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jazzmasternot · 1 year ago

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Hazbin hotel college AU head cannons

Note: decided to write these out after reading @sprainedwriting’s fanfic about Adam being a frat boy and I took that concept and ran with it.

Obviously this is based off of my own university experience where I attend a really big public university in the southern US. so that’s where my takes are coming from.

This is also my first time writing anything on here so there’s that aswell.

Charlie

Majors in musical theatre, but not performance education. She wants to be the unhinged theatre teacher that everyone loves. Lives in one of those really fancy student apartment lofts with keke. And is part of the cat club where she feeds the cats on campus

Vaggie

She probably does something super hard like biomedical engineering (let’s go women in stem!) which takes up allot of her time already. Is also an RA for one of the dorms on campus which is good for her bc free housing and gets paid to do her homework at the front desk. Met Charlie in an English class and have been together ever since. When she’s not on call she’s spending the night at Charlie’s and Charlie’s almost always sitting at the front desk with vaggie even tho she doesn’t work or live at the dorm and no one says anything bc it’s just not that deep.

Alastor

Majors in audio engineering and runs the campus radio station that people definitely still listen too. He went to community college first then transferred to a four year (to save money ofc) and is a commuter where he still lives with his mom. Does work study where he works the front desk of the library where he does his homework and works on his scripts for his radio show. Has no interest in working with Vox since he runs the tv channel simply bc he doesn’t want all that extra work. Still takes his notes on pen and paper and still has a nightmare of a time figuring out to electronically submit all his assignments and take his tests.

Angel dust

Okay so hear me out he majors in math ikik it sounds crazy but every gay math major I’ve ever met acts just like Angel dust. Goes to raves and frat parties even tho the guys don’t want him there but he always brings girls with him so the kinda have to let him in. Does nude modeling for extra cash at the art school so he’s kinda a celeb over there even tho he’s not in anyway related to that major.

Husk

Majors in Restaurant and hotel management and is one of those college students that are in their late twenties so already has more life experience than most other ppl here so he doesn’t do allot of the stupid college that allot of other ppl do. Lives in some off campus apartment that’s just a large house rented out to students made to look like a apartment (yk the ones in talking abt) works at the dive bar located just off campus that everyone goes to atleast once in their four years.

Sir pentious

Majors in mechanical engineering or industrial design I can’t really decided. Definitely uses the 3D printer all the time and is on the robotics team, which wins every competition they go to.

Nifty

She’s changed her major so many times nobody knows anymore. Is part of the kpop club and has biases complete with intricately decorated covers, like she has so many photo cards. Also runs the campus hotties account where it’s just a bunch of candids of cute guys taken from far away. Will also get really pissed if you don’t wash your dishes bc it will attract bugs so if ur her roommate you better do the dam dishes.

Cherry bomb

Art major and is the one who got Angel the nude modeling gig. Is always pulling all nighters bc she kept postponing the assimgment till the last minute. Has probably vandalized a couple buildings surrounding the university but hasn’t been caught. Goes to raves and the aforementioned frat parties with Angel. Also has a traffic cone in her dorm room for no other reason than just bc.

Vox

Majors in multi media marketing, runs the campus tv and YouTube channel. Definitely the president of a frat that inflates his ego more than it already is. Always at sporting events at the front row with all the frat guys giving everyone the inside scoop and game commentary. Is very pissed that alastor won’t work with him. Treats himself like a campus celebrity even tho ppl could care less and are just trying to get their degree.

Valentino

majors in film and media productions yeah he’s one of those. Always asking if you’ve seen pulp fiction and telling you that you need to watch some random black and white movie that’s only in French. Will definitely invite you over to watch something with you but we all know that’s not the case. Also all his film projects has allot of unnecessary nudity and sex under the guise of artistic expression, even when it’s so not relevant to the plot. Unless it’s a film that he’s making for the university in which case Vox is controlling every aspect of it which in this case is a good thing. Smokes in his dorm room without a care in the world and has really loud inconsiderate sex at any random point in the 24 hour day cycle.

Velvette

Majors in public relations and runs the university’s Instagram account. She’s always walking up to ppl with a lil microphone to ask you to tell us what you’re wearing. Speaking off she always comes to class dressed up (like the international students) no leggings and tennis shoes for her. Also is definitely in a divine nine sorority, and runs their insta too.

Carmilla

She’s a professor for the aerospace engineering dept and shes here bc she got sick of making rockets for Lockheed Martin and reatheon. Hella smart and ppl are baffled that she chose to give up a seven figure job to teach a bunch of college kids but she’s so chill abt it tho.

Zestial

Definitely English lit professor, makes you read the books no one’s heard of and not the classics. Always brings his own open regular coffee mug from his house to sip his tea from instead of a thermos, everyone asks how he doesn’t spill it on his ride to work. Also just straight up has an electric kettle in his office so he can have tea whenever he wants. Takes turns with carmilla eating lunch in each other’s offices.

Rosie

Studies agriculture sciences and food processing. Will probably run a slaughter house when she’s done with her degree. Hangs out with Alastor in his radio booth from time to time just to gossip about whatever drama is going around lately. Wears long skirts and a tote bag all the time. Is always sweet to Charlie and Emily, also loathes Vox just as much as Alastor she just finds him annoying.

Lucifer

Is probably a religion professor that’s not religious at all and is super laid back in his class like one easy discussion board post a week. The kinda guy to be like “it’s so nice out let’s have class outside today guys” or “if I make this shot ur all getting extra credit on the quiz this week”.

Adam

Definitely majors in finance and is a frat boy. And his band plays at all the said frat parties. Is very insufferable to talk to at parties will try tell you how crypto is the currency of the future and how wolf of Wall Street is his favorite movie. Has a Saturdays are for the boys flag in his room and navy blue sheets. Oh did I mention he vapes he definitely vapes those Mike Tyson ones that taste awful and look like bricks yeah those. Always gets drunk at the tailgate way before the game is even started.

Lute

Yeah she’s in premed and wants everyone to know she’s better than you bc of it. Everyone else’s major is easy compared to hers so don’t you dare complain about all your assignments in her vicinity. She’s basically made it her whole identity like she’s in the premed honors society, future doctors of America. Types her notes on her laptop and then rewrites them with all her gel pens and fancy highlighters, like thee be so colorfull and pretty then the title would be something like blood clots. Still friends with Adam bc they went to the same highschool together and always helping him with his homework in turn he gets her into the tailgate tents and frat parties so she always gets free alcohol.

Emily

Majors in Elementary education and looks like it too, with the Stanley cup, James Avery charm bracelet, and all. She also takes super pretty notes but she does them in class which is super power all in itself, like her desk is scattered with gel pens and highlighters of every color and swears by her bullet journal. She also feeds the cats on campus with Charlie and runs the arts and crafts club on campus where they always host events like tote bag painting in the grass area of the university. Also doesn’t drink bc she’s not twenty one yet even tho she’s in college and definitely won’t smoke even tho most of the ppl that show up to her events are total potheads

Sera

She’s like the university president who doesn’t actually GAF abt the students and just fund’s athletics and raises tuition every year under miscellaneous fees. She tries to come off as supportive when she’s out in public but no one’s buying it.

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smalltownrobin · 10 months ago

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Guys I've figured out a totally simple way they could have fixed rovickie in s4 and it's to do with a deleted scene.

SO we are all aware of the teeny tiny insignificant plot Robin and Vickie (Vickie in particular) had in s4; Robin likes Vickie but she's nervous, sees Vickie has a bf, Vickie sees Robin and has an internal bi panic, Vickie dumps bf and has a little gay stare with Robin while making sandwiches, boom done. But what did Vickie having a boyfriend actually do for rovickie's plot?

Short answer: nothing. Literally nothing. Robin was sad, yeah, but she got over it SO quickly and just decided there was bigger shit to deal with, job done. Her crush having a bf didn't affect her state of mind or her reason to fight, it just made her sort her priorities a little (which, considering Vickie wasn't even mentioned after the start of episode 2, she already had her priorities sorted). It gave them a little awkward meeting at the relief centre, but ultimately it did nothing to actually get them together.

Now if you have not seen this yet, lemme show you an official unused dialogue between Robin and Vickie that would have taken place during 4x08 at war zone:

I made this transcript from somebody's leaked audition tape for Vickie (which was posted in 2021 and included the pb&j scene word for word, so it's legit). It's not long, but oh it gives us a lot, SO much more than a longing jealous stare. Robin being an awkward disaster, beautiful. Vickie actually giving an explanation as to why she was even there and what her situation has been since the Vecna murders started, brilliant. And to top it all off? Vickie telling Robin to STAY SAFE. JUST BEFORE SHE GOES TO BATTLE VECNA IN THE UPSIDE DOWN.

