#Randy Random has it out for me today

[pushing500]

Jesse has recovered and decided to stay! Hooray, I'm glad we rescued him from that space battle. He's very cool despite the hot-pink halo he has going on.

Oh, and Hot Minute has recovered and decided to stay!

Oh, uh... Kelorul has... Recovered and decided to stay, too...

Grump, please, we don't have much room...

Gracie, I love the name, but please reconsider!!

Armstrong is the only person polite enough to excuse herself from the premises after she's all better. We may be a charitable colony, but there are only so many people I can provide for!

First | Next | Previous

[billyloomiswhore4]

Crazy for you | Chapter Four

Chapter four is here!!! send me requests for short drabbles and ill give you my take on it. i love when you guys ask me questions about my fics or send requests!!! anyways here it is.

Warnings: billy has a weird obsession with the way you smell, poor randy never gets the girl, smut next chapter!

-

He didn’t think he’d have to see you until third period, but when he steps into the hall after first period he sees you. You’re leaning against his locker, waiting for him.

He can’t stop thinking about the way you smelled. It was like vanilla body wash and honey, but with that underlying smell of girl. The one he smells on Sidney, but yours is different. It’s sweeter, more intoxicating.  He can’t get enough of it, god how he wants to just walk up to you and pull you into a hug, just so he can smell you again. It makes his head spin.

But he doesn’t instead he walks to his locker, attempting to ignore you. But you don’t move, and you don’t say anything, so he just ends up standing there next to his locker waiting for you.

“Hey?” he sounds confused, that's the games he’s decided to play, pretend like he was completely wasted.

“Hey.” Your voice sounds nervous, but still has anger laced in it. 

“You’re uh, standing in front of my locker.” He lets out a chuckle, and pretends not to know why you’re angry. 

“Yeah, I know.” You deadpan, eyes piercing daggers on his own. He stands there awkwardly for a moment, with his hands in his pockets. You suddenly say, “What are you playing at Billy?”

He stares at you for a moment, “What?”

“The other night? What was that?”  You’re outright angry now. He decides to put on a show for you. He sighs, and runs his hands through his hair. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t exactly remember what happened. I was kind of hammered.” He pushes out an awkward chuckle. 

“Oh,” Your face drops of all anger, and you seem embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I thought you- nevermind.” You push yourself off his locker and walk away. And he stares after you, a slight smirk on his lips. He praises himself in his mind for the act, and begins getting him stuff from his locker. 

–

The next time he sees you is actually third period. Usually you sit right next to him so you can pick his brain about whatever topic is the day's discussion. But today you sit on the other side of the classroom, next to Randy. It makes his heart ache, he loves your little talks. You always seem so interested in  what he has to say. Sidney never listens, she just talks to him and expects him to hang on to every word, he hates it and he hates her. 

He also hates Randy, especially when he’s looking at you like that. You seem deep in conversation with him, and when you laugh Billy clenches his fist. 

How could you be so oblivious, he understands why you can’t tell he likes you, he hides it. But Randy? He’s basically making heart eyes at you, and you have no idea. Sometimes he wishes he could just take what he wants, he’s impatient. But then he remembers the plan, and with the newfound information he received from your diary he knows it’s fool proof. 

He just needs to control himself, until tonight. They made a few changes to the plan last night, and it seems perfect. He just has to wait. 

You never realized Randy was so funny, but if you're being perfectly honest it seems like he saved up all his jokes and decided to just spew them at you all in one class. 

He says something stupid about the movie Halloween and you giggle, attempting to cover it up with your palm. He smiles, and flushes red when you put your hand on his arm to push him softly. 

Your smile fades quickly, “You okay there? You're really red.”

“Yeah- yeah I'm good, just a little hot.” He sputters, and his voice cracks at the end. He laughs it off and you smile at him and continue your conversation.  

—

The school day passes quicker than normal, lunch was a bore and before you know it you’re sitting in your bed, watching some random horror movie. You had just finished writing in your diary, which was conveniently placed on your bed when you came home from school. At around eight pm you hear the phone start ringing downstairs. 

You get up, slip on your fluffy slippers and make your way down the stairs. The phone is on its last ring by the time you answer it. 

“Hey Sid.” You recognize the number. Billy stands in the woods right behind your house, waiting for the perfect moment. He and Stu fought for hours for who to be the one to do it, eventually Stu caved.

Sid said something over the phone, but Billy knew he’d be seeing her tonight too. 

“No, I think I'm just gonna stay home tonight, but have fun with Tate.” You smile into the phone, and for a second Billy thinks he might faint.

You hang up, and set the phone down, turning and walking back to the stairs. The phone rings again, this time you huff, turning back to the phone. You answer, and say, “I told you, Sid. I don’t wanna hang out tonight.” 

“Oooo, trouble in paradise?” the modulated voice teases. 

A smile breaks out on your face. “Well hello, mr ghostface.” You tease back.

“Hey, princess.” He grins behind the mask.He said it less sultry than before, not wanting to scare you off again. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, playing with your hair. 

“Watching you..i’ve decided i’m gonna play with you tonight.” 

“Oh yeah?” Your voice comes out light and breathless.

“Hide and seek. Go unlock the back door, and then go hide somewhere.” You unlock the door and hold the phone to your ear. 

“How do I know you won’t cheat?”

“Oh princess, Y’know I don’t play fair.”

You laugh at that, hanging up and making your way upstairs. You wiggle underneath your bed. 

You hear him making his way up the stairs, heavy footsteps booming through the house. He passes your bedroom door, and then stops. You slap a hand over your mouth to quiet your breathing. 

The footsteps track back to your door, and your bedroom door opens, light flooding in from the hall. Billy ‘tsk’s to himself, wondering how stupid you could be to hide in your own bedroom.  But maybe you want him to find you? 

The footsteps trail into your room, but then slowly make their way out of the room. You let out a sigh of relief. 

Suddenly something is wrapping around your ankles and yanking you out from underneath the bed. You find yourself turning onto your back in the struggle, and your giggles are immediately silenced. He’s holding a giant knife, and he immediately presses it to your throat.

“Found you.”

taglist: @tzkyo @buzzybee-26 @brazilianneighbour @sammanna @wickedsandwich08 @bdhwiqbwo @roygbivvie @dixxhotgirl2 @iiheartbowie @ashreblogsnow @snailwithaheart @ihbofjastmne @alexa-33 @adaydreamaway08 @zeysartzone @your-daily-envy

[geekgirl750]

Random details I noticed in Scream after watching it for the umpteenth time.

First:

Stu has a dog?!

In the final confrontation scene in the kitchen before Stu brings out Sidney's dad I noticed that there was a note written on the white board behind him

Here it is in more detail, although the quality isn't the best as I had to screenshot the scene from YouTube:

When I paused to read it in the actual film I was able to make out most of the note except for the small writing in the upper right (Which I think is either a phone number or date) but I'm pretty sure the note reads:

"Hi Stu, Sorry we missed you today. We'll be back Sunday. Be good! Love mom & dad. P.S. feed the dog."

The last line I wasn't sure about because it was blurry but I matched the note from this shot to the shot where Stu is sitting at the desk on the telephone and sure enough the last line is "P.S. Feed the dog"

So basically, Stu canonically has a dog which I think is super funny because it makes me wonder where the dog was during the party and what type of dog it is.

It also makes more sense for the dog door in the garage that Tatum tries to crawl through to be put there for the Macher's family dog rather than the cat.

Side tangent head cannons:

The orange cat we see run out before Tatum is killed in the garage belongs to Stu's sister Leslie and has a basic name like Marmalade or Garfield

Stu is 100% a dog person and hates his sister's cat because its tried to scratch him on a number of occasions and now he's lowkey afraid of it

That's why when he's left home alone he doesn't really watch the cat and lets it do as it pleases. (His sister is adamant that the cat is indoor only but Stu is kinda careless lets the cat roam free outside through the dog door)

The Macher's family dog is either a basic crusty ass white dog that belongs to his mom and has a ridiculously fancy name like Princess or Dutchess

Or the dog is something small and hyperactive like a Jack Russell that Stu used to play fetch with and run around with in the backyard as a kid

Like I said before I feel like the Machers aren't super creative with naming their pets. If the dog is a boy his name is probably Max or something like that.

Okay second thing:

I never noticed this but you can see Randy dancing with/ flirting with a girl at the party when Sid and Tatum first walk in

And then later that girl is being led away by a different guy so I guess Randy struck out twice that night lol

(Also peep Stu and Tatum flirting/ kissing in the lower left)

Thirdly:

In the garage scene after Ghostface first cuts Tatum's arm she stumbles backwards and bangs into a bike

This is more of a head canon than anything but I noticed that the bike is more feminine in coloring (shades of red and purple) so it makes me wonder if it belongs to Stu's mom or maybe his sister.

Lastly,

The layout of Stu's house makes no sense!

So I'm going to make another longer post about this because I spent like an hour last night comparing shots from Scream 1996 to shots from Scream 5 to get an understanding of the Macher house because it's almost labyrinthian in it's layout, especially the upstairs, but I'm pretty sure there's no way that house has 3 bedrooms if Stu's sister is supposed to be canon.

Anyways, here are a couple details I noticed that I thought were interesting:

I think the house has an intercom system! You can seen what looks like speaker/receiver on the wall behind the lamp in Stu's room as Sidney runs by it.

Lastly,

The Macher house has a back stairwell!!!

So I've watched this movie a bunch of times and I always thought that there was a door in the kitchen that led directly to the garage but that's NOT TRUE!

When Tatum goes to get the beer for Stu you can see that the kitchen is connected to the dining room and off the dining room is a door that leads into a laundry room/ mud room.

To Tatum's right you can see what looks like an ironing board and then a set of railings/steps which I'm assuming is a back set of stairs that leads to the upper floor.

You can see again in the reverse shot that the door that gets locked behind Tatum isn't actually the kitchen door but the door to the laundry room in between the garage and the kitchen .

Seeing this changed my whole perception of Tatum's death scene because I was always like how did no one see Ghostface sneaking around the party, whether it was Billy or Stu, and not realize when he goes back inside after killing Tatum rather than leaving through the garage. Now I think it's because whoever was Ghostface never actually cut through the party at all.

