#So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy

[lornasaurusrex]

I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

[meowzfordayz]

NSFW Alphabet — Kamado Tanjirou

Author’s Note: why eat lunch when there’s a diff kind of meal to be written? 😝 Aka writer needs food *mrrrow*. As w/ all headcanons, these are simply my opinions in this exact moment of writing, and are subject to change depending on the context/my mood! 😉

NSFW Alphabet — Kamado Tanjirou

Kamado Tanjirou x Reader

Word Count: ~2,200

CW: 18+NSFW, alcohol, cream!pie, explicit language, Fem!Reader, mast!rbation, oral

MILESTONE 20.0

~faqs~

Aftercare? what they’re like after sex

After sex, Tanjirou gently wipes you down, makes sure you pee and then drink at least three sips of water, and offers to grab/make you a snack as well. Sometimes, he’ll fall asleep before he actually gets around to grabbing/making you that snack, but it’s the thought that counts. 😅

Body Part? their favorite body part(s)

Tanjirou adores your hands. Whether they’re slipping playfully under the hem of his shirt, cupping his jaw, or gripping his biceps as he thrusts into your heat, your head tilted backward, eyelashes fluttering as you struggle to maintain eye contact—Eyes on me sweetheart, can you look at me? Want you to watch me—he swears his heart skips a beat (and his cock twitches) whenever you touch him.

Tanjirou’s back might be the best mattress in the world. Muscular and warm, few things beat sprawling atop him, appreciating the curve of his ass against your pelvis; or curling up beside him, running your fingertips along his spine until he exhales slowly, pressing a needy kiss to your shoulder, voice rough as he murmurs shyly If you keep doing that, then we’re going to have a problem. “That only I can fix?” you wink, giggling as his blush deepens. That only you can fix. Ball’s in your court; feel free to keep going. 😌

Cum?

If it wasn’t such a hassle to clean up, then Tanjirou would 11/10 cum on your tits every time. Something about your post haze flush paired with the lewd trickling of his cum down the curve of your tits… mesmerized, he absolutely grazes light fingertips across your chest, goosebumps raising as he circles your erect nipples, cum smeared viscous and warm into your skin. “So beautiful,” he whispers, lifting his hand to watch his cum drip from his fingertips to your stomach, “Perfect.”

Dirty Secret? shh

Tanjirou isn’t really into the thought of inviting someone else into your sex lives, but he is into the imagery of you covered in cum. Of course, multiple rounds could theoretically accomplish that, but his fantasy doesn’t exactly involve you covered in half dry, already flaking cum 🥴; he’d just love to see cum painted shiny and filthy across your face and tits, oozing thick and hot out of your pussy — all at once.

Experience? their level of experience

Not experienced in the slightest, but extremely quick to learn. An intuitive lover. On that note, hasn’t taken many lovers (you might’ve, in fact, been his first and only), so if you’re more experienced, then expect to lead the way. Don’t worry though: Tanjirou’s enthusiastic and determined, and if you offer him your intimacy and trust, then he’ll try his hardest to live up to your desires! Initially, he’s definitely insecure about his ~late introduction to sex (presuming you meet in your 20s/30s, and he’s still a virgin), but not so much for his own sake — he’s just worried about his self perceived inability to pleasure you.

Favorite Position?

As long as Tanjirou can see your face, he’s happy. What’s the point in having sex if he can’t bask in all of you, facial expressions very much included? ☹️

Goofy? their sense of humor

Never intentionally goofy, but the kind of tender awkward/occasionally clueless that makes you burst into laughter nonetheless. Will occasionally reprimand his cock when it ~misbehaves, “No, no, no, that isn’t the hole you want,” he grumbles, tip catching on your ass, “Cooperate, damn it, before [y/n] takes you from me.” And as much as you want to nudge his hand out of the way—because you really are better at guiding his length into you than he is, and you really would like to be orgasming sooner rather than later—you refrain from doing so, if only to hear a lil more of him scolding his penis. 🤭

Hair? pubes maintenance

Doesn’t have a regular grooming schedule, but you best believe if Tanjirou notices you removing a hair from your tongue mid giving him head, then the next time you tug off his underwear, his pubes will have ~magically disappeared.

Intimacy? their degree of intimacy

Sooo intimate. 🥺 If worship (of all varieties) is your thing, then Tanjirou is 100% your man. His intimacy is less so of the intense/overwhelming variety, and more so a sweet, soul deep sensation that the man you’re having sex with (Tanjirou) would do anything and everything within and beyond his power to ensure you orgasm to the highest possible plane. Of course, intimacy isn’t solely sexual, and his check ins before/during/after sex—“Is this okay?” “Are you having fun?” “You’re amazing.” “Feeling alright?”—are additional reminders that he values not only your physical pleasure, but your emotional and mental wellbeing.

Jack Off? masturbation

Unlike his (initial) inexperience regarding sex with a partner, Tanjirou’s relatively well acquainted with himself. Before you, he approached masturbation as more of a chore/basic bodily function (similar to feeling hungry and eating or feeling tired and sleeping). And now? Let’s just say he didn’t realize masturbating could feel so incredible (or disappointing/torturous 😭 because it simply doesn’t compare to you). 

Kink? ~specific turn ons

In case you missed it 😂, Tanjirou’s into cum. And as much as he enjoys giving praise, he appreciates receiving it too! Mind you, he prefers receiving praise in the form of babbling-because-he’s-fucking-you-so-deliciously; if he isn’t working for it (re: fucking it out of your pliant, greedy body), then he doesn’t want it. 😤😎 Lmao who am I kidding? He’ll take it all. 🤗 Also, while he’s not a BDSM-definition-dom, he can’t deny the feral protectiveness that arises when you kneel in front of him, hands clinging pretty and expectant to his thighs… and by feral protectiveness, I’m talking immediate urge to fuck your throat hoarse.

Location? where they prefer to have sex

Tanjirou’s a bed guy. Doesn’t have to be your shared bed in your shared abode; any house will do. 😃 Albeit, he’s a duality of respecting others aka not having sex in Zenitsu’s guest room… and being hopelessly hopeless for you aka easily seduced into having sex in Zenitsu’s guest room. 🤠 And don’t worry, you’re not actually coercing him; if he didn’t want to, then he wouldn’t.

Motivation? ~general turn ons

Along with cum and praise, Tanjirou drools (metaphorically, and sometimes literally) over muscular thighs, hard work, EYE CONTACT, and freshly washed hair. He jumps on opportunities to make you orgasm after you’ve had a long day of chores/errands/work — especially if you flick your hair in his direction after washing off the day’s sweat and grime (a second shower may be in order).

No? turn offs

Tanjirou leans vanilla, but he’s willing to try the ~light version of many things. Light hair pulling or choking while fucking you in missionary? He’ll try it. Light spanking and degradation? He’ll try it. Light sensory play (i.e. blindfolding, ice cubes, etc)? He’ll try it. Light bondage (i.e. tying your wrists together)? He’ll try! He draws the line at anything heavy though — he just can’t bring himself to really hurt or insult you.

Oral? giver or receiver

Initially, Tanjirou prefers to receive oral sex. He isn’t confident in his ability to give (yet), so as long as you assure him giving is enjoyable for you too, he’ll definitely feel safer receiving. However, with enough time, practice, and encouragement, he’ll eventually prefer to give. Sure, feeling your throat tight and hot around his cock is otherworldly, but getting to create that feeling for you? Tread cautiously though when threatening to suffocate him with your thighs — if you aren’t careful, then he’ll pass on from satisfaction first.

Pace?

No amount of familiarity can prepare Tanjirou for the hot suction of your pussy, soft gasp from his mouth lingering as he sinks into your heat. He always starts slow and precise, determined to bring you to climax—at least once—before spiraling into a fast and erratic pace. The slower he goes, the longer he lasts (and vice versa), so you’ve got the ultimate power begging him to, “Harder, Tan, wanna feel you cum, wanna feel you cum in my pussy,” or, “Easy babe, don’t want you to cum too soon, mmm, let me make a mess on your cock first, okay?”

Quickie? a fan or not-a-fan

Intimacy and quickies don’t necessarily go together, so Tanjirou isn’t the biggest fan, but if it’s quickie-or-nothing, then he’s more likely to opt for something.

Risk? their risk tolerance

When it comes to sex, Tanjirou’s risk tolerance is pretty low. He’s loathe to put you in harm’s way, so you’d have to have serious, detailed conversations (what you want to try, why you want to try it, etc) for him to even consider ~risky behavior.

Stamina?

Assuming he successfully staves off the initial—and immediate—urge to cum, Tanjirou can go for a couple of hours. Of course, those couple of hours involve more than penetration. Flicking his tongue against your clit until you’re whimpering and pushing at his head S-sensitive, Tan, Tan, f-fuck; guiding his cock down your throat as your eyes prick with tears, thrusting careful and shallow, murmuring for you to Keep your eyes open, you’re doing so well, so gorgeous; simply playing with your folds, marveling at how your slick squelches and smells, slipping a finger in every so often to ensure you’re still wet and supple — there’s plenty for him to worship.

Toys?

Toys make Tanjirou feel disconnected from you; it’s less of an ego thing, and more tactile. Why hold a vibrator to your clit when he could taste you with his tongue? Rub you with his thumb? Grind his pubic bone against you? Sure he can watch the reactions that toys elicit from you, but they don’t feel as organic—as home grown—as reactions earned with his own body. That being said, he’s more than happy to oblige if you ask to include a toy; just don’t expect him to bring them up.

Unfair? how they feel about teasing/being teased

Tanjirou has a love/hate relationship with teasing. He loves the intimacy and anticipation it creates, but simultaneously hates how it distracts from getting to undress you. If you’re already undressed? Hah, that’s even worse! 😵‍💫 And once his cock’s in your hand? Don’t even bother pretending to miss, leaking tip nudging against your inner thigh instead of slipping tight and full into your pussy — he will growl, calloused fingers gripping your ass, hips snapping firm and desperate until his cock’s shoved snug and thick in your hole.

Volume?

Tanjirou sounds so pretty. Breathy, choked groans when you deepthroat him; his signature gasp accompanying his first thrust into your velvety pussy; soft, guttural moans increasing in frequency and pitch as he nears his orgasm; a silent exclamation—of what’s likely your name (it is)—pressed hot and euphoric into your skin as he cums. Definitely feels embarrassed afterwards, “Sorry I was so noisy 🫠,” but consistent assurance will guarantee he continues vocalizing his pleasure (and eventually, he won’t feel embarrassed about it).

Wild Card?

Tanjirou likes tipsy sex. He doesn’t need alcohol to enjoy sex, and emphasis on tipsy not drunk (aka established relationship, comfortability, and consent), but it lowers the risk of him cumming too quickly, and his senses feel so heightened yet sluggish. An oddly addictive feeling: like watching something in slow motion—details focused and drawn out—while still experiencing it in real time.

X-ray?

Tanjirou’s cock isn’t ~aesthetic per se, but it certainly feels wonderful. A tad under 6”, angled slightly downward, and thick enough to tire your jaw quite quickly when giving him head. Its tip is fat and squishy, satisfying to rest on your tongue, eyes wide with false innocence as you stare at his reddened cheeks. Thin, barely noticeable veins wrap gradually up his shaft, and he will shudder if you cup his balls — they’re very sensitive (the left hangs lower than the right).

Yearning? sex drive

In a stable environment, Tanjirou’s a minimum one/maximum three times a week man, but he’s also more than capable of surviving No Nut November… or having sex daily for nearly a month straight, if you so request. Similar to light switch, and a testament of his self control, he’s able and happy to adapt his sex drive to suit your sex drive (within reason 😆).

Zzz?

Drowsiness hits Tanjirou pretty hard after sex (think adorably sleepy, post sex grabby hands), but he won’t fall asleep until you’re both cleaned up, and preferably rehydrated + snacked as well. If the sheets need changing, then he’ll carry you to and from the couch (to lounge while he changes them); orrr he’ll lay down a towel, and promptly pass out (the latter’s more likely since “sheets need changing” generally means “he’s all sexed out” 😏). He definitely turns into a furnace following such physical exertion 🥵, aka optimal for winter time cuddling 🥰, and avoid-unless-you-like-becoming-one-with-a-puddle during summer time 😬.

[kkoumiii]

Can you do a Jay tarot reading? 🥰🥰

Hey anon, thank you for your patience 😊

/!\ Friendly reminder that my readings are not to take at face value, I do not mean any harm to this idol, it’s only for entertainment purpose. /!\

✧ 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐚𝐲 ➵ 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

✾ ᶜʰⁱˡᵈ: ᵐᵃᵍⁱᶜᵃˡ (ˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵃᵗᵗʳⁱᵇᵘᵗᵉ), ᵘʳᵃⁿᵘˢ, ᵠᵘᵉᵉⁿ ᵒᶠ ˢʷᵒʳᵈˢ

⇝ Jay sees the potential in everyone and everything. He’s creative and has many innovative ideas thanks to which he can cope easily with any situation and find a way to satisfy everyone at the end. He sees things objectively while considering any potential shifts. He isn’t the type to fantasize about people, he sees them the way they are, with all of their potentials and flaws. He’s down-to-earth and really determined in such a way that once he sets his mind onto something, nothing can stop him from achieving his goal. He is likely to help people exploit their potential and fight for what they want. Jay isn’t easily baffled or devastated because he enjoys life the way it is, he’s grateful for everything he has and sees beauty in the smallest things. He’s far from being a storyteller, he will simply tell things the way they are. If you ask for his opinion, don’t expect him to sugarcoat, he will be frank.

✾ ˢᵉᵉᵏᵉʳ (ˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵃᵗᵗʳⁱᵇᵘᵗᵉ), ᶜᵃⁿᶜᵉʳ, 6 ᵒᶠ ˢʷᵒʳᵈˢ ʳˣ

⇝ This boy is honest yet whenever he says something, he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. He simply doesn’t beat around the bush for better or for worse. It doesn’t mean he constantly says what you’ve done wrong, like I said before he’s just purely objective. He wants people to grow and improve so he won’t hesitate if he can be of any help. He constantly seeks out the truth. Whenever he feels lost or confused, he remembers that he still has many lessons to learn and as long as he’s aligned with his values and his morals, there’s nothing to be worried about. I think he rarely acts out of the blue because he takes a step back in order to better comprehend the situation. He trusts his knowledges. He learns lessons from each new experience and it helps him grow and become more mature. Basically, he reflects on his past to better grasp the consequences in the future while still living in the present-time. He tries not to worry too much about the future. He’s grounded and knows what he wants. However, he needs to know where he is heading, if a project which has neither head nor tail is offered to him, he won’t bother trying it or you have to convince him with tangible arguments. He would rather mature the project and think about the impact it will have on his life than diving in headfirst.

✾ ˢᶜʳⁱᵇᵉ (ˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵃᵗᵗʳⁱᵇᵘᵗᵉ), ʷᵃᵗᵉʳ ᵉˡᵉᵐᵉⁿᵗ, ʷʰᵉᵉˡ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵒʳᵗᵘⁿᵉ

⇝ He can easily sense when someone isn’t feeling right and he will do his best to take their worries away or at least shed some light on the issue. He will find the right words to motivate them. He can be quite intuitive actually, he goes with the flow and experiments life as it comes. If he ever feels overwhelmed, he might be the type to write down his concerns or to keep a diary to keep track of his day-to-day life. He may also write everything he plans ahead to get a clearer mind. Jay senses when it’s time to act upon something, he seizes opportunities and everything is a question of timing for him. He’s aware that life is made of many cycles and there’s a time for everything. There’s the time where you should make an introspective work and the time where you have to take action. And he naturally knows how to handle all of these steps. For this reason, he’s someone you can go to when you need advice and guidance because he sees things in the big picture and he is put-together. He’s also wise, reliable and composed. Whenever he wants something, he will use everything he has into hands to get his own way, whether it’s his knowledges, his acquaintances, his ownings… He’s in touch with many people that can help him a lot for his projects. In this sense, we can say that he’s lucky, but I think that he actually creates his own luck. He wants to expand his vision and to experiment life in every shape and form. He seeks out new experiences because the more lessons he learns, the better he becomes. He wants to mature and become wiser to become someone even more dependable. Jay also has very fixed opinions, he can give the benefit of the doubt but once he makes his mind onto something, it’s hard to make him change unless you have very good arguments.

