#LOUDER FOR THE ABLEISTS IN THE BACK

[neonarboretumart]

Wow, I just experienced my first nasty little person on Tumblr! Someone that doesn’t believe that chronic illness, incurable and physical disabilities exist! She says the word ‘spoonie’ disgusts her. Oh sweetie, you disgust me too.

She decided to interact with this post and send me one of The Articles, y’know , those ones. I was having a bad day already ngl.

Anyway reminder that chronic illness and disability isn’t the fault of the person going through it, and being chronically ill and/or disabled doesn’t make you ‘damaged goods’. Radical acceptance aids healing and adaptation.

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 12: final reflections

Wow. It took me all of this past weekend to process this finale, notwithstanding the usual life craziness that has dogged me lately.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I'm confused by what I watched. I'd say that, overall -- I actually quite liked this series, and I especially, absolutely ADORED JimmySea, Namtan, and Mark, and their acting. JimmySea kicked major ass, and I really hope they get another big and complicated show to chew on.

I also want to say that between episodes 11 and 12, I felt that I saw uncharacteristic editing clunkiness from Aof Noppharnach and his team that left a lot of necessary emotional and ethical processing on the cutting room floor. I think that's what's ultimately making me feel uneasy about the process of watching this, but -- funnily enough, I'm not nearly as "angry" about the ending as I was with other bad shows that fell apart in their last quarter recently. It was obvious that MhokDay were going to get together.

But I needed to walk a few more steps with them on their journey to that end.

Before I got my eyes on the finale, a few reactions on social media, from Tumblr to Twitter gave me the case of the jibbles. Namely: that the story of Last Twilight would have worked better if Day had stayed blind through the end.

I wasn't really understanding how that construction could work without walking through some sort of ethical minefield.

Now that I've seen the finale -- especially that infamous 4/4 segment -- I understand better what those arguments were saying.

Yet, I'm still dogged by a kind of ethical confusion here. And maybe that was one of the points of this finale, another one of Aof Noppharnach's perhaps now-famous-or-infamous emotionally inconclusive endings.

To me, there are two ethical potholes that this show stumbled on:

1) The ethics WITHIN the fictional piece itself for a character to not depict the process of considering the various fates he might face vis à vis a potentially reversible impairment, and

2) The ethics of a REAL audience ultimately wanting a different outcome for a fictional character to NOT have an impairment reversed.

TL;DR — I don’t think Last Twilight spent enough time having Day consider the permanence or impermanence of the various fates he faced, including permanent blindness. I don’t think the characters, and as such, the audience, spent enough time understanding that a corneal transplant was always going to be Day’s endgame.

Last Twilight was marketed as a show focused on disability, on a man going blind in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied, and how he would adjust to his disability, and of course (this being GMMTV), his falling in love. As fans, we were prepared to receive a whole show about a character with a disability, not as a side pairing, à la Heart and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken.

It so happened that Day's visual impairment was corneal deterioration -- a condition that could lead to permanent blindness, and thus qualify him for a corneal transplant.

What I'm struggling with is the crux of the ethical dilemma that this show was ALWAYS going to have to deal with: that a corneal impairment of the kind that Day experienced, in the prime of his life, could very well be reversed with surgery, a surgery that has tremendous success rates.

As such -- as we got that clarification in drips throughout the series -- this show was actually not ONLY going to be about the newfound adjustment of a recently-impaired man to an ableist society. It was ALWAYS going to have this door of ANOTHER major change, the reversal of the impairment, just slightly cracked open. I'm not sure that I, as a viewer, was fully prepared for this, even as Night and Mae Mhon spoke about "eye donations" as givens in the middle of the series. I believe the show needed to be much louder, earlier, about the "hope" that Day could "go back" to "living a normal life," instead of framing the high majority of the show around his adjustments to his impairment.

As we went through Day's adjustment to life outside of his room, I believe we needed to hear, FROM DAY HIMSELF, that a corneal transplant was a conclusion that HE believed in, that HE wanted. A failure of this series was that we unfortunately only heard that from his family members, leaving us to only ASSUME that the conclusion of the reversal of his impairment was ALSO Day's intention.

For a story that was very much about an individual's developing agency and self-advocacy: I believe I needed to hear from Day himself that he was good and ready for the final surgery. I only assume that was the case, as I saw his own body and mind in the hospital. But I believe, for dramatic success, that I could have used a basic, "I'm ready," from him, to make segment 4/4 more complete and contextual, against the story of adjustment and resilience we had so far seen before then.

And what a story of adjustment and resilience we had gotten, as Day had established a full career for himself, without Mhok next to him, during one of the time jumps of episode 12.

For my sake, as I process what I watched this weekend, I want to come to grips with what I thought were the major themes of this show, and see if I can come to some sort of sensible conclusion about what happened here.

This show was focused on:

1) the romance between Day and Mhok, 2) Mhok's caretaking and companionship being the lever to help Day out of his room and back into the world from which he had retreated after the onset of his visual impairment, 3) Day slowly learning how to function again in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied vis à vis his visual impairment, 4) Day learning how to self-advocate for himself in the face of those who condescend to him and/or keep him trapped in compassion bias postures,

and more that I'm sure I'm missing, but those are the themes that resonated the most with me.

I think the general feeling on Tumblr is that, save for the romance, that themes 3 and 4 were contradicted out of existence in the face of the sudden flip to the surgery of segment 4/4.

I think not hearing from Day himself that he was ready and willing for the surgery was a lost moment. I don't believe Day was ever acting as if he would choose anything else OTHER than surgery throughout the series. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME: what we had watched prior to 4/4 was his story of adjustment.

My biggest ethical concern here, vis à vis the audience reactions that I've read, is that NO ONE -- in fiction or in real life -- owes me a story of heroism. If there is an individual who has been impaired since birth, or is dealing with a degenerative condition later in their life, and has the opportunity to address or reverse the condition, who am I to say that that individual SHOULD NOT address their condition?

For me, this is huge. I believe this is a huge ethical dilemma that Last Twilight ultimately does not face. I wish this series had been much more centered, earlier on, about the utter REALITY that Day could have his condition reversed by surgery, in words he'd say himself, rather than assumptions made for him, on behalf of his family, who.... I presume were established to be some sort of legal conservators for him, as Mhon continued to be the one to receive eye donation text messages.

(I concede that I don't know if this is a more common set-up for disabled individuals in Thailand, as I would assume in the States, that Day himself would have been the one to receive that message directly.)

For this show to have seemed emotionally and artistically complete: I needed to hear from Day himself that surgery was an endgame that he was banking his hopes on. I also needed to understand, much more statistically clearly vis à vis the show, of the absolute risks that Day faced towards having permanent blindness for the rest of his life. Because the show ALSO needed to focus on the establishment of the romance between Mhok and Day, we missed out on the show taking time to explain to us, the viewers, of the absolute risks that Day faced in any of these scenarios -- and thus, we would have had MUCH more context into the nuances of the resilience that Day needed to establish for himself as he re-adjusted to society, with his numerous fates lying before him.

I'm going to borrow the words of @hallowpen in their final review here, to say that this show at the end needed much more "breathing room." I think @hallowpen is so right in saying it like this, because these two factors that I just laid out, geez -- the first 7/8ths of the series being about Day's social adjustment against the utter suddenness of the successful surgery and his sudden jump back to what's been translated as his "normal life" -- just clash so tonally. (I do wonder if we're getting as nuanced a translation on "normal" as we could be.)

