#Oh another thing twitter does that I hate is that it dislikes stuff. I go into my likes and even though they are in my likes page‚

[longagoitwastuesday]

This is the piece (and the sketch) I was talking about yesterday in the tags of that one other drawing in my previous reblog

[crusherthedoctor]

3, 5, 6, 13

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

No. I would only unfollow someone if they're being extremely unreasonable, and their asshole behaviour is escalating.

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

*looks over at Sonamy*

I was always indifferent to it, but the sheer spectacle made over it has made me beyond sick of it. In fanworks, Sonic is often made OoC for the sake of the ship, or his side of the matter in general is an afterthought at best, because it's said that Amy deserves his love because "she's earned it". They'll waste valuable question time on the Twitter Takeovers over Sonamy stuff. If Sonic and Amy are onscreen together for even a moment, no matter what it is they're actually doing, everyone will hail it as proof of Sonamy. And of course, they'll go crazy when they actually do tease it, using it to shut everyone else up because "Sonamy is Canon, deal with it", even if that teasing is incredibly minor and fated to never go anywhere.

It's a weird feeling looking at all the Sonamy VS Sonally wars over the decades, and not giving a solitary fuck about either of them. And yes, this was already the case long before a certain cardinal sin was initiated on my end. *coughs over horse noises in the background*

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Can't think of any.

Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Sonic: I'm sick of people going one extreme or the other with him. He's not Mr. Principles, nor is he completely selfish to the point of only helping others for his own enjoyment. And I especially dislike when fans misinterpret his role in Black Knight and use it to claim that he's a full on anti-hero. No, he's a legit hero and good person who just so happens to enjoy what he does rather than adopting the usual superhero mantra, and has to make the occasional tough decision for the good of the long run for everyone. What's hard to get about that?

Tails: "I'm wildly inconsistent" does not count as fixing him. Neither does repeating the exact thing that Forces!Tails got slack for to an even more inexcusable extent.

Knuckles: The idea that he tries to see the good in people despite his standoffish nature is fascinating to me, and it's a shame that it's only been brought up for the sake of making him look stupid when he falls for another one of Eggman's tricks. It'd be nice if this got delved into more, in a way where it doesn't screw him over for once… Just don't turn him into Principles the Echidna.

Amy: Like @colony-drop-program, I recognize the… importance(?) of Amy's crush on Sonic, but I find all her other traits infinitely more intriguing.

I also wish people would remember Tails was the one who actually blasted his way through Prison Island. It's become common for fans to give Amy all the credit for that one.

Bean and Bark: Not that I'm super invested in them or anything, but I suppose it'd be nice if they got more opportunities to be the good guys they were intended to be rather than always being pigeonholed with Fang as the Hooligans thanks to Archie. Fang strikes me as a loner type anyway.

Shadow: I don't think I'll ever be on-board with him officially joining G.U.N. I'm fine with him forgiving them, and maybe having a connection of some sort with them afterward, but being a full-on agent himself? I dunno man. After his long life as Gerald and Black Doom's tool, I'd rather he carve out a future where he can be truly free, without needing to answer to any superior.

Rouge: She's not a villain. She's not a villain. She's not a villain. She's. Not. A. Villain.

The entire point of her role in SA2 is that, oh shit, she was only pretending to be on the bad guys' side, and ever since SA2, she's been a loyal ally to Shadow and helped out the other heroes with little hesitance on multiple occasions. She may be a jewel thief, she may have her rivalry with Knuckles, but she's proven time and time again that she's a far better person than most people and comic writers give her credit for.

Cream: I've seen some Amy fans hate on her for supposedly stealing some of Amy's traits, but that's a disservice to her. You can have more than one character in a franchise with similar traits, since they can be explored from different angles. Compare this to a character like Eggman Nega, who really is nothing more than a leech who requires the real Eggman to be split in half in order to seem more impressive.

Silver: Of the many reasons why I'm not interested in him, one is that his schtick gets old very quickly. There's always something to turn his future into yet another Bad Future, and after a while it becomes comical how often his efforts to avert one catastrophe and make a Good Future get revoked by the following catastrophe. Combine that with how he has actual friends in the present, and he might as well just stay in the present full-time and kill two birds with one stone… but then fans would complain about him losing something special to him. Cue frustration.

Also, fans can insist all they want that Silver trusting Mephiles was due to sheer desperation, but until they release the Snyder Cut of '06 where this is actually shown, it's nothing more than a headcanon. You can explain writing fumbles with headcanons, but you can't defend them with headcanons.

Elise: She's not a bad character. Underdeveloped, yes, but the hate she receives is largely exaggerated.

Marine: Her accent annoys me far less than Bunnie's. *mic drop*

Eggman: This notion that he needs to be softened up in order to be fleshed out is ironically a shallow one. He was fine the way he was. There's more than one way to expand on a villain.

Also, he shouldn't be underestimated just because he's a human instead of a god, a demon, an alien, etc. Bowser is an overgrown turtle who can breathe fire when all is said and done, and he still came close to conquering the universe on two occasions. If Bowser can do great things, so can Eggman.

Metal Sonic: It's possible to explore his identity crisis without making him turn traitor. If anything, him staying devoted to the guy who is the real Sonic's arch-nemesis adds an extra compelling layer to his insanity.

Lyric: I actually like his design? Yeah, he's still a crap villain and another one to throw onto the Fucks Eggman Over pile, but his design is at least more interesting than Mephiles the Druggie and Dark "Waiter, There's An Eyeball In My Taco" Gaia.

Infinite: Even if he was meant to be played completely seriously, and the idea of him being parodic to at least some degree isn't actually true, he's still a better maybe-parody of tryhard villains than either Scourge or Surge.

Sage: While Eggman using her for his own ends is preferable to him genuinely caring for her, the mere idea and circumstances of her character is something I'm very opposed to. I just don't like anything that could even vaguely be fitted into the role of Eggman's Bowser Jr, because no matter how it's presented in canon, fans will reduce Eggman to little more than Sage's father regardless. And I'm forced to see a shitton of "wholesome" family bonding regardless.

It doesn't help that beyond her relationship with Eggman, she doesn't have a whole lot of character anyway. The Heavies had more character in Mania, and they had no dialogue whatsoever. Black Doom arguably had more character, because at least with him, I can remember that he doesn't know what lightning is.

The Egg Bosses: They don't work. There is no reason why Eggman would forgo his robots in favor of anthros who, despite his ways of keeping them under his control, still talk back at him, something that the doctor has consistently been known to hate. Eggman having one organic right-hand as the Lefou to his Gaston is fine (like Starline or Agent Stone), but anything more than that just feels wrong IMO.

Tangle: Out of all the IDW-exclusive characters bar pre-Flynned Starline, Tangle is the one I'd be willing to give a chance if she were in something where her characterization wasn't exaggerated to the point of having room temperature IQ. I like the basic concept going on with Tangle, with her being well-intentioned but just a tad overeager for her own good, so I feel kinda sorry for how hard she got flanderized. Compare that to many other characters exclusive to this comic, who I instead wish would just fuck off and never return.

Starline: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE. IT WAS SAID YOU'D SIMP FOR THE DOCTOR, NOT USURP HIM. CAST ASIDE THIS TIRED CLICHE, NOT FOLLOW IT TO THE LETTER. *cries like Ewan McGregor*

Surge: If a character has been shoved in my face relentlessly as the central focus of a character study for over a year, yet I feel as though I know nothing about who they really are by the time it's concluded, I'm gonna say that character might not be very good.

Mario: I cheered when he appeared at the end of the second movie, but why Chris Pratt?

[sharp-teeth-and-archived]

honorhearted asked : 🎬 for Lydia, if you didn't get it already!

Send me a 🎬 and an oc, and i’ll tell you… / @honorhearted​ -- accepting

how they’d be introduced: 

       The middle of s1 when Ben and Caleb are at camp than traveling around, in the middle of the whole Sackett thing and the forming of the Culper Ring, there is an extra subplot where Ben suspects a spy is in camp and it adds more motivation for why the ring should be formed that if a spy is in the enemy camp, imagine what it would be like outside of camp sort of deal. Lydia shows up right at the tail end of an episode with a cliffhanger vibe to it where she comes up to Sackett and Ben and tells them that she has information on the spy in camp. It’s this twist that gets people on tumblr wondering who she is. (I’m using her main verse for this because it makes the most sense and has less of an impact on the turn timeline overall).

       Her first moment really interacting with Ben is arguing with him lmao.

who the fandom ships them with:

       I feel like at first, people were annoyed and assumed there was going to be a love triangle that would rival the Abe/Anna stuff happening in s1 and something may have been in the works, but seeing the huge dislike of it: the writers scrapped the idea. I feel like Lydia would have more ships in s2 or s3 when her character is given more screen time overall. Ben/Lydia would be the most popular since those two interact the most. 

       But as the turn fandom goes, she’s thrown into a bunch of different ships: Caleb/Lydia, Bradford/Lydia, etc, etc. Even Hewlett/Lydia have a fanfic somewhere. Some small number of people ship Abe/Lydia for an enemies to lovers fanfic, but Ben/Lydia is the most popular. Some people have written characterization pieces for Lydia that show her relationship with Laurence before his death after the turn writers incorporate a flashback of his death to add more development for Lydia’s character to the audience and to show the impact of his death..

why the fandom loves them: 

       At first, the fandom was mixed on if they liked her or not, but as the seasons went on, more became more sympathetic at her and distanced themselves from “Oh she’s just a love interest for Ben (or for this other character).” Either when she punches Bradford or when she roasts Abe in an argument, the fandom all begin to really love her. The fandom loves her for her bravery, the refreshing characterization of her character, and how developed her character is overall with her past. Some might admire the turn writers for trying to incorporate her ADHD in a time where that wasn’t well known and making it realistic to the time period. I have a little headcanon that people would like Lydia a little more by her attire because she was a seamstress before she got involved in the culper ring and something of her making a dress for Anna or Mary would make people warm up to her more.

why the fandom hates them

       Some are really annoyed by her character overall and find her short temper to be childish and they think she is a very whiny character overall that’s just used for filler or for a love interest for whatever canon character. Some people think she’s a copy of another character or find her character to be pointless in the plot because she wasn’t a real figure in history. They also find it unrealistic why she would be in the spy ring anyway.

what the cast relationship would be like:

       Overall, the turn cast seems really close, but I’m not sure if M.erve B.oluğur speaks English. I’m going to assume she does, but I have only seen interviews where she is only speaking in her native language, Turkish. So I’m not sure what her personality is like because of that, but like the rest, she appears in cast photos and interacts with the actors on twitter. I think if the turn writers were going in a romantic route with her and another character, they would try to pair them more often together in photos because: marketing. She would have inside jokes with the cast that she incorporates in her tweets and if she found anything related to the culper ring or any of the turn characters, she would tag the cast member in her post.

       What would be funny as hell would be if Merve and Jamie were close while Abe and Lydia literally hate each other on screen.

what was their audition scene:

       The audition scene would be an argument between Abe and Lydia or an argument between her and Ben, mostly to see where Merve’s range is. The audition scene would be with Seth because Lydia is in camp for almost all of the show’s runtime, and since she’s the codebreaker, she has to interact with Ben a lot for that.

dependent upon the fandom, who they’d be on a press tour/at comic con with

       I don’t think the turn cast even went to comic con or did a press tour? They did some stuff around Richmond, but that location and online seemed their biggest promotion pieces other than individual interviews. Merve would be paired with Seth or any of the main culper ring characters (Heather, Jamie, Daniel, etc) because her character is heavily involved in the ring and in camp. Other than an au, she doesn’t go to Setauket. Maybe for a one off thing, she’s on that one podcast show where they talk about the episode after it aired with Sam, Daniel, Brian, or Meegan (because those are the only ones that were on it lmao) after there was an episode with both of their characters interacting in some way. 

if they spoil things

       I don’t think so? Again, I don’t know much about Lydia’s fc personality, but I doubt it. I’m not entirely sure, but the turn cast seemed to post more photos together than teasers (from what I have seen, I could be wrong). I didn’t get into turn until after it aired when it was still on netflix.

if the show/movie has ended, are they happy with their character’s ending and the ending at large

       So for Lydia’s ending, I guess it depends on if the writers wanted to be entirely historically accurate as they seemed to sorta do in the ending of s4 (outside of Hewlett & Abe, though Abe was a little more accurate). So any love interest she has in a show wouldn’t be endgame if they wanted to go that route, so I think from there, her storyline could go in multiple ways: she ends up single and is mentioned how she has gotten married in Abe’s letter, she’s killed off, or they just leave it open ended. I’m not sure what Merve’s personality is, but I think she would be more pleased with a happy ending than an ending where she’s killed off if she has been a current character for so long in all of the seasons.

[afterlife-2004]

I’m actually one of those weirdos that’s somewhat hoping that by the end of the Sonic Movie 3, Shadow will be adopted by Rachel and Randall, considering, y’know… Randall was established in the second movie that he was a GUN agent

“Just cause Randall is a GUN agent doesn’t mean it’s a guarantee he’ll be in the movie-

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP

sorry to break it to ya, pal

But Randall is a GUN agent

so yeah, we’ll be seeing him in the third movie

And Shadow could actually see JoJo (Tom and Maddie Wachowski’s niece) as a chance to have another sister, he wouldn’t use JoJo as a replacement for Maria, rather he sees JoJo as someone who would’ve been really good friends with her, someone who would’ve been a really good sister to her

EVERYONE GETS THIER OWN CUTE CUDDLY SIDEKICK

“bRo ThEY ArE nOt pLuSHies LeT tHeM LiVe On tHEiR OWn-

except they literally ARE plushies and you cannot convince me otherwise 😭 LMFAOOOO

These people are just jealous that James Marsden gets to adopt Sonic and Friends, and not them 🤭

These people just hate fun

Like in the Archie Comics, we actually get to see Sonic’s biological parents, Jules and Bernie Hedgehog

And in Sonic Underground, there’s also Queen Aleena, the mother of not only Sonic himself, but Sonia and Manic too

So why is Sonic having parents suddenly an issue here? 🤨

oh right, silly me, it’s because the sonic fandom hates humans more than shadow the hedgehog does, i forgor

my bad.

Sonic Movie haters could really care less about good character development, huh 💀

Despite how much they like to claim otherwise…

To say the reason why The Echidna’s showed up in Sonic Movie 1 was “To give Sonic a reason to be in hiding on Earth” is such a gross misunderstanding of what actually happens in the Sonic Movies, these movies are so much more than that

It simultaneously ignores the actual good character development Sonic himself went through in these movies

“the sonic movies definitely feel like something that was made more for the movieverse fans only instead of sonic fans as a whole”

WOW NO FUCKING SHIT

how long did it take for you to figure THAT out 😒

“I want an adaptation of SA2 where Rouge and Amy don’t get their roles stolen by bland ass human characters. By the end of the film, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles will leave earth, leaving Tom and Maddie behind, pretty much abandoning them, never hearing from them ever again. Give it Sonic videogame music, make the characters FEEL like themselves, and overall make it FEEL like a Sonic Movie”

my natural response to that would be…

THEN GO PLAY THE ORIGINAL SONIC ADVENTURE 2 GAME DICKHEAD WHY ARE WE STILL HAVING THIS DISCUSSION?????????

Sometimes people will not like a movie because it simply isn’t targeted towards them, so they make up a bunch of stuff that sounds like critique, as long as you take it at face value…

Much of what surrounds Sonic Twitter Discourse is completely poisoned by people who only want ONE THING, and they lash out when they don’t get it…

“maybe actually give fans what they want”

despite in reality? sonic fans 100% don’t know what they actually fucking want anymore in the slightest 💀

I’ve been saying this for YEARS, ever since I’ve joined Twitter, and I’m so fucking sick and tired of keep having to spew it out for Sonic fans, because you simply can’t please them…

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

HECK! No matter what Sega, or Sonic Team, or Paramount, or WHOEVER will do…

Because in the end? They’ll ultimately say it’s garbage…

So what’s the point? 🤷‍♀️

Movie 1 was about loneliness, Movie 2 was about friendship and trust and Movie 3 looks like it's going to be about anger and grief. I could care less if you dislike the Sonic Movies, but even when Movie 1 came out, even with barely any material in it, everyone connected with the story they told

So they know what they are doing with what they realistically can do and it's working out for them, nobody is supporting a bad storyteller

“sOniC wAs JuSt a BuDDy CoP-

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP

11/16

PART 12 👇

[hamliet]

happy july kate 💖 hope you're doing well. as a long time lurker of your blog, you and your work has slowly highlighted my need to create and work on my creativity, especially when it comes to things i loved to do before such as drawing and writing. ngl it's been hard because ive been comparing myself to other artists and writers. for example i saw someone write this beautiful dragon-pheonix reincarnation fic for their ship. the plot, prose and the way everything intertwined was beautiful (1/?)

(2/?) but i look at myself and can barely muster up the courage to write vecause how could i when there's already people who write and draw that well. a lot of my perfectionism comes from past abuse but the way it's manifesting here is such a pain. therapy has helped in healing but god, im so scared to start. have you ever caught yourself in a similar dilemma?

(3/?) another thing i wanted to ask about is how do you approach incorporating other people's analysis and stuff into your own work? obviously give credit where it's due but im always wondering whether it's worth it to be reiterating the same stuff when someone has already done a comprehensive job of it. i guess an example could be lore related to some kind of show or game.

(4/?) last question but do you ever catch yourself justifying your ship? there's like 50 different reasons you can ship characters,,,, maybe I spend too much on twitter but I feel like I have to justify a lot or at least there's an expectation to do that. it makes it harder for me to enjoy other ships (even the ones i dont care for) because now im expecting others to justify for all the same reasons. perhaps i need a fandom break or need to set better boundaries

lmaosorry for the word vomit in your ask box. it's been bugging me a lot and i didn't know who else to ask this since my friends don't really participate in fandom spaces 😶😶 hope this isn't too much of a bother but thank you for even entertaining my chaotic rambling. have a great weekend 💝

Hi Lurker! Oh, I can relate for sure. I think most writers/artists can.

I'm not sure my advice will be anything you haven't already heard, but I can tell you that by living it I know it's true: write it/draw it anyways. Imperfect, sure. Nothing is perfect, and art is subjective. There are so many needs, and no artpiece can satisfy every soul on this planet.

Do it anyways. Even if it's not perfect. You'll get better and better without even realizing it. You'll have moments where you're like I'M REGRESSING *cries* and then someone will tell you this was their favorite thing ever. Art isn't a static thing you just create and leave alone; it's more like an interactive thing, a living thing even at the risk of sounding super fucking cheesy--because it impacts people in different ways, ways we can't predict when creating it. And the act of creating it will impact you, too.

As for the analysis part, give credit and write it on your own. You learn by writing--sometimes it's fun and you'll realize oh hey, I just uncovered something new as I was writing that I hadn't even thought of!

As for justifying, sometimes? And sometimes not. Less so the older I get, lol, and I don't think it's a great thing ever to feel like you have to morally justify everything from each and every potential dislike. Just accept that other people have different tastes, limits, and preferences--which of course is way easier said than done! Give yourself grace and allow yourself to rant from time to time (privately). Art does affect our emotions, and it's good to express those (just not good to be an asshat about it or judge people for it, but expressing "I don't like this opinion" privately to a friend isn't that).

Twitter is the worst for that, though. Everyone's jockeying to be the Most Moral and Change the World Through Yelling At Others You Don't Even Know on there, and I hate it so much. Even as I, y'know, go on pretty much every day and therefore have no right to complain. I do this to myself. Sue me. I'm human too and def a hypocrite for participating in the Bird Site Madness but oh well.

Wow, that's a tangent. Anyways. We're all just doing the best we can, Lurker. Even if you can't quite bring yourself to start art yet, or to stop comparing, give yourself some grace for that. It doesn't make you a loser and it doesn't mean you never will start. All of us have those moments--moments that seem way longer than they should, I'm afraid.

But you know you want to make something. That's good. You deserve to have your voice heard, to follow what you want. The abilities you want to cultivate deserve time and space to grow. You deserve to make imperfect art because you deserve to be here, because you're alive and life is growing and all people should have their voices heard. <3

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Brain update

First, let me say that this isn't about what anybody has done. My reactions are not in proportion to anything that has happened, and might be considered odd, weird and sensitive to people involved.

So let me explain.

I'm an Aspie (what we call ourselves in Sweden), on the autism spectrum. Yeah, might have guessed that from the story I'm writing, Sidestep is not the only one trying to figure out how people work.

Over the years I have built up an arsenal of knowledge and analysis to be able to pretend to be neurotypical, something that I can manage alright most days, but which breaks down once you get to know me better. I'm open with this at my current job, and luckily both my bosses seem to be okay dealing with open communication and just telling me what I need to do.

It was not always like this, and that is one of the reasons why I had a breakdown and needed to get off discord/tumblr.

Back in the late nineties, I had finally got my dream job. I was a product developer in the food industry, part of a rather small department of middle-class academics. I was the new hire, everyone else had worked there for years, and things were going well. Or so I assumed. I got cool projects, got along well with one of the sales people, and well, my boss was weird but bosses always are.

Three years later. Our parent company wanted to sell us off, everyone was starting to get worried about their job. We tried to expand into things were weren't equipped to do (you don't bring spices into a fruit jam line, will be hell to clean) and while I did the projects, I also raised an (in retrospect) too big stink about the fact that we were wasting time developing things we couldn't produce without expanding. My boss (who I had learned was a devout christian) started to get really weird, I got called in and he wondered if I was a member of a cult (I was often wearing a headscarf at the time because pressure on my head is good for stress relief). I also got told off for wearing army boots to work (we had lab shoes in the lab), because (I kid you not) if we had danish visitors to the lab (we didn't have visitors) they could be offended since they had once been occupied by Nazis. Yes, at the time I was an Antifa metalhead/satanist, it was a very volatile time in sweden and nazis were everywhere. Now they're a political party, go figure.

It all came to a head when I was confronted with a folder one of the secretaries of the department had where she had written down every odd and strange thing that I did, and there were a lot of accusations of things I quite frankly blocked out. Around this time I was suffering from bad burnout, had memory loss, my hair was falling out and I lost two bikes because I forgot where I parked them. All because of workplace hostility.

So for the first time ever, I went to the company doctor, who immediately sent me on a one month sick leave, and gave a reference to a therapist. When I went and told my boss, his reaction was "It can't be anything at work," in a dismissive tone. I wrote my resignation right then and there, left the building, snuck back a Saturday to clean out my stuff so I didn't have to meet anyone. Luckily I was backed up by my union, so I got unemployment despite quitting, and the therapist helped me get back on my feet and hook me up with some antidepressants.

Still, I was a wreck for years.

At the time, I had NO idea I was an Aspie. It weren't talked about, the only thing I knew about Autism, was from the various portrayals in movies, and well, in the nineties you can guess. Rainman pretty much was it.

What destroyed me the most was not that people disliked me, I didn't like them either, we didn't have anything in common, and middle-class people always scared me. No, what broke me was the fact that my system failed.

See, I had built up myself over ten years into someone I wanted to be. Smart. Capable. Metalhead. Researcher. Activist. I thought I knew the rules. How to interact.

It turned out I knew nothing. People had been talking behind my back for years, and I didn't know. Getting annoyed by my ticks, and I had no idea. Nobody ever brought anything up to my face until it exploded one day out of the blue. This is why I have ranted about anons on this tumblr. This is why I have been so openly against passive aggressive posts and bullying, especially the anonymous kind, because it destroys people and I don't think the people who does it knows the impact they can have. I hope they don't.

I have never gone back to the lab. I can't. I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it when I'm writing this. I retrained. Became a machinist. Back to the working class I came from. Eventually started writing.

And this is exactly what these last months have felt like.

