#Sorry if this topic seemed random or pointless

[harlsqueenzel]

Was Harley Quinn's current design inspired by Jinx's design in Arcane or did DC Comics simply copy it?

I've had this doubt for a while now and it's not the first time that DC has made reference to Jinx, especially because in one of the issues Harley appears with Jinx's hairstyle +

+ and in Rebirth in issue 53 Harley appears with one of the jinx weapons.

Is DC trying to tell us something? Or did they simply realize that there are fans who dream of an impossible crossover between the two characters and made a reference? Bc I just don't know what to think anymore.

Artist: IMPlustration via deviantart

[protect-daniel-james]

I have been writing! There is so much inspiration out there, and my life has been - surprisingly? - going so well lately! I just want to finish some fics before I go on holiday (Netherlands and Belgium) in two weeks.

So, what's in store? Please note that the names are not the real names, they are the names of the files I write the fics in (yes, I am no longer writing directly in drafts of AO3, it was a bit too brave and backfired a couple of times)

Daddy A in the army - this one is taking forever because it is....tough. I got the Zinky Boys book from my local library, and I will probably have to go through that for some more inspiration

His uncle was more pragmatic. “God helps those who help themselves," he said when Roman Arkadyevich brought up the topic of young men returning from their two-year service with wives, kids, apartments, and a bumaga entitling them to vacation in Bulgaria.  With that in mind, Roman Arkadyevich bought the three lucky packets of cigarettes; ready to meet Lady Luck halfway. Naturally, his packets of cigarettes were confiscated on the first day.

Pippo's wedding - this should be a short lemon-y smut because we all know the Inzaghis and we know what they are.

It’s not even ten in the morning and Simone is on his second glass of wine - it’s not a big deal, everyone around the house has already had something, right after their morning coffees, toasting to the groom’s health and happiness, but Simone stayed sober throughout the season, pedantic and precise as ever, wanting to always keep his mind clear throughout the season. Now even the small amount of alcohol, combined with the heavy humid air before the rain that was forecasted for the day, made his head swim.

Numa numa iei - because what's not to love about random EURO pairing

“Nikoushek.” Now he’s mocking him. Nikoushek is a specific memory that not everyone knew about. “Nikoushku,” he corrects him, burying his fingers in the dark roots of his hair. He wishes Adrian kept it longer, all over his head, and didn’t shave the area around his ears and nape. “You use the vocative case when addressing someone.” “Vocative case, what is that. Nikoushku,” Adrian repeats, and his eyes shine brighter than before. “I can’t even speak Romanian properly,” he jokes, before laying his head down on his captain’s bare chest. He can’t resist, and places a quick peck on the skin. He likes the contrast between the bare, hairless chest and the arms covered in tattoos of significant memories from Nicolae’s eventful life. The arms are for the world to see, to learn Nico’s birth date, see the image of his grandmother, admire the colors of the flag, read the names of his children, and get to know the sources of his motivation, Biblical, fictional, inspirational – but the chest is only for him to see.

Juicy - finally putting on "paper" the food kink Ange/Poch fic that celebrates juiciness in all forms, good food, loving good food, loving yourself, and all the good summer Greek-Aussie-and-Argentine stereotypes together.

Juicy. He couldn’t think of a better word. There was so much under his skin - so much to touch and knead and hold onto and rub - and the excess of everything about Ange, his body, his hair, his deep voice, the smile that usually played in the corner of his lip, it all filled Mauricio’s head with a soothing sense that everything will be alright.

Lentemente - it is called this because of the Django Reinhardt song Lentemente mademoiselle, no idea *why* though. It's the Unai x Andoni bookstore!librarian!AU, it's fun and sweet and soft and pointless

“I’m sorry – I noticed you have been standing here with this specific book – “ He quickly glanced at the book’s cover, just to quench his private and nosy curiosity over the book that seemed to have captured the customer’s full attention. It looked like one of those cheap paperbacks dedicated to sensationalistic retelling of history, politics, or anything else – but the cover was nicely done in a clean, aesthetically pleasing way, showing a traditional house façade. Que disent les maisons basques? He had to smile; it didn’t seem like the most thrilling read. “ – and there is a line outside,” he finished his sentence, trying not to seem too judgemental of the book of choice. He made some calculations in his head already – he’d never seen anyone even just remotely interested in buying this book, and he certainly never sold a single copy of it. It was one of those volumes that was always there during the physical inventory and yet Andoni wanted to keep it – if nothing else, it had a nice cover and looked professionally made, which wasn’t the case for some of the faster-selling ones. It was a French-language book, which added a sense of internationalism – and it concerned a local theme, the traditional inscriptions on the lintels of rural houses. It was exactly the kind of book he liked to keep in the shop, even if it wasn’t selling well – it added a sense of rootedness to the place.

[mydarlingedits]

"(if you do resend the request with more specifications please restate the full request, as it's easier for me to only have to reference the current request rather than it and a post I already answered, it makes things quicker/easier for me, thank you for understanding)"

Oh Jeez.

We. Uh.

We may just send in our Guri request later. It seems like both us and you are both tired. Sorry. 😭

- 🐉🌩

Just a restatement of "icon star/circle, [name], [source], sleepy themes, transneutral flag, darker colours" will suffice, you don't have to send in another big in depth ask explaining everything in detail. Especially after you sent in a rather long ask clarifying what you meant by the themes already. It's just easier for me to have all of the information in one place so I don't mess up. I've had to reference multiple posts before for some requests and I almost always initially mess up somehow because of the going back and forth so much, so I've implemented this new rule ᯓᡣ𐭩

Though for future references I don't think you have to include asking me to avoid "hard" topics like the ones you gave examples of (at least for medias that Im not familiar with), especially when you're already providing me with a specific theme that doesn't really match with those topics anyways. (For example you mentioned no random trauma implications and I genuinely dunno how I'd do that with the icon/theme you're wanting anyways so it's just a bit of pointless information to throw in there, plus with the rest of your request it wouldn't thematically fit anyways so it wouldn't make sense for me to randomly add that stuff) ᯓᡣ𐭩

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

☕️ + physical notebooks. Do you use them? What kind do you prefer if so? What kind of book-binding is preferable (spiral-bound, glue-bound, string-bound)? Do you like the notebook covers with woodland scenes / animals / what have you better, or geometric patterns, or quotes? Bookmarks built into notebooks/books, thoughts? (sorry, that's a lot, I'm just curious!)

oooh Robin, what a good opinion topic!! :D

prepare for waaaaaaaaaayyy too many thoughts and opinions about notebooks incoming:

so, physical notebooks. I DO indeed use them! and like any good writer or student, I hoard far far more than I will ever need or probably will ever be able to use in one lifetime.

I mostly use ruled notebooks; unlined ones are great for sketching, but then they're sketchbooks, not notebooks. and I have had a few bullet-dotted notebooks, but I've found that the lines in those are not delineated clearly enough to do much for my handwriting, and the lack of clear lines also makes it harder for me to read my own writing when I look back over them later. so yeah, ruled notebooks do tend to be my favourite.

spiral-bound is the most useful for me, because it's so adaptable; you can lay it completely flat on a table, you can flip it over so you only see one page at a time. you can write all the way to the edge without your handwriting starting to slope downwards and slip into the crack between the pages in the middle of the book. and you can easily and cleanly tear pages out leaving no trace behind if the need to do so arises.

that said, I will still buy glue-bound and string-bound notebooks! I have one or two that people have given me as gifts that I love, and I have one absolutely gorgeous gothic naturalist-y themed one that I bought from a lovely little etsy shop and am saving for a very special use one day. and I recently bought a teeny-tiny book-bound unlined notebook from the dollar store to keep in my pocket and add any random story inspirations or lines of poetry or drawing ideas to whenever they pop into my head while I'm out and about. so there are really no hard and fast rules to which kinds of notebooks I'll buy for my collection!

I do love quotes on my notebooks! especially ones that fit the subject matter I'm planning to fill the notebook with! but I also am first and foremost a Space Girl, so anything with stars or nebulae or galaxies or constellations is pretty much guaranteed to catch my attention. and plain colours are always good too!

bookmarks built into books are always nice. they keep my place for me! they look cool! they're attached to the book itself, so there's no chance I can lose them like I do all my regular bookmarks! what's not to love here! bookmarks built into notebooks are also cool, but intimidating. a lot of times a notebook that's nice enough to have its own built-in bookmark is going to seem completely impossible to use, because I know that anything I write in it won't be worthy of such a lovely notebook. so I'll just end up sticking it on my shelf and gazing at it admiringly and flipping the pages and thinking of how much potential it has, and never actually writing anything in it for fear of messing it up. (I know this is completely silly and absolutely defeats the purpose of buying the notebook in the first place. but it's one of those things I can't seem to fully overcome. I do as a general rule have to be careful that I never own any disposable goods that seem too nice, because then I won't ever want to dispose of them, meaning I'll never use them at all, so they'll just sit around my room taking up space and being absolutely pointless no matter how long and hard I try to rationalize myself out of being That Way about them).

[dieeinsamkeitderprokrastination]

I don’t think I spend a lot of time in the now. Sometimes I catch myself drifting away, but most times I don’t even realize it until I’m a novels worth deep into some story in my mind. I tune out everything while still thinking I’m mentally present. I don’t think I have been mentally present for much of my life. Even now as I am writing this my mind wanders to the times where I caught myself slipping away.

Consciousness is truly a strange thing and I have to say I don’t really know what it feels like. What does it mean? Does it mean not having any other thoughts while listening to a person? Like, my skin is itchy, this tag is bothering me, am I making the right faces? what did I eat yesterday, what would my character do in this situation.

My characters. None of them really are me but all of them are what I want to be. It seems I have started to give them a personality that closer resembles mine then I used to. They used to be broody and mysterious, cold and not very talkative. All things I am not.

Hot headed and can’t seem to keep my damn mouth shut. At least that’s what I’m often told. It all seems pointless sometimes, but truth is I like hearing myself talk and sometimes others just don’t have anything interesting to say. That’s not my fault, not everyone can be worth my time.

See, now I have done it again. Switched topics without a second thought didn’t even realize it. Fun. Weird. I don’t get myself. Not entirely. I think I’m close though. I’m getting older and I’m scared of that but its getting to a point where I think I’m okay with it.

I still have a lot of dreams and wishes and I hope I get to fulfill them all one day. Maybe not as soon as I had hoped but hey, what gives?

I don’t spend a lot of time in the now because the now scares me, it overwhelms me and I am bad at being in the now. No one understands how I emote and it feels like pressing buttons in an aliens spaceship without knowing what they do, setting off random torpedos. Sometimes they hit and I’m not always sorry, because like every human I think I’m right.

I hate quickly and love slowly. There are people out there I would kill for but not many I would die for. I hope that makes sense.

The now. Now. NOW. What does that even mean. Isn’t the little world inside my head also now? Is it so bad to go there? To just flee? I guess at least it’s what the internet tells me and people around me get creeped out by my vacant stares.

I’m not fully there. Never. CONCENTRATE! How? There’s a lot going on and I’m busy. Not really busy but you know busy in my head. There are thoughts to be thought, stories to build, dreams to be had. If I concentrate I’ll just realize how boring everything is and difficult and I’ll cry again. Close to crying right now. Very close. Any moment now. Now. Now. Now.

Still not here yet. My mind is preventing it. If I catch myself I try to return but it gets increasingly difficult. There now the first tear has dropped. I think this is just PMS mania but still.

My IPad is close to dying which is frustrating I still want to write. I always want to write but I never really can. I’ll probably never finish any of the books and stories I have started. It’s frustrating but…well it’s just that actually.

Now I’m in the now? No, not really. My head hurts a bit actually as if I was raising my eyebrows but I’m not. It feels like someone is trying to pull my brain back out but they’re only semi successful. It hurts. Physically. Which seems impossible, no?

I miss my friends. I’m happy where I am now, at least it feels like that and everybody tells me I look so much better which is telling of how awful I must’ve looked these past years. I felt awful. I wanted to kill myself.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking it. I. Want. To. Kill. Myself. But it’s not really true anymore. Now it feels more like a reflex to get out of difficult situations I don’t wanna do. Laziness if you will. More than that I guess.

Has anybody killed themselves out of laziness? I don’t think so. I guess it makes you feel stuck and by taking your own life you don’t have to disappoint people directly to their face. Just Irish goodbye the whole shit show.

Please don’t do that by the way. It takes away your only chance of finding happiness. And yeah I know what you’re thinking but no I’m not gonna give you the whole spiel of “it will get better”. I didn’t believe it either when I was stuck in the murky waters of depression. Heck I’m still kinda stuck in them or at least I find myself crossing through sometimes. Just like right now. Live with it, embrace it and get through it. That is the only way there is no other. Get help. I did and it changed a lot for me.

But you know, I’m sure you’ll find a way. I hope you do.

Still stuck. But maybe that’s okay for now. I made it half out of murky waters, next will be dreamland. I just need to get rid of this feeling that dreamworld is my personality. Because I’m afraid it’s not. It’s probably some misplaced coping mechanism I have learned as a child to escape difficult situations or something. Man, I should really be seeing my therapist for a session.

The art of escapism. I used to dive into books for that until they couldn’t give me what i wanted and needed anymore and my brain decided that reading was entirely to exhausting. I cant really read anymore without throwing a tiny tamper tantrum. I always give up then.

It’s exhausting having to fight your brain for the most simplest things. I guess that’s why I don’t fight and just let myself slip away. It’s sad really. I don’t even get to live my life I just get to watch from the sidelines. It feels like my life is the commercial breaks in an endless stream of thoughts and nonsense.

It’s noisy inside my head and cramped. There is not a single second where there isn’t anything going on up there. Many people say their brain turns of during sport or their favorite activity but mine just keeps on babbling. There is no activity, no place, no song where it’s just off.

I long for silence but it is not given to me. I have to live with myself and my constant world building and if I’m not doing that or working I’m scrolling through endless hell.

Quick consumer of videos and garbage. I buy so many things to fill holes that i don’t think exist anymore, but it used to be a quick fix to my troubles so I still do it. I buy toys mostly, shiny things to fill my room with and keep my brain momentarily entertained. Surprise toys, miniatures, dolls. My room looks like that of a 10 year old. And I feel like one most of the time.

I don’t feel like a grown up. Not at all. I do things grown ups do, like work but still. I feel like a child and my needs are that of a child. I want sweets and toys and stories and constant entertainment. My mother said she cant remember the last time she was bored. I am bored constantly.

It feels foul and heavy and is just so annoying. Tings bore me pretty quickly and I never learn. I spend money on all the items of my newly found obsession only to throw it all out three years later at max after half a year minimum. I lose interest just as quick as I gained it.

I am a consumer. I am the consumer. Every corporates wet dream. Buy all our shit! Yes! Wait no boring! No problemo, here’s that new shit! Nice! And it just goes on and on and on. I like things I am a material person but I also hate things and the chokehold it has on me. But I’m to stressed to rid me of that habit now. But my time will come where I will purge my shopping addiction.

