#PHIL YOU LIAR

[simplydnp]

time for my doctor prescribed daily rewatch of 'dan is leaving me' 🙌

[ramblings-of-a-coward]

"Of course, you're my kids, I tell you everything"

ARE YOU THOUGH???? ARE YOU TELLING THEM EVERYTHING???

[manchesterau]

oh okay

[yonpote]

SMALL HANDS

[hoodiestrings]

dan and phil said the back from the death longsleeve would keep you warm. they are liars i have been cold all day.

[danandphil-lies]

thank you everyone for the support as we all work together to expose dan and phil's lies.

next we have another lie from phil. this is from THE FINAL GOOGLE FEUD (2018, dir. daniel howell and phil lester). phil claims that he does not have any legs and therefore is unable to get the pizza. however, this is a blatant LIE. please see below for proof of legs:

clearly, this LIAR of a man thinks that he can pul the wool over our eyes and convince the masses that he is legless. but as we have shown here today, this is just one of many deceptions from mr. lester

more lies will be exposed soon...

[pseudophan]

As someone who was also at the devil's sacrament (aka Phan proof posts and deep dive videos) it's so funny when people are like I was never like that! Bitch I was! It was fun! And cringe! And a bit much! But I own that!!! I own up to the fact it was probably an invasion of privacy and fun at the same time. All these liars saying they werent phannies like that, pick me behavior

i feel like a lot of it has to do with this new belief that if you've ever done anything even vaguely questionable in your life you're a fundamentally bad person, and holding everything that isn't 100% good to the same standard. being a crazy phannie when everyone was being a crazy phannie is not morally equal to murder, you're allowed to look back and be like yeah that wasn't great but i've evolved as a person. and you're also allowed to look back and recognise it was really fun! pestering dan and phil about their sexualities and if they're dating wasn't great (most people didn't even do this but i don't think those who did should be demonised like ten years later regardless) but losing our minds thinking they were coming out every other week was! it was so stupid! sooo much enrichment in our enclosure. wild new theories all the time that in hindsight were so obviously bullshit but SUCH a good time. and while dan and phil making fun of us for it is a little bit humiliating it's mostly just funny as fuck and i'm genuinely really glad i was a part of all that so i can feel the humiliation to my core. unparalleled fandom experience.

another thing that's equally funny and annoying is teenagers being like "i don't understand how you guys were like that i would never be like that" yeah girl cause it's not the 2010s anymore. teenagers in 2014 going zomfg phan is real!!1 were following the crowd just as much as teenagers in 2024 are following the crowd when they call that shit cringe. you aren't wired differently you were just born ten years later and there's nothing wrong with that but trying to impose 2024 morals on the past is so fucking stupid lmao

[pixiecaps]

Fit: Are you sure that’s all it is? Because I spoke to Tallulah and Chayanne and they seemed a bit more concerned.

Phil: I mean they would be because they’re my kids so like. It should be- it should be fine.

Fit: Should be?

Phil: It’ll be alright.

Fit: Should be fine?

Phil: Yeah it’s- yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it’s- it’s- it- it- it’s just- it’s just mosquito goop I think….. I mean I think. (Turns away from Fit)

Fit: I mean I’ve known you a while Phil, you’re not exactly the best liar.

[becauseplot]

Philza Minecraft is a survivalist. 

Everyone knows this. He's the "Hardcore guy." He's an expert in the inner-workings of the natural world. He's vigilant. He knows how to hold his own in a fight, and he knows when to cut his losses, too. He knows how to keep himself alive. By extension, he knows how to keep his team alive as well. It only makes sense that they elect him as the leader of red team.

Philza Minecraft is a team player.

This is why he's always happy to go grinding for materials when the team needs it. Even if he tends to get a little distracted sometimes, wandering too far, forgetting to check global chat or talk in the team vc, he checks in with his friends and does what he can to keep morale up when everyone is feeling down. He recognizes the ease with which Cellbit operates in this environment, so he lets the man call some of the shots, or give Phil instructions. After all, Cellbit led the Ordo for months. Phil trusts his judgement. Why not play to their strengths? 

Philza Minecraft is an adapter. 

His biome doesn’t matter, nor his circumstances, nor his equipment. He’s started over more times than he can count. Working under stress isn’t something that hinders him, nor changing environments. If the game of the day is complete the tasks, he can complete the tasks. If the game of the day is kill a player, he can kill a player. He might hate it, but he can do it. For the sake of his friends, of his team, of his kids, and of their collective survival, he can do it.

There is something else worth mentioning. 

Philza Minecraft is a liar. 

Oh, but you’ll never catch him in a lie, because it’s never what he does say. It’s what he doesn’t. It’s the details he omits. It’s the parts of the tale that he glosses over so that the bedtime story isn’t quite so scary. He’ll give you everything he wants you to have and hold the rest of it close to his chest. Or, more accurately, he'll slam it in a locked box and shove it under his bed with the rest of his monsters. 

He was an asset to the Empire. 

Back then, he always asked the right questions: not "why," but "how," and "when." Back then, he knew he was valuable, so he kept himself alive. Back then, "the Angel of Death" wasn't so much a nickname as it was a title he earned. A rank.

He never became a general. The promotion was there, and he was more than qualified, he just never took it. He was content to let his friend take the helm, because Phil knew what he was.

"Knew." "Was." Was, was, was. (Come on, now, Phil. Don't be daft.)

Philza Minecraft is a liar; the man he lies to the most is himself. Yes, Purgatory is fucked and twisted, and he hates what it forces him to do, but not because it's hard. No. Because it's far too easy.

At the end of the day, what matters most is that Philza Minecraft is an arrow. Let someone else nock him in a bow. Let someone else draw him back, point him in a direction, let him loose, soar, fly. Resources, gear, tasks, points, kills, blood---it makes no difference. Philza Minecraft won't stop until he hits his target.

[last-starry-sky]

too sweet pt 4 - innocent!reader x graves

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

✨Thank you again to the lovely @shotmrmiller for letting me work off of her original idea!🌟

NSFW(finally, lmao) - MIND THE WARNINGS - MDNI: [lots of pet names, oral, again i’m REALLY leaning into how much of a virgin reader is, religion mention, pov switches, loss of virginity, unprotected piv (cumming inside), more of graves being just the absolute worst in both ❤️ and 💀 flavors (it’s all in his head. No harm comes to our dear reader), Phil talks you through it, this is 13 pages (5.9k words) of me absolutely lost in the sauce, so buckle up friends. a/n at the end!]

