#Matt isn't great with strangers

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝟮𝟭

　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N plans a special 21st birthday dinner, but her friends don't show up, leaving her heartbroken. But Matt, while dining nearby, notices her and decides that making her company would be a good idea.

WARNING: None. (Strangers to lovers trope)

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

A/N²: I suck at writing "date" scenes, so I'm so sorry if this is rushed or bad ;(

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

The flickering candlelight on the restaurant table cast a soft, warm glow over the elegantly set table where Y/N sat, looking radiant in her pink, floral dress that hugged her figure perfectly. Her hair was styled in a glamorous way, and her makeup was done just right, accentuating her sparkling eyes and the excited smile playing on her lips. It had been years since she had celebrated her birthday properly, years since she had allowed herself to hope for a special day dedicated just to her. Today was different. Today, she was reclaiming her birthday.

The restaurant was a stunning venue, with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, casting a beautiful glow over the plush, velvet chairs, and mahogany tables. A grand piano sat in one corner, the pianist playing a soft, soothing melody that added to the sophisticated ambiance. Y/N had chosen this place specifically because it felt special. It felt like a place where beautiful memories could be made; and that's all she wanted, to be remembered.

On the table before her sat a gorgeous pink cake, adorned with delicate sugar flowers and a scattering of edible glitter that caught the light with every little flicker of the candles. Beside it, she had arranged goody bags filled with small, thoughtful gifts for each of her friends. She had taken great care in selecting each item, wanting her friends to feel appreciated and cherished, even on her special day. Her heart swelled with anticipation as she imagined their reactions.

The minutes ticked by, each one feeling like an eternity. She glanced towards the entrance every few seconds, her eyes lighting up every time the door opened, only to dim when she realized it wasn’t her friends. She felt her heart race every time someone walked by her table, only to look up and see only a stranger.

"Would you like to order something while you wait?" The waitress approached her table with a gentle smile, her eyes kind but laced with concern, her hands holding the tablet that lights up her face full of empathy. This was her fifth time there.

Y/N smiled and shook her head. Again.

"I’ll wait a little longer. They’ll be here soon, I’m sure of it."

The waitress nodded and retreated, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. She tried to stay positive, reminding herself that her friends might just be running late. LA was a busy city, after all, and traffic could be unpredictable. She busied herself by rearranging the goody bags and checking her phone for any messages or missed calls, but there were none.

Hours passed, and the restaurant began to fill up with other patrons, groups of friends and families laughing and chatting happily. Y/N’s smile began to waver, but she forced herself to keep it in place. She refused to let doubt creep in, to let herself believe that her friends wouldn’t come. They cared about her, didn’t they? They wouldn't just leave her alone... Right?

"Are you sure you don’t want to order something? Maybe just a drink?" The waitress returned, her expression a little more sympathetic this time, her eyes traveling from the cake to Y/N.

Y/N hesitated, her heart sinking a little.

"I’ll wait just a little longer." Shs replied, her voice barely above a whisper and full of guilty. She knew that she couldn't sit at one of the large tables for hours without consuming any food.

The soft melody of the piano continued to fill the elegant restaurant, creating an ambiance of tranquility that contrasted sharply with the turmoil inside Y/N. She kept glancing at the door, her hope dwindling with each passing minute.

As the reality set in, Y/N felt a lump rise in her throat, her eyes beginning to sting with unshed tears. Her friends weren’t coming. She was alone on her birthday, surrounded by strangers who seemed to be enjoying their own special moments. The weight of past traumas mingled with the fresh sting of rejection, making it harder to hold back her emotions. Her eyes scanned the room, feeling as though everyone was watching her, judging her for being so naive to think her friends cared.

At a table nearby, three brothers were enjoying their dinner, laughing and chatting animatedly.

Matt, the most perceptive of the triplets, caught sight of Y/N just as she wiped a tear from her cheek. It didn't go unnoticed by him since he arrived at the place, the loneliness of the pretty girl surrounded by a cake of flowers and small goodies. But now, her distress was palpable, her attempt to mask it with a forced smile only amplifying her pain. His heart clenched at the sight. His teeth captured his bottom lip in a gesture of nervousness and doubt before a sigh escaped through his nose.

Ignoring the conversation between his brothers, Nick and Chris, Matt focused entirely on Y/N. Despite her apparent beauty that caused small goosebumps to run down his arms every time his blue eyes found her figure, there was something more.

It was clear to Matt that she had envisioned this evening with a lot of love and anticipation, only to have her hopes dashed by the absence of people she, apparently, cared for. He noticed the way she tried to keep a brave face, smiling at the concerned waitress and politely declining to order.

Without a word, he stood up, causing his brothers to pause mid-sentence and watch him with confusion.

"Matt, where the hell are you going?" Chris called after him, but Matt didn’t respond, turning his back to his table and starting his steps.

He moved towards Y/N’s table with purpose, his eyes softening with empathy. As he approached, Y/N, lost in her sorrow, didn’t notice him until he gently pulled out the chair beside her. The sudden presence startled her, and she looked up with wide, tear-filled eyes widening at the sight of the prettiest boy she - probably - had ever seen.

"This seat isn't taken, is it?" He asked with the beginning of a smile on the corner of his lips, watching her closely.

"Oh, uhm..." Y/N looked around the completely empty table, frowning at the obvious answer to the meaningless question, before turning her eyes back to the boy. "No?"

"Right. I’m sorry to intrude." Matt said softly, his voice kind and soothing, settling down on the upholstered chair and resting his elbows on the pure wooden surface, his flaming blue eyes running over Y/N's features. "But I couldn’t help noticing that you seem upset. Are you alright?"

Y/N blinked in surprise, her initial instinct to brush him off, faltering under his genuine concern. She looked around again, still feeling the weight of judgmental eyes, but Matt’s calm, comforting presence made her feel a little less exposed.

The girl raised her hands, her fingers decorated with bright red nails and slightly trembling passed delicately over her cheeks and under her eyes, mentally begging that her makeup hadn't melted from the trapped tears.

"I-" She began, her voice trembling. She took a deep breath, shaking her head while lowering her arms, trying to steady herself. "I’m okay. It’s just… I was supposed to celebrate my birthday with friends, but… they didn’t show up." She laughed wryly at her own misfortune, lowering her eyes in shame.

Matt’s heart ached at her words. He could see the effort she had put into the evening, the beautiful cake, the goody bags. She had planned this with so much love and hope, only to be let down.

"I’m really sorry to hear that." He said sincerely, ignoring the firmness of his brothers' eyes on his back, probably confused. "It’s awful to be let down by the people you care about."

Y/N nodded, her tears threatening to spill over again, causing her to blink repeatedly in an attempt to expel them. She imitated his position, resting her elbows on the table and closing her hands in a sign of prayer, laying her left cheek above it, breathing deeply.

Her eyes found Matt again, taking in his warm, friendly eyes and genuine concern. It felt strange to open up to a stranger, but something about him made her feel safe.

"Thank you." She whispered, smiling brokenly. "It’s just… I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years. I thought this year would be different."

"Well, it still can be. How about I keep you company for a while? No one should be alone on their birthday." Matt smiled gently, observing her reactions closely.

Y/N hesitated, her eyes flicking towards Matt’s table where his - obviously - brothers were watching curiously, eating slowly while Matt's plate kept untouched. The idea of taking up his evening felt daunting, but the warmth in the pretty boy's eyes and his sincere offer made her feel a spark of hope.

"I don’t want to impose." She cleaned her throat, returning her eyes to him, laughing shyly, her voice soft.

"You wouldn’t be imposing at all." Matt assured her, shrugging slightly. "They can be alone for tonight, you know? I’d be honored to spend some time with you. Besides, it’s your birthday. You deserve some attention."

His words brought a small, genuine smile to Y/N’s face for the first time that evening. She felt a little of the heaviness lift from her heart, her cheeks heating up and her body feeling cozy and hugged.

"I don't even know you, I can't-"

"I'm Matt. Pleased to make your acquaintance." The brunette extended his right arm, his hand open and tilted to the side as a sign of greeting, a sarcastic look adorning his expression.

Y/N's eyes traveled from his open hand to his face and back again, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips slightly parted in surprise. He was stubborn.

A long, amused sigh escaped her red painted lips, giving up, extending her right hand, meeting his halfway, her fingers wrapping around his wrist.

"Pleased to meet you, kind sir. I am Y/N." She responded in an exaggeratedly polite tone, raising her nose in the air and closing her eyes in an attempt to look snobbish.

"Excuse me. Miss, would you like me to box the cake?" The waitress's voice echoed again gently, interrupting their moment. The woman stood a few feet away, her eyes traveling curiously between Y/N and Matt.

The two exchanged a quick glance before the girl looked up at the woman who had watched over her throughout the night, a light smile decorating her features.

"No, thank you. We'll eat it later." She replied, her heart warming at her own words as her eyes dropped to the beautifully decorated cake, knowing she wouldn't have to eat it alone. Not anymore.

"Actually, do you like pasta with shrimp sauce? They have the best one here." Matt's voice sounded before the waitress could leave again, his eyes meeting Y/N's, a gleam of excitement passing through the blue orbs.

"Oh, Matt, you don't have to, your plate is-" Y/N shook her head, pointing with her left hand at the table the boy sat at minutes before, ready to deny the suggestion before being interrupted.

"We'd like two pasta with shrimp sauce and your best wine, please." Matt ordered, a proud smile decorating his features, and his head tilted slightly upward so that his eyes could watch the waitress, who selected the opted meals on her tablet.

"Of course, I'll be back soon with your meals. Enjoy your date."

"Oh, it's not-" Y/N started, eyes widening slightly, interrupting her own sentence when she saw the waitress already walking away. Her eyes met Matt's for a few seconds before laughter escaped her lips, followed by the boy's.

Matt sighed, leaning in slightly, resting his armas above the wooden surface and tilting his face towards her, his big flaming blue orbs observing her as if she were a piece of the rarest jewel, focus entirely on her figure.

"So, tell me about yourself, Y/N. What do you enjoy doing?"

Y/N hesitated for a moment, then started talking.

They talked throug long hours, she told him about her hobbies, her favorite books and movies, the things that made her happiest. Matt listened intently, his eyes never leaving hers, his genuine interest making her feel valued and heard, his eyes lighting up with every word she spoke.

His questions were thoughtful, his comments encouraging, and slowly, Y/N felt herself relaxing, the earlier pain easing away.

In return, Matt shared stories about his own life, his career with his brothers, the things he was passionate about, the moments he went through after leaving Boston.

They laughed together, the conversation flowing naturally as if they had known each other for years.

As the evening wore on, Y/N realized that she was actually enjoying herself. The initial embarrassment and pain were replaced by a warm, comfortable feeling. She felt a connection with Matt that she hadn’t felt with anyone in a very long time, and surprisingly, she didn't feel scared.

When their plates were finally cleared away and their bellies full, Matt turned his attention to the beautiful pink cake sitting untouched on the table.

"That cake looks incredible." He commented briefly, his tone sounding like that of disinterest, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint. "It would be a shame not to light the candles and make a wish."

Y/N bit her lip, looking at the cake with a mix of longing and hesitation.

"I… I don’t really want to make a big deal out of it." She admitted. "I don’t want to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ or anything."

Matt nodded understandingly, looking at her attentive.

"That’s completely fine." He assured, smiling openly. "We don’t have to sing or to draw attention at all. But you should still make a wish and blow out the candles. It’s your birthday, and you deserve it."

After a moment’s hesitation, her eyes traveling to the pink cake to Matt and back again, Y/N nodded, her pearly teeth trapping her bottom lip in a light grip.

Matt called the waitress again, discreetly pointing to the cake, receiving an understanding nod from afar.

It wasn't long before a black lighter was in his hands and the cake right in front of them. He carefully lit the lighter, approaching the small and orange flame to the 21-shaped candles, the pink color accompanied by small diamonds shining below the warm light.

Matt placed the already turned off lighter on the table again, turning his attention back to the girl next to him, his eyes brimming with admiration.

"Happy birthday, Y/N." Matt murmured softly, shifting in his cushioned chair to be closer to her. Her delicate perfume wafted to him like a gentle breeze, filling his senses. "I hope all your wishes come true."

Y/N felt a warm sensation spread through her chest at his tender words. Her eyes locked onto his for long, lingering moments, like two planets colliding in a beautiful explosion, before she turned her gaze back to the cake. She closed her eyes slightly, summoning a wish from the deepest part of her heart. With a gentle breath, she blew out the candles, the small flames flickering and extinguishing with a soft puff.