I have been writing for a while now. I should head to bed. I am sorry. I hope your doing well. Don’t be like me and hydrate properly or whatever you say as encouragements for mentally ill strangers on the internet. I am such a stranger. But don’t bother. I am fine, it’s all working out and things are moving. Have a good one, see ya.

[digisims2]

Sorry to bother you with this, but I have a question since you seem to me as someone in this community who always has great answers and tips and custom content as well! So yes, my question is, do you maybe know where I can download Middle East/Asian-like clothes for men and women? Some nice looking ones with higher quality since some of the clothes I found are very old 🙁

Sadly I'm wrong person to ask this since I only have very few East/Asian looking things but uh....

First one that came to my mind is Yuxi, she had gorgeous things and few Asian inspired too, you can find her downloads here. Especially check from under the clothes and GoS Events folders.

Michelle Borgia's blog, their whole aesthetic is Asian. Also likely the person you'd want to send your WCIF if that's the kind of content you're after. For more modern Asian stuff try Katsurin, especially if you enjoy Lolita aesthetic or school uniforms.

I also found this wiki which lists a tons of historical Asian clothes: https://historicalsims2.fandom.com/wiki/Historical_Asian (but prepare for a tons of broken links) and of course if you're looking for more modern things then that one's not much help.

Sims 3to2 database has section for World Adventures (which included China) and store sets such as: Dreams of India, Street Couture (which is more modern stuff) Itadakimasu! (Japanese restaurant stuff) Zen Again & Imperial Bedroom Zen (Asian inspired furniture) Japanese Inspired Living (more furniture) India Inspirations (furniture, hair, clothes) and I think that's all of them.

Plumb Bob Keep might have something useful but again it's more historical content so if you want modern stuff it might not be helpful.

Last two, there's TS2 Theme CC Server Discord (click the link for invite) they have section for Asian Fantasy. Might not be the kind of stuff you're after but if you don't mind things not being accurate those are at least really pretty :D and then there's TS2 CAS CC Finds discord which has section for Asian. Both links expire in 7 days apparently.

Also: While I don't mind WCIFs I'd prefer them to ask about content I actually use in my game instead of random ones like this. Asking me for extremely specifically themed stuff feels a little bit pointless when there are people who actually concentrate on such content and make it their whole aesthetic. I'm not saying this to be rude, but you know, you'll get better answers from people who are more familiar with that sort of content than me who dresses my sims as casually as it gets.

Edit:

princesspiratecat said:

Shannanisims did some traditional Chinese gowns, called a Qui- Po or Cheong-Sam. (I hope I spelled that right, lol.)

I think it's spelled Qipao? While trying to find link to Shannanisims (since the only shannanisims I found on tumblr makes Sims 4 content) I stumbled upon this pinterest board with some more Asian content though which might be useful for anon. On which topic, try looking through pinterest searching for Sims 2 Asian, Asia, Japan, China, India and any other related word you can think of.

[itsdanii]

Ahhh, your rejecting and regretting series is so good, my heart 🥺❤️ Can you do another one but with kuroo and kenma? You can ignore this request if you don’t wanna do it, I love your writing style and your blog! Stay safe and have a good day! 💞💞

Hey, bub! Thank you so much for the kind words, I appreciate it ♥️ I hope you don't mind me doing this only for Kenma. I got carried away so it got quite longer than I intended 🤦‍♀️ Anyway, here's your request! I hope you like it ♥️ Have a good day, stay safe and hydrated! Mwah!

a/n: read the note on the last part.

Rejecting and Regretting 6

genre: angst to fluff

warning/s: cursing, do message me if i missed any

a/n: please do read the warnings before you proceed. warnings have been put there for a reason.

ft. timeskip!kenma kozume

title says it all

Masterlist | Updates

Kenma Kozume

When you moved in to your apartment, you never expected your neighbor to be THE Kenma Kozume

If truth be told, you've been a fan of his ever since he started streaming

You knew that he didn't know you nor would he pay attention to you so you did not bother telling him that you were a big fan - the first one to always comment when he starts streaming

Not only did you think that it may make him uncomfortable but also make him feel like you were only trying to befriend him for his reputation

One night, as you were coming back from a short trip to the grocery store, you were walking with your earphones in and nose pointed on the screen while rewatching one of his videos

What you didn't know was that Kenma was walking behind you and was actually staring as you smiled and giggled while watching

You almost squealed when a hand came on your shoulder, almost punching the person behind you

Oddly, that was the starting point of your friendship

Although Kenma was hesitant at first (duh, you almost punched him) , he slowly eased when he felt that you were genuine

You basically went from neighbors to roommates because of how often you went to his unit, just playing random games and having occasional sleepovers

It wasn't long then when you realized that your "fangirling" towards the streamer developed into something more

You realized that you were no longer looking at him as the Kodzuken of the gaming world but just Kenma Kozume

You knew that you were fucked and thus you tried hiding it, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't

So you came up with a solution - confess. You decided that you would take the leap, confess, and hope that everything would turn out well, not knowing that it was only one sided

You shifted from one foot to another as you waited for Kenma to open the door of his unit.

Earlier, you both planned another sleepover and you took the initiative to cook dinner for the two of you instead of ordering another takeout.

As you waited, you could feel your stomach grumbling as the scent of the freshly baked sushi wafted in the air.

To be honest, you weren't really a good cook but you taught yourself how to with the help of youtube and cookbooks. You weren't even planning on learning how to do it but you were getting bored of takeouts, plus, you also wanted to impress Kenma even for a bit.

When the door finally opened, you smiled widely at Kenma while showing the food you made.

"Told you to not bother knocking and just make your way inside," he muttered before taking the pan from you and letting you in.

"Unlike you, I have my manners, Kozume," you playfully said as you plopped yourself on the couch head first.

Hearing him mumbling something under his breath as he arranged the table, you propped your elbow on the couch to watch him with a small pout playing on your lips. Your eyes followed his every movement and you couldn't help but question how someone could look so perfect.

His hair was a mess in a half bun and he was wearing nothing fancy, just his old sweatpants and a hoodie. Despite that, he still managed to look like a model, specifically those who preferred the "woke up like this" look.

"Y/n, are you going to eat or not?"

You blinked your eyes when you noticed the frown plastered on Kenma's face. Immediately, you stood up and walked over to the table with a small blush on your cheeks after being caught daydreaming.

"Sorry," you said sheepishly.

Kenma's apartment was then filled with the sounds of utensils clanking and small conversations the two of you were sharing.

Even though it seemed like Kenma wasn't paying attention, you knew that he was listening. You were aware of how much he preferred listening and observing more than talking anyway. It's just that you wished that he would talk more around you.

Somewhere in your conversation, you tried hinting your feelings towards him. In fact, you think that it was pretty obvious, but it seemed like Kenma didn't notice - that or he was purposely avoiding to indulge you.

"Getting in a relationship with a fan isn't boring you know? It actually sounds exciting, to be honest."

At that, Kenma heaved a sigh which instinctively made you shut up.

His eyes were already casted on the food infront of him instead of you,  eyebrows furrowed as if he was suddenly put in a bad mood. "I dont... really like this topic," Kenma said with a dismissive tone.

You felt your heart drop upon hearing that.

You've already practiced your confession several times and there was no way you'd let such words discourage you that easily. All you knew was that you had to get it out of your chest - now or never.

You placed your utensils down and looked at him straight in the eye despite him trying to avoid your gaze. "Why not, Kozume?" you asked, trying to push him to talk.

"I just don't see the point. Why would you want to date your fan? That's... weird," he simply answered, "What if they don't really like you? There's a high chance that a fan would date their idols because of popularity and fame. It's nothing but a self satisfaction."

"Hmm... I guess you do have a point," you said with a nod.

Placing your elbow on top of the table, chin resting on your palm, you pointed at yourself with your free hand which made Kenma look at you with one eyebrow raised. "Then what if it's me who wants to date you? Im a fan of yours, after all. Would you also reject me?" you asked hopefully.

Without wasting any second, Kenma answered, "Of course. Why would I date you?"

You didn't know how to react upon hearing that. You wanted to believe that he was trying to tease you but there weren't any signs of that from the tone of his voice. Moreover, he had nothing but a serious expression on his face.

"Because I like you," you answered with a low voice.

That simple phrase caused the silence to enevelope the two of you. The anticipation made your hands feel clammy to the point that you had to let go of your utensils to grip the sweatpants your were wearing.

Silently, you stared at each other as if waiting for the other person to break the silence - until Kenma did.

"Well, I don't." Standing up, Kenma took his plate and placed it on the sink, his back turned against you as he continued, "I think I'm going to stream for a bit. Make yourself comfortable."

You stared at Kenma as he made his way to his room wordlessly. "Make myself comfortable? Just who the fuck would say that after rejecting someone?" you muttered under your breath.

Knowing that it would be pointless to distract him while streaming, you started to clean the table and proceeded on washing the plates. As you were doing so, you whispered a curse when a tear suddenly slid down your cheeks.

You weren't supposed to cry. You prepared for this so you should've been able to take the rejection properly, right? He was Kenma Kozume after all. Although you became close with each other, it seemed as if he was really beyond your reach.

And now you ruined the only thing keeping you close to him - your friendship.

You decided to leave his unit after that. You felt that proceeding with the sleepover would only put a tense atmosphere between the two of you. Moreover, he did shut you out, right? Though he told you to make yourself comfortable, the way he acted said otherwise.

Maybe he only said it not to hurt your feelings.

"As if he hadn't already," you murmured, shutting and locking the door behind you.

In hopes of cheering yourself up, you decided to take a warm shower and pamper yourself to he point that skincare products basically littered your vanity when you finished and don't forget the fact that you ended up smelling like a strawberry because of your bodywash.

By the time you went to bed, you were feeling a little better... or were you?

As you laid on your bed, staring at the wall beside you while hugging a pillow close to your chest, your mind suddenly went back to what happened awhile ago.

You thought of how dismissive he seemed towards you. He wasn't always like that. Kenma had always been enthusiastic when you're around. Sometimes you would even end up watching beside him as he streams.

What changed?

Groaning, you buried your face on your pillow when you felt yourself tearing up once again. "Tomorrow will be better," you mumbled against the soft material as you slowly allowed yourself to fall asleep.

It didn't.

In fact, it got worse.

Not only was Kenma avoiding you, he was also acting as if he didn't know you - as if you didn't exist.

Earlier this morning when you were taking the trash out, you waved at him in hopes of lightening up the mood, but instead of usually greeting you, Kenma didn't even spare you a glance. He basically walked pass you without saying anything.

At first, you thought that maybe he didn't see you. Maybe his mind was elsewhere while walking. That could be possible right?

But when it continued for several more days, you realized that he was indeed avoiding you.

You felt a mixture of pain and anger. You were supposed to be the one avoiding him since it was him who rejected you but why was it the other way around? He could've atleast talked to you, let alone smile. Did he not value even just your friendship?

As the days went on, you were slowly getting tired of being the only one to put effort on rekindling your relationship. It was exhausting to keep on chasing over someone who didn't even acknowledged you.

Maybe you were just a bother to him after all.

So despite your will to keep on getting his attention, you decided to stop. If he didn't want you then so be it. You already confessed and did your best to show him that you're genuine. That's all that matters.

-

Kenma stared at your door beside his intensely, hand mid-air to turn the knob of his own unit.

It had been two weeks since he last saw you and for the third time of the day, he was yet again met with nothing but silence when he tried knocking on your door.

Where were you?

He knew that how he acted towards you was unreasonable but he didn't expected himself to wake up feeling like shit everyday without seeing you. He did this. He pushed you away. He said he didn't like you, right?

Groaning frustratedly, Kenma entered his unit, heading straight to his streaming room to cool off his head. If he couldn't see you personally, then perhaps he could at least see your name on his viewers.

He knew you always watched his stream and how you would always be the first to comment. Sometimes, you would even donate a huge amount of cash as a tip even though you always complained about being broke.

"They're not watching?" Kenma said unconsciously as he noticed how your name wasn't on the list.

That instantly caused a ruckus in his stream's comment section. Several fans kept on asking who Kodzuken was referring to and some even got the right answer since he streamed with you several times already.

But instead of saying anything, Kenma stayed silent. He focused on his game, occasionally shifting his eyes to the comment section and interacting with his fans.

His eyes, however, caught one comment. It was a link with the caption "Isn't this y/n?". Out of curiosity, Kenma decided to check it, finding out that you were indeed the person in the video.

No, it wasn't a video. It was a live stream of someone like him - a player.

And there you were, seated beside the unfamiliar person with a fluffy blanket wrapped around your body and your your head resting on their shoulder.

Who was that and why did you look too comfy?

"Sorry, guys. I'll have to end the stream now. Something important came up," Kenma said with a small wave before ending his stream.

Stalking the other streamer's socials, Kenma frowned upon noticing several pictures of you attached in their instagram. They were even posted just a few days ago which meant that you must've been spending time with them throughout the days you weren't at home.

Something stirred inside Kenma. It was an unpleasant feeling blooming inside his chest, clawing at him and making him realize one important thing.

He was in love with you.

And it was only confirmed when he remembered how nervous he was when you confessed, how scared he was when he heard the door shutting after he rejected you, and how stupid he was for only realizing it now.

"Shit," he whispered to himself as he quickly tapped on his phone, his finger hovering over your number, debating wether or not should he dial.

Suddenly, he shifted his gaze on the monitor of his pc which was still displaying the unfamiliar streamer when he noticed how you snuggled closer to their side.

Muttering anther curse, Kenma clicked on your number, his eyes focused on the montior of his laptop as he watched you picking up your phone.

"Please pick up," he pleaded when he noticed the frown on your face.

It took him a full 5 minutes and several dials to finally make you give in. He watched as you whispered something on the person beside you before making your way out of the room.

On cue, your voice suddenly met his ear.

"Kozume?"

It was still as soft as he could remember and with the fact that he finally admitted his feelings, his cheeks burned when he felt his heart racing.

Say it. Say it.

Say you like her.

"I-" pausing for a moment to rethink his words, Kenma sighed deeply before answering, "I'm sorry for being mean."

Fuck.

He was met with silence from the other side and for a moment, he got scared that you dropped the call.

It was until he heard some rustling sound that he realized you were still there and was purposely trying to stay quiet.

"Can we talk about this in person?" you said with a tiny voice.

Out of panic, Kenma nodded, forgetting that he was ralking to you over the phone and not in person. Mentally smacking himself, he answered, "Yes. I'd prefer that."

And I'd prefer if you're here instead of that caveman's room.

"Then, I'll be there in 20."

-

The moment Kenma heard someone knocking, he was quick to open the door.

His lips basically parted at the sight of you. It was only two weeks and yet why did it felt like he hadn't seen you in a month?

"Kozu-"

"I'm sorry," he cut you off, arms wrapping around you as soon as you stepped inside his apartment.

He felt how your body became stiff in his hold and without wasting any chance, he poured everything out. "I'm sorry for how I acted towards you. I treated you as if you were the last person I wanted to be with and when I didn't see you for several days, I realized how much I hurt your feelings." He took a deep breath, eyes focusing on you as he gripped your shoulders slightly. "Forgive me? I promise that I'll make it up to you."

