#SHIFT INTO REVERSE SPONGEBOB

[prideprejudce]

i’m crying idk what’s funnier the video or the comments

[postpunkpontypandyphantomthief]

The FictionKin List

(first a note I found from a carrd describing the terminology:)

Core: Some people use this term some people don’t, it’s basically like the strongest level you can kin a character. It’s taking THAT’S ME to another level. (It is stronger than a selfhood)

Selfhood: ‘A character I relate to very strongly, and relate to at almost all times. It’s basically like watching a show/etc and seeing a character and thinking That’s me!’

ID’s: ‘I relate to this character very strongly, but sometimes I feel a little less connected to them depending on my mood/etc’

Reverse ID’s: An ID but only when you are in some sort of shift (you relate to this character very strongly but ONLY when you are in a shift/mood change, when you aren’t you feel little to no amount of relation to this character. Example: feeling incredibly confident therefore relating to characters that are more confident)

Minor Kins: Characters you relate to some what/a little but not enough to be an ID.

Reverse Minor Kins: Characters you relate to some what/a little but only when in some sort of shift. When you aren’t in a shift you relate to this character 0%.

Core:

Bubbles (Powerpuff Girls)  

Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls)

Blossom (Powerpuff Girls)

Veronica Sawyer (Heathers)

Misaki Ayuzawa (Kaichou wa maid sama!)

Hideyoshi Kinoshita (Baka and Test)

Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon)

James Maguire (Derry Girls)

Barbie (Barbie)

Cloe (Bratz)

Frankie Stein (Monster High)

Fleabag (Fleabag)

Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Konata Izumi (Lucky Star)

Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran)

Jaq (Cinderella)

Richie (Bottom)

Rick (The Young Ones)

Smithers (The Simpsons)

Selfhood:

Erin (Derry Girls)

Neil (The Young Ones)

Roy (IT Crowd)

Edward Catflap (Filthy,Rich and Catflap)

Jem (Jem and the holograms)

Mickey Mouse (Disney)

Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)

Spongebob (Spongebob)

Super Mario (Nintendo)

James (Pokemon)

George (Black Adder)

Haruka Kotoura  (Kotoura-san)

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

Haruhi Suzumiya (Haruhi Suzumiya)

Misato Katsuragi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Furude Rika (Higurashi)

Lucy (Elfen Lied)

Hibari Oozora (Stop!! Hibari Kun)

Ranma Saotome (Ranma ½)

Richmond Avenal (IT Crowd)

Vince Noir (The Mighty Boosh)

Lydia Deetz (Beetlejuice)

ID’s:

Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

Tweety Bird (Looney Tunes)

Peridot (Steven Universe)

Kirby (Nintendo)

Moka Akashiya (Rosario X Vampire)

Patsy Stone (Abfab)

Grell Sutcliff (Black Butler)

Vyvyan Basterd (The Young Ones)

Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice)

Shaggy (Scooby Doo)

Reverse ID’s:

Dennis Pennis (The Sunday Show)

Eddie Monsoon (Abfab)

Richie Rich (Filthy,Rich and Catflap)

Alan B’stard (The New Statesman)

Tomoko Kuroki (Watamote)

Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler)

Daria (Daria)

Lum Invader (Urusei Yatsura)

Harley Quinn (DC Comics)

Minor Kins:

Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic)

Mike the cool person (The Young Ones)

Reverse Minor Kins:

Yusuke Urameshi (Yu Yu Hakusho)

[electric-marrow]

mouth dreams review but it was typed live while i was listening to it and completely unedited

under the cut because it’s 1800+ words. also, swearing. actual review to come soon!!

mouth dreams' first track is ephemeral and beautiful, spine-chilling and moving. it rocks you into this world in a beautiful passageway, like the entrance to sakaar, and the moment it peaks over into the twilight opening you are almost on the verge of tears.

and then we will rock you kicks in.

/and then the spongebob squarepants opening theme kicks in/.

and then the two motherfucking /sync/.

a beautiful piece of childhood, worked over another. beautiful guitar overlaid with beautiful chanting almost powerful.

the next song uses extensive sentence mixing, but is cut so smoothly that we are convinced Cash is offering up an absurd, painstakingly honest tale. "it's probably a good train." fuck, fuck, yes, it probably is. "my mama was my train." fuck, she was...

the instrumentals are soul-rising, and the "baby, baby, baby" undercurrent is eargasmic. everything about it feels like you're listening to your dying mentor's backstory.

it moves you, and you keep moving. this whole album keeps you in constant motion, as if you yourself have some falling to do.

and then he says "i shit my pants". and you realise, this is it, this is NEIL'S ALBUM, oh, how foolish you were for forgetting.

HELL YES IT'S FUCKING PSYCHO KILLER. let me pause the review of that song, fuck yes.

a heavily sentence-mixed "pyscho killer" focusing on david byrne's bed, overlaid atop the iconic instrumentals of super freak.

this makes the talking heads classic seem like an upbeat song you might hear on the radio. it's much less somber, more passionate.

neil's humor pokes through visibly, shining like a beacon of light that brings a smile to your tear-stained face.

there's no room to breathe on this album; the songs come running together in the most gorgeous of ways. holy shit, am i only twelve minutes in? i think i might sob.

this one is unfamiliar at first—i only saw the partridge family once or twice as a kid. the remixing is smooth, so that it sounds natural.

so natural that when it starts to sound unnatural, it's a terrifying work of art that made me shake. a plea with you to be happy, almost a demand, like they're outside your windows.

the music starts to dance from ear to ear, and it's almost masterful in the horror it invokes.

and then there's scatting. or, what sounds like it.

and then you realise it's the chili's babyback ribs ad. it's soulful, placed atop everybody wants to rule the world in smooth ease.

that's when marilyn manson starts shrieking. the roughness, the rasp, smacking against that smooth drawl. it's a beautiful juxtaposition.

oh, and then the lion sleeps tonight is there. somehow, it fits. you start to revel in neil's genius. no one will ever be able to achieve this again, not in the same way. this is the beacon that you needed in these dark times.

you wonder if you'll cry the next time you hear this.

it's a pretty effective ad, actually. if marilyn manson advertised everything, i might buy it.

the next song makes you jump to attention. the track teased in the trailer, with its jumping guitar and its congested vocals. this sounds almost natural, like an authentic goth song.

of course, he has to say "mouth". aerosmith and green day and, most importantly, neil cicierega, combining to create a mouthy ballad that echoes through you.

—oh, goddamnit, green day. september 30th. neil woke up when september ended. fuck. dammit. is that insensitive? maybe. shit.

i'm not well-versed with music, so these songs were both pretty alien. however, their mixing is masterful, and the removal of the singer's objections to his situations form a sweet little ballad.

my own worst enemy. this one is  familiar, and it makes heads turn as you realise what music is slowly remixed.

a rocking tribute to sleeping with your clothes on. short, sweet, rockin' and rollin' as hard as it can.

the segue is beautiful, like it's natural.

the lyrics make your chest heave, and the sound itself is heavily distorted to a dreamy state, as if you are as drunk as the singer sounds. anything can be amore, you realise.

the distortion is noticeable without ruining the track, and neil has gotten significantly better.

it ends a little more nightmarishly, and makes you feel very real. very in your skin. fuck yeah, neil.

the following "stop" is even more jarring, and it's almost welcome.

and then, stacy's mom. i think the instrumentals are where is my mind, i don't know. but it /works/, and it fits together, with stacy's mom slowed down considerably but not so that it ruins the track. the pitch is shifted properly so that it becomes an angry slow ballad about stacy's mom. rife with heartbreak.

and then it stops, breaks off into a cry for "mom" that might awaken buried maternal issues in the listener. maybe just me, though.

here comes fred durst. it gets the "wow wow" treatment, and its nookie theme becomes sweet, bouncing around with innocent sentimentality. i thought i heard seinfeld around there somewhere.

this is a good point in the album to close your eyes and really hear the album, to feel what ou are truly experiencing. it can move by too fast if you're not paying attention. listen to that iconic sledgehammer guitar. listen to—mario?

fuck. fuck. fuck.

fucking christ. not the fucking ewok celebration.

almost nonsensical lyrics play over the nookie instrumental (reversing the last track's roles), and the combination is natural and rowdy. you slowly realise what those ewoks reflected in neil's glasses /mean/, and it horrifies you just a little.

god, that's good. fuck you, neil.

jingles? is that—jingles?

a moment of confusion. and then, THX.

the iconic, crawling note, invading your ears and then slowly fading out. "she drives me crazy" is playing, and the THX sound is its backing track.

only neil.

it gets better as it goes on, from a joking track to a genuinely orchestral sensation. it's good music. it's beautiful. it feels like an action movie soundtrack, as the hero discovers a massive secret.

maybe you are dreaming.

the next sound sample is jarring. the announcement. the outsiders cast. and then more, and then more. it feels like a list of gods left in a dying world. johnny.

and then there is johnny cash.

and then it isn't.

what neil plays is heartbreaking. it feels like your world is crashing down around you. it's a betrayal that could bring anyone to their knees. the booing played behind it is appropriate.

but he builds that world right back up, with soft, strumming guitar. it's forgiveness and vitriol all rolled into one.

actually, you can forgive him for the next track. yes. fireflies. let's fucking go. closer overlaid with fireflies. yes. hell yes.

it's like a gift, a peace offering.

the nostalgic, upbeat lyrics, feel deeper atop the warbling, warped backing track. it's like owl city's song about dreaming feels like it could be a teenage angst anthem.

it's art.

the plucked guitar fades out, and the lyrics start to distort. everything fades away...

nevermind, time for billy joel.

the shrieking, screaming, rasping lyrics of nightmare are mixed atop the bouncing piano music, so the song lays halfway between an upbeat piece of joy, and a warning.

it ain't over yet.

xylophone. why is there xylophone?

the iconic "powerhouse" track serves as our instrumentals, the classic sound one from our childhood as the droning sound of jack white forms a buzzing piece of heartbreak. only neil, right?

only neil.

the "War" sample is iconic, and it makes you jump.

the "Wannabe" sample will make you writhe.

iconic, jamming guitar, and also wario. the spice girls, and also wario. yes. yes. this is it.

the following laughter brings back your childhood. elfman's work on the peewee soundtrack, peripatetic in nature, running up and down your ears as gorillaz croons a bittersweet sound. it becomes almost triumphant against the instrumental, re-energized like the monster in frankenstein's lab.

peewee is laughing. maybe we should laugh too.

the next one up is soft, plucked note by note, until alanis morisette goes completely off the deep end. the spoons, alanis.

holy shit, is that knight rider?

this mashup is classic, expertly remixed without a single hitch. it's neil at his finest, neil at his neiliest, alanis' quiet "Don't you think?" almost smug.

the sound of rain, followed by the crooning iconic "raiiiiin" is enough to make you break down. this is a blessing from an unknowable god.

two backstreet boys lines run up against each other, forming a surrounding sound that envelopes you in shaking guitar until the distorted sound in the back becomes noticeable.

there it is. there's the song you were waiting for.

your savior has arrived, and it is in a horrible form. it rises from the tomb in an unholy abomination. you fall to your knees.

"wake up."

i can't. i'm trapped here. i can feel every single one of my vertebra. i'm crying.

and then beethoven and britney make a duet.

"hit me baby one more time" runs along iconic dashing violin.

you start to hear it, and then it's there even more.

the hall of the mountain king, slowly building, the suspense enough to bring you to the edge of your seat. weezer's lyrics are pronounced like an oracle's prophecy, sardonic and yet grim, delivered with its iconic "say it ain't so" almost ironic.

then the crescendo hits, and the singing feels like it's declaring your fate. it rocks you, and never lets you still.

...and then there is the dial-up. you're staring at neil's face, and you realise the title itself has a secret. the starred letters spelled out "nice modem."

the screeching dial-up sound, and then nothing. you're sitting in the silence, with this quiet revelation.

he's carried you through the greatest adventure of your life, and then left you in the nothingness, tearing away a world that could only be imagined in the dreams of a 90s kid raised on the internet.

it's heartbreaking, but it mends every single tear of that vital organ. it's alright. neil's got you. this is his gift, this is his message.

he shares this dream with us, because it's the only piece of hope we can hold onto. someone else's dream, forged on childhood memories and ambition, woven together with years of experience until it culminates into an hour-long album of cultural mashup and musical blasphemy.

it brings tears to my eyes, and then wipes them off. it wants you to feel, it wants you to bleed, and then it wants you to heal. rejoice, says mouth dreams. rejoice. rejoice in what the world has given you.

you're going to be alright.

definitely, like, a solid 9/10. pretty good album. i think my favorite track was either brithoven or superkiller, tell me what yours was in the replies!

i can see new colors.

[jenniferwallters]

@knowseverythingaboutyou​   &&   meme

what doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead

     Jennifer shifted in her seat, fingers absentmindedly dragging he zipper of her SHIELD suit up and down along the same inch a few times. She’d been in the business long enough to completely understand where Hill was coming from, but at the same time... oof, Jennifer was maybe not really the right person to say these words to.      ‘You do realize that what didn’t kill me launched my career and was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me... right? I’m talking about the green business. In case I wasn’t being clear.’ She would have done a reveal of the sheer amount of merchandise that was out there of her alter ego Spongebob-style, but hey. Benefit of the doubt.      ‘So I know these things can be hard, but sometimes these changes happen and they can’t be reversed. The best we can do is to help people learn how to deal with what happened to them, and to make it a part of them they don’t hate. You know what I mean? So instead of “well it super sucked and it didn’t kill me but now my life is ruined”, maybe we should go for something more like... “well it super sucked but it’s a part of me now and I’ll learn how to use my gift beneficially”.’

[nico-drives-badly]

Pizza Delivery - DMC Edition

(A Parody of the Krusty Krab Pizza Episode from Spongebob)

[Episode begins in the Devil May Cry main office in Red Grave City, where Dante is messing around with a mop and bucket instead of actually cleaning the chairs]

Lady: Hurry up with those chairs, Dante! It's after closing! And I'd LIKE to go HOME!

[The phone rings.]

Dante: I GOT IT I GOT IT— [leaps for the phone, but Vergil answers it first, and Dante falls onto the floor]

Vergil: Hello? [listening to voice on the other end] Sir, I think you have the wrong num—

[Lady snatches the phone from Vergil]

Lady: Devil May Cry. How can I help you? [customer explains pizza order over the phone] Pizza? [suddenly remembers that Dante still owes her money and her eyes turn into dollar signs] Of course we have pizza!

Vergil: Lady—?!

Lady: Our delivery boy will bring it riiiight over. [cheerfully hangs up the phone]

Vergil: [flabbergasted] But Lady, we don't serve pizza!

[Lady grabs a leftover pizza box from Dante’s fridge and heats it up in the microwave. Then she slaps a “Devil May Cry” sticker over the original label.]