Matt clapped softly, his smile wide and genuine, his eyes widening like the one of a child in front of their favorite candy.

"Well done!" He celebrated, his brunette hair falling slightly into his eyes as he beamed at her. "Now, let me cut this beautiful cake for a pretty girl."

By the end of the night, Y/N left the restaurant with a magical smile lighting up her face, feeling as though she were floating with each step she took on the night streets of LA. Matt, meanwhile, left with his ears full of playful complaints from Nick and Chris, which were drowned out by the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest. His hand carried a pink bag full of goodies, and unbeknownst to him, a small napkin with a phone number written in elegant script nestled among the treats.

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[surftrips]

nervous

pairing: jj maybank x reader

word count: 2.5k

summary: what happens when jj maybank develops a crush on the class valedictorian?

a/n: i haven’t written for jj in soo long so here’s this opposites attract oneshot for y’all. set before sarah and john b get together, it’s the pogue’s senior year of high school. lmk if you want more of this dynamic!

"You have a crush on Y/N? She's like the complete opposite of you..." Pope was saying to his best friend JJ.

"Dude, I know. But maybe that's why I like her so much." Maybank replied.

"What do you guys even have in common?"

"Uhhh... well. She likes to read and I- I can read. I just choose not to."

"We're off to a great start here," Pope said sarcastically, "What else?"

JJ thought for a second. "Oh! Her favorite color is green! I like green."

"Whose favorite color is green?" Kiara asked as she and John B. joined the rest of the Pogues at the lunch table.

"This girl JJ has a crush on," Pope explained.

"Ooooh, JJ has a crush? Who is it?" John B. nudged JJ's arm.

"I'm not telling you guys. You're gonna make fun of me," JJ refused.

"Oh, come on! Pope knows!" Kiara reasoned.

"Yeah, no keeping secrets from each other," John B. reminded them.

JJ sighed, "Fine. But only if y'all promise not to laugh or anything."

"Yeah, whatever, just tell us," Kie was dying to know.

"It's Y/N," JJ announced.

Silence. Then, all at once...

"Wait a minute..." from Kie.

"Y/N Y/L/N?" from John B.

and "That's what I'm saying!" from Pope.

"Guys, come on. You said you would be chill about it," JJ was starting to regret sharing his secret.

"Sorry, it's just... isn't she... like smart and responsible and stuff?" John B was saying.

"Literally... the opposite of you, JJ. No offense," Kiara added.

"None taken. But yeah, she is all those things, John B. That's why I like her. I think she would be good for me. Plus she's pretty," JJ replied.

"And you think you can pull her?" John B. asked.

"Come on, who can resist my charm?" JJ said, smiling.

—

For the past week, JJ had been working on a plan to get Y/N's attention. Which was hard considering the two ran in different circles and shared no classes.

So it must have been fate when JJ ran into her in the main office the following Monday. He was no stranger to the receptionist sitting at the desk, used to running late or being called into the principal's office for skipping class. It was for this reason that he almost missed the girl he had been dreaming about all week who happened to rush in right after him.

JJ wondered why a perfect straight-A student like her would be here, but the sounds of her trying to catch her breath and her frantic state answered his question. Little miss perfect was late, just like him.

He couldn't help but smile to himself, finally, they had something in common. Something he could work with.

But before he could turn around to spark up a conversation, the receptionist called him forward. "JJ, how many times has it been this month?"

"Uhhh.. I lost track after the fifth time," JJ shrugged.

"You know I'm only asking because I want to see you graduate, the disciplinary committee is not going to be as nice," she said.

"I know, I know miss. I'll be better next month."

"How about starting tomorrow? You're all set."

JJ turned around, trying to come up with an excuse to hang around the office, but he knew that he was already pushing his limits.

On his way out, he grinned at Y/N. “Fancy seeing you here,” and left before she could respond.

-

"Dude, you said what to her?" Pope asked, incredulous. It seemed like every conversation JJ had with his best friend these days elicited disbelief.

"Come on! That line is a classic, works every time."

"Name one time," Pope challenged him.

"Uhh that one time with Stacy, or Sasha, I forget what her name was."

"Yeah, great example."

"What's wrong with that line anyway?"

"It's less what's wrong with the line itself and more the situation in which you said it. You probably embarrassed her," Pope said matter-of-factly, chewing on his apple.

"What? How's that embarrassing? I'm clearly hitting on her."

"Because, she was late and probably already stressed out. Y/N is never late, and you just pointed out the obvious to her."

"Shit. I didn't think about it like that," JJ admitted.

"Think about what like what?" Kiara asked, coming over to their unspoken designated lunch room table with John B. JJ was starting to get deja vu.

"JJ saw Y/N this morning," Pope started to explain. "They were both late and checking in at the main office and on the way out he said, 'Fancy seeing you here.'"

Both Kiara and John B. winced. "Why would you say that man?" the latter asked.

JJ groaned. "I wasn't thinking okay! I didn't mean to embarrass or upset her or anything. You think she's mad at me?"

"I mean, you guys barely know each other. There's a chance she might have forgotten already," Kiara tried to reason.

"Somehow that's even worse," JJ said.

"It's alright, buddy. Better luck next time," JB tried to comfort him.

"If there even is a next time," JJ grumbled.

With his luck, there was a next time. This time JJ was in Y/N's territory.

When his teacher asked for a volunteer to run to Ms. Scheer's classroom, JJ's hand immediately shot up. He didn't care what the errand was, all that mattered was that Y/N would be in that room. He knew as much from watching her intently, but from a safe distance in the hallways.

He seemed to catch her attention the second he walked in. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Once again, he was wishing that the circumstances were more ideal. His usual charm seem to dissipate in the presence of teachers.

After handing Ms. Scheer the construction paper she needed, JJ turned to look at Y/N, settling for a wave this time.

To his relief, she softly smiled back at him. He rushed out of the classroom and quickly pulled out his phone to text the groupchat.

JJ himself could not believe it, that someone as beautiful, smart, and amazing as Y/N noticed him. That line has yet to fail me, he thought to himself.

Since it was the end of senior year, there was word of quite a few parties happening that weekend. However, JJ only cared about one. And that was whatever one Y/N decided to grace her presence with.

In order to find out this information, JJ employed Kie to ask around in her circle of kook friends if anyone happened to know where his recent infatuation would be.

It just so happened that John B. was also crushing on a certain kook during this time as well, Sarah Cameron. The two boys hoped that their respective crushes would be at the same place Friday night and waited anxiously by their phones the entire day for a text from Kie.

Click images to see full messages.

Still, JJ found himself looking in the mirror for longer than usual getting ready for Sarah's party. Even just the chance of seeing Y/N there was enough for him to go. Plus, John B needed a wing man because he knew Pope and Kie would just spend the whole time there together.

After taking one last look at his outfit: gray muscle tee, shorts, and his signature baseball cap, he headed out the front door and into Kiara's Jeep.

As they pulled up to the Tanny Hill mansion, JJ started to get a little nervous. Or excited. He wasn't sure which, the nerves and butterflies inside his stomach seemed to be dancing the tango.

Of course he had been to kook parties before, the kooks vs pogues thing had mostly died down by the time they got to high school, but he couldn't help but feel out of place amongst the drunk rich kids of Kildare.

"Are you coming or not?" Kiara asked, already out of her car.

She quickly rushed to meet up with Sarah and some other girls, Pope tagging along as JJ and John B. looked around in search of some liquid courage.

Kie had agreed to put in a good word for John B. after he practically begged her, so all he had to do was sit back and wait. However, JJ would have to be on edge for the next few hours, unsure if Y/N was going to show up or not.

"Dude, you should still have fun, regardless if she shows or not. It's our senior year!" Pope said to him later in the night, seeming more buzzed than usual. That's when JJ realized how sober he was, he was so anxious about Y/N's presence or lack of, that he was only on his second bottle of beer.

He pulled out his phone to check the time, not expecting to see 5 texts from Kiara.

Realizing that the last text was from one minute ago, he left the group of boys he was standing with and ran inside the mansion, making a beeline toward the kitchen.

He slowed down once he was close enough to hear Y/N's voice talking to Kie.

It's now or never, he thought. Entering the kitchen, his eyes immediately caught Y/N's and he swore he saw them light up. Noticing Y/N’s change in expression, Kiara turned around.

"Ah! Just the guy I was looking for!" she said.

"Uh, hey. What's up?" JJ said, trying his best to seem nonchalant.

"Y/N, this is JJ, the guy I was just telling you about."

"Oh, hey! I think I've seen you around," Y/N said, smiling at JJ. His heart melted. Was this real life?

"Kiara, Y/N and I go way back. Remember we were both late that one day?" JJ hoped that he wasn't bringing up a sensitive topic, Pope's words echoing in his mind.

"Oh my god, yeah! That was you!" Y/N responded.

He let out a sigh of relief, "Yeah, I hope I didn't catch you off guard or anything."

"Oh, no worries, it wasn't the first time I've been late."

"Good, I don't know why I thought I made you upset or something," JJ said, scratching his head.

"Why would you think that?"

"My friends, Pope and John B. They said that what I said was stupid and I could've embarrassed you."

"You told your friends about our 30-second interaction?" JJ could see her lips pulling into a smirk and his heart started to race. It was at this point that Kiara slowly began to back up, giving him a thumbs up and a grin when she was out of Y/N's eyesight.

"Well, I only tell them about the pretty girls."

"And how many have you told them about lately?" JJ knew what game she was playing and gladly played along.

"Just the one," he grinned.

"Good, I told my friends about you too," she admitted.

"Y-you did?"

"Yeah, I mean I didn't think much of the day in the office honestly, but after you came into Ms. Scheer's and waved at me, I felt like there was something more going on."

"Well, you would be right."

"I usually am," she said, shrugging.

"What else did you tell your friends?"

"Hmmmm..." she pretended to think, tapping your index finger to her chin. "I told them that there was this super cute guy stalking me and asking around about what party I was going to."

The boy could feel his face growing hot, unsure if it was from her calling him cute or the fact that she knew he was asking about her.

"Aww, no reason to be embarrassed. Guys ask about me all the time," she said.

JJ balked, unsure how to respond to Y/N's candor. She was entirely different from how he imagined her, even better somehow.

"I'm kidding," she laughed. "The truth is most guys are too intimidated by me to even try anymore."

"What? Really?" Sure, Y/N could be perceived as intimidating because of all her accomplishments and positions, but for JJ, that just made her more attractive. He wasn't sure how any single guy on the island could refrain from being pulled in by Y/N's magnetic pull.

"Yeah," she took another sip out of her red solo cup. "But it's whatever, half of the guys on this island are assholes."

"Cheers to that?" he lifted up his half-drunken beer to her cup.

"Haha, cheers to that Maybank," she smiled, downing the rest of her drink. "Wanna get out of here?"

"I was wondering when you were going to say that," he grinned, following her to the backyard.

She led him past the pool where people were throwing each other in, careful to avoid getting splashed, to the edge of the premises where a rock wall surrounded the lawn.

Y/N easily climbed up, taking a seat at the top, JJ following suit.

"I've never been up here before," he said.

"It's kinda like my hiding spot, consider yourself lucky I’m showing it to you."

"Oh, trust me, I do."

"Stop," she gently pushed JJ away. "You cannot possibly like me that much." Though she said it in a joking manner, he could tell that a part of her meant it.

"Oh yeah? Try me," JJ said, desperate to prove himself.

"Okay, name 5 things you like about me. Non-physical things."

"Easy. You're smart. You're ambitious. I like it when you get competitive like at Pep Rally and football games, and I like your sense of humor. Also, your smile."

"Hey! I said non-physical things."

"Yeah, but you don't just smile for anyone. That's what I like about you. Every time you smile, it feels special. Like you meant it for that one person only."

Y/N was blushing now, "You're kidding me."

"Nope, I'm being 100% serious right now. Look, Y/N, in case you haven't noticed, I really, really like you, and even though I just named five things about you, I want to get to know you more." JJ reached out to grab Y/N's hands.

"JJ, you're shaking."

"Shit. Sorry, I just get a little bit nervous around you. I'm usually not like this." Y/N had him acting like he had never done this before, and though he had been with plenty of girls, he had never felt this strongly about them before.

