#So on some level this situation would please Roman in more ways than one

[masquenoire]

OOC// An ask in honour of sinday: what is one of Roman’s most recurring or biggest sexual fantasies?

(In which I go on a ramble about something people might not have expected?)

Roman has a lot of fantasies, some of them being a tad more questionable than others but a big one he’s got that isn’t just a sexual matter for him is corruption. When I say corruption, I don’t mean corrupting somebody in a kinky way - that’s all good fun of course, but there’s a certain ‘gratification’ about the idea of thoroughly corrupting a good person, say for a example, a hero? It’s the whole forbidden fruit thing, how it’s completely wrong about a villain swaying a good person to become a little more selfish, more inclined to care about themselves than about other people who don’t matter... and then pushing them that little bit more, helping that same beloved hero peel away all the silly, idealistic nonsense that society’s hammered into their sweet little heads over the years before taking their hand and molding them into something better. It’s a kink that scratches all the right itches for a man like Roman, somebody who is especially interested in what people are really like beneath their costumes and masks. What will he find once he’s stripped somebody down to the bare bones and the very foundations of their being? A good romp with a superhero or vigilante is right up there of course, especially if he can leave them with a scar or two so they can always remember that little moment of weakness, of that one time how they slipped and can’t help but think on how they weren’t always so perfect and good. It’s sick and twisted, and Roman knows it - which is exactly why it appeals to him so much. Heroes can die, be it of old age, sickness or in battle but that’s nothing compared to corrupting a hero’s heart and turning them against their old ways.

[transmutationisms]

please talk to me about the physical interactions between kendall and roman. especially the tight hug. i lost my mind watching that. it felt ambiguous as to who was pushing the stitches harder.

yeah i loved that moment. roman starts his garbled monologue by worrying that the stitches will read as a weakness, and using that as a reason he doesn't want to see gerri. then he decides they look clean, and then he's waffling because part of him actually does want to be injured worse than he is. so the blood on his forehead is indicative of the complicated position he inhabits in logan's universe of gender roles. most superficially, being injured could be read as weakness, where the body is being used to telegraph power and strength (like logan not wanting to confront his own illness). but then there's also a part of roman that wants to posture like he was in some huge fight, and a suitably bad injury could bolster his case---kind of a tragic hero look, which logan wouldn't love but could tolerate because it would still be roman claiming a certain type of masculinity. but then, deeper down, there's also roman's desire to drum up pity for himself by being hurt, where the neatness of the stitches works against him. on this level, sustaining a physical injury stands in for roman's general failure to live up to the idea of stoic strength and masculinity that logan wanted for him. it's far more reminiscent of the beautiful dying girl, wasting away and coughing up blood. on that level, blood becomes a way of signifying femininity, where roman still sees it as weakness but identifies with that role and the desirability of this archetypal girl, rather than seeing blood in the context of some sort of battle wound.

so, the hug recalls the dog pound in that it's kendall injuring roman. but in this case, roman is genuinely relieved on a certain level to have the literal blood showing he's been 'put in his place', and simultaneously he both shies away from and identifies with this role. he's both comforted and pained by the stitch popping, and for him, sustaining this injury at his brother's hand helps him make sense of the whole situation: it has to be kendall who gets ceo, because kendall is the one who can hurt him, and roman is the one who bears the wound. this is also essentially what roman was trying to provoke when he shoved kendall in 'too much birthday', though in that case he couldn't get kendall to fight back and so he failed in that case to get what he wanted. in a certain way the blood does also recall kendall's nosebleed back in s2, which was directly caused by kendall's coke use---something logan saw as a constitutional weakness of kendall's. the difference is that kendall never identified with that role and was basically dead inside when he assumed it; roman on the other hand is comforted in a certain way by having tangible bodily evidence of the hierarchy between himself and kendall, and his own position at the bottom. it's how he makes sense of crowning kendall over himself.

[delimeful]

not always what they seem (5)

warnings: misunderstandings, remus-typical mentions of gore and cannibalism, swearing, arguing, lmk if i missed any!

-

Their captors were up to something.

Janus studied the far side of the room with narrowed eyes, ignoring the pulsing headache that had slowly been developing over the past few hours.

By all accounts, he should have woken one of the others up for a watch shift far before now. Instead, he’d seated himself behind them and watched the aliens unerringly.

A large part of his job required him to observe people. The way someone moved and gestured and reacted physically while conversing with others gave away more than most knew, and Janus was well-practiced in the art. He could read practically anyone like a book.

These creatures might have been from an entirely different library, so to speak, but he’d never let something like that stop him before.

Logan was the easiest, because he had the most to work with and his features were… not quite the most human, but certainly mammalian in nature.

Janus had met many a stray cat whilst lurking totally non-suspiciously in dark alleys, and he found himself appreciating the experience when he observed the way Logan’s ears flicked and flattened in response to certain conversations or actions.

Ever the instigator, Remus had provided his own contribution in the form of thoroughly disturbing the aliens. He’d likely made them think their specimens were damaged with his little shoulder stunt, and while Janus had been quick to point out the potential pitfalls of the behavior, he’d also taken careful note of the way Logan had reacted— their pupils had gone still and slitted, their ears nearly vanishing with how flat they’d gone, and their tail lashing behind them.

The whole mess had at least tapped a wellspring of useful information: Patton’s hands went still and their voice low, while Roman had begun to audibly buzz, rising up on their toes. Clear tells of concern and stress were worth his weight in gold in this sort of situation.

It was extremely tempting to let Remus do whatever he pleased just for the reactions, if it weren’t for the concerningly high odds that the behavior might get him slapped with a defective or diseased label. Janus didn’t have the same preoccupation with panic that Virgil did, but he was still very aware of the ways the situation could turn sour.

Janus wasn’t fond of feeling helpless, and in a situation like this, every glimpse of the aliens was accompanied by the looming knowledge that he was utterly outmatched on nearly every level. Resources, physical power, environment, presence— they held far too many of the cards.

Luckily, they didn’t know they’d picked up someone who was more than experienced at pulling cards from thin air.

He would scrape and gather every sliver of control he could get, and eventually it would be enough to get them out of here.

For now, however, it was vital that he bide his time and pay attention.

Thus, when piles of boxes began to accumulate across the lab and the aliens abandoned their prior workstations to begin setting something up behind a divider, he’d immediately started tracking their movements.

There was nothing overtly morose or angry in their movements, which was a relief in more ways than one. The way they were testing had shifted a few times, and the last thing Janus wanted was for them to decide humans were simply out of their expertise range and better off under a different lab’s scalpel.

Better the devil you know, after all.

Plus, Janus had already memorized a bunch of their tells, and would be incredibly annoyed to have to start fresh with a new gaggle of terrifying giant scientists.

Thankfully, there was no sign of that yet.

In fact, they seemed almost enthusiastic, chattering between themselves as they moved boxes from place to place, or opened one and pulled some strange apparatus out before moving out of sight again. Whatever they were making, it was exciting to them.

Of course, that could mean very bad news for the resident lab rats.

Janus was attempting not to let Virgil’s catastrophizing or Remus’s… imagination infect his plans, but he ended up watching for any sharp-edged implements anyhow.

It was only once they started cleaning up their mess, shuffling boxes and packing items away, that Janus finally reached over to wake up his companions.

“Rise and shine,” he said, opting for a wakeup call that was more obscure and hopefully, harder to translate.

None of the aliens seemed to be in easy hearing range, but better safe than sorry. He still wasn’t sure whether or not they were being recorded by default, after all.

Earlier, he’d tried using a variety of complex synonyms to teach Virgil what he’d learned of their language, only to receive an exhausted, dead-eyed stare.

“I write for a living, but even I can’t handle the ‘swallowed a thesaurus’ vibe you’re putting out right now,” he’d said, and Janus had reluctantly conceded.

Now, Virgil’s body reacted much quicker than his mind, which seemed to be a pattern with him. He jolted awake the second Janus tapped his shoulder, inhaling sharply before flailing away from them to land in a disoriented heap a couple feet away. He attempted to scramble even further back, head whipping from side to side like he expected to be jumped from every angle at any minute.

Janus held his hands up non aggressively, firmly planted in his spot, and watched as the fog of sleep slowly lifted from their youngest member’s eyes.

“A graceful riser, aren’t you?” he commented dryly.

“Shut up,” Virgil muttered, but the tension seeped out of his shoulders quickly enough that it was a little flattering. There was some trust there, after all. “What’s goin’ on? Did– Did nobody wake me for a shift?”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Janus lied smoothly, ignoring the little pinch of doubt in Virgil’s brow. “Our gracious hosts seem to have something planned.”

The distraction worked; Virgil immediately swiveled to glare across the room at where the giants were tidying up.

Still played out on the ground like a ragdoll, Remus cracked open an eye to stare up at Janus. He undeniably knew Janus was full of shit, but didn’t bother saying anything about it as he pushed himself from laying to standing in one move, yet another freakish display of flexibility.

“So,” he said, slinging one arm around Virgil’s shoulder and failing to sling the other around Janus, “what are we thinking? The alien version of a Hawaiian-style barbeque, or Saw-style torture chamber?”

Virgil elbowed him in the gut, but didn’t actually take the opportunity to wiggle out from under his arm. “Stop speaking forever.”

“Aw, but then how would I seduce the aliens? I know I’ve got a smokin’ hot bod, but sexiness is only skin-deep or whatever.” Remus perked up slightly. “Ooh, that’s an idea! What I actually need to show them is my gorgeous skeleton. That settles it, I’m voting Saw trap.”

With all the unfortunate timing of a bad sitcom, Patton approached, carrying one of those transparent cells they’d first awoken in. Virgil took a few steps back just seeing the thing, and Janus wondered what it was specifically about the item that upset him. Claustrophobia? Acrophobia? A simple hatred for the reminder of how very trapped they were?

Regardless, this was the sort of negotiation that he could handle.

“Hello,” Patton said, setting the cell down on the table near them. They said a few other things, too, none of which Janus caught, but the meaning was clear enough when they slid the lid to the cell off and held an expectant hand out.

“I don’t suppose you learned how to say ‘hell fucking no’ in alienspeak yet?” Virgil muttered, edging a little closer to Remus without even seeming to notice he was doing it.

“The next lesson, perhaps,” Janus shot back dryly, and then stepped forward but stopped short of actually climbing onto their hand.

“No cell,” he spoke carefully, pointing to the clear box and then shaking his head firmly.

He wanted to keep as much of their language secret as possible, yes, but there were some words that they definitely wanted the aliens to understand. First and foremost, the word ‘no’.

Patton hesitated, hands freezing in place in a way that Janus expected meant uncertainty, but Virgil clearly saw the stillness as a precursor to attack. Shaking himself free of Remus’s willowy form, he edged close to Janus with his eyes locked on Patton and a snarl that seemed mostly like a baring of teeth.

Janus was fairly sure that biting would have little to no effect on the alien’s craggy, tortoise-like skin, but it was the sentiment that counted, he supposed.

He didn’t react to his impromptu emo bodyguard, keeping his attention locked on Patton, and simply held his hands out, cupped and palm up.

After a moment, Patton reached a second hand over to mimic the posture, and Janus stepped close to it. “Virgil, if you’ll step forward and touch that first hand?”

“If I’ll what.” The glare was practically audible.

Janus sighed. “Work with me here? Unless you’d prefer the box. It would certainly mean less effort for me.”

A short beat of silence, and then Virgil reached forward and tentatively touched his fingertips to Patton’s hand. Janus nodded shortly and then beckoned at another one of Patton’s hands and held his hands out in demonstration again, hoping the intent would come through even with the difference in body language.

There was a pause as Patton looked over at where the other two giants were waiting, and then lowered a third hand into range.

“Remus,” Janus said, and glanced over his shoulder with barely hidden amusement. “Do I even need to ask?”

“You had me at hand stuff!” Remus responded brightly, skipping up to the upheld hand and hopping slightly to casually seat himself on it, like he was boosting himself up to sit on a counter or oversized stool.

Janus took a steadying breath as subtly as possible, and then climbed on himself. This was the first test of how much influence they had. It was better to know now rather than later, especially with an opportunity involving such low stakes.

“We’re really doing this, huh,” Virgil said, and scuffed his hands through his hair roughly with a groan before visibly steeling himself.

To Patton’s credit, he remained patiently still even as Virgil hauled himself into their hand at a snail's pace.

Once they were all settled, Patton lifted them up with all the due diligence they’d used with Janus previously, and glanced over at the cell.

“No,” they echoed the English thoughtfully, and then turned away from it, watching their reactions closely.

The way Virgil relaxed slightly, his expression evening out into something like relief, likely spoke for itself, but Janus nodded slowly in approval anyhow.

Hm. Perhaps their chances of getting out of this alive weren’t as dire as first assumed.

—

Patton turned around slowly, holding all three of their small, skittish guests with an astounded tint to his skin.

“Tell me the recorders were on,” he demanded, his free hands twitching visibly with the urge to fidget. “Tell me you guys saw that!”

His voice went a little too high-pitched, Logan’s ears flattening back slightly, but both he and Roman seemed just as delighted as him.

“We weren’t close enough to catch most of what they said, but the outcome speaks for itself, I think,” Logan said, watching Patton’s hands almost as intently as the Nilh was.

“I’m so jealous right now, you have no idea,” Roman announced. “How did you convince Purple to let you hold them?! They hissed at me!”

“I didn’t,” Patton replied, moving slowly and smoothly towards them. “Yellow did.”

The three of them looked at the tiny alien in question, who didn’t balk but grew the slightest bit tenser on Patton’s palm.

An experienced deceiver, Patton thought sadly, and couldn’t help but wonder just what their former specimens were actually feeling about the situation.

“There must be something that allowed Yellow to take a directive role in the group,” Logan mused, voice rumbling. “They have been leading the other two from the beginning, remember? They were picked up from entirely different locations, but from the beginning there has been a sense of cohesion between them all. It may be worth checking for hivemind organisms, parasitic or symbiotic.”

“I doubt it,” Roman replied. “I caught a hivemind bug in my youth, and the way they move just doesn’t have all the signs. They’re on the same branch, but they’re not interwoven pieces of bark, you know what I mean?”

“I suppose,” Logan said.

“Not really,” said Patton, who hadn’t grown up in a biome with populous tree life.

“Anyhow, if you two will scoot out of the way, I have a feeling that our test chambers will provide some solid evidence against the hivemind theory,” he added, still carefully monitoring his passengers for any sign of fear or unbalancing.

Once the path was clear, he moved forward and then paused at the entrance to the chambers.

They’d been designed with the specimen sect in mind: the entrance had grooves for the box to slide neatly into, at which point they could remotely open the door to the connecting hall and allow the specimens easy access to the space on their own time.

They weren’t dealing with specimens anymore, though, so this could be solved simply enough!

He set the three of them carefully on the stretch of table in front of the first chamber’s entrance, and manually slid the door open.

“Patton, is that… wise?” Roman asked tentatively.

“They seem to respond best to being given choices!” Patton replied. “... Maybe be ready to intervene if they head towards the edge of the table, though.”

—

“I am not doing another death maze. I’m drawing the line in the sand, man,” Virgil announced to the room at large, despite the fact that only half of the occupants could understand him. “The real line in the sand was like, one abduction ago, but I’m drawing a new, deeper line in the sand. Screw this.”

Remus rubbed his hands together in purposefully cartoonish glee. “Y’know, I could get used to this whole space lab rat thing if they keep throwing so much enrichment into my enclosure. I haven’t gotten to destroy the same thing twice in a row since they gave up on rebuilding the local billboard in my town.”

Virgil sighed. “…I don’t even wanna know, man.”

Janus, who had not had the privilege of entering the death maze so far and had no plans of changing that, turned on his heel and started walking the other way.

Only seven steps in, Patton’s hand drifted down to block him from heading any further in that direction.

“No,” the giant said, and gave a solid attempt at shaking their head. Another string of alien syllables, and a flat-handed gesture towards the open doorway.

The other two aliens hovered closeby. Janus considered for a long moment, mostly just to test a few more boundaries before acquiescing.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Virgil groaned, watching him turn around and walk back that way.

“I don’t want to set a precedent that it’s normal or tolerable to ignore a ‘no’.” Janus shrugged. “We can save that for when it’ll be more useful.”

“Useful like avoiding a literal electrified rat race, maybe?” Virgil snapped back, but when Janus showed no signs of stopping, he trudged after him. “Okay, sure, whatever. I’m not jumping in front of any spike traps for you. Your funeral.”

Virgil had already jumped in front of far scarier on Janus’ behalf, but he had enough sense not to say so aloud. Not yet, anyhow. It would make for invaluable teasing material later.

“Can’t spell funeral without fun!” Remus added in cheery anticipation, having waited by the doors expectantly.

He seemed to have understood the sort of boundary-testing Janus was going for quicker than most. It appeared he certainly was keener than his lackadaisical and outright deranged demeanor would imply.

Janus wasn’t typically the kind to take point, but he supposed he had led them into this mess. He was fairly sure at this point that there wasn’t anything intended to harm them inside anyhow. And if there was, well, he’d bluffed his way through worse odds before.

With the same false confidence that carried him everywhere, he led the way through the doors and down the narrow hall into the first room. To his surprise, the doors didn’t immediately slam shut behind them. The lights flickered on, revealing… a floor utterly swathed in fabrics?

“It looks like a laundromat threw up in here,” Virgil muttered, nudging at a pile of fabric warily.

Remus took a running start and cannonballed into one of the larger mounds, thrashing around in it for a moment before sitting up and scanning the room expectantly.

“No death traps here!” he announced to them after a solid ten seconds had passed. “Maybe it’s the alien version of a nice padded cell?”

“It would be a fairly poor cell,” Janus argued, motioning towards the clearly visible doorway on the other side of the room. “I imagine it’s a test of their own, though I can’t imagine what.”

Virgil paused. “Didn’t the big insect idiot take some of your clothes? Remus, don’t even start.”

Remus closed his mouth with a click, grinning.

“Yes, he seemed rather fascinated with it. Persistent, too,” Janus added, his tone distinctly non-complimentary.

The worn hoodie he’d been lent was surprisingly comfortable, but it didn’t change the fact that it didn’t exactly look professional. His appearance was something he preferred to manage himself, besides.

“I’d say maybe it’s a request for tiny clothes, but that’s stupid.” Virgil turned in a slow circle. “Plus there’s no actual sewing supplies.”

Janus glanced up, but the ceiling was opaque. However the aliens were monitoring them, it wasn’t through that.

“The far door is open. Let’s see if the next room can illuminate what precisely they want from us.”

—

“They didn’t pick any textiles!” Roman bemoaned as Patton tapped at his arm in a soothing pattern.

“I told you we shouldn’t have put it first,” Logan said with an ear flick.

“Give it more time,” Patton encouraged. “They’re probably going to go back and forth between rooms a fair few times. We’ll learn their preferences eventually!”

—

“I am never leaving this room. Ever.”

Virgil snorted, as though Janus was being facetious when he actually felt dangerously close to swearing an oath on the matter.

The next room was broken up into five smaller spaces, which turned out to be temperature-controlled.

Janus was currently in the warmest room, practically directly below the heating vent and he had no plans of exiting any time soon.

Remus, who had started sweating as soon as they got to the second warmest area, had already detoured to the coldest section and was currently exposing his pits— and by extension, his body odor— to the fans.

Janus wasn’t going in that section for love or money.

“Stop turning into a puddle,” Virgil demanded, kicking at one of Janus’s legs lightly. “You don’t even know how this thing is heated. We could be getting radiation poisoning right now.”

“Who needs warmth with a ray of sunshine like you in the group,” Janus asked, earning himself a glower. “You have no sympathy for the disabled. For shame.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Come on. I want to leave but I don’t want to get separated. That’s how they get you in every horror movie ever.”

Janus stretched out a little further, sighing as the heat sank into his bones. “Ahh, the horror.”

“Fine,” Virgil snapped, rising. “Don’t come crying when they start baking you like a pie.”

He stomped off with the energy of a twenty year old. Being an ancient five years older, Janus envied his spry nature.

He’d have to get up and keep moving after all. Just… in a moment or two…

—

They watched as two of the little aliens settled firmly on opposite ends of the climate choice area, with the third one storming off without settling in any particular one.

“…I rescind my hivemind theory.”

“Stars above,” Roman made a low buzzing groan. “This is going to make temperature control so unnecessarily difficult.”

“We’re certainly going to have to get creative,” Patton agreed, unable to conceal his amusement. “Two choices in and we’ve already got trouble on our hands, literally.”

He waved a few hands around to his teammates’ shared exasperation.

“A species with such variance in three samples alone… It’s going to be explosive when we share this footage.” Roman mused. “Nobody’s going to know what hit them.”

Looking down at their tiny guests, Patton couldn’t help but agree.

[kvaradonaa]

thoughts on the pairing of mourinho and abramovich?

Uhh, I was afraid to answer this question at first, but then I remembered I am followed by only hot and intelligent people who don't need to be shown a huge ass "THIS IS BAD" sign to understand that something is, in fact, bad. In that case, I might as well answer.

(But if I get another anon in my ask box telling me "this ship is russian propaganda", I am blocking. You are seriously insulting me by insinuating that I could ever commit what's a criminal offence according to my country's law by spreading such statements. You might find whatever I write distasteful, unnecessary or insensitive as you please, but don't come making ridiculous accusations on me.)

Either way, back to the RPF thing. I think they make up for a really interesting dynamics. See, Jose was probably easily the only person built to survive in Chelsea of that era. Remember when Scolari said that whoever agreed to coach Chelsea, would go through hell? But Jose seems built to survive all the intimidation tactics like arriving at the training centre in a fucking helicopter to scold the staff (really!). He clearly knew there was no other like him, he tolerated bullshit from no one and damn, does he breathe drama 😂. I could see some weird tension going on, not gonna lie. Mourinho was probably the only person who spoke like that to Abramovich ever since that fucking loans-for-shares deal that made him filthy rich and equally influential. But Jose was just, not built to care. He was the special one and he was here to do his job his fucking way. I can imagine a mixture of anger and fascination coming from someone like Abramovich there.

