#Lan Zhan have you considered this?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

No time to play. You are being sent away.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[stoatafloat]

Come back to Gusu with me.

[mitchmotch]

my friend @revalito and i made an anastasia inspired au =]!

[lanwangjihouse]

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Holidays! I really love your writing, thanks for taking the time to write these prompts! I would like some Lady Mo please!

a continuation of 52 53 54 55 56

Wei Wuxian is irritated to see Song Lan, Xiao Xingchen, and A-Qing seated as far as from the main table as possible, but knows saying anything about it won't do anyone any good. Besides, all three of them look as exhausted as he feels, and it's a reminder that he's not the only one that's had a tumultuous day.

He's hoping he can leave the banquet early and crawl into bed and maybe cry a little bit before Lan Zhan joins him. He wants to blame pregnancy for his weepiness, but the truth of it is he wasn't exactly stoic and dry eyed in his first life.

"Lady Mo," on the senior disciples booms, far louder than necessary considering he's right there, "why aren't you drinking? You're not in Cloud Recesses anymore!"

The wine is right there and he can't even have any. What a tragedy.

He glances to the side, catching Jin Guangyao's eye instantly and neither of them so much as twitch but he's sure they understand each other perfectly. He never thought this level of familiarity was something he'd share with Jin Guangyao, but he can't say that he minds.

He briefly considers putting up a fuss at being referred to improperly, considering the very blatant insult in there, but the truth of it is whenever someone refers to him as Jin he wants to throw up a little bit.

"Jin Zixun," Jin Guangyao says smoothly, "Madame Lan is simply adhering to the rules of her sect."

Aw, putting him in his place and reminding him of Mo Xuanyu's status without using the name Jin, because he knows Wei Wuxian hates that. He'd pinch Jin Guangyao's cheek if he didn't think it'd get his fingers bitten off.

The senior disciple scoffs. "Even Sect Leader Lan drinks at banquets. Why shouldn't Madame Lan be able too? Toast to a fruitful year with me!"

Hold on a second, hasn't this happened before? He has a vague memory of drinking for Lan Zhan because someone was causing a fuss. Is this the same guy? It can't be the same guy.

Whatever. He can do the same trick Lan Xichen does and burn the alcohol off with his golden core. Which is sort of a waste, but the sting of it down his throat with none of the fun side effects is the closest he's going to get for a while.

Lan Zhan stands so abruptly that the table he's sharing with his brother scrapes against the floor.

Oh great. What's he doing now?

By the slight twitch of Jin Guangyao's left eyelid, Wei Wuxian knows he's thinking the same thing.

[nibbelraz]

can i know your ass rating hcs for the mxtx characters like top 10 asses

1. Jiang Cheng - Fattest ass: All his anger is stored in there

2. Xie Lian - He went through so much let him have this

3. Luo Binghe - When he fell into the abyss his ass broke his fall

4. Wei Wuxain - Mo Xuanyu made sure to leave the Yiling Laozu the best ass he could

4. Shang Qinghua - his self insert character had to have some other good assets beside scheming, moderate but nice ass

6. Yue Qingyuan - Worked VERY hard to sculpt his ass, it's nothing grand but it's there

7. Mobei Jun - Tits are bigger

8. Lan Zhan - One of the rules is against a big ass

9. Hua Cheng - can't be considered flat but at the right angle his bones will dig into you (He can shape shift so technically he can be anyone on this list but this is his default)

10. Shen Qingqiu - There is nothing, Binghe slaps it like it's concrete

I know you said top 10, but I can only think about the main ones so it just turned to a list

[wangxianficrecs]

The blame game by apathyinreverie

🔒 The blame game

by apathyinreverie (@apathyinreverie)

T, 13k, Wangxian

Summary: Wei Ying doesn’t know what to make of it when, after he so publicly confronts the Jins, his staunchest supporter turns out to be… Zewu-jun? (Or, Lan Xichen time travels, immediately goes about fixing things, and promptly confuses the fuck out of everyone along the way.) Kay's comments: Ah, POV Outsider on time-travel stories can be so fun! Especially if it's just confusing to everyone around! Here we have POV Wei Wuxian on a time-travelling Lan Xichen, who stands up for him when he first asks after the Wens after Wen Qing came to hime for help. Wei Wuxian is mostly passive here, as Lan Xichen takes the lead, and I absolutely love it. Suddenly, he finds himself in the Jingshi, with Lan Wangji taking playing with A-Yuan and wonderung: Huh... How did I end up here again? Super great and hopeful story! Excerpt: “Er-ge,” Jin Guangyao steps forward from beside his father’s seat, ready to smooth things over with his sworn brother. Lan Xichen calmly turns his head to meet his eyes, head tilting in a gentle gesture of encouragement. Although… There seems to be something off about it. Something coiled, something sad, something devastated. Wei Ying is confused. A quick glance at Lan Zhan shows him that it clearly isn’t his imagination either, the merest of furrows between the Second Jade’s brow as he watches Zewu-jun. Like, Lan Zhan, too, might be uncertain what to make of his brother’s uncharacteristic demeanor at the moment. Silence reigns for several elongated moments, Jin Guangyao appearing somewhat taken aback by the uncharacteristically inflexible look on his sworn brother’s usually so amicable face. Still, he rallies himself quickly, speaking softly, demurely, bowing his head in supposed agreement, “Er-ge is of course right. Such accusations should be considered carefully for their… merit.” It is that brief pause at the end which almost has Wei Ying wanting to applaud the man for his delicate phrasing. As though everyone here isn’t aware that Jin Guangyao is – once more and forever again – pointing out the disparity between Wei Ying’s station as the accuser and Jin What’s-His-Face’s as the accused. A not-so-subtle reminder that it is the mere son of a servant, who is daring to speak against one of the gentry. How laughable.

pov wei wuxian, canon divergence, time travel, time travel fix-it, time travelling lan xichen, pov outsider on time travel, possessive lan wangji, oblivious wei wuxian, developing relationship, wen remnants live, wei wuxian lives, wei wuxian has a new golden core, golden core reveal, wei wuxian goes to gusu, friends to lovers, happy ending

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(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

May 29th

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1. Hi, I’m looking for a fic in which lan zhan and wei ying are in a relationship. They argue a lot but every argument ends with wei ying jumping in bed with lan zhan and hugging him from behind to resolve it until one day they have a really serious argument and Wei ying doesn’t come to resolve it first. They might have broken up as well, and lan zhan realized wei ying constantly made effort to resolve the arguments first and lan zhan never did.

