#Savage Fists of Kung Fu | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stutterfly · 5 years

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Swipe Right 01 | Context Switch | JJK (M)

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship

Genre: E2L, fluff, angst [later on], humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader

Word Count: 12.8K

Fic Summary: Jungkook wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and you don’t want to admit that he had you fooled. You quickly discover he has a lot more to offer than exchanging pleasantries and awkward small talk. In fact, he never seems to shut up.

For the better part of a year, he’s held your irritation hostage, never passing up an opportunity to deliver savage one-liners at your expense. When he discovers you’re on Tinder, he turns up the brattiness factor and intentionally seeks you out. Who knows? Maybe if you gave him a chance he could charm the pants right off of you. Then again, maybe he’s just a fuckboy.

Tags: Fuckboy Jungkook, like cannot stress enough Fuckboy Jungkook but gets soft later, dirty jokes, talk nerdy to me, PUNS, friendship feels, sexual tension, Jin being bad at copying Mario’s accent, Namjoon being bad at accents

CW: panic attacks, filthy language, this whole chapter is setup so like nothing too bad i dont think???

Series: Activate your SIMCard Fic: Swipe Right (1/?- Ongoing) Do not repost. masterlist // next chapter

(A/N: This is part of my “Activate Your SIMcard” series. Each member of BTS has their own AU in which IT/TechSupport/NerdReader gets dating help/advice and ends up falling in love with them instead. As with a dating sim, the same characters are utilized--same professions, similar scenario placement-- but different interactions/pathways lead to different romances. ~Anyway here’s the Jungkook route.~ The Namjoon route, “Love Bytes” is currently in the works.)

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Nerves wrack your stomach as you make your way down the hall, clinging to the man beside you. His strides seem gigantic next to yours and you find yourself struggling to keep up with him. “Stop walking so fast, Namjoon.”

The man laughs, but slows his pace just enough to allow you to walk side-by-side. “Sorry. I’m just excited for you to meet them.”

Digging your fingernails into the flesh of his elbow, you swallow hard. It’s been a couple months since the young English professor stumbled into your life holding the pieces of some very expensive, very shattered college property. State of the art technology, brand new, busted in less than a week of his arrival. He’d get the biggest chew-out of his life if he presented it to your boss, and you were too sympathetic to let that happen.

While you’d willingly paid for the whole thing out of pocket to cover for the newbie, it had definitely put a strain on your finances and what little social life you had. Within a week he’d worked up a repayment plan than spanned the course of a year. He even started buying you a coffee every Friday as an apology for how long it was going to take.

After a few months of bonding over kung-fu movies, life before Namjoon’s friendship seemed like a distant past, a hazy dream. It was natural that your new bestie wanted to grow your pitiful social circle. But there was a reason you didn’t let people get close to you. The fact that Namjoon had slipped past your defenses so fast made him an anomaly worth dissecting for scientific discovery.

Just the thought of having to now socialize with people you don’t know has your temperature boiling and your head spinning.

He attempts to tug his elbow away from you, and you stumble forward, keeping your death grip on him. “I know, but talking to people isn’t exactly my strong suit. Are you sure it’s best I meet all six at once?”

“You’ve already met Jimin,” he begins, clawing at your hand with long, veiny fingers until you release your hold on him, “but he’s not coming tonight, so don’t worry... you can relax a little.”

Your face twists into a sour grimace as you try to sputter out a response. “I-Pfft. I mean. Jimin’s a model. His face is on billboards and shit. Like… how is that supposed to not be intimidating?”

“Jimin is the world’s biggest sweetheart,” he laughs, shoving his hands into his pockets as you continue down the hallway. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of. I have a feeling you two will get along fine once you stop being so shy.”

You huff and tick your jaw a few times before wringing your hands together. Maybe.

“Anyway. Taehyung is out of town on business, but you can meet him another time. He’s kind of quiet when meeting new people too. Hoseok and Yoongi texted they might be a little late. It’ll just be Jin and Jungkook you’re meeting now. And it’ll be just the four of us for a bit.”

A deep breath escapes you as you hook your elbow with his. “Okay. I just… I’m nervous.”

He stops at the door at the end of the hall and looks down at you. “Give them a chance. If you’re still feeling bad in an hour, then we’ll leave, and I’ll hang out with y’all separately from now on. Deal?”

You eye his extended palm peeking out from beneath the crook of your twined elbows before a smile creeps across your face. You shake his hand. He always knows what to say. “Deal.”

As Namjoon knocks, you leave the comfort of his side, realizing how your anxious clinging might be mistaken for a romantic gesture. You begin to shrink back, trying to hide in his shadow before the door opens. You’re about halfway there when a young, well-built man appears, prominent leg muscles bulging from beneath his basketball shorts as he props the door open with his foot. There’s a cup of instant noodles in his hands, and you’re pretty sure at least half of its contents are dangling from his mouth.

The scent of garlic and rosemary drifts into your nostrils, and you freeze as you cower behind Namjoon, realizing how long it’s been since you last had a decent home-cooked meal. You were promised free food so maybe it won't be so bad after all.

“Ah, Namjoon,” he greets and gestures with his head towards the domicile. “Come in--Oh!”

He chokes a chunk of noodles back into the paper cup as he notices your figure standing behind the tall man.

“Jungkook, this is Y/N,” Namjoon says, stepping to the side and pushing you out into the light of the apartment “I told you she was coming tonight, remember?”

Jungkook’s dark brown eyes widen and he pumps a fist into his chest a few times as he tries to get the remnants of spicy noodles dislodged from the back of his throat. Namjoon sent a bunch of texts this week making sure it was cool to bring someone to hangout night since he’d made a friend at work and wanted everyone to meet them. The way the texts were worded definitely didn’t give any indication that the friend he was bringing tonight was a woman. Maybe they did. Maybe he should have read more of them.

The muscular man before you holds the remaining food in his cheeks and waves bashfully with two fingers as he swallows. "Jungkook," he mumbles, as if the name itself is introduction enough and all but sprints from the room.

Seconds later, a new voice shrieks out from the other room. “What are you doing eating that?! Dinner will be ready soon! Jungkookie if you don’t put that down--!”

A dull smacking sound accompanies the clattering of silverware and plates. You swallow hard, trying to think about anything other than the way the young man had rushed out of the room at just the sight of you. Maybe you’re just that ugly.

“Hey! I’ll eat! I’ll eat! I promise!” Jungkook cries out. His voice drops an octave. “Namjoon is here.” Their conversation becomes indiscernible, but you can’t shake the feeling that you are definitely the subject of their quiet discussion.

You throw a worried glance in Namjoon's direction. "Did I do something wrong?" your voice is hushed as you work your sneakers off, trying to hold in the crazy amount of anxiety that threatens to unscrew the top of your head and send your brain exploding into the ceiling.

Namjoon shakes his head, unbothered by his friend’s odd behavior. "Honestly, I texted him a bunch this week to make sure it was cool and I got one-word replies so I'm wondering if he even read them." He bites his lip and spares a glance back at you, knowing he probably should have kept that to himself.

"Oh," your heart sinks into your stomach and threatens to fall out your butt as you straighten your spine. "If that's the case, should I... leave?"

"Leaf?!" A bright green piece of lettuce is thrust into your face. "How about a whole salad? You can't go before you try it! It's unbe-leaf-able."

You blink in rapid succession, trying to stifle a laugh at the cackle emanating from the man whose bony fingers are holding the lettuce. It sounds like a... windshield wiper? A giggle slips out, stronger than your will to keep it tucked behind your lips, and it only seems to make the grin on his face stretch impossibly wider. Heavy shoulders rise and fall with his laughter, causing the bright pink apron across his chest to wrinkle.

Namjoon groans. "This is--"

"Now do you smell that delicious flavor in the air? Because this just a taste of what you will find at my amazing restaurant 'Heart and Seoul'," he announces, cutting off the man beside you as he clutches the lettuce to his chest with eyes closed. "Where I give you a piece of my heart and soul... Some refer to me as Worldwide Handsome, others call me the God of Cookery. Some call me an angel and believe I fell from heaven." He bows with a flourish and takes your hand in his. "But you can call me..." He finally looks at you, a dark smoulder in his features that sets your cheeks on fire. "Later?"

He seals your fate with a gentle kiss to the back of your hand. Your jaw, which has been hanging open for some time, finally decides to snap itself shut.

"This is Seokjin, and he's going back into the kitchen to finish making dinner." Namjoon is already ushering his friend back towards the kitchen and chiding him as you purse your lips together to hide the smile spreading across your face. Did you just stumble into some alternate universe where all of the men you meet are ridiculously good-looking?

"It's nice to meet you, Seokjin," you call after them before letting your eyes wander around the room.

Paintings line the walls and photos sit on the bookshelf in the corner. As you approach the shelf to get a closer look, you realize those aren't books, but video games. There must be hundreds. Don't people use cloud storage for most of their games now? Your eyes curiously scan the photos on the top shelf. The man who had introduced himself as Jungkook is in all of them. There's another man in a couple that you don't recognize, but his gaze is piercing and cold when he's not smiling. You're able to pick Jimin and Namjoon out in a few, but it feels like looking at a family photo. Everyone seems so close; it makes you envious.

You lick your lips and can't help but admire the collection of video games underneath. You crouch to get a better look at the ones lining the bottom shelf. You're surprised to see there are games for all types of consoles: PS4, XboxOne, Switch, WiiU, Nintendo DS, SuperNintendo, PlaystationVita, PC... The list keeps going. Jealousy spikes your gut as you note a Mass Effect "SSV Normandy" ship figurine on the shelf above your head. You eye it with wonder and pride as your memories flood with the hours you spent playing the trilogy. Your fingers reach out to brush against the raised letters on the side of the ship.

"Have you played Mass Effect?" a quiet voice asks from behind you.

You jump in place and spin on the balls of your feet in a fluid motion that nearly sends you careening into the basketball shorts in front of you. Surprised by how close Jungkook is standing, you gasp and stumble back into the bookshelf, causing it to wobble and bring some of the frames filled with photos tumbling down onto your head. You wait for the impact but it never comes.

As you look up, Jungkook has several frames balanced on his arms and between his fingers, carefully maneuvering them away from you and back onto the shelf. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! Namjoon told me you liked video games too and I saw you looking at the Normandy and I thought maybe you've played it. Ah, I'm sorry."

It's hard to miss the crestfallen way he rubs the back of his neck and stares at the floor once he places all the photos back on the shelf. You're still in shock that he caught everything before it smacked you in the head, but you force yourself to respond anyway. "No, it's okay. I'm just a jumpy person. It's my fault. I'm just glad I didn't break anything. I'm... asari? Get it? 'Cause like, I'm sorry... but also hot blue alien chicks, am I right?"

He smiles wide and laughs softly as he offers to help you up. As you take hold of his hand, you're quickly thrust to your feet with an ease you weren’t quite expecting. You steady yourself by reaching out to grip his arm, a movement you reverse the moment you feel the firm muscles beneath his t-shirt.

"Thanks," you mumble. Feeling his hand tense around yours, you take it back and twiddle your fingers. "So what decisions did you make? Renegade or Paragon? Rachni Queen? Samara's mission? Quarian and Geth dispute? Genophage?" You pause only to take a breath. "If you let Wrex die, we can't be friends."

He blinks at you a few times before breaking into a relaxed smile. “Of course not. What kind of monster do you think I am?”

You allow a relieved sigh to pass your lips. Maybe this wouldn’t be so painful after all.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You must have made a good impression that night. It’s been nearly a month and Namjoon’s friends have started pulling you into their group texts and Saturday night plans. This had been fine by you since you rarely had anything going on. Honestly it was kind of nice to be included.

While you still don’t exactly know everyone, you feel fairly comfortable talking with your new friends. Seokjin is absolutely hilarious. He’s so full of himself that his cockiness rides the line between charming and annoying; it’s hard to decide which aspect overwhelms his personality more. But you know that you find him irrefutably, irritatingly attractive because of it.

Jungkook is still polite and rather gentlemanly towards you. Your conversation about Mass Effect was enough to tide over any residual awkwardness regarding your initial meeting. He’s just a muscular, nerdy introvert who seems genuinely nice. However, Namjoon insists that Jungkook is still hiding a louder, brattier side when you’re around. He’s got this theory that since you’re a friend of a friend, Jungkook is holding back his usual antics for some reason. The harmless little crush you’ve developed on him has you secretly holding out hope that it’s because he wants to ask you to be his girlfriend. You’ve considered asking Jin what he thinks, but that man has no tact and honestly you’re afraid he’d just ask Jungkook with you standing right there.

Hoseok is a ball of smiling energy, one who has been begging you to visit his dance studio. It’s hard to say no, but you’ve managed for this long because of the very real possibility that you won’t be able to do anything but stare at the dazzling way he moves. He seems to take pride in his ability to make others feel good and absolutely beams when he’s the cause of his friends’ happiness. You can easily see yourself talking to him without Namjoon around to act as a buffer, which is amazing for someone with your level of social anxiety.

Yoongi is quiet, but when he speaks his words are sharp with purpose. Some people might mistake that for coldness, but you can tell he has good intentions and a soft heart underneath. His pointed remarks in the group interrogations have poked fun at you, but never in a condescending or cruel manner. And it’s certainly not in the way you see him absolutely roast the others. Maybe he’s taking it easy on you.

Jimin is still so beautiful to look at it devastates you, leaving a flustered, stuttering mess behind every time he leaves. Now that he’s become aware of the effect he has on you, he’s been testing the waters of your friendship with some teasing that borderlines flirtation. But you have a feeling he’s just screwing with you because he finds it funny to see you squirm. You’re hoping to build the confidence to dish it back some day.

Taehyung has been a little standoff-ish, but Namjoon had already warned you about that. You wonder if it’s because he’s a hundred times richer than you’ll ever be. Despite seeming like he’s in a different social class, he still seems deeply fond of his friends, and relatively down-to-earth. He’s a bit quirky, but he’s an artist, so you expect that kind of thing.

Namjoon says that he’s known almost all of them since college, so he’s been able to absorb most of the discomfort associated with meeting new people. He’s sweet, and more relatable than you originally would have thought for an English professor. He’s kind of like a pillar that you never knew your life had been missing. And now that he’s got your back, you can’t go back.

The smell of coffee pervades the air as you skim an article on your phone regarding the latest Halloween skins for Overwatch. You’re supposed to be meeting Namjoon here but Seokjin, and Jimin showed up and have been chatting about their plans for the weekend. Apparently they throw a Halloween party every year and it’s Jimin’s turn to host. Seokjin is supposedly in charge of planning the decorations due to his love for theatrics and has been discussing the possibility of a haunted house walkthrough. You smile at the thought of Seokjin popping out of the shadows to drop fake spiderwebs on people. It sounds like the kind of thing he’d get off to.

Namjoon flops down on the couch next to you. “You’re coming, right?”

You’re broken from your thoughts as you scroll further down the page. “E-Excuse me?”

“The Halloween party. You coming?”

You look up from your phone, feeling everyone’s eyes on you. “I mean… I don’t want to intrude on your group thing.”

“You’re not intruding!” Jimin, Jin, and Namjoon’s voices all stack upon each other and you’re taken aback by the sound.

Jin frantically scrambles to make you feel included. “Y/N, we just assumed you were coming. Of course you’re invited! You can help me get everything set up for the scary walkthrough. Please come.”

“Don’t give her work to do that you should have already figured out,” Jimin hisses before sending a warm smile your way. “I’ll text you the address later. It’s a costume party so make sure to dress up!”

Your bottom lip unconsciously protrudes in a pout as you pass a discouraging look Namjoon’s way. “What are you going as?”

He gives you a heartfelt, dimpled smile. “Sherlock Holmes,” he says with the worst british accent you’ve ever heard in your life. “World’s greatest detective.” He drops his accent and starts gushing. “The tweed suit is fairly iconic and most people will recognize the costume so I think it’s a safe option. Originally, I was going to go as Judge Di but Jimin kept telling me no one would get it. It would take some research to really get a feel for how he’d dress, but I’d be willing to put in the work.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Judge Dee? Like…. Judge... Ju...dy?” you trail off in confusion, immediately regretting your decision to ask.

Jimin throws his hands up as if this is the proof he’s needed to convince his friend that he’s wrong. “You see? I told you no one knows who that is.”

“Judge---! Really?!” Namjoon looks like he’s about to go off, but he shakes his head and sighs. “You know what? It’s okay. I look really good in a tweed suit. That’s all that matters.” He finished his statement by gesturing towards his chest.

You can’t help but laugh. “You’re such a dork.” You turn your attention to the others and raise your eyebrows at them. “What about you two?”

Jimin drags his teeth over his lip and shyly smiles. “I’m going as Iron Man. Tae’s been helping me build my costume for a while now.”

“Jungkookie and I are going as Luigi and Mario,” Jin proudly states he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees while tenting his fingers. “I’m Mario, of course, since everyone knows he’s the best.”

You roll your eyes. “Sounds like you, Seokjin.”

“What will you come as?” he questions with a smirk, cocking a mischievous eyebrow at you.

“Well...” you hesitate, knowing that most costume shops will be sold out of anything interesting or slutty; at this point your options are limited unless you want to be a Crayola shit brown crayon. “I’m not sure yet,” you mumble, scratching your cheek sheepishly. “I only found out just now so I don’t have anything ready. I usually go over Jennie’s place, hand out candy in my pajamas and watch scary movies, so I don’t know if I should bail on her like that.”

Solid excuse. Great job, brain. Really. Can I sound like more of a loser?

“She can come too,” Jimin offers with a thoughtful tilt of his head and a warm smile. “It’s a very open party. Lots of people will be coming and going, so it’s no trouble if you want to invite more of your other friends, if that makes you comfortable.”

Other friends. Like you have more than this group and Jennie. You’re going to just pretend like you didn’t hear that part. You can already hear her shrieking at you to say you’ll be there. She loves dressing up and would be more than happy to exchange a night of handing out candy for a night of partying. You suppose you can always get some vampire teeth and dab some fake blood on your mouth, but it feels like a cop-out. It’s a solid back-up plan at the very least.

“Okay. I’ll think about it,” you murmur with a fleeting look of panic directed at Namjoon.

He offers a sympathetic smile and pats your shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t come. I’m just saying there will be free food.”