HE WENT UP THE BACK STAIRS!

And the layout of the laundry room would have hidden him from view of the kitchen as he would have behind the wall and out of sight.

I want to go more into detail about the logistics about how I think Billy and Stu got around the house as Ghostface as well as the entire layout of the house in a second post because I think the set design is so interesting but for now these are just some cool things I noticed that I wanted to share.

[mamirhodessxox]

Hey There Delilah Incorrect Quotes.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Jey: If we’re in trouble, just throw Cody at the problem, and hope for the best.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Seth: *slams books down in front of Cody*

Seth: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Cody: You could of said literally anything else.

Seth: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Cody: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Seth: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.

Seth: One... two... three.

Cody: ...

Seth: ...

Seth: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Cody: Okay, looking good. Okay, ciders mulling, turkey’s turking, yams are yamming … What?

Mira: I don’t know. It’s just not the same without Randy in the kitchen.

Cody: All right, that’s it. Just get out of my way and stop annoying me.

Mira: That’s closer.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Seth, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Randy: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Seth: But I’m having fun!

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*

Seth: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Mira: No, Seth. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

Seth: No, that’s not part of it—

Mira: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Jey: I would want to live with no legs.

Mira: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Jey. You don’t do anything.

Seth: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.

Mira: *pumps frantically*

Seth: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Mira: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Cody: How’s that gonna help you?

Mira: I will divide and then count to it.

Cody: Right.

Seth: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Mira: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Cody: Does everyone know their job for today?

Delilah: Water the flowers.

Seth: Vacuum the carpet.

Mira: Wash the dishes.

Randy: Pretend to be a wolverine.

Cody: Close enough.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Delilah, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?

Cody: …

Cody: What’s in the box?

Delilah: What woul-

Cody: Delilah, what’s in the box?

Delilah: I think you know.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Mira: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Seth: What do you want for breakfast, Randy?

Randy: Gay Cheerios.

Seth: I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING FRUIT LOOPS THAT!!

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Rhea: ARE YOU-

Jey: Fucking.

Rhea: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Jey: Fucking.

Rhea: IDIOT!

Cody: …What was that?

Jey: Delilah banned Rhea from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Randy: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Cody: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Cody: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Delilah: Okay.

Cody: And make out during the scary parts.

Delilah: Th-

Delilah: The scary parts.

Delilah: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Delilah: I know what a prism is! It's where you put bad people.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Randy: You guys worried about Mira?

Becky: Totally!

Cody: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Randy: And what'd you say?

Cody: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Becky:

Randy: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Randy: Deep down, I'm sure I was always pretty okay with you.

Mira: Thanks, Randy!

Randy: It wasn't a compliment, numbnuts.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

Delilah: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.

Mira: …I was hungry.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

🏷️ list: @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @valkyrurr @alyyaanna @niknakbucks92 @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41

[ieatnomnom9823]

stupid headcanons no one asked for and make 0 sense

me and my friend enjoy in making the most shit headcanons to exist so i'm gonna share some of them bc why the fuck not?

princess kenny is an amazon box

kyle only knows how to play football because of how much he kicks Ike

cartman vibes to this video: https://youtu.be/PDJLvF1dUek?list=RDgBpdSlgR5qM (thats not mine btw)

butters has a MLP figure he literally sleeps with and treats it like his own child

everyone is sort of worried about butters obsession to that toy

the plural of kenny is in fact not kennies, but kennys

kyle not only kicks babies, but he also throws them

butters genuineley thinks the rickroll is a banger

kenny and cartman have the weirdest fucking pinterest feed *cough* maid catboys, shitty t-shirts, those random-ass pictures with text over them, like memes kinda but not with a very specific color text and font, the most random stickers and flags like bibble idk they really like bibble though also this totallyyyy isn't inspired by my feed *cough*

stan dedicates his LIFE to minecraft parkour. i'm talking watching those low guality parkour things with screenshits from the interent and he is a GOD at hypixel housing parkour (i came up with this because i have hypixel parkour open rn)

kenny is #1 lemon demon fan. i will NEVER change my mind about this.

craig literally sleeps with a fucking metal pipe.

instead of warming glasses of milk by pouring milk into a cup and microwaving the cup, he literally puts the whole fucking CARTON IN THE MICROWAVE AND THEN PUTS IT IN A CUP

instead of repenting your sins, cartman repeats his sins ( i just really needed to say that phrase today)

kyle is so weezer coded

stan's the type of mf to say "chat" instead of "guys"

anytime someone makes a dirty joke butters just akwardly smiles politely bc he doesn't get it but he's too embarrassed to ask what it meant

i found a picture this is exactly cartman and kenny's feed:

(that was my first screenshot since cleanig my files out other then the random bunny thing i drew in class cuz i was fucking boerd and had no idea what was going on)

stuart, randy, gerald, and steven (or whatever the fuck their name is) are literally besties but HERE ME OUT

randy and gerald are the silly besties like kyle and stan BUT stuart and steven (what the fuck is that man's name) are ALSO besties BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE IN TFBW IN THE STRIP CLUB THEIR WATCHING LADIES DANCE TOGETHER AND THEIR GETTING DRUNK TOGETHER THEIR LITERALLY BEsTIES OMG

craig has flying powers

butters thinks skibidi toilet is peak comedy and that is why everyone hates him (except for literally like 2 people)

why the fuck is his name dougie

FUCKING HOW IS CARTMAN EVEN CAPABLE OF HAVING CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS AND BUTTERS DESERVES BETTER

"life goes onyonyonyonyonyonyonyon" is literally cartman's theme song after trying to kill everyone with some shitty plan he got from watching Megamind or something

kyle literally has trauma from burgers he will NOT eat any burger if you paid him fucking 56,000,000 bucks

kyle is so an elephant he's literally an elephant that's his spirit animal

tweek is literally a turtle idk how i can't describe the vibe but he is ik he's SO not a turtle but he just... idk he is

kenny is a fucking rat i literally have art of me bullying him and calling him a rat

butters is either a bunny or a cat of a duck he's just silly like that

cartman isn't a duck he's a goddamn angry goose

stan is a bear or like a giraffe or something idk ik he's the main character but i don't think about him that much for me

butters is literally in choir guys

HOLY SHIT STAN'S AN ORANGE CAT

craig is the most beaustiful majestic dragon to ever exist

craig's literally my favorite character if you couldn't tell

kenny is too scared to eat cheetos so he eats takis instead

literally everyone loves megamind

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I’m here to tell you that my brother and Brian the cat are officially back home! I have to tell you some stuff tho! I was asked (nicely) to send you a message and i almost died when i got texts from my dad yesterday, so i knew i had to let you know. Anyway just a little thing for you to read because i thought you should see it as well.

I got a text from my dad that my brother befriended the old lady that sat next to him on the plane and they discussed Desperate Housewives because he is still watching it (he isnt at Gales season yet) and the lady really liked it back when it aired. He originally mentioned Gale and was about to tell her about qaf and my dad smacked him on the head and went ‘don’t even think about it. I’m not (my name)’ (he mentioned Gale and went ‘he was on this show Queer as OW’ according to my dad. You can take a guess when my dad smacked him) So he definitely has different ways of dealing with him than I do..I wouldve let it happen and then watch in amusement for 5 hours while he has an old lady trapped with him on a plane while he talks about two dudes in love.

ALSO! They had a surprise party planned for him. And i got a video sent to me of my brother’s girls (aka the queens) and his best friends that came to wait for him at the airport. They even made him a sign (the sign said ‘welcome back Mr Wannabe Kinney’) and he was so happy. And then they all surprised him at that bar they all go to! Turns out my mom, grandma, grandpa and the queens planned a surprise welcome home party. They decorated it all with signs that based on some photos had qaf topics written on them and balloons and when he sent me a photo this morning of all of them in a group, i swear it’s the cutest shit ever. I wish you could’ve seen it but just imagine a shit ton of people where 98% are queer, a few drag queens and then in the middle a dude with a Britin shirt on that looks like he doesn’t even belong there. It’s adorable how happy they all are to have him back and I can’t wait to find out how long that lasted until he unloaded all of his qaf/gale/randy/britin knowledge on them.

And secondly, I’m a little late with this but he did text me before he boarded the plane, asking me to relay a message to you: ‘yooo tell them that I just read that last chapter while we were waiting on our flight. What a fucking ending. I actually loved it, felt good, felt nice, felt like the right time. Wish that the real show ended in a similar way. For real (my name), you’re gonna love it when you read it.’

After that I texted him your replies to my message and he immediately texted me back ‘DRAG QUEEN STORY IS NEXT?! FUCK YEAH! I CANT FUCKING WAIT!’ And then in the middle of the night (so for him around 3 am) a very lovely text followed up: ‘can you nicely ask them to tell their Hannah Montana friend that I fucking love the new story. I have so many guesses and theories how it’s gonna go and I can’t wait to be wrong cause I know it’s gonna be better. And this shit is based on how the other person’s friends met?! I have so many questions, I feel like they’re right up my ally.’ After that he spammed my phone to ask me if I’ve read both of the fics yet (i have and they’re absolutely brilliant. You guys are talented as fuck)

Today he actually called me to talk to me about your epilogue and about your friends fic. This is really how we will bond from now on, isn’t it? I did send him your little teaser of the drag queen fic and he completely lost his shit. He’s so excited and if you were nervous about writing this fic, just so you know, you got a random straight dude in your corner because he is so excited for it, it’s kinda ridiculous (not really, its actually really sweet)

Btw, about the podcast Ron and Dan were on, I’ve also never listened to their podcasts even though I knew about it. But curiosity did get the best of me so I went and checked it out. It was a pretty decent interview. I don’t think it made me hate them more or less, kinda just the same. They didn’t say anything that I would clock as bad. I did see that they might do a part 2 where they’ll answer fan’s questions so i guess we’ll see then how i feel about them.

Dear sweet anon! Thank you so much for sending this update.

Queer as OW I'm dying! I would have let him trap that lady too. Maybe gotten another viewer of the show!