Do you see DO YOU SEE how much better this is? They actually speak to each other, we get an insight into what's going on with Vickie herself, and it ends so tragically poetic with Vickie not even knowing what danger Robin was about to head into. This exchange could have given Robin a new reason to go into this battle, knowing how it's directly affecting the safety of someone she really cares about. Vickie also would have been able to fully take in Robin's post-upside down appearance, seeing her buying gasoline and weapons and being worried that this girl she probably perceives as so sweet and harmless (see the line "especially not you") is resorting to violence and maybe even suspecting she's more involved than she's letting her believe.

In the audition tape the pb&j scene stays exactly the same, so Vickie does still have a boyfriend here. But I don't think we need him at all (she doesn't need to go from dating a boy to a girl to count as bisexual, you know?). Their meeting at the relief centre could have been them silently and awkwardly feeling glad that each other is okay, Vickie could have rambled about the state of the town and her family's supposed overreaction to everything, they still could have had their cute peanut butter on peanut butter gay stare moment!!

This also could have lead well into s5, with Vickie coming to terms with her bisexuality and the fact SHE LIKES ROBIN, as well as her wanting to become more involved and help out and understand wtf is going on. All of this lack of build up could have been fixed with one little exchange THAT THEY WROTE THEMSELVES and just decided not to use.

And yeah I wish Vickie was still in the rest of the season more (I still firmly believe Vickie should have been at the library when Robin and Nancy showed up) or at least brought up every so often, but this 'what if' is already miles better than what we actually got.

Well here's to hoping s5 isn't just a painful repeat of this or else I might do something drastic.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #robin buckley #vickie stranger things #give vickie a last name #rovickie #rockie #i don't trust those duffers with my girls #not after this

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firespirited · 1 year ago

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thought I might add a little to a question unanswered by the video essay: the why?

not as an excuse, not a full explanation either because there's still the matter of the Telos money.

but why does a man live, breath and eat for his channel/career without the passion for researching and learning?

I can tell you that he truly *did* devote his entire time and energy to producing videos and engaging with the commentariat as a full time job, though if the video scripts were copy paste. He probably feels like he's devoted his entire soul for years into this project and the copy paste was "just" to keep up with the youtube once a week upload demands.

IMHO, what we have is a bloke with crippling anxiety, loneliness and body dysmorphia with a pathological fear of rejection who attempted to build an online queer community that wouldn't ever let him down. As far i can can tell he barely left the house, didn't date and i started to wonder if he really had moved when he wasn't visiting any of Toronto's very gay friendly places or even some of the museums and libraries, wasn't making any local connexions even when people reached out. Instead, he spent his weekends chatting online (often on livestream) about gay media, business, youtube and film making.

I think he could have built that safe haven if he'd kept the day job, produced a fully credited video once a month which was in the format of let's watch this documentary, let's read this book, let's dive into a topic and read the various articles followed by his livestream chats. There is clearly an audience eager for it.

and that's where it gets uncomfortable, right? the lines blur between shyness + not wanting to be hurt vs not collaborating and not being part of other established groups. Canada not only has multiple gay filmmaking scenes, advocacy groups and even a whole bunch of Canadian queer youtubers. They don't have to all get along, because there's more than just the Canada based breadtube, there are a lot of smaller channels that'd love the opportunity to network.

Anyway, it was during a live that i bought up some local Canadian networking opportunity, he backed off quite hard in a way that felt like a little bit more than anxiety about the fierce competition that goes on for such stuff. It felt vaguely like Little Britain's "The Only Gay in the Village" but mostly I was reminded of folks in my life who decided to forge their own paths in charity work and activism, specifically the very dodgy intersection between missionary work and charity and charities that are about the joy of bringing fish to the hungry instead of helping the locals who know how to fish get the new motor for their boat. It's actually a really complex and nuanced conversation where sometimes the least colonialist choice is to hold your nose and work with the local catholic church - yeah I know, that level of complicated, here's some reading before I start on the importance of translating books to creoles being a better investment than teaching english to match an english curriculum and how relief work is often predatory business opportunities and how secularism is a tightrope balancing act and don't get me started.

It is possible to walk and chew gum and listen to music at the same time. We can talk about how plagiarism is bad, how the algorithm rewards it, how this guy is probably getting more ire than the right wing grifters also brought up, why left tube maybe feels a lil intimidating, why people build their own little digital or offline communes, how being an educator and being a thought leader get smooshed together in an attention economy that wants to create influencers with a parasocial engagement with folks that want personal guidance, sometimes stolen valour/plagiarism/fake cancer is for power and clout and sometimes it's a maladaptive response to a desperate loneliness I hope I never fully comprehend.

#saf #ramblings #james somerton #the point is not to dunk but to reflect

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depressedhatakekakashi · 11 months ago

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Does book shop keeper Gai own the store, or just work there?

Because on the one hand, him being just a dedicated employee to the bookshop, and coming up with ideas to help the shop keep going is delightful. Even if it is only temporary until he finishes college, and gets to work in his chosen field.

But sometimes the amount of freedom he had in the bookshop makes me think he's an owner or co-owner, or that he'll maybe inherit the shop when the real owner passes. Maybe his grandfather left it to him and let's him manage the thing, as he's getting too okd to do so, and Dai may have already passed (or is just not suited to being in a stationary job like a book keeper and is instead running off being a firltness instructor or something else.

I dunno, just curious if that store will one day be Gai's (and about his fanily I guess. It'd be cool if he and Dai had extended family XD)

so this is a bit of a long answer

At the beginning Gai is just a worker. He works part time, mondays, wendsydays and weekends. This is when he's in University working on getting his degree.

He has always been passionate about whatever work he's doing so there were always ideas running through his mind and he'd always bring them up to his boss.

Originally I think he worked with a manager who didn't care all that much so he didn't get to do a lot, but as time went on and that manager left Gai was given the position by the big boss because of his dedication.

he was still part time (unless school was out. then he had no issue working full time) but he did such a great job that the boss couldn't think of anyone else for the position.

Even though he had originally wanted to be a physical therapist, Gai quickly finds himself enjoying the job so much that he's not super pressed to change his field. he still gets his degree, but he also starts working on a degree in Library sciences because although it's a bookshop he thinks it could help a lot (it does)

then when Gai is graduating and really forced to make that choice between his original passione and the bookstore, neither of which he really wants to give up, the owner comes up to him with an offer. they want to retire, but they don't really want to sell the bookshop and they don't need to have the money from the sale. all they need is someone to take over the payments for their land (which if the bookshop is doing well can obviously be paid for with the sales) and really wants the bookstore to go to someone they know will take care of it

that someone, after a lot of thought, is Gai.

he asks Gai to think about it over the next month and get back to him, and Gai does. he even has some pretty long conversations with Kakashi (who in this AU studied to be a vet and at this point is just really starting his job)

Kakashi is fully supportive of the idea because he loves the bookstore and he knows Gai does too, but he also doesn't want Gai to give up on his other passion so they start planning things out.

the ultimate choice is that Gai will take over the bookshop alongside Kakashi, and they'll also both continue their other areas of work part time. a few years into taking over the bookshop (maybe ten) they actually get the opportunity to purchase the building next door and do. they make it into a vet clinic so Kakashi can always be nearby, and even make a little space in the back that connects the two buildings where people can sit and enjoy a book and some pets. Gai gets into conversations with another friend of theirs who owns a coffee shop (maybe Asuma and Kurenai) and when they get the opportunity to extend the bookshop they do and build a little coffee shop so people can get themselves a drink and sit outside.

it's...a big process but by the time they're in their fourties the vet clinic and bookshop are formed together (still seperated inside obv) and Kakashi's dogs get to sit outside and get pets from customers who want to interact with them (those that don't want to interact with the dogs don't have to worry. Kakashi has them trained really well to leave people alone if they make it clear they want to be left alone)

#Bookshop worker Gai au #Kakagai

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sleepyfoxbooks · 2 years ago

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Wicked

By Gregory Maguire

Hello again! This is going to cover the college years of Elphaba, her meeting Galinda and the insanity that ensures during her time at Shiz. Oh my God, this is a lot. There is so much to discuss in this part of the book. It feels like so much happens in this chapter and at the same time absolutely nothing at all. I’m trying really hard not to just summarize the whole thing so please bear with me. (I pretty much summarize the whole thing 😅)