Vergil: [even more flabbergasted] We don't deliver!!

Lady: We don't deliver, but you do. [hands Vergil the pizza and starts to walk away]

Vergil: [runs after Lady] Can't you just get Dante to do it?!

Lady: Great idea! Take him with you.

[Dante finally stands up and slides over next to Vergil, giving him a troll-faced grin]

Vergil: [shouts after Lady as she departs] That's NOT what I had in mind!

[Scene changes to outside, where the Devil May Cry van is parked. Dante is checking the car while Vergil sits in the passenger seat.]

Dante: Front end...check! Antenna...check! Bumper...check! Bumper sticker... [gestures to bumper sticker that says "I Brake For Nuthin’, Deal With It Assholes"] ...check!

Dante: Tire pressure... [uncaps the tire pressure and puts his mouth in it like the dumbass he is, causing him to take in WAY too much air and start coughing and sputtering in Vergil’s face] ...check! All right, everything looks good!

Dante: [climbs into the driver’s seat] We're really making history here, Vergil. That lucky customer is (technically) going to get the first Devil May Cry Pizza ever! AND I can finally pay back Lady! Man, this is great. Why did I never think of this before?

Vergil: Whatever. Let’s just get this over with already.

[Dante starts to turn the ignition key, but then pauses suddenly.]

Dante: Wait a minute...I can't drive!

Vergil: What do you mean you can’t?! You literally drive a motorcycle!

Dante: Exactly! I only know how to drive a motorcycle! I never learned how to drive a van!

Vergil: [groans] Come on, Dante. It can’t be THAT different. Besides, it’s just around the corner.

Dante: Well, yeah, but—

Vergil: Just do what you do on a motorcycle.

Dante: Well, okay... [looks down at the gear shift and his mind goes completely blank] ...Wait, don't tell me.

Vergil: Back it up.

Dante: Huh?

Vergil: Back. It up.

Dante: Right. Back...it up... [grabs the stick shift and starts to pull it down, but he hesitates]

Vergil: Back it up!

Dante: OKAY OKAY!

Vergil: Shift into reverse, you fool!

Dante: ...Reverse? OH YEAH YEAH, REVERSE!

[Dante looks down at the gear shift, but the letters turn into random Japanese symbols in his mind.]

Vergil: BACK IT UP!

Dante: [suddenly shifts the car into reverse and floors it out of panic] Backing uUUUPPP! BACKING UP!!

Vergil: [desperately tries to grab the wheel from Dante as the van zips backwards at top speed] Give me the wheel, Dante! Give! Me! The! Wheel!!

Dante: Backing up! Backing up!

[The van roughly goes over a series of bumps]

Dante: Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack-i-i-i-i-i-ng u-u-u-up!

[Th van starts to spin in circles, leaving Dante and Vergil screaming.]

[The next morning, the van can be seen slowly emerging over the horizon, miles and miles away from their original location.]

Dante: Backing up...backing up...backing up...

[The van runs out of fuel and sputters to a stop in the middle of nowhere.]

Dante: ...Backing up.

Vergil: Well. You backed up. And you know what? [gestures to the empty fuel gauge] I think we're out of gas! And you know what else? [steps out of the van and screams into the abyss] WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!

Dante: [climbs out of the van with the pizza box in hand] And you know what else else? I think the pizza's getting cold.

Vergil: [sarcastically] OH, and the PIZZA’S cold? Oh, the pizza's COLD. Oooooh nooo, NOT the PIZZA! Oh, how could this get any WORSE—?!

[Vergil DTs and kicks the van’s bumper out of sheer frustration, which somehow fills the van back up with gasoline. The van starts to drive away into the distance without them, leaving Vergil standing in his SDT with his jaw hung open in shock]

Dante: Well...at least we can still deliver it on foot.

[Vergil narrows his eyes dangerously at Dante, but he reverts to his human form without another word.]

[Scene changes to Dante and Vergil walking on the side of the empty road. Vergil is griping with every step he takes, while Dante is singing terribly at the top of his lungs.]

Vergil: Ow, ow, ow...

Dante: 🎶 The DMC Pizza! Is the pizza! For you and me! The DMC pizza! Is the pizza—

Vergil: [interrupts Dante’s song in a mocking tone] 🎶—AND MY FEET ARE KILLING ME!

[Suddenly, Vergil trips over Dante, who is lying on the ground for hell-knows-what reason.]

Vergil: Dante? What are you doing?!

Dante: [rubbing the ground expertly] It's an old pioneer trick. I saw it in a movie once.

Vergil: Dante, this is no time for...!

Dante: [aggressively shushes Vergil] It's working!

Vergil: What is it?

Dante: Truck! Sixteen wheels! [points to an approaching semi-truck in the distance] Now I can show you how the pioneers hitchhiked.

[Dante whips out the Dr. Faust Hat and starts dancing in the road like an idiot.]

Dante: [weird hitchhiking noises] WheEeEeEeE eeeeeeeEEEE, yoooOOOOOUUUUuuuUuu WUWUWUUWEHEHEHE...

[Vergil sits on a rock and rattles a wooden spoon with an annoyed look on his face.]

Dante: [more hitchhiking noises] UUuuUuuUuAAYAYAYAYAYA GLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLG—

Truck Driver: [noticing Dante in the road] Crashin' frashin' break dancers! [honks his horn aggressively]

Vergil: He's stopping! He's stopping!

Truck Driver: [CLEARLY NOT STOPPING]

[Vergil suddenly realizes that he's not stopping and pulls Dante out of the way before he gets run over. The truck zooms past them, covering them in roadside dirt. Vergil glares scathingly at Dante, who gives him a nervous smile.]

[Scene changes to Dante and Vergil walking against a heavy wind.]

Dante: [still singing badly] 🎶 The DMC pizza! Is the pizza! For you and me! The DMC pizza—

[The wind changes direction and blows Vergil’s hair forward. Grimacing, Vergil tries to slick his hair back into place, but the wind messes it up again, much to his annoyance. Finally, Vergil just gives up and goes into SDT so he doesn’t have to deal with it.]

Dante: [doesn’t even notice and keeps singing] 🎶—is the pizza! Free de-li-ve-ry! The DMC pizza! Is the pizza! Very ta-a-sty!!

[All of a sudden, a random Qliphoth root springs up out of nowhere and grabs the pizza box. Dante refuses to let go, however, and he gets flung back and forth helplessly in the air as he tries and fails to fight it off.]

Vergil: Will you let go of that stupid pizza, already?

Dante: [still being flung around in the air] I can't! It’s for the customer!

Vergil: WHO CARES about the customer?

Dante: I DO!

Vergil: Well, I DON’T!

[The wind stops suddenly, as does the Qliphoth root, and Dante gasps at Vergil in disgust.]

Dante: D:< Vergil!

[The wind immediately picks back up again, and the Qliphoth root resumes flinging Dante around helplessly in the air.]

Vergil: Dante, we don’t have time for this foolishness! Let go of the pizza!

Dante: NO!

[The Qliphoth root sends Dante barreling straight into Vergil, knocking him off his feet.]

Vergil: OW! [grabs onto Dante’s legs as the Qliphoth continues to drag him around] Dante! Let go of the pizza!

Dante: No! It's for the customer!

Vergil: DANT-AYYY! LET GO OF THE PIZZA!

[The Qliphoth root lifts them high up in the air.]

Dante: NO!!

Vergil: DANTE— [looks down and suddenly realizes that they’re dangling over 100 ft in the air] HANG ONTO THE PIZZAAAA!

[The Qliphoth root finally lets go of them and flings them in a random direction, sending them both flying. Dante screams and falls flat on his face. Vergil technically could’ve broken his fall using his SDT wings, but he doesn’t think of that and instead falls flat on his face next to Dante, reverting to his human form in the process.]

Vergil: [slowly gets up and looks around in confusion] H-hey...where's the road? Where's the road?! [a random tumbleweed rolls by, sending Vergil into a panicked stupor while running around in circles] WE’RE DOOMED! HOW ARE WE GOING GET HOME NOW? WHICH WAY DO WE GO?

[Dante slowly gets up while Vergil continues to run around like an idiot.]

Vergil: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? THERE’S NO ROAD HERE!

Dante: Hm... [points in a seemingly random direction] I think town's this way.

Vergil: [stops dead in his tracks and rolls his eyes at Dante] Oh, don't tell me, Jethro. The pioneers?

Dante: That's right. [gestures to a mossy rock] Moss always points to civilization.

Vergil: That way? That way there?

Dante: [nods]

Vergil: So, let me get this straight...YOU think that WE should go THAT way?

Dante: [nods again] Yep.

Vergil: [turns around and starts walking in the opposite direction] Well, then I'm going this way.

Dante: Huh? Verg, wait! I don't think—

Vergil: Trust me, I KNOW where I am going.

[The camera pans out to show that Red Grave City was clearly in the direction Dante pointed towards, which means that Vergil definitely has no idea where he’s going.]

[Scene changes once again to Dante and Vergil walking, while Dante continues to belt out the DMC Pizza song at the top of his lungs.]

Dante: 🎶 The DMC pizza! Is the pizza! Absolu-tive-a-ly!

Dante: [beatboxing] 🎶 Boomboomboomboom PIZZA powpowkakachihchih PIZZA chihchihchoopapaaaaa—

Dante: [walking backwards while beatboxing] 🎶 Dododododo PIZZA dododoododododo PIZZA dodododooddodoooo—

Dante: [with soul] 🎶 D-M-C-aAaAayy-aaaAAAAaaAayy-aAaAayyy pi-zzaaaa! Is the pizza, ye-aaah, for you and— [awful-sounding falsetto that causes Vergil to visibly flinch] 🎶 MEE-EEE-EEeeEee-EEEEEEEE!

Dante: [dragging his feet tiredly] Pizza...for...you...the DM and...the C...and the... pizza insiiiide...

[Eventually, Dante and Vergil both collapse onto the ground in exhaustion.]

Dante: Verg...we gotta eat something.

Vergil: [sarcastically] I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat tumbleweed.

[Dante grabs a nearby tumbleweed and starts eating it savagely, chucking the pizza box aside. Thankfully, Vergil catches the pizza box right before it falls on the ground.]

Vergil: [notices how desperate Dante is and cracks a mischievous smile] No, no, wait...maybe it wasn't tumbleweed.

[Dante yelps and spits out the tumbleweed in disgust.]

Vergil: Maybe it was sand...no, mud—!

Dante: [sits up suddenly and grabs Vergil by the shirt collar] Gimme the pizza, Verg!

Vergil: [holds the pizza box defensively] WAIT I REMEMBER NOW IT WAS TUMBLEWEED!

Dante: Give me that pizza!

Vergil: No! We promised Lady that we’d give it to the customer!

Dante: OH, SO NOW YOU CARE ABOUT THE CUSTOMER!

Vergil: Dante, I am not going to risk MY life explaining to Lady that we can’t pay her back all because YOU got a little hungry! That pizza is for the customer, and that’s final!

[Dante pouts broodingly for a moment, but then he comes up with an idea...]

Dante: [cunning voice] Yeah, you're right. It's for the customer.

Vergil: [slightly confused] Uh...yeah...

Dante: Well, maybe we better check on it and make sure it's okay.

Vergil: [looks down at the pizza box reluctantly] Well...

Dante: [starts to open the box] C’mon, just a peek—

Vergil: [quickly snaps the box shut] OKAY IT’S FINE.

Dante: No, wait! I think I saw something!

[Dante opens the box fully, revealing a very appetizing pizza.]

Dante: Oh...nope. I was wrong. It looks okay. [nudges Vergil] Sure is a fiiine looking pizza, don’t you think? You definitely don’t have food like that down in Hell, huh?

Vergil: [falters] Yeah, you...certainly don’t...

Dante: And what’s that? Is that the cheese?

Vergil: [lip twitches slightly] Yeah...

Dante: And the pepperoni?

Vergil: [mouth starts watering] Yeah...!

Dante: [grins as Vergil starts savoring] Oh, looks good, huh?

[Vergil, suddenly realizing what Dante is trying to do, quickly snaps out of it and slams the pizza box closed.]

Vergil: WAIT A SECOND! I know what you're trying to do, Dante! I'm not letting you eat the pizza!

Dante: Give me the pizza, Vergil!

Vergil: No!

Dante: Don't make me take it away from you!

Vergil: Get AWAY!

[Vergil starts to run away while Dante chases after him.]

Dante: Get back here, Vergil!

Vergil: NO!

Dante: VERGIL!

Vergil: NO!

Dante: VER-GILLL!

Vergil: NO!

[Eventually, Dante starts to run out of energy and collapses due to exhaustion, while Vergil is still running around.]

Vergil: NO! NO—

[Vergil trips over Dante suddenly, falling flat on his face and dropping the pizza. Dante snatches the pizza while Vergil is distracted, but Vergil quickly pins him down and points Yamato threateningly at his chest.]

Vergil: Dante, I am NOT letting you eat this pizza! And you are going to hand it over to me, one way or another!

Dante: [points at something in the distance] Look, Verg, we're saved!

Vergil: Yeah, sure, we're saved. Now GIVE ME THE PIZZA!

Dante: No really, Verg! We’re SAVED! [starts jumping up and down in excitement] We're saved! We're saaaaaved!

Vergil: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?

Dante: [chanting to a conga beat] 🎶Sa-a-aved, sa-aved! Sa-a-aved, sa-aved! Saved, saved! Saved, saved! Savedsavedsavedsaved saved, saved!

Dante: [runs towards a boulder in the distance while still chanting] 🎶Savedsavedsavedsavedsaved, SAVED! Savedsavedsavedsavedsaved, SAVED! YES, we are SAVED!

Vergil: [furiously] But that’s just a stupid boulder!

Dante: It's not just a boulder...it’s a rock! A ROOOOCK!! It's a BIG! BEAUTIFUL! OLD! ROCK!! [rubs the side of the boulder affectionately] Ohhhh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for MILES! And it's in GREAT shape!!

Vergil: DANT-AYYY! WILL YOU FORGET THE STUPID PIONEERS? Haven’t you ever noticed that there are NONE of them left?! That's because they were LOUSY hitchhikers, ate TUMBLEWEED—

Dante: Actually, it was you who said they ate tumbleweed...

Vergil: [points Yamato at Dante again to shut him up] —and took directions from ALGAE!

[Dante climbs onto the boulder while Vergil continues to rant.]

Vergil: And nooow, you're telling me that they thought they could DRIVE...

[Dante somehow shifts the boulder into drive and runs over Vergil.]

Vergil: [flattened against the ground] ...rocks? [gets up and runs desperately after Dante] HOLD ON THERE, JETHRO!

[Scene changes to Dante parking the boulder in front of the customer’s house, with Vergil sitting on the rock next to him.]

Dante: [jumps off of the boulder and runs to the door] I cannot WAIT to see the look on our customer’s face! [excitedly rings the doorbell]

Customer: [answers door] Yeah?

