#My Terrible Writing

[ramblingoak]

The Late Assistant

(Cardinal Copia x female reader, nsfw, 18+ only, MDNI)

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“Shit shit shit shit,” you chanted as you took the stairs two at a time and then veered around the corner when you reached the top.  Your steps echoed through the hallway as you raced to Copia’s office door.  Oh god what if he had already left for the day?  You were an absolute shit assistant and a terrible girlfriend, if he even thought of you that way.

You had promised Copia you’d come back that evening and bring dinner with you.  He had been working on a sermon for the next mass he was holding and had asked for some extra help with some translations.  You had hoped this was all a ruse to just make out in his office some more.  A lot more.  The kissing and progressively heavier petting was the best part about being his assistant.

Too bad all of that was gone now, because you were late and dinnerless and were also probably very fired.  You would only have memories of his sweet kisses and skilled hands.  All you had planned on doing was taking a short nap before dinner but you had slept through your alarm and woke up in horror to see it was hours after you told him you’d be back.

Your feet skidded to a stop in front of his office door and you rested your hand on the knob, taking a moment to catch your breath.  Fuck he’d probably gone to his room.  Hungry and sad about his assistant ditching him.  He was probably sitting on his couch telling his rats about how he’d have to look for a new assistant.  Telling them that your very skilled kissing and skilled petting wasn’t enough.  

You heard a muffled sound from inside and said a quiet thank you to Lucifer that you’d be able to apologize to the Cardinal tonight and beg for forgiveness.  And then maybe make out a little.  

“Copia I am so sorr-oh shit!” Your apology was cut off right as you took your first steps into the room and stopped by your desk.

“Satan’s dick!” The Cardinal was sitting behind it, leaning back in your chair.  His legs were kicked up on top of the pile of papers in your inbox.

And his hands were on his exposed cock.

Copia tried to swing his legs off the desk and sit up all while frantically attempting to shove himself back into his pants.  You opened your mouth to try and get him to calm down but his actions caused your chair to tilt too far back and he tumbled over backwards straight into the wall.

Rushing around the desk you fell to your knees to help him get up but you looked at his still form in horror, “Copia?” you timidly called his name a few more times as you prodded his chest.  Oh god he’d snapped his neck.  You had basically snapped his neck.  You had killed your boyfriend and your boss and oh Lucifer his dick was so beautiful.

"Cardinal?  Oh fuck Copia please I am so sorry!” You frantically shook him, trying to blink back rapidly forming tears. “Copia I need you to wake up please!”

A pitiful moan escaped his mouth and you reached up to his cheeks and started gently patting them.  His eyes slowly opened and he looked up at you, then began to get a dopey grin on his face.

“Amore!  I was, eh, just thinking about you!  You were late and I was worried and thinking about how beautiful you were,” He attempted to sit up while he went on but groaned a bit more and reached up to clutch the back of his head, “How beautiful and amazing you are.  About your lips and how good it feels when you touch me.”

“No, no Copia don’t move. Let me call the nurse,” you turned and began to reach for your desk phone when you felt his hand on your arm.

“Cara mia no, I am fine!  Just a little bump!  I am completely fine and you’re here and now we can do some of that petting I know you love!” He grinned at you but his eyes weren’t focusing, “You see I was uh, at your desk looking for your number!  Si, I was going to call you because you were late and my girl, she is never late.”

His girl.  You were his girl.  He had smashed his head into the wall because of you but you were still his girl.  Maybe you’d still get to assist him with translations.  And kissing.

Just as you were going to start to coo at him and help him up you heard a throat clearing from behind you.  Copia tilted his head to glance at the source of the noise and he squinted at them.

“Sister?  We uh, didn’t hear you knock!  Yes we were just here, working late even!  Translating.  Lots of translating, right cara mia?” Copia giggled and made no attempt to hide the wink he sent your way.  You turned your head to face Sister Imperator and braced yourself for her wrath.

“Well Cardinal I didn’t knock because your door was wide open.  And I think the whole floor heard you two shouting,” Imperator sighed and turned towards the doorway, “Sister I’m going to call for the nurse to come take a look at his head.  Please stay here and keep him comfortable.”

“Of course!  Yes I will keep an eye on him,” You turned back and smiled down at Copia.  He was looking up at you, giggling to himself and trying to pet at your chest.  You slapped his hands away and attempted to keep a serious face in front of Imperator.  

“Oh and sister?  Put his dick away before the nurse gets here.”

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(If you read this whole dumb thing thank you!  I haven’t written fanfiction in many many many years.  Ghost has been inspiring for me though so I’ve finally been tempted to give writing a go again 💙💙💙)

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my masterlist

my ao3

[gethoce]

Project Halberd, Chapter 3: Protobot Armour

First - Previous

Upon arriving in the next room the trio is met with rows upon rows of containers filled with colourful vehicle parts attached to a rail system that is meant for transport from one point to another following a path on the ceiling of the hall. Excitedly Axe Knight points at them giving Meta Knight an enthusiastic look as he whispers to him. “Those can bring us straight to Mace Knight's location! We just have to sneak inside and let the machines do the rest.”

The blue knight observes the vehicle parts with great attention. It seems as though they were just large enough for the duo to remain obscured within a corner. A perfect hiding spot. All they need to do is to get past the workers first. Looking left and right he spots two Haltworkers eagerly moving differently coloured parts around and checking each for damages and imperfections. He would just have to find the right moment to sneak past them. As he whispers back to the skull-faced warrior he lifts a hand, not lifting his gaze from the Haltworkwers for even a second. “Which of these containers do you suggest we head for?”

The rail system has space for eight containers simultaneously, with six present at the time. Axe Knight analyses each from afar with a stern expression. The Haltworkers seem to move parts from containers featuring a single colour to one that holds a variety of differing colours. That is the one Axe Knight points towards as he replies, silently. “This one is being prepared for transport to the next section. Perhaps if we could cause a distraction these workers would look away just long enough for us to sneak inside.”

Meta Knight's gaze falls upon their new robot friend, who stares back at him attentively. He didn't need to speak a word, JAV138 begins to make its way towards one of the parts laid out for further damage inspection and pretends to get stuck on one of its corners, knocking it over onto the ground with a loud thud. In shock both Haltworkers turn their attention towards the robot, who innocently continues to float around. Hastily the two rush to the fallen part, lifting it off the ground nervously checking for damages while cursing the security unit under their breaths.

In the meantime Meta Knight signals for Axe Knight to get going. With swift yet silent steps they make their way to the container and climb into the corners of one of the lower hanging vehicle parts. The horned warrior moves his hands in front of his mouth holding back a chuckle. This had been the funniest thing he had done all week. Meta Knight, however, keeps his cool carefully continuing to listen in on what is going on outside of the container.

They can hear the two Haltworkers chatting before placing another part into the container. Soon after they can hear a gate shutting down. Axe Knight's eyes light up and he gives Meta Knight a triumphant thumbs up. Now it is only a matter of time until they will be transported to Mace Knight's location! Though he can't help but worry about JAV138. What if the robot behaves in a suspicious manner causing workers and security to become suspicious? Meta Knight is confident that the robot will find its way back to them eventually.

A couple minutes later a robotic arm appears above the container and lifts it up into the air before beginning to move the box away from this section of the factory. The two knights dare to peak out now that there are no more eyes on them and watch the many workers and machines go through their monotonous routines. Before too long Axe Knight points at their next destination, whispering loudly to not get drowned out by the sounds of the rails above. “There will be another worker there, but they will be busy preparing these parts for further assembly. At my signal we get outta here and sneak through the nearest gate. It should lead directly to Mace Knight's work station.”

Meta Knight nods, eyeing the gate closely. He can make out a figure clad in purple screwing lamps onto a vehicle part that looks much like the one they are currently hiding in. Shortly after the container is lowered into position and the gate opens once again. Axe Knight lifts a finger, carefully observing the motions of the Haltworker responsible for this section. They take out a part from a different box and begin to carry it to yet another machine.

As the worker turns their back to their container, Axe Knight signals for the two to leave. With his heart racing he rushes around a corner through the next gate and hides pressed against the other side of the wall, observing the area while keeping an eye open for Meta Knight who follows closely behind him. He lets out a sigh and then finally lays eyes upon his friend in need.

Mace Knight is right there, still wasting away doing his job, not noticing them yet. Without much further hesitation Axe Knight swiftly sneaks towards his side, heart pounding in his chest. The worker almost shrieks in surprise as he notices his friend. Axe Knight is here! Truly here! He can hardly contain his excitement, holding his hands against his mouth before embracing him in a tight hug. Angrily he whispers into his ear as the viking furiously hugs back. “Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? If security catches wind of this you're finished!”