I think this is about the most confused final review of a show that I've written. There is an ethical heaviness to all of this that's weighing on me, that I think I still need time to comb through.

I also feel that I simply do not know enough, by way of my lack of cultural competency into how Thai society approaches issues of public and private health, if Day’s unseen choice to get the surgery would have been a given among majority Thai audiences, AND that majority Thai audiences would not have asked for the kind of internal debates that I think the show could have used.

I feel thrilled that Day can see Poomjai/Mee, after making that wish in episode 11.

But I think, if this show was about a journey for someone to learn how to successfully advocate for his own agency -- that, at the very end, I needed to see that agency exercised, by him, to get to the part of the reversal of the impairment that I assumed he wanted.

Again: Day doesn't owe me his story of heroism. If fiction doesn't want to give me that, from a character with a recent impairment, I don't have the right to ask for it.

But the missing bits of artistry to get me, the viewer, to only an assumption, has led me to surprising ethical places, that will leave me wondering about what happened in this series for a long time.

[britts-galaxy-brain]

People: "You have no evidence!" You: "Here are archives showing exactly what she said and did." People, louder: "No evidence!" *Trump impression starts* "There's good people on both sides! Both sides are equal! *generic I'm-an-enlightened-centrist nonsense*"

It's wild how every single person Lily has ever been friends with or dated all describe abusive behaviors, everything she's ever said including shit that's still up on her blog is awful and abusive even to people she herself describes as victims of abusers, her videos are full of unhinged content ranging from screaming that staff on The Legend Of Korra got sexual gratification from animating Korra fighting to calling a NB Jewish person pro-Nazi, and every archived page from the Wayback Machine shows someone who is manipulative, violent and sexually predatory, but somehow, someway, this is a thing where the enlightened thing is to be neutral towards Lily.

Lily literally said - and this was a lie, so she said this thinking it made her look good - that her sister, who she told us was groomed by a pedophile, was psycho for having been groomed and fucked by an adult as a child. That's the kind of thing she says to make herself look better. That's the kind of person she is, she says "this person was fucked by an adult as a child so they're garbage" and the fact that it was a lie makes that statement more unhinged, not less. Most people when lying don't go, 'How do I make people doubt my sister's statements that I abused her? I know, I'll say she slept with someone as a kid and is therefore untrustworthy, and I'll use ableist language to imply that you shouldn't believe CSA victims because CSA makes you crazy.' Most people, when lying, wouldn't go with 'haha she got raped haha' because that's just not how the mind of a good person works.

And this is the person who we're supposed to be all "well people who like AND dislike her get harassed so who's to say what the truth is?" about? Uh, Lily has told all of us who she is, in her own words. That's what the truth is. The truth is that she thinks CSA makes you crazy, that she will lie to others and slutshame her sister as if being sexually abused as a child would make her a slut, and that's the kind of thing she'll say because she genuinely thought everyone reading it would agree with those takes. She said that to make herself look better.

People are really out here going, "Other than her word, the word of all her victims, the archived pages, the screenshots, her writing, her videos which are currently still up where she says in her own voice some of the most deranged things you've ever heard and shows an image of a game called RapeLay where you rape women and a literal 13 year old child - other than all that, what proof do we have she isn't a great person?"

By that logic, we don't have any proof that anyone who isn't in prison isn't a great person. If her own words still up on her tumblr and in her videos read in her own voice don't count, does anything?

I wish people would say with their whole chest, "I know she's awful, and I like it." instead of going "uhhh both sides idk"

THANK YOU!

Wait....she dug up RapeLay...? The only reason I even know about that game's existence is because it popped up on a Most Offensive Games list video back in the 2010s. That game is OLD and LONG FORGOTTEN...Which means she specifically sought it out. I WONDER WHY.

[fiddlertoad]

okay, you know, i am not NPD, but i will say it louder for the folks in the back anyway cause i see this one too often

NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS *NOT* A THING

Imagine if someone said ADHD abuse, Autistic abuse, OCD abuse. Yeah, literally what you're doing there. I know people don't mean it but it's low-key ableist, sorry peeps

[louthepunk]

Louder for the people at the back. Helping disabled people is at worse going to be an inconvenience for you but nothing more. On the other hand, the lack of accomodations for disabled people mean CPTSD, intense pain, long term physical and psychological trauma, life / death situation.

Society expects disabled people to adapt daily for a world that has no place for them but gives attention to abled people when they make a tiny effort. Like WOW SO KIND!!

Hearing people expect deaf people to go through the hell of learning English, but hearing people won't even learn the basics of sign language and will give themselves medals when they made like one sign.

Abled people with no chronic pain will call in sick because they got drunk the day before, but will call their disabled co-worker lazy because they often need to take time off with the pain flaring up.

Remember what is an inconvenience for you can be life changing for a disabled person.

You may say that helping disabled people is not your problem because you're not disabled, well don't expect disabled people making accommodations for *you*. Being "normal" is not an excuse to be self centered, ableist and a bigot.

Remember that you are not immune to become disabled either with age or illness or accident. You could become a wheelchair user tomorrow. If your answer to that is "oh I will ....... myself rather than being in that state" believe me you will change your mind pretty quickly when you cross that bridge, it's just internalized ableism and it's avoiding the subject.

Remember that building an accepting and accommodating community around you will be beneficial for yourself sooner or later. So in the meantime, yes you will have deal with inconveniences when it comes to be an ally, but those inconveniences will save people's and maybe yours. That's sounds like a pretty valid reason to me.

[goldfishontheceiling]

INTRO POST

wow this thing was LONG why didn't anybody tell me <\3

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hiiiii!!

name: goldfish

pronouns: he/xe

hyperfixations: total drama, heathers: the musical, and inside out

i'm a minor!!

(louder for the ppl in the back) I'M A MINOR!!

more info!:

hobbies - writing, researching interesting stuff, voice acting, + cosplay

autistic system!! (well im 999999999999999% sure but noooooooo diagnoses are expensiveeeeee and my parents don't care enough to get me diagnoseddddd)

im not really good at talking to people sometimes <\3

trans masc!!

age regressor (sfw. please get FAR away from me if you're going to be weird about that.)

lover of music and the scene aesthetic <3

please use tone tags!! /nf

also we change between using we/our/ourselves n i/me/myself (will wood reference I MEAN WHAT) because system stuff

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thin ice:

-ppl who say stuff like "you're not real"/"im not real"/"nothing is real"/"your life isn't real" as a joke (just don't say it to us and you're good)

-ppl who hate furries/therians/alterhumans

-scike/coderra shippers

-ppl who tell other ppl to "kys" as a joke

dni:

-nsfw (especially if you sexualize agere. get out.)

-racist ppl

-homophobes/transphobes

-pedos/maps/zoos

-ableist ppl

-pro ed/pro sh

-endos/"mixed origin" systems + ppl who support them

-proshippers

there's the door if anyone needs it!! -> 🚪

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im in a LOT of fandoms. here's the main ones:

Total Drama

Inside Out

MLP

Invader Zim

Don't Hug Me I'm Scared/DHMIS

The Lego Movie(s)

The Sun and Moon Show/TSAMS

Disventure Camp

Captain Underpants (yes. the kids books. don't ask how i got here bc idk.)