Dante: Congratulations, sir. Your Devil May Cry Pizza is here!

Customer: Wow, thanks! I've been dying for one of these. I— [face falls suddenly] Where's my drink?

Dante: [confused] ...What drink?

Customer: [angry] My drink? My diet Dr. Pepper?? Don't tell me you forgot my drink!!

Dante: [fishes the order out of his pocket and checks it] But, you didn't order any—!

Customer: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS PIZZA WITHOUT MY DRINK?!

Dante: [dumbfounded] B-but Lady...! I-if I don’t pay her back, I’ll have t—!

Customer: Didn't you ever once think of the customer? [throws the pizza at Dante’s face] You call yourself a delivery boy?! Well, I ain't buying! [rudely slams the door]

[Dante walks back over to Vergil with a forced smile on his face.]

Dante: [eye twitches dangerously] He didn’t take the pizza.

Vergil: I’ll take care of this.

[Vergil grabs the pizza from Dante, storms up the stairs to the customer's house, and pounds on the door furiously.]

Customer: [answers the door again] Another one? Look, I told your friend over there, I ain't paying for that!

Vergil: [unsheathing Yamato] Well, this one's on the HOUSE!

[Camera sharply cuts to Dante, who flinches suddenly. Judgement Cut and Summoned Sword noises can be heard off-camera, as well as a petrified human scream, before Vergil finally walks back over to Dante, visibly covered in blood and holding the customer’s wallet in his hands.]

Dante: Did you...change his mind?

Vergil: [returns Yamato to its sheath while grinning smugly] Yep, he sure did. Ate the whole thing in one bite.

Dante: [counts the money in the wallet and perks up immediately] No drink?

Vergil: Nope. [jumps up onto the rock] Now, take me home.

Dante: [hops onto the rock and starts revving it up excitedly] Are you kidding? We have just enough time to make it back to Lady!

[Dante backs up the rock, and they instantly arrive at the Devil May Cry main office.]

Vergil: [eyes twitches dangerously] We‘re—?!

[Episode ends with the sound of Yamato impaling Dante’s chest as the screen quickly cuts to black.]

[queen-of-deans-booty]

He’s Not a Babysitter

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 1,726

Warnings: major fluff

Request by @voltage-my2dlove : Hii! I have been reading your supernatural master list! I loved it! Can I request Sam × Reader × Dean, where reader turns into toddler (can barely/little talk) due to some witch & looses her memory of being big, but trust Winchesters. So they take care of her for a week till other hunter take care of case. & When she is big again she doesn't remember anything about being small. Lots of fluff & cute, sweet and caring Sam & Dean please!? 

Summary: Not all witch curses can be a bad thing. Sometimes they bring the most joy to a family.

Squared Filled: De-Aged // Cooking Together

Author’s Note: This is also for @spnfluffbingo2019 and @spndeanbingo  respectively and this is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

“What do we do with her?” Sam asked his brother in a whisper.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re the one that took care of me as a baby. You’re telling me you don’t remember?”

“Dude, that was, like, a hundred years ago. Plus, have you met her? I’m surprised she’s not screaming her lungs out,” Dean replied as he watched you eat your food.

“Well, we have to do something. Rowena is looking for something that will help, and we can’t just leave her by herself.”

“Why not?” Dean shrugged.

“Dude,” Sam scoffed.

“Yeah, whatever. Look, we have to do something. She clearly doesn’t know who we are, and it’s not like we can just remind her without the risk of her crying. There is nothing in this Bunker that will entertain her.”

“There is us.”

“Man, I’m not a babysitter.”

“You are now,” Sam shrugged.

“More!!” you tried to yell as you slapped the table. Your talking wasn’t very good at your age. Sam scurried to give you some more Cheerios, terrified to upset you. As soon as he poured some more, you giggled and grabbed them before putting them in your mouth.

“All we have to do is keep her happy,” Sam said as he looked at his brother.

“Yeah, and how do you suppose we do that?”

“We can take shifts. I’m sure we can think of something. It won’t be hard to entertain her, and then we can--holy shit where did she go?” Sam asked as he looked back over to you.  Instead of seeing you eating happily, you were no longer at the table, and your Cheerios were everywhere.

“Y/N?” Dean asked as he panicked, looking underneath the table to see where you might have gone to.

“Y/N!” the younger brother called out. The Bunker was silent as they tried to hear your bare feet slapping on the concrete floor, but they didn’t hear that. A few moments passed until they heard your giggle come from the library. Both brothers scrambled to the room, and they saw you trying to run to the hallway.

“Get back here!” Sam said playfully, and you screamed in surprise as you tried to run faster. Sam had the biggest grin on his face as he caught up to you, and he scooped you into his arms. Dean watched with a small smile at your small form, and he caught himself wishing that Rowena would take her sweet tie in finding you a cure. While on a witch case, you had been hit with a powder which caused you to de-age from 34 years old to 10 months old. They had no clue how to change you back, but the witch did. So, while she was out trying to find a cure, they were supposed to take care of you in the meantime.

“I think this will be easy,” Sam smiled as you leaned your head on his chest.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Dean muttered as he lowered himself into the bathtub. The only way you would even get into the water is if he was in it with you. He didn’t think any harm would come out of doing this with you considering you might not remember it when you changed back to normal. So far, you have not given either brother a reason to think you knew them or anything from your life which was good. Child you was so much more innocent and fun to play with without the burden of the Hunter’s lifestyle weighing on your shoulders.

Reaching for the bubble bottle, you tried to grab it with your tiny hands, but Dean was much faster than you. He grabbed the bottle away from your grasp, and you jutted out your bottom lip as tears began forming in your eyes.

“No, don’t cry. Here, look at the bubbles,” he said as he poured practically the whole bottle into the water. Bubbles immediately started forming, and the sad look disappeared from your face as a happy one replaced it. Baby babbles escaped your mouth as you played with the bubbles, and Dean smiled widely in response. He does remember taking care of his little brother when he was this age, so he relished in the new change.

Your arms spasmed and they splashed the water causing bubbles to go everywhere, including on you and Dean.

“Oh, so you want a bubble war?” he asked as he scooped up some of the bubbles. You didn't know what he said, but by his tone, you knew it was something playful. Squealing out in laughter, you and Dean played with the bubbles until the water grew cold.

“Do you know what this says?” Sam asked as he held you close to his body as you stood on his lap. He had books laid out in front of him, and you leaned over the table before slapping the open books.

“Bla-bbabe-babbababa,” you spoke baby language as you tried to read the text.

“Yes, that’s right,” Sam laughed. Dean was taking a nap, so it was his turn to play with you. He didn't think putting you in front of a bunch of books would be entertaining, but you two have been at this for a while now, so he took what he could get.

“Mama-blabamabla,” you continued to speak as you looked over the books. Sam sat back with his hands on your waist to keep you steady on his thighs while you kept yourself busy with the books.

“Okay, now we need the flour,” Dean said as he reached for the container. When it was his turn again, he wanted to try something different and thought making a pie would be a fun way to pass the time. You were seated on the counter so that he didn’t have to try and hold you while making the pie, so when he started pouring the flour, you crawled over to him and began slapping the white substance.

“No, you’re going to make a mess,” Dean sighed. Grabbing at the flour, you began throwing it in the air, and Dean knew at the moment, he wouldn’t be making a pie anymore. He dodged the flying flour so that none of it went on his skin or clothes. Giggling, you stood up and began stomping in it, loving the little footprints you left. Dean knew you would make a mess of everything, but he didn’t expect you to start throwing flour at him. As soon as it landed on his face, you laughed very loudly. Dean wanted to be mad, but the way you were smiling and laughing, he couldn’t find a mad bone anywhere in his body.

Everything whizzed by you in a blur as Sam ran around the Bunker with you on his shoulders. His right hand held onto your right hand and his left hand kept your left thigh steady on his shoulder. He didn’t want you falling and knew you wouldn’t by the way he was holding you. Your laughs only prompted him to go faster, and with your left hand, you slapped his head.

“You like that?” Sam laughed as he ran. All he got in response was your infectious laughter.

The brothers grabbed your hands and lifted you off the ground before swinging you back and forth. The smile on your face never left, and you felt yourself trusting them more and more. They loved you with all their hearts, and they couldn’t bear to watch a frown form on your face which is why they spend nearly all week trying to keep that smile.

The brothers continued to swing you, and you continued to laugh which caused them to laugh.

“Is she asleep?” Sam whispered as the movie played on. To settle down, they had decided to put on the Spongebob Movie for you to watch, but as soon as you got comfortable in between the large men, you had immediately fallen asleep. Dean dared to look at you, and when he saw your eyes closed, he relaxed slightly.

“Yeah, she is.”

“Man, this week has been surprisingly fun,” Sam chuckled.

“Yeah, it has been,” Dean muttered. He knew he was going to miss you at this age, but he wanted you back to normal as well. If this week taught him anything, it’s that he wants to be the reason you had a smile on your face. His brother could see how hard he was trying, and he knew he had to man up and tell you how he felt about you before it was too late.

“We should get her to bed,” Sam said before the metal door opened and closed, and heels clacking on the stairs as whoever entered walked.

“Boys?” Rowena called as she looked for them.

“In here,” Dean called out. The witch appeared with a book in hand, and she looked at your sleeping form in between them.

“Did you find something?” Sam asked.

“Yes, I found a spell that will reverse the effects,” she said as she made her way over to you. She wasted no time in reciting the spell, but when she was done, nothing happened.

“Why didn’t she back to normal?” Dean asked.

“It will take time. In the morning, she will be herself again.”

“Thanks for doing this,” Sam said.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” she said before leaving the Bunker.

“I guess, all we have to do is wait,” Dean said as he gently lifted you into his arms without waking you.

What the hell was pressed up against you? Opening your eyes, you looked to your left to see Dean snugly fit your back.

“Dean?” you whispered as you nudged him. He moaned in protest and nuzzled his head into your hair.

“Hmm?”

“What the hell are you doing in my bed?”

“What?” he shot awake, looking down at you. He was relieved to see that the spell worked, and you were now back to your normal self. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Killing that witch in Sacramento. What the hell happened?”

“Nothing,” he sighed as he placed his head back down on the pillow and pulled you closer to his body. “Just don’t ever change again. I love you just the way you are.”

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[fusselmietz]

The sad part about Eldarya

Eldarya could've been a great game. I remember the teasers for it and was pretty hyped. A fantastic world that needs saving and is falling apart? A destined heroine with a mysterious lineage with a connection to an powerful oracle? Hostile creatures and problems within the world with moraly Grey characters? I was on board! The first few episodes give me some wierd vibes, but I thought: "Well its just the Frist three episodes. Maybe I need time to get into it. Maybe the story is more of a slow burn." I was pretty annoyed withe the treatment of Guardy aka Erika. Most of the guards treated her like shit, wich was tolerable at first because they didn't trust her yet. I was confused that everyone except Jamon has mostly human features and yet they bullied Erika for being human, but I just write at of as a conventional attractive character design choice. I mean Ez and Nevra have pointy ears, Miiko has a tail and fox ears, but Valkyon (whose route I followed at first) looks like a regular, muscular human. So I don't really get it? However, that was just a dumb little thing that only bothered me. After 8 episodes or so the story didn't really go anywhere. I thought the focus would lie on finding the crystal pieces, like in Inuyasha of some sorts, and we had two of them in the first episodes. Then the focus shifted more on helping the people of eldarya wich was fine to me. But the longer I played the more problems came up. I haven't warmed up to any of the LIs by now, since I follow the cute shy boy route in other games, so I hoped that Kero would have been an option. But even if I didn't really enjoy the LIs I could enjoy the would of EL right? Well, as many people wrote much more detailed as I ever could: The lore of El is complicated, confusing and broken. Especially the food issue and the stuff with the humans. It got so bad, that the players have to ignore this stuff so that the world and story could still function. In its defense: Harry Potter had his fair share of plot holes too, but the story and characters where so enjoyable and awesome that everyone, including me, looked past it. I was willing to do it for EL, but it wasn't so easy. Instead of ignoring the dumb stuff they wrote themselves into a corner with, they bring it up again and again, twitching it slightly trying to make sense. However, this can not work. EL, as a world, has to be coherent and functioning in itself. You can't retcon the rules in the universe, like in SpongeBob or another silly feel good cartoon, it takes more of an Last Airbender approach to story telling. If you establish a rule in this universe, you have to follow through with it. It is there. One thing plays into the other. If they would ignore it, maybe the players would forget about it and if it had been just a one time thing, I wouldn't be so harsh in it. However, the plot holes are so extreme, that the world is completely broken. Many people wrote essays about it, better than I ever could, so I won't repeat how stupid the whole food issue is. The worst problem, however, started in the now infamous episode 13. I was actually excited after learning what happened. What a horrible, yet brave move from the writers! I've never seen something like this in an otome before and was totally on board for the drama. I remembered thinking: "Oh God! What will Erika do now? Will she go Rouge and betray the guard? Will she join the humans and find a way home? Will she ever reverse the potion effect? Will she explore this hostile world and gain new LIs and allies? Will she join the masked man? Will there be a civil war in El? Is all lost?!" But then she just slapped some characters and locked herself into her room, later reluctanty forgiving anyone. I can't describe my disappointment and that was the reason why I stopped playing and just watch let's plays or reading post on tumblr. The writers had such an interesting concept with many possible plot threads and they choose the most boring one. Until this day I'm convinced that they thought the potion thing wouldn't be a big deal and they weren't prepared for the backslash that lasts until today. They could retconned it if they want to. Bringing up some kind of antidote or maybe it turns out it was all a bluff. It wouldn't been great, but it's something. I don't understand why they couldn't make Erika travel between those worlds or why she has to be a human in the first place. Why not make her a citizen of EL with an unclear heritage, maybe an orphan, who wants to join the guard? So many problems could've been avoided. Now it seems the story goes nowhere, the pacing is all over the place. Either everything happens at once or nothing at all happens (except for Erika and her LI doing the devils tango ~). It seems the writers wanted everything at once. They wanted a destined heroine with a connection to ELs version of a deity, yet they constantly set her up to fail. They wanted a rich world with detailed lore, yet they didn't bother to check their own work and be coherent with their own rules. They wanted a huge cast of characters, yet they couldn't handle all of them and now kill them off one by one. They wanted moraly Grey characters, yet they write them despicable with no real redemption arc. They wanted a dark and mature world, yet they abdone the most interesting story threads and focus an shock value and sex. This game could have been so good and unlike most otome games on the market, but now it's just an generic fantasy game, that confuses players more that it entertains them. I really wanted to like this game, honestly. And if you like it, that's great! I'm happy you can enjoy it and I don't want to take the fun away from you. However, I couldn't hold my disappointment in after learning what the new episode has to offer and needed to get this off my chest.

