#Maybe next year I'll try to make an Etsy shop or something

[hauntedtotem]

the only thing stopping me from selling keychains and standees is that I have no idea how to ship things

[aluminumneedles]

The Great Knitted Christmas Gifts Bonanza of 2024

(Working title)

Besties and beloved mutuals, welcome to the chaos.

This will be wacky. Zany. Incredibly boring at times and possibly excessively dramatic for no reason at all except my (and hopefully your) amusement. We will laugh! I will cry! We will perhaps commiserate over things and also I will aggravate my carpal tunnel! I will ask for advice on things I don't know how to do! I will make polls because audience participation is enrichment for me! Good shit good shit let's get started

At the time of writing it is September 18, 2024, also known as 98 days before Christmas Eve, which will heretofore be known as The Deadline™️. I have, at present, four family members for whom I am making gifts. Now you may be thinking "Kay, that's only four people. That does not warrant a big post." But I'm making one anyway so here we goooo

PERSON #1

Mom. I already decided on my mom's gift, she's getting a shawl. It's my first shawl and I'm kinda geeked about it. It's the Cosmos Textured Knit Wrap from Mama in a Stitch

(photo taken from Mama in a Stitch's website I hope that's ok??)

Yarn is Red Heart worsted weight acrylic in Royal. Now here's the situation: I haven't made a wearable with acrylic yarn in awhile and I wasn't a huge fan of how it felt last time. But I know people do it literally every day, so: when the time comes I will be soliciting advice on how to make it soft and comfy. Plus I hate blocking and I'm gonna have to block this so yay growth!!

PERSON #2

My sister. Adorable, likes a pastel, super long hair, so I was thinking...scrunchies? And then I was thinking scrunchies are not necessarily on the level of gift I was aiming for so I thought...scrunchies + matching leg warmers (babydoll goes to the gym sometimes so i thought it would be cute)? And then. AND THEN. Was scrolling Pinterest instead of sleeping and I found these!!!

Now there are pros and cons

Pros:

I have been wanting to knit lace

I have been wanting to knit socks

Cons:

I have no experience knitting lace or socks

Oh well f*ck it we ball! Will still try to match the scrunchies to the socks. Send thoughts/prayers/advice/yarn recs, because idk what I am doingggg

PERSON #3

My brother. So, at the first of the year I started knitting a blanket kind of just because--I really liked the pattern and I wanted the feeling of starting something new in the new year. In April I decided it would be a gift for my boyfriend at the time, in May it became too hot to knit with wool, and in July the relationship ended. My brother has expressed interest in a blanket from the same pattern and has offered to take this one off my hands. I'm about 3/4 of the way done. Should be an easy gift, right? Maybe I'll throw in a matching pillow?

However, I once promised to make him this sweater:

(image snagged from the MomentsinTwine Etsy shop)

I bought the pattern, I bought the yarn, and I never delivered. (I started it and frogged it twice because my gauge was so so off.)

So uhhh PLEASE do the poll I need help deciding. Yarn would probably be a golden yellow wool blend, because that is the color he wanted 3 years ago and if I ask for an updated color choice he'll know what I'm working on 😭

PERSON #4

My dad.

Y'all.

I have no idea what to do for this man. He is a very classic "I don't want anything" person, and I am a classic "Must. Give. Gift." person. So already, times are tough!! What am I supposed to knit this man???

So I was thinking slippers-- I found a pattern for Woodland Loafers on Ravelry (pattern by Claire Slade) and I thought they were adorable. But then I was thinking why not make a whole, like, cozy care package? So I thought slippers, mug rug + mug cozy, maybe something else? He likes music, he likes to relax and watch his lil shows, he likes M*rvel?? Open to so many suggestions babes.