Kenma hoped that you could notice the genuineness in his voice. He wasn't the type of person to talk too much but for you, he'd do it if it means having you forgive him and give him another chance.

"It's... alright, Kozume," you answered with a small smile.

"It's alright?" Kenma asked slowly. He knew that he should be happy that you forgave him easily but the way you said it made it seem like you were only forcing yourself.

It's like you didn't mean it.

"W-what do you mean it's alright?" he repeated.

"It means exactly what it means. I don't really see the point of holding a grudge against you, you know? You rejected me and I accepted it." Shrugging your shoulders, you walked pass him and went to sit on the couch. "I guess I just got too ahead of myself. I mean, you're Kenma Kozume, the Kodzuken of the gaming world. It would be impossible for you to like me, right? Sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my confession."

Kenma swallowed the lump forming inside his throat, eyes darting away from your figure as he shook his head no. "No... That's not true."

"What do yo-"

"I like you. How could you ever think that low of yourself?" he said, finally looking at you before he walking towards your direction. "It's not Kodzuken to you, y/n. Kozume - just Kozume. I don't want you to think that I'm someone all high and mighty just because people acknowledge me. I don't care about that. I want you. I want you to look at me the same way you did before. I want you to keep on clinging to me and to keep on cooking for me despite not knowing how to. I want you to like me again. I just want you.."

You felt your eyes well up with tears. After a long time of pining over someone you thought you wouldn't be able to reach, it was finally here - the moment you finally manage to hear the words you've longed to hear from him.

"D-do you mean that?" you asked with a small sob, your hand covering your face as you felt yourself being lifted and placed on Kenma's lap. "What if you're only saying that to make me feel better?"

"Of course I mean it. I was too stupid being scared of acknowledging my feelings towards you that I ended up rejecting you. I'm sorry." Gently, Kenma rubbed your back as he kept you in his arms, words of apologies continue slipping past his lips as he waited for you to stop crying.

"If I told you I still like you, would you promise not to treat me like shit again?" you asked while wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. "You were really mean to me, Kozu."

"I'd promise," Kenma answered with a nod.

Looking at him, you sniffled one more time. "Then I still like you," you said without taking your eyes off him.

You didn't fail to notice how Kenma's cheeks turned a lighter shade of red and the thought of how he got more flustered by your second confession than the fact that you were seated on his lap made you smile a little.

"Oh," Kenma uttered, as if suddenly not knowing how to react.

"You're supoosed to kiss me like those cliche movies," you said while encircling your arms around his neck.

Kenma's blushed even deeper after hearing that. Gulping, he gave a stiff nod before leaning in and finally planting his lips on yours.

His lips were soft against yours. Despite how tense he was at the beginning, he slowly managed to relax, fingers interlocking with your hair as he kept on moving his lips in synch with yours, both of your eyes closed as you savored the moment.

You felt yourself smiling in your kiss as you realized something - no longer were you just a fan but his s/o.

If you're reading this, hello.

I've decided that this will be the last part of the rejecting and regretting series. Though I had a lot of fun writing these, I'm no longer satisfied with how I'm writing them. The scenes were slowly becoming repetitive as well as the words. I'm craving for something new- something fresh that I've yet to explore. It was quite overwhelming how much people loved this series and I'm very thankful for that so I feel a little bad that this would be the last one. Don't worry, I still have some stuff brewing up that I hope you'd all enjoy.

Thank you so much for the love, support, and most importantly, for reading the series up until this last one. ♥️

[almanacrat]

Up the Wall (part 8)

Jake Kiszka x femReader

Warnings: swearing

-

Y/n snuggled into Jake’s side after getting out of the shower. This had become a regular routine for the two of them. They would argue or get excited, go back to Jake’s room, have sex, then cuddle and talk for hours. They had relaxed around each other and had stopped fighting almost completely, save for a few pointless quarrels here and there. 

“What do you wanna watch, babydoll?” Jake asked as he grazed his calloused fingers along her side.

“Whatever you want. I don't have anything in mind.” Y/n hummed.

They ended up watching a random reality TV show, but didn't pay any mind to it. 

“I get scared that he’s already burnt out on this. He doesn't seem like it, but he can hide things if he wants to.” Jake spoke about Josh. “Same with Sammy.”

“I’ve been close with Sammy for a while now, and he loves it. So does Josh. He just lights up on that stage and he’s so happy.” 

“You think so?”

“I know so.” 

“But what if all this ends? I wouldn't know what to do.”

“It will end, Jake. It could be in two years or it could be in fifty years, but everything must come to an end. And when it does, you’ll do what you love no matter what. Josh will be with you the whole way, even if he isn't physically with you.”

“What happened to your mom?” Jake inquired suddenly.

“She died a long time ago.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m sure she was wonderful.”

“Sometimes. She had a lot of issues, but nothing could ever stop her. She was really feisty sometimes.”

“Sounds like someone I know.” Jake teased.

“Yeah, who?”

“I forget her name, but she loves to argue with me and cuddle.” 

“Hmm. Sounds like a cool person.”

“Sure.” Jake rolled his eyes as if he was annoyed, but the smile on his face said otherwise.

As he looked down at her, Jake thought about Josh’s words again. They had haunted him for weeks, and Josh certainly had not let the topic die, going as far as throwing out the L word. Love. Did Jake really love Y/n? He had started to miss her when she left for a few hours, and he adored the way her eyes got big when she talked about things that interested her. Jake would watch her as she gazed out the tour bus window, admiring the thoughtfulness of her eyes. To him, she could do no wrong right now and every day he just wanted to see her happy and by his side. He loved the way she argued with him and he loved her. 

The thought rang through his head many times- I love her. But he wasn't allowed to. He wasn't allowed to because he would mess it up. He wasn't allowed to because she wasn't interested. He wasn't allowed to because he wouldn't let himself. Jake never let himself have anything good, other than his music. So he shoved her away. 

Y/n woke up by herself the next morning. Usually Jake would be there, but not today. There was no note left behind either. Y/n assumed he forgot or received a rushed call from Josh or Sammy or Danny, so she crept back to her room. 

By the time of the show, Jake hadn’t sent her a message or called her, or even dropped by her room, so when she saw him at the venue she approached him.

“Hey, what's up? You weren't there this morning.” Y/n wore a confused smile.

“I won't be there tomorrow morning either.” 

“What?”

“I’m done with you. You were a good way to pass the time, but this is where it stops. So don't expect anything from me and don't talk to me. You were just a phase.” Jake’s words were harsh and cruel.

Y/n hurried away with tears in her eyes and a quivering lip. She had thought things were going well with Jake, but not anymore. Y/n let herself fall for him and his handsome looks, thought she knew she shouldn't. Her head lowered itself when she was out of his sight, looking at the ground below her. Y/n crashed into Sammy unexpectedly.

“Hey, Y/n- Hey, what's wrong?” Sam greeted her, then noticed her fragile demeanor. 

“Jake.”

“Come here. Lets go back to my dressing room. He won't be there, it’s just mine and Danny’s.” Sam led her back to the room, where she explained what had happened.

She told him everything, minus the part where they slept together, and Sammy was seething. He wanted to go yell at him right that minute, but Y/n urged him not to. So, he opted to hold her as she cried. 

Y/n had stayed in their dressing room the whole time, helping them put on their makeup and style their hair. She had stopped crying, but the ache in her heart still shot through her veins like an injection. 

“You’re my best friend.” Sammy dragged her onto the couch to cuddle with him.

“Hey!” interjected Danny.

“You are too, but she likes to snuggle and I'm touch starved.” Sammy replied, making Y/n giggle.

“Hey it’s time-” Jake burst into the room, stopping mid sentence when he saw Y/n cuddled up next to Sammy.

Danny said a quick thanks to Jake as he exited the room, but Jake lingered near to door. 

“You gonna fuck my brother now? You’re a whore!” Jake snapped, jealousy burning through his body at the sight of them together.

“Don’t you call her that!” Sammy sprung up from the couch, immediately defensive.

“I’ll call her what she is! You two were practically fucking on that damn couch!” Jake shoved Sam away from him.

“We weren’t doing anything. You’re being psychotic, Jake.” Sammy shoved him into the hallway, towering over him by a few inches.

“I know what I saw! She was all over you!” Jake pushed Sam into the wall, creating a loud thud.

“She was not!” Sam recovered, rubbing his arm.

“Yes she was!” Jake took a menacing step toward him.

“For the last time, she was not! There was nothing inappropriate going on and if I ever hear you call her something like that again, I’ll knock you out.” Sam had Jake pinned against the wall, holding him by his shirt as he struggled to escape. In the meantime, Y/n had gone for help, and help had arrived, “Do you understand me? Do you fucking understand me?” Sam snarled at Jake as Danny pulled him away. 

-

“What the hell, Jake?” Josh exclaimed, aghast, when they were back in their dressing room.

“You should’ve seen it, Josh! She was basically about to fuck him!” 

“So she was about to fuck him?” Josh asked doubtfully.

“Probably!” Jake’s voice was still at shouting level.

“With Danny in the room?” Josh questioned, positive he knew the answer.

“Maybe.” Jake’s voice softened.

“Jake?” 

“No.”

“So why exactly did you decide to fight Sammy over this?”

“I don't know.” Jake lied.

“I think you do know, and I think I do too. I think you’re jealous right now. You like her, Jake.” 

“Yeah.” Jake’s voice was barely above a whisper as he hung his head.

“Were you two... you know?” Jake made a motion that implied sexual acts.

“Yeah.”

“We knew it! We all fucking knew it!” Josh jumped up and down a few times, squealing like a middle schooler.

“Shut up- hey! shut up!” Jake grabbed Josh’s shoulders, stilling his movement. “I broke it off today. I told her I was just using her so she wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

“What? Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because...”

“Because what?”

“I think I love her, Josh.” 

“You sure have a funny way of showing it. Why didn't you just tell her that?”

“I’m scared. There are so many what if’s and I don't want to mess things up with her.”

“Jake, I love you, but you already messed things up. You need to go fix this right now.”

“I know. I don't want to hurt her, though. She deserves someone who works a 9 to 5 job and can give her a nice house in the suburbs.”

“That isn't what she wants, Jake. If you love her, you better do something about it because she’s not the kind of person to wait around forever. Sooner or later someone is gonna come take her mind off of you, and you’re gonna have to watch.”

-

Taglist: @theweightofstardust @kaylal15 @way-to-go-lad @ohausuebs @jessssssi @betheonebetheone @lightmylov3 @morgtbhidc @daughter-of-rain @joshplaysthevocals @lovegoodtrue @friska101-cg @secretgvfstan @lyndseygoregasmxo @trplshotofdopamine @shellygvf @busybeingtrash @wriwrites 

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[patchun]

WBaWC Deep Dive: Part 1/2

Lots of philosophical ideas are presented and explored in this game. In this post I aim to point them out. ZUN stated this in his SCooW interview:

"There isn't any sort of obvious theme to the story this time. It's mainly just an introduction of "there's a world like this out there". There's a variety of things going into that world, particularly satire, but if you ask what the work wants to show you, there isn't much in particular. "Here's this world called the Animal Realm, and here's these various elements spread throughout it."

And after doing a ton of digging... yeah, I think he's right. I was kind of hoping there would be something unintentional, but because the perspectives of the human and beast spirits aren't really shown, and only the spirits of their rulers, taking an actual message away from this game is very difficult. That said, I feel with this game more than any other, it's very easy to identify why certain decisions were made. Why is the first boss a stillborn child? Isn't that pretty random? No, let's look into it.

The story this time is quite complicated, so you may not be able to see the whole picture if you just play as one character. To be fair, you may not be able to do so even if you clear them all. (lol)

This will obviously be based on my own interpretation. Long post ahead.

Eika Ebisu. The soul of a stillborn child, and a master of stacking stones. Importantly:

She and the rest of the stillborn child spirits at Sai no Kawara stack stones as work every day. They stack stones as work, in Shinto mythology this is as repentance - because they brought sorrow to their parents by dying too early. Kind of morbidly amusing, I guess, but ZUN makes it a point to say this:

She's also a god of fortune who's able to change simple, pointless work into something that's enjoyable and worth doing, and who can make the best out of any bad situation.

Her ever-cheery demeanor, bright intellect, and penchant for constantly holding exciting new events like stone-stacking contests makes her the Sai no Kawara's resident idol, beloved by all the children's spirits there.

With the spirits of stillborns, yes. I feel like it's more hopeful to portray them as having fun in the afterlife, you know?

Being a god of fortune, Eika is able to make stone stacking FUN. The simple labor of stacking stones for these kids is no longer labor for repentance, but a game, thanks to her (NOTE: labor.) For that reason she is the resident "idol". She is probably the most healthy idol in the game, according to the ideology ZUN seems to be presenting, but we'll get into that later. There's more to this character.

In philosophical discussions of animal rights, when we ask "what is it that makes humans worthy of moral rights", we try to find a criteria. Something that humans have that nothing else does. That criteria then needs to be defended as being a good reason for humans to have moral rights. Used to, sentience was the argument made for human uniqueness. Humans are sentient and conscious, while animals are, in Descartes' scummy terms (sorry, I hate Descartes) "mere automata". We worked on this assumption from that idiot for years, but recently it has been scientifically proven that animals, at LEAST mammals, birds, crustaceans, cephalopods, and reptiles, are sentient, and it is summarized in a document called the Cambridge Declaration of Consciousness.

So this proves a problem for those who believe animals aren't worthy of moral rights. So then, what else do humans have that animals don't? Why are we special in deserving moral rights? Well, that would be our intelligence, right! Even the smartest animals are only about as smart as a five year old (this is not actually true but let's just pretend it is, they're smarter). But then, if intelligence is the criteria for moral rights, then what exactly is the system here? Does that mean that children are less worthy of moral rights than adults because they aren't as intelligent? Does this mean that people who mentally disabled and not viewed as "intelligent" by parts of the populace should be less deserving of moral treatment?

This has been a veryyy simplified summary of the discussion, but here's where it gets even more interesting. You see, here, two controversial ethical topics meet - abortion and animal rights. Because if you want to argue that sentience OR intelligence are the criteria for moral rights, then in either case, early fetuses absolutely do not have moral rights! This is a problem for anti-abortion arguers, which is a funny intersection in my opinion. I bring this up because, of course, while Eika is not an aborted fetus as far as I know, she is still a fetus. She is quite out of place in a game where the rest of the opponents up to Keiki are animal spirits, right? But no, the fetus and children in general actually have a very philosophically interesting place in animal rights discussions, because oftentimes to argue that animals are not deserving of moral rights you also have to take away the moral rights of children. In case this whole thing has left you confused, the side I took was that sentience IS the criteria for moral rights, meaning both animals and children have moral rights, while fetuses don't.

Now, what does Eika tell us about this? Well, nothing. Just that ZUN seems to have thought about it, really. But there are two keywords that apply broadly to WBaWC as a whole when talking about Eika:

Labor

Moral value

So let's continue.

Urumi Ushizaki. Seeing a farm animal after a stillborn child really set off some alarms. Her name translates to "moist beauty". Not sure I needed to know that, but I came across it in my research so now you do too.