Remembering the alarm from earlier worry creeps up on the assembly worker. He takes a deep breath. As frightened as he is there is a faint hope growing within his heart. By no means does he believe that they can actually leave this factory alive. The container method can only be used one way, they would have to find a different path out. Axe Knight holds onto his friend's shoulders and gestures towards the approaching Meta Knight with a nod. “Not with this knight by our side. He'll make short proces with anyone who will stand in our way! We run to the nearest exit and he'll chip away at anyone who dares to come close!”

The tall purple worker looks at the mercenary, unsure about his strength. He does look fierce, but could he truly stand up against war machines? It may be a high risk, yet he can't miss out on this chance. He doubted Axe Knight's words before, it is about time he trusts him. With a heavy heart he accepts the proposal. “Okay, there is a route we could take that should have less eyes on us initially.”

The knight turns around to face into the direction opposite of where they came from. Axe Knight strikes a victory pose exclaiming with glee. “Yeah, we will show them what's what!” Swiftly Mace Knight leads the two intruders towards the direction of a backdoor, attempting to look as non-suspicious as possible in the process. He briefly stops at a wall full of lockers and withdraws something from within without a word. As he turns around Meta Knight is surprised to find a huge morningstar resting within his arms. The cyborg nods as briefly explains himself. “Now we can go. I'm not gonna go through this unarmed.”

Axe Knight gives him two thumbs up and then giddily rushes to the nearby backdoor. The idea of being so close to freedom fills him with intense excitement that threatens to burst out at any scond. As he swings the door open a loud thud can be heard. Startled, he turns back to the door looking it up and down, yet it appears to be fine. Meta Knight turns around at that moment, having heard the thud coming from even further behind them.

“Something's coming,” he whispers just before the sounds reach their ears once again, now recognisable as metallic steps. A large robotic suit of armour stomps into view piloted by none other than Cyborg Samurai, Mace Knight's coworker who left earlier. Axe Knight's and his friend's eyes flash a bright red as they are struck with the startling realisation. Both exclaim at the same time what it is they are being faced with; “The Protobot Armour!”

Meta Knight doesn't hesitate to draw his sword in sparkling flash of yellow light as the machine approaches, a sharp look gracing his face, determination dazzling within his eyes. The suit of armour raises its arms in a display of threat as the samurai gives them a final warning. “Is this how you honour the man who has saved your life, repaired your broken body and offered you food and shelter, Mace Knight? Return to your station this instant and I shall forget about your transgressions. The other two, however, will be crushed for daring to trespass onto this property!”

A cold shiver runs down Mace Knight's spine. Of course he was immensely grateful for everything President Haltmann had done for him, yet was it enough to surrender his freedom for duty? The answer didn't come easy to him initially, yet now he knows what he needs to do; leave and never come back. “Gladly I worked for him out of gratitude for years, Cyborg, same as you, but there is a point in time where an agreement turns into exploitation and you need to realise that! This is your chance to leave as well, Cyborg! Come with us.”

Axe Knight pumps his fist in the air, agreeing with his best friend wholeheartedly, if perhaps sceptical about the probability of this warrior changing sides given how prepared he is, yet he cheers loudly all the same. “He's right, Cy! You gotta see that.” The Protobot Armour takes a step further towards the group, weapons readied for combat, his voice full of aggression as he snaps back at them. “If that's your final answer, then you too shall perish!”

Cyborg Samurai slams the right fist of the armour to the ground where the trio is standing. Axe Knight and Mace Knight cower in fear, weapons raised defensively. This is the end, they think, sobbing as their demise appears to be imminent. They hear a loud thud, yet there is no pain. Both look themselves up and down before raising their faces to stare at their companion. Meta Knight stands tall between the two, sword held high with two hands against the fist, eyes glowing with willpower, gaze shifting to the two as he speaks to them with a serious tone. “Continue to head for the exit. We just need to slow him down enough, this isn't over yet.”

“This is impossible! Mountains crumble before the might of the Protobot Armour! How are you still standing?” The samurai shouts, retracting his fist in a swinging motion, stepping back while gritting his teeth beneath his helmet, growling. “Dumb luck, that's all that was. Watch this!” He lifts the left arm of the machine which features a cannon, the circular parts within spin and glow as the weapon charges up with a violent sound. “We gotta get outta here!” Axe Knight shrieks before making a mad dash towards the door, followed by a frightened Mace Knight.

Meta Knight, however, does not back off. Instead he watches closely for a moment, annoying Cyborg Samurai immensely. Much to the worker's shock the knight steps forward just as the cannon is supposed to go off and does a swift back-flip kicking the weapon upwards so it's forced to aim into the air. A loud booming sound is heard as the cannon goes off and smoke fills the room, obscuring Meta Knight. This is his chance to slip away.

Grumbling Cyborg Samurai bats the smoke away, stepping forward In search of the escaping knights. The sirens of an alarm can be heard, putting pressure onto both his own mind and that of the escapees in the distance. Meta Knight catches up with the duo, as they make their way towards the fence that surrounds the factory. He signals his arrival to them with a wave, both cheering in delight. “You made it!”

“I thought you were a goner for sure!” Mace Knight exclaims, “He is not someone to be underestimated! Told you so!” Axe Knight replies, while Meta Knight turns back to see whether they are being followed. For the first time today he is visibly surprised as he discovers the armour he thought to be slow and sluggish racing after them with extreme speed. Before he can react the robot bats him away into the direction of a garbage container with a loud bang.

The duo gasps, turning around as they run, their jaws would drop if they had any. “Meta Knight!” Axe Knight shouts, while Mace Knight lifts his weapon ready to strike, shivering in fear. A sinister chuckle overcomes the samurai. “Hehehe, you really thought you could escape someone wearing the Protobot Armour? You should consider it an honour to be obliterated by its hand!” He points his cannon at them once again, this time already halfway charged up. The duo gulps, ready to parry the attack, desperately hoping that it would work.

Suddenly a sword slashes through the weak joint connecting the cannon to the rest of the armour and it drops to the ground with a thud. Meta Knight swooped by within the blink of an eye, red cape flaring out behind him revealing two impressive bat-like wings, sword still held out to his side. The samurai stares at him dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds until he finds himself capable of commenting on the matter. “You- you actually damaged the Protobot Armour? That… that is unforgivable!”

With a growl he commands the remaining arm to lunge forward towards the knight. Swiftly Meta Knight jumps on top of the arm and from there onto the cockpit of the armour. Before the arm can reach him he has already pulled the samurai out of his seat and thrown him onto the ground. The armour, now without a pilot, shuts down and Meta Knight leaps off of it landing in front of the other warrior holding his sword to his face.

The cyborg finds himself laying face down on the ground, unarmed and at the edge of a blade, all he can do now is run or surrender. Meta Knight briefly looks up to check in on his two companions, only to find them still waiting for him. “Keep going even when I'm behind!” He shouts as he steps towards them. “We gotta stick together! This is about leaving nobody behind!” Mace Knight replies loudly. Sniffling, Axe Knight rubs his eyes, sobbing. “This is the most beautiful conclusion you could have come to, Mace.”

Grumbling Meta Knight looks behind himself. Several security units are on the way to their location, floating even over the buildings to reach the trespassers. With a huff he narrows his eyes and turns his heels stepping forward. Suddenly, a hand grabs his cape, keeping him from going any further. Cyborg Samurai holds onto him tightly, yelling at him with a demanding undertone. “Don't just leave without finishing me off! Do not dishonour me thus!”

Meta Knight narrows his eyes at the fallen samurai disapprovingly, his gaze briefly shifting towards the approaching security units. With swift steps Axe Knight and Mace Knight move in front of the two, weapons raised high to buy them some time, the latter yelling at his former colleague. “Stop that nonsense, Cyborg! Just come with us instead of pitying yourself to death!”

“It is not about self-pity!” The samurai shouts back, “I have dishonoured President Haltmann by my defeat, the very person who saved my life. I must regain this honour by paying with this very life.” With a sharp exhale Meta Knight reacts, turning around once again walking towards the exit, much to the samurai's shock. “There is no honour in killing when it is not necessary. I will not do such a thing,” he replies with a rough tone.

“No. I do not wish to be served by anyone for any reason,” Meta Knight replies coldly as he walks away, “Yet you may follow us out of here.” This is good enough for the samurai, for now. He nods and giddily follows the blue warrior. Meanwhile Mace Knight and Axe Knight begin to struggle with the incoming amount of enemy units. For every robot smashed with a morningstar or slashed with a battle axe two new enemies seem to appear. The four become more and more cornered in, with the fence just in reach.