Welcome Back Mr. Wannabe Kinney! Oh I love that. I'm going to guess that since they're his friends, they're used to him info-dumping on them and they signed up for this. Otherwise, they wouldn't have encouraged it with their care packages. They know who he is.

I'm so glad he (and you!) enjoyed the final chapter of Fireflies. It was a short chapter given how long it took me to write it. I'm just terrible at ending fics.

This is my friend's story (as I texted it to the fic author):

"We were at a sex party and after fucking, I asked for his number and he actually gave me his real number instead of what he usually did which was give out the number of the last guy who had 'exchanged' numbers with him."

I'm excited that he's excited for the drag queen AU. It's going to be a long time coming though. I mapped it out yesterday and it's going to be about 20 chapters because I want a chapter devoted to each of the drag race all-stars challenges. And I'm going to include actual queens from the show. I want to have a good amount written before I start posting to make sure I'm up to the challenge. It's hard to capture everyone's voices and balance that many moving parts. My fics tend to focus on relationships and mental health, I don't write super plotty fics so this is new for me. I'm really excited for it though.

I'm going to check out the podcast! After I finish listening to my library book. WHILE WE WAIT FOR ANOTHER RANDY PODCAST EPISODE.

[thelonesgroup]

Buyer Brokerage Agreements

This week's Zebra Report is an important one. With all the laws changing around buyer-brokerage agreements, it is so important to know that soon, before a buyer can even go look at a house with you, that you will need to get them to sign a buyer-brokerage agreement. Even today, I recommend that when you begin providing your buyer with real estate services that you have a buyer services agreement in place.

Now, the challenge with that is that they may not know you very well. Maybe they are calling you because they saw your sign in their neighborhood and are thinking, "Hey, I'll just give this agent a call and maybe they can show me a home." That means that you need to be able to have these kinds of discussions. It also means that many buyers are going to go online, they are going to go to your website, and they are going to want to check you out.

Just this morning, as I was preparing for today's Zebra Report, I looked at twenty-six real estate agent websites. Just random ones that I found in search results for various areas. Some here in Washington, others in California, Florida, Arizona, Texas, and elsewhere. As I visited these websites, I was imagining that I was a potential buyer that was going to buy a house. So as I visited these websites, I looked for a buyer services page for more information.

And you know what? Not a single one of the agent websites I visited today - a big fat ZERO - actually explained anything about what the process really looks like when you go to buy a house.

Now here, in Washington State, it is even more important because of the law regarding buyer brokerage agreements that went into effect at the beginning of the year. Agents here need to be able to explain:

What is the law?

How does it benefit buyers?

Why should buyers want to be committed to an agent?

While you are working on how to answer these questions you need to consider the very first place that buyers are going to find you - at your website. Back in March 2021, NAR's Home Buyer and Seller Generational Trends stated that 97% of home buyers search online first. Today it's likely more and that means that your online presence matters. Your website matters. You need to update your website.

The biggest thing I'm seeing this year is that this incredible, essential piece of information is missing or just not detailed enough on too many agents' websites. Now, more than ever before, you need to get your website evaluated, address these issues, and get a website makeover!

Be objective. Look at your website. Don't do what I did and look at 26 of them, maybe look at five others. Then take the time to ask yourself, "Ok, if I was a buyer what kind of information would I need to find here." Or, "If I was going to meet with a buyer at their home, what kind of information do I need to have prepared to have a discussion about buyer-brokerage agreements." If you are going to discuss it in person, you need to be able to discuss it online, you need to be able to discuss it on social media. Maybe that means posting a short video that explains this to your potential buyers.

If you need help with websites, reach out to us, I'll include a link below. Our Director of Technology, Randy, is our resident expert on real estate websites, online marketing, and anything tech-related - and he understands how the real estate business works and is easy to talk to. He can do an in-depth analysis of your website and propose options to you to get it on track. Be at the front of that line to get the help you need.

Don't wait until a buyer calls you one day and you discover that you aren't ready to have those discussions and you're not ready for them to look at your website.

Book a Demo

By Denise Lones CSP, CMP, M.I.R.M. The founding partner of The Lones Group, Denise Lones has over three decades of experience in the real estate industry. With agent/broker coaching, expertise in branding, lead generation, strategic marketing, business analysis, new home project planning, product development and more, Denise is nationally recognized as the source for all things real estate. With a passion for improvement, Denise has helped thousands of real estate agents, brokers, and managers build their business to unprecedented levels of success, while helping them maintain balance and quality of life.

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 2)

i am sick and in need of a giggle so this is WHAT I WANT

EPISODE 6:

OH GOD IT BURNS, IT BURNS

SCREAM FOR ME BITCH

LMAOOOO ICONIC

wait what

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

no cartman NO STOP UR EIGHT

this is so awks i can’t ew

BUTTER’S, CRAIG’S AND TOLKIEN’S FAMILY TOGETHER AW

and one other finaly idk yet ig oops

WAIT TWEEK’S PARENTS THAT’S IT

STANLEY NO

MY SON KNOWS BETTER STOP IT RN JKFDSKJBGJSD

stan i s2g

NO STOP IT STANLEY MARSH U ARE BEING BAD RN

sharon and randy being parents as they should

oh god sex ed

this is very traumatizing

I LEARNED ABT THIS IN AN ALL GIRLS SCHOOL OKAY IT’S SO AWK

STAN RLY CALLED MR. MACKEY OUT DBGKSBDGKBDSKBS

girls slayed

AYO LADY RELAX

girls are traumatized

stan: “HEY WENDY WHAT DID U GUYS LEARN IN SEX—“

*cue girls screaming and running away*

I’LL TAKE MY STENDY CRUMBS okay

WENDY YELLING “STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAN” HURTS

mini stendy conflict

god miscommunication does wonders huh

boys on the move 2 get protection

not the mackey/choksondik tension

NO NOT Y’ALL MAKING BUTTERS PUT IT ON

CARTMAN SDJBGSBDBGK

tweek coming in CLUTCH

*it does nothing*

i just can’t imagine 8 year olds learning this shit

like wtf

NOT STAN MAKING EVERYONE WEAR ONE

kindergarteners ??????@#?@?@?

LET THEM FINGERPAINT

garrison ?!@?@?@!@ WHAT THE FUCK

not the girls watching a video of childbirth… i’d be scarred too

the random video of a calf birth at the end??

STOP THIS MACKEY NONSENSE

CARTMAN BYUVUYUY

KYLE STOP IT’S NOT THAT DEEP

oh fuck here comes the boys vs girls war

BEBE SLAYED KILLER BOOMERRANG

rip kenny tho

hc: bebe is good at karate/taekwondo

makes clyde/kyle/kenny go wild for her

anyways end hc

ew EW EW WHAT THE FUCK

SKIPPED THIS SHIT BC CRINGE AND NASTY ASS FREAKS

boys vs girls WAR BABY LET’S GOOO

oh shit OH SHIT

FUCK THAT WAS WHACK

chef so real rn

WHAT SDKJBJKDSBGJKDSBKSD

EXCUSE ME

STANLEY MARSH.

STAN: “well, i guess we have a while to wait before we worry about sex and diseases, huh, Wendy?”

SO THIS KID SAYING THE TWO GONNA BANG AT 17

put that in my hc book rn

stendy crumbs my beloved

WENDY: “YEAH, THANK GOD.” JKFBDSKFBDSSD

i’m fucking crying oh my god

STENDYLE SUPREMACY LOOK AT THAT END CARD

ignore cartman being an idiot but STENDYLEEEE

awkward episode but AWSOME EPISODE

EPISODE 7:

KIDDOS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WHOLESOME

CARTMAN PUT THAT TAMPON BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT

boys are so cute looking at the gamesphere

who the fuck is towelie

ofc the boys play all weekend

AWW DO THEY ALL PLAY BASEBALL THAT’S CUTE

“u wanna get high?” bffr

misses baseball practice and now it’s monday and they gotta go to sckewl

not them stealing towelie but at the same time i don’t care

DO YOU KIDS EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ?@??@?#?@

what is this merch launch

STAN IS DRIVING AND KENNY IS ON THE PEDAL SABFHASBGBDSG

JFC

NOT TWEEK’S MOM

garrison pls

stan: we don’t care

they have PRIORITIES

CORE FOUR SKYDIVE

oh lord towelie pls

this is so odd ok

they don’t give a FUCK LET THEM PLAY THEIR OKAMA GAMESPHERE

NO KENNY NOT THE LAVA

CARTMAN SO REAL FOR THAT TOWELIE STATEMENT

EPISODE 8:

last ep for tn i think

WHAT THE FUCK ARE U ALL WEARING

butters !!

oh so butters gonna pass out

BUTTERS NO

no bc this is tweeking tweek out

WENDY ENDED CARTMAN SO TRUE

oh it’s the core four… but not.

SHARON MOM WHAT’S WRONG

oh OH

marsh family UNDER SIEGE

tweek baby boi it’s okay

EW WTF

towelie… wtf

BRO TOWELIE THAT WAS SO BAD PLEASE

no THE KIDS

kyle has claustrophobia ?? noted

stan. babe. please.

oh wow okay they rly going this route

i don’t rly wanna talk abt the subject in this ep bc it’s just. not appropriate

cartman pulling a road runner

what is with the bugs bunny refs

kyle: “i’m confused” me too babe

alr bedtime GOOD NITE

EPISODE 9:

HI GAMERS I’M BACC

happy 2 have a day off today to keep binging

lets goooo

AWWW THIS IS THE PICTURE DAY EPISODE JDKFJDSJBG

LOOK AT STAN AND HIS CUTE BLACK HAIR DJSBGKBKSDB HE IS SO BABIE

MY SON <3

stan infact, did not smile.

