#She had to go to bed after episode four cause she has a flight tomorrow

[meteor752]

There’s actually nothing funnier than the fact that not only did I watch the entirety of Young royals season three in the living room WITH MY GRANDMOTHER (She loved it and was very invested, Sara was her fave), but my dad came back during the FUCKING SEX SCENE IN LIKE EPISODE THREE, so I was sitting there WATCHING GAY SEX WITH MY GRANDMA IN THE LIVING ROOM, AND THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED

I literally lived through the meme, “Young Royals when you’re watching it by yourself vs Young Royals when your parents walk in”

[offside-the-lines]

tell me who i run to (if not you) | anthony beauvillier | Ep 4. Four-leaf Clover

This is a completed series! Read Full Fic | 🧸 Series Cover Page/Masterlist 🧁 | 🎵 Playlist 🎶 << Previous Episode || Ep 4 || Next Episode >>

Chapter Summary: Tito’s been playing again, and during his first stretch of away games begins to miss home. Well, Evie’s home anyway. When he sees her in the bar, he can’t help but show it. Barzy calls him out on his lies.

A/N: You can refer to cover page for the series summary, author's notes, tropes, general warnings and other fun tidbits. This series contains mature themes. Minors DNI. Warning: heavy alcohol consumption, and kissing under the influence Disclaimer: This series is set in Chicago but does not mention the name of the team.

Word count: 5.5k // 44.5k

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Four-leaf Clover

Tito — March 9

Tito walks through Evie’s front door, his feet dragging like cement on her floor. It wasn’t even a long road trip, only three games and six days, but they took a late flight, still in their game day suits, right after the game in DC so they could be ready for the back-to-back tomorrow. Today?

He was happy to be back playing and delighted to be back in the normal rhythm of training, games, and travel. But every game is a slog, and the weight of a loss feels even heavier on a team that loses more than it wins. 

Not to mention, the long calls with his agent and dad meant he spent most of his waking hours on the roadie thinking about the future. It was hard not to feel increasingly pessimistic when you feel like you’re barely making an impact on a bottom-of-the-table team.

So, yeah, he’s exhausted. His thoughts are moving like sludge through a clogged pipe when he realizes that Evie has been talking to him for a while.

She looks up at him expectantly from where she sits in front of her computer, surrounded by papers and books. She’s wearing her glasses, and her hair is tied in a messy bun, whisps falling around her face. She’s wearing another sweater he had left behind. If he’s honest, most of his favorite comfortable clothes are in her closet now. He feels so relieved to see her he could cry. 

He smiles at her softly, “Hey. Sorry. What did you say?”

She laughs. “I knew you weren’t listening.” She shakes her head and stands up, walking over to him. 

His body sways towards her without his meaning to.

“Woah, okay.” She catches him in a hug. “Brutal week, huh?”

His arms tighten around her, holding her firmly to him. He hums, burying his face in her neck and sinking into the scent of her perfume and conditioner.

She leans back and smiles at him in a way that makes his body feel even more like jelly than it did, “Yeah, okay. Let’s get you to bed.” 

She reaches up and loosens his tie as he just blinks at her. He cooperates as she takes his suit jacket and hangs it up on the kitchen bar stool. She pushes him towards her bedroom, causing him to grunt in confusion.

“Look, you’re tired. It was a crazy game, and you took a long flight. And, to top it all off, you have another game tomorrow. Which is fucking ridiculous, by the way. You’re sleeping in the bed.”

“What?” he mumbles, “No. It’s okay. I can do the couch.”

“I’m not arguing with you on this. Go get ready for bed.”

“But,” he pauses, turning towards her in the doorway of her room, “What about you? I'm not letting you sleep on the couch in your own apartment.”

She looks at him assessingly before shaking her head and smiling, “Okay then.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Come on, let’s go.” She closes her laptop and turns off the lights, pushing him further into her room.

His feet drag as his head swims with confusion. “You’re staying in here, too?”

“Yes, dumbass. Might as well take advantage of this king bed.” Her voice softens. “Is that okay with you?”

“Oh,” he says, surprised, “Yes, please.”

He unbuttons his shirt as she rummages around in the closet. When she re-emerges, she’s holding a t-shirt and sweatpants. As he takes the rest of his suit off and hangs it on the nearest empty hanger, she remains standing in front of the closet stock still, eyes never leaving him. He puts a hand on her waist as he reaches around her to hang up his suit, dropping a kiss on her cheek as he takes the clothes in her hand.

If he was less tired, he might have caught the way her eyes linger on the ripple of his body, unable to look away as he changed. He might have seen the flush on her cheeks that she wills away before following him into the bathroom.

His eyes flutter closed as he leans against the sink when they're both brushing their teeth. As he starts to walk back into the bedroom, he remembers something important. 

“Oh!”

“Yes?” Evie mumbles through her toothbrush, her eyes wide through the mirror as he stands close behind her, holding her waist.

“I tried to buy some tea when we were in Arizona. I tried to find the type you have here, but I couldn’t find it. Can you tell me what it’s called?”

“I can give you a box,” she says, standing stock still.

“Oh!” he whispers, “Thanks.”

He drops a kiss on her shoulder before trudging into the bedroom. He means to wait for her to join him, but he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Evie — March 17

Evie has never understood why St Patrick’s Day is so popular in the US, but that doesn’t stop her from agreeing to go out with the girls to celebrate. She revels in the group around her in the crowded club; it’s nice to have a group of friends in Chicago. Six months ago, that would've felt impossible.

Well, technically, she guesses, she has two groups of friends. She sees Kelsey, Leanne, and the others every few days, whether it’s for lunch, dinner, or a night out. 

When Tito’s in town, she’ll join him and the team on the rare occasion that he goes out with them. Lately, she’s also been getting texts from Alandra when the team's traveling, inviting her over for viewing parties. 

It feels weird to sit amongst the wives and girlfriends of the other players, though, so Evie prefers watching at home. Besides, Leanne has really gotten into the sport, so she always has company.

Her friends have been talking about St Patrick’s Day since the New Year’s party, where there was a spirited debate over the merits of house parties and nights out. The Night Out evangelists put together a bar and club crawl that started early in the evening. And Evie can really feel the alcohol in her system as she sways to the music.

Somewhere in her distant memory, she can recall Tito calling her around the second bar they visited. The team had won tonight and were in the mood to celebrate. Tito was high on his two-goal performance and sounded excited to actually go out with the team for once. She was happy for him.

She pulls out her phone— it’s now past midnight— and opens up her text messages.

To Tito 🌞🏒: whre r u?????

“Hey, Genevieve! Don’t be rude! Put your phone away,” Kelsey yells over the thrum of music.

Leanne peaks over her shoulder. “Who’ you textin’?” she slurs.

“Hey,” Evie squeaks, stuffing her phone back in her pockets. “Tito. He’s supposed to come find us.”

“What is it,” someone calls over. Evie’s not quick enough to figure out who.

“Gigi’s texting Tito again,” Leanne sings, making a wild gesture that knocks into a random passerby. “Oops.”

It only takes a second for the wolf whistles to begin.

Evie squeezes her eyes shut and knows precisely what’s in her near future.

Kelsey leans in conspiratorially, “Speaking of— You've got to be tapping that, right? I mean, holy shit. He's so fucking hot. Come on, you’ve got to tell us. What’s he packin’ under there?”

“Guys,” she whines, “We’ve literally been over this—”

“Okay, but like, you’ve got to be fucking right? You can’t have that body around 24/7 and not be hitting it.”

A wave of assent ripples through the group, and Evie feels something settle in her gut. Warm and tight across her lower belly. It makes her feel irritated and on edge.

“No, Leanne, we're not fucking. We hang out, we watch TV, we make and eat food, we sleep. That’s it.” She reaches for one of the shots on their table and slams it down.

“Oooh, she’s a little defensive,” Evie hears someone say.

“Yeah, she has to be so fucking wound up. Seeing all that and not getting any,” Kelsey tries to cover it as a mumble, but her voice is louder than she intends it to be.

“I literally picked up the other week. You were all literally there.” Evie rolls her eyes and glares at her friends. She pointedly has not and will not tell them about how that night ended.

“I guess you’re right,” Leanne says, putting her arm around Evie’s shoulder, “That girl was so fucking hot too. I don’t know how you do it. Well, I mean, I do. You’re hot. They’re hot. It’s just math. Still. Leave some for the rest of us, Jesus.” 

Evie stares at the shots on the table and considers if alcohol poisoning would get her out of this conversation.

Kelsey interrupts her thoughts again, “But wait, wasn’t he on a roadie that night, though? Are you sure you guys are totally cool with each other hooking up with other people?”

Evie sighs and bangs her head on the table. “Guys, you've watched us wingman each other. What the fuck're you on right now?”

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Kelsey looks suitably chastised as she downs her own shot. Evie considers whether she should be cut off but ultimately decides she’s probably fine.

Her thoughts are interrupted again when Kelsey whispers in her ear, “So, like, if I sleep with him, you’d be okay with that.”

Evie feels her teeth clench, and her body stiffen as the room tilts a little. She forces her body to relax. She hasn’t had enough to drink to throw up right now.

“Yeah, have at it, Kels.”

When she looks over, Kelsey isn’t at all convinced, but she doesn’t seem to want to explore the topic any further. Thank God. 

Evie takes a deep breath and takes another shot. 

“Okay,” she says, loud and cheery, “We got another stop on this party tour?”

Leanne pulls out the map, to cheers around the table, everyone moving on quickly. 

“I think Underground’s next. We can go now, what do you think?”

“Uh, yeah! Sounds great! Let’s go!” Evie announces.

As they step onto the curb, her phone rings. When she checks it, her screen is filled with a picture of Tito asleep on her couch, which she has saved as his contact photo. The image melts the remaining tension in her shoulder; she smiles and answers the call.

“Hey Tito, hold on,” she says into her phone before looking up at her friends. “You guys go on without me. I’ll meet you at the next place.”

“Are you sure?” Leanne says.

“Yeah, you guys go on. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Okay.” Leanne gives her a squeeze before walking off with the rest of the group.

Evie pulls her phone back to her ear as she steps under the club's awning, wrapping her coat close to her.

“—lo? Are you still there? Hellloooooo,” she hears Tito’s voice calling.

“Hey, Tito. Sorry, I was just talking to the girls.”

“Oh, hi!” Tito says, way too loud, making her wince.

“Hi to you too, bud,” she laughs, “Maybe not so loud. You almost made me deaf.”

There’s a pause on the other end before she hears Tito whisper dramatically into his phone, “Oh. Sorry. I just got excited. I miss you.”

She laughs again, her cheeks straining with her smile. “That’s okay. Where are you?”

“Um… Hold on.” She hears some muffled noises on the other end of the line. “We're going somewhere else soon. Where are you?”

“That didn't answer my question, " she laughs. “I’m at SpyBar. In River North.”

She hears him repeat her location.

“Tito?”

“Yeah, chouchou! I’m in a cab! I’ll be there in…” She hears him lean away from the phone again and ask the driver how far away he is, first in French and then in English. “Ten minutes.”

“What? Okay?” she says in confusion.

“Don’t move, okay? I’m coming.”

She shakes her head. “Yeah, okay. I might go back inside because it’s freezing out here.”

“Oh, yeah,” his voice coming through bright on her phone, “That’s okay. I’ll find you!”

“No, Tito! Just text me when you get here, and I’ll come out. There’s a line.”

When she hears no response, she looks down to see he has already hung up. “Goddammit,” she says to herself.

Fifteen minutes later, she's standing at a high top in the corner of the room, eyeing her phone, her vision hazy, when a large body comes crashing into her. 

She stumbles in surprise. “Wha—”

Strong hands spin her around.

Her brain registers Tito’s beaming smile for a split second before his lips crash into hers. His hands fly up to cradle her face roughly.

She makes a squeak of surprise, her hands clinging to his arms— were they always this firm— for balance.

Before she can process any of it, Tito leans back. She immediately misses the sensation of his warm lips against hers, and her body sways into him to chase them.

“Hi,” Tito says warmly, his eyes wild and unfocused, the corners of them crinkled in unbridled joy.

“Hi?” She looks up at him. At this moment, it hits her that Leanne and Kelsey are so right. He's probably the most beautiful person she’s ever seen. Her eyes trail down his sharp nose to his soft lips. She likes those lips. They smile.

“I missed you,” the lips say. One of the hands on Evie’s face trails down her neck, causing her to shiver. The other hand tenderly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before resting on her waist.

“You saw me this morning.” Her hands slide from his arms— how are they so big— across his equally firm chest. She can hear her blood rushing in her ears as she feels him solid and warm beneath her fingers. 

“I know,” he murmurs before leaning forward to plant a soft peck on her forehead. She feels more than hears him take a breath in, his shoulders relaxing.

He leans back, his eyes searching her face, but she’s distracted. Her own eyes feel unfocused as they get stuck on his tongue wetting his glistening lips before finally locking onto his crystal-clear eyes. 

Whatever Tito’s looking for, he seems content to have found it when he smiles, and she can’t help but smile back.

The hand on her neck moves so gently she feels every hair on her body stand on end. His thumb moves to brush along her jaw, resting on her chin. He tilts her head back, and her mouth parts with the action, and she feels his chest rumble beneath her palms as he groans.

The second time his lips meet hers, she’s ready for them and she wastes no time. She’s always known they were full— she has eyes— but she can feel every millimeter of their softness against hers. She feels content to just explore his pillowy lips but is interrupted by the way his tongue brushes against her lips, setting a jolt of heat down her spine.

Her hands grab onto his black dress shirt, pulling him impossibly closer and deepening the kiss. She feels crazy with it; the way their tongues slide hot and wet, the way his hands drag reverently over her back, coming to rest on her hips. 

Her fingers are tangled in his soft curls. She gives them a gentle tug, eliciting another deep noise from him that makes the warmth in her stomach grow blazing hot. 

He gently bites her lip in retaliation, surprising a moan out of her. Somewhere in her brain, she notices how broad his hands feel, fingers digging into her hips lightly. 

They both jump when Tito’s phone vibrates between their bodies. He pulls away, a soft smile on his face, before reaching into his pocket.

“The boys are at the Underground, and they’re just wondering where I am.” He rests his forehead against hers.

“Oh! That’s where my friends went, too.” 

“Do you want to go there then?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” she smiles. She can feel her heart beating hard in her chest as the room sways a little around them.

“Okay, then.” He pauses. “Just one more thing before we go.”

“What?”

“Oh, you know, just this.” 

He kisses her briefly. 

“Wait, one more.”

Another kiss.

“Hang on. Okay, last one.”

Another kiss.

“There.”

She's laughing, rolling her eyes as she pushes him out of the club and into the cold Chicago air. The Underground is only a 10-minute walk from where they are, so they decide to walk hand-in-hand, chatting excitedly and laughing. At some point, Tito convinces her that he should give her a piggy-back ride. And that’s what their friends see when they walk up outside the club.

“Hey! Look! It’s Leanne. Oh, and your other friends! Oh! And the boys!” he shouts, attempting to point as he holds onto her calf.

Eventually, he agrees to let her down, but only because the bouncer insists. He doesn’t go far, though. He has an arm around her for the rest of the night, never leaving her side for even a moment until he's putting her in a cab with Leanne, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

“I’m not going to say anything,” Leanne says smugly as the door shuts.

Evie — March 18

The following morning, Evie wakes up with an incredible hangover. She groans as she rubs her eyes, wincing at the open windows. They must've forgotten to pull the blinds last night.

Tito…

She pauses, her head spinning. There’s something there as she freezes, pulling on that fuzzy thread of memory.

It comes back in a flash: wet pillowy lips sliding over hers, soft curly hair in her fingers, a broad palm firm on her waist, a warm callused thumb tracing her jaw, two deep pools of blue holding her gaze so tenderly.

She gasps; her eyes fly open.

Tito.

She looks over at her empty side, where she has grown accustomed to seeing Tito sleeping.

Right, he had to pack for a road trip. A road trip leaving today for the next week. 

Fuck.

He will be back for only two days before he's gone for another week.

Double fuck.

Evie groans, pulls his pillow over her face, and screams into the swirling scents of her own conditioner and his cologne.

Tito — April 1

Tito’s glad he gets a day off in New York before their game against the Islanders. It lets him veg out on Mat’s couch all afternoon and evening— an entire 12 hours where he can pretend last year never happened.

He hates that this is one of only two places where he doesn’t feel like his skin is too tight for his body. At least in this space, he doesn’t have to think about all the calls with his agent about next season. He especially doesn’t have to think about the email in his inbox detailing his flight home on April 21st.

So he just enjoys spending time with Mat, playing video games like old times, and being in each other’s presence. 

He’s glad he gets that time to enjoy blissful ignorance before he's rudely wrenched back into his real life while eating Thai food on Mat’s couch.

“So, any news about the contract situation?” Mat tries to sound casual and falls short by at least a mile.

“No, Barzy. If there was news, you’d know. You’d literally be like the first person I’d tell.” 

Mat studies his face, and he must find something there because he shrugs.

“First person still, eh?” Mat’s face lights up in a cheeky smirk. “You sure? Are you sure I wouldn’t be the second? You think you’d call me before you’d call Evie.” 

He says her name in a sing-songy voice, making Tito roll his eyes. Mat has gotten so much worse in his teasing about Evie since they met on FaceTime; Mat had loudly— embarrassingly— said, “You said she was hot; you didn’t tell me she was this gorgeous.” They apparently text now, too.

Tito heaves a heavy sigh and rolls his eyes. “Actually, you’re right. I’d probably call my dad first.”

Unfortunately, the glint has not left Mat’s eyes, which tells Tito he has found something to latch on to and has no intention of stopping anytime soon.

“So,” Mat says, casually chewing on his Pad Thai. “How’s Evie?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself? You guys text now, don’t you?”

“You jealous, bud?”

Tito levels him with an unimpressed look. “Why would I be jealous? I literally see her every day.”

“Every day, eh?” Mat nods dramatically. “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” 

Tito swears internally. How does Mat always do this? “Yes. I see my new best friend every day.”

Mat squawks so loud that Tito almost drops his green curry and points at him accusingly with his chopsticks. “What?! I told you that she was replacing me. Nah-uh, man. I am your best friend. And I will fight her. I will fly to Chicago right now and fight her.”

Tito chews smugly. “You’re going to travel. On a plane. To fist-fight a girl? Why don’t you take that energy onto the ice instead of all the yapping, eh?”

“Oh fuck you, Beau,” he spits, with no heat behind it. He eats his dinner, thinking for a bit before adding, “No ice talk in Barzy-Beau time.”

They eat their dinner in silence for a few seconds before Mat pipes up again, sighing dramatically, “I can’t believe you’ve fucking replaced me already. It’s been one year. All those years of work, down the drain. Did me helping you when you broke your arm in U-18 dev camp mean nothing to you?”

“Barz, this is why they call you a bitch baby.” Tito laughs again when he's rewarded with another squawk. 

“No one calls me that!” he whines.

“Sure, bud.” Tito bumps his shoulder into Mat’s, smiling as Mat continues to rant while they finish their food. 

After putting the empty take-out containers onto Mat’s coffee table, he flops back onto the couch with the controller.

“Okay, so you don’t want to talk about Evie,” Mat says, a few seconds into the NHL 24 game they’re playing.

“Not really, no.”

“Okay, so, like, any other hotties in Chicago?”

Flashes of Evie cross his mind, unprompted. He tries to think of literally any of the other girls he’s been with ever, but they all get replaced by her: the warm glint in her dark chocolate eyes, the buttery soft skin of her calf beneath his hands when they’re on the couch, or the way her smile makes his chest loosen even on the worst days.

And the hot slide of her lips against his.

Tito’s thumb slips, and his avatar misses the goal. 

“Fuck! Uh, not really? I mean, I went out a bit earlier in the season, but I’m just so fucking exhausted now.”

Mat hums. “Sure, yeah. Anyone good enough you’d wanna see again?”

Tito’s traitorous mind can only supply the blurry flashes of Evie’s body pressed against his with the thrumming bass of club music in the background. The sensation of her hands curled in his hair. The little gasp-moan she made when he bit her lip. The way his fingers could span her entire waist.

He swallows hard, pushing those memories back down. “Come on, man. You know I never tell.”

Mat laughs softly. “Yeah, I know. Still worth a try, though.”

“You’re disgusting, man.”

Mat shrugs, feigning indifference. Tito bumps him hard with his shoulder.

“Hey!” he yells, elbowing Tito back, “That’s fucking interference.”

“What're you gonna do about it? Fight me?”

The conversation and the game devolve from there.

Later in the evening, Mat stands up to clean off the take-out boxes, an honest hallmark of growing up. 

“You want anything to drink?” he asks from the kitchen.

Tito pauses and thinks, “Yeah, uh… Do you have any tea?”

There’s a silence in the kitchen before Mat appears in the doorway. 

“Tea?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah? Leaves plus hot water? Leaf juice? I’m sure you’ve heard of it,” Tito smirks.

“Shut up,” Mat rolls his eyes, “Since when do you drink tea.”

“Since always? What’s it to you?”

Mat stares at him for an extended moment, brows furrowed, before walking back into the kitchen without another word.

“Um, Barz?” Tito calls after him, following him into the kitchen.

He sees Mat bent over, rummaging through his drawers loudly before turning around and throwing a tea bag at Tito. 

“Here. You know where stuff is.” Mat walks past him back to the living room.

Tito stands for a second, confused, before following. “Dude, what the fuck was that?”

When Mat turns around, Tito's floored because Mat looks genuinely angry.

“Why are you lying to me?” Mat challenges, not a trace of his signature smirk on his face.

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Tito stares at him blankly before shaking his head.

“Are you fucking serious right now, Beauvillier?” He pauses to assess Tito’s face. “Tea! Tea. You drink tea now? I've known you ten fucking years; I've seen you drink tea maybe three times.”

“Oh, come on, I drank tea.”

“No, you didn’t! But that is so not the fucking point, and you know it.” Mat walks back to him and pokes him hard in the chest. “So, tell me, why are you lying to me?”

Tito sighs and rubs his hands over his face, and when he opens his mouth to speak again, his voice comes out strained, “I’m not lying Mat. I swear.”

He feels Mat poke him again, gentler this time. “Okay. Fine. But if you’re not lying to me, then you're lying to yourself.”

“I— There’s—” Tito stammers, unable to form a coherent sentence, a panic setting into his chest.

Mat looks at him, and his expression softens before sighing, “Look, Beau. Tell me honestly. Where the fuck did you go when I asked you if you were seeing someone?”

His mind unhelpfully flashes him the image of Evie waking up next to him in the morning, sleep rumpled and utterly breathtaking. She makes a little squeak when she stretches, right as her eyes flutter open, and before she smiles at him. Tito’s always been an early riser, but even if he wasn’t, it’d been worth it just to see that every morning.

“Yes! See? That! Where the fuck did you just go?”

“I—” Tito takes a deep breath and fights through the tightness in his chest. “I can’t. I can’t, Mat.”

“Beau—”

“You know I can’t. She— I’m leaving Chicago in three weeks, Mat. I don’t know if I’m even going back to Chicago. I have no idea where I’m going to be next year.” He takes a shaking breath and looks past Mat’s shoulder and out of the living window.

“Beau— Tito, what are you talking about?” Mat asks gently.

“Barz, I know. Okay? I know. I know that I'm absolutely fucked. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t— I won’t do that to her. I've been in three different cities in the past year. Three different teams.” He fights through the wobble in his voice, barely above a whisper. “You don’t know what it’s like to— You just don’t know what it’s like.”

“Tito, fucking talk to me, man. Please. Just word vomit. Get it all out. Like when you make yourself throw up when you’ve drunk too much. It sucks in the moment, but you’ll feel better after.”

Tito sinks heavily into the armchair next to the couch and buries his face in his hands. “It’s just… One day, a team's your life. You’re asked to give everything to that team. And you’re happy to. Because it’s your team. Those are your boys. It’s like who you are. Anthony Beauvillier, a New York Islander. Right? 

“And then the next day, out of absolutely fucking nowhere, you’re just not that anymore. You’re now on a new team in a new city with new teammates and new support staff. Everything's different. But you’re supposed to act like everything's fine, and you have to slot right in, in this strange new place with strange new people, and be just as committed to this strange new team as you were to the old one. And pretend like the last few years of your life never even happened.

“So you do it. And you do it with a smile on your face and a positive mindset, or whatever. You power through until you make new friends, have new favorite spots to eat, and, just like, new everything. And you think, fuck, okay, this’ll be fine. You’re smiling more for real now instead of just because that’s what people expect from you. 

“And then, one day, you’re eating breakfast and you get a call from your agent. And it’s happening all over again.” His voice breaks. “And I just have a feeling that this is just what my career is going to be like Mat.”

“No—” he hears Mat’s pained voice coming from next to him.

“No, it’s okay, Barz. Look, I’m really happy for you, and I love seeing you fucking killing it out there. And being an All-Star and all that. But that’s not me. And that’s fine, too. I’m doing fine. I promise. But I can’t fucking do that to someone— to her. Even if she feels the— I can’t ask her to do this fucking circus show with me, just ripping her from her home every however many months. Just being a little scared every single time the phone rings that it’s going to be that call again. I can’t—”

Tito presses the heels of his hands against his eyes hard, willing himself not to cry. He hears Mat shuffle around to hug him firmly and tries to breathe through the tightness constricting his chest.

