#NT is a freaking nightmare

[undeadhousewife]

Everyone keeps saying windows 95! It's not win 95 it's worse it's windows freaking NT. similar but worse. That's the joke.

[avatardoggo]

,

[jocelynships]

Anyways my brain really said “let’s give this bitch a bad mental health night” huh

[makotokyoqoku-archived]

tumblr app is a fuck that won't let me put my vents under read more so I'm just gonna. do it in the tags instead

[konilt]

Dreams and Nightmares.

//

Design of Izuku’s clothes *greatly* inspired by anna’s own, here’s a link to her blog

https://l-anna-art.tumblr.com/post/623599828611547136/starburn-solian-l-anna-art-another-one-of-my

Like seriously the drawings are absolutely freaking great you should check that out, because, I kid you not, you’d miss out on something m a g n i f i c e nt.

or

you know, 

if you don’t check it I will bury your graves t w i c e the amount needed

with a smile on my face

[into-control]

i’m literally at the point where i just feel like shutting down // idk if this will make you feel better or worse but I think that's completely understandable bc we're literally in the middle of a pandemic that has caused major disruption to our lives, and a lot of us have also either gotten sick or known people who have gotten sick or even passed away, and it's all unbelievably stressful. and so it's kinda messed up that society expects us all to function normally

like idk if hearing other people are in similar situations will help or not (I'm sorry if it doesn't, I'm ok at it but I'm not great with social stuff, I'm on the spectrum), but my life is a whole mess right now. I think I'm a couple of years older than you so we're similar ages (ish), and I'm also stuck at home with my parents right now, I'm almost entirely closeted and it's causing some issues atm, and don't even get me started on online classes 😭✋. I haven't even been logging in to half of them, I have a group project that I've not even began, I have a lot of extremely important exams in literally a month, and I have not done anything. I don't even know the content.

I went from being top of the class and getting As and A*s to being at the literal bottom of the class and getting Ds and Es during this pandemic. and it's looking extremely likely that I'll fail the year, which is like £10,000 down the drain that I can't afford, and will mean I'll have to change all of my future education/career plans and do something else instead. I haven't been replying to emails, I've been struggling with other mental health issues a lot, etc. I went from functioning before the pandemic to barely functioning at all. and I'm really dreading going back to physical classes next week. people on the spectrum have a hard time dealing with changes, especially major ones, but tbh, even a lot of NT people are feeling thrown off by all of these changes and stressed and having a hard time

so I think I can understand (sort of) how you feel, even though I don't know your specific situation and only you know exactly how you feel, and it just sucks the way that we all have to continue on like everything is normal. imo places of education and workplaces should be providing more mental health support and being a little more relaxed with deadlines and the amount of work expected, but we're in a capitalist hellhole, so 😞

the way I've been trying to get myself through it is just reminding myself that other people are struggling too bc sometimes you really do feel like it's just you and that everyone else is doing fine. and for me personally, it makes me feel comforted almost, knowing that there are other people who know how I'm feeling right now, at least to some extent.

and I just keep reminding myself that we're gonna get through this. like it's an actual nightmare, and it feels like it's going to last forever, but it won't. it's just a really rough period in our lives, but it won't last forever. it's going to settle down eventually, and then we can hopefully get back on track and try to find some sort of plan to move forward from any damage that's been caused.

and for me, I'm also trying to start putting a lot more time into studying by waking up earlier and making to do lists and daily plans, because right now I've been avoiding things for several weeks (if not months), but I'm trying to fight that instinct and work against it

I'm really sorry you're going through a difficult situation too, and I really really hope you feel better soon. I didn't know what to say really because I'm not good at this kind of stuff and sometimes accidentally make people feel worse (😭), but I am really rooting for you and for me and for everyone else that's finding things difficult at the moment, and I really do believe that we can all get through this. and at least there's a vaccine now and things are looking more hopeful on that end. good luck with everything and I hope things improve for you soon!

this will end, and it's completely ok and normal and understandable that we're finding this hard, but it won't last forever at least 🙏 that thought is the only thing keeping me (somewhat) together right now, but it's true, our situations aren't gonna last. everything is awful and a mess and really difficult at the moment, but we're gonna get through it! ❤️

thank you ❤️❤️ i’m sorry about your grades, mine have been slipping a little bit and one side of me is completely freaking out about it and the other side is really indifferent to it bc i’m so drained but that in itself stresses me out so it’s all a big mess that i really just want to get through. i’m not very keen on losing my 80+ average scholarship and disappointing my parents but we’ll see

[serararku]

Dust to Dust

The magic and allure of seeing dragons had long vanished. The entire trip to Ishgard was spent fantasizing about the great scaled beasts, soaring low over the earth while they belched fire and fury. She wanted to bring back the head of a slain dragon she felled herself, and perhaps a pack filled with its scales; mount that skull on the wall in her apartment, and bedazzle R’zevi with her fancy dragonscale cloak. Now, S’era would be a happy woman if she never saw another flying lizard ever again. 

Maybe if she was lucky she could find a handful of scales on the bridge and make a cute necklace.

Worst still, Ishgardian Index was… smaller than S'era expected. She's heard tales of great labyrinthine libraries stuffed to the brim with forbidden and long forgotten knowledge, rows upon rows of aisles housing countless books, grimoires, and tomes, and terrifying guardians that would make short work of any intruders foolish enough to tempt fate with their damnable curiosity. Yet when she arrived at the Index, it was no more than one curved hallway and maybe half a dozen rooms; still, with her reading level, this alone would take her a lifetime to peruse. The Barghest would return to Ishgard to pick her up in just over a week, and frankly she had neither the time nor the desire to sit here and practice reading for much longer than that; she had a purpose to fulfill, questions that needed answers, and a Tia waiting for her return. Thankfully she had a way to narrow down her search to better accommodate her time frame. 

S’era was nodding off in front of her recent book on Ishgard history. Thanks to the lessons of R’zevi and Pherond she was able to actually read the words, which in itself was exciting, but these books were insufferably boring. Page after page of fighting the Dravanian Horde, recuperating after their retreat, storing up supplies for the next attack decades later, and one again, fighting the Dravanian Horde; if it were up to S’era, she would have packed up and abandoned Ishgard after the first attack. 

Scraaatch… scraaatch… scraaatch…

Her ears perked up to the faint sound of something scraping against wood. She followed the sound to the adjacent wall, where all the books of the Ishgardian Index gathered dust. When her gaze drifted to the fourth shelf, the peculiar scratching stopped. “Rats?” S’era thought, perking a brow. “Would Ishgard even have rats?” Just as she returned to perusing this dreadfully dull book, the scratching returned- with a vengeance.

That terrible noise scraped behind almost every book and on every shelf, traveling up and down the curved hallway until it was almost deafening. “Huh?!” The Samurai slowly rose to her feet once the books began to tremble and fall out onto the floor, and her heart skipped a beat at the rhythmic mumbling coming from the walls.

"Shol uun. Veshe uun. Saal aneem-othola uun."

The shelves burst open with a piercing shriek- black talons and scaled fingers ripped through the wreckage and pulled the wall apart! Red twinkling lights flickered in the dark before the faces emerged into the light, the dragonkin snouts and malformed Elezen heads grimacing and gnashing their snaggled jaws! "NO! AAAH! AAAAAGH!" S'era stumbled back out of her chair, but the monster's outstretched hands caught both arms and pulled her toward its many hungry mouths. The largest dragon head opened wide as a tormented Elezen face shouted with a bone-chilling voice.

"MAKE US WHOLE!"

"BWAH-!" S'era snapped up from her nightmare and nearly jumped out of her skin. Frantically she looked around for any sign of that aberration, but there was none; only the pool of drool soaking into the wooden table, and the array of books she had combed through caught her attention. That, and the Librarian.

"I'm sorry to disturb your nap." The Elezen gave her an apologetic and empathetic smile. "This is all I could find to help your research. There are no books on this artifact you described. However, the late Alfont Vauvois mentions a gold disc in his journal here." 

“Late?” S’era asked, running her hands along her bristling tail under the table. “What happened to him?”

The woman set the weathered leather bound journal beside her, before calmly saying, “He went to investigate Bleakpoint Village about a month ago. Since he hasn’t returned, we have to assume the worst.”

The Samurai swallowed dryly as the Librarian walked off. “If he left for Bleakpoint before us…” She thought, grinding her teeth together while she plucked the journal off the table. “Was he a thrall in robes? Did we kill him? Was he one of those fused to that monster?!” Thinking about it only made her skin crawl; she could speculate all week if she wanted to, but the only way to know for sure is to return to that demented village. That wasn’t going to happen.

Instead, she slowly opened the journal and quickly skimmed the pages. Most of it was unreadable- sloppy handwriting, smeared words, and more than a few stains- hopefully from coffee. It was only the last few pages that truly piqued her interest.

I- -ust as I feare-. A c-lt devo-t in wyrm wo--hip resides in the --- If my calculati--- are correct there is - signifi--nt aether shift s---where in the snowy hills. These ---lots must be plannin- someth--g huge. I must ---d out -hat th--’re up -- before it’s -oo lat-!