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2. Hello hello!! I have two requests this time

A) In this fic Wei Ying is the God of the Underworld. Infact everybody is a God here. And Wei Ying has a town or city built in his domain for the souls of the dead and I think the Wens lived there. Also the other Gods considered him a pariah. I remember this one scene where he comes up or goes down the stairs from heaven which leads to the Underworld after a conference with the Gods.

B) I remember only one scene from this fic. It was during the Wen Indoctrination where after Wei Ying was sent to the cell with the Dog he acts dead and Lan Wangji and Jiang Wanyin are heartbroken. But actually Wen Qing just helped Wei Ying's heart rate to slow down to convince Wen Chao of his death. I think Wei Ying wakes up right there after a few minutes or so. @yilinglaobunny

2A)

FOUND! there will come soft rains by infinite (recursion) (Not Rated, 14k, WangXian, Gods & Goddesses, Hades/Persephone AU)

2B)

FOUND! 🔒💖 the universe would turn to a mighty stranger by RavenclawLoki (T, 11k, wangxian, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Some mentions of blood, it looks like someone is dead but!!, it is okay, everything is going to be okay i promise, First Kiss, Canon Divergence, Wwx and lwj know they’re in love, They just don’t know the other loves them back, Everyone Lives AU, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ)

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3. Hi I'm trying to find a fic where lan zhan and jiang cheng are repeatingly kidnapping it wei ying from each other

FOUND? Wei Wuxian’s Kidnapping Back and Forth Farce (Starring Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji) by misscam (M, 5k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Humor, Switching)

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4. Hello, I’m looking for a specific fic that takes place post canon. Basically it’s a short fic where Lan Zhan goes out to travel for something and while he’s gone someone upsets Wei Ying, so to get back at him Wei Ying pretends to have sex super loudly every night. Lan Zhan hears about it and rushes back and hides in the room to find out what’s going on. I think they slept together after but I don’t remember well. I read it a few years ago and all can’t find it since.

FOUND? 🔒 The Sweetest Morsel to the Mouth That Ever Was Cooked in Hell by Silvarbelle (E, 14k, WangXian)

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5. Hi! There was this Wangxian fic where Lan Zhan got cursed and pushed Wei Ying away because he didn't recognize him and Wei Ying got badly hurt. Wen Qing was alive she made some sort of a healing bubble around Wei Ying for him to heal. I clearly remember she identified Wei Ying as her brother and asked Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen to keep Lan Zhan away from him. Lan Zhan was distraught after the curse wore off. Along with Sizhui and the others. Thank you!

FOUND? Brothers, Brothers-in-Law and Husbands by xxxMiaHikarixxx (G, 7k, WangXian, XiCheng, Lan Zhan accidentally hurts Wei Ying, Injured wei ying, Wen Qing is alive, protective Lans, protective Cheng, for once both Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng are good, Wedding, Protective Wen siblings, Jingyi and Yuan are best boys)

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6. Hi, I remember there being a fic but can't seem to find it : where the juniors end up in the past or a different universe where they see JGY and other cultivators in a meeting and one of JL or LY throw a weapon most probably a dagger killing JGY which makes LXC unhappy, hostile and maybe a little shocked but when he makes a move towards the juniors WangXian appear and WY tells/warns him from doing so. I remember I read it on ao3 but don't recall the chapter count apologises for the vague details but this is all that I remember so something with a similar premise or any help would be appreciated.

FOUND? A Blast from the Past by NightSky07 (G, 8k, WangXian, LCC/JC, JYL/JZX, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, WWX Needs a Hug, JYL gives it to him, juniors time travel, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Protective LWJ, Protective LSZ, BAMF WWX, The Junior Ensemble Love WWX, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, YLLZ WWX, Past WWX meets future WWX, Confused JC)

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7. Need help in finding a fic where a modern day girl gets transmigrated into the MDZS universe and she uses her phone to make maps and helps with the war from the shadows but she gets caught by Lan Xichen. I think Lan Xichen fell in love with her but not sure as the fic was in progress. Please help

FOUND? i told you when i came i was a stranger by Caramelized (M, 50k, OFC/LXC, minor WangXian, Isekai, Transmigration, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Amateur cartography, Butterfly Effect, Sunshot Campaign, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, No Golden Core Transfer, Dimension Travel, Politics, LXC the politician, Self-Insert, Foreknowledge, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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8. hi there I'm looking for a fic where's wei Ying deleted himself from existing I think and there was some kind of flower that represent that and Jiang Cheng and lan wangji are trying to save him, I'm sorry I'm not so got at writing in English I hope you understand ❤❤❤❤❤

FOUND? Remember by Amona (T, 59k, JC & WWX, WangXian, WIP, Canon Divergence, Mentions of Suicide, Self-Sacrifice, Erasing oneself from history, by WWX, forget WWX, colored souls, because it's pretty, Sword Spirits, JC has to take crash courses, But he'll do it for his brother, Major Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con)

FOUND? missed by ilip13 (T, 5k, WangXian, JC & WWX, JYL & WWX, Canon Divergence, But also, Modern with Magic, Reincarnation, Temporary Character Death, Sort Of, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love, Mention of canon-typical violence, Not time travel but timeline manipulation, Not nonlinear storytelling but the opposite of linear storytelling)

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9. Hiya,

Looking for a modern fic where LWJ is constantly being mean to WWX, whose constantly trying to befriend him. Eventually wwx has a whole breakdown about it, and he mentions how LWJ is an asshole to him for no reason. There’s a scene mentioning wwx baking cookies for him and he thought Lwj threw it out but in reality it is revealed in the end by Lwj himself that he ate it (although he was allergic to it) and WWX says something along the lines of that’s why you missed class that Monday. Turns out LWJ just struggles with communication. I think they are neighbors or roommates I can’t remember. Hopefully someone can help.

Thank you!!