And obviously, as a resident Sheva fucker, I gotta insert him in this story. Maybe even more than him. I had thoughts before about the weird tangled web of dynamics between Chelsea's two strikers, the coach and the club owner. Media tried to antagonise Sheva and Drogba. Well, from Sheva's side, he was kind of an asshole and difficult to work with. Even if the issue on that line was overblown, Sheva did actually see Drogba getting mercilessly bullied by fans, went out and said basically "Well, I don't dive. Never did and never will. And I know that English fans don't like it!" Yeah, shut up 😂. Mourinho obviously wanted Drogba in the club very much, he loved him as a player and as a person. On the other hand, he never asked for Sheva in the team. I can imagine Sheva, the star striker, the Ballon d'Or winner, the attention whore, taking it really badly. Weird jealous antics. Well, he did cry to other people about Mourinho "mistreating him", even if he was himself claiming that everything was fine. A list of people who accidentally outed him with this include Kakha Kaladze and tennis player Andriy Medvedev.

How does it all matter to the dynamics between Mourinho and Abramovich? Well, it later on became really clear that not only Sheva's transfer was entirely Abramovich's idea, but they were also friends, privately. When still playing for Chelsea, Sheva pretended that there was no personal relationship between them, but afterwards, it pretty much became widely known. Sheva was often blamed for Mourinho getting the sacked, but apparently, a couple of days before, it was John Terry who went to talk with the boss. So, who knows... But, Abramovich did want to hire Avram Grant as Sheva's personal coach initially, and Mourinho refused to accept it. Later, Grant went on to coach the team. Damn, that's some level of drama only Chelsea could provide 😭.

Another Sheva related antics, regarding Jose and Roman Abramovich? One time, Abramovich went into the locker room after Mourinho had left, and started giving his own instructions, contradictory to Mourinho's. He spoke in Russian, as he always did in those situations. I honestly think it was a part of intimidation tactics too. Once I knew someone who spoke one language with her ex boyfriend (his native, hers third), but when she broke up, she did so in English so that "he didn't have an upper hand". Speaking your native language does give you more power in expressing self. Not to mention that listening to him yell in a foreign language, then waiting for the translation, added some extra stress for everyone involved (John Obi Mikel once described the experience as such basically). But, oh no, this time he didn't hire an actual interpreter. He had Sheva translate his instructions, making the gap between Sheva and his teammates even bigger, putting him in the opposite position of theirs. Sheva, who surely did not speak English much better (perhaps even worse) than him. I can imagine Mourinho completely losing it as such disregard for his job and such disruption of the team dynamics.

But, well, in the end, Mourinho did get hired again. And won them trophies again. Perhaps he really was the right fit for Chelsea.

[zhuzhudushu]

Hello! Your blog came up while I was searching up information about Chinese names and I was wondering if you could help me check the name I've come up with for an oc I have!

Despite being of Chinese ancestry I know little to no Chinese (forgive me ancestors, I'm still learning) so thank you for all the resources your blog provides!

The setting itself is more fantasy mythological-like with this oc being a 狐狸精 so I figured the name didn't have to be completely accurate/ def not something a random Chinese person would regularly have, (kind of like a "this is obviously a chinese name but in a fantasy game" situation) I ended up coming up with 灵火 due to the ocs relation to undead spirits and fire and also because it sounds like 灵活. I was wondering if the name sounds weird or wether I should change one of the characters. I also need to come up with a surname so I'm wondering if there are any specifics to what characters can or cannot be surnames?

Thank you again!! I'm sorry if this ask is way too long!

YES please come to me with Chinese names I love to break down this stuff.

I do want to put a disclaimer here that I am not a native speaker and this is all based on my intermediate level of Chinese knowledge.

Putting it under the cut to save dash space. You know I can talk about names forever ;)

Given Name

So based on a quick search of the characters in a few naming tools (including this one) it looks like 灵 as a character is not used in Normal names. However, like you said since this is a fantasy story it doesn't necessarily need to a Real Name and just needs to be symbolic/sound like Chinese. But this site does list a few names that include this character in 2-character given name combos, so it's not unheard of (though I will say some of the examples there are... probably not real names lol).

You can also see on that website other names that are phonetically similar/identical so if you want to check out different "ling" or "huo" characters, that website is a good place to look.

Another thing to consider if you want to keep the fire imagery is to find characters that use 火 as a radical rather than the character itself. 秋 meaning autumn for example has the 火 component and could be used in a name.

Surnames

As for surnames I usually direct people to this list on wiki of the most common 100 surnames, but if you want a less common one that's more difficult.

Basically, yes, there are rules about which characters are and are not surnames. I... couldn't tell you what they are, exactly, but typically if a character is a surname, you'll be able to find out on dictionary apps like Pleco! Even if it's a regular word, if it's also a surname, that will be listed as one of its definitions. See below:

There are also some characters that might have had uses back in the day, but now are surnames only. These tend to be rarer, in my experience (e.g. 冯, which I've never seen at all).

That said, I would say probably most if not all of Chinese syllables are a surname, somewhere. So, if you're going to be writing these names in pinyin/romanization, that might not matter so much! But in terms of characters, yes only certain characters are surnames.

Just as a side note, if you want to keep the "huo" pronunciation and are open to the idea, there is a surname 霍 Huò which was the name of a military general in one of the old Chinese stories I read LOL which is a surname I've never seen before so it's probably rare. A simple name with just a surname + single given name combo 霍灵 might be something to consider.

If it fits the vibe you're going for, there are a lot of animal/nature-based surnames. 金 (gold), 熊 (bear), 江 (river), 龙 (dragon), 冯 (galloping horse), 柴 (wood) are just a few examples. Another one of my favorite surnames is 孙 Sun because English speakers pronounce it (wrong) like the sun in the sky LOL (also it means son/grandson which is also pronounced sun so it's like a pun). It's also the author of The Art of War's last name lol.

So yeah, hopefully this gives you some food for thought. You're welcome to write back with more ideas :3

If anyone who sees this wants to comment, please do!! I'm by no means a Chinese expert and I'm always eager to learn more about names.

~Zhuzhu

[galaxyofhair]

Late Medieval Fantasy Is Kinda Boring...

...After a while, please don’t come after me lol I didn’t want to choose violence today I just wanted to rant about something on my soapbox for a minute.

So before I get into the meat of this argument let’s get one of the common responses out of the way: But it’s all fantasy, just let people do whatever pleases them and don’t critic them so hard!

Ok yes, it’s fantasy and at the end of the day it’s not real and doesn’t actually matter etc etc. However, I generally treat realism and fantasy not as divorcees but rather as more of a sibling rivalry situation: They’re different, but share a deep relationship and are secretly completely dependent on one another---IDFK

I had a longer argument for this but it essentially boils down to: Realism pleases me. Yes it’s completely possible to make fun fantasy that is 100% devoid of pesky realism and very casual and free, but if all fantasy was like that it’d be boring.

The thing I actually came here to say is this: The more I learn about history the more I’ve realized that almost all high fantasy (with a few notable exceptions) occurs in a universe that is roughly analogous to the Late Medieval Period: Plate armor, bastard and long swords, A wide range of weapons and armor types, early firearms or canons, rapiers, etc etc---Basically every D&D game, Game of Thrones, Witcher, and even the LOTR all range from the Late Medieval to the very early Renaissance. For me, plate armor is the big one---the moment you introduce full plate armor that’s clearly evocative of the “knights in shining armor” aesthetic it immediately jumps the technological development level of that fictional society up to the 1300s in my mind. To a lesser extent, claymores as well---Longswords and claymores were big popular in the Late Medieval, and Zweihanders got popular in the Early Ren---honestly I’m pretty sure it just had more to do with the quality of metals that could be produced than anything.

And again, there’s nothing particularly wrong with this approach: The LM/ER area of history is a veritable gold mine of fun, goofy, downright alien, and interesting af cultures/traditions/warfare/religion/politics---BUT, it gets boring after a while when this is the ONLY era fantasy takes place in, and it does get much better when the only option for something older than the LM is literally Classical Greece.

There’s SO MUCH COOL HISTORY---I want more fantasy that takes after some of these under-loved periods of history: I want more fantasy set in the Bronze Age, more fantasy set in the late antiquity and early medieval age---and OMG do I want more early medieval and high medieval fantasy. Assassin’s Creed Valhalla woke something up in me Dean Pelton style and I NEED more.

Give me more of the Islamic Golden Age, more of Byzantines, more Japan and China in the 12th and 13th centuries.

Personally I would love to see more from around the fall of Rome and the very beginnings of the Early Medieval period---the Dark Ages are truly a fascinating period.

At first one of the big disadvantages of writing in a non-standard fantasy setting is that there are limitations: You can’t just slap on plate armor anymore and call it a day, you gotta research and find out more about different kinds of mail, or how the Romans wore segmented plates, or how some cultures cut out metal entirely. You can’t always give your characters that bigass sword because older periods hadn’t invented that huge melting pot of weapons and armor later peoples had.

But at the same time, those limitations can be liberating and they can really help create a truly unique setting that stands out.

Of course, the other thing I would encourage when creating a fantasy setting is to mess around with weird shit that has no good analogy to history: Are the trees made of iron? Is everyone still using obsidian shards, or maybe they have weird crystals they can grow into the right shapes?

I definitely also occasionally get caught into the mood of doing the Standard Fantasy Setting, so like---I’m not here to shame. I say all of this because the right technology level paired with the right setting can be an incredible foundation for a unique world and more folks should be doing that.

[skopostheorie]

Dude yes please deliver The Gaylois Ramble™ I would love to hear your thoughts on the way it shapes and affects the Astérix narrative (if you're still up for it, that is. No pressure if not)

I'll always be up for some Gaylois truthing! (For all still unaware, Gaylois = Astérix x Obélix, generally romantically).

I don't really think Gaylois is canon or even the intention (I think if you had tried to explain that interpretation to Goscinny he'd have looked at you like you were nuts). However, I do believe viewing Astérix and Obélix as life partners, who will always spend their lives and adventures together, serves to enforce some of the implied themes, or morals, of the Astérix books. As a dude who likes dudes, I always read that sort of relationship as at least semi-romantic, some don't. But for the sake of brevity, I will refer to all nuances in such a relationship - platonic, romantic, somewhere in between - as "Gaylois", as it's still a little gay, innit.

With that out of the way, here is what I reckon.

What makes Astérix's village special, capable of forever holding out against the Romans? The magic potion, you'd say. And that's largely correct; if it weren't for the potion they would have been conquered like everyone else and they'd have very little they could do about it.

But that can't be all it is. There are quite a few entries in the series involving problems which cannot be solved with magic potion - indeed, if that was all there was to the conflicts in Astérix, there would never be a volume longer than a few pages. Much of the tension mounts and falls - to the extent that their ongoing resistant hinges on the fact - from the amount of solidarity the Gauls have with one another.

Consider, say, Caesar's Gift. Indeed, the Gauls become so caught up in their election that they become open to attack, of which the Romans take advantage and very nearly conquer the village. Or Obélix and Co., where the Romans introduce unprecedented levels of greed and individualism that economics brings, so that the Gauls become divided and pre-occupied with beating one another; ultimately so that they are unable to fight invasion. Or even, for an easy example, The Roman Agent? The book states it quite plainly: "everyone is suspicious of everyone [...] and that evening, at the banquet, nobody talks to anybody else [...] it would appear [therefore] this is the end... the end of the village!".

However, the village ultimately overcomes these issues. While the magic potion is imperative to their resistance - and in this sense, their very identity - it is not all that makes them such a force to be reckoned with. Put simply, for all their fighting and differences, they are one unified force against the invaders. They like to fight amongst themselves, but they love each other, and this is what makes them Gauls (see Great Crossing).

Astérix and Obélix are in many ways the embodiment of this concept; as you would likely hope, seeing as they are the protagonists. Indeed, any time they've "fought" so to speak, it never actually becomes literally resolved so much as they recognise they're both stubborn for no particular benefit and simply look at each other, laugh a bit, and hug to make up. In any particularly dangerous situation, their main priority is the other, to the extent that them being split up is always a precedent to danger (the Banquet, Great Crossing) even if voluntary (the Normans) except for one time (the Gaul). In that sense, their being opposites is even more the catalyst for their relationship strengthening, than triggering arguments; Obélix needs Astérix for his cunning and Astérix needs Obélix for his strength.

The general pattern, as I hope is somewhat clear amidst these rambles, is a devotion of life partnership and one's being imperative to one another, amidst differences that are frivolous when weighted with the importance of their relationship. This draws distinct parallels, again, to the themes regarding the village as a whole. Like a big family, they stick together despite their frivolous bickering, because they love and respect each other, and they are stronger for it.

Not that these ideas are only represented if Astérix and Obélix are romantically interested in each other, but certainly, I feel, best represented if they are together for life, which for many people (including myself) means more or less the same thing, and is why I interpret it as such (beyond, say, the actual flirting). Astérix and Obélix can't go their separate ways because their very identities demand one another; short of, I suppose, them retiring as warriors. Even if they weren't intended to be read as romantic partners, it would seem Albert-René are aware of how they have to be each other's most important person, as it is explicitly stated within several volumes that Astérix and Obélix feel "too young" or "not ready" to marry a woman (Great Crossing, the Actress) despite how the rest of the village seems to think it's about time they do so if not overdue (Roman Agent, Golden Book) - i.e. they cannot have an actual partner for now, as the stage of their lives where they choose to spend their time with one another is inconducive with marriage.

I suppose what I am trying to get at with this is that ideals you typically might hope for within a relationship - knowledge you love each other even when you have petty disagreements, standing up for each other despite against whom it may be, complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses - are observable within Astérix and Obélix's relationship, because they are also the ideals that form the tight-knit, yet ever hilarious, community of Gauls in Brittany.

[snufkinnieee]

every reference to greek and roman history in succession (part 2)

This is part two of my series where I document and analyze every reference to Greek and Roman history in Succession. If you haven’t read the first part, please click here! Parts of this analysis build off of the last one. I’ve decided to combine both season 1 and 2 because season 2  was a lot lighter on the references than I thought it would be. All that being said, please enjoy and let me know your thoughts.

Season 1

In my first post, I talk about how the Roy siblings evoke the triumvirate. In the very first episode, Kendall literally frames the deal he is proposing to his siblings as the “power of three” Of course, this fails, just like both of the real triumvirates. 

In “I Went to Market” there’s a scene where Logan is showing Willa all of the military medals he has collected. This precipitates the fight between Logan and Ewan over the fact that Logan did not personally fight in the war. He shows her a WW1 medal as well as a Roman medal. I think this scene more establishes Logan’s fondness for the military/militaristic mindset and his unwillingness to get his own hands dirty than it is about Rome specifically, but this list is EVERY reference so here it is. 

There are two references in episode 6 “Which Side Are You On?”. Specifically during the vote of no confidence scene. Logan calls Kendall Judas, in reference to the disciple that betrayed Jesus. This is fairly on the nose, but it could be seen as foreshadowing to the season 2 finale if you squint.

The second reference is when Roman is about to vote against Logan in the vote of no confidence. He says “You better be smelling your fucking armpit Romulus.” On a character level, this is clearly a father scolding his son by using his full name. However, as previously established in my first post, Romulus killed his brother Remus to rule Rome. Logan calls him this as he betrays his brother. 

Episode 7 “Austerlitz” has more Jesus-Kendall imagery. It’s actually the first instance where we see Kendall in the crucifixion pose, laid out against the rocks in New Mexico. This pose reoccurs throughout the series, so I think it’s important to note that this imagery only emerges after Kendall fails to defeat his dad at the vote of no confidence. I think it is here that he starts to enter the mindset of both the victim of the situation and as the only person who can “save” the whole company and by extension, his family. 

The time period is off by like 1000 years but when Kendall calls Greg a “Machivellian fuck” in the season 1 finale, Machivelli was Italian aka Roman but he lived during the Renaissance. Here is a really interesting video differentiating Machiavellianism from psychopathy and narcissism. In a show chock full of narcissistic abusers, I think it could interest some of y’all

Also in the season 1 finale, when Logan embraces Kendall after confronting him about the death of the waiter, he kisses him on the cheek. There are so many Judas references with Logan and Kendall that it wouldn’t surprise me if this was deliberately included. Logan kisses Kendall’s cheek, sealing his fate under his father’s thumb. This is paralleled to the season 2 finale where Kendall kisses Logan’s cheek, and then publicly betrays his own father. 

Season 2

There are a lot fewer references in season 2. The first pops up in “Safe Room”, when Frank references “Coriolanus” saying that he switched sides. He was a Roman general in the 5th century CE. Interestingly, this character inspired President Snow from the Hunger Games. Other than that, I don’t think it holds much significance. 

We hit a few more in “Safe Room”, both in conversation with Rhea. Her name is our first Greek reference. Rhea was one of the Titans, and the sister/wife (gross) of Kronos. She is the mother of all of the Olympians. Naming is extremely intentional in this show, and I think this is a way of positioning her as someone who Logan wants to see as equal. He is frequently referred to as a “titan” in the industry. 

She also references being “smuggled in like Cleopatra”. This references the way that Cleopatra and Caesar met. When Caesar came to Egypt during a feud between Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy. She knew that she couldn’t just go and see him because there is no way Ptolemy would want his extremely cunning and beautiful sister to ally with the most powerful man in the world. So she had herself wrapped in a carpet, and was smuggled into Caesar's room. They became lovers soon after. Yet another instance of Rhea being aligned with a lover of a powerful man.

She then quips that Kendall is “Oedipus Roy”. This is taken from Sophocles’ play “Oedipus Rex”, one of the most famous tragedies ever written. Most people associate this with Freud’s Oedipus complex, but I hate Freud and Oedipus actually claws his eyes out after he realises he slept with his mother. Analysis wise, this is yet another instance of Kendall being aligned with a very tragic figure. It kind of echoes Tom’s point that Kendall gets fucked all the time. 

In “Ternhaven”, Logan addresses the Pierce family by saying “Like Romans amongst you Greeks, I’m sure you find us big, boisterous, and vulgar.” I think this is fascinating because yes, the perception was that the Greeks were much more refined than the Romans. I thought that this was a way for Logan to “defer” in a way that still gives him the upper hand. Greek civilization is remembered for its impacts on culture and democracy. The Pierce’s have an affinity for culture and their whole thing about the Berlin wall, so this comment does play into their values. But Roman civilization is remembered for their military prowess. Logan still has all the leverage.

This comment also works as a new money versus old money thing. It’s important to remember that the Roys are new money, and they don’t have the credibility/history that a family like the Pierces do. They see themselves as above the Roys because of this. It’s Logan playing into this stereotype to try and sweeten up the Pierces. 

I touched on a lot of the obvious Kendall-Jesus metaphors in the season 2 finale in my earlier post, so if you haven’t check it out here!  Thank you so much if you stuck with me this long! I’m rewatching the third season now and I’m really excited to write about Nero and Sporus (lol). There’s so much to analyse in this show, which is perfect for overthinkers like me. Stay tuned!

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: ‘Together Again’ (Distant Lands, Ep. 3)

Airdate: May 20, 2021

Story by: Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang, Hanna K. Nyström, Christina Catucci, Jesse Moynihan, Adam Muto

Storyboarded by: Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, Iggy Craig, Maya Petersen, Serena Wu

Directed by: Miki Brewster (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

Across Adventure Time’s ten season run, the show explored a bevy of “mature” themes and story ideas—topics, like love, sexuality, depression, and grieving. The show also touched upon death, but the emphasis was usually placed on the emotional toll of a loved one dying, not really what happens when you die. We knew there were Dead Worlds and Death. We knew that there was reincarnation. But how does it all fit together? What does it mean? How does it work?

With “Together Again,” we finally have many of the answers.

This special opens with a marvelous fake-out episode simply called “Finn & Jake,” that sees the two steal a magical cartoon of 50-flavor ice cream before rescuing Turtle Princess and LSP from the clutches of the villainous Ice King. This is all deliberately anachronistic and over the top. Ice King is back to his season one ways, Finn has both arms, and he is still wielding his golden sword that he lost in season two’s “The Real You.” There’s lolrandom dialogue and silly monsters; it’s like a parody of seasons 1-2. But then, this adventure starts to get all wonky, and in time Finn realizes that he is in a some sort of trance or illusion: one that ends with Jake being buried in the ground. Suddenly, Finn awakens from his reverie. He’s an old man. And he’s dead. We’re then presented with a new title card that lets us know the episode is actually called “Finn & Jake Are Dead.”

Holy Glob! They actually went there.

Turns out Jake died years before Finn, so naturally Finn is super excited to see his best bud. But something’s wrong—he cannot find Jake!! They planned to spend eternity together. But all that Finn can find is his very own psychopomp, Mr. Fox (voiced by Tom Herpich, whose purposefully stilted line readings are the epitome of delightful). Finn rightfully assumes that Jake is in a different Dead World, and so, being the ball of spunk and energy that he is, he demands to meet with Death, only to discover that there’s a New Death in town (voiced by Chris Fleming). The episode eventually explains that New Death was the son of Death and Life, and after New Death killed his father, he became the sovereign of the afterlife. New Death hates his job and decides to just blow up all the Dead Worlds so he doesn’t have to deal with it all. (I won’t get too much into the details here, because there would be a lot of story to parse out.)

Finn soon learns that Jake has reached nirvana in the 50th Dead World, where there is nothing but peace and serenity. Finn nevertheless tracks down Jake, pulls him from paradise, but in doing so, accidentally lets New Death in, who promptly obliterates Elysium, sending all the enlightened souls—including those from different levels of the afterlife—to the 1st Dead World. This gronks up the afterlife, temporarily halting the reincarnation process.