⚠️Warning! Spoilers for the book and it’s musical counterpart! ⚠️

⚠️Content Warning! This story contains explicit language, mild violence, and racial issues! Read at your own risk!⚠️

Gillikin part 1

This chapter covers a lot of stuff in the span of 146 pages. I gonna try to skip the stuff I don’t have a whole lot to talk about. This chapter skips directly to Ms. Galinda on her way to Shiz University, which in the book is an all-girls school. On the train, she meets Dr. Dillamond, the Goat professor (love him). During this time we’ve learned The Wizard of Oz came to power via hostile takeover, and is rolling back the rights of Animals. Animals with a capital A refers to Animals with souls, and the ability to speak. Galinda is incredibly bitchy to the Doctor, strictly because he’s a Goat. Galinda is a shallow, classist, naïve girl that has no concern or care for anything outside of herself. No surprise there. She gets saddled with Elphaba as her roommate because her chaperone (named Ama Clutch) was late and couldn’t vouch for her. There is continued discussion of the rights of Animals and all. We are introduced to Boq, who is smitten with Glinda and attempts to get close to her with the aid of Elphaba (who finds the whole thing absolutely hilarious).

In comparison to the musical, Boq and Elphaba strike up this very interesting friendship. During the summer months the two build an unlikely friendship (along with a gay couple that I desperately want to see in the movie, but know I probably won’t) as they attempt to help Dr. Dillamond provide validity to his existence. Boq works in a library that is barred to Animals and women alike. Galinda goes to a summer lake house one of her friends own.

Moving on from the summer, Elphaba and Galinda are roomies again and for the start of their Sophomore year. Then, the worst, most terrible thing you could ever think of happens.

DOCTOR DILLAMOND IS MURDERED!!

I wanted to scream so bad when I read this scene. All the poor Goat wanted was rights and he was murdered! The murder is so gruesome and bloody! Like no one is gonna believe this is anything other than murder. And it gets worse! Ama Clutch saw the murder from Galinda’s and Elphaba’s room! The head mistress (Madam Morrible or Horrible Morrible which I agree with very much) had her servant do it! This bitch made Ama Clutch go insane to cover up the murder!

With their chaperone out of commission, Horrible Morrible has Elphaba’s old nanny (conveniently named Nanny) come up to Shiz to take over as chaperone to the two girls. She of course has to bring Nessarose with her as she is responsible for her. The thing about Nessarose is, she doesn’t have arms. She was born without arms, and struggles with balance and in turn walking. More can probably be said about this but I’m not exactly the person for that. Nessarose is much like her father, very religious. She is also the father’s favorite, so she’s very spoiled. Which honestly breaks the middle child stereotype (yes, they also have a younger brother named Shell, but he’s not important). Nessarose is described as stunningly beautiful, with her only flaw being said lack of arms.

Without a professor for the girl’s college, they connect the boys and girls college, letting them take classes together. This is where we are introduced to Fiyero.

Now Book Fiyero and Musical Fiyero are incredibly different. For starters, book Fiyero is explicitly a POC, and it is integral to his back story. Before I say anymore, I feel I must preface this with the fact that I’m very white, so I will not analyze these parts of his character as I am not equipped to do so. I ask any POC that feel comfortable in giving their insight on the character please do so. I’m gonna go through really quick and give all the information about Fiyero that is in the book but completely written out of the musical. I also should mention at lot of this reeks of “written by a white guy in the 90’s” so please approach this with caution.

Book Fiyero:

is married at the age of seven (he does reassure us that he hasn’t done the “marital duties”)

is often described as Ochre-skinned

has blue diamond tattoos all over his face and body

he is the crown prince of his tribe during his entrance

his clothes are described as strange and all other characters act like they’ve never seen a POC before.

Right now, Fiyero is a little more of a background character at this moment. He comes into class late and is attacked by a pair of sentient antlers (which my favorite gay couple saves him from). A side character, yet for some reason still friend to the rest of the main characters (named Alvaric) makes blatantly racist comments about Fiyero. Elphaba comes to his defense and that’s kinda it for now.

Now this class they share is run by a professor Nikidik, and this man is a menace to society (and not in a good way). This man kidnaps an orphaned baby lion, who is too young to speak, if it can. He plans to hit this baby lion with a mallet to see if it can feel pain (like what?!). Everyone freaks out (and rightfully so), and two girl students grab the lion off the table and run out of the classroom with the baby in their arms! (The cat distribution system at work!) And this man is so confused why they’re so upset. I imagine this professor’s face to be very punch-able.

After this Boq kinda gets over Glinda all on his own. Like, he still thinks she's pretty but, he doesn't see her as this unattainable goddess and more of a person he can call his friend. However, that interest has not moved to Nessarose. And on this same page, Nessarose gets the shoes. Yes, the red ruby shoes, that is the catalyst for the entirety of Wizard of OZ. So these shoes are a gift from their father. No gift for Elphaba though. I think there's enough people who break down this part of the story, and there's no time Ama Clutch is dying!

Glinda's original chaperone is dying. In the infirmary, surrounded by Glinda, and Elphaba, she has a moment of clarity. Confessing that she did see Madame Morrible's clock work servant (named Grommetik) kill the Doctor Dillamond. And with this horrifying revelation she just dies. Like fully dead. I remember this scene being absolutely mind boggling. Like these two college kids take this so death and murder witness moment so, well (or at least better than I would). Then we cut directly to Ama Clutch's funeral. And this is a "modest" funeral, which of course they mean to say cheap. And this is obviously acknowledged by Nanny of all people.

Ok but this next scene is actually kind important, narratively speaking. Morrible has a private chat with the three leading ladies (yes, she even makes Nanny leave the room). It's here that she:

Admits to commissioning the murder of Dr Dillamond (which I'm still mad about)

Admits to putting a spell on Clutch to drive her crazy after witnessing the murder.

Places a spell on the three girls right then and there. So they can't tell anyone what she just confessed to.

Confesses to be the shadow government in a way. She wants them to be the ruling hands after The Wizard is dead, or something like that. Big idea here is that she wants to put these girls in charge as they're all great at magic and should rule the world.

Morrible ends the spell and the girls kinda collapse. The spell immediately takes hold.

Final thoughts

I didn’t know where to put this in the overall review, but Imma tag it on at the end here. Just like in the musical I think Galinda changing her name after the death of Dr. Dillamond to be pretty shallow. I understand what the attempt was here, and it definitely comes off better here than in the musical. Glinda sees that she was a really shallow person and begins to understand the world outside of her own head and the privileges she comes from. It just feels like she flipped a switch instead of ever having any kind of character growth that the readers can see. What might’ve fixed this would be instead of Galinda spending her entire summer break with her snobbish friends, she goes back to the school early and helps Boq and Elphaba with their research. This would give Galinda the opportunity to experience more in the injustices of Animals. I can just see her asking “why can’t women go to the library? Not like I’d want to of course, but just the principle?” during one of the meet ups.

I don’t know if it’s just me but there are things about the way Elphaba is written that I read as autism-coded. I don’t know if anyone else had that reading, if you did, I would love to compare notes on the subject!

There's definitely a lot of sapphic undertones to the relationship with Glinda and Elphaba, but there's been discussions on that and maybe it'll get and entire separate post on it's own.

Overall this chapter really packed a punch with its content. I hope to do a full character analysis when I’m done the book. If I skipped anything you wanted me to talk about please let me know. I admit I’m rather nervous to keep reading. Coming off of Good Omens, I had really not expected a deep dystopian conversation about rights and the injustices of the systems that revoke them.

#books #books & libraries #book review #lgbt #lgbtqia+#bisexual #pansexual #writing #intersex #people of color #fiyero #elphaba #glinda #ariana grande #wicked #autism #my autism is showing #black coded characters #autism coded

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carimemeblog · 1 year ago

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Nick DiRamio Watches Hannah Montana Movie Pt 2

Gay Bitchlast, the name of my new mascara.

Thanks and you’re not actually not the dustiest, most broke-ass cowboy.

First of all, you only heard me sing about three words.

Not that I know how to build anything. I tried to take a shop class once, but they kept locking me out because I would harmonize with the buzz saw.

I know to be gentle with you because you’re still in the phase where you wear a junior prom gown to every appearance.