So...yeah. That's the show. I'll update as I go along, and if you're ever curious about how things are going or want to bully me about not making progress, please nudge me!! Sorry this was so long okay bye

[cptnbvcks]

Hi! Hope you are doing well ✨️ i just found your fic the nature of living things, and i wanted to say how amazing it is. Youre a really good writer! Do you still write? I see its not updated for a while. Wish you a good week💕

ah thank you sm for enjoying it!!!

i'd love to get back to writing – this past year or so has been a fuckin' rodeo admittedly and i feel like, just like so many, stuff has been kinda rough and writing has sorta fallen to the wayside a little bit ☹️

personally, i've been dealing with my own lil mental and physical health stuff alongside two job layoffs in less than a year but I'm trying to return back to stuff that made me happy and maybe that might include writing! though i'm not sure if it'll be for the mandalorian fandom or something else (i've been really enjoying the ACOTAR series by sarah j maas hehehe) but hopefully one day i'll exercise my writing chops again!

i did also recently start up an etsy shop for the rug making i took up during quarantine, if anyone wants to check that out! (etsy's running a sale rn so you can save $10 on anything in my shop, and use my lil discount code BESTIES15 and it'll give you an additional 15% off!!!) 🥹

i'll be adding some stickers there next including a few designs i did for ACOTAR (ill have to get them licensed tho!) but anyway ksjldhaf that was a long response but that's what i've been up to while i take a lil break from writing!!! thank you so much for your kind words, truly, you're wonderful and lovely for sharing such a lovely little sentiment mwah kiss on your forehead from me 2 u

[natolesims]

SIMS TAG

@memoirsofasim tagged me ages ago! Thank you so much :')) I'll tag @reality-refuge @pink-chevalier @lizillasimming @rillabrooke @pixel-bloom @falsetochild and @queeniecook! Feel free to ignore, you know ittt

What’s your favourite sims death? 

Drowning. It's classic ;)

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Maxis match! I do like how cool alpha looks on renders and CAS edits, but since I'm an avid player I have a hard time looking at super realistic stuff in the rest of the mm world features and sims.

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? 

Nah. If I picture them being worried about their image/health, I try to make them lose weight or become fit with in-game features (mods included).

Do you use move objects? 

Yup!

Favorite mod?

UI cheats!

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? 

Seasons

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? 

Like the second one, hehe.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? 

Most of my story sims have a special spot in my wrinkly heart because I play with them so often and I become attached, but some of my special favourites are Yellow, Grumpy, Wes, Maleficent (still not seen), Annie and Plum.

Have you made a simself? 

Yup, but I've never really played with it. I don't know, not my thing I guess.

What sim traits do you give yourself? 

Paranoid (I'm always worrying about my entire existence), glutton, clumsy, creative, loves outdoors, loves animals, socially awkward.

Which is your favorite EA hair color? Brown, tbh.

Favorite EA hair? 

The short bob that was recently added in a sims delivery! The one with it's roots dyed.

Favorite life stage? 

Toddlerhood (?). They're soft and squishy and cute and-

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? I actually enjoy both a lot! I'm not a great builder, but since I learnt a thing or two I'm more than happy to make builds/houses that fit my gameplay better!

Are you a CC creator?

Uuuhhh I've done a few conversions, poses and recolors, but no. I consider fully myself a storyteller

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? 

I've never been a friend squad kind of person but I do have some mutuals I consider as friends!

What’s your favorite game? 

TS4 (please don't shoot me)

Do you have any sims merch?

Ño, but I'm opening a crochet ETSY shop soon and I plan to make some, huehuehue

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Nooo, I'm shy. Maybe I'll give it a try as soon as I move out on my own.

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I think I kind of managed to beat the same face syndrome most of my sims had the first years I played the game (I didn't join simblr then), and I definitely found a pair of skins and details that I use consistenly on my simmies, so they look less wonky. Since I also embraced MM CC and vanilla items, most of them look more in sync with the game visuals.

What’s your Origin ID?

Rubispinus

Who’s your favorite CC creator? 

Pyxis, simmandy, sentate, and littlebowbub. Of course there are tons more, but they are the first in line and I hoard everything they create, hehe.

How long have you had a simblr? 

Since late 2020 

How do you edit your pictures? 

My GShade preset does almost all the work, honestly. For story posts, I plop the pics in a PS template I made and add the captions, and for the gameplay posts I also have another templates that fit my other format. I add some text, stickers or overlays, run topaz clean and boom. I use ezgif.com for the gifs :D

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? 

Something medieval or pirate related, or some other occults like fairies and zombies. Honestly I'll take anything that'll add gameplay features. (I would also like a pack refresh for the mermaids, they suuuuck)

What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? 

It's a tie between jungle adventure and paranormal stuff!

[kari-a-la-tari]

Bonjooour y'all!