You fell the short distance out of Phil’s arms to the bed with a soft oof! You bounced up once before his pillowy comforter surrounded you, sweetly swaddling you like baby. You closed your eyes, catching your breath as you surrendered your body into the cool, linen-freshness swallowing your body. You hoped closing your eyes and a few deep breaths would stop the ceiling from spinning. You told yourself that your stomach was turning from nerves, nothing else. 

You really didn’t want puke to be a part of your first time. 

You opened your eyes as Phil ran his hands up your legs, making room to stand between them. Your dress was still rucked up to your waist, the shamefully wet gusset of your panties on display. The way he looked at you had your hands curing into the sheets above your head. It was so dark. It was like nothing you’d seen cross your sweet boyfriend’s face before. Like a wolf ready to pounce, tear apart, consume. 

It worried you, but you were still hitching your knees around his hips, pulling him closer. His hands squeezed at your hips. His dark visage took on a little of his old self as his eyes dipped, a playful smile creeping across his mouth.

Why were you such a liar to yourself? He could never scare you. He excited you. Every single time.

Your breath caught in your throat as his hands smoothed up to, then over, your underwear. You expected him to rip them off. Instead, he circled your waist, urging you to sit up as he pulled your dress off your body. 

“There y’go, baby. Hands up,” he said, an edge of his usual humor in his dark voice, as he finally pulled the tight pink thing off you. 

He doesn’t watch where he throws it. Somewhere in the room behind him, you think. You don’t know either. You can’t make yourself meet his stare, focusing your wobbling vision instead on your hands clenched in your lap, of the warmth of his body pouring into the space between you. You know he’s staring at your exposed breasts. That’s all that matters to him. A soft whistle falls from his lips as he wraps his hands around your thighs. 

You hide your blush by ducking your head into your chest, reaching up behind your neck to unclasp your necklace. He stopped you with a hand on your chin, making you face him.

“Leave it on, doll,” he says before hauling you in for another kiss.

You don’t know why, but this kiss felt so more intimate than the others. You’re flushed and panting against him as he holds your jaw against his, slowly stroking your tongue with his. Maybe it’s because you’re almost completely naked, his warm hands brushing down your chilled back. Oh, you could just about beg him to keep touching you. It could be how he’s got you pressed flush against him, your nipples hardening against the cool cotton of his button down shirt and legs hitched on his hips. His hard dick is nudging at your pussy through his pants, making you whine when he ruts just right against your clothed nub. It feels weird, like nothing you’ve felt before. Weird, but damn if some basal part of you doesn’t crave it. 

He broke the kiss, peeling himself away to pick you up again, just enough to throw you to the middle of the bed. He gets right back into position between your legs as you settle back into the fluff of his blankets. You don’t know what to do now as he takes a second to shimmy out of his button down. What does he expect of you? Should you lay back? Before you can overthink, you fall back onto your forearms. He tossed his shirt off the bed, his hair all ruffled, white undershirt pulled up to expose the muscles of his stomach, as he turns back to you. 

“Fuck are y’ gorgeous like this, darlin’,” he says staring down at you while unbuckling his belt. 

You wonder if he can feel your legs shake. You feel a fresh blush flush down your body. You chew on your bottom lip, trying not to stare as he lets his trousers fall down to his knees before kicking out of them. There’s a muffled metal jangle as the whole lot falls off the end of the bed to the floor.  

“Now where were we . . .” he mused with a quiet laugh as he crawled over you, pushing your back flat to the mattress before cradling your head to his for another kiss.

You thought it wouldn’t be so different, having him on top of you. You had been grinding against each other for going on hours at this point. You were slowly getting used to what he felt like, how your bodies slotted together best, how he touched you, and where it made sense for you to touch him. The addition of his weight, though? Amazing. You loved it. The feel of all of his muscle and bone, being free to feel each other’s skin free of clothing, it had you trembling underneath him. To have a whole person, let alone this powerful, muscled man, resting between your thighs, your chest squished to his as he sucked open mouth kisses under your jaw, had you clawing at his hair and moaning sweetly into the dark. 

“Thas’ it, baby. Tell me how y’like it,” he sighed as he continued kissing down your neck, his hands running down your sides, forcing a bow in the small of your back. 

You moaned a high pitched ah! when he placed a delicate kiss to your nipple. 

“Oh. Y’like that, do ya? My sensitive little thing,” he asked sucking the little nub into his mouth. 

You answered with a high-pitched keen, your hands pressed into the pillow above you. It did feel good. So good. Your body felt so hot and damp, sheets and hair sticking to your skin. He continued to suck at your nipple, every once and a while catching it with his teeth while playing with your other. He rubbed smooth little circles around it until it was hard, then pinched it, forcing a whiny, pained moan from you. 

Why was he doing this? He would make you feel so so good you felt like you were floating, just to turn on a dime to bite or pinch you were you were the most sensitive, pulling you out of the moment. You didn’t understand him. 

You looked down. He had that wide, wry, hungry smile. Eyes hooded and dark. Dangerous. You gasped when he suddenly looked up, catching your stare like a predator.

“Sorry baby,” he said syrupy sweet, giving your nipple a quick kiss. “‘m playin’ with you. I know. Don’t mean to. Gonna make you feel good.”

You didn’t understand what he meant until he slid farther down your body, pulling your underwear with him as he rocked up onto his knees. Your eyes quickly snapped up to the ceiling. You couldn’t help but tremble, knees knocking together until he pulled your panties past them. He took your feet in hand as he shucked them off you completely. There was a light sound as they hit the hardwood floor somewhere in the abyss behind him.  

He threw one of your legs to the side with a hand on your knee, stopping you from closing it back by slotting himself deftly back into place. You heard him breathe out a shuddering breath as he finally got a good, full look at you. His hand swept down your leg from your knee, falling closer and closer to your aching core.

“Phil,” you whined, so muffled by your arms covering your face that even you barely heard it.

A hand pushed your arms above your head, exposing your tear-filled eyes. He stared down at you, pushing your arms into the pillow with one hand, his other coming to rest on your stomach, just above your pussy. 

“Listen to me now, baby, okay?” he said lightly tapping your mons with his thumb, refusing to let you break eye contact. “‘m gonna make you feel good. You know that, right?” When you didn’t answer, he leaned down over you. “I’d never, ever, hurt you,” he whispered, nose nudging yours as he spoke. “Love you too much. Want you . . . want you to enjoy this as much as I will.”

You were shocked silent for a moment. Tears dried in the corners of your eyes before you were able to squeak out, “Love me?”

“‘course,” he said pecking a kiss to your bottom lip. 

