#SOMETHING SOMETHING ABOUT SERVING C*NT SOMETHING

[bunnykaye]

Luke Newton and Nicola Coughlan at the British Vogue x BAFTA Fashion & Film Party with Tiffany and Co at Annabel's Mayfair (02.18.2024) 🎥: Sata Studios

[fionnaskyborn]

in light of recent events: still feeling kinda "huh." about the fact that they canonized what was most likely a formatting error on bungie's part that occurred when the info sheets for noble team were being published as part of the promo campaign way back in the day. as of 2022, it's just. canon now. huh. alright.

[theinfinitedivides]

and finally Do Sik uses that f*cking knife. should we cheer? does he want a cookie?

[umbrellacam]

Have any Dick & Tim fic recs for us poor unfortunate souls? We’re hungry for brotherisms

I feel you anon, there can never be too many Dick & Tim brotherism fics! 😊 I had a great time wading through my bookmarks to pull some recs (and inevitably lose a bunch of time re-reading things lol), so thanks for the ask!

so I've organized the below first by general time period, then categories like Canon Divergence and Alternate Universe. I've also limited myself to fics that have a clear focus on Dick & Tim as the primary relationship (although some of them include other characters or ensembles).

Hope that you find something new that you enjoy, friend!!

A Thousand Ninjas, by @silverwhittlingknife (100k WIP series) - Silver's fantastic epic that covers the span of Dick and Tim's relationship in preboot canon. Some of the individual works are WIP, others are complete - just read them all, okay, you will not regret

Dick and Tim, through the years: from Lonely Place of Dying, through Tim's Robin years, and beyond Red Robin. "Watch me on the trapeze, Tim. I'm going to do my act - 'specially for you." (B 441) "Who the hell are you?" (NT 60) "Dick Grayson is my brother. My best friend." (R 181) "You're my equal. My closest ally." (RR 1) "I can't see him. You can't see him. But I know Robin. And Robin's always there when you need him." (TT/O Secret Files) "You're my brother. You'll always be there for me." (RR 12) "And then I think... no... it's for Tim. For him, a thousand ninjas is just the start of what I would do." (N 138)

EARLY ROBIN TIM

Brothers Have the Worst Timing, by @havendance (1k) - god I love Tim just popping up randomly to be the most annoying little brother ever, and frankly there's no better time for it than during Nightwing/Huntress, when he can bother both Dick and Helena at once.

Tim crashes Dick and Helena’s ill-advised one-night stand; this is awkward for everyone involved.

A Long Fall with a Sudden Stop, by @eggmacguffin (5.1k) - Interesting and appropriately awful take on fear toxin, with a relatively young Robin!Tim having to manage an incapacitated Dick. Also good Dick & Bruce content.

Dick Grayson was not and never has been afraid of heights. However, there were moments, moments in the wake of tragedy, in the midst of doubt, where he was deathly afraid of falling. — Dick Grayson. Fear Toxin.

Little Brothers and Stupid Ideas, by lazarusfell / @gretahayes (2k) - Tim breaking into Dick's apartment to be a neurotic little dork at him, my beloved.

Dick doesn't think he'll ever get used to his little brother's idiosyncrasies. It's like whenever he thinks the kid can't get any weirder, he decides to just blow Dick out of the water with some new abnormality. It's endearing.

LATE ROBIN TIM

lifeline, by me c: (~700) - just a ficlet, but I'm still fond of it, so. set nebulously post-Infinite Crisis, after both brothers' Really Bad Year.

At a low moment, Dick thinks he needs to catch Tim, and he just - can't. Tim catches him instead.

a soft place to land, by unchosenone / @bitimdrake (3k) - set during the OYL cruise around the world; gorgeous brotherly feels and support and absolutely adopted as personal canon.

Tim rubs the back of his head, trying to affect a joking tone. “I knew I should’ve just gone for the new escrima sticks.” Dick is ready to be a good big brother to his grieving little bro. Tim flips the script.

ribbons just beyond the eye, by silverwhittlingknife (5.9k) - you know how Dick and Tim had their island adventure in NW #143, and afterward they had to swim out several miles to where they parked the Batsub because the remote stopped working, and Dick talked about making a pit stop in Palermo to visit a "great little Italian restaurant that serves a great ciambellone for dessert"? Well, this is what happens when they do, and it's lovely.

Two weeks after their fight over the Lazarus Pits, Dick and Tim go on a trip, and Dick confronts some old memories.

RED ROBIN / BATMAN REBORN (Dick!Bats) ERA

Brothers, by KelpieCodyne (8.5k) - a refreshing and measured look at the divisive events of Red Robin, from Dick’s perspective. bashes no one, hurray!

Bruce is dead, Dick is Batman, and his brother is floundering. In a desperate attempt to save Tim from himself, Dick tries some tough love. It does not go the way he hopes. Or - Red Robin's 'BruceQuest' through the eyes of Dick Grayson.

We've Taken Different Paths, Traveled Different Roads, by Sohotthateveryonedied (2.3k) - brothers 🥺 even in the middle of their Brucequest fight, Tim can show up out of nowhere for a middle-of-the-night pajama party and heartfelt talk.

Dick is suddenly very awake. He bolts upright, staring at the dimly lit figure. “Tim?” “Hi, Dick,” Tim whispers. He isn’t in uniform for once, instead wearing a pair of sweats and a shirt that Dick recognizes as one of Bruce’s. Dick was wondering where that went. “Jesus, kid,” Dick exhales, an uncertain mixture of disbelief and bafflement. “What are you doing here?” Tim and Dick are still in a fight of sorts, or are they? Have they made up yet, or is the terrain still cracked? Dick wants so badly to ask, but just having Tim in the same room as him is already more than Dick could have hoped he’d get.

a conversation at 4:30am, by xscintillate / @scintillyyy (4.6k) - Dick having a nightmare that Tim is dead and checking all of his regular napping spots with increasing paranoia to prove that he's alive, my beloved. such a great look at the brothers, suffused with all of the love they still share post-Brucequest.

dick & tim, post RR#12 because sometimes having a conversation might end up going nowhere, especially if it's one you're not ready for, but it's enough for now

the best of both of us, by @ashynarr (7k) - a lovely pair of conversations between Tim and Dick, working through their conflict in RR and reconnecting after everything.

They used to have a routine, involving shitty take-out, shitty movies, and a bit of shit-talking. Dick wants to restart it, after everything. Tim's not sure if it's that easy. Or: After Harkness' arrest, Dick and Tim have a heart-to-heart. It helps, a little.

there's an endless road to rediscover, by @zahri-melitor (1.2k) - post-RR fic where Dick and Tim skip right to affectionate violence as a gesture of reconciliation, which is so delightfully in-character, tbh.

Sometimes the only way to show that you've moved on and forgiven each other is to take a flying tackle from the ceiling. Dick and Tim know each other's demonstrations of affection. Damian doesn't.

When it Rains, by vellaphoria (5.8k) - an exploration of Tim and Dick's (most recent) experiences with sexual assault, so warnings for past rape. really excellent.

After Cass and Tim return from Paris, something seems... wrong. Dick tries to find out what it is.

nightwing and red robin hit the town (or do they?) by xscintillate / scintillyyy (7.2k) - hilarious reversal of the "Tim is sad Dick never has time to hang out with him because Eldest Daughter Syndrome" trope.

Dick just wants to hang out with Tim on patrol, like old times. It's a shame that everyone else seems to have the same idea. It's fine. Dick'll get him next time.

POST-FLASHPOINT / MODERN ERA

so won't you stay, won't you stay (with me?), by dizarys / @dizaryswrites (1.4k) - beware the ANGST, this one really stomped on my heart 😭 but it's lovely

Dick seized his hands, holding tight. A long moment of silence passed. Tim kept time with Dick’s breathing as it steadily returned to an even pattern. "I'm proud of you for asking for help." His big brother whispered. "But I haven't." "I dunno, TimTam. Breaking into my apartment seems like a cry for help." Tim's having a hard night. So where else does he go but to his big brother's apartment? Whumptober Day 12

go past where our feet could touch, by redboard (Ink) / @upswings (1.5k) - this is such a lovely fic about the brothers having feelings about their long-gone mothers, and Dick seeing himself in Tim and processing things in his own life by being there for him (without sharing his own issues, at least that we see, lol). perfect characterization.

Today Tim was calmer, almost cheerful – as if it was any other Saturday afternoon. But it had also not escaped Dick's notice that Tim had gone on a universe-hopping trip to rescue Bruce, and one of the first things he'd done upon returning was, apparently, unbox a lot of photos of his dead parents. "How was the multiverse?" Dick asked.

WE'RE NOT DEAD (WE WALK)., by orpheusaki / @damianbugs (4.9k) - fantastic whumptober fic. the boys go through it, by god.

Dick is overwhelmed for a moment, filled with clarity and inexplicable confusion as he blinks around him bleary-eyed. There's the familiar itching covering his skin, tiny grains of dark sand invading the cuts that have torn through his suit from the crash. He coughs, throat dry and closing with every gasp of harsh air. The desert is as unforgivable as the last time he was here, an empty expanse of dunes that might just be a trick of the heavy sun against the back of his neck. Dick pushes the panic away behind his eyelids, savoring the darkness before opening his eyes again. Immediately, he sees Tim. Unconscious, hunched over, covered in blood and sand Tim. (Dick and Tim get stranded in the desert, Dick is always moving forward.)

CANON DIVERGENCE

long distance, by unchosenone / bitimdrake (1.7k) - A Red Robin era AU where Bruce is actually dead.

Six months—months—radio silence, and Tim is calling him. Dick doesn’t even know where Tim is. He scrambles for the phone.

Holding the Line, by Birdchild / @birdchildsnest (6.6k) - part 2 of the series and the first part is just as good, but more focused on the Dick&Tim&Damian relationship as a whole. In this, Dick is plagued with nightmares about the people he loves falling, and struggles through the resultant insomnia.

"Dick was used to anxiety dreams, even (or especially) ones about falling and failing to catch people. They weren’t pleasant, but he understood that they were his brain’s way of working through buried fears. The garbage disposal of his subconscious. But these dreams were more like the hyper-vivid nightmares and thrashing night terrors he’d had after his parents’ deaths. And they were constant. Every time he closed his eyes. He didn’t just feel rattled when he woke up; he felt flayed open."   (This will make more sense if you've read "Redrawing the Lines," but it takes place before "Season of Darkness, Season of Light," so you don't need to have read that.)

now the little red lighthouse knew that it was needed, by xscintillate / scintillyyy (22k) - beloved Tim never becomes Robin but shows up in Dick's life and becomes his brother anyway fic of my HEART

"Kid," he says, frustration bleeding through, "I don't know who you think I am, but I can promise you, I don't know anything about any companies. You might want to call the police about this, instead." "No, that's just it," the kid says, "I can't trust the police. I think they're in on it. I think I might get arrested soon. I need—I think I need Nightwing's help." in an alternate universe where jason survives ethiopia--dick and tim still find each other.

this also has a WIP sequel, so the little red lighthouse tried to shine once more, which is equally excellent

well, what would you do if you went back in time?, by xscintillate / scintillyyy (3.5k) - yeah, in retrospect Tim's smug know-it-all tendencies would become exponentially worse if he traveled back in time and actually knew everything, lol. of course he takes the opportunity to be a Pest to both Dick and Bruce c:

tim goes back in time, and prevents certain things--but still makes his appointment at the circus with dick and is kind of a menace (aka: snippets from an au where tim goes back in time and makes it so he doesn't become robin...but he's still just having fun going around and preventing everything he can think of regardless and making sure to bother dick)

the time you won your town the race, by silverwhittlingknife (4.4k) - technically WIP, but absolutely works as a (DEVASTATING) oneshot. It's been well over a year and I still have not recovered tbh.

He doesn’t know exactly what Tim would say. But he knows what Tim would do. Tim dies. Dick doesn’t take death for an answer. A Red Robin 12 AU.

the picture frames have changed and so has your name, by zahri-melitor (24k) - a fix-it it fic for Grant Morrison's 2009 Batman and Robin comic run, which infamously has Dick more-or-less forget that he's supposed to have a close relationship with this alleged "Tim Drake" guy. (Little brother who?)

