#Michael is a f genius

[wilbury-sam]

I was very frustrated because I have to play and sing Day Tripper at school tomorrow, And somehow I remembered that ELO has a cover and Michael d'Albuquerque sings and plays, so I went to see how the hell he does it and I discovered that he simplified the bass line, so now he have saved my life and he'll never know

[ladyseidr]

i love how deeply serious henry's (currently extremely wip) pin section for charlie is VS the fact that, for the longest time, the only thing on charlie's section for henry was:

[aemondsbabe]

Stick it Out to the End

summary: michael is desperate to get into oxford's prestigious bullingdon club; unfortunately for him, they command him to do the impossible to gain admittance

pairing: michael gavey x bimbo!reader

warnings: mature/explicit, 18+ (minors dni!), no use of y/n, afab reader, bimbo reader, mentions of hazing but nothing horrible/extreme, virgin!michael, breast/nipple play, praise kink, piv sex, protected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), oral sex (f receiving), consensual filming, dirty talk, cursing, what i hope is saltburn-esque humor, mild size kink, mild angst but happy ending, let me know if i missed anything!

word count: 12.7k

a/n: images in the header are for aesthetic purposes only & are not used to describe the reader! she's back and she's long as hell but what else is new!!! this is my first time writing bimbo!reader and while she wasn't super bimbo-y, it was fun getting my feet wet! hope y'all enjoy!

likes, comments, & reblogs are very appreciated but never required!

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Michael

Michael couldn’t help but feel his heart speed up in his chest as he wound through the quiet corridors clutching tightly to the cryptic note he’d found stuffed in his pigeonhole that morning – just a page torn out of a standard notebook covered hastily written red ink; wholly un-intimidating as far as cryptic notes were concerned. Really, he was surprised to see they didn’t put more effort in; with as secretive and imperious as this little club was, he had been expecting some sort of extravagant stationary, perhaps even some gold embossing. 

Coming to a stop in front of an unassuming janitor’s closet door, he narrows his eyes behind the gold frames of his glasses, staring at the door with a nearly accusatorial expression. Michael swivels his head once more, his brows furrowed as he checks and re-checks every door in the vicinity before turning back to the one he stands before. Scoffing, he unfolds the note with a little irritated sigh and quickly scans the page again, mouthing the words to himself for the millionth time that day. 

The riddle had been easy enough to figure out, some trivial little lines about dead men walking, the mob, finding God, and looking to one’s heart pointed right toward some hush hush basement beneath the Merton College Chapel. That, and it didn’t take a genius to see that each line consisted of a specific number of words, pointing him right to the very door he stood in front of now – 129. 

Fucking amateurs, he’d thought after cracking the code in under half an hour. But that was earlier. And now, as he stares at the stupid dull grey janitor’s closet door in front of him, Michael can’t stop the little tendrils of doubt from creeping into his periphery. He’s sure this is the right door and positive this is the right place and yet… janitor’s closet. He checks his watch, 11:50 PM on the dot, and glances up and down the dark, shadowy corridors once more, half expecting one of the twatty rich assholes to jump out and start snickering at him, making fun of him for thinking that a no one like him would’ve ever received an invite to a club like this. 

Shaking his head, he reaches for the doorknob anyway, he’s come this far so he may as well. He freezes a little when it actually turns and his blue eyes go wide when he pushes the door open, shivering a little as he’s met with a wall of cool, dank air – eau de basement, just as he’d expected. A little actually impressed sigh passes his lips when he pokes his head in, an apprehensive smile blooming on his lips as he takes in the eerie red lighting spilling up the stairwell from the God-knows-what downstairs. 

He winces as the door squeaks when he tugs it open but he doesn’t stop, emboldened now as he knows he had been right once again. He takes the stairs quickly, probably too quickly given that he hasn’t a fucking clue what or who could be down here, but before he can dwell on the idea too much, he’s faced with another corridor. This one, unlike the ones upstairs, is narrow and brick-lined and leads in only one direction, straight to another closed door at the other end. 

Michael squints against the bright red light coming from a spotlight that had been haphazardly set up on the stone floor and walks down the hallway, his steps speeding up as he hears the janitor’s door above him open and close once more. His breath hitches a little as he opens the second door and quickly steps inside, like ripping off a band-aid. 

He freezes once more when a strong hand latches onto his shoulder and quickly jerks him further into the room, making him yelp as he stumbles, trying to keep pace with whoever the hell is leading him. 

“What the –”

Before he has time to so much as blink, his back thuds against a brick wall and finally he looks up, the vicious scowl he’d prepared morphing into a look of disturbed confusion as he eyes a row of other students, about fifteen and all men from the looks of it, dawned with black –

Oh, Christ, are those ski masks? He thinks as he eyes them up and down, How fucking banal… at least it’s not hooded cloaks. He nearly rolls his eyes as he scans the rest of the room, taking in the dim lighting interspersed with blues and greens from more of those stupid party boy spotlights. Glancing to the side, he sees another boy in his year, some guy he only knew from a few classes and passing glances in the hallways, but even still he’s comforted to not be alone down here, no matter how cliché this whole affair seemed. 

His blue eyes snap forward as the door, the only door, to the room is opened once more and some other poor sap is hastily dragged across the room, only to be smacked on the wall to his left. Again, it’s just some other boy Michael knows from classes, though he doesn’t know why he expects any different – it’s not as if he knows many people outside of the forced proximity of a lecture hall. Which was really his only reason for putting up with this bother, for seeking it out in the first place; a quick flash of him placing a tightly folded up sticky note with his name and pigeonhole number in an old, beaten up copy of King Lear in the library played in his mind – the price he seemed to pay for loneliness. 

Distantly, the bells of the chapel began to chime, signaling the hour. Once, twice, and eventually twelve times – midnight. Time to start the show, Michael surmises. 

“Welcome, initiates,” one of the hooded men says in a tone that makes Michael glare judgmentally, his voice pitched down like some idiotic knock-off Darth Vader. He steps forward from the row they stand in and holds his arms out open at his sides, “Consider this your first foray into the Bullingdon Club.”

Again, he has to bite the inside of his cheek to hold in a scoff. This was all just so… juvenile? He was beginning to sincerely doubt that this was the über clandestine club that granted its members all sorts of connections to various businesses, societies, and insider information that even the richest of the rich couldn’t buy. 

Unfortunately, his face seemed to betray more of his emotions than he intended and the masked boy steps forward once more, his dark eyes zeroing in on Michael. 

“You,” he says gruffly, pointing a finger in his direction, “Something you wanna say, initiate?”

Out of habit, he pushed his glasses up on his nose before he spoke, perhaps foolishly bold given the situation. 

“Doesn’t this all seem a bit much for three people?” He scoffs, shaking his head slightly, “I mean, masks, really?”

The hooded boy stops for a second and studies Michael closely, one hand on his hip, “What’s wrong with the masks?”

“Well, what’s the point? There’s, what, fifteen or sixteen of you? And three of us?” He asks, glancing around the room, which he now realized very clearly used to be some run-of-the-mill storage room, probably forgotten about by now.

The boy laughs sarcastically and shrugs his shoulders a bit, his voice back to its natural pitch, “It wouldn’t really be a secret thing if we just invited half the student body, mate.”

Michael supposes his reasoning is sound and says as much with a little hum and nod of his head, eyebrows raising dismissively. 

“Anything else?” The masked boy asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

“The masks don’t really disguise you lot that well,” he observes, pointing at one of the other boys standing in the row, “That’s Harry from Multivariable Calculus.”

“Shit…” Harry mutters under his breath, the sound carrying through the concrete room. A few of the other boys in the row lean over and place comforting hands on his shoulders and murmur words of encouragement, much to Michael’s dismay.

“Why’re you here, initiate?” The lead boy asks, turning back to Michael.

“Dunno,” he shrugs again, pushing his glasses up his nose, “Friends, I guess.”

A couple of the boys in the row make little noises, mutters of empathy that make the blond’s eyebrows furrow together in confusion as he glances up and down the line. 

“And this was your first thought? A secret society?” Harry from Multivariable Calculus asks with a little laugh, “Not like… chess or something?” 

“Don’t really like chess…” Michael says with a little shrug. Apparently a good enough answer for Harry, who makes a little noise of understanding and nods his head. 

After another moment, the lead boy clears his throat, which shuts up the rest. “Anyway,” he says, his voice falsely low once more. “Each of you will be given a task…,” his dark eyes glance between Michael and the other two boys as he paces in front of them, “Perfectly customized to challenge you, to push you to your absolute limits.” 

The masked boy pauses his little speech and gestures back to three of the other boys standing in the row behind him who then step forward and walk over to the dank brick wall that Michael and the other two boys stand against. He studies the boy that walks towards him carefully, his eyes narrowing in suspicion when he notices how much shorter he appears to be.

Finally, the boy comes to stand before him and presents a plain white envelope, though Michael’s lips spread into a hateful smirk when he sees an all too familiar pair of old, beat up trainers on the boy’s feet. 

“Oliver?!” He hisses meanly, shock lacing his voice as he jerks back the hand he had reached out for the envelope, wincing as his elbow collides with the cool wall behind him. He glances around the room, noting the few pairs of eyes that were on him, before fixing his gaze on the boy before him once more with a harsh glare, “You’re in Bullingdon?”

The boy in front of him hesitates for a second, cutting a sideways glance toward a taller boy that was busy presenting an envelope to the boy to Michael’s left, before he sighs and looks back at him, blue eyes peeking out of the holes in his ski mask. “Yeah,” he huffs, shrugging his shoulders defensively, “How’d you know it was me, then?”

“You look like a goddamn twelve year old!” Michael jeers, his voice low and vicious as his hands curl into fists at his sides, “How’d you manage to get into this club anyway?” He questions, seething, “They only let you in if you have the money or the marks and I know for a fucking fact you don’t have either.”

Oliver sighs again and rolls his eyes, which makes him see red and grit his teeth, although he doesn’t miss how the shorter boy’s eyes cut to the side again quickly. He opens his mouth, but before he can get a word in edgewise, the blond cuts him off with a little mocking laugh.

“Don’t tell me that’s fucking Catton,” Michael groans lowly with a shake of his head, breathing heavily as he feels the same sense of anger and betrayal he’d felt all those months ago well up in him once more, transporting him right back to the stupid damn pub, “You’ve got to be bloody kidding me, is this shite little club only full of cunts?”

“Look, I’m –” 

Oliver starts to speak again, only to be cut off when the head boy traipses over to where they are, coming to stand ominously behind him with his arms clasped behind his back. His dark eyes dart between the two boys before he speaks.

“Problem over here, lads?”

“No,” Oliver answers quickly, staring warily up at Michael as he practically shoves the envelope into his arms, “Just complete the task, initiate. You have thirty-six hours.” 

Before Michael can blink, Oliver turns his back and stalks back over to the other boys, taking his place in the row once more. The head boy looks Michael up and down appraisingly before nodding to the letter in his hands with a sly smirk.

“I can’t wait to see how you fare with that one, Gavey,” he says, his voice low and threatening, as if he’s in on the most delicious joke, “Remember, thirty-six hours, initiate.” He chuckles softly and departs, returning to stand in the center of the room. 

Everyone stands still for a moment, Michael and the other two boys to his left and right holding their respective envelopes nervously, unsure if they were supposed to open them now or not. Thankfully, the head boy clears his throat, commanding all eyes to him once again.

“Initiates,” he says slowly, his voice no doubt already hoarse from this little farce, “Failure to complete your tasks will result in a permanent ban from Bullingdon; no second chances. We expect results as well as proof of those results,” his dark eyes scan over the three boys once more, one corner of his mouth turned up into a mean smirk, “We’ll be seeing you back in this location Sunday at noon. Your thirty-six hours begin now… have fun.” He finishes with a taunting laugh before turning and exiting from the room, the old door creaking as he pulls it open before disappearing into the faint red glow of the hallway, followed by the rest of the fifteen boys in an orderly line.

As soon as the old door closes, the sound of paper tearing echoes around the dimly lit basement as Michael and the other two boys hastily tear open their envelopes. Pulling out a little slip of paper, his eyes go wide as a wave of dread washes over him. His eyes scan over the paper again and again as he nervously shoves his glasses back up his nose once more, silently willing the chicken-scratch words on the paper to somehow change, to give him some other command. 

His heart is pumping so loudly in his ears that he misses it when one of the other boys tries getting his attention, his head snapping up suddenly as a hand waves in front of it.

“Oi!”

“W-What?” 

“What did they give you?” The boy asks, nodding at the scrap of paper in Michael’s hand.

He clears his throat and tries his best to come off as casual, though he hardly cares with the way thoughts begin racing through his mind. “Oh, um,” he starts, glancing down to read over the paper once more, “I just uh, have to sleep with someone is all.”

The other two boys gape at him for a moment before groaning frustratedly. The one that had first spoken to him holds his paper out and smacks it disdainfully with the back of his hand.

“What the hell?” He asks gruffly, glancing between his paper and Michael, “Why’s yours so bloody easy?”

“For real,” sighs the second boy, rubbing the back of his head, “Ours are damn near impossible. They must already be decided on you to go so soft. How am I meant to steal the fucking Selden Map from Bodleian?” He laments, brows furrowed as he stares down at the paper in his hands.

“Yeah, and I have to transfer ten thousand pounds out of the chancellor’s bank account and into mine!” The first boy sighs, shaking his head, “At least your mum’s head of conservatorship here, you can at least get within a stone’s throw of the map. I have to commit fucking wire fraud!” 

The two boys grumble for another moment as Michael silently descends into a tailspin, his blue eyes unfocused as he stares at one of the dingy brick walls of the basement, trying desperately to formulate a plan, any plan. He merely glances up as the other to head for the door, spitballing ideas for each of their tasks.

“Isn’t your dad the president of Julius Baer? Can’t you just get him to pull strings?”

“Oh, yeah, fantastic idea! I’ll just ring him and ask the old man to commit a felony! What could possibly go wrong there?”

Michael tries to tune out their bickering as the three of them ascend the staircase and trail out into the hallway of Merton College Chapel once more; the two other boys don’t pay him any mind as they continue whispering amongst themselves, their voices trailing quietly down the hallway as he leans with his back against the cool metal of the janitor’s closet door. 

Sighing, he reads over the directive again, his blue eyes catching on the sharply scrawled letters of a very familiar name, one that makes his cheeks flush and his heart race. He swallows nervously, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

How could they know to do this? He wonders sheepishly. It’s not like he’d mentioned her to anyone; hell, he’d never even said so much as three words to her! No, his pathetic little crush was entirely in his mind. 

Too much of a coward to even say hi, he bemoans, trying to stave off the sense of shame he felt as he considered how many times he’d finished with her name on his lips, her pretty face and soft curves and sweet smell and little girly outfits whirling around his head since he’d spotted her on the first fucking day; he’d pined ever since and she didn’t even know he existed! How could she?

This is fucking impossible, he thinks miserably, wishing that he had any other task. He’d rather steal the Queen’s own goddamn family jewels than this. He glances at his watch once more and groans when he sees it’s almost already two in the morning; pushing himself up off the door, he hangs his head as he scurries back to his dorm room, thoughts spiraling as he plots. 

You

A laugh bubbles up past your lips as you sway your hips, your whole body vibrating as “Umbrella” blasts through the speakers while you dance with your friends, partying to celebrate the end of term. 

“You can run into my arms, it’s okay, don't be alarmed!” You sing happily, yours and your friends voices mingling together with another peal of laughter; you take another sip of your drink as you move along with the beat of the song, savoring the fizzy strawberry daiquiri as you begin to feel a bit warm from the little rush of alcohol, already on your third drink of the night. 

You smile proudly as you spot Felix in the crowd, his hazel eyes already fixed on you, or well, fixated on your chest. His attention makes you preen and you bite your lower lip, the sickly sweet taste of your cherry lip gloss filling your mouth as you purposefully bounce up and down on the balls of your feet. 

The thin straps of your pastel pink dress hold on for dear life as your chest heaves enticingly, and you giggle when you see those hazel eyes widen just a bit, no doubt tracing over the glittering chain of your necklace, following down to where it settles, a little sparkly pink diamond nestling temptingly at your cleavage. You teasingly wink, blushing a little when you get a wink back, and go back to dancing with your friends, knowing from experience that Felix preferred to approach rather than be approached. 

You dance with your friends for a few more moments, grinding up against any warm body you can find as a raunchier song begins pumping through the speakers, before you feel eyes on you yet again. Smiling at the attention, you glance around again, the low, colorful lighting of the pub making it hard to tell exactly which direction your admirer’s coming from. 

Your eyes flit over a few familiar faces, you can’t help but sigh in relief when you notice that Oliver’s eyes are thankfully planted firmly on someone that is not you, though a confused little crease forms between your brows when you realize that Felix’s aren’t either. Turning your head, you sway along to the music still as you look around quickly, your feet beginning to ache finally from the precious little satin Chanel heels buckled around your ankles. 

Your eyes finally lock onto an unexpected gaze, a fresh wash of pink coloring your cheeks as blue eyes glance shyly away from you. A little giggle titters past your lips as you lean over to one of your friends, patting her shoulder to get her attention.

“You know who that blond guy is? With the glasses?” You call over the music, nodding over in your admirer’s direction as he stands awkwardly back against the wall by the entrance, clutching a still-foamy pint. 

She glances over before turning back to you with a little shrug. “Michael something, I think!” She says, her breath warm as she leans in closer so you can hear her, “I thought Oliver knew him!”

Your eyes immediately find the brunette, predictably following Felix around like a lost little puppy, before you look back over at Michael. You can’t help but feel a bit bad when you see him quickly look away from your direction again before staring intently into his pint glass, one hand shoved in the pocket of his khaki pants. 

“I’m gonna take a breather for a second!” You yell over the loud music, leaning in close and cupping a hand over her ear. 

“Aw, babe, come on!” She pouts playfully, tilting her head at you, “Stay longer!”

You shake your head with another little laugh and gesture at your feet, “These are sooo cute but they’re killing me!” You laugh, finishing off the last sip of your drink, “I’ll be over by the notice board!” You tell her, blowing a kiss as you walk away from the dance floor of the small, cramped pub. 

Finally, you reach the little area by the front door and lean back against the wall, taking in a much-needed deep breath as you pull your little tube of lip gloss out of your bra and carefully reapply some more, smirking when you glance over out of the corner of your eye and see a certain blond boy already shyly eyeing you. 

Rubbing your lips together with a little pouty pop, you tuck your gloss back in your bra once more before slowly approaching Michael, prettily manicured hands clasped behind your back to help shamelessly push your chest out more. His wide eyed stare makes you giggle and blush as you study him, eyes flitting appreciatively up and down his lithe frame; so much potential hidden away under a little button down and khakis. 

“Haven’t seen you here before,” you tease, smirking when he blushes and all but chokes on his beer, coughing for a few seconds before finally speaking.

“I… Me?” He asks awkwardly, glancing around for seemingly anyone else you could be talking to.

Lucky for him, you find his awkwardness endearing. Truthfully, you had for months, never missing the way his eyes always happened upon you in a crowd. There was something impressive about the boy, something that had made your mind drift to him on more than one occasion, even if you were already under someone else. 

“Of course you, silly,” you laugh softly, leaning against the wall next to him and tilting your head curiously, “You’re Michael, right?”

His eyes go wide again and nods wordlessly before finding his voice. “Yeah, Michael,” he says with a reserved little smile, “Gavey! Michael Gavey…” He adds awkwardly, cheeks flushing even more when you giggle, seemingly charmed by his inability to string two words together. He nods as you introduce yourself.

“I know,” he says before blinking, eyes going wide behind his gold framed glasses as he awkwardly glances away, “I just… I mean I’ve heard your name before, that’s all.”

“That’s all, huh?” You echo with a flirty little giggle, twirling a lock of hair around your finger as you let the moment linger, just wanting to push him a little. “What’re you reading?” You ask curiously, cocking your head to the side a little.

“Maths,” he nods quickly before looking down into his pint glass once more as if fizzling beer is the most interesting thing in the world, “I don’t really like it all that much, though… I mostly only picked it because I’m good at it.”

“Ooh,” you coo softly, nodding along with his words as you watch him carefully, “You must be wicked smart, I can’t do maths to save my life.” You comment with a little giggle, biting your lip when he seems to perk up at that comment and looks up at you with a little grin. 

“I can do it in my head,” he says lowly, an unexpectedly cocky edge to his voice that has your heart picking up in your chest, “Ask me a sum,” he says, a challenging glimmer in his eyes. 

You hum softly, biting your lip as you think for a second, “Uhm, seventy-two plus a hundred and thirteen?”

“One eighty-five,” he chuckles after no more than a second before scoffing a little, “Come on, give me one that’s hard, love.”

Love? The little pet name makes you raise an eyebrow before you laugh softly. “What do you mean a hard one?” You giggle, shaking your head, “That one was hard!”

“That was hard for you?” He teases, making your cheeks tingle as a pink flush settles over your skin, “What’re you reading, then?”

“Art history!” You chirp proudly, chuckling nervously when you see him roll his eyes a bit, “What? Something wrong with that?”

He shakes his head dismissively, quickly polishing off the last of his pint before setting the empty class on a table and turning back to you, pushing his glasses up his nose with a grin, “Ask me another one, then. Biggest numbers you can think of.”

You don’t know why, but something about his little challenge has you blushing again, like he’s testing you somehow. But still, you take a moment to think of some numbers, biting your lip and quirking your eyes up toward the ceiling. 

“Six hundred thirty-two times… eight hundred ninety-one,” you hum, cocking your head to the side as you watch him closely. His eyes seem to glaze over, only for a second, before once again he’s spouting off numbers like a calculator. 

“Five hundred sixty-three thousand, one hundred and twelve.” 

Your eyebrows raise at that as you gawk at him. “Wow…,” you breathe after a moment, blinking as you stare up at him, “You’re, like, super smart, then?”

“Suppose so,” he says, smiling shyly again as he tucks both hands into the pockets of his khaki pants.

You study him for a moment as the conversation lulls, finding something endlessly fascinating about the boy; the way he could swing from being so cocky and self assured to shy and awkward makes your stomach do summersaults. Turning your head, you spot your group of friends still dancing and you look back at Michael with a little sigh as another upbeat song blasts loudly through the pub. 

