#Still love the title theme a lot. <3

[yamanoskk]

The real mastermind, the unpredictable subordinate, and the 'spies'

My fanarts of the new casts in Touhou 19!

Overall, I do enjoy the game! Really adore all of the new casts, the new music are cool and the story is interesting! Really nice to see more of the old casts come back in here too!

[denimbex1986]

'...“It’s fun playing bad, but actually he’s not,” the actor says, smiling as he reflects on his character, Crowley. “He’s a villain with a heart. The amount of really evil things he does are vanishingly small.”

...As it always has, “Good Omens” dissects the view of good and evil as absolutes, showing viewers that they are not as separate as we were led to believe growing up. Aziraphale and Crowley’s long-standing union is proof of this. The show also urges people to look at what defines our own humanity. For Tennant — who opted to wear a T-shirt emblazoned with the words “Leave trans kids alone you absolute freaks” during a photocall for Season 2 — these themes are more important now than ever before.

“In this society that we’re currently living in, where polarization seems ever more present, fierce and difficult to navigate. Negotiation feels like a dirty word at times,” he says, earnestly. “This is a show about negotiation. Two extremes finding common ground and making their world a better place through it. Making life easier, kinder and better. If that’s the sort of super objective of the show, then I can’t think of anything more timely, relevant or apt for the rather fractious times we’re living in.”

“Good Omens” is back by popular demand for another season. How does it feel?

It’s lovely. Whenever you send something out into the world, you never quite know how it will land. Especially with this, because it was this beloved book that existed, and that creates an extra tension that you might break some dreams. But it really exploded. I guess we were helped by the fact that we had Neil Gaiman with us, so you couldn’t really quibble too much with the decisions that were being made. The reception was, and continues to be, overwhelming.

Now that you’re no longer bound by the original material that people did, perhaps, feel a sense of ownership over, does the new content for Season 2 come with a sense of freedom for you? This is uncharted territory, of sorts.

That’s an interesting point. I didn’t know the book when I got the script. It was only after that I discovered the worlds of passion that this book had incited. Because I came to it that way, perhaps it was easier. I found liberation from that, to an extent. For me, it was always a character that existed in a script. At first, I didn’t have that extra baggage of expectation, but I acquired it in the run-up to Season 1 being released… the sense that suddenly we were carrying a ming vase across a minefield.

In Season 2, we still have Neil and we also have some of the ideas that he and Terry had discussed. During the filming of the first one, Neil would drop little hints about the notions they had for a prospective sequel, the title of which would have been “668: The Neighbour of the Beast,” which is a pretty solid gag to base a book around. Indeed there were elements like Gabriel and the Angels, who don’t feature in the book, that were going to feature in a sequel. They were brought forward into Season 1. So, even in the new episodes, we’re not entirely leaving behind the Terry Pratchett-ness of it all.

It’s great to see yourself and Michael Sheen reunited on screen as these characters. Fans will have also watched you pair up for Season 3 of “Staged.” You’re quite the dynamic duo. What do you think is the magic ingredient that makes the two of you such a good match?

It’s a slightly alchemical thing. We knew each other in passing before, but not well. We were in a film together [“Bright Young Things,” 1993] but we’d never shared a scene. It was a bit of a roll of the dice when we turned up at the read-through for “Good Omens.” I think a lot comes from the writing, as we were both given some pretty juicy material to work with. Those characters are beloved for a reason because there’s something magical about them and the way they complete each other. Also, I think we’re quite similar actors in the way we like to work and how we bounce off each other.

Does the shorthand and trust the two of you have built up now enable you to take more risks on-screen?

Yes, probably. I suppose the more you know someone, the more you trust someone. You don’t have to worry about how an idea might be received and you can help each other out with a more honest opinion than might be the case if you were, you know, dancing around each other’s nervous egos. Enjoying being in someone’s orbit and company is a positive experience. It makes going to work feel pleasant, productive, and creative. The more creative you can be, the better the work is. I don’t think it’s necessarily a given that an off-screen relationship will feed into an on-screen one in a positive or negative way. You can play some very intimate moments with someone you barely know. Acting is a peculiar little contract, in that respect. But it’s disproportionately pleasurable going to work when it’s with a mate.

Fans have long discussed the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. In Season 2, we see several of the characters debate whether the two are an item, prompting them to look at their union and decipher what it is. How would you describe their relationship?

