#My boss literally sits in their office all day on their phone a good 90% of the day.

[iero]

Man, I need a new job so fucking bad...

My boss's boss came for a surprise visit this morning and MY boss is now crying and complaining to me about how they got in trouble because... they don't fucking do anything when they're here... At work... Where you're supposed to do *gasp* work...

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Ch. 16

Story summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi

Chapter Summary: Dinner at the “Best Diner in Seoul.” (Still not a date though, right?)

Previous Chapter here

The two of you dropped the van off without any issues. You walked outside the rental agency, onto the main street stretching your arms overhead. You turned to face Yoongi, “Alright, are you ready for dinner at the best diner in Seoul?”

Yoongi smiled, glad you had rallied from earlier. He put his hands in his pockets. “The best? I don’t know; that’s a pretty high standard. This is a world-class city.”

You started to walk, “It is, and I have eaten a lot of places. This one is the best diner.”

Yoongi followed you to the subway station.  “Where is this diner?” He asked. The subway was uncrowded, with not much of a rush happening on Sunday night. You each scanned your cards. 

“It’s by work.”

Yoongi racked his brain trying to think of a diner near BigHit but wasn’t able to. He shrugged.

The subway car was mostly empty and the ride back to the city center was smooth. Yoongi scrolled through his phone. You got off and you led him down a few alleyways to an unassuming diner. It was truly a hole in the wall. 

The neon sign above the door, “Dynamite Diner,” had a few letters out: DYMT DNER. Yoongi chuckled slightly and made a confused face, but took your word for it as you opened the door. The inside of the diner was clean and brightly decorated. There was a counter with bright white stools and several cherry red booths around the perimeter. Donuts sat in a display case next to a vintage register up on the countertop.

“I should have brought my sunglasses,” Yoongi joked as he followed you over to one of the booths. You laughed and put both your personal and work phones on the table and stretched. You were certain you would be sore tomorrow from moving all those boxes. 

"What is that?" Yoongi asked, sounding mildly horrified as he gestured to your personal phone. 

"Oh this?" You held it up. You had jokingly changed your lock screen to the picture you took of him sleeping the other night to see how long it would take him to notice. "It's you, looking so adorable." 

His eyes widened "You put Tubby on me." 

"Aww is that the bear's name?” You turned the phone back towards you to look at it. “So cute". 

Yooongi touched his ear awkwardly, "It’s a dog, not a bear. Tubby was my family's pet growing up; our first dog. Anyways, I can't be your lock screen!" He pouted, a slight accent suddenly permeating his speech. 

You looked over at him, trying to keep a straight face. "Ok first of all it looks like a bear, but that it was your family’s dog makes it even more adorable. Secondly, it's my personal phone sooo…. Third. where are you from?”

“What...what does that...Daegu.”

You smirked and looked at your phone again. “I guess if it really bothers you I can change it, but look? It makes me smile." You held it up and grinned. 

The waitress came over, dropped off menus, and took your drink orders: Coffee, water, and a cup of ice for Yoongi.

"Oh my God, keep it." Yoongi opened his menu, clearly flustered. 

You laughed, "Are you sure?" 

"Yes, just stop showing it to me. Put it face down." 

You smiled and complied, then flipped through the menu. “Why did we both just order coffee?” You asked. “It’s 9 pm. That’s a terrible idea.”

“I can drink coffee and fall asleep, no problem.  What's good here?” 

“The noodles are really good. I'm getting the gaeranjim tonight. I used to come here after working at the bar since it's open 24/7.”

Yoongi looked over at, watching you scan the menu. You gave so much to the people you cared about." Spicy or regular?" 

"Huh?" You asked, bobbing your head back up. 

"Spicy noodles or plain?" 

"It's cold out, so you have to get spicy." You said it so matter of factly. 

“Ok, of course. Why did I even ask?” 

You put the menu down and grabbed your work phone.  "Let's see what this week brings. Meetings. Meetings. Sound mixing? Recording. Meet with Hoseok. Hair and make-up department. Photo shoot? Photo shoot?" 

Yoongi sat his menu down and interlaced his fingers in front of his face, resting his mouth against them. “Yep. They want new pictures for social media and for the album. My next album deadline is in 90 days but they begin all of this stuff in advance for things like printing and promos.” 

“Oooo so you'll be like a model?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes and the server walked up to the table. She sat down all of the drinks carefully. The two of you placed your food orders and handed in the menus.

“Min Yoongi. Model.' You teased, striking a pose. 

“Are you saying I'm not good looking enough to be a model?” He feigned offense while pouring his coffee over the ice and stirring it.

“Oh please, I told you at the job interview I thought you were good looking. It's just hard to imagine you sitting still and being pretty.” 

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. “Well it's in my contract. And my fans like it. As much as I hate parts about my job, I do love my fans. " He took a sip of his drink.

“That's sweet.” You smiled.

Yoongi blushed a little, “Well I wouldn't be where I am without them, right? You have to have an audience to be a performer. Someone has to listen, otherwise you're just screaming into the void.”

“I guess that makes sense. Being on the consumer side of things I never really thought of it like that. Huh.” You sat back in the booth thoughtfully and sipped some coffee. 

Yoongi looked out the glass window at the street outside. It had been a strange couple of weeks for him and yet this all felt normal. He couldn't remember the last time he had gone out to a restaurant with someone because he wanted to. He covered a yawn and looked back over at you. 

You were people watching in the diner. You were normally only here in the middle of the night. The bell above the entrance dinged and you saw Chinsun, your regular server, walk in to begin her night shift. You smiled as you remembered all the coffee and bullshit you had shared with her. There were nights you got off work at 3 and knew it made more sense to power through and go into the office. You decided you would talk to her later if she wasn't busy. 

The food came out a few minutes later.  Hunger had snuck up on you. You went from zero to famished. You began blowing on your meal.

“Y/N?” You heard the familiar voice of Chinsun “I haven't seen you in a while.” She had on her white and red work uniform and her graying hair done up in a bun.

You looked up from your eggs and smiled,  “Nice to see you. I quit working at the bar, I just have 1 job now.” You said happily. 

“That's great, you can only burn the candle from both ends for so long. I'm surprised you did it for as long as you did.” She responded.

You shrugged and took a sip of water. “Well we all do what we have to.”

“And?.... who is your friend?” Chinsun gestured to Yoongi who was mid-slurp on his noodles. Apparently he was also starving.

“This is my boss, Min Yoongi.”

He patted his mouth with a napkin before speaking, “Hello,” he bowed his head. “Nice to meet you.” 

“I’m Chinsun. It’s nice to meet you too.  Well I'll let you get back to your meal, I'm glad you stopped by, I was worried when I didn’t see you for a while. Make sure you two come back!”

“Thank you. You are so sweet. I’ll make sure to stop in again soon, take care.” You took a bite as soon as she left.

“These noodles are in fact, the best.” Yoongi appraised between slurps. 

“I told you. You can’t beat a hole in the wall diner sometimes. So...new album in 90 days? How’s it going?”

“It’s ok. A few songs are done. I got feedback from Adora last week so that was helpful. This album in general will be less….angry. Yeah less angry sounding.”

“Cool. What comes first, the music or the lyrics?”

“They are separate completely. The music and then I see if any of the  lyrics I’ve written match the mood. Sometimes it just goes together and sometimes it doesn’t.” 

“Interesting.”

Yoongi talked a bit more about the process of creating an album from start to finish. You had never put any thought into it so it was fascinating. The rest of your meal passed without incident and you were happy that when they brought the bill, Yoongi actually let you pay. 

You waved to Chinsun as you exited. Yoongi rubbed his stomach. “Too many noodles.”

You smiled and then looked up at the sky. It was beginning to snow. “No such thing. And look. What great timing. The first snow of the year.” 

“Gross.” He quickly replied.

“Ahahaha you really hate the cold don’t you?” You said as you held out your hand, watching the flakes land and melt almost instantly.

“I do. The snow is pretty though. I’ll look at it tomorrow from the warmth and safety of inside.”

“You’re no fun. I love the snow.” You played with it for a few more seconds. “Alright let’s get back.”  

The snow continued to fall as you began the short walk back to BigHit. It was so pretty. The sidewalk was almost empty and the snowfall made it seem even quieter than it was. You took your phone out and snapped a picture for Instagram. In a few minutes, you were back at the building. The two of you scanned your badges to enter the lobby and waved to the night security guard.

“I’m heading to the studio. You should take some aspirin and a hot bath.” Yoongi said while you waited for the elevator.

You reached over without thinking and dusted snowflakes off of his hair. “Do you need help with anything? I also had coffee, I’ll probably be up for a while.”

Yoongi was briefly unable to answer, still surprised from having been dusted. “Nope. I’m just going to write. Go, rest your muscles. Watch Netflix. Relax. You literally moved a small apartment’s worth of stuff today.”

The two of you got on the elevator. “Alright. If you insist. I’m not going to argue with that. Where is the aspirin?”

“My bathroom. Bottom left drawer.”

“Got it.” The elevator slowly climbed. You took a deep breath and looked over at Yoongi. “Thanks again for all your help today. Like. ALLLLL of it. The van, my aunt, my brother. Thanks. It was a lot.”

Yoongi avoided eye contact, finding his shoes very fascinating. “No problem. Like I said, it wasn’t that bad for me. I got free soup and noodles.”

You laughed, “Good to know your chauffeur services are so affordable.” The elevator stopped on the 14th floor. 

“See you tomorrow.” Yoongi started to exit, “If Jin’s girlfriend acts up, call me.” Yoongi added as though he suddenly remembered something.

“Now that I know that’s a thing, apparently, I’ll be fine.  Thanks though.” You waved as the doors closed.

You’d be fine. Yoongi reassured himself as he walked over to the studio. He was suddenly acutely aware of just how quiet the 14th floor was with no one else on it. He walked over to the large windows on the opposite side of the elevators. The snow was really coming down now, and the ground would soon be blanketed. He opened the shopping app and searched “snow gloves.” He took a deep breath, What am I doing? He walked over to the other side of the floor, punched in his passcode, and entered Genius lab, ready to get some writing done.

--

Fuck, you were so glad today was almost over. You walked into the apartment and immediately started a bath. You set up your laptop on the toilet lid. You were going to live your best life, watching Netflix in the bathtub. You had heard of such luxuries and were strangely excited by it. You headed up to the loft area, randomly grabbed a stuffed animal and threw it onto Yoongi’s bed. You grabbed the aspirin and smiled as you passed the Pikachu you had yeeted onto Yoongi’s comforter and imagined his annoyance when he discovered it. Ah, it made you laugh. You grabbed yourself some water from the kitchen and headed off to soak away your soreness and forget the day. You paused briefly to admire the snow coming down in full force now. So beautiful.  NEXT CHAPTER

@lidda  @anpanman-sonyeondan   @firefairy1  @cuteipat  @sugaslittlekookies  @janeelizabeth1216 @deeepvibes @gxldenhunny @livelyjay @niniita-ah @bobbyboops @honeysunandsoil @deathkat657 (i missed your tag for the last chapter, so sorry!!)

[nanamikeento]

dancing with our hands tied || pt. i

Pairing: Marcus Pike x female!reader

Summary: Marcus is your boss and you really enjoy working with him. But a work trip to the west coast makes him visit the past and you realize not only you like him, but you’re deeply in love with him. The only problem is that you both work together and it would never work. Or so you think.

a/n: so basically i had to split this bad boy in two cause i was writing a whole damn the mentalist episode. all you need to know is: i know nothing about how the FBI works or how crimes are solved, so i made it all up. deeply sorry if i offend any fbi agents that could be here?? if you don’t watch the mentalist, basically patrick jane is an asshole that can read people’s body language and points them out in public. that’s really all you need to know, it’s a dumb show tbh. also, this contains detective work and law enforcement, which, during times like this, i would understand if you don’t want to read this. don’t forget to donate to the black lives matter movement and sign petitions against police brutality. i’ve reblogged a variety of posts with link for donations and petitions, they're under the tag #blm resources.

Warnings: mutual pining, some angst, a pinch of fake dating

Word count: 6.7k (and there’s more coming)

part ii | MASTERLIST

The badge around your neck swings as you run and you have to hold it in place. The streets of L.A. are full of curious eyes, gathered behind the yellow tape; you check your phone one more time and sigh. No messages, no missing calls. It’s not like him, you know something’s up.

When you show your ID to the police officer that’s in charge of controlling the people, he lets you duck under the tape and approach the other agents already in the scene. You exhale, panting from your run as you introduce yourself.

“I’m with the FBI,” You tell them after stating your name. They all eye you like you’re from another dimension.

“What’s the FBI’s interest in all this?” Asks a red haired agent whose name you don’t know.

You take a look at the corpse on the ground. “‘Cause this is our guy.”

Crouching next to the lifeless body, you take a pair of latex gloves from the pocket of your jacket and put them on; with gentle fingers you tilt the dead’s head sideways so you can look for a specific mark behind his ear.

"Yep," You tilt the man's head for everyone to see a burning scar on the shape of an eye. "The Crystal Eyes gang.” You take the man’s hand to show the pinky finger ring the gang members wear, but it’s missing. Furrowing your brows you notice the tan line on his finger, where the ring should be.

The only man who actually smiles at your statement is the blond, blue-eyed guy. The rest of the agents sigh and roll her eyes, and you frown already irritated. First, your partner doesn’t show to a crime scene of a case he’s the head of, then these CBI agents are clearly not your fans.

The woman who seemed to be the boss rolls her eyes at the man and looks at your direction. Her blue eyes darting to you with anger and you’re not sure if it’s directed at you or the man with the arrogant smile. When she speaks, her voice is demanding, like she’s also your boss. “Are you leading this case on your own? Where is your partner?”

It takes everything in you not to tell her to fuck off. “He’s–” You swallow. “Coming.” You stand, looking away as you take off the gloves and discard them. Taking another look at your phone, you sigh in disappointment when you see nothing. Fucking hell, he’s not coming. What an idiot. “So, this guy’s name is–”

“You’re lying.” A voice interrupted you. It’s the man with the arrogant smile. “He’s not coming, is he?” You watch the way he smiles at you. “You keep checking your phone and the way you looked away when you talked tells us you’re either waiting for someone’s call or you’re checking to see if something happened to him.”

Fuck. How does he know all that? Were you that transparent or are you just a bad liar?

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” You ask him, shoving your hands in the pockets of your FBI jacket.

“Jane.” He smiles, showing you an ID card that has a picture of him above the name ‘Patrick Jane’. “Consultant.”

Nodding slowly, you frown at him. “Jane.” You tilt your head as you speak. “He’s coming, don’t worry. If he doesn’t arrive, he must have a great, great excuse for his absence. Either way it doesn’t concern you. What you do need to know is that him and I are after this gang for about a year now, and this is the first lead we have in three months. We’re more than capable of handling this.”

“Clearly not, if your partner is not even here,” The boss says. You exhale sharply. You were going to kill your partner.

“Listen, Agent…”

“Lisbon.”

“Agent Lisbon,” You repeat her name. “I know it’s hard to see a case being taken from your team, and I’m sorry about this, but– You gotta let me do my job.”

Lisbon sighs, crossing her arms “What do they do? The gang. Do they sell drugs? They kill people? Maybe there’s something we can help you with.”

“Well, I’m with the art squad so…” You pause. “They steal art.”

You watch as all the agents look at their boss and an awkward silence tenses the air. Lisbon widen her eyes and then looks away from you, clearing her throat. It’s like their own unspoken thing.

“Art?” Patrick says, amused. “From where?”

The way he says it makes it look like a joke and you’re not sure if he’s mocking you or not.

“Art galleries, museums, you pick.” You shrug, crossing your arms in a defensive manner. “They see a place with an expensive art piece? They steal. It could even be a rich man’s living room. When it comes to Crystal Eyes, they don’t give a fuck.”

Silence hangs in the air and you could hear a pin drop, even out here in the open. Finally, red haired woman, Van Pelt clears her throat, alleviating a bit of the tension you still don’t know why it’s there.

“And, uh–” She swallows. “These robberies involve killing other people or…?”

“No, they usually use a stealth strategy.” You almost sigh, relieved for the broken silence. “Although, one time, they killed an old man at his own mansion when the robbery didn’t go as planned. I don’t believe this an accident, though.”

“Interesting,” Jane mumbled. “Hey, do you happen to know an Agent–”

“We’re done here!” Lisbon interrupts him and starts walking away. You watch her give him a look only a wife would give to her husband. Quickly glancing at their hands, you notice they use the same ring on the same finger.

Of course they’re married.

Lisbon says your name, getting your attention again and nods at you. “He’s all yours. Have fun.”

And with that, her and her team walk away from the scene. Sighing, you check your phone one last time. Still, no messages, no missing calls, not even a text. Nothing. Gritting your teeth, you shake your head.

“Godammint, Pike.”

…

You and your team had been in California literally for half a day before the call for the dead guy came in. It’s the first lead you all have on this gang in three months, so as soon as one of the informants let you know one of the leader were in L.A., you all flew to the west coast and based yourselves in one of the FBI quarters.

As soon as you walk in the big room, you see Marcus’ sitting at his desk, typing something on a computer that looks like it hasn’t been used since the 90’s.

“Pike!” You exclaim, getting his attention. His face changes from focused, to confused, to a tired look in a matter of seconds. Strolling towards him, you watch as he leans back on his chair. “Three years I’ve been working with you and you’ve never pulled a stunt like this!” You slam your hand on his desk, making everyone around you jump, except from him. “If you wanted me to look like an idiot in front of the CBI guys, well, you did it!”

He raises his hands in defense and says your name, the low baritone of his voice is enough to send shivers down your spine, but not right now. Not today, when you’re angry at him like this.

“Oh, please, do tell,” You grunt, shifting the weight of your body to one leg as you cross your arms. “I’m eager to know why you didn’t show in such an important crime scene, leaving me alone to deal with them.”

Marcus gaped at you for a second and then sighed softly. “I got stuck in the traffic.”

You roll your eyes. “Bullshit. I was miles away and managed to get there before forensics.”

He stared at you for a moment and then sighed. “I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry.”

“Well, let this be the first and last time.” You warned him, pointing a finger to him.

“May I remind you I’m your boss, Agent?” He gives you a teasing smile, leaning back on the chair.

You sigh shaking your head. “Yeah, you seem to forget that sometimes.”

His eyes left yours and you felt a pang of sorrow for him, not knowing exactly why. You and Marcus have always had a love-hate relationship. Even though he's technically your boss, you've always treated him like equal. Yelling at him in front of colleagues wasn't a new thing, and to be honest, he’s already used to it. Shaking your head, you stroll over to the furthest desk and sit down, claiming the spot as yours for the time you stay in L.A.

Marcus Pike is an excellent agent. He’s dedicated and hardworking and a damn good boss. The man was born to lead, the passion he has for his job impresses you. Ever since you’ve joined the squad, you’ve been assigned with him as your partner. Back then, everyone told you how lucky you were to be working beside him. Three years later, you still feel lucky to work to have him as your partner. Just not today.

Needless to say, you have a mild crush on him. When you first met him, your first thought was that he was incredibly handsome. And then you were gradually being acquainted with his work style, with the way he worked hard, so your feelings for him just grew stronger over the time. You’ve become closer him over the course of the years and you know him just as well as he knows you. Which is why you just snapped at him. He’d never allow such thing if any other member of the squad talked to him like you did.

Little do you know that Marcus is harvesting a crush on you too. It’s been a while since the feelings had started to make its way to his heart. He’s not sure when it started, but he knows it’s there. He feels it every time you smile and laugh at one of his jokes. He feels it every time you come up with a lead, every time you arrest a criminal. He feels it when he sees you wearing the FBI jacket, looking so pretty with your hair in a low bun or in a ponytail. Hell, he feels it when you’re mad at him.

Marcus glances at you, from his claimed desk and sees you looking at the computer screen, forehead creased in concentration as you filled in the report from the crime scene. Sighing, he looks back at his own computer, feeling his heart sink. Three years you’ve been working together and not once you showed up with a boyfriend. Claiming your job was more important to you at the moment, you just stated that you have no time for relationships. You want to focus on your career, make a name for yourself.

Which is why you and him would never work.

