#NEIL DRUCKMANN how does he keep doing it

[konfizry]

the indignation experience in tales of arise is not one of “holy shit they put indignation in tales????” as much as one of Indignation? At this point of the game? In this part of the battle? This early in the playthrough? Localized entirely within the second boss’ chamber? 

[gluion]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ leehan

leehan x reader, slight sungho x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with leehan.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, gender-neutral reader, reader is shorter than leehan and sungho, lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, sungho is your ex, myungjae and taesan appearance :’), elements of the last of us (don’t support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u’re remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo’s the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ i really love this piece with everything in me so i thought i'd release it to bonedoblr as well!! you can check out the jacob & taerae versions as well. if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans—taking them away from the lives they’ve lived—everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of sungho’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember sungho’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, sungho was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and sungho found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of sungho was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with sungho. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant sungho would be with you.

still, time continues to move. sungho knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and sungho met jaehyun, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, sungho was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others; save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge for supplies if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to jaehyun, you and sungho got to learn about how to find them in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. sungho decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. jaehyun became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend to his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and jaehyun reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing sungho fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, sungho glanced at jaehyun, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moved, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but jaehyun kept his arms around you, holding you back. from letting the infected reach you. from letting sungho come back to you.

the wails that left you were enough to attract the infected. if only they were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to sungho, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, jaehyun dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of sungho, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, jaehyun saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to jaehyun but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named leehan.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that sungho left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, sungho’s last words to you play on repeat. the ones he failed to say. the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“myungjae, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since sungho’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “leehan! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, jaehyun caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way sungho did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still. lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of leehan’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

leehan still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and leehan got used to the new dynamic; while he went hunting and you were tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night comes, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to leehan who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—jaehyun, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the wood that continued to burn. “we met jaehyun a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, leehan never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented jaehyun after what happened.” you moved your gaze to leehan whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending sungho’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows together—for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw jaehyun,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told leehan that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you kept an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of jaehyun; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of sungho you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, leehan listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and leehan found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he’s only a year younger than sungho, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, leehan promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and leehan who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “i was there for my upperclassmen’s graduation.” it hit you like sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i knew people in the music program and we were going to celebrate after. until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my sungho.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of leehan’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he talked about you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where sungho and jaehyun now stay. your mouth turned dry as leehan’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber.

the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing sungho’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of sungho being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save sungho that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. the voice was caught in your throat.

how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects?

how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of jaehyun that once caressed your face. the lips of sungho that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were leehan’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

leehan took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps.

when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. leehan still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; leehan goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two. stolen glances. quiet giggles. linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and leehan decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted leehan’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

leehan’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home. indulge in my hobbies. live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm. the movement of his chest against your back. the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since sungho’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes which glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival.

you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named taesan, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and leehan grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of sungho still lives?

but one glance at leehan was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” taesan asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met leehan’s for a split second—confusion. dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. leehan was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and taesan to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with leehan.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it can’t compare to how leehan shines.

you needed to get some sleep, is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward as you refused to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left leehan, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by and another goodbye had to be done. taesan stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were leehan’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told taesan before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and leehan found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached leehan’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how leehan’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a pear and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of green and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with leehan by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and sungho. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw leehan crouched in front of the console table with eyes trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside sungho with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside leehan. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at leehan and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost sungho, and 11 months since jaehyun told you his last words.

but it was also 13 months spent with leehan, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and sungho; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in leehan’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and leehan stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how leehan came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “leehan, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw leehan holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “leehan!” he looked back at you and you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing leehan’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up, making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how leehan’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“leehan!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as leehan was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and leehan fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but leehan came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, front-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how leehan holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth. tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

tag list: @onedoornet @kflixnet @loserlvrss @lionhanie @nicholasluvbot

@blumisiu @0310s @icyminghao @shegotthewoobies

[agentnico]

The Last of Us - Episode 1 (2023) Review

Pedro Pascal once again plays the ultimate dad.

Plot: Twenty years after a fungal outbreak ravages the planet, survivors Joel and Tess are tasked with a mission that could change everything.

Ah here we are again - a video game being adapted into a movie/TV show. These don’t usually bode well. However HBO seems to have really gone all out on this one, by not only hiring Chernobyl’s Craig Mazin as one of the creators of the show, but also Neil Druckmann as the other creator. For those wondering who in the heavens this Druckmann chap may be, well he’s the fella who’s behind the original The Last of Us games. As we know those games definitely have a very strong fanbase and there isn’t even the slightest amount of disagreeable opinions in the regards to the sequel game whatsoever, so obviously everyone is so on board with Druckmann taking the reigns over the HBO series also, right?? To be fair, love or hate the narrative choices of the second game, hiring Druckmann to co-create the show proves that HBO set out to get the best team to make it; one that understands the world created in the game and one that would actually share a passion to create something special.

The result? The first episode has now aired and so now we are able to feast our eyes on either the mess that has been created, or another masterpiece from the Naughty Dog team. Luckily, judging from the first episode, it is the latter, as I am happy to report that HBO might just have a bombshell on their hands. Look, I’m going to come out clean - I’ve never played The Last of Us games myself. I tried do, I really did, but for some reason the gameplay and controls weren’t doing it for me, which was strange as I absolutely loved playing the Uncharted games (also created by the same studio). However I really enjoyed the world and the atmosphere of the games, so like a loser would, I went onto good old YouTube, and enjoyed watching a walkthrough of the game, where I could avoid the gameplay but enjoy the story. By the way, if you’re a loser like me who likes spending time watching walkthroughs, check out @theRadBrad channel, as he’s actually great at showcasing all the better qualities and aspects of the video game content that he plays. Anyway, coming back to the HBO show, what I immediately enjoyed was how the show is evidently first and foremost made for newcomers to the franchise, as the surprises and plot twists in the game are treated with just as much shock value and suspense in this first episode. For example, keeping it spoiler-free even though 99% of the gaming community know about it, the show when it starts follows a certain character, making it seem like they will be the main protagonist and we shall be following the story from their eyes. However within the first 20 minutes or so this character is brutally killed. Again, the original game’s opening is iconic, yet the show treats this plot twist with as much attention if not more. As we actually get to spend even more time with this character, seeing how they interact in the real world before the outbreak even begins, and I really enjoyed that. It gave the show more purpose. This isn’t just a means to get fans of the video games to shed out more dollar, it’s actually an opportunity for non-games to be able to experience themselves the world of The Last of Us without the need of having to move around joysticks aimlessly.

The first half an hour of this episode is simply ace. It’s thrilling, suspenseful and really throws you into the action and drama that this world is known for. The remainder of the episode is much more slower, however very necessary in building up the relationships and character dynamics that will surely play a major role later in the show. For a first episode this one does exactly what it needs to. In a way it reminded me of the very very first The Walking Dead episode, when one moment Rick and Shane are sitting in their cop car enjoying burgers and chips, and then the next Rick Grimes wakes up alone in hospital in the middle of a zombie outbreak. Back then that episode screamed potential and that we were in for something amazing. Which it was, until The Walking Dead ended up being 11 seasons long + spin-offs. However with The Last of Us seemingly following the game narrative really closely, I don’t imagine it will go on forever.

I also love the visual look of the show. Talking about the game’s atmosphere, this post apocalyptic world looks real. You’ve got the fungi growing on walls, the weathered half fallen skyscrapers... in the last moments of the episode you see our main characters set out on their journey into this wilderness and I cannot wait to see what more horrors this world will bring. Speaking of the main characters, Pedro Pascal is Joel, and if that isn’t some perfect casting right there! If you ever need an ultimate dad being a total badass, Pascal is your mad! *insert Ludwig Goransson’s The Mandalorian theme* He shows so much emotion in his eyes of regret, hurt and grief, yet still trying to make things work in this new horrible reality. Bella Ramsey as also showcases Ellie’s sassiness to the fullest, in fact more so than in the games, as she is willing to knife someone without hesitation and will cuss when need to. You can tell this Ellie has grown up in a post apocalyptic world and has learnt to adapt to her surroundings.

Look, I’ve already made my point. This is a great start to The Last of Us series, and I shall be tuning in to see where it goes next. I mean, it’s a show that features Pedro Pascal in the lead, how can you not want to watch that!? The guy is a natural charmer. 

Overall score: 8/10

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Thoughts on The Last of Us Part 2

This critique is spoiler heavy, so tread with caution. I also talk about more than the game. However, non-spoiler opinions: (and again, I want to stress this is my opinion)

This game does not have the same DNA as the first last of us. That’s not a total strike against LOUP2. Yet the first game succeeded so well in creating a relatively simple road trip narrative that was rooted around character growth, with the provoking questions it raised comknf naturally. TLOUP2 revolves so heavily on the message it’s trying to send, that the character and narrative writings suffers to mold around the parable...which doesn’t fully even succeed in that regard. Environments and game play however are pretty solid, and if you liked those aspects of the first game, they outdid themselves here, so you’ll probably like this game’s go around. Does it make it worthwhile to play? That’s a case by case basis, but I have to say that exploring the world made me want to continue the game. And if anything, I’d say this game is a relatively easy platinum trophy to collect. And despite this very long critique where I really dive in, (because that is what I do, it’s in my nature.) I’m glad I played, because I had an enjoyable experience.

anyway, on with the nitty gritty. Please keep in mind that even as I seem harsh, I did not hate this game. Aspects of it pissed me off , and I think it’s broken in a lot of respects, but certainly not a failure of design, game build, and acting.

When I think of the perfect sequel, (and please, bare with me) Shrek 2 comes to mind. It expands the world in a meaningful way, introduces new characters that seamlessly fit in with the dynamic, lets the established characters have more growth without cheapening what happened in the first part, and stays true to the core DNA of the first film. I’m not saying that all sequels need to follow this formula, (I love Silent Hill 2) but The Last of Us 2 was not a fulfilling sequel in any of these regards. Joel and Ellie in the first game, as well as the other characters, felt like real people who made decisions that made sense for their characters. In this game, we have a clumsily patched together narrative that is simultaneously simple and yet far too much for it to handle. This is not a narrative-driven story, but a parable about the dangers of revenge. And while not a bad parable to tell, I could easily pick up Moby Dick or a myriad of other works that detail the “revenge is all consuming and unhealthy” narrative. Now, was LOU particularly new with it’s story? No. But the characters made it worthwhile and fresh. Additionally, the narrative of this game is so riddled with hypocrisy that the parable it’s trying to tell almost misses the mark.

