#New Year Jokes for kids

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[equill]

Another Otsutsuki?!

we’re messing up the timeline for this one. (I lost this crack idea but then it came back… the abyss stare back and I jumped in.)

anyways, now some kids meeting the new kid

Panel 1: There’s something wrong here.

Comic 1: Attention.

they’re both in the same boat

Comic 2: Day Off (with confusion.)

he just a little insecure,, (kakashi still told him to get it together)

back to the future now

Comic 3: What. (huh?)

Panel 2: very tiny.

[kirby-the-gorb]

[panharmonium]

funniest and most heartwarming thing i rediscovered on my rewatch is when karin roasts sakura about poisoning naruto and then kakashi, who loves all of his kids very much and understands their behavior and isn’t upset with them about their choices but has also been under ABSURD amounts of stress for all of season 10, just bursts out laughing ❤️

[movedtodykedvonte]

I think it’s be funny to have a Spider-Man that is genuinely just a kid, not like a teenager or a kid who understands the gravity of his abilities but a kid who does heroics simply because that’s cool to a kid.

The gimmick is that the villains think it’s a gimmick and Spider-Man(?) fucks with them by acting like a kid to make ‘em feel bad or embarrass them only for them to realize he’s a literal child due to a forced team up where they like offer him a brewski afterwards and he’s legitimately like “Mr I am 9 years old, I just do this cause my aunt can’t take me to the park every afternoon.” And they grill him on adult things and he sits there just blanking cause he’s fucking 9.

[fraiserabbit]

my favourite spaghetti person ever (sorry v&v)

[panstarry]

spider-ade 🍋💥‼️

[thejadecount]

I love how with each new installment of TMNT Donnie just becomes more unhinged. Like we’re gonna cut to the Mutant Mayhem movie and Donnie’s online human persona is going to be some cyber-terrorist who’s a known war criminal in at least 24 countries.

[solradguy]

come on grandpa its fine. let your inner dadguy out

Maybe I should........

[deconstructthesoup]

Oh this season is FOR SURE going to be the Kristen Applebees responsibility arc

[nemmet]

question: how did you discover/get into scooby doo?

this is something i'm always so interested to hear, being that there are few people who don't have at least some small tie to the franchise. whether you would consider it one of your biggest current interests or it's just something nostalgic from your childhood, i'd love to know how you found scooby and what it means to you!

[weaselshaped]

Decided now is a good time to replay all the Dragon Ages and discovered, when I went to download them onto my current computer, that my digital copy of Inquisition had mysteriously become the GOTY edition with all the DLC. Further investigation revealed they just did this to everyone who owned it on Origin at some point at least a year ago, I guess to reduce the number of versions they have to manage? I never bought any of the DLC because Inquisition is bad but I would also never have bought Trespasser specifically on principle because I object to being asked to pay extra for the end of the story. But because I held out so long I got it for free. I think this means I win?

[pandora-whowalksbetween]

I’m not saying Simeon is hip and down with meme culture, cause he’s not; he just knows how to play yes and. Simeon doesn’t know what a tweet is but he’d back you up when you tell Solomon that sharks are smooth as silk. He’s never seen a movie in his life except for when he went to the premiere of Goncharov.

[frizzyanya]

I can’t believe I ever thought 30 was old. 30 is infinitely better than 25, which was already better than 20. Being an adult is the best. 

Brb, flying across the country to hang out with friends, then hopping on a child-free cruise for a week. Gonna relax and write the whole time. When I get back I’ll start prepping for the rest of the year: Anaheim, Maui, Yellowstone, and Australia. I don’t have roommates anymore and my apartment isn’t literally falling down.

Bills are allegedly hard but most of them are on auto-pay lol. 

[scimitar-and-longsword]

How many times can I get on here and say "I think I'm gonna start writing again soon" before it's true?

[gxlden-angels]

I hate hearing about the Quiverfull movement. I hate hearing about it politically. I hate hearing about it from people who don't know anything about it. I hate hearing about it from people who only know the Duggars. I hate hearing about it from people who grew up next to it, but not in it. I hate hearing about it from women stuck in it right now. I hate hearing about it from women who were stuck in it. I hate the Quiverfull movement and I hate hearing about it.