Holy lord I haven't touched this account in an actual year

Anywhosole umm heyooo to all my fellow mutuals who may still remember me heheh. Kari a la kreme here! Sorry for making my leaving so unannounced. I was originally falling behind in my studies last time I was here so I ended up leaving the fandom for a whiiiiiiile.

HOWEVER, I AM NOW A BACK BABY LETS GOOOOO

I can't guarantee anything or how long/active I'll be in the fandom, but I'll likely keep working on developing my lovely collection of WordGirl pocky dolls, they make me so happy ❤️💛💙

Speaking of dolls,

Maybe once it starts to cool down in terms of my studies (probably spring maybe), I'm thinking (THINKING) of potentially setting up something like an etsy shop where y'all could buy these dolls! I'd make a whole commercial and everything lmao. BUT ANYWAYS if I see if there's enough interest I might try to set up something hehe so lemme know y'alls thoughts!! Maybe I'd even do a survey to gather interests or something I dunno.

I'll continue this next part in a separate reblog, but I'll also be using a different account! I'll still keep this up cause of my glorious memes that I've made lol.

EDIT: I'm an idiot and forgot to tag said alt akfdskjfh, it's @taritangi

[pipertransgirl]

First Steps...

Hey hey, I'm Piper and I've just started my journey transitioning from the androgen soaked male impostor I've been playing for the past 40ish years to the soon to be uncloseted femme that's been living inside me for all these decades. The last few years I've been feeling like she is ripping through my chest most days, impostor syndrome is very much alive and well.

I've decided to start a journal to not only share my personal experience transitioning, but also to keep track of what I hope will be positive progress both physically and mentally. Soooo, in the spirit of sharing I'll be taking measurements, sharing my mental journey, and probably also venting a little bit. As much as I'd like to share facial changes I'm very much aware of the dangers of doing so... Well, that and I suffer from debilitating dysphoria when it comes to my face... Maybe that's something that will change as I progress, maybe it won't.

CURRENT STATE OF BEING:

Right now I'm on the cusp of starting HRT, just about to have my final blood tests before my dr can prescribe me hormones. I'll be starting with Estradiol Gel and Cyproterone Acetate with 3 monthly checkups to re-evaluate my general health and hormone levels. Results might be something worth sharing if it helps someone...

I've been suffering with increasingly debilitating dysphoria for the better part of 30 years. At first it was tolerable, however it's gotten to the point where I basically never leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary (food shopping etc). I've suffered panic attacks and chronic anxiety for maybe the last 10 years, though I've been getting that under control with both meditation and a supplement regime including things like Ashwagandha and L-Theanine. Definitely something I'd like to talk more about at some point, it's helped me tremendously and may help someone else.

Right now I'm at the point of "if this doesn't work out I can always check out from life, but if I don't do something now, then I might aswell just get it over with". I am literally done with life if my current state of being is how it's going to be. I have a therapist, and am working on my mental state and personal existential crisis. I don't know if this is going to turn out well, just know that I need to do something, because pretending I don't exist hasn't worked despite me trying several approaches including drugs, psychotherapy, self denial, stoicism and many others.

NEXT STEPS:

Blood tests next week, hopefully all is well and I can start HRT immediately (pending step 2), fingers and toes crossed!

I have to quit smoking after some 30 years of habitual use despite working in cancer research for the last 15 years. Yep, my life is a literal paradox in more ways than one! Got any tips??

I have recently quit my job due to dysphoria becoming so debilitating, so I'm starting up my own Etsy Store making trans orientated clothing as I love designing garments and sewing. Getting myself a space setup to work is important as I have limited funds to survive without income, so that's defo on the todo list!

Better get A into G huh! Happy Friday all xo

[resinatingbeauty]

A 'Witch Shop' Owner's Plea Before Casting That Love Spell

I don't personally offer many spell kits, mojo bags, etc. In my shop and avoid selling my 'Craft', as in, I don't advertise or list spell casting among my offerings, though I have had a couple of customers specifically ask if I could perform a spell I offered as a kit on their behalf for whatever reason. This is because I personally believe that the journey is just as important as the destination in witchcraft and many of the spell kits / spells I do offer are designed in such a way to soothe, relax, release, and heal throughout the process. Honestly, in addition, I really don't want the responsibility associated with performing magick on someone else's behalf for many reasons. The strength of my intent is not going to be as strong as yours, for example. Even if I effectively channel your energy, creating that personal connection between the beneficiary and the intent or purpose of the spell work is incredibly difficult at a distance. I'm always wary of other shops advertising this type of service- the sad truth of the matter is our little niche has been permeated by scammers, con artists, and frauds looking to take advantage of anyone looking for a solution to whatever it is that has them at this low point in life. I will tell you, more often than not it's love spells that the customer is after, and they are apt to find many options on Etsy, the platform I primarily do business on, and beyond.

