#NO FACEBOOK I DONT WANT MY NAME OR FACE ON THE INTERNET

[ccinoarchive]

Link

[buttercuparry]

I am sorry to come across your dash over and over again, but I cannot stop now, not when my friend Siraj is ONCE AGAIN  facing a stagnating campaign. 

He has raised  only $226 CAD in the past 12 hours, which is a considerable drop from the last few days!

Siraj ( @siraj2024 ) cannot afford to slow down, and he cannot afford to come online whenever he wants to and request your help. You have to understand that with the bombing and destruction of every infrastructure of communications in Gaza Strip, be it cell towers or internet cables, it is a struggle for him to share even his daily updates. 

As early as October 27 2023, this collapse of connectivity was confirmed by NetBlocks and Paltel services posted the following message on their Facebook page, “ We regret to announce a complete interruption of all communications and internet services within the Gaza Strip"

So every piece of news, every update made now comes with the cost of a journey fraught with danger!!!

Siraj struggles daily to reach a cafeteria on the sea shore, where he can access a  hotspot connection in exchange for an exorbitant amount of money.  However as a journalist, he refuses to compromise with telling the truth– this means undertaking this taxing 3 km journey  under a blazing afternoon sun. On top of the constant migraines it gives him,  he has to contend with the constant threat that hangs over his life the entire journey due to incessant bombing.

The prices do not help him either. There is transportation costs, there is Internet cost. So whenever you see Siraj post, whenever you see him in your dms, know that Siraj is burning away what little money he has on him, to get the world to hear him.

And all of this just adds onto my horror and shame of what happened on tumblr in the last few days. The more I learn, the more I know, I am sickened to think of how some bloggers, sitting in their comfortable homes, can so easily dismiss the struggle it takes Gazans to reach out to us and have the audacity to call them scammers.

Siraj remains  undaunted by all this abuse. He has a message for all instead:

“ This primitive life will not defeat us. We will not stop conveying our message via the Internet. We will not forget anything of who we were. We will not be you and you will not be us no matter how long the darkness lasts."

So please, do not turn away from this wonderful man. Do not turn away from this brave man. 

Help him rebuild his home. Help him get to 30k within the next week!!

 This is a big step forward from the indignity he has been forced into.

Boost and donate! He is on Hussein and Nabulsi’s list at no 219 so please dont hesitate. 

[lemmetreatya]

Eren’s Insta Spam (pt. 2)

eren x black!fem reader

pt. 1

pt. 3

Back again with these since I’m not making imagines until my uni work is somewhat up to a good standard *chu chu*

OKAy!! so as we know Eren is cautious of putting you on his main/public spam but he genuinely really wants to post more of you so he has a private insta where it’s mostly just his irl friends and family who can follow it

He’s on this account waaaay more but its actually amusing because most of his family dont know that he’s a public figure/internet famous. Not because he’s scared to tell them but simply because they’d just embarrass the hell out of him sudidxkdk so erens tricked them into thinking that his priv spam is his main. the only consequence to that is that they always urge him to treat it like Facebook TM

“Habibti, post that baba picture I sent you the other day on instagram.” Carla directs towards Eren but says as she scrolls on her phone.

“Oh my gosh, Eren’s baby photos?! Let me see!” Hearing part of the conversation, Dina comes from around the table to look over Carla’s shoulder, eager to see her step-son’s adolescent stage.

Rolling his eyes, Eren only slugs his feet towards the fridge to get himself something for the two of you to eat. Don't get him wrong, he was happy his mother and step-mother got along but together they were an insufferable pair.

“Amma, why would I show everyone my baby pictures? That’s too embarrassing. In every picture my hair always looks dodgy. If I didn’t know it was me in them, I’d think the child was neglected.” He joked.

With an expression of shock, Carla looked over at her son.

“What you mean you looked neglected? Your hair always looked right! I always made sure to have it cut and nice on the sides. Not like how you and your Abba have it now, all long and untidy.”

“My hair isn’t untidy.” He’d mumble. Not because he was ashamed in his hair but because he knew saying anything louder would count as backtalk and therefore get him in trouble.

“Hey, darling! Come!” Upon seeing you enter the kitchen, Carla beckoned for you to come to her. Unsuspecting of what conspired before you came in, you glanced in Eren’s direction before walking in to his mother instead.

“Hey Mama.” You’d say as you stood next to her.

Seeing the cheeky expression on her face and the quick look she made in Eren’s direction, you knew she was up to no good.

“Look, look.” She’d say in a hushed tone, gleefully turning her phone in your direction. “This when Eren was a baby.”

In her hand was a picture of a child who sat in the bath tub, face displaying childish tantrum. Clearly the child had a disdain for the bath time activity but what made the picture all the more memorable was the plethora of bubble suds that mounted on top of his head.

“No way. That’s Eren?” You laughed behind your hand.

Unaware of what was going on behind him but hearing his name in conversation, the brunette turned around to witness the commotion.

“What the— Amma, No!”

Even though its mostly embarrassing, Eren genuinely likes when you interact with his family. They were so receptive of you from the first time they met you. To a certain extent he even believes they like you a lot better than him 😭😭 They make this especially clear in his comments section

Liked by carlaakarjaeg_34, mikamikamii and 56 others

ej__jaeger can a guy ever get any sleep around here??? @ynprivnotpriv

View all 19 comments

carlaakarjaeg_34 She Can Never Do Wrong!! Eren Make Sure You Be Nice xxxxx

lordhokagetheninth I. find this very amusing because….. i was never allowed to look at girls let alone havr them in my room at ur age. i walked so u could run.

ej__jaeger @lordhokagetheninth zeke can u stop changing ur @ i barely ever recognise u i was about to sb,, + ratio

ej__jaeger @carlaakarjaeg__34 always amma ❤️

Liked by carlaakarjaeg_34, dinafritz_off_fitfh and 74 others

ej__jaeger to my beloved. @ynprivnotpriv

on your special day id like to say thank you for being the most incredible thing to ever happen to me. without you there’d be no improved me. you always push me to higher capabilities but simply because you care and not because you have to. your capacity to love and to be uniquely you will never cease to amaze me. never change, not even for me. ill keep this short because i’ve literally written u 5 different paragraphs elsewhere but know that i appreciate you, way more than u imagine.

every time i will always choose you.

happy birthday baba.

urs always. ej x

View all 42 comments

dinafritz_off_fifth Happy Birthday @ynprivnotpriv!! Hope your day is full of love, joy and all things lovely Just Like You!! 💖

annie_leonhart12 Happy Birthday X @ynprivnotpriv

yummir Eren you beyyer sling it on her today and i mean it. she deserves to be d1ck3d down 👽👽

ynprivnotpriv Thank you for all the kind wishes everyone 🥺🥺 I love you all @carlaakarjaeg_34 @arminarletarmin @lordhokagetheninth @dinafritz_off_fitfh @annie_leonhart12 @mikamikamii @grishaj__ @conniethe_conman @sashabear7891 @reiner_braunofficial @jeankirjr @berth_hoovr

ej__jaeger @yummir HELLO??????

