#She catches him using tk on a blanket or something and she's like

[doodle17]

The compulsive need to draw Frazie and itty bitty baby boy Raz bonding because Frazie finds out he's psychic like her is strong

[afiendishthingynisba]

Feveruary 2025 Day 15 - "You're Stuck With Us"

Rated G/ 792 words. For the prompt "Guiding Sickie Back to Bed", but Carlos was just SO tired of bed, so they guided him to the couch instead.

Works as a standalone but is also a missing scene from my fic Make Us Be Brave.

Read below or on ao3

Nancy’s partner doesn’t look great. He’s in wrinkled pajama pants, despite the late afternoon hour, and there are bags under his eyes. Still, TK smiles at her as he invites her into the loft, and it even reaches his eyes.

“Hey, bud. How are you guys holding up?” she asks.

He pushes a hand through his messy hair. “He’s really fucking sick, but he’s letting me take care of him now instead of trying to work through it, so that’s something,” he shrugs.

“Okay, well, hopefully, we’ve got some stuff here that’ll help with that,” she says, hoisting the massive care package the 126 had put together.

TK’s expressive eyes mist over. “You guys. You really didn’t have to do all that.” He rubs a hand over his mouth.

“Yeah, well, we love you guys and we wanted to. So there,” Nancy tells him. She’s trying to get better at expressing her feelings.

TK nods. “We really appreciate it.”

There’s a creak and the door to the bedroom rolls open slowly, and Carlos trudges out. If TK looks uncharacteristically tired and disheveled, Carlos looks half-dead. She’s impressed he even had the strength to push the door open. He’s sweaty and a bit gray, the only color in his face the deep flush in his cheeks. Some messy curls are plastered to his face while others stick out at odd angles. He’s in a tank top and sweats, and normally she would be ogling him a little. (TK doesn’t mind. He knows his husband’s built like a Greek god; it’s a point of pride for him.) Necrophilia isn’t really her thing, though. A striped blanket hangs over his broad shoulders, and he’s wearing thick socks; by the menthol smell, his torso and feet are probably covered in Vick’s Vaporub.

“Baby, what are you doing up?” TK asks, walking towards his husband with his arms outstretched. Carlos only groans and walks forward into TK’s arms, his forehead plonking onto TK’s shoulder. “Hey, you,” TK whispers, kissing his husband’s temple and rubbing both hands down his back. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep,” says Carlos miserably. “I’m so tired, but everything hurts so much I can’t, TK.” He stops to catch his breath, sounding like Darth Vader.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m so sorry. I know this sucks. Pneumonia sucks.” As Carlos nods into TK’s shoulder, Nancy watches TK covertly assess him, reaching down to take his hand, resting two fingers on his wrist, picking up the hand and checking his nail beds to make sure they’re not blue. Nancy is torn between wanting to leave, because she feels like she’s intruding on a private moment, and wanting to stay in case she needs to help take care of Carlos. She’s not even sure if Carlos has noticed she’s there.

TK makes the decision for her. Wrapping one of Carlos’s arms around his own neck and catching her eye, he asks, “Nance, can you?” She doesn’t need to ask for clarification, quickly moving to hold up Carlos’s other side. “Baby, let’s get you sitting down before you pass out.”

“Not bed,” Carlos insists, chest heaving.

“Couch is easier, anyway.” They walk him over to the gray couch, where he sinks heavily into the cushions, breathing quick, gasping breaths.

“Nance, can you – albuterol inhaler, on the nightstand?”

“Copy.” She dashes into the bedroom and grabs the inhaler, handing it off quickly to TK, who helps Carlos take a couple puffs. As Carlos coughs painfully, TK presses a throw pillow against what must be his cracked rib. When he finally stops, he looks utterly drained, but he’s breathing better.

“Nice and slow, baby, there you go,” TK murmurs, holding Carlos close.

Carlos nods and puts his head on TK’s shoulder. “Hey, Nancy, how’s it going,” he says, his voice a dull rasp. “Can we get you something to eat or drink?” His eyes are barely half-open.

TK giggles helplessly, looking near tears, while Nancy takes a moment to pretend to consider. “Um, no, you big dummy, you don’t have to host me right now. I actually came to drop off some goodies for you from the firehouse, maybe there’s something in there that’ll make you feel better. Wanna see?”

Carlos looks slightly confused, but pleased. TK answers for him. “Yeah, present time, please.” He presses a kiss to Carlos’s forehead.

“You got me presents?” Carlos looks close to tears.

Nancy grabs the package from where she’d left it on the breakfast bar. “Yeah, bud. There’s giant fuzzy slippers, a blanket, tissues with lotion, electrolyte solution, Boost smoothies, reading material, a humidifier, tea, Epsom salts, I don’t think I even know what all is in there.”

“That’s so nice,” he whispers, overwhelmed.

“Yeah, we’re nice sometimes,” she agrees. “And you’re stuck with us."

~fin~

zero pressure to share, but tagging some moots who may be interested. Please tell me if you want to be removed from or added to these tags!!!

@chicgeekgirl89 @eclectic-sassycoweyes @lightningboltreader @mrs-corrections-78 @henrygrass @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @bonheur-cafe @nancys-braids @captain-gillian @ladytessa74

@emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi

[liminalmemories21]

still looking for prompts Lim? How about ‘I missed you’ 👀

Andrew is six weeks old when he goes back to work. It's physically painful to leave the house that morning, and the stream of text messages and pictures that TK sends him throughout the day make it both bearable and unbearable to be at work and not at home with them.

But when he finally gets out of work that evening he finds himself turning left instead of right towards the loft. He isn't really conscious of what he's doing or where he's going until he turns into the entrance the cemetery where his father is buried.

There's a cherry tree that was planted the year after his father died and he's watched it grow year by year as he comes to visit on birthdays and anniversarys. It's taller than he is now, and in a few weeks it will bloom and drop a fragrant blanket across his father's grave. But it's still only barely in bud now, and the ground is chilly and damp when he sits down.

He pulls a few stray bits of mown grass off the grave stone, letting his fingers linger and trace his father's name. He knows his mother comes every week, spends 30 minutes or an hour catching his father up on the family gossip and news about Carlos and his sisters. Ana comes with her sometimes, and Luisa comes every time she's in town. He's never gotten comfortable being here though, always feels awkward talking to his father's grave.

He glances around, but he's the only person here in the almost dusk. "I don't know if Mom told you, but we adopted a baby." He laughs to himself. "Of course Mom told you. Mom has told everyone." He leans in a little like he's whispering a secret. "Mom is cashing in on every baby shower she's ever been to. We aren't going to need to buy Andrew a piece of clothing until he's three."

He leans back, taking a beat. "He's beautiful, Dad. He's beautiful and perfect and I love him so much, more than I ever thought was possible." He brushes a damp leaf off the edge of the grave stone, studying his father's name - Gabriel Xavier Reyes, beloved husband and father. "It took a long time for me to admit to myself that I wanted to be a father, longer to believe that maybe I could be good at it. TK's always believed in me, but it took me longer to get there."

He smiles. "TK is so good with him. I always knew he would be, but he's so much more than I could ever have imagined. Even when he hasn't slept in two days and we don't have any clean clothes left in the house the way he looks at Andrew is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

He wonders if he'd ever have been able to say something like that to his father if he was still alive, if with another decade of time together they'd have found a way to talk to each other like this, or if it's only possible because one of them isn't really here anymore.

"I miss you," he says, and it isn't as hard to say now as it used to be, doesn't feel as bitter, as freighted with lost chances. "I wish you were here to teach me how to make Andrew feel safe after a nightmare, teach me what days I should play hooky from work to take him out for ice cream. I wish you were here so we could talk about how not to have that change, how not to forget those moments."

His phone dings with a message and he glances at it. It's a picture of Andrew, eyes screwed shut in concentration as he drinks his bottle. He only feels a little foolish when he holds it up to show his father. "I need to get home. TK's been alone all day." Pauses and then says without shame, "And I miss Andrew, it's been ten hours and I swear he looks like he's grown." He pushes himself up and stops to brush his hand against the top of the gravestone. "When he's a little older and the weather's warmer I'll bring him to meet you. I think you're going to really like him."

He texts TK just before he gets in the car. / on my way home / . . . / had to stop to talk to someone /

[detective-giggles]

Back to Square One

My contribution to @tarlosweeklyprompts whump week for the prompt Adoption Falling Through. I’m also using this as a fill for @badthingshappenbingo Crying Themselves to Sleep. Word Count: 1376 Warnings: The prompt says it all; but in this fic TK and Carlos deal with a failed adoption attempt.  This fic has been in the works for a while, but whump week finally gave me the motivation to finish it.  T- thank you for the beta! I appreciate you taking the time to make this fic as angsty as possible! hahaha. 

***

Carlos lets out a heavy sigh, his hands gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white.  The car seat sits empty in the back, a reminder of everything that should have been and everything they had lost, again.  Every time Carlos catches a glimpse of it in the mirror, he thinks he’s going to be sick. TK has been oddly silent on the drive home from the hospital which has been both a blessing and a curse.

He knows that TK is restless. He can see it in the anxious way he moves, tapping his foot against the floorboard and gnawing on the strings of his hoodie, hands twisting in his lap instead of one sitting comfortably in Carlos’ like normal

Carlos desperately wishes he knew what to say that could fix this. Something that could make him feel okay about this awful situation they are in, but with Carlos feeling the same, heavy sadness, how could he when he still felt so empty himself?

Carlos pulls the car into the driveway and kills the ignition. “Look, TK-” 

He fights back tears as TK opens the door and climbs out of the car. TK slams the door a little harder than necessary and Carlos sighs and worries that TK’s going to make them wallow in their pain without the other to lean on - before he realizes TK is waiting for him. 

He slides out of the car and makes his way to his husband. TK reaches for his hand, grabbing it tightly like it’s a lifeline, and together they make their way up the walkway. He squeezes Carlos’ hand as they walk, a silent I love you. I need you.

Carlos is prepared for TK to head straight to bed when they get inside. He is not prepared, however, to be greeted at his front door by his parents and Owen, presenting gifts and looking every part of the Proud Grandparents. 

TK takes one look around the impromptu party, face falling even more, and freezes for just a second before making a beeline for the stairs. Carlos watches helplessly as TK takes the stairs two at a time and then disappears, slamming the door behind him. He winces as the sound echoes in the now silent space, itching to join TK and hide from the world.

He starts to follow and then stops, turning to face all three of their parents. “I’m sorry,” he says automatically.

“Carlitos… what happened?” Andrea asks and pulls him in close, wrapping him in a hug. 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now. I- we just- I’m sorry, I need to go.”

“Of course. Go be with TK,” Andrea says. “We’ll clean up here and let ourselves out,” she offers as she presses a gentle kiss to her son’s cheek.

“Thank you.” Carlos hurries up the stairs without looking back.

“TK, baby?” Carlos pushes open the door and finds TK curled up under their blankets, holding a stuffed bumble bee that should have belonged to their daughter.

“I…can’t do this again.” TK’s words feel like a punch to the gut and Carlos tries to fight against the nausea as the reality of what TK said sinks in. He doesn’t blame TK for feeling this way, but he also wishes he didn’t. They still have a chance to have the family they want.

Carlos swallows hard, “TK, we don’t have to make any decisions right now. Everything is still so fresh and-”

TK shakes his head. “Carlos, I’m sorry. But I can’t.” He looks down, unable to meet Carlos’ gaze.

“TK, sweetheart, I…” Carlos pulls TK close and nods. He rubs TK’s back and presses a kiss to his crown. He can feel TK’s tears soak into his shirt. He wants to cry too, to mourn the family he’ll never have but TK needs him right now, so he stays silent.

“Yeah, okay, I understand,” Carlos says finally. He doesn’t understand, but he’s already watched TK’s heart shatter and he’ll do anything to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  He wouldn’t put TK through this pain again if TK didn’t want to try. His husband’s mental health and happiness meant more to him right now than any could be family they would have. 

Eventually TK’s sobs quiet to hiccups and soon he drifts off into, what Carlos assumes will be, a fitful sleep. 

Carlos slips out of bed and makes his way toward the staircase. The door to the nursery is cracked and he pauses in the doorway, leaning heavily against the door frame.

The room is stuffed full of everything they would have needed for the new baby. Some stuff was new, some things were hand-me-downs. Carlos wasn’t even sure what was in all the boxes. He knew one thing, however, every item in that room was gifted with so much love.

He sighs, defeated. Numb. He wants to be angry; he wants to be able to blame someone. But instead, there’s the empty hollowness of his dreams slipping through his fingertips. His stomach flips and he feels nauseous again; his heart pounds as he thinks about all they need to do to turn the nursery back into a functional guest room.

Carlos turns and, against his better judgment, sends his fist flying into the door jamb. He regrets it almost immediately; pain explodes in his hand and radiates into his wrist and arm, but it doesn’t compare to the pain in his heart. 

“Damn it,” he mutters. There’s a red smear from where the skin on his knuckles split upon impact and it’s already starting to swell.

Carlos slams the door behind him and hurries to the staircase, putting as much distance as he can between himself and the room.

He grabs an ice pack from the freezer and drops into a chair gingerly placing the ice pack over his throbbing knuckles. He stares at the wound, wishing that it could be the thing that helps him forget the sorrow that’s taken root in his heart. He would give anything to feel something other than the heartache that he knows will stick with him for weeks, if not months.

He nearly jumps out of the chair when he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let me see,” TK urges.

“It’s fine. I promise there’s no hole in the wall.”

“I’m more worried about your hand,” TK tells him, holding out his hand. “Come on.”

Carlos takes TK’s hand in his and lets TK lead him to the bathroom.  He closes the toilet lid and sits. TK takes a peek at his hand and then rummages around in the cabinet for their first aid kit. 

He’s silent as he digs through the overly-stuffed plastic box and starts setting supplies aside.

“I’m sorry, TK, you shouldn’t have to take care of me right now.”

“That’s what we do. Take care of each other,” TK says simply. 

Carlos watches silently as TK cleans and bandages his wounds, then pokes at his hand a bit. Carlos winces when he hits a tender spot. 

“Sorry, babe. You’re lucky, I don’t think anything’s broken. You’ll just be sore for a bit. But definitely keep some ice on it to keep the swelling down.”

“Okay,” Carlos says meekly. TK hands back the partially melted ice pack and Carlos holds it against his hand. 

“You know, I-”

“TK, I know you’re hurting right now. And I’m sorry. I’d do anything to make this better. But please don’t give up on us.”

“Baby, I’m not giving up on us. Look, Carlos, we’ve only been married a couple of years. Let’s just enjoy this, enjoy us. And then, in a few years, maybe we can try again?” 

Carlos nods, slowly, “So you’re not saying no?” 

“I’m not saying no,” TK promises. “And if an opportunity arises in the meantime, we’ll revisit this, okay?” 

Carlos lets out a tiny snort. “What, you think a kid is just going to drop into our lap?” 

“You never know,” TK says. “Now, come on. You probably need some fresh ice. And I think I need some junk food.”

Carlos shakes his head and reaches for TK, pulling his husband down onto his lap. “All I need is you.”

[rafael-silva]

we remain: a tarlos fic

Missing scenes from 2.12. Takes place after Carlos and Gabriel’s phone call. 

*

“He on his way?”

Carlos nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sound so upset before.”

Gabriel’s arrival after the fire leads to him taking Carlos and TK home, where Andrea is waiting for them with some much-needed motherly comfort. Reeling from the fire and its damage, Carlos feels heavy and lost. He leans on his boyfriend and TK is there to catch him. Carlos comes to a realization and with TK’s help and guidance, Carlos finds his footing again.  

missing scenes, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, carlos needs a hug, kisses, sharing a bath, soft tarlos

4.5k | rated T | on ao3

*****

“He on his way?”

Carlos nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sound so upset before.”

Carlos had zoned out of the conversation jumping between Judd, Owen, Tommy and Billy as they all stood by the opened ambulance doors. He’d hear TK’s voice whenever the young paramedic would say a word here or there, but Carlos’s eyes kept drifting back to what remained of his, and briefly his and TK’s, home. The stench of smoke and burnt wood hung heavy in the air around him. He almost felt lightheaded as he surveys what little remains of the life he built for himself over the past few years. Carlos feels like he’s free falling, the only thing keeping him from crumbling is TK’s hand in his, strong, supportive and there. Carlos holds onto his boyfriend with everything he’s got, both needing the support and needing to know that TK is really here and next to him.

He looses track of time, but soon, his ears pick up on a worried voice calling from behind, a familiar voice. But it seems so far away, so distant, like he’s underwater and someone is calling for him from above.

Carlos slowly turns around, his hand still clasping TK’s, and it’s then he registers his father rushing towards him.

“Carlitos,” Gabriel calls again, his voice coated with concern and his eyes blown wide.

“Dad,” Carlos whispers, his voice hoarse as he breaks away from TK’s side and takes a couple of steps to meet his father.

“Hey, son,” Gabriel breathes out and wastes no time in wrapping Carlos in a hug.

Exhausted, mentally and emotionally, Carlos falls against his father, closing his eyes as a tear falls down his ashy cheek. He gravitates closer to Gabriel and the older man tightens his hold him.

Carlos can hear Gabriel murmuring words of support and comfort and Carlos soaks it all up. But it doesn’t stop his body from shaking in his father’s arms.

“It’s okay, son, it’s okay,” Gabriel continues with his reassurances, and after a glance towards the ambulance and seeing TK standing near Judd, looking shaken but otherwise unharmed, he adds, “you’re both okay.”

Gabriel’s hold on Carlos doesn’t falter until Carlos starts to calm down. The officer draws in a breath and is about to say something but those words are interrupted by a rough cough tearing through his throat.

Gabriel frowns and he’s the one who pulls back slightly, eyebrows drawn together and closely watching his son’s face as the coughing fit continues.

“Carlos,” Gabriel says once his son can answer, “are you sure you don’t need to be in the hospital?”

“It’s fine,” Carlos replies around a grimace, pausing to suck in some air and swallows against his parched throat. “I got checked out, we both did, and it’s just minor smoke inhalation.”

“Son…” Gabriel tries again.

“We’re okay, dad.”

Carlos’s shoulders are hunched downwards like they were carrying the weight of the world and then some and Gabriel sighs, hating how worn out and tired his son looks. Carlos looks so deflated, so small and it breaks Gabriel’s heart.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, that you both are,” Gabriel expresses, his eyes not leaving Carlos’s. “I was so worried.”

Carlos nods, sniffing. “For a moment in there, I…I thought we weren’t going to make it out…the fire was everywhere, the whole house was…even in the bedroom. We were about to jump out of the window when Owen…” he trails off, his voice breaking. He bites down on his lower lip as fresh tears build in his eyes, as he recalls those terrifying moments. As he recalls the words he stumbled over, the fear echoing as he spoke, thinking it would be the last time he’d ever talk to TK.

Gabriel momentarily shuts his own eyes, his soul shattering at the mere thought of his son not making it out of the fire, and knowing that that was a very real possibility shakes him to his core. And even more so, knowing that he was partly responsible for this disaster, that his actions could have inadvertently caused his son to get hurt or worse, or caused his son to lose the man he loves. Gabriel knows he’s never going to forgive himself for this. His mind drifts back to the frantic call he had received from Owen less than an hour ago.

Gabriel had frowned slightly when the caller ID lit up with Owen’s name. Something stirred in the Ranger’s gut then, telling him that something was wrong.

“Owen,” Gabriel had picked up.

“Gabriel,” Owen replied, his strained voice confirmed Gabriel’s instincts. “Have you heard from Carlos recently?” He asked, forgoing any pleasantries.

The question made Gabriel sit up a little straight, any remnants of fatigue from their long day immediately evaporated from his bones. He took a quick glance at Andrea, who was moving to get into bed next to him, before he answered Owen.

“Not for a few hours…why?”

“Raymond, we know he wasn’t done. Remember what he said? That he’s going to take everything that’s important to me? I thought he was talking to me,” Owen paused and Gabriel heard the sound of the car accelerating.

Dread had begun to build in Gabriel’s gut as he waited for Owen to continue.

“I thought he meant the 126. But the fire at the station wasn’t what he was talking about. At least not completely. Gabriel…I didn’t realize it sooner but he was talking to us both.”

Gabriel’s blood ran cold and his heart dropped into his stomach when Owen’s word sunk in and he realized. “The boys…”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to reach TK but it keeps going to voicemail.”

“Hold on,” Gabriel said as he turned to his wife. “Call Carlos.”

It was Andrea’s turn to frown, confusion morphing on her face but the urgency behind her husband’s words had her instantly reaching for her phone and calling their son. She shook her head a few moments later.

“Voicemail,” she informs Gabriel, her voice thick with worry now.

“Try again.”

“You’ve reached Carlos, leave a message and I’ll call you back.”

Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Carlos’s phone keeps going to voicemail, too.”

“I’ll keep trying TK, I’m on my way there now and we called it in,” Owen said.

“I’ll meet you there,” Gabriel replied as he got out of bed.

He turned to Andrea again once he hung up the phone, the feeling of helplessness sinking deeper into his body and he could see his own fear reflected back at him.

He didn’t really know where to begin, but he settled for, “the boys are in danger.”

He wasted no time in getting dressed and driving towards the condo, sending silent prayer after prayer that the boys were okay, that Owen would get there in time. He didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until he gets a phone call with his son’s voice on the other end five minutes before he arrived. Relief washed over him, and the surge of emotions was enough to break his usually strong composure, making his hand shake as he gripped the steering wheel.

He breaks from his thoughts when he hears Carlos shakily exhale and a hand goes to cup Carlos’s face, Carlos instinctively leaning into his father’s palm.

“You made it out, son, you’re here and that’s the most important thing. We’ll figure out everything else, okay?”

Carlos nods again and starts composing himself, his hands going to hold at the blanket around him and adjusts it over his shoulders.

Gabriel gently pats his cheek and gives him a sad smile before withdrawing his hand and they make their way over to TK and the others.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Gabriel tells TK, lightly clapping him on the shoulder.

“Thank you, sir,” TK responds, moving back to Carlos’s side.

“Owen,” Gabriel then extends his hand towards the fire captain, “thank you.”

Owen nods and shakes Gabriel’s hand. “It wasn’t just me, though.”

Gabriel then looks at Judd, Tommy and Billy. “Thank you all, truly.”

“Don’t mention it,” Judd replies. “Carlos is family and we do anything for family.”

Gabriel’s heart swells at Judd’s statement and at seeing that there’s a village of people looking out for his son.

Gabriel nods his thanks at Judd before turning to Tommy. “Captain Vega, thank you for being here.”

The Paramedic Captain nods. “Of course, I wanted to make sure the boys were okay for myself.”

“They’re going to be okay?”

“Dad…” Carlos groans.

“This is for your mother,” Gabriel turns to look at Carlos. “She made me promise to make absolute sure that you’re okay, from everyone.”

“They’re okay,” Tommy confirms. “I checked them both over myself, they’re going to be a little tired and weak for a few days, so they have to take it easy,” she pauses to look directly at TK, who shifts on his feet under the attention and leans into Carlos, “but they’ll be recovered in less than a week,” she continues. “They just need to rest.”

Satisfied, Gabriel nods. His eyes move back to Carlos, who’s looking at the few scorched frames that are still standing. Gabriel feels the guilt start to build again, both at seeing the ruined house and the broken look on Carlos’s face. He knows he’ll have to talk to Carlos about this, to tell him what caused this. He’s worried it’s going to cause another rift in their relationship they’ve only started to mend, but he knows that he’d deserve that if it happens. He kept information from his son and his son lost his home, his son almost didn’t make it out. His guilt is only increased at missing the true meaning behind Raymond’s threat. It was right there, right in front of him, but he missed it. He can’t help but wonder if only he had caught it before, if he had realized, maybe this tragedy wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Carlos wouldn’t look so crushed right now.