FOUND? A Marriage Story by DeviyudeThoolika (E, 38k, wangxian, NMJ/LXC, married wangxian, but there are some complications, because it’s marriage, Sex is complicated, Angst and Pining, Pining while fucking, Mature elements, Mutual Pining, HEA, Arranged Marriage, Sort Of, Misunderstandings, of epic proportions, One True Pairing, Good Sibling JC, Good Parent YZY, Fluff and Angst, in that order, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Loves WWX, Angst and Hurt/Comfort) or if not this one, by this author

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10. I am looking for a canon era (not modern) fic where Lan Wangji was kidnapped as a child and I think he was raised in a brothel. He grows up and curses himself to be hideous so that the men who frequent the brothel don’t try to touch him. Eventually true love breaks the curse (like, WWX loves him regardless of his appearance) and I think Wangji happily reconciles with Xichen.

FOUND! Turn Left by kianspo (M, 204k, WangXian, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, eventually, references to child sexual abuse, not main characters, Neurodivergent LWJ, Slow Build, Lán Family Feels, specifically, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, lwj-centric, Twin Jades of Lán Dynamics, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Angst with Happy Ending)

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11. It's been some time since the last FF I've asked but here we go again :'D I'd like to find a fic that had WangXian traveling together and LWJ's back/scars were bothering him and it worsened because of cold weather? Most likely the fic was post canon. There might have been a bath house or a hot spring involved there somewhere

Yes, LWJ knew he was traveling with WWX. No, he didn't get more scars.

did lan zhan not know it was wei ying travelling with him, and did he get more scars as time went on?

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12. Hi, I would love some help locating a fic. I can't really remember a lot of the main plot since it has been a while since I read it. I believe it is a post-canon fic, but Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had to go back to the Burial Mounds, and Wei Wuxian had to unbury his original body that was buried in the blood pool. I think. I also think that for Wei Wuxian's original body to survive, he had to wear a bracelet of some sort. I don't remember, or maybe I am confused by two different fics.

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13. For the fic finder!! TIA!!

This may be a scene from a long fic but I’m not sure. Wwx is possessed by something more than resentful energy- it’s an ancient demon who wants to destroy the world. Wwx seals himself inside the cold pond cave and puts up a barrier- I guess prepared to stay there forever? Lwj somehow gets in there to stay with him, and has conversations with the demon. The demon is extremely strong, throws him around and hurts him a little. His brother and uncle are pacing outside the barrier demanding he come out. The elders want to execute wwx which is why lwj is in the cave in the first place.

It’s canon setting but I can’t remember the time line- war? No war? Wwx and lwj aren’t together yet though. I remember this fic being pretty good- I’d love to reread it!

FOUND!🔒 Breathing Firestorm by ladyshadowdrake (M, 110k, wangxian, angst, fluff, captivity, creepy WRH, no non-con, dreamsharing, politics, people making the best decisions they can, epic length, mythical creature WWX, canon-typical violence, dark, happy ending)

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14. hello!! thank you for all the work you do. i've been trying to find a fic in my bookmarks/ searching for it but i just can't seem to find it unfortunately. i remember it to be an arranged marriage au? where lwj and wwx loved each other very much but upon learning that wei wuxian's tail colour (or species) meant he would not settle, miscommunication happens and just angst. it is a happy ending though, because i think that another person tells lwj that wei changze's tail colour/species meant that wwx would be loyal to him? sorry if this is too broad, thank you!

FOUND? what you have tamed by lianhua_lianzi, Senforza (E, 94k, WangXian, Animal Traits, misunderstandings (not the romcom kind that can be resolved in a 5min convo), Courting Rituals, Pining, Lan family dynamics, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Wangxian break up but get back together, Eventual Happy Ending, vague biological essentialism (animal species have different mating preferences), Canon Typical Alcohol Usage, Implied Mpreg, Unresolved Sexual Tension, unintentional and eventually resolved "gaslighting", Dragon LWJ, Fox WWWX)

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15. Hello! I am searching for a fic I read that I think was multiple short installments in a series on ao3. It was a war au where Wangji had presented as some kind of dragon and he was in charge of the Lan clan. Wuxian was a thief or mercenary. They had met as children and Wangji imprinted on Wuxian, but they parted ways then. They meet again on the battlefield and Wangji pulls Wuxian into his tent and is like “bathe him!” I think Wangji put a silver collar on Wuxian that Wuxian couldn’t remove on his own. There were dom/sub undertones. Any clue?

FOUND!🔒 Have him stripped, bathed, and brought to my tent by KizuKatana (E, 30k, WangXian, Dark LWJ, A/B/O, Huli-Jing WWX, powerplay/powerdynamic, dubcon (due to power dynamics), Overstimulation, Edging, Biting, Scenting, Possessiveness, LWJ Has a Big Dick, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, warlord, Emperor LWJ, civilian (sort of) captive (also sort of) WWX, dragon sex magic, Not traditional Chinese emperor history fully alternate reality of immortal creatures)

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16. HI, thanks for all your amazing work!! You rock!! Sorry to bother, but I hope I can get an answer!! I'm looking for a story were in the future, in space, Wei Wuxian is kidnapped everyone believes him dead and is used by Jin Guangshan and I think Xue Yang to try to destroy others. I think he has an implant that has prevented him from escaping but he manages to plant bombs and asks Lan Zhan to kill him when he finds him!! Please help!! be well!! @monicaop21

FOUND! Stars bring us apart (Stars pull us together) by Sixlayerhouse (sixlayerhouse) (E, 124k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, (Vaguely) Star Trek AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD, Body modifications, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Recovery, married!wangxian)

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17. Hi, I need some help looking for a fic on ao3 I was SO SURE I had bookmarked, but apparently not. The fic is Jingyi-centric and features a drunk jingyi trying to hit on Jin Ling's uncles at a bar, I'm fairly certain Jingyi is college age and the fic mentions sizhui and wangxian near the end. It was marked as complete, and I think it was a one-shot. Sorry if it's a bit vague, but it's been a while and I'm starting to think I just made it up if it hasn't been deleted. Thank you in advance! @angrymarconi

FOUND!🔒UILF by bosgood (T, 3k, JC/NHS, LSZ & NHS, JC & JL, NHS & the juniors, ONE-SIDED LJY/NHS and LJY/NHS/JC, and mention of ONE-SIDED LJY/WWX/LWJ, LJY has the UNREQUITED hots for JL's various uncles OK, unrequited, nothing happens!, featuring reactions ranging from laughing one's ass off to fully dying inside, Humor, I love the fics where LJY and/or OYZZ is like damn JL's uncle is fine, so this is my contribution to the genre, Modern, College, Established Relationship, WWX & LWJ are LSZ's parents, JL Has a Lot of Uncles, canon-typical junior shenanigans)

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18. Hey! There’s this thread fic I read a while ago, I believe it’s a “Bikini Armor” au? It’s where Knight!Lwj is meets another fellow knight (Wwx) on the road, but Wwx’s armor is magical? Basically it only visibly covers his privates and part of his chest, the rest is magic. I remember it was a punishment by Madam Yu, and that Lwj finds out when the armor breaks.

