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#Shitpost: Half-Baked Dreams
eraserisms · 2 months
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For someone who is basically a cat a handful of Shota's companions are very bird coded
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etheries1015 · 11 months
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TWISTED WONDERLAND MASTERLIST
Character's revolving around the story will be highlighted in RED. NSFW section below the SFW one.
link back to OG masterlist
Link to Twisted wonderland Masterlist Pt. 2
SFW
A little more to love - Lilia x Reader HC
Happy Fathers day - Crowly shit post
Secret relationship and the wing man- Malleus X reader
Finding out your real name - Platonic Multi (seperate)
Beating the shit out of a student- Platonic Multi (Together) [TW: assault, but MC is a badass]
Rejection hurts- Lilia X reader [Angst, no comfort]
Rejection hurts pt2 - Lilia X reader [Angst, slight comfort?]
When you wish upon a star- Malleus X Reader
Magic Catastrophe- Twst X Obey me crossover
Magic Catastrophe pt2 - Twst X obey me crossover
Your first encounter - General Lilia x Reader shit post
An apology mug - Malleus X reader
How could you love that...?- Malleus X High energy/gremlin reader (lowkey shit post)
When he began to fall in love- Lilia x (slightly traumatized) reader [TW: Depiction of panic attacks, mentions of PTSD, reader does not like being startled by the mischievous vampiric fae :( ]
Domestic kitchen moments- Trey, Rook, Malleus, Lilia X Reader
What a shame- Bi Lilia X Bi Reader shit post
The school Therapist- Working Adult MC HC
The promises we made- Malleus X reader Angst/fluff rolled into one...
Our popular prefect! - Headcannon on MC's daily life as the ramshackle dorm prefect and their precious students.
Endless Marriage proposals- General Lilia X reader (angst no comfort)
Endless Marriage Proposals (ALT ENDING) - General Lilia x Reader (Fluff)
Glorious Masquerade- MC Solves the problem!
Glorious Masquerade- The... interesting dormmate... (answer)
A dragons infatuation - Malleus X reader HC
When they snore - Mallus, Rook, Azul, Riddle, Vil (Separate) X Reader
When you cuddle them like a Koala- Housewardens (separate) X reader
A fearful realization - Malleus X reader
A fearful realization pt. 2- Malleus X reader
Lonely together - Malleus X lonely reader
The swearing issue - Lilia HC
The dreaded reunion- shit post (king!Malleus, his spouse MC, and a few other special guests.)
The secret ingredient - Lilia X Reader (lowkey shit post)
A sacrifice worth making- Malleus X reader
A "normal" therapy session - Multi (shitpost HC)
When you cry- Malleus X reader
His first and last love- Lilia x reader
Boring lectures - Malleus X reader (pretty much platonic)
Finding out you're trans masc- Malleus, idia, kalim, Riddle X trans masc reader
Biting and accidental courtship - Lilia, Malleus, Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Rook X reader
Defending your lover- General Lilia x Reader
His unique magic- Jack x Reader
A different way of fighting- General Lilia and Gremlin reader HC
Dancing in the kitchen - Lilia X reader
Writing each other letters - Lilia X reader (2 scenarios)
His birthday present- Lilia X reader
Your dream and a wish- No ship, just your dream regarding Chapter 7.
Finding you sobbing - Malleus, Lilia X reader
Chaotic Prefect - Ask/Answer
Long lived/succubus (kind of) Yuu and their infatuation with humans- Ask/answer, platonic! Baul and General Lilia
Not particularly good at baking - Lilia X reader
Lilia shit post
Your importance - Lilia X reader (short)
Flower crowns- Meleanor X reader
A heavy farewell- Lilia X reader
An interesting fascination - Pomefiore X reader who is fascinated with scars (ask/answer)
A genius feat! - Technologically challenged reader X Idia Shroud
Learning human legs- Malleus learning to form a human body HC
Being allergic to them - Octavinelle and Savanaclaw
Sleep somewhere else!- MC allergic to cats and Grim headcannon
A messy confession - Floyd X reader
Half baked confession - Malleus X Flirty/shamelessish reader
Happy birthday, Malleus! - Malleus x reader
Happy birthday, reader! - General Lilia X reader
They throw you a birthday party - Diasomnia X reader
Prefects muse- Azul, Riddle, Idia X flirty reader
Prefects muse- Jack X flirty reader
The fae with a dream - General Lilia X Fae reader (angst) TW: death, emetophobia
your jealous lover- Lilia X reader
Raising a child and his interesting parenting style - Lilia X reader
when you're sick - short Silver X reader headcannon
Missing the "girly" things - Twst (Multi! Platonic!) X Fem! reader
Day dreaming - (Short) Lilia X reader headcannon
Oblivious old man- Lilia X reader HC
When he fell in love- Vil X reader
You're pregnant! their reaction? - Vil, Malleus, Azul, Lilia X Afab reader (no pronouns)
A flowers meaning- Lilia x reader
Cuddling his Tsum- Lilia X reader
Do you regret it? - Lilia X reader
NSFW
18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
A little bit of everything - Malleus Draconia relationship HC
Getting Drunk - Lilia X reader
Would they wait until marriage? - Multi (separate, lowkey shit post)
His little human toy- General Lilia X reader
Midnight dirty thoughts- About Dragon Malleus [tw monsterfucking]
Size kink HC - Malleus Draconia X reader [ tw monsterfucking]
A faes hidden desires- Malleus Draconia X reader
General Lilia Vanrouge thoughts - General Lilia x reader (short)
Pretty little pregnant you - Lilia X fem! Reader (tw: pregnancy)
Lilias praise - Lilia X reader (More suggestive than NSFW, but I placed it here anyway.)
Taking his virginity - Lilia X reader
Birthday head- Malleus x reader shit post
The unfortunate shower incident - Lilia X reader (only suggestive, not very NSFW)
living out a fantasy - Lilia X reader (TW hair pulling, slight mentions of blood)
General Lilias stress relief - Lilia x reader (TW slight non-con)
Hot spring mischief- Lilia & Malleus X reader
Guiding Malleus thru his heat- Malleus & Lilia X reader
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cassandracorvo · 10 months
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Tagged by @lovebillyhargrove :') thank you baby I didn't expect it <3
Last Song: "Falling Down" by Duran Duran
Song stuck in my head: "Last Christman" by Wham!. She knows it's her fault
Favourite colour(s): any shade of blue, esp. cerulean and cobalt; gold; lilac and wisteria; and to wear, black, the supreme color
Currently watching: Cold Case (rewatch)
Currently reading: "Acts of Services" by Lillian Fishman
Currently craving: carbs
Last movie: Do documentaries count? If yes, "Il caso Elisa Claps"; "Hereditary"
Sweet, spicy or savoury? Bitter. Like life.
Relationship status: I'm writing my thesis (single)
Current obsession: Billy Hargrove *sends kiss the ocean*
Three favourite foods: Baked pasta. Pasta and potatoes. Roasted potatoes.
Last thing I googled: "Mobilian Jargon"
Dream trip: road trip on the Northern Europe coast, "realistically"; ideally, backpack trip🤤
Anything i want right now: my friends and loved ones to be healthy and serene. Peace of mind. My Demonia Bear. More cats
Tagging: @goddessofgodless @irohasong @ilragazzodelfaro @buckysgrace @ariesbilly @ellelans @fdevita-official-shitpost @assortedfruitsnacks212 @ariesbilly @sadhours @half-oz-eddie @intothedysphoria @mrsblackruby muah to everyone (tranne a Viviana. A te i fiori per Viktor ✝️)
And if you see this and wanna do it, i tag you too! ❤️❤️❤️
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cupcraft · 2 years
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c!Tommy the baker is sooo...like he makes really intricately designed and frosted gingerbread men but he also likes to bite their heads off in front of people. He can totally makes dozens of cupcakes for a party but the problem is you don't get to the decide the flavor. Carrot cake you say? It's fucking chocolate. You can't correct him, he put a lot of effort in, it's beautiful, it tastes great, he's also maybe going to stab you if you complain. He likes to make small treats, the kind you can slip under doors. No note, no "i hope you're well", but they know its him, and that he's thinking about people. Several people try to return the favor by giving him treats. c!Tubbo tries, though it's terribly burnt. c!Tommy also has an apron collection he sewed.
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jkl-uwu · 4 years
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This is how it went, right?
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olliveen · 5 years
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i think i get it. I understand now. i see what shakespeare really is all about
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Kombat Krew and Summer Headcanons: Part two.
Have some fluffy headcanons, before Smutty Saturday and Smuttier Sunday. I can hear you all, ‘But Smut Goblin, you’ve already written these’ Well, I have more ideas, and my thirst is now unrivaled. So, Summer with the Kombat Kast Part two: Electric fucking Boogaloo. Oh yeah, there’s also smut, I lied, they aren’t just fluffy.  
I know I said I’d have more characters. But this was ten pages. TEN FUCKING PAGES! So, like Part 2.5 is coming up! Enjoy. 
Warnings: Fluff, Smut, Shitposts about Kano. 18+ under the cut. I fixed Sindel and her retcon. I hope.  GIFs do not belong to me. Either found on the Tumblr Gif finder thing, or google. 
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Fujin:
·       What fresh fucking hell is this? Short haired Fujin is because he’s sick of this shit. His hair is sticking to his fucking back, he can’t cope with the warmth. So, he cut it. And now he looks like sin incarnate. Fuck yes Fujin.
·       He’s an actual sweetheart when you both go for walks. If it’s too warm and he sees kids trying to fly their kites, he may, just may, summon a breeze. Because he’s actually a giant softie. When you ask him if that was him, he’ll tilt his head and look shocked. Him? Use his powers like that?! He wouldn’t dream… don’t tell Raiden.