The clock ticked slowly that morning as you all put the leads together to find out who killed the man of the gang. His name was Liam Dixon and he had a big name in the gang, his picture pinned on the cork board from your office back in New York for months. And now, he just drops dead. During a briefing, someone suggested it might have been an accident, a mugging that went wrong, but you know it’s more than that. Saying that the only thing that has been missing from the body was the ring, you argued that it could be either personal or a gang conflict that went wrong. Marcus agreed with you. The orientation he gave everyone is look into police calls for stolen art recently in L.A. That way, you can all have a hint where the gang is acting.

When lunch time arrives, you sigh as you check your phone and stand from your desk. Organizing your desk, you pick up the post-it notes and empty coffee cups and throw them in the trash, when you see a figure approaching you.

“Let me make it up to you,” Pike says, leaning his hand on your desk. “I know a good place where we can have lunch.”

…

Going on lunch breaks with him isn’t unfamiliar to you, but you’re still upset at him, so you order a salad and eat in silence as he eats his own meal too.

“How was the crime scene?” He tries to make conversation.

“You’d know if you were there.” The words come out too fast from your lips and you quickly shoot him an apologetic look.

“You’re still upset?”

Waving a hand at him, you shook your head. “I’m just being petty.” You swallow your food. “The scene was packed, lot of curious eyes. I got there and the CBI guys were in the scene.”

He nods, considering his next words. “Is Patrick Jane still a part of the CBI team?”

“The consultant?” Your voice gives a hint of surprise. “Yeah, he was there. Kinda weird guy if you ask me.”

Pike laughs softly, shaking his head. “Don’t let your guard down near him. He’ll read you like an open book.”

“What do you mean?” You take a sip of your water, eyeing him.

“He’s… Very observant,” He explains. “He’s good at reading people and he has no filter. If something is bothering you, he will let everyone know.”

“Huh.” You smile. “What a weirdo.”

Silence hangs in the air as you both eat. A comfortable silence, a good one.

“Did you meet Lisbon?” He asks, suddenly.

Frowning at him, you nod, biting a piece of broccoli. “Yeah, do you know her?”

Marcus sighs, drinking the rest of his water. Something in his demeanor tells you he’s… Sad, maybe? His eyelids drop to his plate and his shoulders slump as he hangs his head low. You’ve been coexisting with him long enough to tell he’s not okay. Then, a thought occurs to you.

“She’s the ex, isn’t she?” You ask, quietly. He looks up at her and nods, his expression changing, covering the trace of sadness from his face.

Marcus had told you about an ex who left him for another man during one of your stakeouts together. It broke your heart to know that a man like him, so sweet and hardworking, was left twice by women who didn’t appreciate him. You told him that they it was their loss and, after he laughed at your corny attempt at comforting him, you said that if they didn’t leave him, you’ve had never met him. That night, he looked at you like you were the light of his life. Every time you remember, you feel butterflies on your stomach and smile to yourself.

It was nearly two years ago.

And it’s not like Marcus is not over Lisbon, after all it’s been five years since the breakup. But he’s still not ready to face her. Not again. Not after the last time he saw her with Jane and felt his heart bleed. He just doesn’t want to get hurt again.

“How is–” He clears his throat. “How is she?”

“Fat.” You shake your head, grimacing at him. “Her hair was all over the place, pimples on her skin, bad breath, lettuce on her teeth–”

Marcus lets out a laugh, shaking his head. It’s the kind of laugh that makes him throw his head back and wrinkle the corner of his eyes, and, god, his smile is beautiful. He laughs genuinely and you know that, because you've heard it before. You hear it when you are in stakeouts together and you'd crack a joke he'd really liked. You hear it in birthday parties of the members of the squad, when he’s tipsy and drunk happy. You hear it when you make your snarky remarks at the perks you arrest. You could watch him laugh for hours and you would never get tired of the view, of the sound of it. It makes your stomach churn with pleasure to know that you’re the one who provoked this laugh on him. As he wipes the corners of his eyes, you smile at him, laughing softly.

“Nice try, but–” He laughs. “Thanks.”

You just shrug, shaking your head. “Is that why you didn’t go to the crime scene?”

Pike’s smile fades away and you regret the question when you see the expression he gives you. Something tells you to take it back, to apologize and leave it like that, but if he didn’t want to face her… Then, maybe, he still has feelings for her. And the thought, somehow, hurts you.

“Yeah, I, uh–” He swallows. “I don’t think I’m ready to face her again.”

“Oh.” Is all you say.

After finishing your lunch, you both pay the bill and leave the restaurant. The thick, awkward silence grows heavy between the two of you as you both walk together back to the quarters. You want to speak, but you don’t know how to comfort him, how to make him feel better. And then a different voice calls his name.

“Marcus?”

You both stop walking and turn around. Lisbon and Jane, hands laced together, are staring at the both of you. Marcus’s heart almost stop at the sight, his breath get caught on his throat as he widens his eyes.

“Teresa,” He replies, a surprised tone in his voice, eyeing Jane and nodding at him. “Patrick.”

“I see you kept the, uh–” Jane points at his own face to indicate a beard. “The look.”

Marcus nods at him, but doesn’t respond. You nod shortly at Patrick and glance at Lisbon.

“How– How are you?” She asks, looking right into his eyes. A shot of jealousy hits your heart, and you swallow hard trying to push the feeling away.

“Good,” Marcus answer, smiling. “You?”

“Good.” She smiles at him and you have to look away. Pursing your lips, you discreetly take a deep breath and cross your arms.

This woman had Marcus wrapped around her finger and really discarded him when she decided she didn’t want him. She played with his feelings until she got tired and left, not knowing she had a great man who was in love with her and was willing to do anything for her. She doesn’t know how lucky she was for having him. The anger sets in your chest faster than expected as they make small talk, but you don’t listen to them. You can’t, or you’ll explode with anger. It’s Jane’s voice that pulls you out of you thoughts.

“You’re jealous.” His voice is directed to you and both of them stop talking to look at you.

“What?” You frown in confusion.

“Your lips.” He points to his own lips as he talks. “They’re pursed together. You’re crossing your arms to shield yourself, and you have this… Sour expression on your face.”

Widening your eyes, you look at Pike but he’s just as surprised as you are.

“You have feelings for Agent Pike and you’re jealous that he’s giving attention to his ex girlfriend.” Jane smiled triumphant. You gape, feeling your heart speed, and the heat on your cheeks as you look at him surprised. Lisbon shoots a look at Jane as if she’s saying stop reading people without their permission. Your eyes are focused on the ground, knowing that if you look at Pike, it'll be game over.

"Of course she has feelings for me." Pike laughs softly after a short awkward pause. You shoot a look at him, a frown in your brow, confused as hell. "She's my girlfriend."

A silent pause hangs between all of them. Agent Lisbon frowns deeply, widening her eyes to the both of you. Jane's smile fades away. Pike's smile grows wider. And you… You just look at him in shock, thinking about how quickly he thought of the lie. It's unnecessary to lie, there's no point in telling the CBI that you were together, except–

He wanted to impress Lisbon. Of course.

Trying to conceal your emotions from Jane, cause he'd know if you're lying, you smile at the couple and laugh softly. Marcus approaches you and lays his palm flat on your lower back. A touch that makes you tense and melt at the same time. The warmth of his hand gives you some comfort and, despite everything going on, it's a comfort you needed for a really long time.

"We're trying to keep it a secret, for now." The words roll off easily from your lips and when you see, you're already wrapping an arm around his torso, smiling as brightly as you can. "Because we're coworkers, and we don't know how the squad would react." And then, with a playful tone, you look at Pike. "But someone can't keep his mouth shut."

Marcus laughs, shaking his head. A fake laugh.

"I just can't contain myself." He leans towards you to press his lips on the crown of your head. “I’m too happy with you.”

It shouldn’t make your heart jump, but it does. You look up at him and give him a real smile this time, your eyes softening as a light breath leaves your lips. He looks at you and notices it, slightly tilting his head like a confused puppy, reading your expression too well. Your smile fades for a moment as you look away, but the fake smile returns when you look at Patrick.

“Oh,” He says, looking a little too disappointed.

“We have to go,” You tell them, smiling. “We got a gang to catch.”

As soon as you both are out of their sight, you let go of each other. The walk back to the quarters is silent and awkward and you have to put an effort to not blush the entire way. Pike warned you, the man is good at reading people. And he really has no filter at all. You just hope that your partner thinks Jane is wrong, you can’t afford him knowing about your feelings for him.

When you reach the doors to the quarters, he calls your name, stopping by the steps. Looking back at him, you see him, with his hands on his hips and his eyes on the floor. You swallow, feeling your heart speed up.

“About what Jane said–”

“He was wrong.” You’re quick to interrupt. Marcus’ eyes dart up to you and you have to stop yourself from sighing.

“He’s never wrong.” His voice is soft and there’s a hint of something in his eyes. It’s something sparkly, like– Like hope. You have to look away, pushing the feeling away as you shove your hands in the pockets of your jacket.

“Well, he was,” You tell him, and when he says your first name, “We’re coworkers. Don’t worry, I don’t have feelings for you.”

With that, you turn your back to him and enters the quarters, the lie still burning your throat. Heading straight to the bathroom, you feel your eyes watering. By the time you lock the door, they run down your cheeks and you sob. You didn’t know why it hurt so much to lie to him, but it does.

You’re really into him, aren’t you?

…

Another member of the gang was murdered. Frederick Hale, second to leader of the Crystal Eye, was found dead by gunshot wounds almost in the same street Liam Dixon was found. When you and Pike got the crime scene to identify the body, forensics were almost done with everything.

“That doesn’t make sense,” You say, gripping you tea mug on the table. During the briefing, your brain is working like a machine, trying to figure out why the member of the gang were dropping like flies.

“Could be a coincidence.” Russell suggested, shrugging.

“It could be, but two members in the same day?” You argue.

“It’s not a coincidence,” Pike tells everyone. “Ballistics came through. Liam and Frederick were killed by the same gun.”

It doesn’t surprise you. You knew it was too good to be a coincidence.

“So, someone is definitely taking them out.” You nod.

“Maybe they both fucked up, and the man was mad about it.” Davis shrugs.

“No, it’s not like Yosef,” Pike says, sitting down and crossing his arms. The shirt tightens around his arms and you look away quickly, not letting the horny thoughts distract you from the investigation. “He doesn’t eliminate his members like that.”

“What if someone’s infiltrated in the gang?” You bite your thumbnail, like you always do, a habit Marcus noticed you did in the first week of working with you. You do it when you’re concentrated, thinking of something important.

“Like an informant?” He asks, looking at you. You don’t meet his gaze.

“No, no. Like– Someone who joined it with the specific purpose of killing them?”

“Like an avenger?” Davis scoffs and you shoot an angry look at him.

“Yeah,” Pike says, nodding. “I thought the same thing.”

Finally, finally you look at him. He gives you an assuring look as he's saying I agree with you and I have your back at the same time. That’s a thing you like about him. The way you both communicate without words. You open your mouth to agree, but his phone rings before you make a word out. He picks it up, dismissing you all with a wave of his hand and you sigh, standing up and walking to your desk.

You only get to turn the computer screen before Marcus makes a quick beeline for you and asks if he could talk to you for a moment. Outside. Feeling your stomach churning, you nod, knowing something is wrong. Following him to the back patio of the building, you take a couple of deep breaths, preparing yourself for whatever is coming. When you both are in a safe distance from the other members of the squad, he turns to you and sighs.

“That was Jane on the phone.” He explains, quickly.

A frown is on your forehead. “Jane? Patrick Jane?”

“Yeah.” He breathes, wetting his lips with his tongue and exhaling softly. “He invited us to a double date.”

A laugh escapes your lips and you smile, thinking it’s a joke. “A double date with who?”

His face is serious when he answers. “You and me, him and Teresa.”

The smile falls from your face and you tilt your head, knowing there’s more to it. “And you said no, right?”

Marcus’ gaze is on the floor as he avoids the question by staying in silence.

“Pike.” You insist. “Tell me you said no.” No answer. “Please, tell you said we’re going to be busy or that we had plans already.

You wait for his answer until he finally looks at you again. “I said yes.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you close your eyes and sigh deeply. Marcus bites his bottom lip, eagerly waiting for an answer, leg bouncing in anxiety.

“Why?” You ask, eyes still closed.

“I-I– I just–”

“Is this about Teresa?” You interrupt him before he could think of what to say. “Is this you trying to prove a point to her?”

“No!” He answers too quickly and you narrow your eyes at him. “Y-you know I can’t lie to Jane, he’ll know if I do!”

“Not even on the phone?!” You argue.

“Trust me, he’d know.”

Looking away, you sigh, crossing your arms. Marcus knows he’s putting you in a difficult position and the truth is that he doesn’t actually know why he said yes to the date. Maybe he just wishes he could go out with you and, knowing you would refuse his invitation if it was a normal situation, he accepted to continue to lie to Teresa and Patrick just to go out with you.

“Fine.” You finally answer. “When?”

“Tonight, eight o’clock.”

Sighing, once more, you nod. “Okay. But his ends tonight. No more lies. We’re here to work.”

He raises his hands in defense. “I promise, boss.”

“Fuck.” You mumble, walking away from him and ignoring the teasing nickname,

This is bullshit.

 …

Why this had to happen?

You look at yourself in the mirror for the hundredth time. The hotel room is a mess, clothes all scattered around the floor and bed. You didn’t bring any date clothes. Not even a casual dress. Not even a formal dress. You weren’t counting on going on a fucking date with a fake boyfriend.

The only formal set of clothes you bring is a plaid gray skirt, with length just above the knees, and a blazer in the same color and pattern. You put it in your suitcase just in case you’d have to attend an audience or be in the presence of a judge. Pairing it with a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of your usual office heels – black stiletto heels with a pointed toe – you decided this is the outfit.

Many times you imagined what your first date with Marcus would be. Your imagination liked to go far, from movie dates to fancy dinners, after all, it doesn’t hurt to think, right? But you never, ever imagined it would be like this. Faking a relationship to impress his ex. It kinda hurts, you realize, being a pawn to his game. But, deep down, you were dying for an excuse to go out with him. Even if it might be unprofessional. You just wish it would be you and him only.

A soft knock on your door announces he’s ready. You check your makeup and adjust your hair quickly, before walking to the door. You open it to a see a very handsome Marcus Pike standing at your door. He’s wearing a black suit and tie, like he usually does at work, but something is different. He’s neater, his hair is combed in place and his beard is trimmed and… Is he wearing cologne? The smell invades your nostrils and intoxicates you quickly, in a good way.

“Should I have shaved?” He asks, when you don’t speak. You blink, returning to the real world.

“No.” You shake your head, smiling. “You look– You look great.”

A shy smile curves the corners of his lips. “You too.”

You wave a hand at him, grabbing your clutch bag and closing the door behind you.

“I didn’t bring anything fancy, so…” You try to explain yourself.

“No, no, you look–” He hesitates. “You look beautiful.”

Feeling your cheeks warm, you look away from him, clearing your throat. Marcus is still amazed by you, looking so different tonight. Your hair is down and he fights the urge to run his fingers through it. In the three years he’s known you, he tries to think when he ever saw you with your hair down and he can’t. This might be the first time.

“Shall we?” You pull him out of his thoughts. He nods, and offers his arm for you to hook yours in it. You feel nervous, but for some reason, there’s a good feeling settled in your stomach.

Soft classical music reaches your ears as you enter the fancy restaurant, Marcus following right behind you, his hand hovering your lower back. As soon as you enter, a receptionist smiles and asks for your names.

“Yeah, we’re under the name Jane,” Marcus says, nodding once at her. She checks a list and tells you both to follow her.

She guides you both to an empty table and, for a moment, you think maybe they’re late, until you realize it’s a table for two. Your stomach drops and you swallow, frowning confused at the lady. Marcus laughs softly and shakes his head.

“No, there must be a mistake,” He says.

The receptionist frowns and checks the list again. “It says here you’ve reserved a table for two, Mister Jane.”

Marcus gapes at her as she walks away leaving you two behind. A waiter is politely waiting for you both to sit down at the table to hand you the menu, but you just look at each other, mouths hanged open.

“Maybe–” You say, swallowing hard. “Maybe we’re at the wrong restaurant.”

“No, he did this.” He whispers to you as you look at him, confused. “He set us up.”

A scoff leaves his throat as you look at him, pale and shaking. Does that mean you’re on an actual date… With Marcus Pike?

“What do we do now?” You ask, holding your clutch bag tightly with your hands.

“Well, we have two options. We can leave, and that’s okay if you want to.” He looks you in the eyes, leaning slightly towards you in honesty. “Or we can have dinner.”

The look you give him is one he can decipher. He can’t tell if you’re offended by the proposition or just thinking about it. Deep down he’s hoping you say yes, hoping you’d have dinner with him, just you and him. Then, a shy smile curves the corners of your lips and you shrug.

“Okay,” You tell him. “Since I’ve put on makeup and got all dressed up.”

He smiles at you and walks to the table to pull the chair for you to sit on. As the waiter hands you the menu and Marcus sits down in front of you, you try to calm down your nerves and try not to think you’re in an actual date with Agent Pike aka your boss. You order white wine and him Whiskey. After the waiter leaves, a moment of silence hangs between the both of you until you laugh nervously.

“I gotta admit,” You say, laughing. “Going on a date with my boss is kinda… Weird.”

Marcus stares at you for a few seconds and you wonder if saying the d-word was a bad move. But then he smiles, looking down at the menu and shaking his head.

“Just… Don’t think of me as Agent Pike. Tonight I’m just Marcus.”

“Marcus.” You repeat his name and nod. “Okay, Marcus… So what do you do for fun?”

Marcus breath almost hitches at the way you say his name and he imagines a thousand scenarios where you say his name like that. He clears his throat and swallows, closing the menu and looking at you.

“You know, the usual,” He answers. “Drink beer, watch TV.”

You smile, raising your eyebrows. “That’s all?” You tease. “You’re going to tell me Agent Marcus Pike doesn’t have a hobby?”

“C’mon.” He laughs. “You know which are my hobbies. You’ve known me for years.”

“Hmm, yes.” You smile. “But you said you’re Marcus tonight and I’m just trying to get to know you.”

Marcus looked at you with warmth in his eyes. A certain look that makes your stomach churn in pleasure, your heart speed and your cheeks warm. It’s something different. Perhaps the first time you look at his eyes like this in three years of knowing him.

“Alright,” He finally says. “My hobbies include watching TV, cooking and martial arts.”

A frown grows between your brows as you look at him surprised. “Cooking? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well, I decided to give it a try last month.” He shrugs and waits for the waiter to serve their drink before continuing talking. “I keep burning water, I don’t know why I even try.”

A laugh escapes your lips. A genuine laugh. “That bad, huh?” You take a sip of the wine as you watch him nod. “You just practice. I can teach you some recipes if you want. My mom tells me I’m an excellent cook.”

“Yeah, maybe you should.” He gives you that look again and you clear your throat, playing with the stem of your glass of wine. Marcus’ fingers slowly approach yours, barely grazing at your skin before pulling away at the sound of the waiter’s voice asking if you were ready to order.

Marcus orders the special stake and you the mushroom cream soup. The food is good, tasty, but you really wished you could have something simpler. You didn’t mind, as long as you’re with him. The night goes by with laughter, talk about your personal lives and stolen looks from each other. By dessert, you both were buzzed off by the alcohol and kept laughing at everything.

“Wait, you threw up on her?” You ask, a wide smile on your face as Marcus tells you a story about his very first date, where he got too drunk and everything went wrong.

“On her shoes!” He replies, burying his face on his hands.

“Oh my god!” You put a hand on your mouth to muffle a laugh.

“I was seventeen, okay?” He argues, laughing too.

Wiping a tear from the corner of your eyes, you sigh, feeling your face warm. You both fall into a comfortable silence as Marcus reaches for your hands on the table. Your fingers touch his and you feel the warmth of his body sending shivers down your spine. You realize you want to hold his hand forever, the feeling of his rough palm on yours is comforting to you.

“I’m having a great time.” He confesses, a closed-lipped smile on his face. An involuntary smile curves your lips too, letting the feeling take over you.

“Me too.” Your voice is small, shy. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” He agrees and fall in silence again.

Suddenly, an urge to tell him how you feel hits you. It may be the alcohol, but you can’t shake off the thoughts of confessing your feelings to him from your mind. You shouldn’t do it, not even your drunk self knows it. But the pain of yearning for a man, a good man, and not being reciprocated hits you and you don’t like the feeling.

“It’s getting late.” You whisper instead and he nods, asking for the check. He insists on paying, despite your protests.