"It's okay," she smiled. JJ thought he would never get sick of seeing that. "I like you too."

"Really?"

"No, I just smile at everyone like this," she laughed.

"So what do you say? You and me on a proper date?"

"Hmmm, where would you take me?"

"Anywhere you want, as long as it's not on school grounds or a fundraiser."

"JJ!" she playfully swatted at him, unable to control her grinning from ear to ear. In the process, JJ was finally able to grasp on her hand and pulled her closer to him.

"Still need verbal confirmation, pretty girl. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal," she whispered, close enough to JJ that only he could hear.

[starvity]

— ☆ first date with zb1

gn!reader x zb1 (ot9)

genre: fluff, drabble // warnings: obvious flirting, some ftl going on, food, fireworks, proximity?, hanbin's tattoos and ricky's hands gulp

author’s note: this took way too long to write?! enjoy!! :] (★ω★)/ [requested♡]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ jiwoong - go camping

your first date with jiwoong is crucial for him. he thinks that if he doesn't show how great of a husband he can be today, he'll never have you (you are already so in love with him but anyways). so he drives you to the camping site, helps you set the table, the chairs and well, he gave up on the tent but that's okay! the sun is shining and you're having a great time. when he starts grilling he'll ask you to sit next to him and "act all pretty for him" (spoiler: it's because he wants to feed you while he cooks). woong would have the sweetest smile on his face as you compliment his cooking and he loves how you look as the sun starts to set. he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear so it doesn't get in your food and you bet that it took him a lot of self-control at this moment to not kiss you.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ zhang hao - ride a bicycle and visit a lp store

the day was already perfect: the weather in autumn had just the right amount of gloominess with the tiniest hint of sunshine and it was your first date with hao. you rented a bicycle for a few hours to ride along the river and it was such a breath of fresh air in both of your lives. you had your arms shyly wrapped around a blushing hao's waist as you admire the city lights reflect on the water. a few strangers walking by had complimented how good you both look together and hao laughs wholeheartedly, looking back at you with love in his eyes. when it started to get a little dark and cold outside, you guys found shelter in a lp store. you were looking through the vinyl's as hao sometimes calls out to you to show a piece of classic music he had learned to play on his violin. at the end of the day, you decide to pick one to gift to each other. and the next day, he sends you his entire detailed analysis on the songs you picked with his ranking :')

ੈ✩‧₊˚ hanbin - take a dancing class

you can't help but think that taking a dance class together probably isn't the best idea for a first date. you'll have to be focused listening to the teacher, all sweaty, and you wonder if you'll even be able to talk to hanbin at all. but he looked so excited when he suggested it so of course you showed up. the room was surprisingly quiet, apart from the music playing, as you step in. you make eye contact through the mirror with hanbin. his towel was hanging on his shoulder and he flashes you a smile as he hurriedly reaches for his phone to turn off the music. he was wearing a sleeveless shirt, his two tattoos on display and you gulp as he approches you. oh so he's the teacher. and well you discovered that you were having much more fun than you expected as hanbin guides you through the choreography. your focused state didn't last for long when he got behind you, slightly putting his hand on your waist and his other just under your neck to fix your posture. and from this moment you knew that you were definitely going to sign up for his next classes.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ matthew - have fun at the local fair

i don't know if it's from the cliché american romcom vibes but i can totally picture your first date with matt being at a fair. it was cheesy and you both knew it. how he tried so hard to win you a doll, how he fed you the cotton candy, how you scooted closer to him during the ride and how you wiped the flour from the churros off his nose. but can i blame you for being so giddy holding hands while walking through the crowd? (i cannot, you guys are cute...). matthew had allowed you to hold onto his arm if you ended up getting startled in the haunted house. but as you expected, he was the one getting scared, pushing you towards the exit with his eyes closing and screaming incoherent sentences. of course you ended the day by watching the fireworks and he could not stop admiring how your eyes sparkled watching the show. he safely drops you off and you give him a hug and a peck on the cheek to thank him for the day. the thought kept replaying in his head as he was trying to fall asleep.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ taerae - go to the arcade

taerae likes to laugh and you like to hear him laugh. you two have been friends for quite a long time so you feel close and comfortable enough to joke around and show your true self. you two decided to meet at the arcade you usually go to make it as casual as possible. however, taerae wasn't able to hide his nervousness as it was your first hangout as "a bit more than friends". as always, you would spend all your money on the car games, always betting on buying food or winning plushies for who looses the race. after spending what seemed like an hour on the same machine and making all the other people annoyed, you suggest to finally try another game. taerae then taps the seat behind him on the motorbike with a soft blush on his cheeks, slightly hidden by the glasses he was wearing. you hop on, attaching your arms around his waist shyly. you can barely see his face from behind apart from his dimple very apparent and you wonder if he's smiling as much as you are. "hold on tight!" taerae screams as he starts the race and you laugh, your blushing face pressing against his neck.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ricky - make pottery

it all started when you, one day, complimented how dainty and pretty ricky's hands are and now he doesn't miss a chance to show them off. he spends more time filing them and spends extra money on hand creams and even more money on taking a pottery lesson with you. you admire silently how he removes his watch with one hand and twist his rings off his fingers. he chuckles, as he rolls up the sleeves of his white shirt "like what you see?", he teases. you giggle, not being able to argue with his nor to lie. the lesson, starts well! for ricky at least, who quickly catch up on how the whole process of making his bowl works. you sigh, your hands full of mud and your cup who looks... nothing like a cup. you suddenly feel a pair of hands cupping the back of yours. "it's because you're not delicate enough" ricky whispers in your ear (oh he knows what he's doing) and you nod nervously, feeling his hands slightly intertwine with yours to shape the material and his arms enveloping yours.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gyuvin - do a picnic

you always tell gyuvin that you only spend time with him to see his dog to hide the fact that you just want to see him all the time because YOU LIKE HIM. every sunday morning, you two walk eumppappa together, sometimes holding hands when it gets cold because that's what friends do, right? you can't count how many times your friends have gotten frustrated with you not confessing to him, claiming that he obviously feels the same way. you had decided the day before to do a picnic after your walk to enjoy the nice weather. "i cut up some mango too!" you announce excitedly as you set the different plates on the checkered blanket. gyuvin gasps dramatically, grabbing a piece of mango with his fork but you notice how he doesn't take the bite immediately. instead, his eyes flick from the fruit to your mouth before he places the piece between his lips. you laugh, watching how his eyes sparkle, anticipating your next move. you finally lean in, taking a bit of mango and feeling your upper lip slightly brush against his.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gunwook - visit the aquarium

you had been nervously waiting for this day all weekend after gunwook had asked you on a date after school on friday. you two met up at the newly opened aquarium with some nice outfits since you both insisted to take some cute pictures there. after taking turns snapping pictures of each other, you set your phone on a bench, the camera turned to gunwook and you who were standing in front of the big tank. "that one looks like you!" you laugh, obviously pointing at what could be the ugliest fish. "and i was about to say you looked like that pretty jellyfish" he chuckles. your eyes light up, admiring the mysterious creature under the lights that make the water look so blue and magical. after a few minutes, you get off your cloud when you realise gunwook has gone silent and turn around to catch him staring at you with soft eyes. "sorry, you looked pretty" he says 5 seconds before throwing an arm around your shoulders and pulling your face closer to his chest so you don't see him now blushing. "woah i was cringe like that?" gunwook laughs as you two rewatch the video in bed for the nth time, 4 months after that first date. "but see, your flirting kinda worked" you giggle, hugging the penguin plushie he ended up buying you that day.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yujin - play at a board game café

yujin pants, dropping the heavy pile of board games in front of you. "do you really think we'll have time to play all that?", you laugh, fanning his face with your hand. "you choose" he says, spreading the different boxes on the table. you ended up trying different activities and laughing so hard the entire afternoon. the atmosphere was light and you didn't feel awkward at all around yujin, probably because you didn't really consider this a date. your friends were trying to get you two together but you kept on telling them that you were okay with staying best friends (despite the romantic tension happening between the boy and you sometimes). that was until the waiter brought you the milkshake you had ordered. there were, in fact, two straws. you thank them shyly as yujin is still rambling about his strategy to win this round. you take a sip of your beverage, lowering your gaze and nervously fidgeting. suddenly, yujin almost closes the gap between you to take a sip too. "how dare you take from MY drink without asking?" you teasingly kick his leg with your foot and he winces between giggles. let's stay that this proximity made you both question a lot of things about your friendship.

[blindbatalex]

bruins hrpf recs from the server #5

Hello again! The theme for this week was ✨ a fic that broke your heart ✨ Below are our recs:

rec lists so far: || week 4 || week 3 || week 2 || week 1 ||

A (Little) Slice of Heaven by Anonymous || willypasta || 11,541 words || reccer's notes: this fic rewired my brain. I read it months and months and months ago and I have yet to recover. 11/10 I come back to it way more than I probably should

(and i’ve got a plane to catch) you drove me all the way back by @fvcking-damage || mcgryz || 2,862 words || reccer's notes: this is some self-indulgent mcgryz angst i wrote a couple of years ago, idk what i was writing out with this one but. yeah

and turns to dust by adjacently || Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall || 2,130 words || reccer's notes: i can eat taylor hall angst for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

between your love and mine by @blindbatalex || willypasta || 6,360 words || reccer's notes: This is a story about trying to reconcile two sides of your identity that are at irreconcilable conflict with one another, and what having your wings clipped like that at a young age does to a person.  I certainly broke my own heart while writing it.

dancing by @rasksmoustache || marcheron || 1,111 words || reccer's notes: This fic is so vivid and visceral and sad, it permanently altered my brain chemistry.  Unrequited (but is it really?) marcheron which gets the feeling of loving someone and being just a little too late so so well

Done & Undone by @ghostgeno || marcheron || 14,428 words || reccer's notes: 2023 Game 7, the aftermath. Fair warning: I don’t reread this very often because of how effectively it puts you in Brad’s headspace immediately after the game, in brutal, excruciating detail. And yet. And yet. If you feel like being taken apart and then put back together, if you want to feel all the loss and tenderness and love that remains despite the loss, read this fic.

good at secrets by @fridgefishwrites || prefix boys; mcgryz || 4,017 words || reccer's notes: this fic meant (and means) so much to me because it just gets what trying to live your life and build something beautiful while faced with unrelenting homophobia is like.  I love the non-linear narrative and the prefix boys but it was always Matt who stole the show for me in this story

like a stranger by blindbatalex || marcheron || 13,142 words || reccer's notes: not a fic alex hasn't read before (sorry bud) but i'm Obsessed with fics where the characters talk past each other and the angst compounds and this fic is a perfect example of that, amongst other things!!!

make no apologies by @sphesphe || marcheron || 3,757 words || reccer's notes: Brad gets himself suspended before the Winter Classic and Patrice takes it harder than he thinks he should.  He plays it off as fine, things happen, just be better Marchy but it isn't true. He's angry. After the game, Brad stops by, they have a talk and lo and behold, feelings emerge! (And much more!)

Sixth Borough by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,067 words || reccer's notes: The third in a trilogy of fics featuring this pairing. This is a very quiet little vignette featuring two former Bruins who were not stars and did not end up experiencing great success in their time here. It exists entirely in the gray of adult complications and disappointments, and refuses any easy catharsis, and is beautiful for those reasons. For those of us who cared about the Bruins in the (relatively) dismal era between 2015-17 it may come across as a tiny time capsule; for everyone else, I hope the delicate way it honors the hopes and dreams of those who don’t become hometown heroes, who don’t get the happily everafter ending, stays with you.

Westward Expansion by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,625 words || reccer's notes: Jimmy stares out vacantly at the coaster climbing the track. “Just because we’re from the same place doesn’t mean we’re from the same place.” When Frank takes Jimmy to Six Flags, he expects it to be a fun day, showing Jimmy all the rides he used to love growing up. Jimmy is distracted though, melancholy because Frank has so much promise and Jimmy took so long to get to where he is.

Wolverine Feed by @sphesphe || swaymark || 10,659 words || reccer's notes: fic that makes me ill each and every time i think about it

[parkersdahlia]

tough love || m.s

𝜗ৎ based on tough love by gracie abrams

𝜗ৎ warning: mentions of being drunk that's it i guess

you were currently sitting on a train, it was a saturday night and you felt crappy like you wanted to cry because your boyfriend of 2 years was gone. it was the night after your 24th birthday and the guilt of breaking up with him was starting to catch up. you had done it over text, telling him that it was the right thing to do. he was freaking out constantly asking you why and was it something he'd done or said. you explained to him how his growing popularity with his brothers meant that fans will get increasingly invasive and mean. he said he didn't care but you were pretty firm on your decision. he asked to meet up atleast once to talk things out and figure things out but you refused.