She carries a stone carving of a baby. Once she gives the baby to someone to hold, she makes it heavier and submerges them in the river. She was an awe-inspiring youkai who took advantage of humans' kindness. However, since she's forbidden to attack humans in Gensokyo, she currently runs a fishery at the Sanzu River.

If one tries to cross the river without a shinigami's permission, they'll be attacked by creatures like extinct giant fish and plesiosaurs. Nowadays, she spends her time domesticating those giant fish, and makes a living wage by sometimes selling them in Gensokyo.

A baby then a cow with a baby. Urumi is the "Parental Guardian of Ancient Fish". She apparently domesticates them and makes a living wage (interesting terminology?) sometimes selling them to Gensokyo. But, it's implied that as a fisher, she actually cares about these fish. In Reimu (Wolf)'s story:

Reimu: I'm fine, thanks. If it's just fish I'll have to deal with, I'll filet 'em no problem.

Urumi: That so? Fine by me, then. I won't hold back when I turn you into food for my beloved ancient fish!

When Reimu threatens her fish, Urumi gets defensive. She refers to her fish as "beloved" and suggests valuing them over the protagonist, even though she isn't supposed to attack humans. In the SCooW interview, ZUN is asked, more or less, what's up with the fish in the Sanzu river? He responds:

It's full of fish that died, or went extinct. They can't go to Hell or the Netherworld after they die, you see... since fish and insects are in a bit of a separate category, the way I think about it.

So, remember that distinction we made earlier when talking about Ebisu? How the animals that have been proven to be sentient are mammals, birds, reptiles (cephalopods, crustaceans)? That excludes fish and insects, and here, ZUN makes that distinction as well. Fish sentience is still pretty up in the air at the moment. But that said, if there's any unintentional message in WBaWC, I suppose it would be here.

The fact that Urumi is able to domesticate these ancient fish in the first place implies a certain degree of sentience, and moreso, even without that, Urumi pretty clearly ascribes moral value to her fish in Reimu (Wolf)! In almost all routes, she defends her fish and suggests she'll feed the protagonist to them, but Reimu(Wolf) makes it the most clear that she actually cares about them. Which, when you think about it, of course you'll care about the things you domesticate.

Also Urumi's design is so cool and yet no one draws her anymore. Justice for Moist Beauty. There is more to be said about the livestock theme of this character, but we'll get back to that when we talk about Yachie's profile.

Kuwaka Niwatari.

Her true identity is that of Niwatarijin, the god of wild chickens from before they were domesticated. People tend to think of chickens as being sort of weak and cowardly, but she's a polite and just god who values equality and altruism above all. She's quietly considering what she can do to help raise the status of chickens, who've been reduced to a food source for humans.

If you've been following along so far, you probably understand already where this is going. A few words may stand out here. Domestication, equality and altruism above all, status, and "food source for humans."

Kutaka is probably the blatantly nicest character in WBaWC, who tests you because she's worried that if you go further, you'll be hurt (after winning, of course, the protagonists insult her). There's not just a ton to say about Kutaka's character itself, but there is this tidbit in ZUN's interview:

Chickens don't usually have a very positive image attached to them. Calling someone a "chicken" certainly doesn't make them sound strong either, right? And the only other common impression of them is as food, so I tried to give her a dignified feeling.

So, ZUN has deliberately designed Kutaka to be dignified, noted that she is a character who values equality and altruism, and included that one of her motivations is to raise the status of chickens who have been "reduced to a food source for humans." What's fascinating is that by creating Kutaka this way, he has given us a message - ZUN believes, to a degree, that Kutaka's motivation is a just one. Kutaka is intended TO raise the status of chickens. So let me say this. To those of you who made fucking chicken wing jokes after this character was revealed:

STOP. FUCK YOU. STOP.

If you'd like to repent, you can start by stacking stones. Trust me, it's fun!

Now, all of this is cool, but part 2 is where it's going to get interesting - when we finally get to Yachie's profile, the description of the "Animal Realm" of Hell. I'm excited, but I need to make dinner. Part 2 coming soon.

[hetacon]

Prom Queen: Chapter 5

First || Previous || Next

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Word Count: 1,920

Pairings: Endgame Prinxiety, Platonic LAMP, more could be included at a later point

Warning: Swearing, mentions of p*rn, mentions of drugs and underage drug use, slight internal panic attack

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Summary: The popular kids were interesting for sure, they definitely weren’t exactly like Virgil had expected them to be but at the same time they kind of were.

(Make sure you read all the way to the end if you want to hear my thoughts on the chapter, and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for this story, my art, or writing! I hope you guys enjoy!)

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Music blared through Virgil’s headphones as he and Roman sat with the popular kids again. Virgil wasn’t feeling up to talking much with them today so he had out his sketchbook, mindlessly making marks on the page. He was totally spacing out, too occupied by his latest worry of the week.

He very nearly jumped out of his skin as one of his earbuds was pulled out of his ear and he scrambled to pause the My Chemical Romance song that he’d been playing to drown out his thoughts the best he could, putting his phone face down in his lap. Virgil registered the person next to him laughing loudly at his jumpiness and he looked over to see Nick nearly doubling over from how hard he laughed.

‘It really wasn’t that funny, you scared me asshole,’ Virgil thought bitterly to himself before mentally shaking his head. ‘He didn’t do anything rude.. Well, that rude, calm down Virgil, you’re overreacting again. These are Roman’s friends, they’re starting to like you.’

“Sorry dude but that was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen, holy crap,” Nick chuckled, leaning back as he crossed his arms. He looked over to Virgil finally and nodded. “So what was up with that? You looked like you were about to shit yourself.”

Virgil’s brows furrowed. “Force of habit, I guess,” he muttered out.

“Oh yeah? What were you doing, watching porn or some shit?” A grimace came over Virgil’s face as Nick asked but he tried to not look too disgusted.

Quick, what was the appropriate answer? How did people usually talk about that type of stuff? Should he take it seriously? Consider it a joke? Punch him in the arm like the jocks he saw all the time in his physics class?

Luckily, Roman cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. “Hey, that’s not cool, he’s clearly not comfortable, Nicholas,” he said, giving Nick a leveling look.

Nick put his hands up and shrugged. “Only joking dude, what he does with his time is his business. Wouldn’t blame him if it was though!” Another laugh rang out as one of the other guys sitting next to Nick punched him in the arm, much to Virgil’s satisfaction. At least someone punched him.

“Gross, shut the hell up!” the person who punched Nick told him with an obnoxiously grating laugh. “You’re sick, dude.”

Virgil tried to ignore the conversation but as he tried to put his earbud back in, he noticed Nick had it in his ear. He just couldn’t get away from them could he? He signed up for this admittedly though.

“Sorry, anyways, Virge, why’d you jump like that, for real?” Nick finally asked as he and the other guy stopped spitting insults at each other.

“I have strict parents, they don’t like anything remotely mature. They always call my stuff out if it has language in it so I just don’t let them see any music I listen to anymore,” Virgil found himself explaining, opening his phone to play a popular song that had been making the rounds around school rather than continuing through “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” like he desperately wanted to. Just one more thing Virgil had to be careful of. No more of his own music at school from now on, got it.

“Fuck, strict parents suck! Like, seriously, let me live my fucking life!” Nick scoffed out. “I just want to vape in fucking peace, they don’t need to get all pissy about it. It’s my fucking life right?”

Virgil looked up to Roman for a possible escape from the conversation, Roman knew he wasn’t a huge fan of people even talking about drugs, but Roman was staring down at his phone, texting someone. He looked upset anyways, Virgil probably shouldn’t make him feel worse.

“I mean, I don’t know, my parents aren’t the worst. I know they love me even if they aren’t good at showing it.”

“Nah, parents are assholes, adults are assholes really. They act like they can control you, it blows!” Nick complained.

Virgil only half-listened to the conversation, the other half of his attention going to trying to not have a panic attack. He took a look at the time and put away his sketchbook after making a mental note that he didn’t get very far into the sketch.

“Hey Virge, mind getting something with me real quick?” Roman asked and Virgil’s head snapped up as he nodded quickly.

The two started to walk off in the direction of their classes, Roman letting out a sigh when they were far enough.

“That wasn’t nice of him, sorry for not really... Doing much. I know you don’t like attention being drawn to you, I didn’t know if you wanted me to step in or not.”

“No, it’s fine! I’m just, you know, getting to know your friends I guess!” Virgil laughed out a little too brightly for his usual attitude. He’d been acting more like that around Roman though lately, Roman barely seemed to notice from what he saw.

“Are you sure..? I know you really don’t like those topics and he was practically steamrolling over any chance for you to stop him. I should’ve stepped in, I’m sorry,” Roman said with a hand rubbing his temple. Virgil watched him closely, noticing the way his shoulders locked up. He clearly looked beyond displeased.

“If it’s just for my comfort, I’m fine. I’d tell you if anything was happening, yeah? It’s what best friends do,” Virgil hummed out with a smile, bumping Roman’s shoulder with his own as they continued walking.

Roman glanced over wearily, a small smile on his face as the bell finally rung, signifying the start of class. “Yeah,” he merely replied, before the two parted ways.

The popular kids were interesting for sure, they definitely weren’t exactly like Virgil had expected them to be but at the same time they kind of were. The group was a bit fluid, some of the people that Virgil and Roman sat with tended to stay every day while others came and went. There wasn’t a super strict clique structure that was upheld but there didn’t seem to be a lot of the nerdier groups represented by the group, it mostly consisted of jocks, preps, and random drifters who tended to throw good parties. All of them had some sense of social standing in the school, many people knew them, and they were generally liked outside of the some of the people in the “lower” social statuses. Virgil definitely fit into at least one of these lower statuses but he seemed to be getting a pass due to being Roman’s friends. Luckily the theater kids were essentially accepted as popular kids even if some would be inclined to disagree.

Most of the conversations they got into wasn’t anything that interested Virgil, it mainly consisted of them complaining over homework and “strict” teachers (Seriously, why the hell would teachers actually let someone vape in the middle of class?) and their parents as well as a shit ton of gossip. There was literally so much gossip. So and so cheated on her boyfriend when he was cheating on her too, someone ended up getting in trouble for a tip-off about drugs in their backpack, these two kids got in a fight over some pointless drama and one ended up shoving off a teacher when they’d attempted to break off the fight. It was way more than Virgil thought was even going on at his school as he tended to stay away from pretty much everyone possible but regardless, it all was just as stupid as he expected. Virgil had no idea how they found any excitement out of talking about how people messed up or were fucked over by someone else. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore but if nothing else, high school was supposed to be confusing right? That's what everyone always said, no one said anything different.

A sign of progress, if Virgil could even call it that was when one of them decided to sit next to him in his English class. The two of them would chat though Virgil barely managed to understand or be engaged in the conversation half of the time. Virgil definitely hated him when he asked Virgil to make up an excuse for him while he vaped in the bathroom and Virgil barely managed to sputter out that he told Virgil he felt a little nauseous but would be ok. It was insane to see the guy come back and roll with the excuse when the teacher asked if he needed to go to the nurse when he got back. Virgil felt his stomach curl when he shot him a wink with a click of his tongue.

"So hey, I was thinking you guys, we've all been pretty busy lately," Patton said as Logan was driving them out for lunch after school.

"Yeah? What's up Pat?" Roman asked, leaning against Virgil in the backseat. Virgil very slightly leaned in, finally relieved to have it just be the three of his closest friends surrounding him as Dodie played on the radio. This was nice, it seemed more simple like this, Virgil almost forgot all his worries as the conversation started up.

"I was thinking about us doing something over fall break and whatnot! Unless there are family plans and whatnot which is cool but I'm free and so is Logan so we wanted to see if you and Virgil would want to!" Patton grinned to Virgil.

"I dunno, it sounds good to me if you wanted to," Virgil told him, before looking over to Roman. "You in?"

Roman sighed and groaned loudly, running a hand over his face. "I so want to but it might be tricky scheduling, the theater teacher is being a bit of a bitch about rehearsing over break. I can't very well miss it and I don't want to promise I'll be there. But even if I can't find a way around it, you guys can absolutely do so and send me lots of pictures!" He gently nudged Virgil's shoulder and despite the heaviness Virgil felt in his gut, he nudged back, giving a sympathetic smile.

"Hey, it's cool. Pat and Logan and I will hang out, no problem. We'll make sure to make plans for the four of us sometime soon ok?" Virgil told him, the weight coming off of him slightly as Roman let out a relaxed laugh, hugging Virgil close. Virgil felt his face grow exceedingly hot but he tried to push down the feeling.

"Yeah, that sounds awesome, I love you guys so much!"

"Oh, are you guys going to need anyone to paint sets? You know I'm always down," Virgil offered, glad to hear the excitement in Roman's answer.

The conversation kept going, they meandered from that to a new show Roman and Patton had both started watching, Logan gave them some of the details of a new robot he was helping to code. Virgil even showed Roman some of his newly finished sketches in the leather bound book (which was now getting a fair amount of use) even if Roman had already seen them halfway done. It felt easy, it felt nice, and Virgil felt like he could breathe. And that scared him a little.

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It is absolutely so strange to write popular kids, I don’t think it’s going to be the easiest for me! Luckily the next chapter is going to be very popular kid free so I don’t have to worry about that! Honestly, their dialogue is the reason the chapters take so long! I don’t find things like gossip and whatnot interesting, it doesn’t make sense since I’m neurodivergent. I’m trying to not make it too stale, I really hope it’s not stale...

Interestingly enough, I’ve had people mess with me or my friends more than once in regards to stuff like hentai (considering I’m an anime fan) so I actually do have at least two experiences where stuff p*rn-related has been brought up as a way to make fun of the groups I was hanging with.

High school is wild and of the behavior I saw from people much further up on the social ladder than I ever was, they do some really weird stuff. I didn’t even see a whole lot, I just know I definitely didn’t like it.

Be prepared for some Patton and Logan time next chapter, I think Virgil deserves it after all of this!

[lolokiquit]

Without Me I

Word Count: 4.4k

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x F!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut (future chapters) I CEO au(?) idk what this should be catagorized as lol

“Tell me, how's it feel sittin' up there? Feelin' so high, but too far away to hold me.”

Without Me (Halsey)

“One day I’ll give you the world I promise.” You only allow yourself to think of him when you're drinking, only when you're drinking. In those nights where your mind is hazed with alcohol, and the guilt of everything begins to eat you alive slowly. You remember the way he used to look at you with the twinkle of the night sky or the way his eyes would crinkle whenever he laughed. You remember the nights where you whispered nothing into his ear and the days when he was your whole world. Then slowly, as those memories start to fade, you begin to recall the screaming, the way he always seemed to come home drunk with blood on his fingers, and the way you begged for him to quit. By the time the memories finished making their rounds, you couldn't stop the bitter taste from crawling back into your mouth. The morning glow outside your small apartment window has started to peek through the night sky, and you realized that you've spent yet another night lost in the man that you lost so many years ago.