“D’you wanna get out of here?” You ask, smirking when he looks up at you shyly.

“W-What?”

“My dorm’s only, like, a minute from here,” you flirt, sweet and enticing as you make him blush somehow more, “We could go somewhere more… quiet?”

He stares at you for a moment, shocked that you’re asking him of all people to come back to yours before he nods and nervously runs a hand through his wheat colored hair, unsuccessfully trying to act casual. “Yeah, yeah, I can do that.”

“Yay!” You giggle happily, flirtatiously grabbing one of his hands as you saunter past him, heading for the exit, “C’mon, it’s like a five minute walk!” He nods wordlessly and you can’t help but smirk as he follows you like a lost little puppy. 

True to your word, it’s only a few minutes later when you and Michael reach your dorm room, after you’d stopped for a minute at the entrance to your hall to chat with Farleigh, who seemed very interested in the nerdy boy following at your heels. You just couldn’t wipe the smirk off your face as you and Michael left him standing at the doors, mouth open and a wicked little gleam in his eyes; no doubt, he’d immediately scurried off to the King’s Arms. 

The door to your room opens with a tiny squeak, blasted old building, and you all but prance inside, turning back to the blond boy still lingering in the doorway with a smile. 

“Am I going to have to invite you in like a vampire?” You joke with a little laugh as you bend down to quickly undo the buckles of your heels, letting out a relieved sigh when you finally step out of them, leaving you in frilly white ankle socks.  

Michael finally steps into your room with a huffed laugh and quickly kicks off his shoes, you smirk when you see his Star Wars themed socks. “‘M no vampire, love,” he quips, gold framed eyes darting around your room as he looks over every detail. You grin at the little blush on his cheeks and perch on the edge of your bed to watch him, head tilted ever so slightly. 

“It’s, uh, it’s cute in here,” he observes, his voice a low hum as he takes in your frilly, lacy curtains, plush white rug, and equally girlish floral bedding, all encased in the faint pink glow of the heart-shaped fairy lights strung up around the room, “Just like how I imagined…” He breathes, so lowly you doubt he meant to say that bit aloud. 

“Like you imagined?” You echo with a little giggle, quickly reapplying your lip gloss before setting the little tube on the corner of your desk. 

“I just… I – It’s just very… you, is all I meant,” he stutters, running a hand through his hair awkwardly, the apples of his cheeks flushed a dark pink. 

His awkwardness is so endearing, you can’t help but grin. The more time you spend with him, the more interesting he seems to become; this bumbling, nervous boy is so different from the one you’ve seen on campus so many times. On campus, he’s comfortable, quiet still, but with a definite air of confidence – clearly in his element as he prowls through bookshelves in the library or explains some complex math formula in the quad. 

“So, you think about me often, then?” Your voice stays sweet, innocent almost, though you can’t help but tease him; he’s so pretty when he blushes. 

“No!” He answers quickly, whipping his head toward you from where he’d been studying the various pictures tacked up on the walls, everything from boy band posters to stills from Clueless and Legally Blonde. “I mean, yes, sometimes, I…,” he fumbles again and pushes his glasses up his sharp nose, “I think about you a normal amount.” He says finally, glancing at you quickly before looking away. 

You hum softly and stand before walking toward him with a kind smile, though you don’t miss the way he keeps glancing down at your cleavage, or the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat when he swallows nervously. 

“A normal amount?” 

“Mhm,” he nods, gaze unsure as you come to stand in front of him, teeth biting into your plush lower lip as you twirl a piece of hair through your fingers, “As much as I think of anyone else.”

“So…,” you breathe, drawing out the word as you reach up and fiddle with the collar of his button down shirt, the turquoise gingham a bright blue blip among all the blush tones of your room, “Every time I’ve caught you looking at my tits in the library or in the quad or in the hallways… that was just a normal amount?”

You giggle as his eyes go wide, his lips opening and closing like a fish out of water. Deciding to take mercy on him, you run a finger down his chest, playfully fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

“Relax, I’m not mad,” you shake your head, smiling when the tension in his shoulders visibly eases, “Why wouldn’t I want a cutie like you staring?”

His lips part at that as he sucks in a little breath, blue eyes widening behind his glasses. “You think I’m… cute?” He asks breathlessly, heart pounding under your fingertip. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip once more as you nod, cocking your head to the side just slightly as you peer up at him. “‘Course I do, honey, what’s not to like?”

Again, he gawks at you, blinking in shock and swallowing nervously.

“I –” 

“I do have one question though…,” you tease, pouting a bit as you slowly and carefully undo the very top button on his shirt, relishing the way his breath hitches in his throat. 

“Y-Yeah?” His voice breaks, making you giggle while he blushes somehow deeper.

“Mhm,” you nod, undoing the second button and pausing when you find a splash of hair across his chest, the same shiny wheat color as the hair on his head, causing a familiar knot to begin twisting itself up in your belly, “Why were you at the end of term party?”

He blinks for a second, evidently taken off guard. “I… W-Was it invite only?”

His question nearly makes you snort and you shake your head, the corners of your lips twitching as you try not to laugh. “No, sweetie,” you peer up at him through your lashes as you rest your hand against his bare chest, smirking ever so slightly when he shivers, “I just meant, I haven’t seen you at parties before… doesn’t really seem like your kind of thing.” 

“I, well,” he stammers, the bottoms of his glasses fogging up from the heat radiating off his cheeks, “I just –”

“It’s for that club, yeah?” You ask finally, giggling at the shocked expression on his face.

“How do –”

“You lot are not nearly as sneaky as you think,” you laugh cheekily, bouncing excitedly on the balls of your feet, “Plus, I heard Felix and Oliver whispering about something to do with tasks a few weeks ago… and boys are very bad at keeping secrets once you get their cocks out.” You add with a little giggle, taking Michael’s hand once more and dragging him over to your plush bed. You sit him on the edge before all but climbing in his lap, smiling cheekily as you straddle his thighs, your knees digging into your soft bedding.

“So,” you start, holding onto his shoulders to balance yourself and smiling a little when he finally touches you, lightly resting his hands on your hips, “What’s your task, hm? I heard they made them, like, particularly brutal this year.”

“I don’t think I should say,” Michael murmurs with a little shake of his head, making you pout.

“Oh, come on!” You bounce on his lap a little, not missing the way his eyes seem to be drawn to your breasts like magnets, “I want to help! Is it something at the King’s Arms?”

“N-No, I really don’t think –”

“I know they keep the important rugby trophies there,” you think aloud, still playing dumb, just wanting him to say it, “Is that it? D’you have to steal one? One of the boys that works there owes me, I could get him to let you in after hours…” You prattle on, speaking faster and faster as Michael shakes his head beneath you.

Finally, he seems to reach a breaking point and his grip on your hips tightens. “I have to fuck you!” He blurts out before sighing.

“Oh, really?”

“I… I have to fuck you –”

“Mhm?”

“And prove I did somehow.”

“How interesting!”

He narrows his eyes at that and peers up at you suspiciously, studying you carefully. You can’t help but giggle, loving the way you feel when his eyes are on you, and you smirk when he finally blinks in realization.

“You… you knew this whole time, didn’t you?”

A sly smile spreads across your lips as you nod, squirming excitedly on his lap. “Like I said,” you chuckle with a little shrug, “Not. Sneaky!” You tease, punctuating each word with a little boop to the tip of his nose, unable to resist. 

He stays silent for a moment, gazing up at you with a strange mixture of awe and unease before he finally speaks through a deep sigh. “So, I suppose this is the part where you tell me to leave?”

Well, that comment throws you off. You cock your head to the side, confused, as your eyebrows furrow together. “Why would I ask you to leave?”

He sighs again and grits his teeth, looking dejectedly at the floor. “Come on, love,” he mutters, looking anywhere but you, “I-It’s not like you’d ever want to –”

“Ever want to what?” You ask with a frown, gently grabbing at his chin and tilting his head up, forcing him to meet your gaze, “You think I don’t wanna fuck you, honey?”

“Well, I –”

“Michael,” you say pointedly, raising your brows as you smirk slightly, staring deeply into his blue eyes, “I’m the one that came onto you, yeah?”

“I… I suppose.”

“Mhm,” you hum, nodding your head as you run your fingers through his short hair, not missing the little sigh that leaves his lips when you push yourself closer to him, your chest pressing tightly against his, “And while I’m not thrilled at our first time being for some stupid little task –”

“It’s,” he cuts you off shyly, shaking his head ever so slightly, “It’s – I’ve never…” He stammers, nervously gripping at your waist once more. 

You can’t help but smile softly, so charmed by him over and over. You nod your head knowingly, raising your brows just a bit. “I know, honey,” you whisper reassuringly, “We don’t have to, I’ll let you take a pair of my panties or whatever else, but we don’t need to do anything.”

He sighs up at you again, so taken with you he feels like he could scream, and shakes his head more, grabbing at your hips tighter, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. “N-No, I… I want to,” he nods, swallowing anxiously, “I do, I just… don’t really know what I’m doing.”

You nod again, listening carefully as he speaks. “So, is it all new or…?”

He shakes his head and smiles a little, shyly, though the sight of it still makes that knot in your belly tighten further, making you blush on his lap while butterflies swirl around inside you. “I’ve kissed before,” he says lowly, chuckling awkwardly as he seems to get bolder, causing you to shudder when he lightly rubs his hands over your waist and hips, “And done… hand stuff.”

You giggle at his boyish explanation and bite your lip when you smile at him, wiggling in his lap as a heat begins to settle at the apex of your thighs. “Can I kiss you, honey?” 

His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat again, making you want so badly to press soft, glossy kisses to it, but you resist, determined to make this good for him. 

“Yeah,” he nods eagerly, blue eyes fixated on your lips.

You smile softly before leaning in and finally pressing your lips against his, both of you sighing at once. One of his hands stays at your hip while the other comes to rest in the small of your back, pressing you more tightly to him as your lips move together, his motions surprisingly fluid and practiced. 

You make a small noise in the back of your throat when you feel his tongue licking at your bottom lip, and eagerly allow him access with a little sigh. Your fingers busy themselves with unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, making him shudder beneath you when you skim your hands over his bare chest and stomach as his tongue flows with your own, the bitter, coffee-ish flavor of the pint he’d had earlier still on his tongue.

Impatient, you pull back long enough to look at him for reassurance, smiling when you earn a little nod. You kiss him once more before tugging his shirt off, flushing when he groans lowly as you trail kisses down over his jaw and neck before swiping your tongue greedily over his Adam’s apple, making his breath hitch. 

“F-Fuck,” he sighs brokenly, bolding tracing over your thigh until his fingers are tucked up under the silky, baby pink material of your dress. His touches make you shiver as goosebumps bloom over your skin, making you whine against the pale column of his throat, “Can I?” He breathes, fingers toying with a strap of your dress while the others slowly inched the bottom of it up higher and higher. 

“God, please,” you mewl, nodding against his throat, your head on his shoulder. He shudders at the feel of your breath on his neck and nods once before tugging at the bottom of your dress. You sit up to help him, whining when you feel his hard length pressing against your thin, lacy underwear, “You don’t need to ask, Michael. Want you to take me however you want.” You whisper as he tugs your dress over your head, blue eyes meeting yours for a second as he nods before they skim lower, widening as he takes you in on his lap wearing only a bra and panties. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes, making you giggle shyly as you lean in and softly kiss over his cheeks, “You have…you’re – you’re perfect,” he sighs, brazenly cupping your breasts, skimming his thumbs over your nipples through the thin pink fabric of your bra and smiling proudly when he feels them harden at his touch, “You’re perfect, but these are… holy shit.” He repeats, his voice breathy and mesmerized as he takes in your chest for another moment while you softly card your fingers through his golden hair. 

You gasp through a little giggle when you feel his length twitch, even through his trousers, and wiggle on his lap, blushing when the movement earns you a broken groan. “Yeah?” You whisper cheekily, watching as he marvels at your chest for a second longer before quickly unclasping your bra and shrugging out of it, tossing it down onto the floor with his shirt and your dress, “What about now?” You tease, proudly arching your back as you bite your lip.

He groans again, louder than he has all evening, and instantly ducks his head down. The feel of his soft lips wrapping eagerly around one of your nipples makes you cry out, gasping sharply as he sucks at the sensitive bud before he runs his tongue over it. You cradle the back of his head in your hands, fingers lightly pulling at the short strands of hair, as he switches from one breast to the other, kneading whichever one is free with his hand. 

Needing something, anything, you finally pull him off of your chest after a few moments, laughing when he all but whines, and smiling even more when you take in his disheveled appearance – blond hair sticking up at odd angles from where you’d run your fingers through it, cheeks flushed as his glasses sit crooked on his nose, and his blue eyes staring up at you hungrily. 

You shift back on his thighs just enough to snake a hand between the two of you and he gasps when you cup the bulge pressing against the zipper of his khakis. “You want me to suck your cock?” You ask cheekily, lightly squeezing at his length. 

He surprises you by shaking his head no,gulping slightly with an awkward laugh before answering. “I do, I really fucking do, love,” he breathes, kneading at your breasts as he stares up at you sheepishly, “B-But I really want to last and if you… if you suck it, I –”

“Okay, okay,” you stop him with a kiss, “We’ll table it for next time.” 

“N-Next time?” He questions, fighting to keep his eyes open as you press kisses against his neck once more. You nod against his shoulder and press kisses up to just beneath his ear. 

“I’m not letting you go that easy, honey,” you whisper, chuckling when he shivers. You spend another moment softly kissing and biting at his neck before speaking again, “Have you ever eaten anyone out?” You question, pulling back to look at him.

He shakes his head, his eyes flicking between both of yours as he looks up at you. “No.” He answers simply, his voice hardly a whisper. 

You can’t help but smirk coyly and cock your head to the side, running a finger through the little patch of hair on his chest just to see him shudder. “You wanna try it?”

He nods eagerly and surprises you once again by quickly swinging you around, maneuvering you until your head rests on the pillows of your bed. You squeal at the movement, laughing with him as he settles over you, his narrow hips slotting easily between your thighs as you silently marvel at his unexpected strength, the shock of it going right between your legs. 

“You want me to lick your pussy?” He asks lowly, grinning when he sees your eyes widen ever so slightly. 

“You’re quite something, huh?” You breathe, still gazing up at him in surprise. 

“Observant,” he shrugs, smirking as he sits up, kneeling between your legs, “You aren’t the only one who is, love.” He teases, quickly undoing his belt and trousers and groaning as he pushes them down his thighs, stopping at his knees. 

Your eyes go wide at the size of his length, it’s clearly very impressive and it’s not even out of his plaid boxers yet. That smirk stays plastered on his face as he leans back down to hover over you, hastily removing his glasses and sitting them on your desk before sloppily kissing you for a moment, surprising you yet again by trailing wet kisses down your neck. 

“Michael…” You sigh dreamily, arching your back toward him when he starts kissing over your chest. He groans from deep in his chest, mouth pressed against the fat of your breast. 

“Fucking hell,” he curses, teasing your nipple again with the tip of his tongue, “Say it again, love.” 

His simple command sends shivers down your spine and you mewl, squirming underneath him, “M-Michael!” You moan again, fumbling over your words as he sucks at your breast again before he lifts his head. 

“Good girl,” he purrs with a sly, easy smirk that makes your heart jump, a soft sigh tumbling past your lips. He shifts further down the bed, kissing down over your ribs and stomach, his confidence seemingly growing every time he presses his lips against your skin; the thought makes your head spin.

Finally, he hooks his fingers into the lacy sides of your panties, and his eyes peer up at you as he tugs them down over your hips before flinging them onto the floor. “Oh, my God…,” he sighs, staring greedily at your pussy, a broken groan sounds from his throat when you spread your legs more. 

You bite your lip and giggle, smiling shyly as you tangle your fingers in his hair once more. “Like what you see?” 

He nods his head rapidly, making you chuckle again as he stares up at you, an almost pained expression on his face. “I… uh, w-what now?” 

He’s so endearing, you can’t help the little sigh that leaves you and you sit up a little, leaning back on an elbow as you use your other hand to spread your center open. You bite your bottom lip once more when he whines a little, seeing you all spread out before him, flushed folds already slick and shiny. 

“Lick here, honey,” you whimper as you skim your fingers over your clit, so keyed up from only a few kisses that you gasp a little when you feel yourself clench; Michael looks like he may pass out. 

Ever the dutiful student, he gives you one last look before diving in. Your head falls back with a whiny gasp as his tongue snakes over your clit, just as you’d instructed. A long, shuddery moan leaves him, vibrating against your cunt and you watch as his blue eyes all but roll back in his head. 

“Just like that, Michael,” you praise, tugging at his hair ever so slightly, which only serves to make him moan more. Your chest heaves as you watch him, determined not to let your eyes squeeze shut while he licks and kisses and sucks at your pussy like a man possessed, “Holy shit!” You whimper loudly when he pushes his tongue into you, groaning lowly when he feels your walls clench around it as he presses his nose perfectly against your clit. 

“You taste so good,” he gasps, wrapping his hands around your thighs to keep you exactly where he wants. He peers up at you through blond lashes as he feasts on you, sucking eagerly at your clit and savoring the way you shiver and squirm from his motions. 

Unbelievably, you already feel that warm, familiar tug in your belly beginning to grow, making your whole body feel flush and taut. “Just like that, just like that,” you whine urgently, grabbing onto his hair tighter and guiding his mouth exactly where you need it, your eyes finally rolling back and fluttering shut, “Holy fuck, don’t stop!” 

Michael grunts as you tug at his hair, his own hips rutting greedily against your pretty bedding — cock throbbing so hard there’s no doubt he’s leaked through his boxers. He watches you carefully, studying your movements and reactions as best he can while he rhythmically licks at your clit. 

“Oh, shit!” You cry not even a moment later, your whole body seeming to stutter as your muscles finally relax. You mewl as your high finally washes over you, savoring the way Michael groans into your cunt as he feels it contracting on his tongue. Your eyes stay squeezed shut as shivers roll up and down your spine, shuddered cries leaving your lips. 

Just as his touches begin to border on overstimulation, you have enough wherewithal to push him away, and he releases your center with a lewd little pop. 

“Was that good?” He asks through a breathless laugh, swallowing as he looks up at you, evidence of your arousal still shining on his lips and chin. 

“Good?” You huff, eyebrows raised as you gaze down at him, “You’re sure you’ve never done that before?” You question in disbelief, chest still heaving. 

He smiles shyly, already pink cheeks seeming to flush deeper from your praise as he chuckles. You cup his cheeks when he leans over you again, whimpering as you taste yourself on his tongue. 

“You’re unbelievable.” You sign as he kisses down your neck again, making him chuckle against your skin. 

“Just observant,” he grunts, shuddering when you wrap your legs around his trim waist. You gasp as his length brushes over your still sensitive pussy, impossibly hot and hard even through the thin fabric of his boxers. His fragmented sigh makes you smile and you tug his head up, blushing as you look up at him. 

“You ready, honey?” You breathe, giggling when he nods his head again eagerly, his hips stuttering instinctually against your center. “Here, let me…” You trail off, the two of you separating for a moment as you lean over and pull open the top drawer of your desk, pulling out a pack of condoms and tearing one off before laying back down. 

You watch enraptured as he kneels between your legs again, pulling down his boxers finally. “Holy…” you gasp when his cock finally bobs free, twitching up to rut against his lower stomach; he’s long and thick, curving a little as veins run up the underside, leading to a flushed, leaking head. He smiles shyly again at your attention as he shuffles awkwardly out of his trousers and underwear, kicking them off and onto the floor.

You hand him the condom and watch as he rolls it on, giving him a little reassuring smile as he does. Once it’s securely in place, you pull him back to you, eagerly kissing him once more and wrapping your legs securely around his waist. Both of you moan in unison when his length glides through your folds, the head catching perfectly on your clit. 

He pulls away with a little gasp, hovering over you as he glances down at your hips. “S-So, I just…” He trails off, watching as you reach down with one hand, grunting softly when you wrap your hand around his cock. 

Carefully, you position him at your entrance and angle your hips a little. “Go on, honey,” you encourage with a soft smile, running your other hand over his chest. 

Nodding once, he presses forward and swears he sees God. “F-Fucking hell,” he groans, loudly sighing your name as he carefully guides himself into you, absolutely in awe at the way your hot cunt grips him. His eyes squeeze shut, his hips resting firmly against yours as his chest heaves, breaths coming in short, sharp pants. 

You aren’t fairing much better, head spinning at the way he splits you open, pressing incessantly at each and every sensitive spot within you. You pant against his neck as he stills, pressed deeply within you. 

“D-Do… fuck, do I just…?” Michael stutters, giving half-hearted little thrusts to test the waters. 

“Yes!” You answer instantly, anxiously nodding up at him as your hips wiggle against the bedsheets, making him swear and shudder above you, “Just move, honey, do what feels good.” 

He groans again and gives a little nod before experimentally moving his hips again, pulling out more this time before pushing back in. “Shit,” he breathes above you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he grunts with each roll of his hips. 

You pant underneath him, spurring him on by pressing your feet against his backside, urging him to move faster and faster as the frilly lace from your socks tickles his pale skin. “You’re doing so, so good, oh, my God,” you breathe, your voice high-pitched and whimpery as you tangle your fingers in his hair again, knowing by now that it drives him crazy. 

Above you, Michael’s hips slowly but surely begin to stutter, his thrusts starting to peter out as his breathing picks up. “I’m —!”

“Wait!” You blurt suddenly, smiling wickedly as he comes to a screeching halt, pushing himself up enough to stare down at you with wild eyes, “I have an idea…” You tease with a little giggle. 

“W-What?” 

“You have a phone, yeah?” 

“…Yeah?”

“One that can, like, take video?” 

“Yes?” 

“Grab it,” you laugh, pushing him off of you with a laugh. He rolls his eyes with a smirk but does as you ask, clumsily pulling himself from your heat before stumbling over to where his khakis had landed. He shuffles about for a second before pulling a silver phone from the pocket of his trousers. 

“Now what?” He asks curiously, positioning himself back between your thighs, cock twitching meanly. 

“Film me.” 

“What?!” He gapes at you, brows creased. 

“Film me, honey,” you giggle, biting your lip conspiratorially, “For your little task, you need proof, yeah?” 