[unwcvering]

‘ just get outta here you stupid , dumb animal! ‘ // but what if it were 'reversed' B)

spongebob starters || accepting@minispear

( since i forgot to reply to your message; you get both ;)) )

smol yelling at the smol

       “What did I say?!” Stowed away in the corner of the library, the young Caster had preoccupied himself with a rather large pile of books at one of the tables. His time as a mere human might have been spent the same way, tucking himself in secluded places of the Clock Tower to avoid being bothered; it was no different in Chaldea. Hearing the quiet skittering of plush hands trying to scamper up the chair beside him, Waver lifted his book to peer down, only to slam it on the table. “No, no!” Couldn’t he have a little bit of time to himself?! He didn’t need some weird looking doll disturbing him. Placing a hand on Mini Cu’s face, Waver gave him a gentle push from the edge of the chair, hoping it would get his message loud and clear. “Just get out of here you, you stupid dumb animal!” 

tol yelling at the bigger tol 

       Tired and worn from the last mission, El-Melloi II shuffled over his feet while he lit his cigar, not paying too much mind to the other Servants walking beside him. They must have been eager to retire to their own devices just as much as himself. He assumed as much when it was the only thing he wanted to do. Return to his room and shut everything else away for a short while, picking up where he had left off in his game and finish his smoke. It was his ideal when he had nothing else to preoccupy his time, but as his plans for the day fell into place, the Caster came crashing to the floor. “Fuck… what the hell?” Sprawled out on the floor, he shifted onto his back and eyed the tail belonging to a certain Berserker. Idiot. “Keep that damn thing to yourself! You fool, you tripped me!” True, he hadn’t been paying that close attention to mind what was on the floor, but that was aside from the point. Waving an angry hand at the other, no time was wasted as he snatched up his cigar. “Go on! Get out of here, you stupid, dumb animal!” 

[klahadores]

the ex friend became the most basic boring white girl housewife after she and i stopped being friends. she’d also now call the guys i like ugly (she dated at least one black person before but she would still say low key racist stuff while dating them) just on the basis that most of the guys i match on dating websites are non-white. also i’m surprised at how easy driving was. i wasn’t anxious like i thought i was and i thought my cousin would be more impatient with it but he had me redo reversing out of a parking spot multiple times because i kept going too fast. and (this part is nsfw so read with that in mind) he was telling me how to shift gears and i kept just yanking it around and he said to think of it like a hand job as if that would help me figure out how to stop yanking it into drive and then i told my friend and she said “yeah i feel sorry for any guys you hook up with” so i not only learned how to drive but also i need to stop firmly grasping things. that spongebob episode had an impact on me.

she became the life, laugh, love white girl huh. wow, this girl isn't even trying to coverup her racism so gross 🤢 also parking is so hard like if the place only has parallel parking, i will simply not go there. AJKSDJASKDJKASJDSADSLAJ DAMN THE PUBLIC MF CALLOUTTTT FROM YOUR FRIEND HELLLOOOOASJDKASJKLDASLKDASL NAURRR THIS MADE ME LAUGHHHH HELPPPASJKDSAJKLDJKS

[frozendoorgaming]

Morning Mist #64

Announcements, Releases, Trailers

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare is already here

SpongeBob: Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated Remake Gets Expensive Shiny, FUN Editions

Shred humans as a blobby flesh monster in "reverse horror" game Carrion's new demo

Another Five Games Join Apple Arcade

One Punch Man: A Hero Nobody Knows trailer introduces Metal Bat and The Tank Topper Army

Monster Hunter World: Iceborne gets a PC trailer and a January release date

Ambitious sci-fi MMO Seed will launch a 'narrative prequel' alpha next year

Embattled Starbreeze resurrecting Payday 2, despite officially ending development last year

Inside Star Citizen shows off its procedurally generated space stations and food courts

Romance Of The Three Kingdoms 14 marches onto PC in February

Crawl creators announce noir thriller The Drifter

Grid Autosport: an excellent racer transitions beautifully to Switch

Milestones, Industry

Voting opens for the Golden Joystick Game of the Year 2019 Award

Vote for your favorites in the Future Tech Readers Choice Awards

Here’s where top gaming VCs are looking for startup opportunities

Epic Games sue tester for “spoiling” Chapter 2

20,000 toxic CS:GO players banned in six weeks by FACEIT and Google's new chat AI

Google to launch multiple game studios for Stadia exclusives, but 'huge new IP' is several years out

George Ziets Co-founds New Studio, Digimancy Entertainment

Ubisoft CEO admits they blew it with Breakpoint

Pokemon Centre London continues to see Gigantamax queues, sets earlier closing times

Deals, Freeware

Two Point Hospital gets spooky and cheap for Halloween

Pokémon Sword & Pokémon Shield Double Pack (Plush Key Chain Gifts with Preorder) $120

Price Drop at Best Buy on Steven Universe: Save the Light/OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes Bundle

Free $25 Best Buy Gift Card when you spend $99 or more on select PS4 and Xbox games on disc

Layers of Fear, QUBE 2 currently free on the Epic Games Store

Best ultra-light mouse 2019: 10 lightweight gaming mice for FPS gaming

Walmart Offers Discounts on Xbox Wireless Controllers Ahead of Black Friday

Save $80 on an MSI 32-inch curved 4K Monitor from Newegg's big weekend sale

Get a free PS4 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare with a Sony Xperia phone

Astellia Online runs a pair of free trial weekends

Citadel: Forged with Fire offers a rough plan for post-launch updates and goes free-to-play this weekend

Information

It looks like EA is coming back to Steam

Steam now asks players if they want to revise their user review after hours of play

Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare Beginners Guide - 12 Tips To Help You Succeed

2K promises patches for the disastrous WWE 2K20 as the glitch clips continue

Bethesda acknowledge parts of Fallout 76's subscription service are broken

Apex Legends' big Charge Rifle nerf is now live

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare has a special message for players who keep shooting the baby

Pokemon GO Players Accidentally Get Access To A Feature They Want, And Then It Gets Taken Away

The Outer Worlds PC requirements and how to get the best performance

You can make The Outer Worlds' tiny text bigger with an INI tweak

Grab a new Shift code for Borderlands 3 before it expires Saturday

Etc

Check out some new images from The Witcher series on Netflix

The Game Archaeologist: A brief history of Multi-User Dungeons

5 Survival Horror Games To Scare Yourself With This Halloween (& 5 To Make You Laugh Afterwards)

How to be a pro gamer: A glimpse down the esports talent pipeline

Video games in China: beyond the great firewall

Lawful Neutral: What’s China really worth to the Western gaming industry?

As the Fallout 1st disaster hits the mainstream, Fallout 76 players head in-game to protest

[themattress]

This quote rings true.  Things should not stay the same and stagnate, stories and media should take risks and do new things.  BUT there’s also a fine balance here, and an opposite extreme - sometimes things change for the worse and those changes should be walked back when that becomes apparent.  However, many immediately decry such sentiments as people having “nostalgia goggles” or being stuck in the past when they should just blindly accept the present and future even when it’s not very good.  This is foolish, and I agree with the quote above: if something new and different is detrimental to the work, then the course should be reversed back to what worked before.  In fact, this has even happened in many past cases. 

Disney - Following the Disney Renaissance ending in 1999, Disney took a sudden shift toward the cynical and “hip”, particularly following the success of Dreamworks’ Shrek. Fantasia 2000, Dinosaur, The Emperor’s New Groove, Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, and Chicken Little were all affected to varying degrees.  The most successful film in this period was Lilo & Stitch...oddly enough, the only one to be completely emotionally sincere. Thanks to John Lasseter stepping in following Michael Eisner’s ousting, Disney gradually returned to its old, traditional emotional sincerity, sparking a new renaissance.

Star Wars - The notorious prequels drove Star Wars into a rut, and while the animated The Clone Wars series ultimately improved, it didn’t absolve the Old Republic fatigue many fans were feeling for well over a decade.  After Disney’s purchase of the franchise, it returned to the Original Trilogy era with its Rebels animated series, Rogue One movie, and various books and comics, plus moving forward into a whole new era with a new film trilogy, although even that - for better or for worse - is heavily linked to the Original Trilogy and its aesthetics. 

Star Trek - After a good start with the 2009 reboot film, Star Trek took a bad turn with the sequel, Stark Trek Into Darkness, which bore slim resemblance to anything Star Trek...except for, needlessly and insultingly, The Wrath of Khan. With Star Trek Beyond, however, the ship was righted, the previous film completely forgotten about, and things felt like they should again, with the crew exploring new worlds and going where none has ever gone before.

Pokemon - This one is weird, since its a double-twist example. With Gen V, the games took a different route with new innovations based more toward casual gamers, and became more story-focused than before. This drew a considerable backlash from the more hardcore gamer community, and so they returned to the older style but with new, hardcore gamer-oriented gimmicks in Gen VI.  But then, Gen VII happened and the franchise moved back toward the Gen V-style of casual gamer-oriented stuff and a heavier focus on story, so it seems Gen VI didn’t pan out like the developers had hoped, and the Gen V route was really the way to go.

This also happened with the anime.  After a decade of stagnating formulaic writing, the staff used the Gen V series to return to the original style of the original Kanto series, before Pokemon became a huge phenomenon and the writers’ creativity became limited as a result. Again, this drew an outcry from the vocal minority of hardcore fans who like the other style for some unfathomable reason, and so they switched back to that style in the Gen VI series. But then, with the Gen VII series, they’ve once again gone closer to the original Kanto series style, complete with a movie based on the first episode of the Kanto series and Ash’s original traveling companions Misty and Brock returning for a while. Not surprising - fans may have loved the Gen VI series, but it was a ratings bomb in Japan among the target audience.

Digimon - I’m naming this because it’s an example of this process FAILING.  After the series had a string of lackluster outings - Frontier, Savers, and (especially due to its third season) Xros Wars - Digimon returned to its roots, going back to the Adventure-verse with Digimon Adventure TRI.  This was a good idea, but its execution has failed for three reasons - it’s being done as a series of OVA movies rather than as a TV show like it should have been, it writes out all Digimon Adventure 02 elements it doesn’t like including the new main characters from that series, and it has increasingly become fixated on the new Creator’s Pet duo of Meiko and Meicoomon at the detriment of the original main characters it was supposedly going to be all about.  It’s a trainwreck, and I’m ready for it to end at this point.

Ben 10 - This one’s obvious.  Man of Action’s original series featuring the 10-year old version of Ben was a huge success, but then Cartoon Network took them off the franchise and forced a time skip, and none of the teen Ben sequels got anywhere close to the original’s worldwide acclaim.  And so, they finally wised up and let Man of Action return with a rebooted series following 10-year old Ben again, which improved after a shaky start and now toy commercials that feel like they would have fit in 2006 are airing on TV once more. It’s a good feeling.

Spongebob Squarepants - Stephen Hillenburg and Derek Drymon left after the movie that followed the third season, and the show devolved into a banal, mean-spirited mess afterward. Thankfully, Hillenburg has returned to the show recently and is doing an admirable job setting things right, with the recent episodes and especially the Sponge Out Of Water movie being entertaining on the level of the show in its glory days. The question is: how long will it last?

Sonic the Hedgehog - Two words: Sonic. Mania.  After years and years of fail after fail from 3D Sonic, Sega paired with Christian Whitehead to finally, truly resurrect 2D Sonic, in a game that feels like it comes fresh off of Sonic 3 & Knuckles in the mid-90s, and it is awesome.  It’s clear that Sonic does not work nearly as well as a talking 3D character with a vast supporting cast and increasingly complicated stories as he does as a silent 2D protagonist with a select few friends and enemies, starring in games that are light on plot. I’m sorry, it’s just true.

DC Comics - DC was struggling for some time as it was, but the New 52 was a particularly disastrous move on their part. You could count the stand-out good comics from that initiative on one hand - two if you’re being really generous. Now that the New 52 has been set back, things are starting to get better.  Even their movie output now has a new hopeful future thanks to the success of Wonder Woman.  They’d better keep to this path, it’s working.

Spider-Man - Even the property that sparked this quote has seen this happen, just this year, in fact. First off, after Sam Raimi’s original film trilogy concluded, Sony rebooted the film franchise solely so that they could keep the rights, and made their Amazing Spider-Man films more edgy in tone and more in line with whatever their marketing department decided was hip and in at the time. They bombed, and Sony made a deal with Marvel, leading to Spider-Man: Homecoming which feels more in line with the spirit of Spider-Man, albeit updated for modern times.  And then, Disney ended its mostly horrendous Ultimate Spider-Man show, replacing it with a new show that, again, feels more in line with the spirit of Spider-Man, closer to the ‘90s show and The Spectacular Spider-Man, and it is perfectly entertaining. 

So yeah, sometimes new and different isn’t always good.

Sometimes, older is best.

[magnumbill]

Maggy’s 2008 SpongeBob Reviews - A Chronicle of Teenage Anger and Cringe

Alright, time for me to open the archives and show you guys some dumbassery from my younger days. As many people know, I’m a contributor on the Annotation Station and one of the things we like to talk about and make fun of are cartoon reviewers who get extremely upset and personally offended by every little thing they review.  They also like to take on shows like Spongebob and Family Guy and chronicle their declines in a very whiny and fanboyish manner. The hilarious thing is: I used to be one of these people.

Between February and July of 2008, I wrote a long series of then-modern SpongeBob reviews for a Facebook group I created to talk about how awesome old SB was and how shit it was at that point.  The group was made in December 2007 after some high school friends and I talked about the decline of the show at our lunch table.  I wrote these reviews in a series of message board posts back when Facebook actually had message boards.  People seemed to really enjoy them, so I kept writing them.  I also spent a lot of time on the SpongeBob TV.com forums and I even posted at least one of the reviews to the site.  However, my obsession eventually got to the point where my dad intervened and told me I shouldn’t be obsessing over a show meant for 8-year-olds (and considering I’m now an annotator, I haven’t exactly learned that lesson), thus stopping the reviews. After walking away from SB reviews, I kinda came to the conclusion that it wasn’t gonna get better and that I should just walk away.  Years later, I did watch MoBros and Mr. Enter respectively just to see how deep the rabbit hole went, but I eventually grew out of those as well.  Today, I don’t really give a shit.  I still think the show began to suck after a while, but I rarely think about it anymore and I’m not interested in rewatching them to see if I was wrong.  All I really need is my childhood nostalgia for the first three seasons and Spingebill poops.  I’ve heard the new episodes are actually pretty good now, so that’s a plus.

So just to for you to laugh at my 16-year-old self’s stupidity and to get a glimpse of people bitching about SpongeBob’s decline before it became a popular subject on YouTube, here are the reviews I wrote for that Facebook group all those years ago. 