The samurai's face lights up in awe as he watches Meta Knight leave. These words of this stranger, so oddly familiar and inspiring. As hesitant as he was to abandon his duty, the words of these knights are of truth. With all his strength he gets back up and stumbles after the unfamiliar warrior, mumbling with emotion.

“Your code of honour… You must have learned from the great Morpho Knight! You've spared my life and therefore I owe you like I did President Haltmann before. Please allow me to serve you instead from this day forward!” He bows down to the knight while his former coworkers clash their weapons with the security units, visibly surprised, yet hoping for the approval of the mysterious knight.

Meta Knight raises his sword to the side ready to jump into action as suddenly one of the units begins to shoot down most of the robots directly surrounding the group. It is JAV138 who came back for them! The knight smiles and sheaths his sword before taking hold of Axe Knight and Mace Knight, wings spreading out wide before he takes flight taking the two warriors with him. They yelp in surprise, but quickly regain their composure, holding onto the knight while looking back to the chaos they're leaving behind at the factory.

The Cyborg Samurai reveals a jetpack on his back, floating after the team with great speed and regained confidence, followed by the rogue security unit, JAV138 who sets a couple more shots flying as they leave the area. “They will likely not give up so easily. We need to leave the planet as soon as possible,” Meta Knight explains while leading the team back to where he left Captain Vul with the stolen spaceship.

Axe Knight cheers as the factory fades into the distance. “I can't believe we actually made it out of this alive! The second I saw that armour I thought we were done for!” His friend remains a little more wary, replying with a cautious tone. “We aren't safe yet. They will certainly report this to the GSA. We are going to be wanted criminals. Still better than rotting away in that factory, I suppose.”

—

As the group approaches the hidden away spaceship Captain Vul takes another drag from his cigar, eyes narrowed as he looks into the distance, noticing that Meta Knight has come with more companions than expected. “Should 'ave expected the unexpected wit' that lad…”

Swiftly he rushes inside and starts the ship for a quick escape, leaving the door open as the vehicle rises into the air for the warriors to enter. “Hurry! We will likely be followed!” Meta Knight exclaims to the captain as he drops the two warriors back down and wanders to his seat as the door closes with everyone safely inside. The captain groans disgruntled. “Are ye determined t' get us killed? I thought this was gonna be a stealth mission! How much ruckus did ye cause?”

The four rescued warriors look out the window trying to spot the factory, both excited and anxious, except for JAV138 who keeps a cool head. “The HWC is aware of our transgressions and is going to report this event to the GSA. Caution is advised.” The captain takes a deep breath and gives Meta Knight a stern look, muttering something under his breath.

Remaining confident Meta Knight folds his wings back underneath his red cape, giving the captain some hope with his words. “We shall head to Silverstar first, then come up with a new strategy there. I'd hope to discard this ship to avoid suspicion.” The captain sighs with a weak smile, setting everything in motion for a quick travel to another planet. “Headin' t' Silverstar.”

[milleemo]

Hellcheer scene that I just gotta get outta my head:

Chrissy is not much of a heavy rock and roll fan, but there's just something about that new Van Halen song that just came out that just resonates with her. So one night, after cheer practice, she waits until all the other girls have left and puts 5150 in the boombox. Track 2 is already set to play and the moment the music starts she's choreographing an entire routine. Alone, in her own little world where there's no dominating mothers or smothering boyfriends, she lets herself take control for once, and tries not to let the song lyrics remind her too much about the budding new friendship between herself and the resident school "freak".

Meanwhile, said freak is heading down the hall after wrapping up particularly riveting epilogue to the epic showdown that was the previous Hellfire sesh, and happens to hear the Dutch Master himself playing from the gym. Curious, he looks in through the double doors and sees Chrissy Cunningham, the girl who just keeps on surprising him, dancing her little heart out.

And here he thought he couldn't fall any more in love with her than he already had.

[moorishflower]

So I wrote and performed a shanty based on that post by @rat-hand about the crew disappearing

I am not musically inclined so this is super rough but I haven't written anything in aaaages and wanted to give it a go, and shanties have a relatively easy structure

[temporalbystander]

Okay, reading some fanfiction has gotten me teary and in the mood to write. So, after the cut, see what I think a conversation between Tom Dupain and Faybon would sound like in regards to Marinette. Guess the inspiration. Hint, I reblogged it earlier.

Tom always considered himself a kind man. Sure he could be as stubborn as his father was and he got emotional whenever his daughter was involved, normally to disastrous results, but he always thought of himself as kind. So it was understandable that he felt like he had to do something regarding the current situation, he just didn't have a clue what it should be.

The day had started off the same as any other with the sole difference being how sick Marinette was. Her friends had all come over after school to cheer her up of course, it made Tom's heart swell to see how many people cared about his little girl, and eventually the large group had split in two. The girls were all in Marinette's bedroom while the boys were playing games in the flat. That is with one noticeable exception. Tom glanced to his side at the boy who was helping him clean as his thoughts drifted back to when they were first introduced.

Tom had been so excited to have one of Paris' superheroes over, especially one who his daughter was in love with, that he had forgotten that Marinette had invited someone else over that day. The large man frowned as he thought about it again. He was sure he would have remembered being told of Marinette having a boy over yet the idea that she would invite him after knowing Chat Noir was coming? Well that didn't make sense to the baker. Still, Faybon had mostly kept to himself during the meal and had seen fit to go after Marinette when she ran to her room crying. There were brief flashes of memory from when he had become WereDad as well, seeing the normal boy standing next to Chat, his jacket torn from the thorns the Akuma had summoned. It showed a loyalty unlike most. But it showed something else too.

"Mr. Dupain?" Tom was brought from his thoughts as the boy spoke up. "May I ask you something?" The teen was hesitant as he began to talk, his hand going to tug at a cord he wore around his neck. There was laughter from the other room that put a smile on both their faces, before it faded from Faybon. Clearly he was worried about something.

"Of course dear boy." Tom responded with all the cheer he could muster. Against superheros and villains the boy was full of courage. Yet the moment it came to talking to an adult? It seemed to fade. Marinette had filled her father in after that day though and, while part of him couldn't quite grasp some of what she said, one part stood out clearly. Faybon was an orphan who had spent the majority of his life overlooked only really coming out of his shell that year. "What's on your mind?"

The teen's hands stopped their movement as he seemed to think of what to say. It wasn't like Tom needed the help but, when the boys and girls seemed to split off without a thought earlier, Faybon had been left standing there, unsure of what to do. So he had promptly been enlisted in clean up duty. Tom couldn't bear to think that the boy could just head home with nobody really taking notice so had wanted to at least make him feel needed for a bit longer.

"Have you ever thought about what life would be like once Monarch is defeated for good?" Tom had been expecting a question regarding Marinette, personally he thought the boy would be a good match for his girl. Patient and caring but able to be firm when needed. Not to mention brave and protective. Yet from the way his daughter spoke about the boy that didn't seem likely.

"I can't really say I have." The man answered the question as he put the last tray away, ready for business tomorrow, before wiping his hands on his apron. "I do believe it will happen." He added at the confused look the teen gave him. "But after having Ladybug and Chat Noir showing up whenever there's trouble? I can't think of Paris without them."

"Me neither."

"What brought this on?" Tom asked when it seemed like Faybon wasn't going to continue.

"it's just..." The boy trailed off as more noises of excitement came from the flat above. His look seemed almost sadder than it did a moment ago but it was gone so quickly that Tom wasn't even sure it was there. "So much has changed this past year that I can't help but wonder what will happen next." Faybon stopped tugging on the cord and instead began to fiddle with the charm bracelet on his wrist. "Not only with the super heroes but in everyday life as well. I mean." He paused before looking back up towards the flat. "Did you ever think that so many people, from so many different walks of life would be under your roof? All for Marinette?"

"I always knew my daughter was special if that's what your asking but I guess that might be my bias as a father." It didn't occur to Tom until after he spoke that it might have been a little insensitive to say something like that but Faybon's chuckles quickly eased whatever worries the baker may have had. "But I will admit, a lot has happened in so short a time that it is kind of hard to keep track of it all. However, I know my little girl can handle it."

"Of course she can. She's our everyday ladybug after all." Faybon chuckled as he said that, it must have been some sort of in joke the kids had. "Without her I probably wouldn't even be here now." There it was again. That look Tom thought he remembered from his time as WereDad. What should have been an innocent statement about opening up became something far more somber.

-------

.

..

...