“I’m sorry, Beau. I really am. I wish it didn’t have to be you. I wish you could stay— could've stayed.” Mat sounds like he might be crying a little, too.

“It’s okay. It’s gotta be someone, I guess.” He shrugs, wiping his hands from his eyes and running his fingers through his slightly messed-up hair. “It’s so fucking stupid because I still feel really fucking lucky to play in the show. Like this was the dream. You know that. I’m living my fucking dream. And I knew this was part of the deal. So I’m okay with it, but I can’t ask her to do this shit with me. She deserves better than this. And I’m really grateful she’s even just my friend at all. I’ll be okay with it staying that way. It doesn’t matter what I— It doesn’t matter.”

Mat gives him a final squeeze before letting him go and sitting back on the edge of the couch. “Have you thought about talking to Evie about this? Like, I think she should know.”

Tito shakes his head, staring at his damp hands. “No… I don’t know… Maybe… I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“Well, I think it would be good to start with how you definitely want to marry her and have her babies because you’re an idiot who drinks tea now.”

Tito chortles and shoves Mat in the shoulders hard; he falls dramatically backward into the couch. “I’m not fucking saying that, Mathew.”

“Which part, eh?” Mat winks and wiggles his eyebrows.

Tito takes the pillow behind him and pelts it at Mat’s head. “Any of it, you dumb fuck,” he yells before they both burst out laughing.

When they finally calm down, Mat says, “For what it’s worth, she’s definitely into you too. Anyone who voluntarily spends that much time with you has to be mesmerized by something. Might be just the abs, but it could also be your personality.”

“God, I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. You love me,” Mat beams at him, a smug grin stretched across his whole face.

“Urgh, fine. I do, Mat-Mat. Worst fucking choice ever. Should never have spoken to you at camp,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah? And what would you do without me?” Mat says in an exaggerated sing-song voice. He nudges Tito’s calf with his foot before standing up, “Come on, let’s make you that fucking tea.”

“I can’t believe you yelled at me over tea.” Tito stands up, following Mat to the kitchen again.

“I did not yell at you about tea. I yelled at you because you were being so fucking stupid, and it was pissing me off.”

“Do you even have a kettle?”

Mat throws him an unimpressed look, “No, I obviously don’t have a kettle. I was going to microwave it. God, she’s made you into a snob.”

“It's not snobby to make your tea at the right temperature.” Mat raises his eyebrows, and Tito laughs, “Okay, maybe. She’s right, though. Something about brewing temperature.”

“Whipped,” Mat mutters under his breath, causing Tito to hit him with a dishtowel.

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[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD and Med: Season 0: The Backstory (A Halstead! Brothers + Halstead Sister! imagine)

Hey, I had an idea to pick episodes from every season of PD and Med and write them as if Will and Jay had a younger sister involved. This is the first installment and it will deal with some big things in Jay and Will's young adult years and Y/N's childhood years! Stay tuned for the next update which is season 1 of PD (I'm not gonna say what ep it is yet because I want you guys to be surprised.) I just made up a name for Mama Halstead since she hasn't been named in the show...I'm still waiting on that crumb that the writers neglected to add.

Anyway, enough of the long note, enjoy!

Will's age: 20

Jay's age: 18

Your age: 4

"Dad, I'm leaving tomorrow! It's not like I can change it now!" Jay yelled at his father as he paced the living room, his mom and dad sitting on the couch. His mom was trying to calm his dad, but that wasn't working very well.

"Both of you, keep your voice down," Amelia Halstead hissed at her husband and youngest son. "Y/N's sleeping. And if either of you wakes her up, there will be hell to pay tomorrow."

"Sh- Crap," Jay fixed his language quickly, knowing that he shouldn't swear around his parents. "Y/N."

Amelia's eyes went wide. "Jayson Halstead! You haven't told her yet? You said you wanted to be the one to tell her!"

"He won't have to tell her anything if he doesn't go," Pat Halstead shrugged.

"Patrick." Amelia gave Pat a warning look. "He's his own person and as much as we both hate it, he's an adult in the eyes of the law and can make his own decisions. One of which is whether or not he wants to join the military."

"I just think he should go out and get a real job. Why is it that none of my sons want to do that? Will wants to become a doctor and waste God knows how much time and money in school and this one wants to go and get himself killed. And for what? Because you want to play with guns?"

"Dad," Jay groaned. "We've been over this. I want to help protect people and I want to do that somewhere outside the country because there are others over there who really need it. Also, I like the adrenaline rush."

"Jay, not the time," Amelia scolded in reference to the last part.

"Sorry, Mom," Jay mumbled.

"I'm still not okay with this, no matter your reasoning. I don't need you to come home in a coffin!" Pat yelled.

You heard the booming voice of your dad down the hallway and jumped awake. Why was he yelling? Shouldn't he be sleeping just like you had been? But, maybe he was just yelling at the Blackhawks game as he did that often. Maybe if you got up he'd give you some juice. Your mom was always strict about no sugar before--or during--bedtime, but your brothers and your dad were a lot more easygoing.

So, you slid out of bed and walked down the hallway, excited to see if you'd be able to get some grape juice in your favorite princess cup. You clutched your Build-A-Bear in your hand, which was also dressed in pajamas, as it was bedtime, and walked down the hall. But, you stopped short when you heard that Jay was yelling as well.

"I'm leaving tomorrow and there's nothing you can do about it, Dad! If you hate it so much, feel free to stay home when we all go to the airport!"

Jay was leaving? Did he have another seven-sleep-long soccer camp? He always had those in the summer. And, when you went to his games with your mom when the leaves changed, he scored lots of goals.

"Jay wait--"

"Mom, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Jay got halfway down the hall before he saw you.

"Hey, what are you doing up? Isn't it way past your bedtime?" Jay asked, his voice softening as he crouched down in front of you.

Your lower lip started to tremble and you pulled your Build-A-Bear, who you had affectionately named Beary, close to your chest. "You go to soccer for lots of sleeps again, Jay Jay?"

Jay sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Of course, you had heard him say he was leaving. And of course, the only thing you had to compare it to was him leaving for his soccer camps which he always went to at the end of July.

"What's the biggest number you can count to?" he asked, trying to sound excited.

"Um...um...um," you furrowed your eyebrows, trying to remember what you had learned at daycare. "Ten," you finally answered.

"I'm gonna be gone a long time," he told you.

"So, ten sleeps?" Ten was a long time. It had two numbers!

"Longer than that." He placed a hand on your shoulder and went to hug you because he saw the tears in your eyes, but you ran away from him. "Y/N, wait--"

"Mommy!" you yelled as you ran into the living room as fast as your little legs could carry you.

Amelia Halstead jumped up from her place on the couch. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" She crouched down and then picked you up.

"Jay Jay," you hiccupped as tears rolled down your face. "Jay Jay leaving for more than ten sleeps! He not my favowite broder anymore!" you wailed.

The door opened, revealing Will who had just returned from the library since he was taking some summer classes. "What am I, kiddo? Chopped liver?"

"Will my favowite now."

Will put his backpack in his room and then entered Jay's, who was sitting on his bed with what looked like a new outfit for your Build-A-Bear right next to him.

"So, I'm assuming you told her?" Will asked after he had sat down next to his younger brother.

"Yeah. And she hates me now, so there's that."

"Nah, she's just confused. She's four, Jay."

"I know that."

"Did you tell her why you're leaving? Where you're going?"

"No. When I told her I'd be gone for more than ten sleeps she started to cry and then ran to Mom. I made her cry, Will. You're the only one who's supposed to do that."

"Hey," Will smacked Jay upside the head. "I stole her bear once and I'm forever dubbed the horrible brother, yeah okay."

Jay laughed. "I mean, it's true, though. She hated you and cried for hours until you came home and gave it to her because you hid it in your car."

"I agree. It was a dick move." Will picked up the bear outfit. "What's this?"

"I got her a military outfit for her bear. Figured maybe it'd help her feel like I'm not so far away. And, it wouldn't freak her out when she sees me in my uniform tomorrow."

Jay and Will looked up at the sound of his door being opened. "Someone wanted to see you," their mom said, still holding you in her arms. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

You nodded. "Down peas," you said, trying your best to say please.

The minute you were safely on the floor, you ran to Jay's bed and hauled yourself up all by yourself. "I sowwy," you told your big brother.

"It's okay. But you know what will make me feel better?" you shook your head no. "A hug."

"Okay!" you jumped into Jay's lap and hugged him, unknowingly jumping somewhere that hurt him, causing him to grimace and Will to burst out laughing. After a warning glance from your mom though, Will stopped.

Once Jay regained his composure, he grabbed the bear outfit from next to him. "I have a present for you."

You pulled away from him and looked at him expectantly. "Weally? But I was mean."

"I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you."

You had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded anyway.

"You know how the good guys fight the bad guys?" Jay started. You nodded. "I'm leaving to fight some really bad guys."

"So you a good guy?"

"Yes," he chuckled. "And I wear something that looks like this. So, I thought maybe Beary would like his own. That way, you know that me and him are both the good guys and when I'm gone, he'll fight off all the bad guys in your bad dreams."

"Beary can fight da bad guys?"

"Yes, it's because he has this. He can even just wear the hat and be fighting bad guys."

He handed you the camo shirt, pants, and hat for your bear.

"You not wearing dis," you told him.

Now it was your mom's turn to butt in. "It's because he's sleepy. He doesn't wear it to sleep. But, he'll wear it tomorrow and Beary and Jay will match."

"Beary match Jay Jay 'morrow?" you asked, looking up at your mom expectantly.

"Yes. And they'll match faster if both you and Beary go to sleep."

"Weally?"

"Really. Now, how about we go to sleep and you can put Beary's new outfit on tomorrow?"

"Okay. Night night, Will. Night night, Jay Jay."

Once your mom had taken you out of the room, Will spoke up. "Damn, now I'm gonna have to get that bear a white coat once I graduate from med school just to one-up you."

"His name's Beary," Jay told him.

Will rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'm gonna have to get Beary a white coat when I graduate from med school. Happy now, little brother?"

"Beary happy."

***

You, your mom, dad, and Will all walked into the airport to say goodbye to Jay before he boarded his flight. Beary was dressed in his camo, but you hadn't seen Jay dressed in his yet as he had left early to say goodbye to Allie and some other friends before you had gotten the chance to see him this morning.

"Look, there's Jay," your mom said, trying to be as happy as she could so that you wouldn't get sad. But, on the inside, her heart was breaking. But, once again, this is what her son wanted to do, so she wouldn't stop him.

"Hey guys," he said as he walked up to you, again, trying to be as happy as he could. But, since you couldn't really read the tone yet, you missed the nervousness in his voice.

"You and Beary match!"

"I told you we would! Would I ever lie to you?"

You shook your head no. You trusted both your big brothers to always tell you the truth.

"C'mere." Will was the first one to give Jay a hug. "I'm gonna miss your annoying--" Will leaned in to whisper in Jay's ear, knowing that if his mom heard him swear around you, he'd never hear the end of it. "--ass."

"I'll miss you, too. And all that annoying school talk you do. Dad?"

He turned to his dad and he hugged him, shocking both Jay and Will. "Stay safe out there, son."

"I will."

"Mom, please don't cry," Jay said as he turned to your mom, who was still holding you in her arms.

"I just love you so much. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Mom," he said as he swallowed a lump in his throat and hugged her. "I love you, too."

He pulled away and then looked at you. "And you, I am gonna miss you the most."

"Weally?"

"Yes, don't tell Will, but you're my favorite."

"Mommy! I'm Jay Jay's favowite."

"Flight 51163 now boarding."

"I gotta go. But, remember what I told you, okay? Beary will always fight your bad dreams for you because he has his own uniform now."

"Just like you?"

Jay nodded. "Now, can Mommy put you down so I can get a big Y/N hug?"

Your mom set you on the ground and Jay crouched down to your level and enveloped you in a hug. "I gotta go," he said as he pulled away. "Be good for Mommy and Daddy."

"I will. I love you Jay Jay."

"I love you, too." He stood up and looked at the rest of his family. "All of you."

He turned and started to walk away. More than ten sleeps is too long! And, before your mom could pick you back up, you ran towards him, dropping Beary in the process.

"No no no Jay Jay, peas stay!" you yelled.

Jay's head whipped around just as you attached yourself his leg with tears running down your face.

"Y/N, Jay's gonna be home before you know it," your mom said.

"But- But I don't want Jay Jay leave. I want Jay Jay home!"

"I know, I know. But remember what he told you last night? He's gotta get all the bad guys. And, you want him to get all the bad guys, don't you?"

"You pwomise to get all da bad guys, Jay Jay?" you asked, still holding onto his leg.

"I promise."

Your mom reached down to grab you and then lifted you up into her arms.

Another guy wearing the same clothes as Jay came up to you. "Is this yours?" he asked you.

"Beary! I dropped Beary, Mommy!" you exclaimed as you reached out and took your bear from him.

"I see that. Now, what do you say?"

"Tank you!"

"You're welcome," he said.

Then, you waved goodbye as your mom walked away with you and returned to Will and your dad. All the while, you clutched Beary, making sure he didn't fall out of your grasp again.

"Kid sister?" the guy who handed you Beary back asked Jay.

"Yeah, she's four. Doesn't really get what's going on. Thanks for giving that back. She would've gone crazy if she got in the car and it wasn't there," Jay answered. "I'm Jay Halstead by the way."

"Greg Gerwitz," he replied. "But everyone calls me Mouse."

***

Will's age: 22

Jay's age: 20

Your age: 6

"Mom is gonna be shocked, man," Will said to Jay as he parked his car in the driveway. "I just hope she doesn't me kill for keeping it a secret from her."

"I think that'll be the last thing on her mind when she sees me. Now, you said that her and Y/N are leaving at 8:15, right?"

"Yeah, so you better go stand outside my car now because it's 8:14."

Meanwhile, inside you ran back down the hallway to your room. "Y/N!" Your mom shouted after you. "We have to go! You don't want to be late on your first day of kindergarten, do you?"

You ran to your room and then grabbed Beary. You had changed him back into his military uniform outfit--or, what you called Jay Jay's clothes--earlier this morning. It was the only thing Beary wore during the day since Jay's been gone. You'd put him into his pajamas at night and then right back into the military uniform outfit when you woke up.

"I'm back, Mama! Beary's coming to school with me!"

"That reminds me," she pulled out a small toy backpack from behind her back. "Beary can't go to school without a backpack now, can he?"

"No, Mommy! Thank you!" you quickly put the red backpack on Beary's back and then your mom took a picture.

Then, you and your mom stepped out the front door.

Jay and Will were both leaning against Will's car. Tears came to Jay's eyes when he saw that your bear was still in that military outfit he'd gotten you two years ago before he left for basic training and then for Afghanistan.

Through a rushed phone call a few months ago, Jay had asked Will when your first day of school was. He didn't want to miss it, being the good big brother he was. So, once he had a date, he went on a mission to get himself off his tour one week early. Somehow, he was successful. Then, he coordinated with Will about what time his flight was landing in Chicago and he'd picked him up. The two brothers spent the night at a hotel--Will saying he was staying at a friend's house--and then driven home that morning.

You were having a very intense conversation with your mom about what you hoped kindergarten would be like when she stopped in her tracks and put her hand over her mouth.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" you asked, looking up at her with wide eyes.

"Hi, Mom."

You knew that voice. But, usually, it only came through the phone and your mom wasn't holding the phone right now.

You looked away from your mom and towards the sound of footsteps.

There, right in front of you, was your big brother in his military uniform that matched Beary's.

"Jay Jay!" you yelled and sprinted towards him.

"There's my favorite kindergartner!" Jay exclaimed when he picked you up. "Did you miss me?"

"I missed you this much!" You spread your arms out as far as they could go.

"Really?" You nodded your head. "You missed me a lot, huh? Well, I missed you more!"

"Did you get the bad guys?"

Jay swallowed, images from his deployment and having people bleed out in front of him coming to the forefront of his mind. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, Y/N. I got all the bad guys."

"Good!"

"How did you- How did you both do this?" your mom choked out, in tears.

"Mommy, don't cry," you told her, still in Jay's arms. "Jay Jay's home, be happy."

"I am happy, baby. These are happy tears. But how did you do this? I thought you weren't supposed to be home for another week, Jay!"

"Me and Will talked about it. I found out when Y/N's first day of school was, and the rest just fell into place. I couldn't miss walking my favorite sister to her first day at big kid school, now could I?" he asked, tickling your stomach, causing you to giggle.

"No, stop! Jay Jay stop!" you giggled and he set you back down on the ground.

"How about you walk to school with us and then the three of us go out for breakfast?" your mom suggested.

"What about me?" you asked, looking up at your mom. "Can I come?"

"You'll be in school, honey. And, remember what I said you'd get after school?"

"A donut!" you exclaimed.

"Wow! Someone's lucky!" Jay said, overexaggerating it.

"Make sure you tell them it was your first day of school, Y/N," Will started, "because I know they'll be sure to put extra sprinkles on it."

"Mommy! I get extra sprinkles!"

"So, I heard. But, we better get going, we don't want to be late."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Mom," Will started, "But I gotta start heading back to New York."

"Med school can't wait another day, huh?" Jay asked.

"I've already missed one lecture, but it was on the ethics and implications of not respecting a DNR...which is common sense in the medical world. But, I don't think I can afford to miss anymore. Sorry guys."

"You'll be back soon though, right?" you asked.

"Yup, I'll be back for Thanksgiving. A lot faster than Jay got back."

"Okay!" you exclaimed. Then, you grabbed your mom's hand and Jay's and walked to school in the middle of them, excited to have your big brother who fought the bad guys back home.

***

Will's age: 25

Jay's age: 23

Your age: 9

It's been three years since Jay's first tour ended, and he was currently overseas on his second tour. You were in third grade now, so you enjoyed getting to write letters to him and tell him all about school. You'd also send some to Will in New York so that he didn't feel left out. And, Will would send you these super cool things called postcards with pictures of different places in New York on them!

Overseas in Afghanistan, all hell had broken loose. Jay and Mouse were in the same unit again, which was great, but what wasn't so great was what happened with his Humvee. The Humvee had hit an IED and left Jay and Mouse as the only two survivors. Jay was trying to do his job the best he could, but he wasn't sleeping, the images of that day etched in his mind and always there, even when his eyes were closed.

In the northeastern part of the US, Will was procrastinating all his homework--but somehow still turning it in on time and doing well on exams--while he worked long, unpaid hours at a hospital, learning everything there was to know about treating patients and performing surgery. He was also partying a lot in his spare time. He had seen one of his professors, Yates, at a party, so that was weird and freaked him out. A grown man partying with his students? Why? But, Will had more important things going on to worry about than why the hell one of his professors was at a big ass house party.

Back at home, your mom was crying and you had asked her what was wrong, but she told you not to worry about it. Despite that, you were worried. You had never seen your mom cry like this. She didn't even cry this much when Jay and Will left!

"Mom?" you asked when you got home from school to see her sitting at the kitchen table crying.

She frantically wiped away her tears to try and play off that nothing was wrong. You looked down at the stack of papers in front of her and noticed that one said something about a will. There wasn't an "a" in front of Will's name! He was just Will!

"Mom! They messed up Will's name! See? I'll fix it!" You picked up the pen next to you and uncapped it.

"No!" your mom yelled.

"Why? It's wrong."

"I'm sorry,  baby. These are just really important papers that you can't write on, okay? They're adult papers."

"Will and Jay are adults?" you asked, your eyes going wide. No, they weren't; your mom still called them her baby boys.

"They are!" She laughed at your expression.

"When will I be an adult?"

"You've got nine years yet, baby. You have to wait until you're-- until you're eighteen," she stuttered, trying not to get choked up as she realized that she probably wouldn't be here when you turned eighteen. If the doctors were right, she wouldn't even be here for your tenth birthday.

"Mom, why are you crying?" You sat in the kitchen chair next to her and looked up at her with curiosity in your eyes.

Now was as good a time as any, your mom thought to herself. Both Will and Jay knew and Jay said he'd be home any time now since he had been honorably discharged between the Humvee and IED incident and your mom getting sick.

"Sweetie, mom's really sick," she told you.

You cocked your head to the side. "So, you just need to go to the hospital or get Will to fix you up."

"I wish it were that simple, baby. But, the sickness is way inside my body and is moving around too much to have Will fix it."

"But can't they go inside with those fancy tools that Jay's scared of?"

"It's not as simple as going in with a few needles, baby."

"But what about that yucky stuff you give me?" you asked, referring to the grape flavored medicine.

You heard the door open. "The important thing is that I'm okay right now. I'll just be a little tired and we might have to go to the hospital soon."

"Mom? You here?"

"Jay!" you yelled and ran to the living room, the emotional talk with your mom long forgotten the moment you heard your older brother's voice.

"Y/N!" Jay yelled, matching your enthusiasm as he crouched down and opened his arms wide.

"I missed you!" you told him as you squeezed him tightly.

"I missed you, too! Now, is Mom here?" he asked as he stood back up.

You grabbed his hand. "She's here. Did you know she's sick, Jay?"

You led him to the kitchen, where your mom was still sitting at the table.

Jay glanced over at the paper sitting in front of your mom. He swallowed as it all quickly became real for him.

His mom was dying and he was home. But, his older brother wasn't. Will was off partying while their mom was dying.

***

"No, chocolate's better than vanilla," you argued as you and Jay both walked the short walk home holding your ice cream cones.

"No, vanilla's better. You're just a weirdo. Now, how about you eat your ice cream before it melts and drips on you and you get all sticky?"

It was the first day of May and Jay had been home since February. Your mom's condition was rapidly deteriorating as the cancer spread throughout her body. You had noticed she had been more tired than usual and that your dad hadn't been as excited to watch you at soccer practice. He didn't even want to come with you and Jay when you went to the ice cream shop today. It was opening day for the season, and it was a Halstead tradition that the whole family go get ice cream together. And, Jay wasn't going to let his dad wreck that for you, so he took you.

Jay had finished his ice cream and you were at the bottom of your cone when you walked up the front porch steps.

"You're just going to give up, Amelia? You do know that's what this is right?"

Luckily for you, you were so focused on finishing your ice cream, that you didn't hear the yelling between your mom and dad right away. But, Jay did.

"Hey, Y/N?" you looked up from your cone at your older brother.  "How about you go grab your soccer ball from the garage and I'll get some water bottles and we can go to the park and practice for your game on Saturday, how does that sound?"

"So I can get better at stealing the ball from the other team?" you asked.

"Yup. Now, let's hurry up, okay?"

"Okay!"

As soon as your back was turned and you ran off to the garage in search of your soccer ball, Jay entered the house.

"Pat, that's not what this is and you know it!" Amelia argued, using what little strength she had after chemo to stand up.

"Then what is it?" Pat roared.

"I don't want Y/N to see me deteriorate!"

Jay rushed into his parents' bedroom. His mom was clutching the bedpost as if her life depended on it.

"Mom," he started, causing both his parents to focus their attention on him. "How about you sit down? You're tired."

"Jay, will you get me the phone please?" she asked, still standing.

"Amelia, you are not making that call!"

"It is my life! You are not taking this last big decision away from me!" Her voice softened. "Jay, sweetheart, the phone please."

"What's going on?"

"Your mom wanting to stay at the hospital is what's going on," Pat spat.

"Mom, no. You- you can't. Stay here. Please," he begged. He knew this was the last straw. Staying in the hospital likely meant she'd die there. She only had a limited time left. And, he wanted her to be here, at home with him. He had missed so much when he was away in Afghanistan. He just wanted more time of her staying home, of them being a normal family, despite her battling cancer with all her might.

"It'll be better for me there, Jay. They can give me painkillers and probably other things to help me feel better."

Jay hated it, but his mom was right. It probably was what was best for her.

"Okay, I'll get you the phone."

He walked into the kitchen to grab the phone and walked back to the bedroom to give it to his mom.

He reached out his hand to hand it to her, but it hit the floor with a thud.

"Dad! What the hell?" Jay yelled.

"You know what! She's staying here, Jayson!"

"Last I checked, it was mom's decision, not yours! And, she said she wants to go to the hospital! Respect that!"

"Like you and her respected what I had to say when you wanted to leave for the army? You didn't respect what I had to say then, so why should I respect what she's saying now?"

"Because she's your wife and she's dying!" Jay yelled. "You're stressing her out and stress is bad for her."

He picked up the phone and went to hand it to his mom. She took it.

Pat reached out his hand, but Jay stopped him. "You touch her or that phone, and I will lay you out where you stand. It's mom's decision."

"You'd really hit your old man?"

"Try me."

There was silence for a moment before Pat turned. "I'm going for a drive. I'll be back later."

"You didn't have to do that, you know," Amelia said to her son once Pat was out of the room.

"You did the same thing for me when I left to go to the army. You respected my decisions, so I'm respecting yours, Mom."

"When did you grow up so much?" A tear rolled down her cheek.

Jay sat down next to her. "Army will do that to you."

"Jay? You ready?" Jay heard you call for him.

"I'll be right there, Y/N!" he hollered back. Then, he turned back to his mom. "I was gonna take Y/N to the park, but I can stay here if you want me to?"