It has now been a week and at first you didn't feel much guilt but last night when you were celebrating, surrounded by your friends, you suddenly missed his presence and the guilt catching up to you. in a drunken state you stalked one of his brother's story and found out they're currently home. which is why you found yourself in a train that was taking you to boston. sitting in his jacket that had a little rip in the side. you look around the train full of strangers. normally, it would freak you out but not right now. you liked these strangers more, more than anyone else in this moment. you found being surrounded by them oddly comforting. you sat there and thought about how you hated when you both fought. It sucked. but then you thought whatever ,he's just one of the boys afterall and you're so young and you can date whoever you want and leave when you feel bored. there was no need to be so sad about it right?.

the train eventually came to a halt and you got down. the cold evening boston breeze hitting you, making you shiver and hug yourself tightly holding the jacket closer. you took a cab to his house feeling weird and doubtful all of a sudden about what you were doing. travelling all the way to his hometown all of a sudden? after ghosting him and not returning even one of his desperate calls or texts. was this right? you thought to yourself. you don't get much time to think because the cab was pulling up outside his house making your heart stop. you got down and called him before you could chicken out. he picked up making your heart skip a few beats "y/n?" he said "um hi" you said awkwardly, surprised at the fact he hasn't blocked or deleted your number yet "um c- can you- um I mean coul- could y- could you come outside?" he was confused "what? outside where?" he asked completely lost. you closed your eyes and gathering all your courage "can you come outside please? I'm here outside your house and I wanna talk" you said desperately. he goes silent for a moment. he peeks out of the window seeing you stand there completely shocked at the sudden visit. "matt?" you confirm if he's still there "um yeah i- I'll be there hold on" he said hurriedly ending the call. he comes out as you're standing there wearing his old jacket and hands shoved in the pockets. he looked so confused and totally not expecting this. "hey are you okay? is everything alright? " he asked concern lacing his pretty features and his voice. "um yeah everything is fine don't worry i- i just wanted to talk" you said looking down "I know this isn't the best time and after what I did i thought the least I can do is give you a proper explanation. I owe you" you see his features relax at that, making relief wash over yours. he nodded and your heart settled feeling greatful that he was willing to give you a chance to explain. matt was still angry and confused but he thought if you travelled all the way here just to talk then you deserved the chance and he really wanted to make things right too. he missed you so. he looks at you for a moment a little smile tugging at his lips "oh and by the way, happy belated birthday " he said , making you smile at the the fact he remembered. he took you to a coffee shop where you both talked things out, mostly you as you spent the time explaining why you did what you did and why you still think it's the best decision for the both of you. he kept on saying that he didn't care about the fans and that he can handle it, but you were firm on your decision. you told him with the amount of time spent working and increasing popularity of him and his brothers, it was easy for things to get out of control before he even realises and that he may feel like this is a bad decision right now but will resent your relationship down the line because things change and you didn't want to hold him back. "matt I'm so proud of you for doing so well but the timing isn't right" he shook his head vigorously assuring you none of that will happen. you looked at him, pained look takes over your features as you try to get your point across. you chuckled when he tried to call your bluff in desperation thinking you're making some sick joke and you shook your head. you told him you weren't just thinking about yourself but also about him and how vicious fame can be and how not charmed you are with the idea of it all and that's why you're leaving. he wouldn't understand but there's only so much explaining you can do "you'll understand my reasons eventually" you said giving his hands a squeeze whispering a quiet "goodbye" as he refused to meet your eyes swallowing his tears. you left him there in pieces, you didn't know what else you were leaving for.

leaving the coffee shop you felt heavy weight on your shoulder still lingering, not quiet off and with you not home and nowhere else to go you decided to take a walk by the river. the cold night breeze making you shiver as you kept walking you found a bench and decided to sit there and gather your thoughts. greatful for this little bench that gave you somewhere to go and washing you with a feeling of home. you sat there for a while thinking and rethinking things. it was getting too much, the constant thought of what if you were doing something wrong , what if this was a mistake and the hurt that came with breaking someone's heart you didn't want to think anymore. you felt the strong urge to forget and drown out your feelings. you realised there's a bar down the road, deciding on spending whatever time you have left in boston there.

you get to the bar only to run into the sister of a boy you had met through some mutual friend back in college. you and her decided to get wasted toghether. you didn't know her well but you knew she was a bit of a weird intellect. she was very harsh and direct with her words. she really liked to tell the truth and say things for what they are. that's why all her boyfriends up and left , they couldn't take her honesty. she just had that effect to her, you thought to yourself. you told her how you had just broken the heart of your boyfriend who is now an ex. you told her being honest and leaving feels brutal she nodded and said "but that's just tough love and you're lucky to receive it right?" she said hitting the table to go with what she's saying, god she was hammered , you thought to yourself. "he'll just crumble to pieces" she continued sipping on her drink shrugging her shoulders making you chuckle. "love is not always soft sometimes it's tough. I mean you left him because you were thinking about him and you care for him, right?" you nodded "you left him even though it hurt you , you left him because you don't want to hold him back. he may not understand it now but he will eventually" she said. she had a harsh way of telling things but she was also right.

after leaving the bar you walked towards the train station waiting for a train back home. you settled down inside the train, still clad in his jacket, in a similar position you found yourself in hours ago but this time your mind was much lighter and the weight lifting off by the second. you thought of all the negatives. everyone talks about things you'll miss when you seperate from a person but you tried to think of things that you won't miss about him, trying to make yourself feel better about leaving you though how you weren't going to miss the way he kicked you in your bed while sleeping, a childhood habit of his, or his crappy rich influencer friends who were entitled and so full of themselves who preferred to spend their nights binge drinking, or his old inflated ego that he couldn't hide sometimes knowing there's so many people that wanted him, or his shallow thinking, you were not doing to miss denying that you've got your own damn reasons. a smile taking over your lips as you thought there was no way you were wasting your 20s on random men. they were nowhere close to being cooler, smarter or tougher than all your friends and although you hated the thought of leaving someone's heart bleeding , you were still free and young and not ready to be with someone if it didn't feel right. you took a deep breath smiling to yourself,

now knowing and understanding, what you truly left for.

a/n: shaking as I type this because this is literally my first fic ever and I'm so scared and excited to put this out. I've wanted to write this for so long honestly but a huge shoutout to @jayz4dayz4 making that post that finally pushed me to write it and put it out <33 hope this is good enough xx

divider by : @poemale

[themultifandomgal]

Matt- Meeting Him

My first day as the new trauma surgeon and I'm already late. What a great first impression. I slide into the drivers seat of my car, placing my bag on the front seat I put on my seatbelt and pull off my driveway.

It's winter and so cold in Chicago that I go go turn the heating on, that's when I realise a car is heading straight towards me. Am I on the wrong side of the road? No. It's them. Swerving so I don't have a head on collision I end up rolling down a bank hitting a tree then I black out.

My head is pounding when I come to... not a good sign. I reach up to touch my head and see blood... great I've cut my head open and probably have a concussion. I go to open the car but the door won't budge. I lean over to try the other but I can't reach, my belt is in the way. I try to unbuckle my seat belt but it's stuck. My phone is on the floor where I can't reach. I'm stuck. All I can do is hope that help is on its way and soon, because I'm pretty sure I can smell gas now.

Thankfully I'm not waiting long when I hear sirens so I do the only thing I can think of to get their attention and that's honk my horn. I then see some men in fireman gear stood at the top of the bank. I can relax. I manage to roll down my window when one of the men arrive

"My seatbelt is stuck. I can't open the door" I tell the man

"Ok we're going to get you out of here. Capp get the spreaders. Can you tell me your name?"

"YN YLN. Today was meant to be my first day as the new trauma surgeon at Med"

"Well you sure are going to make one hell of a entrance YN" the fireman jokes with me

"I think I can smell gas"

"Ok. Hang in there. Capp the spreaders now!" He yells and a guy who I'm guessing is called Capp runs down the bank "let's get you out of here"

"What's your name?" I ask

"Severide. Kelly Severide"

That was 2 weeks ago. Im now back at work and feeling a lot better than I did that day so I've baked the firehouse cookies on my day off

"Hey can I help you?"

"Oh errm hi. Is Kelly here? I wanted to drop these off for him and the guys who helped me a few weeks ago"

"Yeah come with me" I follow the man to see Kelly sat at a table with Capp and Cruze who helped me

"Special delivery"

"I just wanted to say thank you for helping me. These are for you guys" I give Kelly the box of biscuits

"You didn't have to"

"Yeah I did. Anyway I best go. I have an appointment to go to"

"You got another car?"

"No" I say quickly "No I'm well it's kinda embarrassing really but..."

"I get it. Want a lift?"

"Oh no I couldn't..."

"It's ok. I'll take her. Gotta go fill up the truck" the man beside me say

"Well there you go. Don't be a stranger YN"

"I won't. Thank you again"

"If I'm giving you a lift I guess you best know who I am. Matt Casey, Lieutenant"

"It's good to meet you Matt. I'm YN. Trauma surgeon"

"Ahhh your YN. Severide was on about you when squad went out that day" Matt helps me into the truck. I take in a deep breath when he closes it the door. I'm ok, everything's ok. I tell myself. Matt opens the door his side and gets in

"You ok? You look pale"

"Yeah. Just since the accident I've struggled with cars and moving vehicles"

"You'll be ok in here. Don't worry" I give Matt a small smile, his presence seams to calm me for some reason

"So where shall I drop you off?"

"At Med"

"Is everything ok?"

"Oh errm yeah. It's with Dr Charles about the errrr the anxiety with driving"

"I see. Well if you ever need a lift anywhere you can call me"

"I don't have your number"

"Yet" Matt gives me a wide smile which makes me laugh

"Isn't it frowned upon to flirt with the people you save?"

"I didn't save you. Severide did"

"Fair enough"

Before I know it I'm outside of Med

"Here" Matt grabs a piece of paper and pen and scribbles something onto it "my number. Phone me if you want picking up"

"Thank you. Seriously thank you" I take his number making a mental note to add it into my phone later. I leave the truck and wave him goodbye before heading into Med for my appointment.

[softpine]

what r some of ur fav hints/easter eggs from past posts that u can talk about now? any that ended up being scrapped?

oooh this is a fun question!! the first thing i thought of is caroline not knowing how to swim. it was mentioned a few times when she was a teenager

because my original plan was for caroline to have a near-death experience while drunkenly falling off a boat in DSV, which would've been a wake up call for her and would've made her start thinking about returning home (ie. returning to safety). but that was before i decided to go down the supernatural route with asa's story (actually, this was before i even decided that cara would have a kid someday), so i scrapped that idea and decided the real turning point for cara would be seeing that vision of asa! but then i still had to give an explanation for why i kept mentioning she can't swim, so i had beth teach her how to swim, as a way of signifying caroline's growth and newfound ability to step outside her comfort zone :)

...