S’era gulped dryly again, vividly recalling what those freaks had conjured from the depths of hell. She slowly turned the page and continued reading.

The Dragons--g War is finally over! This was supposed to be a time for c---bration! But cultists managed to sn--k in durin- the Dravanian Horde’s final --sault on Ishgard to steal the remains of Halault?! What else did Ar--bishop Thordan VI- keep secret from his --ople?! If w--- gets out that a ---ter necromancer’s corpse is back in the clut--es of his f--lowers…

No. I can’t let this stand. I will not let another tragedy befall my kin after a millennium of suffering! Someone h-- to do s-meth--g!

The Samurai looked over her shoulder at the random passersby and their quiet conversations; could any of them secretly be a cultist? Her paranoia crept up her spine and made every hair on her neck stand. She didn't want to draw any suspicion by constantly looking around, so S'era instead kept her ears pointed to the open area behind her. 

Several pages were completely unreadable, like someone came in and smeared something to destroy the ink. Yet they didn't account for a Miqo'te to use her heightened sense of sight to bypass their schemes; why they didn't just tear out the pages or burn the whole journal altogether was another mystery for another time. 

Bl--kpoint! Hidden in plain sight! With a hand--- of seasoned adventurers at -- side I'm conf-dent we can --d this horror before it be---s! Must use discretion. Must r-turn ---ault's corpse to the pit it belongs. I w--l --way- lov- --- Amette. -f I d-n't -ake it ba-- I-

The message suddenly cut off from a brown stain, but when S'era reached the last page, her heart dropped into her stomach. 

Blessed blood! Blessed flesh! Drink and feast for thou art blessed! Blessed blood! Blessed flesh! Drink and feast for thou art blessed! Blessed blood! Blessed flesh! Drink and feast for thou art blessed!

S’era slammed the journal closed and shot up from her seat. “Oh gods- that’s what they were chanting…!” She whispered with the slightest breath. “They were going to…?!”

“Is everything alright?” The Librarian asked, reappearing on the other end of the hallway. The Samurai managed to stifle her shock at her sudden return, but only barely; a part of her wondered if this Elezen was a cultist too.

“Y-yeah… but this journal doesn’t mention anything about a golden disc…” 

“Ah, I think I have something to remedy that.” She gave S’era the most disconcerting smile she had ever received, turned on her heel, and disappeared into the darkness behind the door. Now S’era was certain something fishy was going on around here.

“It’s time to get the HELLS out of this place!” Her conscience tugged on her tail and hastened her steps. S’era didn’t even bother putting the books back where she found them- all she feared now was the Librarian returning with a handful of ‘helpers’ to escort her to a grisly end. Staying in Ishgard alone was a terrible mistake- and now she was too paranoid to be of any use to the Ashen Wolves.

Her only choice was clear- continue her research away from potential harm, somewhere she would feel much safer. Preferably surrounded by people that would protect her whilst she slept.

---

Brief mention: @rzevi-tia-ffxiv​

[toomuchchelsea]

MASTERLIST

So, I know some of you haven’t been able to access the masterlist on the tumblr app on your phones and I’m trying to figure out how to solve that issue.

For now, enjoy this up-to-date masterlist in post form!

*also didn’t realize how much mase and chris content there is but wowza, I am both elated and terrified by it, so thank you for sending in amazing requests that I love to write💙

TAMMY ABRAHAM

telling tammy you’re pregnant

tammy taking care of you after you overwork yourself

you getting shy and hiding behind tammy when he introduces you as his girlfriend to his mates

KEPA ARRIZABALAGA

you and kepa babysitting eden’s kids (part 1)

you and kepa get pregnant and eden’s so happy (part 2)

supporting kepa during a bad game

kepa getting his wisdom teeth taken out and being all needy on you

kepa waking up before you to clean up the flat after a party and waking you up with cuddles

kepa whistling at you after seeing you in a hot dress and the Spain NT guys tease him about it

exhaustedly falling asleep on top of kepa after you two return home from a friend’s wedding

sneaking out of a sleepover you and kepa host to go get some food in the middle of the night

trying to do an assignment in bed but kepa keeps distracting you with kisses and cuddles

kepa being squishy with you and getting teased by his teammates

TRENT ALEXANDER-ARNOLD

dating trent includes

trent seeing you in a depressive state

riding trent (smut)

you get in a fight with trent, find comfort in a teddy he gave you and let hendo lecture him and telling him to fix it

getting into an argument with trent during a night out and not wanting to go in the car with him so you say you’ll walk but he refuses to leave you there

falling asleep after trying to stay up to surprise trent with some sexy lingerie

trent wakes you up from a bad nightmare

trent’s turn-ons and kinks (smut)

MARCO ASENSIO

being in a flirty friendship with marco before you two finally admit your feelings for each other

you and marco playing a dumb game of “who can last the longest without talking to the other person” while you have friends over

you and marco being all cuddly and squishy and getting teased by friends

having a pillowfight with marco at a friends’ sleepover

hide and seek with marco and his teammates

you and marco buying stuff at the shops for your visit to eden’s house

DOMINIC CALVERT-LEWIN

DCL coming home to find you in bed facing away from him wearing his jersey with his name on the back and a pair of panties

jealous DCL

losing DCL in a crowd and getting panicky and scared

first time having sex with DCL (smut)

DCL getting protective over you when someone hits on you at the club

BEN CHILWELL

dating chilly includes

ERIC DIER

you’re a famous singer and you announce your relationship with eric after a match

OLIVIER GIROUD

arguing with olivier after he believes he played a bad game

EDEN HAZARD

you and eden aren’t allowed near each other during RM movie nights but you two always sneak around anyway

traveling with the team and eden is a big fan of airport pda

snowball fight with eden and his teammates

falling asleep on eden’s lap at a sleepover

supporting eden during his first RM game with his sons

CALLUM HUDSON-ODOI

birthday sex with CHO

MATS HUMMELS

lazy winter mornings

REECE JAMES

you and reece getting set up on a date by friends

you and reece are friends but he realizes his feeling for you when you wear his jersey to one of his games

RUBEN LOFTUS-CHEEK

dating ruben includes

hide and seek with ruben and your chelsea mates

being on holiday with ruben and the paps snap pictures of you two on a boat

you’re a famous singer and you announce your relationship with ruben after a match

you meet ruben’s family for the first time

ruben dating a latina

having a baby boy with ruben who looks exactly like him

you’re a famous singer and ruben surprises you on karpool karaoke after not seeing you for a while

teasing ruben by flirting with his brother

you and ruben do a couples quiz for vogue

MASON MOUNT

dating mason includes

late night drives

walking in on mase watching porn (smut)

riding mason’s thigh (smut)

your and mason’s sex song (smut)

one of mason’s teammates walking in on you having sex (smut)

mason fucking you while you wear his jersey (smut)

dancing seductively with mason during a chelsea event

mason’s turn-ons

you get defensive when you see a girl trying to flirt with mase in the club

mason’s kinks

matching tattoos with mason

mason rapping “final fantasy” to you and he’s teasing case y'all fuck regularly to this song, and your friends are filming it

mason looking after you whilst you’re 8 months pregnant

mason catching you fingering yourself in the morning next to him (smut)

mason coming home to see you passed out with his hoodie on

overhearing mason call you missus during an interview

mason drooling over you in a bikini

mason getting jealous then protective when he sees a guy harassing you at the club

nutmegging mason in training and play-fighting with him as ruben films it all

fans noticing that mason’s lock screen is you and freaking out

mason gives you a necklace with his name on it and kisses it before every match

being late to pick mason up from training and he teases you but takes it too far

cheering mason up after he has a bad match

mason has a nightmare in which you died

taking care of mason following a bad match

mason whispering sweet nothings into your ear to help you fall asleep

mason proposes to you, even though a lot of fans think you’re both too young

mason not knowing you’re a good artist and completely in awe when he sneaks up on you and sees you sketching him

mason and your chelsea mates finding out you’re an amazing singer

mason and you jamming to kygo’s version of often in the car and ruben filming it for the world to see

fluffy and smutty playlists for mason (part 1) (part 2)

mason singing “no guidance” to you in the club and tammy catching the whole thing on film

mason always carrying you around on his back cause you’re tiny

babysitting with mason

first time with mase (smut)

you and mase play fighting and he accidentally gets a boner

you have a relapse

you leave nail marks on mason’s back and he gets teased by the lads

you and mase talking dirty and ruben teases you two about it

the morning after with mason

having big boobs and mase and the boys getting distracted by them

overhearing mason talk about you two being childhood sweethearts during the filming of a chelsea documentary

mason surprising you with a group trip to dubai for your birthday (smut)

mason wanting to put a red room in your new penthouse

ice skating with mason but you’re horrible so he’s teaching you

giving mason a lap dance to your sex song and then getting hot and heavy in the bathroom of the club (smut)

