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whorrorgrl · 9 months

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What I Watched in July

What didn't I watch this month?

I was going to do my usual thing of just listing off every, single movie I watched within the month. They're usually short of ten, which is good since I'm only able to upload ten pictures at a time on here. But I had a very, very long leave. 31 days exactly. I was bored out of my mind, broke so there's not much I can do, and a natural homebody anyway. I watched a total of 20 movies, and that's only counting new ones. I watched all eleven seasons of Modern Family and then circled back halfway. I watched The Bear, which was pretty good! I'm a sucker for corny sitcoms so I polished off American Housewife. Rewatched some episodes of iZombie. Rewatched a few comfort movies, and decided to go down the horrors of the 80's.

I had a rule and that rule was to watch as many new movies as I could. I'm so prone to sticking to my comfort zones in many sectors of my life. It's why I'm a home-body, it's why I have three good friends, and it's also why hitting failure in the gym's a challenge - my 10-12 reps of moderate weights that only begin to challenge me on the last three is enough.

Anyway!

My favorite era of horror is the 2000's for two good reasons. It gave us gems like Wrong Turn, Texas Chainsaw (2006), Triangle, The Ring, Shutter, Dead Silence, etc. There's a style in storylines, tropes, camera angles, and just general ambiance that bookmarks it as the 2000's. Final girls running through the woods in a classic white tank and blue daisy shorts; A roofless Jeep barreling down a detoured road with teenagers/YA; an entity terrifying a protagonist and the library scene of them researching connections to their harrowing situations. The second reason is, of course, nostalgia. Kind of hard to beat. I grew up on these movies. They're so comforting. I've managed to stick to mostly 2000's and 2010's movies, but I know there are gems I'm missing out on. Few I'm already acquainted with are Misery, Death Becomes Her, The Craft, the Scream franchise, the Sixth Sense, etc. However, these movies are only a few years to a decade shy of the 2000's, which obviously took its influence from its predecessors. But two generations away? The 80's seemed far fetched. I convinced myself that I wouldn't like it or maybe I was too used to other horrors to find the syrupy, gooey looking blood and corny jumpscares scary enough, much less enjoyable. Granted, I did watch Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, and Halloween, but I was only afraid of Child's Play because I watched it as a literal child. Nightmare and Halloween I'd watched a lot older and I don't like them at all. They're actually overrated to me.

So that was the goal this month. Watch some old shit. And that I did.

1. Shrooms (2007, Paddy Breathnach)

A group of American teenagers head to Ireland to get high in the woods. With the help of a local tour guide, the group sets up camp for a trip of a lifetime. However, things take a turn when a deadly mushroom gives Tara the ability to see which of her friends will be killed off, as a mysterious murderer lurks close by.

I had to start with a new 2000's just to grease my way in.

This movie is not one to take seriously. It's a horror movie involving shrooms where there's a scene of a talking cow, so calm the think pieces on this one. It gives you a decent storyline and there are psychological aspects as one would guess, but nothing much different from any other YA slasher. It honestly requires nostalgia for me to love above a normal degree. Since I don't have that, it's a nice one and done watch. For some reason, though, I still bought the DVD. Maybe I'll watch it on my own trip.

One surprise is the hillbillies the teens run into that remind me of Tucker and Dale. They have absolutely nothing to do with the mess going on outside but are the easier targets to blame. Random, but it's so funny seeing hill billies outside of America. Growing up in another country where you watch all these American movies, you get these stereotypes in your head of what it all is. School lockers, Disney World, and Hillbillies in some state like West Virginia or Kentucky. Seeing an Aussie in the sticks is so funny to me.

The movie encompasses all that I like: dumb teens being killed off but in another country. Indigenous (2014), Hostel (2005), The Green Inferno (2013), As Above So Below (2014), and Turistas (2006) aren't shaking in their boots though. I for some reason don't want to talk about the ending. It's good. I just feel like this review is getting too long for how I really feel about this movie. A decent 5/10

2. Frankenhooker (1990, Frank Henenlotter)

After a horrific accident butchers his wife Elizabeth, a pseudo-scientist Jeffrey gauges up a plan to rebuild his wife and bring her back to life piece by piece.

I found this one on Amazon Prime....which I thought I unsubscribed from. Not that this connects, but they are currently being sued for a few class action lawsuits, one being making it difficult to unsubscribe from their membership. But anyway, I had Prime. While simultaneously going through my bank statements, I was checking out their horror options. The ones that were free were obscure. Frankenhooker was among them.

The accident that murdered his wife Elizabeth was a lawnmower that Jeffrey himself created. It ran her over and tore her to bits. Aside from her head, a hand, and some miscellaneous limbs, he didn't get much from his dearly departed before her other parts were cleaned up. He concocts a plan to revive her with the upcoming lightning storm that should help reanimate her back into one piece. Only, he needs parts. So he shops for hookers downtown.

I outright laughed with this movie because it's so ridiculous. The scene of the hookers blowing up was so campy. When you can see the split second they replaced the actress with a dummy, oh my god. So goofy, but I actually respected. When you can see the amount of time that went into something so silly, it's actually fun. Practical effects show effort. I was imagining them making head molds out of the actresses and spending hours getting them right just to blow them up. Or painting those limbs; a dislocated foot, an arm, an entire thigh. It was all so much. The burbling purple liquid...so odd.

I would watch this one drunk with a group of friends. It's just camp, that's all I can say. That scene of the reanimated left over body parts? The ending?! The ridiculousness of it all. 9/10. I don't care. I just skimmed the director's other works and I'm adding them all to my lift if they're even close to Frankenhooker. A fun watch.

3. Christine (1983, dir. John Carpenter)

17-year old, Arnie, buys and restores a rusty 1958 Nlumouyh Fury automobile. Unbeknownst to him, the car is possessed by a murderous entity.

I ain't even gon' hold you. I thought this movie would be stupid. In my head, it's only so thin the line can be to tread with a villain like this. A car....

But!

I was wrong. I am completely surprised by this and I understand why it is a classic. I even bought the DVD. We're officially in 80's territory, bordering on the 70's so the characters and their mannerisms were very uncanny valley for me but not too bad. This is my second John Carpenter movie alongside Halloween (1978). I've only watched The Fog (2005), but I've added 1980's to my list. I actually tried to start it but fell asleep and gave up. Not sure why, but anything other than Freaky Friday that has Jamie Lee Curtis as the final girl makes me sleepy.

I liked how there's no backstory as to why there's an entity in this car. From the day it was made, my girl Christine was killing. Didn't crawl out of hell and run into a conveyer belt, no Charles Lee Ray business; just made bad. She's regenerative, vengeful, and even jealous when Arnie, her new owner, gets a girlfriend. Arnie isn't the most popular guy in school and is constantly bullied, even with the help of his friend. Christine makes it her mission to rid Arnie of those who harm him. Later, she'll rid him of those who try to get between them. It was just such a good plot that was executed perfectly. I thought this was going to be some mess, but 10/10

4. Psycho II (1983, dir. Richard Franklin)

After the murders in his hotel, Norman Bates is back in town on a clean slate. He goes back to Bates Motel where mother awaits.

In Scream 4, Kirby Reed made a comment about Psycho II being underrated. It stuck in my head for a while until I finally decided to watch it. I can 100% agree. Listen I'll find any reason to hate on Alfred Hitchcock like I would any abusive, misogynistic director in Hollywood, but Psycho II is better than its predecessor. Anthony Perkins reprises his role two decades later as the movie follows the same time frame. Norman has been hospitalized, diagnosed with BPD, and is released 20 years later following the incidents. Not all are on board, especially a persistent Lila Crane, but Emma Spool vouches for him so that he can get a job at a diner. He meets Mary Loomis (with apparent relations to Billy Loomis) and a new set of killing starts.

Before I even start, there are two Tillys? I was casually stalking the actors and realized that the actress for Mary is Jennifer Tilly's sister, Meg Tilly. I couldn't believe how small a'world we live in. Now I have to watch Body Snatchers (1993) and anything else Meg is in.

I loved the plot twist of this movie and how it all ended. Norman is really an unwell character so you find yourself sympathizing with the man. He's awful, but you watch as this man fails to discern reality from his own madness and how mother is incorporated into it. She is a mysterious woman. We don't see much of her, sort of like The Woman in Black. She is this big entity in the movie even though you know she isn't real. This movie is the peak of mommy issues. The ending where a real, flesh and blood option is open to Norman to have a mother but he's only interested in the twisted, evil version that haunts his head is fantastic. 10/10

5. Psycho III (1986)

Bates Motel is still in business, and Norman is still free. He's fallen in love once more, this time to a fallen nun. But will his past be behind him, or will it all unravel in this third addition to the world of Norman Bates.

It only made sense to watch the third installment. You see more of the look of the 80's that it's so known for, especially slashers. This is where the infamous scene from Scream (1996) comes in when Billy Loomis says, "We all go a little mad sometimes."

The parts I liked were of course mother. She continues to be this looming, bigger than life figure tormenting those around Norman. I liked the slasher-like scene of the young partygoers dying at the hands of "mother." Maureen replaces Mary as a potential love interest as Norman provides her shelter in his motel. They fall in love, despite her knowing his past. The ice machine scene, the bathroom scene, even the showdown in room 12. Again, you really begin to feel sorry for Norman and the cards he was dealt. Not that a serial killing, mentally unwell white man needs it, but mother is really a prison of his own making. The scene of the cop sucking on that bloody ice cube turned by stomach more than my laxative pills ever could. 8/10

6. Psycho IV (1990)

Released again, Norman Bates calls in on a radio show to retell his life as a young boy. Much to everyone's horror, when the show ends he has one last murder to commit to end it all.

I'm conflicted with this movie.

It's not bad...but 90% unnecessary. Aside from the ending where he finally burns down the house where it all started, I kind of didn't like that we got to meet mother. I've watched and loved Bates Motel (2013), so I'm aware that Norman and Norma always have incest - more so on Norman's part than Norma. In Bates Motel, Norma was creeped out but ignored it or tried to gently transition from Norman's weird attachment. In Psych IV, Norma punishes him harshly. She's severely abusive, negligent, and just awful. She blames Norman for everything, including his existence.

While it's interesting to watch his origin story and how he came to be, I kind of liked not really meeting Norma. I liked her being a decayed, fried out corpse in a chair. I liked meeting her only through Norman's unreliable retelling and untreated borderline personality. She was an entity..smoke and mirrors. Now that I've met her...I wanna kiss her.

She's hot.

Why would they make her hot? Plus she was a hypocrite. She would shame and abuse these women for being whores and sluts while she paraded around in no panties with a man she wasn't betroth to. I always pictured her as this uber-anal, only-have-sex-to-reproduce, stiff, old hag. When you build up a character that's existence is reliant on a character's retelling or the audience to fill in the blanks, it's so easy to ruin them by making them flesh and blood.

I want to pretend this movie doesn't exist.

Aside from the disappointment in meeting my hero, I liked the movie. The ending was solid. It's hopeful...and opens the door for more movies for Norman's spawn. 6/10. I really liked the movie. It can't be 100% a stand alone but it'd be a 8/10 if it was. I'd watch it as one and pretend it didn't ruin three other movies for me.

7. Black Christmas (2006)

A murdering sociopath escapes prison and returns to his childhood home. However, he finds out that his house has been converted into a sorority house and begins killing the students living there.

The casting is amazing, for one. They pulled Lacey Chabert fresh off the set of Mean Girls. May Elizabeth Winstead had just wrapped up making history with Final Destination 3 (2006), lugging Crystal Lowe on set with her. Katie Cassidy had just finished getting slaughtered on When A Stranger Calls (2006). We practically grew up with Michelle Trachtenberg. It's like Do Revenge: drag the pop girls and boys from popular shows/movies and you'll have a cast people will be excited to see before even considering the plot.

Because this story sucked.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem. This has everything I ever asked for in a 2000's movie. What else could I need? Am I ungrateful?

I have tried countless times to get into this movie. I'll cut the shit, like three times. And every time I have zoned out. I'm burnt out with this movie. It takes too much effort to be fully engaged and I don't know why. I love Sorority Row (2009), which has a similar premise, and Scream 2 with that sorority scene was amazing. I eat it up every time I watch it. Slashers with predominantly women casted is one of my bread and butters. But Black Xmas is just....I don't know. I don't know! I can't get into her. 3/10

8. The Thing (2011)

Kate Lloyed, a paleontologist, is recruited to Antartica by a team of scientists when they discover an alien buried in the ice. However, when the alien escapes, the team fights to figure out who they can trust as the alien could be any one of them, mimicking their dead crew.

This is such a good movie to watch when it's grey, raining, or ice cold. I love Mary Elizabeth Winstead and she is one of my favorite horror girls. Plus I get to see Kristofer Hivju, who I drooled over in Game of Thrones. This creature feature has a good creature reveal that doesn't completely ruin it. If anything, it enhances it. That one scene of the alien merging too people together and then crawling around on all fours was amazing. They don't make it an easy alien movie where you can pinpoint the creature. It can turn itself into one of the crew members, mimicking everything except inorganic materials like teeth. You get this claustrophobic feeling since there's limited places to run. They're stuck in the cold, unforgiving land of Antartica with a town miles away. The ending was a nice addition. I immediately bought the DVD and it is now added to my collection. It would've been better to watch the original John Carpenter movie, but this one popped up on my Netflix header and I immediately clicked on it. 9/10

9. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

When her parents go out of town, high school senior Trish decides to throw a slumber party. But things go downhill when an escaped killer wielding a power drill is loose in the neighborhood.

This movie seems derivative of Black Christmas (1974) and also came out the same year as the original The House on Sorority Row. Escaped convicts hacking up young girls were just on trend.

This one is kind of like Black Christmas (2006) for me. No matter how many times I watched it, it's like I never did. This is a rewatch, but not really because I didn't pay much attention the first time. It really brings nothing new for me. A movie doesn't necessarily need to be groundbreaking and fresh plot wise for me to like it, but it sure does need allure...some type of glue that keeps me watching. The Slumber Party Massacre didn't really have that for me. I watched it and immediately forget all that I just finished watching. As I watch these 80's movies, you really realize how nude obsessed this generation was. Pluto in Scorpio, sure, but these movies are just filled with boobs and bush, bush, bush. 5/10

PART TWO COMING SOON!