I distinctly think of one potential customer who had contacted me one night obviously very upset. My heart went out to her immediately - I could just tell by what she was saying and how quickly she responded to me that she was in a state of panic and extreme emotional distress. She isn't the only one, but she stands out from the others as her desire to win back her ex lover was so strong it was evident that she would do anything and (potentially) pay anything for a chance to get things back to the way they were in her love life.

I am a human being. I have been given this amazing opportunity to pursue my passion to share my creations and spiritual / metaphysical knowledge with the world through my work. I understood a long time ago that this also meant I had a responsibility to do my best to help those in need and never knowingly harm, much like a doctor commuting to the Hippocratic oath. This may make me a flat out horrible business woman, but I would rather not sell someone on something I don't believe is going to help their situation. In fact, love spells usually make things worse. I'll get to that momentarily.

"Is there a spell to make her see what she has done wrong and to make her love and want me again?"

I allowed this customer to explain to me the situation and took the time to hear her out after telling her that I'm sure that she could find something like that elsewhere and someone else willing to sell her a spell kit or cast that spell, but I urged her to take a deep breath and talk to me before she did something that she would regret.

Thankfully, she spent the next hour or so explaining her situation and elaborating on everything that has happened in her relationship. It was one of those on again / off again things that so many of us get trapped in. Understandable, considering once you establish that strong bond of love, whether one sided or not, it's incredibly hard to cut that cord and move on especially if you're so emotionally invested (and maybe even financially invested) in this other individual who has had your heart for so long you can't imagine giving it to anyone else.

This PSA goes out to the broken hearted of all walks, as this is a universal experience for anyone who has been in love. There may not be someone to stop you from pursuing what you think will fix everything as I did for her, but I'm hoping if you read this, you'll think twice about acquiring and performing love spells or any magick in hopes that it will provide a quick fix to any situation.

•Beware the Opportunistic Con / Scam

Our field is flooded with scammers, con artists, and frauds that exclusively cater to those in this sweet girl's position and anyone who is vulnerable due to emotional distress or panic. Whether you need a love spell like she did to win back her ex or a quick fix to get more money in the bank or what have you, beware those that have used spiritual advisory and witchcraft as a means to peddle you their high priced garbaged. This is a tough one, as you may have a hard time deciphering what is 'legit' and what isn't, but there are some signs and facts you can look for when browsing these shops / websites.

-They promise / guarantee results within a specific or unrealistic time frame

Magick takes time to manifest and the true story is that nobody has a 100% satisfaction guaranteed spell book. More often than not, when spells come to fruition, it often isn't quite the way you would expect it to, either. Anyone promising a quick fix to anything is most likely just trying to take advantage of you when you are vulnerable and you better believe there will be no money back guarantee if said garbage doesn't work for you. OR, they like to do one of these:

-"Oh, your situation is worse than I thought. You're going to need this and this, with a huge $$$$ price tag."

This starts a never ending cycle of you pouring money into this scammer who will make you believe that it is necessary to do so. That maybe if you did throw them an extra $500 for their thingamajig that you will get what you want. This is only the beginning, as when THAT doesn't do it for you the way you would like, they will claim some other interference, maybe you're cursed or under psychic attack, and need something else even more expensive and elaborate to take care of that before you can even get to what you went to them for in the first place. Anytime someone proposes this type of thing, stop while you're ahead and don't provide them with a guaranteed cash flow that you aren't benefitting from at all. Also, be wary of ANY seller who makes outrageous claims- overnight changes, curing cancer, etc. Are unrealistic expectations.

•Understand What You Truly Need

Maybe it's time to consider an alternative path. The customer I spoke about DID ultimately purchase a tarot spread, which I was much more inclined to do for her than some love spell to win back this girl who has repeatedly broken her heart over the past few years and obviously got a kick out of it, the way she told it, as it was ALWAYS her doing the breaking up and blocking, starting all the drama. I told her I would much rather give her a spell to find her twin flame / soul mate than to win this person back who has perpetually been hurting her and taking advantage of her kindness.