“Well, yeah, b-but I can just take your panties or something, I don’t —“

“Or you could bring back something better…” You smirk, shrugging your shoulders playfully, “We don’t have to but… it could be kinda hot?” 

He pauses for a moment, eyes flicking between you, your pussy, and the phone in his hand before he nods once, curtly. “We… we can try it.” 

“Yeah? You wanna?” 

“Yeah,” he quips, catching you by surprise as a mean little smirk spreads over his lips, “Wanna see the look on Catton’s face when he sees you creaming on my cock.” 

Your eyes widen and you huff out a shocked laugh, a zing of electricity lighting behind your eyes. “You’re insane,” you say softly, an endeared smile on your lips. 

He snickers, his whole demeanor seeming to change before your eyes as he transforms from this shy, stuttering boy into an astonishingly cocky man. “You like it, love,” he teases, grabbing his dick and positioning himself at your entrance yet again. 

“Wait!” You giggle again, blushing as he groans. 

“You don’t want to anymore?” 

“No, no, not that,” you assure him, affectionately running your hand down one of his shockingly muscular arms, “You can film me… on one condition.” 

“‘N what would that be?” 

“Take me on a date.” You breathe, suddenly shy. You know he’ll agree to it, but even still, your heart pumps wildly in your chest. 

He stares at you for a second, blinking dumbly as he processes your request. “You want me to take you on a date?” He asks, flushing so deeply that the soft pink hue cascades all the way down to his chest. 

Giggling, you nod your head, giving his forearm a reassuring squeeze. “You need to start giving yourself more credit, honey.” 

He sighs at that, a little astounded huff, before he’s suddenly grabbing at your calves and pushing your legs up toward your shoulders, all but bending you in half, anxious to get his cock back into you. You gasp at the movement, and chuckle at his eagerness, a sound that morphs into a whiny moan when he slides back home. 

“Christ,” he grunts, shoulders heaving as he gets used to the way you feel around him once more, “Y-You feel so good, love, fucking perfect.” 

“You’re so big,” you whine, nodding as you look at him like he hung the stars in the sky, “You’re so good, Michael, you have no idea.” 

He groans above you, hands shaking as he grabs for his phone, flipping it open and quickly opening the camera as his hips rut into you, making the springs of your bed creak softly. 

As soon as Michael gives you a little nod to let you know he’s filming, you truly put on a show — or well, you at least stop trying to quiet yourself down and be conscientious of the people in the rooms next to you. The way he has your legs bent back makes him feel somehow bigger and causes his cock to hit that sensitive spot within you with pinpoint accuracy every time he thrusts in, making you clench around him and moan loudly each time he moves his hips against you. 

You watch as he angles the camera down a bit, no doubt pointing it at the spot the two of you are joined together, letting the camera record his cock sliding in and out of you. When he moves it back up, however, to get your face as evidence, you plaster on the cheekiest grin you can muster. 

“H-Hi boys,” you tease breathlessly, smirking as you lean up on one elbow. You wave with your other hand before blowing a kiss to the camera, which makes Michael cockily laugh.

“Fuck, I gotta…” he mutters after a few more seconds, carelessly dropping his phone down on the bed before roughly grabbing at your thighs with a bruising grip, one that makes you mewl and arch your back toward him. The two of you moan and whimper in unison as he begins thrusting wildly, seemingly too worked up to care about anything but cumming. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You chant over and over, head spinning as he bullies your sweet spot. 

“That’s it, love,” Michael murmurs, his voice gruff and low as he stares down at you, strands of his hair sticking to his forehead; he looks wilder than you’ve ever seen him, the thought only serving to push you closer and closer to the edge. “S-Shit, that’s it. Fucking come for me, cream on my cock; please, please, please,” he murmurs, leaning down to press desperate kisses against your neck and collarbones. 

The new position causes his pubic bone to rub deliciously over your clit, making you seize beneath him with a loud whine. Your toes curl, heels still pressing into the small of his back. “M-Michael, holy fuck!” You practically squeal as your high finally washes over you once more, stars dancing behind your eyelids as you go lax and pliant underneath him. 

The feel of your walls pulsing around his cock has Michael reeling, his hips somehow thrusting even faster as he both desperately wants to cum while also never wanting this feeling to end. “C-Cum, honey, cum,” you pant softly, cupping his cheek with one hand and turning his face toward yours. 

That does him in and the rubber band in his belly viciously snaps, making him shudder above you as his thrusts come to a halt, cock twitching wildly inside you as he empties himself into the condom. You watch him in awe, taking in every detail from the way his nose scrunches up as his eyes squeeze close to the way he whispers your name over and over like a prayer. 

The two of you lay in silence for a moment, his breath warm against your neck as he slumps against you trying to catch his breath. 

Eventually, you can’t help it anymore and let out a breathless giggle, which only intensifies when he props himself up on an elbow to peer down at you with a smirk. 

“Something funny?” 

“Just,” you breathe, trying to calm yourself enough to get words out, “Just… wow,” you finally say, giggles petering out as you look up at him, the soft gleam in his eyes makes your heart clench in your chest. 

“Good wow?” He blushes, looking down between the two of you as he pulls himself from your walls with a little hiss. 

“Very, very good wow,” you confirm, grinning as you watch him pull off the condom before he peers up at you with a sheepish grin. “Tie it off, honey,” you instruct, smirking as he does just that, before nodding to the little wastebasket by your desk. 

He gets up with a groan and quickly tosses the condom in the trash before turning back to you, the bashful look on his face making you blush. 

Unable to resist, you grin at him and spread your arms with a giggle, wordlessly inviting him for a cuddle, which he gladly accepts. The bed creaks slightly as he lays back down, relaxing his head on the pillow just beside yours. Again, the two of you stay silent for a moment, content to merely gaze at one another, before he shyly looks away and sighs. 

“I…,” he starts, blue eyes blinking and flitting around your room as he gathers his thoughts, “Thank you,” he finally says, looking back at you with a little half smile. 

Your brows furrow at this as you grin at him. “What’re you thanking me for?” 

“Well, f-for… this,” he says, gesturing vaguely at the two of you before sitting up just slightly and fishing around in the blankets for a second. “And this,” he sighs, holding his phone up before twisting around to set it on the corner of your desk, turning back to you. “I just… I know you didn’t have to, is all, so…” 

You cock your head to the side as you prop yourself up on an elbow, eyes narrowing as you study him closely. “And people have the nerve to say I’m thick,” you joke, lips spreading into a wide grin as you gaze down at him, “I wanted to do all this, Michael. I’m the one that came onto you, remember?” 

“W-Well, yeah, but —“

“No buts!” You laugh, pressing a finger against his lips as you shake your head, “I have eyes too, you know.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You haven’t been the only one watching someone for months,” you giggle shyly, pressing your forehead against his, “I meant what I said about that date, too.” 

His arms wind around your waist, holding you tight as he processes your words with a dumbstruck smile, blushing under your gaze. “Whatever you say, love,” he concedes finally, pressing his lips against yours sweetly. 

He yawns tiredly when he pulls away from you after a moment, which only makes you yawn as well, and you glance over at the little clock on your dresser. “Christ,” you gasp, turning back to him, “I didn’t realize it’s already almost four… you can crash here, if you want?” 

He considers it for a moment, knowing he has to be back in that stupid little basement by noon and making a mental map of where exactly your dormitory is in relation to the Merton College Chapel. “I… I can stay, yeah,” he finally nods after a moment. 

“You’re sure?” 

“Love, I’m not sure my legs work well enough yet to walk out of here anyway.” 

Michael

Groaning, Michael slowly blinks his eyes open, rubbing them softly as he sits up in bed with a yawn. Blindly reaching over for his glasses, he’s confused when he doesn’t feel them in their usual spot and finally opens his eyes properly. 

He stares, confused for a moment as to how exactly he somehow got transported into what appears to be Barbie’s damn dream house, before the events of last night come flooding back to him. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes when he turns his head and sees your still-sleeping form beneath your flowery sheets, your hair tousled wildly on the pillow as your shoulders rise and fall evenly still with each breath. Looking around, he finally spots his glasses and puts them on before reaching for his phone, and cursing again when he sees the time. 

11:47 AM. 

He practically falls out of your bed as he tries to extricate himself from the sheets, and he hears you wake with a start behind him as he grabs wildly at his clothes on the floor. 

“Michael?” You ask questioningly, your voice still hoarse from sleep as you, frankly fucking adorably, rub at your eyes before fixing him with a curious look. 

“Gotta, shit, gotta run,” he explains quickly, cursing as he nearly loses his balance trying to tug his trousers on, “Need to be at Merton Chapel in, like, Christ, ten minutes!” 

“Ohh,” you giggle softly, watching with amusement as he finishes getting dressed, hair and clothes so disheveled that he’s sure he looks like the very definition of the walk of shame. 

Just as he’s tugging his shoes on and making a mad dash for the door, you stop him. “Here,” you smirk, holding out the same lacy pair of pink panties you wore last night, “For proof,” you explain, nodding to the phone in his hand, “Along with that. Should be more than enough,” you giggle proudly. 

He smiled sheepishly as he pockets your underwear. “T-Thanks,” he nods, turning to leave before you stop him once more. 

He can’t help but blush when you lean in and press and quick kiss to his lips, your cherry chapstick rubbing off on him some. Pulling away, you playfully smack his chest with a little grin. “Go get ‘em, honey.” 

Nodding, he smiles again before finally pulling your door open and bounding down the hallway. “I’ll text you, love!” He calls, peering back just before he rounds a corner, “About that date!” 

It’s 11:58 on the dot when he flings the basement door open, only to be pulled over to the same stupid dank basement wall, his back hitting it once more with a dull thud. 

Glancing around, he sees the ski-masked boys again, all fifteen of them, standing in a row with the head boy slightly out of line. To his left stands one of the other initiates, clutching a black tube of some sort. 

The basement stays silent for a moment before one of the masked boy’s watch alarms goes off just as the bells in the tower begin to chime. 

Once, twice, all the way up to twelve. Noon.

Right on cue, the head boy steps forward even more and looks between Michael and the other initiate. “Your friend couldn’t be bothered to show his face, then?” He asks, dark eyes peering at the boy next to Michael. 

He scoffs and shakes his head, glaring at the head boy. “He’s still at the bank!” He snaps, “All the way in bloody Switzerland,” he kicks at the dirty stone floor as he explains, “Dickhead,” he finally mutters lowly under his breath. 

“Shame,” the head boy quips, clasping his hands in front of his waist, “Some men are simply not cut out for Bullingdon.” 

The boys in the row behind him nod knowingly, each making some little noise of affirmation until the head boy quickly stops them, holding a fist up by his head, bringing it back down to his side when they shut up. 

“So, initiates, what’ve you got?” 

The boy next to Michael steps forward first and hands the black tube to the head boy with a sigh. “There,” he says, gesturing to it, “There’s your bloody map. My mum could get sacked for that.” 

The head boy pops open one end of the tube, a document sleeve Michael now realizes, and gingerly extracts a rolled up piece of parchment from it, unrolling it just enough to confirm it's what they asked for. 

“Well done, initiate,” he nods, seemingly impressed as he flashes a smile at the boy, white teeth gleaming creepily through the slit in his ski mask. Carefully, he rolls the document up again before sliding it back in the tube, “Your commitment to Bullingdon will take you far. Welcome to the fray.” 

The boy stands still for a moment, eyeing the document tube with an almost regretful expression before curtly nodding and taking his place back against the wall. 

“And then there was one,” the head boy murmurs, dark faze fixed on Michael, “I seem to remember we gave you quite the… interesting task indeed, initiate. How did you manage?” 

Smiling damn near arrogantly, Michael all but skips up the head boy and proudly pulls your panties from his back pocket, letting them dangle from his index finger. “See for yourself.” 

The head boy grabs them by the edge and studies them for a moment, turning back to the row of boys behind him with a questioning glance. The boy Michael knows already to be that cunt, Oliver Quick, glances between him, the panties, and Michael, before cutting a sideways glance to a tall boy standing next to him. 

“These could be anyone’s,” the head boy says, turning back to Michael as he shakes his head, “You could’ve nicked them from your sister or something, we’ll need more than this, initiate.”

“Don’t even have a sister,” Michael quips, shrugging his shoulders with a little frown. 

“Okay, like, your cousin or something then –”

“Don’t have a female cousin,” he says with a shake of his head, “All boys.”

“The point still stands!” The head boy finally snaps, making Michael bite the inside of his cheek to hide a little laugh, though the corner of his lips still quirks up in a smirk, “You haven’t got any proof, do you? Is that why you’re stalling?”

Huffing a little laugh, Michael finally lets himself smirk meanly and steps closer to the head boy as he pulls his phone from his pocket, flips it open, and navigates to his video gallery. “Is this enough proof?” He teases, pressing play on the most recent video. 

The picture is small and grainy but there’s no doubt as to what’s happening as the sound of your pretty whimpers and moans echoes around the brick basement, along with the wet smack of Michael’s cock driving into you again and again. 

The head boy stares at the screen still as curiosity gets to a few of the boys in the row behind him and they all come crowd around Michael’s phone, eyes widening behind their ski masks and mouths falling open. 

The tallest one, the one Oliver keeps glancing at, lets out a long sigh as he peers down at the small screen and brings a hand up to his head as if he were going to run it through his hair before remembering the mask he has on. With him this close, Michael finally notices the little silver barbell stuck through his eyebrow and shivers as his lips curl up into a sadistic Cheshire cat smile, a tidal wave of savage pride crashing through his system. 

Finally, fucking finally, I get something he wants, he thinks as your breathy moans continue to pour from the speaker of his phone, tinny and muffled in some spots where he’d accidentally covered the microphone, but beautiful, beautiful and because of him.

After a moment, the video ends, the tiny phone screen reverting back to it’s little thumbnail as the head boy peers up at Michael, the rest of the club members taking their places back in line, though he can’t help but notice that Felix’s broad shoulders are slumped now and Oliver stands ever closer to him, like some kind of fucked up bodyguard. 

“I’ll be damned, initiate,” the head boy sighs with a shake of his head, “I really didn’t think you had it in you.”

He watches as Michael merely nods and pockets his phone again, holding it tightly in his fist even still. After a second, he smiles widely and claps a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly.

“Welcome to Bullingdon.”

Some time later, Michael finally exits the basement, a few of the club members, sans ski masks now, nodding goodbye to him as they disperse across campus, meeting adjourned. 

He wasn’t really sure what he’d been expecting from the initial meeting but it was mostly them prattling on about where exactly they had all their grubby little fingers, poked in seemingly every facet of society from Parliament to local newspapers. 

Braggy cunts, Michael thinks as he ambles outside, glancing up at the sky as he steps into the Mob Quad, surrounded by stony old buildings. 

Smiling to himself, he pulls out his phone and quickly finds your number in his contacts list, blushing when he sees you’ve taken the liberty of adding some girly heart emoticon next to it. He hardly has time to press it against his ear before you answer.

“Well?” You demand with that now familiar giggle, some unfamiliar pop song playing in the background.

“I’m in,” he confirms, nodding to himself as he slowly walks in the direction of his dormitory, “Thanks to you.” He smiles like an idiot when you laugh.

“Don’t sell yourself short, honey,” you tease, he can picture your bright, glossy smile in his head, “You earned that spot.”

Michael merely shakes his head with a happy little sigh. “So,” he starts, clearing his throat and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “About that date… I was thinking the King’s Arms? Tonight at six, if that works?”

“Oooh, tonight at six,” you repeat teasingly, an image flashing in his mind of you twirling your hair around a perfectly manicured finger, “Someone’s quite eager, hm?”

“Can you blame me?”

“Hmm, I suppose not,” you giggle, pausing for a second, “It’s a date then.”

“Fantastic,” Michael sighs, trying with every fiber of his being to sound casual and cool about the whole thing, even as his heart threatens to beat out of his chest. 

“See you tonight, Mr. Bullingdon,” you tease, making a little kissy sound into the phone before hanging up. 

Michael pauses for a moment, standing to the side on the pavement as he nods to himself. If it weren’t so fucking cheesy, he’d raise his fist in the air, victorious, à la Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club. 

Instead, he flips his phone back open and navigates back to your video. Sighing, he stares at the little thumbnail for a second before deleting it, pocketing his phone once more, and continuing back to his dormitory. 

He has the real thing now.

taggled lovelies: @helloworldiamnotarobot @drakonflames @marysucks-blog @watercolorskyy @valeskafics @iamaegontargaryenwife0 @aemshaircare @1997babyyyy @lovellies @little-moonbeam-666 @blackswxnn @wickedfrsgrl @echos-muses @imawhorecrux @avidreader73 @marvelescape @rae-11 @ms-morningstarr @chaotic-fangirl-blog @grsveeth0m @twglitching @hb8301 @delulumhaggy @burntliquorlips @fan-goddess @cl-0-vr @kittendoll05 @beautbuck @eponaartemisa @trshngyn @brettlovessuckingcocks @alerisc @moonriseoverkyoto @wolfdressedinlace @do-double-g @kennafild

(tags are based on your answers to my google form; if you were mistakenly tagged, please contact me & update your answers on the form! thank you!)

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

The Golden Ratio - Masterlist

Pairing: Michael Gavey (Saltburn) x f!reader Warnings: Derogatory language, angst, eventual smut (applicable warnings will be added to both parts) Word count: ~10k

Summary: It's Fresher's Week at Oxford University. Professor Byrne has set the Mathematics students an ice breaker activity; research and present back to the class your own example of the Fibonacci Sequence. The only catch is that they have to do so in pairs, and the arrogant, self-proclaimed genius she picks as her partner seems less than enthused to work with her...

Author's note: A birthday gift for @assortedseaglass - happiest of birthdays to you, lovely Hilde! I don't have a tag list. Please follow @fics-by-ewanmitchellcrumbs and turn on post notifications. Community labels are for cops.

Part one

Part two

[harleehazbinfics]

Icarus

lucifer morningstar x f!reader

synopsis: la douleur exquise: the heartbreaking feeling of wanting affection of someone unattainable.

"Thank you for doing this again, Lucifer. I don't know what I would do without you," you beam at him, laughing in relief as you cradled the gift in your hands.

"Of course. Anything for you," he says, his eyes never leaving your face memorizing your beautiful smile.

You were as bright as the sun. It wasn't hard not to notice you from a mile away. Your smile kindles a flame inside him that he can't seem to put out. It was your warmth and your kindness that had him in this chokehold. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he had fallen for you. But you didn't need to know that.

"Truthfully, this is so amazing! I still can't figure out how you do this. I can't wait to show this Michael," you gushed excitedly.

There it was.

His smile falters when you mention his brother, your husband. He reminds himself that there was no place for him in your heart. There never could be. You chose Micheal over Lucifer. He was always the brother-in-law, although at times he desperately wished to be your only one. But he could never break his brother's heart like that.

You were friends first before he introduced you to his brother. That's when he saw you fall at first sight, and it wasn't for him.

"(name)? love?" a man with a similar face as your best friend asks pushing the curtain aside, letting himself in the room.

"Michael! Happy birthday! Lucifer and I made something for you!" you greet presenting the little golden duck in his likeness.

He saw your bashful face, blooming with love. As much as it made him happy to see you both look so in love with each other. It would always break his heart.

"Ugh, before you two start getting frisky with each other. Get a room would ya?" Lucifer teases in a low tone resting his cheek on his hand, trying to hide the discomfort in his heart.

The couple blushes and retorts at Lucifer briefly. Michael signals something before you leave the duck in his hands. You walk towards Lucifer giving him a tight hug catching him off guard.

"What's this about, sunshine?" he tries to laugh off his surprise.

"Nothing. I just wanted to hug you," you gave him a toothy smile making him give a smile of his own to you. He closes his eyes, embedding how you smell and felt in his arms to his brain.

"We've got to go now. Join us for dinner sometime. Don't be a stranger!" you chuckled waving him goodbye.

"Yeah. Come over. She always complains about how she misses you," your husband teases you making you smack his arm.

After a final goodbye, both of your fly off leaving Lucifer to himself. He watches as your figure disappears into the distance leaning his head on the door frame of his home.

A heart-wrenching emotion envelops him as he longs for you affection that will never be attainable.

Oh, so trying to desperately catch something that wasn't his.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Michael Gavey - In a relationship - SFW/NSFW

warning : fluff, Michael being well Michael, drinking wine, degradation, oral (f reciving), lingerie, teasing

Info : Yeah what can I say besided Michael is the cute, clingy slightly obsessive sweet Nerd and I love it. Have fun reading ;)

—————————

SFW

°Affectionate, emotional and arrogant

°Michael loves you no question he loves you from the moment you brought him an extra sugar free candy bar when you bumped into each other alone one night. ,,Here, you never know when you're hungry...not like you can calculate it with a formula" you told him - a simple joke, no more, no less. But for him, for the involuntary genius, it was the beginning of something he thought he would never experience.

°The relationship with a woman

°But it was exactly that evening that he saw your kindness, friendliness and outstanding taste in men. It was bound to happen at some point that a girl like you recognized him after his "friend" Oliver left him and betrayed him. He had to have everything you wanted in a man, at least someone like him.

°Even in the first few days, even if he tries not to make it look like it, he clings to you, won't leave you and couldn't hide that big grin at lunch and during the break when his arm was around your side. He may have been the loser but with you he was above everyone.

°Every day he brought you a Crunchy and you brought him all of yours. He loved it when you gave him a math problem, he knew he was helping you with your homework when you took out your pencil and your smile made him giggle. ,,I deserve a kiss, don't I darling?" he loved to ask knowing she couldn't refuse her cute kahki pants and shirt wearing boyfriend.

°Who needs student parties, lonely beer times or anything else when they have you? You lead him into a well, slightly different world. Gone are the alone times in front of the computer, books and early bedtimes. He had you. You, on the other hand, took him to the drive-in movie theater where his hand kept running over yours while he had a crunchy bar in another one. He can't help but tell you fun facts about the movie and you roll your eyes in amusement as his mood suddenly changes when some of the moviegoers criticize the film. You can hear his screaming and he only calms down again with a surprised expression when your lips touch his. ,,My emotional mathematician tiger," you told him and saw his lips curl into a grin and a blush rise on his cheeks.