"Hoseok, stop that tickles," you giggled as your boyfriend wrapped his arms around your waist. You're in the kitchen of your new home that you had just moved into, an apron on, and smiles as wide as the morning sun. It's been hard coming up with the money to finally move from your small hometown in Busan all the way to Seoul. But through all of your shifts in the convenience store to the restaurant down the street from your childhood home, the two of you had made it.

"You look like the perfect housewife," He giggles into your ear, "I promise one day when I finally make enough money to buy you that diamond ring, I'll ask you to marry me, and we'll live happily ever after," You think that this must be what heaven feels like.

Being at the fresh age of 23, you couldn't have been more naive. Everything that the world had to offer seemed too innocent, and your future with Hoseok seemed so bright. You saw a big house with a picket fence, children running in the backyard, and a loving husband in your arms.

"Yes," you think to yourself, "This is what my future is going to look like." Running your soft hands through his hair Hoseok's eyes glitter as he slowly whispers, "let's never change," mirroring his lovestruck eyes, you slowly whisper back, "ok."

Love is a strange thing. Growing up in a family where the sound of screaming and breaking glass was as expected as the sun rising, could anyone blame you for jumping at the first sign of affection you were shown? It was no surprise that the boy in a leather jacket and tattoos on his arms who promised you all of his love had you wrapped around his coarse fingers in record speed. Meeting him at seventeen, you began to think that maybe life didn't hate you so much after all. It wasn't like you had a choice. After all, his advances towards you swarmed your everyday life like cockroaches and cancer cells that infested every single part of your being. You found yourself unable to stop your doom. He became your reason for everything. You breathed into him almost as if he was the oxygen that ran through your bloodstream. You couldn't live without him.

Your friends had warned you about the boy that had magic in his eyes and sweet words on his lips telling you that you couldn't change a person like him, but you were too young and reckless to care. Maybe it was the glint of the galaxy and freedom in his eyes, or perhaps it was the lingering sense of loneliness that you felt as if the two of you shared. But at that moment, you knew you would risk it all for him.

It was an uneventful Tuesday afternoon. You stood in your local supermarket staring at the little amounts of money you had left in your hands. Your father had stopped sending his child support months ago. With your mother constantly drunk out of her mind, you and your siblings were now only surviving on the part-time job you worked at the coffee shop down the street. You slowly started adding up all the necessities you needed. Milk, eggs, toilet paper….Your brooding was cut short as the loud hooting and screaming of teenage boys filled your ears. Before you knew it, the whole store had turned into utter chaos. The group of, from what you could tell, 7 boys with guns and knives had started running around the store, looting whatever was in sight. The store manager had come out staring at the whole scenario playing out in front of him in shock. He started yelling as well, threatening to call the police as the boys simply laughed in response.

Soon, police sirens began to ring from a distance. You stood frozen solid to your spot by the tomatoes, and your shock slowly melted into fear. Were you going to die today? You didn't have much time to think when suddenly someone grabbed your hand and screamed "RUN" and started dragging you right along with him. You weren't sure if it was a pure reflex or the adventurous inner side of yourself finally showing. But you found your legs starting to move to their own accord as you began to zooming off with the random stranger.

You ran and ran like your life depended on it. The cold winter air ran through your hair, and for a moment, you finally felt like you could breathe again. As if some sort of craze has taken over you, you began to laugh maniacally like there was no tomorrow. You laughed and screamed along with the others as you continued to run. You went on without stopping until you reached the shores of a nearby beach.

The stranger finally let go of your hand, and for a moment, the world around you went still. You stood there staring at each other for what felt like forever before he finally spoke up with a grin. "Well, that was a good one, wasn't it?" He laughed as the boys that were with him also started to chuckle. You continued to stare, looking like a lost deer caught in headlights. "I'm sorry," the boy continued on. "You just looked like you needed something to spice up your life; you looked quite bored up there."

The realization that he was actually speaking to you and that you needed to form some sort of response hit you. You started fumbling for words, the shock from the previous events only now beginning to set in. "I-I yea I mean I.." you trailed off, being at a loss of words.

"It's ok, you can find the right words later. Now how about we continue on this adventure. It would be pretty pointless for you to stop now, wouldn't it be?" He replied before you had the chance to actually come up with a coherent sentence.

After a couple seconds, you came to the final conclusion that he was right. You pondered your options. You could either go home to your most likely drunk mother, who wouldn't have noticed that you had already missed your curfew, or you could take a chance for once in your life. You really didn't have much to lose, so you might as well finish what had already been started, right?

So off you went with him, getting on the back of his bike, you set off.

Riding across abandoned highways, you screamed at the top of your lungs and laughed as you've never done before. At that moment, you felt so free. The stranger promised to show you the brightest sky of stars you've ever seen in your life, and with a smile, you agreed.

You finished the night learning that the boy's name was Jung Hoseok. You memorized the stars in his eyes over the stars in the night sky. You'll never know what it was exactly that drove Jung Hoseok to grab you that day, perhaps fate? Or maybe he just needed a new play toy on that specific night. But at that moment, Jung Hoseok had become your own personal savior, a beam of light that shined down into your dying world. Whether he was an angel sent from above or the devil himself, you weren't sure, but one thing was for sure, you were in love.

But that was in the past. Now, you're stuck in a small apartment in the middle of Seoul alone, working an ok job, eating, sleeping, surviving. But Jung Hoseok, however, Jung Hoseok had become a living god. Even that in itself seemed to be an understatement. His power ran through the streets of Seoul and all the way around the world. Owning Seoul's most prominent and most influential company. No matter how you think about it, you can't seem to shake off the bubbling sense of anger. How you had abandoned your whole family, your whole life back in Busan to follow him here, to a foreign city that you didn't know. How you had stood by his side through all the questionable things he did and all the pain that he caused, only to be left on the curb when he finally decided that you were no longer good enough for him.

The truth was the fact that you had never really gotten over him. How could you? He was your world, your life, your everything. And the moment he walked out of your life, he took a part of you with him.

Sometimes you would reminisce on the old times. The days where the two of you were still trapped in that little town and had nothing else to hold but each other. Hoseok had always been the bigger dreamer out of the two of you. With his miniature gang activities within the town, he had always believed that there was something more. He wanted to see the world, to soar above the clouds, and to experience life. In fact, he was the one that had brought up the topic of Seoul first.

It was four in the morning, and the sun was about to rise as you and Hoseok lay at that beach where you had first met when he finally brought it up.

"Let's go to Seoul" the offer was so sudden, so out of the blue, that you laughed, thinking he was joking.

"I'm not joking," he starts again. "Let's go to Seoul. Let's get out of here."

"Hoseok," you say, slowly starting to sit up, "You can't be serious, can you? We're both dead broke. There's no way we can just spontaneously decide that we're going to Seoul."

You had just graduated high school a year ago and had immediately taken up several part-time shifts at places all across town to try to provide for your family. For people like you, the idea of college was merely a luxury that you couldn't afford.

“Jien-ah listen to me ok? Staying here is a dead-end road. We'll never be able to amount to anything" Hoseok stood up and started to shake the sand off of him. "You KNOW that we have to leave at one point or another. Didn't you want to go to college? We have futures. There are things out there for you to see, places to visit. We can't stay here. You know that"

You sat there, not knowing what to think. You knew deep down that Hoseok was right. You couldn't stay holed up in this good-for-nothing town forever. You had to leave. But you were scared, scared of change. The future seemed so terrifying you didn't know if you wanted to jeopardize your future more than needed.

It wasn't until weeks later did Hoseok bring up the topic of Seoul again. It was after another screaming match with your mother about her drinking habits. This time the two of you were sitting on the roof of your old high school. Your eyes were poofy after having cried out probably all of the water that was in your body when he asked the same question again, "let's run away to Seoul." This time, without hesitation, you answered, "ok."

The decision to move to Seoul with him was both the hardest and easiest one in your life. You knew you had to leave the town that trapped you. Still, the watering eyes of your siblings and the familiarity of everything around you made it so hard to leave. The hurt and betrayal that your siblings had felt the second you walked out of your run down house was enough to have you on your knees. But for once, you wanted to be selfish, to finally chase what you had wanted in life. So after much pondering and hundreds of shifts at your several part-time jobs, you finally packed all of your things in one suitcase, and you left. You walked out of that door, got on Hoseok's bike, and off the two of you drove. From that moment on, you never looked back because you knew that you couldn't. There was no longer a home that you could go to, no matter how crappy, no, Hoseok was all you had now.

Hoseok had told you before you moved that he had connections from old friends in Seoul that had gotten him a job. Apparently, this job had come with an apartment which meant that housing wouldn't be a problem. You, being the naive girl you were, never really questioned this said job and its description. Instead, you busied your first couple of weeks in Seoul, settling into your new apartment. Though it was small, it was still something that you and Hoseok could call your own. You found a job as a barista at the cafe down the street, and life began to fall into a comfortable routine.

For the first two years, the two of you were happy. Hoseok was doing well in his job, so well that two of you were able to enroll you in your nearby college, and you began to study literature. Hoseok never really discussed his job with you, claiming that he didn't like to bring work home. You never really asked either, accepting that his work was the only part of him that he likes to keep to himself. You busied yourself with work and school, you were finally able to live the life you had spent years being envious of. You went to college, made friends, had nights out, and had an amazing boyfriend that loved you. There was simply nothing that could bring you down from the high you were from. Little did you know that it was only the beginning

You set your steaming mug of hot tea on your nightstand, thinking fondly back to the years where your future had seemed so bright. Everything you could've imagined and more. You were finally on the right track, a college degree, hopefully, a good job, a stable income, and maybe children in the near future with a man that you loved. You had slowly begun to lose your edge, you no longer felt sorry for yourself, and slowly, you were starting to believe in the statement that as long as you work hard, you'll be able to reach the goal you had always been so desperately longing for.

But like most good things in your life, they don't last.

It's your fourth year in Seoul and your third year in college when you start noticing the shift in Hoseok's behavior. He left for work so early in the morning and came back so late that you almost never saw him. He seemed to come home later and later each day. The two of you no longer ate dinner together, or baked cookies, or watched your favorite movies, hell, you had barely had a proper conversation in weeks. He wouldn't reply to your messages, once again using work as an excuse, and never picked up your calls. It almost seemed as if you were dating a ghost.

Even though the whole situation made you feel uneasy and as if you were put on the back burner, you never brought it up to him. You were a coward. You were petrified because a part of you deep down knew what this meant, that he had lost interest. You don't blame him though, the two of you had been together for so long there was no longer anything new or exciting. He didn't take you on motorcycle rides anymore. Being in a large city like Seoul, there were no beaches to explore and no abandoned highways to see the stars from. He no longer had the time for you, and you knew it.

Hoseok's job had gotten even more important as time had passed by. He had been promoted and had been making more money than you could have ever imagined. Your little apartment had been traded in for a penthouse that was too big for you and no longer felt like home. Your wardrobe was filled with designer that you weren't used to. Hoseok had gotten rid of his leather jacket and motorcycle and traded them in for a Mercedes and expensive suits. He no longer smiled at you like the sun, and whenever he did smile, it almost seemed forced.

But you never bought any of this up; you simply greeted him with a smile and kiss whenever he had the time. Your mind would often wander off to places it shouldn't go; perhaps he was cheating on you? It wouldn't be hard for a man like him to find women that fancy him. He probably had millions lining up wanting and wishing for some of his attention. He was no longer the scruffy boy that took you on adventures and swore to protect you from the rest of the world.

There were days where you would lie on the king-sized bed you shared with your close to nonexistent boyfriend, thinking of the better days. The days where the two of you were cramped in that small apartment, the days where he would help you with dinner and almost burned down the house, the nights where you talked about everything and nothing at the same time. You ran your hands around the ring attached to the necklace that rests perfectly on your collarbones.

You were slowly stirring the boiling stew in your kitchen while anxiously stared at the clock. Hoseok should've been back hours ago. He hadn't called saying he would be late, and in the years you had been together, Jung Hoseok had never been late without calling. You were worried. It had been close to a year since you've moved to the big city, and life was going pretty well. Granted, there were still days where you and Hoseok struggled with the bills and had arguments like any other couple. But the two of you were living your dream lives, and it couldn't have been any better.

Right as you were about to get lost in your own daydream, Hoseok came bounding in like a kid on Christmas day.

"Hey, why didn't you call? I was so worried-" before you could finish, you scolding Hoseok had already folded you in his arms with a bear hug.

"I love you," He mumbled into your hair. "You know that, right? That I love you?"

"Of course I know. Jung Hoseok, is this your way of trying to get out of trouble? I swear-" But before you could finish the cut, you off again by whipping a small red box out of his pocket, and you gasped.

"Don't worry, I'm not about to propose to you in the middle of our kitchen," He laughed "that would be kind of lame. But this is for you" He opened the box and in it was a beautiful diamond ring. "I've been saving up for months. This isn't an engagement ring. It's only a man-made diamond. But one day-" He pointed outside your window, "I'll buy us a penthouse in one of those buildings in, and I'll really get down on one knee, then I'll ask you to marry me. But for now, this is just a promise ring. I promise one day I'll marry you." He looked up at you expectantly after his long speech. You were staring back at him with tears in your eyes as you choked out a simple "ok."

The two of you held each other for what felt like forever until you smelled something burning in the air, and you realized that the stew you had on the stove was now burnt.

You can't help but smile as you think back to those bittersweet memories. It's been over 4 years since Jung Hoseok has made that decisive step out of your life. But you still wore that necklace as a reminder of the better days. The days where the naive little girl in you still believed in love. When you still believed that as long as you gave in a relationship, you would surely receive.

You're smarter now; you've grown up. You no longer believed in the sweet words of others, and you no longer fell for sparkling eyes. Jung Hoseok had ruined that for you. You were rougher around the corners, and deep down, you knew that perhaps your story with him wasn't as special as you put it out to be because, in the end, you were just another one of his chapters to his never-ending story or girls. But sometimes, you liked to try to convince yourself that you had been something more. You can't help but think that maybe, you could've been something more.

It's midnight, and you've already had an entire bottle of champagne to yourself. Hoseok wasn't home, but that was no surprise. He never was. You laughed quietly at how pathetic you had become. Since when were you one to not speak your mind? But now, here you were terrified out of your mind at the notion of bringing up fears to your boyfriend, who, keep in mind, was supposed to be the one that you were to trust the most, he was supposed to be your home, he was all you had left. But no, you were a coward that was terrified of being alone, so you never brought it up in fear that he would leave you.

The front door creaked, then opened, and in walked Jung Hoseok in all of his broken glory. An expensive Armani suit `bedazzled with gold cuffs adorned his toned figure, paired with Louis Vuitton slippers and his newly acquired stoic expression. If you hadn't known any better, you would've mistaken him to be one of the born elites that the two of you used to despise. But you knew, you hoped and prayed that deep down, somewhere where light could still reach, the boy with shaggy brown hair that looked at you instead of the night sky still existed. That perhaps he was just a little lost and needed some coaxing to come back. Those were the thoughts that kept you sane as the past couple of months had unraveled.