Your spine straightens and you perk up.

“Free food?” The words on you’re about to utter spill from a different source. A chin drops into the space between Namjoon’s shoulder and yours. Jungkook’s hair is still wet, but thankfully it’s not long enough to brush against your skin. The soft, sweet, almost floral scent of his body wash wafts into your nose as you turn your head to look at him. You surmise he’s come directly from work if he’s showering in the late afternoon. You internally swat the butterflies playing with your ribcage, trying to remember how to act normal.

Jungkook smiles sweetly, his eyes nearly closing with how high his cheekbones have risen. “Where is this food?”

“At the Halloween party,” Namjoon comments with a dismissing wave of his hand. “I was just telling Y/N that she’ll miss out if she doesn’t come.”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows and drops his smile as his surprised stare pierces your periphery. “Oh, you’re not coming?”

“I was thinking about it.” You immediately feel the need to defend yourself. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“So don’t wear--” Jungkook catches himself before the word anything comes out. “A costume,” he finishes simply, straightening his spine and clearing his throat. “I mean we can make an exception. No one’s gonna kick you out.”

A devilish grin spreads across Seokjin’s features. “I’m sure I can help you find a pink dress and crown if you’d like to be our lovely Princess Peach. We can give each other items.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at his friend and Jin stares back with anticipation, waiting for him to make the mushroom joke he clearly set him up for. Jungkook purses his lips and quietly regards you. As the moment passes, Jin’s brow furrows and he crosses his arms in a huff, wishing that he’d said it instead. It’s been too long since you’ve blushed for his liking.

“Maybe I’ll show up in a leotard, spiked collar, and fishnets as Bowsette instead.” You nearly snort at your own joke.

Jungkook and Jin spill their surprise over one another.

“Whaa? Really?” Jin’s mouth hangs open, the image already permanently searing its way into his brain.

“You what?” Jungkook clamps his hands over the edge of the couch, hulking figure looming over you.

While Jimin and Namjoon are both oblivious what a Bowsette is, the words “spiked collar and fishnets” have certainly grabbed their attention as well.

You blink a few times, realizing how serious everyone has become as you sputter out a nervous laugh. “Kidding, guys. Kidding.”

Jin tuts in disappointment, slinking back into his chair. Jimin simply smiles. Namjoon breathes a relieved sigh. Jungkook starts walking away, distracted by the signage on the counter promoting a cinnamon chocolate chip milkshake.

“Besides, I’m more of a…” A lightbulb flicks on in your head and the thought comes spilling out your mouth before you can process it. “Oh, I have a cosplay from the gaming convention I went to a year ago. Maybe I can wear that.”

All three men lean forward, suddenly very interested in the concept of you using a cosplay as a Halloween costume. Jungkook’s head snaps in your direction just as he extends his hand to give his money to the cashier, but he drops it prematurely, sending coins scattering across the counter.

The sound causes all of you to look over at him and he quickly turns back to the cashier. She raises her eyebrows at him as he scrambles to recover all of the money for her. His ears turn bright red from the attention and you can’t help but put yourself in his shoes, cringing at the embarrassment coursing through your veins at the thought of swapping places.

Spinning back to face the others, you find Jin and Jimin on the edge of their seats, staring at you. Namjoon blinks at you and tilts his head expectantly. “You were saying?” he prods. “Something about an anime costume?”

Suddenly you’re embarrassed for yourself rather than Jungkook. “Don’t be weird, Joonie. It’s just a Princess Zelda cosplay.” You scratch your cheek in contemplation, murmuring, “Actually, I don’t even know if it still fits since I’ve gained some weight since then.”

Namjoon pats your shoulder assuringly. “Ah you’re fine. Don’t worry too much about it, ok?”

“He’s right. Just bring your smile, cutie,” Jimin says encouragingly.

You blush at the nickname and grin in response. He said it innocently enough, but you get the feeling that you reacted exactly as he had hoped because he exchanges a smug smirk with Seokjin. “See? Bring that.”

“Ah, you guys are embarrassing me,” you mumble, diving back into the article on your phone. “I’ll talk to Jennie about it later.”

Jungkook listens carefully as he tongues his cheek and waits for his drink to arrive at the counter. Are you really going to show up in that? He pulls out his phone and starts skimming amazon. There’s no way he can pass up the opportunity, regardless of what’s at stake.

A familiar veiny hand sets the drink down on the counter, and he outstretches his palm. “Service was good, yeah?”

Jungkook looks up from the checkout page and locks eyes with Yoongi. He scoops a large portion of whipped cream from beneath the lid and pops it in his mouth thoughtfully, smacking his lips as he washes it down with a sip through his straw. Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him expectantly, but remains silent.

“Hmm, I’ve had better. Maybe if I had some more whipped cream?” Jungkook suggests as he tilts his cup forward and gives it the tiniest shake, shit-eating grin strewn across his features.

Unblinking, Yoongi squirts a puff of cream into the top of the container before loudly setting the can on the counter. Satisfied, Jungkook reaches into his pocket and fishes out some money for a generous tip. “See this is why you’re my favorite barista. You always make it just how I like it.”

Yoongi forces a smile as he stuffs the cash into the half-filled tip jar. “The Java Stop values your patronage, customer.”

He catches a glimpse of Jungkook’s phone screen before the younger man snatches it from the counter and walks away. What the hell is he up to?

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You curse your past self for choosing Zelda’s outfit from Twilight Princess rather than Breath of the Wild; style over comfort rarely is a good choice, but it’s a choice you often repeat without forethought. It’s tighter than you remember, and not just because there’s a corset sewn into the chestpiece. As you sit in the passenger’s seat of Jennie’s Civic, you fidget with the hem of your dress. Without taking her eyes off the road, she reaches over and slaps your hand.

“Stop it. You look great.”

You rub the back of your wrist and pout, knowing it does nothing to change her mind. You eye her tattered dress, wishing you could pull off something so slutty with the same confidence she does. White contacts make her look even more ethereal than she normally does. Natural waves and curls poke out from beneath the bent witch’s hat atop her head and you can’t help but admire her beauty.

“I look like a nerd,” you say, feeling shittier the longer you compare yourself to her. It’s not her fault. You’re just insecure and wish that you could be more like her rather than the you that you are.

“You are a nerd,” she laughs. “What’s wrong with that?”

You smile. “Nothing, I guess. I don’t know why I’m so worried about it. It’s not like I’m gonna be getting laid any time soon. This costume solidifies it.” Negativity is something you’re used to dosing yourself with, but you know it’s an action you need to work at correcting.

“Hey if no one wants to fuck you in a Zelda costume, do they even deserve to fuck you?” Jennie asks, wagging her pointer at the ceiling as if scolding some invisible source above. “I don’t fucking think so.” She tuts for a second. “So speaking of… Which ones are off limits?”

You scoff and stiffen in your seat, trying to play dumb. “What? What’s off limits?”

“Y/N,” she starts in an accusatory tone. “I’m sure there will be lots of hot people there, but I’m talking about seven hot people in particular. Now if they came up to me and said ‘hey Jennie you so fine you wanna suck all seven of our dicks?’ I’d be like hell yeah I’ma suck all seven dicks. Get in a circle and let me at ‘em.”

You smack your hand to your forehead, wishing you could purge that image from your brain.

“Now I’m just saying in this hypothetical situation that I would never turn down going down on any of them if they asked. Unless I remembered that one time you told me you were crushing, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t suck that particular dick.”

“We’re about to go see these people. I don’t want to be thinking about this while sipping my drinks across from Seokjin. That man can smell fear, shame, and insecurity,” you mumble, looking out the window at the trees lining the side of the road.

“So that’s why we get it out now before we get there. Can’t possibly slip out if you’ve already got it out of your system,” she explains with a confident smirk.

You cross your arms and give yourself a moment to truly think about the seven men. You certainly find all of them attractive, but crossing that line might make things weird. But maybe, hypothetically… “I don’t know… They’re all pretty hot in their own way…”

“You’ve got to be attracted to one more than the others,” she prods. “Come on, Y/N. Which one does it for you?”

Your tongue clicks against the roof of your mouth before you sigh. “I guess…” You subconsciously lick your lips and give it a few seconds before the memory of falling picture frames surfaces in your mind. An embarrassed smile flickers across your face as you give your quiet, honest answer. “J-Jeon… Jungkook.”

“The young one!” Her mouth falls open. She drums her fingers against the steering wheel excitedly and spares a delightful, yet surprised look at you for a fraction of a second before her eyes return to the road. “Really? I never would have guessed. But I haven’t talked to him much honestly. Doesn’t he work at that nerdy-looking gym you almost joined? What was it, Iron Kingdom? You could always sign up for personal training. Ya know, get some one-on-one time with those muscles...”

“He’ll think I’m dumb for not knowing how to do anything,” you mumble. “Besides that’s not why.”

You shake your head and pause to start counting the list on your fingers. “Okay so he’s got muscles, a cute laugh, he likes video games, he literally always smells so fucking good, he has a great smile, he’s nice, and like he’s so mature for his age. I’m so surprised.”

“I mean from the few times I’ve seen him, I thought for sure he’d be a tool and a major shithead,” she admits.

“I know, but seriously don’t judge a book by its cover. He’s been so chill and respectful and has made me feel so welcome over the last few weeks. None of that fuckboy shit you’d expect to get with younger guys like, he doesn’t talk over me, no mansplaining, he looks me in the eyes and not at my tits, and listens when I say something, even if it’s just me talking about my day.” You pause, registering the words you just said. “Wow, the bar is really low, isn’t it?”

“Sad, but true.” She nods, glancing at the GPS on the dashboard. It’s says you’re nearly there, but it’s kind of further out from the city than you’d both been expecting.

She laughs, mulling over everything you’ve said. “He seems kinda shy. You probably need to make the first move. Maybe you should tell him you have a big fat crush on him. Tell him you wanna hold his hand. Do you think he’d blush? I bet he would. I bet he has a cute flustered face. You should totally do it.”

Recalling the way his ears turned red at the cafe causes you to purse your lips, but the action can’t hide the smile curling at the corners of your mouth. So you have a little crush on Jungkook. Who wouldn’t? He’s practically flawless and totally swoon-worthy. Your heart races as you imagine his reaction to your outfit. Would he be taken aback by how good you look as one of the hottest, most iconic female characters in gaming history? He’s a huge geek so you know there’s a possibility that he could appreciate it. Sweaty fingers work their way down your wig, carefully smoothing out any loose strands. You hope he does.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Walking into Jimin’s place feels like entering a mansion. He told you that he lives with two other people from the same modeling agency, but you didn’t realize how big the place would be. Seokjin’s ability to gather this many decorations and display them with such attention to ambiance is certainly a feat worthy of praise. You find yourself lost in the orange and yellow lights that border each doorway and drape along the walls. Their soft glow is comforting as you walk down the dim hallway, exploring the house just enough to find the table filled with fruits and snacks.

Jungkook is nowhere to be seen and you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief as you sip punch out of a red plastic cup, filling a plate with an excessive amount of strawberries, peaches, and other sweet fruits. Contrary to your previous belief that admission would mean freedom from the thoughts swirling in your brain, uttering the words out loud has made you paranoid that everyone now knows about your secret crush. You’re hoping that drinking will remove the worry from your brain, so you do your best to down the liquid fast and refill your cup.

Jennie immediately hit it off with one of Jimin’s roommates moments after walking in. You’re envious because holy fuck that guy is tall and jacked, and he’s wearing a Captain America outfit. Jennie is about to make out with Captain America and you’re gulping down spiked punch from a little plastic cup. You appreciate being able to silently agree to split, but know that you have each other’s back if either of you were to suddenly express interest in leaving, even if Captain America is balls deep.

She’s an extrovert. She loves socializing. Tossing a strawberry into your mouth, you eye the table of snacks again. You don’t. You love food. Food or sex would be a tough toss-up for you depending on the menu, and in this situation food definitely wins. There’s a buffet table of appetizers looping around the room and into the kitchen. It doesn’t get much better than this, especially knowing it was catered by Seokjin’s restaurant.

You remove a glove and tuck it beneath your armpit as you stuff your face full of sweet treats and survey the amount of people on the dance-floor. There are a good amount of people here --some with ludicrous costumes-- and it makes you feel better about being able to blend in.

You had arrived fashionably late only because Jennie may have passed the house a few times, thinking this place couldn't possibly be it. A hand skates around the periphery of your vision and you frown as it attempts to surreptitiously claim a peach slice from your plate. Following the hand to its owner, you find a smile quickly claiming your mouth in place of the previous sour grimace.

"There's plenty of peaches left over there," you say, pointing to the table of snacks beside you.

"Mmm," Namjoon hums as he pockets the fruit in his cheek. "But this pile is better. I can deduce that you've already picked out the best pieces, Zelda."

You look him over from head to toe, examining the details of his tweed suit. You hate to admit he's looking dapper as fuck in this outfit. Despite often wearing three-piece suits to work, you rarely have time to stop and really appreciate just how flattering they are on his frame. Your eyes settle on the dark brown silk carefully knotted around his neck. "Don't you get sick of wearing ties?"

His eyes widen and he blinks at you as if you'd just told him that he sat in some gum. "Do you think I should have gone with the bow-tie? I spent hours weighing the pros and cons to both and which would be more quintessential to the whole ensemble. Did I make the wrong choice?"

You open your mouth to respond, meaning to allay his concerns and tell him that he looks fine, but he interrupts rather quickly. "You know what, don't say anything. I brought the bow-tie as a backup. It's upstairs in the guest bedroom. I'll go put it on."

You grab his arm just as he's about to leave, noting the plate full of chicken wings precariously balanced on one hand. "Namjoon. Chill. Your tie looks fine. I was only asking because I would strangle myself if I wore one all the time. Now gimme some of that chicken."

His eyes dart from you to the plate in his hand and his anxiety seems to visibly melt away, replaced with a soft smile. "I'm overthinking again, huh?"

The words have never come easier than they do now. "No shit, Sherlock."

At that he offers a laugh. "How about a trade? I share the wings for access to the princess's treasury of peaches."

"Deal," you agree with a smirk, wiggling your eyebrows up and down. "Wanna people-watch with me?"

He nods enthusiastically as he tosses a handful of fresh fruit directly from your plate into his mouth. "I was gonna wander aimlessly and socialize but this sounds way better."

"Glad we're on the same page," you murmur into the chicken wing at your lips, sucking the sauce off of it and scanning the room for any particular eye-catching costumes.

The flash of red, flowing satin catches your eye. Is someone wearing a bathrobe? Seriously? The taste of hot buffalo sauce causes your lips to tingle as you note the soft, fuzzy edges of the robe. It looks comfy, actually.

You elbow Namjoon in the ribs, directing his attention to the slender, black-haired figure gliding across the room. Namjoon opens his mouth as if to identify the stranger, but the flourish of the robe beats him to it. As the material spins, you catch a glimpse of tan skin peeking out from the chest, long legs exposed as he reaches for the sash at his waist.

The silk billows as it comes undone, cascading to the floor like a river of crimson. There's no mistaking it. You're now staring at the nearly nude, half-painted body of Kim Taehyung. You can't help the way you jaw drops open at the sight of so much skin being flaunted seemingly without a care in the world. Namjoon's hand flies up to cover your eyes, as if he's going to spare you the sight you've already taken in. Now that you've seen Taehyung in a thong, there's no going back.

Sauce-covered fingers pry his away from your eyes just in time to meet the piercing gaze of the man across the room. Is it mirth or anger that graces his features? It's hard to tell with a paintbrush trapped in the box his teeth make. He takes lazy strides across the room as you struggle to keep your eyes off the unforgiving fabric outlining every last curve of his dick. It's not until he's closer that you notice the thin belts crossing his hips, which appear to be holding six tubes of paint, three strapped to each side like gun-holsters. You have to admit they frame his crotch rather nicely.

It takes every ounce of willpower you possess to keep your eyes trained on his face. He carefully takes the paintbrush out from between his teeth and extends it to you. "Draw something pretty on me, Y/N. You too, Joon. Tonight I'm a human canvas on display for the universe."

Your eyebrow quirks as you exchange a look with Namjoon and set your plate down. "You know people are just going to draw a bunch of dicks on you, right?"

He scoffs, waving off your concerns. "Don't be so negative. I will have a beautiful mural by the end of the night. Mark my words."

"I think you're putting too much trust in the goodness of human nature," Namjoon comments, his lips pressing together in an attempt to hide the amused grin that is quickly spreading across his features.

Taehyung cocks his head to the side and leans forward with a lopsided grin. You're afraid he's about to get even closer and whisper some dirty secret into your ear. Instead he asks in a breathy, low tone, "Princess Zelda wouldn't draw such dirty things on me, would she?"

Twirling the thick handle of the paintbrush between your fingers, your eyes dip to the paints secured at his waist. His eyes chase the trail yours make down his side and his delight splits his mouth into a goofy grin. "Oh. Help yourself." He gestures to the colors available with a sweep of his hands just above his hips. "Feel free to use your fingers instead.” He pauses when your mouth falls open slightly. “You know, to paint... Just be careful what you grab, Princess," he jokes.

Removing your other glove with your teeth, you drape them over your shoulder and reach out for the tube of yellow paint, trying to hide the way your hand trembles. He looks down and smiles as the cold paint touches his skin. Before long you have the faint shape of 3 triangles at the center of his chest.

“How fitting,” he murmurs, offering an amused hum as you fill in the last triangle with a glob of yellow that threatens to run down his torso.

“Oops, sorry,” you apologize, moving to tap the brush against the excess, but he grabs your wrist before the bristles can make contact with his skin again.

“That’s alright. Let it do what it does. I like it like this,” he says, watching the clump of paint slowly slide down his midriff. “Besides I’m sure someone else can use it.”

“Like Sherlock!” you suggest, holding the paintbrush out for your companion.

Namjoon takes it begrudgingly and uses the excess yellow to draw a small smiley face beside the triforce symbol.

“Cute,” Taehyung laughs as he takes the paintbrush back from Namjoon. “I love it. Thanks guys.”

Just as he turns to find his next artist, a long object bars his path, pressing against his chest just above the collarbone. You follow the shape of the bar to its owner, revealing a grinning Hoseok clad in an officer’s uniform.