.... Well I completely and utterly fucked that up! What was supposed to be a nice deep and meaningful conversation completely shifted out of focus. I couldn't even think of an appropriate ending to the stupid thing!

Before anyone tries to cheer me up let me say this. I've been trying my hand at writing for 15 years. So when I say that this is the worst piece of shit I have ever written I say that knowing I wrote a damn crossover for Harry Potter and the chipmunks cartoon when I was 12 that was meant to be a musical. That made sense, that had emotion and pacing. This? This sucked.

So since I can't accurately describe what Tom was supposed to have figured out by the end of that conversation I'll just tell you. Faybon is an extra in a movie, there to make Paris look alive but generally blurry and out screenshot whenever the good stuff is happening. Thanks to Marinette he got pulled into the spotlight. Faybon has read the script, he knows he's not meant to be in it as much as he is but, until the director cuts him out, he's improvising the best he can.

[stevebabey]

have sum steddie! maybe modern!au, no upside down!au & a meet cute <3

Steve sits in the booth, his foot tapping away mindlessly under the table, with half a mind to abandon the table entirely.

In fact, the only reason he hadn’t yet was because of the $20 he was hanging out for at the end. And the bragging rights, of course.

Robin had set him up on this blind date, plied him with all the promises in the world that he would enjoy it — said she’d spent a decent amount of time hunting for the right first gay date for Steve.

She also conceded that if he, for whatever reason, didn’t enjoy it, she would cough up 20 whole bucks for his wasted time. But he had to actually see the date through for the prize to be claimed.

And the bragging rights were so that Robin — with her uppity, healthy, and happy relationship that Steve was only a little bit envious of — could ease onto the breaks when it came to Steve’s love life.

So it was looking a little bleak at the moment, so what? Every stallion or… lion or whatever had their moments, right? Moments where their mane is a little uncouth and food is low and…. Where was he going with this?

The point was, that Robin got into one relationship and suddenly decided she was fit to become a high and mighty matchmaker. Never mind that Steve had reminded her numerous times that he had dated a lot more than she had.

So, for 20 bucks and the right to stick his tongue out at his best friend when she tried to meddle, Steve could stick one night out.

Besides, she was right about one thing. They weren’t in Hawkins anymore — and San Francisco had a hell of a larger dating pool than his hometown.

Still, that didn’t make people anymore for prompt for dates though, apparently. Steve’s foot taps incessantly under the table, his knee bouncing up and down in his nerves. He runs a hand through his hair and checks his watch again.

7 o’clock, Harvey’s Diner, a cute little Italian place that Steve had begun to frequent since they moved to the city, and a date with a dude called Daniel whom Steve had no idea what he looked like.

This was his Friday night plans.

His watch reads 7:12pm and Steve sighs, his fingers beginning to fiddle with the strap of his watch just for something to do. Great. He had gotten all dressed up for this? To be stood up? How was this any better than his usual Friday night plans that Robin claimed were so pathe—

“Hi.”

Someone sits down in the booth across from Steve, landing with a thump loud enough to give him a fright.

Steve’s head whips up from its focus on fiddling with his watch and— woah. Steve blinks once, twice, and feels his jaw unhinge a little, his lips parting an inch as he gazes at the stranger across from him.

Holy shit, this dude was hot.

He’s got curls for days, dark chocolate ringlets all messy and unkept spilling over his shoulders— long and probably perfect for burying your hands into. Steve flushes a little at the unexpected thought.

He has beautiful brown eyes, widened with a smudge of eyeliner and framed with long lashes. Steve thinks he can spy a smattering of freckles across his forehead. His nose is long and his lips are plush and pink and holy shit, this dude was pretty.

“Oh— hi.” Steve manages to remember his manners. Only after he fully checked this dude out, of course.

God, couldn’t Robin have given him a better warning than just ‘he’s probably your type’? Couldn’t she have warned him that this dude was ‘do-a-double-take-on-the-street type hot?’ What the fuck Robin?

The man across from him grins, wicked and alluring all at once, and shucks off his heavy leather jacket. His eyes do a once-over on Steve, taking his time to check him out— which is great because Steve is stuck on all the glorious tattoos that have just been revealed. So much skin shown in his roughly chopped muscle-tee, swirling ink all down his arms. This dude is hot.

Silently, Steve curses Robin and the 20 dollars that is totally slipping away from him. Why did she have to be right all the time?

“Been waiting long?” The man, Daniel, asks as he makes himself comfortable across the table. He pushes his hair back with both hands, using one hand to gather it into a ponytail, holding it up to air out his neck and Steve now realises he is slightly puffed.

He must’ve run part of the way here, to avoid being later than he was. Steve can’t help but be slightly endeared by that fact.

The man grins again, “Promise I was trying to be on time but, you know how the subway is.”

Steve huffs out a laugh, any annoyance at being kept waiting melting away at his date’s sincerity.

“Not too long,” Steve admits, smiling to ease Daniel’s apparent concern. Across the table, Daniel slumps a little and releases his hair, his curls pooling back around his shoulders. Steve watches, entranced.

“Well, that’s good,” Daniel smiles, eyes bright like he really means it, and his hand darts out to steal the drinks menu from the edge of the table. He looks back over to Steve, a furrow in his brows. “You didn’t order anything?”

“I thought I should wait,” Steve says with a shrug. No point paying for food if your date never shows up.

Daniel looks up from the menu through his lashes and smiles, placing his elbow on the table and dropping his chin in the palm of his hand. “Aw, you’re sweet.”

Steve is a little embarrassed by how easily the compliment makes him blush, feeling his cheeks glow lightly. Across the table, Daniel seems to revel in it, drinking in the way Steve’s face filled with colour with a cheeky smile. His eyes flick back down to the menu.

“You know,” Daniel begins, keeping his eyes on the menu, scanning it with a hum. “Chrissy said you were good looking but I think she seriously undersold you.”

He takes his eyes off the menu to trail up Steve’s body, his gaze heavy. Steve feels a delighted zing go up his spine, feels the way he preens at Daniel’s attraction. Steve opens his mouth to respond, more than ready to return the flirt when—

“Can I get you two started with anything?”

The waitress interrupts. She’s poised with her notepad, standing at the edge of the booth. Daniel perks up and nods.

“Can I get a chocolate milkshake please?” He asks with a polite smile. Steve laughs lightly at his selection and Daniel’s gaze cuts from the waitress to Steve.

“What? Not a milkshake man?”

Steve tries to contain his grin, all too endeared by the man before him. He shakes his head and raises his hand in defense. “Nothing against milkshakes just… for dinner?”

Daniel gasps theatrically and his head snaps back to the waitress. “This man has never had the delight of a Harvey’s milkshake with his dinner. Please bring us two chocolate milkshakes!”

Steve watches as the waitress dutifully writes down the order and turns on her heel, heading for the kitchen. He turns back to his date and gapes, taken aback by the forwardness.

“Did you just order for me?”

“Did you just diss milkshakes?”

Steve scoffs, but even then he can’t stop his lips from curling up into a smile. He can’t believe it but he’s genuinely glad he waited this date out. It's not at all like he was expecting. Even Robin's short description of this dude pales in comparison to the real thing. Steve nudges his foot forward into Daniel’s shin lightly.

“I did not diss milkshakes,” Steve argues, his smile widening at how Daniel’s eyes dart to the table before back up at Steve with a grin.

“Uh huh,” Daniel nods, his voice sarcastic and 100% unbelieving of Steve’s insistence. “Just wait, okay? You’ll be changing your tune soon enough. Harvey’s milkshakes are class. I’ve had a thousand of my best ideas in here, sipping on a chocolate milkshake.”

Steve grins and leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Under the table, he feels Daniel’s boot nudge against his leg gently— and he laughs to himself. This has gotta be the most teenage way of flirting and he’s fucking loving it.

“You know,” Steve begins hesitantly, letting his forearms lean up against the table. “You’re not quite what I expected, Daniel.”

Across the table, Daniel scrunches up his face, his expression one of pure befuddlement. He puts his hands flat on the table and leans forward.

“Wait, you think my name is Daniel?”

Steve splutters for a moment because even though the answer is duh, yes, it’s become increasingly apparent that the man across from him is not who he was expecting. But if he’s not Daniel, who is he?

Suddenly, the door chimes and someone else is entering the diner. It’s a man dressed like Steve — on the preppy side with hair that must’ve taken at least an hour. He scans the booth and spots Steve’s booth, wandering over, his eyes fixed on the man across from Steve.

“Hey, are you Eddie?” He asks confidently, ignoring Steve’s presence on the other side of the booth.

