#Marital rape

[mapsontheweb]

People who think marital rape (or relationship rape) should not be illegal.

[rvllybllply2014]

Not all men but somehow it’s all men. This woman’s husband took marital rape to a whole different level. So many fucking men, so many fucking opportunities to stop the madness yet not a single man did. Did they not view this poor Gisèle as a human? Was she just a “hole” for them? Why? If you don’t love someone leave, don’t abuse them and certainly don’t let others abuse them. I’m tempted to call all of those men who raped her monsters but I’m not, they’re rapers and I hope they get what they deserve. And for the poor abused Gisèle may you receive the justice you rightfully deserve and heal from this horrible trauma.

[thefisherqueen]

I was sorry for her, Watson. I thought of her for the moment as I would have thought of a daughter of my own. I am not often eloquent. I use my head, not my heart. But I really did plead with her with all the warmth of words that I could find in my nature. I pictured to her the awful position of the woman who only wakes to a man's character after she is his wife—a woman who has to submit to be caressed by bloody hands and lecherous lips. I spared her nothing—the shame, the fear, the agony, the hopelessness of it all. 

Holmes being so caring about this is so touching. Really remarkable amount of sympathy for the abused woman's fate for the time this was written. The 'has to submit' really caught my eye - I looked it up, and marital rape only was criminalised 32 years ago in the UK. Aljazeera wrote an article about the struggle for its criminalisation

[msfbgraves]

((Anyway, Terry is always haunted by the fact that he hurt his relationship with Daniel himself, on purpose,))

THAT’S JUST IT THOUGH! Did he actively seek to hurt Daniel from the start (that night), or after (the cheating). Because if so…that’s so very cruel and brutal, and also…what the hell was he thinking?? That sweet Danny boy would just accept that and forgive him and still run back into his arms all ready to be cuddled or something?? There’s fucking up, and then there’s Terry Silver’s level of Fucking Up. He is very lucky that Daniel has forgiven him for ALL his fuckups—he should get down on his knees and thank the Lord! So sorry you have to put up with this fool Daniel lmao 🤣 I AM glad it haunts Terry though. Hopefully until the day he dies!

(But yeah, love them together in this fic 💜)

I'm reopening a can of worms here but yes, Terry did mean to hurt Daniel, if it started by him wanting to hurt Michael.

Except he couldn't, he lost a confrontation with him, felt he'd lost face, so what's the nearest thing to Michael he has available to him? Daniel. Daniel whose loyalty he doubts. Daniel he can have sex with, always a bonus, because it makes him feel good and strong; but tonight, he's also angry with Michael, very lowkey angry and insecure about Daniel's very strong attachment to his roots - would Daniel even side with him if it came to it? And sure, he's not analysing this consciously when he comes home to him, it's simply a brutal mix of circumstances, but still - you can hurt someone while having sex with them, something which is very difficult to prove to boot so when the opportunity arises he simply does what he wants with Daniel because he wants to prop himself up and hurt the LaRussos and get his anger out at Daniel's 'lack of loyalty' without endangering Daniel's physical health. Because that would show. And because he still loves him but that's not what he chooses to act on. And he's choosing not to stop himself but simply let out all these simmering irrational resentments, because, well, he's the Alpha here, he makes the rules.

And he thinks he can win his omega back after because he deep down doesn't think his mate will be very hurt by this. Hurt enough to satisfy Terry's ego, but nothing he couldn't fix. And all of this errupts in like 20 angry seconds, and Terry's angry, horny ass feels he'll deal with the consequences after he gets his fix of happy and ego boosting chemicals.

And a nice deep sleep.

And it's brutal. It's meant to be really brutal. It's so brutal in fact that even Terry wakes up hungover from this. He was, maybe, lost in the act when it happened - but part of him picked up on what Daniel's puppies could also feel, and that is: "uhoh. I hurt him - much more than I meant to."

But then when Daniel won't let him apologise - won't let himself be kissed and cuddled and wined and dined and bought back, but takes the baby and leaves, only for Terry to have to deal with four distraught pups and a seething mother-in-law - he lets his anger win again. Because he wasn't truly sorry. Daniel was supposed to make him feel better about himself, and he's left him. That is Not Allowed. Danny doesn't get to reject Terry, in any verse.

Only when Terry then physically feels the difference between his darling and some "kitty" does something finally shut up his ego long enough to make him realise what he's done, the idiot.

These two nights have a very, very long shadow because Terry had to learn that he didn't conquer Daniel and a great marriage like this is simply his due. He has a good marriage because Daniel has put his entire soul into building it and he can stop doing that, actually. Also that Terry better pray Daniel loves his mate and his pups enough to keep Terry alive. Even Amanda was like: "I love my brother to death but even I lowkey agree you should have killed him over this." And Terry does learn, but terrible actions like these have more severe consequences than any apology can negate. And it will colour your marriage, it will change how you love each other. Because they love each other through this, but at the cost of Daniel's innocence and Terry's confidence as a mate. Part of Terry used to fear that Daniel wouldn't grow to love him. Now, he'll always have to fear that Daniel will stop. Which makes him an insanely devoted mate, but at the cost of his peace of mind.

