#Some people went to the mall with the intention of shopping and ended up dead

[dreamescapeswriting]

Trust In Me ~ PJM [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.2K

PAIRING: Jimin x reader

GENRE: established-relationship, angst, fluffy ending, mentions of family and being raised by grandparents instead of mother

As you walked down the staircase of your house you placed earrings into your ears, calling out for Jimin to come out.

"Jimin, we're going to be late if we don't leave right now." You cried out as you walked into the living room to find him standing there in his practice clothes. Frowning at him you looked him up at down, today was supposed to be the day he had managed to get off work.

"I thought you got the day off," You whined slipping your shoes on as you looked at him. Jimin felt his stomach begin to churn as he looked at you and lied. Right to your face.

"I got called in again."

"But it's my Grandmothers 90th birthday...We were going to the meal." You reminded him, he had promised you weeks ago that he had gotten the day off and was going to be there.

"I got busy Y/n, I'm sorry." he walked towards you but you ignored his attempt at a hug. All it seemed as of late was that he was busy. Hardly home, always out until late hours of the morning and when he was home he was acting odd. Jittery whenever you asked him how his day had been, on edge whenever you told him that you were going to clean up the house. It felt as though he was hiding something. But you and Jimin had been together for almost 6 years, there was no way he would do something stupid. 

That you knew of.

"I know baby, I'll make it up to you," He promised as he attempted to reach for you but you moved away from him. Grabbing your bag and looking around for your car keys.

"You've been saying that for weeks Jimin" You knew you were probably overreacting. You knew what his lifestyle was like. You had been living it for the last six years but that didn't make it easier. 

"I'll make sure Seojun is following you." He told you as he looked outside. The world knew about your relationship which meant you travelled almost everywhere with a personal guard. Seojun was there to make sure you weren't trampled by paparazzi or Sassengs in the street. There wasn't anyone out there right now but he knew it wouldn't be long until someone was around.

"Thanks." You mumbled turning to leave when he took your hand in his, pulling you closer to him so that you were chest to chest with one another.

"You can't forget this." He placed a gift bag into your hand. The present you had gotten for Grandmas birthday. Something that the two of you had been planning on giving her for almost nine months.

"This is from both of us. I can't give it to her without you." You looked into the bag at the wrapped-up box and Jimin sighed.

"She'll know I'm sorry." Without a word to him, you walked out of the house with the bag. Climbing into the car more pissed off than ever that Jimin would leave you to go to a function like this alone. 

Jimin stood watching you leave and biting down on his lip. It was never his intention to hurt you but this was something he had to do in secrecy. Grabbing his phone scrolling through until he found the name, "Seojun 2" and pressed the call.

"Can you meet me at the house?" He questioned as soon as the other line picked up.

"Sure. Shall I order pizza for when we're done?" An excited female voice asked as she got happy to hear Jimin calling her so early in the morning.

"Of course how could I ever say no when you get so excited like this?" He chuckled grabbing his bag and keys before heading out to his own car. Throwing a bag into the boot before climbing into the front seat, 

"Make sure you bring protection this time, I'm not having a repeat of last time. We got in such a mess!" She grumbled at him as she began to think back on all of their times together. 

"It wasn't my fault we were in the mess." Jimin scoffed as he began to start up the car and put his phone onto the stand, 

"I think you'll find that it was your fault. You're so messy," She complained,

"I never hear you complain until the next time we see each other. I'll see you soon. Make sure you're ready, I want to start right away." He laughed before getting ready to end the phone call,

"So eager Mr Park."

"Only for you." He teased playfully. Hanging up and beginning his slow drive.

"Happy birthday Grandma," You whispered as you walked into the small restaurant your family was hosting in. A small family-run restaurant that had been in the mall for almost 12 years. Your whole family had been going there for years, your grandmother insisting that it was the only restaurant she would ever eat inside of.

"Thank you, dear," She looked behind you and you knew what she was looking for. Grandma happened to be Jimin's number one fan.

"He couldn't make it." You whispered as you put the gift bag down onto the table of other gifts and looked back at Granny who seemed to be upset.

"Why?" 

"Because he had other things to do." You shrugged it off giving her a quick peck on the cheek before going to find you both a drink. 

The truth was you had no idea where Jimin was. It seemed that he was always busy lately and it was beginning to bother you. You had no idea what he was so busy with. There was no comeback coming up and they weren't filming any dancing videos for their channel.

"Your grandfather used to get like that whenever he was hiding something." Your mother's voice sounded from beside you. Anger boiled up inside of you as soon as she felt the need to insert herself in your business when she was never really much of a mother anyway. Not to you at least.

"He isn't hiding anything." You hissed at your mother. She'd never liked you and Jimin together. She never liked you with anybody now that you came to think about it.

"All I'm saying is, he's a very handsome young man. He could have anybody he wanted." She smirked at you, you knew what she was thinking. The moment you had bought him to meet your grandmother your mother had begun flirting with Jimin. Doing anything she could to get his eyes on her.

"Thanks, mum." You grumbled sarcastically before walking away to go and join your grandmother who was opening her gifts. Your brother begging to go first as she picked up an envelope.

"That one's from me!" Your brother yelled excited as your grandmother began to tear it open, frowning and staring over at him as she slowly pulled out what was inside.

"Retirement home flyers?!" You cried out looking from the flyers and back to him as he nodded his head clearly proud at what he had gotten her. 

"Granny needs somewhere she can live," Granny wasted no time in rolling the papers up and smacking him with them playfully until he pulled out a small box.

"This is your real one," He whined as he gave her the box. She pulled it open, 

"It's Granddads old medals. I had them polished and cleaned." She began to tear up before hugging him tightly. Practically making his eyes pop out from his head as she thanked him over and over again.

"Mine next," You whispered pushing the box towards her. Something you had been keeping quiet for months, scared in case she hated it.

"It's from me and Jimin,"

"Who isn't here," Your mother laughed before your brother jabbed her in the side.

"Shut up and sit down. I don't see you with a date either." Grandma shut her up, taking the box from you carefully and smiling up at you. 

Pulling the box open she began to tear up once again, tears beginning to roll down her face as she saw the snowglobe sitting there. 

"A snowglobe for your collection," You smiled as you picked it up to show her that there was a small model of her old home. The one you had spent most of your life growing up inside of. 

"Y/n how did you do this?" Your brother gasped as he moved closer to get a better look at the house. It was almost an exact replica, all it was missing was the porch swings.

"I found someone online who can make custom globes, Jimin and I went to the old house we got pictures." You explained as you shook the snowglobe for your grandmother.

"It's still standing?" She gasped looking up at you with widened eyes.

"Barely. It was practically withering away while we were there but the artist managed to capture everything it used to look like." You smiled remembering the day you took Jimin. It was almost 9 months ago, the two of you went for a road trip to go and find it, You'd almost cried seeing it so dishevelled and abandoned. The inside was terrible with broken glass on the floor, burnt flooring. The inside joinery was exposed and all of the wiring and copper had been stolen. You and Jimin had sat together for a few hours talking about how much the place meant to you and how much you wished you could have saved it.

"This is amazing, thank you." She left a giant kiss on your cheek and you smiled as she began shaking it and showing it off to anyone that was looking at her. Like a child on Christmas.

"I'm glad you like it, I'll text Jimin." You smiled before going to go and find a drink which you had intended to do before. 

Sitting by the window you looked out at the people that were doing their shopping. The party seemed to be dragging by slowly since Jimin wasn't with you to help lighten the mood up a little.

"You're daydreaming." Grandma laughed as she fed you some more mozzarella sticks. Practically piling your plate higher each time. She claimed that you never ate enough when she was around and would always give you more food than you could possibly ever handle. 

"Sorry, are you enjoying your birthday?" You questioned as you looked at her, she nodded her head. The whole family seemed to have spoiled her, which she truly deserved for everything she had done in her lifetime. 

"It's been fun besides your mother, I swear she thinks I'm suddenly going to drop down dead." Your mother had been questioning her about the will all day. It came as no surprise that she only came around sniffing for money.

"Nope, you're going to live until 190," You teased as she shook her head at you. Taking your hands in hers and squeezing them softly making you look at her as she took on a serious look.

"You were always my favourite." You shook your head and scoffed at her,

"Granny..." You said slowly hoping that no one around you was listening to the conversation.

"I'm serious...When I do go everything will be going to you Including the silver. Make sure you hide that from your auntie Gina." She grumbled looking over at Gina who was eyeing up some of the gifts at the table. She was always sly about it but things magically disappeared whenever she was around. 

"What about mum?"

"What about her? She gets nothing." You sighed before looking back out of the window. Your grandmother had practically raised you in that old house while your mother did nothing but party and not come home until 4 am only to sleep until 4 pm and start all over again. 

"What about my brother-" You stopped yourself from speaking when you caught a glimpse of someone in the distance. It looked like Jimin. 

"He gets to have Grandpas stuff, he always loved to look at it." You nodded as you continued to look over at the couple walking around together. Arms linked and ice cream in their hands. It couldn't have been Jimin. 

Could it? 

"I'm going to get some air," You whispered as you excused yourself from the restaurant and headed out of the door. Keeping your head down just in case it was Jimin. 

"What are we doing?" Seojun asked as he finished off the slice of cake he was chewing. The family had been feeding him mass amounts of food since he had been standing by the door for most of the duration of the party.

"Going to see if that's Jimin," You whispered looking up at him as you pointed over near a shop. It was like his whole demeanour changed as he stared over in the direction you had pointed in. 

"Seojun?" You questioned when you noticed how weird he seemed to be.

"It's not him." He mumbled,

"You barely even looked."

"It's not him." He told you again as he tried to usher you back to the restaurant but you got out of his grasp.

"I'll go over there myself and see-" You didn't need to go over yourself, the girl began laughing loudly and you turned to look. Jimin was standing there, the small tattoo on his left wrist a giveaway that it was him. The date of your anniversary was tattooed there. 

"Y/n! We have more cake!" Your grandmother yelled from the door but you felt too sick to move. Everything was still going over in your head. Did you confront him now or later?

"You should do this later Miss Y/l/n, you don't want to ruin the party," Seojun whispered as he began to pull you into the house. Frantically texting Jimin to alert him that you had seen him out with another woman. The other woman he had been hiding from you.

When Jimin walked through the door that night he expected you to be asleep. That maybe you had calmed down from everything you had seen earlier but he couldn't have been more wrong. You were sitting and waiting for him surrounded by cups of coffee. It was clear you had decided to wait up for a long time for him.

"Where have you been? And don't lie to me because I asked the boys." He swallowed the lump in his throat. Maybe there was a chance that he could get away with all of this.

"I was out with a friend,"

"A girl?" You questioned. Not angry that he was with someone else but angry that he felt the need to lie to you about it.

"Yes. She's just a friend." You got up and walked over to the cupboard. Pulling out an overnight bag and throwing it down onto the floor. If she was a friend then why did he have clothes packed up in a bag, looking as though he was planning to leave you?

"A friend you sleepover with at an undisclosed location?" You pulled the bag to show him everything that you had found inside of the bag. 

"Y/n, it's not what it looks like." He stuttered out as you began to show him everything that was in the bag.

"So you just have spare underwear and clothes packed up for nothing?"

"It's not what you think it is, she's just a friend." He assured you trying to reach out to touch you but you backed away from him.

"If lies keep spewing from those lips then I am walking out of that door." You said coldly before kicking the bag towards him. Jimin sighed looking down at the bag and then up at you. It was time for him to come clean with you but there was no way you were going to believe him unless he showed you.

"Let me prove it...Let me show you where I've been doing, what I've been doing." You looked at him before nodding.

A quiet and agonizingly slow car ride later and you were standing at the house. The house you had grown up in. 

"What are we doing here?" You questioned looking over at the house and then to Jimin who got out. The house was still falling apart except now there seemed to be a giant skip outside with rubbish inside of it.

"Follow me." He whispered not wanting to wake anyone else up on the street. It was almost 3 in the morning no one wanted to be woken up.

Following after him, you frowned as he walked into the house. Although the outside of the house was still falling apart the inside was all-new. The exposed walls were patched up, fresh paint all over the walls. Furniture in the place it had been in when you were younger. New flooring was put down to replace the burnt patches that had been left by squatters.

"I've been doing this...I wanted it to be a surprise for you but you saw me so I had to show you." He told you as he walked further into the house showing that everything was as you remembered it to be. A fireplace was put in place where your Grandmother used to sit and read you bedtime stories. 

"I got everything from old images you'd shown me. Your brother gave me old photo albums so I could match everything." You were tearing up as you walked around the house. Everything looked to be exactly the same as your childhood home.

"The second floor isn't finished yet, Sooyoung and I were going to get started on it." The name of the girl he had been with, you turned to look at him.

"Sooyoung?"

"The girl you saw me with. She's Seojun's sister, she's a decorator." Your mouth formed an 'O' as you looked around at everything. Seojun had told you about his sister almost a million times but you'd never seen her before.

"Jimin this is perfect,"

"I wanted you to have everything you wanted...I know how much this place meant to you." Saying nothing you walked into his arms and hugged him tightly, kissing his chest. You couldn't believe you let your head run to the fact that he would cheat on you. Jimin would never hurt you and you knew that.

"I'm sorry I called you a liar."

"I'm sorry I hid it from you...I wanted it to be a surprise." He laughed weakly as he rubbed his hand up and down your back. Kissing the top of your head softly,

"I trust you Jimin. I really do...I was just scared. You'd been so busy and then mum said you could have whoever you wanted." He knew your mum would have something to do with the way you reacted so he shook his head. Promising you that everything was okay.

"I only want you." He whispered leaning down to kiss your lips softly. The start of the rest of your lives was going to happen in a house you had always dreamed of owning.

"This is our place?"

"It will be when we finish on the top floor. We have to way for a contractor to come out for that though." You smiled at him, kissing him once again. You were never going to get tired of kissing his perfect lips.

"Thank you Jimin, this is...This is the best surprise you could have ever given to me," He smiled down at you before bringing you into a real kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you deeper as you jumped up into his arms.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @taeechwitaa​ @justbangtanthingz​ @stillwithlix​

[dearcat1]

Hi there! I absolutely adore Xanxu's parenting adventures, but I could only find 8 & 9. Is there a tag I can check out for the others? Sorry for the bother, super excited to read it! Thank you for writing it!

Screw it hahaha that tag is not working no matter what I do about it. I'm just going to post everything that's already published here. So: sorry about the long post.

And for anybody who's interested in reading it, I'm putting the next ones under "parenting adventures au". That should be a better tag.

I hope you like it! I meant for it to be cute.

[Xanxus’s terrible bad day]

Part 1 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures

Xanxus does not, in any way shape or form, appreciate mad scientists. He spits out the blood, cleaning up the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. The other hand keeping a tight grip on his remaining x-gun. Irritated, he just keeps glaring at the toddler whimpering in front of him. 

Seriously?

What the fuck!

How is this even his life, Xanxus doesn't know but he demands a fucking raise. And all the goddam alcohol. All of it. Every single fucking drop.

This is ridiculous. The enemy is dead and even Xanxus feels a little uncomfortable with the amount of blood and dead bodies surrounding a two-year-old. Or what looks like a two-year-old, in Xanxus rather uninformed opinion. 

Brat picks himself up, eyes still watery and then… oh no, oh no, no, no. He makes grabby hands at Xanxus. Xanxus sneers, uncomfortable but the newly miniaturized Sawada just pouts stubbornly, stumbling on wet sticky blood as he tries to make his way to the older Sky. 

Xanxus's reaction is pure instinct. He lunges forward, grabs the kid by the back of his overly large hoodie and pulls him up. Brat settles on Xanxus's hip, tiny face hidden against Xanxus's shoulder and the Wrath stands there, feeling more than a little awkward. 

Alright, then, he thinks. Fuck it. So an armful of mini-mini-Sawada in one arm, a gun in the other hand. Base full of dead people who are either already dead or soon to be. Because Xanxus is through like that. 

Clearing his throat, Xanxus hoists the brat up a little more and stalks out of the room. Cleaning up the base is easy enough, finding Byakuran's little note on the desk should be more of a surprise than it is. 

"Have fun on your vacation! You can bond now ~ :3"

Right, Xanxus needs a raise, all the alcohol, and a marshmallow enthusiast killing season. 

[Cabin by the sea]

Part 2 of Xanxus's Parenting Adventures

Finding the little cabin by the sea is easy enough with the handy map the marshmallow freak left for them. Mini-mini-Sawada is a surprisingly obedient toddler so Xanxus is still uncomfortable but at least he isn't deaf from crying fits. 

The only time the brat had cried, it had been silent sad tears that managed to make Xanxus feel like an ass when the brat confessed to being hungry. 

Note to self: brats need food. 

So Xanxus had settled in in the little cabin, laid the brat down on the smaller bed for the night and thrown himself to his own bed, intent on waiting this shit out. 

Except that he'd been woken up in the middle of the night by a toddler sneaking into his bed and now Xanxus can't sleep because mini-mini-Sawada is tiny. As in smaller than Xanxus's chest tiny and Xanxus is not a good man, he's not a kind man. 

But there's a toddler sleeping on his chest, all trust and far too delicate limbs and Xanxus finds himself terrified of falling asleep because what if when he does, he moves and crushes the little brat under him? Then the brat would suffocate and die. 

And yes, Xanxus could, potentially, just pick up the brat and return him to his own bed. But what if he doesn't wake up the next time the brat sneaks in? Because if Xanxus has learned something these last couple of days is that mini-mini-Sawada might be mellow but he also has a stubborn bone that won't be reasoned with.

In the end, Xanxus ends up staying awake all night, staring at the ceiling with a hand keeping the toddler in place, just in case he rolls over and falls to his death or something. He waits until the hour changes from absolutely ridiculous to marginally decent to leave the bed.

Doing stuff with a toddler on his arm is easier now that he has practice, his morning routine is no different. It's just when he reaches the point of taking a shower that he finds himself at a loss. They stink, they need to wash. Xanxus has no idea how to clean a brat and he's pretty sure that toddlers don't wash themselves. 

Xanxus looks longingly at his phone and snarls, ignoring mini-Tsunayoshi stirring in his arm. "Fucking dimension without YouTube. What the fuck."

[Watery warfare]

Part 3 of Xanxus's Parenting Adventures

Xanxus decides on the bathtub for practicality. It seems like a bath would be easier to handle with a toddler than a shower. Especially a sleepy, clingy toddler. Except that the second Xanxus set the brat down, brat went absolutely fucking insane. 

Watching bemusedly as the brat slaps the water around, Xanxus ignores the mess it's making on the floor and chuckles. "Yeah? Show it who's the boss, shitty brat." 

Tsunayoshi just screams louder, cackling like a maniac.

"Yeah, yeah." Shrugging, Xanxus sits down on the tub, ready to wash himself. He'll clean up mini-mini-Sawada after.

Mini-mini-Sawada has other ideas, however. As soon as Xanxus settles down, the toddler reaches for him and Xanxus helps him sit beside him, lest he falls down and drowns. "What? I thought you were in the middle of a war, trash. Can't just abandon that, you know?" 

The toddler just sticks his fingers in the shampoo Xanxus has just poured into his hand.

"No, that's not for you." Xanxus rolls his eyes, scrubbing his hair and ignoring mini-Tsunayoshi watching him curiously. Ok, so maybe Xanxus might be developing a bit of a soft spot for the toddler. Maybe. It's just… the brat's flames might still be dormant at this age but that doesn't change the fact that whatever is still there… it resonates with Xanxus. 

And that's a relief. It is, because it means that Xanxus might not be Timoteo's but he's still Vongola enough for this. Besides, the resonance helped Xanxus get over his initial 'ew, baby' aversion and is probably the reason the brat was so quick to trust Xanxus.

He wonders if it'll translate to the grown Sawada, once he returns. 

There's just something about mini-mini-Sawada, so small, so breakable and so trusting, that makes Xanxus feel a little protective.

[Shopping trip]

Part 4 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures

It takes Xanxus about a week to concede that this won't be a quick matter. Which means that they need clothes. Xanxus could, in theory, keep washing his uniform daily and it wouldn't be a problem. Except he's fucking tired of doing laundry and the brat can't keep wearing the same oversized hoodie for days on end. 

He turns to look at mini-mini-Sawada, who is curled up in Bester's flank, fast asleep, and sighs. It seems they're going shopping.

Which is easier said than done. Unearthing the wad of cash and credit card the marshmallow freak left behind is easy enough, taking mini-mini-Sawada is easy as well. As long as Xanxus doesn't put him down, they're alright. 

No, the issue comes from the clerk who is watching Xanxus like he's wondering whether he should seek the police on him for kidnapping. But Xanxus is still a Sky, no matter that he doesn't do the polite charming shit that Tsunayoshi and Cavallone are so fond of. 

"We had a little accident," Xanxus shrugs, gruff. "He needs clothes." 

Still, the clerk seems unsure until mini-mini-Sawada straightens in Xanxus's hold to point at something in the store. "Ansus! Beste! Look, Beste!" 