·       He loves discovering new mortal customs and culture. Day drinking still confuses him. Why is everyone drinking at 2 in the afternoon? He jokes Bo Rai Cho is having an effect on everyone. He’s not opposed to have a sneaky drink with you as the suns setting though. He does like to have a good time, as we’ve all heard in his intros. You’ve never seen him drunk, you’re pretty sure he can’t get drunk. But he has joked that the Elder Gods must never know, that you’re both drinking wine at 2pm.
·       He’d love visiting winebars on an evening for nice relaxed drinks. Any bar with an outside area, bonus points if it’s got a balcony and a good view… he’d suggest Sky Temple, but relaxed drinks, turn into a bender with Bo Rai Cho. With Bo often suggesting skinny dipping. Raiden has consulted the Elder Gods, ‘Relaxed drinks’ are banned.
·       Long walks. This man has stamina for days. He loves getting out into the middle of bum fuck nowhere and walking. Nature seems to love him and flocks to him. Every. Fucking. Time. You. Sit. Down. You look away, and when you look back, there’s just a fucking rabbit sat near you both. Fujin is feeding it grass. He looks so happy and content.
·        If there’s any music/art/food festivals on, then you’re going, he wants to know more about mortals and their customs. So, any opportunities he’s going to want to take up. Nothing better than him playfully wrapping an arm around you and chuckling when you blush. He’s not that against PDA whilst you’re amongst mortals. He’s sure his brother wouldn’t tease. But Kung Lao would. And he doesn’t fancy a lecture from his brother. It’s not a lecture, but, it’s a lecture.
·       As much as he loves exploring. He’ll also love those lazy warm days. Either sat comfortably close, talking about anything and everything. Or lounging out in the garden or your balcony with him.
·       He’ll always make sure you’re hydrated. Like ‘Y/N, do you need some water? You look dehydrated. Please don’t get dehydrated.’ He’s a bit of a worried mother hen sometimes.
·       He’ll also love watching the sunset, whilst you’re both comfortably laid together. You’re always unsure if the cool evenings breeze is from him or not. You like to think it is.
·       Lots of cute photos. You take loads. He’s so photogenic. He’s always got such a happy genuine smile on his face. He’s got super long arms too, so he can always get the best angle.
·       He secretly loves you both walking together, and you holding onto/your arm linked with his. He loves the way you kind of fall forward when you laugh, placing a hand on his as you do so. He’ll always flash you a half smile.
·       The first time you had sex in the shower was when you were taking a cold shower the try and cool yourself down. He naturally wanted to join you, because this fucking heat can fuck off. Long story short, a bit of teasing, led to him fucking you against the wall of your shower. The shower didn’t cool you down at all. In fact, you were warmer in the shower than out of it.
·       Lazy sex on the sofa too. He loves watching you ride his cock. He loves running his hands up your side, as you slowly ride his cock and savour every moment.
Havik:
·       Is the weather making everyone uncomfortable? He had no idea. He fucking did, because he’s living for the chaos. He’s also used to this weather. Chaosrealm is either baking hot or extremely cold. So, he’s literally chilled with this. Why is everyone panicking? He’s sat there in sunglasses and drinking a Pina Colada. Such a little shit.
·       He’s a hot mess all the time. But summer makes him an even hotter mess. You’ve never seen someone give less of a fuck till you met him. Great thing about Havik, he doesn’t give two fucks about anything. He’s so laidback. You don’t want to go out because it’s too warm? That’s fine. You want to go out and get wine drunk? He’s got two hands to carry two bottles. Whatever you want to do.
·       Relaxed drinks in your garden, he’s burning the food on the grill, your neighbours are telling him to put a shirt on, because you don’t have a fence. Everyone is having a great time.
·       He lives for terrible BBQs. He loves the disappointment more than the food. Your parents aren’t who this fucking behemoth in the most chaotic Hawaiian shirt is. No one is going to tell him his shirt is gawdy, because he’s so fucking tall.
·       He knows all the lyrics to ‘We didn’t start the fire’ which is a skill and slightly concerning.
·       Extremely good at limbo… too good. You’re watching as people’s faces switch from whimsical whimsy to fucking shocked. You’re sure someone was sick. Lives for the chaos.
·       He hates going outside for long periods of time. His face itches and it’s too warm to wear everything normally. Badly. Loves Halloween though, because people always compliment how great his ‘Costume’ and makeup is.
·       You’ve had a few comments on how handsome he is and laid back he is. He doesn’t get the ‘handsome’ thing, he prefers his face, when half of it’s you know, missing.
·       He loves Summer and how warm it is. When you ask why, he admits ‘It’s because Hotaru will be miserable’ And then he’ll smile. Summer is his Christmas. Because Hotaru is miserable.
·       When you can’t sleep, he’s awake, you’re not sure he needs to sleep. But he’s awake. You’ll have long chats, and, you both end up sat on your Livingroom floor, playing trivial pursuit. You’re sort of surprised by how much random knowledge he knows.
·       He’ll go on walks with you. This is where he met his first goose. He fucking loves them. What are these hate filled, angry creatures? Why does he want an army of them? When one hisses at him and falls in the river, he’s so happy. The circle of Chaos goes on.
·       Loves the beach. Because there’s loads of water. He fucking loves it. Ready to jump in as soon as he sees you. Pulls you in and you both swim for ages. He loves watching the waves crash against the shore with you, your head on his shoulder, whilst he draws circles… or squiggles on your leg.
·       Summer sex with him is so easy going. You’re sure you always end up fucking him in your car more than usual. You’re down to fuck on the way back from a day out? Fucking pull over, he’s good to go.
·       Don’t let him drive. He can’t drive.
·       Havik fucks hard and he once broke your headboard with his grip… and two fingers. But that’s fine, he just put them back together all good.
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Tomas Vrbada Smoke:
·       He’s not a fan of this shit. He’s not overly bothered about the heat, it’s his hair. It’s sticking to his back and he doesn’t like it. Has asked Bi-Han for a hug. He just wants to feel cold.
·       Queue the manbun. He’s not cutting his hair. He loves it too much. So, hair is up and tied back. Which only elevates his hipster status… and makes him look that little bit hotter. Burns hotter than the weather.
·       He’ll always put on sunscreen. He burns very easily. Way too easily. No tan. Just burns. He does get a slight dusting of freckles over the bridge of his nose. He’s not overly keen on them… but you think their cute. He starts to like them a little bit more when you remark how cute they are… and when you run your finger over them.
·       He’ll love doing something a little adventurous in summer. Which surprises you. He’s normally pretty introverted and wanting to relax and lounge. He’ll love doing something like hiking in the hills or taking long walks along a river. He just lives strolling, hand in hand, if it’s not too warm, and chatting genuine shit.
·       Imagine: Smoke, grey short-sleeved t-shirts, some cropped jeans, a good pair of hiking boots (Probably timberlands, the hipster) and a grey flannel jacket wrapped around his waist. Fucking hell. I need a fan!
·       Cute dates to cafes, where you both either talk about what you’re reading, or you both go to read. Said café dates can also be in the park with a takeaway ice coffee. Smoke is a hipster, fight me on this. You’re both looking up at the sky, laid arm on arm, head to head, whilst watching the clouds go by. You love moments like this and you both feel so content.
·       If you can ride a bike and are into that shit. He wouldn’t be opposed to having a bike ride, either along a canal or river. Somewhere that’s got a nice even off-road trail, with shade, nice scenery and is easy going. He’ll always make sure to pack lots of snacks, water and also sunscreen. Lots of sunscreen. He’ll plan a huge day out for you both, with lots of stops to see sights along the way. It’s all going great until he gets a bug in his mouth. Then he remembers why he hates the outdoors.
·       If gets too warm, you’re both going to the Lin Kuei temple. Smoke doesn’t care. You can live his room. He’s got a kettle and plenty of cup of noodles. Kuai thinks it’s nice that Smokes found someone. Bi-Han teases, because what kind of older brother would he be? Bi-Han totally views Smoke as a younger brother. He comes up with a cute ship name and he makes sure everyone refers to you both by it.
·       Loves the beach. Loves drinking iced tea at the beach. He’s under a big umbrella though. Sat in the shade, sipping his tea, reading his book, looking absolutely fine as fuck. People fall into ditches watching him lounge around. Bi-Han wanted to come with you both. Suns out guns out. He totally throws a bucket of water on him, saying he needs to cool the fuck down. And throws the bucket at him. Only to proceed to fall flat on his face.
·       Relaxed afternoon drinks at some hipster bar. He’s drinking an IPA. He doesn’t give a shit what you think… he really does. But it’s too warm for a hot chocolate.
·       He’s not overly fond of sex if it’s really warm. But saying that, on those cooler evenings, he’ll love just having you ride his cock. It’s soft, gentle, with a lot of touches and caresses. He loves you and loves spending time with you. He’ll also love the sight of your body in the moonlight. That slight summer breeze cooling you both down. The sound of the city below you, drowning out the moans.
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Kabal:
·       Pre-Burn Kabal is so hyped for summer. The moment that barometer or the weather says it’s slightly warm. That’s it. He’s wearing cropped shorts, showing off those finely tuned calves, and wearing a vest that may as well not be a vest, because side-boob.
·       He totally as a duck barometer on his desk, that turns yellow when it’s supposed to be warm. ‘Sorry Kano, can’t work, Mr Quack says it’s going to be sunny. You know what that means’ Queue everyone sighing, because they know their in for a month of awful outfits.  
·       You notice he slows down a lot in the summer. ‘Babe, papa is out of shape’ is the most uttered phrase for him. He’s used to the heat, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be speedy. He wants to savour every moment of his favourite season, with his favourite person.
·       He’s a mix of lazy and energised. He’ll want to go for long walks in the park, the woods, the river, the beach. But he’ll also want to lounge around in his underwear, AC on, whilst you both watch shit TV and binge watch bad films.
·       Drives at 2 am in the morning, because he wants a really cold drink, and he knows this place that does really good slurpees. Queue, some very bad summer music. If you have to listen to ‘Steal My Sunshine’ One more fucking time, you’re going to scream. The slurpee is pretty good.
