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awanderingdeal · 4 years ago

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Never too late - 1-3

There were so many things Regulus wanted to do as child that his parents wouldn’t allow, but Leo is adamant that it is never too late to do those things. They make a list of ten things Regulus wants to do before he decides what his next step in life was going to be, because he refuses to grow up before he even got a chance to be young.

Disclaimer: Of course you don’t have to have do any of things to have a happy and fulfilled childhood, but Regulus didn’t not get to do them because he had other interests or because he didn’t have the means (and usually, if that is the case, parents will ensure their child have other fun memories). It was a case of having controlling parents, who thought the only important things were school and hockey and there was no reason to have fun outside of those things. He watched his friends having experiences and he didn’t get choose in whether he wanted to participate or not.

CW: mentions of toxic parenting and frequent mentions of food.

Please message me if you feel anything needs to be added to the content warnings.

Rating:T

Credit for the sweater universe and the characters within it go to @lumosinlove. What a hero.

P.S. I was getting increasingly inebriated as I wrote this and I haven’t read it over so sorry for any errors. I will probably edit tomorrow!

“What do you mean you’ve never had a sleepover?” Leo exclaimed, tea sloshing over the side of his mug with the force that he set it down on the table. “Not even with your cousins?”

“Not even with our cousins,” Regulus shrugged. “Maybe when I was really small? Mother and Father weren’t keen on letting us out of their sight much.”

“Yeah, that's fucked up,” Leo said resolutely. Sometimes he forgot how lucky he was to have his parents, and conversations with Regulus often made him want to call and tell them how much he loved them.

“I’m starting to recognise that now,” Regulus hummed quietly, giving Leo a shy look. “Guess I should be grateful to Uncle Alphard for the trust fund. At least I’ll be able to pay for the lifetime of therapy I’m going to require.”

“You and Sirius should milk the media by doing increasingly ridiculous interviews for exorbitant fees,” Leo laughed, looking around the kitchen. “Do you have any cookies in this house?”

“Merde, your stomach is bottomless. We just had lunch!” Regulus rolled his eyes, but waved in the direction of one of the cupboards.

“I’m a growing boy,” Leo defended, pushing his chair back to source the cookies. “Besides, I’m going to need the energy if we’re going to plan your ‘Regulus had a sucky childhood and this must be rectified list’,” he said, his words muffled due to the fact his head was half-way into the cupboard as he rummaged around for a worthy snack. Moments later, Leo emerged with a triumphant smile and his fingers clasped around a packet of Nutter Butter cookies.

“First of all, what the fuck?” Regulus scoffed, taking a long sip of his coffee. “Secondly, really?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Admittedly, the name is a work in progress,” Leo sat back down, schooling his features into something he hoped looked indignant. “And, I have a brand to maintain,” he continued, biting into the cookie with an overly loud crunch.

And that was how Leo and Regulus ended up spending an entire afternoon curating the perfect list of things Regulus wanted to experience before he decided his next step in life.

1) Have a sleepover! Build a fort, play video games, eat all the snacks, stay up all night and have a pillow fight!

“Babe, sleepovers are supposed to be fun, not meticulously planned military operations,” Finn teased, peering over Leo’s shoulder to look at the schedule on the laptop screen.

“There is a lot of enjoyment to be found in structure!” Leo argued, tilting his head back to pout at Finn. “I don’t want to forget anything. I just want Reg to have a good time,” he sighed.

“Sweetheart it’s gonna be fine,” Finn reassured, pecking a kiss on Leo’s lips. “You’ve got pizza, you’ve got Mario Kart, you’ve got -” Finn leaned forward to squint at the screen, “building a blanket fort. Hey, I wanna come to this sleepover! You’re gonna have a great time.”

Leo smiled up at Finn, his boyfriend had a seemingly infinite ability to make him feel better.

***

“Bye! Have fun!” Finn yelled.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Logan added, and then the door slammed.

Leo reached out to grab his cell off the coffee table before wriggling excitedly in his seat, “Okay! Let the sleepover begin. What pizza do you want?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, but his reply betrayed his enthusiasm, “I’ll have an extra large half and half please. One side with ham and pineapple and the other with pepperoni, green peppers, grilled onions, black olives, mushrooms, sausage and extra mozzarella. Oh, and a side of wedges, please.”

Leo spluttered, “Reg!”

“Hey, don’t judge. Your order will be just as big,” Regulus frowned.

“Please,” Leo scoffed. “I live with Finn and Logan. You could order five pizzas and I wouldn’t be phased. No, I am scandalised by your topping choices. Pineapple!” Leo gesticulated his arms widely, “I thought you were better than that. I am seriously re-considering this friendship.”

“Wow, you really are picking up on Finn’s dramatics,” Regulus laughed.

Leo huffed as he tapped at his phone, “Pineapple on pizza is a very serious matter, thank you very much. Since this is your sleepover, I have ordered the abomination. Consider this a one time pass.”

“I am honoured.” Regulus drawled, playing up the posh notes of his accents.

“So you should be,” Leo said, grabbing the cushion from behind him and throwing it at Regulus.

“Oh, that’s how you want to play it.” Regulus smirked, grasping the cushion that had been thrown at him, as well as the one stuffed behind him.

“Noooooo!” Leo shrieked. “Pillow fights are not on the plan until -” his words interrupted by a cushion hitting him square in the face. “- 9pm.”

“Oh dear, we can’t mess with your painstakingly designed plan.” Regulus teased, leaning forward to pick up the printed schedule that Leo had shown him earlier. “I believe we are at, 19.30 - play Mario Kart whilst waiting for pizza.”

***

“So, did you boys have fun?” Sirius asked, as he placed a cup of coffee in front of Regulus, and then Leo. He sounded exactly like Leo’s mother and it was creeping him out.

“Why are you here?” Regulus grumbled, resting his head against his arms. He titled it to the side and cracked one eye open.

“Thank you for the coffee, Sirius. You’re the best big brother, Sirius,” Sirius did an uncanny imitation of Regulus’ voice. “We were in the neighbourhood and figured we’d pick you up instead of you getting a taxi back.”

Regulus made another noise that sounded somewhat like a thank you.

“Did you guys sleep at all last night?” Remus laughed.

“A little bit,” Leo mumbled, staring into his coffee. He wanted it to magically make its way into his stomach without him having to make the effort of lifting it.

“An hour maybe?” Regulus added.

Logan snorted as he wandered into the kitchen, “We came in at 3am and they were fast asleep on the couch. We have photo evidence.”

“And Leo was doing his “I’m having sweet dreams’ snore so I doubt they had only just fallen asleep,” Finn added, following behind Logan.

“I do not have a ‘I’m having sweet dreams’ snore,” Leo said, the tips of his cheeks turning pink.

Regulus laughed, sitting up-right and swallowing a huge gulp of coffee.

“I wouldn’t laugh if I were you,” Logan began, pouring coffee beans into the espresso machine. “You were drooling.”

2) Master that chore list! Learn to cook! It’s a bore, but you’ll thank me later.

“This is an excellent idea,” Remus said, “Perhaps now I will stop being woken up by the sound of the fire alarm.”