Bester, Xanxus knows, is back in his box but he turns to look all the same. He takes a good look at the white cat plushie and laughs. "Yeah, that's Bester alright."

Ignoring the now bemused clerk, Xanxus makes his way to that rack and offers Mini-Tsunayoshi the plushie. The toddler grabs it instantly, cuddling it to his chest and Xanxus snorts, catching a look at bath toys down the ail. Well, fuck it. They're spending Byakuran's money anyway, might as well treat themselves.

"Come on, you need ammunition for your next bath."

It is entirely possible that Xanxus got a little shopping happy but he gives about zero shits, the tiny shirt with a printed 'Mini-Boss' on it is Xanxus's absolute favourite. 

He buys his own clothes quickly and makes a bee-line for the cabin, mini-mini-Sawada cheerfully waving goodbye to the shopping mall.

[Nap]

Part 5 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures

What the fuck, Xanxus thinks, bemusedly. It should have been fine. The weather had been nice and the cabin has a nice piece of beach right there so Xanxus had taken the brat out and yes, maybe, Xanxus took advantage of the nice weather to take a nice nap.

But it should have been fine, Bester had been napping with the brat. Covered by the shade. And the brat never wanders off anyway. Bester would have woken Xanxus up if something had happened or handled it himself.

And yet, here they are. 

Xanxus wakes up to find Tsunayoshi sitting next to a hole, definitely of Bester’s making and lapping the water from it? 

He has questions, Xanxus has so many questions. 

First, how did they get water inside the hole? Where does this water come from? Also, why? Bester looks too damn proud of himself, Xanxus adores him but right now, he’s not sure he trusts the liger. Tsunayoshi laps the water again, makes a disgusted face and repeats. “What the fuck?”

Laughing helplessly, Xanxus stands up, patting the sand off of his clothes. “What are you doing, you little shit?” He picks mini-Tsunayoshi up, settling him on his hip.

The brat tries to reach for Bester, “juice?”

“No,” Xanxus chortles, gesturing for Bester to follow. “That’s not juice, trash. That’s seawater at best. What the fuck.”

“Fuck!”

“Shit,” Xanxus picks up their stuff with their other hand and makes his way back inside the cabin to hunt down some juice. “Your parents are going to lose their shit over that, aren’t they?” Toddlers usually don’t use curse words, he knows that much. Then, he remembers that the father in question is fucking Iemitsu and shrugs it off.

[Tuna-fishy]

Part 6 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures

They get returned to their original universe about 4 months in, to them at least. It looks like they’ve been gone for barely a week on their own. Xanxus doesn’t care about that, he’s more concentrated on the strained little smile Byakuran is sending to mini-mini-Sawada. 

“What!?” Xanxus snaps, ignoring the toddler’s face hidden against his neck. Brat is shy, that’s all.

“Aaah, yes,” Byakuran shifts uncomfortably, sending a bemused look Xanxus’s way before looking back down to Sawada. “That wasn’t part of the plan?”

“Are you fucking asking?” Xanxus ignores mini-mini-Sawada trying to share his crumpled snack and twitches, debating the virtues of calling Bester or seeking his elements on this moron. 

Iemitsu, apparently, decides that’s his moment to shine. Bastard has been starry-eyed since the second he caught sight of the toddler in Xanxus’s arms. And no, Xanxus is, in no way, shape or form, annoyed by this. The consigliere steps forward, big goofy smile on his face, “Tuna-fishy! Come to papa!”

And mini-Tsunayoshi loses his shit, loses it completely. As in loud screams and tears and a grip hard enough on Xanxus’s shirt that the Wrath wonders for a second whether he’ll rip it. Xanxus reacts on instinct because he’s been looking after this tiny brat for months now.

He shifts his weight to put distance between his toddler and the idiotic blonde and points his gun directly between the asshole’s eyes. His elements react with him, of course, and Xanxus finds himself bracketed between Squalo and Lussuria, all traces of humour lost. 

“What the fuck, trash?” The question is met with silence but all of them saw the way the toddler’s mostly dormant flames recoiled from the man. 

Byakuran steps forward, hands up in placation. “Now, now, no need for this.” He lays a restraining hand on Sawada’s shoulder, “I do believe it might be sweet Tsuna’s nap time?”

Xanxus takes the out, pivoting from his spot but not holstering his gun until he makes it all the way to the car. The brat is still making his best impression of a limpet and Xanxus sighs, cleaning some of the tears off the kid’s face. 

“Fuck, Ansus,” the brat mutters sadly into the fabric of his plushie.

“Yeah, yeah, what the fuck.”

Somewhere in the background, Lussuria coos.

[Apple Slices]

Part 7 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures.

Xanxus wakes up with a tiny brat nestled on his stomach and Bester stretched out by his side. Right. He starts the morning routine without thinking much about it before he remembers that they’re not in the little cabin by the beach anymore. 

And by remembers, he means he gets forcibly reminded by Squalo breaking down his door with a “voi! Wake up, shitty boss!” Lusurria trailing happily after the swordsman with breakfast in hand. 

“You trash!” Xanxus growls quietly, “if you wake up the little brat, you’re dealing with the pouting!”

Luckily for all of them, the toddler has migrated to Bester’s flank while Xanxus went around preparing the things needed for the bad and is now busy sleeping away, face buried in his plushie. 

“And get more napkins,” at Lussuria's odd look he adds, "brat's a messy eater."

Though now it seems like they'll be eating before bathing which is actually more practical. Why hadn't he thought of that? Doesn't really matter, this is how they will do things now. He picks up his own plate and eats quietly, ignoring Squalo's attempts to get Xanxus to do paperwork with the ease of long practice. Only once he's done he goes to pick mini-Tsunayoshi up, settling the sleepy toddler on his lap.

Tsunayoshi is more asleep than awake but he’s docile enough. “Juice?”

Xanxus’s mouth twitches up, “yeah, sure.”

Lussuria squeals, offering him a glass and Xanxus just knows, with one look, that shit is going to get messy. He accepts the apple slice being shoved into his mouth and says nothing. Luss can deal with this shit. "It's good," Xanxus approves, giving the brat another.

Mini-Mini-Sawada bites half of it off and then promptly falls asleep, slumping bonelessly to the side. Xanxus catches him before he can fall off, caught between incredulity and laughter. "The fuck?"

(Juice)

Part 8 of Xanxus’s Parenting Adventures

Xanxus stalks into his office with mini-mini-Sawada on his hip. The Varia as a whole are smart enough to know that if he has one arm tied up in keeping the toddler in place, it means he still has one hand free to shoot them dead. “You trash,” he growls at the closest grunt, “bring me my wine!”

“Juice!” Mini-mini-Sawada adds, waving happily.

“And juice,” Xanxus adds, patting mini-mini-Sawada’s head agreeably. He lets the brat down on the floor inside his office, eyeing the paperwork. Fuck that thing, honestly. 

By mini-mini-Sawada’s side, Bester chuffs gently, picking the toddler up by the back of his shirt and settling him between his paws. Mini-Tsunayoshi turns to hug the liger as best he can, happily waving his stuffed toy around and babbling up whatever comes through his head.

Toys, Xanxus decides, they're going to need those. Is two years old too young for a toy gun? Hmm… Well now he has google, doesn't he? Oh look, Timoteo's weekly ridiculous requests. He picks them up with a snort, fishing for some pencils in the drawer. "Here," Xanxus offers them to his brat, "this is your portion."

Mini-Mini-Sawada has taken to imitating everything Xanxus does. If Xanxus indulges him, it's simply because it makes things easier and no other reason whatsoever. He ignores the happy little squeal, smirking at his paperwork. When Squalo comes to pick up their finished piles, he makes a face at the brat's handiwork.

Xanxus glares, absent-mindedly cleaning the toddler's face after their snack. 

Squalo just huffs, irritably pushing his hair out of his face. "Voi, FINE! Don't complain to me if they bitch!"

"Fuck that trash," Xanxus doesn't care about what they want. 

"Trash!" His toddler smashes his juice box in agreement. Xanxus lips twitch. Ok, so he's a little fond.

(Strategy)

Part 9 of Xanxus's Parenting Adventures 

Timoteo knows something is going on the moment that the door opens for the Varia's scheduled paperwork drop and it's not only Squalo coming through it but also Mammon and Lussuria. He has half of the Varia in his office when it usually takes months of cajoling to get so much as one other than Squalo. And even then, for this very same dropoff. 

But the Varia are a lot like cats, there's no use in pushing them too much. You have to dangle the bribe and wait for them to come to you. So Timoteo doesn't show hesitation, he simply settles in to give their paperwork a quick check. There's never any blood but he does get a kick out of seeing the progressively more ridiculous fake signatures over the line with his son's name.

This time, it's a toddler’s handprint in ink so strong that some of the text is no longer legible. Timoteo blinks once, twice and then looks up at the gleeful faces of the Varia Officers. "What is this?"

"The mini-boss," Mammon begins, smug and greedy, "is living up to his name,"

Oh, Timoteo realizes, thumbing through the paperwork with new eyes and finding the sort of drawings he hasn't seen in over a decade. Iemitsu had been over yesterday, Timoteo had listened to his ramblings with half an ear but now it's starting to make sense. It hadn't been Iemitsu's usual delusions, Tsunayoshi really is a toddler now. Carefully, Timoteo picks the drawings from the rest of the papers. "Name your price."

Squalo smirks, "vacation. One week, full expenses covered, anywhere we want."

"Done," Timoteo stretches his hand, waiting patiently while Squalo looks inside his bag and comes up with a little plate. Tsunayoshi's small palm is etched on it, colourful kid's drawing decorating the outer sides, under it, in Xanxus's elegant writing, it's Tsunayoshi's name in perfect japanese.

"It's perfect."

"Whatever," Squalo snorts. "Voi, nice doing business with you." Squalo turns on his heel and walks out the door, his two tag-alongs following behind him.

[ramblingguy54]

True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.

If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.

Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.

True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 

This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.

Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?

The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.

Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.

Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.

Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.

It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.

What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.

“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”

True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.

What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?

Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.

Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.

True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 

“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”

King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.

Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  

However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.

This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.

Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.

True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.

Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.

[darling-i-read-it]

Dear Roman

Roman Sionis x reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: abusive relationship! This is not fluffy, it fits the song ‘dear john’ and that was its intention, please don’t read if mental abuse may trigger you

Author’s Note: me, who used to love writing for roman now hating writing for him; i know exactly who to write for for dear john 

Summary: based on the song ‘dear john’ by taylor swift 

Genre: angst

Song:

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

(not my gif)

    Roman Sionis was the first man that you had ever really loved. He was the person that you sought after when you were sad or when you were angry. He was the person that you figured you would spend the rest of your days with. Even if those days were filled with violence and bloodshed, you found no problem in being beside him through it all.

    He had met you when you were at a low in your life and you were freshly nineteen. It wasn’t something that you were proud to speak of but when he took you under his wing you thought that you had someone who really cared about you.   

    Cared about you enough to let you live beside him, run his business with him. You and Victor were his right hand people.

    But Roman had a temper. Which of course, everyone knew. You should have known that when you went into it. Granted, you thought that you did know it but you ignored it. 

     You were out shopping. Shopping was something that you did when you felt you needed to get away from the club. It didn’t happen too often but sometimes Roman gave you some money for helping him out and you had saved enough to get this dress that you had been eyeing for a while.

    You had just checked out when you got a phone call. You didn’t even look at the collar ID when you put it to your ear.

    “Hello?” 

    “Where are you?” Roman’s voice rang on the other side. He was furious, you could tell by his tone. You didn’t like to make him angry especially when you knew that he was so dangerous. “You know that I had a meeting today and you weren’t there to butter-”

    “I’m out shopping, it’s not a crime,” you promised in a calm voice, trying to not stoke the fires.

    “You want to know what a crime is?” 

    You were a little concerned to hear that but overall you weren’t surprised to hear him threaten you like he did everyone else. You never really knew what Roman you were going to get on the phone. If he was going to be angry or if he was going to scream a string of words at you that no priest would want to hear.

    “You said that I could go to the mall Roman.” 

    “Don’t use that fucking tone with me!” 

    “I’m not...I’m not using a tone.” You stood outside the store in the mall now, leaning against the wall.

    “Come home.” 

    That kind of conversation wasn’t typical but it wasn’t exactly surprising. Roman made his life a chess game. It was rare that he wasn’t thinking of a new way to keep you on your toes. It wasn’t always good. It wasn’t always bad. 

    All you knew was when you got that phone call, you didn’t want to come home. You didn’t want to go back to where he was and play princess of the pole for another night. You could feel his anger, his fires that he caught. 

    You took his matches. 

    You didn’t go home.

    Roman was furious when he found you not there twenty minutes later. He waited another half hour before becoming dangerous. He was about to take Victor and go get you when one of his henchmen gave him a note.

    He didn’t even want to read it. What could it say that would change his mind? What could it say that would make him any less angry? But still, he knew it was from you and his curiosity got the best of him.

    “Read it to me,” he said as he handed it to Victor. Victor went wide eyed and took it gently, opening up the paper that revealed your sprawled messy handwriting. Victor paused.

    “Roman are you-”

    “Read it.”

    Victor cleared his throat and began to make sense of your words.

    “Dear Roman,” he paused for effect and so he could gain the courage to continue, “I see it now that I’m gone. All the things that you have done to me that are simply not okay. I know that in the end you’ll add my name to your long list of enemies and I imagine I will never know peace until I’m dead but maybe it’s worth it. You were an expert at sorry and keeping the lines blurry and I can’t be by your side anymore. Maybe in the end it’s me and my blind optimism to blame. But don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? To fall in love with a man who was no good for me? To be played with as you played with me? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll always love you but I can no longer be beside you.” Victor paused again. “You should have known. Y/N.” 

    Roman fumed but he swallowed his pride and turned to Victor, snatching the paper from his hand. 

    “Find her.”

Ewan: @daphne-fandom-writing, @records-and-stardust @broodybats @starwarsprequelfangirl @ah-callie @rai-strangebr​ @whyisgmora​ @fandxmnerd​ @ewanfuckingmcgregor​ @peterpstuff​ @stardancerluv​

Roman: @onebatch--twobatch​ guy atch @21stcenturywitchcraft​

[abysmalll]

Hi. I know it’s been a while. I try to stay active on here when I can, and I reblog photos I like or poetry that resonates with me, anything really, every now and then. I can’t believe I’ve had this blog since I was 14 years old. I’m turning 25 next month. It feels like I’ve lived an entire lifetime on the internet.

I’m writing this because I need to write about it. I need to accept this experience that I am having for what it is and putting words to it helps me. It helps me cope. And I don’t care if anybody reads it. Tumblr is a dead art anyway. This is me writing to the abyss of the internet, a love letter if you will, to myself, about a traumatic experience.

It has been a week since I accidentally drugged myself with 500 mg of delta 8 cannabinoid (in the form of a gummy). I bought this “sampler pack” of what I thought to be CBD gummies a couple of weekends ago while a friend was visiting from Florida. The shop did not seem sketchy, it was a legitimate dispensary, and the men behind the counter were wearing lab coats and seemed pretty knowledgeable about THC and CBD products. Originally, I bought the sampler pack thinking it was CBD isolate only. I didn’t even think the dosage was that high, maybe 25 mg tops. You know, CBD. The thing you can buy in lotions and bath bombs at those kiosks in the mall. The safe weed alternative: suitable for relaxing muscles, calming mind and body, and relieving anxiety. The sampler pack that I bought did not have many descriptions on it: just the brand and that it was a CBD + delta 8 gummy. I did not realize that delta 8 was another form of THC. I did not know that it was a synthetically / lab altered version of a part of the weed plant or anything that would cause me to get extremely high. When I saw the packaging, I just thought, cool CBD gummies. This will help me have a relaxing night, maybe a good night’s sleep. I never bought them with the intention to get fucked up. I never would have bought them if I knew what delta 8 actually was. To be fair, it was completely misrepresented to me by the men at the store I bought them from. I was under the full impression that this was a relaxing CBD gummy sampler. I did not know that, in reality, what myself and a friend were about to consume was 1000 mg of straight cannabis product (500 mg CBD + 500 mg delta 8). From all of the research I’ve done on delta 8 (now having experienced what I experienced), in reddit forums and the like, experienced users of the weed alternative say that they stay away from anything stronger than 100 mg. 100 mg is enough to fuck you up pretty heavily. To clarify, I took 1000 mg (half CBD / half delta 8). I basically had 25x the “strong” amount for experienced users. Now some people have a hard time getting high, their tolerance is pretty up there, and they need up to 400 mg to really feel it and feel it hard. To clarify again, I still had much more than 400 mg. Now to the experience:

My friend and I had just gotten back to my place after spending the day at a town festival (nothing big due to COVID, just a couple of booths set up of people selling their handmade products, animal shelters and sanctuaries giving out informational pamphlets and volunteer lists, etc.) We got lunch with a third friend after that. I was feeling totally normal. I had a beer at lunch, but pretty sober to say the least. We parted ways with our third friend and headed back to my house. I had originally given the gummies to my friend to hold on to (we would’ve taken them a few weeks prior when I originally bought them but we ended up not that specific night) and she brought them back to me so we could try together. I hesitated at first. I held the gelatinous square in my hand, thumbed it around a bit, a little anxious at the thought of “well I hope this isn’t TOO strong” and thought “what the hell”. And I ate it. She ate the other one. Little did I know how strong it would actually turn out to be. (For context: I am a very light smoker. I have a CBD pen that is 1:1 THC but is very mellow, and I smoke J’s every now and then because I don’t like the feeling of getting too high from bongs or other methods. My friend who ate the other gummy is a daily user. She smokes CBD joints and regular weed daily, eats edibles frequently, and is working on getting her medical card for anxiety).

I felt a slight giggly out-of-it-ness after 30 minutes - right away I was feeling it, feeling something. This was what I was expecting. A very mild happy vibe. This felt okay. This felt normal for what I thought I ate. This was what I had signed up for. I still felt pretty normal besides the slight buzz. Perfect. Just something to help me relax a little bit. Something to take the edge off. Akin to drinking a beer after a long day at work. I spoke in the parking lot with my friend for 45 minutes after ingestion and we both felt and seemed pretty normal. Keep in mind, edibles take time to fully kick in. In my head I completely forgot that I ate that gummy. I thought its full purpose had been fulfilled. I thought I was at the level I was supposed to be at all along. I felt fine. My friend drove home. Thank GOD she got home before it really kicked in. I would’ve felt terrible with that on my conscience if it hit her while driving.

And then I came back inside after she left. I noticed that I felt slightly more out of it, a little bit at a Dutch angle if you will. Nothing to worry about though. Just thought to myself; oh, I’m high. This was more than I was expected. But that’s okay. I told my boyfriend (with my tail between my legs: he’s not a huge fan of weed-anything but he doesn’t care that I imbibe every now and then). I told him “babe, I just thought you should know… That I ate a gummy with ___ and I’m actually feeling high right now”. And that was that. He smirked and said “okay pothead”. Went about our usual business. I smelled myself after standing outside in the heat for 45 minutes in that parking lot and thought, ugh I stink.

And then I took a shower.

I felt okay in the shower. Just normal. The hot water rolling down my body. I wasn’t having a break from reality. Not yet anyway.

And then I got out of the shower.

I wrapped my hair in a towel. I threw on an oversized t-shirt, something comfortable. The cool air after being in a hot shower wrapped around me in a ghostly hug. At this point in time, I don’t know if the drastic change in temperature triggered it. I don’t know. All I know is it had been an hour and a half since ingestion at this point and this act of getting out of the shower was the precipice for what I was about to experience. What I was about to fall into. I FaceTimed my friend to see how she was feeling. It hadn’t hit her at all yet. Okay, slight anxiety. Was I the only one feeling this? Was I feeling something I shouldn’t be? My boyfriend and I had given her a spare TV recently and I wanted to see if she was having any troubleshooting issues with it (she was hooking it up, seeing if the google chromecast still worked, etc). We spoke on FaceTime. I anxiously asked her if she was sure she wasn’t feeling anything.. I didn’t like the prospect of me being the only one feeling out of sorts. She insisted that she was feeling fine.

And then she couldn’t speak in full sentences. I thought it was me. I thought I wasn’t hearing her correctly, or processing her words in the way I should be. Anxiety. And then she said: OH. I feel it. I am high. This is not just CBD.

And then I fell.

Not physically. I didn’t physically fall down. I sat there on FaceTime with her, and I felt myself getting higher and higher, and I already had anxiety from what I thought would be a simple CBD sleepy gummy turning out to be a full on edible experience. I felt myself (my consciousness, whatever part of my personality that makes me - me) fall out of my body. I felt myself and my body disconnect. The only way I can explain it is that feeling you get when you’re falling asleep, and your mind isn’t fully asleep yet but your body is. Where you become aware of the fact that you’re falling asleep and you panic and your consciousness snaps back into your body and you jolt out of bed, alert. That feeling. That is the closest thing to what I was experiencing. Except I wasn’t sleeping. I was fully awake. I was tripping. And not only was I tripping, I was tripping BALLS.