"No, go, Jay. You're a good brother. Promise me you'll watch over her when I'm gone?"

"Mom don't say--"

"Promise me. She needs you, both you and Will to look out for her. Who knows how your dad will get through all this. She needs her big brothers."

"I promise, Mom."

"Jay?" he heard you yell for him from outside.

"Be right there!" he yelled back.

After grabbing and filling up two water bottles, he walked outside to be met with your puzzled face. "What's wrong?"

"Why'd dad leave?" you asked, holding the soccer ball under your arm.

"Uh," Jay faltered. No way in hell was he going to be the one to explain this to you. Him leaving for the military, yeah, he could explain that one. But your guys' mom dying and telling you that she was going to the hospital because the end was near? Yeah, not gonna happen. He'd leave that to someone else...someone that was not him. "He's running a few errands," Jay answered.

"Oh, okay. Can Ben come to the park with us, too?" you asked.

Ben was your best friend and also your neighbor. Jay had dated his older sister before he left to fight the bad guys far away. Sometimes, when Jay had to babysit you, Allie would come over and bring Ben. And then, you'd get lots and lots of candy and get to watch movies for a bit. And, they'd promise you both Mcdonald's if neither you nor Ben said that Allie had come over. It always worked. You didn't know what the two teenagers were doing, but all you knew was that you got french fries and candy out of it, so both you and Ben had kept your mouths shut...despite it being against both your parents' rules to have a boyfriend or girlfriend over when they weren't home.

"You know what, I think that's a great idea," Jay answered. And then, you made your way to the Corson's and then to the park, thinking nothing of it.

***

Jay was sitting in the hospital room, clutching his mother's hand, just wondering how his life had turned out like this. Will was almost to the hospital; he'd gotten a last-minute flight from New York to Chicago, knowing that that would be faster than driving. Your dad was picking you up from school an hour early on a Friday. But right now, right now Jay was alone. And his mom, well she was still here, but he knew it wouldn't be for long. He knew that she was sleeping right now, and he wanted that for her because at least she wouldn't be awake to feel the pain of death, but at the same time, God, he wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to wake up so bad. He wanted to tell her that she was the best mom in the world. He wanted to tell her that he should never have had gone to Afghanistan, that maybe Dad was right, maybe he should've stayed in the States. Maybe he should've stayed in Chicago. He should've stayed home, just so that he could have had those three missed years with his mom. So that there could've been those extra two years before Will went to med school where the five of the Halsteads would be a real family. Because, in a matter of hours, hell in a matter of minutes, the Halsteads would dwindle down to a family of four forever. And, then, when Will left to go back to New York, it would dwindle down to three, at least for the time being.

Damn it. He just wanted more time. More time with his mom. He'd give anything for just a little more time.

"Jay! Jay! How is she?" Will burst into the quiet hospital room looking more worse for wear than normal. He had just gotten off an eighteen-hour shift of his med school rotation when he had gotten the call from his dad to get to Chicago as soon as possible. He found the first available flight--not caring about cost--and left, not even glancing at the clothes he threw in a duffle bag.

"Shhh!" Jay hissed at his older brother. "She's sleeping. And, shouldn't you know from your fancy schooling that as long as those monitors are still beeping, that she's still alive? Or did you just get too drunk and not even study and leave me to deal with dad and a very distraught and scared Y/N?"

"Man, you know I stopped doing that once I started working long shifts at the hospital!" Will whisper-yelled, trying to keep his voice down.

Jay sighed. "I'm sorry. We can deal with this later."

"You said Y/N's scared. What's she actually doing?"

Jay swallowed, trying to hold back the tears of what you'd been asking him those last two and a half weeks. "Um, every morning when she wakes up, she asks me if Mom went to heaven when she's sleeping. And then- And then before she leaves for school, she tells me to tell Mom she loves her if I go to see her."

Will rubbed a hand down his face. He didn't know what to say. He knew he should've been in Chicago for his little brother and sister, but he hadn't been. And, he couldn't change the past now. And, he knew he couldn't stay in Chicago after the funeral. It was no use telling Jay and you that he could stay; it'd just be an empty promise.

"William," Amelia's hoarse and groggy voice broke through the silence.

Will rushed to the opposite side of the bed to grab his mom's hand, the one that had the pulse-ox on it. "Mom, I'm here. I'm here."

"I need to- I need to tell..."

"Here, Mom." Will held the water cup with a straw in front of his mom. "Drink a bit. Please."

Amelia obliged and listened to her oldest son. After all, he was going to be a doctor one day. And, she hoped a damn good one at that.

"Thank you, baby," she said once she had taken a few sips. "My ring."

"What about your wedding ring, Mom?" Jay prompted.

"It's not a race...but whoever finds...the right girl first...gets it."

"Mom, don't say that," Will choked out. "You'll be okay. Everything will be fine."

Jay wanted to scoff. Leave it to Will to say that. He wasn't the one sitting in the hospital every damn day just watching their mom deteriorate and waiting for the inevitable.

"But, I'm supposed to wait until Sunday," you told your dad as you entered the hospital room, clutching the present you had made in art class for Mother's Day.

"I think it's close enough. And, it'll make Mom super happy," your dad answered you.

You nodded, the clay heart clutched in your hand. "Will!"

"Hey, kiddo."

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Now, what about this mother's day present? Why don't you come over here and give it to mom?" God, he didn't know how he did it, how he talked to his little sister like this was just a normal day and their mom wasn't minutes away from leaving them forever. He thought that his time working in a hospital and watching doctors and nurses deliver devastating news to families might have something to do with it, though.

"Mom." You stood on your tip-toes so that you could fully see her since her bed was tipped so that she was in a semi-sitting position.

"Yes...baby?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.

"I made this for you. I'm supposed to give it to you on Sunday since that's when Mother's Day is, but Dad said I can give it to you now." You passed the ceramic heart which was painted a shade of lavender and had I love you, Mom carved into it in your messy third-grader handwriting. "Do you like it?"

"I love...it, baby...I'll...cherish it...forever."

"I love you, Mommy." You hadn't called her Mommy in years. But, you knew it always made her happy when you called her that. Maybe, this would make her feel happy.

"Where's...Dad?" she asked weakly.

"He had to go to the bathroom," you answered.

"I love...you...my three...babies."

The sound of the monitor flatlining filled the room. Jay let out an agonizing scream, one unlike you had ever heard before.

"No," Will sobbed. You'd never seen him do that before. He always tried to be the big brother who didn't cry. Both your big brothers did.

Will wanted to start chest compressions, but he knew they'd be no use.

"Mommy," you whispered, shaking her shoulder. You knew it was no use, but maybe, just maybe she'd wake up. "Mommy, come back. Please."

"She's gone, Y/N," Jay said. "She's not coming back."

"Jay!" Will yelled.

"She needs to know that! Mom's gone, dammit!"

Jay slid down the wall, his anger, sadness, frustration, all of it, getting the best of him and he cried. Sobs racked his body.

He heard whispering near him and vaguely made out that Will was telling you that Jay didn't mean to sound so mean. And, then, he felt a pair of little arms wrap around him.

"Jay Jay," you whispered.

And that just made Jay cry harder.

Will came over and joined the hug, all three of you sobbing.

You heard a gasp and the sound of someone running into the room. Then, you heard a blood-curdling scream, the sound of a husband losing his wife way too soon.

The ceramic heart you had made for your mom fell to the floor, finally becoming too heavy to stay put in her lifeless hand now that there was no grip left. It shattered into sharp, lavender pieces, much like your real hearts. Despite still beating, they may as well stop, too. Because, just like how that ceramic heart would never be whole again, without your mom, your heart would never be whole again either.

***

Jay's age: 24

Your age: 10

It had been about a year since your mom had died. Day by day everything was getting easier. But, a part of you was missing, and you'd come to accept that it'd never be filled. Jay moved out right after your mom died and you'd see him sometimes. He worked different hours now since he was a police officer. But, even if you wanted to watch one more movie with him at his apartment, he wouldn't let you and he'd never let you spend the night. He'd always bring you back home to your dad.

You were in bed, Beary laying next to you since you had let go of him in your sleep, when you were woken up by the sound of sirens.

You located Beary from beside you and walked out into the hallway. The light was on as you still didn't like it when you woke up to go to the bathroom and it was dark. So, you walked to your dad's bedroom and pushed to door open.

"Dad," you whispered as you placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hmmm?" he asked, opening his eyes. "What's wrong, honey?"

Since your mom died, you and your dad had grown a lot closer. You'd always watch hockey games with him and he'd come to every single one of your soccer games and take you out for a snack after. He always made sure he was home from work before it got too late so that he could help you with your homework and make sure you weren't scared of a thunderstorm at night. He was the dad that Will and Jay never had. He just hated that it took the death of his wife for him to become a better father.

"Why- Why are there police officers at Ben's house?"

"Police officers? At the Corsons?" your dad asked.

"Yeah, from my window I saw the flashing lights. What's going on?"

"Just give me a minute and we'll go see if they need anything, okay?" he asked, not knowing there was crime scene tape everywhere.

Once your dad was ready, you walked outside, holding tight to his hand and to Beary.

"Uh, yeah, tender-age male. From the looks of it raped and possible cause of death being asphyxiation."

You had no idea what anything he was saying meant, but you knew that Jay was the one who was talking. He was here! Maybe he'd know what was going on! And, maybe he'd know where Ben was, because, from the people around, you hadn't spotted Ben yet.

"Jay!" You let go of your dad's hand and ran towards him, ducking under the bright yellow crime scene tape.

"Shit," he muttered as he ran towards you, trying to block your best friend's body from your view.

But, he was too late.

"B-Ben?"

Jay grabbed you and pulled you close to him so that his body was blocking you from seeing the body any more than you already had. But, he knew that it was no use; the image of your best friend laying in the grass with a rope tied around his neck and duck tape on his mouth and wrists, pants on backward and shirt haphazardly threw on, would forever be etched in your mind.

"Ben!" you wailed.

"I'm gonna take her back to the house. You got it from here and I'll meet you back at the station?" you heard Jay say to who you assumed was his partner.

"Yeah, who is she?"

"My little sister. Kid was her best friend."

"Take as much time as you need, Halstead. I'll tell the sergeant that you might not be back tonight."

"Thank you."

Your dad stayed with Danny and Gail, while Jay brought you home.

"Do you want some water?" Jay asked quietly as you entered the house.

You shook your head. "What happened?"

"Maybe when you're older I can explain, okay?"

"So, he's with Mom now?" you asked, looking into his teary eyes.

"Yeah, he's with Mom now. She'll look after him." He pulled you into a hug. "I love you, kid. You're my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister, Jay."

"That's why you're my favorite."

Jay took a deep breath as he held you tight. That could've easily been you laying on the ground instead of Ben.

After that night, any day that Jay didn't have to work in the mornings, he'd walk you to school. He did that for the rest of the year. He never told you why; he'd only say that he wanted to spend time with his little sister and sometimes he'd even bring you a donut. But, you knew it had something to do with Ben...and the fact that the person who hurt him had never been found.

You weren't supposed to know that information, but you figured it would've been on the news if they found the person who did it. After all, the case was on the news when it first happened.

Little did you and Jay know, that it would be three years until justice would be served and that Jay would almost lose his badge over it.

A/N: Hey, sorry this took me so long to post! It took me a while to write since most of the scenes were sad. Anyway, as I mentioned at the beginning, this will be a series, so look for the next installment! Those will be better because the age will be when Y/N's a teenager...and I write those a lot better than I do when I have to write times when Y/N is a kid.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment! It gives me so much motivation to continue writing!

[karajaynetoday]

these arms would not be taught to hold another's, 'cause we're the special two | ashton irwin

image credit

Hello tumblr pals! Hope you’re having a wonderful day. As promised, here’s a little epilogue for it’s not the pain they’re getting over, it’s the love. i’ve tried to make it as soft and loving as possible, because i feel that these characters deserve a bit of that after everything they’ve gone through. thanks for all of your support and feedback on this little series, it’s always going to be special to me, and i love knowing how much it has resonated with you <3 

Here is Part One, Part Two,  Part Three and Part Four if you’d like to revisit them first. This part is inspired a little by The Special Two by Missy Higgins, and the italics in the piece are lyrics from the song. 

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: mention of death of a parent, mention of exhaustion, anxiety, depression

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

I've hardly been outside my room in days 'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays

It’d been two months or so since Ashton had driven away from you on that rainy, gloomy morning. You’d tried your best to push through the overwhelming loneliness that you felt once he’d gone, and you were back to being by yourself in your mother’s house again. Your siblings were pushing through their own grief by keeping busy and moving forward, making plans to move out and pursue university studies or travel the world, and it warmed your heart to know that they were going to be okay. But at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel like you were losing that sense of being needed that you’d held for so much of your life, and a sense of hopelessness was beginning to creep into its place.

This time around, the distance was made less painful by daily text messages and weekly video calls. You thought you’d feel awkward talking to Ashton through a screen, after such an intense time together in person over the last little while, but it felt so comforting and natural that neither of you ever missed a call. Ashton was somewhere in Europe, France maybe? And he’d be criss-crossing over the continent for the next few months. You saw the excitement in his eyes when you mentioned that you’d always wanted to visit Europe, Italy especially, but you stopped him mid-sentence when he offered to book you a flight. You weren’t ready to leave here, not yet. You just needed more time to feel like yourself again. Ashton reassured you and said he understood, like he always did, and that he would be waiting whenever you were ready. 

When you're young you have this image of your life That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife

You’d started to feel increasingly out of sorts. At first the fatigue felt like an overdue episode of being burnt out, which was understandable given how draining your life had been lately. But then there were other mysterious symptoms too, that didn’t quite add up, so you managed to drag yourself out of bed and to a doctor’s appointment. They couldn’t diagnose you with anything unexpected, and there were murmurs of exhaustion, anxiety, depression, too much stress. They sent you on your way with referrals and prescriptions, and you spent the next few weeks being put on waiting lists and at appointments and trying new things, until slowly the haze began to lift. It didn’t clear entirely, and you knew from your past experiences that it would never totally fade, but you were able to get out of bed in the mornings for no other reason than because you wanted to, which was an achievement within itself.

The lawyers had dealt with your mother’s will swiftly, noting that the house and belongings were to be split equally amongst you and your siblings. After a few emotional days revisiting old belongings and the old memories that came with them, you’d all agreed that selling it and moving out to newer places was the best way forward. It would be hard to part with the place that you’d grown up in, and it’d be strange to come home to somewhere new, or celebrate Christmases or birthdays around a different kitchen table, but it also felt like that was exactly what your mother would have wanted for her loved ones: to cherish her memory by living their lives as brightly as she shone down on them. 

But I will fight for you, be sure that I will fight Until we're the special two once again

The house sold quicker than you’d anticipated, and all of sudden you were surrounded by moving boxes with no real sense or desire to move them anywhere. Your heart had always belonged here, in the familiar streets and secret hideaways and creature comforts of home, but lately it had longed for something else. Something more. Some sort of adventure, some sort of change of scenery. It was one of those now or never moments, and you were torn over what to do. Stepping away and recognising that your family would be alright without you constantly by their side was a hard pill to swallow, but it was also so freeing. 

One afternoon, Ashton’s mother had invited you out for coffee. You could tell she was keeping a watchful eye on you, no doubt out of loyalty to your mother and love for you, but you also had a suspicion that a certain son of hers had asked her to make sure you were doing okay. You were chatting away, talking about your dilemma about where to move house next, when she pulled a piece of paper out of her bag and slid it across the table. You immediately recognised it as Ashton’s tour itinerary, and four days off in Italy had been circled in pink highlighter.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“Absolutely not. I cannot fly to Europe, not now. I don’t have anywhere to live yet, and there’s forms to sign, and boxes to sort out, and…”

All she did was fix you with an amused stare, and you could see the mischievous glint in her eye that you’d seen in Ashton’s many a time before. 

Within a matter of hours, your flight was booked. Your moving boxes would go to storage for now, and you could sort them out whenever it was that you returned. You’d been sworn to secrecy, and added to a WhatsApp group message of some people that you hadn’t spoken to in years, but they were thrilled to hear you were on your way. Apparently Ashton had been missing you much more than he’d let on in your video calls, and your heart leapt when you realised how soon you’d be reunited.

And we can only see each other, we'll breathe together

These arms will not be taught to need another's

'Cause we're the special two

The flights were long but uneventful, and before you knew it you were on your way to a hotel in Italy, trying not to bite your nails out of nerves. The band schedule had a few days off after today, but in their messages to you, Michael, Calum and Luke had explained that you were welcome to join the tour for as long as you’d like. It seemed silly, to feel so close to people who were virtually strangers, but they also felt like family, and you felt like you were ready to embrace something new.

The plan was to surprise Ashton after the show, because if you arrived beforehand, you knew he wouldn’t want to let you go when he was called to stage. You met Kat, the tour assistant, in the lobby, and she was so kind and warm that you felt immediately calmer in her presence. That was until the elevator doors opened onto the band’s floor, and she handed you a key card and wished you luck.

Fuck. This was happening. You’d just flown half way around the world to surprise someone that you were even officially in a relationship with. Who were you? It felt bizarre, and surreal, and so unlike you, but at the same time, something propelled your feet down the corridor. Your heart was pumping, and your hands were clammy, but your knock on the door was firm and strong. You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply in the few moments you had to yourself before the door swung open, and Ashton stood in front of you for the first time in months.

Watching his reaction would’ve made you laugh, if you didn’t immediately start crying from the overwhelming sense of relief. He was confused, and then shocked, and then speechless, and then there was that smile. The smile that could power a thousand suns. He reached out his hands towards you, and when you took them he immediately pulled you into his arms. You were both whispering nonsense to each other, and clutching on for dear life, and breathing each other in like you’d had a lifetime apart.

“I’m so sorry it took me this long to come home to you.” This time, it was your turn to offer this apology to Ashton, who immediately shook his head before pressing his lips to yours softly. 

“Never apologise, my love. It could take all the time in the world, and I’d still be waiting for you just the same.” 

“Is now a good time to tell you I bought a one way ticket?” You said quietly, eyes darting up to meet Ashton’s gaze. He was looking at you incredulously, and you had a moment of panic about whether or not that was the right decision to have made.

“Are you kidding me? That’s the best fucking news I’ve heard in a long time.” 

There was that smile again, and more soft kisses, and being pulled into the hotel room with giggles and clashing limbs as Ashton tried to maneuver you and your belongings inside, as well as closing the door behind you both. 

A quick shower and a call down to room service for some late night pizza, and then you were settling in under the covers as the lack of sleep on the flights and all your hours of travel started to hit you. You were trying to stay awake, because you didn’t want to miss a moment, but Ashton could see right through you.

“Sleep, my love. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.” Ashton murmured, absentmindedly drawing small circles into your back as you settled into his chest with a yawn.

“You promise? How about the day after tomorrow?” You asked, cracking one eye open to glare at him in jest.

“The day after, and the day after, and every single day after that until you get sick of me, which will be never, because there’s no one in my life I’m more intertwined with, and it’s my favourite thing about the entire universe.” Ashton explained matter-of-factly, and it made your heart soar.

He reached over to switch off the bedside lamp, and you were bathed in darkness. Sleep overcame you quickly, and instinctively you found safety, and security, and wholeness in Ashton’s arms, as he found in yours. And all you needed was that moment, over and over again, forever. 

These arms would not be taught to need another's

'Cause we're the special two

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is!  @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash  @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie  @becihadshawn  @allthestarsandthemoon​

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 11 -CONTINUED

*Read this part before reading below*

*****

Between Drake and Maxwell they were taking it in turns to babysit their nephew that they shared, whilst their siblings were on their honeymoon.

Since the wedding yesterday, Bianca’s words kept roaming through his mind- she seemed sincere yet slightly spooked. If he hadn’t have already been in the doghouse with Evie he would have berated her forgiving his mother. Spending this time with Bartie, made him think about what kind of father and mother they would have been if things were different. Making his mind instantly linger towards her- the need to talk to her was always there.

Hey, what are you doing? X

Hi, nothing much. How’s babysitting? X

Going better than expected. I’ve managed to bath him without drowning him. I’ve fed him. I’ve played with him. Now the biggest task is to get him to sleep. X

Without drowning him- Oh Drake! Have more faith in yourself. Read him a story. I’m sure he will be tired after his bath anyway. X

He sure is, do you fancy coming over? I mean you don’t have to. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to. X

Drake waited for a response, but didn’t get one straight away. Regretting asking her, he had hoped that she was just busy and not shutting him out again.

“Come on little man, lets get you to bed.” Placing Bartie in bed, he laid next to him- comforting him before beginning to imagine up a story to tell him. “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman called... Evie...”

“Eeevie..”

“Yes, Bartie. Evie. There was a handsome Prince who fell in love immediately with Evie...”

*****

After finishing the story, Bartie was fast asleep. Drake looked at his nephew in awe.

“You’re going to break a few hearts when you’re older kid. Uncle Drake loves you so much.” Bending down to kiss him, he wrapped him up- ensuring that he was warm enough.

“So if I’m the beautiful woman.. that must make you the ruggedly handsome commoner?” Her presence made him jump to begin with, as he stood up- a smile crept onto his face.

“Evie? What are you doing here?”

“You invited me over. My phone went dead, and I wasn’t sure if the texting was a plea for help with babysitting duties so I didn’t charge it up.”

“No, I’d have asked for help outright. I’m glad you came. Do you want a drink?” Evie nodded, as he lead her out of the room and into the kitchen. Handing her a cup of coffee, there was silence surrounding them. Neither knowing who was going to break the silence first.

“So. I had a visit from Liam this morning once you had left.”

Hearing a knock at the door, she couldn’t believe that Drake was back again- knowing that he was sincere in winning her trust and love back- he couldn’t keep away.

“Li?” Her smile soon faltered into a disappointed expression.

“Sorry Evangeline, was you expecting a tall dark handsome man instead?” He asked winking at her.

“No. Maybe. Can I help you?”

“Just a quick question. Did you find the present that Savannah left you the other night on your bed?”

“I haven’t slept in my bed for a few days. Why?”

“We all have a surprise for you and Drake, a little break that the two of you deserve. The flight leaves the day after tomorrow. I hope the two of you will go- it’ll do you both some good.”

“What if Drake doesn’t want to go with me? I mean we’re technically not together.” Liam cupped her cheek, he knew that she would use any excuse she could to avoid going.

“He loves you dearly. That dance proved he loves you. His eyes never left you yesterday, Evie the man is totally in love with you. Give him a chance, you two are perfect for each other- again the dance proved that, the interaction between the two of you.”

“Would you be saying all that if you didn’t meet Riley?” Knowing that this was a slight dig at his antics when she had first arrived back in Cordonia- he felt ashamed.

“Evie, I love you. I always will. It’s a different type of love that I have for you compared to the love I have for Riley. Even though you rejected me for my commoner best friend - which I am highly offended with by the way- I am happy for the two of you. As is everyone else. Now go home, and find that surprise!”

“Yes, your Majesty. Li? I love you too.” Pulling her towards him, he held her tightly and kissed her on the forehead before exiting the room.

“I assume you had one from Riley?”

”Yeah I did.”

Hearing a knock at the door, Drake had hoped that it was Evie- they had kissed and cuddled all night but never elaborated from that.

“Brooks?”

“Hey, can I come in?” Drake opened the door wider allowing her in.

“How’s my little niece doing?” Drake rubbed his hand along Riley’s bump, as he did this she noticed tears in his eyes.

“She’s fine, although she wouldn’t want to see her uncle cry though.”

“I’m sorry, I daren’t cry in front of Evie - my heart is breaking, Riley. I lost two of the most important people in my life in the matter of twenty four hours. We’re talking now, we’ve shared kisses, we’ve even slept next together in the same bed. But is that all it’s going to be?”

“I’m sure Evie is feeling the exact same, Drake. I’m so sorry, I keep blaming myself for her defending me all the time. Has she mentioned anything that Savannah left on her bed for the two of you?”

“No. But Li asked a similar question at the bachelor party.”

“Between us all, we organised for the two of you to have a break leaving the day after tomorrow. You both deserve it, and this break could help the two of you. We’ve all done this because we all love you both. I love you, and I want you to be happy.”

“What if she doesn’t want to come with me?”

“She will.. after that kiss on the dance floor, she would be a fool to not go.”

“If she doesn’t want to go then I’m not going either. Thank you brooks, I love you too.” Riley pulled him in for a hug before leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Handing him the letter and the tickets, Drake shook his head after reading it.

Hey you two,

So you are both wondering what is going off? Between everyone we decided that you both needed a break away from Cordonia. Savannah still technically owns the apartment in Paris that I bought her- why don’t you both go to the city of looovvveee? We all love you both so much, and are hoping that you two are going to stop being so stubborn and be together. Please go because if not I’ll have everyone wanting to kill me. Maxi x

“We don’t have to go. I know you don’t want to rush into anything. I’m surprised they trusted Maxwell to write the letter.”

“I... don’t make me feel bad Drake. I love you, I truly do. I don’t want to be heartbroken. It’s always going to be in the back of my mind. What would have happened if I was still pregnant? A single parent Duchess would have caused a scandal.”

“You wouldn’t have been a single parent, I’d have been by your side.”