wearing matching pajamas with mason during a movie night with the boys

mason giving you his hoodie when he sees you shivering at dinner after a game

wearing a backless dress to a chelsea event and not noticing mason’s nail marks on your back

mason announcing your pregnancy in a celebration after scoring a goal in a match

mason surprising you on valentine’s day with rose petals all over your house

mason taking care of you when you’re on your period

always calling mason papi to tease him and being absolutely shook when he called you mamas/mami

getting into a car crash and mason finds out during a match

mason and you joining the mile high club on the chelsea jet (smut)

cuddles with mase, ignoring all the teasing coming from the boys

you and mason getting married abroad

mase giving you his blazer during a cold night out and giving you cuddles and kisses while you two chat with the lads

being in a clingy mood in the morning and not wanting mason to go to training

leaking at mason’s and he takes care of you

a player is being super pervy towards you and both you and mason shred him in half

mason celebrating his goal with you on the sidelines

mason and you go to your favorite artist’s concert

going ice skating with mason and he’s shocked at how incredible you are at it

mason eating you out (smut)

having a panic attack on the sidelines on a match and mason stops playing and runs over to you

a group of girls try to flirt with mason and insult you and he gets protective and goes off on them

mason being absolutely shocked when he hears you sing loudly for the first time

inside jokes with mason, you two always mumbling “kiss me” to one another anytime you want a kiss

fans loving how open you and mason are about your sex life when they see an interview where you two are asked about it

mason walking around the house without a shirt on and teasing the hell out of you

you having a thing for mason’s accent

mason talking to you at night to help with your insomnia

mason and you rapping and dancing wildly to a song in the car and tammy films it

the boys posting on their stories about you and mase falling asleep on each other

taking mason with you to get your nails done

mason teasing you at dinner with your dad and 7 brothers

mason giving you a back rub

you have a big ass and it distracts mason and the boys

being a good singer and going bowling + karaoke with mase and the lads

mason taking care of drunken you in your clingy + horny state

walking down the stairs in Mason’s shirt from last night and seeing him cooking you breakfast

you and mase aren’t allowed near each other during sleepovers with the lads but you try to sneak around it anyway

surprising mason with a puppy

being part of little mix and dating mason

being worried about mason getting injured during the chelsea-norwich game

mason being an exhibitionist (but make it funny)

fucking mason in a VS dressing room (smut)

mason gets seriously injured so you take care of him and hear him tell ruben “she’s the one I’m gonna marry”

having sex with mase while you’re pregnant (smut)

birthday sex with mase (his birthday) (smut)

dancing to jp cooper’s “the only reason” at your and mason’s wedding

inviting christian into the bedroom with you and mason (smut)

you being brought up in mason and declan’s roommate video

mason getting injured :(

mason having your name on his boots

mason wearing your uni hoodie while out running errands and he’s asked about it in an interview

you and mason “arguing” because you like spicy food and he doesn’t

you post a cutesy video of you and mason and it goes viral

telling mason you want an ice lolly to suck on and he says “I have something you can suck”

mason dedicating a goal to you by kissing his ring finger

sharing a photo of you and mase when you were younger and everyone is gushing over your relationship

trying to get mason to relax before a big game

you and mason are long distance but one day you surprise him with a house you bought for you two in london

you and mason dress up as bonnie and clyde for halloween

mason comforting you as you’re literally crying in pain

mason dancing close to you to hide your body from the gazes of creepy guys at clubs

mason secretly learning spanish so he can call you cute foreign nicknames

you accidentally post a video of mason whispering something dirty in your ear

declan noticing the love marks mason gave you on your hips and neck

mason playing with your fingers whenever he gets nervous

telling mason you’re pregnant on christmas day

mason helping you through bulimia

someone makes a racist remark about you being latina and mason stands up for you

drunk mase being super clingy + horny

mason taking care of you after you get drunk on a girls’ night out

you and mason fucking in a hotel room with tammy in the best next to you (smut)

tammy seeing your initial hickeys on mason’s chest

wearing mason’s chelsea jersey to support him during a match even though you’re a man u fan

you’re a singer and you cover ariana grande’s chrismas n chill, teasing mase with the more sexual songs

cockwarming with mason (smut)

mase and the lads watching you do the bushtucker trial on gogglebox

you being on i’m a celeb and getting your letter from mason

riding mason for the first time and it’s the best he’s ever had (smut)

CHRISTIAN PULISIC

dating chris includes

marriage with chris includes

chill day at home together

amusement park with friends

walking in on chris watching porn (smut)

señorita - shawn mendes

comforting puli after super cup loss

riding christian (smut)

you’re a doctor and you’ve been paged and you see christian hurt low-key badly and he’s completely ignoring his injury and flirting while you fix him up

dom pulisic edging you on all night (smut)

injured puli’s gf peeved and telling him off until she sees he might need surgery

christian sees you in a depressive state and asks what he can do to help

sex at a wedding (smut)

chris makes you cry during a fight and immediately regrets it

being a famous singer and dating chris, he comes to calm you down when you have a panic attack during a performance

3 am drives with chris

puli’s kinks

you get defensive when you see a girl trying to flirt with chris in the club

late night walks with puli

thanksgiving with chris (smut)

chris’ turn-ons

calling christian to get coffee at 3 am

chris loses a bet to you and has to get a pedicure while you film it

overthinking and chris kisses you to shut you up

christian tying you up (smut)

chris’ mom telling you embarrassing childhood stories about him

your and chris’ first christmas together

being a youtuber and filming a video with chris

chris taking care of you when you’re on your period

telling christian you have a mental illness

chris sleeps in the guest room after a fight but you can’t sleep without him so you crawl into bed with him

chris fucking you while you wear his jersey (smut)

chris taking care of you while you’re drunk

teasing christian all weekend and when he comes home, y'all get rough (smut)

chris catching you fingering yourself in the morning next to him (smut)

chris gets you a necklace with his name on it and kisses it before every match

being on holiday with chris and the paps snap pictures of you on a boat

christian finding out you’re pregnant (part 1)

christian handles your pregnancy cravings like a champ (part 2)

chris taking your virginity (smut)

aftercare with chis after a rough night

christian not knowing you’re a good artist and completely in awe when he sneaks up on you and sees you sketching him

leaving nail marks on chris’ back and the lads tease him for it

chris eating you out (smut)

play fighting with chris

christian surprising you on your birthday

being sore after a night in bed with chris due to him being really big and you being really small

puli catching you dancing around with your dog as you cook food and finding it absolutely adorable

giving puli a lap dance

chris coming home and finding you passed out in his hoodie

drunk sex with chris (smut)

you get in a car crash and christian finds out during a match

being turned on by chris in a chelsea jersey even though you’re a bvb fan

festivals with chris

someone groping you in the club and christian is fuming

you and chris are best friends but you love him, you both get super drunk, end up having sex and revealing your feelings

calling chris papi and he gets turned on by it

sex in the car with chris (smut)

you have a panic attack around christian

chris watching you get yourself off (smut)

chris messing around with you during soundcheck

chris using sex toys on you

your short skirt bothering chris so he takes you home and bends you over the table (smut)

inviting christian into the bedroom with you and mason (smut)

you and chris have a private relationship but after a fight, he makes it public

being emotionally drained after a long day and puli takes care of you

puli with an american miss universe

christian playing with your guys’ son while you’re expecting baby #2

you have a really hard week and nearly faint but chris helps you

puli wants you to call him daddy (smut)

you go to visit chris in london and videos of your reunion end up online

going into labor when christian’s away for a match

getting into an argument with chris during a night out and not wanting to go in the car with him so you say you’ll walk but he refuses to leave you there

you’re the sister of one of christian’s friends and you two always bicker but one day he takes it too far and makes you cry before finally admitting he’s always liked you

you’re trying to get ready for work but chris is trying to convince you to call in sick and come back to bed and eventually you give in

puli snaps at you after a bad game and enlists the boys’ help to make it up to you

you’re a scouser and chris takes you home to meet his family who all gush over your accent

christian fingering you as you drive him around london (smut)

christian walking in on you watching porn (but make it funny)

someone makes a racist remark about you being latina and christian stands up for you

you’re a famous singer and christian surprises you on karpool karaoke after not seeing you for a while

christian dating an irish girl

christian taking an argument too far and only realizing it when you say “if you’re so unhappy, maybe we should break up”

overtimulation with chris (smut)

you and chris get into a fight but make up as you dance to michael buble’s “sway”

chris getting really worried about you when you get super sick

sitting in the stands with chris at the man u game while he’s injured

chris being super affectionate during a getaway trip

chris protecting you when a guy hits on you in the club

christian comforting you when you have a massive anxiety attack

quarantine gym session at home with chris

MARCO REUS

snow days

JADON SANCHO

constantly kissing jadon while he’s playing fifa

jadon sends you a video of him singing your sex song in the car and you put it on instagram with the caption “is this a dedication??”

jadon comforting you after you make your relationship public and get backlash over it