This boy radiates CEO vibes 😳 He's so intimidating and sweet at the same time I-

Hope you enjoy it anon!

Bye 🔥

- kkօմตííí ❁

[helianthus-tarot]

Pick-a-card: Signs that they are The One

What I meant by The One, is that person who you have the best chance to be in a successful healthy relationship with. You can have amazing relationships with more than one person, however the amount of effort and work might differ. I also encourage you to appreciate whoever you are with currently (or will be with) and keep your focus more on being the best partner you can be. I take all of my reading seriously (lol) but ultimately this is for entertainment.

That being said, I got several requests on The One so I decided to combine all in one reading. Also, I noticed that there are similarities between the piles, most piles have the element of change. This reading will answer:

Signs that they are The One

Their most noticeable quality

What you can do to get closer to union

...

Disclaimer: Click Here!

Instructions;

Center yourself and focus on the topic. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to, as if it is calling out to you. Try to not choose too many (less than 2). Trust your intuition & read the message under the cut.

May the message resonate. Please ignore my grammar mistakes. Feedback in any form is very much appreciated! See you in the next reading!

Visit my tumblr for more readings!

PILE 1

Signs: 2 of Wands, The Fool, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles

You might meet your person after you have made a big decision; to go on a new journey, to start a new thing, or relocate. This is big change for you, not the “I’m going to Shop A instead of Shop B today”, it’s more on the same level as graduation, changing career path, relocation, starting a business, going back to school etc. If it was not you moving into a new house, you might meet them during a travel to a place a bit far from home. The key here is that- whatever action you will be taking, it will be a symbolism of you leaving the old behind and seeking a better future; or moving closer to your soul’s calling. You will meet them at that point of life when something ends and another thing begins; these things serve your soul’s purpose. Your person will come in with the change, so their appearance in your life might signify a big change, an end to your past OR how you know your life to be.  

Interactions you will have with this person will cause you to go within, reflecting back on your past actions, ending things that are toxic and harmful (be it people, habits, mentality, etc). They might also trigger a desire in you to really embrace a new life. You will feel adventurous, looking forward to what you can experience in life, willing to try new things more than ever. There will definitely be a spiritual element in your interactions, whether or not you/they are spiritual. The interaction and exchange will nourish your soul, it will also make you feel more alive (brimming with excitement, or overwhelmed with emotions). It will make you see and discover yourself. The same effect might be experienced by your person.

This person will be secure and established. Either it’s their social standing, having their own community, their job and finance, their personality, or the way they show love and care; something about it will ooze security and stability. Since it’s 10 of Pentacles, I think it has a material connotation to it, so financial stability or abundance. You will feel safe with them. They will show dependability and commitment. They will feel like someone you can build something lasting with. They will have a positive effect on your mind, you might be able to think more clearly when you are around this person. If you are the type to over-think or worry a lot, being around them will feel soothing and calming, you will feel as if you don’t have to worry much or that you are not stuck anymore, instead you will feel ready to move forward and focus on solutions. Life challenges won’t deter or worry you as much as they did before.

You guys might also have a lot of conversations on how to build more stability in life. You will be planning, brainstorming, bouncing ideas off each other. So this might also be someone who you will have a work or business project with, or they will help you with yours.

You will be born anew. Your life will be changed.

Most noticeable quality: Priest

Their noticeable quality is their strong faith in something; it could be in the universe, it could in religion, it could be in their path, their passion, their principles and code, etc. I don’t feel like it’s religion, I’m getting more of a set of beliefs or moral principles that they stand for. You’ll see this in their behaviors, in what they talk about, in their opinions. Integrity. Walk-the-talk. It might also be surprising, like you won’t expect someone like them has a set of codes they follow. Easy example, imagine someone who is well-admired choosing to not lead someone on (even when they can and have ample opportunity to do so), because they believe it’s not the right thing to do.

This also tells me about their effect on you. I think they will help you with your soul’s purpose, intentionally or unintentionally. In a good way. You will be feeling closer to your truth, so you will be more joyful, more peaceful and more connected to yourself and the universe as a result. They could also be the kind of person who lives their soul’s purpose; they might be doing or want to do things that they are passionate about.

What you can do: Wheel of Fortune, Page of Cups

Eh… you just have to wait. Lol. I feel like it will come when the time is right. Remember I mentioned about how you might meet them when something is ending and another thing is starting? That might be something that is not in your control, or it might be facilitated by an external event a.k.a external event might be the thing that will push you to make that change.

There is still something we can take from the Wheel tho; go with the flow. So when an external event happens and requires you to change, do it, don’t resist, don’t hold onto the old ways. Of course you can think and learn about what you are getting yourself into before you make any kind of decision, but there is a message to trust in the universe and flow with it. Especially when something weird or unexpected happens, something big (since you got The Fool).

You can also learn to manage your emotions, especially in regard to your emotional response toward change. Maybe take it easy, try to be curious and lighthearted about it. Try to find little things in life to be joyful about while ‘waiting’ for the Wheel to turn and bring you closer to your person. You can also learn more about love; the healthy way to love someone and yourself, what is the healthy view of love, how you want to treat someone, etc. Learn anything that can help you be a good partner, to your partner and yourself. Prepare yourself to love someone. You can also envision how you want to love your person. 

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PILE 2

Signs: Wheel of Fortune Rx, 8 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, The Tower

This has the same element as Pile 1, as in, you might meet this person when you are going through a big or sudden change; either it will be self-imposed or it will be an external event happening in your life triggering the change. You can check Pile 1 if you are attracted to it. Either way, this has a more resistant feeling. You might be resistant to the change, or even to your person lol. This might be someone who you won’t expect to appear in your life due to whatever reason. Their appearance might shock or surprise you which might be the reason why you will be resistant toward it; it might happen quite unexpectedly. Honestly, they might also feel this way toward you.

Weirdly enough I don’t feel like 8 of Swords is their energy. I think it is or will be your energy by the time you guys meet. Either you will have been in this energy even before you meet them, or you will be in this energy when you meet them. You might over-think or doubt that it’s them. But it is. It is the person that is destined to enter your life. You might feel like it is not happening at the right time, in the right place, or in the right way; but this doesn’t mean it isn’t right. It might also be related to work, with 3 of Pentacles. So a change in career or work project that you won’t expect. Honestly, they might also show up at your workplace suddenly, or you might suddenly be sent to go somewhere (to a program, an event, or a different branch etc and meet them there).  

Someone will make a proposal (not a marriage proposal) but someone will be offering something to another person and I’m feeling like it will be work related, nothing personal. It could be a collaboration, an invitation, a help, a suggestion, a network, etc. The receiver will be a bit hesitant or unreceptive toward it because like I said before it might be sudden/unexpected, it might also be that it will look too good to be true. I’m strongly feeling like your person will be the one who makes the proposal.

When you get to know this person and they share their life story with you, you will notice that they have been through some extreme things, or some massive changes. You will also recognize them by their ability to take care of themselves; something about them that gives off this impression. So it might be their nice clothes, the fact that they keep their shoes polished, the fact that they keep their hair trimmed nicely. Something that says ‘I take care of myself’. Despite their vibe, which we will talk in the next section.

Most noticeable quality: Destroyer

Lol. This is related to the previous section, since you got The Tower. Your person is intense. Sharp. Decisive. When they walk into a room, it will feel like they are pulling the energy around them. They are someone noticeable. You wont be able to ignore them. Fiery, blunt, impatient at times. Might be intimidating as well. Might have a strong or loud clear voice. This person changes things. They have low patience toward things that don’t work anymore. Their existence, their approach, when they interact with life; it’s like life itself changes, noticeably. And not for meaningless purpose, either. They might have this effect on you, in a sense that you will have to change something in your life after coming into contact with them.

Your person might also have a lot of control over change. It could be over their own life, and for some of you, it might also extend to the external environment. They might resist control, they don’t like to be controlled or be under someone else’s power. The thing about this type of people is that- they will either take themselves out of any system and go setting up their own venture (entrepreneur, artist, musician, freelancer, etc), or they will move to a position of power within an existing structure; anything that has a hierarchy, they will move to the top. Well, the unhealthy ones will probably be troublemakers, destroying and causing shit in people’s lives. But since we are talking about The One, I doubt they are like that. Maybe they used to be a troublemaker when they were a teen, who knows.

Your person doesn’t like to be stuck, or to stay in a shitty situation. They will want to find a solution and get done with it.

What you can do: 10 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles

Something needs to end in your life. If you are holding onto something, whatever it is, this is a message for you to let it go. It could be a relationship, it could be mentality, behaviors, past pain and wounds, fear and insecurity, a stage of life. If you have negative behavior patterns or habits, change them, put an end to them. You need to do this so that you will be ready to take on opportunities coming your way, so that it will be easier for you to start again on a more stable ground, so you can expand and create more abundance in your life.

If you are not holding onto anything, then you might simply have to wait for a new thing to come in, for the sun to rise again as it will bring in an opportunity. It will be related to establishing your stability. Depending on your age, it could be an opportunity to establish a stable foundation of your life, your career, your finance. An opportunity to expand and manifest more abundance in your life. While waiting for it, heal whatever is left to heal, make peace with your shadow, develop your intuition, and be ready to receive. Whatever has been causing you pain is about to end.

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PILE 3

Signs: 9 of Wands, Page of Cups, Ace of Cups, The World

Key sign that they are The One is that they are someone who learns from their experiences. Yes, many people do but not everyone can make profound and insightful conclusions about their experiences. Your person has this ‘philosophical and wise’ vibe to them, which might not be obvious right away. You will feel a contrast/duality from this person. They might come off as lighthearted and easy-going, but when you have a private conversation with them, you will notice that they do give thought to things around them. What they say will give you something to think about, something to learn.

They could have experienced a lot of struggles in life, who knows. But by the time you guys meet, they will have come to a point where they can look back to their past and actively choose to be at peace with it, learn as much as they can and look forward to the future. Not in a fiery “I’ll burn my past and move the fuck on,” kind of way lol; but more… watery. So Pisces, Cancer, also Libra, Scorpio.. could be, but Scorpios can be intense so I wouldn’t bet on it. There is also Sagittarius/Jupiter/9th house energy to this, Sagittarius rising perhaps. Someone who is resilient in the face of ups and downs in life, because they have experienced enough to understand the flow, the interconnectivity between them and the rest of the universe. Probably also someone who has made peace with their shadow. They will be spiritual, not necessarily religious. Emotionally mature. I know with Page of Cups, maturity probably should have been the last thing to appear in the reading. But with the combination of 9 of Wands and The World, I think this Page is just a front.

You will feel emotionally nourished by this person, being with them will have this calming and peaceful effect on you. The connection will not feel hard or intensely overwhelming. It will feel like coming home. You will become softer and more open with your vulnerability with them, especially if you are the type who tends to put up walls. They will ‘make’ you want to divulge your life story and secrets, opinions and philosophy. Their eyes might look deep as if they can see through your soul. Something about their eyes. I’m really feeling water signs here, could be water rising as well with Sagittarius or 9th house placements.

By the time you meet this person you might be feeling a bit pessimistic or tired of love connections, but being around them will make you want to try again. You will have a lot of philosophical talks together, exchanging views and why you see the world in a certain way. The exchange will not be pessimistic, this person will not feel pessimistic at all. They will feel wise, there’s a difference. They might come from a place that is far away; that requires air travel. It could be someone in a different state or it could be a foreigner from a different country. For some of you, this person might be from a European country. And white, or lighter skin color. Idk why I got it that specific.  

Basically, look out for someone who appears easy-going and kinda social (knowing or getting along with different people); but who is philosophical, understanding and wise once you get closer and have some private conversations with them. Your intuition will be able to sense that they have layers to them; as if they hold a different story from what they show to the world.

Most noticeable quality: Guide

This is simply an echo of the previous section. The oracle card supports the message of The World pretty well. So while your person can appear as if they have no problems in the world, or as if they just take it easy and flow through life, the most noticeable quality about this person is their wisdom. It can be felt in their words, their thoughts, their beliefs, the perspective they choose to take. It’s when they comment on, let’s say, an issue- like I said before, you will know that they think things through and that they feel deeply. Which might be contradictory to their usual lighthearted demeanor. 

Their friends circle might also go to them for advice, insights, or simply to feel understood. You’ll notice that they have people from all walks of life as acquaintances. For some of you, your person will actually be someone who has a lot of friends. For others of you, your person might have a lot of people around them but at the same time they will also look solitary.

Anyhow, although this is their most noticeable quality, I don’t think it will be obvious ha ha. It is something you will see only when you get close enough or spend enough time with them. They will have a spiritual effect on you; being in contact with them will impact your spirituality and your relationship with yourself/the universe.

What you can do: 7 of Wands, 6 of Swords

You need to stand strong in your beliefs and things you have chosen for yourself. If you still haven’t made a decision on who want you to be, what beliefs and values you want to have, what philosophy you want to hold, how you see yourself in relation to the rest of the world; you might want to go within and make some decisions, and you need to be ready to defend them. Hold onto your moral and life principles.

There is something you need to walk away from; it is something that does not serve your highest good anymore. If you have a limiting belief, replace that belief with what you want to believe (which also serves your highest good). That’s the feeling I’m getting. For some of you, if your current environment is toxic or makes you feel as if you need to constantly defend yourself; you might want to leave the environment and live somewhere else if possible. It might not be easy, it might be a mentally exhausting process; but better things will come.

Again, get clear about your values, beliefs, life purpose, self-image, etc. These might also come up in conversations you will have with your person. Your person might also trigger some pain and wounds, whether they realize it or not. It’s just a sign that you will need to further heal those wounds, that’s all.

If you are attracted to Pile 2, then one of these two piles is your actual pile, I don’t feel like it’s both. Pile 2 holds a different intense energy; it can’t be the same person.

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PILE 4

Signs: Death, 2 of Wands, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords

I want to avoid talking about the same thing but Death wanted to come out. Pile 1, 2 and 3 all have the element of change lmao I guess we need to change before meeting The One. This one feels like Pluto meeting Mercury.  

One of the signs is that they will be cerebral/intellectual. I’m not sure why I feel like guys might argue or debate about some shit in your first conversation. Especially if you are cerebral as well, which I think you are. If you don’t feel connected to the air element, if you think you are not cerebral or opinionated, this might not be your pile so see if you can choose another one. Both of you will have strong opinions, and you might clash at first because of this. You will debate about something complex; if there would be a debate at all it wouldn’t be about one person walking too slow and the other person getting annoyed, it would be about something like ‘what things should change to eradicate/reduce poverty’, ‘whether potential parents should be evaluated before being allowed to have children’, ‘should you keep a private account from your marriage partner’. Controversial or complex topics.

Both of you will have been affected by some massive events in your life. This is something you will bond over, but this is also something that will cause that first clash (it will be influencing your responses). The massive event could be a trauma, death, bullying, accidents, betrayal, toxic relationships or any life-altering event. I think it’s you who will be heavily influenced by your past during the debate. Your person might be speaking from experience or from their observations of other people experience, either way- the topic will be personal to them but it might not appear like it at that time. They will have a more optimistic view, although they might be blunt. You will have a more realistic and dark view about it; which some people might consider pessimistic.

But you see, you might feel a bit frustrated, they might look frustrated, OR other people might think you guys are fighting. But both of you deep down will feel kinda… exhilarated? Intoxicated? by the debate. It will intrigue both of you. It will make both of you acknowledge and get curious about each other. They might make a point that you will deep down find reasonable, vice versa. Someone here will exceed expectations.

By the time you meet them, you both will still be figuring things out; about your life and where you want to go after this. So you might meet them at college or university, or early stage of your career. Sometimes they will look fearless, like a person who is ready to cut Death itself.  

Basically, you guys will connect intellectually. Right off the bat you guys might disagree with something but you will know they use their brain, and they will know you use your brain. They will be more careless though. It might need a little bit of work, but you guys are much more similar than what your initial debate might show. I don’t think you disagree with the what should be done, just the how you should approach it. If you have a tendency to be impatient toward bullshit, this person will be the same. No games, no mind reading, no beating around the bush with this person. Your attitude toward the past will be similar.