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (fuck the creator i just like the silly demons)

Analog horror (Vita Carnis, GÜBY, and Angel Hare are some of my favorites)

Five Nights at Freddy's

Cookie Run Kingdom (I haven't played Ovenbreak YET)

Musicals (my current favorite is Heathers)

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oh and some userboxes because why not!!:

(boxes aren't made by us)

[strangerpeace]

I didn’t think this was still a thing until I found myself working in an insurance office, but it is still the case:

Modern procedural crime dramas are the cordyceps of fiction.

Let me explain.

So I’m an elder millennial. I remember the big brouhaha with Senator Joe Lieberman’s public freak out about Mortal Kombat and Night Trap. I remember Tipper Gore freaking out about Prince. And of course, all of the moral panics whipped up by the crypto-fascist right involving everything from Teletubbies to the NBA.

But I also remember three shows that helped set up not only the modern procedural crime drama fervor of the early 2000s, but also this really bizarre true crime thing that’s been going on since people figured out that you can listen to assholes pontificate on something called a podcast.

Those three shows, dear Readers, were Rescue 911, COPS, and America’s Most Wanted.

if I could, I would punch those shows in the cop dick with the force of an entire Tom Morello.

Anyway, these three shows basically invited viewers to participate in the panopticon and look for “anything suspicious”. This of course, ramped up to 12000 out of 10 after 9/11. When these shows became a little too passé, and Fox News started taking the moral alarmist place, then we started getting even louder copaganda with Law & Order SVU, CSI: Blue Color Grade/Green Color Grade/What is David Caruso Doing Edition, and so on.

Ok ok you know all this, let’s get to the part where Pedro Pascal in a plaid shirt has to fight procedurals with land mines and what have you.

One of the hallmarks of office culture is ~boredom~. And when people, especially middle-aged ladies of a certain lack of melanin, get bored—they start craving stimulation. This, combined with the trauma of having to navigate a horrifically violent patriarchal and ableist culture, means that they are looking for the threat. The mystery. And their interpretive apparatus, rather than thinking critically about their fandom (like…Idk…most of the fandoms here?) buy into the faux-realism, are infected by it…

and next thing you know, you get a building full of amateur cops (copabees? the worst chain restaurant) who, in trying to solve the mystery of “Why is a car leaving the parking lot at 7:30 in the morning?” arrive at… and I quote…

“IS SOMEONE LIVING IN THE BUILDING OVERNIGHT? IS THE NEW TEMP LIVING IN THE BUILDING? SHOULD WE REPORT IT???”

Folks, I was new temp. Folks, I used to teach critical thinking. Folks, these people have lost their agency and faculty to Detective Stabler.

How do I give it back to them?

[noahsteensonfilms]

"The Food Is Wrong!"- a "When Only We're Around" short story

*I completely forgot to post this here, sorry*

(1 month post-movie)

"We will both be having the steaks. But make sure that his has the chips, vegetables, and steak not touching. Okay? He doesn't do well with the foods touching." Emiliano instructs the waiter, Elliot washed with embarrassment over his particular request, not leaning forwards until the waiter had returned to the kitchen.

"God. Why am I so finicky?" Elliot slaps his head in exasperation.

"This restaurant offers alterations, or the waiter would of mentioned it when I made the order. They shouldn't get mad when a customer wants an alteration." Emiliano assures him, then leans back, sipping on a glass of coke.

"Still... I feel entitled when asking. Couldn't we have gone to a McDonald's or Hungry Jack's?"

"Elliot. This is date night. On date night, we go to fancy restaurants. This dinner is like $150 so we better enjoy it."

Elliot fidgets, tapping the fork next to him repeatedly. Humming the song they had wrote the weekend they fell in love.

"So, were you able to get anyone at school to join your band?" Emiliano asks, placing thier hand on Elliot's to stop the fidgeting.

"A few people seemed interested. But a band ran by an autistic druggie isn't the easiest sell."

"Well then, that is thier loss. You are the best vocalist in all of Perth. They would be nothing without you."

"I'm glad that you believe that. But you are biased, because you want me to be in a good mood so you can fuck me tonight? Right?"

"Elliot?! That's a bit vulgar for a high class establishment."

"It's not my fault I get laid more than these uptight businessmen."

"2 steaks both medium well?" A waitress asks, holding thier meals.

"Yes, thats our order. Thank you." Emiliano responds, whilst the waitress puts thier plates in front of them.

Emiliano begins to eat his food, before looking over to Elliot with concern.

"You okay babe?" They ask, before looking down to Elliot's plate. Realising why he had fallen silent.

"Everything is touching." Elliot says, scratching at his arm. "Why is it all touching! It's not supposed to. It's all wrong!" By this point Elliot has become visibly in panic.

"Please tell your friend to calm down or you will both be removed from this establishment!" A waiter demands, rushing to thier table, which every other table is now looking to.

"My Boyfriend, thank you very much! We specifically asked for his steak, chips and veggies to not be touching each other. He has sensory issues. You ignored our simple request. Now he's having a meltdown and getting blames for it!?" Emiliano complains frustrated that they are getting blamed.

"We do not allow requests like that? The waiter says, baffled at Emiliano's insistence that alterations were allowed.

"When I made that order, our waiter made no mention of that. If alterations aren't allowed we should if been told that while MAKING the alteration. It wasn't even really an alteration either. It's just changing the arrangement of what was already on the fucking plate!" Emiliano continues, ranting about the ease of not having the foods touch, how it is ableist to not allow such a small inclusion.

"The textures they are wrong! They aren't the same! They shouldn't touch!" Elliot continues, getting louder each sentence.

