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mx08z7kz6gqrs · 3 years

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好想爱这个世界啊 - Translation Notes

For my translation of this song, see this post. Listen to the live version of the song here. Below are some translation notes on the song.

This was one of my earlier translations, and one that I’ve felt like I should revisit but never had time to. It’s a particularly beautiful song, and the lyrics aren’t complicated, but they are written in a deliberately vague way that isn’t easily conveyed in English. It also has a lot of short phrases that work as individual sentences in Chinese, but that I’ve chosen to link together so that it flows better in English.

As usual, these notes are formatted with the original lyrics, followed by the most literal possible translation, and then an explanation for how I decided to translated it in the final version, including my interpretations and any nuances that I maybe have decided to drop.

Note that anything in brackets [like so] means that this word did not exist in the line, but I had to insert it for grammatical reasons. Usually it’s a subject pronoun that wasn’t specified.

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Line by Line Translation Notes

抱着沙发睡眼昏花凌乱头发 // Hugging the sofa, sleepy eyes blurry, messy hair 却渴望像电影主角一样潇洒 // Yet long to be confident and free like the lead role in a movie

These two lines were fairly literal, and I’ve kept them as is while appending the first person pronoun so that it was grammatically consistent in English.

The most interesting notes here are “渴望”, “to long for.” In Chinese, this phrase is actually a combination of the character “渴” for thirst, and “望” for hope [for the future]. There is a desperation to this particular word choice that is somewhat capture in the English “longing.”

I’ve also chosen to translate “主角”, literally “main role” (ie, protagonist/leading role) to “hero” just for it to flow a little more naturally.

屋檐角下排着乌鸦密密麻麻 // Under the corners of the roof, crows line up, packed close together 被压抑的情绪不知如何表达 // The repressed feelings, [I] don’t know how to express

I took a lot of liberty in my translation of these lines, because they evoke a very specific sense of confusion and entrapment that I don’t think the literal translation captures well.

Crows in modern Chinese culture, like the west, can be seen as bad omens (ex when someone says something unlucky they are called “乌鸦嘴”, literally a crow’s beak). “密密麻麻” is an expression referring to things being very densely packed together- “密” refers to being “close together” while “麻” is the character for a hemp/sesame. The image it evokes is numerous things being packed so close together that they are like tiny dots against one another.

In this way, you can interpret the crows as a reflection for those feelings that the singer cannot express, trapping them without any gaps for escape.

无论我在这里在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 仿佛失魂的虫鸣 // As if [I’m] a panicking bug cries 却明白此刻应该做些努力 // But understanding that right now, should make some effort to try harder

Not too many notes for this section. One thing that I’ve seen a lot of different translations around is the second line though, “失魂的虫鸣.” The word “失魂” literally translates to “lost soul.” But generally speaking, this term isn’t referring to the desolate feeling that the literal English translation evokes. Rather, it’s more like “lost wits” or “at wit’s end”, referring to a sort of indecisive and panicked state of mind.

In this case, it’s describing “虫鸣”, literally “cries of bugs.” The sound in my head is something like cicada chirps, or the eclectic noises of bugs in the evening on a hot day. In English, we’d more commonly describing the noises that bugs make as “buzzing”, and for the sort of restless feeling, a specific reference to “flies” made more sense and felt more natural that the more vague “bugs/insects” in the original lyric.

There’s a sense of aimlessness, confusion, and helplessness to this line that I wanted to capture.

无论我在这里在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 不能弥补的过去 // The past that can’t be mended 每当想起 // Every time [I] think of it...

Simple lines- the one word of note here is “弥补”, a term that can mean to mend or to make up for any deficiencies. It’s formed with the character “弥”, “to fill in” or “complete” and the character “补” for “fix/mend.” In my translation, I’ve chosen to use “irreparable”, but what it really conveys is the speaker’s understanding and sense of regret that they cannot make up for the past, whether it’s the things they’ve done or the things they’ve missed.

想过离开 // Thought of leaving 以这种方式存在 // Existing in this way 是因为那些旁白 // It was because of those narratives/asides 那些姿态那些伤害 // Those attitudes/postures, those hurts

The chorus is definitely where I took the biggest liberty in my translation. The most important point here is that I have removed the likely intentional ambiguity in the subject. Before I dive into that though, I’ll cover the two terms here that have no clear English equivalent.

“旁白” is a word that roughly refers to “an aside”- it combines the character “旁“ for “to the side” and “白”, in this context referring to a use of language, or expression. It is the term used to describe things like a voice-over narration in movies, dramas, etc (for example, think of times when the character is thinking something and we, the audience, hears it as a voice on top of a montage on-screen).

“姿态” can be most literally translated as “attitude” or “posture”, and it refers to a combination of physical appearance and expression. It’s close to the English use of “air” and it’s what you are changing when you are “posturing” to someone.

Note that “those narratives”/”those attitudes”/”those hurts” do not actually have a subject associated with who is the one “dealing” them. It can be interpreted as the singer’s own thoughts and self-loathing, others judgement of them, or both. I think this ambiguity is intentional- the themes of the song revolve around the struggles of depression, and often these mix together.

In this way, “那些旁白” can refer to a narrative that the singer is telling themselves, or a narrative that is forced upon them from the words that others have spoken about them. “那些姿态” can refer to the type of posture or stance that the singer feels forced into, or the attitudes of the people around them. “那些伤害” can refer to pain that is inflicted upon the singer either by themselves or by the others.

For readability sake, I chose to go with the interpretation that slightly more folks on the Chinese net seemed to favor. Hua Chenyu, the original artist, has also emphasized the fear that those with depression face when they meet other people who may not understand them, so it seemed like a good compromise.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 当你说还有你在 // When you said you were still here 忽然我开始莫名期待 // Suddenly I began inexplicably hope

This half of the chorus translates much more straightforwardly. The only real word of note here is the final one, “期待.” It can be translated as “hope”, but it’s really a type of hope that leans towards anticipation, or “to look forward to/expect something.”

Unfortunately, both of those translations require some type of object (unlike the Chinese term), and while I could insert one (”the future”, “life”, etc) that would be pure conjecture on my part and I’d prefer to keep it as ambiguous as possible while still making sense.

夕阳西下翻着电话无人拨打 // The sun sets to the west, flipping the phone, no one calls 是习惯孤独的我该得到的吧 // This is what I, who am used to being alone, deserve to get right?

These lines were neat to translate. One subtlety that’s lost in English is the first phrase, “夕阳西下”, an idiom literally meaning “evening sun sets west” and usually used to describe a scene of sunset. However, it can also be used more figuratively to describe things going downhill as years go by and they age, so there’s a little bit of melancholy inherent in the idiom.

独木桥呀把谁推下才算赢家 // A single log bridge, pushing someone over, counts as a winner 我无声的反抗何时能战胜它 // When will my soundless rebellion prevail over it

This part of the song actually confused me a little when I first heard it. The “独木桥”, literally “single log/plank bridge” is a phrase that figuratively describes a very difficult path (ie, like trying to cross a single log bridge).

Overall, there’s a resentment of the perceived competition in life- often, it feels that for one person to succeed, they have to take down someone else. The singer thus is trying to stage their own resistance against this.

无论我在这里在那里 // No matter if I’m here or there 不能弥补的过去 // The past that can’t be mended 每当想起 // Every time [I] think of it...

This section is an exact repeat from the end of the first verse.

This is a repeat of the first section in the first chorus.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 也许尝试过被爱 // Maybe after [I’ve] tried [the feeling of] being loved 会开始仰望未来 // [I’ll] start to look up hopefully towards the future

The subtlety of this part is in the second line. “尝试” literally means “to try” or “to attempt”, and it is modifying “被爱”, “to be loved.” The correct way to understand this line in English is “After I’ve tasted the feeling of being loved by another.” Overall that sounds awkward though, which is why I didn’t use that particular phrasing in my translation.

The third line here uses a particularly yearning word to express hope- “仰望” or “to look up hopefully” combines the character “仰” for “looking up towards” or “admiring” and “望” for hope. Compare this to “期待” from the end of the last chorus, which was more of a tentative feeling of anticipation.

伤疤就丢给回忆吧 // Scars, just throw them to the memories 放下才得到更好啊 // Let go, to get something better

别怕别怕 // Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid

These lines forming the bridge are fairly straightforward. For my translation, I just linked the ideas to make it flow better in English (ie, “getting something better” reads quite awkwardly even though in Chinese it’s a perfectly natural way to express the idea).

想过离开 // Thought of leaving 当阳光败给阴霾 // When the sunlight is defeated by dark haze 没想到你会拼命为我拨开 // Didn’t think you would be trying your hardest to clear it for me

In the second line here, I dropped the “defeat” from my translation in favor of “faded” to make it flow better/sound a little more poetic. However, it's worth noting that in the original, the verb “败” is to be defeated/lose, with the implication of some type of struggle.

In the third line, “拼命” can be literally understood as “using one’s life” and translates to doing something “at all costs” or “as if your life depends on it.” It’s a very desperate term.

Overall the feeling here is one where the singer has already given up, the “sunlight defeated”, but unexpectedly, someone else continues to fight on for them, desperately so.

曾想过离开 // Once thought of leaving 却又坚持到现在 // But held on until now 熬过了那些旁白 // Endured past those narratives/asides 那些姿态那些伤害 // Those attitudes/postures, those hurts

This part of the last chorus echoes the previous ones, with some significant changes. The addition of “曾” for “once”, places the first line explicitly in the past tense. “熬过了” in the third line is also an explicit reference to the past, conveying that the singer has “already endured past” the things mentioned in previous choruses.

不想离开 // Don’t want to leave 当你的笑容绽开 // When your smile breaks outs 这世界突然填满 ��彩喔~ // The world is suddenly filled to the brim with color, woah~

In the second line here, the verb describing the smile is “绽开”, or to “burst forth”, basically suddenly appearing and with a very large presence. My choice of words here was “bloom” in English since that is a way we describe smiles.

In the third line, “填满” literally means “to fill/cram in” and is formed with the characters “填”, for “to fill [in a missing/empty space]” and “满” for “full.” In this case, there’s also a sense of something that was previously missing being returned in full.

抱着沙发睡眼昏花凌乱头发 // Hugging the sofa, sleepy eyes blurry, messy hair 夕阳西下接通电话是你呀 // The sun sets to the west, connected through the phone, it’s you

These last lines echo the first line from each verse. In the second one, “接通” means “to connect” but specifically in the context of a call connected, or a call picked up.

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And that concludes my notes for this song. It’s a really beautiful song, and I saw more folks reading this translation than I first expected so I wanted to break it down and clarify all the liberties that I took while translating it. The language here is simple, but contains a lot of subtlety and intentional ambiguity.

#好想爱这个世界啊 #华晨宇 #hua chenyu #notes #chinese music #somehow took me 7 months to revisit this one #also took the chance to reword a few minor things in the original translation

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 4 years

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Barchie + Light

I’ve been thinking about that line in the song Archie wrote for Betty ‘If you carry the torch, I’d follow the light.’ It got me thinking about how Archie sees Betty as his light. So I figured for fun we could look at some Barchie scenes and see how the show uses light to depict this idea of Betty representing light and warmth and how she’s a beacon to Archie.

My first example are those iconic window scenes. There are six in total. If you look at these three (lets call them set A to avoid too much confusion later)...

You can see that they all have something in common. In each of them Betty is depicted in a brightly lit room which is in direct contrast to Archie who is depicted in a much darker and much gloomier room. Even the top one where Betty’s room isn’t as brightly lit as the others there is still an obvious contrast between her and Archie in that scene. However if you compare them to these three (set B)

In these three the lighting is much more even. Whether its night time, day time, bright or dark doesn’t matter there just doesn’t seem to be a stark contrast between the lighting in Betty’s room compared to Archie’s. So what’s the difference between the two sets and why is it relevent. Well you could argue that the top three are from Archie’s point of view and the bottom three from Betty’s. In set A the first pair is from season 1 when Archie was trying to get Betty’s attention and wanted to talk after they had fallen out. The second is that famous scene with Jughead narrating about the boy next door looking out at the girl next door as if for the very first time, the third is from 4x17 which although it flicks between the two characters point of view it starts out from Archie’s and in Archie’s room. Set B, the first pair is the pilot episode another iconic scene I mean who can forget Kevin’s iconic line, ‘Archie got hot!’ but its definitely from Betty’s pov, the second is when Betty is apologising to Archie for the whole Alice catching him and Grundy thing, and the third is obviously from the latest episode and shows the flashback to when Betty and Archie looked out their windows to each other for the very first time. I do think its interesting that in the ones where it shows it from Archie’s pov it shows Betty just flooded with light, I really do think it shows that Archie sees Betty as a kind of beacon, I’ve covered before that I think Archie has always considered Betty to be above him, this perfect girl thats full of warmth and light that is unattainable to him. With Betty and the more even lighting I think its showing that in her eyes her and Archie are the same, both on the same level and both worthy of each other.

Ok lets stick with season 1 for the moment and take a look at some more Barchie goodness. These two show scenes from the same episode but are from two different locations.

The first one on the left is the scene where Archie opens his door to find Betty there which is a surprise to him because this was when they had fallen out and she had refused to speak to him. The thing I love about this scene is how when Archie opens that door this flood of light just fills the screen and right in the middle of all that sunshine is Betty. The second is from the scene where Archie is singing to the group and Betty starts to get emotional. Both of these images show Betty sitting in the foreground with a background that is bright and sunny, they both look like very romantic settings and show Betty in this almost angelic light. Now you could argue that well it was just a sunny day out and thats why. And yeah sure it was obviously a sunny day on set that day but the thing is take a look at this pic

If you compare the background for Archie in this scene to Betty’s you can see that the background for Archie is much more muted. With the trees behind him he’s surrounded by much darker colours and it gives this illusion of a much more overcast, less sunny day. When blocking the scene they would have made a concious decision to sit Betty with the sunlight at her back. It seems to me like they deliberately wanted to catch Betty in the light in these scenes. The other thing thats interesting is that both this one and the one of Betty at the door show Betty from the same angle as what Archie would be seeing her. So we the audience are seeing the same thing Archie is.

This isn’t the only times that a scene has been shot to show Betty in the sunlight either. Take a look at these two scenes.

The scene on the left is from 1x13 when Archie comes to talk to Betty after its revealed that Veronica and Archie like each other and Archie has that line about ‘a little part of me always thought.’ As you can see Betty is sitting in front of a window and sunlight in coming through shining directly onto Betty to the point where it almost looks like Betty herself is glowing. In a very similar scene the one on the right is from 4x18 where Betty is reading her diary and Archie comes looking for her. Again she’s sitting in front of a window with sunlight pouring through and again it makes her look like she herself is glowing. Both these scenes have a lot of similarities. In both Betty is already alone in the room and Archie comes looking for her. In both instances Archie comes looking for her because he wants to talk about the feelings they have for each other. How she looks in both of these images, all aglow with sunshine, is how Archie sees her, its literally the sight that greets him as he walks into the room.

Now look at this collection of images.

These are slightly different because they show Archie not Betty. But I still think they are relevent here because these are taken from the scene where Archie is writing the song for Betty. I absolutely loved loved loved the way this scene was shot. Again it just looks so romantic with all that light coming through and similar to how Betty is depicted in the above images it looks like Archie himself is glowing. Not just him either throughtout this scene they show the objects he’s using to create the song, the notebook, his guitar and they too are glowing. The whole scene is just beautiful. Also correct me if I’m wrong but I can’t recall them ever depicting Archie in this way when writing songs before. The point is while writing this song the only thing that was on his mind was Betty and how he felt about her so I don’t think its a coincidence that during this scene Archie is bathing in sunshine.

As a bonus I want to cover the rejection scene from the pilot. This one is somewhat different from the scenes mentioned above as it doesn’t deal with light per se but I feel like this scene is a huge part of the Barchie story and the set up in this scene to me seemed to be very siginificant.

The thing with this scene is that it is shot at night so naturally everything is dark (I know right it’s dark at night groundbreaking analysis there). But the thing is if you look at the backgrounds for both characters the fact that Betty is standing in front of a mostly white background makes it seem like her image is lighter than that of Archie. I again think this was a concious choice. As we’ve said multiple times at this point, to Archie Betty is pure, she is perfect, she is light, she is angelic, she is that beacon of love that is unattainable and that he is not worthy of. I think the fact that the have chosen to put Betty in front of a white coloured house, that they’ve put her in a pale coloured dress with a white cardigan is a reflection of that. Archie on the other hand is wearing dark colours and the background behind him is dark. Also these images did kind of make me think of ying and yang in the sense that Archie’s image is very dark but you have that one speck of light from the streetlight. Betty’s is mostly white but you’ve got those darker colours from the door and bushes contrastng with that. One image is dark with a little bit of light within, the other is light with a little bit of darkness. This is true of the characters too. Archie has often been depicted as a character who struggles with his darknes the whole Mafia plotline, him seeking revenge from the Blackhood, the prison fight club, he’s gone down some pretty dark paths but underneath all that he’s shown on several occasions that he has a heart of gold, a light within his darkness. Betty on the otherhand is the opposite. The outside world sees her as the perfect girl next door. She’s the good girl. she studies, has the perfect surburban family, wears pink sweaters. But underneath all that she is struggling with a darkness as we see when she tries to drown chuck in the hot tub and the whole thing with her serial killers genes. You could say shes got darkness in her light. But together they could really help each other with those demons they have as they did when working on the Blackhood case together, I think they could really compliment each other.

Anyway I’ve gotten right off course. So to wrap it all up. There does seem to be a correlation between Barchie scenes and Betty being shown with light shining down on her. Obviously not every scene with Barchie has this but there’s enough of them to sense a pattern, obviously I haven’t covered them all here we don’t have the time for that. It does also seems to be that Betty is shown in this way more often when the scene is from Archie’s pov. When you couple all these scenes with the lyrics from Archie’s song about following the light then I do think this supports my theory (if you can call it a theory really) that Archie looks to Betty as a beacon or light. But of course I could be totally wrong and reading way to much into this but its still fun to think about.

#barchie

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letusmeetagain · 4 years

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A place for him in this world

On my question if there is a place for the devil in paradise? Because a devil can’t play with an angel unless a miracle happens.

