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queenvidal · 6 months ago

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I'm Sorry

Chapter 1:

Chapter Summary: The last thing Shepard wanted was to have her ex-boyfriend aboard, but little did she knew how much she'd regret what she's said.

Wordcount: 2855

Chapter Index: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2/ Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 - COMING SOON!

Masterlist

With quick steps, Shepard strides toward the cockpit. Joker’s announcement about the jump through the mass relay sparked her excitement, she wouldn’t miss this for anything. She passes Pressly with a big smile on her lips.

Suddenly she stops dead in her tracks and her smile vanishes. A tall figure is standing behind the pilot seat.

Suppressing a groan, Shepard rolls her eyes and steps into position beside Joker, completely ignoring the turian standing nearby. Nihlus glances at her for a moment before returning his attention back on the screens in front of the pilot.

“Hey, Shep,” Joker greets with a grin, knowing she wouldn’t miss the jump. But his grin also is short lived and soon disappears. The turian's looming presence unsettles him. Joker hates being watched and the turian breathing down his neck is making him nervous. “Coming for the show?” he asks, his voice a little strained.

Shepard chuckles. “Always.”

Joker adjusts his cap and announces, “Alright, fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen. We’re going through.” His fingers fly over the console as the Normandy accelerates toward the mass relay. The sheer scale of the relays never fails to impress Shepard, who watches intently as Joker counts down. The cockpit bathes in brilliant blue light as the Normandy launches into the relay’s energy field.

Suddenly the blue sigts into a stunning sea of millions of stars flashes before them, painting the cockpit in a tranquil glow. Shepard’s lips twitch into a small smile as awe briefly replaces her earlier irritation. The sight is simply beautiful.

Moments later, the Normandy slows down, the stars of their destination stretching out before them. Joker’s hands fly over the controls as he runs post-jump diagnostics. “Thrusters check, navigation check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift just under 1500k.”

Nihlus nods approvingly. “1500 is good, your captain will be pleased.” He turns around to take his leave, glancing at Shepard for one final time before exiting the cockpit.

Joker quickly looks over his shoulder, waiting until the turian is out of earshot. “I hate this guy.” Shepard smirks, holding back laughter at Joker’s visible frustration. Kaidan, who is sitting at the co-pilot console, is shaking his head. “Joker, come one. He just gave you a compliment.”

“Compliment my ass.” The pilot girths through his teeth, “I just jumped us halfway across the whole galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. That’s not good, that's incredible.” While grumbling some curses, Joker's focus returns to his displays. “Besides Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him around.” Neither do I, Shepard thinks to herself. Nihlus belongs on the Citadel, not Andersons ship. Kaidan argues, “The council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment. You’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Joker sighs as he enters in new codes. “That's the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story, right, Shep?”

The Commander finally relaxes her posture, letting out a deep sigh. "Honestly? The Council could have sent anyone to supervise the operation, yet they not only sent a Spectre, but him out of all people. They are not truly concerned about the Normandy. The sooner he’s off my ship the better.”

Joker looks at her with a shit-eating grin, “Well, technically it’s Captain Anderson's ship.”

“And technically-” Shepard whispers as she pushes Joker's cap down, right into his face. “You know what I meant.”

“Hey, that's mean!” He complains. He takes his cap off to readjust it properly. “Since when are you sensitive? Pissed you two can't share your bunks anymore?”

Shepard’s glare could set fire to steel. “Don’t test my tamper, Mr. Moreau.” As much as she loves Joker, sometimes he doesn’t know when he’s going too far.

Irritated by Shepards sudden bad mood, Kaidan turns his chair to look at the Commander. “Okay, I feel like I’m missing something. What’s going on?” Joker just huffs a laugh. “Yeah sure, Aleko. As if you don’t know about it.”

“About what?” He asks, raising his brows in question.

Joker stays quiet, leaving Shepard to decide whether she wants to tell Kaidan or not. After a moment of consideration, Shepard explains what’s been going on. “You’ll probably learn it from the others anyway, so I might as well tell you. Kryik and I were involved… romantically.”

Kaidan’s jaw drops to the ground. “What?”

“Yep.” She sighs. “Have been just until a few months ago actually.”

“Well, given your mood, I guess it didn’t end well?” Kaiden asks carefully.

“That’s one way to put it.” Shepard crosses her arms in front of her chest. “We’ve been dating for some time and then things moved quite quickly. Everything was peachy until, from one day to another, he changed. Suddenly he treated me like a stranger and when I confronted him about it, he told me that it was all a big mistake, that turians and humans shouldn’t be together and that he regrets it.”

Kaidan looks at her with wide blown eyes, stunned into silence.

Shepard casts him a sad smile. “That’s exactly the look I had, when he told me all of this.” A ping on her omni tool announces a new message. “For fuck sake.”