Most noticeable quality: Child, Eternal

This person is much more playful than how they appear at first. Don’t let their strong opinions and bluntness fool you. They can be a child; most of the time, in a good way, occasionally a bit annoyingly. It depends. They can be affectionate, teasing, and are probably much more sensitive than whatever ‘tough’ ‘cool’ image they show to the world. I’m getting Aries energy, Sagittarius, Gemini. I don’t know what stance or perspective they will take in the debate, but this person is actually hopeful and optimistic about life. It’s in their nature to want to move forward. They want things to go well without any complications, so they might react to this need by addressing problems as soon as possible. The type who will just ask what’s your problem when they feel like you are hiding something. This person might not want to take a heavy, Scorpionic approach to seeing things, whether or not they have experienced dark things in their life. They could have Scorpio in them, since we have Death here, but they will engage more with their cerebral side.

So if you have a heavy Scorpio/Pluto energy and you are used to talk about the dark shit, then that might be the reason why you clash at first. It’s not like they can’t see what you see, it’s just that, they might have this resistance to staying too long in the dark. Who knows, being with you might get them to get used to do so.  

What you can do: 6 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles

This one is more about self-love. 6 of Swords can talk about moving away and healing your pain, not carrying them with you. 9 of Pentacles can talk about enjoying the fruits of your labor, it is also a woman who is independent and pretty much takes care of herself. I’m not sensing heavy energy for you. It might simply loose ends that need to be tied up, residue of painful experience that needs to be removed, that’s all.

You might also want to pamper yourself. Or have some self-care activities, be it taking some time to do skincare while meditating, having a cup of tea while reading a book every Saturday morning, going on a date with yourself and get some ice-cream after a job well done. It’s up to you. But something that can help you feel better, and enjoy day-to-day life more. Try new things, such as new projects or hobbies if you want, say yes to invitations from friends (after the pandemic or in a small group lol). Honestly you might meet your person then.  

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PILE 5

Signs: 9 of Cups, The Star, 2 of Wands, Ace of Pentacles

You will meet them after either you or them have just gone through a heartbreak, most likely a break-up or a disastrous past relationship. The person who experiences the heartbreak will want to move away from the past, either by relocating or taking a different job; the change will be heavily influenced by the desire to move away from the heartbreak and the desire to focus on their own improvement/life. I’m feeling like this is most likely them, but it’s not weird if you mirror each other.  

Your person will be your dream comes true, or you will be theirs, or both. Almost feels like a ‘reward’ after hardship.

They will be emotionally mature and wise. Someone who has learned enough life lessons to share some of their wisdom with others. Could be older than you. But they will look emotionally grounded, warm, giving the impression that you can depend on them. I don’t feel like they are the type who will gush and fret over someone, busily taking care of someone else; they will simply look composed and stable. They might be reasonably private about their personal life, not everything we can share with everyone, but they wont have tough walls or exterior to crack.

When you meet them, they will be living their life purpose or building something which can help them get closer to their life purpose. This person will be working on a personal project; they will be starting something they can call theirs. It could be their own business, a new department, a new invention, etc. It will have a purpose of realizing their own vision, representing them as a person. When you look at their project, you can see their personality being reflected back. You might be in awe of them; how focused they are in realizing their ideas. It might also inspire you.

Honestly I can’t talk about financial stability when we only have Ace of Pentacles here, but this is a promise. When you look at them, you will think to yourself like ‘ah they will succeed’. That’s the impression they will leave on you. Even if their project turns out to be unsuccessful, with that personality and sense of direction, you know they can go far. They might not have everything yet (everything they want to manifest), but they are not a beginner either, so they will not give off that instability of an apprentice who is just starting or an entrepreneur who has nothing in their pocket.

Most noticeable quality: Visionary

You’ll notice them from their desire to make their dreams happen. They have dreams, vision, you name it; but they are not impractical. They will go out there and figure out how to make it happen. You will notice them from how focused they are on the future, and on building and bringing things into a reality. So they might talk a lot about the future; the next actions they want to take, things they want to do, whether they should implement this idea or that idea, or maybe they should go about it this way instead of that way, their observation of the market trends etc. There isn’t as much intensity in this pile in comparison to other piles, but there is definitely an element of ‘focused actions’ here. They might also have an ability to understand cause-and-effect; which might allow them to strategize their moves. Not surprised if they are also ambitious, not as penetrating or intense as Pile 2, but at least they will look ambitious to people who prefer a routine simple life.

They will also have some causes they believe in, like, social responsibility- they will want to contribute back to the community. But I’m not feeling it strongly so it might be underneath all of their goals and vision, and it might not be their main priority, just an extra wish. For example, let’s say you guys are having a conversation about the future and their goals and then they tell you that oh they are actually passionate and care about children with disabilities, and they want to help create a tool that can be convenient for those people, or they want to do something for those people once they get where they want to be in life. Just an example.

What you can do: Page of Wands, Knight of Pentacles

For those of you who have some big decisions to make, there is a message to follow the path that serves your highest good.

If you have a dream you want to make happen but you haven’t because you think it’s unrealistic, then, definitely reconsider. It might look unrealistic or you might feel shy and scared to try it, because maybe it’s different and ‘what will people say’, but you have Page of Wands here so definitely give it a shot. Of course don’t sacrifice your stability especially not right away, but try to look deeper into how you can make it successful. Knight of Pentacles can represent consistent and steady effort. Honestly this makes sense, because your person is the type who will go after their vision and try to make it happen; by doing the same thing in your life, you are actually matching their energy. Even if it doesn’t turn out to be successful, at least when you meet this person you can say that you had something you fought for, a dream you tried to materialize. That matters.  

For those who have figured out their journey and goals, keep going. Whatever you are doing or planning to do, keep at it. You might be trekking an uncharted path, your path might be different than people around you and success isn’t guaranteed, but hey you’ll never know unless you try.

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[painted-crow]

hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

[c-ptsdrecovery]

A friendship with a narcissist

I had this friend--let’s call her G. I met G through church. She was an intelligent and creative woman, very well respected by others.

There WERE some early warning signs. She seemed to have a little affectation. Affectation is defined as, “behavior, speech, or writing that is artificial and designed to impress.  A studied display of real or pretended feeling.” Many narcissists just kind of give you the impression that they’re always on stage. Something just seems a little theatrical about their behavior. It’s a little grating and cringe. G and her husband often sang on a worship team, and the way that she closed her eyes and lifted her hands while singing seemed a little fake, a little more for show than the way her husband did it.

But then, some people just have an unfortunate manner. So I ignored it.

I knew G for a few years before we really became friends. I think we really got to know one another through a Bible study we were both going to. We were both well-educated, especially in English, both smart, had similar (liberal) politics. (Though, in retrospect, narcissists do often take on the politics and beliefs of the people they’re love-bombing, to make them more compatible. So I have no idea what her politics really were.)

Somehow, we became friends. We sat next to each other during service. We attended the same Bible study. After awhile, it became a weekly thing that I would go over to her house and we would go out to eat together. I also pet-sat for her when she and her husband went away.

It was tough holding a conversation with G. She had to use everything you said in some kind of clever comment. Either that, or she would feign being offended and twist whatever you had said into a slight or an insult against her. She did it with a smile in her eyes, to show she wasn’t mad, but still you would have to insist that you didn’t mean it like that, and often give her a compliment. It was EXHAUSTING holding a conversation with her sometimes because of the combination of walking on eggshells, trying to keep up with her clever commentary, and having to constantly reassure her of your good opinion. (A mutual friend of mine asked me once if I found it tiring to talk to G, so I know it wasn’t just me!)

Repeatedly, over the course of our friendship, she exclaimed spontaneously, “It’s so good to finally have a friend!” or, “You’re my only friend!” This always struck me as deeply weird, because I KNEW she had other good friends in our church. I often would point this out when she made comments like this, and she would brush it off, like, “Yes, but they can’t keep up with me in a conversation”, or some other compliment to me. I would let it drop, but I knew that these excuses weren’t true either, as I knew that at least a couple of the friends she had at church were just as intelligent and educated as I was. This always weirded me out at the time, and I know now that it was lovebombing: narcissists often go out of their way to pull in a target by assuring them that they have a special and unique relationship. They want you to feel flattered so you’ll stick with them.

Increasingly, I found that was I completely physically exhausted after an afternoon with G. I had chronic fatigue syndrome, so I did get tired easily, but I got more tired with G than I did hanging out with any of my other friends. After spending a couple of hours with G, I would have to go home and straight to bed. I thought this was strange, and it began to make me feel ambivalent about spending time with her. But I was very isolated at the time, and my weekly meetings with G were a way to get out of the house and go do something, so I felt dependent on their continuing. I have learned since that covert narcissists are sometimes called “energy vampires” because of how mentally--and indeed, physically--exhausting it can be to be around them.

G decided eventually to go into the ministry. (I have known a number of narcissists in the ministry; it’s a position that gives them lots of attention and narcissistic supply, and unfortunately has the side-effect of giving them lots of opportunities to victimize others through their spiritual authority.) I remember the first time she gave a sermon:

It was pretty cringe.

What she was saying was fine. The text was fine. But her affectation, which I had learned to ignore by that point, was much more obvious when she had a whole audience, a whole congregation, to impress. Public speaking seems to bring out the worst in narcissists with affectation.

But I was a good friend: I told her she did a great job, and gave her lots of reassurance (read: repeated compliments) that she had been wonderful.

I was struggling a great deal at that time with my parents. I was living with them again, and my mom had done an “emotional discard” with me. (The cycle of narcissism is to idealize the target, devalue them, and then sometimes suddenly discard them. My mom couldn’t suddenly disappear from my life, since she still wanted to be seen as a good parent, so instead she made it very clear to me in subtle and passive-aggressive ways that she wasn’t going to support me emotionally anymore and I didn’t matter to her at all. It was subtle enough that I wouldn’t be able to carry really awful stories of her to others and make her look like a bad mother, but also hurtful enough that living with her was torture.) Then, on top of that, my mom thought I had insulted her on my blog at one point and went into a complete narcissistic rage for a MONTH, doing everything possible to tear me down emotionally, while I just sat there, bewildered as to what was happening or why.

The result, especially since my parents had systematically undermined my self-confidence through gaslighting throughout my life, was that I couldn’t figure out what was going on in my relationship with my parents (and my mother in particular--I didn’t realize at that time that she was a covert narcissist, or even that her behavior constituted emotional neglect or abuse). I didn’t trust my own intuitions and my own feelings about it, and so I went to my friends to try to get an outside opinion, some kind of validation of my impressions. I had been indoctrinated by my parents with the idea that I was “constantly overreacting”, so I needed somebody else to tell me I wasn’t.

Luckily, I had one friend, Jen, who kept telling me that my mother’s behavior was abusive and unacceptable. But it’s so hard to believe that your own parents, who have raised you to believe that they’re ideal parents, are abusive or toxic. So I would bring all my troubles to G, too, looking for corroboration.

My interactions with G felt like my interactions with my mother, in the sense that SOMETIMES she would build me up and tell me I was right and that my feelings mattered and so forth, and sometimes she would side with my mother. Just like a gambling addict, I kept going back to her because I SOMETIMES got a payoff, and SOMETIMES it felt really good, but the price was that oftentimes, she made me feel like I WAS overreacting.

With Jen’s help, I eventually did figure out that my mother’s behavior was abusive (it was quite some time later that I managed to work out that her problem was narcissism; at this time I was still trying to work out if she had had some kind of minor psychotic break, her change in behavior had been so dramatic!). G seemed to support me, telling me about how she herself had felt as a child that she hated her emotionally neglectful parents. (I don’t think she was just putting this on to make me feel like she and I were similar; narcissistic personality disorder very frequently IS partially a product of early childhood emotional abuse/neglect.)

But still, I began to feel increasingly like G was gaslighting me. More and more, there were times when I told her a story about my mother’s behavior which I had already determined beyond a doubt was abusive--and G would play it down, or explain it away. I think she likely realized that my mother was like her, a fellow narcissist, and either she was sympathizing more with my mother’s situation than mine, or she wanted to keep me in thrall to narcissistic techniques of control, or both. If I got wise to my mother’s manipulative behavior, I could get wise to HER manipulative behavior, too. 

The friendship began to feel more and more uncomfortable and distasteful, but because I had so few friends in the area and so few opportunities to get away from my parents’ house, I kept seeing her every week.

(There was also an incident, when G was showing me the little apartment she and her husband had built over their garage. Knowing that my mother was abusive, I was trying to figure out how to leave my parents’ house--but I had nowhere to go, and little money to live on independently. So I asked G, “If things with my parents get really bad and I need to leave--can I come stay with you here for awhile?” Her answer was an immediate “No.” She told me that they had established the apartment so her sons could come stay with her. Her sons had homes and lives and jobs of their own, and one of them was married. But she was very emphatic that I could not come to stay with her, even if I was driven out of my house. I found this puzzling and hurtful, considering how nice she was always being to me and how she kept telling me I was her only real friend. To this day, I have never known either of her sons to come stay with her. I would like to add that it’s not that she didn’t have the right to decide who could come and stay in her guest room, and if she had been worried about something like the expense of helping to support me, I would have understood. But to claim she liked me SO MUCH and then to deny me support I needed that she could have given always struck me as contradictory--and revealing.)

Finally, I decided I needed to draw some boundaries. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what in G’s behavior was so toxic, but I knew there was something, and I needed to start working on weeding it out. So I found a behavior of hers that upset me, as a place to start.

She liked to give me unsolicited advice about things. It annoyed me because it was so often something that wouldn’t work for my situation, and getting this advice kind of triggered me. I realize now that part of the problem was that when she gave me advice, she was putting me in subordinate position. I was a full adult, over thirty years old, with a PhD, plenty old enough and competent enough to run my own life. She was about my parents’ age (25ish years older than me), and I felt like her giving me advice was her way of feeling superior to me.

So, I thought through what I was going to say, and the next time we got together, I asked her very nicely not to give me unsolicited advice anymore, because it upset me and wasn’t really helpful. I was worried about her reaction, but her reaction was perfect: a seemingly genuine, “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize that upset you. Yes, I’ll stop. And if you catch me doing it and I don’t realize, say something, and I’ll stop.” I was relieved and gratified at her immediate acquiescence.

A few days later, I was texting with her, and she felt the need to give me unsolicited advice. And this wasn’t just a single line of, “Hey, have you thought of trying such-and-such?” No, she literally sent me a text SO LONG that my phone service broke it into three long sections (and actually sent them to me out of order) because it couldn’t handle it all. IIRC, it was about daily devotions, and she was describing EXACTLY how I should be doing my devotions.

Now, not only was this an egregious example of giving unsolicited advice in terms of length, but it was also a subject on which I felt she shouldn’t have been giving me advice in the first place. One’s Christian devotional practices are very personal, and other than “you should read the Bible and pray”, how you do it is really up to you. And she was giving me GRANULAR instructions on how to do my devotions.

I was annoyed, but she HAD said she might forget and give me advice by accident. So I texted back, “Thanks, but I can’t really use that advice.” or something to that effect. She texted back--and these aren’t the exact words, but they’re pretty close--”I was just trying to tell you what you should do.” 

...which... is what advice is.

I ended the conversation soon after, and I decided we probably needed a break and I needed some space in our relationship. I had felt that she was gaslighting me on the subject of my mom’s bad behavior, and now she was overstepping very clear boundaries. And boundaries have to be enforced, not to mention I really didn’t want to be spending so much time with her if she was going to behave this way. I worried a bit about how she would react when I turned her down for our next lunch date.

I needn’t have worried. She stopped contacting me entirely. Not a call, not a text, not a lunch date. From getting together every week, she very suddenly dropped our relationship entirely, cold turkey. 

On one hand, I was relieved. This meant I didn’t need to step back from our relationship myself. On the other hand, it was puzzling and hurtful. She knew that I was isolated and dealing with abuse and that I needed a strong social support system. Not to mention how she kept calling me her “ONLY FRIEND”. And yet she dropped me flat. I have since learned that this is characteristic of narcissists--another, more obvious form of the “discard”:

“When the target asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy and valid requests that people with extreme narcissistic qualities generally do not engage in), the person with narcissism may decide that the target has lost his or her luster and is tarnished—no longer the “perfect partner” to fluff the ego feathers. Inevitably, the discarding occurs when the person with narcissism either disappears or orchestrates his or her own abandonment by engaging in some form of egregious emotional abuse.” (source)

G’s discard of me was just as sudden as my mother’s, but was demonstrated through sudden literal/physical abandonment rather than sudden emotional abandonment.