“How do I know that Drake? You unexpectedly ended our relationship.”

“I was a dickhead for doing that. I regretted it the moment those words came out of my mouth. If we were lucky enough to still have our baby I’d have taken you both away from Cordonia. I’d have protected you both until I died. We’d have been a family even if you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. This break that everyone has organised, could be the making or breaking of us...” Seeing him begin to cry, she felt awful. Deep down she knew he would do anything and that in his own stupid way it was to protect her.

“Don’t cry, you’re going to set me off. I’m sorry, I just have to explain my worries.. this break is going to be the making of us.”

“You want to go?”

“I told you in Vegas that I’d like to go one day. You’ve already been with court, so you can show me around.”

“I’d love to show you around, I’ve got so many plans for us.”

“Oh really? Care to share them with me?”

“I’d rather not, incase we don’t have time to do it all. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You wouldn’t..” Stepping closer to her, he ran his fingers through her hair. Resting his forehead against hers, their lips were inches away from each other.

“Mama. Dada.” Sighing, he knew that his nephew was his main priority.

“I better go and see to him. How long are you staying for?”

“I don’t know? I’ll wait for you to settle him down again.”

“If you want to stay a bit longer, we could watch a film?”

“Okay. I’ll see what’s on.” Evie flicked through the tv seeing what was on. Not really knowing what to watch- not knowing what Drake would chose.

****

“Eeevie.” Drake smiled at his nephew, who was now wide eyed. Knowing he wasn’t going to be going back to sleep anytime soon. He decided to carry him in the lounge.

“He asked for you. Eeevie is his new favourite word. Auntie Evie has a nice ring to it.”

“Auntie?” Drake began to get flustered regretting calling her that. He just said it in an innocent way.

“Yeah, I meant because you are close to Savannah and Bertrand so they would like Bartie to call you auntie. Like with the heir, and Maxwell’s and Hana’s future kids... I meant it like that.”

“I knew what you meant. Do you want to watch peppa pig with Auntie Evie, Bartie?”

“It’s the first time he’s been without Savannah he’s going to be unsettled.”

“I don’t mind cuddles from this little cutie pie.” Drakes heart sunk, watching Evie interact with a child she had only just met recently. After a few episodes of Peppa Pig, he eventually fell asleep in Evie’s arms. “Sweet Dreams little boy. Do you want me to take him to his bed?”

“I’ll do it, Evie. You’ve done enough. I thought he was going to become a night owl.”

“I’m glad he decided to not be one, I don’t think I could go through anymore Peppa pig. She’s an annoying little bitch.” The two of them laughed, before Drake carried Bartie back to bed.

*****

Evie made them both a coffee whilst waiting for Drake to return. Drake snuck behind her, and held her waist whilst snuggling into her.

“Thank you for coming.” He whispered into her ear, his hot breath lingered around her.

“You don’t need to thank me.” Turning around to face him, he lent down kissing her on the forehead. Closing her eyes as he did this, her heart wanted more but her mind still had those lingering thoughts. Opening them, Drake never took his eyes off her- keeping eye contact at all times as he softly smiled at her.

“You’re so beautiful.” Her heart began to flutter erratically- he was a charmer when he needed to be, he had always complimented her. Cupping his cheeks, she stood on her tip toes and forced a kiss on to his lips, beginning slowly it soon became more demanding. Lifting her up onto the table, his hands roamed around her body as they continued to kiss. Breaking the kiss, they were both breathless. “I’ve missed you. I know we kissed at the wedding, and last night in bed but I want these moments back- being able to hold you and touch you. Making love to the woman that I love.”

“Touch me, Drake.” Without hesitating, he placed gentle kisses on her neck and shoulder. Evie pulled his shirt off in a matter of urgency, her hands roamed along his muscled body. Unbuttoning her top slowly, his eyes watched hers for any indication that she didn’t want this. Removing it, he discarded it on the floor along with his top.

Carrying her over to the sofa, he laid her down softly as he hovered over her. Admiring her beauty, he kissed her once more before deciding to spoon her.

“What are you doing?” She asked feeling confused, she thought that this was the start of them getting back to what they once were.

“I want you, I really do. I’ve missed you so much. But...”

“But what Drake?” Sitting up, she knew she shouldn’t have given into temptation so easily. “I should go.”

“Don’t go, I haven’t got any protection. Look at what happened last time. You still got pregnant on the implant. You didn’t want to rush anything and I respected that.” Feeling guilty that her insecurities had taken over again, she realised he was thinking about her wishes.

“Pull out before?”

“It’s too risky, what if I don’t pull out in time?”

“Then we will deal with the consequences. Together.” Straddling him, she thrust against his hard cock- needing him, wanting him. “You’re going to have to remove those tights, Duchess. I’m not superman.” Smirking at her, she stood up and did as he commanded. “Your turn Sir Walker..” Biting her lip, as she watched him remove the remainder of his clothes- he pulled her down onto him. “Fuck any foreplay, I just need to you.” She said, hoping he wouldn’t be disappointed.

“Oh my god... Drake...” Evie panted, as she rode him- taking full control.

“I’ve missed you so much baby.” Placing a sloppy kiss on her, he switched positions- wanting to prevent releasing so soon. Missionary position, he began slowly thrusting in and out but making sure that he did it deep, hitting that spot.

“Drake, don’t stop.” Her words encouraged him to continue pleasing her.

“I love you Evie... Be my girl again? Please.” Not pausing his movements, it felt like an eternity before she answered. “Promise that you wont hurt me again?”

“I’m not going to, if anyone tries to come in between us- we will move away. I want you to be the mother of my children, one day I hope you’ll become my wife. I want a future that includes you.”

“You want all that?” Drake kissed her slowly, as she questioned him. “One day, I want all that. If you do too, Evie.”

“I love you my handsome boyfriend.”

“I love you too baby girl. I’m not gonna fuck up again.” Regaining his movements, he thrust harder and harder, seeing her on a high, moaning his name over and over again. Knowing he was close, he pulled out immediately- Evie watched his hand stroke his length until he finished. Not being able to move due to her body trembling, she passed him her tights to clean up.

“I don’t think you’ll want them back, I’ll buy you some more.” He said as he held her in his embrace. The two of them fell asleep in other’s arms, both content - and hopeful for their future.

****

“Honeyyy I’m home!” Maxwell shouted as he barged through the cabin doors. He was drunk, no intoxicated as a result to the dancing competition that he had won. In his drunk mind, he decided to check up on Drake with his babysitting duties. Noticing some tights and Drakes top on the floor, Maxwell wondered what had gone off- he could only see Drake on the sofa. Maybe he split up with Evie because he’s a drag queen? That would explain why he allowed them to turn him into a girl as kids. Picking the tights up, they felt all sticky- immediately throwing them onto Drakes head due to the shock of what was on them, he was awoken from his slumber.

“Beaumont what the fuck?”

“You allowed me to touch clothing with spunk all over it? Did you enjoy your wank whilst looking after our nephew?”

“I didn’t allow you touch anything! One, Bartie has been asleep for hours. Two, why the fuck are you here? Three, it wasn’t a wank. If you’d open your eyes, you’d see that Evie is asleep next to me.” Peering over the sofa, he saw a half naked Evie snuggled into Drake.

“Ohhh... you two... kissed and made up then? But I don’t understand the tights? Is this some type of new kinky 50 shades shit?”

“I had no condoms. I had to pull out, and she passed me them to clean my dick with. I’m being sensible this time.”

“I’ve got loads in my pocket, here knock yourself out. If she became pregnant it wouldn’t be a problem would it?”

“Yes, it would. She didn’t want to rush things. That went tits up. I asked her to be with me again during sex. So I don’t need anything to fuck it up.”

Climbing over Evie, Drake stood up attempting not to wake her up. Kissing her on the forehead, he placed a blanket over her.

“So you still didn’t answer my question as to why you are here....”

“I thought you’d want some company, obviously someone bet me to it.” Pouting his lips impersonating kisses, Drake shook his head at Maxwell’s drunken pout.

“Do you want me to take Bartie back to Ramsford... you’ve got condoms now, you can both take advantage of being alone.”

“No, don’t disturb him. You wasn’t due to have him until tomorrow anyway.”

“Okay, well I’ll stay. We can celebrate me winning the competition.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend to celebrate with?”

“It’s a bit late to disturb her...” Drake shook his head again, now knowing that he was now lumbered with the younger Beaumont.

“I’ll carry Evie to my bed, then I’ll celebrate with you if you don’t pass out before then.”

*****

Bastien heard a knock on Olivia’s door, it was now early hours in the morning so he knew it must be important. Slipping out of bed, he attempted to not disturb her, however his plan failed. Feeling her nails dig into him, her eyes were wide- waiting for an explanation about why he was about to leave.

“Someone’s at the door Liv.”

“Fuck them. Ignore it. Now I’m awake, I want to take full advantage of you.” Pulling him back onto the bed, she straddled him. Kissing his bare skin, for a moment he forgot about the disturbance, until the knocking continued.

“What the fuck do you want?” Olivia shouted, feeling frustrated. Bastien rolled her off of him, he had a slight erection so decided to get rid of whoever it was.

“Sir?”

“What? This better be important Glen.” The guard gulped as he saw Olivia provide him with dagger eyes.

“It’s about Duke Tobias. When the guards checked on him a few hours ago, he gave them a letter to pass onto Duchess Evangeline. Usually he would be pleading his innocence throughout the night, begging for the guards to let him free. However, he has been suspiciously quiet tonight....”

“Glen! Just spit out what you need to say. What’s happened?” Gulping, the younger guard began shaking, images of what he had seen were still stuck in his mind.

“Duke Tobias is dead.”

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Six

Characters:  Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 14290

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma  for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief  do what he does?

This is Chapter Six, Here are Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, and Five

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Maki Harukawa’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Did you touch down at Haneda yet?

From: Principal Emo

Yeah

A while ago actually

I’m actually on the train home right now

Which I guess is a little silly considering I’m coming right back over tomorrow

But also I definitely need to sleep in my own bed at least once before meeting people Kaito works with

From: Me

Ugh

Meeting people

From: Principal Emo

Yeah

Especially meeting people with Kaito “What’s your favorite blood type?” Momota

From: Me

Hey that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about

And your description is completely accurate, continue

From: Principal Emo

Ugh sorry that was mean

I’m mean today and I don’t like it

I need coffee :(

From: Me

Or, you know

A decent night’s sleep

From: Principal Emo

Too hard

From: Me

Oh, you’re right, taking care of yourself is too hard

Back to relentlessly roasting Kaito it is

From: Principal Emo

What no

I’m not roasting him

I’m just

Trying not to be mad at him because the only reason I have to be mad at him is that I’m going to miss him while he’s on his mission and I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me he was going on the mission soon enough that I had time to ease into missing him and if I’m just angry at him about that then I’ll be missing him when he’s here so I should try and not be angry at him so that I don’t let time with him go to waste while he’s not in space yet

That makes sense right?

From: Me

I mean feel about it how you wanna feel

But I’d just be mad at him if I were you

From: Principal Emo

:(

From: Me

*>:(

From: Principal Emo

*<:(

From: Me

What is that

A party hat?

From: Principal Emo

No its like

Concerned eyebrows

From: Me

What are you concerned about?

From: Principal Emo

Right now? Or in general?

Because right now I’m worried that people on the train are giving me weird looks because my suitcase is taking up too much space

But like in general I fear that I am somehow secretly inadequate according to an unclear set of standards that only exist in my own mind

From: Me

Cool

Well not cool actually

You want me to give you a ride to the open house so that you don’t have to take the train again tomorrow

From: Principal Emo

I would actually very much appreciate that

I know that the lines under the Towa bridges have the newest trains and the most up to date security and all

But also there’s just a lot of people on trains and places to hide knives one would use for a train stabbing and even thought that’s super unreasonable maybe it’s not that unreasonable because we have a lot of stabbings in proportion to other countries but also we have a low homicide rate

From: Me

Ah so you don’t just want to carpool for my charming company

From: Principal Emo

If you’re trying to be sarcastic let me just say your company is genuinely more charming than the motley crew of characters one would expect on the Towa to Tanegashima line at ten in the morning

From: Me

Even though my car has the same amount of places to hide knives?

From: Principal Emo

Yeah but those knives are for your purposes and not train stabbings

From: Me

My purposes?

From: Principal Emo

You know what I mean

From: Me

Yeah I do

Also

While I do not want to validate your fear of train stabbings via the association of an abrupt subject change

I’ve been meaning to say for a while that I am sorry that I don’t trust your detective work more often

Well I don’t know about more often

What I mean is

I think that you are a good detective

Even when you say stuff that obviously sounds stupid

And if I implied a different stance through my words or actions

Then I regret those words and/or actions

From: Principal Emo

What?

Oh are you talking about what you told me before I went to Paris

From: Me

Yeah

I mean I don’t think I’m in the wrong when I say clowns stealing toilets from the louvre is a stupid premise for a crime

But I guess criminals are stupider than popular media and common sense would lead me to believe

And I think I should have believed in you more

But also I think I was right that you need a vacation and you haven’t taken one yet and I think that’s not great for you either

From: Principal Emo

Oh um

I guess not?

From: Me

And Kaito told me you’re not allowed to chase the clowns anymore

So maybe you should take a break now

From: Principal Emo

Well

I feel like in a way following the DICE case was a break?

Because I essentially didn’t get any cases done the whole time I was working it

Which means I’ll have catching up to do when I get back to the office

From: Me

Not if I kill you first

From: Principal Emo

Sorry, we’ll have to fit that in later

If you kill me then I’ll be even more behind

From: Me

Your eyeballs better be behind your eyelids at 8pm today or else I’m taking them

From: Principal Emo

Taking what?

From: Me

Your eyeballs

From: Principal Emo

No I need those

From: Me

Then hide them because I’m coming for you

From: Principal Emo

Okay, maybe I’ll sleep a little tonight

From: Me

You better still be sleeping when I get to your house

I’ll be there 8:30

From: Principal Emo

Maki if you want me to sleep at 8pm then that means you want me to sleep for 12 and a half hours

From: Me

Did I fucking stutter

From: Principal Emo

<:( --- Kokichi Ouma's flight from the Malpensa Airport in Milan, Italy to the Narita Airport in Tokyo, Japan was the first time he had ever been on a plane by himself. He had done that on purpose when organizing the flight groups yesterday. Ace and King had suggested that groups be made up of twos and threes to avoid "unnecessary danger," which Kokichi heard as avoiding "letting our boss eat paper and be in vents." Naturally Kokichi responded that it was a positively splendid suggestion, considering he had come up with it already, and he had obliged by it, organizing them into four groups with Kokichi's own group including Queen and Jack. Except somehow they had booked tickets for the wrong flight. Oooh noooo, how could that be? And Queen had been the one to book the tickets too…

Kokichi supposed that he hadn't quite thought this whole being on a plane alone thing all the way through when he was hacking into the airline's online ticket system last night. It seemed now, in the daylight of sitting in the window seat of aisle 22 watching the clouds stroll listlessly across the sky so that he wouldn't have to look at the lady next to him paint her toenails, that there was nothing overtly beneficial about the lack of a familiar audience to his exploits. Sure, it was nice that he could have his blue eyes white dragon on the plane with him in his pocket instead of hidden within the checked bags, but what was the point of it if there was no one to duel with?

Basically he was bored.

But also weirdly not motivated to do anything to end the boredom. Which seemed counterintuitive, because not being bored was his whole deal. Then again maybe having a whole deal was counterintuitive to his supposedly liquid personality. If he wanted to stir things up maybe he should indulge this part of himself that wanted to be boring because then that would vary from his constant need to not be boring, which in excess could be viewed as boring. Then again, changing things about his personality just to avoid an arbitrary standard of boring-ness would also be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?

He tried to think of what the Kokichi who didn't want to be bored with all of his being would do right now. Maybe he would turn around and just start picking apart the insecurities of miss "my toes need to be pink for the beach!" over here until she started crying and jumped out of the plane. Then again, he didn't trust his brain not to imprint onto the next person who had long eyelashes and who he thought might fuck up his whole deal if he let it wander free into the dangerous world of airplane small talk. Sure, he could steal something or break something or just cause some sort of problem on purpose, but, very concerningly, it didn't seem like he wanted to.

It just... seemed like a hassle right now, to think about things and scheme. If he was the maitre d' of mischief then what was the point of it if there wasn’t someone important's perceptions to attend to?

So his brain was left here, grasping at straws, rewatching episodes of Detective Conan in his head, and wondering where he went wrong with the whole dashing phantom thief thing.

It also felt like there was something he was supposed to be doing that he was forgetting to do but he didn't have a lot of time to think about it, what with the recently discovered antique fabregé egg being stolen from the Suzuki Modern Art Museum in Osaka and all. How did Kaitou Kid do it?

Oh, wait, Kokichi knew what this feeling reminded him of. It felt something like being twelve again. Back when DICE was just around a year old and they were still living in that apartment in Hokkaido. They were barely scraping by at that point. Spades and Clubs were in junior high, still seriously considering going back to the old home. All the other teens were still in highschool, except for King, who was just starting nursing school, and Ace still had their first job with that phony resume Kokichi made them. Wait, they hadn't even come up with their code names yet had they? Yeah, they still called him Ouma-sama back then.

That seemed kind of silly, looking back on it. While everyone was at school or work, Kokichi would stay in that little apartment and watch anime for hours, sometimes making nasty little bills disappear through some light, white collar crime. Well, it wasn't always anime he watched while committing tax fraud. Sometimes he would watch game shows or browse the internet while sending emails that would topple companies in just the right way so that rice cakes would be on sale the next week. He memorized a lot of different security detail layouts while lazing around and rerouting rubber horse mask deliveries to the CEO of the Towa corporation because their stupid TVs were too expensive. He also played a lot of video games. Like… a lot a lot. Most of his time was spent playing video games now that he thought of it...

Recalling those times now felt like looking down at half of a person. Or more like looking back at someone who didn't know he was a person yet.

Except now he was a person and he knew that he was one and he was on a plane by himself because he wanted to sulk defiantly. Wait sulk? Sulking? Was that what he was doing?

Well yeah, maybe he was a bit bummed about Saihara. He hadn't been able to think about that earlier because if he thought about the pit of disappointment sapping in the back of his head it might suck the rest of him in too and then he'd be no use to anyone. But now he was alone and it didn't matter how he felt about anybody and somehow he was still confused by it.

Maybe Saihara just wasn't the hot shit Kokichi thought he was. Actually, Kokichi was probably just being dumb for expecting more. Or, on the other hand, Saihara might just be doing things the right way. Tracking an internationally traveling thief through flight records was logical, but somehow knowing how the trick was done made it lose a little bit of magic. Or all of it, seeing as magic isn't real and all. Maybe Kokichi had just been excited by the possibility that Saihara had presented, and thus blew his minor deductive talent out of proportion.

Obviously whatever had made Saihara so interesting to him was of no consequence now, because the detective wouldn't be able to find them with his little method this time, what with DICE staggering out the ticket buying and all. He wasn't even going to leave a note to Interpol this time around. And so the semi-epic story of Shuichi v. Kokichi would end here.

Then Kokichi could just keep leading DICE in heists. Forever. He guessed. He didn't know, actually, what the long term plan was vis a vis their ever escalating chain of petty thefts. Bishop had said they made ¥2,000,000 this month. Kokichi didn't even know how much they had saved up in out of country bank accounts. It seemed like too much.

What was he supposed to say about that to DICE though? Ok guys, we’re making too much money actually, time to slow it down a bit and face the fact that we've wasted our young lives on being only mildly disruptive to but somehow somewhat supportive of the institution of capitalism.

Then what would happen after that?

When he started planning these heists, Kokichi had never really thought of an “after” to becoming an internationally wanted thief. He had seen it as the end goal. The destiny career.

How do you end that?

Maybe he should just pull a Ryo from GX except instead of a heart condition killing him he could just jump off a-

“Ladies and gentlemen,” The crackling voice of the Captain over the plane intercom interrupted the train of thought Kokichi was having as well as where he was in his mental Detective Conan Kaito Kid best hits Marathon, “As we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”

Uh. What? This was a twelve hour flight and that sounded an awful lot like a landing announcement. Was the Captain on crack or someth-

Kokichi realized that the sky outside the window he had been spacing the fuck out through was dark now. Even more telling of the passage of time, though, was the fact that he was on episode 703 now, the train one where Kaitou Kid disguises himself as a maid.

In order to function like a real living person who experienced the passage of time, Kokichi banished anime from his brain.

Okay, not thinking about anime anymore… thinking instead about what to do when not on the plane….

Right, he was supposed to wait at the baggage claim until Rook, King, Queen and Jack’s flights came in. Then they would drive to the rendezvous in central Tokyo where they would meet the members who landed at Haneda instead of Narita. Then they would head to the JAXA launch site on one of the islands in the Kagoshima prefecture and Kokichi would lay out the heist plan he came up with on... the…. plane….

Oh... he forgot to do that, didn’t he?

…

See, who needed a nemesis when Kokichi had self foiling down to a science? --- Shuichi Saihara really meant to sleep last night. He really did. He went through the whole thing too, brushing his teeth, putting on a sleep t-shirt, and lying down in the bed. Yet somehow his brain never got the message that it was time to shut down.

Instead, it compulsively lit up with anxiety, which began dueling it out with the half hearted self reassurances he postulated to pretend he was coping.

The afternoon before, Shuichi had returned to the small building which served as his dual purpose home/office to find a slew of missed phone calls and letters. He spent three, gut-wrenchingly guilt-ridden hours sorting through everything from distress calls from potential clients, some well wishes from clients he had been following up with, and worst of all extremely distressed calls from clients he had failed to follow up with in wake of the DICE case.

He felt like the stupidest, most pathetic excuse for a detective on the face of the earth. He knew that he shouldn’t feel that way, but how could he not come to that conclusion with all the evidence that lay before him? Every call and letter was from a person that Shuichi had failed to help because he had somehow decided vainly pursuing international thieves was something only he could do. Maybe early on it had seemed like the logical step to pursue the thieves where interpol couldn’t. Shuichi had just come off of a big bust in the organized crime sector of Towa City, tracing back a series of revenge killings at the behest of a secretive swordswoman, and had been passively keeping up with the DICE case on the side. When he had managed to get his hands on one of the encoded letters sent to Interpol, he was certain DICE was going to hit the Smithsonian, so he and Kaito had gotten on a plane to America. And then they didn’t catch the thief and obviously that was Shuichi’s fault because the evidence was all in his hands if he had only been fast enough… So he got the next letter and pursued the thieves to Paris and he got even closer and when he failed it was even more obviously his fault because he should’ve been smart enough to notice an internationally wanted thief sitting literally right next to him. And then some how he had decided that? Stealing plane records was the next logical step? How did he even get there? It was so obviously over the line… But would he really have been satisfied, then, if he had just given up on the truth? Was he really satisfied now? He couldn’t possibly-

It didn’t matter whether he was satisfied or not. Not everything was about him. He had his own job to do here in Towa City and he had forgotten that for about a month and a half to chase after a group of essentially harmless thieves. There had been four murders in Towa City since then! And Shuichi knew that because four people had called him to investigate them! And Shuichi was aware that people would be calling him about violent crime! And he had seen the evidence that the thieves had a zero casualty count! And yet somehow he still had to have Agent Ishimaru spell it out for him that he should’ve just stayed home!

Okay he was freaking out a bit, things were fine. Interpol was going to take care of DICE now. It wasn't Shuichi's case. He needed to calm down. Stop trying to convince himself there was more to the case. Why would he think he knew the case best when he worked on it for less than half a hear? Interpol had been tracking criminal activity suspected of the organization for nearly a decade now. Then again maybe that was a point against interpol. What if they were in-

Stop! No! Not his case! Stop being suspicious!

Shuichi had other things to focus on now. He had managed to get into contact with most of the people who had left him messages, and to make up for lost time he had decided to try and take up a few cases at a time. Except contrary to his own self-conceited beliefs there were more detectives in Towa City than just him, and everyone who had called him about a case had managed to hire someone else already.

He tried to convince himself this was a good thing, as he lay awake at night. Everything was fine. He wasn’t failing anyone. There were so many other capable detectives in Towa city. No reason to be concerned.

Yeah, nobody needed him, the pathetic detective he was anyway. He hadn’t even managed to get close to catching DICE’s leader, let alone the nine other members of the group…

Well maybe he had gotten pretty close. He remembered grappling with the thief in Taipei and Milan. The close contact with the pilferer of his pursuit only made Shuichi’s own incompetence more frustrating, his mistakes made more obvious in the light of hindsight.

He really wanted to know why-

Not his case. God what an idiot. What had Dr. Iruma diagnosed him with after the thief escaped? Ah that’s right, shit for brains.

… That reminded him, he should follow up with the Idabashi labs people. He had gotten so caught up in making sure he stayed on DICE’s tail that he forgot to even perform the most basic courtesy in his practice as a detective. Being able to check up with clients, bystanders, and victims without risking a witness tampering charge was one of the main benefits of being a private detective versus being a police detective. When he had started his private practice Shuichi had promised himself that now that he could put the people involved in a case before the case itself he would do so to the best of his ability. He usually took much better care to address concerns of breaking and entering victims, what had he been thinking leaving the labs immediately to pursue DICE? Dr. Iruma had still been uncertain if her friend would recover from being shut down right in front of her! Shuichi was shocked at his own behavior. It was the kind of awful thing he would have pulled as a reckless teen detective, pursuing the truth without regard for who he accused or lied to along the way. The resurfacing of this behavior seemed appalling to him now.