“That’s a bold choice Taehyungie,” he says, securing the faux nightstick into a loop at his waist. “Just make sure you keep that thing on…” He gestures to the small bit of material at Taehyung’s crotch and holds up a pair of handcuffs with his index finger before continuing, “or I’ll have to arrest you for indecent exposure.”

“Impersonating an officer is a crime, you know,” Namjoon says, even as he’s reaching out to touch the shiny metal. “Wait. Where did you get these? Are they real?”

You squint at the device in Namjoon’s hands, looking for the safety release latch like the cheap pair you bought to use with your ex. You don’t see it. That can only mean that these are the kind where losing the keys would have real consequences. But you’re not about to out yourself as the kinky freak you are, so you bring your nearly forgotten drink to your lips and guzzle what’s left in the cup.

As the empty plastic hits the table, your eyes happen to trail across the room and land on a crowd of people gathering around a very impressive, fully-lit Iron Man costume. Jimin seems to be soaking the attention up as the crowd grows ever larger. The massive room has begun to diminish in size, and it’s as though the once comforting lights are now wilting and closing in on you, threatening to strangle the air from your lungs. The adrenalin spiking your veins is telling you it’s time to seek the comfort of open space and solitude. Fast.

You duck beneath Namjoon and Hoseok’s arms, carefully sidestepping around Taehyung to avoid brushing against the wet paint on his skin. “I’m gonna get some air. Try not to get cuffed, Sherlock,” you manage to joke with a smile before turning on your heels and booking it from the room.

If anyone responds to your joke or even acknowledges your exit at all, it’s lost on your ears. Sweat beads on the back of your neck as you hastily attempt to make your way down the hall. If you can just get outside, you can breathe. You’ll be fine. You know it.

Warm bodies clutter the path to your freedom and you can’t help but feel more and more breathless by the never-ending apologies spewing from your mouth as you squeeze past each blockade. You don’t feel like yourself, even as you speak. Taking in sharp, greedy breaths like this isn’t helping. Why is this place so devoid of oxygen? Your body moves on autopilot, seeing the faces of the people you pass, but not feeling their eyes on you.

You float out of the front door, your head as light as a feather, but your eyelids feel like they’ve been anchored. You’re positive you’re about to gracefully glide down the front steps, legs becoming amorphous blobs beneath you that will surely allow you to fly. Just as you’re leaning into the momentum of gravity, two pairs of hands steady your shoulders and criss-cross around your midriff.

“Deep breaths,” Jennie’s voice briefly cuts through the ringing in your ears.

“Do you need to sit down?” The other voice spills into your eardrum as a rushed whisper, one that’s dripping with concern.

Huh? You work on steadying your breathing instead of trying to answer.

“What did she drink?” the familiar voice asks Jennie, the brief flicker of panic quashed by the evenness of his tone. “How much has she had?”

“Relax, Yoongi. Not even our lightweight champion gets drunk that fast,” Jennie reassures him as they help you seat yourself on the top step. “Are you familiar with panic attacks?”

Yoongi rubs the back of his neck and nods silently, backing up to give you some space.

“Jennie. I’m fine now. Thank you,” you mumble, shaking your head and regaining your sense of self. “I’m glad you have my back.”

“Of course. I saw you in the hall and I just knew.”

You jump when you meet the gaze of her white, eerie contacts, which causes both her and Yoongi to laugh. You look up at Yoongi. He shoves his hands into his pockets, long flowing shirt obscuring any flesh poking out from beneath it.

“Hey, you’re not dressed up,” you blurt, realizing he’s sporting a very goth, natural Yoongi look.

He scoffs before bending at the waist and baring his teeth. A single vampire fang is affixed to one of his canines.

You tilt your head like a dog hearing a strange noise. “What, only one fang?”

“Just as dangerous, princess,” he warns with a smirk, standing up straight.

You swear you see a wink, but then again maybe you’re imagining it. You have been known to exaggerate things in your head. Still your stomach somersaults and you focus your attention on Jennie. “I’m okay. I think I’m gonna chill out here for a bit. Get back in there and dance with… god what was his name? Jackson? Jae-beom?”

“Jin-young,” she corrects before biting her lip and glancing back towards the house.

“Go. Hottie McYoungie won’t wait forever,” you tease and point your thumb over at the man hovering above you. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine with toothless over here.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at the nickname but nods at Jennie. The answer seems to be satisfactory and she gifts you with a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Love you. Now go get laid.” You whisper to her before playfully pushing her back. Before you know it she’s scrambling up the steps and slips back inside, tattered dress swinging wildly with the sway of her hips, revealing just enough of her fishnet-clad thighs to draw Yoongi’s attention. There’s a fraction of a second where he wets his lips as he watches her go, but it’s gone in the blink of an eye. You don’t have time to tease because his dark eyes fall to you.

“Is there anything I can do?” His face is stoic but you can hear the sincerity in his tone.

“Wanna take a walk with me? I’d like to keep away from the big crowd.”

“I know the perfect place,” he says, hopping down from the steps and offering you his hand.

You take it with a smile and rise to your feet, carefully moving down the steps as you dust off your butt. The night air is a bit chilly and you start to work your gloves back up your arms to fight the goosebumps forming there.

That’s when you hear it. You want to misread the sound for a flute, recorder, oboe, or even someone’s radio, but you know those are all incorrect assumptions. It’s an ocarina: an ocarina playing a crude rendition of the opening to ‘Gas Pedal.’

Turning slowly, nothing can prepare you for the sight before you. Jungkook stands on the top step of the porch dressed in a green cap and tunic, tan leggings, and the ugliest dark brown boots you’ve ever seen in your life. He’s got the ocarina nestled between his lips, slowly descending each step with a roll of his hips that accentuates the definition of muscles behind the thin material hugging the shape of his legs.

Your eyes are wide, mouth falling open in surprise. “Jungkook?”

As he jumps down the last step he stops the tune and cups the ocarina in his hands, bowing slightly. “Princess.”

“What are you doing?” you ask, biting back the intimidated voice in your head that’s telling you you’re being picked on.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he asks in a low tone, a crooked smile crossing his features as he takes a few tempered steps towards you.

You swallow. How are you supposed to answer that? You take a deep breath, trying to drive off the urge to run as he advances on you. Yoongi takes a few steps back and folds an arm over his torso, cupping his elbow as he brings a knuckle to rest against his mouth with intrigue. He couldn’t hold out for one more day? Should I step in? He brings his weight to the front of his foot, ready to diffuse the situation.

“It looks like you’re trying to fuck with me.” You stand your ground, clasping your gloved fingers and calmly resting them against your dress in true Zelda fashion.

Yoongi’s weight shifts back, retracting the step he had taken. A direct accusation isn’t exactly something he would have expected from you, but he finds himself pleased nonetheless. He certainly chose a difficult target this time.

Jungkook gets close enough that you can see the tick of his jaw and the part of his lips as he drags his eyes across your form, settling on the cleavage created by your corset. “Some of those words were right.” He pauses, leaning to whisper against the shell of your ear. “Can you guess which ones, Princess?”

Heat consumes your face as his posture straightens. He doesn’t budge past the space he’s already claimed as his, but he doesn’t move forward again to invade yours. He watches, basking in the full on show your face puts on for his own entertainment. First comes the confusion, next realization, and then shame.

It’s hard to tell if he’s coming onto you or picking on you. You swallow, throat growing drier by the second. “You knew I was coming as Zelda. Weren’t you coming as something else?”

He throws his head back enough to feign exasperation while keeping his eyes trained on you. “Come on. You don’t like my costume?”

Instead of giving you time to answer, he brings the ocarina back to his lips and blows an obnoxious amount of air through the hollow space inside, producing a piercing rendition of ‘Talk Dirty to Me.’

Your shoulders raise as you inhale, suppressing the irritation bubbling within your belly. You wince, turning your head as a particularly shrill note escapes the instrument. Yoongi’s expression sours as he plugs both ears with his fingers.

Jungkook immediately stops playing and offers a sheepish grin. “Oops. I learned that one for you. Maybe I need more practice. Do you want to help me?” He briefly pauses to wet his lips, presenting the ocarina to you. “I can show you how to blow.”

You grind your teeth as your jaw ticks back and forth a few times before answering, “No thanks.”

Yoongi silently tents his fingers over his forehead and tries to massage the secondhand embarrassment from his skull. This is a trainwreck waiting to explode and at this point there’s no looking away.

Jungkook raises his eyebrows at you as he stuffs the ocarina into a small brown pouch hanging from the flimsy belt at his waist. “Ah. Sorry, Princess. I don’t mean to insult you. You’ve probably already mastered the art. Hah. Maybe you could show me a thing or two?”

Unable to form a proper response, your lips purse as the wheels in your head spin. Say something clever. Think of a comeback. Something. Come on. But here you stand, mind blanking for even the simplest of clapbacks. You’re having trouble coming to terms with the fact that your innocent little crush on the once “sweet” Kookie has come crumbling down with his facade, leaving your chest aching with the humiliation of your naivety.

He looks you over, admiring the artistry in the gown you’ve lovingly crafted. For a moment he’s lost in the embroidery stitched into the sash swaying in the breeze of a chilly October night. “I love your…” he trails off, eyes darting across your shape to capture every last detail of your attire.

He pays special mind to the gems adorned at your hips, and the heavy-looking chain belt which links the sash to your dress. He marvels over the color and velvet texture chosen for the purple corset at your torso. The sheer attention to detail and craftsmanship in your costume stuns him into silence for half a second.

His eyes reach the perky mounds of flesh peeking over the top of the corset. Miraculously his voice resurfaces. “...costume.”

The way his dark eyes linger on your chest isn’t lost on you. Your cheeks burn in the cool air, despite the goosebumps littering your arms. You cross your arms over your chest, higher than you normally would to combat his lurid gaze. The green hat atop his head folds over itself as he cocks to one side. Dark, hungry eyes snap to yours, voicelessly pouting at your blockade. For a split second a guilty excitement pulses through you, but you’ll be damned if you’re the cause of an obviously already inflated ego.

“You never said what you think of mine,” he prods. His eyebrows wiggle up and down as he slowly runs his hands along his torso, as if feeling himself up is going to sway your opinion.

You tell yourself not to fall for it, that he’s playing you for a fool right now. Still, your jaw is tight as your eyes helplessly follow the flow of his fingers down his body. His pinky purposefully catches on the flimsy pleather strap acting as the belt at his waist. An impish grin spreads across his face as he notes the way your chest stutters out the breath you’d unknowingly held. Satisfied, his hands continue their languid journey down his body. Your eyes are glued to the way he traces the contours of his thighs.

Finally his fingers dig into the meat of his those muscles and you feel the need to look away before answering. “I hate it.”

He sighs. “Hate is a strong word. Are you sure that’s how you really feel? Why don’t you look at me when you say that?”

Strengthening your resolve, you force your eyes back to his smug face. Stupid doesn’t even begin to cover how you’re feeling at this point. Biting back tears, you swallow hard and do your best to remain composed. Here he stands, a crooked smile amplifying the air of arrogance surrounding him. He’s playing you. He’s been playing you this whole time hasn’t he?

“I don’t even know who you really are, do I?” your voice cracks, only adding to your humiliation.

“I’m the bad guy. Duh.” With that he cackles as he pulls the ocarina from his pouch, proceeding to play the melody from ‘Bad Guy.’

You spin on your heels and storm past Yoongi, the blood rushing through your ears in a distraught rage, drowning out the bitter sound of the notes. A pang of guilt strikes the half-assed vampire as he stares at his friend. “One more day. You couldn’t make one more day?”

Jungkook shrugs, making his way back up the stairs. “If you see Hobi, tell him I’ll have his money tomorrow.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Dragging your hands across your face, you keep your gaze cast towards the ground.

How fucking idiotic, how self-absorbed have you been to assume that he’s been nice because he likes you and not because he was playing some game with you? He's probably just been waiting for an opportunity like this and you fell right into his trap. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

A hand clamps down on your shoulder and you spin, ready to deck the person you assume to be Jungkook. Yoongi's eyebrows raise as you stand poised to punch. He ducks to the side just in time. As you realize your mistake, it's too late. The momentum brings you forward.

His arms come up around you in a soft embrace, one that you're quick to return. "It's just me," he mumbles, kneading his thumb against your back. "...Sorry."

You bury your face into his shoulder, allowing the tiara to slip from your head and hit the soft ground with a dull thud. Why is he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong. You want to tell him that, but any sound you make might bring about a slew of tears you've been holding back. Instead you just squeeze your arms around him even tighter.

He awkwardly pats your back a few times, not quite knowing what to do with the hug that's lasting longer than anticipated. Sensing his discomfort, you pull away and adjust your wig as you offer an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."

A figure approaches, bending down to pick up the forgotten adornment. Out of the corner of your eye you see him rub the dirt off the tiara. Jin carefully places it on your head. "A princess should have a crown."

You look him over, noting the giant overalls, red newsboy cap and hideous fake mustache. You can't help but laugh as he forces a hard blink and puckers his lips, alternating lifting sides of his mouth so the mustache comically tweaks itself in a seesaw motion. "I like your costume," you manage between giggles.

He grins back, donning an over-the-top Italian accent. "I a-like-a yours too! A beautiful costume for a beautiful a-woman."

"Please stop," Yoongi groans.

Jin ignores him, fiddling with the corner of his mustache. "I don't-a know where my brother went. I think he's a-scared of the haunted mansion."

You roll your eyes at the joke. That's right. Jungkook was supposed to be Luigi. "He's busy playing a dick for the night."

A look of realization washes over him and he nods, puffing out air through overly inflated cheeks. "Hmm. You know what might-a make you feel better? Helping me scare-a the pants off of people!"

He folds his elbow and holds it out for you, tempting you to lace yours around it. Channeling your bruised ego and hurt feelings into scaring people for fun? That might just work. You feed your elbow through the crook in his. "Zelda and Mario working together."

Jin laughs. "The dream-a team!" He makes a motion to skip towards the outer entrance to the basement that he's dressed up with spiderwebs and a large, hand-made sign that says "MARIO'S GHOST HOUSE." Beside the entrance is a giant blown-up decoration of King Boo, its pink tongue flapping in the breeze.

As you're tugged in the direction of his creation, he stops abruptly. "Oh, we haven't had that many people though. So we have to make the few that come through count!"

Yoongi's eyes light up. "Hey. I’ve got an idea. I’ll get you a the best customer. But you have to really scare him. I promise it will make your night."

Puzzled, you furrow your brows and tilt your head. “Okay…?”

Jin grins like a maniac as Yoongi makes his way towards the front of the house. “Come on. I’ll show you the best spots to hide.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

About twenty minutes have passed since Yoongi left in search of his promised customer. Only a few people have wandered in. You have to admit it’s therapeutic to watch people scream and jump when you bang on the false walls within the maze Jin has somehow constructed in this basement. Watching people run up the final stairs to safety leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction, always giving Jin a prideful high-five before returning to the beginning to await more guests.

“Ah! My-a new-a guests!” you hear Jin enthusiastically greet the latest people to stop at the entrance. “Are you a-ready to have fun?”

There’s some hushed whispering that you can’t quite make out from your hiding place within the set.

“Don’t be such a pussy,” Yoongi chides loudly. “Seokjin made this. Do you really think it’s that scary?”

“P-Pussy?” Hoseok stares wide-eyed at his friend and scoffs. “Don’t be rude. I just know Seokjin. It will be worse than whatever I think”

Is that Hobi? You were kind of hoping Yoongi would get Jungkook to walk through. Knowing what you do now though, you have no doubt that Jungkook would be unphased by something like this. All you can hear in your head is the echo of his obnoxious laughter and a pang of hurt slices through your heart. God, you’re so stupid.

Yoongi points to the Boo’s tongue flapping in the wind. “It will be like that, probably. It’s silly to be so afraid.”

Hoseok bounces from foot to foot in uncertainty. Even a police uniform can’t steel his spine or guarantee safety. “Why should I do this to myself?”

Yoongi sighs. “I’ll help you look at new places and… help you move. I’ll even be your roommate if the rent is too high.”

Hoseok is beaming. How long has he been asking for help searching? Jin looks from one man to the other, hiding the subtle smile beneath his mustache. He knew Hoseok wouldn’t go in so easily, that something had to be offered up, but he really didn’t expect Yoongi to go so far.

Hoseok points at Jin. “You’re my witness. I go through this and he’s my roommate.”

“If the rent is too high only,” Yoongi tries to reason, but it’s too late. Hoseok has heard what he wants to hear. He grabs his friend and marches into the depths of the basement.

Immediately you bang the walls on their journey down, feeling Jin rush past you to set up for the next scare. Hobi screams. “Never mind! Never mind!”

Yoongi scoffs, dragging his friend forward. “Come on, officer.”

You listen for their footsteps as you circle the walls behind the maze. Hobi’s frantic yelling breaks through the room, slipping into loud curses. You pull your glove up and wait, peeking through the hole you’re hoping he’ll get close enough to. Even shrouded in shadows, Yoongi’s form peeks out from around the corner.

“Don’t think about the dark,” Yoongi says, slowly shuffling towards the wall with Hoseok crouched behind him, using him as a shield from any more scares. “Think about how you bet Jungkook he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get in Y/N’s pants, not even for one month.”

You freeze. Yoongi knows you can hear him, right? He has to know.

“Think about how well he was doing. You would have been cleaning his house tomorrow. Maid Hobi, bound by servitude.”

“I know…” Hoseok groans. “It would have been awful. He’s so messy! I wouldn’t even be getting paid! What was I thinking?”

“But instead, he bet you a month’s rent that he could,” Yoongi continues loudly. “He blew it tonight for the chance to dress up as Link and tease Zelda. He only had one more day.”

“He’s a dumbass,” Hobi comments with a nod, turning to look at the ceiling and making sure nothing is going to drop down on him.

You swallow, taking in the revelation Yoongi has just bestowed upon you. All this time you had spent thinking Jungkook was a sweet gentleman was actually due to Hoseok making a bet with him? You would rather have known Jungkook was a dick straight up because now the innocent, harmless crush you have on him feels so dirty and foul that you wish you could swipe it from existence.