Well, Finn and Jake are rightfully ticked, and so they haunt the material plane looking for Princess Bubblegum. She’s not home (more on that later), but Peppermint Butler is! After Ghost Finn and Ghost Jake explain the situation, Peppermint Butler tells them what to do: They need to find Life and explain the situation. The duo manage just that, and Life is rightfully angry that her kid has stopped the transmigration of souls. After Life gives Finn a McGuffin sword that can hurt Death, Finn and Jake return to his abode. A brawl ensues wherein we learn that New Death has been possessed… by none other than that spirit of the Lich.

That’s right, it’s the Lich! He’s back, and boy is he evil.

The Lich explains that by possessing Death, he can destroy the afterlife, thereby destroying a key aspect of reality. Naturally, Finn and Jake are not cool with this, and they engage in combat. After Mr. Fox grabs the McGuffin sword and uses it to annihilate the Lich and New Death, he is proclaimed the New New Death and sets everything right. Finn is slated to be reincarnated, and Jake is slated to return to the 50th Dead World where he and Finn will one day be reunited. As Finn is pulled into the wheel of souls, Jake suddenly decides to go back with Finn, too, “Just for fun.” The episode ends with a card letting us know that the episode is neither called “Finn & Jake” nor “Finn & Jake Are Dead.” Instead, it is “Finn and Jake Are Together Again.”

As they say, “And there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.”

If you were to tell me several years ago that the last episode to star Finn and Jake would revolve around them dying, I think I would’ve been upset. Not simply sad, but rather frustrated because “they all died” can feel like a cheap ending. But with “Together Again,” it all works. And a large reason that it works is because the show goes all in with their ideas. Finn and Jake don’t magically leap back into their old life (no, no, they very much do bite the dust). Instead, the special emphasizes the cyclical nature of life through the transmigration of souls. The episode ends with a beautiful scene of Finn and Jake, bound together as soul-brothers, being reborn into a new, mysterious (possibly Ooo 1000+?) world. It’s both aesthetically and emotionally pleasing; it doesn’t feel off the way over finales might. This is right. This is the way life works. “Round and round as nature goes,” and all that jazz.

I loved the series explanation of how death works. It seems that souls land in a specific Dead World, where they ‘marinate’ for a bit, presumably being rewarded or punished based on their life in our meat reality. After a time, they are then reborn. This process repeats, with each soul reaching higher and higher levels of enlightenment until they hit nirvana, which is the 50th Dead World. So in a sense, Adventure Time has a roughly Buddhist cosmology with a dash of Greco-Roman mythos thrown in for flavor. (As to what happens after a soul stays in the 50th Dead World for a long period is anyone’s guess, but I’d speculate that when all the souls in the multiverse have been purified and land in the 50th Dead World, they will all collapse into one another and form one perfect Monad. Perhaps this is the sphere of perfection that the beings who merged into Matthew thought they were connecting to? Who knows! It’s anyone’s guess!) I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see who Death, Prismo, Life, etc.’s boss was, but perhaps that’s a mystery better left up to the imagination!

One minor thing that I loved about this special was the number of characters who made cameos as well as all the callbacks that were made to previous episodes. Regarding the former: Finn and Jake’s canine family show up (including the oft-forgotten Jermaine!), as do Tree Trunks and her myriad husbands. Tiffany plays a major role in all these shenanigans as a “death cop” of all things. There is a delightful rogues gallery stuck in the 1st Dead World (including, among others, Maja, Sharon from “The Gut Grinder,” and Wyatt). In the 50th we find Ghost Princess and Clarence happily at peace next to Booshy, the weird spirit mentioned in the Pen Ward classic “High Strangeness.” As far as callbacks go, perhaps my favorite is the clap (from “James Baxter the Horse”) that Jake taught to Finn in case they ever do get separated in the afterlife. And of course, there are myriad references made to “Death in Bloom,” the episode that planted the seed for what this would grow into.

Going into the special suspecting that it would involve Death, I was curious how they were going to handle Miguel Ferrer’s character. (In case a reader is not aware, Ferrer played Death in episodes like “Death in Bloom” and “Betty,” but he sadly passed away a few years ago). The producers’ choice to feature him in a non-speaking cameo—despite playing a relatively significant role in the story—was wise; I’m not sure if I can articulate the exact reasons, but something about his role felt appropriate and not gross, as some post-mortem memorials can be. Speaking of which, the wonderful, lovely Polly Lou Livingston was featured for the last time in this episode as Tree Trunks, happily in heaven with her literal harem of husbands. It was funny, it really was, and I’m sure that Polly Lou would’ve gotten a kick out of seeing it on screen. (Also, this is a pro-Tree Trunks safe space. Any Tree Trunks haters will be chucked into the 1st Dead World with Wyatt.)

The biggest mystery in this whole thing, for me at least, is the question of Princess Bubblegum and Marceline. Several years ago, I wrote an essay about what could’ve happened to them in the Ooo 1000+ universe. I speculated that they peaced out and left Ooo behind. In this special, neither Bubblegum nor Marceline are to be found in the Candy Kingdom—Peppermint Butler seems to be the one in charge, given that he is now wearing Bubblegum’s crown. Likewise, the duo aren’t anywhere in the Dead Worlds either. Maybe the two of them skipped town and got a duplex in the Nightosphere? Who knows… I just want my favorite gals to be OK!

All things considered, “Together Again” was a marvel: An episode that managed to feel like a series finale even more than “Come Along with Me” already did without taking away from the series itself. An episode that managed to make the idea of dying funny. An episode that brought back the Lich in a way that wasn’t forced. An episode that made Mr. Fox the New New Death. An episode that gave us a beautiful ending to Finn and Jake’s story… as well as the beautiful beginning to a new one. I said it on Twitter, and I’ll say it again here: “Together Again” was the end of a sentence in a book with infinite pages. Truly, the fun will never end.

Mushroom War evidence: Everything takes place in the Dead Worlds, so not really. Perhaps a more eagle-eyed viewer can inform us...

Final Grade: That’s right, I’m gonna do it...

Post-script, I actually messaged Jesse Moynihan to ask about his writing credit. He told me that it was for an unused story idea that he had developed. I’m not certain, but I’ll bet it was a part of the cancelled TV movie they were trying to make during season 5, since that would’ve seen Finn and Orgalorg journey to the various Dead Worlds.

[jjuzoir]

Homare Arisugawa General HCS

request: “Hi Sora! I never see any art/writing for my boy Homare from A3! (Maybe because his dialogue is so ridiculous.) Would you mind writing something for him?” from tlali

a/n: ahhh i don’t think i’ve ever taken so long in a request jdjdndnd but i just wanted to make it right because i love homare so much❕ he deserves everything and more i just HDHSJJA we need more homare love 🤬 his dialogue is hilarious and i feel like we need to appreciate his style more no more homare slander 🙅

word count: 1667

- He smells like earl gray tea. No one knows why since he uses unscented soaps, he says it’s probably because he spends most of his time drinking or around tea.

- He’s very particular about his hair, he uses very specific shampoos and conditioners that he will absolutely not share or change unless he notices his hair needs it. Talking about his hair, it’s naturally kind of dry so he uses a lot of hydrating products which leaves him with the softest, most fluffy hair ever. It’s like touching a cloud.

- One of his favorite gifts given to him is a tie given to him as a birthday gift by his members. Everyone pitched it, including Izumi, and Azuma picked it out. It’s black, much like his everyday tie, but it’s got a small embroidered snowflake.

- He’s got three main pairs of glasses; his everyday ones he keeps at hand when he goes out, his at home ones which are (according to him) less flattering, and his driving ones. Keep in mind he can’t drive, he doesn’t even own a car.

- He can speak french and latin, and he’s super loud about it too. He’ll sometimes slip in french phrases and no one will understand other than Chikage and it’s just a mess - Muku is always so amazed that he knows two other languages too and probably asks him to teach him sometime.

- Definitely has the prettiest handwriting when it comes to the roman alphabet, he writes in ink and with fancy pens that cost more than Banri’s tuition.

- Absolutely has a bunch of business cards printed out, each with its own quote made by him. Sakyo thought it was such a waste printing them until he realized that no matter how many Homare took when he went to run errands he always gave them all, to whom? No one knows.

- He’s very well respected in the literary community, which still shocks pretty much everyone. He gets stopped often by fans or people who’ve read his work, it happens at least once a day and Izumi really doesn’t… she doesn’t understand, poor girl.

- He’s not that good with phone calls, he’s not bad but he definitely prefers texting or just talking face to face. To him there’s just a certain level of discontent he doesn’t like that doesn’t exist in other mediums.

- His favorite shows are either comedies or heavy hitting detective shows, there is no inbetween. You’ll walk in on him watching a sitcom leave the room and walk in on a serial killer chase down.

- About his love for detective shows, his favorite pastime is trying to solve the mysteries with the main character. He’ll rewatch the episode so many times to try and pick up clues, he’ll take notes and come to a conclusion and he loves the feeling of getting it right.

- In the same spirit as the statement above, absolutely got Tsumugi and Sakyo hooked on some of his favorites and they hang out to talk about the latest episodes and the overarching mystery. The conversations can tend to get kind of heavy very quick, more than once Muku thought they were investigating a real crime and almost fainted.

- He looks like he’s probably allergic to wool sweaters, they make his skin itch and he always needs to use a shirt underneath them - so he tends to buy those expensive anti-allergic ones that need to be washed in a very specific way that could probably pay Tsuzuru’s whole college debt and it takes a lot of restraint from the playwright not to steal one and sell in the black market.

- Talking about Tsuzuru, he often gives him writing advice. Said advice tends to be very useful, like keeping a pen and notebook on him in case anything comes to mind during the day or writing daily to help ease him into a style, etc. Homare genuinely wants him to bloom into a writer and is willing to beta-read anything Minagi needs, be it a script or a sleep deprived rambling about the gay subtext in Nocturnity.

- Arisugawa sets himself reading goals each month, he likes to read at least one book. He prefers poetry books or classic english literature, but he also likes to read romance books or really bizarre dystopian novels.

- Has read more books than most people in the company and can give very detailed recommendations if you give him like a day.

- Sings operas in the shower, unless stopped he will keep going until the second act. Surprisingly good falsetto, but one time Tenma thought it was a Banshee for a second and almost cried into Juza’s chest.

- He’s not only an overly emotional drunk but also a loud drunk, he’s already quite loud but when he’s downed half a bottle of wine and a shot of vodka he’s louder than the Summer Troupe combined. Because of this, Izumi tends to restrict his alcohol intake when they’re at the dorm.

- I can see him being very big into musicals, not all musicals but a very specific niche; classic horror novels turned into musicals. He’s a very big fan of both the German and Korean versions of Dracula, his favorite song is probably “Zu Ende” or the Korean version of “It’s Over”. He also likes the Frankenstein musical too, but overall he finds Junsu’s Dracula more interesting thus his preference.

- He will talk your ear off if you mention any musical though, be it a classic like Phantom or something newer like Heathers.

- A very big fan of Ghibli movies, he told me so himself today. He really likes Spirited Away though, it’s a movie he’s watched so many times but he’s still completely enamoured by it; he probably has made the Winter Troupe watch it at least once and Hisoka definitely knows the beginning of the movie by heart now.

- Homare is also really good at drawing, not like Kazunari but he’s probably the second best. He learned by analyzing and looking at artists he admired and picking up on their techniques. A true Renaissance Man™️.

- I feel like he’d also have a bunch of skills that are kind of, useless? He can probably carve wood and make candles, he also took a course in glass blowing probably. Arisugawa just wants to try everything at least once, his motto is probably to explore and learn as much as possible, not just about art but the world (he can be surprisingly smart if you have a dictionary at hand).

- Very observant, just in general. Which can be both good and bad, it’s good because it helps him understand the situation in ways others might not but it leads to him to sometimes overthinking things and behaving in manners which may annoy or hurt others.

- He also has a hard time trying to react to social cues, as seen in game, with certain people. While he’s worked it out with the Winter troupe and the Mankai company he still struggles when it comes to new people.

- Will make little tunes he sings in the shower that kind of become a little daily song, each day there’s a new one he’ll hum.

- He also canonly makes music and he makes contemporary electro-pop, you cannot change my mind. He probably also mixes opera and classical music into his tunes, which can go from 1 minute to 10, so you end up with a very cool mix of orchestra and techno-pop - it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but he’s probably got his own niche group.

- Now, into more romantic HCs...

- He’s a good flirt, a very good flirt. They may sound weird looking back at it, but his pickup lines work and they work well.

- He knows when to stop pursuing someone too. He senses even a bit of discomfort and he’s backing away, won’t ask anything. Very big on consent and unless stated absolutely explicitly he’ll keep his distance.

- A true gentleman, please - he’ll never let his dates pay, always open the doors for them, will even do the “walk on the inside of the sidewalk” when he’s walking you home.

- His favorite dates tend to be ones where you get to know more about each other, not always necessarily by talking though. Being able to go into a bookstore and look at the books, seeing the ones you pick, what you pick at a cafe or restaurant, it all helps him draw a better picture of who you are and he likes to think it helps you get to know him better too.

- He’s very in tune with his S/O’s feelings but is afraid of overstepping any boundaries which may lead to some miscommunication at the beginning of the relationship. But it’s workable and it wouldn’t be that big an issue in the long run as long as his partner is willing to help him understand them.

- Not big on PDA, thinks certain things should remain inside - not to say he wouldn’t talk for hours about his partner to anyone who listens but things like kissing or hugs tend to be behind closed doors. He’s okay with hand holding and maybe a kiss on the cheek though!

- Likes wearing matching outfits with his S/O, thinks it shows how they’re “one in spirit, heart, and mind” and will not stop pointing it out to the point even married couples feel single as they hear him ramble on about the subtle coordination in your color schemes to create a perfect contrast.

- Notices the smallest things like how much sugar you like in your drinks, the telltale signs of when you’re lying or uncomfortable, how you act when you’re too cold or too hot, and learns it by heart.

- Homare is also the kind of boyfriend who’d confront the waiter if they get your order wrong, he’s not ashamed of it either.

- He kind of just wants to make sure you’re doing well and happy, he’s a gentleman.

- Damn… I love him so much

[eliemo]

Blameless

Summary: Logan knew it was only a matter of time until Thomas found out, but he had no intention of pushing Virgil out of his comfort zone. Unfortunately, things are a bit different right now. 

Masterpost

Notes: I plan on writing the “incident” mentioned throughout this fic sometime soon. It’s killing me to plan out

Logan had known it was only a matter of time until Thomas found out. 

He’d been the one to suggest telling him right away, just days after Virgil’s past had come to light. After all, it couldn’t do any harm to have him on the same page when it came to redirecting a harmful mindset.  

But he’d quickly dropped it upon seeing how distressed the idea made Virgil. Logan wasn’t quite sure what he was so afraid of, (Rejection? Dismissal? Annoyance?) but he had no plans to push the anxious side out of his comfort zone. 

Unfortunately, things were a bit different right now. 

It had been almost a week since the...incident had occurred, and while things were steadily improving, they were still hardly back to normal. 

Virgil was still horribly jumpy, wide eyed and trembling far more than usual, apologizing relentlessly for even the smallest things like he was terrified they were all still upset with him. 

Not that anyone had been upset with him to begin with. Just...stressed and worried, was all. They’d all triggered some kind of panicked response from Virgil before, but last week had been a whole different story. 

But that was in the past. It wouldn’t happen again. 

That being said, Virgil still needed time. And Thomas wanted to film today. 

Logan had done what he could to get the date rescheduled, but logically, there was no reason not to film today. Not without a viable excuse, and he knew better than to push the idea of telling Thomas the truth. Virgil would open up when he was ready. 

So now they were all in Thomas’s living room as usual, sharing wary glances as they talked through their host’s latest problem, hoping he wouldn’t notice Virgil was just a bit quieter than usual. 

Virgil’s hands were still wrapped in bandages- and Logan made a mental note to check how those were healing when they were done here- but he was able to keep them hidden beneath his sleeves. 

The issue today was fairly standard- Thomas panicking over a reaction from one of his friends, frantically scrambling as he tried to figure out how to respond and move forward. 

It was the kind of discussion that would usually have them all bickering, shouting over each other with no real malice, probably getting frustrated and carried away in the process until they inevitably came to some kind of conclusion. 

Today, they were careful to keep the volume low, cautious not to lose their temper, Patton and Roman sending less than subtle glances Virgil’s way every few minutes. 

Really, with how obvious they were being, Logan would be more worried if Thomas didn’t pick up on something being off. At the very least, he was bound to be feeling a little extra anxious recently. 

But he hadn’t said anything, Virgil left to his quiet fidgeting from his usual place on the stairs, so perhaps they could--

“Virge? What do you think, buddy?” 

Then again, perhaps not. Thomas was speaking softly, and Logan knew he was only trying to gently encourage Virgil to voice his thoughts, but the anxious side still jumped at the sudden attention, eyes widening slightly. 

“I...s-sorry, what?” 

“I was just wondering what you thought,” Thomas said. “About what Patton was saying.”

Logan saw Patton wince at the question, at the way Virgil was beginning to look helplessly cornered, Thomas still watching with oblivious confusion. 

He should have tried harder to get them to reschedule. Today was a bad day. 

“I- um, I don’t know,” Virgil said. “Sorry, I-I was just, I was…”  

“Zoning out a bit?” Thomas offered, his smile easy and gentle. He’d meant it lightly, Logan knew, but Virgil actually flinched at the implication. 

“N-no I was listening,” he said quickly. “Or, I- I was trying to, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to space out.” 

“What? No it’s...It’s fine, Virgil. Honestly, we were all just rambling at this point, right guys?”  He turned, just in time to see the worried glances Patton and Roman were failing to hide. 

“Right!” Patton exclaimed, too quick and too cheery, and Logan resisted the urge to groan at how utterly horrible the two were at nonchalance. “Everything’s ok! You’re doing great, kiddo!” 

Virgil sunk even further into his hoodie, fiddling with the strings, looking like he would rather be anywhere else in the world, the attention clearly overwhelming. 

Thomas noticed, frown deepening, and he quietly cleared his throat before turning to the creative side. “Roman? Can you stop the recording for a sec?” 

Roman hesitated, looking to Patton and Logan as Virgil began noticeably trembling. But he did as he was told, moving to shut the camera off as Patton hurried to Virgil’s side, talking too softly for the others to hear. 

“Alright, what’s going on you guys?” Thomas asked, missing the way Virgil flinched again. “Logan tried to change the schedule earlier, which we all know is unheard of, and all of you are acting...really weird.” 

Logan opened his mouth to answer, everyone else stubbornly silent, but Virgil beat him to it, his voice heartbreakingly small. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, we can...we can keep f-filming, Thomas.” 

Immediately, Thomas’s expression softened. “Hey, buddy it’s ok. I’m not upset, I just wanna know what’s going on. Obviously something’s been happening for a while.” 

Virgil stared resolutely down at his lap where Patton had intertwined their hands, and Roman was shifting restlessly by the camera, clearly waiting for someone else to take the lead. 

Logan sighed, realizing that despite his own lingering stress, he was still the most composed person in the room. As was usually the case. 

“Thomas,” he said, hands automatically fidgeting with his tie when the others turned their attention to him. “There was a...situation a few days ago. It’s been sorted out since then, but today might not be an ideal time to film.” 

“A situation?” Thomas echoed. “Is...is that why I had a panic attack earlier this week?” 

Virgil’s head snapped up at that, kept only from scrambling to his feet by Patton’s tight hold. “You felt that? I- I’m so sorry I thought I...y-you said you felt fine and I thought--” 

“No, no, Virge it’s ok.” Thomas was moving towards the stairs, crouching to Virgil’s level, careful to keep a couple feet of space between them. “It wasn’t that bad. Your panic attacks don’t usually get to me, but this one felt...different.” 

Virgil shrugged, but offered a reluctant nod. “Yeah it was...more intense than usual, I guess. Sorry.” 

“What did we talk about, kiddo?” Patton squeezed Virgil’s hand, smiling sadly. “You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault.” 

Virgil didn’t answer, still refusing to meet anyone’s gaze, shoulders hunched under the weight of their stares. 

Thomas inched closer, ankles brushing the stairwell, finally breaking the silence. “Virge, can you...tell me what happened?” 

Logan was actually surprised by how quickly Virgil shook his head, looking like Thomas had just suggested something ludicrous, like talking to a cute guy in public. He’d known Virgil was adamantly against telling Thomas any of this, but he hadn’t realized just how hesitant he was. 

“I-I can’t,” he stammered, looking to Patton for help. “I can’t say, I’m sorry, I just...I can’t tell you.” 

“Perhaps it is time we told Thomas,” Logan suggested. “He’s bound to find out eventually, Virgil. And I can assure you, there is nothing to worry about.” 

“But of course, you don’t have to!” Roman added, looking almost just as nervous as Virgil. “It’s entirely up to you!” 

“I’m not gonna pressure you into anything,” Thomas said. “But you know you can tell me anything, right? I’ll do what I can to help.” 

Thomas’s living room was silent for a long moment, the only noise being Patton’s overly exaggerated breathing to keep Virgil from hyperventilating. They all waited, patient and silent, careful not to do anything to make the anxious side feel rushed. 

Logan blinked, surprised when Virgil’s eyes were suddenly locked onto his. 

“Can…” he paused, chewing on his lip. “Can you tell him? Please?” 

Logan gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile and nodded. “Of course. Would you prefer to be in the room or wait somewhere else?” 

Virgil hesitated, free hand tugging at his hoodie, glancing up at Thomas as if to make sure he wasn’t upset with the change in plans. 

“Do you want to wait in the other room, kiddo?” Patton asked. “I can come with you if you want.” 

Virgil nodded, the relief in his eyes painfully obvious, but Logan didn’t miss the tremble that stayed in his hands, the wary, anxiety riddled glances he kept sending Thomas’s way as Patton led him up the stairs. 

“I’ll come get you in a few moments,” Roman called, moving to sit on the edge of the couch, wringing his hands in his lap. “Teach?” 

Logan cleared his throat, adjusting his tie again as he turned back to Thomas, suddenly painfully unsure how he was supposed to continue. 