AYO BEBE GOT THAT DRAG MAKEUP ON SHE AN ALLY

butters OMG :’))))))) his little pink shirt

KENNY MY SON WTF

YOOOOO LOOK AT KYLE’S HAIR IT’S SO POOFY

HE’S SO CUTE

Cartman didn’t have to do all that pls he’s so extra

kenny my son ur a bit psycho for that but i digress

BUTTERS?? KENNY LITERALLY SHOWED HIS ASS

butters my baby boy you did nothing wrong i’m so sad

HOLY FUCK CARTMAN HE REALLY GETTING THAT KENNY PHOTO OUT THERE

STYLE PLAYDATE

cartman bro ur DERANGED

WHAT THE FUCK

ass cheek family I’M SCARRED

FUNNY FUSE

stan and kyle bringing ALL THE BOYS to see butt face parents (all my sons, icons really)

NO BUTTERS SUCH A BAD WAY TO BE GROUNDED

i’m mad he didn’t deserve this

butters pls don’t degrade urself i love u

cartman that’s so wild

kenny and kenny’s mom are scarred too

THE BOYS IN THE WINDOW

OFFICER BARBRADY??? MR. GARRISON? CHEF??? SHELIA???? y’all CRAZY CRAZY

it’s actually kinda nice for cartman to be chill

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GROSS

JIMMY !!!

“what a terrific audience” jimmy is so funny

GOES TO BUTTER’S HOUSE PT 2

a paper bag???? his parents are so mean :’((((

accusing of butters putting on makeup ??? BUT WHAT IF HE LIKES IT???

butter’s dad transphobic he told me so

cartman having a heart <3

“our little man is growing up” style being in charge of cartman is so real of them

“things will start getting more sophisticated around here” stan sweetie i wanna believe u but i can’t. this is south park god dammit.

OKAY BC OF CHARACTER LIMIT I’MMA DO A PART 3

[chrimsone]

Aight like with any simulation game, I'm hitting a Binge Period with RimWorld. It just got a new expansion that i havent gotten yet because money which involves updating my mods and having another go at a colony. And I have A LOT of mods. Just under 200 with what's been updated to 1.4. Some're QoL or well recommended mods like Alpha Animals. BUT THEN there's also stupid self indulgent mod. Like every destiny mod that's currently good for 1.4. and Froggy Chair. Because it's fun.

Anyways I'll be documenting my terrible attempt at a new colony on here.

Going with classic Randy Random. Honestly I've been going on the peaceful difficulty cause im BAD at the game but today i will try on the second lowest difficulty. Random selection gave me a Tropical Rainforest.

First colonist! I always go with the first generated list. Idk if its just me, but I hate splitting up pawns that have relationships so if I don't like one of them I just wont even consider the rest related.

This one is gonna be a problem child. Comfortable temperature is waay lower than normal pawns so I gotta prep myself quick to prevent a heatstroke

And this is my secret cheat chatacter lmao. My only true-cheat mod of the 'godlike' trait. maxes out like all their stats. BUT to caveat myself I never make the pawn do anything directly outside of combat. And even then one of my failed colonies had my cheat character get immediately ganked by a raid.

Welp. Lots of stone! One of my more mountainous maps. Where we dropped has a few geysers nearby so I'll probably setup camp right there. Even got some premade buildings!

that was quick

aight ive got some stuff setup for my colonists to do while i take a quick shower. let me know if anything cool happens.

yay! No catastrophes! in fact my homie tamed all the animals i toggled while i was away! instead my dumbass forgot to get more wood chopped so they couldnt finish building

aight i gotta dip for my semi-annual doctor's appt so that'll be my RimWorld for the day. Here's my current, chaotic setup. I'm not very good at building a decent colony. Can't wait for the eventual raids.

[une-nuit-pour-se-souvenir]

random thoughts about aegon vi and septa lemore

Apparently, it’s Aegon’s week. i don’t think i ever paticipated in these events for any character or pairing, but @agentrouka-blog​’s theory that septa Lemore is Ashara Dayne and that the baby switch was between Aegon and her rumoured child (instead of random kid) showed up on my dash today.

Lemore being Ashara Dayne and there having been baby switch like theorised would be fantastic, because she’d know a lot of stuff that is otherwise impossible to know. She knows who dishonoured her at Harrenhal (we all know Brandon, not Ned). She knows about Wylla, a wetnurse from the Dayne Household, who Eddard Stark and Edric Dayne both say is Jon’s mother (we all know Jon is Lyanna’s, so this apparent lie version being told by two different people who have nothing to do with one another seems to suggest a combined lie between Ned and the Daynes). She knows about Jon because Ned went to Starfall with him and (if baby switch theory is true), she can confirm Aegon VI is real.

There’s also the suspicious narrative choice of a “Targ” (not even, she has dark hair, not silver hair, even if she has purple eyes) getting with an impetuous Stark at Harrenhal and a secret child never really going anywhere. What’s the point of that besides shading Rhaegar plus Lyanna equals Jon? This I always thought was suspicious, but this theory would *poof* make it make sense.

TYRION III ~ ADWD

This is the chapter where Aegon VI Targaryen is first introduced. The whole chapter is like a “perigrination” to find him. I am of the opinion that Aegon VI is the real thing for a long time now and there’s evidence that might be the case in this very chapter where he’s introduced.

"How fares our lad?" asked Illyrio as the chests were being secured. Tyrion counted six, oaken chests with iron hasps. Duck shifted them easily enough, hoisting them on one shoulder.

This is shortly after the chapter starts. Not only Illyrio asks about Aegon, there’s also the imagery of six chests about. If Aegon is crowned king of Westeros, he’ll be Aegon VI Targaryen.

By imagery, Aegon is real.++

"There is a gift for the boy in one of the chests. Some candied ginger. He was always fond of it." Illyrio sounded oddly sad.

This is often used as a clue that Aegon VI is fake. Illyrio is expressing some sentimental attachment, so there are theories that he could be the father and the mother would be some Valyrian looking wife he has. it has its merits.

On the other hand, Aegon VI is on the run from the crown, hiding under a false identity and dyes his hair another colour, but most importantly in this passage, is Aegon’s fond of a specific sweet that what we would at first mistake for a father for the reasons pointed above gifts him with.

This is 1:1 what’s going on with Sansa, she’s on the run from the crown, hiding under a false identity and dyes her hair another colour, she’s fond of a specific sweet (lemoncakes) and Littlefinger, who’s pretending to be her father and is very... emotionally invested... in her, gifts her with some (well, in parternship with her cousin, but the cousin is another matter).

By parallel, Aegon is real.++

Tyrion craned his head to one side, and saw a boy standing on the roof of a low wooden building, waving a wide-brimmed straw hat. He was a lithe and well-made youth, with a lanky build and a shock of dark blue hair.

Aegon is inrroduced standing above the rest, literally high-standing.

By imagery, Aegon is real.++

An older couple with a Rhoynish cast to their features stood close beside the tiller, whilst a handsome septa in a soft white robe stepped through the cabin door and pushed a lock of dark brown hair from her eyes.

This is actually what I came for, Lemore.

Why a septa would be described as “handsome” when that should have no relevance since she’s supposed to be chaste (I know, it’s Tyrion, but still)? Ashara Dayne is described by many as being beautiful, arrestingly so. If Lemore is Ashara, “handsome” is a good way to describe her beauty still.

Lemore has dark brown hair. Ashara is described as having long dark hair tumbling about her shoulders. More importantly, Lemore's first actions is push her hair from her eyes. Like, pay attention to this woman’s eyes, even though they’re not described ever (not even their colour).

TYRION IV ~ ADWD

Tyrion had drunk himself blind his first night on the Shy Maid. The next day he awoke with dragons fighting in his skull.

So yes, the night after Tyrion meets Aegon and his party for the first time, he dreams of dragons fighting. Take note these are dragons, not a fake dragon in whatever way and a dragon.

By imagery, Aegon is real.++.

The clouds in the sky were aglow: pink and purple, maroon and gold, pearl and saffron. One looked like a dragon. Once a man has seen a dragon in flight, let him stay at home and tend his garden in content, someone had written once, for this wide world has no greater wonder. Tyrion scratched at his scar and tried to recall the author's name. Dragons had been much in his thoughts of late.

One of those clouds looks like a dragon. There’s no dragons with these colours BUT Targs have purple eyes and Viseryion, a dragon I believe is a narrative stand-in for Aegon VI, is described as cream and gold, so one colour here. Honestly, the important here is that Tyrion is associating dragons around Aegon.

By imagery, Aegon is real.++.

"Good morrow, Hugor." Septa Lemore had emerged in her white robes, cinched at the waist with a woven belt of seven colors. Her hair flowed loose about her shoulders. "How did you sleep?"

Holy shit.

“Even after all these years, Ser Barristan could still recall Ashara's smile, the sound of her laughter. He had only to close his eyes to see her, with her long dark hair tumbling about her shoulders and those haunting purple eyes.

"Fitfully, good lady. I dreamed of you again." A waking dream. He could not sleep, so he had eased a hand between his legs and imagined the septa atop him, breasts bouncing.

"A wicked dream, no doubt. You are a wicked man. Will you pray with me and ask forgiveness for your sins?"

Only if we pray in the fashion of the Summer Isles. "No, but do give the Maiden a long, sweet kiss for me."

Laughing, the septa walked to the prow of the boat. It was her custom to bathe in the river every morning.

"Plainly, this boat was not named for you," Tyrion called as she disrobed.

"The Mother and the Father made us in their image, Hugor. We should glory in our bodies, for they are the work of gods."

Yeah, it’s Tyrion, who’d sexualise a rock, but this is a septa who deserves respect. Yet, this is how the writer “paints” the reader’s first interaction with this new character. These are always the most striking moments when establishing a character and sex imagery is what the writer decided to do.

Also Lemore not only knows that Tyrion’s fantasising about having sex with her and doesn’t give a shit, she laughs instead, gets naked to bathe, and doesn’t give a shit if others look at her naked body. This doesn’t feel like a septa. I mean, I remember Mordane and the zealots at King’s Landing who screwed with Cersei. They have nothing on this.

The way she puts why she has no problems with naked bodies and the like also suggest some kind of “free spirit” which goes well with the (disgusting, but there) dornish wanton woman trope and being dishonoured by Brandon at Harrenhal.

Another thing to note, is that Tyrion also clearly says the “Shy Maid” wasn’t named after Lemore, which suggests she’s neither shy nor a maid. This is confirmed by her actions and by...