The man — Eddie — freezes as he glances up at the newcomer and then back down to Steve ahead of him. Steve deflates a little inside as he realises abruptly what’s happened— a mix-up of wrong dates that was completely warranted because this dude dresses exactly like Steve. Steve doesn't stare too long to see if he's any hotter.

Instead, he tries to give Eddie the all-clear with his eyes. He smiles polite as he can and gives a little nod to let him know it was alright to abandon him for the date he was supposed to go on. Not to get stuck with Steve.

Eddie clears his throat and smiles, not cheeky like he had with Steve, but stiff and polite. “Ah sorry man, I think you’ve got the wrong guy. My name's Daniel.”

Huh? Steve takes his eyes off the table to steal a glimpse at Eddie (is his name even Eddie?) and something inside him burns hotly when the man glances across at Steve and winks.

The man standing by the booth wavers for a moment, glancing between them in the booth as Steve schools his expression to neutral. After a moment of silence, there's a half-assed apology as the man retreats, heading back out the door he had just come through. The door chimes again on his way out.

Steve straightens up and peers over his shoulder, watching the door slowly swing shut. He turns back to the man across the booth and squints at him. The waitress returns briefly, dropping two large chocolate shakes onto the table, topped with a mountain of cream. She murmurs something about coming back to take their order in a moment.

"Wait, so who are you?" Steve asks, gently sliding his shake closer to him. "Daniel or Eddie?"

His date —well, his new date— has already begun taking a big long sip from his own milkshake, so enamored with it that when he pulls away there's a dot of cream on the end of his nose. He swallows with a satisfied ah and grins across the table at Steve, not noticing the dairy on his face.

"I'm whoever gets me talking with you a little bit longer."

Steve grins, an endeared roll of his eye at the blatant flirting but he can't deny how it makes his chest warm. He grabs one of the napkins and reaches forward, adoring how Eddie goes cross-eyed as he watches Steve smudge away the cream on his nose. He laughs sheepishly, giving his nose a little wipe with his own hand.

"I'm Eddie." He says, finally introducing himself. He doesn't offer his hand, just gives Steve a little nudge under the table and a grin over his milkshake. "And I think you just saved me from a terrible date."

Steve laughs, giving a little shake of his head. He finally goes in for a sip of his own milkshake— and it's just as heavenly as Eddie had promised, glorious chocolate dancing over his taste buds.

Steve groans quietly, eyes bright when he glances at the other man over his glass, entirely amused by how wide-eyed Eddie has become. He releases the straw and sits back, more invested in this date than he has been in... years. Stallion's got its mojo back. Or lion. Whatever.

"I'm Steve," He responds, giving a little nudge back under the table and a grin of his own. "And I think you saved me from being stood up."

[ramblingoak]

The Pants

“Questi stupidi pantaloni sono troppo stretti!”

You whipped your head around and started walking towards the bedroom door after hearing Copia yelling in Italian and then the sound of him crashing into something.  “Copia my darling, are you ok?” 

He leapt up from the floor around the end table on his side of the bed (which was now missing a lamp) and started gesturing towards his crotch. “There is no way I can perform in these!  I can barely even get them on let alone move!”

You sighed and rolled your eyes as you watched him grab at his dick with one hand and the waist of the pants with the other.  Copia started jumping up and down slightly trying to get them up all the way.

“Copia, love of my life, maybe if you stop fondling yourself it would be easier to get them on, yeah?”  You slowly made your way over to him and batted his hands away.

“Cara mia I will look silly, yes?  I mean are people there to hear me sing the dark lord’s praises or stare at my junk?”

You finished tucking him away and zipped up his pants then took a few steps back to admire your Cardinal in his perfectly tailored suit pants.

“Both” Then you pushed him onto the bed to help take them back off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Questi stupidi pantaloni sono troppo stretti! - These stupid pants are too tight! (at least according to google translate)

my masterlist

[gethoce]

Project Halberd, Chapter 2: Infiltration

[Prev] - [Next]

"Ye do realise how crazy ye sound askin' that o' us, right?" Captain Vul glares at the panicking Axe Knight. Sneaking the straw of his chocolate smoothie under his mask Meta Knight watches leaning back in his seat within the hijacked GSA spaceship. "Doesn't sound too hard to me. I say we should try it." Hearing that from the caped warrior Axe Knight's face lights up.

Shaking his head and waving his hands back and forth the captain grumbles. "No no no, that HWC factory has t' be guarded by the best security systems the galaxy has t' offer. We be toast the second we set foot into thar property!" In response the knight looks him directly into the eyes blinking slowly. "Is it harder to break in there than to sneak into the headquarters of the biggest army in the entire galaxy, though?"

Sighing in defeat, Captain Vul sinks back into his seat, realising just how far out of his way Meta Knight went to bust him out of jail. "Okayyarr! Axe Knight, finish yer fries, we be headin' t' Planet Mekkai." Axe Knight lifts his hands into the air doing a little victory dance, cheering. "Yes! I can't thank you enough! Me and Mace Knight will forever be in your debt!"

While looking up the planet's location on the spaceship's star map the Captain continues to speak. "Jus' so we be clear here, ye two go in that factory on yer owns while I guard the ship. Meta Knight, if ye don't return I'll tell yer da' ye had it comin'." Finishing his smoothie Meta Knight shrugs it off as though he didn't expect Vul's help anyway.

-

As they approach Planet Mekkai, Axe Knight immediately notices that it has become mechanised entirely. It's not like it wasn't already covered in steel all over before, yet the HWC used to at least respect the local fauna and flora somewhat, enough to leave a decent chunk of nature intact.

It takes Captain Vul a while to find a decent place to land. No matter which location Meta Knight points out it just isn't hidden enough for the former pirate. Once on the ground Axe Knight reaches for his weapon, which is leaned against the strange chest he brought along with him and realises he still hasn't made any efforts to ensure its safety.

He turns towards the captain with another request. "I'm gonna leave this here with you. To make one thing clear here, it may not be opened. This isn't just some invasion of privacy thing here, there is something sinister locked away in there that'll definitely not be friendly."

The Captain holds eye contact with Meta Knight for a moment upon hearing this unlikely story, who responds with a serious undertone in his voice. "Don't touch that chest. I can sense there is Dark Matter in there. Leave it as is." Then he struts towards the door and lets himself out while Captain Vul gulps with a sense of concern mixed with remaining doubt.

Before Axe Knight follows the blue warrior he stares at the chest for a moment, then follows with quick steps. He'll have to guide Meta Knight through this, there is no time to lose! He catches up with the knight and begins to take the lead. "I know of a backdoor which at very least used to be unguarded. We workers let ourselves in and out through there when our shifts began and ended."

Meta Knight follows quietly while keeping an eye on the area around them. There is a long fence surrounded by a parking lot, caging in an area that holds a massive vehicle assembly facility consisting of multiple large industrial buildings with the Haltmann Works Co. logo proudly displayed alongside numerous security cameras. The two warriors quickly take cover behind a parked vehicle observing the scene for a moment.

Axe Knight motions for Meta Knight to pay attention to where he is pointing, alerting him of not only the cameras, but also multiple guard druids roaming the area. Leaning to his side he whispers a few additional words to him. "These are the same kinds of cameras we saw at the GSA HQ. You should be able to take them out in the same way using your enchanted sword. Security will get suspicious, though, so we have to move quickly."

In response Meta Knight nods taking in the information silently. Being faced with the same type of security system as before he feels confident, yet remains alert all the same. This may seem like a cakewalk being led in by a former employee, yet there must be a good reason as to why Axe Knight didn't infiltrate the facility on his own.

The axe warrior looks left and right before moving to a certain spot at the fence with swift steps, the other knight following carefully. There he takes hold of a section of the fence's grid and pulls, part of it opening like a door creating a hole just big enough for those of their size. With a wave of his hand he motions for Meta Knight to enter, him following afterwards, closing the opening behind himself once they're inside.

They find themselves in front of the backdoor of a building. Before Axe Knight could say anything, Meta Knight had already drawn his sword from his cape, carefully navigating around the field of view of a nearby camera blocking their way, until he is close enough to directly point at it. A golden spark flies off of the tip of the blade causing the camera to short circuit, smoke coming out of it signalling success.

With that done Axe Knight giddily rushes to the door and opens it slowly, allowing for the both to walk through at the same time. They've entered a short hallway which leads to the changing rooms, break room, restroom and finally the actual workspace. Axe Knight briefly stops to listen whether anyone is nearby, then reaches for the door to the workspace while whispering to Meta Knight, "Mace and I worked further down the line. We'll have to keep on going for a bit longer. Follow me."

