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mother-above · 2 months

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Until The Very End

part 2 of All the Time in the World

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel and his family's world are turned upside down when a certain someone comes back to their lives.

Warnings: angst, violence, and death (I promise there's fluff)

*I HIGHLY recommend you read part 1 first!

picture credit: Naya Kotko (middle picture)

It was the most peculiar sensation.

One minute you’re in the darkness and then, an almighty force rips you out, hurtling you toward the light. You’re left breathless and semi-unconscious until you are suspended in water, lungs filling with liquid until hands pull you out of the water.

You coughed and expelled everything your body could while large warm hands swept the hair from your face. You blinked and there was Azriel, his golden-tan skin stained with blood, his black hair matted and sweaty. His jaw went slack and the faeries that surrounded you gasped. You wildly looked around to see yourself in the middle of a battlefield, your family frozen and staring at you with silver-lined eyes.

You were back. You were home.

“Azriel?” your voice hoarse. “Is it you?”

The shadowsinger’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Slowly, as if you would turn into dust and drift away, he cradled your face, eyes sweeping over your features. Every cell in his body sang as he realized it was you. The small scar on your chin, the freckle on the earlobe, how one eyebrow was more furrowed than the other. There were new marks but in that moment, Azriel brushed it off to worry about at another time.

A sob broke through his lips, “How? How are you here?” Azriel didn’t wait for an answer, he wrapped his strong arms around your body and held you as close to him as possible.

The second you felt the weight of his arms, you started crying as well. His presence comforts you through your confusion. “I don’t know, I was there in that dark place by the river… and then something took me away. I was floating for a while and now I’m here.”

Azriel looked at his family with concern written all over his features. You weren’t making any sense, but he brushed it off, you were just pulled out of the godsdamned Cauldron.

You held him close and inhaled his scent, it was your favorite and you never thought you’d smell cedarwood and chilled night mist again. You clung to him until you felt a gentle touch on your back, turning your head, you saw Rhysand next to you, he had to touch you too, make sure you were real. The rest of your family crowded around, their eyes filled with silver as they looked at you in wonder.

Azriel sat back on his heels as he watched his family hold you tight and tell you how much they’ve missed you. The High Lords who cared knelt beside you; their smiles warm as they asked you questions. Thesan hovered his glowing hands over your body, after close inspection he determined that you were physically healthy. He took note of the haggardness, the dark circles under your eyes, and told Rhysand that it was best to bring you back to Night Court to rest.

As reality slowly set in, Azriel felt that bond reappear, the golden strand thrumming to life and he could have wept all over again. Centuries of loneliness and sorrow washed away and soothed by your presence. The other side was still empty but that was okay, you were back and that’s all that mattered to him. After Feyre and her sisters were introduced, Rhysand winnowed you and Azriel to the townhouse.

You were in tears again, the sight and smell of your home hit you like a ton of bricks. There were a few new scents in the mix but everything was relatively the same, the smell of baking bread, the wood burning in the fireplace, and glasses of whiskey, and wine that were left to be finished later.

Rhysand hated leaving you and Azriel alone but needed to deal with the aftermath of the war. While you wandered around the house, Rhys whispered instructions to Azriel.

“We don’t know what she’s been through so tread carefully, answer any questions she has, and hopefully she’s willing to open up about what happened,” said Rhysand as he looked at your figure, still shocked that you were once again standing in the living room. “I’ll send Madja over to heal you and check up on her. She seems fine now, but she might go into shock, let me kn-"

“Rhys, I got this. I’ll take good care of her. Go before the other Lords start another war,” said Azriel.

Rhysand smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I know she’s your mate and you know exactly what to do. I just can’t believe she’s here.”

Azriel softly smiled as he watched you look out the window into Velaris. “Me too, Rhys.”

The shadowsinger joined by the bay windows, you were still looking into the city in disbelief. He wanted to hold your hand, but he wasn’t sure what you remembered, so he played it safe and poked you in the waist, something he'd done for hundreds of years.

“Do you remember what happened to you? The day you died?” His voice still shook whenever he thought of that day, the way the earth swallowed you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at Azriel, the anxiety and disorientation calming as you met his hazel gaze. Feeling exhausted, you leaned against the wall, a dull headache forming as you tried to remember the day.

“It was on a mission, the one with the Middengard worm. I buried it alive… I buried myself alive-” You paused as your blood ran cold. You remembered the feeling of the soil, the pressure around you, and how cold and hot it was at the same time. You were suffocating and numb all over.

Azriel’s shadows noticed the shift of your mood, they could detect how alarmed you suddenly were. Half of his shadows moved towards you, the wisps caressing your face and shoulders.

“Azriel,” you breathed, voice thick with emotion. “I died… but I wasn’t truly gone. Like a part of me was wandering in the darkness.”

His shadows began to whisper, they didn’t like what you were implying, you had spent some time somewhere terrible. “What happened?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, fingers pressing against your temples. Everything seemed muddled, your old life and the time you spent in the darkness were blurring together. You shook your head. “I don’t know… it’s all mixed up.”

Azriel smoothed his hands over your shoulders. “It’s okay, let's get you cleaned up, and then you can go to sleep. We can figure it out when you wake up and everyone is back. Okay?”