————————————

Tags: @quiveringdeer because once again thank you for that reiner camera roll one and bc imma just tag you into these from now on

[themaiden05]

Fate ( part 2)

pairing : kartik aaran x fem reader

part1 ; https://www.tumblr.com/themaiden05/714953202326437888/fate-part-1?source=share

kartik couldn't stop thinking about her. Y/n , Y/n , Y/n it was all he could think about. how could he love someone he doesnt even know so madly? he didnt have an answer for that . she was making him feel all kinds of emotions and not just love, she was making him anxious at time , what if she believes all the kriti x kartik shipping going around the internet? what if she ships them too? what if she has a boyfriend? what if she has a fiancee? no no that cant be ,she's can only be y/n aaryan tiwari ! he wouldnt let any duffer's surname even get close to her. what if she's already married ? what if she is out of his reach already? His thoughts were getting ahold of him. He even called his sister Y/n once , good thing she didnt pay attention . he searched her up on instagram , facebook , twitter but there were a million women with the name Y/n, Not knowing her surname made it worse. a lot of public profiles , and profiles with a Dp was out of the way , kartik knew what his y/n looked like, he didnt even need to look at the screenshot he took, her face was imprinted onto his heart . but then there were a lot of profiles with no profile pictures or random profile pictures . he wasnt even sure if her name was her account name so social media was a fail

"any lead?" kriti asked . she was as dedicated in finding kartik's dream girl as he was

"nope, nothing yet"

" what if we just ask the principal of the college for some info?"

"and what are we gonna say? hello sir! I am in love with one of your students , so can I get her instagram id and biodata. he would kick us both out"

"yeah! youre right. did you get anything else from the college website?"

"NO , what we found before was the only thing about her in the entire website"

" you know what Im hungary, lets go eat something . Ive heard there's a new chinese restaurant in town" kriti said standing up from her chair

"no yaar , Im not hungry!"

" I heard its near lourde college"

kartik jumped up from his seat

"what are we waiting for? lets go , Im so hungry!"

kriti laughed at his newfound excitement

"ya lets go"

kartik and kriti had done their best to disguise themselves. they dont want the pap to spread yet another rumour of them being heads over heel in love with each other. the huge glasses , beanie ,mask and hoodie were certainly doing there job . no one has recognised them yet. they find a table and sit facing each other.

"oh my god kartik"

"what is it kriti?" kartik asks .

"its-

kriti didnt even have to finish . kartik could sense the familiar scent . he could hear someone sitting on the chair behind them. he turned around. she was right there. His y/n . In a satin green dress, her hair opened and flying slightly in the wind. Her eyes are searching for someone. kartik's heart drops once he sees the guy walking towards her , smiling . he sees her smiling back . The smle he always imagined shed give him when he says how beautiful she is to him , The smile she'd give him when he gets her flowers and give her a pecks on her cheek before leaving for shooting. But he isnt the one getting that smile from her right now and it breaks his heart . He isnt some kabir singh to go out there to force her away from him. she looks happy and thats what he'd want the most , for her to be happy

"sorry , I'm late "

"its ok adi"

kartik hears them talk. kriti is ranting about something but kartik can focus only on what you are saying.

"ehh, youre wearing this green dress again?

"its my favourite dress adi "

"it looks shitty"

what kind of a man is he ? who talks to their girlfriend like that? if he doesnt like the dress why doesnt he just tell it to her nicely? why is she letting him talk to her like that? a million question runs over his head

'' Im gonna use the restroom real quick"

"ya ok but dont take ages. I have to go soon after this , i cant be stuck with you for too long"

stuck with her? where did she even find this douchebag from ? who can't even spend some time with her? Is she hurt from what he said ? has she gone to the restroom to cry?

"im gonna go check on her kriti"

"what!? kartik but-" kriti doesnt even finish before kartik jumps over the chair and walks over to the restroom.

as kartik walks in he sees y/n standing in front of the mirror. she doesnt look like she cried but what if she's really good at hiding emotions

"y/n" kartik calls out.

"who are you?" she looks terrified . thats when kartik remembered his glasses mask and beanie , he looks like a goddamn serial killer. he takes off his glasses and mask

"kartik aaryan?"

"you dont have to call my entire name like that! just call me kartik or koki"kartik ranted out . he could hear his heart beat out of his chest. he could see her blushing

"what are you doing here?"

"oh my friend wanted to try out this restaurant!"

"The restaurant or its women's restroom?"

"oh shit ! this is the women's restroom? great here we go again . I swear im not a pervert , fate just brings me into women's restrooms sometimes"

"fate?" y/n starts laughing . she looks so pretty to him doing so

"this is yours i assume?" kartik takes out her badge from his pocket. good thing he takes it everywhere with him to remind him of her

"oh yeah ! i had lost it the day i met you at another women's restroom"

they both chuckle and walks out kartik puts his glasses and mask back on . he wants to say and ask a lot more but the fact that she has a boyfriend waiting for her stops him. he still muster up the courage to ask her full name but before he could finish they are interrupted by someone. its adi he is still looking down at his phone as he speaks

"i have to go now "

"but we didnt even order yet"

''oh come on man, we'll do this some other time and besides i promised riya from office a movie together"

kartik is on the verge of losing his shit . how can he talk to his girlfriend like that and choose another women over her? why isnt she saying anything?

adi takes his eyes of his phone and looks at the man in front of him

"who's this duffer?"

kartik loses his shit completely and punches him on his nose. adi stumbles back in pain

"thats what you get for treating youre girlfriend like that "

"bhaiyya!!!" y/n runs from kartik's behind to adi

"bhaiyya?oh fuck" kriti always told kartik he's dumb and now it was as if he has realised it

"what the fuck man? who's girlfriend? what girlfriend?" adi asks while covering his nose with his hand

kartik runs over to him

"im so sorry bhaiyya! there was a huuuge misunderstanding"

"whaaaat!? who the hell are you man and why the hell are you calling me bhaiyya"

"you are her bhaiyya , youre my bhaiyya why does it matter bhaiyya?"

y/n chuckles at kartik's remark and their eyes meet . kartik is so relieved that this man he just punched is no one other than his future brother in law but it really was kind of a bad first impression but he'll make up for it

"y/n ask this guy to leave" adi grunts in pain

"koki ! leave"

"koki? so no more kartik aaryan"

y/n blushed and looked down

"ill get going now bhaiyya do put some ice on it itll be alright"

"get outta here dickhead before i punch you back"

"ok ok" before he left he leaned closer to y/n

"you know where to find me" and he walked away from his y/n who was now a blushing mess and her brother a bloody mess.......