I felt my heart lurch out of my chest. In a shaky voice I said “I have to go” and hung up. I jumped out of bed (I was FaceTiming her while laying in bed). I went to tell my boyfriend what was going on. I told him, “Hey- I’m not feeling normal. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m not supposed to be feeling this way right now”. I was going from anxiety mode to panic mode. I felt it happening. Except the whole time, I was high out of my mind. Completely, unexpectedly so. In complete and full honesty, I wasn’t associating this right away to the gummy. Because in my mind, I didn’t buy an edible. I bought what I thought was something else. I thought it was just a simple CBD gummy. Something to help me sleep. This couldn’t be causing me to feel this way, right? No. I have to be having a heart attack or something. Something’s wrong with my body. Something’s wrong with my brain. The two are not connecting. I’m phasing in and out. I feel my heart rate begin to rise along with my panic. I have an Apple Watch, and in a moment of clarity (and stupidity) I thought it best to put it on. I needed to check my heart rate. I fully thought I was having a heart attack and this mental detachment I was experiencing was the result of a serious bodily issue rather than the gummy I ingested two hours prior. I put the watch on. Heart rate is at 135. Okay, not terrible but not great. That’s the heart rate of a person who is jogging. That’s the heart rate of a person who is doing an exercise. I’m laying in bed. Why is my heart rate that high? Oh god. I’m feeling terrible. I’m feeling out of my body. My vision is getting darker and I feel like I’m inside my head watching everything happen on the giant movie screen that is my eyes, but I’m not outside of the screen. I’m experiencing this panic, but not in my body. I wish I could explain it better than this. I wish I could have it make sense to the average person. But the reality of it was that I was not experiencing something that you would normally experience unless you were blackout drunk, tripping balls, having a psychotic break, or drugged. Heart rate is creeping up higher and higher. I’m googling what a normal healthy heart rate is for a person of my size and weight (female, 5’2”, 110 lbs, 24 y/o). I read a sentence that says “if your blood pressure exceeds 180 or higher seek immediate medical attention”. I confused heart rate and blood pressure in the whirl of cortisol and adrenaline and fear. I check my watch again. 184 BPM.

Total. Fucking. Panic.

I felt my heart beating OUT of my chest. It felt like what I imagine holding a hummingbird feels like. It wasn’t beating, buzzing. My heart was buzzing. I thought, is this what it feels like to die? Am I going to die, right here, right now, in my bed? 24 years old? I just graduated college. I haven’t even started my first salaried job yet. I haven’t been married. I haven’t had kids. I haven’t bought my first house. I haven’t experienced so many things and I am about to die, right here, right now. My entire body was numb. Pins and needles. I thought: “I am having a heart attack. 184 BPM. My vision is going dark. I am fully going to pass out”. I yelled out for my boyfriend, at this point in the other room. He rushes in. I tell him what’s happening. He begins to panic. Not knowing how to calm me down. He tries to get me to do breathing techniques with him. It’s past the point for that. I told him, I need to go to the hospital. I need to be near a defibrillator in case that’s really what this is, a heart attack. Because I have a better chance of survival if I’m near a machine. If my heart gives out. I’m trying to communicate this as best I can, while being sky high. I can barely speak. He says, “okay we’re gonna go see ___ (our roommate, and a good friend of mine).” And he guides me downstairs. I stand up on my feet. I feel like I’m a thousand feet in the air and yet so incredibly small. We make our way downstairs to our roommates’ room. He knocks, she lets us in. I stumble in like a drowned rat, hair still wet from the shower. I must’ve looked fucking insane. She takes one look at me but I don’t see her face. I don’t process a face on her head. I just see a blur. I’m still panicking. Heart still beating like a hummingbird. I hear them talking in rushed tones but I don’t hear words. It sounds like the Peanut Gallery parents, if you’ve ever watched Charlie Brown movies. Womp womp womp womp womp.

Next thing I know, she hops out of bed and is wrapping me up in a blanket. She runs to her bathroom and grabs a pot of what smells like, lavender lotion? She’s rubbing it on my cheeks and face. I’m sobbing and all I smell is salt from my tears and lavender. She’s talking to me, but I don’t fully hear her. Like when you watch those movies of a person coming-to in the hospital and the faces of the people surrounding them in their hospital bed blur in and out, the voices fade in and out. I hear her ask me what’s going on. I tell her basically everything I wrote here, just now, but I don’t hear myself say it. The synapses in my brain aren’t firing properly. I know I’m doing things, speaking, but I can’t hear what I’m saying. I know I’m sitting here, wrapped in this blanket, but I don’t know where my body ends and the furniture begins. Cause for more anxiety. It feels like a never ending loop of fear and panic and sensory deprivation, or at least sensory overload? Who knows. My sensory experience is not of this Earth. Sitting in this space, in this room, hearing her talk to me, not really knowing what she is saying but knowing there is care behind it, gives me one small pin point of reality to hold onto. One tiny thing to save me from this seemingly endless nightmare. She takes the watch off of me. I hear her tell me I don’t need to be looking at that right now. No wonder my heart rate is through the roof. I’m giving myself a panic attack.

A panic attack. Is that what this is? Am I not having a heart attack? It sure feels like one. I guess they’re pretty similar. I was convinced, CONVINCED, I was dying. But here I was, some while later, wrapped in this burrito blanket in this room, and I was still experiencing things. Even if the experiences were warped and horrifying. It wasn’t death. But what was it then?

And then I remembered that I ate a gummy two hours earlier. I was having a drug induced panic attack. I was never expecting this. I was NEVER expecting this… What the fuck WAS this? It wasn’t normal. It was exactly what I discovered it to be later on, after researching the label of that sampler pack. It was 1000 mg of CBD and delta 8, a FDA-loophole for weed. And I was buckled in for the full fucking ride.

If you’re wondering what was going on with my friend, she was still high. She was experiencing a strong high from that gummy, but we had nowhere near similar experiences. I was on Mars. She, I think, fell asleep a little later on and woke up the next day ready to smoke again. I am amazed at how vastly different our experiences were. I would give anything to have had that kind of experience. I would’ve loved to wake up the next day, head slightly fuzzy, but feeling normal all the same, and been able to conceive of smoking weed. And if we’re being completely honest, I’m so incredibly grateful that she didn’t experience this. I would not wish this on ANY person. It was my fault that I ate that gummy, and I gave her one too. We could’ve both been fucked. At least it’s only me. My burden to carry.

But being alone in it is scary. And guess what. I woke up the next day, not feeling like myself. Not feeling normal. Not feeling present.

And I’ve woken up every day since in a completely altered state of being. I’m obviously here, I’m breathing, I’m trying to do regular tasks that I do every day. But everything feels so much harder. Everything feels fuzzy. My body feels numb. Some days are worse than others, but for the most part, nothing ever feels normal. I’m realizing that what I’m experiencing is DPDR from a drug induced panic attack. And I’ve cried every single day since that fucking day. It’s been a full week and I’m still having a break from reality. I still feel fuzzy, and like my head and my body aren’t connected, and I’m feeling depressed. I have racing thoughts. I can’t think myself out of this. I know it might seem like I’m fully lucid if I’m able to write all of this, but I’m writing this from a dreamlike state of semi-reality. I still don’t feel real, and people and places don’t feel real. Temperature changes send me into a panic. I zone out and realize that I’m not in my head and even when I “come to” I’m still not FULLY zoned in. My ears and head feel clogged, or like they’re full of cotton balls. I want so badly to escape this feeling but no matter what I do, everything feels surreal. I have no sense of time. I cannot process words. Even writing this, I guarantee you that I forgot 80% of it already. I have to reread things several times to make sure they make sense. If I’m watching a television show, I feel like I’m seeing characters talking to each other but not absorbing anything being said. How am I supposed to live like this? I’m so fucking scared. I can’t eat without feeling weird. I can’t sleep without feeling weird. I can’t do anything. I’m supposed to start my new job on Monday, and I have to be fully aware to do my training, and I’m so afraid of failing because I can barely do the bare minimum right now. I’ve considered going to the hospital but what good would that do? They would think I’m having a psychotic break and admit me to a mental hospital, where I’d be surrounded by unfamiliar people and settings, and be unable to leave. And I’d ruin my life. I’d ruin my job opportunity that I spent 6 months post-grad trying to get hired for, and I finally did. I’d ruin my ability to make an income. I’m terrified of ruining my relationships with people right now because I need so much more support from everybody than I ever do. I am so fucking terrified of my life right now because I do not feel real. I convinced myself the other night that I actually died on Saturday and I am not really experiencing any of this. I have anxiety attacks every day now. Little things set me off. I had an anxiety attack at my mom’s today and she is worried about me. Everyone is worried and nobody knows what to do, including me. I cannot live like this. It’s affecting my day to day life in such a strong sense that I can’t do minimal things. Everything frightens me. I just want to feel normal again. So badly. I would do ANYTHING to feel okay again. I just want to be me. Not this shell of a person. I feel like I fucked up my brain.

This isn’t a cry for help. I know realistically there’s nothing that anyone can do. That helplessness has set in. This is just me yelling at the void and hoping it helps me feel something better than this. I want to be real again.

[zaynmirrors]

Uncontrolled: Part 1 (B.B)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes + Younger!Reader.

Warnings: Anxiety, cussing, age gap.

A/N: I have a playlist I will be incorporating in this story.  I had some help editing this and I’m so thankful for the help.

                                      Chapter 1 I pull the door open, backpack slung over my shoulder to see Peter standing in front of me. “Jesus Peter,” I huff holding a hand over my heart.

“Mr. stark said-,“ He started to say before I held up a hand, cutting him off.

“Tony said to ’watch out for me’, not watch my every move” I sigh and walk past him down the hall with him following behind me like a puppy.

The usual buzzing feeling in my fingertips returned, and I rub them together trying to diffuse the lilac static illuminating from them.

“Will you stop!” Peter hissed. “Someone will see you!” I watch as he looks around worried we’d already been spotted.

I shrugged, “We’re fine.” Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I glance at the time, letting Peter know I didn’t care that I could be seen when in reality all of this is a big deal to me. Scary even.

The main reason Peter is even here is that Tony had suggested that it would be a great idea for him to take me out to the mall. A crowded cluserfuck of people and I for one didn’t do well with crowded places.

The surge I felt running through me was enough of an indicator that we needed to go to distract myself from my powers.

“Peter, can we go?” I asked looking my friend in the eyes. They softened for a moment and he nodded agreeing.

He ushered me out towards the car and I got into the passenger seat holding my backpack to my chest. A sigh of relief left my throat once I took in the relaxing sound of silence.

Peter looked at me with a small smile once he hopped into the car, “Well, you lasted about half an hour.”

I guess he had a point. That was something to be proud of, but it still didn’t get me anywhere closer to controlling my powers. I looked down at my hands as we drove back to the compound in silence. Static was no longer coming out from the ends of my fingers, which relaxed me further.

“How’d it go?” Tony asked looking hopeful as Peter and I returned from our shopping trip. I shook my head trying to walk past him and he immediately stopped me by gently grabbing my elbow.

“She was good for about thirty minutes, then she started to do that tick, sir,” Peter reported, looking directly at Tony.

I could’ve laughed. I guess you could call the static a tick, at least before any real damage is done. I was just done with all the trying and controlling. It’s clear that nothing is going to work. I will never be in control of myself.

Tony’s eyes softened and a small smile appears, “Hey, that’s progress.” I knew it was, but I was tired. I was tired of having to control something that didn’t want to be controlled. I was tired of having everyone watching me like I’m a ticking time bomb. I’m just tired of it all.

“I’m never going to be able to control it,” I tell him honestly looking him dead in the eyes like Peter did. Tony’s smile slightly faltered and he shook his head. “Let me surge out. It’s going to happen eventually. It’s better for everyone if we get it over with now instead of drawing it out.”

Surging was what Tony was afraid would happen if I went too out of control. It would most likely kill me at this point, but I was welcoming it.

Tony shook his head, “we’re not going to let you surge. You can control it.”

I looked at Peter who was nodding in agreement. Ever since this issue came up, they have been my biggest supporters, and I’m grateful for them, but they don’t understand what I’m going through. Peter strived once he recurved his powers and Tony made himself into what he is. I can’t do either of those things. Sometimes, I wish they would give up on me.

“If you say so,” I sigh, gently pulling my elbow from Tony’s hand. “If I can't-.”

“You will.” Tony took my hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “I promise.”

My demeanor melted a little, reminding me that sometimes I do need them.

I walked away from them, planning to go to my safe haven. I hadn’t made it ten feet before an arm wrapped around my shoulder, “Come on, let’s go.”

I lean into Peter’s touch, “Thanks.” He smiles down at me as he walks me to the gym doors before departing. With him being my best friend, he knows how I am with wanting to be alone when I’m at the gym. Also, I feel like I scare him when he sees me taking out my frustration. It’s not always a pretty sight.

I dropped my bag on the bench by the entrance, happy to see that it was completely empty from any lingering avengers. I go to change into more comfortable clothes and skip any warm-ups.

Standing in front of the hung punching bag, I get into my stance and start off with slow punches. My fist increases with speed with every passing second until I’m going as fast as I can. All my frustration surfaced and the huge bag was taking it like a champ. A few angry grunts come out every now and then the more I think about my powers and everything else that has gone wrong in my life.

I was so lost in thought I didn’t realize that my tick had started to surface until I had managed to send a shock through my body. “Shit,” I cursed aloud, my hands illuminated with bright lilac color. I couldn’t control it, and my panic and frustration were making it worse.  

“Y/N?” I looked in the direction of the voice to see Bucky standing there with a concerned look on his face. Slowly, he walked into the room with his hands held up in surrender. My facial expression must be as bad as I felt if he thought he needed to show he wasn’t going to hurt me. I wasn’t scared of him hurting me, though. I was scared of me hurting him.

“(Y/N), it’s okay,” Bucky gently reassured me while taking ahold of my hand. Once his skin touched mine, I felt the raging electricity that was radiating through me dissipate. If he had felt a shock, he didn’t let it show. He just continued to look at me with a softness in his eyes.

Within seconds, the lilac color had faded completely. My heart was my only concern now with it beating at a spastic speed in my chest. We locked eyes and I couldn’t tell you how long I looked into his sea of blue eyes.

“Are you alright now?” He asked, gently letting go. I nodded still utterly confused about what had just happened.

Why was he able to diffuse me so easily with such a simple skin to skin contact? Not even Peter, my best friend, was able to do something like that. I barely knew this man who still stands in front of me, eyes full of concern.

“How did you do that?” I asked still keeping eye contact with the burly man.

His look changed from concern to confusion, “Do what?”

I shook my head and tried to dismiss him by walking past him and grabbing my bag. I wanted to get away so I could calm the spinning in my head before I managed to hurt him or myself.

He tried to catch up to me, but as I kept going he lost interest. Once I reached the safety of my room, I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in.

I made my way over to my bed and sat down with my feet hanging over the edge. “What the fuck just happened?” I asked myself aloud. That’s never happened before. No one has ever just touched me and made it stop. No one.

Hell, maybe it had something to do with his vibranium arm. That has to be it. There’s no other way to explain it. Maybe there’s something with the mechanisms in his arm that caused my powers to disappear, even if for a split second.

I spent hours racking my brain, trying to think of any possible explanation other than his arm, and I couldn’t. I don’t know the man that well, so any other explanation would be impossible.

“Miss L/N, Mr. Stark would like me to inform you that dinner is ready,” Friday says interrupting my thoughts. I stood up and thanked her as I fixed my hair quickly before heading to the kitchen.

Pepper placed plates on the table for everyone as Tony stood by the oven, watching the food intently that cooked on the stove.

“Y/N,” Pepper said excitedly as she caught sight of me. Her arms wrapped around me tightly and I smiled softly as I hugged her back.

“Hey pepper” I sighed happily. Pepper has been like a mom to me. and of course Tony has been like a dad, but Pepper has helped me in ways that Tony can’t. Mostly girly stuff that Tony doesn’t, or would want to, understand. She’s always been easy to talk to. I love them both so much, and sometimes, I can’t help but think that I’m a burden to them.

Tony walked over with a pot full of steaming sauce, while Pepper released me and went to grab the other pot of noodles. I sat down at the large table and took in the delicious spread that had my mouth watering.  

I piled my plate full of spaghetti and salad that Pepper had set out, while we made conversation about our day. Our regular school and work chat. It started off as a normal conversation until I dumbly decided to bring up what happened in the gym.

“So something weird happened when I was in the gym earlier,” I told them casually, grabbing both Tony and Pepper’s attention. Tony looked at me as if saying to continue, “I lost control of my powers, which I know isn’t out of the ordinary, but then Bucky came to the “rescue” and my powers totally vanished after he touched me.”

Tony looked at me quizzically, “What do you mean vanished?”

I shrugged and answered, “He just touched my hand and it stopped.”

Tony still looked confused, “So you’re saying he just touched you and your powers dissipated.”

I nodded, “That’s exactly what I just said, so yes.” I came off a little snarky, but I understand why he was confused by this new information. Hell, it was hard for me to wrap my head around what had happened, too.

Tony stood up from the table and began pacing, hand scratching at his goatee in thought. He was trying to wrap his head around all of this just as I had previous hours ago.

I watched him pace for what felt like hours, Pepper trying to talk to him and him brushing her off with the wave of his hand. Pepper looked at me knowingly and I sent her an apologetic smile, which she dismissed with a small smile and a slight shake of her head.

“So you’re saying-“

I cut him off quickly. “Yes, he grabbed my hand and my powers stopped.”

He sighed, rubbing his face clearly still confused.

“I just figured maybe it had something to do with his arm,” I continued, attempting to help him in his long thought process.

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what it was,” he responded, but I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me or didn’t want to. But I didn’t push him. “Go get washed up, kid. You’ve got class in the morning”

I bid them both a goodnight before retiring to my room where I changed into an oversized shirt, one that was probably stolen out of someone’s laundry and threw my hair up.

I glanced at myself in the mirror looking at the tired person in front of me. The dark circles under my eyes definitely told me that I was not sleeping well. Not that that wasn’t uncommon for people in this compound.

I quickly checked to see if I had any assignments due, which thankfully I didn’t, and I slipped under the covers. I moved around until I was comfortable and laid there staring at the ceiling of the dimly lit room before going to sleep, allowing the darkness to quickly invade my mind.

I jerked awake and immediately became aware of the raw feeling in my throat and the wetness on my cheeks. I rubbed my eyes and sniffled.

Looking down at my hands I noticed the lilac illuminating from my fingertips. I sighed, “Friday, call Peter.” I was sure it was three in the morning, but Peter would want me to call.

The line rang five times before I heard a groggy, “Hello?”

“Peter I had that dream again,” I said quietly. He went silent before sighing, almost as if sadly. Shuffling was heard, assuming he was sitting up knowing we were about to have a long phone call and he needed to prepare himself for it.

I pulled my legs to my chest, resting my chin on my knees watching the static run through my hands, “Have you told Mr. stark?” He asked with tiredness laced in his voice.

“What do you think, Peter?” I replied snarkily. It’s not like I was opposed to telling Tony. I just didn’t want to add any extra worrying to his already long list of problems.

“I think you should. You’ve been having this dream ever since Tony brought you back,” he explained. And he was right. Although, it wasn’t really a dream, more like a recurring memory.

I could still feel the straps holding me to the cold metal of the cot. The surging pulse of electricity running through my veins. The curious eyes of those watching me in the dark. I shuddered and tried to shake the memories from my head.

“Maybe. I just hate worrying him,” I reply with a sigh, running a hand through my hair.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I dismissed. There’s no need to involve Tony. He doesn’t have a machine that can control my dreams. So what’s the point of telling him something he can’t fix?

Peter sighed, “Whatever you say, y/n.” I knew he wanted what’s best for me. Both him and Tony do, but sometimes I just wish Tony had left me in that lab.

“Goodnight, Peter. Sorry, I woke you up,” I apologized, hanging up as he pleaded for me not to. I sat there staring at the light grey wall illuminated by the moonlight, my lamp, and the purple electricity shooting from my hands and I stayed in that exact position for the rest of the night.

Part 2

[loove-persevering]

Jealous! (Steve Harrington One Shot)

Description: Hi, can you do 8,9 and 10 on the prompt list with Steve Harrington?

8-“Why are you so jealous?”

9- “Where do you think you’re going”

10-“Just leave me alone”

   If there was one thing you knew about Steve Harrington it was that he was a flirt, he couldn’t help it though it just seemed like a natural thing about him in all honesty. Your friends warned you when you told them you had a crush on the boy who worked a few stores down from you at the mall that he was a player. Of course none of them actually knew Steve so why would you take their advice?  