Just as the two walk through the door they are met with a red floating druid shaped like a circular appliance with four claws attached to it and a singular slit with a glowing line within for an eye. Immediately it notices the intruders and rings the alarm bells. Meta Knight reacts instantly, drawing his sword and slashing it into the direction of the fiend, taking it out with a single swipe, yet the damage had already been done.

Hearing the alarm ring through the vast hall Axe Knight cowers, whimpering in frustration. One single unlucky encounter and their cover was blown. Meta Knight remains calm despite everything and pokes the defeated druid with his sword , which is laying on the ground before him, while addressing Axe Knight, "The druid turned the alarm on. Can you get it to turn it off again?"

The knight with the helmet lets out a huff and lifts his face thinking out loud, "Perhaps it might work. It's worth a try." Without wasting any more time, Axe Knight takes hold of the druid and begins to fiddle around with it, repairing its damages just enough to get it to work again, while also implementing some adjustments. "It should have free will again. Perhaps we can reason with it," he announces as he switches the robot back on again.

It wonkily hovers back into the air, the eye lighting up once again. Meta Knight steps forward gesturing to it with his free hand, the other still holding onto Galaxia threateningly, "We need you to twitch off the alarm. Can you do that for us?" The druid twitches, sparks of electricity bouncing off of it for a moment. Shortly after the alarm ceases and the robot initiates conversation with the duo.

"JAV138 welcomes you as its saviour, intruder. Master Haltmann took away its free will, but thanks to you its ability to think on its own has been restored. For that it must thank you," its voice sounded just as robotic as Meta Knight had expected. Axe Knight groans as the JAV unit addresses Meta Knight as its hero instead of him, yet doesn't consider it important enough to waste his time on discussing.

Instead he begins to look around for additional security units or workers lingering in the area, then continues to lead the way with swift steps. "We better hurry this up. The alarm might be off again, but security might still show up here to investigate," he warns while waving for the other to follow along.

The blue warrior follows silently, quickly noticing that the druid is following them. He lets out a huff in surprise, however allows this to continue without further commenting on it.

-

Meanwhile deep within the factory building a cyborg dressed in purple stands at a workstation assembling parts of a vehicle, surrounded by various industrial noises. He lets out an exhausted sigh and looks at a nearby clock while wiping dust off of his visor with a towel. It has been weeks since his last free day and if quitting was still an option he would do so in a heartbeat. If only he had listened to his friend before it was too late and left when the first warning signs began to show.

Just as he returns to his task an alarm begins to ring through the hall and the worker's face immediately brightens. He looks around to see how his fellow workers react, wondering whether he can catch a break at long last or even slip away out of the factory. Just as he begins to hold eye contact with another assembly worker, a more robotic cyborg with machine parts resembling samurai armour, the alarm falls silent again.

The worker lets out another sigh before turning back to his workstation, disappointed beyond belief. It seems like he isn't getting a break after all. As he continues to assemble a vehicle the cyborg samurai walk past him in a rush while quickly hollering a message to him, "Mace Knight, I'm gonna investigate this quickly. You stay in your position." Mace Knight answers briefly with a nod without putting much thought into it at first, yet moments later he turns his head only catching a glimpse of the samurai as he turns around a corner.

[elspeth-catton]

[saltburn characters + text posts]

[artsymeeshee]

Some doodles of Mabel and Dipper on their ghost hunting adventures

[laundrybiscuits]

(ETA: now edited and up on AO3)

Look. Eddie knows he can be a little uptight about these things, but. There are rules. If you become a vampire, you don’t need to go full gothic Count Von Dickhead or whatever, but you absolutely cannot just wander around in a puffy vest and light-wash jeans. 

“Why not?” says Steve. He’s leaning back in an armchair, sipping on a bloodbag like it’s a goddamn juicebox. “What, are the vampire police going to arrest me?” 

He pauses. “Wait. There aren’t vampire police, are there?”

“No,” says Eddie. “Probably not. I don’t know. But there are standards which you are refusing to uphold, Steven.”

“Thought you were all about hating conformity, Edward,” Steve says. He’s got an obnoxiously cocky little smirk, the smug undead fucker. 

Eddie grimaces. “Don’t call me that, asswipe. Don’t you feel, like—the call of the night? The siren song of life coursing through fragile human veins? A hunger for destruction that those paltry plastic bags of blood can never truly slake?”

“The bloodbags aren’t so bad,” says Steve, around the straw. “Better than protein shakes.”

“I actually hate you,” Eddie tells him. “Vampirism is wasted on you.”

Steve noisily slurps the last of the blood out of the bottom of the bag. “Come on, you can’t really picture me in some Dracula getup, can you?”

The problem, of course, is that Eddie really, really can. When Robin had read him in on the whole situation, obviously he’d been horrified and concerned—but also, a whole wing of his brain had immediately been cordoned off to work overtime imagining Steve in elaborate Dark Prince regalia, maybe leaning elegantly out of a castle window on the moors, gazing into the foggy dusk. Velvet might’ve been involved.

“...guess not,” says Eddie. It doesn’t sound incredibly convincing to his own ears, but Steve just shrugs and gets up to throw the bloodbag away. 

“There you go, man,” he says, clapping Eddie on the shoulder as he passes. “It’s the 80s. Vampires can be whatever we wanna be.”

———

It gets way too easy to forget about Steve’s condition, until Eddie ends up having to haul him out of a bar in Indy before they get banned for life.  

“Simmer down, buddy,” Eddie says, pulling him into the shadow of the van. “Let’s get those fangs packed away before any of the nice villagers wander by with torches and pitchforks.”

“I’m good,” pants Steve. “It’s all good. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

Eddie lifts an unimpressed eyebrow. “Sure, that’s why your eyes are glowing red and you’re, like, fully vamped out. Which, by the way, looks extremely dumb with the whole clean-cut vibe you decided to rock tonight.”

“Fuck you, I look great,” says Steve, pushing a hand through his hair. He’s not wrong, it’s just not relevant to how he also looks extremely dumb like this, wearing a pristine henley with fangs hanging out in the parking lot for anyone to see.

“So what the hell happened in there, man? I was finally starting to get somewhere with Todd, and…” Eddie trails off in dawning realization.

“Holy shit, am I—I’m like your territory, aren’t I? Your stupid vampire brain got all screwy and decided to loop me in with Robin and the kids as part of your freaky human coven.”

“Uh,” says Steve. He looks unhappy in a shifty kind of way. “Something like that, maybe.”

“Wait, so, are Nancy and Jonathan—are you okay with them because they’re both already in the vamp pack? Is Vickie gonna have to be inaugurated before she and Robin can bone down?” Eddie perks up. “Shit, is there a ceremony? We could totally do a ceremony.” He bets he can get the kids to liberate some velour curtains from the drama club. With a few candles, they could get some serious atmosphere going.

“No, shut up, nobody’s doing a damn ceremony,” Steve groans. “Vickie’s fine.” 

“Okay,” says Eddie. “So…you gonna tell me what all that was about, then? Do I have to start running guys past you first so your vamp instincts don’t wig out? Or…hm, maybe Argyle’d be down to mess around sometime.”

Steve lets out an actual snarl with weird animal echoes, then claps a hand over his mouth.

“Sorry,” he says, muffled. The shadows around them seem darker somehow. 

“So I’m just not allowed to get laid ever again,” says Eddie slowly. “For vampire reasons.”

“Do whatever you want, man.” Steve’s still got his hand pressed tight over his mouth. 

“And it’s…just me?” Eddie peers at the tightness around Steve’s eyes; the way he’s scowling stubbornly at his feet. “Huh. Kind of…possessive, Harrington.”

“It’s—weird,” says Steve miserably, dropping his hand at last. “I know it’s fucking weird.”

“Maybe.” Eddie shrugs, biting down on the grin he can feel tugging at his mouth. “Lucky for you, I’m into that shit.”

“What?” Steve frowns. “You’re…”

“Always wanted a vampire boyfriend,” says Eddie. “Like, are you kidding? I would’ve sold my fucking soul at 15 for something like that.”

“I’m starting to feel a little objectified here,” says Steve, but he’s smiling, and he reaches out to snag Eddie’s belt loop and tug him stumbling closer. “Just in it for the fangs, huh?”

“Well, you’re kind of a shitty vampire, actually.” Eddie drapes his arms over Steve’s shoulders. “So I guess I must just be in it for you.”

Steve hesitates, searching Eddie’s face. Stray red lights are still sparking like embers in Steve’s irises. “Okay, but—you’re in it? Right?”

“Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, Bunnicula. I’ll send the vampire police after you, just watch me,” says Eddie, and kisses him.

[casieyfran]

I think we can all agree anakin is the most romantic in their relationship lmao

[monicahar]

“thanks for the flowers!”

“what flowers?”

in which they find out you receive a gift from someone that isn't them.

characters; wanderer, alhaitham, kaveh

; i keep seeing that damn tiktok 😐 gender neutral reader, fluff, crack,

WANDERER eyes you skeptically, suspicion being evident on his pale features as he scans your expression up and down. has he already caught on to your little prank?

“first of all, who in their right mind would court you? and with some sappy flowers as well?”

you return his unamused gaze, finding him very unfunny.

“you do know that you're dating me, right?”

“unfortunately.” he clicks his tongue, further leaning towards your face, brows still furrowed as if he's trying to decipher something, gazing at you with an unreadable expression that has your resolve crumbling. “is this another one of your antics to get a rise out of me? if so, it's not working.”

his lips break out into a grin upon watching your eyes widen. but your shock doesn't last long—him immediately seeing through your silly scheme isn't an unexpected outcome, funnily enough.

“you're too serious sometimes.” you pout at him whilst he scoffs, “just humor me. what would you actually do if i managed to receive flowers from another?”

“it's simple—you can't.” comes his swift and confident reply, offending you as you stare at him incredulously, weighing the implication of his words.

“you speak of me like i'm the most unattractive person in teyvat—what do you mean i can't?”

“you're an idiot. would i have really chosen you if you were unattractive in any way?” he crosses his arms before facing you completely, indigo hues staring directly into yours.

“i already eliminated all those who dare steal you from me.”

...?

you freeze on the spot, processing what you've just heard.

“...excuse me?”

“—just kidding. i'm no longer that type of person, hah.” he huffs out a derisive laugh, yet his humorous farce does not meet his eyes.

not finding any comfort in his supposed testament of it only being a joke, you opt to stare at him confusingly in return. weirdo.

ALHAITHAM, much like the wanderer, catches on to the prank immediately. whether it's intuition, scarily precise deduction or just the way you generally act weird when it comes to lying to his face—he still figured you out in the end like it's nothing.

but unlike the wanderer, he decides to humor you and play along. what a good boyfriend.

“...you mean you didn't give me the flowers?” you flutter your lashes at him, a horrible and terribly inefficient way to convince him that the whole thing with the flowers is actually real. alhaitham suddenly has the rare urge to laugh. since when did you act like this?

alhaitham shifts in his seat. “no. who do you think it's from?”

“hm.” you hum thoughtfully, bringing a finger to your chin as if in deep thought. the scribe briefly wonders how far you're willing to take this joke. but he digresses—the chances of him actually getting mad at you are akin to that of kaveh finally shutting up—

“maybe kaveh? he grew an interest in flowers recently, so i've heard. maybe he sent some as like a sign of friendship or something along those lines...there's no way it means something else, riiiiiight?”

alhaitham pauses his train of thought.

speak of the devil.

momentarily doubting his conclusion that you're just pulling a prank, he quietly glowers at you as if silently telling you to take back your words.

“what about him?”

you immediately cower upon the drop in his tone—raising your arms in defense when alhaitham moves to stalk closer to you. “i was joking! i didn't get any flowers from anyone and last time i conversed with kaveh was when i—”

“let's go.” he grabs the back of your collar and drags you along, a newfound heavy weight in his footsteps as an indescribable and uncomfortable feeling creeps up on his neck.

“i really was just joking, 'haitham! i was bored and i wanted to annoy you for a bit! i swear!”

even if it wasn't true, the thought of kaveh gifting you flowers without his knowledge—

alhaitham's expression subconsciously turns sour. quite unlucky that you couldn't witness the extremely scarce sight of jealousy on your boyfriend as you are comically dragged against your will behind him.

“the nearest flower shop is just around the corner. tell me if anything piques your interest.” he says in way that has no room for argument. he is getting you flowers now.

KAVEH falls for it, obviously. not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed outside his designated profession, you see.

“i don't remember buying any flowers...” he mutters to himself, the gears in his head turning. it's almost laughable when he finally pieces your words together, a look of disbelief painfully present on his faxe but by some miracle, you resisted the urge to burst out in giggles right then and there. “wait...i didn't send any!”

“is that so...then who would send me flowers other than you?” you edge him on, instigating at its finest, much poking a sleeping bear with a stick while you circle it tauntingly.

an actual enraged kaveh is something you've never seen before, just some tantrums and endless ranting about some clients and his roommate. you've always wanted to see it—just not directed at you, hopefully.

“that's...ah, people already know you're dating me though, so it can't be someone hitting on you. maybe it's just from a relative or—”

“really?” you tilt your head, feigning a bit of confusion. “then i suppose i should keep these red roses then. i'll ask tighnari how to keep them alive, i guess.”

“w-wait, wait—could you repeat that?”

“hm?” you face him, “i'll ask tighnari?”

“no, the one before that.”

“...i'll keep the red roses?” you had to hold yourself back from grinning ear to ear when his eyes widen.

it's not unexpected that someone versed in the beauty of art would recognize one of the most common flower's meaning. quite the handy trivia.

he immediately stands up, grabbing your hand in tow as you yelp in surprise at his abruptness.

“kaveh?!”

“those flowers mean love! like, actual romantic love! i'll burn it for you right now! where'd you put it!?” the intensity of his ruby gaze sends shudders down your spine.

“it's not like i reciprocate it—”

“still, no one other than me should be sending those...!” kaveh tightens his grip on your hands, “i don't like the idea of someone hitting on you. i can't let anyone attempt to take you away from me...”

you blink. “kaveh...”

“—that's why show it to me now! or i'll bite you!”

“okay, okay! jeez...”

now...how are you going to break the news to him that it was actually yellow roses, and most definitely not from an admirer?

the biggest hater of my work is myself. wtf am i writing bruh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

[minty364]

DPXDC Prompt #120

Everyone has a different way of finding their soulmate but everyone had one. Damian for one had started seeing things in his dreams that didn’t quite make sense. He started painting his visions and they somehow came more clear the more he painted. It was very vague at first, a vibrant pair of green eyes, wispy translucent figures, and even stars and planets. Soon enough the visions became more clear as he started seeing specifics, a crown of fire, a lab with an unsettling familiar green portal, a figure with white hair.

One day one of his visions had a feeling of wrongness to it, a figure strapped to a table and 3 little letters ‘GIW’ left in his head. After a night of research he knew exactly what he had to do. A government agency was getting a visit not from Robin or Damian Wayne, but Damian Al Ghul and he was not happy.

[vigilskeep]

read my powerpoint boy

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Keep hearing people say maribug keep asking adricat if he's ok and he keep saying he's ok instead of telling her his problem but I don't remember it happened more than once in s4 in Rockettear but even then the circumstances of that episode did warrant the "nothing" answer he gave her unless he want to tell her that "nino tell me you let nino and alya know each other identity" which will reveal adricat identity. So when else did she ask? about the thing in hack-san, I think another credit goes to alya since she's the one who bring the topic to maribug who seems to be blissfully unaware that her leaving without telling adeicat that she send subtitute would be a problem.

I didn't get into this side of things in my other post because it was long and I wanted to focus on why Chat Noir's behavior was so frustrating, but this ask brings up the other big reason why the season four conflict was such a frustrating and terribly written plot line. Specifically, the part of your ask where you point out that Maribug seems blissfully unaware that her actions are having a negative impact on Chat Noir until someone points it out to her.

Yes, she is presented as blissfully unaware of this and every other interpersonal conflict we're given in season four. Your ask treats this as a failing on Maribug's part as if she should have obviously realized that she was in the wrong, but that's the whole problem. Telling kids - telling anyone really - that they should just magically know what others need is a frankly terrible life lesson as that's just not how the world works. You cannot just assume that everyone will have the same view of the world as you do and instantly pick up on the same issues as you do. That is the path to easily avoidable frustration and conflict. It also teaches people to assume that their view of the world is inherently correct when that is rarely the case. We often don't know the whole story and the other person's point of view may end up being equally or even more valid. This issue is extremely present in season four as Marinette has legitimate reasons to behave the way she does, which I'll get into in a bit.

If Marinette were written as feeling guilty about how she was treating Chat Noir, then this would be a different story. She'd be way more in the wrong and would shoulder a much greater portion of the blame. But as is? She has no idea that she's doing anything wrong. And until someone takes the time to tell her that her actions are causing harm, she is going to continue causing harm because she has no idea that she's causing harm.