#frankenhooker #whorrorgrlreviews #whorrorgrl #the thing #black xman #black christmas #slumber party massacre #christine #shrooms #horror #horro movies #fun movies #horror comedy #psycho #Anthony perkins #John carpenter #alfred hitchcock #thrillers #movie recommendations

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paleclementine · 4 months

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okay i might as well do the update now. I'll try to include as much as I'm able, but I'll probably miss some details.

thank fucking Christ the semester is over.

Holy shit, I hadn't had such a hard time in school since my sophomore year of highschool. The classes were the most boring ones I've ever taken. The professors were so boring and terrible. I hated going to class, but it was one of the few things that got me away from my roommates. I can't stand thinking about them now, So i might later. I started losing weight and cutting down calories significantly, and since I started on November 8th, I've lost 7-10 pounds, but I've hit a plateau and can no longer (as of now) lose weight just by eating less, so I'll need to exercise again. tbh, I think all the weight I lost actually came from those first two weeks where I was running and doing abs and actually burning calories. Outside, of course, because it wasn't balls-fucking cold and burning my nose. I'm proud of myself for losing that weight, but I still have a long, long way to go. I want to get down to 88 pounds (ugw). I don't plan on staying there- genuinely, I don't- it's just... I want to be able to say I did it. That not only was I capable of it, but I actually accomplished it. I've never been underweight in my entire fucking life, and for once, I'd like to not be the duff. it will take hard work and discipline, but I'm not afraid of hard work; I'll get everything I want.

The new york trip was really fun, but physically draining. Anthony was a good sport about it, although he did play bloons tower defense on his phone more than I would have liked. He was good around my family though, and supportive of me when I got disgusted of the streets and subways and crowds. Side note- I hate new yorkers. They're so rude. There's lots of little things that happened, but my favorite parts were ice skating at Rockerfeller, getting peanut noodles (twice!) with Anthony in Chinatown, and hearing all his spiderman facts, watching Wicked, and napping when possible. It was a long trip, but worthwhile.

Now I'm home, and it's comfortable. I got everything I wanted for Christmas and liked all of my stuff. Unlike other Christmas's, I know I'll use everything I got. Me and Hailey watched all the harry potter movies together, and now I'm in a harry potter phase again. It's so good! Liking it isn't cringe (as I once thought- ugh, I got too consumed with millennial hate).

Btw, I went to hang out with Emily thinking we were going to eat dinner together and just talk, and then guess who was there? SAM. The fucking bastard. I don't know what the fuck happened- how it played out- to make him join, or if Emily let him come in the first place. I. Fucking. HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway.

I'm doing well, trying to just chill out completely. God knows I need it and will continue to need it. I deleted tiktok and I already feel myself settling back into my natural rhythm again. I really, really appreciate that.. the norm for myself is not being on tiktok. My body and brain naturally don't want that level of overstimulation, and the mere act of not being on it makes me more relaxed. I literally had the app for two months-- maybe more, honestly, but I cant remember. that's a long fucking time. Since I've deleted it, I've read over 200,000 words of fanfic on AO3, and in my opinion, that's a much better way to spend my time. Sighhh. I hate tiktok. I hate social media. I think I'd end up fine if I got a flip phone so long as I could still listen to music.

Anyway, back to reading fanfic :) overall, I'm happy here. I don't want to go back to the cold. But I'll do what I must- because I must do it.

#livejournal

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duck-era-lexi · 8 months

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album vibes

lana del rey

born to die/paradise is totally a teenage girl summertime vibe to me. the other ones she is much older, and honeymoon is for spring>summer, born to die for summer>fall and blue banisters for either middle of fall or spring. chemtrails doesn't exist it's trash and nfr is for divorce and sexism. anyways, i missed one? oh yeah ultraviolence is for pain and misery and lust for life is for well, lust. duh

taylor swift

generally taylor you have to be mentally stable but it's not really starbucks white girl? it's self respect and blind optimism with a bit of pg innocence. anyways i'm listening to miss americana literally right now so lover is uh obviously when you are in love. rep is also for when you're happy but like ur bored. folklore and evermore are winter seasonal depression. like OMFG they are SO seasonal depression. my mind turns your life into folklore. midnights is like for never because it's kind of a bad album but it's still 4 on my ranking lmfao anyways i don't think there's ever a good time to listen to midnights cuz if you're in a city just listen to 1989 at that point. debut works when youre in pain because it's so bad it brings me out of my reality. i'm dead serious. speak now is for every single mentally stable day of my life i love that album. red will be the same thing when i'm older, red is just a more mature version of speak now :) fearless is for summer sun days, it's SUCH a sunny album.

this summer i listened to speaknow tv and fearless a lot, i mean obviously cuz speak now came out but i think it fits the summer vibe with its innocence.

i like what i said before, 1d is a girl's view of a boy. anyways 1d's not totally my thing cuz i enjoy songs about pain and misery, but regardless my favorite album from them is made in the am sorry zayn. however i do think all 1d albums are summer albums because they're so overly pop, four may be spring nights but with the 5 set u honestly can get a full day cycle in summer. i'd alternate take me home & up all night during the day, made in the am evening, midnight memories dusk and four at night with night changes and fools gold.

#1 direction #ts #lana del rey #music

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natsfirecat · 2 years

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hello there, hope you’re doing well! i have an idea for a fic if you are interested. (this might be dumb idk)

anyways, nat and reader have been in a relationship for awhile when one of them has to leave on a long term mission, say 3-6 months. they can only communicate thru the mail, so they write a series of love letters back and forth. overall it’s cute and fluffy, with maybe some soft angst about missing each other.

i love all your work, and no pressure to write this! good luck on your finals!

Home

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader

word count: 1.3k

warnings: none, lmk if i need to add any!

You hated saying goodbye to each other.

Natasha was the love of your life, and quite literally the biggest piece of you.

You remembered the way you held onto her tight, ruining her shirt with your tears as she hugged you goodbye.

But you were both Avengers, and had missions. So as much as it hurt when you felt her lips glide against hers, your cheeks both stained wet with tears, you had to go.

To make things worse, you couldn't even talk to her.

You just wanted to hear your girlfriend's voice, so then it would at least be easier to pretend you were there with her.

But no, you weren't allowed to even use your phone.

You were gone for the next four months. You couldn't kiss her, you couldn't hold her, you couldn't see her.

So it wasn't much of a surprise to anyone when Natasha was moping around the compound.

She was grouchy and irritable, avoiding everyone in general. They knew not to go in her room if they wanted to live, so they didn't.

Whenever she was upset, they knew you could always make her feel better. It wasn't uncommon for Tony to throw you in the same room as her when she was moody, knowing you'd be able to calm her down.

But now, they had to deal with her grouchiness and sadness.

That is anyway, until there was a letter with familiar handwriting.

Natasha's stomach practically did a backflip when she saw the way you had written 'My Natasha' on the front. She lit up, instantly opening it to see what was inside.

My Natasha,

You have no idea how much I've missed you these last few weeks. I miss your eyes, I miss your smile, I miss your warmth. I wanna wake up next to you again. I wanna hear your voice as I fall asleep. But for now, this is the best I can do.

I hope you know how much I love you. You are quite literally the light of my life.

You've made me a better person. In fact, I'd say that you ARE my person.

I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you again

-Y/N/N

Sure, it was kinda short but your girlfriend couldn't help but smile as tears swelled up in her eyes. She missed you just as much as you missed her.

So she immediately grabbed a piece of paper, wanting to get her response to you.

Y/N,

I miss you too. It really is boring here without you.

Sam and Peter have teamed up to prank the others, and it's getting really old. But I can't yell at the kid.

So I've resorted to binge-watching the older seasons of Grey's Anatomy. I promise I'll wait until you get back to watch the newer ones. But still, I wish you were here with me so we could make fun of Owen together

Stay safe on your mission, okay?

I love you

-Natasha

When you got her letter back, you were practically bouncing in your step. You chuckled, thinking about the boys annoying her.

She definitely missed you.

Feeling yourself grinning, it didn't take long for you to get back to her.

Natty,

No, no, you can yell at Peter. It's okay

AND YES! I'm holding you to that though, you CANNOT watch any of the new episodes without me

I'll do my best to stay safe. I'm gonna come home to you soon!

-Y/N

Despite what you said, Natasha still couldn't bring herself to yell at Peter. However, she was still excited to get back to you.

Y/N,

Fine, I promise I won't watch them. I'm only on season 7 so we won't have to worry about that for awhile anyway

If I'm being honest, watching it makes me miss you even more. I know you had to go, but I still wish you didn't.

Missing you extra today

-Nat

As much as you wanted to, you couldn't reply to her. Because in the last few weeks, you got some new intel that confirmed that you'd be able to leave this mission early. Because of that, you didn't want to respond to her letter so you could surprise her.

You kept the crumbled up pieces of paper in your room, smiling whenever you caught a glimpse of her handwriting.

You originally weren't supposed to be back until mid-February, but now you were able to come home in December. Which made you extra happy, considering you hated the idea of Natasha being alone on Christmas.

You specifically requested that Fury not inform anyone that you would be returning early. You couldn't wait to see the look on her face when you got back.

You really did love writing to her. But it would be better when you were actually there with her.

So you packed up her letters, keeping them close to you as you got ready to go back.

You were ready to be with her again.

Meanwhile your girlfriend was preparing to spend Christmas without the love of her life. Despite this, she still put out your stocking anyway.

It hurt knowing that you wouldn't be there to unwrap gifts with everyone, but that didn't stop her from putting down a few boxes with your name.

When the others asked how she was feeling, she tried to deny that she was hurt. She missed her person.

Once it was finally Christmas Eve, she couldn't hold her feelings in anymore.

She made her way down to the living room, picking up one of the boxes she left for you.

A teardrop fell down her cheek as she released a shaky breath.

Natasha stared at your name on the sticker as her vision blurred from the tears.

It had been awhile since your last letter. It wasn't supposed to be a dangerous mission, but things could always go wrong.

She released a sniffle, thinking about all the reasons why you hadn't written back yet.

In the midst of her crying, a sneeze came from behind her.

She tilted her head to the side, lookin at the large gift box behind her.

Taking a step closer, she ran her hand down the side of it.

Again, another noise came from it.

Realizing what was happening, you knew you had to act fast.

So, you shuffled around, trying to get out of the box. You tilted back and forth, trying to get to the opening.

Unfortunately for you, the box ended up falling over as the top finally came off.

"Merry Christmas," you muttered as you hit the floor.

Natasha couldn't believe her eyes.

You were currently at her feet, still trying to get out of the box; but you were home.

She instantly dropped to her knees, hugging you as best she could with you still being stuck.

"Y/N/N," she said, almost sighing in relief. "What are you doing home so early?"

"Thought I'd surprise my girlfriend. Leave it to Fury to get the most uncomfortable box ever,"

Once again, tears were forming in her eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness. She bent down even further, kissing the top of your head as she kept her arms around your neck.

As she reached behind you, she noticed a few papers sticking out in your pocket. Looking even closer, she recognized her own handwriting.

"Aw, detka," she said, wiping the tears. She kissed your forehead again, smiling.

You attempted to lean up to kiss her back, but ended up hitting your head against her chin.

"Ow..." you muttered.

She chuckled, still crying of happiness.

"I'm home," you mumbled, keeping your arms around her as you rested your head in her lap.

"Me too,"

"What do you mean? You've been home,"

"You're my home, love."

Now, you were the one trying to hide your tears.

"Guess we're both finally home then?"

taglist: @lyak12 @thewidowsghost @Murder-is-the-solution @zombies1ayea @plasticl0ve @romanoffscottage @atlas-nex @plasticnacho @ria900 @youreatotalposer @readings-stuff @nats-dreamland

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i-need-air · 3 years

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Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

#bakugou katsuki x reader #noirewrites #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons #bnha x reader

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 2 years

Text

Okay by the way like, as I literally yelled (okay said loudly), yes, out loud:

THAT'S HOW THIS EPISODE ENDS XD???

The 'XD' was for tone lol XDD And besides, after that

Anyway!! Also Mateo was absolutely a d o r a b l e in this episode 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Bird bestie 👍👍👍

But yeah! Time for the :)). . .

REVIEW

Okay, so, I loved this episode! Honestly, I love every episode, just some more than others 🥰🥰🥰. And eh, I'd say this is one of them! Probably not one of my absolute favorites, but I really liked it :)). It did feel a little bit boring, some times more than others, plus the fact that I knew Paul would be okay kind of negated it for me a little bit, but I am nervous about the future :((. I'm assuming what they're talking about is an ICD (implantable cardioverter defibrillator - which I had to look up, because all I could think of was IED but obviously I knew that wasn't it xDD Got the 'I' right, though! Even if I didn't know what it stood for, lol, XD), but I truly have no idea ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I imagine they were purposefully vague, though - it's easiest, especially for future storyline opportunities, even if those opportunities happen to be limited to just having a character explain it without making it seem to redundant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (alright, that's enough shrugging lol)

But, yeah! First of all: Paul :)). Obviously, lol - I hope, anyway! XD. Well, I suppose I could go with least important/least content first, but, eh,乁| ･〰･ |ㄏ, I'm not lol. Accidental shrug but it has variety and it works so I put it back in lol. Anyway! Paul.

I A B S O L U T E L Y. L O V E MY BOY!!!!!!

Like literally he's just a guy 😭😭😭😭. Trying his best :'((((. But like, seriously, the part where he says his dad was the best person he knew (ignore my weird tense usage, I think it works lol)? Heartbreaking 💔💔💔💔😭😭. Heartwarming as well though, lol - ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰 xDD. Just, great. All around XD. But anyway, that paired with him talking about "be who you are", referencing being trans (I assume)? UGH!! My heart 😭😭😭🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. I just- I love him so much okay :'))))))?

And don't even get me STARTED on his friendship with Marjan :'D. Like, y'all are L I T E R A L L Y icons 🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️😭😭. Love y'all so much <3333 :)).