“That was one time!” Regulus protested, shoving Remus in the shoulder. “Leave. I have lessons to learn.”

“Try not to burn the kitchen down!” Sirius sang, as he left the kitchen, his arms piled with snacks.

“You cannot talk, Sirius Black,” Remus laughed. “And don’t you think that is a bit excessive. We’re going to order take-out in two hours anyway.”

***

“Regulus! Your hand,” Leo shouted when he saw the flames.

“What?” Regulus asked, but then he looked down and saw the edge of the oven mitt he was wearing were alight. He must have had them too close to hob. Leo noticed the panic in eyes and grabbed the end of the mitt that wasn’t on fire and chucked it into the sink, turning the tap on to smother the flames.

“Okay,” Leo said, “Maybe we should start with something easier. Let’s try the washing machine.”

Regulus whined, “The washing machine scares me.”

“How does the washing machine scare you?” Leo asked, trying his best to hold in the laugh.

“It’s scary!” Regulus reiterated. “You put stuff in there and they come out tiny or pink or covered in tissue.”

Leo blinked multiple times, registering the words and then he couldn’t hold in the laughter any longer. “Well, those things should only happen if you do it wrong. Pro tip, number one, don’t put tissues in the washing machine,” he said once he had recovered. “Come on, I’ll show you. It’s really not that scary and I’ll teach you how to sort things properly but really I chuck stuff in together all the time and nothing ever turns pink.”

***

“Regulus. Leo,” Remus called, leaning in the doorway to the lounge. Leo paused the movie they were watching before turning to look at him. “Is there a reason that all our bedding is pink?”

Leo and Regulus shared a sheepish look.

“No idea, sorry,” Leo said.

“It was Leo’s fault! He said nothing ever turned pink,” Regulus blurted out, shoving his hand over his mouth as soon as the words left it.

“Never take up a career in espionage,” Leo scoffed, throwing the skittle he conveniently had in his hand at Regulus.

“And I suppose you had something to do with the glove in the kitchen sink?” Remus chuckled.

“Oh fuck, I forgot about that,” Leo said, giving Remus his most charming smile. “I’ll buy a new pair.”

3) Go to your first concert, it’ll be a night to remember

Leo had managed to drag half the team into his mission to get tickets to see Fall Out Boy in a couple of months time. It was a band both he and Regulus loved, and Leo had always wanted to see them when he was younger but it never seemed to work out.

Between them they had twelve laptops that they were constantly refreshing, waiting for the box office to open.

“Yes! I’m in,” Thomas shouted, wiggling around in a celebratory dance. “Waiting time is 27 minutes.” A few seconds later, James was chanting about his access.

“No suh! My wait time is 35 minutes. How is that possible, I was only a few seconds behind Talker,” James griped.

“It’s a cruel cruel game,” Ollie nodded solemnly.

In the end, they did manage to get tickets for everybody that wanted them, even if Leo had lost the will to live by the time he had kicked everybody out of their apartment.

***

Leo noticed that Regulus was sticking pretty close to him as they walked through the halls of the arena, a sign that he was nervous. “Hey, you doing okay?” Leo asked, bumping his shoulder against Regulus’.

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed. “It’s just...a lot,” he gestured to the crowds of people around him. They had tried to get there early to ease Regulus into things, but between Talker and Noelle running later, and Finn having an absolute meltdown because he couldn’t find his old tour t-shirt, it was already starting to get quite busy.

“We can always go if it gets too much,” Leo reassured, smiling softly at Regulus.

“You just paid all that money for the tickets, we can’t just leave,” Regulus argued.

Leo slung his arm around Regulus, hugging him close. “Your comfort is worth far more than the price of a concert ticket, Reggie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus moaned, but Leo felt him sink into the hug. Their tranquil moment was ruined by Finn who decided it was the perfect moment to burst into a rendition of Dance, Dance, and James immediately joined in.

***

“I’m sad,” Regulus sighed, wearing one of the t-shirts he had brought at the concert. He’d been deliberating over a few when Leo had told the cashier that they’d take one of all of them. Thankfully, Regulus had learnt that to argue with Leo when he was trying to show love was futile. “Why am I sad? I just had the best night.”

“Post concert blues,” Leo commiserated, sliding a plate of pancakes across the table to Regulus.

Logan hummed his agreement, drowning his pancakes in maple syrup, “You’ve got to spend the whole day watching the videos you took. Try and get some of the endorphins back. But really, the only thing that cures it, is booking a new concert. You’re gonna be hooked forever.”

“Is it also normal to still be able to hear the music?” Regulus said, rubbing at his left ear, before cutting into his pancake.

“Sure, the music is loud,” Finn answered with a chortle.“ You two blasting music until 2am in the morning probably didn’t help. It’s a good job this apartment is soundproof.”

“Sorry,” Regulus said, looking guilty, “Did we keep you up?” Leo didn’t even remember falling asleep. The last thing he could recall was dancing around his bedroom screaming along to My songs know what you did in the dark, and then was waking up sprawled across Regulus.

“Don’t worry about,” Finn mumbled around a mouthful of food. “It was nice to see you letting go like that.”

“It would be nice if you could learn some table manners,” Logan chirped.

#Leo knut #regulus black #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #lumosinlove #Sweater Weather #food talk #toxic parenting

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lame-adventures · 5 years ago

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Authors Note: So I know this is more than a week late but I got really busy and haven’t had a chance to publish it until now. I considered abandoning this, but I want to make it apart of holiday themed series. Enjoy!

A perfect Halloween

October 31st, 2020 - A Muggle Quarantine AU

“Oh bloody hell.” Lily murmured to herself, taking in the messy sight of her bathroom. “James! Harry! Get your butts in here.” She stuck her head out the bathroom door and hollered down the hallway.

“Yes love?” James Potter said, clambering down the hallway, holding his two year old daughter at his waist.

“What is it Mum?” Harry asked politely, hoping to avoid an overly-dramatic scolding from a nine-month pregnant Lily Potter.

“Someone care to explain?” Lily said, gesturing to the mess scattered throughout their bathroom.

Wet towels sat in piles on the floor, a whole roll of toilet paper was wrapped across the sink and shaving cream had been sprayed into the toilet itself.

“What the-?”James began, stopping himself from cussing in front of his children.

“Mum you’re a nutter. I would never.” Harry began lamely, rolling his eyes.

Lily eyed him suspiciously, her thirteen year old boy had been known to stir up quite a bit of mischief. And being quarantined inside for the past eight months, had spurred a new level of prankster in the boy.

(Of course it didn’t help that her husband egged on their child every chance he got.)

“Harry James.” James began sternly, his daughter shyly nuzzling her head deep into his shoulder. “This is too far.”

“I didn’t do that.” Harry whined, “I’m not a bloody child.”

“Oi. Language!” Lily snapped at him, she crossed her arms delicately on top of her protruding belly, and tapped her foot anxiously.

“Well? Who did this then?” James asked, setting down the two year old Sophie.

“Why doesn’t Hannah ever get this sort of inquisition?” Harry asked, referring to his eleven year old sister.

“Why are you using words like inquisition?” Lily asked while James bellowed down the stairs for Hannah to join them upstairs.