 You knew Steve from high school, a prime time for him it seemed. He had it all Nancy Wheeler, the nice big house, Carol and Tommy to hangout with, but eventually some of that went away. Nancy moved onto Jonathan Byers, he stopped hanging out with Tommy and Carol, and now he was working at Scoops Ahoy. He also seemingly had all these kids coming in every night before you closed and would let them into the backroom through the hallways behind the shops of the mall. 

 One night in particular you could recall catching Steve letting them through, 

_____

 You were closing up at The Gap, being the only person closing sometimes scared you but you did what had to be done. You grab the trash bags and walk out to the hallway behind the store, before you completely walk in you hear voices yelling down the hall. 

‘‘Come on, come on,’‘ You hear Steve’s familiar voice. ‘‘I swear if anybody hears about this-’‘ He continues. 

‘‘We’re dead!’‘ All of the kids yell in unison. Their group confused you at times, it was like they had this secret unspoken bond and only talked to each other really. You didn’t have many friends in high school or now so sometimes you felt envious watching the group parade around the mall. You watch Steve as he stands there for a few seconds more then makes his way in through the back of the shop. 

 You decide now would be as good of a time than ever than to introduce yourself. You pick up the trash and then walk down to the door Steve had let the kids in through and you knock lightly. After a few minutes he open the door staring at you wide eyed. ‘’So you’re smuggling kids?’’ You ask him. 

 He still stares at you wide eyed not sure what to say, ‘’Me? no-’’ He finally spits out. 

‘‘I just saw you do it,’‘ You say gesturing down the hall in the direction of the theatre. Steve looked a little nervous honestly, ‘‘Don’t worry I’m not going to rat you out or anything,’‘ You say laughing trying to get him to relax a little bit. 

‘‘Then what?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘I want a banana split on the house, that’s all.’‘ You tell him smiling. He looks at you amused and then nods his head widening the door open allowing you inside. 

‘‘A banana split huh?’‘ He asks looking at you and you smile nodding your head. He walks out to the front and you sit down at the table in the back watching his silhouette through the window moving back and forth. A few minutes later he comes back with the biggest banana split you had ever seen, ‘‘There ya go.’‘ He says pulling out the chair opposite from you and sitting down next to you. 

 You take the spoon that was already dipped into the ice cream and take a bite of it, it tasted sooo good. You look up noticing Steve looking at you like he was completely amused yet confused, ‘’I think this could be the start of a great friendship Steve Harrington.’’ You say smiling. 

____

Ever since that night you were right, it was the start of a great friendship. Your intentions at first were just to get Steve Harrington to look your way and now you had him as your best friend, your intentions turned out to be better than you had expected. Although now Steve was your best friend it didn’t stop your attraction to him from growing stronger. Steve was a lot more than people thought he was, in high school he was King Steve, literally the most popular boy and now to you he was the dork who was friends with a bunch of kids that at times you thought were actually cooler than him. 

 You walked into Scoops Ahoy and see Steve at the counter trying to stay patient as he waited on Erica Sinclair, he had told you that she came in everyday asking for samples basically getting an entire free ice cream out of it. He notices you standing behind and smiles at you then looks down to Erica rolling his eyes causing you to laugh. 

 ‘’Excuse me!’’ Erica calls out her voice laced with attitude as she gained Steve’s attention. ‘’I want to try the chocolate chunk again.’’ She says. 

‘‘Again?’’ Steve groans, ‘‘You’ve already had it three times!’‘ He calls out. She just looks at him giving him a glare and you wait patiently behind trying to hold in your laughter at his frustration. Eventually she does leave and Steve sighs when you walk up to the register. 

‘‘Tough day sailor?’‘ You ask him laughing. 

He glares at you making you laugh even more, ‘’What do you want?’’ He groans. 

‘‘I was going to offer to buy you lunch but not with that attitude,’‘ You say crossing your arms over your chest. 

 ‘’I’m sorry,’’ He sighs, ‘’It’s just that girl-’’ He says sounding frustrated. 

‘‘It’s all good, what do you want to eat?’‘ You ask him. Ten minutes later you ended up at Imperial Panda grabbing Steve and you some food, you make your way to the back hallway noticing the crowd of people standing at the front of Scoops Ahoy. You walked through the gap and into the back hallway wanting to avoid the crowd of people and you walk to the familiar door bending down pushing the handle down with your elbow and pushing the door open. 

 You make your way into the back room sitting the Chinese down on the table, it seemed like this had become your and Steve’s spot after the night you first met. You would eat lunch together and then on nights when Steve was feeling generous he would make you banana splits without even asking. 

‘‘Ahoy Ladies!’‘ You hear Steve practically scream. You smile to yourself pulling the Chinese out of the bag and setting it up on the table. ‘‘I’ll be your captain as we make you a nice boat of ice cream today,’‘ He says and you literally cringe. 

 ‘’Oh gosh,’’ You mutter to yourself. You can hear the laughter of the girls he must’ve been talking to outside. 

After a few minutes you sat in the back waiting for him to be done and you can still hear the girls practically fawning over him from the back room. ‘‘Maybe we could hangout this weekend?’’ You hear him ask and your heart drops. Steve had asked you to hangout this weekend, you walk over to the door and open it slightly seeing who he was talking to, Anna Jacobi. 

 You watch her laugh and Steve smiles eagerly at her, you quickly push yourself away from the door and walk over grabbing your portion of the Chinese food stuffing it back in the bag ready to leave. ‘’Hey!’’ You hear as Steve finally walks to the back of the room. ‘’You’re leaving?’’ He asks and you just stay silent grabbing your drink. You look up at him and he looks at you confused, you roll your eyes at him and make your way to the back door. 

 ‘’Hey! Where do you think your going?’’ Steve asks as you pull the door open, he puts his hand above yours preventing you from opening it. 

‘‘I’m going back to work Steve,’‘ You sigh. You turn around and realize you were only a few inches from Steve and he takes his hand off the door peering down at you. 

‘‘What’s wrong?’‘ He asks letting out a laugh. 

You roll your eyes once again, this boy really was oblivious. ‘’Nothing just leave me alone alright?’’ You tell him. He looks at you a little taken back by your attitude, in the time you’ve been friends with Steve you’ve never really been mad at him until now. 

‘‘Come on,’‘ He says smiling at you. ‘‘Just sit down let’s have lunch we can talk about it.’‘ He says simply. 

‘‘I don’t want to talk about it Steve,’‘ You tell him getting annoyed. ‘‘I’ve gotta go alright?’‘ You tell him. You quickly make your way out of Scoops Ahoy and into the hallway not turning back to see if Steve was standing there, he probably was but you didn’t want to look at him. 

 You debated the rest of your shift if you were allowed to be mad at Steve, he didn’t know you liked him, but he seemed to always be flirting with you and spending time with you. You had no idea what to think, it seemed like you were always being put in the friend zone with guys none of them ever thinking of you beyond anything but a friend. But being Steve’s friend was something you enjoyed, and even if that meant keeping quiet about your feelings and just watching as he went on dates with other girls then so be it. 

 You grab the trash bag from behind the counter and walk to the back of the store into the hallways once again, you walk past scoops ahoy and to your surprise they were already closed. You furrow your eyebrows confused as to why they were closed so early and shrug continuing to make your way to the dumpsters out back, when you open the door you felt it hit something, or someone. 

‘‘Shit!’‘ You call out peering around the door seeing who you hit. 

‘‘I know your upset but Damn!’‘ Steve says putting his hand to his head. You just stare at him a few seconds and mutter out an apology before walking to the dumpster throwing the trash inside. ‘‘Y/N,’‘ Steve calls out to you. 

You turn around looking at him as he walks over closer to you, ‘’What?’’ You ask him. 

‘‘I know why your upset,’‘ Steve says and you felt yourself start to panic, ‘‘I forgot to tell you that one guy you like to avoid was working next to the Chinese place didn’t I?’‘ He says completely oblivious. ‘‘I mean I know he’s weird and all, but give him a chance you know?’‘ Steve continues. 

 You just stare at him in complete shock, how stupid could he be? ‘’No,’’ You say letting out a laugh. ‘’Just leave me alone.’’ You tell him once again. 

‘‘Then what Y/N!’‘ Steve yells as you walk away from him. 

 At this point what did you have to lose? ‘’You asked Anna Jacobi to hangout with you this weekend.’’ You say groaning at how pathetic you probably sounded. ‘’We were suppose to do something.’’ You tell him crossing your arms over your chest. 

‘‘So you’re jealous?’‘ Steve asks an amused grin on his face. 

‘‘Not everyone’s so bent over you Harrington,’‘ You tell him. 

‘‘Oh Harrington?’‘ He says laughing. ‘‘You must be really mad to call me by my last name.’‘ He continues on ‘‘Why are you so jealous?’’ He says practically teasing you at this point. 

‘‘You’re an ass,’‘ You tell him turning around and walking away from him. You walk over to the gate and press the button as it slowly opens, you felt a tear fall down your face not out of sadness but out of frustration. 

‘‘Hey,’‘ He says walking up from behind you. ‘‘Woah, what’s wrong?’‘ Steve asks his eyes wide when he finally sees your face. It sucked because when you cried your nose and face seemed to get red always giving it away. 

‘‘It’s not funny Steve,’‘ You say sternly. You walk out the gate hearing him follow in pursuit. 

‘‘Y/N I was joking! I know you’re not jealous.’’ He says simply. 

 You sigh stopping in your tracks and turning around to look at him, ‘’I am jealous Steve,’’ You tell him and you watch his mouth part slightly. ‘’I’m jealous because I like you and you’re only ever going to see me as a friend.’’ You admit to him, man did that feel good to get off your chest. ‘’So congrats Harrington you got it right, you figured it out. I’m jealous that Steve Harrington asked another girl out.’’ You confess finally feeling a weight lifted of your chest. 

‘‘You like me?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘Of course I do Steve,’‘ You sigh. ‘‘Literally everyone but you seemed to figure it out, even Mike asked me about it.’‘ You say. ‘‘You really didn’t know?’‘ You ask him. He shakes his head no and honestly the boy looked so lost in his head at this point you felt bad for even telling him. ‘’Just forget about it then, really,’’ You tell him honestly feeling embarrassed. 

You stand there awkwardly for a few seconds as the gears seemed to shift in his head, ‘’You like me?’’ He repeats, ‘’Since when?’’ He asks. 

‘‘Since the first night I met you,’‘ You tell him, ‘‘I mean I thought I liked you I thought you were cute but didn’t really know you. Then we actually became friends and it just kind of got real I guess,’‘ You explain to him. 

‘‘Why would you like me?’‘ He asks making you even more confused, ‘‘You’re smart, and pretty, and you’re going to college in the fall.’‘ He explains. ‘‘Why would you like me?’‘ He asks. 

You sigh, ‘’Steve I think your so amazing and I know you might not see it but it’s hard for anyone you know to not love you.’’ You tell him. ‘’You’re such a good person, like such a good person.’’ You emphasize. 

 It takes him a few seconds to register it and once he finally does it was as if his whole body threw itself at you. One second he was standing five feet away and the next his lips were pressed against yours firmly, you kiss him back after the shock wears off. ‘’I’ve liked you for a while,  I just didn’t think a girl like you would even think about liking me,’’ He says when he pulls away. You look at him sincerely, this boy seemed to think he was nothing special but he was the opposite, he was one of the most special people you’d ever met. 

‘‘You’re a total goof,’‘ You say smiling before pushing yourself back up kissing him. ‘’Promise you’re not just saying this so I won’t be upset?’’ You ask him. 

‘‘Promise,’‘ He says smiling down at you. ‘‘So does this mean you’re considered my co-captain now?’‘ Steve asks letting out a laugh and you groan pushing him away from you playfully. 

______

PERMANENT TAG LIST:  @l-ivingformendes , @queenbbarnes , @gwenebear , @depressed-comics (Let me know if you want to be added or removed!) 

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Coffee Shops and Mall Santas

Part Nine of the 13 Days of Seventeen Series

Summary:

Your best friend owns a coffee shop that you’ve gone to every day since the day it opened. So how did you not know that he had a regular there who was cute and mysterious, and literally your exact type? And what were you going to do about Vernon’s annual Coffee Shop Christmas Palooza when your Santa quit last minute?

3k+ words

Happy late birthday @/onlygotafewdollas ily

 When you had been growing up, your dream had been simple.

To spend every Christmas spreading joy in any way you possibly could.

Cheesy? Maybe. Overdone? Absolutely.

But either way, it was your dream. It was a simple dream for a simple girl with a simple life.

Every year, you came up with a new fantastic way to make everyone’s Christmas better.

Whether it was baking 600 hundred cookies in two days, or coordinating a food and clothes drive, each year your ideas got more extravagant, and each year you ended up seeing more and more smiles.

It was the year that you decided to organize an entire potluck and make half the food for it for your entire community that you ended up pulling an all-nighter. It was during the middle of that mess that you were so exhausted that you had to stumble into the first coffee shop that opened.

A shop that happened to be on its grand opening.

A coffee shop that ended up being Hansol’s.

Chwe not Chew, was a tidy joint that opened early and closed late. It had everything that you could hope a coffee shop would have. It had all the food you could crave to accent your beverage, and any sort of mixture of coffee that a un-caffeinated kid could hope for.

It was popular, not only because the service was incredible, but also because the entire town had a crush on the owner.

Hansol was cute, and sweet, and he remembered everyone’s names. He always worked with a smile and he was extremely active in the community. You recognized him from a few of your charity drives, and you knew that he volunteered at the soup kitchen every day that he wasn’t working.

And he was quick to make friends with you.

“You know y/n,” he had stated one day setting your coffee in front of you on the counter. “Somedays I think you are half of my revenue and all I know about you is your name, your order, and what everyone else says about you.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“And what does everybody else say about me Hansol?”

He shrugged.

“That you're nice, you smell good, and you know just the way to make everybody smile.”

You hummed.

“Well, I can’t say that isn’t true,” you stated. You picked up your drink from the counter, warming your hands on its toasty exterior. “And you know, I could almost say the same thing for you. All I know is your name and what people say about you.”

“And what do people say about me?” He asked. You looked to the side, your eyes roaming his small coffee shop thoughtfully.

“That you need a spectacular Christmas event that will brings hundreds more people in.”

Hansol laughed, resting his head on his hand as he peered at you from across the counter.

“The people are always right. What do you have in mind?”

That year- the very first Christmas Palooza that you planned with him, you two spent so much time together that you slept together over the counters of his restaurant wore each other’s clothes, and practically lived attached at the hip.

You started working shifts at his coffee shop, and he started helping you plan out your events, and days knowing each other turned to weeks, to months, to years until no one in town could talk about you or him without mentioning the other.

You two were inseparable, the best of friends and everyone knew it.

So, when you walked in one day, intent on talking to Hansol about what you guys were going to do this year, you weren’t really expecting anything to be different than it always was. You walked into the coffee shop, spotted Hansol sitting on the counter with a book in his hands and started talking immediately.

“Alright, this year, it’s a Winter Wonderland. I’m talking cookie decorating for the kids, live performances from elves in the streets, we have a train to take people from one location to the next, we make it snow, the festival lasts until midnight and-”

You stopped dead cold in the middle of your rant, your words dying on your tongue when you heard a chuckle.

An unfamiliar chuckle.

You glanced to the side and sitting at one of the far tables, his eyes peering at you from over the rim of a laptop was none other then possibly the most attractive man you had ever seen in your life. Your heart thudded in your chest the moment the two of you made eye contact, the way that he smiled at you making you forget your plan entirely.

You had to scramble to reach your train of thought, desperate for some way to make the sudden hesitation seem normal.

“Pause for dramatic effect,” you mumbled as soon as you had dragged your eyes away from the man sitting to the side. “We have a Santa to top off the event!”

Hansol glanced up at you from the pages of his book, a smirk on his lips.

“Pause for dramatic effect? You’ve been spending too much time with Seokmin,” he said with a laugh. You knew that he knew that you had used those words as a cover-up, and he knew that you hadn’t spoken to Seokmin in weeks. It made you roll your eyes.

“You’re such an ass, I’m serious,” you insisted. “It’s going to be the best Christmas Palooza we’ve ever thrown! I can hear the children laughing now.”

That just made Hansol close his book, setting it down on the counter.

“Seriously, y/n. I don’t think Jihoon is going to like you calling him an elf.”

“Who said that Jihoon was going to be an elf?” You asked with a nervous laugh. You hopped up onto the counter with Hansol, expertly avoiding his gaze. Of course, then his eyes fell on you, and you smiled sheepishly.

“Okay, but only because he writes music. He’ll do it if Mellie does it, and we know Mellie loves to sing,” you stated. “So, we’re going to have him and Mellie, and Mellie will convince her whole entire group of friends. That has our elves down. Obviously, you’re in charge of cookies. I’m thinking we make a thousand sugar cookies or so.”

You draped your legs across Hansol’s and pulled out your notebook, showing him what you had outlined.

“The only thing that I don’t have figured out is who is going to be our Santa.”

Hansol frowned.

“Well, why not Peter, doesn’t he do Santa for the mall?” He asked you. You sighed.

“He’s booked every day in December including all the day’s after Christmas,” you stated. “And his brother’s out of town, and then I tried calling two other people and none of them can do it with such short notice.”

You sighed.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do, I mean the festival is next week-”

“Yeah, why are you only giving me a weeks’ notice on one thousand sugar cookies?”

“And if we don’t find a Santa by the time of the event, I don’t even know what we are going to do.”

Hansol opened his mouth to add something else to the conversation, but he was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. You both simultaneously looked at the person who had interrupted you two to find that the boy from earlier was looking at you both, his cheeks dusted pink.

“Okay… That was a little creepy,” he mumbled. You and Hansol laughed softly, and Hansol shrugged.

“We get that a lot. Is there anything I can help you with?”

His eyes were strangely glued to yours, even though Hansol was the one addressing him, and you knew that was something that Hansol didn’t just not notice. Despite how dim he could be on most days, he wasn’t dumb when it came to stuff like this.

The one thing you could confidently say was wrong about what people said about you and Hansol was that you two weren’t dating.

Everyone said it, everyone thought it, and everyone said you two should but the facts were you didn’t like one another like that.

One super awkward date and a kiss that ended in a black eye and broken nose, proved that as much as you two needed it proved.

And considering the fact that he knew everything about you. He knew what kind of guy you found attractive and he knew that eye contact drove you up the wall.

It probably also helped that his shoulder was pressed against your chest so he probably could feel your heart beating in your chest.

“It’s more like what I can do for you guys.”

He smiled, his perfect pearly whites peeking out from between his thin lips as he did so.

“Ho, ho, ho!”

He bounced his chest dramatically, placing his hands on his stomach as if he had a large belly on him. It made him look like an idiot, and that made you laugh into the back of your hand.

“You want to be our Santa?” You asked him. He beamed at you.

“Well… Yeah! I mean look at my loveable face! The kids will love me.”

That was the last thing you wanted to see. This attractive stranger with children? Your uterus would probably combust… You’d have to warn all of the single women at the event beforehand to avoid any genuine casualties…

“Do you have any experience as a Santa? I mean, let’s be honest… You hardly match the bill.”

The man scrunched his nose.

“Maybe Santa went on a diet because he was tired of all the cute coffee shop girls telling him that he had too many cookies,” he replied. “Besides do you have any other options?”

You knew this was a bad decision. Possibly even worse than your current in-progress plan to make it snow this Christmas during your event despite the fact the forecast didn’t call for anything of the sort. But the facts were, this weirdo was right. You didn’t have any other options.

And who didn’t like a hot Santa Claus asking children what they wanted for Christmas?

“Alright, alright,” you sighed with a wave of your hand. You reached across Hansol and grabbed a pencil from his counter. “What’s your name Santa?”

He started to mumble off a series of numbers, which made you roll your eyes. He laughed once he got to the end.

“Oh, my bad, did I accidentally give you my phone number?”

He picked the pencil out of your hand and grabbed your notebook.

“The name is Kim Mingyu, I’m in town until February, and I know that you’re too in sync with Leonardo over here to be dating him. So, I’d also like you to know I’m single, and I have a single condition to me being your events Santa Claus.”

You glared at this man… Mingyu, wondering where he could possibly be going with this… Condition.

“How do you think you look in red?”

One thousand cookies later, a handful of convincing arguments with Jihoon, and days and days spent advertising the event everywhere within a two hundred mile radius and you were still convinced that this was the worst decision you had ever made in your life.

Sure, your vision wasn’t complete without a Santa Claus, but was your stupid vision worth this?

Mingyu had taken it upon himself to be your personal assistant as you set up the whole event. He followed you to all the caterers and bought you coffee as you worked out all the details of the events that you were laying out.

Figuring out the rehearsal schedule for Jihoon’s elves was probably the hardest part. Why was it so difficult to schedule a simple event like this?

“What if they practiced together every day at 7pm until the performances?” He asked you softly, his fingers running through his hair. You were momentarily distracted by the action... The way his fingers ran through his raven strands... He looked so good in a button-up and he felt so warm pressed up against you.

You glanced back at him over your shoulder.