Ty!

FOUND? His Knight in Shining Armour by celerydragon (E, 23k, WangXian, dead dove do not eat, Curses, Sexual Abuse, Child Abuse, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Slut Shaming, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, yu furen sucks, protective lwj, Hurt/Comfort, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, mild dirty talk, Biting, Outdoor Sex)

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19. Hello!

I’m looking for a fix where Wei Ying is gorgeous and coveted by everyone. The junior quartet often have to run interference because he doesn’t realize it. I think an innkeeper’s brother lusts after him too. One of his admirers decides to capture and assault him. Thankfully, Wei Ying is able to use ghosts to overpower him. Eventually, Lan Zhan comes and rescues him. Please help me find this fic! Thank you very much!

FOUND! Cotton Wool by incendir (M, 34k, wangxian, LJY/OMC, JL/LSZ, JC & WWX)

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20. So I've lost a fic again, and I need your help once more!

So the premise of the fic was that lwj did enact that fantasy of taking wwx in the library when they were young, only after lwj internally freaks out and runs off to his brother for punishment because "xiongzhang I took someone by force 😢 I'm horrible"

I don't remember how exactly they got there but lxc gets lwj and wwx to talk, intending for wwx to decide how lwj should be punished as the wronged party. Except wwx somehow comes to the conclusion of "Let me f*ck (fuck) Lan zhan! 😠 he took me, so now I should take him!"

Things end happily but that's all I remember. Please help me! (And before anyone asks, no I'm not mixing it up with the Teapot Plot)

FOUND! My Boyfriend Is So Talented by Xiao_Zhang (E, WangXIan, Underage, Rape/Non-Con, Canon Divergence, Mutual Pining, Sex, LWJ gives in to his lust, Teenage Wangxian, Fluff and Smut, Rape/Non-con Elements, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Misunderstandings)

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[rayan12sworld]

💙What Big Teeth You Have

By:WishingStar

Summary:

During his “night hunt” in Yiling, Lan Wangji is struck by a curse that transforms him into a wolf. He approaches Wei Wuxian for help. This is how he learns three things:

1) Wei Wuxian is afraid of dogs and dog-adjacent creatures.

2) Wei Wuxian will do literally anything for a friend in need.

3) Wei Wuxian considers Lan Wangji to be... possibly more than a friend?!?

Chapter:6/?

Words:22,777

Status:ongoing

~~

“Dog-ge, listen to me,” he says firmly. “You will not tell Lan Zhan that I used to have naughty dreams about him when we were students! Understand?” Lan Wangji does not understand. He runs through the sentence in his head again. Nope. He must have misheard something. Unrelatedly, the inside of the carriage has gotten extremely warm. “Are you judging me?” Wei Ying demands. “Is that why you won’t answer? What would a dog know about these kinds of things, anyway? Lan Zhan is extremely handsome! And attractive! Of course I dreamed about him, I’ll bet everyone in our class did!” “I didn’t,” Nie Huaisang says, voice sounding strained. “You yourself said he was an unparalleled, beautiful and elegant gentleman!” “I meant aesthetically beautiful, like a painting! Not like someone I wanted to sleep with!” Oh. That’s what they’re talking about. Oh.

[askew-d]

Hello again....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from MDZS? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

sure! its no trouble at all. sorry i am embarassingly late and thank you for the question, i loved making this list :)

1. wei wuxian, our selfless yiling laozu

alright, you can call me cliché, everyone loves him, right? but kendrick lamar said it’s all about love and hate in the game so let me tell you, i love this man. i love the way that he walks, the way that he kills, the way that he dresses, the way that he mocks others, the way that he protect those he loves, the way he’s unbearably and so utterly good to the core (no irony or pun intended), regardless of everything he’s been through. because let’s come clean: other characters, such as xue yang and meng yao, did have their reasons to be evil, i comprehend them! i validate their motives to be who they are, but it does not, for the love of god, excuses their actions.

and that’s the thing! because wei wuxian has been though hell and back, way worse than them, yet he chose to continue doing good things. it’s just who he is (unbelievable, right?). he is, essentialy, someone who pursues justice. he sought revenge for what he suffered, that he rightly did, but he didn’t lash out on innocent cultivators who had nothing to do with his injuries. and the amount of strength, resilience, kindness and sheer wisdom that resides in this makes my admiration for him grow as deep as the ocean. he’s the ultimate main character of every fictional world. no one’s doing tragedy, revenge, inteligence, selflessness, love and being a troublemaker like him, ok. he’s one for the history books. and with that we go to:

2. lan wangji, our beloved hanguang-jun

i said this before, but i will say it again: i feel like wei wuxian might kill me every time i go around saying ‘lan zhan’ or even start worshipping him too much. however, who wouldn’t worship him? he’s a god among humans; a superhero in a novel about cultivators. if wei wuxian’s considered by some an antihero, he’s the true, righteous captain america right here. and it’s not just the looks, he’s a whole package: a terrific father, a dedicated brother and nephew, an esteemed cultivator, a marvellous husband and a fair human being.

most of all, i dearly love him for the fact that he’s been loving wei wuxian since the beginning and never let that go. this man fought for his love like no one else did. he remembered wei wuxian when no one else did. he tried and tried, for him. he waited thirteen years, for him. in fact, if wei wuxian had never returned, he’d just have been waiting and waiting, living his life in grief, watching the moonlight alone…… but that’s a thought for another moment.

the amount of love this man carries is unbearable, really. it’s who he is too. and i also adore the fact that he has a lot of personas: he’s a serious senior for the disciples, a feral animal in bed, silly in some moments and painfully romantic in others. he’s just unreal!