Also just- "Ride or dies don't ghost each other" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️ YES. I JUST- I LOVE THEM OKAY??? YYEEESSSSSSSSSS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️🥰❤️❤️❤️🥰. 💔 HEART BROKEN BECAUSE IT HURTS SO MUCH FROM L O V E. And also because they're fighting 😭😭 mainly because Paul's in pain too, so DOUBLE pain for me xdd. But, still, lol. I just- I know it's funny, and it is too, but- themmm :')). Ride or dies :'DD. Ahhh. . . Love them.

But yeah, I am concerned for their friendship in the future :((. I know they'll make up, I just don't know how long it'll be 😬. I imagine, or at least hope, soon though, based on the glimpse of the 3x10 summary I saw.

Back to Paul, though, I am honestly worried that he won't get back to work full force :((. Like, Buck got to in the original 9-1-1, and this is kind of a similar situation, so (story-wise, I mean, lol, not practicality wise xDD) why shouldn't he be able to? Idk, I'd just feel really bad for him if he couldn't, and obviously I'd miss him so, so, much :'(( :'D (bc love him, for the smiley :')) ). We would all miss him, and so would all of them, especially Marjan, and we/I don't deserve THAT (their pain) either, so here we are. With the only possible solution being for it not to happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lol XDD. Seriously though, if it is an ICD, from what I've heard/read, that stuff can mess you up :(( 😬. Fitness and lifestyle wise I mean, mostly. But still :(. It just sucks, and I don't want Paul to be going through this. Limited activities also hits sort of hard with what I'm going through right now and it's just. . . Eulgh. It hurts, and it hits really hard and close to home xdd. Like, not the most thing ever (although, even though I knew it wasn't, probably, for one crazy minute I did consider it being EDS lol - that would be wild XD But, if I can't get rep for that, in glad someone else with something even/way rarer can get it :)) And I'm just glad for them in general lol; happy for you guys, keep going, and doing great :pp :))) ), but still, pretty badly (in a good way xdd). I loved the storyline, of course - honestly that kind of made me love it more :// :)) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lol. XDD But, yeah, I love him, so so So S O much, and I just hope he's okay <333.

Anyway!!

TK (and Tommy): :DDDDDD Loved them so much!!! Just- them :)). Love me some Rescue 126 :')). Although I am wondering where Nancy was lol. Same with Asher in The Good Doctor tonight, I guess (to me I mean): she finally had a shift off from work XDD.

Anyway, I really expected TK to turn her down! Maybe accept it at the end, and if we didn't see one of the meetings, the beginning of the next episode, or near it anyway? Somewhere in 3x10. Or earlier, and see it at the end, again, like we did :). But, seriously, he didn't! Refuse, I mean :)). And honestly, good for him :'D. He deserves some healthiness :))) <33.

Also, real quick note!! I'm glad we addressed (with him doing it) the narcotics safe :)). Especially in this episode, this quickly I mean. I don't know if we'll ever see the confession to Carlos, because I'm sure there is one - I mean, maybe it already happened ¯\_(ツ)_/¯! But, still :). It was good, and I enjoyed it. And it proves (though we were already pretty darn sure), to us, and to him, that he's honest :). Because really, he is - he's just a genuinely honest guy. Sometimes he lies or blows up in the moment, but he always comes clean later. And, tries to make it right if he did something wrong (which tends to go with lying, or even lying being the thing done that was wrong lol), or said something in the previous aftermath or whatever (I'm trying to say like, I'm including times like 2x04 in this xDD). Idk, it's just like: nice :)). Good for him :'pp. Again, like I said (I don't know why I need both of those but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ eh, why not - also, for what I'm about to say, not food-wise lol, or anything like that, you know what I mean xDD), he deserves something healthy :')).

And, the Owen storyline! Yeah, surprisingly, I didn't hate it lol. I love Mateo, and he was cute in it (such an adorable little man <3333 my baby :')) ), so that's a bonus as well lol. But, honestly, yeah! It was heartfelt (maybe that's the world I've been looking for sometimes, lol, xD. I mean, heartwarming works, but they're not always the exact same vibes when they don't have extra explanations, yk? Especially when heartfelt can be sad. . . - I mean, seriously, look at least week with episode 8 lol. But, anyway :) ), Owen actually processed some of his trauma, which- honestly, good for him, lol, we got some more of the background of Gwyn, Owen, and to some extent (in this case of background information I mean, even though for some reason I nearly listed him first lol), TK's family life (the apostrophe 's' family life applies to all of them by the way lol). I just always love when we get some of that/those (facts? I guess? Lol, idk), and it included a bird. Soo, I mean, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I kinda have/had to like it :)). XDD. Even if the bird did die, relating to the fact that it existed in the first place and that there was a bird that died in the storyline itself lol. Although. . .

Turns out the bird's not dead XDD. He's fine, he was just chilling lol. Or faking or something xDD. Idk, maybe a medical problem lol. Like, I know there's a 98% chance he is (dead, I mean) but I just- I think it would be funny XDD.

And his conversation with Judd was cute 🥰🥰. Just two guys, being bros, but literally :DD. Because Judd loves the amazing, wonderful Grace, who, despite us not seeing her much this episode, besides a 9-1-1 call or maybe two, I think, is in all of our hearts since she's so awesome. Our queen <33. We stan. Lol, not literally. But yeah, we love her :')) <33. Anyways, back to the two of them, Owen and Judd!! I just love them so much. Their friendship is great :')). Love my little funky boys :ppp!!!

Anyway! Lastly before the final overview lol: where was Carlos. I deserved my boy XDD. C'mon, even just for a second - like, we saw his partner XD. I mean come o n guys, lol. And by partner I mean police partner, by the way - I will almost definitely always call TK his boyfriend lol. I mean, besides partner, except maybe on specific, rare occasions lol. No matter how cute, and fun it is skfhsgdklfs xDD. Also, you know what? Maybe he's just off like Nancy today, lol. Off-work, I mean xD. Good for them lol. Maybe xD. Anyway, lol, still XDD.

Overall, I thought this was a really good episode! You know what, scratch that, really GREAT. I just loved it all around, the calls were fun, and no one died :). I mean, there was the aftermath of last week's episode/the week before that's episode lol, but still. I'm really worried for Paul, and for his and Marjan's friendship, not to mention her reaction and how she's doing with all of this, but I think we'll all be okay. That they'll be okay. Hopefully :'pp :)). Now THAT tear is most likely a 'help me' tear lol. Anyway!! Loved Owen, surprisingly, and his storyline - more his storyline to be honest, lol, but I can at least kinda respect his arc, I guess, lol xDD -, loved the bird itself, loved Marjan and her AMAZING fashion sense, especially this episode, and all on ~display~ and everything, with multiple days out of 'the office' lol - out of work xdd it's honestly a good thing I put quotation marks on it lol, kind of on the quotation marks part, since that's not technically what they are XDD -, and I loved TK and seeing his grief, plus him telling that story and the loss and grief group, and his and Tommy's relationship in general this episode 🥰🥰🥰. Besides all that, the calls were amazing - funny, kind of, sweet, intriguing, medically especially, and smart. Just generally a good time :)). And, lastly, though I missed my boy Carlos, Mateo was adorable. Those two things are largely unrelated, but I suppose it's because the good/love factor lol. And of them both being my children - aaaas I believe pretty much everyone on this show is xDD. And for the preview - hm, not my first choice of storylines, but I'm interested! And I'm sure I'll have, and like, the side/other plots too :). I'm just intrigued, right now, mostly!! We'll see what happens, how amazing it is, though I have no doubt that it'll be good :)). If not great, or awesome! Any of those things, lol. Well, like I said, basically xD, we'll have to see!!

So yeah! Loved the episode, it was amazing :)). I'm worried for Paul and all - rhyme! :)) -, but I think we've got this :'p. Wiping off the emotional, not literal, tears, and getting ready for next week :DD <33.

This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 3, Episode 9: The Bird

I loved the episode. I thought it was great :)). And I'm very excited for the next one :DD!!

See you next week for. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 3, Episode 10: Parental Guidence

See you all then!!!!

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caranfindel · 3 years

Text

Fic: You don’t know how it feels (to be me)

gen, s6 | about 3600 words | pg for language | characters: soulless sam winchester, dean winchester

synopsis: Soulless Sam tries to deal with his brother's feelings about, well, everything. Including his hair. Set in season 6, before "You Can't Handle the Truth."

An idea I had a long time ago, resuscitated by Jared's Walker haircut. The title is from "You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

. . . . . .

It's a stupid case.

The manager of the county fairgrounds is a stooped, gnarled old man wearing one of those ball caps veterans wear sometimes. Gold embroidery on the dark blue hat proudly displays the name of his ship or submarine or whatever. Sam doesn't care about his ship or submarine or whatever. He doesn't care about this guy's service at all. Most days, old Blue Hat here got three meals a day and a warm, dry place to sleep in exchange for whatever he gave up. He got a pension when he was done fighting. Sam gets to scrounge for cheap food and sleep in crappy hotels when he's lucky enough to actually land someplace other than the back seat of the Impala. Sam's service to his country earned him a trip to Hell. Sam will get to stop fighting when he's dead. His only pension will be a pyre.

Sam doesn't even get to sleep any more.

(This should bother him. But the truth is, it doesn't.)

Blue Hat frowns at Sam's ID and snorts derisively. "You don't look like a Fed. You look like a goddamn hippie."

He rolls his eyes at the old man, even though he knows Dean hates it when he does that. It's something he didn't do Before, no matter how annoying or insipid the witness. Sam doesn't give a good goddamn what this guy thinks about his hair, but apparently his brother does. "He's been doing some undercover work," Dean says. "Sometimes you've got to look like a goddamn hippie to blend in."

Blue Hat sniffs his disapproval and ignores Sam for the rest of the interview, directing all of his answers to Dean. Which is fine. The old guy doesn't seem to have anything useful to add anyway. Sam leaves his brother to the pointless interview about the stupid case and wanders around the building, taking pictures of the unexplained runes that brought them here. He's bored. The sudden appearance of mysterious runes on the bland metal exterior of a county fairgrounds building feels witchy, and Sam really doesn't care about witches. Two measly deaths, quite possibly from natural causes, and now he's out here standing in cow shit. Or goat shit or pig shit. This entire day has been shit, literally and figuratively.

Dean joins him after a couple of minutes, apparently done with Blue Hat. "What do you think?" he asks.

Sam shrugs. "Too early to tell. If these runes are what Bobby thinks they are, they'll change under moonlight, but moonrise isn't until 9:05 pm."

“Jesus," Dean moans. "I can't stay awake that long. I've already gone almost two days. Let's go back to the motel and crash, and we'll hit this place again tonight."

Or not, Sam wants to say. I think you jumped on this paper-thin excuse for a job just because the alternative was sitting in a motel room with me waiting for an actual case to come up, Sam wants to say. But neither of these are things he would have said Before, and Dean is so goddamn twitchy about Sam being different than Before.

As they turn back to the Impala, Dean glances at Sam with a slight smile. "Dude's not wrong, you know."

“What?"

“You do look like a goddamn hippie." Dean's hand twitches toward Sam, like he's going to smack him on the back of the head or ruffle his hair, but he pulls back without touching him. Because they don't do that now. Casual, good-natured, brotherly contact isn't a thing now. Dean doesn't touch him unless there are injuries involved.

(This is another thing that should bother Sam. It would have, Before.)

. . .

Dean hangs his suit in the closet, sets an alarm, and collapses on top of the covers. Sam stares at his own bed. The threat of spending hours pretending to be asleep makes his skin crawl. If Dean falls asleep quickly enough, he can skip the whole charade.

“Hey, I think I'm gonna shower first," he says.

Dean doesn't open his eyes. "Just don't wake me up when you get out."

In the bathroom, Sam turns on the water but doesn't get undressed. He stands at the mirror, staring at his too-long hair. Why has he bothered to hold onto it? He remembers caring about his hair. He remembers it being a small fuck you to John, the one area in his life where he was able to cling to some autonomy. It's not that he's forgotten about that; he just doesn't give a shit any more.

And like Dean said, Blue Hat wasn't wrong. He does look like a hippie. The hair is a hazard, and it does clash with any kind of law enforcement disguise. Maybe it's time to do something about it. He has time to kill anyway, while Dean sleeps.

(Sam should care that he doesn't need to sleep any more. Dean would definitely care, if he found out. Dean cares so much about any aspect of Sam that is less normal than he thinks it ought to be. Even if it's something that makes him a better hunter. Dean didn't appreciate it when Sam could exorcise demons without killing the host, and Dean wouldn't appreciate that Sam can get so much done when he's not sleeping. He could never understand why this version of Sam is so much better than the way he was Before. It's a shame Dean hasn't discovered the option of Not Caring.)

(Sometimes Sam wonders if getting back with Dean is worth the trouble.)

(And that should bother him too.)

Sam shuts off the shower and pulls out his phone. He needs to find a barber shop in walking distance. Dean will get all pissy if he wakes up and the car is gone; less so if only Sam is missing. Luckily, there's a shop that might still be open. It's one of those ridiculous sports-themed places that presumes men are fussy toddlers who need to be distracted from the ignominy of a hair cut. At least they tend to be staffed by women, and those women tend to be prettier than average. With any luck, he can kill two birds with one stone.

When he opens the bathroom door, Dean is either asleep, or pretending to be. Sam scrawls couldn't sleep, back soon on the motel notepad and closes the door behind him as silently as possible.

(He misses his car. He didn't have an emotional attachment to it, like Dean and the Impala, but it was convenient and it suited him.)

(He doesn't actually have an emotional attachment to anything. That should bother him.)

. . .

Two stylists, both predictably prettier than average, look up when he walks in. The redhead says "sorry, sir, we're just about to close up," and continues sweeping up hair trimmings. But the brunette looks him up and down and smiles. And Sam's partial to brunettes anyway.

He gives her a once-over in return and smiles back. "Do you have time for just a quick cut? I'd be eternally grateful."