“Speaking of the devil, huh?” Joker asks.

“Yup.” Shepard deletes Nihlus message without even bothering to read it. “It’s bad enough to see him strolling through the ship the whole day, can’t he just have the decency to not annoy me even further?”

Suddenly Anderson's voice sounds over the speakers. “Commander Shapard, I need to speak to you in my cabin.”

“Uh!” Joker smiles brightly at her. “Someone’s in trouble.”

Shepard just rolls her eyes, tempted to mess with his cap again. “Bite me, Jeff.”

Quickly the Commander makes her way to the elevator. Once inside, she hits the button for the mess hall a bit harder than necessary. She lets out an irritated sigh before rubbing her eyes. Whatever Nihlus is actually here for, she’s just hoping it will be done as soon as possible.

Eventually the elevator doors open again, releasing her. Shepard goes straight for the Captain's cabin. She knocks on the door before it wooshes open. “How can I be of service?” She asks, while entering.

Captain Anderson is sitting at his desk. He turns around to face her. “Lynette.” is all he says in greeting. He signs for Shepard to sit on the seat across from him. “I have to talk to you.”

“Of course.” She says as she’s taking a seat, crossing her legs.

The captain sighs deeply. He is visibly uncomfortable. “Lynette, I’ll be blunt, this conversation isn’t easy for me and I doubt it will be for you either.”

Shepard tilts her head slightly, her brow furrowing.

Anderson takes a deep breath. “You’re familiar with Alliance regulations about fraternization aboard a ship, I assume?”

Shepard groans, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Oh, Anderson, please don’t.”

“I have to,” Anderson says, his tone almost contrite. “Look, I’m not here to pry into your personal life. But with Nihlus aboard, I need your assurance that… whatever happened between you two won’t interfere with missions or ship operations.”

“Of course not, Anderson.” Shepard affirms. She might hate Nihlus guts but she won’t act on her ill feelings, she’s too professional for anything else. “I promise.”

Anderson nods slightly in approval. “Good to hear.”

“Allow me a question, sir?” Shepard crosses her arms casually. “What’s the actual reason for a Spectre to be here?”

Anderson falls back into his chair. “That’s classified.”

“Oh?” Lynette’s eyebrows raise, a small smirk tugging at her lips. “So there is another reason?”

The Captain narrows his eyes for a moment as he realizes his slip. “That’s something we will discuss tomorrow, Shepard. That’s all I can tell you at the moment.”

“Very well.” She says. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

Anderson hesitates again, his voice softening. “Actually, yes. It might not be my place to ask, but… have you and Nihlus ever talked about what happened? Afterward, I mean.”

“Nope.” Shepard shakes her head.“ After he blew on me, I packed my things and left. Haven't seen or heard from him ever since and as far as I'm concerned, I'd like to keep it that way.”

Certainly she knows the space on the ship is limited and therefore the chance of running into him is pretty high but that doesn't mean she can't at least try to avoid him.

Anderson just nods silently. “Just do me the favor and keep it low, okay? This is not meant to anger you.”

“Yeah, sure.” She whispers to herself when she stands up. “Sir.” She salutes casually at her Captain before leaving his cabin again.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A new cycle has started on the Normandy. Breakfast has started to be giving out in the mess, which is slowly starting to get crowded. Soldiers shuffle through the line, grabbing trays of rations, some exchanging groggy greetings while others simply nurse their coffee in silence.

Kaidan sits at a corner table, chatting with Doctor Chakwas. Anticipating the morning rush, he’s already picked up an extra tray for their Commander, placing it at the empty seat beside him. He hopes the small gesture will help lift her mood, which has been notably sour since Nihlus arrived.

The tables conversation drifts between topics, focusing on Kaidan’s latest episode of headaches, when Shepard finally appears. “Morning, Commander!” Kaidan calls, spotting Shepard as she strides into the mess.

Mid-yawn, Shepard perks up slightly at the sound of his voice. Her eyes dart to the tray waiting for her, and she gives him a tired but genuine smile. “Kaidan, you’re too good to me,” she says with a tired smile, sliding into the seat.

“I live to serve,” he replies, the corners of his mouth quirking into a small grin.

“Good morning, Commander.” Doctor Chakwas her kindly. “Slept well?”

“Well enough,” Shepard replies, though she’s already diving into her breakfast.

The conversation between Kaidan and Chakwas resumes with Shepard not contributing much, her focus is entirely on her meal. The calm is short-lived though, as a familiar voice breaks through the low hum of the mess.

“Lynette, do you have a minute?”

Shepard freezes mid-bite, suppressing a groan. It’s far too early to deal with him. Without looking up, she responds in a clipped tone, “Good morning, Spectre. The correct form of address is Commander Shepard, and no, I don’t.”