“Okay.”

You walked through the house, up the stairs, and opened the door to your bedroom, stopping short when Azriel’s scent filled your senses. Looking around, you saw the décor had changed, the sheets blue and gray, not the floral pattern you favored.

“We didn’t touch any of your things until about a year ago. Feyre and her sisters moved in, so we had to make room. All your things are up in the attic. I- uh… took your bedroom, it felt weird for any of them to sleep where you slept,” he said softly. He had just fought in a battle and his mate had risen from the dead all in 12 hours, he wasn’t sure how to feel.

“Oh, I can sleep somewhere else then, maybe Mor will let me sleep in her room.”

Azriel chuckled. You were thinking of his comfort before your own, maybe you haven’t changed.

“Don’t be ridiculous, this will always be your room,” he paused, looking out the door. “Madja’s here, will you be okay by yourself? Do you need any help?

You shook your head. “I’ll be okay, Az. Go see Madja, you’re the one who looks like shit.”

He chuckled, the cheeky part of you hadn’t changed either.

While you peeled off the Illyrian leathers, flashes of black chiffon and silk flashed through your mind. You grabbed the tub's ledge, the sudden intrusion of memories leaving you unsteady. You blinked and you were back in the bathroom, the steam from the tub making the air thick and hazy. Looking at the mirror, you gasped in shock. You had just told Azriel he looked like shit but you may have looked worse than he did. The once flawless skin was covered in battle scars and burn marks, your forehead wrinkling trying and failing to remember how you got the marks.

Shaking your head, you lowered yourself into the water and looked around, it hadn’t changed much, your perfumes were still displayed on a shelf along with cologne that belonged to Azriel. Laying back, the steam smelling like cherry blossoms, you tried to remember what happened the day you died. Something happened that was important, but you couldn’t quite place it, you remember it meaning a lot to you, something you’ve been scared to do.

After drying off, you realize you don’t have any clothes. Going to Azriel’s closet, you took out a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants, you had just rolled up the legs when fatigue took over. Shuffling to his bed, you pulled back the covers and let his comforting scent lull you to sleep.

***

You had been asleep for a whole day. Azriel panicked because you didn’t stir, just deep and slow breathing. He almost woke you up at the 10-hour mark, but Madja forbade him to do so. You were fine, just extremely tired. He refused to leave your side, his family occasionally coming in to check on both of you.

Elain even came in with a vase full of pink, red, and white peonies from her garden. Azriel told her all about you in their garden walks, she saw how loved you were by everyone so she decided to plant your favorite flowers in your honor. She sat with Feyre and Azriel for a while, their conversation glamoured so their voices wouldn’t wake you. The sisters could see the relief on Azriel’s face, he looked younger, the fine lines on his forehead smoothed out. Elain developed a liking for Azriel, but she let it wither and die as she watched him look at you. He looked at you the way Lucien would sometimes look at her, shame slowly filled her as she quietly observed you.

Azriel had years to sit and ponder about your mate bond. He spent thousands of hours agonizing over every single interaction you’ve had, his imagination running wild as he made up scenarios of him confessing his love. He had imagined the two of you living in a cottage on the outskirts of Velaris, he imagined cooking dinner and folding laundry with you. His hazel eyes caressed your peaceful form, he still couldn’t believe you were back. Azriel decided that he would tell you about the bond once you were fully adjusted to your life. The both of you were robbed of a life filled with love. Azriel didn’t want to waste time, he refused to.

The soft sunlight streaming from the window slowly woke you. You looked around to see Azriel dozed off in a chair by the bed. Sitting up, you examined him and how his shadows drifted to you, their cool touch making you smile as they caressed your cheek. He was so handsome, you couldn’t help but take in his beautiful features. The love you had for Azriel was the only tether you had to your humanity. The dark place consumed people, you saw it firsthand and you refused to be a mindless servant like those before you. You couldn’t believe you were back in Velaris, the warmth and light were something you missed. It was much better than feeling scorching heat and cold simultaneously.

You watched the winged male before you with a melancholy smile. In your deep slumber, memories filtered in filling the empty gaps. The day you died, you kissed Azriel and he reciprocated, you could still feel the tingle of your lips. Even when you were in the dark place, you’d feel it time and time again, sometimes even a spark was felt in your chest when you thought about him. In the dark place, you fantasized that Azriel was your mate, you wished it was true but you stopped yourself from wanting things that could never happen.

You wished you could climb onto his lap, let him hold you close with an arm thrown around his shoulders and your head fitting onto the crook of his neck… but you don’t.

You didn’t want to wake him just yet, his perception of you was the old one, the powerful yet kind and gentle fae. You were scared he wouldn’t like you now, horrified that he wouldn't see you the same way when he found out where you’ve been and what you’ve done. You were also terrified of how your family would react to you. The time you had spent in the darkness changed you, how monstrous and lightless you’d become.

The sudden growl of your stomach betrayed you and made Azriel jolt awake, his eyes snapping toward your figure only to see you giving him a sheepish smile.

“You’re awake! You must be starving,” he said as he looked at the clock. “It’s just past breakfast, I’ll have Naula and Cerridwen make more food.”