She stares at him for a minute, appraising. "Well, how could I turn down an offer of eternal gratefulness?" she says with a wink. She turns to the redhead. "Why don't you go on home. I've got this."

The redhead dumps her clippings into a trash can. "You sure?"

"I'm sure. You mind locking the door behind you? I don't want any more last-minute customers walking in."

The redhead raises her eyebrows, but gathers her purse and jacket and makes her escape as Sam settles into the brunette's chair.

“I'm Marianne," she says, as she starts to drape a cape over his shoulders.

“I'm Sam. But listen. I get too hot under those capes. Would it be okay if we skip it? And I just take my shirt off so I don't get hair all over it?"

Marianne smiles like the cat who caught the canary. "Not a problem, sweetheart."

Sam slips out of his dress shirt and drapes it over the empty chair next to him. Marianne watches him the whole time, eyes roving over the muscles exposed by his snug white undershirt. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

He sits back in the chair and Marianne stands behind him. Her chest brushes against his shoulders. "So," she asks, "what are we doing today?"

“Shorter. Off my collar, above my ears."

She slips her fingers through his hair, measuring its length. "You sure? This length looks pretty good on you. Just needs to be cleaned up a bit."

“It's for a job. The long hair doesn't fly any more."

“Aw, that's a shame." Marianne's still running her fingers through his hair. "If you've got a lady in your life, I bet she'll miss it. A girl likes something to hold onto."

Well. The best lies are based on a kernel of truth. Sam looks into his lap and lets his smile go sad and soft. "That's kind of why I'm here. My girlfriend died and I thought I'd try to start over. New place, new job, new life. But yeah, that's always been one of my favorite things. A girl grabbing my hair in the heat of the moment. I should have tried to find someone to do that one more time before I had to cut it off."

Marianne leans forward, pressing her breasts harder against him. When he looks up, she meets his eyes in the mirror, then flicks a glance toward a door marked Employees Only. “You know," she says, "that could probably be arranged."

Seriously. Fish in a goddamn barrel.

. . .

Dean's awake when Sam gets back to the motel room, but he doesn't look up from the laptop. "Couldn't sleep?"

“I guess I napped a little in the car on the way down here," Sam lies. "And then, you know, a lot of caffeine this morning."

“Whatever. I'm not the sleep police. I hope you brought food, cause I could —" Dean looks at Sam and stops mid-sentence, mouth still open. "You cut your hair?"

“Yeah."

“Why?"

“What do you mean, why? Like old what's-his-face said, I looked like a hippie, not an FBI agent. And you've been telling me to cut it for years."

“Yeah, I have. I've been saying that for years and you've been ignoring me for years. Now some random witness calls you a hippie and you go running to Supercuts?"

Sam sighs. Dean may not be the sleep police, but he's awfully eager to step in as the hair police, enforcing his own set of laws about Sam's hair. "Why does it matter? You wanted me to cut it. Everyone wanted me to cut it. And I cut it. Can we move on now?"

It's a statement almost guaranteed to make Dean bow up in anger, but instead, he deflates. "It's just… nothing. Fine. Moving on." He closes the laptop and pulls his keys out of his coat pocket. "We've still got an hour or so before moonrise. I'm gonna go run through McDonald's. You want a chicken sandwich, or is that something else you're not interested in any more?"

Jesus Christ. This is what passes for moving on. But Sam needs that shower now, and none of this is worth arguing about.

(Few things are any more. That seems like it should matter.)

“Yeah, that sounds great, thanks."

By the time Dean gets back, the sandwich is cold and the ice in Sam's drink is mostly melted. He pretends to enjoy it anyway.

. . .

Their drive back to the fairgrounds is quiet. Dean occasionally steals an unhappy glance at Sam's hair, but doesn't say anything. Sam ignores it.

They pull into the parking lot in front of the marked building. Without even getting out of the car, they can see that the runes have changed. The broad strokes are softly luminescent, glowing a pale blue in the moonlight.

“Okay, so that answers that question," Sam says. Thank God. Now they can leave without wandering around the grounds, soaking up the barnyard smell again. Wrap this up and start working on something more important. But Dean gets out of the car and looks at Sam expectantly. Well, crap. Sam dutifully follows him closer to the building and tries to think of how he would have felt about this development Before.

“Cool," he says. Dean narrows his eyes at him. "I mean, cool that our theory was right. Not, you know, cool that someone is using this kind of spellwork to make sure their pig wins a blue ribbon at the fair. That part's… pretty awful." But Dean's still looking at him funny, so he probably overcorrected on that one. It's just hard, any more.

Dean rubs the back of his neck as he examines the glowing runes. "If that's all they're doing, more power to them. I couldn't care less. But we need to make sure that's all they're doing. I mean, people died, Sam. We need to figure out if this is why." He pulls out his phone. "Gonna take some pictures to send Bobby." There's no reason to remind him they already have pictures. If Dean thinks additional pictures are more effective and efficient than "just like this, but glowing blue," that's up to him. Sam will most likely solve the damn case later tonight anyway, while Dean sleeps.

And he almost does. Dean knocks back a couple of glasses of whiskey when they get back to the motel, and falls asleep pretty soon after that. Sam doesn't bother to feign sleep — Dean doesn't seem to care, right now, whether his brother gets any sleep or not. But when Sam realizes his own photos missed a crucial corner of the building, he opens his brother's phone and finds his last text to Bobby. There's only one picture, and it's not glowing runes. It's him. Just a dark, slightly blurry picture of Sam, obviously taken earlier that night at the fairgrounds. And a text conversation.

See, I told you, it's short. I don't know what's going on. I swear he's just different.

Yeah, I get it. It's different. He's different. But what'd you expect? Of course he's not the same as he was. Hell changed him.

It didn't change me this much.

His Hell wasn't the same as yours. I know it didn't last very long, but remember, he was in the cage with the devil. We don't know what happened to him in there. Give him some time.

Well. Fuck. Dean's talking about him behind his back. Dean doesn't trust him. Dean thinks, once again, that something is wrong with him.

(That would have hurt, Before. Now it's just an annoyance. A distraction. Something to be dealt with.)

Yes, Hell changed him. Hell burned away all the crap, all the useless feelings, the guilt and shame and fear of failure. Hell purified him. Hell carved out the weakness and left nothing but pure, strong hunter. Dean, of all people, should appreciate the result. But Dean does not, and now Sam has to cater to his tiresome attachment to everything Sam was Before.

Fine. He can make that work.

Sam quietly puts Dean's phone back on the nightstand. He strips down to boxers and his t-shirt, sets an alarm, and crawls into bed. Pretending to sleep is tedious, but a couple of hours of boredom right now might spare him weeks of Dean's moodiness about him being different.

(As if Hell could leave you untouched. As if anyone in their right mind would expect that. As if Dean himself didn't know this first hand, for fuck's sake.)

. . .

Sam spends the next day focusing on acting the way he did Before. When his alarm goes off he stretches, yawns, and pretends he had a good night's sleep. He goes for a run, brings back coffee, showers quickly, and rolls his eyes when Dean makes a crack about him being able to spend less time in the shower now. At breakfast, he smiles at the (cute, definitely worth a bang) waitress, but doesn't flirt or even check her out as she walks away. He's figured out that Dean wants Sam to want to get laid (but not too much; he's definitely not supposed to want it as much as Dean wants it) but for some reason doesn't want him to actually get lucky. And he definitely would have gotten lucky. He spends the day looking empathetic, acting like this whole thing hasn't been a colossal waste of time. Like he cares about everything. About anything.

(God, it's exhausting.)

It turns out the deaths probably don't have anything to do with the witch at all. They return to the fairgrounds one last time, where Sam plants hex bags and paints runes on the corners of the building that will block the witch's simple spells - not that he cares whether the witch achieves anything or not, just on principle. His own runes are small and subtle enough that this novice witch (they must be a novice; no one with any experience would be naive enough to make their work so noticeable) won't even know they're in place. And if the witch escalates, well, that's not exactly Sam's problem.

When he's finished, he wipes his hands on his jeans and says "We should get Chinese for dinner. When's the last time you ate a vegetable?" Because monitoring everyone's vegetable intake is something he did Before.

They're finishing Chinese takeout in their motel room (beef with broccoli for Dean, eggplant in garlic sauce for Sam, because occasional bouts of vegetarianism were also a thing he did Before) when he catches Dean looking at his hair, very clearly wanting to say something.

So. It's go time.

Sam tries to make his eyes big and sad. The puppy dog look, Dean always called it. It was never intentional Before, but now he has to work at it. "Listen," he says. "I owe you an apology. I haven't been telling you the whole truth."

“No shit," Dean says. He's trying to sound nonchalant, but his body language screams that he's bracing for something. "So, spill it. What's your big confession?"

(That I don't care about any of this. This piddly little case. My hair. You. Nothing. And you can't imagine, Dean, you cannot even begin to imagine the incredible freedom of not caring. I wish you could, but you just can't.)

No, he can't say any of that. But the best lies are built on a kernel of truth.

Sam takes a deep, anxious breath and looks at Dean. No, wait. Look away. "You know, I told you I don't remember Hell. And I really don't. Not consciously, anyway. But when we were fighting those demons a couple of weeks ago, one of them grabbed me by the hair, and I felt something… it was a sense memory, I guess. It felt like Hell, for some reason. Like it was something that happened to me in Hell, someone grabbing my hair and pulling my head back and getting ready to cut my throat or… whatever."

He doesn't have to elaborate on whatever. Dean knows the whatevers of Hell better than anyone. He's probably dealing with a little sense memory of his own right now, of clutching someone's hair and pulling their head back in preparation for whatever. And now Sam does look at his brother, who is staring at him with wide, horrified eyes.

“Ever since then," Sam continues, "I just feel like I've been on the verge of remembering something. Something I don't want to remember. And I'm tired of worrying that I'm gonna have a Hell flashback every time I wash my hair."

Dean looks like he's going to vomit. Perfect.

“I'm sorry," Sam says. "It threw me, and I just didn't want to talk about it. But I shouldn't have kept it from you."

For a second, he's sure he has gone too far. Dean is going to say what's this bullshit, Sam, you would never apologize for something like that, so tell me what's really going on. But he doesn't. He stares at Sam for a minute, then looks away and wipes a hand down his face.

“Yeah, okay. Okay. You, ah. You good now? Is it working?"

Sam shrugs. "Hard to say. It hasn't been very long. But yeah, I feel a little more… stable, I guess."

And then it’s time to go for the kill.

Sam gives him the sad smile. (He never used to think of it as a sad smile; never used to think of it as anything at all. It was just what his face did. Every expression requires so much thought now.) "Listen. I know things are weird. I know I'm weird. Different. I know it's hard for you. If this is all more than you want to deal with right now, I understand."

Dean frowns. "What are you saying?"

“Just, I can go back with Samuel and his crew if you don't want to do this any more. You and me, I mean. No hard feelings, I promise."

Dean's face crumples. "What? No, fuck, no, Sam. I don't. You and me, we're good. I'm just getting used to things. That's all."

“Okay." Sam gives his best approximation of a grateful smile.

“So. Uh." Dean looks around the room nervously, like he's waiting for the other shoe to fall, then stands. "I think I'm gonna go get a drink. You wanna come with, or…"

Even if Sam believed Dean really wanted him to come along — and he doesn't; this is obviously Dean's way of retreating from a situation he doesn't want to think about — pretending to sleep when Dean's gone is one of the easier ways of making it look like he actually does sleep sometimes. "No. I'm beat," he says. "I think I'll just go to bed."

“Okay. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea." Dean takes his keys out of his pocket and anxiously tosses them in his hand. When he finally does turn to Sam, he looks at his hair, not his eyes. "Hey, you know, it does. It does look good on you."

Sam ducks his head shyly, like someone who's not used to praise. Who doesn't think he deserves it. "Thanks." When he looks up, Dean is already halfway out the door, putting as much space between himself and his little brother's hellscape as possible.

(Seriously. Fish in a fucking barrel.)

#my fic #sam winchester #dean winchester #soulless sam is my spirit animal #spn #season 6

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that.

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek.

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things?

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response.

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion:

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home.

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who?

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door...

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home.

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.”

What’s more Star Trek than that?

#star trek #ST #mymetas #Anonymous

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bestbonnist · 3 years

Text

Chapter 147.1

There wasn't much to analyze this chapter which means after I get the boring stuff out of the way I can go over my favorite parts (which I'm sure won't be interesting to anyone but me, so I'm sticking them under the cut). Anyways it's time to go over what there is to go over, starting with how long it's been since this arc started.

Six months. Six fucking months. I thought it was a few weeks at most. And I'd estimate that Fushi's spent three of those months not attending school or visiting home, which makes Tonari's reaction to their arrival seem even more lackluster. Out of all of their friends, she's the only one who's actually acclimatized to the present era, but Fushi still thinks something's wrong with her even though the reader would find her behavior normal. Tonari's a leader, when Fushi went missing and everyone else struggled with the world around them she probably took it on herself to step up. She's not happy, but she's working to take her mind of things in a way that's similar to how she gave herself a new goal and built up poison immunity after her friends died.

Ironically, March and Eko are the ones who have specifically wanted to learn to write in the past. To get that kind of reaction out of Eko, their tutor might be horrifically bad at adapting to her students' needs. March is probably pushing herself to do her best like Tonari. And Kai continues to be prevented from fulfilling his dream. It's probably possible for him to go to a smithy, or get a permit, but in the meantime he keeps getting arrested. The spirit bear and horse are noticeably absent (so are Messar and Bon), and it's entirely possible they've been taken away, to a zoo for instance?