Slowly you stood from your stool and made your way towards the front door. Hoseok was in the process of hanging up his trench coat when he noticed your presence, almost immediately freezing after the realization. There was an unexplainable tension in the air, a silence so thick it could've drowned you both. The two of you stood in front of each other. Either of you dared to utter a word. It was almost as if you both knew that once the conversation started, you would no longer be able to go back to pretending that everything was ok again. After what seemed like hours, you were the one that made the first move, maybe it was the alcohol in your veins that prompted your next words, but at that moment, with all the pent-up anxiety and hurt, you no longer cared. Mustering up all your courage, you finally asked him the question that you had been dying to know. "Do you still love me?"

Deep down, you both knew that the end was inevitable. You both wanted different things now. While you were still envisioning white picket fences and running children, Hoseok had started to see more. He wanted power and control, he wanted to be known, to be respected, and he knew that all of that would have to come at a price. He was selfish, he didn't want to have to choose, no he wanted to have both.

It's three in the morning, and Jung Hoseok stood on the roof of his million-dollar penthouse. The wind was blowing, the skies dark, signaling the arrival of a storm. As Hoseok starred up into the seemingly endless sky, his own storm brewing inside his head. The world underneath him seemed so distant and small, almost ant-like. Compared to his inner hurricane, all the Honks and raging cars of the rush hour seemed practically serene.

 As expected, he started hearing her calling out to him from a distance. She whispered his name, soft and gentle, like the waves by the beach she used to love so much. Hoseok would often hear the voice in the distant winds. It was as if she was so close, just in hand's reach. But whenever he reached out to grab her, she would disappear again.

She was the air he breathed, the drug that he couldn't cut, and if her love were the ocean, he would willingly drown in it. He would do anything just to escape this endless wondering and meaningless life of counting off the days. He would do anything to be able to breathe again. Without her, he was colorblind; his world became a black and white movie that he couldn't quite wrap his head around. Because if we were honest, what was the point of a prince charming without his princess, and what's so heroic about the knight in shining armor without his damsel in distress. Without her, he meant nothing, and his life was meaningless.

Perhaps that was what it was meant to be all along, a tragedy, another pair of star-crossed lovers that bit the dust.

[another-snape-story]

Always On My Mind

Chapter XII

Snape thought about you more than he should, more than he considered to be appropriate, but there was nothing he could do to resist that uncontrollable attraction he's grown to feel towards you. Being a loner his whole life, probably for the first time in many years, he found comfort in someone's company – your company. Afraid to admit the fact, Snape gave absurd excuses to explain the feeling that expanded his chest every time he saw you, realizing perfectly well, however, how pointless it was to deny the obvious. His typical mistrust in people, which escalated now, on the eve of return of Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and initial desire to find out if there was any kind of threat for school or its students in your intentions when you applied for the position of Hogwarts Professor a few months ago, played a cruel trick on the man, drawing his interest – and later his heart – to a woman, who started meaning for him more than a colleague should. It wasn't right, Snape thought, and this thought made him sad. His obligations in current circumstances – that's what he had to focus on. Moreover, who on earth would want to have him close? Nobody would accept him, he knew it; and his skeletons would always drag him back into the dusty cupboard, where no room was left for joy or even hope – only darkness and emptiness. Pulled himself together, he carried on, still remaining kind to you but trying to keep a certain distance. 

Nothing has changed in his appearance – he's always looked brooding actually. Neither did you notice any change in his attitude. You shared smiles seeing each other in school corridors, had long conversations in the staff room, which led you deep into the night and brought slight headache in the morning due to the lack of sleep. Sometimes you invited him to your office for a cup of tea, but that black armchair in cold Potions classroom seemed more appealing anyway, and Snape, being aware of this, prepared wool plaid blanket for you every time he expected you to pay him a visit, pretending it's always been there.  Although it didn't surprise you any longer, your heart grew a size – you knew he cared for you, and were eminently grateful for his attention. Nevertheless, you still were afraid to say or do something, that Snape might dislike or – what frightened you even more – something, that might push him away – his serious look always kept you alert. He never seemed fully relaxed, therefore you couldn't do it either. Sometimes though, you could notice his features soften in response to your random phrase or look, reflecting his true attitude towards your personality, which – despite all his feigned indifference – seemed like a promising sign of inevitable warming in your relationship.

“Professor Sprout's been too busy with pumpkins for Halloween recently, so today it's me delivering this,” you slumped a box of an impressive size on Snape's desk. You carried it through the whole castle and were happy to finally get rid of this heavy load.

“I thought it was Hagrid who took care of pumpkins,” Snape opened the lid, examining the box content. “It's always been his exclusive privilege.”

“He’s been struggling with gourd aphids for two weeks now,” you explained without showing much concern. “I added some extra item,” your eye excitedly dived in the depth of the box as your finger pointed into it.

“Snargaluff,” Snape spotted surplus jar with green pulsating pod enchanted to always stay fresh. It took him no effort to identify it at once. Perfect, almost twice bigger than prevalent, it glistened in the daylight.

“I just thought you wouldn’t mind having it in your storages,” you looked up at him to make sure he was pleased.

“Merlin, I hope its thorned vines didn’t hurt you,” he frowned worriedly, trying to get a better view of your hands – he wasn’t going to grab you, no matter how bad he itched to.

You pursed your lips to suppress a smile which threatened to give out your embarrassment which suddenly took over you, and drove your eyes away for a second. Not the kind of reaction you’ve expected, but seeing this fleeting transformation on his stone face, usually stingy for expressing any kind of emotion, felt so surprisingly flattering.

“Who do you think I am?” you grouched with discontent in a joky manner.

“If you only saw his pleading eyes – Hagrid’s – when he begged for help, poor thing!” you giggled kindheartedly, changing the topic. “It’s so weird seeing a man of his size almost crying over damaged pumpkins!”

“Never got why they can’t just conjure them,” Snape shook his head disapprovingly. “Minerva could’ve given those little dunderheads some additional practice in Transfiguration.”

“Let them do what they want,” you sighed, “unless you’re not involved, of course.”

“Instead of avoiding unwanted job, better create favorable circumstances that increase the chances of not doing it. Otherwise it’d be too late to keep away.”

“You’re a clever guy, Professor Snape,” you teased him, walking around his desk. “And how often do you make people think what is advantageous to you?”

“Some-times,” he responded stretching the word, as slowly as his glance followed you. “For instance, I let you think for a while I didn’t notice that bandage under your sleeve.” His eyes narrowed, while he stared at you with reproach. “As you’ve just mentioned,” his tone gained cold notes, “I’m a clever guy, indeed.”

“Not that clever to presume I would lie about a scratch from Snargaluff,” you approached him, smiling softly.

“What is it then?” ashamed of making quick – and therefore false – conclusion, Snape blinked confusedly.

“It has to do with the seed you’ve given me,” you clarified proudly, “but it’s a surprise!”

“How did you… What?”

“The seed defends itself, when… Well. I can’t tell you now. Will you be patient, until…”

“Until it kills you?” Snape grunted and you laughed.

“I hope it won’t go that far!”

“Let me have a look,” he stretched out his hand, expecting you’d give him yours. But you just squeezed his palm as a token of gratitude and let go.

“It’s fine, Poppy was so nice to provide me with everything I needed. It’s no more a matter of concern.”

Snape hated surprises. Never had he ever had one to his liking – all surprises he’s encountered happened to be of an unpleasant kind. Neither did this one promise to be enjoyable. What on Earth you had on your mind? And why you found it so exciting putting yourself in danger?

“I got to go now,” you announced not without regret. “Just dropped in for a minute…”

“…and stayed for half an hour,” Snape smiled warmly.

“As usual,” you chuckled. “Sorry for taking your time again.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you’d take some more,” he thought, and said in a more formal tone, “thank you for Snargaluff. It’s exceptionally good.”

“Just good?” you portrayed disappointment.

“I said exceptionally good! Okay, it’s outstanding,” he smirked.

“Outstanding,” you declaimed, savoring the word. “Outstanding sounds much better!”

You swiftly disappeared behind the door, leaving your fellow Professor smile pensively, unwilling to let lighthearted image of yours out of his mind.

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Tag: @diaryofafan17 @yul-is-sparkling @fullmoonshadowwrites @forthehonourof @mayumikurosake @redrehab @space-helen @fluffymadamina nadiigh @theworldisugly-22 ​ @lukaerith-morningstar ​ @sighsinkhuzdul ​ @67-chevy-baby @rustypotatospork @aquila-leo ​ @dandyrua @majusketch @fancygirl61 @writingmi @s00nhi @pinkininja @shizuethedragon

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Blankets

Summary:

You have your boyfriend Seungkwan over for the first time ever, and he can’t help but ponder why you have so many blankets on your bed.

-

“You’re in luck,” you said as you pulled open your room door for your boyfriend Seungkwan. He pushed past you, carefully walking into the room. You tried not to feel too self-conscious as he looked from wall to wall, taking in each and every little detail. He raised his eyebrow at one of the posters but didn’t say a word about it. “I just cleaned all of my blankets, so it all smells very clean.”

Seungkwan’s eyes still hadn’t quite made it to your bed, he was too distracted by your bookcase. He picked up one of your bigger books and snickered lightly.

“You’re such a nerd,” he mumbled. He waved the book at you, and then put it back on the shelf, his fingers trailing over the binds. He seemed amused by all of the older books that were there, and you could tell that he wasn’t just trying to fill the awkward silence with pointless action. He was genuinely curious about what books you had, about what sort of history lie within your bookcase.

You hadn’t known Seungkwan for very long before dating him. He had always been someone you were aware of, but you two never really crossed paths before. Not until the day that his friends pushed him right in front of you on your way home from school and he shyly admitted that he had a crush on you and wanted to know if you would go for some coffee with him someday.

He was forever interested in getting to know you better always asking you the tiniest questions to find out more and more about you.

You honestly found it to be adorable.

His eyes trailed from older books to newer ones with less dust on them. He picked up one of the ones that you had only recently gotten and read the back cover.

“Is it any good?” He asked you, his voice soft. You hummed.

“Haven’t read it yet.”

Seungkwan put the book back on the bookcase and finally turned his attention back to your walls. He looked at some of the pictures that you had there, his eyes taking in the images of you at so many different ages.

He didn’t comment on any of them, but he did lift his hand to one of them, his thumb brushing your cheek in the image. Then, seeming to realize exactly what he had done, he dropped his hand back to his side and looked at you with a calming smile.

“It’s a cute room,” he mumbled. “Honestly I thought you would be messier.”

You snorted at him as if you were never messy in the least, but in truth, you had spent hours cleaning up your room when you realized that you would be bringing Seungkwan over to study.

“Come on, sit-”

You hopped up onto your bed, and smiled at him, patting the space beside you on the bed. He turned his attention to your bed and his eyebrows shot up almost comedically when he took a look at all the blankets there.

“Woah,” he mumbled. “You get cold at night or something?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, feigning innocence. Seungkwan set his backpack down beside the bed, and then sat down on your fluffy blankets, his fingers splaying over the soft material.

“How many blankets is that? Ten thousand?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Okay, drama queen. It’s only six,” you corrected him, He snorted.

“Right only,” he replied. “You know how many blankets most normal people have?”

You tried to ignore him as you rummaged through your backpack for your laptop.

“Let me guess-”

“One,” he snapped back. “Just one blanket.”

You didn’t dignify him with an answer. Instead you opened up your laptop and began to load up the browser. You were assuming that Seungkwan would move past the topic, because why would anyone be so obsessed over blankets but instead of doing that, he buried his hands under the blankets.

“Is this a weighted blanket?” He asked.

You snorted.

“And what’s so bad about that?” You asked him stubbornly. He just exhaled out of his nose a smile spreading over his lips.

“Nothing it’s just… Why do you need so many blankets? Your room doesn’t seem cold.”

“It’s not,” you replied with a roll of your eyes. “Is it such a sin to enjoy how it feels to be tucked in with a large number of blankets.”

“I mean… It has to be heavy! What if you suffocate under there?” He poked the blankets again, squinting his eyes at them suspiciously. You didn’t understand that action- was he thinking they were going to jump out and attack you?- or the question either really.

“Do you suffocate under your blankets?” You asked him back. He turned his attention back up to you.

“Look, I don’t need the sarcasm I’m just worried about your health,” he protested instead of admitting that such an accusation was stupid. “I mean, you would think that lifting five blankets and a weighted blanket would at least make you stronger.” Seungkwan poked you out of nowhere, making a pout cross your lips.

“But you’re so weak.”

“And why am I dating you again?” You asked him bluntly.  He laughed and leaned forward, his lips pressing against your cheek briefly in a soft kiss.

“Because you adore me,” he reminded you. “I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’ll focus now. What are we doing again?” He picked up your laptop dragging it from your lap to his lap. He started to genuinely focus on what he was doing, pulling up the essay that you two were working on for class, but you found it kind of hard to focus when he had pointed out something that was just so obvious to you.

The reason that you had so many blankets on your bed after all was because for the longest time you hadn’t had a boyfriend and you had never really known what it was like to be close to someone. Your parents hadn’t liked it when you were too touchy, so it wasn’t like you could just lean on them all the time and a number of your friends had always acted like it was too weird when you wanted to be touched to make you ever want to do it again.

Eventually you had sort of just isolated yourself, only letting someone rest their head on you, or be close to you physically when they wanted to be close to you.

But in truth, you had always craved that physical intimacy with others. You had always secretly loved the way that a couple would act on your television when they would sit on a couch together watching shows. You had always yearned to feel somebody else’s heart beating against your chest as you two sat close.

So far, it was too early in your relationship with Seungkwan to really ask him if he would cuddle with you, and frankly you were so shy you didn’t think you would ever ask him yourself.

But recently, you had been feeling lonely. Lonelier than you had ever felt in your life. And on top of that you had been really stressed, so when you were looking up ways to help relieve that stress and came up on weighted blankets and found out a review that read: Feels just like a hug. Well you couldn’t remember a time in which you had bought something faster.

Of course, you knew that you didn’t have to tell Seungkwan any of this. He had moved on from the topic of your blankets, had probably written it off already as one of those quirky things that you did that he might never understand- but you supposed part of you must have wanted him to understand because before you could stop yourself, you were speaking once again:

“You know… I’ve never actually had a boyfriend before.”

Seungkwan looked up from the computer screen, a somewhat confused expression riddled across his face. The look made you immediately regret your words, and you looked away from him wishing you had never spoken at all.

“But I’ve always really liked romance,” you continued, staring down at your slightly shaky hands. “And I’ve always wondered what it would be like… You know, to trust someone completely, and to be able to hold them, and to sit next to them and just feel… Close to someone.”

Seungkwan didn’t respond to you at first. For a while he just sat there, and the action itself made you force yourself to look up at him so that you could at least try to figure out what was going through his mind.

Once you did look up at him, you were relieved to see that the reason he was silent was, clearly because he was thinking. You watched as his eyes drifted from you, down the blankets that he was sitting on. You could practically see his mind turning back to your words, making the connection between your seemingly random statement to the conversation from before.

You watched as his expression softened. He set the computer down on the bed, and scooted close to you, wrapping his arm around your body and tugging you close to him.