JOHN STONES

morning cuddles on days off

meeting john outside a nightclub in ibiza, he tries chatting you up, and you end up getting food together and talking the night away

[atomicfilm]

The types as people I know

ENTP: dnd enthusiast, trying to sell the world on his beliefs, owns like 69 :0 rubix cubes so people will know he’s smart, probably wears a cloak when he’s home alone, loves volunteering at bingo w/ elderly people, always trying to compete w/ me to finish our work first/best and usually looses because he overlooks something, 98% of people are annoyed by his presence, likes to start fights/debates, actually super sweet and big on respect but misunderstood

INTP: we all adopt really random catchphrases (mine is “that’s hot” and my friend’s is “j’accuse”), we have very specific interests (”your thing is learning about concentration camps in the Czech Republic? Mine is 18th-century poems about cats in fishbowls”), devoted to comedy, going to vote but doesn’t openly support anyone because the candidate will mess up, caught between dreaming and reality, doesn’t really understand other people’s perceptions of them, built to withstand anything (and I mean anything, more on that later), managing my bookmarks is my routine chore

ENFP: stereotypical gemini through and through, I love her but I can’t stand to be close friends with her, has a bunch of plans to marry people and move in with friends later in life, friends w/ everyone she has ever met (if you say you don’t like her then you’re on her hit list), very nice but definitely scheming, attention split between 8,917 things rn, falls in love easily and obsessively, so so creative, great singer, wants to go into advertising but will probably become a pediatrician, loves babies and taking care of things

INFP: lots of feels, really into the arts, nervous about talking, people pleaser, writes poems in their spare time, would adopt 500 puppies if it made financial sense and wouldn’t stress them out, stressed out anyway, sees the red flags but ignores them, either your literal mom or the mom friend

ISFP: aesthetics-oriented, their room is really clean except for one area with whatever they collect (shoes, tchotchkes from Asia, snowglobes, ect.), usually overshadowed in the art department but turn out to be the best artist in the room, speak French and/or want to move to Paris (except it’s dirty, wah), they typically measure in oofs (”big oof”, “little oof”, “8 oz. of oof”)

ESFP: a new boyfriend every two weeks, eyebrow game strong, funniest person in the room (or at least that’s what they think), extremely sassy, watches videos of tobacco spitting contests in the Midwest for fun, 9/10 times (this is a fake statistic) they’re a theatre kid, forget who you are if they haven’t seen you in a year (even if you were close friends prior), drives fast (and poorly), hot (and knows it), very confident, their default state is shirtless, dramatic 

ISTP:  everything is an adventure, their ideal romance movie is Baby Driver, wants to learn how to hot-wire a car, doesn’t realize they look punk but they do, should be employed as a makeup artist, probably pretty kinky (or at least act like it), either a fake f-boy or a very, very real one 

ESTP: wants to be an architect or CEO, mostly wants to be paid to do nothing, most-often found asleep during class or telling a story in a crowd at a party, drives drunk a lot, already dating someone but tries to get with you anyway, straight male w/ dangly earrings (queer vibes), very hilarious and everyone knows who they are, their closest friends are introverts who they force to share the spotlight w/ them, either don’t show up or show up late, fun to be around, class valedictorian but everyone thinks it’s someone else

ESFJ: once had a nightmare where all of their friends got drunk and they had to take care of them, brings you cupcakes on your birthday, all of their friends are social degenerates and they don’t know what to do, watches children’s movies their entire life, has more stuffed animals than friends, everyone knows who they are 

ISFJ: their catchphrase is “I need healing” (warning: they will steal your catchphrase), carries a singular band-aid at all times, makes lots of jokes about Communism, makes racist jokes against themself, their extended family lives with them, uncomfortable about breaking rules, always wants to pay for things, everyone’s boyfriend but only dating 1 person/no one, big on the American Dream, literally Captain America, appears to be a virgin at first, makes lots of sex jokes once you get to know them, n e r d, good at everything /  you thought perfect people didn’t exist? you were wrong

ISTJ: ESTP’s best friend, the obviously intellectual one, does everything with amazing skill, supports their friends tirelessly, great at math, understand systems really well, the designated driver, try to follow the rules as best as they can, laughs a lot at other people’s engineering mistakes, quiet and unnoticed most of the time, surprisingly funny

ESTJ: give you advice even when you don’t ask for it, seem like they’re judging every decision you have ever made, won’t speak to you if you lie to them, the stereotypical club president, takes initiative, likes to mention that mission trip they went on very frequently, shops at Dillards (always hunting for good deals), has a very traditional sense of fashion until you see their crocodile cowboy boots, they have a very idealistic sense of society and if you don’t meet their standards they’ll yell very loudly, remembers everything, constantly fact-checking, actually should be president 

ENTJ: control freak, but only because they don’t trust you enough to make the right decision, ready to race you at all times, could probably run a mile in 6 minutes without breaking a sweat, confident, prefer strategy games like Settlers of Catan, if they were a society they would be Ancient Rome, want to motivate you to succeed, see themselves as the best but want everyone to match them, running out of patience, seems insensitive and ready to cut you off but probably has a warm, beating heart (idk I haven’t dissected them, personally)

INTJ: I don’t think they really exist, supposedly everyone on Tumblr is one but they only make up approximately .8% of the population, if I met one I would probably think they’re a weirdly assertive/controlling INTP, I think people mistype as one because their ideal sense of self is being an effective problem-solver who challenges tradition from the comfort of their home and purposefully does things (i.e. learning a new language for business) but are they really

Idk 

I can’t tell if they have a high sense of self or are trying to demonize themselves

INTJs are textbook villains in the movie world but also probably a lot of detectives or something

ENFJ: don’t know any of them/anyone I think could be one personally but I wish I did / I feel like if I met one I would want to be as good of a person as them all the time

INFJ: not very reality-oriented yet in love with science, wants to be a writer, curious, wants to figure everything out but primarily wants to love everyone, passionate about a few specific projects that they talk a lot about (social issues), always reblogs positivity posts, once gave a ted talk about mental health, he’s the debate captain yet cries every time he loses a debate (because he has a lot of self-doubt), prefers to nap than to talk sometimes, eventually realizes they wants to adopt all of the people younger than him and protect them from the world, easy to love, they may reflect your personality, may also have very particular body movements (the one I know does a lot of fan kicks), actually make NTs feel (like a lot, like a lot a lot, like real crying), eventually dates their best friend and marries them, doesn’t draw but collects art

[trustandblasters]

Out of curiosity what are some of the stuff that inspired you to draw and write?

And now you guys get your learn how much of a massive nerd I am.

Anyway, I was heavily inspired by movies like The Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Neverending Story, The Last Unicorn, The Black Cauldron, A Knight's Tale, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the How to Train Your Dragon series, Beetlejuice, Nightmare before Christmas, Coraline, Jurassic Park, The Grudge, The Ring, the Exorcist, anything by Stephen King (Dad I was like, 5 when you had me watch The Shining), The Gremlins, Dracula, Predator Series (thanks Mom, I was like 7), the Alien series.

For literature I grew up reading Harry Potter (grew up watching the movies to when I lived in a shelter), The Darren Shan Saga/Cirque Du Freak series by Darren Shan, The Demonata Series by Darren Shan (I was in 7th grade. Great job parenting, Dad), Warrior Cats was one of my first major obsessions outside Pokemon and Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Leven Thumps, Inkheart series, The Vladimir Todd series, Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Tithe by Holly Black.

For Manga/Anime/shows I was HEAVILY influenced by Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Digimon, Pokemon, D.Gray-Man, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, The Ancient Magus Bride, Mahou Sensei Negima, Inuyasha, Cowboy Bebop, Ruroni Kenshin, Yu Yu Hakusho, Detective Conan, Megaman NT warrior and Starforce, Gundam (all if them till Seed), Code Geass, Card Captor Sakura, South Park (thanks Dad, again. Really needed to watch that as a kidnergartner/first grader), Supernatural (up to season 4), Avatar the Last airbender, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vampire Hunter D (I have a funny story about this one), Charmed, Danny Phantom, Thundercats, Doctor Who, CSI, and Criminal Minds (thanks Mom. I was 7).

Games that were heavily influential to me were probably Pokemon, Final Fantasy (in particular the Tactics games, 6, 9, and 10), Okami, Kingdom Hearts, Fire Emblem, Digimon World series, Persona, Devil Survivor, Elder Scrolls, Professor Layton, Ace Attorney, the Golden Sun series, The Dark Cloud series, Legend of Zelda (especially OoT), Star Fox, and Spyro.

Yeah, lots of influences sure but these all helped me in some way develop my taste in storytelling. Also take note I only included things in my life during the time I was in Highschool or Prior (so 18 and bellow), so this doesnt included any of the more modern inspirations I've gained since (such as Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Shield Hero, ect)

[intothewickedwood]

Ooh, the Musical Theatre asks are cool. How about: 1,2,3,12,16,17.

Yahooo! Thank you so much!!

1. Favorite musical(s)

I’ll do my top 7, coz hey, why not!