You wanted so badly to grab him, to hold him close, to force him to kiss you again because, well . . . did you really need a reason? He just told you he loves you! You’d hoped for months that what you felt - you were over the moon for him from the moment you met - wasn’t really just a crush, a passing summer fling. You wanted to know that he was just as serious about your relationship as you were. You’d worried that the summer would end, you would go back to school, he would go off to some exotic and exciting place halfway around the world and your relationship would slowly peter out. 

Eventually, you knew, he would forget about you. After all, you had been denying his advances to make your relationship physical for a while. No matter how gentle they were or how nicely he took your refusals, you knew he would get tired of asking eventually. Guys were like that. Or so you’d been told. 

But now, he’d said he loved you. With those words, all of your anxiety washed away in one clean wipe, like a wave washing up the shore. All was good in the world. It put your mind at peace. Your apprehensions dissolved into his feather-light kisses and gentle touches. The only thing you wanted was to hear him say it over and over again but your couldn’t. All you could do was uselessly clench your hands in his strong grip. 

His fingers stroked ever so slowly down the seam of your pussy. He was treating you like a feral cat or an unbroken horse; with a light touch, soft words, and persistence. 

“Breathe,” he instructed, nuzzling into your neck again to kiss at the spot under your ear that made you moan. 

You did, pulling in a deep, shuddering breath that cleansed your need to cry. He placed another kiss on your neck as he let your hands go. Finally. You laced your free arms around his shoulders immediately, feeling him smile as he continued to mouth kisses over your pulse.

“That’s good, darlin’. Relax. Just like that,” he whispered as he ran his hand down your side, still soothing you. 

A moan punched out of your lungs when he pushed past your outer labia with a single finger, stroking just once, top to bottom, through your slick folds. You were sloppy, dripping wet. His head collapsed into the crook of your neck, a muffled, “fuck” following. He didn’t move, you trembled as his finger swirled up to circle around your clit.

“Ah! Phil,” you whined.  

“I know. I know,” he huffed breathlessly, lifting himself off you. 

He looked down your body to watch himself rub tight circles around your nub for a moment. He groaned before pulling his hand away. You cried out when he stopped, but he left no time for argument. He was grabbing the backs of both your knees, repositioning you open and shuffling backwards out of your grasp, laying kisses down your chest and stomach as he went.

“Lemme, fuck . . . just lemme make y’ feel good, sweets.” His mouth working farther south until you could feel his breath tickle your pussy. “Make you cum, promise,” he whispered, his next kiss tonguing at the base of your clit.

Your back arched, a needy “oh!” punched from your lungs. He didn’t wait for you to respond to dive in, thankfully. You were beyond words, already shaking from nerves and pleasure. 

“Want to taste you so bad,” he mumbled as he kissed slowly down the hood of your clit before swiping at the exposed head with his tongue, a spike of pleasure following.  

The feeling was amazing, unlike any pleasure you’d been able to bring yourself. You’d experimented before, by yourself, of course. Always in the dead of night, when you were certain your parents were asleep. You would wake up hot, a dream you couldn’t remember troubling you, making you ungodly slick in your pajamas. You would guiltily snake a hand down your body, trying not to move or make a sound as your finger slipped through the sopping mess you’d made. Those stolen moments were always something you would think of again in church with burning cheeks: how you’d sinned and now you must beg forgiveness. Not that you thought God would care, but you never could bring yourself to completion. You couldn’t find that beautiful, spine-chilling, white-hot peak that so many romance novels described. 

It made you worry, as Phil gently swirled his tongue around your clit making you shiver, because he was clearly putting in a lot of effort. You really didn’t want to disappoint him. Didn’t want his first intimate memory of you to be one where he couldn’t make you cum.

“Hey,” he whispered, pulling himself out of your pussy just enough to look at you down your body. You squirmed as he held eye contact while licking another swipe up your clit. “Clos’ y’ eyes. Breathe. Relax.”

After you did all three, exactly as he asked, he gave your hip a squeeze before nuzzling himself back between your thighs. 

“That’s my girl,” you heard him say before the lewd, wet clicking of his mouth against you filled the room. 

He continued to gently lick at you, drawing loose circles with his tongue before sucking your nub into his mouth. He continued that pattern: slow, patient movements with an ungodly endurance, until your thighs started to shake against his head. You had been here before. A lovely hot coil budding in your gut, wrapping tighter and tighter. But this time, it wasn’t stopping. 

Maybe this is what you had needed all along: someone to take control and do all the work for you. Someone who wouldn’t stop to look nervously toward the door, or worry if someone down the hall could hear, or even think about if this was morally wrong. All he cared about was you. Your pleasure, the soft plush of your thighs around his head, your voice cracking as you moaned his name and rocked your hips against his face. 

Phil wound his arm around your leg, pressing your hips to the bed with a firm hand on your lower stomach. He used his leverage to splay you open before diving back in at that relentlessly slow pace. You threw your head back, a string of breathy pants falling from your mouth until Phil reached up to place your hands on his head. Your fingers carded through his soft hair. He tipped his slick-coated face to the side to sneak a peek at your blissed out face as his tongue pressed up the side of your clit. Your fingers tightened, grabbing a fistful of hair, as a delicious tingle danced at the edge of your clit, right were his tongue flicked. 

“So sweet. Taste so good, baby,” he said in a breathy whine. 

You couldn’t answer, only able to buck abortively against the strong arm holding you down, hoping it would make him pick up the pace. He laughed before lowering back down. His actions became harder and faster: nipping at your hood at every rotation as his tongue flicked aggressively against your poor, exposed pearl. 

It was frustrating. He was no longer pulling you higher and higher as effortlessly. Everything he did, no matter how good it felt, was just maintaining your buzz. You could feel your clit vibrating you were so close, but he wasn’t pulling you over. It’s like he was teasing you with that tingle in your belly, giving you just enough to keep you moaning, begging, as you fell into the hot wet swipes of his tongue, before pulling back to make you work for it all over again. It made you cry in frustration. 

It wasn’t enough. You needed more. 

Your eyes were screwed shut when he pulled away and asked, “What, baby? What-”

“More!” you squeaked. “Please, more!”

He nodded as he readjusted your body to sling a leg over his shoulder. You cried out as his finger pressed to your spit-slicked clit with a pressure that you’d never felt. Your hands just couldn’t compare to his. It wasn’t fair. Electricity shot up your spine as you shivered in his arms at the white-hot pleasure that flared out. 

“That’s my girl. There you go,” he whispered as he kissed down your clit to where his finger worked in hard, tight circles. You bucked into each roll, your hole clenching uselessly against nothing. “There you go,” he repeated as you shuddered, tip-toeing closer and closer to that edge.