°You went out together in the evening and he insisted on going to a restaurant with you. He, the classic romantic, is of course always with a Crunchy bar with him. The two of you after the dinner date on which he had perhaps drunk a little too much wine he was nervous it was always a little true around you and it led to a relaxed sweet side of the blond. ,,You-you...youuuuu are soooo beautiful...soo prettyyyy," he slurred as he nestled his head lightly on your chest and began to count your heartbeat. It at least calmed him down and helped him come down from the alcohol.

°You maneuvered you too onto the bed, you couldn't get him off you but he loved it and you liked the way he mumbled praise the more tired he got. ,,You're so pretty...your heart beats in a symmetrical beat my darling" he murmured and his hand stroked through your hair as you smiled and took off his glasses and kissed him goodnight.

°However, he cannot separate himself from his darling even at night. No matter how much you twist and turn he stays snuggled up to you and you find out that he talks about math formulas in his sleep. Too cute. But he's a real blanket stealer and holds onto them with a strength you didn't expect from the math nerd.

°The morning starts with a hug, tea and pancakes. Pancakes he made himself while listening to a science lecture and telling you the latest gossip. The gossip he thinks is important and has picked up that he knows you'd like to have a laugh about in the morning.

°,,Does my lady have a math problem for me? A fact or...a crunchy bar?" he asked as he sat down next to you with a smile, sipping his tea and hugging his turquoise shirt to his body while his nightcap was still on his head. ,,I even have a kiss for you, my lord," she smiled and gave the already calculating man another kiss. From now on, every morning would be like this for the two of them.

———————————

NSFW

°Something you didn't know he had in him like his attachment would be his devotion to degradation. ,,My good girl will get full marks next time… isn't that right?" he asked his favorite as his long, shapely fingers snuck under his school skirt.

°He seemed to be a changed man when it came to revealing his inner self for every tease, look or misbehavior he takes out on you in one way or another. Not like the jocks who hit their girlfriends or the rich guys who played with everyone. No he was more sophisticated he played with her like a genius he enjoyed it.

°Which always starts with a simple hand on the thigh a hint. ,,You know what you have to do," he reminded her, leaning over as he saw that she was doing her homework all wrong. It was just homework and something like a game of cat and mouse developed between the two of them. For every wrong homework assignment, he pushed his fingers on her body, pulled her in his room and made her read the Math books while he fucked her into the mattress.

°For every math tiger attack from a boyfriend who was always watching her behind his sweet innocent gaze, the hug that lasted too long, him sucking in her scent, his lips whispering lewd words to her and leaving her with hot cheeks. she hit him back in her own way.

°She knew he adored her in every possible way, he was a pathetic desparet nerd after all.

°He was always watching her, his eyes were always on her. But above all, she always saw him licking his lips, adjusting his glasses and dropping his pencil when he saw her lingerie. Whether it was black, white, pink or purple, he loved to see his imagination run wild and before you got together he jerked off to every picture of you in that pretty lingerie. Tried to secretly take pictures to keep and not ruin them completely with his lust.

°But now it seemed like a callback to the time before you knew exactly how needy he was getting, forgetting to study and eating right out of your hand. An off-the-shoulder sweater with the straps of your bra showing, a short skirt that practically begged you to bend over and look underneath? There were scenarios for him to take advantage of all of them until it came to "studying" in the library. ,,Michael sweetie, tell me, what do you think of these?" he heard her quiet but sweet voice and looked up from his notebook in amazement.

°He saw how she had pulled up her skirt slightly and he had a perfect view of the dark red pantei, the tip of which nestled against her skin and she saw how he swallowed and looked around. But no one was there but them. ,,You want Mommy to do well on her exam, don't you?" she murmured, her hand sneaking onto his cheek, slowly taking his glasses off his nose, seeing him blink, but the pink on his cheeks let her know that the cute butterfly had been caught by the spider. ,,Yeah-anything for you, of course," he mumbled, his fantasy of having her for himself and giving her everything she wanted from him coming true thanks to his girlfriend.

°No sooner had he spoken than a pen suddenly fell to the floor and Michael disappeared under the large table and obediently, excitedly and aroused, went between her legs, kissing every inch of her. His fingers stroked the warm soft skin, kissing the birthmarks on the way to her center. He almost made a whimpering sound as her one hand placed itself on his head, playing a little with the strands of his hair while her shoe went down on his center. He was desperate just to please her, to give her everything so that she would continue to treat him like this, he didn't want to lose her, so he almost like a starving man didn't let go of her and took everything he got while his darling leaned back in the chair and praised him while he slowly began grinding against her leg like a lapdog. ,,Such a good boy-fuck for mommy".

°It didn't stop at just one time for each back and forth between the two of them, the other one made a point of making it stronger. Michael to fuck her harder, to moan the right answers straight to him. While she in return can just practically force him on his knees and use him like a toy and he would do anything for her just to get her sweet attention.

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Saw your Neil Gaiman post and as someone that found comfort in Good Omens (and got hyperfixated on it), I'm finally glad that some people are finally talking about how he isn't that great.

Even as a Fan, GOmens fandom is so...weird. See, in other fandoms people won't give much of a flying f/ck about the authors besides some mild respect or praise, but GOmens praise Neil SO HARD, despite giving off some iffy vibes (that now I understand why, after that big post) Never liked how almost every single POC character in GO has such a minimal role, same with women characters, the fact he's been caught (and that can be easily checked) lying about his ideas surrounding GOmens, the way he went from "Is not a romance, but it can be if you want to" -> "i always wrote it as a love story" also how he went from "There won't be another season because of Terry and because the ideas for the next book were incorporated in the show" -> "It was in 2019 when I finished writing S2 with the ideas I discussed with Terry before he died" and like seriously no one never noticed how much of a clown he his lying and backpedalling all over again again? Then there's how bad rep for fat people Sandman was and instead of accepting criticism he just keeps giving some "vague intelligent answer" and sits and waits for his legion of fans with a parasocial relationship to defend him. But somehow he's treated as a world treasure and a genius with a big brain. And this is less problematic and more petty but I'll be honest. He isn't that much of a good writer anyway? The prose is okay is good, but the worldbuilding and lore and characters is mostly edgy and lacks deepness. His fans seriously want to make a sea out of muddle puddles,,, and that's fair! Is such a big part of fan culture to dig into the smallests of things and make an universe out of a cardbox background character, but please, don't give Neil the credit that he doesn't deserve. And what proves more to me that he isn't that good of a writer, is just...take a look at that mess of a S2 of Good Omens, it was so bad that some people had to THEORIZE that it was bad on purpose. I have such a beef with S2, characters like Muriel, Saraqael and Michael and Maggie and Nina were so heavily promoted and of course everyone was hyped, finally more POC, more disabled characters, and yay, women! And they're lesbians! And and...and hold on, how it is that Muriel didn't do that much at all? How it is that Saraqael after being so hyped BARELY had almost nothing to do, is really that all the disabled rep we got? How is it that Michael and Uriel barely had anything to do and were just background characters again? It just angers me with how with so many fem-presenting characters, and POC and disabled persons cast, they literally add nothing to the series, AND NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT IT. Is just this endless praise for Neil and his oh big brain. All praise Neil Gaiman, our lord and saviour of queer people. HOW IT IS, THAT THE TWO LESBIANS HYPED ROMANCE WAS ALL RELATED TO AZIRAPHALE MEDDLING WITH THEM TRYING TO SHIP THEM? And it also was bad, very badly done, is really this the women representation we got, seriously??? Talking about misleading advertising.

S2 was such such a mess, it just shows how much Good Omens needed Terry to be, well, Good Omens. I really suspect Neil stole ideas from the fandom because S2 was just a trainwreck of all the fanfic tropes you could find in GO fandom and is almost disrespectful to Terry's work in Good Omens, and I don't care for how much Neil makes his friendship with Terry as a pity party and as a "it gives me so much joy, Terry would be so happy", because seriously it's almost manipulative. Talking about Manipulative. His meddling with fandom is starting to feel unprofessional, but this ask is already long... Sorry lmao, something on me snapped after getting finally the solid evidence that Neil .Is. Not. Great

Oh he’s always been completely unprofessional but since he types in a mixture of corporate-speak and “cool dad” talk his fanbase doesn’t notice.

Here’s the thing about Neil, he’s both petty and extremely insincere. People criticized lolicon sin his presence and he was so offended on the behalf of weirdos who pleasure themselves to Hentai depicting child molestation that he wrote a several paragraph long response dismissing simulated child pornography as simply being “icky speech” that should be protected by the sacred American constitution despite, you know, the fact he’s not even American so his weird obsession with the first amendment and only ever really bringing it up to defend simulated child porn is and always has been suspicious.

As for his backpedalling, the man sees $$$$ and just goes for anything he can find to make more. People love to say “oh but he donates tens of thousands to charity!” yeah, usually to HIS charity for bailing out pedophiles. With funds typically out of the wallets of his fans due to fundraising it rather than coming out of his own checkbook so it’s not exactly a charitable action as much as it’s an empty gesture. And frankly he almost certainly just does it for tax benefits if we’re going to be honest here. He continued good omens because it would make money and generate more attention towards him and he’d be the brave hero who brought back show that did well. That’s it.

He’s just discount, off-brand Elon. Rich white man who thinks he’s gods gift to man despite bumbling through even the most basic concepts because his fans would walk into traffic blindfolded to defend him from even the mildest of criticism.

People on here just like him because they’re starstruck that a creator of a popular IP is active on this site and because he produces media that’s adapted with white middle aged twinks who are dubiously romantically affiliated.

[distortionbobble]

pairing: michael 'mikey' berzatto x f!reader

warnings: angst with no happy ending, talks about substance abuse, no mention of mikey's s*icide

a/n: i don't know why i got the idea for this but then i started writing it and then more came and i couldn't stop and then it got a little too personal for me! so here we are. listened to dial drunk by noah kahan while writing this

wc 5K

You can’t cook for shit. And maybe that says something about you, says something about the way you were raised because your mother was a fuckin’ culinary genius but you didn’t seem to get much of that. You didn’t get much from your mother, including her time. But it didn’t matter much when you were younger, because your babysitter’s house was right next to the Berzatto’s. Natalie Berzatto happened to be just your age and she’d taken you in pretty damn quickly. After that, you were one of the Bears, no question about it. You looked after Carmy like he was your own brother, laughed at Richie’s jokes and called him Cousin like he was one. But Mikey… 

Well, Mikey was another story. 

And then you’d gotten swept off of your feet by your boyfriend, the one who promised that the two of you would be stars together in L.A. Chicago had been left behind, with Mikey and Richie and Sugar and Carmy in it. L.A. had been nice, at first— you were a waitress and he was looking for jobs. Then he stopped looking for jobs, and you were still a waitress. By the time you realized that you had walked into a dead end it had been five years, and you didn’t have anything to show for it. So you packed it up, headed back to Chicago and Natalie and Carmen and Richie and Michael. Back to your safe place. The Berzattos. 

You stand before their house now with a tote bag full of farmers market veggies, something that you started doing when you were back in California. Your heart is in your throat— you’re nervous, you realize— but you knock and the door swings open almost instantly. Sugar stands before you, her typical sweetness held back by a reservation that you earned by calling her less and less as the years went by. You swallow, about to say something, but she pulls you in for a hug, and her arms feel like you never left. 

“Hey, Spice,” she murmurs into your hair, squeezing you tight. Sugar and Spice, always together. That’s what the two of you were. 

“Hey, Sug.” 

“You didn’t call,” she whispers, still holding on to you tightly. She’s right, you know it, and there’s so much to tell her because of it. You just hold her tighter. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” She pulls away from you, eyeing you up and down before she smiles brightly and pulls you into the kitchen. 

“Carmy, Mikey, Richie, look alive! Guess who’s here!” She shouts, and the three all stop their chaotic kitchen shenanigans to look at you. 

“Spice? No fuckin’ way. Finally left that jagoff for good, huh?” Richie jokes, pulling you in for a hug. 

“Sure did, Cousin,” you grin, clapping his back. Richie may be a special breed of insane but you can’t deny the love you have for him. 

“Good to see ya, Spice,” Carmy smiles, pulling you in for a side hug. Your awkward pseudo-little brother, the one who you helped with English in high school and always wanted to be around you and Sugar when you went out. 

“You too, Carm.” 

And then there was one. 

Michael Berzatto stands in the middle of the kitchen, and he feels the way he always does, like he’s filled every part of the room and you’re connected to him even before you’re touching him. 

“You look good, Spice,” he says. Your arms wrap around his middle and you hold him tight— he smells like oregano and parsley and spices, and you press your head into his chest as you let yourself be engulfed by him. It feels right, this. 

“Thanks, Mikey Bear,” you say, lifting your head but still in his embrace. He smiles softly, brushing your cheekbone with the back of his knuckles and then releases you. 

“So, like I was saying before Spice so rudely interrupted me, huh?” He grins, biting his tongue cheekily when you scoff in mock amusement. “Richie and I, we’re at the bar and this asshole, he’s all ‘Quit staring at my girl,’ but the chick had just spilled peanuts, like, all over the floor of the fuckin’ bar. Shit’s a mess, like bro, we’re just wondering if you’re gonna clean it up. Yeah, he did not like that. Not a little bit. So he gets all,” Mikey puffs up his chest and squares back his shoulders, staring down at you as he pretends to get up in your space. “And Richie and I, we’re like—“ 

“Dude, what the fuck?” Richie chimes in, laughing. “Wasn’t so funny three seconds later when he’s got a big ol’ kabar knife out and he’s slashing at Mikey’s bicep.”

“Yep, still got the scar,” Michael laughs, rolling up the sleeve of his t-shirt to show the silvery puckered skin on his upper arm.  

“Chrissake, Mikey,” you laugh, reaching out to trace it with your fingers. 

“Hey, Spice, you mind helping me prep the veggies?” Sugar asks from behind you.

“You sure you wanna have her doing that?” Carmy asks with a shy grin. “She might add her fingers or somethin’ to it, the klutz.” 

“Still shit at cooking, huh, Spice?” Michael laughs at you. You narrow your eyes playfully. 

“I’ll have you know, Michael Berzatto, that I can in fact make a mean grilled cheese. Just so you know.” Michael smiles as you begin to slice the vegetables at a painstakingly slow pace. 

“Alright Spice, then you gotta make me a nice grilly cheese, ‘kay?” Michael grins. 

Sugar whispers something to Michael, making him clear his throat awkwardly. You have no doubt it’s a reminder to him to be gentle; that you’re fragile, damaged goods right now. She’s right. It’s a reminder of the time you wasted with that man, but it doesn’t matter now. 

You keep cutting the veggies. 

~~~

It’s around nine by the time that dinner’s all done and the dishes all cleaned. Your laughter hasn’t run out but you’re tired, and you need the time alone to go and feel sorry for yourself. You deserve that, you think, because you went and pushed Sugar away when she had your back like nobody else. Still does. Loyalty like that doesn’t come easy. 

She had her hand on the side of your chair the whole dinner, like you were gonna bolt at any second and it was the only way she could keep you by her side. You wanna tell her that it’s for good now; that you’ll be by her side forever now. It’s just that it got hard to call when she’d ask you about your life and it felt fucking pathetic to tell her you moved all the way out here for an asshole who didn’t do his own dishes. So when telling her the truth got too hard you stopped telling her anything. And that’s on you. But you’re back now, and that’s the best you can offer. 

You’re walking to the trunk of your car, tote bag now stacked with little Pyrex dishes with leftovers of Mikey and Carmy’s creations, when Mikey calls your name from the doorway. He jogs out to you when you look up, surprised.

“Hey, lemme help you put your shit back,” Mikey offers, but you know Mikey enough to know that’s just a poor excuse. He lingers by the trunk as you shut it, taking a quick breath before he gathers his courage. You’ve never seen Michael nervous like that. “So, um, Spice. You’re—you suck at cooking.” 

“Thanks so much, Michael. Is that what you came out here to say?” You laugh, shoving his shoulder away as you walk to your door. 

“No, no, I was wondering if you’d like to learn to cook. From me, I mean. Just the basics, y’know, but— we could do it, yeah?” And you wonder why Mikey even bothered asking because he’s Michael fuckin Berzatto and you could never say no to him. You nod excitedly, maybe a little too excitedly, but you missed him and you missed his energy and you want to be around him so of course you’d say yes. Without a heartbeat of doubt. 

“Yeah, Mikey. I’d fuckin’ love that.” It’s hot in Chicago tonight, and the pavement is radiating heat or maybe it’s Michael, because you feel warm inside and you think part of you’s gonna stay stuck here forever. Forever with Mikey, that sounds nice.  

~~~

You’re starting off easy with spaghetti tonight. You bought some new pans and shit, hoping to get it all set up before Mikey comes. You’re thinking about him long before he comes— about how you felt about when you were kids, that bashful feeling you’d get when he’d say hi and that little flicker of jealousy when he talked to other girls or about other girls in front of you. But Mikey Bear was so hopelessly off limits— it’s not like him and Sugar had a bad relationship but she’d never be truly okay with you dating him. Besides, you never did get the vibe that he felt the same way. So you admired from afar, and enjoyed Mikey the same way everyone else did. 

But maybe it’ll be different today. Just maybe. 

Mikey rings the doorbell and he fills the room the second you open the door, big and loud and joking around as he sets down big cans of tomato sauce and eggs and flour. 

“Okay so I got the spaghetti from the store—“ 

“Stop right there,” Mikey interrupts. “Spice, if we’re cooking, we’re going all out,‘kay? Now c’mere, I want you to grab a knife and start cutting this onion up.” Mikey grabs his phone and starts playing some music from the tinny-sounding speaker. It’s not a song you recognize but Mikey sings along to it anyways, humming and stirring the eggs and flour to make the pasta himself. 

You work on cutting the onions but you’re slow, something that doesn’t surprise you but you feel a little embarrassed next to Mikey. 

“Spice, hey, hey, Spice, you’re cuttin’ those up all wrong,” Mikey says in quick alarm. He comes up from behind you, fingers encircling your wrist as he presses his chest into your back. You don’t know if you’re breathing— you think you forgot how to, the warmth of his body making your brain short circuit. Mikey covers your hand with his own, moving the knife through the onion and leaning down so his face is next to yours. 

“All done,” Mikey murmurs, stepping back, and the immediate loss of his warmth sends a pang of want up your spine. 

You work for the rest of his dinner under his guidance, enjoying how he tells you about Tina and Ebra and what Fak’s been up to, laughing at all the right points and feeling so much like that version of you that had been so in love with him. He makes the pasta from scratch, making a mess of your kitchen counters, but mess is a memory and you’re glad to make it with Mikey.  

He’s so gentle with you, and it’s obvious in the way he talks about your life in L.A.. He offers you a job at The Beef but you turn it down, knowing it’ll just run you back to what you ran from, just this time without the dead weight. But he’s so fuckin’ sweet it might rot your teeth. Mikey makes you feel like you’re some sort of comedic genius— like every word that comes out of your mouth is one that he couldn't be more fascinated by. You’re sure he’s like this with everyone (because that’s who Michael Berzatto is, he walks into a room and everyone loves him) but you feel… special. And maybe he really does care because he’s got this look in his eye that makes you wanna lean in and kiss him the way you wanted to when you were young and he was only a couple years older or when he watched chick flicks with you and Sug because he wanted to spend time with her. You’ve gotten the little side rays of his light but this, this sweetness unfiltered and on your tongue, he’s so bright and you can’t look away and you want all of him. All of Michael Berzatto. 

“Alright, Spice. What was the best part of L.A.?” Mikey asks you as you set the plates of spaghetti down on the table, sitting across from him. 

“Uh. Leaving it?” You laugh, prompting Mikey to laugh too. 

“Nah, but I’m serious. There’s gotta be one thing that you liked about it, right?” He asks, leaning his elbows on the table. The pieces of his hair fall into his face, giving him that rugged, could-care-less Mikey look that you’ve never been able to resist. 

“Okay, well, uh, there was this crow who was always right by my apartment complex, and I know it sounds ridiculous, but he knew me. Like, I’d feed him seeds and fruits and shit like that every single day before my shifts, and most days it felt like he was the only living thing in that city who would care if I was gone. He’d bring me coins and twigs and bits and baubles all the time and I thought it was just the sweetest. And then one day I saw that he had a little nest with little eggs in it and then I thought, y’know, I think it’s time for me to move on too.” You smile at the memory. 

“Fuckin’ Snow White over here,” Mikey teases. 

“Shut up,” you laugh. “So what about you? How has The Beef been running? I’m so proud of you about it, by the way. And I heard you moved in to help Donna out. You’re the fuckin’ sweetest, Mikey Bear.” You see Mikey’s eyes dim for a second— just a brief flash, gone so fast you thought you imagined it, because the next second he’s back to smiling and laughing. 

“It’s good, Spice. It’s real good.”