“I don’t know if that will be okay with Jihoon. He has this other project he is trying to complete before New Year’s Eve,” you stated softly. Mingyu’s grip on you shifted, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. You let yourself laugh at the clingy and intimate action.

“What are you doing Mingyu?” You asked him softly. He didn’t respond at first, you glanced at him, surprised that he was staring at you instead of at the paper before you. He smiled once you made eye contact, his eyes briefly flickering down to your lips.

“Just wondering if Mrs. Claus doesn’t mind me kissing her.”

Your heart skipped a beat but before you could tell him off, he laughed.

“On the cheek sport,” he corrected. “We will be playing a married couple as per my terms after all.”

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks were dusted in embarrassment either way.

“I think Mrs. Claus and Mr. Claus should get a divorce,” you mumbled softly. That only made Mingyu smile and rest his head against yours.

“And I think Mrs. Claus should sleep, because Mr. Claus is tired,” he mumbled. “Unless you don’t mind me sleeping on your shoulder that is.”

Mingyu began to mimic the sound of snoring on your shoulder and it made you laugh, patting his head gently with your hand.

“Oh sweetheart, if you want to be my man, you’re going to need to stay awake a little longer than this.”

Mingyu’s eyes shot open and he tightened his grip around your body with a smile.

“And suddenly I’m wide awake.”

You sighed and rolled your eyes to the side, pushing Mingyu’s arms off you politely. He whined at the loss of your body tangled in his. You sighed.

“Mingyu, you really are ridiculous,” you mumbled.

“You are ridiculous too!” Mingyu protested, swinging his legs over the counter of the coffee shop as you walked across the room away from him. “Come on, we both know that you like me! Even Hansol knows that we are into each other! Why do you think he let us stay in this room alone together?”

You ignored his words, so he jumped up, grabbing you by your hand and spinning you around the room.

“Why play games?” He asked you. “Just say you’ll be my girlfriend.”

You were going to open your mouth and say something more but then Mingyu spun you into his chest.

“Just imagine how cute the Clauses will be dancing around the town.”

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.”

Your jaw dropped at the words as they left Mingyu’s mouth and for a second you were caught for a loop, wondering how on Earth Mingyu could manage to be so perfect at literally everything. Good with kids? Good-humored? Knew your own boundaries better then you knew your own? And he could sing?

“Jack Frost nipping at your nose.”

He bopped your nose gently with his index finger and hopped up onto the table behind him, leaning forward to smile at you goofily.

“Yuletide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos.”

He got back up to his feet, and grabbed your hand again, dragging you quickly around Hansol’s coffee shop.

“Everybody knows a turkey and mistletoe, help to make the season bright, but everyone in this town already knows, that your events are another way to go.”

As he sang his words began to come out faster as if he were making up a rendition of the classic Christmas song right there on the spot, and suddenly you really did feel like you were in one of those Christmas movies that you loved to watch so much.

Actually, maybe you had-

“They know that your smile opens doors, your generosity is something that literally everyone adores. To say that all the guys in town were jealous of me would be a lie, cause the girls would be too if I had you by my side.” Mingyu lifted you into the air by your hips, placing you on a table as he spun away from you, jumping onto a table and doing a little jig.

“So, I’m offering this simple phrase, to you and only you. Although it’s been said many times many ways!”

He jumped down from the table and offered you his hand, raising an eyebrow.

“Merry Christmas, won’t you let me love you?”

You wanted to roll your eyes at the sappy display of affection, and deep down you knew that he had choreographed this entire thing at some point with Soonyoung and Jihoon. But… The Christmas Spirit was never lost to you, and to think that you had found someone who was just as dumb and excitable as you were…. Well, it warmed your heart.

“That was possibly the stupidest thing I have ever watched anyone do in my entire life,” you mumbled indignantly. Mingyu still held his pose, that smile never wavering, that hand so close to yours that you itched to reach out and grab it.

“Yeah… But you secretly loved it didn’t you?”

You kept your face solemn for a moment, but the look wouldn’t last long. You broke out into a bright smile and took Mingyu by the hand, letting him pull you into his arms with a short giggle.

“Does this mean-”

“You’ve got yourself one Christmas girlfriend,” you agreed with a nod. Mingyu grinned and went in to kiss you, but you were fast to stop him by slapping his chest. “Hey, you better not ruin this holiday for me by breaking my heart.”

Mingyu actually looked offended by your words.

“And lose the best girl I have ever met in my life?”

Your fingers relaxed against him, and Mingyu correctly took that as permission to lean forward and let his lips brush yours. Not quite a kiss, but just the display of affection that you wanted in that moment.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

[ellana-ravenwood]

“Best step-dad ever” - Jason Todd x Single!mom reader Part 2/5

Hope you'll like this little sequel ! :

FINISHED SERIES : PART 1, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5 NEWLY ADDED EPILOGUE : PART 1/3

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives​

__________________________________________________

“Hey mom look ! It’s Jason ! HEY JAAAAAAAASOOOOOOON ! JASON ! IT’S US, JASON !! WAIIIIIIIIIIIIT !! Come on mom, hurry or we’ll lose him !”

You don’t have time to say or do anything, that your son is already dragging you along the busy street, swerving wildly between people as you’re trying to keep up as best as you can. 

That little fucker of yours was fast. Plus he had the advantage of being a tiny bean and able to navigate easily the jam-packed sidewalk, while you almost ran into every single person on your way, definitely slowing down your progress ...But there was no way you’d let go of your boy’s hand in that big of a crowd.

You didn’t even see Jason. Still couldn’t see him in fact, as you ran behind your boy. Was your kid hallucinating ? Mixing up your relatively new boyfriend with someone else ? Or did he have some sort of super powers you weren’t aware of, giving him the ability to single out people in a huge ass crowd ?! How did he even see anyone in there ?! He barely reached people’s waist ! Maybe he did have super powers...

He drags you behind him, without any intention of stopping, it seems. Until, after what feels to you to be hours but was only a couple of minutes (you realize you’re really out of shape), he turns into a shopping mall and screams once again : 

“JASON !! OVER HERE !!” 

That’s when you also spot him. 

Jason Todd. 

Your boyfriend. 

The first actual boyfriend you’ve had since your son’s birth...

Just as you see him, he finally hears Viggo’s excited calls and turns around, his eyes instantly fixing on your kid. 

Your heart skips a beat as you witness his face lighting up at the sight of your little boy. Never in your wildest dream would you have even hoped to date a guy who completely adored your son as much as Jay did...

Then again, Viggo had a knack to crawl into people’s heart and stay there. 

Your son manages to wiggle his hand out of your grasp and launches himself on your boyfriend, who catches him in his arms in extremis, almost toppling backward as he wasn’t expecting the kid to jump to him like that. 

The way your boy smiles widely and gives the biggest and most genuine hug to the man, and the way Jay answers the embrace by laying a delicate hand on the kid’s head, holding him close to his heart...It kinda makes your teeth rot with sweetness. It’s just too damn cute. 

Who would have pictured a guy like Jason, all leather and sexy smirk, being so good with kids ? Well, given the shocked expression the two guys who are with him have on their faces, definitely not them. 

You cross the few meters separating you from Jason and your son, and stand there awkwardly. Because you just recognized who those “two guys” with your boyfriend are. 

Timothy and Damian Wayne. His little brothers. 

You’re not really sure how you’re suppose to act. Do you kiss Jason to say “hello” ? Do you introduce yourself to his brothers first ? Do you scold your son for running away from you in a crowded shopping mall ? 

You freeze as you just stand there, looking at all of them, without really seeing them. You met Dick before, briefly. He gossiped about you and Jason with your best friend Ally and your son...But that’s it. After a few months of relationship, you haven’t met a single other member of his family. 

And right now, faced with his two younger brothers, you’re wondering if it’s ok...Is it too soon ? Is this unplanned encounter too awkward ? Are you making it too awkward ? Does Jason want you to meet his family ? He never acted like he wanted to, and after all your relationship is somewhat young.

"Jay, I think my mom just bluescreened...” 

You hear your son say. And if you had all your mental capacity right now, you’d probably glare at him for being such a smartass yet again ! But you can’t think straight. All you can do is freak out internally about wether or not your boyfriend will be ok with you suddenly barging in on him and his brothers hanging out. 

After all, he did talk about his family quite a bit, but never really hinted at wanting you to meet them...Oh my god. You were pretty sure you were about to have a full on panic attack. 

Because you and Jay ? It really fits and clicks ! And it’s been since forever, that you felt like that about someone. You don’t want him to be weirded out by you and your son imposing yourselves in his life right now...

************

The reason Jason never really talked about you meeting his family isn’t at all what you were thinking. 

It’s not that he thought you guys weren’t serious enough yet, so he didn’t want to show you his family. Or it isn’t because he was ashamed of you or any of the silly things that were going through your head right now. 

Nope. The reason Jason didn’t talk about a possible meeting yet was because he didn’t want to thrust you into his world like that. 

He was from the Wayne family. Which had a lot of advantages, but just as much disadvantages. People were obsessed with his father, and with him and his siblings. If he introduced you to his family...There was a chance a paparazzi would pick up on it, and then your life would drastically change. 

Even more so because of Viggo. The mere fact that one of Bruce Wayne’s son was dating a struggling single mother ? It would put you on the spot. 

Jason didn’t care what people would say about him. There were already some crazy rumors going around anyway...well, he could understand. After all he was suppose to be dead. 

Actually when he first came back to Gotham, he liked that. He liked being anonymous again. Plus he was so mad at his father. So so mad...Of course now, after a long journey, he understood and forgave him. But in those first few moments back in the City he was born in, he cherished those anonymous time. Yet he could never really hang out with his brothers or at his beloved Manor because...Well, he was supposed to be dead. 

There was a point, after he finally came to term with what happened to him (or at least finally understood Bruce’s decisions), where he couldn’t bear anymore to live hidden from any public places in fear of being discovered, to only see his family at night when it was patrol, to have half a life. 

See, when he was still mad at his father, he didn’t care. His life was his vengeance. His life was getting rid of criminals ! But once he tried to find himself again, once he calmed down and let go of most the pain and anger...It was difficult to not be able to ever go out because he wasn’t suppose to exist anymore, and it was dangerous for the rest of his family.

That’s when Bruce came up with a plan (of course) to allow his son to have a “normal” life again. To be able to go out without a disguise. He disappeared from the public eye for a few weeks, making the entire city wonder : “what happened to Bruce Wayne ?”, only to come back with quite a news...

His son, Jason Todd, was still alive. 

The boy’s death had been a big “event” in its time. Bruce gave little informations, and people didn’t ask for much more, understanding (and seeing, it was the first time they saw Bruce Wayne that devastated) the pain of a parent loosing a child...But no one really knew how Jason died, except that there had been an incident involving psychos from Arkham, so it was easy to make up something, in the end ! 

Bruce gave a public conference reintroducing his son, explaining that Jason had actually been kidnapped all those years ago, and everyone thought he had died. After all, the few proof they could find about his whereabouts were leading to his death. Only he wasn’t dead ! Kidnapped, yes, by a crazy people who hated Bruce Wayne just because he was Bruce Wayne ! But he managed to escape and came back ! And blahblahblah. 

It was ridiculous, but because he was the Bruce Wayne, everyone just went along with it. Jason Todd had been kidnapped, tortured and hurt, and then he escaped...It also gave him an easy way to explain his body riddled with scars to you. He got them during his years in captivity. Of course he didn’t like the idea of lying to you, but he wasn’t quite ready to tell you who he really was. 

Not quite ready to inflict to you that burden of dating a night vigilante. Of course, if things kept going as well as they currently were...then he’d eventually have to tell you, but not now. Just a few more moments of peace and quiet. 

Which is why he didn’t introduce you to the rest of his family yet. Jason didn’t care what people said about him, and because he had a peculiar life, he was used to have crazy rumors and such about him...but he didn’t want you to come in not prepared. 

He knew what people would say. You were a single mom. You had to work so many jobs to get by. Of course the first things everyone would assume was that you got with Jason because he’s one of Bruce Wayne’s heir. “Gold digger”. That’s a word he never wanted anyone to associate with you, but he knew it would happen. 

It drove him crazy, especially knowing the fact that you didn’t even know that he was the Jason Todd. You didn’t even recognize him ! Then again, he was probably the most discreet out of all his brothers, rarely going to charity events and other galas, so he appeared almost never in newspapers and on TV...

You didn’t know who he was. And then once he told you, you systematically refused any financial help. You’d been fiercely independent all those years, you weren’t about to let him pay for your stuffs. Maybe one day, if things get really really serious between you two, but for now ? Nope.

And he understood that. He truly did. If you wanted to pay for dinner sometimes, then he would let you. He knew that insisting on paying for everything would only make you feel inadequate...He didn’t want that. He was so impressed with you and the way you handled your life, raising your son on your own in a city like Gotham ! 

Yes. No. If he could spare you the struggle of being introduced publicly as his girlfriend, and being called all those terrible words...You already talked to him so many times about how annoyed you were when people said things like “if you can’t afford to have a kid then don’t”  without knowing your background ! He could only imagine how crushed you’d be if people started to talk about you as if you were with him just for his (father’s) money !  

Oh it was kind of ironic, really. 

The reason you never met his family was to protect you from all of this. He didn’t want his life to impose itself in yours and your son’s...and here you were, freaking out because you were afraid he didn’t want to present you his family because it was quite a lot, to date someone who already had a kid. 

You both didn’t want to intrude too much, while at the same time wanted nothing more but to be part of each others’ life. You were both afraid to force yourself into each others’ life too much. 

Ironic. 

Fortunately for the both of you, the little one you gave birth to ? Well, he had absolutely no qualm in getting into people’s business !

Of course he was just a kid who didn’t know better...Or, did he ? 

************

Your first date happened because of Viggo. With his not-too-subtle way of forcing you to talk to Jason, and his “My mom thinks you’re cute” comment that kinda unlocked everything between you two (in the first part).

Your first date almost didn’t happen because of Viggo as well. But ended up being the best date ever...because of Viggo. Well. Of course. You should’ve known that it would involve your precious son somehow.

Your best friend Ally was suppose to keep an eye on him, but of course that same date night she had a work emergency (she was a nurse), and your poor sweet kid had a bad stomach bug. 

Your best friend apologized profusely but of course you weren’t mad at her, it happened. And it was kinda your fault that she was the only person you ever trusted to keep an eye on your son...Well, not quite true. 

If Viggo hadn’t been sick, you would have asked your neighbor Mrs. Pembridge. She was a sweet old lady and Viggo always loved going there (mainly because she let him go to bed late, watch animated tv shows for too long and eat a lot of sweets and homemade baking). But...she was an old lady. 

Which was fine when Viggo felt ok. You trusted her to take care of your boy. But if sick...He needed to stay in his bed. Mrs. Pembridge was too old to spend the night at someone else’s apartment. 

There were other people in your apartment building that you trusted too. Old friends that had been there ever since you arrived, young and with a newborn in your arms, panicked at the idea of doing everything on your own...But just like Mrs. Pembridge, you didn’t want to bother them by being so late noticed while your son was sick, and all that for what ? 

Just to go on a date. 

Nu-uh. Long ago you made a pact with yourself that your son would always come first. Shoving him in someone else’s arms (that wasn’t your best friend) just to go on a date with a guy ? Definitely nope. 

Now many people would think you were being ridiculous, but many people didn’t raise their child on their own. Many times, it was just you and Viggo, fending for each other. You rarely left him with someone else, and if you did it wasn’t the entire night and definitely not when he was sick. 

You had quite a fusional relationship with your son, because for those past seven years, it was just you and him. 

It was too difficult for you to leave him like that. Especially just to go see a guy. Poor sweetheart kept vomiting and telling you you HAD to go...But you just couldn’t. 

Sure you really were looking forward to that date with “The Jason” as your son called him. But Viggo was more important. Right now he needed you, so you’d stay. You would lie if you said you weren’t bummed, but you always stuck to your principle. 

More than once you broke up with someone you really liked because the person didn’t get along with your son, which was totally normal to you. So missing a date ? If Jason was right, then he wouldn’t mind. He would completely understand that you had to stay with your little boy.

Sighing, you wished you had less of those days. Work was so shit today, as you ran only into rude customers (today was restaurant and library work). And then you came home excited, and started to get ready...only to have your best friend tell you she had to go. 

Well. It was still fine, right ? Viggo could just go to Mrs. Pembridge who’d understand and...No. He couldn’t. You saw it instantly as you came into his room. The boy was so pale...

You quickly understood that he had been throwing up for quite a bit now, but did it discreetly so you wouldn’t know and therefor cancel your date. When you came into his room, he was trying to act tough in front of you but eventually, turned a scary shade of white and threw up all over his bed and...It warmed your heart. 

Which sounds weird, and you felt awful for feeling so happy but...Your son. Your seven year old son. Your little cutie pie, hid the fact he was really sick just so you could go out with a guy. Just because he knew you really wanted to see Jason again. He threw up and bottled up his pain so his mama could be happy !

Somewhere along the line of single parenthood, you must have done something right, to have such a compassionate little one. Now of course, you felt awful that he felt the need to hide his sickness and was all alone in this for a few hours...but you also felt incredibly proud. 

Viggo, however, started to cry. Not because he was sick, but because he “had ruined your night”. You then spend the next hours trying to comfort him, while holding a “barf bucket” in front of his face and trying to soothe him as best you could. 

Poor little chap was crying because his mom couldn’t go out, not even because he was super sick. Man. You loved that kid to death...

But because of all those things happening at the same time, because of this quite shitty day...You totally forgot to call Jason to tell him you couldn't go out that night, and when the bell rung your blood froze.

Oh fuck. Now if he was right, he would understand you staying home with your kid, obvs. But would he be understanding of the fact you totally forgot to call him and he came all the way here just for you to tell him to go home ?

If it was you, you’d be kinda pissed. 

You left Viggo who was now covered in blankets, feeling a bit better, and watching his favorite movie, “Treasure Planet”, and went to open the door. 

And here he was. 

Jason Todd. With a bunch of flowers and a smile to kill for. So incredibly charming, and yet his obvious nervousness was also very endearing. You still couldn’t believe that a guy like him, with his definite bad boy air, could be so shy and yet so smooth at times. 

“Jason...” 

“Sorry I’m a little in advance but I...What is it ?” 

“I...um..I can’t go tonight...Viggo is sick and I have no one to baby sit him and...um...I’m sorry, Jason.” 

“Oh...” 

The man’s face fell, and your heart skipped a bit. When was the last time someone was THAT disappointed about not going out with you ? Never. Sounds about right. You try to smile but can’t, because now, faced with him, you’re really really bummed out. And you’re unsure of what to do. 

Take the flowers ? Say thank and close the door ? Settle another date now ? Will he even want to go on another date ? Do yo...

You’re interrupted by a tiny Viggo, wrapped from head to toes in a red blanket way too big for him (red hood) , and holding his barf bucket in both his arms, coming to the door. 

“Hi the Jason.” 

“Hi smart guy.” 

Jason seemed over his disappointment in an instant. He went from looking sad to smiling sympathetically at your son. 

“Sick uh ?” 

“Yeah. Sorry for ruining your date.” 

“Ooooh don’t worry about it little man. It’s not like tonight is the only time we can have one you know ? You should go back to bed and rest.” 

It makes your heart beat faster, the way he speaks to your son. The way he quickly hid the fact he was bummed for the sake of your little boy. 

“I’m watching a movie. I’m not that sick, you could still...” 

But as Viggo says that, his face turns paler once again, and he falls over because of how much he throws up...And you’re pretty sure that that is it. Jason won’t ever want to date you again. Witnessing the “worst” part of parenting always does that. Makes them run away. 

But you don’t even have time to reach for your kid and try to hold him up that Jason is already next to him, holding the bucket of barf Viggo inadvertently let go of with one hand, and his head with the other, making sure your son doesn’t go face first in his own barf. 

It’s such a sight, to see the man’s instinct of immediately helping your kid that you don’t move and just look at this strange painting : Viggo in Jason’s arms, throwing up and sobbing because his throat hurts and he’s so tired of throwing up, that you don’t even think of moving. It’s like Jason’s “paternal instincts” shocked your maternal ones. 

And without even knowing how, you find yourself guiding him in your living room and telling him to lay Viggo on the couch. And oh wow, the way Jason delicately lays your kid on it and the face he makes...total and utter worry for your son, while he doesn’t even know the boy that much.

It’s surreal. It’s the first time you see someone else carry your son in their arms, and laying a hand on his forehead. But then he realizes you’re looking at him, and he takes a few awkward steps back before saying : 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have intrude in your home like that. I...I actually don’t know what took over me haha. I’ll um...I’ll go now. I’m sure you got this you um...have been doing this for longer than I have haha.”

The return of Awkward Jason. Kinda your favorite type of Jason...The man could be a smooth motherfucker, but also a bashful one. You came to know a lot about him, during your nights at the bar. You talked a lot. He became your friend. A...really good friend in fact. 