I should point out that many of the opinions I express in these reviews I no longer stand by.  I was a dumb teenager attending an all-boys Catholic high school mostly populated by jocks, so there’s a lot of me praising low-brow humor, saying some really ignorant shit about homosexuals, and bashing science for some reason.  I’ve changed a lot in the 9 years since these were first written and the internet was a different kind of place in 2008 (pretty much every mainstream internet reviewer was throwing gay jokes left and right), so please keep that in mind.  I also wasn’t allowed to say certain curse words on Facebook thanks to my folks, so expect some pseudo-swears and asterisks.

So without further ado, here are the reviews.

Ok, I'm going to try to review all of the episodes from season 4 to season 5. Ok, here i go.

Fear of a Krabby Patty- This episode is ok. The plotline was recycled from The Graveyard Shift, except it lasts 43 days instead of one night. Plankton's plan seemed like a gamble and overcomplicated, while other episodes follow the process of him just grabbing a patty and running off. Oh, and you never question where someone got a piano. They just found one, end of story.

Shell of a Man- Again, ok, but not great. It wouldn't kill them to use the word "masculine" instead of "manly". Spongebob's Krabs impression about Pearl needing an operation was awesome, though.

Lost Matress- This episode seemed repetitive. Does it seriously take someone that long to kick Krabs out of the hospital for lack of insurance. Also, Squid's third plan was utter crap, he just wanted to see SB and Patrick get killed. Normally, I'd see this as totally appropriate for his character, except he's at the risk of going to jail. Also, they had no right to censor the word "murder." It was already said in Nasty Patty. Even today, Nick doesn't censor that.

Krabs vs. Plankton- First of all, Spongebob isn't licensed to be a lawyer. Second, Plankton didn;t have a lawyer. Third, Plankton's been trying to steal that damn formula for 28 years and SB JUST FIGURES OUT NEAR THE END that he needs to use that fact against him.

Skill Crane- Again, usual S4 errors like lack of humor, repetitiveness, etc. It was ok, but the biggest problem is the unnecessary censorship. Cartoon characters over the years are seen playing slot machines, so if they used the skill crane as a gambling censorship, then that's bupkiss. One could argue that the crane takes more strategy than a slot machine, so my point may be null and void, you decide. Also, in Squilliam Returns, Squilliam has a balloon/casino.

Good Neighbors- Oh my god, where do I begin? How about how TOTALLY GENERIC THE PLOT LINE IS!? All that happens is that Squidward is slowly driven to insanity, and no matter what he does, those two dumbasses won't get off his case. Usually, SB and Patrick annoying Squidward leads to the main story, but here it IS the main story! The Good Neighbors Club thing is stolen from Club Spongebob, as well as reuse of jokes from past episodes, mainly using a joke from Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost as a running gag. (No, the other thing) Also, Squidward did not deserve to be punished at all, and even if he did, he wouldn't get community service for the rest of his life, he'd get it until the town was repaired. What Squid should've done was do what he did in Opposite Day and try to run over and kill those two mothertruckers. Also, a kid told me this was his FAVORITE EPISODE! See what this episode is doing to people!?

[For context, I took a camp counseling job at my old elementary school a year prior and heard the opinion from one of the kids.  Looking back, I think he and several others were trolling me.]

Selling Out- This episode was extremely bland and it's only purpose is to show kids what really is in fast food. Also, we already know Krabs loves money, so you don't need to sing a song about it.

Funny Pants- This episode is basically Fools in April without the holiday theme. Seriously, Spongebob must be pretty damn stupid to laugh at a mild sarcastic joke for 2 days straight. Also, just because ONE episode has Sandy going on a scientific expedition to the moon, the creators decide to dump her original character and make her a 24/7 scientist. This trend will carry on for the remainder of the series, I kid you not.

MM&BB VI- Worst MMBB episode ever. Any idiot can tell Patrick did not have the lens cap on the whole time. Also, how did they get away with stuffing a boom mike in MM's mouth? Ren and Stimpy tried that same joke and got in trouble for it! Oh well, at least they added one adult joke in there.

Enemy-In-Law - Let us take a minute to explain how regular attraction works. A man is supposed to fall in love with a female of his age group. Plankton's probably about 30, and Mama Krabs is about 60-70. Who does he think he is, Anna Nicole Smith? Also, Plankton's robot dating Mama Krabs, that's just not normal.

Patrick Smartpants- It's ok, but again, it lacks humor. Also, Spongebob clearly pointed out the wrong area where Patrick's head was. It was close to the cliff, but Spongebob says it's about 30 feet away from the cliff, and Patrick says it's 50 meters farther away from that and it ends up being there! Brain coral is real, but it's shaped like a brain, not a standard coral. Learned that from Hoch's class.

SquidBob TentaclePants- This plot has been done before, and the only thing that makes this different from any generic teleportation plot (which I'm basing of that episode of Dexter's Lab) is the clarinet recital thing.

Have You Seen This Snail?- This episode actually had it's good moments. It's one of those few moments in season 4 where Patrick is funny. However, those scenes with Gary and Grandma didn't add to the episode are were just there to kill the required 22 minutes needed to make the special. "Earlier today at the craft store, I SAW...THESE HUGE BAGS OF BALSA WOOD! THEY WERE AWESOME!"

Dunces and Dragons- A lot of people hate this episode, but I think it's tolerable. It could've been better, like have the dragon be defeated in a different way. This episode does show how the Krabby Patty was made, and it fits the story told in Enemy-In-Law where Krabs said it was old family recipe. Again, same problem, lack of humor, but at least it isn't as repetitive.

Krusty Towers- This episode was actually pretty good. It was funny, it had a certain charm to it, and in some ways, it felt like a real Spongebob episode. I have no real complaints about this episode. If you play it in reverse, I hear Squidward yells "EAT SHIT!" They need to put that in a real episode with shit being censored by a sound effect. Instant classic.

Mrs. Puff, You're Fired- It was ok, the humor has improved a little bit. However, it follows the same formula as all of the other episodes (except Krusty Towers) where the climax doesn't really happen until near the end.

Ghost Host- If you remember in Shanghied, Patrick destroyed the Dutchman's ship many times, and it instantally got repaired, but here, he has to call roadside assistance. I thought the Power Within video was pretty cool, because it shows that if Spongebob was an animated series on land, it could be visually be as good as anime. Also, Squid has seen the Dutchman, like, 5 times already, so he has no right to be pulling this "don't believe in ghosts" crap. chimps ahoy- I think the reason they changed Sandy's character was to come up with more plotlines to add to the number of genres an episode can have. This episode was ok, though it's basically Texass with monkeys. It just seems like a normal S4 episode with attempts at humor and an ok storyline. Episode Ripoffs: Texas- the whole episode basically. Hell, they even have sandy singing. Suds- Patrick impersonating a doctor/professor was taken from when patrick impersonated a doctor. Whale of a Birthday- This episode was clearly made for little girls who think they're the shit. it does have good moments, like squidward trying to sing that song but failing (it's really funny in fast-motion). other than that, it's average. Episode RO's- Squeaky Boots- Krabs ruining Pearl's parties with his cheapness. It actually ties well with this episode where Krabs got her $2 boots...THAT SQUEAKED! The Chaperone- A bunch of fish from that episode come back in this episode. By the way, Billy Fishkin is not the blue fish with black hair, he's the fish with the brown afro. But like anyone's gonna notice/care. Karate Island- Not deserving of being the #1 episode or even getting its own DVD. This episode is all cheap action, but no humor whatsoever. The three bosses Sandy faces aren't even using real karate moves. Also, this episode shows footage of 2 trains colliding at one point. If you remember in the episode "Procrastination", there was a scene where a live-action drag car wiped out, but the scene got cut out. I think a train collision is more severe than a drag car crash. C'mon, Nick, make up your mind! Do you want live-action vehicle destruction or not? All That Glitters- This episode was stupid because the spatula was being treated as if it were a human being. Also, the frickin thing even comes to life near the end! Yes, I am aware that in Born Again Krabs, the bad patty came to life, but that was meant to be a joke, this episode they just give the spatula a life for no reason. I did like the scene where Spongebob killed the pirate, that was epic. Wishing You Well- This episode is actually pretty good. It's got some decent humor, not as strong as the old ones, but still enough to keep you interested. I actually liked the 2 songs Spongebob sung, the lyrics are OK, but the rhythm and instrumentals were top-notch. New Leaf- This episode is simply a showcase on how far Plankton is willing to go to get the formula. The episode is void of humor though, and it just seems to run on and on and on. There is one memorable quote though, and that is, of couse, "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!" -Plankton. Episode RO's- F.U.N- It's basically that episode except with Krabs being the victim. Once Bitten- It's clear that they put a little more work into this episode. I like the Mad Snail Disease thing, because it rips off a fictional disease in our real world. However, it seems too repetitive. They say something about MSD, scream bloody murder, and run. Patrick is also WAY too smart in this episode. He actually sounds professional when he explains MSD, which is completely out of his character. I mean, he explained the entire history of Wumbo one time, but he doesn't sound nearly as proffessional as he does here. Everyone knows that the doctor fish isn't orange. Gary actually suffered from a disease called "GrouchySnailitus." What...the...f*ck? Episode RO's- I Was a Teenage Gary - Gary suffers from some ailment. Wormy- Mass hysteria. Squidtastic Voyage- Great, now they're ripping off Jimmy Neutron. One thing, Squidward swallowed the clarinet's mouthpiece, not the reed. I really don't have much to say about this one. RO's- Sandy's Rocket- whole episode. Bummer Vacation- This episode really isn't half bad. Patrick seems a little TOO dumb at times, but Patrick doesn't play a huge part in this episode. Also, Spongebob not knowing what a vacation is rather sad. Spongebob successfully backed a truck up in this episode. Spongebob can't even back a regular boat up, let alone a truck. Overall, not too bad. Definitely not a channel changer. Best Day Ever- This episode looks like it stole a plot from a children's picture book and added Spongebob themes. It only lasts 15 minutes and it sucks. Basically, it's Spongebob running around doing good deeds at the cost of the activities he wants to do. I actually liked the Best Day Ever song at first, but it gets old after the 11th time. Speaking of which, they only use the first verse and the chorus of the song. They add a custom verse near the end, but it's not from the official song. The only part that seemed Spongebob-esque was when Spongebob was trying to break into Squid's recital. That was good while it lasted. But here's what else is wrong with episode: -Nematodes are valley girls. What happened to the awesome nematodes that bounced around saying the same word(s) ad infinitum? -Sponge being on Squid's VIP list. I doubt Squid would want Sponge 3 feet from his recital, no matter if Sponge saved Squid's ass or not. -Squid succeeding at his recital. That's never supposed to happen. Don't watch the Best Day Ever, you'll hate it. Episode RO's- Jellyfishing- the original Best Day Ever episode. SquidBob TentaclePants- clarinet recital Squidtastic Voyage- Squid suffers from an incident involving a clarinet reed, except this time, it really is a reed, not a mouthpiece. Wigstruck- I thought it was ok. It got way too repetitive, though. Sponge looks like a dork, I get it. Episode RO's- One Krab's Trash- Sponge finds a piece of headwear and becomes attached to it. That's No Lady- This episode is ok, but it really doesn't make sense. Patrick, in his Patricia disguise, behaves and speaks like he would normally. How everyone was able to think that he was girl is beyond me. What makes even less sense is that not only do they buy this pitiful excuse for a disguise, but they aroused by it. I don't think this is the kind of fat bottom girls Queen was singing about. But then again, the singer WAS gay. The Thing- Not sure about this one. The beginning kinda sucked, but it got better overtime. The music that was playing when Sponge and Pat tried to break Smelly out was AWESOME. This episode is average at best. Hocus Pocus- First of all, I think they can come with a better name than Hocus Pocus. I think episode could have been better. The Wizard of Oz ripoff is so obvious, it's not even funny, and that's what Spongebob is supposed to be. Episode RO's- Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost- Spongebob thinks he killed Squidward...or melted him. I guess melting can be considered death to an ice cream cone. The Thing- Squid gets turned into something or is thought to have been turned into something. What's ironic about this is that these two episodes air with each other.

[After these reviews, someone commented “You’re my hero.”]

I'm back to review more episodes. Also, I'd like to thank [NAME WITHHELD] for his statement, because it's people like him that make me come back and support this cause.