Before further diving in, I also want to talk about one more detour as a preface: Game of Thrones season 8 (and please, bare with me again.) My biggest issue with season eight was how unearned everything was. Most egregiously and infamously, Dany and Jaime’s fates was not rooted in her past actions, therefore making their fates make sense, but rooted in the final outline Benioff and Weiss had. The writers had a plan, and they made the characters fit that plan no matter what, no matter that the characters had grown and changed and had arcs that didn’t make sense with the final plan, leaving a lot of people, including me, note how unearned everything was. LOU2 feels similar. Druckman had a plan, and he made the characters fit that plan, no matter how many gaps in logic there was, no matter how unearned it was. Joel dying the way he did was not very Joel-like as established in LOU. That man noticed an ambush right on sight as he was driving with Ellie into Pittsburgh, while this Joel walks right into an ambush and let’s himself be cornered by a group of unknown people. Maybe you can say that he got softer living in Jackson, or the storm gave no alternatives, but it reads to me as more as Druckman needed Joel to die to set off his plot.  

And with that, now’s a good time to talk about Abby, because rather than being an organic character that fits seamlessly into the narrative, she feels inelegantly shoved into the game to fit the message and parable. In the prologue we learn little about Abby and are forced to run away and learn about the game mechanics with her, and most players are here to continue Joel and Ellie’s story, so cutting away to this new character away from Ellie is intrusive. You as a player may have also have heard Druckmann say Ellie was the only playable character and purposely avoided the leaks, so you’re bamboozled as well. It gets worse after we shift to Abby for a good ten hours after Ellie kills Owen and Mel. We’re supposed to feel compelled to play as Abby for a ten hour needlessly complicated side quest when the game jarringly cuts to her...even though she mercilessly beat Joel with a golf club and just shot Jesse, who, IMO, is one of the most likable new characters (and also one of the many minority characters in the LOU franchise that serve as props to the main characters and ultimately meets a sad end, but that aspect of the game is worthy of a whole other post.) 

Playing as Abby for as long as you do at the halfway point is a tough and unearned pill to swallow, not helped by the fact that we know how this long extended flashback is going to end, so the stakes are never high. No matter what happens, Owen, Mel, Nora and Alice are going to die, and Abby is going to find Ellie. Furthermore, you’ve spent a long time as a player buffing Ellie with supplements, upgrading weapons, and using her arsenal. Suddenly, you have to rewire you’re playstyle and get used to new weapons. They’re not totally different, but I can see how going back to square one when you’re halfway through the game can put a player off really quickly. I read the leaks so I knew this was coming, but I had no clue how bloated this section would be with the meandering plot and WLF/ Seraphite conflicts that still somehow aren’t explained well enough. In Abby’s section, plot things and character development things go at such a hyper speed, with relationships developing mega quickly, that I had a hard time believing it, especially compared to the first game when relationships took time and were earned. I think the sex scene is a good metaphor for this section of the game as a whole. they talk, talk, talk about unrelated things, Abby pushes Owen, and then they randomly have sex. which by the way, was done pretty tastelessly in my opinion. ND could have just cut away when they started making out, or if you absolutely had to hold the frame, if you really had the actors to do that in mocap suits, maybe make the situation more morally grey...because it is morally grey. Owen has a baby on the way with another woman. What a way to endear these two characters. I’m not one who gets squeamish with sex in media, and I understand the game’s M rating has a warning. But when you cut away a love scene between two women before things get too heated, but have no problem with showing that, I’m going to raise some eyebrows. 

Abby’s section is like an overly complicated side quest in the larger narrative, with missions that have little to nothing to do with Ellie, so watching Abby’s story play out doesn’t feel like a meaningful look into the character and world we don’t get as Ellie, but an overtly complicated way ND created to get us to like Abby and invest us in her found family. But it took a whole game and about a full year for Ellie and Joel to be father and daughter, and by the end of Abby’s section we’re expected to believe she and Lev have that same bond. It’s so glaringly apparent that they were trying to mirror Ellie and Joel with Abby and Lev, but they banked so hard on us as the player assuming and understanding that aspect, that the development wasn’t cultivated well enough for me. I think more time was needed--especially since you don’t even meet Lev and Yara until you’re an hour or so into her story. Abby’s section feels like a whole other game was tacked on, and not a piece of the puzzle that neatly fits into the larger narrative.  In fact, both Lev and Yara feel like tacked on props to make Abby more likable. 

However, ND is inconsistent with this likability factor, because there are key elements to Abby’s writing that don’t make her endearing to the player. Unlike Ellie, who is visibly shaken with each kill, Abby displays no regrets whatsoever. She doesn’t have any qualms killing her fellow WLF soldiers later in the game, but more infuriating for players, she has no regrets about killing Joel. She does it, and she moves on. The game even seems to celebrate her, with some of her friends saying he deserved worse, despite the fact that  Ellie was on the floor crying and begging for her to stop. (BTW Mel is pretty hypocritical to me. At one point she says she regrets taking part in Joel’s murder, but during it, she wanted Ellie killed. Then later says Joel’s death was too brutal...even if he deserved worse? It’s just another thread of inconsistency in this game.) 

Abby not thinking things through when Ellie is crying on the floor before Joel’s murder is another example of characters making strange, if not outright bad decisions because Neil needs his plot. Abby could have put the pieces together, realized Joel wanted to save Ellie because clearly they care about each other, and yes he did a bad thing and killed her father, but if there’s a crying girl on the floor, maybe he did it because of love. (Or she could have just killed Tommy and Ellie because what’s stopping her from thinking they won’t want revenge like she does? But again, Druckmann needs his plot.) 

But no, Abby is merciless, and then suddenly in her POV chapters she’s pretty cool to Yara and Lev and wants to help them out. And yes, they saved her from death...but Joel saved her from death too. It could have been so interesting if Abby and Joel were forced to work together longer, maybe she meets Ellie, and then she’s conflicted about extracting revenge. But okay, fine. She takes her revenge and the game moves on. Okay. But Ellie, who I remind, is vilified and punished by losing Dina and the baby in the game, has regrets and is shaken up by her revengeful deeds, while Abby, who is also pretty bad, gets rewarded. If Druckmann wanted to really write a revenge parable, it needed to be clearer that revenge didn’t make Abby happy or fulfill her. If that would have happened, and if time was taken to develop the Lev and Yara subplot, it could have been interesting to see Abby’s story.

Ellie’s characterization in this game is a point of contention for me as well. Some reviewers have said she makes decisions that are so outlandish it’s akin to Dany in GOT season eight, and I don’t disagree. Now, the game implies Ellie continuously puts herself at risk, leaves her friends, and sets off on a near suicide mission because she has PTSD from what happened to Joel, along with a lot of guilt for not patching things up to him. Druckmann and Halley Gross even confirmed in an Indie Wire interview that Ellie has PTSD. Now, there are so many negative stereotypes against people with PTSD as outlined by Psychology Today and other sources. There’s misconceptions that they’re violent and dangerous, and it can’t be treated. I don’t think Druckmann was outright suggesting Ellie went on her rampage of revenge specifically because of this, in fact I think the truth of the matter is he wanted to say something deep and artsy with this game, and Ellie and Abby are props to the message. (Supported by pre release statements of ND saying they wouldn’t call this game fun--it’s art.) That being said, this equation doesn’t sit right with me. More broadly I don’t like the fact that Ellie has been a prop in this game so Druckmann can say something deep (tm) especially when the last game did such a good job molding her character and honoring her in an organic way as the plot moved forward. The way they used her here just didn’t feel right.

Also, like to mention Ellie didn’t go to Santa Barbara to meet Abby again until Tommy’s major guilt trip at the farm, which was a wildly out of character moment in itself. But again, in this game, there’s a script, and we needed a way to trigger Ellie’s journey to Santa Barbara. But looking at the first game, Tommy berates Joel for the lengths he went to to ensure their survival, even saying at one point “it wasn’t worth it.” Now Tommy is all of a sudden going to not take the high road and demand Ellie extract revenge when he can’t? Heck, when Abby had Tommy pinned to the ground in the theatre he told her to go and save herself. When tommy came to her after Joel’s death he actively tried to talk her out of going to Seattle. Now maybe you can say that “oh Abby shot Tommy and now he’s relationship with Maria is in shambles...” but it didn’t compute with me. (And damn, can anyone be in a happy romantic relationship in these games?) But again, Druckmann wants a final fight, where the biggest waste of opportunity is squandered. We could have had a moment where Ellie and Abby talk it out, maybe Ellie telling Abby that she cared for Joel despite what he did (though ho boy, more on that later.) and Abby realizing hmm, maybe what I did was kind of morally grey and we’re not so different at the least. If this parable was going to work, Abby had to have an epiphany about her own deeds in addition to Ellie, and Ellie can’t be vilified while Abby isn’t. 

This game also cheapens the last game’s ending. Joel’s morally grey choice at the end part one is rendered into an indisputably bad choice, because he took away Ellie’s choice. Are we forgetting the fireflies, and Jerry, Abby’s dad that we’re supposed to like, (based on the flashback, which, BTW didn’t work for me, I think Jerry’s an ass) weren’t giving Ellie a choice either? The ending of TLOU asked some fantastic questions about the nature of love without forcing it, and this game completely does away with that ending via telling us how bad Joel is and how he wronged Ellie. I can’t really replay the first game now without thinking of how the sequel cheapens that ending. Overall, the message and thought-provoking questions in LOU came naturally with Joel and Ellie’s development. It was elegantly done and expertly crafted. However, this game is so focused on it’s message and so focused on being an art house drama, that not only do the characters bend to fit the message, but it’s rudely it’s beaten over your head with the final shots of a lone guitar. However, playing through the game for me, seeing the cracks, the message fell flat. Want to tell a parable like this? Go ahead, but make sure it’s delivered well , paced well, and crafted well. I don’t think this game succeeded in any of those regards.

As others have stated, the game is needlessly dark, and though there are moments of calm and light, they are not as frequent as the first game, and all but dissolve toward the end of the story. Obviously ND couldn’t help the current situation of the world the game was released into, but I am tired of this trend of dark narratives and SuBerTing ExpECtatIons that Thrones also pulled, and the easiest, laziest tactic media has used lately to get people talking about their stories: doing things for shock value. Expectations were maybe subverted and there was definite shock value by having Joel die at the beginning, but the events that follow are so bizarre and unearned with Ellie’s vilification and Abby’s “redemption,” that I’m not mad that he died, I’m mad he was fridged to make way for this sloppy mess of a story.  And I have to point out that so many of us had a feeling Joel was going to die in this game, that frankly my expectations would have been subverted if he lived. 