1) My all time favourite musical is Next To Normal! I love the music and the story takes me on such an emotional rollercoaster! I feel so connected to all of the characters and it makes me cry like hell!

2) Bare: A Pop Opera. I love the music It’s such a beautiful but tragic love story! Love the religious tone throughout. I’m so emotionally invested in the characters and, again, it makes me cry! I think I have a type when it comes to musicals xD!

3) A Very Potter Musicals and A Very Potter Sequel. My favourite of them is A Very Potter Sequel. I also love the third one! I adore these musicals! They make me laugh to the point of tears. They were actually my first introduction to Harry Potter and they were all I knew of it for quite a few years. I’m very much obsessed with HP now and it’s mostly thanks to the AVPMs. They made me fall in love with the characters and Hogwarts. And got me deep into Starkid. And the first Starkid Homecoming reunion concert is tomorrow and I’m very, very excited!! But I digress. These musicals bring me so much joy. I watch them every christmas and Easter day!

4) Spring Awakening. My favourite version is Deaf West’s production, though I enjoy the original as well. Deaf West’s production inspired me to revisit BSL. Though it’s different than ASL, it reminded me why I love the language. I guess that’s why I’m studying it at the moment xD. It’s an absolutely beautiful musical, with enchanting songs and lyrics. I’m still trying to interpret the lyrics and I’ve watched this musical a lot. Paired with ASL, the production adds a whole new layer to Spring Awakening, the character’s scars run even deeper. And again, it makes me cry! I’m obsessed!!

5) Into The Woods. Stephen Sondheim is a freaking genius!! I really enjoy the majority of his musicals but Into The Woods has to be my favourite (closely followed by Sunday in The Park with George). The lyrics!! The music!! The metaphors!! I realize something new everytime I watch. There’s so much to delve into and so many hidden messages to try to decipher. The characters are delightful! I really go on their ourney with them. It’s wonderful!

6) Wicked! Well, it’s freaking wicked! Love the score. Love the characters! Love their relationships. Love the witchiness! Saw it live, with Rachel Tucker as Elphaba, and she is my favourite musical theatre person because of it! It will always be one of my favourites!

7) Miss Saigon! Such a heartbreaking story!! It has an amazing, intense score. I feel so much for Kim!! That girl’s been through too much! She’s such an inspiring, determined character. It keeps me on edge!! I was lucky enough to see it live, and let me tell you it was a spectacular experience! And guess what? It makes me cry so you know I love it!

2. Least favorite musical(s)

Hmmm, probably God$pell. I just didn’t get it. I can barely remember the plot and I don’t remember enjoying pretty much any of the songs. I couldn’t tell you what it was about after I watched it. It was just, very confusing and not for me.

3. Favorite score(s)

My favourite scores are from my favourite musicals that I’ve written above. Next To Normal and Bare are my absolute favourites. Both have emotional scores that really pull me into the scenes. They really tell you a lot about the characters and what they’re feeling at any given time. For Next To Normal, I love the ups and downs, from intense to calm, which reflects on the characters and in Bare: A Pop Opera, I love the old (I don’t know what it’s called), Shakespearean-esque sound of some of the music.

12. Favorite musical number

Ever! That’s very difficult!! I think my all time favourite is ‘Who’s Crazy/ My Psychopharmacologist and I’ from Next To Normal but my top 10, in no particular order are:

Next To Normal: Who’s Crazy/ My Psychopharmacologist and I, Wish I Were Here and Catch me I’m Falling

Bare: Ever After, Cross and Bare

Spring Awakening: Mirror-Blue Night and Touch Me

Miss Saigon: You Will Not Touch Him and Kim’s Nightmare

16: A musical you believe is overrated

If you’d asked me a few years ago, I would have said R£nt (sorry for the weird characters, I don’t wanna get killed if this shows up in those tags) but after seeing some pro-shots it’s grown on me quite a bit!

But my actual answer is D£ar Evan Han$en and B£ More Chill. Both musicals have some songs that I like but I really don’t like the plot of D£ar Evan Han$en. It makes me a little uncomfortable. I get that he’s representation for a lot of people, including myself, I just think it could have been handled better and I didn’t really find the story that engaging. I’ve tried to get into B£ More Chill, but I just can’t. Maybe I need to see it again. I didn’t understand a lot of it and I couldn’t relate to any of the characters. I only liked a few of the songs.

17. A musical you believe doesn’t get enough love

Bare: A Pop Opera (can you tell I love it? xD). It’s a beautiful, engaging musical with gorgeous music and lyrics. The fandom is so small, I didn’t think it still existed until yesterday! I feel loads of people are missing out on itl! I would definately highly recommend, especially if you like musicals like Next To Normal, Spring Awakening and Heathers. 

On another note, it’s come to the UK!! I’ve watched the youtube version with Michael Arden as Peter for years! Every birthday in fact (along with N2N xD. I’m obsessive like this)! And now I can finally see it live, which I never thought would happen!! I’m going to see it Saturday and I’m beside myself with excitement!! Can’t wait!

Thank you again! This was so much fun!!

[boojersey]

you mean you're half mikey, half frank as like, some days i'm mikey, some days i'm frank or just both of them mixed? also 60-70 for the ask thing

im all but a small chunk of mikey + all of frank (specifically all but low voices hiding in ur hoodie and feeling small) but yes both of them mixedalso thank u !! sorry it took so long for me to answer ive been out all day and couldnt copy all the q’s on mobile60. - how often do you have nightmares?every couple nights; last night in my nightmare i got injected with some infected blood bc my friend was trying to take blood out of a child that had aids for some reason and just shoot the blood onto the floor from the syringe but she caught my thigh when she swung out her arm and before i could tell her she emptied the syringe and so all the blood went into my leg and i started freaking out and she was like o woops better get that checked out ! :) so basically i was losing my mind for the rest of the dream and my leg hurt for the rest of it61. - do you remember your last dream? if so, did you want to wake up from it?^^^ there was also the original version of far too young to die (before dallon handed the song over to brendon to be released as a panic song lmao) playing ?? and i think its bc ive been playing it a lot so it got stuck in my head.while i was dreaming62. - how do you feel about politics?i feel they are unavoidable for me because a lot of current politics are regarding the rights of people that deserve a voice (me being one of those voices as a trans person) and even if i wasnt included in the groups of people being treated as just a conversation piece, id want to participate because the rights of humanity are so fucking important and even if the topics werent regarding the rights of groups, having leaders no matter what leads to corruption leaking in and i want to see a future where things are better and if i were to just sit around and ignore politics id be siding with the corruption no matter what because thats what they /want/ me to do they dont want me vocal or attending protests or being anti-anything-related-to-them they want me dumb and quiet and refusing to do that is in and of itself a form of rebellion and as a teen i have a thirst for that as it is ;0 so yes i am very political because i dont want to see these ugly white, cisgender, heterosexual, rich, old men deciding the fate of the earth quite literally63. - are you doing anything to help the environment?i try but since i get most of my things through my mother (who refuses to buy shoes that arent leather to put things into perspective) the best i can do is make sure not to take long showers and recycle whatever i can; with my lack of $$$ i also have the issue of not really being able to buy animal products that are better for the animals themselves, i kinda have to take what i can get 64. - do you recycle?yes!!65. - any addictions?i mean not really; i smoke like once a week (if that) and used to struggle with other shit but for right now nothing really sticks enough for me to consider it an addiction66. - are you edgy?uh chya67. - most embarrassing phase so far?oh lord i had a couple but probably when i was 11 and wasnt full on scene so i bittersweetly refer to it as my scemo phase68. - should you be on this site?at the moment fuck no ! i have to finish my english homework but theres…so mcuh that its scary69. - do you like vintage items?yeah totally! i have a lot of my mothers clothes actually and if u refer to aughts things as vintage then HELL YEA i love my portable cd player and like the memorabilia aspect of a lot of old band items (for example my promo pins for the release of infinity on high); a chunk of my closet that isnt band shirts is stuff from the seventies and eighties that my mom kept around and i have her class ring that i Lov e wearing 70. - favorite piece of clothing in your closet?hmmmm maybe my placebo shirt? or my a n c i e nt cobra starship tank top that i hit gold at goodwill with; runner up is my mcr shirts that are so old and often-worn they are riddled the fuck up with holes

[my-life-as-single-braver-mom]

My Daughter

I can still remember the chills when I finslly confirmed that you are inside of me. The rush of emotions were there, I just can't believe its happening.

You were four weeks old then, just an amiotic sac no embryo. no signs of anything that you will become.. But i know i wasn't ready in soo many means. I wasn't expecting your coming this early. Which I originaly plan, twoyears from that year itself.. But God knows the best timing and He makes beutiful this time.

My pregnancy was not easy. Not the morning sickness and restless feelings but the transition of my life, the preps that I have to and everything that I need to because none of them comes with manuals all I have was testimonies from real time mothers before I finally held you..