(bhaiyya: brother)

to be continued......

[qqueenofhades]

For me w socmed its like. Everyone acts like its this hugely necessary public utility where your presence and "engagement" is MANDATORY, like your face your name your historical takes for the communal lederboard, and its like. Ok yes facebook insta twitter and tik tok HAVE starved real reporting institutions etc at this point, but its also like. All the people for all those years screeching abt tweets and acting like twitter was this hugely relevant public square were largely working IN media!!! So its like ofc it was hugely important to them, but for me?? I didnt need to see endless puff-piece articles ginning up clap backs on twitter from 2015 onward. I dont have an account!! It didnt enter my life!! Until all these people manifested twitter as this essentially public utility. AND NONE OF IT!!!!! is necessary!!!!!! Or required!!!!! To live life!!! But increasingly they're making it harder and harder for that to be true. And its like. You Could Just Log Off. For the love of god!!!!!!!!!

I think that for this, as usual, we can blame Facebook, who made it MANDATORY to have your real name/picture and interact on the internet as your "real life" self (whatever that means). And yes, there is some limited amount of value in that since the 90s were consumed with the "Scary Internet Where Scary Unknown People Are Scary," but the idea that it will make people more responsible has turned out to be total BS. Instead, people WILL post the most heinous and reprehensible shit under their own names on Facebook/Twitter, and it has empowered them to do more of that/build monetized followings out of being totally vile turdburglars, rather than less. Because it turns out that when you build a machine that rewards the rats for being awful, it incentivizes them to be MORE awful, so yeah. That whole "using your real name promotes accountability!!!" turns out to be a total lie, and, uh. Meta/Facebook just got fined €1.2 BILLION (approximately $1.3 billion) in Ireland for breaching EU data privacy rules, so it's not like they did anything good with it.

And like... no. None of it IS necessary. Sure, it can be lots of fun, it plays to the inherent self-absorption of most people (often too much so, truly), it's a good way to keep in contact with casual acquaintainces/extended family/people you don't see often, and etc etc. But we don't NEED any of it. There are other communication tools that humans have used successfully for millennia, and especially since the owners of social media have consistently pushed a platform that prioritizes any kind of engagement at any cost, where facts, truth, and/or the basic framework of democracy and civic society doesn't matter against the almighty pursuit of profit, I'm really not sure at this point that there's any way to argue that it hasn't been corrosively destructive. Even if you do use it and take some value out of it, you still have to acknowledge that it exists in this horribly distorted paradigm in so many ways.

Social media is not going away, obviously, and attempts to regulate it often tend to veer too far into "destroy the internet" territory, especially as conservatives want to gut Section 230 and liberals haven't figured out how to meaningfully moderate it without signing onto bills that give a lot of room to deliberate bad actors. (SCOTUS did recently decline to dismantle Section 230, so things are staying the way they are, for now.) So... yeah. We still have to figure out how to live with it and to find some way to make it overall a useful tool again, rather than just a boundlessly destructive one.

[groundedintruth]

my grandfather's will

writing can be the easiest thing and hardest thing for me. so is expressing emotion. & so is patience & so is allowing grief.

i like to hide behind metaphors. & i like to keep my worlds separate. i like to move in and out of groups without belonging; a presence that is felt but does not alter the group dynamic.

i like the one to one. and keeping my family to myself. keeping my thoughts to myself. & oversharing. & not getting to the point. the point is in the title but it's a place i cannot land on unless i write it out. contrary to what i reflect outside of my thoughts, i always know where i'm headed, i just don't want to go there yet. but i know that i cannot move unless i let it out- unfiltered and unedited and without form.

my grandfather's will is a one page pdf shared on the family whatsapp group. & when i cannot move, i read. so i read every post that a distant relative wrote about my grandfather on facebook. i read every blog post about him i can find on the internet. i read the forwarded messages from family groups i never joined or participate in. i read his absence on my mother's face. and i read his will.

the truth is that to eulogize my grandfather is to archive the fall of a country & im not ready to do either.

my grandfather passed away in Sudan while fleeing the war in khartoum. the news of his death in madani arriving hours after the joy expressed at his safety.

i feel the agony & relief in my mother's voice knowing that at least he made the trip. that at least this way his life will be mourned where his body is buried. & idk if we can ever get past the guilt of leaving, all kinds of leaving. my mother's premonition of loss of all kind is one thing i inherited. and yet there's nothing we can do to influence or rewrite history.

my mother stuck in egypt unable to see her father one last time. unable to be at the funeral. and unable to mourn. my grandfather's death, like his life, is political. & it hurts that a man who dedicated his life to his country and justice leaves it the way he has. & its absurd. & it makes sense why every thought i have about him can be translated to a political statement. & i dont want that truth to detach me from the emotions i embody.

my grandfather's will is a one page pdf of everything i already knew. the date of his death. my grandmother's widow status, his only wife. the names of the children survived by the memory him, in wrong order. & the technicalities of sharia inheritance. it doesn't mention his life. his contributions to sudan's judicial system, erased by the regime. his constant fight to correct that regime and every regime that crumbled before. or the sacrifices he made for the sake of truth.

as a child i didnt really care about my grandfather's upholding of fairness in the choices he made for sudan. i cared about the unfairness I felt when i couldn't get more candy than my cousins. i remember being sad one candy distribution day when i waited my turn and didn't get any. facing my bratty pout with a smile, he presented me with a chocolate bar instead. he said he knew that i don't actually like candy. that i was the only grandchild who preferred chocolate. & maybe i have or maybe i haven't said it, but that was, actually, the truth.