“And you love it?” You guessed, smiling. Mikey sips his water and smiles back at you. You take note of his silence but don’t say anything, eating your spaghetti as he moves on to the next great Mikey story. 

~~~ 

Mikey comes over a lot. It’s not every day but it’s damn near close to it. It’s comfortable. He comes by your house on the way back to the Berzatto house, and he brings food and teaches you how to cook and peel and season and makes you feel loved through his food. You feel special, like the great Mikey Bear chooses to spend time with you so often. 

You’re making chicken-pepper tonight, which is something that The Beef holds on its menu. 

“I feel pretty special, being taught by a subject matter expert on this,” you tease Mikey as he murmurs a behind, hands ghosting your hips as he squeezes past you in your tight kitchen. 

“Alright, Spice, you gotta give me some room here,” he grunts, towel slung over his shoulder as he moves the pan with the chicken off of the stove. 

“I’m trying, Mikey, but there’s no damn room and I still wanna watch what you do,” you groan. He nods, like he’s thinking of something— which is dangerous, because Mikey’s ideas usually are. Before you can register it, Mikey’s bent down and wrapped his big, beefy arms around your waist and hoisted you onto your countertops. 

“This work, Spice?” He asks cheekily, seasoning the chicken as you blink in surprise. 

“I mean… I guess so,” You stammer out, confused. You’re distracted as you watch him cook, your mind dwelling on the feeling of his hands on your body, thinking about what it might feel like if he came over here and kissed you right now. You’ve missed several steps by the time that Michael calls out your name, holding out a fork with a little piece of chicken on it. 

“Where’d you go, Spice?” He asks you softly, blowing on the food before he holds it to your mouth. Mikey’s eyes are tender as they meet yours— no judgment, just a genuine want to know what you’re thinking. It makes you think of the difference with how your ex treated you, how he’d ridicule you when you got lost in thought. “You do that a lot?” You shrug, chewing on the chicken as you nod. 

“Mikey, that’s delicious,” you smile. You’re lost in his eyes for a second, and the world feels like it hit pause. The warm glow of your kitchen lights make everything softer, and your hand reaches out to rest against Mikey’s face. You rub your thumb softly against his skin and he’s staring back at you, eyes gentle as he looks at you. 

“Hey, can I- can I try something?” You ask, almost shyly as you steel yourself with the courage to go through with it. When Mikey nods you push yourself straight, lips hovering a centimeter away from his before he bridges the gap. His lips are soft and warm against yours, moving just slightly before he pulls back. 

“Spice, I… I’m sorry, but we can’t,” Mikey says, taking a step back as a red flush rises up his neck. 

“No, I’m sorry, I get it,” you say, heart beating rapidly. You try to squash the swell of nausea but you can’t, the anxiety welling up in you as you realize you’ve gone and fucked it up. “Um, should we eat now?” 

“Nah, I think— I think I’m gonna head home, Mom probably needs me,” Mikey says, swallowing roughly. You want to cry— you can’t lose him, but you’ve got to give him his space. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” You ask hopefully, a surge of disappointment rising at his hesitant nod. Then he’s out the door, raking a hand through his strands and leaving his hair in disarray. Your nose twitches at the smell of something burning— Mikey forgot to turn off the heat, and now the chicken’s burning. Shit. There goes your dinner, along with the rest of the night. Fucked. 

~~~

You waited for Michael the next day. And the next. It took you about a week to realize he wasn’t coming back, and while that was difficult to swallow, you realized you had to keep going. And for the next month you made the dishes you’d made with Mikey, practiced cooking on your own, always making enough for two just in case he stopped by. 

You regret the kiss. Of course you do. You thought there was something between you— all that tension building in the kitchen every time you cooked with him, the softness of his hands and how intimate every moment with him felt. But you were wrong. He just saw you as Sugar’s best friend and probably treated you with kindness because of that. Maybe even because he pitied you. Whatever it was, it was your fault that it had fallen apart. 

Tonight, though, you have a date. No more sitting around pitying yourself, you’re going out. Sugar connected you with one of Pete’s friends, who’s coming tonight to pick you up and go to a restaurant. You’ve got on your nicest dress, did your hair and makeup and you look good, dammit. So why does it feel like something’s missing?

There’s a sharp rap on your door as you struggle to hook the clasp of your necklace, the noise making you lose your focus. 

“Coming!” You call out, a hint of frustration light in your voice as you attempt to hook it while you open the door. To your surprise, it’s Michael at the door, standing with a big grin and a few bags of groceries in his hands. 

“Hey, Spice. You’re lookin’ good,” he comments lowly, a hum sitting behind his teeth as he looks you up and down. Your surprise doesn’t outweigh the flutter in your belly when he says that. 

“Thanks, Mikey,” you say, hugging the door. “Didn’t realize you were coming today, Bear.” 

“You mind if I come inside?” He asks— it’s a formality, he’s already one foot in the door before you can say a word. 

“I’ve actually going to dinner tonight, hence the looking-nice-today,” you supply, closing the door after him awkwardly. 

“Spice, you look good everyday,” Mikey protests, already headed to the kitchen to put down his bags. “For dinner tonight— branzino?” 

“Mikey, Bear, you didn’t hear me right, honey. I’m— I’m going out. For a date.” Michael freezes then, bags slipping through his fingers as some shadow crosses his face. 

“Oh.” Oh? That’s all he has to say? Whatever. 

“Yeah. And I’m, um, I’m sorry about the— the, y’know, the kiss. I feel really terrible about it.” You reach back to attempt to fix the clasp, but Mikey’s already walking towards you. 

“Nah, lemme get that for you,” he says, and his fingers sweep across the back of your neck, right where it’s sensitive, following the bumps of your spine to where you’re holding the clasp up and he takes it from you. Mikey looms over you as he stands behind you and he’s so everything that you almost feel like he’s engulfing you. It’s bad that you want to throw yourself into his arms and say fuck the date. Especially because that’s not what Mikey wants. 

There’s a knock on the door by the time he’s finished figuring out the contraption. 

“That’s him,” you say, turning to him shyly. “Whaddya think, Bear? Does it look nice?” 

“Get the door, Spice,” he says quietly, leaning back on the kitchen counter as you fake a smile at his subtle rejection. You open the door and Pete’s friend stands there— typical finance bro, Patagonia vest and all but you’ll hand it to him that he looks nice. 

“Hey, Jacob,” you smile, reaching out to hug him. “It’s nice to meet you. Come on in, I’ll just grab my shoes and my keys and then we can go?” 

“Sounds good,” Jacob responds, kicking off his shoes and stepping into your apartment. “I’m Jacob, it’s nice to meet you,” he extends a hand to Mikey, who just looks at it stoically. 

“And I didn’t ask. Spice, you’re going out with this guy? Nope. Josh or whatever the fuck your name was, you can leave now.” Jacob stammers as he looks at you and Mikey, unsure of what to do. 

“Mikey, cool it, you’re being a bit of an asshole right now,” you say, slipping your purse over your shoulder. 

“Nah. Leave,” he says, standing up straight. And it’s fucking intimidating. You’ve never seen Mikey like this, all big and mean and up in someone else’s face. “You don’t even deserve to be in her apartment right now. And I’m being nice to you so fuckin’ get a move on and leave.”

“Michael Berzatto!” You admonish, but Jacob is already backing up. 

“Look man, I don’t know what’s going on here but I just came to take her on a date—“

“And that right there is the problem. You ever come round here again and I swear to you you’ll regret it,” Michael snarls. His face is distorted with red-hot anger, and you don’t know what you can do. 

“I think it’s best you leave,” you murmur to Jacob. “I’m sorry about this,” you say, walking him to the door as Michael fumes behind you. The door closes with a soft click, and you rest your head on the cool surface as you gather yourself. 

“Spice, I-“ 

“Michael Berzatto, what the fuck was that?” You shout. He winces and you know you should reign it in, keep your cool, but you’re absolutely furious with him. “You embarrassed me back there!”

“Spice, baby, he doesn’t deserve you. I’m just lookin’ out for you,” he murmurs, but there’s a desperate quality to it. Like he wants to convince you but even more so himself. 

“This is just fucking— this is unfair as fuck, Michael,” you warn, tossing your jacket and purse onto the couch in your anger. You reach back to undo the necklace Michael had just put on you, smacking his arm away when he reaches out to help you. “If he doesn’t fucking deserve me, who does, huh? You? Does the great Michael Berzatto deserve me?” You sneer angrily, pushing his chest as you get in his space 

“I don’t deserve you,” He responds quietly, meeting your eyes with such tragedy that it chips away at your stony resolve. When you go silent at his words, he hesitantly reaches out to cradle your jaw, tucking his fingers behind your ear and stroking his thumbs on your jaw. “I don’t, Spice. I’m a fucking mess and that’s why I didn’t come around for so long because if I came back,” Mikey swallows softly, leaning down to your face so that his forehead is pressed against yours, his nose brushing yours and you can’t think about anything other than his lips, his lips that you wanna kiss but can’t, shouldn’t—“I’d wanna kiss you all over again.” 

“Can’t you let me make that decision?” You plead, encircling Mikey’s wrists with your hands as he pulls away, staring at you like you’re a memory of something he’s lost. “I’m right here, Bear,” you remind him, snapping him out of his reverie. He tries to move his hands away but you hold on tighter, pleading him silently to stay, to fix this. 