That was in October. She DID call me up again one more time, in April, and we had one lunch together. By this time I had gotten diagnosed with C-PTSD from my mother’s emotional abuse, and I told G about it. She was perfectly nice at lunch, but I had a total emotional meltdown about something about an hour later that I attribute partly to G’s emotional/physical effect on me and my resulting lack of forks. That was in 2019. It has now been almost exactly two years, and I haven’t heard a word from her since. She apparently has also stopped going to our former church (I’ve stopped going there, too), and our former pastor has commented to me in emails that he misses me and G (thinking we’re still friends). I haven’t tried to disabuse him of the notion or tell him my suspicions, that G is a covert narcissist. I don’t know if he’d believe me or not, and since she isn’t going there anymore, there’s no need to tell him. I do worry that she might still be trying to work in the ministry, though.

So here’s the point of that story:

Was any of G’s behavior toward me overt abuse? No. There was something I think was gaslighting, and there was violation of boundaries, but not something that meets most people’s definition of abuse. I think G probably went out of her way to be nice to me because she was using me as narcissistic supply--just like my narcissist mother is SO NICE to all her friends, who all think she’s WONDERFUL, and saved her nastiness for those of us living in the house with her. So G was being careful NOT to abuse me, under the common definition of abuse.

But was there harm done? Yes. Being friends with G was harmful, both mentally and physically, to such an extent that the end of our friendship, sudden and unexpected as it was, filled me with relief. She was draining me emotionally in a time when I needed my friends to build me up instead. She was reinforcing my mother’s gaslighting of me, making it harder for me to get away from my abuser. She even literally made it harder for me to escape that abuse by refusing to give me any shelter despite her easy ability to do so and her avowed affection for me.

We humans need our relationships to be mutually supportive. Narcissists don’t know how to do mutually supportive. They only know how to pump you up with flattery in order to get narcissistic supply out of you. Relationships with narcissists, even “non-abusive” ones, are not relationships: they are a covert matter of cold transaction, in which the narcissist is determined to come out on top. 

This is why narcissistic apologism rings so hollow. The argument “Not all narcissists are abusive” is beside the point. G didn’t directly “abuse” me by many people’s definition of abuse. Yet being friends with her was still ultimately harmful. She didn’t harm me as much as some other narcissists I have known, but that may be because I had begun to learn a good bit about narcissism and emotional abuse by that time, and it was my getting wise to her that made her end the friendship. Being in a close relationship with a narcissist--be they a parent, a partner, a friend, or a boss--can be very damaging over the long term, even if the narcissist isn’t overtly abusive. Yes, G’s narcissism probably came from a history of emotional abuse/neglect at the hands of her parents. This is true of many narcissists, including my mother. I feel bad for that. No, on some level she can’t help her natural instincts. But I also don’t need to put myself in danger by engaging in relationships with narcissists on the off-chance that they won’t harm me. I will also warn people about the characteristics of narcissists so that they, too, can protect themselves. 

I don’t blame tigers for being tigers, but I don’t try to make friends with them. And telling other people that tigers make for dangerous friends doesn’t make me a bad person. *

Meredith Miller writes**, “After years of talking with people in my personal and professional life about covert narcissists, I’ve come to believe that in order to really understand the nature of the covert narcissist, you have to have lived it. . . . Only someone who has been inside that nightmare can really know what the experience is like. Even then it’s hard to describe.” I think she’s probably right. So I don’t expect narcissist apologists to really understand, and this post probably won’t change some of their minds. But people who are currently experiencing narcissistic abuse need to know that narcissistic abuse DOES exist, that it IS harmful. They need to know what it looks like so they can escape their abuser’s gaslighting. Information about covert narcissists and narcissistic abuse is a necessary tool for escape and recovery. Telling someone who is being covertly abused by a narcissist that anything bad that is said about narcissists is immoral and false is only trapping them in the cycle of abuse and its debilitating psychological and physical effects.

I hope that G, like the other narcissists I’ve known, has a good and happy life. But I don’t want to be any part of it, and I would recommend that others keep clear, as well.

*This is not an attempt to dehumanize narcissists. Narcissists are people, not animals.

**Foreword to The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist by Debbie Mirza

[eclecticash22]

🔮 What Does Spirit Want You to Know? 🔮

Take a moment to breathe and relax as much as you are able in this current moment. Take three deep breaths. 1... 2... 3... Now look over each pile. Which one really jumps out at you? Trust in your intuition and follow where it leads you.

Pile One - "You're one cool cat" | Pile Two - Llama | Pile Three - "You Rock!" | Pile Four - Sloth

Please make sure to also read the "All Piles" section at the bottom of this reading!

Pile One - "You're One Cool Cat"

Hello! I'm feeling as though you may currently be in a lack mindset. You may hold a belief that you aren't good enough or that you're not worthy of something. But spirit wants you to walk away from that mindset. Know your worth. Get back in touch with yourself. Spend some time with yourself. Get grounded. Shadow work may be something to look into. Often times we stunt our own growth with our thoughts. It may not be intentional, but the beliefs we hold are powerful. Especially the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Allow yourself the opportunity to grow by believing that you deserve the world. Because you do 💕 Stay true to who you are because you are amazing!

Charms: It is time for you to focus on yourself and what you want. Have some fun. Treat yourself. Believe in yourself and you will go far. Find your passions and keep them close. Have faith. Your current mindset may be holding you back from a love connection. Have faith in yourself and those watching over you. You may be experiencing a spiritual awakening soon. You will overcome the obstacles you face. You are being supported by your angels. The angels are telling you that something good is coming. Good fortune. Focus on you and your energy and your goals. Balance.

Channeled Message: "You are worthy and you are destined for great things. Have no doubt about that. Believe."

Notes: While receiving your channeled message, I heard a man's voice. Someone older and they sounded quite lively. Intelligent as well. I got the feeling of grandfather or father. This may be directed towards someone specific. They are sending you a message. They are watching out for you and want what is best for you.

Pile Two - Llama

Why, hello there! There is some really positive energy here. I see you feeling confident and prosperous. Happy and excited. But I'm also getting that for some of you, this may not be where you are but where you desire to be. Confidence can be tricky sometimes, and for many people it is a cycle. Sometimes we may slip and feel negatively towards ourselves. Its okay, it happens. But when it does, we need to face how we're feeling. Why do I feel this way? Is this how i feel, or am i letting someone else's beliefs cloud my own judgement? Do not allow the opinions of others cloud how you feel about yourself. You are radiant and beautiful. Don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. Nurture yourself and find happiness within yourself. It may not be the easiest of journeys to take, but it is worth it. Know you're loved 💕 And you've got this.

Charms: Life is a constant cycle filled with ups and downs. When the down cycle occurs, know it isn't forever. Good things are coming. Look within and be true to who you are. Nurture yourself. Battling demons isn't easy, but you have the universe on your side and angels guiding you. You have a purpose in life and it is beautiful. Work patiently with yourself. Life changes may be occurring. Change can be scary, but the outcome is often wonderful. These changes are needed. Think positively.

Channeled Message: "You're beautiful. Stop worrying so much what others think. What matters is what you think, doll."

Notes: You truly are a beautiful soul. Never forget it 💕💕

Pile Three - "You Rock!"

Hello, friend. Why are you so hard on yourself? I'm getting that you may be feeling down about yourself. You may have certain beliefs about yourself or may see yourself in a certain way, and it may be in a negative light. The thing is, though, is that we can choose how we see ourselves. We can choose who we are. And while it isn't always the easiest choice, we must push ourselves to love ourselves. We need to find our balance. We need to be mindful of ourselves. It's easy to find the negatives about ourselves, but there are also so many positives we don't always see. We have to allow ourselves to grow so we can become the best and happiest versions of ourselves.

Charms: I'm getting that there may be some bottled up emotions here or maybe some unresolved issues. Take some time to understand these. Nurture yourself. Growth isn't always easy but it is worth it. You have angels watching over you. You are smart and capable of great things. Have faith in yourself. Be your unique and wonderful self. Be unapologetically you. Listen to some music or maybe even create your own. Self expression through music is a wonderful way to release emotions. Be adventurous! Have fun. Communicate what you need with yourself and those close to you. Ask for help when you need it. You are in control of your own story, so work towards your goals and your dreams. The angels are offering you love and encouragement- do what you need to do to achieve your goals. They also want you to have strength to focus on balance and fairness. Be more fair with yourself.

Channeled Message: "Remember to challenge yourself. Take a break when you need it. Make the most out of life. Make memories to last a lifetime."

Notes: You are an incredible person with an incredible story. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. Don't let anyone, not even yourself, make you feel as though you are unworthy or undeserving. You truly deserve the entire world.

Pile Four - Sloth

Hello! I see the need to think both logically and emotionally. Find a balance between the head and heart. Have strength and courage. Do what is best for you and make sure to nurture yourself. This may be a time of rest before a time of hard work and/or excitement. Take a break and relax when you can. Nurture yourself so you can feel at home within yourself.

Now, for the really interesting part of this reading. Only take this part of the reading if it resonates with you. I know this is a touchy subject for some, which is why I do not normally touch the subject, however this seems to be a very strong message. I am seeing a lot about fertility and children. For some, you may find that you're expecting. For others, you may already be. If this is the case and you're going to be welcoming a tiny human into the world, make sure to not only do what is best for you, but the little one as well. Think with both head and heart, as this is a big life change. If you aren't looking to start a family or have a small human child, use proper protection and be careful.

Charms: I see new beginnings for you. I also see emotions being released that may have previously been hidden. I see for some, you may be committing to a romantic partner or meeting a life partner. For others, I'm seeing more of a commitment to the self.  Again, I do see fertility and children. I'm also seeing passion and communication. For some of you, an ex may be reaching out or you may reach out to an ex. Your angels are with you, and they want you to know that there are going to be some changes happening. They may be big or small. But no matter what, these are positive changes. You also may be worried about finances, but do not worry so much about that either. You may not see how things will work out now, but you will see soon. Things are going to be okay.

Channeled Message: "Don't be afraid. Work hard, don't be hard. Open your heart, as good things are moving towards you."

Notes: The voice I heard when receiving the channeled message sounded like an older woman. Calming and wise.

***All Piles***

Thank you so much for your time today 💕 I want to make sure everyone reads this section as well, as some disclaimers I have are important.

This reading is for entertainment purposes. If it resonates, that is fantastic! If it doesn't resonate, that is okay too. Take what does resonate and/or pick a different pile. This is also a collective reading. It may resonate for several people or it may resonate for one. Whichever it is, take what does resonate and leave the rest.

I am not claiming to know exactly what is happening in your life, nor am I claiming to know what will happen in your future. As I said before, this is for entertainment purposes and it is for fun. Tarot is not a way to see your exact future, as things can change and nothing is set in stone. Finally, I am not responsible for any decisions you make. All actions you make are 100% your own. We all have free will, and we each use it to make our own choices.

Have a lovely day/night everyone! 💕💕💕💕💕💕

[dreamyaqua]

Can you talk about Heeseung from enhypen on an astrology base please? Like ideal type or just an explanation

First of all, I have to admit that I haven't watched I-Land and am completely unfamiliar with Heeseung. However, I thought it would be interesting to try and analyse his chart nonetheless. Since I have no idea what he's like, my analysis is purely based on my interpretation of his chart, so I might be totally wrong as different placements can play together in various ways and I might not have gotten it right. However, I thought it would be interesting to see how accurate an analysis from someone who isn't familiar with him could be, so please, I'm curious, let me know how accurate or how far off you think I am with my analysis!!^-^

And of course, please also take this with a grain of salt as I'm not an expert at astrology and unfamiliar with him on top of that.😅

Libra sun ☀️ Virgo moon🌙 Libra Mercury 💬Virgo Venus ♀️ Capricorn Mars ♂️ Libra Eros ✨ Leo Juno ✨

Here we have the shy and awkward social butterfly. With his Sun in Libra, Heeseung possesses a natural and captivating charm about him but with his Virgo Moon, he might be more shy, awkward, and less outgoing compared to your usual Libra sun. He's likely to be a great listener, very caring and giving. He's a responsible soul, and would make a great leader. He wants to be useful to others and you can definitely count on him.

His air Sun combined with a Virgo Moon intensifies his intellect, he's a very logical and analytical person, he challenges what's being told to him. He's someone who loves discussing new ideas, is a seeker of truth and fairness, and who also has a flair for original works.

With Libra being ruled by the planet of beauty and love - Venus, he is likely to admire loveliness in all its forms; in music, art, decoration, and people. He's just got that eye for beauty and aesthetics, he's gifted with imagination, flair, and enthusiasm. I could imagine he'd love to compose his own music at some point but he could hit some roadblocks on the way, his own perfectionism and overthinking getting in the way of his creativity. He's got a tendency to set very high standards for himself, and possibly others as well, he's very critical of himself and his work and might (secretly) struggle with his self-worth and self-esteem.

Both Libra and Virgo are signs that dislike anger, conflict and confrontation, so he might go along with someone else's opinion, even if he secretly disagrees, for the sake of keeping harmony. He's essentially a people-pleaser. He's gentle, friendly, and sympathetic with others, and despite having a more shy and reserved demeanor, he likes being around other people and working in a team, he's simply not a loner. He actually works best as part of a team (as Libra is the sign of partnerships), it's where he can do his best creative and intellectual work.

A struggle that comes with being so critical and having high standards, though, is being indecisive. Heeseung prefers to always weigh the pros and cons of every situation, he wants to make the perfect and fairest choice. He'd actually be able to intuitively know what the best choice is but then he starts intellectualizing the answer and might go off in the wrong direction. It's a typical overthinking thing where he doesn't fully trust his own intuition just yet, causing him to struggle with making decisions.

He's also likely to be pretty easygoing due to his Libra Sun, throw his Virgo placements and his Capricorn Mars into the mix, and he becomes very hardworking, diligent, ambitious with high goals, more fierce, magnetic, and maybe even commanding in the way he exerts his energy and shows his drive. His strength is definitely his endurance and stamina, he possesses a certain self-reliance and once he's committed to a goal, he won't back down until he gets to the finish line. He's strong-willed and possesses a big amount of self-control, seeing him break out into a fit of rage is likely very, very rare. With that being said, he tends to bottle up a lot and even though he might portray a strong front, there's likely to be a softer and more insecure and vulnerable him beneath the surface but he hides that part of himself, as he's scared of feeling vulnerable.

In matters of love, he could lack self-confidence and his shyness might really show. With a Virgo Venus along with his Virgo Moon, he's more of the reserved type and he might be very cautious about falling in love. The Virgo energies make him quite sceptical, so he will likely be very selective of who he lets into his world. He might even go as far as self-sabotaging his chances at love out of a fear of being taken advantage of. Nevertheless, if he does get into a relationship he will be a very committed, loyal, romantic and affectionate partner. He will romanticize every day life with you, leaving a little spark wherever he goes. Suddenly, doing chores around the house like cleaning up, or cooking with him could feel a lot sweeter and less burdensome. If he's your boyfriend, he wants you to be happy and he'll be always there to help you out in different ways. He might almost take on the role of a provider or even a parental figure, enjoying a practical and stable relationship. He wants you to feel safe with him, although his Virgo Venus - Capricorn Mars combination might make him a bit of a control freak, he's likely to enjoy order and routine, might even be a bit of a clean-freak and can tend to be nit-picky when there's too much chaos around him. This nature might also show in the way he'd treat you, he's likely to be a bit possessive and even deal with some feelings of jealousy.

✧･ﾟ:*Ideal Type✧･ﾟ:*

In his ideal partner, he's looking for someone who understands his worries, is empathetic, reassuring, and listens to his complaints. He's a lover of beauty but not exactly a flashy one, he loves natural beauties, people who just radiate a soft and natural charm. They don't have to get all dolled up for him all the time, he will always love them in their bare-faced, I-woke-up-like-this look. It's also okay with him if they lack confidence or are shy, it's endearing to him and makes him want to take care of them even more.

He will be very attracted to people who are hard-working, diligent, and determined to achieve their goals. A certain aura of professionalism and a classy look might catch his eye. With these placements, there might also be a tendency to be attracted to someone who is older than him.