A couple of wisps of his shadows went through the wall, making a beeline to the wraiths so they could send the message. Slowly, you got out of bed as your joints creaked and muscles sorely stretched. Azriel hovered nearby sensing your discomfort, grimacing as you hissed in pain and stood up to your full height.

“Are you okay? I can bring food in bed, you don’t have to get up.”

“I’m okay, I think I’ve been asleep for too long, my body needs to move,” you said while stretching. “Besides, I’ve missed you all so much, there's so much to tell you guys.”

Azriel stayed close the entire walk to the dining room, his hand on the small of your back only letting go to pull out a chair for you to sit on. The House had just provided a plate and utensils for you when Rhysand, Cassian, Mor, and Amren came in. They settled on the chairs, their smiles reaching their eyes as they took your figure in. They never thought they’d see you sitting in your designated spot again. The Archeron sisters sat in the nearby living room, they wanted to listen to what you had to say while giving you time with your family. Nuala came in with stacks of waffles, over-easy eggs, and sausages while Cerridwen carried pitchers of coffee and water.

Answering their questions could wait, you were ravenous, and you couldn’t remember the last time you ate something. The taste of your favorite breakfast made you tear up. It took a while for you to notice that your family was staring, tender smiles on their lips as they watched you do the mundane. You swallowed the last bit of food and gave them an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten in so long.”

Rhysand shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, take all the time you need. I think we’re just in shock. We’ve spent centuries and decades staring at your spot on this table, we can’t believe you’re here.”

You smiled at the High Lord, he was always so kind.

Holding the warm mug between your hands, you looked at Azriel whose gaze was so loving, that you weren’t scared to talk about what you’ve been through.

“Everything was fuzzy when I was taken out of the cauldron, I didn’t remember what my life was like in Hel until now… the day I buried myself and the Middengard worm, I died. I remember feeling everything at once, it was scorching, freezing, painful, and numb all at the same time. Everything was deafeningly quiet, so dark and still, and then I woke up in the middle of a field. Hel was bleak,” you said as you looked out the window to see the vibrant colors of Velaris. “Everything was tinted gray, the only bright color was fire.”

Your family watched you go rigid, your eyes glazing as you looked into the darkness in your coffee cup. Azriel put a hand on your shoulder but you didn’t acknowledge it, you were lost in your memories.

“I walked aimlessly for hours, I knew I was no longer in Prythian but I was confused and heartbroken. I thought that if I kept moving, I’d find something familiar. Hel was incredibly dangerous. There were these dark monsters that roamed around. The creatures of Illyria are nothing compared to what I’ve seen and dealt with. I spent days spending every second trying to survive, for some reason, the only thing I could conjure was fire so that’s what I used. By now, I’d consider myself a master, better than the Vanserras.”

“Were you alone?” asked Amren. “Were there any faeries or humans you ran into?”

“I thought I was but one day, this figure in a dark cloak appeared before me. He was taller than any fae I’ve seen, his hood was up and I never saw his face. I’m not even sure he had one. He introduced himself as the God of Death, he said he’d been watching me and saw potential. He said he wanted me to be a soldier, he wanted me to protect something-” Your face scrunched as you tried to remember the place. “Styx. The God of Death wanted me to protect souls that were ferried to and from a river called Styx. The river itself was magical, if you were dipped into the water, you became invulnerable and the God of Death tasked me to stop all creatures from doing so. The god perceived these individuals who sought out the power of the river as a threat. There was so much violence. Monsters were attempting to eat the souls of the dead, I’ve lost count of how many I’ve incinerated or sliced through.”

You blinked as you remembered the sword that was gifted to you. Waving a hand over the table, you conjured the silver sword, the metallic clang making your family jump in surprise. Cassian moved to touch it but your hands stopped him.

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you. It’s enchanted. If you knick yourself, you’d feel the pain of every single creature I’ve slayed. I learned that the hard way,” you chuckled darkly. Your thumb grazed over a small knick on your palm.

Cassian drew his hand back quickly, his eyes wide as he took you in a new light. Your entire family realized it then too, how different you were. You were still beautiful and as lovely as they remembered but your eyes were haunted, your aura heavy and dark. They noticed the battle scars that littered your body. They felt tears prickle in their eyes, it was hard to imagine someone so full of life surrounded by death and violence.

“Is that what you did for all those years? All by yourself?” asked Azriel, his voice laced with despair. “How did you do it?”

Azriel’s hand cupped your cheek, you leaned onto the familiar roughness of his palm, closed your eyes, and savored his touch. Morrigan smiled and looked away, delighted that two souls who were meant to be had found each other once again.

“I would find a way to survive and take it day by day, my memories of this family helped me get through the worst of it. Over time, it got easier, and I accepted my new role in the underworld, I protected the dead and River Styx. I am.… I was bloodthirsty. I killed anything that got in my way.”

Once again, your eyes glazed over as you pondered the life you had lived a few days ago. Amren exchanged weary glances between Azriel and Rhysand. She was thousands of years old, she had heard of the place you’ve been in and Amren couldn’t believe how sane you seemed. Her silver eyes scanned the wounds and patches of scorched skin and she knew they’d all have to wait and see, you’ve only been back for a few days.