“Forget me, Spice. For your own sake.” Mikey pulls away, giving you a look full of longing and regret, and leaves you, with just his two bags of groceries and the faint feeling that your heart just got broken. 

~~~

It’s been a month since that night. Time feels like molasses—sticky, slow around you as you wade through everyday life. It feels like you’re being pulled back to him— every meal you eat, you wish it was with him; every time you meet with Sugar, you’re dragged back to the memory of him, the ghost of his presence just hovering behind your shoulder. You’re stuck, but you’re doing your best to make it through. After all, it’s not like you have another option. Mikey’s changing, too. You see it proximally— the way Sugar dims when Mikey’s mentioned, the way that he banned Carmy from The Beef. He’s lashing out, you know it, but you can’t interfere. It’s not your place. 

You’ve been going over to Sugar’s a lot now. She’s got that boy, Pete, who may be a little boring but he anchors her and he treats her right and she loves him. He’s exactly what Sugar has ever needed. It makes you think of your own life, what you need, and if you’ll ever get it. Because the more time that passes, you get more and more convinced that the Mikey-sized hole in your life can’t be filled by anyone else. You can’t think of anyone else who has brought more comfort to your life, who knows you more than anyone, who makes your heart thump with just a smile. Maybe Mikey was it, and now you’re never gonna get that back. 

You’re coming back from Sugar’s, sitting silently in your car with your head resting on the cool glass window as you think of Mikey. You do a lot of that. The ring of your phone snaps you out of your memories, your ringtone singing out in the space of your car as you sit and watch it go. It feels like a grenade, like something ominous so you let it ring, the feeling of something unsettled heavy in your stomach. And right before the call drops, you pick up. 

“Hello?” You ask, the unfamiliar Caller ID throwing you off. There’s a beat of silence and you move to hang up, thinking that it’s just spam. 

“Spice,” Mikey’s voice rings out. His speech is slurred, slow, and that heavy feeling in your gut sits like a boulder when you hear his voice. The sound of it makes tears well up in your eyes, and you grip the leather of your steering wheel to ground yourself. Why did he call? Didn’t he tell you to forget him? “Spice, could you come get me from the police precinct on 9th?” 

“What did you do?” You whisper, hanging up and putting the key back in the ignition to go get him. You hate yourself for doing this, for being at his beck and call as you speed on your way to the station. It’s late, the fluorescents buzzing overhead when you stride into the police station. 

“I’m here to pay bail for Michael Berzatto?” You ask the desk jockey in front of you, already pulling out your wallet. 

“You the one that hung up on him?” He asks, squinting at you as he takes your card and processes it. You nod, just wanting to see Michael already. “Huh. We didn’t think you’d come,” He scoffs. “Anyways, since he listed you as his emergency phone call, we thought you should know; we found this in his coat pocket, has his name on it and everything but just in case.” He hands you a little orange prescription bottle, only a quarter of it left as the pills rattle in the bottle. Painkillers. You tamp down your shock and nod, choosing to stay wordless so you don’t incriminate him. The jockey sighs, standing up and beckoning you to follow him to the Drunk Tank. You spot Mikey immediately, shaggy strands falling before his eyes, beard grown out and that tired, tired look on his face that just pierces your stomach. 

“Michael Berzatto?” The jockey calls out, clearly bored. Michael’s head snaps up and you see that heartbreaking combination of regret and gratefulness in his eyes when he sees you. “You’re free to go,” He sighs, waving Mikey out and shutting the door again. 

“I didn’t think you’d come,” He stammers, uncertain, looking down at you like he doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do now. You nod sharply, unable to find the words as you walk briskly to your car. Mikey trails behind you like a drawn-out shadow, lingering behind you as you throw open the passenger side door and make your way to your own door. 

“Get in,” You call out, buckling your seatbelt and staring straight ahead stubbornly. He follows suit, looking almost out of place as his large frame settles in the passenger seat. You make it to the first traffic light out of the precinct before you manage to say a word, frustration making your eyes sting with tears. 

“Are you abusing painkillers?” You ask him abruptly, dabbing the corners of your eyes with the pads of your fingers as tears escape you. He’s silent next to you, because he knows you know. You look over at him and his jaw is clenched, gaze trained at his hands as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Why didn’t you ask us for help?” You ask him desperately as the silence becomes traitorous. “You’ve got something good going on. You can get better, Mikey,” You plead with him. 

“You think I could ask you for help?” He asks, gripping the side of the door as he looks up at you. “You think I could ask Sugar for help? And be that fuckin’ selfish?” He sniffs, wiping his own tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m like a black hole, Spice. All my fucked-up shit would just pull you in and suck out your good until you’re just like me.” You nod, looking ahead as you continue driving in silence. 

“And you really believe that?” You ask, disbelief lacing your tone. “You think it’s better to go through this alone?” 

“I can get out of this,” he protests, and you don’t know who he’s trying to convince. 

“You don’t have to,” You say quietly. “Michael, please stop pushing us away,” you plead, a sob catching in the back of your throat. He’s scaring you now, the way he’s talking, the danger that he’s in. You just want him safe. 

“I can’t,” Michael admits, tears falling freely from his eyes as he confesses. “I’m not strong enough to stop and there’s no way out for me.” 

“Yes there is!” You shout. “Michael, look at me! There is a way out of this and you deserve that way out! You won’t be hurting anyone if you ask for help. We need you just as much as you need us, Mikey.” You sigh, pulling into your apartment complex finally. 

“I love you, Michael,” You confess, holding his hand and forcing him to look at you. “I have for a long, long time, and that’s not going anywhere. I don’t want anything in return,” You say softly, stroking his knuckles as he closes his eyes, leaning forward to rest his forehead on yours. “Just stay safe with me. For now, okay?” You ask, quietly pulling away, eager to get him into your apartment where you know he’ll be safe. Mikey nods. 

You don’t know if he’ll be safe tomorrow. But for now, he’s safe with you, and that’s all that matters.

[hoedamn-eron]

baby, please - part 15

You join Santi at Frankie's Halloween party, and you think his friends are a hoot.

Warnings: Reader is called 'Auntie' by a four year old. Heavy on the Halloween theme (obviously). Bad descriptions of a decorated house (I've never been one to celebrate Halloween, I've never really decorated my house). Lots of dialogue. Like one swear word. Slight, teeny-tiny, self-consciousness regarding future relationships for the babies/Santi/the boys/other kids. Nervousness over meeting new people. Slightly drunk Santi. Word count: 4,301 F!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Again, not a great chapter, I apologise. I tried my best and no amount of rewriting could make me love it. But at least you've met the guys now!

Part 14 ● Series Masterlist ● Part 16

“I’m actually really excited for tonight, thanks for inviting me,” Gabrielle said as she walked into your apartment, kids in tow, already dressed in their costumes, the Hulk and…Michael Myers.

Theodore looked up at you as you closed your door, and he gave a loud roar, before ‘flexing’ his arms. “Hulk smash!”

You grinned before pretending to act shocked. “Please, Mr Hulk, don’t smash up my apartment! I’m moving out soon and need it to look nice for the new owners.”

“Are you leaving?” Theodore asked, lifting his mask, and looking at you with sad eyes.

You shake your head. “No, I’m just getting a bigger house, for me and my babies.” You pat your bump.

“Okay,” Theodore said, going quiet before asking, “Can I smash your new house then?”

“No smashing of other people’s property,” Gabrielle said, putting Luna down on the floor as the two-year-old toddled off into your living room.

You look at Gabrielle with an amused look at Theodore followed his sister. “So…Michael Myers?”

Gabrielle rolled her eyes as she made her way through your apartment, bags in hand. “I don’t know where she got it from, but she refused any other costume. I asked Matthew about it, but he’s claiming ignorance. It was definitely him though, but I’m not sure when he’s had the chance to watch Halloween with our two-year-old.”

You throw your hands up. “I mean…if Luna likes it – “

“Won’t people think I’m being a bad mother letting her dress up as a serial killer from a movie?”

“No-one’s going to think you’re a bad mother, Gabs. If anything, they’ll find it funny. I know Santi will.”

Gabrielle pulled a face before shaking her head. “It’s fine. You know what, it’ll be fine. I’m overthinking it.”

“You are a little. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” You look at her bags. “What are you dressing as?”

“A pirate,” Gabrielle replied. “And I made it myself with an old shirt and pants. They haven’t fit me since before I was pregnant with Luna so I thought they might as well have one last good use.”

You nod. “Cool. I’m going as Midge, you know, the - ”

“The Barbie doll?” Gabrielle cried, her eyes widening as she laughed. “That’s genius!”

“I have a wig and everything,” you laugh with her. “I hope it’s not too niche.”

“No, it’s great! I can’t wait to see it!”

You get ready together in your small bathroom as the kids watched cartoons and ate some dinner (Luna had refused to take off her mask until Gabrielle had bought out the PB&J sandwich and banana). Gabrielle looked amazing in her home-made costume (an old stripy black and white t-shirt, and some black pants that had been strategically cut to look ripped), complete with eyepatch and red head scarf. She helped you get into your costume until you both laughed with tears in your eyes, finding yourselves absolutely hilarious. You laughed even more when you placed on your red-haired wig.

“I need a photo!” Gabrielle said, still laughing, before you posed at the bathroom door as she took the picture, a wide smile on your face as you hold your bump.

After a few more laughs, and some photos with Gabrielle and the kids, you share the photos with the group chat, where Beth and Courtney both send back images of their own Halloween plans; Courtney at home with Andy, on the couch watching horror films with a big bowl of candy they were going to hand out to the trick or treaters, and Beth and Georgia at another Halloween party with Georgia’s family, where they were both dressed in a couple’s costume of She-Go and Kim Possible.

Once you and Gabrielle were ready, and the kids had finished their sandwiches, you text Santi to let him know you were on the way to Frankie’s house. He had sent over Frankie’s address earlier that day, and it wasn’t too far from the restaurant you had your date at. You set up your GPS as Gabrielle got the kids settled in the back of your car, settled in the car seats you had borrowed from Georgia via Beth.

“Are you nervous?” Gabrielle asked as she climbed into your car and closed the door.

“About what?” you ask, looking behind you as you backed out of your parking space.

“Me meeting Santi, or Santi meeting me,” Gabrielle answered.

“No, not at all,” you answer back, pulling out onto the street. “I’m more nervous about meeting his friends. He holds them in such high regard, I’m scared I’ll disappoint them.”

“You could never,” Gabrielle says. “You’re having the guys kids, I’m sure they’ll trust his judgement.”

You give her a look.

“Not that there’s anything to judge, you’re a wonderful person, I love you,” Gabrielle quickly adds, sending you a wide smile with a small giggle.

“Thanks, really appreciate it,” you snark back good-naturedly, shaking your head as you laugh.

“Auntie?” Theodore calls you from his place in the back.

“Yes, honey?” you ask him as you stop at some lights.

“When are your babies coming?”

“Not until February,” you reply. “We have to do Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and my birthday, then I’ll have my babies.”

“Can we meet them when they’re born?” Theodore asks.

“Not until they’re all settled at home,” Gabrielle said. “Remember when we bought Luna home, and it was just me, you, Luna, and daddy for a while?”

“Yup,” Theodore said.

“Well that’s because we all needed to get to know Luna first, wasn’t it?” Gabrielle asked. “So your Auntie and…her…friend…”

You smirk in amusement as Gabrielle tried to explain your relationship with Santi in a child friendly way. You make a right turn, making your way onto a residential street, already with a few trick or treaters.

“Anyway, your Auntie and her friend will be with the babies for a little bit before we get to see them.”

“Who is your friend, Auntie?” Theodore asked.

“His name is Santiago,” you reply. “You’ll meet him tonight.”

Theodore is quiet for a little bit before saying, “I thought mommies and daddies had to be married to have babies?”

“Who’s excited for the party?” you asked enthusiastically, causing Luna to cheer, Theodore soon joining, causing the four-year-old to soon forget his questions.

Gabrielle grinned before quietly whispering, “Nice save, you heathen.”

“I may be a heathen, but you will have to explain to your kids why I’m pregnant without being married. We’re here!” you call, pulling up to a nice-looking house, covered in Halloween decorations. The house was covered in fake cobwebs and ‘Keep Out!’ tape was stuck on the doors and windows.

There was a large, blow-up witch by the front door, and a few fake gravestones littering the front yard, some skeletons hanging over some, and you could see fake spiders with light up eyes scattered over the yard with them. The lighting inside the house was lightly fading into different colours, like purple, red, green, and orange. Lastly, you spot Jack-o’-Lanterns gathered together by the garage and the steps leading up the small porch, and the front door.

“This looks nice,” you say, looking at all the decorations.

Gabrielle nodded, smiling. “Looks like fun! Let’s go!”

You climb out of the car, giving a small shiver at the chill of the Autumn air, before getting Luna out as Gabrielle tended to Theodore. You hold the two years old’s hand as Gabrielle comes to your side, holding Theodore’s hand and the children’s bag over her shoulder. You all make your way up to the front door, before you stop, but you stand there, nervous. The sound of laughter, chatter, and faint music spills out from it, mingling with the rustle of fallen leaves.

You look at Gabrielle. “I feel really nervous. And really stupid because I feel really nervous.”

“It’s okay to feel nervous, and you’re not stupid,” Gabrielle said. “There’s a lot of things happening tonight, and if you’re not comfortable, we can just forget this and walk around the neighbourhood with the kids.”

You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. Gabrielle was right, there was a lot happening tonight. One of the most important people in your life is meeting an equally as important person. And in turn, you’ll be meeting the most important people in his life. You're grateful for Gabrielle’s comforting presence of your friend, her reassuring smile helping to ease the nervous tension.

Eventually you nod at Gabrielle before turning back to the door before ringing the doorbell.

After a few moments, your heart stops as the front door opens. You’re faced with a gorgeous woman, her thick, dark hair cascading in loose waves, sat under a witch’s hat. It framed her face, where her flawless sun-kissed skin was decorated with the glitter and Halloween make-up. She looks at you all with her dark eyes before gasping, her eyes widening in excitement. She calls your name.

“Yes, that’s me,” you say, smiling nervously. You assume this is Sarah. “And this is Gabrielle, my friend. And her kids, Theodore, and Luna.”

“I’m so glad you could make it! I’m Sarah. I’ve been so excited to meet you, can’t believe Santi kept you to himself for so long. Anyway, come in, come in,” she ushers you all in, closing the door behind you. “Your costumes look fantastic! Everyone’s just in the living room, I can put your bag in the closet?” she asks Gabrielle.

“Oh, no I’m fine, thank you, I can do it,” Gabrielle said.

“It’s no problem,” Sarah said, taking the bag from Gabrielle. “Go on through!”

You and Gabrielle thank her again before you make your way through the house. It was a small corridor that lead into an open plan living room, where it was just as heavily decorated as the outside. You feel your heart beating harder as nervousness ran through your body, as you take in the people in the living room. It was a little loud, but not too loud where it was obnoxious. The kids immediately let go of yours and Gabrielle’s hands at the sight of the toys scattered around the living room, throwing themselves on the floor and immediately playing.

Your eyes widen a little as you take in the small crowd. Santi wasn’t here. And you didn’t recognise anyone other than Frankie (who hadn’t actually put on a costume), and he was stood with a good-looking blonde man and a cute redheaded woman, who was hanging off of the man’s arm. The blonde and redhead were in a couple’s costume of Daphne and Fred from Scooby-Doo. Frankie chuckled at something the pirate said, before turning and catching your eye.

“Oh hey!” Frankie called as he saw you. He excuses himself from his group and makes his way over to you. “Glad you could make it.”

“Thanks again for the invite,” you say, giving a nervous laugh before turning to Gabrielle, who smiled at him. “This is my friend, Gabrielle, and her kids Theodore and Luna, who are absolutely demolishing your daughter’s toys.”

Frankie waved a nonchalant hand. “Don’t worry about it. Nice to meet you,” Frankie says, shaking Gabrielle’s hand.

“You too. And thanks again for letting me join you,” Gabrielle replied. “My kids love Halloween.”

“It’s not a problem,” Frankie says before turning to you. “Pope just ran out, he’ll be back in a few.”

You nod, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

“Come over, make yourselves at home,” Frankie said, leading you both over to the people who he was talking to. “These are Will and Claire, I’m sure Pope’s mentioned them to you before.”

“Hi,” you say, Gabrielle giving a small wave.

“What can I get you to drink?” Frankie asked.

“Lemonade, please, if you have it,” Gabrielle said.

Frankie nodded before looking at you.

You really wanted Diet Coke, but you’d just met these people and you felt like it would be really rude to just…ask for something they might not have. Maybe you could just have a water? No, that was a bit boring, especially at a party, but you were pregnant, so it was the healthiest choice and no-one would question if you just wanted a water. God, you’re overthinking over a drink. You wouldn’t be so on edge if Santi was here, you wouldn’t be as worried to ask anything.

“A lemonade is fine for me too, thanks,” you reply.

Frankie nodded again before claiming he’d be back soon. He disappears through to the kitchen, not before stopping to give Sarah, now carrying a little girl dressed as a fairy (who was the image of Frankie), a quick peck before disappearing into the kitchen.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Will says gently. You got a chill vibe from him, although he looked rough and tumble. “Pope’s told us all about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” you say with a nervous smile as Frankie leaves towards the kitchen.

“Absolutely,” said Will, smiling as he pulled Claire into his side, her hand automatically resting on his chest, her engagement ring glinting in the Halloween themed lights. “You and the kids are all he talks about nowadays.”

You hold back a grin as Gabrielle gave you a small nudge.

“It’s been nice, that he wants to stick around,” you say, your cheeks warming. “Having kids wasn’t in my plans right now, and I could only guess they definitely weren’t in his.”

“They weren’t, but Pope’s always been good at adapting. And he’s really warmed up to the idea of being a dad,” Will said, giving a nod. “He’s dedicated to ‘em already.”

“Not dedicated enough to get a fucking car, though,” said Frankie, jokingly, suddenly coming up behind you with two glasses of cloudy lemonade in his hands.

“He said he’s working on it,” you said, coming to Santi’s defence, before taking a glass from Frankie and thanking him.

Gabrielle thanked Frankie for the other lemonade before looking between you all. “Is he fond of the truck?”

Frankie snorted, now nursing his own beer bottle. “He’d marry the truck if he could. He bought it when we came back from our first mission. Surprised it still runs.”

“Whose kid is Michael Myers?” a deep voice asked from behind you.

You turn to see a tall, blonde man, dressed – ironically – as a pirate. His eyes were the same colour at Will’s, and they looked similar, so you had to assume this was Benny. He was carrying a pack of beer in one arm, an open can in the other hand. He looks at everyone with a furrowed brow, confused about you and Gabrielle – obviously because you were unfamiliar.

“She’s mine,” Gabrielle said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t ask.”

“Holy shit, we match!” Benny cried, his grin widening as he motioned to their outfits. “Here I thought I was being clever being a pirate!”

Gabrielle gave a small, amused laugh. “Your costume is better than mine, I just threw this together.”

“Nah, you look great!” Benny said, and you could tell he meant it. He reminded you a little of a Golden Retriever; a dumb, loving, Golden Retriever.

“Well…thanks,” Gabrielle said, blushing a little as she took a sip of her lemonade.

Benny’s eyes landed on you, before smirking. “Been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Be nice,” Frankie said, giving Benny a pointed look.

“He bothering you, cariño?”

You turn so suddenly, you’re surprised you didn’t give yourself whiplash. Your breath catches. Santi's dressed as a charming vampire, complete with the fake-bloodied holes on his neck, a black cape and fake fangs that glint as he grins at you. As if they feel their father near (or, you know, the sudden acceleration of your heartbeat), you feel a few kicks from within, a reminder of the two lives quietly developing beneath the surface.

Realising you may have taken too long to answer, you shake your head. “No, no. He isn’t bothering me.”

Santi gives a small laugh of amusement before he holds up a case of Diet Coke cans. “Had to get these, since Frankie isn’t accommodating for new guests.”

“Hey, hermano, I would have gotten them if I’d known,” Frankie says, with mock offence, before giving Santi a pointed look. “Don’t blame me for your bad planning!”

Santi throws him the bird before pulling a can from the pack. “Might be a bit warm, I can put the rest in the fridge. Unless you want to wait?”

Oh, you love this man. You want to marry this man.

“I’ll finish my lemonade first, thank you,” you say, smiling softly. “I’ll have a Coke later.”

Santi nods before putting the can back in the pack before he glares at Benny. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I wasn’t!” he called as Santi walked off into the kitchen. He turned to look at you. “I wasn’t going to be an ass, I swear.”

“I believe you,” you say, nodding as you sip at your lemonade.

“Go and put your beer in the fridge,” said Will, laughing.

Benny rolled his eyes, muttering something you couldn’t quite hear, before he turned and followed Santi through to the kitchen, calling for him.

“So uh…that’s Santi?” Gabrielle asks you quietly.

You sigh lightly, giving her a look. “Yup.”

“Cute. Nice hair. And a nice smile…I assume, he’s got fangs in.”

“He does have a nice smile,” you say, before smirking. “Nice ass, too.”

You both snort a laugh in amusement before going quiet when Santi and Benny come back, talking animatedly about something that you couldn’t quite keep up with, beers in their hands. You avert your gaze, looking at Gabrielle, who smirked back at you as she sipped at her lemonade. You shake your head as Santi stands next to you, Benny next to him.

“What have I missed?” he asked, looking at the group.

“Introductions, mostly,” you say, motioning to Gabrielle. “This is Gabrielle. Gabs, this is Santi.”

Gabrielle and Santi shake hands. “Nice to meet you,” Gabrielle says.

“You too,” Santi says. He nods to Theodore and Luna, who were still sat playing with the toys. “I’m assuming Michael Myers and the Hulk are yours?”

“They are,” Gabrielle says, letting out a small laugh. “Theodore and Luna. She insisted on being Michael Myers.”

“Girl’s got taste, it’s my favourite horror film,” Benny said, laughing.

As the night goes on, more and more guests show up, and the house is soon full of people. Sarah’s brothers and sister had turned up with their kids, and Theodore and Luna soon integrated themselves with the other children, who ranged from aged 6 months old to 9 years old. Sofía had even joined after a while, although she played mostly on her own, beside Luna, who still had yet to take off her mask.

Sarah had set up some Halloween activities in the back yard; she’d set up a table with some pumpkins of various sizes and some carving sets, mostly for the older kids, but you and Gabrielle helped Theodore and Luna make their own pumpkins. Sarah had also set up a large box filled with water and apples for bobbing, something you opted out of, but howled with laughter when you watched the Miller brothers almost try to drown each other in order to win. Santi was by your side throughout.

You talked to so many people; mostly about work, how your pregnancy was going, if you were enjoying the party. You had to admit, you were having fun, and it was nice to see Santi interacting with his friends. He was…different. But in a good way. He seemed more laidback, chatted a little more, and you got to see him interact with Sofía. He loved that little girl. She was just learning to walk, and she would always find herself toddling over to Santi and reach up for him.

There was never a lull in conversation as he picked her up, it was almost as if it was instinctive for him. It made your heart swell.

The guys didn’t let you down in telling you embarrassing stories about Santi.

You started wondering what it would be like with your kids. Would he take them to Halloween parties like this? Would your children and Sofía grow up together and become friends? Would Frankie, Will, and Benny be as involved as they were with Sofía? You suppose it would be harder, with you and Santi not being an actual couple. They would only see the twins on whichever schedule you and Santi eventually decide between yourselves, and even then, that might not be every time Santi has them.

You look around the living room, holding your long empty Diet Coke can. Benny and Gabrielle were standing with the kids, talking about whatever they were talking about (something to do with boxing…you remember Benny had done some cage fighting), and Frankie and Sarah were putting Sofía to bed. Santi and Will were talking with Claire about wedding planning; but it did look like Claire was doing most of the talking. It was cute, you looked forward to hearing more about it.

You took the opportunity to sneak away to the kitchen, grabbing a moment of peace and quiet. You toss your empty can into the recycling before opening the fridge to grab another.

“You okay, corazón?”

You give a small smile as you look at Santi, who had joined you in the kitchen, beer bottle in his hand. His eyes were a little unfocused, and he was giving you a little dopey smile, probably from the few beers he’d had. You close the fridge. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just grabbing another drink. Thanks for getting these, by the way.”

Santi nodded, leaning against one of the counters. “Not a problem. It was my fault Frankie didn’t have any, I did forget to tell him.”

You shake your head at him. “I would have gone without, you didn’t need to go to the store.”

“Benny was going anyway,” Santi said. “And I wanted to. They didn’t have any Sourpatch Kids though, you might have to steal some from the Trick or Treat bowl.”

You shake your head, grinning. “I’ve already looked, they’re not the watermelon ones.”

“Damn, you just can’t get the staff nowadays,” Santi joked.

You laugh as you open the can. You hold it out to him in a silent offer, and he shakes his head at you, finishing the beer he had with him.

You nod, then you both go silent, and you take a sip of your drink. Something felt…weird. You couldn’t put your finger on it. It wasn’t an awkward feeling, not at all. But now, in this moment, there was an unfamiliar tension in the air. You’d been alone together plenty of times before. Maybe it was because you’d really integrated in each other’s lives; his apartment had a fully furnished nursery, which you picked yourselves, you were both meeting each other’s friends, and you even had your own designated snack drawer in his kitchen for your favourite foods whenever you found yourself at his place.

Maybe that was it. A lot had happened in the last few days and it was getting to you.

“You okay?”

You blink at his question before giving him a closed lipped smile and nodding. “Yeah. Just tired.”

“You can go home if you want, no-one will mind,” Santi said, coming off the counter.

“No, no, I’m okay. Gabs and the kids are having a good time.”

“You sure?” he asks, coming closer to you. “I don’t want you uncomfortable. You’re carrying my kids in there.”

You give a small snort of amusement before nodding. “Yeah…yeah, I’m sure.”

He doesn’t say anything, just takes a few more steps closer to you. Your breath hitches, as you stare at him. The sounds of the party in just the next room seem to fade away, and all you can hear is the thumping of your heartbeat in your ears.

The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as you and Santi share a moment of connection. He’s so close, you feel your back hit the fridge, your noses touching. He smells faintly of the beer he’s been drinking, but mostly of the pumpkins he helped carve for Sofía, and the cologne he always wears, and something that was just plain Santiago. It was mouth-watering. His eyes flash to your lips before meeting yours. Your lips inch closer, teasing the promise of a sweet, stolen kiss in his best friend’s kitchen.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

There’s a pause before he whispers back. “I don’t know.”

You lean in, your lips barely meeting when the spell is abruptly broken as the kitchen door opens.

Santi jumps apart from you as you gasp at the sudden movement, and before you know it, he’s across the other side of the kitchen, throwing away his empty beer.

Gabrielle walks into the kitchen, looking between the two of you, obviously reading the room. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You open your mouth to reply but Santiago shakes his head, a light blush on his cheeks as he grins at her. “No, we were just talking. Nothing going on.”

You freeze. No, that’s not what he meant. Don’t overthink this. He’s a little drunk and you’re having his kids. It’s understandable that he might be feeling a little friendly.

You give a shaky smile to Gabrielle. “Yeah, just talking.”

Gabrielle nodded as Santi mumbled something about re-joining the party and leaving the kitchen. You both watch him leave before you shake your head, trying to calm your breathing and your heart.

“What was that?” Gabrielle whispered, her eyes wide at you.

You shook your head. “I…nothing. It was nothing.”

Tagged - @khonsulockley, @bluenredndeath, @superficialfeelings, @othersideoftheparadise, @beezusvreeland

[springtrappd]

thoughts on dsaf?

oooooooooooo i hope you're ready, because could talk about this for a while