"C'mon Ell. Let's just go get Macca's. At least they know how to alter a fucking meal."

~~~~~~~~~20 mins later (at McDonald's)~~~~~~~~

"I made a fool out of myself, Em. I was screaming!? Hurting myself?! I must of looked like an entitled baby." Elliot mopes, eating a 20 pack of McNuggets.

"No, babe, they were in the wrong. It was a simple request for accessibility reasons, and they were too uppity to respect that. That didn't deserve the $150 I spent."

"Can we have an extra long cuddle after sex tonight?" Elliot asks, resting his head on Emiliano's shoulder.

"We can cuddle for the rest of the night."

[j3ansy]

I’m gonna say it louder for those in the back!

Calling a autistic character dramatic for experiencing sensory issues is ableist.

[matan4il]

As I rewatch S5 for the first time it's so blaring how almost self destructive Eddie breaking up with Anna was. And I only bring it for the people who swear Buddie will never go Canon. Also not even rehashing Anna.

But even watching the awkward break up scene, it was actually a "perfect family moment:. Eddie still was like no this isn't working. I don't think Anna was a perfect person because she was really abeilist in the beginning. I'm not above though allowing people to grow because sometimes that is the root of a good romance. But outside of that she was incredibly unproblamatic you know??

I guess in hindsight now after the lasagna family dinner scene (I would choose it over the muffins BTW), it's just like really sad. For Eddie in that moment I mean. Having to hurt her when you could tell he just didn't know how to do it. Couldn't even clear the day and pretend and do it later. It was like when he realized he realized and he couldn't go back. And that is one of the queerest things ever!!

Hi Nonnie! Thank you so much for this ask! ^u^

Oh yes, I def didn’t like the ableist stuff with Ana, but I did think it was a perfect representation of why Buck is the right person for Eddie. It was showing, not just telling, that Buck is the guy who will fight for Christopher, so that this kid would be able to fulfill himself in all the ways he wants to, while Ana (who as a professional should know better) is totally okay with Chris being prevented from some activities based on his disability. 911 couldn’t be louder on this, and Eddie saw them, and understood the differences, which is why he tells Buck in 414 that no one will ever fight harder for his son, and that’s what he wants. And you can’t tell me Eddie didn’t fall that much more for Buck after he saw that.

But he still thinks that the “right thing” is to provide his son with a “replacement mom.” On paper, there’s no one Eddie knows who would be better in that role than Ana. Except then Buck challenges him on this and points out why this is wrong, and the second he does, Eddie can’t deny it anymore. He fully accepts what Buck has shown him, which is why he’s in an impossible situation, he gets that breaking up with Ana will hurt her, but he also recognizes that what Buck said was true, and with every additional second they’re together, he’ll only hurt her even more once he does end things. It’s a bit like ripping off a band aid. You know it’s gonna hurt, so might as well do it already, so it will at least be done with and behind you as soon as possible... You can tell that the normally gentle Eddie is suddenly in such a rush to do it, he’s not being as cautious with her as he could be, and you understand it’s a reflection of how uncomfortable he feels in this impossible situation. But he goes ahead, he does it. That’s the power that talking to Buck and accepting his insights has on Eddie! It’s not even queer, Eddie is full on a Bucksexual, he has Buck running under his skin.

Thank you again, hope you have a great day, lovely. And as always, here’s my ask tag! xoxox

[kieraembers]

Study Session

Study Session 

(don’t know what I’m doing with this, more jealous Sebastian , trigger warning for ableist insult) 

Sebastian was currently sorting through his notes to prepare for the group study session with Y/N and the friends she had made in the few weeks since attending Hogwarts. After groveling long enough that he was likened to a house elf by a passing third year , Samantha Dale saw fit to allow him to finally offer his apologies to Amit. Amit was far more gracious and immediately forgave Sebastian and invited him and Ominis to the next study session. 

Sebastian had spent the better part of the day rewriting his notes with Ominis’s dictation quill considering his own penmanship was too atrocious to contribute anything to the study group. It was clear that he was supposed to bring his DADA and Magical Theory notes. While Ominis brought his History of Magic and Ancient magic notes. Ominis was already tapping his toe, to rush him along. 

“Honestly, you’ll be late to your own funeral.” Ominis scolded

“I’m sure you'll be there to rush me.” 

Ominis scoffed in response and started to leave while Sebastian scrambled to get his things. 

"Wait, Ominis!" 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46368088/chapters/116742895

Ominis ignored his perpetually late friend and started to make his way to the library. He'd been told beforehand that the group was meeting behind the fireplace and he would have to use an ice or water charm to enter. 

He was enjoying the sun on his face and a breeze when he heard Y/N call out to him from behind. No she was below. 

"Y/N?" He tilted his head to listen better. 

"Just a moment Ominis. I'll be right up." 

Once again Ominis was befuddled. Why was she beneath him? Was she on a broom? She had to be, he was on the Viaduct bridge. Ominis puzzled over her location when his wand pulled him forward. He walked until his wand ceased urging him forward and heard winding gears and metal against metal. 

"Pull me up please" he heard beneath him. Ominis reached his hand down until he felt her warm hands clutch his. 

"What are you doing down there? What is even down there?" He asked as he started to tug.

" Well there was this puzzle and I had to solve it." She was almost out of what Ominis assumed was a hold in the floor. 

She started to mention a particularly meticulous assignment involving pages, when Ominis felt someone run straight into him and knock them both back. Ominis landed harshly on his back with Y/N on him. 

 "Ominis are you alright?" Y/N held his head in her hands and felt around his scalp. 

" I'm fine, just a bit jostled." Ominis realized his hands were resting on her hips and quickly removed them. 

 Y/N sat up and started spewing what Ominis assumed to be curses at whoever knocked them over. He picked up a vicious mix of Italian and Spanish curses, as if in her fury she couldn't decide on a language. It was very unladylike, especially since she was straddling him. As this was the closest Ominis had been to a girl he felt a blush and excitement overcome him. He covered his face to hide his blush. 

"Shut up squib, didn't see you and the cripple." 

Ominis felt ice in his veins. Y/N was quiet stood and helped him up dusting off his cloak. "May I borrow your history book for a moment?" He nodded then felt a rush of Magic and heard a sickening crunch with an accompanying shout. 

"Accio, Repairo. " She handed the book back to him and the moron who knocked them over cried out in pain. 

"You crazy cu-"  "Silencio, " Ominis snapped his wand back. He turned running his hand through his hair to smooth his hair back and fixed a glare in the brutes general direction. He heard stomping louder coming closer to him and braced his wand stepping in front of Y/N. 

"Stupify" Sebastian's voice rang out from across the bridge. The stomping halted and Ominis felt Y/N relax behind him. 

" I don't know who you think you are but you obviously know who we are. You became physical with the descendant of one of Hogwarts founders. If I choose to, with a few words to the right people, I can have you ejected from this school. If I really throw my weight around I can have your wand. Fortunately I don't even know your name." 

Omnis felt a smile break across his face " If I ever hear your voice again I will see you and yours ended." 

"I suggest you not linger in the common room until end of term." Sebastian added joining his friends. They made their way towards the library leaving the brute frozen in place, the spell would wear off in a few minutes. 

"Who was that?" Y/N asked once they were far enough away. 

"Flint." Sebastian answered, no doubt stewing in his own rage. " He's been on a mean streak since Black canceled quidditch. We don't speak much to him since he's two grades above us. Probably why Ominis didn't recognize his voice." 

"Troll faced bastard." Y/N grumbled. She grabbed Ominis' hand and squeezed. His new friend was very tactile, he assumed to compensate for his vision. "You had a nasty fall, are you alright." 

"Yes, don't fret." Ominis squeezed her hand back and released. "Though I would like to ask you to check me for dirt and the like" he raised his arms for inspection while she giggled and swatted at some of the dirt that had landed on his cloak. Sebastian joined in. 

"Well, if this is the new initiation to our study group I'd love to join in." Garreth chimed in from behind.

"I accidentally knocked Ominis over and we're just cleaning him off." Y/N said, still swatting at some loose dirt. 

"Hmmm, so this has nothing to do with the stupefied seventh year I passed on the way here? " 