So, in this fic, Dick literally forgets. Tim notices, and investigates. Also wonderfully highlights Tim's relationships with Helena, Barbara, and the Birds of Prey, and sometimes with Damian.

There’s something wrong with Dick. Tim thought everything was getting back to normal. Bruce was alive and back in their timeline, the Birds of Prey were once again operating out of Gotham, Dick had the city well under control as Batman and even Damian had been less obnoxious than usual. And then during a firefight at a warehouse by the docks, Tim was almost hit by a flying boomerang. And Dick never noticed. When something is wrong with your big brother, who else do you turn to but your big sisters?

Dizzy Edges, by Jojo_Squires / @jojosquires (156k WIP)

A Tim-time-travels-and-interferes-to-make-his-family's-lives-better fic which includes the whole Batfam, but is definitely centered on Dick&Tim and the weird itching dissatisfaction of their missing close relationship from the original timeline - which neither of them can even remember that they're supposed to have.

I leap on my email notifs and stuff new chapters in my mouth as soon as they come out.

Tim Drake didn't quite know what he was agreeing to four years ago, but he tried to make the best of it! Using notes from his past (future?) self, he (somewhat messily) tried to help everyone his other self cared for. Now, it's four years later and he can mostly ignore the second set of memories lying in the back of his brain. It'd be much easier if Dick Grayson would just leave him alone. If Tim believed in destiny he might actually think that the universe cared about what was lost. Dick Grayson has spent the last year feeling like he's veered off course. Something keeps itching at the back of his brain. He's missed some clue. Helena Bertinelli's promised to help him crack down on human trafficking, but Dick thinks her foster kid might actually be more help in that department.

First Priority, by avaya29 / @avayarising (6.8k) - okay so Jason does feature prominently in this one but also he's a hilarious outside observer to Dick&Tim's shenanigans. Also, GLUE TRAP.

As the door opened Tim quickly disabled another three separate electronic sensors in the doorjamb by swiping them with a device that looked a bit like a thumb drive. “Walk where I walk,” he said. He took a big step over the doormat, eyed the floor carefully, then took a careful skipped sidestep to another mat against the right-hand wall, where he removed his shoes. “What the hell?” whispered Jason, still standing in the open doorway. Tim pointed up. There was a net rigged up on the ceiling. “Pressure pads under the carpet.” “I repeat, what the hell? After Tim completely derails Jason's beatdown attempt by asking him for a hug, Jason's first priority is to get this touch-starved kid more cuddles. Tim's first priority is to avoid DIck's traps. Jason learns a lot about his brothers and what happened while he was away, and something about himself too.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Patchwork Siblings, by Raberba_girl (40k) - fluff and whump and we also get both Talon!Dick and regular!Dick being big brothers, which is delightful.

Years ago, young Dick Grayson was taken by the Court of Owls and made into a Talon. When Talon is flung into an alternate universe where Dick Grayson was taken in by Bruce Wayne instead, he latches onto the first familiar person he sees. (Or: Little Bat-stalker Tim Drake is understandably alarmed to find that an undead assassin has imprinted on him.)

5+1 Night's at Freddy's, by cowboymater (6.6k WIP) - okay so this is only the first chapter of an expected six, but it's already a wildly interesting and entertaining scenario with great characterization. my kingdom for 5000 AUs where young Dick and Tim are thrown together into Trials and Tribulations out of nowhere for their brotherly meet-cute.

The 5 nights Tim spent at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza with Robin and the 1 he spent with Batman, OR, this would be the coolest thing that happened to him ever if the animatronics were trying to kill them less, OR, the "Batman meets Freddy Fazbear" fic I found hidden under a loose floorboard in Tim Drake's childhood bedroom.

darling boy, by deitybird (335k) - Fuzzy and funny de-aged!Tim shenanigans, with Dick as his primary caretaker but the whole Batfam getting involved. Author pulls what plot, character, and relationship points they like and want to explore from varied canon (post-Crisis, New 52, Rebirth, Infinite Frontier, Batman the Animated Series, etc.) and fanon to build out that 335k of story, and it's a very fun time. Toddler Tim is such a gremlin ♥

His comm crackles to life. “RR’s suit is in a pile on the floor,” Jason says, voice grim. “But no sign of him. Something bad must’ve happened if he ditched it all.” “I wouldn’t say it’s bad, per se,” Dick replies, gazing down at the kid nestled against his chest. Now that he’s looking properly, he can see hints of his little brother in those small features. “But at least I can confidently say that he’s not dead.” Or: Tim gets de-aged to four. Dick takes care of him.

Under a Parent’s Wing, by IzzyMRDB. (39k) - YMMV on whether this will be your cup of tea, as this is an AU where Dick comes into a parental rather than brotherly role for a younger, AU!Tim, who is also autistic and abused. But it’s also delightful, heartfelt, and a thoughtful exploration of the complicated, difficult situation as given.

Also I would, no lie, read hundreds of fics based on the premise of kid!Tim discovering that THE Dick Grayson (aka THE ORIGINAL ROBIN) is coaching gymnastics classes and using his sneaky determined ways to finagle himself into said classes.

When Tim found out that Dick Grayson was a gymnastics instructor in Bludhaven, he quickly signed up. After all, learning gymnastics from The Nightwing himself is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Dick Grayson is more concerned at the obvious signs of child abuse he sees in one of his students. AKA Dick Grayson, as a childcare worker, is a mandated reporter who knows how to recognize child abuse in his students. Tim Drake, after a lifetime of fear and confusion, learns to trust adults.

[hannigramislife]

"Oh, so you're a jiang cheng apologist-"

Let me make something real fucking clear.

I like Jiang Cheng. I am a Jiang Cheng fan. I like him because that bitch had the entire universe against him and he still triumphed. Impossible what? Jiang Cheng doesn't know what that word means. He cooks impossible for breakfast and feeds it to Jin Ling so that his nephew would take after the Jiang side more.

The only thing Jiang Cheng has to apologize for is serving absolute c*nt in every scene he's in. And when he's done with that, he should apologize for stealing the Jin's thunder, because only one of his outfits could buy Carp Tower. And then, maybe he should apologize for wielding the best spiritual tool so beautifully we forgot other people have spiritual tools.

Never assume I will put fault on a man who went through horrific trauma and reacts in a traumatized way because he was, shocker, traumatized. Also never assume I won't defend him to anyone who talks shit about him in reference to other characters, because this man couldn't have given less of a fuck about the plot, the storyline decided to fuck with him, so he fucked right back.

Valid, is what I say.

[lovemyromance]

ACOTAR FANDOM RANT incoming:

Y'all will never see me commenting on a properly tagged anti-Elriel post just to start a fight or even point out something the OP misconstrued or concluded (however incorrectly).

Ok I've done it maybe like three times, and it was probably back from when I was brand spankin new to this fandom's insanity and didn't understand the rules (learned Very quickly as a result of a bad encounter with the you know who's), or because someone copy pasted my post to "prove me wrong" (they didn't)

I've only been active in this fandom since like February 2024, and I have yet to block anyone, block any tags, or even follow any tags.

I see just as many anti-Elriel posts as I see Elriel posts.

Let that sink in.

I don't "go looking" through the anti-elriel tags, but when you don't follow anything - you get a whole lot of everything in your "for you" page.

I see so many flat out wrong interpretations of canon text or people posting about how during "Gwyn & Azriel's dagger lesson, he let her use Truthteller" or "Elain is secretly so in love with Lucien that she self harms instead of using his gifts"

and you know what I do? I exercise my self-control, and scroll. None of my business.

Clearly, I am not someone who is interested or even out lurking in anti Elriel posts for a fight. And yet, I have so many antis commenting on my posts - getting mad - then blocking ME.

Does that make sense? They came onto my page, to tell me I was wrong, and then got mad when I very logically pointed out the flaws in their logic, and then blocked me.

Facts:

I don't go out and start fights on anti-Elriel posts.

When someone comes to my posts, and starts a fight, I am very respectful of that person. You'll see me calling their interpretation wrong - but you won't see me saying anything about them personally, or calling them names or slurs or anything of that nature.

I do not belittle others

I do not dismiss anyone's trauma

I do not diminish anyone's accomplishments

I am respectful of real people's boundaries

I have never brought up tasteless and crude arguments just to "win a fight"

And if anyone thinks otherwise, then go ahead, feel free to prove me wrong. Receipts are all up there. To this day, I haven't deleted a comment, post, or reblog. I have like 80 posts a day, surely if I have behaved poorly in any way, I would've slipped up by now and you'd be able to find it.

But I know I haven't.

Even when people didn't read my post or understand anything I was saying before coming into my comments to fight with me. Even when someone said my trauma doesn't matter. Even when someone said I was "anti SA victims" (which is really funny, because that was after I reluctantly pointed out that I was unfortunately ALSO an SA victim)

I have never, ever, said anything like that to anyone in this fandom. That's just not who I am.

So then why - WHY - do people think it's okay to send me anons that threaten to find me and get me to "stfu about elriel you fucking c*nt" and tell me to go off myself and if I ship Elriel I'm an abuser?

Genuinely - why is that necessary? Why does someone feel the need to type that out, read it back, nod to themselves like "oh yeah that's good". And then send it to a real person??

What do they think I'm going to do? What purpose does that serve? It's very clearly a troll or some Elucien/Gwynriel that doesn't like what I have to say - but why is this the reaction?

Having a preference for a fictional ship does not make you a bad person. I have not once engaged with ANY EL/GA and called them "anti - SA" or "pro - r*pe culture" if they were fighting with me on my post. I think they're crazy sometimes - don't get me wrong - but I'm not out here thinking someone who ships Elucien is anti-women.

That is crazy. If you think having any preference for a ship makes some a "BAD PERSON", respectfully please log off. Get out of this fandom because you are part of the reason it's gotten so bad.

Stop attacking real people over fucking fictional characters. It's not okay, in any context. And I'm tired of it.

Turning off my anons for at least a little bit, sorry to the ones I haven't gotten around to.

[nalyra-dreaming]

As a big fan of Daniel I’ve mixed feelings about the finale. Absolutely it was fun to see Daniel serve c*nt, loved his glasses and leather jacket. Very fun - I also feel his very energetic vibe definitely affirms that journalism/writing/publishing books that have an impact is his drug (as a certain maker affirmed earlier). But, where is his story going to go now???

Like I feel SO cheated at not only not seeing him being turned, but not seeing him having to adjust at all or struggle/cope with being a vampire? Time skips freaking sucks. Like that is a big change, and I wouldn’t expect them to do it in as much detail as Louis (good TV writers wouldn’t repeat themselves like that, and it wouldn’t be good writing) but I expected something? Like I already was feeling a bit annoyed at how Daniel’s trauma in San Francisco basically just become all about Louis’ and Armand’s dynamic. I didn’t expect DM to happen there (and I loved the episode) but I thought the emotional fallout would be bigger. Like Daniel gets half-a-scene(!) of being upset and devastated, and then the writers very transparently just uses this to make Daniel aggressively suspicious of Armand and as a way to foreshadow the level of Armand’s deception. Like Daniel was obviously angry, but even that was basically only shown as it was useful. I hate when plot is done at the expense of character. Of course when plot and character go hand in hand that is the best, but this wasn’t it?! Like if Rollins meant that Daniel was one of the two who needed the second interview to happen it barely makes sense. There’s only closure in the most shallow sense that Daniel got to find out that he was traumatized and that this did have a negative impact on his life (by an event he couldn’t consciously remember but feel). I presume that is what Rollins meant? It feels really(!) underwritten. Nothing wrong with the idea, but again basically just stated in explanatory dialogue about his exes and kids. Happy to hear a better take on this if anyone has one though? I want to be convinced to be more positive! Of course Daniel isn’t the main character, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that he’s still treated as a three dimensional character.