It’s Jungkook’s fault. He lied. He pretended. You know this. But still you can’t help but partially blame Hobi for the bitter taste in your mouth. As Yoongi passes, you reach out, letting your fingers swipe down Hobi’s forearm and retract through the hole in the wall as he lets out a high-pitched scream.

“Hoseok, get off.” Yoongi tries to push away the man climbing onto his back.

“Something grabbed me! Something grabbed me!” Hoseok wraps his legs around Yoongi’s waist and huddles close to his neck pointing. “Over there! It grabbed me from over there!”

“Let’s keep moving, then.”

“No! No more! I’m standing right here until the sun comes up.”

“How is it standing if your feet aren’t touching the ground? I won’t carry you all night,” Yoongi says, adjusting his stance to compensate for the weight on his back.

“You will, too,” he pouts.

Jin helps you position a furry spider decoration above them, slowly dangling it lower until it finally hits Hoseok’s shoulder. The wail that escapes this grown ass man almost makes you feel bad. Almost. He swats the creature into darkness as he spurs Yoongi on by digging his heels into his belly. “Get me out of here! Please!”

Jin’s shoulders move up and down with the sound of his laughter as he slaps your hand in victory. Scaring Hobi made you feel a little better at least.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

The party has died down quite a bit and at this point Jimin has been passing you far too many drinks as he and Namjoon regale you with tales from college. Namjoon is clearly feeling toasty, laughing like a dork at every memory Jimin brings up. Apparently they were roommates and Jimin has a liberal arts degree from four years of being undecided.

Your head lolls around to rest on Namjoon’s shoulder, your backs pressed against the bottom of the couch as Jimin sits cross-legged in sweats and a t-shirt on the floor before you, his costume laying discarded beside him. He’s spinning his latest story of how Namjoon had accidentally thrown up on some girl he really liked. Yoongi silently lays on the couch behind you, smirking with his eyes closed. You can’t tell if he’s sleeping or just relaxing as you struggle to stand, using Namjoon’s shoulder as leverage to prop yourself up.

“Bathroom?” you ask distractedly, searching the room like a door will appear if you look hard enough.

Jimin smiles pointing at the doorway across the room. “Go out that door, take a left down the hall. It’ll be on your right.”

Your head dips a bit as you try to take in the directions. Namjoon looks up at you as you stumble forward, clearly off-balance. “Do you need some help, geeksquad?”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, hating the nickname he’s given you from work. “I’ll be right back. Don’t drink my drink.” You narrow your eyes at Jimin and he blinks at you in surprise, like you’ve accused him of such a heinous, unthinkable crime.

Rounding the corner, you pass a grinning Taehyung being led upstairs by a cute girl in a red beret, black and white striped shirt, and miniskirt with suspenders. Art hoe? Mime? It’s hard to tell what her costume might be. While his skin is covered in a beautiful mess of colors, your tri-force symbol still stands untouched at the center of his chest. You smile as you watch him climb the steps, clearly distracted. But as his back is revealed, your eyes widen at the sight of a mural of painted dicks. Well. At least he can’t see them.

You walk down the hall for what feels like an eternity, passing a few closed doors on either side. Maybe you should try one? Knocking on the one closest to you once, the door swings in and you lose your balance, not expecting it to open.

“What took you so long? I almost came without you.” The voice is pouty and low, somewhat familiar. He gasps when he realizes you’re not the person he’s been waiting for.

You stumble forward, falling to your knees and catching the bed frame before your face smacks into the wood. As graceful as you can manage, you pull yourself up. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t realize it was open and I was just looking for the---” The will to speak leaves you as soon as you see him.

A very sweaty, very naked Jungkook crosses his arms and he leans back expectantly, smushing the pillows behind him into the headboard. Your eyes take in the pleased expression on his face, quickly scanning the muscles of his folded arms, his chiseled abs, his bulging legs. The pointy green hat he had been wearing earlier tents across his sculpted hips and pelvis, thankfully obscuring any shape hidden beneath it.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight,” he says, licking his lips as he watches your form tremble, practically falling apart in front of him before adding, “...Princess.”

A devilish grin overtakes him at the sight of you spinning around a little too fast, staggering towards the door and holding onto the frame for dear life. “I hoped I wouldn’t see you again tonight.”

“I can’t say it isn’t a nice surprise. You don’t have to leave,” he coaxes. “Do you wanna see my Master Sword?”

“Grow up!” You make sure to slam the door shut behind you. You hate him so fucking much it hurts.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

“Jennie, how could I be so wrong about him?” you sigh, dropping your forehead against the kitchen table. It’s been three weeks since you’ve talked to him, but it’s still the only thing you can think about.

Jennie takes a sip from her beer. “Sweetie, you’re not good at reading liars. Maybe you should look at some dating apps. You could get good read quick.”

“But I don’t wanna,” you whine into the coated wood. “Why can’t people just be nice?”

“Because. People suck. Come on, Y/N. Jungkook ain’t worth the headache. Drink with me. I’ll show you how Tinder works. It’s not so bad.”

When you don’t say anything, she tugs your chair across the floor, dragging your form close to hers and setting her phone down on the table. You peek out at the screen as you raise your head and rest it on a lazy elbow.

“Swipe right on the hotties. Swipe left on the fuckboys and losers. Jungkook? He’s a swipe left. But look at all these good ones on here. These are all swipe righties.”

You nod as she goes through a few profiles and begin downloading the app on your phone. Maybe she’s onto something.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you

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entropic-introspection · 3 years

Text

Final Fantasy XIV: A Quick(ish) Summary As Told By Someone Too Lazy To Recheck Exact Times/Things

1.0- We don't talk about it

A Realm Reborn (ARR)- for some strange reason the world got like, completely blown up 5 years ago, crazy! You are some dumb kid from nowhere in particular, with nothing but the clothes on your back and a weapon that is little more than a chunk of wood, or a book. Possibly just your fists. You have got 50 levels and a shitload of lore to get through until you reach the first expansion.

Essentially: you don't have enough money for chicken nuggets, your fashion game is nonexistent, and every high level player calls you a sprout and exhibits Concern about your every action (they mean well).

Garlemald bad, Ascians bad, Eorzea uhhh trying to be good but kinda racist/capitalist/pirates with a history of colonialism, Coerthas is French Catholic and in the Crusades with the dragons. Hydaelin... good? Confusing, for sure, often referred to as Mother in text. Primals bad and scary, but fortunately you are immune to their mind-fuckery techniques thanks to Crystal Mom and surprisingly good at kicking their asses. Garleans mad that you ""savages"" keep killing Primals, despite having a whole mandate against Primals and Primal summoning. Ascians mad that you keep killing Primals because Ascians are dicks. People die, there is an amnesia plot, some annoying twerp is annoyingly right about a lot of things and also you can't get rid of him, Moogles, possession, fucking Ancient Aliens Allagans (if it's a problem in ARR, it's Ascians or Allagans aight), and hey ho you go and kick Garlean asses until they throw a giant machine at you that they stuffed full of Primal juice. Such devastation-!

Then there is the slightly post ARR stuff, where we're still level 50-ish but not really into the next expansion. So basically, we meet Dragon Dad who slaps Crystal Mom's blessing off of you to build character, Ascians are once again dicks, Who The Hell Names These Things, wow Lysanderoth you're definitely not suspicious at all, and our annoying twerp is dabbling in politics and for some reason you're getting fond of him?? Just in time for...

Heavensward (Lvl 50-60)- Congratulations, you are now an enemy of the state! We return/flee to French Catholic Coerthas/Ishgard, where we get to room with our Dear Friend, Haurchefant.

Don't mind how all the high leveled players have started crying. This expansion is emotionally devastating, has a great storyline, and also features canonical consensual dragon vore as a plot point. You know that tweet that's all "Church bad because they won't let you fuck dragons"? Yes, that's Heavensward. You will still cry. We embark on an epic road trip with the annoying twerp (ft his existential teenage crisis), a famous dragon killer and sadboi, and a famous lady who advocates peace/fucking dragons. Somehow, none of you kill each other. Instead, you murder a weirdly attractive bug-man with good music and a desire for violence, a giant flying whale, and some old dudes. You also beat up the same Ascian from the first bit, again. And again, in his final(?) form. Dragon Dad has come along to watch your progress, and also check on his kids cause he's actually, y'know, the entire progenitor of the dragon race. Wow! His family is very sad, mostly. But he does like you, so hey, he can adopt you and have one kid that turned out ok and happy! Hahahahha there's no therapists in Eorzea :')

Then we get to deal with "Hey we ended your like 500 year+ Crusade and kind of upended your social structures, y'all good?" (no), something something Warriors of Darkness, something something Urianger sus, then ALISAIE JOINS THE PARTY. I love her ok, let me have this. She's the annoying twerp's twin, and she's more inclined to hitting things that politics and philosophy. She's also kind of crushing on you. Also Minfillia kinda fucks off to nowhere, which is weird, b/c she has been Important but also Not Involved with the plot for like. 8 years.

Stormblood (Lvl 60-70)- Return of Lysanderoth! Briefly. Before he fucks you over, again. And a bunch of other people, honestly. But hey, this puts Eorzea in open contention with Garlemald for the first time in years, instead of them hovering in an uneasy cold war. For the first goddamn time in the game, you canonically get your ass kicked. Hard. So hard you decide fuck it! And go overseas to Fantasy Japan/China to visit some nice people you helped out earlier. You get catfished. You meet a weeb. There's some pirates, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There's Ravana take 2, this time in a slightly more 'Forever 21' phase. Wild, young, free, REJOICE.

You attempt to inspire rebellion (since your character doesn't talk much, this is quite difficult). Garleans crack down, and hey look, the dude who kicked your ass is back! Prince Zenos Yae Galvus, as by this point you've hopefully learned, even if you're bad with names like me. He kicks your ass again, but this time we break his helmet, and wait shit is he... kind of hot? Maybe? Fuck?? He pins you to a wall and tells you to find him later, it's all confusing and prompts strange butterflies in stomachs. (Side note: as a lesbian, I am making some assumptions here. Mostly based off of how I reacted to the idea of Tsukuyomi doing the same. Mm.)

Then he promptly fucks off, and to work off that sexual tension you square up and work with local friends on Rebellion! You get help from some neighboring nomads after proving you're cool enough to tame a bird, and this proves enough to free the area from Garlean control (for now). We go back to Eorzea, and prepare to kick Zenos' head in. He's playing hard to get though, so we gotta get through some other folks, learn hard lessons about war/colonization, and feel bad. AND THEN WE KICK HIS- oh no wait. Is he... coming on to us again? Oh jesus man, get a therapist, oh my god, this is awkward for us both. Turns out he's kinda depressed and just wants you. To fight him. To the death. There is some bullshittery and he becomes dragon. Fails to kill you, so he kills himself. (Spoiler: it doesn't stick)

The Garlean Empire is now pissed off at you, and Eorzea in general. Everyone is kung-fu fighting, but oops, Garlemald is preparing to commit ~war crimes~! Someone is doing something weird, which is making your Scion friends fall into comas, which is both very convenient and highly inconvenient, cause all of you are kinda needed right now! Zenos, or something in his body, is causing trouble as well. Look, even when we thought he was dead he was causing trouble.

Shadowbringers (Lvl 70-80): We find out what's been making our friends pass out- someone from another dimension has been trying to yoink you over to them, and like all attempts at using the Rescue spell, it just sometimes leads to hilarious accidents. In this case, some epic lag, so although your friends have only been out of it for a week or two at most, they've been in this other world for 5 whole years in some cases. Turns out, Garlean war crimes are all an Ascian plot (what isn't, by this point), and mysterious Crystal Exarch is hoping you can save this world and your own.

At this point, Yoshi P, the lead developer, pulls out a gun and asks if you've been doing all those side-quests and optional 48 man raids. He worked very hard on those, you know. He put in lots of lore. Then he asks if you remember all those dangling plot hooks from previous expansions. We're addressing a lot of those. And adding more. You are sweating and nodding frantically while scrolling a wiki on your phone.

You get to feel like you're in an Otome game, because there's two dudes being weirdly polite and interested in you, but also real snappish to each other in terms of "fuck off she's mine". Alisaie and Alphinaud off-screen character development. Urianger still sus. Thancred now a dad? Y'shtola still so good. A lot of things happen, and you get progressively sadder as the expansion goes on. You get a nice, great big burst of hope and love, and then SOMEONE is a DICK with a GUN. (It is not Yoshi P.)

Now you just feel bad. Your character feels bad. This is all build up for the A) some motherfucking revelations and B) the utter catharsis of "If you could take one more step... would you?" "What, all by myself?" "THROW WIDE THE GATE"

I have shed legitimate tears over Shadowbringers ok, between the music, story, and pacing it is an Experience. Oh my god tho, all the music from Shadowbringers is so good. La-HEE

#ffxiv #theres some spoilers in there but its all p nondescript #again: i aint checking exact facts here folks this is all in good fun

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makeste · 4 years

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Who is the bitch in the first year hero courses most down for murder, do you think? Surprisingly, despite being the only one to actually MAKE death threats, I'm mot sure Bakugou is all that high up there? When you've got Todo freezing people from the inside out, Mushroom Girl choking people, Honenuki drowning people and dropping industrial chimneys on them etc etc... What would your rankings be?

what better way to spend a Sunday evening than by ranking all of U.A.’s first-year students by murder.

disclaimer: I am doing this for fun and this entire post is ridiculous so please do not take it too seriously. also just a heads up, this post contains some recent manga spoilers as well as a couple of spoilers for Heroes Rising. now then, let’s quantify these bloodthirsty little savages.

okay so despite being entirely too plus ultra for their own good, approximately 99% of these kids would never dream of doing any kind of permanent harm to another living being. so I’m just listing the first thirty in no particular order, and then we’ll get to ranking the top ten.

Aoyama

despite having that brief moment in chapter 167 where virtually everyone thought he was a serial killer, Aoyama is actually a good boy. a bit stalkerish, maybe.

Mina

Mina did dream up that one attack where Ochako floats her up in the air so that she can rain acid down on people, which is slightly homicidal. but she’s not a killer. honestly if she was we’d all be dead already. see: thicc Girl Noumu.

Tsuyu

if Tsuyu had ever killed someone she would have already told everyone all about it because she is open about these things so safe to say she is not a killer.

Ochako

all Ochako wants to do is help and support people. she can be pretty hardcore from time to time but my baby girl would never. not to say that villain wouldn’t be a good look on her. I still get a shiver up my spine remembering that one time Toga turned into her and demonstrated exactly how deadly her quirk could be.

Ojiro

nah. the worst thing Ojiro has ever done was throwing his empty plain yogurt cup into the wrong recycling bin by accident, and he felt terrible about it afterward.

Kaminari

real talk, Kaminari could very easily kill a ton of people with his quirk if he actually tried. but he hasn’t, because he is only two and is too busy learning his shapes and colors and leaving his lego duplo blocks all over the carpet for other people to trip on.

Kirishima

do I even have to justify this at all. duh Kirishima doesn’t murder people sorry to anyone who came into this post all excited to read a big paragraph going off about Kiri’s raw bloodlust. I don’t know what you expected.

Kouda

Kouda is probably deadlier than everyone thinks. imagine him commanding, say, a mob of giant hornets to swarm and kill someone. it’s a good thing he wouldn’t actually hurt a fly.

Satou

I sat here for a while thinking about what I could say about Satou. but just. can you picture him killing a guy? nah, me neither.

Shouji

one of the things I like about Shouji is that he looks older than he is, and kind of creepy, what with the masked face and the freaky tentacle arms and all the like. and so he very likely experienced some of that good old fashioned quirk racism growing up, and people were afraid of him and/or thought he would become a villain. but instead he decided to become a hero. and I think that says so much about Shouji’s character. it reminds me a lot of Shinsou; his desire to become a hero was so strong that he overcame prejudice and circumstances which could just have easily have led to him becoming a villain (and in fact, it’s not all that different from some of the actual villain backstories). anyway so yeah no murder for him.

Jirou

I think she would consider killing anyone who ever hurt Momo or Kami, but aside from that NO because she is a good pure girl who loves music and rocking out and putting smiles on people’s faces.

Sero

poor Sero is so not-murdery that when he does get pitted against someone with more murdery energy such as Todoroki, he basically gets immediately overwhelmed and everyone is just kind of wincing and then timidly applauding him and saying “good try.” that’s Sero’s life. he would just sit there and get murdered rather than going in for the kill. he’s a good bro.

Mineta

needs several restraining orders filed against him, but wouldn’t actually kill someone.

Momo

well one time she did explode a grenade in Aizawa’s face. but no.

Awase

now we have come to the 1-B kids. I will give brief descriptions in case you, like me, sometimes have trouble remembering their names. so, Awase! the welding, Momo-rescuing one. he is not murdery.

Sen

the rotating limbs one. one of the least murdery kids in the fairly murderous 1-B on account of his quirk is just too ridiculous. sorry Sen.

Kuroiro

the Tokoyami one. more likely to bore you to tears talking about death than actually kill someone. which is too bad because he honestly would make a pretty bitching assassin.

Kendou

would say she’s probably in the top fifteen. god I love her quirk so much. just want her to slap some bitches to death. but she probably wouldn’t.

Shishida

the growly monster one. he does get some bonus points for tending to lose control once he goes full beastmode and werewolfs out. and he is fairly deadly.

Shouda

the roly poly double smashy one. it’s actually only a matter of time before Shouda kills someone, most likely. his quirk is way too dangerous, and the thing is, it’s probably hard for him to tell how dangerous a particular impact is going to be beforehand. one of these days it’s gonna be way stronger than he intends and somebody’s neck is gonna get snapped.

Pony

never forget that time Pony stabbed Ojiro and Shouji like a dozen times and everybody was just cool with it.

Tsuburaba

the air platform one. he did try to suffocate Kouda that one time.

Tetsutetsu

only if he’s fighting Shouto. or teamed up with Shouto. then all bets are off as to whether or not he’s going to drill his superheated steel fist right through somebody’s face.

Tokage

the severed limbs one. she just has kind of a murdery vibe to her. stalking everyone with her various body parts. yuuugh. I bet if she did kill someone nobody would ever be able to prove it was her.

Manga

the speech bubble head one. is going to destroy so much public and private property once he’s set loose on the streets. but no deaths.

Bondo

the glue one. and nah, Bondo is cool.