Now with this segue, I think now I should probably mention the elephant in the room: the pre-release footage. Images were altered to make players believe Joel meets Ellie in Seattle, but we know now that it was Jesse. Sony was banking on the fact that fans of the first game love Ellie and Joel so much, that they used their relationship to sell the game and pretty much deceive the player. The fact that the game is very much not about Ellie and Joel’s further development is not only deceptive, but kind of cruel. Games are expensive. People pre-ordered this game expecting one thing and got another. Doesn’t sit right with me. If Sony/ ND had faith in Abby’s story the secrecy wouldn’t have been necessary, but keeping her out of the marketing save for one time, with Druckmann out right lying at one point by saying you only play as Ellie, it just proves that someone in the marketing department had no faith in Abby. Now, I think this is all rooted in anti-spoiler culture, and no doubt that had a big impact on this game and the marketing behind it. Though this is another, albeit related rant, I am tired of the current climate of “keeping the secrets and remaining spoiler free.” Sure, spoilers can ruin some surprise, and it’s not cool to needlessly spoil something for someone, but spoilers should not ruin the experience of seeing a story unfold. We all know the damn ship is going to sink in Titanic, and a lot of people love that movie. Heck. I played the first LOU completely spoiled. I wanted to see what the fuss was about and read the Wiki page. I still cried, I still fell in love. I get maybe wanting the player to be surprised that Abby has such a big section, or even that’s she’s playable, but when Abby’s story can make or break how you feel about this game, I raise some eyebrows at the marketing.  

As I said, I did read the leaks when they came out. Why? Well, I’m not averse to being spoiled and GOT kind of burned me before. I am glad I read the leaks because knowing what to expect certainly eased things for me, and got me used to playing as Abby in a way that going in blind wouldn’t have. It was easier for me to bunker down and accept playing as her, but her story is so needlessly bloated and has nothing to do with Ellie’s up until the end. Her section solely exists just to get the player to like her. As I outlined however, the fragments in her story are broken and don’t come together to form a flattering picture. Sure in her sections you get some, albeit, minimal context to the goings on of Ellie’s chapters and the whole WLF/ Seraphite conflict, but not much to make it interesting or illuminate things further. A lot of it was there just to make you feel like crap for the things you were forced to do as Ellie. Alice was a good girl wasn’t she? Shame on Ellie for killing her in self-defense! And I understand the flashbacks were supposed to mirror Ellie’s flashbacks, but part of me rolled my eyes as I realized I was enduring a damn flashback within a flashback. What kind of a meta world, and an uncool one at that, is the game in? (Heck at one point Abby said “fucking video games” so IDK) I think the game could have been better if you played both sections concurrently--some of Abby’s, some of Ellie’s instead of having an entire flashback to play through as Abby. But I can only guess the game did it this way because of good old spoiler culture and they only wanted early reviewers to talk about certain things. (Heck early reviews pre release had an embargo. Reviewers were forbidden from mentioning anything in the last half of the game.)And truth to be told I think Abby’s sections needed a huge overhaul. Actually I think the whole story of the game needed a huge overhaul, but that’s probably apparent from this long diatribe. However, I maintain that this was the Last of us sequel ND wanted to tell, the crafting needed to be improved.

So what did I like? Well, I liked exploring the world and I liked the ease of the beginning of the game, and...the boat section was kind of cool? now initially I thought Ellie’s romance with Dina seemed pretty rushed, but as you play the game, you realize they’ve known each other for a long time at this point, and it makes more sense. The two have a lot of chemistry that makes the relationship feel more authentic, especially as you roam Downtown Seattle. Playing as Ellie and exploring Seattle was my favorite parts of the game. I really liked the semi-open world section at the beginning, though it didn’t mesh well with the rest of the linear narrative. I hope in future games ND does do something similar and makes the whole game have pockets of open-world esque exploration throughout, and not just one part

I tore Abby’s section apart a lot, but there was also good stuff going on there too. I did Yara and Lev a lot, just wish there would have been more time to develop them. The hospital chapter was wild and fun...the most effective horror chapter in the game, with a big ass monster straight out of Resident Evil. Even if it was gross. And of course, the environments were downright breathtaking, and exploring Seattle made me want to continue. The Aquarium was my favorite location overall, as I found it beautifully rendered and a good focal point for the game. I also find it super fitting Abby and Ellie have their first fight in a theatre. It’s almost like Druckmann’s trying to make a point about how violence is a commodity...kind of like us playing this really violent game and they’re using violence to sell it to you, even though the game punishes you for doing actions you have no say in.

I may have been a tiny bit sarcastic there, but I did enjoy the Ellie/Abby fight, and even if I knew the outcome, it did a great job of putting me on edge. I really didn’t want to hurt Ellie, but seeing how Ellie fights from the other angle was pretty interesting. After that fight however it was pretty draggy to have to do it again in Santa Barbara as Ellie. On a related note, there were too many brawls like that in the game. You have no weapons, just fist brawls twice with cult randos as Abby and then two with Ellie and Abby in the game. Could have trimmed those down, because they kind of wore out their welcome. And while we’re at it, good grief the ending DRAGGED. Maybe that was done on purpose to prove the lengths Ellie will go, but I wasn’t a fan.

Look, a part of me can kind of appreciate what ND was trying to do with this game, I just think that the execution was poor, and a lot of small specifics of things that happened in the game were done in poor taste. Pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit a cohesive whole, and the message is pretty grim and broken because of hypocrisies in the narratives. A lot of people are saying its an apocalypse game, of course it’s going to be dark and nihilistic, but the first game wasn’t nihilistic. It was hopeful, and benefited from the simple story it told. Druckmann always said Part 2 would be a hate story, and that’s fine, but I think it was just so committed to that idea the game suffered and became manipulative. I think now we’re now entering a debate about “can video games be art and have messages?” or “should video games just be fun?” and I really think video games can be art. However, there has to be something in the game that makes you want to continue, and that something is usually “fun.” Video games aren’t like movies. We’re not voyeurs that watch. We’re actually in control of the characters. That has an impact. 

if you read all of this, I commend you. thanks! Really needed to pound out all my thoughts and now I can (hopefully) move on with my life.

[metalgearkong]

The Last of Us Part II - Review (PS4)

8/14/20 ***SPOILERS***

Developed by Naughty Dog, released June 19th, 2020

The Last of Us was a game I wasn’t originally a huge fan of when it came out in 2013. Despite it receiving astronomical praise by fans and critics, it took me a couple times completing the game before I fell in love with it. What truly made The Last of Us special was not necessarily its concept or gameplay, but its storytelling and characters. The depth of the interpersonal drama and raw emotion on screen was the true core of the game, with the stealth-action, zombies, and other aspects more like icing on the cake. The Last of Us ended up being one of my favorite games of all time strictly based on execution, even if the game as a whole still isn’t perfect. 

The Last of Us Part II was my most highly anticipated game of 2020, and it feels strange to be on the other side of it finally. This game has been polarizing for fans, and as it turns out, I feel conflicted on the game as well. I finished it a month or so ago, but only now getting my thoughts written out. While some aspects are daring, jaw dropping, and gorgeous, other aspects detract from what is an unexpected story not quite living up to its potential. I respect this game more than I love it, and while I do think critics have been too kind in review scores, the exceptionally low user reviews have been far more incorrect. This is a solid, epic, deep, beautiful, emotional campaign which will deliver its money’s worth, but many contentious points will dictate how much you enjoy this blockbuster of a video game.

One of the aspects I like the most about this game is how similar the gameplay is to the original. Many people I suppose would want more change or innovation in the 7 years since The Last of Us, but personally I’ve always been a fan of sequels that retain what I like about a series. If it changes too much, it becomes too detached from what I enjoyed or got used to. Changes Part II makes are subtle, but natural for the genre and world. The player can duck and go prone in waist-high grass to conceal themselves, a dodge button has also been added, and a huge addition to combat and stealth is the addition of attack dogs who patrol with their owners. Dogs can pick up your scent until you distract it, adding to a lot of tension anytime enemy K9s are around. And yes, I found it difficult to shoot the first couple of dogs I encountered as they yelp out in pain when they get hurt or die.

Part II picks up I believe 5 years after the original. Ellie and Joel live in Jackson, the town they town the become a part of at the end of The Last of Us, and seem to be thriving in a community with food, power, and systems in place for relative safety from the outside world. The story is told in a much more chopped up chronology which I found to be detrimental to the pacing. The first game had a straightforward narrative and it worked very well, and this game has to dice up its story to make it seem more complex, but just comes off as pretentious. For example, by the end of the prologue (about a hour and a half) you play as three different characters. This leads into the strange structure of this game’s story, aside from having the linearity chopped up at times. 

The most controversial moment of the game is the moment of Joel’s death and how it occurred. While this event was not unexpected for myself and others, the manner of which he died is what’s justifiably pissing people off. A brand new character is introduced named Abby (and one of the three characters we briefly play as shortly before) and without any background or indication of who she is, brutally tortures and executes Joel in front of Ellie’s eyes. It’s not difficult to see director Neil Druckmann cackling with satisfaction of his subversion of expectations. It’s simply toying with the emotions of fans, and he has to expect and stand by any criticism he’s gotten for how this scene went down. However, this moment does make more sense as the story unfolds, but its no less a heavy handed and manipulative move for the sake of auteur video game storytelling.

Ever since I witnessed the brutal death of one of my favorite video game characters of all time, my only though was “they better justify this.” It was never “this is horrible and irredeemable, and “Naughty Dog is off its rocker,” like many people seem to have reacted. It was gut wrenching, but I knew Naughty Dog has a pension for organic characters, and in the back of my mind I knew I had to give this game its fair shot, and see if and/or how Naughty Dog justified a scene liable to piss off virtually every single fan of the original game. This is a poor spot of the game, but the structure of the game itself is, for me, the biggest issue of Part II. In the end, I don’t mind Joel’s death as much seeing the context surrounding it, although it still should have been handled entirely differently. 

Neil Druckmann proudly pulls a Metal Gear Solid 2 move, and entirely switches protagonists for a huge portion of the game (about 45%). Abby turns out to be the main character once the halfway point of the game hits. Following Joel’s death is about 9-11 hours playing as Ellie on her revenge quest to find Abby and kill her. The motivation is justified, being in the room with Ellie as she watched her father figure die in agony in front of her. Ellie’s portion of the campaign makes sense, Abby’s makes less. The structure of the story comes to a high point mid way through, where Abby and Ellie finally meet to clash. After all this build up, and around the same time of the game where the first game had its conclusion, everything halts and resets. 

We are suddenly dropped into the Abby story, showing her side of things, and why she would want to kill Joel. I do think the story directly surrounding her motivation is well done, but the problem is, a large portion of Abby’s story has literally nothing to do with Joel or Ellie. We effectively see why Abby would want revenge on Joel, but then we have to tag along on a major side journey while Abby helps a trans kid and his sister escape the cult they grew up in. I get that it helps develop more empathy for Abby as a character, but Abby’s story should have been at least cut in half to keep the overall story more focused and flowing. Many times while deep into Abby’s story I honestly forgot what the point of what I was doing is, and was getting confused on which events had happened and which hadn’t. 

