#Paperwork is hell

[kara-ct]

Cody : General Kenobi, we need to talk.

Obi-Wan : Is there a problem?

Cody : Yes. Well, no, not really. We are not under attack. No one died. And 501 is on another planet.

Obi-Wan : So what's the problem?

Cody : You need to find a Padawan.

Obi-Wan : What? Why?

Cody : Because I want a Padawan! Go get one!

Obi-Wan : We don't have time for that.

Cody : I can give him food and drink! I can also take it out for a walk!

Obi-Wan : Cody, it doesn't work like that...

Cody : It's not fair! Gree, Grey, and even Rex have a Padawan!

Obi-Wan : ... Why do you want a Padawan?

Cody : To give him the order to do my paperwork of course.

Obi-Wan : Cody!

Cody : What? Skywalker does it all the time! I can't stand to deal with all the paperwork anymore! Do you realize all the work I do?! I eat and breathe paperwork! I sleep with paperwork! I'm struggling with paperwork! I'm talking with paperwork!

Obi-Wan : I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration...

Cody : My LIFE is paperwork!!

Cody :

[trustymikh]

when you binge watch a tv show late into the night even though you have work the next day

[an-established-butt-dent]

The Veil is thin tonight-

-Can you feel it on your skin?

Tingling?

Ink and fineliner on paper

Available as Print

[aro-in-danyl]

Platonic Radioapple Marriage

after Lucifer and Alastor start to get along

Lucifer: A year ago today I married my best friend

Charlie: Aww that's so sweet- wait haven't you and mom been married for centuries?

Alastor, popping up from the shadows and showing off a ring: Your mother was very cross.

Lucifer, showing his two rings: We were drunk and it was hilarious!

[qqueenofhades]

Where is that text post about procrastinating on a task for literal months only to find that it takes less than 10 minutes to complete and is so very easy. Because etc etc I am in this picture and I don't like it.

[serethereal]

i don’t want a job i want to be tipsy and kiss someone in a grassy field

[y-rhywbeth2]

...starting to dawn on me why the Chosen decided to utilise an army of mind control squids for world domination. Tadpoles, erasure of identity, and hive minds are fast and efficient, as these things go.

The job of the High Primate is managing the entire Bhaalist church in a region (in the case of the region around Baldur's Gate that should be the Western Heartlands) and trying to bring these regions under Bhaalist control. Bhaal having been out of commission for a good century (and the Gate being the only place known to have a temple), there's a lot of room for growth. Like, you're starting basically from scratch with the world's least useful sycophantic butler, a brainwashed half-brother, maybe a decrepit ex-priest or two at risk of keeling over from old age, and your niece (who hates you), and any overly excited serial killers you can find who are up for a new religion.

You'd be looking at pinning down Baldur's Gate first (that'll take at least a few years). Maybe using the Brethren of the Keen Strike to start spreading influence amongst the smaller, less important settlements and locations in the immediate region like Beregost (and Candlekeep maybe?)

But you're going to want to seize influence in Elturgard (Torm is their favourite god; good luck with that) and Najara (infiltrating a yuan-ti cult with another cult: good luck with that.). You might also be attempting to manipulate the elves of Evereska (they won't like that very much either).

And that's an insane amount of work. Except it's actually worse! Because Bhaal's instructions weren't just "I'm putting you in charge of my church in this region and want this area brought to heel."

Bhaal: I am making you my Chosen and High Primate, my prophet, the leader of my reborn faith, and my avatar upon this world.

Durge: So you want me to bring the entire Western Heartlands under your influence?

Bhaal: No.

Bhaal: The Entire World.

Durge, screaming internally: And how soon do you want this accomplished, Father?

Bhaal: Quickly.

Gortash probably has a similar job, but as a Banite I suppose world domination schemes are a hobby of his. I wonder how many schemes they went through before they decided on mind flayer empire, and who had the idea?

On the bright side, once you'd finished expanding your power far enough and have multiple temples and can start appointing individual Primates and Primistresses to manage them, you can make Orin Primistress of Baldur's Gate and she can kick you out of her room and maybe hate you a little less. (Well, no, but it might make things a little calmer while she plots against you? Or she'll shank you for presuming to "give her" the temple she sees as hers already.) Clergy usually live in the temples, and Bhaal's temples are described as fortresses that house the assassins: I think Orin lives in the temple too. Pretty sure she was born there. From her perspective you are very much freeloading in her house.