“Right...Yes. Well,” he started. “A few weeks ago we became aware that, ah...actually Thomas, would you like to sit down?” 

He was stalling and they all knew it- he wasn’t exactly trying to be subtle. But Thomas went along with it anyway, sitting opposite of Roman while Logan awkwardly remained in his usual spot, careful not to fidget. 

“You are, of course, aware of the other sides.” 

“Yeah,” Thomas said. “The dark sides, right?” 

“You have, being a complex and emotional person, many facets of your personality,” Logan explained, ignoring the question. “Some are not as...developed, or as fundamental as the four of us. Most you will likely never interact with. I doubt they even have the ability to manifest.” 

“Okay?” Thomas looked to Roman for some kind of clue, concern clearly morphing to confusion. “What does this have to do with Virgil?” 

Roman clasped his hands in his lap, switching between staring intently down at the floor and looking at Logan- who was frantically trying to figure out the best way to put the delicate situation. 

“Soon after we had accepted Virgil as one of us,” Logan said. “It...came to our attention that he was not...treated well, in a sense, by a majority of the other sides.” 

Roman scoffed. “That’s one way of putting it.” 

“We had all noticed right away, of course, that he was uneasy around us, and always a bit on edge. We all thought he was merely nervous about being rejected again and assumed it would pass.” 

Logan was resolutely not looking at Roman. He would not lose himself, would not fall apart in front of Thomas. He was simply restating facts. That was all. 

“I found him in my room about two weeks into our attempts to get to know him. He was borrowing some reading material and he...well, he believed I intended to strike him as punishment, since he was used to that being standard.” 

Logan risked a glance up, allowing himself to be relieved at Thomas’s expression. He was horrified, as was expected, but there was compassion and understanding flickering in beneath that. 

He wasn’t sure what he had been so afraid of. Perhaps Virgil had been rubbing off on him a bit. 

“But he’s...he’s alright now, isn’t he?” Thomas asked. “I mean, he knows he’s safe with you guys. Right?” 

“It’s a...work in progress,” Roman admitted, and Logan quickly jumped in to elaborate at Thomas’s growing distress. 

“And he is making a great deal of progress. We’re all very proud of how far he’s come in such a short period of time. But it is not something that fixes itself right away.” 

Thomas nodded, scrubbing a hand over his face, and Logan shared a worried look with Roman, both sides at a loss of what else to say or do. 

“How long?” Thomas asked suddenly. “Do you know...how long it went on for?” 

Logan shook his head. “Not exactly. We’ve all...helped Virgil talk through his experiences in chunks whenever he is comfortable. But from what I’ve gathered, it would have been several years at the very least.” 

That, clearly, was not what Thomas had wanted to hear, distress only doubling as he dropped his head into his hands, Roman frantically attempting to provide comfort. 

“Thomas--” 

“Years?” Thomas pushed himself off the couch, Roman hurrying to follow. “It went on for years and I just-- fuck I just let it happen?” 

“You did not let anything happen, Thomas.” 

“He’s my anxiety, Logan!” Thomas shot back, and Logan couldn’t help but be thankful that Joan wasn’t over to hear this particular rant. “It happened in my head and I didn’t even--” 

“Thomas.” Roman’s hand on their host’s shoulder shut down his rambling, the Prince's voice uncharacteristically grim. “There was no way for you to have known. None of us knew- hell Virgil didn’t even know it wasn’t normal!” 

They’d all gone down a spiral of self blame, obsessing uselessly over what could have been since they’d found out what Virgil had gone through. 

If they had just been kinder to him, welcomed him sooner, tried harder to get him to open up from the beginning, then maybe they could have stopped it, saved him from the treatment sooner…

But there was no use in those thoughts. All they did was upset Virgil, who refused to allow anyone to feel guilt over him, half the time convinced he was still just a minor inconvenience. 

“Placing blame is not of importance,” Logan said. “What’s important is Virgil’s safety, and learning how we can undo what has been done. He’s been...conditioned to have a very unhealthy mindset.” 

Thomas took a shaky breath, still much more pale than Logan would like but noticeably more collected than before. 

“You guys found out about this a while ago,” he said after a moment. “What about this last week? You said something else happened?” 

And just like that the tension in the room skyrocketed once again, Roman meeting Logan’s stare with wide, questioning eyes. 

It was like they hadn’t talked about it. They’d had several long discussions, both with and without Virgil, doing all they could to ensure nothing like that ever happened again. 

But Logan didn’t think they’d ever really...recounted out loud exactly what had happened. They all knew. They didn’t need to relive the details. 

Which was illogical, of course. It happened, it was terrifying at the time- the glass, the blood, the way the mindscape had been too quiet- 

But it was over now. It was a mistake, an oversight, and it wouldn’t happen again. And Thomas had the right to know. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Thomas said, and Logan was surprised by the sheer force of the relief that hit like a tidal wave. “It’s ok. I trust you guys to take care of him.” 

“We will,” Roman agreed. “Always.” 

Logan nodded and Thomas took a breath, running his hands through his hair before glancing at the empty stairwell. 

“Roman, do you think you could go get him? I wanna talk to him if he’s up for it.” 

The creative side nodded, glancing at Logan for some kind of unspoken approval before hurrying up the stairs, disappearing the way Patton and Virgil had left, leaving Logan and Thomas alone in the suddenly much too quiet living room. 

The logical side adjusted his tie once more, eyes trained on the floor. “Virgil has been worrying over your reaction for weeks,” he said. “Please attempt to keep your emotions in check.” 

He couldn’t help but think back to that first day, when Patton had lost himself in his emotions, and Virgil had been convinced that anger was directed towards him. 

Luckily, Thomas seemed to pick up on the uneasiness because he just nodded again, glanced once more at the staircase, and moved back to his spot on the couch. 

“Did...did Deceit hide this from me too?” 

“Not that I’m aware of,” Logan said, and unfortunately that was the truth. He didn’t know. “But from what I’ve gathered, I don’t believe he ever laid a hand on Virgil.” 

That, of course, didn’t mean he hadn’t known about the abuse. No one had really gotten the nerve to ask the dark side about the affair.

But there wasn’t a need to fill Thomas’s head with any more doubts.

It wasn’t long before there were footsteps from the stairs, Virgil reluctantly following Patton into the living room, Roman lingering a few paces behind. 

Thomas waited until they were all off the staircase before scooting over, patting the spot next to him. “Hey, Virge. You want to come sit?” 

Virgil shrugged, shoulders hunched and hands buried in his pockets, but he made his way over to the couch, sitting as far away from Thomas as possible. 

He didn’t look like he was panicking, Logan noted with some sense of relief, just miserable and wary, like he was expecting the worst. 

“Did Logan tell you?” Virgil asked, pressed up against the back of the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest. 

“Yeah, he did.” Thomas moved closer, still careful not to crowd the anxious side. “Buddy...do you think I’m gonna be mad at you?” 

Virgil shrugged. “No. I...I don’t know. Maybe.” 

“I don’t think Thomas has ever been angry with you, kiddo,” Patton pointed out from his spot by the window. “And I really doubt he’s gonna start now.” 

“Of course I’m not angry with you, Virge. Why would you think that?” 

A beat of heavy silence, and for a second it looked like Virgil would refuse to respond at all. But there were no tell tale signs of a panic attack, even as he took a small, trembling breath. “Because you should be.” 

It was mumbled, barely audible, and Logan frowned as Thomas looked like he’d just been slapped. “I- what?” 

“You should be,” Virgil snapped, finally looking up to face the others. “All of you should be! You should...you should be furious with me and you’re not and it’s been months and I don’t get it!” 

His breaths were steady, albeit labored, eyes wide as he met each of their stares, voice only slightly wobbly, and Logan briefly wondered how long he’d thought about saying this. 

Roman took a careful step forward, still hesitating by the stairs. “Virgil...why do you think we’re going to be mad?” 

It was a question they’d all asked him before, when he got that panicked look in his eyes when he thought he’d done something wrong. But this...Logan knew this was something different. This wasn’t panic. 

He didn’t like it any better. 

“I don’t,” Virgil argued. “I know you won’t be and that’s the problem.” 

No one knew what to say, exchanging helpless glances as Virgil took a steadying breath, finally focusing on Thomas. 

“I just...let them do that to me,” he said. “They said I had to be- be h-hurt and I just believed them like an idiot. It probably just hurt you and I didn’t even realize!” 

“Virgil, there was no way you could have known. You thought what was happening was normal.” 

“How is that any better, Logan? I thought I deserved it just because they told me I did. I never tried to fight back! It just...to me it just made sense. I deserved it. I...I still think I do sometimes.” 

“Virge--” 

“But you’re all so nice to me. I just...I-I love you all so much and I don’t know how...I just keep messing up and panicking over stuff I let happen to me and making your lives harder and it’s...what if I don’t get better? After what happened last week how long are you gonna…” 

He paused with a shaky breath, clearly resolutely determined not to cry. “What if I don’t stop doing this to you? I-I keep...doing this and- and I try to listen to you but sometimes I...I get it. I get why they did it. I mean, if I’m just such a fuck up that that’s the only way to control me, then why don’t you guys just do the same thing and beat the shit out of me so--”

“Virgil!” 

Logan hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but he could see Virgil getting more and more worked up, and the last time he’d brought up any of them getting fed up enough to resort to violence Patton had burst into tears, which would do nothing to help the situation.  

Luckily, the flash of fear in Virgil’s eyes as he fell silent only lasted a second, recognition taking over as his shoulders dropped. 

“Sorry,” Virgil muttered. “Sorry I didn’t mean to say all that, I know you guys...I know you won’t do that. I just worry...I don’t know.” 

Thomas was scooting closer again, watching Virgil with an expression Logan couldn’t quite read. Sadness, definitely. But it was also fond, something protective and kind. 

Logan thought Thomas was the only person kind enough to look at their anxiety like that. 

Good. Virgil deserved that kindness. 

“Virgil,” Thomas said, arms now open and inviting, his smile warm and genuine. “Come here?” 

Virgil didn’t hesitate. His face crumpled and the facade he was trying so desperately to put on faded as he fell forward into Thomas’s embrace, holding him tight. 

Logan smiled, sinking out along with Roman and Patton. They would need to talk about what had happened- all of them, but it could wait. 

Virgil needed some time with Thomas, and Logan had no doubt he would be taken care of. 

To Virgil’s own, silent amazement, he managed not to dissolve into tears the second he realized Thomas not only wasn’t upset with him, but offering physical comfort. 

The others had sunk out sometime into the hug, leaving the two of them alone on the couch, and he did his best to breathe through the lingering panic at the memories of what he’d just said. 

Thomas didn’t let go, but didn’t try to pressure a conversation either, seeming to know Virgil needed some time to find his voice again. 

Instead he just leaned back slightly, enough so both of them were resting comfortably against the back of the couch, and turned the tv on to some mindless show, the background noise helping to ground them both. 

His arms were still wrapped around Virgil, comforting and safe, and the anxious side’s breath hitched as Thomas began carding fingers through his hair, unable to stop himself from leaning into the touch. 

Thomas shouldn’t be taking care of him like this. Not when Virgil had done nothing but hurt him. 

He pushed those thoughts away, closed his eyes, and willed his mind to focus. 

It was impossible to tell how much time passed, everything fuzzy and far away, but Thomas never pushed, waiting until Virgil was ready to talk on his own. 

“I’m so stupid.” 

The fingers in his hair stopped, just for a second, before starting up again, even more gentle than before. 

“You’re not,” Thomas said. “You’re not, Virge. You were being hurt and manipulated. It wasn’t your fault.” 

He’d heard this all a thousand times before. It wasn’t his fault, it was manipulation, his reactions were normal, he shouldn’t blame himself. 

It helped to hear, sure, but only in the short run. It all came creeping back eventually, taunting, jeering voices mercilessly screaming in his head. 

“I know,” he said against Thomas’s shoulder. “But I believed them. I know what they did wasn’t my fault but I never questioned it. I hated the way it made me feel and I still never tried to get it to stop.” 

“You thought you didn’t have a choice.”

“Nobody else would be stupid enough to believe that,” Virgil muttered. “You wouldn’t, the others wouldn’t, I just always thought...I thought I was helping but I always just make it worse.” 

For a second, Thomas didn’t answer, the low volume of the television the only sound in the living room. For a terrifying second, Virgil thought Thomas was going to agree. 

“You make us better, Virgil,” he said, the same words Princey had spoken in his room. “Not worse. Never worse. Don’t forget that.”

Thomas pulled back slightly, just enough to meet Virgil’s eyes, carefully moving a hand under his chin when the anxious side averted his gaze. 

“You aren’t stupid, buddy. And you did not deserve that. Any of it. You couldn’t have known- we all treated you like a villain, and you thought you had to be the bad guy.” 

Virgil shrugged, taking a shuddering breath. “I thought...I was just trying to protect you.” 

“And you do,” Thomas said. “You always have. Nobody blames you for believing what they told you. Especially not when you were scared.” 

Thomas finally allowed Virgil to look away, the side staring down at his lap, forcibly reminding himself not to pick at the bandages under his sleeves. 

“I hated it,” he mumbled, face burning. “I wanted it to stop so bad so I don’t know why...why I can’t accept that it’s over.” 

“You’ll get there,” Thomas promised, more certain than Virgil had ever heard him. “You’ll realize someday you didn’t deserve it. We’ll show you that you deserve to be loved, Virge.” 

Thomas pulled him close again, the hug tight and desperate on both ends, and for just a moment Virgil thought that with an embrace like this, a family so open and understanding, he would never be afraid again. 

[romantichopelessly]

Line Without a Hook

Happy holidays @romanapologist ! I am so so so sorry that this @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift comes to you so late, but I am very bad at checking my email and just found out that I was going to be your pinch hitter. I hope that you enjoy this Intruality hurt/comfort anyway. It came with some help from my wonderful friend @sunshineandteddybears as well.

Words: 2.6k

Summary: When Patton's entire world view is challenged--when he doesn't even know who he is supposed to be anymore, help comes from an unexpected source. Maybe things can be okay after all.

Warnings: This is hurt/comfort, so there is a happy ending. Before that there is descriptions of intrusive thoughts, guilt, depression and negative self talk.

----

Morality was a bit more complex than Thomas had been led to believe when he was younger. No, a lot more complex. When Thomas was just a kid the rules were clear cut. Simple. Don’t fight with your brothers. Do as your parents tell you to. Respect your teachers. Say please and thank you. Don’t lie.

Or do?

Were even those simple, childhood rules concrete anymore? Janus’s words suggested otherwise. And from what Patton could tell, the snake-like side was right. Had been right for a while now, just muffled by Patton’s own ignorance and… pride. His insistence that he had to be the one to help Thomas out of every situation. Was the foundation that Patton had built everything on--Thomas’s feelings, his motivations, his perception of the world--even stable?

Patton himself sure wasn’t.

Even now, sitting in his sepia-toned room, surrounded by stuffed animals and memorabilia that could usually comfort him, when Patton closed his eyes, he could see the green on the edges of his vision. He could hear his own voice, distorted and croaking, feel his heart racing again, the knowledge that he had hurt Thomas, his Thomas, and that he was responsible for years of grief-

Patton choked back on a sob. The lump in his throat was almost unbearable. He pressed his mouth into the back of his panda pillow pet to muffle the sound.

The only thing worse than sitting alone in his room with the crushing knowledge of his failure was the possibility that someone would hear him and come to check on him. The idea of one of the other sides--one of his friends--seeing him like this, weeks after the incident, was unacceptable.

He could just imagine the look of pity that would cross their face. Roman would look so heartbroken to find Patton in such a state. Virgil would probably extend the same amount of kindness that Patton had always shown when he found Virgil in the midst of a panic attack. (But had Patton been kind to do so? Or was it just another form of selfishness? An act born out of guilt for shutting Virgil out for so many years. Was Patton only kind because someone told him to be once? Did he actually love any of them at all? Or was he just destructive?) Logan- Patton was ashamed to admit that he was not sure how Logan would react. He was sure that it would be heartachingly sweet, though. He would probably say something poignant and true that would make Patton feel stupid for ever feeling bad in the first place.

If one of the d- the others found Patton…

It wasn’t like Patton had been avoiding them. In fact, in the days following the… incident… Patton had gone out of his way to seek them out. Janus had been wary at first, and it broke Patton’s heart a bit. The look of distrust in his two-toned eyes. The slight curl of his lip. Confusion? Suspicion? Patton couldn’t tell at the time, and although it had replayed again and again in his mind ever since, he still was not quite sure.

He liked to think that he was doing the right thing now. That he could make things right.

But who was he to judge that anymore?

It was obvious, now, that he had never known what was truly right. He was only just deluded enough, just stupid enough, to assume that his function as Thomas’s Morality was infallible. But his versions of right were wrong. Catastrophically so. Up was down. Left was right. Black was white. Or was gray the new goal? That sounded like something that Janus would say. He was still confused about it.

He was just so stupid.

Another sob was stuck in the back of Patton’s throat. His eyes burned, shame and guilt curling in his stomach in an ugly flash of putrid green and black.

He had carried Thomas’s heart on his sleeve and on his shoulders. And he had buckled under the pressure.

And now Thomas was cracked. And no one knew if it was fixable, least of all Patton.

Grounding. Patton knew, distantly, that he needed to ground himself. But it was borderline impossible with tears clouding his vision and pooling in the frames of his glasses.

How could anyone ground themselves when it felt like the ground was opening underneath them?

Did he even deserve to be grounded? Didn’t Patton deserve to feel this way? After everything that he had done to Thomas, to Virgil, by ignoring his obvious discomfort at Patton’s over exuberant displays of love, to Janus, by pushing his contributions aside for years, hell, even to Logan and Roman. Not to mention Remus, who Patton still did not have the guts to spend more than ten minutes alone with. Who was so, painfully, obviously bereft of love and craving attention. Who looked at Patton like he was a friend, like he was something to smile at, even though Patton had shown him time and time again the exact opposite.

A gasping sob wrenched its way out of Patton’s chest before he could muffle himself with his panda. He didn’t deserve that kind of a second chance. He really, really didn’t.

He deserved nothing other than to sit here alone in his room, with nothing other than his own guilt.

In fact, Patton should probably just stay there, in his room forever. He could do his work as Thomas’s heart and emotions from here, and really that was all that he had ever been any good for anyway.

There was a loud POP from the far side of Patton’s room that startled him into raising his head up from his pillow pet.

Across the room, just beside the door, stood Remus. Patton blinked, stunned. His hair was disheveled, which was not out of the ordinary, the silver streak that ran through his brunette locks sticking up in a wild cow lick. The purple eyeshadow that encircled his eyes gave the unique impression that he was startled. Or perhaps deranged.

“...Remus?” Patton’s voice came out in a weak, watery croak that made him wince. Tears were still fogging his vision, so he couldn’t quite see Remus’s reaction to such a sad sight.

“Pattycake?” The usually taunting nickname sounded surprisingly… soft. The Duke’s voice was almost… gentle. It nearly shocked Patton into stopping crying. Nearly. “What’s up?”

“I’m fine.” Patton responded immediately. Reflexively. He didn’t even bother to try for a smile though, even he knew that it would be weak.

“Don’t try that.” Remus’s voice was steady. He still hadn’t moved from his station at the door. “I could hear you bawling your eyes out from the hallway.”

Patton closed his eyes. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He had been too loud. They had probably all heard him in here, crying like a baby over his own stupid mistakes. And now Remus was here, and could see him, all blotchy and red in the face, his hair messy from when he had been running his hands through it earlier before covering it with the hood of his cat hoodie. Remus was here, and he knew that Patton wasn’t okay right now. Remus was here, and he sounded… sympathetic.

Patton sniffed pathetically. “I’m sorry.” Remus blinked this time, tilting his head at an awkward angle. He looked confused. Patton continued on. “I didn’t mean to be so loud.”

Remus was silent for a moment. Patton took a couple of deep breaths, trying to stop himself from crying.

“Can I come sit with you?” Remus asked.

Patton swallowed. There was no use in denying the Duke. He pulled his knees closer to himself and gestured to the open space beside him. Remus had crossed the room in an instant and dropped unceremoniously down next to Patton.

“Who upset you?”

Patton looked up, surprised once again. It wasn’t unusual for Remus to say shocking or surprising things, he embodied Thomas’s intrusive thoughts. However, the level of… concern that Remus was showing at the moment was not something that Patton expected.

“If someone said something to you, I can remove their toenails and glue them to their forehead for you.”

Patton bit back a wince. That was more like the Remus that he was becoming used to.

“No one.” Patton answered, truthfully. Remus looked skeptical, so he continued. “No one said anything to me, really. I just… Get down sometimes.”

Remus looked confused. “You mean like depression?”

Patton curled back at the word, as though it were a physical blow.

“Well, fuck, Patty!” Remus sounded much brighter now, and when Patton looked back up, he could see that the other side was smiling. “You could have just said so!”

“It’s not just… that.” Even now, Patton was unable to say it. Unable to admit to it. “I’ve been… thinking.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

The joke startled a chuckle from Patton. It was choked and sad sounding, but it made Remus wiggle proudly nevertheless. Patton sniffed again. “No, not like that, sorry. I just mean that I’ve been… thinking about Thomas. About everything that’s been changing lately.” Patton stared across the room at a painting by 12 year old Thomas that was hanging on his wall. “About… how I’ve been holding him back. I can’t stop thinking about it, no matter what I do to try and fix things.”

“Then don’t!”

Patton blinked in confusion, tilting his head in confusion as he sniffed one more. “Huh?” he couldn’t help but mumble out. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t try to fix things.” The Duke grinned widely, showing off teeth. He seemed so proud of himself, but Patton was still confused. How could he not try to fix things? He kept messing things up, so he had to find a way to do it right this time. He needed to. “But-” A hand clamped onto his back, making him startle and tense. It left just as quickly as it came, Remus pulling it away as if he had been burned.

“Oops, sorry. Forgot to ask if that was okay.”