But he missed it, and it almost cost him his boy. It almost cost his son the man he loves. He’s standing in these ruins and his heart clenches in his chest. Those are things he’s going to have to live with for the rest of his life. And he’s going to do whatever it takes to earn his son’s forgiveness.

Seeing how heavy and worn-out Carlos looks, Gabriel decides to keep an eye on his for the time being, to make sure he’s okay, and here. To make sure both he and TK are okay. It’s the least he could do.

Feeling his father’s gaze, Carlos turns to look at him and Gabriel responds with placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you ready to go?” Gabriel asks.

Carlos’s breath hitches a little, looking back at the house and then at TK. He knows there’s nothing to be done, the house is gone and he can’t do a single thing about it.

Besides, what remains of the house is still swarming with firefighters so he can’t go back in even if he wanted to. But still, it feels like his feet are nailed to the ground and he can’t move an inch, fixated on the burnt ash lying ahead of him.

TK appearing in his line of sight breaks Carlos out of his haze.

“Babe,” TK starts, both hands going to hold Carlos’s face. He caresses Carlos’s cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, not breaking their eye contact.

Carlos focuses on TK, on his green eyes that stand out against the black ash painting his face, and it helps calm the officer.

TK suppresses a cough before he continues. “I think you should go with your dad,” he voices. “I know being close to your parents tonight will help, baby. And I’m sure your mom wants to see you. I’ll be fine, I just want to make sure you’ll be okay.”

Carlos shakes his head at the implication that he and TK would be spending the night apart. It’s true, he knows being close to his parents will help him and his parents feel a little better, but he can’t be away from TK, not right now, not when he’s still picking up the pieces of his broken heart, when he can still feel the smoke getting thicker around them, when he can still feel the dread in his gut at the realization that this could have been the end for him and TK. Not when the fear is still coursing through his veins and the roar of the fire hadn’t completely quietened in his ears.

Carlos knows TK doesn’t want to impose and assume he can go home with Carlos to Gabriel and Andrea’s. He knows TK wants to give him what he needs. But the bottom line is, he needs TK. He won’t go anywhere without him.

Gabriel picks up on Carlos’s hesitation and jumps in. “TK is more than welcome to come with us. And he’s right, your mother is eager to see you, son. And I know she wants to make sure that TK is okay, too.”

Carlos relaxes ever so slightly at that, a little of tension in his shoulders fading away. He swallows and nods. Being apart from TK right now would have felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

With a look between TK and Owen, TK’s eyes saying I can’t leave him and a nod from the older man, it’s decided.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here,” TK promises and wraps Carlos in a hug, holding him just like he had earlier.

Carlos buries his face in TK’s neck, and underneath all the soot and sweat and ash, he could still smell the scent that is TK and it helps soothe his hammering heart.

“My phone, well,” TK tells Owen after he and Carlos separate, gesturing to the nearly empty space behind them. “I’ll text or call from Mr. Reyes’s phone.”

“Okay, son,” Owen nods, making a mental note to get TK a new phone and pulls him into a hug. “Take care of each other.”

With quick goodbyes to Owen, Tommy, Judd and Billy, the three men walk to the Ranger’s truck and climb in.

Carlos doesn’t have the energy to look back, but he steals a glimpse of what was once his home through the right side mirror. His heart feels heavy in his chest as the remaining structure gets smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing out of view. And it’s just then, it truly sinks in that almost everything he’s built for himself, is gone.

He sighs, leaning his head back against the headrest and closes his eyes. He feels the pull of sleep but there’s still residual adrenaline pumping through his veins, keep him on edge. He settles for resting his eyes and hopes it will ease the sting from the smoke.

The drive to Andrea and Gabriel’s house is spent in silence. Carlos only opens his eyes when he feels the truck slowing and comes to a stop a few moments later, followed by Gabriel turning off the ignition to indicate they’ve arrived.

Carlos takes a moment to look at his parents’ house through the window before moving to get out of the truck. The front door is torn open and he spots his mother quickly walking towards him before his feet hit the ground.

“Ma,” Carlos whispers and a second later, he’s being held in his mother’s embrace.

“Oh, Carlitos,” Andrea sighs, taking on most of Carlos’s weight as he slumps against her.

There’s a considerable height difference between them, Carlos having to lean down to hug his mother, but in this moment, in Carlos’s current state, he feels like a small boy in her arms as he further curls against her and she feels like a giant holding him close.

She doesn’t let go of Carlos, a steady arm on his back, but she extends her other to TK when he appears behind her son. He reaches out to her, their hands connecting and she gives his hand a supportive squeeze, which TK responds to with a nod. He has missed a motherly touch.

“Let’s get you boys inside,” Gabriel’s voice breaks the silence, noticing how Carlos and TK are standing on wobbly legs.

Andrea nods and reluctantly pulls back from Carlos, her eyes still glued to his face and her heart breaks some more at noticing the black botches littering his skin and the redness sitting inside his eyes.

“We’re okay, Ma,” Carlos reassures her, his voice still scratchy and low. He gives her the best smile he could muster, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

She nods again and returns the smile, unshed tears shimmering in her brown eyes. “Come on, like your father said, let’s get you inside. I made some soup and fixed up your old room for you boys,” Andrea announces as she leads the men inside.

Carlos is engulfed with memories of his childhood as soon as he walks through the door. He feels his heart lighten a little and TK was right, being here does offer some comfort he so desperately needs.

TK immediately senses that through their cosmic connection, and squeezes Carlos’s hand. Carlos glances over his shoulder and gives TK a small smile.

“I knew you’d be coming here,” Andrea continues. “Call it mother’s intuition, but I knew.”

Carlos nods and looks back at TK and they have a silent conversation then, their eyes meeting and speaking a thousands words and thoughts through brown and green gates. Concern, reassurance, love, all radiating between them, an invisible string always connecting them.

“There are some fresh towels on the bed, and I’ll reheat the soup so it’s ready when you’re done cleaning up and getting changed.”

“Thanks, Ma,” Carlos gives Andrea another hug, drawing strength from her.

She kisses his cheek when they separate and then moves to hug TK. “Thank God both of you are okay.”

Andrea and Gabriel watch as Carlos slowly leads TK up the stairs and only when they disappear down the hall does Andrea turn to her husband.

“I’d feel better if they stayed here for a few days,” she says.

Gabriel nods. “Me too.”

“They’re shaken, but they’re going to be okay, they have each other and they have us and Owen, TK’s team…it’s going to be okay,” Andrea expresses.

Upstairs, TK follows Carlos into the room and closes the door behind them. Carlos takes TK’s shock blanket and discards both blankets into the laundry bin next to the door. With a heavy sigh, he drops on the edge of the bed, leaning forward and places his face in his hands.

TK wants to look around the room, to catch glimpses of Carlos’s childhood and teen years in the books and comics lined up on the shelves, in the posters hung on the walls, in the certificates proudly framed and the medals and trophies neatly organized together. But he pushes that to the side for now, he can do that later. Right now, Carlos needs him.

TK moves towards the bed and sits on Carlos’s left. He wraps an arm around Carlos’s hunched shoulders and draws him close, the officer easily going with him. Carlos removes his face from his hands and settles against TK’s chest, closing his eyes when he feels the kiss TK drops to the top of his head.

Carlos’s hair smells of smoke and ash but TK can smell his boyfriend’s mint-scented shampoo underneath it all. In more ways than one, that mint scent has become TK’s home.

There are no words to be said, not really, so they just stay like that for what seems like hours. TK holding Carlos, running a hand up and down his arm while Carlos listens to TK’s heartbeat as it echoes against his ear, strong and steady. And in its own way, this moment says everything that needs to be said.

TK is the one to break the silence.

“We should get cleaned up, babe,” TK whispers, not wanting to completely shatter the quiet. “And then we’ll have some soup and we’ll sleep.”

Carlos untangles himself from TK but remains close to him, their thighs and sides still touching. He knows sleeping won’t be easy, that there are likely a few nightmares awaiting in the dark, and he knows TK knows that too, but he doesn’t voice it. Instead he nods, eyes drifting to the towels next to them.

“Don’t worry about those, I’ll get them,” TK says, breathing through the urge to cough but a couple of cough escape through his lips. “Do you want to shower alone or together?”

“Together,” Carlos immediately replies, and a light blush colors his cheeks.

The blush draws a light, playful chuckle from TK, and the sound brings a small smile to Carlos’s face.

“Okay, babe,” TK nods. “That’s what I was thinking, too.”

They navigate to the bathroom hand in hand, hearing a soft hum coming from downstairs as Andrea and Gabriel watch tv. TK closes and locks the door behind them, and they both start to undress. Their soiled clothes meet in a pile on the floor and Carlos’s eyes linger there for a few moments. As far as he knows, this is everything of theirs that survived the fire. A shirt, a hoodie, two pairs of sweatpants, two pairs socks and two pairs of shoes. That’s it. That is what remains of the life he, and then he and TK, had built. It sends a painful pang echoing through his chest.

The sound of the water spray hitting the marble brings him back from his thoughts, his head snapping up to see TK adjusting the water temperature.

He takes TK’s offered hand and they both step under the water, letting it run down their skin and wash away the physical evidence of the fire.

They take turns caring for each other, lathering up shampoo in their palms and running their fingers through each other’s hair as they wash away all the soot and ash and dirt. They brush soft kisses to each other’s body as they go along, kisses to shoulders, cheeks, hands, necks. Little reminders that they’re okay. They melt against each other, needing to know they’re both there, both giving and receiving in every way they can. They step out when the water starts to run clear and it gets a little cool, drying up with the towels and retreating back to Carlos’s bedroom.

Carlos opens the closet and retrieves some of the clothes he leaves there and lays them on the bed. Two pairs of sweatpants, an old police academy t-shirt for him and a similarly old police academy hoodie for TK.

TK gives him a smile when he notices the hoodie.

They change in silence and TK is about to head out but Carlos’s holds his hand to stop him. TK turns to face his boyfriend and moves back towards him.

“I just…I just need a moment,” Carlos explains, pushing out a small cough.

“Yeah, of course,” TK nods. “Whatever you need.”

Carlos hovers by the foot of the bed for a few seconds, shifting his weight between his feet and swallows. His hands begin to shake on their own accord and his head falls forward. TK instantly takes Carlos’s hands in his and applies a reassuring pressure to them, giving Carlos something to focus on and to help ground him.

“Baby, look at me,” TK pleads.

Carlos slowly lifts his gaze to meet TK’s beautiful eyes. He sees tears swimming against the green irises, sees the concern TK is carrying for him, sees TK’s own pain and fear.

“We’re okay,” TK vows. “I know this won’t go away overnight, I know there’s a lot for us to deal with, I know there’s a lot to feel. But I also know that we have each other, and we’ll rebuild our life together. I promise you. I’m not going anywhere. I swear it to you, Carlos, I’m not leaving your side. And everything you need to feel, feel it. I will be here to catch you.”

Carlos blinks, sending a tear rolling down his cheek. “I thought…when I thought we weren’t going to make it, I started missing everything we would be, everything we had yet to do together. I could see it so clearly, a flash of what we’d become together and then it was gone. I felt that loss, I felt the loss of us and it…” he shakes his head, “it hurt so much.”

TK plants a kiss to Carlos’s forehead. “I know, babe, I was scared too, because there’s still so much we didn’t do together and I was terrified we’d never get to do all those things, that it would be over when it’s only just begun for us…but we’re here, we’re alive, and we have each other,” TK wipes at Carlos’s fallen tears.

Looking into TK’s eyes, feeling and seeing his love and his passion, and feeling the love and passion he has for TK flutter in his chest in return, Carlos reevaluates an earlier thought.

Those clothes aren’t the only things that survived the fire. They survived. Their love survived.

They lost their home, yes, but Carlos realizes then, maybe home is a person. And he knows in his heart now that he found his home in TK.

TK cards his fingers through Carlos’s wet curls and touches his forehead to Carlos’s as they breathe together.

TK leans in, brushing soft kisses to each side of Carlos’s mouth and then one to his lips. Carlos moves in for another kiss when TK starts to pull back.

“Ready?” TK asks when they eventually separate after a few more exchanges of gentle kisses.

Carlos takes TK’s hand and nods, feeling the warmth of TK’s touch seeping into his skin.

“Ready,” Carlos replies and lets TK lead them out of the room and down the stairs where Andrea and Gabriel greet them with soft smiles.

And watching the love of his life engaged in a light conversation with his mother as she serves their food, and feeling his father’s reassurance presence at his side, Carlos nods to himself.

His eyes move back to land on TK, who softly laughs at something Andrea said and Carlos’s own lips curl upwards into a smile at the sight.

Carlos knows it’s going to be a tough road ahead, but for the first time since discovering the fire, hope starts to blossom in his chest.

Sensing his gaze, TK turns, easily finding Carlos’s eyes. For a moment, the rest of the house disappears and it’s just the two of them as they exchange the smiles that are reserved only for each other.

TK turns to Andrea when she says something and with his eyes still focused on TK, Carlos thinks, yeah, we remain.

[bellakitse]

When the world throws you off the track (I have your back)

“I’m just glad my son’s tender heart didn’t cost him this time,” he finishes with a half-smile, looking at TK like he’s waiting for him to agree. Instead, TK frowns at the words and the tone with which they are said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he questions, feeling his hackles rise as the man gives him a confused look.

+

Gabriel stops by Carlos' place and finds TK, they have a conversation about Carlos' decisions.

Warning* there is a passing line about police brutality 

TK is lounging around on his boyfriend’s couch, resting like he promised he would, while Carlos is at the market when the doorbell rings. He frowns slightly at the sound. He and Carlos aren’t expecting anyone. The team had wanted to stop by, but Carlos, being overly protective after his latest accident and head injury from just two days ago, had pushed them off till the weekend.

He gets up slowly from the nice cocoon Carlos made him before he left, figuring that maybe his boyfriend needed help with the door. Carlos only went to get a few things for dinner, but TK knows how he likes to wander the shops, always coming home with more than he set out to buy.

“Did you buy out the market again, babe,” he asks as he opens the door, coming up short when it’s not his boyfriend struggling with groceries, but instead his boyfriend’s father standing on the other side, eyebrow raised at his greeting. “Mr. Reyes,” he stammers out, caught by surprise at the man’s presence. “Uh, hi?”

The man gives him an amused half-smile in return. “Hello TK, may I come in?”

“Oh!” TK exclaims, feeling himself blush, rushing to answer. “Um, yes, of course. Please come in.”

Gabriel tips his hat at him, taking it off once he steps into the living room, looking around as he stands in the middle of it.

TK fidgets behind him quietly as Gabriel’s gaze pauses on his little nest on the couch before turning to look at him, his lips twitching as he looks at him up and down. TK follows his gaze, his face growing hotter as he remembers that he’s wearing one of Carlos’ old APD shirts and sweats, both a little too big for him.

“Carlos is at the market,” he blurts out, feeling off-center as Gabriel studies him. “He said he was gonna make chicken tortilla soup?”

“Sopa Azteca?” Gabriel questions with a smile. “His mama would make it for him when he wasn’t feeling well as a kid. He better make the tortillas fresh, or Andrea will have words with him if she finds out.”

TK chuckles, feeling some of the tension leaving his body. “Carlos makes pasta from scratch because from a box is a crime – his words. Pretty sure he feels the same about store-bought tortillas.”

Gabriel huffs, his amused expression letting TK know he’s familiar with the argument. “His mama will be proud. Those two take cooking very seriously.”

TK lets out a snort at the understatement. “Oh, I know. I’m not the greatest in the kitchen, and as a result, he doesn’t let me in there without supervision.”

Gabriel lets out a chuckle at his words, helping TK relax further.

“Can I get you something to drink?” he offers, remembering his manners.

“Water, please.”

TK nods, quickly making his way over to the fridge as Gabriel sits on one of Carlos’ love seats.

“So, TK, how are you feeling?”

TK pulls out two bottles of water, turning back towards the living room. He hands Gabriel one of them before sitting across from him, trying to tidy up his blankets. “I’m okay. I had a headache for the first day, and I’m still a little banged up, but mostly I’m fine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Gabriel tells him. Silence settles over them after that. TK picks at a loose thread of the blanket as he tries to think of what to speak about. Noticing this, Gabriel puts him out of his misery. “So you’re probably wondering why I’m here?”

“Yes – no,” TK stumbles over his words. “I mean, this is your son’s home. I’m sure Carlos has told you,  you are welcomed any time you want to come over.”

“But you’re surprised I’m still here when he’s not,” Gabriel finishes for him with a grin.

TK gives him a shrug, not bothering to correct the man when he’s right. He is curious.

“I came to tell him that the case against him is officially closed, and he’s been taken off suspension,” Gabriel informs him, pausing when TK lets out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god,” he says with a smile of his own at the good news. “I’m glad that’s settled.”

“Me too,” Gabriel answers before shaking his head softly. “I’m just glad my son’s tender heart didn’t cost him this time,” he finishes with a half-smile, looking at TK like he’s waiting for him to agree. Instead, TK frowns at the words and the tone with which they are said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he questions, feeling his hackles rise as the man gives him a confused look.

“It means that he’s lucky it worked out in his favor,” Gabriel frowns back at him. “It could have blown up in his face if he had been wrong.”

“But he wasn’t wrong,” TK shoots back tightly, his skin feeling tight with irritation. He recalls Carlos’ face as he told him everything that had gone down between him and his father, his hushed words as he confided that even though his father said he was proud of him in the end, he didn’t entirely feel it was true. He remembers his boyfriend’s hurt face, and it makes him angry.

“TK, this could have gone really badly for him,” Gabriel argues, his frown deepening.

“Yeah,” TK agrees sarcastically. “If he hadn’t trusted his instincts, if he hadn’t led with his kind heart, that man would have blown up. Not could have, would have. I spent time with the psychos that strapped the bomb to that victim; they killed one of their own right in front of us. They would have set that bomb off if Carlos arrested him, killing that poor man, Carlos, and his partner. Carlos’ compassion saved them all, as well as my team and me. And here you are acting like it’s a weakness, a failing of his, when if more cops were like Carlos, then maybe the public wouldn’t have to take to the streets every other week in this country,” he finishes hotly, all but shouting by the end.

He’s breathing hard as he tries to rein in his anger. Looking over at the older man, he finds him looking stunned.

“Well – “ Gabriel clears his throat. “You certainly have strong opinions.”

TK closes his eyes for a moment, taking a long slow breath and then another. “I would apologize,” he starts, his voice calmer even if the rest of him isn’t. “But I’m not sorry,” he says bluntly, pressing his lips together. “Your son is incredible, as a person and as a cop. I’m not saying that because I’m his boyfriend. I work with Carlos. I see how good he is at his job, and a big part of that comes from being one of the most compassionate people I have ever met.”

Gabriel says nothing to that. Instead, he watches him, studying him, and even though TK knows he should probably stop now, he has one more thing to say and can’t hold it back.

“I love your son, Sir,” he says quietly, his heart beating so loud it echos in his ears. “I love him, and I have made it my job to protect and defend him from anything and anyone who would cause him pain, and if that includes you too, so be it.”

Gabriel opens his mouth, and TK braces himself for his response, only for the door to open again as Carlos walks in.

“Babe, I found those tangerines you like on sale,” he says with a smile, stopping short when he sees they’re not alone. “Dad?” he questions, shooting him a look. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

Gabriel looks at him for a moment before standing up and turning towards Carlos. “I came to let you know the investigation’s done and stayed to talk to TK for a bit.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Carlos smiles softly, first at his dad and then over at him. TK tries to return it, but the conversation he’s just finished makes it difficult. Carlos gives him a questioning look, but TK turns his focus back to Gabriel when he clears his throat. 

“Well, I should get going,” he says, focusing on his son. “Your mother is making ribs tonight, and you know I don’t like to be late to those.” 

Carlos nods, giving his father a slight nod, but his attention is still on him.

“TK – ” Gabriel starts, and TK braces himself. “It was...interesting talking to you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at that, the questions clear on his face.

“You boys have a good evening,” Gabriel finishes as he heads for the door. He stops by Carlos and claps his shoulder. “We’ll talk later, mijo.”

“Yes, sir,” Carlos nods, holding the door for his father, closing it behind him. He turns back towards him, brow still raised. “Wanna tell me what happened here?”

“I may have told your dad off?” he says hesitantly, letting out a groan when Carlos’ eyes widen at his words. “Oh my god, I told your dad off,” he repeats, mostly to himself as what he’s just done catches up with him. He drops his head into his hands and lets out another whine. “I can’t believe I did that.”

Carlos moves; TK can hear him walking towards the kitchen, placing the groceries on the counter before making his way over to TK. He feels the couch dip next to him with Carlos’ weight, but he doesn’t look up at him. He only lifts his head when Carlos places a hand on his neck and gives it a comforting squeeze. 

“He’s gonna hate me now and tell you to break up with me,” he tells Carlos, only half-joking, dread quickly spreading through him.

“My dad doesn’t hate anyone. I’m not sure he knows how, and he sure as hell will not hate the man I love,” Carlos answers thoughtfully. “But even if he did, I’m not going to break up with you because my parents want me to. You’re stuck with me, baby.”

TK smiles, letting out a huff of laughter as Carlos smiles back at him.

“Tell me what happened,” he asks softly, taking TK’s hands in his.

TK leans back on the couch, letting out a sigh before he speaks. He starts from the beginning of Gabriel’s visit and how awkward it felt. He’s honest about what he said, giving Carlos’ hand a squeeze when he makes a face at his dad’s words. He bites down on his bottom lip as he recalls his reaction, feeling embarrassed by his outburst but even now not feeling sorry about it. He meant what he said; he’s going to do his best to protect Carlos, even if it means from his own family. Wrapping up, he holds his breath as Carlos stares at him, mouth open and eyes wide.

“You really did that,” he whispers, his disbelief clear; it makes TK cringe.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, remorse slowly starting to set in. So much for Carlos’ parents liking him. “Fuck, Carlos, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it. He started talking, and I saw red – “

TK stops explaining. He can’t speak when he basically has a lap full of Carlos. His boyfriend all but crawling into it as he wraps his arms around his shoulders and hugs him for dear life. TK instinctively hugs him back just as hard. His hold tightening when he feels Carlos shake.

They stay like that for a few minutes as TK runs his hands up and down Carlos’ back. When Carlos pulls back to look at him, he’s thankfully not crying, but TK can see the emotion in his big brown eyes.

“Thank you,” he says softly, and TK feels overwhelmed by the love he feels for the man in his arms.

“Anytime,” he answers, his voice rough from his own emotions. He takes in the gratitude and love he sees in Carlos’ expression and swallows hard, feeling overwhelmed by it himself. “I love you, Carlos. I’m always going to have your back no matter what. We’re a team.”

Carlos smiles at him. It’s a little wobbly, but it’s tender, and it’s there. “A pretty damn good one too.”

TK grins, a chuckle passing his lips as the tension inside him dissipates at Carlos’ words. “Yeah, we are.”

 ֎֎֎

 Hours later, when they find themselves once again on the couch after filling up on Carlos’ delicious soup, his phone rings.

TK holds his breath as Carlos shows him the ID that says it’s his mother. He doesn’t understand as Carlos speaks rapid Spanish with her, but he lets out the breath trapped in his lungs when Carlos starts to laugh, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he looks over at him.

“Si, Mami, he’s a firecracker,” he says into the phone, his smile teasing when TK looks at him with wide eyes, realizing he is the topic of conversation. “I’ll ask him and get back to you, okay?” he says to his mother, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Okay, I’ll call you back–love you too, Mami.”

Carlos hangs up the phone. He doesn’t speak for a moment. Instead, he throws his head back on the couch and lets out a chuckle. TK waits despite being on pins and needles.