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 22 of Palmarosa:

‘Which one do you want today?’ she said as they reached another corridor. ‘Lothar or Lareth? Or is it some other poor liyan you’ve decided to set your sights upon?’ ‘Lareth is here too? Splendid. All these lost souls you make room for, how generous of you. The Last Word is my favourite larder.’ Alectrona rolled her eyes, even as she looked over Astarion with disdain. Astarion straightened. His experience with drows didn’t lean towards the favourable. Who was she to look down on him? ‘You’re already vaendan-thiil,’ she said to Astarion. ‘Cursed before this one found you, yes? You have that look in your eyes. You’ve not been here before, I know all who end up downstairs in the dark with the rest of the aeseva and aeristerva who humble themselves in the art of khaolyrrin.’ ‘I’m not familiar with the dialect,’ Astarion said finally. The only phrase he’d recognised was vaendan-thiil, a reference to someone worn down to fatigue by life’s struggles. He’d wanted to argue but it seemed apt. ‘It isn’t a dialect,’ Alectrona said. ‘It’s a language that suits us and our livelihoods. He’s explained nothing to you, has he?’ Astarion looked at Raphael uncertainly. ‘And what soul of quality do you have to give him, being the thing that you are?’ Alectrona added. ‘I hear reports, you know. Thousands of aberrations just like you in the underdark. Behave yourself, monster.’

[augentrust]

I must know about Judge, Jury, Executioner!

fancy seeing you here! :D [wip ask game]

this is the same ikithon trial fic that we chatted about during the last writer ask game! it hasn’t gotten very far, but i keep a doc open so as not to lose track of it

snippet below the cut!

“First things first.” Beauregard drops a large scroll on the table before them and nudges it to roll open. It takes Caleb a moment to recognize the numbers and names in various squares.  “I don’t need this,” he feels compelled to point out as Yasha inspects the calendar.  “Good for you, keen mind,” Beauregard says, commandeering his mug to use as a paperweight for one of the corners. The remnants of dinner are still strewn about, making a cramped situation worse, and Caleb has to rescue the small paper bag containing his apple tart as she gestures for Yasha to weigh down the other corner. “Not all of us are walking clocks, though, and this is a group calendar.”  “...group calendar.”  “Yeah. Babe, pass me a quill?” Yasha plucks one from where Caleb was taking notes before dinner and hands it over. While Beauregard busies herself with ink – thankfully not of Caleb’s quality selection – Caleb shoots Yasha a questioning look, glancing between her and the calendar. She offers him a slight shrug.

[laurapetrie]

GLORIFYING THE AMERICAN GIRL (1929)

[vitamin-zeeth]

experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit

[tj-crochets]

Woooo I forgot I'd agreed to cover for a coworker being off this afternoon so I cannot take this afternoon off myself! The poll winning plushie pattern (which at this point is looking like either werewolf in a flannel shirt or burger turtle) might be a bit delayed

[alexandraisyes]

SOoOoOoOooo do you genuinely prefer to keep the ask anons active before ensuring your mental health?

I don't know if you are as childish as those anons or you are just a masochist who likes to get attention, maybe both

I was going to just flag and block you, however a lot of people including my friends are wondering why I'm not turning off anons, so I suppose I'll address it once and only once.

I'm not affected by the petty little "hate campaign" people are sending in my inbox. I laugh at them, make fun of them, report, and block. And then I never see them again. I've only seen about 6 people in total that I've had to block, and I'm not going to turn off anons because a few people shit in the playground. This is my blog, I can do whatever the hell I want with it, and it's really no one's business.

I'm not a masochist, that would mean I'm getting sexual pleasure out of this. That would be paradoxical since the last time I checked I'm aroace. I'm simply indifferent and apathetic. This isn't affecting my "mental health". It would be childish to answer the anons who are sending harassment towards me, I'm just blocking and moving on. It literally doesn't affect me in the slightest, and I really don't give a fuck if people want to harass me. I just ask that they keep my friends and followers out of it.

Harassment only works if it bothers someone. At worst I'm bored because they're struggling to be original. You can only send the same kind of ask so many times before it loses its spark. Come on people, if you're going to hate me do better. This is weak and pathetic and shows that you really don't care about whatever issue you're preaching, you're just looking for my attention.

You have to be really obsessed with someone to dedicate this much energy towards hating them, so maybe I should be flattered about all my parasocial little crows flocking into my inbox.

[totallycorrectjediorderquotes]

Cin: Did you do your paperwork?

Kit: I did. Well, I tried to. Well, I tried to want to.

[death-andtaxes]

This video. I've not even finished it and I'm falling apart. Sitting on the bus grinning like a loon.

[doorstoplord]

I am in misery ~