Since his earth placements make him reserved and very controlled when it comes to his own emotions, he might feel attracted to someone who is more fiery in nature, someone who's not shy to express themselves and their emotions. They shouldn't be loud and boisterous, however, he does prefer someone who's more on the humble side. A big no-go would be someone without proper manners, someone who's rude, impolite and lacks integrity, as these virtues are important to him. He will definitely expect a lot from his partner, as he can be quite picky with whom he deems worthy of his love and time.

His ideal partner should be very attentive and only have eyes for him, he wants them to be romantic, expressive, and generous. Someone who's able to take him out of his shell and show him how to have fun. A plus would be someone who has an eye for art an aesthetics as well, as he finds creativity very attractive. Also, someone with a clean appearance and who's fashionable, someone who knows how to present themselves to the world.

disclaimer: I got this ask before I posted my rules/guidelines and I thought it would be interesting to try interpreting a chart from an idol I'm not familiar with. Maybe I got it all wrong, if so, I'm really sorry. From now on, I prefer to stick to the groups mentioned in my rules/guidelines.💞

[tomoonine]

[reaction] ateez having a little sister who is a successful idol

Can you do an ATEEZ reaction to their little sister being a successful idol? 💕 Thank you!

☽. a cute request!! thank you for sending this in, i had fun doing this (❁´◡`❁) if you enjoyed reading this, please check out more in my masterlist! requested: yes; anon word count: 1.5k words

[Hongjoong] —

It felt surreal to him, because Hongjoong could remember as if it were yesterday when you and him talked about what success meant for the both of you

He’d probably cry of happiness when you joyfully tell him that you’ve finally reached your dreams of success (and you’ll have to be the one to hold and comfort him at this point,,,)

Hongjoong would hug you tight and be so giddy, he’d be jumping in joy and even clapping his hands as he speaks to you

He’d tell you how happy he is, how proud he is, and how much he really wanted this for you

It made him remember all the struggles he faced as a trainee, especially when he was one of the only few KQ trainees back then; he never wanted you to go through too much of a difficult time

Hongjoong can find parallels of his life to yours, and seeing how successful you are now puts him at ease

It’s surreal, nostalgic even, but your happiness is enough to keep him happy and that’s all that matters

[Seonghwa] —

Seonghwa is a subtle fan, he would like to claim

Even if he’s updated with your group’s activities and on what the media says about you

Seonghwa thinks he’s subtle because he doesn’t always bring you up when he’s in public

And because he doesn’t talk about it often, it sometimes escapes Seonghwa’s mind that his younger sibling is actually a relatively successful idol

So much that he’ll still be shocked when he sees an article praising your skills and abilities

He isn’t surprised though, he knows you’re excellent it runs in your blood

Seonghwa as your proud brother, would always show you any articles that he comes across so he could boost your morale !!

He lets everyone’s testimonies convince that you’re doing well and that you’re a very capable person because he is a subtle fan

Even if he practically knows all your choreo, and is always the first to rush front when your songs play for a random dance

[Yunho] —

Yunho could vividly recall that, in your opinion, the peak of success would occur when other groups would begin to make covers of your songs

Since then, he’d constantly keep an eye out for any groups who would make covers of any kind; let it be dancing, singing, rapping, literally any of its kind

So on the day he chances upon a rookie group doing a dance cover of one of your more popular title track, he wastes no time to send a chat to you to share the news

You probably won’t reply immediately though, unless you’re sending keyboard smash because you can’t believe it????

You’re busy sharing the news to everyone around you in the dorm and Yunho is also busy sharing the news to everyone in ATEEZ, and everyone else can tell how happy he is by the way his eyes practically glimmer under the light

If you don’t reply soon though he’s going to be sad that you ignored your Big Bro but he doesn’t mind, he’s sharing the joy with you as you achieved such a big milestone uwu

You’ll see him post a dance cover of your song to celebrate, except he’ll post it without context and ATINYs will be left confused lmao

[Yeosang] —

Yeosang, throughout time, kept his family life relatively private so not a lot of people actually realized that you two were siblings

When both of you were training, he kept his distance so he could let you focus on your career (and so that he could focus as well)

Because of that, a lot of people believed that it might have been cold of him to do that as your older brother, but you digress

He was a silent caregiver, just by intuition he could sense when you were in distress and would send a text just as you were going to crumble under pressure and insecurity

Calls were always dedicated for times of vulnerability, and those were times where Yeosang can truly shine as the older brother you needed

Except this time, when you called him, it was to thank him for being with you until your current success, and it took Yeosang by surprise

It only dawns on him that you’ve actually reached greater heights, and he feels a bit sad that he was too busy to see that

Yeosang was always there during dark times, but seeing you touching the sky at the height of success makes him feel like all the times he spent guiding you in the dark were all worth it

[San] —

San?? He’s your number one hype man, and your biggest fan

I feel that out of 8 of them, he’d be the most vocal about your relationship as siblings

And he’d use every opportunity available to promote you, and with much more intensity compared to Yunho, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung

He always has selcas with you whenever you’re both at the same location

He’d share small stories about you and him during vlives, whether or not it was asked for in the chats

Maybe even play your songs in the live, both titles and b-sides

He’d tweet dance covers, and if there are dance challenges being promoted for your comeback, he’ll definitely post one as soon as he’s free

And if you think that that’s a lot, wait until special events like your birthday and siblings’ day

He’s going to treat you to food and he’ll pay, whether you like it or not

And aside from that, he’ll be ready with a special message for you: both on social media and on private messaging

He’s very affectionate as an older brother, but all that is love is to show you how proud he is

[Mingi] —

Mingi never forgets your schedules, especially your solo schedules

As your older brother, there really are times where he feels like he should worry more about you, but he can’t help but leave you to your own devices

He trusts you a lot, and he knows that you’re very capable on your own, especially if you’ve reached this far in your idol career

Regardless, it’s a worry that has plagued him often

But it didn’t stay that way for long, especially as he continues to watch the broadcast of the reality show you’re guesting in

You’re on your own in this reality show, and your solo appearance on this intelligence-related show was highly anticipated by everyone

Mingi watches you carry yourself with so much confidence, and even make witty remarks that elicits a laugh from every other host around you

And when he sees you meekly smile as the other guests compliment you, it makes him realize that you’re doing alright

He realizes that he has nothing to worry about, and he can’t help but feel that he’s been a good brother to you all these years

Especially when he sees you following his advice about showing aegyo when he continues watching the show

[Wooyoung] —

On the day you received your first music show win, Wooyoung was completely elated, head in the clouds, absolutely overjoyed

So much that he actually yelled so loudly that everyone from outside the practice hall could hear him

He was quite loud, but no one could stop a stage brother like him,,,

Practically everyone knows that you two are related, especially because with every waking moment he’d do his best to promote your group and it’s super endearing

In fact, if someone asked him what his favorite song was at the moment, he’d usually reply with the most recent title track you released

For every achievement you attain, and every milestone you and your group reach, he’s always there to congratulate you and remind you how proud he is uwu

This is no different, achieving your first win is a big success, so you’re definitely going to expect another call from him once your activities for the day are over

And it will begin with a shrill shriek from his side of the line, as his calls were always like (loud, endearingly loud, and filled with love)

[Jongho] —

When you tell Jongho your recent achievements, he’d be just as proud of you as everyone else!!

Although, unlike the others, I think he would feel a bit guilty for all the times he would discourage you from joining the idol industry

Hearing you talk reminded him so much about those times where he would watch over your actions, and he understands that it must have been a bad move for him to that

More so when he would discourage you from achieving your dreams to be a successful idol

But don’t get him wrong, it’s because he knows what it’s like to be training at such a young age

And being the youngest member of ATEEZ made him realize how difficult it must be for people much younger than him to be undegoing such pressures

At the height of your success, he’d apologize for his earlier remarks, especially if they hurt you and actually made you unhappy

Regardless of your response to his apology, he’ll show a better side of him; one that would support you and your endeavors

All so he could make up for all the times he worried and doubted you at the beginning

[meliakim]

Tae Day

Mun has a day out with Tae when she visited them in NYC on tour.

“The other members don’t get as excited about art museums as I do, so I’m glad you’re here,” Taehyung said to Mun as they walked up to the entrance of the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. “Thank you for spending your day off with me! Not that you had much of a choice,” Mun said with a laugh, as all the other members were busy at the recording studio working on their parts for their next album. “I wouldn’t have chosen anything else over this,” he said with a boxy smile as the pair entered the museum and got their tickets.

Tae and Mun, along with the bodyguard trailing their every move, walked through each of the exhibits. They took their time doing so, making quiet comments here and there, some that were insightful and some that were humorous, causing them to laugh quietly amongst themselves. “Some of this art I can appreciate… but what is this?” Mun said with a chuckle pointing to what looked like a pile of trash, causing Tae to giggle as well.

“Mun-ah! Look!” Tae said excitedly as they entered one hall of paintings. “It’s Van Gogh!” he added as they approached Van Gogh’s famous “Starry Night” painting. “Oh my goodness, I NEED a picture with this one!” Mun said, giving her phone to take her picture. Tae smiled to himself as he noticed the RJ phone case that Seokjin gave him for Christmas last year. It was obviously intended for Mun’s phone, so he had no choice but to give it to her, which he didn’t mind… later on, Seokjin did give him a real present to make up for it.

After taking a photo of Mun, Tae rotated the camera and took a selfie of the both of them with the painting in the background before a stranger, who didn’t seem to recognize Tae, offered to take a photo of the both of them. “Thank you,” Mun said to her in English as they both looked at the phone to see how the photo turned out. “Cute,” Mun said simply with a smile before they continued to walk through the gallery.

After a few hours, they finally managed to look through every gallery and room, so they headed out of the MOMA onto the busy streets of NYC. “Man, I’m starving… you want to grab some food? I know Central Park is nearby, we could bring our food there to eat!” Mun suggested, to which Taehyung agreed. “Let’s get burgers, since we’re in America after all,” he said as they walked down the sidewalk to a burger shop at one corner.

Like Mun suggested, after getting their food, they walked a few blocks until they reached Central Park, which was pretty empty for a weekday. They walked through, looking for a good place to sit, and as they did so, without really thinking, they locked arms together, which they did on occasion. Neither thought anything of it, until Tae recalled a small argument he had with Seokjin just the day before about it.

“Hyung! I promise you that locking arms with Mun means nothing! She views me as a brother, and to me she is a sister… nothing more,” he said to Seokjin. “You don’t even know that for sure though, you may be leading her on or something!” Seokjin whined in reply. Hobi, who was present during the argument, decided to chime in and give his opinion on the matter. “Jin-hyung, you wouldn’t be worrying about it if you would just ask her out already!” he retorted.

“Aish, Hobi-ah, you know why I can’t do that! We’re in the middle of a tour… a long tour. How can I expect her to be willing to keep a relationship with me if I’m so far away? She deserves better than that!” he replied to them. “Jin-hyung… I love Mun… but not the same way you do. I love her the same way I love my own sister, and I hold her hand all the time,” Tae said. Hobi shrugged and said, “true, I hold my sister’s hand as well.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so possessive over her anyways… it shouldn’t bother me, it’s not like she’s my girlfriend or anything,” Seokjin said with a sigh. “And whose fault is that?” Hobi retorted with a smirk, causing Seokjin to fake-slap him. “I’m serious though, hyung. If I had any inclination that Mun and I saw each other in any other way besides family, I wouldn’t speak another word to her… for your sake,” Tae said to his hyung.

Tae and Mun found a nice picnic table in the shade and decided to eat their burgers there. As they took a seat across from each other, Tae continued to think about Seokjin… He didn’t want to do anything to hurt his hyung, so he decided to bite the bullet and ask Mun the weird question, just to be 100% certain her feelings were the same as his. “Mun? Can I ask you a weird question?” he asked. She nodded and said, “of course! What’s up?” as she took a bite from her burger.

“Today… wasn’t a date or anything, was it?” he asked her, causing her heart to skip a beat. She certainly didn’t see it as one, but she was now afraid that maybe he did… she had grown quite fond of Tae, and she didn’t want to upset him by friend-zoning him, but at the same time, she had to tell him the truth. “To be honest… I didn’t see today as a date… I- I like someone else,” she said, shyly, worried she was sharing more than she had to.

“Not that I don’t like you!! I really do like you, but not… I really only see you as… like a brother,” she said, feeling her face get hot, worried that she was hurting one of her best friends’ feelings as she spoke, tripping over her words. She looked up at Tae’s face to see his reaction, and she saw a look of relief on his face. “Don’t worry, I think of you as my sister… in fact, you kind of remind me of her,” he said, hoping to relieve her of her current stress.

Mun sighed a sigh of relief and said, “don’t scare me like that! I was afraid I was going to hurt your feelings or something!!” She took a bite of her burger as Tae chuckled and then took a bite of his. “So… who do you like, then?” he asked after swallowing, causing Mun’s face to heat up. She looked at him with a face that seemed hesitant to answer. “What? You don’t trust your own brother? I won’t tell anyone!” he said to her truthfully.

Mun hid her face with her hands embarrassedly, then after a few grunts said, “promise me you won’t tell anyone,” to which Tae nodded and said, “I promise.” This was the first time she was admitting her feelings to anyone besides her own sister, so she was nervous. “I like… Seokjinie,” she finally managed to say, immediately bringing out Tae’s boxy smile as he clapped his hands excitedly. “I knew it!!!” he said, satisfied with her answer.

“What? How? Am I that obvious?” she asked, embarrassedly, causing her companion to chuckle. “Just call it a brother’s intuition… You’re always especially cute around him!!” he said, smiling at her. “I can tell he’s so soft towards you, but he’s still in denial to his own feelings… he’ll come around eventually,” he said, reassuringly, knowing that she would never be the one to make the first move.

She smiled over at her friend, glad that they were so close and that they could be perfectly honest with each other. As they finished up their food and got up to leave the park, Mun locked her arm with his as she did so often. “Thank you for everything, Tae… I had so much fun getting to hang out with just the two of us! I think I’d like to have Tae Day more often!” she said with a chuckle. He patted her arm affectionately and said, “thanks for settling to hang out with your brother since Seokjin-hyung was busy,” winking at her, so satisfied that he knew about their mutual pining for each other.

[the-wlw-cafe]

Gifts Like These (Lena Luthor x Reader)

Request: Reader slowly coming to the realization that her boss, Lena Luthor, is and has been totally acting like the reader’s sugar daddy ever since she applied for a Job at L-Corp

Fandom: Supergirl

Warnings: one piddly little curse word

Word Count: 2180

It started out perfectly professional, innocent, even.

It started out with Lena Luthor, your boss of not more than four months asking you to accompany her to a fancy National City gala, for strictly work-related purposes, of course.

 “I-, gosh, I...Miss Luthor, are you sure you want me of all people to accompany you?”

High society isn’t exactly your metier, to put it lightly. You weren’t raised among them, and from what little contact you’ve had with them as Miss Luthor’s assistant, you’re glad for it. They barely seem to notice you, and when they do, they expect you to bend to their will, to simply make Miss Luthor be available when you’ve already told them that your boss is not seeing any unannounced visitors, no matter how important they believe themselves to be. You can’t stand most of them, L-Corp’s rivals and allies alike.

“We’ve got that in common already, then”, she says, flashing you a bright grin, after you’ve told her about your feelings towards them. You don’t think you would have dared to ever be so open with any other boss, but she’s told you from day one to never be afraid to speak your mind, and she’s told you a bunch of times after, too, until the message sank in.

“But in all seriousness, (Y/N), this gala is going to be chock full of ruthless businesspeople trying to scope out the competition, intimidate newcomers...and L-Corp is going to seem like a perfect target to them, me being the youngest Luthor, inexperienced and a woman to top it all off.”

“They’re underestimating you.” There’s no doubt about it in your mind.

“Of course they are”, Miss Luthor agrees, “but I’ll still be in hostile territory. I need someone at my side, someone I can trust, to be my extra set of eyes and ears.”

There’s something bitter in her voice when she says the word trust, and honestly, you can’t blame her. She’s already been betrayed so often, by her own assistants, by friends, by family...

The fact that she’s ready to rely on you that much is already baffling to you.