i remember being five sitting on my grandfather's bed before his daily glass of milk to end the day. & he is telling me all about the thoughts I thought adults don't share, ranking his favourite people with a bluntness and fondness i learned to believe can coexist. & my mother is her father's daughter. their fascination with the law and crime fiction and with justice was a love for uncovering the truth. No sugarcoating ever. and when people are remembering his generosity, his courtroom heroism, and isolated incidents, all I can think about is his approach to life and how it affected my mother's and mine. his unwavering sense of justice above all else, his search for truth in every interaction, and his ability to give endlessly, unheard of and uknown, apparent only in the testimonies shared by the gratitude he left behind. and i wonder if i have inherited any of that.

my grandfather was the first person to take me to a museum. insisting to take me everywhere that tells a story. a well of love & knowledge. my grandfather, a few animals, a cousin I hated sharing the day with, and i immortalised in a photo i lost in a cafe in khartoum. photos that may not exist anymore, places that don't exist anymore and my grandfather..

my grandfather's will couldn't grant him his last wish: seeing the people he loved the most by his side. stuck between borders. unable to leave and unable to return. our absence like every sudanese absence is political.

[hhappylliving]

was just going through facebook memories. I posted a bunch of my photos from studying abroad in 2012 TWELVE years ago today.

It made me realize how much of my time I had forgotten.

Like there was this girl who commented on something and I completely forgot of her existence. Like I had to go to her facebook and click through old pictures to even place her name to her face.

Studying abroad within the last few years (sans covid) would look so much different than my time. More easy access to service on my cellphone/ability to have service on my cellphone internationally always/easier access to internet sims/access to gps and googlemaps and reviews etc...

This kid I work with is slightly younger than I was in 2012 and we were talking about life (because apparently I dont know how to have non-serious topic conversations with people significantly older. I blame it on the years of counseling training/only coming in contact with younger people when they walk in as therapy clients)- and he was talking about all the travel he wants to do blahblahblah and like how its easy to get a hostel "at his age" in foreign countries because they have ones dedicated to only younger people etc blahblah. And like zero questions were asked of me- which is fine, I dont care and its not the point- but like he has no idea. He has no idea that I'm not just some """"""bummed"""""" 30 year old working at a gym overnight. Like he doesn't know my life and some of the things he's talking about I have done. I have taken 24 hours worth of a plane ride to get to the other side of the world.

idk I just thought it was a bit... ironic or just coincidental that I was thinking about all of this just yesterday (or whenever, idk working nights has fucked over my ability to know what days is which), and then I get this rush of memories because I'm looking through pictures on facebook.

getting older is so weird. Things I never thought I'd forget, have just vanished. people don't know all the more life you've lived and experiences you've had just because you're in the same place at the same time means absolutely nothing.

[psych0l0gical-effects]

U12A6 SUN APR 23

Content:

End of the unit sheet! I relearned (and mastered) a LOT!

-Mastered 9 technologies and pastimes: the radio, the calculator, women riding bikes, reading novels, written word, the newspaper, landline phones, antibiotics, the erasure. 

-Mastered the fundamental principles of learning on which Internet-based higher education capitalizes: Optimal performance, improving mastery, deepening memory, promoting critical thinking, and enhancing writing skills.

-Mastered the challenges that college students face today and how Internet-based education can tackle each challenge: tuition costs, large lectures, accessibility, closed captioning, and synchronous classes

-Mastered what it means that the Internet is manifesting our preference for intransient and asynchronous communication: ins transient and asynchronous is helpful to humans! We can look back on what was communicated and respond at any time. 

-Mastered the guidelines for emailing a professor: using wisc account, use professors last name, write informative heading, use paragraph breaks, dont whine!, and write the body first before putting in professors email address

-Mastered examples of how the internet has accidentally and purposefully made content viral: help wanted, a weird unidentifiable rash, ice bucket challenge, reading rainbow, texts from your ex, Charlie bit my finger, cool wand, school is closed

-Mastered what interpersonal attraction is and how similarity attraction might underlie the success of online dating sites: attraction between people is more than just looks, thus dating apps that are based on just looks are unsuccessful for users 

-Mastered what interpersonal aggression is and how interpersonal aggression might underlie the phenomenon of online bullying and trolling: Interpersonal aggression are peoples reactions in different situations, this can be applied to the phenomenon of online bullying and trolling as these activties are an outcome of our social/cognitive processes. 

-Mastered what emotional contagion is and how emotional contagion might spread through the Internet (e.g., Kramer et al.’s Facebook study): Emotional contagion is the spread of emotions and the behaviors  that come with those emotions non purposefully. Emotional contagion can spread through the internet too, when poeple post certain content it can create the same emotions and then actions from a large amount of poeple in different places in the world!

-Mastered why there are so many photos, gifs, and videos of cats on the Internet and why Internet-users get so much emotional pleasure from watching and sharing photos, gifs, and videos of cats: cats easy to personify, cats are introverts and dogs extroverts, cats outnumber dogs, nobody expencted cats to be funny because dogs did it first

-Mastered Huitt’s (2011) sources of motivation and give one example each of how that source of motivation has affected your use of the Internet: Stimulus response, social, cognitive, affective, cognitive, spiritual 

-Mastered reasons why people binge watch (TV shows or movies): its fun, enables a shared culture, everyone else is doing it, the desire to know what happens next, allows deeper connection with the characters

-Mastered if we can identify photoshopped images on the Internet: short answer, we sometimes can

-Mastered reasons why the Internet is unlikely to be changing our attention: no real evidence, everything we engage in impacts our brain and our brain adapts, mental reoganization happens over evolutionary time, many things impact memory so new tech shouldn’t be feared

-Mastered the 3 primary decision-making heuristics: Representative heuristic, availability heuristic, and anchoring and adjustment 

-Mastered identifying positive effects of Internet use on the cognitive, health, and psychological aspects of aging

-Mastered Identifying positive effects of Internet use on child development: overall, moderate use give the best outcomes 

-Mastered the five factors in the Big Five Factor Personality theory: OCEAN (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

-Mastered what “proportion of variance explained” means and how little of the variance in Internet activities is explained by personality factors (such as the Big Five Personality factors). Note Cambridge Analytica. 