Narrator: “It seemed wrong for us to continue living. Whether humanity could survive another day was out of human hands. (...) But that day, one boy gripped the dagger in his heart and used it to kill a titan stomping its massive head into the ground. Who did humans that saw that sight feel? Some were filled with pride. Some were filled with hope. Some were filled with rage. But all of them screamed. (...) Can they ever believe again that there is a place for them in this world?“ (ch.73)

I wonder if there is place for rage in a new world. Or will Eren take all the rage inside him down with him?

The dagger...A rage that works as the mean to keep advancing without hesitation. The source of violence in the world, the great power among humanity that also inhabits Eren’s soul, mentioned in Lost Girls. This side of him that no one can pacify nor stop and the one he chose to prevail over his need to save all innocents and use love as a way to connect with others.

That is his kind side which is immensely great and pure. That other side of him that comforted Mikasa after her loss and gave her a new home not being asked for it. The one that made him wonder about Armin’s bravery.

And also the kind side full of compassion that responded to Ymir’s call, stopped her and gave her the impulse to refuse the meaning her environment gave to her existence. That side of him that is capable of great deeds which are always so small yet so powerful. It’s because its modesty that all of this got eclipsed by his other side.

After making the choice to start the rumbling, he became one of the monsters he wanted to vanish from the world. Since childhood, he has always had a clear ethical division between the innocents, his friends, and abusers like him, who is now the one who exceeded any violent act they’ve ever seen. From his perspective, the innocents are the ones that deserve a place on this world. When he discovered he would be able to take such a decision, he immediately lost his own right to have a place and sided with the undesirable to his own eyes. But self-harm is okay under the light of his mission and he also deserves it following his own rules. He would have wanted to live as an innocent yet his own nature is something he can’t deny, ignore nor control.

That side of him described as a reckless child that spouts out his feelings without being aware of the consequences for himself nor for his environment is something he isn’t able to drown. He can’t. He brought things to the point of challenging his environment to stop him like a child who needs that his surroundings show him where the limit is. Stop being a lonely hunter lost in the forest, being truly connected to others means for us to learn to control ourselves and give up on violence. As I said in another post, Grisha hadn’t enough time to show him the truth. Nobody could.

Yet this scene was very clever. Right after showing this panel, Ramzy appeared to point out not only the fact that both drives are part of his nature but the fact that his drive of helping others is as strong and unstoppable as his violent side. It isn’t possible to take them away from him but through his own choice to let one of them have control over the other. His kind side even turned into a justification for his choice.

It’s not the future he can’t control but his drives, he has always been the person who would make those decisions since the very beginning.

In contrast to his determination to continue the rumbling, the true nature of his feelings about his fate seems to be different. As well as Ymir was waiting for someone to come and save her, that also applies to Eren. Maybe he isn’t deliberately willing to be saved but that’s what he needs as any human cornered like him to throw everything he loves. A salvation he is fated to reach since the moment he formed bonds to his friends and loved them (Yes, that meant Krüger). After Ymir died, she kept carrying the mission of maintaining the Eldian empire… obeying for the eternity the statement of King Fritz “You were born to be a slave“ as if it were her truth.

But how is it for Eren? What’s the meaning of his life? Is it just his mission? For what goal does he want to attain freedom? Is it for him? Of course not. I think his existence was always reduced to his mission and urge of freedom what he believes is his own purpose in life. He is the chosen* one who received the power and responsibility to do something fully aware of the future. Both, Ymir and Eren, accepted a meaning given by their nature, their wishes and also forced by their environment too:

Ymir: wanted love, served as a slave thinking that it would be the mean to reach the love and was/is trapped in paths carrying the will of King Fritz.

Eren: wants freedom, let his violent side to be the mean to attain it and is now trapped in paths refusing to stop the rumbling and carrying the mission until the bitter end.

His aim is to carry the burden of 2000 years of collective wrong choices as if he were a fallen hero condemned to carry a sin for the eternity like Atlas.

*by Ymir but also by himself.

For this time, he accepted to throw away everything what’s dear to him, sever ties by planning a systematic attack on two pure bonds based on love in order to set the right conditions to keep up his mission (he and Mikasa, he and Armin and Armin and Annie, ch. 112) and avoiding to make them pay for his own choice. All explains his search for punishment for the child he still is and for being capable of choosing to become a monster.

He also sacrificed the true meaning of having a dream (but not being a slave to it) and being a soldier. All of this sacrifices that corroded his soul. Still this might have been more acceptable/less regrettable than not doing it.

What led him to choose this? There are a lot of circumstances and reasons for it:

His near death to the curse as impulse that prevented him from further dreams of staying with his friends (and also was his responsibility) and go on kamikaze mode.

That childish dream of freedom (as final state) and its delusion as selfish driving force and also coping mechanism helped him to deal with the guilt and keep moving forward. That is also that “something“ he is now drunk on after severing his bonds to his friends and facing this end alone.

And lastly his friends that were the source of strength and determination that justified selflessness of this choice when he had to make a step (ch.108) or when he hesitated to go ahead with the mission (ch.123).

Even if he is testing them and trying to be stopped* and judged by them, there isn’t an underlying feeling of irony here but hope that the choices they’ll make together as a whole will bring a positive change. I had the feeling that he trusts they will follow their own nature to make the right choice.

(*which would be one condition more he set to boycott his own plan as for ex. letting SoY know he would start the rumbling to let them escape)

Although he seems to wait for a clash, there is nothing but hope. The biggest contradiction for his friends would be to have to reach the goal of stopping him exactly through violence. Erasing the cycle of hatred by committing the biggest crime and then searching for a judgment doesn’t seem to bring a true change. In fact, there is hope considering that Ymir was also stopped by the power of empathy and human connection.

Just the modest act of forgetting about grudges and who has the right to hate and live, empathy and recognizing each other as mere humans on the same level, guilty and innocent was enough for Uri and Kenny to stop their fate of being meant to fight each other.

In brief, he was the one choosing this and it was by moving towards the fate he chose that he was being free… he had a performative freedom while renouncing freedom as a final state in the world. The price he has to pay after this is losing the right to live in the world so he won’t enjoy the freedom to stay alive with his friends. He will have//had to give up his dream for himself in order to grant freedom to the people he loves and thanks to this choice, they may be able to make their own choices to solve the conflict and attain common benefit.

At least, his friends, who witnessed his both sides, will know that his truth is to be both: cruel but also beautiful and they will bring him peace by helping him to embrace his duality, that is so human, and release him from this pain and disappointment.

As Karla wanted for him: to be free of having to be special, different from others.

#snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot #eren jäger #eren #attack on titan

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amethystiridescence · 3 years

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I debated a lot about whether to post this as I'm worried about it being misconstrued but I feel there's a lot of points that merit discussion. I'd definitely be open for people's thoughts on it.

tl;dr: society has an unhealthy deeply interwoven obsession with sex/romance as a be all and end all, and I think it's a large contributor to sexual violence against women.

Regarding the discussions that Sarah Everad’s case has reawoken, there are few voices trying to invalidate the most common argument by saying “there’s no point telling men not to rape/murder because the messed up men will do it anyway”. But this is an extreme simplification of the matter at hand. The issue lies with the perpetrators of course and NEVER the victims. But we need to explore what breeds the mentality of the perpetrators as SO many women have recounted their experiences, so it’s obvious that the problem is widespread at varying levels. The levels range from the simplest catcaller to cases like Elliot Rodger and Sarah Everad’s killer.

My belief is that a lot of the mentality surrounding the violence and aggression towards women stems from male entitlement. That phrase alone is a buzzword, and again its often used with a simple-cut phrase with “women don’t owe men anything” which is entirely true, but whilst unlearning entitlement is a step further than telling men “don’t rape”, its still not tackling the problem at its roots.

Men in our society have been exposed to lifelong conditioning through mass media and social-engineering. We are more than familiar with movies/tv series where romantic/sexual attention from a woman is often a reward/end goal for the male protagonists. Sometimes there are men pitted against each other vying for the affections of a woman like it’s a coveted prize, and it’s normalised with humorous portrayal. Or sometimes sexual/romantic interest is not a reward, it’s a given, no matter what kind of person the male character is; see any series where a conventionally unattractive/unpleasant man always keeps his devoted, conventionally attractive wife despite his obvious flaws (Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, Fred Flintstone). Then of course there’s the normalising of not taking no for an answer and constantly persisting and being rewarded eventually for it; for example The Notebook is considered a very romantic film but the male character literally threatens to kill himself to make her agree to date him. And of course there’s very damaging concepts presented by films like the 40 Year Old Virgin, but we’ll come to the negative sex-shaming in a tick.

Luckily thanks in huge part to movements like #MeToo, the idea of consent and ‘no means no’ is being more consistently normalised in modern mass media. Netflix’s Sex Education explores this but it’s still guilty of making the female love interest the end prize goal for the male protagonist.

Now it’s not just in media that this environment of coveting sexual/romantic affection as the ultimate goal is encouraged. Its a socially-engineered thing. A lot of us are aware of the double standard in which men are revered/congratulated by their peers for being sexually/romantically popular with women whereas women are shamed, but we often don’t talk about the poisonous culture in which men who aren’t sexually/romantically active or “successful” are shamed and humiliated. How many times have we witnessed people shaming or embarrassing their mates for not having a romantic partner or ‘not getting some’ or even worse, for being a virgin? The culture surrounding virginity is disgusting, it’s both shamed and coveted. This also ties into insults surrounding size/functionality of genitalia and how men are taught that’s one of the worst kind of insult they can receive. Same goes for insults surrounding “haha you can’t get laid/get any”. Plus some men deliberately pass down this mentality and on top they encourage younger male peers/family members to ��keep at it” and “don’t take no for an answer” as if teaching younger men how to ‘get women’ is an important lesson that must be passed on.

One thing that’s also alarming is that this taught drive for sexual/romantic attraction is so inbuilt that men are taught to bypass a lot of principles for the chance of it, such as lying about their interests or faking a personality to keep a woman interested. I’ve also seen men forgiven for tardiness because they ‘got lucky the night before’ (that expression itself feeds into this ‘covet/reward’ culture). Only last week I was watching a video about how women were sexually harassed with deeply unpleasant/objectifying comments online whilst doing Twitch streams and I saw a man reply “Women complain all the time about getting attention, they have no idea how lucky they are, I’d kill for a woman to desire me like that”. Men are inherently taught by both peers and media that their entire self-worth is largely determined by whether they receive romantic/sexual attention, no matter how insincere/damaging it is. Hell, even when discussions about men who’ve committed atrocities against women come up, instead of sympathising with the women who have been hurt and those whose are more scared as a result, men instead tend to lament “men like this guy ruin it for other men, they spoil my chances with other women because women assume I’m like him”. A lot of this is a large part of why incel culture is more dangerously rife than it should ever be. The mere words ‘involuntarily celibate’ are all that’s wrong with what I’m discussing.

Lets be clear, society’s inbuilt social hierarchy around sexual/romantic frequency is poisonous to everyone, especially women and the way so many shape their lives around how ‘attractive’ they’re perceived as, and of course the damage it does to the barely-fledged self esteems and images of teenage girls.

Plus both genders suffer in nearly equal ways under some lenses. People who choose to live without a romantic partner are assumed to be “unable to find love” or “unfortunately lonely” (although its worth noting the semantic sexism of bachelor vs spinster). People who are virgins beyond their teens, hell even just beyond legal age, are pitied/shamed. And people stay in abusive relationships because society's taught us that being unhappy is better than being alone. It’s impossible for people to pass through life without being subject to the social perception of how ‘successful they are in love/sex’.

But in particular with men, it’s incredibly dangerous as it destroys how men perceive themselves, teaching them that women are a given or a prize and if they don’t receive, they’re shamed. Combine that with social engineering of which in general, men are taught to express their anger/frustration with physical exertion or violence. This lays groundwork for male entitlement at its most damaging and dangerous, because not only does it wreck the mental health of men who constantly wonder why they’re not getting what the world taught them they should receive, it also sows the seeds of violent thinking in some. How many times have we as women (as is our basic right) refused the advances of men in public and they’ve responded angrily, and sometimes they’ve been laughed at by their peers as it happens. Humiliation is a degrading and powerful thing and for those who’ve been taught to react aggressively to situations, those with weaker self-esteems (thanks to a myriad of sexist reasons eg 'man up') and those with lack of proper mental health help (again, a huge male-centric problem eg;'boys don't cry'), it can lead to breeding resentment, self-loathing, sometimes suicidal tendencies but more crucially, the anger/vengeance/entitlement that resides in would-be stalkers, rapists and murderers. Elliot Rodger called his murderous rampage a “Day of Retribution” as he lamented “having been at college and still being a virgin” and said he had “no choice to exact revenge on the society that had “denied” him sex and love. He targeted a sorority whose members he had deemed the “hottest” at his college, “the kind of girls I’ve always desired but was never able to have”.

You can see I’ve been carefully trying to toe a line between not excusing the behaviour of men who treat women horribly as a result of all this and more, but also understanding the damaging conditioning in which society has woven. Teaching men “don’t rape” and “women don’t owe you anything” are basic steps, but we need to tackle issues deeper than that. We need to stop teaching everyone that being sexually/romantically desired is NOT the be all and end all of life, that being sexually/romantically desirable is not the sum of someone’s self-worth, and that there is NO shame in being without a partner or not being sexually active.

I understand that society’s obsession with sex/romance/attraction is deeply interwoven and its not going to be unlearned in a day, but can you imagine a world where teenagers are raised being told that their attractiveness/desire popularity doesn’t define their worth to others. Can you imagine a world where women don’t constantly make the majority of their concerns about how attractive people perceive them as before how kind/intelligent they’re perceived as? Can you imagine a world where people don’t feel pressured into sex as virgins, or pressured into relationships where they’re unhappy because it’s better than being alone? Where someone can be without a partner and be their own person without people assuming that its chosen solitude and not liberated independence.

I know romantic/sexual companionship is very central to how the majority of people operate. But consider this, a world where sex/romance isn’t a heavily pressurised must-do, but an opt-in and opt-out path where people can explore at their own pace and with their own limitations and boundaries without people constantly passing judgement on it. Its an idealistic idea, and seeing the way that asexuals are mistreated is another factor in just how society shames those who opt-out of sexual activity. But I believe a lot of this discussion can lead to more practical steps than saying “don’t rape”

How about;

Don’t shame anyone for being a virgin at any age.

Don’t shame anyone for not having a partner.

Don’t shame anyone for not being sexually active.

Unlearn phrases like “get lucky” and “winning the girl/heart”.

Don’t use insults aimed at size/functionality of genitalia.

Don’t insult people based on their appearance.

Just a few ideas to start undoing the entitlement culture that puts so many women in danger.

And of course, wearily I’ll state the disclaimers.

None of this behaviour discussed excuses even the most ‘harmless’ of catcalls, let alone the reprehensible behaviour of the worst offenders. I just think it’s important to understand the finer points of what breeds this consistent societally inbuilt violence and hatred against women. I really really cannot state this too much, this is not a victim-blame, women do not deserve a single infinitesimal part of anything they've gone through just because they insulted some dude's penis.

Being sexually/romantically active is never ever a bad thing of course provided it’s legal, safe and fully consensual. It just shouldn’t be the only path that people feel forced to take.

Briefly, someone might argue that its okay for me to promote that being sexually inactive is all peachy keen is hypocritical when I'm in a happy relationship, but if I was single, you could just as easily argue that I'd be trying to validate being without a partner for my own gratification.

And yes. We know. Not all men. I know plenty of people, not just men who see past a lot of the shaming and conditioning, and continue to liberate themselves from society’s warped expectations of what they should be doing with their lives. But try this, YES ALL MEN are subject to this sexual/romantic obsession that the world forces on them. When a director chooses to have a man portrayed as the butt of a joke because he’s rebuffed by a woman, he’s sending out a message to all men that some of their worth is determined on whether a woman accepts their affections. Whenever a man snidely jokes to his friends that someone he knows can’t get a woman, he teaches his friends that their lives are only validated on whether they can attain partners. Not all men may not be predatory. But all men are targeted by this conditioning. And as a result of all this, all women are afraid.

Followup: Men receiving non romantic affection is largely shamed as well and as a result its not nearly as common as it should be. Men receiving platonic affection doesn't happen nearly as much as it should, because men are taught that platonic affection is never platonic because if it comes from men it must be gay, and if it comes from women, it must come from a place of attraction. This can tie into the larger discussions already at hand regarding men's mental health and the lack of support it recieves.

#metoo #survivor #thoughts

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straykidsupdate · 5 years

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Stray Kids are shaking up K-pop’s status quo

The South Korean pop band Stray Kids are clustered around a laptop for a Skype interview, pale in the screen’s glow as heavy rain turns New York City to grey. It’s a fitting backdrop for the group: from their 2017 pre-debut release “Hellevator” to the latest single, the snarling, trumpeting EDM of “MIROH”, the K-pop group have made similarly dystopian environs their visual backdrop, where neon and CCTV screens flicker and the group are hemmed in by skyscrapers, tarmac, and tunnels as they attempt to escape or defy their surroundings.

This concept – of attaining freedom – is central to the group, and it’s an idea that’s rooted in reality. The group’s leader, Bang Chan, handpicked each member for the group from their parent label JYP Entertainment’s roster of trainees, a process unheard of in K-pop, where that power lies with executives and creative directors. Stray Kids write and produce all their material, too, and are one of the few idol groups to do so. Their music focuses unflinchingly on their youth – the anger and frustration, the ecstatic highs and ragged lows – while questioning their own shifting sense of identity.

With bleached bangs falling into one eye, Bang Chan recalls not the gravitas of the opportunity to form his own group, but the pressure of picking wisely. “There was a lot on my mind,” says the 21-year-old, speaking during the band’s run of sold-out North American concerts. “Choosing the right people was a must, because I’m going to be with them for a long time. Because I’d been a trainee for so long,” – seven years – “I think I had the ability to figure out what potential they had.” He turns to his bandmates and namechecks them: Woojin, the eldest at 22; Lee Know; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; and the youngest, I.N, who turned 18 in February. “With everyone around me right now, I’m really glad we’ve become this team.”