I thought I understood things. I was pretty open with being old, an Aspie, not understanding memes, or humor, or tik tok, or certain aspects of people's behavior like jealousy, but the problem with joking about this is that it's so easy to take as just a joke. That I'm just making fun of myself (oh it's that too). I got advice from some of you, which I ignored, because I thought that I could be different. That there was no danger in getting close. That I could be just another voice in the crowd. An occasionally evil avocado. That this couldn't blow up in my face, that everything was cool.

And then it did. And I was wrong. And the talking started, and things were coming out that I had no idea that was going on. That I was being held responsible for. Opinions that were spoken in my name. Events I was supposed to have been aware of and supported. All of a sudden I was omniscient, aware of the true passive aggressive meaning of every reblog, aware of every post in every room in the discord I wasn't even running. Wasn't even a mod on. All of a sudden I had power, and I had used it to hurt people. The people I cared about. Everything I wrote was taken in the worst possible way, twisted into things I never meant, and the more I tried to talk to people, the worse it went.

Look. I know this was at heart a war between people that just doesn't like each other and the things they do/the ways they behave. I'm still not entirely sure who's been involved, and I'm not interested in finding out. I tried to build a supportive space, reblog everyone's art and fics, encourage people to make their own things, get a kofi, get some money, make some friends.

And herein lies my problem.

I thought I understood how to be, and now I don't. I have no idea who hates my guts and who doesn't (well, except some who has very vocally let me know). I can't trust anything. I can't trust anyone. And it sucks. Someone I trusted stabbed be in the back because they were convinced I stabbed them in the back and that sucks more than I can describe. Every time I make a comment on AO3 or twitter it's after psyching myself up for half an hour, and I'm usually a wreck afterwards, because my brain doesn't know if they hate me too, and if I am imposing on them and making their day bad.

So yeah. I need to figure out how to be. How not to have a nausea attack every time I accidentally click open tumblr from pure reflex, looking away from the screen just not to see how may messages I have.

I never wanted to be the aloof author, but maybe I have to be. The question is if I can. I have been told I can't comment on pics or fics, because then I have favorites. And that makes people jealous. And it makes people think I take sides. I have been told I can't be on the discord, because then I will be held responsible for what the mods do there, and everything that's said even when I'm not around. I should apparently have someone manage the tumblr, it's not something that I, an author should do.

I now understand the authors who just stay away and remain distant, because people give themselves the power to write the narrative for you.

Part of me wants to tell people what I've told my current bosses, don't assume, just talk to me. I don't pick up/do passive aggression, I don't understand hints, I have trouble with nuance, I don't listen to gossip, I don't interact enough to know anything that's going on. Just ask before assuming.

Except that right now I can't. I can't talk about any of this. It's too close. It sets me off. It's getting better, sure, I'm on medication again, but the smallest thing still can ruin my entire day. I have no idea how long it will take me to recover and come back to some semblance of normality. I'm not posting this myself (my partner does). Writing is going well, because it lets me not be myself. I need those walls again. The therapy of writing about pain.

I'll rebuild them. I'm not entirely sure who I'll be on the other end of it. We'll see.

I have consciously not spoken about any details because those could be misunderstood, this is not a passive aggressive callout to anybody. I have no hard feelings towards anyone, I am not angry or upset, just confused and sad. I am truly so very, very, very sorry that I've hurt people, both by action and inaction. It was never my intention. I will do my best to do better in the future.

Still working on how to do that.

[shinahbee]

February Favs 2021

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GREETINGS

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March 6. 2021

Hello!

Another month has passed by really quickly, maybe because February had only 28 days.

This month also was lunar new years or Chinese New Year, so happy new year to all of you who celebrate it! Our household celebrated safely with just my family, in previous years we would celebrate with extended families, but of course every one’s safety is important.

There was also Valentine’s Day, which I helped my sister make some cheese tarts for her boyfriend as a gift. I’ve been working on a few things, including art for more of my manhwa recommendations, but I’ll put that on hold for now and work on a few for some recent anime that I have been watching. I feel like I’m winding down when it comes to filtering the shounen ai manhwa, there really isn’t much that I have read currently that I want to really want to share.

There are some of the ones that are popular that I dropped, I named two of them in my last favorites, but there have been a lot more since then, if you’d like I could add another segment under the hell segment that talk about the ones I dropped and why I dropped them, I feel like if someone had similar thoughts to a certain manhwa and why they dislike the content , It would honestly help me filter out a lot of the ones I never really should have read, if that makes any sense.

Not instagram though...it keeps showing me the pictures of manhwa that I dropped ...I’m like omg instagram your algorithm is screwed...I don’t even like these.lol. Thus this is how it thought of the new segment idea. I feel like I’m adding a lot to this segment alone.lol.

So how is everything going for all of you? Anything exciting happening? I’ll keep you guys updated when something good happens, but there is nothing currently. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense blabbering.

Enjoy reading!

Sheena

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DRAMAS:

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No dramas this month to talk about.lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS:

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Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (Completed)

6) Here u are (Completed)

7) BJ Alex (Completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

9) Unintentional love story (ongoing)

10) Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

11) Semantic Error (ongoing)

12) Tied up in Twins (Completed)

13) My Suha (ongoing)

14) Crash into me (Completed)

15) Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

16) Inner beauty (Completed)

17) False memories (Completed)

18) Hand in Hand (Completed)

19) Stanning 101 (ongoing)

20) Private lessons (Completed)

21) Behind the scenes (Completed)

22) Turn off the camera (Ongoing)

Updates on ongoing titles:

So I thought I would start off with some updates on some of the titles in the recap section since it has been a while since I last talked about them.

No way vampires don’t exist:

This is almost done soon so I’m glad that the manhwa updates are consistent, what I didn’t know is that there were extra chapters of side stories for this manhwa, and I discovered them through a Chinese manga site, I really hope the licensed site will be able to translate these as well cause it goes into the later lives of all the housemates and of course an in depth development of juwon and dongha’s relationship which I am living for since they are so cute. Lol.

I really hope these get translated since my Chinese is lacking, I’ve just seen the raws and thought I may be able to read them but of course my 8 years of Chinese school has failed me once again.

Dine with a vampire:

This manhwa is giving me so much gripe when discussing the story so far, the recent update of course was a little better in showing the relationship between chi hwan and sooin, so i’m happy they got their feelings across to each other and sooin was able to really begin to trust people again. BUT....I was spoiled by the raws for this week’s update, and let me give a big F*CK you to that harry potter asshole...I still don’t know his name, i think my memory did me a favor and selectively removed it for my mind. I obviously can’t spoil all of  it for you but stuff happens and harry potter has found his way to sooin and basically kidnapped him while he was vulnerable and he’s trying to make him his partner...I’m like...great...In all honesty let’s look at this situation in modern society, think about a person who had made your life living hell, who then dies and you think that’s the end of it , but this asshole still haunts you even after death and still tormenting you...i’m not going to lie, I honestly think I would just kill myself at this point.

I feel like when I first read this manhwa , I thought it was disgusting but I still read it thinking that it will be better, it’s like watching season one of a show and being annoyed hoping that it will get better later and then finding out in season two is just...I need anger management.

I really hope what I think might happen will not but the author seems to be a sadist, so it might end up that way. Props to the creator for making one of the most detestable characters i’ve seen so far. I will watch out for people like this in my actual life.

Semantic Error:

This is updating a little slow and again I tried reading the raws, but of course that didn’t go too well, from what i’ve seen there is a bit of character development between the two main leads so far. Also I’ve seen on twitter that semantic error is going to get a mini anime adaptation, in Korean of course but that is so awesome either way! This is one of the manhwa’s I would like to see an anime of because it’s really good.

In terms of Japanese anime seiyuu who would play these roles I wonder? Sungwoo I feel like anyone can since he’s very ambiguous, but for jaeyoung, I think I’d like to hear sakurai takahiro ( cloud from ff7, miyuki kazuya from daiya no ace) play him, in all honesty it’s because of his role as miyuki in daiya no ace, jaeyoung is basically the same character but more intense.lol.

Turn off the Camera:

Oh this piece of work, i’m glad this is completely satire because if I were to take this story seriously I would have an aneurysm thinking about all the bad choices these people have been making. So recently, our boy jihoon who wanted to protect his virginity from the two co-stars has finally lost it to yoojin, one of the co-stars. I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t know about him because his intentions are still very unknown, and I agree that I don’t know what his intentions are but from what I've seen, it’s not like he treats jihoon badly, he won’t do anything that jihoon would not like so i’m not opposed to it, but I really would like to see romantic development between jihoon and yohan because of how straight forward yohan is, he isn’t hiding his intentions and says whatever is on his mind, it’s reassuring knowing that there’s nothing he would hide.

Jihoon doesn’t really seem interested but it’s more like that push and pull relationship, where despite him not seeming interested he still had a wet dream about having sex with him...lol. Where as with yoojin, Jihoon does not oppose to having intimacy with him. So we’ll see how this dumpster fire plays out as it continues. I absolutely HATE love triangles cause this whole concept alone is so unrealistic, it’s hard enough to get ONE person interested in me, this dude has like 2 without really doing anything. Also it’s just really messy and annoying to read and I always want to route for the guy who never wins.lol.

This is merely a suggestion, but I feel like authors should make alternative endings with different characters, if you think about this in a realistic perspective, you can end up with different people depending on the decisions you make, which is why harems exist in this genre, because there is not just one person you can love, and how alternative timelines can exist. So if the author would consider this idea and make alternative endings for the main character, then I would feel more satisfied with the story overall, because i’m always wondering what if...he ends up with this person ? What would that be like? This only applies to love triangles where abuse doesn’t happen, because there’s no way I would be happy with an abuse victim ending up with their abuser...

Anyways, that is all the updates that I have for you, in this heaven segment I’m going to talk about some titles that I don’t really think is that popular but I decided to read them after reading the summary and they turned out better than I thought.

In the hell segment, I’m going to be discussing some manhwa titles that are a bit “ quirky” you know in my hero academia where these kids were each born with a super power, seem like some of these manhwa characters also have unique abilities, which I will refer to as “ quirks” in this segment. Let me tell you...there are some interesting ones out there.

So let’s begin.

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Welcome to heaven

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Murderous Lewellyn Candelit Dinner:

“Shevon is a writer who lives in a run-down apartment in the streets of the slums. One day, strange memos start showing up at his front door. Before he can uncover the mystery behind them, he encounters a beautiful young man that keeps peeling onions on the staircase next to his unit. After accepting a dinner invitation from the young man, Shevon discovers a dead body in his host’s bedroom...”

Okay so starting off with this one, it’s very different than the usual types that I would read. This story is more of a mystery drama with implied romance, but I have yet to see that happening in the story so far. It is fairly new so I suppose it will be a slow development. Like the summary for the manhwa says, it is a about a guy named Shevon, who I believe is a writer that is trying to get a job at a writing firm, but he ended up free lancing for a while with no luck of getting a paid job. He was being harassed by an ex boyfriend when he encounters his neighbor that is sitting on the stairs peeling onions. Since that day, Shevon would always run into his neighbor peeling onions while exchanging small talk with him, which makes him curious about why he does this at the same time each day, one day his neighbor wanted to invite him over for dinner and Shevon obliged due to being curious and other advances the neighbor has made to get his attention. As he went up to his neighbor's apartment he noticed that he had a bunch of candles lining every inch of his apartment and there was a very strong smell coming from here. Lewellyn (neighbor) just says that it was the onions that he had been peeling, he wanted to use them for tonight's dinner. Shevon didn’t want to just eat onions...I mean who does. So he told him that he will make him a proper meal instead. So he was in the kitchen making food when the door bell rang and Lewellyn went to check who it was. Shevon didn’t see him for a while and decided to just head back to the dining area, but before he could head there the smell from earlier was getting stronger and he noticed it coming from a certain room, he opened it and there lays a dead corpse surrounded by candles covered in blood. Being shocked accidentally took the candle he used to light up the room and left the room; just as Lewellyn entered he said he had to leave for the day.

After that incident there were suspicious activities involving Shevon’s apartment, such as the name plate on his door being moved, the feeling of being watched when he was alone in the room, and some creepy mail he had been receiving, which all points to the fact that he had a stalker.

Shevon starts to suspect Lewellyn as a murderer because of the obvious corpse found in his apartment, but there was no evidence he could find to report him, meanwhile the stalking had been getting worse he found himself getting more entangled with Lewellyn than he’d like to be.

So yeah, it was really creepy when you read those letters, so far we knew Lewellyn is involved in some sort of murder and although he has been helping Shevon find the suspect he himself is also one as well. It’s still too early to make judgments as to what actually is going on, there’s a lot of mystery behind Lewellyn that isn’t explained yet.

So if you like murder mysteries you might like this manhwa, I don’t see any romance involving them yet, but maybe curiosity will lead to something eventually.

Unripened Expression:

“Jaewon has known that he likes males since he confessed his feelings to a boy named Yoonsung in elementary school, but when Yoonsung tells him that liking other boys is weird, Jaewon tries to hide his "weird" feelings and push them away. Now in high school, he's developed a strong crush on his kind, handsome classmate Karam, and Jaewon decides it's time to finally confront the reality that he might be gay. He asks for advice over the internet and befriends another gay student named Junseo, who becomes Jaewon's emotional support in his quest to win Karam's heart.”

So for this one it was not listed as a harem but it actually is, all the guys you see on the cover is related to the main character so how. I usually don’t like harems in any genre, but this one wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually every guy in here was a good contender and I was not upset with who he chose in the end even though it would be obvious in the first chapter who he would end up with...lol. and you know me, always picking the “ other guy” in these situations, I really do have bad second lead syndrome.

They guy I wanted him the end up with is named “ junseo ” he’s the gay friend that jaewon the main character met on an online forum while asking questions about his sexuality, they felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers but not give their identity away to each other. Jaewon realizes that from talking to Junseo that he went to the same school he did, coincidently, and found out his identity through his friend. Junseo didn’t want to associate with jaewon but he was really persistent. Junseo then gave up and decided to listen to jaewon whenever he wanted to talk.

Junseo had some trauma in the past involving a ex boyfriend and getting bullied at school when someone found him kissing his boyfriend in a room and started spreading rumors of them together, but instead of just denying it, his ex boyfriend accused junseo of leading him on and that’s why junseo ended up being bullied and shut himself off from people, even though he forced to leave school cause of all the bullying he endured he still understood why his ex boyfriend did that, everyone had to protect themselves first after all.

After opening up to jaewon and telling him his story, jaewon cried because he was sorry he had to go through that. Junseo was happy that someone would cry for him, who had just accepted everything until now. Their time together lead to some feelings developing between jaewon and him but although jaewon is aware he has feelings for junseo, it doesn’t compare to the feelings he had for karam..Which is the guy he ended up with.

Okay. Compared to karam who didn’t have much development, junseo had a much better chance to be perfectly honest. It’s not that I don’t like karam, he just didn’t have much back up story to convince me that his feelings for jaewon is real. Lol

But I guess that’s the trope in these types of manhwa right? The Main character always ends up with the guy that he meets first...OMG. Come on authors ...work with me here and try something different for once. Anyways, it’s all good it’s not like any of them were sexually harassing and/or abusing jaewon so I’m happy with whoever he chose.

If you are into harems with good characters, you might like this one.

Oh! My Assistant: (18 +)

“Naive comic artist Seonho, who draws R-19 series, hires beauty(?)-and-brains Muyoung with outstanding skills to be his assistant. However, working with Muyoung who is too task-oriented and has a prickly temperament, turns out to be a little difficult. Seonho asks Muyoung to pose for him one day to help with a sexy scene, but when he sees how erotic Muyoung's pose is, Seonho's "junior"... that hasn't stood in 2 years, got up. It's hard! It got hard! It finally got hard! This is an unpredictable, comical and chest-tickling BL story brought to you by Milla and Yalgae!”

The first thing that came to my mind was Oh! My goddess... LOL let me know if you guys have ever watched that anime, i’m really showing my age with that comment.

Anyways, so this is about an adult mahwa artist named Seonho and he was getting really popular and needed an assistant to help with his busy scheduled serialization. He held an interview with a couple of selected candidates after viewing their portfolio, and of course muyoung was chosen out of all for his pristine work. Of course there was several conditions that muyoung had listed in exchange to work here, most of which applies to a 9 to 5 job, but of course artists out there know that we make our own time...we don’t have a scheduled work hours, but of course seonho needed a person soon and he liked muyoung’s work so he hired him under those conditions.

Muyoung was actually the heir to a prosperous kimchi making firm and did not need money because he was already wealthy, but his grandmother wanted him to have some independence and so muyoung wanted to look for a normal job to get his grandma off his back. He quickly learns that not everything that you ask for will be complied there are times where you will need to work late for a dead line and such.

This made muyoung wonder if he should just quit, the only reason he doesn’t is because he liked seonho. He liked seonho since he first laid eyes on him as he is exactly his type.

Without realizing it seonho also thought muyoung is attractive and ended up in situations with him that are presumed romantic. In the end, the two of them ended up together, but of course there’s always an inconvenience that disrupts this romantic development, and this came in the form of his best friend, who is by the way married to a woman, but as you know in BL...that doesn’t matter...

His best friend was actually in love with him for a very long time and the marriage was just a family arrangement that he had no say in. He tried to separate muyoung and his seonho by trying to convince muyoung to quit several times and even got into an accident and used this as an opportunity to guilt trip muyoung to stay by his side.

He basically just said that he would die if muyoung left him alone...now, here is some advice from me, if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, you have no control over what a person does and you are not responsible for any of their actions, so call their bluff on it.

This incident caused some strife between muyoung and seonho’s relationship to the point where it was getting pointless for seonho to keep up something that not working, he wanted to break up with muyoung but after talking to muyoung’s grandmother he decided not to since what muyoung needs is his support at this moment. So they overcame it and muyoung made it clear to his best friend that he had no feelings towards him and that he only loves seonho, which made the friend only, had to accept it. So in the end muyoung and seonho moved in together and continued working as a mahwa company, and even hired a new assistant who strikingly had the same conditions as muyoung when he was first hired.

Lol. In the end this story worked out great, and it was really good read, the drama was minimal though that friend of his was an inconvenience. It was an overall a good story and the relationship development was really cute since muyoung was in love with seonho first, I’ve never seen that happened before actually, so if you like all of my recommendations so far you will like this one as well.

The Good Teacher: (18 +)

“Hojun’s recent breakup was pretty rough. His partner told him it wasn’t him, per say… Hojun just wasn’t good in bed. But it turns out Drunk Hojun is surprisingly resourceful; singlehandedly managing to find and set himself up with a sex tutor by the name of Mr. Ahn. Ahn Seunghyun was only half serious when he posted the sex tutor ad, but he quickly finds himself in too deep to call the lessons off. And the more he sees Hojun, the more he can’t help but notice how much attractive he is. Seunghyun is making it up as he goes along, so what will the final exam look like?”

This is basically “Sex for dummies” .LOL. I don’t know how your sex education went in school, but for me all I remember is that the teachers would leave he girls in classroom where they took the guys out and talked to them about masturbation. So needless to say I didn’t have much of a sex education until later in life. Or you can read this manhwa which basically taught me more that my sex ed teacher ever did.lol.

So basically Ahn seunghyun ( Mr. Ahn) was drinking with his friends and thought that they would pull a prank by posting an ad for a sex tutor, not thinking that anyone would fall for it. But Hojun found the ad and took his chances to reach out to seunghyun, so he decided to play along for the first meeting to see who he was dealing with, he made fake lesson plans and prepare a lot in order to make him sound convincing as a teacher. What started off as a joke became very educational for hojun whom had very little sexual experience and how his previous partners would claim him being very bad in bed. Seunghyun had a lot of patience and taught him from the ground up. I’m not going to lie, this was pretty educational and I think Mr. Ahn looking really fine does not help either.

So as the lessons progress they began to have feelings for each other, one thing that doesn’t add up is the fact the seunghyun is not a n actual teacher to begin with, although he did his research before every lesson he was not a an educator in trade, so he didn’t tell hojun the truth until the end and they had a fight, but made up quickly right after when they both realized their feelings for each other.

Now you’re probably wondering if there is a third wheel in this relationship, well there is a guy who is seunghyun’s ex boyfriend, he was a little bit of an inconvenience but not really causing too much trouble, just enough to make hojun a little jealous, the only thing he was out of line for saying was that three of them should have a threesome...LMAO not with you f*cker you look like Tarzan...lol. Hell no!

I say that but there is a special chapter at the end where hojun was having a nightmare where the three of them did have a three some and it was gross...i’m like wtf he’s so ugly...I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is hot.

Yeah take this as you will, if you lack sexual education I recommend this mahwa to educate yourself cause lord knows when that will be when you get proper education for that. If you liked reading BJ Alex, you may like this one because of the similar art style, if not then just read it for Mr. Ahn..cause he is so fine...lol.

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Welcome to hell

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*Warning *

These titles are suitable for 18+ audiences, because of the mature content in discussion, you have been warned.

So finally onto the hell segment for this month! This month we will be discussing some of the quirky titles, people born with unusual abilities, I have come across a few of them and from that I chose these three to talk about since their stories alone are interesting in many ways.

Whether these stories are satiric or serious, I enjoyed finding out by reading these more hellish stories. So here we go...starting off with...

My purrfect boss:

“Sunwoo is thrilled to be starting his new job! Full of energy and enthusiasm, he’s eager to please Manager Kang. The problem is, he keeps making dumb mistakes and getting in trouble. Things come to a head one night after work when he pours soju all over his boss. Typical! But hang on… Why is Manager Kang blushing like that? And what are those cat ears sprouting from his head?! After discovering his boss’ secret, it isn’t long before Sunwoo has him purring with pleasure.”

Let me start by saying that the funniest thing in this manhwa is that Mr. kang has both cat ears and human ears...lol. How is that possible?

So basically in this story manager kang is an anthromorph, which are humans with animal characteristics, they only make up of the minority of the population. He is basically a human with cat characteristics and has hidden his identity until sunwoo spooked him and his ears popped up from being surprised. This seems to be his “quirk” and of sunwoo being really innocent only wanted to find out what he was, then was caught by Mr. Kang having his heat cycle and sunwoo was dragged into the meeting room where he and the manager had jerked each other off.

Mr kang needs the cone of shame after the next day realizing what he and sunwoo had done. He started to avoid him until they were set up on a business trip together, in which they had to spend the night in the same hotel room. Manager kang looked apologetic for having sex with him just cause he was in heat but sunwoo said that he wasn’t repulsed by it and actually enjoyed it, therefore manager kang proposed they do it again...and so they did...lol. Many times after that too.

And sunwoo became a furry. The end. lol. I’m kidding, but sunwoo really liked manager kang and decided to make it official with him, they decided to see each other but not make it public since he was scared. Later there was another manager from another department who participated in a joint project and that other manager is also an anthromorph and knows manager kang as well. This manager cha was like an ex boyfriend but he calls himself his “owner”. He tried to force manager kang into this abusive play and now he’s scared of him. But even knowing that sunwoo didn’t really give up on manager kang but instead gave him courage to confront his fears and stand up for himself, and if anything it made him love him even more. Even if sunwoo didn’t know much about manager kang the way the other manager did, manager kang listed out all of his favorite things to him so that he does know now.

I really like this part of the story, just because a person’s past partners know more about the person you are dating doesn’t mean they know everything, people’s preferences can change over time and all you have to do is ask. So i’m glad they communicated with each other.

So in the end, sunwoo and manager kang was able to be together and he was thankful for having sunwoo in his life. There’s a lot that happens in between but you’ll have to figure that out on your own by reading it.lol. Can’t say that this story is relatable since I don’t have feline features but it was an interesting read in the end.

The Sales Departments Cupid:

“'Taejun', who has the ability to see auras from people who have been in contact with him since childhood, connects with people with similar auras, and at his company he is known as 'the Cupid of the Sales Department'. Then, Hongyeon, a new employee with a rainbow-colored aura, approaches Taejun...”