Patton frowned. He hadn’t meant to make the other side feel like touching him had been a bad thing. He typically loved physical affection! He just hadn't expected it, that’s all! But now he went and made Remus feel bad, because apparently that was all he could do lately-

“Anyways,” the Duke continued, his tone unbothered, “you don’t have to fix everything, Pattycakes. Especially by yourself. Sometimes things aren’t as broken as you think they are, and don’t really need fixing at all. Sometimes things fix better when you leave them alone and let time work itself out. And sometimes, you take it to a specialist who knows better than you on how to fix it.” That sounded… rather wise. It was more than a bit unexpected, coming from a side that was currently picking his nose as he gave his advice. But Patton was quickly learning that the others had more to offer than their appearance suggested.

Still... “How do I know which kind of thing this is?”

“You don’t.” Well, that was disappointing. “At least, I never do. Not right away. After a while you start to figure it out, but even then you can still mess up sometimes. But that’s okay.” Grinning a little more softly, Remus looked right into Patton’s eyes. “No matter what, you got others around who can help you. Even when you don’t think you need it, or aren’t allowed to ask for it, they’re there. Like plumbers or doctors! Better to use them than to play handyman or diagnose yourself with WebMD. Get your kids fucking vaccinated Karen!”

A startled laugh escaped Patton at that. He was a little in disbelief over the suddenness of it, but he sounded a little less like he was going to burst into more tears.

Remus seemed to take that as a victory as he cackled quietly himself. “I’m not sure if anything I’m saying makes any sense, but things are gonna be okay. Your world’s been shaken to its core, but it’s still in one piece. Mostly. Just gotta adapt now.” Patton rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve, they felt puffy and a little itchy, as he hummed in thought. “But what about Thomas and everyone else? The pain I’ve caused them…” “Did you say sorry?”

“Well, yes-” “Then the only thing you can do now is learn and work to do better next time.” Remus sounded so sure, so certain. But it couldn’t be that easy could it? “You don’t gotta keep apologizing for the same stuff. We’ve all done bad things before, me especially! Thomas is still standing, and not too worse for wear.” He couldn’t deny the truth of that. Thomas was still more or less in one piece. “He’ll be okay, and so will we. So will you.”

A small smile formed on Patton’s lips. It wobbled and didn’t go very far, but it was genuine. It was hard to shake away his worries, his fears, of the damage he caused and the future, how he’d fit in it. But Remus’s words helped. Made the knot in his chest loosen just a bit. “Thank you Remus.” The Duke stared wide eyed at him, suddenly seeming shocked and dazed. “Remus?”

The other jumped, snapping out of whatever spell he was under. “H-huh? Oh!” Dusting of pink coated Remus’ cheeks, stretched up as he smiled brightly. “Sorry. Not used to people thanking me. Also your smile is fucking adorable.” Now it was Patton’s turn for pinkened cheeks. “Oooooh that little blush is cute too! And it goes to your ears!”

Oh, that was embarrassing.

“Stoooooop!” He whined out, burying his now red face into his pillow pet again.

“Oh. Not okay to say, gotcha.” Patton’s head shot up at that, in time to see Remus frown down at his shoes. “You know I just sorta blurt out everything that comes to mind.”

“No, it’s okay.” Patton said, uncurling a little bit more. “I just felt embarrassed that’s all. It’s silly.” Remus’s frown deepened and he shook his head.

“Silly isn’t bad, but your feelings aren’t silly. So if you don’t like it, just say so. It’s not gonna hurt me any.” It was an easy out Remus was giving him, allowing him a chance to put barriers between them. But Patton was trying to move past those, wanted to move past them.

“No, it’s okay. I promise.” Slowly, Patton reached out and stuck out his pinky. “Pinky promise.” Remus snorted at that, but there was a playful gleam in his eyes. He wrapped his own pinky, that thankfully wasn’t from the nose picking hand, around Patton’s and cackled.

“In Japan, when someone makes a pinky promise they have a saying that threatens the person promising to not lie, or else they’ll cut off their finger and punch them ten thousand times and make them swallow a thousand needles.” That was a very gruesome image that Patton wished he hadn’t pictured. “Don’t worry though, I won’t do that to you. I like your hands too much.”

“O-oh?” Remus liked his hands? That was nice.. Maybe? “Why my hands?” “Well I like everything about you Pattycakes. So naturally, hands fall under that category.” Heat returned to Patton’s cheeks, blooming them in pink once more. “Awww the blush is back!” Remus shrieked with glee, kicking his feet wildly. “Wanna watch a movie?” The non sequitur nature of the question had the moral aspect blinking before he could fully process it.

“Um..” He didn’t really want to leave his room just yet, he didn’t feel quite ready. But a movie sounded nice, and he found himself wanting to spend more time in the Duke’s company. “Can we watch it in here?”

“You got it Pattycakes!”

Relief and a surprising… warmth filled him at that, his smile growing a little bit more. “Thanks.”

[rosesisupposes]

Objections, Your Honor

Two lawyers are across the aisle in open court once more. But today something is off, and no one is happy with the result.

read on ao3

characters: mainly Logan & Janus; background Virgil, Patton, Roman, Remus, Remy, and Emile

pairings: soulmate Loceit; QPP Analogical; QPP Moceit; romantic soulmate Royality; romantic soulmate Dukexiety; romantic soulmate Remile

content tags: non-traditional soulmate AU; courtroom drama; arophobia and acephobia; shameless self-pandering with legal arguments about the MCU; gushing about QPPs; couples therapy

reader tags: @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby  @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse​ @thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @potestessemagishomosexualitatis  @mariniacipher @vintage-squid

word count: 10,386

⁂

The day it happened was no normal day for Logan. But not, of course, because of that.

He cared because it was a trial day. Months of motions back and forth, weeks and weeks of preparation, and today was oral arguments. He normally avoided open court, particularly against such an opponent, but nothing could be done.

His case files were impeccably arranged in his padfolio, his grocery list of arguments annotated in precise writing, blue ink dotting the page with emphases and connections, his notepad prepared at his left.

He glanced to his right out of the corner of his eye at his opposing counsel. He didn't want them to see him looking. But he sneered internally at the haphazard stacks of papers spreading across the table and the garish gold ink that looped and curved across sticky notes.

The judge finally came out, and Logan stood, crisply buttoning his tailored jacket as he did so. At the signal, he identified himself clearly. "Logan Finch for the appellant, Your Honor." 

And then, from his right: "Janus Alighieri for the appellee, Your Honor."

Logan rolled his eyes internally. Janus was, unfortunately, a very familiar foe at this point. But then, they were two of the most respected lawyers in their state, with opposing specialties and reputations for innovative tactics.

Logan was self-aware. He had another reputation, too: as a black-and-white thinker, unshakable, unalterable. He preferred to think of it as a particularly strong conviction. Versus "The Snake" against him, who coiled and twisted the facts of his cases to benefit his clients.

And of course, that was the issue today - Logan strove to show that his client had a straightforward, airtight argument that should clearly prevail, while Janus found miniscule details that he said should be enough to distinguish the case at hand and make it different from previous decisions, enough so to allow the case to be decided in his favor. He'd charmed the jury at trial, and now argued against Logan's appeal.

Logan prided himself on keeping a cool head, but listening to Janus' speech just got under his skin. His neat handwriting started to get messier and messier as he furiously scribbled notes of counterarguments and responses to his opponent's points. Then Janus turned slightly, just enough to see frustration's color burn in Logan's cheek, and he smirked.

Logan barely heard the gasp from the observers behind the bar, because he'd just snapped his pen in his grip.

He looked straight ahead, somewhere slightly to the left of the judge's head, but he saw very little, his furious thoughts too loud to allow any else to be processed. But the audience was murmuring and talking, far louder than any judge usually allowed - what was going on?

A clerk from behind him hurried up to the judge's dais and whispered urgently in her ear. Logan had yet to look around, but he was slowly coming back to himself, enough to be confused at this disruption in normal procedure. He refused to look over at Janus' probably-still-smirking face.

The judge cleared her throat. "Counselors, we will recess for the day. Please join me in my chambers now."

Logan frowned, but cleaned up the broken pen and gathered his file neatly back into his leather briefcase. He didn't look over, but he heard the flurry and crinkling of papers as Janus threw his notes into his own bag. Without glancing over, Logan followed the judge to the small office at the back of the courtroom.

"Mr. Finch, Mr. Alighieri. I do hope there's a good explanation for this breach in propriety, not to mention the code of conduct," she said sternly as they both stood before her heavy desk.

"Breach, Your Honor?" Janus asked. He sounded just as confused as Logan felt.

"As barred attorneys, you are expected to know the code as well as I," Judge Kasel said severely. "No soulmates may be involved in a trial together, except as co-counsel."

Logan's ears roared. "Your Honor, I apologize, I must have misheard. Soulmates? How is that relevant-"

"Mr. Finch, don't play dumb with me - the entire courtroom saw!"

"Saw what?" Janus asked. His voice was oddly distant and strained from its normal silky tones.

Judge Kasel stared at them in disbelief. "You mean to tell me you both managed to not see that? I'm quite certain the entire county saw the glow just now, through even the back of your suits!"

"Glow?" Logan asked. His chest was suddenly very, very empty, a vacuum of air or substance, and had he not been sitting he was sure he would have fainted.

"Yes, glow, both your marks on your shoulders. Given your mutual surprise, I will assume that this was indeed unknown, and will not declare this case a retroactive mistrial. But you will both need to send in replacements from your firms."

Janus spoke up, his voice tinny. "Replacements, Your Honor? I should think even in light of this- development, only one of us would need to withdraw-"

"Mr. Alighieri, while I appreciate your dedication, I will not delay this trial for the entirety of your bonding. I will give you both 3 days to propose counsel to take over, and scheduling will proceed with them."

Oh fuck. Bonding, Logan thought, unable to speak. That absolutely ridiculous expectation.

The clerk poked her head in. "If they need to speak privately, this side office is empty."

"Yes," Logan responded robotically. "Yes, I believe we need to speak."

They filed into the small room. The clerk closed the door behind her, whispering "Congratulations!" as she disappeared.

Janus sat in one of the chairs heavily. Logan remained standing, staring blankly at the bookshelves built into the wall.

"I can't believe this," Janus said finally. "We've known each other for years, how could we possibly be...?"

"Soulmarks frequently emit a barely visible glow from proximity alone, particularly when located on skin that is generally covered. Heightened emotion or situations with high levels of stress lead to brighter glows that were invisible or unnoticed previously," Logan recited dully.

"Oh yes, how could I forget, I'm talking to Encyclopedia Brown," Janus said, rolling his eyes. "Of course you've memorized that too." He unbuttoned his suit vest dexterously despite his trademark yellow gloves, slumping forward in his chair as he threw his vest over the arm carelessly.

"At least one of us actually has a factual basis for this event, rather than us both being in the dark," Logan snapped back.

"Yeah, your vast knowledge of facts really helped! Did your misguided quest to know everything somehow miss the detail of who's your fucking soulmate?" Janus said, nearly whisper-screaming.

Logan whirled to face him, a fiery reply already on his lips, when he suddenly saw a blue light showing through Janus' white shirt, bright enough to glint off the polished chair back and off the glass of the picture frames on the wall.

He closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. "Yes. That was a detail I had not learned. It felt trivial, unable to affect my work. But now that it has, we're better off resolving this."

Janus deflated too. "Yeah. We should. If we can just get through this part, at least we'll stop glowing like horny teenagers."

Logan focused on a tiny flag displayed on the desk as he spoke, not looking over. "I know of a very respectable landlord who rents bonding apartments in the city. Nothing overdone or kitschy, no 'honeymoon' suites, just furnished apartments for indefinite stays."

"Fine. Not like we can't afford it, whatever the price."

"I have some arrangements to make at home-" Logan began

"As do I, unless-"

"Unless what?"

Janus took a breath. "How would you feel about living with a snake?"

"I rather thought that was the entire idea," Logan replied coolly.

Janus shot him a withering glare. "I mean a python, you absolute cotton-headed ninnymuggin."

"Ah, my mistake," Logan said calmly. "That should be fine. A pet, I assume? Or your chosen co-counsel?"

"Let's get one thing straight, Finch," Janus said, rising to his full height, looking down at his infuriating opponent. "I don't like you. I don't expect or particularly want you to like me. We are going to be residing together up until, and only until, our illogical marks have decided in their weird cosmic energy to stop lighting up like neon signs whenever we experience strong emotion in each other's company. I fully expect to be pissed off the entire time, which will make figuring that out easier. But you do not get to speak to me that way, or I'll-"

Logan looked up to meet Janus' eyes. "Or you'll what, Alighieri?"

"I'll report you to the bar for breaking the code, and convince them you already knew," Janus replied smoothly. "And you of all people should know- I am very persuasive."

Logan's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. "Fine. And yes, you may bring your python. I'll be leaving my cat at home, however."

"Fine with me," Janus said curtly, deflating back into his normal slouch.

"I will send you the details of the landlord I mentioned. I can make the arrangements within the hour."

"Sure. Wait-"

"What?"

"How are you going to send me the details?"

Logan paused. Their only real contact over the years had been in person or by professional communications. He could hardly use a process server or subpoena to give Janus his key. "Ah. Right. Your contact information, then?" He pulled out his notepad.

Janus pulled out his gold pen and scribbled his phone number at an angle, entirely crossing the college-ruled lines. Logan cringed but took it.

"I will contact you shortly, then. And I will may sure to look for pet-friendly apartments."

Janus nodded. "Right."

"Right."

They both paused.

"Uh. See you soon, then," Janus said, and left the room abruptly.

⁂

Janus had to hand it to him - the apartment was all Logan had promised. Clean, sleek, and spacious. The landlord had even left a spare heat lamp, so Janus' sweet Monty would be comfortable.

Best of all, there were several separate rooms in the suite - two bed, two bath, and two offices.

The kitchen was also well-furnished, and came stocked with staple foods. Logan had arrived, however, with extra bags of groceries.

"I brought my own additions," he said. "The landlord is a friend, but he doesn't buy from the shops I prefer."

He proceeded to pull out several large jars of kimchi, what looked like at least a gallon of soy sauce, and various bright packages that Janus couldn't read.

Janus resolved to take pictures and look up what these things were later. Not while Logan was standing here, glaring up and over as if daring him to comment.

"I've picked the smaller bedroom," Janus informed the shorter man calmly. "Monty is set up in there, so if you're weird about snakes, just avoid it. Actually, feel free to avoid it anyway. I've got a brief to write."

Logan made a noncommittal sound in response.

Hours later, Janus emerged from his office to eat something. His brief was finished, sent off to his senior partner. He hadn’t yet told the firm about the day’s events- only that the appeal would need to be handled by another partner with his associates’ help, he needed to take emergency leave, and he would let them know soon how long he expected to be unavailable. H

e found evidence in the kitchen that Logan had prepared, eaten, and cleaned up dinner for himself.  That was fine by him. He made his own food, grabbed a bag of candy, and retreated back to his room.

The next morning, he woke up at his normal late time, stretching in the sun. The kitchen once again showed evidence of Logan's presence- particularly the currently-soaking coffee pot.

When the sun started to descend once more and Janus had yet to see his new roommate, he grumbled. Guess he'd have to be the fucking practical one.

He blew Monty a kiss for good luck and stumped down to the rooms Logan had claimed. He rapped on the door. "Finch. We need to talk."

He waited. There was silence, then a slow drag of a chair. The doors cracked open.

"Yes? What about?"

"No. We need to talk. Or, fuck, I don't know. Be in the same room occasionally."

Logan sighed deeply, and opened the door more. "Fine."

Janus went to the living room and sat on one side of the couch. Logan followed him and settled on the chair facing him.

"So." Janus began.

"So what," Logan replied flatly.

"Sew buttons," Janus replied automatically.

"What?"

"Just something one of my friends says," Janus muttered.

"Ah. So what was it you want to discuss?"

"I don't know!" Janus snapped. "But I'd really like to get back to my life, eventually, and that can only happen if we bond." His lip curled.

Logan sighed heavily. "And how, exactly, do you propose we do that?”

Janus fell silent. He had very few ideas. Pop culture made it very clear that bonding was an extremely romantic event. First kisses. Proposals. Or, in the less sappy movies, it seemed to consist purely of falling into bed together. None of which appealed in the least, particularly not with Logan.

Logan stared expectantly. "Nothing? You just pulled me out with no ideas?"

"If you're the fucking brilliant one, you come up with one then!" Janus spat out the suggestion with a glare, but then he saw it - a soft gold glow shining through Logan's tee, reflected in the tasteful mirror behind him.

They both deflated again, glows reducing down to hidden beneath their clothes. 

Logan adjusted his glasses. "I. Ah. Apologize. I realize you are attempting to resolve this issue."

"But you're right. I have no idea how to," Janus admitted.

Logan took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "Unfortunately, neither do I. Perhaps just coexisting will be enough."

"How long will that take, though?"

"I haven't the foggiest."

They lapsed into silence.

Finally, Janus suggested, "Maybe we can do our work in the same room. Set up in the dining room with all our stuff. Coexist but in proximity."

Logan glanced over. "That seems relatively painless. Let us make an attempt, then."

⁂

Logan had not had any particular expectations for how well they could share a work space.

And yet, it was still far worse than he'd expected.

Janus talked to himself. As he read, as he wrote, as he researched. Not loud, but a constant stream of soft muttering, disjointed words and full sentences. 

It was the most distracting thing Logan had ever been suffered to experience.

"Will you please be quiet," he said tightly, after an hour passed with no signs of letup. 

"What do you mean?" Janus asked.

"That infernal whispering, please, could you stop?"

Janus looked at him quizzically.

"You're talking under your breath," Logan said. He felt a headache coming on. 

"Oh, am I?" Janus asked. "Sorry. I'll be quiet."

It lasted all of half an hour, and then the muttering started again. "SCOTUS said yes but that was a city sidewalk, 2nd says no but that was Lincoln Center, hm, decoration, use, separation, intent?" 

"You're doing it again!"

Janus looked slightly guilty. "It's barely conscious, it's how I process things. Could you just wear headphones?"

"I need silence."

"Noise-canceling, then?"

"Fine. Do you own a pair?"

But the headphones didn't help. The sensation was too odd, of being closed-in, and he kept bumping then as he went to lean against his hand. Finally, Logan stood. "I'm going back to my office. This experiment has failed."

Janus' eyes narrowed. "Well, thanks for deigning to sit in my presence for a full three hours before giving up."

"I'm not giving up, this is just not tenable!" Logan insisted. 

"Well, you asked for ideas, and I came up with one. If it's not working for you, you come up with a better one. Come find me when you're done thinking, I know it could take you a while."

He stood and grabbed an apartment key, and stalked out to walk off his frustration.

As he walked, he called his best friend.

"Hey Pat, it's me."

"Jan! Hi buddy, how are you?!"

He sighed heavily. "I want to go home."

"But you only just got there?"

"Yeah, and it's going shi- I mean, badly. Really badly."

"I'm sure you'll work it out," Patton said confidently. "You're a brilliant and wonderful human, and anyone smart enough to argue against you will be able to see that!"

"Thanks, hun," Janus said. "The fact remains that I also don't like him."

Patton hummed tunelessly. "It doesn't have to be instant, Jan. These things usually take time."

"Unlike you and Ro."

"Well, yes, but that's because we were meant to be!" Patton soft, his voice taking on that soft, besotted tone it always did when he talked about his soulmate.

"Isn't the whole point that all soulmates are meant to be?"

"Well, yes..." Patton faltered. "But it doesn't have to look like us, we're just hopeless romantics!"

"I know. How's wedding planning going?"

"We started watching movies for inspiration and got distracted with a Disney marathon," Patton said fondly. 

"But you had fun?"

"Absolutely!"

"Good," Janus said, meaning it. There were very few people, in his opinion, who deserved happiness the way Patton did.

He was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Pat- what if it was a mistake? What if we just have defective marks or something?"

"I'm sure that's not true!" Patton insisted.

"It just seems like - I mean, we're not even friends. Most people get to start from strangers at worst, but we've been antagonizing each other for years, what if, I don't know. Neither of us had a soulmate and so they glitched out?"

"You just need to find some common ground," Patton said confidently. "You can't both be so passionate about being lawyers without something more in common. I believe in you, buddy!"

Janus sighed. "Thanks, Pat. Say hi to Roman for me, tell him Monty misses him."

"Will do, nephew! Call any time you need, okay?"

"Love you, Pat."

"Love you tooooo!"

Janus realized he'd circled the block and was back at the apartment entrance. He steeled himself, then went back up. He repressed the petty urge to bang open the door to disturb Logan's quiet as much as possible.

Logan wasn't in the common spaces, but emerged not long after Janus returned.

"I feel I must apologize," he began. "It wasn't my intent to denigrate how you work. It is just clear that sharing a workspace is not going to be preferable for either of us."

"Yes, I'm aware I had a bad idea," Janus said, overly patient. "Kind of an odd apology, but I accept. Can I have lunch now?"

"Yes, of course. May I join you?" Logan asked.

Janus raised a distrusting brow.

"The idea of spending time in the same space was a good one. I thought we might try a context in which we don't need to focus."

"Fine."

They prepared food around each other, both managing to bite their tongues when they needed the same counter space or cooking implements, which Janus was proud of himself for. They ate in silence.

Janus heard Logan sigh in exasperation and braced himself for yet another snippy comment. Instead, he heard an unexpected question.

"Do you enjoy superheroes?"

"To eat? No, they upset my stomach," Janus replied drily.

"I mean to watch. Superhero movies and shows."

"Occasionally, yeah, why?"

"Perhaps we could watch one this evening. At the same time."

"Sure."

And they parted to continue working on their own.

⁂

Logan had been correct that, as far as superhero movies went, the MCU was a safe choice.

In retrospect, though, perhaps Civil War had been... less so.

It had started when Steve first objected to the Sokovia Accord plan- and Logan had scoffed.

Quick as a cat’s pounce, or an adder’s strike, Janus’ head whipped around. 

“You disagree?”