Abby herself is a good character, and after all has been said and done, she is the third best character in this series so far. It’s a shame though that so much of her story is a direct waste of time, despite more of an excuse for more of the same great gameplay and set-piece moments. Empathy and perspective are the two big themes of this game. The best thing I can say about Part II is it convinced me of something I thought was near inconvincible: it made me like and root for Abby after the scene of Joel’s death. However, while the theme of the game is “all of your enemies have their own backstory,” Par II doesn’t teach us anything new whatsoever. Abby’s father was the surgeon Joel killed upon saving Ellie from the Fireflies at the climax of Part I. But Joel (and Ellie) killed a lot of random enemies in the first game, most of them players won’t even remember specifically. 

The fact that we have an entire video game showing us the perspective of one single person who wants revenge on Joel is a story that doesn’t need to be told. Any NPC we killed in the first game had family or friends who would also want revenge on Joel as well. We don’t learn anything new. This whole series is just marauder against marauder. Joel has never been a good guy, and that’s never been a secret. Joel is shown as an anti-hero even before the conclusion of the first game. It’s partially what makes him such a cool character. We only rooted for Joel because we were seeing things from his perspective. If the first game was entirely about Abby and Joel was framed as the bad guy, the results would have been the same: Abby would be our point-of-view “hero” character, while Joel was clearly the villain. Part II is not the epiphany Neil Drukmann likely wanted his audience to experience.

As anyone can see, the graphics and performances of Part II are incredible. While the story and structure are nothing too special (because it ruins its great moments by long drawn out heavy handed moments), at least the game itself is engaging to play and is gorgeous to look at. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest myself, and the game mainly taking place in Seattle, I enjoyed being totally waterlogged throughout the entire experience. If the story isn’t depressing enough on its own, the weather will certainly get to you. The core characters themselves are portrayed extremely well via motion capture and voice acting as well. I’m wondering why Neil Druckmann didn’t just make a Netflix series beings he is clearly so focused on the character’s interpersonal relationships. This is especially true for Joel and Ellie once again. Side characters are well acted, but have less of an effect on the core story, which is a huge tragedy when so much effort was clearly put into bringing them to life.

There’s no doubt Naughty Dog accomplished their specific goal in making you as depressed as possible. To be honest, it reminded me of some of my favorite books about stories of conflicting emotions and ending on depressing notes. Even though Part II is far from perfect, it’s still a juggernaut of a single-player game with amazing graphics, acting, responsive gameplay. I like the ways it proved me wrong on stuff I thought was unchangeable, and for that, it has my deep respect. It may not be for everyone, not even fans of the first, but if you come at it with an honest open mind and let yourself drop your ego enough to take in this entire story, I think it’s a daring piece of media that might age very well in time.

7/10

[reformedkingsmanagent]

Okay, stupid question BUT. What are 4 games you would recommend someone to play in a heartbeat?

Let me preface this with: I am Sony all the way, at least up to now. If they keep on keepin’ on with the next generation, I’ll stay that way. For me, I primarily play story-focused games. So for me, Sony and Playstation have managed to secure the exclusives that appeal to me. 

Okay. So, I’m (MOSTLY) going to stick with the current generation as it’s most accessible and available. Which honestly is pretty easy given the advances in storytelling we’ve witnessed this generation alone.

And here we go!

1. The Last of Us

This is a given with me. If you’ve listened to me talk about games at all, this one almost always comes up. Yes, it was first released on PS3. So whether you have a PS3 or PS4, this title should be pretty inexpensive at this point. 

This isn’t on this list because of the gameplay. It’s fine, it’s functional, it takes some getting used to, lots of waiting because: stealth. It’s here because this is, in my opinion, one of the best told stories in video games. It’s a good story in general, but the use of environmental storytelling, the quality of the banter and moments that are easily missed, the slow growth of the relationship over time through your time with the game... It’s done masterfully well. Neil Druckmann is a genius. Whatever formula he has for writing, it’s working, with this and with Uncharted 4, Uncharted The Lost Legacy, and soon with The Last of Us Part II. I still haven’t seen anything like it.

Okay, as for the next, I’m going to go with...

2. God of War (2018)

I’ve played all the prior God of War titles. Ascension, the psp games, all of them. God of War 3 felt like the best we could possibly get with the character that was Kratos.

I’m so relieved Cory Barlog proved me wrong. 

As a female gamer, I treasure those moments where I feel powerful. It’s not too often, at least in terms of games that appeal to me (shout out to Aloy and Lara Croft!). I didn’t expect to bond with Atreus and Kratos and even Mimir as much as I did. I never felt excluded or never thought that the story was unrelatable. In fact, as with the Last of Us, my lack of a father figure growing up only made this more meaningful for me. 

This game is stunning. The combat is SO SATISFYING! It’s a grand tale of an adventure with the background of a stunted relationship between father and son. The constant over the shoulder camera, not broken at all throughout the game, gives you the sense that you are there with them. It’s such a refreshing thing, seeing game directors choose to go out of the box with certain things. This is a must play as an all-around good game. The Leviathan Axe is amazing on its own.

3. Divinity: Original Sin 2

This is not a console-exclusive game. In fact, for the longest time it was inaccessible to me as I don’t have a gaming PC, until they released the Definitive Editions for consoles. Still, it was a good while (a year about) before it was released on consoles. It’s now also available on Nintendo Switch!

CRPGs are definitely not for everyone. They weren’t for me when I first tried it. Too complicated, multiple systems running in the background, and at that point with no knowledge on the rules of D&D and how it would apply to a game like this, stats, usefulness of certain things over others, the freedom of the game, etc, it was honestly far too complex for me.

Thanks to watching some of Critical Role as well as going back and watching CohhCarnage’s playthrough of the game (some, not all, his playthrough on youtube is easily over 100+ hours) I felt like it was doable.

So I jumped back in. With a better understanding of how things worked, I spent over 120 hours on my own playthrough. The story and characters are wonderful, the grand scale of the game felt insane to me! The absolute freedom to create your character in terms of what their expertise would be, how you want them to talk to other characters, etc, it was just giving me everything I wanted from a game like Dragon Age (I will say, companion interactions and romances are obviously top notch over there, but the gameplay leaves something to be desired). It clicked so much for me primarily because I don’t have real friends to play D&D with, so this was the next best thing. It’s an amazing game. Can’t wait to see what Larian does with Baldur’s Gate III.

Finally...and narrowing this one down was difficult, let me tell you...

4. Final Fantasy X

An oldie but a goodie. This game is available on basically all consoles at this point. It’ll be on Xbox GamePass soon with all the other Square Enix titles like Kingdom Hearts, etc, so if you have an Xbox, prepare yourself.

This was one of the first games I played fully on my own.It came out in 2001. I would’ve been about 9 years old. I don’t know exactly when I played it, but I didn’t finish it the first time around. It wasn’t until high school that I went back and actually completed it all the way through. Before that I’d relied upon my step-dad’s gamesaves to experience the ending of both X and X-2. But doing it for myself still felt fresh and new. And heartbreaking.

This is the sort of gaming convention (turn-based combat) that I wish would make a real comeback. Everything about it in this title is smooth and smart. We’ll see how Yakuza 7 does! Who knows, maybe the FFVII remake in Classic mode will scratch that itch (though the new battle system looks insanely good too). 

This entry in the extensive Final Fantasy franchise stands out to me personally (next to Final Fantasy IX) as one of the best stories offered. I still cry even though I know what happens and exactly when. And I still haven’t explored the game’s depths (screw you celestial weapons!). The fact that it’s still in the back of my mind to return to this tells me it’s quality. Try it if you haven’t. Enjoy it.

Honorable mentions: Tomb Raider reboot franchise, Mass Effect 2, Batman Arkham franchise, Uncharted franchise (specifically 4 and TLL), Detroit: Become Human, Dishonored franchise, Prey, Resident Evil 7 (PLAY IT IN VR IF POSSIBLE!), Bioshock franchise.

Thanks for listening, and asking!

Go enjoy video games!

[entergamingxp]

The Last of Us Part 2 Proves Love is the Anchor for Its Consequences

July 13, 2020 1:00 PM EST

The Last of Us Part 2 is an unconventional love story that dissects the human emotional psyche through its incredible characters.

Spoiler Warning: This article does mention some story moments from The Last of Us Part 2. We’d recommend coming back to this piece after playing through the full game.

Like countless other players who have completed The Last of Us Part 2, my emotions were in tethers by the end. Having spent almost 40 hours exploring its beautiful but forbidding world, capturing infinite pictures in photo mode, and absorbing the unyieldingly intense narrative, I felt like I needed a very long vacation that included a very large, free bar. Without a doubt, The Last of Us Part 2 is designed to make you feel strongly about its actions and storyline, so if you come away from it with feelings of disgust, sadness, anger, regret, or admiration, then Naughty Dog has ultimately fulfilled its purpose. There are no heroes or villains in Part 2; no one truly “wins.” But what I did discover, beneath the rage and revenge, is that love is the anchor in which those intense feelings have grown from. So in essence, The Last of Us Part 2 is at its core an unconventional love story about the things you will do because of it.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have an intense dislike towards Abby when that scene happened with Joel. Initially, I felt sick, then angry, and then a feeling that I hadn’t quite counted on, and that’s wanting to understand Abby’s actions. What could possibly drive someone to act out a horrendous crime like this? At the time, Abby was someone I had absolutely no backstory context on, other than that she belonged to the WLF and she was out for Joel’s blood. Instead of taking Abby’s actions as “this is a bad person; I hate her and want her dead”, I wanted to know what warranted this profound fury and further along, I got my answer. Abby’s emotional anchor in The Last of Us Part 2 is love: the adoration she had for her father who died at the hands of Joel. Without this initial feeling, Abby would never have taken her journey, nor would it have produced her deep-seated response of rage and revenge.

“Abby’s emotional anchor in The Last of Us Part 2 is love: the adoration she had for her father who died at the hands of Joel.”

It was easy for me to apply empathy once I found out what spurred on Abby’s motivation. Here was a young woman who had witnessed the demise of her father, a brilliant doctor whose passion and love for humanity drove him to want to do good things, but this was cut short by Joel’s desire to keep the one thing he loved as well. From that, Abby built her entire love for her father around retribution and the flip side of that love coin – obsession. Neil Druckmann from Naughty Dog had said that The Last of Us was built around love, and Part 2 was built around hate, but I don’t agree with that at all. The Last of Us Part 2 shows us (in my opinion) the lengths we go for love, what actions it will drive us toward, and–in the end–is revenge worth losing love for?