“You can count on me, Miss Luthor”, you find yourself saying before you even have the chance to think it through. Miss Luthor almost seems almost as surprised as you.

“Oh! Oh, good. I’ll have my driver pick you up in advance.” She thanks you, and turns to leave, but at that exact moment your brain catches up to you and to what you just agreed.

“Miss Luthor, wait! I...I don’t have anything to wear for an occasion like this...”

You can feel blood rush to your cheeks in embarrassment.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, (Y/N). We’ll figure something out.”

 When Lena said she’d figure something out, you’d thought something along the line of you giving her your measurements and she sending you something to wear the day before the gala would happen. Never in your lifetime would you have expected to be leaning against the full body mirror in the changing room of a boutique, one of the really fancy ones with an impeccably dressed security guard in front of the door. A security guard who seemed to have had some doubts about someone like you sullying this establishment with your working class shoes, but didn’t dare voice them after Miss Luthor shot him a withering glare.

You tried on dress after dress and suit after suit, feeling uncomfortable at first, and embarrassed when Miss Luthor had to pull at your clothes to make them sit right on your frame. Embarrassed and very concerned at the fact that in this exact moment your brain chose to make you aware of the fact that wow, she smells really good and gosh, she’s so pretty.

But you get the hang of it, eventually, both of the clothes and your rapid, irregular heartbeat, and you start actually enjoying yourself, which in turn seems to brighten Miss Luthor’s smile even more as she eagerly appraises every outfit you try on, pointing out when an outfit “really brings out the colour of your eyes” or “fits you perfectly”.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to two outfits you just can’t seem to decide between, so you turn to Miss Luthor for her professional opinion.

“Well, if it’s so difficult to decide, why not get them both?”

You actually choke on air as she says this.

“Miss Luthor”, you cough, “I think I might have to live off of packaged noodles and tap water for a month to afford even one, let alone two!”

Miss Luthor shoots you a puzzled look, and the resulting pause gives you just enough time to catch your breath, before her next words make you inevitably lose it again:

“Oh, (Y/N), I’m not going to make you pay for these!”

You gape at her. The possibility that you might have fainted the second she asked you to accompany her to the gala and that your boutique-related escapades were caused by the resulting comatose dreams seems increasingly likely.

“Miss Luthor...I couldn’t possibly-“

“It’s Lena, darling. I can’t have my date to the gala address me ass Miss Luthor.”

 You’re not quite sure how you manage to keep upright after this sentence turns your knees to jelly.

 It starts with the gala, but it doesn’t end there.

 (The gala itself surprisingly enjoyable, probably owed in no small part to the company present – Miss Lu - Lena never leaves your side during the whole evening, she seems to intuit whenever you need a break from all the rich, stuffy strangers eyeing you with anything from disinterest to unabashed judgement. You do get compliments for your outfit – quite a lot of them backhanded, probably – but they all pale in comparison to Lena telling you in a breathy voice that you look absolutely stunning.)

 But even after the gala, Lena doesn’t stop giving you gifts. Horribly expensive gifts, even. For your the holidays it’s a reservation for you and a plus one of your choosing at one of National City’s most esteemed restaurants. You end up going with your best friend, and as you arrive it turns out that not only did Lena get you the reservation, she seems to have bought out the entire restaurant so you and your friend can eat undisturbed.

For your birthday, it’s a stunning pair of (Y/E/C) earrings. You’re so flustered you drop them twice while stammering your thanks, so Lena has to affix them to your ears with her slender, nimble fingers herself.

On her next business trip to Zürich, Switzerland, she insists on taking you with her. Well, she doesn’t so much insist as gently ask you and you jump at the opportunity. And that is how end up next to your boss and secret crush in the dreamy-soft cushions of her high-tech private jet, sharing some iced champagne. You know Lena doesn’t care for flying much, and she does look even paler than usual as the jet lurches forward, gains speed rapidly on the asphalt track before finally taking off, so you try and distract her by talking about anything and everything, yourself, your hobbies, a dog you saw yesterday...

You think Lena knows what you’re doing, and if the grateful smile she shoots you is any indication, she appreciates you trying.

After a few glasses of champagne she is starting to become more talkative, and a cute, fait blush has spread across her cheekbones. She gestures animatedly as she tells you about all the things she has planned, showing you around the city, taking you out to the fanciest restaurants. As much as it sounds like heaven to you, it also makes you think. Lena never liked to spend much time away from L-Corp, trying to cut her business trips abroad as short as possible. In fact, you remember multiple occasions on which she asked you to book her flight back on the same day her business meeting was set to conclude, despite your protests that such a strict timetable was far too stressful and she deserved a proper night’s sleep. But this time, she had planned a stay of a week – a whole week! – in Zürich, and the only tangible difference between this trip and all the others is, well, you. Which means that she was doing all of that for your sake, going way out of her comfort zone for your sake...and you can’t for the life of you figure out why. Well, you have one theory...and it’s sad, it’s terrible, and you have to stop it in its tracks.

What if Lena thought she had to buy your loyalty with gifts?

“(Y/N)?”

Her soft voice and a gentle touch of her hand over yours shake you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Lena, I was just...” You were just what? Second-guessing every interaction you two have had up until now? Lena is smiling at you, patiently waiting for you to finish your line of thought.

“I was just wondering...”, you take a deep breath, “why are you doing this?”

You heart clenches as you see Lena’s smile drip from her face like icy water.

“I-I’m sorry?”

This might be the first time you’ve ever heard her stutter.

“I just...I just don’t know why you insist on buying all of this stuff for me.”

Lena’s hand slowly retreats from yours as she sinks back into her seat. You instantly miss its warmth.

“I – shit, I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable, (Y/N). I always thought I’d stop before it got too much, before I got too overbearing, I never meant to cross that line, I promise.”

“Lena, hey, it’s okay. You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I just need you to know that you don’t need to do this. You don’t need to buy my loyalty, I’m already on your side. Always.”

Lena leans towards you again, her brow furrowed, her eyes wet.

“Is that what you think I was doing?”

You shrug, helplessly. “I don’t know why you would waste so much money on me otherwise.”

She closes her eyes, sighing deeply, and you can almost see her shrink into herself in front of your very eyes.

“You’re really going to make me spell it out for you, are you?”

She carries on before you can even answer, and her next sentence knocks all of the air straight out of your lungs.

“I have feelings for you, (Y/N), I’ve had them for a very long time. And believe me, I know how inappropriate it is, and I’d never, ever try to manipulate you into anything you don’t want, but...you deserve so, so much, (Y/N). You’re one of the best, kindest, most loyal people I know, and even if I can’t be with you, I just wanted to give you a fraction of what you deserve.”

All of that pours out of her at such an incredible speed you have to take a few moments to catch up.

“You...have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?”, you ask, unsure if you can believe your ears.

“I do. And I understand if you can’t continue working for me anymore now that you know, and I’ll make sure you find employment somewhere –“

“Lena. Hey. Don’t get ahead of yourself”, you say, as softly as you can, and this time it’s you placing a hand on top of Lena’s. You squeeze her hand gently, to reassure both her and yourself, as you’re still not quite sure this is really happening. Nobody can be this lucky.

“My point from before still stands”, you continue. “You don’t need to buy me gifts, you already have me, if you want me.”

Lena’s openly crying now, and she’s looking at you like she can’t quite believe you’re real.

“(Y/N), are you sure? I’m your boss, and I’m a Luthor, and –“

“None of that scares me”, you whisper, cupping Lena’s cheek in your free hand to brush away a wayward tear with your thumb. “Not when I’m with you.”

You’re not sure who leans in first, you or Lena, or if it’s some strange magnetism between you two, but your lips brush hers and it’s soft and perfect and it’s just...heaven. Both of you don’t think of anything but each other on the long, long flight to Zürich.

 Lena still insists on taking you out to that horribly expensive restaurant, even though you try to insist that she really doesn’t have to.

“I’m not trying to bribe you into staying, I’d never manipulate you like that. It’s just...” she breaks off, blushing furiously and avoiding your gaze, “I like it. I enjoy spoiling you. I’d do it every day, if you’d let me.”

And it makes you blush, too, it makes you imagine having Lena treat you to fancy food and spa days and exclusive clubs and showing you off on her arm, and yeah, that sounds like heaven, too.

 (“So does that mean you’re my sugar mama?”, you ask her cheekily, making her groan and bury her face in her hands.)

[monomonomagines]

Could I please request scenarios with a female ultimate poet s/o with the THH girls (and Tenko, if you’re okay with that) where she writes them love poems! Thank you!

Sorry, anon! As much as I wanted to include Tenko, the limit for characters is 8 at a time. However, if you'd like to request the same scenario with Tenko individually once we reopen the ask box feel free to. I’m sorry again for this and if the Junko scenario isn’t the best. I tried to make these as happy as possible but with Junko it’s a little difficult. 

Anyways, I hope you still enjoy it and if I goofed big time feel free to tell me. 

Sayaka

Before dating Sayaka first though the poems she received were from some huge fan of hers.

Because of wanting to focus on being an idol though she'd try not to get too attached to those words that captured her heart.

She was an idol. That was her dream. She'd do anything to reach her dreams and now she was being grounded by your words.

It wouldn't be until she approached her locker and found a love poem slipped in that she'd know there was no denying it.

She was in love with you and the words you wrote for her.

She'd be determined in finding out who exactly you are if you didn't leave a name and would have an easy time with doing so by using her charm and intuition.

Once she'd find you she'd confront you, wanting to know if you really meant every word and when you'd confirm she wouldn't be able to blush as she replies with her own confession.

She'd love your poems so much she'd be the one to ask for you to make more about her.

Celeste

Celeste would be one of the few girls to know about you from your published poems already.

She'd be a huge fan of any that fit her elegant gothic vampire style and would desire for you to write one for her.

She's a huge fan of being revered so what better way than with a poem that fits her aesthetic perfectly.

Once she'd receive it in writing though she might not be able to contain herself.

Still keeping her usual poker face she'd excuse herself for the time being until she'd become more rational with her thoughts. However, she wouldn't be able to stop rereading your words over and over.

You knew her too well it felt. Maybe it was just the powers of being the ultimate poet but she ended up falling in love with each line and so much more.

She'd make you hers at any cost. Immediately calling for you to meet her at a discreet location so that she could confess.

She like Sayaka wants more poems about her but would be a lot more pushy about it. It wouldn't sound it but her sweet words would still have a hidden edge to them.

"Dear, I know you have other poems to work on but would you write another one about my likeness to a "beautiful vampire queen" as you put it?"

Sakura

Normally pure strength and kindness was the way to Sakura's heart and yet your words held so much within them that she was blown away.

She wasn't used to many people treating her like a woman but there on her desk was a beautiful poem and rose laying in wait.

At first, she was sure it was simply a mistake. None of that was meant for her and then she saw the name on the envelope, "Sakura Oogami".

She felt her eyes widen and her hands tremble as she processed each word, realizing that somehow it felt like her defenses were down.

She wanted to treat you in a romantic way as well but she thought that she could focus on that once she told you that your words won her over.

"Your words give me strength, S/o please allow me to protect you with this new feeling. I promise to keep you safe."

Aoi

This bright and cheery girl easily wins people over with her winning personality and smile but it isn't always as easy to win her over.

Yes, she's very trusting and friendly but she doesn't just fall in love with anyone.

You'd be one of her friends actually before anything else when she'd start liking you.

She just is the type to let someone else notice and will get a bit frustrated when you don't.

It's good she's quick to forgive you or else there'd be issues.

She wouldn't realize you'd feel the same until she'd happen to pick up a poem you were working on that fell to the ground and her eyes happened to pick up her name on the page.

Were you writing something dumb about her or?

She'd immediately read it and refuse to give it back, immediately hugging you to her when she realizes.

"Awwww! S/o, why didn't you tell me sooner!? I've liked you for like forever!"

Toko

The way to this girl's heart is great writing or being a rich aristocratic douchebag so you have the first as an advantage.

Maybe you weren't a literary genius in the same exact sense as Toko but you knew she'd fall in love with your romantic poems once she read them.

It was another day that Toko allowed you to ask her for her opinion on some poems that you decided to slip in the one confessing your feelings and once she encountered it you could visibly tell.

She got stiff, her hands trembled, and her face turned red. It was cute but it also made you worried.

The poor girl looked like she was ready to faint when her normally shaky voice croaked out an, "You like me? Are you t-trying to screw with m-me!?"

It'd take quite a few explanations before she'd believe but once she'd know you're serious she'd get all giggly and bashful.

"F-fine...I guess yo-you're kind of cute in an ugly way."

Her vulgar tongue would not change but she'd still be nicer.

Mukuro

Mukuro wasn't used to a lot of kindness being shown to her with Junko being her sister so she'd have fallen for you as soon as you helped her out with some assignments in class.

She loved how kind you were but even with her feelings for you would be unsure of how to approach them.

Regardless she'd try to be close to you even if it was just as acquaintances or friends.

She didn't expect you to like her back so when you asked her to listen to you practicing reciting some new poems of yours she nearly choked when she realized that one of them was about her.

It was about her and you in a romantic sense, and she couldn't have been happier as soon as she put the pieces together.

She'd immediately embrace you quietly thanking you and telling you that she feels the same.

Junko

Junko has always been a bit eccentric you could say, but it never really bothered you.

You'd normally just bounce off of each other whenever you spoke so you'd immediately attract her attention.

You didn't seem like anyone else. You had feelings for her obviously, she knew that but it wasn't the same as any other person that did.

She wanted to know how you'd act. She wanted to see how you'd confess.

She had her own hunch about what you'd do so when you sent her a love poem to her in her shoe locker she wasn't surprised. She knew that this would happen but it made her so happy.

She was planning on rejecting you to make herself feel more despair but for some reason, before she could even comprehend her own actions she instead ran to find you and confess her own feelings.

"I knew you liked me from the start, S/o."

She would tease you but the gears in her head would still be going long after you two start dating. Why couldn't she bring herself to throw you away in the name of despair?

Kyoko

Like most of these girls, Kyoko would have to already have feelings for you for a confession to work.

She’d have been your friend for a while when you’d set up a mystery for her to solve. 

The reward, being a poem of yours. 

As soon as she’d first lay on eyes on it she’d assume it’s just another clue in your mock investigation and start reading it.

However, as she gets through more and more of the lines she ends up turning bright red. 

She would be so embarrassed but would quickly recover telling you her own feelings. 

“I love you S/o. You’re always so kind and passionate. I don’t know why everyone else doesn’t feel the same way I do but I’m glad that they don’t and that you chose me.”

As kind as her words are she won’t emote too well but you will catch sight of a rare smile on her face. 

[gg-astrology]

so i dont know if you’re still doing detailed astrology analysis on kpop stars but i’ve started to develop the biggest crush on christian yu so i would like to know your thoughts on his chart because you’re the only astrology account i trust on this app. love u :)

Hey there!! 💓💗💞 I haven’t been doing it in a while huh but I just searched him up and he seems v interesting!! ;; 💓💗💞💓💗💞 Am sorry I literally know nothing about him BUT I just searched him up and he seems to be v popular on ig??? and he used to be in c-clown but that’s literally it?? so i’m coming in blind ;; 💓💗💞💓💗💞I’ll do my best!! 💓💗💞💓💗💞 Ps. I’m glad you!! like the account um!!! ;; 💓💗💞💓💗💞 I don’t go out on the tags so I have no idea what’s going on in the? astro social world on tumblr anymore but i’m sure they may be? great astro acc out there!! but thank u!! 💓💗💞💓💗💞

Christian Yu - Brief Look ⬇️

Sun/Moon opposition with Virgo/Pisces, talent triangles between his Scorpio Pluto/Capricorn Saturn (and outer planets)/Virgo Sun/Mercury - Gemini Mars AND Leo Venus that’s inconjunct to his Pisces Moon wow!! 💓💗💞💓💗💞

So I’ll walk you through, notice his Virgo Sun/Mercury and Gemini Mars? They’re squares but that also means he’s amazing at relaying his thoughts/personal opinions (esp. with combust mercury) even though it frustrates him sometimes. He probably does his best, or constantly try to strive for his best at self-expression even though it frustrates him to come back and think about it. At certain times, because it’s in opposition to his Pisces Moon (that seems to be a bucket handle/singleton) he may often process this emotionally. Virgo/Pisces can be quite hard on themselves, but with time (i’m sure he’s learnt) that self-management helps him work through his mental state better. More so than that, the re-occuring theme Virgo/Pisces (anyone else with this) has to look out for is the sudden anxiety of coming back online or feeling the need/obligation to do so for others. Dependability even when - like, when they were doing it, they think ‘hey this is nothing like what i was worried about lol it’s actually v relaxing/fun to do!’ - or just, y know meeting someone for the first time in a while can make them anxious because there’s expectations they set on themselves to do well. However, he DOES have a Leo Venus/Gemini Mars and Capricorn Saturn - so what this does is quell some of the anxiety a bit- like ‘ah fuck it! let’s just do it!’ tends to help a lot with cardinally getting shit done. I mentioned Leo Venus/Gemini Mars bc they’re squared- talking about action, the idea of just doing something and getting it done provided also by Capricorn Saturn - trusting in the security/stability of what was already established- tends to help with that mutable energy/anxiety once you’ve tuned in on how to use it! 💓💗💞

For those who may - also- suffer from mutable anxiety- literally just do something and keep an open-mind. Things will turn out for the better, tune into that flippable energy that allows you to be on your toes and handle a situation as it comes. There is less of a chance of a situation that you won’t know how to handle than there is one where you can work it out on the fly. AND it turning out better than over-thinking it! If you suffer from your mouth being loose and regretting it later - turn that emotional shame/embarrassment into a conscious goal - like a thought - ‘ok im NOT going to do that next time and be conscious of doing THIS instead, as it sets my foot on the right path and THEN i can run with it’ -- this can tend to help adopt a better habit/routine and ALSO make you utilize YOUR energy in an efficient way!! 

