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ivystoryweaver · 2 months

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🌿IvyStoryUpdates Aug. 1 - here's the rest of 2024!

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In case you missed it in July: 🔥 indicates 18+ story

🔥 When You Come Back Home Santiago Garcia (July 14)

Still With You - a With You standalone sequel one shot Moon Boys (July 21) - can be read on its on

🔥 Perfect Fit Volume 2 Nathan Bateman (July 28)

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📬 It’s ASK ME AUGUST 📥

This month I am going to focus almost exclusively on ASKS. I have lots to work on but you can still send some!

🌙 “Can’t Stand It” Marc Spector POSTED

📚 Professor!Steven Grant x Professor!Reader for nonnie

🤖 Your Father’s Rival!Nathan Bateman POSTED

🧤 Jake Lockley Oblivious Alters Headcanons, a Steven Grant Oblivious Roommate Headcanons bonus chapter for @missdictatorme

👔 “Let Me” Soft dom!Jake Lockley x curvy!reader for @ladywynne - yes, a tie is involved

And more!

🍂 SEPTEMBER:

Writing a few things for Angstember, but I’m not doing 30 days of it. Maybe 4-8?

So far, I have angsty fics for Shiv, Outcome 3 and Anselm Vogelweide

Feel free to share or save the prompts!

🎃 OCTOBER:

Gonna dabble in @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction's Kinktober 2024 for a few days

By Halloween, I will complete my spooky MK fic 👻 Spectre 👻

NOVEMBER aka Poevember:

🪽Completion of my Poe story The Only One

🌳 Finish my abandoned Life Day Poe one shot "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

🚀 New "Poe crash lands to Earth" story that I've been talking about for months

"Just for an Hour" - The war is over but your best friend Poe still feels like the fate of everyone rests on his shoulders. You lure him to a swimming hole, trying to get his mind off of his responsibilities...only to find his mind is fixed on you.

General Dameron poses for propaganda pics (you know the Brioni ones)

DECEMBER:

Who knows but if Perfect Fit isn't done by then, idek

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Main Masterlist

My current WIP list

Updates blog - @ivystoryupdates Askbox always open 📥

💚 Ivy

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bungou-stray-dingus · 4 years

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Unobtainable

Pairing : Poe x Fem!Reader

A/N : I write about this topic too much, and I know I do. But I promise the next four angst scenarios have nothing to do with this stuff! Anyway, I hope y’all won’t cry as much as I did while writing this.

T/W : Pregnancy ; Death; Stillbirth ; Devastation ; Sadness ; Angst

Word Count : 2.2K

Angstember Day 6

He was always on edge, always so sure that he never deserved the joy that you gave him. When the two of you had gotten married, he was positive that you would end up leaving him, that you would find someone better than him. You promised him that you would never, that you loved him dearly, and you promised him the same thing every day for the last five years. When you brought up starting a family, he was downright terrified, the idea of becoming a father didn't sit well with him. He didn't deserve you, he most definitely didn't deserve one of your children. What if he hurt them? What if he wasn't the father they needed? He couldn't fathom it. It was you who reassured him that it would be okay, that he would be the perfect father, telling him all the wonderful things he could do and teach his child as his mind filled with beautiful images of him, you, and his child.

When you had become pregnant he honestly thought you were joking, that it was just some type of sick joke that you were playing on him. He had a hard time believing that he could ever be that lucky. He had you, the most perfect girl in the universe, a girl that he could have never written in the pages of any of his books, but here you were, and now you were saying that you were carrying his child.

It took a couple weeks for him to actually come to terms that you were legitimately pregnant. Even after seeing the positive tests, he was scared that it was a false positive, always so pessimistic. he refused to accept the tests for what they were. It wasn't until that first doctors appointment, seeing his child on the screen, sure, it looked like a tiny little bean, but that's when it was validated, and he felt like he could actually be happy.