The Potter’s were, of course, a very rambunctious bunch. Constantly bugging each other and playing childish pranks. But Hannah took after her Mother, the same brightly colored ginger hair and vivid green eyes. Childish pranks were not Hannah’s forte, and her eyes went wide at the mess of the bathroom once she finally met the rest of her family upstairs.

“Oh,” She said, somewhat sheepishly, eyes turned downwards. “That was Sophie.”

“Soph?” James asked incredulously, the two year old in question cowered behind her Mother’s legs.

“Yup it was all Sophie. I saw her a little while ago, before you guys got up.” Hannah tattled.

“And why? In Gods name,” Lily began lowly, “did you not stop her?”

“Or get us?”

“Not my responsibility,” Hannah said firmly placing her hands on her hips.

“Han.” Harry said lowly. “You know this isn’t fair to Mum and Dad.”

“Well Dad kept yelling at me for being a tattletale.” She replied, a knowing smirk growing on her face. It was true in fact, that James had scolded her several times over the past few months for consistent need to tell her Mum and Dad whenever Harry did something slightly wrong.

“Welp. I’m going to put Soph in time out.” Lily said, bending down slightly to pick up the two year old who now sat innocently on the floor, sucking contently on her pacifier and purposely ignoring the conflict in front of her.

“You got this?” Lily asked James, before walking down the long hallway to their shared bedroom.

Lily heard yelling and groaning behind her as she shut the bedroom door, eyeing the armchair that sat in the corner of her bedroom. It had a pile of clothes on it, and with her free arm, Lily pushed the clothes on to the floor and set the squirmy toddler down.

She squatted as best as she could, with her large tummy in the way, and met Sophie’s eye level.

“You do not play in the bathroom.” Lily spoke sternly. “You do not make messes.”

The toddler stared at her mother, suppressing a smile as she sucked on her pacifier.

“This is not funny Sophie Lynn Potter.”

Sophie squealed in response, and Lily groaned loudly in frustration, standing up and pulling the pacifier out of Sophie’s mouth. This prompted the girl to begin screaming, and Lily walked towards her dressing table in agitation.

Her baby sat low inside her, kicking a sore spot near her ribs all morning, and Lily was in no mood to put up with screaming a two year old and bickering children.

It was the morning Halloween; normally her kids would be bouncing with excitement at the thought of classroom Halloween parties, and a night of trick or treating. Unfortunately this year, their new normal involved isolation inside their home while the world raged on outside in a mix of political chaos and a health crisis.

Lily still shudders thinking back to March earlier that year, in the same week the world had shut down and Lily had found out she was pregnant with her fourth child.

For the safety of both her and her unborn baby it was decided Lily would not leave their home at all, lest she come into contact with the virus. And Therefore, Lily has not left her home in eight months.

She looked sadly into her mirror, and took in her worn down appearance. At 33, Lily was at the typical age in which one would have babies. She was always attending some sort of baby shower event for her work colleagues, so getting pregnant at this age was completely normal. Of course she and James had done things a bit out of the normal when they started their family. James was at university, working on being scouted by some of the national football teams, while Lily was working towards a degree in journalism. They had only been dating for eight months when Lily fell pregnant for the first time. They were terrified of course, having a child so young, with so many unknowns of their future hanging in front of them. But once Lily gave birth to Harry, and she held him in her arms for the first time, they fell in love with the baby boy.

James earned a spot on Manchester United’s team, as a second string forward, and Lily got a job as a political commentator for BuzzFeed England. They bought a three story townhouse in the bustling downtown area of Manchester and got married on a chilly Halloween night, soon after they learned that Lily was once again pregnant.

Hannah was born, and for eight years the young family of four lived boisterously and happily. Her friends fawned over her children, and her co-workers cooed in delight when she announced once again she was pregnant when she was 30.

Sophie joined the Potter family in May, albeit her addition was unexpected, and Lily’s children were thrown for a loop with the shock of having to share their parents. Sophie was welcomed with so much overwhelming love that the youngest Potter quickly became spoiled with attention.

When the world locked down, and the five Potter’s learned that they would become six, Lily had been shaken with anxiety this time around. Frustrated with her government, growing bored with being home bound and irritated with her kids constantly yelling, Lily felt like crying.

She buried her face in her hands, and felt her baby kick her gently on the inside. She smiled softly, with as shitty as 2020 had been, there would definitely be a good ending for the Potter family.

James walked into the room, and pointedly ignored the screaming two year old. James and Lily quickly learned that the best way to deal with Sophie’s tantrums was to not give her the attention she was acting out for.

He walked around the side of the bed and wrapped his arms around Lily.

“Happy Anniversary love.” He said, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry our kids had to start the day out like this.”

“Eh,” she shrugged, sinking into his arms. “I’d be bored without the chaos.”

She moved away from him, peeling off the large tee-shirt she had stolen from him years earlier and threw on a bright orange sweater. A big pumpkin displayed proudly across her belly.

“I made Hannah clean up, Harry is supervising.”

“That’ll end well I’m sure.” She laughed, throwing her hair up into a sloppy ponytail.

“You still up for our plans tonight?” He asked, scooping up Sophie in his arms once she finally stopped crying, and sitting down in the arm chair. He picked up the remote and flicked on the Telly to the morning news.

“Yes, It’ll have to get done soon anyways.” She said, patting her tummy, and smiling when she felt a small kick near her hand. The baby was due in two weeks, and they had yet to put the nursery together.

With four children, their house would quickly become crowded and James had taken to several quarantine projects in effort to make more room for his family. He began with converting the upstairs attack into a room for Harry, complete with his own Telly, a new gaming system and a mini fridge. James then began the task of converting Harry’s old bedroom into a nursery for the new baby.

They had decided to wait on the sex of their child, and opted to paint the bedroom yellow. Marlene had come by a week prior and painted a mural of characters from Lily’s favorite book to read to her kids, Winnie the Pooh.

Harry and Hannah would be spending the evening at the Weasley’s and James’ Mother would be stopping by this afternoon to pick up Sophie for an evening of spoiling, giving James and Lily some much needed alone time. They had incredibly exciting plans, of eating take-away and preparing the nursery.

Soon enough, James had declared he was taking Harry and Hannah to the market to do a little bit of shopping, and Lily sat at home with Sophie. She planted the child in front of the Telly in her bedroom, whilst Lily sat on her bed, editing her latest article for Buzzfeed. This was the last article she had to write before starting maternity leave, and she was hellbent in making it one of her best ones yet.

Her back ached, and she sighed as she noticed Sophie beginning to get restless. Quarantine had been rough for everyone, and being locked up with a whiny toddler began to take a toll only Lily’s nerves.

She slammed her laptop shut and sighed out in frustration, taking in the sight of her daughter. The girl mimicked her Mother, with curly red hair and freckles skin. But she took James' playful smile, and his aptitude for mischief. It wasn’t Sophie’s fault that she misbehaved so often of course, she was bored. Two year olds needed to be out exploring the world, and Sophie was locked inside with her anxious parents.

When the shut downs began, Lily was still required to work. Most days, she was shut away, writing articles and having conferences over zoom. James hasn’t worked since March, and he was tasked with entertaining the kids most days.