ALSO THE SCRAPPED CHEATING SUBPLOT FJKSJDSKJ

okay. hop into the time machine with me. stevie and matt have been not dating, but not not dating, for a year now. matt has just seen some texts on stevie's phone which make him think she's seeing other people on the side. you can tell he's not mad, in fact he's openly joking about it with her. so he's really confused when stevie says she hasn't been seeing anyone other than him. truthfully – and i can only say this now – matt wouldn't have cared if she was. but they establish that neither of them has been seeing anyone other than each other. there's an unspoken agreement that they're exclusive now, even though they still don't put labels on their relationship.

okay now we're at the dock where stevie professed her love, but here's where things deviate: matt was not supposed to break up with her here. in my original draft, he would've said he loves her too and then continued to date stevie (WITH labels now), knowing they're a dead end, but being too cowardly to say anything. it would take stevie a few weeks to realize matt isn't as enthusiastic about their relationship as she is, but she convinces herself that she's being paranoid. things start to get worse as matt loses interest and gets worse and worse at hiding it. it's not that he doesn't love or care about stevie, it's just that the guilt of lying to her is making it hard to even want to be around her, so it seems like he just doesn't give a shit about her anymore.

eventually, stevie confronts him about it. she's not trying to guilt trip him, but she can't hide how upset she is, and it makes matt dig his grave even deeper because he feels this instinct to assure stevie that he DOES love her and he DOES want to be with her. he apologizes for acting weird lately and he's honest about the fact that he had a contrasting idea of who stevie was before they started dating, so now he's trying to reconcile the person he invented in his head with who stevie actually is, but he still loves her and he promises he'll make a greater effort. so they KEEP DATING...

but things don't get better. because of their prior conversations, stevie believes she's the problem. as a test, she tries to act the way she acts around strangers: loud, funny, and impersonal – and the worst part is, matt actually seems more interested now.

nearing graduation, matt and stevie go tour a college campus a few hours out of town. they get invited to a house party. (it's a just chill gathering, not a PARTY party. they smoke a little but neither of them are drinking.) matt is having a great time impressing everyone with his ~extreme sports~ stories, but stevie is becoming increasingly upset because of something that happened earlier (which might still happen so i can't say anything about it lol) and she just wants to go home, but they took matt's car, so she can't leave until he does. he doesn't even notice when stevie goes outside alone. she's sitting in the cold for a while before this guy approaches her and offers her his jacket. he has this vibe

and if you know anything about stevie, that's literally her type fjkjsds

so this guy, cameron, sits with her and they start talking. he's a freshman studying aeronautical engineering. stevie obviously thinks this is fucking awesome and wants to know everything about it. they talk for a LONG time. when stevie realizes how cold cameron must be, since she's wearing his jacket, she's like omg let's go somewhere else... so they walk back to cameron's dorm and keep talking. matt does check on her via text, but stevie says she found another ride home, and matt doesn't push further. she and cameron talk for literally hours, long after the party ends and matt has undoubtedly gone home, but stevie is just so relieved to be herself around someone, not worried about how she's acting or being perceived.

eventually, of course, they kiss. stevie is overwhelmed with regret immediately and blurts out that she has a boyfriend, which cameron is shocked by because she hasn't mentioned anything about him even though she basically shared her entire life story. stevie realizes she doesn't have much of anything to say about matt. she loves him, but at this point she's really just punishing herself by staying with him when she knows he doesn't feel the same way, and because she's afraid no one will ever pursue her the way matt did. but here's cameron, disproving this theory in real time. she kisses him again. thankfully he knows she's not in the right headspace to do anything more than that. they end up getting snacks from the vending machine and continuing to talk all night, falling asleep together just as the sun starts rising. (and if you've ever cuddled with someone in a TINY dorm bed, you'll know that's somehow more intimate than sex lmao)

when stevie wakes up, she feels awful about what she'd done and she sneaks out of the dorm before cameron wakes up. she calls her dad to come pick her up. considering he finds his daughter crying outside some guy's dorm in the same clothes she left in, owen assumes the worst, so stevie has to awkwardly tell him what really happened so that owen won't drive them straight to the police station. she doesn't even know why she called her dad of all people. as soon as he finds out it was consensual and stevie just feels guilty about it, owen tries to cheer her up by being like "aww don't worry, i've cheated too!! 👍🏻 it doesn't make you a bad person, you can't help it, you're just like me and your mom :D" which is just about the worst thing stevie could possibly hear in this situation...

stevie doesn't even try to keep this a secret from matt. she tells him exactly what happened on that same day. i'm not going to get too far into the aftermath of this, because obviously i scrapped this plot and it doesn't really matter anymore. but matt's reaction to finding out he had been cheated on... it's kinda interesting. he gets frustrated with stevie because she's the one who wanted to be exclusive in the first place, while matt had a "take it or leave it" kinda attitude towards exclusivity (in fact, part of the reason he'd been drawn to stevie in the first place was because she didn't want to tie herself down so quickly). so matt has been completely faithful because stevie asked him to be, but then stevie is the one who cheated? it really bothers him. in the end, matt is the one who breaks up with her. he leaves the relationship feeling like he was the one who got burned. he's never forced to acknowledge the ways in which he fucked up long before stevie did – essentially she gave him an "out". meanwhile stevie now believes she's incapable of staying in a committed relationship and swears off love for a while (which is where she's at right now in canon, so, hey. we circled back).

the reason why i didn't go down this route is because, for the main plot to progress, i needed stevie to be at rock bottom AND estranged from elaine. i also needed elaine to be angry at matt, and be disappointed in austin. it would've taken way too long to get to all those points if i went ahead with the cheating plot, so i cut it. but i still feel like all of these actions are in-character and this easily COULD have been the reality if matt hadn't had that one burst of courage on the dock lol

[sunny6677]

Never really made a introduction post to my blog, so here—

Hello! I am Sunny, or Lila, or Tomori—you can call me either one of those but Lila makes my gender euphoria go yippee more jdnsnsj /lh

I'm taken by my lovely partner who I would tag if they actually had a Tumblr hsnsns /lh

My pronouns are she/her but I don't mind being referred to with they/them. I am transfem and lesbian—(and possibly on the ace spectrum??? Still trying to figure that out). I am autistic, and possibly have BPD—I also have pretty bad anxiety issues and some pretty bad OCD.

My interests are: FNAF, Spooky Month, horror, analog horror, poetry, BATIM, dinosaurs, jurassic park, TADC, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc etc the list goes on.

My kins, or rather just characters I strongly relate to are: Lila, Skid, Streber, Radford, Pomni, Zooble, Patty, Wednesday Addams, Eleven from Stranger Things, Rika Furude from Higurashi, Edd from Eddsworld (the character), Toriel, Alphys, Pacifist! Frisk, Kyoko Kirigiri, Jake from The Music Freaks, The Crying Child/CC from FNAF, Darwin Watterson from TAWOG, Garnet from Steven Universe, Marceline from Adventure Time etc etc.

My comfort characters right now are: Kevin and Lila from Spooky Month, or rather basically any character from Spooky Month, but mainly those two lmao.

My ships are: Lila x Kevin, Kevin x Radford, Edd x Tord (the characters are who I ship), Tom x Matt, Pomni x Ragatha, Lila x Jaune, Wednesday x Enid, Betty Groff x Simon Petrikov, etc etc.

DNI: MAPS, MAPS supporters, Zoos, Proshippers, any NSFW accounts in general because I'm a minor—I'm chill if suggestive stuff or jokes are made but nothing too heavy, anyone who takes shipping a little too seriously, ableist people, racist people, transphobic or homophobic people, any kind of LGBT-phobic people, anti-self shippers or anti oc x canon (I do self shipping and oc x canon so you should probably skedaddle out of here if you don't like either of those things). Tbh, just dni people who are weird or do stuff that harms other people in general. I'm cool if you don't like certain characters or shows or whatever the hell, but if you like doxx or harass people over having opinions or if you do anything creepy in general, you should probably get outta here. Also younger kids in general—like any age below 13.

This is also supposed to be a chill blog where I just post stuff I like—and I tend to really hate fighting, so chances are if someone tries to start fighting shit up in here, I'm probably either not gonna respond or I'll just delete whatever they said. I mean like if I did something genuinely wrong I'll reply, but this isn't meant to be a discourse blog. I'm just here to have a good time fam. /lh

And request—if you're gonna block me at least tell me why before you do. Not because of any specific reason, I just happen to flip out due to a personal experience I had a while ago and I start thinking that they blocked me because I'm a horrible person and did something terribly bad. So if you're not blocking me because you think I'm a bad person, it might be better to explain to me before you do since my obsessive thinking won't freak out if it's just something like me being into a ship that's a trigger for you or me just creating stuff that makes you uncomfortable/just stuff ya don't like in general. /gen

Other blogs: @ask-the-wage-trio and a few others I can't tag for some reason

SONAS FOR IF ANYONE WANTS TO DRAW ME—

————

(OOC: Wasn't able to make a blog for this one due to some minor troubles, so here—this one is the Ask Tom! blog thing jrndnd)

(Edit: Finally made a Tom blog!!)

"...OHOHO! THERE IT IS!"

(She jumps up and down in front of the camera, placing her hands on her hips.)

"HELLO, PEOPLE OF TUMBLR! I AM THE GREAT PRINCESS OF SEDONAH, TOM! AND I HAVE LEARNT JUST RECENTLY ABOUT THIS THING CALLED.. ASK BLOGS. I FIGURED I COULD TRY IT MYSELF, SO HERE I AM! YOU MAY ASK ME ANYTHING! FROM MY FAVORITE COLOR, FROM WHETHER OR NOT THE EARTH IS FLAT, TO IF I COMB MY HAIR! I, THE GRAND PRINCESS, SHALL ANSWER EITHER WAY! OHOHO!"

————

(Tom's reference sheet)

Tom's relationship chart:

[confoundedluna]

y'all sound off with until dawn movie predictions in the notes I Need to see what y'all think will happen

I'll go first, Matt and Jess are high on the kill list and I highly doubt both make it out, one of them is very likely the first death outside of the prologue, Jess on the elevator could be possible but the shock of her returning later in the mines and living after Matt gets hooked as the actual first death are intriguing

next on the tier list are Chris, Ash and Em, I think they're more likely to make it out but again I don't think it'll be all three, i'm thinking Em gets bitten and either shot in the basement, or eyes gouged in the lodge so we get the 'Understand the palm of my hand, bitch' line (I just Desperately need to see that on the big screen), though it's also possible her grinder death happens just because of how gnarly that is, but it's a bit too early on for my liking, and really I just really hope she is portrayed on the nicer end of her possible paths because she's already shit on by the fandom enough, don't need a new wave of movie fans that shit on her too

then Sam and Mike, it's possible both survive, but one might go out, i'm saying Mike personally is the more likely of the two to go but the more of them make it out alive, the better for me

Josh definitely gets turned, no way about it, my boy is gonna Suffer and it will hurt, I just hope they're a bit better about portraying his mental health struggles - Rami's performance was a big part of pulling off the game depiction, the writing for him isn't that great really, as other people have said before

I hope The Stranger gets portrayed by an actual Native actor, and that Native people are consulted fully on the development

EDIT

also adding on, I know it's a film so the totem mechanic isn't necessary, but it could be a cool way to show the butterfly effect and stuff that isn't actually in the film if they use it right, like the one Chris finds of Emily burning in the lodge fire, that happens really early on, and to have the tension of wondering if/when that would happen could be cool, especially if there's a mix of stuff that does and doesn't happen - not all the totems need to be included since there's so many, but a few of them could add to the film for sure

[noxturnalmoth]

Scalpels and Paintbrushes || Chishiya Shuntarô x Reader

- read ‘til the end for notes -

When a freelance artist travels to Japan to rekindle her passion for art and her life, she finds herself in a whole other predicament. Dangerous games, dangerous people, a dangerous world with dangerous rules. She���s alone, fending for herself, until she meets a disoriented medical student that will bring her comfort but might bring more difficulties and heartbreak aswell.

Chapter 9: Fleeting moments

And with this Kuina came back and fake smiles were exchanged, I went to serve myself food and we talked, small talk, just like strangers would.

After that the rest of the day was a blur. I went to my room and cryied harder than I had in months. Of course he had to come back when I was finally fine without him. It's always what happens, old habits die hard and old demons are not easy to kill.

So to the bar it was.

The walk there was okay, I bumped into couples shoving their tongues in each other's throats and militants acting tough. But once arrived in the bar the noise was almost too much to handle. I had to get what I wanted to get and quick.

"Hey, do you have two bottles of...you know what I'm too tired to give a fuck. Give me two bottles of whatever you have that's the strongest."

"I'm on it babe!"

And as soon as I blinked two bottles of absinthe were shoved on the counter.

"Have fun!"

Yeah. I don't know about this one. And I wave to the bartender as I leave the overcrowded bar and make my way into the building. Asking around here and there for directions on how to get to the rooftop I pass by the clothing room to get a vest to cover myself since the swimsuit barely did so.

"Oh, what are you?"

I feel something hard in the pocket of the cardigan, an iPod with its earphones intact? It was matte black and seemed in good condition. And as I clicked on the buttons it lit up.

It had battery.

"Did your previous owner have taste little one?"

And with that I continued to make my way up, absinthe bottles shoved in the deep pockets of the cardigan and clinking as my thighs pushed me up the stairs. My hand was occupied in scrolling as I listened through the downloads with one earphone in.

And once I arrived on the rooftop I sat on the edge, finally finding a song peaceful enough to fit what I wanted.