The cab ride back to the hotel is silent and he’s not touching you anymore, but you wished he was. You wished he reached out for your hand, laced them together and pressed his lips on your skin. You wished this night never ended, you wished you would never let him go. The buzz of the alcohol is already faded when you both arrive at your hotel room, pulling the keycard from your wallet. Marcus walks with you and you look at him, smiling.

“So that was fun,” You say, biting your bottom lip.

“It was.” He smiles back. “We should do it again some time.”

Your heart skips a beat at small offer and all you can do is nod and smile. God, you really want to kiss him. You really want to kiss that stupid face, wipe off that stupid grin and pull him to your room. Licking your lips, your eyes set on his and he seems to notice because he licks his own lips, making your breath hitch.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” He says, looking right into your eyes.

And you should say no. You should draw the line, tell him you work together and that would be inappropriate. But instead you say,

“Okay.”

And then his lips gently press into yours as you close your eyes. The air escapes from your lungs as you reach for his neck, pulling him closer, his own hands cup your cheeks, kissing you tenderly. It feels amazing. The sensations his lips give you are beyond your imagination. As you open your mouth, allowing him you slip his tongue in, you sigh, deepening the kiss and tugging at his hair.

Then, you sober up. You pull away too quickly and wide your eyes, the blood draining from your face and your throat closing at the realization you just kissed your fucking boss.

“Shit,” You mumble, backing up. Marcus calls your name softly.

“It’s okay–”

“No.” You interrupt him. “You’re my boss, we work together.” You exhale sharply. “We can’t.”

“Sweetheart–”

“Don’t.” You raise a finger to him. “Please– Just don’t.”

Fumbling with the keycard you enter your room without giving him a chance to speak. The place it’s still a mess from your private fashion show, but you don’t care. Tears spill from your eyes as you remove your shoes and your clothes, not bothering to putting on pajamas or organizing the room before burying yourself under the covers.

Well, now, you’re really fucked.

_

tags: @madadlorian​ @xo-dragonette-xo​ @rosetophighlander​ @adikaofmandalore​ @pedropascalito​ @fioccodineveautunnale​ @burningsoulbloodyheart​ 

let me know if you want to be tagged in part ii!

[stephfights]

First post...waiting for my fate

You have a lump.  Wait, what?  My entire life was about to change.  But let me back up and tell you what has led me to this point.  At 38 years old I have been relatively healthy my whole life.  Mean as a snake, country as cornbread and loyal to a fault....that’s me.  But not sick.  I married my soulmate, Chris, in 2003 and had our son (my angel), Clayton, in 2007.  I was a stay at home mom for the first 8 years of Clayton’s life.  I then decided it was time for me to get out of the house and I have now been working at Kroger for over 4 years.  I have a wonderful family, the BEST friends ever and the most awesome customers anyone could ask for. 

In the last couple of years my hair seems to be thinning more that it always has.  I am always hot...not warm....HOT!  I sweat uncontrollably...mostly from my head/face/neck by just doing simple tasks.  I don’t sleep well.  I have gained quite a bit of weight that will not go away.  And I have more acne now than I ever had in high school!  But...I am that person....that person who doesn’t really care for doctors and thinks nothing bad will ever happen to them.  I am the strong one.  I take care of everyone else.  I guess that is what has gotten me to where I am today.  I have spent so many years taking care of everyone else that I put myself on the back burner.

Fast forward to May 2019.  I wake up with a horrible case of vertigo.  Drunk as pet monkey and vomiting I go to the local family physician’s office that I have been going to for 5 years (only for small things like the flu)  Of course...there was a new nurse practitioner.  This was about the 5th different one in the last 3 years.  He started asking me questions about my medical history...and wanted to know why I hadn’t had a well care check up in years.  I told him I didn’t have time...and I didn’t really see the point. At this time my husband shows up at the office.  He has left work because he thinks his wife, who never gets sick, must be on her last leg.  He made me promise before I left that I would come back and have that visit.  Then he lectured me about smoking.  That’s right, I have been a cigarette smoker for 22 years.  I smiled and thanked him and went on my way.

Over the summer Chris starts riding my ass about my promise to the NP to have a well care check up.  He then proceeds to tell my best friend, Amber, who also rides my ass.  After getting tired of listening to them I finally agree just to get them to shut up!

August 2019.  I go for my well care visit.  I decide if I’m going to do this I might as well tell him every little thing that I think is “wrong” with me.  I have had a large thyroid for many years (thanks Dad) but never had any problems with it.  I haven’t had a thyroid ultrasound or blood work in 10 years.  He thinks that may be the cause of some of the symptoms I am having.  So I agree to do both.  The blood work comes back perfectly normal.  The ultrasound shows a goiter and 2 small cysts.  No big deal really.  He didn’t do anything else.  He doesn’t do pap smears or breast exams.  So I think I am home free!  But he wants me to see a specialist.  Just to see what they think.  I am referred by one of my customers to an Endochronologist at Vanderbilt.  Of course I can’t get in until November 4th.  I was pissed but what could I do.  I wanted to see the best.

November 4th comes.  Chris takes off work to go with me.  I have to admit...I was SO nervous.  I don’t know why.  I just don’t like doctors.  After self diagnosing on the internet (don’t EVER do that)  I was convinced I had a brain tumor.  Dr. Craig Sussman comes in and is the nicest man I have ever met.  Like Mr. Rogers nice.  I was totally at ease.  He asked about a million questions and answered any questions I had.  He wants to do an exam from the waste up.  I’m like okay...whatever floats your boat.  So I put on a lovely (enter sarcasm) gown and he comes back in to do a breast and thyroid exam.  Right breast...all good.  Left breast....he finds a lump.  I couldn’t believe it!  I made him show me where it was.  Then he showed Chris where it was.  Damn, it was large!  Where did that come from and how did we miss that?  Even though I had not been to a female doctor in about 8 years I still did a self breast exam.  A lot of times at night while I was laying in bed watching TV.  Dr. S then does a thyroid exam but doesn’t really feel anything worrisome.  I can tell his worry is about that lump.  He wants to schedule a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  Of course...he tells me it is probably a cyst.  I still had a super uneasy feeling.  My mom has had several breast cysts and I think maybe I have inherited it from her.  So I schedule the tests....and wait for 2 weeks until that appointment.

November 18th.  I have dreaded this for 2 weeks.  I have heard all of the horror stories about how horrible and painful a mammogram is.  I do not like pain...in fact...I’m kind of a wuss.  I ask Chris what if the scans do show something.  But he doesn’t really want to think about that.  I am hoping he can come back with me for the tests....of course they will not let him.  I am literally shivering with tears in my eyes waiting for my mamm.  The tech, Jessica, is so wonderful.  She tries to calm my nerves and gets me in position for the first picture.  Beep...that’s it?  Yep....a mammogram is nothing.  I thought they were going to try to squeeze my boobies as flat as a pancake.  I knew that wasn’t going to work!  But it is literally as easy as an xray.  Jessica laughs and we go on and finish all of the scans.  You have to have a lot more pictures with a diagnostic mammogram as opposed to a screening mammogram.  Then onto the ultrasound.  It’s your typical u/s with the sticky gel and them pushing on you with the little flat scope.  I watch as she measures and pauses.  Then she goes up into my arm pit.  I’m thinking hey...I know my boobs are not perky anymore and they ain’t way up there, but I let her do what she’s doing.  Trying not focus on the weird position she has me in and the cramp that is developing in my shoulder.  She then goes and gets the radiologist.  I know something must be up...but maybe it’s just my fat non perky boobs not cooperating.  She pushes and pauses, pushes and pauses and they whisper back and forth.  Telling me that they are just looking for certain things.  After they finally get done...they ask if my husband is with me.  They are going to give me my results today.  Yippee...I don’t have to wait another flipping week and worry about this!  They go get him and put us in a little room and I tell him that it was “easy peasy” and I don’t know why I was so worked up over it.  We sit there and laugh about how dumb I was and how crazy I had been leading up to this appointment.  Then the radiologist comes in.  I swear she must be some kind of angel.  Her name is Dr. Sara Harvey.  She is sweet, kind and gentle.  She sits down, looks me in the eye, and says you do have a mass and it is solid.  Solid?  Cysts aren’t solid?  She continues with you need a biopsy ASAP.  Do they biopsy cysts?  Nothing is making any sense.   I look up at her and ask is it cancer.  She says yes...I am 90% sure it is.  At this moment my whole world changes.  I can’t look at my husband.  I can’t look at her.  I can only look at the ground and think wow, so this is how I’m going to die.  Chris takes over and asks if we can do the biopsy that day.  She leaves the room to go see what can be done.  As she walks out and the door clicks shut I lose it.  I am sobbing uncontrollably.  Begging my husband to tell me what I am suppose to do now.  He has no words.  He just holds me.  Dr. Harvey comes back in and says the biopsy can be done at 1:30 that afternoon....or the following Monday.  Again, I can’t speak.  So Chris tells her we are going to do it that day.  I finally find my voice and ask her who would be doing the procedure.  She says there are a number of radiologist who can do it.  I don’t want them.  I want her.  I don’t know why but I feel this weird connection with her.  She tells me if I want her to do it then she will change her schedule around and do it.  We leave the office and have an hour and half to wait before I have to go back for the biopsies.  I can’t eat, I can’t think, I can only sit and cry.  Chris starts making phone calls.  To my dad so he can pick up Clayton from school.  To my best friend, who is absolutely beside her self.  To my boss, who is not only my boss but a wonderful friend.  To my brother, who lives 9 hours away.

That was the shortest hour and a half in my life.  As I said before, I do not like pain.  But I REALLY do not like needles!  I have no tattoos, I refuse to take shots, IV’s send me into a panic attack.  But I know I am fixing to have a huge needle suck in my left breast.  And again my husband cannot go back with me.  I have to do this by myself.  I am taken back to a room and the nurse goes over exactly what they are going to do and any complications that could arise after.  Dr. Harvey comes in....and wraps me in a big hug.  I cry and cry.  And she just keeps on hugging me.  I lay down on a gurney and they put a warm blanket on me.  Dr. Harvey explains that she will tell me every little thing she is doing before she does it.  First things first is another ultrasound the see exactly where she wants to start.  Then it’s time to numb me up.  I have expressed my fear of needles and they both tell me how great I am doing.  She says it will be a little bee sting and BAM....that is one big ass bee!  I’m not going to lie and tell you that it didn’t hurt....because it did.  But it slowly became numb.  Then BAM....there’s that damn big ass bee again.  She continues over and over until she thinks we are good.  Here comes the biopsy needle.  Which I learn is a core biopsy so it is a much larger needle.  It is so large that she has to cut a slit in my breast with a scalpel to insert it.  She puts it in and it doesn’t really hurt.  It doesn’t feel good but it is tolerable.  She tells me I will hear a click....CLICK....she’s got it.  I am thinking that I am so glad this is over.  Then she tells me that she needs more.  She wants to make sure she has enough so there are no questions later.  I tell her to get extra.  I do not want to do this again!  Click, click.  Okay I’m going to make it.  When she inserts the needle for #4 I feel a sharp stab.  Seems she has to go very deep for this one.  So more numbing meds for me.  Click, click.  She ends up doing 5 total biopsies.  They are telling me how proud they are of me and how strong I am.  I don’t feel very strong.  In fact I feel like I have been beat down.  Both emotionally and physically.  I will get the results in 2-4 business days.  So guess what....more waiting.

Chris stays home with me on Tuesday to make sure I am okay.  My mom comes down and stays with me Wednesday and Thursday.  And we sit and wait.  Every time the phone rings I am looking at the caller ID wondering if this will be the call.  At 2:45 my mom leaves to go pick up Clayton at school.  At 2:48 the phone rings.  It is the call I have been waiting for and I am here by myself.  The lady on the phone must be a saint.  There is no way I could do her job.  “Mrs. Preston I am so sorry to tell you that your biopsies have come back and it is malignant.  You do have cancer”  And just like that.  I am now a cancer patient.  I start trying to ask questions but she doesn’t know any more details.  I am set up with an appt on November 26 with an oncology surgeon and a medical oncologist.  Wow, I get 2 specialist.  She tells me I will find out exactly what type of cancer I have and what stage it is at those appointments.  So once again....we wait.

The worst part of this was having to tell my 12 year old son.  The first thing he said was “But Mom I don’t want you to die”  Yeah...try not to cry after that!

It is a very weird feeling waiting to see if you are going to live or die.  Can this be treated or are they going to give me a certain amount of time to do the things I have always wanted to do?  I do know that I am a fighter.  I have went thru being scared and sad...and now I am just pissed off!  Breast cancer will not beat me!  I have to watch my son grow up!  I can’t kick the bucket and have my husband bring some hoe up in my house!  My parents are not going to have to bury a child!  And my brother will not be an only child!

I am ready for the news tomorrow.  Let’s get going on get this done so I can get on with my life!  Cancer can kiss my ass!

Love to all,

Stephanie Preston

[ashenious]

Some Grand Affairs Amongst the Normality - Chapter 5 of ??? (Dante/Reader)

Overall Story Rating: Mature Overall Story Tags: Alcohol, Big Snake, (Like literally a big snake), Blood, Body Horror, Dead Body Mention, Fluff, Gore Mention, Depressive Thoughts, Drugging, IV Mention, Nausea, Nightmares, Reader is regular boring Human, Reader likes to clean, Reader is also a troublemaker, Slow Burn, Suicide Mention, There was only one bed,

For This Chapter: Rating: Mature (Rating Changed from Teen to Mature on whole story) Warnings: Body Horror Additional: None Word Count: 6431

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9/ Part 10/Part 11/Part 12/Part 13/Part 14

AO3 Link: Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6/Part 7/Part 8/Part 9/Part 10/Part 11/Part 12/Part 13/Part 14

“Dante, what the actual hell?”

“Look, I can explain!”

It had been about 5 months since you had started spending your days off at Devil May Cry, and almost every week there was something new happening in the store.

The first week you decided to spend your day off at the store, you walked in to Dante getting his ass kicked by some lady, who turned out to be a good friend of his. This was confusing to you, then what made it even more confusing was when she introduced herself as just ‘Lady’, but as she explained that Dante owed her money for something, at least the ass kicking part made sense.

She had felt bad for making you walk in to the sight of Dante getting thrown across the room and into his couch, something that caused you to panic and run to the man’s aid when he really didn’t need it, having accepted his fate since he was the one who made poor monetary decisions, and so she took you out for a nice dinner as an apology. It was a weird day, but it had ended up quite pleasant.

There was another day, just a few weeks after you had met Lady, where you met Trish when you walked in, the sight of her carrying the oversized Sparda sword that Dante sometimes used throwing you off as Trish was a woman of average size, with the Sparda sword being just about the same height as her, and yet she was just carrying it effortlessly.

You were amazed when you first saw her carrying the sword, and even more amazed to learn how strong she was when she fought, courtesy of Dante happily recalling stories of her kicking several demons’ asses with ease. Every time she was in the store when you came to visit you would always ask about demons if time allowed, knowing she herself was one. You had originally worried that you would offend her by asking such ignorant questions, but to your surprise she seemed to enjoy answering any and all questions, once inviting you to sit with her at a nearby coffee shop while the two of you talked over lunch.

It was after meeting the both of them that you slowly pieced together that maybe friends of Dante’s didn’t like to hang out inside Devil May Cry for too long, which kind of made sense seeing as the store always seemed to go from looking spotless and perfect to looking like an actual dumpster during the days of the week you couldn’t visit, and you couldn’t imagine anyone actually wanting to look at the store in its disaster state.

Every week you’d come into the store, and you’d pull on your cleaning gloves before you’d spend about 2 hours cleaning the store up, pulling at least 4 bags of trash out of the store every time, and every week, without fail, Dante would suggest he order pizza as a ‘thank you’ for cleaning the store, something that you had told him he didn’t need to thank you for. Off he would go and order a pizza though, one with everything on it, minus olives of course, and when he came back, he’d return to his chair before eating. You’d pull up a chair for yourself and you’d sit with him, the two of you often talking about nothing while you ate.

Most weeks, your visit was a pleasant and quiet one, where you’d just end up just sitting in the store with Dante, a book in hand as the man also read one of his magazines. The silence between you both was a comfortable one, and it was nice to be sitting down and relaxing without having to worry about being interrupted by someone who needed you to find a book for them.

Some days you found yourself dragging Dante out of the store, insisting that the man needed to get out of the store sometimes for nonbusiness related reasons as you were convinced that Dante never left the store unless it was for pizza or a job.

Dante, when you were able to get the man to leave his office, often insisted the two of you go to a nearby diner, one where it seemed like he often frequented as every time he went in, they’d hand him a strawberry sundae without him having to ask. Seeing the man only eat pizza and sundaes, you wondered how the man wasn’t in terrible shape and how he survived on such a diet.

Most days, when the sun started to go down, you’d find yourself gathering your things to head home. For the first few weeks, you’d run home as fast as possible when the sun started to set, a bit of worry overtaking you at possibly being caught outside in the dark for too long. After you had casually mentioned how you dreaded running home after every visit, Dante had insisted on walking with you home, and you didn’t argue much to his insistence, quite happy you were able to talk to the man for another half an hour.

Sometimes, however, a call would come into the store, the man always repeating the same greeting when he answered. The days that this happened, you would watch Dante’s face change into a more serious one, and as he listened to the person on the phone, you’d quietly gather your things, knowing well that there was a chance Dante had to leave to go do a job somewhere.

He always apologized for having to go work, something you didn’t understand why he’d being apologizing for as he was going to help someone. It was as you were leaving that you would always tell him that you’d see him next week, usually throwing out a suggestion of possibly going to a new place on your next day off. You’d always watch him lock the door to the store before saying goodbye and leaving, and as you walked home, if you were interrupted during your cleaning, you’d think about how much more cleaning you’d have to do the next week before you and Dante could go anywhere.

One week a few months into you spending your days off at Devil May Cry, as you sat at work, you sat and wondered what exactly Dante did in his free time when you were not there. When you were visiting, it only seemed like Dante would read magazines, or eat pizzas or sundaes while waiting for a job. You had wondered what the man could possibly be up to during the week when you weren’t there, often thinking about the mess you’d find every time you’d walk in. It didn’t add up to how the mess would be made by the man who seemed glued to his chair 90% of the time.

But this week, the mystery was slowly beginning to unravel as you were going in to surprise Dante a day early, a mix up in the schedule allowing you to have 2 days off in a row, and when you walked in today, the sight of 20 pizza boxes on top of Dante’s desk stopped you dead in your tracks, your bag of cleaning supplies falling to the ground from your hand as you stood in the door.

The man didn’t notice your presence initially, as he was preoccupied with shoveling pizza into his face as he sat in his usual position, legs high up on his desk. It was only when you cleared your throat that he noticed you, the slice of pizza that he was eating getting flung into the air as he jumped in surprise.

You looked around the store, surprised at how thoroughly clean it was; The store looked like it had been cleaned yesterday with the shelves still being in line, there were only a couple of papers scattered on the floor, and the trash cans weren’t even close to overflowing like usual.

“You’d better start explaining then,” you said, slowly leaning down and picking your bag and its contents up from the ground. Once everything was back in the bag, you stood up and made your way over to Dante’s desk, snorting a bit at the sight of the flying piece of pizza having landed on the man’s chest.

“Well, you see….” The man began, slowly peeling the greasy pizza off his chest and placing back inside the open box that sat in front of him. “Y-You’re here a day early! Get the day off?”

“I did! My boss mixed up the schedule, so I have an extra day off. And I wanted to spend it cleaning so that tomorrow I could have a full day off and spend it just relaxing,” you explained, setting your bag of stuff down before opening a box of pizza. “But you’re changing the subject, so please explain to me why your store looks so clean today?” you continued, grabbing a slice of pizza for yourself as you leaned against the desk’s edge.

“….Err….” hearing the hesitation from the man, you turned your eyes to look at him, gaze focused solely on him as you ate. “You see, there’s a good reason why the store looks good….and it’s caaaaaaaaause…”

Before Dante could continue his staling, the phone rang, the man leaping to answer it, quickly spewing out his typical ‘Devil May Cry’ greeting and then listening to the person on the other side. It was convenient timing for him, and as you sat and eat your pizza, your eyes didn’t leave his face, watching his expression change from sheepish to more serious over the time he was on the phone.