Thankfully Harry and Hannah could occupy themselves with school, and once summer came around they got to see their friends again.

But poor Sophie rarely got the sole attention from her Mother anymore, and so Lily took this as an opportunity to spend some much needed one on one time with her youngest daughter.

They made sugar cookies, and the rest of her family came home to find Lily and Sophie sitting in a mess of orange icing, surrounded by dozens of pumpkin shaped cookies.

James presented Lily with a bouquet of sunflowers and she squealed in delight when Harry gave her a box of chocolates and a card.

“It’s from all of us.” He said nonchalantly. “Happy Anniversary.”

James grinned, rustling Harry’s hair and pointed towards a framed photo on the wall next to the stove. It was of James, Lily and Harry as a baby. The day they got married.

“It’s a shame you don’t remember it. You were throwing up from all the cake Uncle Sirius let you eat.”

“It was a beautiful day.” Lily said, shoving a cookie towards Harry. “Let’s not dwell on when Harry threw up all over me.”

At three that afternoon, Mia Potter entered their home, with bags of Halloween treats for Harry and Hannah. She came with her digital camera, demanding the kids get dressed in their costumes for an impromptu Halloween photo op. James had struggled to get Sophie into her Peppa Pig costume, and Harry and Hannah had squeezed into their wizard costumes from the previous year.

Lily begrudgingly got through the picture part of the afternoon, and sat patiently in the living room while James served the tea.

“Any signs of arrival?” Mia asked, the elder Mrs Potter was nearing eighty now. She waited nearly fifty years for her only son, and was more than thrilled when her grandchildren had been born.

“Not yet,” Lily said. “Unfortunately. I’m starting to feel like I’ll be pregnant forever. But I’m trying to enjoy it, because this is definitely the last one.”

“You said that after Hannah.” Mia reminded her.

“We mean it this time.” James said, sitting next to Lily and handing her a mug of tea. “We are stopping at four.”

“Yeah we are out of room here.” Harry said assuredly. “And you don’t want to turn into the Weasley’s.”

James laughed at that, he couldn’t even fathom seven children. The thought of having four was already quelling lots of new anxieties.

“Oh well. I’ve already got four perfect grandchildren.” Mia said, standing up and patting Hannah on the head.

“We best be getting off though, I have quite the evening planned for this sweet girl.” She said, picking up Sophie and kissed her cheek.

Lily kissed her goodbye, and made her way to the kitchen while James accompanied his Mother outside.

“Harry go help Mum clean up.” She heard Hannah whine.

“Well why don’t you?”

“You two better not bring this bickering over to the Weasley’s.” Lily interrupted the brewing fight.

“Sorry Mum.” Hannah said sheepishly, taking the kettle of her Mother’s hands. “We’ll behave.” She said pointedly, staring at Harry.

“Yes. I promise.” Harry said, kissing his mother’s cheek. “Enjoy your night with Dad.”

“What time are they expecting you lot?” Lily asked, leading the way to the kitchen.

“Dad said he’ll drive us over there at seven.” Harry said, moving to load the dishwasher.

“Make sure you take some of those cookies over there with you.” Lily said, it broke her heart slightly. That her kids were at the age where they would rather spend Halloween with their friends rather than their parents.

Halloween had always been a bit of a weird holiday for the Potter’s. It began in their first year of University, when James and Lily met at a party that James and his friends were throwing. Remus had practically begged Lily to join him at their party, insisting she would get along greatly with his friends. Lily’s roommate Marlene had excitedly encouraged Lily to “get drinks and get laid.” Lily did get laid that night, after immediately hitting it off with James. They spent hours talking together, laughing and drinking and dancing. They ended up in bed, in a drunken tangle of limbs, and Lily fell in love. (James had been in love the moment he laid eyes on her.)

The second Halloween spent together was presumed to be when Harry was conceived, again at a party that James had been throwing. Sirius had given Lily a brownie with a little “surprise ingredient,” and she had failed to make sure that James was using a condom that night.

They would never forget their fourth Halloween together. It left a number of scars, and an emotional strain on the young couple for years to come. It had begun with a disasterly dreadful dinner with her sister and her oaf of a husband. They had met at a posh restaurant near Lily’s hometown and the night had ended with Lily in tears after Petunia’s verbal attack. It was the same old conversation; that Lily was a disappointment to her Mother, that Lily was a freak, a failure. A slut for having a baby at such a young age.

She was silent as she walked to the car, hand in hand with James while he struggled to carry their crying infant son at his hip. She insisted on driving, that driving was calming, and James didn’t want to upset her further. He strapped his son into his car seat and climbed into the front seat, plugging in his phone and scrolling through his playlist to find Lily’s favorite artist.

He didn’t notice the red light, the rain was coming down too hard and he was focused on trying to calm the screaming baby in the back. A truck had barreled into them, flipping their car and nearly killing the young family.

Harry was left with a terrible scar on his forehead. The baby had a concussion and slept for days after the accident. James too had a concussion, and shattered his arm. Lily had been in a coma for nearly a month.

They nearly died that Halloween, James and Lily shudder at the thought of everything they could have lost. And they are thankful everyday for the family that they have.

The following year they decided to make Halloween into a happy memory. That morning Lily had taken a pregnancy test and a pink plus sign glared back at her. She cried for most of the morning, frustrated with her inability to use contraception. James was quick to ease Lily’s frustrations, reminding her that they wanted more kids in the future anyways, and that Harry was unplanned and ‘look at how good we are at making babies’. They took Harry Trick or Treating for the first time, dressed in a dog costume and laughed at Uncle Sirius’ tricks.

Afterwards they eloped, James had declared that they waited long enough, and they found a twenty four hour chapel. Halloween was the anniversary of when they met, and when they became a family. It was the day their family lived, and the day that their family was growing. It was the perfect day to get married.

Halloween in 2020 would be different of course. Harry and Hannah hadn’t bought costumes that year, and Sophie would miss out on her first chance to go trick or treating. Lily sat at her kitchen table and thought about this sadly, she had a few hours left before Harry and Hannah left and she wanted to make the most of it.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” She asked, smiling at her kids as they finished cleaning up from their afternoon tea.

“Erm.” Harry said, anxious to get upstairs on his Xbox before he left tonight.

“Han? C’mon guys. We never get time like this. We can watch something scary.”

Hannah agreed, and after Lily said she would make cheesy popcorn, Harry agreed too.

James joined them, and excitedly picked out The Conjuring declaring that Hannah was old enough to watch it.

Lily sat contently, as her daughter curled up next to her and they shared a bowl of popcorn. She observed James as he sat cross legged on the floor, leaning up against the couch, throwing popcorn at Harry.

Lily dozed off after a while, and her family dared not to wake her. Once the credits rolled, Lily stirred and found Harry and Hannah at the front door with their overnight bags.

“Behave.” She told Harry sternly, “I don’t want any calls from Mrs.Weasley tonight. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him Mum.”

“Please don’t.” James interjected, “that will just cause a fight. Don’t embarrass yourselves.”

Hannah rolled her eyes, and Lily laughed as she planted one last kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

“Any requests for dinner love?” James asked her before leaving to drive the kids to the Weasley's.

“Something fried.” Lily said, shutting the door behind him.