"Not bad. I'd thank your owner if they were still here. Although I guess I am your owner now huh? Shit, what am I doing talking to myself. You've gone crazy Humpty Stumpty, that's it, Chishiya was the final blow to your poor ole mind."

Absinthe in hand, I put it between my thighs and unscrew the cap. The strong herbal scent of the liquor hitting me in the face, more and more when I bring the bottle to my lips.

"Well, here's to me and still being alive although I'm losing it. I hope you've got your drinks on too Hide, Yumeko. I miss you guys."

And with that I drank, swift and hefty swigs were taken from the bottle as the music in my ears calmed the ringing silence of loneliness and hid the atrocious noisiness of the partying downstairs.

It was crazy how the sky was beautiful since all industrial activity stopped, it was so clear, the air was so clean. But was it worth it if all we had left was hell on Earth?

"Doesn't it burn?"

"It does, but it doesn't mean it's bad."

"It isn't meant to be drank this way you know?"

"I know, it doesn't mean I can't. There's nothing we can't do around here, I don't know if it's such a good thing as everyone makes it to be though."

I give him the bottle. Him, the man in white, the familiar stranger, the old demon I welcome back in my nights. And he drinks. And no other words are uttered as we watch the world in silence.

First Month:

Days passed and Kuina was a great girl, but being around her meant being around Chishiya. But I stayed, I stayed because I didn't want her to be hurt. She could fend for herself but I guess I just couldn't leave her to be alone with him, just in case.

Niragi was still annoying, comming ever so often to hit on me and annoy Shuntarô as I learnt he loves to do.

"So baby, what are you doing tonight? Going for a game?"

"Yes."

"I've been nice to you, c'mon give me something. A sentence that is more than a word, I don't know!"

"You've been hitting on me. I don't want you. You're violent and bat shit insane, that ain't what I want to link myself with."

He rolls his eyes and his fingers twitch around his rifle as he approaches me, and I face him head on.

"You're as violent as I am."

"Not by choice."

"But you could be, let yourself go!"

"Why would I want to, then I'd be nothing more than an animal."

"Did-"

"Did I say you were a wild feral beast? Yeah. You say that shit is human nature but don't you mean you stooped as low as becoming an unruly raging animal? Human nature is being intelligent enough to keep our instincts and unchecked desires out of society. By either taking control of them in a safe environment or erasing them."

And with that I go to the car where the rest of the people going to the same game as me are while he yells after me, finally reaching his boiling point. Once I arrived there, there is only one other person in the car. Shuntarô Chishiya.

"And thus Frankenstein's beast and her master are once again together."

Saying nothing I enter the driver's seat and start the engine, speeding towards our next game, a school

Once arrived there everything looked overrun by nature. It was growing much faster now that human intervention had ceased. And I slowly walked through thepath, admiring the great location and trying to put some distance between Chishiya and I.

Once arrived, we both take the phones given, validating our inscription to the game. Then a chime made itself known.

"Welcome Participents. Game: Eight of Clubs, Aka Manto. The players will all get to the toilets and enclose themselves in a cubicle, there they will have 5 minutes to make a choice. Once the choice has been made, people having chosen the same answer will be put into pairs within the same group. The pairs will be given a list of objects. The objective will be for these pairs to find these objects as fast as possible and stop Aka Manto's chase. The ones that cannot do so and are not already dead will suffer the consequences. You will have one hour."

"So they sai-"

"I understood Chishiya."

His eyebrows lift and I roll my eyes.

Aka Manto, we'd most likely be given the choice between red and blue toilet paper once in the cubicle, each color meaning a different death. Blue meaning suffocation until we become blue and red being stabbed until we are covered in our own blood. So once I entered mine I immediately picked red. Dying suffocating has got to be one of the worst things I could think of, and I'd rather be able to go against a stabbing maniac and have a chance of stealing their weapon.

"Teams are chosen. Red team go to the east wing, Blue team to the west wing. You have 10 minutes until start of the game."

"You've chosen red too?"

"I prefer reserving choking for the bedroom."

"Niragi would be elated."

I glare at him.

"Listen, I know you wanna piss me off but we really need to think of what to give to who and not be stupid in our decisions."

"We should team up."

"What did I say about NOT being stupid about our decisions?"

"We're both very intelligent. We'd get out quickly and easily. If you see people you want to help, go and help them, but together we'd have the most chances."

And with that I sigh. He was right, as much as I hated to admit it. So we paired up. Seeing our list I groaned out loud. We needed to find a daruma, two traditional japanese dolls, red thread, chalk, candles, salt and matches.

A purifying ritual.

"I fucking hate this already."

"You hate a lot of stuff."

"No shit Sherlock. Let's start already, chalk would be easy enough, in a class. Red thread and dolls...a sewing club?"

"Mh. Candles would maybe be in the teachers' lounge, or maybe if there's a drama club. And salt in the mess hall or kitchen."

"Matches and a daruma doll..some sort of janitor's closet?"

"Yeah it could fit. Where do they say the ritual has to be done?"

"Basement of course."

He hums and we get to work first would be the teachers' lounge, I lead the way since I was stronger physically. And we rounded corners after corners, hearing our panicked fellow red team pairs scambling about, until we attained the lounge and separated to check every cabinet present.

"Got them!"

I nodded back and we started to get going to our next location, the janitor's closet on the first floor where we could also get to both the mess hall and the kitchen. But all of a sudden the door opened and a tall figure in red holding a butcher knife entered and we were lucky enough to duck in time.

I signal Chishiya to not move as I look slightly over the table, they wore a mask that most likely impaired their vision but two people leaving would be impossible as it'd cause too much noise. So I duck back down and nod my head at the white haired male to continue to his left and get to the door, probably thinking I'd follow him he did.

"Hey asshole try and get a piece of that!"

And as I uttered those words Chishiya looked at me, almost too fast, and I motionned for him to run. I'd distract the Aka Manto, and he'd get what we need from downstairs. He begrudgingly followed my plan and I started running to the opposite side, if I couldn't outrun him, I'd outsmart him. And if I could do neither, I'd keep him at bay.

I turned corners, climbed stairs up and down yelled in the corridors so that other teams would know to run, but the damned bastard wouldn't leave me alone. So I hatched a plan, I'd go downstairs as planned but I'd kill the fucker. He'd die anyways if he lost the game, so how about I make it easier for him? And so with newfound vigor I sprint to the stairs, making it down the last flight and into the last corridor before the mess hall.

"(y/n)!"

"Chishiya run, now!"

He scrambled in the kitchen from where he was in the mess hall and I heard a loud bang of the doors opening and loud and fast thumps, Aka Manto was here.

"C'mere big guy! You want a fight? I'll give you one!"

I run to him and slide to my knees, kicking his legs from under him and he falls to the ground, groaning. As I roll back he catches my right leg and nicks it pretty bad with his meat cleaver, and as he was about to bring it down to strike again I kicked it our of his hands and quickly got to my feet. Not getting greedy in hitting the opponent I take the cleaver.

"Now we're talking."

Doors opened and two other teams came in, the Aka Manto, feeling disadvantaged tried to go to them first but I put myself in front muttering a "no you don't". The other pairs knew to run away from here fast as I held the cleaver up in front of me.

I'm gonna shish kabob that motherfucker.

He attacks first and he is fast and much heavier than me, I evade once, then twice but the third time he changes up his tactic and kicks my diaphragm. As I am proulsed backwards, my lungs cough up all the air I held. My hand still gripped the knife and it seemed to iritate the guy, he became more agressive, beating my face in thinking he could beat me to unconsciousness then kill me and get on with his day.

So I act as if I was going to punch him with my left hand and he diverts his attention enough for me to lift my arm and bring the cleaver down with enough force that I sliced through his clavicle.

The rest was fairly easy. I turned us around, using the momentum he had as he fell to his right. Once on top of him, I hit his neck enough times to behead the guy. Rolling on my back next to him, in a puddle of blood mind you, I take back my breath. The edges of my vision were black from the beating and I was losing blood but I'd be fine enough for another thirty minutes or so.

So I stood up and with staggered steps made my way to where Chishiya would be by now.

"You were fast, you got to the basement before I did you ass."

"And you look like you've gone to hell and back."

"I'm fine, you should see the other guy. D'you need help with anything?"

"Nah, go rest."

"Fuck off, do we do it in a circle or...?"

"Yeah, and wr-"

"wrap the red thread around and between the dolls tying them together. The salt is for purification purposes, red thread means fate, dolls are the world of the living and the Aka Manto, the candles are ritualistic in nature, the chalk is the border."

"Wow, you know your stuff. Did you read the thing?"

"How could I, I was flirting with death. Nah it's pretty basic spiritual knowledge and connecting the dots by this point."

And so we lit the red thread and our phones chimed, we were free.

"Good job."

"Yeah, you too."

And times and times again Chishiya would be in the same game team as I. So much so that I thought he did it on purpose. It would be totally counterproductive though, why spend months avoiding me to start and be close again? There was no way he'd apologise and reveal what he was hiding.

It didn't take a genius to see that his confession was made of half truths. There was something he didn't tell me, and maybe it was the reason he hovered around me, even in spade missions in which he'd be at a disadvantage.

But who was I to force anything out of him?

So I let it go.

"What are you thinking about? And don't say 'nothing' again or I swear I'll throw you out of the window."

"Just, getting lost in thoughts about the past."

"Yeah I know what your mean, but you do it a lot more when you come back from games with Chi- nOOOOO WAY."

"No Kuina, it's not love."

"Bu-"

"No, I know how he is. I don't want none of that with him anymore."

"What do you mean anymore? Did you have a crush on him? Were you together and you didn't tell me?"

"No to both."

"Were you not truly strangers when I introduced you two?"

"Touché."

"Wow I smell drama. Don't worry, I won't ask if you're worrying about that, but I did feel the tension between you guys. I just thought it was sexual!"

"Wha-"

Second month:

I got used to him lurking around, like some sort of weird guardian angel. Still annoyed me though.

"You know that I know you're here."

"I know that you know that I know."

"Stop being a smartass."

He chuckles and sits besides me. Evenings with him became, against my will, a routine. I'd go drink on the rooftop, occasionally with a cigarette or two, music in my ears and him in my shadow. It'd be silent for most part, my fight having mellowed out; he could fight back and he was Chishiya anyways, he's so stubborn I had become tired of fighting behind Kuina's back unless he truly got on my nerves.

"What are you listening to?"

"What? Why'd you want to know?"

"I'm bored."

"Tell me something new."

I give him the earbud I do not use and that is how the last of our conversation fizzles away as the playlist rolls through and the bottle of booze goes from me to him, from him to me, until no more amber liquid is left.

"It reminds me of our first night drinking together, back at the mall."

I hum.

"Didn't think you'd remember Shuntarô."

"Didn't think you'd want to talk about it."

"My fight is gone, I'm tired emotionally and physically, I don't care anymore Chishiya. I can't spend the rest of my days hating you this much. But I'll never forgive you that's for sure."

"I'm sorry."

"Try when you're not drunk, your eyes are droopy and you're swaying.... but thanks anyways."

"So you don't hate me?"

"I just heavily dislike you. Go sober up Chishiya."

He mumbles and leaves, and I smile, taking a whiff of the cool midnight air. He's always softer when he's drunk.

Third Month:

"Do you do this on purpose?"

"Do what?"

He says chewing on his snack, looking at the road ahead decors flying by as I drive the both of us to yet another game.

"Stick to me like a chewing gum to my soles on a summer day?"

"Maybe."

"You're gonna need to give me a bit more than that Shuntarô."

"You're less boring than the others people around here, it ain't my fault."

"You almost sound like you actually want to be with me."

"Ew, don't credit yourself this much it's disgusting."

"Riiiight, keep following me then. Creep."

Senso-ji Temple was our stop of the evening. Our game first seemed easy enough, Hide and seek, but in a gigantic space, seekers would be human, have human reflexes an thought processes.

I was very wrong.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU GIANT SPIDER FUCK."

Giant robotic spiders.

GIANT ROBOTIC SPIDERS WERE THE SEEKERS.

They had night vision and were unable to get tired, the whole group got killed within minutes.

"CHISHIYA YOU ASS I'M HELPING WITH YOUR PLAN AT LEAST HELP ME BACK."

The objective was to find the 'nest' and destroy it because of course they'd have a nest.

"Okay I see where it is, distract it some more."