3. lan jingyi, the most atypical lan that has ever lanned

if this boy was in the modern times, im sure i would make friends with him. hes everyones spirit inside this story. he is one of hell of a representation: he can judge, yell, put some sense into other peoples minds, act even more senseless and tell truths without caring for the consequences (and then crying when faced with the punishment of headstands). and the best part of all: he is, oddly, a lan! i love him! best boy ever (alright, perhaps after lan sizhui, but i relate to jingyi harder).

put him in a modern school. can you disagree with me that he would be the one student lurking in the far away desks acting all angelic when the teacher comes close only to act like a little devil, screaming, laughing loudly and hiding food in his backpack during activities? can you disagree with me that he would be the one to run and jump like a maniac when its time for p.e class and sleep out of boredom when the teacher starts explaining serious stuff? can you disagree with me he would pretend to enact the rules only to receive bad grades and pull the most stupid facades to hide it from his parents?

in some ways, he does have similarities with wei wuxian. but wei wuxian is a genius who wouldnt even go to class when he didnt want to, sleep instead of play-pretend and even so receive the best grades ever, annoying everyone. theres this difference. but lan jingyi isnt a genius, he is just one of us. and i love him for it.

4. wen qing, my beautiful doctor

wen qing, my beloved, you didnt deserve that backlash.... this woman deserved to have a happy family, alright. she deserved a little bit of happiness! she deserved to have her brother with her! she deserved to be well and to not have suffered so badly just because of her surname. if there is one thing i agree with (and i dont remember exactly who said it, but it was from twitter), is that the girls from mdzs are underrated, underappreciated and deserved tons more love. but anyway, let us mention wen qing!

this woman protected wei wuxian and jiang cheng, did a procedure to give jiang cheng a golden core, never killed anyone, ran from fighting in the war against innocent people because she does not share these wicked principles, and still ended up watching her family get tortured, his brother dead and was burned alive. the sheer cruelty of what they put her (and them) through is unbelievable. i wanted her to have a lovely family and to continue being a great friend to wei wuxian, seriously, they were such a great duo. i cannot get tired of aus in which they are rommates or something! she is usually sarcastic, fierce, bossy and so responsible. how could someone not like her?

5. a-qing, the girl who went to her limits and beyond

this girl went over the limits of heaven and hell, in fact. i love her determination and how clever she is! look at how long she managed to trick xue yang! who else who could that? i believe not even wei wuxian could have topped it. she deserved to continue living within that world with xiao xingchen. i also cannot avoid to point out that she was not a cultivator. she was a simple girl, left to struggle in the streets, who still achieved what she achieved. she lived with an esteemed rogue cultivator, manipulated one of the most essential antagonists, returned as a ghost to protect people from this specific antagonist, used a lot of her spiritual strenght to show wei wuxian the truth, continued to give wei wuxian and hanguang-jun directions to find xue yang, and received many support, compliments and faith from the main group of our story.

personally, i cannot think of another female character in the story who did more than her. wen qing did a lot, sure, but she came from a big sect. jiang yanli too. mianmian was a cultivator too. a-qing was not, and nonetheless, this girl rocks! unbelievable. if i went through what she did, i would have lost all will to persist long ago. that is another thing mdzs brought me: the perspective that, even when you are kind and did nothing wrong, you might still have tragedies happen to you. people will die anyway. including you. kindness is important, and sometimes it may save you, but sometimes it may also cause you harm. are you strong enough to have all the kindness and all that tragedy and still endure?

because a-qing, wei wuxian and so many of them did.

well, now onto my favorite parts from the novel! i will try and make this quicker. haha, lets go.

when wei wuxian and lan wangji were stuck (stuck? not actually, i believe, wei wuxian caused it) in that farm and our main character just simply laid on top of lan wangji. and he still dared... to call himself.... not a cut-sleeve. yeah, sure, bro, no homo and all that. and thats definitely not a boner beneath your clothes, huh.

when wei wuxian starts falling real hard and he wonders if he will ever be able to sleep in a bed without lan wangji again, and later on after they have sex, he f i n a l l y realizes that there is no wei wuxian without lan wangji. in a dramatic mood, even. like, seriously, dude?? what a way to pine, but ok. go get your man or something, we all waiting for it.

every extra. i just... love every bit from the extra.

in the scene where lan wangji is drunk and they start playing hide-and-seek. and lan wangji just hides himself behind smth. and shows only a bit of his face. he nods, pouts, begs with his face to continue. i died right there.

the confession. the confession. the tear. the confession. the shock from everyone else. the 'hug me tighter!' after. the confession. the hug. THE CONFESSION.

hahaha i admit it, for me everything is about them. is it not about them? you cannot tell me otherwise. i love wangxian with all my heart. also, your asks are all lovely, i love them, feel free to always send whatever you want :) hope you have a great day and week ahead of you.

[rarepears]

Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, and Nie Mingjue all reincarnate together into PIDW, and become disciples around the same time as Luo Binghe.

The drama of this is of course enhanced by the facts that NMJ & JGY died "early," but NHS & LXC lived to the end of their natural lives as cultivators, and so some of their perspectives and opinions on events have naturally changed with age. (tfw the passage of time renders you unfamiliar to your once-loved ones)

Eventually they talk about their feelings and reconcile and such, and this ends up derailing the plot of PIDW severely as the rest of the PIDW characters confusedly observe quite possibly the weirdest disciples Cang Qiong's ever seen

NMJ on Bai Zhan, with no clue what's going on because he died first and NHS & LXC haven't told him anything

NHS on An Ding, thoroughly enjoying what's pretty much a vacation to him at this point and possibly running an interpeak illicit goods market (definitely not to distract himself from any of the emotions having NMJ & JGY alive and nearby would be causing him, Everything Is Fine) I haven't decided if he'd get involved with the whole og!SQH and MBJ situation tho

LXC on Qiong Ding, because I feel like he'd see himself in Yue Qingyuan and lowkey hate him for it and I think that could be interesting