And to make that seem okay, Disney will add exactly two black people to this scene.

Anyway, back to your chicken dance.

________, no I didn’t. Stop making this up.

That’s all you’re getting out of me today.

If it’s anything other than this, I quit.

That developer who’s trying to build that mall is here to ruin the event.

I always get so distracted by how board child background actors look.

Look at these kids.

And we’re doing all this to save a meadow, not somebody’s life?

I’m having a hard time seeing what the stakes are here.

Well, we never saw that happen; so I guess it’s true.

Just quickly add a friendly hug to quickly appear as if you’ve resolved an unaddressed character flaw.

This type of real life arguing can only come from siblings or Disney co-stars who are pitted against each other using salary.

That’s very biblical; let me wash her feet with my hair.

The gay community after Brokeback Mountain came out.

That is both a weird way to comb your hair and a weird way to hold flowers while you’re doing it.

So, good luck on that date tonight, _________.

And things are getting really wacky.

Can we get some helmets for the ______ family please?

Yeah, it uh, it really goes there.

Can someone give _______ permission to exit the revolving door?

It’s not all about you.

Whaaaaaat, it still legally counts as music if we sell it on iTunes.

Why should I trust her? She photocopies crossword puzzles from the library magazine.

That’s right and I fucking stole it from her right before she died.

I’m sorry; I know I said I would let ______ sing. I just thought I could do a better job of it.

Oh my gosh, it’s that brown haired girl who taught us all those authentic hip hop moves.

He said yeeees serving them public deception.

Damn, she’s clutching that wig like it’s her last residual check.

Tell your dad he’s media scum.

It’s like all coming together.

If changing clothes is an option, I say let’s go ahead and do that because you look like you work at a barbecue restaurant at a theme park right now.

Just ignore it.

#sentence meme #sentence starters #rp meme #rp sentence starters #rp starter #hannah montana rp meme #disney rp meme #disney sentence meme

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eggman-is-fat-mkay · 2 years ago

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Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

firstly i think i am very sexy. i've been going to the gym a lot lately and it's paying off! my personal trainer says i need to eat more, and he's right, but i'm still making very respectable gains. i've been holding a plank (hands on floor, not elbows) for a little bit longer every night, just before i go to bed, for a few months now, and last night i set a new personal record of 25 minutes! i was cheating a little bit, shifting side to side and lifting one hand up to give my abs a break, and my form was more than a little sloppy, but still! 25 minutes straight!!!! (the secret is music, and wear loose clothing -- you overheat *super* fast) i've definitely got the six pack to show for it too. and as a certified gay dude and muscle enjoyer i gotta say it is a huge confidence boost to be low-key attracted to the guy i see in the mirror

second i'd say i am a pretty smart guy. most programmers are. i *love* being able to think of something, go "hey, i kinda wish that existed", and then just build it. and then... holy crap, that exists now. and i made it happen. and that's just such a cool feeling that i think everybody should get to experience.

if i don't tell anybody about my current project i'm gonna burst so here we go. i've been browsing a certain monosodium glutatmate related site lately that lets you upload images, put tags on them, and then search for them by their tags, and i've been somewhat disappointed with it. like most boorus, its search feature is quite limited -- you can specify the results have all of these tags, none of these tags, and one or more of these tags, but that's it. if you want to search for one of these two but not both, or one or more of these AND one or more of those, you're outta luck. i thought that was kinda disappointing. fortunately, i'm a programmer, and, as it turns out, this particular imageboard provides a full database dump containing the URL, rating, description, full list of tags, upvote/downvote/favorite count, image URL, etc., of every post on the site, all in one gigantic 3GB .csv file. practically begging me to make a better search function with it. it didn't take me long to whip up a script in rust that could parse that .csv file and, given a search string like "fluffy 1{ cat dog } 2-{ a b c }" (meaning "must be tagged fluffy, either cat OR dog but not both, and two or more of a, b, and c"), spit out a list of URLs of posts that matched. running the script on my laptop, it took about 12 seconds to search through the whole database, 30 if running on my phone. i also thought that was kinda disappointing and i could do better. so i started looking into ways to speed it up. i loaded the entire post database into RAM for faster access (my phone's 6GB of RAM was not thrilled about this, but it pulled through), i used the excellent rust library Rayon to search in parallel across all available CPU cores, i downloaded a second database dump from the site matching each tag name with its internal tag number (storing those instead of the names greatly reduced my RAM usage, not to mention integers are several times faster to search through than text strings), and i wrote a modified version of the search algorithm that took advantage of SIMD instructions to compare four integers at once on a single CPU core. all together, those improvements got my time for a single search down from 30 seconds to 1 second on my phone, and from 12 seconds to 50 milliseconds (that's a 20th of a second!) on my laptop. that's over a 200x improvement! isn't programming cool!!!! also the drag-race linear search algorithm i came up with for searching through the tags faster than a binary search was no doubt come up with long ago by someone much smarter than me, but i don't care i'm still proud of myself for having come up with it. i'm currently working on hooking that search algorithm up to a discord bot and in the process learning the intricacies of using postgresql to keep track of who's looking at what and what they want to see next. i'm learning a ton and it's super fun!

i'm no super-genius, don't get me wrong -- especially that SIMD part was mostly me throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what stuck -- but i definitely felt pretty cool after seeing the 10% performance improvement it got me :P

thirdly i can semi reliably get people to laugh. since i'm autistic this does not come naturally to me, but through many years of practice and a lotta misses i've figured out a system, there's three parts.

When someone asks a rhetorical question, answer it incorrectly. example

when someone else makes a joke, your job is to "yes, and". ex.: "eggman always likes sitting in the sun. like he's cold blooded. i bet he's a lizard." "it's true. zuckerberg's actually my cousin"

commit to the bit. pretend what you just said is true. what would that imply? zuckerberg's my cousin; i probably hang out with him a lot. is he normal for a lizard, and the rest of us are that good at pretending to be human, or is he weird even by our standards? what's lizardfolk physiology like? zuckerberg was acting really strangely in the 2018 facebook senate hearings -- he nearly blew our cover. hey, that's a joke right there. just keep these ideas going in your head and string them together with whatever you can think of. ex.: "zuckerberg's actually my cousin. he's a lot less awkward once the meat suit comes off. i don't know why he gets so nervous in front of humans. guess he's just camera shy. during the facebook senate hearings he was such a mess we had to spoon feed him lines through a transmitter in his fourth ear. i don't know how people didn't notice. swear that guy is gonna out us one day. don't know why they haven't given his meat suit to someone else yet. anyway i talked with him about the whole social media panopticon thing but he was kinda stubborn on that point." alternately: "is zuckerberg your cousin?" "no actually common misconception he's just about the only celebrity who isn't. the overlords keep trying to kill that rumor cause he's making us look bad. there was talk of installing a lizard as the head of facebook so we'd have control over social media but the higher-ups wouldn't sign off on it"

(i lied there's 4 parts) learn how to volley. "if zuck's your cousin, why don't you have a facebook account?" "zuck knows enough about me just being my cousin; i don't need him being able to look up all my browsing history and bring it up at family reunions." from here, if reaction is positive, you can run with the bit: "and you know he'd do it in the most well-meaning way too; he'd see me and immediately ask if i found those dildos i was searching for two weeks ago, and if not offer to help. bro has zero social awareness"

for skills i practiced in reddit comment sections, they translated to real life surprisingly well. of course, like anything, this takes practice. coming up with stuff like that on the fly did not come naturally to me at first, and unfortunately i can't really say for certain when or why that changed. i guess my advice would be hang around with people you think are good at making jokes, watch them, and try to figure out why what works, works, and when you think you've got something, try your hand with some friends. or you could take the autistic route of just saying something that wasn't intended to be funny, having people laugh, and laughing along with them while silently puzzling over why that was funny and how you can make a funny on purpose next time. something that's important to remember though is that if you can't think of anything, that's okay. jokes often make conversations more fun, but a lack of jokes does not often make them worse.

smart, handsome, and funny is a pretty good set, i gotta say. i'm not perfect -- no one is -- and i'm definitely not sure how many other people would agree with any of those three assessments of myself (my parents tell me i'm smart, but don't everyone's?), but i'm pretty happy with where i'm at life wise and the rate i'm progressing. you asked for five things i liked about myself; i'm a bit busy at the moment so i'll have to give you a rain check for the other two. but i will definitely be forwarding this ask to everyone i can think of who hasn't blocked me!