By the end of the night Lily was ready to sleep for a century. Once James had returned with bags of take-away, she had eaten her weight in fish and chips and spent the rest organizing the nursery. James had mastered putting cribs together by now, and had easily built this new one within an hour. He had put together the dresser, and was now working on the changing table while Lily began to organize the drawers of the dresser.

“You know this is probably going to be the last time we are alone for a long time.” James said, sitting down on the floor and throwing his tools back into the tool box.

“Yeah.” She bit her lip sadly, things were about to get chaotic. They both knew that when they decided to have a fourth baby. “I just wish this was happening at a different time. I mean I won’t even be able to give birth in a hospital. It’s really scary.”

“It’ll be alright.” He said, she moved to sit down next to him. It was awkward of course, she moved slowly, and James reached his arm around her waist to help steady her to the ground. She sat with her legs stretched out infront of her, and her hands resting carelessly on top of her belly.

“Just a few more weeks.” James mused, setting his hand on top of hers. “Are you nervous?”

“Very.” She nodded.

“Me too. But it’ll be fine.” He willed himself to believe it. He had hoped that the pandemic would have been controlled enough by now that Lily would be able to go to the hospital to deliver their baby. But her doctor had advised against it, saying that Lily was healthy enough to deliver on her own and to do so in a hospital would be an unnecessary risk.

“We have a plan for the moment labor starts. Mum, Sirius, and Marlene are ready to spring into action the second we call them.” James spoke simply, the best way to calm down a spiraling Lily was to talk her through it.

He turned his head to kiss her on the temple, and he softly whispered into her hair. “You’ve done this three times already Lil. You’re great at it. Everything will be okay.”

“I guess it will be kinda nice being at home this time. And in my own bed.” She said lowly.

“See? Look on the bright side. And just think love, in a few weeks she’ll be here and things will be better. I promise you.”

Lily looked at him incredulously, “she?”

“Yea. She. It’s a girl, I know it.”

“It’s a boy James. We’ve talked about this.”

“Blah blah. ‘Mothers intuition’ and all that.” He rolled his eyes, “you have been wrong about our other two girls. I don’t trust your intuition.”

“I want Harry to have a brother. It’s not fair he’s going to be outnumbered.”

“You and Hannah were outnumbered for years.” James laughed, reminding her of the years spent with Sirius and Remus as part of her family.

“Exactly! I don’t want Harry to feel like that.”

“Whatever, I’m happy with whatever we get. Even if it means you're wrong.”

She was wrong of course. Her baby came later that night, weeks before her due date, and after hours of screaming at James for putting her in this spot; she gave birth to a tiny, precious girl.

They called her Phoebe, she was small, and wrinkly and very pink. She had a mess of thick black hair and her tiny fingers curled around Lily’s finger while she held her daughter in adoration.

Labor came suddenly, and Lily couldn’t remember her other children hurting this badly. She laid in her bed and cried for her Mother, while James panicked. He called Marlene over, she was a nurse and Lily had insisted that she would only feel comfortable giving birth at home if Marlene was there to act as a midwife.

By midnight Lily was crying into James' chest as she pushed her daughter out into the world.

James held Lily tight, as Lily held her daughter to her chest and began to feed her. He took a quick picture of the newborn, and sent it to Harry and his mother. And whispered to Lily, “you did amazing. Again.”

She looked up at him, smiling wildly. “Shes lovely James, we did this.”

“Well obviously. But you did the hard part.”

“It’s okay.” She sighed, labor had been a bitch. She was horribly sore, and exhausted. She smiled down at the baby in her arms, “it was worth it.”

“Happy anniversary love.” He said.

“Happy Halloween.” She beamed at him.

Halloween was good for the Potter family. They had another happy Halloween story to add to their collection, the day Phoebe was born.

This year may have been shit, but it was ending happily within the chaos of the Potter home.

“Happy Birthday.” James leaned down and kissed his daughter's tiny head.

#jily #harry potter #james potter #lily potter #jily fanfiction #marlene mckinnon #remus lupin #sirius black #Marauders #jily fic #pregnant Lily #muggle au #Lily Evans #aaron taylor johnson #Sophie Skelton #jily fandom #hp marauders #hp fanfic #jily fanfic

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snowflake-apocalypse · 4 years ago

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Karma’s Rogue Gallery: Charlotte Forte

“Am I going too far?”

“No no no, you went too far seven hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.”

“Wonderful! It’s a date then!”

——-

Joss: Year 2

Down Town; 0941

Crisp autumn air blusters through the ocean town of Idle City. The scent of salt and spiced apple cider carried on the breeze. A long forgotten liveliness permeates throughout the streets. The quaint corner shops freely welcoming residents, now with no threat of unrest from the local mobs.

“Ah, you know what, Drew. After that bizarro string of bank thefts last couple weeks, this... this is nice.” Joss, sighing with relief. The young woman perched atop the edge an old town building; quietly observing the community usher in the Halloween season.

“Right? I’ve experienced less hassle dealing with Jack Hench, and you can quote me on that.” Drew Lipsky quips from the device in her ear. From his island-side balcony, he takes a generous sip of his cocoa-moo infused coffee.

“Didn’t Hench deal with you eighty percent of the time? I should go quote that to him.” Raising an eyebrow, the brunette chuckles.

“Ngh.. pass. The only quote that man cares about is his bank statement.”, Huffs the former supervillain.

“Y’know, you should bring Jay trick or treating this year, -we can carve pumpkins! He would love-”

Abruptly before she could finish her sentence, a blast rattles and quakes the area. The streets run eerily quiet, in a fog of confusion from the people below.

“What the-? Gah- damnit.” Cursing to herself.

“Joss? What was that noise? What’s happening?”

“I don’t know yet. Sounded like there was an explosion near the Carlson district. I’m jettin’ there now.” Sprinting her way to the fire escape, Joss seamlessly dons her modest domino mask. After a few years, aided by the actions of the petty and the thanks of the grateful, the cloak was beginning to feel cozy resting upon her face. Like it belonged there.

Jumping on her 400 Svartpilen tucked away carefully in the ally. The young vigilante revs the engine to life, and speeds to the source of the disturbance.

‘You just had to go and jinx it, didn'tcha Joss?’

—

“The hell..?” Joss utters upon arriving at the bewildering scene. Switching on the camera of her shades, “Hey, Drew.. you seeing this?”

“Yes.. I am. That doesn’t look like an accident explosion either. The angle of impact looks precise. A carefully crafted chaos.” Drakken informs, scrutinizing the picture on his screen.

The research and innovation section of a Cougar Motors factory had been blasted away, leaving rubble and smoke scattered in every direction. Frantic employees and pedestrians alike bound from site. The scream of sirens growing ever closer.

Scanning the area for what could have caused such mayhem, ‘Holy crap... what blew the building-...gotcha.’

“Please, everyone don’t panic. Or do, doesn’t matter. I’ll still leave with what I came for either way.” An off-hand, feminine voice echos from the roof of the now- dilapidated structure. Slyly pocketing a minuscule hardrive.

“Which is what, exactly?” Joss’ firm voice interrupting the intruder from behind.