I don’t know, I just feel upset now at the thought that Daniel’s mainly been turned at this point to become a vampire-chronicler for plot reasons… Like if DM had happened I would expect them to leave us a substantial hint. I’m freaking begging any higher power that Armand’s revulsion at creating a fledgling means something (and is not a red herring like the “you should fear the other one”). And that we’ll revisit it. But I just don’t have faith anymore… Praying that I’m wrong, but if Daniel spends the next season as only a narrative device I’m out (I don’t mind him being a narrative device if he also gets to be a character outside of that - to be clear). Waiting four years for any kind of plot to be resolved after it’s been introduced is too long frankly….(if they aren’t addressing this until season 4). So if we aren’t finding out about the turning or worse - there’s nothing more to it and we’ll get an independent DM plot which begins in pure spite then, I’m freaking sad!

I’m really sorry for the downer post, I just feel I needed to express some of my worries and frustration. Would love to hear what you think, as I’ve often found some comfort reading your blog <3 A more positive take is warmly welcomed! There’s a lot to like about this season, but I just feel a bit lost now… I just wish there was something substantial to hang on to (and the Alice stuff ain’t it)

He is not only turned to be the chronicler. Reread the interviews with Eric re Raglan James, too 😈

There will be a LOT going on. And I just shared the link to the ATx festival, where they also talked DM. Might be worth a watch?^^

It‘ll be alright. I would bet real money on it. They just do it their way.

[f0point5]

i'm new to f1 so could you please tell us what happened in miami with Max? Do you mean him going from p9 to p1?

So, he went from P9-P2 by like lap 15, including a double overtake on Charles and KMag, punching in fastest laps on hard tyres while everyone else was on mediums. Perez was in front then pitted and Max took the lead, Perez came out in P2 and Max built a 17 second gap to Perez on 30-something lap old tyres while Perez was on new tyres. Max then pits on lap 40-something after doing a MEGA stint on hard tyres, comes out a second behind Perez, overtakes him and gaps him another 5 seconds by the end of the race.

He gets out of the car, leans down at points to the number 1 on his car, serving cinematic C*NT 

And from Miami he didn’t lose a race until Singapore.

The background context of this being Checo had had two wins before that (equal to Max) and once Max qualified P9 it was assumed Checo would win Miami which would mean he would take the lead in the championship. The Checo hype train about his world title challenge was in full swing, so Max doing a win celebration like that for the first time ever to remind everyone that they’ve had their fun thinking Checo was ever really coming for him…Hot.

And with the drama of the booing and the online hate, I need him to just downright trounce the rest of the field this weekend. Because what is the point of going through the horror of having abuse sent/yelled at you by thousands of people if the win isn’t serving.

I need cinema. I need supremacy.

I need ✨D O M I N A T I O N✨

(Jk that’s hyperbole but like it would be sweet if Max is getting booed the whole weekend and just goes out there and makes it look like everyone else is driving F2)

[damn-stark]

Chapter 7 Blood on our hands

Tragedy at the Miller’s chapter 7

A/N- someone’s serving c*nt this chapter, so much so that uncle Tommy would be proud. Also there’s one more chapter coming up!

Warning- ANGST, swearing, blood and wounds, violence, long chapter, fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, OC x fem!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x09

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

“Y/N, it’s been a long time,” she says with nonchalance as if her men didn’t just attack you. “Sorry—”

“Where are they?” You cut Marlene off without caring whatever was going to come out of her mouth, without trying to be nice in any way because you knew what being here meant. You were once a Firefly after all, and you can’t be naive anymore.

Marlene sighs. “Your dad is a couple floors above, and Ellie,” she pauses briefly, but it’s enough for you to find suspicion. “Is getting prepped for surgery.”

What?

You blink in confusion and probe immediately. “What are you talking about surgery?”

Marlene sighs, and you ignore your throbbing headache to stand up and shoot her a pointed glare. “Marlene?” You press. “What are you talking about? What’s happening to Ellie?”

“I’ve known you since you were young, when your uncle and you joined us to try and better humanity through all the darkness,” she avoids answering your question, only adding concern and making your annoyance begin to grow. “You left, and I can’t imagine it’s been easy. I mean you’re with your dad again.”

You scoff and stop in your steps before you can get closer to her to let her explain what she’s trying to say.

“But I like to think I still know you,” she continues and takes a step closer to you. “That you still have that same hope for humanity that once blazed in you so bright. I mean I used to admire it, wonder how someone so young still held on through it all. You were an inspiration for a lot of us.” She smiles faintly.

As presumptuous as she is you still have no clue what she’s trying to get at with this sweet talking. What does all this have to do with your question about Ellie?

“Marlene,” you interject. “What are you trying to get at?”

Marlene smirks faintly. “There’s hope y/n. All we fought so hard for has finally accumulated to something bigger than ourselves. All the people we lost finally have meaning, it means that we no longer have to lose anyone else to this virus.”

You narrow your gaze, but not out of more confusion, the words she spoke now are beginning to make sense and pointing to one thing, one person; Ellie.

“Our doctor, he thinks that the Cordyecps in Ellie has grown with her since birth. It produced a kind of chemical messenger. It makes normal Cordyceps think she’s Cordyceps. It’s why she’s immune.”

Okay? So what? Sure you never figured out why exactly she was different, but what does this have to do with anything? Can't they just run their tests and then get what they need, and let you all leave?

She doesn’t have to stay does she? Not if she doesn’t want to?

“He’s gonna remove it from her,” she continues to add, causing you to scoff softly in disbelief at the sound of her words. “Multiply the cells in a lab. Produce those chemical messengers…and then we can give it to everyone.”

It can work? It will work.

Making a cure will work. There was no doubt about that, but what about Ellie? Cordyceps grow in the brain, if they remove it from her that means that…that…Ellie’s life will come to an end? A life for humanity's salvation. And not just any life, her life. The life of the girl that has been like a sister to you, the girl who saved your own life after Henry died, the girl who helped you find the light in the darkness you had gotten lost in after Sarah died. That same girl.

If they get the cure that means Ellie dies….

All this time you believed, truly believed that it was somehow in the blood, that they’d want to keep her with them forever which is why you wanted her to have a choice between staying or leaving, but now; by the sounds of Marlene’s long talk it seems that they don’t want to give her a choice between living and dying.

Should you?

Sam died because of that same damn virus. You’ve had close friends die; good friends. Their deaths will all have meaning. And this is why you came in the first place, to see Ellie off. Life could be a fraction of what you once knew. There can be peace….

You sigh deeply and step back to sit back down on the couch and drop your head, and repeat everything she said to think about the outcomes.

“You can leave,” she adds and continues to approach you. “Now with your dad, we’ll return your packs and guns, give you a car. Or you can stay and see this through with us. Just tell your dad to leave without a fight.”

No matter how you spin things in your mind, it all ends up coming to the same thing, the same person, Ellie.

“What about her?” You finally break your silence and lift your head to meet her gaze.

Marlene swallows thickly and assures you. “We didn’t tell her, we didn’t cause her any fear, and she won’t suffer any pain.”

They didn’t tell her, so what? They don’t need to run more tests? They’re just going to throw her on the medical table and just what? Kill her now?

“Just like that?” You share your thoughts. “No more tests or nothing?”

Marlene shakes her head. “No, the doctor has all he needs.”

You blink rapidly in disbelief, feeling your annoyance and anger heighten.

“So?” You spat. “You’re just going to murder her. You’re not gonna ask what she wants?” You stand up and look at Marlene with a pointed glare, making her step back, and causing a man to push the door open to peek inside. “Immune or not, Ellie is still a human. Have you cared to ask her for her choice? Have you cared to, I don’t know, wait it out? For-for a different alternative,” it slips mindlessly. “One that doesn't involve her to die?”

Marlene lets out a slow deep breath and retorts. “We can’t put the fate of humanity up for gamble for one person.”

It hits you now, like a slap to the face. What good is peace without her? Why did you debate that before? After all Sam and the others are gone already, what good will the cure be for them now?

Sure if giving her life for that hope is something she wants then you won’t fight her, it’s her choice and her choice alone. But if she wants to fight then you’ll fight with her.

“I want to see her,” you blurt and take another step towards Marlene as you can scan the room for your weapons and backpack. “Let me talk to her.”

Marlene’s hopeful look fades away, and annoyance replaces it. “I’m sorry,” she counters. “But I can’t let you do that. It’s going to happen. You can either be a part of it or keep risking your life in this broken world.”

You scoff and take one step towards her. “I just need to give her a choice, humanity has lived through an outbreak for 20 years. I'm sure they can live through a few more minutes, months, years. I don’t care,” you scoff with a scowl on your face and a fury filled glare that makes Marlene uncomfortable. “All I care about right now is her. My dad can take care of himself, you know that.” You smirk. “You know how he is. I know him, he won’t let Ellie die, he’ll fight everyone in this hospital before that happens, but if being the sacrifice is what Ellie wants then I’m the only one who can talk him through it and make him leave without shedding blood. Give me that.”

Marlene holds your gaze and stands in silence as she thinks of what you have to offer.

Yet she doesn’t linger too long and breaks from her stupor to respond back with disappointment in her eyes. “No. And if you’re willing to gamble humanity’s fate then you’re a danger now.” Marlene walks back, and the man walks in with a rifle clung around him and a cuffs in one hand.

You try to swerve past him, but he swings his rifle and smacks your side hard, causing you to stumble and groan, and then letting him grab your wrists to try and cuff your hands together. However, you fight through your sudden pain, and just as he’s about to throw the cuff around one wrist you hastily bite down on his hand hard, causing him to yelp and then let your arm go to slap you across the face with his other hand.

“Y/N! Stop it!” You hear Marlene intervene from the door, but you ignore her and roll your head up to shoot the man a wide grin whilst blood trickles down the cut he made on the corner of your lip, and the blood that trickles out of your nose because of that slap. His face contorts to bewilderment as he holds his hand, so you then slap your hands on his rifle and throw it up to hit him again and again on the face.

Quick footsteps approach thereafter, but you don’t pay attention and instead pull the pistol out of the man’s holster to smack him hard on the head and knock him out. You then spin around on your feet and point your gun at Marlene.

“Had you asked me to give up Ellie a year ago, I would have let you kill her,” you admit. “I was…in a dark place, but I found the one thing that the fireflies are so fond of. I found my own hope; in someone who taught me to love me again,” you smile softly. “Who taught me that it’s okay to love in this cruel world. It’s because of him that my answer changes now. It’s because of him that I let myself love her. I’m sorry you can’t find that.”

The door pushes open and two more armored goons walk in pointing their rifles at you. You try to look for a way through—maybe you can trick them and then slide past them at the last minute to quickly close the door and lock them in—Shooting them won’t work, you shoot one and the other shoots you. You can grab her! That’s right, and threaten her life.

“I'll ask you once more,” you add and fix your stance to get ready. “Let me talk to her. She decides that she wants to do this, then I’ll leave with my dad and never look back. If she says no then well…” you trail off and sigh.

Marlene shakes her head and just as she’s going to say something you kick her knee, making her lose her aim and stumble. You proceed to snatch her gun away from her hand before you kick her down to the ground and point both guns at her.

“Let me pass,” you spat at them and reach down to grab Marlene’s arm and yank her up. “She’s gonna take me to Ellie, I just want to talk.” You press one gun on her back to push her forward as you take one step ahead. “Move or I'll shoot her.”

Both men lift their arms and step aside, letting you keep pushing Marlene forward as you carefully keep walking out of the room. However, just before you can make it out, you manage to hear feet shuffle behind you so you quickly look back, and just as you do, you barely miss one of the man’s knife.

He tries to stab the back of your throat, but you quickly manage to swerve to avoid getting impaled. Albeit the knife still cuts the side of your neck, making you gasp from shock and let go of the guns to grab at your wound that was spilling out blood. You then stumble back and look around in desperation, without knowing what to do.

At the sound of the commotion and lack of gun to her back, Marlene turns around and immediately reacts in shock and anger. “Oh my god,” she gasps, and quickly squeezes her hands on your wound. “Get the fucking first aid! Do you have any idea what you just did?!” She yells at the man who had sliced the side of your neck while she walks you back to the couch. “It’s okay,” she assures you. “Well stitch you up, you’ll be fine.”