In this manhwa, Taejun’s quirk is that he has the ability to see people's auras in the form of colours and that way he matches people by the compatibility from complimentary colours between two people’s auras. This is why he is the match maker of the sales department, because anyone who he consults ends up married happily with their partner. The only thing taejun can’t see is his own aura which made him feel like he will be forever alone, Until the new employee Hongyeon showed up and started a conversation with taejun at a drinking party. There was a slight issue though...taejun also has this uncanny ability to kiss anyone who is in close proximity to him when he drinks, and hongyeon was told to sit next to him by his supervisor, basically they wanted to sacrifice him.lol.

But this development made hongyeon very happy and they kissed and did other things after wards. Taejun didn’t really notice it when he was drunk but took notice that hongyeon had a rainbow like aura emitting from him. Which he had never seen before.

I find it really cute to see people’s auras but not your own, which means nothing can be predicted in terms of who you end up with, but why was he able to see hongyeon with a rainbow aura?

Makes me think that is an indication that he is the “one” for him. This concept is really cute and the relationship between hongyeon and taejun started off really romantic for just having a first encounter, after things progressed they started to catch feelings for each other.

This manhwa is still ongoing so I’m not sure how and when it will end, but really liking it so far, even with the crazy amount of sex scenes, I can still feel the intimacy between to two characters and it’s not just showing sex for the sake of it. This is a really cute story so please read it if you are curious!

Pearl Boy:

“ Do shik is a host who ran away with a large sum of money and has a bunch of people chasing him down, he fled to the country side to lay low for a while and noticed that he was essentially running out of funds to survive. He tried to pick up a few men in hopes of getting some money for his services, but none have been taking the bait. He noticed a clam grilling restaurant and thought he would try his luck in getting a free meal, the boss of the restaurant over heard doshik’s plans and told his worker to pay attention to him in case he runs away. the restaurant’s worker jin juha was aware of his schemes and stopped him from eating and running at the very last minute, saying that he should make it up by paying with his “ body” doshik thought that meant sexual favors and began to touch juha inappropriately. Before juha says that wasn’t what he meant, there was a bunch of men coming towards the restaurant, which made juha panic and forced doshik to leave and forget about paying. After doshik left he was loitering around the restaurant and noticed the back alley had an entry way to the back of the restaurant, there he saw something that he should not have seen.....”

Shameless plug before we begin here, I did draw a fanart of juha from pearl boy if you would like to see it please do so, I explained in the summary that I would write my own synopsis since the one i found was really bad.lol.

I wrote a little summary of the plot up till now below:

so it goes Boss  sexual abuse juha by making him work as a sex toy for old ugly bastards -> juha has ability to produce pearls from cuming after sex lol. i’m sorry this seems so absurd, but it is how the story goes, which the boss monopolizes him -> juha can’t run away because he is scared and owes boss money  juha was about to be assaulted by the ugly bastards-> doshik shows up and saves him a couple times and ends up working at the shop as a co worker-> juha and doshik get to know each other after doshik saves him a couple times juha asks doshik to have sex with him ( in order to produce pearls for debt payment) -> doshik discovers juha’s ability but thought it was beads coming out of his body...LOL. he actually thought he had kidney stones and was genuinely concerned ->  doshik had a pearl that he found at the beach earlier on and used it to compare to the bead that came out of juha and found out it as an actual pearl after getting it appraised by the bank person ->juha met up with doshik and wanted to tell him he wanted him to come over again cause he liked doing it with him -> juha and boss confront each other and boss is angry he didn't show up meet his business partners that night that juha and doshik were together -> juha says that he’s only going to pay it off by himself with his one partner, he didn't tell boss it was doshik, but i think he found out later -> juha and doshik became roommates ->Boss goes to doshik’s old work place to find out more about him

And that is the summary until the official licensed chapters, so I have a lot to say about this manhwa, since this one has been on my mind for a while, but juha’s “quirk” is to make pearls by cuming after sex.lol. Firstly that must hurt, it really would feel like having kidney stones wouldn’t it? It sounds so absurd to say “my ability is to cum pearls” although it’s quite unique, not really sure if you’d save any one with that power.

So the reason why I couldn’t tell if this manhwa is satirical or serious because the whole plot started off with juha being used as a sex toy for crusty old men, these people were getting paid by the boss to basically have sex with juha in order for him to produce pearls, it’s sounds so far-fetched when you explain this to someone, it sounds like some hentai plot line with ugly ass b*stards...but it’s not just one, it’s like 10 of them...so imagine the ugliest being you’ve ever seen in anime/manga but x10...

That freaken boss, I get that some of you would see him and simp over him cause he looks hot but he’s a terrible person, looks can’t begin to compromise for his actions, he’s involved with sex trafficking and sexual abuse, that alone is enough for me to hate this person. So just keep that in mind if you decided to read this.

That aside, he complains and hurts juha because he does not produce quality pearls after having sex with all those men...and i’m like can you blame him? Satirical point of view speaking, you only gave him crusty old ugly ass men to work with, i’m surprised he produced any at all, if you want quality then get better looking men, look at how much he made with doshik...doesn’t that tell you anything?...ugh. the idiocy...

Speaking of doshik, I really like his ballsy character, when one of the crusty ass men was assaulting juha he literally grabbed the ugly ass’s balls and says he will take care of it for him, since he’s good at this stuff. Lol. He is an awesome character and he cares so much for juha, even in the beginning when they were not close and always ended up arguing, he would be genuinely worried for him. Fast forward when juha and doshik were getting close and juha wanted to have sex with doshik instead of the dudes he was supposed to meet that night, doshik really showed how much he liked him and handled him gently and sweetly, I honestly blush every time they have any sort of intimacy, I could feel their affection projecting off of my screen, it’s really sweet. If you can’t tell I simp so hard for this couple and will probably continue to do so. You’ll need to read the manhwa to know what I’m saying but their love scenes are really passionate and affectionate. This of course makes me believe that juha was a person who only knew what pain and suffering was due to his situation and that led to his cold and indifferent expressions early in the manhwa, but after meeting doshik his expressions begin to soften and you can tell as a reader that he starting to develop feelings for doshik. The author actually drew an illustration on her twitter that was quite symbolic to the recent chapters and where the story was going, and I decided to write an entire tumblr post, breaking down the symbolism and foreshadowing in her art. If you’d like to read that post I’ll link it down below.

This manhwa is fairly new and currently is still ongoing so there is very much a lot of stuff to unravel as it continues down the line. Please read this if you have not you won’t be disappointed, I thought this was going to be some satire bull shit and I was proven so wrong... lol.

Alright, that is it for the manga and webtoons section this week, we ended off with the theme of “quirks” in time for spring when My hero academia season 5 will be starting again in the spring.

I hope you all are enjoying reading this since I don’t have any feed back after doing this every month. I do enjoy sharing these since not many people talk about manga/webtoons and I feel like this topic should be more popular. Like I said in the beginning please let me know if you’d like to see the titles of manhwa that I dropped and why I dropped it, in case there are some you are not sure whether or not to read it and would like some feedback, I don’t beat around the bush when I don’t like something so you can be sure that my opinions are 100% genuine.

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ANIME

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Kemono Jihen:

“When a series of animal bodies that rot away after a single night begin appearing in a remote mountain village, Inugami, a detective from Tokyo who specializes in the occult, is called to investigate.

While working the case, he befriends a strange boy who works in the field every day instead of going to school. Shunned by his peers and nicknamed "Dorota-bou" after a yokai that lives in the mud, he helps Inugami uncover the truth behind the killings but supernatural forces are at work, and while Dorota-bou is just a nickname, it might not be the only thing about the boy that isn't human.”

- Summary from my anime list

I started watching this because it reminded me of old series like inuyasha, and I thought I would try it out. I think it��s interesting so far, half demons living among-st the humans and a group of them are solving cases together, this is only my understanding so far. I think that main character is in need of some development because I can’t really read his expressions very well so he doesn’t have much of a personality. I’m not really getting the whole plot as of yet, but maybe when this show is over I’ll have a better understanding.

I’m not going to lie, there is nothing that is intriguing me in terms of new anime series, I have watched the same ones I talked about last month, plus this one. I am waiting for attack on titan to finish before watching it all at once. I don’t think waiting every week for a new episode is something I can do for this series.

I am also waiting for shaman king to show in the spring, I loved shaman king when I was younger and I really want to revisit this series since it was one of my favorites. Also my hero academia season 5 is in the spring as well, so looking forward to seeing that.

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MUSIC/PODCASTS:

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Music for this month is mainly a playlist called dandelions playlist, this YouTube channel has a plethora of indie k-pop music and I love listening to this while painting and drawing, it really relaxes the mind.

I did say in the last months’ favorites that would maybe include some podcasts that I have been listening to and it’s also on YouTube as well

This one is not a podcast, but she may as well have one since she has really interesting takes on bad movies, her channel name is KennieJD, and she talks about bad movies in her series called “bad movies in a beat” I watched a lot of them and I really like the one she did on the “death note” live action movie, this is why I avoided watching that movie, being a huge fan of death note back in the day. All the things she said in her video are valid and I whole heartedly agree with all of it.

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So you have reached the end! Congrats!

I hope everything was informative and if you decided to read/watch any of the things mentioned in my favorites for this month, please let me know down below what you thought about it,

I also am doing a draw 6 characters challenge so if you’d like to participate please see that post on my tumblr page for details!

With that being said, please take care of your selves, we are still in the mist of this pandemic and I hope you are all well and taking care of your selves and your loved ones.

I’ll see you in the next monthly favorites.Thank you for reading,

Sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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[nevertherose]

One Hundred Seconds to Midnight: Chapters 1-8

"All Roman wanted to do was take Logan on a Doctor Who LARP within the Imagination.

But with Thomas's Sides at their figurative breaking point after the disastrous wedding, the Imagination may just have a few ideas of her own..."

Hello, Tumblr fanders, it has been a while since I've poked around in here...mostly because, I've been writing another story!

Do you like Sanders Sides? Do you like Doctor Who? Do you like the idea of the Sides playing Doctor Who characters? If so, this story was written especially for you.

I found that the process of cross-posting Mahogany and Teakwood across three platforms, one chapter at a time, involved a lot of me spending too many hours squinting at html code. Not especially fun. This time around, I've only been posting on AO3 and Wattpad.

But I wanted it to exist here as well.

So! Today I'm going to post the first half (in two posts, because apparently Tumblr has a post size limit, who knew?), all the chapters that are up so far. Then, when the whole story is up on the other platforms, I'll post the other half.

Of course, you could head to either AO3 or Wattpad, if you want to read as the chapters go up.

But if you're like me, and like to read stories in nice, big, juicy chunks...here you go:

One Hundred Seconds to Midnight

Chapter 1- The Eleventh Hour

“Who are you?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m still cooking.”

Midnight.

The witching hour.

Or was that 3AM? Roman wondered. No, that’s the devil’s hour…damn it, Virgil! You had to get them all mixed up!

It was nearly midnight on the Imagination’s border.

Moonlight, pearlescent and brighter than it could ever shine in the real world, streamed feather-light through the tall windows on Roman’s side of the Dream Palace. It made patterns of light and shadow over the black marble floors, made nighttime caricatures of the white ivory statues that lined the corridor.

Roman’s heeled boots echoed in the silence; Logan’s dress shoes, in comparison, were whisper-quiet.

Logan himself had been uncharacteristically quiet since they entered this place, Roman noted, glancing back. Normally by now the logical Side would have asked a million questions, made a million plans, or be several bullet points into a lecture about palace construction or the history of measurement units or some other nerdy, obscure subject.

And Roman would either pretend to be annoyed, or would interject witty counterpoints to make Logan stop and bluster and…

But not tonight.

Maybe he’s nervous about being here, Roman told himself, smoothing a hand over his red sash. He’s only pointed out a million times that Logic and the Imagination are anathema to one another. Maybe I should have planned something else…

Or maybe he’s just annoyed at you for dragging him out of bed in the literal middle of the night, a more insidious inner voice whispered. When you know he likes to keep a consistent sleep schedule.

Roman pressed his lips together, lifted his chin…he might be a mere facet of a single personality, but he was also a Prince, and Princes do not listen to inner demons. However, he also looked back for the dozenth time to make sure Logan was actually still following.

That was the only reason Roman kept looking back.

It had nothing to do with the way the translucent moonlight caught the other Side’s dark, immaculately kept hair, or glinted off his glasses.

In the real world, of course, and whenever they manifested near their Source, the Sides all had precisely the same face and body as Thomas. But deep inside the mind, where physical appearance was an illusion anyway, the Sides exercised much more control.

Thomas remained their base template, but each Side also tended to portray himself with features that Thomas associated with their core function. Like Patton’s fluffy curls and childlike freckles, or Virgil’s anxious, ever-changing eyeshadow, or Remus’s abominable comic-book villain mustache.

Like Deceit’s…no, Janus’s very real scales.

Damn that snake. Why did I have think of him now?

Hopefully the lying bananaconda had better things to do than pop up and spoil things tonight. Because tonight, Roman was finally fulfilling a longtime promise to Logan, and taking him on a grand adventure.

The thought made his heart flutter in anticipation, and he looked back again.

Logan within the mindscape was leaner than Thomas, an inch or two taller, and his neatly trimmed hair and intelligent eyes were almost black in the low light. His face was narrow and intense, the nose more aquiline, and he had a habit of standing straighter than any of the rest of them.

(A habit which constantly showed off his trim waist and chest muscles…not that Roman paid any attention to that…)

Roman, by contrast, was a bit shorter, but his shoulders were broad and he was more muscular, due to all the questing and sword fighting he did here in the Imagination. He wore his hair in longish disarray that paired devastatingly with his clean, square jawline; hair that could be turned loose and wild on quests, or pulled neatly back as befitted royalty. His hands were strong; with long, artistic fingers, as skilled at wielding pens and paintbrushes as they were at wielding swords.

He liked to think he was handsome.

He was also painfully aware of how little it mattered when a certain someone…ehem…never seemed to notice.

“Roman, I confess to still being a bit lost as to the purpose of this journey,” Logan said at last, breaking the high-ceilinged silence. “You said you were taking us on a…’lark’? If so, why are we wandering around the Dream Palace?”

“LARP,” Roman corrected, flashing him a smile. “L-A-R-P. It stands for live action role play, Specs.”

Logan’s nose wrinkled at the words “role play”, and Roman’s stomach lurched. He hates it, he hates the very idea of it, you haven’t even started yet and you’ve already failed…

“Oh, don’t make the scrunchy face!” he added, a bit louder than necessary, and waved a hand. “At least wait until you’ve seen it.”

Roman had only been planning this for weeks.

“You know, when you promised to take me on one of your ‘adventures’,” Logan said, making finger quotes. “I was not expecting to be roused from bed in the middle of the night.”

“That’s because this isn’t your average adventure.” Roman gestured around them. “I constructed a special dreamscape to get all the details right, and we can only use the Dream Palace when Thomas is asleep.” He turned and dared a wink. “Only the best for you, my detail-oriented friend.”

Logan adjusted his glasses.

“Let it be known that I am indulging your antics right now because you have, on occasion, had some good ideas. You will, in turn, have to indulge my skepticism.”

“I have no idea what you just said, but I’m gonna pretend it was a compliment,” Roman said with a wink, which Logan rolled his eyes at.

“Ah ha, here we are!”

Roman stopped at a set of iconic blue doors, nearly vibrating in excitement as he waited for Logan to recognize them.

The nerd did not disappoint.

“Roman…” Logan murmured, stepping forward to touch the white PULL TO OPEN sign. “They look just like the doors to the TARDIS. The attention to detail is exquisite. But why?”

“Because I’m taking you on a Doctor Who LARP!” Roman exclaimed, flapping his hands. “All we have to do is step through, and the Imagination will make us Doctor and companion, and whisk us away through all of time and space!”

Logan’s face was a mixture of confusion and curiosity. “Again…why?”

“Because it will be fun?” Roman bit his lip, looking at his toes. “I…I know you aren’t into swords and sorcery and dragon-witches and whatnot. I wanted this to be something you might actually enjoy.”

Logan’s brow furrowed, as it often did when he tried to process something that didn’t fit neatly into his graphed, notated, logical worldview.

Usually, it was an emotion.

“But won’t us enacting such an intense scenario at this time of night negatively affect Thomas’s sleep?” Logan asked.

“That’s the genius of adventuring in the Dream Palace,” Roman explained. “You can do hyperreal, immersive stuff, and if Thomas does happen to remember anything, he’ll just think he had a weird dream. The worst that could happen is he might post about it on Twitter.”

“Hmm. I can see you’ve thought this through. I am…flattered that you went to all the trouble,” Logan said in a quiet voice.

Roman had to bite back an ecstatic giggle.

Not…not because of the way his nerves skittered below his skin when his gaze caught Logan’s black eyes and soft expression. No, Roman was merely…excited! That someone like Logan appreciated his hard work!

It wasn’t like he was trying to impress anyone, like some middle school boy with, you know, a crush or whatever. For the last, well…two years.

…and then some.

Ugh. There was little point in denying his feelings; he’d only accidentally summon Janus and his oily smirk, and if that happened, Roman would most certainly die of embarrassment and that was not a lie, thank you very much.

The truth was, ever since Thomas had placed that jar of Crofters into Logan’s hands and inspired him to sing…not just rap, or begrudgingly harmonize, but actually sing…Roman had fallen, and fallen hard.

How could he not?

Logan’s words and ideas had always challenged him, pushed him to be smarter, sharper, better, just to keep up. Logan was the grounding anchor to his sails, the clarity to his excess. It used to infuriate Roman, the way he and Logan always came at problems from opposite sides and fought, sometimes bitterly, over the best way to meet in the middle.

But now?

Now Roman relished the way they traded words in a good fight, like blades in the hands of expert swordsmen. Logan, despite his dislike for anything fanciful, was a natural wordsmith…and Roman was a great lover of poetry. Even better, it seemed like Logan was also starting to enjoy their verbal sparring matches…

And then these last few months had happened.

The Decision, and Deceit, and the way that snake had let Remus out of the shadows to wreck havoc, and then the disastrous wedding itself…and Roman knew that Logan, through all of it, had been feeling pushed aside.

Goodness knew the logical Side hadn’t deserved to be shoved to the back of a courtroom, or relegated to a pixel-y shadow of himself before being removed from the discussion entirely. Worse, in both of those scenarios, Roman had either done nothing…or actively made things worse.

Roman knew he was guilty of letting his mouth run wild in his zeal to solve Thomas’s dilemmas…or in desperately hiding his true feelings. He knew his nicknames often came with barbs, his insults sometimes hit too close to home, that he often ignored or dismissed Logan’s cool, much-needed perspective.

He knew he needed to be better.

I’ll make it up to him tonight, Roman told himself as he laid a hand on the rough wooden blue doors and glanced back at Logan. The logical Side nodded, giving Roman a tiny burst of confidence.

He’ll get to play his favorite character and be his best nerdy self. This is going to be great!

Roman took a breath, and shoved open the TARDIS doors.

Chapter 2- Human Nature

“It’s all becoming clear now. The Doctor is doing the things you’d like to be doing.”

The blaring of a dozen sirens burst in Logan’s ears.

He was yanked across the threshold, Roman’s hand practically a vice around his wrist. Logan inhaled the sharp scent of metal and warm electronics, and a million figurative lights went off in his brain.

Being the physical incarnation of Logic, this wasn’t an entirely unfamiliar sensation.

The TARDIS shuddered…wait, TARDIS? We’re actually on the TARDIS?…under impact. Lights flashed; reds and greens over an ambiance of steely blue-gray, and Logan knew exactly what to do.

He shook free of Roman’s grip and strode to the center console…console, how do I know this is a console?…flipping several switches and turning the green dial to precisely 3.56 degrees to offset the radiation sheer from the M-class star they’d just spun past.

Because naturally they happened to be careening through an asteroid field.

The time rotor rose and dipped, Gallifreyan symbols whirling overhead; Logan adjusted shields and dodged rocks, striding confidently from station to station. He guided his TARDIS around the last large asteroid, one that easily could have smashed his beloved ship to bits, and then they were clear.

The TARDIS chimed reassuringly under his hands, relieved to be in empty space again.

Roman screamed.

The sound echoed off the metallic walls, causing Logan to whip around and nearly lose his balance.

“What happened?” he said sharply, leaving the console. The creative Side stood near the railing, staring down at himself in obvious dismay. “What’s wrong?”

“Look at me, Logan!” Roman said shrilly and gesturing at his body. “Just look!”

Logan examined his fellow Side. There were no obvious injuries he could see, no blood, no bruising, nothing that would merit a scream. There was just Roman, unfairly handsome as always.

(He still wasn’t sure how Roman managed that feat when they all literally, at least some of the time, had the same face.)

“I…don’t see a problem?” Logan asked slowly.

“I meant, look at what I’m wearing, Calculator Watch,” Roman snarled, and turned to yell nonsensically at the ceiling. “Am I a joke to you? When I said I wanted to be a companion, this is not what I meant!”

Logan focused on Roman’s clothing, which had shifted rather drastically since passing through those doors. His normal princely attire was replaced by a denim cutoff skirt, overalls, pink leggings, and a tight pink blouse that clung to his muscular chest and arms...

“I look ridiculous, don’t I?” Roman murmured, scuffing a combat boot against the metal grated floor. The motion drew Logan’s gaze again to the way the cutoffs hugged his hips and wow, that skirt was really short, wasn’t it?

And those tights, the way they accentuated Roman’s legs...

Logan frowned, his face feeling unusually warm. Why did he keep noticing these things? Of course Roman was more fit than the rest of them.

Perhaps it was simply that Logan didn’t usually see the evidence of it so…plainly.

Stop, Logan told himself sharply. You might be gay and allosexual, but that is no excuse to be disrespectful.

He cleared his throat.

“If I may, Roman?” he said, approaching, and made a closer examination of Roman’s outfit.

“I gather from your earlier ranting that you instructed the Imagination to cast you as one of the Doctor’s companions for the duration of this scenario?”

“Well, yeah,” Roman admitted, “but I was thinking someone like Jamie McCrimmon, or Rory Williams, or maybe even Jack Harkness!”

“You know there is some debate over whether Jack Harkness would be considered a proper ‘companion’, as he was never full time on the TARDIS,” Logan argued absently, still eying Roman’s ensemble.

It was attractive but also familiar; he just couldn’t quite place it…

“Neither was Clara Oswald at first, but nobody had a problem handing her that label from the start!” Roman folded his arms and Logan had to look away because wow, short sleeves and arms…

“Just because she was a girl and the writers obviously intended for her to be a love interest—”

“A girl, of course!” Logan snapped his fingers. “Roman, you are a companion. Specifically, you are Rose Tyler.”

“What?” Roman frowned, smoothing the overalls across his middle. “I…Hmm. You might actually be right.”

“Of course I am right.”

The creative Side scoffed at that, but continued to frown.

“I think it’s a good choice,” Logan added. “Rose is arguably one of the most beloved companions in new Who; bold, kind, and intelligent in her own way. She was pivotal to the Ninth, Tenth, and arguably the War Doctor’s character arcs.”

He laid a hand on Roman’s shoulder. (To convey reassurance, of course. Not because he suddenly wanted to touch…)

“Hers are not the worst shoes you could be given to fill,” Logan said, “idiomatically speaking.”

“Only you would drop a word like ‘idiomatically’ in everyday conversation,” Roman grumbled, but some of the spark returned to his caramel eyes.

“But look at you!” Roman said in a brighter voice, gesturing. “All proper and Doctor-ish. At least the Imagination let you keep your tie, or, whatever that thing is around your neck.”

Logan glanced down at himself for the first time.

His sensible polo and jeans had become a clean-cut black suit, with a warm grey waistcoat, a crisp white undershirt, and a silver pocket watch. A navy cravat was knotted around his throat.

His knee-length suit jacket was also black, with a striking cerulean lining.