“Dad told my mom about your conversation,” he starts, lifting his head to look back at him with a smile that is both surprised and happy. “They’re both impressed with my protective boyfriend, and mom is feeling left out on getting to know you,” Carlos continues with a twinkle in his eye, his smile only growing as TK stares at him. “So she’s inviting us to dinner at the house this weekend if you would like to go.”

“They don’t hate me?” TK can’t help but ask, shocked at the request.

Carlos’ expression goes soft at his question. He leans in, giving him a gentle kiss. “Hate someone who obviously loves their son?” he questions, shaking his head. “No, baby, my dad doesn’t hate you, and my mom sounds like she’s ready to adopt you into the family,” he continues with a quirk of his mouth. “How do you feel about being a Reyes?”

TK blushes at the question. He knows it’s said in jest, but he can’t help the way his heart speeds up at the thought of him sharing Carlos’ last name.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” he answers honestly with a small smile of his own when he hears Carlos’ breath catch. “In the near future,” he finishes with a shrug he pretends is casual.

“In the near future,” Carlos repeats, amazement coloring his words. He looks at him for a moment before shaking his head, the smile on his face bright and beautiful. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that,” he answers smartly. He gives Carlos a kiss on the cheek before he cuddles back into his side. “We should get a pie from that bakery we like on Winston for dessert.”

“Is that yes to dinner?” Carlos questions into the side of his face.

“Of course,” he answers, his focus on the tv even though his heart is racing. “If I’m going to be a Reyes someday, I should probably make nice with the in-laws.”

He feels Carlos smile against his skin. “Not nervous?”

TK lets out a snort, turning his face to look at his boyfriend. “Scared shitless,” he says with a wry grin, but it softens after a second. “But you’ll be there, and I can handle anything with you by my side.”

Carlos smiles at him. He leans in, pressing his forehead against his. “We’re a team.”

[sapphire11]

No rest for the weary (until you learn to ask for help)

Summary: “Did you know that you need at least four interrupted hours of sleep a night or else the effects of sleep deprivation can set in as quickly as 48 hours?”

TK and Carlos are quick to find out what it means to be parents when their 6 month old daughter catches a cold that keeps them up for nights on end. Between that and working demanding jobs, they learn that sometime asking for help is more important that proving you can do it all on your own.

Tags: Additional Tags: Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Sleep Deprivation, Sick Character, Hospitals, Comfort, TK strand Needs Sleep, Carlos Reyes Needs Sleep, Established Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Parents Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Prompt Request fill for my amazing friend @beautifulhigh on my @badthingshappenbingo: card for Sleep Deprivation. 

Read on ao3 here or below the cut

The call came at 2:28 a.m. on a Tuesday.

TK doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the exact moment this particular journey began.

Although as he’s woken up for the fourth night in a row by cries coming from across the hall he’s not sure he can remember what day of the week it is now.

Rolling over to find Carlos’ side of the bed cold, again. He groans, pulling himself out from underneath the warmth of the blanket and shivering when his bare feet hit hardwood floors. It’s winter in Texas and after living here for going on six years he’s lost any protection from the cold that growing up in NYC had given him. He snags a hoodie off the footboard and slides it on as he shuffles across the hall.

Recognizing the inconsolable cries of his sick 6 month old he hurries more quickly to the crib, picking their daughter up while shushing her gently. “Shhhh baby girl, I know you don’t feel good, shhhhh”

He bounces Mila up and down gently, swaying back and forth, the way he’s seen Grace and Judd do with Charlie and Peter. The way he remembers doing with Jonah when he was still young enough to be held like this. The thought reminds him that he owes his little brother their weekly phone call.

Mila settles in his arms and TK bends slightly to place a soft kiss on her head. The skin feels too warm under his lips and has him reaching for the thermometer they’ve used more times this week than he likes. Waiting for the beep takes several agonizing moments.

The number on the thermometer is higher than he’d like, but not dangerously so. He bounces his way into the kitchen where the children’s Tylenol is stored, getting the correct dose is easy, getting Mila to drink it is harder. Mila has worked herself into a fit by the time TK gets the medicine into her and it takes 30 solid minutes of pacing around the living room before she settles down again.

TK is dead on his feet and looking forward to two days from now when he starts his 48 hours off, but until then he’s determined to power through. When he and Carlos decided to apply for adoption TK vowed to himself that he’d always be there and that he would prove to himself and everyone else that he could do it.

If doing it means getting less than four hours of sleep a night, TK hopes this doesn’t last long because he kinda wants to cry at how tired he is. His body thanks him when he sinks into the armchair in the living room. His mind is screaming at him to put Mila back safely in her crib and to make sure not to fall asleep with her on the chair. As a paramedic he’s been to one too many infant death calls to make that mistake, but his exhaustion pulls him under before he can muster the energy to stand up again.

The front door slamming shut startles him awake from where he was just beginning to doze. Eyes flying open in horror that he would do something so careless. His sudden movements cause Mila to squirm in his arms and TK is quick to bounce her gently, humming softly. He glances at his husband as Carlos rounds the corner from the entryway into the living room, with too loud steps.

“Hey sweetheart.” Carlos whispers as he walks more carefully over to them. TK can see the fatigue in the set of his shoulders and the lines around his eyes. “Mila still not feeling well?”

TK shakes his head and then motions towards the nursery before slowly getting up to place Mila back in her crib, praying she stays asleep this time.

He meets Carlos in their bedroom and sinks into the offered embrace with a sigh. “Her fever is up again, but she doesn’t seem congested anymore. I don’t know why she isn’t sleeping.” TK whines into Carlos’ chest. “I’ve checked everything I can think of, twice .”

“The doctor said it could take up to a week for the cold symptoms to go away and as long as she’s not having any of the warning signs she mentioned she should be okay.”

“Yeah I know, maybe we should call again in the morning though? Just to be safe.” TK implores.

Carlos sighs, “TK we cannot call the doctor every day, they’ll drop us from the practice.”

“Pssshh that’s not a real thing just because you saw it on an episode of Friends.” TK argues back.

This gets a fond eye roll from the other man, even as he answers softly, “fine. In the morning. Come on, let's both try to get some sleep. Don’t you have a shift in 3 hours?”

“Shit, yeah.” TK replies as he rounds the bed to climb back under the covers that have cooled considerably in the hours since he woke up with Mila.

He’s just about drifting off to sleep when sharp cries begin again. Carlos has already fallen asleep, having worked for almost 24-hours and taken care of Mila the night before while TK was on shift. TK hates to wake him, but he knows he’ll be no use to Nancy and Tommy tomorrow if he doesn’t get some sleep.

“Carlos. Babe.” He tries shaking Carlos’ shoulder as the cries increase. “Carlos!” He shouts causing the other man to shoot up in bed.

“Huh, wha…?” Comes the adorable mumbling from a mostly asleep Carlos. He seems to wake up slightly more when the cries register.

TK just points towards the door. “Can you? Shift tomorrow, remember.” TK mumbles and watches through bleary eyes as Carlos nods and gets back up from bed.

Listening intently until the cries quiet before he burrows back into the warmth left behind from Carlos’ body and allows himself to drift off to sleep.

The alarm shatters his peaceful sleep only two and a half hours later and TK wakes to find Carlos’ side of the bed still empty. After a cold shower, that does little to wake him up, TK finds Carlos sitting in the nursery rocking chair with Mila safely tucked into his chest.

“Did you catch any sleep?” TK whispers as he ghosts a kiss on Carlos’ head.

The shake of his head is expected, but TK worries still. He knows Carlos is in the middle of a big case and needs to be able to focus while at work.

Watching Carlos carefully lay Mila back into the crib fills his heart with so much adoration it spills over into every part of him. Carlos smiles softly at him and grabs his hand as they make their way out of the room and to the kitchen.

“Do you have to go into the station right away this morning?” TK asks as he makes a quick to-go coffee and grabs a power bar from the cupboard.

“Yeah.” Carlos sighs, “It’s all hands on deck while the girl is still missing.”

TK hates that for him, that he has to worry on two fronts. He knows Carlos takes every case to heart and as hard as he tries to not bring it home with him, sometimes they hit hard. That’s why he’s even more determined to try and take on the burden at home and he feels the burn of guilt for making Carlos stay up with Mila last night. He can’t help, but worry about his husband working on such little sleep.

“I’ll stay in the office today. I’m sure we have enough camera footage or computer searches to do to keep me occupied.” Carlos assures TK and it will never fail to make his heart swell at how well his husband reads his anxieties.

“You’re liable to fall asleep in front of the computer.” TK jokes back as he hands Carlos a mug filled with steaming coffee before grabbing his own.

Carlos takes a careful sip of the black coffee and grimaces, making TK chuckle a bit, Carlos hates black coffee. “Take a sec to add some milk before you insult my coffee anymore babe.” he jokes, kissing Carlos full on the lips before grabbing his work bag and heading for the front door.

“Love you, be safe.” Carlos calls out.

“I love you too, be safe in front of that computer today. Wouldn’t want you getting more of that chronic eye strain.” TK sees Carlos stick his tongue out at him as he slips out the door.

The bright sunlight hurts his eyes and the drive to the station passes by in a blur. He’s lucky he could practically make this drive with his eyes closed, but he thinks he might need to pass off driving duties to Nancy today.

Paul nods at him as they meet walking into the station before shooting him a look, “You and Carlos up too late watching those home improvement shows again?”

TK huffs, it was one time and really Carlos’ fault, but they’re still making fun of him because he wore his shirt backwards half the day. TK glances down at his shirt and seeing it’s on the right way he sighs, “Mila couldn’t sleep last night and Carlos is still working that big case.”

“Sorry man, that must be rough.”

TK shrugs, “We’re making it work. I just hate seeing them so uncomfortable.”

“Mila or Carlos?”

TK just shoots him a look as they enter the locker room to change. TK’s barely finished buttoning up his shirt when the medical alarm blares and he hears Nancy’s voice from the hallway “That’s us Strand, you decent.”

With a wave to Paul TK races out of the locker room a step behind Nancy. He shakes his head when she tries to hand him the keys to the ambulance. “You good?” Captain Vega asks as she catches up to them seeing the exchange.

“I’m good Cap, just didn’t catch much sleep last night is all.”

She gives him an assessing look, “All right, you’re on radio and life signs today then. Nancy can handle driving and IV’s.”

“Copy Cap.” come simultaneous replies from him and Nancy before they all jump into the ambulance to head out to their call.

Any hope of catching a couple hours of sleep during his shift vanishes by midday when they’re already on their sixth call with more constantly being added. They’ve only been back to the station once and that was just for a quick restock before heading back out. It’s past the normal dinner hour by the time they’re trudging back into the depths of the station hoping to find some leftovers.

TK’s happily surprised to find the fire half of their crew still seated around the table in what looks like the middle of dinner.

“Look who made it back just in time to reap the fruits of our labor.” Marjan jokes.

Paul and Mateo shoot her looks and say almost creepily in sync, “Who’s labor?”

“Okay so mostly your labor, but I helped.” She argues back getting a couple of “mhmmms”

TK doesn’t have the energy to get involved in the banter. Dropping into an open chair next to Judd and grabbing food blindly from the dishes on the table.

“You okay brother?” Judd questions looking down at TK’s fork. TK follows his eyes realizing he’s currently taking Judd’s pasta salad right off of his plate instead of from the dish in the middle of the table.

Blushing and with his verbal filter apparently as shot as his physical awareness he blurts out the first thought that pops into his head. “Did you know that you need at least four interrupted hours of sleep a night or else the effects of sleep deprivation can set in as quickly as 48 hours?”

His random fact of the day gets everyone’s attention and they all turn to TK with various looks of amusement mixed with concern. TK shifts uncomfortably, “At least that’s what I read on one of those online parenting boards when I was up with Mila again last night.”

“I read somewhere that elephants only need 2 hours of sleep a day,” Mateo exclaims excitedly, “Maybe that’s why they never remember anything.”

“I think you’re remembering it wrong Mateo. The saying is ‘elephants never forget.’” Paul quips back smirking.  

“Anyways,” Marjan interjects with a heavy side eye at Mateo. “How long has it been since you got at least four hours of uninterrupted sleep, TK?”

TK tries to think, counting back the nights since Mila’s cold first began. “I don’t know four, maybe five,” he hedges and watches as everyone’s eyes widen comically.

Judd’s the only one who doesn’t react, “Sounds about like our first few months with Charlie. Before we had her reflux under control.”

“How the heck did you survive?” TK whispers desperately.

Judd looks up at him over the rim of his glasses with a pointed look. “With help. Tommy and the girls helped watch her some during our days off, and Gracie’s mom came round a couple of nights when things got real bad.”

TK doesn’t respond right away and Judd sets his own fork down leaning forward a bit, “Look kid, I know you and Carlos are trying to do this thing all on your own, but it’s okay to lean on your family a bit for help. It doesn’t make you a failure or weak to accept that you need somethin’ every now and then.”

“Yeah, I get it.” TK agrees tiredly back, focusing on taking a bite of his dinner instead of thinking about how the advice Judd’s trying to give him makes his insides wriggle uncomfortably.

Five minutes later the alarm goes off again and the paramedic trio all groan when they hear the call for medical.

“No rest for the weary.” Nancy quips as she pats TK’s back while getting up from the table. TK just groans again as he slowly pulls himself from his seat and drags his tired body after his crew.

It’s late by the time TK drags himself home after two hours of overtime on his shift. Captain Vega and Nancy had both tried to convince him to leave the shift on time, but he wasn’t about to leave his team one person short just because he was a little tired.

He finds Carlos in the kitchen when he gets home, Mila is smiling sleepily in the swing a few feet away, still within visual range, but outside of the kitchen danger zone that Carlos insists they respect until she’s old enough to be taught proper kitchen safety rules.

“Hey babe.” TK says giving Carlos a kiss on the cheek, before moving over to make funny faces at Mila. “Look who’s a happy baby today, you feeling better? Hmmmm.” TK wants to pick her up and snuggle her close, but he didn’t have the energy to change and shower at the station so he’s still in his work clothes.

“I’m going to go take a shower and change real quick okay babe?” TK confirms as he moves out of the kitchen.

“Okay, dinner will be ready in 30 minutes.” Carlos calls after him.

The hot water feels so good running over TK’s skin and the warmth of the whole room makes his eyes heavier with every blink until he’s practically napping against the side of the shower. It takes all his energy to stumble out and pull on his warmest sweats and hoodie before making his way back into the kitchen.

The sight of Carlos leaning elbows on the counter head hanging loosely between his hands brings him up short. Carlos lifts his head and blinks blearily at him, like he’s trying to remember what he was doing and how he got there.

“Hey.” Carlos says in a soft voice.

“Hey yourself.” TK responds, “Dinner ready?”

Carlos spins around with a speed TK didn’t think he’d be capable of a second before. “Oh shit,” Carlos pulls chicken out of the oven that's maybe just this side of too done. He sighs heavily as if it’s the end of the world even as TK walks up to wrap his arms around him from behind.

“Looks good babe.” he offers, causing Carlos to laugh even as he replies, “I know you’re just saying that.”

TK shakes his head, “no seriously, I’m sure it will still taste great. You know you didn't need to go to all this trouble when I know you're exhausted, but I appreciate it."

"I know. A home cooked meal just sounded better than take-out for the third night in a row, especially after your text saying your dinner at the station got interrupted."

"Hmm, it does sound good. Come on, let's eat and then I really want to fall into bed with you.” TK winks as he picks up Mila and snuggles her tight to his chest. It’s getting late for her to still be awake and she blinks sleepily up at TK from his arms.

“No offense TK, but I don’t have the energy to do anything other than literally fall into bed with you.” Carlos replies, exhaustion clear in every part of him.

“Trust me no offense taken, I feel the same.” TK rocks Mila softly, enjoying the quiet coos she makes as she falls deeper into sleep. “I feel like I could sleep for a week and still wake up tired.”

Carlos agrees and they continue on with dinner. Conversation is light; no one wanting to disturb Mila or having much energy for anything other than bringing food to their mouth.

TK gets up from the table carefully and passes Carlos a sleeping Mila before he goes to the sink to do the dishes from dinner. He figures it’s the least he can do after Carlos cooked for them despite his own exhaustion. When he finishes he finds Carlos standing in front of the crib softly singing a Spanish lullaby as Mila sleeps peacefully for once. TK prays that this means their luck has changed and they’ll all be able to get some sleep tonight.

Carlos meets TK in the hallway, wrapping an arm around his waist and guiding him into their bedroom where they literally fall into the bed together, both falling asleep almost as soon as their heads reach the pillows.

What feels like seconds later TK is awoken from a deep sleep by the shrill ringing of a telephone. The sound cuts off only to start again before TK feels Carlos shift in bed and answer it with a gruff “Hello.”

TK rolls over trying to block it out and catches the numbers on the clock saying it’s 11:48, meaning they’ve only managed to be sleeping for about two hours now. He’s closing his eyes again when he feels the bed shift before the weight is lifted off Carlos’ side and TK rolls over again to watch his husband pulling on his work pants and shirt from where he laid them out the night before. Feeling incredibly irritated at the whole situation TK throws the blanket over his head with a huff, catching Carlos’ attention that he’s awake.

“Hey, sorry that woke you. We caught a break in the case. I have to go in.” Carlos’ voice is soft and sincerely apologetic, but TK is past the point of reason.

“It’s the middle of the freaking night, can’t it wait until morning?” he grumbles angrily.

“I mean normally, but there’s a missing girl and the window for finding her safe is closing so…” Carlos trails off and TK feels like a dick for being angry when Carlos and his co-workers are just trying to find a missing person.

“Nah I get it, go on. I can hold down the fort here.” TK tells him with a kiss as an apology and a shove towards the door.

TK has trouble falling asleep again and his eyes keep drifting open to watch as the time on the clock ticks forward …. 12:12, 12:25, 12:57, 1:03 …. TK’s just drifting off again when Mila’s cries begin from the other room. In a desperate attempt to pretend this is all just some nightmare TK buries his head beneath the pillows and wills it all to stop. When the screaming gets so loud that he can hear it through the pillows the guilt hits hard. His baby is crying for him and he was trying to ignore it.

That thought has him scrambling out of bed, legs still trapped under the blankets causing him to fall gracelessly to the floor face first. He manages to catch himself before completely smashing his face on the floor and gets on his feet to hurry to Mila.

The little girl’s face is red from the screaming and her head is hot to the touch. Too hot, TK thinks, his sleep deprived brain still a step behind where he usually is.

Checking Mila’s temperature again as she screams, TK’s panic only increases at the number, 104, flashing on the screen. The red background that “helpfully” tells him his daughter’s temperature is too high screaming at him. Picking Mila back up and bouncing her gently does nothing to soften her cries and with shaking hands TK pulls out his phone cursing when the line rings through to voicemail. He tries to reach Carlos again as Mila’s cries continue to increase and TK laughs a little hysterically in panic.

TK knows he needs to take Mila to the hospital so he quickly throws some things into the diaper bag by the door and buckles Mila into the infant seat. Her cries only increase when she’s not in TK’s arms. “Shhh baby girl.” TK coos, frantically searching for his keys and cursing the fact that he didn’t drop them into the bowl by the front door.

TK tries bouncing the baby seat a little when it hits him that they’re still in the pocket of the jacket hanging in the front closet. It’s a minor triumph when he’s able to locate them and get Mila’s carseat locked into the base in the back of their SUV.

He tries to reach Carlos again on the drive to the hospital, nearly wanting to throw his phone across the seat in frustration when he doesn’t answer. Then Judd’s words from earlier hit him. He’s not a failure for needing help and he certainly could use some help or at the very least some support right now. The phone rings in his ear and he almost doesn’t expect anyone to pick up being that it’s the middle of the night, but then there’s a soft rustle and a quick, “TK?” being uttered from the other end.

TK can’t help but let out a sob of relief at hearing another person’s voice and he can barely get his voice to work even as Andrea picks up on his cries and begins to ask in half a panic what’s wrong.

“I’m sorry to wake you up, but Carlos is working and Mila wouldn’t sleep and then her temperature spiked and I’m taking her to the ER now. I need help.” comes rushing out of him over the sound of Mila’s continuous cries from the backseat.

“TK, mijo, breathe.” Andrea commands and TK follows the order taking a sharp breath in.

“Good now, which hospital are you headed to?”

“Children’s Memorial.” TK rasps, trying to maintain focus on the road so as to not get them into an accident while still keeping one eye on the mirror where he can see Mila red faced and upset.

There is rustling and whispers on the other end of the line. TK thinks he hears Gabriel's voice and it takes him an absurdly long time to realize that would only make sense. He’s zoned out so hard he almost misses Andrea’s reply.

“We’ll meet you there in thirty minutes.”

A sudden rush of guilt accompanies the relief, “You don’t have to do that.” he tells her half-heartedly. The instinct to not take too much from other people still so strong after all these years.

“Nonsense son,” comes the gruff voice of Gabriel Reyes over the phone. “Drive safe. We’ll see you soon.”

TK nods as the line cuts out and he’s quickly pulling into the hospital parking lot. TK curses as he realizes he left the diaper bag on the floor of the living room in his panic to find his keys, but he just unbuckles Mila’s car seat and wraps her in the spare blanket they keep in the car to carry her inside.

TK glances around the waiting room and sighs in relief at the lack of people waiting when a young nurse with a kind smile greets him at the desk. Mila has thankfully stopped screaming in his arms, but TK shivers at the heat radiating from her small body.

“Yes, my daughter, she’s been sick for a while now and tonight she spiked a 104 temperature. She’s been inconsolable for most of the night.” TK explains quickly.

“Okay, if you want to step this way we can triage her right away.” The nurse directs TK into a curtained area behind the desk. There is a small bed and a few shelves of medical equipment that TK recognizes. The nurse quickly takes Mila’s temperature and TK pales at the still too high number.

“When’s the last time she had Tylenol?” She asks gently.

TK tries to remember, but his sleep deprived brain can’t come up with a clear thought, “ummm maybe two hours ago, “he guesses, uncertainty clear in his voice.

“It’s okay, has she had any ibuprofen?”

TK shakes his head no, more certain of this, they had run out of ibuprofen last night and Carlos was supposed to bring some home today.

“Okay, we can alternate the two so we should be able to give her some ibuprofen in two hours. For now can you get her undressed so I can do a quick exam and we can hopefully get her cooled down some?”

Fumbling fingers reach to pull off the pants Mila was wearing and then unbutton the onesie underneath. If the nurse notices TK’s shaking hands she doesn’t mention it, although TK recons she likely sees panicked parents every day working in a children's hospital.

Mila wakes up during the process and makes a disgruntled sound, before her face scrunches up and she lets out a loud scream.

“Oh yeah, you’re not happy are you sweetie.” The nurse coos gently as she completes her exam. She finishes quickly and turns to TK, “we’re going to get you set up in an exam room. The high temperature is a little concerning and her heart rate is a little fast, but her breathing is good. We’ll get you both sorted out real soon.”  

Just then TK’s phone rings from inside his pocket and he pulls it out to answer the incoming call from Andrea. “TK we’re here. Where are you?”

“We’re just heading back to a room right now, room 108.” He answers as the nurse guides him through the glass sliding doors into the room. Pulling the phone away from his ear he speaks to the nurse “My inlaws are here.”

“I’ll make sure they make it back here and a doctor should be in shortly.” She assures him with a quick smile. True to her word a minute later Andrea and Gabriel Reyes step into the little room. Andrea immediately makes her way to take Mila from him while wrapping her free arm around his back for a quick hug. Then she’s pulling back to study his face intensely and he feels a bit like a guilty kid caught lying to his mom. She sighs, turning her attention back to the crying baby cooing to her and singing in a low voice. Mila takes to her easily, sleepy eyes blinking before falling closed.

TK feels his own heavy eyes begin to blink and startles to look up when he feels a hand on his arm.