He didn't waste any time, he wanted to let his child know that he loved them already, and that he would always be there for them. Nights were spent with him laying his head carefully on your stomach, smiling up at you as you ran your fingers through his hair. He looked so peaceful, so content, so happy, and seeing him this way made it hard for you to believe that he had ever been worried in the first place. Some days he would spend in his makeshift office, writing out stories that he could tell his child, stories that had beautiful scenery and friendly characters, stories that he spent hours on just to be sure they would be perfect when the child was finally here.

Weeks turned to months, your stomach slowly began to grow larger with his child. Every second he could find, his hands were all over your abdomen, his smile never fading whenever he touched you. Things were perfect, you had never seen him smile so much, not even when you had first gotten married. To him, everything was falling into place, to him, this child was like the missing chapter in a novel that he was working on, and he could finally say that his story was complete.

You both found out that you would be bringing a baby girl into the world, and he was over the moon, he was ecstatic. If anyone looked close enough, they would have seen a small tear fall from the corner of his eye, but you were the only one who had caught it. His hand was wrapped tightly in yours as your daughter showed up on the screen, her tiny fingers brought up to her mouth, an ultrasound image that had been printed and carried around with him everywhere.

Her name was chosen as soon as you found out, and when her nursery room was painted, he had painted it in perfect script across the wall. He had picked the name, something that he was quite excited about doing, much to your surprise. Edlyn Grace, a name he whispered against your tummy often. His love for your daughter seemed to grow more and more with every passing day. It all was becoming more real, she had a name, her room was ready, her closet was filled, everything was ready for her to be here.

"What do you think she'll be like, love?" He asked one morning as you sat at the table. He brought you over a cup of tea, the steam still billowing from the top of the cup. You blew the steam away as you brought the cup up to your lips, carefully sipping before answering.

"I think she'll be perfect. She'll be loved, doted over, cherished, as any child should be. Maybe even more." You smiled up at him as you set the cup down, feeling her kick against your stomach, as if letting you know that she heard you talking about her. You rubbed your stomach to soothe her and he took a seat next to you, watching your hand.

"She'll be happy though, right?" He looked up at you and you could see the small hint of worry in his eyes as he asked the question. You reached out to cup his cheek in your hand, his hand moving up to place it over yours. "That's a stupid question, I'm sorry." He dropped his gaze, and you shook your head.

"It's not a stupid question. I want her to be happy, you want her to be happy, and I'm quite positive she will be. How could she not be. You're going to be an amazing father, she's lucky to have you." You leaned over to kiss him, feeling his lips pull up when you did so. You couldn't take all his fears away, every father had lingering doubts about how good they'll be, but you could do your best to let him know that everything would be okay, and that's exactly what you did.

Time had passed quickly, it seemed like in the blink of an eye you had gone from just finding out that you were pregnant to being thirty weeks in. You only had ten weeks left, and up until now everything had been going flawlessly.

You had woken up one morning with a strange back pain, it had made it almost impossible to even get out of bed, but you didn't want to worry Poe, so you toughed it out, hoping that maybe you had slept wrong. It seemed like a logical reason, you didn't feel anything else was off, your back just hurt. You went through the day, trying you best to not let on that anything was wrong. Poe stayed close, but that was just how he was, he gravitated towards you and the baby, so you had to keep a strong face the entire time.

The pain lasted for a while, and it wasn't getting any better. You tried multiple different sleeping positions, and once you had told Poe about it, he had went out and bought you a multitude of different pillows that he thought would help ease your pain. You hadn't actually worried, not until you woke up one morning, your legs wet, the bed sheets stained red, that's when you started panicking.