-Mastered four famous selfies made prior to the Internet (and smartphones). MY FAVORITE IS GEORGE HARRISON <3

-Learned term project is due this coming FRIDAY! NO LATE.

Reflection

I'm realizing that as I spend my two additional hours each week writing the content I've learned throughout the semester that mastery of the course review sheets is very apparent. I don't look at previous ones or ever need help since I've been doing them each week AND rewriting them each week in my journal. I know we learned that repetition over time is super beneficial for mastery of content, but experiencing it in this way is awesome. I will definitely be taking this strategy to my other classes because this is so incredibly helpful. I have 3 final exams so this is a good reminder that the mastery will not come over a few days, or even a few weeks. Thus with that logic, i'm already behind. A note for myself: I am needing to spend time transcribing my journal entries into my computer and then Tumblr.

[analpepsidrinker]

End of the Line.

I haven’t been posting my dreams because the more I do, the more I remember normal non lucid dreams, so I haven’t been lucid dreaming and it just ruins my sleep and was making me quite ill being able to remember stuff. Also its hot in the flat and at night so I don’t sleep properly. My fan hardly works. I’m taking a break. 

I finished one of my Lucid dreams, a continious one, where I can go back and start where I left off,  maybe I will make it a book oned ay. I still have a lot to take in and process about it. It was realer than real. I’m depressed, heart broken and just want to cry.  Haven’t shared it due to the contents of what it talks about and it’s a bit too private and involves me and my life and I don’t want that on the internet as I of all people cannot be God. 

Despite my efforts to find the people my DC mentioned on facebook. I haven’t been able to. But I will post them here as you asked. 

William Neth is a terrible name. WILL NETH, NETH, NETH is my facebook searches. Hahahaha. Hes fat faced and I still couldnt find him. Hahaha.  So yeah, my dream still says I am the sole God and how my conciousness can travel time and space from lucid dreaming to their time and the afterlife is nothing but a universal like swarm that spreads everywhere and whipes out civilisations to save there souls where they live in a  matrix like heaven but I was told its different and to not be too hung up on the material tech part as the technology is too far advanced to udnerstand in our current language,  My descendants head it because I found a dinisty more famous and know than any dinisnity in all the universes and bring it about because of a religion my DC says I one day found. Everyone worships me because I am not cruel and I forgive every evil and slight. I dont hold gruges so thats just my subconciousness bigging itself up. 

Georgism hahaha. 

From what my DC said I think time is a loop and they made me so I can make them? so does that mean I am responsible for all the wars in history and evil just so I can be made. Horrible idea. 

I love my DCs, they’re so nice!  see you in a few thousand years if your real! :’( Gonna go cry now. LOL.  

[phantomrose96]

Flash in the Eyes Part 2

(Part 1)

More fixed!Flynn lore? More fixed!Flynn lore

..................

Danny lay awake. He kept his eyes glued to the bedroom ceiling, studded with glow-in-the-dark stars from corner to corner. They doused him in the tiniest shimmer of ethereal light – the second source of light in the room – after his phone, which he gripped loosely in the hand dangling off the bed. The phone cast its own faint shimmer outward, a ray into the bleak night.

And he himself made for the third source of light, he supposed. That pulse of iridescent green from his eyes, which he felt like the beginnings of a headache building inside his head, had been spurred to the front by the trickle of anxiety that kept his nerves alight now at 3:30 am.

The plastic stars above. His phone glowing outward. (His radioactive eyes, pinned to Aunt Alicia.)

Danny was not allowed to forget the incident. He was not allowed to move on. Even home, it followed him.

His phone, with that dim light, was open to a single message that had been plaguing him all day. A single Facebook message, from a profile wishing to connect, with no profile picture, no history, no other friends, made day-of. “danny. this is your aunt alicia. never would of thought id be using of one these computers. wierd things. any way. wanted to apoligize about scarring you. I have a mean face maddie knows. i dont have a computer. this is in the libary in town. but hoping you culd call me on the phone. wanted to ask you somthing more. thanks. xxx-xxx-xxxx…”

Danny left the message on read. He figured it didn’t much matter that his read-receipts were on. Alicia made it clear she had no access to a computer, or likely internet for that matter. This was a message cast into the void, framed as an apology, but fishing for information that made Danny’s skin crawl to think about. Alicia could talk to his mom any time. But she had chosen not to. She’d chosen to contact Danny directly, through a means of great hassle for a woman so sworn-off technology, living so far away from proper civilization. And she’d chosen to do so after seeing that flash in his eyes.

This wasn’t like fighting ghosts. Those were pure physical scuffles which ended in him casting the creature off into the portal to (hopefully) never be heard from again. This instead was an anxiety pricking along every nerve of his skin, deep-seeded and deep-sewn from the woman who terrified him all these many years, whose connection to his ghost-hunting parents sent his brain into spirals of dread for all the what-ifs he conjured.

“You seem deep in contemplation. Perhaps I should come back later?”

Danny sat bolt-upright, spinning fast enough to see new stars spawning in his vision. He blinked them away, and sucked in a sharp inhale of breath as he snapped his head to the side.

Half-translucent, idly floating, Vlad Plasmius appraised him from the other side of he bedroom, studying Danny the way a teacher might study a struggling student.

Danny’s transformation and leap from bed came as one. His covers blew back, phone clattering to the floor forgotten.

“Plas—”

“Yes yes, ‘it is I, Plasmius’. I believe we’ve done our battle cry introductions enough times for the audience to get the point.”

“What are you doing here?!”

“Just dropping in on old friends.” Plasmius, still floating, performed a motion as if to sit. He swung one leg over the other, and reduced the miasma of pressure that his aura sent off. He was relaxed, and conversational, and this made Danny’s neck hair prickle all the more.

“All the way from Wisconsin! Yeah just, dropping in at 3 in the morning! Yeah, well, sorry but I don’t buy it, Plasmius. And I’m sending you back to Wisconsin now that you—”

“Seems we’ve both been traveling quite a bit out of state. Tell me was it a fun little vacation? A ghost hunting trip?”

“It—” Danny’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know we were gone?”

“Oh easy, I have ghost sentinels pinned on your house at all hours. They feed me this information.”

“Noted. Thanks for the tip. I’ll be sure to blast them out of existence next time I’m out.”

“I’d love to see you try. They’re masters of stealth.” Vlad flashed a grin. “I have to say I am quite disappointed to see you all back so soon – must have been a short trip. Where did you go?”