In an instant the air is becoming tense. The surrounding tables go quiet, soldiers suddenly finding reasons to focus on their food or shuffle away. Kaidan shifts uncomfortably in his seat and Chakwas raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Both share a quick uncomfortable glance. Nihlus pauses, clearly weighing his options. Finally, the turian straightens. “Commander,” he says simply, before turning on his heel and walking away toward the elevator.

Once he’s gone, Chakwas sighs as she looks at Shepard. Her voice carries a hint of disapproval. “Was that really necessary?”

“No,” Shepard admits, spearing a piece of food. “But a fork to his eyes might be.”

“Shepard!” Chakwas scolds, her eyes wide blown. “You’re an adult woman, for heaven’s sake.”

“I’m kidding, Karin." Lynette replies, raising her hands in mock surrender. “Probably.”

Before Chakwas can retort, Joker’s voice crackles over the speakers. “Commander Shepard, you’re needed in the comm room.”

Shepard exhales heavily, dropping her fork onto the tray with a clatter. “Of course I am.”

Quickly she rises to her feet. While gesturing to the tray, she’s giving Kidan a nod. “Thanks for grabbing this, Alenko.”

“Anytime,” he smiles, watching her retreat toward the elevator.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It was late in the morning, almost midday, when the Commander returned from the meeting she had with Anderson and Nihlus. Seeing Joker was the first thing she did. As annoying as the Pilot can be at times, he is still one of Shepards closest friends. He was the first and only one she broke the news to.

“Spectre, I can't believe it.” She says while looking at the stars, swaying gently from side to side in the chair, her tone softening. “I really can’t believe it.”

It’s an honor, that’s for sure. Becoming the first human Spectre is nothing Lynette could have ever imagined would happen in her career. She’ll definitely have to give her mother a call later.

“Yeah, about time, huh?” Joker asks, his voice full of sarcasm. “About time the Council added humans to their puppet show. You know, gotta make sure every species gets tangled in their strings” The Commander frowns at him. “Sorry, Shep. I really don’t mean to shit on your accomplishments. It's just…”

“You’re not fond of the council. I know.” She smiles lightly.

“One way to put it. My point is I don’t like you being dragged into their political bullshit. I mean, see what they did. They could have sent about any Spectre to test you, yet they’ve sent King Asshole.”

“Yeah, I know.” The woman agrees. “Let’s put her under a real stress test. Why don’t we force her and her racist ex into a small tin can of a ship for a week?”

That elicits a laugh from the Pilot. "Exactly. Politicians, man. Bunch of jerks in fancy robes.”

Lynette snickers in return, shaking her head. She’s not too fond of politicians either. After stretching her arms, she leans back into the co-pilot seat more comfortably, hr eyes fixated on the stars outside the window. The tension in her shoulders begins to ease, but the sound of approaching footsteps in the corridor snaps her out of it.

“Commander Shepard, I need to talk to you.” Nihlus comes to stand right at the entrance of the cockpit.

Shepard glances at him quickly, before replying. “I'm busy.”

But Nihlus is not having her defiance right now. “That is not a request.”

Joker looks at the both of them. Sensing trouble, he quickly decides to remove himself from this situation. Carefully he stands up from his beloved seat. “Know what, I was just about to grab some coffee in the mess. My cockpit is all yours.”

Lynette glares at him for abandoning her but Joker just gives her a knowing, apologetic smile before disappearing down the corridor.

Once Joker is out of earshot, Lynette stands up as well. “Alright, what do you want?”

Nihlus stands tall, his hands clasped behind his back, the picture of turian discipline but the subtle flare of his mandibles betrays him. “Shepard, believe it or not, this situation is just as unpleasant for me as it is for you.”

“Oh, ‘s that so?” Her voice is full of sarcasm as she's leaning against her seat.

Nihlus marbles flare again. His eyes leave her for a second, before he calmly states, “This is temporary. Just until the mission is complete. Once it’s done, I’ll file my report, inform the Council and take my leave.

Deciding to reduce the hostility, Shepard reflexes her arms again. “Well, sounds good.”

After a long and silent moment, the turian straightens up. “Shepard, despite what happened between us, I need you to stay focused once we’re planetside.”

Lynette can’t help but to narrow her eyes at him. “What?”

“Your ill manners towards me on board the ship are one thing but we can’t have your feelings interfere with the mission.” Nihlus’ voices lacks any emotion,“ We have to-”

“Stop.” Shepard cuts him off, visibly getting angry. “Are you really doubting me and my capability to keep my emotions in check?”

“I am just giving you well ment advice, Commander.” Nihlus states dryly. “This mission and the opportunity for you is way too important to be risk by emotional breakdowns.”