JGY on Qing Jing, because he's the objectively the funniest/most interesting character to throw into the mess that is SJ and LBH. The way I imagine it, he's doing the most direct derailing of the plot, because he mostly accidentally gets right in the middle of the thing that is going on between those two

I feel like as I wrote this it became more serious than I originally intended so just know that I'm mentally picturing this like a fic that's interspersed with outsider POV of the 4 of them being completely deranged about eachother

(Also I'd feel bad taking away LXC's brother so LWJ and WWX + friends are busy doing hot girl shit being rogue cultivators. I think WWX should be a half demon so he gets to keep the cultivation and steal some of LBH's protagonist energy. If this was a fic then the rest of the Untamed gang would be perfect to use for side characters during off-peak missions)

*grabs popcorn and sits down to hear more*

Nie Huaisang is having too much fun waiting the two idiots called his shizun and shizun's poorly kept secret of a boyfriend go flailing around on these terribly unromantic dates BUT THE TWO WERE TRYING SO HARD that it was cute. He wonders if he should do something to help the poor idiots out... Should he?

Maybe he should...

(Watch Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun suddenly have a number of sex pollen accidents over the next few months....)

Lan Xichen would be an old man and a good voice of reason for Yue Qingyuan. Although he's head disciple and a very good one at that (if only because his Big Brother instincts can't be held back and he MUST interfere to help prevent history repeating once more), Lan Xichen has made it very clear that he would never accept becoming sect leader.

Also don't forget Liu Mingyan in the background writing about a 4 person sex orgy. At least, that's her personal theory for why there's so much UNRESOLVED TENSION between these four sus male disciples. And also, because it's fun.

It's even funner when you consider that Nie Mingjue is out of the loop of Cang Qiong stuff even on Bai Zhan because he tags along on so many of Liu Qingge's missions that he's probably spending like 8 months of the year outside of the sect.

(Nie Huaisang gets "assigned" to missions that happen to take place near Nie Mingjue's hunts.)

Meng Yao is Meng Yao and he still craves the approval of Male Authority Figures That Could be his dad. Also Meng Yao still likes to climb up the social hierarchy and power. AKA Luo Binghe growing mushrooms in the corner at seeing ANOTHER QING JING disciple THE SAME AGE AS HIM being given SO MUCH ATTENTION AND APPROVAL by shizun.

Luo Binghe develops a complex over Meng Yao of course.

(Shen Jiu approves of Meng Yao because he understands these characters very well and know how to manipulate (cough kill or injury them physically or mentally) them easily. Plus Meng Yao is actually competent.)

[More in #Nie Huaisang Lan Xichen Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue reincarnate into PIDW and are Cang Qiong disciples at the same time as Luo Binghe is AU

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

MDZS AU in which Mo Xuanyu is a severely bullied queer kid but nobody is willing to help him in any way because his bullies are stinking rich, sponsors of the fancy rich kid school and also some are even his cousins.

He's at his wits' end and downright suicidal when he stumbles upon this page online about summoning demons and selling your soul to them in exchange for something (kind of like Death Girl)

Except you have to call onto specific demons or nobody will answer the summoning

So Mo Xuanyu goes onto a dark, caffeine-fueled rabbithole of mythology and demonology for a few days and nights until he finds the legend of the fearsome evil Yiling Patriarch

Dude sounds unhinged enough, the flute playing is a thing they have in common (even if MXY's shitty aunt pulled him out of his flute classes a while ago due to "financial issues") and apparently people rumor he was gay for some Lightbringer guy.

Perfect.

So Mo Xuanyu prepares the ritual and... nothing happens. He's so angry and disillusioned he's about to take his own life in frustration because not even this worked, nothing does, he'll be bullied and abused forever - but then, out of black smoke, finally emerges nome other than the scary Yiling Patriarch, only he's a bit... disheveled? And has a white ribbon around one of his hands??

"What is it, kid?"

"...y-y-you're the Yiling Patriarch...?!"

"In the flesh... err, kind of. Anyway, what do you want with me?"

"In a moment, but, um, why did it take you so long to show up??"

Mo Xuanyu swears the Yiling Patriarch turns red a little. "I was... busy! Underworld stuff, very important. So now care to tell me why you had to just pull me out of that super important stuff?"

"Iwantyoutokillmybullies!"

"Slower, kid, I am like 15 centuries old, my hearing isn't the best anymore."

"I want you to kill my bullies... i'll give you my soul in return!"

The Yiling Patriarch sighs softly and pats the kid's head. "Your soul is very precious, kid. Don't give it up just like that."

Mo Xuanyu screams, frustrated tears in his eyes. "I'm not! I've been bullied and abused all my life and I'm so tired of it! I want them all to pay! So take my soul and do it! That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?!"

"You'll die in 10 years if I take your soul as payment. Do you really not think you'll want to live in 10 years?"

"No! There's nothing in this world for me! Everyone hates me and I hate everyone and everything in it! If you don't take my soul, I'll just kill myself anyway!"

"Hm..." and the Yiling Patriarch takes a few seconds to think. "... how about this? We make a deal but not for your soul. I'll help you with the bullies thing pro bono, no payment, and then I'll come see you in 10 years. If you still want to die, I'll take your soul. If not, consider my help just some random act of kindness."

"Why would a demon be kind??"

"I am not exactly a demon per se. Complicated stuff. Anyway, you in or not?"

"What the hell, let's do it!"

Next day, Mo Xuanyu's bullies wait for him in front of the school gates ready to taunt him and beat him up again.

Except he rolls up in a black Lambo with two super buff looking guys that he calls "uncle Wei Ying" and "uncle Lan Zhan" that see him off to class - before uncle Wei Ying puts a very friendly hand on one of the bullies' shoulders and only slightly lowers his sunglasses so his red eyes shine.

"I'm a really nice guy so I'll warn you. Once. Mess with Mo Xuanyu again and I'll make sure it's the last thing you do." And he smiles a fanged smile. "Or I'll let my husband turn you into a memory. He's very good with his sword and I mean that literally."

"H-H-Husband?!"

"What, any problem with that?"

"No sir you two are an amazing couple!!"

Mo Xuanyu's bullies not only leave him alone but also transfer schools to the other side of the country. Their donations to the school are now replaced with Mo Xuanyu's "uncles" support and so nobody is impacted.