·       He’ll also tease your thighs on the way back home. Which leads to you giving him a blowjob whilst he drives. Which leads to him having to pullover and fuck you in the backseat. Lord have mercy he can’t cope.
·        He’s really good at BBQ you’re so surprised. You both have two people BBQs, you’re both sipping on cocktails, having fun, listening to terrible music. Annoying your neighbours who don’t want to hear his shit music. He’ll love spinning you around and picking you up over his shoulder and carrying you back inside. Just so you can make out on the couch.
·       Prank calling Kano at 2 in the morning. With very unfunny jokes. But it’s funny, because it’s Kano and it’s winding him up.
·       Nothing better than walking into the living room and seeing a near fully naked Kabal on the sofa. Sprawled out, glistening skin, playing on his Playstation. Glasses on and a lazy smile. God.
·       If you wear shorts, he’s going to be very distracted. Loves your ass in them. And will always give it a discreet and cheeky squeeze. He’ll always lean in to whisper and tease you, about what he’s going to do when you both get back.
·       Going to the beach or swimming is always fun. He’ll totally drag you into the pool and splash you.
·       He’s so glad his hair is fairly short. Because who’s got the time in this heat.
·       Cute dates to diners and relaxed drinks on the kitchen floor. Because it’s cool, and you can both eat ice cream from the tub.
·       Post burns everything is different.
·       I still headcanon he’s not a massive fan of his body and his skin is hypersensitive to the heat.
·       He’ll love you rubbing sunscreen affectionately onto his skin, or maybe rubbing a balm to try and ease it. If you’re whispering sweet nothings, or how much you love his body, whilst doing this, it’ll make him so fucking happy. He wants to feel loved.
·       Sometimes, the gentle rubs, turn into teasing rubs, and then into needful grabs. Which leads to some pretty intimate and passionate sex. Lots of body worship and lots of caresses.
·       He will want to stay in more in Summer. His skin will feels like it’s on fire and it won’t be comfortable. He will not dress casually in the summer when out in public. But when that confidence returns, he’ll be back to wearing next to nothing on the sofa.
Bi-Han:
·        He can handle this better than Kuai. Or so he says. He hates it really. He fucking hates this warmth and this weather. He wants to be cold. You’ve caught him threatening to climb into the fridge or the chest freezer.
·        Endearing whines from him. He loves the excuse however, that gets to lounge around in next to nothing. Queue you coming back from work to see him on your couch, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Complaining that he’s melting. He knew he was hot, but he didn’t think he was this hot! You hate and love that joke.
·        He’s eaten all your ice cubes, ice cream and ice lollies. He’s trying to cool down, but nothing is working. When you suggest maybe going to back to Arctika, he’s not down for that. He wants to stay here with you… that and going back, would confirm to Kuai that he was right and Bi-Han was wrong. He ain’t having that shit!
·        He’s constantly taking ice cold baths and showers. But nothing is helping. But on the bright side, you’ve got an unlimited supply of ice cubes. He sees yours are melting, boom, have some more.
·        He does manage to lower the temperature of your house, but he really has to focus, and he hates his concentration face. Kuai makes him look really majestic, Bi-Hans looks confused, sad and angry all rolled into one. He ain’t a fan of it.
·        He does love spending time with you though. He’ll love wrapping his arms around you out in public. Barely anyone knows he’s the Grandmaster of The Lin Kuei so why the fuck does it matter?
·        He’ll love going on cute bar dates, he looks pretty fucking FINE in a suit. All dressed up, looking like a whole three course meal. He’ll love sitting on a balcony, with some good food and a few glasses of wine.
·        Ultimate tease. His hands are cooler than any drink, and he’s an obsession with your legs in summer. He’ll love running a hand up and down your thighs, cheekily squeezing your ass in shorts. He’s very discreet, which makes you call him a Ninja, he’ll wrinkle his nose at that. He’s no ninja, he’s just good at been discreet.
·        He’s also a fan of sitting on the kitchen floor because it’s cool. You’re both listening to music in your kitchen, sat on the floor, eating ice cream and drinking frozen drinks.
·        Summer sex for Bi-Han involves a lot of him surprising you with some sweet kisses. Which get heated. Very heated. He’ll end up picking you up, placing you on your kitchen counter and helping you get rid of some layers. The counters cool against your skin, and he’s still pretty cool, so it’s all round refreshing.
·        He loves the beach. Not only because he loves showing off his physique, but you look cute and he likes the thought of the water been cool.
·        Water is saltier than he is. But he doesn’t give a shit. He can swim pretty well, and he’s soon out pretty far. It’s so good to finally be cold.
·        Low-key drags Smoke and Kuai with you both to the beach. Smoke is chilling, vibing with his book and the little sandcastle version of the temple he built. Kuai is fucking miserable.
·        Bi-Han will chuck you into the sea if you ask. If you want to be Yeeted, he will yeet you as far as you want to go. He’ll also playfully push you off the pier and jump in after you.
·        Small kisses in the water, his arms around your waist.
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Kuai Liang (Sub Zero):
·        He still hates this. Nothing has changed. Summer can go fuck itself. He handles the complaints better than Bi-Han but he doesn’t handle the heat better. The only upside, he gets to spend some quality time with you. With no Bi-Han interrupting. Because he’s the worst.
·        He still doesn’t let on how bad he’s feeling it. He’s there, stoic, teeth gritted, whilst you’re having lunch. You decide to surprise him with a cold bath, the AC on the lowest setting, and ice in the bath. You leave him a note saying ‘Surprise and enjoy’ he fucking loves you. His heart actually may do a backflip.
·        When you get back, he’s less teeth gritted and more relaxed. He’ll take your hands in his and bring you in for a very soft kiss. You’re in your apartment so no one can see. It’s all cool!
·        He still tries to dress in his Grandmaster gear. He’s trying to remain stoic and trying his hardest to be his usual self. You remind him, that no one but you can see him in your apartment.
·        He will bite the bullet eventually and will shed his upper half of clothes. He’s currently sat in the comfy pair of short joggers you bought him. He’s a Grandmaster but he’s going to melt unless he changes. This is no different than when he’s in his relaxing gear back at the temple.
·        Your neighbours are in for a treat. When he wakes up, does his morning meditation in front of the window… only to realise the curtains and door are open, your neighbours are watering their flowers, and they are just stood there. Staring. Wondering how one man can be so chiselled and fine looking. Que him, leaning over to close the curtains. ‘Y/N. Did you open the curtains whilst I was meditating?’ ‘Yeah, why?’ ‘I don’t think your neighbours appreciate seeing me’ Oh, if only he fucking knew.
·        His bonus for living through his own personal living hell, you’re dressed in your cute summer clothes, and you constantly want to be close to him in your apartment. He does love how close you are to him. He loves when you’re relaxing on the sofa, and your head is on his shoulder. He will watch you from the corner of his eye, a small smile tugging on his lips. Just as his arm snakes around you more.
·        He doesn’t drink a lot. He isn’t against it. But then you introduce him to a Long Island Iced Tea. He can’t taste the tea but it’s pretty nice. He’ll love lounging with you on your balcony, watching as the evenings sky bleeds into the nights sky.
·        He’ll tell you about the constellations as a refreshing breeze washes over you.
·        He’ll love going for walks with you. He loves been out and exploring more of Earth in a more relaxed way. He’s been to many places, but they’ve always been mission related.
·        He may not be able to last long with the heat, but he does love wandering around the Forests and woods. He’ll spout random facts about the wildlife and fauna you pass.
·        Sex with Kuai when it’s warm is often difficult. He’s feeling flustered by the warmth and struggling. You do offer to run him a cold shower. He’ll sit there, asking if you wish to join him. You’re not going to pass that up. It’ll start innocent, with him just holding your body. Musing how he’s missed your touch.
·        A few kisses later and you’ve got him all flustered again. He’s not entirely sure what’s going on, when you slowly sink to your knees and take his cock into your mouth. At first, he’s like ‘Y/N, we can’t do this in the shower’ But, even all of that stoic training can’t help him here. His moans betray him, hands hovering over your hair, before you tangle them for him. This leads to him showing you some of that strength of his and fucking you against the wall of the shower.
·        After, you’re both panting messes, and you hear him chuckle. He comments on how he guesses the weather has bonuses. That’s as horny of a comment you’ll ever get from him.
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Kung Lao:
·        He’s actually fine in this heat, why do you ask? Kung Lao can handle heat, who said he couldn’t? Their lying. Okay, they’re not lying. He hates it. He fucking hates it. He’s confused at how Raiden can be stood there, completely unphased, and Fujin can be there with long fucking hair. They are winding him, and he knows it.
·        Liu Kang is fine. But he’s fucking not. Of course, he’s fucking fine with the heat.
·        He does love spending the time with you though. I mean, you look pretty cute in those shorts, and he loves how you smile and your so giddy about going out places.
·        His arrogance will be the death of him. Death will be caused by melting. He won’t admit how much he’s not overly fond of the heat. But when you see him staring into the fridge, you know he’s too warm. You suggest going for a swim and going to the beach.
·        Best idea in the fucking world. He can swim pretty well, so he’s dragging you into the water, before you can even pull off your clothes. He’s like ‘Lets go Y/N. Lets go.’ He’ll splash you, like the dick he is, he can give but can’t take when you splash him back.
·        Will feign falling over, only to have you rush over to him. He’ll then pick you up and spin you around and launch you into the water. You both piss about far too much. Lord Fujin is smiling down, so happy and proud, Lord Raiden is face palming so hard. The Elder Gods couldn’t give a fuck, their too warm as well.
·        He’ll always insist you take photos, bonus if it’s a polaroid so he can take the photos back. He will continuously show Liu Kang, Raiden and Fujin. He acts like the heat wasn’t that bad… Fujin knows the truth but he’s not going to say shit.
·        He’ll love going for small evening walks with you, just as the suns starting to set, you’re both strolling beside a rive. A small breeze is blowing past you. When you’re not looking, he’s thanking Fujin for been a bro and having his back. ‘Thank you…’ ‘What was that Kung Lao?’ ‘Nothing Y/N. You look very pretty. How’s that breeze?’