And when he discovered you had a son, he didn’t even flinch. He just rolled with it and asked you out on a date. And now you cancelled that date way too late, and he ends up getting your kid’s barf all over his shirt...

“I’m sorry..”

Viggo says weakly, noticing said barf on Jason’s shirt. But Jason just smiles sweetly and answers : 

“It’s alright champ’, I’ve seen worst. Plus you didn’t mean to, it’s totally ok. And again, you didn’t ruin our date to your mom and I, we’ll just do it another time.” 

For the first time that day, your son smiles too, and slowly, his eyes are closing as he listens to Jason tell him it’s not his fault. Which makes you do something completely irrational. 

Something that you always thought you’d never do. Something that went against your rules...

“Jason do you...Do you want to stay ? We can watch Treasure Planet while your shirt gets cleaned ? I wouldn’t want to send you away with throw up all over you...” 

You’re aware of how ridiculous you sound. He’s probably thinking you’re completely crazy, asking him to stay with your barfing kid ! Sure he acted really well about all this so far, but this is a bit too much right ? 

Plus it totally goes against your rule of not bringing any men into your home life when you’re son is around ! Now of course you’re not planning on doing anything with Jason tonight. You actually genuinely want to just spend time with him, which is what a date is right ? 

He has been your friend for six months now. And the way he just acted with Viggo, helping him to the couch and all...but you can’t believe you just told him that. That you just basically told him to get half naked and stay over...

But he smiles now, and takes a few steps away from Viggo, as to not wake him, and says : 

“Treasure Planet sounds great, and I’d be lying if getting rid of the vomit isn’t appealing right now...” 

Ok. Hello ? Yes, you’re pretty sure you just found the perfect man. But hey, hold your horses (Y/N). It’s not because he’s sweet now that he’ll stay sweet. And it’s dangerous, to get your hopes too high like that...But you can’t help it. 

You didn’t scare him away by cancelling on him last minute, and by him seeing your sick kiddo. He still wanted to spend time with you, and the way he smiles and looks all bashful as he takes his shirt off. The way he even looks away...you know he’s not staying because he expects anything more than just spend time with you. 

And wow the man is RIPPED. But you look away bashfully too, a bit uncomfortable, and give him your bathrobes...When you turn around to look at him, you can’t help but start to silently giggle. 

Soon enough, you’re both dying of silent laughter, trying not too make any noise because Viggo finally fell asleep, but not able to stop laughing because bad-boy Jason Todd wearing a pink bathrobe with laces ? It’s pretty hilarious. 

And that’s how your first date started. In your home. Where no men ever really set foot. With your son sleeping on the couch, as you both watch “Treasure Planet” sitting on the floor (the couch being already taken). Eating way too many red vines and pop tarts. 

At the end of the movie, he helps you get Viggo in bed, and heads for the exit. He even thanks you for spending such a great evening...It has been a long time since he had such a carefree moment with someone. 

The date ends with only the softest kiss on your lips, after he asked if he could kiss you and you said a way too excited “yes”. 

And that’s when things really started. 

************

Six months later and things were quite serious. And for the first time in your life it didn’t worry you too much. For the first time in your life you let a boyfriend truly get close to your son. 

And oh those two really got along ! 

Six months of absolute bliss, of Jason coming over a few times a week, or taking you out too. You didn’t see each others every single day, having both quite a schedule...but you saw each other enough. 

Enough to both realize this was getting serious. Enough to both call each others boyfriend/girlfriend. Enough for Viggo to break in a run and jump in Jason’s arms if he saw him randomly in the streets...

Like today.

************

Jason felt an incredible surge of happiness, as he saw Viggo running towards him. It was so strange, how that kid kinda forced himself into his life, and yet he was totally fine with that. Usually, Jason didn’t like being forced to do anything...but that little boy, he was too damn smart, and too damn cute ! 

Was that how Bruce felt, when he adopted him and his brothers ? When Damian came in his life ? Was that why he always seem to forgive them more than he forgave others ? Why even if he grumbles a lot he always ended up getting them exactly the gift they wanted, or always took the time to tell them he was proud of them ? 

Maybe. Probably. 

But Jason couldn’t think about that too much right now, it could be dangerous, to get so attached to that kid...Dangerous for everyone. Even if it went really well between you and him, things went haywire so many times in his life that he’d rather not think about that quite yet. 

For now, he just felt incredibly happy to have run into you and him randomly in Gotham’s massive center. But..why weren’t you saying or doing anything ? 

"Jay, I think my mom just bluescreened...” 

But before you or Jason can really say anything...A sweet laugh resonate next to him. Uh ? 

Tim. It’s Tim. Chuckling a childish giggle...that stops once he notices everyone is staring at him. And then he says : 

“I’m...I’m sorry it’s uh...it’s what the kid said. Bluescreened. It’s just such a clever use of the...you know when your computer goes...um...and um...Ok, my brain just error 404.” 

This time, it’s your son’s turn to snort loudly, and to shake his head meaning : “oh yes good one!” and you finally regain your senses. Since when your seven year old son spoke “computer humor” anyway ?! That kid would never cease to amaze you...

************

Turned out, Viggo heard the terms “bluescreened” and “error 404″ on one of his favorite show about kids who were spies and constantly...hacked things or whatever. You didn’t quite understood everything he was saying, but you were pretty sure you bought him a shirt once, with the characters he was talking about on it. 

The awkwardness of your son barging in like that over, Jason just came to kiss you and swiftly introduced you as his girlfriend. To which his brothers replied by a : “yeah, we understood”, rolled their eyes and exchanged a knowing look with Viggo and then looking at the both of you. 

Hey. Hey stop it with the exasperation ! 

“So what are you guys doing here ? Pleasant surprise but isn’t it school time ?”

Jason asks, and your answer : 

“Well we were going home. I just picked him up from school, that ended earlier today because their teacher’s wife is having a baby...and we were coming back from getting an ice cream cause he had a good grade. But then suddenly he started screaming your name and running and...here we are. What about you ?” 

Jason, Tim and even Damian chuckle at your little story, being able to picture it quite well. And then Jason answers : 

“Well we all had some time off, which is pretty rare so...we were about to go play some...arcade...” 

As he says that, Jason is suddenly afraid that you’ll think he’s a total nerd or something, and not as cool as he seems. Now of course by then, you know he’s an absolute dork (he still thinks you didn’t see him play “Jedi and Sith” with Viggo when he thought you were getting dinner, but you totally did...it was very cute, and the force WASN’T with Jason that day, as he crashed on your son’s floor after a failed little acrobatic, and you then walked in on them laughing way too much).

But in his head right now, Jason didn’t want you to think he wasn’t “adult” enough. Playing at the arcades ? Like a kid ? How the hell were you suppose to raise a child then ? Wait...What was that about raising a child ? Was he thinking about Viggo ? Or...Uh. He shook his head and smiled at you, a bit embarrassed. 

“No way, you guys play Cheese Viking ?” 

You ask, clearly interested. And he should’ve known. He should’ve known you were a geek too, why was he even nervous about going to the arcade with his little brothers in the first place ? Showed as well he could take care of young people...right ? Uhg, he shakes his head again, chasing those thoughts away, as Damian says : 

“Well, those two TRY to play, but I ? I am a true champion !” 

“Are you, now ?” 

“Yup.” 

“Well I shall challenge you, young man !” 

“Challenge accepted madam !” 

It happened really fast. And it was weird. Damian, out of all his siblings, was definitely not one to be outgoing like that. Especially not with a stranger. And yet, it seemed to have instantly click, between you and his fourteen years old brother, as you’re now walking towards the arcade and talking about how you’re totally gonna win... 

And then Viggo gets in between you and Damian, looks up at Jason’s brother and with a bright smile says : 

“Careful Damian, my mommy is really amazing at that game you know ?” 

“Is she now ?” 

“Yeah ! She holds the highest score in a lot of arcade in our neighborhood !”

“Really ?” 

“Yes ! She’s amazing, my mommy !” 

“I heard.” 

“You did ?”

“Todd talked about her to father.” 

“Todd ? Who’s Todd ?” 

“Jason.” 

“Jason’s name is Todd ? I thought it was Jason !” 

“It’s his last name !”

“Isn’t it Wayne ?”

“Well that too, but technically it’s “Todd-Wayne””.

“His name is Todd Wayne ? Not Jason Wayne ?” 

“No, his name is Jason. But also Todd and Wayne. Jason Todd-Wayne.” 

“...You know what ? There should be a law against last names that are also first names, because right now, I am confused !” 

This little talk made all of you laugh, as you went to the arcade. 

Viggo and Damian got along surprisingly well. It actually surprised Jason, that Damian didn’t got snappy as soon as the kid got confused (which by the way, Jay was pretty sure Viggo did on purpose...he knew your son dumbed himself down sometimes, to fit in a little better). That was something... 

************

You ended up spending the rest of the day playing in the arcade. It was great. Tim and Damian were great kids ! 

Damian quickly gave up on trying to beat you, after you kicked his ass once too many time on “Cheese Viking”, and instead went on playing some other games with your son. 

Tim tried till the end to beat you, but there was clearly no way...Your son crowned you “Butt-Kicker Queen” and it was just so pleasant. 

Viggo, Damian and Tim were trying to play DDR and failing quite miserably, and you got to spend some smooching time with Jason, hiding behind some arcades. Which grossed out your kid immediately as he saw you two, and you’re pretty sure you heard him whisper to Damian : 

“Kinda wish I didn’t set them up together sometimes...Why do adult enjoy puppy kissing each others ?!” 

And on that note Damian dragged him away telling him they should totally play that other arcade game, while Tim deflected the subject by asking him about his favorite animes. 

Jason was once again surprised by Damian’s behavior. No snarky comments, no exasperated sigh or anything. Instead, he got Viggo’s attention on something else and gave his brother some more alone time with his girl...It was rather unsettling. 

And you ? You didn’t even mind that much to let your kid with Damian and Tim. First they always seemed to make sure they were in your sight, but also Viggo seemed to have such a great time with them. And they took such great care of him...You weren’t worried in the least. 

While usually you disliked leaving your son with people you barely knew...But you felt like you knew Damian and Tim, after all the things Jason told you about them. 

You totally understood why Viggo reminded him of Tim. Those two were definitely some smart cookies ! He hacked a few machines so they’d have “infinite quarters”, and showed how to rewire things to your son (which you weren’t too sure was a good thing).

Damian seemed like a sweet kid (which kinda went the opposite of what Jason told you about), you were pretty sure he tried to loose to games on purpose when playing against your son, but defending himself enough so as Viggo wouldn’t be suspicious ! It was very nice. 

Yes. Leaving your son in his uncle’s care didn’t really m...Wait what ? What the hell brain ? Why did you say “uncle” ?! You didn’t even realize it, the word just came on its own...it was weird, but you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think it fitted. 

In those short six months together, Jason had been more of a father to Viggo than the boy’s own father ever been. Which sure wasn’t difficult, given the fact that asshole split the day of his birth...but still. 

It made you feel oddly weird, to realize this. 

It wasn’t an oddly weird displeasing feeling though, on the contrary. 

************

The day went by in a blur, because you had so much fun with Jason and his brothers ! And came the time to say goodbye and...you were kind of hoping that Jason would talk about meeting the rest of his family, but he didn’t. 

Of course you were now overthinking about this, while really he just wanted to protect you...But it’s just, after such a good day you kinda thought you’d see more of his family ? Especially since his little brothers kinda hinted at it but then Jason kinda shut them down by saying you were busy ? 

He constantly talked about them. They were important to him. You wanted to meet them...Why didn’t he want you to ? 

But once again, your son saved the day. 

You don’t quite know how Viggo did it, but he really always seemed to know what to say, and when to say it. Because there was no doubt in your heart that the fact that Jason seem to not want you to meet his family (though this was actually a misunderstanding) could dig quite a hole between you two...And things were going so well ! 

Fortunately, you gave birth to the smartest little boy around. You were all saying goodbye (you trying to hide how bummed out) when your son said : 

“Oh by the way Jason, next week, it’s my birthday ! I’m having a party at our apartment, can you come ? Please please please say yes” 

Uh ? A party ? Since when ? Your son never asked for birthday parties, he usually had a little thing at school. His teacher was great and always took half a day to celebrate the kids’ birthdays, so Viggo never felt the need to have another party at home...

“Oh and you know what, you should come too guys ? Right ? Damian ? I could show you my video game collections ! And Tim, you can bring me the book you were talking about ? The one about Minecraft ?” 

Oh. Oh you get it now. Sneaky little fucker of a son you have. How ? How did he know ?!  

“Hey you know what ? Dick should come too ! I only saw him briefly but I really liked him and I feel it would be impolite to invite you three without him too !” 

Smart ass. You knew what he was doing. He was forcing you and Jason to take decisions once more. Forcing you to take a step further in your relationship. Just like he did, six months ago, in the park ! 

“Wait...Wouldn’t it also be impolite not to invite your other siblings ? You have another sister too right ? Oh and your dad ? And Alfred ? You talked about him a lot so...Yeah it makes sense ! Will you guys come ? Please please come ! Last year, none of the kids showed up to my birthday...” 

Oh. My. God. Smooth. Motherfucker. You can’t believe he was totally lying right now, pulling his “puppy eyes” face to convince him to come !! And you can’t believe it worked !! They were late for an appointment now and had to leave in a hurry, but they all promised to come to his birthday. 

Jason said he’d make sure to clear his schedule and ask his sister, brother and father. There was no resisting that cute lil’ kid. He’d talk about it all further with you later. And as you witness them leave you slowly turn to your son and say : 

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to lie ?” 

“Oh she did. But I didn’t lie.” 

“Really ? No kids showed up to your birthday ? That wasn’t a lie ? We never had a party for you Viggo !”

“I know, which is why no kid showed up to my birthday. See, I didn’t lie.”

Oh my god. Sometimes, you could just strangle that kid and his smugness. But...true. He didn’t technically lie. And somehow, he managed to get Jason to bring his entire family over...This could be really good, right ?

************

This also could be a total disaster ! 

You’re kinda totally freaking out right now, as you’re finalizing the decorations for your son’s birthday party (the theme was “Spider-Man”). 

Sure you wanted to meet Jason’s family. You wanted to be part of his life, just as he was starting to be part of yours. You wanted them to meet Viggo. You...You wanted this. 

But at the same time, you were about to meet THE Bruce Wayne, and, and...and it was all a bit unnerving really ! Meeting the parents’ of your significant other was always a bit nerve wracking, but him being...being Bruce Wayne !! 

Now it sure helped that you already met three of his brothers, but what if his sister was going to hate you ? It’d be a disaster ! Jason clearly adores his sister ! BUT WHAT IF CASSANDRA HATES YOU ?! 

You’re really totally freaking out. 

You pace back and forth in your living room now, utterly stressed, under your son’s amused eyes. But for once, your smartass of a kid doesn’t want to say anything. He doesn’t want to make you stress further. 

So instead, he stands up, put on some music and runs to you, taking hold of your hands and starting to dance haphazardly around the house. 

His way of trying to make you relax. And though at first your heart isn’t quite in the dancing, you’re quickly moving around with your son and oh man, how can that kid always be so good at cheering you up no matter what ? 

************

“It’s really nice of you to take some time off to come, Bruce. Viggo will really appreciate it I think. And um, (Y/N) too.” 

Jason says, as he and his family climbs the stairs to your apartment (the elevator was once again out of order). Bruce looks at his boy, and smiles fondly saying : 

“Oh it’s nothing son. After all, you’ve been babbling about this (Y/N) to us for the past year, even before you started dating...I’m very curious now. Plus Damian and Tim said she was lovely, and Dick talked about how “Viggo” is a smart kid. I really want to meet them now.” 

“Oh she really is lovely ! And Viggo ? Smartest kid ever ? He’s a lot like Tim actually in that matter. And he’s also...” 

Bruce isn’t really listening to his son anymore. Instead, he just looks at him with warmth, happy beyond any measure that he seems happy.

It’s been a long time, since he saw this side of Jason. He actually thought it died with him all those years ago, when the Joker...No. Bruce couldn’t think about this right now. All he saw, was the happiness in his son, the genuine excitement in his voice...It felt like he was back when he was 8 years old again, and was that carefree little boy who went through a lot but was always so cheerful and easily excited. 

That little boy who worshipped Bruce, and who called him “dad”. That little boy who was always so funny and enthusiastic...That little boy he thought died...No. No no no. Bruce couldn’t allow himself to think about those terrible times. 

Instead, he focused on the joy of having once again a glimpse of who Jason really was, as he climbed the stairs towards your apartment. 

They were in front of your door now, and knocked multiple time without an answer, the loud sound of music came from inside your place...Jason smiled and pushed the door open (oh he hated when you left your front door opened !). 

And there you were, with Viggo, dancing around your living room to “Fernando” by ABBA. 

************

Oh god this was embarrassing. You were faced by Jason and his family, for the first time ever all together meeting you and...They walked in on you dancing terribly to some disco. 

You can’t recall a day you felt that flushed...But turn the music off and look at them all awkwardly. Oh man. Worst nightmare. Right there. 

“I love ABBA.” 

Well. Those are words you never thought of hearing from the mouth of THE Bruce Wayne ! And yet here he was, saying them. 

Viggo and you stopped dancing immediately as they all came in, and were kinda standing there awkwardly and...”I love ABBA”, one of the most powerful man in the world says. For some reason, those few words make all your worries fly away. 

And your son ? Oh your son exchanges a knowing look with Jason’s father, as if they’d been “partner in crime” for years. And you know that small smile creeping on his face. Which makes you smile too. 

You know what will happen. And when it does, you’re ready to join in immediately. 

Viggo burst out in laughter, and you follow right after. In turn, Damian chuckles first, and soon enough, your son’s communicative laughter infect everyone in the room.

And just like that, your stress is gone. 

“Oh man hahahahah, geez hahahahaha, come on in guys, come on in.” 

You say, gesturing to the living room and the table. Jason is about to introduce you to his family (even if they already know who you are, as he talked a lot about you) when the door bell rings again. 

“Ah ! This must be Aunt Ally !” 

Viggo cheerfully exclaims as he runs to the front door. Of course you invited your best friend too, you had to. Emotional support.

You’re about to tell them to leave their present for Viggo (they all brought one, man that was going to be the most gift Viggo ever got for his birthday !) when...

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!” 

You and Jason exchange a worried look. You’ve never heard your son scream like that...what happened ? Who was at the door ? 

In the same move, you and Jason run towards the door, and his family follows (instinct) and...Your blood freeze. 

What ? No ? Why ? What was he doing here ? 

Viggo is in front of the open door, and outside...Him. 

“Hey (Y/N).” 

He dares to say, a wrapped package in one hand, and flowers in the other. 

“...Jess ?” 

You say, not quite believing your eyes. 

Jess. 

Him. 

How ? 

After all this years, why ? 

Jess. 

Him. 

Viggo’s father. 

To be continued. 

_________________________________

I have been in a very...strange mood all day ^^'. Like the kind you can’t quite explain, when you just feel...Meh. So this story took me AGES to write (the entire day, basically, while I usually write rather fast). I hope you liked it and...yeah. Don’t have much to say more. Except that I got carried away once more and oh look at that there’ll be another part of this story. I hope this wasn’t too boring to read...

As per usual, feedbacks and reblogs are MORE than welcome <3. 

[infinitesolarflare]

10-1-0: An Incarnate’s Tale

Oh, forgive me, I see there is some information you'd need for this, well my name is Sullivan Koji. I am the one who has taken over the quest of saving our lives, in our world man has been turning a blind eye for too long. There are few selected humans to be one of the "World Walkers". Being a World Walker means you have achieved the highest level of concentration, determination, and compassion.

I guess you should understand, the common conception of time, and the universe as we know it are wrong. Long ago mages, like us humans were created, there purpose was to save the earth from certain destruction. They lived long lives, and as the mages grew old, they became corrupt. This is when man truly entered the dark ages. As the mages battled one another they discovered that after killing a mage he would burn a bright red, then dissolve. The particles of what once made up the mages were thrown farther than any human could ever imagine. These particles are what humans know as stars. Gazing at stars is a human activity with a far greater importance than they know. The mages attempt to communicate with the World Walkers through this, to find if there are any left.

Now, this is where things fall into place. There were 10 mages each holding a section of the Portal. The Portal is the one thing given to the mages so they can infinitely travel in all directions. My mission, embody the mages, become the one and only Mage left. I have been chosen because what the common man takes as a dream, or nightmare is actually a tool. A tool so useful it takes years before one can even view another world.

The one goal for man is to reach the year, ZERO. Once there man can live at peace, without war, death, poverty, hunger, and hatreds. The ones who the mages see fit to achieve peace are reincarnated every 400 years or so, these souls have purpose, they are meant to reach ZERO. Common people are pawns in the world games of chess. Those souls are reincarnated almost every second of every day. Useless people, unworthy of the true paradise, some call it heaven, others don't believe in it. I have not been there, but I've seen it. My goal for now is to build the portal, show humans what life is supposed to be....