“Yeah, I can do that,” he said finally, slowly hanging up the phone after another few seconds. “Sorry, something serious has come up. This shouldn’t take too long but…”

“Oh, okay…” you said, a bit of disappointment in your voice. You slowly set the piece of pizza you were eating inside its box, gently closing the box afterwards. You couldn’t help but be disappointed, you had looked forward to coming in since the moment you woke up, excited to change up the week a little to surprise Dante,. As you panned over the whole desk looking at all the pizzas that you wondered what Dante would do with now, you heard a sigh and brought your eyes up to Dante who was looking at you, a soft expression on his face.

“Listen, I’ll explain when I get back,” he said, slowly walking himself around the desk to stand before you. “You could…wait here til I get back? Lady is supposed to come by later and I don’t think I’ll be able to get a hold of her to tell her I’ll be out.”

“I’ll wait here!” you blurted out quickly, feeling your face flush brightly. “I-I mean, it’s not like I have anything else to do.” Pulling yourself off the desk’s edge, you picked up the box of pizza that had your slice in it, quickly walking around the desk and sitting on Dante’s seat before re-opening the box and beginning to eat your piece again. “I’ll try to clean up a bit too.”

“Sounds good to me,” Dante said, a small chuckle leaving his throat. “If you can’t eat all this, just pass it out to people on the street; there are plenty of beggars that come in here all the time. It’ll probably be cold by the time I come back.”

“Ohhh, I can do that!” you grinned, finishing off your first slice. Dante hesitated for a second, his eyes meeting yours just as he turned around and left the store, the sound of the clock in the back and a car outside now the only sounds you could hear.

This wasn’t the first time you had been left alone in the store, Dante had left you alone to go and grab pizza from down the street a couple of times, but each time he had said he’d only be gone ‘For a few minutes at the most!’ which you actually learned meant at least 30 minutes.

But this time was different, as Dante didn’t give you a span of time he’d be gone, it was all up in the air for how long he’d be gone. All you knew is that at some point Lady would be stopping by and at some time after that, Dante would be returning.

It was mid-day now, the sun high in the sky and the noises outside loud as people went about their business, and you were just sat at the Devil May Cry desk, a slice of pizza dangling from your mouth as you peered around the store slowly, tallying up how many trash bags you would need to clean the store today.

You estimated only one trash bag would be needed today, assuming you’d be able to hand out whole boxes of pizza to people. Finishing up your second slice, you closed the box on your lap, slowly sliding it onto the desk as you stood up. You grabbed 2 boxes of pizzas, opening them a bit to see what was on them. Seeing every topping known to man, you finally understood how Dante was in such debt.

You went outside, slowly pacing around the immediate area of the store trying to make eye contact with people as you held out the boxes. It didn’t take a long time to pass them all out, many people almost shouting out in joy at the idea of a free pizza, especially some people who looked much less fortunate than yourself, and in only an hour, all but 3 boxes of pizza were gone.

Once Dante’s desk was cleared of the towers of the boxes, you put the three remaining boxes on the bar nearby, turning and admiring how still spotless looking the top of the wooden desk was. Normally it’d be covered in papers or liquid rings from whatever drinks Dante drank that week, but there was nothing there now except his phone.

It was a beautiful sight, and as your eyes wandered around the room, you slowly made your way to your bag, first pulling out and then pulling on your gloves, deciding today would be the day you would deep scrub the lower floor. It looked like it needed some love, the tile dingy, dark, and always covered in a bit of dirt and foot prints from Dante and whoever else had been in the store since the last time the floor was cleaned. And based on how thick some of the dirt spots were, you could only guess that it had been years since someone had tried to clean the tiles.

You scrubbed for a good 2 hours before you needed a break, your knees covered in dirt and a bit scrapped up from you cleaning a patch of the floor, backing up toward the front door a bit and then repeating the process. You listened to the jukebox for background noise to help get through the task at hand, you having looped through at least 2 records in the time, but you had finally finished about half the floor, quite impressed with yourself at how much better the cleaned floor looked in comparison to the floor that you currently stood on.

Pausing for a second, you wondered how long it would take for the floor to dry, remembering that you had left your stuff sitting in front of Dante’s desk.

You looked at the floor, hesitantly stepping one foot onto the clean floor before you made another step, taking a long stride to cover as much of the floor as you could. You repeated your long strides, only needing 3 to get close to the wooden floor.

Hearing the door open behind you, you froze, legs still spread out over the floor, you only just one step away from the step up. You turned your head a bit, slowly rotating your torso around as you tried to keep your feet from moving.

“Welcome in!” you said, reflex kicking in for greeting a visitor.

Seeing 2 eyes of different colours looking at you, you smiled a bit, and turned yourself around completely as you greeted Lady. Lady greeted you back as she closed the door behind her, and you slowly stepped your way onto the dry floor as she asked what you were doing,

“Deep cleaning,” you said as you motioned over the wet floor. “But I left my stuff next to Dante’s desk, so I was trying to not step on too much of the floor.”

“Oh, I see. This store really needs the attention, I doubt Dante even owns a broom.” Lady said as she looked over the area. “Speaking of, where is he?”

“He doesn’t, I looked. And he’s out right now, he asked me to stay here until you got here since he wouldn’t be able to get in touch with you,” you explained as you watched Lady walk over to the couch and set down her bag on it before sitting down beside it. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, how have you been?” you asked, slowly pulling out a chair from the nearby table and sitting down on it.

“Been good, been very busy. There’s this one job that I’ve been on for a while now.” Lady explained. “I’ve been looking for a demon bar that’s supposedly in town.”

“A demon bar?” you asked.

“Yeah. Well, it’s not an official job, but it’s a rumor I’ve been following for at least 2 months now.” Lady said as she crossed her leg over her other. “I can’t seem to get a lead on it, and I’m wondering if a place even exists.”

“Huh…A demon bar sounds expensive,” you muttered quietly.

“What was that?”

“I mean, Dante said he needed to drink a lot more than a full human to get drunk, I can only imagine how much liquor a full demon would need to get drunk,” you explained as you rubbed your chin slowly. “It’s probably way more cost effective for a demon to drink at home…”

“I don’t think every demon gets a chance to drink at home,” Lady said, a small laugh coming from her.

“Oh, that’s true… That probably makes the bar a favourite place for some demons.” Pulling your hand down from your face, you looked around the area.

You thought about Alecz and your Boss and how you had recently learned that both of them were demons, a fact that didn’t change your opinion about them at all. The fact, however, did make you wonder if either of them were friends with more demons.

You knew the answer was yes, of course they had friends that were probably demons as well, but you also wondered what kind of friends they had, and if they were good or bad. You felt a little bad thinking like that, as that was never a thought you had about your human friends and their friends, so why would you think about that for your demon friends?

Your eyes glanced to Lady for a moment, her attention now turned to her weapon that she was polishing. Watching as she cleaned off her Kalina Ann, you wondered how she came across the rumor of a demon bar.

You looked around the room again, hoping to find a pen you could use to write on yourself so you could remind yourself to ask Alecz or your Boss later about if either of them know anything about this demon bar. But you stopped, your face crinkling a bit as you wondered on if you should ask them about it, wondering if it would a wise idea to ask your friends about a place demons would enjoy hanging out and then telling that information to a demon hunter.

Your thoughts were halted, however, at the sound of the door opening which caused you to jump a bit. You spun around on your chair, your hand coming up to rest on the back of it as you saw Dante and a new person walk into the store. You greeted them both, a smile on your face as Dante looked over to you.

“Hey, glad you’re here Lady!” the other gentleman said as he closed the door and looked over Lady. She greeted the man, and slowly stood up as you turned to look at her.

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m J.D. Morrison, pleasure to meet you,” The man said as he removed his hat, you turning around to face him when you realized he was talking to you. Taking the man’s extended hand, you stood up and shook it, introducing yourself to Morrison. “I’m a broker, I’ve worked with Dante for quite a while now.”

“Nice to meet you,” you said as you released the man’s hand.

“Wow, the floor looks so much better!” Dante exclaimed, his eyes going over the area as he whistled. “I didn’t even realize what nice tile I had here.” Watching the man walk over the floor, you sighed a little, but realized quickly that the tile had finally dried. Morrison and Lady followed Dante, making their way over to his desk.

“Oh, wait a moment.” Sitting down at his desk, Dante put down a file he was holding, his eyes turning to you as you started putting on your cleaning gloves, determination filling you again to finish your cleaning. “Hey, we’re going to be talking about a case here.” Dante pulled out some papers from the file before him, spreading them out over the entirety of his desk so that all of the papers could be seen.

“Oh?” Grabbing some your cleaning supplies, you turned to Dante, looking over his desk at the surface covered in papers. “I was just going to keep cleaning the floor over on this side, I can keep quiet.”

“Well, it’s not that…” Dante said as he chuckled a bit. “I’ve told you about the case I’ve been working on for a few months, the one with the people ending up burnt alive?”

“Oh yeah, you’ve mentioned it,” you said, gently bringing your hand up to rub your jawline. “You’ve been working on that for a few months? Has it been that long of a case?”

“We’ve been following it for about 5 months now,” Morrison said, him turning to look at you as he leant on Dante’s desk.

“Remember that phone call I took the first time you were in?” Dante asked, his elbows coming down to the desk to rest on as his hands supported his face. “That was Morrison calling to tell me about the first victim.”

“Shit, I can’t believe it’s been that long…” you muttered, you hand coming down to your side as you looked over the three people standing before you. Lady was already beginning to read the papers on Dante’s desk, her one hand holding the paper she was reading as another slowly pulled another toward her.

“Yeah, and some of the details of the case are...pretty gross,” Dante explained as his eyes watched yours. “You going to be good with listening to us talk about it?”

“Oh, yeah! I don’t mind, I just really want to finish this floor today,” you said, a small grin on your face as you picked up your scrubbing brush.

Nodding at you, Dante turned his eyes down to the table, and as Morrison followed suit, you knelt down, your mind playing out the path of scrubbing you were going to follow as you looked over the floor.

As your body naturally followed your plan, you let your mind wander a bit, hoping to ignore most of what Dante and them were saying. You didn’t consider yourself squeamish, not anymore at least, and there were very few things that bothered you before a few months ago. It was only after the nightmares started about 4 months ago that you got completely used to gruesome things, your mind creating awfully startling things as you slept every night.

The nightmares often featured the large snake demon from before, the memory of the evening often replaying multiple times a week as you slept, sometimes allowing a twist to happen during the memory that changed how the snake came after you.

Sometimes your dreams changed the path you took, once allowing you to jump into the river from off the bridge, resulting in you drowning, or once allowing you to run to work instead of toward the park, resulting in the snake demon eating your coworkers before your eyes. Sometimes your dreams changed the ending of your memory, resulting in you being eaten alive by the beast. That was your least favourite of the outcomes your mind made.

Occasionally the snake demon wouldn’t be present at all, instead it would be replaced with another grotesque looking beast that was made of the combined parts of people, with its body being made of sewn together flesh and its arms and legs each being composed of a whole person’s body with multiple arms and legs coming off of them in sporadic directions. You never saw the face of this beast, despite you trying to view it each time it appeared, and the only thing you knew that was on the beast’s face was that it had bright red eyes with pupils that changed to slits as they grew smaller.

There had only been a handful of times where the nightmares had jolted you awake, your body drenched in sweat as you tried to ground yourself in reality, disorientation not allowing you to leave your state of sleep easily. Usually it was when something new would happen in your dream that you would find yourself abruptly waking up, sometimes with your covers being thrown off as you found yourself stumbling to the bathroom to hover over the toilet.

Mornings were even less pleasant to you now too, as nausea often overtook your being for a few hours before it began to fade, and breakfast was no longer an option for you before noon most days. On the unfortunate days where Alecz would brew a particularly strong smelling coffee, you’d find yourself hiding in your room until the odor dissipated, lest you wished to find yourself spending the early portion of the day locked in the bathroom.

Thinking of the horrid new coffee that Alecz had made this morning, one that caused you to leave the house much earlier than you planned, your stomach gurgled, gently reminding you that you hadn’t eaten anything at all for the day. Pulling yourself up and sitting back on your heels, you wiped a bit of sweat away from your brow, your eyes going over the area that you had just finished scrubbing.

You glanced over the whole floor, and seeing the contrast of the freshly cleaned floor to the parts that hadn’t been touched yet, you smiled a little, happy with the progress you were making. It was as you were about to turn back to continue your cleaning binge that you heard the group nearby talking about details of the case they were working on that caught your stomach and mind’s unfortunate attention.

“So, what makes you think that these random mix drinks and cooked livers are connected to the burn victims?” you heard Dante ask. You turned yourself a bit on your knees, glancing over to the group as each passed around a piece of paper to each other.

“Hear me out, ‘cause I know they’re connected,” Morrison replied as he pulled out a new paper from his coat pocket. “The culprit got careless on their last burning, and I was able to get the workers at the morgue to pull viable tissue samples from the victim. The mix drink that was found 10 days prior to their death was made from their blood. And the found liver matched the tissue sample too. Definitive proof that these ‘random’ findings are connected.”

“So, the culprit is taking blood and the victim’s liver out and leaving them around town before they burn them?” Lady asked as Morrison handed her the paper he had pulled out.

“Seems to be so. And the days between the findings are all consistently 5 days apart too,” Morrison explained as he pointed to part of the paper lady was holding. “Victim goes missing, 5 days later we get a call about the mix drink, 5 days later we get a call about a cooked liver at a hospital somewhere, and 5 days later we get a call about a scorched human.”

“What a terrible way to go…” Dante muttered, his eyes looking a page before him up and down.

“Probably the worst way to go. The bodies are so charred that the morgue can’t even tell when the victims are dying either, whether it’s from the fire or from not having a liver anymore,” Morrison said, his hand lightly running over a few papers in front of him anymore. “And one weird part about the liver is how it’s cut. It’s cut and prepared so well that the lab says it looks like something you’d find at an overpriced, high end restaurant.”

“…How is the liver prepared, exactly?” you said suddenly. Seeing everyone’s eyes turn over to you, you felt yourself flush a bit, quickly standing to your feet and removing your gloves.

“Do you think how it’s prepared is relevant to the case?” Lady asked, her eyebrow a bit raised as she and the others watched you.

“I-It could be…” you said quietly. Tossing your gloves and supplies to the side, you took a few steps up to Dante’s desk, slowly looking over the details of the papers that were previously too far away to see before. “I-I mean, the way I see it, most people probably don’t know how to cut a liver right, let alone how to cook one properly.

“Plus, if it’s a human liver, for someone to cook it properly, and for other people to describe it as ‘something you’d find at an overpriced, high end restaurant’, I’d say the culprit probably has a extraordinary amount of food knowledge and experience,” you continued, your eyes going up and looking at each of the people before you as you spoke. Watching Morrison grab a paper that was hidden under a few others, his eyes went over it slowly.

“Lab says…the liver was cooked through thoroughly and garnished with onions,” he said as he looked at the paper before him.

“Ew,” sticking your tongue out a bit, you tried not to imagine exactly how a human liver felt when it was completely cooked through and garnished with onions, failing to stop your brain as the thought came into your head.

“That’s a solid point though,” Lady said, her hand coming up to her face as she thought for a second.

“So, we’re looking for an expert chef then?” Dante asked, his arms crossing in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. “That only narrows this down to a good chunk of the population.”

“It’s a good start, I think,” Morrison said as he set down the paper he was holding. “It makes sense too, with the mix drink that the culprit has been leaving around.”

“Oh yeah, you said they’re leaving a mix drink made with the victim’s blood?” you asked, your eyes going over the desk searching for a paper about the mix drink.

“Honey, milk, blood, vegetable oil, and some type of liquor, most commonly vodka, are the ingredients of this terrible mix drink” Morrison explained, his eyes also going over the desk in search of a paper. Watching him shuffle through a few stacks, you watched as he pulled one page out slowly, his eyes going over it for a second before he handed the paper to you. “The weirdest part is that the drink isn’t ever actually mixed, at least, not when it’s initially found.”

Seeing that the page you were handed was a picture, you took note of the oddity that was printed on it. There was a corked bottle shown, and within the bottle were 5 different separate layers of liquid, each sitting undisturbed on top of the other in the order that Morrison had listed them off before. What made you furrow your brow was not the sight of the layers, but the label that was on the bottle, a ribbon attached to it as the paper lay hanging off of it that said, “Shake Well.”

“What…a drink,” was all you could say for a moment as you looked at each layer in the drink. “But they’re separated by, uh…” Snapping your fingers a few times, you struggled to find the right word, your brain having to go back to your primary school days to think of the concept that you were looking at.

“Oh, by density?” Lady proposed for you.

“That’s it!”

“Makes sense with the food knowledge theory, cause I sure as hell had no idea you could put milk over honey and liquor over vegetable oil.” Morrison said, his hand reaching out to take the photo from you. Handing it over to him, you again looked over the desk, wondering if there was any order to the papers that were strewn about.

“That kind of careful separation takes a lot of skill to do,” Dante said, his one hand coming up to rub his chin gently. “At least, for alcoholic drinks anyway. You have to pour anything you’re adding to a drink super precisely over a spoon usually.”

“Maybe…this demon is connected to the demon bar I’ve been looking for,” Lady said, her hand also coming up to rub her chin.

“You think they could be a worker there?” you asked as you turned to Lady.

“That’d explain how they’d be able to do this whole extra density thing they did,” Dante said, a light chuckle leaving him as he spoke as his hand waved through the air slowly.

“I’m going to go out and try to crack down on this demon bar then,” Lady said, her hands coming down to rest on her sides. “If it is tied into this case, then I’ll need to take the existence of it more seriously than just thinking it’s a rumored place to find between jobs.”

“Agreed. I’ll see what I can find out about it too,” Dante said, his hands coming down to his knees before he slowly lifted himself up to stand.

“I’ll update the force about this, see what they can find,” Morrison said as he pulled himself from the desk, his hat being placed back on his head before he nodded at the group. Watching the man take his leave, Lady followed behind just after, her walking over to her weapon on the couch and gathering it up before she said goodbye and left.

“Oh, I guess if I’m heading out…” you heard Dante mutter. Turning from the front door to him, you watched as he began to gather all the papers up into one pile. “The sun is going to be setting soon, isn’t it?”

“Y-Yeah, but that’s fine!” you said quickly. “I-I mean, I can just finish the floor tomorrow, not like it’s going to go away any time soon.” Hearing a small chuckle, you watched as Dante put all the papers into his drawer before he walked around the desk to the side you stood at. “Assuming that it’s alright I can come by tomorrow too?”

“Yeah, I might not be here though,” Dante admitted, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck gently. “There’s only a few more days until the next victim is taken, so I might head out early in the morning.”

“That’s fine, I mean…” you started, quickly gathering your things as Dante made his way to the door. Deciding against hauling all your cleaning supplies home, you placed them near the table by the front door and grabbed the remainder of your stuff. “I’ll just stop by and see if you’re here, at least it’ll get me out of the house for a little bit!”

“Sounds good to me,” Dante said, his hand gently resting itself on your shoulder as you exited the store.

After the man locked the door, you watched as he began to walk in the opposite direction of you, you sighing a bit at the thought of not being able to finish the floor that you were so hoping to get sparkling clean today.

Closing the front door to your apartment, you paused a second, your ears trying to pick up any sound inside the home. Hearing a page turn and a small sigh, you followed the noise, your eyes falling on Alecz in their usual position in the living room. You greeted them, slowly walking your way over to the nearby chair as you waited for their response.

“…Hey,” they finally said, their eyes coming up for only a second to acknowledge you.

“Mind if I ask you something?”

“What’s up?” they asked, their bookmark gently being set into their book before it was closed.

“You ever heard of a demon bar?” you asked, your hands gently pulling your legs up from the floor to cross them in front of you.

“A demon bar?” Alecz’s hand came up, resting up under their chain as their face contorted in thought. “I…don’t think so.”

“Oh, okay,” you said quietly. “I was only asking cause there’s this case Dante’s working on, and they’re thinking a killer demon might be a worker at a demon bar somewhere around here,” you explained, your fingers tapping on the sides of your feet as you spoke.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Alecz replied.

“Not at all.” Slowly bringing yourself to your feet, Alecz slowly opened their book up, their eyes falling to it only a moment later. “I’d thought I’d at least ask, in case you had heard anything.”

“If… I hear anything,” they started. “I’ll let you know.” Thanking them, you smiled a bit before you made your way to your room. Bagels started screaming as soon as she saw you, hoping to procure some food out of you 2 hours before the set dinner time. Laying yourself down next to her, you crossed your arms under your head, your mind wandering to tomorrow, hoping that Dante would be in the store even for just a little bit when you decided to go visit.