#be kind to yourself #positivity #most people have done something that's brag worthy #what's yours?#idc how tiny it is i wanna hear it #if you're reading this light my ask box up #whatever you're proud of yourself for

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meeedeee · 2 years ago

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Queer Liberation Library

"LET’S BUILD A GAY LIBRARY TOGETHER!

When they try to ban queer books from your local library’s shelves, we'll bring ‘em to your digital devices. Help us crowdfund 15k by July 7th so we can open a FULLY DIGITAL & FREE TO ACCESS LGBTQ+ LIBRARY that will serve entire US."

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queerliblib · 2 years ago

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THE LIBRARY IS OPEN, DARLING.

Go check out gay books! If you don’t have a membership, sign up! It’s here it’s here it’s here!!!

<3 <3 <3

#queer liberation library #queer books #queer libraries #lets build a gay library together!#qll #it’s happening!!

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relationshipreboot · 6 months ago

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Introduction A Shared Humanity LGBTQIA communities thrive on the essence of belonging—where families laugh together, children play freely, and friends gather without hesitation or fear. Yet for many individuals, these simple moments of connection can feel out of reach when they don't feel welcome or accepted. Whether it's a new student coming out at school, someone visiting a new neighborhood, or a parent struggling to be accepted by peers, these experiences remind us that community is not just about physical presence but emotional connection. In a world striving for inclusivity, building bridges to support LGBTQIA+ individuals is more crucial than ever. This article focuses on practical advice for fostering supportive communities tailored to diverse experiences and backgrounds. So let's dive in and learn how we can all play a part in creating a warmer, more welcoming world. Understanding the Core Issue: The Need for Support The Complexity of the LGBTQIA+ Experience Building bridges for LGBTQIA+ individuals involves more than mere acceptance; it encompasses a deep understanding of diverse identities. The acronym LGBTQIA+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, and Asexual, + added identities. Each of these identities carries unique struggles, whether related to societal stigma, familial rejection, or mental health challenges. Understanding these nuances is essential to frame our conversations around support. Layers of Discrimination and Barriers Many LGBTQIA+ individuals often face layers of discrimination based on more than their sexual orientation or gender identity. Intersectionality plays a crucial role; for instance, a Black transgender woman may face racism alongside transphobia. Communities must recognize these complexities and focus on tailored support systems that address the myriad challenges individuals encounter. The Role of Community in Acceptance Community is a double-edged sword—it can be a source of profound support or a site of frustration and alienation. According to studies, individuals from the LGBTQIA+ community who are part of supportive environments have lower rates of depression and higher levels of satisfaction in life. This research demonstrates that proactive measures to support these individuals lead to healthier, happier communities altogether. Practical Tips and Strategies: Creating a Welcoming Environment 1. Education is Key The journey toward building a supportive community begins with education. Host workshops that focus on understanding different gender identities and sexual orientations. Schools, workplaces, and community centers should invite speakers or organize panels featuring members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Example: Consider a local library that has begun holding monthly LGBTQIA+ info sessions. These events not only nurture understanding among community members but also empower LGBTQIA+ individuals by giving them a voice. 2. Advocate for Inclusive Policies Communities must advocate for policies that support LGBTQIA+ rights, such as non-discrimination laws and inclusive health care. Becoming involved in local politics or participating in advocacy groups can prompt change that benefits everyone. Example: When a city council adopts inclusive policies regarding housing and employment, they send a message that safety and dignity are non-negotiable for all residents, encouraging a broader acceptance across the community. 3. Create Safe Spaces Develop environments where LGBTQIA+ individuals feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment. This could be through support groups, community centers, or even designated “safe zones” in schools and workplaces. Example: A local café dedicated a corner as a “pride zone,” where LGBTQIA+ art hangs and community events take place. The owner reports that this small step not only increased their customer base but also created a space for connection and conversation. 4. Celebrate Diversity Communities should

actively celebrate LGBTQIA+ history and achievements through events, parades, and festivals. These gatherings can foster pride and encourage individuals to embrace their identities. Example: An annual pride festival in a mid-sized town saw extensive participation from allies and community groups, showcasing the rich tapestry of LGBTQIA+ culture. The event not only celebrated diversity but also raised funds for local charities supporting LGBTQIA+ youth. 5. Normalize Conversations About Identity Encourage open discussions about gender identity and sexual orientation among friends, family, and colleagues. Normalizing these conversations helps dismantle misconceptions and fosters a deeper understanding. Example: A high school implemented regular workshops, incorporating LGBTQIA+ dialogues into their counseling sessions. The impact transformed how students viewed one another, reducing bullying incidents and promoting camaraderie. Real-Life Examples: Relatable Anecdotes That Inspire The Power of Coming Together: Emily’s Story Emily, a bisexual high school senior, felt isolated after coming out. Her local youth center organized an LGBTQIA+ support group that changed everything. At her first meeting, Emily was amazed to find supportive friends sharing their stories. This newfound community became a safe haven where she could be herself. Eventually, she even shared her experience at a school assembly, inspiring fellow students to embrace their identities and support one another. Bridging Generational Gaps: The Family Dynamics of Mark Mark, a gay man in his mid-30s, recounts how difficult it was to come out to his conservative family. After much soul-searching, he decided to host a family dinner to facilitate open conversations. He invited his parents and siblings, equipping himself with articles and resources about LGBTQIA+ experiences. Through gradual discussions and shared experiences, his family began to understand Mark and his identity, leading to renewed and stronger family ties. Building Empathy: A Community’s Testimony In a small town, a local church decided to extend support to its LGBTQIA+ members. The pastor held workshops centered on empathy and understanding, fostering a safe space for discussions about faith and sexuality. Community members, even those who initially held differing views, found common ground in empathy. The church transformed into an inclusive environment, showcasing the profound impact empathy can have on bridging gaps. Overcoming Challenges: Navigating the Roadblocks 1. Addressing Prejudice and Fear One of the main challenges in supporting LGBTQIA+ individuals is navigating existing prejudice or fear in the community. It’s essential to approach these discussions with compassion rather than confrontation. Educating individuals about LGBTQIA+ experiences can reduce misunderstandings and promote tolerance. Solution: Encourage community leaders and educators to frame discussions around stereotypes and myths associated with LGBTQIA+ identities. Real-life stories can humanize abstract concepts, opening minds in an impactful way. 2. Engaging Tangible Support from Allies LGBTQIA+ individuals often feel alone, especially if allies remain silent. Engaging allies in your community can be transformative, but it requires encouragement and support. Make it easy for allies to take action. Solution: Provide ally training programs that educate individuals on how they can support the LGBTQIA+ community. Consider initiatives where allies can volunteer their time or resources to local LGBTQIA+ advocacy groups. 3. Maintaining Momentum in Efforts Building bridges requires continuous effort, not just one-time events or discussions. Events may fade from memory or interest may wane. Solution: Establish regular follow-up meetings and programs to keep conversations going. Create support networks where community members can learn and share ongoing efforts. For instance, a monthly community newsletter can highlight new developments and upcoming events.

Conclusion Hope for a United Future Building bridges to support LGBTQIA+ individuals is not just a timely initiative; it is a heartfelt commitment that each of us can make. With a shared understanding and willingness to listen, we can create warm, inclusive spaces where everyone feels valued, loved, and accepted. By emphasizing education, fostering open conversation, and embracing each person’s unique story, communities can begin to break down systemic barriers. The journey may contain its share of challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable—a society where every individual, regardless of identity, can thrive. As we lift each other in support, we help weave a vibrant tapestry of humanity that celebrates diversity rather than fearing it. Let’s commit to supporting LGBTQIA+ individuals in our communities, ensuring that everyone has the right to be who they are—together, we can build bridges for a brighter, more inclusive future.

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oliviahallwriting · 9 months ago

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Chapter 6

For Loftman students, Thanksgiving break was, realistically, only four days long. The day before was a holiday, sure, but most students spent it asleep, either in their dorms, on planes, or on their childhood beds.

However, this wasn’t the day before Thanksgiving, but Tuesday, the final day for midterms at Loftman. It was also, not coincidentally, the first time the energy drinks in the campus’s mini-marts were out of stock. Tom’s last midterm was due in a few hours, so he settled for a cold-brewed coffee at the nearest café and got to work, ignoring the stress in his gut.