Want became your mantra. You could feel it. You wanted it. You want. You want. You want.   

“Please, Phil. Please,” your voice a thready whine. “Want to cum, so bad.”

“You can do it, baby,” he cooed sweetly against your mons. “I can feel ya. So tight. Y’so close.” He laid a kiss on your clit before looking up to catch your teary eyes. “Cum for me,” he commanded, with a voice fucked out, rough, stern.

And, oh, did you follow him. 

It was just enough. Like a breath blowing the head off a dandelion, it sent you scattering into a million pieces. You snapped beneath him, a scream tearing from your throat as your leg clamped down on Phil’s shoulder. Your fingers tore at his hair, the only thing grounding you, as you lost control of your body. You writhed against the sheets, struggling to draw in air as electrical pleasure fried your brain. It was beautiful at the top. A pure and white peaceful glow: no sound but your own breathy moans, no feeling but your boyfriend’s fingers swirling again and again over your twitching clit, extending your flight. 

You never wanted to forget this moment. 

You rolled your head to the side as over-stimulation hit, whining at the feeling of the cool pillow beneath you. A sudden jolt back into the real world. Phil stopped touching you without you having to tell him, which was nice. Your whole body went slack, dazed, pliant. You didn’t think you could form words at the moment even if you wanted.

Phil groaned as he rose up from between your legs. The sudden loss of his warmth made you whine again. You were struck with this intense, emotional need to keep him next to you. He’s yours, an animal part of your brain told you. Do not let him go. 

It made you roll your head to the side and open you eyes. You were just in time to see him pull his undershirt off his head, wiping his mouth with it before rolling it down his arms. Your eyes widened at the dark design across his left pectoral, right above his heart. You looked up at him nervously, wondering why he never told you he had a tattoo.

“Yeah,” he said looking down at the eagle topped globe, an anchor roughly rendered behind it, swiping at it with his thumb like he wanted to wipe it away. “Got it when I was young. Stupid. Too much money,” he said with a small smile as he finally tossed his shirt to the side. He rubbed your hip as he looked down at you with a smoldering gaze. “Hope that doesn’t ruin anything.”

“No,” you whispered, head rolling back and forth as you suddenly found the courage to let your eyes trail down his body.

Good God, what a body he had. You knew he was fit from the tight fitting t shirts and shorts that fell just above his knees that he wore all summer. He had been on the edge of bulky when you first met him but had tapered down into a more lean physique through the long, lazy summer. His chest and arms were his pride, you’d gathered, from how he refused to let them go soft with the rest of his muscles. After all, he needed a place for you to rest your head, didn’t he? And how could he let himself not be strong enough to pick you up and carry you around? To have everything revealed to you, to see how his chest tapered into his waist, how his hips (now supporting your legs) poked above the band of his briefs . . . that he was rolling down his thigh with his free hand. 

Phil didn’t break his gaze, drinking in the nervous, almost fatally curious, expression on your face as he took his time shuffling off his underwear. He went a little bit down on one side, just  to the bend of his hip, then slid his hand across the elastic, ignoring his cock, to push the other side farther down. It was unnecessarily slow, but he loved teasing you. Loved watching you react even more. One of your hands was already clenched around nothing as it rest against your stomach. The other was plastered across your mouth. Your hand couldn’t cover how wide your eyes were, or how your eyebrows went from bunched in concern to halfway up your forehead in surprise. 

It made him smile as he finally pulled himself from his briefs, revealing himself to you. Your eyes darted suddenly away, but you couldn’t smother the soft, “oh” that fell from you lips or the fresh blush spreading down your chest. It was delicious. 

He took his time pushing his underwear down his muscled thighs, stepping toward you on his knees to get them shuffled down his lower legs. The time it took was no bother. Why rush when he had the most beautiful creature in the world right in front of him? 

He held your legs open, petting your skin with slow, soft circles, as he looked at the glossy mess he’d created between your legs. It was amazing. You were wet from your bikini line to your thighs, and it was sweetly pooled in every crevice. He couldn’t help but reach out, running the tips of his fingers through the slick pooled around your clit.

“Phil-” you cried, covering your face with both hands.

You tried to jerk your legs closed too, but he was too quick. He caught them, forcing your knees back around his hips. This was as good a sign as any that it was time to move things along.

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay,” he whispered, leaning down on his elbows to hold you in his arms. 

He had to peel your hands away from your face to get a look at you. There was no way he was going to miss out on how you looked through all of this. He knew this position wouldn’t be the most comfortable for you, but he couldn’t help but be a little bit more selfish. You would understand one day that your pain was worth the look he caught as his cockhead nudged accidentally against your clit, sliding effortlessly up through the combination of slick and saliva. 

You just looked so helpless, so lost. It should have hurt him, how could you not trust him after everything he’s done so far? Nevermind the amazing orgasm he just gave you. But he was an adult: a man with a deep, dark, corrupted soul, so he understood. You needed him to continue leading you. Lucky you, leadership came naturally to him.

He wiped a line of tears from your lashes as he held your face in his hands. 

“What’s wrong, darlin’? Doin’ okay?” he asked.

You shook your head yes, squeezing out fresh tears from your eyes as you gripped his hands.

“Just . . .” you warbled out, trying to catch your breath, “just scared.”

“Why you scared, baby?”

“It’s . . . is it . . .” you said trying to turn your head to look down your body to where he was pressed to you, cock barely humping through that sinful slick. “Is it gonna hurt?”

He let out the breath he was holding. “No, sweetie,” he said shaking his head. “Not if you listen and do what I tell you. You can do that, right?” 

He added a little smile at the end and you smiled back with a nod, tears drying. He felt his cock pulse as he leaned down to kiss you. Of course you would be so good, do as you’re told, let him take care of you.

A path straight to hell, and you’re paving it with easy choices and good intentions.

He pushed further down to deepen the kiss, tongue laving over your lips until you tipped your head back with a sigh, opening your mouth, letting him in. It would be a good distraction for what he had to do next. He propped himself up with his free arm, reaching down to notch his cockhead at your entrance. It’s rough and sloppy, not being able to see where he’s going. The mess between your legs didn’t help either. He slid his cock around through your slick, coating his hand as he barely missing your vagina several times before an aggressive nudge of his hips popped it in. 

It knocked the breath out of you. He felt you clench at the head of his cock, breaking away from the kiss with a breathless whine. He stopped you before you could protest. 

He nuzzled into your neck and groaned, “Fuuuck, baby. I’m in. That’s it. I’m in.”

You still squirmed and whined. He should have known you would need more direct instruction.