·        He loves the sunshine though and will want to make the most of going out in it. Que you both spending as much time as possible outside. Whether you’re just lounging, walking or exploring.
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Sindel: (The Smut Goblin will do you right, since 11 just retconned you.)
·        Outworld is naturally warmer than Earthrealm. She knows this and understands that it may be hard to cope. She’s there, looking ethereal, not a single hair out of place, barely breaking a sweat. Whilst you’re boiling. She thinks it’s cute.
·        She’ll always shake her head when you deny how warm you are. She’ll make sure you’ve always got fresh water and are kept cool. If it’s warmer than usual, she’ll make sure you’ve got baggy clothes to keep you cool and make sure you’re okay.
·        She’s not mean by any standard, but she will tease you ever so slightly about it. If you’re slightly red from the heat, she will tease you about it. ‘Y/N, blushing to see me already.’ Will tease you discreetly. And she will always remark about how she didn’t know she had this effect on you.
·        She’s discreet. She can’t be embarrassing Kitana like that. She ain’t about that life. Kitana fully supports your relationship. She thinks it’s nice her mother has found someone to spend her life with. Shao Kahn who? Who’s that dick? Never heard of Shags Cars.
·        She’ll personally request you join her when she goes to try and cool down at the warmest part of the day. The pool is surrounded by blooms and lush scenery, scenery you didn’t know existed in Outworld. Because, it does look barren.
·        You’re not arguing that it’s a mirage, until she strips down and asks you to join her. Everything is pleasant and cool. She asks you all about Earthrealm whilst you’re chilling in the cool water.
·        She wants to know more about you and yourself. And what better place than whilst taking a leisurely dip.
·        She’ll love lounging around on one of the balconies in the evening. Wine in hand, whilst you’re leant against her. She’ll plant a gentle kiss on your head, before asking if you’re comfortable. Very caring, because you know, she’s actually a caring person. NetherRealm seemingly forgot this shit. Let me remind them.
·        Sex with Sindel is fucking WILD. She can go from a pillow princess (Queen?) to a fucking dom in seconds. One minute she’s sat on your face, trying to stifle a moan, less anyone hear. The next, she’s got you flipped over, pinned down, whilst she attacks your cunt with her very skilled tongue.
·        You forget about the heat of the day and focus on the heat that’s pooling in your stomach for a few moments. Once you’re spent and wasted, she’ll always remark ‘I told you I could make you forget the heat my dear’
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Geras. 
·        For a man that has lived an eternal life and has lived through the heats of many summers. He’s never got to experience them because of ‘Can I see the manager’ Kronika. Fuck her.
·        He can cope with the heat of the day and is pleasantly surprised when there is a refreshing breeze. He’s so happy to be able to enjoy the summer and the sunshine, without the Titan of complaints, bossing him about.
·        He’s blissfully unaware of how mortals struggle with heat.
·        When you go on nice walks, to show him more of Earthrealm, and so you can both take cute photos. He’s walking miles head, happy and curious about everything. ‘Isn’t this nice Y/N. What a refreshing breeze… Y/N?’ Turns around to see you in a puddle on the ground. Que him turning back and picking you back up.
·        He loves experiencing different cultures and will love you exploring different parts of your city and trying new things. Kronika was a bitch and didn’t give him any downtime.
·        He’s loving this new lease on life, the fact he doesn’t have to go on bullshit missions for the Elder God of bullshit and family problems.
·        He’ll love cuddling up with you, whilst you both chat, and he tells you all the stories of his life. You name a time period, and he has lived through and experienced it. Bonus if you’re doing a history degree.
·        ‘Actually, my boyfriend was there and that’s not what happened. Give me my 100% on my test’
·        He’ll be a little confused why you always take photos of him at first. Until you explain you’re creating memories. Then he’ll be constantly posing for your photos with you. He takes the cutest selfies. He’s got such a warm smile and some gorgeous eyes. You’re the envy of all of your friends.
·        When you suggest going to the beach, he’s all for it, he loves the sound of the waves and finds it soothing.
·        He makes the most impressive sandcastles. It puts everyone else’s to shame on the beach. He’s not even trying which is the best part.
·        Geras is a tall guy. So, when he wades out into the ocean, you’re stuck behind in a bit of a shallower end. He wants you to come with him, so you’re getting picked up, and he’s got you on his shoulders. Your toes skimming the waters edge. He loves hearing your laugh, and you swear you hear him chuckle when you fall in.
·        He often remarks how he’s no longer eternally alone. And it makes your heart skip a beat.
·        He loves life in the slow lane, time is no object to him, so why not take things slow?
·        He’ll prefer slow and passionate sex during the warmer months. He knows you’re warm and he wants to make sure you’re okay. So slower and softer sex is on the cards. But if you want him to fuck you rough, then he is down for that, and the man has skill.
·        Geras needs a hug and I think we need to give him one.
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eraserisms · 2 months
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Fellas, is it gay to choke your doppelganger? 🤔
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thy-profound-idiot · 3 years
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ashiodfhaowiea;f;anhoianwoeaasdfjkloa?.1!
everything
i want to do everything
right here
right now
everything has to be done
every inch of creative power is mine in my hand and
I Need To Do It
Now
or else i will die
.
manic
panic
maybe i'm manic?
(i had to rewrite that line five times)
i don't think i'm manic
i need to see my psych
so that i can stop hopping myself up on
fragments of song lyrics and
pieces of poetic justice and
half-baked fever dream art shitposts and
fucked up traumacore character designs and
and
and.
.
why must i exist now?
why can't i have this energy in converse
at 2 pm
when the sun is waking and walking
and i am once more hiding in blinds
avoiding knowledge of a life outside my door
.
why do i Have To pound words upon paper
till some syllables of rhyme and rhythm makes enough sense
so that my rollercoaster tycoon god complex
is temporarily satiated.
why now?
why now
.
i am typing this as though a gun is pointed to my head
and a hatchet is held to my knees
because if i don't i will lie awake at the ceiling till 7 am and do nothing again with my life for another day except throw another self-pity party for all the things i have missed and all the things i am missing
(if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem !!1!!1)
my keyboard is burning blue and black and gold and red and
everything is on fire i am on fire i am the god i am god
i'm not manic i swear i couldn't possibly be i just need to make somethin
g i need to write something that i am the slightest bit, the smallest bit proud of so that i can sleep 1 i need to write i want to write
i want to write.
i want to write!
I Want To Write Goddamnit
Why Can't I Write
.
song lyrics
all i want to do is write one song
just one
i just want one
.
i'm lying.
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rockingthegraveyard · 4 years
Text
Tagged by @ohshanksno
Nickname: Cole or Grave. 
Zodiac: Aqua
Height: 5′7″
Time: 12:23 pm
Favorite band/artist: Hozier, White Lies, Jack Savoretti, MARINA, Half Alive, many several others honestly, it’s always switching up with me hahah. 
Song stuck in my head: It was a tie between ‘Getting Even’ by White Lies and ‘Only A Matter of Time’ by Headwater but since last night my brain is stuck on ‘Be Kind’ by Halsey/Marshmello.
Last movie I saw: Bro, it’s been too long, I couldn’t say. 
Last thing I googled: How to spell Atrocious ... i wasn’t even close fyi.
Other blogs: Art Blog, Writing Blog and an Aesthetics/Reference Blog.
Do I get asks: On rare occasion, but I’ve closed my inbox, just cause.
Why did I choose this username: Remember when we were all changing our urls to be Halloween themed???? I loved mine so much it stuck. Use to be something like, shit that use to be ‘rapidwaters’ man, so long ago ...... I’ve been on this site too long haha.
Following: IDK, I follow a lot of art blogs that post once in a blue moon and then, like, five shitpost/fuckall blogs that make up 80% of my dash.
Average amount of sleep: 😬😬😬😬
Lucky Number: nope
What I am wearing: Flamingo pj bottoms and a idk light sea foam green??? tank.
Dream Job: A little part of me still wants to work in the medical field I suppose.
Dream Trip: Ocean .... I don’t even care what ocean at this point, it’s been too long. 
Favorite Food: Anything with potatoes honestly. 
Instruments you play: I was that “I’m not immediately amazing at this instrument, I’m giving up” kind of kid. 
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Brown
Describe your aesthetic: Oceans, rivers, graveyards, foggy mornings, the quite blue before dawn, lightning storms, sleepless night, cups of tea, baking, cats and dogs, leather, rotted wood and rusted metal, popping joints, drying herbs, studded cuff, fire, blood, unfinished crafts, clutter, broken glass, hours of playing Zelda, buttons and pins. I didn’t know how to describe it so I just named a bunch of things I just associate with myself. 
Languages you speak: English
Most iconic song: Pick a song from Queen.
Random fact: I’m so hydrated almost all the time and it’s because I drink so much tea. So, so much tea. Winter? Cup after cup of piping hot tea. Summer? Ice tea all day every day. I have to pee all the time. Oh the woes of a human body. 
Tagging whomever likes to do these things. I never know!! So I’m tagging you, who is reading this and going, man, I want to do that. Yeah ... do it!
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wasgentlearch · 5 years
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OLYMPIAN AESTHETICS.
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APHRODITE //   laughter-loving. sweet smiles.   dressed in silk and satin.   flower in their hair.  sees the world as a runway. unapologetically sexual.  the sea washing their ankles.   in love with love.   stirrer of passion.    cunning concealed by painted lips. secret daggers.   doves.  revolution in their kiss. delighting in the waves. flirtatious winks. strolling along the beach.  staring wistfully from a balcony. this is how to be a heartbreaker.  wants to be adored.  gets turned on by danger.