***

A week has passed since the war and your resurrection. Everyone was busy dealing with the aftermath, the Inner Circle had to take on extra work since Azriel refused to leave your side. No one would ask him to do so, it would have been impossible. Azriel was like his shadows, he moved when you moved and you loved him for it, without him, you’d have gone crazy. He was over the moon when you shyly asked him if you could sleep next to him. So much had happened and you needed a sense of normalcy like sleeping in your old room.

At first, there was a respectable amount of distance between you but once your nightmares started, you were reaching for him. He was happy to comply and loved that you felt safe with him. Since the first night you shared a bed, you couldn’t relax until Azriel’s arms were wrapped around you but even then, you’d barely sleep. The God of Death whispered to you in your dreams. He kept telling you that the universe took you away from him too early, that he still needed you to guard the river Styx.

There were times when you’d be awake, you’d swear you could hear his whisper from across the room. You were too scared to tell anyone about it, you desperately wanted to stay in Velaris and return to your old life that you chose to ignore the whispers. If you don’t acknowledge it, it means it doesn’t exist, right?

Once the shock of being back in Velaris had worn off, you fell into a deep state of melancholia. If you weren’t curled up in a dark corner of the house, you were always on edge, constantly having your back to the wall so you could see everything in the room. That mighty sword from Hel was kept in a pocket realm, close enough to grab and use if you need it.

You felt strange, it was good to be back but you weirdly felt out of place. At first, it was a joy to see all the colors of the rainbow but now that you’ve settled, everything was too bright and crisp. You found yourself longing for the dullness of the underworld.

Feyre told you about the memorial Rhysand built and suggested that visiting it could be healing. Amren also recommended that you try to use all your powers slowly and reconnect with nature instead of staying inside. To Azriel’s relief, you agreed and he eagerly volunteered to fly you to the memorial. The first thing you did was gasp at the grand memorial, a beautiful structure with colossal columns. Azriel sat on a bench in the front, he wanted to give you space and time to think. He couldn’t imagine what you were feeling, most creatures never see their gravestones let alone their memorial.

The memorial was filled with flowers in various stages, some have become beautiful dry bouquets and some were still vibrant and fragrant. A soft smile graced your lips, Azriel wasn’t joking when he said people still thought of you. Your cheeks redden at the thought of the last hundred or so years. They wouldn’t celebrate you if they knew what you’ve done with steel and flame.

The sound of the Sidra bouncing on the marble lulled you into a dazed state, the flow of the water reminding you of the river Styx. You made your way to the river and knelt on the bank, the fabric of your dress slowly getting soaked. A tentative hand skimmed the top of the water, a sigh of relief leaving your lips as you felt the familiar water. Your blood sang as your soul and body reconnected with the elements of Velaris, your other hand was splayed on the grass, fingers digging into the dirt. You closed your eyes and let the earthy smell fill your senses and for a few moments, you felt like the old you.

Your serene mood had affected the river, what was once rushing had calmed into a slow, steady stream. Looking down, you peered at the water and remembered how you used the river Styx to look at your reflection; to remind yourself of who you were. Suddenly, the peace was ruined when you blinked and saw a familiar black chiffon over your head. You screamed as you thrashed and scrambled away from the water. Your hands fly to your head to rip off the black fabric only to feel your skin.

Azriel was next to you in an instant. “What?!” His hands grasped your shoulders forcing you to keep still.

Your eyes were wide and haunted. “I thought I saw something in the water! Something from the underworld.”

Azriel scooped your trembling body and shadows surrounded you as he winnowed to the front door of the townhouse. His family watched wide-eyed as Azriel burst through the door with you curled up in Azriel’s arms. He had just finished helping you settle into bed with the help of Amren and Feyre when he wearily sank into an armchair.

“What happened?” asked Rhysand. He had tried to look into your minds to find the answer but you and Azriel had impenetrable walls up. If he was being honest, he was scared to peek into your head.

Nearly in tears, Azriel shook his head. “I don’t know, I was trying to give her space but I should’ve kept a closer eye on her. By the time I got to her, she was crying and screaming. I don’t know if she saw or remembered something but it was bad. She kept clawing at her face as if something was over her head. I thought she was getting better and then this happened… I don’t know how to help her.”

Rhysand chewed the inside of his lip, he wished he had all the right answers for his brother but Azriel’s situation was unheard of. “I think all we can do is give her time and let her know that she has our love and support every step of the way. We can help her research about Hel and resurrections, I’ll write a letter to Helion so we can visit his libraries.”

Azriel nodded, “Okay. I know you wanted me on some missions but Rhys- I can’t. I can’t stand the idea of leaving her side again.”

The High Lord observed the shadowsinger. Azriel looked younger than he had in years yet he undoubtedly looked exhausted.

“Have you told her about your bond?” asked Rhysand. “Maybe knowing she has a mate will make the transition easier, it’ll help her cope with the centuries she’s been gone.”

Azriel squirmed in his chair. “What if she rejects me? What if it makes her feel worse knowing she’s tied down to someone like me?”