He retrieved a slender, metallic something from the jacket’s inner pocket: of course, the Doctor’s signature sonic screwdriver. Specifically, the Tenth Doctor’s screwdriver.

Logan chuckled, remembering all the times he’d ranted to Roman about how impractical and flashy Eleven’s screwdriver became, and don’t even get him started on Twelve’s, it was practically a lightsaber…

“Interesting,” he murmured, stretching his arms to turn in a slow circle, letting the jacket flare. “Fashionably, I appear to be a cross between the Eighth and Twelfth Doctors, which I appreciate, as they are the two most sensible dressers of the bunch. And by the way, Roman, this is a called a cravat, not a tie…”

He’d lifted hands to his neck but the words died on his tongue.

Roman had summoned a mirror and was, quite literally, checking himself out. He swayed his hips, tilted one toward and then away from the mirror, pouted, did a tongue smile, and…and Logan realized he had been watching for more than a socially acceptable length of time.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat again. But he was saved from having to speak by a loud crackling at the center console.

Both Sides rushed over, Logan seizing the TV screen and pulling it down. Gray static skittered over the polished surface. He flipped two switches and turned a dial, trying to zero in on the signal.

“I meant to ask earlier…how do you know what to do?” Roman asked, tilting his head. “You were piloting before I think you even realized we were on a TARDIS in the first place.”

Logan froze in the middle of winding one of the cranks.

“I…I really do not know.” In fact, the more he thought about it, the less sense any of the controls made. “Now that you’ve drawn my attention to it, you are correct: rationally, I should not know the function of any of these…gizmos.” He gestured at the crank he’d been winding.

“Yet somehow my hands just…know.”

Roman leaned casually onto the console.

“When I built this LARP, I gave the Imagination quite a bit of leeway in how it wanted to construct our characters,” he said. “I’m thinking it took things a step further than costume changes, like making me the companion it thinks I most resemble instead of the companion I wanted to be.”

Roman bit his lip as though troubled, then clearly shook himself out of it.

“And it must have imparted some of the Doctor’s knowledge upon me.” Logan added, not sure how he felt about the Imagination having such a direct influence over his mind. He supposed if it didn’t get too invasive, and was confined to this one night, he could deal with it.

It had proven useful so far, after all.

Roman shot Logan a fierce grin.

“Indeed! So engage that big Doctor brain and let’s see who’s trying to call us. Allons-y, adventure awaits!”

“You know ‘allons-y’ is my line, right?” Logan said dryly.

He had to use his screwdriver on the screen before the picture came clear. The stream of static acquired the cadence of a voice…and then a disturbingly familiar face stared back at his own, looking equally shocked.

Roman, for the second time since entering the TARDIS, let out a bloodcurdling scream.

Chapter 3- The Witch’s Familiar

“If you’re going to take my stick, do me the courtesy of actually killing me. Teamwork is all about respect.”

Janus had just settled into his favorite chair with a mug of chamomile tea and a political science book when he was yanked…rather rudely, he might add…onto the deck of a spaceship.

He sighed, and dismissed his drink.

When one lived in the same mindspace as the literal embodiment of chaos, one unfortunately learned to expect such interruptions.

“REMUS!” he roared, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Did I not specifically ask to be LEFT ALONE tonight?”

Silence.

Deeply annoyed now, Janus took a moment to look around himself. This was not a normal spaceship; no windows, for one, and it was laid out in levels around a translucent column at the very center. His mismatched eyes followed the center rotor up and down, his mind almost placing it…

Something clumsily rose up from the deck with a clatter, causing Janus to summon his crook with a yell.

Only…the object that dropped into his hand wasn’t smooth wood, but a slender metal instrument just barely longer than his hand. A…sonic screwdriver? What the actual heck?

Well. It was what he had.

“Get back!” He pointed the instrument at the…figure…who still slowly climbed to its feet. It was an android or robot of some sort; humanoid, and the same kind of weirdly familiar as the ship.

“Janus?” the robot said, tilting its head.

Janus froze, all the scales standing up on his body. That was…that was Patton’s voice. Flat, mechanical, but unmistakable.

After all, Patton was the only Side who consistently called Janus by name.

“Patton?” Janus whispered.

“Oh, that was so weird-feeling! Thank goodness I’m not all by myself,” Robot-Patton said, putting a hand over his…well, where his heart should have been…in obvious relief. “But why are we both suddenly on the TARDIS?”

Janus drew in a sharp breath.

Of course, he should have recognized the stupid time rotor immediately. He’d never admit it to any of them, but he was as much of a Doctor Who nerd as Logan or Roman, sometimes going so far as to spy on them when they argued over episodes together.

To learn their arguing styles, of course.

Not because he had any desire to join those discussions.

And now, looking at Patton with a sinking feeling in his stomach, Janus deduced exactly what he was: a Mondasian Cyberman. They were older and cruder in design than the reboot versions…no wonder he hadn’t put a finger on it right away.

That wasn’t really the issue.

“REMUS!” Janus shouted again, more angrily this time. Bad enough his pleasant evening of solitude had been interrupted by…whatever this was. But putting the sweetest, most emotional Side into a canonically unemotional shell, a robot?

That was cruel. That was insulting.

It was too far, even for Remus.

“Janus, is everything okay?” Patton asked, coming closer. Janus shivered at the sound of that warm voice coming from a blank metallic face with empty eyes.

“Do you…feel all right?” Janus said in a hesitant voice.

“I’m a little chilly, but otherwise I’m in ship shape!” the other quipped, giggling. “Get it? Cause we’re on a ship?”

Is it…is it possible that he doesn’t know?

“Hilarious,” Janus deadpanned, but inside his thoughts spun.

He sensed they were in a dream construct within the Imagination, which meant this had to be Remus’s doing. Remus, who reveled in gore, despair, disturbing imagery, angst, and who was in charge of Thomas’s nightmares.

Remus could…and would, given the chance…recreate the experience of being a Cyberman down to the Last. Grim. Detail.

Maybe he hadn’t meant to ensnare Patton specifically to fill this role…Remus didn’t generally pull other Sides in for nightmares, come to think of it…but meanwhile, Janus didn’t want to find out what this might do to Patton’s head.

Worse, it was becoming clear that Patton was somehow oblivious to the state of his own body; he’d used his metallic hands to clutch at his metallic chest and found nothing wrong with either. He couldn’t hear the electronic rasp in his own voice, or the heavy clanging of his steps on the grated floor.

Should Janus say something?

Would Patton believe him if he did?

Ever since Thomas’s near mental breakdown after the disastrous wedding, Patton and Janus had orbited around each other in a state of tenuous truce. They talked now, sometimes, and those talks didn’t always end in arguments. Patton began to leave space for him by Thomas’s blinds when he was called up, and he…and by extension Thomas…occasionally actually sought his input.

But Janus, well.

Janus was still a liar.

The others still called him Deceit, either by accident (Logan) or out of spite (Virgil). Then there was Roman, who invented a colorful, wounding ego-jab for him every day, and Remus, whose fond nicknames tended to double as sex jokes.

Having no other real allies in the mindscape, Janus really, really didn’t want to screw up his tenuous alliance with Patton. Why sabotage his figurative “seat at the table” over one of Remus’s stupid nightmares?

Patton would assume Janus was slipping back into his old ways, lying just because he could, and Janus would never be able to prove otherwise. And later Patton would make that sour, pinched face he always made when he was disappointed, the one that made Janus want to crawl into a hole…

So.

Best to keep his observations close to the chest, for now.

“Do you have any idea what we’re doing here?” Janus asked, striding to the center console. True to dream logic, the controls made no sense and simultaneously made perfect sense.

Patton shrugged; a strange, clanky motion of his shoulders.

Janus sighed. “Although Remus has dragged me into dreams before, even he generally understands the concept of consent.” He casually flapped a hand. “And he always leaves you ‘light sides’ alone.”

“Honestly, this doesn’t feel like a nightmare to me,” Patton said, nearly making Janus choke. The Cyberman clanked over to stand by the console.

“It’s too clean,” Patton added. “Roman let me glimpse Remus’s side of the Imagination once, not long after he showed himself to Thomas, and it was…”

Patton trailed off.

“Fragmented? Chaotic? Disturbing?” Janus supplied.

“Sure, we’ll go with that,” Patton said quietly. “This,” he waved a hand around, “feels more like Roman’s work.”

“I suppose you would know.” Janus ran a thoughtful thumb over his face, tracing the ridge that ran from the corner of his mouth to his ear.

“And I would almost have to agree,” he added slowly. “If this was a nightmare, surely something ghastly would have happened by now. But my being pulled into one of Roman’s creations makes even less sense. He literally cannot stand me.”

“Maybe this is one of those dreams Thomas has sometimes after binge watching a show?” Patton suggested. “When there’s enough material in short term memory that the twins don’t get much input? Did Thomas binge a season of Doctor Who yesterday or something?”

And to think the others still view you as stupid, or slow-witted.

Janus bit back a smile.

“It’s a good theory, Patton, but no,” he said. “Thomas hasn’t really binged on much of anything lately.”

Patton ducked his head.

“You don’t…you don’t have to rub it in, you know,” he said lowly, the metallic rasp grating on Janus’s ears. “You and Logan have both made it pretty clear that I’ve been too strict with Thomas’s time.”

Janus fought to keep his expression neutral, but his stomach twisted.

Damn it.

Leave it to Patton to find guilt where none was meant. Even if Janus claimed he hadn’t meant it like that, Patton would probably not believe him.

Patton tilted his metal head as he examined Janus’s face.

“Did you know you have a mustache now? And a little goatee?”

“I have a what?” Janus felt at his face and groaned, his gloved fingers tugging at hair that most certainly did not belong on his face; with the scales, it probably looked hideous.

His entire outfit had altered in subtle ways, he realized. His usual plum tunic and trousers were now a brown suit and waistcoat ensemble, crossed with yellow pinstripes, with a black collared undershirt. A brown, knee-length suit jacket replaced his caplet, with subtle gold trimming. His yellow gloves were unchanged, thank goodness, and his hat…?

His hands flew up to his head and found something perched over his hair, sitting at an angle. Janus yanked down a screen at the console and stared. His beloved bowler had shrunk into a tiny, flat, rakish thing with a wide brim, festooned with a cluster of yellow rosebuds and black beads.

“What on earth, Remus?” he grumbled, turning his head from side to side. Well, if he had to be honest, pinstripes and a hatinator weren’t a terrible look.

“Well, if we’re on a TARDIS, I guess you’re supposed to be the Doctor,” Patton pointed out. “Which would make me your companion.”

Janus stroked his goatee and examined their surroundings in more detail. But am I a Doctor? he wondered. And if so, which one?

And whose TARDIS is this?

Because while it was clear they were on a TARDIS…what other class of spaceship had a time rotor?…he wasn’t almost certain this was not the TARDIS.

Every corner of the Doctor’s ship, no matter which face it belonged to, tended to overflow with bright, shiny, eclectic whimsy. By contrast, this one was plain, stark, with exposed metal beams and sharp angles.

Too dark, too full of shadows.

An awful suspicion rose up in his mind.

He crossed to one of the bookshelves, ignoring Patton’s soft inquiry, and his jaw clenched. There was the Necronomicon, shelved between the Liber Inducens in Evangelium Aeternum and The Black Scrolls of Rassilon, Book of Vile and its Black Appendix, The Ambuehl Lores and the Insidium of Astrolabus.

Janus finally looked at the sonic device he’d been holding all this time; seeing now that it wasn’t a screwdriver at all, and thanked every god he knew that he hadn’t tried to use it on Patton earlier.

It was a sonic laser.

Once again, even in a stupid, nonsensical dream, Janus had been cast as the villain.

His fist had collided with the bookshelf before he even realized he was moving, books falling to the floor. He punched it again, and again, until a cool rigid hand closed around his wrist and yanked him back.

“Janus, Janus, stop!” Patton yelled in his ear.

Janus wrenched his arm away and stalked back to the console, running gloved fingers over his scales, pushing them up and smoothing them down. The familiar sensation grounded him.

“You were right, Patton,” he threw over his shoulder. “This is definitely one of Roman’s dreams, and he definitely fucking hates me.”

Patton’s heavy footsteps clattered behind him.

“Language. And how do you know that,” he asked. “…Doctor?”

Janus whirled, lips curled in a snarl.

“I am not the Doctor, Patton, and we are not on the TARDIS.” He spread his arms to encompass them both, gesturing to the dimly lit spaceship. “Look around. Look at me!”

He turned, slowly, and eyed his mustached visage in the dark view screen.

“Clearly, I am the Master.”

Chapter 4- Nightmare in Silver

“You think he knows what he’s doing?”

“I’m not sure I’d go that far.”

Patton rested his arms against the console and sighed.

Once again, someone I care about is upset, and I don’t know what to do. I guess I should be used to it by now.

It didn’t help that it was so cold in this TARDIS. He folded his arms around his middle, which felt strange and heavy, to combat the chill that seemed to have settled deep in his bones.

Janus stalked past again, grumbling to himself.

“Of course the Prince would pull me into one of his little ‘adventures’ without my consent. He probably needed an antagonist. And naturally the slippery snake would have been the first person to come to mind!”

Patton opened his mouth…though he had no idea what he was going to say…but Janus drowned him out.

“Come on, Roman!” he shouted, throwing his yellow-clad hands up. “You’ve had your fun. Yes, I’m evil, I’m the villain, I’m the bad guy, blah blah. Let’s have our epic confrontation or whatever nonsense you have planned, as I would very much like to get back to my reading sometime tonight.”

Silence.

Patton didn’t know what Janus was expecting.

“Look, maybe we should just play along for now?” Patton said aloud, wincing when Janus turned his murderous expression on him. The deceptive Side had such deep, cutting golden eyes, the human one so much darker than the other…cynical eyes that were, ironically, almost impossible to lie to.

They’d see straight through it.

“It takes a liar to know a liar.”

The glare quickly softened, though, which in Patton’s opinion said a lot about how far Janus had come.

“And how do you propossse we ‘play along’?” Janus said, hissing his s’s in frustration.

“Well, we’ve kinda decided this is Roman’s dream, right? And since we’re in his part of the Imagination, we know he won’t let anything bad happen to us…”

Patton trailed off at Janus’s pained expression, reminded of just how badly Janus and Roman’s last encounter had gone.

“What are you, a middle school librarian?”

“Thank god you don’t have a mustache.”

And I just stood there and did nothing…no, I can’t dwell on that right now. Patton shook himself out of the memory.

It was surprisingly easy; even his emotions felt a little heavy and muted. He supposed he wasn’t used to being in a dreamscape; unlike Roman, who played in them all the time.

I know Roman, Patton reasoned. He might hold a grudge for a while, but he wouldn’t actually be out to hurt Janus.

Right?

“So, if we’re on a time ship, on some kind of adventure leading up to a confrontation like you said, the first thing we’d have to do is figure out where we need to go,” Patton finished, shrugging.

Janus pursed his lips…which looked downright weird with a mustache and goatee, almost making Patton giggle…and began pushing buttons on the console.

“You are definitely incorrect, Patton,” he said, pulling up another screen and flipping a few switches. “If I have been cast as the villain in this ridiculous charade, that means Roman is likely prancing around as the Doctor right now, on the proper TARDIS. Which, as the Doctor’s nemesis, I should be able to contact…ha!”

The screen burst into static.

“Doctor, oh Doctor, do you read me?” Janus crooned, and if Patton hadn’t known just how angry he was in that moment…well, he would have never known.

Janus had tucked it away entirely, in half a second's time.

That’s the scary thing about him, Patton realized uneasily. He’s smart, nearly as smart as Logan. Smart enough to run circles around me, that’s for sure. And he’s easily as good an actor as Roman.

Those attributes, combined with his naturally manipulative nature, made it difficult to trust him.

Patton was trying.

He’d been trying since the wedding, and well, since everything else that had happened. (Patton still cringed when Thomas encountered even a picture of a frog.) He’d done a lot of thinking and growing that day (in more ways than one!), and he’d come to a disturbing, but inevitable conclusion.

Janus wasn’t evil.

He never had been.

Just like Virgil had never been evil. Mean, sure; and sarcastic, and spiteful…but at his core, Virgil had wanted what was best for Thomas.

They all did.

And then there was the uncomfortable corollary to that: Patton, despite his best efforts, despite his core Purpose…Patton wasn’t entirely and automatically good.

Two weeks ago, Janus had proven beyond a doubt that Thomas needed him…ruthlessly, cuttingly, but no one could say he hadn’t made his point. It had been Patton who’d inadvertently pushed Thomas to the brink of a breakdown, and Janus who had to pull them all back.

Despite Patton’s unease, and the little voice in his head telling him that Deceit couldn’t be trusted, could never truly be trusted because it was in his nature to deceive…Patton remembered how they’d pushed Virgil so hard he decided to duck out, and how much of a tragedy that could have been if they hadn’t all intervened to bring him back.

With a pang of guilt, he pictured Thomas lying on the floor, crushed under the metaphorical weight of everything Patton needed him to do to keep from being a bad person…

He would not make those mistakes again.

If Virgil could learn to work with them instead of against them, so could Janus. If Patton could learn to recognize when his own Purpose did more harm than good, so could Janus.

Patton had to believe that.

He’d made too many mistakes lately to believe otherwise.

The screen in Janus’s hands cleared to reveal…

“What? Logan??” Janus exclaimed, as a scream echoed somewhere in the background.

“D—Janus?” Logan countered, then looked over his shoulder. “Roman, for the love of Archimedes, will you stop shrieking? I cannot hear.”

The screaming cut off and Roman’s fuming face squished into the frame with Logan.

“Deceit! I should have known you would show up to ruin this!” he managed to shout before Logan shoved him away.

“Ruin…I’m sorry, what?” Janus glanced at Patton, looking honestly confused. “Is he roleplaying right now? We assumed this scenario was Roman’s creation.”

Onscreen, Logan placed his whole hand against Roman’s mouth to prevent him from interrupting.

“It is. But to my understanding, it was only supposed to involve myself and Roman, and…wait. You said ’we’.” Logan peered around. “Who else is with you?”

Patton started to wave, but his view was blocked by Janus bending close to the screen to whisper something. Suspicion flared in Patton’s stomach; old, familiar, but after the talk he’d just given himself, he purposefully pushed it down.

I won’t assume he’s being shifty unless he actually gives me a reason to.

Lifting his chin, he crept forward until he was next to Janus’s shoulder.

“Hey, Logan,” he said brightly, waving.

“Ah…hello, Patton,” Logan squeaked after a moment, his eyes still wide.

“Wait, Patton’s there? With the snake?” Roman’s voice yelled from the background, and then there was Roman’s face again.

“Patton?” Roman said, narrowing his eyes. “But why are you—?”

Both faces disappeared for a moment as Logan yanked Roman out of frame. Patton thought he heard a rapid, hushed conversation. He glanced at Janus, who only shrugged, looking at puzzled as Patton felt.

Roman’s face reappeared, solemn and deeply annoyed.

“Patton,” he said, and hesitated. “D—Janus. You two…well, you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Very reassuring,” Janus quipped.

“This was only supposed to be a two-person adventure: Doctor plus companion. I have no idea why the Imagination brought you both in as well; I certainly didn’t tell it to.”

“Aw, that’s okay, kiddo,” Patton started gently. “It’s not your fault—”

“Oh, sweetie.” Janus folded his arms. “I’m sorry, but that’s bull. Putting me in the Master’s shoes? Are we seriously going to pretend the Side who unashamedly hates me had nothing to do with that?”

“I didn’t!” Roman argued, his voice going high. “You really think I wanted you here, in any capacity?”

“Deceit…er, Janus, you are being unnecessarily antagonistic, and as such, unhelpful,” Logan cut in with his low, reassuring voice. “But Roman, it might behoove us to consider the role of subconscious influence. You may not have intended to pull the others in, and yet here they are.”

Roman looked at Logan, aghast, and Patton almost flinched at the raw hurt in his caramel eyes. The creative Side backed out of frame.

“So you’re on his side, too,” his voice said quietly. “Is that how it is?”

“I am not on anyone’s side,” Logan argued, raising his hands. “We are all currently in this situation together, and as such—”

Whatever he’d been about to say was cut off by another garbled transmission, taking over the screen and blocking out Logan’s face with crackly, purple static. A gray, snarling face flashed out of the haze, making Patton shriek in surprise and even Janus took a step back.

Then it was gone, dissolving back to static…and the sound of someone laughing filled the connection.

“Hellooooo, nurse,” a familiar sing-song voice crooned. “Did you miss me?”

Chapter 5- The Long Game

“You can’t just read the guide book, you’ve got to throw yourself in. Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers. Or is that just me?”

Logan sighed.

He knew that voice; they all did. Even Thomas, unfortunately.

“Remus,” Roman hissed.

The mustached Side filled the screen, grinning madly. “Boo!”

“Get out of my scenario,” Roman said, his eyes flashing. “If you know what’s good for you.”

“Your scenario?” Remus echoed, faux-outrage in his expression. “Yours? The Dream Palace is my domain, too, brother, whether you like it or not.” He leaned closer, letting his nostrils and a single radioactive green eye fill the screen. “Did you really think you could keep me out?”

Roman made a sound of disgust deep in his throat.

“Am I to assume, then, that you are responsible for bringing in the other Sides?” Logan asked, careful to keep his voice even. Remus thrived on getting a rise out of people.

“Of course he is!” Roman snapped, throwing up his hands. “He loves to ruin things, especially my things.”

“Now why would having the others here ruin anything, brother?” Remus asked in a sickly sweet voice, propping his head on his hand. “Unless you intended for this nighttime romp between you and Logan to be private?”

Roman sputtered and glanced at Logan, red-faced, as Remus giggled.

“It was meant to be so, yes,” Logan supplied, unsure why Remus would find that funny…or why Roman would find it embarrassing.

“As amusing as this all is—” Janus’s crooning voice cut through the speaker.

“Great. You’re still here, snake?” Roman snarked, his arms folded around himself.

“We’re all listening, kiddo,” Patton’s metallic voice said.

Roman’s lips always curl into a pout when he is angry, Logan thought, eyeing him without turning his head, and he gets a little wrinkle between his eyebrows. Why…why am I noticing such things all of a sudden?

Maybe it was the stress, or the unfamiliar environment.

Or maybe it was the Rose Tyler outfit.

That skirt ought to be illegal.

Logan deliberately focused on the screen, his cheeks warm.

“So this is kinda new,” Patton went on, “all of us actually talking—”

“If Remus is responsible,” Janus cut in again, “then perhaps he would be so kind as to explain the objective of this late night group therapy session?”

Despite the biting sarcasm, Logan did appreciate Janus’s insistence that they get to the point, even if it did mean talking over Patton…

Speaking of, why would Remus have paired Patton with Janus?

Surely he should have grouped Patton with Logan and Roman, and put Virgil with Janus? Or…maybe not, given how Virgil hisses if Janus so much as enters the same room.

Ugh. Interpersonal drama. Logan was thoroughly sick of trying to keep track of who carried a grudge against whom, especially when it seemed to change from day to day.

And on top of that, why would Remus make Patton a Cyberman? None of these decisions make any sense…

“Right?” Roman agreed softly next to him, and Logan realized he’d said that last bit out loud.

“If anything, I should have been the unfeeling killer robot,” Logan murmured.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Specs.” Roman shot him a strange look, both warm and troubled. “And frankly I don’t give a stinky rat’s ass about my stinky rat brother’s sick thought process. What I want to know is why Deceit doesn’t want us to mention it around Patton?”

Logan, who was still mentally stuck on rodents and donkeys…Roman’s metaphors were always something else…shook his head slightly.

“There’s no logical way Patton is unaware of his condition,” Logan pointed out. “So I can only guess he wishes to protect Patton’s feelings on the matter, by not allowing us to talk about it in front of him.” He shrugged when Roman’s frown deepened. “Those two have been getting along much better these last few weeks.”

“I think you’re giving the snake too much credit,” Roman muttered. “Even after he impersonated you, Logan? C’mon. It has to be something else.”