“Listen to me, darlin’,” he said breathless, picking himself back up to look at you, nudging his cock around experimentally, trying to work himself further into that tight, heavenly chanel. “Look at me,” he commanded.

You stopped, opening your eyes. They’re rimmed with fresh tears. 

“Gotta relax okay, baby? Or else it’s gonna hurt. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

He watched you let out a few shallow breaths, chest heaving with each one, before inhaling one deep one. You held the breath for a second before pursing your lips in a pretty circle, blowing it out. 

“Better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod.

“‘kay. Now, listen to me,” he said leaning over you enough to let his hair brush over your face, mattress squawking as he pressed your legs to your chest. A low ohhh wringing out of your throat. Your heels caught on his hips. “Gonna push in a lil’ bit, but you gotta stay relaxed. Can’t clench, okay?” 

Not that he couldn’t wait to feel you clenching around him. Fuck, he couldn’t even imagine how tight, how wet, how fuckin’ good, you would feel around him. He was pulsing just imagining it. You were his little virgin, after all. He was going to be your first and only and he was going to feel it, all of it. 

“Let me know if it hurts and I’ll stop,” he said with a groan, forcing himself deeper inside. 

You didn’t say anything, just wrapped your arms tighter around his neck, forcing his face down into the crook of your shoulder. He placed a kiss there, right on the chain of your necklace. He waited a few seconds as he held your hips, then finally began to pull his cock in and out just a bit. Good Lord, he was fucking you. Finally fucking you. A low whine, like a wolf or coyote howling far off in the distance, rattled in the back of your throat, almost too quiet to hear. 

He pulled against your arms, breaking your weak hold easily, to look at you again. You looked tired. Fucked out and exhausted, with half-lidded eyes barely able to stay open. That sheen of glitter-like sweat was back, sparkling down the column of your neck and across your temples. You had let your arms fall over your head, and there they still lay, heavy against the pillow. His poor girl was tuckered. 

“Okay?” he asked, trying to keep the movement of his hips smooth and shallow. 

He’ll do whatever he has to now to have you enjoy this, however slow and gentle he had to be. It’s bait. He needs to plant himself in the back of your mind. That will get you to come back for more, to want to stay, stay here with him. That’s when he’ll work his magic. Ambushing you right when you feel safe. Catch his pretty little prey in his snare and never let you go. Unfortunately for him, that meant not blowing his load the second he felt your slick run down his shaft.

“Yeah,” you croaked. Keeping your eyes open and following his voice taking all of your sapping strength. 

“Hurt?” he asked, picking up his pace, but not trying to force anymore of his cock in you. 

Just have to get in a little more, he tells himself. Work her open a little more and then you can.

“No . . .” you said with a whine, letting your head roll to the side, eyes closing, as you fell into his comfortable rhythm. Phil watched as your breasts swirled in time to his thrusts. Such a pretty dance they did. He had to bite his lip from leaning down to nip at them. “Just a little sore.”

“Like you pulled a muscle?” he said with a smile, brushing the sweat-slicked hair from your forehead. “That’s normal, babe. You’re doin’ so good.”

You nodded back at him, cheeks flushing as he trailed his fingers down your face. You were so cute like this. He let his hand brush innocuously over the little silver cross in the hollow of your neck as he pulled it back. 

What a good girl you were.

“‘s lot for your poor little kitty to take all at once, honey,” he said sweetly, leaning down to kiss the corner of your mouth. He was ramping up his pace as his own pleasure curled within him, his hips snapping into yours with a wet smack as they met. He felt himself push deeper and deeper into you, your greedy pussy swallowing everything he gave you. Before he knew it, fuck, he was right where he wanted to be. “Don’t you worry, you’ll feel all better by the mornin’.”   

You turned to meet his mouth with a whine. He caught you, sealing his lips over yours as he pounded full thrusts into your wet hole. His need was clouding his mind, narrowing his vision to a pinpoint centered on the thought of his cock bruising your sweet little cervix. You opened your mouth, to scream or moan he’ll never know, but he was right there, prepared, diving in to silence you with his tongue. You clenched down on him as he smothered your voice and it had him seeing stars.

Not that he had to make this last any longer, but it just felt so good. He would have fucked you all night if you let him, pulling back as he came close to that peak, denying himself climax until the very end, until you begged him to finally cum in your sore pussy. 

Later. One day, he told himself.  

Tonight was the end of phase one. Tomorrow began phase two. It was the next step of the plan he had so carefully executed over the last couple months. If this went well, he was in the clear, golden. He sighed with contentment as you tipped back your head and moaned. He would have you, completely and finally. All he had to do was follow his plan.

He couldn’t ignore how badly he wanted to cum anymore. His cock was so engorged it was getting increasingly harder to pull out of you, especially now that you were clamping down on him every time he managed to nail you right in the cervix. 

He pulled himself out of his head and let his body control the last of his actions. He pulled you into his arms, buried his face in your neck and whined out, “Fuuuuck baby. Fuck. Feel so good. I’m gonna-”

When he felt your legs wrap up around his back with a whine, he sent out one last message from the rational part of his brain: Don’t pull out. He could only hope the other side of him would obey.

He didn’t remember much once the endorphin rush of his orgasm hit. He felt you wrap your arms around his neck, and your heels bury into the small of his back. You might have even whined out his name. All he could follow was the play-by-play of those last few seconds after: ramming himself in as deep as he could, the feeling of his cock expanding within you, pushing back against those taut muscles, then he was lost in the rush of his seed pumping deep deep within. 

He remembered a groan as he reluctantly pulled himself off, then out, of you. How small you looked, sweating and trembling against the sheets as he searched the bed for a blanket. He was still in a haze as he pulled your back to his chest, pawing at the blanket with no motor control in an attempt to share it between the two of you. 

It felt amazing to finally have you here: falling asleep, skin to skin, in his bed. He let out a long breath, stretching his legs down the bed, as his mind cleared. He could still feel your heart pounding where he held you in his arms. How quickly you had surrendered to sleep. He buried his face in your hair and inhaled the last remnants of your fruity shampoo - or was it your body spray? he didn’t remember - through the sweat and sex in the air. Only then did he finally let himself doze off.

He needed all the sleep he could get. Tomorrow was a big day. 

a/n: hello. it’s me. The girlie who ACTUALLY popped her cherry in her late twenties :) Also, sorry this took so long!!! I have no good explanation besides the fact that I was working on other things for lovely anons. I took a lot of time trying to get everything feeling just right and I still feel like it’s not great :( (i feel i will never write a good orgasm i s2g) but here it is! It’s also very loooong because i wanted all of the sex DONE and in one goddamn chapter. Anywho, hope you all like it! 