APOLLO //          glitz and glamour. art galleries.  turning the volume up.  being made of gold. neatly organized music sheets.   notebooks filled with poetry.   bathing in the sunlight.  the powerful urge to create.  collecting vinyl records.   beautiful cover of wonderwall.   playing multiple instruments.  tasting like sunshine. healing touch.   speaking in prophecies.   smile mingled with wrath.  shunning lies.   sporting shades.  hanging out at music festivals with their friends.   sleeps naked.   arrow to the heart.  paint brushes.  probably has a tinder account.
ARES // armed for battle.  wants to raise a dog with their significant other.  soft spot for children.  gives piggyback rides.  scarred body. blood on their hands and face. willing to fight the world for the ones they love. fights against injustice.   warm hugs.  well worn combat boots.  boxing gloves. bandages wrapped around bruised knuckles.  fist raised in protest.   ignites revolutions. fear is a prison.  more sensitive than what their tough shell would have you think. exhausted.   damaged goods. force to be reckoned with. red roses.  curses under their breath.
ARTEMIS //             keen sense of a hunter.  freckles like constellations on their skin.  piercing eyes. disheveled braid.   moonlight peeking through the shadows. the calm of the forest at night. lying on the grass and staring at the stars. mother doe and her fawn.  protecting their kin. the moon shimmering on a still lake.  quiver full of arrows resting against the bark of a tree. running with wolves.   bonding while circled around a campfire.   not being much of a people person.   arrow hitting a target.  popping egos. patience on 3%. touches heaven and returns howling.
ATHENA //          discerning gaze.   unreadable face.   quiet museums.   owl perched on their finger.  armour that intimidates.   eye for architecture.   plays the sims for the sole purpose of building houses.   studied the blade while everyone else was busy getting laid. big fan of logic. loves brain teasers. ancient buildings.  sweaters in neutrals and cool colours.  hair done up.   can kill you with their brain. heads to the library often to research.  sharpened pencils.  abs that can cut steel. stoic statues.  pottery classes.
DEMETER //                 soil covered hands. smile that can bloom flowers.   skin loved by the sun.   being the mom friend.   can lift you and your friends.   flowers kept in the pockets of overalls.   takes pride in their beautiful garden.   speaks to their plants.  leaves rustling in the wind.   stalks of wheat.   picking fruit.   greenhouses. heart as strong as a mountain. values simplicity.   daisies dotted across a collarbone.  curls crowned with flowers. folded pile of sweaters in warm hues.   pulling out fresh baked bread out of the oven and the smell wafting through the air.
DIONYSUS //                    drunk shitposter. on their sixth glass of wine before you’ve even finished your second.  seductive smirks. untamed curls. rich fabrics on dark skin.   sleek furred panthers.   theatre masks.  stage productions.   receiving a standing ovation.  rose caught between their teeth. being the baby of the bunch.   wild parties that last from sundown to sunup.  creeping vines. inspiring loyalty. grand opera houses.  masquerade balls. rolls of film.   shattered chandeliers with broken glass scattered across the wine spilled floor. pouring champagne into flutes.   lives for the applause.
HEPHAESTUS //                           the calloused hands of someone who knows labor. sweaty brow.   flame burning in their eyes. inventive mind. broad shoulders.   steampunk goggles.   nuts and bolts stored away in little boxes.  ashes.  striking a match.   blueprints for future projects. fixing up a busted up car and giving it cool upgrades. wrestles with bitterness.  work boots have seen better years.   wrinkled plaid shirts.   iron melted in blazing fire.   huge jackets.  crafting masterpieces. greased stained overalls.   fascination with robotics.   pain is fuel.   stack of weaponry. even their muscles have muscles.
HERA //            resting bitch face. dressed to the nines.   cows grazing on a pasture.  cool rain. loving and hating fiercely. hand clutching a string of pearls.   large chandelier with glittering crystals.   plays the sims for the sole purpose of killing off their sims.   romance to realism.   pictures of the sky while flying on a plane.   files that under fuck it.   downs glasses of wine as they relax with a scented bubble bath and netflix.  like their selfie or you’re grounded. knows 57 convenient ways to murder a man.  dark eyes that penetrate your soul. marble and gold.
HERMES //          devil - may - care smile. always up - to - date on the latest technology. will steal your french fries.  does it for the vine.  shitposter.   puts googly eyes on everything. meme hoarder.   long drives on the highway. ma and pop diners.  spontaneous road trips.   folded maps.   fingers dancing across the keyboard of a laptop. shooting hoops on the basketball court.   chatting up strangers as you all journey to your own destinations. goes jogging in the morning.  mixes redbull with coffee.   menace on april fool’s.   hoodies and sneakers.
POSEIDON //                    storm with skin.   colorful coral reefs.  waves crashing against the shore. stroking the soft fur of a cat. their heart pounding as their horse’s gentle trot speeds into a gallop.  tousled locks. clothes smeared with paint.   owns several sketchbooks yet always yearns to own more.   leather jackets.  fondness for diy projects. handwriting that flows across the page. nimble fingers playing the strings of a violin.   a velvety singing voice that haunts your dreams. mood as ever-changing as the sea.   the roar of a motorcycle.  compass with a spinning arrow.
HADES //          walking home alone in the early morning.  back alleys. drinking alone in a graveyard.  crippling loneliness hidden by sarcasm and cynicism. crows picking a carcass.   untended dead flowers.  the black sheep of the family.   black coffee.  money can’t buy you happiness. murder mystery dinner parties.   blood on your shirt collar.   dust illuminated by sunlight.   classical music.   dogs are better than people.   quiet wrath  .  shady business deals. taking what you are owed.   paint it black.  seasonal affective disorder.  popping the suit collar.   grey rain on a cityscape.
ZEUS //             thunder in their heart. running on coffee.  a flash of lightning.  unnatural charisma.eloquence.   badass in a nice suit.   an aficionado of history.  a force of nature. lenny’s face.  nightmare - filled nights. proud arm around their lover’s waist. high - rise buildings.  planes soaring through a cloudless sky.   technician on the piano.   maintains order.  strong handshake. juggling multiple events on their busy schedule with ease. expensive watch.
tagged by: half 1 of 2 of Team Treason aka @goldenngore
tagging: @hiddensteel, @outlawerofbeets, @hemagnificent & @hejust, @soulofsea, @darlingflight
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black-omen-born · 6 years
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(these mythology ones always have the weirdest fuckin entries to me, idk, like i always end up sitting there being like “what the hell does this have to do with the theme, and half of these need to be swapped around” but @blackrose-ffxiv tagged me so here goes)
Aphrodite: laughter-loving, sweet smiles, dressed in silk and satin, flower in their hair, thrives on attention, sees the world as a runway, unapologetically sexual, the sea washing their ankles, in love with love, stirrer of passion, cunning concealed by painted lips, secret daggers, doves, revolution in their kiss, delighting in the waves, flirtatious winks, strolling along the beach, staring wistfully from a balcony, this is how to be a heartbreaker, your girlfriend thinks they’re attractive, wants to be adored, gets turned on by danger
Apollo: glitz and glamour, art galleries, turning the volume up, being made of gold, neatly-organized music sheets, notebooks filled with poetry, bathing in the sunlight, the powerful urge to create, collecting vinyl records, beautiful cover of Wonderwall, playing multiple instruments, tasting like sunshine, healing touch, speaking in prophecies, smile mingled with wrath, shunning lies, sporting shades, hanging out at music festivals with their friends, sleeps naked, arrow to the heart, paint brushes, probably has a Tinder account
Ares: armed for battle, wants to raise a dog with their significant other, soft spot for children, gives piggyback rides, scarred body, blood on their hands and face, willing to fight the world for the ones they love, fights against injustice, warm hugs, well-worn combat boots, boxing gloves, bandages wrapped around bruised knuckles, fist raised in protest, ignites revolutions, fear is a prison, more sensitive than what their tough shell may have you think, exhausted, damaged goods, force to be reckoned with, red roses, curses under their breath
Artemis: keen senses of a hunter, freckles like constellations on their skin, piercing eyes, disheveled braid, moonlight peeking through the shadows, the calm of the forest at night, lying on the grass and staring at the stars, mother doe and her fawn, protecting their kin, the moon shimmering on a still lake, quiver full of arrows resting against the bark of a tree, running with wolves, bonding while circled around a campfire, not being much of a people person, arrow hitting its target, popping egos, patience on 3%, touches heaven and returns howling
Athena: discerning gaze, unreadable face, the patience of a life-long teacher, quiet museums, owl perched on their finger, armor that intimidates, eye for architecture, plays the sims for the sole purpose of building houses, studied the blade while everyone else was busy getting laid, big fan of logic, loves brain teasers, go-getter, balls of wool displayed on shelves, ancient buildings, sweaters in neutrals and cool colors, hair done up, can kill you with their brain, heads to the library often to research, sharpened pencils, abs that can cut steel, stoic statues, pottery classes  
Demeter: soil-covered hands, smile that can bloom flowers, skin loved by the sun, being the mom friend, can lift you and all of your friends, flowers kept in the pockets of overalls, takes pride in their beautiful garden, speaks to their plants, leaves rustling in the wind, stalks of wheat, picking fruit, greenhouses, heart as strong as a mountain, values simplicity, daisies dotted across a collarbone, curls crowned with flowers, folded pile of sweaters in warm hues, pulling out fresh-baked bread out of the oven and the smell wafting through the air
Dionysus: drunk shitposter, on their sixth glass of wine before you’ve even finished your second, seductive smirks, untamed curls, rich fabrics on dark skin, sleek-furred panthers, theater masks, stage productions, receiving a standing ovation, rose caught between their teeth, being the baby of the bunch, wild parties that last from sundown to sunup, creeping vines, inspiring loyalty, grand opera houses, masquerade balls, rolls of film, shattered chandeliers with broken glass scattered across the wine-spilled floor, pouring champagne into flutes, lives for the applause
Hephaestus: the calloused hands of someone who knows labor, sweaty brow, flame burning in their eyes, inventive mind, broad shoulders,steampunk goggles, nuts and bolts stored away in little boxes, ashes, striking a match, blueprints for future projects, fixing up a busted up car and giving it cool upgrades, wrestles with bitterness, work boots have seen better years, wrinkled plaid shirts, iron melted by blazing fire, huge jackets, crafting masterpieces, greased-stained overalls, fascination with robotics, pain is fuel, stack of weaponry, even their muscles have muscles
Hera: resting bitch face, dressed to the nines, cows grazing on a pasture, cool rain, loving and hating fiercely, hand clutching a string of pearls, large chandelier with glittering crystals, plays the sims for the sole purpose of killing off their sims, romance to realism, pictures of the sky while flying on a plane, files that under fuck it, downs glasses of wine as they relax with a scented bubble bath and netflix, like their selfie or you’re grounded, knows 57 convenient ways to murder a man, dark eyes that penetrate your soul, marble and gold
Hermes: devil-may-care smile, ink-stained hands, always up-to-date on the latest technology, will steal your french fries, does it for the vine, shitposter, puts googly eyes on everything, meme hoarder, long drives on the highway, ma and pop diners, spontaneous road trips, folded maps, fingers dancing across the keyboard of a laptop, shooting hoops on the basketball court, chatting up strangers as you all journey to your own destinations,goes jogging in the morning, mixes red bull with coffee, menace on april fool’s, hoodies and sneakers    
Poseidon: storm with skin, colorful coral reefs, waves crashing against the shore, the sea casting its spell, stroking the soft fur of a cat, their heart pounding as their horse’s gentle trot speeds into a gallop, tousled locks, clothes smeared with paint, owns several sketchbooks yet always yearns to own more, leather jackets, fondness for diy projects, handwriting that flows across the page,nimble fingers playing the strings of a violin, velvety singing voice that haunts your dreams, mood as ever-changing as the sea, the roar of a motorcycle, compass with a spinning arrow
Zeus: thunder in their heart, running on coffee, flash of lightning, natural charisma, eloquence, badass in a nice suit, aficionado of history, force of nature, lenny face, pretends that they don’t have feelings but they do, nightmare-filled nights, proud arm around their lover’s waist, high-rise buildings, planes soaring through a cloudless sky, technician on the piano, maintains order, strong handshake, juggling multiple events on their busy schedule with apparent ease, most likely to be voted class president out of their peers, expensive watch
((tagging anyone who reads this and is interested, as per usual
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cyberpoetryballoon · 4 years
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The Beautiful Chaos of Messy Instagram Cakes
How long can you really stare at perfection? When everything is exactly as you could imagine it, what's the point in continuing to look? Imperfection, meanwhile, prompts a continued gaze, even if it's only to figure out whether you like it or not.