“Hey… I know that we’ve only been dating for a little while now, but you know that if you ever want anything you could always ask me… Right?” He asked you, his voice soft.

There weren’t often times in which you felt like Seungkwan wasn’t teasing you for something. He was always finding as many opportunities as possible to make fun of you after all that seeing him not doing so felt odd. But… Nice, nonetheless.

“Of course, I know,” you replied, your tone of voice matching his.

He dragged you closer into his body and rested his head over yours.

“Do you wanna just sit here for a second? We’ve got ages to finish that assignment.”

You nodded and rested your body against his.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Seungkwan smiled and shifted you once again so that you were presumably more comfortably situated in his arms. He made sure to hold you tight against his chest, his body heat warming you up immensely in the cool room. He rested his head against yours and was silent for a good moment.

That gave you the time to appreciate how truly calming it was to be this close to someone. To have your body pressed against his, and to actually be able to understand what the characters in all of those books had meant when they described the pure intimacy of being this close to someone.

Part of you had imagined that the author’s had been exaggerating when they described being able to feel the beat of someone else’s heart just from the sheer closeness, but you realized fairly quickly, that it hadn’t been exaggeration at all.

You smiled to yourself, understanding why people liked this so much, but after about half an hour passed, you knew that you and Seungkwan really needed to focus on the assignment at hand.

“We should… We should probably get back to work.”

Seungkwan hummed his agreement, but he kept a firm hold on your body despite doing so.

“So what would you say? Does cuddling completely exceed your expectations?” Seungkwan asked. Your face reddened at the question and you turned your head in so that he couldn’t see the look, but despite your best efforts to hide it, Seungkwan sensed the embarrassment. He reached down and gently coaxed your head back up so that he could look in your eyes, quirking an eyebrow to show that he was still awaiting his answer.

“You are a million times better than any blanket,” you whispered back to him.

Seungkwan smiled and very slowly leaned forward, his lips pressing a chaste kiss to yours.

“Alright, let’s get back to work.”

[earnestly-endlessly]

Do you mind doing a list of your favourite modern AUs? A mix is powered and non-powered fics is okay :) TY!

I'm so sorry how late I am with this, but here’s my looooong list of my favourite modern AUs. I hope that you like this list and can find some fics in there that you haven’t read before. Enjoy!

*******

Cherik Modern AU Fic Recs 

Sprich Mit Mir | Talk To Me – dreamweavers

Summary: When Charles meets Erik on a midnight train to London, it’s like all of his Christmases and birthdays have come at once – until Erik opens his mouth, and reveals he cannot speak a word of English.

It isn’t easy to pursue a relationship with someone you need to play Pictionary with just to chat to, but with a little help from Charles’ telepathy, the two language-barrier lovers are determined to make it work.

Come as you are – scarlettblush

Summary: Hospital AU. The one where Charles unknowingly woos a coma patient with Pride and Prejudice. Years later, they meet again.

The Man on the Train – Sophia_Bee

Summary: Charles is heading home from a shift at the busy emergency department of the urban hospital where he works as a nurse. He meets Dr. Erik Lehnsherr on the train, who is clearly interested in Charles, but Charles has a rule. He does not date doctors. Not at all. Never, ever ever. But he does shake his ass at Erik, which might be his downfall.

Eyes on Fire – Black_Betty

Summary: Every once in a while, fashion tycoon Emma Frost invites her favourite male models over to entertain her. And by "entertain", I mean she makes them have kinky consensual sex in front of her....Emma never touches herself when she watches, but she always has a glass of wine with her. Emma likes it best when they eventually forget that she's watching.

Charles and Erik meet each other through Emma...

(I've taken some liberties with the prompt, but all the sex is still there, and it's wholly consensual...and gradually, becomes more than just sex...)

Paper Monsters – Clocks

Summary: Fill for this prompt: Charles meets Erik Lehnsherr, his favorite novelist of all time at a coffee shop, but doesn't know it's him, and Erik just criticizes his own writing in front of his biggest fan.

Order Up - ikeracity

Summary: Charles has a terrible habit of multitasking, and that is probably why he absentmindedly tells the pizza man that he loves him when hanging up. Then the pizza man says it back. And Charles is pretty much smitten from there.

Some Things Are Meant To Be – Ikeracity

Summary: Erik is a famous singer. Charles is a closeted fan. When Raven drags him to Erik's concert, the last thing Charles expects is for Erik to single him out of the crowd, for Erik to look right at him as he sings. And the last, last thing he expects is for Erik to personally serenade him and pull him on stage and kiss him senseless, because some things are meant to be and Erik knows it.

Rumor Mill – Ikeracity

Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends. So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

Serendipity – humanveil

Summary: Charles sends a text to the wrong number.

[10:22 AM]

Can we meet for coffee? I just got dumped.

[10:30 AM]

I think you've got the wrong number.

[10:31 AM]

Unless you make a habit of texting people you don't know about this sort of thing?

A Nice Boy (The Family Matters Edition) – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik's not sure whether the problem is that he doesn't want his parents to meet Charles or that he doesn't want Charles to meet his parents. Either way, he never invites Charles to brunch. Why should he? It's not like they're dating.

Frosted Hearts – aesc, palalife

Summary: Emma Frost has 99 problems, but a date ain't one. Specifically, she has no time to play the dating game--which is fine with her, because she'd much rather run it instead. From a set of sleek, silver and white offices on Fifth Avenue and with her trusty, stylish, and silent partner Janos Quested, Emma has built Frosted Hearts into New York City's premiere dating service, built on the principle that money, and a sufficiently rigorous psionic scan, can, in fact, buy you love.

Somewhere in Frosted Hearts's server is one Charles Xavier, genius and geneticist, with the kind of nicely-starched good looks that sell well on brochures for New England prep schools. He's also a telepath who's decided to give up pursuing serious relationships and instead spend his thirties doing what he should have done as a teenager: have a lot of sex with random people. Fortunately for him, Erik Lehnsherr, metallokinetic and engineering executive, has absolutely no time in his heart or his schedule for anything more serious than... well, absolutely nothing romantic at all.

Work/Life Balance – pocky_slash

Summary: As teens, Charles was the star of a super popular tween/teen television show and Erik was his best friend. As adults, they're a frighteningly domestic married couple and Alex, Darwin, and Sean are Erik's nosy co-workers.

Impulse Decisions – listerinezero

Summary: Erik wakes up in Las Vegas with a hell of a hangover, a telepath in his bed, and a ring on his finger. Now what?

Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme

Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.

The Proper Care of Actors – afrocurl, Clear_Liqueur, Clocks, Etherei

Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

In the Bleak Midwinter – keire_ke

Summary: It is not easy to find out, well into the second decade of the twenty-first century, that your mother arranged a marriage for you. It is even less easy to convince her that you have no interest in the very fertile Magda, she of the wide hips and lustrous auburn hair. Fortunately, with a good friend at his side over the holiday weekend, Erik is sure he will prevail.

Curve Fitting – kianspo

Summary: The weird thing is, Charles always introduces Raven as his sister, but he never calls Erik his brother. Erik would be bothered, except he prefers not to think of Charles as his brother, either. He can’t figure it out for four years, and then suddenly he can.

Or. A non-powered AU in which Sharon Xavier never remarries, and Charles 'adopts' not only Raven, but Erik too.

Right Person, Wrong Time – PoppyX

Summary: "TL;DR Charles is an insecure high school student who loses his virginity to the right person at the wrong time, and Erik makes it up to him in a romantic manner."

Favorite Mistake by endingthemes

Summary: Charles Xavier doesn’t think anything of it when he sneaks out without even saying goodbye to his latest one-night stand. What he doesn’t expect is to walk into his new position in the Xavier Industries marketing department and find that his latest hook-up is now his new boss.

I ♥ NY (It’s My Friends I’m Not Sure Of) by oddegg

Summary: For a 1stclass-kink meme promp: Erik is a single, successful man who likes quick sex with no strings attached. Then, he meets college professor Charles and it's love at first sight, at least for him. Charles, who heard of Erik's notorious ways, wants nothing to do with him besides being friends. Cue Erik bending over backwards to steal Charles' heart.

From Westminster With Love - thehoyden

Summary: NATO intelligence says there’s an omega-class telepath who sleeps under Westminster. Major Erik Lehnsherr is about to find out the truth for himself.

Accidentally Welcome to the Rest of Your Lives by kianspo

Summary: Non-powered college AU. Erik and Charles have nothing in common until they end up having sex at someone's party. They don't have much in common after that, either, but find each other a hard habit to quit.

irreconcilable differences (make for surprisingly good bedfellows) – pocky_slash

Summary: Tonight on The Evening Report with Malcolm Stevens, noted geneticist and mutant equality proponent Dr. Charles Xavier faces off with the infamous mutant rights activist Magneto in a live televised debate over the Genetic Nondiscrimination Act.

(At least, if they can stop flirting long enough to stay on topic.)

Mutually Beneficial Transaction – Pookaseraph

Summary: In his sophomore year at Columbia University, Erik, feeling slowly strangled by his mounting college debt, places an add on a sugar daddies website. He doesn't know exactly what to expect from it, but when he's contacted by a man named Charles who seems less creepy than the other people who have responded to his profile, he decides to give it a shot. Charles is nothing like what he expected, and Erik finds himself slowly falling in love with his sugar daddy while trying to find out exactly what caused this amazing guy to buy his emotional and sexual intimacy when he clearly deserves so much more than that.

Made To Be Broken - Yahtzee

Summary: Charles makes a New Year's Resolution: “No more straight men,” Charles repeated as he began scrolling through the apartment directory for Emma’s name. “No more futility. No more pointless hoping and heartbreak. In 2013, I never want to hear the words ‘exception,’ ‘experimenting’ or ‘phase.’ If, God forbid, I hear ‘bicurious’ even once, I may take a hostage.”

Then he goes into the party, and Erik is there.

Anarchy In The U.K. – Yahtzee

Summary: "Good God, Erik thought. The Prince of Wales is gay."

Charles lives in the unceasing glare of the public spotlight, yet keeps his sexual orientation a closely held secret, afraid he could lose his throne and force his deeply troubled younger sister into a role that would crush her. Erik, journalist and world traveler, has been a loner most of his life; he has little patience for closet cases. But a chance meeting in Kenya brings these two opposites together and sets in motion a love affair that will challenge the British monarchy -- and their most deeply held beliefs about who they are, and who they should be.

An Ideal Grace – afrocurl

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a visiting professor at Columbia University, as well as an acclaimed and award winning poet. Charles Xavier is a lead researcher with the Genetics Department who is well on his way to tenure. But what happens when Charles has to cancel a class because half his students abandon him in favour of a mysterious new English Lit professor? Naturally he ends up sitting in in the class, where Professor Lehnsherr mistakes him for a student. It's really too bad Erik has such a strict policy against dating students. It's also too bad Erik doesn't seem to know how to use Google.

An absence which could not be more there – aesc

Summary: He prepared to shift another half-step over to the Current Events section (which would, of course, enrage him) when the teaser positioned by the model's left elbow caught his eye: DATING WHILE TELEPATHIC: WHY I DON'T DO IT.

rooms/shares – pocky_slash

Summary: Erik is single, working a cube job he hates, letting his master's degree in mutant studies collect dust, and living on his best friend's couch. When she kicks him out, he's forced to trawl Craigslist for the least-offensive rooming option within his meagre budget. He never expects a response from the persnickety, high maintenance ad he replies to as a joke, but it's possible this too-nice apartment and mysteriously absent roommate might be the answer to all four of his problems.

Heli Cases –Black_Betty

Summary: "Heli Cases" is a program on PBS whose aim is to educate on the rapidly increasing occurrence of genetic mutation in the general populous by breaking the complex science down into palatable, easy to digest pieces.

It is also the only thing that helps Erik get his fussy daughter to fall asleep.

(Featuring Dadneto, baby Lorna and the struggles of single fatherhood, and Charles as the host of a late night show about genetics.)

Simple and Uncomplicated – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik and Charles had been fuck buddies for some, but when Charles is in an accident he figured their relationship would be over. Erik's visit to his bedside in the hospital changes his assumptions even as he has trouble believing Erik is sincere.

Guilty by Association – Regann

Summary: While investigating the homicide of a John Doe who he suspects might've been murdered while working the streets as a prostitute, Detective Erik Lehnsherr finds an unexpected ally in a hooker named Charles who seems as determined as he to solve the case. As they become more deeply involved both with the case and each other, there's just one thing that Charles neglects to mention -- that he's really an investigative journalist, one quickly convinced that what they're dealing with is more than simple murder. cop!Erik, fake-hooker-slash-reporter!Charles, Modern AU.

This Is Not Comedy – baehj2915

Summary: Written for amarriageoftrueminds' prompt for a Cherik version of Louis CK's tangent about the fuckability of Ewan McGregor.

Naturally the similarities end there. I made this about Erik's full on public lust-filled gay revelation, and the chaos that spirals from there.

Politico – cygnaut

Summary: Modern Genosha Politics AU. In which Erik is l'enfant terrible of the mutant National Assembly, and his staff just wants to get him laid.

Conspiracy of Kisses –  Alaceron

Summary: Seven-year-old Erik needs to keep his telepathic best friend Charles from finding out that he wants to kiss him. But that's okay, because he has a plan - he'll put on a tinfoil hat.

The Pretender – Clocks

Summary: Charles is sick of having his best friend Erik drop to one knee and fake-propose to him in restaurants, just to score a free dessert. He doesn’t know which is worse: the complete embarrassment, or the likelihood that Erik doesn’t mean a word of it.

Bound – FuryRed

Summary: Is there anything worse than someone else’s wedding? Well, perhaps your sister’s wedding- where the groom just has to invite his boss and that man just happens to be your ex-boyfriend; a person you had an extremely passionate and tumultuous relationship with that ended badly.

Charles hadn’t seen Erik for a year by the time Raven had told him about the wedding. He wasn’t looking forward to the occasion, particularly when Raven explained that they would be celebrating the event with a two-week extravaganza at a luxury hotel, meaning that Charles would be forced to spend a whole fortnight with the man who he’d given everything to; the man who had ultimately broken his heart…

Lonesome On the Shelf – ikeracity

Summary: After three years of marriage, Charles has to admit that his relationship with Erik has significantly cooled off. These days, they're barely ever home at the same time and it seems like every conversation they have turns into an argument. Charles misses the way they used to be, misses the spontaneous dinner parties and the surprise morning sex and the wake up calls in the early mornings to catch the sunrise. But it's going to take two of them to fix this marriage, and some days, it seems as if all Erik wants is to be rid of him.

A fic about rekindling marriage.

Math Reasons – pearl_o, pocky_slash

Summary: "Mom says Erik always knows what he wants, it just sometimes takes him a little while to actually realize it," Ruth said.

Charles fell in love with Erik the first night they met, the first week of freshman year. Two years of friendship, adventures, arguments, hijinks, secrets, and summer visits later, Erik is starting to catch up.

Melted Ice Cream and Macaroni Art – pocky_slash

Summary: Everybody likes Charles. Nobody likes Erik. And that's really the source of Erik's doubts. Also, there's ice cream and a baby.