Logan bit back a sigh.

He doesn’t understand, he thought guiltily. Because he doesn’t know what really happened…

#

“This is unacceptable, Deceit,” Logan snapped, flinging the crook away from his body. “I was in the middle of a discussion—”

“He won’t listen to you,” Deceit had said, and there was no sarcasm or snark in his voice.

“Patton asked for my opinion!”

“And he dismissed you from the conversation the moment that opinion went against his preconceived notions!” Deceit snapped back.

Silence.

Logan could hear the others still talking, out in the real world…without him…as the misty dregs of subconscious curled around their feet.

“You tricked him.” Logan folded his arms. “He was scared and off balance and you gave him an out.”

“I didn’t make him take it!”

Deceit sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Logan. You know he is wrong on this. You know what this is doing to Thomas. His unquestioning, black-and-white, juvenile morality; it’s not working anymore. Thomas needs to grow up, and Patton is not letting him.”

Logan bit his lip.

“Logan.” Deceit moved closer, dismissing his crook into mist and setting both gloved hands on Logan’s shoulders. Logan stiffened.

“Logic. Please. I am…no good at this.” Deceit dropped his head, his hat obscuring his eyes. “I operate through deceit because that is the only way I can make them acknowledge me.”

“They don’t acknowledge you because you operate through deceit,” Logan pointed out.

“A perfect catch 22.” Deceit let out a bitter laugh. “But a snake cannot change its scales and I don’t…I have tried everything I know. I cannot fix this from the shadows. I am out of ideas.”

A strange thought entered Logan’s mind.

“You care. You care what happens to Thomas.”

Deceit looked up, his mismatched eyes glittering with stinging intensity. “I am the literal representation of selfishness. Why the hell else would I go to all this trouble if I didn’t care?”

“Well…” Logan trailed off, troubled.

He’d let the others get to him, he realized in that moment. He’d let Roman get to him, with his talk of evil and Dark Sides and how they were always trying to tempt Thomas off the right path.

But…they were all part of Thomas, even the so-called “dark sides”.

Of course they wanted what was best for him…well, what Remus wanted at any given moment was debatable…even if they didn’t always go about it in the healthiest of ways.

Deceit had laughed then, high pitched and bitter.

“Really? Really? Even you think so low of me?”

“You are manipulating me right now.” Logan frowned. “You are using my concern for Thomas to make me trust you.”

“Yes! I am!” Deceit got in his face, fangs flashing. “I am a manipulative bastard because that is the lens through which my Source perceives me. But that doesn’t matter because you, Logic; you see through me, always have. And you know perfectly well that logically, any objection you have to my personality or my methods does not change the fact that I. Am. Right.”

He punctuated each word with a poke to Logan’s chest.

“Deceit—” Logan started.

“Janus.”

“What?”

Deceit sighed. “My name. My…real name. It’s Janus.”

Logan blinked. He knew the mythology, of course: Janus, keeper of doorways and thresholds, looking simultaneously to the past and future. Two faces. Seeing things from every angle.

Self-preservation.

“It suits you,” Logan said quietly.

Tension bled out of Janus’s shoulders, a stiffness Logan hadn’t even realized was there until it was gone.

“Thank you.”

“Why am I here…Janus?” Logan asked, glancing away. “What do you need from me?”

Janus looked at him intently.

“Let me speak to them as you.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, and Janus sighed, waving a hand.

“I know, I know, more deceit, more lies, but—”

“No, it’s…” Logan pressed his lips together. “You already pointed it out. They don’t listen to me, either.”

The bitter twist that accompanied those words was becoming an all too familiar sensation in Logan’s chest.

Janus snorted.

“Oh, they do. Eventually. They heeded your advice on how to deal with Remus.”

Logan shrugged uncomfortably.

“Look,” Janus added, “honest people know how to tell the truth, but liars…” he smirked, not especially nicely. “We know how to wield the truth to accomplish an end. I can pull Thomas and the others out of this rut, but they have to be receptive to my tugging on the reins.”

Logan pursed his lips.

“You won’t fool them. If you recall, you tried to impersonate me once already and barely lasted two minutes.”

“I didn’t have your blessing.”

Janus fixed Logan with his intense mismatched eyes again, and held out a hand.

Logan stared at it, torn.

This was Deceit, the master liar: Thomas’s entire capacity for deception condensed into a single, snake-faced Side. How could Logan possibly trust him to not make things worse, after all the falsehoods, the impersonations, how he’d manipulated them all in one way or another to get his way?

But…as much as Logan, personally, didn’t understand why that callback had been so important to Thomas…he could not dismiss the fallout Thomas had suffered as a result of missing it. The decision to attend the wedding had turned out to be a bad one.

Patton had been wrong to insist upon it over Janus’s objections, and over Roman’s.

Those were just the facts.

Janus sighed.

“I’ll unmask myself when an opportunity arises, if that would help,” he offered, and to Logan’s shock, slowly tugged off a glove. “I won’t…I won’t let it go on as long as it did with Patton.”

He offered his now bare hand to Logan again.

Out in the real world, Logan could hear Patton’s increasingly desperate and ridiculous responses to Thomas’s and Roman’s questions, and winced. Janus did the same.

“Please,” was all he said.

Logan sighed…it really couldn’t get any worse, could it?…and shook Janus’s hand.

#

In his TARDIS, Logan let out the sigh he was holding back.

He might have personal, concrete evidence that Janus wasn’t evil, but he also knew Janus had wounded Roman, badly, that day. The creative Side was simply not currently capable of viewing any situation involving Janus with any sort of objectivity.

Passionate, sensitive people like Roman tended to have an unfortunate habit of hanging onto grudges.

As Logic, Logan needed to remember that.

“Oh, all right,” Remus said, his voice crackling over the connection. “Since you’re all here—”

“Actually, Remus, we’re not all here,” Patton’s voice pointed out. “You all know perfectly well who we’re missing; we’ve done this before.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “‘Where is Anxiety?’” he quoted.

“You mean Tickle Me Emo isn’t with one of you?” Remus asked, looking delighted. “Oh dear, oh dear. Is he lost?”

“I mean, TARDISes are huge,” Roman pointed out. “He could be somewhere on one of our ships.” His voice dropped again. “I’ll bet Deceit stashed him away, because we all know how he hates Virgil.”

“Excuse you,” Janus’s voice interrupted, annoyed. “It is Virgil who hates me, not the other way around.”

“Let’s both scan our ships,” Logan suggested, hoping to head off an argument. Honestly, if Roman and Janus didn’t stop picking fights with one another, he was going to lose his marbles.

The scans pulled up nothing.

“Oh well,” Remus said with a shrug. “Guess the emo gets to miss out.”

Janus grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “lucky”.

“All right, here’s what’s going to happen.” Remus leaned close to the screen. “I’ve crash landed on a lovely snowbound planet that’s crawling with psychotic tin cans who like to roll around yelling ‘exterminate’.”

“Daleks? A snowbound planet, so not Skarro, but where else…” Logan narrowed his eyes.

“He’s on the Dalek asylum,” Roman said lowly. “That was one of the episodes I had in mind when I plotted this adventure.”

“Very good, brother.” Remus clapped his hands. “And up there in orbit is a ship full of people who’d really like to blow up the whole planet. Oh, woe is me, whatever shall I—”

“Save it,” Roman snapped. “You’d probably enjoy getting blown up.”

“Hmm, true.” Remus’s green eyes sharpened. “Think of the mess! Little bits of intestines floating through space, long pink ropey—”

“Or?” Logan interjected, before Remus gave Patton nightmares.

“Or you have to come rescue me!” Remus’s teeth flashed as he grinned. “Because otherwise it’s nighty-night for me and all the other aliens in the asylum.”

There was a beat of silence.

“As terrible as that sounds,” Janus drawled, sounding anything but worried, “given that none of this is real, and at least one of us would very much rather not be here at all…why exactly should your plight concern us?”

Logan secretly agreed, but felt his stomach clench when he glanced at Roman’s troubled face. None of this was real…right? Would something concretely bad happen to Remus if the planet he inhabited was blown up?

Surely not.

This was only a dream. Perhaps, then, Roman was merely upset that his twin had usurped his adventure for the night?

“Also.” Remus buffed his fingernails. “You should know that the Imagination will only release us if we complete the objective. In other words,” and he sneered, purple-shadowed eyes glittering, “we’re all stuck in this scenario until we’re all reunited.”

Remus giggled as Logan exchanged a shocked look with Roman.

“I don’t believe you. This was my dream,” Roman said darkly. “And I’ve just about had enough of all this!”

He stepped back and snapped his fingers with a flourish. Frowning, he did it again, and again, his face growing paler with each try.

“Roman, what—” Logan started.

“I can’t end it,” Roman whispered, still snapping. “He’s right. He’s…he’s sealed off the dream’s boundaries somehow. Remus!”

This he roared at the screen.

“Keeping Thomas trapped in a dream state is going too far, Remus!” he yelled. “I don’t care what kind of demented game you want to play with us, but we don’t bring Thomas into it.”

“Oh, you think I created an unbreakable dreamscape?” Remus snapped. “You let the Imagination have too much reign, my dear brother, and now neither of us have the power to end the dream ourselves. I estimate we have about ten hours before Thomas wakes up.”

For a moment, all Logan could hear was the soft whoosh of the time rotor, and Roman’s shallow, angry breathing at his shoulder.

“So I suggest you all pilot your ships to these coordinates,” Remus added, and a series of numbers and strange symbols flashed up on one of the smaller console screens. “And get started.”

The main screen blipped, and Remus’s face was replaced by an expressionless Cyberman and a snake-faced Side who looked extremely pale under his scales.

“Well,” Logan stated. “This is a problem.”

Chapter 6- Asylum of the Daleks

“You’re going to fire me at a planet? That’s your plan? I get fired at a planet and expected to fix it?”

“In fairness, that is slightly your M.O.”

“Don’t be fair to the Daleks when they’re firing me at a planet.”

The familiar wheeze of the TARDIS materializing filled Roman’s ears as he waited by the doors. Logan joined him a moment later.

“Ready?” he asked, smoothing a hand over his cravat.

He looks good as the Doctor, Roman thought, eying the slimming black and navy, the graceful arc that hand made as it adjusted a pair of glasses…

He shook himself out of his distraction. “Let’s do this, nerd.”

Logan opened the doors and the two stepped out…not onto the asylum, but onto a spaceship. Shiny copper terraces lined the vast walls in curving rows, leading the eye up to a domed ceiling with a clear view of black, star-studded space. Like a huge amphitheater, or stadium. Even Roman had to admit, the Imagination had really outdone itself on the realism.

Of course, given that the ship was filled with hundreds upon hundreds of Daleks calling for violence…realism wasn’t exactly comforting at the moment.

“Surprise, surprise, I don’t see my stupid brother,” Roman commented over the dull roar of the crowd.

“No. But I recognize where we are.” Logan waved a hand. “You were right about Remus’s location; this ship is from the episode ‘Asylum of the Daleks’, in Season 7. If we are following the basic plotline, Remus is likely somewhere down on the planet below, and we will be sent to him in due course. However…I am curious as to why all the other aliens are here.”

Roman looked around again, seeing that Logan was right. Daleks formed the majority of the crowd, but he also spotted Zygons, Sontarans, Silurians, other Cybermen, Ice Warriors…and quite a few aliens from older seasons he couldn’t remember the names of.

(Logan probably could.)

A second TARDIS materialized near their familiar blue box: plain, gray; a squat column of a ship. Janus emerged first, a silver instrument gripped in one gloved hand, followed by an old-school Cyberman…Patton. Roman frowned. Seeing that metal…being…and having to remember it was actually his friend was going to be difficult now that there wasn’t a screen separating them.

“Nice work, Roman,” Janus said, sidling up next to him and faux-clapping his hands. “A ship full of aliens who want us dead; always an excellent starting point for an adventure.”

“This is how the episode starts, Mr. Oh-I’m-Such-an-Expert-in-Doctor-Who,” Roman retorted. “Accuracy is important.”

“But this isn’t accurate,” Logan pointed out. “There should only be Daleks here.”

Roman folded his arms, stung.

Damn Logan and his damned need to be right all the time.

“I…well, I didn’t model this adventure after just one particular episode,” Roman admitted. “I wanted it to be a challenge, and it wouldn’t be if Logan and I already knew the ending. So no, I can’t exactly explain why all the other aliens are here, okay?”

Logan sighed.

“I was not criticizing you, Roman,” he said in a gentler voice. “As this has apparently become as much Remus’s and the Imagination’s handiwork as it is yours, it would be unreasonable to expect you to know what comes next.”

“THE DOCTOR AND THE MASTER WILL APPROACH THE SUPREME DALEK,” a grating robotic voice boomed across the ship, making them all whip around. A large white Dalek with an antenna on its shell loomed on a raised stage near the center of the amphitheater.

“They were expecting me, too?” Janus raised an eyebrow. “Interesting.”

The lights on the Dalek’s head flashed as it spoke again.

“THE DOCTOR AND THE MASTER WILL APPROACH WITH THEIR COMPANIONS.”

The four Sides exchanged a glance, and weaved through the assembled Daleks to the raised stage. The White Supreme Dalek was not the only occupant; it was flanked by an Ice Warrior, an Emojibot (which made Patton giggle), and…

“Look, a Janus,” Roman chortled, nudging the snake-faced Side in the ribs and pointing out the two-faced alien.

“You are all nerds and my logo is a two-headed snake,” Janus complained, rolling his eyes. “I literally do not know how all of you missed that obvious clue to my name.”

“DOCTOR,” the White Dalek said as they climbed the dais. “MASTER. WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE DALEK ASYLUM?”

“I’m just impressed my rat-faced brother wasn’t lying about his location,” Roman grumbled, and sputtered when Logan placed a hand over his mouth.

“According to legend,” Logan said, “you have a dumping ground, a planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong.”

“The battle-scarred, the insane. The ones even you can’t control,” Janus clarified. His voice dropped to a hiss. “No wonder they ssstuck Remus there.”

Roman covered his mouth to keep from snorting.

The snake would not make him laugh.

“CORRECT.” The Dalek pushed a button and a hole opened in the middle of the floor. A snow-covered planet lay below them, pristine from this high up.

“Ooh, that’s,” Patton started, and let out a metallic gulp. “That’s quite a drop. Do we, ah, have to go down the same way? Cause I remember that part, and—”

“How many Daleks are down there?” Logan asked.

“A COUNT HAS NOT BEEN MADE,” the white Dalek said.

“Millions, certainly,” a new voice chimed in. The tall, robed, dark-skinned Janus stepped forward, their front face addressing them. “But they will not be your only concern. The population of the planet consists of more than just Daleks.”

Roman exchanged a suspicious glance with Logan. This wasn’t in the episode. This is new.

“What do you mean?” Janus, their Janus, asked.

The alien Janus turned to a nearby monitor, pulling up some information. The backward-facing face continued to address them.

“Some time ago, the Daleks began noticing a curious phenomenon,” they said. “Random people, from all different races and species, started turning up on various planets in this quadrant of space, including the asylum. No ships, no technology, and no knowledge of how they’d gotten there. At first the imprisoned Daleks on the asylum simply killed them off as they appeared—”

Patton visibly winced, even with his metal body, and Logan’s eyes grew flinty.

“—but the new arrivals eventually became too many to exterminate,” the alien Janus went on, unconcerned. “By now we suspect the planet has a population of over a billion, far too many for its automated systems to handle.”

They turned their forward face to the four again.

“THE ASYLUM IS COMPROMISED,” the Dalek Supreme proclaimed. “IT MUST BE CLEANSED.”

“Hang on, you’re still going to blow the whole planet up?” Roman protested. “A billion people?”

“To be fair, that is what they did in the original episode,” Logan pointed out quietly.

“But that was just Daleks!”

Janus rolled his eyes. “Ah, so genocide is fine when it’s only the evil aliens getting blown up?”

“You know, somehow I’m not surprised to hear you defending the bad guys!” Roman snapped.

“That is enough!” Patton snapped in his robotic voice, stepping between them and raising both his hands. Laser pistols popped out of both of them, making both Roman and Janus step back in alarm.

After a tense moment, Patton lowered his arms again; the guns clicked and vanished into their casings.

“Uh, sorry kiddos, I don’t know what came over me,” he said in a sheepish, more Patton-y voice. “Can we please not fight? It…it kinda makes me feel weird and jittery when you do.”

Roman stared at Patton’s blank Cyberman face and armored Cyberman body and swallowed, hard.

Their Patton would never deliberately aim a gun at anyone, let alone his family. But Cybermen were created to eliminate…or rather, delete…anyone who got in their way.

Did Patton even realize what he’d almost done?

What would happen, if and when he was forced to confront the reality of his body in this realm? What if he didn’t figure it out until he accidentally did something terrible? It wouldn’t be real, of course, but to Patton…that wouldn’t matter.

If his Cyberman programming forced or tricked him into hurting someone, the guilt of it would devastate him.

All I wanted to do was take Logan on an adventure, Roman thought bitterly. A fun little dream adventure where he could play one of his heroes. Was that too much to ask, Imagination?

He folded his arms and glared around the Dalek ship, anywhere but at his fellow Sides.

Whatever the hell this has turned into, I want no part of it anymore.

“In order for us to destroy the planet, we will need you to disable the planet’s forcefield—” The alien Janus started, but Logan held up a finger.

“Excuse you,” he said sharply. “We have not agreed to do anything, least of all help you murder a billion people whose only crime is to have accidentally turned up in your prison. Have you even attempted to solve that mystery?"

"And why do you care what happens down there?" Roman added, sneering. "If the insane Daleks are armed—”

“DALEKS ARE ALWAYS ARMED,” the white Dalek proclaimed.

“—then why can’t they defend themselves?” Logan finished, shooting Roman a questioning glance.

Roman huffed, and looked away.

“At first they did,” the Janus explained. “But as I said, the automated systems cannot keep up with the influx. Wars are being fought over food and other resources as we speak. A starliner crashed on the surface mere days ago, and—”

“Ah,” Logan said slowly. “You’re afraid, with all the shifting alliances and new activity, that the mad Daleks will escape in the confusion.”

“We do not know who or what is behind the influx,” the Janus said. “But eventually, they will start coming with ships, or they will build them on the surface, or reach out to those who could attempt a rescue.”

“‘If sssomeone can get in, everything can get out’,” their Janus quoted darkly.

The other Janus nodded. “Even the Daleks agree, their mad brethren cannot be allowed to escape. We, of this assembly—”

They waved to the assembled crowd of aliens, who observed in eerie silence.

“—have decided that one planet must be sacrificed for the greater good of the universe.”

Roman slowly and deliberately drew his sword (which the Imagination had kindly left as part of his outfit). It rasped as it emerged, the sound hair-raising in the sudden lull.

Instantly every Dalek gunstick and alien weapon on the ship was primed and pointed at the four Sides.

“And if we refuse?” Roman said evenly.

“THE DOCTOR AND THE MASTER WILL COOPERATE,” the Supreme Dalek warned, its lights flashing balefully.

“COOPERATE! COOPERATE!” the cry was echoed by the other Daleks, filling the ship with a cacophony of robot voices.

The alien Janus shrugged, spreading their hands.

“You don’t really have a choice. If you want to live, that is.”

“Is that so.”

Roman tensed and sprang at the white Dalek, not giving himself time to think. He dodged a blast from its gunstick and leaped, bringing his sword down hard. This being the Imagination, the katana cut through the Dalek’s metal armor like butter, and it clattered to the deck in two pieces.

There was a shocked silence…but no retaliation.

“Well?” Roman shouted, spreading his arms and turning in a slow circle. “This is me, not cooperating. What are you waiting for? Are you really going to shoot us?”

If they all died on this spaceship…the worst that would happen is they’d be kicked from the Imagination, and that was what they wanted, anyway.

“Roman,” Logan warned quietly, pointing.

Roman looked.

The white Dalek’s shell was…laughing?

“Oh, Roman,” Remus’s crackly voice emerged from the fallen Dalek’s casing. “Roman, Roman, Roman. My poor brave brother who thinks he can solve all his problems with steel and bravado. Did you really think it would be that easy?”

Each word bit like sandpaper against Roman’s ears.

He growled, and stalked to the Dalek’s top half, snatching it up and quickly locating a tiny speaker.

“C’mon, Remus. End this stupid charade,” he said quietly, holding the casing to his face so he could speak quietly. “You’ve had your fun at my expense. Go back to your pile of severed limbs and gloat if you must, but end this. For Patton’s sake, if nothing else.”

“I’ve already told you, it’s out of my hands,” Remus responded; typically, annoyingly casual. “If you want to end the game, you have to come down here and find me.”

Roman exhaled, resting his head against the cold, bumpy metal for a moment. His eyes burned, but he was Prince; he wouldn’t cry, not here.

“Why must you make everything difficult?”

“Roman, in all seriousness,” Remus’s voice dropped. “I didn’t know you were taking Logan on a date tonight—”

“It’s not a date,” Roman hissed, glancing at the other Sides…one in particular.

“The Imagination brought me into this without asking, just like it pulled the others in,” Remus went on. “I am aware of what has to happen, but I did not cause this.”

“You’re lying,” Roman said tonelessly.

Remus’s whiny voice grew hard.

“I don’t lie, and you despise that about me. You hide so much shit from yourself that it baffles you when I refuse to do the same.”

“Look,” Remus added when Roman didn’t respond. “The Imagination is clearly trying to get our attention. Sure, it usually goes through one of us first, but it doesn’t have to. When it comes down to it, Thomas’s mind answers only to Thomas. ”

“How are you so sure?” Roman frowned.

Was Remus seriously suggesting the Imagination they both oversaw had gone rogue somehow?

“Because I don’t curate my side as meticulously as you do, brother.” Remus chuckled. “I listen. I let the Imagination do as she pleases, free from all those pesky ethics and morals and other boring boxes you always force her into, so that our sweet Thomas doesn’t fear the contents of his own head.”

“You expect me to believe that you know what’s going on because,” Roman let every ounce of disdain seep into his voice, “the Imagination talks to you, and not me…because you don’t make her behave?”

“You should try letting her loose sometimes,” Remus drawled, “or you’ll end up with a cane up your butt like Nerdy Wolverine over there.”

“Don’t call him that,” Roman spat.

“What you so-called ‘light sides’ always get wrong,” Remus went on, “is that the juicy stuff, the gruesome and grim, the ‘bad’ thoughts that filter up from the subconscious; they can’t all be locked away and ignored.” His voice dropped ominously. “Repression can be very bad indeed, you know.”

Roman’s reasonable nature knew that his brother, despite his infuriating attitude, was actually making some good points. Thomas had been dealing with a lot lately; the tension in the mindspace felt like a ticking clock, counting down to the next disaster.

But at that moment, Roman had no desire to humor his twin.

All he wanted to do was lock himself into his own room in the Dream Palace and spend the rest of the night writing sad poetry about love, or listing his mistakes to himself until he fell asleep.

“I just wanted to show Logan a good time,” he said aloud.

“And oh dear, apparently you couldn’t even manage that correctly,” Remus said, implacably. “So maybe you should use this opportunity to get your head out of your poopy ass, and reevaluate yourself.”

Roman slammed the Dalek shell against the floor.

It cracked upon impact, the wiring inside sparking and finally flickering down to darkness. He ran his hands through his hair, reminded, once again, why he hated talking to his brother.

Like looking in a funhouse mirror…

“Roman…” Patton sidled up behind him, laying a cold hand on his back. Roman shoved the metal arm away and stalked back to the others.

“Let’s just get this done,” he said in a low voice.

“You will need these,” the alien Janus said, pushing a button on a nearby console. A translucent vertical tube rose from a gap in the floor, holding three bulky black bracelets.

“Ah yes, I remember this,” Logan said, striding forward and taking a bracelet.

“They will prevent—” the Janus started.