Koudai

the Ant-Man one. doesn’t strike me as particularly murderous, I even went and reread her part of the joint training arc to confirm it. she’s fine.

Rin

the kung fu dragon one. not especially murdery. overall probably one of the least bloodthirsty in class 1-B in fact.

Shiozaki

the vines one. she’s extremely murdery. I can’t be the only one who thinks that, can I? Shiozaki scares the shit out of me. if I were Kaminari I would have nightmares about her.

Monoma

would murder every single member of class 1-A if he could. would be the criminal in a Detective Conan two-parter. would give a long monologue about always being the side character and never in the starring role until one day he finally couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. why does his hero costume make it look as though he’s going to steal a bunch of famous jewels out from under everyone’s noses. nah but I’m just kidding and Monoma would never actually kill someone. but one day he’s probably going to be framed for murder by a villain and Kendou and Shinsou will have to team up to defend him and catch the real culprit.

10. Yanagi

the creepy pale ghost-girl-looking one. contrary to what you are probably all thinking, her high ranking isn’t just because of her general horror film vibe, but also because she attempted to bludgeon Mina to death during the joint battle arc. but also yes it is because of her general horror film vibe.

9. Kamakiri

the stabby one. he’s up here because I’m pretty sure he tried to kill Jirou that one time. like what was he even gonna do if Bakugou hadn’t stepped in. though to be fair I don’t think he actually had his knives out at the time so maybe he was just gonna elbow her in the face or something idk.

8. Bakugou

I agree with you that Bakugou is much more bark than bite, anon. and not only is he remarkably careful and precise with his quirk and good at avoiding any collateral damage (and even better IMO ever since his supplementary training), I think that due to his various struggles with being perceived as a villain and also trying to find his own understanding of what being a hero means, he’s probably more self-aware than most of the other kids at this point when it comes to matters of “is this morally okay.” so in spite of his generally violent demeanor, I very much doubt he ever would or could actually kill someone. but he’s in the top ten because his high shounen protagonist levels do place him in the “would potentially go apeshit if and when something happened to someone he cares about” category, though. and also because he and Deku did basically attempt to disintegrate Nine, and then when Nine just dropped off the face of the earth afterwards, no one even bothered to wonder what had happened to him. which leads me to wonder if Deku and Katsuki straight up assume they did in fact kill him and just dgaf.

7. Deku

see above re: Nine. and also he may have to kill AFO one day. so while he probably wouldn’t be happy about it, I think he could still potentially do it. and also because he absolutely does lose his gotdamn mind every time someone hurts one of his friends, and especially Kacchan, and I could picture him just snapping if something really awful ever actually did happen. I don’t think it would in canon because it’s just way too dark, but I don’t think it’d be out of character if he did.

6. Iida

literally tracked down the villain who attacked his brother with the full intent of personally killing said villain once he got his hands on him. true, Shouto and Deku talked him out of it in the end, but still. that was some real motherfucking killing intent. also I will never forget the image of this kid sitting his ass down in middle of the woods and mutilating his own goddamn body without any anesthesia. listen, everyone. just please, for your own safety, do not fuck with Iida.

5. Shouto

and now we reach the top five. listen, feel free to disagree, but I stand firm in my belief that out of all the non-traitor and non-demon-possessed children in class 1-A, Todoroki Shouto is absolutely the most likely to straight up just kill a bitch one day. this boy froze a man from the inside out until a tower of fucking ice was jutting out of his fucking throat, and was all “go ahead and hibernate for a while” like excuse me, THE FUCK. and the thing is, this wasn’t just a one-time occurrence either; he literally pulls this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. froze an entire fucking building with his classmates in it and was all “feel free to bring it on but fighting without the soles of your feet will be painful.” heh. what the fuck. and do you all remember when he fought Sero and was in a bad mood so he iced half the fucking stadium. nearly killed a few people right then and there. “I got carried away.” whaaaaaaat. and I could go on and on; he nearly burned poor Shindou alive, and basically the entirety of chapter 205 could have been submitted as evidence in a court of law had that training battle against Tetsutetsu gone only slightly differently. basically Shouto is an entirely too realistic portrayal of a very sweet but marginally unstable boy with a completely broken power and a shitload of unresolved personal trauma which he is still working through.

4. Honenuki

somehow more murdery than Todoroki “HIBERNATE!!” Shouto. this is entirely because of chapter 205, formerly the most murdery chapter of the entire series, and dethroned only by the recent chapter 266 for obvious reasons. anyway so during the joint training battle, Honenuki bludgeoned Todoroki in the back of the head and would probably have let his unconscious body slump into the softened ground to drown had Iida not saved him. he then proceeded to drop a water tower on top of the both of them. a whole-ass water tower. this was a fucking training exercise. and Honenuki was the only one who kept his calm throughout the entirely of said exercise. and he was praised for his calm murdering skills afterward. because he was fucking awesome tbh. anyway but the point is this is supposed to be a hero school not an assassin school but I’m not really sure anymore you guys.

3. Tokoyami

my man would have straight up killed Moonfish in that forest and sure did try his best. he’s got the same issue as Todoroki in that his quirk is as powerful as it is unstable. and while he himself is not murdery, when Dark Shadow loses control, though… hooooh boy. I was gonna add something about him also interning under Takami “literally stabbed my friend in the neck for the greater good” Keigo, but I think that makes them both come off as more sinister than they actually are. I do think a big part of Tokoyami’s story is him overcoming his inner darkness and wresting control of it and mastering it, so I don’t think it’s very likely that he actually will kill someone in the story. but he’s got a murdery side, no two ways about it.

2. Toadette

straight up filled Tokoyami’s windpipe with mushrooms during a training exercise. he uses that to breathe, fyi. she then offered him a lozenge afterward. do not fuck with Toadette. do not. just don’t.

1. Hagakure

last but not least! Hagakure “hasn’t killed anyone officially but is also definitely the traitor” Tooru! y’all know how it is! I’m committed to this theory! I’d even be willing to put money on a reveal scene where she does just straight up kill someone, and that’s our cliffhanger establishing that the traitor is none other than! and this is coming up sooner than you might think too, guys. Horikoshi brought up the traitor again relatively recently during the Christmas Eve chapter, and that kind of foreshadowing isn’t for nothing. anyways I’m here for it though so bring on that body count you funky little turncoat.

so there you have it. my not-that-definitive definitive ranking of classes 1-A and 1-B by murderous inclination. there’s really not that much rhyme or reason to it tbh but this was fun, thank you anon!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #class 1-a #class 1-b #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #heroes rising spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #bnha meta #bnha ranking

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Best Martial Arts Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now

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Search ‘Martial Arts Movies’ on Amazon Prime and you’ll get over a thousand results ranging from the classics to the campy, to the critically acclaimed. It’s an overwhelming library for the uninitiated and the mother lode for stalwart fans of the genre. There are so many gems buried in Amazon Prime that digging out the favorites is dirty challenging work but extremely rewarding.

When it comes to martial arts, Amazon Prime has a killer Kung Fu collection. The ‘80s were the ‘Golden Era’ of Kung Fu films when Hong Kong film studios cranked out films faster than any grindhouse ever. Many Hong Kong filmmakers put out up to half a dozen films a year, and most have hundreds of credits on IMDb. This glut of Kung Fu films spread to every Chinatown ghetto theater on the planet. And like with horror, American networks broadcasted late night Kung Fu Theater shows because there was so much cheap content available.

Consequently, Amazon Prime’s Kung Fu film selection leans heavily that way, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t include some non-Chinese favorites too. Martial Arts movies cross over to all other genres and nations. There are comedies, romances, horror, fantasy, sci-fi, and art house films. From countless cheesy low-budget exploitations, many so funky that they’re totally awesome, to the brilliant ground-breaking works that are staggeringly sensational, here’s some classic jewels and hidden treasures currently included with Amazon Prime membership.

Fist of Fury (1972)

Despite his fame, Bruce Lee only lived to see three of his martial arts movies premiere because Enter the Dragon and Game of Death were released posthumously. His impersonators are innumerable, so many that Bruceploitation is its own genre.

But Fist of Fury is the real Bruce in all his nunchuck spinning glory. It’s loosely based on the history of the Chin Woo Athletic Association, which remains one of the largest international martial arts organizations to this day. When Bruce shattered the ‘No Dogs and Chinese Allowed’ sign with a soaring flying kick, it became a battle cry for the racially oppressed worldwide, firmly cementing Bruce as the world’s first Asian global superstar.

Come Drink with Me (1966)

Long before Charlize Theron went Atomic Blonde, Cheng Pei Pei blazed a path as Golden Swallow, the mysterious invincible swordswoman, and all female action heroines are in her wake. Fiercely independent and savagely lethal, Cheng delivers several sophisticated long-take fight scenes, the hallmark of real Kung Fu skill, with the poise and precision built upon her foundation in ballet. Cheng is remembered in Hollywood as Jade Fox from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and played the matchmaker in Disney’s live-action Mulan. Note that Amazon Prime also has the sequel, Golden Swallow, but it’s not nearly as good.

Once Upon a Time in China (1991)

This tour de force from director Tsui Hark and Jet Li launched a six-film franchise and a TV series. Jet plays Wong Fei-hung, a real-life folk hero and Kung Fu master who has been depicted in well over a hundred films and TV shows. Set during the late 19th century, the film examines themes of Western colonization and Chinese cults, and while blatantly nationalistic, it captures Jet in his martial prime and contains some of his finest fights.

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Amazon Prime also has Once Upon a Time in China II, which is an excellent sequel, however the third installment (not on Amazon Prime) falls apart, allegedly due to disputes between Jet and Hark.

Ashes of Time Redux (2008)

This was internationally acclaimed director Wong Kar-wai’s first stab at the martial arts genre. It’s sumptuously artsy and laboriously dystopic, not one to see for the action but the art. Based on a classic wuxia (wuxia is Chinese for martial arts genre books and film) titled The Eagle Shooting Heroes, Wong simultaneously filmed a parody titled after the book with the same cast. Wong did the Redux after the original print was lost, salvaging what was left, reediting and re-scoring it.

(Prime US only)

The Assassin (2015)

Director Hou Hsiao-hsien won Best Director at Cannes for this magnificent epic, which was also submitted as Taiwan’s Foreign Language entry at the Academy Awards. Starring the ever-glamorous Shu Qi, who made an early Hollywood crossover attempt with The Transporter, The Assassin is based on another wuxia tale that’s parallel to The Manchurian Candidate but instead of Korean brainwashing, it’s 9th century Chinese sorcery.

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Ninjas All The Way Down: The Mysterious World of Godfrey Ho

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The exquisite filmmaking makes this spectacular–panoramic landscapes, lavish costumes, intricately detailed sets, all gorgeous. Every shot is a stunning composition of light and shadow, and the camera lingers on each frame with ponderous and quiet respect, the kind that film students will gush over for years.

(Prime Video in the US, rent only in the UK)

Fearless Hyena (1979)

When people cite Rush Hour to reference Jackie Chan, it just goes to show they don’t know Jackie at all. Long before Jackie crossed over to Hollywood, he made dozens of films that truly captured his astounding Kung Fu skills, unrestricted by U.S. insurance liability. His late ‘70s period was particularly ripe because he was in peak physical shape and first creating his unique acrobatic comedies. Remember that chopstick dumpling training scene between Po and Shifu in Kung Fu Panda? In Fearless Hyena, Jackie and his shifu (James Tien) do it in live-action, no wires, no CGI, and the choreography is absolutely mind-blowing.

Wheels on Meals (1984)

Jackie Chan earned his Kung Fu prowess from being trained from childhood in traditional Chinese Opera. Many of his classmates also became stars in martial arts film. This is one of two collaborations between him and his two martial brothers, Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao (the other is Dragons Forever).

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Jackie Chan’s Hard Road to Hollywood

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A modern comedy shot in Barcelona, the chemistry between Jackie, Sammo and Yuen is magical as they bring the fastest three-person sparring scenes ever captured. On top of that, Jackie faces off against real-life kickboxing champion Benny ‘The Jet’ Urquidez in what is considered by many as the greatest fight scene ever filmed.

(US only)

Knockabout (1979)

Knockabout is Yuen Biao’s first lead role after dozens of supporting roles. His acrobatic skills are unparalleled, stronger than Jackie’s because his body frame is built like a gymnast. Sammo Hung’s girth has typecast him as villains and buffoons. Nevertheless, he’s a leading director and choreographer and serves as both in this film, on top of playing a comic beggar who trains Yuen in jump rope monkey Kung Fu (that’s right–jump rop –you have to see it to understand).

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Cobra Kai and the Legacy of The Karate Kid

By Gene Ching

It’s a slow build past some goofy comic hijinks, because Yuen’s skills improve over the course of the film. In a fight against Hoi Sang Lee, Yuen pummels so many goose-egg bruises into his noggin that he looks like the coronavirus. But once the training begins through to the final fight, Yuen and Sammo show why they are legends in the industry.

(US only)

Dirty Ho (1979)

When this film came out, the title wasn’t as funny as it is now. But it still works in a way because this is one of the best Kung Fu slapstick comedies. Starring some of top talent from Shaw Brother studios, including Gordon Liu, Wang Yue, and Lo Lieh, it’s full of the stylish long-take choreography and blazing stunts using real fire long before CGI.

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King Boxer: The Enduring Legacy of a Martial Arts Classic

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The Man From Hong Kong: A Genuinely Dangerous Action Movie

By Craig Lines

It’s a classic tale of hidden master, a punk student, and notorious villains, including hilarious absurdities like sex change tea, and wheelchair and crutch fighting. The discreet Kung Fu challenge while sampling rare wines out of crazy cups is ludicrous fun; the sort that only master fight choreographer Lau Kar-leung can deliver.

The Eight Diagram Pole Fighter (1984)

Here is another classic from Gordon Liu and Lau Kar-leung, but serious and somber. Alexander Fu Sheng, a prominent leading man, died in a tragic car crash during production, making this his final film. His character suffers PTSD after losing his family in a horrific opening ambush, but his storyline dangles unfinished.

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The film was rewritten to focus Gordon and Lau, as well as the always brilliant Kara Hui. The cast goes all out to honor their fallen comrade’s legacy, showcasing some of the finest weapon choreography ever shot. Based on the legend of the Yang family generals, the untimely death tugs hard on the heartstrings for anyone in the know.

Return to the 36th Chamber (1980)

Just one more Gordon Liu and Lau Kar-leung project, this is the sequel to The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, which is also amazing and available on Amazon Prime. However, Return to the 36th Chamber has such an odd concept for a sequel that warrants special attention.

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Liu plays a swindler impersonating the Shaolin monk San Te, the character he played in the first film. When his clan is oppressed by the Manchus gang, Liu sneaks into Shaolin, only to be deceptively trained by the real San Te, then returns for vengeance. His clan are cloth dyers, which makes for colorful pools for villains to plunge.

Liu’s uproarious rooftop Kung Fu and his battle with Wang Lung-Wei’s bench-fighter gang are outstanding. Kara Hui has the best retort after Gordon tries to play off his lack of Kung Fu, claiming it’s only for “universal peace,” and not revenge. She claps back “Huh! That’s a stupid Kung Fu.”

The Lady is the Boss (1983)

Kara Hui (aka Kara Wai) is one of the greatest Kung Fu divas of all, yet she’s only known by true devotees of the genre. If you’ve never heard of her, here is one of her finest comedy vehicles. Set in modern-day Hong Kong, Hui plays an American master returning to save her father’s Kung Fu school after his passing. Lau Kar-leung is the eldest student in charge (also the choreographer) and he resists her attempts to modernize.

Long take fights are staged in a topless club, a disco, and finally, a gymnastic gym replete with rings, parallel bars, and a beam, perfect for the choreographic shenanigans only Lau can bring. Gordon Liu appears with hair, which feels wrong because he built his reputation on playing bald monks.

Crippled Avengers (1978)

From director Chang Cheh, the “Godfather of Kung Fu Films,” Crippled Avengers stars four members of the Venoms crew, from Chang’s classic The Five Venoms (also available on Amazon Prime).

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The Five Deadly Venoms: An Essential Martial Arts Movie

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It was repackaged as The Return of the Five Venoms (and also Mortal Combat), however it is its own standalone masterpiece and has nothing to do with the original beyond the cast.

Lu Feng (Centipede from the Venoms crew) gets his arms chopped off and replaced by iron arms (a plot device that RZA echoed The Man with the Iron Fists). Lu and his father, played by the rough and tumble Chan Kuan Tai, cripple the heroes, who must then walk the road of vengeance while handicapped. The portrayal of the disabilities is dated (arm tied behind the back for the amputee, eyes closed for the blinded) but the choreography is ingenious.

Five Elements Ninjas (1982)

Another echo of The Five Venoms from the sanguineous Chang Cheh, Five Elements Ninjas showcases the director’s unique eye for fantasy. It’s an orgy of weird fantasy weapons and ultraviolence, bloody fight scene after bloody fight scene, a cult film of truly epic proportions. As the title says, the ninjas are based on the five elements.

The gold ninjas don gold lame suits and switchblade shield hats. The wood ninjas look like rejected apple trees in The Wizard of Oz. If you turn this film into a drinking game where you take a shot whenever blood is spilled, you won’t make it past the first half hour.

The Web of Death (1976)

What is the ultimate Kung Fu WMD? It’s a tarantula that roars like an elephant and shoots acidic webs, sparks, and death rays, and it decimates the wuxia world. The Web of Death has everything a cult film requires: crazy weapons, cross dressing, romance, complex set-pieces, halls of traps, including acid pits, spiked poles and dragon-headed sparkler cannons, silly superheroes and villains in costumes that would make MCU heroes blush. Filled with jaw dropping WTF moments, it’s a real treat for anyone into cheesy over-the-top Kung Fu cinema.

The Bride with White Hair (1993)

Based on a wuxia novel, The Bride with White Hair is a surreal plunge into the Kung Fu subgenre of Fant-Asia which blossomed in the ‘90s. It’s a doomed romance between rival cult members set in a world of swords and sorcery that stars Brigette Lin in the spurned titular role and the dreamy heartthrob Leslie Cheung.