Logan glanced over briefly, screen light blinking off his glasses. “Well, of course. Didn’t New York and Sokovia show that some control is needed? Lawlessness leads to more civilian casualties.”

“And yet, if supers are controlled so much that risk of liability keeps them from acting at all, casualties would be just a tad higher, don’t you think?”

Tony and Steve’s voices raised on the screen as Logan replied, “What would the difference be of the villains and heroes if they all act with complete impunity?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did we lose mens rea when we switched over into Marvel-land?” Janus asked, voice clipped. “Isn’t the entire basis of our modern penal system based on culpability, not just the act or harm done?”

Logan looked down his nose. “Of course culpability matters. But you well know that one of the factors for absolute liability is when an act is inherently and extremely dangerous. Say, for instance, displays of superhuman force in a densely populated area.”

“So you don’t think there can be any space for personal judgment on the heroes’ behalf?” Janus asked incredulously.

“Look what that space did already! Does the name Ultron ring a bell?”

“So of course, the one who made a terrible call is the one who now wants to be restricted? That sounds like asking for the global government to save him from himself instead of taking responsibility.”

“Better that those with actual accountability be the ones bearing the responsibility!”

“Oh, yeah, and we can definitely trust this government’s judgment! A Hydra infestation was all part of the plan!” Janus’ voice was raising, far louder than the movie that still flickered on, ignored.

“There still needs to be rule of law! Steve wants to abandon it all for one person, and a war criminal at that-!”

“And that’s incomprehensible?”

“Of course!”

Janus fixed his supposed soulmate with a glare. “And you mean to tell me that there’s no one, no one, that you would be willing to burn the world down for?”

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Janus continued quickly before he could. “No one who won’t fight for themselves, because they think they’re not worth it, but you know they’re so worth it that you would be willing to kill for them?”

Logan, about to spit out an impulsive reply, paused, momentarily speechless. As clearly as if they were sitting on the edge of the couch next to him, his best friend from childhood filled his mind. Virgil, who never believed their worth no matter how many times Logan and their soulmate Remus told them so.

Janus saw the pause and continued softly. “I’m not saying rule of law isn’t important. But the trouble with laws is they’re only as tailored as legislators make them. And they’re human, and therefore fallible. We need exceptions, for those situations that they didn’t imagine.”

Logan struggled for moment, then replied, just as quietly, “You’re right.”

Janus’ mouth fell open in shock, but just as he did, the tv’s faint blue glow throughout the room was washed over with two beacons in blue and gold, blazing from their backs.

At the sight, Logan’s face went from contemplative and open to stony. He stood abruptly and stalked off into his room. The door closed behind him with a decisive click, and Janus was left staring at the wood in confusion and anger.

⁂

“I just don’t get it!” Janus whisper-screamed into the phone. He was power walking through a nearby park, moving so fast he’d passed a skateboarder and a particularly leisurely biker. “Does he want to keep on glowing forever? What is his problem?!”

Patton made sympathetic noises in response, quite familiar with the sound of Janus in full rant mode. Roman was lying with his head in his lap, listening on speaker, so Patton was settled in to be as receptive to his friend’s complaints as he needed.

“I mean, we finally agreed on something, besides the fact that we want to get this fucking resolved, and then he just, what, shuts me out? Literally and figuratively? I literally can’t even catch him leaving to the kitchen for food now!”

Patton winced. “Not since? But it’s been two days!”

“Two and a half, yeah,” Janus replied. His voice suddenly sounded weary. “I can’t keep doing this. The trial’s going on without us anyway, I might as well just give it up and make sure I never have to argue against him again.”

At that, Roman sat bolt upright. “Janus, my dear esquire! You cannot abandon your quest! This is your soulmate!”

“Yeah, well. Maybe some soulmarks are broken. Or we just met at the wrong time. Maybe if we’d met in law school we would have been a team, but now it’s too late.”

Janus sounded contemptuous, but Patton could hear a distinct note of regret.

“Maybe...” he started, but trailed off, thinking.

“Maybe what, Pat?”

“Well, it’s just that I’ve heard of soulmates who, you know, take an abnormally long time to bond, or manage to un-bond after years together, but they can fix it. Do you remember my old roommate?”

Janus wrinkled his nose. “Patton, are you suggesting couple’s therapy? I’m fairly certain that only applies to couples.”

“Well, you’ve kinda been forced to be one, right? At least to figure out bonding? They could probably help, or at least let you know if it’s not worth the effort.”

Janus sighed. “No, you’re right, it’s a good idea. I just have no idea how I’ll get Finch to go along with it.”

“Might I make a suggestion?” Roman asked politely. 

“Sure.”

“Perhaps try calling him ‘Logan.’”

Janus rolled his eyes. “Worth a shot, I guess. Love you both.”

“Love you Jan!”

“Best of luck with the love of your soul!”

 Back in the apartment, Logan was pacing in precise squares in his bedroom. He half-expected the rug to be worn down by the repeated impact at this point. 

“L, I don’t know what to tell you, buddy,” the gravely voice on the phone said. “You really have only two options here: find a way to avoid him forever, which will probably involve having to turn down cases you’d like-“

“I bet he’d stay on them just to force me off,” Logan interrupted, growling. 

“That is a possibility,” Virgil replied, their voice overly patient. “The other option, though, is to work this out,” they continued. 

Logan scoffed.

“Lo, that doesn’t mean you’ve gotta turn into a Hallmark movie! But it’s clear this isn’t just going away, and it’s not like you’ve got nothing in common.”

Logan groaned. “Virge, I don’t-“

“I know, man. I know. But you can’t just hide in your room until he just decides to move out, which means you’re gonna have to talk to him at some point.”

Logan didn’t reply, just continued pacing. 

“You know I’m right, Lo,” Virgil said patiently. “You don’t have to say it, just promise me you’re not going to keep being a hermit, okay?”

Logan sighed. “I promise.”

“There we go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

About to hang up, Logan heard a voice in the background and Virgil asked him to wait.  Then, “Reme wants to say hi.”

Logan let out an exasperated sigh, but he was smiling. “Fine, I’ll allow it-“

“Loooogggyyyyy! How’s the soulmate boning going? Have you figured out that you’re a power bottom yet?”

“Hello, Remus. I take it you’re well.”

“Let’s just say I’m glad you’re my brother-in-law because I may have some need for a lawyer soon.”

Logan couldn’t conceal the grin from his voice as he replied, “As I know you know, I am not a defense attorney, nor would I ever be so unwise as to take you as a client.”

“Aww, you’re such a smart cookie! And by cookie I mean a snack, because mmmm-MMMm you’re a snacc!”

“Always glad to know I’m appreciated,” Logan replied drily. “Goodbye, Virgil. Goodbye, Remus.”

“See ya, L.”

“Byeeeeeeeeeee!”

⁂

When Janus returned, he was a bit taken aback to see Logan sitting in an armchair, reading. At the sound of the door, he looked up. 

“Ah, Alighieri. I- I wanted to apologize for my behavior.”

Janus paused. It was a good sign, but still so unexpected as to be unsettling.

Logan cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have left you in a lurch. You did not cause this situation anymore than did I, and you have not been unkind. I have a suggestion for how we might move forward.”

Janus winced internally, thinking of another disastrous attempt at a movie or workspace. “I actually had a thought on that as well, but um. What was yours?”

Logan cleared his throat again. “Well, since we have been... brought into this situation together, but as a pair are struggling to adjust, it seems logical to consult with an expert, much as we would in our work. Therefore, we should consult a professional on personal relationships.”

“Oh, thank god,” muttered Janus. “Yeah, I was gonna suggest a couples counselor too. I think that would make sense. And I actually have a personal reference to a very experienced therapist.”

That settled, they found the earliest possible appointment, only two days later. 

“I do need to warn you-“ Janus said as they walked up to the office. It was their first time out of the apartment together, and it had been a very quiet walk over. “The methods of this therapist are- unorthodox. But they are highly acclaimed in their field.”

“Oh, are they an enby?” Logan asked. 

“Yes and no,” Janus replied. “You see, there’s two of them.”

“Two?”

“Yeah, they’re a couple therapist that is also a couple.”

“I don’t- well- I mean, that’s odd, right?”

Janus grinned. “Yeah, odd is a common word to describe them. But they’re highly praised and like I said, they were recommended personally.”

“Right,” Logan said, squaring his shoulders. “An open mind is helpful for effective therapy, after all.”

“That’s the spirit! I think,” Janus replied, holding the door open.

A gothy receptionist showed them to a private room with a comfortably large couch. Logan looked around in trepidation and slight alarm at the decorations. There were countless Funko-Pops, posters, stuffed animals, and an alarmingly high number of travel mugs from what looked like every single cartoon that had ever existed.

Janus was slightly more prepared then Logan, but he still jumped out of his skin by the sudden singing coming around the door. A deep voice was booming, “Duhhh duh-duh-duh-duh-da-DUH!” in a building crescendo that went on and on, until both lawyers were staring in a mixture of confusion and irritation.

Then a tall, lanky man slid in the door and lowered his glasses to wink at them both. “Hey babes. Welcome to therapy.” 

The singer followed him through the door, their bright pink hair a sharp contrast to their warm brown skin. “And thank you as always for the intro, honey!”

They smiled, big and toothy. “Welcome indeed! I’m Dr. Emile Picani, pronouns they/them, and this tall drink of coffee is my partner, Dr. Remy Picani, pronouns he/him! And you are Janus and Logan, correct?”

Logan looked a bit stunned still, so Janus took the lead. “Yes, I’m Janus Alighieri and this is Logan Finch, pronouns he/him for both. And I was referred by Patton Corwan-Augustus.” 

Emile smiled even bigger, if that were possible. “Oh Patty! Best roommate ever, I still miss his brownies. It’s lovely to meet you both!”

“Best roommate? What am I, chopped liver?” Remy asked, hand pressed to his chest. 

“Best friend, best coffee-maker, best of men and best of husbands,” Emile replied, and said husband immediately blushed.

Logan coughed politely. “Have you been married long?”

Remy smiled, still pink around the edges. “We’ve actually been married almost 10 years. The minute we graduated university, actually, when we knew our parents had not a shred left of financial control. We went through our PhDs together, which is why, of course, we’re qualified to help out other couples, because let me tell you, would not recommend.”

“Which brings us, of course, to you two!” Emile said brightly. “What is your goal in coming to therapy?”

Janus and Logan both began speaking at once.

“Well, it started in court-“

“It was completely unexpected, we’ve known each other for years-“

“-dreadfully embarrassing, not to mention the professional ramifications-“

“-it just feels like something’s missing-“

“-really want to just sort this out-“

“-just want to figure out the disconnect-“

“-and we can forget about the whole thing.”

“-want to make this work.”

They looked at each other, shocked, as their words both sank in.

Emile was tapping their Powerpuff Girls pencil topper steadily against their lips, eyes wide behind their pink-framed glasses. 

Remy, at their side, leaned back and took a long, loud slurp of his iced coffee, rattling the ice around until the room’s attention was on him. Then he looked up and said, “Hoooo-wheee.”

“So I’m getting a lot of differing goals here,” Emile said delicately. “Let’s start with you, Janus. Can you expand, please?”

Janus tried to speak, but felt like his voice had dropped into the cold pit that was suddenly his stomach. “I, um,” he started with a shaky breath. He barely noticed when Remy pushed a cup of ice water into his hand, but a sip steadied him somewhat.

“You can look just at me, if that helps,” Emile said softly. “Or at my buddy Kaa here.” They gestured to the stuffed snake on the shelf behind them. 

He looked like a fuzzy little Monty. That would do. 

“Thank you, Doctor,” Janus said, acknowledging the water from Remy. “So. We’ve been rival lawyers for years, because we’re both the best at what we do. It was shocking, to suddenly be glowing in open court, but I thought we just needed to find common ground that’s not arguing. That’s why I’m here, at least.”

“And Logan?” Emile asked, still in that kind voice. Logan wouldn’t meet their eyes, though, or anyone’s.

“I thought- we both seemed so upset by the news. Or at least, I was, and perceived you to be as well.” He didn’t look up as he addressed Janus, but his eyes shifted over and took root on Janus’ polished loafers. “My plan was to spend whatever time was needed to stop glowing, then get back to our respective lives.”

“Do either of you have a question you’d like to ask of one another?” Remy asked. “It can be as large or small scale as you’d like, serious or frivolous.”

Both men looked up at the lanky therapist, who’d actually removed his dark glasses, revealing slightly foggy-looking irises. “Logan, it looks like you have one.”

“Oh- yes. So, Alighieri- I mean, Janus. To be clear- you were not upset by the news?”

Janus took a breath. “I mean, I was shocked, and upset to be removed in the middle of a case. But not about the soulmate thing, specifically. And I have a question too?” He looked to the therapists, who both nodded.

Janus looked over, and saw the Logan was watching him in his periphery. “When you say you were upset about the news- was it about the soulmate thing, or about me as your soulmate?”

Logan actually sat up, looking shocked. “Oh, goodness gracious. Absolutely about the concept of ‘soulmate’ in general, not personal in any way. Did I-?”

“Well, yeah, a bit,” Janus said.

“I am- I am so sorry. I would have absolutely have been equally upset, no matter who I found to be an accidental soulmate.”

Janus felt his stomach unclench just a bit.

“Logan, what about soulmates in general upsets you?” Emile asked.

Logan’s mouth pressed into a thin line, and he stayed silent for a moment, then two. Finally, he said curtly, “I never asked for one. And no one asked if I wanted one, either.”

“No one asked if I wanted to be trans, and yet here I am,” Emile said with a cheeky grin. “We don’t always get a say over the circumstances of our birth.”

“But Emmy, you’ve found self-acceptance and happiness deriving from coming out,” Remy put in. “Logan, were you content with life before this reveal?”

Logan nodded. 

“So there was no sense of dysphoria prior, or absence of a euphoria that was gained since.” 

Again, Logan nodded.

“Couldn’t-“ Janus began. His throat felt a bit stuck. “Couldn’t there be something to be gained, though?”

Logan picked up a small figurine of Dexter from the table next to the couch, and fiddled with it in his lap as he spoke. “It’s not impossible, there could certainly be gains from a better acquaintance with you. But that’s not what a soulmate is supposed to be, is it? They’re supposed to complete you,” he said, his voice dripping in disdain. “Because you were incomplete before. Because you weren’t enough, alone, you were just waiting for the One. And of course, you can’t be trusted to find them yourself, some cosmic force determines it for you.”

Remy rested his hand in his hand, elbow propped on his knee. “Spill it, sis.”

Logan stared in confusion. 

Remy smiled. “It means, approximately, ‘continue, you’ve got something good to say’. I’m getting a lot here- but a lot of the frustration seems to be with the idea that forces you can’t control are messing with your life, is that fair?”

Logan shifted. “Well, yeah, but that makes me sound like a control freak.”

“Not at all,” Janus interrupted. “Of course you don’t want something incomprehensible to make decisions for you. That’s not controlling, that’s perfectly understandable and human!”

Logan managed a small smile in response.

Emile beamed. “I couldn’t have said it better myself!”

“But I am def gonna poke some holes in your thought bubble,” Remy said cheerfully. “Starting with this: what do you mean when you say a soulmate is intended to be The One?”

Logan stared in disbelief. “Come on. Really? Look at, I don’t know, any piece of media ever. Or at you two. Or at my- friend and his husband. Or any other pair of soulmates!”

Janus added, “I mean, that’s what’s intended, right? With the whole ‘marked from birth’ thing?”

Emile looked at them both very seriously. “Did you know that Remy isn’t The One for me?”

“But he’s your soulmate?” Janus gasped out.

Emile nodded gravely. “He is my soulmate. But he is not my only soulmate.”

“I was designated female at birth to very traditional parents. They wanted me to marry my soulmate at 18, like they had, and they assumed he’d be a man. But my other soulmate was a girl, and I loved her with all my heart. And when I realized I wasn’t a girl, I thought my parents might accept us more. I was wrong.” They took a breath. “We were separated. I don’t know what happened to her. But it was enough to know that my parents didn’t care about my happiness, soulmate or no.”

“I’m so sorry,” Logan said quietly, and Janus nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. 

“I was lucky, though,” they continued. “I found Remy only two years later. And he accepted me as I am, both my gender and my other soulmate. And the cartoons, of course.”

“I never got to meet her,” Remy said. “So we will never know if she was my soulmate, too. I choose to believe she wasn’t. I think she could have been Emile’s one and only, had they been able to stay together. And that doesn’t make me feel any less lucky to be Emile’s husband, nor any less loved by them.”

“And not to shock you even more, but not all soulmates are romantic,” Emile said. “I know that’s the media portrayal- but well, the media is also pretty straight. And cis. And white. And neurotypical. And-”

“What they’re getting at,” Remy interrupted, “is that common portrayals miss a lot of the variety and complexity of humanity as a whole, let alone the complexity of relationships.”

Logan was sitting very still, and not speaking. Janus was trying to wrap his mind around this, and spoke with uncharacteristic uncertainty as he asked, “So- for instance, um, you could have soulmates who are, uh, queerplatonic partners?”

Logan’s head snapped up, staring at Janus with wide eyes.

Remy grinned. “Yes, of course! I was worried I was going to have to do a vocab lesson, but you both seem to know what that is.”

“But-“ Janus began, brows furrowing.

“But that means-“ Logan muttered to himself.

“Why isn’t he my soulmate?” Janus asked, at the same time Logan asked, “Why aren’t they my soulmate?”

Lit by the twin glows reflecting against the wall, the therapist couple exchanged a pregnant look. Emile reached out and took a hand of each patient. “I know this is a lot to process, but I really want you to keep something in mind: a soulmate is not the only way we can love someone. It’s not the ‘best’ way or only valid way to love someone. The same way the platonic love you clearly both hold for a significant person in your life is no less valid than romantic.”

Remy sat up straight. “I want you both to think about this when you go home. Your love for your QPPs is wonderful, and worth cherishing. And I know you are both lawyers, so here’s a question for you to brief. We cannot know the actual intent of whatever force gave you marks that respond to each other. So I want to you look for what evidence there might be, in each other, for your connection.”

Emile added on, “You have a link, and it’s worth exploring. It doesn’t have to ever be more important, more meaningful than another connection you have. But understanding it is critical to bonding successfully.”

“I think we should wrap there, for this week,” Remy added. “But you can talk about this, of course, without us.”

Janus and Logan nodded, and left. The walk home was as quiet as the walk there had been, but this time the air thrummed with thoughts and ponderings.

⁂

Janus and Logan made dinner with relatively little talk, only quiet asks to pass a spice or a cooking implement. It wasn't an uncomfortable quiet, but one where their minds were far too loud to vocalize just yet.

Janus quietly suggested putting on TV, and picked the game show network as a neutral, unobjectionable option.

They ate as they watched, still burdened with their own thoughts, but slowly started to murmur the correct questions under their breath before the Jeopardy contestants were able to.

Final Jeopardy, as luck would have it, was on Latin - but specifically, Latin as used in law. Both attorneys chuckled at the contestants' answers, some of which weren't even close to correct.

Janus directed a cautious smile in Logan's direction, and found it reciprocated. But as he saw that familiar glow start to reflect off the walls, he tensed, waiting for Logan flee once more.

For the first time, though, he didn't. His eyes widened as he took in the lights, but he didn't move to stand or leave.

"About today-" Logan began. "I don't know that I am quite ready to discuss it all, but I did want to once again apologize for my handling of this situation, and its emotional impact on you. It was entirely unintentional, but I regret causing you distress."

"Thank you," Janus replied softly. "And thank you for being willing and open to go to counseling. I learned a lot today, all of it important."

"I'd like to talk about it tomorrow, if you'd be willing," Logan added. "There are some additional details I need to share, but I don't think I'm able at the present moment."

"Sounds good," Janus nodded. "I'm going to turn in for the night. Sleep well."

"You as well."

But despite feeling tired, Janus found he wasn't at all sleepy. He ended up sitting up until the wee hours of the morning, stroking Monty gently and thinking a great deal.

⁂

The next morning, Janus woke up much earlier than his usual habit, but he needn't have worried - Logan was clearly waiting for him in the kitchen, sipping coffee and idly solving the entire Sunday crossword.

He looked up at the sound of Janus' door, and indicated the mostly-full coffee pot with a nod. Janus gratefully filled a mug for himself and lightened it thoroughly with cream, drinking deep as he stood angled so that he could offer critique and suggestions on the crossword.

"No, shush," Janus said, though Logan had not spoken. "It's gotta be White. Y'know, Betty? C'mon. Most-loved Gold? It's obvious."

Logan just smiled and penned in “White” in the horizontal boxes, immediately able to fill in the Down clues crossing them.

Once the puzzle was complete, Janus refilled his coffee and sat properly at the kitchen island. 

"So, if you're amenable-" Logan began. "I believe I'm prepared to discuss yesterday in more detail."

Janus nodded. "Did you want to start off?"

"Yes, I think I must. Because there was one detail that I wasn't quite prepared to share that I think will be quite helpful in securing a full understanding."

At Janus' encouraging nod, Logan closed his eyes to take a breath, and said, "The truth is, I'm an aromantic asexual. That's why the concept of a soulmate was so upsetting to me, particularly because up until this week I had assumed I didn't have one."

Janus looked down. "I'm ace, too, but not aro, and... yeah, same boat, mostly. I thought I wouldn't have one, but when we started to glow, I assumed it must be romantic. But that must not be the case."

Logan tented his fingers together. "So you're not aro, but you do have a QPP?"

"Yeah - I definitely can experience romantic attraction, but what I feel for Patton has always been stronger, and different."

"I'd like to hear about him, if you'd be willing," Logan said softly, and was rewarded by a smile that seemed about to glow as brightly as his soulmark on Janus' face.

"Oh, he's just the best," Janus gushed. "I met him at the perfect time in my life. I'd just been dumped by an asshole because he couldn't deal with the fact that the asexual part wasn't just me being a tease. I was feeling pretty low, post-college, all alone in a new apartment, and then this beam of sunshine turns out to be the kind of neighbor who brings cookies as a greeting. Even though I wasn't exactly receptive, he just kept coming back, even just to check up on me, and soon I found myself looking forward to it, and then inviting myself over in return."