And this is the story of how Mo Xuanyu was adopted by two demon king husbands.

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride!!! I would die for a continuation of lady mo please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39

Wei Wuxian is keeping himself upright through sheer force of will and his utter refusal to let Lan Zhan be right about anything.

He has been sort of exhausted lately, but he’s been training himself into the ground and keeping to ridiculous Lan morning routines and he has a curse mark slowly killing him, so he thinks he’s entitled. He would have made it to the Jin tower just fine if he hadn’t run into Song Lan and had to hunt down a town fierce corpses and fight Xue Yang. That alone would leave most people exhausted, so he has a perfectly good excuse for his vision to be going fuzzy on the edges.

Except he’d literally rather fall off his sword and snap his neck then admit that. He can’t even let that happen, because A-Qing is flying on his sword with him, and she’s not even a cultivator. Her bones will break a lot easier than his will.

He’s not even injured. Or, well, not any injuries that count. He once fought off fierce corpses right after having his core ripped out, being tortured, and dropped from a height high enough to kill. Some bruises and cuts are nothing, and they don’t feel like anything now. Maybe he should have let Xue Yang stab him a couple of times. It would have made everything more believable and also would have let him nap with his dignity intact.

They land back at the inn and the rest of the Lans look extremely relieved and then confused when they see their newest additions. Except for Jin Guangyao, who only shows that he’s noticed them by raising a single eyebrow and looking to him immediately.

Jin Guangyao is a stone cold bitch that’s too smart for anyone’s own good. Wei Wuxian sort of regrets that they’d never had any reason to really get to know one another during the war. Surely Jin Guangyao could have steered him away from some of his worse decisions.

“We’re bringing guests,” he announces to all of them, jumping to the ground and nudging A-Qing to do the same with a guiding hand on her hip. “Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, who I assume you all already know. And A-Qing. They’ve had a rough time and we’re going to be very nice to them.” He looks over to Lan Xichen. “I guess it’s a good thing that you brought the carriage. They can ride in there the rest of the way.”

The awkward silence is broken by Jin Guangyao saying, “Madame Jin is not fond of accommodating extra guests.”

Madame Jin is going to make Jin Guangyao deal with it because she’s petty that way. Apparently Jin Zixuan plays interference as much as he can, but considering he’s no longer fighting fit and the perfect heir he once was, his ability to influence his mother has been similarly reduced.

A politician down to her core. Wei Wuxian might be able to admire it if it didn’t make him hate her so much.

“I’m not fond of Madame Jin, so I’m sure it even outs,” he says carelessly.

Some of the Lan go to the effort to pretend to be appalled but most of them seem to have no problem agreeing, regardless of all the rules of propriety and respecting one’s elders that he’s breaking. People take their cue from their leaders and Lan Xichen is straight up just pretending he didn’t say that, probably because he agrees.

He’s treated to the rare sight of Jin Guangyao’s dimples. “Can you at least pretend not to be a menace? I can only put out so many fires at once.”

“I can pretend,” he agrees and then A-Qing is faking a coughing fit to hide her giggles.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Fuck-or-die, post Canon married Wangxian. WWX gets hit with sex pollen/curse when LWJ isn't present. He decide that 'yes he would rather die' than having sex with anyone else. His companions are trying to get LWJ there or convince WWX to fuck and meanwheile WWX are handing out instructions for how to resurect him/planning out possession/creating a new body/in general how to return from the dead again. You decide if LWJ gets there in time or they have to use one of WWX:s plans.

WANT: Wangxian

DNW: Wangxian with anyone else, unhappy ending

ao3

“So I guess I die then?” Wei Wuxian asked.

He looked disturbingly cheerful about the idea, but possibly that was just the aftereffects of his fit of laughter when he found out exactly what the curse he’d been hit with did.

Or possibly he was just laughing because he’d managed, through a considerable exertion of effort and purposeful obstinance, to get Lan Qiren to actually say the words “fuck or die” out loud. The latter was now looking thoroughly peeved and much less concerned about the imminent demise of the newest member of the Cloud Recesses than he had a little while earlier, which was also a benefit.

“What are you talking about?” Jin Ling demanded, having not calmed down in the slightest. He looked irritated and worried at the same time – he  reallyrather resembled his uncle at the moment, since both of them scowling at Wei Wuxian as if he had personally insulted their mothers. “Of course you’re not going to die!”

“You heard Teacher Lan,” Wei Wuxian said with a shrug. “It’s fuck-or-die, right? And Lan Zhan, who is the only person I’d consider for the first part, isn’t here. So I guess I’m just going to have to die.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Jiang Cheng hissed, even as the junior disciples started urgently murmuring amongst themselves, sounding similar to a flock of pheasants that had just been disturbed. “You lived – and died, and lived again – through too much to die to a half-rate curse like this. You’re not going to die. Can’t you just break it?”

“It’s tied to his cultivation,” Lan Qiren said, voice deep and grave. He had been amongst the most worried at first, rushing over to check Wei Wuxian’s pulse and run diagnostics over the array circle that had inflicted the curse, exerting himself to the utmost to try to figure out what had happened; it had rather thoroughly undercut his reputation for hating Wei Wuxian bitterly as the unworthy pig that had dug up his family’s prized cabbage. Perhaps as consequence, he was now almost pointedly ignoring the current goings-on, seated some distance away with a cup of tea and every appearance that he planned not to care about the results. Just as clearly, however, he wasn’t actually not listening. “If he was as strong as he was in his first life, it might be possible. But with his current level of cultivation…it is impossible to break it from within, and it cannot be broken from without absent a fulfilling of the curse’s conditions.”

The disturbed murmurs among the juniors grew notably louder, and more severe.

“Then he can take care of it, surely?” Jiang Cheng asked. His eye had started twitching. “If the solution involves – ah – if it’s a matter of – of pleasure –”

“Jiang Cheng, really! Are you suggesting I go jerk off to feel better?” Wei Wuxian asked, as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he’d ever been. He offered an accompanying illustrative gesture, as if concerned that all around him might not know what he meant.

Lan Qiren closed his eyes and turned his head away, visibly grinding his teeth.

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng growled at Wei Wuxian, his cheeks having gone red with embarrassment. “Just – shut up! What’s wrong with the idea?!”