The silence was enough of an answer for Garreth who laugh and smacked Ominis on the back. "Fantastic, that prat has been a thorn in everyone's side. Come on, I know Y/N has a whole feast in her pack for us."

"And you probably have some ungodly concoction you'll want to test on us."   Garreth laughed and pulled Y/N away from them towards the library. 

"Fucking Weasley" Sebastian muttered as the Ginger walked their friend the rest of the way towards the library. 

 Once inside they found the fireplace. After putting out the fire everyone bent low to enter and found themselves in a warm enclosed room with plush chairs, sofa and a small table with warm tea. It was decorated with a Quidditch poster, tapestry and a harp that was leaning in the corner.  Natsai Onai, Poppy Sinclair and Amit Thakkar were already seated.

“Finally,” Natsai handed Y/N a mug of coffee as she joined them on the sofa, her coat was handed off to Poppy who set it on the coat rack by the entrance. Natsai cast Incendio on the fireplace after the last of them entered. 

“No more members for this study group, It’s getting a bit crowded,” Garreth said, falling back on his arm chair. 

“Oh, I wanted to invite Imelda.” Y/N cupped her mug of coffee and began to sip. 

“No”  multiple voices rang out in unison.

“She is a bit prickly but I think she’s nice, and funny.” she argued.

“You like everyone, so your opinion doesn’t count.” Garreth teased. 

“I don’t like everyone.” she pouted.

“Name three people you don’t like.” Natsai countered.

“That Flint bastard, Peeves and my aunt Cecilia.”

"What did Flint do?" Natsai asked.

"Called me a squib" Y/N responded, not mentioning what he said to Ominis who also kept his mouth firmly shut.

“Flint has troll crap for brains, but Peeves is dead so he doesn’t count, and your aunt isn’t at this school.” Garreth added 

“That Slytherin boy who was mean to the Kneazles and his rat faced Ravenclaw friend.” Y/N added, rushing to find someone to dislike. 

“You don’t even know their names.” Poppy laughed. 

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “I’m not good with names, especially with pointless people.”

"You literally can't name a single person you dislike in this school" Natsai pointed out. 

"I said Finch." 

"Flint." Ominis corrected. Everyone laughed while Y/N buried her head in her hands. 

Y/N sulked and started to pull out food from her bag. There was probably a holding enchantment considering how many lunch packs she pulled out. "Maybe you'll all shut up if you stuff your mouths." She grumbled. 

"OH, Samosas" Amit happily dug in. 

"Muchomo." Natsaid bit into her meal and leaned back closing her eyes. The spices wafted into the room and made Sebastian's mouth water. 

Sebastians and Ominis' pack was heavy and warm. Sebastian opened his to find a small iron pot. Half a cornish hen in a bed of small potatoes with carrots, onions, garlic and celery. The smell of butter rosemary, tyme, sage and a hint of lemon had him searching frantically for a fork. 

"I wasn't sure of your preferences since this is your first time joining us, so I did something basic." Sebastian was about to argue that this was in no way basic but he had already taken his first bite and rendered speechless.  Ominis was in a similar state of bliss, though he had used his wand to remove the celery onto a napkin.  Garreth and Poppy were eating a creamy potato onion bacon soup  out of a bread bowl while Y/N had a sandwich and something warm from her thermos. 

Slowly the group started speaking to each other. At first trading bites of their meal then discussing their classes. 

Notes started to be traded, Amit started to copy Sebastian's DADA notes. Y/N's herbology notes were handed to Ominis who unfolded his leather braille transcriber. Her notes were converted to braille on the side. The exchange of notes had them asking for clarification on a few topics and Amit grilled Sebastian on his quiz results. 

"I do love history, but Binns puts me to sleep almost each class. How do you manage?" Y/N whined as she copied Ominis's notes.

"Dictation quill, I got permission to use it in all my classes. They are usually banned in class." 

"Thank goodness. I noticed you dozing off a few times." 

"Well, I do have a viable excuse to close my eyes." Ominis quipped. 

Y/N chuckled then peered at Sebastian's work. "No, Nifflers come in about 5 different color variations. Black is just the most common after they reach adulthood." 

"Actually it's six if you count albinism. Didn't you find a white one last week?" Poppy asked. 

"She's more of a very light gray. So not albinism, just a unique coloring. And if we're counting mutations, melanism should be included." 

"It would be hard to differentiate since most are already black." 

"But not their bills, tongues, hands and feet. Melanism would present there too." Y/N added. 

Poppy and her debated on coat variations on different species for a few minutes. 

Amit interrupted with some excitement "Your paper on astronomical edifices and stone calenders from Mayans and Aztecs bring up interesting points countering the standard English understanding" 

"Well they do have a better track record of predicting astronomical events. Have you been to any of the temples? MACONMEX hosts events during the equinox." 

"No, but I've heard if it. It's supposed to be magnificent."

"My grandmother hosts. I already invited professor Shah and her sister. If your parents agree you can come along." 

Sebastian bristled in the corner watching Amit gush. 

"If you have family in Mexico why aren't you attending Castelobruxo or Ilvermorny?" Natsai asked.

"Because Hogwarts is the best school for an aspiring young witch." Garreth said confidently. 

Natsai and Y/N exchanged a look with each other then Amit. It was something Sebastian couldn't read. 

Y/N chuckled. "Actually it's because my father is working in Ireland and mother wanted me close. Father was schooled at Beauxbatons, he's from several old European families with a little native mixed in. Mother is from old pre-invasion blood. Grandmother would have preferred me homeschooled. Long line of priests and wise women." 

"That would have been a waste." Sebastian added. Again the three exchanged a look. Then Y/N spoke again.

 " Honestly, everyone was very happy when I got my letter. Mama wept when she saw the owl. She had been hiring muggle tutors and trying to find me a match." 

"Marriage, so soon?" Poppy said in surprise. 

"We all thought I was a squib. There are not many options for women in the Muggle world. So the tutors were meant to make me a more attractive bride, and my mother was trying to find someone wealthy and pliable. She would have used a love potion if push came to shove. But that would have been years away. I think she had her eyes on several possible suitors with substantial fortunes. One way or another she was going to make sure I was comfortable, and trapped. " 

"That sounds bleak. " Garreth said, dropping his usual glibness. 

"That's why I took so many classes. I'm trying to figure out what I'm good at, what I like.  I don't want the decision made for me. You all vaguely know what you want to be after Hogwarts. I'm still figuring it out." 

"Well, if you have trouble figuring that out we can always open a potions and treats shop together." Weasley leaned forward and smiled at Y/N who chuckled. 

"Or you could be an Auror with me. You're excellent in battle." Natty added. 

"You could study beasts with me and Granny."

"Ministry work might suit you." Ominis added. 

Sabastian stayed silent. The future did not concern him as much as the present. Anne needed a cure. Then he could worry about a future career. 

"Are you going to be an auror, maybe and Unspeakable like Professor Hecat?" Y/N asked. Sebastian looked up in surprise.  Being an Unspeakable sounded like it would suit him. 

"Possibly. But if nothing else, I think we all know you're already a fantastic kitchen witch." 

"I do love to feed people." She said with a smile.

"Excellent, maybe you can help me with my Butterbeer brew. We'll open up a pub." Garreth pulled some notes from his pack and showed them to Y/N who fell into a conversation with him about fermentation. 

That's how the group spent the next three or four hours. Trading tests, notes and going over each other's homework and projects. It wasn't until Amit checked his watch, did they realize that the library was due to close soon. 

"Best get moving before Madam Scribner gives us all detention." Garreth grumbled. Everyone started to gather their things. Y/N handed everyone a small bundle that turned out to be a miniature Dutch apple pie. 

Sebastian was about to offer to walk y/n back to her commons when she looped her arms through Poppy's and talked about checking on a baby niffler she was keeping in the common room. 

Garreth and Natty were still discussing charms together, leaving the two Slytherin boys and Amit to make their way to their respective common room. 

"Thank you for agreeing to invite us." Ominis told Amit when their paths started to shift. 

"Of course. Best of luck to you both." 

"What are you implying?" Sebastian's eyes narrowed. 

"Nothing, nothing at all. Oh look at the time. I should get back before the prefects find me." Amit rushed off while Ominis slapped the back of Sebastian's head. 

"I would prefer it if you didn't alienate someone from the study group. I haven't finished my school work that quickly since I was a third year." 