“But,” one of the men stammers.

Marlene snaps her head back and spats back. “Do you have any idea what her father is capable of? You’re lucky you didn’t kill her. God only knows what he’d do if you did.” She looks back at you as you’re sitting in shock and shoots you a pointed glare. “This doesn’t change anything. You’re still dangerous, and the only reason I’m not killing you is because of Tommy.”

You try to scoff to counter her, but you’re too scared that any ragged breath or any big breath will make more blood spill out, so you just sit still and catch the man coming in hesitantly with first aid supplies.

However, instead of having Marlene help stitch up your gash, she makes the man do it since she gets up and instead hooks the cuffs around your wrists before you could put up a fight again.

“I’m sorry,” she takes advantage of your silence. “I really wish we could’ve seen eye to eye on this.” She turns to to leave, but you stop her with your interjection.

“My dad,” you whisper to not add too much strain on your neck while the man stops the bleeding. “What’s going to happen to him?”

Marlene sighs. “Let’s just say I don't have the same mercy for him that I have for you.”

——

*NOT MUCH LATER*

Clinking metal echoes out, again and again. Clink.

Clink.

Clink. And clink.

Due to the fact that you’re restrained, weaponless, and have a gash on the side of your neck, making your next move has been slow. You’ve been trying to have hope that Marlene will come to her senses and let Ellie have her choice, because after all it’s her life they’re trying to sacrifice without consent. But in all your waiting there’s been nothing.

You can’t even count on your dad to come through that door in peace, he cares too much about Ellie without a fight, and unless it’s all been some act then you know he won’t agree to Marlene’s choice either. Not unless you talk to him, but that’s impossible now that Marlene thinks of you as dangerous. So what to do?

What to do?

Beg?

Won’t work.

Yell?

No.

You can’t just sit here either and wait it out, your dads life is at risk considering Marlene hinted that she wouldn't hesitate killing him, Ellie’s life is also at risk with only so little time left to get to her and let her decide what she wants before they murder her. So what is there left to do?

You’d be lying if you said that you haven’t thought of letting the doctors just make the cure without asking Ellie what she wants, because it has. Mainly because of Sam’s fate, but what sister would you be if you didn’t try to at least fight for her?

What the fireflies want is understandable, a future, a cure! But the way they want it isn’t right, it’s murder! Ellie deserves a choice. No matter how much love you harbor for her, no matter how selfish you want to be, you want it to be her choice; If she wants to live her life she can, if she wants to be salvation…she can. So how can you give that to her before they murder her?

You look at the door and keep banging your cuffs against the cabinets harder in hopes they’d get annoyed and come in so you can talk to them, but they don’t react, leaving you with the one option you didn’t want to commit. Violence.

With what?

You look down at your hands—-choking them won’t be enough, so you keep looking until you see one small object, a pen left on the desk.

Press hard enough and a pen can be stabbed in a person's eye, or a throat deep enough to end their life. It can work.

Then again you have no other choice but to use it…

You exhale and push yourself off the couch to snatch the pen off the desk and tuck it in your sleeve before you walk to the door and begin pounding it. “Hey!” You call for their attention as loud as you can without using too much muscle on your neck. “Hey! Please! I need help! Please, it's my stitches!” You stop and wait.

But nothing.

“Hey,” you keep begging as you keep hitting the door. “Come on, it’s my stitches, my neck is bleeding! Ima bleed to death!” You slam your forehead against the door and listen.

This time you hear feet shift before keys jingle and the door knob begins to turn, causing you to step back behind the door. The guard then opens the door slowly and steps in.

“Hey,” she immediately notices that you’re nowhere to be seen, so before she can make more commotion you push the door closed. The guard gets startled and immediately spins around to face you, but she only catches your threatening scowl before you lunge towards her and swing your cuffed fists up her jaw, and then slam down on her nose before you kick her down, and lastly slam your foot on her face again.

“I’m going to give you a choice,” you share ironically. “Take me to Ellie with no bloodshed, or…” you trail off and let her guess what comes after that threat.

The guard narrows her gaze and lets go of her gun to slowly lift her arms to show her willingness.

However, that’s what she wants you to believe because just as you’re about to move your foot, she suddenly swings her boot up and kicks you in the back, just on the end of your tailbone. You proceed to quickly stumble back in silence in order not to alert whoever is out in the hall. The guard then counters her own move by swinging her leg under your feet and tripping you.

You fall on your back, and the pen you hid in your sleeve slides back out of reach. The guard then gets off the ground, so you don't linger in your pain and flip around just as she reaches for her gun.

The pen manages to slide back down to your hand, luckily, so since the guard has orders not to shoot you, you let her approach you, you let her grab your arm to try and yank you up. But just as she gets you on your feet, you draw in a deep breath as you clench your jaw, and then swiftly twist your upper body around and use as much force as you can muster to stab the pen on the side of her neck.

The guard immediately lets go of her weapons and begins to choke on her own blood. Luckily since the pen goes in deep enough she can’t scream so she doesn’t alert anyone, she just gurgles as she falls on her knees. All while you exhale and step back from her to just watch her fall as she chokes on her own blood.

“I just need to give her a choice,” you mutter to the dying guard as if trying to reason her death. “You had yours.” You swallow thickly and reach down for the keys to quickly get out of the cuffs, you then grab her body and flip her around to lay her on her back.

“For whatever it is worth I am sorry,” you murmur as you watch her take her last breath.

She made her choice. She chose to fight, so you fought back….

So before anyone else can come you take her coat off her body. It has fresh blood on the front, but it’s not too much, plus you just need it to get out of here without gaining unwanted attention—

“Shots fired!” You get startled by the sound of a static voice coming from a walkie clung on her belt loop. “Shots fired on level 4! All able bodied personal come to level 4!”

Shit. Shit.

It has to be, there’s no one else who has the balls to shoot up the fucking hospital.

Your dad took action already. Fuck! Fuck.

Quickly you zip up the coat and throw on the hood to cover as much of your face as you can. You then reach down for the guards gun and realize it’s your fucking rifle!

Do people think it’s something that can just be passed around?! Fuck her.

Regardless, you step over her body and stop just in front of the door to listen as footsteps run past the room to reach level 4.

However, all except one stops. “Miranda!” They knock on the door. “Marlene says to keep the girl there!”

The person goes quiet, and your heart begins to pound in your ears as the terror that hits you paralyzes you.

You look at the end of the doorway to watch their shadow, and hold your breath as they wait.

“Did you get that Miranda?!” They question.

You slowly begin to raise the gun and point it at the door as you keep your gaze on the end of the door.

There should be no one else out there, the gunshot will mix with the ones you now hear in the distance, so no one will come running. No one will find her until you’re gone.

Therefore, you reach one hand for the knob to open the door and just shoot. But luckily the person runs off, letting you sigh with relief and hang the gun around your shoulder to instead wait until you can’t hear her footsteps anymore to then open the door.

And just in case anyone is out in the hall you make a sharp turn out of the room and head to the elevators for faster transportation so your dad doesn’t do any further harm, before he steals that choice from Ellie.

Moreover, when you do walk outside you spot your backpack on the desk, so you quickly side step towards it to keep your back turned against the hall behind you, and quickly snatch it from the counter.

There’s no questions as to your actions, no other noises, so it must be clear. You don’t want to check either, so you take advantage of the silence in this hall and stride directly towards the elevator. You then wait for a second and when there continues to be nothing you quickly press on the up button, hear the ding from the sign above and wait with your hand around your gun strap.

When the elevator gets to your floor you draw in a nervous breath, and reach for your necklace, but find your neck bare since your dad still has them. Or at least you hope. You haven’t really paid much attention to his neck. There’s been too much on your mind since leaving the resort.

Regardless, as the elevator slowly begins to open you leave your gaze on the ground until there’s enough room for you to walk in.

Albeit, when you look up to walk in the elevator, you don’t end up moving since you catch Marlene inside. Fuck! Fuck!

You rapidly raise your gun to point it at Marlene, but she’s fast too and raises her pistol to point at you too.

“Put the gun down y/n,” Marlene orders with her gun pointed at your chest. “Now.”

You raise your chin, and ignore her threat and her gun to hold her gaze.

“Put the fucking gun down, or I will shoot you.”

You narrow your gaze on her and hold your ground without saying a word.

“This attitude is why you made a perfect firefly,” she mutters and takes a careful step towards you. “That's why I know you won’t be stupid right now.”

You quirk up a brow and shoot her a smirk so she can try you.

And Marlene does, she reaches for your gun, but you don’t hesitate to hit the trigger either.

However, she’s quick, she’s smart. She catches your action and slaps her hand around your wrist to quickly twist it up so the bullet instead makes a dent on the ceiling.

You yelp as she keeps your shooting arm twisted, and Marlene proceeds to disarm you and then shove you back to the wall behind you to point the gun on your head.

“I also know your dad,” she interjects through gritted teeth, and yanks you off the wall to push you ahead of her so you’ll be facing the elevator doors that close now as the sign above glows. “He won’t leave without you. So why not wait for him here?”

She presses her gun at the back of your head and keeps your hand twisted, bringing a writhing pain that makes your eyes water and doesn’t let you fight back. She forces you to wait there outside of the elevator doors because just like she expected the elevator comes to a stop on the floor you’re on.

Part of you hoped that it wasn’t actually him, that he didn’t actually kill Ellie’s choice. The people well, their deaths are tragic but they’re not that significant, it’s her that you care about the most—So that part of you, the part that cares, also wants it to be him too because it also meant that he saved Ellie from being killed. But you mostly hope it’s not him.

You lower your gaze to avoid seeing the person behind the doors out of that same anxiety. When you watch the doors open all you can see is boots, boots you’ve seen on one person for months. It’s him. Yet you still don’t face him, besides now that deep rooted feeling of shame begins to seep back due to the situation you’re stuck in.

“I’ll give you a choice, Joel,” Marlene doesn’t hesitate to output and twists your arm more, causing you to cry out softly, and making your dad step out of the elevator at the sound of you in pain.

“Leave with Ellie and watch your daughter die,” Marlene continues to say her bargain. “Or save your daughter, leave with her, and leave Ellie behind.” She presses the gun harder against your head, and you now slowly lift your eyes, noticing Ellie unconscious in his arms, confirming what you were afraid he’d do, what you couldn’t stop. You then lift your gaze to his face and notice his hardened glare focused on Marlene.

He then feels your stare and shifts his gaze to meet yours, making you, at that moment feel that same shame heighten in you to the point you break. “I’m sorry,” you mutter through thick tears. “I’m sorry, dad.” You shake your head, and notice his eyes soften as hears your unneeded apology. “It was my fault, I’m sorry.”

Your dad shakes his head to assure you of the opposite, he’s going to speak, but then Marlene interjects. “She’s your only daughter Joel. Real daughter. Your little girl. Ellie is nothing to you but cargo, take y/n. I’ll give you a car and weapons,” she offers in exchange even after you assume he killed the other fireflies; considering that none of them have joined you on this floor—“Give me Ellie, wait for the cure to be distributed and live a happy life. Watch y/n have the life she wants, watch her have an actual career, watch her get married, have kids. She will no longer have to suffer, isn’t that what you want? What every parent wants?” She asks. “Doesn’t she deserve that?”

Not if it means murdering Ellie, that’s clear to you even if your own life is on the line. You would never live in peace knowing that you let them kill her without her choosing her own fate, or without saying goodbye.

“And doesn’t Ellie deserve a choice?” You retort in annoyance. “You think of yourself as so high and mighty, but you can’t fathom the thought of letting Ellie choose for herself.”

“To do what?” Marlene redirects and sways to the side. “You can’t keep her safe forever. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up. And then you’ll die. She’ll leave. Then what? How long till she’s torn apart by infected or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that the two of you could have saved.”

You drift your gaze to the corner of your eyes and try to move your hand, but she squeezes her grip tighter, causing you to groan and drop your head. Albeit, that’s when you notice a chance to get out of this position and bring an end to this choice your dad shouldn’t have to make.

You can’t give it away right away though. You wait for the right moment, and instead listen to your dads response. “Maybe. But it isn’t for you to decide.”