“Teacher Lan? Would you like to explain?”

Lan Qiren was still refusing to look at any of them, and even shifted slightly so that he was turned even further away from Wei Wuxian in particular.

“Well, for one thing, it wouldn’t work as a practical matter,” Wei Wuxian said, deciding to explain himself. “See, the amount of jerking off it would take for me to equal a single session with Lan Zhan would be just, you know, unbelievably enormous – even more enormous than Lan Zhan’s – mmmm!”

Lan Qiren had used the silencing spell on Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian waived his hands at the older man, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that was simultaneously obnoxious, obscene, and trying to convey as clearly as he could if you keep me quiet you’re going to have to be the one to answer the question, you know.

Lan Qiren, very bitterly and begrudgingly, removed the silencing spell.

“I was going to say his stamina, you know,” Wei Wuxian sniffed, although the shit-eating grin on his faces suggested he had been intending no such thing. “It’s well known throughout the cultivation world that Lan Zhan has remarkably stamina.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth. “Would you like to get to the point?”

“Fine, fine. Always in such a rush, Jiang Cheng – no wonder you never married! Some things are best taken slow…okay, okay, put Zidian away already! It’s like you think it’s your life on the line here, not mine!” Wei Wuxian laughed. No one else did. “Anyway, it’s quite simple. Using sexual pleasure in order to fulfil the fuck part of the curse has to involved at least two people in order to qualify as a curse breaking mechanism. It’s the same reason as before: the curse is attached to my cultivation, and it can only be broken from the inside, not the outside, only I’m not strong enough to do it myself. Dual cultivation is one of the few ways in which two cultivators can bring their spiritual energy close enough together that they would both be ‘inside’ the range of the curse’s prohibition, causing a disruption in the victim’s spiritual energy sufficient to disperse the prohibition and defeat the curse – thus, the ‘fuck-or-die’ nature of the fuck-or-die curse.” He beamed at everyone. “Educational, isn’t it?”

No one seemed especially impressed.

“Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said politely, after a short interval. “Please educate us. How would you break a – break this type of curse?”

“Silly question! It’s in the name: fuck or you die.”

Disturbed murmurs.

“And, again, I’m not fucking anyone who’s not Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian added cheerfully. “So don’t even ask. There is literally no one here that I would be willing to fuck.”

“So…you’re just planning on dying?” Jin Ling asked. He looked upset. He wasn’t the only one, either – any number of the juniors looked upset, and that was besides Jiang Cheng, whose eyes were starting to look glassy with tears of rage or possibly just unexpressed emotion. “That’s it? You’re just going to give up and die?”

“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t died before –”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng roared.

Wei Wuxian promptly held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. Sore spot, I know, I know…listen, it’s not that bad, okay?”

“What, because you’ve read up on all the cool new resurrection techniques?!”

“He’d better not have,” Lan Qiren muttered. “Not in the Cloud Recesses.”

“I swear I’ve only been in the Forbidden Section of the library for purely extracurricular purposes, and only when I’ve been very closely supervised by Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian told Lan Qiren virtuously, and just as virtuously ignored the scowl that immediately appeared on Lan Qiren’s face at what ‘supervision’ of ‘extracurricular’ activities his nephew might have been doing with Wei Wuxian in the library. “Jiang Cheng, you worry too much. Do I look worried?”

“That’s no guarantee that you know what you’re doing, Senior Wei,” Ouyang Zizhen pointed out. “Sometimes you’re just like that.”

“Ouch. You’re right, but, you know, ouch. Anyway, in this case, you should trust me. You��re all just thinking too hard.”

A lot of silence, and staring.

“Teacher Lan, work with me here. They’re thinking too much, right?”

Lan Qiren huffed, which was just about confirmation.

“…wait,” Lan Jingyi said. He looked suspicious. “Is that what this is? Have you been trying to get around the curse by fucking with us?”

“Jingyi!” Lan Qiren snapped, and Lan Jingyi jumped.

“Would a mind-fuck work?” Jin Ling asked his uncle, who scowled and shrugged, clearly unsure himself.

“It would not,” Lan Qiren said icily.

“Actually, the way I like to think of it,” Wei Wuxian said, grinning harder than ever, “is that it’s really just a matter of fuck around and find out –”

At this point, Lan Qiren huffed once more, got up, and walked over to Wei Wuxian in three long, purposeful strides. Lifting one finger, he jabbed it right at Wei Wuxian’s chest, over his heart.

“Fuck off.”

Wei Wuxian collapsed onto the ground.

A moment later, he blinked and sat up, grinning once more, and there was no longer the aura of curse hanging around him – even the remaining resentful energy was already dissipating.

“Such curses are exceedingly pedestrian,” Lan Qiren informed their audience, voice toneless as ever but a scowl firmly on his face. “‘Death’ is interpreted as the cessation of heartbeat, which temporarily disrupts the flow of spiritual energy in a manner similar to dual cultivation. A momentary freezing spell, aimed precisely, can simulate the effects, causing the victim of the curse to ‘die’ for the purposes of the curse – the disruption of spiritual energy is similar in nature to what happens during dual cultivation, just as Wei Wuxian described earlier, and there is therefore the same effect.”

“Thus, the ‘fuck or die’ aspects of the fuck-or-die curse,” Wei Wuxian said. He was beaming so hard it looked almost painful. “Teacher Lan, did you really tell me to fuck off?”

“It was richly deserved,” Lan Qiren informed him, and, with a flick of his sleeves, headed back towards the Cloud Recesses, his head held high. Presumably he was going to go punish himself for breaching the rule on vulgar language, and maybe the one about rage...again.

Wei Wuxian was so good.

“Thank you, Teacher Lan!” Wei Wuxian called after him. “You’re my favorite uncle-in-law..!”

He sniggered, then turned back to the juniors.

“See,” he said. “I told you that you were overthinking…”

He trailed off, presumably seeing something in Jiang Cheng’s expression.

“Uh,” Wei Wuxian said. “I would like to emphasize that at no point was I ever actually in danger of dying. That wasn’t going to happen. I was just playing around –”

“Pity,” Jiang Cheng said, and purple lightening started sparking around his hand. “Because I’m going to kill you –”