Unlike his other midterms, this wasn’t an essay or multiple-choice test. It was more similar to an art project, in that he had to design a public park and then build a scale replica from balsa wood. He’d submitted the blueprints and measurements a few days earlier, and convinced the professor to give him a few more days to build the thing, until the architecture building closed for the pre-Thanksgiving cleaning crews at six. He’d been pleased with himself at the time—the extra days had ultimately been necessary for him to produce at least B-worthy essays for his composition class—but now the extension felt like a mistake. He had three hours to hot-glue the piece together and send it in. Two hours. One. Sweat dripped down Tom’s forehead as he held balsa wood in his left hand and between his lips. His right hand held the glue gun, now over-hot with use. The stick of glue was lost somewhere in the depths of the gun, surely almost depleted.

Tom produced a decent looking, though still drying and therefore structurally unsound, model. At 5:45, he left his dorm for the landscape-architecture hall. Eleven minutes later he put down the model next to the wall in front of his professor’s office door, next to three others. Each had a piece of paper next to it, covered with MLA-formatted text.

Shit, Tom thought, recalling a short and arguably too-easy-to-overlook passage from the assignment page. He’d forgotten to write a descriptive overview.

So, at 5:58, he ran into the architecture library on the second floor, logged onto the computer, ignored the glare from a library aide, typed a few paragraphs in what had to be a words-per-minute personal best, printed it out, and stuck it onto his model where a plastic willow tree met the base. A campus employee ushered him out of the building at 6:05. Tom smiled—he’d done it.

The entire week-long midterms process, and the days leading up to it, had been all-consuming, more urgent by leagues than the other two tasks that had been taking up his mental real estate.

The first task was to find Kiyana to get her opinion on the email he’d been sent, if only to prove it was a hoax.

The second task was more difficult. At some point he’d have to think about the confusing feelings he’d started to have towards Jun. It wasn’t like it was obvious, something Tom could say to himself, about himself, as a fact. But he wasn’t repressing anything, either, at least not to his knowledge. If he were gay that wouldn’t be hard to admit. Or bi, or…whatever that other one was. Pan? Something like that; there wasn’t much difference between how he viewed men and women. And it wasn’t like he needed to dwell on it; it was his own business, at any rate, business that would probably take introspection over hours or days. It sounded exhausting. Tom had done a month’s worth of thinking over the past few days, after all. He deserved to let go of his thoughts for a little while.

Unfortunately, the next few days wouldn’t be any easier, he thought, collapsed on his dorm bed. He still needed to pack for Thanksgiving break, while crashing from four different caffeinated drinks. Then he’d have to deal with his parents. And, worse, his sister, whom he was still on bad terms with. She hadn’t texted or called in weeks, and she held grudges like sponges held water; there was an incident in middle school involving a lizard that she still bothered him with.

What had even ticked her off? In all honesty Tom couldn’t remember. If it was from their earlier phone call, all he recalled was that he was trying to keep her on track in school, and not be too embarrassing. Well-meaning shit like that.

His bag was half-packed and the light was still on when Tom fell asleep.

When he woke up, it was to an aching head and a clawing stomach, vengeful from his forgotten meal the night before. Tom groaned and set out to finish packing; with any luck he could eat some chips on the train.

The train did indeed sell chips, and the ride passed quickly. Before long Tom stood in the living room of his parent’s house. They’d waited for him with shoulder-pats and hugs ready, except for Allessandra, who didn’t budge from her reclining chair. When Tom’s mom gave her a pointed look, she reluctantly stood and gave Tom a hug, swift and cold. His dad retreated into the other room, drawn to, most likely, some kind of sports game.

“Hi,” Allessandra said.

“Hey,” he replied.

A pause.

“What’s wrong?” Tom’s mom asked, looking between them. “It’s like you don’t know each other.”

Tom and Allessandra both chuckled, but there wasn’t much in it.

“Just tired,” Tom said. “I don’t know what her problem is.”

His sister scowled.

“If you say so, mijito,” his mom continued. “Don’t think I’m blind.”

“Mama,” Tom said. “You read too much into everything.” And then he noticed the way his mom tensed, and stammered a little “I mean,” “only sometimes,” and “I’m sorry, I take it back”.

It worked well enough, because, after a tense little second, his mom only shrugged, before gesturing to a seat next to the recliner. “I suppose you’ve had a hard last few days. Have a seat. We have coffee if you’d like. Soda, too. I know you aren’t one for tea, but we have plenty of that, too.”

“Oh, coffee, gracias,” Tom said. His mom stood up, but he spoke again before she left the room. “Have you heard from Grandma lately?”

His mom stilled in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. She turned back to face him.

“Your abuela? She’s holding on. The doctors are giving her eighty percent on the heart procedure.”

“Oh. Um, no,” Tom said. He felt a little guilty; he hadn’t kept up with his abuela’s condition. He’d never been that close to her. Both definitions: she lived a few countries south. “Dad’s mom. Grandma.”

“She’s fine. Coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Why? You know something I don’t?”

“She wasn’t there for a few classes I had a couple weeks ago, so I was kind of worried.”

“Aw, sweet. I’m sure she took a few days for herself.” His mom ruffled his hair before turning her attention to the coffee maker.

Tom walked into the living room, where his dad was, as he’d predicted, watching TV. A good, clean fútbol match, played between two of Colombia’s premier teams. His dad tended to alternate between watching South American and European divisional matches.

He watched alongside for a while. Sports wasn’t really his thing, but he felt obliged to spend at least a little time with his dad, and this was his father’s preferred way of holding conversation. No eye contact was required, and neither was the sentimentality that so often occurred when he spoke to his mom. There was also something to watch when the conversation lulled, which was often; his father tended towards silence most of the time, when he wasn’t trying to impress.

That said, Tom’s dad was the one to broach a new topic, one apart from the weaknesses of each team’s goalie formation.

“So, how is university?”

“Good,” Tom replied.

“Oh, that’s good.” His dad took a sip of Modelo. “Still in architecture?”

“Landscape architecture and design, yeah.” And then, to change the conversation, he brought up his father’s main non-television hobby, which was carving soccer players out of wood and selling them online. “You build anything lately?”

“Yeah, a few orders came in. They let me have fun with the poses, too.”

His mom walked in, cradling a coffee mug. Allessandra was behind her and took a seat on the other side of the couch, a few feet away from Tom.

“You can start working after school right away with landscape architecture, yes?” Tom’s mom asked, setting the coffee on a wooden side-table next to him.

“Yeah, sure,” Tom replied halfheartedly. His entire one class on the subject hadn’t clued him in on whether someone could, realistically, enter the field after four years.

“Do you like it?” His dad asked. “I didn’t think you were that technical.”

Tom nodded, but there was an annoying part of him that agreed with his father. He wasn’t sure why he’d gravitated to landscape architecture over everything else at Loftman. He didn’t particularly enjoy math or planning, and psychology was far more popular among otherwise-undeclared freshmen. But it wasn’t like he’d hated Larch: analyzing and touring public parks and gardens was relaxing. The drawing-based assignments, where he’d detail gardens and arboretums, cleared his head like nothing else, and had probably stopped him from going insane. The “architecture” part of it, where he’d had to do measurements and research materials’ costs versus strengths versus aesthetics, well, he could take or leave. But ithe boredom of it certainly made the whole major feel more professional. Otherwise he’d just be, what, doodling plants? Work wasn’t supposed to be fun.

“Sure he is,” his mom said. “He got it from you.”

Made sense enough. Tom’s parents worked for the same Sacramento-based company; his dad was in software development. There was a good chance that the company, and Tom’s family by extension, would move further south by the time he graduated.

“Is that even a good idea?” Allessandra said. “You have to, like, talk to people doing that.”

“Christ,” Tom muttered, and turned to glare at his sister. “Can you say what’s on your mind?”

“I just did, if you were listening,” Allessandra said. “You’re shit at talking to people.”

Tom’s parents didn’t say anything, but, from the little he was able to discern from his mom’s posture, her abstinence was difficult. Not that he was paying much attention; anger had come on him, hot and painful, made worse by his lack of a comeback. If only she’d have just hit him! He’d have shrugged it off as nothing, an action made out of anger, without reason. Her poise forced him to wonder if she was right.

Allessandra gave a victorious little smirk and changed the topic. “Anyway, lots of people change their majors. I hear it’s, like, most of them. Maybe that’ll be you, if it doesn’t pan out for, you know, any reason.”