“Or you,” Marlene counters. “So what would she decide, huh? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right. And you know it.”

Yeah, because she was so for giving Ellie a choice. Bullshit.

It’s why you choose to go on with your plan now. She’s distracted currently so you lift your gaze and tilt your head to the side, catching your dads attention right away. So as soon as he meets your gaze you point your eyes to your side.

Luckily your dad is smart and doesn’t miss your speechless hint, he actually looks down, letting you point out the chance you have, the one you caught; Marlene's exposed side after she swayed to the side.

As to not give anything away though, your dad returns his gaze back to Marlene, and you stay where you are and wait.

“It’s not too late,” Marlene adds and now loosens her grip around you. “Even now…even after what you’ve done. We can still find a way.”

Your dad killed all the others by the sound of all those gunshots that rang, and the lack of guards that didn't come down. He probably killed the surgeon, so as much as you want—wanted Ellie to have her own choice, it seems that now….well that is probably unlikely. So why make your dad make this choice between her and you?

There’s no other choice now but to get out of here, the three of you.

Hence why you gave him the hint, it’s why you shift slightly as Marlene lets go of your wrist as she thinks your dad has made up his mind, and watch him lift his pistol he holds under Ellie’s legs to hit the trigger without hesitation.

The feeling of the bullet passing right by you makes you tense, and the sound makes you lift your hands to try and cover your ears, but luckily it doesn’t hit you. The bullet hits Marlene directly, causing her to drop her gun off your head as she falls to the ground.

You want to look back at the outcome, you also want to see if anyone would come, but your dad grabs your hand and pulls you in the elevator right away. You only catch a glimpse of Marlene on the ground with blood beginning to spill on the white hospital floor before the elevator doors close to begin moving down.

“Are you okay?” Your dad finally has the chance to ask.

You glance at Ellie still unconscious and make sure she’s breathing whilst you want to counter with questions. But there’s no time now and well, it’s not hard to guess what he did, so instead you just assure his worry. “Yeah, some fucker sliced my neck, but it wasn’t deep enough. I got off lucky. And my hand,” you say and look down at your throbbing wrist. “It’ll heal. She didn’t break it.” You then look over at him and look at him up and down to take in his dirty appearance, his worried look decorating his features, and want to question him, but the doors then open to the garage.

And right away you both walk out and search for a car to use. Thankfully, it’s not hard to find a usable car across the lot that’s getting its battery charged.

“There,” your dad points to the black car you had also spotted. “Help me get her inside,” he adds and walks off quickly, while you blink to look at the elevator doors closing past your shoulder to think about what you couldn’t prevent. What you couldn't give Ellie. And if there’s still a possibility to give her that.

After all, she went through so much to get to this hospital, and all for what? For a short trip she won’t remember because they drugged her, because he took her away?

“Y/N, come on, open the door for me.” Your dad breaks you from your train of thought.

“Yeah,” you say, and then look away from the elevator doors to jog over to where he's waiting to open the door for him.

With no other choice left now, you watch him lay Ellie down in the back. When he steps back you take off the stranger's coat you had as a disguise and put it over her legs.

At least she’s alive; you think to yourself as you step back and grab the door. Pushing everything else aside, at least she’s still here with you.

You sigh softly and begin to push the door close, but that’s when you hear a loud thump on the ground. And you know it’s not your dad because he’s by the hood of the car trying to get it ready, so you proceed to close the car door and look over at him.

Your dad meets your gaze with his usual furrowed brows and points to the car hood that’s still open. “Come get the car goin’.”

Your brows knit together in confusion, but you begin walking over to where he is as he turns and walks away from the car. Once you reach the front of the car you see that Marlene had somehow dragged herself down even as she bled out.

Albeit, she’s not in a good shape, getting down here took all her energy, she’s now coughing out and gasping on the ground. However, you do have to give it to her for trying. She’s a true firefly through and through.

“No,” she groans out as your dad reaches her. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”

You close the hood of the car, and since you might need to make a hasty escape you walk to the drivers side.

“Please,” you hear Marlene whisper between pants. “Let me go.”

You open the car door and get in without trying to fight for her. Why would you? There’s nothing left, he made sure of that. And you love your dad too much to be against him, no matter what wrongs he’s done—what wrongs he will do.

“You’d just come after her,” he mutters to Marlene, and you watch him lift his gun as you close the door.

And once again without a sliver of hesitation he shoots her, this time he makes sure to kill her right away. Now there’s truly nothing left. Now…home.

Thankfully now the way home won’t take months. Of course you didn’t make it back home before your birthday like you promised your uncle Tommy; your birthday actually passed while you were on the road, but Maria should still be pregnant in two days.

However, it’s the silence, the awkward silence that fills the car that will make this car ride eternal, especially since you’re not driving anymore. There’s so many questions you need to ask, complaints you want to throw at him over what he did, but you can’t do that with Ellie passed out in the back, she can wake up at anytime, so you let the silence build and just watch the city pass and smile at the sight of the lush green forest.

You hoped that the silence would stay to avoid spilling everything, but your dad breaks it. “You know, back there…” he pauses, letting you push your head off the window you’re leaning against to look at him—“…I wouldn’t have let you die,” he shares with a brief glance at you.

You can’t help your smile and nod softly. “I know,” you whisper.

“Yeah?” He questions with a slightly concerned look. “I just didn’t want to let you think that I would—”

“Daddy, I know,” you cut him off quietly.

Your dad holds your gaze for a brief second with this soft look, and lets out a relieved sigh before he focuses back on the road and you focus back on the passing green trees.

“Can you promise me something?” Your dad breaks the silence once again.

You blink and slowly meet his gaze again, but don’t answer so he continues. “Don't tell Ellie what I did back there, she doesn’t need to know.”

What? That he didn’t give her a choice? That he snatched that from her after knowing how much it meant to her? Lie about that to her?

You blink rapidly in disbelief and avert your gaze.

“Just let her believe none of it worked and that they’re all gone. Can you do that for me?”

Siblings are meant to have secrets with each other that the parents aren’t aware of. Not a sibling and a parent, it never ends well.

“For how long?” You murmur.

Your dad sighs. “For however long it needs to be kept a secret. She doesn’t need to know. Ever.”

You let out a deep exhale and turn your head to face him and answer, but then Ellie begins to groan, giving away her slow rise back to consciousness.

“What?” She says as you hear her move back there. And as to not give anything away, to not let her see any emotions, you rest your head on the window and close your eyes to pretend to be asleep.

“It’s all right. You’re with me,” your dad assures her. “Take it slow. The drugs are still wearin’ off.”

“Y/N?” She asks, causing you to swallow thickly out of guilt.

“She’s fine, she’s…sleepin’.” He says to her.

You hear Ellie move some more before continuing to speak. “I was with Fireflies and then—what drugs?”

“They were runnin’ some tests on you…” he lies to her. “And some others. Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you…”

No. No.

“…people that are immune.”

Why does he have to say that?

“Dozens of ‘em,” he continues to add to the lies. “And the doctors, they couldn’t make any of it work. They’ve actually—they’ve stopped lookin’ for a cure.”

Let’s hope she believes him now.

“Where are my clothes?” She asks with no clue as to if she does believe him.

“Raiders attacked the hospital. I barely got ya outta there,” he responds. “We’ll find you some new ones on the way.”

“Were people hurt?” She asks.

There’s a moment of silence before he answers with an actual truth. “Yes.”

“Is Marlene okay?”

You clench your hands at the sound of her worry, at the sound of her soft tone. Yet you don’t feel regret for letting Marlene die, no, just that Ellie’s been lied to.

“I’m takin’ us home,” your dad avoids answering her question, but that gives her insight as to what she wanted to know. No.

It’s because of his non answer that you hear her turn around, letting him add one more genuine thing. “I’m sorry.”

Let’s hope she does believe him.

——

*LATER. WYOMING*

The air smelled like home, it made you eager to actually be home; to see your uncle Tommy, Maria, your friends, to just be home. But you’re still a few hours away from actually getting home thanks to the fucking car that broke down!

Albeit at least it didn’t break down earlier and made this trip any longer.

“Well,” your dad breaks the news. “She got us close enough.” He closes the hood of the car, and you turn around to kick a rock and groan in annoyance.

“We gotta walk the rest of the way,” he adds as you hear his footsteps recede from the hood of the car. “Probably about a five-hour hike…but we can manage that. Remember?”

You peer back to see Ellie’s reaction, but the sun hitting the windshield blocks the view, only letting you hear what you assume is slight joy. “Yeah.”

“You ready over there?” Your dad directs his question to you as he steps away from the car to begin walking towards you at the front of the car.

You groan and look at the path ahead. “I’m so ready,” you feign a smile. “I’m eager.”

Your dad falls by you and scoffs. “It’s not long now. We’ll make it there by lunch time.” He shields his eyes and sighs. “I think Maria might kill me this time. With her look alone.”

You laugh. “Nah. I'm comin’ back home in one piece….but maybe once she’s had her baby she will.”

Additional footsteps approach you, so you break away from the spot you had stood at and begin treading that five hour hike.

“All for what?” Your dad quips in a lighthearted tone. “That little cut? Please.”

You shrug. “She’s protective of me, but regardless, rest assured I brought her a bribing present and a heartwarming apology.” You look over your shoulder and smile widely. “I’m still very good at cryin’ on cue, that wins her over.”

Your dad flashes you a smile before looking back at Ellie as she’s lingering behind the two of you. “You shoulda seen her when she was a little girl, she was so dramatic that she learned how to shed the best crocodile tears. Always knew how to get me to do what she wanted.”

“Still can,” you look back at her and wink. “It’s all in the eyes.”

Ellie lets out a soft scoff and nods without saying anything, she stays quiet like she has been for the best couple months, since she’s woken up. But you can say you understand why she’s behaving as such, you’d be quiet too if suddenly that hope to be humanity’s savior was snateched from you without knowing what really happened, and only being able to hear the events from someone else.

She doesn’t deserve to feel such a heavy sorrow, she deserves to be happy, to feel all the lows and highs of being a teenager without such a heavy burden or such a broken heart. So that’s probably the only good reason why….you haven’t told the truth, why it doesn’t bother you that your dad killed everyone in the hospital and stole away her choice out of a selfish act of love. Because if she knew, she’d only know betrayal and even deeper agony that would break her. You want to protect her from feeling that because you know what those feelings bring, darkness.

It’s too bad you couldn’t actually prevent the risk of having her feel it….

Nevertheless, the walk is long, but not hard since it isn’t too hot and the wind is graceful. There is conversation so it isn’t always quiet, but it’s always mostly between your dad and you, Ellie just remains quiet most of the time. The hike isn’t filled with obstacles either, nor with danger, so it’s easy. The only thing that was pesky was your eagerness to get home that’s heightened the closer you get.

“You know, Sarah, y/n, and I used to hike like this all the time,” your dad breaks the silence that had filled your small group, making you smile softly and peer back at him.

“I wouldn't say it was her favorite thing,” he continues. “She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitoes and such. But she was a big climber…or scampering. That’s probably the right word. That girl…she’d see a big rock, and just…pew.”

You grin and try to recall memories, but nothing comes to mind.

“What about y/n?” Ellie probes, causing you to turn around to face your dad as if that will make a difference.

“She was a little girl so when she wasn’t clung on my back she was on a little red wagon. Besides, y/n she liked more of the water activities, swimmin’, she liked to help me and Tommy fish.” He shoots you a small smile. “Actually one time she helped me unhook a fish and…”

Oh this story, yes, you remember it clearly. How funny…

“She actually,” he says between laughs. “Got smacked by the tail. Right on the face,” he points to his own face. “It left a mark for days, I could not get her to stop cryin’.”

“Nor could uncle Tommy stop laughin’,” you grumble and turn back around. “He still does by the way. Never lets me live it down. Especially when he’s drunk, “oh do you remember when you got slapped by a fish, Sunny,” you mock his voice. ““So there was this one time….” Pft,” you blow out air.

“It’s too funny to let you live it down,” your dad teases.

You shoot him back a pointed glare and feign a dry laugh.