Ok so, back to him. Virgo/Pisces sun-moon. Let’s get it. I don’t think his Leo Venus would? allow him to think about these things consciously. Being true to himself is key (more about that later) but underlying everything/decisions -  there’s a core/stem of - Is he doing enough? Is it emotionally true? Is he being sincere/genuine or was it him striving for practicality/reality of the situation? Pisces Moon has a sensitive touch to self-expression, so these things ‘ringing true’ or somewhat ‘true’ gives him the emotional releases he needs. If it doesn’t - then occasionally it’ll drive the person up the wall with how ‘genuine’ (or calling themselves ‘disingenuous’) they’re being (or striving to be). They want to do their best, and with that Virgo in mind, he’s probably constantly trying to perform his best no matter if it’s in his daily life or something else.

Another cool thing to note is also Virgo/Leo in a person- they tend to be more ‘ah fuck it’ about certain things. A problem they can’t solve (on paper/text-book?) even with research? Take a break. It’ll come. There’s solutions to stuff, but with the practicality of Virgo and with the instinctive self-assessment of Leo - they can APPEAR to be something but is actually rather chill and laid-back about it. Certain things that people drive themselves up the wall over- they tend to learn life-lessons and in not over-stressing themselves, and trying to find the best/practical solution instead (think efficient not hard) - even if that Leo can be lazy but ALSO work hard when it FEELS like it wants to.  

That ties into Leo Venus now, with Leo Venus squaring Gemini Mars (even though it’s out of sign) - he may strive to be a person who walks the walk, not just talk the talk. This is more of a personal goal/attention in detail to keep in mind- from like, an internal point of view. This Leo Venus can talk about desire to be true to the self, and if it’s squaring Gemini Mars- sometimes it may feel like what he’s saying doesn’t completely align- unless he’s obstinate enough to think he believes in what he says and roll with the punch/oblivious to it anyways. And thus working on perfecting that, remedying or contributing to saying what it is he can back up is important. Not just this- but with Capricorn Saturn trine to his Sun/Mercury - he has his head set in building a sincere, concrete and reliable ‘realness’ in his personality and public respect. Self-expression IS key, especially with Leo/Pisces in his personal placement and luminary. Most likely, it’s about the intuition and does it ‘feel’ right part of himself that can drive him forward. As that Pisces is also his bucket handle, and thus everything he does - all of his placements, as assessed/have to pass through that Pisces Moon in order for it to express itself openly. 

Integrity is also a key thing for Leo Venus especially, considering Venus talks about relationships and other people. Seeing this in others is important, the idea of walking the walk and talking the talk. Certain people who only flaunts/talks about certain things, or are one-dimensional in their ideas/thinking can be frustrating to be around. Especially with someone who has Capricorn Saturn, Virgo Sun/Mercury, Scorpio Pluto aspected to those two and a Leo Venus. Show off your colors but care more about the things underneath, whats the idea underneath it and does it shine through in their self-expression? There’s genuinity that drives him forward, as well as intellectual property of something- it’s potential/what to do with it. These things are important, and it’s what ‘dazzles’ the Leo Venus to be attracted to these ideas/concept because it allows space for them to share these things with like-minded or people they can communicate with on a ‘real’ level. But these are - y know- people, so it’s hard to find and also very circumstantial!!! 

Anyways. More about him. Capricorn Saturn. Being treated and trusted as someone who is stable/credited as genuine or real to the best of his ability/what he perceive is lacking from others/the world is important. And often with Virgo Sun/Mercury - relaying it down into words/written can often help with that. It’s also a part of a talent triangle he has. It aspects his Capricorn Uranus/Neptune as well - but I’ll talk about Saturn since it’s? more of an impact/important. 

Capricorn Saturn/Virgo Sun-Mercury we talk about realness right? Reputable, doesn’t matter if it’s a slow start as long as it’s genuine and built by their own genuinity and sincerity. Scorpio Pluto adds to this with it’s sextile position to both of these placements - sometimes it’s about seeing/analyzing and observing what IS lacking from the ‘truth’ of the world and making sure the Capricorn/Virgo adds influence to that. The fire venus certainly adds to it’s flame- wanting to show it’s genuine desire to be ‘it self’ (and is itself, but more importantly to be accepted as itself) - whilst Gemini Mars is the outlet- keeps it on the toes, on his feet. Working on it. Say what’s need to be said, sometimes- unexpectedly or without realizing the consequences. BUT it’s sextile to Jupiter in Leo - thus, it probably often works out. When it’s said with the subtext of teaching someone how to be truer to themselves or self-expression. 

There’s a strive/desire to make changes happen coming from that talent triangle, Scorpio Pluto as the apex working with his Virgo Sun/Mercury’s natural talent and focus on those desires. If you can imagine- if Scorpio Pluto focuses and zooms into perspectives/pov at hand, analyzes and collects what needs to be done with it - then this sextile to the Virgo Sun/Mercury helps form a clearly analytically strong- and often opinionated/constructive thought/expression in order for it to be expressed out into the world. They’re often intelligent, but also tends to not - notice or realize this about themselves? Things closer to the Sun are often blinded by it’s light. The Ego can often make things personal without one realizing it’s tied to it. Changes happens, whether it’s in his expression or something else. Because it affects other people’s lives as well, perhaps those in need (Capricorn/Leo honestly) 

But.. yeah!  💓💗💞 That’s all I have for now.. here’s the chart I pulled up to use below, no birthtime ;; but yes! 💓💗💞 Sorry I don’t -- know him well so I can’t speak much specifically on what? he does or something. But I hope this is ok!! 💓💗💞 Thanks for asking! 💓💗💞

[spectraspecs-writes]

Kashyyyk - Chapter 79 (Jolee, Juhani)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 78. Chapter 80.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——————

As I head towards the medbay, I think I hear Bastila mumbling. And Jolee mumbling back, their voices are hushed. But when I enter the room, the talking stops. Wow, that’s a weird feeling. “Don’t stop on my account, I’m just here to look at the bump on my head.”

“The conversation was finished, anyway,” Jolee says nonchalantly. Which I doubt, but Bastila leaves so whatever. 

I start looking for something to tend to my head. “What were you talking about, anyway?”

“Eh, you know the story,” he says, “Young impressionable Jedi meets old man with lightsaber and asks him to share his great wisdom. Ha!” That, I buy. That sounds very much in-character for Bastila. “Asking about avoiding the Dark Side, what lessons I had for her, yadda yadda yadda.”

“Yeah, she bugs me about that, too,” I say, “Frankly if you can get her off my back, I’ll be grateful for it. She gets pushy sometimes.”

“I can tell she means well,” he says, “but even so, ‘pushy’ is a good word for it. And I’ve only known her for a day.”

“Kinda makes you regret tagging along, huh?” He chuckles. I find what I’m looking for and get to tending my head. “You never did say why you wanted to come.”

“No, I never did, did I?” he says with a cryptic smile.

“Are you always going to be this elusive?” I ask.

“Elusive? Me, elusive?” he repeats incredulously, “Obviously you've never tried to grab a Twi'lek dancing girl after drinking too much Ondaran willek juice.”

“As a matter of fact, I have.”

He laughs. “At any rate,” he says, “I already told you why I wanted to leave. I've seen everything I wanted to on Kashyyyk. Time to go, time to move on.”

“Move on to where?”

“To bed!” he says without hesitation, “I’m old and tired, you know.”

“Waking up before dawn will do that to you.”

He laughs again, shortly. “Your wit is a relief after all these years,” he says. “How many kilometer-high trees can you find an interest in before you figure you've had enough?” he continues, “I'd bet you can't be bothered to stay in one room for more than fifteen minutes. And then there's all the critters in the Shadowlands.” He shudders a bit, before handing me a small kolto patch. “Use that, it’ll take the swelling down,” he says, before finishing, “I'm just happy to be back in space, doing something new. Is that too much to ask?”

“You could have done that on your own,” I say.

“So I could,” he agrees, “Not having a ship does tend to put a damper on that kind of idea, however.”

“You could have bartered your way onto a Czerka ship or a merchant vessel.”

He shrugs. “I'll admit, for all its flaws, Kashyyyk was home enough. But when you came along and I saw the destiny you had before you, I couldn't help but be intrigued.”

I scoff. “You’re telling me you know what my destiny is?”

“Of course not. Weren't you listening this morning?” he says, “I can see that you have a destiny before you… but the details are far from clear.” He shifts a bit, like he’s trying to get a better look at me. “In fact,” he says, “everything about you that I can see is odd. Slightly off, as if my eyes are trying to trick me. Something…  something is very dark about you…” Well, that shit is ominous as hell. And why isn’t he talking anymore? You can’t just leave a statement like that hanging in mid-air like that, dude! “Bah!” he suddenly says, and I jump from the surprise of it, “I'm sure you don't need to hear my ruminations. You've probably got enough nosy Jedi offering you one opinion after another to make you sick.”

“Well, yes, but you can’t just tell me you see something dark and not tell me any more!”

“Your future will come of its own accord,” he says, trying to get me to relax, “Trust me. Sometimes navel-gazing at it doesn't get you anywhere. And I wouldn't worry about it too much, if I were you. You remind me a bit of Nomi” - he laughs a little - “and that can't be all bad.”

“Nomi?”

“Nomi Sunrider,” he says, reminiscing, “She came late to the Force, just as you have, and became one of the greatest Jedi ever. Oh, fine, fine lass.” Sounds like when he talks about love, he’s speaking from experience. “Whether you'll follow the same path remains to be seen. For one thing, we'll never get anywhere if you stand around chatting up old men all day. I’d almost say this little escapade reminds me of my adventuring times before the war, if we didn’t stand around so much. What’s keeping you? You’re too young to be this talkative. Your head is tended - shoo! Shoo!”

“Oh, because the medbay is your jurisdiction, now, is it?”

“I’m old, I’m allowed to camp out wherever I please,” he says, ushering me away, but smiling the whole time.

-------

The thirteen hours back to Tatooine are relatively boring. I did a bit of tinkering with HK, recovered some memories about his owner before the senator on Coruscant. He served as an assassin droid for a Hutt. (The Hutts didn’t build him, which means I’m still trying to get to the bottom of that mystery.) But what goes around comes around, and the Exchange took said Hutt out. In HK’s words, “the residents of that sector were fishing pieces of Hutt out of their soup for weeks afterward.” He’s still got more memory I could recover, but I got zapped by his support systems a couple times, more than I like on any given afternoon. Even if I hadn’t been, I think, from what I saw, I’ll need a specialized tool to get any deeper. A tool that I have - it’s a microspanner with a different end, a beam splitter - but I haven’t used it in ages. Most droids don’t have the insides that need it, not anymore. Like HK was built from older or salvaged parts. Either that or someone really liked that sort of system, which I can understand. It is pretty elegant, in my opinion. Some people like systems a little smoother, more intuitive, but when I’m building a droid I like to make it a little harder to get into, personally. At any rate, the tool is buried in my stuff, and I want to dig it out while I’m thinking about it, so I head into the starboard quarters to dig it out.

Juhani’s in there, alone. Her face is red. Redder than it’s supposed to be. “Juhani?”

She didn’t notice me come in. “Yes?” she says, “What is it?”

“Are you okay?”

“I… have been bothered by something of late,” she says, and she sounds like she’s struggling, “I never told you where I came from, did I? Where I grew up as a child? I suppose I was trying to deny what I was feeling…”

“What?”

She starts to sound angry. “I have been wrestling with my feelings inside. Trying to come to terms with it, but I find I cannot. I must have someone to blame!” She starts to get tense, clenching her fists. “Someone to blame for the destruction of my homeworld!” Destruction? “Someone who is responsible for the death of everyone I have ever known except those on Dantooine!”

Oh, God. “Do you mean…?”

“TARIS!” Oh, God, no. “It was Taris that the Sith destroyed to try to kill you and your precious Bastila! Taris, my homeworld!”

“God, Juhani,” I say, even though there’s nothing I can say, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“If it were not for you and Bastila, the Sith would have never had reason to destroy that world!” she fires at me, “It was your fault for being there, and your fault for rescuing Bastila! Without your intervention the Sith would have had no cause to lay waste to my childhood!” I try to stammer out a response, but she interrupts me. “Just let me vent my anger! I need someone to blame! Something -- anything!” I can understand that. “I hated that world, yet everything I learned as a child I learned there. It is as much a part of me as the air I breathe. I have this ache inside me where all my childhood memories lay, and I find your face there with them. If it was not for you, that world would still exist!”

Seems like Zaalbar coming home, his exile ending, stirred up some tensions I didn’t even know were there. Carth and his wife, and now Juhani, unable to ever return home. “I’m sorry, Juhani,” I say, “I don’t think there was any way to prevent it.”

“I… I know,” she says, suddenly calmer, “… I suppose I realized that. The Republic needs you and Bastila. Maybe needs you more than it needed Taris. But it is so hard to lose your entire past. You would not understand.”

“You’re right,” I say, “I don’t.” I don’t.

“I suppose that is to be expected. Everything will turn out for the best as long as we remain focused on our task.” She shakes her head. “I am sorry. I will try not to distract you in the future with my trivial experiences.”

“They’re not trivial, Juhani,” I say, “Maybe when you’re feeling up to it, you should talk to Mission. She’s from Taris, too, she went through something similar.”

Juhani shakes her head with a small grin. “Perhaps, but Mission and I clearly felt differently about Taris. She loved it. But for me, it was hell. To walk down the streets. To have people look at you in disgust; like an animal. Most did not know anything about me, but it was there all the same. Because I was an 'alien'. Because I was different from them, frightening. I doubt any of them had even seen my people before. So they persecuted me… They looked down on me and my family. Charged us more for food. Would not let us walk their streets. They spat on us. You are human… you could not possibly know. And Mission… things were different for Twi’leks. There were more of them. There were no other Cathar on Taris. No one to talk to. No one to confide in.” She huffs a bit. “But you must think me weak for saying this. But I am strong enough to admit it!”

Why are you putting words into my mouth? “You’re not weak, Juhani,” I reassure her, “It must have been hard.”

“I thank you for your concern, but… Bah!” she exclaims, “Maybe I am weak. To think that some stories of my stupid past could possibly interest you.”

She has a tendency to put herself down a lot, have you noticed that? “It’s alright,” I say, “I'm always here to listen if you want to talk.”

“I thank you,” she says, “You are kinder than I would have expected… To put up with me using you in this way. I hope that I will not use your time so badly in the future. Thank you.”

I find the tool in my foot locker, in the pocket of my old vest. Hardly old, I was wearing it a couple of months ago. I wonder where Mission is. I feel like playing some Pazaak.