He should call Idabashi labs right away to apologize.

It was this thought that finally stirred him from his half-awake stupor at 4 AM. At realizing the time, the part of Shuichi’s brain that was still capable of higher reasoning decided that calling would be rather rude at the hour, but he was too anxious he’d forget to call at all if he postponed now to abandon the idea altogether. In compromise, he took out his laptop and began drafting a letter to Dr. Iruma instead, expressing his regrets and apologies of every little thing he could think of. The broken windows, the used bomb, the cup of coffee he had made in her kitchen without asking…

He was typing and retyping the sign off at the end of the letter (Sincerely was a good stand bye but not very personal? Concernedly? Too personal. Thank you for your time? Ugh not the right tone) when he heard the knock at the door.

Shuichi blinked, breaking the trance-like state that he now realized had led him to write a four page letter. He looked at the grandfather clock on his mantle. It read 10:31 AM. Which meant it was actually 8:27 AM because that clock was 2 hours and 4 minutes fast and Shuichi was too afraid he might break it to try and fix it.

Maki had promised to pick him up at 8:30 so by process of logical deduction Shuichi could safely assume that it was her outside, coming to bully him for being sleep deprived.

Sure enough, the sound of the spare key he’d given her and Kaito could be heard jiggling in the door knob. Maki opened the door.

The desk Shuichi was working at was in his client reception area, which was unfortunately immediately in view of anyone opening the door. Maki locked eyes with him almost instantly, and the look in hers was that of disappointment.

“And here I was thinking you might actually be asleep.”

“Uh. Sorry.” Shuichi said, closing his laptop. Then he opened it again. “Hey if you were apologizing to someone for not catching a burglar in their home/place of work and then leaving while their friend was sick so that you could chase said crook to another continent, would you sign the letter ‘sincerely’ or with something more like ‘once more expressing deepest apologies...”

Maki frowned, coming in and closing the door. “I’m not good at apologies. Those both sound polite but, knowing you, you probably didn't do something you would actually need that level of politeness to apologize for.”

“Um.” Shuichi went with ‘deepest apologies, -Shuichi Saihara.’ “Better safe than sorry?” He hit print. The printer his laptop was connected to was upstairs in the office where he kept his case files, so he had to run up the stairs to grab the printed letter.

Maki, seeming to sense he was going to need a second to put his four page letter in an envelope, sighed and came into the building from the entryway. She took off her shoes, heading towards the kitchen in the next room over.

When Shuichi got back down stairs with his four page apology letter safely tucked away in an envelope with a nice international stamp on it, he came into the kitchen to find Maki unplugging his coffee maker.

Both took a moment to register what one another was holding in their hands. Then they both frowned disapprovingly.

“Maki come on…” Shuichi protested weakly. “I don’t want to fall asleep at the JAXA open house.”

“Shuichi you’re at ten-page-apology-letter crazy right now and you think caffeine is going to help you?”

“Yes.” Uh. Wait. Was that healthy? “Maybe.” Probably not. “It’s only four pages.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. Okay Shuichi was not on the winning side of logic here that much was clear. But still…

“Okay you win.” Shuichi relented, moving toward the kitchen counter as if to set down the envelope in his hands.

The second he dropped it, he made a mad lunge for the coffee maker cord. Maki effortlessly pulled it out of the way and grabbed his wrist, twisting him into a lock and then bringing him to a pin on the ground.

“What was the plan there?” She asked. Was it just him or did she sound bemused? He couldn’t really look at her face to garner her expression because his own face was currently smashed against the tile of his own kitchen.

“No plan.” Shuichi admitted through a mouthful of the floor. “Only caffeine withdrawal.”

“Okay.” Shuichi felt his center of gravity flip once more, “You’re sleeping in the car.” Shuichi realized that Maki had scooped him up into a princess carry too late to actually do anything about it.

“Hey!” Shuichi protested, a little indignant.

Being close friends with Maki Harukawa came with the knowledge that you were going to be treated like you weighed less than a ragdoll from time to time. She had a tendency to muscle her way through social interactions if at all possible. Her significant other just gave her a compliment she didn’t know how to deal with? Punch him. That guy at work wouldn’t stop talking to her about his fucking car? Walk through a door and close it in his face if he tries to follow. Her best friend wants to make a series of regrettable decisions? Physically prevent him from doing so because he is easier to lift than a handful of grapes.

Shuichi had been friends with Maki for about seven years now, and he knew this all well enough, but that didn’t mean he had to go down without a fight. “Maki I have to get my letter to the-”

“Shuichi when you get back to that letter tomorrow morning you’ll be embarrassed you even wrote it.”

Okay, maybe Shuichi would go down without a fight. Maki made a good point, Shuichi was very often embarrassed by things he himself did while off his daily recommended prescription of z’s and or caffeine.

“Okay! I give! You’re right.”

“I know.” Maki had gotten to the front door and seemed to be puzzling out how to open it with her elbow.

“Here I can walk by myself.” Shuichi made a move to roll out of Maki’s arms, but she was still gripping his shoulder in place.

“Walk to the car by yourself or walk to your kitchen and feed your caffeine addiction?” She looked down at him with a stern expression that implied only one correct answer.

“The car.” Shuichi relented.

“Alright then.”

Maki set him down and opened the door while he grabbed his coat from the closet.

She gave him another look.

“What is it?” Shuichi thought she was scrutinizing his appearance, so he mentally did the same. “Oh! I forgot to do my eyes-” Today his morning routine had been: get out of bed, go to computer, write apology letter, whereas usually it went: get out of bed, apply eyeliner, worry about inadequacies, drink coffee, feel marginally better. Shuichi had skipped the second step, and he was about to rush to the bathroom to correct it, but Maki grabbed his arm.

“Shuichi we’re going to Tanegashima in August. It’s 30 degrees there. Your eyes are going to melt. Along with the rest of you.”

Shuichi took a moment to realize that Maki herself was wearing shorts and a loose aloha shirt. Meanwhile he was standing here in his baggy sleep t-shirt, skinny jeans, and black trenchcoat.

“Uh.” Shuichi took off his coat and tied it around his waist. “Better?”

“Hmph.” Maki grumbled, walking out onto the sidewalk. “If you die of heatstroke on the way there, I’m not going to your funeral.”

“Not even if Kaito went?” Shuichi followed, locking the door behind him.

“Especially not if Kaito went.” Maki pulled out her keys and unlocked her car, which was parallel parked on the street by Shuichi’s office. “He’d cry like a baby. It would be insufferable.”

Maki’s car was an old black honda that always smelled a little like burnt sugar. With Maki, Shuichi couldn't be sure if the smell came from a baking mishap or the trace of nitroglycerin from a recently fired gun. It was probably both. On hot days the air inside was unbearably warm until the AC was turned on for at least a minute, because the seats were made of a dark, greasy pleather sort of thing that made it its mission to absorb as much heat as possible. Shuichi had a distinct memory of pressing his face against the material to avoid being shot from behind. In fact he sort of had a slideshow of bad memories associated with riding in this car on various high stake chases or on the approach of even more stressful social situations. Yet despite all that, the second Shuichi settled into the passenger seat and pulled the seat belt over himself, he felt more at home than he had pulling up the covers when he’d been trying to sleep last night.

What happened next was embarrassingly predictable. From Shuichi’s point of view it seemed like Maki started the car, he closed his eyes, and then when he opened them his face was pressed against the window and he could see the Towa Bridge Expressway zooming past him.

The road was on the upper side of one of the bridges Towa Corp had built about a decade ago connecting Islands like Tanegashima, Yakushima, and Towa City to the mainland. On the underside of the bridges were bullet trains that ran underwater between the islands.

Regardless of this, all roads feel the same under the wheels of a car you forget falling asleep in.

“Hghh.” Shuichi was half aware that his throat was the thing that just made that noise.

“Wow you got a whole REM cycle in there.” Maki seemed to hear his rooster cry of wakefulness despite the interference of some sort of j-pop song coming out of the car speakers. As Shuichi’s eyes adjusted to the pale daylight stinging his retinas, he could make out that his friend had her eyes fixed on the road. “That must be a new record.”

“If you’re gonna-” Shuichi realized his speech was muffled and that it was because his face was still against the window. He made an effort to sit up straight and started his sentence again, unobstructed. “If you’re going to make fun of me for sleeping the same as not sleeping then why should I even bother?”

“Because your health is your health and that isn’t beholden to my judgement.”

“Everything about me is beholden to judgement.” Shuichi muttered, still thinking miserably about his poor uncle’s good name, which he was most certainly running into the ground by having the office closed for another day. He was working a sum total of NO cases right now. Maybe he should write his uncle an apology letter too. Then again he wouldn’t want to bother him in his retirement… Who would want to have their nice day interrupted by their whining nephew? No one.

“Yeah, you should fix that.” Apparently driving for an hour and a half hadn’t changed Maki’s stance. She still had biting comments about his poor self esteem at the ready.

“Hghk.” Shuichi replied eloquently.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Maki muttered in reply.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing." Maki replied a little too quickly. She was chewing her lip. After a moment of thought she went on. "Well I guess it means something. But I'm still trying to wrap my head around it and I don't want to tell you until I have it phrased right in my mind."

"Hm. Okay."

Shuichi tried to regain faculty over his higher social functions in an attempt to discern what Maki was upset about and to make sure it wasn’t anything that he did. But while he was performing this heroic feat he closed his eyes on accident and then when he opened them again Maki was parking, presumably on the campus of the Tanegashima Space Center.

Shuichi groaned, now finding himself leaned in the opposite direction of the window. “Why does it feel like the part of my brain that produces melatonin is always waiting to get me by surprise?”

“Because you keep trying to drown it in caffeine,” Maki replied readily, seeming to have lost her contemplative mood after another hour of driving, “it’s fighting for it’s life, of course it’s going to use guerilla tactics.”

Shuichi shook the feeling back into his legs as Maki pulled into a spot. He remembered when he used to drive a lot more. When he was on the force he had access to a police cruiser, but nowadays Shuichi had trouble driving a car while he was on his own. He kept having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting pedestrians. A lot of grisly murders happened like that. Even now he could picture that guy whose head had been crushed under the wheel of a yakuza boss’s car…

“Come on, we haven’t got all day.” Maki tapped him in the arm with her fist, then got out of the car. Shuichi was going to follow suit, but he paused to check himself for eye crusties in the pull down mirror. He had just regained the mental capacity to remember he didn’t put on his eyeliner and now it was time to be anxious about his appearance again. Well, at least this would probably go better than the last time he encountered a social situation without doing his eyes. He really thought he’d be safe going to ask Keebo about the wi-fi, but he had managed to stumble into a robbery in process, which had then turned into a hostage situation, which had then turned into an all night police investigation and journalists tried to talk to him again and then Dr. Iruma was doing robot surgery and he got chewed out by Ishimaru again and-

“Shuichi?” Maki had ducked her head back into the car. “Are you coming?”

Shuichi startled out his internal anxiety tirade. “Y-yeah! Sorry.” He shut the mirror and opened the door of the car. It took a second to untangle his coat from the seatbelt, but he managed to get out and retie it around his waist.

“Hey…” Maki had locked the car and come around to his side. Her eyebrows were furrowed. “Are you alright?”

“What?” Shuichi blinked. Did he really look that bad? “No, yeah, I’m fine.” It only occurred to him he was kind of lying for no reason after he said it. “I mean, well. I’m just like. Embarrassed about not being able to see that case I was doing through all the way to the end. Like, I’m thinking about all the ways I messed it up, you know?”

Maki nodded. “Yeah. I feel that way too. About my own stuff. Sometimes. A lot of times. Actually.” Her fingers tangled into a strand of her hair. “But… Well, you know what he would say about it already, don’t you?”

Oh yeah. “Probably something like… the past is the past. What really matters is what you do now.” Just thinking about what Kaito would say made him feel better... He shook his head. “I really should just get ‘what would Kaito do’ tattooed on my brain…”

“Yeah, as long as you’re not in a haunted house.” Maki pointed out.

Shuichi laughed. “Yeah… I guess so…”

Maki looked down at her feet, still carding her hands through her hair.

“I’m… Going to miss him.” She confessed.

Shuichi suddenly felt extremely guilty. Here Maki was trying to keep his anxiety from preventing the performance of his every day functions and he had totally neglected to consider she was going through a lot right now too. Shuichi knew that Kaito had been a lifeline for Maki for a long time, and even though she was in a much better place now Shuichi would be much less of an awful friend if he had realized how much harder Kaito’s absence would hit her.

“What’s with that expression?” She muttered. Shuichi realized he was making a very fretful face. “Ugh. Nevermind, talking about this is pointless anyway…”

“It’s not pointless!” Shuichi rebutted quickly. “Of course you’ll miss Kaito. Talking about your feelings is an important step in processing them… And you know I want to be here for you if you ever need that. I’m your friend.”

“Yeah.” She pushed her hair back from her face. “I know.” She was chewing her lip again. “Uh. Thanks. Sorry if I’ve been kind of… mother henning you today. It’s just. I don’t want to be… Alone again.”

Now Shuichi really felt like a bad friend. “Oh, Maki-”

Shuichi was interrupted by the 2012 song ‘Space Unicorn’ blasting from Maki’s phone. Whenever Shuichi heard that song, it reminded him of udon noodle soup, because that’s what he’d been eating in the college cafeteria when Kaito set it as his ringtone in Maki’s phone.

“Ugh. I hate that song.” Maki took the phone out of her pocket. “We’ll talk later.” She told Shuichi, before answering the call.

“What is it.” Shuichi overheard Maki’s side of the conversation. “We just parked… Yeah… Where?... That’s troublesome… I’m kidding… Ok, see you there… Gross.”

She hung up.

“He says he’s waiting for us by the bus terminal at the museum. Which is on the other side of the campus.”

Oh, Kaito… “It’s like he’s making us run laps again…”

“I’ll try not to leave you behind.” Maki offered, kindly.

“Hey, maybe I’ll be able to keep pace…” Shuichi postulated. “I’ve been in a lot of chases recently.”

“You won’t be.” Maki said, already jogging in place.

“I’ll try my best…” Shuichi promised. --- Kokichi Ouma found himself wondering where exactly that big old brain of his had wandered off to. He knew that by all accounts he was very good at coming up with plans on the fly. Yet for some reason the performance of the actual organ that processed his mental functions was lacking at the moment. Like it didn’t know it was supposed to be the brain of an internationally wanted criminal today. Spontaneity was supposed to mean fun for him, but for some reason this whole build a plane plan seemed more like a point of stress than anything else. Which was weird because Kokichi didn’t usually get stressed. There was just something about this heist that he wasn’t looking forward to and he couldn’t identify what exactly it was or how exactly he was supposed to get around it.

Kokichi was still trying to halfass his way to a half decent plan when DICE reunited in Tokyo. And on the drive down to the Kagoshima prefecture he had more than enough time to think about a plan. In fact he had another 15 hours. And he just… Didn’t. He just didn’t think of a plan. He just sat around pretending to be sociable and analyzing the rest of the group’s conversations and sleeping habits. He thought that maybe he was anxious about them scheming behind his back again, but realizing that he was anxious should have made the being anxious go away, so he decided that it wasn’t that.

So when they finally did arrive at the Tanegashima Space Center in their stolen Space Center Tour bus the next morning and everyone huddled in the backmost rows of seats to hear what exactly the plan was, Kokichi had to pause for a second.

Uh. Okay. Plan time.

“You may not have noticed,” Kokichi started off after compiling some observations in his head, “But there’s an open house happening at this facility for JAXA employees and family members right now. We’re going to capitalize on that for our fakeout heist, which will be centered around the museum’s gift shop.” Right because the open house wouldn’t let them have access to the non-touristy shit. “Rook, King, Bishop, you’re going to be on that.” Ugh that wasn’t very detailed. “The fake mark is…” Fuck think of something stupid. “As many of those freeze-dried ice cream things as you can carry.” Okay that left him with 7 pieces for the real heist. “Jack, Clubs, Spades you’re on floor duty, make sure to call in suspicious personnel, we have the map of the space center in the heist planning chat.” He had remembered to do that much at least. “So spread out as much as you can.” Four pieces. “Queen, you know what you need. Get Ace to handle transport.” Should he really be delegating that much power to Queen after his little upstart? Or did it just show insecurity to not trust him? Too late to contemplate. “When you get back to the bus, text us and then take off ASAP.” The jet engine would take up most of the tour bus, so they had to get an alternative means of escape. “Hearts, you and I are going to disable security systems and get the secondary escape car.” That was something he knew how to do at least. “Any questions.”

Kokichi would usually expect a hearty “No sir!” to that concluding statement, but instead he observed a smattering of queer looks from the car full of clowns.

Hearts was the first to pipe up. “Uh, boss, your plan for disabling the security system wouldn’t happen to involve getting into the vents, would it?”

“Yeah.” There wasn’t really a better way to covertly sneak around a facility like this when their identities may be compromised. “What about it?”

Kokichi really didn’t have time for Hearts’s whole ‘I don’t like getting vent dust on my white uniform’ thing. He would just pretend like the whole group misheard him and he assigned her to ground duty in the first place if she said she wanted to swap-

“No, I just think maybe I could handle the security system myself.” Oh. That was a new one. “There’s not really a need for you to... You know, risk yourself.”

Kokichi was suddenly made aware of the bandage that was still wrapped around his forehead. He consciously resisted the urge to graze his hand over it. He didn’t want to play into the whole damaged goods bullshit that was going on right now in terms of how his subordinates were viewing him. Then again maybe that’s exactly what he should do…

“Believe me, I’ve considered the consequences,” Kokichi compelled himself to shed a single tear, clenching his fist like a shounen anime protagonist. “And though I may be suffering great pain and personal injury… I’ll risk it if it means not letting my friends down…”

Queen rolled his eyes, seeming to buy Kokichi’s bit, but Hearts still looked concerned, and now King was getting ready to add his two cents.

“Uh, Boss.” Ugh him and his stupid Nurse’s license, “It’s really fine if you wanna stay back…” Maybe if Kokichi cried he could derail this? “Your head is still healing and if, you know, an accident happens, you could re-open it and then we might have to suture...”

No, crying would just make him look worse now. The power dynamic would make it look like he was trying to convince King to let him go on the heist, which didn’t make sense at all. Maybe he could slot himself into a different group? No, most elements of this plan involved being in civilian wear and that’d just remind his crew about that time he just casually let a detective get a police sketch done of him like one of his french girls. Besides, he didn’t strictly need to participate in every step of this heist anyway. Kokichi’s real goal here was to maintain the idea in his subordinates’ minds that he was not a twerp trying to find the most unreliable time to bleed out. Hmm, okay, let’s go with this then.

Kokichi flashed an incredulous grin before smothering it into an exaggerated damsel expression. “Oh,,, I hate to admit it, but you’re so right, King.” He leaned over dramatically, “Every second is torture in this frail body of mine, it’s taking all my strength just to stand here before you!” He wasn’t standing but that was probably the easiest thing he was lying about right now, “I guess I’ll just have to.. Stay here, and.. Regain my strength… While you guys do all the work.” He pulled out the handkerchief he just remembered he had and was going to blow his nose into it before he remembered at the last second it wasn’t his handkerchief. He settled for a grotesque imitation of blowing his nose instead. He lay down across the back seat in a faint. “Ohh, alas, I fear I am not long for this world…”

   “I vote we leave him here to die.” Jack bought in, rolling her eyes.

   “I second the motion.” That was Queen, and yeah, Kokichi had expected that much.

   “Hey, since when is this a democracy?” Kokichi sat up, adjusting the fluidity of his motions to reflect perfect health once more.

   “Since our boss died,” Jack wiped away a fake tear with her finger. “I miss him every day… Sometimes I even hear his voice…”

Kokichi tossed aside the handkerchief and took a bag of chips out from the seat in front of him where he had seen Bishop stash them earlier. He poured the chips into his own lap and then crumbled up the bag into a ball before throwing it at Jack’s face.

Jack, in turn, batted it away, and it hit Spades, who caught it and threw it back at Jack, who dodged, which led the bag to hit Rook instead. Rook picked it up and got ready to throw it again, but Hearts took it out of their hands, leading to Rook just throwing air at Clubs, who squealed despite nothing actually hitting him and jumped out of his seat.

Okay, success. Concern about Kokichi’s injuries had all but dissipated as Club’s reaction got a smattering of giggles.

“Wow,” He remarked to Hearts, who was still holding the crumpled chip bag. “I’m sure a dove of peace such as yourself can handle the security system all on your lonesome.” He gestured to his lap, which was still covered in chips. “As you see I have other business to attend to.” He picked up one of the chips and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly. When he finished the first chip he issued his final direction. “You guys better get started on your assignments. I’ll be here when you need to hijack the second getaway car.”

“Yes, Boss!” Most of his crew said the words more for their ritualistic purpose of ending the team huddle rather than out of genuine enthusiasm. They collected their gear, mostly stored in beach bags and casual purses, and filtered out of the van one by one. Everyone was still in their civilian clothing, so they’d blend right in with the crowds of tourists and open-house-goers.

And then Kokichi was alone again. Except instead of a plane he was on a tour bus. Eating chips off his lap. He got through them in about four minutes, which he estimated was about how long it would take DICE to get out of sight’s distance from the bus. When that time had passed, he licked the remaining salt and grease of his fingers and then stood up, brushing chip crumbs off his lap. Once he was clean, he picked up the handkerchief he had thrown aside earlier. He folded it up along the crease lines into a square, and put it in his pocket again. He convinced himself it was just because he wanted something to do.

He went up to the driver’s seat, sitting down. He didn’t have his license to drive a normal car, let alone a bus, but it didn’t really matter because the bus’s windows were reflective from the outside. They had parked the tour bus close to the entrance in the bus lane, so Kokichi had a good view of the people coming and going from the space center. If he had put any effort into this plan at all, he might’ve stationed Club or Spade here as a look out. Well, he guessed he was the look out now. Hah. Great.

….

BORED. He was bored again. Hgghghgfffkk.

He considered hitting his head against the horn of the car just to do something and by “considered” he meant he tried to actually do it but missed and almost hit his head on the dashboard before stopping and realizing that was a bad idea. For one, honking the horn would just make the vehicle look conspicuous, which was not ideal for a getaway car. And then there was also the fact that his plan had needlessly included bashing his head again which could open his cut and just cause a big hassle when King got back with his whole ‘I’m a licensed practical nurse’ thing he had going on.

So, okay. No horn honking. Right.

Kokichi took out his phone and checked Discord. The channel for heists had no new notifications. He put his phone away again.

God he was going to die in here. Wow, needy much? Shut up brain. Um.

Kokichi leaned over, smushing his chin against the dashboard, and occupied himself by looking at the passersby and picking out random details to build conspiracies about them. That guy’s shirt was untucked, untucked had eight letters in it, magic eight balls could see the future, eight balls were round, you know what else is round? An eyeball. Illuminati, natch. Next. That woman’s achilles tendon was chapped even though she was wearing sandals, which meant she wore heels a lot. Heel was something you said to train a dog. Who was trying to train the human race like dogs? The Illuminati. Next. That guy had really ugly hair. Looked like he used a lot of gel. Gel has three- wait, what?

Kokichi recognized that dumb hair style. It was almost like… No, it couldn’t be. The guy who had been with Saihara at the Smithsonian. What?

Kokichi didn’t let himself get excited until he spotted the slightly less dumb and slightly more familiar haircut on the guy standing next to him.

There was Shuichi Saihara, who was, apparently, the best detective in the world. Also, he was wearing a T-shirt, which was hilarious because he usually wore business casual button ups under his dark trench coat. Kokichi could see his arms, which were-

Wait, no, forget about his arms. How did any part of him even get here? How did he know? There wasn’t any way- Did he lie? HE LIED TO INTERPOL.

Wow, Saihara had more balls than Kokichi had originally anticipated. He should get out there and tickle them a little.

Kokichi started reformulating everything he had originally thought about this heist. If Saihara was going to buy into the phony heist he would have to get into the mix himself. How much would the detective have learned from their last bout in Milan? He knew about Kokichi’s head injury, surely. Kokichi stood up and headed for the door out of the bus. He would have to make his approach subtly, but the buffoon probably wouldn’t be much trouble to deal with. If anything he might make Saihara easier to trick. They were on the move, Kokichi would have to catch up. Was that woman in the hawaiian button up with them too? Yeah, it seemed like it. When she paused to look around, they paused too, looking back, presumably to see what was keeping her. Her eyes were scanning the crowd like she was some kind of terminator bot or something-

Every part of Kokichi froze when that gaze slipped past his.

He saw her face in that moment. Blunt brunette bangs. A dark birthmark. Blood red eyes.

For one shallow breath, a metallic tang poisoned the air in his lungs.

The eyes glanced unnotably over the JAXA tour bus. And then the red woman just... turned and walked away.

Saihara followed her into the building.

Kokichi sat back down.