They are utterly co-dependent. There’s no one else having the experience that they are having and they’ve only got each other to empathize with. It’s a very specific set of circumstances they’ve been dealt. In this season, we see them way back at the creation of everything. They’ve known each other a long time and they’ve had to rely on each other more and more. They can’t really exist one without the other and are bound together through eternity. Crowley and Aziraphale definitely come at the relationship with different perspectives, in terms of what they’re willing to admit to the relationship being. I don’t think we can entirely interpret it in human terms, I think that’s fair to say.

Yet fans are trying to do just that. Do you view it as beyond romantic or any other labels, in the sense that it’s an eternal force?

It’s lovely [that fans discuss it] but you think, be careful what you wish for. If you’re willing for a relationship to go in a certain way or for characters to end up in some sort of utopian future, then the story is over. Remember what happened to “Moonlighting,” that’s all I’m saying! [Laughs]

Your father-in-law, Peter Davison, and your son, Ty Tennant, play biblical father-and-son duo Job and Ennon in Episode 2. In a Tumblr Q&A, Neil Gaiman said that he didn’t know who Ty’s family was when he cast him. When did you become aware that Ty had auditioned?

I don’t know how that happened. I do a bunch of self-tapes with Ty, but I don’t think I did this one with him because I was out of town filming “Good Omens.” He certainly wasn’t cast before we started shooting. There were two moments during filming where Neil bowled up to me and said, “Guess, who we’ve cast?” Ty definitely auditioned and, as I understand it, they would tell me, he was the best. I certainly imagine he could only possibly have been the best person for the job. He is really good in it, so I don’t doubt that’s true. And then my father-in-law showed up, as well, which was another delicious treat. In the same episode and the same family! It was pretty weird. I have worked with both of them on other projects, but never altogether.

There’s a “Doctor Who” cameo, of sorts, in Episode 5, when Aziraphale uses a rare annual about the series as a bartering tool. In reality, you’ll be reprising your Time Lord role on screen later this year in three special episodes to mark the 60th anniversary. Did you always feel you’d return to “Doctor Who” at some point?

There’s a precedent for people who have been in the series to return for a multi-doctor show, which is lovely. I did it myself for the 50th anniversary in 2013, and I had a wonderful time with Matt [Smith]. Then, to have John Hurt with us, as well, was a little treat. But I certainly would never have imagined that I’d be back in “Doctor Who” full-time, as it were, and sort of back doing the same job I did all those years ago. It was like being given this delightful, surprise present. Russell T Davies was back as showrunner, Catherine Tate [former on-screen companion] was back, and it was sort of like the last decade and a half hadn’t happened.

Going forward, Ncuti Gatwa will be taking over as the new Doctor. Have you given him any advice while passing the baton?

Oh God, what a force of nature. I’ve caught a little bit of him at work and it’s pretty exciting. I mean, what advice would you give someone? You can see Ncuti has so much talent and energy. He’s so inspired and charismatic. The thing about something like this is: it’s the peripherals, it’s not the job. It’s the other stuff that comes with it, that I didn’t see coming. It’s a show that has so much focus and enthusiasm on it. It’s not like Ncuti hasn’t been in a massive Netflix series [“Sex Education,”] but “Doctor Who” is on a slightly different level. It’s cross-generational, international, and has so much history, that it feels like it belongs to everyone.

To be at the center of the show is wonderful and humbling, but also a bit overwhelming and terrifying. It doesn’t come without some difficulties, such as the immediate loss of anonymity. It takes a bit of getting used to if that’s not been your life up to that point. I was very lucky that when I joined, Billie Piper [who portrayed on-screen companion, Rose] was still there. She’d lived in a glare of publicity since she was 14, so she was a great guide for how to live life under that kind of scrutiny. I owe a degree of sanity to Billie.

Your characters are revered by a few different fandoms. Sci-fi fandoms are especially passionate and loyal. What is it like being on the end of that? I imagine it’s a lot to hold.

Yes, certainly. Having been a fan of “Doctor Who” since I was a tiny kid, you’re aware of how much it means because you’re aware of how much it meant to you. My now father-in-law [who portrayed Doctor Who in the 80s] is someone I used to draw in comic strips when I was a kid. That’s quite peculiar! It’s a difficult balance because on one end, you have to protect your own space, and there aren’t really any lessons in that. That does take a bit of trial and error, to an extent, and it’s something that you’re sometimes having to do quite publicly. But, it is an honor and a privilege, without a doubt. As you’ve said, it means so much to people and you want to be worthy of that. You have to acknowledge that and be careful with it. Some days that’s tough, if you’re not in the mood.