"I know. It's just. He was invited to visit her family." 

"He was invited to an event hosted by her grandmother, not to meet her parents for a possible match. And if he was it would be no business of yours, given your decision to not pursue her romantically." 

Sebastian held his tongue and stewed as they walked. 

"I may not catch the looks people show or expressions but I hear enough. To my ear she sounded as if she was being friendly and open. Much like she is with us." 

"Yes, but she's too kind by far. Someone will take advantage." 

"I'm inclined to agree with you. " Ominis avoided looking at his oldest friend. 

[poison-into-positivity99]

OFMD Season 2 Love 🖤🏴‍☠️

I’m a Tumblr veteran, joined when I was 13 (YIKES I KNOW). I deleted my old account because wow cringe. I was huge into Doctor Who and Supernatural, also Hannibal. Being part of those fandoms was chaotic to say the very least. I am almost 25 now, but Our Flag Means Death has reignited the old “fangirl” in me. I love this show with all my heart and soul. I very much enjoyed season 2 and I came back to Tumblr SOLEY for this show and because Twitter has been a hellscape of people being extremely negative about it. I know so many love the second season just as they do the first, but the angry voices always scream louder than the kind ones. It’s exhausting. So I’ve come here to find like minded people. 

I have never felt that this show was insensitive, ableist, not supportive. The characters in this show have never been questioned for their identity, sexuality, or disability, they have always been embraced. Everything is normalized. There is not “the gay couple” they are just a couple. It feels wonderful to not have the things “different” about you, be pointed out. They are not seen as weird, abnormal, ANYTHING. I can’t remember the last time a show was ever like that. It’s so important. People saying Izzy had an arc, just for him to die, made it useless. That is honestly a disgusting take to me. Along with the people saying that they killed off a disabled character, and that makes them ableist. Are we forgetting the myriad of others with prosthetics or chronic pain? There are days I cannot physically walk by myself, I can’t get out of bed. I’ve had a knee replacement, two shoulder surgeries, a stomach surgery, because of my disability (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome). I did not, for once, feel like Izzy’s death was an act against physically disabled people. Just because I am disabled, does not mean I don’t deserve a “redemption arc”, it doesn’t mean me growing as a person is useless because I’ll just die someday. It hurts to see so many people turn on the show so quickly because they are upset with their favorite character dying or not getting more screen time. That does not mean you attack the cast, the crew, the show runners, the writers, the directors- ANYONE. Especially not others in this fandom. It’s often through tragedy and disagreements where we see people’s true colors. Being angry is okay, having a different opinion is okay too. But we don’t take it out on others who have ones differing from us, that is just not acceptable. When a character you love, is no longer on a show- for one reason or another- it can feel like losing a friend. A character you take comfort in, now being gone, is a loss of a different kind but can still cause real grief. People get angry. They can lash out. Just because you like something, or don’t like something, doesn’t mean it’s excusable to be angry or hostile with other people for having a different opinion. It’s valid to be upset but it’s not okay to cause someone else feel negatively about something they love. People are quick to take online to voice how they feel, it’s a readily available outlet to do so. When tensions are high, things get thrown around and people get hurt. Think before you speak, you can voice how you feel but do not shame others for feeling differently.

Calling Ed abusive, is another thing I’ve seen being thrown around. I really hate that. Not only as someone who has been in an abusive relationship before. Everyone in the crew has killed people, tortured people, done shitty things. They are pirates. That is not the point of the show, AT ALL. People are so upset that they are pulling any accusation they can, and throwing it at the wall until something sticks. 

The character I actually relate the most to is Ed. I have attempted to take my life. I have bipolar disorder, I rapidly cycle. I have been severely depressed, and extremely manic. That does not mean I am not worth loving, but it’s what I believed. I truly hated myself. I’ve hurt people. Done things I regret. It’s been a journey to find who I was, to heal and accept myself. I need reassurance from my friends, my partner, that I am enough sometimes. I hurt people before they have a chance to hurt me. I say and do things I regret. But my partner is ALWAYS there for me. He does not treat me as any less worthy. And that’s what Stede does for Ed. To think someone is only worth loving if they are “fixed” or that Ed is treating Stede as if he is “saving” him, is a bit of a concerning outlook. Saying they have no chemistry is borderline comical to me, as well. Have you SEEN the way they look at each other? They don’t even have to touch or say anything to be able to see how much love they share. 

Love is not without hardships or arguments. Relationships ebb and flow, they grow and they change. When you are separate people, living a life together, there is going to be messy bits. Just because we don’t see Stede and Ed talk everything through, doesn’t mean they don’t. So much time passes in between what we see, it can’t possibly all be shown. We fill in the gaps, we get things alluded to. It’s storytelling. Not everything needs to be spelled out. There is a planned ending for the show. Everyone involved loves making it and wants to continue the story. Saying all these negative things could really halt that process. There’s still plenty more to tell and to see. I think it’s important we get that season 3. Until then I will be continuously rewatching and hyper fixating! 

Thank you for reading my messy brain musings, please feel free to turn more poison into positivity!!!!

[darkstarbureau]

i get LIVID over something again: the post (you know that i never put titles. im fucking MAD)

post tw: more than one suicide mention

hey man. hey. i dont like bitching about very importamt things to me very much but its one of those times. this may seem incoherent in some parts but im gonna roll with it anyways.

i swear to fucking god. some of you people will say youre an "irl" (absolutely ATROCIOUS term btw. literally do not say this.) and then proceed to go like "im a kinnie and i simp and im fictionkin and im a synpat"

i can confirm that nobody calls themselves an "irl" ever. when you are in a really bad psychotic episode and happen to be indulging in media that your brain hyperfocuses on and start deluding or hallucinating things that are coherent with said media, you didnt "gain an irl". you are in a psychotic episode. you cant collect delusions (UNSHAKEABLE beliefs by the way, grounding yourself is a different thing. but if you bawl like a baby because somebody doesnt think youre twilight sparkle, maybe youre the problem) like blind bag toys?!?

and no, it is not ableist to acknowledge when youre out of that state that you are delusional. it is not a horrific word. it is one thing to use mental illness as an adjective for something you dont like, in that case, that makes you a dick. but i am afraid you cannot suppress your troubles by calling yourself an "irl".

dont even get me started on the people who think that kin and fucking psychosis are one in the same. i dont know if its just me, but it irks me to an unimaginable degree even more to see blogs that group kin, fictionkin, FICTIVES, and PSYCHOSIS, as one whole. on one side, you have a strong liking or relatability to a character. on another, you have a belief that you are an incarnation of a character without delusion involved. on yet another, you have a fragment of underdeveloped personality from a dissociative disorder that has shaped its identity around a character from a media. on yet another fucking side of things, you have a mental state that occurs in people under the influence of some drugs, an injury, extreme pain, schizophrenia, and/or bipolar disorder.

you are not mentally ill if you like a character, want to convince yourself that youre them, and bitch and moan when people dont affirm it: the section

i (do not) regret to inform you that if you are a big fan of a character, you are not psychotic. psychosis is a very serious and distressing state that people often commit suicide from just so they dont have to experience it anymore. if you think that you want psychosis, you dont. i myself consider taking my life every fucking day because of how often ill be in either a psychotic or dissociative state. this is in no way an exaggeration. i know that you people in my screen think that i have a coherent sense of self and reality even if it's false, and you're wrong. it changes all the fucking time. its not cute. not fun. not in any way enjoyable at all. back when i was younger, it would often present in a way that would convince me it wants to help me. now when i try to fight back against it and know its tricks, it turns very ugly very fast. when i run, it slows me down. when i struggle, it sucks me in. when i cry for help, water fills the space my voice was. when i try to swim, sand pushes against the push. but when i succumb, everything stops. even then, i cant win. everything is a question, and i dont think ill ever have the answer; when will it stop? when will it settle?

