arsonist's lullabye
Kaz Brekker x reader
summary: when Kaz Brekker is poisoned by a hallucinogen, it’s not Jordie he sees, it’s you || warnings: poisoning, death, revenge, pekka rollins || word count: 698 || masterlist
Kaz could feel himself falling backwards but can’t stop it. He closes his eyes and lets the darkness consume him.
The warmth around him takes him by surprise and he opens his eyes to find himself on the floor of a merchants shop. You’re standing behind the counter. You, who used to be friends with Kaz before everything and grew up with him and Jordie. Even after everything happened, you kept in touch, always offering a helping hand when you could.
"What brings Kaz Brekker into my shop at this time of day?"
One last thing, you were also dead. You had died at sixteen when the Dime Lions had raided your store and taken everything you’d worked so hard to get. Kaz had been the one to find you that morning. He had sat opposite your body, unable to touch you but unable to look away. He had done everything he could to make sure you were buried nicely and left in peace for the rest of time.
You hadn’t deserved the hand you’d been dealt and to see you standing in front of him now was jarring, to say the least. The woman in front of him now wasn’t the sixteen year old that had died, you were the same age as Kaz, all grown up like you should’ve been.
"Kaz?"
Kaz took a breath. "You’re dead."
"Everyone dies at some point Kaz. I know I’m dead because I’m not actually here. This is all in your mind Kaz, so enjoy yourself."
"What?"
You lift yourself onto the counter. "Your mind showed you me for a reason, what are you searching for?"
Kaz stayed silent, pulling himself to his feet. It was then that he realised, he wasn’t wearing his gloves, his hands were bare.
"What do you want Brekker?"
"I want revenge." Kaz’s expression hardened. "I want Pekka Rollins dead, for me, for Jordie and for you."
"Kaz, he doesn’t even know who you are."
Kaz sneered, "He knows Kaz Brekker."
"And I’ve known you since before Kaz Brekker was even born." You say to him. "Don’t lecture me about the past."
"If you have all the answers, what are you here for?" Kaz angrily asked, getting more annoyed at your mirage.
"There are never many options in this world Kaz, especially in Ketterdam, you need to learn to use what you have."
"Stop speaking in riddles."
"We all have demons Kaz Brekker. You don't forget about them and they don't go away."
"What the fuck does that even mean?"
You laugh at his misery and confusion. "You need to wake the fuck up. You're living in the past, letting your ghosts dictate your future and letting yourself be led by them instead of by yourself."
"Says the ghost."
"I'm telling you to move on Kaz. Wake up and do something for you, not me or Jordie." Your voice was getting louder and louder, trying to get Kaz to listen to you.
"Do something for me!? I've only been doing things for me my whole life. If I didn't, I'd me dead. My hands are covered in blood I've spilt, for me!"
"Look at your hands Kaz Brekker."
He does look down at his ungloved hands. They're absolutely impeccable and spotless, if a little pale.
"If you are the infamous ‘Dirtyhands’, get your hands dirty Kaz Brekker. Get your hands fucking dirty!" You yell. "Stop being a coward and stand up."
Kaz snapped his eyes opened, pushing someone's hand away from him as he took his first real breath in minutes. The harsh reality of your words was starting to sink in, except they weren't really your words.
How was he supposed to move on the way you wanted him to? He had to make your death worth something, make your life worth something even more. How was he supposed to forget everything that had happened?
But you had also said that demons are always there. So he should use his demons however he wants because they're his demons. They do what he wants and the whole world is at his fingertips...
All you have is your fire and the place you need to reach.
taglist: @aoi-targaryen
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You know as much as I will always love Darklina (more the potential of what it could have been but whatever)...
There is something remarkable to be said about Darkolai too.
Like... Every once in a while, I will completely fall down this darkolai rabbit hole. And just devour so many things, and think of different potentials and what ifs and all that.
But I mean, if not the whole sun/shadow and light/dark motif...
You have the whole "will do anything for my country/people" between the Darkling and Nikolai and... While Aleksander is far more radical (due to so many other variables and lifetimes and persecutions and all), their goals are the same.
And I think that's great.
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