This analogy can also be reproduced with Joel. I’ve listened to many people discuss that what Joel did at the end of The Last of Us with Ellie was an unforgivable act of selfishness and, in part, they are absolutely correct. But what some people tend to forget about Joel is that he is a flawed person, just like the rest of the characters and also us, the players. When Joel lost his daughter Sarah, his whole world fell apart. He struggled with living and had essentially lost his purpose; that was until he met Ellie. Ellie gave Joel that unconditional love of what being a father was back again and in his mind, he’d move heaven and earth to never lose it again. The idea that another “daughter” could be ripped from his life again sent Joel over the edge. So he made the only decision he could, and that was to take Ellie away and protect her at all costs; even at the cost of humanity.

I think you would need to have a heart of stone not to understand why Joel made this choice, or at the very least, aren’t as truthful with your own real-life decisions as you initially thought. Humans, by default, are fragile creatures prone to ego, self-centeredness, and an innate desire to self-preserve, providing a cocktail of ingredients that are later mixed in with learned behaviors like love, kindness, and empathy. At many points in our lives, we choose or will eventually choose our own selfishness over what’s right for the greater good – this is part of the natural mechanic that makes up the human complexity. Granted this may not be as dramatic or as horrific as Joel and Ellie’s situation, but it still provides the same outcome. Our own desires and love for something (or someone) can outweigh what is perceived as technically the “right thing to do.” More times than not, we will do it anyway regardless, because of our fear of loss and our need to love.

“The Last of Us Part 2 is at its core an unconventional love story about the things you will do because of it.”

There is a certain point in the original The Last of Us where young Ellie is chatting with Sam, and he asks her what she is most afraid of. Ellie replies “being by myself; I’m scared of ending up alone,” and by the end of Part 2, this is exactly what happens to Ellie. Her lust for revenge blinded her initial deep-rooted fear of being left in a savage, loveless world on her own. She was so dazzled by wanting to get justice for Joel, that she forgot that there was still love to be found in Dina, who followed her with unchained and unconditional devotion. It took almost drowning Abby to make her see that this wasn’t the path that she wanted to be on any longer. Killing Abby couldn’t bring Joel back, and from seeing what killing Joel did to Abby, there certainly was no absolution from the heart wrenching pain and love that she still held passionately for Joel – the anchor that led her to where she now was – eventually broke through the blinding red mist.

Probably for me, the most surprising relationship that I took away from The Last of Us Part 2 was that between Abby and Lev. Here are two enemies who have relentlessly fought against each other’s camps for years without really questioning it. We soon find out that Lev has led a very sheltered life; his naivety and innocence are mostly down to the harsh and regimented environment of the devout Seraphites. But even though he is trained to kill the WLF, which Abby is a part of, he helps her due to questioning the Seraphite’s traditions. The two form a unique and dependent relationship; they put aside their differences initially to help Lev’s sister, but it soon develops into a beautiful kinship. Even though Abby’s intentions stem from her redemption arc, she learns to love and care for Lev as if he were her own child. Part of this may come from seeing herself in Lev when she was younger and having lost her father, as Lev lost his mother.

“Even though Abby’s intentions stem from her redemption arc, she learns to love and care for Lev as if he were her own child.”

As much as The Last of Us Part 2 surrounds itself in the neverending cycle of violence through its narrative and gameplay, I believe that Naughty Dog left it up to the players to find out what the real, true message of this sequel was. For me, it couldn’t have been any clearer than how love was at the core of almost every action of its characters, and how it then drove people to do unquestionable acts. It showed that at times, there are many complexities and ugly faces to what we know of love, and that anyone who has ever acquired it will know that it’s not solely butterflies and rainbows; it’s brutal, frightening, lonely, and painful. Without it, I truly believe The Last of Us Part 2 would not have existed, nor would it have had such an impactful response not only to the characters, but to the players as well.

July 13, 2020 1:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/07/the-last-of-us-part-2-proves-love-is-the-anchor-for-its-consequences/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-last-of-us-part-2-proves-love-is-the-anchor-for-its-consequences

[theclarkystuff-blog]

Uncharted 4 : A Thief's End

When I got my first PS3 in 2009,  Uncharted:Drake’s Fortune would be one of the first games I bought for the system which was being championed as one of the best games the PS3 had going for it at the time. While I found it to be an enjoyable Indiana Jones or Tomb Raider style affair it had a number of faults ranging from too many bland shoot outs, bullet sponge enemies terrible six axis controls for throwing grenades and inconsistent performance.Uncharted 2 and 3 would go on to fix many of the problems UC1 suffered from while displaying much better visuals, level designs, combat and overall polish, Naughty Dog,  who already had much critical acclaim already with the Crash Bandicoot and Jax & Daxter series was steadily rising up to become one of the greatest game studios in the industry before the time it released it’s PS3 swan song and later PS4 remaster, The Last Of US, it’s masterpiece written and directed by Neil Druckmann alongside Bruce Straley (director), both of whom had worked on previous Uncharted games in various roles. By the time Naughty Dog would get around to making its first real game with the PS4 specs in mind it would turn out to be a different affair not only in hardware  but in which series creator Amy Hennig would have no input due to leaving the studio and development of Uncharted 4 completely changing after departure of it’s director, Justin Richmond, who had also directed previous entry Uncharted 3 : Drake’s Deception. Druckmann and Staley would direct the next entry with the writing being handled by Druckmann and Josh Scheer. 

Getting straight into this game we get an opening very similar to that of Uncharted 2, being thrown into the middle of chaos trying to overcome a hugely dangerous situation to then be thrown to the very start of this story, to find out how it is that Nathan Drake has ended up in this mess. As we are introduced into this entry we learn of two new things in Nathan Drake’s life, he had tied the knot with series front woman Elena Fisher, moving into a regular boring life of which he misses the adventure and excitement of old life, and the sudden re-introduction of his long lost brother, Sam Drake, a brother nobody has ever mentioned before in this series yet everybody seems to know now? Well okay. The big motivator in the plot we are giving is that Sam owes a debt to drug lord Hector Alcazar, a debt which can only seemingly be paid off with the treasure of infamous pirate Henry Avery, to which Nate is happy to throw away his 9 to 5 and lie to his wife to go to his life of monkeying around and dodging bullets. The start of the game seems to move somewhat at a slower rate compared to its predecessors, as we move between stories explaining what events lead to Sam Drake ending up in a Panamanian jail and that displaying what life Nate has at the present, which involves us doing his day job, going to the office, getting dinner and playing Crash Bandicoot on his old school PlayStation 1, while I can easily see an influence from The Last Of Us story telling I begin to wonder if this is appropriate for an Uncharted game, both games being very different from each other but lets roll along with the punches. 

The controls for the game are much the same as the have been for the previous games, using dual analogs to aim, d pad to change weapons, face buttons being used for jumping and climbing, hand to hand combat, activating items or pulling switches, we are introduced to a new mechanic early, for which mostly comes across as a hook shot, this which will allow Nate to swing off posts or branches, climb down safely to lower platforms or catch onto safety posts after a jump, this new item helps keep the game-play feel fresh. The direction this game seems to take is to avoid the familiar gunfights as much as possible get us to use stealth as much as possible during a heist at an illegal auction, an auction in which we will meet the true protagonists in this entry, Rafe Adler and Nadine Ross, the Drake brothers previous financier and a hired mercenary who are also both interested in finding Avery’s treasure first. The stealth mechanics in this game follow usual rules seen in other games which means avoid light, create distractions, tread carefully, limit noise, hiding in long grass,  it isn’t until Chapter 8 before the game starts to feel like a traditional Uncharted game again, bringing in a mix of its usual platforming which requires you to find a path around landscapes and close shave gun battles, although again at this point the game will try and push us to use stealth again, with some of its most open and biggest level designs in an Uncharted game a few handy mechanics are added which will allow you to highlight enemies to make them easier to spot as they move around on patrol. While many will probably be able to do this game without so much as leaving a hint of themselves behind I suck at this and have to resort to shooting out against various units, while I appreciate that the game can accustom to both styles of play and get away with it, I think now it maybe nice to go back into this game more experienced and try it without having to murder so many people so at least it lends itself well for being able have difference and various playthroughs, yet again another mechanic I noticed which seems to have been lifted and applied from The Last Of Us again.

Getting to the middle of the game I felt like the pacing of the game has been plod with run around quests it feels like which ends up leading us to maps of maps taking us to Scotland and Madagascar before reaching  Libertalia and New Devon, where the game feels like it gets a second wind and picks up pace, not that I am trying to write off all of the second act as bad but between levels which feel like they are padded with this huge level design and various vehicle sections which feel like they are only meant to keep us busy for a while, in-between some of these badly placed sections though are some great moments, such as climbing up the clock tower and the car chase really help make up for these moments, but the well crafted story and well delivered dialog by the cast help keep the game interesting, we are given a story which tries to focus on Nathan Drake as a human with a life and a future, rather than one of him being a superhero who goes around stealing, murdering, escaping deathtraps, charming women who happens to be the only good guy around when others are trying to steal cursed artifacts which may happen to be more deadly than valuable, we instead get given an Uncharted story that says in his fictional world maybe the relationships in which he has built are more valuable to him personally than discovering an ancient civilization or buried treasure, perhaps a train of thought that is spurred on as he progresses on this quest or perhaps with having Sam back in his life and realizes what he had missing in his life for the past 15 years. Towards this part in the game we are giving another mechanic and item to aid you in climbing, using this you can stab into certain climbable surfaces which in turn will allow Nate to pull himself up to another hand hole to progress his climb, while this yet again could be seen as another design to prolong the game I found this a welcome addition as yet again like the rope, it keeps the game fresh to the point I wish it was introduced sooner in the game so I could use it more, but I guess I cannot level a complaint at this mechanic as it does exist. 

In getting to the final act of this game I feel it is hitting its peak with a great use of familiar game-play, well designed levels to solve puzzles and platform in and story telling, I do happen to miss what I feel are normal ticks in the Uncharted series, no longer do we have a cursed treasure that brought down or helped raise an ancient civilization or the desire of group of explorers which turned out to hold some super natural power which required it to be hidden, instead we get a focus on character development and story with scenarios from previous Uncharted games feeling like they have are being revisted here again, with similar jungle settings and certain characters joining you again, reminding you of the growth these characters have gone through in how they handled a situation and how they handle them now,  yet again another quality which seems to have come from The Last Of US.  While the final battle with Rafe is a cool fight it feels disappointing we never get what I feel is a true battle with Nadine, the game builds her up to be a bad ass and for what you feel could be an interesting battle with her but are only given 2 short punch ups with her throughout the entire game, while we know she will take a leading role in the new Uncharted - Lost Frontier I feel there was a missed opportunity to shine a better light on this new character by giving a chance to show off her supposed full combat skills but I guess she will be better defined later on. The game ends on a nice note which leads up open to all kinds of possibilities with it hinting at new adventures with Sam and Sully or with a much younger and new protagonist, we know upcoming DLC turned full game entry Lost Legacy will expand on Nadine and  Chloe Frazer in their own adventure should help cement the idea that despite Nathan Drake’s adventuring days being behind him, the Uncharted series may go full steam ahead.