This is the appeal of the Instagram cakes heaped with globs of garish frosting, photographed with a harsh shine—at times, unsettlingly zoomed in. Welcome to the lurid side of cake Instagram, where there are no blankets of fondant, no buttercream spackled into submission, and no faux marble surface for naturally lit flatlays. This is the part of Instagram where food gets weird.
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Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
What makes a "hoe cake"? Artist and designer Sara Sarmiento, who started the Instagram @hoe_cakes in late 2019, knows what fits her page when she sees it. When she started following baking accounts during a period of unemployment, "the only ones that really caught my eye were the disastrous, really messy ones," Sarmiento said. Hoe Cakes, which now has over 15,000 followers and serves as a nexus for the experimental cake niche, became a place for her to collect the cakes she found the most beautiful.
These are cakes that melt, shine, and drip—that are topped with cigarettes (and posed with a foot holding another cigarette), or bunnies humping, or the word "bitch" in rotund scrawl. They are lumpy, smeared, and half-destroyed. They could be an ornate fever dream of fruit and frosting, or a simple collection of whorls as if a tie-dye shirt became edible. The cakes are shot with flash amid fridge interiors or cluttered tablescapes, often so low-resolution they evoke the early days of single-megapixel point-and-shoot digital cameras. They may be immediately unappealing to some, but they look like nothing else on food Instagram.
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Photos courtesy Sara Sarmiento
Though people submit pictures of neat, professional cakes to Hoe Cakes, that's not what Sarmiento is collecting. "I don't want to say ugly, but just like, messy in a visceral kind of way," she said of her preference. Ugly isn't a negative to her—in fact, "the uglier, the better"—though she isn't sure how other people might feel about it. "They are ugly and messy and just like, slutty. I don't know why 'slutty' is the word that I would describe these cakes as, but that is one." These cakes are Big Fondant's worst nightmare.
"Instagram food" is now a pejorative used to refer to food made to go viral. The writer Amanda Mull once described it, cronuts and all, as a "sad, sparkly lie" that turned consuming into a "status performance," since the food doesn't need to be eaten—let alone taste good—to be Instagram fodder. A side effect of this made-for-Instagram culture is that foods blend into an indiscernible swirl of dye, buttercream, and well-lit, newest-iPhone-quality photos. "[T]his is the nature of the Instagram beast: People want the cake they saw someone else have," writer Alicia Kennedy commented in a 2018 piece about the homogenization of the dessert world. Instagram cakes as we've come to know them are polished, and to make one requires abiding by a set aesthetic.
The energy in this part of the Instagram cake scene is different. Its lack of veneer is irreverent, like a shitpost selfie, the flash illuminating every pore. A corrective to the idea of "Instagram food," these are cakes nonplussed with perfection.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
"I would definitely say fairly chaotic," said ceramic-artist-turned-hobbyist-baker Alli Gelles, describing the cakes she shares as @cakes4sport. Gelles's maximalist sculptural cakes have become some of the most recognizable in this niche. Fruit, frosting, and sprigs cover every inch, and sprinkles of edible glitter make them sparkle like a butterfly clip from an earlier era of Claire's. "A lot of the imagery, I think, is based on my Y2K bedroom... When I started working in this 'anything goes'-mode, I started reverting back to that," she said. In ceramics, Gelles prefers when she can create without obsessing over technicality, and that approach extends to cakes. "Because I'm working from an artist lens as opposed to a professional baker lens, [it's] almost like the rules don't apply."
Instagram's experimental cake niche is growing. Follow Sarmiento and Gelles, and your recommendations will fill with accounts going similarly galaxy-brained. Caitlin Palmer began making cakes in May to cure boredom and made the account @c4k3l1n to keep track of them. Palmer uses the page to share her work and to interact with other cake makers, all of whom have been willing to share tips. "It's like unprofessional people who are just trying to make very intricate, complicated cakes for kind of the first time," she said.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Caitlin Palmer/@c4k3l1n
To Palmer—who describes herself as "really into niche Instagram in general," as she also has an account for mushroom content—part of the appeal of this cake scene might be the freeing nature of the second Instagram. Following the path that teenagers paved, the Finsta ("fake Instagram") is a place to be weird online. This niche, Palmer suggested, might be like "the baking Finsta." Whereas she might curate other Instagram content, she lets her cake account exist freely, trying "whatever" and being supportive when others do the same.
"For the most part, I think people are just like, 'What do I have around here?'" Palmer said. She puts her cakes on 30-cent, reflective, disposable pizza pans and takes photos with her phone, preferring flash for its ability to make cakes look "weirder" and "more sculptural." This type of unrestrained flash is, of course, what incited responses of horror to Martha Stewart's early food tweets. While photography is similarly pragmatic for Gelles, it fits into her broader mindset: "If that's really the thing that people aren't into, then you're not gonna like these kinds of cakes—it's not polished at all."
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
Instagram has tried to convince us of a lot of lies, many of which we've internalized: that "flat tummy tea" is a good health choice; that Glossier products make you look like a Glossier girl; that homes exist without clutter; that some people just wake up "like that"; that food needs to look a certain way to be good. (Dave Chang uses the phrase "ugly delicious" for a reason.)
But what if food is messy and unsettling to look at? What if we took in the ugliness, questioned why we dislike it, and let it simmer, like leaning into a painful yoga pose? Nobody would die, though food stylists and influencers everywhere might gasp in shock. After, though, we might be awakened to a world of Instagram food that's weird and free, without the inexplicable standards created by influencers and brands.
Tumblr media
Photo courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
Sarmiento loves the "glorious lump of frosting" when new bakers send her their work. To her, the barrier to entry to these cakes is lower, and there's no gatekeeping. "I want people to feel like anybody can make art," she said. It's not a coincidence that Sarmiento, Gelles, and Palmer (who works at a museum) are all part of the art world. "I think a lot of people who make the most beautiful cakes—the ugliest, beautiful, sluttiest cakes—are artists and queer people," Sarmiento said. To her, people are seeing cakes in a new light as an art form that's not just visually entrancing, but also purposeful.
Unlike ceramics, which requires special equipment and plenty of time, the satisfaction of making and decorating cakes is accessible and immediate, Gelles said. Though the idea of creating art in order to sell it has tripped her up in the past, taking on cakes as a hobby lets her create for the sake of creating.
"As far as cakes, it's like, well, if I make it, somebody's gonna eat it," she said. "Even if they don't get it, even if you don't think this is a pretty cake, you're at least going to eat it. You're going to enjoy it—and who doesn't like cake?"
Follow Bettina Makalintal on Twitter.
via VICE US - Munchies VICE US - Munchies via Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network
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carolrhackett85282 · 4 years
Text
The Beautiful Chaos of Messy Instagram Cakes
How long can you really stare at perfection? When everything is exactly as you could imagine it, what's the point in continuing to look? Imperfection, meanwhile, prompts a continued gaze, even if it's only to figure out whether you like it or not.
This is the appeal of the Instagram cakes heaped with globs of garish frosting, photographed with a harsh shine—at times, unsettlingly zoomed in. Welcome to the lurid side of cake Instagram, where there are no blankets of fondant, no buttercream spackled into submission, and no faux marble surface for naturally lit flatlays. This is the part of Instagram where food gets weird.