…

…

What the fuck was she doing here. --- Shuichi Saihara’s best, it turned out, was most certainly not enough to keep pace with Maki Harukawa in a run across the Tanegashima Space Center’s beautiful green campus. Shuichi had plenty of time to admire that beautiful green color the grass had as he stood doubled over trying to catch his breath in front of the center’s main entrance.

Maki was standing by Kaito, breathing perfectly fine with only a modest sheen on her forehead as evidence of the run. Meanwhile, Shuichi was over here sweating through his t-shirt and trying not to let his lungs burst.

“Is he okay?” Kaito not so quietly whispered to Maki.

“He will be.” Maki replied, “He’s just an idiot who decided black skinny jeans were the way to go even though it’s the middle of the sunny season…”

“In my… Defense…” Shuichi panted out between gulps of air. “I didn’t… know… I’d be… running…  today…”

“Hey man, sweat’s just another word for hard work.” Kaito claimed, coming over to pat Shuichi on the back. “Awesome effort, sidekick.”

“Thanks… Kaito…” Shuichi was still trying to suppress his aching lungs into a normal pattern of breathing.

“Hold your hands over your head.” Maki advised, “It’ll open up your chest.”

Oh right, right. Shuichi should know that by now. He moved up from his hands-on-knees-to-make-sure-he-didn’t-fall-over position to one where his arms were up with his hands on his head. Immediately he found breathing easier, although the air was just as hot and stifling as before.

“You know,” Maki was looking at Kaito now. “We wouldn’t have had to run if you had been more specific before I paid for the parking permit… You said you wanted to show us the launch spectation sites, so our car is parked all the way out there...”

“Well, yeah, I did say that…” Kaito was characteristically unflustered by the accusation, “but, then I realized it would be better to show you guys the museum building first! This way we can take our time looking at the launch viewing sites without having to worry if the museum will be open or not later...”

Shuichi wondered if that was just an excuse for Kaito changing his mind about hiking when he realized how hot it was today.  Kaito had a tendency to be a little unreliable when it came to making plans with friends, but then again Shuichi also had a tendency to forgive him for that.

Maki usually did not. So when Maki just sighed and shook her head, Shuichi took that as a signal to let Kaito off the hook on this one.

…

It was so strange to think that in just another week, Shuichi wouldn’t be able to make any plans with Kaito at all…

Ugh. He shouldn’t think about that right now.

“Hey, what’s with the sour looks, you two?” Kaito’s words made Shuichi aware of his own conflicted expression, “Come on, I know what’ll cheer you up!” Kaito turned, walking towards the entrance and gesturing for them to follow him with a sweeping arm movement.

Shichi complied, but stopped when he noticed Maki wasn’t moving with them.

Instead, she was scanning the parking lot behind them with a dangerous look in her eyes…

“... Maki?” Shuichi asked hesitantly.

She didn’t seem to register him, but Kaito did, turning back around.

“Is something the matter, Maki Roll?” He called.

That seemed to snap her out of it. “It’s nothing.” She shook her head and started walking into the building. “Let’s go inside.”

“Hey, what’d I say about secrets?” Kaito confronted her, but he followed her through the doors anyway, Shuichi not far behind him.

“I never agreed to that…” Maki muttered, still walking. “But it really isn’t anything. I just felt like someone was watching us out there…”

Shuichi felt a chill go down his spine. He had also felt something off, but he thought it was just a him thing. He had been seeing the faces of DICE in random passerby ever since he touched down in Tokyo and it was setting him on edge even though he knew his suspicions were completely unsubstantiated. In fact there had been that big tour group of 9 or 8 people that passed them by while they were at the entrance... Could-

“Oh well, they probably were,” Kaito shrugged, “You know, I’m a famous astronaut and all.”

Oh. Yeah. Duh. Maybe the chill Shuichi had felt was just the museum’s AC …

“That isn’t…” Maki cut herself off, seeming to think better of whatever she had been about to say. “You’re probably right. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Alrighty, whatever you say, Maki Roll.” Kaito moved forward as if the issue was entirely settled and had maybe never been unsettled in the first place. “Now come on! I want to show you something!”

What Kaito had wanted to show them turned out to be a series of star maps that were up for display as a promotion for the upcoming launch. Included were larger infographics about which lights in the sky were actually satellites, but those weren’t what Kaito was interested in.

“Look!” He exclaimed, pointing at a section of one of the maps, “Right here! What do you see?”

“Stars?” Maki asked, looking mildly amused by her boyfriend’s enthusiasm.

“Well, yes but…”

“Oh!” Shuichi exclaimed, now pointing as well. “I recognize this one! It’s the beard of despair!”

He was pointing to a circle of stars that he and Maki had named after the cheek to cheek beard Kaito came back from his winter break with in their last year at Towa Community College.

“Hey, that’s right!” Maki exclaimed.

“Why is that the only one you guys remember…” Kaito grumbled.

Come to think about it, a lot of the stars looked familiar… “Are these the stars that appear over TCC?”

“Well, it varies depending on the season, but yeah that’s what we were looking at most of the time!”

Shuichi was overcome with a wave of nostalgia. He first met Maki and Kaito when he had been doing the mandatory two years of training it took to become a Towa City police officer after he had passed the national exam. He had been disillusioned with a future in his uncle’s practice because the idea of getting paid to dig up dirt had skeezed him out, not to mention that he still had huge doubts about his own ability as a detective to earn a living off of it. A police detective had seemed like a more secure, if more restricting, job than private detective work.

Well, maybe it was more accurate to say that Kaito had met Maki and Shuichi and then decided they were all going to be friends because he said so. He used to make them meet him in the school court yard every night after dark to do exercises of various kinds. Sometimes they put aside exercise in lieu of star gazing when Kaito was in the mood.

“Hey, do you remember when Kaito told us which planets he thought were most like us?” Maki asked Shuichi, probably remembering the same times he was, “And when we asked him what planet he was, he said the sun?”

Shuichi squinted. “Oh yeah… I think I remember…” he vaguely recalled thinking that the planet Kaito assigned him was weird, but he didn’t remember why or which planet it was.

“Well, now that I know more about space and stuff, I think he was right.”

“Aww… Maki Roll.”

She smiled a little. “Yeah… The sun is a big ball of gas, just like him.”

“Hey!” Kaito smacked his chest, acting as if taken aback, but Shuichi was pretty sure he was secretly delighted that Maki admitted to knowing more about space now.

Maki laughed, “This is what you get for talking about astronomy every night…”

Shuichi remarked to himself how long it had taken for Maki’s laugh to seem commonplace in a conversation. She was really a lot more open then she had been when they spent those first few nights under the stars. It was understandable, though, considering…

“Which planets did you say we were again?” Shuichi found himself asking.

“Hm?” Kaito paused, squinting for a second in thought. “Uh… I’m pretty sure it was…”

“You said I was Mars,” Maki supplied, “And I think Shuichi was Venus.”

“Oh yeah!” Kaito made a sort of ‘That’s it!’ gesture with his palm and fist, “Maki was Mars because she tried to seem dry and uninhabitable, but there was definitely a frozen ocean in there somewhere, and Shuichi, you were Venus, because even though you thought you tried to blend in with the stars all the time, sometimes you could appear in the day as a second sun!”

Huh. That was pretty nice to say, but Shuichi wasn’t sure it was what he remembered…

“Oh, wait.” Maki interjected, “Didn’t you say something else last time?”

“Hm?” Kaito put on his ‘I’m remembering something’ face again. “Did I say… Oh yeah!” He laughed. “I said Venus suited Shuichi because Venus is the goddess of love and Shuichi’s clients keep falling in love with him!”

Shuichi suddenly remembered exactly why he had been so offended by Kaito’s characterization of him all those years ago.

Maki gave him a bemused look, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the face you made last time too...”

“Yeah, that’s because it’s a really weird thing to say about my clients Kaito…”

“Oh yeah?” Kaito grinned now that he wasn’t the one being teased, “You can’t say I’m really wrong though, bro…”

Shuichi shook his head, “A detective can’t think that way about his clients! It’s exploitative!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t stop them from thinking that way about you…” Maki pointed out.

“I- What- Maki-” Shuichi did not want to talk about this actually, he turned to Kaito hoping for some kind of escape, but his so-called friend just shook his head.

“You gotta face facts some time, Shuichi. You’re a heart-throb!”

“I don’t know what you mean…” Shuichi was finding that there was nowhere to hide his face and he cursed himself for letting Kaede talk him out of wearing his hat again.

“What about that girl who gave you chocolates?”

Oh, why had he told Maki that story?

“They were just for gratitude-”

“What about the guy who invited you on his yacht?”

Maybe asking his friends to help him out on cases all these years had been a mistake…

“That was to set up a trap for the-”

“The person who asked you out for dinner?”

Hghk.

“That was only to meet another contact-” “But then the contact didn’t show up and it was just the two of you.”

“They got in a car accident!”

What about the guy who pretended to be your husband on a plane? His own brain supplied rather unhelpfully.

*Bweeeeoop* *Bweeeeoop* *Bweeeeoop*

Shuichi had never been so grateful to hear an alarm sound off in his entire life.

Maki and Kaito stopped railing into him, looking around as if to see where the noise was coming from.

“I didn’t even know we had one of those…” Kaito muttered, barely audible over the continuing beep of the alarm. “I’m going to go ask someone what’s going on.” He declared, before storming off into a door marked ‘employees only.’

Maki, seemingly unperturbed by the sign, was about to follow him, but Shuichi grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” He said, retracing his own memory, “Come with me, please.”

“What?” She looked at him like he was crazy. “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere I’m more likely to get in a fight than Kaito…” Under scrutiny, Shuichi found that he didn’t recall seeing that group of suspicious tourists among the exhibits… They disappeared at the entrance, which was by the...

Shuichi started making a beeline for the gift shop, untying his coat and wrestling it onto his shoulders as he went.

“You two are so high maintenance…” Maki grumbled, following him nonetheless.

Sure, Shuichi had thought his gift shop theory was pretty on point, but when he got to the doorway of said gift shop the cartoonishly big mallet coming down over his head took him by surprise.

Maki grabbed him, pulling him back just in time. “Watch where you’re going, idiot.” She scolded him before grabbing the hammer and pulling it out of the hands holding it, which were the gloved hands of, you guessed it, a clown with a checkered scarf, standing over the doorway and poised to pounce.

This wasn’t one of the DICE members Shuichi recognized, but it seemed that they recognized him.

“What the hell is this guy doing here?” They called back into the shop, where Shuichi realized two other DICE members were shoving freeze dried ice cream into a bag, before diving down and trying to sweep Maki’s feet from under her. Maki jumped up and tried to use the gravity of her dodge to kick the clown in the head, but the clown rolled away, hopping back up, where Maki was waiting to meet them with their own mallet in the face.

Shuichi heard a sickening crack and the clown crumpled to the floor.

“Rook!” The leaner looking of the two members grabbing ice cream dropped his bag and ran up to help his friend.

“Maki!” Shuichi exclaimed, rather horrified at this level of violence, “They’re just thieves!”

“What?” Maki asked, unshaken. When she saw Shuichi’s expression, she blinked as if genuinely confused. Then she straightened up in a gesture that Shuichi recognized as sheepish even though her tone remained flat as she clarified, “That wasn’t the clown’s skull, it was the hammer.” She raised the big mallet to show him the end of it, which had popped off, “This is just a toy.”

“Yeah! That don’t mean it don’t smart, lady!” The one on the floor, ‘Rook’ if their friend was to be believed, waved off the other DICE member, rubbing their face under their mask.

“Was I talking to you?” Maki fixed the clown with her patented death glare, taking the stick of the broken mallet and twirling it into a fighting ready position like a bo staff.

“Where’s your boss?” Shuichi muttered aloud. “And the rest of you for that matter…” Maybe the gift shop was a distraction, it didn’t seem like the most attention had been given to it. Then again if there were something happening further inside the facilities then Kaito’s people were probably wise to it by now, so there might not be any point in wondering...

“I dunno, ask your mom!” The bearded DICE member standing next to ‘Rook’ threw something at him.

Maki acted quickly, hitting the object dead-on with the broken mallet handle before it could smack him in the face. It burst open, and by the time Shuichi realized it was a smoke bomb his eyes were already stinging from exposure.

“Gah!” He exclaimed, hiding his face in his arm to prevent himself from inhaling the smoke.

Maki, however, ignored the smoke, pressing forward into the gift shop.

Shuichi stayed back, blocking the doorway and tried to remember if he had seen an external entrance to the gift shop. The question was dismissed from his mind as he heard the clattering of shattering glass and remembered that these thieves had no qualms about making their own exits. When the smoke cleared, Shuichi saw that Maki was now holding the bag stuffed with freeze dried ice cream. She dropped it and started walking towards the wall of windows opposite to the entrance. She pulled back her hair and grabbed the side of the window like she was going to try and climb out the hole at the top, which the clowns seemed to have escaped out of.

Except… As Shuichi came up the steps from the entrance he didn’t see any clowns beyond the window. Remembering DICE’s knack for misdirection, Shuichi did a quick glance around the room and… There!

“Maki!” He called as he moved forward, “There’s a sliding door back by the register!”

It was open just a jar, and as Shuichi got closer he spotted the last DICE member vaulting over the balcony just outside.

Maki beat him to the door, sliding it open and hopping on the balcony. She paused for a second, then turned back to look at him. “Stay here.” She ordered, as if it had crossed her mind Shuichi might try to scale down the wall as well.

He would have found it weird that Maki would take the time to tell him something so obvious as ‘you would fall if you tried this,’ but Shuichi remembered what Maki had said to him before, about not wanting to be alone again. He nodded in an effort to reassure her. “Right, I’ll call the police.”

She seemed satisfied with this, turning around and shifting off the balcony to climb down the wall. Shuichi, in the meantime, pulled out his phone and called 110. The operator put him through to the Kukinaga substation, which was the Tanegashima police station only four minutes away from the space center. Shuichi reported what had happened, and the substation representative asked him to stay put to give a report to the officers when they arrived. He voiced acquiescence and thanked the representative before hanging up.

And then Shuichi was standing alone in a gift shop with broken glass and a bag full of freeze dried ice cream on the ground. He noticed some things he hadn’t before. For instance, it looked like the gift shop was partially divided into a sort of cafe, with a freezer full of purchasable food and tables by the windows to sit and eat. For some reason, he decided that sitting alone in a gift shop with broken glass and a bag full of freeze dried ice cream on the ground would be marginally better, so he pulled out one of the chairs, sitting at the table.

…

It was weird how much time Shuichi sat around, waiting for things to happen. Well, maybe less weird and more just plain old pathetic… He wasn’t really the action type like Maki and Kaito were. A lot of his work as a detective was done in the aftermath of events. He was usually only trying to figure out what had already happened. This whole DICE thing was a bit of a change of pace, requiring him to be able to predict the next course of events and perhaps even stop potential crimes. Except, well, maybe he wasn’t so good at that part of it… Today was pretty clear evidence of that. This gift shop robbery was obviously a ruse covering up some sort of bigger crime. Something similar had happened in Egypt, where in order to keep one room’s artifacts secure, Shuichi had to alert the actual museum security to take care of things. Except, had that really been the right choice? The entire museum besides the room Shuichi was in were rugless because he refused to take action. Shuichi knew that staying in this gift shop would prevent it from being robbed, but he had to weigh that against the great uncertainty of what was happening elsewhere right now. It just felt shitty, knowing he could do nothing right now but wait. It had been part of the reason being a detective had yucked him out when he was a teen. For a while he had been solving exclusively murder cases, which were the worst way to be reminded his job was usually only useful after the horrible things happen… Maybe working on the DICE case had felt good because so much of the work was preventative. Predicting where DICE would strike next always gave him the hope that the next time would be the last and it would all be thanks to him… How stupid…

A memory flashed through his head

“You’re really something else, Shuichi.” A face very close to his had said.

Maybe that was something else about the case that felt good. Chasing DICE’s leader had been light and exciting. A mystery less pursued out of a sense of requirement or needed justice, but rather because the mystery itself was genuinely intriguing. Shuichi had started out fearing that DICE may have had some sort of tie to organized crime or some sort of international conspiracy, but… After investigating into such ties and looking at all past robberies attributed to them, Shuichi had turned up nothing. It was almost comical how good these clowns were at going about their globetrotting crime-spree untraced. And it was weird that Shuichi kept crossing paths with them by almost complete happenstance. Sure, he had predicted their movements in DC, Paris, Reno, and Milan, but Egypt, Taipei, and now… Yeah, completely by chance. Unless… DICE weren’t following him, were they? No, there really would be no point to that at all… Hah, Shuichi was starting to see why Interpol suspected that he had ties with-

Oh, fuck. Interpol.

For about four minutes, Shuichi had forgotten how much trouble he was going to be in. --- [Log of Text Messages from Kaito Momota’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey where are you guys?

I can’t find you anywhere?

From: My Sidekick

Sorry I’m talking to the police right now

From: Me

What??

Bro

I’m gonna need like

A follow up on that

From: Maki Roll

Did you not know the police were here?

From: Me

Uh no

Should I have?

Oh I get it

They’re here about the alarm right?

Well you can tell them it's nothing to worry about

We figured out that a sleeping security guard tripped it on accident...

From: Maki Roll

The museum got robbed

From: Me

What??

From: Maki Roll

Well Shuichi thinks something was stolen

I’m pretty sure I chased the clowns away though

From: Me

Wait the clowns are here?

From: My Sidekick

Sorry Kaito! I’m back

Maki is being questioned now

The alarm going off was probably staged as part of the distraction

Did you check the other exhibits to see if anything was stolen?

From: Me

Yeah everythings fine we did a whole check

From: My Sidekick

What about other buildings on the campus?

Anything missing?

From: Me

Nope everything is where it should be

From: My Sidekick

Well I guess that’s somewhat of a relief

Although that does open up a lot of questions about what exactly happened here…

From: Me

Shuichi I need you to come down to the Space center building

The one with the rocketship

Like right now

From: My Sidekick

What?

What happened?

Kaito?

From: Maki Roll

Where are you guys?

The police are gone and you’re not by the space center

From: Me

We’re chilling in the museum gift shop

From: Maki Roll

What?

It’s not closed?

Isn’t it a crime scene right now?

From: Me

Nah nothing was really stolen

So me and Shuichi were fixing the window

But now we are c h i l l i n g

From: Maki Roll

Huh

I thought you might be investigating still

From: Me

Nah

Shuichi needed to do something with his hands

From: Maki Roll

Oh so you mean Shuichi was fixing the window and you were watching

From: Me

I was moral support!

From: Maki Roll

You know you won’t be able to get other people to do your chores when you’re in space…

From: My Sidekick

He wasn’t making me do it

It was something I needed to do

To like

Avoid freaking out

From: Maki Roll

Oh

Are you okay?

From: My Sidekick

Yes

I just uh

Lost an entire space engine and i can’t do anything about it

From: Maki Roll

What?

From: Me

He did NOT lose a space engine

He was interrupted while doing an investigation on our STOLEN rocket engine

From: Maki Roll

What????

The engine in your shuttle was stolen???

Are you not concerned about that? You can’t fly without one of those right?

From: Me

Hey we’ll find it!

Or maybe we’ll build a new one

It doesn’t matter I’m going to space no matter what!

From: Maki Roll

Wait and you’re not out looking for it right now?

From: Me

Well Shuichi was having a moment here

And hey when it comes to looking after your ride or looking after your sidekick your sidekick has gotta come first

From: Maki Roll

A moment?

From: My Sidekick

I

Uh

Found out I’m on red notice

From: Maki Roll

What’s that

From: My Sidekick

Uh

It like

Means that

Interpol thinks I should be arrested

But Interpol doesn’t actually have the power to arrest me

So they’ve basically told every recognized country in the world to arrest me if I’m spotted

So maybe Japan will try to arrest me if they find that they agree with interpol that I should be arrested

From: Maki Roll

What??

Did you do something???

From: Me

No! He didn’t!

Get this

Some asshole in a green coat just came up

And told Shuichi that his boss thinks Shuichi is too good of a detective to be doing things legally

But it's like

No actually he really is just that good

From: My Sidekick

Hhhhghhhghghhghg

That was Agent Sakakura

Them sending him means they really want me dead…

From: Maki Roll

That’s so stupid

You’re just doing your damn job

Hey do you want me to kill that guy for you?

Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill him for you

From: Me

No you won’t because killing is not good

But your anger is valid I am also very angry about this

From: My Sidekick

Hghfgfhhghhhgggggggggg

From: Me

Hmmm Maki roll Shuichi needs to vent some more so we’ll stop texting

From: Maki Roll

Ok

I’m bringing the car over

Tell me if you want me to kill someone for you Shuichi

From: My Sidekick

No thank you

But I appreciate the sentiment --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “#boss-where-he-shouldnt-be” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Ace: Hey, I know this is like a meme chat

Ace: But it's like the only one boss doesn’t have access to

Ace: And I wanted to know if anyone has noticed anything up with him?

Ace: Because I feel like he’s been kinda weird since we got the rocket

Queen: It’s not a rocket its an engine

Queen: In fact it’s actually only about 2/3s of an engine

King: What do you mean weird?

Queen: Rocket engines are built with mechanisms of fuel oxidization that won’t be strictly necessary for an aircraft that isn’t designed to operate in 0 ppm oxygen environments

Queen: So we’ll have to substitute it with an intake mechanism

Queen: Although the pre-existing combustion mechanism is EXQUISITE

Rook: No one cares queen

Queen: Its an important distinction

Hearts: Queen we have a channel for infodumping

Hearts: rn this channel is for gossiping about boss

Ace: He’s been quiet

Ace: Idk ive been worrying about it

King: Do you think it has to do with his injury?

Ace: Naw like

Ace: I feel like he was actin weird because of that before the space station

Ace: But now he’s actin weird a different way

Ace: Like before he seemed a little terse

Ace: And now he’s like catatonic in conversation

Queen: wym

Queen: I literally talked to him five seconds ago

Rook: no wait that is suspicious

Rook: if I were him I wouldn’tve just sat there and let you yap

Queen: oh shut up

Rook: MAKE ME

Ace: honestly i don’t know

Ace: but like you guys saw that detective guy there right

Ace: Do you think something happened with them that we didn’t see

King: What??

Jack: Oh you mean how boss definitely has a crush on him

King: What?????

Jack: Literally in Paris he dropped his entire 100 page plan just to go bully that guy

Jack: He’s like a middle schooler pulling pig tails

Hearts: Hmm… Hate to bring it down but pulling pigtails is a misogynistic notion that reinforces the normalization of violence against women...

Jack: It's true tho

Jack: My pigtails got pulled all the time because as you all know I am extremely attractive

Hearts: Maybe they were just bullying you darling

Spades: Yeah I can see that /s

Spades: Hey you know who really normalizes violence against women?

Spades: That detective guy

Spades: He flipped me in Milan!

Spades: Guy knows fucking aikido or some shit

Spades: And boss isn’t really a fan of violence

Rook: No wait

Queen: What? I thought he really liked yamikawaii shit

Rook: Even though that guy’s friend literally gave me a black eye

Spades: No I’m pretty sure he hates it

Rook: I see what Jack is saying

Rook: Boss totally has a thing for him

Rook: Like literally you can see the hearts pop into his eyes when he spots that guy

Rook: He dropped a display case on my foot when you told him the detective was in Cairo

Ace: Okay well thats not what I meant though

Jack: What you mean you don’t think he got his heart broken by aged up kid conan

Clubs: Conan’s name in his adult form is Shinichi Kudo.

Clubs: Also I think that talking behind Boss’s back is kind of not cool guys. :(

Spades: If you snitch I’m firing you from being my brother

Clubs: :(

Ace: I just meant like maybe he embarrassed himself platonically

Ace: Or I guess adversarially? Idk whatever word you would use for that

Queen: kismesissitude

Ace: What?

Spades: I will swiftly execute you

King: I mean i guess i could see him getting bent out of shape about that

King: But we were kinda onto the detective the whole time

King: I don’t think they would’ve had time to interact at all

Jack: Maybe he’s just sad he missed him

Ace: Ok sorry I don’t know if he’s sad

Ace: Just maybe in a weird mood

Ace: We haven't been in japan for a while and we haven't stuck around a place for more than a week in an even longer while

Ace: It’s putting me in a weird mood too so maybe that’s it

Hearts: Yeah he always likes to be on the move maybe he’s just antsy

King: Or maybe he feels bad cuz Rook got kinda beat up today?

King: I mean I feel bad about that

Rook: I’m okay <3

King: I know <3

Queen: Gross

Queen: You two are literally sitting right next to each other get a room

Bishop: He seems fine to me

Spades: Oh wow Bishop stopped scarfing for a second to weigh in...