That’s it. Now it’s getting insulting. “Don't you fucking dare to tell me how I should feel and act.” Shepard hisses through gritted teeth. “You're not in the position!”

Nihlus’s voice drops, cold and clipped. “You think this is easy for me? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be caught between your feelings and your duty?”

She takes a step closer, her voice icy cold, “Don’t you dare play the victim, Kryik.”

Nihlus just shakes his head lightly, “Lynette, look-”

“Don't you Lynette me!” Shepherd's voice rises in volume, gaining attention from nearby standing officers.

“Spirits, woman.” Nihlus exhales, visibly frustrated. “I know I’ve hurt you,” he says, his tone gentler now, “I know I’ve hurt you, I know you’re still angry and by the stars, you have every right to. I am sorry-”

The speakers on the bridge light up. Captain Anderson orders the ship to prepare for entering the planet's orbit and for the ground team to gear up.

Following the command, Shepard pushes past the turian to get away. Her voice is dripping with venom, when she glares at him one final time, “For all I care, Nihlus, you can just drop fucking dead.”

Chapter Index: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2/ Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 - COMING SOON

#masseffect #mass effect #mass effect 3 #mass effect trilogy #n7 #commander shepard #Joker #Kaidan #kaidan alenko #nihlus kryik #saren arterius #nihlusxshepard #saren #nihlus #david anderson #nihlus x shepard #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3

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turnipoddity · 3 months ago

Note

never asked this one, but green day album you swear by and the one you listen to the least, GO! also what’s your favorite side project? (the network, foxboro hot tubs, the longshot, pinhead gunpowder etc.)

OH HELLOO!! ugh call me a basic ass bitch but american idiot, dookie and 21st century breakdown has a special place in my heart bc i grew up listening to them the most (but recently i listen to nimrod and warning a lot more HAHA) and uhhh i think i haven’t listened to father of all a lot lately

I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THEIR SIDE PROJECTS so i haven’t listened to a lot of em, BUT i fucking LOOOVE pinhead gunpowder sigh

#asks #when my wrapped’s top 5 is greenday and all their side project bands what then.#i’m crying if that’s true i’m burying myself out of embarrassment #KSNDKDKFKFKGKGK #lost in the sauce. literally

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jackdanielsripper · 5 months ago

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ART SUMMARY 2024

I figured why not, because I want to show off how I've improved. It should be prefaced that this first batch from January aside from the first image was mostly me tracing for practice as I was extremely novice at the craft and needed to learn how to properly use the tools for digital art. Take those pieces' quality with a grain of salt. Also keep in mind I am mostly a horror artist and my artstyles aren't "pretty" or clean by normal standards. January looks the worst so bear with me.

JANUARY

January was interesting, I rarely went outside of the one artstyle I was doing, rarely experimented, likely because I was still learning at the time. The one time I did was that not-so-great portrait of Jonathan Banks. In a year's hindsight I don't really know why I kept the border around his features, but I didn't know what I was doing back then so oh well.

MARCH

We skipped February because of personal reasons. If you've been following me since before then you might have figured out some stuff is missing. That's because of said personal reasons.

March sort of marks a bit of a mental decline for me and a bit of a decline in productivity along side it. A few months might be missing.

I'm isolating this one to talk about it. This is one of the first appearances of my OC "Deathwish". Edgy name aside, this post has sort of marked a cornerstone in creativity for me, this is possibly my favorite piece I've done and the one I'm most proud of.

That's really the only notable thing about march.

APRIL

Shit hit the fan for me hard in April. I didn't really do any digital drawing in April, pretty much all of the art I did was with pens on a sketchbook. Most of it is too personal to show, but there's some I can. Namely some art of my OC Mr. NastyBags and some celebrity caricatures.

MAY

I seriously lament the fact that I wasn't able to really continue working on Project Pinhead, I wanted to keep going but developing a game while having issues with committing to long term projects sucks bad, frankly. Here's some promotional art. I'll pick it back up eventually.

JULY

I don't think I did anything in June, so here's what I will show from July:

Welcome Atymede!!! An OC from a failed project called Tower of Revelations. I was really sleep deprived one morning because of insomnia and I got really weirdly inspired to make a fucked up medieval fantasy universe. As I'm writing this I realized that this dude later became another oc that I made last month by the nickname of Fundead, with the medieval fantasy being replaced by a more grounded wild west comic book feel.

AUGUST

July into August and onwards for a time I was dealing with some stress related hand cramping I mistook for carpal tunnel. So productivity slowed down a lot more. I made One (1) drawing in August. Mina from hit game Noita. I was pretty into that game for a bit, it was fun!

Something weird happened in September

I also got my wisdom teeth removed in November, nothing noteworthy in October.