[t0m0kii]

1-99

you think this is a game anon? you send in 1-99 i’m gonna do 1-99 so HERE WE H*CKING GO

“1) Sexuality?”

bi! even tho i’m not attracted to many boys (and i actually only seriously like one) i still consider myself to be a groovy bisexual

“2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?”

any of the monkees! but also paul mccartney!

“3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.”

here’s an excerpt from the nearest book, ‘‘the everything reading music book’‘: “The terms measure and bar can be used in place of one another - they mean the same thing.” very educational!

“4) What do you think about most?”

it’s probably pathetic but i probably think about story concepts the most! either that or monkees stuff but sometimes they can be the same thing

“5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?”

my latest text is from my dude sean a.k.a joj-n-ringo who said that he sent me loads of asks about nwa but somehow i didn’t get any of them 

“6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?”

always with! sleeping naked is weird and plus i hate my body and don’t wanna look at it SKJALKJAKLHDKSJLKN

“7) What’s your strangest talent?”

i dunno! i don’t really have any weird talents!

“8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)”

girls…are neat! boys…are also neat!

“9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?”

no one’s ever written me a song but i’ve had friends write me poems before! it’s nice and i love it

“10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?”

hm……when’s the last time i listened to joe walsh’s life’s been good……………probably then!

“11) Do you have any strange phobias?”

i don’t know if it counts as a phobia but i get really bothered when i see shirtless pics of people and their ribs are visible like idk what it is but eeeee i don’t like it

“12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?”

not that i can remember, lmao

“13) What’s your religion?”

i’m not like a diehard religion fanatic but i was raised christian and still sorta stand by it yknow

“14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?”

looking at the area around me, even if i’ve seen the place a thousand times, i’m always just lookin around lmao

“15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?”

it depends! mostly i like being in front tho jdhbkjfhdjfls

“16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?”

the monkees! those four idiots have my whole heart

“17) What was the last lie you told?”

my mom asked me if i did my homework yesterday and i lied and said i did it at school BUT I DID DO MOST OF IT THERE SO WHEN I BROUGHT IT HOME I DIDN’T HAVE A LOT TO DO

“18) Do you believe in karma?”

i guess so! what goes around comes around i’d suppose

“19) What does your URL mean?”

it’s named somewhat after my favorite anime character tomoko kuroki bc i love her and she’s a big mood

“20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?”

i think my greatest weakness would be that i jump to conclusions without any reason yknow but i think my biggest strength would be either my writing abilities or my ability to sorta see through people and see exactly what type of person they are

“21) Who is your celebrity crush?”

davy jones !!!!!! i love him so much !!!!!!!!!!

“22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?”

hELL NO i would never i’m way too modest for that sjsklaskjdkbfnj

“23) How do you vent your anger?”

usually i talk to someone about it who’d understand but sometimes when i don’t want to bug anyone i just scribble it all down

“24) Do you have a collection of anything?”i have a record collection! and a cd and tape collection, i mostly just collect music stuff kshsjlbsjk

“25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?”

i don’t really like either but i prefer talking on the phone!

“26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?”

not entirely

“27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?”

i hate the sound of babies screaming like i don’t hate children but uGH it kills my ears and a sound i love is the sound of tambourines! i love those lil things they do a good noise

“28) What’s your biggest “what if”?”

what if it’s all for nothing (this could apply to several things)

“29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?”

i dunno about aliens but i think there are ghosts! i’d love to be friends with a ghost like. imagine

“30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.”

with my right i touch my phone first! and with my left i touch my 3ds 

“31) Smell the air. What do you smell?”

it smells like……………………………..air

“32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?”

i dunno i’ve never really been anywhere super terrible 

“33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?”

uhhh east?

“34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?”

DAVY JONES OF COURSEEEEE

“35) To you, what is the meaning of life?”

to give it meaning

“36) Define Art.”

art is whatever you make it tbh, something that inspires

“37) Do you believe in luck?”

i guess! even tho i have the worst luck ever

“38) What’s the weather like right now?”

cold and windy it SUCKS

“39) What time is it?”

at the time of writing this answer it’s 8:37 pm!

“40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?”

i’m too young to drive so i’ve never done it bsjhklskjdvbfjdsk

“41) What was the last book you read?”

i admit i write more than i read but i believe the last time i read a book was yesterday when i was reading one of my how-to-read-sheet-music books from the library

“42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?”

i can tolerate it but i wouldn’t want to sit and smell it for hours

“43) Do you have any nicknames?”

not really! if you gave me one that’d be neat

“44) What was the last movie you saw?”

last time i watched a movie was when i rewatched the beatles movie ‘‘help!’‘ it’s a rlly good movie i love it

“45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?”

uh once i broke my arm in kindergarten but i think that’d be it

“46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?”

like in a net? no but i’d really like tooooo i think it’d be neat

“47) Do you have any obsessions right now?”

MONKEESSSSSS I’VE BEEN HYPERFIXING ON THE MONKEES FOR NEARLY A YEAR NOW I JUST LOVE THOSE FOUR DUMBASSES ESPECIALLY THE SHORT ONE THAT TALKS FUNNY

“48) What’s your sexual orientation?”

i’m a girl! born a girl and i have stayed a girl since. wild

“49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?”

not that i know of sjhskdksl is that a good thing??

“50) Do you believe in magic?”

perhaps it’s out there and someone’s just keeping it to themselves WHICH WOULD SUCK BC GIVE ME SOME MAGIC YOU FUCK

“51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?”

i forgive but never forget

“52) What is your astrological sign?”

since i was born on november 8th i’d be a scorpio!

“53) Do you save money or spend it?”

i’m terrible at saving money but i’m a wiz at spending it

“54) What’s the last thing you purchased?”

my monkees shirt! i love that thing even tho it was 90 dollars on etsy but lemme tell ya it’s 90 dollars well spent

“55) Love or lust?”

love !!!!!!!!!!

“56) In a relationship?”

in my daydream universe i’m the lovely intelligent wife of davy jones but in reality i’m a lonely bitch skjfhdsjflsj;fdkk

“57) How many relationships have you had?”

i had a boyfriend for a week in kindergarten but only because he recognized me from sunday school and i’ve never had a relationship since

“58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?”

no and i can’t believe people can do that but some people can’t like HUH

“59) Where were you yesterday?”

i wasn’t anywhere near the crime scene officer i swear

“60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?”

on my desk next to my coaster is my pink rubber bracelet with a peter tork quote on it! and that’s not very far away so it counts!

“61) Are you wearing socks right now?”

the only time i’m not wearing socks is when i’m in the shower so yes

“62) What’s your favorite animal?”

the red panda !!!! i love those funky little dudes !!!!!!!

“63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?”

i really would not know my dude i mean just being myself i guess?? bold of you to assume people like me

“64) Where is your best friend?”

probably at their house being the greatest best friend ever

“65) Spit or swallow?(;”

i think when you’re brushing your teeth you literally have to spit you can’t just swallow that shit what the fuck if i find someone who does that i’ll ascend

“66) What is your heritage?”

i don’t really know! i mean i’m about as white as a piece of paper so

“67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?”

i told you before officer i wasn’t out doing illegal actions ((nah but seriously i was watching youtube i think))

“68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?”

bofa

“69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?”

honestly i never remember where my bus stop is i always just look out the window and see my house and i’m like oh shit time to skidaddle so i mostly rely on the bus driver for that. thanks bus driver

((yeah))

“70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?”

i think being friends with me would be alright maybe!

“71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?”

man fuck that guy i’m saving that fuckin dog then i’ll just show up with the dog and everyone will think it’s so cute that i won’t get fired. problem solved!

“72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?”

i guess everyone would already know but i’d finish everything i’d need to like writing projects and stuff, i’d make sure i’d do everything i need to before i had to die 

“73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.”

where there’s trust there’s love so trust!

“74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?”

looking for the good times by the monkees never fails to make me smile! i just love davy a lot

“75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?”

7644! 

“76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?”

a good relationship starts with a good friendship yknow. you have to be able to love and appreciate the person you’re with and accept them the way they are and not try to change them too much. and it also sorta all relies on trust. if you can trust who you’re with, you’re good to go. and if you feel like you’re unable to call them out when they do wrong or if they do/say something really bad and you just let it slide then that’s not good in a relationship i’d say

“77) How can I win your heart?”

be nice

“78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?”

maybe just a small, small amount but not a lot

“79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?”

deciding to listen to the monkees tbh bc !!! i love em !!!! have i mentioned this !!!!

“80) What size shoes do you wear?”

like size 11 or somethin like that

“81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?”

“bury me shallow because i’ll be back”

“82) What is your favorite word?”

my favorite word would probably be “lovely” bc it’s so fuckin !! good !!!!!!!

“83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.”

i always hear the word in davy’s voice and the way he says it LKDSLSKS he goes “h a h t” it’s cute

“84) What is a saying you say a lot?”

“it be like that sometimes”

“85) What’s the last song you listened to?”

everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears! listening to it as i answer this actually

“86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?”

blue! really any shade of blue but especially light blue!

“87) What is your current desktop picture?”

i’ve said monkees too many times in this post but. them

“88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?”

the president bc he sucks

“89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?”

if someone outside of the internet asked if i were gay i think i’d be a little scared to answer bc yknow my whole family is homophobic and all that and sometimes you never can tell who is and who isn’t

“90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?”

introduce myself bc even if i’m scared i’m not about to be impolite

“91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?”

time travel !!!! they call me TIME TRAVELING PRODUCE AISLE 

“92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?”

maybe a half hour of my first concert! it was a blast

“93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?”

developing depression

“94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?”

DAVY FUCKIN JONES but would we still see eachother afterwards is the question

“95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?”

manchester, england !!!!!!! i really want to go and i actually kinda wanna move there someday

“96) Do you have any relatives in jail?”

not that i know of i sure hope not lmao

“97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?”

once a long time ago

“98) Ever been on a plane?”

never bc my mom is super scared of heights and scared of planes and tbh i kinda don’t really like planes i prefer boats

“99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?”

i’d say listen to papa gene’s blues by the monkees and listen to mike nesmith go “yeeeeeehawwwww !!!!!!”

this took me an hour thanks anon

[yoolee]

Actual, real-world Life Advice from Lee: INTERVIEWING

Hopefully, you know the basics – give yourself cushion to travel and arrive a few minutes early (10, not 30, even if this means sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes), dress nicely and neatly, smile, shake hands, turn off your cell phone. But what about when it comes to the actual questions? I worked in a recruitment office for awhile, and still work closely with recruiters in the US – so here is some advice from Old Lady Lee on interviewing. Take it or leave it ;)

Have at least four experiences in your back pocket that you can comfortably and quickly talk about. Times where you excelled through hard work, accomplishments you’ve had. Ideally, these will be in the context of whatever you’re interviewing for (work experiences for work interview, school experiences for school interview) but it’s okay to have 1 or 2 that aren’t. Be able to talk, SUCCINCTLY, about how those experiences allowed you to demonstrate:

Time management

Leadership

Problem-solving

Communication

Those are super common behavioral-based topics. And if you have a teeny bit of a script, you have a starting point to flex if they ask you about prioritization (similar to time management!), persuasion (similar to leadership!), using your best judgement, etc. etc. Talk about them EQUALLY. If you use the same experience for every question they will think you’re a one-trick pony. The reason you’re being asked questions like this is because most companies believe the best predictor of future performance is past performance, so if their work environment is fast-paced or full of prioritization, they want to know how you’ve handled that in the past.

Use the STAR approach to answering – Situation, Task, Action, Result

This helps your answers stay focused. If they ask you ‘tell me about a time where you demonstrated initiative’ you can say ‘Once I had a group project for XYZ class’ (Situation) ‘We had to do a group presentation on ABC topic’ (Task) ‘I felt encouraged to do something out of the box, so rather than just do a traditional powerpoint, I persuaded my team to do an interactive skit. I took the initiative to write the script early, presented it to them for feedback, and worked with them on revisions’ (Action you took) ‘The teacher really enjoyed that we took a risk, and rewarded us with a high grade. From that experience, I learned  about (working with different personalities, time management, taking calculated risks)’ (Result of the action you took). Practice these kinds of answers with your four-five situations from above. Google ‘behavior-based interview questions’ as a starting place.

Use their language

Shakespeare used to do this! Open up a conversation between Romeo and Juliet, and you’ll see that they constantly use words the other one used in the sentences prior – showing that they are listening and on the same page. Contrast that to Juliet and her mother, where hardly any verbiage overlaps, which shows they are not listening and communicating on the same wavelength. This is especially valuable in written applications, but applies verbally as well. Don’t be…blatant or gratuitous, just keep it in mind. If they ask you about a time when you problem-solved, use the phrase ‘I solved the problem’ at some point. Again, practice helps.

Take a deep breath I mean that literally. Silence is never, ever as long as it feels in your head. Seriously! If you need a second, it’s okay to say, “Gosh, good question, can I have a second to consider it?” or you can repeat the question back to buy a few seconds to think “A time when I motivated others? Let me see.” Your interviewers know this is stressful and hard, and most of them are sympathetic to that. Especially if you are young and this a first job outta school and such. Get your oxygen and then go. (If they’re a jerk? Sign maybe you don’t wanna be there – you get to evaluate fit from them just like they’re evaluating fit from you). No matter how much you prepare, they will ask you something that makes you go blank for a sec. Know that’s gonna happen, and know it’s gonna be okay! Breathe, think through STAR, and speak.

BE HONEST – but not extensive DO NOT I repeat DO NOT give a BS false compliment answer to ‘what is your greatest weakness’ (by which I mean ‘oh gosh I just work too hard’ or “I’m just too much of a perfectionist”) Just don’t. DON’T DO IT. Your interviewer, if they have EVER interviewed ANYONE, will see through it and will have to make a great effort to not wrinkle their nose at you. Give a real, thoughtful, and SHORT answer. One. Do not launch into a self-deprecating list. Maybe you struggle with finishing details, or communicating peer-to-peer, or maybe your just straight up don’t have enough experience. Be honest. AND THEN SPIN IT to a POSITIVE FUTURE. “I’m great at the bulk 90%, but I struggle with that last 10% of details. But I’ve been learning from my detail-oriented peers, and I’m working on partnering with them more to improve my ability to see what they see, something I would continue in a new environment”  Or “I don’t have large-scale experience with a company this size, but I feel my experiences in the classroom/with the smaller business will translate well, and I’m a quick learner, so I think this can be overcome in a reasonable amount of time.” Tell them how you are actively working to overcome that weakness. And always, always be honest. You will BOTH regret it later if you’re not. If they ask you if you like working in a fast-paced environment and you lie, you’ll all be miserable in six months. It can be very easy to fall prey to the panic of ‘gotta get a job’ but – maybe one more interview for the right fit is worth it, or you’re just wasting time and will have to repeat this all later, with the bonus of explaining why you left a new job a few months in.

It’s all sunshine and roses – even when it wasn’t Never, ever, ever say anything negative about a prior boss or coworker. I don’t care if your previous boss sacrificed kittens to capitalism, don’t do it. This is the one place where it’s okay to flex or omit the full story. Again, don’t lie, just pick a different focus, ideally, a positive about the new place. For example, “Why did you leave your last job” - rather than say ‘because my boss was a JERK’ say ‘I wanted to move towards an opportunity where I could better use my skills in communication paired with my interest in saving the whales, which is why I am grateful for the chance to speak with you about this position, which nicely dovetails those things”. This gets TRICKY when it’s stuff like ‘tell me about a time when you fought with a coworker’ but again you can spin it to ‘we both learned how to communicate’ or what have you. ALWAYS go neutral over negative and don’t make it about money.

Know Thyself

They’ve read your resume and/or application. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be there! So when someone asks you ‘tell me about yourself’ (AND THEY WILL) don’t recite your resume (I went to school for ABC, I worked in ZYX doing 123). Instead of ‘I went to school for…’ say ‘I studied [topic] because I’ve always had a passion for…’ don’t go totally off topic (if you ONLY talk about your community charity hobby, they will wonder if you have any interest in working) but weave in that stuff that makes you you that didn’t make it on the paper. They won’t ask you these questions, but ask yourself, and know the answers because these are good things to talk about--

What motivates you?

What energizes you?

What do you wish you were doing more of?

What are you passionate about?

What brings you joy?

What does a good day at work look like? What will you have accomplished?

What working environment excites you?

How do you communicate?

How do you know you’ve done a good job?

Ask them questions back

This shows interest and engagement and honestly, YOU are interviewing them too!! Ask about what they enjoy about working/studying there. Ask them what a typical project looks like. Ask what a typical work week looks like. Ask about successes from the department. Ask about the team and what they do well. Ask about the working environment and culture. Ask what questions THEY would ask if they were in your shoes. Ask what you feel is most important for someone in the role to have or do to support them. Have at LEAST one question ready – but better to have around 3 in case they answer it pre-emptively.

Let them talk

Listen! Liiiiisten! Listen when they answer, listen when they ask, listen when they talk. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking about your scenarios or how you have to answer or how much you want this – and you’ll miss something. Take it one question at a time. DO NOT be thinking of what you will say next while they’re talking (this is hard, hahahaa)

Smile, you did it!

Thank your interviewer, and even if it went massively badly – remember everything is a positive ;) you have a new ‘tell me about a time you failed’ answer, with the spin of ‘I learned a lot to help me work through the nerves and prepare for the next time’.

BREATHE. SMILE. YOU GOT THIS.

If you follow me, I’m always free for a practice interview if you want.

[craigrcannon]

Employee #1: Yahoo

Employee #1 is a series of interviews focused on sharing the often untold stories of early employees at tech companies.

Tim was the first employee at Yahoo, its Chief Product Officer for eight years, and is now a partner at YC, so we thought it would be fitting to kick things off with him.

Discussed: Meeting the Founders, Writing Yahoo’s Business Plan, Leaving Harvard Business School Early, Creating the Banner Ad, Yahoo’s First Ad Sales, Being an Early Employee After a Management Change, and Founder vs. Early Employee Differences.

Craig : What did you do before Yahoo?

Tim : Before Yahoo, I learned that I preferred working at small companies. I really didn’t think of it as entrepreneurship at that point. My first work experience out of school was at Motorola – a big company. And at the time, in the early ’90s, Motorola was held up as a model of a well-run company. Every business magazine at the time portrayed Motorola up as the ideal.

I went there with a positive attitude. The work was interesting. It was rewarding and intellectually challenging. But after a few months, I remember looking at my boss and my boss’ boss, and my boss’ boss’ boss, and saying to myself, “You know what? I don’t want any of their jobs.” I saw how they spent their time and didn’t find it interesting or very rewarding. They spent their time managing meetings and office politics.

This wasn’t my vision of what work was. To me, work was doing and making things and being able to see the fruits of that labor. At the end of the day or at least after a short period of time, I need to point to something and say to myself ‘that’s what I’ve been building.’

My experience in this big company was very different from that idea. If I rose up the managerial ranks in this big company, I could easy see myself going home and asking myself, “What did I do today?” and not having a very satisfying answer.

Craig : You couldn’t point at stuff.

Tim : That’s right. It‘s not that these managers weren’t doing things, but everything was so time inefficient. In big companies, time scales are longer. And the bullshit factor of office politics is high. For me, maintaining passion for your work when the feedback mechanism is that slow is difficult.

Once I internalized that big companies weren’t my cup of tea, I decided to go to business school in order to make a change.

Craig : But you ended up leaving Harvard Business School for Yahoo, right?

Tim : That’s right. I left in the middle of my second year. The whole point of going to business school was to figure out what I wanted to do and get exposed to a lot. The case study method was great for that.

I soon concluded that small companies were where I would thrive. I also thought that it would be great to work with friends. What could be more rewarding that working hard and doing something important with friends? And so here I was in business school thinking this when my friend Jerry Yang calls and says, “Hey, I want you to come out and join me and my co-founder start a company.”

Craig : That was the opportunity.

Tim : Exactly.

Craig : Just to rewind for a second, how did you guys meet?

Tim : Undergrad. Jerry and I were both double E’s [electrical engineers]. We spent 4 years studying together.

Craig : Cool. So Jerry calls and you’re thinking, “Oh, this might be it.” Did you know that Yahoo would be a thing, or did you just feel like this is a good first step?

Tim : The latter. I didn’t know it would be a big thing. Jerry came to visit me at the beginning of my second year at HBS. At the time he was a PhD student in EE at Stanford. He knew I was looking for a new job, and I told him, “I want something small.”