Logan paused. "Wait, your ex broke up with you because you were ace? Was it a surprise?"

Janus rolled his eyes. "No, not in the least. I'd told him, and reminded him, and he'd just been assuming I would 'get over it,' the fucker. Right after the breakup, there were times I wondered if he was right, if I should have just powered through my repulsion to make him happy. But Patton was amazing about that, too. When he heard what happened - oh my goodness, he was so angry on my behalf, he looked like he was going to Hulk out. And then he made it his mission to make sure I was being validated in my identity and knew that I was eminently lovable both in spite of and because of my aceness."

Logan smiled. "That's wonderful. I can see why you love him so much."

Janus sighed happily. "And it hasn't changed even though he's met his allo soulmate. Roman knows that our bond isn't and will never be a threat to theirs, and he makes Pat so happy. They're planning their wedding right now, but they've already signed all the papers and it'll just be a party where they gush about each other in public."

Janus sat for a moment, basking in the glow of his affection for Patton, before he turned to Logan and asked, “You have a QPP too, right?”

“I do,” Logan said, a smile stretching across his face unconsciously. “Their name is Virgil. And they’re also married to their soulmate.”

“Tell me about them,” Janus said, when Logan fell silent. 

“They’re- they are just amazing. They’re my best friend, have been since about fourth grade. ” Logan’s eyes went a bit misty as he considered his childhood. “We bonded over being surrounded by idiots, after a debate simulation where we were on opposing sides.”

Janus smirked. “You mean I’m not your first? I’m heartbroken.”

Logan shot him a glare, but it had none of true anger’s heat.

“I guess we always had the feeling that we weren’t quite like everyone else. Besides the introverted tendencies, it wasn’t really a shock when they came out as nonbinary. They’d been online, discovering new terms, and in learning about their identity I ran into the aro and ace labels. I felt seen, do you know what I mean? And then Virgil just compounded that feeling by immediately understanding and accepting me. They call me a brother, just to explain that our relationship isn’t “just” friends.”

“What was it like when they met their soulmate?” Janus asked. 

“It wasn’t nearly as smooth as your experience seems to have been,” Logan admitted.

“Their husband is... unique. Prone to rather odd fixations and interests. But he’s also demisexual, and like us, had thought he wouldn’t have a soulmate. And part of his defense mechanism against that kind of rejection was, well. Embracing his off-putting side. Being disgusting for the sake of it. Grossing out others before they could judge him for his orientation.”

Janus grimaced. “I know that feeling, all too well. Donning a mask, so that a rejection won’t be of you, just your persona.”

“Exactly,” Logan said, nodding. “I don’t think it helped that both Virgil’s and Remus’ soulmarks were in their hair. They’d both dyed their hair many times over the years, but it wasn’t enough to hide it. And once they had shown up- there was no more pretending.”

“Was it hard for them?” Janus asked. 

“Accepting it was. But then they started actually talking and then it just- clicked. All those macabre interests that overlapped, the mutual obsession with MCR. They fell in love the minute they both let their walls down. And like you said- it never really changed what I had with Virge. They didn’t meet Reme until college, and didn’t get married until last year. So Virge told Reme that I was here to stay, and part of their life, and he accepted it without a blink. He’s a forensic archeologist now, to Virge’s forensic detective, so they’ve actually both been helpful in cases, too.”

“That’s... kind of adorable, in a weird way,” Janus said, scrunching his nose. 

Logan chuckled. “‘Adorable in a weird way’ is the best possible description for their relationship.”

Janus tapped his finger on the island. “That sounds so familiar, though, and I can’t quite place it.” He closed his eyes, murmuring under his breath. “Wait! Is Virgil’s husband an Augustus?”

“That was his surname, yes, though now it’s Angelico-“

“Oh my god!” Janus burst out. “That’s Patton’s brother-in-law!”

“What?”

“Roman Augustus! That’s his soulmate’s name! And he had a twin, but they had a falling out and haven’t been in contact for a couple of years. But he said he’d been in forensics!”

Logan blinked. “Well, it is certainly a small world. Not that Remus has ever talked about his brother, but I knew he had one.”

“That’s kind of crazy. What are the chances?” Janus asked, laughing. 

Logan looked pointedly over. “Do you really want to know? I could calculate them-“

“Thanks, calculator watch, but I’m good.”

They both chuckled quietly, sitting side by side at the kitchen island. 

“Hey, uh- thank you for trusting me, with the other day, and with this,” Janus said softly. 

“I owe you thanks as well,” Logan replied. “I don’t frequently have the opportunity to talk about Virgil in detail and it’s- it’s nice.”

Janus just beamed, returning the sentiment without words. 

In that moment, the sunlight of the room was tinged with colored light, gold and blue overlapping into rich emerald.

Logan hesitated, seeing it, but after a moment lifted his arm. Janus smiled and leaned in, accepting the offered side-hug.

“Hey Finch- I mean, Logan?”

“Yes Janus?”

“I may not be sure yet why we’re soulmates, but I’m definitely not disappointed that we are.”

A beat.

Then a soft murmur replied, “Neither am I.”

⁂

Later that afternoon, Logan returned from stocking up on more food to find Janus lying upside-down on the couch, lanky legs dangling over the back. His face was red enough to show that he’d been sitting there for a while as the blood rushed downward.

“I cannot imagine that is at all comfortable,” Logan commented drily, neatly putting away the packets of noodles and snacks he’d purchased.

“It helps me think,” Janus replied. “Especially when I’m trying to see something from another perspective.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed. “This better not have been a set-up just to make that terrible pun.”

Janus looked over, grinning. “It actually started that way, not gonna lie. I’d been venting to Patton about an oral argument simulation in law school and he suggested this as a joke. And then it actually helped.”

Logan huffed in what sounded suspiciously like a muffled laugh and came to sit more normally in a chair next to the couch. “So what is it that you’re trying to change your perception of so literally?”

“Our case, actually - Gomex.” At Logan’s quizzical look, he replied, “The partners aren’t letting me onto new cases until they know I’ll be back in person. I’m getting bored. So I thought, you know. Why not figure out what I was missing in this one.” He shrugged, an odd contortion for an inverted torso.

“You were missing something? But you won at trial.”

“And I was caught off-guard by your appeal - or at least, the part where it survived my motion to dismiss.”

Logan allowed himself a satisfied smirk. “Surprised you with my impeccable research, did I? All my rock-solid precedent pointing out the clear error in the original jury instruction?”

Janus’ legs kicked idly in the air. “Your research is always impeccable. Of course you were able to find precedent on-point for the general issue, you’re good at this. But the facts of the case are just so different that how could any of those past rulings be definitive?”

Logan leaned back in his chair, tapping the arm pensively. “Wait, so you really believe that? It wasn’t just a tactic to make Gomex feel like they’re getting their money’s worth for your legal fees?”

Janus finally righted himself, sitting upright with a leg balancing on the coffee table. “Well, yeah , of course I do. I don’t take the time and effort to go to trial for bullshit unless the client can’t be talked down from combat mode. Racking up charges for unnecessary trial prep is only fun when they don’t take my advice.” He looked quizzically at Logan. “So you really didn’t see the difference between Gomex and, what, Sourgoutsis?”

“No material difference, no. It’s in the right circuit, it’s recent and binding, and it established a test that clearly applies here.”

“But the test requires knowledge!”

“Knowing includes reckless disregard for the truth, and Gomex had that.”

“Oh, you can hardly say it’s reckless when all the claims were paid without issue for a decade!”

Logan leaned forward, counting off points on his fingers. “The guidance is updated each year. The commentary points out the changes. Gomex has to certify as a company that they accept all current guidance and direction. If they didn’t actually know they were submitting false claims, they should have known, and had a duty to know.”

Janus’ eyes were flashing, but more with excitement than anger. “But even the commentary didn’t clarify that these specific claims would no longer be accepted in the future. Doesn’t the agency have a duty to be clear about changes in accepted policy when the code is so vast and companies used past claims as standards for future approval?”

“But the companies are the experts in their own industries. They should know that these kind of differences are significant and material.”

Janus sat up fully straight, pointing enthusiastically. “That’s it!”

“What’s it?”

“I figured it out! It is a matter of perspective. But not the perspective of side versus side, like I was thinking. It’s time.”

Logan leaned in, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Expand, please.”

Janus nodded, mirroring Logan’s pose even as his hands remained free to gesture. “So you’re looking at this as: company knows their procedures best, they’re the ones making profit off it, so their duty to know details is higher than the public agency. Right?”

Logan nodded.

“Here’s where I’m coming from - it’s not a question of if this company knew or should have known this distinction, or even if this industry has the expertise that the agency lacks. It’s about what this case would do to the Sourgoutsis test for cases in the future. If the agency doesn’t have to clarify a policy change now, why would it ever? If it’s not enough that companies rely on a long history of approval here, when will it ever be? Do you follow, Logan?”

Logan linked his fingers, tapping the tips of his forefingers gently. “So your concern is about using a history of compliance as evidence of good faith?”

“Exactly, yes.”

“But Gomex knew that the change meant the compliant history was no longer relevant.”

“Only because they had insider knowledge of the change process. Not from the public information.”

“Wait, so you agree that Gomex knew?”

Janus grinned sheepishly, baring all his teeth. “Well, we’re both off the case now, so- yeah. They knew or should have known their claims would get rejected and banked on the agency not noticing for just long enough.”

Logan gasped. “But you still went into court and got the jury to agree with you that they didn’t!?”

Janus shrugged pragmatically. “It’s not about Gomex, it’s about the precedent this will set. I’d rather one bad actor get away with it now than have who-knows-how-many claims get screwed in the future for a good-faith misunderstanding.”

“Especially if that bad actor is paying you millions to help them get away with it?” Logan asked with an eyebrow raised.

Janus raised one of his own. “So you’d rather let a bad test become binding because the agency is paying you millions to get it set in stone?”

Logan, about to respond hotly, paused. “I suppose that’s a fair assessment. I didn’t think it was that bad a test until now - I assumed the insider knowledge would be baked into the standard.”

“You gotta think cynically, Mr. Finch,” Janus said with a chuckle. “Picture the worst-faith application and work backwards from there, cause you know it’ll end up happening.”

“Hmm,” Logan said with a quiet laugh. “When you’re right, you’re right.”

Janus fluttered his lashes. “The great Logan Finch thinks I’m right about something. My life’s goal is achieved.”

“Hey, I think you’re correct quite a lot!” Logan objected. “Infuriatingly precise and pedantic, sure, but ultimately right. There’s a reason my firm sends me against you - no one else wants to fight what’ll be a losing battle half the time.”

“Only half?”

“Even you must admit I’ve been correct on more than one occasion,” Logan said with a smile.

“That is true,” Janus admitted. “Knowing that you’re going to be the opposing counsel always makes me up my game.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Logan said wryly. “I’d never admit it to the other partners, but you make me a better lawyer, Janus.”

The flattered glow of Janus’ grin was immediately dwarfed by two other, brighter bursts of light. Gold and blue pulsed from their backs in a flash, then settled into steady light. The colors lit the stylish room, blending to emerald as they pulsed in time with each man’s heartbeat. Logan looked at the glow reflected on the white couch cushions with wonder as he realized that Janus’ back  was no longer shining blue, but green. He caught his eyes and realized his own glow must have changed colors as well.

The lights pulsed more and more gently until they dimmed and went out, leaving Janus and Logan sitting across from one another just as the last of the sunlight fell below the horizon and the room went dark. 

The silence stretched for several moments, until Janus finally broke it with a bemused, “Huh.”

“So that was-”

“I think so.

“So now we’re-”

“Bonded, yeah. I think.”

“That would be a logical assumption.”

The silence returned, each man lost in his own thoughts. When they spoke again, it was at once.

“Maybe we should-”

“Perhaps we could still-”

“-make sure it’s permanent?

“-take a few days more?”

They shared a grin.

“A couple more days couldn’t hurt,” Janus said. “After all, it could be a fluke. We wouldn’t want to set a standard from a mere fluke.”

“Oh, of course not,” Logan responded with the same tone of amusement. “We want to confirm the integrity of the test.”

Janus stood to flick on a light, then turned as a thought occurred. 

“Wait, Logan - even once we go back, we won’t be able to be opposing counsel anymore. The soulmate code will still be applied, even though we’re not romantic or QP soulmates.”

Logan’s face fell for a moment, then lit up once more as he stood. “Well, we’ve got a couple days at least. I think the two best lawyers in the state might be able to argue that every precedent has an exception, don’t you, Mr. Alighieri?”

Janus’ smile mirrored Logan’s own as he replied, “Why yes, Mr. Finch, I think we might.”

[cherryblossomtease]

Chapter 16

18 + only

warnings and summary - Masterlist

Authors Notes: So maybe sometimes I get a little wrapped up in the romance and the drama amongst the kink *shrug* I was very much in my feelings while writing the next few parts but I sincerely hope you enjoy the next few posts over the next couple of nights. I’m happily working on the ending!

Warnings: 18+ only as always. Thank you for knowing your own limits. Not everyone can handle this much Bronte… by Bronte I mean m/m/f action lols- no but really— explicit sexual situations, m/m first time sexual exploration and insinuation, dom Zemo, sub reader, sub Bucky

You’re convinced overindulgence was invented on the first yachts. It was probably the romans who came up with it. Caligula comes to mind. Terrible person, evil fuck really. Threw epic parties though and some of the best were on boats. While you’re missing a few hundred people to reach those levels, the next couple of days could inspire a depraved emperor or two.

You eat drink and laugh your way through a hazy cloud of hedonistic delight until you've managed to find yourself between them, beside them or beneath them on every level of the yacht. And if you aren't being fucked into oblivion, then you and Bucky are on your knees obeying Helmut’s many commands.

And yet it’s not all A.D. levels of body fluid swapping. You and Bucky convince Zemo to give your favorite baking competition show a chance and end up binging all of season three from the start, with you cheering when the winner is announced because you called it when they thought it would be the odds-on favorite.

During the lazy days that drag on so much longer than real life would ever allow, you team up with Bucky and nearly defeat Zemo at an endless game of chess which you can see only happens because he allows it; however you both easily beat the Baron at shuffleboard and more than once until he's convinced you’re both cheating.

The games are fun of course, but what you most like is watching Zemo and Bucky find their stride as a couple while learning how to share you, after all they've only ever had you apart. It's sweet to see them so attentive and aware of one another, not wanting to make the other feel pushed aside or less than. Yes Zemo is the dominant one in this relationship, thats been established, but respect and care for feelings is not bound by a role.

It's the little things that show this, like how Zemo will watch the way Bucky traces his finger down your neck thinking you don't see him looking and adjust his own subtle displays of affection. It happened in the lounge after you all went swimming just this past afternoon. You’d settled onto the low couch together, reading and scrolling. He used to touch you just like that—playing with your hair, stroking the back of your neck— now he watches, and it makes him smile to see Bucky so gentle with you. Without a word and little effort he lifts your legs up and over his own putting his feet up on the coffee table before getting lost in his book again so that you are cradled between them. This way, Bucky is free to touch you as much as he wants and Helmut can wrap his arm around the tops of your thighs and lay his warm hand on your knee. Sometimes, when he reads something especially interesting, he grips just a little tighter...

Helmut Zemo.

Your ever observant Baron. Always attentive to every need, so ready to serve for a man so quick with a command. Be it a drink, or a late night snack; Helmut is never above offering every comfort. He is a gentle and adoring force of such intense love that you both feel swallowed by the world he’s built around you.

On a calm and peaceful night —you can’t say which one, because you’ve intentionally lost count— the sky is full of stars and a low hanging white moon, so the three of you go out onto the bedroom balcony and curl up together on the oversized white sofa. You’ve brought a glass of wine and a blanket and take a big gulp of the jammy red before laying your head in Zemo’s lap while Bucky rests in the crook of his arm making himself small enough to fit and Helmut opens one of the many books from the den.

One of the things you’ve found out during your travels is that in preparation for his escape, Oeznik had been busy readying two crates full of the things the Baron would need; some things which were private and other small luxuries a man like Zemo can not live without, like these books. You’ve begged him to start Wuthering Heights. He doesn’t mind, Helmut is a tragic romantic at heart, it’s Bucky who seems a little doubtful at first but by the time Cathy’s ghost is begging to be let in through Heathcliff’s window, Bucky is silent and listening, completely lost in the story, or as your suspect, this beautiful telling of it. You’re just glad he’s able to experience the delight that is Helmut's voice all soft and calm as he brings the story to life. Everyone should be so lucky…

When he’s gone through the first couple of chapters and you’re starting to fall asleep, he closes the book, kisses your head and rubs Bucky’s thigh suggesting that it’s time to go in.

The bed is a welcome change and while you’re all too tired for a wild session like what happened on the upper deck this morning (your knees still ache and you’re pretty sure Bucky would have marks from Helmut’s belt across his back if it weren’t for his healing abilities) you can sense something special starting.

It’s easy to forget on nights like this that anyone is submissive or dominant in your relationship. There is no edge to the way you touch one another, just love. Limbs intertwine, hands touch and rub and hold; only Bucky’s cool vibranium gives away his identity, otherwise there is a playful mystery in the dark that you all choose to let remain until you kiss a mouth and smile figuring out that it's Bucky because his lips are full and pillowy soft while the fingers that calmly stroke your wet center are Helmut’s because they move in his confident, graceful way. And you find yourself thinking of something you really haven’t before.

Experience. It’s something the three of you have so much of and in so many different ways that you nearly forget one of you is technically a virgin.

Hard to imagine the man kissing you, the man who has been inside of you so many times is new to this, well a form of this. The thought makes your heart flutter with excitement as you feel the deft fingers leave you and Helmut gets up from the bed.

He doesn’t go far and you wonder what it is he’s gotten.

When you feel the weight of him dip the mattress and much closer this time, you open your eyes curious but realize it’s a little too dark and Bucky’s face is too close to see. You pull back wanting to catch a glimpse of what you think is happening as the faint scent of bergamot tells you all you need to know.

Bucky raises up, not far, but enough that the moonlight shines on half his face letting you see how his brows knit close together. His gasp is light. He does not exhale. You can’t see past him but you know that Helmut has been slowly nudging him closer towards his first time and you have been watching this man be readied for a moment that just a few days ago he never would have imagined— or maybe he has? Honestly based on the way he grinds his ass against Zemo when the three of you are lost in all sorts of lovely situations, you’d say he’s imagined it a lot more than he’s letting on.

He exhales and they moan together as you pull him down into a deep kiss.

Is that one finger or two?

“Would you like to come inside of her?” Helmut asks softly as Bucky breathes through the feel.

He hovers over you, eyes shut tight, licking his lips before moaning softly again “Yes.” He manages to say, and you’re so wet you think Zemo could have saved the oil.

Permission must come through some physical contact because you hear nothing, just feel him at your entrance and then inside of you. You can’t help but to moan and arch your back, your stomach pressing against his, your nipples brushing against his warm chest groaning as you give into the familiar size of him, opening your mouth with a deep sigh as your heart races knowing he is taking you while being had.

Between breaths you catch a glimpse of Helmut beside him —right hand flat on the small of Bucky’s back the muscle of his left forearm flexing rhythmically— his face is stern with concentration but his eyes are soft. He does love to make you both feel good. For all his bluster and demanding, nothing ever makes him so happy as pleasing you and Bucky.

The fact that you start to come so quickly is no surprise but the fact that you start to come together makes you look at one another. You smiling through the quick breaths, Bucky’s furrowed brow a sign of his shock but absolute pleasure. It’s too much for him in the best way as he rocks his hips, slowly thrusting deep into your body that clings to him.

You shut your eyes, your gasp mixed with a laugh and a cry as you come.

Bucky lays over you, his face tucked into the safe corner of your neck, so soft and warm where he moans heavily, climaxing in a way he’s never experienced before. You put your arms around him holding him tight and the sound he makes is the sound of a man who has just discovered quite a few things about himself.

He raises up, breathing hard, stunned and happy as he kisses you.

That was incredible for you both and together you quickly look over Bucky’s shoulder at Zemo who sits gazing at your faces in the dark…

[jungle321jungle]

Something Worth Stealing: One

“What do you think?”

Truthfully Virgil was terrified at the very prospect. There was a reason each nanny didn't last long, and Virgil had heard enough horror stories about the Ackroyd boys to avoid them at all costs when he had worked in the past. Hell the only reason he still got some to come in now and then was because the job was so high paying. Mr. Ackroyd knew exactly what he was doing advertising with all those zeroes, he was reeling in any nanny who would skip talking to peers at the sight. And now by some twist of fate that very bait was dangling above Virgil, and even worse there wasn’t anyway he could feasibly afford to ignore it. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked the man in the eye, “I think it is more than a generous offer that I would be happy to accept.”

(Virgil becomes the newest nanny for his very attracti- for Logan.)

Taglist: @angels-and-dreams @ollyollyoxinfree @gattonero17 @chumo-cookie @dreaming-always @anxiety-ismy-name @mrbubbajones @janustheliar @why-do-you-care @hogwarts-my-love

Ao3 - Masterlist

One

Virgil bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming out in frustration. He crossed the room briskly once more as he wondered- not for the first time, why was even here. Quite frankly Mr. Ackroyd should have fired him on the spot, so why was he just casually in the man’s office as if nothing was wrong? Was this a test? Leave him in the office full of expensive items to see if he’d be bold enough to try and steal one? That was the only way this would make sense, he was being tested and then if he passed maybe he’d only be fired rather than being sued or jailed. If it wasn’t that then maybe he was going to be made an example of. He’d be told off both here and in front of the rest of the staff later so no one would ever fall to Virgil’s level of stupidity ever again.