What makes this stand out was the visionary direction of Ronny Yu. His pre-CGI special effects hold up surprisingly well. Lin’s characterization of the bride was so compelling that it spawned an homage in The Forbidden Kingdom and a remake in The White Haired Witch. The Bride with White Hair II is also available on Amazon Prime which reunites Lin and Cheung, but without Yu’s direction it’s not nearly as special.

(US only)

Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame (2010)

Fant-Asia has been revitalized with the advent of CGI. Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame marked a triumphant return to form for director Tsui Hark. Armed with quixotic special effects, Hark casts Andy Lau as the legendary detective Di Renjie, who is like a Tang Dynasty Sherlock Holmes. Wuxia films are akin to comic book movies, filled with glaringly overdone heroes and villains, super saturated color schemes, and a lot of flying about.

It’s high fantasy wirework in front of CG backgrounds with physics-defying fight choreography by Sammo Hung (Kung Fu physics are not subject to the laws of gravity). Most of all, it takes unexpected turns like the old Fant-Asia story arcs have always done.

(US only)

Tai Chi Zero (2012)

Director Stephen Fung took Fant-Asia another step into an emergent subgenre of Shanghai Steampunk (Legend of Korra is another example). It’s an action comedy about the legendary forefather of Tai Chi, Yang Luchan, in what was meant to be the launch of a trilogy. However, it was filmed back-to-back with the second installment, Tai Chi Hero (not free on Amazon Prime), which was released only a month later and that proximity depleted their box office returns.

Nevertheless, Tai Chi Zero was an Official Selection at several notable international film festivals because it was so stylish and funny. Both films end on cliffhangers in anticipation of the next chapter, but Tai Chi Hero loses the momentum of its predecessor, except for the final cliffhanging tease. There’s been no further development on the final chapter Tai Chi Summit since Tai Chi Hero flopped.

(US only)

JCVD (2012)

Jean-Claude Van Damme opens this French film with a remarkable long take fight, showing he still had it on the brink of turning 50, but it’s not really a martial arts film. He plays a self-deprecating caricature of himself, although not as comedic as his lampooning self-portrayal in the Amazon Original Series Jean-Claude Van Johnson.

There’s some top-notch cinematography including more complex long takes, remarkable displays of technical skill, and directorial timing. But it’s all about Van Damme’s confession scene when he breaks the fourth wall and discusses his filmmaking process in that weird recursive, artsy French film way. It’s a long-take monologue, and Van Damme nails it emotionally with a heartfelt confession that’s not so much amazing acting as it is brutally honest. He lays it out, bares his soul, and surprisingly, it’s a sympathetic soul. It’s a truly captivating scene, a dramatic triumph that no one ever saw coming, completely redefining Van Damme as an actor.

(US only)

The Man from Nowhere (2010)

This was Korea’s highest grossing film that year. It’s a gritty and brutally bloody tale of a pawnshop owner, played by Won Bin, who unwittingly receives a camera bag filled with stolen heroin, attracting the attention of the drug ring gangsters.

However, he’s a retired special agent with fierce combat skills, tossed into a ghetto tale with exotic dancers, organ harvesting, an innocent child who needs protection, and gang wars. Won Bin won many dramatic accolades with the five films he made, including Taegukgi and Mother. This was his final one to date and he sells the ultraviolence with remarkable panache.

(Prime Video in the US, rent only in UK)

Kundo: Age of the Rampant (2014)

This is another outstanding Korean martial arts film, set in the Joseon period. It echoes Robin Hood, complete with a fighting monk like Friar Tuck, a Maid Marian type, only she’s a keen archer, and a Little John character wielding a shot-put ball on a rope for brutal ultra violence. Ha Jung-woo stars as the lead, a butcher who wields butcher knives, which just adds to the bloodiness. The fight choreography is fun and sanguineous, and the characters were well fleshed out, even the villain. Like a lot of Korean cinema, it takes some surprising turns in the details, little scenes that feel fresh in their presentation. And the panoramic shots are visually epic.

(US only)

Redeemer (2015)

Marko Zaror brings an exotic Chilean actioner full of fight choreography that’s merciless, witty, and precise. Zaror is cut and yoked like a beast. He can catch great flying kicks air, roll well for nods to MMA, and handle complex continuous fights. Redeemer includes several long take scenes with the camera aggressively circling around battle, showcasing a masterful command of action and cinematography.

Set in Chile’s cool seascapes and weather worn graffiti-covered ghettos, Redeemer has a strong Catholic theme, lots of crucifixes and pondering about divine justice, which totally works as atmosphere for this fascinating fight flick.

The Octagon (1980)

Before Chuck Norris became an invincible meme, he churned out a handful of Hollywood martial arts feature films. His third effort, The Octagon, co-starring Lee Van Cleef, is one of his best. It’s a ninja tale, pitting Chuck against noted masters like Richard Norton, Tadashi Yamashita, and his brother Aaron Norris, fighting his way into a ninja terrorist camp where the central ring is “the Octagon.” It was this film that inspired Jason Cusson to design the trademarked Octagon used in the Ultimate Fighting Championships.

Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

In the ‘80s, there was a proliferation of cheesy Ninja films and Sho Kosugi dominated the trend. This is one of those movies that is so horrible, it’s awesome. And it’s Sho’s masterpiece. Lucinda Dickey was a Solid Gold Dancer, who starred in the breakdancing films Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, which bookended Ninja III. While she wasn’t a martial artist in real life, she has the moves, adding to the huge stable of martial actors who started as dancers (even Bruce Lee was a cha cha champion).

It’s incredibly dated with references to video games, aerobics, and the most gawdawful soundtrack ever. The choreography is horrible; Sho overacts whenever it comes to selling a punch; it’s all about Lucinda who tries–really tries–to act her way through a ridiculously dumb story about being possessed by a ninja. But the final sword fight has a ninja zombie and it’s the funniest example of what we had to endure during the ‘80s ninja craze.

(US only)

Shaolin Dolemite (1999)

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There was Oscar buzz about Eddie Murphy’s depiction of Rudy Ray Moore in the biopic Dolemite Is My Name, but if you haven’t seen a Dolemite film, you really don’t know. Moore played Dolemite half a dozen times, but ironically in this film, he plays Monk Ru-Dee instead, and this is the only one with any real martial arts in it.

Moore took the cuttings from a 1986 Taiwanese film titled Ninja: The Final Duel, and spliced himself in to create his own story, and it’s just so cray. Beyond Moore, there are bizarre characters like the drunken Sam the Spliff, the topless Ninja Ho, and the coonskin cap wearing Davy Crockett. The story barely makes a lick of sense, but who cares? It’s mother-effin Dolemite.

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pkmnsdarkqueen · 4 years

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ANIMAL SUBSTYLES - RARE KUNG FU STYLES

So I’ve said before that when Karen’s unusual fighting style she can whip out which usually confuses opponents is when she’ll start to fight on all fours or mimic animal movements.

I finally found a complete list of these fighting style and how they operate so I bolded the various elements of each style Karen has down. Also going to put the styles she’s mastered above the cut.

*****IMPERIAL LEOPARD KUNG FU 豹式功夫

Imperial Leopard is fierce, fast, cunning, and deceptive. As a master of feigns and deception Leopard often goes unnoticed and underestimated until they unexpectedly unleash years of combat training and vital point attacks with fast and highly toughened hand and body weapons. Leopard is a master of ambush and hit-and-run guerrilla style combat tactics. The Leopard Kung Fu Hand Weapons are legendary and kill with one strike to the throat.

*****CANTON DOG 广州狗式功夫

Canton Dog is a ferocious street, and ground fighting style, with an evil reputation. Eye gouging, groin attacks, finger breaking, throat attacks, leg breaks, and even tearing off lips and ears are signature wounds from one quick Dog attack. This style, like all the animals arts, is savage and brutal for real combat. These aren't just self defense moves, but toughened and powerful attacks.

*****IMPERIAL PHOENIX 凤式功夫

Phoenix is found in most Leopard Kung Fu if only a hand weapon and few strikes. The legends of this bird date back at least 8000 years, and modern sources claim that the mythical Phoenix has its roots in a prehistoric bird that lived in China. Phoenix Kung Fu, a complex martial art in its own right, gives bird-like energies to Leopard with the highly toughened knuckle strikes of the Phoenix-Eye.

*****GOLDEN LEOPARD (Her and Will) 金色豹式功夫

Golden Leopard is a unique and challenging martial art with two Leopard practitioners fighting together as one entity. This art is more intimate and complex that dance mastery with full speed combat decisions communicated through movement, growling, and guttural code. Golden Leopards draw weapons from each other, attack in unison, throw, push, pull each other, and train high levels of group fighting tactics.

*****IMPERIAL PANTHER KUNG FU 黑豹式功夫

Imperial Panther is a hunter-killer with equal parts power and stealth. Imperial Panther Masters execute full speed forms, even diving and rolling, in almost complete silence. In addition to stealth Panther is intense and ferocious with powerful growls, highly toughened hands, and throat crushing grips. Panther Style trains body collision take-downs with flesh grips that spin opponents down into ground positions, chin na, and joint destruction.

*****NORTHERN WOLF 北狼式功夫

Northern Wolf is a deadly and fearsome fighting style from the streets of Shanghai. This rare style taught at Imperial Combat Arts specializes in group fighting tactics, low realm combat, and ground-fighting. Wolf is a vicious art with high level gripping, ripping and tearing techniques that can kill with the hand. Wolf is heavier but somewhat similar in nature to the ferocious style of Dog.

*****RED SCORPION 红蝎式功夫

Red Scorpion is a Scorpion Sub-style that is designed to fight much larger opponents where grip and striking strength may be outmatched. Red Scorpion specializes in faster flurries of movement, combinations, kicking, leaping, and evasion with moments of intense striking focus to the most vulnerable areas. Where the Black Scorpion trains extensive grappling and Chin Na, Red Scorpion trains anti-grappling and evasion.

*****BLACK SCORPION 黑蝎式功夫

Black Scorpion is a massive martial art that has highly toughened gripping Chin Na, devastating strikes, strike captures, kicking and throws as well a a vast grappling and ground-fighting system made up of numerous sub-styles. Black Scorpion Ground-fighting System teaches high levels of Terrain Fighting, climbing, in water, hillsides, tight spaces, obstacles etc. and its training is more difficult that a military obstacle course.

*****SALAMANDER 火蜥蜴式功夫

Salamander is a fighting style that fights and moves in a squat position with rolling, leaping, kicks, reaps, and sweeps with toughened legs as well as grips and strikes. Salamander shows up in all combat fighting including weapons and firearms, and trains students how to dynamically fight and move in a low squat position. This real is needed for all types of real combat circumstances.

****GOLDEN RAT 金色大鼠功夫

Rat Kung Fu trains strong biting grips with two fingers and the thumb, pinches that remove areas of flesh, knuckle strikes to vital points, and extensive kicking. Rat is quite painful to learn, like all the Imperial Animal Styles.

*****SPIDER 蛛式功夫

Spider, one of three rare styles taught in, is a sub-style that specializes in rope fighting, entrapment, strangulation, captures, and entanglement vs multiple opponents. Spider is a master of soft weapons, gripping, striking, throws, and chin na. Spider trains the combat applications of rope for use in man-traps, prisoner restraints, hunting, and climbing/rappelling.

*****IMPERIAL VIPER 红黄颔蛇式功夫

Viper is a high-speed combat style that trains primarily striking and kicking. Viper specializes in toughened knuckle strikes, counter grappling, and fighting larger opponents. Viper style uses complex and ever-changing patterns that have great success in confusing and controlling opponents. Imperial Viper toughens both hands and legs to weaponize the body for combat.

WILD BOAR KUNG FU 野猪式功夫

Boar is an aggressive berserker style of fighting that toughens lethal thumbs and knuckles, and specializes in head-butts, elbows, knees, kicking and full body collisions. This fighting style toughens the entire body to ram through strikes, minimizing their own damage and in exchange landing killing strikes. Boars grunting growls, sheer animal rage, and willingness to exchange blows make it a force that invokes fear on the battlefield.

IMPERIAL EAGLE CLAW KUNG FU 鹰爪翻子拳

Eagle Claw is a lethal combat art created by General Yue Fei in the 1100's for his elite combat units. This highly effective martial art was still being trained by elite guard in the Ch'ing Dynasty, and has been used in wars for almost 1000 years. Like General Yue Fei and his elite warriors, Imperial Eagle Claw is for powerful highly trained warriors capable of perfecting 100's of Chin Na techniques used in combat with striking and melee weapons.

IMPERIAL HAWK 鹯式功夫

Imperial Hawk is an Eagle Claw Substyle for medium build fighters that use more body weight in their Chin Na and, falling, leaping, and ground-fighting in their techniques. If Eagle Claw is half Tiger/Crane in Taoist energies then Hawk is half Panther/Crane. Imperial Hawk also contains the stealth and ambushing tactics of Panther training even leaping, rolling, falling, and killing in total silence.

IMPERIAL FALCON 隼式功夫

Imperial Falcon is an Eagle Claw substyle for small fighters that use more striking/kicking, and not as much Eagle Claw Chin Na. If Eagle Claw is half Tiger/Crane in Taoist energies, then Falcon is half Leopard/Crane. Falcon trains the complex patterns of controls and striking used in Leopard and many prefer to master the ground art of Cantonese Dog over the Black Scorpion.

IMPERIAL CRANE KUNG FU 鹤式功夫

Crane is a legendary Chinese martial art as renowned for its grace, agility, and balance as it is for its powerful highly toughened angular strikes. Crane masters train extensive kicking, leg controls, maneuvers and lower body toughening. Masters of this fighting style will routinely demonstrate standing on one leg, evading multiple strikes while simultaneously countering with fingertip strikes breaking three or more inches of solid wood.

BLACK CRANE 黑鹤式功夫

Imperial Black Crane is a powerful substyle that incorporates both Mantis and Snake techniques. Black Crane Style moves its arms like Snake using the similar serpentine form of the Cranes Neck and a unique highly toughened beak weapon for strikes. This rare martial art that blends Crane with Snake and Mantis also uses the quick arm captures and strikes of Mantis with its neck and beak.

GREY HERON 苍鹭式功夫

Grey Heron is a Sustyle of Imperial Crane that fights exclusively with their legs. By training and matching to control, negate, or counter an opponents techniques with the legs alone, Heron adds a tremendous value to Imperial Crane. Many of 167 kicks trained in Imperial Crane are contained in this complex and formidable sub-style. Extensive leg toughening is required to learn this style.

GREEN HERON 绿鹭式功夫

Green Heron Kung Fu is a unique sub-style of Crane taught at Imperial Combat Arts. This Crane style is for small, short framed practitioners and uses tighter, quicker strikes, often in combinations, as well as leaping to engage larger opponents. Green Heron is fashioned after small Herons in Asia like the Striated Heron. Imperial Combat Arts has several arts designed for small people.

IMPERIAL LION 狮式功夫

In addition to being a powerful combat Style, Lion was also the symbol of the 1st and 2nd class military ranks in Imperial China for over 500 years 1391C.E. to 1911C.E. Lion is a tremendously powerful and effective fighting style both standing and on the ground, and fights with highly toughening grips, claw and fist weapons that can tear out, or crush the throat of a man in seconds.

IMPERIAL SNAKE KUNG FU 蛇式功夫

Snake style fighting is legendary for its blinding speed and incredible accuracy in combat. Unlike most snake martial arts Imperial Snake consists of five unique fighting styles each considered a complete martial art with their own master level toughening and training. One of the five is Python a massive system of powerful palm strikes, combat grappling, chokes, strangles, joint attacks, and throws. Also Cobra, Adder, Viper, and Asp.

IMPERIAL PYTHON 白蟒式功夫

Python is a high level combat art that masters powerful palm strikes, highly toughened fingers, powerful kicks, and a massive system of grappling, chokes, strangles, joint attacks, and throws. Several masters taught Jujitsu before joining Imperial Combat Arts and training Python for combat with its toughened fingers, throat crushing grips, lethal tail strikes, and the deadly grappling.

IMPERIAL COBRA 黑眼镜蛇式功夫

Cobra is a lesser know style that masters long range strikes, powerful whipping backhands, toughened fang weapons, and hard heavy throws. Cobra is also a master of standing Chin Na with primary focus on Chin Na throws, joint destruction, and quick arm breaks. Cobra Masters routinely demonstrate breaking boards and bricks with just the two fingers of the Cobra's Fangs.

IMPERIAL ADDER 绿毒蛇式功夫

Adder is a devastating art that specializes in toughened knuckle and finger strikes, Chin Na, ripping & gouging, as well as painful and powerful grips that crush the throat. Adder Masters are at home fighting on their feet or the ground and use strikes, grips, and Chin Na for twisting bring-downs and take-downs. Adder has numerous nerve attacks, and is a master of afflicting pain.

IMPERIAL ASP 蓝蝮蛇式功夫

Asp is designed after small but deadly snakes such as the Mamba. This extremely fast-moving art specializes in fast fingertip strikes and powerful blade hands. Asp Masters are experts of high speed bobbing, weaving, and evasive maneuvers to get into striking range and spend many hours training to evade and counter the high level Chin Na and Grappling of our other Animal Styles.

TIBETAN GHOST BAT 鬼蝠式功夫

The Ghost Bat is a very rare and little known style that is trained as part of the Three Forces martial arts. Ghost Bat is a circular running style somewhat similar to Pakua, but with focus on stealth and evasion. Running is an important part of training for real combat when maneuvering over large areas or through multiple opponents. This concept is no different then that of the fast stealthy maneuvers of small military units.

IMPERIAL TIGER KUNG FU 虎式功夫

Tiger is a powerful and aggressive martial art that requires years of finger, arm, and whole body toughening to master. Tiger masters can power through the strongest defenses, killing with a single strike or grip, and can tear out the throat of an opponent. Tiger training is extremely challenging and requires the highest level of human willpower to master.

With our direct military lineage Imperial Tiger is rooted in 5 different Tiger Styles.

NORTHERN TIGER 北虎功夫

Northern Tiger is the most physically powerful Tiger Style as the Northern Chinese people, Manchurians, and Mongolians are larger and stronger than the Southern Chinese People. Northern Tiger masters can power through the strongest defenses, killing with a single strike or grip, and can tear out the throat of an opponent, our Masters today demonstrate this ability on pig cadavers as part of Tiger training.