Bang Chan and 18-year-old Felix, whose cavernously deep voice is at odds with his Bambi-innocent looks, were both raised in Australia, and the broad twang of their accent conveys a cheerful, anything-is-possible resonance. It’s the former who helms the conversation. He’s an engaging speaker and a careful listener, stopping to translate questions for the non-English speakers. At times he falters, and at others he deflects to well-worn answers (a reflection of their newness), but he’s unmistakably a leader, a role he wears effortlessly.

As a whole, Stray Kids are known for their friendly, indefatigable rambunctiousness, but with nearly a dozen rookie awards and five EPs in just over 12 months, it’d be foolish to underestimate their tenacity. Their start was a baptism of fire. On Stray Kids, the eponymously-named survival TV show that they were formed through, they were required to write tracks and perfect performances to short deadlines, then ruthlessly critiqued by the CEO of their label, JYP Entertainment. Two of the group members, Felix and Lee Know, were initially eliminated, although eventually reinstated in the final episode via a public vote. Felix, axed due to his less-than-fluent Korean, hasn’t forgotten the sting. “I still think about my Korean and how I use the language,” he sighs. “I try to learn, and fix it.”

You can see his determination when Stray Kids appear on Korean variety shows to showcase their work and their personalities. Felix’s shyness in speaking had resulted in less camera time but, in recent months, his studying has appeared to pay off and he’s a far more confident presence, able to convey the charm that's endeared him to their fans. It’s the result of constant help from his bandmates, he says, radiating positivity (which is, delightfully, Felix’s default setting). Lee Know, however, who’d had only a short idol training period and was cut early in the series, favours a more stoic approach. “I think I’m here thanks to that feedback. I worked really hard then, and I’m still trying to work hard now too,” he says, and although his small smile seemingly hints at something more pronounced, he settles on a double thumbs up and sits back.

“Choosing the right people was a must... With everyone around me right now, I’m really glad we’ve become this team” – Bang Chan, Stray Kids

Their rough-meets-polished sound was set up by the darkly anthemic “Hellevator”, but the thundering EDM and guitar riffs of their official debut, “District 9”, cemented them as a fresh force in K-pop. In its music video, they flee a clinical-looking prison and use a school bus to smash through to the safety of the titular District 9, although even there they’re left searching. “I don’t know who I am, it’s frustrating, it always worries me / Answer me, then give me an answer that will clear it all,” Hyunjin raps with a volatile urgency.

This ceaseless quest weaves through last year’s EP trilogy (I Am NOT, I Am WHO, I Am YOU) and into their latest EP, Clé 1: MIROH, the clear narrative allowing for sonic experiments (from the minimalist electronica of “3rd Eye” to the bright pop drawl of “Get Cool”) without losing momentum. In their song “NOT!”, they celebrate breaking out the “system” – the status quo – and the strength of being different. For Stray Kids, this is more about ambiguous storytelling than holding a deliberate ’us versus them’ mentality. “We usually don’t compare (ourselves) to others,” says vocalist Seungmin, in English. “Like in the song ‘My Pace’, we’re saying we don’t care about others’ (achievements), we’re just talking about Stray Kids’ own way.”

While Stray Kids have definitely created a richly empathetic musical tapestry, their chosen path raises a pertinent observation: in breaking out of one “system”, they’ve joined another. The idol system that they’re now a part of often appears more restrictive than the one they leave behind, and as they move towards the bubble of fame and money, there’s also the potential to lose a sense of oneself. Both feel paradoxical to their story. Bang Chan pauses. “Well, honestly, we wouldn’t call it a system, let’s say a ‘world’, and we’d call it a decision that we made. In order for us to get out of the main system, we chose being idols, and through K-pop we can show the message we want to express.”

Han, the 18-year-old rapper, singer, and songwriter/producer, drapes himself, cat-like, over Felix’s head and neck to get close to the camera. “I think fame and success can be dangerous to a person, depending on how they feel about it, but we’re going to try to always be positive and good natured about it,” he opines, gesticulating rapidly. “We’re still lacking so much, but we’re going to try really hard to understand other people’s feelings and be a good influence.”

Given Stray Kids’ formation, creative freedom, and growing success makes them something of an anomaly, might their presence provoke change in the idol world? Bang Chan furrows his brow. “I suppose so,” he says with the questioning tone of someone presented with an unfamiliar concept. “I guess it’s up to how people take it in.”

Stray Kids, evidently, have been more preoccupied with looking inward, and, when examining their new EP, it’s apparent their gaze has been in flux. Clé 1: MIROH, which Bang Chan describes as “us being really confident because all nine of us are together”, presents a new fearlessness on tracks like “Boxer”, “MIROH” and “Victory Song”, where Han triumphantly raps:“A laidback victor, a smile spreads on my face / Who else is like me, there’s no one.”

“When I was becoming a singer, some people didn’t support my dreams, so I was sad. I remember that and put those feelings into this song” – Changbin, Stray Kids

They pose fewer existential questions than on previous EPs, but, says Bang Chan, “if you look at tracks like ‘Chronosaurus’ and ‘Maze Of Memories’, it shows nervousness or anxiety, and a feeling of being lost as well.” The latter, its doomy hip hop propelled by tense piano and bursts of foreboding strings, was an emotional outlet for their silver-tongued rapper, Changbin. “When I was becoming a singer,” he says, in English, “some people didn’t support my dreams, so I was sad. I remember that and put those feelings into this song.”

Yet despite sieving emotions and thoughts through the music, their biggest questions, says Changbin, remain unanswered. “But we’re trying,” he smiles. He points to the close presence of their fans, known as STAY. “Maybe we can find the answer soon, through STAY.” How does he intend to discover deeply personal epiphanies through others? “I’m young and lack a lot of experience,” replies Changbin, reverting to Korean. “There are still a lot of childish elements about me as well. By watching those around me, I can find out what I like through them. I feel like I can find myself through (others’ journeys).”

For now, Stray Kids simply continue doing what they’ve done so well thus far – capturing the human condition, including tackling difficult subjects like depression (“Hellevator”), anxiety (“Rock”), and negative thoughts (“Voices”), all of which, Bang Chan says, they’ve experienced first-hand. The group’s core writing team (Han, Changbin, and Bang Chan, together known as 3RACHA) have not only refined their style over the past year but, according to I.N, “improved on their speed of making songs. They’ve gotten really fast,” he says with a sunny grin.

3RACHA’s Soundcloud days are far behind them, although, to their credit, they haven’t deleted the handful of songs that were posted pre-debut. Some will remain just enthusiastic learning curves, but others were raw and powerful, such as “Broken Compass”, which was refashioned into “Mixtape #4” for Clé 1: MIROH.

The “Mixtape” songs, which are only found on the physical versions of their EPs, are where, Hyunjin says, “we all contribute, and fill our individual verses with our personal stories”. In January, 3RACHA revisited a few songs during a Vlive broadcast, and cringed to the point of sweating profusely. As Changbin and Han crease up, Bang Chan covers his face, mock-groaning. “We can’t listen to them now!” But there’s a glint in his eye. “We do have to do episode two of that,” he adds, grinning.

It’s not just the songwriters who are evolving; from being wide-eyed, ambitious and nervous trainees who didn’t always get along, as Hyunjin recently revealed, Stray Kids have become compelling performers with close bonds. They’d clung tightly to Bang Chan during their survival show, but do Stray Kids today feel less lost – or at least more secure in their responsibilities? “I’ll just leave the room so the guys can talk more freely,” jokes Bang Chan, even as Changbin, owner of a bone-dry sense of humour, simply yells, “No!” Vocalist Woojin leans in. “He was very good to us while we were filming the show. At that time we always followed him very well, and relied on him a lot.”

“I don’t have a lot of confidence but when he’s next to me, I know I can do this,” adds Felix, as they ready to depart for the next schedule in a packed day. “But,” Woojin says, “now we’re all developing our own selves, too.”

Source

#stray kids #190606 #era: clé 1 miroh #t: article #dazed

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nightshadedawn · 4 years

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Persona 6 Concept Part 4

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It’s been a little while, huh? I got a little stuck here, but here’s some more plot! And other things of interest, of course.

Has anyone noticed how I try to add pictures to all of these to keep away the drab and boring of long text posts?

Group Events/Hang Outs

Unlike in Persona 5, group events and hang outs will be a thing you can do, though only with your party members. Most of the time, you’ll be invited to go on them or take part in the group activity, but you can also start one just by gathering your party members like you would for any kind of infiltration. Here are some examples of group hang outs.

Waterfall - Considering that the waterfall is basically your own little hideout anyway, meeting up just to hang out away from anywhere adults or irritating people could find them seems like a thing these kids would do. Hence, the lake at the bottom of the waterfall. Though it’s no ocean, it’ll be a great spot to hang out and relax and swim with your friends during the summer. In the winter, you’ll probably be stuck in the cave or by a bonfire, but I’m sure you can find a way to have then too.

Birthdays - Was I the only one who thought that it was weird that they all have cannon birthdays, but none of them were mentioned in game? Not even in special, non-event dialogue (like how you’d mention the weather)? Well now, if a party member’s birthday will come to pass after you’ve met them, you’ll be messaged a week before about it by another friend. They’ll ask you to help plan the party, and if you agree, a week later you’ll automatically go to the party. If you agree, you’ll also get the option to buy that character a birthday present, and it’ll boost your relationship with them and get you closer to completing their next social rank.

Studying - The week before exams, an option will become available when the group meets up to study together. Everyone will convene at your place to do the studying, and it’ll boost your knowledge and may even have the chance of helping your classmates getting a higher score. (don’t count on it for the bigger idiots in your group)

Test of Courage - Going to the temple’s graveyard and participating in a test of courage with your friends would be a good way to spend a night that you don’t have anything else to do. You’ll be asked the night before, so the next day you’ll be free to do as you will, but that night your group will go to the graveyard.

Other - Things like going to the movies, exploring the forest, or going out to eat can all be turned into group activities as well. Unfortunately, things like the dojo, pond, and music store will be restricted to only one. You can go to the the hot springs with a group, but only with the team members who are your same gender.

Friends vs Lovers

I understand that some people have a problem with every love interest just automatically falling in love with the MC and seeming depressed when the MC rejects them. And I’m sure that Atlus would deem it too much work, but I’d like to add the possibility to not have depressed characters when they’ve been rejected. Stick with me, I hope I’ll be able to explain it better.

Some characters will be easy to romance no matter what gender you choose. Hoshiko is bisexual, Yūdai just likes the MC (could count him as demisexual if you’d like), Sayaka is easy because she’s the best friend, and Masaru is just extremely easy going about it (could count him as pansexual if you’d like). Characters like Masahiko, Jun, Akemi, Miyako, Natsuki, and Yato will be hesitant about dating someone their same gender and are not automatically attracted to both.

The way to working around it? During Rank 9 of your romance social links in Persona 5, you’d have to choose very specific choices to date them. Well, if we want to do this, we’ll have to extend that. Starting at Rank 5, we’re going to start romancing your love interest. Unless, of course, you’re trying to romance someone who’s straight.

There will be options with different points attached to them. Three points (+++), two (++), one (+), and zero (0). Obviously, +++ will make it easier to level up, but as you will see, you may prefer to use the + or 0 options. Have the same arcana on you as the character you’re trying to romance is, as always, beneficial and will likely work the same as it did in Persona 5.

Romancing characters who are unused to dating their same gender will require you to CONSISTENTLY get the highest points possible with each interaction from the get go. It would be best, and the easier option, to have the arcana when trying to romance these characters, though it’s not necessary. If you’ve chosen +++ options up to Rank 5, the romance route will be unlocked.

For all the romance options, from Rank 5 on, you’ve learned something big about your potential love interest, and now they’re closer to you than ever. For love interests that are open to dating both partners, ++ or +++ options will cause the love interests to fall in love with you (though, of course, the others will still need to be +++). + or 0 answers will lead you down the romance path. Interactions won’t change drastically, as that would be a LOT of extra coding, scripting, and general work, but tone, actions, and manner will change depending on whether you’re going down the lovers route or not.

If you choose to romance characters up to Rank 9, but then reject their confession, they will still be disappointed. Rightfully, this time. Because you made that choice.

Example time: Romancing Jun (male)

Rank 1: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 2: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 3: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 4: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 5: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 6: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 7: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 8: Choice 1 (+++), Choice 2 (+++), Choice 3 (+++)

Rank 9: Choice 1 (Romance), Choice 2 (Romance), Choice 3 (Romance)

Rank 10: Dating

Because you are male, and Jun does not actively like guys, if you get even one of those choices any less than +++, then you’re not gonna be able to date him. Not choosing the corrected (Romance) options will result in failure and you will not be able to date him.

Example time: Romancing Jun (female)

Rank 1: Choice 1 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 2 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 3 (0/+/++/+++)

Rank 2: Choice 1 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 2 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 3 (0/+/++/+++)

Rank 3: Choice 1 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 2 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 3 (0/+/++/+++)

Rank 4: Choice 1 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 2 (0/+/++/+++), Choice 3 (0/+/++/+++)

Rank 5: Choice 1 (++/+++), Choice 2 (++/+++), Choice 3 (++/+++)

Rank 6: Choice 1 (++/+++), Choice 2 (++/+++), Choice 3 (++/+++)

Rank 7: Choice 1 (++/+++), Choice 2 (++/+++), Choice 3 (++/+++)

Rank 8: Choice 1 (++/+++), Choice 2 (++/+++), Choice 3 (++/+++)

Rank 9: Choice 1 (Romance), Choice 2 (Romance), Choice 3 (Romance)

Rank 10: Dating

Because you are female and Jun is attracted to females, it’s easier to romance him and you have a bit more leeway. Remember, though, in order to romance him, you’ll need at least 6 ++/+++ to get the romance options in Rank 9, and on top of it, you’ll need to answer all (Romance) choices correctly.

The Virus

The virus is ultimately something that makes or break the storyline of this story. It’s this virus that causes the MC to go out trying to save everyone, it infects all of the main party members and ultimately brings them together, it’s infected the entire town and is killing everyone.

Even your confidants.

Several confidants will not be able to die from the virus, such as your party members, as they’ve already been infected once. But others, such as Yuuki, Haruka, and possibly Dr. Ueda and Natsuki are integral to the story, and are needed for cutscenes and stuff. However, characters like Masaru, Akemi, Tsubasa, Hiroki, Mizuki, Hiroko, and Sayuri can all join the regular runs through Padure Nesfarsita. And if they die… well, no more confidant ranking, huh?

You’ll be informed by Dr. Ueda about different people infected by the virus if you go to the hospital and ask him about it (it’ll be an option along choice screen you get to up his confidant rank). Alternatively, there could be a list somewhere that you can look at.

The difference between regular infected and your confidants is that, if you know them already, Dr. Ueda will call you to inform you that “Your friend is sick, it’s the virus, and their prospects don’t look good.” If you don’t know them yet, I’d say it’s Natsuki who would call you about them.

As with all infected, once they start showing heavy signs, you only have three weeks to cure them, or no more confidant.

Masks

Unlike Persona 5, the masks of Persona 6 will not be used to hide, they will be used to protect. A much more practical use for this particular setting. They will be the biggest difference between the real world and the endless forest, since you won’t be getting full uniform changes in this one. The masks used in the real world will stay stagnant, but I feel like in the other world, if you bought special masks, it would show up different on the character. (like you do with weapons).

Some might not even use the regular face masks, but instead the handkerchiefs (or whatever they are) and tied them around the bottom half of their faces. Or do the leather mask thing like that guy in Tokyo Ghoul (I’m trying to watch it, okay? There’s a lot of anime). That would have to be a thought for sometime other than 3AM, and likely deliberated with several people. Another way to signify them, though.

Anyway, here are the ideas I have for starter masks;

MC - Basic, like our main character. Though of course, like I said, there will be other choices you can purchase and have show up on the MC. Legit, I think it would be pretty cool if there was a minigame or something where you could actually CUSTOMIZE your own mask. That’d be pretty sweet.

Sayaka - Sayaka is a little bit (a lot) of a dork, and I feel like having a mustache would totally be something she had. (Was it only an America thing to be obsessed with mustaches for a little while? They seemed to be everywhere, but I’ve never been able to leave America)

Yudai - Yudai, the most cheerful and relief from the doom and gloom in the beginning, deserves this big smile that matches his own.

Miyako - Being like Miyako and suffering from depression, I know how hard it is to feel like you can talk to people… and how often it feels like they don’t want to hear it anyway. Thus, the zipper.

Masahiko - I don’t know ‘bout you, but this one looks smug as fuck. And therefore fitting of Masahiko.

Hoshiko - In all honestly, Hoshiko’s would likely have a much more wobbly line (suggesting fear, anxiety, or nervousness), but I couldn’t find one in this group.

Jun - Out of all the ones in the group I found, this one looked the most devilish. And don’t anime boys kinda get this smile when they’re being lecherous?

Shinju - Not gonna lie, this one is mostly because she’s the little sister and it’s cute.

Plot/Playthrough

May 7 - May 10: You’ll be free to do as you like.

May 11 - May 14: Exams.

May 15: Natsuki takes you to Miyako’s house, and you find Miyako in bad shape. Investigating Padure Nesfarsita will guide you to Miyako’s Shadow, but The Plague takes her away.

May 16: The team checks on Miyako again, only to find her in the middle of attempting suicide. She’s placed in the hospital under suicide watch.

May 17: Miyako has escaped from the hospital and the team goes looking for her. They find her in the forest, and chase her to the waterfall. She goes through her own door, almost dies again because of her Corrupted Depression, and awakens her Persona.

May 18 - June 8: You alloted time to complete Miyako’s Palace.

June 10: Miyako returns to school and thanks the rest of the team for saving her life.

June 11: Celebration party! And news of a new transfer student?

June 12: News spreads around town that a child has died from the virus.

June 13: 15: You’re free to do as you like.

June 16: Masahiko enters the fray, and Miyako isn’t happy about it.

We return to our story on June 17.

June 17 - 20 will be free days to do as you like, however, you will not be able to interact with Masahiko. You can ‘listen in’ on students talking just outside the second year classroom, and occasionally catch Masahiko complaining during these conversations.