The dwarf watched Lemore slip into the water. The sight always made him hard. There was something wonderfully wicked about the thought of peeling the septa out of those chaste white robes and spreading her legs. Innocence despoiled, he thought … though Lemore was not near as innocent as she appeared. She had stretch marks on her belly that could only have come from childbirth.

Lemore was pregnant at one point!

When Lemore climbed back onto the deck, Tyrion savored the sight of water trickling between her breasts, her smooth skin glowing golden in the morning light. She was past forty, more handsome than pretty, but still easy on the eye. Being randy is the next best thing to being drunk, he decided. It made him feel as if he was still alive. "Did you see the turtle, Hugor?" the septa asked him, wringing water from her hair. "The big ridgeback?"

This disparity of behaviour between septa Lemore and any other septa in ASOIAF is VERY suspicious.  Note how Lemore has two mysteries about her already, she’s characterised nothing like any septa in ASOIAF (more like the tasteless “dornish wanton woman” sterotype instead) and a mystery child. What’s the point of that, if she’s irrelevant.

Compare how he Yandry and Ysilla couple is treated, where there are no bizarre things taking place that I noticed. Also Yandry and Ysilla are specifically said to be a pair of Dornish orphans. Why is the image of Dornish people here, along with Lemore? Suspicious, suspicious.

Lemore is “past fourty”. The asoiaf wiki lists Ashara Dayne as being born between 260AC and 269AC, which means that she’d be around this age if she had lived.

The imagery of a (false, but still) maidtaking a bath while men watch is the same as Florian and Jonquil song, an event that legend says happened at Maidenpool (close to... yes, that’s right, Harrenhal, where Ashara met Brandon).

"The turtles have their charms, I will allow. Nothing delights me so much as the sight of a nice pair of shapely … shells.

"Septa Lemore laughed. Like everyone else aboard the Shy Maid, she had her secrets. She was welcome to them. I do not want to know her, I only want to fuck her. She knew it too. As she hung her septa's crystal about her neck, to nestle in the cleft between her breasts, she teased him with a smile.

That’s not the behaviour of a septa and note the narrative acknowledgement that Lemore has secrets. She’s also called Lady instead of septa at some point in the narrative.

If this is Ashara, then Brandon met his match at Harrenhal. The waste, I can’t. What a sexy couple.

This chapter also contains Targ history as well as some Dorne (mother Rhoyne and whatnot). It goes well with Aegon is the real deal. But what really cinches it is the ending...

"It was him," cried Yandry. "The Old Man of the River."And why not?

Tyrion grinned. Gods and wonders always appear, to attend the birth of kings.

The Old Man of the River is a lesser god, the son of Mother Rhoyne. These gods are all associated with Dorne.

Aegon is real.++.

Tyrion VI ~ ADWD

"Even the bravest of your forebears kept his Kingsguard close about him in times of peril." Lemore had changed out of her septa's robes into garb more befitting the wife or daughter of a prosperous merchant. Tyrion watched her closely. He had sniffed out the truth beneath the dyed blue hair of Griff and Young Griff easily enough, and Yandry and Ysilla seemed to be no more than they claimed to be, whilst Duck was somewhat less. Lemore, though … Who is she, really? Why is she here? Not for gold, I'd judge. What is this prince to her? Was she ever a true septa?

Who is she, really... indeed... Lemore’s identity clearly is important.

She turned back to Prince Aegon. "You are not the only one who must needs hide."

Why does Lemore need to hide? :)

[voooorhees]

Could you write headcanons of: Billy and Stu being streamers and having a crush on another streamer, who also has a podcast .Like the boys say flirty things to the reader and simp, sometimes they even say things like 'why haven't you invited me to your podcast yet?'

Sorry for requesting so much!!!

ok if billy and stu would be streamers i would 110% watch them, it would be hella fun

Billy and Stu streamers x gender neutral Streamer crush!

cw: stab wounds and stab scars mentioned

• It all started when you made a small comment in chat, it was a simple movie reference but it caught the boys eyes immediately

• after they were done streaming they just had to find out more about this mysterious commenter, so they did what they did best and stalked you down and found your account and podcast! which to their delight was about horror movie breakdowns and reviews!!

• Stu was super curious about your podcasts and so he would play them while him and Billy were planning things or just doing schoolwork, but it eventually evolved to listening to your voice as they both fell asleep

• Billy would be really intrigued by your streams, you wore a mask and had this entrancing air about you

• Oh yeah Billy had to know more about this masked streamer who also had a horror movie podcast? yeah he needed to know more

• One day after school had let out, Billy yelled at Stu that you were about to stream! The boys immediately joined and started to watch you play

• Stu was way too eager to start commenting things, and they caught your interest

“well someone is quite talkative in chat today!”

• they both fangirl over this, both madly blushing and giggling like idiots

• this keeps on until the boys develop a friendship with you, but little comments would be thrown in

“your outfit looks nice today y/n, why can’t we see your face?”

• you and the boys would chat one on one (or one on two?) and spend hours picking apart each other’s favorite movies

• One day on your podcast, you decide to switch it up and talk about the local murders that have been happening in your town

“So for today’s topic, i want to talk about the murders in my town! Yeah i know it’s not a movie but-“

•immediately peaks their interest in you and they’re both dying to know

“So it all started with this chick named Casey Becker, i kinda knew of her, i mean we did- well used to go to the same school”

• oh yeah the boys would be either shocked in silence that you’re covering their murders or they would be jumping around and yelling in excitement (“y/n goes to our school??”)

• you cover in depth about how this girl’s mom was killed and then her dad went crazy and killed some high schoolers at a party, then he killed his daughter in a fit of emotion and then himself

“oh and you see, not everyone was killed during the party, this random kid named Randy survived and then these two boys were stabbed but tried to stop the man! How brave of them!”

• you briefly mentioned that you would like to interview the boys but you also wouldn’t want to bring up that traumatic experience

• Stu was all red and Billy had a dumbass grin on his face

“Billy! they want to interview us!”

• so after listening to you explain more about the murders and the motives they texted you

“so i heard your podcast about the woodsboro murders, why haven’t you invited me on your podcast sooner?”

• you had no clue this new friendship you made was with the two survivors of the murders? and you had been watching them stream for years??

• Billy and Stu would totally stream their interview with you for your podcast on their channel

• since you’d be on camera you kept your mask on (much to the boy’s disappointment)

• you asked questions about what it was like to be stabbed while trying to stop a mad man from killing your best friend

“Well Stu here was stabbed first cause he’s a dumbass and walked up on the man, but I got stabbed trying to get the man off of Stu”

Stu scoffed at Billy’s claims, “well i got stabbed cause i was going to help sidney! you were just standing around all drunk!”

•they bicker back and forth for a bit before you asked to see their stab scars

“you want to see the scars?” Billy would ask lowkey excited because he would have to lift his shirt

• Stu would be the quicker one to show you (Billy’s still kinda processing it)

•He lifts his shirt up so you can see the scar, it’s long and jagged going down the side of his stomach

• Bill’s would be more intense but it doesn’t look as deep as Stu’s

• Both of their dumbasses would be blushing

You decided to run your fingers over them and both shivered

“Do they hurt?” you asked as you lifted your hand off of them

“not really” They would both stutter out

•wow you could tell they had a crush, it was so obvious with how they looked at you

•after you guys ended the streams, you watched a movie together, it was easy to pick since you all liked the same things

•since you’re still wearing your mask (you realized who billy and stu were when they walked up to your door, and you knew them from school) it was kinda uncomfortable

• “fuck it” you decided as you took off the mask

• They boys both gasped when they saw who you really were

“oh shit y/n! i knew you sounded familiar!”

•turns out you had a math class with them

•when it came time for them to leave, you decided to do something a little bold

“hey billy, stu, hold on i have something to give you!”

•you stood up and gave both boy a smooch on the cheek and wished them well

“see you at school tomorrow!”

•they both stood there, shocked and hearts beating quick

“did y/n just kiss us?”

“i think so?”

•both of them would be grinning like clowns the whole way home

oh yeah they were very excited to see you tomorrow >:)

/sorry this is super long i got carried away :)

[j10kkuno]

Tonight has been so much but long story short Mickey is Romeo and Yuno is Juliet. CG and CB has beef. And all the guys(Yuno, Lang, CG) had a top tier RP session so seriously, props to them. But extra shoutout to Blau, absolutely one of his best GTA streams.

So, apparently Chang Gang and Clean Bois have some smaller beef with each other but it's not terribly bad. Like, Mickey still felt comfortable enough to do a silly fleeca with Yuno. But I guess the lore is a few months ago a Wu Chang artist dissed CB and now CB finally retaliated or something so K beat up two of Lang's employees. Also Denzel is going to reject Randy's business proposal due to past drama which I see as BS since I feel like as mayor he should be objective but also realistic because IRL mayors are bought out by gangs and puppet leaders so it sucks because Rated has put so much work into his idea. So small drama but nothing too major.

But Yuno is Yuno. Most of the CG guys are soft for him, so he's the exception. When Yuno invited Lang and Nino, that's when Mickey was like "CG's going to kill me." Yuno ran into K while planning, told him, he didn't seem thrilled but allowed it and the heist was fun. I missed the heist but clips was so much fun. Lang and Mickey purposefully was trolling Yuno during the hack and throwing out random shapes to distract him(Btw, earlier Ramee did a fleeca while on the phone with Marlo about GNE, we love top 2 hackers in the city doing hard mode hacks) and then they did a regular BMX bike plan and they had some fun cops on. Baas, Koil(Not sure if I see him as a *fun* cop but he appreciates the switch up from the normal plan), and... Cornwood! Cornwood was back in the city today for the first time in months! I knew Esfand was planning on coming back since he was in Ramee's chat and mentioned it two weeks ago ish but it was good to see Cornwood.

Everyone but Nino got caught, Mickey because he went back to try to save Yuno and had an officer at gun point for a trade off but they had Baas dress up as Yuno(Which was so much fun). Afterwards, they ran into CG at the apartments and I thought of it as a custody handoff of Mickey but it was just Yuno so it was cool and he kept saying Ramee looked good in his hoodie. The two gangs parted, Yuno did CB stuff and Mickey got interrogated. Ramee, that SBS idiot, hit him or shot him thinking he had armor and killed him. In the end, Mickey had gang leader's orders. Stab Yuno.