Rhysand suppressed a sigh, he hated it whenever Azriel doubted himself or second-guessed the Mother’s blessing of a mate.

“You know that’s not true,” interjected Rhysand. “She loved you before you felt the bond snap.”

Azriel resettled onto his chair, a crystal glass filled with liquor cradled in his hands. He couldn’t help feeling insecure, it’s been so long since the bond snapped and even longer when the two of you flirted and danced around each other. Your death brought upon loneliness that consumed him that he had forgotten what your love felt like.

“Okay,” said Azriel feeling much better now that he had a plan. “I’ll let her know tomorrow.”

“Everything is going to be okay–”

Rhysand was cut short by shouting and clamoring in the upstairs bedrooms. His eyes briefly glazed meaning he was speaking to Feyre. He immediately shot up and made a beeline to your room while Azriel sprinted after Rhysand. They stormed into your room and found the remnants of scorched sheets and a frantic Amren and Feyre.

“What happened?” asked Azriel, his eyes wildly surveying the room. “Where’s y/n?”

Through the smoke, Azriel saw Amren clutching her hand to her chest. Feyre hovered over the small fae, concern etched on her face.

“Amren was trying to talk to her, get more information about what happened in the underworld. Everything was fine until she got upset when we asked what else the death god asked her to do,” said Feyre, words trembling as adrenaline coursed through her. “Her entire body erupted in fire, Amren was holding her hand when it happened. The three of us got startled, and she switched back to normal and immediately started crying and apologizing. You should have seen her face… she felt so guilty.”

“I tried telling her it was fine but she vanished,” said Amren. “I don’t know where she winnowed to but we need to find her soon. She isn’t okay.”

Azriel’s shadows burst out in every direction, their sole mission was to find you. Rhysand and Feyre scanned the city of thoughts about you but there was nothing, half of Azriel’s shadows came back whimpering in concern. Cassian and Nesta were informed and they immediately strapped their weapons and joined the search.

Azriel was an unstoppable force, he went to every single place he could think of. The markets, the library, your memorial, and when everyone else checked off other places in the city, he and his brothers winnowed to Illyria. Azriel tore through Windhaven and nearby camps but they found no sign of you. Feyre and Mor had sent out letters warning the other High Lords you were missing and in an unstable condition.

***

The inner circle stumbled into the townhouse in exhaustion, hours had gone by with no sign of you and Azriel felt like he was going to lose his mind. A part of him was terrified that you had returned to the Hel, scared you were dragged back into the darkness. He couldn’t lose you again, he would rather die. There was nothing to do but wait, half of his shadows were still searching and the other High Lords had soldiers searching for you in their courts.

Feyre told Azriel to get some sleep but everyone knew he wouldn’t get rest until you were back in his arms.

Azriel was pacing on the balcony waiting for reports from his shadows and spies when Amren stood next to him, a bandage wrapped around her hand.

“She didn’t hurt me too bad,” said Amren before the spymaster could ask. “Now that most of my powers have been stripped away from me, my body has to get used to High Fae healing.”

He looked at her bandaged hand and shook his head. He knew you ran because you had hurt one of your dearest friends. He just wished you’d come back.

“I’m really worried about her. I don’t have much experience but the God of Death is not to be trifled with. He kept her in Hel for years which means he likes and trusts her. I’m afraid he’s trying to drag her back.”

Azriel’s heart pounded against his chest. “Can he do that? Take her back to Hel?”

“He isn’t the Cauldron,” continued Amren. “He’s not powerful enough to do it by force but… he can try to convince her to join him. Make her go willingly.”

“What does that mean? She has to die again?”

Silver rimmed Amren’s eyes. “I don’t know. We just need to find her fast before it’s too late.”

Suddenly, Morrigan came running in. “Rhy’s got reports of strange phenomena on an island near the continent,” panted Mor. “The King of Vallahan is saying large tidal waves emit from the island and that the once dormant volcano is active again.”

Azriel sucked in a breath, he knew this had to be you.

“Let’s go. Rhysand’ll winnow us in.”

***

You didn’t mean to hurt Amren. That white-hot rage was uncontrollable once she kept asking questions about Hel and all that frustration and confusion burst out. The shock on Amren’s face made you sob, you’ve never seen her so frightened in your life. You singed her hand and you prayed to the Mother you didn’t leave any lasting marks. The burnt skin immediately reminded you of Azriel and that’s when you wanted to disappear. What if you hurt more of your family? Azriel?

You’re not sure where you winnowed to but the sun was beating down and the rock beneath you felt weirdly comforting even though it was hot to the touch. You laid on the scorching stone, you wanted to punish yourself and let your skin blister. You began to hallucinate, one moment you were on an island, and in a second, you were back in the underworld. Creatures would stand in the corner of your vision, you weren’t sure if they were real because every time you turned, they’d slither away.

You began to panic as your world continued oscillating between the island you were in and Hel. Azriel was nowhere to be found and mentally screaming for Rhysand wasn’t working at all. You needed something to comfort you. With a wave of your hand, your sword gifted from the death god appeared before you. Taking a deep breath, you placed your hand on the familiar handle, and then the magic began. Black silk and chiffon slowly materialized over your body turning into a dress. Chiffon covered your head and you ran toward the water, desperate to look into the reflection.