June 21 will also be a free day, but Masahiko will be standing outside the classroom and you’ll be able to engage in dialogue with him. He’ll say that he can tell just by looking at the MC they don’t belong in this backwater town, they’re a city kid too, and really, the only one worth salt in this shitty school.

During lunch June 22, Natsuki will run into the classroom and beg help because Miyako and Masahiko are going at it again. When you follow her to the classroom, you’ll find that Miyako and Masahiko are physically fighting each other while shouting at the top of their lungs. Masahiko said something terrible and offensive about Tomomi, and Miyako got angry, and now they’re duking it out.

Sayaka, Yūdai, and MC will have to physically get in between the two of them, fighting to get through the circle that formed around them, to get them to stop fighting. Whispers from their classmates about how they’re about to get chewed out by the third years circle around them, and they are chewed out by Sayaka and Yūdai, but neither will bow and apologize, both too stubborn.

The situation is left unresolved.

That night, you go home and dream. A strange dream. It looks like the Velvet Room, and feels like it does when you’re in the velvet room. But it’s black, crumbling, with greenery overgrowing on everything. It’s got an all around creepy feel to it.

The Plague sits in the same place Igor tends to. He talks in so many circles and riddles it makes Igor seem coherent. The point he gets to is that he calls the you The Cure, and that he plans to keep watching you, even though he’d much rather prefer you didn’t mess with the results of his experiment. Otherwise, the experiment just might be you…

A bright light pulls you out of The Plague’s room, and suddenly you’re in the Velvet Room, both Igor and his attendant will be worried. Gilbert/Lucius will ask you about what The Plague said to you, but even if you choose to answer, no words will be uttered. It’ll be worrying, but not enough for anything to be done at the moment. Gilbert/Lucius will tell Igor that he’s going to talk to his brother and sisters about strengthening the defences of the Velvet Room (thus referencing previous Persona games) so that won’t happen again.

You’re sent back to the real world after a brief conversation, and I suppose you can put it out of your mind for now. When you wake in the morning, you’ll be uneasy about your visit from The Plague the night before and go explore Padure Nesfarsita.

And a good idea, too. Because when you go through the forest, you come across Masahiko’s Shadow, its core heavily corrupted, almost to the point of dying, in such a short time, it’s super weird.

The MC will be able to go and heal it a little bit, but the entire situation will go downhill when they’re attacked and forced to leave him behind. The Plague will whisk him away shortly thereafter, as the team runs away.

The next day, it’s a nice day out and the team meets and decides to try to get into Masahiko’s Palace, because he’s got to have one now that The Plague has taken his Shadow. But Masahiko is getting suspicious, and annoyed, because everyone keeps looking at him but whispering.

So he confronts the team, demands to be included, but Miyako snaps that it’s none of his business. He retorts with the facts it’s obviously about him, and therefore is his business. Miyako goes on to tell him that not everything is about him, you flipping Narcissus. And, you know, that pisses Masahiko off more than anything and he stomps away.

Only for there to be a cutscene of him hiding in a corner after school, coughing and getting sick and looking like he’s about to keel over. But then the team walks past him and right into the forest, and he follows them. Without their notice, of course. We then return to the main team once they reach the waterfall and deliberate about which door could possibly be Masahiko’s. There’s an argument against it being the pink door, as that’s far too girly, but then Miyako claims it’s perfect for a sissy like him, and the argument is immediately shut down.

But it is the pink door, and you all go through. And all that’s on the other side is desert. Nothing but sand and the sun in sight. But there’s gotta be something, so you continue forward. Right up until one of the party members falls into a sand pit and oh look, it’s actually some sort of cave and there’s a water source and shade.

So you all go down, and whelp, no idea what to do now, let’s follow where the water source is going, because those always lead to good things, right? So you follow the river, and come out next to a huge… cavern, almost. Up top, there’s a large hole, enough to fit the entire town in. Stepping out of the cave you followed, you can find that there’s a path that spirals around the outside until it reaches the bottom.

The bottom that has a figure chained to a throne with water from several different water sources filling the place up.

You know the drill. Masahiko finds you before you can start going far, and you’re confronted by his Corrupted Narcissism/Greed and he awakens his Persona. Wonderful, my dears. You’ve now got an official navigator, who knows what they’re doing better than Avis!

Anyway, you’ll have to leave after the encounter, because Masahiko does keel over and isn’t looking so hot, so they have to take him out of his Palace.

Everything gets explained to him while he’s recovering, and now that he has a Persona, he can see the cores. His is extremely dark and corrupted, but MC can’t do anything about it without directly interacting with his Shadow. Sayaka also mentions how weird it is that he was infected so fast, and corrupted that quickly, when he was new to town. Sayaka had been in town for six months before she started feeling the effects of the virus, and the MC still has a pure white core. It’s weird that Masahiko is the outlier.

He agrees to help them get to his Shadow (more like invites himself on this quest, much to Miyako’s despair), and this time, you’ve only got two weeks to do it, just to be extra safe. So, from June 24 to July 8 will be your period to save Masahiko.

The path to the bottom of the cavern, where the water rises and Masahiko’s Shadow lies, will be anything but linear. You will continuously go downwards, but will be prevented from going forward one way or another, meaning you’ll have to enter the caves and go through them to reach the next level. They’ll be riddled with Shadows, traps, and riddles you’ll have to solve to make it to the bottom.

Throughout the entire run through the Palace, Masahiko will be sick, and he’ll show symptoms of it much more clearly than Miyako or Yūdai did. Pale, the corners of his eyes red, coughing and choking up, weak and unable to fight. (This will be the main reason he is delegated to Navigator for the duration of his Palace. Even after being cured, he will stick to being the Navigator because it makes him feel useful, and it’s a job he can do and do well)

Eventually, you will find your way to the bottom of the cavern. It’s not just pure sand at the bottom, as it looked from above. It has a distinctive Arrabian feel to it, looking perhaps a bit like the throne room of a castle, if it were built underground.

But the water is slowly rising, and flooding everything. There is a throne on a tall dais, with Masahiko’s Shadow chained to it, looking dead already.

You’ll have to defeat the Corrupted Greed/Narcissism, but getting out will prove to be a challenge. Water starts filling up faster than before, and though your team floats with the rising water, the Shadow Masahiko does not. The real Masahiko starts choking on water, drowning with his Shadow, and the MC swims down and cures him, sending the Shadow away and saving Masahiko, from drowning that way at least.

You’re still not safe yet, and then someone has a brilliant idea that involves flooding the place even faster and going up that way while holding on to the drifting wood. The plan works, and the entire team is basically spat out of the cavern by a geyser and shot out of the door.

Masahiko collapses after you return to town, and is immediately taken to the hospital, where he shall stay until July 10.

July 10 will be his return, though unfortunately you won’t be able to talk to him that day either, as everyone in his class (save for Miyako) bombarded him as soon as he entered the classroom that morning and has not left him alone since. Miyako will find the third years and explain the situation with him, and you all just kind of accept that he’s not in the mood to do any talking after school, still feeling like shit and exhausted form his classmates’ hounding.

July 11 you’ll be able to talk to Masahiko again, and you’ll all gather either outside where you usually do or up on the roof during lunch. There’ll be an argument between Masahiko and Miyako, and from the result of it, Miyako will explain why Tomomi is so important to her and why she’s so pissed at Masahiko being so nonchalaunt about him. Their discussion will end with a bit of playful banter, and nowhere as much hostility, though they will continue to argue and act as rivals for the rest of the game. It’s how they work.

July 12, 13, and 14 will be scripted events relating to family stuff and tutoring from Yuuki. At night, you can invite friends over to do more studying, but July 15-18 will be exam days. Afterwards, you’ll be able to celebrate Masahiko’s release from the hospital and him joining the team.

July 19 officially starts your summer vacation, that first day being your celebration day, to be ended on August 14, and I will write about that… next time.

As a side note, I’m running out of things to put before the plot and shit, so if you guys got questions or things I’m totally blanking on, remind me and I’ll add those in in future installments.

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#persona series #persona 6 #persona 5 #Persona 4 #Persona 3

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unwiltingblossom · 5 years

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Sigurd and Brynhildr are really the most stark and obvious illustration of the difference in the way Fate/Grand Order handles male fanservice and female fanservice, and how they deal with their male and female audience. Until we get Nefertari, or maybe someone like Actually Fate Shirou, they’re probably going to be the best comparison there is with the least wiggle room of ‘but there’s this’. They’re a couple who were released with a large gap of time between them (unlike Ryouma and Oryou or even Aster/Euryale Teach/Drake), and so exist as their own characters. It’s not a case of unrequited or uneven love, and neither had a harem.

Anyway. Sigurd and Bryn. Let’s talk about how they differ. (there are pictures)

Bryn is an unimportant bonus character introduced early in FGO for a special download campaign because she was popular in a different Fate work. She had very little presence in the early game, and only one rate up for two years. Sigurd is a significant character from one chapter in part 2, and for at least a year I think he’s only had just one rate up. Both of their designs are meant to be fanservice and cool.

This is Bryn’s FA -

This is the famous Valkyrie warrior, cursed to kill who she loves. She’s wearing a Japanese school girl outfit and armor that conveniently shows off her breasts, short skirt, thighs, long neck and one of her shoulders. She’s also in heels. Her ascensions are fairly weak, as this was an early game character, so they just put the armor on her that you see here. She’s posing in an alluring and girly way, blushing at the viewer, as the camera is angled upward to look at her goods.

This is Sigurd, the warrior king/prince’s final ascension. He’s in full mecha armor, with only his face exposed. He’s standing sturdily, looking cool and with his weapons at the ready, prepared for battle. The camera is from above, so that you won’t see much below his shoulders, almost completely obscuring his chest and abs, even covered by armor as they are. His ascension path - despite being new - is similarly boring, starting with a full fask mask to top off his armor, then showing off his glasses, then finally ending up like this, maskless. The tone and mood of this is completely the opposite of Bryn’s tranquil scene.

Their valentines and white day CEs are deliberately similar, so I’ll show those, too.

Brynhildr’s frozen chocolate (not meant to be eaten)

Sigurd’s return gift (meant to be worn)

As you can see, they are intentionally meant to be similar. Their bond CEs are also intentionally referencing each other, as Brynhildr’s is named after him, and Sigurd’s is named after her valentine’s CE. Thus, the ways that they’re different are deliberate and significant.

Right out from the gate, we can see that Brynhildr is designed to look feminine and sexy. Her final art is clearly geared toward making her appealing to waifu. Sigurd is designed to look cool. There’s no sex appeal in his design or in his final art. The only part of him that is designed to make a husband lover swoon is that he wears glasses and is voiced by a person who usually voices heart throb characters.

But it goes deeper.

Their My Room lines differ significantly.

As you talk with Brynhildr, she’ll mention that she is intentionally avoiding falling for anyone, because if she loves them, she’s cursed to be driven to try to kill them. As you build bond with her, she inevitably fails to resist Guda, and ends up in love by the end, now determined to hold herself off from harming this person she loves.

As you talk with Sigurd, he’ll mention that he doesn’t believe there’s any room for even friendship between master and servant. He’s cold and abrupt. As you build bond with him, he’ll slowly warm up and realize that despite himself he’s become friends and then very tightly attached to the master - to the point where he’ll compromise his own sense of morality and look the other way if necessary. Love, however, is not mentioned at all.

When Sigurd debuted, he debuted with a line for Brynhildr, and she was given a line for him. Sigurd’s line is him saying that he will prove his everlasting love for Brynhildr. Brynhildr mentions how long it’s been without him, and waffles about whether or not she can now continue to be the master’s servant, but ultimately decides that no matter what, she’ll never hurt the master.

S: “ Brynhildr, is it... She tries to prove her love with that murderous impulse. That makes me happy, but, unfortunately, I will be unable to prove the love I feel towards her if I die. I must survive and also let that love be proven. A difficult thing to accomplish, don't you think... “

B: “Oh, finally ... That person finally came here ... ... .... I understand ...... I just can not understand it. Master, I would like to be your servant if possible. But, if, if ... .... No, nothing. No matter what, Sigurd or I will not hurt you.”

As you can see: just in these lines, Brynhildr’s line is still directly romantic toward Sigurd, but also keeps the master in the situation. And this is worth noting, because a common argument could be ‘oh, Brynhildr was early on, they didn’t know what they were doing, so of course she was made waifu’. Her line for Sigurd is modern (not counting other stuff she appears in), and it remains in the same tone as she’s always had. Sigurd’s is nothing but gushing love for Bryinhildr.

Let’s talk briefly about their roles so far in the story, now.

Bryn’s first *story* appearance is in LB2, same as Sigurd. However, before that she appeared in a few other events, most significantly JAlter’s event. This is relevant, because in this story Brynhildr is yandere dedicated to JAlter, fostering JAlter/Bryn yuri in fandom for years. In this event, it’s not ‘technically’ Brynhildr who loves JAlter, but a copy of her. She appears in other limited capacities after this point, but they’re not that significant.

Sigurd’s is similar. When he appears in LB2, he’s romantically attached in a yandere level to Ophelia (not important who this is, it’s a girl). Technically, it’s not him, as he’s actually possessed by another being while he’s behaving this way. However, unlike Bryn, who remains yandere for JAlter all event long until she dies, Sigurd is able to escape this and has a romantic time with Brynhildr, which people who like Sigurd x Bryn will be happy to go into detail talking about, as it gets plenty of focus.

Now, finally, their Valentines scenes. The scenes are generally accepted to be at least some level of fanservice between the master and the chosen servant. It may be romantic, sexual, platonic, or familial, but the relationship is still the focus of it.

Brynhildr’s scene is from the original round of valentines, so her scene is shorter than later scenes, and it’s straightforward. She says that she wants to express her love for the master, and so in the process of expressing her love for her hero, the master, she created glasses that looked similar to the ones Sigurd wears. She determines that the glasses will definitely suit the master (the chocolate is not meant to be eaten, it’s magically frozen), because the master is her hero, much like Sigurd was. She does mention that Sigurd is the person ‘she loved’, but it’s clear her feelings for the master are both separate and also romantic.

Sigurd’s scene just got released this round. It’s a nice, thoughtful gift where Sigurd gives the master special glasses that will protect the master’s eyes from strain, damage from light, or attacks by beasts or enemies less powerful than servants. And they’re stylish. However, it’s strictly a friendship gesture, as aside from the master getting flustered by him leaning in close to compute the proper measurements for the glasses, there’s not any kind of flirtation or indication of any kind of romantic or sexual feelings for the master. And even worse, one of the times that Sigurd blushes is not when Guda gives him chocolate - he considers that a matter of course - but when he mentions Brynhildr. How does he mention her? By hinting that they did something romantic or sexual for valentines day.

Yeah, that’s right. During a white day/valentine’s scene with Sigurd, the only romantic context involved is hinting that Sigurd did the nasty with someone else that day.This is the same problem that Paracelsus and Saber Diarmuid have (and what Arthur had, until they retconned it as a half-hearted attempt to make up for having nothing for White Day last year), where instead of talking about themselves or the master during their bond lines, they talk about someone else. Except it’s even worse, because at least bond lines can be excused with the idea that sharing thoughts about an important person can be a sign of closeness (though these lines really don’t work like that). Valentines/White Day has only one purpose. It’s fluff fanservice. The only reason for including Bryn is to say that the reason people like Sigurd is for his relationship with Brynhildr.

Now, remember that between these two, Brynhildr is the one who is more hung up on Sigurd in lore. She’s cursed to kill all who she loves due to her misery over killing Sigurd, who she loved. She’s further cursed to try to kill Sigurd because of this, making her character naturally Sigurd-focused. Sigurd, on the other hand, died because he was unfaithful to Brynhildr (in a passive way, but it still amounts to this) and has no associated fixations or curses with this. He’s just a normal person. If anyone should be leaking their love for the other into everything and hard-blocking romance with the master or anyone else, it should be Brynhildr, not Sigurd.

Just a quick note - yes, Brynhildr’s master used a command seal on her to get her to believe her enemies were Sigurd so that she’d kill them, but Rin used a command seal to prevent Archer from harming Shirou, too. Command Seals don’t stay in effect when they’ve been summoned again by a different master in a different timeline. The closest that we have is that she’s drawn to love heroic figures, and because of her love for them she hearkens it back to Sigurd. It’s not a berserker Kiyohime or Phantom thing (which is another kind of unpleasant comparison to make) where they think the master is someone that the master isn’t. The master merely reminds Bryn of Sigurd *because* she loves them, she doesn’t love them because they remind her of Sigurd.

So.

That was rather lengthy, but I wanted to go over all the differences, because on their own, people like to try to pick it apart and downplay it. It’s worth noting that in Bryn’s bond CE it’s more about her love for Sigurd and in Sigurd’s bond CE there’s some indication of romance/sexual behavior with the master, but this is the only time it’s swapped like that.

The evidence here should speak for itself. Short of Nefertari debuting and being into the master, we probably wouldn’t get any more direct and obvious an illustration of how FGO deals with female players vs male ones than this. In this, we see that the female side of the romance has two separate existences - one in the main story where she realizes her romantic subplot with Sigurd, and one in the side story stuff/my room fanservice lines where she’s into the master. It’s not treated as weird or inappropriate to waifu her or for her to have romantic interests in people other than Sigurd despite her love for him being so important to her character and lore.

In the male side, Sigurd only exists to be romanced with Brynhildr. He has a nice little friendship built up with the master, but his story is all about his romance with Brynhildr, his design and FA is actively avoiding having him made up as a husband/swooning material, and even his valentine only has romantic fanservice for Sigurd/Bryn. If you’re not into Sigurd/Brynhildr, you’ve still got plenty to get from Brynhildr, but you’re SoL with Sigurd. This extends into fandom, as you’ll find plenty of Bryn/JAlter yuri and a good amount of Bryn/Guda art and material, but if you look for anything with Sigurd other than Bryn (or sometimes Ophelia, related to him being possessed), there just isn’t any. And don’t even hope to find Sigurd/Guda stuff, because there’s nothing.