it's a difficult series for me to articulate my thoughts about, despite having hyperfixated on it for a good few months of 2022, because... well, it's dsaf. it's the funny haha meme game that also features body horror so disturbing i feel uncomfortable even talking about the phone guys without giving a fair warning. they're visual novels made in fucking rpgmaker that use and abuse their medium to the fullest, packed to the brim with countless jokes that only get funny the more you think about them. it accidentally landed on several ideas similar to those later in the franchise and executes them in a way that is uniquely itself. it's also got several outright racist jokes and phrases in it, relies heavily on memes & pop culture references that were dated when it came out, and is incredibly nsfw -- all things that make it tough to talk about, and very tough to recommend.

it's easy for me, a white australian, to accept these flaws and move past them, but it makes it an inherently hostile experience for anyone who doesn't have the privilege of being actually affected by that shit. it doesn't impact me directly when a fangame slips in a joke about crime rates in america, but to an african-american person that's a big slap in the face! and that sucks, and i think it's very important to acknowledge that even as -- and especially when -- we praise the series for what it does right. liking dsaf doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make you inherently racist, but dsaf is racist, and it's only in acknowledging that fact that we can learn from & avoid the same fate ourselves. this is something that will always hang over the series, and it should.

in terms of things it does right, though? as i've said before, a lot of the (non-racist, which is the majority of) jokes are really fucking good. i've been meaning to do a replay so i can collect the best of them, because god are there so many gems in there. i think one of my favourite moments playing blind was the one when i realised that jack always exits buildings by climbing out the window rather than just... use the door. it's got a lot of subtle jokes like that that're my exact sense of humour, and it's when it's doing shit like that that it's at its best.

it's also shockingly mature for what began as a satire of the fnaf fandom from 2014-2016, and the ways it remixed the main series' concepts & themes rewrote my fucking brain chemistry. using "he always comes back" to represent how someone (jack) will always be there to care about those lost? actually genius, i think about it so much when it comes to (c/f)anon's take on michael. everything about the phone guys is horrifying and i love it, i love the way it's set up and 2's slow-building wrongness and the storytime about the originals you get in 3. it's such biting corporate satire and i love it, fantastic take on it 10/10 no notes. henry is terrifying, like actually his voice is so uncomfortable to listen to and the way his scenes are lit doesn't help -- just a really good ultimate villain/antagonist, and a good contrast to dave's wacky cartoon antics. i like how it's implied that the reason the dsafverse is so fucked is because he broke it (reality) back in the 50s. it's neat!

there is so, so much love put into these games it's unreal. have i mentioned that they're fucking visual novels made in rpgmaker? because they're visual novels made in rpgmaker. there are TWENTY-THREE ENDINGS in dsaf2 alone, with two "main" routes that both feature some of the best writing i've seen in a fnaf fanwork ever. phone guy's takedown of jack in the evil route is more scathing than the novels have ever dared to be, and does much more to convey the depths of the depravity that's occurred here because of it. i've had a post about how the game uses colours to convey character alignment fermenting in the back of my brain ever since i started 3, and primary barrier to me doing that is just how much shit is in these things! and, well... it's dsaf -- not only does it feel kinda weird to take seriously, it's also a fanbase i kinda want ten feet away from me at all times?

no offence to you guys, it's just not my scene, lmao. the aforementioned memespam and edgelord attitude combine to make a fanbase that skews young and immature, and a result the atmosphere is... kinda insufferable! general fnafdom is also bad, don't get me wrong, but at least you can filter out most of the twelvies by using big enough words. while i do appreciate davesport and think it's great, i'm not a guy who's into stuff for ships, and i like these games for......... all the reasons mentioned above, which just happen to include davesport, not because of it, ykwim? instead i'm the kinda guy who had dave's "you were lost, but now you have been found" line from 3 haunt him for over a year before it finally hit me that it was a fucking bible quote. to quote myself at the time:

in conclusion,

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Winkfield Twyman, Jr.

Published: May 26, 2024

Every time a crusading medical school dean admits an uncompetitive, unqualified black student, said medical school dean hurts my niece. When you make crazy assumptions about the health needs of black women, you are harming my black niece. And by giving the incompetent false hope, you have made my niece’s journey in life that much harder.

Let me explain since the narrative only seems to go one way these days.

My niece is a smart pre-med student at a top university. She has several doctors in her family. Is she a privileged black person? Yes, she is. She is a graduate of a prominent private prep school. She has traveled the world. Her parents are no strangers to acclaim on the world stage. She is an Ivy League legacy daughter, the descendant of a Central American family, and wants to become a doctor.

Sadly, these are lousy times for my niece to apply to medical school.

First, there are crusading medical school deans who are not holding black applicants to the same standards as white and Asian students. Expectations for blacks have totally collapsed at some medical schools to my horror. At one local medical school and to boost diversity, standards are no more. “Standardized tests that up to 50 percent of some UCLA cohorts now fail…Nationally, only 5 percent of students fail those exams.” At this medical school, eight medical school professors, including four members of the medical school admissions committee, revealed that black applicants have a lower bar to overcome.

The first-year curriculum contains a mandatory course on “structural racism.” Structural racism. “Other units discuss the ‘sickness of policing’ and link ‘Queer liberation to liberation from the carceral state.’" Meanwhile, what are the failing medical students learning? “And the students that remain have become increasingly entitled about their ignorance with one professor reporting that he was berated by a student in the operating room who accused him of putting her on the spot when she could not identify a major artery.”

If I can help it, this incompetent student will never see me in a medical capacity.

Second, my niece deserves to be admitted in flat out competition with other applicants for admission. To do otherwise plants doubt in her mind as to her qualification and doubt in the minds of her white and asian classmates and doubt in the minds of her faculty members. Why set my niece up for the imposter syndrome, that she doesn’t belong and can’t handle the work?

Third, my niece is not marginalized. She is not oppressed. She is not suffering from structural racism. The required first-year curriculum would expose my niece to zany dogma and slogan words. She needs to learn about major arteries. Her instruction should be color indifferent.

Fourth, the longer lasting evil is the poor perception of black doctors as a group in the larger world. Who in their right mind would feel comfortable going to a doctor who has failed their first and second-year exams? I wouldn’t. It is not about race. It is about competency. My niece deserves an admissions process that allows my niece to hold her head high in medical school. One does the opposite when one erases grades and MCAT scores in favor of boosting diversity.

Let’s talk about the foreseeable consequences of throwing standards to the wind for black applicants to medical school. One doesn’t magically become a medical genius in medical school. That is magical thinking. As with all things in life, garbage in becomes garbage out.

Did you know that Michael Jackson died because his black doctor, Conrad Murray, negligently administered the drug propofol? Dr. Murray lacked specialty training. The drug was not supposed to be administered as a sleep aid. Jackson’s death was ruled a homicide by the Los Angeles’ Coroners Office. Dr. Murray graduated from Meharry Medical School where the average MCAT score is 503. For purposes of comparison, the median MCAT score at Yale Medica School is 522. The median MCAT score for black applicants is 494. There is a world of difference between 494 and 522.

Michael Jackson was a part of my growing up. I loved Michael Jackson. I cut Dr. Murray no slack.

We have been down this road before with no competitive standards for admissions to medical school. Remember the Bakke case in 1978? I do. The white male applicant Alan Bakke's MCAT score overall was 72; the average applicant to UC Davis scored a 69 and the average applicant under the special program for black applicants was a 33. The UC Davis Medical School denied Bakke admissions. Bakke had to go the U.S. Supreme Court to gain admissions to medical school. He graduated in 1982 and led a fine career as an anesthesiologist at the world-renowned Mayo Clinic.

And as for the applicant who replaced Bakke? What became of the black medical student Dr. Patrick Chavis admitted with almost non-existent MCAT scores?

Dr. Chavis left a wake of carnage in his medical career. Dr. Chavis “performed liposuction on 43-year-old Tammaria Cotton and killed her. Two other women came close to being killed at Chavis’s incompetent hands.” Note well about the character of Dr. Chavis: “Yolanda Mukhalian lost 70 percent of her blood after Chavis hid her in his home for 40 hours following a bungled liposuction; she miraculously survived.”

An incompetent doctor tends to remain a danger to the public. “In 1997, the Medical Board of California suspended Chavis’s license, citing his ‘inability to perform some of the most basic duties required of a physician.’ The board further noted Chavez’s insensitivity to patients’ pain. The board had access to a tape recording of patients screaming in agony while Chavez humiliated them.”

How did Dr. Chavis meet his end? “According to a Los Angeles County Sheriff's detective I spoke with last week, Chavis was murdered on the night of July 23 in Hawthorne, an economically depressed neighborhood on the southern edge of Los Angeles. Three unknown assailants shot him during an alleged robbery at a Foster's Freeze.”

I fault the admissions committee at UC Davis that admitted an uncompetitive and unqualified applicant to medical school for reasons of boosting diversity, not merit. Black patients like Michael Jackson and Yolanda Mukhalian deserved competent black doctors.

It is difficult to identity all instances where nominal standards for medical school admissions have caused patient harm on the back end. The internet doesn’t easily lend up stories of failed black doctors who should not have been admitted to medical school in the first place. If one can’t identify a key artery in medical school, stay away from me and my family. I don’t care about your race. I care about your competency.

I know a doctor who failed his residency boards over twenty times. He spent perhaps half of his adult life taking the boards twice a year. He never passed but he could always take the boards again, and again, and again. The medical school admissions system failed this person. He should have been encouraged to discover his real talents in life in his early 20s. Indeed, the hunger for increasing the number of black doctors sucked in this young man and the rest was a long slog through study all the time year after year after year. He grew to hate his profession and life. Would you want to be his guy’s patient? He eventually passed as a middle-aged man. It was poignant, a dream deferred.

These are the foreseeable consequences of choosing race over qualifications. Wasted lives and endangered patients.

Conclusion: My niece deserves a world where she can pursue her medical school dreams free of ideology, dogma and slogan words. She doesn’t want to become a Dr. Conrad Murray, a Dr. Patrick Chavis or a resentful young doctor who can’t pass her boards. She wants a fair and square opportunity to be admitted on good faith terms. Medical school deans do my niece no favor if they play around with identity politics and the dreams of my niece.

She wants to do no harm. And admissions committees for medical schools should do the same.

[kaiisers]

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𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ BACHIRA MEGURU ⸱ 蜂楽 廻

needy. ──── 1.6k

cw. f!reader

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ CHIGIRI HYŌMA ⸱ 千切 豹馬

none yet!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ ITOSHI RIN ⸱ 糸師 凛

die for love and loyalty.

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ you wait for rin to come home and no matter what, he always does.

cw. fem!reader. mentions of injury, blood, bruises, broken bones, suggestive content, slight nipple play, mentions of babies, angst, mentions of death, emotional piece, slight character study, rin n reader are in their mid 20s

if you’ll have me, I’ll have you always. ──── 3.2k

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ rin finds out you’re pregnant and cannot keep away from you any longer

cw. fem! reader. mentions of pregnancy. ex bf! rin (but y’all are still obsessed with each other like–). angst w/ eventual comfort (i think??). use of y/n + pet names (mostly baby)

parisian paradise.

cw. just a little angsty, but otherwise fluff, alcohol

twenty sundays. ──── 10.6k

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ twenty sundays ago, itoshi rin walked into your grandmother's laundromat where you spend your weekends working. twenty sundays ago, he was nothing more than a stranger. but with every passing week, rin begins to spend more time in the shop. you get to know him more, until he's barely a stranger to you, falling for him somewhere along the way.

cw. cursing , a few death jokes , slow burn , they're idiots + they're in love , a poor attempt at humor , so much fluff

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ ITOSHI SAE ⸱ 糸師冴

deal.

redbone.

cw. fem reader , love at first sight , use of pet name once !!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ ISAGI YOICHI ⸱ 潔 世一

god, i’m so fucking in love with you. ──── 3k

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ the bracelet you make isagi ends up becoming his most prized possession, and his lucky charm. afab! reader

cw. mostly fluff, but sassy isagi does make an appearance. slight suggestive themes. cursing.

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ KUNIGAMI RENSUKE ⸱ 國神 錬介

none yet!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ MICHAEL KAISER ⸱ ミヒャエル カイザー

none yet!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ MIKAGE REO ⸱ 御影玲王

none yet!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ NAGI SEISHIRŌ ⸱ 凪 誠士郎

cloud 9.

like father like son.

cw. babies, mentions of birth & food, nagi and reader are in their late twenties, husband!nagi, fluff fluff fluff

love clicks into place.

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ nagi feels like love just clicks into place with you.

cw. f!reader, sfw, slightly suggestive.

pillow baby.

cw. pet names, fem reader, just cute times with nagi !!

shopping with him.

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ you take your boyfriend out to shop and it’s one of the hardest things you ever had to endure. come on, it’s nagi. he’s a big baby. what did you expect, really?

sick day.

sleepy.

⌜ ୨୧ ⌟ waking up a slumbering genius was never an easy feat, but you think that maybe you’ve gotten the hang of it.

cw. sfw! sleepy nagi + soft mornings, he’s a pro!player in this

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ OLIVER AIKU ⸱ オリヴァ・愛空

none yet!

𖨂 ⸱ ꕤ ⸱ SHIDŌ RYUSEI ⸱ 士道 龍聖

none yet!

[rabbitcruiser]

Presidents’ Day

Celebrated each year, on the third Monday in February, Presidents’ Day is a federal holiday to pay tribute to the presidents of the United States, including George Washington, the country’s first president, and Abraham Lincoln, who served during the Civil War. The holiday was originally established to honor Washington, but over time it has come to be a day to recognize all of the nation’s presidents. It is a day when many businesses and government offices are closed and people have the day off from work or school. Some people celebrate Presidents’ Day by participating in parades or other events, while others use it as a time to relax and spend time with family and friends.

History of Presidents’ Day

Presidents’ Day has its roots in the celebration of George Washington’s birthday, which has been observed as a national holiday in the United States since the late 18th century. Washington was born on February 22, 1732, and his birthday was first officially recognized as a national holiday by an act of Congress in 1879. The holiday was originally called “Washington’s Birthday,” and it was observed on February 22 each year.

In the 20th century, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which was designed to create more three-day weekends for the nation’s workers by moving several holidays to Mondays. As part of this act, the holiday honoring Washington was moved to the third Monday in February and was renamed “Presidents’ Day” to recognize not just Washington, but all of the presidents of the United States. The holiday has been observed on the third Monday in February since 1971.

Presidents’ Day is not only a time to honor US presidents, but also a time to reflect on the important role that they have played in shaping the nation’s history.

How to Celebrate Presidents’ Day

There are many ways to celebrate Presidents’ Day. Some people choose to honor the holiday by taking part in parades or other events that are held in honor of the presidents. Others use the day as an opportunity to learn more about the presidents and their contributions to the country. Here are a few ideas for celebrating Presidents’ Day:

Attend a Parade, or Visit a Presidential Museum or Library

Many cities and towns hold parades on Presidents’ Day to celebrate the presidents of the USA. Look for one in your area and join in the celebration. There are also many museums and libraries dedicated to the presidents of the United States.

Read a Book About a President

There are many books available about US presidents. Consider reading one of these to learn more about a particular president or the history of the presidency:

Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow. This Pulitzer Prize-winning biography provides an honest portrait of George Washington, the man who became the United States’ first president.

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin. This book chronicles the life and presidency of Abraham Lincoln, focusing on his ability to lead and manage a diverse group of advisors and cabinet members.

John F. Kennedy: A Biography by Michael O’Brien. A comprehensive biography of JFK, examining the life and legacy of the 35th president, from his childhood and education to his assassination in 1963.

The Reagan Diaries edited by Douglas Brinkley. A collection of diary entries written by President Ronald Reagan during his two terms in office, this book provides a unique, behind-the-scenes look at the Reagan presidency.

Barack Obama: The Story by David Maraniss. Offering a detailed and nuanced portrait of Barack Obama, the 44th president of the United States, it covers Obama’s early life, political career, and presidency, and offers insight into the man and his leadership style.

Watch a Movie or Documentary

There are many films and documentaries about US presidents, but here’s a few to get you started:

Lincoln (2012) – A biographical drama that stars Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States. It focuses on Lincoln’s role in the abolition of slavery and the passage of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.

Truman (1995) – Starring Gary Sinise as the 33rd president of the United States, Harry S. Truman, the film covers Truman’s life, career, and presidency, including his role in the dropping of the atomic bombs on Japan and the Korean War.

JFK (1991) – A biographical drama starring Kevin Costner as President John F. Kennedy, this film examines the events leading up to Kennedy’s assassination and the investigations that followed.

Nixon (1995) – Stars Anthony Hopkins as President Richard Nixon. The film covers Nixon’s political career, the Watergate scandal and his eventual resignation from office.

The President (2019) – A documentary profiling President Barack Obama, covering his life, career, and presidency.

Participate in a Service Project

Presidents’ Day is a good time to think about ways to serve your community. Consider participating in a service project or volunteering your time to help others.

Source

[bylertruther]

The end of the year is near! Give a shoutout to your favorite blogs and tag them to spread positivity before the year ends! (from: a secret anon)

an opportunity to gush over people? why, don't mind if i do :^)

this is in no particular order at all & i'm especially thankful for everyone that's been kind to me this year! <3 i DO see you all and i DO appreciate you sm!!!! thank you, thank you, thank you to you all! 🫂

(btw, you may have to ctrl + f to find your url unless you don't mind scrolling for five years lmao.)

@heroesbyler, my dearest most beloved wife 🤎 not to be a homosexual on main, but you constantly grab my face in your hands and submit me to the mortifying ordeal of being known and while that does make me feel stripped down to nothing but my gory insides before u there is a level of um. real safety and security in that and in you because i know that i'll always be safe there. you're such a genuine, sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind person. beautiful inside AND out!!! you ALWAYS make me laugh and you ALWAYS make me smile and i just . if i could, i would squeeze you n lift you off your feet rn 🫂 you're simply the Best, hogging all of the brain cells and talents and good traits (and good looks, hehe). i adore you and i am so thankful to have met you and you have a very berry special place in my heart. you deserve every compliment that you've ever received and more!!! literally where would we be as a byler nation without you and your inimitable genius tbh? i don't even want to think abt it. </3 ily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💞🥰🫶 and i am so, so, soooooo happy to have met you. @ everyone else, you will NEVER be stav!!!!!!!!! 😤💘😘🫂

@mlchaelwheeler SARAHHHHHH! my sweet & the robin to my steve. 🥺 resting my head on ur shoulder rn. <3 you were one of my very first friends in this space and one of my absolute favorites. platonic soulmates fr!!!!!! you're so intelligent, so sweet, so talented, and so funny. your love and appreciation for this story and these characters is so contagious and i love to read all of the connections you make. your brain is a goldmine and we're all so lucky to have u here. in all ways except physical, i am hugging u and squishing n pinching ur cheeks hehe<333

@wiseatom thea thea THEAAAAAAAAA! biting you and whipping my head from side to side like a dog with its chew toy (affectionate). <3 did you know... that i am obsessed with u? completely and totally. waving my pom-poms and doing a little cheer routine for u always. you are SO unbelievably kind and merciful and sweet tht it blows me away. not to be um. Peculiar^tm on main but every time u grant me ur usual thea on-brand kindness it makes my brain short circuit and i um. don't know what to do with myself or what i could say to show my appreciation which leads to me not saying anything bc every time i go back to reread and reply it just happens all over again and idk what i could say to "top" that and it makes me emotional and and and—[sniper finally takes the shot n puts us out of our misery, etc]. ur just........ !!!!!!!!!!!!! 🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💕💞💓💗💖!!!!!!!!!!!! u know what i mean? like. i just. Do Not Have The Words to describe how happy u make me. you're SO kind and SO funny and SOOOOOOO talented it's actually insane. i read your writing and i FEEL the immense love that you put into it, that you have for the source material, and that the characters, no matter the nature of their relationship, feel for each other. no offense sorry to be #real but i feel like you have THEEEEEEE best grip on will and mike's voices, and this includes the duffers btw. i read your work and i'm like "oh my god.... that's will and mike, my best friends and best sons william and michael of stranger things fame oh my god...." i read your work and it's like ohhhhhhh so This is what love is, This is what it means to be understood and seen by another soul, This is what true human connection is okay #understood i See i Feel i Understand!!! i just. puts head in hands. i adore u and i am so thankful to have met you and existed at the same time as u. ur a fucking superstar idc sorry to sound like an elementary school teacher but i just Do Not Understand how someone can be so many wonderful things like HELLOOOOOO WHERE ARE YOUR FLAWS THEA.... WHERE ARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!!! smh. hugging u n biting u n also following u around like a puppy bc duality of man n such. nods at u and superglues us together while ur not looking bc i would follow you anywhere so long as u let me so plsdonteverleavemebutalsoifyoudowanttoleavethatsokayily <3

@miwism MAL MIWISM THE THIRD!!!! oh my god... what could i say that i haven't already... funniest byIer of all time award goes to you every year every time first second AND third place all urs and only urs or i blow this entire website up idc. you're so creative and talented (funny, a writer, AND an artist? mal for the love of god can you please leave SOMETHING to us plebeians... smh. AND UR A JOCK TOO?! SOMEONE PUT THE MANAGER ON THE PHONE BC HELLOOOOOO) and kind. how do u do it? pls, tell us where you're getting ur juice bc this is jus too much!!!!!!! you make my dash such a lovely n lively place to be and i am so thankful for u n ur contributions to this fandom<3

@willblogger IMA WHEN I TELL YOU I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF UR POSTS AND ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO READ UR TAGS NO MATTER WHAT BC I LOVE UR BRAIN SO MUCH...... I'M BEING 💯‼️ u just Get it!!! u Know, u Understand, and i am so thankful to be able to witness it hehe. ur another person whose contributions to this fandom are priceless & i selfishly hope that u have the byIer brainrot forever bc i can't imagine being here without you #rip </3 you're so, so, so effortlessly funny and real and i just. i'm obsessed with u and i am so so happy to have found you!! 🥺

@s2willbyers OMG ANOTHER BLOGGER WHOSE CONTRIBUTIONS ARE SO UNIQUE AND PRICELESS...... HI ADRIAN HIIIII OMG HEY HI HELLO 🥺🤲💙 you are sooooo so so full of Knowledge and Understanding and talent and humor and kindness and and and. i jsut. how do u do it. how are you so nice and so funny and so talented at drawing and so talented at writing and so able to share your thoughts in such an eloquent and moving way i just . your passion is contagious and so is your enthusiasm and i love it sm!!! i want to read every single idea you have and i want to hear about every single connection you draw between these characters we love and the other works of art that you appreciate and what you think about these characters and how you see them through your eyes and your worldview. ur!!! so!! talented!!! and not enough people!!! say that!!!! even if someone told u this everyday it would not be enough, i think. i Love your blog and i Love your content and ur presence in this space makes me so so happy, adrian, rly and truly 🫶

@willandmichael IZA!!! you make such beautiful gifs and i love how you've always been so honest and unafraid to say what you mean. you're a true ByIer Warrior fr hehe n i just find tht so refreshing. happy new year!! it's been so fun going through this with you hehe :)

@notebooknonbinary VEE! tbh you're so sweet and kind tht i picture u in my head as like. a gumdrop. but also human. don't ask me how it works rly jus kno tht it does <3 bhdjfbdhj. BUT !!!! i just. 🥺 you are so so sweet and so talented and i am so happy to have followed you. you always put that Scrumptious content on my dash and every fic snippet and idea that you share with us always has me on the edge of my seat wanting more!!! you're so creative and i just love hearing everything that you have to say and want to share with us. <3

@lilacline001 LILAC QUEEN OF MY HEART AND CREATOR OF WORLD RENOWN CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED WORKS OF ART NOCTURNE AND RIPPLE EFFECT... I WOULD DIE FOR U (said while getting down on one knee like a knight before the throne ofc). seriously, i start thinking about your fics and immediately i feel like i have to stand up and take my hat off out of respect. i have goosebumps right now as i write this actually. i just. Your Mind. YOUR MIND!!!!!! it's insane and i stand by everything i've ever said about it tbh. my chest clenches just thinking abt nocturne, your mike (which is the most mike to ever be mike btw, including canon mike), and all of the lines that have pierced me and sunk all the way down into the meat of my heart. you're such a wordsmith... i just have no words to describe how your writing makes me feel. no words for you and your sweetness and your grace and your unique and oh so special creative genius. you're just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! beyond words. i am so thankful to have existed at the same time as you and so thankful that you were generous enough to share your talents with us all. and actually i may have lied because now that i'm at the end of this blurb my mind just keeps repeating "you have bewitched me body and soul" so maybe there Are words to describe how i feel hehe. i am forever and always waving my pom-poms, doing cartwheels, holding up my handmade sign in the stands, and cheering you on in all of your creative endeavors!!!!!!!!! thank you so much for Changing Me with your works!!!! thank you so much for sharing your beautiful brain with us all!!! just thank you!!! for everything!!! AHHH!!!!! ❤️🖤🦇🩸

@ki-flor pLEASEEEEE you are carrying the byIer nation on your back tbh and i think i speak for all of us when i say we could not be more grateful hehe <3 your posts are ALWAYS so unbelievably funny and i LOVE your reaction gifs so much lmaoooo you never fail to get a giggle out of me. :') i love your enthusiasm and how Cool you are and how levelheaded you are even when the fandom is blowing up over smth. never change & thank u for making me laugh so much even through all the craziness!!

@mikeandwillel SANDYYYYYYYY EVERYBODY MOOOOOVE AND MAKE WAY FOR BIG BRAIN THINKER SANDY MIKEANDWILLEL THE THIRD 📣 i love, love, loooooove reading all of your analyses. you've made me rethink what i thought i knew about so many things in this story sooooo many times and i'm so thankful for that. you have a very keen eye and i love how you stick to your guns and what you believe in, not letting other people sway you. you're a very strong figure and that's such a breath of fresh air here. :) you're very logical, very fair, and i'm always just so happy to read all that you have to share with us. thank you for making this a better place & i can't wait to see what this next year in wait will bring us!!!

@repression jamieeeeee omg i hope this is not weird and i'm sorry if it is, but i'd be lying if i didn't include u in my favorites!!! i seriously love all of your posts and reading your thoughts on fandom, the characters, and the stories. i especially love when you post your own art and make connections between these characters and other artworks. i just... your mind!!! your mind. i'm very happy to have followed you and i feel Compelled to say thank u for blessing my dash as often as u do!!! so, thank u !!! <3 :D