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
What makes a "hoe cake"? Artist and designer Sara Sarmiento, who started the Instagram @hoe_cakes in late 2019, knows what fits her page when she sees it. When she started following baking accounts during a period of unemployment, "the only ones that really caught my eye were the disastrous, really messy ones," Sarmiento said. Hoe Cakes, which now has over 15,000 followers and serves as a nexus for the experimental cake niche, became a place for her to collect the cakes she found the most beautiful.
These are cakes that melt, shine, and drip—that are topped with cigarettes (and posed with a foot holding another cigarette), or bunnies humping, or the word "bitch" in rotund scrawl. They are lumpy, smeared, and half-destroyed. They could be an ornate fever dream of fruit and frosting, or a simple collection of whorls as if a tie-dye shirt became edible. The cakes are shot with flash amid fridge interiors or cluttered tablescapes, often so low-resolution they evoke the early days of single-megapixel point-and-shoot digital cameras. They may be immediately unappealing to some, but they look like nothing else on food Instagram.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Sara Sarmiento
Though people submit pictures of neat, professional cakes to Hoe Cakes, that's not what Sarmiento is collecting. "I don't want to say ugly, but just like, messy in a visceral kind of way," she said of her preference. Ugly isn't a negative to her—in fact, "the uglier, the better"—though she isn't sure how other people might feel about it. "They are ugly and messy and just like, slutty. I don't know why 'slutty' is the word that I would describe these cakes as, but that is one." These cakes are Big Fondant's worst nightmare.
"Instagram food" is now a pejorative used to refer to food made to go viral. The writer Amanda Mull once described it, cronuts and all, as a "sad, sparkly lie" that turned consuming into a "status performance," since the food doesn't need to be eaten—let alone taste good—to be Instagram fodder. A side effect of this made-for-Instagram culture is that foods blend into an indiscernible swirl of dye, buttercream, and well-lit, newest-iPhone-quality photos. "[T]his is the nature of the Instagram beast: People want the cake they saw someone else have," writer Alicia Kennedy commented in a 2018 piece about the homogenization of the dessert world. Instagram cakes as we've come to know them are polished, and to make one requires abiding by a set aesthetic.
The energy in this part of the Instagram cake scene is different. Its lack of veneer is irreverent, like a shitpost selfie, the flash illuminating every pore. A corrective to the idea of "Instagram food," these are cakes nonplussed with perfection.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
"I would definitely say fairly chaotic," said ceramic-artist-turned-hobbyist-baker Alli Gelles, describing the cakes she shares as @cakes4sport. Gelles's maximalist sculptural cakes have become some of the most recognizable in this niche. Fruit, frosting, and sprigs cover every inch, and sprinkles of edible glitter make them sparkle like a butterfly clip from an earlier era of Claire's. "A lot of the imagery, I think, is based on my Y2K bedroom... When I started working in this 'anything goes'-mode, I started reverting back to that," she said. In ceramics, Gelles prefers when she can create without obsessing over technicality, and that approach extends to cakes. "Because I'm working from an artist lens as opposed to a professional baker lens, [it's] almost like the rules don't apply."
Instagram's experimental cake niche is growing. Follow Sarmiento and Gelles, and your recommendations will fill with accounts going similarly galaxy-brained. Caitlin Palmer began making cakes in May to cure boredom and made the account @c4k3l1n to keep track of them. Palmer uses the page to share her work and to interact with other cake makers, all of whom have been willing to share tips. "It's like unprofessional people who are just trying to make very intricate, complicated cakes for kind of the first time," she said.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Caitlin Palmer/@c4k3l1n
To Palmer—who describes herself as "really into niche Instagram in general," as she also has an account for mushroom content—part of the appeal of this cake scene might be the freeing nature of the second Instagram. Following the path that teenagers paved, the Finsta ("fake Instagram") is a place to be weird online. This niche, Palmer suggested, might be like "the baking Finsta." Whereas she might curate other Instagram content, she lets her cake account exist freely, trying "whatever" and being supportive when others do the same.
"For the most part, I think people are just like, 'What do I have around here?'" Palmer said. She puts her cakes on 30-cent, reflective, disposable pizza pans and takes photos with her phone, preferring flash for its ability to make cakes look "weirder" and "more sculptural." This type of unrestrained flash is, of course, what incited responses of horror to Martha Stewart's early food tweets. While photography is similarly pragmatic for Gelles, it fits into her broader mindset: "If that's really the thing that people aren't into, then you're not gonna like these kinds of cakes—it's not polished at all."
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
Instagram has tried to convince us of a lot of lies, many of which we've internalized: that "flat tummy tea" is a good health choice; that Glossier products make you look like a Glossier girl; that homes exist without clutter; that some people just wake up "like that"; that food needs to look a certain way to be good. (Dave Chang uses the phrase "ugly delicious" for a reason.)
But what if food is messy and unsettling to look at? What if we took in the ugliness, questioned why we dislike it, and let it simmer, like leaning into a painful yoga pose? Nobody would die, though food stylists and influencers everywhere might gasp in shock. After, though, we might be awakened to a world of Instagram food that's weird and free, without the inexplicable standards created by influencers and brands.
Tumblr media
Photo courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
Sarmiento loves the "glorious lump of frosting" when new bakers send her their work. To her, the barrier to entry to these cakes is lower, and there's no gatekeeping. "I want people to feel like anybody can make art," she said. It's not a coincidence that Sarmiento, Gelles, and Palmer (who works at a museum) are all part of the art world. "I think a lot of people who make the most beautiful cakes—the ugliest, beautiful, sluttiest cakes—are artists and queer people," Sarmiento said. To her, people are seeing cakes in a new light as an art form that's not just visually entrancing, but also purposeful.
Unlike ceramics, which requires special equipment and plenty of time, the satisfaction of making and decorating cakes is accessible and immediate, Gelles said. Though the idea of creating art in order to sell it has tripped her up in the past, taking on cakes as a hobby lets her create for the sake of creating.
"As far as cakes, it's like, well, if I make it, somebody's gonna eat it," she said. "Even if they don't get it, even if you don't think this is a pretty cake, you're at least going to eat it. You're going to enjoy it—and who doesn't like cake?"
Follow Bettina Makalintal on Twitter.
via VICE US - Munchies VICE US - Munchies via Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network
0 notes
melodymgill49801 · 4 years
Text
The Beautiful Chaos of Messy Instagram Cakes
How long can you really stare at perfection? When everything is exactly as you could imagine it, what's the point in continuing to look? Imperfection, meanwhile, prompts a continued gaze, even if it's only to figure out whether you like it or not.
This is the appeal of the Instagram cakes heaped with globs of garish frosting, photographed with a harsh shine—at times, unsettlingly zoomed in. Welcome to the lurid side of cake Instagram, where there are no blankets of fondant, no buttercream spackled into submission, and no faux marble surface for naturally lit flatlays. This is the part of Instagram where food gets weird.
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
What makes a "hoe cake"? Artist and designer Sara Sarmiento, who started the Instagram @hoe_cakes in late 2019, knows what fits her page when she sees it. When she started following baking accounts during a period of unemployment, "the only ones that really caught my eye were the disastrous, really messy ones," Sarmiento said. Hoe Cakes, which now has over 15,000 followers and serves as a nexus for the experimental cake niche, became a place for her to collect the cakes she found the most beautiful.
These are cakes that melt, shine, and drip—that are topped with cigarettes (and posed with a foot holding another cigarette), or bunnies humping, or the word "bitch" in rotund scrawl. They are lumpy, smeared, and half-destroyed. They could be an ornate fever dream of fruit and frosting, or a simple collection of whorls as if a tie-dye shirt became edible. The cakes are shot with flash amid fridge interiors or cluttered tablescapes, often so low-resolution they evoke the early days of single-megapixel point-and-shoot digital cameras. They may be immediately unappealing to some, but they look like nothing else on food Instagram.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Sara Sarmiento
Though people submit pictures of neat, professional cakes to Hoe Cakes, that's not what Sarmiento is collecting. "I don't want to say ugly, but just like, messy in a visceral kind of way," she said of her preference. Ugly isn't a negative to her—in fact, "the uglier, the better"—though she isn't sure how other people might feel about it. "They are ugly and messy and just like, slutty. I don't know why 'slutty' is the word that I would describe these cakes as, but that is one." These cakes are Big Fondant's worst nightmare.
"Instagram food" is now a pejorative used to refer to food made to go viral. The writer Amanda Mull once described it, cronuts and all, as a "sad, sparkly lie" that turned consuming into a "status performance," since the food doesn't need to be eaten—let alone taste good—to be Instagram fodder. A side effect of this made-for-Instagram culture is that foods blend into an indiscernible swirl of dye, buttercream, and well-lit, newest-iPhone-quality photos. "[T]his is the nature of the Instagram beast: People want the cake they saw someone else have," writer Alicia Kennedy commented in a 2018 piece about the homogenization of the dessert world. Instagram cakes as we've come to know them are polished, and to make one requires abiding by a set aesthetic.
The energy in this part of the Instagram cake scene is different. Its lack of veneer is irreverent, like a shitpost selfie, the flash illuminating every pore. A corrective to the idea of "Instagram food," these are cakes nonplussed with perfection.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
"I would definitely say fairly chaotic," said ceramic-artist-turned-hobbyist-baker Alli Gelles, describing the cakes she shares as @cakes4sport. Gelles's maximalist sculptural cakes have become some of the most recognizable in this niche. Fruit, frosting, and sprigs cover every inch, and sprinkles of edible glitter make them sparkle like a butterfly clip from an earlier era of Claire's. "A lot of the imagery, I think, is based on my Y2K bedroom... When I started working in this 'anything goes'-mode, I started reverting back to that," she said. In ceramics, Gelles prefers when she can create without obsessing over technicality, and that approach extends to cakes. "Because I'm working from an artist lens as opposed to a professional baker lens, [it's] almost like the rules don't apply."