Driven to Tears- I personally thought this episode was too repetitive. It's basically 8 minutes of Patrick bragging about his accomplishment and then the other 3 minutes shows them getting in a wreck, and Sponge having to do the right thing. Not terrible, but not that good. Episode RO's- Help Wanted- Patrick pumps Sponge up for his test the same way he pumped him up in the first episode. The Smoking Peanut- Sponge turning himself in to save Patrick's ass. Rule of Dumb- Typical episode where a character gains authoritah and then abuses it. Nothing too special. That's all I can really say, except that there's no way Patrick and Gary can be biological cousins. The Pink Purloiner- To tell you the truth, I've only seen the last part of this episode. I just gotta say this, why do the jellyfish have rooster combs? Couldn't they just be multicolored or something? Some people may be confused why Ol Reliable looks totally different in this episode. This problem is explained in the godawful Best Day Ever episode. In that episode, Sponge had a net that looked just like "Ol Reliable 2.0", but he also had another net that looked like a standard net, presumably the original Ol Reliable. I think Sponge just got rid of the original one and replaced it with Ol 2.0. I also heard that Patrick grows a third arm in this episode. Last time I checked, starfish can only grow arms to replace any arms that have been cut off, not grow as many as they want at will. If they did, starfish would have, like, 100 arms or something. Episode RO's- Nature Pants- Two words: Ol Reliable The Gift of Gum- This episode was OK, I guess. I just wish they didn't put old, rotten pizza slices on Gummy. That's just taking it too far. I think the Best Friends Day was generic, but appropriate. After all, every day is a holiday for Spongebob, even if he has to make one up. LEIF ERICSON DAY! Now, on to the 5th season: Rise and Shine- Never seen it, moving on. Waiting- This short was bupkiss. Sponge was malevolent to all of his friends just because he wanted a g*ddamn toy to show up. Then Patrick does something to the toy, Sponge thinks he broke it, their friendship's in jeopardy, and it's up to Squid to tell them that the toy was supposed to do what it did, and that Pat didn't break it. CRAP. Episode RO's- Big Pink Loser- I bet the "breaking of the toy" was "inspired" by that scene in Pig Pink Loser when Patrick opened the jar and he thought he broke it. The only difference was that BPL's scene was funny. Sing a Song of Patrick- I'll be honest, this episode is actually pretty good. Patrick's song was retardedly amusing. My only complaint is that you can't stick a turntable on top of a radio antenna and broadcast the song on terrestrial radio. It doesn't work like that. Born to be Wild- Yes, they seriously called it Born to be Wild. Well, the Wild/Mild Ones thing was a good plot twist, and it does show that clothes don't make the man, not to mention SOME good jokes (like Krabs saying that they could beat Sponge and Pat in the parking lot, not as funny as other jokes, but OK). Also, Squid reveals that he wants to be a biker. While out of his character, it does show that Squid has balls after all. But still, it's average. Best Frenemies- The first part of the episode seemed kinda pointless, because the Kelp Shake vendors don't seem to know/care who Krabs and Plankton are, so they really could've just bought one. I think the theft plots were mostly Plankton's ideas. Krabs actually suffers spending a dollar in this episode. A little TOO cheap, are we? Plankton's analyzer is completely inferior to the one he had in the original Plankton episode. A little TOO scientific, are we? Friend or Foe- The episode really isn't any different from the other 100 villian-origin cartoons. I do have to give them some credit on this, they were able to answer many questions about Krabs and Plankton, like how Krabs discovered to joys of cash and got his first dollar (which we've seen in Wet Painters), and how hard Plankton really had it. I also liked when Stinky first seems to be this poor-but-kind store owner, but then he turns out be a rich bitch. However, this episode makes it seem like the creation of the Krabby Patty was done by Plankton and Krabs plagarized the idea. Also, this episode contains one of the cheeziest lines in SB history: "This is the greatest sensation my still-developing taste buds have ever experienced!" or something like that. Episode RO's- F.U.N- At the end of the episode, Plankton lulls Krabs into a false sense of security and grabs the formula, just like he did to Spongebob in F.U.N. Spy Buddies- Well, it's an ok episode. The battle between Krabs and Plankton was pretty exciting. This episode does have crazy moments, like Patrick getting his crotch blown off by a bomb, and Sponge sticking a quarter up Patrick's...OK that wasn't really funny. The whole disguise thing should have explained more, it seems cheap that Krabs said the change was from events far too elaborate to go into, but I guess it's because they were near 11 minutes at this point. The multiple-disguise thing was pretty entertaining. I say give this one a chance, you may like it, you may not. Episode RO's- The Algae's Always Greener- Krabs and Plankton switch lives. I Had an Accident- the occurence of two Patricks. Boat Smarts- Basically, it's the Krusty Krab Training Video with boats. Well, to be honest, it wasn't too bad. I liked it when they took footage of a crash dummy test and stuck Squid's head the dummy, no matter how cheap it looked. If you like random boat crashes, you'll get a kick out of it. Good Ol' Whatshisname- It's ok, but it's got problems. First of all, who gets 10 years for stealing a guy's wallet and running a stop sign? That's a little much for two minor offenses. Second, what kind of name is Mr. Whatsit Tooya? This name is stupid, and the writers knew that, because Squid says "What kind of ridiculous name is that?" Not even Moe from the Simpsons would find that name convincing. Finally, why is Patrick in jail, and why is he allowed to have a parchesi board in his cell? Episode RO's- SB Meets the Strangler- Patrick, to the dismay of a certain character, becomes that character's cell mate. However, this episode gives no explanation about why he's in there. The Krusty Sponge- Krabs's got a brand new marketing strategy...and it sucks. It seemed like most of the time, it was Krabs telling Squid about his cosmetic change. Also, how can patties become yellow from being rotten? They're usually darker colors, like green and brown. Did those patties have cheese on them or something? Episode RO's- Bossy Boots- cosmetic change to KK as well as a name change. Born Again Krabs- Krabs tries to sell people rotten patties. Squidwood- I haven't seen the whole thing before, but it doesn't seem to make sense why everyone loves Mini-Squid for doing everything Squid does. That's just cruel. Also, Mini-Squid talked BY HIMSELF at one point. However, I'm not gonna take points off for that because that's what happened to Bubble Buddy at the end of his episode. Episode RO's- The Paper- Mini-Squid is based off Lil' Squid from The Paper. New Digs- This episode was decent. It had some pretty OK moments. I have only two complaints. One, did anyone notice that on the day Sponge is late, it goes from morning to night in 2 minutes? If that was gonna happen, why did Sponge even bother going to work? Come to think of it, he'd go even it the day only lasted 2 minutes. Two, why are Sponge's parents moving into the KK? Is Sponge trying to find a retirement home for them? Who knows. Krabs a la Mode- This episode is pretty good if you like epic Plankton fights. There really isn't much humor in this episode. Just two complaints- One, Plankton got into the KK when it was closed. Plankton just threw the perfect time to steal the formula down the crapper. Two, how can freezing Plankton cause Krabs to automatically win? Krabs was still on the floor when he froze Plankton, so he would've gotten frozen too, and nobody would win. I guess the only thing you can do is use your imaginaaaaaaation. To Love a Patty- The writers haven't learned their lesson from Enemy-In-Law about normal attraction. Let's face it, we've all been waiting for Sponge to get a girl, whether it be a female sponge or a certain underwater squirrel, people have been waiting for this moment. Well, it's finally come...and Sponge falls for a krabby patty. Do you know ANYONE who's had a sexual relationship with a burger who wasn't on drugs? Another thing is that the song isn't as good as it should be. This would've been a good song if Sponge didn't switch between talking and singing every 15 seconds. Also, why do we need to see a close-up of the now-ugly patty every minute? We don't want to look at an unnessesarily-detailed nasty patty all the time. I'd like to not upchuck my food, thank you. Finally, Patrick says that he would get a patty girlfriend to show up Spongebob. This NEVER happens. What they did was drop a subplot. Now for the positives. Yes, there are positives. This episode perfectly describes a long-lasting marriage. It's strong at first, but then it gets ugly. (Note: This is not an insult to htiched people. I'm only going by a stereotype) And...that's it. Breath of Fresh Squidward- Yay, Sponge and Pat find a new excuse to stalk Squid! Why are they doing this? Sponge and Pat finding excuses to break into Squid's house and stalk him is precisely why Good Neighbors sucked extremely hard. Luckily, it only lasts a few minutes, as Squid gets shocked by the electric fense and becomes super-happy. How can an electric fense change someone's personality? But then again, this is new Spongebob, and nothing makes sense in new Spongebob. So, Squid is super-happy, Sponge isn't. It starts to take the same path as Driven to Tears, where Sponge gets slowly pissed at Squid's accomplishments, and then he finally loses it. He begins to yell at the innocent squid and kicks him out of Patrick's party for pogo-dancing with Patrick. GAY. Finally, Squid gets shocked again and returns to the pissed-off, sarcastic squid we know and love. But then Sponge and Pat get shocked and turn into Squid clones. Basically, this is Good Neighbors and Driven to Tears's lovechild. It's really not that good, but hey, you make the call.

Gotta go for now. BTW I plan to make a new, bigass review for Good Neighbors because it's just that bad. [This never happened.]

Roller Cowards- This episode is actually good. It has good humor, like Patrick punching his own reflection, Larry trying to get people to smell his adrenaline. The plotline is good because we can all relate to it, right? Give it a go. Not necessarily a ripoff, but the episode takes place in Glove World, the theme park from Rock Bottom. Bucket Sweet Bucket- They clearly tried to ripoff Wet Painters here. The episode had its moments, like Plankton trying to steal the formula with Sponge and Patrick either helping or hindering his progress. Sponge and Pat seem to not know what they're doing when they're trying to paint the chum bucket. They were painting themselves instead of the Bucket. Kinda weird, because they knew what they were doing in Wet Painters. Also, Sponge and Pat seriously act like they're meeting Plankton for the first time in this episode. They act like they're doing one of those charitable acts that you normally do for strangers. Plus, this is PLANKTON we're talking about. After all the turmoil he's caused, I wouldn't help him at all. The Original Fry Cook- This episode was kinda boring. Nothing really happened. All you get is some background info about the KK and some of the characters. Squid used to have hair, Krabs tried to enter the 90's with new rags and fly lingo, and Jim was the shit. There is one good moment, and that's the frozen krabby patty scene. That was true Spongebob. Night Light- The first problem is the person that needs the night light: Spongebob. This is more proof that the writers think that when his character calls for being a kid at heart, they take it literally and make him a flat-out kid. Seriously, have you ever met anyone shameless enough to still be sleeping with a night light? Sure, you get creeped out at first, but then you get used to it. Spongebob thinking that darkness is an entity that captures people only adds to the destruction of Spongebob's adult nature. The surprise appearance by MM&BB was good, but when Spongebob talks to MM, he speaks in a tone like he's talking to a little kid, increasing his tone as the sentence nears it's end and calling MM "silly". Sponge, MM may have Alzheimer's and generally stupidity, but he's sure as hell no baby. Also, at the beginning of the episode, Spongebob has a lazy eye. NO HE DOESN'T!!! Bad plot, ok episode. Episode RO's- Krab Borg- Sponge reads/sees something that scares the hell out of him, which causes him to overreact. MM&BBII- MM tells Sponge not to a shine a huge light in the sky unless it's an emergency. Kinda similar to what Sponge was told about the Conch Signal in MM&BBII. Money Talks- Average. Good plot, good progression, it's ok. The ending is a true mystery though. I mean, I think I get why Spongebob had Krabs's soul, because he was short on payday, so Krabs gave him his soul to compensate. But where did the other spirits come from? Why do they hold a claim on Krabs's soul? Who are they? Somebody please tell me!!! Episode RO's- Born Again Krabs- Krabs does something with the Flying Dutchman that involves Krabs risking his soul. Sponge vs. The Patty Gadget- This episode is pretty good. The fight got exciting near the end, and the rhyming was executed in a good fashion, except one of Squid's verses uses too many syllables. There is really only one thing wrong here. Why give a machine a funeral?

Slimy Dancing- Well, this episode was ok. I liked Squid's methods of getting into the competition. It was kinda weird that Spongebob was completely hollow in this episode, but that really doesn't matter because continuity doesn't matter in Spongebob. The cramp dance is kind of weird to be a dance, but the epilogue makes a halfway decent joke out of it. Also, if the dance competition only allowed single dancers, how did Sponge and Pat get into the competition? In the qualifying round, Sponge and Pat danced as a double act, so they shouldn't have qualified. One of the cheating competitors cheated by having a muscle fish in his pants. That was kinda weird, but funny if you can laugh at sick jokes. So that guy can't dance unless *insert sick gay joke here*. Anyone else notice Krabs appeared in the epilogue? It seems the writers absolutely have to put him in every episode if possible. A Flea in Her Dome- This episode was below average. To tell you the truth, not much happened. It was just three guys against an army of fleas, and most of the time, Sponge, Pat, and Sandy are fighting with each other. Patrick was the cause of most of the fights, but not for being hilariously stupid, no, by being a huge bitch. I do like how the fleas look. They look pretty realistic. So really, not much happens, not much humor to compensate for it. Episode RO's- Wormy- both episodes involve main characters fighting insects. The Donut of Shame- This one was kinda dull. Patrick's hiding places for the donut weren't funny, Spongebob eating the donut that had been in Patrick's ass wasn't funny, the angel donut agreeing with the devil donut wasn't that funny. What was funny? Sponge and Patrick getting high at the party. That was funny. The Krusty Plate- This episode had a good ending, the rest was meh. I liked when Spongebob went completely with his sanitizing, 007-style lasah. At least half this episode is worth watching. Episode RO's- Dying for Pie- the nuclear bomb footage is used in this episode. Picture Day- Why Sponge has to get his picture taken before he gets his license is beyond me. The episode was repetitive and had a terrible ending. Why? Because Sponge was crying because he was covered in Patrick's taco, and when he got cleaned up, when he was clean as a whistle, he was STILL CRYING. Dammit, Sponge, you got what you wanted, WHAT MORE DO YA WANT!? Pat No Pay- This episode is basically a shortened version of Big Pink Loser. What happens is that Pat can't pay for his krabby patty feast, so he has to work of the money, and he screws up all of his jobs. It's not that good and it's extremely predictable. Blackjack- This episode is a perfect example of how a terrible ending can ruin an episode. This episode is meant to be suspenseful and have a creepy atmosphere. In this episode, Spongebob's cousin Blackjack, a totally ripped sea sponge who used to beat the shit of Sponge during his youth, has been released from prison is threatening to take out his parents. Sponge must scan Bikini Bottom, find Blackjack, defeat him in a final showdown, and rescue his parents. Sounds thrilling, right? Seeing Sponge search down his childhood foe and beat him in an all-out brawl sounds epic, right? Well, if your looking for a funny episode, this one will leave you disappointed. They try to crack a few jokes at one point, but it ends up being a failure, because having Sponge's uncle make Sponge do stuff just because he can't hear what Sponge is saying really isn't that funny. Well, Sponge finally reaches Blackjack's shack, where his parents are being held. Turns out Sponge's parents are just celebrating Blackjack's release. But that doesn't stop the battle between Sponge and Blackjack from happening. Blackjack finally shows up, challenging Sponge to a fight. Sponge gathers his courage and prepares for the fight of his life. This is what you were waiting for, right? The epic battle that everyone in the episode had been making a big deal about is about to take place, and you're eager to see who will come out the victor. Well, guess what? The epic fight turns out to be COMPLETE, UTTER BULL SHIT!!! Blackjack, as he's about to attack Sponge, turns out to be AS BIG AS PLANKTON. Not only that, they all act like Blackjack has always been small. So Blackjack isn't a huge hulking sea sponge like Sponge said he was? Sponge was tortured by THIS GUY as a child? Ladies and gentleman, this episode marks that Spongebob has officially lost his balls. Trying to find answers to this oddity, I searched Google and found that sea sponges can only shrink if they're boiled in water. Wow, that jail must have had some pretty hot showers... Or they just f*cked up.