“The nano cloud from converting us into Dalek puppets, yes?” Logan interrupted, snapping the bracelet onto his wrist and handing another to Roman.

The nerd is getting into this, Roman thought as he put it on. I guess that’s something.

“The cloud is only active in certain areas of the asylum,” the Janus warned them again. “And those change as different factions seize control of different areas and weaponize them.”

Patton hesitantly raised a hand.

“Um, Mx. Alien, I can’t help but notice that there are only three bracelets, and four of us?”

Logan frowned. “But Patton, why would you—?”

“I’m sure it’s because I’m part snake, Patton,” Janus interrupted smoothly, swooping in to grab the last bracelet and snapping it onto Patton’s arm.

Roman exchanged an alarmed look with Logan; that was the last bit of confirmation he needed. Patton really was unaware that he was a Cyberman.

But why on earth would Janus go to such lengths to keep him in the dark about it? Even leaving aside the fact that Patton was a walking weapon; being a machine, he didn’t need protection from the nano cloud at all.

Whereas Janus…probably did.

But when Roman opened his mouth, Janus shot him a look full of daggers and promises of pain, and shook his head. Roman rolled his eyes and mentally washed his hands of the situation.

Typical Deceit. Protecting his lies.

At least Patton would be twice-protected. If the snake wanted to risk his life for a lie, let him.

“The gravity beam will convey you close to the crashed starliner,” the alien Janus said, and then there were Dalek blasters being shoved into their backs, propelling them toward the hole in the floor.

“Oi,” Roman protested, “get your freaky little eggbeater appendages away from me, you AAAAHHHH!”

There was a push, and they were falling.

Chapter 7- Oxygen

“Look at this. Classic design. Pressure seals. Hinges. None of that ‘shuk shuk’ nonsense.”

“Space doors are supposed to go shuk shuk.”

“Are you gonna be like this all day?”

Janus was done.

He sat up with a groan, brushing snow from his jacket and vest, making sure his hat and gloves were still in place. Everything ached. Bad enough he never wanted to be part this stupid dream game in the first place; now he was probably going to literally turn into a Dalek.

All because the Imagination is being a dick and Patton doesn’t know he’s a killer robot.

Wind gusted around him, making Janus glad that the Master, like the Doctor, usually preferred long sleeves and a coat. He stood, turning in a slow circle as he took in the lay of the land. Nothing but snow and rocks; true to the episode, still.

The gravity beam had split into four as it hurled them at the planet, but Janus was reasonably sure at least one of the others had landed nearby.

He hoped it was Patton.

Not because he was concerned or anything. It was just that either of the others would be absolutely insufferable company, that’s all.

“Janus!” a metallic voice called, and Janus breathed a sigh of relief.

Patton’s Cyberman body clattered awkwardly down a nearby snowbank, sliding the last few feet to land in a heap.

“It is all kinds of chilly down here.” Patton stood, and waved rather nonsensically. “Hullo there, Janus, so ice to see you.”

Janus rolled his eyes. (He would deny to his dying day that the corner of his mouth twitched at the ridiculous pun.)

“If this scenario is consistent with its source material,” he said, gesturing to the closest ridge, “there should be an escape pod from that crashed ship nearby. Come on.”

He set off across the snow, Patton following in his wake.

“Say, what do snowmen call their offspring?”

Janus exhaled carefully. Hoo, boy, maybe Logan wouldn’t have been so bad…

“I haven’t the faintest.”

“Chill-dren!” Patton chortled at Janus’s grimace. “What did one snowman say to another?”

“St. Genesius spare me,” Janus grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What, pray tell, did one snowman say to another?”

“‘Do you smell carrots?’”

Janus quickly covered his mouth.

“You smiled,” Patton crooned.

“I most certainly did not.”

“Okay, okay, one more.” Patton scurried ahead and turned around, so that he was walking backwards. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?” Janus said flatly.

“Snow.” Patton hooked his thumbs into the metal rim at waist, like one might on a pair of pants. Janus swallowed and looked away.

“Snow who?”

“Snow laughing matter, Janus, I don’t know why you’re smiling.”

Janus snorted before he could hide it, and cleared his throat.

“I am not smiling, how dare you.”

“That’s twice now!” Patton cackled, the sound coming out all distorted. “Admit it.”

“I refuse,” Janus said, drawing himself up. “You won’t make a liar out of….”

Liar.

He felt the joke fall flat and cringed. Even though Patton’s metal face couldn’t react, those metal shoulders visibly stiffened.

Too soon.

Liar.

Too much history between them.

Besides, you are a liar, his mind whispered. Lies of omission are still lies, Deceit, and you’re doing that right now.

Janus gritted his teeth. They topped a ridge; the expected escaped pod lay half-buried near another ridge, across a flat stretch of snow. The two Sides glanced at each other and continued their journey in silence.

Patton seemed disinclined to continue his little pun war.

Janus badly wanted to say he hadn’t minded the punning, but truthfully, keeping silent was easier. Patton’s baffling ignorance over the state of his own “flesh” was starting to wear on Janus’s conscience. He knew the longer he kept it secret, the worse the fallout would be when Patton finally learned the truth.

The urge to come clean was an unfamiliar one for him, and extremely uncomfortable.

Ironic, the master liar, conflicted about maintaining a lie.

The old him would have laughed, but…the old him hadn’t heard the sincerity in Patton’s voice, when he’d spoken Janus’s true name aloud for the first time. The old him had assumed Thomas would reject him forever…because of Patton.

And then, with Janus still smarting from the sting of Roman’s mockery, Patton had said his name.

Patton had trusted him to take care of Thomas in his stead, when the moral Side knew he had failed at it. The memory still made all Janus’s scales tingle and his heart beat a little sideways.

The new him…this him…couldn’t find it in his small, shriveled, but very much present heart to risk pushing Patton away.

They reached the pod.

Muffled shouts and something that sounded like blaster fire filtered up from inside, making them exchange another glance.

Janus set a hand on the ice-crusted latch.

“Remember, we’ll have to fight our way through a bunch of dead Dalek puppets,” he reminded Patton.

“That’s a lot of noise for just a few puppets,” Patton said softly. “That canonically shouldn’t even be awake yet.”

“I know, and that is strange,” Janus agreed. “Maybe someone got here before us. But we won’t know exactly what to expect until we get down there.”

Patton sighed, a cloud of frost puffing out of his small, rectangular mouth.

Janus pushed the latch, popped his head in, and was met with a scene of utter chaos.

About six or seven human-Dalek puppets, with stalks sticking out of their heads and blasters sticking out of their hands, were locked in a fire fight with a horde of robotic humanoids that looked like they came from the Fourth Doctor’s era, if Janus remembered correctly. Round, bulky shoulders and faces that looked like metal sunbursts.

Both puppets and robots were using the seats as cover, blaster fire zinging back and forth and exploding against the walls in little showers of sparks. Janus and Patton would be directly in the blast zone when they jumped down, a little closer to the robot side.

“Well, someone definitely got here before us,” Janus muttered.

He withdrew his head and studied Patton. Honestly, with his metal body he’d be in far less danger, and those guns in his arms would actually be useful in this situation…but telling Patton he was a walking weapon, now, would definitely not go over well.

“The hatch down into the asylum should be in the cockpit of this thing,” he informed Patton. “There’s a lot of blaster fire, though, so—”

“—don’t get cold feet and hesitate?” Patton finished.

Something in Janus’s heart twisted…something he didn’t dare examine too closely.

“Say, Patton,” he said softly, looking away.

“Yes?”

“What did the hat say to the scarf?”

Patton turned his black Cyberman eyes on Janus.

“What?”

“‘You hang around, and I’ll go a-head’.” Janus let a smirk curl his lips.

Patton was silent for a moment, but then he began to giggle, covering his mouth.

Janus pulled out his sonic laser.

He dropped into the pod with a swing of his legs, catching one of the robots in its metal chest. It fell with a screech, careening into another of its kind, but by then Janus had gained his feet and ducked behind a seat. Patton clattered down behind, with less grace and far more noise…and a random Tivolian tumbled in directly after him.

Patton caught the rodent-faced alien with a startled shout, immediately dropping them again when they screamed and struggled. Janus blinked; where the hell did they come from?

The Tivolian tumbled across the pod’s floor, only making it a few feet before getting cut down with blaster bolts. Janus saw Patton cry out, and caught the Side before he could leap out and draw more hostile fire.

“It’s too late!” he shouted over the noise.

“I should have hung on!” Patton, if he’d had a proper face, would probably be in tears. He hated death. “I don’t know why they were so scared of me!”

Janus could answer that…

“I’m more curious about where they came from,” he said instead, frowning. “They surely weren’t up on the surface with us. It’s like they just teleported in, but Tivolians don’t teleport. They don’t have the technology—”

A blaster bolt exploded across the top of the seat they were hiding behind, showering them in sparks and forcing them both to duck.

“Janus!” Patton snapped. “We need to get out of here!”

“Right.” Janus brandished his sonic. “We’ll just have to run for it.”

He leaped out, activating his weapon, and discovered that a sonic laser had a very satisfying range and kickback. Forget the Doctor’s screwdriver, he thought, blasting a Dalek puppet aside and ducking another gun blast. I wonder if the Imagination will let me keep this…

A cold, dead hand seized the collar of his jacket, yanking him back.

Then there was a yell, a clatter, and Janus turned in time to see Patton blast a puppet with a fire extinguisher. The moral Side chuckled at Janus’s shocked expression.

“I’ve seen this episode too, you know,” he pointed out.

Janus huffed.

The two dodged and fought their way to the cockpit; Janus used his laser to seal the door behind them. For a moment they simply stood there, catching their breath.

(Well, Janus caught his. Did Patton even breathe, in that form?)

“Unauthorized personnel may not enter the cockpit.” Remus’s high-pitched voice came over the speaker system. “Unless it’s an actual pit full of cocks, in which case, where’s my invitation?”

Janus was going to need something a lot stronger than tea, once they finally got out of this mess.

“Remus, for god’s sake,” he grumbled.

“God has nothing to do with my cock, but if that’s how you want to roll…” One of the cockpit screens flickered to life, and there was Remus in all his ruffly, sparkly, mustached glory. Clara’s warm, messy cove spread out behind him, reds and yellows clashing horribly with the green of his sash.

Janus moved so that his chest and shoulders blocked the screen, to prevent Remus from catching sight of Patton. If Remus saw Patton as a Cyberman, Janus would never be able to convince him to keep his mouth shut.

“All right then, where do we find you?” Janus said. “And where did the others land? Not to mention our dear missing ball of anxiety.” He leaned forward, putting on his trademark smirk. “Come on, Re. You must know. One Other to another, you can tell me.”

“Aww, Jan Jan,” Remus crooned, also leaning forward. “You care.”

“I most certainly do not!” Janus sputtered, and cleared his throat. “Patton was worried about Virgil, that’s all.”

“I was?” Patton asked from the other side of the space. “I mean, of course I am, but—”

“But surely you can at least tell us why this scenario isn’t playing out quite like the episode it comes from,” Janus interjected smoothly. He didn’t want Remus to notice the metallic quality of Patton’s voice.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I’ve already told you everything that I know.” Remus shrugged. “Roman really did give the Imagination too much freedom.”

Janus frowned.

“Then how do you know the scenario will end when we find you?”

“I actually don’t! Isn’t it great?” Remus crowed, clapping his hands. “I love stories where anything could happen. We could all get vaporized, or have our flesh eaten by—”

“Remus, focus.” Janus pitched the bridge of his nose. “So, given what we know of this particular episode, you’re assuming that our main tasks are to come get you, and to drop the forcefield on the planet so the Daleks can blow it up.”

“That’s the idea, Double Dee!”

Behind him, Janus heard Patton make a weird, choked noise, and grimaced.

“By the way, Roman and Logan are already inside the asylum.” Remus grinned, the whites of his eyes flashing. “So if you want to catch up, you’d better scute those scaly asscheeks along. Check the floor for a breach; that will be your way out. A breach, ha! Like a butth—”

Janus pointed his laser and fired on the screen, cutting the transmission and sending sparks flying all over the cockpit. An awkward silence fell in which he turned to face Patton, who of course wore no visible expression.

This, and all the reasons for it, annoyed him further.

“I swear if you ask one question about scutes or scales,” he warned, holding up a finger.

“I wasn’t…going to.” Patton held up his hands. “Logan kind of taught us how to tune out the more, er, naughty things Remus says. But I am wondering,” he added hesitantly. “Are you…feeling okay?”

“Fabulous. Peachy,” Janus said flatly, kneeling to feel around on the floor. “Fantastic, allons-y, geronimo, what have you.”

“It’s just, you seem a little angry,” Patton went on. “And you remember, that’s, that’s the first step in being converted. Maybe you should wear the bracelet for a while? We can trade on and off…”

Patton’s fingers went to his wrist, but Janus stopped him with a gloved hand on top.

Tell him, an inner voice whispered. Tell him now, before this gets any more awkward.

“That’s sweet of you, but no, I’m merely frustrated,” Janus admitted. “I would very much like to get out of here, so I can return to the pleasant evening I was having before all thisss.”

He gestured irritatedly around them.

Patton joined him on the floor and together they found a person-sized hole, with a rope ladder hanging down.

“Hey, Janus,” Patton murmured, as they were about to start the long climb down. “Can I ask you something?”

“Why do I have a feeling you’re going to ask no matter what I say?” Janus said wryly.

“Do you remember when that puppet attacked you in the main part of the ship, and I fought it off with the fire extinguisher?” Patton ducked his head.

Janus raised an eyebrow.

“They hesitated, when they saw me.” Patton’s unnaturally black eyes met Janus’s. “That’s why I had time to grab the extinguisher.”

Janus swallowed, his heart starting to pound.

“Well, I’m sure they aren’t used to anyone fighting back—”

“No, they hesitated like…like I scared them or something,” Patton pressed. “It was weird, Janus. Please. If there’s something you need to tell me…you know you can.”

Janus’s mouth compressed into a flat line and he looked away, bitterness welling up inside him.

“Can I, Patton?” he asked softly, holding up a gloved hand. A yellow indictment of everything he was. “Can I really?”

Patton sighed, long and deep.

“Touché.”

Chapter 8- Extremis

“Something’s coming. And I’m blind. How can I see them when I’m lost in the dark?”

Logan awoke to someone shaking him.

He opened his eyes to an expanse of blurry blobs and color splotches, and Roman’s sharp, frantic face very close to his. His eyes have amber flecks, his brain noted inanely. But why is he clear when nothing else is…?

Roman threw his head back and exhaled in obvious relief when Logan groaned, blinking rapidly to clear his vision.

“Singing chimeras, Specs, I was starting to worry.”

Logan sat up and touched his bare face. Ah, there’s the problem.

“Where are my glasses?”

Roman was quiet.

Logan leaned closer to the other Side, squinting. Bad eyesight was such an annoyance. If only Thomas’s developing brain hadn’t decided early on that “smart and logical” also meant “stereotypically nerdy”, and pigeonholed his own sense of Logic into actually requiring corrective eyewear.

“Roman?” Logan tried again.

“Um. About that.”

Roman bit his lip, and handed over a smashed set of frames. Logan’s stomach sank as he examined them; the lenses were shattered beyond repair.

“I found them next to you like that, when I woke up,” Roman explained. “I’ve been trying to summon another pair, but for some reason the Imagination won’t let me!”

Logan pushed down a growing sense of dread, that he’d have to navigate the rest of this adventure half-blind.

“My glasses getting broken is obviously not your fault. We did fall down a rather deep hole,” he pointed out. “But what do you mean, the Imagination isn’t letting you?”

“I mean it’s not letting me!” Roman threw up his hands. “I could summon things on the TARDIS just fine, but now…” He sighed. “I am Creativity, right?”

Logan tilted his head and frowned.

“Is that…Roman, that is a nonsensical question. Of course you are.”

“So summoning a tiny object in my own dream scenario should be easy.” Roman hung his head.

“How long have you been trying?”

“Twenty minutes, maybe?” Roman shrugged, still not looking at him. “All that time, and yet still I fail.”

Logan resisted the urge to point out that twenty minutes should be long enough to realize a thing might be outside of one’s control, and to start brainstorming other options.

Stubborn fool.

“Maybe it’s just as well we picked the wedding over the callback,” Roman added darkly, an uncharacteristic glower twisting his face. “When Thomas’s Creativity apparently can’t even control his own dreams.”

Oh…this isn’t about glasses at all, is it? Logan swallowed around an achy sensation in his chest; the one he always got when something was wrong and Roman made that face and he just…needed to fix it.

Native English speakers have a passive vocabulary of around forty thousand words, he thought, frustrated. So why, in situations like this, am I constantly struggling to find the right thing to say?

The resigned set to Roman’s jaw prompted Logan to try.

“Your inability to summon things may not be your doing,” Logan said, laying a hand on Roman’s knee. “Perhaps the Imagination is attempting to impose a sense of realism on this adventure.”

“Realism,” Roman echoed flatly. “In Doctor Who.”

Logan huffed. “You must admit, summoning objects out of thin air does defy even time-traveling alien logic.”

Roman’s face twitched in the tiniest of smiles. “So why did it work before, Teach?”

“Maybe it only worked on the TARDIS because the ship already defies every known rule of physics.” Logan shrugged. “I admit I cannot possibly intuit the inner workings of the Imagination; I can only theorize from what I have observed thus far.”

Roman chuckled softly to himself, and bumped Logan’s shoulder.

“Aww, Nerd, I’m touched. You’re trying to logic me into feeling better.”

“Is it…working?” Logan asked.

“Kind of?” An unreadable expression flitted over Roman’s face. “At least one of us is still grounded in reality.”

“Where else could one possibly be grounded?”

Roman laughed outright at this.

“Oh, Logan. Never change, okay?”

He stood up, and pulled Logan to his feet as well.

“Where are we?” Logan asked, squinting.

He could tell they were in some large, open space; all blacks and browns and dull grays. Blurry domes of copper were scattered amongst what could be bits of fallen scaffolding or machinery.

Logan was also hyperaware of Roman’s warm arm pressed against his, and his own hand clasped tightly within the Prince’s larger grip. With everything else blurry, physical sensations were all the more distracting.

“Don’t panic, okay?” Roman started.

Logan scoffed.

“You are fortunate that I am not Virgil,” he commented wryly. “Because starting a sentence like that would almost certainly have caused him to panic.”

“Well, it’s just, do you remember that scene in the Dalek asylum episode where Rory wakes up in the hanger full of dead Daleks who turn out to be not actually dead?” Roman said in a rush. “Because…yeah.”

Oh. Logan swallowed.

“So, I am guessing that those copper domes are actually Daleks?” he said softly.

Roman snorted.

“Copper domes? Jeesh, your eyesight sucks.”

“I am aware,” Logan said flatly. “Which means you will have to guide us out. If I remember correctly, as long as we are quiet and don’t kick any pipes on the ground, we won’t wake them up.”

Roman let go of Logan’s hand… and replaced it with an arm wrapped around his waist. Logan only held back a squeak because it would have been extremely undignified.

“Hey, relax, I got you, Specs.” Roman’s breath ghosted over Logan’s ear. The Prince’s shorter stature allowed him to fit snugly against Logan’s side; if Roman turned his head, he could comfortably tuck his face into the crook of Logan’s neck.

Not…not that Logan imagined him doing any such thing.

Roman drew his sword with a metallic rasp, prompting Logan to pull out his screwdriver, and they set off across the floor.

It was a strange, vulnerable sensation, Logan thought, being this close to another, being forced to rely on him for direction…or maybe it was just that Roman’s Rose Tyler outfit left so much more skin on display than his usual royal attire…

To be fair, Roman’s bare arms and short skirt and leggings were the only non-blurry things in Logan’s line of sight at the moment.

“You know, I am not sure how much good a sword will do against a Dalek now,” Logan said dryly (to distract himself). “Since it would seem that the Imagination is now attempting to be realistic.”

“It’ll be a lot more useful than a screwdriver,” Roman retorted. “Honestly, the War Doctor had a point. The later seasons really do start to treat the sonic like a weapon, and it looks ridiculous. There’s an oily-looking puddle to your left.”

They dodged around it.

“The sonic screwdriver is an ingenious, multipurpose tool,” Logan argued. “Fitting for a character who is, at heart, a pacifist. In the right hands, it most certainly could serve as a weapon. For example one could scramble a Cyberman’s circuits, short out fuses, or calculate the precise amount of blunt force needed to take down an enemy.” Logan waved the hand with the screwdriver around them. “All things that a sword could not accomplish.”

“Sure,” Roman drawled, leading them around one of the still, silent Daleks, “but you don’t point a sonic at an oncoming Dalek and expect to survive. Even the Doctor had more sense than to try that. At least a sword could cut off its blaster arm.”

“We don’t know how strong Dalek amor is down here,” Logan pointed out. “You could end up breaking your sword and then where would we be?”

“Better off than we’d be while you assembled a cabinet at them!”

Logan’s foot collided with a metallic something that made an awful CLANG and went skittering across the floor. Roman pulled them up short, his face going pale.

All around them, round blue lights began to flicker on, one by one.

“I kicked the pipe, didn’t I?” Logan said, his heart starting to pound.

“You kicked the pipe,” Roman confirmed in a sick voice.

“EGGS…!” a crackly Dalek voice next to them stuttered, making them jump. “EG-EG-EG-EGGS…!” Its twin lights flashed erratically as it spoke.

“Roman,” Logan started.

“‘Eggs, you may laugh and that’s great…’” Roman sang in a wavering voice. “‘Your smiles are what make my day’…”

The Dalek rolled toward them creakily. “EEEEEGGS!”

Logan’s breathing sped up. Another Dalek rolled in from the other side, causing him to stumble. All around them, mechanical creaks and groans and a chorus of digitized voices rose up…

“EG…EG-EGGS…TERM…”

“Roman, I believe we need to run.” Logan could see the Dalek almost clearly now, its eyestalk glowing, its gunstick rising up.

“…IN…ATE…”

Blurry, flashing lights closed in.

“‘My self-worth’s fragile like an egg,’” Roman sang. The hand gripping Logan’s middle tightened painfully. “‘When it breaks it’s tough to put together again…’”

“EX…TERM…IN…ATE!”

“Roman!” Logan shouted. “Get us out of here!”

“EXTERMINATE!”

A blaster bolt warbled past and exploded over their heads.

Roman shuddered and seemed to snap out of it, seizing Logan’s arm and pulling him so hard he nearly fell. Logan staggered, hanging onto Roman’s hand for dear life as they ran, and ran, and blaster bolts burst at their feet and shattered around them.

“This way, boys and boys,” Remus’s voice sing-singed across the room. Roman yanked them hard in that direction.

“REMUS!” Roman shouted as they ran, and Logan was impressed he had the breath for it. “Remus, you better open that door like you’re supposed to or we are DEAD!”

“Oh, keep your pants on, brother,” Remus snarked, sounding a little closer. “Although maybe Logan would prefer that you didn’t—”

Whatever else he said wasn’t audible over a hanger full of jabbering Daleks and firing blasters.

They reached a wall and Roman shoved Logan down.

“Straight ahead, crawl. Go, go, go!” he said, turning and brandishing his sword.

Bless that Prince and his stupid, stupid bravery.

Logan went, nearly tripping over his coat as he crawled under the barely lifted hatch door. Once he was past the threshold Roman flung himself under and through, knocking into Logan and sending them both sliding across the floor.

There was a hiss and a heavy thud that Logan hoped was the door shutting behind them, and finally, blessed silence. They both leaned against the wall for a moment, catching their breath.

Roman thunked his head back.

“Jesus Christ Superstar,” he muttered.

“Your welcome.”

Remus’s voice crackled through the hallway. Roman growled and sat up straighter, looking around as if his brother would magically appear.

“I did just save your lives,” Remus added. From the direction of the sound, Logan guessed he was talking through a speaker somewhere on the far wall.