"I've been doing it since THE PAST TEN MINUTES YOU DUMBASS"

He chuckles and cuts the signal of his walkie talkie. "It's me and you now you disgusting eight legged freak....please help me God" My thoughts keep bouncing back and forth from confident to scared shitless as this immense metal arachnid closes the distance between us.

I had to think fast.

The giant gongs. I was dying, my breath getting shorter but I had to go faster, get the spider so lazer focused she'd hit the gong. And so that's what I did. Sprinting even faster I was thinking of how I'd kill Chishiya if I ever died because of a giant spider robot, and how I'd make it as painful as possible. My legs pushed by faster and faster, and faster until I slid under the gong and the spider hit it so hard the noise resonated through Tokyo. It was down for maybe a few seconds, letting me catch my breath on the ground, but quickly got back up and when I thought it was the end I saw a huge source of light coming from behind the temple. The spider exploded, some shrapnel cutting me, but the motherfucker had saved be just in time.

"Game clear. Congratulations."

And with a heavy sigh I fall to the ground, something coming to poke my side with its foot.

"Next time, you run." I pant.

And he helps me up, chuckling and muttering a "in your dreams", giving me a pat on the back.

Fourth month:

That night I didn't go outside, my body was aching and I was simply too tired to care, choosing to go listen to music on my bed instead. The game didn't go well, it was a game of heart and it required of me to lie to get people to kill each other. There was a bunch of kids there.

I just killed a bunch of kids.

It raised the bile to my throat. You do what you need to do to survive, but that shit. Killing people that haven't done shit to you? It always feels the worst. It's the type of blood that can't be erased no matter how much you wash and scratch your skin so your own blood hides the one of the innocents.

"There's blood on your bedsheets."

"I know. Don't worry it's mine." I sniff, fat tears rolling down my face out from my closed eyes.

I hear a sharp inhale and scrambling around until a wet cloth is dabbed around my mouth, if you cant scratch yourself with your other hand your body has other tools.

"You can't keep hurting yourself. You drink, you smoke, you do shit like that, you're deflecting your pains. Using addictions and new pains to make you forget the old ones."

"Wow I love to get psychoanalyzed by my ex." Another sharp intake of breath and a pregnant pause.

Until he scrambles again, washing my arms with antiseptic, I tried to not budge but the pain was intense and I was feeling antsy due to slowly loosing blood.

"Do you want to kill yourself (y/n)? 'Cause you're on the right path to do so."

"Sometimes I do yeah. But I'm not worthy yet, so I keep on going."

My arm finally wrapped up, I curl up on my side.

"You're worthy of more than you think."

"You're just saying that."

"You know I always mean what I say, or at least half of it."

"Way to make me feel better."

I feel the bed dip and a hand going through my hair. It had gotten longer in the time I was at The Beach, around Chishiya's length.

"I should cut it."

"No, let me take care of it."

"...okay."

And so he did. Next day he brushed the nest that was my hair, which I frankly wanted to just shave because of how unnecessary it was. I didn't care much for my looks anymore.

But when Chishiya brushed my hair and washed it, it reminded me of that day, months and months ago. A day that I wanted to forget like I wanted to forget him back then. But, one of my reasons for being how I am now.

He was so gentle with me today, as if I were glass. In the mirror I saw nothing but a broken woman and looked at myself with disdain. But he looked, hopeful somehow. And as I looked at his face I sighed.

"Your hair looks like shit. Sit." And he did.

"Your hair looks like tarmac with a piss poor covering of snow on it."

And with that and the slight sound of the iPod, I opened the bleaching kit I found under his sink. Preparing the mixture and gently putting it on Chishiya's hair. The fumes were horendous but his hair was finally back to platinum, so I washed his hair and dried it as gently as I could while I watched his shoulder and face relax from the mirror.

"I missed this." He said as he opened his eyes and looked up at me, a small smile on his lips. I scowl.

"Shut up, I just don't want to be indebted to you."

But all I did was hide the fact that,

I missed this too.

Fifth month:

"JESUS CHISHIYA GET YOUR LEGS TO RUN FASTER."

Another hospital games. Those were fun right? Yeah no, they weren't ever fun. This time it was a club game, once again.

But we had to run, and fast.

We had to find creepy dolls all around the hospital to smash em and get a piece of a code which we all communicated to each other via walkie talkie.

Turns out that when we smash a doll, we get ten minutes in which our position is revealed to the killer, and he was efficient. Probably a merc, but definitely someone that we needed to outsmart since we couldn't out run him. So we brought him to the maze that is the OR floor. Just a bunch of doors leading from one room to the other, to the corridor, to yet another room.

How wrong we were to bring him here.

"I think we lost him." I pant.

"Yeah, good job. Stay here, I saw a doll in the observing room."

"Sure."

I lean on the counter and as I take a breather. The lights turn off.

"Shuntarô, this is too familiar. Shun?"

"The door is locked, fuck. We're trapped."

"Shit, it's starting to smell weird in here."

"DONT INHALE IT- (y/n)? (Y/N)?!"

And as I feel my consciousness slipping, I feel a stinging in my stomach area.

. . . . ..n)

. .

. .../n)

. .

(y/n)

.

(y/n) please wake up, please.

I feel my body being rocked back and forth as my numbed senses come back to me.

"Chi-"

"Please, don't die on me, not yet. You can't, you need to stay alive."

"Chishiya what the fuck?"

He stops his mumbling, now that my eyes were less hazy I could see it. Streams of tears were running down his cheeks, I was back in my room, on my bed, in Chishiya's arms. And it all came back to me, the hospital, it was like back then, when I lost my arm. So I do what I can and take him in my arm as he collapses of exhaustion.

I set him on my bed and lay next to him. It was the second time it happened, we really shouldn't get separated in hospitals. And as sleeps overtakes me, he holds me.

And that's the last time I see him before he ignores me again.

<Prev /Next>

M.list

taglist wanters

Whew, that man is a rollercoster. Loves me, loves me not. They are dancing around each other and soon enough we'll have some action. Next chapter is the start of canon stuff related to the series so I hope you guys are ready, because I sure am! Also, I hope you like my amputee jokes for mc from last chapter, there will be some more when I feel the context is good enough. Merry Christmas y'all!

[urcherrycolaa]

matt sturniolo playlist

songs that reminds me of matt sturniolo

swang - rae sremmurd

"want the whole crew, shawty brave"

amazing - rex orange country

"don't change a thing, you are amazing"

under pressure - RILEY, chase atlantic

"fuck depression, im just under pressure"

die for you - the weeknd

"baby, i would die for you"

after hours - the weeknd

"oh baby, where are you now when i need you most?"

i was never there - the weeknd

"when it's time, it won't matter"

neon guts - lil uzi vert, pharrell williams

"and i got a colorful aura like i got neon guts"

wine pon you - doja cat, konshens

"i ain't got my eye on you. ain't been hypnotized by you"

chicago - michael jackson

"an angel sent from heaven just for me"

solo - future

"i don't wanna let you down"

dark red - steve lacy

"honey, i belong with you and only you, baby"

lover - taylor swift

"and at every table, i'll save you a seat, lover"

here with me - d4vd

"i don't care how long it takes, as long as i'm with you, i've got a smile on my face"

all i need - lloyd

"your love is all i need"

drugs & money - chase atlantic

"i think i'm god and some other shit"

so high - doja cat

"i know you ain't a drug but you get me so high"

break from toronto - PARTYNEXTDOOR

"that smile on your face makes it easy to trust you"

heaven and back - chase atlantic

"then she fell in love with a whole new drug"

awkward - sza

"i cannot love everybody, but you isn't anybody"

love me - lil wayne, drake, future

"she say, i never wanna make you mad i just wanna make you proud. i say, baby just make me cum, then don't make a sound"

cardigan - taylor swift

"you drew stars around my scars"

west coast - lana del rey

"ooh baby, ooh baby, i'm in love"

scott street - phoebe bridgers

"anyway, don't be a stranger"

under the influence - chris brown

"you don't know what you did, did to me"

loverboy - a-wall

"you can call me loverboy"

G.O.A.T - eric bellinger, aroc!

"so if i gotta choose someone, then it must be her she been here since day one"

sex money feelings die - lykke li

"drink up, drink up, im so fucked up, all i want is you"

ordinary life - the weeknd

"heaven in her mouth, got a hell of a tongue"

bejeweled - taylor swift

"when i walk in the room, i can still make the whole place shimmer"

good old-fashioned lover boy - queen

"ooh love, ooh lover boy what're you doing tonight?"

caroline - amine

"cause great scenes might be great, but i love your bloopers"

[setsailtomorrow]

any chance you have foxhole court fic recs?

yes, let's do this!

so, these are all au fics (because i don't remember canon well enough) and they're also all neil josten/andrew minyard - because i'm basic that way.

quicksand 89k, M, likearecord

Andrew and the Idiotic, Thirsty, Ill-advised, Very Off-Limits Crush on his College Roommate's Younger Brother.

this was just done as i started looking for fic, no wonder i continued! after reading this one i then read every single fic by the author. so do that. for example, please read catfish as well

A Different Matter 59k, E, djhedy moonix

After college, Neil is drifting and a bit lost. When Matt makes him move in with him and his housemates, Neil isn't sure what to expect. Finding a family, having casual sex, and then promptly ruining that by falling not-so-casually in love is not on his agenda, though.

you can also go ahead and read most of moonix's stuff!

Muscle Memory 20k, E, elesary

Andrew wakes in the hospital, years after the last thing he remembers, with nothing but a handful of out of date promises and a wrecked car. He is purposeless, adrift, unable to find solid ground. 

Except in the blue, blue eyes of the scarred stranger at his bed side.

amnesia trope! always a nice good one. this does have call backs to the book series, but it all makes sense.

hello world 37k, M, lolainslacksss

Everyone on the US national team knows that Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten hate each other, so of course they all think it's hilarious to force them to share a room in the name of 'team harmony' for the entirety of the Exy World Cup.

An enemies-to-lovers/professional Exy AU

i didn't really like how the author wrote about the olympics (i would like to fact check them staying at hotels, the drinking, etc) but the actual story is good.

overmorning overnight 5k, T, skullcaid

Maybe it’s because they’re eating healthier due to Allison losing a bet against Kevin. Maybe it’s because their genes are just strange. Or maybe it’s just fate being weird. 

or, the twinyards suddenly hit their Growth Spurt™

this one has a part two, read that one as well!

Too Good to be Good For Me 18k, E, orphaned

"Your next shoot is with Andrew Minyard."

Neil's a porn star who hasn't realised just how good sex was, until Andrew.

quite porny, very hot. and it's a whole series!

loving you is muscle memory 3,5k, T, Talls

Neil has temporary amnesia, and Andrew is disconcertingly attractive. This is especially disconcerting because Neil was pretty sure he didn't swing. Nicky is endlessly pleased by the entire situation.

when the main material features a violent sport, the fandom ends up with some great amnesia fic.

Fake It 'Til You Make It 17k, T, gluupor

Neil works three low paying, dead-end jobs and makes just enough money to afford a room to sleep in and to keep himself from starving. He has no prospects, no hope, no future. That all changes when a chance encounter results in a job offer that he can't ignore.

The job? Pretending to be professional exy player Andrew Minyard's boyfriend.

gluupor is another name to click!

[blogger-yura]

Entry #52 Oct 23rd '23

#YurasLife #MovieMonday #HalloweenWeek #Thriller #Horror #Slasher #Gore

𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲 - This is Halloween~

This is Halloween~ Pumpkins scream in the dead of night~.

It's that time of the year again! Isn't it just OH, so exciting! If you've been here a while, you might know how much I LOVE holidays ♡ And Halloween, of course, holds a special place in my heart. Wouldn't be able to tell you why, but it's always with great joy that I spend october, and especially the last week, preparing, decorating, and celebrating ~.

Same as last year, to get in the mood this week before the day comes, I've prepared a small list with movies to watch! Some were added to the ranking last time, classics that simply can't be left out–. And some, well, are just here to enjoy and have fun with friends at night (*^ω^)

With nothing else to say, I hope you enjoy this year's selection!

Monday 23rd

Title: Scream franchise (1996-2023) - Director: Wes Craven, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett, Christopher Landon

It is not a Halloween movie night if there's not at least ONE Scream movie in there. That's it. That's everything there is to say. Ah, how do you even explain this franchise? To this day, it remains a must watch for any and all horror lovers. There is no further discussion about it. I'm taking the holiday as an excuse! Still need to watch the new drop. So do the same, and if you haven't watched them all, make yourself a favor and sit through them tonight!