DECEMBER

Here's the most recent stuff!!!! Plus a sneak peek at a new comic thing I'm working on with Fundead, it's a rough sketch and improvements should be made. Note that the stuff I made with Fundead already are largely not going to reflect his final design fully, The comic version will probably be more accurate to what I want him to look like.

Thank you, everyone, and have a wonderful 2025!!!!!!!!!!

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 8 months ago

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Don’t Go Blindly Into The Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Meanwhile there is a darkness growing in Ketterdam, and it seems a killer may be stalking the streets of West Stave. An unknown evil is closing its jaws over the city, and it’s starting to feel like nowhere is safe.

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus @i-need-help-this-is-my-obsession @devoted-people-hater

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: grief, abuse references, violence references, child abuse references, implied imprisonment, implied threats, fear of abuse

AO3 link

Chapter 62 - Wylan

There was a raised edge all along the length of Jesper’s mattress, where the fabric was sewn together and turned through. The ridge presumably ran around the mattress’ entire circumference - because otherwise where were the stitches? - but Wylan hadn’t explored any further than the section of it currently gripped so tightly in his hand that it was almost definitely pressing indents into his palms. The floorboards were a tumultuous ocean beneath his feet. He’d never been one for seasickness, but he thought he might be about to develop it. Why could nothing stay still and steady?

Wylan wasn’t sure exactly when it had been that his father caught on to his friendship with Anya, but he knew that it had been a long time before he sent her away. Wylan could only be sure that he’d known for definite after one catastrophic evening, when he was maybe thirteen, but he might have known for longer. The only thing he could hold onto was that his father had never known about him telling Anya the truth about his sight - Ghezen only knew what he would’ve done to her if he had. There had been a knot tied in the pit of Wylan’s stomach for years over that thought; the stupid running of his mouth that might have led to Anya washing up dead in a harbour even younger than she had done.

Oh Ghezen, he really was going to throw up.

That evening, when they knew for certain that Jan Van Eck was dangerously aware of their friendship, he’d come home earlier than anyone was expecting. Wylan had been in the Grisha workshop and passed however many blissful minutes, he couldn’t be sure of the exact number, completely unaware that his father was marching through the house searching for his son. If he’d moved faster, been found in any other room of the house, and alone at that, he could’ve kept Anya out of the way.

Their entire relationship, it would seem, was built on Wylan never being quick enough to save her.

It had been well over an hour afterwards, in fact probably more like three, that Wylan’s bedroom door creaked nervously open; trapped somewhere between haste and hesitation. Wylan had been crouched between the end of his bed and the wall with his knees pressed up against his chest, trying to make himself as small as he could possibly be. He wanted to shrink to the size of a pinhead and crawl beneath the bed or the floorboards, to hide so thoroughly that it seemed to the entire world he had simply vanished. No questions asked, no suspicions raised. Just there one moment, gone the next. When he heard the door, though, he stumbled hurriedly to his feet, straightening the shirt cuffs that he’d been crumpling inside his fists as though two seconds of shaking them out would heal them of creases and folds. It was probably - almost definitely - just a servant bringing him something to eat, but Wylan’s heart rate wasn’t doing a very good job of listening to the logic his brain was trying to offer him. And at any rate, he didn’t want them to see him cry.

He reached vaguely for his cane, discarded somewhere on his bed, without relenting to turn his head and see where he’d dropped it and instead keeping his eyes slightly unfocused on the edge of the doorframe. Whatever he might have been thinking, he honestly couldn’t have said, he knew that he hadn’t been expecting to see Anya peering nervously round the door.

“Anya- what-?”

She pressed a finger to her lips and made an almost violent shushing sound as she pushed the door closed behind her. For a moment she stood with her back pressed against it, eyes closed. Wylan watched her chest rise and fall, her breaths deep and full. His fingers wrapped back around his shirt cuffs and began to crush them against his palm again.

“What did he do to you?”

Anya glanced at him for a moment before she stood up properly from where she’d been leaning and walked a few short steps into the room.

“I’m fine,” she promised, which was resolutely not an answer.

“Anya-”

“Look at me,” she tried to smile at him, but her eyes were sad and maybe even a little distant, “I’m fine,”

Wylan shook his head. She could have erased any sign of injury in moments - and he would have told her to.

“Why are you here?”

Anya looked confused - and almost hurt. What the hell was she thinking? This couldn’t end well for anyone, least of all her.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,”

Wylan stared at her.

“Anya, what did he do?”

“I told you, it’s fine,” she lied again, “But you - here-”

She stepped forwards, raising her hand slightly, and Wylan barely registered what she was saying as he stumbled a pace away from her.

“Here, let me-” she broke off for a moment, freezing in place.

Her eyes settled on Wylan, stark and patient; fixated. He adjusted his shoulders, matching her gaze even as he pulled his fingers close against his palm and tucked his thumb inside the safe hollow of his fist.