“Sit mijo, before you fall over and give us another reason to be in the hospital.”

TK wants to protest, but he has no energy for it as he’s guided into a chair near the bed that Andrea’s settled her hip on while she holds Mila. Fifteen minutes pass quickly with Andrea and Gabriel doting over Mila while TK strains to keep his eyes open and alert. The doctor entering the room has TK shooting to his feet. “Hi little one,” the doctor greets Mila before turning to the three adults in the room, “What seems to be the matter?” she asks.

TK launches into an explanation of Mila’s cold and trouble sleeping for the last five days. The doctor hums, pulling her stethoscope from around her neck, warming the end up on her shirt before placing it against Mila’s bare back. “Lungs sound good.” She reaches for the otoscope on the wall next. “Looks like we found the problem.” she exclaims looking in one ear and then the other.

“What?” TK asks anxiously from his place holding Mila on the exam table.

“Double ear infection,” she answers, “We’ll get her on some antibiotics and monitor to make sure we can get the fever down with Tylenol and ibuprofen, but all things considered you should be able to take her home in a couple hours.”

“Thank you doctor, that's great.” Andrea answers when TK’s voice is caught in his throat. He’s kicking himself, how did he miss an ear infection? He’s trained for these kinds of things. How did Carlos ever manage to convince him this was a good idea? He’s pulled out of his spiral by Andrea placing her hand on his cheek.

“TK, mijo, she’s going to be alright, Esta bien.”

“How did I miss this?” He gives voice to his anxiety.

It’s Gabriel who answers, “when it’s your child, it’s different, we don’t always see the whole picture. You can’t blame yourself. Children get sick.”

The nurse returns to give Mila a dose of antibiotics and assurance that they’ll be back to check on her in a little while. TK manages to doze in the chair by the bed while Andrea gently rocks Mila and soothes both her and TK into sleep with soft murmurs. By the time the doctor comes by again it’s pushing into true morning. She checks Mila's temperature and declares that it’s gone down an acceptable amount, handing TK a prescription for an antibiotic and wishing them well. Thankfully the hospital has a 24 hour pharmacy and he’s filling Mila’s prescription while the Reyes’ get her settled into the SUV.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out to find that Carlos is finally calling him back. A quick flash of anger passes through him. It’s been hours since he tried calling Carlos and he’s just now getting back to him.

“What!” he answers harshly and he hears the stunned silence for a moment on the other end of the line, before Carlos releases a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry TK. I’ve been in the interrogation for hours now without my phone. I just now got out. Is everything okay, you called a few times.”

“No Carlos, everything is not okay. I’ve spent the last few hours with our daughter in the emergency department.”

“What?! TK, is Mila okay? What happened? I’m leaving now, right now. Which hospital? Shit TK, I’m coming I swear. I’m so sorry.” The words are pouring out of Carlos mirroring all the fear, pain, and anxiety TK’s been feeling for the last while, it takes the wind out of his sails as his anger extinguishes.

“Mila is fine. She has a double ear infection. The doctor gave her a prescription for antibiotics and we’re actually leaving now for home.” TK explains and then adds on as an afterthought. Your mom and dad are here with us.so no need to rush home if you still have work to do”

“Screw work. You and Mila are my priority TK. I’m sorry I lost sight of that.” remorse rings over the phone and soothes a part of TK that he didn’t even know what hurting.

“Okay, I’ll see you at home then.” he replies, “Love you.”

“Love you too, TK.” Carlos answers and then the line goes dead.

Andrea drives the SUV after insisting that TK was in no state to drive, leaving TK feeling jittery, on edge, and disconnected. When they get home to find an anxious Carlos pacing in the driveway, TK is quick to reassure him again that Mila is fine. Watching Carlos deflate seeing their daughter sleeping peacefully it hits TK just how tired both he and Carlos are.

Andrea carefully takes Mila out of her car seat and carries her inside. Settling herself on the couch comfortably she refuses any offer from them to take Mila off her hands.

“Let me hold my granddaughter for a few hours while you two catch some sleep.” Andrea scolds gently.

TK realized somewhere tonight that they really have let this whole situation get too far out of control and both him and Carlos need to learn to be better at asking for help when they need it. Which is why it’s easy to convince Carlos that Andrea is right. Mila will be just fine without them for a few hours while they get some real rest.

Even so, he catches Carlos glancing at the screen of his cellphone and TK knows he’s probably got a dozen messages from work. TK himself is supposed to be on shift at noon today. Andrea seems to catch the message because she snatches the phone out of her son’s hand and gives both boys a look that would make them shake in their boots if they weren’t dead on their feet.

“No, you are no good to anyone else, neither of you, until you get at least six solid hours of sleep. TK I’ll call your father and ask him to pass the word along to your captain. Carlos, your father can handle dealing with your boss if you can’t make a simple phone call to say you’ll be out sick.”

TK nods easily while Carlos cringes at the thought of his dad stepping in and takes his phone back mumbling a petulant, “I’ll call and let them know I’m out today.”

Now that TK has agreed to this plan of action he feels himself falling quickly into the need for sleep. He blinks slowly as hands corral him into the bedroom and push him gently onto the bed. He would be embarrassed that his father-in-law is taking his shoes off and tucking him into bed if his brain had any capacity at all for thinking. Instead he just accepts the help and sinks into the peaceful oblivion of sleep.

When he wakes later that day to an empty bed, feeling the most well-rested he’s felt in a long time he takes a moment to be truly grateful to have family there to support him and Carlos. Carlos greets him with rumpled curls, a soft smile, and a hot cup of coffee when he makes his way to the family room. TK smiles seeing that more of their family have joined the Reyes as Owen now sits holding Mila and Andrea is reading softly to Charlie and Peter while Grace & Judd watch from their spot on the couch.

TK allows himself to sink into the warm embrace of his husband's arms as he thinks about how their journey may have begun in a single moment, but it grows every moment like this. Surrounded by family, love, and never-ending support.

[morganaspendragonss]

Hello, fic request coming through if you are still doing them! Okay, Carlos has not been feeling well so he stays in and doesn't go to his shift. TK still has his shift, so he wants to stay with Carlos to keep an eye on him but Carlos says he is fine. TK is uneasy at work just wants to go back home, he calls Carlos but he is not answering. Tommy says TK can go check up on Carlos, while he is at home, he finds Carlos in bed and when he goes closer, Carlos is not breathing. Paramedic!TK coming through. Super angst ensues but Carlos makes it in the end after some time in a coma.

holly's august extravaganza day 25: heaving through corrupted lungs

thank you for the prompt!

thanks also to @noxsoulmate for the beta! 💚

ao3 | 2.9k | major character illness, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, brief references to past, canonical character death

“Strand, I know we’re not on a call right now, but you could at least pretend to be focused.”

TK flushes as Tommy’s somewhat less-than amused voice reaches him from the back of the ambulance. He hurriedly locks his phone and shoves it in the glove compartment, though not before checking every messaging app he has for word from Carlos.

There’s none, of course, just like it’s been all day. Logically, he knows Carlos is probably sleeping—god knows he needs it—but that isn’t going to stop him from worrying, or from sending check-up texts every ten minutes. It does, however, stop Carlos from answering, which isn’t very conducive to TK’s ability to concentrate on work today.

“Sorry, Cap,” he says. “It’s just—”

“Carlos is sick and you’re being paranoid, as usual,” Nancy chimes in, audibly rolling her eyes from the driver’s seat. “Look, dude, if he said he’s fine, then he’s probably fine.”

“Well, I’m the paramedic in the relationship, and I say he’s not fine.” TK sighs and forces himself to resist the urge to pull out his phone again. “Carlos likes to lecture me about hiding injuries, but he’s exactly the same when he’s ill; he could be on death’s door and still saying he’s okay. But he hasn’t said anything today, so I’m worried.”

“You’re always worried about him.”

“Welcome to relationships,” Tommy comments. “Seriously though, TK, are you going to be okay to finish this shift? There’s still ten hours to go and we cannot afford for you to be distracted out there.”

TK doesn’t answer right away; on one hand, he’s itching to go home and check on Carlos, to make sure he’s still breathing and actually resting like he’s supposed to be. On the other hand, Carlos would probably kill him if he left work, illness be damned. It’s just… Carlos had looked so ill that morning, skin ashen and voice all but gone, and it had taken a lot of convincing for TK to still go to his own shift. He’d insisted on making sure Carlos had all the blankets and water and snacks and anything else he could possibly want, but even so, he’s still uneasy.

His gut is telling him that something’s wrong, and TK doesn’t think he can ignore it for much longer.

He’s staring out the window, considering his options, when he realises that he knows these streets. Like, actually knows them. They’re right around the corner from his and Carlos’s home, and an idea strikes TK like a lightning bolt.

“Hey, Cap?” he asks, twisting around in his seat to look at her. “How about we take a lunch break now instead of driving all the way back to the station? There’s a great place nearby, and it’s less likely that we’ll be interrupted by a call before we get food.”

Tommy eyes him suspiciously, clearly not buying his innocent act. “What are you talking about, TK?”

“Mine and Carlos’s place is literally two streets away; we could drop by and I could check in on him and make sure he’s okay. Plus,” he continues, already spotting the argument on Tommy’s face, “I’m not lying about the food. Carlos cooks in bulk, so we’ve got loads of leftover casserole in the freezer.”

Tommy pauses, indecision clear in her expression. She narrows her eyes at TK, scrutinising him. “Will this mean you’ll stop being so distracted?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright.” She sighs and nods, and Nancy switches directions to head towards their home. “I’m holding you to that, Strand.”

TK spends the entire drive, short as it is, drumming his fingers on his knees and trying to keep the ever-growing panic at bay. Carlos is going to be fine.

He has to be.

He jumps out the ambulance before Nancy’s even fully stopped it, cursing himself as he fumbles with his keys. Tommy pats his shoulder soothingly; it doesn’t really calm him down, but TK appreciates the effort and her unconditional support. When he gets inside, he simply waves a hand in the general direction of the freezer, hoping Tommy and Nancy get the message, and barrels upstairs, Carlos’s name bursting from his lips.

“Carlos, babe, you here?” It’s a stupid question; TK had seen the Camaro in the driveway and Carlos is far too ill to want to walk anywhere—or so TK hopes—so he has to be home. But the silence draws out, and TK’s heart is pounding a mile a minute by the time he reaches the door to their bedroom.

“Carlos?” He pushes open the door, sighing in relief when he sees his fiancé sprawled across the bed, dead to the world. It’s a little weird that he hasn’t woken up yet given how loud TK was shouting, but it’s probably just because his body needs the rest. TK would bet that the apocalypse could happen outside the window and Carlos wouldn’t so much as stir.

He tip-toes towards the bed, a soft smile spreading across his lips as anxiety gives way to fondness and love. It’s not until he’s within touching distance of Carlos that he registers just how still he is; just how silent the room is.

This morning, Carlos’s breathing was loud and harsh, punctuated with periodic sniffs and coughs.

Now, he’s not making a sound.

And, as TK drops to his knees and bends over his fiancé’s body, he realises that his chest isn’t moving.

Carlos isn’t breathing.

The panic is back in full force as TK frantically presses his fingers to Carlos’s pulse point, praying for something—a flutter, anything—to indicate that Carlos isn’t… That he’s not…

There’s nothing.

Instinct takes over, TK linking his hands on Carlos’s chest and starting compressions even as his vision blurs with tears and he chokes on the sobs building in his throat.

“Cap!” he yells, not taking his eyes off Carlos. “Cap, up here!”

A minute later, Tommy and Nancy burst into the room, both halting in shock for a moment before jumping into action. Nancy moves to the other side of the bed, already pulling out the ambu bag, while Tommy comes to stand by TK.

“What do we have?” she asks, professional as ever, though there’s a clear worried undertone to her voice.

“No pulse, no respiration,” he manages, voice thick. “Skin is warm to the touch. No clear cause, but patient was congested and moderately feverish during the past few days.”

Tommy nods and gently pushes at TK’s shoulder. “Alright, you did good, TK, but you should let us take over now,” she says gently. “Come on, Nancy and I can handle this.”

TK ignores her, continuing compressions with renewed force. “I have to help him, Cap. I have to.”

“And you have, but now—”

“No!” Later, TK will be ashamed of the way he lost control like that, and he’ll have to apologise to Tommy, but the only thing he can really, truly focus on now is Carlos. He keeps pushing, feeling Carlos’s ribs give under his hands, and forces himself to keep going even though his stomach turns at the idea of causing him any pain. “Come on, baby,” he mutters. “Come on, Carlos, please.”

Time is running out; TK can tell by the way the silence is starting to feel heavier and heavier, by the looks he knows Tommy and Nancy must be exchanging over his head. Carlos’s time is running out, and TK is staring down a future he doesn’t know he can survive, and—

“I have a pulse!” Nancy shouts, and the words don’t register in TK’s head until Tommy’s hands are forcibly pulling him back and Carlos’s chest is moving and his eyelids start to flutter.

Tommy slides into the space left by TK, practiced hands checking Carlos’s vitals. “Carlos, can you hear me?”

She gets no response save for a weak groan, then Carlos’s body goes slack again and his head lolls limply on the pillow. TK takes a panicked step forward, but he’s just as quickly pushed back as Tommy secures an oxygen mask over Carlos’s face.

“Nancy, get the backboard and the gurney ready. Heart rate is arrhythmic and respiration is laboured; radio Austin Memorial and get their cardiac unit on standby.”

Nancy dashes out of the bedroom, and Tommy grabs her own radio. “Dispatch, this is RA 126 responding to a cardiac event at 2204 Allred Drive. Patient is unconscious and breathing, however at the time of arrival, he was in cardiac arrest. Duration unknown.”

“Copy that, RA 126.”

Nancy arrives with the backboard, and TK feels like an invisible observer as he watches his two teammates work. He’s stuck, barely breathing, as he watches Carlos struggle and fight for his life; he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he dies, here and now.

TK moves as if in a nightmare as they get Carlos down the stairs and into the ambulance, eyes constantly locked on his fiancé. He thinks Tommy might say something to him, but he doesn’t hear it and he doesn’t bother to ask—terrible as it is to admit, he doesn’t care right now. He can’t care; there’s no more room inside him for anything else but Carlos.

He wraps a hand around Carlos’s wrist, two fingers resting on his pulse point, and prays that he’ll never have to feel that absence again.

*

Tommy sits beside him in the waiting room, a silent show of support while they wait for news on Carlos. Or until they catch another call; whichever comes first. Nancy is…somewhere. TK thinks she might have gone to grab some coffee or a snack, but he honestly has no idea. He’s kind of lost track of things, the hospital’s plain white walls turning time into water as they wait, and wait, and wait.

“I know how you feel, you know,” Tommy says, unprompted. “The night that Charles died, I… I spent so long blaming myself. I wasn’t there, you know? And I just kept thinking that if I had been there, if I hadn’t stayed out at Grace and Judd’s, then I might have been able to do something to save him.” She levels him with a firm, yet motherly look, and TK drops his gaze to the floor. “I know now that there was nothing. It kills me to admit it, but what happened would have happened either way, and it’s the same here. Carlos is young, healthy—there was no reason to suspect anything might happen. Certainly nothing like this. You did everything that you could, TK, and you have to hold onto that, no matter what the outcome.”

TK squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, giving up on keeping the tears at bay. Tommy reaches out to wrap one arm around him, but he jerks away, curling in on himself. “It’s not the same,” he whispers, voice thick. “It’s not— I knew, Cap. I knew he was ill and I still left him.”

“You said you guys thought it was just a bad cold.”

“No, I knew. I’m a paramedic, how could I have missed this?”

“These things happen, TK,” she says softly. “It’s cruel, and it’s senseless, and, more than anything, it’s unavoidable. We can go in circles blaming ourselves for it—and I know it’s worse for us; we think we should be able to see everything because it’s our job, right?

“The thing is, we’re the most blind when it comes to the people we love. We think we see everything and we always worry over them, but ultimately we just want to believe that everything’s going to be okay. That they’re going to be okay. It’s hard to accept when they’re not.”

“I should have done more.”

“You did all you cou—”

“No, I didn’t.” He lets out a sob, twisting away from Tommy’s touch once more when she tries to comfort him. “I should have insisted on staying home; I should have thought about going to check on him earlier. We have no idea how long he was lying there, dead—he was dead, Tommy—before we arrived, but if I had been there then I could have gotten him help.”

TK takes a shuddering breath and looks up at his captain, meeting her eyes for the first time since they were in the ambulance. “Tommy, if he dies, then I swear I’ll never forgive myself. Never.”

Tommy looks like she wants to say more, but just as she opens her mouth, her radio crackles to life. She sighs regretfully but stands, clasping TK’s shoulder gently.

“He’ll be okay, TK. Believe in that.”

*

Looking at Carlos, TK has never believed in anything less. He’s so still and pale on the bed and TK keeps having to check that his chest is still moving, despite the steady beep of the heart monitor and the constant thrum against his fingertips. He hasn’t let go of Carlos’s wrist since he was allowed into the room, and he doesn’t intend to let go until Carlos is back with him, awake and alive and okay.

He’s trying to believe in that outcome as a certainty, but he knows better than that. Carlos might be young and healthy, but the fact still remains that his heart stopped—coming back from that is far from guaranteed.

It’s been three days since the incident, and Carlos’s parents have been in and out, always bringing TK food and trying to engage him in conversation. He tries, for them, but it’s not easy and the attempts always fizzle out before long; TK just doesn’t have it in him anymore to talk and pretend to be positive. Any hope he ever had has abandoned him, the only thing keeping him afloat his grip around Carlos’s wrist.

A tupperware container drops into his lap, and TK looks up to see Andrea standing over him. She reaches across to caress Carlos’s cheek, then sinks into the chair beside TK, giving him a pointed look.

He sighs, attempting a weak smile for her. “I appreciate it, Andrea, but—”

“No,” she interrupts, shaking her head firmly. “No more buts; I won’t hear them. My son might not be able to make sure you take care of yourself, but I am more than capable of taking over for him. I am very strict about food, ask any of his sisters.” Her stern look softens and she pats his arm gently. “Venga, mijo. You’ll feel better for it.”

TK looks down at the dish in his lap, doing his best to keep a grimace off his face. It looks and smells delicious, like all of Andrea’s cooking, but the sight of it makes his stomach turn, his gag reflex activating at the very thought of putting any in his mouth.

“Andrea, I…” He shakes his head and picks the container up with his free hand, handing it back to her. “I can’t.”

And it’s not just that TK can’t handle any food at the moment, though that certainly plays into it.

But they’re tamales.

The Reyes family recipe tamales, passed down through generations, which Carlos has been slowly attempting to teach TK. Which Carlos always makes on special occasions, and sometimes just for the hell of it.

Which Carlos made the night he proposed.

Andrea looks set to argue, but TK forces an end to the conversation by making her take the container and turning back to Carlos.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, knowing he’s disappointed her. “It’s just hard.”

She sighs and rubs his back. “I know. Just don’t come to me when Carlos wakes up and realises you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

That almost gets a laugh out of him, and TK looks over to smile at Andrea. It’s a brittle thing, but it’s a smile all the same, which is more than he’s managed in three days. She smiles back at him, and it helps him feel not so alone in all this.

A weak groan is all the warning he gets before, “Are you turning down my mother’s cooking?” reaches his ears, and TK gasps, whipping around to stare at the bed.

Right into Carlos’s eyes.

“Oh my god,” he gasps, tears springing to his eyes. “Oh my god.”

“Hey, baby.” Carlos’s voice is rough and rasping, his eyes fluttering closed again a second later, though TK can tell that he’s still awake. He reaches to the table and pours a cup of water, encouraging Carlos to lift his head and drink through the straw.

“Slow sips, that’s it,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb gently along Carlos’s wrist, still holding on tightly.

Once Carlos has drunk his fill, he opens his eyes again and looks up at TK, gaze searching his face. “I love you,” he rasps, smiling gently, “but did you really just say no to my mom’s tamales?”

TK splutters, but he can’t keep the smile off his own face, shaking his head fondly at Carlos. “I love you too, idiot,” he says. “And tamales don’t taste the same without you there to eat them with me.”

“Good thing I’m here now, then.”

TK hums. “Guess it is.”

(Later, after the nurses and doctors have come and gone, TK will pick up the tub of tamales, left behind by Andrea when she went to tell everyone the good news.

He and Carlos will split one, pressed close together in the bed to avoid getting crumbs on the sheets. Carlos will be smiling at him the entire time, and TK will kiss him over and over, relishing the sensation of Carlos kissing him back.

And it’ll be the best damn tamale TK has ever eaten.)

[detectivecarlosreyes]

Your heart out on the asphalt 

Ao3 | 2.1k | Rated: Teen | Tarlos angst

Summary  A serial bomber who uses bomb vests as their calling card is on the loose and they are targeting spouses of members of the police department. Unfortunately for Carlos, TK becomes their next victim. 

For @silvarafael‘s prompt request: angst #36 - “Don’t tell me to calm down!”​ + tarlos

TK was missing.

Unable to be reached.

Nowhere to be found.

Missing.

It had been 24 hours since anyone had seen him last, when he had left the station after a shift, on his way to his dad's ahead of Captain Strand for their weekly dinner. He never made it.

24 hours wasn’t a long time, not even long enough for them to file a missing person’s report but the captain knew something was wrong. It wasn’t until they had tracked TK's phone to a back-alley dumpster that they could only assume the worst. He had been taken by the serial bomber, just like the other victims, it was the only assumption that Carlos could make, though he didn’t know why he was a target.

TK would be the fourth in a string of abductions, and as it turned out, became the missing link to all of the officers that were connected to the other victims, each being a spouse of an officer. He and TK had been dating for a little over year, which seemed to be enough for the serial bomber to consider him spousal material. The details didn’t matter to Carlos, all his thoughts were on TK and what his fate would be because of their relationship.

And that’s when he found him.

Carlos lost his breath all at once and for a moment all he could do was sit in shock as his car idled in the street. There TK was, with arms bound in front of him and his head bowed as he sat cross-legged on the dusty, worn asphalt lit by the Camaro’s headlights like spotlights in the late afternoon shadows.

And then TK lifted his head, even from this distance, Carlos could see his eyes shining with unshed tears as he took in the car before him. Carlos could see the bruising gash stretching across TK’s temple and the dry, crusted blood that had dripped down the side of his face. Carlos watched, unable to breathe when he saw the recognition blanket TK’s face and it was only then that the tears began to fall.

Carlos couldn’t recall when he got out of the car or when he called his Captain’s direct line, passing on the pertinent details as he was trained to do. All he knew was the smell of the tar that had been cooling from the then-gone afternoon sun. He wasn’t sure he’ll ever be able to forget the scent after that day. 

He remembered feeling the rough, loose grit that scraped his hands and knees through his pants as he skidded down to land himself in front of TK; The way the small fragments of gravel clung to his hands as they ghosted around TK’s body, too afraid to touch him in fear of setting off the crude vest attached to his chest, like what happened with the first person. 

“Carlos…” TK whispered as the tears ran steadily in tracks down his face. It was enough to break him out of whatever trance that he’d fallen into upon seeing his boyfriend in the street. 

“I’m here. Everything will be okay.” He said as he gently palmed TK’s cheek for a second in an attempt to reassure him despite the frantic tone of his voice.

“You shouldn’t be here,” murmured TK, “This is what he wanted.”

“What do you mean? Who did this?”

“I don’t know who he is, but he’s watching from the street cameras. Said he’d set it off if I moved…” The vest beeped once, the sound coming from behind a small panel on the front. Carlos gingerly peeled it back to reveal a countdown that was trending downwards, “…and said he’d start the timer as soon as he saw you.”