Well, yesterday, I saw some episodes from the new 6th season. Personally, I thought most of them were below average. But I watchd them so you don't have to. The first one I saw-

HOUSE FANCY- Well, it's been about seven years since we've seen Squilliam Fancyson, and in this episode, he finally returns. The first part was kinda boring because we already know how rich this guy is. I did get a kick out of the running joke about golden doorknobs. The joke about Spongebob eavesdropping on Squid for days wasn't that funny. It just makes him look like a legitimate homosexual. There was one funny part I though was both entertaining and strange. Patrick comes over to Squid's house to use his toilet. He then tells Squid in a subtle matter that he took a huge dump. The toilet then comes to life and wants to be put out of its misery. Well, it looks like the new writers have learned something from their past mistakes, and are only giving inanimate objects mortality for comedic reasons. The ending was interesting, as Squid's house, in its shattered remains, resembles that of the cave men, apparently. However, Squid shouldn't have won the award for fanciest house. It may date back to early ancestral house styles, but Squilliam's house is beyond fancy. Golden doorknobs, bitch. OK, not great, but some good jokes help it out. Episode RO's- Snowball Effect- Patrick trying to use Squid's toilet. SUN BLEACHED- This episode sucked. Of all things to celebrate summer vacation, this is the worst form of celebration. It begins with this really tan seal, who's tan is so good, he is worshipped by everyone. Why? Because the people of Bikini Bottom are stupid. He decides to throw a party exclusive to tan people. Is that supposed to be a reference to dress codes at parties or is it referencing a certain issue about skin pigment that I'm not gonna bring up? So Sponge and Pat think, "we gotta get tan so we can get into the party." So they turn Patrick's rock into a tanning bed. Patrick gets in first and comes out all tan and wrinkled. He then says he looks like one of those old people from soda commercials. It then cuts to an old guy advertising soda. Ok, name me one brand of soda that remotely uses old people to advertise their product. This joke makes no sense. If they want to use a joke like that, they've got to refer to something that actually exists. This is also a ripoff of Family Guy, who uses jokes like that all the time. The only difference is that Family Guy knows exactly where it's going with it's "manatee" jokes (that term's from South Park), whereas here they just go down a path of utter stupidity. A bunch of girls go up to Patrick and start worshipping him. At first, I didn't get this because Patrick was wrinkled and looked like he was 50, but then I thought if Hugh Hefner can get chicks with his aging appearance, so can Patrick. Sponge gets stuck in the bed for 2 hours and looks like how he does whenever he's exposed to air: cracked up, wrinkly, and talking like an old guy. Squid then enters the episode and laughs at Sponge for being sun bleached. No witty sarcasm, no smart remarks, he just laughs at him. I was like, "Am I supposed to laugh at that?" Patrick tries numerous times to make Sponge tan, and he eventually does. Party time! Before they get in, the seal actually takes a baby, throws him at a dumpster, and he lands into a wastebasket. Look, just because it works for South Park doesn't mean it'll work for everything. I mean, babies are delicate. He could've died from that. PRO-BABY TORTURE!? ON A KID'S SHOW!? WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO!? The ending is dull. Sponge is praised for being sun bleached I guess because he laid in the t-bed for 2 hours, they crank up the heat, everyone dies, the end. GIANT SQUIDWARD- I bet they came up with this episode after one of the writers was done playing New Super Mario Bros. and thought, "What if we make one of the characters extremely huge and chaos ensues?" Well, that's what happened. Well, Squid becomes giant from some sort of growth formula that was sprayed on him by his two idiot neighbors. Sponge, seeing Squid's massive size, says that Squid could play a game with them where Squid tries to tag Sponge and Pat while they're screaming bloody murder. Two words: unnecessary censorship. We all know Squid is going to use his newfound size to try to kill Sponge and Pat. Yeah, I know that's not nice, but they could have just said nothing. They could've just had Squid chasing them and leave it at that, no need for explanation. This also makes it seem like Sponge and Pat are unable to sense danger. Everything's a game to them. I bet if The Camping Episode was written by the new writers, Sponge and Pat would be trying to ride both the sea-bear and the sea-rhino rather that try to defend themselves from them. In other words, Sponge and Pat are out of character by being too damn stupid. An angry mob ensues because Squid tells Sponge and Pat to be quiet. They then tie Squidward down and try to burn him. Welcome to Bikini Bottom, home of the wussiest, most immature people...IN THE WORLD. Part of that angry mob is the medieval fish from Dunces & Dragons. Ok, either Bikini Bottom has an Amish community or they have found a way to travel through time. Neither is likely. A kid then says that the monstrous Squid may be nice. Look, I know the kid got the idea from a picture book, but this is SQUID we're talking about. Squid wants Sponge and Pat, two idiots who refuse to cooperate and think that danger doesn't exist, to somehow shrink him. He, of course, is not gonna play good cop in this situation, he's gonna play bad cop. Squid, being shunned by so many people, hating his life, and being the second biggest prick in Bikini Bottom (first is Patrick), is gonna show no mercy, so what would possess them to think that he MAY be nice? The Bikini Bottomites then ask Squid to do various odd jobs. *cough*SpongeWhoCouldFlyRipoff*cough* But the angry mob is reformed and tries, again, to get Squidward. Why? Well, a guy sneezes, everyone but Squidward blesses him. WHAT!? YOU CAN'T START AN ANGRY MOB FOR A PETTY, LITTLE REASON LIKE THAT!!! Squid, being so huge, probably couldn't hear the sneeze, you ever thought of that? Sponge and Pat have a sleepover in Squid's belly-button. Um...how gay are these people? Sponge and Pat decide to get Squid out of his blue ruin by making him a giant clarinet. Squid plays the clarinet, and it turns out to be the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. But then he shrinks, and cannot play it. They don't explain how Squid returned to normal size, but I think it was because the growth formula wore off.

Ok, I'm gonna skip a few episodes because they are ones in particular that I want to review. Also, I take back what I said about Sponge losing his balls. Stuff like that doesn't matter. Sponge is just supposed to be funny, which he hasn't been lately. I'm going to start with one people constantly rant on about: ATLANTIS SQUAREPANTIS-

[This review has two versions: the original Facebook version and an edited version made for TV.com.  Half of the Facebook version is missing due to Facebook reformatting the message boards into regular comment chains.  The TV.com version was not only edited to remove the curse words and some of the more offensive jokes, but the TV.com mods removed many cases of all-caps within the review.]

This "TV movie" is nothing more than an overhyped 45-minute episode containing none of the stuff that makes a Spongebob episode great. This is how the episode goes: Sponge and Pat are in Jellyfish Fields trying to take snapshots of bubbles. The only problem is that the flash pops the bubble and doesn't show up in the picture. They then proceed to sing a song about how everything in the world has to end at some point. It's not a bad song, really. They then enter the cave from Nature Pants and Your Shoe's Untied, where they find half of THE HOLY ATLANTIAN AMULET!! Our heroes then run over to the museum, where Krabs is trying to get some cash by putting a toll gate at the museum's entrance. Sponge and Pat enter the museum where they meet up with Squid. Squid thinks that Sponge and Pat stole what he thinks is the other half of the amulet that's on display at the museum, but to his surprise, he sees they have the second half. Squid then tells Sponge, Pat, and Krabs about Atlantis and what great things that they have accomplished. Sandy pops outta nowhere to say stupid shit about science, they assemble the amulet, and summon a pimped-out bus. But this isn't any pimped out bus. This pimped-out bus has the most unusual fuel source. Electricity? Water? Plankton? No! It runs on SONG! Since the bus, despite being pimped out, doesn't have a radio, the five lucky riders will have to sing their way to Atlantis. Only one problem. In musicals, there is never a logical explanation to sing, you just sing when the time is right, that's it. Also, the song is just about going to Atlantis and doing the stuff that piques their interests. In fact, the song is so basic, it could have the same amout of meaning as the song Sponge and Pat sung in the episode Neptune's Spatula after Sponge won the cook-off. "We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!" Come to think of it, that song was kinda catchy. After Patrick crashes the bus into Atlantis, we see Plankton. Plankton wants to get ahold of Atlantis's weapons of mass destruction to do everything he said he was going to do in his version of the FUN song. There are many signs throughout the special that indicate that Plankton was just thrown in as an extra. First sign: they give no explanation as to how he got on the bus. Second sign: They have him exit the bus in the most illogical way: through the tailpipe, which the bus shouldn't have because it runs on song fuel. We then meet up with Lord Royal Highness (or Lord Royal Jackass, as I like to call him), who looks like a Blue Meanie from the Beatles's Yellow Submarine video and is voiced by famous singer David Bowe. LRJ falls down a large flight of stairs, which is about as funny as watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. So the episode follows a certain pattern for each character. They enter a room that reflects on one of the character’s traits, they sing a song, and the remaining characters continue on with the tour while the other one stays behind to bask in the room’s godliness. Well this isn’t a Willy Wonka ripoff! As all of this is happening, Plankton is trying to get to the WMD’s. The first room is the money storage room. Krabs gets such a big orgy from this, he even considers turning himself into money via a money press. First of all, a money press just prints the dollar design on dollar paper, so Krabs shouldn’t have been flat, he’s not paper. Second, and this is the main argument, how far can they take this simple characteristic? What sense does this make? What is turning yourself into money gonna accomplish? NOTHING. ZILCH. NADA. It has nothing to do with greed at all. Did they just do that to make the song longer? I bet that’s why they did it. I don’t remember it exactly, but I don’t think the beat of the song was consistent. Not surprising. Next, we go to the R&D room. We see an ice cream transmogrifier, good for the tonsil-less, I guess. Then we come to the main invention: a machine that shrinks a person down to microscopic size to fight viruses in MORTAL KOMBAT!!! Well, not Mortal Kombat, but in other video games. That’s right, this sequence rips off of video games. Basically, Sandy has to defeat a bunch of viruses in video games and defeat the giant nose boss to save Sponge, Pat, and Squid. They ripoff DDR and Bust-a-Move and that’s about it. What, no Pac-Man ripoff? No Tetris ripoff? What about Mario? That would’ve been easy, just ripoff Dr. Mario. We ARE fighting viruses, no? Also, the 8-bit versions of the characters look bad. I have a Spongebob video game for the Game Boy Color, and that game, the characters looked better than in this movie. The song? Ouch, not too good. Sandy, no one gives two shits about the periodic table of elements, at least when watching TV that isn’t Discovery channel. Next up is the art room, filled with artistic marvels painted by only the most talented artists in the sea. Squid’s song was OK, but the song’s video was average. The painting ripoffs are well placed, and many of them are easy to point out. Unfortunately, that really isn’t saying much. Plankton’s song is the shortest out of the bunch, another sign of him being thrown in as an extra. The video only uses the colors red, white, and black. This was to make Plankton look like a Nazi. Did they forget that Jewish people are watching this show? Making references to a group of people that caused the slaughter of a bunch of Jews on a kid’s show…not too smart. Finally, we get to Sponge and Pat, who get to see the World’s Oldest Bubble. Just go with it, ok? Surprisingly, there’s no song. Instead, LRH just leaves the two there with the bubble. Patrick snaps a picture of the bubble, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yeah, after all of the singing and touring bull, we finally get to the climax of the story. The group meets back up at the banquet hall for a FEAST (sorry, no Snickers at this feast). Sponge tells LRJ about the sin that had committed. LRJ tells them that the bubble they popped was a phony, and he then pulls out the real one. Patrick takes a picture, and…OMG THEY POPPED THE BUBBLE!!! Yes, after popping a fake bubble and giving us a cheap adrenaline rush, we finally get to the REAL climax of the story. We then get to an action scene. Five main characters vs. an army of Blue Meanies. This would be ok if Sandy wasn’t the only one doing all the work. Sponge knows karate, Pat is a self-renowned world championship kickboxer, Squid can be a hell of a fighter when he’s pissed, and Krabs was in the freakin’ Navy. I think all of the characters can hold out on their own without acting as Sandy’s weapons. The characters successfully escape the Meanie armada, only to be stopped by Plankton, who has acquired a big-ass tank to kill people with. Death is inevitable. This is the end of Spongebob. Plankton fires the tank, kills the five characters (no blood, of course), and destroys the city of Atlantis. He then destroys Bikini Bottom, then moves on to the United States, North America, the other Americas, the whole world, the solar system, the universe, and all beyond that. In Heaven, Sponge realizes that like everything else in the world, his life would had to have ended at some point. Patrick is happy to find a place where he is not judged by his IQ, Squid tearfully reunites with his deceased father and finds love, and Krabs regrets his actions from his mortal life, wishing that he could’ve gotten more out of it than getting every cent and bill the sea had. Sandy, however, was sent to Hell for being a sciento

[the rest of this review is from the censored TV.com version since the original Facebook version got cut off.  Honestly, it’s better that way, that Scientology joke makes no fucking sense.]

Sandy's mental strain finally goes away, as she is now in a place where science really doesn't matter. Yeah right. Plankton fires the tank, only to find that it shoots ice cream! Could it have been any more anticlimactic? I mean, I get the ice cream transmogrifier from earlier, but how does that connect with the ice cream tank? Also, LRJ said he locked the "WMD's" to promote the growth of world peace. So ice cream causes wars and terrorism? Real educational. Because LRJ is in need desperate need of a main attraction, he captures Plankton and displays him as a sideshow as opposed to the now-destroyed bubble. LRJ does this because he thinks Plankton is a "talking speck." Well, you got half of that right, he does talk, but he's not a speck! Was he not paying attention at all during the fight scene, where Sponge and Pat clearly yelled "Thanks, Plankton!"? He's a plankton! A common microscopic organism normally eaten by small fish and whales. Note that I used the word "common." Why capture a common organism? What makes Plankton so special? The only thing that makes him different from other plankton is that he isn't a redneck, but I doubt LRJ knows that because he's confined to an unknown city separated from the rest of the world. So after that bizarre moment, our 5 *ahem* "heroes" set off for the journey home. Sponge sings a final song about how Bikini Bottom may not have everything they'd like it to have, but it's still their home, and to quote The Wizard of Oz, there's no place like home. So even a trip to Atlantis would have had to end at some point. This shows that no matter how great something is, it has to end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, it will have to go past the point of no return. While the special sucked, it had a good lesson to teach. But wait! Wasn't the first song about how nothing has permanence? So we just had to watch the first 5 minutes of the freakin special to get the message, and that we waste the other 40 minutes watching beyond the point where the first song ends? That just proves how much substance this special has. What could be explained in 5 minutes was explained in 45. Overall, not funny, not deep, no plot, waste of time, waste of money. The only reason to watch it is just to make fun of it. Final Grade: F

[I wrote a review for Banned in Bikini Bottom in the same post, but again, Facebook reformatting has made it lost to time.  All I remember is that I got the villain’s name wrong and I kept bitching about how dumb the plot was, how annoying the recurring music number was, and how it was completely stupid that the Secret Krusty Krab had a giant sign advertising it’s presence.] 