“Not telling you. Now why are you here?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

Danny bit down the urge to sucker-punch Vlad on spot. “We were visiting our aunt. Nothing special. Not everything is some big…I dunno… ghost conspiracy, Vlad. Now why are you here?”

“I was simply hoping to catch the house unguarded. You know, explore the lab, see the new contraptions that Maddie designed and Jack botched, perhaps sprinkle some cyanide in the oaf’s cornflakes box.”

“Like I’d let you--!”

“Aunt, did you say, Daniel? Alicia, perchance?”

Danny gave no response. He felt only the twist in his gut, which wrought a smile to Vlad’s face.

Vlad clapped his hands together and continued. “That is a name that brings back memories! She and Maddie were remarkably close. I heard about her constantly – given of course that I am a fantastic listener who never forgets a name or a face, unlike some fools who can’t even remember birthdays – but yes as Maddie’s best listener and best supporter, I feel like I know Alicia personally. Tell me, how is her husband Dale doing? How’s little Flynn? Not so little anymore, I imagine.”

“Don’t… talk about my aunt. That’s weird.” Danny floated backwards, coalescing a lick of flame in his palm. “Also, goes to show how much you know these days. Alicia and Dale have been divorced for like ten years now. And there’s no Flynn. You sure you’re that great a listener?”

Vlad quirked an eyebrow. “Ah, shame how divorce never seems to happen to the right people. Has Alicia tried telling Maddie it’s not too late to follow suit?” Danny unleashed his pulse of energy. Vlad blocked it with a single dismissive wave of his gloved hand. “And Daniel I am referring to your cousin Flynn, about whom I am absolutely not mistaken. Maddie and I were sophomores in college when he was born. Maddie flooded me with pictures of the boy, chubby little thing with red hair like Maddie’s. They moved her to tears, some of them. It was formative for me. The moment I realized that was the future I wished for myself, that I could bring Maddie that same joy with a family of our own. Shame how children don’t seem to happen to the right people either.”

Danny gave no response. He only lingered in the air, drifting slightly, the wafting residue of his attack trailing along his palm.

“You don’t seem so convinced,” Vlad commented.

“I’m not. Aunt Alicia doesn’t have kids. I don’t have any cousins. Unless you count whatever Danielle is.”

“A clone. You have to know the cousin thing was made up.”

“Alicia doesn’t have kids. Bottom line.”

“Did she sign him away in the divorce? That’s cold. I wonder if I could convince Jack to do the same with you.”

“Aunt Alicia divorced without kids, dumbass!” Danny swept a hand out. “She talks about her divorce all the time like it’s the best thing that happened to her, and she’s said how easy it was with just her and Dale and no one else. I don’t know how many other ways I can tell you I don’t have cousins, and I definitely don’t have a cousin named Flynn. You’re making yourself look like an idiot.”

“The opinion of a 14-year-old means very little to me.” Vlad dipped forward, closing the gap between him and Danny by a few feet. The air howled cold behind him. “However I am utterly intrigued to know what became of Flynn then. Clearly something worth keeping from you. Drowned in a pool? Carried off by a bear? Perhaps his parents made a ghost portal a decade prior to yours and he zapped it on from the inside.”

“You’re not funny.”

“I am hilarious, young man.” Vlad uncrossed his legs, still floating, but as though standing once more. “You should respond to your aunt’s message.” Vlad nodded his head to the phone on the floor. “She seems eager to speak to you. Maybe she can tell you what happened to dear little Flynn. And if you don’t, well perhaps I will stop by tomorrow morning for some tea, and ask Maddie myself what became of him. You’re welcome to be in the room when I do.”

“Hey!”

A flash of light momentarily blinded Danny, followed by a pulse of energy, and when Danny opened his eyes again he had to blink through stars.

Nothing remained in the night.

Only the ceiling studded stars above, and the glow of the phone below, and the consumptive chilling green flashing from his own eyes.  

[perceabeth]

FORGOT TO ADD... SORRY FOR SCARING YOU LIKE THAT (MAKING YOU THINK THAT I FOUND YOUR SPOTIFY). IM NOT THAT INTERNET SAVVY, UNFORTUNATELY OR FORTUNATELY, HOWEVER YOU CHOOSE TO VIEW IT. AND ITS COMPLETELY FINE THAT YOU CHOSE NOT TO LINK YOUR PLAYLIST. I RESPECT YOUR PRIVACY. THANKS FOR SHARING THE SCREENSHOTS; THAT'S MORE THAN I COULD ASK FOR.

I HAVE A QUESTION THO. HOW IS SHARING A PLAYLIST "DOXXING"? GENUINELY ASKING. CAUSE IDK HOW THAT WORKS. ARE SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS LINKED TO EMAILS OR SOMETHING? CAUSE THAT'S DEFINITELY SCARY. I KEEP MY PLAYLISTS PRIVATE CAUSE I DONT WANT ANYONE JUDGING MY MUSIC TASTE, THATS ALL 😅. BUT ARE THERE ANY PRIVACY CONCERNS RELATED TO THAT TOO?

FFKLSJDLF no no dw about it!!!!!!! it's okay i just mean like u can see my face on it, my first name, my coworkers' names- it would be SO easy to find me facebook or linkedin and i just get nervous lol bc i don't typically say much about myself bc i don't want anyone finding me lol <3

[kururuyakku]

little update on myself

hey guys, i never thought id post this here ever again but. hey. i want to give an update on myself since once in a while i get DMs asking what happened and ive updated on my twitter but not here. its under a read more because theres... few triggers.

first if you have question here’s a rundown

so, shit happened. thats the simple way to add it. on what happened on tumblr i wont go into it again because it was honestly so fucking stupid, but here’s the rundown: no, i dont ship pedophilia. i was AGAINST the ship, but someone cropped a comment where someone was wrongly explaining the ship to me, and people jumped at my throat from it. i never shipped it and spoke against the ship. no im not a terf for not wanting to have sex with someone, and sending me rape threats about it and shaming me for it is just rape culture, and it was disgusting of those who did it. shame on you. i’m not white, and all those racist ass anons y’all sent won’t change it. yes, I have black alters, i have alters of different races, and when I provided MANY legit sources yall just said ‘’im not reading that’’, as well as completely ignoring other people with DID who tried to explain. so that was straight up ableism. again, shame on you. (also this post from my friend that explains well too)

now, outside of these things, more shit still happened which im not proud of. but these things won’t be any more public than it has already been, because honestly, it’s nobody’s business but those involved and I already made a mistake by publicly attacking the person involved. so it’s all i’ll say on the matter because again, nobody’s business but those involved and i don’t want to turn my life into a reality TV more than it already became.