“No, but,” your dad continues. “Sarah woulda liked you, Ellie.”

You sigh and lose your annoyance to smile softly again.

“Not to say the two of you are the same. Definitely different.”

“How so?” Ellie chooses to investigate that comment.

“Well, she was a lot more…I wanna say girly. And I’m not sayin’ that you’re not girly,” he tries to assure Ellie.

“I’m not,” she quickly rebuttals.

“Yeah, you’re not,” your dad agrees. “So that,” he chuckles. “She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you don’t,” he assures her. “But you know why I think she’d like you?”

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re funny. I think you would’ve made her laugh.”

You look back and nod in agreement.

“Anyway,” your dad continues after Ellie’s silence. “I bet you would’ve liked her back.”

You look back ahead and hear Ellie agree. “Yeah, bet I would've.”

You smile softly at her response and can’t help but imagine having Sarah here. It’s hard to say how she would’ve been like considering she would’ve been, what? In her thirties, but you know she’d be happy to have Ellie, to have a different dynamic in your little family considering Ellie is different from you too. Plus, she would’ve liked that Ellie could make your dad smile, you know you do.

Regardless, as you continue leading the way, your smile quickly breaks into an excited grin as you spot a clearing just past the end of the tree line, finally. So without hesitation you break into a sprint to the end, knowing what lies just beyond the end woods and at the top of the green hill.

“Y/N!” Your dad calls out. “Careful!”

Disregarding his warning you maneuver through the tree branches in the way, you duck under a fallen tree stuck on another, and only feel your enthusiasm make your heart pound faster. You don’t stop running until finally you see it in the clear and green horizon, home. Finally, after what’s been a difficult couple months, complete and utter happiness fills your heart.

“There it is,” you point out with a happy grin as Ellie and your dad catch up. “Home,” you let out with a relieved sigh.

From on top of this spring hill, Jackson is a lot larger than you thought of it being. It’s big, but it only means it’s full of people, it’s a small reminder of humanity without the monsters.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees. “Not much further now.”

You try to squeal out of joy, but that hurts to do because of your wound, so you just keep grinning as you continue walking ahead beside your dad now.

“Hey, wait,” Ellie calls out, making your dad stop right away, and making you slow down before stopping a few paces ahead of him.

“Fuck,” you catch Ellie whisper, causing you to shift around and catch her fall in front of your dad to continue. “Back in Kansas City you asked me about the first time I killed someone.”

Your smile falls, and a pit in your heart begins to grow as you feel nothing good coming from what she’s saying.

“When I got bit in the mall, I-I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there,” she sniffles. “And she got bit, too. We didn't know what to do, and she says, “we can just wait it out…”

Oh god…no. You knew it, nothing good.

“….be all poetic and just lose our minds together.” And then she did. And I had to—“ she pauses, but it’s not hard to decipher what she meant, what she had to do—she had to kill her friend. “Her name was Riley…and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess….”

Wait. What? Yes you knew something might’ve happened to not see her with your dad, but you never…you never came to the conclusion that she was dead. You never asked either, but you never—that never came to mind.

Fuck.

You never got to know her well, but from what your uncle Tommy said about your dads life from the messages they’d send through radio before, Tess was in his life for a long time. Damn….

It’s not sad news for you, but it’s surprising that’s all.

“…and then Sam,” Ellie adds, making you now drop your gaze to the wild flowers around your feet.

“That's not on you,” your dad interjects.

“I know, but—”

“Look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope,” your dad cuts Ellie off. “You can feel…like you’ve come to an end….and you don’t know what to do next. But if you just keep goin’…you find something new to fight for.” He glances at you, and you offer him a very faint smile.

“And maybe that’s not what—”

“Swear to me,” Ellie cuts him off abruptly. “Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.”

You swallow thickly out of guilt, but hide your emotions well in the flowers around you just in case Ellie is trying to read you too.

“I swear,” you hear your dad lie with no remorse.

A moment of silence passes, a heavy silence you feel immediately, so you look up and catch Ellie’s furrowed brows, pointed gaze, and unrelieved look before she nods and mutters softly. “Okay.”

It doesn’t sound convinced though, you can tell that, you can see her glistening eyes. You can see a shift in her look. What should be a relieving moment seems to be filled with tension. Yet you don’t know how much she believes, or if she’s just disappointed by the answer, but you can tell that there’s a rift between her and your dad now. Her look alone gives that way. After all, you've once looked at him like that too; same narrowed glare, same long frown, and disappointed look.

What would Sarah do? You can’t help but think now, at this very moment as you remember her by looking at the pretty flowers that decorate the green hill. Would she go against your dad and tell her the truth, or hide it like you are now and carry the burden of the truth for her sake, for the purpose of not seeing her heartbreak. Would she risk her relationship with Ellie, the trust, for her own sake?

You look at Ellie and watch her turn away from your dad to finally continue walking home. You then look at home, and then at your dad as he stops by you without saying anything.

After all she’s been through…

You watch her again and sigh with tears beginning to sting your eyes.

….you can’t break her heart. You can’t do that to her. You’ll carry the burden for her sake, for his sake as well.

Yet it doesn’t mean he won’t hear what you have to say, the disappointment you feel for his choices, he’ll hear it, just not now. So you shove away your need to cry and bring back the happiness you felt for returning home. You break away from your dads side without a word, only a guilty look, and trot down to join her side.

You hoped it’d be a quiet walk, but she surprisingly breaks it.

“So what? Are you happy to see your lover boy?”

You blink rapidly in disbelief and scoff softly before you retort. “What are you talkin’ about?”

Ellie shoots you a faint smirk. “That guy you were batting your eyelashes at when we first got to Jackson.”

You scoff and roll your eyes in annoyance, but you’re actually left speechless.

“What?” She quips. “Just ‘cause you lost one boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t get another. I mean isn’t that how life works?”

You squint your gaze on her in slight disbelief to what she’s saying and actually interject now. “Where is this comin’ from? Huh?” You tease her. “Is this, like, dating advice?” You quirk a brow and smirk.

Ellie’s lips begin to pull to a smile and she shrugs. “I’m just saying I mean it’s not like your dad is going to give you this kind of advice.”

“Oh, and you will, a 14 year old?”

“15 now,” she corrects you.

“Whatever,” you quip. “Same thing.”

“Well,” Ellie sighs. “I'm just saying. Are you happy or not?”

You avert your eyes and shrug. “I guess it depends, doesn't it?”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “But if it doesn’t work out then you can always date Henry’s ghost for the rest of your life.”

You giggle and shake your head.

“Or we can do shit like—”

“Become astronauts and fly to the moon?” You cut her off with a smile.

Ellie meets your gaze and nods. “Yeah. We can do that.”

You nod softly. “We'll see then. Who knows you might beat me and meet someone first. There’s boys and girls your age there.”

Ellie shrugs and huffs out. “We’ll see. I like the moon idea. We could…live in a space station over earth, go to the moon whenever we want and not have to worry about anything down here.”

You look at the green path ahead and let out a deep sigh. “Yeah. I like the sound of that. It’d be a killer view too.”

“Just you and me,” she whispers.

——

“It’s just you and me now, Sunny,” he mutters over the sound of the pattering rain.

You sigh deeply, and watch the rain fall over the patch of green forest below the hill with a sad frown, with an ache in your heart that was left when your dad left you.

“Yeah,” you whisper and glance up at your uncle Tommy with a small smile.

He meets your gaze and offers you a wider smile that he tries to use to assure you. You hold his gaze for a second before you drop your head and look at the wet grass beneath your feet with deep sorrow in your heart.

It’s not so weird that you came back to this moment in your mind, Ellie’s words triggered them to reappear. Nor is it weird that you couldn’t stop thinking of it until now, until you saw your uncle Tommy. Your home.

“Uncle Tommy!” You exclaim before you throw your arms around his neck with a happy grin on your lips.

“Sunny,” he whispers softly by your ear as he hugs you back with more force.

Being apart this time wasn’t as long as before, but months still feel eternal, and well no one knows what can happen to anyone so seeing him even after a few days is a delight.

“You said a month,” he remarks. “You missed your party.”

You sigh and pull back to face him and talk back, but he catches the bandage over your wound on the side of your neck, and his face expression contorts with concern.

“I’m okay,” you quickly assure him as he turns your head so he can take a better look. “I’ll be okay. It’s not deep. You.” You pull back and grab a hold of his hands with a tight squeeze as you grow worried. “The baby?”

A smile once again breaks on his features and he shakes his head. “Not born yet.”

You clasps your hands together and squeal with happiness. At least you didn’t miss that.

“Good, I’m glad,” you retort and step back to let your dad greet his brother.

“You’re still alive,” your uncle teases your dad whilst you twist around and search the patrol group that had come out to greet you before you could reach the gate.

This time around since Maria is heavily pregnant she isn’t one amongst them, neither is Apollo or his dog Achilles….hm. Hopefully, they’re okay.

Something else that changed this time around was the confrontation, it wasn’t hostile or full of terror since now you know the dog won’t detect the cordyceps on Ellie. And since your uncle was out here, your dad nor Ellie’s intentions were questioned, leading you to actually get home quicker this time.

And just like before, when you walk past the gates you’re taken aback by the liveliness of it all. Snow didn’t cover the ground, and the holiday decorations didn’t decorate the town, but the sky was clear, the sun was softly shining from above, and the town was full of color due to the colorful flowers that now replaced the holiday decorations.

“Okay, but don’t think you guys are off the hook,” you interject as you let your shoulders fall, and rest your head on the horse your uncle let you ride home so you wouldn't be on your feet any longer. “I still want my birthday party. Birthday week!” You exclaim. “I have it all planned.” You say and throw your hands out dramatically.

Your uncle grins softly. “Do ya know?” He retorts.

You hum in agreement and nod as you meet your dads gaze now too. “First day, bam, breakfast outside, fancy dress code, pancakes, coffee, fruit, chocolate chip cookies, eggs. Second day…” you trail off and gasp softly as the sight of Apollo walking out of the school his father taught at, catches your eye.

For a moment it’s only him you see amongst the crowd of people, time even seems to pass by in slow motion even if your heart begins to race as you watch him walk down the street. He doesn’t spot you since you’re sort of in the middle of the walking-in crowd, and his eyes are just focused on the ground.

“Apollo!” You yell out even if that hurts the muscles on your neck, and proceed to shoot up before you throw your leg over the horse to slide off sloppily since you’re hardly paying attention. “Apollo!” You yell out again and this time catch his attention and cause him to stop in his tracks.

You almost fall when your feet hit the ground, but you don’t pay any mind—Your dad does though. “Jesus Christ, y/n, careful.”

“There she goes,” Ellie comments as she watches you maneuver past the horses.

“Apollo!” You keep yelling out your friend's name with glee. “Apollo! Apollo!”

Said man's lips spread to a beaming grin and he doesn’t hesitate to also break into a sprint. “Y/N!” You hear him shout.

And before you know it, once all the barriers of space are broken you meet halfway and hop to throw your arms around him.

Apollo doesn’t falter and grabs onto you with all his might. You proceed to giggle and dig your face in the crook of his neck, taking in his fresh and clean scent, and feeling like yourself again; no guilt for what you had to hide, no fear, nothing bad, just ease and joy. The feelings make you linger in his arms for a moment longer until you have to pull away.

“Did you just back?” He asks with an awed smile.

You nod and keep holding onto his arms. “Yeah, I just got back. I missed you out on patrol.”

He scoffs. “Got today off. Damn shame now.” He catches your long bandage on your neck and his face falls. “Is this fresh?”

You sigh and shake your head. “I’ll be fine. Just a cut. You should see what I did,” you clear your throat and smirk smugly. “Pen move. Lodged on the throat.”

“Is that right? I would've liked to see it. Maybe you can show me later.”

Your smirk softens. “Oh yeah, I could.”

Apollo shoots you a grin and holds your gaze with a soft look that makes your breath hitch, and for you to begin to grow hot under his gaze. However, you don’t look away, your smile softens, and you keep holding his gaze even as your heart begins to race again.