“Yeah, and I’m still gonna whip your butt when this is all over,” Roman groused.

“Oooh, do I get to choose the instrument?”

Roman sputtered, but Logan grabbed his arm before he could yell back.

“You know he just likes to get under your skin,” he murmured, and raised his voice. “Thank you for opening the door, Remus. We are grateful for your help.”

There was a silence on the other end, with a quality that Logan would have described as shocked.

“Well. You two lovebirds better move along,” Remus drawled finally, shrill as ever. “Before the Silurian army shows up.”

“Excuse me, the WHAT?” Logan exclaimed.

No answer.

“Remus!” Roman clambered to his feet and helped Logan up.

Nothing.

Except now that Logan was listening for it, he definitely heard approaching footsteps and murmuring, heavily-accented voices. And they were getting closer.

“That dick,” Roman grumbled through gritted teeth.

“To be fair, I think he is trying to help,” Logan pointed out. “In his own way.”

“Don’t be fair to my brother when he’s just led us out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

“We are neither in a pan nor on fire, Roman; I have never understood that saying—”

The lights dimmed and flashed an eerie purple; Roman silenced him with a hand over his mouth. There was a voice…not Remus’s, not alien, not like anything Logan had ever heard. It chanted something, over and over again, before fading out.

The lights flared back to normal.

Logan waited, counting Roman’s shallow breaths against his neck.

Nothing.

“What was that?” he asked softly.

“Beats the hell out of me,” Roman responded. “But I guess that’s our cue to go. Stay close, Mr. Magoo.”

Logan grumbled, but allowed Roman to recapture his hand and lead them in the opposite direction of the approaching footsteps…which had resumed the moment the purple light vanished.

Next time Roman asked him to come on an adventure, he was bringing a spare set of glasses.

[rachelthompsonauthor]

What is social proof? It’s a marketing concept that we are all inadvertently, unknowingly contributing to every time we click on, retweet, like, reply or comment, and share any kind of social media, article, or blog post on the net. Technically, social proof, as defined by Sprout Social is:

The concept that people will follow the actions of the masses. The idea is that since so many other people behave in a certain way, it must be the correct behavior.

Social Proof and Me

As an author, social media is a hugely important part of my author platform, as it is for any writer or blogger. This is how we connect with readers now, even before the pandemic. Virtual, online events are now the norm. Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Live video discussions are the new book signings. Twitter chats are weekly on any number of topics; I have two of my own, in fact, #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est.

All important for visibility, branding, and most importantly, connection.

However…there’s a limit. I reached my limit over the course of this past year. It didn’t come all at once. It came, little by little, reaching a peak this past month or so.

Why? How? Me, the so-called social media expert?

Access. Like many people, I have issues with the incredible level of access Facebook gives people once we friend them without our consent. PMs (private messages) are automatic, now with the ability for people to call, voice, and video message us, with no option to shut these options to OFF unless we unfriend the person (we can, however, mute a specific conversation). Technically, we do give them consent in the legal mumbo jumbo we all agreed to when we joined back in the 2010s.

I am not okay with this. And Facebook doesn’t care. Nobody cares. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, Karen. Shut up, already. Stop your whining, white lady.” I get it. I do. First-world problems.

I counter with: I hear you. It’s also part of my business. A huge part. Here’s why:

As someone who manages over 70+ various social media accounts as part of my BadRedhead Media business, plus my own accounts as well, Facebook requires I have a personal account in order to manage all those other Pages. I do understand why, particularly with all the ridiculousness of the past four years with the abundance of fake accounts, fake news, and such.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and stalking, this is ultra-concerning to me. So, what happened this past month or so? Suffice it to say, one person repeatedly tried calling me. I never pick up Facebook calls, especially if I don’t know you. Another left me a few voice messages saying they were offended by something.

Yet another left me another message in ALL SHOUTY CAPS that she didn’t find what I posted inspirational enough and she expected better from someone who is “supposedly on the side of authors.”

Oh, and there is the one lady who started replying on ALL my posts to the kind people who did comment that she didn’t think I replied often enough or to her satisfaction.

Well. I’ve been criticized before. You should read some of my 1-star reviews. There’s plenty!

But, for whatever reason, this struck a chord. I got up in my feels. I cried. I talked with one of them and we worked it out because we like and respect each other’s work in the mental health space. The others I blocked. It’s darn frustrating to donate hours of my time each week to helping writers solely because I want to, only to be told it’s not enough. Like, seriously? Fuck off.

My blood raged. My heart sank. Understandable, right?

But what really made me angry is that I put myself in that position by being available. I accepted that ‘it is what it is.’ This is what the social media platforms have given us, so that’s what I have to work within.

I’m too available. It’s too easy to leave me shitty messages. This is why people hire people like me – to handle this crap for them! So they don’t have to read these ridiculous criticisms from judgy people who apparently have nothing better to do or are having a bad day.

And I get bad days. It’s a damn pandemic. We’re all struggling. Where’s the damn compassion for one another?

I have a dislike/hate relationship with Facebook anyway, since about ten or so years ago when I discovered that a past love had died by suicide by going to his personal profile and seeing, “RIP dude,” messages there. We had spoken early that day. It still haunts me.

So…what to do? I’m claiming my time. I’m not posting to my personal Facebook profile right now. I’m ignoring it. I am checking my Pages and of course, my client Pages. When I feel like I can face it again, I will cull my ‘friends’ down from *checks real quick* 4385 people to maybe, I don’t know, the few hundred in my groups, many of whom I do know and treasure.

Social Proof and You

If you’re a writer, social proof matters. This is the world we live in. Publishing is not only writing.

You need to be ‘findable,’ not only on Google, but also on each individual social platform, so your readers can learn more about you and hopefully, buy your books. If you go the traditional route, publishers and agents want to know how many followers you have (easily upped by buying fake followers or likes from Fiverr or wherever). I suggest not doing that, because:

1) fake followers don’t buy books 

2) it’s usually pretty obvious when you have fake followers because they’re all foreign names, have questionable bios, and no tweets

3) do you really want to start your publishing career with a lie? 

They also want to know what you post, how often, and what your branding is. If you’re an indie author, honestly, the same applies. Social proof is about connection, building relationships, and authenticity. I’ve believed that since I started my business and writing career way back in 2011, and I stand by it now. Start slow, grow slow. It’s not a race.

I’m the furthest thing you’ll even find from a conspiracy theorist – I don’t believe in chemtrails, pizza parlor cabals, or that the earth is flat. However, I am a realist. Watch The Social Dilemma sometime. These huge tech companies share our data without our knowledge or consent (Cambridge Analytics, anyone?). Younger generations are so used to this, they don’t really care – ask them.

(My kids think having a chip implanted in their hands with all their data is a fabulous idea. “So much easier than having to talk and repeat everything over and over. Just scan me and be done with it,” says my daughter Anya (21). “Agree,” grunts my son, Lukas (15). Buy stuff, go to the doctor, whatever. Scan and go. Talk with any GenZ kid, you’ll likely get a similar answer. They’ve been tracked since birth everywhere. They don’t know life without a computer, tablet, or phone in their hands.)

Know that whatever we do, it’s all part of each platforms’ AI, and they share data, which is why that darling pair of shoes you just saw on Amazon is now showing up on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and every website you visit going forward. It’s all about the money, and they all get a piece of that affiliate link.

Every bit of every click is recorded, even when you’re watching videos on YouTube, or a subscription service like Netflix, or perusing goods on Amazon. It’s all connected. I’m not shocked or surprised by any of this, are you?

It’s Not Personal

What people say to us and about us is ultimately incredibly revealing about them. We know this, at an intellectual, psychological, and emotional level. Still, when people say mean things, it hurts. We’re human.

Does it matter in the overall scope of our lives? Who can say. It matters at that moment. It can matter when it comes to overall visibility when you’re marketing your book(s) or trying to get that book contract or interview. Only you can say if it matters to you.

Already a longtime fan of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took a moment to reorient myself with this one agreement: Don’t take anything personally. I also stumbled across an excellent short and entertaining TEDTalk by Frederick Imbo. His main message to stop taking things personally is two-fold;

It’s not about me. Look at the other person’s intention and

It IS about me. Give yourself some empathy. Speak up. Ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel and be vulnerable with your needs.

I’m glad I was able to, inadvertently, employ point #2 and work out some issues with one of the people by telling him what he said made me cry. He apologized. I apologized. We talked it through and we’re still friends.

Ultimately, social media is what we contribute to it. What we make it. How much we allow of it into our lives. Social proof is going along with the tide. I’ve been in this space since 2008. Being connected to others is a big part of the work I do to help and support not only other writers, but also other childhood sexual abuse survivors. However, I’ve reached that point. I knew it was coming.

I’m not shutting my doors. I’m just adding a screen. With a strong lock.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

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via Rachel Thompson

[messiisgodibeliveinhim]

Just Another Rant

Okay, so why do NCTzens have a hate boner for Taeyong??? It's so f*cking weird, it doesn't make sense.

Taeyong has been under NCTzens' microscope since his debut. Everything he does is dissected and twisted into something its not. No other member of NCT or any group (except maybe Jennie from Blackpink) is treated this way by the group's fans. NCTzens want Taeyong to be the villain so bad, that they're willing to stoop as low as dehumanizing, body shaming and wishing d3ath on him. NCTzens dislike him, some even hate him and they're not very subtle about it.

Now, I'm not saying all NCTzens are TY antis. I have moots on Twitter who dont stan him, but are incredibly respectful towards him and acknowledge his talents and hardwork. If you're one of them, then this rant is not about you. But i will say this, if it isnt all NCTzens who anti Taeyong, it's most of them.

It started with Lines and Screentime distribution for NCT songs and mvs. Now, i agree that Taeyong used to get a little more lines and screentime than the others at first. But instead of calling out SM, most of you targeted Taeyong saying he deliberately stole the said lines and screentime from his members so that he'd get to shine more..... Really???

Next, when he was announced as a member of SuperM, NCTzens were clearly upset it wasn't Johhny or Jaehyun. Do you wanna know why??? No, they didnt talk about talent. Instead, they wanted Jaehyun/Johhny instead of Taeyong because SuperM is a group targeted at the western audience and Jn & Jh knew to speak English better than TY..... Okay.

And it keeps getting worse.

-NCTzens saying that TY goes into the recording studio to record his solo songs, by LOCKING OUT the rest of NCT, so that they wont get to record their solo stuff.

-That TY is SM's Golden Boy cuz he 'gETs a LoT of SoLO pRoMos anD cENter TiMe', completely refusing to understand what 'SOLO PROMO' means or see how overworked and mistreated he is by his own company.

-When TyongFs praise TY about anything, NCTzens always, ALWAYS insert their faves in the post. Like, go make your own post maybe???

/Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY dances like he has a sq*irrel in his pants, raps like d*g, looks like a skeleton etc etc. And these are just mild stuff i mentioned here. NCTzens are so much worse when it comes to body shaming and dehumanizing him. And when we call them out for it, thay have the audacity to say that its a JOKE and we're STUPID for not having 'A Sense of Humor'....

/End of Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY's main dancer/main rapper/main visual/leader/center positions should go to their faves cuz their fave 'iS So mUcH beTTeR aT TheSe pOsiTIOns'. Yeah.... sure..... NCTzens rarely talk about the positions other members have , but are really obsessed with Taeyong's.

-NCTzens still denying that Taeyong is NCT's leader and that he's really good at it. Just yesterday, a Wayzennie (also a TY anti) started spewing sh*t about Taeyong's leadership. And their arguement??? That they have 'lEAdeRsHiP eXpEriEncE iN UnI, WoRk aND ouTsIDe wOrK' and that makes them an expert about leading a 23 member global kpop group, who had a rough start what with their controversial 'unlimited' concept and experimental songs. Sure, Jan.

(Also, the thing where some Wayzennies are still not accepting that TY is the leader of whole of NCT, cuz Kun is WayV's leader..... Seriously, though its not that hard to understand. Kun IS and WILL remain the leader of WayV, a 7 member group. That's a fact. But when the subunits (127, Dream and WayV) come together for projects (ex: NCT 2018 and NCT 2020), Taeyong becomes the overall leader. But since these Wayzennies are still on their WayV not being part of NCT agenda, they're simply ignore this. Go figure.)

- Oh, but when some other member in NCT messes up, it suddenly becomes Taeyong's responsibility cuz 'HE'S THE LEADER'. Funny, how NCTzens change narratives quickly. Also, weird how, according to NCTzens, NCT members suddenly can't think for themselves even though they're grown adults and need Taeyong to take the blame for them. Haha.....

-Also, NCTzens guilt tripping TyongFs from canceling NCT Beyond Live tickets when they got to know that he was injured and wont be participating in the concert a little too late, cuz "Taeyong, as a leader, would be sooo upseeet that his group wont be getting TyongFs' money and he'd feel sooo guiltyyy that y'all are getting refunds of your OWN money that YOU CHOSE to spent and its not my business at all. But damn, y'all are sooo selfish!!!!"

-NCTzens posting about how overjoyed they are that TY is injured cuz that means their faves get to shine..... "Look how MY FAVE killed TY's part" "MY FAVE ate Taeyong up" "Should've put MY FAVE in the OG line up instead of Taeyong" "MY FAVE made TY's part as his own" "Thank god, MY FAVE got to show off his talents, now that Taeyong isnt here". God, if i were one of the Neos whose fans say sh*t like this, it would've felt like a slap to my face. Honestly, tell me, do y'all really think so low of your faves? Do you really think they cant shine even with TY being on stage? They absolutely can, but you're focus is not on them, is it? Way to embarrass yourself.

-NCTzens blaming Taeyong for NCT's slow rise to fame because of the false rumors/allegations pinned on him by nasty people. They say Taeyong was the sole reason for NCT not being liked by many, not because of their confusing/complicated concept or the music. Yeah, you heard me. NCTzens are not above victim blaming and pointing fingers, cuz they are not ready to accept the fact that Taeyong was the one who carried the group on his back all the way.

-And how they can't stand the fact that TY gets praised by proffesionals or non-fans or locals. A dance analyzer analyzed 127's Kick It and at the end stated that Taeyong was the best dancer in 127. And what did NCTzens do. They bullied the analyzer to the point that they deleted the video, just cuz their fave was not named the best. A reactor reacts to Taeyong's Long Flight and the comments on the videos are along the lines of 'Hey, MY FAVE'S also has a solo song too. You should definitely react to that' or when they're tryna be subtle (but not really), they go 'Taeyong is soo good but you should also check out MY FAVE'S blah blah blah'

Hell, even when TyongFs say 'Taeyong is very so creative, by coming up with BDLI Jungle Gym concept and the MAW chandelier thing. He's literally an Idea Bank', and NCTzens go 'All the Neos are idea banks' in the same post.

When TyongFs say 'Taeyong is the really so handsome. NCT's main visual', they go 'All the Neos are main visuals'

Lmao, just 3 days ago, someone commented 'Taeyong is cute' under a tiktok video and an NCTzen just couldn't help but fume about it and went 'All Neos are cute'🙄

Like seriously, this is sooo annoying. Make your own goddamn post about the rest of NCT, ffs! Why do you to insert anyone else in a Taeyong tweet? Literally, can't let Taeyong have a moment for himself.

-Recently, Taeyong released 2 solo demo tracks on SoundCloud- Dark Clouds and Dark Clouds Remix (check it out here: https://soundcloud.com/eh_ovo_taeyong). And NCTzens being NCTzens started those who never even promoted Kun's SoundCloud before started promoting it under every TY tweet on the same day. Now, i don't have a problem with them promoting Kun's SC. But they could've done it any other day or made their own tweet about it. But doing it under every TY promo tweet and on the very same day? Really??? And some of them had the audacity to say that TY was getting free clout from Kun cuz Kun followed him on SC.....😑😑😑

-NCTzens have this weird belief that TY is getting solo promos and is being pushed by SM. What on earth are they talking about? Taeyong being center, main rapper and main dancer of the group is not solo promo. Him being in SuperM is not solo promo. Him opening Instagram and SoundCloud is not solo promo, but self promo- which means HE'S promoting himself, not SM. Solo promo is usually provided to the artist by the company in the form of photoshoots, accepting brand deals, releasing the artist's solo music etc and SM isnt doing sh*t for Taeyong. All they're doing is overworking him and milking him for money. That's it. And i want NCTzens to understand that.

And the list goes on and on and on. This weird hate boner NCTzens have for Taeyong is so bizarre to me. All Taeyong does is sing, rap, dance, talk cutely, take care of his fishes and play games with Baekhyun. And this somehow gets NCTzens mad. They constantly discredit him, try to make him seem less than what he actually is, insert everyone else when someone is talking just about him, make him seem like a villain by twisting his words or actions and making it into a big deal.... *sigh* Its so unbelievable how low NCTzens can stoop. And it gets tiring real quick.

N E Ways, this is everything i wanted to rant about and damn, this turned out to be too lengthy. Now, if you havent followed Taeyong on his Instagram, please do @eh_evo_nct. Stream Long Flight, his one and only solo station. And please look forward to BaekhyunxTaeyong collab on Taeyong's SoundCloud.

Ciao!

[struwwelzeter]

I’m so fucking tired. We’re just NOW cancelling Till over a three year old interview that everyone already knows about, because a deeply traumatized man wasn’t fixed by talk therapy so he struggles to understand it. Fuck this fandom, I have never seen such a concentrated bunch of cancel-happy babies who get offended by everything. There’s some great people in this fandom but most of it is a dumpster fire.

To be fair, I think the majority of people being assholes on twitter aren’t fans. But yeah, every “uh this is going to far now” person should take a long hard look at themselves. And realise: that damn bad article omitted a small but important “for me personally” and “often” from the original quote. It’s low life click bait journalism that even Bild wouldn’t put out everyday. The way the same people post #ShutUpBild like they’re oh so beyond being manipulated and then fall for this bullshit is just beyond words.

I found out about it by a tweet from a mental health activist that I follow(ed) because he tweets about his depression very openly and with justfied anger, and he got very upset. And I hate that, that these so called magazine are less so targeting the musicians (Till won’t give a damn), but that this article is written to target and offend people that will get triggered because they are hurting and read something that is completely dismissing their experience ... based on a lie by omission.

Another thing: Something I generally dislike about mental health being discussed on social media is the way people dismiss the fact that alot of people have been raised with the fact that mental illness isn’t real, and that it’s very hard to defeat those voices in yourself. Instead of reacting to it with compassion, everyone who is doubtful or just has bad experiences with therapy (maybe because they themselves weren’t ready) get’s bashed as “dismissing people’s experience.” Half of this stuff is people being in toxic environmemts and having no tools whatsoever to connect with those parts in themselves. They’re victims of stigmatisation too, not the main cause of it. And I really think that is disgusting, this neverending scream for compassion and the total unwillingness to extend it to people who say things that are wrong because they don’t know better.

And I don’t think that’s Till anyway. For some people, therapy simply does not work. There is literature about that too, and we should talk about that. Because I’m less worried about a fan who reads that and feels invaldidated - I don’t think that happens that often. The people into his work often know better why they’re into it. What I’m worried about is that someone with depression, for whom therapy also just doesn’t work, reads all these vicious tweets and feels like a failure for not succeeding in getting treatment. Because that also happens, alot actually, and we don’t talk about those people that fall through the cracks. Therapy isn’t a fix all. The comparsion with that “would you tell a person with a broken arm to just get it together” is flawed, because a broken arm is a physical, fairly straightforward thing that oftentimes can be fixed by going to see a doctor and letting it fix it for you. Depression is self work, it relies on yourself and your ability to reflect and readiness to commit and healing it is a damn lot harder than fixing a broken arm. And we don’t talk about that enough. Alot of those tweets are way crueler than anything Till said - and didn’t even say to that extend because that article was a lie.

I don’t know, as someone who also struggles with seeing a huge benefit in therapy (the only real thing it did for me was giving me a sick leave which was honestly the main thing I needed) I found the entire thing super hurtful - meanwhile what Till said I was ok with and at max worried for him.

I’m in general so sick of cancel culture. People make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. I think that is horrible. For most of us the day on which we ourselves will make a terrible mistake will come. It might even be years of missguided blindness. When you come back from that, wouldn’t you want people to forgive you for that? And can you expect forgiveness if you can’t extend it yourself?

[ace-trainer-risu]

omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off. 

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book. 

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half. 

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text. 

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes.  *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly! 

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!). 

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape. 

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing. 

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you. 

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

[crollalanzaa]

My Haikyuu Thoughts

(reposted from twitter)

I started the manga 23/6/14 largely because there was a void left by me falling out of HP which RL and PJO wasn’t filling. I saw Hinata art on viria’s tumblr and was, ‘oh, who he?’  I think I watched a bit of the anime but had not thought much of it ???

So there was this kid who was irritatingly enthusiastic and embarrassingly bad at volleyball and it was all the cringe making stuff I hate because I’m not into vicarious humiliation, but as I read on, and he hit that perfect shot and yelled ‘ALL RIIIIIGHT!’ I was almost hooked.

Then he appeared and you know who I mean. It wasn’t the appearance at the middle school match but turning up at the gym, realising his place was now under threat, but going out of his way to make sure the two idiots bonded on court.

I was intrigued and more than a little koo-koo  over Suga, but still not absolutely hooked. The point where I knew this was not only my thing but a story which was going to reel me in was the Neighbourhood match. The drama of the Asahi/Suga/Nishinoya dynamic was one thing. Asahi calling for the toss still sends shivers up and down my spine and yet ... what hooked me was the adults leaving the match, their conversation as they went back to their normal lives They laughed with fondness and nostalgia about the drama of HS volleyball and   as an adult reading that, it suddenly transcended the kids/teen lit I’d thought it would be (nothing wrong with that -I often prefer this genre because books written for my demographic I find samey and overly romance or abuse based) because we had normal people like me who’d left their HS dreams in the gym (or the drama studio for me) but were happy(ish) in their everyday lives and enthusiastic about volleyball as a hobby. When Shimada put himself out to help Yamaguchi. When Saeko put herself out to get the idiots to Tokyo, it felt like they were falling for these kids and this team like me.

Reel back a bit. Hq had been going for two years when I jumped in. I binge read everything in two days, finishing at 112 (I think). Back in the day, my friend, we were relying on fan translations. There was no official site, and the translators did it all for love,  which was wonderful but there was a lot of debate about reading for free and waiting for the translation could be tortuous. I wanted to support Furudate but couldn’t buy the physical copies. It was suggested at one point that Eng speaking fans shouldn’t be a part of the fandom  - not by anyone remotely official, you understand -  but that was the state of things in 2014. I bought official merch instead and watched the anime while I waited for 113 to drop.

So forward to 117. If you ever want to know why I still catch my breath and laugh a little at the Daichi Dead moment it’s because we all had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find out what the high heck was wrong with him. I genuinely thought he’d wrecked his shoulder and was distraught because there was no way they’d win everything with the Captain out!

(Of course I had no real idea about Ennoshita stepping up to the plate, but that’s another story) The discovery it was a tooth had me SCREECHING! So relieved. I yelled to one of my first hq friends (who’s now deactivated) and then casually went to France with friends -hahaha.

I’ve done complete 180s on so many characters now that it’s safe to say I never trust the initial narrative Kags, Tsukki, Yams (come on, he was Tsukki’s mate giggling in corners over Hinata’s ineptitude. It was only when he saw what Hinata could do he stopped being a sock puppet).  

 The biggest turn around was on Oikawa who I hated to the point where I threw things at my laptop when he appeared. It wasn’t so much him as everyone going ka-ka over him which pissed off my withered adult heart. What changed was forcing myself to write him for an IwaOi week. I reread/rewatched his story and through Hajime’s eyes I began to appreciate him. I wrote Philos as an Achilles/Patroclus reincarnation type fic and that led on and on. And this is what Furudate does so well. Gives you a ‘villain’ then adds the backstory so they’re a hero.