OK, I'm not gonna review the episodes in order anymore. I'm just gonna do it randomly. OK, here's a bad one: THE BATTLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM- I actually had hopes for this episode. If you've seen the first few minutes of it, you'd feel the same. The episode starts out with Sponge and Pat picking out shirts that read this: BEST FRIEND -------> So that they can promote their friendship. But later the shirts point at two girls, and Sponge says that they gotta ditch the shirts because their "sending the wrong message." This could either be funny or offensive. If you can take a gay joke, it's funny. If you don't like to see Sponge and Pat being portrayed as being gay, it's offensive. You know what, Sponge used to be straight, but ever since season 4, he's been trying to get as many anacondas as possible. So after getting booted out of the mall for product destruction, Sponge and Pat come across a war reenactment of America's battle against the Red Coats. Now you're thinking, "That's not too bad. Maybe we can get a few thrills from the action." But then Sponge asks what the war was about, and Patrick explains. He says that the war began when a Red Coat told Patrick's Revolutionary ancestor to wash his filth-ridden hands. A fight breaks out, and I guess the war begins. So basically, Pat says the war was about cleanliness, and it gave us the right to be either clean or dirty. Well, Patrick then says that he's never washed his hands in his life. At this point, you should just change the channel. Sponge gets disgusted at Patrick's customs and a fight breaks out. Trust me, you'd be disgusted at Patrick too. Why? Because the animators thought it would be a great idea to show Patrick's lack of sanitation in very detailed extreme closeups. I think they were trying to rip off some of the gross-out humor Ren and Stimpy used. The only difference is that R&S had actual humor to back it up, and that's why it was such a great show. Not this episode, it relies solely on disgusting closeups. As the "new" series progressed, Patrick's character began to deteriate. He went from being just a simple character that just happened to have ADD to a dumb f*ck that can't crack a decent joke to save his life. This episode is Patrick's worst episode. Never has his character been so anally raped. Not only did they change him mentally, making him a filth whore, but they also changed him physically. They give Patrick things that he should never have. First of all, they put 2 large toenails on Patrick's legs. OK, what crack were they snorting when they did this? Would any decent person in this universe even consider giving Patrick actual feet, let alone toenails? His feet look like fingers. He has fingers for legs! Yeah, that's nice to know. Second, at one point during the fight, he says that the glove must come off. Then, he actually takes off his hand. You know what's under it? A HUMAN HAND! A HUMAN HAND!!!! Are you shitting me!? A human hand!? They had the balls to give him a human hand!? So, now what are you saying!? That Patrick isn't a starfish, but just a FINGER PUPPET IN A STARFISH COSTUME!? Well, according to the new cast, that's what he is. Patrick is a human finger puppet wearing a cute little starfish costume, and Stephen Hillenburg has been lying to us all these years. I think they actually did this to explain how Patrick is always able to randomly generate fingers. That's something that needs no explanation. He just can. Finally, they make Patrick grow a nose. No, not a little hole in his head, or a small round nose that sometimes appears on his face. They give him a nose that would outnose Squidward's. This is pretty screwed up. He then proceeds to pick his nose, in a detailed close-up, and chase Sponge around trying to fling his...nasal waste...at him. Thankfully, they have of courtesy of not showing this f*cked-up act. Well, at least they know when enough is enough. Overall, for sanity's sake, don't watch this episode. If you do decide to watch the episode, then you are brave, my friend.

Two years after I stopped doing reviews, the “You’re my hero” guy left me this comment and this exchange happened.

GUY: ���I haven't been on here in two years, but now I am even more impressed than I was. The cash hungry execs at viacom should read these.”

ME: “Waited four months to reply, but I've got to say this. Honestly, I stopped caring about this issue years ago. Not only is it irrelevant for me to be ranting about a show in which I'm not in the target age group, but this was going to happen anyway. The show was getting popular, so the network decided to keep making more and more episodes. If the original writers of the show decide to move on to new projects, the network will hire new ones to replace them. It doesn't matter if they actually know how to write for a particular show, as long as they write something, the network is happy. All of this ranting and venting I did was not helping the cause at all. In fact, what I'm doing now is helping it. I stopped giving a shit, so I stopped watching. Plus, I just did these things for fun. The fun came from just pointing out fucked-up parts of episodes and making jokes about them. Why else do you think they're so overcritical? I was like the friggin Nostalgia Critic. So yeah, don't really care anymore. If you want overcritical reviews of a dead cartoon show, well, find someone else to do it.” GUY: “Well, at least you know you entertained me.”

And then I became a hypocrite and watched MoBros and Enter’s videos on the subject later on.

So anyway, those were my SB reviews.  I guess everyone goes through this kinda period at some point in their lives.

[kartiavelino]

Broadway’s pandering to tourists has backfired big-time

Broadway is wanting extra like Common Studios than the epicenter of nice theater lately. Mainstream manufacturers are squeezing out scintillating artwork that when dominated the boards. Exeunt: “Sweeney Todd,” “Gypsy” and “Lease.” Enter: “Margaritaville,” “SpongeBob SquarePants” and “Frozen.” One longtime theater critic advised me the final 10 months of reveals made up “the worst Broadway season in reminiscence.” It’s a stunning reversal. In 2015, Lin-Manuel Miranda’s groundbreaking hit “Hamilton,” a hip-hop historical past of America’s first Treasury secretary, conquered popular culture. And solely a yr in the past, Broadway was celebrating three different extremely revolutionary and thrilling new musicals, which sprung from daring narrative ideas: “Pricey Evan Hansen,” “Come From Away” and “Natasha, Pierre and the Nice Comet of 1812.” “The Nice Comet” is an electro-pop adaptation of Tolstoy’s “Warfare and Peace.” “Come From Away” appears to be like at how 9/11 modified life in a small Canadian city the place flights have been grounded for days. “Evan Hansen,” in the meantime, bravely confronts teen bullying and suicide. The latter two musicals are nonetheless among the hottest tickets on Broadway, whereas “Hamilton” continues to be, effectively, “Hamilton,” often grossing greater than $three million per week. What did we be taught from their boffo box-office success? Nothing, apparently. The unlucky shift to schlock comes as Hollywood, the media, publishers and nearly anyone with one thing to promote are aggressively courting Center Individuals, whom they beforehand uncared for, within the wake of President Trump’s win. However, like a husband making an attempt to make up for a forgotten anniversary with an Edible Association, the apology is worse than the unique oversight. Of their clamor to coddle audiences, Broadway producers have forgotten that Center Individuals even have fairly good style. They’re not simpletons hell-bent on seeing acquainted names and titles; they’re simply common folks searching for an excellent evening out. “The idea has been that solely huge manufacturers and film stars are positive bets for tourists,” one Broadway producer advised me. “However audiences are mainly searching for reveals that talk to their humanity.” These savvy tourists are the business’s lifeblood. Through the 2016-17 season, they bought 61 % of Broadway tickets, in accordance to the Broadway League. Home tourists numbered 6.1 million — or 46 % of all attendees. However most of the reveals presently catering to them belong in a Occasions Sq. gutter, not a legendary theater, and theatergoers are telling producers simply that with their wallets. “Escape to Margaritaville,” a boneheaded jukebox present filled with Jimmy Buffett’s tequila-tinted tunes, would appear a Holy Land for Parrotheads, worshipers of the “Cheeseburger in Paradise” singer, who frequent his live shows, eating places, bars and motels. However the critically maligned musical has been struggling to promote full-price tickets. Final week, “Margaritaville” took in $675,850. That’s lower than half of its potential gross (usually 60 % is taken into account healthy-ish.) Critics and audiences are rightfully loathing the present’s hokey heartlessness — and even Jimmy diehards are steering clear. “Why pay for a flight and tickets to a dud musical,” they have to assume, “after we might go see a incredible Buffett live performance as a substitute?” One other brand-name musical failing to take up audiences is “SpongeBob SquarePants,” which opened in December. Primarily based on the Nickelodeon TV program aimed toward children aged 8 to 11, the present has been about 60 % full throughout its worst weeks, and is liable to changing into a beached whale by the Tony Awards in June. Will future reveals replenish theaters with unique, out-of-the-box work? It appears to be like unlikely Even “Frozen” — the theater adaptation of Disney’s standard ice-queen film — isn’t promoting a blizzard of tickets. Although the supply materials is artistic and lovable, on Broadway it’s as energetic as a Madame Tussauds wax determine. Which may very well be why the stage model of one of the crucial standard animated motion pictures ever made was simply 93 % full final week, lower than a month after opening. In the meantime, “Hamilton,” “Come From Away” and “Pricey Evan Hansen” have been all standing-room-only. The resale market — the very best indicator of a present’s true demand and longevity — tells the identical story. Go on StubHub proper now and also you’ll discover particular person tickets to “Hamilton” on sale this week for $600. “Pricey Evan Hansen” and “Come From Away” for $230. Penny-pinchers can spend the evening at “SpongeBob” for $45 and “Escape to Margaritaville” for $75. Disney’s seeming juggernaut “Frozen”? A measly $49. This isn’t to say that reveals with model recognition can’t resonate with audiences. However “The Lion King,” nonetheless going sturdy at 21 years outdated, didn’t turn into Disney’s most profitable musical ever simply because folks know the title. Director Julie Taymor completely redefined it for the stage, making unprecedented use of conventional masks and puppetry. Theatergoers have been thrilled and moved. In the meantime, one other cherished Disney property, “The Little Mermaid,” was a flop that closed in lower than two years as a result of it was extra involved with pointless design prospers than Ariel’s wealthy emotional life. Will future reveals replenish theaters with unique, out-of-the-box work? It appears to be like unlikely. The superb however extraordinarily business “Harry Potter and the Cursed Youngster” opens right now, whereas “Fairly Girl: The Musical” and “King Kong” are presently on the docket for subsequent season. “Not too long ago, the worry is that Broadway is on its approach to changing into a theme park,” my producer supply advised me. Whether or not from the Higher West Facet or Kalamazoo, Mich., audiences coming to Broadway need to see the new present, with nice phrase of mouth and significant acclaim, figuring out full effectively they’ll depart moved and entertained. It appears to be like just like the glory days of 2017 are far behind us. Share this: https://nypost.com/2018/04/21/broadways-box-office-is-wasting-away-in-margaritaville/ The post Broadway’s pandering to tourists has backfired big-time appeared first on My style by Kartia. http://www.kartiavelino.com/2018/04/broadways-pandering-to-tourists-has-backfired-big-time.html

[oghenk55]

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[kartiavelino]

Broadway’s box office is wasting away in ‘Margaritaville’

Broadway is trying extra like Common Studios than the epicenter of nice theater as of late. Mainstream manufacturers are squeezing out scintillating artwork that when dominated the boards. Exeunt: “Sweeney Todd,” “Gypsy” and “Hire.” Enter: “Margaritaville,” “SpongeBob SquarePants” and “Frozen.” One longtime theater critic instructed me the final 10 months of exhibits made up “the worst Broadway season in reminiscence.” It’s a surprising reversal. In 2015, Lin-Manuel Miranda’s groundbreaking hit “Hamilton,” a hip-hop historical past of America’s first Treasury secretary, conquered popular culture. And solely a yr in the past, Broadway was celebrating three different extremely progressive and thrilling new musicals, which sprung from daring narrative ideas: “Expensive Evan Hansen,” “Come From Away” and “Natasha, Pierre and the Nice Comet of 1812.” “The Nice Comet” is an electro-pop adaptation of Tolstoy’s “Conflict and Peace.” “Come From Away” appears to be like at how 9/11 modified life in a small Canadian city the place flights had been grounded for days. “Evan Hansen,” in the meantime, bravely confronts teen bullying and suicide. The latter two musicals are nonetheless among the hottest tickets on Broadway, whereas “Hamilton” continues to be, effectively, “Hamilton,” repeatedly grossing greater than $three million every week. What did we study from their boffo box-office success? Nothing, apparently. The unlucky shift to schlock comes as Hollywood, the media, publishers and nearly anyone with one thing to promote are aggressively courting Center People, whom they beforehand uncared for, in the wake of President Trump’s win. However, like a husband attempting to make up for a forgotten anniversary with an Edible Association, the apology is worse than the unique oversight. Of their clamor to coddle audiences, Broadway producers have forgotten that Center People even have fairly good style. They’re not simpletons hell-bent on seeing acquainted names and titles; they’re simply common individuals on the lookout for an excellent night time out. “The belief has been that solely large manufacturers and film stars are positive bets for vacationers,” one Broadway producer instructed me. “However audiences are mainly on the lookout for exhibits that talk to their humanity.” These savvy vacationers are the trade’s lifeblood. Through the 2016-17 season, they bought 61 p.c of Broadway tickets, based on the Broadway League. Home vacationers numbered 6.1 million — or 46 p.c of all attendees. However lots of the exhibits at present catering to them belong in a Occasions Sq. gutter, not a legendary theater, and theatergoers are telling producers simply that with their wallets. “Escape to Margaritaville,” a boneheaded jukebox stuffed with Jimmy Buffett’s tequila-tinted tunes, would appear a Holy Land for Parrotheads, worshipers of the “Cheeseburger in Paradise” singer, who frequent his live shows, eating places, bars and accommodations. However the critically maligned musical has been struggling to promote full-price tickets. Final week, “Margaritaville” took in $675,850. That’s lower than half of its potential gross (usually 60 p.c is thought-about healthy-ish.) Critics and audiences are rightfully loathing the present’s hokey heartlessness — and even Jimmy diehards are steering clear. “Why pay for a flight and tickets to a dud musical,” they need to assume, “after we might go see a improbable Buffett live performance as an alternative?” One other brand-name musical failing to soak up audiences is “SpongeBob SquarePants,” which opened in December. Primarily based on the Nickelodeon TV program aimed toward youngsters aged eight to 11, the present has been about 60 p.c full throughout its worst weeks, and is vulnerable to turning into a beached whale by the Tony Awards in June. Will future exhibits replenish theaters with unique, out-of-the-box work? It appears to be like unlikely Even “Frozen” — the theater adaptation of Disney’s widespread ice-queen film — isn’t promoting a blizzard of tickets. Although the supply materials is inventive and lovable, on Broadway it’s as energetic as a Madame Tussauds wax determine. Which may very well be why the stage model of probably the most widespread animated motion pictures ever made was simply 93 p.c full final week, lower than a month after opening. In the meantime, “Hamilton,” “Come From Away” and “Expensive Evan Hansen” had been all standing-room-only. The resale market — the very best indicator of a present’s true demand and longevity — tells the identical story. Go on StubHub proper now and also you’ll discover particular person tickets to “Hamilton” on sale this week for $600. “Expensive Evan Hansen” and “Come From Away” for $230. Penny-pinchers can spend the night time at “SpongeBob” for $45 and “Escape to Margaritaville” for $75. Disney’s seeming juggernaut “Frozen”? A measly $49. This isn’t to say that exhibits with model recognition can’t resonate with audiences. However “The Lion King,” nonetheless going sturdy at 21 years previous, didn’t turn out to be Disney’s most profitable musical ever simply because individuals know the title. Director Julie Taymor completely redefined it for the stage, making unprecedented use of custom masks and puppetry. Theatergoers had been thrilled and moved. In the meantime, one other cherished Disney property, “The Little Mermaid,” was a flop that closed in lower than two years as a result of it was extra involved with pointless design thrives than Ariel’s wealthy emotional life. Will future exhibits replenish theaters with unique, out-of-the-box work? It appears to be like unlikely. The superb however extraordinarily industrial “Harry Potter and the Cursed Youngster” opens right now, whereas “Fairly Girl: The Musical” and “King Kong” are at present on the docket for subsequent season. “Just lately, the worry is that Broadway is on its solution to turning into a theme park,” my producer supply instructed me. Whether or not from the Higher West Aspect or Kalamazoo, Mich., audiences coming to Broadway wish to see the recent present, with nice phrase of mouth and important acclaim, realizing full effectively they’ll depart moved and entertained. It appears to be like just like the glory days of 2015 are far behind us. Share this: https://nypost.com/2018/04/21/broadways-box-office-is-wasting-away-in-margaritaville/ The post Broadway’s box office is wasting away in ‘Margaritaville’ appeared first on My style by Kartia. http://www.kartiavelino.com/2018/04/broadways-box-office-is-wasting-away-in-margaritaville.html