You actually catch his gaze flicker down, so you mimic his actions and see his lips part slightly, making him lean in just a bit.

Yet before anything can happen suddenly the sound of your name being yelled out breaks the tension. When Apollo and you look over, he quickly groans in annoyance, but you smile as you see his brother and your friend Atlas, and their dog Achilles running at you.

The dog beats him to you, but when Atlas reaches you he makes you stumble as he throws his arms around you and his brother in front of you.

“You’re still alive you fucker,” Atlas says to you.

Your lips pulls to a grin and you nod. “Always. You need to stop doubting me.”

He chuckles and pulls back, ignoring his brothers annoyance and just focusing on you. “I have to, who would I be if I didn’t?” He retorts.

You roll your eyes.

“I’d be crushed if I kept up my expectations,” Atlas adds quieter. “I’m happy to see you home.” He smiles and pats your shoulder. “Someone missed you terribly.” His gaze bounces to his brother, but he snickers and plays it off by then petting Achilles. “This old fucker here.”

“Ah, well,” you play along with him and slide your arm off him to touch your chest. “I’m here to stay this time. For good.”

“Really?” Apollo challenges. “You being for real?”

You hum and nod as you step back from both boys. “Swear.”

Apollo can’t help but smile, and Atlas just counters you. “We’ll see won't we.”

You scoff, but don’t try to argue, instead you let out a deep breath and point back to the group most likely already at the dinning hall. “I’ll see you boys at home, y’all still live there right?”

Apollo smiles and nods. “Of course. Why would we leave…I’ve been waiting for you to come back.”

You smile softly and don’t add on to his comment because of Atlas beside you, but you understand his reference and nod. “I’m going to grab lunch,” you tell them. “I’m starving. Get…the tequila ready, yeah? Birthday shots?”

Atlas quickly rebuttals as you walk back. “No, your birthday passed!”

You shrug. “Doesn’t matter. Have it ready!” You shoot Apollo one last smile. “Let’s talk later, yes?”

“You know I always have time for you.” He shouts back with a smirk.

You grin at him before you turn around and catch up with your family waiting for you outside of the hall. And once you get close your dad and uncle head inside whilst you linger behind with Ellie, all because she wants to pass you a teasing look.

“What?” You retort and know exactly what that look is for. “I’m just happy to see him.” You open the door and let her walk in first.

“Sure.” She chuckles. “Sure it’s just that.”

“Whatever,” you scoff with a giddy smile.

——

*LATER*

Having babies during this never ending pandemic seemed like such a selfish act to you before, you thought of the people as selfish for wanting to have and raise their kids during this apocalypse. But after meeting Henry, after learning to love again because of him, that thought disappeared.

Now you couldn’t be happier for Maria and your uncle Tommy. Now as you feel their baby kick inside her you also kind of long for such a bliss.

“You pick a name yet?” You ask Maria as you have your ear pressed against her belly.

“No,” she says. “Not yet. We’re waiting until the baby’s born to give it a name.”

You hum and then beam at the open air ahead of you. “I’m so glad I made it back in time to feel this.”

“I almost thought you wouldn't,” Maria retorts with some sass behind her comment.

You scoff softly. “You know he’d bring me back home.”

Maria sighs, so you lift your head off her belly to sit up and face her with a more serious look on your features.

“Look, I know he’s not your favorite person, but he’s still my dad, he’s still my uncle Tommy’s brother, making him your brother-in-law, so you have to suck it up and start coming around. Besides, when it comes down to it you wouldn't want anyone else having your back but him, he’s good, and protective.”

Maria holds your gaze and swallows thickly out of hesitation. After all she’s heard you can’t really blame her, she’s being protective too over you and your uncle, but now your dad is here to stay. She can’t live on hating him in this small town.

“Do you trust him?” She asks with a narrowed gaze. “It doesn’t matter if he’s your dad, push that aside. Do you trust him?”

Without hesitation you nod. “I do,” you assure her because it’s not your trust that’s at play here, no, you’re just upset and disappointed. “He’s earned it,” you add and clasp your hands together whilst you watch the wind sweep over the spring flowers in your meadow.

“Okay,” Maria sighs, “then I’ll be less…hostile. I’ll try.”

You drift your eyes over to her and shoot her a smile. “Good. That’s all I ask, all uncle Tommy and I ask.”

A moment of silence passes where all you hear is the soft howl of the wind brush over your ear, where all you do is watch the pretty and delicate flowers dance gracefully in your meadow. But Maria then breaks that moment. “Are you going to talk about why you left the second time, and came back all beat up?”

Shit.

You blink and drop your gaze whilst it slowly begins to harden and lose all the softens it held over the meaning of her question, and what it asks from you—lies.

More lies. You can’t tell her about Ellie, about where you went and what happened on the trip. At least you can’t say all that involves the fireflies. She’d hate your dad more than she already does, she’d just stir trouble.

Albeit there's a knot in your throat that threatens to undo so you can just throw up everything in some kind of word vomit.

But you can’t, you have to avert your gaze to avoid breaking. And luckily the back door opens, and when you look back you’re thankful to see your dad here to save you from breaking.

“Daddy,” you greet and quickly push yourself to your feet to avoid what came up.

Said man forms his lips into a tight lipped smile when he notices Maria, and slowly begins to wander over to where you are. “Sorry,” he interjects and meets Maria’s gaze. “I don’t mean to interrupt.”

You shake your head and answer right away. “No, no it’s okay. Come over.” You see his gaze flicker to the flower meadow and linger there for a moment before his gaze falls on Maria and you—“Everything okay? Or did you just come to visit?” You ask.

He nods stiffly. “Yeah. I came to visit.”

The wood from the bench swing creaks, stealing your attention. And when you look back you see Maria getting up. “I’ll go then and leave the two of you alone.”

Your dad doesn’t put up a fight to try and be nice, he nods and mutters, “yeah, okay, thanks. Sorry again.”

Maria shakes her head to assure him that it’s fine before beginning to walk away. And just as she makes it on the patio she glances over her shoulder. “I’ll see the both of you at dinner.”

You offer her a kind smile and nod in agreement, she then finally leaves the area when she walks inside, leaving your dad and you alone in a silence that feels quite comfortable.

“Sit, please,” you point to the bench as you sit back down.

Your dad lets out a deep sigh before slowly making his way to sit beside you.

“I grew it in memory of Sarah,” you let him know right away. “The meadow. I mean,” you sigh and smile a wobbly smile. “I’d already see her in the gentle flowers when I had no picture of her, everytime we were out trying to survive. I’d see her in the delicate and beautiful butterflies that flutter on them, so…I grew this meadow when I got here to see her all the time.” You drop your head and sniffle.

“It’s,” your dad mutters in a shaky voice. “It’s sweet. I like it. I’m sure she’d love it too.”

You smile softly and nod, you look at the flowers again and now as you remember your sister you also can’t help but remember the new burden you carry, and you have yet to talk about with your dad.

“Where’s Ellie?” You ask with a fading smile.

“Home,” he says. “She wanted to stay home.”

She’s thinking about what she failed to do isn't she? You know she is. You saw her overthinking behind her solemn look she carried ever since she woke up. You saw her disappointment after she asked your father for reassurance over what he said happened. You could hear her heartbreak when she questioned your dads fake story in the car.

So if you saw and heard all that, you know he did too.

“Why?” You break the silence that had built. “Why did you do it?” You ask, but not with anger laced in your voice, not disappointment; your voice is soft and filled with genuine wonder.

“They were gonna kill her,” he mutters out with no remorse behind his voice. “They were gonna kill her for it without giving her a choice.”

You briefly shut your eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Did you give her a choice?” You ask him and blink to look at him, to watch as he meets your own gaze. “Did you give her a choice before you took her, before you killed everyone in that hospital including that doctor?”

Your dad holds your gaze and now you see that once hardened look turn soft. “I couldn’t lose her,” he says quietly. “You have to understand that.”

More than anything. You love her too.

“I do,” you whisper, but begin to shake your head. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. It doesn’t mean you weren’t selfish.”

“I’d do the same thing with you,” he rebuttals. “In a heartbeat—”

“You were wrong!” You cut him off in an emotional outburst. “You were wrong!” You shout again and jump to your feet to continue facing him. “You were selfish for taking that chance from humanity, even after all we’ve seen, all those people I’ve lost, that we’ve lost in the way,” your voice quivers. “You disrespected her by taking that choice away from her. I…I grew to love her too, I did,” you nod and feel your eyes fill with tears. “She made me find myself after being lost for so long without Sarah. But,” you swallow back your tears. “I would have given her that choice, if she said she wanted to live then I would have helped you get her out by doing whatever I took, but you….didn’t give her a choice.”

Your dad drops his head and watches the flowers in the meadow. He stays silent, letting you let out a deep shaky breath to calm down that anger you had held in.

“If you’re asking me to regret what I did,” he breaks his silence with no anger, his voice remains soft. “I won’t.” He meets your gaze with exactly that, no regret. “I won’t regret what I did because I did it for her, so she can live. I did it for us, for our family. If it was you in her position I’d do it too in a heartbeat, damn the consequences. I wouldn’t even care if you spent all your life hatin’ me because at least you’re alive to do that. The same goes for Ellie.”

That doesn’t take away from your anger and disappointment, but it does help you better understand his reasonings behind his actions.

“And if she ever finds out,” he continues as you remain quiet, unable to find something to argue back with. “I’ll never let her blame you because it was all me. But I hope that she doesn’t find out, she doesn’t deserve to live with that heartbreak, she deserves a good life. She can have that here with us. So that’s all I ask from you, don’t tell her. Please.”

You hold his gaze for a brief second as you think about what he asks from you, as you debate whether to listen or not.

You then proceed to sit back beside him on the bench, you watch the flowers and think about your thought process before, when you stood on that hill that overlooked Jackson. You remember what you came up with then; you want to save Ellie from the darkness that his betrayal would bring, because you also want her to have a good life.

That’s the only reason why you’re agreeing to carrying that burden too.

“I won’t,” you assure your dad. “I won’t tell her. I swear.”

Your dad nods, but keeps holding your gaze with anguish. “Does this change anythin’ between us?” He asks, catching you by surprise. “Because I can’t…I can’t lose you babygirl. Not again.”

You quickly shake your head and speak your truth with a gentle smile. “No, of course not.”

Your dad nods softly as he lets out a deep relieved sigh.

“I was just angry,” you share. “I just needed you to hear what I had to say, that’s all, but no I don’t want that to change us.” You grab his hand and give it an assuring squeeze. “Because regardless of it all, omitting this truth from her is for her own sake now.”

“Yeah,” your dad agrees with a nod. “It is. It’s for her...”

“For Ellie,” you finish his sentence.

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion

[re-re-redline]

-confession hcs: mitchel-

foreword: I- y-u h—en’- —ad t-e Ro—n-e H-adc—-ns - d— —r C-ns—nt-ne, t—n I adv—e th— -ou — s—-e t-is -s - d—-ct c——nuat—n -f co—ep-s a— e—-ts t—t ha——-d (o- w—ld hap—n —y b- - b—-er phra—) i- —at s— o- —ad—no-s. In le-s wo—s, —u ma- f-nd y—rse-f - b— co——ed. -t t-is p—se, I d-n’t h—e t-at ma— p—-s so scrol—— thro—h -y pr—-le —-uldn’t -e t-o mu-h of a cho— at t-e ti— of w—-ing. -ut o—e I h-ve mor- th—gs u—er my b-lt, I’-l m—- a M—ter—st.

Warm is the word that comes to mind. Ever since he materialized in this paper colored world, he was cold. A fact that he didn’t quite register until he held your hand in his one day. Ever since then, he longed for warmth. Blankets, mittens, and jackets—they all served their purpose nicely, but that was all. They provided nothing more than an artificial way to retain the little heat his body gave. But even so, Constantine yearned for something more.

Another time, you hugged him. At its face it was nothing special, simply a gesture of gratitude for aiding you in getting out of having to do extra push-ups. The moment lasted for less than a minute, yet it’s presence lingered for long after. Through his extra layers, the blazer and waistcoat, he could feel it. Warmth, but of a different kind. It was something much more full and hearty, intense. It was you and it was overwhelming for the short duration that it happened, a burning sensation. What lingered thereafter kept the all too familiar chill at bay, and Constantine couldn’t help but feel bereft upon its disappearance. He wanted more.