its not a game of house and your own mental state is not a mannequin to adorn with the worst things the human mind can feel.

say it louder. you cant choose this. you cant. there is no state of disarray where you are conveniently attached to pixels on a screen. "irl disorder" is a thing people actually search on the fucking internet because of you sick fucks. shut the fuck up. did you know that your head doesnt limit what you can be absolutely fucking confused and terrified about to just your favorite video game? i regularly hear things that i ask other people if they did, and they usually say no. i have seen, tasted, smelled, and touched things that disappear when i look away and look back. i have no feeling of connection to your reality. at the same time, everything feels surreal in the worst possible way in the very rare occasion that i can ground myself. i usually don't dissociate when i'm on the computer, because i have always been in that reality. when i step off, it tries its hardest to pull me back to anything that feels like the digital world. i have no goddamn connection to my body.

i want to disappear.

to those people im talking about: i hope this finds you well. you make me want to die even more than i already do. sincerely, gallerian. or nemesis. or seth. i dont know anymore.

[whump-or-whatever]

(CW: Abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. mention in whump prompt. Ableist Whumper who uses Whumpee's personality disorder against them) Prefacing that I was prof diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder), but like a whumpee whose caretaker is their Favourite Person (a specific BPD term only, where the person with BPD (pwBPD) is extremely emotionally attached to the person, basically obsessed with them, and need them for emotional stability. As their mood, identity, and understanding of themselves is based on this person. Their symptoms of intense willingness to avoid real or perceived abandonment, emotional dysregulation, chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom, impulsivity, anger episodes, paranoia, dissociation, etc. flare and are stronger around these people). Anyways, with that info out of the way. The whumpee's whumper abused them, manipulated them, and used the very real knowledge that whumpee had BPD against them. They knew that whumpee was terrified of abandonment and only ever split (a form of black and white thinking, and in the context of BPD is just devaluing and idealizing something/someone/groups based on something either being perceived as good or bad) on them because they "love" the whumper. Whumper tells Whumpee that their hatred for Whumper means nothing, because every time Whumper hurts them it's because they love them. That Whumper does all these things because they love Whumpee. Whumper then dismisses any pain or intense emotions, or deep-seated anger Whumpee has... as it just being their disorder. And they in many ways neglect them as a way to torture them and trigger their fears of abandonment. So that when Whumper gets back to Whumpee, they tell them that they needed a "break" and that torturing them is the only reason why they stay. Whumpee, terrified of being abandoned, even if it's by this evil and cruel person ends up begging and pleading for them to be hurt by Whumper. Whumpee wants Whumper to be obsessed with them, so that they can never be alone ever again. They will do anything for Whumper to stay with them. Afterall, Whumpee their entire life has always felt worthless and like they never mattered. Whumper to their sickened delights, loves using this against Whumpee. Whumper would neglect Whumpee emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. on a regular basis. So when Whumpee leaves the situation and is taken back by their Caretaker and other friends, they are terrified even more than ever to be alone. They cling on to Caretaker and yet also push them away, feeling that Caretaker is already planning on leaving them. Caretaker wants to make Whumpee feel better and help them get therapy, but it's hard to get a non-ableist therapist that isn't expensive. Whumpee ends up more miserable than ever. The war in their head was louder than ever. Whenever Caretaker made a mistake that really hurt Whumpee, Whumpee screamed, yelled, argued, and was terrified... that Caretaker would hurt them like Whumper and their past abusers/bullies/etc. did. Caretaker ends up raising their voice, and that leaves Whumpee crying and sobbing... begging for Caretaker not to leave them. Whumpee apologizes profusely for their behaviour and begs Caretaker to stop hurting them. That they just wanted Caretaker to stop hurting them, because they were trying their best. Caretaker's in too much pain, watching the person they care about be in this much pain. Caretaker apologizes for raising their voice and they set up boundaries. But Caretaker swears that they'll never forgive the people who hurt Whumpee. And that they will make sure to stay with Whumpee as much as possible, while helping Whumpee branch out and connect more with others. Whumpee loves Caretaker and Caretaker loves Whumpee, but sometimes... Whumpee can't shake the feeling that Caretaker is always lying to them, pities them, and is going to abandon them one day. The pain never truly stops, not even with someone who is supposed to be safe.

Oh my dear lord. Anon this is basically the entire outline for a story already!

I love the idea of whumper using whumpee’s mental illness against them. I have actually been thinking about that recently (I have somatic OCD about my breathing and it’s legit like torture sometimes). I think any truly manipulative whumper would take advantage of any mental health issues they knew whumpee had.

The whole idea of whumpee begging to be hurt because they don’t want to feel abandoned is actually one of my favourite tropes! It always reminds me of that one episode of Lucifer where Lucifer is talking about the guy in hell who likes to call the shots. He forgot to torture the guy one day and the guy begged Lucifer never to forget him again.

Anyway, I also vibe with whumpee worrying that caretaker really just pities them and will leave one day (I worry about stuff like that too tbh). It really becomes a big dilemma when whumpee can never feel safe, not because of their surroundings or the people they’re with, but just because their own mind traps them in a cycle of worry and distrust.

In conclusion, this is amazing, thanks for sending it in!

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

I'm gonna send this to you cause you are more understanding.

There are some blogs here that looove to talk about Taylor's obsesion with alchool and love to wonder how many times of drugs she has done in her life and still does. And like 1) just bc she hangs around people that do drugs, doesn't mean she does it. I don't and i have some friends that really like drugs 2) even she did do, wich i"m not saying it's impossible - is it necessary to talk about it as if this is a pride moment???

Cause the way people in this industry keep dying more and more from OD, i hope to god she stays the fuck away. Bc all it takes it's 1 time that feels different from the other times and boom she's an addict.

Like the way coke it's getting more and more into pop music scares me. Before it was alchool, then weed and coke is going the same direction. We have Harry, Dua, The Weeknd using cocaine in songs like it's so normal and it shouldn't be.

I can't be the one that gets terrifed about it. Drugs can change a person so much, so fast and i will never wish that on Taylor. But the way the industry is normalizing drugs is getting really scary for me and i seem to be only one stressed. Maybe i should leave this site tbh

I'm going to start this by saying this is coming from someone who considers themselves a recovering addict and while I wouldn't go as far as to see myself an alcoholic at any stage of my life, I definitely have had periods where I relied far too heavily on it.

So there's two aspects I want to touch on here: Celebrity drug culture as a whole and specifically Swifties reaction to not only Taylor's drug use, but other celebrities'.

In terms of general celebrity drug culture, to be completely honest, I don't necessarily agree with you that it's become more normalised, or at least that that's the issue here. Like my parents used to talk about big artists doing the same drugs back in their days and how it was the world's worst kept "secret". So instead I would say that the way that it is spoken about has changed over time. Rather than alluding to or implying it, celebs are just more blunt now. A big part of this is a small aspect of society as a whole no longer being willing to hide things. Like back in my mother's day, girls would rather die than call their period a period while in school but my generation did. Likewise things like mental illness (which addiction is part of, but I mean more broadly), reproductive health choices and other social issues are no longer being hushed. So again, I don't necessarily think the issue is in how blunt celebrities are being, but I do think it's representative of an issue that has plagued the industry (and society as a whole) for generations and a reminder that after a certain point, money doesn't buy happiness nor shield you from certain struggles.