“Oh, look who I dug out of the wood work. Karma, Karma. I’ve heard rumours of some nutter playing dress up in Idle City. Thought you would be more dramatic.” Jeers the woman, clad in Victorian-punk attire.

A ruffled white blouse, umber dress trousers tucked into black combat boots, all pulled together by trim maroon suspenders. Fiery red bob swaying in the wind.

‘Is that a wig...?’

“My welcome ran out on the west coast. So I thought I’d finish shopping here.”, The eccentric woman continues.

“Well, there are better ways to get a car. Online.. used... empty intel agency lots...”, muttering the last of her words, Joss steels herself ever so slightly.

“Hmhm. Thanks for suggestions, mate. Maybe I’ll think about them on my way to get strawberry crepes.” With a final snicker, she turns on her heels to make her exit.

“No.” Joss declares, quickly and deliberately snatching the culprits wrist. Curiously, hazel eyes glance down to the gloved fist holding her back.

‘Okay, then.’, she shrugs. It had been a while since her last good tussle.

Without warning, she’s sweeps Joss’ legs from under her, quick as lighting a knee connects to the vigilante’s stomach.

“Argh!” Swiftly recovering, Joss lunges toward her assailant, blocking a well aimed punch in her efforts.

“Joss are you okay?”, from her ear, the concerned voice perks up. Skilfully capricious and violent blows are exchanged. Leaving Drakken to blindly follow the brawl.

Upper cuts,

kidney punches,

side kicks,

swings and misses.

Battling across the shrewd covering, the two women become more hap-hazardous with every stroke.

‘I gotta end this before someone gets hurt.’ Thinking decisively, Joss reaches for the restraining cable in the inside of her jacket.

“Hoho! You can fight.”, exclaims the brash woman. Eyeing the cable in Joss’ hand, “You know, I haven’t had this much excitement in a long time. Wouldn’t mind taking you for those crepes, either. What do you say?”

‘...Is she flirting with me?’ Dumbstruck, Joss fails to see past the woman’s devilish smirk, completely missing the brass bracelet-like gadget she produced from inside her sleeve. A momentum amplifier. Able to concentrate energy and redirect it at will. A tool villains in the old days would describe as “Doomsday’s free lunch and your nemesis is buying.”

As rapidly as they entered each other’s life, with a parry and mutual defiance, the woman locks the apparatus to her enemy’s wrist.

“Think about it, you know? See ya later, mate.”Charging the device around her adversary’s wrist, gracing her a coy wink.

“Uh oh.”, Joss deadpans. She knows what’s coming next, and is not going to be fun.

With one forceful toss, Joss is sent hurling off of the building, colliding with the brick security post below. Impacting with a solid thunk.

“......gah...ugh....”, Joss groans in pain.

“Kid, talk to me.”

“She threw me around... like a rag doll... what the hell...?,” achingly rolling onto her back. “I- I’m just gonna lay here for a minute, Drew.”

—-

Gingerly getting lost in the crowds, the mystery woman lets her thoughts wander to the day’s escapades. Browsing the various autumn decor in shop windows, hardrive safe in hand.

‘Hm. Karma. Didn’t think that would have been that much fun.. She was kinda cute too...”

#Kim Possible #Joss Possible #Karma #Karma’s Rogue Gallery #dr drakken #drew lipsky #au #Happy Halloween!#and Shego would laugh at that little whatitz #fight scene is kind of rushed..#here’s the steampunk lady

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heyitssmiller · 4 years ago

Note

oh,,,,nutter butter babyyyy i need to give him all the hugs(very gentle ones) and wrap him in blanket and place him in a comfy blanket fort with his boyfriends and they can be happy and safe and i will stand guard and attack anyone who tries to mess up their happiness :)

... you might have to attack me for this next chapter, then 😬

#clandestine

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fuegodelcielo · 4 years ago

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ADORACION VERDADERA!

A.W.Tozer se convirtió en una leyenda como voz profética, y sus obras siguen vendiéndose muchísimo cincuenta años después de su muerte. Tozer, predicador nato, hallaba su máximo placer en practicar la presencia de Dios. La adoración era el centro de su vida y su pasión. Sus sermones eran una declaración tan poderosa de lo que había descubierto al orar y adorar de forma privada al Dios trino, que tenía tanto la habilidad como la unción del Espíritu para enfrentar a sus oyentes con lo que el Señor decía de su Iglesia. Sus obras transmiten el mismo mensaje con el mismo resultado a una nueva generación de adoradores.

A. W. Tozer fue un hombre que conocía la voz de Dios. Compartió esta experiencia con todos los verdaderos hijos de Dios,

Aiden Wilson Tozer (21 de abril de 1897 – 12 de mayo de 1963) fue un pastor cristiano americano, autor, editor de revista y mentor espiritual. Por su trabajo,recibió dos doctorados honoris causa.

Tozer provenía de una pequeña comunidad agrícola en el oeste de La José, Pensilvania. Se convirtió al cristianismo cuando era adolescente, en Akron, Ohio; mientras volvía a casa del trabajo en una empresa de neumáticos, escuchó a un predicador callejero decir: “Si no sabes cómo salvarte … solo invoca a Dios y dile: ‘Señor, sé propicio a mí, pecador. ‘”Al regresar a casa, se subió al ático y escuchó el consejo del predicador.

Nacido en la pobreza, Tozer fue autodidacta y aprendió lo que echaba de menos en la escuela secundaria y la universidad.

En 1919, cinco años después de su conversión y sin entrenamiento teológico formal, Tozer aceptó una oferta para servir como pastor de su primera iglesia. Eso comenzó 44 años de ministerio, asociado con la Alianza Cristiana y Misionera (C&MA), una denominación evangélica protestante, 33 sirvió como pastor en varias iglesias. Su primer pastorado fue en una pequeña iglesia en Nutter Fort, Virginia Occidental. Tozer también fue pastor durante 30 años en Southside Alliance Church, en Chicago (1928 a 1959), y los últimos años de su vida los pasó como pastor de Avenue Road Church, en Toronto, Ontario, Canadá. Al observar la vida cristiana contemporánea, sintió que la iglesia estaba en un camino peligroso hacia el compromiso con las preocupaciones “mundanas”..

Aquí unas de sus frases más célebres acerca de la adoración:

“Algunas personas creen que están adorando cuando hacen mucho ruido, mucho escándalo. Nunca pueden adorar sin que haya ruido y conmoción. El ruido religioso y la adoración no son lo mismo”.

“Señor enséñame a escuchar, por que los tiempos son ruidosos, y mis oídos están hartos de gritería y sonidos estridentes. Dame el espíritu de Samuel, que dijo, ‘habla, señor, que tu siervo oye’ permíteme que te oiga hablándome al corazón. Haz que me acostumbre al sonido de tu voz, y que lo oiga cuando todos los de la tierra hayan desaparecido; haz que los únicos sonidos que oiga en esos momentos sean los de la música de tu voz, amén”.

— A. W. Tozer

-Verdad y Vida!

-Jóvenes para Jesucristo!

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whitewaterpaper · 5 years ago

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Goda Omen (Kap: ”I begynnelsen”, ”För 11 år Sedan”).