But what's most concerning is whatever happened with Gugu and Hylo. I mean really, what the hell. It looks like Gugu's mask was broken and crumbly when Fushi picked it up, and was discarded on the ground instead of placed somewhere specific. Some of Gugu's clothing is singed, and holes have been burned through it. Hylo's arm is broken, that could be from literally anything because he wouldn't know he's overexerting himself, but it looks like he's also singed in some places. His hair is also messed up while Gugu's is lying flat. From all of this, and the seeming newfound familiarity Hylo has with law enforcement (he says "yes, officer" which indicates that he knows what to say in that situation despite not knowing what the police were when he first arrived) my conclusion is I have no idea what the fuck is going on. It's also really weird that these two in particular are getting dropped off by police, because Gugu follows whatever rules are put in front of him and unless there's a really good reason to do otherwise, Hylo does the same. The arriving home all messed up reminded me of Shouko and Shouya getting bullied as kids in Koe no Katachi. Gugu and Hylo are both outsiders, and on top of that Gugu's disfigured and has an eye-catching mask. Even in the previous era assholes were drawn to it like moths to a flame.

The Gugu/Hylo business will continue to be important into the next chapter. I wonder if Fushi will try to resolve this themselves. If they try going to high school with Gugu and Hylo that has a lot of potential that could be explored, especially depending on which form they use. Parona, Rynn, and Kahaku are all available, but Rynn would be upsetting for Gugu (Parona for March too) and I don't know if Fushi would stoop to using Hayase's form on a technicality. I think Sumika goes to the same school though, so there're more possible meaningful interactions there. Mostly I just want to see more of Gugu and Hylo, their dynamic with each other, how they're adjusting to the present era, and their character development. They weren't even in the same arcs and yet they've been lumped together for a while now since they're both high school students, the only other thing they have in common is their specific relation to Fushi (both relate to them because society considers all of them to be monsters) and their most recent deaths were the same (caused by an anti-Fushi faction).

Fushi's recap at the beginning was very cute. There wasn't anything particularly great about it, I just like when they narrate things. The tilt of the panel, the darkness, and the mountains all remind me of this page from the spirit bear arc. It's probably just a little callback.

Fushi using big, unrestrained gestures is so nice.. I like it a lot... when their emotions get really exaggerated, because they usually try to gesture inward instead of outward. They do that a lot in the new world arc and I feel things when I see that.

Eko is a feral cat.

This is such a minute detail but the way they get on the ground to yell at March from the side instead of picking her up right away or doing something productive is so funny. Who does that when they see someone collapsed. I'm just saying a lot of the scenes in the present era have a lot of humor that would be elevated if they were voiced and animated. And the image of Fushi stomping around while screaming at the top of their lungs is so funny.. help..

Finally this panel. I don't know why, but it gives me a very specific kind of feeling. Maybe because up until that point, the chapter had been mostly comedy, but this felt so serious. Gugu seems normal, although nervous and shaken, but Hylo is usually stoic—I guess is the best word, or at least he's very good at acting calm—even during fights so tilting his head down has more impact than it would if a different character did it.

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yeongwvnhi · 3 years

Text

You and I on top of it all

This one is quite the brutal piece of work so proceed with caution and be mindful of the warnings. Do tell me if I missed something possibly triggering.

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Pairing - Oneus Hyung line (only one makes it) x fem reader

Genre - Angst, Suspense, Suggestive, Horror, Gore

Warnings - murder, violence, blood, weapons, language, death, injuries, guns, shooting, graphic descriptions of murder and violence, romanticizing these themes for the plot

Taglist - @twancingyunhoe @runaway-fics @bearseokie @kingleedo @malzenn

Word count - 3k

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It was 11pm and you were hurrying down the street to get back home. You weren't planning on being outside when it started. Last year still left you shaking in your boots, but this year you will turn the table and stop being afraid.

What exactly is it?

It is the purge. The day every crime is made legal and services like police, firefighters or paramedics aren't available.

Originally you were planning on just hiding out somewhere safe until the 12 hours were over but not this year. This time you wanted to let loose, go absolutely crazy and see where the night will take you. Maybe you'll find a companion or more? Maybe you'll die, who knows?

Back on topic.. Why were you even out this late? Simple. You bought some nice weapons for tonight. What were those weapons? An array of knives, a bat with spikes and even a damn katana. This time you wouldn't hold back.

A guy came your way and immediately changed course after seeing your array of weapons. This was exactly what you wanted people to do. Fear you, be scared for their life and just run as far away as they could from you.

Eyeing the clock above your TV in the living room while taking off your shoes, you realize that it's barely 11:20pm. The fun would have to wait.

With a shrug you move into your bedroom to put on tonight's outfit. You were going crazy tonight and no one would hold you back, not even your damn clothes.

You have carefully picked out your clothes a few days ago just for tonight. All black to blend into the night, your casual tight fitting jeans and shirt and your newly bought jacket. There you would store all the knives since it had a lot of pockets.

The sound of a notification from your phone made you stop examining yourself in your mirror and with an eye roll you go to check.

Hwanwoong: Hey Y/N, I know that you will be partaking in tonight's purge… I hope you won't die so I can see you again soon..

Your best friend has always been worried about you and everything that could happen.

You: I will be just fine, Woong, don't worry. You better be safe tho or I will kill you.

After you sent your reply, you didn't bother to check if he answered. You wouldn't be taking your phone with you tonight. Everything else besides your weapons will be staying in your apartment tonight… besides your keys, you decided to give them to your friendly neighbor since he would be waiting out the event tonight.

Once again your eyes find the clock and a small smile slowly crawls onto your lips. 11:30pm. Soon the fun would begin and you just couldn't wait to finally get your sweet, sweet revenge.

You secure your sword around your back with the holster and then take your baseball bat. These spikes were so sharp and you couldn't wait to see the damage they would cause.

The weight of your jacket slowly increased the more knives you put into the pockets and you were so full of adrenalin, to find the person who took everything from you.

11:45pm, the crazed smile slowly made its way back onto your lips. Just a little while.

You got up and put your also black leather boots on, tired of waiting for the chaos to unfold.

With the baseball bat in one hand and your keys in the other you exit your apartment. You lock the door and go to knock on your neighbor's door.

The man opens the door and you give him a less crazy smile upon seeing the fear in his eyes. "Hey Keonhee, don't worry i just came here to drop off my keys!" You say and hold up said object.

The taller guy visibly relaxes and smiles back at you. "You scared me there, Y/N"

"Sorry~" you chuckle and put your keys into his outstretched palm. "Please be safe, yeah?"

Keonhee chuckles nervously and nods. "You too"

"Oh I will" you reply, "I'm going to go now. I'll see you tomorrow at 12"

He closes the door and you hear several locks clicking shut behind it, one after another.

You swing the bat up and rest it on your shoulder, mindful of the spikes, and walk down the street. It was awfully quiet now and your gaze meets the giant digital clock on a huge building.

11:53pm

"Hey!" Someone calls after you and you halt in your steps. "Where are you heading to?"

You turn around and look at the guy. Tall, black hair and also full black attire. "Why would you wanna know? But I suppose you already know the answer judging from your choice of clothing"

He walks closer and you now fully see his features. He looks too good to be true. The black turtleneck sweater isn't helping your thoughts either. "You're right" he replies with a sinister smirk. "I'm also going to fuck up someone's life"

You immediately felt drawn to him, he looked just as crazed as you right now.

But that didn't mean you'd stay here any longer to chat away, no. It was almost time and you wanted to get your hands dirty.

So you give the guy an almost too nice looking smile and turn back around.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asks and you hear his fast paced footsteps approach you. "Don't just leave a conversation like that"

You chuckle and start swinging your bat around. "I don't really care about conversations right now, pretty boy"

The Guy scoffs, but you see his smirk in your peripheral vision. "So… are you out for someone special tonight? Or do you just want to blow off some steam?"

"Does it really matter?" You question in return and meet his eyes for a second. "Also, who even are you?"

"I'm Youngjo" He replies and shoots you a grin, this time less sinister. "And I guess it does? I could help you out"

He did have a point, maybe he would actually be of help. "Fine" you nod. "Someone-"

A loud alarm shakes the silence of the city, the purge has started.

The two of you immediately look at each other with an excited expression. "Fuck it, let's spill some blood" he says and grabs you by the wrist, dragging you right into the chaos of people running around left and right.

You manage to escape his grip and fasten your pace to match his.

"Out of my way!" Someone yells and you see a guy running straight at you.

No way you're having that shit tonight. "Fuck off!" You spit back and swing your baseball bat right at the guy's head.

Pretty much to his horror because he can't stop and runs straight into your death trap. His skull smashes against your spiky weapon and you feel his blood splattering onto your face.

Youngjo has stopped running the moment he heard you spitting back at that guy and witnessed the gory scene. He felt his heart skip a beat and met your eyes, both of you dazed.

"That felt so fucking good" You murmur and Youngjo nods eagerly. For that moment the two of you completely blended out the chaos around you.

Until there were gunshots, that's when you reacted and pulled him into an alleyway, hiding behind the wall to not get shot.

Youngjo cornered you against the wall, one hand beside your head for balance. He had his gaze fixated on your side profile while you were checking where the gunshots were coming from.

"Hey" The tall guy mumbles and your attention belongs to him this instant. "I never thought I'd think that watching a girl smashing a guy's head in would be this hot"

You click your tongue and roll your eyes, but can't help the smirk that appears slowly. "You're crazy"

Youngjo's head falls down and he breathes out a chuckle before looking you dead in the eye. "It would be boring if I wasn't, wouldn't it, sweetheart?"

You can't deny the tingling feeling you felt in your stomach at that and your free hand went up to the back of his neck. "Shut up"

"Make me"

"What the fuck are you doing?" A new voice interrupts the two of you. "Wait- Hyung?"

You turn to look at the guy, annoyance written all over your face for having interrupted the moment. "I fucking hate you for this"

The guy chuckles nervously and Youngjo leans away to stand at a normal distance. "Why are you here, Seoho? And where is Geonhak?"

"You didn't just ask me that" he retorts and holds up a bloody machete. "Obviously I'm out for blood tonight"

A shiver runs down your spine, the vibes that guy gives off are insane. Quite literally.

"Oh" Youngjo's mouth forms an o-shape. "I see. But now where is Geonhak?"

"Ah! Right" Seoho piques up and nods his head in the left direction. "He started chasing some weirdo who was about to get a bit too comfy with this girl"

"Still the nice guy even during a time like this, huh?" Youngjo laughs. "Anyway, we should continue our little fun game now, shouldn't we?"

You grin and pick up your bat. "We should just go as a group, covering more people n shit"

"What's your name?" Seoho asks you out of the blue, nodding at your suggestion.

"Oh, I'm Y/N" You reply before making your way out of the alley and onto the street. "And I see a group of people right up front"

"Let's spill some blood then, shall we?" Youngjo smirks.

The two guys follow you and you hear one of them clinking blades together.

"Hey you!" You shout and the group of four, three guys and a girl, look at you. "Wanna die?!"

"What are you gonna do, little girl?" One of the guys shouts back and you halt in your steps.

With a dark chuckle, you open your jacket and pull out a knife. "I'll fucking kill you" is your only response as you throw the knife at him. It connects with his thigh, making him scream in pain and fall to the ground.

"You have good aim, doll" Youngjo mumbles while passing by you. "Now I'll finish him"

"Leave some fun for me too!" Seoho whines and just runs at the group of people, slicing the girls throat with his machete with ease.

Her blood pours out of the massive gash and you hear her gurgling on the liquid.

One of the two unharmed guys squares up against Youngjo, but he's at a disadvantage in height.

Youngjo makes quick work of the guy, pulling out a knife from a pocket on his pants and stabbing him in the chest. He pushes the guy away from him and he collapses on the corpse of the girl.

The fourth guy must've ran away so it's only the injured man on the ground and your little group.

"Finish him! Finish him c'mon!" Seoho jumps around and you look at Youngjo, but he just nods towards the guy. Your sign to kill him.

"Too bad that you will die now, huh?" You say and lunge the bat right into his face, killing him right on the spot. "Bastard" You spit and pull out your knife from his thigh and put it back where you took it from.

"Jesus christ" Seoho murmurs and you look at him. "That was fucking hot"

You shake off the remains of the guy's brain from your bat. "Shut up" you hiss, slightly flustered. "We should find your friend instead"

"Right" Youngjo agrees. "Let's go"

He leads the way with Seoho and you following behind.

"So… are you out for someone special tonight?" Seoho asks and looks at you through his sharp eyes. "You look tense, darling"

"I probably won't find him anyways, I'm tense because I don't know if I will die tonight" You give him your answer and hold your bat just a little bit tighter. "So I'm going to use that as my fuel to create as much chaos as I can"

"I see~" He chirps and focuses back on Youngjo who's still leading the way.

After a bit more walking, the two guys spot their friend sitting next to a wall, gun in hand and blood on his hands and face.

"Geonhak, what the fuck happened" Youngjo asks him straight away and kneels in front of him.

"I killed that asshole, but I also accidently shot the girl. They're both dead" he mumbles, but a satisfied grin forms on his lips. "Now she won't suffer anymore"

"Hey get up, we gotta create more chaos!" Seoho urges and you exhale a breathy laugh.

"I think there are a lot of people in the inner city. It's getting louder the closer we get" You say and nod in the vague direction. "Let's go guys"

"Ooohh sure~" Seoho immediately agrees and Youngjo also looks pleased with your suggestion.

"Oh you guys brought a companion?" Geonhak asks and stands up. "What's your name pretty girl?"

You shake the hair out of your face and scoff at the compliment. "I'm Y/N. Now let's go!"

"I know a shortcut" Seoho exclaims. "It's just-"

"No! Your shortcuts are dangerous as fuck!" Youngjo rejects his suggestion.

"C'mon let's just go this way" you tell Seoho. "We can take your shortcut on our way back, alright?"

"Fine" He grumbles in response.

Your group quickly gets to the big commotion in the inner city and you just decide to let hell break loose.

Geonhak starts shooting whoever comes into focus, Youngjo aimlessly stabs people in his way and Seoho attacks everything in his way.

"Let's dance little lady" some weirdo says and faces you, pipe in his hand. "Got ya!" He yells and strikes at you.

You dodge in the last moment, swinging your spiky bat at the dude's face, making him stumble back in surprise. "You got a mean one there, hun. Would be a shame if it went out of your hands, right?"

"Shut up asshole" you hiss and and take another swing at him, this time grazing his arm with a spike and making it bleed.

"That hurt you stupid bitch" he spits with venom. "I'll end you"

"Good luck" you huff and take a step back.