On the positive side, I also think this bluntness has led to a place where celebrities like Elton John can speak freely and be an advocate for sobriety. As a mother figure/guardian of a preteen, it's also a good reminder to parents to talk to their children about the risks of drug use and remind them that not every action a celebrity takes needs to be replicated.

When it comes to Taylor and her fanbase, I completely agree that this fandom has been, and excuse my language here, fucking weirdos about her recreational drug use (+ mental health as a whole and even sex life) for at least nearly decade now, whether it's stuff we know she's had like alcohol or speculation of other stuff like cocaine. For the record, while I doubt she's a frequent user let alone addicted, given she's in the industry and been to her fair share of parties, it would not surprise me if she has tried heavier stuff than weed and alcohol. But either way, this fandom has been weird in that a lot of it is very much split into a once larger/louder but quietening group of arguably ableist puritans who refuse to even consider the possibility that she has taken heavier stuff and genuinely think she's a better person than addicts for it and another now louder group of people who think that making jokes about her sobriety and alcohol intake is not only acceptable, but funny.

Both sides are weird period, but I'll be honest, much like it seems to with you, the second group grinds my gears more and make it harder for me to be in this fandom given my past issues. I remember when Reputation first came out, my dash was filled with "Not 10 months sober anymore!", "We get it Taylor, you're an alcoholic!" and other jokes of that calibre which, even as recently as Midnights' release, got rehashed with "Taylor's on her drinking bender again!" jokes. And as a recovering addict and someone who feels they relied on alcohol too much (especially at the time Reputation was released), it made and continues to make it hard to partake in this fandom. To quote Taylor herself "The jokes weren't funny". They never were and to be honest, are even more horrifying post Folklore Long Pond where she, Jack and Aaron spoke about some very serious shit about alcohol that I resonated with as someone who relied on alcohol too much at one point in my life. And yes, I understand Taylor has made the odd joke about learning to make an alcoholic drink or whatever, but there is a big difference between that and ongoing alcoholism jokes coming from people who don't know her. But like you said, either way, it's not something that's really appropriate to joke about, let alone be proud of (thankfully I have not seen any of that, but I do not doubt people are saying it given this fandom's history).

The hardest part to see however is the way that both of these sides come together to bully and harass other artists to prop Taylor up. Like despite heralding Taylor as a supporter of addicts for releasing Clean and acknowledging that a lot of her fans relate it to sobriety, every single time someone disagrees with Taylor or otherwise does "wrong", these same fans that heralded her jump on the chance to belittle and villainise addiction when it has nothing to do with the situation at hand. I've even had it happen with me via hate anons over stupid shit like liking RED over 1989 in the 1989 era. Like as a whole, this fandom's lack of boundaries in general, but especially with this topic, is a big reason I keep to myself and am not that close to many people within the fandom.

In saying all of this though, if there's something I've learned from being a long term Demi Lovato stan, it's that while we can obviously care about Taylor, stressing will not do anything because we do not know her personally and cannot do anything even if she does become addicted (again noting that I don't think she is or will, just talking hypothetical here). And obviously that's far easier said than done because you're right, it is scary. But you need to prioritise your own mental health however you can. So whether that's blacklisting tags or taking some time away from this site, that's valid. But please know that either way, you are always welcome in this inbox and that I want nothing but the best for you 💜

[sweetdevillydia]

September 3rd, 2023

Dear Diary

Everyone in my class should just die

On God, how the hell did they manage to create a class where everyone in it is a stupid ableist transphobe insufferable idiot? It's a choosen subject yeah, but why only annoying people like what I like? And no-one of them is like me, which is surprising

I'm sociable and nice and pretty and I get along with everyone, it's just with this class that everybody hates me, it's because of my autism of course (and probably cause I'm trans) they think I'm weird and other stuff that alistics think about autistics, they're all so stupide

This week one of the stupid groups (my group is also full of stupid people but whatever) gave a presentation about autism, and they were so wrong that in my last year of school, I had to tell the class that I'm autistic just to prove how stupid and wrong they were, I corrected their stupid presentation and suddenly the whole class was against me in a stupid "debate", they used the puzzle symbol and examples from ableist shows for God's sake, the whole thing was full of misinformation and stereotypes, buuuut I was the wrong one in my classmate's eyes, the teacher listed to me tho, so there's that, she's kiiiiinda supportive you know, she tries

I did that because my classmates were going to hate me more anyway, so it's better to be hated and right, I proved my point probably, they have such huge egos, and their heads are so far up their asses that they probably ignored me but whatever, I know I'm right

Of course, they hate me more now, talk more about me behind my back, and spread rumors about me, I kept my neurodivergence to myself during all of my school years and I know that will spread like wildfire, but there's only more like 4 months of school, so it can't be that bad, can it? I'm tired of trying to be nice and getting people to like me if they're gonna hate me anyway, they're going to pay for it, I hate them, I hate them so much, and I'm tired of pretending I don't, they deserve to feel so much pain, they deserve to pay for all the pain they've caused to me and others, they're so bad to the other autistic boy at my other class, I'm basically the only one that defends him :(

They're so evil, they should be expurged, all of them should be tortured to death, I hate them so much, i want their heads on a stick, they should all be guillotined, especially that stupid bee, I hate that bee so bad, she thinks so high of herself, when in actually she's just pure 4'1 of a pick me annoying basic bitch stupid arrogant and her friends are the same thing with even less personality, they should burn to death

All of the ampar group is annoying and stupid and they all think they're so smart and protagonists of everyone's lives, they're the worse, no personality cunts, they should all drown, and since that stupid bitch thinks is so bad her boobs are soooo uneven (its unnoticeable but she talks about that way too much) it should all be cut off her body no anesthesia >:)

The "girl group" is also so annoying, they're SUPER loud, they SCREAM SO MUCH ALL THE TIME, and for what? They're the worst, dumb and weird and judge too much and it seems the only thing they know how to do is talk shit about others, their personality is being loud, and that stupid traitor, you'd think she'd take my side, but even that stupid ana betrayed me, she was known by being kinda smart but clearly she's not, I hope she doesn't become a doctor like her parents cause she can't fucking listen, they all should be stabbed to death, eyes poked out and everything

Then there are the other people, they're kind of secondary but they're even louder than the girl group, they're dumber and louder, and they're the most transphobic and I hope they all drown and burn and get limbs amputated and get beaten and that it takes months for them to die

And "my" group is just as bad, I wouldn't call them my group cause they ignore me, and even got the new kid to ignore me (the new kid was the one being ignored, but when I tried talking to him suddenly he was soooo part of the group) I just sit with them cause every assignment in that class is a group assignment, 2ish of the 6 members at least pretend to like me, everything went downhill after B left and new people joined, can't blame B for leaving school and blocking everyone from that class, I'll do the same. But anyway, their humor consists of making fun of each other, making fun of Disabilities, and making fun of trans people, yeah they're absolutely disgusting and I hate them

I'm tired of pretending I don't hate them after I tried so badly to make them like, they don't even just not have an opinion of me, they hate me for no reason and so I've started to hate them too, but I won't be silent anymore, I'll tell the teachers, I'll tell everyone about how their beloved students are actually like, karma is gonna get them

And that's why I think all of them should die

(Btw me and S. started talking again but we already stopped cause they committed the same mistake)