“You should go,” he whispered.

“Please let me Heal you,”

He shook his head again.

“You can’t. You know you can’t; he’ll know that you were here,”

“Wylan-”

She stepped forwards again and Wylan paced backwards until he bumped into his mattress.

“Wylan, please, at least let me-”

“Get out,”

Anya faltered. She stood in the centre of the room like a player on the stage - not that Wylan remembered ever going to the theatre, though he knew he’d been when he was very little. Her kefta, which had never fit her exactly right, was uneven on her shoulders and he could see the grey wool of her tunic peeking from beneath it. She always wore a slim gold necklace; usually it was kept tucked close out of sight and against her skin but now it was caught on her collar and the tiny pendant was half visible where the chain had been pulled higher. Wylan had only seen the pendant once or twice before, when Anya had been playing with it in nervous habit - usually she hid it away again as soon as she noticed she was doing it, but occasionally she would drop it distractedly outside of her kefta. It was a small gold circle, thin as paper, barely big enough to hold the Ravkan character cautiously engraved into its surface. Wylan had never built up the nerve to ask her what it said; now he’d never know.

“I’m sorry,” she’d breathed, stepping back slowly, hands half-raised in surrender, “I didn’t-”

“Get out,” he’d repeated, unable to meet her eye.

A horrible moment hung in the air, stretching for the endless eternity that exists in between each second. Wylan didn’t look up when he heard Anya move, or when he saw her vanish from the corner of her eye. He waited until the door was closed once more, and sank onto the edge of his bed. He remembered letting his cane clatter to the floorboards beneath him, and pressing his palms into the thick seam of his mattress.

Wylan blinked, trying to bring himself back to the real world. Jesper at his side, the floor solid beneath his shoeless feet. Anya gone.

“Wylan?”

He could still feel the shadow of Jesper’s palm gently pressed against his cheek, his thumb light over a rope of scar tissue, though they had both since pulled away. I want to be something to you. Wylan breathed.

He couldn’t really explain why he had tried to kiss Jesper. He knew it had been the wrong thing to do, but… I want to be something to you. Well, he didn’t think that he regretted it.

Not that that was doing anything for the clenching pain in his stomach, or the bile in his throat, or any of the thousand screams inside his mind. He gripped the side of the mattress even tighter, even though his knuckles had probably already turned white. Jesper shuffled a little closer, and after a moment Wylan felt his hand hesitantly closing over the top of his own. He let it happen, releasing his shoulders downwards and easing his grip as Jesper’s fingers wove in between his.

“I know what you’re doing,” he whispered.

He could almost imagine Jesper’s smile.

“Is it working?”

Wylan released both of his hands from the mattress, and turned over his right to return Jesper’s hold properly.

“Maybe,”

Jesper released a small breath in a way that was almost a laugh.

“Do you want to keep talking?”

“Not really,” Wylan murmured, his eyes still fixed on his own socks.

He had kicked his shoes off when he pulled his feet onto the bed, and now they were out of his field of vision. One tiny slip up, one unwitting glance across the floor to find them, and he stood to ruin everything he had so tenuously managed to construct between himself and Jesper. It felt like he’d built a city on a rope bridge over a canyon, and kept promising Jesper that they were on solid ground. I want to be something to you. Oh fuck fuck fuck. Now what was he going to do?

“Do you want me to walk you home?” asked Jesper, gently, his hand still holding Wylan’s safe and steady.

“I…” Wylan paused, “Yes, please. That would…”

He wasn’t really sure where else that sentence had been intending on carrying him, but he broke it off into a nod and Jesper gently squeezed his fingers before dropping his hand and bouncing up onto his feet. Wylan dared to lift his gaze up towards the source of the sound as Jesper picked up his shoes and gently eased them into his hands, telling Wylan what he was doing as he did it and being kind enough to make it feel casual. Once they were both ready - Wylan back in his shoes and Jesper with his discarded jacket back over his shoulders - they walked out of the Slat and back towards Wylan’s boarding house in mostly silence. Wylan’s mind swam with too many thoughts to keep track of, but always it brought him back to Anya - in the Grisha workshop, smiling her slow smile; in the centre of his room with her necklace caught on her collar, brown eyes sad and distant; an image constructed in his head of a body lying in the shallows, soaking hair plastered to her cheeks, eyes blank and unseeing. What had happened in that house? Maybe it really was as simple as a plague outbreak, Anya taking the first opportunity she found to make a run for it and getting caught in the unforgiving violence of the True Sea. But for some reason Wylan felt like there was something else, and whatever it was he did not trust it.