Pray all he wants, not even God can fix this completely.

[rapeculturerealities]

Indian rape ruling says rape includes marital rape and extends abortion rights to 24 weeks | CNN

Marital rape was defined as rape in a landmark decision by India’s Supreme Court on Thursday.

The country’s top court also stated that all women, regardless of their marital status, have the right to an abortion up until 24 weeks, the Press Trust of India (PTI) news agency reported.

The statements were made as part of an interpretation of the 1971 Medical Termination of Pregnancy Act, which originally applied only to married women or in cases of rape or a threat to the mother’s life up until 20 weeks.

Thursday’s order stopped short of criminalizing forcible sex by a husband but said abortion would be allowed, as such cases would be considered as sexual assault.

“It is only by a legal fiction that … removes marital rape from the ambit of rape,” the order read.

“We would be remiss in not recognizing that intimate partner violence is a reality and can take the form of rape. The misconception that strangers are exclusively or almost exclusively responsible for sex- and gender-based violence is a deeply regrettable one. Sex- and gender-based violence (in all its forms) within the context of the family has long formed a part of the lived experiences of scores of women,” the order added.

[ayanna-tired]

[sapphic-sex-ed]

Is marital rape illegal in Russia? Which countries is it legal in?

I don't know Russian law, I'm afraid. This is a very big question as there are 195 recognized countries in the world (including Palestine), all with their own legal systems. Furthermore there are over 7000 languages spoken around the globe, and not every country has their laws available in English. Even if they did, legal text and legal praxis are different, and how a law is interpreted and enforced is entirely dependent on the country's legal system (they all function slightly differently even when they are similar, which they aren't always), as well as other governmental factors such as corruption. Something being illegal and something having legal repercussions are also two different things. It's illegal to jaywalk but even if a cop sees you it's highly unlikely you'll be in any type of legal trouble (although this also depends on other factors such as whether you are a visible minority, or the mood of that cop).

Basically, this is something you could write a thesis on and there still wouldn't be a clear-cut answer, and seeing as I'm in the middle of writing my own thesis at the moment (literally taking a break to scroll tumblr lmao) I don't really have the capacity to do that level of research.

But if any followers are doing degrees in sexology, law, or global studies this would make a great topic so feel free to steal it (and if you do, I'd love to read it once complete!).

-mod liz

[mapsontheweb]

Reported prevalence of marital rape around the world

[aifsaath]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, House of the Dragon (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Alicent Hightower/Viserys I Targaryen, Maegelle Targaryen & Alicent Hightower, Alicent Hightower & Aegon II Targaryen, Alicent Hightower & Helaena Targaryen, Alicent Hightower & Aemond "One-Eye" Targaryen Characters: Alicent Hightower, Maegelle Targaryen, Viserys I Targaryen, Aegon II Targaryen, Helaena Targaryen, Aemond "One-Eye" Targaryen Additional Tags: marital rape, Childhood Trauma, Alicent Has Every Reason To Snap Series: Part 2 of The Sky Is Always Red Above Valyria Summary:

“You are not even fifteen, Baela," said Aegon. "I can scarcely allow myself to think of you as a woman, not when I am terrified of the harm a man can do with carelessness.”

When the king demands, the queen must obey. A demand delivered softly is a demand still. Some memories remain branded in a child's mind forever.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

https://twitter.com/aeroboba/status/1600347088222445568?t=61HjmN-JXRLPj7am9Et_gg&s=19

This post is an entire can of worms. I think OP is a very kind and sweet person but genuinely believes the the Hadith does not call for marital rape. Muslims in the comments are debating this woman's right to refuse her husband and people are posting quotes. I honestly don't know how I'd approach this conversation without people like OP shutting down and saying that it's Islamophobia. Clearly there's a big issue in my country and Muslim countries when it comes to marital rape in both Hinduism and Islam. I know it is disgusting, appalling and a crime but I don't know how they don't see a direct connection between the religion and the entitlement of the husband in question

As you're already well aware, it 100% is in the Hadith.

But for others...

https://quranx.com/hadith/Bukhari/DarusSalam/Hadith-3237/

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.”

https://quranx.com/hadith/Muslim/Reference/Hadith-1436a

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) said:

When a woman spends the night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning.

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/Reference/Hadith-1436b

This hadith has been narrated through the same chain of transmitters (with a slight variation):

" He said: Until she comes back."

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/Reference/Hadith-1436c

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:

By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her.