He called me a couple of months later and said, “Hey, a buddy of mine, my research partner and I started this thing. You should check it out,” and he showed me the world wide web for the first time. There was almost nothing online at that point, but I clearly remember a website company called Satchel.com, which published live sports scores.

I’m a sports junkie. So before I found this website, I used to sit and watch ESPN just for the score ticker that runs across the bottom of the screen. At the time, it only came on twice an hour. I was pathetic. I literally would just sit there and wait 30 minutes for the damn ticker to get the live score for Detroit Piston games. There was no other way.

Craig : Hahaha.

Tim : So Jerry showed me this site and I asked, “You mean I can just hit refresh and I get the live score instantly?” Okay, I got it.

Craig : That’s how you got the internet?

Tim : That’s how I got the internet.

Craig : That’s the best example I’ve ever heard.

Tim : After that, I was hooked. Jerry and his cofounder, David, had built a directory of the world wide web, which was finite at that point. Given where the internet is today, it’s hard to imagine. It was largely just double Es and technical folks posting their dissertations and sharing their papers. Only gradually did they make sites about their hobbies and quirky things, because they realized, “Hey, it doesn’t have to be just dissertations.” So Jerry and Dave started collecting these things and organizing them for everyone.

And so when Jerry called me at school, he said, “Hey, I have no idea if this is going to be big, but I know you’re looking for a job. So how about if you join David and me? Come out to Silicon Valley and get a regular 9 to 5 at a place like at SGI [Silicon Graphics], and then you can moonlight with us. And we’ll see where it goes.” I’m like, “Sounds good.”

Craig : And so where does this fall? Is this the summer before your second year?

Tim : No, this is November of my second year. And I’m thinking, “Sounds good. I’ll ramp up my job search in Silicon Valley, at SGI or Intel or wherever.”

Craig : Yeah, there are plenty of places like that.

Tim : Yes, plenty of places. But that’s also the time when internet usage started to take off.

A couple weeks later Jerry calls me and says, “Hey, we’re going to go raise some money. We need a business plan. Can you help us write a business plan?”

So I flew out to Stanford for Christmas break. I spent two weeks with them, wrote the business plan, then went back to school. They took the business plan, which they probably really didn’t need, it was mostly just a formality at that point, and they raised money from Sequoia Capital.

But in those two weeks I learned a ton from them about the opportunity and put it into a business plan format.

Again, that was about the same time that internet usage started to take off. So a couple weeks after I returned to school, Jerry called and said, “Ah, you know what? This thing is taking off. It might not be a moonlighting job by the time you graduate. It might be a full-time gig.” I’m like, “Fine by me.”

Craig : That just saved me time.

Tim : Exactly, I wouldn’t have to look for another job.

So a few weeks later Jerry calls and says, “Sequoia is going to give us money and we’re going to go for it.” I’m thinking,

“That’s awesome. I’m in. I will see you in June right after graduation.”

Two weeks later, Mike Moritz, a partner at Sequoia, calls me, “Tim, we have a problem.” “I’ll be out after my graduation on June 8th. What’s the problem?”

“We don’t need you in June.”

“Huh? Jerry said I’m in. What’s changed?”

“Well, this ship is sailing. You either need to get on now or don’t bother coming.”

“What’s that mean?”

“We need you in February, not June. Your position will be filled by June.”

So I’m like, “I’m in.”

Craig : Wow. So you just ditched business school?

Tim : It was a little more involved than that. It included a very uncomfortable phone call with my parents, who paid for business school. Luckily, I did end up graduating.

Craig : Nice. So what was your day-to-day when you moved out?

Tim : It was whatever needed to be done. I was an EE, but the other three were all more technical than me. They hired me as the business person so I had to do all the operations and business stuff – including figuring out if there was even an ad market. No one had ever sold advertising on the Internet.

Craig : So advertising was the clear strategy from the very beginning for you. That was in the business plan.

Tim : That was in the business plan. I shouldn’t say that nobody had sold ads online before though. Other people had sold advertising on the Internet, but not at scale and not as their primary business.

I think it was Wired Magazine that was the first one to sell an ad online. So there were the beginnings of something, but Wired was an offline magazine company. It wasn’t their primary business. There wasn’t much else being sold online.

So we came up with the traditional banner ad size that still exists today and tried to figure out how to sell it. At the time, the only people that used the Internet were traditionalists. And what I mean by that is the internet was used exclusively for the non-commercial sharing of information at the time. The idea of commercializing the internet wasn’t accepted by the very people using the internet. Of course, the number of people and the demographics of those people were rapidly changing.

Craig : So your job was to shift how that community was thinking or bring other people online or both?

Tim : Both.

Craig : And so you are cold calling people to sell ads? What were you doing?

Tim : Jerry and I tried to figure out the business side of things and we quickly realized that we were not the best people to sell ads. So we hired an outside agency in L.A. and convinced them to try to sell ads on the internet.

We decided we’ll sell every page on our site, except the home page, to five advertisers for a million bucks a pop. That made us $5,000,000, but they were the same 5 ads on the site for an entire month. Our users hated it.

Craig : What was the traffic at that point?

Tim : I can’t remember the exact number, but it was a double digit percentage of the traffic on the web. It was a big number.

Once we got advertising going, I was thinking, “Oh my god, we’re in the ad business. I’m an engineer, not an ad sales guy. As much as I’d love to pull an ad sales guy out of me, I’m not that guy.”

Jerry realized he wasn’t an ad sales guy either so we hired a CEO, a guy by the name of Tim Koogle. He came on in August of 1995 and helped us build an ad-supported media company. But that was a full seven months after I got there. Traffic on the site was growing at an amazing rate, but we were really struggling to build an organization that could keep up with the growth.

We knew we were on to something potentially really, really big and we knew we didn’t have enough experience to execute it alone.

Craig : So what interests me is throughout this phase it sounds like because you’re buddies with the founders and you’re sort of treated as this co-founder-type guy. How did that dynamic work?

Tim : Jerry and David were the founders and when a big decision needed to be made, like who to raise money from, they would lock themselves in a room and come back with a decision. That said, the day-to-day operational decisions were all made by consensus at the time. There were four of us, and in that sense, I certainly felt like a co-founder.

Craig : After you closed those first ad sales were you all still freaking out over if this would be viable to not?

Tim : It was probably a full year of discomforting uncertainty. Even after we brought Tim Koogle in, it wasn’t a sure thing. The Internet was a sure thing but Yahoo wasn’t a sure thing. It probably took until the end of ’95 to guarantee that.

Craig : Interesting. Did how you feel about the company change as you scaled?

Tim : Nope. I was all in the whole time.

Craig : How long did you stick around?

Tim : I was there until 2003.

Craig : How was it to ride that wave, especially when the bottom fell out in 2000?

Tim : When things are going well and you’re in a growth industry, you don’t have to deal with many difficult issues. It’s the old cliche, winning solves everything.

Craig : For sure.

Tim : It’s really true. It solves everything… or maybe better said, it masks all your mistakes. A lot of the mistakes you make get masked because you receive almost no negative feedback.

But then the bottom fell out and the board let Tim Koogle go. The upper ranks of management emptied out pretty quick, except for me and the CTO who stuck around. We got a new CEO and set of peers in upper management. Let me just say, I learned a whole lot more about business on the way down than I did on the way up.

Craig : When you think back on your time at Yahoo, how do you feel about it?

Tim : Well, I definitely made some of my closest friends there. I compare them to childhood friends. I can pick up the phone and call any of 50 people and talk to them as if no time had passed. It’s a pretty cool feeling.

Craig : That’s really neat.

Tim : It was formative in so many different ways. Granted it was early in my career, but then again most of the entrepreneurs at YC are early in their careers, too. It’s this intense experience where for the first time in your life where you’re defining your own test and seeing if you measure up. You find out a lot about yourself in that environment.

Craig : I imagine it really builds confidence.

Tim : It does.

It was certainly career defining. The financial success was nice, but it was way more than that. The entire process helps define who you are, what you’re good at, what you want to do, and what you think is important.

Craig : When it does work out for someone in your shoes, I feel like it really helps solidify your belief in how you understand people and markets.

I’ve been wondering if through these interviews we’ll find a strong correlation between early employees and people who are good investors. The way I see it, someone like you, you’re like, “Ok, good people, good product, and I can add value. I’m in.” Founders might be much more singularly focused. You know what I mean?

Tim : I do.

I guess Imagine K12 is the exception because that was my idea with Geoff, but Yahoo wasn’t my idea and QuestBridge wasn’t my idea. It was me recognizing a good idea and then being able to contribute to it, and I did that twice in a row. Even with Imagine K12, you could say, “Well, PG is really the one that kind of defined how to help companies… I just applied it in a different realm.”

Craig : Yeah, exactly.

Tim : But I guess you could say that about almost any idea.

I’ve never felt like an idea had to be mine in order for me to be passionate about it or want to contribute. I hope that helps me be a better advisor and investor.

Craig : I think whatever that quality is, that is the exact differentiator between the person who needs to start something and the person who’s comfortable accepting risk but will work on someone else’s idea.

Tim : You think so?

Craig : I think it can be easier to do your own thing, even if it’s a bad idea, because it feels cooler.

Tim : I think there’s social cache to starting your own company now. Back in the 90s, it wasn’t like that. There was no social backdrop to it. You didn’t go to bars and talk about it.

On one hand, I guess it could be seen as a lack of confidence to not do your own thing. But on the other hand, it could be seen as not letting your ego get in the way of recognizing a good idea. I can see both sides and honestly, I don’t know where the truth lies.

For me, my sweet spot is when I can say, “That’s a great idea. It’s just getting started. Count me in.”

[seablu]

Do all plz

idk why i didn’t expect this, you’ve done this for years??

1) Sexuality?attracted exclusively to @manilla-folder

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?there’s so many options but probably my past self, if that counts

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.there’s only one line on page 23 and it says “i want to kiss the autumn colors” which fits so well cause today’s the first day of october!

4) What do you think about most?@manilla-folder

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Yonkers is lit”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?without

7) What’s your strangest talent?being bad at everything

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)girls are probably really nice to have around and i want to try to befriend more of them. boys kinda scare me but they’re cool sometimes.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?not that i know of, no

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?today!

11) Do you have any strange phobias?no, not really

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?ummm probably at some point?

13) What’s your religion?i accidentally joined a rastafarian church yesterday so

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?sitting in the sun because i’m cold, or walking to class

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind, i love taking pictures but i hate having my picture taken

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?i really like the japanese house lately

17) What was the last lie you told?i said i was not crying when i totally was

18) Do you believe in karma?i’m not sure actually

19) What does your URL mean?i knew what it meant right after i picked it but i honestly have no idea now

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?my greatest weakness is all the fears i have, my greatest strength is probably my drive and perseverance.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?ross butler & josh dun ♥️♥️

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yes i have, and it is a fantastic story

23) How do you vent your anger?i never really take it out on anyone or anything but i write messages i know i won’t send & delete them later lol

24) Do you have a collection of anything?polaroid photos that i’ve taken!

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?it depends but usually talking on the phone cause i don’t like my face lol

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?i’m not done becoming that person yet but i’m happy with the progress i’ve made

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i hate the sound of people’s silverware squeaking really loud against a plate; i love the sound of the ocean

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i actually accomplish my goals and i don’t completely fail, wow

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?not sure about ghosts but aliens for sure

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.my laptop with the right & the wall with the left

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?the lotion i put on this morning, it smells like cherry blossoms 🌸

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?ringling oklahoma

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?west!!!!

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?matty healy

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?i’m not sure yet

36) Define Art.i see art in everything so i couldn’t possibly define it

37) Do you believe in luck?not really but sometimes

38) What’s the weather like right now?kinda chilly but very sunny and nice

39) What time is it?1:50pm

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yes & yes but it was super minor

41) What was the last book you read?the perks of being a wallflower lol

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?very faintly, yes

43) Do you have any nicknames?i have like 400 and i hate them all

44) What was the last movie you saw?the last movie i saw that i hadn’t seen before was wonder woman

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?just a broken nose (twice)

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?yes!

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?day planning lol

48) What’s your sexual orientation?see #1

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?absolutely

50) Do you believe in magic?i’m not sure

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?sometimes, it just depends on who they are to me and what they did

52) What is your astrological sign?cancer-leo cusp

53) Do you save money or spend it?i used to spend it but now i save it

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?two college japanese books

55) Love or lust?love, duh

56) In a relationship?yes!

57) How many relationships have you had?two, i’m currently in my second one

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?no :(

59) Where were you yesterday?at work in san francisco

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?nope

61) Are you wearing socks right now?nope

62) What’s your favorite animal?i love otters and dogs

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?literally nothing

64) Where is your best friend?in oklahoma

65) Spit or swallow?(;https://youtu.be/xoWEQLpBoE0

66) What is your heritage?i don’t really know tbh

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?coming home from work

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?trump

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?y

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yes tbh

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?oh my god fuck work i’m saving the dog

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) i’d only tell my family & like 2 othersb) spend it with the people i lovec) of course

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.love

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?oui

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?1780

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication, understanding, commitment & a lot of hard work

77) How can I win your heart?be @manilla-folder

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?absolutely

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i��m not sure yet

80) What size shoes do you wear?8

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?the lyrics to mans not hot

82) What is your favorite word?blue

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.soul

84) What is a saying you say a lot?“if you never shoot you’ll never know”

85) What’s the last song you listened to?chanel by frank ocean

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?light pink, sky blue, peach & tan

87) What is your current desktop picture?the ocean

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?probably kim jong-un tbh

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?this one

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?go back to sleep lmao

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?teleportation 100%

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?@manilla-folder the parking garage

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?i know what it is but i don’t wanna describe it

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?josh dun

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?oklahoma to see my boyfriend

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?no i don’t think so

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?i haven’t

98) Ever been on a plane?so many times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?pls stop treating each other like shit, thanks

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[ahnsael]

Had another manager quit yesterday. Unlike the last one, who gave two weeks notice and worked those two weeks, this one went from “Hi I’m here for my shift” to “take this job and shove it” in the span of three hours. I woke up to a text from the boss asking me to call him when I got up.

So it looks like instead of covering one swing shift per week as the boss and I discussed before the other manager’s scheduled last day I’ll be covering three swing shifts, and then working graveyard on the other graveyard manager’s nights off.

Sleep schedule? What sleep schedule?

But oh well. We have a person who could potentially be promoted to management, and has interviewed for it, but he hasn’t been with us for 90 days yet and nothing can happen as far as switching his position until he hits 90 days and gets his first performance review.

And we’ll be at a job fair early in May, so maybe we’ll find someone there.

After all, they found me when I applied literally right after another manager stepped down and they were desperate to fill the position, and I was fast-tracked into the position, and the company seems pleased with me, so there’s precedent for lucking into a good manager right when you need one.

Oh, and we got to call the cops last night. Good times. There’s a younger (but over-21) couple who come in fairly frequently, but we suspect that they’re drug dealers. They aren’t doing it in the casino, as far as we know, but we’d rather them not do it in the parking lot across the street, either, which is what we think (but haven’t been able to prove) that they’re doing, because they show up, and then every once in a while one of the two will leave, get something out of their car, and then go across the street to meet someone (or drive down about a block and park by another car and then talk to the person in that car) and then come back.

This morning two BIG dudes came in and went directly to the guy portion of the couple, and then one of the big dudes and the suspected dealer went outside. It looked like a deal was going down, so I grabbed the other manager and explained what was going on.

We watched. And we weren’t shy about being SEEN watching (before working with this other graveyard manager [who used to be a prison officer in Texas] I would have tried to be sneaky; but now I figure I can just be blatant because either (a) I’ll have a better view of what happens, or (b) it won’t happen at all because they know I’m watching).

The two argued for a while in front of the casino, and the big dude was getting very visibly animated and upset and loud. I honestly thought he was going to deck the (much smaller) suspected dealer. And the other manager said he knew the guy, and that he had quite a temper.

So we called the sheriff’s department and explained the situation, and requested just a friendly walk-through of the casino to show their presence (we also dropped the name of the suspected dealer, because every deputy in the county knows the name; they’re just biding their time to try to catch the higher-ups in the operation at the same time they get this guy).

And it seems there’s a new shipment from California in town. We had those REALLY shady characters Sunday night/Monday morning (who reeked of marijuana -- which is legal in Nevada now, but not for use in public). The manager who walked off the job yesterday? She had called the cops that night and gotten a death-glare from one of the ruffians, so I walked her to her car while walking as if I had any game at all when it comes to fighting (I’m a lover, not a fighter, and I don’t even love well, apparently, as I’ve been single for almost 8½ years -- but I’m an even worse fighter).

But back to this morning.

We hadn’t seen anything illegal happen and were honest about that with the dispatcher, but deputies have told us many times that they’re happy to drop by any time we want to show a little extra security/law enforcement presence to keep things in check that have the potential to become not-in-check. And likewise, we’ve told them that they’re welcome to drop in any time, whether we’ve called them or not, and walk through the building and have some complimentary coffee or soda or whatever they want that isn’t alcohol.

I’m still amazed that for the first time in my life I’m getting along with my local police; I have no criminal record (if I had, the casino would have found out when the FBI ran a background check on me to see if I qualified for a gaming card in Nevada); I’ve just never gotten along with cops before. But we’re generally on the same side, at least when I’m at work.

Deputies arrived and spoke to both people who were outside. A smaller young guy who had been in the casino for hours, but who had said hello and sat down next to suspected-dealer-boy when he saw him in the casino, suddenly got REALLY nervous when he saw cops. Big dude that had gone outside was angry that the cops were there (we couldn’t hear him through two sets of doors, but his gestures told the story). He gave ME a hell of a death glare at one point, and I just smiled back, because (a) I had a good reason to have the cops there, as they were causing a disturbance right outside our doors, and (b) I knew that the cops wouldn’t stand for him doing anything (and of the deputy talking to him, my fellow manager said “I’ve known him for YEARS. He may look slow and a little fat, but I promise, he could take every one of these people out by himself without touching his gun or even his taser”).

Meanwhile, other big dude is playing a machine inside, completely oblivious to everything that’s happening just outside (he couldn’t see the doors from where he was sitting). And small young guy is just pacing back and forth, and going up to his friend (who was ready to leave) and telling him that he wanted to stay inside the casino a bit longer (he didn’t want to go out there with cops out there).

So the deputy who had been talking to big dude comes in, we shake his hand, and he offers to tell them to call it a night -- that we’re not 86ing them from the casino, but that they need to go home and come back when they have clearer heads and aren’t angry. We agreed to that. No paperwork for us...and while we suspect this guy of being a dealer, we have no proof, and he’s generally nice to us when he’s in the building, so yeah...you’re welcome back tomorrow, but for now why don’t you call it a night.

Big dude went ballistic. I honestly thought he was going to cross the line and get arrested, but he never did more than wild gestures as he argued (and gave me that death glare again). He never did anything to deserved being arrested, so I was glad to see the deputies show restraint (in L.A. cops probably woulda shot him -- maybe that restraint, which I’ve seen several times from this department, is why I actually get along with these cops).

Suspected dealer-guy came back in to tell big dude’s other big dude friend that they had to go (again, while we think this guy’s up to no good, and watch him closely, we’re gonna continue to be nice to him until he gives us a reason not to be), and I approached him and apologized for asking him to leave (through the deputy), but that it just looked bad to have this altercation in front of the casino, and told him that the reason we called the cops is because it looked like bug dude was getting ready to deck him and I didn’t want that to happen (that was honestly part of it, but we were kind of hoping the cops would show up in the middle of a drug deal).

Suspected dealer-boy’s girlfriend, when she left with them, dug through her trunk for a while, and I watched. She’s not as nice to us as he is, and I was half expecting her to pull out a shotgun or something, but I didn’t see what it was that she grabbed (maybe she needed a fix before driving off?). Then she got in the driver’s seat and they drove away.

But after big-dude’s death glares, we told our lone security guard to be on the lookout for any of them returning this morning. And if they did, not to approach them (especially big dude) or say anything, but to just let us know that they were back. They didn’t come back, though.

But yeah...between losing two managers, a keno runner, the drop team issues where I had to change every security guard’s schedules to facilitate the one (who used to be a manager, the one I replaced, who went back to security but is VERY good at what he does in security) who had to come in and watch for violations of policy/regulations, the two police calls on two consecutive nights (the one before last night was made by the “take this job and shove it” manager the night before)...it’s been a week.