Jesper walked upstairs with him and hovered beyond the door whilst Wylan unlocked it; maybe not sure if he should stay or go? Wylan didn’t really want to direct him either way, so he just opened the door and waited a beat to see what Jesper would do. For a moment nothing happened, but then Jesper stepped inside and Wylan followed.

“Oh, that’s weird,” said Jesper.

Wylan was standing with one hand against the wall for balance as he undid his shoes, paying less attention than he should have been to the room he’d just stepped into. In the corner of his eye, he could see the shape of Jesper leaning briefly down to collect something from just next to the doormat.

“What?” Wylan asked, still not quite paying attention.

“You’ve got a letter,”

Jesper’s voice was casual. Wylan’s blood ran cold.

He spun on his heel, one shoe still on, to see almost everything that could have gone wrong in this exact moment standing three feet away from him. Jesper was holding a creamy white envelope, studying the address side where it must bear Wylan’s name. He was already frowning - it must say Van Eck, Wylan supposed, when everyone in the Barrel called him Hendriks. But it was about to get so much worse. Because Jesper hadn’t turned it over yet. He hadn’t yet seen what Wylan could see. He hadn’t yet seen the red wax seal with a laurel imprint.

“Who would be writing to you?” Jesper asked, more rhetorically than anything else, and then: “Want me to open it?”

“Jesper put that down,”

Jesper looked up at him in surprise, brow half furrowed. For a brief, blissful moment, Wylan thought that maybe he’d comply and never mention it again. Luck never went Wylan’s way. Jesper turned the envelope over.

There were several letters from Jan Van Eck hidden beneath Wylan’s mattress. They’d been coming consistently ever since the first, that had prompted him to Brekker’s stupid schemes. Oh Ghezen, what had he done?

“Wylan…”

“Jesper, please-”

“Wylan, this is from your father,”

“No, it’s nothing, Jesper, I swear-”

Wylan tried to reach and grab the letter from Jesper’s hand, but Jesper pulled backwards and turned it over again; scanning the words as though they might have changed since he last read them

“Wylan, he knows where you are - Saints - we have to move you, I don’t… you can stay at the Slat, and I’ll-”

“No, Jesper, please-”

Wylan grabbed at the envelope again and this time Jesper glanced at him in surprise, but still held it out of his reach.

“Wylan you can’t stay here, if he-”

“Give it to me,”

“I- here,” Jesper handed the letter over, “But Wylan, how - I mean what does he even-?”

“You should leave,”

Jesper blinked.

“What?”

“Get out,” Wylan snapped, the letter creasing between his fingers as he tensed.

Jesper’s expression was stung.

“Wylan - I didn’t mean-” there was a strange pause and Wylan felt distinctly watched, as though Jesper’s eyes on him had changed from anything usual into a close study, “Just let me take you back to the Slat,” he said, a little hesitantly. Even suspiciously? The rope bridge creaked beneath Wylan’s feet, “You can stay there until we find you somewhere else to go, Kaz can get you somewhere under a fake name, or-”

“I told you to get out,”

“Wylan-”

“Now,”

Wylan could feel his breathing tensing and getting out of control again. He tightened his fist until his nails were digging almost painfully into his palm, and tried to suppress his shivering as he watched Jesper confusedly retreat through the door. He didn’t close it. In fact, he turned back over his shoulder like he might be about to say something else. Wylan slammed the door so it rattled against its hinges, then pressed forehead against the wood and slid slowly towards the ground. The letter crumpled into a ball inside his fist.

#don't go blindly into the dark #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #wesper #wylan hendriks #wesper fanfiction #wesper fic #soc fandom #soc fic #soc fanfiction #six of crows fandom #six of crows fanfic #six of crows fic #grishaverse fandom #grishaverse fanfic

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tenebrare · 4 months ago

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Hellraiser - The captain and his shadow. Human version of

If you have followed my fan project, you might recall my rants on ways how I learned to use exact same line art to swap between Captain and Priest, so I had to see how would the fashionable Pinhead look as human too. Tehehe.

#hellraiser #pinhead #fanart #elliot spencer #sketch #horror #horror films #horror movies #horror art #hr sketch #elliotspencer #dailysketch

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argocitycosplay · 16 days ago

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The Hellraiser Project V2 The Shoulder Pads

Did you know that all those shapes and patterns on the Lament Configuration actually have a reason and purpose? You don’t see it when it’s in the cube form so much, but once the puzzle is solved, take a look in all that scoring. Amid all the swirling gliphs, you’ll actually be able to make up the figure of the Engineer. That’s what I wanted on my shoulder pads. There’s a loop of elastic (okay,…

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#cosplay #costumes #Hellraiser #Horror #Pinhead #The Hellraiser Project #Violent Blue #Webcomic

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aemiron-main · 10 months ago

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Captain Spencer vs Captain Brenner: What Are You, Brenner Sr?