Watch Your Back – swoopswoop

Summary: Bodyguard AU where Erik is overly protective and things aren't as simple as they seem.

Dress Your Family in Plaid and Skinny Jeans – cygnaut

Summary: Erik and Charles meet at the mutant playgroup/parenting support circle and they instantly hit it off. And so do their kids, Lorna and David.

Continue firm and constant – aesc

Summary: Moira hasn't seen her old partner in saving the world from threats human and intergalactic, Erik Lehnsherr, for a few years. When she finally does see him again, she finds a man different from the one who's been with her down in the dark and the dirt and the blood... or maybe he isn't so different after all.

cradles you and connects you to everything – pocky_slash

Summary: Charles and Erik spend a chilly November afternoon in Manhattan doing not much at all. Also, there are cupcakes, chess, and Feelings.

[a-simple-imagine]

Snapshots

Synopsis: Little moments of Y/N and Natasha’s life together starting from when they first met. Natasha never knew just how special Y/N would turn out to be.

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Words: 2.9k+

A/N - THIS IS AN AU but I think it’s better if you figure it out what kind as you read it rather than me telling you. Just seems cuter that way. 

1. Rain poured down like a blanket covering the busy streets of New York City. It had been a frequent occurrence as of late; it felt like it was never going to come to an end. Some called it an inconvenience but not everybody was bothered by the rain. Today was like any other day for Natasha Romanoff as she strolled along towards her apartment. A pitch-black umbrella held securely in her hand to shield her from the tiny knights of the grey clouds that fell from above. She considered the rain to be peaceful. The streets of New York were busy but it'd be worse had it been a sunny day. People walk faster when it's raining.

"Fuck!" She heard the words of another before she could figure out what was going on. Falling to the ground hard; the umbrella slipping from her fingers, the wind pushing it straight into oncoming traffic. There was no saving it now, at least it didn't cause an accident. A hand was held out before her and as she looked up she found the owner to be a woman; the brightest of smiles on her lips. She wore polka-dot rain boots and a raincoat to match. There was no need for her to carry an umbrella too but she was. With a little help, Natasha was pulled to her feet.

"I'm so sorry," The woman chuckled casually. She was a little too friendly for Natasha's taste, she could already tell. "I wasn't looking where I was going. I- I didn't even notice you."

"It's fine," Natasha shrugs, her voice stoic and cold in return. She had no intention of making friends with someone so careless. And frankly, she was annoyed that she was now wet and a little sore. Her hand instinctively going to rub her bottom where she collided with the ground. Her shoulder was a little sore too.

"Sorry about your umbrella too, the wind can be a bitch," The other woman thrust hers forward as an apology. "Here, take mine."

"What about you?" Natasha was cautious. She cared not for the other’s wellbeing but the random act of kindness itself. It was a rarity or at least she found it to be. And it was otherwise pointless considering the rain hadn't stopped throughout this entire exchange. The girl shrugged as quick as ever and after a little debate, Natasha decided to take it.

"I've always loved the rain anyway." She didn't so much as even put her hood up. "I'll see you around." And with a little wave of goodbye, she turned on her heel and disappeared into the cloak of rainfall.

2. The encounter was forgotten almost as quickly as it happened. Natasha didn't have time to dwell on such trivial matters. But it seemed like fate had other plans for the young widow as she walked into another on her way to get coffee. The same familiar face with a perfect little smile. "Shit, sorry,"

Their eyes met but only for a moment before Natasha looked anywhere but at the Y/E/C eyes that burned into hers and for a split second the world wasn't so grey. A trick of the light, perhaps. "It's fine." Natasha waves her hand dismissively, wondering if the other remembered her too. It took a little longer but she eventually caught on.

"You're the girl who stole my umbrella."

"Stole?" Natasha huffed. "I didn't steal anything, you gave me it."

"Semantics," the woman teased, all playful and smiley. "Guess you don't need it anymore,"

She looked to the sky so Natasha did too. Clouds on a canvas that was apparently blue. "Guess not," she replies with a flash of a smile. Natasha took the lead without so much as a goodbye, she brushed past the woman to head inside.

"Wait," The girl called as the coffee shop doorbell rang, Natasha, let it fall closed again. Turning to face to girl. "Are you free now? Maybe we could," she held up her coffee cup, it had little paw prints on. "Get coffee or something?"

Natasha looked between the two but shook her head. Why would she want to get coffee with a stranger? She was far too busy. "I'm on my way to work so... rain check."

The other woman laughed a little at the accidental pun. "I'm Y/N,"

"Natasha,"

"Well, Natasha," Y/N took a few steps closer, taking a sip of her drink. "How about you give me your number? That way we don't have to randomly keep bumping into one another if we want to see each other." Natasha entered her number, there was no harm done. The other woman didn't seem like much of a threat. And a change of company could be nice. "Don't forget my umbrella,"

Natasha watched her walk away only to be interrupted by a couple trying to leave the shop. She stepped out the way before heading inside for an early morning coffee.

3. Natasha felt silly. She didn't go on dates. Normal people went on dates and she was the exact opposite of that. Was this even a date? Maybe Y/N thought it was just two friends - because that's what they were now - getting lunch together. They still hardly knew each other. She shifted her weight as she stood awkwardly outside the train station. Checking her phone in hopes of a message that suggested they could cancel the whole thing and go home.

"Hey stranger," Y/N appeared looking as chipper as ever. "You okay there? You like shady as hell." What did she mean by that? Natasha thought best not to ask; she smiled in return. Hoping it was enough to put those thoughts to bed. "Are you coming?"

Y/N had started off down the road with Natasha trailing after her. "There's a glorious little cafe not too far from here. I know the owner and they make the best grilled cheese I've ever had," Natasha met her eyes when she glanced back. "That sound okay to you or would you prefer something fancier?"

"The cafe sounds great," With a curious raise of her eyebrow, Y/N kept her eyes on Natasha as she walked. Natasha couldn't help but wonder why? What had caught her interest, she sped up a little so they were walking side by side. She didn't really know what to say. This other woman was so... strange and perky. Almost the complete opposite of herself.

They sat at a small table just outside the cafe. A little fake plant sat in the middle alongside the condiments. Dark clouds drifted above, threatening to let the rain fall. There wasn't much of a conversation happening or more so, Natasha stayed quiet as Y/N spoke. She imagined Y/N to be the kind of person who could talk to anyone and everyone. You could bring up any topic and she'd talk for hours. Partway through a conversation about dreams - the sleep kind, not future kind - a single raindrop hit the end of Natasha’s nose. Y/N dipped a chip into a little sauce dish before popping it into her mouth. "Should we go?"

"Home?" Y/N asked. Natasha nodded a little, she didn't fancy being poured on right now. By the look on Y/N's face, she didn't want it to be over. "We can if you want but I was kind of hoping to do something else if you're feeling up to it?"

Y/N rose from her seat leaving a fair tip behind. Natasha followed, keeping an eye on the sky. "You're not worried about the rain? You're not exactly dressed for it."

"I don't mind and besides you have my umbrella right?" Y/N offered a gentle smile, walking back to take hold of her hand. "Is this okay?"

Natasha glanced down to their hands. Y/N' was surprisingly cold but a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know," Y/N replied with a little shrug, leading the way. "I figured we could just walk and see where we end up?"

"...Sounds like a plan," Natasha agreed slowly with a little nod off her head. She had no idea where they'd end up but she was glad they hadn't gone home.

4. "What's your favourite colour?" Y/N asked from a few paces ahead. Polka-dot boots stomping dramatically in all the puddles. Onlookers giving her distasteful glances that she simply ignored.

"I don't have one," Y/N came to an abrupt stop, spinning on her heel. Her brows were furrowed like someone had just said the most ridiculous thing. "Everyone has a favourite colour."

"Not me," Natasha shrugs, gliding past. She knew this would come up eventually, maybe it was just time to come clean. "I suffer from achromatopsia"

"And what is that?" Her cheerful disposition was beginning to fade. That always happened.

"I'm colour blind." Natasha watched Y/N’s smile fade entirely. Replaced by a look she hated; one of pity. "I can't see any colour. Only shades of black and white."

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. It's not your fault." Natasha had come to terms years ago. It didn't really hinder her in any way; except when people annoyingly used colours to describe something. Sometimes she'd simply pretend to know what they were talking about just so she didn't have to admit she couldn't see the colours. "What's your favourite?"

Y/N thought for a moment. "I don't know, yellow maybe?"

"Yellow," Natasha repeats.

"I suppose you wouldn't know what yellow looks like,"

"Not really," Natasha shook her head. "Explain it to me."

Y/N frowned up at Natasha, meeting her eyes. "I don't.- how do you explain colour?" Natasha left it at that. She didn't know how to explain colour either. After a moment the other woman piped up again. "Yellow is... bright and warm like the sun on a clear day. Or like a good hug after a long day."

5. Natasha didn't like carnivals, they left her feeling overwhelmed. They were just too loud and much too bright. Not to mention all the people barging around like they owned the place. But tonight she had agreed to attend alongside Y/N who was as eager as a child on Christmas morning.

"What do you want to do first?" Y/N questioned. Natasha debated saying go home but she kept that thought in her mental drafts.

"How about the Ferris wheel?" The Ferris wheel was both safe and slow. Not that she was scared to try the other rides, she'd just prefer not having to.

"We can't." Y/N insisted sharply. Natasha's brow knitted together in suspicion.

"Why not?"

"We have to wait until later." Y/N replied but didn't give any other information on the matter. "How about...." she surveyed the carnival and Natasha did too. "I know let's play a game."

Natasha was being dragged towards the booth before she had any chance to protest. A teenager stood inside looking bored and he explained the game. The aim was to fire the water gun at the mouth of the very creepy clown to inflate the balloon. Natasha watched Y/N try first, she wasn't very good but she seemed to have a very determined look on her face. It was no surprise when the time ran out and she didn't win. "You have a go."

"No thanks,"

"Come on," Y/N shuffled over, pushing Natasha towards the booth. "Win me a bear, I know you can do it."

Natasha sighed softly but she picked up the gun and aimed it. Pressing on the trigger as the bell rang, water shot into the clown's mouth. Carnival games are near impossible, they make them extra hard so fewer people win which explained the shocked look on Y/N’s face when she won. The guy even offered a bonus round which was basically just as easy. Natasha knew she had a great aim. Y/N practically jumped on her as she was handed a giant stuffed bear.

"That was so cool," Y/N called happily, slapping a wet kiss against the woman's cheek. "I never expected you to be that good."

"I'm a woman of many talents," Natasha responds, offering up the bear to her. Y/N proceeded to walk around giving the stupid stuffed animal a piggyback ride. It was adorable to watch her skip around with child-like glee. Natasha even gave in and went on a bunch of rides. She had cotton candy for the first time, it was much too sweet.

"What should we do next?" Y/N wondered sweetly; turning around to face her.

"What do you want to do? I think we've done a lot."

"What time is it?"

Natasha shrugged, looking to her phone for the answer. "Like... sevenish."

Keeping hold of the bear, she took Natasha's hand in a way she had done many times before.  "Let's go on the Ferris wheel."

"Sure," Natasha has no reason to protest. She was surprised by how much she was actually enjoying being here. Maybe it was just the company. Y/N was a chipper little weirdo who liked to jump in muddy puddles. She insisted on going into toy stores just to press all the buttons which is apparently totally normal for a grown woman to do. She had a major sweet tooth and can't walk past a bakery without wanting a cake or two. She was so unapologetically herself in everything she does. They'd been dating a while now. It happened naturally. Natasha had been unsure at first considering how different they seemed to be but Y/N was such a welcoming presence.

"Fair warning, the ride will stop when we're at the top." Y/N was practically oozing excitement. Wasn't new for her but it was just a Ferris wheel.

"Why?" Natasha wondered. Wasn't a big deal but she was curious.

"You'll see," Y/N climbs in first, placing the bear down to her right by the window. Natasha joins her. The ride starts and the seat shakes, Y/N shuffles a little closer. Natasha looked through the window at the theme park below. It was still as bright and hectic even as it got later. What time did this place even close? As it came to the top the ride came to a stop.

"I... kinda wanted to tell you something..." Y/N pipes up, taking a deep breath.

"Is that why we've stopped?" Natasha asks but Y/N just shakes her head. "No that's something else."

"What then?"

"We've been dating a while now, how have you not got annoyed with me yet?" Y/N offers up a little smile.

"Guess I've just gotten used to it. It'd be weird if you didn't annoy me all the time."

"You're like no one I've ever met before," Natasha frowns a little unsure of where this was going. "I just... I'm grateful." Natasha places her arm around the other woman and pulls her closer. Y/N head falls to her shoulder. A silence follows. "I love you, Natasha." Natasha hears the words but they're interrupted by a massive explosion of light that catches her off guard. Y/N puts her arms around Natasha in an attempt to comfort her. "Fireworks, look."

Natasha turns from Y/N to watch. The fireworks are chaotic and completely unpredictable as they scatter to find their own space on the canvas. Shimmering lights twinkling amongst the stars in the dark night sky. They were loud and magnificent but short-lived. It takes a second to realise but each flash was significantly different than the last. Each one crackled with... "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah. Go ahead."

"Are they supposed to look like that?" Natasha wondered. She didn't understand what exactly was different or how to describe it. She'd never actually seen fireworks before, it always seemed pointless to just stare at bright lights and she wasn't fond of how loud they were or the smell they left behind.

Y/N was visibly confused as she turned to face her. "Look like what? They're bright lights in different colours. I like the really big ones that spiral into the sky before exploding into a splatter of giant light."

"Colours?"

"Fireworks have colours to them? Each one is a different colour, you see that." Y/N points out the window. "It's..." she hesitates until one explodes. "Purple"

"Purple," She repeated. Each one was a different colour. Then it clicked; for the first time in Natasha Romanoff's life she wasn't just seeing different shades of grey, she was seeing dazzling, vivid explosions of.... colour, maybe? What colours she didn't know but it brought a bright smile to her lips.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Y/N gently wiped away a tear from Natasha's cheek. She hadn’t even realised.

"You're crying? I don't think I've ever seen you cry before."

"I can see them," Natasha admits slowly. "The colours?"

"...what?"

"I can see them. Each colour. Every colour."

"For real?" Y/N was confused but clearly happy. "That's amazing, Natasha- Really, I'm so happy for you.

Y/N wouldn't ever quite grasp the gravity of the situation. How could she? She probably didn't even think it was real; Natasha didn't even believe it herself. How long it would last she couldn't be sure. Maybe a few minutes. A few hours. Forever. But it didn't matter. Right now all that mattered was that she was sharing this moment with a woman who brought so much colour into her life even before she could see them. Y/N was special in so many ways.

"Y/N,"

"Yeah Nat," the ride started up again, startling the both of them as the whole carriage started to shake. Natasha places her hand gently against Y/N’s cheek, turning so their eyes met - her eyes had never looked more beautiful - before pulling her into a soft embrace. Y/N tasted sweet like sugar and Natasha wouldn’t have it any other way. 

"I love you too."