En läsecirkel tillsammans med @kulturdasset, delmål 1.

Originaltitel: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

Författare: Terry Pratchett och Neil Gaiman (@neil-gaiman).

Översättare: Peter Lindforss. Publicerad: 1990 (på svenska 2000). Medium: eBok/eLib (2020).

¡Oi! Spoilers, stavfel och alternativa fakta kan förekomma rakt föröver!

Det här är de två upptakterna till den ikoniska bok som skulle komma att bli Goda Omen, och redan här finns det en humor som jag uppskattar. Framför allt är det de otaliga ”fotnoterna” som sprängts in i texten som får mig att le. Det här hintar om en underhållande historia (om apokalypsen nu kan kallas underhållande) och redan i de första sidorna drogs jag in i texten.

Grundtanken är att jag och @kulturdasset sedan skall följa upp den här boken med att se serien på Amazon Prime.

Jag skall dock erkänna att jag hickade till när jag såg sidantalet på del två av veckans delmål: 118 sidor. Vilken panik jag kände, till jag kom ihåg att det här inte var sekreterarklubben. Trots att jag varit kvällstrött hela veckan så flög sidorna fram så jag var nästan besviken igår kväll när jag läste ”Onsdag”.

Framför allt får vi lära känna tre karaktärer som verkar komma att bli centrala: demonen/fallne ängeln Crowley (som gör sin debut i boken i skepnaden av en orm) och Aziraphale ängeln som umgås med Crowley på mer eller mindre regelbunden basis. Jag måste erkänna att det är uppfriskande med en demon och en ängel som inte spottar förolämpningar efter varandra. I över huvud taget så är det en rätt intressant bild man ger av ”satanisterna” i boken. Framför allt så framstår dem som helt vanliga människor, där man till och med talar om ”vardagssatanister” som inte är mer ”frälsta” än folk i största allmänhet. Och den nyfödda karaktären med, i profetiorna, det smidiga namnet: »Den Onde, Störtaren av Konungar, Den Bottenlösa Avgrundens Ängel, Det Väldiga Odjur som kallas Drake, Denna Världens Härskare, Lögnens Fader, Satans Avföda och Mörkrets Furste«. Eller som hans föräldrar döpte honom ”Warlock”.

Boken utkom 1990, så jag utgår att boken utspelar sig däromkring. I en värld där demoner och änglar äter frukost tillsammans på Ritz medan de drar upp riktlinjerna för hur man bäst utbildar världens härskare och förgörare. På det hela taget är det en underhållande prolog fylld med skruvade detaljer på en nivå och i en ton som jag känner igen från Pratchett-miniserierna som gick på tv. (Som att räkna fel på hela 15 minuter för universums skapelse, pinsamt. 😜). Gillar f.ö. att varken Crowley eller Aziraphale minns vilken sida som låg bakom ”skräckväldet” (franska revolutionen).

Det här är en välkommet lättläst bok så här långt, och jag gillar verkligen hur författarna jobbat med humoristiska små inslag med fotnoterna. Speciellt gillade jag den om nunnan Sankta Beryl Articulatus av Krakow och den nunneorden som grundats i hennes namn. Det är något uppfriskande med en religiös orden med både bordtennis och motsatsen till tysthetslöfte.

Nunnorna som tillhör Sankta Beryls Pladderorden har avlagt ett löfte om att ständigt följa Sankta Beryls exempel, med undantag för torsdag eftermiddag då de har tillåtelse att under en halvtimme hålla klaffen och, om de så önskar, spela bordtennis.

Under ”För 11 år sedan”-prologen får vi främst följa Crowley och jag kvackade faktiskt och kollade upp hur en Bentley av 1926 års modell såg ut. Snygg bil. Läste lite om bilen och topphastigheten angavs som 148 km/h. Känns som om bilen är aningen … trimmad? Skall även erkänna att jag var förvånad att den gick så fort som 148km/h. Men den fanns i sport/racingmodell tydligen också. (Behöver väl inte spekulera vilken av varianterna Crowley införskaffade).

Det var dessutom en del referenser till ”amerikansk film” i olika formuleringar… Undrar om det ligger något speciellt bakom det – eller om det främst blir metahumor när ett av Usas största bolag producenter producerat tv-serien tillsammans med BBC. Och bara jag som utgår från att frasen ”bättre sortens deckare” i kombination med en amerikan måste betyda ”Mord och inga visor”? 😋

Redan nu ser jag fram emot att få se serien på Amazon Prime, speciellt sedan Neil Gaiman själv både regisserat och skrivit manus.

LÄNKAR.

Goda Omen @ duckduckgo.com.

Good Omens @ duckduckgo.com.

Boken @ kb.libris.se.

Boken @ goodreads.com.

Originaltiteln @ goodrads.com.

Peter Lindforss @ Svenskt översättarlexikon.

Hitta ett bibliotek @ Axiell Media.

Biblio @ Axiell Media.

Boken @ boktugg.se.

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motorgirls · 7 years ago

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New 2015 Polaris RZR 570 EPS ATVs For Sale in West Virginia

ProStarÂ® 570 engine, 4-valve DOHCFast acceleration: 0 to 35 mph in 4 secondsLightweight yet efficient and durable transmission for more power to the ground

Click here to find more detail

#Polaris #RZR 570 EPS #Recreation / Sport #Nutter Fort #WV #motorycycle #rv #auto #motor

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aroundfortwayne · 3 years ago

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Electric Works announces community beam signing - 7/7/2022

New Post has been published on https://aroundfortwayne.com/news/2022/07/05/electric-works-announces-community-beam-signing-20220707/

Electric Works announces community beam signing - 7/7/2022

Electric Works announces a special opportunity for northeast Indiana residents to celebrate the campus’ construction progress.

#Brackenridge Street #downtown Fort Wayne Indiana #Electric Works #Ewing Street #Fort Wayne City Councilman Geoff Paddock #Fort Wayne Indiana #Fort Wayne TinCaps Baseball #Mike Nutter #Parkview Field

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abbyrynt · 5 years ago

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Tsubasa’s Trauma and Why I Disagree

So a recurring opinion I’ve seen in a couple different places where I creep/lurk (reddit, tumblr, etc) is that XV should not have pummeled the shit out of Tsubasa.

I strongly, vehemently, aggressively disagree even though I can see where they’re coming from. The first time I watched XV, I literally texted someone: “What are they doing to my poor baby Basa this season?”

I think the reason my opinion differs is because I think I come from a vastly different background than most viewers. Not to say anyone’s perspective is wrong, it’s just different. First, let me tell you why I love Symphogear.

I am in my mid-thirties and left the Army after sixteen years in February 2019. So from age 18 to *cough mumble* I was a soldier. I won’t go into gnarly detail, but I have lost many friends, more to suicide than to combat operations which is seriously fucked. I have PTSD, insomnia, physical disability, etc. as a result from my service.

War is complex. I joined because I wanted to make the world a safer, better place for all people I never wanted to hurt people but reconciled myself with the fact that I may have to hurt “bad people.” Here is the thing about “bad people.” They are people. They have families, friends, lives, goals, aspirations, dreams. They get hungry and sleepy and sad and happy. To them, I’m also the bad guy. You think, “Hey, it’s easy to figure out who the bad guys are.”