02:58

02:57

02:56

Carlos looked down at the phone that he had haphazardly dropped beside him when he reached TK’s side, remembering that he was still on the line with his Captain. He picked it up with a shaky hand and described the device strapped to TK. From here he learned that his Captain had also added to the call the leader of the bomb squad who was already on the move to their location.

They weren’t going to make it in time to diffuse.

The bomber had made sure of that.

02:44

He had left them just enough time to say their goodbyes, but Carlos was not ready for that just yet. Staring hard at the device, an idea began to form, and he spoke hurriedly to the bomb squad leader, asking if she’d be able to possibly guide him in diffusing it himself if he showed her the vest through video call.

She had quickly agreed understanding there to be no other option, and listed what he would need, which he thankfully had in his Camero should he ever need to do any simple repairs. Carlos hurried to retrieve them before returning, glancing briefly at the countdown as he felt his whole body break out in nervous sweating over what he was about to do.

02:11

02:10

02:09

TK mirrored him and looked down at the countdown and also saw how little time Carlos had causing him to look back up sharply, “Carlos, you don’t have the time for all this! Just GO! Save yourself, please!” he pleaded in a rush, voice panicked as he tried to push at Carlos’s shoulder awkwardly with his bound hands in an attempt to get him to leave.

02:01

It doesn’t take much for him to catch TK’s hands and hold them in place against his struggling, “TK I need you to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” TK exclaimed mostly out of fear than anger, “I have a bomb strapped to my chest, and I don’t want you to die with me if it goes off!”

Carlos changed tact and released TK’s hands in favour of grasping the back of his neck, forcing his boyfriend to look at him, “Look at me TK. I can do this. Trust me.”

01:54

TK let out a shaky breath and almost inaudibly whispered, “I trust you, of course, I trust you.” as he settled under Carlos’s steady gaze before he released his neck and studied the wires that he could see

Carlos set the phone down and listened to the instructions given to him and exposed the wire port to the device. He picked it up again showing her what he could now see. It was a chaotic bundle of multiple coloured wires complicating the system, but the chief was pretty confident in what she saw and what wire he needed to cut in order to diffuse it safely.

00:32

TK caught his wrist, stopping him as he steadied himself to make the cut, “TK we don’t have time for this.” He uttered tersely, heart racing at the thought that this could be their last moment if the chief was wrong.

00:24

“Just let me do this part Carlos and you can go; you still have time to get far enough away to be safe,” implored TK.

00:16

Carlos shook his head again, not even considering leaving him as an option, not when his heart had already decided that TK was it for him. He didn’t think his heart would be able to survive it if he left him here, “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it together.”

00:11

He bit his bottom lip and slot the scissors over the yellow wire, making eye contact with TK as he does so before TK pre-emptively squeezes his eyes shut.

“I love you TK.”

He cuts the wire.  

-

-

-

-

-

-

00:08

00:08

00:08

The timer continued to flash the same number. 8 seconds. 8 seconds between life and death.

Tears of relief sprung to Carlos’s eyes, and he let out an audible gasp, realising he’d been holding his breath for some time. TK opened his eyes at the sound, glanced down, and shut them again as a sob bubbled out of his chest and he pitched forward, sagging in relief against Carlo’s chest with his forehead on his shoulder.

Carlos caught him, wrapping his arms around him gently, being mindful of the vest as they both panted heavily from the adrenaline of the drawn-out moment. Eventually, TK pulled back, eyes red and puffy from the tears that were now soaked into Carlos’s shoulder.

“Why would you risk yourself like that?” He asked, voice shaky with emotion, “You could have blown up with me instead of being safe.”

Carlos cupped TK’s cheek, gently brushing a thumb along the ridge of his cheekbone, wiping at the residual rivulets of tears, “Because there wasn’t a chance in hell that I would give you up so easily, even if it meant us blowing up together.”

It’s then that they’re interrupted by the sound of arriving emergency vehicles, and most importantly the bomb squad. Carlos sat back on his haunches glancing down at TK’s hands. He picked up the scissors that he’d dropped in surprise when TK fell into him and started working on the duct tape binding on TK’s wrist.

By the time he was done, the bomb technicians were at their side with a lead-lined box held between them. He watched warily as they carefully took the vest off TK, placing it resolutely into the box for safe detonation, and took it back to their armored truck.

Carlos took in their still seated position and moved to stand up, offering his hand to TK as he did so. TK slotted his hand in his with a smile and Carlos pulled him up where their eyes met again and this time they crashed into each other once again, tightly wrapping their arms around each other and finding themselves breathing in the soothing scent of the other.

As they slowly began to disentangle, Carlos felt TK’s body waver and he saw TK’s eyebrows knit together as he brought a hand up to his injured temple as he took a faltering half-step backwards. He nearly collapsed if Carlos didn’t still have his arms around him and supported his weight as the paramedics picked up their speed with the gurney that they had on standby and brought it to them, helping Carlos to guide TK to lie on the bed.

He doesn’t move from the gurney’s side as they wheeled it back to the ambulance, stopping for a moment when TK reached out to him, dragging him close enough that he could get his hand on Carlos’s cheek and pulled his face close enough the Carlos could feel his breath on his lips.

“I love you too. Thank you for staying.” TK whispered and guided Carlos down until their lips met for a quick and gentle kiss. They parted after a beat as the paramedics returned to take him to the hospital.

He watched as the ambulance drove away, wanting more than anything to be in the back of it with TK, but he still had a duty to debrief with his Captain who had surprisingly joined them out in the field. It was there in the debrief that he fould out they had figured out why the specific officers spouses had been targeted.  it was a revenge story. Some twisted sense of justice from a time when he was still a rookie, the first trial he had to testify at. The bomber had been targeting anyone involved from the department. And they were already on the move to find the man responsible. 

By the time that he'd finished debriefing and made his way to the hospital, he found TK already set up in his own room, hooked up to an I.V. for dehydration and butterfly strips over the gash on his temple.

“Hey.” TK said softly from the bed when he noticed him in the doorway.

“Hey. How’s the head?”

“Throbbing, about as bad as my last abduction.”

Carlos sighed and sat down in the chair next to him, picking up his hand, “The fact that you have something like that to compare it to is a worry. Actually, the fact that you’ve already been in the hospital multiple times since I’ve known you is a worry.”

TK shrugged his shoulders with a smirk, “Unfortunately for you, this is what you’ve signed up for. I’ve already made my peace with it.”

Carlos rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Well I guess I’ll have to make my peace with it too.”

He just adds this moment to the now slowly growing list of the most terrifying moments of his life, the other being their home burning to the ground. He was grateful that overall both incidences had resulted in their relative safety. All he could do was hope against all hope that there won't be any more in their immediate future. 

[beeexx]

A little Tarlos moment fron 2x09

Read on ao3

TK’s headache has moved further down from his forehead, to settle like a blanket of pain wrapped over his eyes instead. It makes sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair all the more worse, the bright light doing nothing other than adding to his growing discomfort and slight nausea. He is tapping his leg, the sound bouncing off the quiet sleepy room, and he thinks that the only reason Marjan hasn’t whacked him to make it stop is because she’s still pitying him over his brief spell in a room similar to the one Judd is in for a concussion that still hasn’t completely gone away. He moves his head between his legs, closes his eyes to try and drown out some of the blinding lights and breathes through his nose. 

He keeps bouncing his leg though.

TK hates hospitals. He has many reasons for disliking them but he’s never had to spend a night on the edge of his seat, worried sick for people he cares about before, not in this capacity at least and it’s making him feel sick.

The worst thoughts rush through to the surface unbidden. What if he never gets to see either one of them again, hear them laugh, joke around with Judd, dinner at their place every other Sunday. What if Judd doesn’t make it? What if Grace dies? What if -

“Hi, you okay?” It’s Carlos of course, back from his coffee run, who gently places a hand on his shoulder. TK tenses for a moment, caught off guard and suddenly ready to bolt right out of his seat. He can’t fully tamper down his reaction and Carlos notices of course. TK thinks he’s probably frowning and it doesn’t take long for Carlos to start to shuffle around until he’s sitting on the ground in front of TK, coffee cup left forgotten on the chair. TK opens his mouth-

“Don’t tell me you’re fine, it’s very obvious that you aren’t.” Carlos chastises making TK look up from the ground he’s been staring holes at. His lip twitches though and he nods.

“Yeah, I won’t.” He promises and it makes Carlos’ worry lines less prominent for a moment. His hair is still a little sleep tussled, a few strands of curls at the back Carlos spends ages on each morning to lie flat are now loose and he looks tired, he is probably as tired as TK feels. 

It’s been just a few days since the kidnapping and TK’s gotten used to having a particularly sort of nasty headache as his daily companion since then, ruining both his days and nights with spells of pain that won’t go away. Well, it’s probably ruined Carlos’ nights too, judging by the growing circles underneath his eyes, and TK’s constant tossing and turning every time they’re in bed. It’s been a few days of bad sleep and lounging around the house with Carlos worrying. It makes TK feel really bad, he hates it when Carlos worries about him. 

Both he and Carlos had however gotten their best night’s sleep in days when the call came through, waking them both and sending TK into a near panic attack when he heard what had happened. He’s strung so ridiculously tight he’s scared he’s going to snap in half and he goes back to bouncing his leg, trying to distract from his discomfort, averting his eyes.

“Hey, no shutting me out.” Carlos gently cups his chin and forces him to meet his eyes, thumb stroking up and down in comforting motions, eyes kind and understanding. TK sighs but he nods.

“Sorry.” His voice cracks and he clears his throat, trying to get the lingering thickness away. He looks away for a moment, sees Mateo is asleep with his head resting on Paul’s shoulder while Paul is reading, frowning slightly as his eyes move across the text, flipping pages now and then. Marjan left with Tommy a while back to go do something TK isn’t sure of exactly and he hasn’t seen his dad for a while either. They are all somewhere near of course, lurking, in case something changes.

“I’m scared.” TK keeps his voice down though, just in case. Carlos nods and moves his hands to cover TK’s thighs, pressing gently down on his right leg to stop the movement. It’s an involuntary reaction on TK’s end that he stops, the effect of Carlos’ touch on him, anchoring, calming him down almost immediately. Carlos gently squeezes his knee.

“I know baby, I am too. But the doctors are optimistic and we have to believe them.”

“They are cautiously optimistic and I don’t know what that means in doctor lingo but cautiously sounds like it’s not something to celebrate yet.” He mutters. 

“Maybe not, but it’s not cause for sitting here looking close to fainting either. I don’t think Judd would like it if you ended up in a hospital bed yet again after getting out of one so soon.”

“I would do it if it would make him wake up and bust my balls.” 

Carlos' mouth twitches.

“He’s going to wake up.” Carlos says with such conviction TK believes him.

“But what about Grace?” He whispers, dread filling his stomach. Grace with her kind eyes, easy smiles, never ending patience and generous support TK’s not realised he’s cherished this much until she’s suddenly been hurt, with the outlook not seeming good. He is scared, terrified even that she might not make it. He doesn’t know what it would do to Judd if that was to happen. Carlos grows serious and his eyes travel to the room she is in, sadness passing over his features. With Michelle gone a lot Carlos and Grace had formed an easy friendship to fill up that empty space, and so it wasn’t totally unusual that when TK came home after shifts to find Grace and Carlos out on the patio together, drinking lemonade and chatting away, smiles wide and whatever task they had said they would do, long forgotten. It’s not just TK it pains to see Judd and Grace hurt, it pains Carlos just as much and TK immediately reaches forward, cupping Carlos’ cheek and leaning his forehead on his, offering his comfort up like it’s second nature. They both exhale, breathing through it together. 

“It’s going to be okay, it has to.” Carlos says quietly and gives himself over to the worry for a moment before he pulls himself together, pushing the worry down. TK knows compartmentalising like Carlos can do is something that isn’t always the healtihest of coping mechanisms. Right now though, TK isn’t going to say anything, god knows he has a terrible track record of bad ways to deal with things, and he wishes at this moment that he could do it too, push it down and focus on something else. 

“The doctors say Judd is going to wake up but it will be a few hours until then, so we’re going to have to believe that everything is going to be okay. In the meantime why don’t we go home and shower and change clothes.” He suggests.

“Not to sleep?”

“I’m not aiming that high today, I don’t think either of us will be able to do that. But you don’t look too good right now and it’s worrying me a little, so instead of checking you into this hospital myself I suggest we go back to mine and recharge for a moment and come back with food for everyone. I’m sure they’ll all need it.”

It’s a distraction, probably as much for Carlos as it is for TK, but it’s a distraction born out of kindness and a big heart, the need to do something other than sit here and worry sick. Carlos, TK has learnt during this year, is the kind of person that needs to do something, he’ll feel absolutely useless sitting still. His brain works best when he’s doing things while TK tends to be the other way around, shutting down, unable to do anything other than freezing, standing still in his growing anxiety, until everything boils over and the urge to either get high or do something almost as equally stupid gets too much and he can’t stop it, sending him down bad paths. 

So he takes the opportunity and nods. Carlos gets to his feet and holds his hand out for him. TK takes it and gently and carefully Carlos pulls him to his feet and wraps an arm around him immediately. For a moment TK snuggles close, nosing at Carlos’ neck before he moves his head away, focusing on walking instead.

“How’s your head?”

“Sore.” He admits out loud and Carlos frowns. “It’s feeling more like a migrain though so maybe it’s just stress?”

“Maybe, do you want an ice pack?” TK thinks of saying no but he isn’t looking forward to getting into the car with the raging monster banging against his eyelids so he nods. Carlos gently kisses his forehead, squeezes his hand before he walks away, leaving TK alone in the mostly deserted hallway, with his thoughts again. 

Being a firefighter has made TK somewhat immune to certain high risk situations, gruesome injuries, fright so visceral people become unpredictable, or shock so silent it feels it lasts for days unable to break free of, and death too, to some extent at least. His dad’s cancer, which had been a suffocating presence, expanding each day inside of TK’s ribcage, making it impossible to focus on anything other than it, giving him little room to exist outside of the anxiety and constant worry. Tim more recently, which had been quick and taking the breath out of him, slamming straight into TK like a block of concrete, catching him unaware. 

His own overdose is a reminder that it takes different shapes.

And then this. Relentless, big, sudden. Impossible to escape. Scary.

They all wear their worry on their faces and clinging desperately to hope that feels like it’s dimming with each moment he stands here. 

He twists the string of Carlos’ APD hoodie, the first thing he had gotten his hands on when they were rushing to get here in the middle of the night. It was a few hours ago now and there hasn’t been an update for a while now, other than that they can only wait which anyone knowing him should be aware he’s terrible at. 

Carlos comes back shortly after, holding the promised ice pack, TK looks behind him at a nurse with red cheeks and a bright smile as she watches them. 

“Carlos Reyes did you flirt with a nurse to get me this?” But he accepts it gratefully and presses it to his face, exhaling in relief at the cold seeping onto his clammy skin. 

“I charmed her more likely, by talking about my very cute but bratty boyfriend.”

“Yeah I’ve changed my mind, I don’t care how you got it, I’m just happy that you did.” Carlos snorts and ruffles his hair. 

They drive back and Carlos helps TK up the stairs before he disposes of him gently onto the bed. When he goes to leave, TK tugs him back, holding tightly onto his hand.

“Where are you going?” He sounds small, he feels small right now.

“Just to get some water, I’ll be right back -” But TK shakes his head, moves the pack of ice away and pulls harder on Carlos’ hand until he gets the hint and climbs into the bed. TK pulls him close, arms wounding around his neck and tucks his face into Carlos’ neck. Carlos' hands come to rest on his waist, big and strong, secure around TK. He feels the heath of them through the shirt he is wearing. He can feel Carlos’ heartbeat against his ribcage too, riverbating through him.

Still here. Still alive. 

TK is used to danger. 

But he isn’t used to this kind of danger, when it feels deeply personal, like an attack. 

And it’s all so sudden, after Carlos’s suspension that has luckily been lifted but had given him enough stress and worry making TK wish he could march into Carlos’ precinct and yell at his boss that one of their best officers deserved better. It comes too soon after he was taken hostage and hurt, the wound hasn’t even begun to heal and it’s been roughly torn open again making TK feel so goddamn unsteady, the fear he’s suddenly been slammed with so tangible as it presses down on him from all sides. He feels he’s been edging closer and closer to a panic attack all night and the only thing that hasn’t sent him completely over the edge is having Carlos near. 

But he’s also so goddamn scared suddenly. He’s suddenly terrified of losing Carlos. A car accident, those happen so often and maybe TK’s been naive but this has never felt like such a palpable threat to him before, until now. Until Judd and until Grace. 

“Talk to me?” Carlos whispers, forcing TK out of his thoughts for a moment and TK hugs him closer, biting down the tears that have come unwillingly. 

“You can never leave me.” The words come pouring out of him and his voice breaks, unable to be kept steady. He bites down hard on his lip but an audibly sniff escapes and when Carlos tries to move his head away TK hugs him tighter, not wanting any space left between them.

Carlos is quiet for a moment, but no longer than that. He takes his hands away from TK’s waist and wraps them gently around TK’s wrists to gently tug them away from his neck so he can look at him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks and takes TK’s hands in his, holding them delicately, stroking his thumbs soothingly across TK’s skin. TK angles them slightly against Carlos’ chest, closer to his ribcage, where he can feel the thumping of Carlos’ heart underneath his shirt. It comforts him, the only steady rhythm to latch onto at the moment, to try and steady his own breathing, copying the unwavering rise and fall of Carlos’ chest. 

“I don’t know…” TK whispers, unable to meet Carlos’ eyes. He focuses on his and Carlos’ tangled hands, trails the blue veins with his eyes, Carlos’ slender and long fingers, trying to find the right words, while also buying some time. 

“No?” Carlos gently pushes and TK shakes his head. “TK.” Carlos sighs before he cups TK’s cheek and angles it up so he can meet his eyes. TK blinks a few times to clear his watery eyes and Carlos wipes a stray tear away with his thumb, expression stricken, like it gets when he wants so badly to help but doesn’t know what to do. 

“When I was taken hostage…” He begins, clears his throat a few times, can’t bear watching Carlos upset. “I didn’t really stop to consider how awful it was for you during those hours, and I haven’t been able to grasp the intent completely behind your worrying these few days and now it makes me feel like such an ass. But I understand it now too, what happened to Judd and Grace, it could happen to us too and it’s so scary, so scary Carlos, what if -” He stops, gulps down more tears and bites his wobbling lip hard. 

“Hey, hey.” Carlos says gently and TK’s eyes snap to him. They are sad, but determined too. “It could, but even so I will always promise to fight to get back to you.”

“I wish you could promise me you won’t leave me or that I could promise that nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“Well knowing you, letting you out of my sight has proven to be a massive mistake, I swear you’re the most accident prone person I know.” TK wetly chuckles and Carlos’ mouth twitches, the joke easing the tension between them.

“I get scared too, all the time…” Carlos confesses and TK searches his face, reaches out automatically to smooth over the worryline on his forehead, itching to kiss it away.

“Yeah?” TK asks. Carlos nods.

“Yeah, all the time. Especially where you are concerned. But I do think it’s only normal with our jobs and so on. Just… I don’t know, try and be more careful?” The frown grows into a wry little smile and maybe if TK wasn’t so shook from earlier he would have joked it away, but he nods seriously instead.

“I promise. I will always come back, always. Even if I leave.” It’s a painful reminder of TK walking out on Carlos a few months back, still making TK feel ashamed of how he acted. But things are different between them now and walking away from Carlos and from everything they have built together and are going to continue building, that is not an option anymore. “Good.” Carlos whispers and kisses his nose making TK smile. “I will always come back too. Always. I will fight every day to make that promise true.”

“Me too.” TK promises, takes their intertwined hands and kisses the promise into their hands, hoping that the day will never come where he doubts it, doubts them and their future. 

“We’re going to be okay.” Carlos promises and TK closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Carlos’, slowly starting to accept it. 

“Yeah.” TK whispers. 

“And so is Judd and Grace.” 

TK isn’t fully there yet where he dares believe it to be true, but he isn’t giving up hope that it’s all lost either. 

“So, how about a shower?” 

TK opens his eyes, yawns before he stretches, pops his back and nods.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Carlos helps him to his feet and in the bathroom they undress each other before they get in together. TK hums in content as the hot water washes over him and with it the last doubts he has about the future, down the drain where it belongs. As soon as Carlos joins him inside TK walks close, presses his body to Carlos’. It’s not sexual, but it’s a need, to have him near, to let the calmness of Carlos’ wash over him and bring with it a comfort only Carlos can bring out in him and judging by the harsh breath escaping Carlos’ he craves the contact almost as much as TK does. TK presses a soft kiss to Carlos’ heart and it grows comfortable between them. That’s until Carlos decides to squirt shampoo loudly on top of TK’s head, breaking them out of the moment. TK’s glare turns into a laugh and Carlos’s eyes sparkle, so very much alive and TK’s insides flutter.

They shower for longer than what they had planned and when they do make it back to the hospital, carrying food from a place Carlos knows to be one of Grace’s favourite takeaways he feels better, more hopeful and willing to believe that things will work out. Carlos’ hair is messy from TK running his fingers through it, but his arm is secure around TK’s waist and TK’s leaning on his shoulder, watching their family help unpack the bags.

And then Judd wakes up.

[kiras-sunshine]

My each and every word

Carlos Reyes Week 2021

Day 1: “I love you but stop talking + fluff”

Summary: “I love you, but stop talking,” he mutters, his eyes still closed.

It slips out of his tongue. The words are out of his mouth before he can really think about them, but TK falls silent next to him immediately. The room is quiet, and while the silence is not uncomfortable, he faintly feels like there is something wrong with what he just said. 

On ao3

or

”Squeeze my hands,” TK says, as he holds both of his hands in his own. His expression looks so focused as he looks down to their joined hands it almost makes Carlos want to laugh.

He does as he asks, even though he faintly thinks that all of this feels a little pointless. He feels absolutely fine, but TK has still woken him up already five times during the night to check if he has a concussion.

He sits on his side of the bed cross-legged, his hair is a mess, and he has dark circles under his eyes, but his eyes are full of softness.

“Okay, good,” he breathes out and lets his hands slip away from his. He holds up his index finger. “Follow my finger.”

Carlos sighs softly. “Ty, I appreciate this,” he says as he follows his slowly moving finger with his gaze, “but I’m fine.”

He glares at him. “You were in a car crash,” he points out, “you hit your head twice.”

In his opinion, car crash feels like an exaggeration. It makes it seem more dramatic than it was. His partner had been driving the car and another car had run a red light and crashed straight into their side in the middle of the intersection.

It hadn’t been a massive collision, but he still managed to hit his head against the window and the car seat. Or at least that is what he thinks happened. The details are a little fuzzy, because it had all happened so fast and he cannot recall where he exactly dumped his head.

“Yeah, but I feel fine,” he insists.

His head is still throbbing with dull pain and his shoulders are stiff, but it is nothing he couldn’t live with. He didn’t even get a scratch from the crash and he could walk out of the car by himself. He had been checked in the ER and the doctor had given him painkillers and ordered him to rest for a day or two.

She had been concerned that he might have a mild concussion and that he should keep an eye on the possible symptoms and TK had taken that advice to the heart when Carlos had mentioned about it, offhandedly, when he came over to his place after the shift.

“Do you feel nauseated?” He asks, continuing on to next part of his question pattern.

“No,” he says, as he lies down in the bed. The ache in his shoulders eases as he breathes in deeply.

The bed feels softer than usually and the bundled duvet is warm against his legs and all he wants to do is to fall asleep again and possibly sleep longer than an hour.

TK gently strokes his cheek with one finger. “What day is it?”

“Monday.”

“Be more specific.”

“25th,” he replies without missing a beat. He looks up to him and finds him smiling at him, softly.