And this is just how it is. That’s why Saber Diarmuid pointlessly has his lines all cluttered with talk about Artoria for no reason - when he hates her by the end of F/Z - but Semiramis barely speaks about Amakusa and instead flirts with the master. There’s the odd outlier like the Prince of Lanling who is super dere for the master and Tomoe who friendzones the master, but for the most part, the women are almost entirely designed with the explicit intent of making them moe, waifu-able, and romanceable. The men...aren’t.

And this double standard is pretty vexing, as someone who is more interested in swoonable husbands than moe waifu.

If you somehow don’t believe me about all this, just wait for Nefertari and Haydee to debut. If they’re summonable, wait for their blushing my room lines and valentines scenes where they acknowledge their feelings for Dantes/Ozy, but confess anyway. And if they’re not, well...even Nobukatsu experiences this compared to Nobunaga (Nobunaga having a mostly naked FA, romantic content for the master, and a full fanservice alt character, and Nobukatsu again having 100% of his character entirely based on being moe toward Nobunaga, with zero room for the master in that).

#fate/grand order #fate/prototype #brynhildr #sigurd #fgo #ooc #meta #rant

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thegizka · 5 years

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Inevitable Three (fic)

Idiots. If they were going to get kidnapped, they could at least let her get kidnapped with them!

Inspired by Ino Week 2019: Favorite Bond.

Read it on Ao3.

“There’s a cluster of chakra signatures up ahead!”

Ino signalled, and her squad descended from the trees to a clump of bushes on the forest floor.

“Where and how many?” she asked, turning to Hinata.

“I’m not sure about the exact number since they’re so close together, but at least twenty.”

“And Chouji and Shikamaru?” Tenten asked.

“They’re there. Their chakra seems normal, if a little weak.”

Good. They weren’t under any genjutsu.

“Anything else?”

“They’ve set up traps in the surrounding woods. Nothing special, just paper bombs and tripwires.”

“Let’s go,” Temari said, already standing.

“Not yet.” Ino grabbed her arm and pulled her down again. “We need a plan.”

“Avoid the traps, take down the enemy, and get them out of there. That’s the plan.”

“That’s not a plan,” Ino hissed. “We need more details, which calls for reconnaissance. Hinata, find me a squirrel or a mouse, something inconspicuous. Then help Tenten find and disable the traps. Temari, you’ll have to watch my back for a bit.”

She could see a protest starting to form on the Suna kunoichi’s lips, but she bit it back. She wasn’t even supposed to be here. She had just arrived from Suna that afternoon. When Shikamaru hadn’t met her at the gates like he usually did, she had figured he’d been called to help with an emergency. What she hadn’t expected was to walk into the Hokage’s office as Ino informed Kakashi that her teammates had been abducted that morning.

Ino was supposed to have met them for some training and lunch, but a clan emergency had delayed her. It had been both good and bad. She hadn’t been abducted with them, but she also hadn’t been there to help them fend off the kidnappers. She knew it had been meant for all three of them from the traces of flash bombs and the spread of the damage. The kidnappers had come prepared to counteract the Naras’ shadow jutsu and go toe-to-toe with the powerhouse that was Chouji. Between the flash bombs and destructive combat, it would have been difficult to get a lock on someone for her mind transfer jutsu.

When Temari had burst in while she was recounting this information to Kakashi, she had been surprised at how anxious the Suna ambassador had become. She and Shikamaru had been dancing around officially dating for months. Still, she ought to know staying level-headed was the best way to help the abductees. It was one of Shikamaru’s golden rules.

Ino couldn’t tell if this was a strike against the Leaf or their clans specifically. With Naruto away on a mission with Sakura and Sai, and Sasuke journeying who knows where on his path of atonement, her team was one of the strongest lines of defense for the village. Shinobi across the nations had learned to respect the InoShikaCho teams, maybe even fear them. It was part of their fathers’ legacies. That, and the responsibility of being the heads of their clans, giving them great influence within the village. They could easily be leveraged as hostages and used to threaten the Leaf.

Within moments of learning about the abduction, Kakashi ordered her to assemble a team and go after them. Hinata’s sensory jutsu and Tenten’s adaptability made them the ideal partners in this recovery mission. Temari should have left it to them. It was Leaf business, after all, and any interference by a Suna ninja could cause diplomatic rifts between nations. From the handful of interactions they’d had, Ino knew the wind-style user was smart and could handle herself. But she was a largely unknown variable, and her presence complicated this mission.

“There’s a squirrel in the tree to your left,” Hinata whispered, pointing. Ino followed the trajectory of her finger with her eyes until she spotted the telltale twitch of its tail.

“Thanks. Give me five minutes.”

In moments, she was running through the trees towards the enemy’s camp. She preferred using birds for reconnaissance with their precise eyes and swift wings, but time was urgent and the squirrel would accomplish the task. The mind transfer was always more disorienting when used on smaller creatures. The world became different, distorted, strangely proportioned, and her body was suddenly small and simpler than the range of her mind. It was uncomfortable, but she would endure a lifetime of discomfort to get her teammates back.

The kidnappers had chosen a small clearing for their camp and boldly lit two fires. Were they that confident in their abilities to retain their captives, or were they looking to be found? She slowed as she approached, carefully stalking along the branches to escape detection and take in the cluster of shinobi sharing dinner or standing guard. She couldn’t see any village headbands or distinctive clan markings on any of them. They were probably hired thugs paid to execute the kidnapping and make it difficult to trace the actual perpetrators. It was frustrating not knowing who was after her team.

But figuring that out could wait. Rescuing Shikamaru and Chouji came first. She could see them at the edge of the camp tied to a large oak tree while four of the kidnappers stood guard. Blood had crusted over a wound on Chouji’s forehead and his eyes were closed. She hoped he was okay. Shikamaru had a cut on his cheek but was scanning the encampment with narrowed eyes. She could practically see the cogs of his brain spinning as he gathered information and extrapolated meaning.

She chose a perch in an oak next to the one where her friends were tied. She had a clear view of Shikamaru between two of the guards, and she was high enough not to catch their notice unless they were deliberately looking up in the trees. Like Shikamaru was.

She flicked the squirrel’s tail purposefully as his eyes passed over her and he paused. He blinked once, slow and deliberate, tilting his head slightly to his right. She flicked her tail once to confirm that yes, it was her. The ghost of a grin pulled and her teammate’s lips. He had understood. Now they could start their discussion.

She cocked her head and flicked her tail twice. Are you okay?

He blinked once. Yes.

She cocked her head and flicked her tail three times. Is Chouji okay?

He blinked once. Yes.

That was a relief. Chouji must be faking the gravity of his injuries to better catch the enemy off guard. Or he was genuinely sleeping. Her teammates had an annoying knack for rest and relaxation every chance they got.

She lifted her right paw and cocked her head again. How many enemies?

He wrinkled his nose twice, then blinked twice. Twenty-two. He gave her a long wink with his left eye. One warning. He blinked three times. Kekkei genkai.

That could make things tricky. It was nearly impossible to communicate the nature of a kekkei genkai using their nonverbal code. Nor would she be able to easily counteract it without knowing what it was. Things could get tricky.

She cocked her head and raised her left paw, asking a final question. What’s the level of danger?

The smile tugged at Shikamaru’s mouth again. He blinked once and shook his head slightly. Ino narrowed her eyes. If they were a level one threat, meaning barely any danger at all, how the heck had they managed to capture Shikamaru and Chouji? It didn’t make sense. But if he claimed they were barely a threat, she had to trust him. After all, he was the smartest person she knew.

She flicked her tail three times before scampering away. Fifteen minutes. That would be just enough time to get back to the rescue squad and come up with a plan. There were a myriad of unknown factors that she couldn’t account for, so she focused on what she knew. She had a team with wide-ranging skills, the best in the village. She knew the number of their enemies and the layout of their camp. She knew Shikamaru was confident in their victory, even with an unknown kekkei genkai in the mix. Really, that was all the information she needed.

A moment later she was blinking up at Hinata and Tenten, Temari kneeling alertly next to them. It was always momentarily disorienting to return to her body after being squished into a smaller being. Her human body seemed so much larger, and her mind was no longer confined to the simplicity of a smaller animal. A lot of early training had been dedicated to shortening the time of disorientation so she could bounce back quickly in a fight.

“Ino,” Hinata breathed. “Were you able to find them?”

“Yeah.” She sat up, mind working faster than it had moments before. “They’re both fine. Are the traps disabled?”

“Every one we could find,” Tenten reported,” and we were thorough.”

“Okay, good.” She relayed what she had learned and the plan she had come up with. Then they began creeping toward the camp, wasting none of the fifteen minutes she had given them to prepare and launch their rescue.

“Temari,” she whispered, dropping back a step to speak with the Suna kunoichi, “I need you to stay out of this fight no matter what.”

The wind user narrowed her eyes but remained silent.

“Shikamaru would never forgive me for increasing his workload if your involvement caused an international incident. And no doubt the Kazekage would be hard-pressed to explain why his ambassador got tied up in an internal affair of the Leaf.”

“I know,” she growled. “I understand the implications of my being here. It’s my job.”

Ino pressed her lips together tightly. Temari could be blunt and sharp, especially when her emotions were running high. She was less tactful than usual. But she was also rational, even under pressure.

“I won’t do anything to risk our peace,” she promised, “assuming your plan goes smoothly.”

“It will,” Ino insisted, a grim smile painting her face. It has to.

They paused on the edge of the camp, giving Hinata time to better map their enemies’ positions with her Byakugan. Ino also stretched her mind, using it to pinpoint the guards around her teammates. She could feel the pressure building behind her eyes as she reached further, connecting with Shikamaru and Chouji. Their minds were familiar and comforting. She reached into their thoughts and was relieved to find Chouji alert and ready. Shikamaru was steadily counting down the final seconds of the fifteen minutes she had promised. She pushed her mind to reach Tenten and Hinata waiting beside her so they could all hear Shikamaru’s countdown and her quick summary of their plan. Chouji focused on what he knew from their abduction--that the man near the far fire with the sword seemed to be their leader, and the brother-sister duo standing guard on the far side of the camp were the kekkei genkai users, able to turn their bodies to steel and withstand powerful physical attacks. The details were communicated quickly and last-minute, but the information was vital to the success of their rescue, and she had known her captured teammates would be able to fill in the missing details of her plan. They had prepared for situations like this.

Four...Three...Two...One.

Suddenly the camp was filled with smoke, the smoke bombs they’d thrown discharging and obscuring their surprise attack. Ino felt Hinata race towards the kekkei genkai users, eager to block their chakra before they could join the fight. Surprised shouts and groans signalled Tenten setting to work with her bo staff, using the element of surprise to mow down as many as she could before they got wise to what was happening.

Ino wasted no time making her way to her captive teammates, a kunai gripped in her hand. She did her part in thinning the enemies’ number, taking down one guard with a stab behind the knee and another with a palm-strike to the nose and a knee in the gut. Slipping past a third guard, she slashed through the ropes keeping her friends tied. She threw Shikamaru’s knuckle knives into the tree near their owner before turning back to their adversaries, fending them off long enough for her friends to untangle themselves from their bonds.

Chouji let out a roar as he pulled free, and all of Ino’s worries disappeared. The outcome of this fight was now inevitable, even if the odds were twenty-two to five. She’d be confident if the odds were twenty-two to three. The kidnappers may have rallied now that the element of surprise was gone, but they were no more of a threat now than they had been when they first sprung their rescue. Nothing could stand against the perfect InoShikaCho formation.

The fight was over in less than ten minutes. The full force of their team ravaged the kidnappers. Hinata’s quick action had disabled the kekkei genkai users before they could pose a threat, and Tenten triumphed during a stellar bout of one-on-one combat to take down the group’s leader. But the most impressive work was the newly freed prisoners and their teammate. Without speaking, without even using a mental connection or nonverbal code, they moved totally in sync. Ino knew how those boys were going to fight almost better than she knew what she herself would do. She knew when to be the diversion and when to be the fatal strike. They were a single organism, moving as one, rising as one, triumphing as one. Everything was as it should be.

“See?” Shikamaru smiled as he finished binding the last of the kidnappers with some rope Tenten had brought, “I told you they weren’t a threat.”

Ino rolled her eyes, but she was too giddy with fading adrenaline to argue. She pulled him toward her with an arm around his shoulders, using her other arm to bring in their partner. “Next time you two decide to get kidnapped, remember to wait for me, okay?”

“You got it,” Chouji chuckled as they pressed their foreheads together in a group hug. They held the hug for an extended moment, drinking in the relief of being back together, their breaths subconsciously syncing up. This was comfortable, comforting, and as it should be. Her friends--her brothers--were okay, and that was everything.

“Typical,” a voice behind them said, breaking the moment. “I arrive in the village to find someone needs rescuing. Again.”

“Temari.” Shikamaru pulled away, a look of surprise morphing into a frown. “What are you doing here?”

“Come on, let me take a look at that head wound,” Ino said, leading Chouji to sit on an exposed tree root far enough away to give their partner and his maybe-girlfriend some privacy.

“Here, I figured you might want this,” she began, pulling a bag of chips and half of a sandwich from the pouch at her waist.

“Aw yes!” Chouji cheered. “Ino, you’re a lifesaver!”

“And don’t you forget it,” she huffed. “Now let me see that thick head of yours.”

She cleaned away the dried blood while her teammate munched away happily. She wanted to ask him what he knew about the kidnappers so she could begin piecing together the narrative and compile questions for interrogation. Her work was just beginning. For the safety of the village and their clans, she would get to the bottom of this abduction and make sure something like this never happened again. But right now they were all exhausted. Getting intel could wait for the night. After all, the kidnappers weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

When a jounin team arrived twenty minutes later to help them escort their prisoners to the village, they were all sitting together on the tree root passing the bag of potato chips between them. Ino was tucked between her teammates, head resting on Chouji’s shoulder with her leg pressed against Shikamaru’s. He and Temari seemed to have come to some sort of mutual understanding because she was leaning against his other side, his arm casually wrapped around her. Hinata rested against Ino’s knees, humming quietly to herself as she looked at the stars, and Tenten drew nonsensical patterns in the dirt with the tip of a kunai while she watched the prisoners out of the corner of her eye.

Tomorrow would bring numerous questions and--hopefully--much-needed answers. There would be meetings with the Hokage and their clans and their friends. This event was a stone that would cause ripples in their lives, but in this moment, exhausted and squished between two of the people she loved most, Ino knew they were unstoppable. They would ride whatever waves were to come because nothing could stand against InoShikaCho.

#gizka #my words #naruto #yamanaka ino #inoweek2019 #nara shikamaru #akimichi chouji #inoshikacho #team ten #inoshikacho are LIFE #hyuuga hinata #tenten #temari #kaze queen

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onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks · 6 years

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ACOFAS Ramblings

This is gonna be super long-winded. I have a LOT to say. Buckle in, folk

I have so many feelings on this novella I really don’t even know where to begin. I was really really excited for it and since actually reading it am now left kind of floundering in a weird range of emotions that cover every side of the spectrum. I’ll say it now: I had a lot of issues with it. This “review” (if it can even be called a review) is probably going to come across as really negative and for that I apologize. I don’t LIKE shitting all over books. I am 100% NOT on board with hating, over-analyzing, and criticizing an author/series just because it’s popular. But if there’s one thing I can say about Sarah J. Maas, it’s that she has the surefire knack for turning me from a level-headed logical adult reader to a rabid crazed homicidal lunatic. It happens every time and yet every time I’m still taken by surprise by it each time.

Those of you who follow me or have read any of my reviews before know that I have some pretty mixed feelings on the ACOTAR series. I was one of the (apparently very few) people who loved ACOTAR. I eagerly awaited the second book, only to be left completely shocked and reeling after seeing the direction the story had so abruptly taken. Most of this stems from the way Tamlin’s character was handled and treated demonized by the fandom. I have a whole long rant that goes in-depth about all that. I’ll leave it here. If you don’t feel like going into all of it, I’ll do my best to sum it up: The overwhelming beating-over-the-head message we had forced onto us every 5 seconds that certain characters were perfect and others were abusive neanderthals was obnoxious and unfair to me. I have SO many feelings on that, I’m not going to get into all of it here. If you want to know, read that post ^. But anyway, this colored my judgement on the series as a whole for a long time. Once I had gotten over the initial shock, I went back and re-read both ACOTAR and ACOMAF leading up the release of ACOWAR. I was able to enjoy them 1000x more and even though I didn’t agree with a lot of the things that were going down, I had accepted that they were happening and was holding out for redemption.

At the same time, though. . .I could totally understand how everyone went so bananas over the series??? Whenever I hear it described as crack, I have to pause and reflect on just how accurate that statement really is. It IS an amazing story, Sarah DOES write amazing characters, so many of the things that happen reduce me to a hysterical emotional mess. And yet, if I really stop and think about it, it’s like Ok wait. . .I actually have some major problems with all of this, like some seriously problematic things are at play here and yet I can’t stop reading and being obsessed with it?? Literal book crack, I tell you.

So once I had made peace the best I could with the series up to that point, I was READY for ACOWAR. I was pumped. And I ended up loving it!!! I was so pleasantly surprised on how things went down. Were there things that I still disagreed with, and wished I could shout from the rooftop to the general fandom? You bet there were. But overall I was so impressed with most of the characters and so much enjoying the direction their stories were going that I found it to be a truly satisfying ending that left me eagerly looking forward to what was to come. I was PUMPED for this novella.

And. . .

I had some issues. You bet I did. I understand this is just a novella and not meant to rival what a full blown novel is like in any way. It’s supposed to be a bridge, in a sense, for further growth for the characters. But this just seemed like a step BACK for so many of them that it made me frustrated.

We may as well just start with the Tamlin thing and get it out of the way, because everyone knows I’m going to rant about it. I am filled with so much rage on behalf of his character, it’s not even funny anymore. I am APPALLED at the way he is treated by everyone, Rhys in particular. All of these people saying he’s “not worthy” of forgiveness. . .I can’t. I literally can’t. The hypocrisy here is so strong I can smell it from another dimension. When I think of how many people in Sarah’s books the narrative has set up for us to forgive, despite the ACTUAL horrible things they’ve done (Jurian--seduced Amarantha’s sister into giving up information, then slowly brutally tortured her to death, the Archeron father--sat by knowing that despite being handicapped, he was leading his children down the path of starvation and death by doing nothing whatsoever to help their situation, Manon--spent decades and decades brutally murdering people (I don’t care if you make the argument that this is her grandmother’s fault for ruining her--I fucking love Manon, she’s one of my favorite characters, but it doesn’t change the fact that she has a lot of blood on her hands, and still did all she’s accused of), even fucking ERIS now apparently has some mysterious redemption-maybe thing going on) I just want to scream. What unforgivable crime is Tamlin guilty of??????? Misunderstanding Feyre? Being delusional? Being immature and talking inappropriate shit in front of other people??