It isn’t. And most of them aren’t bad. They aren’t evil. Their “justice” is different from mine. They are on an opposite side from me but they might not even understand why.

In my experience, there are very few truly “bad guys.” Most of the hardcore Taliban: super bad. Most of their foot soldiers? Not so much. But where it becomes shady is that in my experience, some of the “bad guys” were on my side. A president who lied to the American people and sent us to die in a war we had no business fucking starting. Big businesses that profited from that war and the deaths of my comrades. There are just as many bad guys on both sides, and sometimes the bad guys are supposed to be the ones you trust.

Symphogear lets me experience that and process it without triggering me. It allows me to have a world where I get a happy ending because in war, there is no happy ending, there is no “winner,” there is just one side that loses a little less.

Symphogear lets me retreat to a place that I can be safe.Where I can be idealistic, where I can hope for the best, where I am not crushed by reality. Where I can count on people to do the right thing in the end. It allows me to hope, which I so rarely dare do in the real world. It gives me the opportunity to reach my hand out to my enemy, to try to understand them. And I cannot tell you what that means to me.

And one of the reasons I am drawn to Symphogear is because of Tsubasa. She starts out having trauma, and it changes her in a way that is readily recognizable to me. When you experience shit like that, it is normal to “turn off” the human part of yourself. You don’t ALLOW yourself to feel because that can get you killed. So you turn off your emotions, you focus on your duty, and you do whatever you can to survive. I went through that exact same thing.

You turn yourself into a tool, a weapon, a thing so that you can do your duty. You dehumanize yourself to survive. It becomes your “normal.” It’s a defense mechanism, and sometimes the only thing you can do to protect yourself.

And then Tsubasa is redeemed because she realizes that there is no point to what she does if she is willing to sacrifice her humanity. That’s literally the same realization I came to. What’s the point of fighting if you become no different from that which you claim to stand against? Our humanity is literally the most precious thing any of us have, our capacity for love and compassion and empathy.

One thing I have come to appreciate about anime is that the writers seem to ask themselves the question, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to this character? Let’s do that.” They did it to Tsubasa in XV. They broke her completely. They took away everything she valued, everything she held dear, everything that made her initial recovery possible.

Ta da! That happens in real life. You have setbacks. You have new trauma. Bad things happen. You lose what you value. You lose sight of your “justice.”

Watching her hit bottom, I was like “Girl, I know.” But unlike my battle buddies that I watched hit bottom, I got to see her recover. No matter how far she descended, she came back from it, she survived.

Survival is a triumph. Survival is a win. Because so many don’t survive. They succumb to their experiences, succumb to their trauma, succumb to the loss. They never find their way back.

I am lucky. I am lucky every day that I did. And watching a character mirror my experiences, the experiences of my battle buddies, gives me hope. It gives me consolation. It gives me reassurance. It tells me that it is okay for me to hope and wish and fight for my survival. Because even if she is fictional, even if it isn’t real, it tells me that I can do it too.

It’s why so many people relate to Chris. Who I would argue endured just as much trauma if not more than Tsubasa. She saw her parents killed, she was sold into sexual slavery as a CHILD, endured that for seven years? Only to be rescued and acquired by Fine who further abused her in a romantic/sexual/BDSM(ish?) relationship.

It is sad, but so many people can relate to that: to feeling broken, damaged, isolated, alone, unloved. They suffer from self-esteem issues, from loneliness, from feeling like they will never have a safe space, of being scared of even wanting it because they’ll only be disappointed and hurt again.

I do not relate to Chris. I’ve been sexually assaulted, but... her trauma, her experiences, her recovery, does not resonate with me. It isn’t mine, but I understand that it is other people’s, and it is valid.

I am not Tsubasa. I don’t identify with any of the main characters. I’m a smartass like Kanade. I am easy-going like Kirika. I am reserved like Shirabe. I am maternal like Maria. I am supportive like Miku. I am determined like Elfnein. I like to eat like Hibiki. I am principled like Tsubasa, but at best, I’m probably a background character.

But even if I don’t identify with Tsubasa, I can empathize with her. Because I know that feeling. I know what it’s like to make all the right decisions, do all the right things, to fight with everything that I am and that I have, and for bad things to still happen. Because that is life. It isn’t fair. You can hold tight to your ideals, do everything you are supposed to, and you are not promised a happy ending.

I know that sounds fatalistic, but it’s not because the point is YOU STILL TRY. Even if your only reward is more shit, you pick yourself up, hold onto your justice, and keep trying to do the right thing. Not because it guarantees that nothing bad will happen. Not because you’re ensured a reward, but because it is the right thing to do.

And Tsubasa does that. She has everything taken away from her including her autonomy and self-determination, but in the end, she still stands back up and tries again. She takes the hands of her comrades and does not give up.

And that is all I want for myself. I want to stay true to myself no matter what happens. I want to be able to keep living. And seeing her do that makes me feel like I can too.

I’ve been at home for... 65 days now, leaving only maybe once a week for groceries. My PTSD has flared like a motherfucker. I started doing weekly video-sessions with a therapist, I made a pillow fort on my bed where I work from home to make me feel safe. I wear the Symphogear hoodie one of my partners got me for my birthday.

But what has helped me the most is watching and re-watching the entire Symphogear series over and over again because it makes me feel safe. it gives me hope. It reminds me that I will come through this again. It does not just give me hope, it gives me the courage to hope.

The writers of Symphogear did not just heap pointless trauma and violence and loss on Tsubasa just to abuse her. If it was just a bunch of horrible things dumped on her to make her suffer, I’d hate it too. But it wasn’t. The gave her a journey. They gave her redemption. And that journey and opportunity for redemption gives me hope. And sometimes when we are at our worst, hope is the only thing we have.

I know this post was super long and dramatic, but it bothers me that people want to take away the part of the show that I most closely relate to, the part that helps me, the part of the show that IS ME.

I guess my point is, just because it isn’t your journey or your trauma or your story, does not mean it isn’t someone else’s. Like I said, Chris’s journey/trauma/story is not mine, but I can see why it is other people’s, and why so many people cling to her.

So uh... yeah, that’s it. I’m done. At least for now. Stay tuned for our next episode where I ramble at length about Azur Lane and how I totally did not expect a show about women who are literally warships to so accurately portray and explore the complexities of war. And how parts of that show feel like they were lifted directly from my brain because I’ve struggled with the exact same thing as an aircraft carrier. And how conflicted I feel being attracted to a light cruiser.

(Side note: Please do not feel sorry for me or thank me or anything. Soldiers are not heroes. We’re just people. We do the job we volunteered to do, but we aren’t special. We don’t deserve a gold star for doing what we signed up to do. We’re just normal people trying to do what we think is right, just like everyone else. My trauma is the same as everyone else’s, no better or worse. It was my honor to serve, and no one owes me anything, not even gratitude. /endrant Sorry, I really hate the “hero myth” of the soldier. It’s fluffer-nutter.)

#symphogear #Senki Zesshou Symphogear #tsubasa kazanari #yuri #anime #ptsd #maria cadenzavna eve #mariabasa #symphogear xv #ame no habakiri

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