Disliked Tendou, too but his Farewell My Paradise, his acceptance of defeat and the way he was such a good sport about it, made me gasp. And I love love love his new career.

It’s the appreciation of amazing play by the opposition which made me fall hard for Inarizaki and Atsumu. (Look at him here! Punt him out the f*cking window!) I’d learnt not to automatically hate anyone, so I reserved judgment. Moment I decided I liked him? Setting for Kags.

Moment I decided I loved him - getting laughed at by Osamu.

Before this turns into an Atsumu appreciation thread, let me tell you about the characters I was indifferent to but then warmed towards. The main one was because one of my earliest hq friends (yes, you Megan) likes him and through her eyes I started to appreciate the hngg that is Konoha Akinori 

When I first started reading hq, I did some searches on tumblr and came across quite explicit Kuroken fanart, so I was understandably nervous meeting those Nekoma boys.   Although I’m still ultra fond of the kurokens I wrote, hindsight is a dreadful thing when you see how off your assumptions and hcs were. But in retrospect I don’t think anyone envisaged quite how dorky and shy Kuroo had been as a boy. The error I laugh over the most is somehow transplanting Yaku’s personality into Kai and vice versa, but that’s what happens when you write before canon is done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Could I have held off writing for six years - nyope. Not a chance. Watching the story unfold, week after week, year after year has honestly been the happiest part of my life. Is that sad? Is it melodramatic? 

Perhaps. But it has brought me so much apart from a fantastic story. Found friends. A shelter from when real life’s shit. And so many laughs. I still on occasion burst out laughing in the street when I think about Hinata forgetting to spike, or a daft hc shared on twitter. Still sigh a little over the ppl who said they’d leave when their team lost. Remember the time I was warned not to celebrate the Crows winning because it would upset the Seijou fans. I restricted myself to a brief yay then deleted. All nonsense, because most of the Seijou fans I was friendly with accepted the narrative with a bit of wistfulness and looked forward to the next chapter. And for those who wept that Oikawa ‘deserved to win’ they received their own message from Tooru that his ‘worthless pride’ meant something and he was still a winner! 

Oikawa Tooru’s journey perfectly illustrated the idea that your life doesn’t end at High School, that your path is never fixed, and you’re not only made of your achievements but perhaps more so by the doubts and failures. We saw that more recently with the strongest player    Ushijima Wakatoshi whose recent backstory with Iwaizumi has at last made me warm to him. (Iwa-chan has this effect!) 

 There are so many stories to relate to. So many moments. Yachi and Suga overthinking. Kiyoko finding something else she was passionate about. Asahi returning. 

You all know I write and some of you know I’m an amateur actor - both of these rely on a certain amount of internal motivation but also external validation. What if the story flops? What if I dry on stage? ‘What if’ can become a never-ending mantra. So when Hirugami’s story appeared, where despite being amazing at volleyball it was making him miserable, until Hoshiumi suggested he could quit and that freed him - it sang to me.  I’ve been through ups and downs with writing, and much as I love acting it can takeover especially the worry that you’ll fuck up. I know I won’t set the world alight and that used to ‘Concern’ me, but partly thanks to this story and also my hq tl, I’ve realised it’s  unimportant.

If I fuck up on stage, I might throw off other people, but no one will die. If no one reads my fic, I won’t die. If I never write another fic ... no one will die except for the fictional characters and my headcanons. And even then they’re still alive in my head.

And look, I have so many ppl to thank who’ve made this journey with me and supported me all the way, but I’m too scared of missing people out and in a way everyone has helped. But none more than the creator. So Thank you Furudate and Haikyuu for everything. 

Great Receive!

[lovemesomesurveys]

I take it you like someone? If so, who do you like? Nope, you’re wrong.

Any sexual stuff happen in the past two months? Nope.

Is your phone right next to you, or at least close by? Yeah, it’s near me.

What windows are open on your computer right now? This one and YouTube. 

Anything you would like to say to someone? Nah.

Last place you went besides your house? The doctor on Tuesday.

Have you ever wanted someone so bad, and then they completely stopped talking to you? Yes. 

Who is the last person to call you? My mom just did to ask me about something I wanted at the store.

What was the last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same ol’ thing.

Was 2013 a good year for you? That was the year I got super drunk and sick at my birthday and haven’t had a drop of alcohol since and also when Joseph ended things between us for good. Those are the things that stand out for me that year...

Do any of your friends dislike each other? I don’t have any friends.

Who knows your biggest secret? I don’t really have like a “big” secret.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Not romantic feelings, no.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I mean, I’d be curious as to why.

Are you in a good mood? I’m tired and annoyed. I saw there was a Fruity Pebbles creamer and as someone who loves Fruity Pebbles, I wanted to try it thinking obviously it was going to be good. Well, it was not. It was disgusting, 10/10 would NOT recommend. So disappointing. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any other creamer so I was SOL. That means I haven’t had coffee and that’s not good. Fortunately for me, my mom had to go back to the store for dinner so she’s getting me creamer. Now I’m just impatiently waiting for her to get back, ha.

Do you think ex’s can remain friends? It happens for some.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Are you starting to realize anything? Umm. Nothing new.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? I’m waiting for my mom to get back with the creamer.

Could you go a day without eating? It happens once in awhile. I have a messed up appetite and stomach issues and sometimes I don’t want to eat anything. Or when I’m really sick. I don’t often go full days without eating at least something, though.

How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? Zero.

What are you doing right now, besides this? That’s it.

When you listen to a new song, do you usually play it over and over? Not back to back, but I’ll listen to it often.

You’re single, right? Correct.

How’s that going for you? It’s fine. Definitely for the best.

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yes.

Who’s the first person you spoke to in 2014? I probably was at my friend’s house for New Year’s Eve that year.

Do you ever want to get married? No.

How was your Saturday night? It was fine.

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? No.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? My mom texted me back “yes” in response to my question. I love my mom, she and I are very close.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? Nope. I’ve never had one.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? I can’t think of one at the moment.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? After a day of doing nothing I’m in pain, so.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yeah. YouTube, Kindle, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram are the ones I use most often.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? My mom and brother. They just are.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? An English teacher out of the two. I couldn’t handle anything in the medical field.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? The two guys I had a thing with were both a year younger than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Oh, just the usual stuff.

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? That’s not something I’m looking for.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Yeah.

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? Nope. It’s just another day for me.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? No. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff.

When you need to remember something how do you usually go about doing so? I use my reminder or calendar app on my phone.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? No.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? Nope. What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don’t care?

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? Walmart is where we do our grocery shopping and other household stuff and my mom and I have always start at the side with shampoo, soap, toothpaste, medicine, etc and work our way around to the food. As for Target, I just head straight in usually and walk around the store.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my parents, brother, and doggo. I have no desire to live alone.

What is the last online purchase you made? Journaling stuff and a Bible study book.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? I always felt like absolute shit around that time.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? Nope.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s thin.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? I’ve had online friends who were from different states or countries.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I don’t mind it.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? I’ve never had a job, so no.

What would you say is your worst habit? Picking at my face. :X

What is the weather currently like where you live? It’s been in the 50s F.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without their shirt on? No.

Do you believe the last person you kissed still cares about you? Nope. I honestly feel like he forgot I even exist. 

Who was the first person you saw this morning? My mom.

Do you worry your last ex will move on and be happier with another person? I’m sure he has and that’s great for him. It’s been several years, I’ve long since moved on.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? Surveys and watching YouTube videos.

Are you a jealous person? I can be, but I honestly haven’t felt that in years.

What does your last text say? “Yes.”

Would you hug the last person you hugged again? Yes.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Has the last person you kissed ever made you cry? Yes.

Are you excited for anything? No.

How are you feeling right now? Tired and hungry.

What are you doing right now? Just this.

What should you be doing right now? I don’t have anything else I should be doing.

Are you worried about anything right now? Always.

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom.

Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? I have prescription medication.

Do you know the person who's locker is next to yours? I’m not in school. I also never had a locker.

What is annoying you? Nothing really at this moment. I was annoyed about the creamer situation earlier and about not having coffee, but I’m finishing this at a later time and I’ve since had my coffee.

Do you like the color blue? Yeah.

Do you know anyone who is going through a hard time? Yeah, including myself.

Did you get to sleep in today? Well, I stayed up until 7AM so I could call my doctor first thing when they opened to cancel an appointment and then I fell asleep after that until 230PM. 

Where will you be in 1 hour? Right here.

Who did you last talk to in person besides family? My doctor.

Anyone you were good friends with, that you no longer get along with? No. Like, I don’t have friends anymore but it’s not because we didn’t get along.

Has anyone let you down lately? Just myself.

Anyone you'd do anything for? My family.

What will you be doing tomorrow? My days are all the same.  Did you meet anybody new today? No.

What is your favorite TV show right now? I have many, but a new one my mom and I have gotten into is Dare Me on Netflix. 

Do you make any art? I like to color. That’s about as artsy as it gets for me.

What colors go well with your eyes? *shrug*

Would you go out with somebody you just met or do you have to be friends? I like to get to know someone a little first.

Do you like any magazines in particular? I haven’t read a magazine in yearsss.

Is it okay to laugh really hard over corny jokes? Yes...? Why wouldn’t something like that be okay?

Do you have a habit of falling for people already in relationships? No.

Do you flirt with people more than people flirt with you? No. I’m not a flirt and no one flirts with me.

Are you a pancakes kind of person or waffles? Waffles.

Has your best friend ever called you when they were high or drunk? No.

What’s your favorite kind of cake? Funfetti, strawberry, red velvet, white. Buttercream frosting, of course. Well, except for the red velvet, which must have cream cheese frosting.

Do you like yourself? No.

Have you stolen anything recently? No. I don’t go around stealing things.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Was reading your response to the Okumura Ryuji/Morgana fight, and the way the person worded Ryuji's character made me wanna ask... Do you think a bad fanbase is a fair reason to dislike a character? I've heard people say things like "no look at the character too", but... For example, I'm very neutral on Ryuji. When he's good, hes SO GOOD, EXCELLENT BOY, but Ann is my favorite girl. Guess who he pervs on exclusively and is rude to all the time? I've never seen his fans talk about (1/2 sorry)

His rude behavior, or his pervy tendencies, or his more selfish desires regarding the PT. That's fine!! Not everyone wants to constantly talk about bad things their fave has done!!! But people referring to him as a "woman respecting king" so insistently rubs me the wrong way, since he treats Ann Like That. That, and (more personal) i remember making a post/ask thing once about my grievances with Ryuji, esp his perv stuff, and the fans that interacted very aggressively denied his behavior (2/3)

And it even turned into a big discourse on the blog I submitted it to (it was that one confession blog). All the people that responded and just tried moving the arguments to "well Yusuke did this-" or even tried to push blame on Ann "she was asking for it" just kinda cemented my already growing dislike for Ryuji. Super sorry this is so long!!! Final question: is a bad fanbase a fair reason for disliking a character? (3/3)

Don’t say sorry about multiple sent asks, I don’t mind kfdsjla;fja As for the answer, I want to say yes and no, but really it’s just “yes with a side note attached.” Yeah, it’s ok to not like a char because of their fans, but I think it’s as long as you know why you dislike the char beyond the fans (well tbh, imo it’s usually the crazy fans so I think stans is a better word, but even then there’s diff stans). And tbh, I....can’t....think of a character I don’t like that the fandom/fanbase does....but I know nothing about the char all the while (closest and most recent example this....is....I know people dislike that grey haired moe blob on twitter even tho I don’t think they watched the show, and while I’m not a fan of the moeblobness I don’t know anything about the char so I’m personally not upset). I can only name chars I don’t like because of what happens in the text, fandom be damned (but sometimes they don’t help). Which is why it’s a yes with a side note. If you don’t like the char despite not knowing them.....probably get to know the char first even if your impression is clouded by the fandom....at least you gave the char a chance. 

Under cut cause length (first few sentences in the first paragraph under the cut/tldr at the end gives you the answer a bit more in depth, the rest is rants related to that and why I get frustrated in a similar sense too, but yeah sorry if I repeat myself, I kinda jumped all over + my tendency to try to nail a point home I feel like might’ve had me repeat a bit more than usual akslfjdakfjaf):

I say this because.....it’s hard....it’s hard to keep them separated, unless you completely isolate yourself from the fandom (which is basically impossible if you wanna keep up with news, even the comment section is part of the fandom tbh...and you might be looking down their for diff reasons). And then.....well...the big reason....sometimes seeing the fans really highlights the reasons you dislike the char. That’s what happened to me and Makoto, specifically cause of....a certain fan (and buddy if you happen to see this, nothing against you, no bad blood, def won’t mention your name I respect you and the debates we had)....AND TO THE TUMBLR READERS WHO GET NERVOUS: It wasn’t on this website in case anyone is freaking out so if you’re thinking “Oh god it’s me” it is most likely not you (tho I think we do know each other on here cause of usernames/saw each other in passing but we def aren’t mutuals last time I checked), and while I do respect that person.......my god did they highlight the reasons I had issues with P5 and Makoto. Ironically in trying to defend her and show off her good sides, I realized the writing issues more and more and her bad sides became more glaring. It turned my frustrating dislike and attempt to try to work out my issues with her and P5 (ironically “working out” in hindsight would’ve been me....denying and refusing to look at P5′s flaws) into....well......the salt factory you know today. (same thing happens with like......Yukari and Junpei fans too tbh...that’s more recent tho, it feels like they are just downplaying their negatives constantly and I’m not about that). Basically, you probably have issues already, they are just more pronounced now. 

As for “look at the character”....you kinda already are doing that, and that’s probably where your existing issues originated from (tho if someone wants a more in depth reason as to why, while you DON’T OWE them an explanation, it is also hard for someone to understand your feelings and reasons if you don’t try to explain). 

As for Ryu, yea, I getcha, I like the guy, I’m neutral positive on him....was my best bro but he’s 2nd best thanks to post-Kamo writing. I like him because of his positives, but I always keep his negs in mind because. Cause like while I agree with the fans IT MAKES NO SENSE! P5′S WRITING IS BAD! it happened, same as I agree that Anne kicking Ryu’s ass, along with the other girls, is shitty. Hate the scene, and I accept that it happen (low key gonna start some kinda 2nd wave war with this bs cause the fandom be like that, but I’m really surprised no one took Anne smacking Ryu behind the neck cause he was being too loud as super offensive and abuse.......it’s def something a friend might do, not like belting him just a tap, and it’s framed as chill and also as warning him to reign in the volume control, but high key surprised no one has tried to cancel her cause of that). BUT that DOESN’T mean it erases all the creepy stuff he’s done. Is he the goodest boi when he’s being good? The best. Is he always a good boi? No, he def is not. And hearing that he is can be frustrating to people that do see his flaws (cause they are there). And like....you are 100% able to like a character despite and because of their flaws, while also accepting they have those flaws. I do it with Yosuke, Ryuji (for the most part), Teddie, Shinji, Ken, Kanji (when he’s not around Naoto, then he’s in a trash can for me), P1/2 casts, Aigis, Mitsuru, as long as the flaws are within reason and are treated pretty well....then I’m ok with it. (again, Kanji/Ryu have moments when I’m like....NOPE! but when they aren’t doing the bad thing I’m cool with them). As long as the flaws are withing reason (aka they aren’t making a jerk person out to be the person in the right, or the writing is trying to sweep what they did under the rug, or trying to force us into empathizing with them despite what they did while also trying ot sacrifice empathy towards another char.....*cough*Makoto/Yukari/Junpei*cough* if the writing isn’t doing that...... I’m probs neutral to pos on them). 

Like I’m fine if they are criticizing the writing and being like “Him doing this makes no sense cause it conflicts with the good boi we’ve already seen!” That’s a-ok! Not only do you recognize your char has flaws, you also are able to identify issues with the writing. But saying “so I’ll choose to ignore that scene” isn’t....ok. Because sadly it did happen, as contradictory it did happen. AU it all you want, but you have to accept it happened outside of that AU. Like, I don’t like the Mika conflict in Anne’s CoOp, by which I don’t like how it went down (100% fine with Mika, and there being conflict with her). How it the whole thing started doesn’t make sense if you put MainStory!Anne in her CoOp. MS!Anne can read the room and other people’s emotions (only other person capable of that is Haru, or at least with Mona), hell she was so good at it she noticed something was up with Shiho without Shiho telling her about it! The issue was the fact Anne’s not a mind reader and could only assume the issue Shiho was going through that Anne was aware of (and that was her spot on the team). Now MS!Anne is not like Yosuke, she doesn’t put her foot in her mouth. She’s not like Naoto who can’t read the room. She’s not super eloquent, but can empathize and when she can interact with people she can do it pretty well. So why the hell does she basically not think before talking and insult Mika? Sure Anne’s not GREAT at school, but she’s not a moron, she can talk to people. But her CoOp makes her a moron all around, 100% airhead, and that’s how her issues with Mika start, by not thinking before talking and accidentally insulting her via blatantly “not caring” about the job to a full time person......it’s stupid, it makes no sense, I hate it. But it’s there, the flaw might not be present in the main story, but for the all around character (cause CoOps are included) it is now and I just have to deal with it. We can bitch about it all day (and trust me I will) but it happened. Basically never frame it as “it didn’t happen,” but instead “It SHOULDN’T HAVE happened.” One is denial, the other is critiquing the text. 

Anyway my rant aside, yeah I hate it when...well Ren/Ryu/Yusuke (no one’s said Mona yet, cause....well yeah...which is good they haven’t labeled him as it yet tho), are labeled as “drinking respect women juice” and I’m like “I have one to a few women who would disagree.” I know some people will argue Goro is drinking it, and imo he’s not....he’s just eating the “I don’t discriminate sandwich” which is different. And yeah the “But Yusuke-” yeah yeah we’ll get to him, but right now we’re talking about RYUJI. I’m not a fan of derailing a topic *war flashbacks* *shivers* anyway. But yeah I remember that debate, I was probably one who was like “We’ll get to Yusuke but right now we’re talking about Ryuji” and pushing the blame onto Anne is disgusting and Kamo Arc!Ryuji would be very upset. >:( (btw high key I think I was the first one who started the first anti-makoto war wave with me saying “yeah Anne shouldn’t have apologized Makoto started it and blah blah she was an ass” not the exact words but basically just calling her out on her shitty behavior cause the game certainly didn’t......tho as Miley Cyrus would say.....”I didn’t mean to start a waaaaaar~!” I actually wrote my first Persona Problems on that topic.......but it got lost in the drafts....my photo examples kept getting messed up which is bad considering the whole post really relied on them....I should try to dig it up tbh....)

Tldr/short answer: Yeah, you probably already have issues with the char to begin with tbh, and the fanbase can highlight those issues more. It’s also hard to escape the fanbase (I see stuff I don’t wanna see despite trying my hardest to avoid certain circles, it just happens).

[sometimesrosy]

1. I know you don’t participate in fandom stuff really, but I just had to tell you that I saw your recent, brilliant post about B/E/C and s7 floating around Twitter and lots of people are LOVING it and saying how smart and insightful it is. It made me excited to see that; I’m a big fan of yours! Some are of course also saying they don’t have faith in Jason like you do/that he’s not smart enough as a writer to pull all of that off (that fandom Jason hate, man. I get it, he’s been a bit

urgh in press/Twitter, but that doesn’t mean his work won’t fulfill what it’s been building up for 6 seasons now... maybe he’s a prick, idk, but he clearly puts a lot of pride in his story/art and I don’t think it’ll be another GoT ending as some in fandom are bracing themselves for. I really don’t. Just Just separate his press from his work and focus on the story, and life will be so much easier, lol). They keep saying all you said was so smart/makes so much sense. You’re being ‘stanned’ there.

I love to see it. You’re being ‘stanned’ on there, lol. I love to see it. I feel like you put so much thought and effort into your posts, and you deserve all the love and positivity in the world. The doubters/antis that contact you are so frustrating (love the sizzling sass you respond to them with, btw). You are not up Jason’s butt. You’re literally all about the STORY, the CANNON, what you SEE on screen. It’s like in their heads, they know you’re making sense. But then you can see how fandom

fears/dialogues can just totally dominate good, sound logic. It’s so interesting. Haha, this was a post purely meant to tell you other people are recognizing your brilliance and how exiting it was, but the psychology of shipper/fandom culture got me ruminating. So sorry. 😆 Just so you know...I ‘stan’ you too, Rosy. 😉❤️ Thanks for all your work!

+++

Oh really? Ok. That’s good to know. I’m glad it was positive instead of negative because that’s mean. And I’m glad that they LIKE a positive bellarke post instead of bellarke hate or jason hate or the 100 hate. It’s not surprising that they “don’t have faith in jason,” or think he’s “not smart enough” to pull off the story that... I am showing is already IN the canon by using evidence FROM the canon to show that Jason is telling us.

Not trusting JR is one thing. It comes from his TERRIBLE social media presence. Now no one believes what he says and worse, they think everything he says is evil bad and anti bellarke. Which is not true. He messed up and now his reputation is bad, but if you pay attention to what he says outside of what people say about him, you’d see what he says is NOT always bad. But, I still don’t trust what he says and I take everything with a grain of salt and compare it against the canon. Because the canon IS what matters.

And frankly, I think Jason has proved he IS trustworthy where the story is concerned. He doesn’t always give fans what they want, but that’s actually good. It means he stays true to his story. And if that makes him an egotists, then so be it, but it’s also better for the story. Too many cooks spoil the pot. Allowing fans into the writing room and fanservicing them too much spoils the story.  I get also that people don’t trust hollywood because of Star Wars or GOT or whatever disappointing show. Fair enough. But again, following the story that JR is telling, I’m not getting those hints that he’s going to flip on us. His style of storytelling, while it does use plot twists does not betray the story. As long as you’re following canon and have been paying attention to HIS story and not your story in your head. That is the trick though, since fandom says your OTP is the center of the story and your fave character is the main character-- which is a MISinterpretation of the story. If you erase the story to fit your fanon, the error is yours, not his. Killing your favorite character is not a betrayal of the story, it’s part of HIS story. All the characters he’s killed were part of his story, helped develop the themes or main character development or plot or were a result of their own terrible choices. 

When people think he’s to stupid to do what I point out he’s already doing... well, that’s not actually someone you want to listen to about analysis. That’s people who are speaking from PURE ego. They think they’re smarter and more savvy than JR. When you put yourself above the content you supposedly love, that makes you a jackass. If you love it, you have no need to call it trash or tear it apart, or call the writers bad writers.

As far as I can see, this story is generally well written. Is it perfect? Of course it isn’t. No story is. The characters are great. The stories are full of tension and emotion and meaning. We FEEL for the characters. Yes horrible things happen. That’s the story and not a sign that it’s bad. Yes it repeats stories, that’s a STYLE of storytelling, circular, and not a sign that it’s bad, but instead, when done right, offers a feeling of inevitability and completion that is hard to beat. Is the science bad? Oh yes, it is, but that is not uncommon for the tv genre that doesn’t have an audience of hardcore sf geeks.  You’ve got to let that go, suspend your disbelief and just have fun. If you can’t you’ll never like the genre. 

Would you treat a fanfiction writer the way we treat JR? If you did, it would be horrible. If you go in there and tell the writer that their story is wrong because you want your OTP to do this and this character should die and this character should live and omg they are bad writers how dare? That would make YOU the reader, into a big freaking creep. Let people tell the stories they want to tell. If you don’t like their stories, you vote with your freaking feet. Leave. If you like some of the story and not the rest, you can make peace with that. If your dislike outweighs your like then stop watching. It doesn’t matter that this is a professionally written and produced show not a fanfic. You still don’t own it. The writers don’t actually work for you. They aren’t your servants. They create a product which you then consume or do not consume. 

Anyway. Thanks for the warning. I know you weren’t warning me, but in my experience, whenever someone posts something of mine on twitter, I get a fresh influx of hate as the haters remember I exist and they can’t allow me to exist without telling me how evil and delusional I am for doing lit analysis on a show they want to hate.