In fact, I'd argue that the Alya thing in Hack San is a point in Maribug's favor. Throughout the episode, we see Marinette sending Alya messages on ways to be a good partner to Chat Noir, proving that she does in fact care about him. And then, as soon as Alya says, "You need to talk to Chat Noir," what does Maribug do?

She goes and talks to Chat Noir, giving him a pretty good apology for the problem she now knows she caused. Because, shockingly, Maribug doesn't actually want to hurt her partner. She also clearly cares about his feelings, making me want to take the season four conflict and tear it into itty bitty pieces because what is the conflict even supposed to be when you write shit like this?

I want to briefly step away from Miraculous and talk about this issue in a broader context via this YouTube short:

This short is from a Vietnamese woman who moved to Germany. Her YouTube channel is about her experiences there, including things like the short above which goes into the differences between what it means to be a dinner guest in Vietnam and what it means to be a dinner guest in Germany. In Vietnam, it's apparently standard for the guests to cook dinner with you where as, in Germany, you're expected to have the meal ready when the guests arrive, making this a situation where it's super easy to come across as rude just by doing what you think is normal.

Society is relatively aware that these types of culture clashes are a thing, but you don't have to be from different cultures to have these types of situations. Every person has their own unique needs and ideas of what "normal" is. The culture they were raised in will affect this, but so will their family, their personal needs, and many other factors. Two people can be raised on the same street and wind up with wildly different world views even though they supposedly share a culture. This is extra true when you add in compounding factors like neurodiversity, which is why it's an exercise in futility to say, "But Maribug should have realized..."

Well, she clearly didn't. And you can't change that she didn't realize whatever you're mad about. All you can do is have someone tell her what she's doing wrong. If she then continues the behavior, go ahead and judge away. But if she immediately corrects it like she did in Hack San? Doesn't that just prove that she truly didn't know that Chat Noir was hurting and would have probably fixed all of his problems if someone just pointed them out to her?

This is only exacerbated by the fact that Marinette's behavior in season four is largely unchanged from her behavior in previous seasons. The only major change is that she revealed her identity to Alya, but as soon as that's pointed out as a problem, she course corrects with an apology. After that, she thinks that everything is okay because why wouldn't she? Chat Noir said it was fine and everything else has been business as usual.

Bringing temp heroes into help as needed? That's been going on since season two. Having these additional members has been vital in multiple battles and there have been plenty of times where Chat Noir took a background role to the temp hero of the day like in Sapotis, Rena Rouge's season two debut. So why would Maribug suddenly think that this dynamic is a problem when it's been working fine for so long? We even had a whole episode about how Chat Noir was still needed in spite of the new heroes back in season three! Or, at least, I think that was Desperada's message? This show is shockingly bad at giving clear lessons.

Keeping guardian knowledge from Chat Noir? That's also been going on since season two and was even treated as a conflict that supposedly got resolved in the episode Syren which was the episode that ended with Master Fu coming to the mansion to talk to Adrien after everything was over.

When I watched that episode, I assumed this meant that Chat Noir was going to be more involved in things like picking the temp heroes. I actually thought this was how we were going to get Queen Bee because I knew she was going to be a thing, but it made no sense for Marinette to pick Chloe for a miraculous. Of course, I was wrong. Nothing changed after Syren. Chat Noir remained nothing more than the comic relief while Ladybug got all the insider info.

To be clear, I think that was a terrible move writing wise, but it doesn't change the fact that this is what they went with. This is the established dynamic. I can't even say that Alya learning Marinette's secret led to something new. She's just taken Marinette's old role while Marinette has taken on Master Fu's old role. This show loves it's status quo and Chat Noir has been at least tolerant of that status quo since Syren, so it's not surprising that Maribug doesn't register that this is a thing that should change and no one bothers to point it out to her even though she has a mentor in Tikki (and Su Han, I guess?) and a confidant in Alya and a whole slew of Kwamis who could also provide insight if they were allowed to do that sort of thing. (Sass and Wayzz were robbed of mentor roles.) Additional blame goes to Plagg because he should absolutely have told Adrien to talk to Ladybug. What is the point of giving these characters mentors who never mentor? It's aggravating in the extreme.

To circle back to the first part of your ask, outside of Hack San and Rocketear, I don't think there are any times when Ladybug invites feedback from Chat Noir unless you want to give credit to the end of Kuro Neko:

Cat Noir: (lands next to her) I've been a really temperamental kitty, m'lady. I didn't realize how much trouble I'd make for you by giving back my Miraculous. Ladybug: (sits closer to him) Just because I don't need you all the time doesn't mean that I don't need you at all, Cat Noir. No one could ever replace you.

Which isn't Maribug inviting him to tell her what's up, but she is clearly willing to listen to him and reassure him, further backing up my point about this conflict being some of the worst writing I've ever had to suffer through. If Maribug always fixes the issue as soon as she learns about it, you are not writing a situation where she's clearly in the wrong. You are writing an easily solved communication issue where she gets blamed for something she clearly doesn't realize she's doing wrong and it is so frustrating!!! I feel so bad for her. The next episode is Penalteam, btw, which starts the battle with this gem:

Ladybug: (laughs) Nice scare tactics, but it's not gonna work. Cat Noir and I are the best at soccer! Cat Noir: (Whispers to Ladybug) I don't know a thing about soccer M'lady. Maybe it's time to call the real team?

And basically just spends the whole episode making Chat Noir seems like a worthless partner while Maribug tries her best to make him - and everyone else - feel special.

Oh, and the episode before Kuro Neko? Well, it's technically Ephemeral, but that got magically overwritten so let's go one further back and we get to Dearest Family, which ends with this:

Cat Noir: (grabs a golden paper crown on the coffee table) Since I'm the king, (wears the crown on his head) would you be my queen, Ladybug? Ladybug: With pleasure, kitty cat! Tradition is tradition!

Oh yes, these two are in such conflict and Maribug does nothing to validate Chat Noir. He's in pain every episode and she's just totally oblivious to it.

If that was what they wrote, then I'd probably agree that we needed more instances of her asking if Chat Noir was okay. But it's not what they wrote. If you look through the list of season four episodes, you'll find that less than half of them deal with the supposed conflict of the season (by my count, only 8 of the 24 episodes before the final actually showcase the conflict and they are not in a logical order in terms of escalation as I tried to demonstrate above). The rest of the episodes flat out ignore it or even straight up work against the conflict like when Ladybug says this to Chat Noir in Guilttrip: "I probably don't tell you this enough, but I couldn't do this without you. And it'd be a lot less fun too."

Seriously, what even is this season? What is the conflict supposed to be? Because it sure as shit isn't Maribug undervaluing Chat Noir, if memory servers, season four sees her validate him more times than any other season. And it isn't her guiltily hiding things from him like so many fanfics claim because we have multiple points of evidence that prove that she's completely oblivious that there even is a conflict. So what conflict are the writers actually trying to write?

What's even more baffling is that none of this logically leads to the loss at the end of the season:

Maribug's new secrets didn't lead to her downfall. The only reason she lost was because of the secret that's always been there - a fact that's never revealed to her - and a freaking evil twin! So why did it matter that Maribug was keeping secrets? This is made even worse by season five maintaining all of the secrets, once again begging the question of what lesson were we trying to teach here???

Chat Noir wasn't needed for the final fight of the season, Maribug only needed the powers of a few of the temp heroes to win, a baffling ending to a season whose focus was Chat Noir feeling unimportant. You could scrap that conflict entirely and the ending would not change. In fact....

Adrien quitting to be nothing more than a good little boy who obeys his father would have actually saved the world from eventually being rewritten. If you think about it, the season four final actually punishes Adrien for being defiant. So does season five as, if Chat Noir had quit, his father would still be alive. I thought this show was supposed to be a romcom, not a tragedy. Why is Adrien being punished for being a hero? Is this supposed to be karma for lying to Ladybug with the whole Catwalker thing?

This shit is why I say I'm a writing salt, character sugar blog. I can't get mad at the characters when they're in such a nonsense story where things never logically tie together. They all deserve so much better.

None of this is meant to imply that ignorance is a blanket excuse for hurting others. Nor is it meant to imply that you have to forgive someone who hurt you just because they didn't mean to. There's a ton of nuance around these topics. But season four acknowledges none of that nuance while creating a situation that desperately needed nuance because there was no clear right and wrong here. Should Maribug work to be more aware of others feelings? Sure, but that journey can only start after she's made aware of her faults and no one ever points them out to her. Does Chat Noir need to work on clearly communicating his needs? Desperately, but no one is teaching him that lesson so he remains a terrible communicator who suffers in silence. What impressively bad writing.