"What-" before he can finish his sentence, you hear a gunshot and blood splattering everywhere.

"Nice shot Geonhak!" You shout and give the man a thumb up. "Saved my ass"

After that little exchange you quickly go on and just smash in people heads left and right.

One was a tough nut though.

"You've got some nerves, little girl" a tall man smirks after he smacked the bat out of your hands and a good distance away from you. "Attacking others from behind. Tch"

"Stop talking, bastard" you growl and pull out your katana, glad you took it with you. "I'll kill you"

"Try to~" he laughs and throws a punch, but you step aside at the last second.

"Go to hell!" You yell and swing your blade at him, slicing his cheek and leaving him in shock.

"You'll pay for that you damn bitch"

After that, a painful shout came from behind you and you heard Geonhak calling out Youngjo's name.

"Shit-" you go to turn around and leave this fucker behind, but he kicks away your legs and you fall to the ground.

"Fuck you" you huff in pain, the katana luckily still in your hand. That's when you see your three companions.

Geonhak has Youngjo's head in his lap and repeatedly smacks his cheeks to get him to wake up.

But he won't.

He's dead.

"Oh noo~ Did your friend die? What a shame" the man mocks and laughs.

You clench your hand around the handle of the katana and roll onto your back and thrust the blade right into his torso.

"What-" He coughs in shock before falling to the floor backwards.

You just stand up and run towards the guys now, falling to your knees next to Youngjo's lifeless body in Geonhak's lap.

"Who did this?" You ask, emotionless, eyes void of anything but rage.

"I did" Geonhak mumbles, hanging his head. "I wanted to shoot the fucker you were fighting, but Hyung caught the bullet"

You remain silent, but you see Seoho behind Geonhak going rigid. "You… killed Youngjo Hyung…?"

"It was an accide-"

Geonhak couldn't finish his sentence. Seoho slit his throat right there and the green haired man's blood splattered your already dirty face even more.

But you weren't fazed. You couldn't help him anymore anyways.

That's when you noticed just how quiet everything suddenly was, so you looked around and saw corpses upon corpses.

"When did this happen?" You ask and look at Seoho, his blank stare not bothering you at all as you stand up.

"I killed the last person before I saw you guys here" He answers and you step away from the two men on the ground, dead and bleeding out.

You heard Seoho walking up next to you. "So this is it? We go home after this and try to get our lives back together?"

"Not necessarily" he says, "we can stay together"

"What do you mean?"

"People who kill together, stay together" he explains and smiles. He actually looks cute and for a second you forgot that he's a serial killer.

But so are you.

"That sounds nice" you smile back.

"So now it's you and I on top of it all" He whispers and pulls you in close by the waist. "You're mine"

Your hands wander up to his shoulders and you move closer. "Only yours" you mumble against his lips and he closes the gap, greedily moving his mouth against yours. His grip on your waist tightens and pulls you impossibly closer.

You'll never forget this day.

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samtheflamingomain · 3 years

Text

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

#rehab #alcoholism #alcohol tw #sam #recovery #sobriety

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tuesdayx · 3 years

Text

So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

#tuesday x #emo #music #alternative #art rock #diy music #diy #midwest #underground #lyrics #essential #covid19

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blackdogdesignuk · 3 years

Text

The Diner Dilemma

Written by Blackdogdesignuk

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30510615

Warnings: explicit, smutt, porn without plot, maybe a slight plot. Sub/Dom play, light bdsm, forced orgasms, hand free, sex toys, humiliation, exhibitionism, hint at kink shaming, restraints, Mr. not-much-dialogue Whiskey, no consent, clit slapping, girl on girl. girl on boy.

Summary:

You've never felt such conflicting feelings before, as Poppy meanly flicked your pert nipples you felt the embarrassment creep over your face but deep down a small stab of shameless pleasure inside was eating away at you. Neither of you were trained for this sort of torture.

Notes:

Self insert warnings: It's a female self insert, I think, she has a vagina anyway and I'm using she/her pronouns ...also she's blushing petal pink which suggests her skin tone as Caucasian, she's based on me, a pale ass white girl. Also she has a name, or a nickname anyhow. I've no idea what I'm doing.

2.4k words I believe of the most self indulgent thing I've ever written. To be honest it's the only thing I'd class as a fanfiction I've written. I write short poems not porn but this whole scene came to me whilst participating in the (solo) business of pleasure. That's when I thought, Jesus there is something wrong with me... Maybe other people will like this too? 😳😂

Also do I know how to use page breaks? .. 😒 no.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

"Well if this isn't the most interesting situation we've found ourselves In!"

Poppy exclaimed playfully. The setting sun was blinding you slightly through the big diner windows, bathing the whole bar area in a warm orange glow. Poppy Adams was pacing the retro diner floor in front of the table you were currently tied to. Shivering with adrenaline and maybe cold because you had been embarrassingly stripped down to your knickers and the very thin, very see through strappy top you wore under your work clothes. The ropes rubbing against your wrists behind your back were burning into you as you slienty struggled against your restraints.

"Now see here Miss" exclaimed Agent Whiskey "Your boarish robot hounds almost ripped my good hand clean off!"

"Quiet down please Jack" Miss Adams' sickly sweet baby voice disgusted you "I set a very clever honeytrap for one of those sneaky undercover agents who were following me and well.. here you are! Agent... Babydoll is it?" She nodded at you "yes you look like a Babydoll... Poor sweet girl fell for it hook, line and sinker... I didn't expect you to be with her" Poppy kicked Whiskey's boots "Intel suggested you were undercover in London with Kingsman. How wrong we were and I've managed catch not one but TWO Statesman agents in my sticky web! What a bounty eh?" Poppy Adams smiled whilst seating herself at the bar, swinging her legs playfully.

You glanced over at your partner hoping he had been formulating a plan to get you both out of this mess, however he looked just as confused as you were with his hands tied to the table legs behind his head and they had even secured him around his broad middle. Like a trussed up pig ready for slaughter, least he’d kept his jeans on you though jealously.

Poppy cleared her throat "Now we are going to play a little game my dears, we've all the time in the world whilst I wait from your bosses about my demands and I'm bored and feeling a little evil this morning"

Your heartbeat kicked up a notch as she clicks her fingers and one of her minions barged through the kitchen double doors, dragging some sort of dentist/barbers chair. He heaved it loudly across the floor until it was positioned in front of you.

As Poppy opened a box she'd pulled out from behind the bar, her henchman was busying himself with untying you from the table and man handling you into this very hard and very uncomfortable chair. It was as dated as the rest of this joint you thought, like something you'd find in a 1920's barbers, however this one had been modified clearly as it had big buckle straps on the arms where your wrists would go, metal stirrups and more straps where your legs would be resting on the small platform.

You watch confused as he quickly made himself scarce and you see Poppy had now armed herself a black leather handled flogger, it had gunmetal grey chains hanging down delicately from where she'd wrapped it around her wrist.

Oh shit.

Poppy Adams pushed you back forcefully into the chair until every soft part of you was exposed. You wouldn't be that embarrassed, it was an empty room, however you were hyper aware of the fact Agent Whiskey was tied up and eye level with your crotch a literal stone's throw away from you.

Smiling as she stung your thigh with a sharp bite of her cat o' nine tails Poppy then almost lovingly parted your legs and placed your feet into into the stirrups of the medical contraption. Completely.. completely vulnerable you thought as she buckled your wrists tight and pulled a small lever on the chair which made the metal stirrups spread your legs wide to keep you in place and exposed fully.

Sheepishy you glanced up to make eye contact with Agent Whiskey, trying to give him an apologetic look but to your suprise you found he was blushing severely and his eyes were darting around, looking at everything but you. Even his ears were slowly turning pinker by the second and you swear he had a small bead of sweat making its way down his temple.

What a bitch you thought.

"No Agent Whiskey" Poppy snapped as she walked over to him "give your colleague your full attention, she obviously wants it, the least you can do is look whilst I torture her in front of you"

Poppy grabbed Jack's face with it hand and directed it at you. "I think you'll like the show I'm going to give you? You may try look away in some sort of twisted respect agent but the tight bluge in your jeans is a dead give away that your enjoying this as much as I am."

"This is not right Ma'am....I can't.. p-pleeeasagggh" stuttered Whiskey helplessly as Poppy Adam's jumped off his lap and slapped your partner across the face, cutting short his pleas. Turning quickly around she walked to grab a big pink dildo from the case on the bar, it was about 10 inches long and the tasteful thickness of it suprised you. You felt sure you had the same one in your bedside drawer at home..

Walking up behind you Poppy leant over your shoulder, making bedroom eyes at Jack whilst the she nibbled your ear and slowly dragged the sex toy down your body, teasing your skin.. slowly...slowly.. until she came to the outside of your lacy knickers. Pressing a button on the side, it started vibrating at the tip which caused you to jump unexpectedly as the vibrations tickled your clit through the fabric of your underwear. She worked at you for a good few minutes. Pulling hot pants from your lips and giving you cold sweats whilst you tried to stop your eyes rolling in to the back of your head.

"Oh Honeybee, I'm going to make you cum for me now, right here in front of your colleagues and there isn't a thing you can do about it. I'm in control.." she whispered into your ear whilst squeezing your nipple with her other free hand. "..and there is nothing you can do about it, your body will betray you and I will get what I want" a sharp jolt of pleasure shot through your crotch as she caught your clit in just the perfect spot. You gasped surprising even your self at how thicky sexual it sounded.

Deciding the fabric was hindering her efforts, Poppy swiftly tugged them off and dragged them down your legs, catching them slightly on the metal parts of the chair. Abandoning you a moment she spat on her hand and slapped your clit which was now becoming more swollen by the minute, you mewled at the shock of the sting. Your nipples hard as bullets now as she slid the whole length slowly in to your aching pussy. The sound of it sliding in to your wet cunt was so obscene and Jack was just staring now, mouth slighty parted, the buttons on his jeans threatening to pop at any moment. This did nothing but spur you on despite the degrading act being forced upon you, deep down being the submissive was always a fantasy of yours. Did Poppy know this? Or did she not expect you to like this sort of kink torture? Maybe you were more fucked up than you originally thought.

Your face prickled with shame as a pink glow crept over your cheeks. Concious of your nose and chin as it always threatened to betray you when you were very aroused turning a rosy pink petal colour. Thinking back to the many nights you'd spent in hotel rooms during undercover missions with your partner. Thinking about when you came hard but silently, stifling a fist into your mouth, knowing Agent Whiskey was in the next room and secret wishing it was him who'd given you such a long, wet, sticky orgasm. Your face sold you out though, it was a dead give away when you answered the door to his frantic knocks and requests to get dressed, informing you about the change of plans from HQ. You suspected he did know...he's not dumb. Jack's eyes had shot from your crumpled up bed sheets back to your flushed cheeks and chin, lingering on your face a little longer than you'd expect..

That same flushed look you had then was painted over your face now and he knew it too as he seemingly couldn't now break eye contact with you.

As Poppy fucked you messily with the dildo, your body abandoned you getting more juicy and slippery by the minute. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife, and was only penetrated by the obscene sound of your gushing pussy and your uneven pants, trying to catch your breath and fight against the unwanted pleasure rocking thorough your body. Miss Adam's slowly removed the plastic member that she was fucking your cunt with and dipped two fingers deep into you, coating them in your slick.

Thankful for the breather you closed your eyes for a moment but when you opened them you watched horrified as she'd wandered over to Whiskey and smeared your creamy mess all over Jack's face, forcefully slipping a finger into his mouth so he could taste that sweet nectar. You bit your lip as Jack was clearly struggling against wanting to take control of the situation and enjoying this too much.

Did he like it? What is she doing now? She's touching his jeans.. oh Jesus, please... Don't...

Jealousy panged deep in your stomach. Poppy was now sliding his zipper down but she didn't really need to help him much more as the button popped it's self open. Quickly realising why as it was absolutely magnificent. Looking into his big brown eyes you couldn't tell if he was enjoying your pain or sympathising with it, but his now thick, beautiful, coffee coloured cock was standing to attention and jerking with each grunt he made in an attempt to clean his new creamy moustache off with his tounge.

Poppy just laughed staring at the sorry sight she'd created. "I've heard of men cumming hands free before but I've never witnessed it, let's see Babydoll do you think we could make it happen for him? It would be humiliating right? ESPECIALLY as I’d forgot to mention the live feed you have in that fancy cowboy hat you're wearing Whiskey, it's playing all this fun back to your HQ right?"

Fuck!

You gasped, hoping Ginger had enough respect for you both to turn off the audio and video feed but leaving the GPS tracking active so we could at least be rescued.

"Yes, yes, I know they can track you, in all honesty I wasn't expecting any ransom I just wanted to fuck with you both for shits and giggles to be honest" Poppy smirked.

You blinked, looking back at Jack for some sort of reaction to this horrifying news but he just had his eyes closed and was thrusting his hips into nothingness, beads of sticky precum were dripping from the tip of his dick on to his jeans. That big beautiful dick swaying and twitching in the air, it was mesmerising. Clearly Poppy was paying attention too as she drapped the chains of the whip over his throbbing cock causing Whiskey to cry out and jump in anticipation.

"You dirty boy Jack Daniels" she scoffed and pulled her flail back so fast it caught the tip of his penis sharply making him whimper in pain.

Paying her attention back to you, she took the vibrating member in her perfectly manicured hands and held it on your clit. It was too painfully long, stoking your fire relentlessly, not letting you have even a second to compose your self as you struggled to fight down the familiar sensation quite literally buzzing in your nerve endings.

For fuck sake, I don't want this! I can't give her the satisfaction of the screaming orgasm she's forcing out of me.

You writhed, swinging between pleasure and pain, it was too intense. Too sensitive. Your thighs were shaking with anticipation as you edged closer and closer to your climax. Agent Whiskey stared intensely at your body, his chest rising fast now, he looked like a man possessed. He was close, you could tell. His face contorted in to an almost painful state of bliss.