So, Sykkuno was trying to get to his apartment to end stream when CG rolled up on him and Mickey took him over to a shady overpass aand tried to have a private conversation with him, but Randy, Ramee, and K was lurking(Which was SO funny, Randy was insisting he was just gardening which K was just lying on the ground). Eventually, Mickey whispered that he had to stab Yuno so Yuno did the pass out emote and screamed about how Mickey tried to stab him.

Ramee and Randy were both quick to shoot to kill Mickey to protect their boy and in the end CG threw Mickey out of a plane for not actually stabbing Yuno. Then he tried to play Valo with Rated, but Valo insisted he needed to do a restart.

But no, it was a great night and Blau did amazing. All IC, everyone apparently had a ton of fun OOC. Chat, Yuno, and Lang were all trying to convince Mickey go to CB, but he'll likely stay with CG. This is what conflict RP should be. Fun, creative RP nights with your friends that has everyone laughing and throwing plot twists. Screw twitter and chat causing drama and shading people(My twitter feed has been pretty anti Ramee the past couple days and somewhat anti CG and it's just like. Why? I woke up to so much drama and shade this morning due to a Koil clip. Also learn IC vs OOC personalities)

[mr-hammer-exe]

Thoughts on another take. (Part 3)

(Since I have a bit more free time than before, I felt like posting the third installment to this ARG based around the Trapped Souls AU, written by Ask-Red-And-Solomon.) 

 (Also, quick note, this is where things begin to take a turn.)   

(With that, enjoy!)   

***** 

Kicking things off for this part, we have a missing persons report, filed for an employee who worked at Compile. The report was filed on October 22, 1988. The name of the missing individual will not be mentioned, to conceal his identity. 

Name: [Name Withheld] 

Current Status: Missing 

[REDACTED] was part of the crew of Software Developers at a video game company known as Compile. The company has currently been working on the game “Godzilla: Monster Of Monsters!”, which is set to release in December of this year.

[REDACTED] was last seen earlier today, leaving the company grounds after being fired for harassing another employee. The time he was seen leaving was around 12:30 PM, during one of the company’s scheduled lunch breaks for the employees. 

He left the company grounds, but was reported to have never returned home after several hours. When his neighbors were questioned about his disappearance, this fact was confirmed. 

If you have any supposed details as to what could’ve happened to this man, please contact [Number Withheld]. 

Next up, we have a dispatch report, made on October 27, 1988. 

Dispatcher: “911, what’s your emergency?” 

Caller: “Hello? Can you guys hear me okay?” 

Dispatcher: “Yes, we hear you loud and clear, sir. State your emergency.” 

Caller: “My name is Samson [Last name withheld], though I’m usually referred to as Sam. I’m very concerned about my friend, Randy [Last name withheld].”

Dispatcher: “Alright, what seems to be the problem with him?” 

Sam: “He’s been acting very strange recently...” 

Dispatcher: “Okay, sir, please continue.” 

Sam: “He’s been almost constantly distancing himself from me, and all of the other employees at Compile, which is the company he and I work at.” 

Dispatcher: “Compile, you mean that company where an employee went missing just last week?” 

Sam: “Y-Yeah, the one at that location.” 

Dispatcher: “Okay, go on.” 

Sam: “Whenever I try to confront him about it, he just seems to ignore me completely, or ramble incoherently about this...”breakthrough” he was close to achieving.” 

Dispatcher: “Do you have any information as to what he means by “breakthrough”?” 

Sam: “As it turns out, I do. During lunch break, I snuck into his cubicle, and searched through his belongings, where I found some journal entries.” 

Sam: “They revolve around these A.I. experiments he’s been working on since last month, which is when he and I met. Plus, he does have some technical knowledge when it comes to the topic of software development, so I see where he’s getting all this from.” 

Sam: “From what I’ve gathered based on the details, he’s trying to make this certain A.I. named “Red” into an actual living being...?” 

Sam: “I don’t know, I’m just really worried about him, he seems to be going mad.” 

Dispatcher: “Okay sir, would you like us to send a team to investigate?” 

Sam: “Yes, please, that would be greatly appreciated.” 

 Later that evening, the team was sent to investigate Randy’s personal belongings, some of which were provided by Sam. What you are about to read next is the investigation report. 

Officer A: “What is all this? Are these the journal entries we were told about?”

Officer B: “Seems like it.” 

Officer B: “I wonder what he was doing with all this stuff.” 

Officer A: “Well, according to the third journal entry, he wanted to make his A.I. experiments into real, living beings somehow. Freaky” 

Officer B: “And from that call we received, he was mainly obsessed with this A.I. named “Red.”” 

Officer A: “Here, I’ll check his computer, you see if you can find anything else.” 

Officer B: “Hey, I found something! It appears to be a fifth journal entry, though this one was torn out of his notebook.” 

Entry #5: October 22, 1988 - “I’ve figured it out at last. I can’t bring them here on their own, they’ll need a vessel that is native to this realm. That’s it, I need to make sacrifices, for the future of science.” 

Officer B: “...We need to report back to the team and show them this.” 

Officer A: “Agreed.” 

(End of Report)

On November 4, 1988, the body of [REDACTED] was found in an alleyway near where he went missing two weeks earlier. The body was heavily disfigured, though relatively undamaged. Below is an autopsy report of what happened to [REDACTED]. Please note that this may be disturbing for some readers. 

Date of Report: November 4, 1988

Gender of subject: Male  

Height: 6 ft 

Eye Color: Green 

Weight: Approximately 150 lbs 

Cause of death: Undetermined 

Notes: “The body was discovered in an alleyway 2,000 feet away from where the subject was last seen alive, in a heavily disfigured condition to the point where it was almost unrecognizable. The corpse was also covered in random places with mysterious, dark red flesh. It is strongly believed that foul play was to blame in this situation. Though as of now, nobody is able to identify how anything like this could’ve possibly happened. We will give updates to the local law enforcement if any new information is uncovered.” 

(End of Autopsy Report)

That wraps up the third installment to this ARG, I hope you’ve all enjoyed reading it so far. And as I mentioned last time, if you think you have reached any conclusions based on the details given, be sure to let me know. I’d love to hear what your theories are.  

Plus, in case you’re not one of those rare few who have been keeping up with this ARG when it’s been updated, here the links to the previous two parts: 

Part 1 

Part 2

- Hammer, over and out. 

[thorne93]

The Stars Made Us (Part 18)

Prompt: In this world, you’re one of the “lucky” ones who got a soulmate, but what if the universe gives you more than you bargained for?

(Prompt challenge – You live in a world where your soulmate can write on their skin and you will get the writing on your own and vice versa. Where they can wash away the ink on their own skin, however, the writing is forever scarred onto your skin until you meet face to face)

Word Count: 1939

Warnings: angst and language throughout, mention of suicide

Notes: This was supposed to be for @sorryimacrapwriter​​​​  and their challenge like a year ago, I think? I still loved the prompt though and have been working on this story for quite some time. This aesthetic was made by @quailliamfears thank you so much! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​​​​, couldn’t have done it without you, as well as @carryonmyswansong​​​​ and @arrow-guy​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​

Also, I’ve never really liked the whole soulmate AU thing idea, but this felt so right and it was amazing to write. I hope y’all love it too!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you arrived at Stephen’s place, you helped him through his morning routine before stating, “If I’m going to stay here nearly all day, I’ll need to get some work done. Is that alright with you?”

“Oh, please, by all means, don’t let me get in the way of your pseudoscience,” he said, making a gesture of moving out of the way. “You can use my office.” 

You rolled your eyes and grabbed your suitcase full of things. “Thanks.” You went in there and made a small work space and began calling patients, trying to schedule them for therapy in the city. You could use another space nearby to start seeing them, depending on how long you would be here. 

When you took a break, you made lunch for you and Stephen. 

“New song today,” you said as you turned on the music, skipping to a random song in your library. 

“You make this so easy,” he boasted before nailing the artist, album name, and release year. 

“I will get you, one day,” you vowed with a grin. 

You went back to your office after the two of you ate, and talked quickly of current events in the news. While you were on the phone with one of your more unstable, and new patients, you had to calm him down. 

“Randy, Randy, take a deep breath for me. There’s nothing we can’t figure out,” you coaxed on the phone, standing up and pacing. 

“You’re two hours away! My father has cancer and I--” He started to sob and you continued to pace. 

“I know. This puts you in a very difficult position.” 

“No, no it doesn’t. It makes everything clearer. I can’t be here.” 

“Be where? Randy, where are you?” 

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t care. No one fucking cares!” he cried out. 

“Yes they do,” you insisted, your heart hammering in your chest. “I do.”

“You’re paid to!”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care. Randy, tell me where you are. When did you find out your father had cancer?” 

“A few hours ago,” he said. 

“So where are you now?” 

“I’m not going to tell you anything. This is all too much. I just lost my mom a year ago, and now my dad… He might be an abusive son of a bitch, but he’s all I’ve got.” 

You took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say. 

“Randy, are you in danger of hurting yourself or anyone else?” 

He paused, silent a long time before saying, “Just me.” He began crying again. 

You began searching for his address on your laptop from the forms he’d filled out. You marched out of the temporary office and over to Stephen who was sitting on his couch, reading. “Randy, why do you want to hurt yourself?” you asked, making Stephen look up at you. You grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled a message that said to do a welfare check on Randy Smith, with his address. 

“Because I don’t have any body.”

“You told me you have some cousins, how would they feel if you ended your life?” 

“They wouldn’t even know. If they did find out they’d just say, ‘that’s a shame.’.”

You shoved the paper at Stephen with the instructions on it. He nodded and got up, grabbing his phone and going into his bedroom. 

“No friends? Girlfriend? Coworkers? Randy, everyone has something to live for. People aren’t the only thing that make a life go round. You told me you’re a computer programmer, yeah? What do you want to do with that?” 

“Well, I work for a medical software company.” 

“Is that your dream job?” 