While I have a positive experience with Uncharted 4, feeling that it is a great entry into the series, better than Uncharted 3, I feel that this game lacks some of the polish that Uncharted 2 had. This game has a fantastic mix of old and new ideas but while I can see Naughty Dog must have been excited to escape from the limitations the PS3 has began to present them, some of this game feels like it has been made big for the sake of big rather than being a consistent and well paced package, while I am sure a lot of positive parts from this game will be recycled into upcoming titles in the series it leaves me in some comfort that ND have already confirmed that LL will be a much shorter game than UC4, in turn I hope it can be more focused. Art design in this game is perhaps some of the best I have seen in a game, with so much attention paid to how rooms are laid out, with pictures, furniture, plants, stone and various others painting a wonderful and lived in environment  and some fantastic lighting and water effects which beautifully illuminate areas with torch or sunlight or even reflect the world around it, I do feel a little bummed that despite there best efforts the game cannot hit 60 frames per second in single player, instead focusing on maintaining a full 1080p rendering resolution, while some people are of the opinion that the frame rate is usually tied to just visuals I have often found games running at 60fps tend to offer better input response or feedback, while this maintains a solid enough 30fps there are moments it may drop once and a while I have read on a PS4 Pro at the framerate is a solid 30fps, I feel as though I should also point out at this point the online multiplayer for this game does run at 60fps although the game will render at 900p resolution, losing some of the detail normally seen in the single player. My other gripe is a wish that for aiming the game doesn’t use the built in gyro at all, a shame as games that tend to support gyro aiming usually end up with a system better for aiming than relying on a second analog, but these complaints are merely focusing on stuff not in the game rather than anything that is really at fault with the core gameplay. Naughty Dog delivers another fantastic video game and slow wave goodbye to its previous poster boy Nathan Drake that proves this studio are more than capable of delivering great games with a well rounded story with deep characters, while not perfect it is a solid overall product if not one of the best games available for the PS4. I have given an opinion on the multiplayer side of this game as I have not tried it due to not having a subscription to PSN+ but as a single player experience, I felt that I got more than enough value from this game.

[thebloggerryan-blog]

The Last of Us Part 2 Trailer 2 Analysis

Ryan Toscano

10/30/2017

Recap:

So the second trailer for The Last of Us Part 2 has dropped, and while there was no gameplay, no Ellie, and no Joel, there is still a ton to take away from this trailer. The opening black is coated with the sounds of rain and thunder in a forest. We are looking up into the trees until the camera moves down revealing two hooded figures dragging someone into the dense forest. One of these figures looks like a large man, and the other a women, so I can’t be the only one who was wondering if this was Joel and Ellie.

It isn’t. Instead we see a couple of big “goon” types, and a braid haired woman who seems to be some sort of cult leader. We’ll get to this in a little bit. The scene is in The Last of Us fashion, and by that I mean grim. The only source of light is from the source of a torched car, and hanging in the trees are bodies… gutted bodies. And unfortunately for the lady being dragged in the woods, this seems to be her fate, as she is swiftly strung up by her neck and promptly lifted. A bucket to tip toe on the only means to prevent asphyxiation.

The women reveals herself to her apparent victim and takes out her shiv. “You are nested with sin” she claims just before lifting her shirt and placing that blade upon her belly. “Nested” is such a perfect word here in this world. Creating “nests” is exactly what clickers do. From underground subway systems to college dorms, nests are clickers specialty. Just this simple choice of word creates a level of horror. Then the braided women tells her to “breathe in” which can’t help but bring my mind to the fungal spores of the infected.

A scream from the woods sends a goon off to the forest, and he comes back with another goon, holding a young girl by her arms. This girl is named Yara. We learn this from the braided cult leader as she approaches. I say “cult leader” because she specifically calls Yara (and Lev, we’ll get to him soon) an“apostate.” An apostate is someone who renounces a religious OR political belief. One small detail later in the trailer leads me to lean on the religious end of the spectrum. This being when Lev refers to the infected/clickers as “demons.”

Upon the cult leader requesting to know where “the other apostate” is, Yara spits in her face. A defiance that brings me back to Ellie snapping David’s finger during the incredible “Winter” sequence of the first game. This leads to another interesting use of dialog, when the goons are ordered to “clip her (Yara’s) wings.” There is one true as blue winged animal that is a focus in The Last of Us and that is a firefly.

Yara’s left arm is brutally smashed in with a hammer. This is the kind of brutality you get with The Last of Us, and the scene continues to deliver when an arrow pierces through the face of the goon ready to smash Yara’s remaining working arm, and then another through his heart. Lev is apparently a damn good shot.  The distraction allows Yara to grab the hammer and smash the face of goon #2.

Yara raises to her feet grabbing the hammer, as cult leader raises her gun, only to be distracted from a shot in the woods. All this time leaves the viewer, and the cult leader, to forget about the chick they noosed up on the tree. She wraps her legs around the cult leader's throat, slowing her down just enough for Yara to smash the sharp end of the hammer through the cult leader’s temple. The first struggle is over and it’s wake the women left on the noose is left dangling without a bucket, choking.

Lev reveals himself from the woods, claims that the “demons are coming,” and is told by Yara to “cut her down.” He denies her at first, claiming that she’s “one of them,” but is convinced when Yara tells him again more sternly. Not only does Yara understand that without her, she would likely be dead, but also if the “demons” are coming, someone is going to have to make up for her broken arm.

The three stars of the trailers are revealed to us in an Avengers like camera pan. The lady that was hung up is extremely jacked, holding the hammer just pulled out of the head of the dead cult leader. Lev has his bow pulled back, looking from side to side as the rustling and groans from the infected draw nearer. Yara is holding the shiv up in her right arm, as her broken left arms hangs at her side. Yara and Lev are told to “watch their backs,” the violin music picks up slightly, and a vicious pack of clickers comes their way.

Analysis: 

There is so much good stuff to take away from this trailer. I want to start with the religious aspects of the trailer, and how it projects the tale we are getting from The Last of us Part 2. “Apostate” is the big clue here in the trailer, along with the word choice of “demon”, but the tiny touches in the trailer really bang the point home. The whole vibe of the trailer screams “satanist sacrifice.”

From the very beginning we are looking at figures cloaked in black, dragging someone away to be hung up and displayed. The only source of light in this trailer is a fire of a burning car. Fire and satan are obvious connection, but then the gutted bodies hung up on the trees make my mind jump to human sacrifice. The leader of the goons talks of “sin” is an obvious nod to religion. Even the string instrument that plays throughout the trailer creates the music that is often so associated with church.

The strongest moment in my mind, is when Yara is being held down in order to have her “wings clipped.” When she is laid out on the ground  her arm are stretched out horizontally, and her legs are pulled straight down. The goons holding her down are using a hammer to smash her arms in. This scene isn’t just a girl being tortured, this is directly using Yara as a symbol of Jesus. Of course it is done its very own The Last of Us way, because instead of having  her hands and feet nailed to a cross, she is getting her “wings” bludgeoned on the cold dirt.

In my recap I mentioned that the word “wings” was an easy reference to make towards firefly’s, but what if it’s something else? In religion, angels are known for their halo’s and their wings. Is this trailer insinuating that Yara is an angel of this world in some way?

While we’re looking into the symbolism of Yara the character, it’s also important to think of what this name means. I have found three different meanings for the name water that I’ll break down in order of importance. The first meaning is Brazilian, and in that culture Yara is a name that represents “water lady.” The trailer is covered in rain. Other than this I can’t reason anything in particular with what we’re given.

The second meaning is Persian, and in that culture, Yara means “someone you love.” Obviously Lev is a pretty good first choice as this someone. They look like they could be brother and sister, and their bond may be a relationship that The Last of Us Part 2 looks to explore just as much as Joel’s and Ellie’s relationship. This could also just mean how the player is going to feel about Yara. For as amazing as Joel is as a character, it’s easy to claim that the character players latched on to in The Last of Us was Ellie. With Ellie’s rage seemingly at a pinnacle for the sequel, Yara may be the character that you truly love. The character that you hope and pray gets out of the sequel unscathed, more so than any of the other characters.

It is the third meaning of the name Yara that really makes me think. This meaning is in arabic, and it is “small butterfly.” For one let's get this out of the way, Yara is young, she is small. Butterfly is the key word here. I keep being drawn back to “clip her wings.” Maybe this doesn’t refer to a firefly, or an angel, but a butterfly. Upon looking up the word “butterfly” you find out that a butterfly is a symbol of  endurance, hope, and life. Even more important is that in religion, a butterfly is symbolic of resurrection.

This meaning behind the name Yara as well as the hanging from the cross symbolism, really pits Yara as a symbol for Jesus. But what would the Jesus of this post fungus-apocalypse world be? With Christianity, Jesus died for our sins, and then later resurrected. You would think that Ellie’s character would be more fitting for the symbolism that they are putting on display for Yara. For me I am unsure, but I love seeing the clues that Neil Druckmann and company are leaving for us, and I’m so excited to see how this story puts those pieces into motion.

The Last of Us was a game that was all about the pitfalls of government. From the onset when panic caused the murder of Joel’s daughter, to the revolution in Pittsburgh (as well as other location) that led to nothing more than more violence, to the firefly’s themselves who were willing to stop at nothing to push their cause. At every turn you were being told a story about government tyranny and oppression. It seems like The Last of Us Part 2 looks to tackles the flip side of the same coin. I of course don’t have all the answers, and by the end of this soon to be masterpiece, I’m sure I’ll be left with more questions. I just can’t wait for the ride to officially begin. 

Quick Notes:

Lev is incredible with that bow. One through the face, and the next through the heart!

Lev is a Russian baby name that means ‘lion.” This trailer alone made me fall in love with all three of these characters, especially Yara and Lev. I’m excited to see how the traits of a lion will embody in his c Lev. The most obvious turn is potentially to his courage, but The Last of Us is a series that likes to swerve.

Lev is a Russian baby name that means ‘lion.” This trailer alone made me fall in love with all three of these characters, especially Yara and Lev. I’m excited to see how the traits of a lion will embody in his c Lev. The most obvious turn is potentially to his courage, but The Last of Us is a series that likes to swerve.

The lady being hung like a scarecrow is absolutely jacked! I would not want to see a brawl between her and Tess break out… Or maybe I would? How much are the tickets?

I truly believe that Yara could end up stealing the show in The Last of Us Part 2. We have already seen so much awesomeness from this clip that��s less than six minutes. Her defiance to spit in that woman’s face, her triumph when she plows that hammer through her skull, and her intelligence when she insisted that Lev “cut her down.”