Glassy eyed, his rhythm faultered and his hips tensed as thick ropes of cum shot out of his spent cock and splattered on to his heaving stomach. Once, twice, three times he twitched releasing more and more hot creamy fluid. Jack gasped for air as his orgasm dribbled down slowly over his beautiful tanned skin making quite a mess of his public hair. His face shined with sweat whilst he stared at you, beautiful brown eyes apologising, shame painted across his expression.

"Oh d-darlin.." he managed to stutter.

Well, that was the final nail in your coffin. Tipping you over the edge, you let out the filthiest moan you had ever given anyone, inspired out of darkest depths of your depraved mind. Your orgasm gushed out of your swollen slippery pussy and slid down the shaft of the dildo she was using to finish you off. It pooled satisfyingly in a creamy mess just above your asshole, threatening to spoilt the leather chair you were strapped to.

''There you go Babydoll, we got there in the end didn't we... You both must have been sooo tightly wound. What... Was that a record 4 minutes until Whisky shot his load hmm?" She sneered with that stupid baby voice and then leaned in close to your face "..and you clearly have had a lot of practice havn't you? Look at that pretty pussy all messed up. I might even get him to crawl over here and clean you up huh? But that would be just what you want I now suspect..."

BOOM..

Poppy's sentence was interrupted by a huge explosion from the back of the Diner, as a dozen men ran in to the room.

You closed your eyes in relief. God damn it, Ginger. Took your time honey...

Notes:

I don't think forced orgasm and light bondage will have a huge audience but I would never forgive myself if I didn't make this into at least a paragraph or more.

I have also created a piece of art to go along side this story see my socials here to find it -https://linktr.ee/blackdogdesignuk also a video showing the 'making of' the sketch my tiktok - search Bettyblushes

Please excuse any grammatical errors mistakes, I truly tried to catch them all but it's been a hot decade since I studied at school. 😬

#Pedro pascal #agent whiskey #Jack Daniels #kingsman #Statesman #A03

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milkygcf · 4 years

Note

Hi i'd luv 2 req. A bully jungkook x reader e2l fic pls 🥺 5k~ tysm!

//credits go to @jjoon for the gif!//

Pairing | jjk x reader

Genre | e2l, bully!jungkook, college au

Warnings | mild cursing

Summary | ❝ Hi i'd luv 2 req. A bully jungkook x reader e2l fic pls 🥺 5k~ tysm!❞

Word Count | 5.4k

Author’s Note | hi anon! i’m sorry this took so long to write ... this really inspired me to write a full fic! i had to cramp in as much as i could and hopefully it goes to your liking ❤ thank you for your request! ________________________________________________________________

When you hoped for the best college experience, you didn’t mean to bring Jeon Jeongguk along with you. As far as you knew, he had other plans for a different school - so why did you end up spending a year and a half of college facing the worst each day?

It started when you accidentally spilt his juice all over his study notes when a friend of yours jokingly pushed you. From that very day on, he’s been firing you up almost every day of seeing you within his sight. Making you seethe when he steps into your vision. Despite apologizing and offering to rewrite his notes for him, he still made it his mission to make college incredibly agonizing for you.

For example, all the times he’s made you feel like pure, utter shit.

Unlike what his looks demonstrated, Jeon Jeongguk was an absolute bully. You have all the evidence to back this up.

And that so happens to be at this very second as he scribbles all over your essays, vandalizing them with random characters from the games he spends all night playing. “Stop that-!” You cry out, watching your clean work melt into a behemoth of a mess before you.

“Stop? Your notebook’s boring - I’m just adding more life to it!”

The look on his face symbolizes the devil incarnate himself. Jeongguk was devilishly handsome, except for the fact that he was the bane of your existence.

Handsome?

God forbid he ever finds out you think of him like that.

“No,” You let out an exasperated huff, “You’re just earning me a bad reputation! Can’t you just fuck off?” Frankly, you’re just wasting precious time and energy, because no matter how many times you urge him to piss off, he wouldn’t budge. He’d keep on being a complete brat.

Nothing was on your side when it came to Jeongguk - not even the gods themselves.

Truly, you deem yourself as the most patient person to ever walk this earth. You say this out of the experience. But when Jeongguk steps into the picture? You want to give him a good kick to the balls because he was simply so aggravating.

Your friends know well of this yet they look at the situation in another light. A light which leaves you effectively deceived.

As you stomp towards your local buddies, you could hear the faint “Ah, here we go again,” leaving Seokjin’s lips as they all brace themselves for your routined outburst. It’d be surprising if you didn’t do this on the daily.

“I can’t believe him!” Your voice booms, agonized and worn out as you tumble onto an empty seat, letting yourself sink into the warmth of your arms. Attention attracts itself to you, but you couldn’t bother. Humiliation has nothing on the daily hardships you face - literally - every day.

“What did he do this time?” Jimin and Seokjin mutter in unison, watching you practically deflate in front of them. Honestly, what didn’t he do? Nowadays, whenever he even breaths your way, you deem it a huge inconvenience. Unfortunate.

How exactly is this unfortunate? You happened to be best friends with someone who’s very fond of your arch-nemesis, and that is Park Jimin. It’s either because he’s a libra or the heathen hypnotized him into blooming a friendship together. Countless times the beam of smiles tried his best to convince you that Jeon was an angel at heart.

You beg to differ.

With a distraught face, you look up at both of them. “He scribbled all over my essay - that little twerp is going to ruin me.” Words of truth. It’s not that deep - it isn’t. You offered to rewrite his notes, he was the one who decided to be all salty about the matter. Salty enough to make your life a living hell, that is.

“Wouldn’t you consider the fact that maybe his intentions aren’t to just be a bitch to you?” Jimin chirps in, wincing.

“You’re kidding. How many times do we have to go through this?”

“As many times as we need to,” Seokjin intervenes, letting out a fatigued sigh. To put it simply, he has way too many other things to be focused on right now besides your incessant whining. He loves you dearly, but having to listen to you ramble on and on about your rivalry with Jeon drains him to the last drop. “Haven’t you thought about clearing things with him? Perhaps it’s all a misunderstanding.”

“Over my dead body! He’s the one who started it, I already did my part of the job.”

If there was one word to describe you, it would be dense. This was on him, even if it bothered you to ends. Seokjin and Jimin knew this very well - they also knew that they were wasting their breaths with you, but it was worth a shot either way.

And so it was left at that.

As winter break approaches, you find yourself growing ecstatic as each day passes. Once you finally catch yourself a break, you’d be able to scatter away from the plight that is Jeon Jeongguk. Likewise, the man himself. You’re pretty sure he finds your mere presence a disgrace by the way there’s always a scowl tugging at his lips, or perhaps the devilish tricks he pulls on you until you can no longer take it and scurry off.

Jimin, much to his pleasure, compelled you into signing up to help with the school dance alongside him. Eventually, you caved in, albeit protesting that you’d rather use your free time binging whatever show Netflix recommended you. No one can bypass Jimin’s charms and the way his lips turn into a pout as he pleads to you.

And, well, perhaps you did need to be more productive.

So in reality, your best bud was doing you a favour.

How hard could it be anyway? All you had to do was decorate and help plan the catering, maybe throw in a few song suggestions. If possible, even cop yourself a date - you’d hate to weigh down Seokjin and Jimin just because you were looking sulky in a corner with your only friend being a cup of cranberry punch.

“You’re not going to bail on me last second, are you?” The brunet queries, looking at you cautiously with his eyes twinkling. Despite his teasing and constant pulling to get you to do things with him, you know he’d never force you into something displeasing.

You give him a look. “Gosh, what do you take me for? I promised you, didn’t I? You just have to make sure you keep your side of the deal.” A grin blooms onto his features. Right - he promised you a meal at your favourite diner for accompanying him. That way, he knew you’d accept for sure.

The hall is crowded with students, bustling with chatter as they discuss their excitement for the dance. You have to admit, it was an event to look forward to. To catch your breath and enjoy a moment of peace in a place that you can call a second home. And to top it off, it’s with the people you see every day who, just like you, are there to study for a future.

Understandably, you have no idea who half of the student body was, but it still felt like family.

Jimin instantly finds himself one of the coordinators and advises them about your presence whilst you fumble behind him rather nervously. “What exactly do we have to do?” You mumble to him, taking a good look around. The place seems way too dull when it’s not enriched with DIY banners and colourful lights adorning every nook and cranny of the room.

“Our duty for today is decorating. The theme’s pretty sparkly this year.”

“Isn’t it always like that?”

A voice is quick to interrupt your conversation, making you practically dart around to see the source of it. And it’s no surprise when you come face to chest - curse his height - with the very being you’ve grown to dislike over the months. He was here, in the hall, helping.

Just when you thought you’d be able to hide from Jeongguk, he proves you wrong. Like a predator hunting its prey.

“Gguk!” Jimin exclaims mirthfully, wrapping an arm around your sworn enemy. You really can’t help but worry for him. Ah, it is what it is. “I didn’t think you’d be joining this year.”

“You know I’d never miss an opportunity to help around. But,” he pauses, averting his gaze to you with a quirk of an eyebrow. “It’s a surprise you brought Y/N along.”

“I’m sorry?” You gasp rather too dramatically, earning the attention of those around you. Jimin bursts into laughter, shaking his head at your antics. This is betrayal at its finest - laughing at your misery, you might as well drop him this very second.

“Apology accepted.”

That fuels you even more. Your blood boils under the layers of your skin. God, couldn’t he get any less arrogant? “I can’t stand you,” you breathe out, scoffing. “Is there a rule that I can’t give a helping hand by any chance?”

Jimin watches all of this unfurl. If anything’s worth pure entertainment, it was the two of you. “Not if you run around with a stick up your ass,” Jeongguk replies with a measly roll of the eyes, “This won’t be any fun with you here.”

“Alright you two, cut it out.”

In all honesty, you doubt how fun that'll be. With him around, no one knows about the perils he could throw at you to prove his disdain. Your life could be in danger as you speak. What if you were walking around and he stuck his foot out for you?

Jeongguk clicks his tongue. “See you around Park - you should hop over to the sound room later. We could use your help.”

And that’s another encounter with Jeon Jeongguk for the day, much to your annoyance. You could see the way the brunet turns to look at you with a soft smile on his face, a small, reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Lighten up, it won’t be that bad.”

“My ass.”

“Y/N!”

---

Truthfully speaking, it isn’t all that bad. You’ve grown to interact more with everyone else - surprisingly. Not only that, but you were given the blissful pleasure to befriend what seems to be God’s favourite specimen, Kim Taehyung.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume he was God himself.

Amid all these students, there’s Taehyung who you secretly claim as the light of your life. You’d be surprised if someone didn’t know him or of his presence in the hall, he truly stuck out brighter than all the sparkling decor being hung around the walls and on stage.

“Y/N-! Catch!”

If you weren’t quick enough, you would’ve been hit with a small pack of glitters straight to the head. Even worse, they could’ve opened and left you in a glittery mess. Laughter bubbles out of the man’s lips - music to your ears. You adore the way his locks bounce with each move he makes.

“That was pretty hazardous - I’m sorry, I’ll make sure to hand them over to you more politely next time.”

“I caught them, didn’t I?” You smile, letting the item dangle lightly from the tips of your fingers. Taehyung continues to beam, his pearly whites put all on show. You’re pretty sure you’ve never seen anything as beautiful as the man before you. Oh, and not to mention his voice. That golden bundle of harmony.

“Surprisingly,” Jeongguk butts in, snickering. And here it is again - like a comedic show, ready to make you the laughing stock. “Would’ve been hilarious to see you covered in pink glitters.”

“Ggukkie!”

Ggukie? If it wasn’t for the respect you hold for other people’s comfortableness, you would’ve bent over and hurled. It would’ve been a cute nickname if it wasn’t directed at the fiend. But it’s fine, you suppose - Taehyung has an endearing way of lacing nicknames.

He’s quick to ruffle the latter’s hair, making shy giggles tumble out of Jeongguk’s mouth. You can only stand and watch, squinting rather annoyingly at him. He was such a joy kill.

“I need your help with the soundbar,” Jeongguk explains nicely. His tone is gentle and he uses his hands to explain whatever was wrong, much unlike how he interacts with you. It’s in these moments you wonder why he treats you so differently when it was a small inconvenience you’d pulled on him months ago.

“No can do,” the elder tells him, scratching the back of his head. “I have to help Namjoon with the tickets. But I’m sure Y/N can help - didn’t you say you were good with tech?”

Oh.

In another life, in the same position you are in now, you would’ve declined and scurried off to avoid him. But, if you think about it, this could be the perfect opportunity to flaunt your knowledge and skill. If he gets to do it, then so can you.

It’s only fair, no?

You quirk an eyebrow towards the duo. This was your time to shine. “I’m sure he won’t need my help,” you taunt, “Jeonggukie can do everything, can’t he?”

Silence. He’s like a deer caught in headlights, with the way his eyes widen and his mouth becomes agape. You managed to pull a stunt on him, showing him victory and deeming yourself superior. Kim gives you a peculiar look before offering you a smile. “You’re right - Gguk’s incredibly talented.”

That wasn’t really what you were hoping for. You admit it hurt your pride a little, but there’s no way you were going to put it out on show. Jeongguk can kiss your ass.

“Uh, whatever. Follow me, I can’t wrap my head around what’s wrong with it.”

You were quite ready to start calling him petty, but as you slowly take in his response, you’re left perplexed.

Perhaps you’re taking it too far - this is only for a school dance after all. Although you can’t help but stand and stare at him for actually accepting your offer to help. “Hello? Are you going to just stand there? We have other things to do - hurry up.” Curse you Jeon Jeongguk.

“See you later Y/N!”

The chance of copping yourself a hot date to the dance, slowly streaming out of your grasp.

As you bid your farewell to Taehyung, you let yourself be whisked away by a rather grumpy Jeongguk, who stomps his approach to the sound room. It’s quiet - save for the weight of his rather chunky shoes - and if you may say so yourself, awkward. But nevermind that, you were assigned something to fix.

He takes you up a flight of stairs - much to your dismay, you weren’t fond of the exercise - and into a tiny, cramped room just on the opposite of the school’s stage. You could see everyone clearly from here - ants scurrying around to get their work done.