SHANGHAI TIGER 上海虎功夫

Shanghai Tiger is a more intelligent interpretation of Tiger with training and development put into each individual digit of the hand for single finger and thumb strikes to vital points as well as gripping and chin na not found in our other Tiger styles. Shanghai Tiger is favored by medium-weight masters and master who move into Tiger after training Animal Styles with intricate finger gripping.

SOUTHERN TIGER 南虎功夫

Southern Tiger is the fastest a lightest Tiger style, and while Southern Tiger practitioners may have smaller builds they still develop all the intensity and intimidation of the larger styles. While they may not be able to tear the throat from their opponents and animal cadavers, they're required to crush throats within their Tigers Mouth grip in order to carry the title of Imperial Tiger Master.

BLACK TIGER 黑虎功夫

Black Tiger trains to the highest levels all of the stealth, ambush, and guerrilla tactics of true combat level Tiger. When many people think of Animal Styles they see them as done by a performer in a silk costume and don't realize that the true killing styles were real world martial arts that trained all the techniques of the animals they emulate like camouflage, stalking, and ambush.

WHITE TIGER 白虎功夫

Imperial White Tiger is most noted for its extensive matching with one arm and in legend was incorporated into our arts as a sub-style for combat amputees. White Tiger has since become an important part of mastering Imperial Tiger and trains to match all the other animals styles with one highly toughened arm at a time. Not to be confused with other White Tiger Styles.

IMPERIAL BEAR 熊式功夫

Bear is a rare style that like several of the Animal Substyles is close to extinct. Bear is very much alive at Imperial Combat Arts and taught as a substyle of Tiger. Bear is a powerful style that incorporates the toughening, strikes, claws, ripping, and throat crushing grips of Tiger into chin na, wrestling, and grappling. Bear was the 5th class officer rank in China for over 500 years.

IMPERIAL RHINO 犀式功夫

Rhinoceros is not an animal people usually think of when it comes to Chinese Martial Arts. In actuality Rhino (Unicorn) is a tremendously powerful and effective fighting style, and was the 8th class military rank in China from 1391C.E. to 1911C.E. This martial arts hand weapons look like the horns of the Rhino and show up in several arts, usually arts associated with Tiger such as Pai Mei.

IMPERIAL BULL 牛式功夫

Bull was a popular military martial art in China often trained by 8th & 9th ranking officers. Bull masters toughen knuckle and fist strikes, ramming elbows, and full body collisions. Bull adds some of the most powerful fist and knuckle strikes into Tigers already powerful style. In legend Bull Masters are said to be able to knock a horse and its rider to the ground with their powerful collisions.

IMPERIAL PRAYING MANTIS 螳式功夫

Mantis is an art renowned for its speed and accuracy. This legendary art specializes in capturing opponents strikes and counter-striking with single or two-fingered strikes to vital points. Years of finger toughening and speed training are required to master this style. Imperial Mantis Masters demonstrate the true power of Mantis with one fingered strikes into melons, and destroy animal eyeballs held in moving dummies.

CRAB 蟹式功夫

Crab is the first complete ground style students learn at Imperial Combat Arts. Crab is a powerful and dynamic ground position used to fight standing opponents with focus on evasion vs strikes and weapons, anti-grappling, powerful kicks, reaps, sweeps, and throws. With level IV leg toughening Crab becomes a devastating ground-fighting art that specializes in breaking legs.

MANTA RAY 蝠鲼式功夫

Manta Ray specializes in rolling, evasion, and counter chin na against arresting controls on the ground. This rare style has high percentage and unusual ground escapes vs grappling holds. Master level Manta Ray will also perform rolling chin na escapes into counters from standing, often breaking an opponents arm in the process. This style has the ability to counter throw while being thrown.

STING RAY 𫚉鱼式功夫

Sting Ray is another Supine ground posture that trains students how to fight and maneuver dynamically on steep grade hillsides and slopes without tumbling. This is a good example of how the Imperial Eight Animals train for real world combat in all types of terrain. Combat training and knowing how to use your environment is a crucial part of fighting multiple armed opponent in any situation.

MORAY EEL 鳗式功夫

Moray Eel is a fighting style that fights and moves on its back and uses powerful grips and Chin Na to escape, negate, or kill its grappling opponents. Moray Eel shows up in all weapon fighting including firearms, and trains students how to dynamically fight and move in a Supine position for all types of real combat circumstances. Eel is descriptive of how fighters look when they move quickly while Supine.

GOLDEN DRAGON 金龙式功夫

Golden Dragon is a prone combat posture similar to a military crawl. This crucial combat position is trained the world about today and in most of the ancient world. Yue Fei the legendary Imperial General 1103-1142 the creator of our arts H'sing-i (Xsingyi) and Eagle Kung Fu, would have his elite forces crawl through ditches and fortifications in this posture wearing full armor and gear.

ALLIGATOR 鳄式功夫

Alligator is a fast moving and powerful prone fighting system that uses full body rolls with its gripping, and chin na. Similar in likeness to a true Alligator Death Roll, these techniques are designed to us the rolling power of the whole body to break limbs and tear flesh, high level Alligator can crush or tear out the throat with its hand alone. Rolls that choke and strangle are trained in Python

LIZARD 蜥蜴式功夫

Lizard is a very fast ground posture that runs very low on the hands and toes, as well as extensive fast training in climbing, and hanging. Lizard its trained on the floor, the walls, and the ceiling. Lizard fights with kicks, and spear hand strikes. The strength Lizard masters to hang its whole weight with just the fingers of one hand, it uses for ripping, tearing, and brutal gripping.

TURTLE 龟式功夫

Tortoise, Terrapin, and Turtle are ground and kneeling postures used in grappling, as well as throws, rolls, and take-downs. Seemingly innocently named these arts use brutal grips, beak like weapons, and fingertip strikes to gain access to vital point or assist in chin na. This posture appears similar to the classic wrestling position by the same name, but with vicious weapons and techniques for combat.

SQUID & OCTOPUS 鱿鱼式功夫

Squid and Octopus are postures that fight primarily on their back and master all types of grappling, entanglement, strangulation, with the arms and legs all working together. This style also uses its highly toughened hands for beak like strikes, ripping, gouging, and fingertip weapons fashioned after the ancient Cephalopods, beak, barbed tongue, and tooth cover papilla, that can crack any opponents shell.

FROG & TOAD 蟆式功夫

Frog & Toad fighting styles master powerful bone breaking kicks, leaping collisions, take-downs, throws, fast spear hand strikes, and ripping, raking, stabbing grips with the hands. The powerful toughened legs of Frog are also used for reaps, and sweeps that hook, pull, and capture. Frog uses specialized swimming style blocks with the arms and hands that capture strikes or open them up for vital point strikes.

CENTIPEDE 蜈式功夫

Centipede is an art of a hundred kicks from the ground, not an exact number but in how fast these combinations and flurries are thrown. Centipede use the highly toughened feet and legs already trained in the Main Animal Styles to break the lower legs, knees, feet, or attack the groin. The sheer pain, speed, and intensity of this style has sent trained fighters running or climbing up the walls to escape.

SHARK & BARRACUDA 鲨式功夫

Shark and Barracuda are grappling positions that use powerful upper body enveloping and painful gripping to hold and control opponents and gain vital points. Whether standing or on the ground these styles use deep stances, dropping, running, and leg strength with a powerful thrashing energy to counter, control, and subdue and opponents counters and death throes.

#headcannon #animal kung fu #(she watched her pokemon fight and started to pick up that way then pryce refined her movements)#(also yes she will bite people and not just a little ouch! bite no like she can bite and know how to do so with efficiency)

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daresplaining · 5 years

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What If? Daredevil Vs. Elektra

I have been meaning to write a full post about this chilling alternate universe, and Halloween seemed like the perfect time to do so. With the success and popularity of Spider-Gwen’s Hand ninja Matt Murdock, it can be easy to forget that he is not the only one. The first story of a Matt whose life took a darker and more ninja-y path was told in the one-shot What If? Daredevil Vs. Elektra, which is a chilling tale of murder, regret, and painful memories that won’t stay buried.

The story is told from the point of view of Elektra Natchios, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. who, in the midst of a successful career in espionage, is forced to face again a traumatic event from her past-- a hostage situation in college, in which her boyfriend tried to rescue her and was killed.

[ID: A flashback to Columbia University, Elektra’s origin story. Cops outside a building shoot into an upper window.]

Cops: “They’re killing the hostages! Wait... what’s that? I can see something... Yeah, a clear shot, and I’m taking it...”

Elektra: “Matt!”

[ID: Young Matt Murdock gets shot multiple times. Young Elektra kneels on the floor, holding his body in her arms.]

It’s a memory she has learned to live with, a little piece of trauma she has long since buried, but then, suddenly, people around her start dying. She and her fellow agents begin to investigate scenes of carnage, carried out with terrifying stealth and skill by an unknown enemy.

[ID: The Kingpin’s office, chaos. The Kingpin sits at his desk while a ninja in red clothes and a devil mask fights Bullseye. The ninja slices Bullseye’s head off with his sword and then advances on the Kingpin.]

Elektra (off-panel): “His bodyguards slaughtered upfront, Fisk’s personal assassin... Poindexter... Bullseye... whatever they called him... was the Kingpin’s only prayer.”

Elektra, horrified but still clueless about how this connects to her buried memory at this point, investigates further. Her character development is an interesting variation in this universe, which presents a fairly clear-cut role switch between she and Matt. Her experience in college was painful, and her career as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent has given her a fairly jaded view of life and people, but she has retained some of the optimism and naivete that was snuffed out in the 616 universe by her father’s death. Elektra wants to see justice done, even if the only people so far killed have been dangerous criminals. She asks around, and eventually finds a surprisingly informed old blind man in a bar.

[ID: A bar. Stick is playing pool and talking to Elektra, who is dressed in a black coat and red head scarf.]

Stick: “Ever heard of the Hand?”

Elektra: “As in ‘talk to’?”

Stick: “You’re a barrel, too, y’know that? The Hand. Corrupted ninja order. Heirs to the Beast. Intent on infiltrating the empires of man. In other words-- one bad outfit. Their current leader, ‘the Advocate’, is a servant turned master. He uses a unique approach to taking out his foes. He finds a discontented underling, exploits their dissatisfaction, nurtures it into betrayal... then attacks from within.”

Elektra: “Very Hong Kong triple-feature, old man. How does it connect to Fisk’s murder?”

Stick: “The Kingpin’s lawyer. Talk to him. And while you’re at it, talk to your boss... he just might help you find another blind guy whose kung fu is better than yours...”

It doesn’t take Elektra long to find the Kingpin’s lawyer, Foggy Nelson. She discovers him sitting alone in his apartment, a bitter shell of the Foggy we know in the 616 universe. Losing Matt hit him hard, and-- as is true in several other alternate universes as well-- sent his life into a tailspin.

[ID: Flashbacks from Foggy’s life: in the library with Matt in college, Foggy sitting at a desk in the Kingpin’s office, a body (Ben Urich) with a bag over its head, Foggy defending the Kingpin in court.]

Foggy (off-panel): “The two of us had high hopes... aspirations. We were gonna open our own practice once we passed the bar... and change the world, or what little of it we could. Funny how life goes. After law school I could barely pay back my student loan. I was desperate for money. Fisk made me an offer I would have been an idiot to refuse. A six-figure retainer. When he was on trial a few years back for placing a hit on Bugle reporter Ben Urich... having an honest, decent man shot dead... body dumped like trash... I fought for his freedom like my life depended on it. Probably did. In the end, it was the judge who’d been bought, but I was party to it. My life had become a sick joke.”

He is bitter with regret and disgusted by the person he has become. He admits to Elektra that he was the weak link in the Kingpin’s organization-- the person indirectly responsible for his murder. He also gives her the name of the man who did the deed-- the Advocate-- along with some terrifying news: that his next target is S.H.I.E.L.D. Sure enough, ninjas attack one of the helicarriers shortly afterward, killing Nick Fury and many of Elektra’s other friends and co-workers. Elektra realizes what she is up against. She realizes who she is up against. The Hand have brought Matt back from the dead and turned him into a killer, and she has to do something about it.

Elektra returns to Stick. She trains with him, attempting to prepare herself to face the Hand. When Stick suddenly vanishes, Elektra takes things into her own hands. She takes the name Sai and forms the new Chaste (one of my favorite alternate universe teams). They prepare to attack the Hand at their home base, and finish things once and for all.

[ID: Elektra, now dressed in her 616-verse red outfit, addresses a group of other heroes: this universe’s versions of Wolverine, Black Widow, Power Man, Iron Fist, Echo, and Silver Samurai.]

Elektra: “Our differences may be many, but we share common ground. Each of us has lost someone... something... to the Hand. We are now the Chaste. The only ones who can stand against them. This is how we go in...”

Caption: “Old names forsaken, each member of this new order of seven took on another one to signify rebirth-- Claw. Sting. Stone. Flame. Seer. Sword. Sai. Woe to the Devil and evil men.”

This comic is relentless in its carnage, which feels exactly right for the flavor of the story it is telling. When the new Chaste storm the Hand’s headquarters, Elektra discovers that Stick is dead. Matt has killed his first teacher, and Elektra knows she is out of options. She has to stop Matt herself.

[ID: In the Hand’s fortress. Elektra has discovered Stick’s severed head.]

Elektra: “Stick... teacher, I’m sorry... you were right. Time to grow up.”

She seeks him out. Of course, he is expecting her.

[ID: The Hand’s fortress. Elektra approaches Matt from behind. He is dressed in a red ninja outfit but without a mask. His eyes are an unnatural red. Elektra has her sai; Matt is holding a gun.]

Elektra: “I’m here to stop you.”

Matt: “From doing what? Bringing order to chaos? Imagine these widowmakers without my guidance. You’re still holding onto the ideals of youth. Your father raised you in a sheltered, protected bubble allowing you limited contact with the rest of the world. Clouded your thoughts with fairy tale notions of ‘good’ and ‘evil’. Isn’t that why you hate him? You know this world is a savage garden. Beauty in duality. Good and evil intertwine like copulating serpents. Indistinguishable. It’s not worth saving because there’s nothing to save.”

Here, we see the other half of the role switch. Reanimated Matt is brainwashed, and that is part of it, but his words have the feeling of a deeply ingrained truth. His existence has been nothing but pain. An attempt at heroism cost him his life, and since he has been back, all he has seen is the worst of people. His words echo 616-verse Elektra’s mindset in the wake of her father’s murder-- that the world is a cold and uncaring place and all one can do is attempt to survive in it as best one can. And like 616 Matt in the equivalent situation, Elektra is horrified to see what has become of the hopeful, caring person she knew in college.

They fight, and Elektra realizes the inevitable-- there is no saving Matt. And she is Elektra, no matter the universe, and so finds the strength to do the deed.

[ID: Elektra shoots a bullet past Matt’s head. He drops to his knees, his hands pressed to his ears in pain.]

Caption: “The gun is S.H.I.E.L.D. ordinance... with a built-in sonic disruptor. It sends the Advocate’s senses into overdrive.”

[ID: Elektra draws her sai and stabs him through the chest.]

[ID: Matt lies, dying, on the ground. His eyes now look normal. Elektra kneels beside him.]

Matt: “Elektra...?”

Elektra: “Matt...?”

Matt: “Terrorists... taken care of... you and... your father... safe?”

Elektra: “Yes, darling... we’re safe... we’re safe.”

It’s a beautiful little one-shot, bloody and tragic and poetic as the best Elektra and Matt comics are. I’m sure I’ll discuss it again, but for now, I wanted to give it the attention it deserves as an important alternate universe story and a compelling re-exploration of Matt and Elektra’s relationship.