Bishop: And by fine I mean terrible because he just dipped his pork dumpling in his panta right in front of me

Bishop: Also you guys know he can see you texting each other right

Bishop: We’re literally all eating at the same table rn

Queen: Oh yeah

Spades: Oops

[bensboynton]

be there b.h

anon asked: hey may I please have an imagine where you are away on a work trip for like a couple of months and Ben has to look after his teenage daughter and she gets her period and he freaks out before taking care of her and figuring life out? maybe he can ring Gwilym because you’re not picking up your phone? sorry if that’s weird

I got so inspired reading this prompt omfg… i think this turned out pretty good lemme know what you think! I also decided to write this in a different tense than i normally do.

y/n isn’t really involved in this, but she’s mentioned a bit :)

wc: 1.8k

warnings: swearing, unedited, mentions of periods and everything that goes along with it, fluffy ben w daughter

“Remember, soccer practice 5-6:30 on Tuesday and Thursday, and she’s having Madison over for a sleepover on Friday, so you need to get them pizza and ice cream if they ask. Check on them once every few hours but not too much-”

“Honey, I got it under control. I promise.” Ben chuckled at his wife’s excessive worrying. It really can’t be that hard taking care of a teenage girl alone for a week, can it? “You’ll be late for your flight.” Ben continued. She let her eyes graze over the expanse of her home before leaning in and kissing her husband on the lips.

“I’ll see you in a week. Good luck.” She said, wheeling her suitcase behind her. Ben laughed, but deep down was slightly nervous. He hasn’t been the sole caretaker of Allison for longer than five days, and that was when she was four.

She was a lot nicer when she was four.

Now she’s 13, and she spends a lot of time in her room and always asks to go to her friend's house. Not that Ben would complain, though. He was convinced he was the favorite parent (even though Allison never told him that).

Tonight, you were planning on taking her to the mom and pop diner, Delilah's Diner, that was around the block from their house, which happened to be Ally’s favorite place to eat.

“Al, we’re going to head over to Delilah’s in ten minutes is that good?” Ben bellowed through the house, hoping she could hear him. There wasn’t a response.

“Allison? Did you hear? We’re leaving in ten.” Ben tried again, but all that followed his words was silence. She must have her damn headphones in. Ben was starting to go up the stairs when Allison bounded down them, her blonde locks flying behind her.

“Do you think we could just go now?” She said breathlessly when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Yeah, I guess so. Are you hungry?” Ally nodded feverishly before hooking her arm with her dad’s and walking them out to the car. Ben’s heart melted at her gesture.

--

Ben and Ally had an oddly amazing conversation at dinner. They had sat and talked for two hours about anything and everything that came to mind. They had milkshakes and ate way more food then they should have.

After they were finished, the pair walked home, laughing and reminiscing on when Ally was little, or when Ben and Y/N first started dating. She was especially intrigued when Ben told her how her mom had dumped Ben for a solid two weeks before they got back together.

Ally went into her room when they got home and changed into comfier clothes, and met Ben back in the living room. The two of them sat on the couch and watched an entire season of Riverdale. Ben hadn’t seen the first season and was incredibly out of the loop and asked Ally about a thousand questions.

“Wait, so are they dating?” He had asked as he took a sip from his glass of water.

“No! Dad, we’ve been over this. They broke up three episodes ago.” Ally had spoke between giggles.

“Ah, that’s right, my bad.” Ben had responded back.

Ben felt his eyes start to droop and a yawn squeeze it’s way through his lip before he looked at the clock and realized the time. “Holy shit, it’s 3 am!” Ben exclaimed, practically jumping up and scaring the shit out of Ally.

“Oh god… so much for me passing my math test tomororw.” Ally muttered, beginning to scurry off to her room. Ben bit his lip in thought.

“If you want… I could keep you home from school? Take you to your ‘doctor’s appointment?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows playfully at his daughter in the dark.

“I don’t have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” she responded, not seeming to understand where Ben was going with this.

“Yes, darling I know that. But I could keep you home from school and tell a little white lie? If you want.”

“You just asked if I want to stay home from school for no reason? Is that even a question? Yes. Please,” Ally responded, letting out a slight laugh as she ran up to her dad, “thank you, Dad. I love you,” she murmured into his chest.

“I won’t tell Mom if you promise you won’t,” Ben stated, pulling away from Ally slightly.

“Wouldn’t dream of snitching on you.”

“Glad to hear that.”

Ally bounded away from Ben back to her room, and the father’s cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so hard. Maybe he is the favorite parent.

--

“Ally, you almost ready?”  Ben yelled impatiently as he waited for her in the kitchen. His leg was bouncing slightly from anxiety. He was worried Y/N would somehow find out about their shenanigans. There was no answer from his teenage daughter.

“Al?” Ben yelled again. And just like last time, no response. He yelled her name a few more times and there wasn’t an answer. Ben assumed yet again that Ally had her headphones in. He trudged up the stairs, walking into her room to find her bed made and completely empty. He was confused.

“Ally?” Ben said again, before walking out of her room and noticing the light on in the bathroom. He knocked on the door lightly, “you almost ready to go?” he asked. He heard a few sniffles and a soft “yeah.”

His heart dropped at the sound of her voice. She sounded like she had been crying. “Are you okay, love?” Ben spoke through the door, his voice soft and tender. There was a pause before he heard some shuffling from in the bathroom. She opened the door, revealing her slumped shoulders and puffy eyes.

Ben didn’t miss a beat before wrapping her in a tight hug, hoping to comfort her. He searched her eyes for a moment, waiting for her to say something.

“Dad… I-I think I…” she started to say before looking down at her feet in her embarrassment. Ben gently lifted her chin up to look at him again, silently urging her to keep talking.

“I think I just got my period.”

Oh fuck.

This week had been so simple and enjoyable for Ben. He was about to take his daughter out for breakfast and relax all day, probably have some more ice cream. And now he had to figure out how to deal with this.

“Oh. Well… okay. Give me a second, love. Just sit down for a second.”

Ally nodded and sat down on the closed toilet, staring ahead at the wall. Ben walked quickly into the living room, dialing Y/N’s phone number into his phone as fast as he could.

He put it to his ear, expecting to hear his wife’s sing-songy voice in a few moments. But it went to voicemail. Ben repeated the process multiple times, but there was no response. He mumbled a few curses under his breath before closing his eyes to think about what to do.

Gwilym.

He had two daughters, and one of them was well into their teens. He would know. Ben dialed his number, crossing his fingers slightly to increase the chances of Gwil picking up. And he did.

Relief coursed through the body of the blonde at the sound of the lanky man’s voice. He explained what was going on to Gwil, which caused Gwil to let out a chuckle.

“I was the same way when that happened with Kelsie. Her mom was at the store, and I kinda had to figure it out. Leave the ‘talk’ to Y/N; just get her whatever she wants. And make sure she’s not in pain. Let her talk, but let her hide in her room if she wants. Just be there for her.”

Ben was eternally grateful for Gwil’s advice, and made a mental note to send him a thank-you text later on as he walked back to the bathroom.

“Ally? I think your mom has some stuff you could use in her bathroom.” Ben’s voice was quiet and calm, and he led Ally to the bathroom he shared with her mom.

He opened up the cabinet under their sink and grabbed a few pads and tampons, quickly explaining what they were to his daughter.

“This is a pad, which goes in your underwear and just catches all the blood. And this,” Ben paused, holding it in front of him, “is a tampo, and it-”

“Yeah, I know what a tampon is, dad.”

“O-Oh okay.”

The two of them sat in silence for a while, on the floor in Ben’s bathroom. “I’m scared, dad,” Ally whispered softly into the silence of the bathroom. Ben whipped his head up to look at her, tears welling up in her eyes. He immediately pulled her into a tight hug, comfortingly rubbing her back.

“Love, it’s really not a big deal! I promise-” Ben began to speak before Ally interrupted.

“It’s not this. I knew it was going to happen I just… it just hit me that I’m not a little kid anymore. And I'm eventually going to college and I’ll live alone and get married and have kids and I’m scared.”

Ben felt his heart shatter in his chest at the sound of his daughter so heartbroken. He pulled away slightly and grabbed her shoulders, looking her directly in the eyes.

“Al, baby. That stuff is in the future. You’ve got a long time to prepare for that. And you’re going to be ready, I know it. Just take things one day at a time. Get through 8th grade before you start worrying about getting married, okay?” he paused and flashed a comforting smile at Ally.

“And your mom and I are going to be there with you, every step of the way. We got your back. We will always be there for you. When you graduate from high school, we’ll be there. When you get married, we’ll be there, god forbid you have kids, we’ll be there! Always. I promise. You’re going to be okay. If I can get through adult life and somehow manage to find someone as amazing as your mom to marry, you’ll do just fine.”

Ally was crying again, trying to wipe the tears out of her eyes before they slid down her cheeks. She gave a half smile at Ben during his little speech.

“I’ll go pick up some breakfast and we’ll finish watching Riverdale, yeah?” Ben spoke, waiting for Ally to approve or deny his little plan. She nodded, and Ben helped her out to the couch. He kissed her lightly on the head before walking out, texting Y/N and filling her in on the situation.

And, even though he hated Riverdale, Ben would watch it over and over again to make his little girl smile. He was scared shitless for Ally’s future and his own, but deep down he knew that as long as he had his two favorite girls in the world by his side, everything would turn out okay.

[thatonegirljessy99]

Longing To Feel Love (3)

As BTS become more popular, your relationship with Yoongi is taking a hit to the point where you begin to feel alone even when he is in the room. What will it take for him to say enough is enough and open up to you.

Pairing: Y/N x Yoongi

Extras in this: Lu Han

Word count: 2,727

Warnings: Fluff mostly with a bit of wondering hands, nothing you need to hide from your parents.

 Yoongi had not been able to focus at all at the fan meet and greets or at the groups dance practice.

At the meet and greets he had accidentally called a few of the fans your name which only made them giggle and thank him for thinking they were as pretty as you He of course chuckled and played it off as a joke, not admitting that to him none of those girls could compared to how beautiful you looked when you walked around your home him just his flannel in the mornings with a coffee mug in your hands and your hair up in a bun. No makeup or effort required. He also kept looking over at his phone to see if you would even attempt to call or text him, which you normally didn’t when you knew he was busy or while you were at work. It got o bad that Namjoon who was sitting to the left of him ended up taking his phone and placing it in the pocket of his jacket, much to Yoongi’s dislike.

During dance practice he kept ripping over his own feet while executing sequences that would normally be very simple to any member of the group. By the end of the practice their choreographer had lectured Yoongi about having to work hard to pay more attention and trying hard her next time. Not that Yoongi payed any attention to him. By then he was tired and his mind had began to think of things that could have happened today with you and Lu Han.

She isn’t like that you idiot. She wouldn’t mess around with some other guy just because you’re-

“Suga! We are at your apartment! What is going on wit you today? You should be more concentrated on your act if you want to help the group become the best that it can be! We can’t have you dragging everyone down because you aren’t feeling it today! Tomorrow we only have studio time and dance practice so I expect to see your head back on properly by tomorrow when we come to get you!” the groups manager barked at Yoongi who only nodded and got out of the van fishing his keys from his pocket.

When he walked in he took off his shoes and looked around to see no one was home.

She works today after class. She should e getting back in an hour or so…

“Aish, I’ll just go ahead and take a nap and shower before she gets home so we can eat dinner together… 7… 8:30. Yeah that’s when she normally sends me a text she is home. I have an hour or so to sleep and wash up,” he mumbled while making his way to your bedroom and laying down on the bed.

He tried to get comfortable as his eyelids began to refuse his orders to open. And yet, even when he was sleeping all he could see was you with Lu Han, running into his arms as he pulled you into a tight hug and kissing you passionately. He saw as u Han gave you a bouquet of flowers before both of you getting into his car and driving away. It got to him so much that when he woke up Yoongi found himself sweaty once more. Looking at the clock, an hour had gone by so he knew that he should jump in the shower now before he got himself worked up.

You had just gotten into the house when you heard the shower begin to run making you smile slightly when you saw Yoongi’s shoes by the entrance. Having taken the bus home you felt the busy day begin to drag you down as you made your way through the house. Letting your bag fall onto the ground next to your bed, you stripped down to nothing before walking into the bathroom without Yoongi noticing.

His eyes were closed with his head tilted back as the water washed down over his body. The restroom was filled with fog from the hot water that was being used to try and relax Yoongi’s anxiety. Without a word you stepped into the shower behind Yoongi and wrap your arms around his waist, your head resting against his back after placing a kiss on his shoulder. No one said a single word, Yoongi only taking a deep breath as he placed his hands on yours and smiled lightly.

“Long day?” his voice came out soft as he tried to keep himself in check and not interrogate you right away.

“Not as long as yours but yeah. We had a lot of difficult customers at the shop today. But I got to see an old friend today,” you hummed into his skin before he turned around to face you.

He looked tired, more than normally. It made you worry about him because of how much busier their schedule had become in the group all of a sudden to keep up with fan demands. Your right hand found its way up to his cheek, your thumb rubbing small circles into his soft skin as you memorized his features. His eyes were trained on you, taking your right hand into his and kissing it softly before leaning his forehead down onto yours.

“I saw… Lu Han is back in town. Didn’t he leave so he could be away from SM? I don’t get why he has to be here now,” he scoffed looking off to the side.

“He is done filming and came to see me for a bit oppa. I haven’t seen him in almost a year,” you sighed knowing where this was all going so you did your best to stop it. You took his jaw in your hand and forced him to look at you through the water droplets dripping from his hair,” it was just a car ride to work and gave me a flower. Nothing happened or will happen okay? You trust me right Yoongi?”

Your eyes were searching his for any sort of reaction. They were so hard as he tried to fight with his inner demons that were shouting at him that Lu Han being around was a threat. But just seeing you in front of him, looking like you needed him to believe you, his eyes softened.

“Of course I trust you Y/N. I’m not going to stop you from hanging out with a friend if you want to… just… please,” he couldn’t find what he wanted to say.

Don’t leave me? Don’t hurt me? Don’t go away? He didn’t have to finish his sentence for you to smile at him lovingly and kissing him softly.

“I won’t as long as you don’t,” you assured him with a smile.

This was what he loved, you being able to hear what he said without him even saying a word. It was as if you were specially tuned to understand what he couldn’t form into words. You also called him by his name. It made everything seem more real to him and not some sort of act like in dramas or music videos where someone had a love interest.

That was all that was said between you two as you began to was each other, you humming absent mindedly as you both enjoyed this calm moment between you two. It was nice to have a moment where you two just enjoyed each other’s presents without shouting or crying.

Once you were both out of the shower, Yoongi helped you dry your hair carefully and lent you one of his black shirt to wear before you both decided to order dinner from a pizza shop in town. You both sat on the couch, with Yoongi sitting against the corner and his legs open so that you could sit between them and lean back against his chest watching Call Me Mother.

“I can’t believe people can treat a kid like that,” you frowned feeling your stomach tighten when you saw how the mother’s boyfriend treated the little girl in the show.

“Yeah, I would probably rather jump off a cliff than treat a kid like that man does. He’s just trash,” he agreed sighing,” let anyone touch your or our kids like that and let’s see where that get them.”

A giggle escaped your mouth as you thought of your boyfriend getting the rest of the guys after a man trying something on your child. It was funny to you because of how realistic that was. As the show went on Yoongi began to get text messages right when the pizza arrived. He quickly looked down at the phone and sighed when he saw it was a group message from Manager Kim. He really didn’t want to think about work right now so he just set his phone dawn and smiled as you walked up to him with the pizza in hand.

“Of my order of pepperoni pizza came with a sexy delivery girl, how nice,” he smirked taking the pizza box and placed it on the coffee table in front of you two then pulled you to straddle his lap.

“Oppa! I thought you had said you were hungry,” your giggled, your arms hanging over his shoulders with your hands running through his freshly washed hair.

“Mmm what if I want to have some dessert first?” he teased as his hands slipped from your waist to your ass causing both of you to laugh before you sat down once more in your original spot and handed him a slice of pizza.

You were both once more focused on the television when you heard a phone vibrating none stop. Without even thinking you reached to grab Yoongi’s phone and checked to see what was going on.

“Ugh! Please don’t tell me what Manager Kim is saying… I had a bad day and if this is him reprimanding me for it again I don’t care,” Yoongi huffed but you stayed quiet.

“Yoongi… you need to pack your bag. Some rookie group dropped out a set of interviews for a company in Japan so they called Manager Kim to get BTS on the open time slots and he said yes… you will be in Japan for the next four days and Manager Kim set up a few fan meet and greets while you are in Japan,” you spoke in a soft voice trying to keep a smile on your face.

Your heart felt heavy at the thought of Yoongi having to leave and being gone for most of the week. He was not very good at texting or calling you with most of the effort being done by you. But knowing that for your birthday left a bitter taste in your mouth, not that it was his fault.

“Y/A, come on, lets finish watching this episode and then we can go to bed,” Yoongi frowned seeing the messages over your shoulder.

Everyone seemed excited to be leaving tomorrow on a small trip because of the promise to have some down time while they were in Japan.

“Your plane leaves at six in the morning Yoongi. You need to go to bed now so you can be at the airport in time to get your flight. I’ll pack your things for the trip,” you smiled sadly getting up from your spot between his legs and putting your half-eaten slice of pizza in the box once more.

Once in your room you walked into the walk-in closet to retrieve the black luggage bag Yoongi took on short trips like this. Filling it with his things you added a small picture frame of you two among his shirts. It was one that you two had taken almost a year ago at an amusement park with Yoongi having his arms around you as you snapped a picture with him in front of the merry go round. You both looked so happy in that picture, it had been one of those days of that Yoongi had more of back then.

“Jagiya… come on, leave it. I’ll just get up early and pack everything myself, but come to bed with me. I know this isn’t the best time but I would like to at least go to bed with you before I leave,” Yoongi mumbled against your neck when he came up behind you, his arms wrapping around you tightly so his chest was against your back.

“I already finished… I know what you normally pack...” you answered tilting your head to the side a bit feeling him begin to pepper kisses on your neck.

Feeling his warm breath against your skin made your skin begin to buzz. His hands slipped under the shirt you were wearing drawing small circles over your stomach as you pressed yourself against him a bit more. You could almost hear him grin at your reaction to his touch but it was no secret he could make your stomach fill with butterflies with the slightest touch after four years of being together.

You finally just gave in and followed him back to bed where he resorted to pulling you close under the covers. Your legs were tangled together with your arms curled against your chest and his arms around you protectively. You didn’t want to think about tomorrow and neither did he but both of you knew that it was inevitable. So instead of dwelling on the future you did your best to try and sleep before hearing Yoongi begin to sing for you. It had been a while since that happened, but you were not about to tell him to stop. It was a very welcomed surprise that you loved. He never sang any of their songs or rapped any August D songs, it was always some song that you listened to in the care and he just so happened to notice how you smiled at the words.

They were gone and you were now standing by at your house making coffee for one and mentally wishing you could give Manager Kim a piece of your mind. It had been maybe two hours since BTS had landed in Japan and you feed was already flooded with #BTSInJapan and #WelcomeToJapanBTS. Some girl had even taken a picture with the group and was able to kiss your boyfriend’s cheek only to tag you in it with the caption “@Y/Nofficial looks like Suga enjoy my kisses more than yours ;P”

Only being able to roll your eyes you put your phone down and heard your door bell ring making you smile.

Lu Han to the fucking rescue!

“I brought sugar donuts!”

Yup, to the fucking rescue.

“Don’t let that get to you Y/N, we both know how some fans can be. You have been in his game for just as long as BTS has been around so you can’t tell me this is a big surprise,” Lu Han chuckled while stuffing his mouth with a donuts.

“I know but it doesn’t stop bothering me! Did you know he got jealous over your snapchat video and yet I have to sit here and take it when his fans feel like being a pain in the a-“

“Y/A! Calm down! Look, it’s your birth week. Lets just have a good day today and worry about that loser later, did you get someone to cover your shift?” He asked looking at you.

“Yeah, the girl that I worked with yesterday said she needed the extra money anyways,” you nodded at him while sipping your caffeine,” So what should we do today?”

“I was getting the itch to spend some money and get some new clothing if you know what I mean,” Lu Han winked pulling out his wallet,” I think it’s high time I buy you a dress to replace to replace the one I ruined last time.”

“In that case lets go loser, I need to be ready for the next Gala I have to show up at,” your voice rang cheerfully though the room with joy reaching your eyes once more.

Oh Lu Han, leave it to him to be able to get you out of any slump you were in with clothing. Or at the very lease just get you mind away from your phone long enough for rumors to not reach your ears.

[dark-blueheart13]

Insanity

Disclaimer: I Own Anastasia!

Tagging: @helluvawriter @sjwrites22 @moxleyunstable

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick –

“Shut uuuup!” Anastasia whined as she glared at the dreaded clock. Time was moving slowly for her as is; the clock just loved to mock her. Life liked to mock her in general, but this…this was painful.

You see, Anastasia or Ana, a WWE Diva, is currently on the shelf due to a birth defect becoming aggravated in the ring. “Get the surgery they said…you’ll be okay they said.” Ana cursed the gods above. Of course she had to be the one out of hundreds to get the accursed defect.

Sighing, she attempted to prop up. She’s been bed ridden for weeks since the surgery and tomorrow is the day she hopes to get good news from the doctor.

They better put me in a boot tomorrow or so help me…I will amputate my own foot…. Ana thought bitterly. She was never one to sit still. It really bothered her that she’s been stuck in her house. Somedays are worse than others, and it only took a week for her to go stir crazy and laugh and cry from the sight of a door.

           She’s had no friends visit her, seeing as all of her friends are touring, and she has no family to call her own.

Meow

           Oops. Scratch that. She did have a family and damn it all he knew what she was thinking. “Sorry cat…” Ana lovingly spoke to her current visitor. Said visitor jumped onto her bed purring and eyeing her with an attitude only she could ever read. The large, lengthy, black cat carefully moved around lying next to her injured ankle and foot.  

           She smiled. Salem the cat was her best friend and damn did she miss him while she was on tour. Yet, in that same thought, there is currently one person who she truly misses with all her heart. Lucky her she’s here bed ridden and he’s…well…on tour with the rest of the wrestlers. Tears pricked at her eyes. No, she thought, I would like to go one day without having some fucking breakdown.

Growling angrily she rubbed at her eyes and carefully got out of bed. Salem looked on with some cat pity she’s guessing. She hobbled out of her room out onto the patio. She didn’t have much time to be out there, but she didn’t care. She needed to get out of the house even if it meant going against the doctor’s wishes.

Opening the sliding door, she smiled slightly at the smell of rain and the sound of thunder. “I’m not going back in….not for a long damn time” she stated trying to convince herself that she would be fine. As much as she wanted to be outside in a storm, she really didn’t like the thought of having to go to the doctor and be told she needs to stay in her cast.

Sighing, she sat down on the swinging bench. This was the first time she’s been outside for days. She couldn’t help but wonder if Seth had gone as stir crazy as she had…

No! Stop crying! Don’t!

A whimper escaped her as she started to laugh that slowly decayed into a sob. She missed wrestling, she missed traveling, she missed her friends…more importantly she missed Seth. The phone calls with him temporarily calmed her. Then, not even five minutes later, her heart would start to ache. She missed human interaction in general, but she really missed her Seth. He had no idea what was happening to her on the other side of the phone, nor was she going to tell him.

When she was on tour, she had others to distract her from missing Seth while he was out on the shelf; however, it didn’t stop the lowly ache she felt returning back to an empty hotel room.

While lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice her front door open or hear the loud thud of baggage hitting the wooden floor of her prison.

He’s probably replaced you by now ya know….

You’ve been away for a while; you think he wouldn’t need….attention…?

He’s cheated before on someone better than you…what makes you think he’ll stay faithful to you?

He’s the future of the WWE Company, even if he doesn’t leave you now; someone better will come along just. To. Replace. YOU!

“STOP!!!!” The poor girl screamed sobbing more. Trapped in her own thoughts, her demons found the perfect time to strike. They always did.

Immediately, she screamed as the patio door slammed opened. Good thing they didn’t have neighbors that lived next door in the Summer time.

There he stood, the man the demons tortured her with; her lover, her everything, her Seth. Seth didn’t even have to look at Ana long to know she was upset. Everything she was currently threw him off, and not in a good way.

Her hair was a mess, hands gripping her head tightly, her body curled into itself on the swing as best she could. He squinted slightly; she dug her nails into her skull enough to draw blood. Seth knew he would have to act quickly and carefully.

Despite his own nerves, he smiled gently at Ana. “I’m back” he stated. As he took a step forward, Ana whimpered. That made Seth’s blood run cold. Was she scared of him? Seth knew when he started to date Ana she had what she’d like to call “baggage.” She suffered from depression and personality disorder, but that didn’t stop him from loving her.

He’s seen her depressed, he’s seen her anxious, and he’s seen the immediate change in her personality that lasted maybe ten minutes top before she turned back into the sweet, caring, goofball he fell in love with. She was such a strong woman who went through hell and back with so many battles, including with herself.

This…this was something he’s never seen before from her and that terrified him.

He wasn’t worried about himself, he was worried about Ana. She had this crazed look in her eyes that could definitely put Ambrose’s to shame. She looked like a cornered animal. Eyes filled with fear and anger.

“Ana….” He started gently before she cut him off. “What are you doing here…?” she eyed him warily. He almost scoffed, but held himself from doing so. Did she forget? He promised her she would be there with her when the cast was taken off her leg. Luckily, he had a very flexible schedule despite being high in demand in the ring. He would be able to stay with her for the next few weeks, minus the Mondays for Raw.

He wouldn’t leave her alone through her injury. She visited often as she could when he was out and sent him so many gifts she knew he’d love. She would Skype for hours with him even if she had a four in the morning flight. She didn’t care; she would go through the ringer for him. She even fought Vince to give her leave. No one did that.