They have no lights on because bright lights make his headache worse, so the bedroom is dim, but he can still make out his face and see that his eyes are glistering. TK rubs his own cheek and jaw little helplessly.

“Okay, maybe you don’t have a concussion,” he says, admitting his defeat and lying down next to him. He settles the pillow under his head and just looks at him. There is so much affection and love in his eyes, it is almost impossible for his sleep deprived brain to comprehend.

“I’m glad we are on the same page,” he says, as he supresses a yawn.

“Tired?” He half-mutters against the pillow.

“Yeah,” he admits, “like I’ve been woken up five times during the last five hours,” he adds, with a lopsided smile.

“Sorry,” he says, in a soft tone, but he doesn’t sound particularly apologetic.

“It’s fine.” He lazily cups his face with one hand and presses a kiss against his forehead, even though moving causes a sharp pain to flash through his neck. “I’m glad you’re here, but you can stop worrying about me.”

The painkillers are definitely making him sleepy and his mind just a bit fuzzier than normally. The exhaustion is hanging deeply on his limbs and he feels like his thoughts are a bit jumbled, but he guesses it is due to the lack of sleep and pulling a twelve-hour shift before the crash.

TK closes his eyes and opens them slowly again. “I just want you to be okay,” he says in a small voice.

“And I am,” he reassures. He still hasn’t moved his hand away from his cheek and TK turns his head slightly to kiss his palm.

“Okay.”

He smiles at him and closes his eyes. He means to close them only temporarily because TK is still talking, but his eyelids feel heavy and he can feel himself slowly slipping asleep despite the headache in the base of his skull. He cannot really focus on his words, even though he tries his best to listen to him.

He likes TK’s voice. It’s deep, calming and just slightly hoarse. His tone is soft, and he is faintly sure that whatever he is saying to him is worth of listening to, and usually he could listen to him for hours on end, just describing his day or telling something that happened on work, but right now, all he wants to do is sleep and he cannot think about anything else.

His voice is barely above a whisper, but he feels like his headache might be getting worse at any sound he hears.

“I love you, but stop talking,” he mutters, his eyes still closed.

It slips out of his tongue. The words are out of his mouth before he can really think about them, but TK falls silent next to him immediately. The room is quiet, and while the silence is not uncomfortable, he faintly feels like there is something wrong with what he just said.

There is something bothering him about it, nagging at the corner of his mind, but he cannot clasp the thought before it slips away again. His mind is too tired, and his thoughts feel as if they were thickening and he cannot think straight.

He suddenly feels that maybe he came across a little ungrateful. He has insisted every time he has woken him up that it has been unnecessary and, generally, telling people to shut up feels impolite. He cannot recall the exact words he used just moments before and he still cannot put his finger on what is making him uneasy about it, but he has the faintest idea that he should apologize.

It means the world to him that TK is there with him and willing to look after him, and he knows he deserves better than him telling him to shut up. He has no real energy to attempt to open his eyes, but he fumbles with his hand and he finds his fingers and curls his own around them. He brings it up and softly kisses his knuckles.

“Ty, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean like that,” he whispers, mostly against his hand.

“It’s fine,” he says, with a soft sigh. “You should sleep.”

He distantly thinks that he doesn’t sound annoyed with him and he considers it a win, and he thinks he should say something more, but he falls asleep before he can wallow in that thought any longer.

*****

He wakes up with a jolting pain in his shoulder and his mouth is dry like a sandpaper. It takes a moment before the memories of the accident and the following evening flood into his mind and he is slightly disappointed to realise that he is alone in the bed. He fumbles TK’s side of the bed and it feels cold, he probably has gotten up hours ago.

He sighs as he gets up. He feels better than before, he mind feels clearer and the headache has faded almost to nothing. He half-expects to feel nauseated when he stands up, but nothing happens.

It doesn’t take him long to find TK curled up in the corner of the couch in the living room. He has a blanket thrown over his legs and his face is lit up by his phone screen, but he puts it down as soon as he notices him.

“You okay?”

His eyebrows are furrowed, and he sounds concerned.

“Yeah, just thirsty,” he replies as he takes a glass out of the cupboards and pours water into it. He takes a big gulp as he walks to the couch next to him. “Why are you up?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he replies with a thin and sombre smile.

He knows falling asleep doesn’t always come easy to him and he has hard time making his brain slow down. He likes to get up and distract himself instead of merely tossing and turning in the bed.

They have been officially together closer to three months, and while Carlos cannot claim he could read him like an open book, he feels like has gotten considerably better at reading him.

Picking up and understanding small cues, from the way he smiles to way he breaths and movement of his hands, has been a slow process, but he likes to think he knows him somewhat well, and he has a hunch that this might be about something else than just inability to fall asleep.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replies almost immediately and sucks in his breath.

He keeps studying him with his gaze. He seems fine, but there is almost certain sadness humming underneath his smile.

“I’m sorry about the earlier,” he says, as he takes another gulp of water. He doesn’t truly believe that it would be what is bothering him. He had complained about the constant waking up only to reassure him that he was not in the imminent threat of developing a brain damage, but he still feels the need to apologize.

It’s a bit of a shot in the dark, but TK’s expression changes. He bites his lower lip before he flashes him sudden smile. “It’s okay. You were tired and possibly concussed, all sort of things can slip,” he says with a vague wave of hand.

“I don’t have a concussion,” he argues, drinking the remaining of his water and placing the glass next to the couch on the floor. He shifts his focus back to him.

“Sure, you don’t,” he says, easily, but he pinches a part of the blanket in between his fingers and fidgets with the fabric of it. “Do you remember what you said?”

There is almost uncertainness and wistfulness in his voice that catches him by surprise.

“I told you to shut up,” he says softly, “which seems a bit harsh.” He places his hand over the one that keeps fidgeting with the blanket. He stops the movement of his fingers. He glances up from their hands up to his face.

“Do you remember anything else?”

He stares at him, blinking and feeling slightly perplexed. He knows he was tired, and he still is, but he cannot remember saying anything else except asking him to stop talking. A small knot of dread forms in his stomach, he doesn’t like being unsure of his own actions or words.

“No.”

“Huh,” he breathes out. He straightens up on the couch and he opens his mouth but closes it abruptly. “Maybe we should do the tests again.”

He rolls his eyes, fondly. “Ty, I’m alright.”

He just grins at him. “You have a tiniest memory lapse there, babe,” he declares, holding his thumb and index finger really close together.

He asks him the questions, make him squeeze his hands and follow his finger, and Carlos does all of that, mostly just to humour him but also because it is starting to nag his mind a little that he has said something that he cannot no longer recall.

“You don’t seem concussed,” he concludes, but his eyes are still darting between his face and hands, as if trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces.

“I told you,” he breathes out with a slight twitch of the corner of his mouth.

He likes to think he would know if he had a concussion.

“You sure you are feeling okay?” He asks, again, but this time he tentatively touches his jawline with his fingers.

“Yeah. What did I say? Something mortifying?” He jokes with a chuckle that sounds a bit nervous to his own ears, too.

He knows whatever he said half-asleep must hold some significance because otherwise TK wouldn’t be hanging on the fact that he has forgotten his own words. Half of their conversations are had in half-asleep state after their shifts, and afterwards he cannot recall every detail. So, the fact that he has slipped something he cannot remember shouldn’t be unusual.

“You told me you loved me,” he says, holding his gaze. He shrugs and waves his hand. “Well, your exact words were I love you but stop talking.”

“Oh,” he says, half-involuntarily.

It is the first time he has told him it. Aloud anyway. The thought of it has been ringing in his head with clarity for weeks now, and the words have been on the tip of his tongue so many times, but he hasn’t said them.

He is not completely sure why he has held back those three little words. He guesses it might be because he fears scaring him off or trailing their relationship into territory, he is not ready for. He guesses it is a bit ridiculous because after the beginning’s back-and-forth he has never made him feel that he would want nothing else or less than him and their relationship.

Still, the first verbal love confession feels like a milestone. Although, he feels like both of their actions have been screaming small I loves yous for a while now.

His train of thought is disrupted when TK continues talking. “Which was followed by I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Carlos cannot help but grimace. It sounds terrible to his own ears, now, too, and while there is no traces of hurt in TK’s voice, it still sounds slightly strained, and he thinks he might have figured out why he was unable to fall asleep immediately.

He has no recollection of saying those words, but they must have come so effortlessly and naturally to him in his mind, that he didn’t even register that there was anything odd about saying them, or that maybe he should have put more thought and effort into them.

“I wasn’t sure to which one you referred to,” he continues with a light but joyless laugh, but he intertwines their fingers and holds his hand in his gently.

“Obviously to the talking part,” he replies, immediately and squeezes his hand.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out. Half-assed slip during the middle of the night definitely was not the way he hoped to tell him it, but he is a little relieved that he has managed to tell him it, at least once.

“You don’t have to--,” he starts, because he doesn’t want him to feel pressured, but he is stopped when TK places his index finger against his lips.

“I love you, too,” he whispers with an enamoured grin.

He is convinced that his heart skips a beat at hearing his words. It fills his heart with such pure and raw happiness he is afraid that his heart might burst at any given moment, but it also brings him different kind of sureness to hear him say he loves him. As if all the pieces of the universe have suddenly shifted into their rightful places.

He cannot help but smile, beatifically, but he still squeezes his hand a little tighter and rubs the back of his hand with his thumb. “I’m sorry you thought I were taking it back.”

He lets out a breathless laugh. “I’m not sure what I thought,” he tells him slowly, “uh, I know I’m not the easiest person to love so--,” he continues, but he lets his voice trail off.

“Absolutely not true,” he argues, immediately, and cups his face with his free hand.

“That’s sweet,” he replies, leaning into his touch.

“It’s the truth. There is nothing unlovable about you.”

He stays quiet at that, but the way he looks at him is enough for him. It’s intense, warm and disarming and he almost feels like he could see straight into his soul and essence of him.

He reaches to kiss him. His lips are soft against his own and the one kiss blends into a series of slow kisses and he pushes him gently against the couch. TK laughs into the kisses and they are both smiling so wide that the kissing is becoming challenging.

“Can I say it again?” He asks, as he rests his forehead against his and they are both trying to catch their breath, “now that I’m awake enough to remember saying it?”

“You can say it as often as you like,” he whispers, and he can feel his breath against his face and neck.

“You will get tired of hearing it,” he deadpans but he cannot bite down his grin.

“I don’t think that’s possible. Just like I won’t get tired of saying it, like ever.”

“Good,” he says, feeling almost giddy with happiness, “because I love you, a lot.”

TK chuckles, but he sounds genuinely happy and carefree and it makes his stomach twist in a best way possible. He closes the small distance between their lips and this time the kiss is still full of adoration and affection, but it is still more eager. His hand finds the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up slightly and TK’s hand is in the base of his skull, tracing a small circle against his scalp.

Carlos kisses the corner of his mouth before he stars to press soft and small kisses along his jawline and trailing into a particular soft spot just above his collarbone that he knows that drives him crazy when he kisses it.

“I’m not complaining,” TK says, sounding a little out of breath, “but I think the doctor’s orders included rest and that is not where this is heading if you keep that up.”

He laughs against his neck, but he still raises his head. He flashes a beaming grin at him. “I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t have a concussion then,” he says, smugly.

He hums but he wraps his arms around him. “Maybe so,” he says, but he flips them around gently but swiftly, and he ends up laying against the couch, TK astride on top of him. He sits there, looking around him, and he already misses the warmth and feeling of his body against him.

TK seems to spot what he was looking with his gaze and slightly reaches to pick up something from the floor. It’s one of the couch pillows and he motions him to raise his head. He does so and he places the pillow under his head.

He represses the urge to roll his eyes fondly, but he still gives him a look.

“What?” He says, laughing as he pulls his shirt off, “I don’t want you to get any more hurt.”

“You’re unbelievable,” he mutters, but a wave of warmth spreads in his chest. Besides, his neck feels instantly better resting against the flat pillow.

“I know,” he replies, easily, before he kisses him again. “Also, please stop talking,” he says with a genuine laughter against his lips.

“Make me.”

“Gladly.”

[myemergence]

I Know You Can't See It

Pairing: Mateo Chavez & Marjan Marwani

Series: 911 First Kiss Week @911firstkissweek

Rating: Teen

Summary: After a win at her roller derby match, Marjan is excited to see her friends were able to make it, but immediately notices Mateo’s absence. It turns out his date didn’t go well and he’s heartbroken. Marjan knows she can’t fix it, especially not in one night, but she can remind him that he’s enough.

Read it on AO3

thanks for the beta, love! @nurse-buckley

*

“Hey guys,” Marjan called with a smile, adjusting the bag on her shoulder, having just assisted the Annihilators in defeating the opposing team for the third time. They were on a roll, and while Marjan knew they weren’t actually unstoppable, it sure felt like it tonight.

She spotted Paul with TK, but her smile slipped when she didn’t see Mateo.

“You really kicked some ass out there tonight, Marj.” Paul grinned, taking a sip of his beer. Marjan thanked him, glad that they were able to make it to a match, especially one where her team had done so well. It was disappointing to not see Mateo there, especially since he’d told her he’d be there, and he definitely wasn’t one to break his promises.

“Where’s probie?”

“He had a date with that girl, Angela tonight,” Paul said. “Bet it’s going real good.”

TK made a sound beside him, making Marjan shift her gaze to him. Once he realized he had her attention, he said, “I don’t think that’s actually the case.”

“TK?” Marjan said impatiently, waiting for him to continue, shifting the bag on her shoulder.

“I knew he’d been nervous, and we all know he gets stuck in his own head sometimes. So I texted him a little while ago to check in.” TK glanced over at Paul, then back to Marjan’s expectant gaze. “I was messing with him during the date, and when he didn’t say anything I asked him if he needed me to bail him out because it was going badly. He said ‘yeah right, that would mean I’m actually on a date’.”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense. Have you tried calling him?”

“He didn’t pick up when I tried him half an hour ago.”

“I’ll try him,” Paul said, taking his phone out of his pocket and pulling up Mateo’s info, the phone ringing as he brought the phone up to his ear. He waited for a few seconds before he sighed, leaving a voicemail to have Mateo call him back when he got the message.

“He’s been talking about this girl non-stop for a week. He basically has her profile memorized, telling me how right for each other they were after their first few dates.” Marjan frowned, running her hand over the back of her neck, fingers brushing against the bottom of her hijab. “You still have keys to your dad’s place?” she asked TK.

“Marj, do you think—”

“She either stood him up, or something went bad, really fast. Either way, he’s gotta be upset.” Marjan bit down on her bottom lip for a second. “I just need to check on him.”

“Let’s go,” TK said as they walked toward the exit, tossing their drinks out on the way.

Paul stopped halfway to his vehicle, looking at Marjan as she unlocked her car, TK hopping into the passenger seat. “Call me? Let me know if he’s alright or if there’s anything I can do.”

“Of course. I’ll call you later,” Marjan said, tossing her bag into the back. She climbed into the driver’s seat, turning over the ignition, hoping that the way her stomach twisted with growing worry for Mateo was unnecessary.

*

TK opened the front door, letting Marjan into the seemingly empty house. She’d have thought that nobody was home if it weren’t for Mateo’s car in the driveway. It was a little after ten, so it was possible that he’d just gone to bed early. Marjan hesitated in the doorway.

“Come on,” TK urged, walking towards the kitchen and noticing the [liquor cabinet] was open. TK’s mouth fell open a little, like he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure if he should.

“I’ll go knock, see if he’s okay.” Marjan eyed the cabinet. “You alright out here?”

“I’m fine.” TK said, offering her a reassuring smile. “Promise.”

Marjan took a deep breath, then knocked lightly on Mateo’s closed bedroom door. Although he didn’t answer, she could hear the TV playing quietly on the other side, but nothing else. “Probie?”

She heard what sounded like a gasp or a sniffle, but she didn’t feel right just going in uninvited.

“Can I come in?” She tried again.

“Do what you want,” Mateo said instead. Marjan took a steadying breath, then pushed open the door and while she wasn’t sure what to expect, an array of takeout containers scattered across his bed wasn’t it.

“Cap is gonna have a fit when he sees all the GMOs you’ve been eating.” Marjan left the door open a crack, her gaze settling on the liquor bottle that was positioned precariously at the corner of his night stand. “Can I sit down?” She motioned towards the bed.

Mateo shrugged, his focus not wavering from the television. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair ruffled. If she didn’t know better she’d think he hadn’t slept or showered in days, like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. Mateo’s jaw tensed as he continued to watch the movie with great focus.

“What’re you watching?” Marjan cleared some of the containers from the bed, making space for herself beside her friend.

“I-I don’t know,” Mateo answered distractedly, still not looking at her.

“Hey,” Marjan said gently, taking the remote from his hands and muting the television, her forehead creasing more when he still didn’t look at her. “Mateo.” The use of his given name had the desired result, brown eyes filled with anger catching her gaze.

“What?” he snapped, then he visibly cringed, presumably as he realized she wasn’t the one he was angry with. “I—sorry.” Mateo’s voice wobbled on the last word.

“What happened?”

“She stood me up. Didn’t even text or call to tell me,” he said, lowering his gaze to his hands. “When I tried to call her for the third time because I was worried that something happened to her, she answered her phone—clearly annoyed—said I wasn’t what she was looking for. And that I started to suffocate her after one date, which she said was a record.”

“Mateo—” Marjan reached out for his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, wanting to physically reassure him that none of this was on him.

“Don’t.” Mateo’s anger crumbled, his expression turned to one of hurt, tears falling down his cheeks. “I’m always gonna be too much, or not enough—not smart enough, or good looking enough—too different to ever be the right guy.”

Marjan scooted over so she was sitting closer to him on the bed, opening her arms to him, hoping that he’d take the cue and let her comfort him. He didn’t move right away, so instead she placed her hand on top of his.

“I know you can’t see this right now because you’re angry and hurt, but you’re such a great guy. This is on her and not on you.” Marjan paused, her thumb rubbing over the back of his hand, watching as his jaw clenched and more tears rolled down his cheeks.

“You’re more than enough,” Marjan said. “You’re one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known, and that big heart of yours holds so much love for everyone you know. You dive into everything with your all. With your family, and your friends, at work when we’re on calls—and in relationships too. Someone is going to be so incredibly lucky to get all that you have to offer.”

Mateo’s body shook at her words, and she reached out for him, gently tugging him into her embrace. “Shhh, it’s okay. Let it out,” she murmured.

“H-how did you know—how did you get in here?” Mateo managed between sniffles.

Marjan’s hand rubbed over his back soothingly. “TK said something was wrong. He still had a key and I wanted to check on you.”

“I’m sorry I ruined your night.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Marjan chided, though her tone was soft as she pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I wish you would’ve called one of us. You don’t have to take on all this hurt alone. I’m here for you. We’re all here for you.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, his body sagging against her, finally letting the tension bleed out.

“I know it’s late. You should go,” Mateo finally said.

“No.” Marjan shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay but…” Mateo was quiet for a long time. “I never had dinner and I’m kind of hungry, do you mind if we grab some food?”

Marjan laughed softly as she climbed off of the bed, Mateo sliding off of the opposite side as her. “What’re you in the mood for? I’ll cook.”

“It’s almost 11:30,” Mateo argued.

“Probie.”

Mateo held his hands up in surrender. “Grilled cheese would be great.”

Marjan nodded, grabbing the bottle of alcohol from his nightstand on her way to the door, hearing Mateo’s feet padding against the floor behind her. She set the bottle on the counter, then walked toward the living room. “Hey T—” Her sentence cut off as she felt Mateo’s hand cover her mouth.

“Shhhh, he’s sleeping,” Mateo said. Marjan laughed as Mateo’s hand slipped away, and he skirted around her, walking over to TK and covering him with a throw blanket.

“You know,” Marjan said, unable to stop the way that her lips curled up into a smile. “We came here to take care of you.”

“We’re family,” Mateo said when he was satisfied enough with how well he’d covered TK, walking back to where Marjan was pulling out the ingredients she needed for the grilled cheese, “and family takes care of each other.”

Marjan smiled, feeling the tension ease with the knowledge that he would be okay, because he was right. They had each other and no matter the circumstance, they could get through it, because they always had each other to lean on.

[marjansmarwani]

that’s when I knew

[Read on Ao3]

5 times they almost said I love you, and 1 time they finally did.

--

Tarlos Week Day 3: First Love Confession

Day 3 of @tarlosweek2020! Shoutout to @officerrxyes and @lifeonashell for reading it through last week when I was not feeling great about it - you are both lifesavers! Also to @bellakitse because I realized when reading it through that at least one part was unconsciously inspired by something I read in one of your fics once! 

----

1

 It had been a long day. TK could feel it weighing on him, wearing in him - the fatigue sinking right into his bones. Firefighting had always been an active, energy-consuming profession and TK was no stranger to the bone-deep exhaustion that followed some days. But today he was supposed to head over to Carlos’s and they were supposed to go out. They were supposed to meet with some of Carlos’s friends that Carlos wanted TK to meet. It was important to him and TK was determined to not disappoint him. 

 He arrives at Carlos’s house shortly after wrapping up his shift and covers a yawn as he walks up to the front door. He lets himself in and walks through the house until he finds Carlos in the bedroom, still in the process of getting ready. 

 “Hey you,” he says from the doorway, leaning against the doorframe and admiring the view. Carlos turns around quickly, expression shifting from surprise to pleasure when he catches view of TK. 

 “Hey yourself,” he says as he crosses the room to give him a kiss. He pulls away and chuckles, “I didn’t hear you come in.” 

 “What great observational skills you have, Officer,” TK quipped, flashing Carlos a cocky grin in response to the exasperated look thrown his way. 

 “Maybe I’d be more observant if I didn’t have to spend so much time figuring out what to wear to kind of look like I belong with this ridiculously handsome boyfriend I have.” 

 “So you’re saying it’s my fault for being too good looking?” he shot back, tone still teasing even as a blush rose up his face. 

 “Yes, exactly. All your fault.” 

 “That’s sweet, but also false. Anyone with eyes can see that you are clearly the better looking one in this relationship.” 

 “Now who’s making jokes?” 

 TK was about to fire back some other teasing comment about Carlos’s good looks (really, did the other man own a mirror?) when his words were stolen by a deep yawn that slipped past TK’s defenses. Carlos looked up from his dresser to see a guilty look on TK’s face. 

 “Sorry,” he said quickly, “it was a really long shift.” 

 Carlos placed down the shirt he had just gathered from his dresser and crossed closer to TK again. He frowned as he drew closer, examining TK as he walked. 

 “You look tired,” he noted, “are you sure you want to go out tonight?” 

 “I can make it,” TK promised, “I’ll be fine.” 

 “That’s not what I asked TK - are you sure you want to go tonight? We could stay in instead, just hang out.” 

 “You made plans,” TK objected, pushing himself off of the doorway with some effort, “you wanted me to meet your friends. We don’t need to ruin everyone’s evening just because I am a little tired.”

 “You look like you’re going to fall over TK.” 

 “Then I guess you’re just going to have to keep your arm around me, keep me upright.” 

 Carlos ignored his very logical reasoning and stepped closer, examining him. “You look awful,” he noted, “did you get any sleep at all?” 

 “Weren’t you just talking about how handsome I was?” A pointed look from Carlos made him sigh as he answered the question, “not really. Maybe an hour all together; it was a busy night for calls. Every time we got back the alarms went off again, most of the time before we even managed to get back to our bunks.” 

 Carlos didn’t say a word, just put down the shirt he was still holding and pulled out his phone. He shot off a text before reaching for TK’s shoulders and steering him towards the bed. 

 “We are not going anywhere and you are going to bed.”

 “What about your friends?” TK asked as Carlos returned to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweats. 

 “I told them you had a rough shift and we needed to reschedule. There is no way I am going to drag you out with no sleep, I don’t care who we’re meeting.”