Then every memory flooded back in.

Flashes of you standing in Hel with a bloodied silver sword. The black fabric clinging to you where blood had spilled and splattered. Every cry of horror before you delivered a death blow echoed in your ears. The smell of dirt and copper clung to the air, the steam of fresh blood wafting towards you. The memory of plunging your stained arms and blade into the cold river made goosebumps litter your skin.

So many creatures had crossed your sword.

Faeries. Monsters. Humans. Half-gods.

And you obliterated all of them. 2,865 creatures to be exact.

A gust of salty air stunned you back to reality, the wind making the chiffon flow.

How could you face your family after what you’ve done? Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand would always tell you they felt guilty about how many they’ve killed but your numbers were unforgivable. You did the bidding for a death god. Some of the creatures you killed weren’t even that evil, they just wanted to gain the power of the river Styx. How could Azriel want you now?

You began rapidly breathing, your gasps sounding shallow, and the world around you began to spin. You thought you were hallucinating your dress, but the material that covered your body was very much real. Storm clouds began to cover the sun and the sound of crashing waves grew louder. The ground groaned beneath you making you snap your head toward the mountain. The sound of rumbling got louder the more panicked you felt, you tried to calm yourself but nothing was working. Sinking to your knees, the tears began to spill as confusion, self-loathing, and panic overwhelmed you.

Curling into a ball, you cried until there were no tears left. The ground was hot and it rumbled while the wind twisted and swirled around you. There was no desire to move, you wanted the earth to consume you once more.

That was until you heard the familiar flap of wings. Remembering the sound of the winged beasts from Hel, you shot up and conjured a ball of fire in one hand and brandished the sword in the other.

Whoever it was converged quickly and moved faster than anticipated, you were about to launch a flame when familiar rough skin grasped your arms. You blinked and there was Azriel’s towering figure standing before you. Gasping in horror, you let go of the sword and let the fire wither.

Backing away, you tensed in his touch. “Go away! I don’t want to hurt you.”

He shook his head. “You’re not going to hurt me. I know you won’t hurt me.”

You looked up at him to see dark circles under his eyes, he was exhausted yet his eyes held so much love as peered down.

He lowered himself to your height, grasped the chiffon, and uncovered your head. “Do you know why I know you won’t hurt me?”

You looked at him blankly, still stunned that Azriel was on the island with you.

“We’re mates. I wish I got to tell you in better circumstances but I love you and I will always love you no matter what.”

Your brows scrunched in confusion and then you felt it, a pleasurable burn in your chest as a golden thread slowly materialized and snapped into place. You gasped at the flow of emotions coming from Azriel, it was filled with love and it terrified you.

“I’m dangerous,” you said as you shook your head. “Look at me. I need to get away.”

Azriel’s hands went up to cup your cheek. “You could throw one of those damned fireballs at me and I’d still crawl back to you because I can no longer live life without you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. “I don’t deserve you. I hurt Amren. I’m going to hurt you one day and I won’t forgive myself,” you said gingerly placing a hand on the scarred parts of his hands.

Azriel was quiet at first, he looked back at his family who had flown or winnowed in and then he looked at you, his mate. His thumb traced your cheekbone as he watched your eyes slowly deglaze.

“I have felt a world without you in it and I never want to feel like that again. I am empty without you. I don’t want to breathe air that you aren’t breathing. I don’t want to wake up and see a blue sky knowing you aren’t there to admire it. I can’t do life without you. Never again,” he said as his voice faltered. “ I can’t do this without you. ”

“You love me?”

He nodded and smiled as silver-lined his eyes.

The bond thrummed between you, it was golden and strong.

You looked into his hazel eyes and believed him, relief flooded through your veins as you launched yourself, wrapping your arms around Azriel.

“I remember what happened the day I died. I was scared you wouldn’t accept the new me.”

He held you close and pressed his lips against your hair. “Impossible. I would love every version of you, our souls will always be bound together."

In Azriel’s embrace, whatever hold the God of Death had on you had unlatched. The black silk and chiffon disappeared into the ether and left you in your old garments. The only thing left was the silver sword that was thrown haphazardly on the ground.

Death lets you keep it as a “thank you” for what you’ve done. You were his lovely steadfast servant, but he wasn’t too upset about having to let you go. After all, whether it was in a year or a millennium, he knew you’d cross paths once more.

***

It took a while but you finally adjusted to life back in Prythian. The public rejoiced your return and the world finally seemed at peace again, the other High Lords were happy to come to Night Court and visit their old friend. Your role in Rhysand and Feyre’s court was reestablished and everything slowly went back to normal. The inner circle was still in disbelief you were alive and cherished every moment they had with you and the Archeron sisters immediately loved you.

Every morning, you and Azriel sat on the porch of a beautiful cottage that he had bought for the two of you. It was on the outskirts of Velaris and right next to the Sidra. You would drink your morning coffee and listen to the birds singing. Sometimes you were sat on Azriel’s lap or your feet propped up on his leg or he was simply holding your hand. Never again would Azriel take anything for granted, he learned the hard way that no one has all the time in the world. He knew how lucky he was to have this second chance.