And I may have more of these weeks to come, now that we’re short on keno staff, short on managers, have a couple of bartenders AND a couple of casino attendants who are on very thin ice...yeah. I’m living in interesting times.

But I’m still probably about 2000% better off than I was a year ago. I know “may you live in interesting times” is a curse, but...as bored as I was and as useless as I felt a year ago (and for several years before that when I couldn’t find a job), I think these “interesting times” are a better place to be, even if more stressful.

Let’s do this. Let’s see what I’m made of. Let’s see how much of this I can take before I fold, so I’ll at least know my limits (or maybe I won’t fold, and will know that my limits are beyond what I would have guessed -- after all, I feel VERY needed right now at work, and that’s a hell of a motivation over the usual “they could get anyone to do this job so I’m not that important” feelings).

My mom told me last night, when I told her about the phone call with the boss before work, that I just became “indispensable.” Granted, there are realistic limits to indispensability. If I were to do something dumb enough (like pocket money that doesn’t belong to me, or 

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 342 - 348

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-TWO

8:00 AM - I am so tired. Holy cow.

8:30 AM - I make it to work on time (we have to be here at 8:30 on Mondays) and I kind of feel terrible. I make my assistant and I coffee and I toast a piece of bread.

9:00 AM - I call Guitar Center because I need to authorize the charge I made last week for the mixer I’ve been saving up for. The charge won’t hit my account until the product is shipped so I have a couple weeks before recording this charge in this diary.

10:00 AM - I make a new goal in Simple for a king sized bed and frame. I’ll put my DJ money in this specific goal and after I buy my CR-V, I’ll put $100-200 of my savings into this goal every month depending on what my car payment ends up being. I set the goal for January 1, 2019 with the hopes that if I don’t have all the money saved up by then that I’ll pay for the rest with my bonus.

12:00 PM - I walk to Sprouts and buy 3 avocados, a cucumber, two lite goddess dressings, a bag of potato chips, grape tomatoes, kale, an onion, and a chocolate bar. $15.34

4:58 PM - I stop in and get Blaze pizza for dinner on my way home. They’re doing a promo where if you stop in before 5:00, you get a $5 pizza with the purchase of a drink. $7.84

5:30 PM - I hang out with my dog and watch the new season of Love while I eat.

7:30 PM - I head to IKEA. I buy candles, a few plates to hold the candles in, a wooden board for charcuterie, and a small pitcher. $66.38

9:00 PM - I set up all the new candles and my living room looks rad. I pour myself a glass of wine and continue to watch Love.

2:00 AM - I finish the third season in one sitting. Whoops.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-TWO TOTAL: $89.56

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE

9:15 AM - I arrive at work and make coffee for me and my colleague.

12:00 PM - I eat some green chili chips. Today is one of those days where I really want to not eat at the office but I bought so much stuff yesterday that I can’t really justify it.

12:45 PM - I open a tangerine La Croix and make a salad for lunch. I’m not sure about the intensity of this goddess dressing. I feel like the vinegar is tearing apart every part of my mouth.

3:30 PM - My colleague and I are working alone today and we decide to get froyo. $4

5:00 PM - I arrive home from work and am feeling terrible. I have a really good conversation with my mom about how I might be wasting my time at work since the flow’s been so slow for the past year and a half and I’m wondering how much longer I can take it.

6:00 PM - I eat leftover bbq jackfruit and coleslaw but I know I’ll be hungry later. I also browse amazon / the internet for a few ingredients so I can start making my own vegan cheese. I buy kappa carrageenan and lactic acid powder from a weird marketplace but it’s $15 cheaper than amazon. $21.97

7:00 PM - I meet a friend for a glass of wine at Gracie’s. I buy myself a glass of wine and it comes in like a 6 ounce container. I feel like I keep striking out here for some reason. Wish I liked beer better. $7

10:15 PM - I drop my friend off at home and realize that I’m starving. We don’t really have food at home for meals right now so I stop at Del Taco and order a small fry and an 8 layer veggie burrito with no cheese or sour cream. $5.73

11:00 PM - I finish watching Vanderpump Rules and then head to bed.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE TOTAL: $38.70

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR

8:15 AM - I peel myself out of bed and hop in the shower.

9:00 AM - I roll into work around the same time as my colleague. I make us coffee and skip the toast.

10:00 AM - I discover Amazon has a deal for trying all of the Bubly seltzer. I buy a pack of 18 for $11. $12.49

11:00 AM - I’m knee deep in some illustrator work so I much on some green chili chips at my desk.

12:00 PM - I’m out of kale, so I run to Sprouts super quick to pick some up. I feel really good about only buying kale! $0.89

12:30 PM - I make my salad with the leftover tomatoes, onion, avocado, cucumber, and goddess dressing and open up my last can of tangerine La Croix. I finish my salad and enjoy a sea salt dark chocolate square.

3:00 PM - I head over to an appointment I have with an otorhinolaryngologist. It takes a while for them to call me back. $85

5:00 PM - I leave the doctor with some heaviness in my heart. It appears that my ears are probably fucked. As a consolation to myself, I run next door to Whole Foods and buy a bottle of wine, natural Pringles (spoiler alert: they’re terrible), a piece of vegan pizza, Field Roast mini corn dogs, and a 6 pack of peach seltzer. $32.62

6:00 PM - I eat the pizza and preheat the oven for my corn dogs and pour myself a glass of wine. Today is stupid.

7:00 PM - I literally spend the rest of my night looking at my phone. I fall asleep talking to a friend via Facebook chat around midnight.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR TOTAL: $131.00

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-FIVE

9:30 AM - I roll into work a little late today, but I’m the only one here. I make coffee for my assistant who is coming late today and a piece of toast.

10:00 AM - I venmo my sister money for our hair and makeup for the wedding. $150

11:00 AM - I get a text from my boyfriend and he says he’ll be heading home this afternoon. Makes me feel bad because I really haven’t had the motivation to clean our house before he arrives home.

12:00 PM - Our coworker picks us up and we all go out to lunch. I wouldn’t normally do this, but she took the week off and is bored and wants company. I oblige. We go to Handcut and I get a cocktail, a burger, and fries. I kind of needed the drink from last night’s news, but am kicking myself for spending $30 on lunch! Tomorrow I will eat salad like a good girl. $33

4:30 PM - I leave work early and head home.

6:00 PM - I pick up my boyfriend’s prescription on my way home. $5.94

7:00 PM - We order JJ for dinner. Boyfriend pays.

9:00 PM - We watch a doc on Netflix about doping in the Olympics and how Russia cheated the system every year.

11:00 PM - Bed.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-FIVE TOTAL: $188.94

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-SIX

9:00 AM - Coffee and toast.

11:30 AM - My boss takes us out to lunch at Bevvy. I get a veggie burger and a beer. He pays!

4:00 PM - I stop at QT on the way home from work and get gas and a bottle of Gatorade. $28.91

7:00 PM - My boyfriend orders us Jimmy Johns for dinner.

9:30 PM - I stop at Cartel for a tea before going out. Friends are working so it’s free.

10:00 PM - I meet a new friend, E, and my BFF at The Van Buren for PAO. I get a rose and we hang for some of their set. $12

12:00 AM - E, BFF, and I head over to Rebel to catch my DJ Friend and the guy I played the Bowie night with tear up the dancefloor. BFF buys me a drink.

2:30 AM - I drop everyone off and arrive at home and fall asleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-SIX TOTAL: $40.91

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-SEVEN

10:00 AM - I can’t believe I’m awake. Boyfriend and I head to Cartel. He buys coffee and I don’t get anything.

11:00 AM - We grab brunch at Gallo Blanco. I get an iced tea and pozole. He gets a breakfast burrito and we split chips. I pay. $27

12:00 PM - We head out to Home Depot to buy some stuff for the yard. Boyfriend pays for the tools.

12:30 PM - Next, we hit up Tempe Marketplace and go to Petsmart to get Katy Perry’s dog food. $43.23

1:00 PM - Target’s next. I get toothpaste, dish detergent, countertop spray, and spatulas. $24.70

2:00 PM - We arrive home and I finish the rest of my pozole and then we head outside to pull weeds.

4:00 PM - I take a nap.

6:30 PM - I take a shower and eat noodles for dinner.

7:30 PM - My friend E stops by my house and we head to Rebel for Shopping & French Vanilla. I stop by Cartel to grab a tea before heading out. $5.25

8:30 PM - The show is amazing. I’ve been looking forward to this night for like three months. Both bands are super energetic and amazing and basically everything I ever want to be. E buys me a drink for getting her into the show.

10:30 PM - And it’s 90’s Nite! I light up the dancefloor. People lose their minds and start a conga line when I play Vengaboys.

2:00 AM - I close out with Donna Lewis, collect my $200 and head out.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-SEVEN TOTAL: $100.18

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT

9:00 AM - Boyfriend lowkey drags me out of bed. I buy us coffee from Cartel. $10.75

9:30 AM - He buys us bagels from Einstein’s.

10:00 AM - We run to AZ Mills and I buy a neon yellow hoodie from the nike outlet ($15.12) and a Charlie Conway replica jersey from the Mighty Ducks. ($86.48) $101.60

11:00 AM - We head back home and I pull records for a thing I’m playing later this afternoon. I also order us JJ for lunch. $17.99

2:00 PM - I arrive at my friend’s backyard, unload all my stuff, and start playing.

7:00 PM - The event was really fun. Everyone stayed for a while and drank coffee. I had a lot of fun and I’m glad I was asked to be a part of it. Friend Venmos me $30 for helping out.

9:00 PM - Boyfriend and I run to the grocery store. I get a couple cans of salsa, a few tomatoes, an onion, some cilantro, pasta, cream cheese, salad dressing, and a few big sur breakfast burritos. $26.43

9:30 PM - I make pasta, bread, and shitty salad for me and my boyfriend for dinner.

10:00 PM - In bed.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT TOTAL: $156.77

[slyni-sparklyeyeshadow-blog]

*Sparkly Eyeshadow*

So, my day started a few hours later than everyone providing a service to the world. Right now, I am in grad school and it has taken its toll on me. Always tired, always stressed, and always (sometimes) studying. My anxiety has been off the charts since starting grad school. It's so not my personality.. so serious. At least during my one-year in the real working world without having mom and dad rescue me at rent-time, I was always around people talking, laughing, and throwing coworker frenemies under the bus when the boss got mad. Now, I am around classmates a few hours a dayor 30 ten-year-olds 40 hours a week. It's really hard to find a happy medium. Emphasis on the happy.

This morning, I hit snooze for an hour per usual and end up waking up at 8:30 instead of 7:30 to finish my paper that I was supposed to start last night. But my gosh, have you seen the Instagram Explore page? Sign me up for a perfect bod, unlimited cash flow, and a travel agent with a keen eye for exotic places.

 My point exactly. Already off track. I wake up and do my ten minutes of quiet time before anything else. *Alright, Ashlee.* I think. *You can do this.*

I get started and am amazed at how I rip through my first paragraph and how bomb my thesis is. Then I zip through the second paragraph and only ten minutes has passed by. I've realized I'm starving and my head is hurting because I have no coffee at the apartment. *Nope, not moving until you get this paper turned in.* So I'm typing and text my boyfriend good morning. Then I check to see if I have any Facebook and Insta notifications. And OH MY WORD I look terrible this morning! Need to wipe the coconut oil off before I Snap anyone. I wonder what filters there are today...

*Focus, Focus, Focus*

Back to the paper. It's fairly easy. At around 10:15 I get stuck because I am so hungry and am so mad at myself because I only have two paragraphs left. I talk myself into going to the Shell Station right around the Corner where I am pretty sure they think I live in the dumpsters with the cats. I look TERRIBLE when I go in there. Usually no make-up, hair pulled back, and my white vans that have more brown on them. I go. Today, I choose Java Monster because the Dunkin' Donuts Coffee I am obsessed with is 90 more calories than my 200 calorie Java Monster and Regina George and I really wanna lose 3 lbs. Like it really matters once I get a Peanut Butter Crunch Cliff bar... which is gone before I return to my apartment within walking distance.

So then I think to myself... it's almost 11. You have an appointment at 1. Why don't you just hop in the shower and fix up today? You look terrible. It'll do yourself some good. Maybe your head will even quit hurting. So I hop in and am already feeling like a productive person that will one day contribute to society. I get out and start my eye make up. *Remember this is the doctor, Ashlee. No silver metallic. Just white sparkles.*

 I line them and paint them and cannot find my eyeliner sharpener. Pretty sure I threw it away after sharpening a pencil and convincing myself that I would get lead poisoning if I sharpened my eyeliner in there, too. So the eye liner could be better today. *Just remember thin lining on top.* 30 minutes has passed by and I realize I need to get with it and this is the doctor's office on a Wednesday at 1:00 pm. Not New Year's Eve in Time Square. So I try to do my foundation "natural" and this means mixing a Mac foundation with Estee Lauder's DoubleWear Foundation. That's easy. Ain't no brown spots seen through that stuff. I blow dry my unruly hair made better with It's a 10 Keratin treatment and BOOM! Lightening strikes my car. Swear. My car alarm is going off. For some odd reason I hide in my closet a second and realize it is lightening. Not a tornado. Either way,  I think my reasoning was because I was far away from windows. Then the weekly panic phone call to mom goes through.

*Mother*

Yes, Ashlee.

*I think lightening struck my car.*

What?

*Like lightening just struck over the apartment and now my car alarm is going off. I think it hit my car.*

Oh, well it could have been the sound from the thunder was so loud, Ashlee. That happens. I don't think lightening would hit your car it's grounded with rubber tires.

*I'll check after the storm. If I touch my car will it shock me?*

No, Ashlee. It won't.

*K, bye. Love you.*

Love you.

 I show up to the doctor's office in white linen pants even though we may have multiple tornadoes today and got there 30 minutes early because my doctor has moved offices and I know finding this office will be like the blind leading the blind. If I know me, I'll find the nicest, youngest looking millennial receptionist that shares my over-reliance of Google Maps and even though she works there every day, she will STILL lead me to a Parking Deck across the clinic and not my doctor's office. 34 minutes later, it is now 1:04, I find my doctor's new office. Another patient and I apparently didn't get a memo or preferred automated message to let us know the office was closed that day. Really? There is an unfinished paper icon sitting on my desktop. That's another phone call crying to mom today. Bless his heart, it would have called my boyfriend but he has heard me cry over the phone every day this week and I am trying to let him think I am having the best, most productive sunshine filled day as possible.

How unprofessional of my doctor! This girl with no current profession makes sure to leave her med school graduated physician a message deeming her unprofessional. I would have threatened to find a new doctor but she has 4 stars online and I decide to keep her. I'm sure she would be so relieved...

*Well half of your day is gone but you can still turn it around. Go to Barnes and Nobles so you can finish your paper around people and not by yourself in your dark room. I go to Barnes and Nobles... finish my paper and knock out two other assigned readings. YES. Just time to get distracted again.

My sister calls. The people in Barnes and Nobles now know my nephew had staph infection on his foot two weeks ago and that my doctor is a dill hole and I could "literally be dying. OMG." I get a lot of looks. Some sympathizing. Some dirty. And decide to go print out the 383874298 pieces of paper my professor e-mailed us. Who needs trees? Not like they give us oxygen or anything.. I drive to Fed-Ex because I broke my printer while Youtubing a video about how to insert the cartridge. Did I mention it starts hailing on my drive? No where to pull over.. whatever. Just drive through it... SLOWLY of course.

At Fed-Ex, one lady is annoyed I e-mailed them with so many attachments to print. Yes, she should be furious with me. They are providing a service and I am PAYING them for it. Thankfully this guy that always gives me free printouts is there. (Okay, that happened one time). I smile at the lady when he offers to help me to let her know that I'm a good paying customer and have built better relationships with her team than she has. APPARENTLY. She literally could care less even though I feel I have really socked it to her.

- That'll be $4.39, Miss *Insert My Last Name*

-thinking to myself * Wow, so glad he can read my gmail account name*

- ALOUD * How is that only four dollars? I printed like a million pages.*

- Well, I guess it could be less. * HE SMILES *

- thinking to myself * EWW. this is why you don't need to wear sparkly eye shadow. You totally send off the wrong message about your future aspirations. *

- I actually respond "Oh! Thank YOU!" He asks how my day goes and I immediately spill the beans about my car getting struck by both lightening and hail and he ensures me I can stay at FedEx as long as I need to.

- thinking to myself *GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!*

- I actually LAUGH and pretend I didn't hear him. "Thank you so much. Stay safe."

So I return to Barnes and Nobles in the hailstorm and continue to read while occasionally looking at the window. A security car has gone by a few times and the driver keeps making eye contact with me. *Really? Is this eye shadow so shiny he can see it through the window?* He keeps staring and I am actually mortified now even though he is supposed to keep all of us Summit Shoppers safe. Naturally, fearfully, I smile. Not a big one. You know, one of those smiles where they are supposed to understand they have no chance - a smile where you show no teeth and you squint your eyes weird. NOT FREAKING TODAY, BUDDY. YES, I SEE YOU AND THIS IS WEIRD. STOP. This is what I call TACT. COOTHE, as my mother has always called it. She says I need more of it. Boy, would I have made her proud today. Would've made up for one of my two panic phone calls...

A minute later, the security truck, not car, quickly comes to a halt in a nearby parking spot. He runs out.

*Oh my gosh. I hope no one has shoplifted a book. Some of the hard covered books are tempting because I want to read them but don't want to spend 30 dollars. I wonder what's going on? Is there a fire in the Starbucks? No, stupid. You are right here. There's no fire at the Starbucks. (Then I sniff the air) REALLY, there is no fire.*

"EXCUSE ME, MISS."

*OH SH*t* I think. Did I do something? Is he going to say he sees me leave the gas station around the corner with a brown bag in my hand way too much in front of all of these people?!?! I always wait until I get home. I would NEVER drink and drive!*

"I was just going to ask if you would like to KICK IT sometime."

*Relieved* Kick what? Oh HANG!

"Yeah, you know, hang out? Get coffee or something."

* thinks to myself, idiot we are IN a coffee shop. "Oh! Ha, I would but I've had a boyfriend going on 4 years now.* (I would NEVER. I have so much coothe...)

"Oh, dang. Well... I hope y'all break up."

"What?!"

"Yeah, I hope y'all break up! Can I still get your number?"

"No!"

"What about your name so I can look ya up on Facebook?"

* thinks to myself WELL MY pictures ARE CUTE..." "Yeah! It's Ashlee. a-s-h-l-E-E." *I put major emphasis on the last two letters of my name. ESPECIALLY THE LAST ONE. Just so he doesn't think there should be a Y there. Then, I give him my last name with major emphasis on the phonics so he gets it right.*

"Can I write on this?" Points to bottom of my homework.

"Oh yeah! There's nothing at the bottom." *He still writes my name wrong. Really? Even after that Alex Trebek phonics lesson? Maybe he won't find me now.*

"Okay and I'll leave you my number."

"I don't want-"

"Different area code."

"K, thanks." *I give the tactful smile with no teeth again to send the vibe that he needs to get gone.*

"I saw you through that window and thought THATS A BAD MAMA JAMA!" Apparently he didn’t catch my vibe. Why I hate coothe.

"HAHA... ohhh that's me!" *seriously, please leave before I cry.*

"Have a good day, Ashlee. Call me when you and your boy break up." I then realized he ripped exercise 4 off of my homework.

Umm, what just happened. He runs out to this Security Truck with Green lights on top still flashing. I see him out the window open his Facebook page. I just smile out the window at the events of my day and I start dying out laughing. People in Barnes and Nobles now think I wear too much sparkle eye shadow and cheat on my boyfriend. Good Lord. I quit laughing when I see the looks I'm getting. I wish I could give them all a tactful smile but am too embarrassed. Still can be petty in my head though. *Maybe yall should try sparkly eyeshadow, HATerS!*

[raynakam]

Week 5.5 of 2018 😢 / BKK DAY 1 🍗

Quick update on the past 3 days before I can get into bkk updates hehehe I’m calling this week 5.5 😂 

Workload started piling up on Monday, but I expected it although I didn’t think it would get that insane.