“Not really. I mean, I love the programming, but it’s not all I want to do.”

“Tell me about what you do want to do.” 

“I want to program planes, for the military.” 

“See? That’s a noble cause. It’ll help your country. Randy, if you end your life now, that’s your choice, but you won’t get the chance to tell your father what he has done to you. You won’t get the chance to talk with me, to work through problems I know you can work through. You sought me out for help, please, let me help. Don’t miss this opportunity to take control of your life, and make it what you want to be.” 

Stephen walked back in the room and he said, “They went to the house, there was no one there.” 

“Randy?” you said again. “Randy, please, don’t make a mistake based on how you’re feeling right now in this moment. We know that all feelings pass, and you may be in the dark right now, I know you might be very far in there, in a pit you feel like you can’t climb out of. But that’s why you hired me, isn’t it? This cancer situation with your father is just that, it’s a situation we need to navigate together. I’ll help you every step of the way. You just need to tell me where you are and we can begin therapy as soon as you'd like.” 

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally said, “I’m in the parking garage… Oh, god, Dr. Y/L/N, please help me.” 

You held in your sigh of relief and replied, “I will, Randy, I will. I’ll be right there.” You hung up and called the police, telling them where he was. 

“I’m so sorry, Stephen, but I have to go,” you said hurriedly. 

He merely nodded as you grabbed your purse and ran out the door. 

Once the crisis was averted, you got him checked into the hospital, and you talked with him for a bit. Once he felt safe and secure, you left him in the capable hands of the hospital. You came back to the apartment, drained. 

“That was, uh, impressive,” Stephen noted. “Guess it’s more than just a pseudo science.”

“Guess so,” you responded tiredly. 

“So what made you decide to do this work?” he asked.

You scoffed. “Oh, so now you’re suddenly interested?” 

“Now that I saw you save a man’s life over the phone? Yes, I am. I’m very impressed. I can only save lives with my own hand. You did it with nothing but your own words, your own voice.” 

“I suppose I did. Well, if you must know, I simply want to help people. I love making sure people are okay and knowing I had a hand in that.”

“That’s rather noble.” 

You laughed. “That’s what Charles said when I told him when we first started corresponding.” 

“It’s true though.”

“So how about you? Saving lives, that’s quite noble. Is that why you do what you do?”

He laughed now. “Far from it. I just love the thrill.” 

You nodded slowly. “Ah, yes, people love holding other people’s lives in their hands for the thrill of it. I would say correct me if I’m wrong, but I know I’m not, and the only people who do that are those with antisocial personality disorder. You don’t strike me as the type, despite your best efforts.” 

Stephen smiled widely at this. “Touche. Uh, if you really want to know. I had a tragedy happen when I was younger. The thing you said when we first met, about losing someone close, someone family… you were right. Long story short, I wanted to save lives. That’s all I want to say on it.”

You pressed your lips together before nodding and saying, “Thank you, for sharing with me. I bet that was hard.”

“Don’t use your psychiatrist voice on me. I don’t need to be pitied or patronized.” 

“I’m not. I’m simply being sympathetic. I truly believed you went through something hard and I appreciate you telling me. Opening up to me is a great honor, I feel.” 

He semi-rolled his eyes. You realized you needed to take a different approach here. Stephen didn’t like talking about his past, in regards to his family. But Christine made it clear that he was arrogant, so maybe you should talk about his achievements. 

“Christine told me you were driving to a convention when your crash happened, to speak at a conference.” 

“Yes, I was.”

“Do you enjoy it? Speaking, that is, about your work?” 

“I do, I love it actually. Have you ever done it?” 

You shrugged slightly. “I’ve done it a handful of times but she said you did it often and were very good at it.”

“I’d like to say so, but she said she didn’t ever enjoy it.” 

“That’s too bad. I wish I could’ve been your date,” you admitted. “You seem like you’d actually have fun at those things.”

“I did. I wish I could still do it.” 

“You will, one day, I know it.” You grinned at him and the two of you ordered take-out. 

------------------------

Things turned south for Stephen though. He couldn’t afford the high price of his Manhattan penthouse without his job. He’d burned through all of his money trying to chase every cure. When he finally realized this, he went nuts.

“I’m losing my home!” he shouted as he ran around his room in a robe, looking like a mad man.

“It’s just an apartment, Stephen. We can find you a new one.”

“Oh, yes, because you have so much free time.”

“I do. I came here to help you, didn’t I?” you challenged. 

“I don’t need you to be a realtor.”

“Why not? You’ve made me a nurse, a cook, a maid. It’s clear you don’t want me as a soulmate, and friend is still even up for debate. Why not just make me your realtor?” 

“You’ve never lost anything, have you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be so heartless about this.”

You stopped, staring at him. “I’ve lost something before. I’m not being heartless, Stephen. I’m being realistic. You spent all of your money. You aren’t making any more. You have to move out of a place you can no longer afford. You’re always raving about logic and statistics and things you can see, well look at the statistics if you keep trying to live here.” 

“This is everything I’ve worked for.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a side effect of what you can do. There is more to life than just your work. You dedicated yourself like this once before, you can do it again. You didn’t work for a fancy palace in a shining city. You worked to be the best god damn neurosurgeon you can be and it paid off and it got you this. But you don’t have this any more. You don't have the means. I know it hurts, I know it sucks. But crying about it, getting pissed off about it, isn’t going to change the fact that your hands are beyond repair.”

He looked at you as if he hated you and your nerves just steeled. You couldn’t waiver from him, from this, not now. Not when he needed you most. 

“I’m here to help you. So help me help you, before you end up on the streets. Alright?” 

He sat down on his bed, his head in his hands. You were standing on the opposite side of the bed before you got on it and crawled over, putting your hands on his shoulders and resting your cheek against his back. 

“We will figure this out. Okay?” 

A long silence passed before he said, “I never wanted to end up like this.” 

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” You kissed his robe clad shoulder. “We’ll get you another apartment, another job. You’re still a doctor. It’s not the end of the world.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

@essie1876​​​​​

@magpiegirl80​​​​​

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​​​​

@iamwarrenspeace

@marvel-imagines-yes-please​​​​​

@superwholocked527

@missinstantgratification​​​​​

@thejemersoninferno​​​​​

@rda1989​​​​​

@munlis​​​​​

@thefridgeismybestie​​​​​

@bubblyanarocks3​​​​​

@igiveupicantthinkofausername​​​​​

@kaliforniacoastalteens​​​​​

@feelmyroarrrr​​​​​

@kaeling

@friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​​​​

@damalseer​​​​​

@heyitscam99​​​​

@yknott81​​​​

@sorryimacrapwriter​​​​​

@glitterquadricorn​​​​​

@xxqueenofisolationxx

@little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama

@bittersweetunicorm​​​​​

@alyssaj23​​​​​

@sea040561​​​​​

@princess76179​​​​​

@thisismysecrethappyplace​​​​​

@sarahp879​​​​​

@malfoysqueen14​​​​​

@ellallheart​​​​​

@breezy1415​​​​​

@marvelmayo​​​​​

@lyniboy​​​​​

@paintballkid711​​​​

Charles Xavier

@bohemianrhapsody86​​​​

@lenawiinchester​​​​​​

TSMU

@tilltheendwilliwrite​​​​​

@allinhishands​​

@solaramoonset​​

@halfofwhatisayismeaningless​​

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss acts as playwright when he writes songs. He’s far more confident, and certainly more vulnerable, when he allows himself to play the part. In such a way, songwriting opens up a whole new world that pulses with untapped potential. So much of what he has accomplished in 15 years resides in his willingness to expose himself to what his imagination and intuition have in store. He steps into a playwright’s shoes with considerable ease (just look at his resume), and always one to put on plenty of bravado, especially during our Zoom face-to-face, it’s the natural order of things.

“As I get older and write more and more songs, I really recognize that I’ve always preferred to write for another context other than my own,” Criss tells American Songwriter. He speaks with a cool intensity, gesturing emphatically to accentuate a sentence, and when you let him go, he’s like the Energizer Bunny 一 “I can tell by just how quiet you already are that you’re fucked,” he jokes at the start of our video chat. But he remains just as engaged and focused when listening.

He soaks in the world, taking astute notes about behavior and emotional traits he can later use in song. His storytelling, though, arrives already in character, fully formed portraits he can then relay to the world. It’s not that he can’t be vulnerable, like such greats as Randy Newman, Tom Waits, and Rufus Wainwright, who have all embroidered their work with deeply personal observations, it just doesn’t feel as comfortable. “I’ve always really admired the great songwriters of the world who are extremely introspective and can put their heart and soul on the chopping block,” he muses. “That’s a vulnerability that I think is so majestic. I’ve never had access to it. I’m not mad about it. It’s just good to know what your deal is.”

Criss’ strengths lie in his ability to braid his own experiences, as charmed as they might be, into wild, goofy fantasies. In the case of his new series “Royalties,” now streaming on Quibi, he walks a fine line between pointed commentary on the music industry, from menial songwriting sessions to constantly chasing down the next smash, and oddball comedy that is unequivocally fun. Plotted with long-standing friends and collaborators Matt and Nick Lang, co-founders of Team StarKid, created during their University of Michigan days (circa 2009), the show’s conceptual nucleus dates back more than a decade.

If “Royalties” (starring Criss and Kether Donohue) feels familiar, that’s because it is. The 10-episode show ─ boasting a smorgasbord of delightful guest stars, including Mark Hammill, Georgia King, Julianna Hough, Sabrina Carpenter, and Lil Rel Howery ─ captures the very essence of a little known web series called “Little White Lie.” Mid-summer 2009, Team StarKid uploaded the shoddy, low budget production onto YouTube, and its scrappy tale of amateur musicians seeking fame and fortune quickly found its audience, coming on the heels of “A Very Potter Musical,” co-written with and starring Criss. Little did the trio know, those initial endeavors laid the groundwork for a lifetime of creative genius.