No one.

That’s another thing he loved about her, she wore her heart on her sleeve and would go through hell just to make sure everyone she cares about is happy; even when she’s depressed or having panic attacks. She makes him feel ways that his ex-fiancé and girlfriend never made him feel. He would be damned before her hurt her or let anything hurt her.

“Ana…I came home to help you—“   “I don’t need your help!” She spat at him. He could see fresh tears prick her eyes and it broke his heart. “ I promised you I would take off…so here I am…to help you..”

As he carefully moved to the swinging bench, he saw she looked at him with contempt. He cursed himself. What had happened? Had she been like this since surgery? Why didn’t he notice anything? Why didn’t she tell him? They had talked every day, what changed?

As he sat down next to her, she glared tearfully at him. “Ana…I came home to be with you, just like you did with me…” he said gently. Ana looked at him. His eyes held sincerity. Sincerity, concern, and…love?

No, that couldn’t be right.

She started to laugh.

This confused Seth. Why was she laughing? This laughter…it gave him chills. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t her anxiety laughter, it wasn’t her normal laughter, it was…disturbing. He was startled as her laughter was mixed with crying.

Seth was at a loss.

But it didn’t mean he would give up on her.

On them.

“Ana….you know I love you right.” No response, but the laughter…crying. Whatever you wanted to call that demented noise…stopped.  “Do you..?” She asked bitterness coating her voice. If it were anyone else questioning his love, he would be pissed. With Ana in this…condition…whatever it was…he couldn’t afford to take offense.

“What do you mean….? Talk to me babe….” He gently pulled her towards him. To his surprise, she allowed him. So far so good. “I’ve been away for a few weeks…gave you enough time to find someone…better…” she muttered sniffling. Seth could feel his heart drop. For Seth, that was his baggage. He was the infamous cheater, whose nudes were sent everywhere on the internet. As much as it stung, he knew he couldn’t blame her, especially in her condition to question him. Normally, she never questioned his love for her, even in her depressive episodes. Now? Who knows how she feels about him. But it wasn’t about him right now, it was about calming her down. If it meant locking himself up and never go outside again just to calm her down and gain her broken trust, he would do it.

“Anastasia…I would never, ever cheat on you…I love you too much..” Ana glared at Seth, which made her look like a sad puppy. He would’ve laughed at any other moment. “You loved…” “Yeah I did! But you know what? I love you more than either of them. You are so special to me Ana. I have no words to describe how much I love you. I will tell you what I tell you every time you question your self-worth. You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are viscous when you want to be both in and out of the ring…hell you threatened Vincent Kennedy McMahon to give you time to come be with me! No one would do that! No one, not even me!...well I would when it comes to you…but still!”

Seth prayed he was getting through to her. He swore he could have seen a ghost of a smile on her lips. He wasn’t going to jinx his luck. “Ana, I should have come home sooner….” This caused her to look up in shock. “No Seth I...” “No, I should’ve known you needed me, I should have known something was wrong the first time we talked after you came home for surgery. I love you so much Ana…sometimes it drives me insane…I hate being on tour without you…I hate knowing you’re in pain and I can’t reach you to show you how much I love you…”

He looked her in the eyes as he spoke, hoping his words would get through to her. He gently wiped her tears away. “It hurts me when you hurt whether it be physically or emotionally. I love you…and no matter how many times you question me or my love, I will always remind you how special you are to me….”  Seth felt the distrust melt away from Ana. “Seth….I’m sorry…” she whispered laying her head on his chest. Ana finally felt like the weight of the world left her shoulders. However, she knew it was temporary. Despite that knowledge, she also knew that Seth would always be hers and she his. Just like he would help and love her through everything, she would do the same for him.

Seth said nothing and hugged her closer. After a few minutes he looked at the clock. It read twelve in the morning. He smiled knowing soon she’ll feel better when she gets out of her cast. Only six more weeks until she comes back on tour with him. Until she’s where she belongs.

“Seth?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you get time off…?”

Seth paled at the memory. Where he threatened Vince and told him that he owes him this. Seth Rollins would quit unless he could go home to help the love of his life. Luckily for him, Hunter understood that, as well as Stephanie. They were the ones to really give him the okay as long as he makes it for Raw.

“Well…..”

 The End

[new-rituals]

Money Diaries - End of March

Day One: 3/25

9 a.m. — I “wake up” - in reality it means I stare at my phone with one eye shut and lay in bed for another hour browsing Reddit and FB

10 a.m. — Finally decide to get out of bed, brush my teeth, and go to the kitchen. My mom bought me cheesecake from an Asian bakery! She’s leaving for China today, so I make myself 2 cups of espresso with soy milk and sit in the kitchen at chat with her until she leaves for her flight at noon.

11 a.m. — My friends and I were planning a trip to Seattle for my friend’s going away trip, and we finally booked the flight back (even though we haven’t bought our flight there yet)!!! My dad tells me to use his card cause he gets points. It was $118, but I give him $100 in cash cause I don’t have loose bills. He says its fine. $100

12 p.m. — My dad brings my mom to the airport, and I decide to try to get some interview prep done. I start by reading an article about Dropbox from the NYT since I’m trying to get into the habit of reading the news every day.

2:30 p.m. — I have work at 3:30, and it takes me a while to do my make-up and hair, so I retreat to my room to get ready.

3:45 p.m. — Finally head out for work! Another exciting day in retail.

6 p.m. — The store was crazy with terrible customers. I finally go on my 15 minute break and stop by Smashburger for a Neapolitan shake and rosemary fries. I manage to finish all the fries within 10 minutes, and I’m proud but disgusted with myself. $7.96

7:45 p.m. — I get off work 15 min late because the store was trashed. I’m exhausted and finally head home.

8 p.m. — My dad was waiting at home for me to eat dinner. We head out to a noodle place nearby our house. He pays.

9:50 p.m. — I notice a similarly priced flight that flies a little earlier than the flight we booked previously, and its to a better/more convenient airport. We all cancel our previous flight and book this one instead. It’s still charged on my dad’s card, thanks dad! 

Daily Total: $107.96

Day Two: 3/26

9 a.m. — I wake up early so I can go to the library and prep for my 2 interviews. But first, I roll around in bed for a little bit.

10 a.m. — Got to the library right when it opened. I check for flights again to see if they’ve dropped - they haven’t. I start replying to emails that I received this morning, and commit to studying until at least 1.

11 a.m. — The girl sitting across from me is disgusting, so I switch seats to across the aisle.

1:30 p.m. — I didn’t get that much work done (ended up replying to a bunch of emails), but I decide to roll out so I can make lunch and take a quick nap before I Skype the BF.

1:45 p.m. — There’s not really any food at home, so I make a bowl of cereal and call it a day. I fall asleep on the couch while watching B99.

3 p.m. — I Skype the BF before work so I can get some interview prep in.

4:45 p.m. — I head out to work!! Yay.

9:30 p.m. —  Work ends and I rush home. I take a quick shower and eat left over noodles for dinner. My friends and I saw that flights to Seattle from SFO have dropped by about 50 bucks, so we buy! They buy the direct flight and I buy the only indirect flight at the same time because it’s $15 bucks cheaper. I put it on my dad’s card and give him $150 in cash, but he only takes $100. $100

10:30 p.m. — I’m feeling really tired, so I decide not to do anymore interview prep and to just call it a night so I can be well rested. I lay in bed on my phone for an hour before I finally go to sleep.

Daily Total: $100

Day Three: 3/27

6:15 a.m. — My first alarm rings - I hate myself. I hit snooze on the next few alarms.

6:30 a.m. — I finally drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, and put in my contacts. Then I head to my room and play some B99 as I put on my make-up and do my hair.

7:30 a.m. — I was going to get coffee on the way to the Caltrain but decided not to. My dad drops me off at the Mountain View stop right as a train is approaching. I quickly buy a ticket and get on the train and manage to snag a seat. I’ll be expensing this ticket.

9 a.m. — Finally get to SF a few minutes later than expected. I call an Uber to the office I’m interviewing at. I’ll be expensing this ride.

9:30 a.m. — There’s way more traffic than expected. I tried to prep a little more on the Uber, but I was so stressed I can’t concentrate. I finally get to the office and use the lobby bathroom so I can change into my skirt and heels, then head up.

12 p.m. — So far, I’ve said some things I probably shouldn’t have said - but I hope for the best. 3 analysts take me and another interviewee to lunch at a really fancy restaurant downstairs. There are literally no vegetarian options so I order a chicken Caesar salad without the chicken. They order 4 apps that I cant eat, and then 2 desserts that we all split.

2 p.m. — We all head back up to the office so the interviewee and I can finish up our last 2 rounds of interviews.

3 p.m. — My interviews are finally over. I don’t think I did great, but I’m trying not to dwell. I change back into my pants and flats, chat with my friend in the lobby for a little bit, and decide to walk to Boba Guys for a treat.

3:30 p.m.  — Boba Guys has a crazy long line, so I decide just to go home. I call an Uber to the Caltrain and tell my dad when I expect to be at the Mountain View station. I’ll be expensing this ride.

5 p.m.  — I get to the Mountain View station and my dad picks me up. We head home, and he cooks up a few veg dishes for us.

9 p.m.  — After napping, eating, and de-stressing on the sofa for a little bit, I decide to get to work. I review my notes about the company and a few frameworks for case studies.

10:30 p.m. — I’m tired and unmotivated. I brush my teeth and head to bed. I lay in bed on my phone for a little bit before finally falling asleep.

Daily Total: $0

Day Four: 3/28

8:15 a.m. — My alarm wakes me up and I get up to get ready for another day of interviewing.

9:15 a.m. — After finishing my hair and make-up, I head out to buy myself a cup of matcha so I can be caffeinated (but not jittery) for my interview. $4.90

9:45 a.m. — After getting back home, I eat a bowl of cereal while watching B99. Then I get to work and try to squeeze in a little more studying before I have to head out.

11 a.m. — My dad comes home to pick me up for my interview. We drive to the Caltrain and I buy a ticket (not re-imburse-able). $16.50

1 p.m. — We should’ve been in the city by now, but the train breaks down because of a problem with the power. I wait for 10 minutes before getting off the train with the bulk of everyone else, and call an Uber to the city. All the Ubers and Lyfts are super far away so it takes a while for them to reach me. $12.87

1:30 p.m. — I finally get to Blue Bottle! I go inside and snag a seat. I sit and study for about 30 minutes before I head into the bathroom to change into my skirt.

2 p.m. — I head over to the office site. I get there a little early so I sit and study for a little bit more. When the clock hits 15, I head upstairs to wait for my interview.

3:30 p.m. — The interview went terribly, and I come out of the office on the verge of tears. I call my friend to vent and cry a little bit, and she reassures me that everything will be okay and that it isn’t my fault. I’m constantly on edge with recruiting, and I’m just ready for the whole thing to be over.

4 p.m. — My friend who works in the city is able to take a quick (not-so-quick) break, so we head to Boba Guys and wait in the long line. We chat about my interview yesterday and today, and our future trip to Seattle. After we grab our drinks , we head back to her office. $4.50

5:30 p.m. — I try to call an Uber from her office, but there’s so much traffic that all the Uber’s take too long to get to me. I decide to walk to the Caltrain since it would take about the same amount of time.

6 p.m. — I finally get to the Caltrain and snag a seat. I text my dad to let him know when I would reach Mountain View.

7:30 p.m. — I finally get home! I feel disgusting and exhausted. I take a quick shower, and call the nearby pizza place for take out. I offer to share with my dad but he wants to eat left overs. $17.50

9 p.m. — Dinner and snacking time is over. I am trying to destress by watching B99 and Youtube, but it isn’t working.

Daily Total: $56.27

Day Five: 3/29

7:25 a.m. — My alarm goes off. At first, I wake up thinking that it’s so early, I can definitely go back to sleep! And then I remember I have work at 8 AM, so I get up and get ready for the day.

9 a.m. — My manager and I had to make a run to the bank, and I literally spend the entire time on my phone trying to stake out Fenway Park tickets for senior week. I feel bad, but I finally get them! $14

12:30 p.m. — Today was a crazy day at work. I swear at one point there were literally 10 strollers in the store, with babies crying left and right and the store getting trashed. I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to clean up tonight, and head out of work for the day.

1 p.m. — After having a mental breakdown about my abilities and job searching, I heat up my left over pizza and eat it for lunch as I watch B99. I snack on some sunflower seeds, and then pass out on the couch for a few hours.

4 p.m. — I finally wake up and feel disgusting. I wash my face and put in some eye drops (since my contacts dried up in my eyes). I go to my computer and update my budget and cringe in pain as I see how much money I spent on food this month. I vow to myself to really rein it in so I can actually save some money for Europe.

7 p.m. — My dad comes home and brings Chipotle for dinner! I’m only able to finish half of mine, so I save the other half for lunch tomorrow. 

Daily Total: $14

Day Six: 3/30

9:30 a.m. — I wake up, roll around in bed for a little bit, and then get up to head to the gym.

11:30 a.m. — My workout is finally done! I head home so I can shower.

12 p.m. — I heat up my left over Chipotle for lunch, and respond to a few emails. I got invited back by one of the companies I interviewed at for lunch, and I am super confused as to why because I was 100% sure that I bombed the interview and that the director did not like me. I respond saying that I am interested anyways and we schedule a time.

1 p.m. — I eat my Chipotle on the couch while watching B99. I pass out for like 3 hours.

3:30 p.m. — I finally get up off the couch. I remix my slime to make it less sticky and accidentally get some on the kitchen rug. I can’t get it off so I leave it, hoping that it’ll get less sticky with time. 

4 p.m. — I retreat into my room to get ready for work. I only do my make-up since I’m feeling lazy.

4:45 p.m. — I head out to work. 

9:30 p.m. — I love closing with one manager in particular cause she’s always in a rush to get out early, just like me. We leave about 15 minutes early and I get home. My dad’s not home, so I make myself a bowl of cereal and eat it in a rush since I have to head out soon. My dad gets home just as I start eating and I let him know what my plans for the night are.

10 p.m. — My friend calls me telling me that she and her boyfriend just broke up. She is not upset about it at all, which is good, and we use the time to catch up on each other’s lives. I chat with her as I drive to my other friends house. One of my friends recently got into her first choice med school, so we are celebrating! They were planning on going clubbing, but we decided to stay in and have a chill night instead.

2 a.m. — We ended up spending the night just chatting and watching tv/movies. We finally head home at 2 am, and I take off my make-up, wash my face, change, and get into bed. 

Daily Total: $0

Day Seven: 3/31

10 a.m. — I wake up suuper late today because of how late I slept last night. I muster what little motivation I have to get up and get changed for the gym.

12 p.m. — I finally finish at the gym! I take a shower and heat up two Asian buns and eat two hard boiled eggs for lunch. Then I snack on some sunflower seeds before passing out on the couch for another 3 hours.

4 p.m. — I finally wake up and hate myself for sleeping for so long. This is one of the few weekends I have off and I wasted one by napping! I am still stressed out about job search, but I decide not to do anything about it today since I still need more me time.

6 p.m. — My dad gets home from biking, and after he showers and changes, we head out to a shabu shabu place for dinner. He pays - thanks dad!

9:30 p.m.  — I do a little bit of job search since I’m bored and it’ll take some of the tension I’m feeling off. 

10 p.m.  — I finish up totaling my money diaries!

Daily Total: $0

The Breakdown:

Weekly Total $$ Spent: $278.23

Food & Drink: $34.86 Entertainment: $14 Home & Health: $0 Clothes & Beauty: $0 Transport: $229.37 Other: $0

[peacefulheartfarm]

Canning Tomato Sauce

Canning tomato sauce is the name of the game this week. I have about 150 pounds of tomatoes picked so far. I think I will only be canning about 50 or 60 pounds of them between today and tomorrow. Some of them are still quite green. We shall see how it goes.

I want to take a minute and say welcome to all the new listeners and welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars who stop by the FarmCast for every episode. I appreciate you all so much. I’m so excited to share with you what’s going on at the homestead this week.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

There is so much going on right now. It is harvest time in the garden. Not just to the tomatoes, though that is the big one. However, I’m going to start with the creamery and animals and finish up with garden updates.

Creamery

Scott is taking a break from working on the creamery. He finally got the entire project “dried-in”. The next big event will be putting on the metal roof. That will happen later, and in the meantime, he is using his time to clean up the construction mess and tidying up the property in general.

Mowing the fields is also happening. Cleaning up the grass in the orchard and garden area got done. General cleaning everywhere. It makes the building look so much nicer when the grass is cut and the scrap wood is gathered up and hauled off. Re-organization of supplies and tools also helps. And then there is helping me with various garden projects. I can’t turn that down. What a blessing he is when lending a hand in the garden.

Cows

Yet again, we had the ag tech out for AI purposes. Will it ever end? Violet showed signs of coming into heat yet again. Well she is taken care of yet again. Now we wait another three weeks to see if it took this time.

The calves are getting fat. They get two gallons of milk per day. I like to spoil them. Wendell is big enough to live on grass but I keep giving him the milk. He would push Virginia out of the way if I did not. He is quite committed to getting his twice daily rations of milk.

Goats

Several goats have had to have their heads removed from the fence yet again. It seems that every time they get access to a new area of pasture, they have to experiment will eating the grass on the other side of the fence. Nope the new grass is just not good enough for them. And some of them just never seem to learn that sticking their head with horns through the fence will get them caught.

Blue Herons

We have a pair of blue herons on the big pond now. For the longest time there was only one. Now there is a pair. Have you ever seen a blue heron? They are majestic and graceful in flight. I love watching them. I have heard that when you have blue heron’s it indicates the pond is healthy.

Quail

I am so pleased with how our quail operating is progressing. The hens are in full production with their laying of eggs. I have 15 hens and get 15 eggs nearly every day.

The incubator is humming along. Today the eggs in there are one week old. This process is so exciting. We have an entire life cycle operating quite efficiently. It is the one place on the homestead where everything is going smoothly at the moment. Perhaps I need to knock on wood now. I may have just jinxed them.

Donkeys

 I’m thinking the donkeys are just about ready for another hoof trimming. They really don’t like it. Daisy and Sweet Pea will stand still while it is going on, but they really only come up for their trimming because of the sweet feed. Donkeys are the friendliest of animals and we love our crew.

Let me pass on a bit of trivia regarding the donkeys. Did you know that they all have a cross on their backs? There are a couple of Christian legends that say it is a gift our Lord gave to the humble donkey that carried Him into Jerusalem. They are similar stories but not the same.

According to one legend, the little donkey so loved his Master that he followed Him to Calvary. Grief-stricken at the sight, he turned away but remained at his station at the foot of the cross. The shadow of the Cross fell upon him and from that day all purebred donkeys wear the Master’s Cross on their back.

Another story recounts that when Jesus was carrying his cross to the mount, a little donkey tried to help him but couldn’t get through the crowd. When the crowd dispersed, the donkey went up to Jesus, and stood behind the cross and as the sun went down, the shadow of the cross fell across the donkey and now every donkey has the cross.

According a theology lecturer at the University of Notre Dame, the tales never actually appeared in the Bible. Other facts about donkeys and the Bible is it is the only animal in the Bible other than the serpent to speak, and it plays a significant role in more than one Christian prophecy. The prophecy of Zachariah comes to mind.

Garden

Sunflowers

Let me start with the sunflowers. I hope to harvest them in the next couple of days. The really big ones are bending over the stalks. What is happening right now is the seeds are forming. That makes those giant heads really heavy and thus the bending over. The harvesting can be tricky once the seeds become fully ripe. Shaking the plant in any way can cause the seeds to come loose.

Scott and I have a plan to work on them together. I will hold the stalk while Scott cuts it through close to the ground. Then I will gently lower the stalk to the ground. At that point, we will cut off just two or three feet of stalk with the flower. They will get tied together in bundles of three and hung up to complete the drying process. The birds are going to be really happy this winter.

Beans

I have harvested the black beans. Perhaps I already mentioned that last week. Still to harvest are the red and white beans. Then all will need to be shelled out. That’s a fun project that Scott and I will do together while watching Amazon Prime originals in the evening.

I’ve also picked the baby lima beans. The green ones I cooked and we ate them days ago. The dried ones also need to be shelled out. All of these dried beans will be used to plant again next year.

Peppers

I made a really neat string of cayenne peppers and hung it up to dry. That’s all you have to do. After they are dry, I can do a couple of things with them. I might powder them up to make my own cayenne pepper seasoning. And I can chop them up into flakes and roast them in the oven. That adds a kind of nutty flavor to them. Then just toss them into soups, stir fries, and so on. Use them as you would store bought stuff. Using your own homemade seasonings is very satisfying.

The hot cherry peppers are producing like crazy. I have so many of these lovely peppers. They are not too terribly hot. Unlike the serrano peppers that I have. The serrano peppers are the hottest ones that I am growing this year. My jalapenos are quite mild. In fact, I made some pickled hot peppers and was informed by a customer that they simply were not hot. Next time I make a batch, I’ll add more serrano peppers to the mix and fewer jalapenos. In the meantime, I need to re-label the pickled hot peppers. What should I call them? Probably just pickled peppers.  

I finished drying a batch of sweet bell peppers. I did two trays of green and one of red. Right now, I have a few more green ones that are turning red. I’m ripening them in a window. I hope to have lots more of these great peppers for cooking throughout the winter and spring.

Scott has prepared the potato beds for the next planting. I’m not sure. It may be too late in the season for fall potatoes, but I’m going to give it a go anyway. We shall see how big they get.

Green Beans

The green beans bloomed again and I will have another picking from them within a day or two. The purple hulled cow peas also put on a bumper crop. Those may need three or four days yet before picking. Both of these lovelies will be fresh veggie for dinner soon.

Onions

I successfully grew a small batch of red onions. They are currently in the drying process and will be ready soon. There are a few white onions still out in the garden. They do not look like they are going to get very big. Some of the tops are already dying and that means they have grown all they are going to this time around.

Tomatoes

Now let’s talk about those tomatoes. The row is set up with tomato cages that were tied to rebar every so many feet. The sheer amount of tomatoes on the plants soon pulled that apparatus down. Yesterday, Scott went out there and tried to shore up the row. Many of the plants were laying on the ground, having broken down the make-shift trellis completely. I went out there last night to pick some and found some of the cages fell over yet again. I just need to pick and pick and pick to lighten the load.

The problem with that is I am running out of space to ripen them. I’m okay with picking my tomatoes just as they begin to turn. Once they are yellow or orange, I bring them in else the raccoon will get the results of all my fine work. I bring them in and put them on the shelves I used in the spring to start the tomatoes and peppers indoors so they are large enough to plant in the garden at the proper time. Once the seedlings are done, those shelves remain empty until this time of year when they fill up again with the fruits – literally – of my labor. The shelves are filled with tomato fruits and a few peppers.

I have four shelves currently full. There are also two 5-gallon buckets sitting in my kitchen at this very minute waiting for me to finish this podcast and return to them. They are red, ripe and ready to be turned into sauce.

Tomato Sauce

Here’s my process for making tomato sauce. It’s fairly easy as long as you have the proper equipment. I start with cleaning up the tomatoes, taking out the cores and then quartering them. I put them in a pot and start heating it up very slowly on the stove. Once they are cooked, it’s time to get the seeds and skins out.

I have a Kitchen-Aid mixer that has lots of nifty attachments. One of my favorites is the food mill. Once it is set up, all I have to do is turn it on and start dipping the tomatoes out of the pot into the hopper. The seeds and skins come out in one place and the juice and pulp come out in another place. I usually run the seeds and skin waste through a second time to get the most pulp and juice possible.

Once I have the pulp and juice, it’s a matter a cooking it down to the desired thickness and then starting the canning process. Sometimes this is a two-day project. Today is one of those times. Likely I will only get the tomatoes cleaned up and cut up today. Tomorrow will be the cooking, separating seeds and skins, cooking down to desired thickness and finally canning.

Canning the sauce is as easy as dipping the thickened sauce into sterilized jars, cleaning the rims, putting on the two-piece lids and setting them in a water bath canner for 15 or 20 minutes. Zip, zam, zowie and it’s done.

What do you think? Are you ready to give it a try? I don’t do videos, only audio. But I can recommend finding a YouTube video or two to get the details of how canning is done. One day in the future I will have a class or two here at the homestead on canning. I hope to meet some of you when that day arrives.

Final Thoughts

That’s it for today’s podcast. I hope you enjoyed the donkey story. They truly are blessed creatures. We love them so much. The quail are such a blessing. And yes, the sheep, lambs, goats, and cows are a blessing as well. Our life here is full. There is always so much to do and every bit of it is a blessing. Some things are a bit onerous, like all of the cleaning. And the quail and cow waste smells something awful, but when taken in context with everything else, you just can’t beat the joy of living every day in the presence of God’s creation.

Being able to grow our own food and preserve it for the winter is also fulfilling. It gives us a security that I would not give up for anything in the world. Especially in these days of uncertainty at the grocery store. I hope I’ve inspired you to try a bit of self-sufficiency for yourself. You don’t need a big place. A few plants in pots on your apartment balcony can provide a similar experience. Grow a few peppers and tomatoes. You’ll be glad you did.

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Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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