Sometimes it's time to cut the cord before more damage is done. I understand it isn't easy to move on from someone you have loved and cultivated a relationship with over a long period of time, regardless of the negative energy that has invaded the relationship, we DO tend to focus on the positives, which leaves us a bit biased and blind to what we could have and deserve to have.

Take a moment if you are in a relationship situation like this, are beginning to question your current relationship, or are considering taking the next step in any relationship. Sit down with a pen and paper. On one side of the paper, write down all the things you love about that person. All the ways you think they have been the light in your life (be honest and give credit where credit is due!). Now on the other side, list the negatives or cons in your relationship. If one list is noticeably longer than the other, depending on which side it is, it may be time to consider breaking it off, giving things another shot, or taking things to the next level. Ask yourself;

-Do they support me in what I do, even if they don't understand or necessarily agree with it? (So long as it is something healthy -obviously if they're supportive of a bad habit or detrimental behavior, this is more like enabling and not a good thing)

-Do they have my best interests at heart more often than not?

-Do they show that they care? Even in the smallest of ways?

-Could I call them my "best friend?" Am I honest with them?

-Are they honest with me?

-Do they lift me up more than they put me down?

-Do you want the same things in life / have similar priorities?

-Is our relationship valuable to them the same way it is to me?

•LOVE SPELLS NEVER WORK THE WAY YOU WANT

This is the cold hard truth about love spells. Forget the warnings in movies and books, as it is hard to believe them or even take them as a legitimate warning when you haven't had the displeasure of experiencing what a love spell can do for yourself. I have, so you don't have to. This is MY story:

Of course love spells are very appealing when you're a young and naive teenager. I had a strong crush on this guy I had low key been stalking since middle school. I don't know why I liked him so much. Part of it I'm sure was the way he looked (hey, I'm being totally honest!) And how he came across to me. We had absolutely no interaction with each other outside of passing each other in the hallway. He had no idea who I was.

I had just borrowed a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's 'Teen Witch' (which is honestly a fantastic book for teens and young adults just starting to delve into Wiccan practices, which she follows exclusively) from a friend of mine and thought I would try the super simple love spell in the book figuring I had nothing to lose. All it consisted of was focusing on the subject, your intentions, writing their name on a piece of paper, folding it up and placing it under your pillow. I would sleep on that paper for months. I was in middle school just about to go into my freshman year of high school when I performed the spell and would forget about it up until the day it worked, a few months into my freshman year of highschool, when my crush was in the graduating class of that year- literally my last chance to make an impression.

I had gone to a local band's concert that was performing at the school's auditorium one day after classes and was just about to leave when my crush randomly approached me and started talking to me. It was like the whole world just stopped right there. I couldn't believe it. The thought of that spell crossed my mind briefly as we exchanged phone numbers.

Over time and getting to know him, he admittedly wasn't exactly my type. He was still someone whose friendship I valued, but not someone I could really put any effort into dating. About the time I realized this, his personality took a complete 180° turn for the worst. He was stalking me. Blowing up my cell phone (which was a prepaid piece of junk at that time I really couldn't talk on for more than a minute without paying a fortune), so much so one evening when I was at Jukido Jujitsu practice that I came home to something like 32 missed calls and 17 voicemails from him, each one showing gradual frustration and anger. This scared me. I knew I had to confront him about it and break this off before it got worse.

I caught him in a populated area of the school the next day before homeroom- more like he came up to me out of nowhere like he knew I would be passing through that part of the school that day- and I confronted him about the calls,attempting to gently explain to him that I wasn't interested in a relationship and I would like to continue being friends. He blew up at me and threw me against the brick wall of the school, trying to kiss and touch me in front of every single person that walked by. I wish I was making this up.

Thankfully a teacher came and pulled him off. Nothing much else was done. I did my best to avoid him and cut him out of my life entirely from that point on.