“Ah, true,” Tom’s mom said, looking relieved. She’d been pacing, a balloon about to pop. Clearly she’d wanted to intervene. Though he resented his sister’s aggression, Tom respected that his mom hadn’t stopped it, and finally started to treat him and his sister like adults. He could never have a straightforward feud with his sister in high school; the stakes had been too high.

“Mama,” Tom said, “Do you not want me to study landscape architecture?”

“No,” she replied. HIs mom had always been direct, and didn’t like waiting.

His parents had met at an all-hands meeting at their company. His dad liked to retell the story of the day they’d met: she’d been the only one in the accounting department who’d looked like any fun at all, and had approached him only minutes after meeting him, and in front of the HR execs. One of the department heads had supposedly muttered something passive-aggressive about dating within the workplace.

His dad hadn’t ever described the exact wording his mom had used in her reply, but it must have been impressive, considering the HR department never pressed the issue. It definitely carried some expletives. His mom’s temper was cathartic, when she and Tom were on the same page. Not so much when she was insulting his choice of major.

“Why not?” Tom had to reply.

“I just don’t think you’d enjoy it,” his mom said. “Working for someone else. Be independent. Make your own hours.”

“I don’t know if you understand,” he said. “It’s not like I’m a gardener. I’d be, you know, using math and whatever to design rich people’s gardens and public parks.”

“I do know,” his mom said, in a huff. “You’d be working for millionaires, and city councils. Besides, your sister had a point.”

Tom took a sip of coffee. It was an angry drink, bitter and hot. He decided against saying anything, and stared into his drink.

His mom kept talking. For his part, Tom stayed put on the sofa. He even tried to listen, catching words, phrases, and the uncharacteristically tactful way his mom was speaking. Ultimately, it was a lot of bluster to say that she didn’t think her son was good company, and that he needed to be nicer to his sister, and to, well, most people he’d meet in the workplace.

Where had this whole diatribe even come from? Tom had assumed that his mom had started to leave him alone. And his sister, apparently. He hadn’t been mean to her since he’d arrived! Unless Allessandra had talked to her about him being, admittedly, a little mean on the phone to her. But that was weeks ago. At some point, Allessandra needed to let things go instead of escalating.

His mom wrapped up her statements and patted Tom’s shoulder. His sister had long since turned her attention towards watching the television. There was something classy about it, Tom thought. At least she wasn’t hounding him, like his mom.

“You show up for Thanksgiving, and this is how I speak to you,” she said, her voice soft. “I’m sorry for laying this on you right now, before you even finish your coffee. It’s been on my mind for a while.”

Tom nodded in reply, and she retreated to the kitchen. Allessandra didn’t say anything more on the topic, and seemed a little embarrassed that her comment was the trigger for such a conversational explosive.

He sat with her, and with his dad, for a little while. Eventually his mom started humming from the kitchen, one room over, a sign that she wouldn’t mind company. Tom moved to the kitchen and stayed there until the sun set, helping her prepare the turkey.

When he turned in for the night, it was in his old room. He’d only moved out of the space two months ago, but it felt small and unfamiliar, like he was already far too old for the place.

…

Tom neither loved nor hated Thanksgiving. Sure, it was one of only a few times a year he spent with his dad’s side of the family, and they were sometimes okay to hang out with. It was only fair his father had a holiday to himself and his siblings; it was hard not to notice how reclusive the man had become over the last few years. The annual week-long event that was New Year’s seemed like it aged him another year, despite the effort he spent searching for conversation topics. Tom hadn’t lied during his class discussion about how much his father had to learn to keep up with his mom’s brothers, but he hadn’t revealed how much his father resented doing it. So Thanksgiving was pleasant, if only that he got to unwind with his dad while stuffing himself with turkey. But it was also boring, especially when the alcohol wore off.

His aunt and uncle showed up before noon. Like usual, he offered them drinks and appetizers, and played some card games with his cousins, who’d started third and fifth grade that year. They were more fun to talk to than their parents, not that he’d say so out loud. The little dramas composing the core of an elementary-schooler’s life— recess crushes, mean teachers, homework assignments— tended to be more interesting than what his dad’s sibling’s discussed. Some years it was income tax, other years they lingered on the riveting topic of recent highway closures.

This year, it sounded like they were talking politics. Something about bathroom bills, which perked up his ears; Jun, at least, would have an opinion on them. After this round of canasta, he’d join them and give his own opinion, which wasn’t much beyond a vague gesture to let people do what they want, which felt like a reasonable take.

But, moments after Tom let his younger cousin win the round, the doorbell rang, and the adults’ conversation dropped.

From the kitchen, Tom’s mom called for him to answer the door. When he did, and faced his grandma, he let out an embarrassing sound of surprise. Then he chastised himself: obviously it’d be his grandma. He’d even been told she’d be coming.

“Oh, hi,” he said.

She ruffled his hair a little. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“It’s nice to see you,” he replied. “I’d started to miss you being on campus. Glad you answered Dr. Florence’s call, though. I was a little worried.”

She paused and looked at him blankly before taking a seat on the recliner. After another few seconds she huffed out a laugh.

“Yes, I took a few days off.”

Tom waited for more of an explanation, but she didn’t continue speaking, and instead stared at him. Her glassy-eyed gaze made Tom a little uncomfortable; something was off about her, and he couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Oh,” he said, eventually. “How was that?”

“It was nice.”

“Did you go anywhere? Do anything?”

“I spoke to some friends over the phone.” She didn’t speak for a few seconds, then perked up, apparently recalling the call she’d had with him. Weird; he’d brought that up only minutes earlier. “And you, too.”

“I remember.”

“What have you been up to?”

The way his grandma spoke reminded Tom of conversations—no, dialogues—he’d had with his parents after having a couple drinks at his friends’ house in high school. Though even when Tom was deliberately hiding information, he’d thought that his conversations were more personal than whatever this was.

“The usual, I guess. I heard a couple of your colleagues had tea with you last week. How was that?”

“Nosy thing, aren’t you?”

Tom’s smile faded. Being a little nosy, a little mean, when talking with his grandma was one of the reasons he liked her company. But he pressed on.

“Well, was it fun?”

“I didn’t have tea with anybody, young man. Why do you ask?”

What was he supposed to say? That there were a few too many odd events occurring around the science lounge lately? That Dr. Florence, despite being an arrogant bastard, had no reason to lie about having tea with her? Neither option felt like it had enough legs to bother mentioning. There was his email message, though even that was probably a weird phishing attempt from someone who forgot to include a call to action.

So he didn’t press the question, and mumbled an apology.

His parents walked into the room and greeted his grandma in a process that took several minutes. She’d brought a side dish for the Thanksgiving dinner, and, as a gift for the home, a container of loose-leaf tea. Tom took the opportunity to leave the front room and set both on the kitchen counter. He didn’t really want to keep talking to her. He returned to his cousins, who were happy to include him in their next round of card games.

It only took a few minutes before both Tom’s grandmother and his sister entered the room. Allessandra gestured for Tom to join their conversation, so he sighed and let his cousins finish their game. Apparently not wanting to get roped into dull adult chatter, both cousins immediately moved back to the front room to play. Tom looked at them enviously.

“What have you been up to?” his grandmother asked, looking towards Allessandra.

“Not much to say. My boyfriend and I are getting along, I guess. But he’s been distant lately. Lab work and all that.”

His grandma looked up, suddenly interested. “Tyler, if I’m correct? What field is he in?”

“Oh, huh, I didn’t think you knew about him. He's biochem.”

“What kind of lab work does he do?”

“A lot of it goes over my head, and I’ve forgotten the rest.”

“I’m sure you can remember,” his grandma said.

Tom noticed his sister shift in her seat a little. Fair enough, he supposed. There was an intensity to his grandmother that he hadn’t seen before. It was near-opposite the weirdly stagnant mood she’d been in when talking to him moments ago, and reminded him of Jun, at least, when he’d first met him. The guy had tempered a bit since then, Tom thought.

“No, I don’t think so,” Allessandra replied. She glanced at Tom, obviously willing him to step in. Whatever, he thought. Maybe he could get more information now, when his grandmother was more alert. Say something strange to get her to reveal information, like they sometimes did in detective shows. Break the meta or whatever.

“I, uh, kissed a girl at a party,” he said.

He wasn’t sure how he expected her to respond. ‘That’s not the kind of thing you announce to your grandmother’, maybe. Or something with the word ‘scoundrel’. Though, he realized with a frown, she’d eased up on the five-dollar words since she’d been his professor, and hadn’t used any during the last office hour.

“Okay,” she replied. “Enjoy the party. I have to take a phone call.”