I've hanged, I felt it.. Physically, Mentally and emotionally -- but I'm not aware of it except from what i saw. I thought, I'm just juggling things soo much that even a simple mistakes and misunderstanding I'm taking it a big deal. Wherein, I was not that before, my patience can covers a multitude of sins but again I was not aware of. I was like a fragile thing that when you hit me even if you are not intended to I 'll freak out. Maybe thats the horrible about my pregnancy that everybody's a threat for you and me.. a nightmare tho.

I took care of you soo tight and pray for us two. That whenever I travel alone you"ll be safe. Remember the time you and me got in trouble.. I was soo afraid, But despite of it I took the examinations bravely just to see you moving and hear your heartbeat. I was relieved when the Doctor said, you 're fine. Wonderfully fine..afterwards, I've ate Jollibee supermeal right after hearing the result, well it tastes good. Not to mention I does Nora Aunor tear the moment I heard your heartbeat.

I can't count the stressful moments that we had been, those moments your moving because of uncomfortable happenings, those moments and words that I wish I have 'nt heard.. likewise, Im fragile and the feeling of being broken will come after. Its too much, you want to go out at the very crucial weeks. I remember, taking those nids and I dont want to remember those things like the bitter taste of what I have took just to save you..

Those sleepless nights, nesting and waiting for you while I spread my extra virgin olive oil on my strechy tummy and listening to betthoven symphony, mozart and lots and lots of lullabies that are now your fave music to listen to. I honestly enjoy every single piece of it.. Since , my womb is the safetest place where you can stay and no one can take you out there but only God knows when..

And Again, we made it and my heart is full everytime we get everything done. You came earlier that what I expected. I can still remember the pain, the complications that I m still battling up until now and the moment I m telling you to came out stronger and live this life to the fullest. That whenever, this life took me while Im giving birth on you, you will become braver as Iam.

When I heard your first cry, I feel relief atleast I heard it I dont know whats next after that. All I knew was Im chilling at my room while recovering I can't even held you for the first time and offer this breast for you to felt warm and simply tells you I'm here just here but my weak body can't get into you. But still you manages to sleep tho the cold bothers you every time.

I dont know but I felt the PPD soo early, few hours after I gave birth. My mind tells me I dont want to held you nor see you. I just simply dont even understand what I'm going through.. I' m again not aware of whats happening whithin me.. or i just cant accept the fact that now you are existing and I have not done it in natural birth..

Those Days of weak body really dictates my worthlessness and the feeling of unwanted hit me everytime... am I enough for this little angel bestowed upon me. Or and am I worthy of you. Again another changes in my life that I refuse to accept. But still you never fail to enlighten me.

Each day, Im trying to regain the confidence through your eyes and through you as a whole and a blessing. I never knew Im capable of bringing life into this world and one day you'll also do the same. Promise, I might not here 24/7 whenever things get lost but I will always be your couch. Its not me who gave life in you, but you is the one who give me life. And the absence of one person does not mean our life will shattered, Your Mom was born to be strong enough and get everything done.

I failed to become a person that I envisioned years ago. I failed everything I gave a shot with. I never knew I was this dedicated and I never knew that behind those fears, this little hands and feet will restore my life into a much braver version of myself..

You gave me life a purpose. Thats it. Thats what I mean to..

Audrielle's.

[mateoshea-blog]

Pink Clouds & Pocket Lint

Part I

            “Grabmeuhcouplecokes… cotton mouth y’kno?” as Fast Eddie chokes out the last toke of the roach. Quickly, Fast Eddie stashes the funky skunky stuff into an old oxidized ALTOIDS can – MADE IN GREAT BRITIAN, NT WT 1.76 OZ (50g). Fast Eddie had this logic that if he collected all his roaches, he could pawn off the “1.76 OZ of homegrown” to some free-lancing left-brained Polo wearing yuppie college kid for 50 bones. If anyone could pull a stunt like that, it was Fast Eddie.

“Yafuckinkiddinme! ‘Spose I’ll hoof it across the street to PAULIE’S CORNER STORE since Pizza Face and Pretty Boy both got Cerebral Palsy all-a-sudden” – Yeah, that’s the villain I been scheming with since I got clipped from the umbilical cord. Fast Eddie, guy was a maniac with a potato head. But, his barber scalped a fade around his temples to precision. Jesus, I mean his barber was his actual wingman. He’d tell us to go to the gay barber. We’d be sitting in at SPEEDY’S CUTS while Fast Eddie was choppin’ the locks and we’d overhear,

“Fast Eddie what work will my soft hands be doing today?”

And Fast Eddie would dish it right back, “If you wanna play with more than these locks later, what would you want my sex hair to look like in the morning?”

Just like that, Fast Eddie had undercooked and greasy golden French fries atop his potato head. Slicked back and thin cut, ready to serve. Ready to be swallowed into a cheap customer’s mouth.             That’s why the drunks, gays, straights, in betweeners, freaks, creeps, geeks and neighbors all liked the fucking guy. Blue collar, told it how it was, and even offered a third hand when his other two were tied up someone else’s ass!

            I could see Fast Eddie still jerking around across the street. Shootin’ the shit with the local folk. More than just a “It’s so warm in here!” small talk guy. Nobody remembers the shmuck with a dull personality. Fast Eddie could make a blind guy fantasize about the cashier at PAULIE’S just by the way he worked his tongue into imagery. He had it.  Coupleuhcokes turns into Fast Eddie holding the door open for any pretty broad that gives him the slightest amount of eye contact (the polarizing effect of a good haircut). Perfect case study for Freud.

 The musty haze of the hotboxed jalopy paranoid the living daylights outta me! We could get high in any partatown and Fast Eddie always coerced us to smoking in his car. Never got to enjoy my high, could never even tell if I was even high at all. The mirrors read “OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR” – that’s for damn sure. Mirrors were always staring at me with a never-ending time-warped nightmare. I’d get stuck in the mud with the Piggy’s that busted me with the joint that was burning away my dreams of CALIFORNIA COAST. I could only roll in this mud pit for so long until the objects in the mirror become reality.

            Julian senses that one of my classic paranoia episodes is imminent. An observant learner, personal therapist, and mediator. Some of his unpaid roles. He uses the crank on both doors to roll down the clouded condensated windows.

“Carlton man, you love riding on the shoulder” chuckled Julian as he lounged in the plush back seat of the Caravelle.

“This is why I hate smokin’ grass, now you’re speaking straight from the hole that I call your CHAFFED LOOSE ASS!”

“Naw man… see listen, you ride the shoulder too much. That motherfucker ahead is always driving 5 miles per hour under the speed limit. You let him. And he owns you. He holds you back. He controls the rate at which you reach your destination. Shiiiit, if you ever reach it. You can’t pass him, you stay leaning on that white cozy shoulder called COMFORTABILITY. When you gonna pass the mothefucker ahead of you that’s been controlling you? When you gonna take EXIT 52 towards IMFUCKINFREEVILLE?” 

I can’t even flip this one on Julian, “Yeah well I can’t ride yours and Fast Eddie’s coattails for too long now. IMFUCKINFREEVILLE has a population of some twenty million people. Once the weather vane in my oversaturated brain oozes out some hope and blows WESTWARD, I will pass that motherfucker ahead of me. No turning signal either. Imma trade in the cozy white shoulder for some dotted yellow cheese.”

“Carlton… that motherfucker dragging ass is YOU. Pass him with a prayer, leave him in the rearview.”

Julian, the backseat monk. Met him after I graduated high school. P.F. Flyer’s always crispy white, not ever one crease, not ever one scuff. Always thought he would become some materialistic rich prick. Prejudgment without contempt. Stupid me. Materialism attached to the developing brains of us high schoolers. Some shake it and others go to Universities to chase degrees that breed greed. Julian didn’t let the manmade cancer infiltrate him. He ended up rolling with us Proletariat outlaws. Somewhere, Karl Marx is grinning at me for my recruitment.

We had 30 minutes, precisely, to make it to the liquor store. Saturday’s were always the night for our bender.

Fast Eddie had this shit-eatin’ grin on his face when jogged back over the ’85 Caravelle, “Christ Almighty! Fast Eddie were you rubbing one out in PAULIE’S bathroom or sumthin’? We’re alloutta Jameson and you know we are 20 miles from the liquor store and it’s already 8:30!”

Liquor stores were no joking matter, we only found one that never had us show I.D. Plus, Fast Eddie grew a liking to the geyser that worked there. A sad babbling sack of space that got comfortable and stuck with one job his whole life. Bubbling and babbling, day in and day out. Shook so many times that he eventually became flat too.

“Pizza Face and Pretty Boy… always so self-interested. Gonna catch up to you shits soon enough.” Fast Eddie inserted the crusted key into the ignition of the Caravelle – DOOOP, DOOOP, DOOOP. God knows how many germs were on that steering wheel. Thick coats of compiled grease, excess secretions, and the fluids from various estranged females that Fast Eddie coxed in to his traveling fuck-pen. Law of superposition says oldest layers were on the bottom. I’d rather not know these things, but the smell invades my nostrils like the troops on D-DAY. Can’t even condition or desensitize myself to this aroma. Unrelenting attacks by the smell of Fast Eddie’s ball sweat and lingering remnants of a poor mans weed. I want to take a shower. 