“It’s a full circle moment,” says Criss, 33, zooming from his Los Angeles home, which he shares with his wife Mia. He’s fresh-faced and zestful in talking about the new project. 11 years separate the two series, but their connective thematic tissues remain striking. “Royalties” is far more polished, the obvious natural progression in so much time, and where “Little White Lie” soaked in soapy melodrama, the former analyzes the ins and outs of the music world through more thoughtful writing, better defined (and performed) characters, and hookier original tunes.

“Royalties” follows Sara (Donohue) and Pierce (Criss), two struggling songwriters in Los Angeles, through various career exploits and pursuits. The pilot, titled “Just That Good,” features an outlandish performance from Rufus Wainwright as a major player in dance-pop music, kickstarting the absurdity of Criss’ perfectly-heightened reality. As our two main characters stumble their way between songwriting sessions, finally uncovering hit single potential while eating a hot dog, Criss offers a glimpse into the oft-unappreciated art of songwriting.

In his own songwriting career ─ from 2010’s self-released Human EP and a deal with Columbia Records (with whom a project never materialized) to 2017’s Homework EP and Computer Games’ debut, Lost Boys Life, (a collaboration with his brother Chuck) ─ he’s learned a thing or two about the process. Something about sitting in a room with someone you’ve never met before always rang a little funny to him.

“You meet a stranger, and you have to be creative, vulnerable, and open. It’s speed-dating, essentially. It’s a different episode every time you pull it off or not. All the big songwriters will tell you all these crazy war stories. Everyone has a wacky story from songwriting,” he says. “I slowly realized I may ─ I can’t flatter myself, there are tons of creative people who are songwriters ─ have prerequisites to just put the two together [TV and music]. I’ve worked enough in television as an actor and creator. I can connect the dots. I had dual citizenship where I felt like it was really time for me to go forth with this show.”

But a packed professional life pushed the idea to the backburner.

Between six seasons of “Glee” (playing Blaine Anderson, a Warbler and lover to Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel), starring in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, and creating Elsie Fest, a one-day outdoor festival celebrating songs of the stage and screen, he never had the time. “I was lucky enough to be busy,” he says. “As Team StarKid’s star was continuing to rise with me being separate from it, I was trying to think of a way to get involved again with songwriting.”

At one point, “Glee” had officially wrapped and his Broadway run was finished. It appeared “Royalties” may finally get its day in the sun. “I went to Chicago for a work pilgrimage with the Langs. We had a few days, and we put all our ideas on the map: every musical, feature film, show, graphic novel, and animated series we’ve ever thought of,” he says. “A lot of them were from the Langs; they were just things I was interested in as a producer or actor. We looked at all of them and made a top three.”

“Royalties” obviously made the cut.

Fast forward several years, Gail Berman’s SideCar, a production company under FOX Entertainment, was looking to produce a music show. Those early conversations, beginning at an otherwise random LA party, showed great promise in airlifting the concept from novel idea to discernible reality. Things quickly stalled, however, as they often do in Hollywood, but Criss had at least spoken his dreams into the universe.

“I finally had an outlet to put it into gear. It wasn’t until two to three years after that that things really locked in. We eventually made shorts and made a pilot presentation. We showed it to people, and it wasn’t until Quibi started making their presence known that making something seemed really appealing,” he says. “As a creator, they’re very creator-centric. They’re not a studio. They’re a platform. They are licensing IP much like when a label licenses an indie band’s album after the fact.”

Quibi has drawn severe ire over the last few months, perhaps because there is a “Wild Westness” to it, Criss says. “I think that makes some people nervous. Being my first foray into something of this kind, Quibi felt like a natural partner for us. If this had been a network or cable show, we would’ve molded it to be whatever it was.”

Format-wise, “Royalties” works best as bite-sized vignettes, charming hijinks through the boardroom and beyond, and serves as a direct response to a sea of music shows, from “Nashville” and “Empire” to “Smash.” “Those shows were bigger, more melodramatic looks at the inside base of our world. I’ve always been a goofball, and I just wanted to take the piss out of it,” he says. “This show isn’t about songwriting. It’s about songwriters… but a very wacky look at them.”

“30 Rock,” a scripted comedy loosely based around “Saturday Night Live,” in which the focus predominantly resides around the characters, rather than the business itself, was also on his mind. “It’s about the interconnectivity of the people and characters. As much of the insider knowledge that I wanted to put into our show, at the end of the day, you just want to make a fun, funny show that’s relatable to people who know nothing about songwriting and who shouldn’t have to know anything.”

Throughout 10 episodes, Criss culls the “musicality, fun, and humor” of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger and Max Martin, two of his biggest songwriting heroes, and covers as many genres as possible, from K-Pop to rap-caviar and classic country. While zip-lining between formats, the songs fully rely on a sturdy storytelling foundation ─ only then can Criss drape the music around the characters and their respective trajectories. “I wanted to do something where I could use all the muscles I like to flex at once, instead of compartmentalizing them,” he says. “I really love writing songs for a narrative, not necessarily for myself. I thrive a little more when I have parameters, characters, and a story to tell.”

Bonnie McKee, one of today’s greatest pop architects, takes centerstage, too, with an episode called “Kick Your Shoes Off,” in which she plays a bizarro version of herself. “She has her own story, and I’ve always been fascinated by it,” says Criss, who took her out to lunch one day to tell her about it. Initially, the singer-songwriter, known for penning hits for Katy Perry, Taio Cruz, and Britney Spears, would anchor the entire show, but it soon became apparent she would simply star in her own gloriously zany episode.

In one of the show’s standout scenes, Pierce and Sara sit in on a label meeting with McKee’s character and are tasked with writing a future hit. But they quickly learn how many cooks are in the kitchen at any given moment. Everyone from senior level executives to publicists and contracted consultants have an opinion about the artist’s music. One individual urges her to experiment, while another begs not to alienate her loyal fanbase, and then a third advises her to chronicle the entire history of music itself ─ all within three minutes or so. It’s absurd, and that’s the point. “Everyone’s been in that meeting, whether you’re in marketing or any creative discussion that has to be made on a corporate level by committee. It’s the inevitable, comedic contradictions and dissociations from not only rationality but feasibility.”

Criss also draws upon his own major label days, having signed with Sony/Columbia right off the set of “Glee,” as well as second-hand accounts from close friends. “There are so many artists, particularly young artists, who famously get chewed up and spat out by the label system,” he says. “There’s a lot of sour tastes in a lot of people’s mouths from being ‘mistreated’ by a label. I have a lot of friends who’ve had very unfortunate experiences.”

“I was really lucky. I didn’t have that. I have nothing but wonderful things to say,” he quickly adds.“It wasn’t a full-on drop or anything. I was acting, and I was spreading myself really thin. It’s a record label’s job to make product, and I was doing it piecemeal here and there. I would shoot a season [of ‘Glee’] and then do a play. I was doing too many things. I didn’t have it in me at the time to do music. I had written a few songs I thought were… fine.”

Both Criss and the label came to the same conclusion: perhaps this professional relationship just wasn’t a good fit. They parted ways, and he harbors no ill-will. In fact, he remains close friends with many folks from that time. So, it seems, a show like “Royalties” satisfies his deep hunger to make music and write songs ─ and do it totally on his own terms.

“I still say I want to put out music, and fans have been very vocal about that. I feel very fortunate they’re still interested at all,” he says. “That passion for making music really does come out in stuff like [this show].”

“Royalties” is Darren Criss at his most playful, daring, and offbeat. It’s the culmination of everything he has tirelessly worked toward over the last decade and a half. Under pressure with a limited filming schedule, he hits on all cylinders with a soundtrack, released on Republic Records, that sticks in the brain like all good pop music should do. And it would not have been the same had he, alongside Matt and Nick Lang, not formed Team StarKid 11 years ago.

Truth be told, it all began with a “Little White Lie.”

[winderlylandchime]

Also another fun thing happened, my brother is in between watching Criminal Minds at random episodes and today he was watching 14x09 and like two minutes into the episode, I hear him scream all the way to my room ‘BRIAN!! ITS BRIAN! BRIAN, OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!’ I had no idea that Gale was on Criminal Minds and I can’t believe my brother is the one who discovered it while not even knowing his name. Also i would like you to know that at one point Gale’s character kisses one of the leads (he plays her ex husband) and my brother gasped and went ‘oh…i wonder if it’s weird for him to kiss women?’ (This made me giggle a little ngl) Also he was a BIG fan of Gale with a bit of a beard that he has in the episode and he really liked the glasses on him. And immediately he went ‘part of me thinks this is what Brian in his 40-50s would be like but I think he’d be dressed better and he would for sure hide his glasses hut Justin would catch him with them one day’ and he was very thrown off by Gale’s voice/talking. I feel like the only way to explain it (if you haven’t seen it) is that in the episode Gale talks/is more like how he is in real life? Idk if that makes sense but to me it didn’t come as a surprise but obviously my brother had a strong reaction since all he’s seen is Brian Kinney. And there was this moment (i really hope im not spoiling anything omg) where Gale’s character who is a recovering addict in a flashback attacked his ex wife and he went ‘oh shit. Oh fuck. This is..so not Brian like. Oh god, my Brian would never do that *long pause and then he kinda giggles at himself* i guess that’s why they call it acting.’ He was so happy to see his Brian is in something other than qaf and he kept talking about what other shows he could be in. And it’s gonna suck when he finds out that Gale and Randy kinda stepped back from tv/media. Anyway, I had to let you know about this because he genuinely screamed so fucking loud when he saw Gale, that if my neighbors didn’t know him by now, they’d for sure call the cops. This also reminded me of you talking about your future fic where Brian has a beard and my immediate thought was ‘she already has a fan even though he has no clue about fics’ cause he REALLY liked the look but Gale did have a shorter beard in the ep thankfully

I think I’ve seen that episode of Criminal Minds! He also has a part on Law & Order SVU (he plays a very creepy fertility doctor) and Gray’s Anatomy (he plays an actual nazi).

I LOVE that he’s a fan of Bearded Gale even if he doesn’t yet know what fic is. I’m aiming to start posting my new fic in December so that’s enough time to finish the series, devour all the bts information and footage, and get introduced to the wonderful world of fanfiction.

I totally know what you mean when you say the difference between Brian’s voice and Gale’s… it is called acting!