There may have also been quite the gameplay clue hidden in this CGI trailer. Neil Druckmann has announced that this was an “in game cutscene.” Since this is the case, we can assume that you fight that pack of clickers right after. The nameless character of the trailer picks up a hammer, so a hammer seems like it just may be a new melee weapon! How brutalizing, and fitting, is that for The Last of Us?

I’m not the greatest at understanding musical scores, let’s get that out of the way. It seemed to me the music that lifted at the end of the trailer, just before the arrival of the clickers, was the same notes from the main theme of The Last of Us, but done with a violin and not a guitar. If so it is just another beautiful touch on a beautiful game. 

[gluion]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ kim taerae

kim taerae x reader, slight sung hanbin x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with taerae.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hanbin is your ex, zhanghao and matthew appearance :’), elements of the last of us (don’t support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u’re remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo’s the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ thought i'd make my official debut to zeroseblr with this lil piece that i absolutely love!! i hope you guys look forward to more zb1 fics from me :DD here's the original one if you're interested! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hanbin’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember hanbin’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, hanbin was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and hanbin found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hanbin was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hanbin. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hanbin would be with you.

still, time continues to move. hanbin knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and hanbin met zhanghao, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hanbin was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to zhanghao, you and hanbin got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hanbin decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. zhanghao became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and zhanghao reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hanbin fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, hanbin glanced at zhanghao, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moved, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but zhanghao kept his arms around you, holding you back. from letting the infected reach you. from letting hanbin come back to you.

the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hanbin, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, zhanghao dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hanbin, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, zhanghao saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to zhanghao, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named taerae.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hanbin left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hanbin’s last words to you play on repeat. the ones he failed to say. the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“hao, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hanbin’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “taerae! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, zhanghao caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hanbin did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still. lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of taerae’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

taerae still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and taerae got used to the new dynamic; while he went hunting and you were tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night came, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to taerae who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—zhanghao, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met zhanghao a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, taerae never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented zhanghao after what happened.” you moved your gaze to taerae whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hanbin’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw zhanghao,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told taerae that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of zhanghao; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hanbin you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, taerae listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and taerae found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he’s only a year younger than hanbin, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, taerae promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and taerae who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “i was there for my upperclassmen’s graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i knew the people in the music program and we were going to celebrate after. until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hanbin.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of taerae’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hanbin and zhanghao now stay. your mouth turned dry as taerae’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hanbin’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hanbin being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hanbin that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 

the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects?

how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of zhanghao that once caressed your face. the lips of hanbin that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were taerae’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

taerae took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. taerae still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; taerae goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and taerae decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the taerae’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

taerae’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hanbin’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes which glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named matthew, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and taerae grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hanbin still lives?

but one glance at taerae was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” matthew asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met taerae’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. taerae was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and matthew to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with taerae.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how taerae shines.

you needed to get some sleep, is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left taerae, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by and another goodbye had to be done. matthew stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were taerae’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told matthew before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and taerae found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached taerae’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how taerae’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his sister, and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a strawberry and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of red and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with taerae by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hanbin. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw taerae crouched in front of the console table with eyes trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hanbin with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside taerae. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at taerae and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hanbin, and 11 months since zhanghao told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with taerae, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hanbin; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in taerae’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and taerae stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how taerae came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “taerae, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw taerae holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “taerae!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing taerae’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up. making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how taerae’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“taerae!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as taerae was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and taerae fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but taerae came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, front-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how taerae holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

taglist ➵ @kflixnet @blankjournal

[gluion]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ jacob bae

jacob bae x reader, slight lee hyunjae x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with jacob.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no-gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hyunjae is your ex, changmin and kevin appearance :'), elements of the last of us (don't support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u're remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by @wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo's the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ my life changed forever reading shawna's piece. thank you for letting me write a piece based on your work (if you haven't read it, go check it out!) just like you, i am a sucker for apocalypse aus :')) hope i did justice to your beautiful work. anyway, love wins all coming out yesterday was a miracle because it's definitely made for this fic </3 thank you to @heemingyu and @deobienthusiast for betareading a bit of this! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hyunjae’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember hyunjae’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, hyunjae was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and hyunjae found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hyunjae was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hyunjae. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hyunjae would be with you.

still, time continues to move. hyunjae knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and hyunjae met changmin, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hyunjae was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to changmin, you and hyunjae got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hyunjae decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. changmin became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and changmin reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hyunjae fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, hyunjae glanced at changmin, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moves, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but changmin kept his arms around you, holding you back from letting the infected reach you, from letting hyunjae come back to you.

the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hyunjae, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, changmin dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hyunjae, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, changmin saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to changmin, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named jacob.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hyunjae left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hyunjae’s last words to you play on repeat—the ones he failed to say, the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“changmin, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hyunjae’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “jacob! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, changmin caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hyunjae did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still, lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of jacob’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

jacob still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and jacob got used to the new dynamic; while he goes hunting and you’re tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night would come, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to jacob who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—changmin, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met changmin a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, jacob never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented changmin after what happened.” you moved your gaze to jacob whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hyunjae’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw changmin,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told jacob that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of changmin; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hyunjae you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, jacob listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and jacob found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he was born the same year as hyunjae, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, jacob promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and jacob who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “it was my graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i was next in line to go up on the stage until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hyunjae.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of jacob’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hyunjae and changmin now stay. your mouth turned dry as jacob’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hyunjae’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hyunjae being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hyunjae that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 

the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects? how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of changmin that once caressed your face, the lips of hyunjae that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were jacob’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

jacob took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. jacob still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; jacob goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and jacob decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you on the couch, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the jacob’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

jacob’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left you as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hyunjae’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes—they glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named kevin, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and jacob grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hyunjae still lives?

but one glance at jacob was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” kevin asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met jacob’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. jacob was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and kevin to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with jacob.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how jacob shines.

you needed to get some sleep is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left jacob, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by, and another goodbye had to be done. kevin stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were jacob’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told kevin before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and jacob found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached jacob’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how jacob’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his brother, and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a pear and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of green and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with jacob by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hyunjae. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw jacob crouched in front of the console table with eyes. trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hyunjae with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside jacob. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at jacob and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hyunjae, and 11 months since changmin told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with jacob, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hyunjae; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in jacob’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and jacob stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how jacob came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “jacob, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw jacob holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “jacob!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing jacob’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up—making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how jacob’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“jacob!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as jacob was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and jacob fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but jacob came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, first-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how jacob holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

perma taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @vernyangel @mosviqu @stealanity @deobi0412 @blue-rainydays @maessseongs

[layce2015]

SPOILERS: My Two Cents on Joel's Death Scene

I've been seeing alot of criticism about how Joel's death was handled. And what's funny is that I've been seeing like a bunch of different perspectives of how it was handled.

Some people said it was good and that he deserved what he got. And that for someone like Joel, he didn't deserve a heroic death because they say he was basically the bad guy of the first game, just because of what he did at the ending of Part 1. And also, they say the game was trying to be a bit realistic, as in the real world death is sudden and you don't get to choose what kind've death you get.

And some people jump in and get mad at the people who didn't like this game and say well, you don't like it cause your straight white male character died. Which is so far from the truth!

Other people say that the way Joel died was a disrespect to his character and it felt like Naughty Dog was giving the middle finger to the fans. They say that he should've gone down in a blaze of glory. They also say the lead up to his death makes no sense cause Joel wouldn't have gone into that room as it was shown in the 1st game that he was very cautious, very untrustworthy and very smart and the writers made Joel stupid just so this scene could happen.

How do I feel about it? Well, I did say in my thoughts about Part 2 that Joel did deserve better. And I still stand by that but I wanted to go into more details about it.

And this is from someone who kinda likes the game. (Although right now I'm having a love/hate relationship with the game)

So, let's get on with it

Okay...so....I'm gonna put this out there:

No, I'm not mad that Joel died.

Honestly, I was expecting it to happen. But what I am mad about is how he died and how early in the game he died.

His death scene felt more like it should've been either at the middle or towards the end of the game, not at the fucking 2 hour mark of the damn game. Where it's placed feels more like for shock value than to tell a story. It also felt rushed like the game wanted to hurry and move along the plot.

When I first got to this scene and the moment Abby shot Joel in his knee, I ain't gonna lie I started crying. And when she gave that final blow to his head with a fucking golf club, I bawled like a baby and I couldn't stop.

I even stopped the game when I got to Ellie's 1st day in Seattle, and contemplated whether I wanted to finish the game or not because his death upset me that much. And it still upsets me.

And yes I know that's what Naughty Dog was going for, they wanted me to feel like Ellie, but the thing is...after thinking about it...his death really didn't make much sense.

How is it that a man that noticed an ambush right away just by looking at one guy holding his stomach and pleading for help then ran over that guy as a bunch of hunters come out of their hiding place is the same one who just walked into a room full of people and allowed himself to get surrounded.

And before anyone comments and say He had gone soft from living in Jackson for 4 years

We are actually shown in one of the flashbacks that he was still precocious when he tells Ellie to put on her mask. She even was like "Do I have to? It's just us." And he says "What if we run into someone?"

Plus I don't think living in one place for 4 years erases away your 20 years of living in the zombie apocalypse. And also he was shown to be untrustworthy at the very beginning of the first game when Tommy drives up to a family on the side of the road and Joel told him to keep going. And this was Joel the night of the Outbreak!

Now if we were shown, in the game, that Joel had gotten soft then maybe I would've believed it. But we weren't. Neil said in an interview that he had gone soft and I think he explained it but here's how I see it.

When you make a game, show or movie....SHOW, DON'T TELL!!

It doesn't look good when you have to explain some stuff in an interview or outside of your product when your product is supposed to do that for you, especially a video game.

Instead of having a character develop off screen, show us his development!

And for people that say Joel was the villian, go screw yourselves because he's NOT a villian. But yes he's not a hero either.

I always saw Joel as the anti-hero. He is someone that's not the good guy but he's not a bad guy either. He does things that only benefits himself or people he cares about.

Like Punisher, John Wick, Deadpool and one of the best anti-heroes, Walter 'Motherfuckin' White AKA Heisenberg.

But back to Joel, yes he has done bad things but in the world he lived in for 20 years, you have to do questionable and bad things to survive or you will die! Unfortunately, you can't live a peaceful life in the zombie apocalypse, you have to fight or you will die.

Plus let me ask you people that say Joel is a villian this, if someone you loved turned out that they are immune to a zombie-like virus and the only way they can get the cure is to kill the person you love. Would you let them kill the person you love? Or would you do everything in your power to make sure that person was alive?

I'm sure you guys would say "Oh I'd let them die to save mankind". Which is bullshit, cause if you were put in that moment, you guys would do what Joel did.