So, I was looking into Pinhead's backstory awhile back, and came across this:

Captain Elliot Spencer? That immediately made me think of Captain Brenner/Brenner Sr, which is especially interesting considering all of the Vecna-Brenner parallels vs Pinhead/Captain Elliot Spencer being confirmed inspiration for Vecna.

And speaking of Vecna, this is where I need you to please just bear with me, because SO much of this will make SO much sense once I finish that ST vs Predator post/the actual proper Evidence is in that post, but I was going through my drafts tonight & got the urge to finish this one Right Now, so that's what I'm doing instead of waiting until I finish that Predator post.

So, anyway, like I said, speaking of Vecna and Pinhead and Captain Brenner, it's interesting that Captain Spencer was described as being disillusioned with life and humanity as a result of WW1- it's interesting because Captain Brenner very much seems disillusioned as a result of the war in TFS- he talks about how he doesn't care what technology gets used because they'll "win the war/win all the wars," and talks about how he's immediately taking R & R and going to Bermuda after Project Rainbow- in Will's words, Brenner Sr just seems to just want it to be over when it comes to the war (yet another Will-Brenner Sr paralllel too). But yknow who else was disillusioned with life and humanity? Vecna and Massacre Henward were, which then brings me to that Predator draft that I mentioned, because in that draft, I talk about Massacre Henward's weird dialogue lines where he talks as if he himself isn't human, and I also talk about the idea that Brenner Sr was replaced by a Doppelganger/Demogorgon in Dimension X, and that Doppelganger returned to the RU, having shapeshifted into him, and then that same creature was also one of the Henwards we saw during the massacre (the Henward that rants about humanity/speaks as if he himself isn't human), and then that combination Brenner Sr-Henward creature got banished back to Dimension X and became Vecna, hence why we get that short of Henward where he looks like a weird combination of Brenner and Henward- because he is! And when we look back at at that article about Captain Spencer/Pinhead, we can see that Captain Spencer joined the Cenobites/transformed as a result of his disillusionment with humanity- which then has me staring at Brenner Sr's disillusionment with the war/with humanity right before he enters Dimension X, and the fact that said disillusionment is why he was part of Project Rainbow/supporting the technology used for it- becauase he believed it could end the war. So, Brenner Sr's entry into Dimension X and therefore him being replaced by a Doppelganger/becoming a creature, much like Pinhead becoming a Cenobite, was a result of his disillusionment, just like Pinhead's disillusionment leading him to join the Cenobites.

Also, Pinhead speicifcally became a Hell Priest, which is interesting considering that Weekly Watcher article that talks about the unnamed priest at the Creel house, and what I said in this post forever ago re: Brenner and priests, as well as the whole "Mr Newby vs Father Newby" thing & the parallels between Mr Newby and Brenner Sr in TFS (right down to both of them having beards LMAO).

(I also wonder if "One" is a title similar to Hell Priest, where it's passed along through various iterations or if "Doctor Brenner" or "Captain Brenner" are something like that, which then ties into Stav and Wilbur's Dr Who-Brenner stuff, but anyway) And I'm also staring at this excerpt from Captain Spencer/Pinhead's wiki-

-versus TFS Henry's code name being "George," during auditions (and the dark-haired 7 year old TFS Henry who looks quite a lot like Goergie from IT & Georgie's arm being bitten off vs TFS Henry's hand scar), and the whole "what's in the box, Henry?" scene in TFS vs the puzzle box & George being pulled to hell by Pinhead versus TFS Henry seemingly ending up in Dimension X when he got lost in the cave in Nevada vs Brenner Sr ending up in Dimension X/the idea that Brenner Sr returned as a Doppelganger/Demogorgon creature who had killed and absorbed Brenner Sr vs the idea of that creature opening a temporary gate and pulling TFS Henry into Dimension X (which would then parallel Will's vanishing re: the idea that a little temporary gate had been opened in the shed when Will vanished). (And then that also has me staring at Walter asking if TFS Henry's hand scar was from a bullet versus the member of the Eldridge who starts shooting into the water at the Doppelganger/Demogorgon- quick, TFS Henry, were YOU that creature & you were pulled there and shot?? Like was TFS Henry already a creature & got pulled there by another crature??? Or was TFS Henry also absorbed by the Brenner Sr Creature/became a Doppelgorgon but that Doppelgorgon got shot/got the hand scar & then the scar carries over even when it's shapeshifted into Henry (sort of like Leelo's hand mark in The Fifith Element being the only thing that remains from the original Leeloo)/I would DIE if we end up seeing one of the Brenners with the same sort of hand scar in S5/staring at Vecna's weird large hand, but that's more of just a little sidenote.) Anyway! Lots to think about!

#stranger things #the first shadow #captain brenner #henry creel #st vs hellraiser

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