my friends and i, now for years, have been accused of pedophilia, grooming, and being predators. Now, yes, some of us/my friends have done wrong things, and we’ve/they’ve apologized for it, but pedophilia and grooming was not part of it. They have NO PROOF PROVIDED, their story never follow each others, and some claimed to be victims despite never having been in direct contact with my friends at all. we have a whole document that we spent weeks making in our defense with visual proof and statements from witnesses.

my abusive, compulsive liar, two-faced, cheating asshole of an ex is now spreading this mess and calling me a predator, and a danger to minor, and completely ruined my dream of wanting to write a children’s book, all because I defended people wrongly accused of pedophilia. I got trauma from the whole thing, even developed two new alters, went back into therapy, because I was harassed so badly from it, got many death threats every day, rape threats, said im a danger to my niece and my nephew, and was stalked and harassed on every platforms. i couldn’t hide, they would find them. we couldn’t block, they would message us on other accounts and tell us to die.

enough is enough. we went through self-harm and suicide attempts because of this shit. went to the hospital. brought to the cops and we’re heavily talking of a lawsuit, but we’re waiting until our friend is mentally stable enough and recovers properly. i truly, genuinely cannot do this shit anymore. im tired of being followed everywhere and having everything i do being watched, tired of crying when i think of my sister’s children, tired of my life being ruined over false accusations.

i know im not the best person in the world. i know ive done some mistake, but im owning up to them. im trying to be better every single day and im just trying to survive another night. but these days, internet culture is just too toxic for me as i battle through the revival of my BPD and crippling depression. 

so, please, leave me alone. leave us alone. we’re tired, and i cant bear seeing my friends go through another suicide attempt or, god fucking forbids, make it work. we’re tired. we just want to draw and have fun. stop with the goddamn harassments, stop calling us predators, stop the witchhunting that goes through social medias. leave us alone. im so fucking tired of fighting back.

ive suffered through rape threats, death threats and massive stalking that gave me massive trauma and caused two new alters. im terrified just posting this but i need to. im scared just commenting on my mom’s post on facebook because what if someone finds me there. im shaking when i hit ‘post’ when i try to be brave just a little and post my art to try and get back out there despite my name being dragged through the mud. im scared whenever i have a notification somewhere. i want to be okay again. 

if youve read this, thank you. if youre a friend of mine, and youve stuck with me through this entire mess, thank you even more. maybe one day i’ll be okay enough to be out there again without being terrified for my life.

[wanderingsalaryman]

Glitch in the Matrix

Glitch in the matrix, sounds like a term coined straight out from the popular trilogy about humans vs machines with Keanu Reeves as the lead actor. Its actually a term coined based on the highly popular film trilogy to describe a phenomenon that actually happened in real life. an anomaly caused by the Universe trying to rebalance itself on time-and-space level due to imbalances from various interferences. 

Glitch in the Matrix, though vary in definitions, but for me who i had my own experience of it, is when time and space trying to rebalance itself due to various interferences, caused sometimes moments that supposed to be happened in the future, but already happening in the past or present time.

It was a warm and chill day in 2009, i still on junior high school, on holiday break. I was casually browsing Facebook and various internet forums on my father’s laptop, when suddenly an unexpected chat comes from a Facebook mutual that i no longer remember who he is. He told me that he saw me in Plaza Senayan, a prestigious mall in Jakarta, wearing old combat uniform, German to be precise, standing in queue for some warm bread at a famous Bread Maker that still exist until now in that Mall though in different spot now. The conversations are approximately went like this :

“hey, what are you doing at Plaza Senayan? I saw you standing at the bread vendor in queue”

“no, I am not, I am at home right now”

“don’t lying to me, I called your name, and you turns your head into me but you didn’t say anything as if you don't know me”

“I told you I am at home right now, you must be joking”

then he proceed to sent a photo that he claimed took after he called “me” at that bread vendor in Plaza Senayan, when i look at the photo, sadly lost forever that the laptop has permanently damaged, a man standing in queue, wearing a military coat, German military coat, it was black or gray i didn't remember clearly, the face’s features are closely resembles of mine. but a bit different in body posture. I dismissed that as a prank or just a coincidence. 

Six years later in 2015, I brought a full German military uniform (black in color), and when i look at the mirror, it suddenly hits me that my appearances in the mirror are closely resembles of that photo i vaguely remember sent by my Facebook mutual in 2009. I dismissed that as a coincidence or a look-a-like due to me at that time still resides in Semarang City, 500-600KM away from Jakarta. 

two years later in 2017, I was already in possession of a full set of East German Military uniform (gray in color) that i uses it as part of my daily fashion, including when hanging out in Mall. Including Plaza Senayan, that I had a moment that i considered that as an anomaly. During a seemed normal day in 2017, I’m hanging out in Plaza Senayan and decided to buy some bread at the famous bread vendor. It’s a popular breadmaker so queues is a common thing everyday, i stand in line, for some moment until someone calls my name from the distance.

I turned my head

I saw a young man in his 20s, casual looking, looking at me as if he knows me well, but to my memories I dont know who he is, and I dont want to be bothered and looked like a silly person for waving hand if that person is not actually greets me, so i ignored that man.

but nobody else in the line greeted that man back. 

now as i write this entry in my blog, i am thinking, could be that person that greeted me in the bakery was the same Facebook friend that chatted with me in 2009? I failed to recall the memories of the photo that he sent me in 2009 about the mysterious man in German uniform, whether that mysterious man wears black or gray military uniform that eerily familiar with those I possess right now.

Could be that mysterious man that he greeted in 2009 was actually me in 2017?

If that’s the question, who are actually that seemingly out of time due to glitch? was it me who in 2017 teleported back in 2009? i didn’t remember anything unusual on that particular day. I think it was that Facebook Mutual, in 2017 saw me standing in line at the Bakery in Plaza Senayan, yet at that moment he contacted 2009 version of me. So was he the one who glitched out and for some moment teleported to 2017? Or was it me that for some moment teleported back to 2009?