Tamlin NEVER tells Feyre she is “not allowed” or “not worthy” to be a High Lady. NO ONE in Prythian has High Ladies! Feyre tells him she DOESN’T want to be one and he’s like “Don’t worry babe, that’s cool, they’re not really a thing anyway”. Unimpressive? No doubt. But if you’re going to shit all over Tamlin for this reason, then you’d better start doing it to every other High Lord too, given how utterly shocked they are when Feyre and Rhys show up to that High Lords meeting in ACOWAR and announce that Feyre is High Lady. You’d better start saying it about Kallias too, who clearly respects, trusts, and adores Viviane, but has not made her his High Lady. It is literally treated as something Rhys and Feyre made up.

Tamlin has to watch Rhys basically strip Feyre, paint her body with all kinds of weird tattoo art, and drug her into oblivion night after night Under the Mountain. Don’t tell me none of you were a little skeeved by this in ACOTAR. Don’t tell me there wasn’t ONE of you that wasn’t like Wow, this guy is a fucking creep. I’m NOT saying Rhys IS a fucking creep, he is far from it. I’m merely saying it’s not far-fetched at all for someone to think that about him after witnessing that, BECAUSE HE IS ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CREEP. Yes yes yes, we all now understand WHY he did it but guess what?? Tamlin doesn’t! BECAUSE NO ONE FUCKING COMMUNICATES WITH EACH OTHER IN THIS SERIES!!!! (Oh believe me, this is something I’m about to make a fucking point of in a little bit). Tamlin thinks Amarantha’s boyfriend, the guy who treats Feyre this way, has tricked her into residing in his court that no one has ever seen or been to, but Amarantha supposedly modeled her own after. DELUSIONAL DELUSIONAL DELUSIONAL!!! The fact that he couldn’t see how badly Feyre was suffering shows how poorly suited they are for each other. On top of that, we’re told in ACOWAR that finding a mate in the romantic sense that Feyre and Rhys have is rare. Mating bonds can be as simple as the matching of the most productive DNA. Tamlin AND Rhys’s parents were mates who were “wrong” for each other. Rhys gives a whole speech to Feyre about how sometimes the males who were mated to a female feel that they are “entitled” to her and will fight the male she has chosen for herself to the death. While I personally believe this was only added in to bring about drama to the Elain-Lucien-Azriel mess, if it’s something we’re actually sticking to, it certainly sheds a new light on the way Tamlin reacted in Hybern at the end of ACOMAF, where he was snarling at Rhys that he didn’t give a shit if he was Feyre’s mate. Again: DE. LOU. SION. AL. But being a delusional dumb ass is NOT the same thing as being a controlling entitled psychopath. Tamlin, the dumb motherfucker that he is, has no idea that Rhys has even been good to Feyre in any way. Feyre does not say, “We’re in love” and he responds with “I don’t give a shit”. THAT would be as bad as everyone is acting like it is.

The two things I absolutely will give the Tamlin criticizers are: him finally locking her up in the manor and his appalling and completely out-of-line behavior at the High Lords meeting. There’s no good explanation for him shutting her in the manor, other than the fact that he let his own PTSD, fear, and rage get the best of him and control his actions. It was WRONG and he 100% owes her an actual apology for it. I completely understand Feyre harboring bad feelings towards him for that. And then the High Lords meeting. . .come on, dude. It was embarrassing af. I get that he was hurt and pissed and embarrassed, but coming in there and trash talking them, bringing up their former sex life. . .no. It was way out-of-line.

The rest of it, though. . .Rhys keeps harping on and on about how badly Tamlin “hurt” Feyre. I’m sure I’ll get enough hate mail to wrap around the circumference of the world for this, but. . .how? What did he REALLY do that is so unworthy of forgiveness? Wanted her to wear fancy dresses and be an accessory as he ruled the Spring Court? Have his babies? Buried his head in the sand and wasn’t able to cope with her PTSD because he was knee-deep in issues of his own? Locking her up in the manor, fine. I’m 100% with you on that. But like. . .I’d just like to say. In ACOTAR, Rhys deliberately pushed on a bone protruding from Feyre’s arm to get her to cooperate him and agree to agreeing with him. Not only is he completely forgiven for it, it is never brought up again once in the entire series. If that’s going to be brushed aside and ignored, we REALLY can’t forgive Tamlin for making a really poor decision? No one is denying what he did was wrong, least of all me. But my God. You can’t even say that he sided with Hybern and fucked everyone over to get her back. He made it very clear in ACOWAR that he did this purely to gain assistance in (what he believed was) rescuing her, and then planned to take Hybern down from the inside. Do not tell me Rhys wouldn't do the same thing for her. Rhys DID do the same thing for his family and the entire city of Velaris. Rhys did horrible things to protect the people he loved. Imagine how Clare Beddor’s family would feel towards him, and what he subjected her to in the name of protecting Feyre. I know Rhys took all her pain away from her in the moment of the actual torturing but in the case of the point I’m making, that is so not the point. She was still kidnapped from her home and undoubtedly terrified beyond belief. She was still degraded and humiliated in front of strangers who meant her harm. Her family still lost a daughter. Do I blame Rhys for it? No. He took a really awful situation and did what he could to do the best for his loved ones. The world isn’t black and white, sometimes people are forced to choose between a bad choice or a even worse choice. He gets the benefit of the doubt, but Tamlin never does. Anyway, all of these things. . .wanting to mold her into something she’s not, consuming himself in his own head rather than making an effort to dig deeper with her, to me just sounds like two people who aren’t well suited for each other. I’d really like to think that had these people communicated like actual adults, it all most likely could have been peacefully resolved without all this bullshit and drama. Feyre and Tamlin DESPERATELY need to sit down and have an actual conversation, WITHOUT RHYS PRESENT.

So yeah. To see JURIAN, who literally intentionally seduced a woman and then brutally tortured her to death, now apparently be Not So Bad After All and hanging out in the Lucien friend gang but see Tamlin being scorned and mocked and completely dismissed for any sort of redemption is blood boiling to me.

“But--peace. We had peace within our sights.

I could rip him apart after we attained it.”

“Low. It was a low blow. I had everything--everything I’d wished for, dreamed of, begged the stars to give me.

He had nothing. Had been given everything and squandered it. He didn’t deserve my pity, my sympathy.

No, Tamlin deserved what he’d brought on himself, this husk of a life.

He deserved every empty room, every snarl of thorns, every meal he had to hunt for himself.”

“You deserve everything that has befallen you. You deserve this pathetic, empty house, your ravaged lands. I don’t care if you offered that kernel of life to save me, I don’t care if you still love my mate. I don’t care that you saved her from Hybern, or a thousand enemies before that. I hope you live the rest of your miserable life alone here. It’s a far more satisfying end than slaughtering you.”

Congratulations, Rhys. All this I hear about the Honorable, Self-Sacrificing, Most Powerful High Lord in Prythian’s history, and you’ve managed to make me see you as nothing more than a Grade A Dick.

HOW you can bring yourself to be that cruel to someone that is in the level of disparity that he is in is beyond me. Unless he’s a straight up rapist or murderer, I do not believe he deserves this one bit. Feyre “survived” him. . .I have never heard a more overdramatic statement in my life. Feyre survived her severe PTSD. Tamlin was not the cause of this. He did nothing to help it, which is a pretty dick move and definitely not the way you want to treat someone you claim to love, but he is not where her issues were stemming from. Tamlin was severely misguided but his intentions were good. I know no one on the face of the Earth wants to hear that, but is the literal truth. He owes some major apologies and could benefit from some serious self-reflection but Rhys is treating him like he shackled Feyre in a dungeon and beat and raped her repeatedly.

Basically, Rhysand needs to Chill The Fuck Out about many things, and I’ll touch more on this later.

What’s very conflicting for me right now is the direction Sarah’s trying to lead us in. A big thing that I’ve been an advocate of lately is that a character’s thoughts, opinions, and beliefs do NOT mean the author holds those same thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. When people criticize a character’s actions for being problematic, I try to consider the fact that maybe it was intentional of the author to write them this way. Maybe they’re not trying to make them this pillar of morality, maybe they’re just being a character that, at the end of the day, is just that: a character. A form of entertainment. The confliction I’m here is that the narrative has been incredibly biased towards Rhys and Feyre since the first page of ACOMAF. Pretty much every single thing up to this point has been presented as whatever they think, say, and do is what everyone is cheering for. So like. . .does Sarah herself actually feel this way about Tamlin? Or is she just giving us what she truly thinks Rhys and Feyre are feeling about Tamlin at this point, whether that’s right or wrong? I’d truly like to hope for the latter but I honestly can’t tell. Some people are theorizing that this was intentional, to make Rhys seem not quite so saintly and perfect. . .to give him true flaws and an ugly side, to make him more realistic. But I can’t even really find satisfaction in this until I know for sure. All I know is, we haven’t seen the last of him yet. I still think that random girl they rescued from the Hybern camp with Elain is his mate, Briar. (“I spoke to Vairan, Prince of Adriata,” I said, lingering on the other side of the table,the rack of antlers like a briar of thorns between us). Briar Rose, Court of Thorns and Roses, Sleeping Beauty, blah blah blah. I’d bet money on it. At this point, I’d need to see a hardcore turn around in his character and the way he’s treated by the fandom to be satisfied.

Another character I’m pretty appalled at the treatment of is Lucien. Feyre’s attitude towards him in this really pissed me off.

“Interesting.”

His golden eye whirred. “What is.” (OMFG STOP WITH THE QUESTIONS WITHOUT QUESTION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Not feeling very festive at all, I said sharply, “That you now feel more comfortable with humans than with High Fae. If you ask me--”

“I’m not.”

“It seems like you’ve decided to fall in with two people without homes of their own as well.”

Yo Feyre, who had a hand in making it so that he has no home?! Honestly, keep your preachy shit to yourself.

“And what, exactly, does this Band of Exiles plan to do? Host events? Organize party-planning committees?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to go. You ruined any chance I have of going back to Spring. Not to Tamlin, but to the court beyond his house. Everyone either still believes the lies you spun or they believe me complicit in your deceit. And as for here. . .I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes. I can’t stand to be in this court and have your mate pay for the very clothes on my back.”

Feyre acknowledges that she holds part of the blame for the position he’s in, for the rift she helped create between him and Tamlin. But she “didn’t feel quite guilty enough to warrant apologizing for it. Not yet. Possibly not ever”. Like for God’s sake, is there no end in punishment for some of these people????? It’s like the narrative has decided that there are just some people who’s pain and problems don’t matter (and apparently Jurian, the torturer and murderer, is not one of them). Lucien was a doormat to Tamlin and didn’t step up to help Feyre when she needed someone. But Feyre��s Holier Than Thou attitude towards him is getting old. Lucien has, in my eyes, more than made up for anything Feyre could still be upset about towards him. In some ways, you could argue that he was a victim of Tamlin just as much as she was! He clearly felt super indebted to him because of how Tamlin took him in after he had been exiled from the Autumn Court. He got his eyeball clawed out delivering a message for Tamlin. He was held Under the Mountain and was inches away from being brutally killed (remember Feyre’s second task?). He endured Calanmai in Tamlin’s place. And then he finally decides what he believes in and stands for, and leaves the Spring Court with her. He defends her against his brothers and then finds himself in a foreign court among people he always heard were violent and untrustworthy. He’s viewed as an outsider but he does his best to do what he can for the cause against Hybern. He has no true home, no family that cares about him, no true place in the world. He’s clearly struggling with the mating bond, but respects Elain, gives her her space, and doesn’t try and force himself on her. Not to mention he was the only one who was dropping truth bombs in this entire damned thing: “Your mate should have known better than to kick a downed male”.

And as far as the whole mating bond thing with them even goes. . .aadskflsdjfsjkdslk. If I had one ounce of sense, I would FORCE myself to not care about the situation. I would make myself believe I didn’t have any sort of preference, and that Elain could end up with either him or Azriel and it wouldn't make a difference for me. I know how SJM operates and it has come back to bite me in the ass one too many times. But of course, being a complete masochist, I have set myself up for stress and strife as an Elucien shipper. Not exactly warm and fuzzy feels from these two in this installment. I’m fine though, I’m not mad. It’s true, Elain doesn’t really owe him anything just because they’re mates (perhaps this was the mindset Tamlin had when he first heard Rhys was Feyre’s mate when he believed Feyre still loved him??? Ever occur to anyone???) and if she doesn’t want to be with him that way, of course she doesn’t have to. She’s cold to him, but I think that’s because he’s an obvious physical reminder of the permanence of her Fae life, which she’s obviously still struggling with. She clearly has some issues of her own to work through still, and this isn’t what she needs right now. I’m sure we’ll be dragged through all kinds of shit before we can come to a resolution.

Another HUGE topic of debate right now is Nesta. It’s what I’ve seen people talking about the most. Again, my emotions are a giant clusterfuck regarding this right now because I am so conflicted. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I pretty much agree with everything everyone’s saying on both sides of the argument apart from one thing. I completely disagree with those who are saying that her behavior right now is out of character. This is what I was fully expecting after ACOMAF. I was fully prepared to see her in this state in ACOWAR. Given the deep inner rage we often her about her having, the circumstances under which she became Fae, and all the other shit going on, I figured we had a long and ugly road ahead of us in ACOWAR. When we finally saw her again and found that she wasn’t in this state, I was pleasantly surprised. She clearly had some issues (the whole bathtub thing was heartbreaking) but overall, she was a much more pleasant character to read about than she ever had been before. She was treating Feyre better, she was taking action toward solving problems that affected her, rather than making others do it out of spite, she had some nice moments with Cassian. I found myself warming to her a lot. This one started and it was just immediately a night and day difference. Initially, my question was. . .why now? I didn’t mean that to sound sarcastic or shity, I was really wondering. Now I’m thinking the delay of the onslaught of all this is due to a few things: the fact that she really was this messed up over the whole thing the whole time but was just powering through it because Elain was suffering, the violence she was exposed to in the war, and the complicated feelings she now probably has towards their father.

I have super complicated feelings about Nesta, I always have. I know a lot of people really love her as a character but I find myself hovering somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Point blank: She was awful to Feyre in their human life. And I’m not even talking about “letting” Feyre take on all the responsibility of providing for all of them and do all the hunting. That’s something that really gets me irritated. Just because Nesta was 3 years older than Feyre does not mean that she should be held to the same standard that Feyre’s parent should have been. It was that FATHER’S job to provide for his CHILDREN. Nesta was just as much a victim in that situation as Feyre was. They were all still children when they were going through that shit. . .why should Nesta be expected to figure out how to take care of all of them any more than Feyre had to? It was heartbreaking that that was placed on her shoulders. I don’t blame Nesta for that. What I DO blame her for is how utterly cruel and awful she treated Feyre on a day-to-day basis. When I went back and re-read ACOTAR last year, I was SHOCKED at how blatantly terrible she is to Feyre, I had forgotten how bad it was. For the first part of that book, every thought of self-doubt, unworthiness, or self-hatred Feyre thinks to herself is spoken internally in Nesta’s voice. I’m not exaggerating when I say that--she literally says she hears it in Nesta’s voice. She’s just honestly horrendous overall.

Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.”

I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s stil-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together by only fraying laces.

I looked up in time to see Nesta crinkle her nose with a sniff. She picked at my cloak. “You stink like a pig covered in it’s own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?

I didn’t let the sting and ache show. I’d been too young to learn more than the basics of manners and reading and writing when our family had fallen into misfortune and she’d never let me forget it.

Nesta’s nostrils delicately flared. “There’s nothing you can do. Clare Beddor told me this afternoon that Tomas is going to propose to me any day now. And then I’ll never have to eat these scraps again.” She added with a small smile, “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.”

“What do you know?” Nesta breathed. “You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up and someday--someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you or to care that you ever existed.”

I don’t really care if you have rage issues or whatever. I don’t really care if you have all this pent up aggression towards your father and are embarrassed that you suck at hunting and can’t provide for the family the way Feyre can. You can still recognize that she has a talent you don’t, and be pleasant, kind, and decent to her instead of looking for ways to unnecessarily insult her. That’s where my issue stems from. The thing I keep seeing brought up (lbr, by Rhys) is that she let her 14 year old sister go off in the woods and didn’t do anything to help. But I’m just like Uhhh forget all that, just tell me why you gotta be such an awful bitch to Feyre?! Now really, I think I know why. Sarah has said herself in interviews that Nesta and Elain were two characters that started out as really one dimensional and surprised her with the direction their characters ended up going and the huge part they ended up playing. I honestly think that at the time she published ACOTAR, she hadn’t made these decisions yet. Nesta is just too awful. Yeah she goes and tries to hunt her down after Tamlin takes her, but she’s so wretched in the beginning that I have to think this was when SJM was simply trying to portray the two wicked sisters thing (which was a thing in the original Beauty and the Beast fairytale).

So yeah, I really REALLY don’t like the person she was at the beginning of the series. All throughout ACOMAF and ACOWAR I would find myself hopping on board the Nesta Is Awesome Train and then come to a screeching halt when I remembered this. She feels so deeply. . .so she tears Feyre down and makes her feel like shit? And yet I’m still pretty invested in her as a character? I don’t even know. I liked the direction her character seemed to be heading, especially after ACOWAR so I was on board for a healing/redemption thing.