This is almost the end of our lesson together, I Sullivan Koji, have been reincarnated only 3 times so far. This is my story, these are my trials, my tests, and my tears. To reach ZERO I must concentrate once within each universe of the infinite universes. The Old Mages War took place on an open plain, which was the only universe at one time. When the High Mage Geishino was murdered his energy, not only burned a hole into time itself but also exploded into all directions, which we know as The Big Bang. Now there were 7 mages after the High Mage. They traveled throughout all universes, battling one another, the 10 portal pieces are somewhere within them, I WILL find them....

The radio in Sullivan's room is playing Good Times Bad Times by Led Zeppelin. He has been awake for 3 days, his eyes are bloodshot, his eyes water as he sits up. "where do I go today?" his thoughts seem as though they were talking to him aloud. Sullivan has only a few friends who understand his destiny. His life long friends, and blood brothers, James Blackard and Micheal Himaru. Sullivan, from an early age displayed signs of being the World Walker this universe needed. His friends thought he was short a few screws. As we entered highschool, I stared to understand what I was...who I was. I confided in them all that I discovered and they wanted to join me in my quest. Before they could do this I needed to explore how to travel through universes.

FEBRUARY 13, 2019

Friday, 06:17

"Its already time to start, ugh this will be a long day." I focused harder and with more energy than the day before, I attempted to complete my first Walk. I sat in complete silence, in a dark room. Which was located in the basement of my parents house, I was only 17 still. As my breathing slowed, and my pulse crawled to almost a complete stop, the very first visible portal appeared in front of me. And just as quickly as it came, it was gone...vanished into the abyss. "All that fucking work, just to have it amount to nothing" I was beyond frustrated at my poor performance at keeping my cool.

FEBRUARY 13, 2019

09:14

I walked out of the basement room, my eyes squinted almost completely shut from the glow of the sun. It was an abnormally warm and sunny day, usually the frozen tundra of which was once new England was gloomy, and around 10* at all times and just a terrible place to be. This is where I called home, this depressing wasteland of no bodies. Today the sun was in full force and it was a scorching 47*. It reminded me of when I was younger, in 2013 there were swimming pools, beach days, and ice cream trucks. That all became history in 2016, the poles reversed their magnetic fields and plunged the northern hemisphere into an ice age, at the same time causing uncontrollable droughts in the southern hemisphere. With scientific advances skyrocketing in the previous years, we genetically enhanced the human races' ability to adapt to changing environments. 22% of Earths population took to the adaptations well, the other 78% died. They all just died, deteriorating to unknown people of what seemed like a time long ago. These are the most important people to my research, proving most humans are just pawns in a war they could never comprehend.

FEBRUARY 13, 2019

11:43

"uh, I am stuffed" there was no response from my abandoned kitchen. Everyone I know, everyone I loved, gone, they never made it through the treatments. There was no known location of James or Michael, or even if they were alive... I thought of them everyday, they were my drive, the reason I kept myself from killing myself. "Today is the day I find my location for my new home, a research lab, something I can control completely. Underground, deep, safe from the environment, somewhere I can keep myself and others I find alive. I gather my gear, put on my jacket, and leave.

FEBRUARY 13

13:17

I walk through the wasteland and look at the building that were once stores, shops, restaurants, and malls. " I wonder which of these will be my lab? These all were places I used to go as a kid, I even worked at a few of them. I can't believe this was all destroyed in just 3 years.. I miss my old life." I came upon the WalMart near what used to be Springfield Massachusetts. I searched for an entrance, everything was locked, boarded up, and chained together. I wander around, coming across the outdoor section of the garden center. I look through the prison like gate, which once housed flowers, lawn mowers, and all the things you could ever need for gardening. "this is how I'm gonna do it!" I pry the gate open at one of the sliding sections of gate. I squeeze through and the gate, clashes against itself as I stand up. I walk to the door and discover a door, no chains, no boards...no locks. I back up about 30 yards, sprint full force into the door. It crashes open, when I readjust to the new surrounding, I am overcome with joy, hope, and a feeling of accomplishment. The abandoned WalMart was lit up, it had power! "Finally, I have found a suitable place to get started on my lab!" The shelves were still stocked with tools, electronics, food (which was mostly useless at this point), and clothing! I wander the empty store, looking for tools to aid my needs. I go to gardening and grab a pickaxe, shovel, and a wheel barrel. I go to the shoes section of the store, rip the shelves down and throw the shoes aside. After I clear myself a space of about 30ft by 30ft I begin my tunneling.

FEBRUARY 13

15:25

"Wow, this is harder than I expected" I had only accomplished a depth of about one foot on the square area. I knew I needed help...but from who? No one was around, I hadn't talked to a human in 743 days. "Fuck this, it'll never work, its not worth it!" I through down my shovel, stormed out of WalMart and hiked home.

I was tired from my failed excavation, I felt disappointed, like I had just failed my drivers test. "SULLIVAN!?" said a familiar sounding voice as I walked down my dirt road. I snapped around with intent to shoot whoever it was, as I drew my gun I smiled, shed a tear, and dropped it. "Michael? I have been searching for you since the day the world froze over...is it really you?" "yes sully, its me. I left my home in Florida to come see if you lived through this nightmare." "wow, I can't believe it, your actually here, you came back..." "well believe it, I'm here and I know James is around still, he told me he was going to his vacation house for a few years, I knew we would all meet up one day." well we need to find him! I hope he's alive.." as we entered my house, Micheal stopped at the front door, and he removed his shoes, just as my mother always wanted. "so where are your parents?" Michael said with a caring tone. "dead. They died once the ice appeared." Michael's face dropped to one of guilt, "I'm sorry Sull..." "Don't, its fine." I just

finished making tea, I went to the cabinet and grabbed the sugar. "still drink yours with 3 sugars mike?" "I see you haven't forgotten a damn thing sully, sharp as always."

CHAPTER 2

A SUCCESSFUL ENDEAVOR

As the sun rose from what seemed to be an unending night, Mike and I unbolted the lock's from our shelter, which had finally been w q the week before, the WalMart was now the number one safezone for surviving. Or so I thought, as we entered the isles of rundown old equipment, the smell of stale food and the sound of mice filled the store. Everything that was once civilization has been turned to rubble, the common man no longer has beliefs, morals, or

[michellemuniz]

Hope in Korea

It was our first lunch in Seoul. We walked to a restaurant, headed to a room reserved for us, left our shoes at the door and sat down. Table was already filled with different plates with food. Right then, I started asking what I asked throughout the whole trip while pointing out at things: “what’s this?” and “what’s that?”. I certainly felt like an annoying little kid (I didn’t want to, though!), but I really wanted to learn what was on the table. Seeing my bowl with white rice always made me happy, since rice is a staple food at home, but most of the time in Korea I really wasn’t sure what was served in front of me. The saying “barriga llena, corazón contento” (“Filled tummy, happy heart”) that we constantly say in Puerto Rico was basically my thought after every meal. At the end of this trip, my heart was happy, and food was just one of the reasons why.

Last November, I was able to visit Korea as part of a Travel Study Seminar with the PCUSA Peacemaking Program. This was not your usual touristy trip, but an intentional opportunity to learn about issues present in the place you visit. The interjection between the country’s history and today’s conflicts is shared through local voices in church and/or partner organizations. After the trip, the invitation is to return home and share with your community what you’ve witnessed and learned. I had the opportunity to go to Colombia in 2015 and didn’t want to miss this as I knew it will challenge the participants to get a deeper perspective into the issues in Korea. This has been the furthest I’ve been from home. 

We had the opportunity to visit different places in Seoul, Jeju Island, the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in Cheorwon, Nogeun-Ri, among other. The irony between walking around very beautiful landscapes that were actually the scenario for massacres and cruel events was overwhelming. However, it was inspiring to witness so many powerful voices -in the midst of mourning and sorrow- advocating for peace in the Korean Peninsula. 

During my time in Korea, I was constantly reminded of cultural differences while realizing there are more similarities to home than I thought. In less deep but truly engaged activities, I also had some time for norebang.

Few weeks ago, I was asked if I could compare US presence in South Korea with their presence in Puerto Rico. I have to say I constantly found myself in conflict while listening about US Military influence and presence in South Korea, while also remembering over 60,000 Puerto Ricans fought in the Korean War. It felt like I was caught up in the middle of an issue and could identify with both parts.

It was hard visiting a place like Nogeun-ri, while listening to the sound of a small stream with a beautiful fall-colored scenery in the background, and reflect about the lives that were killed by the US Army during the Korean War. We walked through the 2-tunnel bridge as a survivor shared his story while showing bullet marks on the wall reminding all of us this historic event wasn’t that long ago. Next to the bridge, a Peace Park honoring the lives lost there and inviting people to learn, reflect in what this meant, and how it got public attention. A story that also shook me was one of a mother who was shot dead while nursing her baby. 

Back in Seoul, we learned more in depth about “comfort women”, who were sexually exploited by Japanese soldiers in Korea and other countries. Their stories were silenced for too long. Today, advocates not only lead an inspiring but challenging museum to tell these true stories, but also meet every single Wednesday for a demonstration in front of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul asking for their government to apologize. We were able to participate in one demonstration while we were there. They have been doing these Wednesdays demonstrations for 25 years. Every. Single. Wednesday.

(photo by Gregg Brekke, Presbyterian News Service) You can read more about our participation at the Wednesday demonstration, visit to DMZ and Nogeun-ri here.

We also spent few days in Jeju Island. This is a known location for celebrities to have their houses, but it holds a dark history of apprehension, tension and death. Learning about the 4.3 Uprising and Massacre, and all the events surrounding it in a period of years, was as sad and frustrating as it could be. History is there, and yet it still struggles to get acknowledged.

We visited the Gangyeong community, where a newly-constructed military base was built on their shore, for debatable reasons. While we went and learn about the advocacy work done there, we participated in a protest that took place at the gates of the base. It was unexpected to see the joy walking alongside tension. After walking and hosting a rally at the gates, we sang, danced (even those of us foreigners completely lost on the choreography but trying our best!), and celebrated as a community. 

Jeju island reminded me to the efforts in Vieques (municipality-island southeast of Puerto Rico) to remove the military base that served as a bombing-test field over 10 years ago. The conversation about independence, political views and the constant criminalization of advocates in Jeju seemed I was hearing about home and not about something happening across the world. During our visit, we met with resilient leaders about their experiences and struggles. I was inspired to see young leaders alongside experienced advocates involved in this.  

You can read more about our visit to Jeju here.

One Korea

Even thought it may sound like some kind of utopia on this side of the world, I was fortunate to hear the local perspective around the unification of the Koreas. Regardless of how far or near this may seem (now with US government having this conversation), there is a common hope for the Korean Peninsula to re-unite (which comes as a surprise to many who ask about my trip). It was interesting to hear how many Koreans felt about current US Government and how they are paying attention to the conversations of US with North Korea, at the same time they still fear because of how unpredictable decisions or logistics may be (I think I can relate to that too…). We constantly reflected in the near-yet-so-far desire for peace, especially as we sat down looking out to North Korean mountains from a hill near the DMZ area in Cheorwon, in South Korea.

This study seminar, brought a whole set of “firsts” for me. It was my first time ever in Asia, first time ever in a country where I didn’t speak the language fluently, and interestingly enough first time being an extremely small minority. I remember visiting a shopping mall with Shinhye and Hanbyeol, both PCUSA YAV Alumni’s, saying: “I think I’m the only Latina here”, and Hanbyeol responding: “You may be the only foreigner.”

The hope I witnessed -through the work of fearless leaders and advocates in their pursue for peace in the Korean Peninsula- was inspiring. I enjoyed learning about the connections between the Presbyterian Church (USA) and the local Church in Korea. It was amazing to see collaborations and partnerships all over, from church leaders all the way to grassroots organizations leaders. 

There were moments where I felt home (I could relate to Koreans so much), others where I was completely out of my comfort zone and felt completely naive about certain topics. There were moments were I was speechless and deeply heartbroken, alongside moments where I got to laugh, eat and dance with the community that was welcoming us. There was always an encouraging sense of community everywhere we went. Even though it may feel far away from true (for some), after listening to so many who are working for this, I do believe peace and reunification in Korea is possible. 

Additional links about our Travel Study Seminar Presbyterian Peacemaking 2018 Travel Study Seminar under way in Korea Korean Travel Study Seminar worships with Seoul congregations, visits partners [In Korean] Article about our participation at the Wednesday demonstration in Seoul

[consecrated2christ]

Back there again...

Hello friends!

I sincerely hope you had a restful Christmas and were able to celebrate the New Year with close friends & family.

I happened to get quite sick over the holiday break but perhaps it was much needed with all that went on this year.

I was literally home for about 2 weeks...hadn't gone out but for a few important occassions like my brother's engagement party.

Part of me believes I've been slowly becoming an introvert (gain energy from being alone) after dealing with burnt out and my diagnosis with generalized anxiety. (Since 2016) However I still do get bursts of energy from being with people...maybe the difference is the type. Ie. healthy vs. unhealthy.

Personally, I know we're all broken people but find it's a deal breaker in relationships (romantic and non) to not want to deal with your issues. But I totally understand the initial "putting off" of painful experiences and emotions. I do it too... I just mean being a person who doesn't want to change at all -- the whole "I am who I am" mentality.

Anyway this past Monday, my mom and I wanted to have an outing together. She has a chronic illness and this prevents her from working outside the home and doing normal errands. It's like when your phone battery stops charging completely and you only end up with 30% after a normal charging period. Or in humans terms, sleep. To give some context, my mom started showing symptoms when I was 11. So we've dealt with this as a family for about 15 years now.

Regardless of her illness, I have come to love my special time with mom. I say "come" because my teen years would have said otherwise. Not to say though that I don't love my mom unconditionally...it's more that my raging hormones complicated things. So while my mom had good intentions of wanting to have time alone...it would all depend on my mood.

I will say though that experiencing my mom's illness with her has been a journey to say the least and used to really blame Jesus for it. Anyway another story within itself...

Back to this story. My mom ended up not being well enough to do the errands that we were planning on doing together. This is what I mean by our special dates. Sometimes it may just be as simple as returning an article of clothing and looking for some fabric. My dad ended up going with me after work and was just honestly thankful to get out of the house for my own sanity.

We first drove to Old Navy to return a coat from Christmas for my brother. The sales clerk said she couldn't process the order at the store because it was an online purchase. Back on the road again. Next we headed to a pretty low key mall to look at some fabric that my mom needed for our dining room chairs. As it turns out, the place she had in mind was close by but not where she initially thought. Next we then purchased some Pad Thai for dinner that night at the mall and then headed to our last stop for the day.

So we get there and my mind was overwhelmed with all the fabric inside. I am an artsy person in other ways (makeup, music, etc) but find any kind of crafy store to not be my cup of tea. However I appreciate those blessed with this type of creative mind and skillful hands. My fine motor skills are terrible to say the least. ;)

After we take a couple of pictures of potential colours and specific fabrics for my mom to see. (They didn't offer swatches)

As we head out and continue driving down this street...part of my brain recognizes this area. Now I recalled how I'd been here once or twice with my family for this Polish supermarket and one of my mom's favourtie restaurants. Still...something peaked my interest.

Then it hit me after seeing some specific land markers. I say land markers because I am directionally challenged without my GPS, so had previously defined a place by what it sold.

This is the place where I tried to commit suicide.

I remember like it was yesterday: hopped on the closest bus to my house and just headed south. Then got off at a random stop and went to go pick my poision. Then I drank it with another sugary beverage and walked into these woods. I didn't take any IDs or my cell phone. ((NEVER DO THIS)) All I had what was on my back. I then proceeded to drink the poision and walk into the woods. It wasn't super dark yet but remember how cold it was on my hands.

Kept walking but nothing happened. I drank some more.

Being in one of the darkest places of my mind is where I then headed down the street where this fabric store was on. It was one of those roads that had lots of industrial places and kept going for miles. It was in this moment that I was so angry why this plan hadn't worked. Stubbornly I kept walking. My stomach was growling to the point of no return and felt a bit light headed from not eating for a few hours.

I then came across this coffee shop. I caved and ordered some food.

Looking back, no one on the bus or in the coffee shop knew what had happened. Only God Himself.

Afterwards I saw a familar bus that I knew which headed back into my old neighbourhood. I ended up at a local plaza and called my mom on the pay phone. She then sent my dad to pick me up.

A question that close friends ask me is, did you go back to our childhood neighbourhood because it was a safe place for you? Maybe but it was ultimately God who provided a familar route in the midst of a destructive night.

Now I know what you might be thinking...why are you writing this on the internet? Shouldn't you first talk to a counselor and/or a parent? Yes I've done both and am on medication. (See previous post for more of that story)

Some say it isn't wise to disclose your deepest thoughts on the internet or in the workplace. They might unfairly judge you. Maybe...probably...

But part of me needed to get this off my chest and properly process it outloud. (Where my extrovert habits come in)

I say this with my deepest love and care for you my Tumblr community. Looking back, 10 year old Lizzy had no idea what her thoughts and actions were capable of.

Part of it is genetics. My grandpa who passed away last year deals with depression. So does my mom and brother. Thank the Lord for my mentally sane father!! And of course Heavenly Father.

I was reminded when watching a movie where this kid experiences a messed up childhood that we can't always control the negative things that happen to us. Ultimately it's deeply rooted in our sinful nature and our pride that insits that we have to be in control.

As a Jesus follower, I'm not promised that my life won't be without deep and painful moments. But I am and can hold God to His promises that He is faithful and is putting together those broken pieces of my life. Slowly and in His timing.

So this post is for the doubting Christian and the unbeliever too. We all wrestle with from time to time on if we're truly alone in this world. I can tell you with full assurance that you're never alone. Just like I was when I attempted suicide.

Maybe you have noticed that certain things fall together for your benefit. Like a chaotic day at work or school had moments where it all made a small ounce of sense. That was probably God.

So while there are lots of people who doubt His existence I can reassure you of His work in my life.

Even the demons believe there is a God!

So let me end with that Tumblr. God is not dead.

By Christ's grace, ~Lizzy xoxo

[dreamsinthefoxhollow]

Helping the Gods

I was driving a 4x4, following someone else in theirs, up a winding dirt road that headed from the valley into the hills. For a moment I was talking to myself, saying this 4x4 wasn't my old Jeep. It was new, and was a jumble of different shapes, more modern and boxy, but also rounded. I had to tell myself this really was mine, this new version, and it was a good vehicle. In my wandering thoughts, I had fallen a little behind, and had to speed a little to catch up. The person I had been following had already stopped up ahead. It was near a building on the side of the road, amid the rocks and trees. It was a villa of some kind. No. It was more like a familiar retreat; a special place I had known from the past. I slowly drove past where he had stopped in his darker-colored vehicle, and looked at the side of the building. It was pink, or peach, or maybe salmon in color, and there was a garden, and plants in pots.

Then I was miles away on a different road. I had someone in the passenger seat (I think it was mother, but maybe not). I heard a person's voice like a phone call, or telepathy, asking if I was going to come and join. Everyone was there and waiting. Maybe it was just road noise making the voice of the person next to me sound distant. I had a strange feeling they weren’t the one speaking to me. It was getting dark and I focused out the window to the distance. Ahead was a choice of different winding roads. One was bathed in a streak of black. It looked like a strip of liquid tar. The blackness was leading me toward the correct path, and I followed it. The Jeep I was driving, which might have been red and I just hadn’t noticed it before, was doing an admirable job of getting through the rough sand and over the large rocks, and maneuvering through the narrow gullies of the jagged trail the road had become.

I arrived at a different side of the same building, and I was now alone in the vehicle. Was there really ever anyone with me or had it been my imagination? I stopped and got down, and went inside through a hidden entrance in the wall. There I found a group of …. People … if you could call them such. They were immobile like statues. They were silently sitting on the floor in two rows, facing each other, with a low banquet table between them. Or maybe it was a bare table with intricate designs on the surface. It was dark, but there was light that seemed to come from an unseen fireplace on the table itself. Every person looked like a normal person, but was larger, taller. Their shadows, cast from that unseen firelight, were twisted shapes that were not human at all. The people were both males and females and it seemed they wore white robes and had blue and gold adornments. I could only see them as such from my peripheral vision. If I stared directly at them I could not see them dressed and ornamented, but only as naked human forms, though larger than normal. I realized they were all Egyptian Gods and Goddesses.

I found a place nearby and I sat among them. They all were suddenly animated, as if a universal pause had suddenly ended, and everyone was having a wonderful time. We were sharing stories and gossip and laughing until we fell over from lack of breath. It had been a very long time since I had joined them for such festivities.

But such things came at a price, for I was not one of them. I was merely a normal person. A mortal. And the itching on the left side of my neck told me I had stayed too long. The itching was a sign of a bad reaction to being exposed to these beings. As I scratched I noticed the itch on the side of my neck was a lump, a large boil perhaps. It gave under the scratching and suddenly burst, spraying pus onto my forehead.