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/Reference/Hadith-1436d

Abu Huraira (Allah he pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may, peace be upon him) as saying:

When a man invites his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he (the husband) spends the sight being angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.

https://quranx.com/hadith/Bukhari/DarusSalam/Hadith-5193/

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning.”

https://quranx.com/hadith/Bukhari/DarusSalam/Hadith-5194/

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “If a woman spends the night deserting her husband’s bed (does not sleep with him), then the angels send their curses on her till she comes back (to her husband).

The scholarship agrees that it is an obligation.

https://books.google.com/books?id=oxSVDwAAQBAJ&pg=PA64

"Those who disagree think that the husband's rape of his wife is too much to be categorized as a crime, and they reason that, in our culture, there is no term for a husband to rape his wife and there cannot be marital rape if the wife does not refuse the husband's wishes. Zakiyah Drajat, a psychologist and ustadzah, for example, argues:

In Islam, it is clear that the wife cannot refuse if the husband wants to be served spiritually. Supposedly, a woman is aware of her nature as a wife whose job is, among other things, to serve her husband. If you don't want to, then don't just get married." -- "Marital Rape; Sexual Violence against Wife"

[ Autotranslated by Google. ]

And of course, there's always...

https://quranx.com/4.34

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.

The only real argument against marital rape appears to be simply definition: marital rape does not occur in Islam, not because nobody does it, but because it is not recognized as a thing; you might as well be talking about leprechauns. He cannot be denied what Islam has declared is his by right, and even the angels side with him against her.

As far as it seems, "marital rape" in most Islamic traditions is like arresting someone for destroying their own car with a hammer. You can't arrest someone for smashing up their own stuff, because it's theirs. It's possible for another man to rape her, but it's not a crime against her, it's a crime against her husband for violating his property; comparable to the other man taking a hammer to the husband's car.

This might sound kind of familiar.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

As far as the Twitter post goes:

https://twitter.com/aeroboba/status/1600347088222445568

dear muslim women: do NOT marry men before asking them if they understand what marital rape is.

The problem is that there is no scriptural basis for what she's saying. She's applying her secular values and morality here, and ignoring or otherwise unaware of what her religion says. Islamically, she's talking gibberish.

She’s upset that people are pointing this out, but they’re not doing so without reason. She’s arguing that it’s not okay (and it’s not okay), while others are reiterating that Islam allows it (it does). But these are different points - her opinion vs Islamic doctrine - so she’s really just butting up against her own cognitive dissonance.

Don't forget, the nikah itself implies consent from silence.

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-9/Book-85/Hadith-79

Narrated `Aisha:

I asked the Prophet, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Should the women be asked for their consent to their marriage?" He said, "Yes." I said, "A virgin, if asked, feels shy and keeps quiet." He said, "Her silence means her consent."

https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/USC-MSA/Book-8/Hadith-3307

Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:

A woman who has been previously married (Thayyib) has more right to her person than her guardian. And a virgin should also be consulted, and her silence implies her consent.

As to how to handle this, you ignore the accusation of "Islamophobia" and you tell the truth. Take being called an "Islamophobe" as a given and set it aside. It's not an argument, it's just name-calling. It's trying to get you to be ashamed for some vague form of bigotry and shut you up, rather than dealing with the argument.

When someone calls you an "Islamophobe" or something, and you're not saying anything bigoted, what they're telling you is that they don't have a valid refutation. Personally, I've taught myself to interpret it as equivalent to "you're completely right and I concede the point and I have nothing left but childish name-calling to offer." I know they're not, and they never would, but it helps to simply interpret it along the lines of "well, you're a poopyhead." In a way, I regard the accusation almost as a point of pride. They're all out of bullets and now they're just throwing the empty gun at you.

You ignore the Ad Hominem, you quote the scripture and the scholarship. You ask them for their basis for their position, and you point out that they're ignoring Islamic law, not embracing it. And ask them to consider why the Islamic stance bothers them, and why they prefer to ignore Allah and adopt and promote the non-Islamic position.

To the extent that "Islamophobia" might exist, there's an argument here that it's the Twitter poster, not you. She's a Muslim who is vehemently opposed to the teachings and laws of Islam, and is promoting defying them and encouraging others to do the same. She, as much as anyone, seems to have a problem with Islam and its teachings.

I mean, as she should, of course, but it's intellectually dishonest and makes her a hypocrite. And Islamically, kafirah.

[estellaestella]

Something is very wrong in America...

[msfbgraves]

Terry has proved that he’s capable of cheating and of rape towards Daniel. Would Terry ever harm Daniel physically/be capable of domestic violence if he got angry or upset enough…maybe not even at Daniel, but to take out his anger on him like he did with Michael.

Last question: if Daniel knew years before what Terry would one day do to him, would he still want to marry him?