Now, did I like where her character’s story was going in this one? Fuck no!!!! Of course not!! Who would?! It was downright unpleasant and draining to read about. Her behavior was destructive and tedious and painful to witness. Maybe I was just getting frustrated because I’m NOT a fan of over-drawn out angst. Like. . .we all know she’s gonna end up a scarred but healed, stronger person like Feyre and live Happily Ever After with Cassian. @thoughtsontomes puts it best in her ACOWAR review video when she says, All we’re hearing is “I don’t care! I don’t care! I don’t care about any of you!!!! I hate you all, F*** YOU!” when it’s like, “. . . .you don’t though. Like stop. No one really believes you. So just . . stop”. Everyone’s flipping out about the apparent slut-shaming, but that’s not how I saw it. What she’s doing isn’t healthy, in any sense of the word. I saw an objection more towards her motives than the number of men she was entertaining. Sleeping with that high number of strangers when you’re in such a bad place like that has the potential to cause even more lasting damage. So I’m not surprised most of them were like “Um wtf are you doing??”.

The fact that she’s spending through Feyre and Rhys’s money without doing a single thing to earn it was also gross. When she was like “I’ll come to your Solstice thing if you give me three months of rent” I was just like

And then Oh yeah HAHA I’m so dumping all these ridiculous bar charges onto Feyre cuz she won’t ever NOT pay it HAHAHAHA

Look. I get it. She’s suffering. She’s going through some MAJOR shit right now, rivaling (if not worse than) what Feyre went through after ACOTAR. She’s not going through it the same way Feyre did, not at all. Feyre’s manifested itself in hopelessness and despondence, which made it easy for our hearts to bleed for her. Nesta’s is all manifesting in seriously self-destructive behavior. She was unpleasant before she started going through this, she’s unbearable now. This is raw and realistic, but it’s not fun to read about. So I get what people are saying who are feeling annoyed by her story arc.

On the other hand, as I said, SHE IS SUFFERING. Like A LOT. So while I can find myself getting frustrated by having to watch her go through this, a part of me wonders how everyone in the Inner Circle can just dismiss the deep trauma she’s clearly going through. I COMPLETELY agree with everyone who is saying that the way Nesta is being treated by all of them is essentially the same way Tamlin was treating Feyre, which the fandom jumped all over. What did everyone say Tamlin did? Witnessed someone he supposedly cared about wither away into nothingness and didn’t do much of anything about it? Yep, check. At least with him I could say that he was dealing with his own form of PTSD at the time and the relationship fell apart because they couldn’t give each other what the other needed. With these guys it’s like. . .you completely villainize Tamlin for doing this to Feyre, but yet you turn right around and do it to someone else, because her trauma is expressed in a different and more hostile, destructive way than Feyre’s was. And what is Rhys’s justification for that? He can’t forgive Nesta for how she treated Feyre.

One of the main criticisms I see against Tamlin is that he smothered Feyre. He never gave her room to breathe, to be her own person and do her own thing. The only thing that mattered was preserving her and her precious delicate self. I’m just gonna call it like I see it, I’m seeing pretty close to the same thing with Rhys now.

He needs to Chill The Fuck Out. People are going to hurt Feyre. People are going to insult Feyre. People are going to do things that inconvenience, put-out, and piss off Feyre. He has to learn to find some chill with this.

The whole “Elain is Elain” justification for why he has no issues with her but does with Nesta is the most BULLSHIT thing I have EVER read. Um I’m sorry, what?????? Elain is Elain (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean--if I were Elain I’d actually feel pretty insulted by that. I did the same as Nesta but apparently I’m some ditzy simpleton who didn’t realize what she was doing and shouldn’t be held to the same standards as everyone else?) but Nesta has an Illyrian heart so she should have known better?!? Like I don’t even know where to begin. Elain did the exact same thing you are claiming you’re so upset with Nesta with: let Feyre go off and do the hunting on her own at a young age. Did Elain do a single thing to stop this? No. They literally did the exact same thing. So let’s be real here, Rhys. What you meant by this was: Elain is nice to Feyre and Nesta wasn’t/isn’t. That’s the issue you have here. It’s not that bullshit about Nesta having an Illyrian heart or whatever, it’s that she’s mean to your precious Feyre and you can’t tolerate that. Don’t believe me? He literally says it in the book:

“You can still barely talk to Nesta,” I said. “Yet Elain you can talk to nicely.”

“Elain is Elain.”

“If you blame one, you have to blame the other.”

“No, I don’t. Elain is Elain,” he repeated. “Nesta is. . .she’s Illyrian. I mean that as a compliment, but she’s an Illyrian at heart. So there is no excuse for her behavior.”

“She more than made up for it last summer, Rhys.”

“I cannot forgive anyone who made you suffer.”

Like if he’s really mad at her for being a bitch to Feyre, say you’re mad at her for being a bitch to Feyre!!!!!!! But again, it’s this whole “Should that be my Solstice gift to you? Forgiving Nesta for letting her fourteen year-old sister go into into those woods?” instead of “I really have issues with how ungrateful she acted towards you and how nasty she was in general”. Like, come on, Rhys. I also think Nesta was downright horrible and awful to Feyre in their human life, but like Feyre says, LET’S MOVE ON. She’s clearly let go of it after seeing Nesta working towards making up for it. You can not walk around snarling and hissing and threatening disembowelment to anyone who hurts Feyre’s feelings. You can’t forgive anyone who made her suffer? You’re in for a very long (immortally long) life of negativity and hostility then. Put your Big Boy Pants on and let Feyre handle the situation between her and her sister. If she’s cool with it, be cool with it. Think whatever you want to yourself, vent about it to other people, but quit being this way to Nesta in front of Feyre.

The whole sneak peek at the end was cringey between the two of them also. I can handle Rhys interrupting her and snarling at her to sit down. It wasn’t sweet and nice but let’s be real, she NEEDED someone to get in her face and make her listen at that point. No, for me it was the fact that it made Nesta so afraid to be near him and that kind of power, and when Rhys scented that fear, “one side of his mouth curled up in a cruel smile.”

Yo, if Tamlin had been the one in this scene instead of Rhys, he would be CRU. CI. FIED. I was EXTREMELY glad to see Feyre basically tell him to stfu and put him in his place. Like WTF Rhys. Is this deliberate on SJM’s part? Is this her attempt to “humanize” Rhys and give him flaws, since he basically didn’t have any before??? If so, I appreciate the effort, but maybe give him some that don’t make him like a controlling psychopath (because that title’s reserved for Tamlin and Tamlin only, amirite?! If this were Tamlin, it would be all about his need to control a situation.)

UGH, and Rhys and Feyre talking about Lucien coming for Solstice and him telling Feyre he could “stomach him”.

“I can let go of the taunts”. What taunts?????? Are you for real??? Hate to break it to you Rhys, but are you forgetting the fact that in ACOTAR you showed up to the manor and taunted Lucien about the female he loved being murdered in front of him????? YES, I KNOW HE WAS DOING THIS DELIBERATELY AND DIDN’T REALLY MEAN ANY OF IT AND WOULD NEVER SAY IT IN REAL LIFE. But Lucien had no way of knowing this until very very recently. Here’s the 497th thing that enrages me in this series: the Inner Circle getting shitty towards people for treating Rhys like a bad guy. Like. I’m sorry. I understand it’s frustrating and heartbreaking to see him be viewed and spoken about this way, but this was by his own doing. He literally WANTED people to think this about him. It was his way of protecting Velaris. You can not expect a complete 360 degree turn overnight. Did it happen this way with Feyre?!?!? NO!!!! You have to give people a chance to really get to see and know him before this can happen.

“And the fact that he still harbors some hope of one day reuniting with Tamlin.” Oh yeah, how DARE HE want to reconcile the destroyed friendship he has with the one person who was there for him when his family murdered the woman he loved and kicked him out of his home. How DARE he try and be sympathetic towards Tamlin and want to try and work things out and make them better for both of them. How DARE he want to be able to go back and live in the place that’s become his home. Stfu Rhys.

“But I cannot let go of how he treated you after Under the Mountain.”

“I can. I’ve forgiven him for that.”

“Well, you’ll forgive me if I can’t.” Icy rage darkened the stars in those violet eyes.

I’d like to take everybody back to ACOMAF and this passage that sent everyone screaming from the rooftops, ready with their pitchforks and knives to castrate someone:

“I don’t give a shit if she’s your mate. I don’t give a shit if you think you’re entitled to her. She is mine--and one day, I am going to repay every bit of pain she felt, every bit of suffering and despair. One day, perhaps when she decides she wants to end you, I’ll be happy to oblige her.”

Nothing further needs to be said about THAT.

I said I was going to make a point of the communication issues later on, so here it is: so many of the problems/underlying tension in this series would be solved if people actually communicated with each other like rational adults. I understand that a book with no conflict is boring and stupid, but I’ve just read so many series where the conflict is happening OUTSIDE of the characters, and we see how they have to deal with it. I mean like, it is really really bad in here. No one communicates issues with each other. Feyre doesn’t communicate with Tamlin. Tamlin doesn’t communicate with Feyre. Mor doesn’t communicate with Azriel. Azriel doesn’t communicate with Mor. Cassian doesn’t communicate with Nesta. Nesta doesn’t communicate with anyone. The only ones who seem to consistently have open honest communication with each other are Rhys and Feyre which honestly, at this point, why am I not surprised. Feyre and Tamlin suffer from an abominable lack of communication. Everyone shits all over him for not doing anything to help her after Under the Mountain. But sometimes you have to tell people what you want. I don’t necessarily feel like Feyre expected him to read her mind but at no point does she sit down with him and give it to him straight how it really is with her: I’m struggling and I’m struggling hard. With the way things are going, ______________ is going to happen. What I need from you right now is ____________. Either we can try and work on it together, or I’ll have to find something else that works for me. It’s pretty widely accepted that Tamlin developed some PTSD of his own after ACOTAR and his behavior in ACOMAF is stemming from it. Fine, whatever. But nowhere does he sit Feyre down and lay it all out for her: I’ve been dealing with violent horrible shit all my life. You are the first good thing to happen to me in years. Having to watch you go through that and being powerless to do anything broke me in ways I didn’t know I could be broken. I feel so guilty and awful that you went through that in the name of love for me that I feel like I owe it to you now to keep you as physically safe as possible. If I’m coming across too strong, we can work it out together. (I’m still holding out that this conversation will happen). Mor never tells Azriel she doesn’t love him romantically. I’m not even talking about her sexual preference to females. I’m just really confused why she couldn’t just be like, “You’re a really great guy, but I don’t see you that way. I’m not attracted to you, you’re like my brother”, just like you would any other guy you don’t want to date. Her preference for females doesn’t even need to be brought into it. Az never confronts Mor and is like “When are we going to stop playing this pining game, like it’s been 500 years. These are my feelings for you, do you reciprocate, or don’t you?” (I know Rhys claimed it’s because he feels unworthy of her, but how long were they going to let this go on for? It’s been 500 years). Cassian, I will admit, does finally begin to be one of the first to drop the bullshitting around and have an open and frank conversation with Nesta. It doesn’t go anywhere, but I’ll at least give him credit for trying. Nesta opens up to no one, not even Elain. I get that this is literally part of who she is as a character so I’ll give her that. Some people are literally just like that. But no one can deny that it would be healthy for her to get her feelings out at this point. I mean seriously, the list of issues is endless. Feyre doesn’t give Tamlin a real explanation behind why she left. She doesn’t tell him she’s happy with Rhys and he’s treating her well. They don’t tell anyone (at first) that Rhys’s whole thing with Amarantha was an act and he’s really an honorable noble person. Tamlin doesn’t tell Feyre the real reason he supposedly sided with Hybern and what he was planning to do. Instead, all these people let all these issues sit and stew and stew until they boil over into some big, ugly, dramatic thing. I’m hoping that in this next part of the series, we’ll see some resolvement with all this. These conversations that need to happen will happen. Because until then, it’s frustrating.

The only other thing I wanted to touch on was the baby thing. I’m not really surprised at all about it. Honestly, since the moment I heard Sarah was pregnant, I figured it was only a matter of time before we saw something pregnancy related pop up in one of the series. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am a HUGE HUGE sucker for domestic things like this. I want to see the whole married with babies epilogue with a big pretty bow on top. Normally any time something baby related is brought up, I’m like UH YES PLZ anytime now would be fine (as long as the characters are in a strong committed relationship with no serious factors affecting it). But when Feyre said she wanted to wait, I totally understood. They are immortal, they have YEARS for this to happen. I liked them falling into their new role as High Lord and Lady, taking their time to slowly but surely recover the best they could from their ordeal, and enjoy each other for a while (because in the grand scheme of things as far as fae go, they’ve barely been together for any time at all). To hear it so soon WAS unexpected, but like I said, also totally not at the same time. I really really thought the reason they were calling Nesta to the New Feysand Palace in the sneak peek chapter was to tell her Feyre was pregnant (you know it’ll happen in the new series). Let’s all pray hard for their future kid though, because while every other child always has the awful possibility of losing a parent and being raised by one, theirs would automatically be an orphan. Their “when one of us dies, the other will” pact/bond was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.

I swear to God, every time Rhys called her “mate” when he was speaking to her, I read him totally speaking in an Australian accent. It really made me LOL.

You know what DIDN’T?!

“Watch how I fuck you, Feyre.”

One last thing really quickly. . .what is up with this world building? Reading ACOTAR, I got a very clear sense of a high fantasy/medieval-y world. Then ACOMAF opens with Feyre puking into a toilet. I was like Huh?! Toilets? Ooookkay. Then throughout ACOMAF, Feyre is mentioned many times wearing things like leggings, sweaters, and boots. There is a leather sofa in the Chapter 55 Mountain Cabin. Like what else is in there?? A plasma flat screen??

I feel like I just did nothing but spew negativity for the past million years and I DON’T LIKE IT. I’ll say it again: I take no pleasure in feeling any of these things. I am not about hating on an author or series just because it’s become popular. Like I said, CRACK. I definitely feel all these things pretty strongly, but at the same time, I am very much in love with the series. I’m attached to the characters, I’m sucked into the story. I want everyone to be happy. I know you may not believe it, but there ARE things I enjoyed about this novella. A few of them are:

The background information we got about Cassian’s mother and how she is the main motivator in pretty much everything he does. Break my heart :(

The description of the Winter Solstice in the Winter Court. Seriously, it sounded so glorious I had to pause reading for a second and dwell on how badly I wanted to be there for it.

Amren having issues with peeing :D

Amren in general and the bluntness with which she calls people on their shit (“Don’t take her to the wine--take her to the food. I can see her bony ass even through that dress.”)

Feyre helping the children of the Night Court heal their trauma through art.

I think that’s basically it. I’m sorry most of this sounded so negative, but it was all pretty much word vomit. I had so many feelings built up that I just had to get them all out and I feel a lot better now. Do we have a release date for the next one? Like I said: BOOK. CRACK.

#acofas #acofas spoilers #a court of frost and starlight #a court of frost and starlight spoilers #sarah j maas #sjm #feyre archeron #rhysand #tamlin #nesta archeron #cassian #feysand #nessian #lucien vanserra #elain archeron #azriel #elucien

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whatliesabove-blog1 · 6 years

Text

small, quiet room

A/N: I’ve always been a fan of the Jonathan Is Hopper’s Son conspiracy, and thought I’d contribute! I estimate this being around 15 chapters total, give or take, and it can also be found on ao3 here :)

Chapter one

Hawkins, seventeen years ago

Pacing back and forth in her bathroom, Joyce Horowitz fidgets, hands wringing uneasily in front of her. This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous and she can't believe she's here right now, her entire future resting on a piece of plastic. She hasn't so much as looked at it since she put it on the counter. The time isn't up yet but she's been steadfastly keeping her gaze anywhere else, as if it'll just go away if she ignores it hard enough.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

She pauses for a moment, chews anxiously at a nail that's already been bitten to a nub. Her stomach is in knots, her heart in her throat, and she swears she can feel the blood rushing in her ears.

This really wasn't supposed to happen.

It hadn't been planned, obviously, but she supposes that's how it's always been between the two of them. Their friendship wasn't planned, instead forged through witty banter and disagreeable grunts over shared cigarettes. It developed over the course of a few months and a few months turned into a few years. It's unconventional at best. They run—or ran, technically, because graduation is over and done with—in different circles, their paths only really crossing under the bleachers between fifth and sixth period and at the occasional party or football game.

In spite of herself, she chuckles at the memory of the first time they'd run into each other under those bleachers. She was ditching Chemistry, content to just sit under there until the teachers stopped wondering where she was so she could make a run for it. She'd heard a rush of rustling footsteps and panicked, thought a teacher caught on to her hide out. Instead, he appeared, all out of breath and eyes wide as he caught sight of her.

"What are you doing under here, Horowitz?" he'd asked, stepping into the space without a second thought.

"What I assume you're doing under here."

"Unless you're under here to sneak a smoke, you're wrong," he'd said, digging a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and placing it between his teeth. Lighting it up, he'd taken a long drag.

Joyce had barely let him enjoy it before she'd plucked it from his fingers, nearly snatching it clean from his mouth, and shoved it between her lips. She'd inhaled deeply, coughed—unfiltered, of course—and taken one last puff. Her face had broken into a smirk at the shocked look on his face, the wide eyes, and she simply passed it back.

"Thanks."

Placing it back between his teeth, he'd tilted his head at her. "Might've been wrong about you, Horowitz."

"Maybe so."

And graduation. Graduation is the reason she's even in this predicament.

Okay, maybe not graduation per se, but the graduation party Karen had thrown—that is absolutely responsible. She was supposed to spend an hour there max, spend some time hanging out to placate her friend’s pleading, but suffice to say she had stayed longer.

Hopper showed up, much to her initial surprise, and made a quip about how they have to stop running into each other like this. Save for the bleachers, the last three times they've seen each other were at separate end of the year parties.

"Save me from the piranhas?" he'd asked, gesturing vaguely to the table with the drinks. "Pick your poison."

Joyce had rolled her eyes. "You're such a big shot," she'd teased. Truthfully there were a number of girls eyeing him, but making fun of him and his inflated ego was all a part of their relationship.

After they had their drinks they tried, to no avail, to find somewhere semi-quiet to hang out. Everywhere they turned there were drunk students stumbling all over the place, others running haphazardly throughout Karen's house.

"Car?"