Hel had changed you but you learned to accept that. You were darkness and Azriel was your light and you would cherish him until the very end.

Thank you thank you thank you for reading! I hope you loved our reader's happy ending! Lmk what you think! 😘

tags: Thank you for your patience, my loves!!!

@why4anne, @fxckmiup, @macimads, @azriels-shadowsinger, @thestartitaness, @willowpains, @scatteredstardustt, @amysangel, @starryhiraeth, @nastynesta, @tenshis-cake, @meshellexplosionmurder, @coureurs-de-bois9, @chessebookgirl, @prettylittlewrites, @lisanna2000, @tsibba01, @rcarbo1

#azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel x oc #acotar fanfiction #azriel fanfiction #azriel angst #azriel acotar #acotar x reader

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headsincloud9 · 1 year

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Summary:The Sullys arrived to what they are hoping a new home; the Metkayina clan of Awa'atlu. Seeking uturu they are forced to adapt to a life at sea Foreign to her family but to Kílsyí it feels like home.

Note: Kílsyí is my original oc. Ralak belongs to @zestys-stuff and this story was inspired by @tiredmamaissy love you both!!!

Warning: suggestive hint at NSFW but mostly nothing

Chapter 2: First Breath

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Kílsyí made her way to her family but for some reason she felt a lot of eyes on her more than usual and that made her anxious and she wanted to hide and disappear from sight. Her tail slapped at the sand in frustration then swayed with irritated movements. Her body language said one thing ‘stop fucking looking at me’ most around her did focusing on her father her sibling her mother but there was still that burning feeling of being watched, it wasn’t unpleasant but it was noticeable like something at the edge of you mind you can’t quite recall or an itch you couldn’t quite scratch. She looks around her head coming up from the ground for the first time, her bicolored eyes scanning the people. Her eyes landed on one that unapologetically held her own head tilted in curiosity that was guarded behind a neutral expression. Her tail went rigid as her ears flicked and she felt her body grow hot. She didn’t like the feeling she got or rather how fast it occurred. She looked away though the feeling of being watched and the heat didn’t. ‘Click..pop..click’

What snapped her back into focus was one word “uturu, sanctuary” she looked to her father as the Tsahik of the clan Ronal looked them over the clan leader Tonowari coming from the shore as well. Kílsyí watched as she criticized them for how they looked and she felt their pain and a hiss slowly rose from her throat taking everyone by surprise including herself. She looked around at Jake giving her a look and Tiri doing so as well. But what she didn’t expect was Ronal to look at her not with offense but with curiosity, shock, and was that sadness “Naya?!” She whispers out in disbelief tears in her eyes as she reaches out for her face. Kílsyí was frozen in place..that was her mothers name. “ Naya passed………when she gave birth to a baby girl” Tonowari said to his mate softly. “You knew my mom,” Kílsyí murmurs, shocked as she knew little to nothing about the other half of her blood. “Uturu has been asked” his voice echoes and with a soft nod Ronal consents to let them stay. �� We will talk soon but first you need to rest and learn the way of your people.”

Kílsyí was reeling her body moving on its own; the only thing on her mind was how the tsahik had looked at her with such happiness and sweet sorrow like reuniting with an old friend or even loved family member. “Kílsyí!!!” She jumped hearing her name and finally snapped out of her trance having stared at the floor of their mauri pod for 5 entire minutes unmoving. She looked up seeing Jake and Tiri looking at her concerned while her siblings were outside the door eavesdropping of course but just as worried “I’m fine” she blinked her eyes were blank almost muted her tail was twisting in ways that showed different “i think i need air, i'll go start learning “ she says

Jake tried to stop her to tell her that she'd be training with someone closer her age and as she was one of the people by blood Tonowari selected someone for her. But Kílsyí continued until she ran, letting her body take over as she saw the clear blue, she attracted eyes as she ran and dove off the walkway into the water with perfect diving form. She let the water envelop her and she felt her heartbeat slow and her body relax, her mind calm, she was at peace. She swam around taking in the beautiful reef it was nothing like the forest rivers and streams it was teaming with life and colors. She smiled and looked around, spotting her brothers with the clan leaders' kids. She swam closer seeing Kiri first and she touched her chest smiling happily that she was doing so well before she saw Neteyam and Lo'ak and swam to them. She waves and stuck out her tongue blowing bubbles in his face much more at ease now she was in the water. Aonung and Tsireya watched in shock as the eldest of the Sullys took to water as if she was born here. They all went to the surface and Kilsyi pants a little more so from laughing "Kilsyi how are you so good at breathing" aonung asks a bit rude but it was more curious. She sighs softly and looks away. "My father took me swimming every day since I was an infant. It's where I feel my safest, I suppose , and flying" she says "the way water lives in you Kílsyí, you are one of us" tsireya says. She smiles to the girl "thank you.....Neteyam Lo'ak you'll do fine don't rush that pain you feel is panic calm accept it" she swims off to take some more time on her own.