“Saturday Night. Dropping the needle down on a dusty B-Side for all you crazed, erotic, and hormonal souls cruising around looking for trouble. How about that L.A. WOMAN track… 1971. The Doors.” Slick Tom, our favorite disc jockey the night of a bender. Always reliable to set the tone.

Fast Eddie pounced on the pedal as Jim Morrison screeched sonic sex through the speakers, “Oh shit yeah fellas, we’re on the move. ‘MR. MOJO RISIN!’”

We punched it onto RT. 5. The faster route according to Fast Eddie, but it was actually the scenic route for him. He loved cruising past the prestigious Victorian style homes and dissecting what kind of conversations happen between the walls of those monasteries.

Fed up with the scenery after 3 miles, Fast Eddie barks “I bet these rich prick Dad’s just read the STOCK MARKET page in section B5 of the WALL STREET JOURNAL and ask their rich prick wives and rich prick kids where they wanna go on vacation next once the rich prick Dad’s inside trade deal hits on Monday morning.” 

“Put the boner back in your pants, you’ll get your dividends too once you start pushing your roach filled ALTOIDS cans to the future homeowners of these fucking houses!”

Fast Eddie snapped right back at me, “I swear I’ll ash my next roach on that smirk of yours, Pizza Face. Maybe that’ll make you look more appetizing.”

Julian leaned in from the backseat, “AN ENDLESS PISSING MATCH, don’t your sacks ever go dry? Your testicles are attached right to your egos. Big swollen ball sacks swinging back and forth back and forth. Blowing your load all over one another day in and day out! It’s exhausting, your egos need a vasectomy!”

Just like that, right when Fast Eddie and I erupted, Julian cooled us down at the surface like molten rock. Crystallizing and metamorphosing into conglomerate. Needed him to flush our egos out. Needed to stop treating him like my urinal cake.

Fast Eddie swerved and weaved around the slow-moving masses of society that had no agenda for the night. Maybe they did. Maybe this is my self-interested motivations speaking again. I hated how maliciously Fast Eddie rounded the corners. Guard rails could’ve skinned my fingertips if I cracked the window open. This was Fast Eddie’s route. Knew every stop sign, timed every red light, and new all the lucrative hideouts where the Piggy’s patrolled.

            It was 8:47, the odometer of the Caravelle twitched another mile on the dash. Only two miles remained between the three Proletariat outlaws and our enabler.

            My second paranoia episode ensues, “Holy Shit Fast Eddie, you’re doing 55 in a school zone!”

            “Who says I wanna choke down Jameson tonight? I’ll turn into De Niro from TAXI DRIVER if you don’t shut the hell up”

            Just like that GUMBALLS GUMBALLS GUMBALLS flash in the mirrors. Objects in the mirror are becoming closer than they appear. Nightmare come true. I’m fucking doomed. We are fucking doomed. My self-interest putting me first.

            “GODFUCKINGDAMMIT EDDIE! Mile away, no traffic, all interstate and now I’m gonna get jammed up with the Pigs!”

            Fast Eddie retaliates, “Me, me, me! You squeal just like a fucking pig!” He takes the pressure from my brain and applies it to the pedal, POUNCE.

            Julian has been around Fast Eddie enough to know that he will go to extremes to prove a point, “Fast Eddie c’mon man be cool, WE all ain’t trying to get canned. WE got living to do.”

            Fast Eddie has that same shit-eatin’ grin that I seen earlier, “Fine I’ll pull this piece over. But, you don’t speak Pig Latin, got it?”

            “What the hell do you mean!”

That’s all I was left to work with during my waning moments of freedom. The cop high tailed it over to the Caravelle. Tiny hairs, all a half inch long stick straight up and down on the officer’s fat head. Level one blade to navigate his temples, had to be Fast Eddie’s barber. I’m sweating bullets. The plate tectonics of my face begin to emerge. Premature pimples surface and I feel the magma boiling under the crust of my skin.

            Fast Eddie rolls down the window, “HANDS ON THE WHEEL OR BRAINS ON THE WHEEL NOW”

            My stomach launches acid into the back of my throat. Fast Eddie complies. Answers to an authority figure. No finger-fucking around.

            “NOT ONLY ARE YOU THREE LITTLE SHITS A LIABILITY ON THIS ROAD, DO I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE YOU WERE SMOKING MARIJUANA?”

            Julian hasn’t flinched and Fast Eddie’s mute. Fast Eddie’s still got that shit-eatin’ grin on his face.

“AM I SPEAKING FUCKIN GREEK? IS THERE MARIJUANA IN THIS VEHICLE, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK BEFORE I SHAKE YOU DOWN TO YOUR PALE PEACH FUZZED ASSES!”

            In my peripheral I see the ALTOIDS can staring at me. Rusted smile, MADE IN GREAT BRITIAN. 1.75 OZ – damn near weightless. But, enough weight to land me in the sin bin.

Enough to land us in the sin bin.

            The Cop begins laughing, I mean really fucking laughing. The wild Pig chased his pray down and now he is foaming at the mouth. Ha-HA-HA-hahaha’ing until there is no oxygen remaining in his bloated stomach. Almost as if the funky stuff has protruded from the ALTOIDS can and immediately hit his bloodstream.

“ALRIGHT FAST EDDIE, THESE ARE THE PROLETARIAT OUTLAWS EH? OUR MOUSE TRAP COULDN’T CAPTURE A RAT!” 

Fast Eddie’s dimples break out from his skin for the first time in a decade, “Thanks OFFICER LAFFERTY! Next hoagie from PAULIE’S CORNERSTORE is on me!”

“I’ll take the ALTOIDS can instead… when it’s full.” He replies. Walks away, swinging his Billy-club.

Fast Eddie peeps his dilated eyes into the corner of  the mirror, glancing at Julian. “Pretty Boy whatsamatta! You didn’t croak! You didn’t squeal! Conglomerate don’t crack!”

Julian boasted,“Yeah, RATS don’t survive by scurrying on the shoulder. Too scared to chase the dotted yellow cheese if ya know what I mean. I gotta eat, I mean… WE gotta eat.”

“Amen.”

And, just like that comfortability didn’t appeal to me anymore. Lit the roach, took a toke, exhaled. Puff puff pass to Julian puff puff pass to Fast Eddie, and back to me. Repeat. Fast Eddie inserted the rusted key into the ignition – BOOOP BOOOP BOOOP. Slick Tom was steady playing them classic B-Sides. Liquor store was closed. Detour: EXIT 52 towards IMFUCKINFREEVILLE. 

[adelaideattractions]

Twitching: The obsessive world of extreme birdwatching

By Bec Whetham Posted July 01, 2018 08:12:11

Photo: A photo of a singing honeyeater taken on one of Kay's twitching expeditions. (Supplied: Kay Parkin) Most people start training for ultramarathons because they want to get fit or raise money, but Kay Parkin runs 80 kilometres a week because she's having a break. She's taking time out from something you might think is relaxing watching and counting birdlife. And while you might consider her a "birdwatcher", seasoned enthusiasts prefer another title "twitching".

Photo: Kay Parkin has captured many animals with her camera, including this curious fox. (Supplied) What is it? The Macquarie Dictionary explains that the name comes from the story of two British birdwatchers in the 1950s who used to travel on a motorbike on birdwatching expeditions, the passenger shivering or twitching in the cold. Long distance travel, nervous behaviour, keeping lists; Kay Parkin is certainly a twitcher. Planning for a 'Big Year' A Big Year is the holy grail for many twitchers. While New Year's Eve is a celebration for many, it has a different significance for others, with avid twitchers challenging themselves to find and record as many birds as possible over 365 days. "Most twitchers will freak out on the first of January because when they wake up they have a zero on their list it's an obsession," she said. So what does a "winner" get if they spot the most? An official award. In 2010 Kay Parkin scored the South Australian Big Year record with 358 species spotted.

Photo: A welcome sparrow feeds its chick. (Supplied: Kay Parkin) Twitching is an expensive and emotionally taxing obsession Kay's obsession has come at a great cost. "Dead broke", she worries about the day a cop pulls her over for a balding tyre on her car. Since starting serious birding in 2009, Kay has hopped onto a plane every fortnight in pursuit of birds. "You wouldn't want to know how much I've spent," she said But it's the birding anxiety the "real medical condition that all twitchers suffer from" to the point of vomiting, nightmares and anxiety attacks that catches her. Kay recounts the first time this extreme anxiety really dawned on her. It was 2015 when she finally convinced her birder friend to go on his first twitch.