Instagram's experimental cake niche is growing. Follow Sarmiento and Gelles, and your recommendations will fill with accounts going similarly galaxy-brained. Caitlin Palmer began making cakes in May to cure boredom and made the account @c4k3l1n to keep track of them. Palmer uses the page to share her work and to interact with other cake makers, all of whom have been willing to share tips. "It's like unprofessional people who are just trying to make very intricate, complicated cakes for kind of the first time," she said.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Caitlin Palmer/@c4k3l1n
To Palmer—who describes herself as "really into niche Instagram in general," as she also has an account for mushroom content—part of the appeal of this cake scene might be the freeing nature of the second Instagram. Following the path that teenagers paved, the Finsta ("fake Instagram") is a place to be weird online. This niche, Palmer suggested, might be like "the baking Finsta." Whereas she might curate other Instagram content, she lets her cake account exist freely, trying "whatever" and being supportive when others do the same.
"For the most part, I think people are just like, 'What do I have around here?'" Palmer said. She puts her cakes on 30-cent, reflective, disposable pizza pans and takes photos with her phone, preferring flash for its ability to make cakes look "weirder" and "more sculptural." This type of unrestrained flash is, of course, what incited responses of horror to Martha Stewart's early food tweets. While photography is similarly pragmatic for Gelles, it fits into her broader mindset: "If that's really the thing that people aren't into, then you're not gonna like these kinds of cakes—it's not polished at all."
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
Instagram has tried to convince us of a lot of lies, many of which we've internalized: that "flat tummy tea" is a good health choice; that Glossier products make you look like a Glossier girl; that homes exist without clutter; that some people just wake up "like that"; that food needs to look a certain way to be good. (Dave Chang uses the phrase "ugly delicious" for a reason.)
But what if food is messy and unsettling to look at? What if we took in the ugliness, questioned why we dislike it, and let it simmer, like leaning into a painful yoga pose? Nobody would die, though food stylists and influencers everywhere might gasp in shock. After, though, we might be awakened to a world of Instagram food that's weird and free, without the inexplicable standards created by influencers and brands.
Tumblr media
Photo courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
Sarmiento loves the "glorious lump of frosting" when new bakers send her their work. To her, the barrier to entry to these cakes is lower, and there's no gatekeeping. "I want people to feel like anybody can make art," she said. It's not a coincidence that Sarmiento, Gelles, and Palmer (who works at a museum) are all part of the art world. "I think a lot of people who make the most beautiful cakes—the ugliest, beautiful, sluttiest cakes—are artists and queer people," Sarmiento said. To her, people are seeing cakes in a new light as an art form that's not just visually entrancing, but also purposeful.
Unlike ceramics, which requires special equipment and plenty of time, the satisfaction of making and decorating cakes is accessible and immediate, Gelles said. Though the idea of creating art in order to sell it has tripped her up in the past, taking on cakes as a hobby lets her create for the sake of creating.
"As far as cakes, it's like, well, if I make it, somebody's gonna eat it," she said. "Even if they don't get it, even if you don't think this is a pretty cake, you're at least going to eat it. You're going to enjoy it—and who doesn't like cake?"
Follow Bettina Makalintal on Twitter.
via VICE US - Munchies VICE US - Munchies via Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network
0 notes
Text
The Beautiful Chaos of Messy Instagram Cakes
How long can you really stare at perfection? When everything is exactly as you could imagine it, what's the point in continuing to look? Imperfection, meanwhile, prompts a continued gaze, even if it's only to figure out whether you like it or not.
This is the appeal of the Instagram cakes heaped with globs of garish frosting, photographed with a harsh shine—at times, unsettlingly zoomed in. Welcome to the lurid side of cake Instagram, where there are no blankets of fondant, no buttercream spackled into submission, and no faux marble surface for naturally lit flatlays. This is the part of Instagram where food gets weird.
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
What makes a "hoe cake"? Artist and designer Sara Sarmiento, who started the Instagram @hoe_cakes in late 2019, knows what fits her page when she sees it. When she started following baking accounts during a period of unemployment, "the only ones that really caught my eye were the disastrous, really messy ones," Sarmiento said. Hoe Cakes, which now has over 15,000 followers and serves as a nexus for the experimental cake niche, became a place for her to collect the cakes she found the most beautiful.
These are cakes that melt, shine, and drip—that are topped with cigarettes (and posed with a foot holding another cigarette), or bunnies humping, or the word "bitch" in rotund scrawl. They are lumpy, smeared, and half-destroyed. They could be an ornate fever dream of fruit and frosting, or a simple collection of whorls as if a tie-dye shirt became edible. The cakes are shot with flash amid fridge interiors or cluttered tablescapes, often so low-resolution they evoke the early days of single-megapixel point-and-shoot digital cameras. They may be immediately unappealing to some, but they look like nothing else on food Instagram.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Sara Sarmiento
Though people submit pictures of neat, professional cakes to Hoe Cakes, that's not what Sarmiento is collecting. "I don't want to say ugly, but just like, messy in a visceral kind of way," she said of her preference. Ugly isn't a negative to her—in fact, "the uglier, the better"—though she isn't sure how other people might feel about it. "They are ugly and messy and just like, slutty. I don't know why 'slutty' is the word that I would describe these cakes as, but that is one." These cakes are Big Fondant's worst nightmare.
"Instagram food" is now a pejorative used to refer to food made to go viral. The writer Amanda Mull once described it, cronuts and all, as a "sad, sparkly lie" that turned consuming into a "status performance," since the food doesn't need to be eaten—let alone taste good—to be Instagram fodder. A side effect of this made-for-Instagram culture is that foods blend into an indiscernible swirl of dye, buttercream, and well-lit, newest-iPhone-quality photos. "[T]his is the nature of the Instagram beast: People want the cake they saw someone else have," writer Alicia Kennedy commented in a 2018 piece about the homogenization of the dessert world. Instagram cakes as we've come to know them are polished, and to make one requires abiding by a set aesthetic.
The energy in this part of the Instagram cake scene is different. Its lack of veneer is irreverent, like a shitpost selfie, the flash illuminating every pore. A corrective to the idea of "Instagram food," these are cakes nonplussed with perfection.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
"I would definitely say fairly chaotic," said ceramic-artist-turned-hobbyist-baker Alli Gelles, describing the cakes she shares as @cakes4sport. Gelles's maximalist sculptural cakes have become some of the most recognizable in this niche. Fruit, frosting, and sprigs cover every inch, and sprinkles of edible glitter make them sparkle like a butterfly clip from an earlier era of Claire's. "A lot of the imagery, I think, is based on my Y2K bedroom... When I started working in this 'anything goes'-mode, I started reverting back to that," she said. In ceramics, Gelles prefers when she can create without obsessing over technicality, and that approach extends to cakes. "Because I'm working from an artist lens as opposed to a professional baker lens, [it's] almost like the rules don't apply."
Instagram's experimental cake niche is growing. Follow Sarmiento and Gelles, and your recommendations will fill with accounts going similarly galaxy-brained. Caitlin Palmer began making cakes in May to cure boredom and made the account @c4k3l1n to keep track of them. Palmer uses the page to share her work and to interact with other cake makers, all of whom have been willing to share tips. "It's like unprofessional people who are just trying to make very intricate, complicated cakes for kind of the first time," she said.
Tumblr media
Photos courtesy Caitlin Palmer/@c4k3l1n
To Palmer—who describes herself as "really into niche Instagram in general," as she also has an account for mushroom content—part of the appeal of this cake scene might be the freeing nature of the second Instagram. Following the path that teenagers paved, the Finsta ("fake Instagram") is a place to be weird online. This niche, Palmer suggested, might be like "the baking Finsta." Whereas she might curate other Instagram content, she lets her cake account exist freely, trying "whatever" and being supportive when others do the same.
"For the most part, I think people are just like, 'What do I have around here?'" Palmer said. She puts her cakes on 30-cent, reflective, disposable pizza pans and takes photos with her phone, preferring flash for its ability to make cakes look "weirder" and "more sculptural." This type of unrestrained flash is, of course, what incited responses of horror to Martha Stewart's early food tweets. While photography is similarly pragmatic for Gelles, it fits into her broader mindset: "If that's really the thing that people aren't into, then you're not gonna like these kinds of cakes—it's not polished at all."
Tumblr media
Screenshot via Instagram/@_hoe_cakes_
Instagram has tried to convince us of a lot of lies, many of which we've internalized: that "flat tummy tea" is a good health choice; that Glossier products make you look like a Glossier girl; that homes exist without clutter; that some people just wake up "like that"; that food needs to look a certain way to be good. (Dave Chang uses the phrase "ugly delicious" for a reason.)
But what if food is messy and unsettling to look at? What if we took in the ugliness, questioned why we dislike it, and let it simmer, like leaning into a painful yoga pose? Nobody would die, though food stylists and influencers everywhere might gasp in shock. After, though, we might be awakened to a world of Instagram food that's weird and free, without the inexplicable standards created by influencers and brands.
Tumblr media
Photo courtesy Alli Gelles/@cakes4sport
Sarmiento loves the "glorious lump of frosting" when new bakers send her their work. To her, the barrier to entry to these cakes is lower, and there's no gatekeeping. "I want people to feel like anybody can make art," she said. It's not a coincidence that Sarmiento, Gelles, and Palmer (who works at a museum) are all part of the art world. "I think a lot of people who make the most beautiful cakes—the ugliest, beautiful, sluttiest cakes—are artists and queer people," Sarmiento said. To her, people are seeing cakes in a new light as an art form that's not just visually entrancing, but also purposeful.
Unlike ceramics, which requires special equipment and plenty of time, the satisfaction of making and decorating cakes is accessible and immediate, Gelles said. Though the idea of creating art in order to sell it has tripped her up in the past, taking on cakes as a hobby lets her create for the sake of creating.
"As far as cakes, it's like, well, if I make it, somebody's gonna eat it," she said. "Even if they don't get it, even if you don't think this is a pretty cake, you're at least going to eat it. You're going to enjoy it—and who doesn't like cake?"
Follow Bettina Makalintal on Twitter.
via VICE US - Munchies VICE US - Munchies via Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network Mom's Kitchen Recipe Network
0 notes