She'd followed him to his dad's car and filed into the passenger seat. They'd talked, had one or two more drinks (after Hop had graciously gone inside and gotten them both refills so she could avoid their drunk classmates), and the conversation turned to their post-graduation plans. He told her a few of his long-term plans a while ago, but some things have changed, some timelines had to be rearranged.

"I don't know yet," she'd told him. There were thoughts, but no plans.

They were quiet after, because they both knew he was going off to Vietnam.

She'd brazenly put a hand on his thigh. "You'll be okay, Hop."

"Yeah," he'd nodded, somewhat unconvincingly. "Yeah."

It's all a blur now, but somehow one lingering glance had turned into a kiss—she couldn't tell you who leaned in first, but she'd place her money on Hopper—and a kiss had turned into tearing each other's clothes off in the backseat.

The quiet ding breaks her from her thoughts and just like that the amusement is gone, replaced once more with a bundle of nerves. She taps her fingers against her thigh, closes her eyes, and forces herself to take a breath.

Get yourself together, Joyce, she tells herself. It's probably negative.

The late period and constant throwing up tells her that's wishful thinking, but she's also been stressed with the prospect of getting a job after graduation. Stress takes a toll on the body and could very easily mimic the same symptoms.

Yeah, stress.

With every ounce of courage she can muster she steels herself, forcibly drags her feet across the tile floor and stands in front of the sink. Still she stares straight ahead, at her own reflection instead of the tiny plastic stick sitting atop a paper towel.

"On the count of three," she whispers to herself with a reassuring nod. "One."

She takes a breath.

"Two."

Her eyes close, knuckles going white where they grip onto the edge of the counter top.

"Three."

Biting back the anxiety curling around her ribs, her head dips, eyes trailing to the offending object. With shaky hands she picks it up, stares at the results.

"Shit."

Joyce's fingers thrum nervously in front of her, knees bouncing beneath the tabletop. It's been about a week since she took the test and her entire body is still on edge, the initial shock giving way to something like panic.

"What was so urgent?" Karen says as soon as she slides into the booth, looking expectantly at her friend.

The burger joint is practically empty, but that's not exactly surprising for 11am on a Sunday. It's precisely why she's chosen to meet here in the first place; very few people to hear what she has to say. And good burgers.

When she doesn't say anything, Karen snaps her fingers. "Joyce," she says, and the girl in question blinks, stares at her. "What are we doing here?"

"I'm hungry."

She's already ordered and she gives a small smile to the waitress who brings her food over. Joyce already knew Karen wouldn't want anything from here this early, and so she'd just gotten herself a burger and fries.

"It's not even noon," Karen says, eyeing her suspiciously.

Joyce shrugs. "You're allowed to be hungry before noon, Karen."

"Yes,” she say slowly, “but you never choose burgers and fries for your breakfast."

"Lunch."

"Whatever." She waves a dismissive hand, then points a finger. "Something's up."

Joyce chews slowly, keeps her eyes downcast, purposely looking anywhere but at her friend. She brought her here to tell her, knows she has to tell her—has to tell someone, because it's driving her nearly insane—but she can't seem to spit it out.

Placing her burger back onto the plate, she brings a napkin up to her mouth, deliberately making all of her moves painfully slow.

"You're stalling," Karen says. One look at Joyce's face tells her something really is up, and this isn't just some breakfast-lunch outing between friends. "Come on, Joyce, whatever it is it can't be that bad."

Joyce huffs, lips curling into a sardonic smile. Taking a long, deep breath, she faces her friend, finally makes eye contact.

"I'm pregnant."

Karen's eyes nearly bulge out of her head, mouth hanging open. "Shit, maybe it is that bad," she gapes, back-peddling at the look on Joyce's face. "I'm sorry, I'm just—I'm surprised. Joyce Horowitz, I never..."

"Yeah, me either," she grumbles, shoving a french fry into her mouth.

"Who? Lonnie?"

She grimaces. "Hopper..."

"Jim Hopper," Karen says slowly, waits for her nod of confirmation. As if there are any other Hoppers they know. "When?"

"Your graduation party, so really, I have you to thank for this."

Her friend holds her hands up. "Hey now, I told you to have a little fun, not to go shack up with Jim Hopper in, what, the backseat of his car?"

"Stop saying his name like that," Joyce mutters, but doesn't deny that it was in the backseat of his car. Technically it was the backseat of his dad's car, but she feels the distinction would be pointless right now.

"Like what?"

"Like he's the worst possible guy I could've slept with."

"You're right," Karen amends. "That would be Lonnie and you've already slept with him."

Joyce groans, drops her head into her open palms.

"What are you going to do about him, by the way? 'Hey, I know we're back together and everything but I'm having another guy's baby'?"

"No," she says, leaning back in her seat. "I'm gonna... I'm gonna tell him it's his."

Karen blinks. "I'm sorry, what?"

"We got back together a few days after graduation, after he apologized for being an ass." She ignores Karen's eye roll; she knows how she feels about her boyfriend. "We went back to his place and we... he was drunk and fell asleep before anything happened, but enough happened that I know I can convince him we slept together."

"I don't know if I'm hearing you correctly. I mean, Joyce... what about Jim?"

Her chest tightens at the mention of his name. "What about him?"

"You're not going to tell him?"

Joyce purses her lips, plucking another fry from her plate as her knees continue to bounce. "He's in Vietnam, Karen. He's gone," she says. With each word that comes out of her mouth she's justifying this, trying to reassure herself that this is the right choice. "Besides, he might—he might not come back."

"Joyce."

"He might not," she repeats, even if it nearly takes the breath from her throat. She and Hopper may have an unconventional friendship but it was a friendship nonetheless and she wants him to return in one piece. "And even if he does, he'll be some big shot cop in a city. He told me a while ago, before Vietnam, that that was what he hoped would happen. What am I supposed to do, show up at his house with a baby as a welcome home present?"

"When his going away gift was a nice fuck, I mean..."

"Karen."

The girl sighs, nods at her. "I just want to make sure you've thought this through, that's all," she says, and Joyce relaxes, offers her a smile.

"I have," she says, and it's only a half-lie.

"Okay then." Karen lets it drop, and then she sees her lips curl into a smile. "So, how was he?"

Joyce laughs with a shake of her head. "Karen," she squeaks, looking around to make sure none of the other patrons can hear their conversation. Thankfully, they're all too far away and engrossed in their own meals. Karen gives her an imploring look and she rolls her eyes. "Good, okay?"

She feels lighter having told someone. Of course, she hasn't told her parents, or Lonnie, or anyone other than Karen, but having even one person know seems to take a little of the burden from her shoulders.

Her thoughts go back to Jim Hopper, who's currently serving overseas while she sits in a diner, carrying the child he'll never know about. Her hands unconsciously slide to her stomach, fingers splayed over the still-flat skin.

Taking one final steeling breath, she tells herself this is for the best.

#jopper #joyce x hopper #joyce byers #jim hopper #hope you guys enjoy!#(i've seen so many different iterations of timelines so yes it is purposely vague bc i know the years don't really align with Canon)

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talabib · 6 years

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Admit Your Mistakes And Learn From Them.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve made a mistake you need to tell others about? If so, the moment you realized, you have to fess up to your mistake, you probably felt your chest tighten up and a lump rise in your throat. This is natural, as nobody likes admitting mistakes. But if you did admit your mistake, you probably felt liberated and could find ways to learn from it.

Let’s explore the human tendency to avoid admitting our mistakes by finding self-justifications for them. You’ll discover why your brain is willing to jump through any number of hoops, even fabricating memories to protect you from having to admit a mistake.

You’ll also find out how refraining from admitting your mistakes can lead to broken marriages, misdiagnosed illnesses and even wrongful criminal convictions. Finally, you’ll learn why admitting your mistakes can be a good thing, and how it can even get you promoted.

Instead of admitting our mistakes, we tend to justify them.

Everyone has done things they shouldn’t have. For example, have you ever munched down an entire family-sized pack of potato chips in one go? Chances are pretty good you have. But, if you’re like most people, you probably told yourself that, actually, it was okay because you had a hard week and fully deserved that little indulgence.

Most people do the same: they seek justifications for actions they know were wrong. That’s because they want to reduce the feeling of cognitive dissonance, or the unpleasant feeling of having two conflicting ideas in our heads.

In this case, if you consider yourself someone who adheres to a healthy diet, your overindulgence creates cognitive dissonance. To resolve the dissonance, you come up with a so-called self-justification (e.g., the rough work week) for your actions.

Another example of cognitive dissonance would be someone who bemoans the dangers of smoking while continuing to smoke themselves. To resolve the cognitive dissonance of the conflicting views and behavior, this person will probably come up with a self-justification like, “I really don’t smoke that much so the health effects are negligible.”

Unfortunately, these kinds of self-justifications can make us cling to our beliefs even more vehemently – not change our behavior. For example, after making a mistake, we may find a self-justification for it rather than dealing with it head on and trying to understand why it happened.

One example can be seen in the invasion of Iraq. Even though the weapons of mass destruction that served as the justification of war were ultimately not found in Iraq, and the invasion of the country resulted in an increase of Islamic radicalism that the war was meant to diminish, U.S. president George W. Bush was still convinced that he had made the right decision to go to war. Undoubtedly, this was a way of resolving his cognitive dissonance.

We justify our mistakes by looking at situations in a biased, narrow-minded manner.

As we’ve seen, everyone can come up with justifications for their mistakes to avoid cognitive dissonance. So how do we do convince ourselves our justification is right?

Through so-called confirmation bias, or when we see the evidence of the matter in a way that supports our original view. This can make a lack of evidence, or even contradictory evidence, look like evidence that supports our case.

For example, in the U.S. in the 1980s, many people were driven to a moral panic because they were convinced that satanic cults were infiltrating society’s highest levels and abducting children for satanic rituals.

The FBI duly investigated these claims and found no evidence to back them up. But instead of accepting this, confirmation bias led the accusers to assert that this showed precisely how adept the culprits were at hiding their crimes.

Self-justifications and confirmation bias can actually even change our view on morality through a step-by-step process, known as the pyramid of choice. To better understand this, imagine two people with similar morals both have the opportunity to cheat on their spouses.

According to the pyramid of choice, as they try to decide what to do, they are standing on top of a pyramid. From there, they have a bird’s-eye view of the consequences of their choices: what will happen if they cheat or if they remain faithful.

Now, imagine one of the two decides to cheat while the other stays faithful. This means they both begin to scale down the pyramid, though along very different paths. As they descend, they lose their overview of their choices, and only see the narrow path they’ve chosen.

The tendencies of self-justification and confirmation bias mean that the person who committed adultery will be ever surer that it was the right choice, while the other will become surer of the opposite. As they travel down, their paths diverge further, until they finish at opposite corners of the pyramid with totally different views of morality.

Self-justification of mistakes hinders scientific advancements, especially in the field of medicine.

Have you ever been to the doctor’s office to get a diagnosis for something that’s been bothering you and then, at the last minute, just as you’re leaving the office, the doctor exclaims, “No, wait! I made a mistake – that’s the wrong diagnosis!”

It probably hasn’t happen to you because you have had good doctors or maybe even the best doctors are reluctant to admit their mistakes. This is problematic because mistakes are a key part of advancement in any area of scientific research.

For example, in the nineteenth century, physician Ignaz Semmelweis found that many of his female patients were dying after childbirth. After analyzing the situation, he hypothesized that it was due to a mistake in the delivery procedure, more specifically, that his fellow colleagues weren’t washing their hands before the delivery, resulting in infections. By enforcing stricter cleanliness requirements, he was able to save many lives.

Sadly, however, medical mistakes like this one are not always recognized, and can sometimes even be deliberately hidden. To avoid seeming incompetent, insecure, or being sued for malpractice, medical professionals don’t readily admit to having made mistakes.

But once any scientific field blinds itself to its mistakes, that field becomes a closed-loop that blocks any future developments, in this case medical improvements.

For example, one oft-made and thoroughly ingrained mistake in the field of medicine is known as clinical intuition, when doctors assume their first judgment is correct and make the official diagnosis without exploring other alternative diagnoses, in the same vein as, “I know it when I see it.”

Due to confirmation bias, once the doctor comes to her diagnosis, she forces all the evidence she later sees to fit this view.

The criminal justice system also makes mistakes due to the self-justification of its actions.

Would you be worried if you were arrested for a crime you didn’t commit? Probably. But your worries might be tempered by the fact that you, like most people, trust that the criminal justice system seeks the truth and works in a legally and morally justifiable way.

Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, as sometimes people’s tendency towards self-justification can lead the justice system to bury the truth just to have the appearance of running smoothly and being error-free.

This can be seen in the prevalence of wrongful convictions: one study showed that 15 to 25 percent of exonerated prisoners had confessed to crimes they hadn’t committed. Police officers are taught to believe innocent people never confess, but that’s obviously not true. Yet, rather than changing the methods they use to interrogate suspects, they argue that such mistakes are merely a small exception to the rule.

The criminal justice system is so ingrained in its patterns that it’s hard for officers and lawyers to revise their error-prone methods of investigating crimes. And without reform, some mistakes by the police can even become endemic.

One 1989 study found that, in Suffolk County, New York, police officers routinely brutalized suspects, illegally tapped phones and faked evidence to obtain wrongful convictions.

This kind of “ends justify the means” mentality can also be seen by the emergence of the new word “testilying,” referring to the wide-ranging falsification of evidence by police officers in the early 1990s.

To clear away the mistakes that arose from self-justification, a dramatic reform of the criminal justice system is needed.

For example, new technologies like DNA testing have overturned some wrongful convictions, which has lead to reforms such as recording police interrogations on video and teaching police officers, lawyers, and judges about the dangers of confirmation bias.

Self-justifications and blame can damage or even ruin relationships.

Our desire to avoid cognitive dissonance by finding self-justifications for our mistakes can undermine our relationships.

That’s because one common way of avoiding cognitive dissonance is by shifting blame for mistakes onto our partners. Naturally, this engenders conflicts between us and our partners, and conflicts have in turn been shown to increase the likelihood of a break-up. This was evidenced by a study of couples that indicated that once the ratio of time in a relationship spent on good terms versus arguing goes below five to one, the relationship was unlikely to last.

And although not all relationships were meant to last anyway, coming up with self-justifications for why the other person is to blame can even ruin relationships where reconciliation would have been possible.

When couples don’t confront their problems honestly, they descend into the so-called “blame game,” where they refuse to accept their own mistakes by pointing out the perceived flaws and mistakes of their partners.

A study of more than 700 couples spanning many years found that self-justification leads to name-calling, refusal to compromise and, eventually, mutual hatred.

So how is it possible to get out of such a downward spiral? The answer is simple: we shouldn’t judge our partners personally for the mistakes they’ve made; the person and the mistake are not the same thing. In successful relationships, couples recognize that there’s a difference between the mistakes made and the person who made the mistakes.

When you’re criticized personally rather than for your actions, it generates a stronger sense of embarrassment and isolation. That’s why we we should give our partners the same lenient treatment that we often give ourselves: praising them for doing something good and blaming situational factors when they’ve made mistakes.

Even governments resort to self-justification, and this can lead to escalating conflicts.

It turns out that, just like individuals, governments are also reluctant to admit their mistakes. Instead, they seek self-justifications for their actions. This is especially true in a crisis situation.

In a crisis, e.g., when under the threat of war, governments often create self-justifications for their erroneous actions by blaming their enemies for having “started it.”

For example, when U.S. diplomats were held hostage in Tehran during the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, both the United States and Iran tried to justify their actions as being mere responses to the other side having started the conflict.

And, just as with relationships, when governments blame each other, it only mires all parties deeper in the problem. This is because blaming the other party for inflicting the first wrong can serve as a justification for unnecessarily escalating the conflict.

This could be seen on an individual level in an experiment where people were told to exert pressure on each other’s index fingers, with the pressure levels being monitored. Each party was asked to return the pressure applied by the other person, but it turned out that the levels of pressure applied kept increasing. Both sides justified the increases by saying the other side was responsible for the increase.

The same phenomenon can be seen in the Israeli–Palestinian conflict: both sides justify their escalating acts of violence by claiming that the other side is the aggressor and that they’re only protecting themselves in response. Instead of accepting their own past mistakes, both sides focus on faulting the other.

Fortunately, however, once parties start accepting their mistakes, the tendency spreads and can eventually resolve the conflict.

For example, after the unjust system of Apartheid ended in South Africa, a commission was set up where both perpetrators and victims could openly discuss the violence of Apartheid and their own involvement in it without the perpetrators having to worry about vengeance. This allowed the perpetrators to move past their denial and other self-justifications so they could admit their mistakes. This helped both parties move towards reconciliation.

Only by admitting our mistakes can we grow professionally and personally.

Most people have difficulties admitting when they’ve made a mistake – it’s only natural. But, as we’ve seen, this tendency can be destructive, so here are a few tips on how to start admitting mistakes.

First of all, understand that admitting mistakes is not a sign of stupidity or weakness, but a great way to learn from them and resolve cognitive dissonance.

This was seen in one study comparing the educational techniques used in the United States, China and Japan. The study aimed to understand why Asian students performed better in mathematics than their non-Asian peers, and it found that U.S. students were embarrassed about making mistakes so they felt reluctant about working on difficult math problems in front of their peers. Their Asian peers, on the other hand, tended to learn precisely by making mistakes first, and then working to overcome those mistakes, even in front of the class.

Second, open yourself up to criticism from others and to the evidence that may show you’ve made a mistake.

This is beneficial because people respect, and are more likely to reward, those who own up to their mistakes. For example, when the space shuttle Columbia exploded on re-entry, the NASA launch integration manager Wayne Hale took full responsibility for it. Instead of being fired, he was promoted for his honesty.

Similarly, anecdotal evidence suggests that if doctors make a mistake, they’re better off admitting it, as it makes the patients’ relatives less likely to sue for medical malpractice.

Another example is provided by President John. F. Kennedy, who apologized to the nation for the Bay of Pigs disaster, a botched invasion of Cuba, and saw his popularity soar after the apology. It’s worth noting that he was the last U.S. president to apologize for making a mistake.

Not admitting your mistakes and instead finding convoluted self-justifications for them can severely damage not only your personal and professional life, but society as a whole.b

#Admit your mistakes and learn from them.

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