Photo: A scarlet-chested parrot. (Supplied: Kay Parkin) That night the two of them booked flights to Sydney and left for Penrith first thing in the morning. He was a "nervous wreck" the unbearable pressure and anxiety of putting time and money on the line in pursuit of a bird you may not see was all too much. Despite finding the bird he hated the experience and swore never to do it again. Kay found it hilarious. Danger also plays a part. Between trips and twitches, Kay has camped out in the furthest corners of the country, helicoptered in and out of deserts and survived cyclones on the Cocos Islands. And then there are the leeches and friends with broken bones. How far is too far? If you're serious like Kay, you only plan holidays around what species you haven't seen yet. A conservationist's paradise, Tasmania's Bruny Island was not a fun place for Kay. For twitchers, ticking off a bird means a flurry of emotions.

Photo: A golden whistler. (Supplied: Kay Parkin) "That rush of adrenaline is immediately followed by this remarkable sense of relief but then, until you get all 12 (birds found on Bruny Island) you go 'okay, forget that one, what's next?'" Only on day four was Kay able to look up, see where she was and remember she was on a holiday. Birding was also the mutual ground for Kay's closest friendship. Despite the rush of winning her Big Year record, 2010 was marked most by the loss of her great friend John. A "gentle man of nature" and birder (not twitcher), Kay recounts one of her favourite times birding. They had both spent "a great day birding as they always did" when they spotted the endangered Mallee emu wren together. Later that night, the melanomas in John's body paralysed him. Despite the anxiety and sacrifice that comes with birding, the search for flying creatures was in 2010, and remains Kay's refuge. She "wouldn't have it any other way".

Photo: A black-shouldered kite. (Supplied: Kay Parkin) These days, a perfect day for Kay is looking for birds solo in her "favourite place on Earth" among old growth Mallee an hour north of Adelaide. "[You can] walk around for three or four days and never see another person," she said. Her current goal? To photograph every bird species in Australia, and with 723 snapped out of around 850 birds, she's well on her way. Topics:birds,travel-and-tourism,lifestyle-and-leisure,adelaide-5000,sa,australia,cocos-keeling-islands,alice-springs-0870,nt,tas http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-07-01/the-obsessive-world-of-twitching/9718740

[bwicblog]

SA: I am tired of having nightmares. This is increasingly annoying.

RS: | ! | Is It a Common Problem For You | ? |

SA: I suppose not really. I cannot have the same nightmares as other trolls. But lately I keep remembering things that have already happened and that's what I consider a nightmare.

SA: it must have been brought on by the fight.

SA: how are you?

RS: | Good | ! | Remarkably | Haha | I should be On the Road back Home | Really | But | I am Staying Up Here for the Perigee | I Think | So | Not having to Travel Yet is Relaxing | RS: | I'm Sorry to Hear That | Though | =:( |

RS: | Can You Try Not Sleeping | ? |

SA: will you be taking Emerel with you, or going off alone when you do?

SA: oh, yes. It must be nice to lounge around with little to fret about 😊

SA: I am packing right now, I should return to Provenence.

SA: it would be unwise for me to avoid sleeping. Just as it would be for you 😦

RS: | Ah | I'm just Staying At His Hive for a Bit | to Complete Some Stationary Work | So | The Former | ? | RS: | Tell Me about Provenance | I've done Business in a Nearby City | But I've never Been Inside of It Properly | It sounds Lovely from What I've Heard | RS: | And | Haha | Unwise if You Avoid It Entirely | But | You only Really Need Four Hours or So a Day |

SA: but I also enjoy sleeping. I just wish I wouldn't be struck by it when I'm out doing things.

SA: provenance is good. I live in West Haven. The worst part is Port Solais.

SA: it is very sophisticated... but it is also infested with organized crime and cartel groups. Organ trafficking is very big.

SA: many of my clients pay me to deal with these people.

SA: unfortunately the safest place is West Haven which is only meant for midbloods and up. Usually. But, the members of the criminal courts make their homes there as well.

SA: the city is sick, which is unfortunate considering it is otherwise beautiful and rather eventful in positive ways.

CC: Are yo=u sure yo=u're getting eno=ugh so=po=r, SA? / (´･×･`)＼ CC: I kno=w it's kind o=f an o=bvio=us first quetio=n, but I think so=metimes peo=ple do=n't realize that different amo=unts o=f so=po=r wo=rk fo=r different peo=ple! ／(≧ x ≦)＼ CC: And it's really go=o=d fo=r sto=pping nightmares, even if they're no=t the usual o=nes! CC: I kno=w I need a lo=t less, but I can pretty much sleep anywhere, anytime. / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)＼

SA: kit, hello.

SA: I don't use sopor, I use medication. But I am unsure what the actual overlap is with all of it. I just know I am unable to contract our genetic nightmares.

SA: oh. You're like me 😃

CC: / (•ㅅ•)＼ CC: Hello=! CC: I'm so= so=rry, I co=mpletely fo=rgot to= say 'hi'! ／(≧ x ≦)＼

SA: I hope you have been well.

CC: I've been alright! CC: Mo=stly wo=rried abo=ut Em, but, um! CC: Pheres says he's been fine, just reco=vering. CC: I kind o=f freaked o=ut when everyo=ne said that he go=t stabbed and died, haha. ／(^ x ^|||)＼So= I feel a little silly no=w. CC: But, um! CC: What kind o=f medicatio=n? CC: O=r, I guess there's no= sense in me asking, I'm the last thing fro=m a do=cterro=rist. CC: Can yo=u use so=po=r? / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)＼ It might help!

SA: I never heard that he died... I wonder who said that.

SA: it's some sort of military issue pills, I'm unsure of their brand and make. Just that I acquire them through unconventional means as they were wat I took in the military

SA: I don't believe so. At the least. I avoid it

CC: Haha, I do=n't even remember at this po=nt! ／(≧ x ≦)＼But that's my fault fo=r o=verreacting! CC: That sucks, then, tho=ugh! Fo=r the daymares, I mean. CC: Do= yo=u have them a lo=t? / (´･×･`)＼ CC: I fall asleep witho=ut so=po=r pretty o=ften! That's pro=bably why it wo=rks so= easily o=n me, actually, haha, because I'm no=t used to= it! CC: But, I mean, I think CC: At least fo=r me! CC: I tend to= have less daymares when I've had a tiring night?

CC: Like, if I went to= training!

CC: ... I guess saying 'yo=u sho=uld wo=rk o=ut and see if it helps' so=unds kind o=f dumb, tho=ugh.

SA: I have been very stationary lately. I could go back to working more often and see if that changes it.

SA: I'm sorry it startled you, Kit.

SA: not often. When I do, it's oftentimes things from training or the few times I was involved in live fire engagements.

SA: they don't cause me distress. They simply make it hard to get restful sleep.

SA: what do you dream about?

ID: daymares suck, sorry bud.

SA: hello, Hadean.

CC: That might really help, then! ／(^ x ^=)＼ CC: And it's o=kay, Prisma, do=n't wo=rry abo=ut it! CC: I'm fine, really, haha - it's no=t like I'm o=ne o=f the peo=ple that go=t stabbed. CC: ... Um! Speaking o=f which, hi Hadean! CC: I'm so=rry that yo=u go=t so hurt in the fight, to=o=. / (´･×･`)＼

CC: And, uh! CC: Do= yo=u mean my daymares?

SA: but witnessing or hearing about those things is often a source of distress, even for those that weren't directly involved. It is okay.

SA: I often have to tell this to my clients.

SA: yes, your daymares

ID: yo pris. sorry your sleep sucked. we can both be on team shit sleep. and uh. daymares can be kind of private there pris.

CC: I mean, haha, I sho=uldn't be upset by things like that if I'm in the fleet, right? CC: I've never been in any live engagements, like yo=u said, so=... CC: Um! CC: I'm so=rry, I guess I feel kind o=f weird saying what they are?

SA: are they? I was unaware. I apologize, Kit

SA: you should acquire a heavy blanket, Hadean. I hear they are "all the rage"

ID: ...what.

ID: i burn with the force of a thousand suns pris, i don't need a blanket.

ID: like. ever.

SA: I don't know. I was very upset by some things I experienced in the fleet. Less so now, however. But I understand what you mean.

SA: oh. It emulates hugging and supposedly it helps you sleep better.

SA: perhaps if we put ice on it

SA: 😉

ID: pfff that seems suffocating as fuck to me but hey, each to their own.

ID: uhh. also kit don't worry. em's pretty fine. a few good meals and he'll probably be good as new.

CC: That's really go=o=d to= hear! ／(^ x ^=)＼ CC: But also= pro=bably no=t what yo=u want to= talk abo=ut since he's the o=ne that yo=u two= were fighting, I guess! CC: Ho=w are yo=u do=ing, tho=ugh? CC: I kno=w he's no=t the o=nly o=ne that go=t hurt in the fight... / (´･×･`)＼

ID: i mean i'm not upset over the fighting. it's not like i was forced in to it or anything, it's fine. i'm fine. everyone is fine.

SA: thankfully

CC: I meant physically! CC: But I guess emo=tio=nally, to=o=, except yo=u already said yo=u're fine that way. CC: ／(≧ x ≦)＼

ID: yeah, well. i got wounds to heal up but it's alright.

CC: I'm happy yo=u're do=ing well, then!