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Tuesday 24th

Title: Hostel (2005-2011) - Director: Eli Roth, Scott Spiegel

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟☆☆

Wednesday 25th

Title: Slither (2006) - Director: James Gunn

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟☆☆

Thursday 26th

Title: The Evil Dead franchise (1981-2023) - Director: Sam Raimi, Federico Alvarez, Lee Cronin

It's the hand. It will ALWAYS be the hand. Picture this, you're watching a terribly gore-y, comical horror movie. You can't get past the 1st person POV of the evil spirit sprinting through the woods, trying to take the movie seriously as it's so old. And then, to top it off, a possessed hand wants to end its former owner's life. That's all you need to know to understand why this is here. A comic, a computer game, a movie, a tv show, and a musical. That's the cultural impact of The Evil Dead!

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Friday 27th

Title: House of 1000 corpses (2003) - Director: Rob Zombie

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟☆☆

Saturday 28th

Title: The Strangers (2008) - Director: Bryan Bertino

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟🌟☆

Sunday 29th

Title: Paranormal Activity (2006) - Director: Oren Peli.

Lets be honest for once. There's only one good Paranormal Activity movie, and that's simply the first one. Maybe it was the fear it induced, the novelty of the idea and the filmmaking, or simply the fact it made it seem like such an ordinary occurrence, like it could happen to you at any time. But it is, undoubtedly, an axiety inducing, terrifying movie. And I am more than convinced it deserves a little spot in todays list.

Personal score: 🌟🌟🌟🌟☆

Did I pick your favorite movie, or did I miss it? It's always so hard picking so little movies to share and have fun with for these dates! Never know if I want to keep the list old school, modern, psychological, or bloody! Regardless, this is the list I'm going with myself! A bit of everything, I reckon, and I know I'll enjoy it.

If you have your own horror list for the week, what do you have in it? And if you don't like horrors, what do you watch for Halloween? (^w^)

Can't wait for next week to come already! Still have so much to share the next few days, though. I'm super excited, and I hope you are too!

I'll go now, or I'll fall behind on my other plans! But I'll be back tomorrow with more, so don't miss me much! All the love, my little pumpkins~.

Stay safe out there! -Yura ♡

🧡: @clubwnderland [💙] @shin-haneul @neonvandalsxcb @neverland-fairies @silcntxnight @urluvlyfe @oppositesattraxt @theboys-oc @norselegends-cb @jinju-oc @fallenangels-cb @domxbot @moonlightchn @cyberpunkcollection @coffeexdreamcb @thetoplinecb @vandalsxcb @teyvatcb @lunaaofthemoon @oc-honeys @3rachabot @darkloversxcb @yandereskz @darkkingdomscb @johnnys-toes-cb @markshands-cb @domrachaa @soyeon-cb @lucky-charmsanhwa @livealittleoc-cb @reve-rv @evicted-oc @littleboywooyoungie @vampireskz @demonljy @welcome-to-maniac @shuhua-cb @theonesxcb @bpkhybrids-shelter @night-racers @firstkill-cb @fearlessxcb @fantasyaespa @minsour-r @redlight-cb @dreamtech-cb @chxithex @hearthstone-apothecary @elemental-dream @kimheebby

[xirayn]

AO3 first lines

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. If you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

Tagged by @rindecision

Like Biting Bats (Very Metal)🔞 Fandom: Stranger Things | Rating: Mature | Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

Eddie is not too proud to admit his singing isn't great. He can carry a tune, sure, but he doesn't have the control or confidence with his voice that he does with the guitar. He also has a tendency to get lost in playing and completely forget about vocals.  The rest of the band isn't much better. Gareth yells more than anything, Frankie is notoriously pitchy, and Jeff's voice doesn't work with the music they play.

A Blank Canvas Fandom: Stranger Things | Rating: Teen+ | Pairing: Will Byers/Dustin Henderson

The blank canvas was a lot scarier than Dustin expected. He held the paintbrush up as he had seen some artists do. It wasn't the secret key to inspiration he had been hoping for, so after a deep breath, he tried to just start. The result was a horizontal streak of green on a canvas that was still mostly blank, which wasn't an improvement.

Bûche de Noël Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: General | Pairing: Keith/Lance

Lance’s feet crunch in the snow as he runs. He reaches down to scoop up a handful to form into a ball. A quick turn has it sailing behind him. His aim is just slightly off so not only does he just miss his target, but trips himself up and lands with a soft ‘ploof’ in a snowbank. He can’t stop laughing as his pursuer looms over him and their shadow blocks out the sun.

Thankfully Yours Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: General | Pairing: Keith/Lance

It starts simply enough.

"Don't worry, Mijo, your father and I will just have a simple dinner. It will be nice. Quiet."

Just A Little Hocus Pocus Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Teen+ | Pairing: Keith/Lance

Keith is learning that the only thing he hates more than Salem, Massachusetts is Salem, Massachusetts on Halloween. Everyone is way too into it and speaking of ghosts and witches, particularly the Galras, like they are real. The long-dead family's decrepit house had even been turned into a museum. Keith swore a day didn't pass where people didn't bemoan the fact it was closed for 'the first Halloween in a hundred years'.

Such a Good Omega🔞 Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Explicit | Pairing: Keith/Lance

Keith was a wild animal restlessly pacing the confines of his skin; promised a release that was only teased at as Lance’s teeth and nails left every mark except for the one Keith wanted. He had accepted the nest Lance had made for him, was steeped in the spicy-sweet citrus of their combined scents, and was well into his heat. Every instinct said he should be claimed by now, but he was still stuck in a frustrating limbo.

Make Me Purr🔞 Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Explicit | Pairing: Matt Holt/Lance

Lance had gone over the text a thousand times.

Lance:  “So you want to make me purr?”

He had finally hit send and then immediately panicked. It was out there, though. He couldn’t take it back.

Hollow Point Smile Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Teen+ | Pairing: Keith/Lance

“Put your hands up and turn around,” a gravelly voice said from behind Lance, punctuated by the whine of a laser powering up. “Slowly.”

Such a Good Alpha🔞 Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Mature | Pairing: Keith/Lance

Keith’s pheromones were driving Lance insane, but despite what popular culture portrayed, there was no chance of him acting like some feral beast. At least, not unless Keith asked him too.

The Cookies Don't Lie Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender | Rating: Mature | Pairing: Hunk/Pidge

Lance had no idea where Hunk had gotten peanuts, but he had. He had then modified one of the food goo machines to process them into peanut butter. Now he was using that peanut butter to make cookies. Really, it was all pretty telling as far as Lance was concerned.

No Pressure tags @aibhlynn @jkrockin @maikaartwork @major-koalatea @atmilliways @ofthedirewolves

[nancypullen]

Leavin' On a Jet Plane

Only boomers are going to remember that song. Still, that's what I'm doing in the morning. My bag is packed, my comfy clothes are ready for a long day, and lucky, lucky me - I'm in a middle seat. You know I'll be beside the guy with this carry-on.

By this time tomorrow I'll be yukking it up with my sister and my mom, so it's worth it.

I'm as ready as I can be for Christmas, and just a couple of days after I get home it's going to start raining relatives around here. Matt is flying in on the 22nd, the Edgewater gang will drive over for a couple of days when he gets here, then they'll go home for Christmas Eve and Santa's arrival, coming back on the 26th for a big celebration with us. They'll have to go back to work on the 27th but will leave Little Miss with us until the weekend. It seems complicated and busy because it is. I may need a vacation when it's all over. But enough about holiday craziness. Let me share something that has been providing serenity and beloved quiet time. I haven't been able to touch it for a week or so because I've been so busy, but....

behold this old print that I picked up for a couple bucks.

It's nothing special, kind of corny, but it reminded me so much of the sweet spot where my Grandma and Grandpa Holtz lived. The flower covered arch, the picket fence, busy hens, the pretty little house with pasture behind it. I had to have it. Once I brought it home I started spreading paint around.

I changed most of the flowers to pink, painted the house pink, and roughed in a little figure on that bench. That's my Grandma Ethel. The second chance that I had to work on it I was able to deepen the flowers a bit and paint the window and door trim white (like Ethel's). I gave her a blue dress and an apron, she was always in an apron in my memories. I'll put some little wire glasses on her face and a hint of pink on her cheeks. I'll probably add some trim to that apron (roses?), and the white blob beside her will eventually become a patchwork quilt.

I don't love the yellow trees in the distance, I may turn them green or just change that all to sky. I'll need to add green to that tree hanging just over the arch as well. In my mind this is a summer day on the Holtz spread and that spread had huge shade trees, complete with tire swings and a hammock. Well, the hammock was more of a bed strung between two big trees, all of us kids could pile on. That pasture had sheep and chickens who were great friends for a little girl. For a time it held a pony too. There were berry patches that seemed to stretch forever. Sun-warmed raspberries are still my favorite. Can you see why I thought this spot was paradise? It was the sweetest and safest place in my childhood. This silly project isn't great art, but gosh, it makes me happy. And isn't that what we should be doing, seeking happiness? It doesn't have to be world-changing. We're bombarded with the message that whatever we do must be on a grand scale. Enjoy jogging? You have to do a marathon. Enjoy your hobby? You should turn it into an income-generating business. Enjoy reading? You must start a book club. You like cooking? Apparently you have to video everything you cook for a TikTok or Instagram reel so you can get "likes" from strangers. NOPE. I'm all about soaking up small pleasures. I find joy in quiet pursuits - dabbling with paint or getting lost in a book, making a pot of soup on a chilly day. Why take the joy out of things by making it a competition or seeking approval? Ugh. I'm well aware that maybe it's just me that feels this way. I'm also well aware that I'm rambling about something that you probably don't have much interest in. Oops. I'm going to get upstairs, have a lovely bath and get under the covers with a book. Which reminds me of another small joy - this book!

I admit that since our move I have been unsettled. I miss my sunsets and the deer. I miss the bird song and even the dang raccoons who raided the bird feeder at night. This book has helped center me again. Here's the Amazon link where you can read more, just click through:

I checked it out from the library, but I really need to own it. I could see myself going back to its pages again and again. Small joys. I'm off. Time to soak and then sleep. I'll take along my trusty lap top, but no promises that I'll post from Florida. I think I owe everyone an email (Francie, I love you!) so I'll try to catch up while I'm down there. Sending out lots of love tonight, and hoping that you're finding small joys sprinkled in your days (and if you do, savor them). Stay safe, stay well. XOXO,

Nancy

[misanthropic-bitch]

took family photos last weekend, we just got them back last night. I've been going through a shit ton of emotions, trying to figure out if I want to work this out or not.

well, on our way out the door to take these family pictures ray and I started fighting. to the point of me not wanting to do these pictures anymore and telling myself that things are never going to work.

when I was taking this exact picture, I looked at ray and felt just.....hurt, resentment for ruining the pictures that I wanted so bad, wondering if he wanted to ruin these pictures so he didn't have to be here. I felt I didn't want to be there, but I didn't want to cancel on the photographer, I wanted to have these moments of the girls and I knew I would regret it if I cancelled.

everytime I feel I'm going to get through the fact that he has talked to other people sexually, that he has asked for and recieved nudes from people who are and aren't strangers, that he has paid for nudes, obsessed on porn and fetish websites, that's he's hid so much from me. for at least 7 months.

I don't want it to take me 7 months to figure out I don't want to be with him. I don't want to still be sad and hurt and questioning our relationship for the next 4 months. I have been honest with him about these feelings, and he expresses his understanding and questions if I want to be with him too. he tells me that I am different, colder towards him and that's totally accurate. I can't love him carelessly like I used to, because this isn't the first time, its not even the 4th time, so I know I'm likely to get hurt again. as much as I know I'm going to get hurt again because I'm easily hurt and I am very aware of that. i just don't know if I want it to be by Ray again.

he's been a great father to both of my girls, and I know it's a reason I keep going with him. I know I would have to go back to work full time if I leave him. both he and I would be crushed and I would have given him an actual chance for no reason.

love is the most insane thing humans put themselves through and I didn't want to love anyone but riley 2.5 years ago because it was a safe choice and because I loved Matt so much I changed so much about me. I didn't want to do give Ray a chance because I knew he wasn't a serious person and I don't like to waste time. now I am a mother of two beautiful girls and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I don't know what the right choice is, I just know time will change everything and I don't want to live in limbo forever.

#personaljournal