She had no idea that she was being observed by someone sharp eyes assessed her as he took her time and explored the reef. She lost track of how long she was under, unlike home this was lol new to her and she didn’t have to worry about being under to long this clan lived and breathed water. Above water Tonowari was talking to Jake with a impatient Ronal close behind “ she has a right to know where she came from she is one of the people, her mother is with our ancestors.” Ronal insisted as Naya Kílsyí’s mother was the closest thing Ronal had to a sister before she died. Jake looked back out at the water seeing that she had not come up for air. “And who’s going to teach her the way of her people she has has been an omatikaya her entire life.” Jake says worried that she would struggle after getting overwhelmed with her past and her training. “30 minutes she been under the water for 30 minutes she is not just omatikaya she is metkayina and it shows” Tonowari reminded him. Kílsyí came up for air this time gasping she had been so invested in what was below she didn’t come back up for air black spots in her vision and her heart starting to pound was her indication. She swam to shore and sighs laying back on the sand listening to the waves crash on the beach.

Her tranquility was short live as a shadow had taken the place of the sun. She opens her eyes and looks up seeing Jake and the Olo’eyktan Tonowari and the warrior from before the one that looked at her oddly. He had the same look on his face now as before and she still couldn’t put an emotion to it. She turned her attention back to Jake who looked like he was struggling to find the right words “we’ve decided to switch up your training as you already can swim better than any of us so you will be learning to be a hunter with one of tonowari's best warriors and hunters and you will be learning healing from Ronal she knew your mother personally and this is your home by blood it's only fair” he says hoping she would understand. Kílsyí sighs, biting her bottom lip, lacing her finger together, popping the joints she had picked up from a scientist and it became a nervous tick. She noticed the warrior to Jake’s left seemed to be put off by the sound and she instantly stopped putting them behind her back. She watched as his eyes widen ever so slightly shocked she had that keen of perception. “I’d rather just learn it all together with you, not the family” she mutters. It's not that she didn’t want to learn, it's just that she didn’t want to get special treatment. She got lost in how a few of the others would say it wasn’t fair for her to she pass or fail like the rest of them.

She sighs softly as she remembers the words Jake had said in the pod as she had aimlessly moved around “don’t cause trouble and learn fast. ‘Pop..click..pop’ she popped the joints in her fingers her lip disappears between her teeth “ alright then” she conceded closing her eyes taking a deep breath, it was clear to the 3 that she wasn’t feeling at all at home despite having some connection here a sentiment 2 of the 3 Navi with her could understand. “I promise it won't be bad lsyi” she gave a genuine smile and holds back a laugh “ that is my line” she says as that was what she said to him when she saw him get thrown into mud when he was training years ago. Jake seemed satisfied giving a smile and stands leaving her with the other na’vi.

She couldn’t bring herself to say anything and she couldn’t give him the greeting she squeezed her hands knowing that if he started to pop her joints she wouldn’t stop. Her tail wrapped around her own leg as her eyes bored into the surf and sand and she began to jerk her knee back and forth moving her body, she cursed how many sky people mannerisms she picked up she may have not had 4 fingers or be part human but she might as well been with her peculiar movements. But it grinded to a halt as she felt it again that burning stare she felt when she first arrived and the heat that made her heart race. But this time she heard a soft sound, was it a chuckle? She looked up at him making eye contact and her face confused. She let her eyes look him over her own words caught in his throat he was huge in all manner of the word

As she looked upon the tattooed Metkayina Na'vi warrior with long, wet hair, she couldn't help but feel her thoughts begin to wander through the nervousness still reigned strong in her body. With each passing moment, her gaze lingered longer upon his rippling muscles, enjoying the way his tattoos seemed to come alive upon his skin, reminding her how water would change the pattern of the river bed at home. It was a welcome comparison her mind made. And as her mind began to wander, she pictured herself running her fingers along his tattoos, tracing the lines and curves until she found herself lost in a haze of- well she didn’t know what it was it reminded her of the burning need she felt when she hadn’t swam in so long, that burn she felt when she held her breath too long, it was sharp hard to swallow.

But it wasn't just his tattoos that held her attention - it was the way he moved, the way his body seemed to flow with an easy grace that left her breathless. She found herself imagining what it would be like to feel that body pressed against hers, his arms wrapping tightly around her as she lost herself in his embrace.

As she continued to stare, mesmerized by this striking warrior before her, her thoughts grew increasingly inappropriate. She couldn't help but picture him completely devoid of clothing, baring all his secrets to her eager eyes. It was a heady almost mind crushing fantasy, one that left her heart racing and her body aching for more, like a shot of adrenaline .

And as she finally tore her gaze away, she knew that she could never quell the burning that this tattooed warrior had sparked within her to the point it made her stomach churn as if she would lose her stomach all together. In that moment, she was trapped, unable to breathe air, completely and utterly lost. “Are you okay?” She heard his voice. Her ear flicked as she finally registered his voice. It was deep husky and it made her nervous in a way she couldn’t pinpoint. She swallows again for the second time finally able to get words out “yes” she says looking down again unaware of the amused look on his face as he had caught her completely eye fucking him.

She sighs, closing her eyes under his watchful yet confused ones. She slowly calmed down the movement and with a deep breath relaxed although she couldn't place there was something rooted now. And she was not prepared to figure out what.

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