I don't know if it was the love spell or if this would have occurred anyways. All I knew was that what had been originally a very sweet, big hearted guy that was soft spoken with low self esteem became a monster in a matter of weeks. The take away from this and what I have personally seen with other's experiences with love spells is that they tend to bring out the worst characteristics of the person they are cast on and you have to be really careful what you are actually asking for when thinking about 'desire' and 'passion.' This intent can quickly lead to stalking, obsession, and not in a good way. Another customer of mine who originally came to me for my Forgiveness Spell Kit and had the desired results also, unbeknownst to me, had someone else perform a love and desire spell in addition to it. The guy that she was reverted into an obsessed jerk who decided to spread rumors about her on social media and beyond, blocked her on all platforms, and would get her friends involved in his quest to make her life miserable. Her story reflects and embodies so many I have heard over the years from others who have dabbled in such spells. When they work, it's just never quite what you had in mind.

So if you came to this blog post in search of a love spell for your personal situation or came across it when you have maybe considered one in the past or know someone who has, please take a deep breath, consider your options, and don't do anything that you may regret down the line. Remember that you are deserving of all the love, respect, support, and happiness one could give another. Do not settle on someone who offers you less and expects more, no matter how much you have invested in them, no matter how many years you have spent with them, as they do not appreciate you for the amazing person you are. I can promise you, however, given some time to heal, you WILL find someone who does.

-Samantha

(Owner /Chaos Witch/Designer)

Blursedbaubles.etsy.com

[thecrackedbead]

Etsy store OPENS NEXT Sunday... or 'Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. *Fuck it.*I'll definitely do it next week.'

I have an official announcement to make on the status of my shop:

The Cracked Bead will be open at Etsy with merchandise by this Sunday, January 23, 2022.

So, I planned to have merchandise on my Etsy store up and running a while back but was unsatisfied with how much stuff that I have ready to sell and thus put it off. The *natural* response to this realisation is to hunker down and start producing things in bulk.

Uhm, yeah. 'Natural'. I'll totally did that. Yep, I was on it. I totally planned to that the next day. Shame that I psyched myself into that mindset... two... thirty... or more times. So, I had a bit of a problem there.

---

This is totally not me. I have no clue why I added this... In fact, I didn't add this! It totally just popped up in my post for no reason and I was extremely confused by it.

---

The reality is I have a massive bit of a problem when it comes to procrastinating. I have a long history of coming up with ideas and failing to follow through. Not because I didn't genuinely want to do those things but for other reasons. Now, what reasons are these? Time to play therapist with myself, I guess.

Reasons why @thecrackedbead keeps on putting off getting her shop going:

I can be extremely distractab--- Ooooh shiny!

I am not fully confident in the quality of my work and am worried that it won't be worth buying.

Care waaaaaay too much about what people think about me. Seriously, for all that people say that you should not care what others think about you, this is only partially true. Caring about what others think is a major reason we are not dicks to each other or run red lights, etc. The trick is not caring too much and I suck at that balancing act, and on my worse days the that desire can be like a black hole. Logically, the jewelry that I make are not technically me, but a part of myself goes into them. So if people don't buy my jewelry, I feel like they are rejecting me.

Fear of failure.

Expanding on #1: even when I have sat done to work on a project, I often by a new idea.

Other commitments. <- Self explanatory.

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON THAT I CAN THINK OF BUT IT STILL SCREWS ME UP!!!!

So how to tackle all of this?

No clear idea. However, getting some product finished is better than none.

My worries as to quality are definitely overblown. I have jewelry that I have made for myself and others that I made years ago and has held up to things like being put in the washing machine multiple times. If something I make breaks or the purchaser doesn't like, they can of course return it.

Yes, I don't feel like my work is that nice at times, but I know that family and friends and at times complete strangers have complimented my work. Just because the stuff I produce doesn't automatically sell does not reflect whether or not it is likeable.

See 3.

Maybe only put out the things that I need for what I am currently making? Maybe have a notebook to draw in nearby for any ideas that come up?

Therapy. Confidence exercises. Meds. Etc. Unfortunately there no miracle cures or guarantees.

---

I maaaaaybe recognize a bit of myself in this.

---

But overall...

JUST LAUNCH THE FUCKING BLESSED STORE

I definitely do have some merchandise ready to sell. I can worry and stress until I am blue in the face, but I'd regret never trying and if I never try, I will never succeed in anything in life. Thus, I picked a date and I am going for it. To quote Brandon Sanderson's excellent Stormlight Chronicles:

The longer you live, the more you fail. Failure is the mark of a life well lived. In turn, the only way to live without failure is to be of no use to anyone.

I suppose that 'anyone' includes me.