The beings, even still playful and laughing, knew that it meant the gathering was at an end. It was out of respect to not injure me further after I had so willingly joined in the fun, or it was for … the other person … Wait. There was another person there. They had been there before than I arrived. They had been exposed longer. They were in extreme danger. I reached over and pulled them by the arm but they were dazed and unresponsive.

Then I was in an upstairs room of the building. But now the building had changed and was more of a normal, old-west style adobe building, with a wood frame inside and oil lamps on timbers for light. I was tending to the wound on my neck. It hadn't gotten any worse after the gross splattering earlier, and the swelling had gone down and the open wound itself had sealed under a round scab. That was a gift from the Gods, to heal so fast after exposure. It was a true gift, as they only did that because of the amiable companion I had been. I was still wiping away the splatter, though, while looking in a round mirror over what seemed to be a wooden wash bin, lit by a nearby oil lamp.

Men broke through the door with a startling crash. They were all dressed in the style of the old west, or straight out of a spaghetti western film. They had old-style revolver pistols and were waving them threateningly, asking questions, seeking what they kept calling "the riches" which they knew were hidden in the building. Someone had mentioned gold, they said, and they wanted whatever treasure was there. I didn't answer. I only stood with my hands up. They ignored me for the most part and quickly searched the room.

They broke open what looked like a wooden closet door. Behind the door was a sea of boiling liquid blackness. It was framed by the doorframe like a monolith of blackness. The man who broke open the door stepped back in shock, then his face lit up with terror. Within seconds he was screaming in agony, his face and body contorted as the forces on the other side of that liquid-like membrane tore away his life. He aged instantly, hair going white and falling out in clumps, features becoming ashen pale, eyes shrunken into his head, skin clinging tight to a receding skeletal frame. I calmly toweled my face and walked away without looking back. I knew the other men were similarly affected, no matter where or how far they were from the void. It was their own fault for opening the door to the “other place,” which was the place those beings – Gods - had come from. These men, their souls filled with ill-intent, had found the treasure and were getting their "reward."

I left the building, the desert countryside, the dirt roads, and went back to life in the city, filled with cars and streets and work. Yet I was troubled. I had lost a friend when I was much younger. I remembered him, and felt like he should be with me and not dead, like he should be right there with me now. Then I remembered something I had seen, or heard, or smelled. It was something out in the desert when I had attended the festival with those Gods. There was something that reminded me of him back then that I had forgotten until just now. It was something only he used to do.

And then I noticed it again, in a median of the street as I walked.

It was a simple wad of chewed gum, back in the silver foil wrapper, wadded into a ball, but stuck onto a nearby bush branch or flower branch and made to look like it was a bulb of the plant. Only he did that. Suddenly I was seeing more of them. I even saw one at the shopping mall across the street. I had this feeling he was right there with me, following me, and could see me and was leaving these wrappers for me to notice and know he was there. But I could not see him.

But that was broken by a sudden vision which overpowered my senses.

I was seeing a vehicle, a horse-drawn chariot perhaps, but without horses. It was moving along a dirt roadway in the desert. I caught a glimpse of someone inside, dressed in white robes with gold adornments. But it was not a person. It looked something like an eagle or other large bird. The vehicle was stopped suddenly, upended, flipped sideways, as if tossed by a powerful, unseen force. A woman fell out of it and slid across the sandy road. But, she was then dragged as if by some invisible rope, sliding along further and further from the toppled carriage, leaving a bubbling streak of black in her wake. She finally came to rest quite a distance away in a tossed heap of white cloth. She attempted to get up, and managed to get her hands under herself to prop herself up a bit. She wanted to close the gash, seal the black inky roiling membrane that had been exposed. She reached out towards it, but she was blocked. Two pairs of naked human shapes appeared in front of her. They were men and two women, embracing each other with linked arms as if they were sitting on the ground in a chain. They were staring at her in silence. They were responsible for the entire incident, and were using some kind of magic to prevent her from getting up, or sealing the dark opening that had been created behind her. They wanted this thing open, this void. It could bring about the end of the world if not sealed, and if someone with enough power and knowledge knew how to use it. They knew. They Had the power. They were going to bring about the end of all life, everywhere.

The woman leaned forward and stared at them as if trying to see through them, or to even see them. She moved to the left and right, staring from different angles. When I focused my vision on her, I could no longer see her clothing at all, only a naked human form like the others. She was big, tall, easily twice the size of the people blocking the path. She laughed. It was a laugh of excitement. She spoke in a strange language that my ears couldn't comprehend, but Her words were clear in my head. She was laughing at this display of brazen disrespect, this challenge from mortals against the Gods. It was exciting to her.

Then that vision faded and was gone, but replaced by another.

It … wasn’t a vision. It was some kind of memory. It was the friend I had lost. We were together. We had found a canoe. The memory also faded but I had a strong sense of urgency. I had to find that canoe again and take it to the desert. Someone would be waiting for me there. It was very important that I do it as soon as possible.

The visions and memories were gone, and I was walking the city streets at dusk, searching aimlessly and following hints of memories long forgotten. I felt someone was following me. I noticed them from a side-glance. It was the same person who I had been out on the 4x4 journey with, the one who was in the passenger seat for a moment of the journey. I stopped and looked into a clump of weeds and bushes that seemed to be in a median of the deserted street. I spoke up so that person could hear me. I said my friend had left his signature right there. I pointed to a little ball of paper on top of some branches in the weeds. The person following me didn't see what I was pointing at, and didn't quite understand, and said I was crazy. I poked around in the bushes and there was some broken wooden thing there. It … could have been a canoe at one time, or just a broken park bench, or even just some wooden things abandoned long ago and unrecognizable. I suddenly knew that was what I was looking for, and I had to take that to the desert.

A storm was coming in. It wasn’t a normal storm. It felt like the end of the world. It was getting colder and windy. Thunder was rolling through the air. We drove together out to the desert and to a cliffside. It seemed to be a cliff made up of several stacked ancient stone buildings whose walls were broken and whose rooms were bare and exposed. I was dragging the wooden thing up the walls. I was heading higher and deeper into the abandoned buildings, which were turning into a maze. Lighting was making everything bright for brief moments. The person was pushing the wooden thing from behind as I pulled. It started to rain. The wind was icy cold. I was losing my footing. I slipped.

A familiar hand reached to me from above and caught me by the hand.

The person below me caught a glimpse of who was above, in a flash of lightning, and screamed in terror. They tumbled and bounced down the walls in a hurried escape. I looked past the golden clawtips and slender, black hand which wrapped mine, to the wet silk robes adorned with gold and silver and beads of all colors, to the canine-like head staring down at me. Lord Anubis smiled warmly and pulled me up to the next level on the mountain of broken buildings, and helped me find the way out of the storm and deeper into the maze. I was carrying the wooden frame on my back.

Anubis was twice as tall as I was but didn’t seem to look down on me at all. He was guiding me with calm words and calm gestures, beaconing and urging me onward into the depths.

We ended up at a building that seemed to be in a large cavern. Or perhaps deep in that maze we had crossed out of the human realm and into another place outside of the universe. The building was long, shaped like an upside-down boat hull, and looked extremely smooth. It had bright tiles all over it, each sort of blending into the surface instead of being defined. They seemed to overlap in places or were bare in others, at random. Overall it made the building look like it was made of gold, with highlights of red and blue and purple and white. It wasn't very large, maybe three stories tall at most, but quite a lot longer. It seemed to curve around, or expand in size, as I gazed along the length of it, as if it were somehow curving space around itself.

Anubis guided me to the side of the building, just past the curved fore-end. He instructed me to touch a blue rectangle on the side. It was vertically long but very narrow and was blended in with other colored areas. I could barely see it. It all seemed sort of fuzzy and blended in together. I touched it and found the surface was indeed smooth, but not glossy. It was just smooth and soft to the touch. As soon as I touched the spot, the side of the building changed. It seemed to extrude a simple ladder, or steep stairs. Anubis told me he could not follow me, but that I had to hurry. I thanked him and stepped onto the first step. When my foot rested on it I was suddenly wrapped in soft warmth, as if the building itself had wrapped around me. I didn’t take another step, but was drawn up in an unseen, gentle grip and deposited at an alcove or a balcony near the top.

I now knew what to I had to do. I had to bridge the gap to the underworld. I had to help the goddess Mut seal the gash which had been ripped open - the gash that separated the other world from the human world and was threatening to destroy both. It was the gash left behind when the woman was forced from the chariot by those mortals. That woman was a projection of Mut. I had to use the broken wood, the canoe, by placing it on a specific spot on the building, climbing onto it, and concentrating on healing the rupture. The friend who I had lost had been working from the underworld side to do the same, shadowing me in the living world, leaving small clues to guide me as much as possible. Together we could help, but only if we could do it before it was too late.

And suddenly I was seeing the world ending in front of me. It was like a vision, but it was actually happening outside the cavern as I was watching. The darkness was swallowing the living world. The underworld was breaking apart. The storms were destroying both realms. I knew time was short and I had to act before it was too late.

[purplesurveys]

374

have you ever had a conversation with a cab driver? Yeah some of them have tried to talk to me, but I’m really shy so I keep my answers short most of the time and I let them know that I’d rather be quiet. Although there was one time that I got paired with an Uber driver who made it his job to defend Duterte throughout my ride, and it took everything in me not to snap back at him lmao. do you have any shirts from vacation/tourist locations? I don’t really do that haha. I’d rather save photos and bracelets. what is one place you would like to go back and revisit? SAGADA. I went there when I had my heart broken and was in a different place in life, and I was scared and reeling from a lot of things and figuring out what I wanted. Now that I’m a little older, I’d love to go back since the trip helped me out a lot. which would you prefer: a homemade gift, or a store-bought one? A gift is a gift and I’d appreciate either. have you ever hugged a complete stranger? I...don’t think so? We may have been tasked to do it in school, but I’m not entirely sure.

when was the last time you were "under the influence?" Exactly 7 days ago. God don’t remind me hahaha I said some embarrassing stuff in front of my aunts and uncles. how regular of an occurrence is this? Not too often, since I’m really busy with school at the moment. I would most likely drink out after I’ve finished a test that I dreaded or passed a difficult paper. what random acts of kindness have you engaged in lately? I wrote Laurice a two-page, handwritten letter thanking her for making my 2018 better. I mean we were required to write letters for our Santa babies, but I’d classify this as an ~act of kindness~ since I knew everyone would opt to write short letters on a small post-it or print out their letters, so I gave her something she probably wasn’t expecting from me. do you know anyone who has never read the HP books? who? I don’t think so. I read up until the blue book, but I got so bored and I never read the whole thing again. have you ever had a relationship last for a year or longer? You’re looking at three years, my dude. what ended it, or are you still involved? Still involved. what kind of scented lotion is your favorite? I like anything that smells chocolate-y tbh. where's the weirdest place you've stuck your used gum? ??? The only place I’ve put my gum in is in wrapped paper and subsequently thrown in the trash. what's the best time you've had at a high school sports game? Basketball finals are always a hit, whether my batch is playing or not. if you're out late, where are you likely to be? Either Katip because that’s where my school is, or in Ortigas since that’s where Gab’s school is. do you ever visit your mall's arcade (if it has one)? Gabie will never let herself slip by an arcade, so yeah we almost always pass by. when was the last time you had hot chocolate? Months ago...I don’t like hot drinks. shirts with sarcastic sayings: yay, or boo? I’d go for boo for any shirt with any saying on it, but I wouldn’t judge anyone who likes wearing them. if “yay,” do you have a favorite? if you lost the use of your limbs, would you still want to live? This is so insulting to those who miss an arm or a leg lmfaoooooo what's your absolute favorite topic to discuss? Pro wrestling, world history, the royal family, Friends, The Walking Dead before it went south, wedding/family prospects, and idk maybe gossip? HAHAHA I deserve hell. what is your least favorite topic to discuss? Religion. Not even theories or scandals can lure me in. when was the last time you played hide-and-go-seek? I was 10 maybe. where was your favorite place to hide? My parents’ closet, because my sister never checked it out. what is your opinion on psychics? real, or fake? Fake. have you ever watched “are you smarter than a fifth grader?” Yeah there was a Philippine version that aired for a while. how would you rank your "class participation" in school? I’d say it’s pretty good. I never recite but I make up for it by rarely cutting class and always passing stuff and looking like I’m really interested in the lecture, which most times I am anyway. have you ever cut your own hair? how about anyone else's? Never for both. I cut my sister’s hair once but I was 4 and she was 2 so that doesn’t count. what is your favorite holiday treat? Our Christmas tradition is my grandmother making us steaks instead of the traditional hamon and queso de bola, so that has to be my favorite. how many people have you emotionally hurt? ...I wouldn’t know. Seems like a really intrusive/insensitive question there. how many people have you physically hurt? My siblings and cousins hit each other a lot as kids so it’s probably just them? I never hit anyone outside of that circle. were these times intentional, or were they accidents/mistakes? For the physical one it’s for sure intentional, because we wrestled a lot. Plus my sister and I were the only girls, so conflicts were always fixed by smacking each other hahaha. what is the last thing you asked your parents to purchase for you? Potato chips. do you have any buttons or pins on your backpack? Sure. The buttons are there to secure the bag when I close it. if yes, what do they say? Ohhhhh you mean the other type of button HAHAHAHA. No I don’t have that kind of button/pin. what is your favorite kind of lunch meat? I had to look up what this referred to since we don’t eat that here. I don’t have a favorite. do you know anyone who is truly obsessive compulsive? My mom is probably the closest case I could give you. She’ll know if something has been rearranged in the house by a mere inch, and whenever she leaves the house she will check if the front door is locked three times. have you ever been confined to a wheelchair? I’ve never even sat in one. how many “top friends” do you have on myspace? do you like oatmeal? I hate it. My grandma made me eat it for breakfast 2-3 times a week and it felt like eating a dirty rag. I’ve never eaten a bowl of oatmeal since. how many people are on your bzoink friends list? do you enjoy mainstream music, or prefer underground bands? I listen to whatever my ears feel like listening to...I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to whether they were mainstream or not. how many bands are you “friends” with on myspace? are you friends with more bands than individual people? do you have a library card? do you use it? I haven’t used one since 2005. do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes, if he’s not so stinky. do you have any candy left over from halloween? Halloween was nearly three months ago sis. have you heard of paula godspeed? Never heard of her. have you ever made a bzoink friend test? who has the best score on it? do you think that you work better under pressure? I can, depending on the work. or, do you ONLY work under pressure? Sometimes. I dunno for sure, I don’t have one sole routine when it comes to working, and the way I act is always different for every case. what college did you want to attend as a kid? When I was young and delusional I wanted to go to Ateneo (yuck), but over the years I shifted my sights to UP Diliman. My first choice was always journalism. was that still your choice when you grew up? Yes. I still love UP, but now I ask myself why I decided to pursue journ at all.  what sports star or athlete did you aspire to be like as a kid? I didn’t aspire to be like him but I definitely looked up to Shawn Michaels. what has happened to all your old toys? My mom would throw them out after a few months or years, depending on how attached I was to them. when was the last time you shopped at a garage sale? Yeeeeears ago. I don’t drop by those anymore. have you ever thrown popcorn at anyone? Never.

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

[justoneday-namjoonii]

JK  (I’m stalling...)

A/n: ok so I made this for myself because i mean the gif was too good not to use for something, it’s random. I’m legit trying to stall for midnight circus. Happy December btw🎄🎄🎄

Let’s go to the mall they said, we all need new winter outfits they said—so I tagged along to the never ending shopping crusade. Of course you decided to binge watch your favorite series last night and as a result of that you were dead tired. So, on the 5th store you stopped to get a cinnamon sugar soft pretzel with cream cheese and a drink. You purchased your clothes and took them to the car so you wouldn’t have to lug them all over the mall. So there you sat, slowing becoming part of the bench you sat on.

“Hey.” 

He came into your line of vision and you cringed—why must he come on the only day you decided to come to the mall. “How did you find me...” You relaxed back into your seat and he grabbed a piece of your pretzel, popping it into his mouth.

“I wasn’t looking for you, this is sheer coincidence.” He sighed, making himself comfortable right beside you. “What’re you doing here, you’re at the mall by yourself?”

“No,” You retorted, “are you?” 

“Nah, my mom is getting decorations for her little party thing.” He sighed. “I’m just tagging along.”

“Okay, so why aren’t you with her?”

“Got bored.” He grabbed another one of your pretzels and you scooted to the corner of the bench. 

“Unless you want your fingers dislocated one by one, I suggest you stop.” You threatened—if he wasn’t such a disgustingly little spawn of satan-child you might just share with him.

“Grr,” He mocked, standing to his feet and fluffing his hair, “calm down. She wants me to get a nice shirt for the party, help me pick one.” He grabbed your arm and started pulling you towards the store.

“WH- Why are you pulling me?!” You yanked against him and he had to audacity to laugh. “Jungkook, stop I’m-”

“She said I needed a women's eye to see if it looks good, I don’t know why, I have great taste.” you couldn’t argue with him on that. “You have nothing else to do, so come on.” You just followed him, deciding you’d go with him anyway—at least this would be entertaining.

He walked into the storefront and surveyed the land, you didn’t have time for his extra behind, you needed to get this finished and leave.

“Just pick a section.” You interrupted his train of thought, he just blew you off going off in the right and you followed behind him.

You thought shopping with your friends was exhausting, this child was picky—extremely picky.

“What about this one?-” You held up the eighth shirt.

“Too green, that green isn’t my color.” He mumbled, fumbling through the racks with an intense focused look. “Look for more neutral colors, like blues, white, black, red, nothing too bright...” It was crazy how he could switch like this—one minute he’s harassing you, the next he’s acting like innocence is all he’s ever known. 

“That’s the eighth shirt you’ve rejected.” You were irritated. “I’m leaving.” Of course you weren’t really leaving but even if you were he wasn’t gonna let you.

“I’ll pick, you evaluate.” That was fair enough.

“Fine.” You found a little stool near the shoe isle and you stationed there. He skimmed through the racks with intent to find the perfect item, you wished that item would just throw itself at him. Unbeknownst to you, he was watching you fondly, your eyes would follow some people in the store and also him. He had to admit, he was glad to see you, after all that’s happened he was sure you’d bow to never speak to him, but here you are—it was nice.

“Ooo, I like this” He pulled out nice top and held it up to himself in the mirror. “Baby, what’d you think?”

“Um, it’s a nice shirt.” You cocked your head to the side and tried to envision what it would look like on but you weren’t sure. “But I don’t know. Try it on, then I’ll decide.”

“Okay.” He began to unbutton his shirt and soon it was off and in your hands.

“What are you doing?!” You exclaimed, looking around to make sure no one was watching. “You can’t change out here.” You frowned at the fact that he found your protests against it amusing.

“Don't care.” He slipped the shirt on and you had to admit, he looked good. “What'd you think? You like it?” He knew you did, he just wanted to hear you say it.

“Yes, I like it, now go into the dressing room.” You quipped and he only smirked.

“Come here and feel how it fits.” That had to be the most obvious invitation to touch him and you harshly declined.

“Put your clothes back on and go in the changing room!” You hissed, trying not to be too loud, there were other costumers in the store.

“Go in with me.” You didn’t know if that was a question or a statement—either way your answer was no.

“No.” You snorted, was he serious? Did he really think that was going to happen here? In a store full of people that could catch you two in the same stall.

“If you don’t I’ll just embarrass you...” He threatened.

“Embarrass me? How?” His hand went straight for the rack of skimpy undergarments.

He opened his big mouth so those around could here him. “Oh but honey, I already bought you a pair, don’t you need clothes other than pant-” You instantly shot up and shoved him.

“Stop it!” You slapped his arm lightly. “I’ll go in with you, geez...”

He smiled from ear to ear and everything was annoying from there. You sat in the dressing room, shielding your eyes.

“Open your eyes.” He was wearing a different pair of shoes and a new pants. “Gosh, how do you resist me.” He sighed.

“I just do. It looks really nice your mom will like it.” You smiled as he posed in the mirror.

 Ring. Ring. Your phone was buzzing and you put it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Where are you? We’re going by the food court.” Your friend spoke with a worried tone.

“In one of the stores, I’m coming now, see you guys.” And you hung up—you were saved by the ring tone.

“Welp, I gotta go.” You stood and and waited for him to move from the door. “Jungkook-”

He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, not really forcing you to do anything—he just wanted to feel your soft skin again. You squirmed, trying to get away at first but you quickly found yourself resting your hand on his forearm—he’s missed this and to be honest you did too. “I didn’t think I’d miss it but I did...” He mumbled, finally pulling away from you with a little smirk. “I miss that baby, I bet you do to...”

You sighed. “Bye Kook-”

He grabbed your wrist. “Will you call me? I swear if you don’t I’m coming to your house for an explanation.”

“Yeah, maybe.” You smiled sweetly before leaving him in that dressing room alone—that maybe was definitely a yes. No mattter how hard you tried to stay away from him, fate always intertwined your paths.