Was there a time paradox about to happen? Will be there a version of me from the future that will prevent it happening or at least altering the outcome? or was that Facebook Mutual is actually me from the future? if that’s the case then maybe time travelling is actually a real thing. I don’t know. Maybe just some Glitch in the Matrix, or a Time Traveler doing pranks on me, which is very unlikely. 

I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll ever know, and that’s okay because I don’t think I am ready to hear the answer and revelations. 

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[the-queer-look]

flannel scarf and glitter hairspray

Name:Adrian

Age: 25

Sexuality: Demisexual, Lesbian

Gender: Genderfluid

Occupation: Banking – postgrad english major

Location: Campsie

I like to present myself in an androgynous way. Most of my clothing is pretty masculine in the sense that I do prefer pants and a shirt for comfort reasons, but if it’s a hot day, I’ll wear a dress, and I don’t feel invalidated by that. I still enjoy slight touches of feminine influences in my life, and definitely don’t shy away from traditionally feminine colours or anything like that. I don’t use makeup, but mostly that’s because I don’t know how to use it, rather than not liking it. I’ll put on eyeliner and lipstick and be done. My girlfriend will suggest foundation or contouring, and I just say “nah I’m good” and don’t bother to learn. I have a glitter hairspray that I use to seal in my makeup on the few occasions I do try to use it, and it gives me a nice sparkle. Probably terrible for my skin though.

Growing up as a Muslim, I frequently get asked “When did you know?” in reference to being a lesbian, and when I came out to my friends I had a bit which I’d rehearsed to explain it. When I was around thirteen, this exchange student came to our school and I was very quickly drawn to her. She was very good at art, and a very cool person, which let me have the incredibly lesbian chat to myself of “I just want to be her best friend!” I remember writing specifically in my diary “I just want a best friend. Just friends, not gay.” we got really close, and I eventually came out to her, and told her that I liked her, and she was accepting of it, which was nice, and we both then had to manage our way around her realising that she was asexual, all while we were thirteen. Her being asexual wasn’t off-putting to me, I was just thirteen and didn’t know how to approach it. Hell, she didn’t know how to approach it, because she didn’t know the label for it.

After that, I began to examine the relationships I’d had with other girls all my life. When I was very young, I remember thinking to myself “I wish I was a boy” because all of the boys in my class make my friends cry, and I think that if I were a boy, I could just make them happy, if I were a boy I’d know how to be better to them. But looking back at it I just… I was so gay, and just trying to be as straight about it as possible. I thought it would be fine if I were a boy, because then I would be allowed to like the girls and they would be happy with me. I also remember sitting in a circle in school and playing a spin the bottle truth or dare game, and always getting offended if someone didnt answer the obligatory “if anyone in our class was a boy, who would you date” question with me. If I was second choice? Offended hahaha.

I feel like there wasn’t much of a change in the way I presented myself from before realising I was gay to after, because I already accidentally dressed like a stereotypical lesbian. I guess I picked up a few extra flannels? And before it was just “I like flannel” and then became “flannel makes me gay, and gay people will know that im gay, and I wear a headscarf, so I need to let other gays know that I too am gay, so I will wear a flannel over my headscarf, and that will be my signal to all the other gays that I too am in fact gay.” and it worked great.

Realising that I was genderfluid was a much more drawn out process. When I turned eighteen I started to enjoy it when people would mistake me for a boy, I was beginning to dress very androgynously, my voice is deeper than an average cis girl, y’know. After I took off my scarf and got na undercut, people would mistake me even more. I eventually went and made a facebook account using the name Adrian, a close anagram of my dead name because I wanted to have an online space where I could be me and apart from my family. But then people who I knew in real life who’d added my new profile started calling me Adrian to my face and at first I, or my girlfriend at the time would correct them, but soon I realised that I kinda liked it, and I’d like to just go by Adrian. And that started to lead me to the point where I was examining my gender, and learning about different terms for trans and intersex people, and I thought that maybe nonbinary would be cool. I thought for a long time that I might just be a trans boy, but I also really didn’t want to go through the transition process, I’ve never wanted to go on testosterone, or have top surgery, or be wholly one of the boys. I’ve always felt comfortable in the little inbetween between boys and girls, the concept of gender as a spectrum is a very positive one for me, and I like existing somewhere on that spectrum. Genderfluid feels most comfortable for me right now, I like being able to embrace both my masculine and feminine side at will, and it suits the changing nature of my personality, and I hate the idea of sticking in the box of binary gender.

I feel like my presentation changed after realising my genderfluidity. Not so much in embracing my masculinity, but instead in embracing my femininity. I had always felt like maybe I couldnt be feminine because of how llong id spent dressig in a traditionally masculine style, but after realising that I was genderfluid, I made an effort to express that side of myself, and to not be boxed in by conventions.

I feel like stereotypes can be a bit of fun I the lesbian community, like when I was just coming out and still dressing as a very muslim woman, flannels were honestly my godsend, I felt gay even though I didnt look gay, I could just have the flannel on with my scarf and identify myself to the community. But at the same time there are a lot of stereotypes that I don’t like – there’s a lot of biphobia, based on bisexuals wanting to have fun with girls, but not settle down with girls. And that sort of negative stereotype annoys me because it’s just gatekeeping at that point, by saying that you cant really be into girls if you’re also into guys. It also invalidates the experiences of everyone who had to practice compulsory heteronormativity when they were kids, because we were always told that boys being with girls was the default, and that was what we were supposed to go for. Some people’s lesbian inner voice isnt as loud as other peoples, they would have dated men, but that doesn’t make them any less gay than anyone else. I hate the idea of gold star lesbians, just because you havent slept with a man doesnt make you better than someone who doesnt. I’ve never slept with a man, but I dont feel more valid than anyone else, if anything I feel less valid because they at least have had the experience to know that they’re definitively gay. When they’re in a bit of fun, stereotypes can be fun, but when they turn that corner into something toxic, it becomes a real problem which we need to be much more vocal about criticising and removing from society.

I feel like there are more and more mainstream shows that are coming out and showing positive representations of the LGBT experience. They do lean on stereotypical looks for their characters, but I feel like thats just visual shorthand so they dont have to do a lot of work with the characters, and can just front load a lot of their personality through their outfits.

I know for a fact that the internet is and will continue to be an incredible resource for queer people, as it gives us a chance to create a safe space to explore our identities in private. I for one wouldnt have even known that lesbianism was a thing without the internet because of my sheltered upbringing.

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[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: 🖕🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies 👑 Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]