@padme-amidala OMGGGGGGG EVERYBODY MOOOOOOOOVE AND MAKE WAY FOR THE BYLER EDIT GOD!!! jeeeeeeeesus ur gif edits for them hit like no other. you're SO talented and creative and have such a deep and genuine understanding of these characters, their individual stories, and all that they represent. i am so thankful for all that you've shared with us and i can't wait to see what else you have in store!! following u is such a treat!! :)

@givehimthemedicine NATALIE OMGGGG ur such a big brained individual. i LOOOOOOVE your blog because you provide such an invaluable perspective that i feel is so needed. you're so observant and the fact that you can catch such tiny but Big details always blows me away and makes me feel like i need new glasses or smth dfbjhd. just so happy that you're here and that you're generous enough to share ur big brain with us all. i need to get better at replying to your reblogs to my posts but also i shan't because i can never think of anything funnier than ur addition so #rip me bhfbkdjb hehehe. <3

@blackdeathmamba MS MAMBA <3 you were my very first friend in the byIer fandom and for that you will forever hold a special place in my heart. this year was hard for us both, but i hope (and knock on wood) that this next one will be brighter and better. you're an insanely talented wordsmith and a true trailblazer in this community. your name and your works are popular on every site that this ship has a presence and it's so deserved! i've meant every single compliment i've given you and i'd repeat them to you every day if that's what it took to rid you of any doubt you may have about your abilities. i'm... admittedly extremely embarrassed and was too ashamed to pop in weeks later to reply to you, but... i just want you to know that i still thought of you and missed your presence here and hope that you're doing at least a little better. if you aren't, that's okay, too, because there's always tomorrow, you know? sending you all my love and light and warmth forever and always! you're irreplaceable & such a true gem. thank you for making this space so much better for us all. 💗🫂🫶

@estelinhabb hiii, friend!! thank you so much for always cheering me and my rambling tags on hehe. i associate you with light and love tbh with the way that you always amplify the words of others and call attention to their additions! you're always very sweet and very kind and very inclusive and that's just so lovely to see. you spread your positivity always and help to really make this space feel like a community. thank you for all that you do and all of the kindness that you've spread!! it's always a pleasure to see you on my dash. <3

@thranduel THEEEEEEEE BYLER WARRIOR OF ALL BYLER WARRIORS EVERYONE STEP ASIDE AND MAKE WAY FOR TUMBLR USER JASMINE THRANDUEL PLEASEEEE 📣📣📣 omg. seriously, your takes are smoking hot and 100% factual every time. i've never read any of your thoughts on this show and its characters and found myself disagreeing. you're never afraid to speak your mind and say what needs to be said and that's something that's so needed in this fandom. thank you for being so true to yourself and loving our boys as enthusiastically and passionately as you do!!! <3

@surferboypizzashirts CHRISTINA! omg. you've been here since before i even made a blog specifically for byIer!! if anyone deserves a veterans discount, it's you. <3 thank you so much for sticking with me through the hype, the wariness, the despair, the delusion, and the hopeless hopefulness lol. you've made me giggle countless times and offer a breath of fresh air to your followers whenever you're around. i hope that you're doing well & have a happy new year bc you certainly deserve it! :)

@stbyers SUZZIE!!! :D you're always soooooo sweet and make the cutest picrews and THE CUTEST ART EVER HELLO!! a true Artiste^tm. i love, love, loooooove your style and simply can't get enough of it. <3 thank you so much for sharing your talents with us & making my dash that much brighter with your presence here. <3

@finalgirlbyers sierra! we have been following each other for so long and i would have it no other way. <3 i love your jokes, i love hearing about your life, and i love whenever you share your thoughts with us. i think you're lovely just the way you are and i would change absolutely nothing about you or your content. we all follow you because of you, not solely because of whatever you may provide us, and what you do provide to your followers isn't lesser or "low-brow". you're really cool and really funny with good taste and i hope that you have a lovely new year!!

@crazycoven HAYDEN YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO NICE TO ME AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE KNOWN HOW TO ACCEPT THAT BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN SO MOVED AND SO TOUCHED BY YOU AND YOUR KINDNESS EVEN AND PERHAPS ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SHOW THAT! sorry for the caps lock i jus had to get that off my chest <3 you're a miwi trailblazer and tbh where would we be without your countless contributions, hm? i shan't even think of such a scary au. you helped make this year in byIer history (lol) so much fun and i can't think of byIer tumblr without thinking of you, too. thank you for all the laughs, all the kindness, and for all that you've been generous enough to share with us all! <3

@aemiron-main em, em, em, where do i even begin....!!! i am genuinely forever and always blown away by you and your vast intelligence. seriously, i don't know how you do it. i think you have more thoughts in an hour than i've had in my entire life LMAOOO. i feel like you're a modern day sherlock holmes tbh. i bet my life savings even that you could probably crack every cold case out there if we just gave you an hour and some red bull. and this gift of yours is made even mooooooooore astonishing when you consider that not only are you so insanely sharp, but you're overall just a great fucking person!! like!!! HELLO!!!! how is that allowed. HOW is that allowed?! you're a damn genius, you're an insanely talented artist with a super unique and inimitable style, you're so funny, you're so SOOOOOO kind that it makes my brain short circuit and i have to immediately close the tab bc i get so flustered (i have issues<3), you're so unapologetically yourself, you're so HONEST, you're so... you're just. ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! (<- me screamin bc the Fan Behavior overcame me) i am sooooo happy that i came across you and followed you way back when. you've opened my eyes to so much and helped me reconsider certain things that i thought i knew and helped me to uncover things that i didn't even know i didn't know lol. i hope you have a happy new year because you very much deserve it, friend!! <3

@magentamee BREANNE! omg hewo 🥺 we have been mutuals for i don't even know how long at this point and you've always, always, aaaaaalways been so nice to me. thank you so much for being such a bright and bubbly person in this fandom. i always see you cheering others on and cracking jokes and in general just being so lovely. it's a treat to see you on the dash and i thank you very much for all the smiles you've gotten out of me and others i'm sure!! your halloween costume was BALLER and so are you and so will be your 2023 hehe <3

@howtobecomeadragon DRAGON!!!!!!! 🐉💚 before i say anything, i want you to know that i am hugging you and squeezing you and twirling you around in spirit hehe. you are so SWEET and so FUNNY and SO TALENTED?! HELLO?! leave some crumbs for the rest of us like... 🙄 dfbdjhbfjdh. i'm kidding. if you hogging every good trait ever means that you'll continue to bless us with your presence and contributions to this fandom then tbh i think that's a more than fair trade!! but seriously, i consider you to be such an important part of this fandom. your memes, your analyses, the questions you pose, your writing, your headcanons, just everything that you post!!! it's all so good and so unique and soooooo scrumptious. truly you are an Understander and Knower hehe <3 i'm so happy that i found you and i can't wait to weather this pre-s5 wait with you!! i'm sure that you'll continue to spoil us as you always have. happy new year, friend!!! :) <3

@laozuspo IF NOBODY GOT ME WHEN IT COMES TO UNDERSTANDING WILLIAM BYERS, I KNOW JAMES LAOZUSPO GOT ME 😤🤝🫡💪‼️ NOW CAN I GET AN AMEN LADIESSSSS 📣📣📣 BFJHDKJHFDB. but fr fr... james... my dear tumblr mutual... you Get it. you just Get it. i would die for you i would fight for you i am getting on one knee rn to swear an oath to you like a knight rnnnnnn it's Real u are my brother in byler (real) (not clickbait). you're so funny, so witty, so sharp, so Cool, so talented, just . i enjoy your blog and your brain so much. thank you so so so much for sharing it with us and for always speaking your truth, even when people really do Not want to hear it. thank you for not apologizing for being who you are and thank you for just. well. being you, i guess. this fandom would not be the same without you and i for one feel super lucky to have you here (so pls never leave me xoxo dbfhjdbjhf). thank you for everything and happy new year, james!! <3

@ice-sculptures RAE! where to even begin omg... you give so much to this fandom and i am so thankful. your beautiful gifs, your Real and True and Factual posts, your glorious au concepts, your thoughts, your endless kindness, and your pleasant presence—thank you so much for all of it!!! i'm Shocked that you don't write fic (yet...? 👀 hehe) because omg. HELLO... you're such a good writer?! even when you're standing up to the masses and clearing the byers brothers name or waxing showstopping poetic about byIer, your words and your message is always so moving. i'm so happy that you're here and that you're generous enough to share with us all that you do. thank you, thank you, thank you!! wishing you the happiest of happy new years to you, too, of course! :D

@willelfanpage sara!! :D oh my god. actually idek why i started this out all cheery like you haven't kicked me in the face and ripped my beating heart straight out of my chest 83409830 times with your Real and Factual and Very Canon angst 😭💔 EVILLLLLL. but so good! which leads us to our next point: just how do you manage to be so kind and oh so talented, hm? what's your secret? how do you manage to Understand and Know sooooooo many characters and speak nothing but the cold hard facts time n time again? truly a marvel!!!! you share so much with this fandom and i hope you know that we appreciate everything that your beautiful brain comes up with even if it leaves us in shambles. crossing my fingers that this upcoming year serves you back as much happiness as you've so generously given us!!! <3

@strangersynth time, dear tumblr user time strangersynth omg hey hi hello 🥺🤲💙 you've always been so unbelievably kind to me in the tags and i just want you to know that i See you and appreciate you sm. it makes me smile every time! you have such an eye for design and it really shows in everything that you do. your video edits are GORGEOUS! seriously, they're soooo good. i love how you're able to find all of these parallels and similarities between characters and their journeys and present it in such an awesome fashion. your dedication and passion for your craft really shines through in everything that you do, from your edits to your words to your layout and all!! you're very cool and very kind and very talented and i am so happy to have crossed paths with you on these e-streets. happy new year, time!! :) <3

@elmaxed lumi! yet another person with an eye for all things beautiful. you're such a sweet, funny, talented, and cheery individual. you share so much with this fandom—your ideas, your fics, your art, your edits, your jokes, and your thoughts—and i love and am so thankful for each and every gift that you give us!! i used to see your posts all the time even before i started a byIer blog and tbh i feel like your popularity is soooo deserved. you're always such a sweetheart and it's always a pleasure to see you on my dash. :) <3

@themacklemorebrothers hello, friend! :D i hope you're well!! you're a familiar n welcome face around these parts and i always treasure every comment and addition you leave to my posts or my reblogs. i especially love your dedication to making this a more accessible place for us all. you've made me laugh and smile countless times and i can't thank you enough for that. i hope this new year grants you the same smiles n laughter that you've given me and more!! :D <3

@toystoryfan hi, toy!! :) i always love reading your comments on the posts you reblog from me. you've made me smile n laugh so many times and blown me away with your insights, too. i always make sure to read anything you write when i see you in my activity tab & i especially love when you add on to headcanons or ideas. i hope you have a lovely new year and continue to share your thoughts while we wait for s5! :D

@chaserofstarsandtheabyss hello, hello!! i see you in my activity tab often and it's always such a treat! i love reading your thoughts on things and when you add on to any ideas or offer a different perspective. it's always so fun and refreshing and you never have to apologize for rambling! if anything, i encourage it hehe. :) i'm happy that we crossed paths this year and i wish you a happy new year, friend!

@gmaybe666 omgggggggg ngl i do be giggling n twirling my hair n kicking my feet whenever you prev me hehe. your art style scratches an itch in my brain that i didn't even know i had! it's just so.... [clenches fist] GOOD, you know? like, it just feel so Real, so Genuine, so True. i can feel your love pouring through with every artwork that you share. i look at those two boys and i SEE mike and will as they really are! and that's so special! your art, your vision, and your talent is so special. your comic series is so powerfully evocative especially. gets me right in my achy breaky heart with how tender and true it is. </3 thank you so much for sharing your skills with us! i wish you a very happy new year! :)

@emblazons TUMBLR USER EMBLAZONS!!! did you know that you're so very smart and observant and also witty and that i cherish you and everything that you so graciously share with us very, very much? well, now you do! i love your gifs, i love your careful and powerful analyses, i love the way that you speak about these characters and their journeys both individually and together, i just... i love your passion for this art form! i love hearing your thoughts and i'm soooo happy that i came across your blog. i love seeing you on my dash and gobble up everything that you share with us. you've made me reconsider so many things and really expanded my understanding in ways that i appreciate so much. thank you for all that you do for this fandom and happy new year!! 🥳🍾

@light-lanterne hi, angel! :) this isn't the first time you've heard this and it certainly won't be the last, but it bears repeating anyway!! thank you sooooo so so much for what you've done for the byIer fandom!! seriously, no one is doing it like you!! you're a true artist with such a lovely heart. your fic rec blog is such an unbelievably kind and generous thing to do. i can't even begin to imagine the amount of happiness you've likely brought writers by not only giving their works attention but also so much love!! your edits are fantastic!! and the fact that you actually take the time to read them to get an idea before putting something together? you have such a good, good heart. please, never change! again, thank you so much. not even just for that, but even your own works!! which are so unique!! i've seriously never read anything like them. your love for your fellow fandom friends, for your fellow creatives, for this show, and for art and community themselves shows in everything that you do. i hope and pray that this new year brings you just as much happiness as you've so freely given to others and more!! thank you, thank you, thank you! for everything! <3

@chirpsythismorning we've never spoken before, but i just wanted to say thank you for my life lmao. when volume two dropped, the byIer nation was in SHAMBLES until you came along. seriously, you dragged us just like this out of the deepest darkest pits of hell kicking and screaming and sobbing and wailing on the brink of death and for that i am so thankful lol. when i was ready to give up the crumb of hope that i still had left you were there to refill my plate and get me back on my byIer feet hehe. every time i see one of your posts on my dash i always take the time to read because i know it'll be good. again, thank you so much for everything that you've done for this fandom!! i hope that this new year treats you well!! :)

@frodohaven HADLEY!! i have never spoken to you because i am so Shy but just know that i admire u from afar. in a non-creepy way ofc. your posts are always so #real and true and factual and your st x lotr posts are especially chef's kiss. i've never seen a post of yours cross my dash that DIDN'T slap and tbh i don't think such a post exists? it's just impossible. you're so funny, so smart, and i LOVE seeing you in these byIer streets. i hope you have a lovely new year!!

@wibble-wobbegong hi! :) i've already said what i'm about to say to you before hehe, but it bears repeating anyway!! thank you so much for all of your contributions to this fandom, really and truly. your analyses are top tier and i'm always so fascinated by your perspective on things. i always make sure to read your posts when they come across my dash and i've seriously never come away from one not learning something new. i love that you hold these takes and beliefs so close to your heart and how willing you are to engage in conversation. you're funny, you're intelligent, and you've always been so kind to me when we have interacted which i cherish very much. i hope you have a lovely new year and i can't wait to learn so much more from you! thank u sm for sharing your thoughts with us as much as you have! :)

[bitchineering]

You don't know me... but let's work on that

Okay so like, I'm never active anymore. Really just gave up being active on tumblr because who the f is active here. Also I have a funny name now so it's fine- don't hate me for it.

Anyway, I thought, wow I really hate some stuff with teaching and no one having resources to free educational things so I thought to myself, why don't I just post items on here?!

Yea so that's what this is. You have classes you want to take, you don't have the ability to learn almost everything you ever wanted? Your teacher sucks ass? Well hopefully this helps makes everything better.

Mostly, all resources I know are about science and math (🫢wow surprised?!), and they can be tailored for whatever you need in long run. This became much longer than I thought it would be lol!

Topics Included:

Computer Science

Physics/Engineering

Math (HS Algebra and up)

Arts/Humanities

Computer Science

https://github.com/ossu/computer-science: this literally builds so much for coding and getting someone into programming. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for some classes (I don't know how much it would help with AP Computer Science or Principles, but it has so much information, anyone really wanting to learn about code could get started with this.

https://www.freecodecamp.org/: another win website, I'd def say a little more chaotic (?). It depends how you want to learn you know. Love the web design bs, not really into it, but their tuts and videos were helpful enough for myself.

https://cs50.harvard.edu/x/2023/: Another beauty, these lectures really give so much for programming. Classes are held where you can even attend without being a harvard student. Lectures are intense imo, as it is a lot of content all in your face but just love the guy.

https://www.youtube.com/@alexlorenlee: Java. If you need any help in starting Java, I love these videos. He got me through a horrible class in my uni. Love him fr fr.

https://www.youtube.com/@crr0ww: Learning about any sorta malware, educational resources to get started with understanding your network, overall, just a really smart and funny guy. Love his videos. Really good at explaining basic contents.

https://www.youtube.com/@ColinGalen: Recommend his learning videos and how to think almost like a chess grandmaster. My own cs professor talks about drawing out code and being able to actually write what is going on in code.

Physics/Engineering/Sciences?

(sorry, I'm not mechanical engineer 🙈)

Electrical Engineering: Youtuber Michel Van Biezen is AMAZING. Also, dude as a sick ass drip and I love the bow tie. His circuits and physics lectures are so entertaining and helpful to understand. I really really really loved his videos as they helped me pull my grades up. His explanations are top tear, I really feel like he's so good at this.

GaTech Coursera Circuits: There are two of these classes here.

DC Circuit Analysis: First course. Helps you learn almost everything you should have learned in Physics Two and if not, don't worry they explain it somewhat well. Videos are condensed and good enough for someone to watch. Just know they don't do calculations on screen, and those can be pretty lengthy to solve.

AC Circuit Analysis: Same as above, they don't have as many items for this course, but def know it is a good course and necessary for understanding more modern circuit applications.

Every engineer wants to be him -> Michael Reeves , if you've never heard of him, please. This man will make you want to recreate his robots. He's a genius. He's everything every engineer wishes they could be.

NileRed : Do you want to be a fake chemist because Ochem made you want to die?? Well actually I just took chem 1 and changed my major, but NileRed it literally so fun. His chem videos are so fun and cool.

Thought Emporium -> mad biology scientists? Love this guy too! He's trying to be Spider-man and I love him for that. I hope he recreates those spiderwebs, I've been watching it for so long. Love this dude.

Robotics Engineering: Done by a youtuber who love for the anime reps!!! This guy focuses more on VR/AR, but loves carrying the same vibes as Michael Reeves, a Russian youtuber I know, and just overall very fun.

Mechatronics: Things to know for going into the field of Mechatronics (basically this is Robotics, just the more machine side). They recommend having that backbone in the core classes.

Learning for Engineering Students: Love that someone who was an actual engineer made some sort of engineering studying help. Would totally recommend watching, along with some other youtubers,

Tamer Shaheen (Mechanical Engineer) notes and exam recitation guides

British Engineer Loved her video, really similar to my own method of doing repeated practice problems.

My own study method!!! Create a google docs with Three columns:

Topic -> Usually this is how I'd organize the question. I did docs like these for each class, so I instead would put this as some topic within my class OR I would organize it by assignment it correlated to. I.E. alternating circuits or homework

Question -> really self explanatory, make sure to give details, dates, who you think you should ask, etc etc. There are no dumb questions, I'd really recommended these for computer science and would totally give my notes out for that shit.

Answers -> another self explanatory category, however, would recommend doing something a lil different with this box. Don't overwrite explanations. Also, don't take explanations. Write your own understanding of the solution, and a link/cite/provide some evidence for you or someone to turn back to.

Math

Organic Chemistry Tutor: Just, this man is everything. He has so many videos not only for chemistry but for other classes. I put him in math mostly because I used him for calculus I and II.

Khan Academy : Tbh, I loved their calculus course material. I'm not the biggest fan of them overall with some other provided materials (Like their SAT prep, really is only effective for helping students take it online and grading fast, but I'm pretty sure I have another post explaining how I found online materials for that bs and got a passing grade).

3 Blue 1 Brown (Math/ Calculus) : I feel like everyone knows him, he's so good at visualizing concepts. Great but still very complex videos, please understand that before going in. You might not be able to understand everything on first try, but always draw them out.

Studying Pure Math : Once you finished calculus and would enjoy some rigorous applications/learn about higher levels of math, this youtuber has linked a multitude of resources for those mathematical desires lol.

Small ideas of what is mathematics but this is such a beautiful video in explaining how mathematics is built up from each other. I think it changes your idea of how to study math (however, he does say you shouldn't memorize this stuff, but in the next bullet point, I wanted to show how I studied for math which did involve memorizing methods).

Studying thing I learned from youtuber but had sorta done myself, just think showing off this youtuber who's in oxford is fun!!!!

(Okay so I didn't find it, but the youtuber I thought who said the idea was Lucy Wang, still linking channel for the woman in math!!!).

So, in class you should be writing down examples, writing questions to the side, and looking for a pattern. When you find this pattern, you can organize your notes and your test answers. So like when doing an optimization problem in calculus, you have to draw the system, set up equations, ask what are you solving for, and the show the methods you used to solve. I would also recommend this for any numerical questions (for me, this included circuits, physics, and other math classes I've taken for a long time).

Professor Leonard: This man saved my calculus III grade. I love him. Please, he has almost all calculus classes, I don't think he has finished Differential equations and possibly one of his algebra courses, but his information is just great. His method of teaching is also phenomenal. And in the last video of his multivariable calculus playlist, he had the best quote ever. His wife and him were expecting a child, and he stated (this is horribly paraphrased but this was all I was thinking during my own calc III final):

"I'm pregnant- wait no- my wife's pregnant... But damn, I bet you I'd look good pregnant."

Arts/Literature/Humanities

https://www.youtube.com/@Chommang: Beautiful art, really enjoyed drawing alongside. Implores you to find your own style, but helps with anatomy, reference drawing, I literally knew nothing about this bs. But I really enjoy the videos.

Puppet History : Okay. So I know what you'll say if you saw these videos. But really, just if you want to start with history, it's such a good introduction, such a fun cast, and the lore is also something that I really think makes characters funny, long lasting, god. It's just so good and well written for some youtube puppet fever dream.

Reading Analysis: Literally just came up on my rec on youtube. Really nice in explaining the actual analysis of the text.

Japanese: I used it for practicing listening to Japanese, mostly just me trying to recognized sounds and words. I'm still a beginner in Japanese, cannot actually hold conversations, but this has helped me listen to others better.

Geography Now!: Learning anything about countries/ needing to learn about countries relationships, just enjoy knowing much trivia. I'd recommend this for those items. Also like, learning about other countries are so much fun! I would def say, there are countries he doesn't examine as in depth, ie, India. But if you're just getting into geography boom, here you go.

Some other recommendations for history, look up on coursera, edx, I mostly learn alot of these topics on youtube with video essays. Ngl, your own political beliefs will heavily affect how you learn these topics. There's no way around this. I hope for the sake of whomever, just please, learn both sides actual arguments. And if debates ever turn to arguments/yelling matches, leave. You need to have a strong sense of self- and in the end, if the other person doesn't understand or want to, there's nothing you can do about it. You can keep thinking your own beliefs, or feel inclined to research the topic later. If anyone gives you shit for believe in something that turns out to be factually incorrect, accept how you were wrong, why you were wrong, and understand that being wrong is a path of knowledge. If someone else believes you are wrong, however, they can't factual cite this, that is just a disagreement over some topic.

A thing I've said to others, is that everyone interprets the bible differently. You interpret His messages in a way I can never understand. And I the same. Since I cannot tell you how to interpret the bible, you cannot tell me. Something I truly believe is everyone has their own connection with God (not saved to Christianity, I know this is from an idiot in the bible belt in the USA but we'll deal with that later), and that connection guides them through life.

So for building this mindset, some books/videos I'd recommend:

*Please know, these books may contain triggering/unpleasant topics that readers should look into before selecting a book to read.*

The Myth Of Sisyphus, Albert Camus

Everyone's favorite psychopath, No Longer Human Osamu Dazai

Capitalism Realism Mark Fisher

Ecrits Jacques Lacan

Make It Stick Science of Successful Learning

Absurdism: A video similar to topic above, less academia-y language.

Classics Worth Reading: love love love Emmie! Her videos are pretty fun and I really enjoyed her classics recommendation.

Small amount of topics to go look up, search what you love, stay away from what you don't like. In the end, help yourself become a well rounded person by building up those ideas.

If yall wanna add more, please please please! Education is something I'll never get enough of. I believe it should be free, nonpolitical, and inspiring for all. Everyone deserves education because it makes us smart, capable, and healthy individuals. It builds our future. Good luck in your educational future. Hopefully I have spur of the moment to post my small study ideas, or resources for studying, so that others can focus being more time efficient. Just remember, control f (windows <3) or command f (mac users) to find whatever you need.

[omegaremix]

Spring 2005 Mixtape:

Aphex Twin Analord 1-5

Hanin Elias “Apparente Mas” (live)

Roxy Music “Avalon”

Boyd Rice “Black Light District”

Unsane Blood Run

Cure, The “Boys Don’t Cry”

Techno Animal The Brotherhood Of The Bomb

Willie Hutch “Brother’s Gonna Work It Out”

Curtis Mayfield & The Impressions “Choice Of Colors”

J.J. Paradise Players Club “Cotton Balls”

Vast Aire f. El-P “Dr. Hell No & The Praying Mantus”

J.J. Paradise Players Club “Drag”

Rolling Stones “Emotional Rescue”

Sway & King Tech “Enough Beef”

Common “The Food”

Slick Idiot “Forgive Me”

Sequence, The “Funk You”

Michael Gira “Game”

Tom Tom Club “Genius Of Love”

Pig Destroyer “Gravedancer”

Renix Crew f. Oxygen “Iron Shield”

Steely Dan “Josie”

Einsturzende Neubauten Kalte Sterne

Pigface “King Of Negativity”

Alec Empire “Kiss Of Death”

Sun Ra “Lanquidity”

Los Nosequien Y Los Nosequantos “Las Torres”

Usher & Ludacris & L’il Jon “Lovers & Friends”

Lo-Down Clique “Mad Fright Night”

J.J. Paradise Players Club “Magic Skin”

Coti “Nada Fue En Error”

Alec Empire “Night Of Violence”

Lee Ranaldo “Notebook”

Canned Heat “On The Road Again”

Imamu Amiri Baraka “Our Nation Is Like Ourselves”

Fonda Rae “Over Like A Fat Rat”

Ministry “Primental” (live)

They Might Be Giants “Put Your Hands On The Puppet Head”

Yak Ballz “Queens Life”

Merzbow Rainbow Electronics

Deep Throat  OST “Run Linda Run”

Cop Shoot Cop “She’s Like A Shot”

Dire Straits “So Far Away”

Echoing Green “Story Of Our Lives”

Kool Keith “Takin’ It Back”

Talib Kweli “Talk To You”

Everly Brothers, The “Talking To The Flowers”

Pig Destroyer “Towering Flesh”

Gil-Scott Heron “A Very Precious Time”

Juanes “Volverte A Ver"

Jesu “We All Faulter”

Little Brother “Whatever You Say”

Nine Inch Nails With Teeth

Phil Western World’s End

Sun Ra “Yucatan” (Saturn VER)

Nas “2nd Childhood” (9th Wonder RMX)