Jeongguk shuffles around behind you - you could feel his build bumping into yours here and there. “Okay, do you know what to do?”

“Huh?”

“I said, do you know what to do? Or were you just talking out of your ass?”

God, you can’t stand him. “Can you stop being such a bitch for once? Yes, just give me a few minutes and it’ll be ready.” A huff follows your line of conversation as you squat down to handle the component. He should be grateful you’re sacrificing your sanity to be with him right now. “What exactly is the issue here?”

There’s silence until your ears prick at the loud sigh that tumbles out of his lips. “Didn’t you hear what I told Tae? The sound keeps cutting.” You hum.

Your fingers lace around its wires, untangling the unattractive mess they’re in and inspecting whatever could be the problem. Unlike you, Jeon stands as far away as possible, offering you all the space you could need. His eyes watch you carefully, dancing onto every move you make. It’s peaceful, the only sound reverberating through the room being your breaths and the light clinks of the soundbar wires.

Your fingers start pulling each cable off one by one, setting them aside neatly and letting out a small sigh. Everything was in order, except for the crooked pins inside one of the cables that directly connects to the speaker. You turn to Jeongguk with a raised eyebrow.

“Did you plug these in? You bent the pins.”

He purses his lips, his hand flying up to scratch the back of his neck. “Guess I was in a hurry - can you fix them?” As he speaks softly, almost shyly, you swear you could see a hint of pink tinting his cheeks.

That’s cute.

“Hand me your credit card.”

“My what?”

“Your credit card - hand it over.” His face displayed pure horror. It’s not like you were going to run off with it - he wanted the soundbar fixed, didn’t he? You extend an arm out towards him, an eyebrow quirked at his hesitation.

“It’s fine,” an eye roll follows because he genuinely looks like he’s waiting for dinosaurs to resurrect. “I just need it to straighten the pins, yeah? Your card’s going to be back in your wallet before you know it.”

He’s looking at you with worry laced in his features until he’s stuffing his hands in those baggy pants of his and shuffling out his wallet. “You better give it back in one piece.”

What did he think you were - a heathen? Did he not know just how valuable credit cards were in today’s life? “Whatever,” you huff, fingers diligently wrapping around the piece and instantly starting to work your magic.

It takes you a few minutes of focus and caution, aligning the component back to its original shape. While you do so, Jeongguk observes cautiously. His eyes fawn over the way you stick your tongue out in concentration or the way you just engulf yourself in your own little world. Jeongguk thinks your hair colour compliments your skin.

You look pretty when you’re not throwing profanities at him.

It’s the daily entertainment he looks forward to every day. Not a moment goes by that Jeongguk doesn’t think about how to make you boil with fury in a matter of five minutes. Yet despite the delight of it all, he figures it’s about time he gives you a break.

Maybe a five-minute break - he misses the constant scowl etched onto your features whenever you catch sight of him.

"All done!" You beam, lips stretched wide as your hands perform the last trick. "Put a song on, bunny boy, see if it works."

Jeongguk stutters at the nickname. You, however, didn't realize it rolled down your tongue until it was too late.

He brushes it off and starts to scrolls through what seemed to be a multitude of playlists on his phone. You eagerly await the melody to boom quietly through the soundbar. However, he seems to be hesitant on what to choose and frankly, he was taking too long.

So you swipe his phone out of his grasp, leaving him clutching his credit card, putting his songs on shuffle. You give yourself the pleasure of coursing through his music taste - it wasn’t that bad. Diverse, to put it simply.

Kind of like yours.

“You listen to them too?” There’s an enthusiastic tone to your voice, eyes gleaming over the discography of a group you’ve grown to admire ever so much. They were the good fortune in your life - what was keeping you moving forward. Listening to their music gave you a sense of bliss.

Jeongguk peeks over your shoulder, his interest piqued as to why you’re so delighted over his music taste. “Hm?” He mumbles to himself, “You follow them?”

“Are you kidding,” you express matter-of-factly, “I don’t just listen to them! They are my heart and soul Jeon. I love them more than taco Tuesday.”

The last comment sends him hollering, catching you off-guard. You’ve never, in your time spent around him, heard him laugh so heartily before. If you must admit, it sounds melodious. Like the singing of birds in the early morning.

“Taco Tuesday - god, you’re something.”

Heat trickles up your neck to the ends of your ears, leaving you red in front of him.

“Should I take that as a compliment?” A snicker follows. “Well, it’s open for interpretation. Did you go to their last showcase?” You notice the way interest bubbles in the tone of his voice and the way his eyes glimmer with a newfound shine that you can’t quite decipher.

“Hell yeah, I did! It has to be one of their best one yet - they’re hitting it big this time!”

The room reverberates with joyous laughter, drowning out the low drum of the music playing in the background. It feels rather cumbersome, how one minute you’re at each other’s throats and the other your boisterous laughter mixes.

Maybe Jeongguk isn’t that bad.

However, it’s when the laughter dies down that the tension slowly rises. It isn’t thick - nor is it thin, but it’s there. It weighs on your shoulders and watches the inelegance crawl towards you. Jeongguk clears his throat and you find him rubbing the nape of his neck.

“Yeah, uh, I think you should be getting back down there.”

You shake your head heartily, your feet shuffling underneath you. “Could’ve sent a thank you my way you know.” The way it tumbles down your tongue makes it seem like you’re joking. His eyes wander onto you and there’s coral painting his skin again - he looks like a child. With the way his eyes go wide and he starts pursing his lips whenever he finds himself in situations as such.

“Right - yeah. Thanks, Y/N.”

That’s where another part of your constant feud ends.

Would you even call that interaction a feud? Technically, you weren’t exactly at each other’s throats this time, despite all you did was fix up the soundbar. It was rather nice. You think a smile on Jeongguk’s handsome features is ravishing - god forbid he ever finds out of the compliment.

It’s childish. It’s like throwing buckets of water off a sinking ship - useless. For someone attending college, both of you lack the maturity for it.

Okay, maybe he’s not the only one taking things out of proportion - you can be quite the bitch sometimes.

New revelation - for the last term, you’ll just drop it. Just like that. Let it unravel however it wishes.

Yet, it’s quite hilarious how all this took you was a heartfelt moment with the guy.

---

It takes you patience, teamwork and hours upon hours of choosing through various types of decorations and goods for the dance. Now that everything is ready - and just in time, if you may add - the event was to be held early in the evening.

Whilst everyone was simply ecstatic for the event, you were pissing yourself. Why exactly is a mystery - your nerves were slowly bursting one by one and you were growing anxious. You had no reason to.

Seokjin is currently rambling about how elegant his suit was going to look. It makes you admire how he considers a minimal event as something grand - another quality you can’t help but adore about him. Seokjin always makes himself stand out in the best ways.

Jimin sits by his side pecking at the loose threads of his jumper, eyeing someone which, according to his line of sight, was about a few meters behind you. At his silence, both you and Seokjin quirk an eyebrow.

“Goodness!” Seokjin squawks, sending a light slap to the youth’s shoulder. “All you have to do is ask him to go with you, you raging homosexual!”

Ah.

Jimin has had the fattest crush on one of the philosophy guys. He describes him to have the sexiest brain to ever walk the grounds of earth. Frankly, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Kim Namjoon walked the college halls with people behind him practically foaming at the mouth. He, however, didn’t exactly take notice of this.

The youth’s gawking at the elder amongst you, giving him that specific look at me, now look at him look. “No way. I’m too fond of the pride harboured within me to let it be crushed by someone so unbelievably hot.”

“Funny, considering you’re ranked one of the best looking to roam this goddamned building,” you comment, rolling your eyes. “Jimin, I bet you the moment you walk into his vision he will be swooning. He can’t say no to you.”

“You think so?”

“With a juicy ass like yours, no, he wouldn’t be able to resist.”

You feel something shuffle beside you, which you brush off as Seokjin’s feet - it’s not the first time he’d stretch his legs out beside you, just to annoy you. It’s until Jimin’s doubling over with laughter at the sound of someone’s voice that you finally pay mind to.

Jeongguk chuckles. “Really? I didn’t take you for an ass person, Y/N.” That’s exactly why your ever so lovely best friend - since high school, may you add - was tearing up. Seokjin tries his best to keep his laughter at bay, knowing well you’ll give them hell after this.

You’re abashed wholly as red inherits your skin from neck to ears. Jeongguk’s very existence was made to shame you - catch you at the most vulnerable moments and have you burden them for as long as you breathe.

“Where did you come from?”

“From the cafeteria. I came to ask you something.”

After this presumptuous interaction, you are confident that he may have hit his head this morning. This was more than peculiar, and frankly, it left you perplexed as ever. “Okay, go ahead, shoot.” Interest piques and you notice the way he hesitates before shooting a quick look towards Jimin who grins ever so evilly.

“Be my date for tonight.”

That bastard.

“What?”

“Hello? Can’t you hear? I told you to be my date for tonight.” He says it so straight-forwardly it almost has you toppling over your seat. His face harbours a look that you can’t quite fathom and it irks you. What was he plotting?

“There’s definitely a catch to this.” Seokjin and Jimin observe quietly, the elder sending the youth a few questionable glares here and there. It seems as if Jimin was the one behind this all - which, if he was, wouldn’t leave you surprised at all.

What a libra.

Jeongguk shakes his head - you grow soft at the way his locks bob as he does so. “I promise there’s no catch - I just want a date for the dance. That’s all.” It leaves you with a frown hanging on your lips. All he needed was someone to hang by his side.

“And from all the chicks around you ask me?”

There’s silence then - he doesn’t respond, only purses his lips and fiddles with his fingers. He avoids eye contact. You sigh. “Sure - yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll be your date, Jeon.”

“Score!”

You watch as both Jimin and your new dance date high five before you. The pits of your stomach continue to bubble with anxiety and soon enough you might even think this might be a bet.

Jeongguk went from provoking you to asking you to be his date.

Seokjin gives you a rather sceptical look, tapping at your hand lightly. “What was that supposed to be?” He asks you, gaze wandering about the two snickering to themselves. You peek at Jeongguk and he seems to be pretty content. You still can’t comprehend just what’s going on in his head, but you conclude that it’s no good.

“I don’t know, but I hope he doesn’t pull any shit and ruin a good night.”

---

To say you’re beyond nervous is an understanding.

The both of you agreed to meet at the school gates, and as you step out of the cab you conveniently managed to catch, the situation dawns on you greatly. What happened to being sworn enemies after an unintentional spill?

If you were to look back at the time you’ve spent planning the occasion, you’d say something changed. He doesn’t make your blood boil as much - he presents you that charming smile more often. Not to mention how soft and kind it’d become in contrast to the many devilish grins and disdainful scowls he’d sent your way before.

You can’t tell if it’s progress or not.

The building looks rather magical - students loiter around the main entrance with big grins decorating their faces. Their well-prepared looks shimmer under the dim lights radiating from inside the school.

“Y/N!” Your body instantly freezes at the sound of his voice. You’ve grown used to it over time, but in this specific condition, it shakes you to the core. “Over here!”

Feet trepidatiously coursing over to him, you let your fingers fiddle with your fit. You look presentable to say the least - perhaps not as extravagant as the other people who’ve probably spent half their paycheck on something to wear. Decent, as you would put it.

“You better not pull anything on me, Jeon,”

“Why would I?”

Well, why would he? Makes you debate. The behemoth of worries and what-ifs subsides slowly but surely because Jeongguk sounds so sincere. Not to mention the way he’s looking at you right now - it makes you shrink, but in a positive way. He has the faintest of smiles plastered on his lips.

You don’t know how to feel whatsoever.

“Listen,” you tell him softly, looking at the ground as if it was the most interesting piece of art. “If… If this is all a joke or a dumb bet with Jimin, cut it out. You’re acting weird.” As a result, you can almost detect the frown drowning his smile as you speak.

Jeongguk reaches out to hold your hands. If he hadn’t done that, you’re pretty sure you would’ve ruined your somewhat prized possession. His touch is warm - it sends electricity coursing through your veins and leaves you stunned. Your head’s quick to shoot up at him.

“I promise that it’s nothing like that. Can’t I take the girl I’ve had this like, huge crush on to a dance?”

If pigs could fly they’d be more believable than this very moment. What was he saying? Is he even sure he’s talking to the right person?

“You’re kidding?” You say almost breathlessly. You’re pretty sure your eyes are wider than what’s physically possible, and your mouth’s hanging open. Nothing could convince you just how true this was. “Shut up - crush? You’ve been nagging me since I fucked your notes up. How could you possibly have a crush on someone you clearly dislike?”

His facial expression becomes even more unfathomable. Jeongguk shakes his head gently, “I was just teasing! It’s a habit - you’re fun to mess with, much less be around. Was I that bad?”

Oh?

This was like entering a whole new universe. Was that a good way to even describe the whirlwind of emotions washing over you right now? Never had you even considered that, because why would Jeon Jeongguk, quite possibly one of the most alluring men to ever walk this earth, find entertainment in you? Much less harbour a liking.

You punch his shoulder jokingly.

“God - you bastard! For how long has this been going on?”

There’s a sheepish grin on his face - he’s rubbing the nape of his neck again, it’s endearing. “You remember that time you fixed the soundbar? Yeah, by that time, I was a goner - I think?” His words are all fumbling together. He was growing shy by the way red bloomed onto his cheeks. “Then… Then we kind of vibed during the whole planning thing. Jimin was kind of sceptical, so he uh, he confronted me about it.”

Ah, so Jimin was part of all this.

“Uh, I hoped this would’ve gone in a more, uh, romantic way? Maybe while we were dancing. I heard you put some pretty sappy songs in there.”

Seeing this new side of him hit you like that time Seokjin threw your school bag and earned you a nasty bruise on your nose. It’s fresh, better than the usual cocky talk he gives you.

Perhaps by time, it’ll grow on you.

“When I say you’re really something, I never had in mind this side of you.” You sigh gently, letting a miniature of a smile wash over your lips. This is nice. It’s calming. “Now that I have clarification, you’re not so bad yourself, Jeon.”

“And if you let me, I can continue to prove that on the dance floor.”

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