[painted-crow]

Submission time #17, with Varna

Hello Paint,

(Sorry if this is the second time you see this, I think my internet lagged the first time, I'm not trying to be annoying. I'm sorry.)

No problem! It only showed up once, your Internet did indeed lag.

Can I ask for your opinion on what my sorting could be? There's a possibility that even if I will hit the right answer I'll doubt it and run myself into another session of overthinking and I will never settle down on my sorting. This is one of the reasons why it's hard for me.

Huh. Sounds like if you have any Bird, you're not trusting it to settle on conclusions.

Other one is that I don't really see my morals a lot. Feelings, thoughts, wants, cravings, prejudices, yes, but not really motivations. The more I get new information the more I get stuck.

Burned Bird is looking like a potential candidate here.

For example, your last answer about what primaries need to be stable — badger sounded familiar, because I really don't feel I can make any positive change. It's true I always wanted to have a group of friends, but I do not have a community. Apart from a couple of friends and my family, there is no active community I'm a part of, or at least that I realize I am. But I really resonate with the wish to feel connected.

Okay, there's some big Loyalist stuff happening here.

My inner world is too messy to be a raven primary.

Hmm, I don't know about that. Firstly because every Bird looks different, but secondly because if you are a Bird, you're pretty Burned and may have been for a while. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand, is all.

I don't know how much my inner people are important to me. Part of this is the fact that I view my family as always being on the side that will need the help most, I know how much we have, what we need, what are the inner thoughts and feelings. This view of mine seems to have a reason, not just simple 'it's my people', so that's why I don't know where I stand with snake primary.

That is interesting. It sounds kind of Badger: "these are the people who need help most."

I am messy inside, I base my actions and views on feelings a lot. I'm probably an internal based primary from this, but sometimes I really wish I'd be Badger.

I've been reading ahead a bit. You might be a burned Badger.

I will try to base this on the quiz, if it's alright.

Ambivalent answers:

If people in your family or community disagree with you, is it hard to act against their wishes?

If me and my family would disagree on something, like a big life decision or something life changing, yeah, I would care. I know I tend to see things only from one side or miss something important, so kind of need someone to come in and check the 'wiring'. But I guess I would push my point if I really know and think I'm right. It would be harder to act against their wishes, I think.

I never think this question is about 'right things' until I read that answer xD silly me. I think doing something and just disagreeing could be two different things in my head here. But I guess even if you don't see yourself as an active community member, the disapproval would still get to you.

The quiz answers that read to the effect of "I don't care, I'm gonna do what I think is right" are Lion answers. I don't get a Lion vibe from you; I get a mix of Bird system, Loyalist drives (particularly burned Badger, which tends to look Snakey), a whole lot of confusion, and some self-distrust.

"I tend to see things from only one side" I have a hard time believing this is true of you. You keep coming in with all this burned Bird stuff, even though your motivations are so Loyalist flavored. Current hypothesis is that you're a burned Badger with a burned Bird model.

Alternatively, you might be a burned Bird with a system that includes a lot of Loyalist ideals, and you consider those the most stable parts of your system so you're hanging on tight to them.

But I think it's more likely that you're a Badger who Burned and started leaning heavily on a Bird primary model, and then you burned that too--but you've been using it more recently, it's closer to the surface, and it shows up in your thought and language patterns.

Someone points out a flaw in your logic. Their argument makes sense, but there's something about it that just bothers you. Do you change your ways because of what they said?

In a high stakes situation, I probably would. I'd think about it, I'd try it in the other way, maybe continue or go back to my own because I've got experience and now my feeling might have a base. In a low stakes one, I would probably not care much.

Interesting. This supports the "Bird is a model" theory, I think.

What if everyone you loved left you? They betrayed you, abandoned you, or died, and you're hurting. What keeps you moving forward?

I'd get into work just, so I could cope. I don't know what to answer on this. There would be nothing to keep me moving. How can you wish to trust someone again when someone you loved betrayed you? You might want it, but not hope to.

It's not like I get to see and do stuff even if everyone I love is ok, so that would not really change anything. Work to not have to feel things and hope some sweet and warm community will adopt you, so you could start to heal.

This answer is so Burned Badger and it also makes me want to hug you. I get this feeling like this isn't entirely a hypothetical for you.

You're at a crossroads in your life. You've made your pro-con lists. You've talked to people you respect. Choice A looks like the right choice. It's the one everything is telling you is the right choice-- your lists and your advisers tell you it's the right choice, but it just feels wrong. So you choose Choice B.

I don't know. Only the situation show what my reaction would be. It would be selfish, but if something inside me nagged...

Interesting, this is the first Lion-ish thing you've said so far. It's normal to have a few answers that don't match though.

Do you think you're a good person?

So, no. People are nice, kind, not good. And not me.

🥺 the burned Badger is strong with this one

Or you can imagine the snarkiest snake secondary smile cheekily saying 'Oh, please, define good for me' just to avoid answering the question and to make the other party talk about this. You'd better listen to them talking about all kinds of ways a person can be good, that's how you hate the question and don't know how to answer it or don't find the answer.

I know the answer is not intended to be seen like this, but that's the image my mind paints to me.

Vehement answers:

What's your top priority?

For me this will be a very Lionish answer — my goals. I want to find my own place, I want to find something I love to do, something I'm passionate about. Not only find, but be able to take it and have it actively in my life. The skeptic in me wants to ask — who's still trying to make the world a better place? The same voice keeps asking who thinks like a lion? Confirmation bias would say I am a snake here.

I don't think either of those is you, from what you've written so far. I think you're trying to find your place in the world, somewhere you fit, and it's hard. You want somewhere stable to land so you can seek out connections without worrying about them slipping away. I might be reading too much into this.

Would you lie to an acquaintance to save their peace of mind? Would it make you feel grimy to do it?

Most likely I would not lie, but tell it in the kindest way possible, if there is such. At the same note, I would like to be both truthful and kind. Would I actually? This part of me is talking, but I know I'd do anything to avoid anything that is uncomfortable, and I'd lie if it wouldn't be a high stakes situation, and also lie in the high stakes one too.

Again, you don't trust yourself to do the right thing. Yikes, you're Burned.

There's also a big chance that if I don't know this person very well, I would maybe not even notice that it was a situation like this. Yeah, so that's why I can't sort myself, I get too much into this, plus I can say one thing but do or decide on a different thing on the spot.

Let's say I would not want to lie. It's better to know, and I believe how people speak, communicate with you things like that can mean a lot, and they can make it better or worst.

This whole answer is very burned Bird.

When you're making a decision and you're stuck, what should you do?

I'd want to go to my friends, if I could, to speak and talk it through, to see how I react to what they say and maybe for them to tell me what I do not see or talk me to do the thing I don't want to do. Nope, I'm not a raven.

No, but you do have a burned model. I'm starting to sound repetitive. I might end up trimming a few questions here.

Do you listen to your intuition?

I guess I do.

Lions are not this indecisive about it, unless Burned. But I don’t think you're a burned Lion. Or a healthy one for that matter.

You can’t help everyone in the world who needs it, but you wish you could.

So with this question I think I really can sense some dehumanization happening. I do care. But I know there is not much I can do. I don't think about this, I numb whatever is not helpful or needed.

Burned, burned Badger.

What's the point of me worrying and feeling bad about stuff while I can't do anything? None. So I worry and feel in the situations, where I can do something. When I can help and do something I feel better, maybe even, yeah, a good person. But if I only feel bad about something, without an action, this would make me feel bad about myself, that part is true. But I choose to help and feel good about that what I can do.

Here we're getting to the heart of things, I think--this is how you propped up your Badger with your Bird model. You set some reasonable, logical conditions under which you'd let yourself care.

But it doesn't seem to have worked for you. Shutting yourself off from caring ultimately seems to have made you feel worse.

If you were a Bird with a Badger model (like I was), and you tried to do this (like I did), you'd probably have been fine (yep). But you're not a Bird, and this is so intrinsic to you, and it's so much harder for you.

There are other healthy limits you can set on a Badger primary. I don't know if the ones I set for myself will work for you, because mine are pretty Birdy and you've already tried that.

Consider, though:

"But if I only feel bad about something, without an action, this would make me feel bad about myself..."

So far it seems like you've been avoiding this by trying to shut off your empathy in situations where you can't help, and that isn't working for you--it's hurting you not to let yourself feel.

Maybe instead, you could try to let go of some of the responsibility you're putting on yourself. You find someone you can't help, you wish them well, pray for them if that's something you do, but try to train yourself out of feeling shitty about not doing more. It's not your job to fix the whole world--there are other people who care about it too. Your impact matters, but caring for everyone has to be a team effort, you know?

Not taking action for every cause you see doesn't make you a hypocrite, and it doesn't mean you don't care. It means you know you have limits. You can't pour from an empty cup.

(I know, there are plenty of organizations and activists who will try to make you feel like an uncaring hypocrite for not giving them time or money or whatever. If you believe this, you'll end up feeling bad no matter what, because there are way more people doing this than any person could ever keep up with. They're just trying to guilt or shame you into focusing your energy on them specifically, and I have... limited patience with this tactic. They're in the wrong, not you.)

On a related note, maybe watch less news. It's designed to get an emotional reaction out of you--specifically, "everything sucks, this is horrible, I have to keep track of it by watching more news, I have to spread this news link in the hopes that someone who can help will see it." The news is designed to sustain itself, not to give you an informed view of what the outside world is like. It reports disasters, not kindness.

Quiz thinks I'm Lion, I don't know why I don't believe it.

Probably because you aren't.

I'm still afraid I'm Snake.

You're not a Snake. Snakes are okay with being Snakes (unless Burned). You're afraid you're a Snake because burned Badgers look like Snakes, and you're afraid that Burned is your default state of being.

The quiz really doesn't show that, but I really wish to have a big snake relationship. When I'm far from home I feel it's not my place, not my home, not my people, but I feel ok at home. I do think people only care about their and you have to become someones' special person to be cared about.

This sounds like sad Badger to me. You wish the world would be more universally caring, but you don't expect it to be.

I do trust my people to be honest and warm inside our relationship and after that trust is lost, I still can be glad for them, communicate, but I can't be vulnerable and honest anymore. There's like a special title, a VIP ticket that lets them see all of me. It hurts to interact with these people, you know something has died.

This is something I've heard Snakes say, but it also makes sense coming from any Loyalist whose trust is fragile due to life experiences.

And then there's family. It's not only that it is family, but everything, all of your experiences, I don't know what it is but it will probably take a lot for a couple of them to lose the VIP title. Actually I think apart from family not even friends get to that place. One did, no one after them did. I do not have that really important person in my life, but my closest family is important.

This does sound Snakey, but I don’t think you're a Snake.

But I am important to myself too, my freedom, my heart, my goals.

That's a good thing. Wonder if you've picked up a bit of a Snake model? You could do a lot worse than that.

This is my short ramble why I think I might be a snake.

I wouldn't say you couldn't be, but I don’t think it fits. You sound too careworn, for (mostly) the wrong reasons, to be a Snake.

Thank you for your opinion.

I'm really sorry if this got submitted twice.

Nope, all good! Hope this was helpful.

Hugs, and good luck!

[stanthreads]

❝ 𝘘𝘶𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘯 ❞

5 Seconds of Summer

Luke Hemmings

“Find something that makes you happy and don’t let anyone take it away from you”

“It Should be about happiness, always”

“Retaining your own individuality is the most important thing”

“Friendship is like peeing yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling it brings.”

“Do more of what makes you happy.”

Calum Hood

“Believe in Yourself”

“Just live right now, and be yourself, it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else”

“It’s ok to be sad sometimes”

“People don't become gay, bisexual, pansexual, transexual. People just fall in love with another person."

“Even when times feel at their darkest... think of the people you call home & be strong”

Michael Clifford

“It's okay not to be okay.”

“It's a a damn good day to be alive.”

“Don’t lose sight of what makes you tick, and never forget to feed your own happiness, whatever that is”

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up”

“It’s okay to be whoever the hell you wanna be”

Ashton Irwin

“Just keeping being you. Don't worry what people think. Being you is cool, okay?”

“Never ever give up the fight”

“You aren't on your own. You can find the greatest things in life in the smallest and simplest things, you just gotta take a moment.”

“No matter how nasty people are in life, show kidness, smile through it and love, laugh, be good to people, just cause you can.”

“Be absolutely fearless of what people will”

Ariana Grande

“Cherish every moment even if you’re stressed or hurt... there’s always tomorrow and it always gets better”

“Be happy with you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are”

“We have to lift each other up, not try and claw each other down”

“Friendly reminder to be nice to yourself. We often make things harder for ourselves then they actually are. Be good to your brain”

“Be patient and trust the universe please. Everything happens for a reason and you will be okay. I promise. On everything. With every challenge comes growth. Painful periods prepare you to appreciate the beautiful ones awaiting, protect you and force you to look at things differently”

Conan Gray

“real love is fucking rare don’t waste it”

“we are a spec in the universe with little to no importance in the abyss of time and space so everyone just shut the fuck up and get along we are all gonna die with our lifetimes being a mere smudge on the timeline of humanity be nice to each other”

“humans just be mean for no reason lol”

“life gets a whole lot easier when u realize most people are way too consumed judging themselves to take the time to judge you as well”

“tired of y’all being toxic to each other. anyone is allowed to like my music. anyone is welcome here. stop being fucking elitist assholes. don’t care if you’ve known me for years or just found me yesterday. you are all welcome. be nice to each other or imma whoop y’alls asses.”

Dua Lipa

“Success to me, is just doing things that I’m really proud of”

“I just wanna make sure that you guys know that none of this online craziness means anything, never let anyone’s stupid opinions define how you feel about yourself. Any tweets that trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable mute or unfollow with absolutely no fucks given”

“You should keep your friends and loved ones close, trust your gut and go with your instinct. Never let go of the people that are nothing but honest with you, that have your best interest at heart with no strings attached. Love them with everything you have because they deserve the world”

“Be kind to yourself a little more every day”

“Note to self: self love isn’t selfish”

Halsey

“Stop comparing your self to others. You can be the most beautiful rose in a garden and some jerk will still say they prefer daises”

“Just remember, none of us have any idea what we’re doing either. No one chooses to exist. You just do. You’re gonna be ok.”

“Also, love yourself today and everyday. I don’t care what anyone says. You’re funny and you have a cute butt. Embrace life. YEAH”

“If you look at women and see crooked teeth, soft tummy, and think they’re beautiful, you should feel the same about these things in yourself”

“The only person I try to be “better than” is the person I was yesterday”

Harry Styles

“It only takes a second to call a girl fat, and she’ll take a lifetime trying to starve herself. Think before you act”

“A dream is only a dream.. until you decide to make it real”

“We have a choice. To Live or To Exist.”

“You have a choice where you can either be all right to someone or you can be a little bit nicer, and that can make someone’s day.”

“Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world. But rather, choose the one who makes your world beautiful.”

Madison Beer

“Stop worrying about things you can’t control”

“If you are broken you do not have to stay broken”

“Don’t lower your standards for anybody. They can step up or step out”

“don’t let em change u ok”

“just be proud of yourself & focus.”

Melanie Martinez

“If someone ever tries to steer you away from your intuition, tell them to fuck off”

“True empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes who you normally wouldn’t. When empathy is restricted by convenience, it contradicts the nature of empathy itself”

“I think, being emotional is this thing that people think you’re not strong. They don’t look at you as a strong person, and it’s weird ‘cuz honestly being emotional has nothing to do with your strength”

“We cut flowers because we think they’re pretty, we cut ourselves because we think we’re not”

“Being emotional shouldn’t be looked at as a weakness, it should be looked at as a strength”

Rihanna

“Don’t lower your standards for anything or anyone”

“The minute you learn to love yourself you won’t want to be anyone else”

“Sure, you wish you did some things differently. But there is no sense in becoming burdened with regret over things you have no power to change.”

“Don’t hide from who you are.”

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Tyler the Creator

“I think I’m cool. That’s all that matters”

“Again, trust your ideas, be your biggest cheerleader and be smart about it cause fuck em”

“Do not, kids I repeat, do not live your life Tryna make your parents/ anyone happy. DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT”

“Don’t let these muthafuckas kill your flowers make sure your garden is watered and stunt”

“If you’re gonna go to school at least major in something you actually give a fuck about and love not some shit that makes the most money”