Alexandra food village’s dry ban mian with J and Qien for dinner that day 🙃 Had a side of 10 gyozas cos jer said it was nice. Gyozas were good, just that 3 is my max hahaha Oh yes, I have to mention that the auntie making my teh ice was so precise that she was using a weighing machine to weigh every single ingredient she added into the drink 😂😂 The drink turned out nice so I guess it was worth her effort? lololol

Took a bus then train back, and while we were on the train, J suddenly said “wah so fast potong pasir already!” Literally 1sec later the train announcement came “Next station, clarke quay” LOLOLOL WE LAUGHED UNTIL 😂😂😂

Skipped chiro on tues cos I couldn’t afford to leave work half an hour earlier. Met J for dinner and dk how we decided on 4 fingers haha maybe the only fried chicken I willingly eat 👌🏻 I’ll try the spicy ones next time hehe

Quickly went home to get started on packing. I only managed clothes before I turned in for the night but it was a good call to start a day early cos Wed was SHIT 😭

Told J that I was nervous for the meeting on Wed and I was right to be nervous. It went pretty badly and the amount of work to be done after the meeting........ Couldn’t help but feel like my bkk trip came at a wrong time.

Had a quick lunch of dry ban mian at vivo (I see a pattern too lolol) before we headed back to office, where I spent the rest of the work day going through an insane number of files FML

As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already, my period decided to come a couple days early 😭😭😭 I was praying it would come after the trip. Oh well, I am at least grateful it didn’t come halfway ya? Popped a panadol before I headed back to files I CRY. MY DOG LIFE

Did what I could and left office with my boss after 11 hours of the grind. Through shit like this, I am eternally grateful for a nice boss ✨

Wanted to cry when I realised there was no food at home but I sucked it up and called my mum to takeaway some food for me. I had to wait maybe an hour but I took the opportunity to chill a little cos I could feel myself being very panicky. Mum came back with oyster omelette, which I enjoyed with KUWTK 😌

And then it was time to pack......... I didn’t leave much time for myself evidently, so I only got to bed around 1am? Holy, that’s 3 hours of packing wtf ray how????????

BKK DAY 1 🇹🇭

Tore myself out of bed at 6:15 in the morning cos I still had last minute packing to do plus this was the first time I had to call a cab to the airport myself 😅 Usually my parents fetch me there or they’re the ones calling a cab when we travel tgt haha so I was understandably a little panicky cos there were so many unknowns!!!!

Didn’t have to worry myself that much cos I got a cab easily (fare was $30 though wtfff) and reached the airport with a lot of time to spare.

Checked in and this was our first stop.... We made plans to check out the YSL outlet here, to see if the wallet I liked was cheaper since duty free and all?

WE BOUGHT IT 😍😍😍 I was 90% decided that I really wanted the wallet already so when it was $60 cheaper than retail stores, I pretty much handed my card over immediately hahahaha I am so happy ✨✨✨ J says she wants to get it for me as a christmas cum birthday gift but we’ll see!

Yakun for breakfast, where they forced us to get large cups of drinks so obv I couldn’t finish??? Oh yes, the two evian bottles were from the YSL sales assistant haha went back to return a bottle afterwards cos it was unopened.

While waiting for J ✨

我的头发很乱

Boarded! HAHA I LUV THE HOOD omg 😂😂😂 So kewt and I even managed some sleep on the plane, which is gr8 considering the flight’s only 2 hours ✈️

我爱我的鞋子👟 Asked my mum to look at my new shoes and she said “you bought new shoes again???? Ray, when you go bkk, you just eat, don’t buy clothes and shoes ok. Just eat” LOLOL I replied with “good joke mum”

Landed, settled sim card and hopped on a cab to our hotel! The ride took ages due to the jam, and J scared me cos she told me there was no meter in the cab??? She still said “hope we don’t have to fight about the fare later” 😂😂 I also quickly went to check my past dayre post and gathered that the fare should be roughly 600baht. Turns out meter was on all the while haha and the driver only charged us 500 phew no fight phew phew

We booked berkeley again cos it was a pretty good deal and we’re so familiar with the hotel/it’s location. Paid for late check out on monday as well since our flight’s only at 6pm. Spent a long time in our room waiting for my phone to charge 🙄 But I took the opp to quickly unpack everything.

Before we left the hotel!

J was starving by then so we stopped by mr shake at central world. My milk tea was pretty good but the calamansi drink she wanted wasn’t in stock so she ended up with plum green tea which wasn’t nice 😅

Continued with our walk to siam! I love how familiar we are with everything, such that we rmb how to walk everywhere without the need to google map 👌🏻👌🏻 J was asking me if I knew where inter was, and I said “ya just go to siam square, cut through the tiny stores then exit, cross the pedestrian crossing with the police and turn left” WHERE DID THIS INFO COME FROM????? IDK

First food stop: Inter! I think this is J’s and my favourite restaurant in bkk. The food is v good and inexpensive, what more can you ask for? Got the water mimosa again but asked for it to be less spicy cos my dayre reminded me that it was too spicy for us the last time we were here haha tried a new fried fish which turned out pretty good surprisingly! Erm the curry beef was a mistake on my part haha I wanted to order red curry with beef but idk why it became this dish instead 😂

Curry was great but there were a lot of fatty beef parts so overall, a no go for us 🙅🏻‍♀️

STAR OF THE SHOW ⭐️ Couldn’t go to inter without ordering our fav wings!!!!! Still as good as before omg Bill came up to less than $25 I LUV BKK

Shopped around siam square and exercised tremendous self control. Only bought myself a phone cover for $6 hehe proud proud Continued wandering around the area then stopped by watsons and bath and body works to get our bkk essentials - large packet of tissue and hand sanitizer LOLOL

📍Hokkaido Cheese Toast @ Siam Square Before we came to bkk, I was telling J that the cheese toast originated from here so we should eat the one here haha forgot all about it until we changed upon it at siam! Best things is there wasn’t a queue at all hehe and they had the strawberry & matcha flavours that I think aren’t out yet in singapore?

But we’re basic af, so we just got an original to share amongst the both of us! Smart decision to share cos it got a bit too much towards the end. Dk how much it is in singapore but it’s 69baht here!

🧀🧀🧀 Verdict: I quite liked it! The bread was nicely toasted and the cheese was really stretchy, not too heavy tasting. There was this creamy liquid filling inside which I didn’t like, and which is why I said it got too much towards the end haha might not eat this again, but glad I tried.

Got a bit thirsty while walking around and went in search of their koi outlet. Found it and was so pleasantly surprised that they had small sizes!!! How cute is this small green tea macchiato omg the lady helps to poke the straw in and she makes sure the straw goes through the O in KOI hahahaha i luv it they are so cute

Aesthetics 101 with this random cafe on the middle of the mall 🌿 There’s really nothing much in siam leh. I think I said this last year already hahaha plus the malls are quite confusing so we end up at the same place after walking for ages. Decided to head back to our hotel after a bit and J suggested we take a train from siam to chit lom, which is just a stop.

Not smart cos the train station was a bit confusing to manoeuvre around plus we hit peak hour I think. And it was only after we alighted at chit lom did we realise that our hotel’s in the middle between siam and chit lom haha so it would have been smarter to just walk from siam. Oh well, you learn new things everyday!

Was supposed to have after you but we were craving salty food so we headed to the hotel to rest before dinner at talad neon.

Took us a while to get out of the room haha talad neon’s super super near to our hotel which is great cos my poor feet 😅 J got a coconut drink and we walked around a bit. I love talad neon leh!!! But I can understand when people say there’s nothing much to do here. I just like it for its cleanliness, close proximity to our hotel and there’re still a decent number of shops 👌🏻

Took such a nice photo of J ✨✨ Dinner at hubba shrimps, essentially a cheaper version of dancing crab haha vibes were...... thai disco-ish 😂😂

Hello it’s me 😌

📍Hubba Shrimps @ Talad Neon Got the one with mixed seafood, which contained shrimps, two different kinds of mussels, squid, clams, corn and potatoes. Asked for the sauce to be less spicy but less spicy in thailand doesn’t mean much lolol the sauce was v tasty though!! But the seafood was okay only, not very fresh/tasty. Overall a decent meal for less than 500 baht

💕 Continued walking around for a bit before heading back to our hotel to walk around the night market downstairs. Got myself only 2 pieces of clothing that day 😌

Yet another wrap dress from talad neon for 250 baht. As expected, it’s too big on me but I’ll make it work by looping the waist bands around my waist to give the dress some shape. It’s a little sheer as well so will have to put on an inner lining. Otherwise, I do like the cut and prints 🌾

This mustard top from the night market below our hotel for 150baht. I hesitated a little cos bkk tops are usually too huge for me, but...

it’s a tie back so you can adjust it to be smaller! I’ve been meaning to get smth like this from taobao, like it’s literally been sitting in my cart for ages haha 

[it-was-not-the-cat]

Questions 1-99.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?Heaven - PVRIS, What's Wrong - PVRIS, Walk Alone - PVRIS, Winter - PVRIS, I Like Me Better - Lauv, Now or Never - Halsey2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?The lead singer of PVRIS, probably. I'll be seeing her in February, but not technically meeting her. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.I don't have a book near me at all, haha4: What do you think about most?"Where the hell is my cat?"5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?"I'm home" This was literally 2 days ago HHAHAHA6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?With7: What’s your strangest talent?I honestly have no idea. I'm not that good at strange things haha8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)Girls are pretty; Boys are icky.9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nope.10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?I honestly don't know haha.11: Do you have any strange phobias?GRASSHOPPERS 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?Hah, funny story, a rock once. Got a bloody nose because it was stuck and had to go to the doctor to get it removed.13: What’s your religion?I don't really follow any religion.14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Coming inside.15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Wayy behind it.16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?PVRIS, hands down.17: What was the last lie you told?I'm going to vacuum today.18: Do you believe in karma?Sometimes, I guess.19: What does your URL mean?When I used to self harm, I would tell people that it was just a scratch from the cat, but that was a lie. It was not the cat.20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Greatest weakness is probably saying no to people. Greatest strength is being lazy. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?Demi Lovato and Lynn Gunn22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Nope. 23: How do you vent your anger?I just get in my own little bubble and just get angry at everything or shut everyone out. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?Rocks and shot glasses from my travels.25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Chatting online. Not necessarily video chatting, just like messaging. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?\I'm a lot happier with myself than I used to be. But I have a long way to go before I'm completely happy with myself. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?I hate hearing people chew and swallow. I love Jasper's purring. 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?"What if I never started cutting?" 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Ghosts- YES, Aliens - no.30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.Right arm - coffee cup. Left arm - wall. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?It just smells like the air? I kinda smell the coffee next to me. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?South Side, St Joe.33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?East Coast34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Tim McGraw. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?Just to be freaking happy.36: Define Art.I don't even know. 37: Do you believe in luck?Mmm, sometimes?38: What’s the weather like right now?It's fall, cold and windy, but like perfect. 39: What time is it?1:33 pm40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes, I drive. I've never like gotten into a wreck, but I've hit 3 deer...41: What was the last book you read?My textbook for my Psych of Communications class. Hah, we read it cover to cover. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite. 43: Do you have any nicknames?Mac.44: What was the last film you saw?How The Grinch Stole Christmas while I was babysitting.45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?I have a lot of problems with my back and hips. I wouldn't really think of it as an injury because it wasn't caused by anything in particular, but it is definitely something that hurts like a mf.46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeah.47: Do you have any obsessions right now?My cat. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?GAYYYY49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Yeah that I was a lesbian back in middle school. I didn't know I was a lesbian then, but ayyy.50: Do you believe in magic?I really don't know for sure. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yeah, but like I'm not like absolutely horrible toward them. I just don't forget what they did to me. 52: What is your astrological sign?Libra53: Do you save money or spend it?Both.54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Blockus.55: Love or lust?Love!56: In a relationship?YES :)57: How many relationships have you had?Serious relationships? 2. Stupid middle school relationships? like 4.58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Yeah.59: Where were you yesterday?I just stayed at the apartment all day. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?A headband, tweezers, and my backpack.61: Are you wearing socks right now?Nope.62: What’s your favourite animal?Currently, giraffe.63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?HAHAHA my what to what64: Where is your best friend?Sitting right next to me :)65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.secrets-written-in-my-skin, h--e--r--o--i--n--a, lesbian-and-lesbian-, take-a-look-to-my-life, sheekeepsmewarm66: What is your heritage?Uhh, American?67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Allie and I were playing games.We were probably playing Snakes and Ladders.68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?wut.69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Hell yeah.70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Yeah, honestly I would like to have me as a friend. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?I would try to help the dog, but also call someone to help and then explain to my boss what happened. If it was my boss I have right now, she'd be understanding. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?Oh yikes. I would probably tell people it was happening. I would definitely travel with whatever money I had left and I would be absolutely terrified. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love. 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Don't Be So Hard On Yourself - Jess Glynne75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?I would prefer not to put that out there. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?You should probably like, love the person. But also being able to be yourself around them. And being able to silently sit in the same room, doing separate things, and still enjoying it and not finding it awkward. 77: How can I win your heart?Bring me food.78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?It can, but for me it just brings anxiety. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?To start talking to Allie off anon. 80: What size shoes do you wear?Anywhere from a 7.5-8.5. It depends on the brand/shoe. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Just the normal thing, birth date, death date, and like "daughter, wife, mother, etc"82: What is your favourite word?Probably fuck or shit?83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love.84: What is a saying you say a lot?"I love him" (I say "him" funny and I say it about my cat.) or "Listen, Linda".85: What’s the last song you listened to?Jolene - Dolly Parton.86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Currently, purple and turquoise/teal.87: What is your current desktop picture?A colorful space thing I designed on a website.88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?My old manager. He was such a dick. He made me hate my job so much that I would get insanely anxious before going in and then I'd call in. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Uhmm... I don't really know. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Freak the fuck out, scream, wake up Allie, grab my cat, and leave. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Oooh, umm to see the future?92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?The first time I met Allie in person.93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?The part of my life that I never talk about.94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?They are all way out of my league. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Ireland.96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Not that I know of.97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Probably when I was little, but not that I know of. 98: Ever been on a plane?Yes! 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?"uhh..."

[sparkles-m-fantastic]

Let’s Get Personal

   1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?            (In not particular order)          *The Red--Chevelle          *Elastic Heart--Sia          *Love on the Brain--Rihanna          *I Feel a Sin Coming On--Pistol Annies          *40 Day Dream--Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes          *any songs by 21 pilots of The Foo Fighters

   2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?          *Yeeeaaahhh, I don't like people, soooooooo.....I'm good.

   3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.          *There are no books near me and I'm not getting up.

   4: What do you think about most?          *Work.

   5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?          *It's a pic from #Kid_1 about her new ab workout

   6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?          *I have small children who still sneak in my bed at night, sooooo--clothes

   7: What’s your strangest talent?          *I can read really fast.

   8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)          *Gender is a social construct and I refuse to participate in this narrative.

   9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?          *Many, not to brag.

   10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?          *The last time I watched "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", probs.

   11: Do you have any strange phobias?          *No, Imma basic bih

   12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?          *Noooo?

   13: What’s your religion?          *Atheist raised Catholic

   14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?          *walking to the lake

   15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?          *Behind

   16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?          *The Foo Fighters

   17: What was the last lie you told?          *I'm sure I've told one today--everyone lies--but I can't remember

   18: Do you believe in karma?          *No, that would mean that I believe in a higher power

   19: What does your URL mean?          *Stripper name

   20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?          *Weakness = Not giving a shit (Husband says CARBS)  Strength = Not giving a shit (Husband says it's my ability to keep my eye on the big picture)

   21: Who is your celebrity crush?          *I like Fassbender, even though I don't think he's that great of an actor, traditionally handsome, and I don't think we'd get along were we ever          to meet or be forced to interact. Crushes are kind of weird little things.

   22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?          *No

   23: How do you vent your anger?          *Scream into a pillow or write a scathing letter and never send it.

   24: Do you have a collection of anything?          *So many things

   25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?          *Video chat

   26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?          *Yes

   27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?          *I hate too much noise, and I love the quiet. (ha ha)

   28: What’s your biggest “what if”?          *What if we don't "make it"?

   29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?          *Ghosts = no, Aliens = FUCK YES ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

   30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.          *My leather sectional couch

   31: Smell the air. What do you smell?          *Cinnamon rolls baking in the oven

   32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?          *There was this campground we went to when I was about 12 or 13 in Brown County, IN and it rained the entire time and I ended up getting my first UTI.

   33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?          *East Coast

   34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?          *uuuuuhhh......don't really fancy any singers.

   35: To you, what is the meaning of life?          *Arrive late, fuck shit up, leave. LOLZ

   36: Define Art.          *I have nothing profound to say that's not already been said. I have a great-uncle named Art who lives in Indianapolis?

   37: Do you believe in luck?          *No, you make your own

   38: What’s the weather like right now?          *Dark

   39: What time is it?          *9:38p EST

   40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?          *Yes, and a couple of times, both involving black ice

   41: What was the last book you read?          *For Fun? Pride and Prejudice. I want to re-read all of Austen's novels

   42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?          *Sure.

   43: Do you have any nicknames?          *Yes

   44: What was the last film you saw?          *WONDER WOMAAAAAAAAN (2017)

   45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?          *I broke my left ankle in March

   46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?          *Yes

   47: Do you have any obsessions right now?          *No

   48: What’s your sexual orientation?          *Hetero

   49: Ever had a rumor spread about you?          *Probably

   50: Do you believe in magic?          *Ever fallen in love? That's a sort-of magic.

   51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?          *Until my last dying breath, LOL

   52: What is your astrological sign?          *Aeries

   53: Do you save money or spend it?          *Save

   54: What’s the last thing you purchased?          *I had some prescriptions filled.

   55: Love or lust?          *It depends on if you want Mr(s). Right or Mr(s). Right Now

   56: In a relationship?          *Since 1993

   57: How many relationships have you had?          *Romantic? 25

   58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?         *No

   59: Where were you yesterday?         *Many places on Earth

   60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?         *Yes, my Chihuahua, Pinky

   61: Are you wearing socks right now?         *Fuck socks

   62: What’s your favorite animal?         *I love foxes. We have a family that lives by the lake and I see them a lot at night when I'm walking my husky.

   63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?         *Paying attention to little things and don't try to one-up them.

   64: Where is your best friend?         *He's sitting next to me. (husband)

   65: Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.         *Anglerfishy         *The-Haven-of-Fiction         *DisasterGeek         *WriterNotWaiting         *DrBennedict

   66: What is your heritage?          *Irish/German

   67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?          *Probably reading

   68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?          *Morningstar

   69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?          *Almost every day. ;)

   70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?          *Absolutely.

   71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you        are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?          *SAVE the FUCKING DOG

   72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are        going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?          *A) No B) Nothing different. I like my life C) Bring it on bitch

   73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.          *TRUST

   74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?          *Smells Like Teen Spirit--Nirvana

   75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?          *3825 (ha ha not really, see if you can figure out what that spells)

   76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?          *Never falling out of love at the same time (it happens, yeah--they don't tell you that before you get married)

   77: How can I win your heart?          *It's the little things....and compassion/kindness

   78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?          *Hmmm, I don't think it would necessarily dampen it? Unless one could LITERALLY not function.

   79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so          *Forgiving those who have wronged me

   80: What size shoes do you wear?          *US 10

   81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?          *I'm going to be cremated and my ashes pressed into a gem that will be mounted on the hilt of a sword that will be used to avenge my death because          YOU KNOW the only way I'm dying is by MURDER!!!!

   82: What is your favorite word?          *FUCK

   83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.          *Elastic

   84: What is a saying you say a lot?          *Oh my god

   85: What’s the last song you listened to?          *Ha Ha The Red--Chevelle

   86: Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?          *Black, gray, dark blue, dark red, olive green

   87: What is your current desktop picture?          *David Tennant as The Doctor snapping his fingers to close the Tardis doors

   88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?          *ONLY ONE PERSON??  It's too hard to choose.....

   89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?          *How do you REALLY feel about me?

   90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing        anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?          *Well, if Mummies were able to somehow come back to life and were surrounding my bed--that ALSO means I can teleport, sooooooo...buh-bye

   91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice!        What is that power?          *The ability to control the arachnid and insect populations of the world.

   92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to        experience again?          *...........I'm good, thanks.

   93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?          *My entire childhood before my parents divorced. My father is an abusive alcoholic/addict

   94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?          *Yeah, I'll pass.

   95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?          *London to see meh Bestie and his Partner

   96: Do you have any relatives in jail?          *Not that I know of

   97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?          *No

   98: Ever been on a plane?          *Yes

   99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?          *I voted for Hilary!!