You backed away from the bed, one hand over your stomach, the other covering your mouth as you stared down at the stain on the bed. It was too much blood, you knew it wasn't good. You screamed Poe's name, calling him in from the kitchen. He had been making breakfast for you, trying to help you relax so your back wouldn't hurt, but when he walked in and saw the bed, then looked over to you, his mind went blank. What was he supposed to do? This wasn't normal. No. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Dreams shattered, his story all but thrown away as he watched the doctors quickly slice your abdomen open. He wasn't there, not mentally, not emotionally. He was standing right next to you, but he couldn't accept the outcome, the outcome that the doctors had told him was inevitable. No cameras allowed, "it's not something you'll want to remember, sir" they had said as they wheeled you down the hallway towards the operating room, the mask already placed over your face to put you to sleep.

He watched as the doctors pulled his daughter out, she was beautiful, her hair was matted in blood and fluid, but she didn't cry. She couldn't cry. She was gone. She didn't move, she didn't breathe. The doctor quickly handed her off to the nurse standing behind him, as if he hadn't already seen her. His eyes followed the nurses as they whisked her away out of the room. He was emotionless, he couldn't feel anything, not anger, not sadness... nothing.

The doctors began murmuring to each other, the bleeding won't stop, they needed to take it out. He wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he was sure that once you had woken up they would explain everything to the two of you.

Edlyn Grace, she was born dead, not one breath taken, her lips were already a dark shade of purplish blue when they had pulled her out. She had passed away before she was even born, there was no chance of saving her at that point. The doctors had said that somehow the placenta, her life line in a way, had become detached from the uterine wall. They never really gave you or him a hypothetical explanation for how it could have happened, only offering their sympathies after explaining that your daughter had died.

There would be no hope for another child in the future, all dreams of having a family of your own were long gone. The doctors had to remove your uterus due to not being able to stop the bleeding. Not only had you lost your daughter, but you had lost any chances of anymore pregnancies, of another baby, all in the same day.

You weren't sure what hurt worse, the pain of the stitches from the c-section, or the pain of listening to the doctor tell you that your dreams would never come true.

She was cremated, her ashes in a small pink urn that was placed carefully on the dresser top in her nursery. The walls in the room were now lined with pictures, the only pictures you and Poe would ever have with her. At first glance they looked like happy family portraits with you cradling her against your chest, it probably looked like tears of happiness were streaming down your cheeks as you stared down at her, but you and he both knew that wasn't the case.

You and him were only allowed an hour and a half to spend with her before they had to take her away again. Poe never cried, not one tear fell. He was trying to stay strong for you while also trying to come to terms with everything. He had been the one who called the funeral home to ask for her to be cremated, as you hadn't been able to talk at the time, not coherently at least. When he held her, he held her close against his chest, his head bowed and pressed against hers. He whispered to her, and even now you don't know what he had said, but you never asked, and you didn't plan on asking either, some things just needed to stay private.

When her ashes were to be picked up from the funeral home, you both went together. You noticed that his eyes would often drift to the back seat of the car where her car seat was hooked up. He refused to get rid of it, at least for now, worried that she would be upset if her things were quickly removed. He was silent most of the time, moving through the house like a ghost. Sometimes he would stop to wrap his arms around you, kissing your forehead as you broke down in tears against his chest. No words were exchanged, but they weren't needed, you both knew how the other felt, and talking about it would only make it harder.

Her foot and hand prints were framed and placed on both sides of her urn. Her memory box that had only her hat and the blanket she had been wrapped in was set up behind the urn, a beautiful pastel pink box with a white ribbon tied around it. What was once a room where she would sleep, was now a room where her spirit would rest forever. Her crib was never touched, her clothes and toys would slowly but surely soon grow layers of dust, but they would never be removed.

Some nights you would feel the bed shift, he would quietly leave the room, but you never followed. You knew where he was going. He did it almost every night, and you would listen closely, his choked off sobs and sniffles echoed through the empty halls of the house, mixed in with the sound of the creaking rocking chair.

You never knew, and you never asked what he did in the room. It was his private moments with her, and he deserved it. He would sit in the rocking chair, carefully untying the ribbon of the memory box and gently pulling out her blanket. He held it close against his chest and finally let himself cry. True happiness was unobtainable, it had been stolen from him, and he would never understand why.

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