When I first finished the 1st game, I was conflicted. I wasn't for sure about the choice Joel made, but after thinking about I understood it and kinda agree with it.

Cause I know if it was my little brother or sister on that table, I'd have done the same!

Plus we aren't even sure if the cure would work! Yes I know there's a recording of the doctor talking about it and saying there's a chance for a cure. But thats the key word a CHANCE. Plus how do we know if the cure did work that the Fireflies wouldn't use that as a power play.

Cause sorry, human beings can be horrible and once they discover something that big and understand it, they want to weaponize it or do a power play and be like Oh look what I've got! Oh you want it too, well you have to do something for me first.

Anyway, I also didn't like that the game put Joel in a villainous light and it basically said that what he did was wrong, even though at the end of the 1st game it was being ambiguous and morally gray. There was no right or wrong answer to it, so I don't know what the hell happened there.

It feels like Neil Druckmann had succumbed to hating Joel and wanted him to suffer. It also feels like he hates Ellie too but that's a whole different conversation. Almost like he resents the things he has created.

And look yes, I do believe the consequences of your actions will come back to haunt you but there could've been a better way to handle Joel's death. He could've been captured and tortured and maybe Ellie tries to save him but at the last minute he dies in some form or fashion, I'm not sure.

Or how about this?

Have Abby beat the shit outta Joel and then be like "you know what? I want you to die right here, right now....but that would be too easy. So..." then she turns around and kills Tommy in front of Joel.

There you can still have your revenge plot and a story with Joel and Ellie!

I mean, I don't get why it took them 7 years to come up with a story and this game was the best that they could do and yet here I am, a random fan fic writer with no professional skills and a fan of the first game, came up with a better idea.

You know, it's just....I don't know, I wish I was like a very famous or popular person and was able to interview people cause I would definitely interview Neil Druckmann and ask him what the hell was going through his mind when he wrote this game?

Anyway, like I said there's so many ways to have dealt with Joel's death or with the whole story of the game but as for now thats all I've got to say. I'm sorry if it reads like I'm rambling but alot of thoughts kept floating through my head.

Let me know what you guys think and what are your thoughts on Joel's death?

Do you think it was good? Or are you like me and think it should've been handled better?

[entergamingxp]

The Last of Us Level Designer Showcases Tips, Tricks and Easter Egg in New Masterclass Video

June 9, 2020 9:03 AM EST

Ex-Naughty Dog Level Designer Peter Fields, takes us on a brilliantly constructed masterclass into the inner workings of levels in The Last of Us.

As we roll up to just under two weeks until the highly anticipated The Last of Us Part 2‘s release, we take a step back to the first The Last of Us in a new video by Peter Field which explores the inner workings of how levels are crafted and manipulated to keep pushing the player forward in countless subtle tricks. In Peter’s latest YouTube video, we get an in-depth look at the design breakdown of the Bus Depot level which was built in the later stages of The Last of Us’ gameplay.

Level Designer Peter Field who is an ex-Naughty Dog employee and now works at Media Molecule takes us through how he went about creating the Bus Depot level in a brilliantly thorough breakdown from the point of view of a game designer. Fields takes the viewer through a visual masterclass by firstly showing us how this particular level was built by laying out the essential narrative and gameplay beats that have to happen at this stage which will, in turn, form the structure of what the rest of the level is built on. For this, Peter outlines the effects the journey has taken on Ellie emotionally – for instance, implementation of the giraffes which brings the previously depressed Ellie back to live again after connecting with wildlife which then allows Joel to see the contrast between the old Ellie and then the more determined Ellie.

One of the most impressive aspects of this level design masterclass is how Peter is able to maneuver the player to where he wants them to go without them overly realizing it. To do this, Peter explains that adding blocks in the form of cars, for example, helps to tie in the player to a specific route leading them to the next area. To add in maximum assurance that the player does follow this path, Peter adds in a clever visual cue to avert the player’s eyes to that area. Another equally impressive level design tip in the video is how an exit on the other end of the bus station is created. To pull this off and to again maneuver the player’s attention to it, Peter explains that he designed this area so that the player would enter the station at eye level to the exit, even though they have to then go down to the lower area, they will still remember this particular exit as it was the first thing they saw whilst entering.

For anyone that has played The Last of Us, the giraffe scene is probably one of the most prominent emotional markers in the game. Luckily for us, Peter narrates the inner workings of how this scene was made. After Joel has climbed up the ladder and wondering what is going on with Ellie as she ran off after witnessing something, we see how the design of this act is crafted to not only keep the player in suspense but also to keep them moving forward. This was done by firstly only seeing the silhouette of the giraffe through dirty windows as it moves and then by getting only a glimpse of it as it moves again through an open area in the building. When the player finally gets to see the giraffe in all its glory, they feel like they earned it and experience a release of tension.

One of my favorite parts of the video is where Peter shares a fun easter egg he implemented in the baseball field where the herd of giraffes roam. If you take a look at the scoreboard to the right of the area, it is named Bethany Clare Field which is Peter’s wife and a really lovely gesture to include. I sincerely hope that Peter does decide to do a part 2 to this really important and informative level design video as not only is it inspiring to those who want to take up level design as a career, but also to the players who get to witness the nuts and bolts of what goes into making something as fantastic as The Last of Us in preparation for The Last of Us Part 2.

Naughty Dog has been popping out gameplay videos every Wednesday to keep the excitement at its peak for its upcoming title. ‘Inside the Story’ video focused somewhat on Ellie and Joel’s story although nothing really new was talked about or any new footage revealed, we did see Neil Druckmann, Anthony Newman, and Halley Gross talk a little about the project behind the game. Thankfully, we got to see a lot more of that much-needed gameplay in Sony’s State of Play where we got more information about combat, gameplay systems and mechanics, traversal, and a whopping 20 minutes of gameplay.

If a little bit of video analysis is your thing, you can check out ‘The Last of Us Part 2: The 3 Most Important New Details From the Story Trailer’ article where I shone some light onto some new and important features we may not have seen before in other trailers.

The Last of Us Part II is set to release next week on June 19, exclusively on PS4 and if you’re looking for a super cool new PS4 Pro, Sony recently announced a new special edition PS4 Pro which is set to launch alongside The Last of Us Part II.

  June 9, 2020 9:03 AM EST

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Neil Druckmann Talks The Last Of Us Part II Following Indefinite Delay

April 4, 2020 9:27 PM EST

The series’ creative director joined the latest PlayStation Blogcast to discuss The Last of Us Part II’s indefinite delay, its development status, the options being explored for its eventual launch, and the problems with releasing a demo in the meantime.

Development on The Last of Us Part II is “at the one-yard line,” Neil Druckmann, the game’s creative director, said.

Following Thursday’s news that Naughty Dog’s highly-anticipated sequel had been delayed indefinitely due to the coronavirus pandemic, Druckmann joined the latest episode of the PlayStation Blogcast to discuss the circumstances of the delay and the effect it’s had on the team, the options being considered for the game’s eventual launch, the problems with releasing a demo in the meantime, and how much work is left to be done on the title.

“There’s still some bugs we’re finding that we’re squashing,” Druckmann said. “We want to polish it as much as we can. Taking our time to review each section, and making sure it’s all Naughty Dog quality.

“It’s there. That’s the frustrating part for us. The game is there, and we have to sit on it for a little bit and figure out what’s the best way to get it to our fans.”

[Listen to the full PlayStation Blogcast episode here]

When publisher Sony Interactive Entertainment announced the delay — putting Marvel’s Iron Man VR on hold as well — it cited logistical problems with launching both games during a global crisis.

But with digital downloads becoming increasingly commonplace, fans have wondered what the problem would be with just releasing either game on the PlayStation Store when their planned release dates came. Sid Shuman, the Blogcast’s host and SIE’s Senior Director of Content Communications, asked Druckmann the same in regards to The Last of Us Part II and its previously scheduled May 29 launch.

Druckmann said no decision has been made yet, but explained that the ability to get physical copies to people and internet infrastructure across the globe needed to be considered.

“This is a worldwide game that people in every country are waiting for, and we want to make sure we’re fair,” he said. “If we just get it to a small fraction of people, what does it do to all the people that don’t get it?

“So we’re right now looking at all sorts of different options. What’s the best way to get it to all of our fans as soon as possible? But that’s going to take time for us to shift and figure things out, and also see where the world’s at. Things are changing from day to day.”

The subject of releasing the press demo, which was shown behind closed doors at a media event back in September, was also brought up. On paper, it sounds like a great idea to tide fans over until the full game can come out, but Druckmann said it isn’t that simple.

“It’s very different when you have a demo for the game that you can release at a convention or press event, and you can have people from Naughty Dog there watching to make sure it’s all working well,” he said.

The press demo actually had the full game on disc, Druckmann added, and that the development team kept play to the section it wanted to show off. He explained that “a massive amount of work” would have to go into implementing more safeguards in order to release a proper demo over PSN, and that Naughty Dog would rather use the time and resources to focus on finishing the final product.

He also noted that the game “has improved greatly” since it was shown to the press more than seven months ago, making that demo outdated at this point.

According to Druckmann, Naughty Dog staff began working remotely before stay-at-home orders across the country went into place. He gave major credit to the studio’s IT and operations departments for making it possible to do so as full game development outside the office wasn’t an option prior to the current situation.

Priorities also shifted.

“Obviously, efficiency is different now,” Druckmann said. “People, myself included, have kids at home. So you gotta balance other responsibilities as well as game making. But we’re all keeping our spirits high and keeping at it.”

Naughty Dog’s workplace culture has been under scrutiny since a Kotaku report, published last month, offered an extensive look into the studio’s heavy reliance on crunch and the resulting toll it has taken on its employees.

The measures taken to keep work going amidst the pandemic may not have solved the problem, but it might have taken some pressure off.

“We were saying ‘look, there’s a lot going on in the world right now. Take time to take care of yourself. Take time to be with your family.’” Druckmann said of the the team’s shift to working at home. “We even told them, ‘Look, if we miss our date, we miss our date. We’ll figure it out, but you come first.’”

“And even now as we’re wrapping up the game, we keep telling people ‘If you need a moment, need to take a day or two off, do whatever you gotta do to take care of yourself. The game will be there.’”

After years of working on the game and wanting to see how players react to it, Druckmann said it’s been rough to have The Last of Us Part II’s release up in the air.

“Internally, we know we have a great game, and it’s just we have to wait a little bit longer to get it out there to fans,” he said. “I knows fans are disappointed, and — believe me when I say this –we’re just as disappointed, if not more so, to not be able to get the game out on time.”

April 4, 2020 9:27 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/neil-druckmann-talks-the-last-of-us-part-ii-following-indefinite-delay/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=neil-druckmann-talks-the-last-of-us-part-ii-following-indefinite-delay