#What If?#Elektra Natchios #Daredevil #Matt Murdock #Commentary

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biggoonie · 5 years

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MASTER OF KUNG FU EPIC COLLECTION: FIGHT WITHOUT PITY TPB

Volume #2 in the Master of Kung Fu Epic Collections Written by DOUG MOENCH & PAUL GULACY Penciled by PAUL GULACY, SAL BUSCEMA, KEITH POLLARD & JIM CRAIG Cover by GIL KANE MASTER OF KUNG FU easily ranks as one of the most iconic series in Marvel history. Doug Moench and Paul Gulacy’s blend of kung fu action and globetrotting espionage reached beyond the already high standard for the title and pushed it to new horizons of action and adventure! Experience the thriller “Crystal Connection;” the debuts of the whip-cracking Pavane, the savage Razor-Fist and the lovely Leiko Wu; the showdown on Mordillo’s Island; the cinematic Hong Kong fight against the Cat; the tense intrigue of “Oriental Expediters;” the mystery of MI-6’s mole; and the sweeping scale of “The Return of Fu Manchu!” Each adventure will have you on the edge of your seat, so don’t hold back! Enter the world of Shang-Chi! Collecting MASTER OF KUNG FU (1974) #29-53 and ANNUAL #1. 504 PGS./Rated T …$39.99 ISBN: 978-1-302-90136-3

#Master Of Kung Fu

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esaeld · 5 years

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Wong Jack Man vs Bruce Lee

"BRUCE LEE’S TOUGHEST FIGHT" by Michael Dorgan (from Official Karate, July 1980)

Considering the skill of the opponents and the complete absence of referees, rules, and safety equipment, it was one hell of a fight that took place that day in December. It may have been the most savagely elegant exhibition of unarmed combat of the century. Yet, at a time when top fighters tend to display their skills only in huge closed-circuited arenas, this battle was fought in virtual secrecy behind locked doors. And at a time when millions of dollars can ride on the outcome of a championship fight, these champions of another sort competed not for money, but for more personal and passionate reasons. The time was late winter, 1964; the setting was a small kung fu school in Oakland, California. Poised at the center of the room, with approximately 140 pounds packed tightly on his 5’7" frame, was the operator of the school, a 24-year old martial artist of Chinese ancestry but American birth who, within a few years, would skyrocket to international attention as a combination fighter/film star. A few years after that, at age 32, he would die under mysterious circumstances. His name, of course, was Bruce Lee. Also poised in the center of the room was another martial artist. Taller but lighter, with his 135 pounds stretched thinly over 5’10", this fighter was also 24 and also of Chinese descent. Born in Hong Kong and reared in the south of mainland China, he had only recently arrived in San Francisco’s teeming Chinatown, just across the bay from Oakland. Though over the next 15 years he would become widely known in martial arts circles and would train some of America’s top martial artists, he would retain a near disdain for publicity and the commercialization of his art, and consequently would remain unknown to the general public. His name: Wong Jack Man.What happened after the fighters approached the center of the room has become a chapter of Chinatown’s "wild history," that branch of Chinese history usually anchored in fact but always richly embellished by fantasy, a history that tells much about a time and place with little that’s reliable about any particular incident. Exactly how the fight proceeded and just who won are still matters of controversy, and will likely remain so. But from the few available firsthand accounts and other evidence, it is possible to piece together a reasonably reliable picture that reveals two overriding truths. First, considering the skill of the opponents and the complete absence of referees, rules, and safety equipment, it was one hell of a fight that took place that day in December. And second, Bruce Lee, who was soon to rival Mao Tse Tung as the world’s most famous Chinese personality, was dramatically affected by the fight, perhaps fatally so.Due to the human desire to be known as an eye witness to a famous event, it is easier to obtain firsthand accounts of the fight from persons who were not there than from those who were. As to how many persons actually viewed the contest, even that is a point of dispute. Bruce Lee’s wife Linda recalls a total of 13 persons, including herself. But the only person that she identifies other than her husband and his associate James Lee, who died of cancer shortly before her husband died, is Wong Jack Man. Wong, meanwhile, remembers only seven persons being present, including the three Lees. Of the three persons other than the Lees and himself, only one, a tai chi teacher named William Chen (not to be confused with the William Chi Cheng Chen who teaches the art in New York), could be located. Chen recalls about 15 persons being present but can identify none other than Wong and the Lees. So except for a skimpy reference to the fight by Bruce Lee himself in a magazine interview, we are left with only three firsthand accounts of the battle. They are accounts which vary widely.Linda Lee, in her book Bruce Lee: The Man Only I Knew, initially dismisses the fight as follows: "The two came out, bowed formally and then began to fight. Wong adopted a classic stance whereas Bruce, who at the time was still using his Wing Chun style, produced a series of straight punches. "Within a minute, Wong’s men were trying to stop the fight as Bruce began to warm to his task. James Lee warned them to let the fight continue. A minute later, with Bruce continuing the attack in earnest, Wong began to backpedal as fast as he could. For an instant, indeed, the scrap threatened to degenerate into a farce as Wong actually turned and ran. But Bruce pounced on him like a springing leopard and brought him to the floor where he began pounding him into a state of demoralization."Is that enough?" shouted Bruce. "That’s enough!" pleaded Wong in desperation. So the entire matter was just another quick triumph for the man who frequently boasted he could whip any man in the world. Or was it? Later in her book, Linda Lee hints that the fight may have amounted to more than the brief moment of violent diversion she had earlier described. "Bruce’s whole life was an evolving process - and this was never seen to greater effect than in his work with the martial arts," she begins. "The clash with Wong Jack Man metamorphosed his own personal expression of kung fu. Until this battle, he had largely been content to improvise and expand on his original Wing Chun style, but then he suddenly realized that although he had won comparatively easily, his performance had been neither crisp of efficient. The fight, he realized, ought to have ended within a few seconds of him striking the first blows - instead of which it had dragged on for three minutes. In addition, at the end, Bruce had felt unusually winded which proved to him he was far from perfect condition. So he began to dissect the fight, analyzing where he had gone wrong and seeking to find ways where he could have improved his performance. It did not take him long to realize that the basis of his fighting art, the Wing Chun style, was insufficient. It laid too much stress on hand techniques, had very few kicking techniques and was, essentially, partial."Still later in the book, Linda Lee adds: "The Wong Jack Man fight also caused Bruce to intensify his training methods. From that date, he began to seek out more and more sophisticated and exhaustive training methods. I shall try to explain these in greater detail later, but in general the new forms of training meant that Bruce was always doing something, always training some part of his body or keeping it in condition."Whether Bruce Lee’s intensified training was to his benefit or to his destruction is a matter to be discussed later. For now, merely let it be observed that the allegedly insignificant "scrap" described early by Linda Lee has now been identified by her as cause for her husband to intensify his training and serves as the pivotal reason for his abandoning the fighting style he had practiced religiously for more than 10 years.That the fight with Wong was the reason Lee quit, and then later repudiated the Wing Chun style, was confirmed by Lee himself in an interview with Black Belt. "I’d gotten into a fight in San Francisco (a reference, no doubt, to the Bay Area rather than the city) with a Kung-Fu cat, and after a brief encounter the son-of-a-bitch started to run. I chased him and, like a fool, kept punching him behind his head and back. Soon my fists began to swell from hitting his hard head. Right then I realized Wing Chun was not too practical and began to alter my way of fighting."For those who have difficulty believing that a quick if clumsy victory over a worthy opponent was sufficient reason for Lee to abandon a fighting style that had seen him through dozens of vicious street fights as a youth in Hong Kong, where his family had moved shortly after his birth in San Francisco, a more substantial reason for Lee to change styles can be found in the account of the fight given by Wong Jack Man.According to Wong, the battle began with him bowing and offering his hand to Lee in the traditional manner of opening a match. Lee, he say, responded by pretending to extend a friendly hand only to suddenly transform the hand into a four-pronged spear aimed at Wong’s eyes."That opening move," says Wong, "set the tone for Lee’s fight." Wing Chun has but three sets, the solo exercises which contain the full body of technique of any style, and one of those sets is devoted to deadly jabbing and gouging attacks directed primarily at the eyes and throat. "It was those techniques," say Wong, "which Lee used most."There were flurries of straight punches and repeated kicks at his groin, adds Wong, but mostly, relentlessly, there were those darting deadly finger tips trying to poke out his eyes or puncture his throat. And what he say he anticipated as serious but sportsmanly comparison of skill suddenly became an exercise in defending his life.Wong says that before the fight began Lee remarked, in reference to a mutual acquaintance who had helped instigate the match, "You’ve been killed by your friend." Shortly after the bout commenced, he adds, he realized Lee’s words had been said in earnest."He really wanted to kill me," says Wong. In contrast to Lee’s three Wing Chun sets, Wong, as the grand master of the Northern Shaolin style, knew dozens. But most of what he used against Lee, says Wong, was defensive. Wong says he parried Lee’s kicks with his legs while using his hand and arms to protect his head and torso, only occasionally delivering a stinging blow to Lee’s head or body. He fought defensively, explains Wong, in part because of Lee’s relentless aggressive strategy, and in part because he feared the consequences of responding in kind to Lee’s attempt to kill him. In pre-Revolutionary China, fights to the finish were often allowed by law, but Wong knew that in modern-day America, a crippling or killing blow, while winning a victory, might also win him a jail sentence.That, says Wong, is why he failed to deliver a devastating right-hand blow on any of the three occasions he had Lee’s head locked under his left arm. Instead, he says, he released his opponent each time, only to have an even more enraged Bruce Lee press on with his furious attack. "He would never say he lost until you killed him," says Wong. And despite his concern with the legal consequences, Wong says that killing Lee is something he began to consider. "I remember thinking, ‘If he injures me, if he really hurts me, I’ll have to kill him."But according to Wong, before that need arose, the fight had ended, due more to what Linda Lee described as Lee’s "unusually winded" condition than to a decisive blow by either opponent. "It had lasted," says Wong, "at least 20 minutes, maybe 25."Though William Chen’s recollections of the fight are more vague than the other two accounts, they are more in alignment with Wong’s than Lee’s. On the question of duration, for example, Chen, like Wong, remembers the fight continuing for "20 or 25 minutes." Also, he cannot recall either man being knocked down. "Certainly," he says, "Wong was not brought to the floor and pounded into a ‘state of demoralization.’"Regarding Wong’s claim that three times he had Lee’s head locked under his arm, Chen says he can neither confirm or deny it. He remembers the fighters joining on several occasions, but he could not see very clearly what was happening at those moments.Chen describes the outcome of the battle as "a tie." He adds, however, that whereas an enraged Bruce Lee had charged Wong "like a mad bull," obviously intent upon doing him serious injury. Wong had displayed extraordinary restraint by never employing what were perhaps his most dangerous weapons - his devastating kicks.A principal difference between northern and southern Chinese fighting styles is that the northern styles give much more emphasis to kicking, and Northern Shaolin had armed Wong with kicks of blinding speeds and crushing power. But before the fight, recalls Chen, "Sifu Wong said he would not use his kicks; he thought they were too dangerous." And despite the dangerous developments that followed that pledge, Chen adds that Wong "kept his word." Though Chen’s recollections exhaust the firsthand accounts, there are further fragments of evidence to indicate how the fight ended.Ming Lum, who was then a San Francisco martial arts promoter, says he did not attend the fight because he was a friend of both Lee and Wong, and feared that a battle between them would end in serious injury, maybe even death. "Who," he asks, "would have stopped them?" But Lum did see Wong the very next day at the Jackson Cafe, where the young grand master earned his living as a waiter (he had, in fact, worked a full shift at the busy Chinatown restaurant the previous day before fighting Lee). And Lum says the only evidence he saw of the fight was a scratch above one eye, a scratch Wong says was inflicted when Lee went for his eyes as he extended his arm for the opening handshake."Some people say Bruce Lee beat up Jack Man bad," note Lum. "But if he had, the man would not have been to work the next day." By Lum’s assessment, the fact that neither man suffered serious injury in a no-holds-barred battle indicates that both were "very, very good." Both men were no doubt, very, very, good. But Wong, after the fight, felt compelled to assert, boldly and publicly, that he was the better of the two. He did so, he says, only because Lee violated their agreement to not discuss the fight.According to Wong, immediately following the match Lee had asked that neither man discuss it. Discussion would lead to more argument over who had won, a matter which could never be resolved as there had been no judges. Wong said he agreed.But within a couple of weeks, he says, Lee violated the agreement by claiming in an interview that he had defeated an unnamed challenger. Though Lee had not identified Wong as the loser, Wong says it was obvious to all of Chinatown that Lee was speaking of Wong. It had already become common knowledge within the Chinese community that the two had fought. In response to Lee’s interview, Wong wrote a detailed description of the fight which concluded with an open invitation to Lee to meet him for a public bout if Lee was not satisfied with Wong’s account. Wong’s version of the fight, along with the challenge, was run as the top story on the front page of San Francisco’s Chinese language Chinese Pacific Weekly. But Bruce Lee, despite his reputation for responding with fists of fury to the slightest provocation, remained silent.Now death has rendered the man forever silent. And the question of whether Wong presented Lee, who is considered by many to have been the world’s top martial artist, with the only defeat of his adult life will remain, among those concerned about such matters, forever a controversial one. Even those Bruce Lee fans who accepts the evidence as supportive of Wong’s account of the fight may argue that the outcome would have been different had the two battled a few years after Lee had developed his own style, Jeet Kune Do. But while it is true that Jeet Kune Du provided lee with a wider range of weapons, particularly kicks, it is also true that Wong continued to grow as a martial artist after the fight. Only after that battle, says Wong, did he develop tremendous chi powers from the practice of Tai Chi, Hsing I, and Pakua.Martial art styles can be divided roughly into two categories: external and internal. External styles, which are also called "hard" styles and which include such American favorites as Japanese karate and Korean taekwondo, rely primarily upon muscular strength, while internal or "soft" styles, such as Japanese Aikido and the three above-mentioned Chinese styles, cultivate a more mysterious energy called chi.Although everybody has chi, few people have much of it, and fewer still know how to express it. But according to the Chinese, this precious elixir can be cultivated and controlled through the exercises of the internal martial arts styles.Specifically, they say chi can be brewed in the tan tien, a spot about an inch below the navel. Once the tan tien is filled, the chi supposedly spills out into other parts of the body, where it is stored in the marrow of the bones. It is said that as a martial artist develops chi energy, his bones become hard, his sinews tough, is muscles supple and relaxed, which allow the chi to circulate freely through the body.Chi usually takes much longer to develop than muscular strength, but it is considered a much more formidable energy. In normal times it is said to serve as a source of extraordinary vitality and as a guardian against my diseases. And in battle, it is said to provide a person with awesome power and near invulnerability.Though Wong had been trained in the internal styles while still in China, up until the time he fought Lee he had concentrated mainly on the refinement of his elegantly athletic Northern Shaolin, which, like Lee’s Wing Chun, is an external style. Following the battle with Lee, Wong would train in the internal styles until he had developed such chi power that he can, according to Peter Ralston, a former student of Wong and the first non-Asian to win the Chinese Martial Arts World Championships in Taiwan, take a punch to any part of his body without injury or even discomfort. As for Wong’s offensive capabilities, they have apparently never been tested.Regarding the question of how much Lee grew as a martial artist after the fight, Wong is convinced that the benefits to Lee from his homemade style were more than offset by the damage it did him. Wong even goes so far as to speculate that Jeet Kune Do may have caused Lee’s death.Most martial arts masters agree that just as serious training in a proper method can greatly improve one’s health, strenuous and prolonged training in an improper method can destroy health. Of the health damage is attributed to improper breathing practices, and often the damage is to the brain. Special use of the breath is acknowledged by every martial arts style as a key element to developing power, though different styles have different breathing methods. Proper methods can be simply categorized as those which develop power while building health, and improper methods as those which either fail to build power or build it but at the expense of one’s health. Though many of the ways in which breathing methods affect health remain mysterious, the methods themselves - at least the proper methods - have been empirically refined over many generations. Wong’s Northern Shaolin, for example, can be traced back to the great Shaolin Temple of more than a thousand years ago, which is considered the source of Chinese martial arts. While the Wing Chun practiced by Lee until his fight with Wong also had a long period of development and refinement, the style he put together after the fight was a chop suey of many and varied ingredients.That Jeet Kune Do lacked the cohesion and harmony of a style in the traditional sense was something acknowledged by Lee himself, who preferred to call it a "sophisticated form of street fighting" rather than a style. After abandoning Wing Chin, Lee developed a disdain for all traditional styles, which he considered restrictive and ineffective. He even went so far as to place outside his school a mock tombstone that read: "In memory of a once fluid man crammed and distorted by the classical mess." It is grimly ironic that it would be Lee would be in need of a tombstone long before the man, trained by and loyal to the "classical mess," who was almost certainly his most formidable opponent.It cannot be proven, of course, that Lee’s fatal edema of the brain was caused by Jeet Kune Do, just as it could not be proven his death was brought on by any of the other rumored causes ranging from illicit drugs to excessive sex to blows on the head. Wong thinks, to serve as a caution to those who believe they can, by themselves, develop the knowledge it has taken others many generations of cumulative effort to acquire.Perhaps it is because he gives so much credit to those who came before him that Wong’s voice is absent of boast when he says his art was superior to Lee’s. But while to him that is a matter of simple fact, Wong, aware that legends are larger than men, is not optimistic about ever being accepted as the winner of the fight. He says, however, that what people think regarding the outcome of the fight is less important to him than what they think provoked the battle in the first place.In Linda Lee’s account, which has been repeated in a number of Bruce Lee biographies, Wong is portrayed not only as a loser but also as a villian. According to Ms. Lee, Wong provoked the fight in an attempt to force her husband to stop teaching Kung Fu to Caucasians.After sketching a brief history of Chinese martial arts up to the Boxer Rebellion, she writes: "Since then - and the attitude is understandable - Chinese, particularly in America, have been reluctant to disclose these secrets to Caucasians. It became an unwritten law that the art should be taught only to Chinese. Bruce considered such thinking completely outmoded and when it was argued that white men, if taught the secrets, would use the art to injure the Chinese, he pointed out that if a white man really wanted to injure a Chinese, there were plenty of other ways he could do it. "However, Bruce soon found that at first his views were not shared by members of the Chinese community in San Francisco, particularly those in martial arts’ circles. Several months after he and James Lee had begun teaching, a kung fu expert called Wong Jack Man turned up at Bruce’s kwoon (school) on Broadway. Wong had just recently arrived in San Francisco’s Chinatown from Hong Kong and was seeking to establish himself at the time, all his pupils being strictly pure Chinese. Three other Chinese accompanied Wong Jack Man who handed Bruce an ornate scroll which appears to have been an ultimatum from the San Francisco martial arts community. Presumably, if Bruce lost the challenge, he was either to close down his Institute or stop teaching Caucasians."So by Linda Lee’s account, her husband had suddenly found himself in a position no less heroic than of having to defend, possibly to the death, the right to teach Caucasians the ancient Chinese fighting secrets. It is a notion that Wong finds ridiculous.The reason he showed up at Lee’s school that day, says Wong, is because a mutual acquaintance had hand-delivered a note from Lee inviting him to fight. The note was sent, say Wong, after he had requested a public bout with Lee after Lee had boasted during a demonstration at a Chinatown theater that he could beat any martial artist in San Francisco and had issued an open challenge to fight anyone who thought he could prove him wrong. As for those in attendance at the fight, Wong says he only knew of few of them, and those barely. Certainly, he says, no group had come as formal representative of the San Francisco martial arts community. Wong attributes both Lee’s initial challenge and his response to the same emotion, to arrogance. "If I had it to do over," he says, " I wouldn’t." But while admitting to youthful arrogance, Wong strongly contests Linda Lee’s allegation that he was guilty of trying to stop Bruce Lee from teaching Caucasians.It is true, say Wong, that most - but not all - of his students during his first years were teaching were Chinese. But that was true, he adds, only because few Americans outside of Chinese communities had even heard of kung fu. Americans who then knew anything at all of the martial arts most likely knew of Japanese judo or karate. They would not hear of kung fu until several years later, when it would be made famous by the dazzling choreography's of Bruce Lee.Far from attempting to keep kung fu secret and exclusive, Wong observes that his was the first school in San Francisco’s Chinatown to operate with open doors. That the other kung fu schools then in existence conducted classes behind locked doors was due more to the instructor’s fears of being challenged, say Wong, than to a refusal to teach Caucasians. Once Caucasians became interested in kung fu, it would be Wong who would train some of the best of them, including Ralston and several other leading West Coast instructors. And all of these students of Wong who currently teaches at San Francisco’s Fort Mason Center would be taught for a monthly fee amounting to a fraction of the hourly rate (in some cases $500) charged by the man who allegedly fought for the right to teach them.

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