Terry is not a batterer. I think that he got hit, a lot, in "the life", maybe his Daddy threw his weight around sometimes (they had a good marriage, his parents, but Daddy may have thought an Alpha boy should be able to handle some physical punishment, and indeed all the mobsters he started working his way up for could be rough). One of the first things he tells his pups is "we don't hit people we love". Going by how Thomas Ian Griffith uses sex to intimidate when he plays villains more than outright manhandling, I felt it more likely he'd cross a line during sex than by attacking Daniel. Especially since Daniel has quite a lot of self-defense training, but would of course much sooner let his guard down making love. (I think that fight scene in Cobra Kai between them is out of character for him, and more fanservice).

Really if he were the slapping type you would have seen him do it by now in the story.

Also, and this is not meant to be a sympathy thing for Terry, he had a bad time doing it. Fuck you, Terry, of course, but even he didn't like how it made him feel. And Daniel has always known - if he does that again I will kill him. Maybe not during, but very soon after. Were this a normal marriage, it would have ended there.

But it's not, is it?

Had everyone known this for certain, there wouldn't have been a marriage, I can promise you. But now there were five pups involved. That changes things.

Daniel never wanted this marriage, but had you told him in year 2 of being mated he wouldn't have believed you.

Still, I know the trope of a mobster who would hurt anyone BUT you is really hot but I don't buy it. Sonny Corleone was a philanderer. Michael killed his brother, his brother in law and at least once assaulted Kay. Terry Silver we've all seen and even Terry McCain half forced his girlfriend back into a relationship with him by showing up, all 6'6 of volatile strength, and simply moving himself back in.

This marital rape, for me, is Terry Silver's version of what the whole Godfather 3 is about, a mobster crossing their own line. Rare enough as it is.

He won't do that again.

[aronarchy]

Marital Rape: New Research and Directions (February 2006)

A Brief Legal History of Marital Rape

Much of the scholarly attention that has been given to marital rape has emerged from the legal community. This has occurred because throughout the history of most societies, it has been acceptable for men to force their wives to have sex against their will. The traditional definition of rape in the United States most commonly was, “sexual intercourse by a man with a female not his wife without her consent.” As Finkelhor and Yllo (1985) have argued, this provided husbands with an exemption from prosecution for raping their wives—a “license to rape.” The foundation of this exemption can be traced back to statements made by Sir Matthew Hale, Chief Justice in 17th century England. Hale wrote, “But the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto the husband which she cannot retract.” This established the notion that once married, a woman does not have the right to refuse sex with her husband. This rationale remained largely unchallenged until the 1970’s when some members of the anti-rape movement argued for the elimination of the spousal exemption because it failed to provide equal protection from rape to all women.

On July 5, 1993, marital rape became a crime in all 50 states, under at least one section of the sexual offense codes. Laura X, of the National Clearinghouse on Marital and Date Rape, provides a State Law Chart on her website (http://ncmdr.org) which indicates the status of each state with regard to their marital rape exemptions. As of May, 2005, in 20 states, the District of Columbia, and on federal lands, there are no exemptions from rape prosecution granted to husbands. However, in 30 states, there are still some exemptions given to husbands from rape prosecution. In most of these 30 states, a husband is exempt when he does not have to use force because his wife is most vulnerable (e.g., she is mentally or physically impaired, unconscious, asleep, etc.) and is legally unable to consent. Because of the marital contract, a wife’s consent is assumed.

The existence of some spousal exemptions in the majority of states indicates that rape in marriage is still treated as a lesser crime than other forms of rape and is evidence of societal patriarchy. This perpetuates marital rape by conveying the message that such acts of aggression are somehow less reprehensible than other types of rape. Importantly, the existence of any spousal exemption indicates an acceptance of the archaic understanding that wives are the property of their husbands and that the marriage contract is still an entitlement to sex.

[unpackingexmo-blog]

Yes, marital rape is a thing.

I did not enjoy my honeymoon. I had never learned to say no to sex. My freeze and fawn responses were alive and well.

Admitting that that was rape has taken me years.

I experienced marital rape because I was raised as a Mormon girl.

I was taught that women have to earn the fidelity of a husband and OWE him sex.

She is responsible for fulfilling his sexual desires.

Bishops are known to BLAME WIVES for a husband's infidelity.

I was never taught to say no.

What else would you expect. Mormonism was founded by rapist men who practiced predatory polygamy.

To be clear: when I say I experienced marital rape, that does not mean my husband is a rapist. I  married him because I think he is very good about consent and I felt comfortable with him.

It was not his fault that I felt obligated to say yes to sex on our honeymoon.

I blame Mormon social pressure and cultural expectations about honeymoons for that. If I had not been brainwashed and groomed, I might have been able to clearly communicate the "no" I was feeling.