Virgil’s pacing slowed to a stop as he forced himself to take a deep breath. Now that he knew the two most likely options for the situation he’d need to practice and edit his apology six- no eight more times before his boss walked in. Mr. Ackroyd didn’t often show much emotion but maybe if Virgil repeated his sorries enough one would get through to the man and he would accept that Virgil had been more than an idiot.

“Virgil.”

The sound of his name sent a shiver up his spine as he jumped in place and turned eyes wide to where Mr. Ackroyd had entered. “Ah- hello sir...”

“Sorry, did not mean to startle you,” the man said simply as he moved to sit behind his desk. “Thank you for coming in early, and do take a seat.”

Virgil’s legs felt like led but he forced them to move forward and in what felt like robotic motions he sat. When he had Mr. Ackroyd spoke, “Now there is something I’d like to speak to you about.”

“I’m so sorry about yesterday!” Virgil blurted. “I should have never even touched your things, much less tried to steal it. I am so so so sorry! If there is any way I can make up for it-”

“While I did want to talk about my watch, and the apology is appreciated I do have a few questions.”

Virgil cut himself off and tried to regain his composure, “O-of course.”

“Why did you take my watch at all?” he asked simply. “You’ve worked here for years and I have never had an issue with you, and yet randomly yesterday you do something as out of character as attempting to steal from me. I assume there must be a catalyst for this behavior? A monetary one perhaps? Or was this just a sudden change in you?”

Virgil’s mouth felt dry as it opened and closed but with a pinch to his own leg he forced himself to function enough to speak. “It was semi spur of the moment- it had never crossed my mind to do something like that ever before!  But it wasn’t me being ungrateful or anything! This job is great I just um, well I- I...” Virgil gave a sigh and let his head hang as his hands balled into fists with frustration at himself, “It-it was money related yeah... things are- are harder right now...”

“How so?”

Virgil took a deep breath trying to steel himself best he could before he spoke, his gaze on his boss’ desk rather than the man’s face. “My half sister has a kid, and she’s stuck in a really bad situation and needed her son out of it. So... so I took him in. And well great kid as he is, I’ve never had to pay for this much before. I truly am sorry.”

“And so you teach him to steal?”

“I’m sorry.”

The silence which covered the room was heavy, only broken by the sound of Mr. Ackroyd’s finger tapping on his desk which managed to increase Virgil’s heart rate more and more. But when the sound stopped entirely, Virgil couldn’t help but bring himself to look upon Mr. Ackroyd’s face. “Virgil I trust you understand I cannot have someone who steals from me cleaning my home.”

Virgil’s heart, his lungs, and everything else plummeted to his stomach with those words, and then they proceeded to keep falling until they landed at his feet, leaving Virgil with only an empty and hollow feeling. “I understand,” he replied quietly.

“As such I suppose it is a good thing that no one outside of this room knows what you have done.”

“Sir?” Virgil asked, he wouldn’t get his hopes up yet.

“I think I have a solution to both of our problems Virgil, that is if you never even consider stealing from me again.”

“Never,” Virgil said quickly.

Mr. Ackroyd gave a nod. “On your end I assume a bulk of what you make goes to different forms of child care given your early mornings at your other job and late nights here?”

When had he even mentioned to the man having a second job? “Y-yes, I pay for both before and after school.”

“I assume you have heard that my newest nanny quit?”

Virgil gave a slow and confused nod as he tried to get a read on that unchanged face, “Yes.”

“They come and go quickly,” he sighed, “My older two can be a tad unruly. But if you would like to alleviate your childcare costs and work one job rather than two, then you can become my nanny. And while caring for my boys you can also watch over your nephew. Oh and of course the salary is more than enough. What do you think?”

Truthfully Virgil was terrified at the very prospect. There was a reason each nanny didn't last long, and Virgil had heard enough horror stories about the Ackroyd boys to avoid them at all costs when he had worked in the past. Hell the only reason he still got some to come in now and then was because the job was so high paying. Mr. Ackroyd knew exactly what he was doing advertising with all those zeroes, he was reeling in any nanny who would skip talking to peers at the sight. And now by some twist of fate that very bait was dangling above Virgil, and even worse there wasn’t anyway he could feasibly afford to ignore it. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked the man in the eye, “I think it is more than a generous offer that I would be happy to accept.”

Mr. Ackryod gave a slight yet pleased smile, “Then I will see both you and your nephew here early Monday morning.”

“Y-yes sir.”

The large mansion seemed to loom over Virgil in a way it never had before, and yet all he could do was climb out his car and resist the urge to puke. There was just too much riding on a job which seemed destined to end in pitiful failure. He had been forced to quit his job at the cafe so suddenly too (not that he held any joy for that job), but if this went south quickly he had no fall back. Maybe he should start looking for new jobs when he gets home just in case?

“How long are we gonna stand here?” Janus yawned beside him.

“We’re going in now,” Virgil told him moving forward towards the door. And then before he could falter more he inserted the key he had been given in the lock and stepped in the entryway, to lock eyes with Mr. Ackroyd.

The man glanced up from the laptop in his hands before he shut it, “Twelve minutes early.”

“Good morning sir,” Virgil started awkwardly trying to resist the urge to ask how long his boss had been standing there waiting. “This is my nephew Janus. Janus, this is Mr. Ackroyd.”

“Hi,” Janus waved. “Do you have orange juice?”

“Janus.” Virgil cut in immediately, but Mr. Ackroyd gave a chuckle.

“My boys drank the last of it with breakfast. Would you like apple instead?”

“Yes please!”

He gave a nod, “Then let's get you your juice. Virgil, the twins are in their rooms, hopefully getting dressed. I’d like you to start by getting them and Patton together and then you can bring them all to school. As for how the rest of the day will go, simply return here and care for Patton and then pick the boys up from school in the afternoon. Have them do their homework until dinner, I should be back around then. As for the general both daily and weekly schedules I have shared the Outlook calendar with you so you may review it later today. Understood?”

Virgil hoped how intimidated he felt didn't show on his face. “Yes sir.”

“Then get moving.”

Virgil didn't hesitate to hurry up the stairs and head in the direction he knew, but it was the sound of laughter which drew him to one room in particular, and after a deep breath, he knocked.

“Come in!”

Upon entering Virgil knew he should’ve just looked for another job.

The room was virtually destroyed and the culprits were in the midst. The younger of the twins, Remus, was jumping on the bed swinging about a pillow and letting its tiny feathers fly around and coat the floor. Roman meanwhile spun himself and the baby around in the falling feathers causing Patton to cackle with delight. But the older two looked his way as he entered.

“Hi Virgil!” Remus yelled. “Dad said you’re our new nanny!”

“Yeah...” Virgil said slowly, still recovering from the shock. “He also says you two need to get dressed for school.”

“In a sec!” Roman replied, raising Patton over his head.

“No, now,” Virgil tried stepping into the room. “You’re going to be late if not.”

The twins paused each watching him for a moment, before they looked at each other then back to Virgil once more. “We don’t wanna go to school,” Remus said finally.

Roman nodded in agreement, “We’re gonna be homeschooled now.”

“No you’re not. Your dad said-”

“Hey Virgil, why aren't you a housekeeper anymore?” Remus asked, hopping off the bed. “I liked when you cleaned my room, I don't lose things when you clean it.”

“T-things change,” Virgil replied awkwardly. “But where are your clothes?”

Remus gave a vague gesture towards the closet, “I don't need clothes to be homeschooled. I can do it in my PJs.”

Virgil bit his tongue as he watched the two, but slowly an idea formed in his mind. “Do either of you know how homeschooling even works?”

“Yup. You get to do worksheets and hang out,” Roman answered. “We can do them while we watch TV.”

“Not exactly. We would do lectures and then worksheets for every class probably in the library all day. Given I’m not a teacher it would take longer to go over everything so the only break would be lunch. We also wouldn't have time for watching TV or for recess, and of course you can’t see your friends.”

Roman gave an awkward cough as he shoved Patton into Virgil’s arms. “Well I guess we’ll have to go to school until you learn how to teach.”

Virgil held in a sigh of relief as the two began the motions of getting ready which let him dress the Patton. But by the time he had gotten Patton to keep on his socks rather than throw them away he had heard shouting from downstairs. So with no other option he picked up the baby and followed the sound, but his anxiety grew as he heard Janus’ voice.

“Take it back!” Janus’ voice shouted and suddenly Virgil was moving much quicker.

“You first!” Roman yelled back.

“You!”

“You!”

That was the last clear word Virgil could make out, but then again words weren’t needed to explain anything when he walked in to find his nephew on top of Roman grabbing the other boy’s face. A curse escaped his mouth as he hurried forward pulling Janus away by the collar only for Roman to jump up and lunge after. He tried to position himself before the two feuding children and to think of a better solution, but with Patton having grabbed a fistful of his hair, and Remus chanting behind him for Janus to win it was kind of hard to focus on anything.

“I believe my instructions were to introduce yourselves.”

Mr. Ackroyd’s cool voice cut through the room’s chaos in an instant sending ice through Virgil’s veins. He hadn’t even managed to be a nanny for an hour and now he would be fired. He’d probably set the record.

“Are you leaving?” Remus asked like nothing was wrong.

Mr. Ackroyd studied the room for a moment before he moved closer to Roman and bent down. Taking his son’s face in his hands. “I am. But more importantly, Roman I see no reason to continue to pay for you to take karate if you get hit in the face.”

“It's his fault not mine!” Roman said at the same time Remus unhelpfully added,

“I didn’t get hit! And Sensei said I can get a new belt soon.”

“Flying up the ranks are you?” Mr. Ackroyd smiled at him as he stood and moved over to Janus and squatted down to the boy’s height. “Can you tell me why you hit Roman?”

As Virgil released his nephew’s collar, Janus moved a step behind Virgil before he answered the question, “He... he said my name was an old lady’s.”

The man gave a hum, “I see. Now while that was a mean thing for him to say, using your fists won't fix the issue. You need to use your words, okay?”

Janus gave a nod, “Okay... sorry.”

“Not to him,” Virgil put in. “And you need to say what for.”

Janus gave a frown but even so he turned to Roman, “Sorry for hitting you.”

“Roman?”

The older twin crossed his arms and looked anywhere but at Janus’ face, “S...sorry for making fun of your name.”

“Good,” Mr. Ackroyd nodded. “Now give me a hug so I can go to work. And Virgil before you leave, be sure to grab Roman an ice pack.”

Virgil gave a nod of bewilderment and disbelief, “Yes sir.”

While Roman and Janus didn’t seem to get along from the outset, somehow not long after getting in the car, Remus and Janus had decided they were now some of the closest friends. Not that Virgil would complain of course, if they were getting along that was good for him, even if Roman sat in a moody silence for a while. But said silence broke when Janus had been dropped off. It wasn’t ten seconds after the driver had pulled off that he spoke to his twin, “Why’d you take his side?”

Virgil looked behind him at the sound of Roman’s voice in time for Remus to give a shrug. “He’s fun.”

“He hit me!”

“And that was your fault.”

Virgil was about to let them bicker and talk things out amongst themselves when Remus’ appearance caught his eye. “Remus that’s not your uniform tie.”

Remus nodded in agreement, “It’s fish shaped.”

“I can see that, but you’re supposed to wear the one that goes with your uniform.”

“That one is boring.” He looked between Virgil and the strange tie (why did kids even need to wear ties?). “Do you not like it?”

“It’s certainly... different. But I think you should wear the other one.”

“But I wanna show my friends this one.”

“Then you can take it out when you get to school. For now please change it.”

Remus gave a groan and sunk in his seat, but ultimately the nine year old did as he was told.

~~~

After the chaotic start to the morning, the mansion seemed so quiet and calm when Virgil returned. He half expected chaos to descend as the time wore on, but caring for Patton wasn't as hard as he had anticipated. The ten month old was not only adorable but he was pretty good in the sense that he didn’t really seem to cry or complain. He simply played with his little toys and babbled at Virgil (who took multiple pictures and videos to send to Mr. Ackroyd). He had been nervous at first. His only experience having taken care of a baby being those off times his sister had dropped Janus off for a night. But he had made it through the day without anything going wrong. So of course it did in the car.

He and the driver had gone and picked up Janus without issue. He had climbed in the car and instantly began talking about his day in the loudest voice he dared so not to wake Patton. It all seemed fine, until they picked up the twins.

“All day all I got were people asking me what happened to my eye!” Roman whined. “And it’s your fault!”

Janus gave him a bored look as he gestured to the scar on his face, “You get used to it.”

If the shouting which ensued was any clue, Roman didn’t care for Janus’ statement. Virgil was half turned around in the front seat as he tried to beg them to quiet down, but it was too late as Patton woke up, bursting into tears as he did. Not that the older three children seemed to notice. They carried on yelling at one another and reaching across the seats to grab a hold of one another.

“That’s enough!” Virgil interjected. “You two need to-”

“I need to kick him!” Roman interrupted.

Janus stuck out his tongue in reply, “And then I’ll kick you back three times as hard!”

“Oh yeah? Then I'll punch you!”

“I’ll just-”

“Shut up!” The harsh and loud words were out of Virgil’s mouth before he could stop them but he certainly didn’t regret it. “Roman,” he started firmly. “You will get along with Janus. And Janus you will get along with-”

“But he-”

“I don't care and I don’t want to hear it! I’m not asking for your opinions, I'm telling you what’s going to happen. The three of you are going to get along without fighting and arguing how starting right now. This pointlessness has already cost you all your electronic privileges for the evening, and if it continues more things will be taken away.” He paused and looked in each of their eyes before he spoke again. “Is that clear?”

Three identical looks of confusion and surprise stared at Virgil before each of the boys mumbled an agreement and after some probing an apology too. When they had Virgil gave a satisfied nod, “Roman calm Patton.”

“Where do you two usually do your homework?” Virgil asked after the twins had changed.

“Wherever we want,” Remus shrugged. “Can we do it in-”

“You can do it in the library,” Virgil decided for them. “Do you all have lots of homework?”

“Lots of reading,” Roman groaned as they walked. “And the book is bad!”

“Then read it quickly.”

“That’s not how it works!”

“Are you sure?”

“Uncle Virgil will you help with my fractions again?” Janus asked him. “I still don’t get it. I don’t like it either.”

Virgil gave a slight smile as he ruffled Janus’ hair. “Of course I’ll help.”

Homework time went surprisingly well. It seemed since Virgil’s outburst in the car the boys were trying to be on their best behavior. But he wouldn’t complain about that. Instead he gave the boys help on anything they needed while he ate crackers and bounced Patton in his lap.

“This is the quietest I think homework time has ever been.”

At the sound of his voice everyone turned to see Mr. Ackroyd. There was a pause before Roman was out of his seat and hurrying to give his father a hug. “You’re home early!”

“I am,” he smiled hugging his son. “My meeting was moved until tomorrow. So I’m here early.” When Roman didn’t release him, he awkwardly maneuvered to the table to pull Remus in for a hug as well. “How were they?” He directed at Virgil.

Virgil paused, “They were... they were good. Especially Patton.”

Mr. Ackroyd gave a laugh as his boys released him and he reached for the baby. “For some reason, I wasn’t particularly concerned about him.”

“How were they, really ?” Mr. Ackroyd asked as he walked Janus and Virgil to the door.

Virgil gave a slight smile, “Well today was certainly chaotic , but I managed. It took me losing my temper though.”

“And that’s fine. I find my previous nannies were afraid to be stern with the boys. In one day you have found that doesn’t work. As such you have already exceeded my expectations.”

“Um, thank you sir.”

He nodded once, “Tomorrow we can talk in more detail for now enjoy your evening.”

“You too. See you tomorrow sir.”

“Logan,” he said simply. “We’ll be working closer together now.”

“Oh, um are you sure?”

“I’m the one who suggested it.”

Virgil looked down slightly in embarrassment, “Right. Um okay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Oh, and you may call me by my name too Janus.”

Janus gave a smile and wave as they walked out, “Bye Logan!”

~~~~

One - Two

[thelittlequeerpumpkinwitch]

Oh, for the ship ask, how about 💖 and 😒 for roloceit?

Hello this came out absurdly long. Also I started, stopped, and forgot this twice because I had to go out for dinner, and then the new Asides dropped.

💖- How do each of them feel about pet names?

I think it goes without saying that Roman is just about the biggest fan of pet names and quirky nicknames there is. He probably dedicates an entire journal to lists of nicknames for each of the sides, and makes little marks and notes to indicate which ones got particularly strong reactions. This one made Janus laugh, use again. Logan was frustrated he didn't understand this one, do not use. He's a dork, is what I'm saying.

Janus gets a lot of snake and scale themed nicknames still because Roman actually thinks his scales are lovely and wants him to know that, always. References to musicals, plays, and mythology are common place in his nicknames. Space themed nicknames are Roman's favorite for Logan, because they're romantic and fit so well, and he loves when Logan reacts to a new nickname in a way that lets him go off on a passionate ramble where he compares him to the sun and the stars until Logan is beet red and mumbling for him to please have mercy and stop his gay heart can't take this?? His nicknames are often themed around novels, sci-fi, science, and also mythology. Roman will also add specific references to Logan's current hyper fixation.

When it comes to simpler, more common terms of endearment Roman's favorites are things like my love, my treasure, my heart, my muse. Sweet and classic, and letting his loves know in a casual way that they're important and beloved and invaluable to him. As for being called pet names? Roman loves it. He's weak for being given affection in any form, honestly, but pet names give him this warm wobbly feeling in his heart. Janus's casual endearment, like loving Roman just comes so naturally and effortlessly to him, makes him melt. Logan's carefully curated nicknames, that he puts so much thought and effort into because nicknames don't come naturally to him but he loves his boyfriends so much that he wants to try anyway, always leave him beaming.

Janus is the second biggest fan of pet names here, because of course he is - he's just as much of a dramatic flirty theatre boy as Roman is. His arsenal of affectionate nicknames is smaller than Roman's, because he doesn't really plan them out like Roman often does. He'll make them up on the spot most of the time, just say whatever comes naturally at the moment. He's made up plenty of little situational nicknames that are almost forgotten as soon as that situation passes, until he says it again like four months later and it immediately reminds Roman or Logan of that exact situation and they start yelling (affectionately). He has a set of favorite nicknames for each of the sides, though, that he uses most often. Roman is his Prince Charming, his Braveheart, his ... terms themed around royalty, bravery, creativity, and charm. Janus is good at this, I am not. Logan can expect to be flustered with My Starlight and My Night Sky fairly often, and also Sherlock Holmes and references to his curiosity, because Janus finds that particularly endearing about him.

Janus's favorite pet name is darling and he uses it constantly, but he can also frequently sprinkle in terms like my beloved, my sweet, dearest, dear, dove. A lot of classic and sweet nicknames, which again, he uses often because terms of endearment just kind of come naturally to him. As for being called pet names, he's fond of it, and certain ones can fluster him, which his boyfriends love. Mostly he enjoys the simple reminder that he's cared for.

Logan's thoughts on pet names are a bit more complex but hey, he's a complex side. He's not good at nicknames, and he admits this. He's not that much better at terms of endearment in general, really. That kind of thing doesn't come as naturally to him, and he tends to express his affection in other ways. He knows, though, that Roman & Janus both enjoy them, so he does make the effort to use them every once in awhile, to cheer them up or just to see them smile. Because he thinks he's bad at them, Logan puts a lot of thought and genuine research into a nickname before he'll use it, because he wants it to be accurate and expressive and liked. Roman & Janus appreciate the effort he puts into them, especially because he doesn't really have to.

Logan always considered himself fairly neutral on the idea of nicknames and pet names, maybe even leaning towards dislike. He has a perfectly acceptable name and there's no reason not to use it, thank you. But that changed pretty fast when Roman & Janus started flirting with him. It flustered him for awhile, because there's a world of difference between pet names and the kind of mocking nicknames he's used to, but once they're all together they just kind of ... make him feel a bit warm and fuzzy.

😒- Who is more protective/gets jealous more easily?

Well, I can tag Logan right as the least protective and prone to jealousy. Not that he isn't protective at all, because he can and will shutdown anyone upsetting his boyfriends, but he has confidence that they can handle themselves and he's pretty good at being level-headed when he's not, you know, angry. He doesn't get jealous often and when he does it's mostly that insecure type of jealousy where he turns it in on himself.

Janus is very protective once he's attached to someone, and obviously his boyfriends are at the top of his list of attachments. He's protective in the way that he won't let anyone talk shit about them, only he can do that, how dare they? And he's very protective of like ... their excitement? If something is really important to them, Janus will bend over backwards to make sure no one else fucks it up, or he'll ruin their lives. He's like ... moderately prone to jealousy? He doesn't particularly like anyone outside of the circle flirting with his boys, and if he spots it he'll usually sweep in and out-flirt the offender and offer some scathing sarcasm and passive-aggression. Sometimes he gets caught up in the fear of being pushed out again and left alone, and he gets snappy and defensive.

Roman is a lot more protective in the physical ways. He's the one that would start a fist fight in public because someone got handsy with Logan or said something especially nasty to Janus. If someone or something is a threat to either of them? Roman will throw down at a moments notice. He'd take a bullet for them, but he's also definitely jumped in front of frisbees and tackled a wild Remus for them. Jealousy ... that's a bit of an issue for him. We all know his self esteem is in tatters, and that can get in his head and in the way of his relationships. He can caught up worrying that Logan & Janus love each other more than they love him, or that they're interesting in someone else and want to replace him, and why wouldn't they, he's so easily replicable-- Roman has definitely cried over his jealousy before, and him starting fights because of it is definitely a bit of a problem early in the relationship, though it is one that's eventually dealt with because of healthy communication and also therapy.

Uh, final verdict is Janus is the most protective but Roman is the most insecure, and Logan loves these fools.

BONUS HEADCANON.

Logan & Roman both own an absurd, insane amount of notebooks and journals dedicated to a vast variety of topics, including nicknames and relationships and random interests. Janus finds it such an amusing thing for them to have in common, and starts keeping a little relationship journal of his own where he keeps notes of all the little things and moments that made him think "wow, I love this person" and presented it to them on their anniversary. They loved it.