[lmanburgseulogy]

C!WILBUR INSANE POSTING. guess what. It’s actually about revival arc 😎 wahhoo

Sorry if it’s unorganized i’m too lazy to read it back 💯 plus probably none of you have the attention span to read this /j

LONG LONG POST UNDER CUT!

Brown mop of curls that are frizzy and uncared for, white streaks contrasting the rest. They stick out no matter how much he tries to hide them. When he gets so stressed he tugs at his hair, he notices that its gotten longer since when he actually tried to keep up with it. It wraps around the curves of his ears and turns upwards at the scruff of his neck.

There’s a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows, a reminding mark of a general with a heavy expression going into battle.

His eyes look unfocused over cracked glasses, it always seems like he’s not fully in the moment. Maybe he isn’t, not anymore. His gaze only settles on the ways everyone has changed, when he’s the same person who stood at that button. His absent stare contradicts the heavy smile lines gained years ago. He can’t remember the last time his smile reached that high. Feels awfully forced these days, even when he is happiest. He knows he doesn’t deserve it.

Wilbur struggles with bright lights after being in the dark so long in limbo. His head is always throbbing, and by noon it feels like a very tiny man is pushing his eyes right out from behind. Sometimes he gets too overstimulated and can’t think or stand straight. Tommy worried about him, but he can handle himself.

He has permanent eye bags from decades of sleepless nights. When he puts himself on the stage to be perceived by other’s judgmental stares he lathers thick foundation over the darkest parts. he knows they would notice if he covered all of it. They notice every little detail.

Wilbur’s nose is crooked and hooked at the end. A bump holds his glasses in place where freckles spot his skin. He loves the sunrise, he likes the marks it leaves for him. Maybe the light is finally reclaiming him.

His chin is covered in scratchy stubble. It’s thick and itchy, but his hands are to shaky to shave anymore. He learned that the hard way. He could get someone to do it for him, but who would? People always attack him in the small, minor inconveniences. They seem to hit wilbur harder than anyone else.

His Adam’s apple is very prominent. He gets it from his father.

Two white scars cross down his chest, making an “X.” They are surrounded by dark, unruly burns. When he gets the motivation to change his clothes, he thinks about a fallen country’s flag, which looks very similar to his own body. A part of him hates it, a part of him knows there was a time he would live the flag with pride. He almost hates that more. Sometimes he feels like all he is is the day he got those scars, since that’s all they see him for. He tries not to think about it. Never turns out well when he falls in the pit that is his mind.

*weight mentioned ahead, implied starving as a form of self harm

Wilbur often squishes the fat on his arms and stomach. He doesn’t remember a time where his belly or thighs were this soft, only his ribs casting jagged shadows down his front or his skin wrapped tightly over his bones. It didn’t take long for him to get tired of the potatoes in Pogtopia. Or, that’s what he told everyone when they gave him that look. Pity, he knew it to be. He didn’t need to be pitied, not when this is what they want him to be. A man falling apart, another dog in the ring.

Wilbur thought it was odd, his new shape and stretch marks. He didn’t really hate it though. He is almost comfortable in himself, even when most of his meals were barely choked down. Phil likes to reassure him the healing continues, and he knows his dad isn’t a liar of course, but Wilbur tends to spill his uncontrollable emotion into every good thing. It’s whatever.

Wilbur has lumbar scoliosis, so right before his hips his spine curves into a “C.”

He remembers his mother talking to Phil after his exam for it. Her voice was wound up tight, ranting to phil about how he might be paralyzed when he got older. He can’t remember his mother much, yet that memory is clear as day. He would love to tell her he’s moving about just fine, except for the constant pain. Tommy says it’s normal though. (yes lets ask tommy for medical advice. sure king)

Scars litter his body, all around. Some big, some small. Some major injuries like The Final Control Room, and some are minor losses not even worth noticing during battle. A lot he doesn’t remember. Which might be for the better.

His fingernails are short and chipped. He expects it to be from clawing at the walls in limbo, the scraping sound makes him shiver to think of.

When Wilbur hits his head on doorframes he remembers family photos of him sticking out like a sore thumb in the line. He had his growth spurt early, and got a little too tall for his liking. Techno joked he was 1/4 torso 3/4 leg. Easy to intimidate people though!

Wilbur’s bones ache a lot. They’re old things, he thinks when he hears the pop of his knees. Sometimes the aching gets so bad he can only sit, which is embarrasing when he has to plop down on the prime path while Tommy gives him the worry look again. One time Eret found him catching his breath by the museum, boy he hated that. He remembered the last time they saw each other, when he apologized. Kind of awkward. He wished he could run away, like during L’manburg. A slight smile on his face when the breeze swept his hair back, legs moving in rhythm against the ground. He’s pathetic now, not even able to walk away if he tried. Potions never numb it as much as he hopes.

[ju-nebugg]

a complete (and ever-evolving) list of the many titles of mr. henley whispers

because Henry Shields is a genius and all of this deserves to be documented

Henley Whispers

aka the Turbulent Wind

aka the Storm Before the Calm

aka Lithe Spirit

aka Lord of the Prance

aka Bowfingerer

aka the Bark Knight

aka Work Hard Fae Hard

aka Coyote Handsome

aka Tree Weird

aka the Gorse Whisperer

aka the Arrow-ma Therapist

aka Aragorn-al Activity

aka Quiver Phoenix

aka Jack of All Trades, Master of All Trades

aka Tree Willy

aka Dave Fern

aka Soft-Core Faun-ography

aka Forest Whitaker

aka Notorious Tree-IG

aka Mr. Yumnus

aka Ranger Danger

aka Lust of Wind

aka Parry Hotter

aka Pollen Farrell

aka The Wood, The Bard and the Smugly

aka the Longest Bard

aka Daft Skunk

aka Brodo Swaggins

aka Dismay in a Ranger

aka Harriet Shrubman

aka Jeffrey Archer

aka Fen Diagram

aka Look Who’s Tolkien

aka Fennel May Care

aka the Grass Samurai

aka Chloro-Phil Spector

aka Woody Allen

aka Thelonius Trunk

aka the Moss Adjuster

the ✨ rhymes ✨:

human ranger, damage dealer, story weaver, owl deceiver

human ranger, goblin killer, pale ale swiller, dream journal filler

human ranger, rabble rouser, full of heart, devoid of trouser

human ranger, hidden stranger, friend of danger, dark avenger

human ranger, expert juggler, against the chains which bind us struggler

human ranger, loot stringer, shameless swinger, on da funk bringer

human ranger, check bouncer, espresso mispronouncer 

human ranger, rule flouter, truth spouter, earthworm doubter

human ranger, poker player, that which others won’t say sayer

human ranger, trendsetter, otter petter, in-joke getter

human ranger, blame dodger, advertising for a lodger

human ranger, cheeky chancer, always-on-the-off-beat dancer

human ranger, truth spinner, under-7s judo winner

human ranger, time waster, different brands of water taster

human ranger, hog roaster, subtle boaster, party ghoster 

human ranger, crystal healer, your-layers-like-an-onion peeler

human ranger, hell raiser, into-the-abyss gazer

human ranger, lithe linguist, sensual astrologist

human ranger, bugbear wrestler, established-societal-norm questioner

human ranger, tune hummer, every-known-fear overcomer

human ranger, knowledge gleaner, has the grass that’s always greener

human ranger, deer consumer, vole beguiler, badger groomer

human ranger, havoc wreaker, noted after dinner speaker

human ranger, cattle roper, inter-species interloper

human ranger, prey pouncer, fearless fighter, local counselor

deer stalker, fox glover, the one you’re with lover

black run skier, caged bird freer, the-change-you-want-to-see-in-the-world be-er

human ranger, eldritch blaster, surreptitious podcaster

human ranger, villain injurer, power broker, serial milliner

human ranger, wild reaver, what-a-tangled-web-we-weaver

human ranger, seed sower, flower goer, the-distance goer

human ranger, head turner, butter churner, bridge burner

human ranger, shameless liar, rule defier, hair dyer

human ranger, misbehav-er, always-against-the-grain shaver

human ranger, beast enrager, strong orator, up-upstager

human ranger, owlbear slayer, soothsayer, the-field player

human ranger, quick-quip punner, villain stunner, long-con runner

human ranger, heedless cur, own-job-interview saboteur

human ranger, of-wind guster, no-one truster, goat buster

TRUE FACTS ABOUT HENLEY:

he believes that any bird singing in the forest is doing it specifically for him (and birds don’t sing when he’s not there)

he trims his pubic hair into the word “shazam”

he keeps a dream journal (but if he has a nightmare, he ignores it and makes up something nice)

he writes really bad poetry (short, broken sentences, “rupi kaur style”)

he’s been using Ghoul’s Gruel as anti-aging cream (it doesn’t work)

his spirit animal is himself

he pronounces espresso like “ethpretho”

he has a bad feeling about worms in general

he howls at the moon

he pretends to understand all inside jokes

he’s very concerned about the mortgage repayments on his house

he always dances on the off beat in order to stand out in the club

he’s the reigning champion of the under-7s judo competition in his local area

he can tell the difference between brands of water (and he has very strong opinions about them)

he leaves parties without telling people and then comes back in disguise to talk about the fact that he left

he uses healing crystals

he gazes into the abyss until it gazes back because he wants the attention

he uses “sensual astrology” to try and seduce people

he has every known fear (the exposure therapy backfired)

he shaves (against the grain) with a sword (your hair doesn’t grow in hell. he does it anyway.)

he always has the greenest grass (he steals any grass he sees that’s greener than his own)

he runs a grooming business for badgers (“what does he get in return from the badgers?” “…friends”)

he’s an accomplished after-dinner speaker

he tried to hibernate with badgers and they kicked him out

he majored in drawing in sand with sticks

he’s a bed wetter

he always bets all in when playing poker

he is a leading member of the “pithy council” (it’s just him and a ferret getting together to recite pithy sayings)

he will love the one YOU’RE with (aka sleep with your wife)

when someone asks him a difficult question, he turns and runs

he thinks he’s been leaving episodes of a podcast called “whispers on the air” in various rocks and twigs on their journey, but he doesn’t have the spell for it so he’s just been talking to inanimate objects

he has an unhealthy obsession with hats

he sleeps in a web

he invented a kind of long distance running called long distance fleeing (26 miles = safety)

he burns every bridge he crosses

henley (a natural blonde) dyes his hair blonde (his natural hair color) so people will think he has grays because he’s older and more mature than he really is

he must always be upstaging someone

he has an inexplicable hatred of goats and, similarly, an inexplicable love of sea turtles

[dipandpiptit]

Here is what I wrote down in Berlin after my m&g, if anyone is interested. I'm posting the video and the photos as well because I'm so happy I managed to do and say everything I had planned 😃 I feel like I rambled a lot but the whole thing took 2 minutes.

Hug felt brief rushed automatic (if you want a nicer one go with one hand over their shoulder and hold for a second)

Dan asked if I want to have signed what was in my hands

I said yes, they signed the things and without prompting Dan said what kitties do we have here or something like that.

I told him they're my cats and my puppy and that I actually named the puppy Danny, they laughed

Dan asked if I want a selfie, I said yes but I want to tell you something first. At that point it immediately stopped feeling rushed and they focused entirely on me and waited.

I said first, come to Prague, they said we want to we'd love to. Dan said I have to I've never been.

Second I want to ask how wide is your reach on the piano

Phil got what I asked and translated for Dan

I said I'm actually jealous of his hands

Dan said just above an octave, nine or ten keys. I told him that's not true called him a liar to his face while pointing at him 😂 He said, no it is true! (for context mine is nine keys so ten for him is so not possible)

I said lets compare hands than. They put them in front (phil started) I made a photo.

I love the moment when Dan turns to Phil and goes, can't even fit my hand in a photo!

Then I said actually I want to properly compare them sorry I'm obsessed.... And phil went, with hands? I laught no.. yes.. well.... with the reach (I love the fact I became a victim of Phil’s legendary wit)

Then they took the separate photos of their hands against mine

And than the selfie

I asked them if we have time I have one other idea, that I'd like to recreate the ending of the crafts video with me being the demon. They said okay and stood at each side of me I saw they're not really doing it so I went I'm too small/you're too tall though, they moved closer and crouched and did the faces (I'm the demon phannie).

Then I went away, on the way turned around and said I'm looking forward to the show so much and that it's gonna be great, it's gonna be amazing, did an okay sign with my hand.

Almost forgot my signed things (that I let Phil hold and struggle with the whole time), forgot my phone that they gave to security 😅

Overall it was amazing, it's so nice to see how aware they are of the importance of the meeting for each individual person. It was my first time meeting them and I'm so so happy about it 💙😭🥰💙💙💙

[ilovepinof]

HI! I’m currently making a Dnp Youtube playlist so I can fully introduce them to my mother (since shes going to TIT with me). Do you have any favorites/recommendations??