 “But…” 

 “No buts,” Carlos cut across his weak protestations as he handed him the sweats he had just grabbed. “You are in no state to go out, and even if you weren’t about to fall over, there is no way you’d enjoy yourself like this. You don’t need to push yourself like this for me TK - I’m happy as long as I get to spend time with you.” 

 TK looked down at the sweats in his hand and then back up at Carlos, “Fine, but there is no way I’m going to lay in your bed alone on date night.” 

 “Way ahead of you,” Carlos agreed as he pulled out another pair of sweats for himself. He made quick work of changing and joined TK in the bed, laying behind him and wrapping his arms around his body and pulling him tightly against himself. TK savored the closeness, the simple intimacy of it. He relaxed in Carlos’s embrace and allowed the tension to leave his body. The exhaustion he had been holding at bay drew closer, ready to overtake him. 

 “I can’t believe you’d rather go to bed with me at 8 like an old man than go out with your friends,” Tk sleepily observed. 

 He felt the vibrations of a chuckle on his back as Carlos responded, “don’t tell anyone, but I think I like you better. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.” 

 A warmth spread through TK; a kind of contentment he had never felt with another person. He felt wanted in a way he never had before - in a way that went far beyond the physical desires. 

 “Good Night, Carlos,” he breathed out before sleep claimed him. His voice was soft from emotion and exhaustion, but he hoped that somehow Carlos could hear the sentiments hidden in those three words. They were the wrong three words, but they were the only ones he had right now. He hoped that they were enough. 

 2

“What are you doing?” 

 Carlos’s voice from the doorway startled TK, causing the phone he had been speaking into to fall from his hand onto the bed. “Nothing,” he said quickly. Carlos’s eyebrows shot up. 

 TK sighed and fished his phone out from the tangle of blankets it had fallen into and handed it to Carlos with a cringe. 

 Carlos took the phone with a hesitant expression, and his eyebrows rose even further when he saw which app was open. He moved his gaze from the phone to meet TK’s with an unreadable expression. 

 “Are you...duolingoing Spanish?” 

 “Yes?” TK answered sheepishly. 

 Carlos sat down on the bed next to him, “Why?” 

 TK shrugged, “I mean, I know your family speaks English but you’ve mentioned that they like to use Spanish from time to time, and I just thought it would be nice. To know what was going on, to not have them have to stick to English because of me. I know this won’t make me fluent or anything, but maybe just enough to get the basics.” 

 Carlos was silent for a few moments and TK looked at him nervously, “You’re not mad, are you?” 

 That got a reaction out of him, “What? No! Why would I be mad?” 

 TK shrugged, “because I kept this from you? Because I am likely going to butcher your families’ native language? Because it maybe perpetuates some stereotype?” 

 Carlos just blinked. “You know none of those are true, right?” he said after a moment. 

 TK sighed, “I just...don't want to screw this up.” 

 Carlos scoffed, “Please - my mother is going to love you regardless. So will my aunts - they can’t resist a pretty face. The rest of them will just like you because you’re you, and if that wasn’t enough the fact that I like you enough to bring you around will change their minds. You don’t need to do this Ty - you’re plenty just as you are.” 

 The smile TK gave him was small, but it held all the warmth of the sun, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” 

 Carlos chuckled as he handed him back his phone, “Careful - they might think you’re trying too hard,” he said in a teasing tone.  

 “Maybe I am,” TK said with a shrug, “but you’re worth it.” 

 “Even with the demonic owl?” 

 TK nodded, “Listening to him is worth it if I can make you smile.” 

 Carlos’s heart swelled. He leaned over to plant a kiss on TK’s cheek. “That’s high praise, I’m flattered.” 

 “You should be. I wouldn’t do this for just anyone you know.” 

 The words were light and teasing, but the unsaid words were there - plain as day in the space between them. 

 But you’re not just anyone.

 They locked eyes and the sentiment traveled between them. They both knew it, both could fill in the blanks. They both knew what it was TK was not saying, what he wasn’t ready to say yet. Carlos swallowed and nodded, heart skipping a beat when TK smiled at him. 

 He leaned forward and captured that smile with his own, drawing him into a kiss. On the bed between them, a little green owl popped up to wave through the phone screen, but they both ignored it. They were too lost in each other; the rest for the world a distant memory. 

 3

 TK glances at the clock for the fourth time in as many minutes. He is barely paying attention to the dish he is drying, placing it down without looking. Somewhere between the splash and Marjan’s surprised yelp, he looks up. 

 Marjan is giving him an unimpressed look as she pulls the previously dry dish out of the suds-filled sink. “Where is your head at dude?” she asks as she passes it back to him for another round with the dishtowel. He accepts it sheepishly. 

 “Sorry,” he says lowly, “I was just thinking about my dad’s appointment.” 

 Understanding dawns on Marjan’s face, “He has chemo today.” 

 TK nods, “and it’s the first one I haven’t been able to go to.” He dries the dish and places it carefully on the counter before setting down the towel and leaning forward on the counter, bracing himself on the edge. 

 “I just hate thinking of him there alone.” 

 Marjan reached forward to shut off the faucet and set down the sponge before turning to face him. “He knows you would be there if you could,” she says soothingly, “and he’ll call if there is a problem. Your dad is made of pretty tough stuff, he’ll be fine.” 

 TK ran an agitated hand through his hair, “I know he can do it on his own, but he shouldn’t have too. He spent all those weeks doing it by himself before he told me about the cancer, and I don’t want him to have to go back to that.” 

 Marjan nods sympathetically. “I hear you, but not being able to make one appointment does not mean he is in this alone, TK. He has you, and he has us. Besides,” she notes as she turns back to the sink, “I think the fact that you’re obsessing over it is a pretty good indicator that you want to be there for him. He’s not alone.” 

 TK sighed again before straightening up, “I know you're right but it still sucks.” 

 She offered him a sympathetic smile as she passed him the next dish to dry and they continued their work in companionable silence. The last few hours of their shift seemed to drag by and the moment the relief shift arrived TK was out the door like a shot. 

 He pulled up to their home in impressive time and was about to call out for his dad when he noticed a figure on the couch. 

 “Carlos?” he asked as he set down his keys, “what are you doing here? I thought we weren’t meeting until later?” 

 Carlos looked up from the magazine he had been reading on the couch, a bright smile spreading across his face at the sound of TK’s voice. “We were,” he confirmed, “but I wasn’t here to see you. Not that I don’t want to see you,” he added hastily, “hi - how was work?” 

 TK rolled his eyes but his smile betrayed his amusement as he crossed to the couch, leaning over the back to give his boyfriend a kiss: “Nice save. Work was fine, have you seen my dad?”

 Carlos nodded, “he’s asleep, the chemo session took a lot out of him today.”

 TK nodded solemnly. He was about to announce his intention to go check on his father when he suddenly realized that the pieces didn’t quite click. 

 “Wait,” he said slowly, “why would you come to see my dad today? You knew he had an appointment…” he trailed off and Carlos smiled sheepishly. 

 “I knew how worried you were about him going alone and I had the afternoon off, so I went. He was surprised, but I think he appreciated the company.”

 TK was giving him a strange look so he stopped and frowned, “Was that not okay? He didn’t seem to mind…” 

 “No,” TK said quickly, “no, it’s fine. It’s more than fine actually, I just...you spent your afternoon off sitting with my dad at his chemo appointment?” 

 Carlos shrugged, “I like your dad. Besides, it was important to you so it’s important to me.” 

 There was silence then as Carlos looked at TK curiously, not sure what to expect. TK for his part was staring at Carlos as if seeing him in a new light. Carlos was just about to ask what was wrong when TK leaned down again, placing a deep, lingering kiss on his lips. When he pulled back, his eyes glimmered with unshed tears. 

 “Thank you, Carlos,” he said, voice low and sincere. Carlos smiled at him - that wonderful thousand-volt smile that stole TK’s breath each and every time, but TK was still stuck on this moment, on what Carlos had done; on how much it meant. Yet again he finds himself without the right words. Thank you just didn’t seem like enough; it wasn’t enough to convey the depth of what he was feeling for the other man. But once again, they were the only words he had. 

 Besides, he meant those words from the bottom of his heart. 

 4

 It’s late and the sticky Texas day has slid into a cool, comfortable night. They’re walking along a street talking about nothing in particular as the conversations of other pedestrians and the music spilling out of bars washes around them, filling the night air with a sense of life.

 They get to a corner and TK pauses, looking up at the night sky above them. A smile graces his face as he looks up at the cosmos. “You never quite got to see the stars like this in New York,” he said easily, “I don’t think I’ll ever get over how many of them there are.” 

 Carlos joins him in staring up at the sky, “It is quite a sight, isn’t it?” TK hums his agreement and leans closer to him, resting his head on Carlos’s shoulder as he gazes up at the sky. “I do still miss New York sometimes,” he admits, “but then something reminds me how lucky I am to get to experience somewhere new.” 

 “Is the night sky one of those things?” 

 “It is. It’s not the main one though.” 

 “And what would that be?” 

 “A certain officer of the law.” 

 “Mya? I’ll have to tell her, she’ll be thrilled.” 

 TK let out a bark of laughter and reached around to lightly swat at Carlos with the hand that was not intertwined with his own. “Yes, it’s Mya. I just can’t get her out of my head.” 

 “I knew it.” 

 “I’m trying to be serious here Carlos, do you have to ruin the moment?” 

 Carlos chuckled and leaned down to kiss the top of TK’s head. “If it means anything,” he admitted softly, “I’ve come to like Austin a lot more too since you showed up.” 

 “It does,” TK said softly. 

 They stand there in silence, staring up at the night sky for several minutes and Carlos is struck by how lucky he is. He is struck by how much he loves this man, but it’s too soon to say it. He settles on saying nothing at all - if he speaks at all he is going to say it and break this spell that they are under. 

 Those words are right on the surface though, and he knows it will only be a matter of time. 

 5

 TK’s phone rings. He picks it up to see Mya’s name on the screen. He excuses himself and steps to a secluded, quieter corner of the bar before answering. 

 “Hey Mya,” he says cheerfully as the call connects, “what’s up?” 

 “TK? Something’s happened.” 

 The fear in Mya’s voice sucks all the air from TK’s lungs. He can feel his knees go weak so he leans against the wall. 

 “What happened? Is Carlos…” he trails off, because he’s not sure what to ask. He’s not sure what to hope for; he’s not sure what to dread. 

 “There was an accident. He had just gone to get us coffee on our break and was walking back to the car when someone hit him. He was taken to the hospital...but I don’t know anymore than that. We’re just waiting for news now.”

 Her voice was low and sounded so unlike her. If the image of Carlos being struck by a car as he walked playing on repeat in his brain without his consent hadn’t driven the gravity of the situation home, her voice would have. 

 He took a deep breath. He forced himself to stand upright, to pull himself off the wall. “I’m on my way,” he told her. “I’ll be there soon. I…” but he didn’t know what else to say. What words were there to express the fear he was feeling right now? 

 “I’ll be there soon,” he repeated, and hung up the phone. He turned, mind whirring with plans and implications only to be met with Paul standing beside him, expression furrowed. 

 “What’s wrong?” his friend asked before TK could even so much as breathe. 

 TK didn’t even bother to wonder how he knew there was something wrong, he didn’t even stop to consider why Paul may have followed him into the corner. “Carlos was in an accident, I need to get to the hospital.” 

 He started to head toward the door, but paused. He had come with his dad, he didn’t have a car here. He needed to tell him, he needed to make sure his dad had a ride home, he needed to…

 Paul put a firm hand on his shoulder, pulling his attention back to the now. “Take a breath,” he said gently, “I can practically hear your mind freaking out. I’ll take you.” 

 TK gestured vaguely towards the bar where the rest of the crew and his dad were, “What about…?” 

 “I’ll call them on the way. It’s going to be fine,” Paul assured him as he steered him towards the door. 

 “What if it’s not?” he didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to think it; but it was there and it was real. It was a possibility. 

 “Then we’ll handle that too,” Paul promised him, “but let’s not start borrowing trouble now. Give your man a chance to surprise you first - he’s tougher than you might think.” 

 TK shook his head as the car started and they pulled away from the bar, “Tough doesn’t mean invincible.” 

 Paul gave him a sympathetic look but TK stared resolutely out the window. He appreciated his friend for coming with him, for driving him, but he couldn’t handle platitudes right now. 

 They continue the ride in silence, TK desperately trying to remember the last thing he said to Carlos. He couldn’t remember. It was something so inconsequential that he couldn’t remember it. Carlos had to survive this because whatever it was couldn’t be the last thing he said. 

 They couldn’t end like this. 

 Eventually they arrived and TK rushed to the ER waiting room, roving eyes seeking out Mya in the crowd. He found her speaking with a doctor in the corner and his heart plummeted. Only Paul’s steady hand on his shoulder kept him upright; only his gentle shove propelled him forward. 

 He approached, walking slowly and deliberately; holding his breath the entire time. He reached Mya and laid a gentle questioning hand on her arm. She turned to face him; brown eyes wet with tears but a beaming smile on his face. 

 “He’s going to be okay,” she announced and TK suddenly felt 30 pounds lighter. He gave a slightly manic laugh and pulled Mya into a bone crushing hug that she happily returned. Paul appeared at his side and TK repeated the news, savoring the way the words felt on his tongue: “He’s going to be okay.” 

 There is a hug from Paul too and phone calls to make and more waiting before a nurse appears, informing them that Carlos is in recovery now and they can come back one at a time. TK glances between the other two who share an indignant look before pushing him out of his seat and towards the nurse. He turns to thank them with a wave and a smile, and then he is gone - halfway down the hall that will lead him to Carlos. 

 He is still grinning when they reach the room, and he offers the nurse a smile of thanks as she leaves. His good humor is gone though the moment he steps in the door. Carlos is still and silent in the bed; most of him covered in either bruises or bandages. The images playing in his head earlier return and TK crosses the room on shaking legs. 

 He reaches the side of the bed and takes it all in; the stitches and bruising, the bandages and the cast. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and forces himself to relax. Carlos is alive and that is all that matters. They’ll handle anything else that comes after that. 

 He stands there in the quiet, drinking in the sight of Carlos’s chest rising and falling as he takes in air until slowly, his eyes blink open. 

 He squints in the dim light of the room and TK leans in closer. 

 “Carlos?” he asks gently, “are you with me?” 

 “Ty?” Carlos asks, voice raspy, “that you?” 

 “Yeah sweetheart, it’s me. How are you feeling?” 

 Carlos considers this for a moment, “Like I got hit by a bus.” 

 And despite everything, TK has to stifle a laugh, “Close,” he admits, “but not quite. Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? Should I get a nurse?” 

 “No,” Carlos says, voice stronger this time, “no, I’ll be fine. Just, sit here with me?” 

 TK lifts up the hand he’s been holding and brushes his lips against the knuckles, “there’s nowhere I’d rather be.”  

 There will time later, he thinks as Carlos drifts back to a peaceful sleep. There will be time to talk this through more, to tell Carlos how scared he was; to tell him that he couldn’t lose him. 

 There some other things that needed to be said too - things he had been putting off for far too long (though he had known for quite some time).  

 But for now he would let Carlos sleep; he would drink in the sight of him breathing. For now he could put it off, just a little longer. 

 They would still be true, no matter how long he waited. 

 +1

 It’s just a Thursday. 

 They had just arrived home from a double date with Grace and Judd and had fallen onto the couch, pleasantly full and tired. Carlos snuggled closer to him and TK smiled softly, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and pulling him even closer. 

 They sat intertwined in the silence for some time before TK spoke, “Hey, Carlos?” 

 “Yeah?” he asked. 

 “I love you.” 

 There was no commotion in the wake of his words; no grand gestures or great exclamations. Carlos simply smiled and leaned over to place a light kiss on TK’s cheek.

 “That’s good,” he said, “because I love you too.”

[Ao3]

[bellakitse]

Hey! I love your writing and i was wondering if you would write a prompt for tarlos? I saw it and immediately thought of them. “I’m your lock screen?!” - “You weren’t supposed to see that.” thank you either way!!!

Lock screen, Home screen, and Everything in-between

“TK, am I your lock screen?” Carlos asks, grin still in place, it’s both warm and amused at once.

A picture leads to a confession.

Written for Lone Star Week Day 6 - Romance

TK Strand is in the middle of a boring shift; he knows that boring is good in his line of work; it means no one’s life or property is in danger. Firefighters are always grateful for dull days. Knowing this doesn’t change the fact that he’s bored out of his mind though. He’s been on shift for the last seven hours with another five to go, and they’ve only had one real call today that ended almost as soon as it started.

He and the rest of the crew clean around the station and detail the trucks until they gleam. Marjan, realizing he’s restless, dares him to a plank challenge where she proceeds to kick his ass. He’s fit, but there’s a very good chance Marjan is Wonder Woman. He annoys Judd into another game of foosball, only to be called a cheater again by the Texan, who’s really just a sore loser. Now, still bored, but with nothing to do, he sits on one of the couches in the common room, scrolling through his phone while Judd sits across from him reading a book. Paul fusses around in the kitchen while Marjan and Mateo play some racing game on the PlayStation.

“Take that probie!” Marjan crows triumphantly.

TK looks up just in time to see Marjan cross the finish line in the game. Shaking his head, a smile tugs at his mouth as she gloats in the probie’s face. Mateo looks back at her with reluctant affection.

He goes back to his phone, his thumb swiping up to unlock it when a weight presses behind his left shoulder.

“Hey, sweetheart,” says a familiar voice that makes his insides jump pleasantly.

He tips his head back to find his boyfriend Carlos smiling down at him, his eyes warm the way they always seem to be when they’re on him. It makes his heart skip a beat, and he has to remind himself not to act like a teenager with a crush.

“Hey you,” he greets back with a smile of his own, his reminder not really working if how big his smile feels is any indication. “What brings you by?”

“I was dropping something off for Michelle, saw that all the trucks were here and figured I’d come upstairs and – ” Carlos stops mid-sentence as something else catches his attention.

“And?” TK prompts when Carlos doesn’t continue; he frowns, confused by the broad smile taking over Carlos’ face.

“TK, am I your lock screen?” Carlos asks, grin still in place, it’s both warm and amused at once.

“What – ” TK looks down to find that his thumb is still on his phone, causing the lock screen to light up. The picture on his screen is indeed Carlos, his eyes closed with a beautiful wide smile on his face showing off his perfect pearly whites. He remembers taking the picture when Carlos was mid-laugh.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” he blurts out loudly, slapping his hand over his screen.

He cringes as Judd slowly lowers his book, while Marjan and Mateo pause their game. All three look over at them with amused smiles on their faces. He’s sure if he turns around to look in the kitchen, he’ll find that Paul has stopped what he’s doing to watch them too.

“TK – “ Carlos starts softly. He can hear the gentleness in his voice but also the humor, and he feels his face grow hot at his tone, along with the grins on his crew’s faces.

Not really looking at anyone, he shoots up out of the couch. “I gotta go,” he gets out, his face growing hotter when his voice cracks.

“Where? You’re on shift!” Judd calls out to him, but TK isn’t listening, not when his sole focus is to get away from everyone’s amused looks as they watch him leave.

He turns the corner and heads for the dorm rooms. He knows his reaction is downright childish, but now that he’s started, he wants to commit to the behavior, hide under his blanket until his face isn’t so red, and he can erase from his memory the look on his crew’s faces. He finds a half-asleep Buttercup on his bed; the big mutt opens an eye to look at him. Proving how sensitive he is to TK, the second he sits down, Buttercup shifts over to rest his head on his lap, looking up at him with sleepy soulful eyes.

“Thanks, buddy,” he says softly, running his hand over the top of the dog’s head. He hears footsteps, but doesn’t bother to look up from petting the Bernese on his lap; he already knows who it is.

Carlos sits down next to him; he doesn’t say anything; instead, he just waits silently in that supportive way of his until TK is ready to speak.

“I overreacted to you seeing your picture on my phone,” he says quietly, looking up from Buttercup to Carlos. He takes in the gentle, concerned look on his face and feels something shift inside. “I don’t even know why.”

“Maybe because it feels like revealing something you weren’t ready for me to know?” Carlos questions, still tender and understanding like always.

TK thinks about the statement for a moment and finds truth in it. Carlos knowing that his picture is his lock screen, feels oddly intimate. It leaves him acutely aware of how vulnerable he is with him.

He gives Carlos a small nod. “People have always said I wear my heart on my sleeve,” he starts quietly, biting down on his lip before continuing. “And all it’s gotten me is my heart stomped on.”

“And now it makes you gun-shy to be so exposed,” Carlos answers just as softly. TK feels a wave of affection as he hears no judgment in Carlos’ voice, only empathy.

“It’s not that I want to hide my feelings from you,” TK says quickly, needing Carlos to know that. He doesn’t want his past failures to ruin the good thing he has with Carlos today. “I want you to know I care about you. I hope you know that.”

Carlos answers him with a beautiful smile, his arm coming around TK’s shoulder, giving him a soft pull into his space. TK goes willingly, tucking his face into Carlos’ neck as he gives him a sideways hug. He shifts to get closer to Carlos, and Buttercup makes a grumbling noise from where he rests his head on TK’s lap. He smiles when Carlos’ hand joins his, petting the large dog until he closes his eyes again.

“I know you care about me,” Carlos assures him. “Since we made our relationship official, I haven’t once questioned it.”

TK lets out a relieved sigh. “Good, you need to tell me right away if I ever do something that changes that. I can be self-involved sometimes, but I never want to hurt you because I’m being a clueless dick.”

He feels Carlos shake a little as he laughs. “I promise to tell you if you’re being a dick, Ty.”

TK snorts softly at the teasing. He tilts his head back, pressing his lips against the underside of Carlos’ jaw.

They stay quiet for a moment as TK enjoys Carlos’ embrace. “Can I show you something?” Carlos asks quietly after a moment.

“Mmhmm,” he mumbles, mellowed out from being in his boyfriend’s arms.

He lifts his head from his shoulder when Carlos pulls his phone out, playing with it nervously.

“Okay – so don’t judge me,” Carlos starts, and TK raises an eyebrow at the shy smile he sees on his face. A moment later, he understands why. Carlos’ lock screen is a sleepy TK, and TK remembers the moment Carlos took the picture. It was a few weeks ago when he came over to his place after being on shift for three days, more asleep than awake.

“I’m your lock screen,” he says quietly, going warm to the tip of his toes.

“Not just my lock screen,” Carlos confesses, wrinkling his nose adorably as his cheeks turn pink. He enters his passcode, and TK can see what he means. He’s Carlos’ home screen too; only this time, it’s a picture of them together. One that TK took one afternoon when they were goofing around. Carlos’ face is half-hidden in TK’s shoulder while he smiles at the camera.

“I’m your home screen,” he whispers, letting out a small laugh, he feels so happy he could burst.

“Yes,” Carlos says with a smile of his own, his face is still pink, but his smile is full and pleased. “And if you look at my camera roll, you’ll call me a stalker from the sheer amount of pictures I have of your face.”

TK laughs gleefully, his eyes going a little wet.

Carlos shakes his head at his enjoyment, his lips curved upward. “I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way.”

TK nods, understanding what Carlos is trying to say. He’s grateful for this beautiful man that somehow, despite their less than great start, cares about him – loves him.

Suddenly he’s not as scared anymore, and he takes his phone out, opening his camera.

“What are you doing?” Carlos asks even as he grins, pulling him closer.

“You have a picture of us as your home screen,” TK answers, lifting his phone in front of them. “I need one too.”

Carlos lets out a soft laugh before he smiles as he turns to look at the camera, and TK takes a moment to look at him. He’s so head over heels in love he can’t think straight.

“Carlos?” he murmurs, his lips a breath away from Carlos’ cheek.