She walked back through the house and closed the front door. The house’s alarm system chimed once.

Allessandra looked at him and clapped, slow and sarcastic. “Good job on landing the kiss. I knew you could do it.”

Tom rolled his eyes.

“Though I don’t know why you’d tell her. She’s, like, seventy-eight.”

“She’s acting weird, right? I wanted to throw her off, see what she’d do. And it worked! You don’t think ‘okay’ is a weird reaction?”

“Tom,” Allessandra said, visibly exasperated, “What are you talking about?”

“Well, she’s usually a little more, uh, animated, I guess. And you don’t think it was odd that she didn’t, I don’t know, chastise me or something? I thought all grandmothers were prudes regarding their grandchildren.”

“More than you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard.” Allessandra stared at him, challenging. Tom felt his face flush, more out of embarrassment than anger.

“What’s this about?”

“You don’t remember?”

Tom shook his head.

“Your comment over the phone a few weeks ago? You basically called me a slut.”

Tom didn’t reply for a bit. That did seem like something he would say; he must not have been paying attention at the time. A convincing part of him wanted to defend against the claim, but he let the offense through, let himself feel the guilt of it.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Allessandra said, and waited, apparently for more of an answer.

There was only so much groveling Tom would do, though. His sister wasn’t going to milk his apologetics for what they were worth.

“Is that not enough for you?” “Not really, no.”

“Then what?”

“You just implied that you believe what you said, but wish you’d said it nicer. I need you to realize that it’s common and normal to enjoy dating and that kind of thing.”

A moment of silence passed, unbearable enough that Tom forced a cough to break it.

“I need you to realize that that’s an odd thing for someone to say to her brother.”

“All you need to do is nod.”

“Fine,” Tom said, and nodded. He couldn’t look at her.

“Do you…do you not believe me?”

“Al, can we get back on topic? Please?”

Allessandra stared at him. Her anger from earlier seemed to have lessened a bit, replaced by a curious streak. “Sure.”

“What, um, were we talking about?”

“You were saying that Grandma was acting weird or something?”

“Oh, right.”

Allessandra sighed. Tom had the impression she was giving her analysis to him as thanks for his overly-personal apology. “I don’t know. Maybe she speaks differently when she’s, you know, professing. And no, I don’t think it was weird that she didn’t have a good reply to your random comment about some girl you made out with at a party.”

“We didn’t make out. And what about taking a call in the middle of a conversation? That’s kind of weird, right? What kinds of calls are important enough for an eighty-year-old?”

“Who cares?” Allessandra said, her earlier curiosity gone. She poked Tom in the chest to punctuate her statements. “You’re in everyone’s business. Maybe it was the school faculty. Maybe it was health insurance, or a doctor. Maybe one of her friends is dying. Maybe she was uncomfortable with your question and made up an excuse to leave. You scared her away one of the few times a year you get to see her!”

The poking hurt enough that Tom winced and took a step backwards. “Hey, I go to her office hours sometimes,” he said. “She doesn’t live that far from here, so you could go visit if you want. I hear you have a bit more free time than me.”

Allessandra left the room in a huff.

Tom realized, disappointed, that he still needed to show her the email. It wasn’t very convincing, but it was still more evidence than nothing, and now he had to wait until she calmed down. God, his cousins were easier to deal with.

His parents called the group to dinner. It was a lush spread of different, extravagant entrees. His mom was an excellent cook, and made it a point of pride to not repeat meals every year; her only sacrifice to tradition was the stipulation that turkey was an ingredient in at least one dish. This year, it was in a stew, which smelled incredible.

Tom’s grandmother came in from the garage. When she conversed with Tom’s parents over the meal, it was in the same, vaguely dazed way as earlier, but no one seemed to notice. Allessandra noticed that Tom was eavesdropping and glared at him from across the table.

After the meal, when the adults were chatting on couches in another room, Tom cornered his sister near the desserts.

“There’s another thing I forgot to mention,” he said.

Allessandra sighed but stayed put as he took out his phone and showed her the email. She scanned it for a few seconds.

“Is this why you’re so paranoid?” she scoffed.

“Yeah. Did you read it?”

She laughed incredulously. “I can’t believe you. What, did someone call and ask for your Social Security, too?”

“You know what? Never mind,” Tom replied, snatching his phone away from his sister. He felt a little absurd.

His grandma appeared at the doorway to the kitchen. “What’s going on here?”

“Grandma, check out this email Tom got a few weeks ago,” Allessandra said.

“It’s nothing,” Tom said quickly, fumbling with his phone in his haste to put it back in his pocket. “Just me being silly, some of the ol’ first-semester madness, you know.”

“I want to see it,” his grandma said, with a pointed look. Reluctantly, Tom showed his phone to her.

She took the phone from him, which seemed like fairly normal elder behavior, and held it no more than two inches from her face. An awkward few moments passed, and she held the phone down, making no move to give it back to Tom.

“But I’m here,” she said eventually.

“Yeah,” Tom said. “I guess it was a scam or something.”

“See? No need to freak out,” Allessandra chimed in. She left the room, calling out, as a closer, “Next time, be less gullible.”

Tom was alone with his grandmother.

“So, I guess I’ll take this back now,” he said, reaching forwards to retrieve his phone.

“Delete it,” she said.

Was it just him, or had she not blinked for several minutes?

“Why?”

She didn’t reply.

“Grandma, if it’s nothing, it shouldn’t matter.”

“I don’t want you worrying about it.”

“Oh. Okay, then, I will,” Tom said. He made no move to delete the message. It was odd that she hadn’t laughed, or even looked confused, reading the message. If it were a prank, she would’ve acted confused, or even angry, that someone was impersonating her.

“I have to see you do it,” his grandmother said.

Tom unconsciously took a step away from her. Something in her tone was inhuman, predatory.

“Grandson,” she continued. “Give me the phone.”

“It shouldn’t matter, if it’s a hoax,” Tom muttered, and then jumped backwards in shock as his grandmother, seventy-eight years old with brittle joints, barrelled towards him.

His startled jump worked well enough to avoid the tackle; his grandma hit the wall behind him. The impact shook the room and knocked over one of his parents’ framed Frida Kahlo prints.

Tom instinctively rushed over to where his grandma sat on the wall.

“God, I, uh, are you okay?” he asked. He put a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up sharply, apparently not dazed in the slightest from the impact, and tried to snatch Tom’s phone, which he still held in his hand. He flinched and moved away from her, before making a snap decision.

“See? I’m deleting it,” he said. He waved the phone in the air, surreptitiously holding two buttons on the sides to take a screenshot.

His grandma looked up at him, and at his phone, and got up off the floor. She bent her legs and tensed, reminding Tom, ridiculously, of the way a cat moves before it pounces.

Tom gestured to the screen and deleted the email.

His grandma immediately stood upright and brushed herself off.

“Well, that’s resolved, then,” she stated, sounding more like herself than she had all day.

Tom’s parents, sister, uncle, and aunt ran into the room.

“We heard a crash,” his mom said. “Everyone okay?”

“Ah, yes. I took a bit of a tumble,” his grandma replied. She looked at Tom with an unreadable expression. “Apologies for the commotion.”

The rest of them rushed to her, fretting and checking for injuries. Tom left the room to go to his old bedroom, where he locked the door. At this point he didn’t care if his relatives thought he was antisocial.

His sister knocked on the door at some point, but, when he didn’t answer, she left. No one else tried to interrupt him, and the day passed.

He spent most of the rest of the four-day weekend taking naps in his old bedroom; his thoughts caromed off of each other at night and kept him frustratingly conscious. He spent meals with his parents, who wondered why he’d become so standoffish, and watched a few sports games with his dad, who, thankfully, didn’t ask any questions.

Why would his grandmother care enough about that damn email to tackle him to delete it? If it were a hoax, it didn’t make any sense, other than that she was becoming senile.

If it weren’t, maybe he should go to the cops, despite the message’s explicit directive for him to not do that. Not that he especially wanted to, anyway; he wasn’t the least likely person to get treated badly by the police, especially if it was to all-but waste their time. They’d find something on him, a little underage drinking, or that one time in middle school he’d lifted a chocolate bar from a corner store.

He should probably just forget about the whole thing, chalk his grandma’s reaction and fading memory as a momentary freak-out. He could delete the screenshot he’d taken of the message and forget about the whole thing. Then he could focus on his studies, and Jun.

If only he believed it.

#novel #writing

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