I’m adding more post hiatus vids since thats the energy we’re mostly getting on tour, but i’ll take anything :]

A silly bonus: The other day I gave her a short rundown of the timeline, and she pauses me and goes “Oh they live together?”, and I said yes expecting her to inquire further but she just went “Very nice.” 😭😭😭 so either shes completely clueless on the dynamic or understood it immediately, but I found that funny.

(I literally saw a big post about this yesterday I wish I could find it but alas I will try to give my best suggestions)

This post can be useful for anyone who has friends/family going to TIT with them that may not know much about Dan and Phil!

This post could also be useful to share with any friends who want to get into Dan and Phil

Feel free to pick and choose, you obviously don't have to watch every single one of these with your TIT buddy.

Category 1: Dan and Phil Lore - There are a few current videos that can give insight into past&present Dan and Phil lore without having to go super duper in-depth with her about everything.

Dan and Phil React to Every Phil is not on fire! #1 - I feel like anyone whos seeing TIT should be aware of Pinof lore but maybe thats just me because...I mean look at my username. I think watching PINOF react #1 is good enough because its the core trilogy and explains their origins well

Are Dan and Phil Connected? - I'd describe this video as taking a ton of shots of Dan and Phil lore rapidly at once, though she wouldn't understand everything she could at least begin to know stuff!

Both Pizza Mukbangs!! Here is mukbang 1 & here is mukbang 2. I feel like these two videos really encompass a lot of what Dan and Phil have gone through in the last few years and lay a good foundation of the tour.

Halloween Baking - SLIME AND SADDNESS CINNAMON ROLLS - Dan and Phil baking is a core part of Dan and Phil content and cannot be missed. This one doubles as a fun activity! You can bake and watch Dan and Phil together! Me and my (non phannie) partner did this and it was so much fun.

Any WDAPTEO - Heres a link to the most recent one

One final option in this category would be either of the dnp react to phan twt videos because it would explain the fans more but I don't feel as if this is necessary.

Category 2: Dan vs Phil - I feel like Dan vs Phil really shows a lot about their individual characters and dynamics. I'd start her off with these videos to get her into the world of Dan and Phil a little. Here are the ones I suggest.

Dan vs Phil IS BACK! Switch Sports

Is Dan smarter than Phil?

Dan vs Phil - FALL GUYS!

PARTIAL KITCHEN REVEAL SHUFFLEBOARD SHOWDOWN!

Category 3: Misc - Videos that I could not fill a full category for but I think would still be good.

This game ended our friendship - Bread and Fred - In a similar way that I feel like Dan vs Phil shows their dynamics well, I think it's important to also show the chaos of their team work. This one was one of my favs I rewatched it so much.

Who is the liar? Dan Phil or Pj - Whats a better way to get to know someone than Dan and Phil with one of their good friends? I highly suggest any Dan Phil Pj Soph video!!

GOLF WITH SLITS - Dan and Phil Play: Golf with Friends #9 - An iconic channel series.

Category 4: (some of) ILOVEPINOF's fav comeback videos - These videos were just my personal favorites. Think of this list as kind of "extra things you could watch" because they're all reallly good videos in my opinion.

Dan and Phil's raging Trombones

Trunk Dexting with Pan and Dhil

Dan and Phil Dress Each Other

Forcing Dan to Watch MORE Tiktok Likes

THE BACHELOR PARTY - Dan and Phil play The Sims 4: Season 2 #5

[pseudophan]

dan especially. is not a good liar. people think he's the better liar but he's so much worse than phil. like phil mentioned in the mean girls video: he gives too many details ! like yes tell us why a wedding sounds sooo terrible tell us all the things you'd hate about weddings all the information you know despite never going to one . phil's poker face is shit but dan talks himself into so many holes

LITERALLYYYY LMAO. also dnp are so.. dan especially... going in on how much he doesnt wanna do something that hes already planning on doing. oh i fear they've made me more insane

[rainbowchaox]

OK I NEED TO RANT ABOUT A AU I JUST SPAWNED OK (and yes fanfic writers and fanartists if you fancy please use it and @me I BEG)

Anyways the concept is fully spawned by missa on the horse. It came to me in visions.

Anyways to explain Missa is a knight for a kingdom with an evil king. Missa is HATED by said king probs cause he rejected said king. Or is open being against said king. Because he is being horrible to his people. And missa may be the knight known for his clumsiness (he joined to help people and comes from a peasant background). But he has a massive heart.

So Missa is tasked with a quest to find immortality for said king (Missa really doesn’t want to do this because said king is a tyrant). But Missa has no choice otherwise he be sent to the gallows for treason against the king. So Missa goes through many misadventures straight from fairytales (becomes a servant to a hag, has to deal with a dragon, has to save someone from a tower etc) all to somehow find immortality.

Anyways you must be guessing Where is Phil? And I shall answer. Pretty much Phil is a Fae that is very much in love with Missa. I like to imagine Phil was doing fae things shapeshifting into animals or people to see if people are generous or need to be punished. And Missa always helped and was just so GOOD. So he fell in love and always helps him out (example enchanted a spoon when a evil hag told Missa will be enslaved until a lake is emptied using said spoon)

Phil soon on Missa quest joins him as a companion. Missa on his end gets a crush on him. Because Phil is so gentle and kind to him. Not realizing that technically Phil is already his husband under Fae Law. Making tons of cute misunderstandings.

Phil has crow wings and elfin ears and cat like pupils that do shine in the dark. And he does have TEETH. He tends to wear peasant clothes. With a green cloak (like to imagine his wings are sorta like the ox tail to the huldra he can’t glamor it.) He can transform into different animals but prefers transforming into a crow if not in his normal form.

Fae Phil really loves his loser wet cat knight ok. Fae Phil is also VERY jealous as Fae tends to be. But he prefers Missa being able to choose and being free. So he is very heavily courting Missa in the human way (despite in Fae Law they are already married and Phil already thinking Missa as his husband)

And Fae Phil spoils his husband. Missa is never in true harm. Like Missa never starves, his flask never empties and the most delicious fruits and meats appear at his camp after he sleeps. And he never gets that sick.

But Missa gets into fairytale shenanigans and does save someone from a tower and said person tries to flirt only for Phil to curse them so they trip over themselves into mud. (He is a fae and Missa is his husband he can be very petty)

It’s funny because Fae Phil under the guise of a friend he found in the woods also acts like a damsel sometimes. Like “oh no our sleeping rolls must be together because I’m SO scared about the monsters in the forest”. And it’s not even good acting because Fae are such bad liars.

(Fae Phil will always save his husband from the troll or a hag of the week but also loves to see him struggle. Missa is never at danger of actually being hurt tho)