“Yeah?” Carlos asks, not looking away from the camera.

TK grins, his heart pounding hard under his chest from how sure he is. “I love you.”

Carlos’ gasp and the sound of the picture taken happen simultaneously. The result is a picture TK will have on his phone for years to come, showing it every time he talks about the love of his life.

[morganaspendragonss]

fall apart when it hurts too much

i had like three ideas for this fic so here’s all of them smashed together! ft. carlos and tk actually not being physically perfectly fine after being trapped in a fire, breakdowns in the shower, and an actual apology for that scene.

It's the smallest thing that breaks him, in the end. Ever since the fire, Carlos has been trying to keep a lid on everything, trying not to shatter even though he's been on the verge for hours now. He makes it to the shower, desperate to scrub the stench of smoke from his body, and then he just—

He drops the soap.

ao3 | 2.9k | 2.12 spoilers

Carlos barely makes it five steps from their house before his knees are hitting the tarmac, falling to all fours as his body heaves and shakes with coughing. He can’t catch his breath, and panic lights up in his chest, fingernails scrabbling at the ground despite the pain. Hands are on him, too big and rough to be TK’s, but Carlos doesn’t have a chance to work out who they belong to before they’re shifting under his arms, dragging him backwards even as their house explodes, a blast of intense heat washing over them.

If he had any breath left in him, Carlos is certain it would have abandoned him in that moment. Everything he’s spent years building for himself, all gone in the blink of an eye. It’s too much, and he collapses back down the second whoever’s holding him lets go. His eyes are streaming, a combination of irritation from the smoke, the tightness in his lungs, and a terror that he suspects won’t leave him for a long, long time. 

He gasps, forehead pressed to the concrete, and then hands are on him again, but these—these, he knows. Carlos sags gratefully into TK’s arms, allowing him to pull him close and resting his head on TK’s chest, right above his heart.

He still can’t really breathe, and judging by the ragged gasps from above him, TK isn’t faring much better. But his heart is beating. 

They’re alive.

Carlos closes his eyes, drifting away from himself as the fire continues to burn and the wail of sirens cut through the night air. TK curls his body around him and Carlos clings to that security with both hands. It means they made it out; somehow, they made it out.

TK’s lips press against his cheek, then his mouth shifts to his ear, voice rough yet still soothing when he speaks. “Baby, we need to move,” he says. “We gotta — They gotta check us out.”

Carlos feels himself nodding, but it’s the only movement he can manage. His entire body is trembling and his mind is frozen, replaying the last five minutes over and over on repeat.

God, had it only been five minutes?

“Come on.” TK tugs at his arm and, after a few tries, Carlos manages to get his limbs to cooperate long enough to begin to rise. A dizziness comes over him without warning and he stumbles, nearly pulling them both back to the ground; it occurs to Carlos that TK can’t be any more steady than he is. They’d been in there for the same time, after all.

Judd catches Carlos before he falls, and he sees through blurred vision Owen doing the same for TK. They’re led - or, rather, carried - to the ambulance, the flashing lights cutting through Carlos’s already pounding skull, and carefully lowered down onto the step. Unthinkingly, Carlos grabs TK’s hand, unsure if the tremor in the touch is coming from him or TK.

Oxygen masks are secured over both their faces and shock blankets wrapped around their shoulders, the soft material comforting. A kind-looking paramedic kneels in front of them, asking them questions about symptoms as she wraps burns Carlos didn’t even realise he’d acquired. He barely manages a nod or a head shake at the appropriate moments, his brain struggling to catch up with it all.

He’s so tired. All he wants is to be asleep in their bed, in TK’s arms, and for this to be a horrible nightmare he’s yet to wake from.

But their bed is gone. Their home is gone, ashes, only the twisted remnants of metal supporting beams left behind.

He’s shaking again, his chest constricting and causing him to cough despite the oxygen mask. Tears fall hot and fast down his cheeks and he practically falls onto TK, hands fisting in the blanket.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobs when he’s caught his breath enough to speak, pulling the mask down. “I’m so sorry.”

TK shushes him, hands running soothingly up and down his back. “It’s okay. This wasn’t your fault. We’re going to be okay.”

“But we almost weren’t.” He pulls back to meet TK’s eyes, the first time since Owen and Billy came bursting in. “I—I thought we weren’t going to make it. I should have had a fire extinguisher upstairs, this should never have… I...”

He cuts himself off, talking becoming an impossibility. TK cradles him close, kissing his head gently and whispering reassurances into his hair. Carlos hangs onto every word, not really believing them, but wanting to desperately.

By the time the paramedic ushers them into the ambulance, Carlos’s tears have eased, but the gaping pit in his chest has only grown. 

He wishes he could wake up now.

*

They’re at the hospital for a few hours, run through a myriad of tests before they’re both declared fit to leave. A smiling nurse gives them the news, telling them that they’ll be home before they know it. 

Neither of them have the energy or the ability to correct her.

Carlos’s parents come to pick them up, his mom producing a bag of fresh clothes for both of them. Where she got them from, Carlos doesn’t know, and he doesn’t ask. He hasn’t said much at all since the fire despite TK’s many attempts to get him to talk, leaning into the doctor’s advice not to do anything that might irritate his throat. He’s not sure what he’s even supposed to say; their house is gone, and that’s… That’s that.

His mom loops her arm through his and walks him through the corridors and out of the hospital. Carlos only half-listens to her talk about fixing up his room for them and what she’s planning on cooking for dinner tonight; he still feels the stench of smoke and ash clinging to his skin, even though they were able to clean up a little at the hospital. He itches with the need to wash it all off, to scrub until his skin cracks and bleeds and the pain eclipses that which lingers in his bones.

TK seems to sense how he’s feeling, constantly providing support in one form or another the entire drive to his parents’ house. Carlos feels guilty for not checking on him, but he’s seconds from shattering. If he tries to focus on anything other than holding himself together, he knows he’ll break.

He realises that makes him a shitty boyfriend, but… But.

His childhood home soon comes into view, a part of Carlos relaxing at the sight. He’s beyond grateful that they came here instead of going to Owen’s; he needs every comfort he can get right now, his mother’s cooking and his abuela’s stitched blanket second only to TK on that list. 

He turns to TK as the car comes to a stop, squeezing his hand gently. “This isn’t how I’d imagined bringing you home for the first time,” he jokes, trying for a smile, but it falls flat. TK gives him a token smile anyway, the same weariness Carlos is feeling heavy in his gaze. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing what teenage Carlos was like.”

“You already know,” Carlos points out. “I’m pretty sure my mom spilled every story there is the other night when we were… Well, you know.”

TK nods. “Yeah,” he says, his voice a mere whisper. Carlos doesn’t get it, how even the slightest thought of their house can send him spiralling, but he guesses that it’s just another thing he’ll have to deal with now. As if there wasn’t already enough.

He doesn’t get a chance to think on it any longer, his parents calling for them to come inside, his mother practically shoving the two of them upstairs. Carlos leads TK to his old room by the hand, the decorations almost untouched since he moved out.

“You can just…” He waves around, gesturing vaguely to the bed. “Make yourself comfortable, I guess. I’m going to shower, you can go in after me if you want, or I won’t mind if you just want to sleep. Bathroom is the door at the end of the hall.”

TK chews on his lip, not letting go of Carlos’s hand just yet. “I can join you?” he offers, but Carlos shakes his head.

“It’s pretty small in there. Better not.”

TK doesn’t look like he believes him (and why would he? it is a lie, after all) but he nods and lets go. Carlos lingers for a second, then leaves, grabbing the bag of clothes his mom left on his way.

He manages to scrub himself fully once before it happens. There’s still a slight tremble to his hands as he reaches for the soap again, the feeling of being unclean sticking to him, and he just—

He drops the soap.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. Carlos stares at where it’s fallen, willing himself to just pick it up and carry on, because that would be the sensible thing to do, right? The normal thing?

But he can’t. Everything—the fire, the house, the goddamn soap—is suddenly all too much, and Carlos has to brace himself against the tiles as emotions he’s tried so hard to ignore pour out of him in a wave of grief and sorrow and despair. He presses his fist to his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut, cries wrenching from his mouth, so loud that he doesn’t hear the gentle knocking at the door.

“Carlos?”

Carlos gasps, straightening as TK’s voice cuts through the noise. “I’m okay, I’ll just be a second,” he calls, but obviously he’s not convincing enough as the door creaks open, TK’s face falling when he catches sight of him.

“Oh, Carlos.”

TK steps into the room, silently undressing and stepping into the shower with him. He bends and grabs the soap from where it fell and creates a lather on his hands, looking to Carlos for permission before going any further.

Carlos wordlessly nods, so TK begins rubbing the suds over his body, touch soft and feather-light. They don’t say a word, and it’s not… It’s not relaxing, exactly - Carlos doesn’t think he can relax tonight - but it’s… It’s something. It means he’s not alone, which is all Carlos could ask for in this moment.

A slight pressure on his shoulder tells him to turn around, so Carlos puts his back to TK, facing the spray of the showerhead. He doesn’t know why, but not having to look at him makes it easier, somehow, to say the words that have been spinning in his mind since this nightmare began.

“I’m so sorry, TK,” he whispers. “If we had just had an extinguisher, then—”

“Then, nothing,” TK interrupts, not pausing in his motions. “I used to be a firefighter, Carlos; I know from experience that when a fire burns like that, nothing can stop it. My dad, Billy, and Judd all had extinguishers, and they barely made a dent.”

“I still should have done more. You were so calm, and I was just panicking.”

“Firefighter. I’ve been in plenty of burning buildings before; you haven’t. And, trust me, I was scared too.” TK sighs, his hands stilling on Carlos’s shoulders for a brief second before resuming. “Listen to me,” he whispers fiercely, planting a kiss between his shoulder blades. “You have nothing to apologise for, you hear me? Nothing.”

*

When Carlos wakes the next morning, TK is sitting on the edge of the bed, back to him, his hands twisting together in his lap. The set of his shoulders is tense, and Carlos can imagine the look on his face right now. He pushes himself up onto an elbow and reaches out, intending on comforting TK the way he’s done so many times over the course of their relationship.

What he’s not expecting is for TK to flinch away like his touch burns. Carlos frowns, sitting up fully and crawling over the bed to sit next to him. “Babe?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”

TK shakes his head, subtly—though, not subtle enough—shifting away from him until there’s a clear gap between their bodies. It’s so far removed from last night when they could barely stand to let go of each other, and Carlos has no idea what’s causing it.

“TK?” he tries, keeping his hands to himself this time. “Please, TK, talk to me.”

It takes another agonising minute before TK finally, slowly, turns his gaze to Carlos. His eyes are wet and red-rimmed, and he can’t seem to look directly at him for longer than a few seconds. He clears his throat roughly, rubbing the material of his borrowed sweats between his fingers.

“Remember last night?” he says quietly. “When I said you had nothing to apologise for? I meant that—you don’t, but I do.” TK takes a trembling breath, then turns to him with a gasp. “Carlos, I—”

“Stop,” Carlos interrupts, shaking his head. He thought they’d moved past this; he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. “I already told you, it’s okay. You were in shock, you were angry… I get it, okay? You don’t need to be sorry.”

“Yes, I do.”

“TK—”

“Carlos, please.” A couple of tears slip down TK’s cheeks and he doesn’t bother to wipe them away, a desperate look in his eyes. Carlos hesitates, then sighs and nods, gesturing for him to continue. “Thank you. I… If I thought it meant anything, I would say that I’m sorry a thousand times over. I mean, I am, of course I am, but they’re just words, right? The same as saying I wish it had never happened in the first place, because the point is that it did happen and I can’t ever take it back. You had done nothing but support me, and I just—I hit you. There’s no excusing that. I don’t even know if there’s any forgiving that.”

Carlos frowns. “Of course there is.”

“Well, maybe there shouldn’t be.” TK looks down at his lap, shoulders curved inwards. “I wanted to use so badly that night,” he admits. “I was going out of my mind over my dad, and I’d convinced myself that I’d lost you. That I was going to lose you both. It was so tempting to go to the nearest bar or dealer and make it all go away for a while.

“Then I realised that I would only be hurting more people if I did, and I couldn’t do that. I’m not… This isn’t me trying to excuse what I did to you. You don’t deserve that, and I understand completely if you can’t trust me anymore, or even if you want me to leave. I’ll do it, whatever you want, just say the word. I can’t take it back, but I’ll do anything so that you feel safe.”

TK sniffs, his head bowed so low he’s almost folding in half. Carlos hesitates, then slowly reaches out, taking TK’s hands in his own. “TK, look at me?” he asks softly.

TK does, pain written all over his face, and it breaks Carlos’s heart again. 

“I forgive you,” he says, squeezing as tight as he dares. “I forgive you. You might not think you deserve it, but I promise you that you do. I won’t pretend that what happened didn’t hurt me, but I understand why you did it.” He pauses, weighing his next words carefully before he speaks, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Not that he thinks TK will react like before again, but he refuses to make him feel any worse about the situation.

He makes sure he has TK’s eyes on him before speaking, keeping his voice as calm as possible. “But,” he starts, sighing heavily, “you are right. It’s not an excuse, and we are going to have to deal with this soon. Maybe not right now, but we need to have a conversation about these defence mechanisms of yours and how we can make sure you don’t feel the need to fall back on them again.”

TK nods. “I’m going to go to a meeting tomorrow, and I’ll talk to my therapist as soon as I can. I’ll… I’ll be better, Carlos, I swear.”

“I know you will.”

Carlos shifts closer so he can wrap an arm around TK. He stiffens at the touch, but slowly leans into it, carefully resting his head on Carlos’s shoulder.

“I don’t deserve this,” he mumbles.

“Everyone deserves a second chance,” Carlos counters.

TK snorts. “I think you’ve given me about thirty.”

“And you’ve deserved every single one.” He kisses the top of TK’s head and strokes his side. “I don’t think you could ever do anything bad enough to drive me away. That’s not who you are, TK. You’ve made mistakes, yes, but I love you and I will keep loving you even if you think I shouldn’t because I know my boyfriend and I know he’s a good man.”

TK sniffles, his arms coming up to wrap around him. He hesitates a second, a palm hovering over Carlos’s chest, trembling in mid-air as the seconds drag out. Carlos holds his breath, waiting, then smiles as TK slowly brings it down, letting it rest just over his heart.

The touch is light, barely there, but it’s something. It’s progress. 

They’re both more than a little broken, more than a little hurt, but they can heal. They will heal, as long as they’re together.

[alolanrain]

Have some random HC’s for the Champions. Their all in different lengths and I’m on mobile, as always, so be prepared for a LONG post.

——————

I love the very personal, and maybe a very heavy projected, HC I have that Ash is actually really tired all the time but his ADHD just gives him the drive to go Do Things because if he doesn’t he gets really bad anxiety and the giant need to Stim his arms off if he’s not moving. Like it’s hard for him to find the Zone to where he can sit still and not completely vibrate off his seat. So when he’s in Alola he like buys a bunch of different stim toys and Professor Kukui is kind of put off bu the amount he gets and the variety. Like I’m talking chew toys, the ones with silent buttons and tiny joy sticks, ones that just have weird textures that you just rub between your fingers, etc. Ash keeps them up in the loft near his bag of clothes and away from where Rockruff/Lycanroc can get to them and only takes one until it’s either destroyed/lost/or he ends up giving it to one of his friends who need to get some extra energy out and they usually forget to give it back to him until the end of the day. Kukui starts to see Ash’s grades rise pretty steadily and even starting to surpass a few others in the class, though he still lacks in certain categories like Math and Reading. Surprisingly Ash is excelling rapidly in the writing and history portion and during history lessens actually gently corrects Kukui on a few more really big recent events.

——

So like all the Champions father around for a more personal Q&A type of interview and one of the questions are “what’s your favorite type of flavor/food/dessert/etc? and why?”

Ash excitedly blurts out honey and that actually surprises a few of them, they honestly thought Ash would just say that he liked all foods. He goes and explains that his Grandma, before she past away, in Galar had this GIANT honey farm and she had stacks upon stacks of books ranging from dinner books to dessert books that use’s honey in the dishes. She had different flavors of honey, honey ice cream, somehow frozen honey that you suck on like a lollipop, this list goes on and on. She died when he was around 8 and all her bee Pokémon were donated to other honey farmers that she knew and wrote into her will. Delia wasn’t a fan of the bee Pokémon’s so she didn’t get one and Ash was really sad about that. He deflates afterwards and admitted he’s never had any of those treats/foods after her death besides plain honey sticks because he can’t find anything else that matches up to his Grandma’s honey and he’s not very keen on going and finding some bee Pokémon on his own since they need extensive care and constant attention which Ash can’t give with his lifestyle and work load.

Wallace soon pipes up that his favorite food of all time is actually mint chocolat ice cream because he and his dad, before he passed away from stage two Cancer, would go out each weekend in the summer tk a nearby ice cream stand and buy one come each before walking around the park that was right next to their house.

Leon adds that he actually likes food with lavender some how incorporated into it because his dad also liked lavender as well. He always brings a few lavender flowers every time he visits his dads grave with Hop when both are free to do so and that there’s only one restaurant in Wyndon that makes lavender ice cream and he and Raihan goes and get one after every match they have together. Even though Raihan likes stuff with Lemon in it instead of lavender.

Wallace jokes that Steven only likes plain stuff with vanilla in it but Lance fires back that Wallace always tries and makes homemade vanilla ice cream every year in Stevens birthday because he loves him.

Cynthia joins in that she craves mangos most of the time and she admits that she gets that from her Grandpa and even owns a giant cook book with all kinds of recipes with mangos incorporated.

Diantha likes dragon fruit a lot though she doesn’t have anything like a cookbook, she really likes this one restaurant that has a cooked dragon fruit dessert though.

Alder likes anything with cinnamon, he gets some light jokes at his dispense because of his hair color and him liking cinnamon, it was something he always loved from childhood.

———

Lance surprisingly wears the least amount of sleep wear among the Champions while Ash wears the most.

Like the most Lance is willing to wear on his very rare days off is a see through tank top and like some basketball shorts and that’s it.

Ash on the other hand is wearing a pair of sleep shorts under some giant pajama pants he snatched from one of his friends, a shirt, thick ass sweatshirt, and two pairs of socks on his feet.

———

Leon has this thing where he swaps one of his pillows with one of the reigning champions pillows. Like he has a red silky one from Lance, a soft white sliky one from Diantha, a long tan cased one from Alder, a black one from Steven and Wallace, and finally a grey t-shirt cotton one from Ash.

R*se tried to sneakily switch those pillows out for ones that actually match Leon’s room decor and bed spread. Leon got really offended that Rose would do such a thing, let alone having a fucking spare key to his house when Leon knows for a fact he didn’t say R*se or Oleana could have one, and promptly moved all his stuff from his house back to his mum’s and then sold his Wyndon house. R*se called Leon a child but Leon had called him out over Twitter and started the trend #PillowSnatcher

———

Alder can sing and sing very well. He usually only does it when one of his fellow colleagues are stressed or panicked. It’s deep and ironically his favorite song to sing under his breath is Chocolate Rain.

He finds it worryingly that he sings to Ash most of the time after he joins them on the line up, that and Leon is also an increasingly new occurrence.

———

Lance is League DadTM and Diantha runs an account where she, Cynthia, Alder, and the rest of the League try and catch Lance being a DadTM to Ash, Leon, and younger league members. It’s always captioned with “League Dad Strikes Again!” And Lance both hates it and loves it so much because it means he’s getting soft but Lance also doesn’t want to stop being a League DadTM because of the way the younger League always smiles more brightly at him when Lance remembers what snack or drink they like to consume after a hard day or by even just remembering their name at all.

He especially loves it when Ash gets all tired, this happened when he was much younger and started out as Lance’s secondary Champion, and sways on his feet back and forth nearing the end of a social gathering or some other kind of high end event. He was Lance’s escape excuse and he also liked to pick Ash up and have the kid snuggle into him. That action always bright him some sort of comfort knowing that he’s helping Ash.

———

On Mario Kart night they always end off it with a short Disney movie. Ash always finds himself squished between Lance and Leon. They’ed take the deepest couch to accommodate both Leon and Lance’s shoulder width. Ash would be settled on Leon’s chest and Lance would be facing away from the screen and curled up in Leon’s side. None of them really remember when this started but it soon became their end of the night ritual.

Leon also had to carry Lance and Ash back up to their secret rooms and more often then naught Leon got pulled into one of their beds for continued cuddling.

———

Speaking of Game Night!

Ash is usually the first one to the house that they always rent, and by ‘rent’ I mean it’s Wallace’s passed Uncles house that was given to him through his Will and that Wallace let’s people rent it out because it’s big and fancy and really affordable, and sets up everything.

This is where Ash’s keen sense of smell comes into play heavily becaus to him if one Champions smell mixes with another it could cause him to go into a bad headache. Like if the two Champions are cuddling or standing together Ash is completely fine! It’s just the objects that reek with their smell.

Wallace and Steven are by the lover sofa closest to the fire, Cynthia and Diantha have their blankets and pillows spilling onto the floor off of the two person sofa because that’s how they usually end up, Lance is mostly on the floor or he’ll join Alder who has the longest Sofa in the furthest in the back because he likes to read and also people watch the other Champions having fun, and Ash and Leon mostly share the more deeper width couch since Leon likes to use this time to catch up and sleep and Ash likes to use Leon as a cuddle buddy.

All their stuff is color coded as well; Wallace has teal, Steven has gray, Diantha has black, Diantha has white, Alder had reddish-orange, Lance has a dark red, Leon has purple, and Ash has dark blue.

Usually at the end of the night everyone kind of steal one thing from everyone else’s piles throughout the night. Like Wallace and Steven would be sharing one of Lance’s blankets and Wallace would have stollen Diantha’s Pangoro Pillow Pet. Alder has taken one of Ash’s pillows that had fallen to the floor and one of Stevens gray weighted blankets out of his thirty-something spares because EVERYONE likes to steal his weighted blankets instead of bringing their own.

———

All the rest of the adults are very worried for Ash’s mental health and would constantly ask if he’s okay or if there’s anything they can do to help support him or his friends. Like the kid could ask for anything and they’ll try their damn best to get it for him because Ash has risked his life for the world and their Region. It’s the least they can do for him.

This also causes Ash to get very awkward and uncharacteristically shy most of the time or to start crying softly because what their doing is a hell of a lot more then a lot of people back at his home town and this is including his mom and Professor Oak who prefer not to talk about Ash’s... Little Incidents.

The first crying session had Lance practically pulling tooth by tooth out of Ash until the older champion got the whole storie. Lance then preceded to pull every blackmail, illegal evidence, and use almost every advantage of his title and position to get the kid to be able to meet Lance’s therapist. Ash was floored and very shy through out most of it until the end when Lance’s therapist made a little headway into Ash’s obvious PTSD and problems.

It’s kind of become their thing that every time Ash is home for more then a few weeks he and Lance would go to their Therapist for a joint session over something they both share. After they leave they go to a nearby tea shop and talk about some much more lighter subjects.

———

Ash bickers a lot with most of the Legendaries. It’s gotten to the point of sibling like name calling. There’s videos taken of Ash calmly calling Zekrom a dirt eater or Kyogre a off colored off sized Wailord.

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Back to the favorite food thing. Ash has this stupid fucking OP ability where if he consumes any kind of thing with honey in it, all his open wounds/big bruises would magically stitch back together. No one, and including Ash, knows where he got the stupid ability or when it started to happen but after every big Incident or when he gets hurt Ash, his friends, or a league member would go quickly grab him something with honey in it.

His favorite so far has to be some hibiscus tea with honey that Professor Kukui made him after they had come back from saving Lusamine. Ash had gotten large bruises at his side and Kukui worriedly watched them slowly disappear after like five minutes and Ash had gulped down three cups of the cold tea.