Not too long after, Constantine found himself with burns from you again. But this time was different, you hadn’t even laid a finger on him. It was a discussion shared in his room. You had come to drop off a letter from Don Quixote but ended up sticking around for longer than intended. A point of interest on the walls. A single acrylic tile containing various flowers sat above his bed. At the time, his room wasn’t fully decorated nor nearly as organized as it is today, thus casting a spotlight on the lonesome, colorful square. You inquired about where it came from to which he happily explained. The flowers came from several people at several different points in time for several different reasons. The roses were from Nero as gift for helping her put together a concert, the chrysanthemums were from Miss Crane for New Year’s, the dandelions were from Paris and Asterios—so on and so forth. The conversation then turned into how the tile came to be, the trials and tribulations of creating something of this nature for the first time. He paused midway through after not hearing you respond for some time to check on you, only to have your visage set him aflame. Your expression at that point in time was unforgettable, something he’d think back to frequently. Your eyes shimmered with curiosity and attentiveness, your lips curled into a small smile—both zeroed in on him and him only. You hadn’t once spaced out during his, admittedly, long winded explanation and it showed in the way you were patiently waiting for him to continue. The burning sensation left him stunned, so much so that he almost didn’t catch you asking if he was alright. He managed to catch his breath and continued his explanation once more, his face several degrees hotter than normal.

With the raises in temperature you brought lay something else under the surface. Something that Constantine had been ignoring just fine until one innocuous look backwards in time. Constant thoughts of you, wondering when you two will hang out again and being excited at the prospect, noticing things you’d like or would need and the subsequent desire to give them to you, the warmth he feels because of you…They all pointed to a disturbing conclusion. One that made him reject his feelings down to the very circumstances of their existence.

Then he felt cold.

endnote:

[jerzwriter]

Here’s a food for thought in regards to your dirty secrets which are NOW out in the open:

You’re the fakest fucking bitch ever in Tumblr to ever exist along with your precious Jamespotterthefirst and your little crew. You love to bully others who don’t write Open Heart fanfiction but yet you bully others who write “Laws of Attraction” fan fiction and hate on the book. By the way, @flowernewsqueen is the “Queen of Laws of Attraction” skills and she’s much more better than you. Do not act like you don’t know her because she’s a gem in the fandom over on instagram. So go fuck yourself for talking shit about her and anyone else who loves the book.

You ruined everything with the characters of Ethan Ramsey and Tobias. Get help you fucking cunt.

Uh... Nonny... sweet, sweet Nonny... you may want to have your meds adjusted. No shame in that game, really. I do it when needed, and I suggest you should too. Trust me.

This is my face at the moment because:

a) I bully those who don't write OH? Uhm. OK. I actually write for stories other than OH and want to expand on that... and I spend an insane amount of time running CFWC to support all Choices creators. But you listen to those voices in your head, boo. Like - what do you do to support anyone else in the fandom? Send sweet messages like this? It's unimpressive, honestly.

b) I hate Laws of Attraction? Really? That's news to me. Like, do I hate ham sandwiches too? Because that's just as fucking random. I have no issues with LOA, and even if I did, I wouldn't begrudge anyone else the right to enjoy it - much less bully them over it. Truly. Baffled.

c) I don't know the writer you refer to. I am almost never on Instagram; I only created an account there to support artists who aren't on Tumblr. Like, what kind of weed are you smoking, Nonny, and if it's that fucking good, can you share it with the rest of the class? Don't be stingy.

Babydoll, I'm here trying to determine if you have really bad sources if you were dropped on your head, or both... because you're buggin'. If attention was your goal - well - I apologize for giving you any. You won't get any more...but I decided not to delete this because it is just SO FUCKING RANDOM and I'm in my Reputation era - so I don't give a fuck.

Oh, and being fake? Bitch. Call me a bitch. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you like. Opinions are like assholes, we all have one, and the majority of them stink. But fake? I'm me in all my ridiculousness and proud of it. I parade my crazy out on the front porch and serve it sweet tea in plain view - hope it provides a little entertainment. I'm not some pretentious little c*nt trying to act like something I'm not. Mirror, sweetheart - get to a mirror. Fast.

You must be really bored or need a new hobby. Go outside, man. See a movie. Attend a concert. Visit a friend. Get Laid. Touch some grass...anything... because you're off your fucking rocker.

[tame-a-messenger]

On the most recent episode of Serving C*nt Tommy asked Angela to explain like, the concept of electricity and of course she can't- anyway Damien commented on the reel of her struggling to explain, saying she's correct because of Avatar the last airbender? And there's something so sweet about him making dumb (/j) references obviously to make sure she doesn't feel bad about not knowing. He seems to always interact with her socials and takes such a genuine interest in her life. They have such a special bond.

Lol yeah someone sent that in! Its so sweet of him, I love that even though she makes fun of him for being nerdy he still has her back :) I think hes talking about in Legend of Korra fire benders use lighting bending to make electricity lol

one of the most interesting things people do is what they post online; its a window into their psyche, what they're watching, what they find eye-catching things like that!

He really does seem to take genuine interest in her life! like in the pumpkin carving stream they're talking about people getting checks for what shows they've been in, and she says she was in 2 broke girls and still gets checks for it and Damien's like "REALLY?! YOU WERE IN THAT? THATS SO COOL!"

then later they're talking about shows that are "for humanity" (just really thought provoking?) he says Steven Universe, she says she feels like that for We Bare Bears, and Damien's like "yup that's where my $40 bucks comes from"(hes been in it! how cool!) and she's like NO WAY and makes a face only she could XD

I also threw in a timestamp for when Damien's trying to tell Angela about gourdes because I thought it was to funny not to include lol

33:56 gourde talk

36:30 2 broke girls

41:00 we bare bears

also later in the stream Angela and Chanse are asking for costume suggestions, Angela says they should go as the 2 broke girls (lol) and Damien says he'll come along as her check LMAO

[star-rail-tings]

I already kinda thought this but Boothill’s pretty damn cool I’mma have to try for him on my alt account (sorry, Argenti’s LC 🙏🏽).

And dare I say he looks just a liiiittle bit…hot? 😬 I know he got shark teeth and eats bullets for breakfast but his kit is HOT idk. The spinning of the gun? The excited smile on his face? The poster having the face of whoever he’s fighting on it? The way he grabs it? The bullet in his mouth and him MANEUVERING it into his gun before firing? His design? The way he stands when he’s about to use his Ultimate? His Basic ATK literally just him being the deadliest ballerina you’ve ever seen and throwing his WHOLE leg onto you? I don’t like the term c*nt but he’s serving something. That cowboy HOT, man, I don’t care!

[thenewfuture]

22 and 23!

22. What’s a setting you’d love to see for a Killing Game?

Space. Like they’re stuck in an enclosed setting with no windows that could be anything and it’s just revealed they’re in space. I think that would be pretty cool. I had an idea about something like that years ago, and bought into the idea that was what the V3 setting would end up being.

23. Which are your top three favorite beta designs?

First up is Kaede.

The hat really complete the look. I like it a lot. And a lot of AUs, like Pokemon AU and stuff I just give her the hat because it looks nice on her.

Next is Kirumi.

This one is a nice look for her that goes with her vibes and aesthetic so well, any one of them could have made it in and I don’t think anyone would have complained.(There’s a joke here about serving up c*nt while serving your master here somewhere)

And lastly is Himiko!

The bear hoodie with the stars and planets is just so adorable I love it. I guess I get why they would have to change it because Kaito’s the astronaut, but Himiko needs something like this. This is her PJs, let’s canonize it!

-Mod

[magicfeatherspecialist]

Fuck it! All the world cup groups, ranked by Entertainment provided

group E: 1000/10. Japan classifying first, serving cunt. Germany out. Costa Rica bringing havoc and also delivering the most beautiful few minutes of the competition so far. Euros flopping. keeping us on our toes the entire time. Incredible.

Group C: 10/10 Saudi Arabia saying 'I may leave but I'm fucking these Latinos up first'. Argentina flopping right away and then jumping back up like the bastard it is. Mexico giving the fight. Poland somehow slipping through to 8ths while we weren't looking. Solid fun.

Group H: 8/10 Korea's back hurts from carrying this entire group's entertainment on it's back. being the funny bitch of the batch and scoring a win against CR7. Uruguay out.

Group F: 7.5/10 Overall ok but Morocco winning and whatever the fuck was going on with Belgium's nt was hilarious. Also Canada being happy to be here, getting a goal in the first minute and then being slaughtered on that second match was truly something.

Groups G & D: 7/10 grouped together for similar vibes. Overall felt very standard except for Tunisia and Cameroon deciding to go out in glory beating France and Brasil. Iconic for them. Special mention to G for having Brazil in it. No group with Brazilians in it can flop it's science.

Group A: 6/10 Ecuador my beloved I'm so sorry. Qatar being first host team to be eliminated on groups. Senegal making it to 8ths.

Group B: 0/10 you would think the lineup for this one would have brought some entertainment but nope. Still mad about how disappointing USA vs ENG was. Sorry Iran.

[laesas]

Tagged by @kissporsche!

Fave colour: Green! (and Pink!)

Currently reading: As in literally currently? - an Ao3 fan-translation of Hemp Rope (WinTeam / Between Us book) || The last actual ‘book’ book I read was The Wasp That Brainwashed The Caterpillar // Matt Simon which is a lighthearted and beautifully written non-fiction book about some of the bonkers animal behaviour that exists on our pale blue dot! It’s super accessible even for non-biology nerds so I’d highly recommend!

Last song: About You // The 1975 - From my post-canon Kimhan Theerapanyakul / WIK concept album playlist lol

Last series: Manner of Death - I just started it and it’s really fun so far!

Last movie: I literally cannot recall the last time I watched a film... god.

Currently working on: All working titles and current word counts lol

Sounds we can't define - 22k | T | KimChay - Set a few days post canon, a reconciliation fic between Kim and Chay. A character study in how their relationships with their brothers has affected the way they feel about love and safety and trust... Any excuse for me to write our lord and saviour Tankhun Theerapanyakul - 5 chapters 65% complete

Speak Now; Now Speak. / Be My Mistake - 2k outline | E | KimChay - Set 2 years post canon, Kim and Chay meet again at their brothers’ wedding. Chay calls a 24 hour truce on the silence between them and Kim is forced to admit to himself that his feelings for Chay haven't changed even slightly. One problem; Chay has brought a date. 1-2 chapters 30% complete

Leather Jacket, Silk Lining - 3.5k | E | KimBig - Set early in canon when Big is reassigned, Kim is drunk, bored and on a power trip, Big figures something is better than nothing. PWP lol - Oneshot 60% complete

Backburner fics: Quicker than Lightning, Whiter than Bone - VegasPete - A hospitalised Vegas realises he’s been kept alive for a reason || A dog with a bird at your door - KinnBig- Pre-canon Unrequited 5+1  “And they were roommates” etc.

Share 10 different favourite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag 10 people 🎥🎬📺

1. Big (the Pete Show / KinnPorsche)

2. Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon)

3. Toph (Avatar the Last Airbender)

4. Pran (Bad Buddy)

5. Peeta (“If it wasn't for the baby” aka Serving C*nt aka The Hunger Games)

6. Aimee (Sex Education)

7. James (Derry Girls)

8. Korra (ATLA: Legend of Korra)

9. Miss Honey (Matilda)

10. Lil Nas X - from real life idc idc he’s like a blorbo to me

I'm tagging @kinnbig @transpran @lesbianiconsteveharrington @wherelanguage-ends @frightmarefalls @lilithfatale @mortimerlatrice and literally anyone else who sees this. Tag me! Talk about your faves! lets be friends hehe :)

Also no pressure at all!! Also if you *have* already been tagged then this is a free pass to tell me about your wips / playlists / the sick halloween costume you have planned <3

I'm impressed that I managed to get a tag meme done on time lol!