I know you’re returning to the stage later this year to portray Macbeth. You’ve previously voiced the role for BBC Sounds, but how are you feeling about taking on the character in the theater?

I’m really excited about it. It’s been a while since I’ve done Shakespeare. It’s very thrilling but equally — and this analogy probably doesn’t stretch — it’s like when someone prepares for an Olympic event. It does feel like a bit of a mountain and, yeah, you’re daring to set yourself up against some fairly worthy competition from down the years. That’s both the challenge and the horror of doing these types of things. We’ve got a great director, Max Webster, who recently did “Life of Pi.” He’s full of big ideas. It’s going to be exciting, thrilling, and a little bit scary. I’m just going to take a deep breath.

Before we part ways, let’s discuss the future of “Good Omens.” Gaiman has said that he already has ideas for Season 3, should it happen. If you were to do another season, is there anyone in particular you’d love to work with next time around or anything specific you’d like to see happen for Crowley?

Oh, Neil Gaiman knows exactly where he wants to take it. If you’re working with people like Gaiman, I wouldn’t try to tamper with that creative void. Were he to ask my opinion, that would be a different thing, but I can’t imagine he would. He’s known these characters longer than me and what’s interesting is what he does with them. That’s the bit that I’m desperate to know. I do know where Crowley might end up next, but it would be very wrong if I told you.

[At this point, Tennant picks up a pencil and starts writing on a hotel pad of paper.]

I thought you were going to write it down for me then. Perhaps like a clandestine meeting on a bench in St James’ Park, but instead you’d write the information down and slide it across the table…

I should have done! I was drawing a line, which obviously, psychologically, I was thinking, “Say no more. You’re too tempted to reveal a secret!” It was my subconscious going “Shut the fuck up!”

[slut4sugu]

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓 — HOBIE BROWN

❀ including: nsfw themes, so minors please don’t interact! Mentions of: Choking, edging, blowjobs, fingering, biting, thigh fucking, size kinks, dumbification, threesomes, wax play, quickies, creampies, etc. (nothing crazy dw loves) ❀ Summary: what the title says! An nsfw alphabet for hobie brown! (Aka my husband <3). #- a word from kam: since this was requested and im bored here you all are!

Back to masterlist . ୧ ‧₊˚ ♫: Slut me out- NLE CHOPPA

A- AFTERCARE (what their like after sex.)

No matter how tired he is he always cleans you up and gives you some water afterwards (unless you like emptied his balls or sum shit-) Sleepy kisses and tight cuddles until you both fall asleep, the playlist you originally had playing earlier that night still playing as you both fall asleep <33

B- BODY (their partners favorite body part)

Honestly he loves your body as a whole and claims. He doesn’t have any favorites but..he fucking loves you thighs bro. Doesn’t matter the size, just the feeling of thrusting his dick in between them or seeing his cum spurt out on them turns him on so much. Would def go crazy if you got his name tattooed on the inner sides of your thigh.

C-CUM

Honestly hobie loves the feeling of cumming inside of you but as I’ve stated before as much as loves to see his cum dribble out of you he loves coming on your cute body and taking pictures after wards (if you’re okay with it of course <3) If you were to ever tell him you would want him to finish in your mouth instead of inside js expected to go 2 extra rounds js because of that <3

D- DICK SIZE (how big are they?)

6.5 inches when soft but nearing 8 when he’s hard. (Yeah that shit is touching your heart girly) Also he’s a bit girth too, so every time he pushes into you it feels like you being split open for the first time all over again. And he cannot get enough of you saying he’s ‘too big’

E- EXPERIENCE ( do they know what they’re doing?)

Hobies been with many others before he’s met you, hes not a sex god or anything. However he’s a quick learner and knows what makes you feel good. When you first had sex he literally unclipped your bra with one hand, while his other rode up your thigh as if it was easy. When you’ve seen many of your ex’s struggle with getting it off with both hands, so needless to say it was attractive to see him multitask without breaking a sweat <3

F- FAVORITE POSTION

He honestly doesn’t have one, but he is fond of cowgirl. He loves seeing your tit’s bounce ontop of him, and gets veryy turned on when you lean down on him and beg him to help you reach your climax. Or when you feel more dominant and choke him lightly, loves that shit

G-GOOFY ( are they serious in the moment?)

He’s on the more serious side, though he will tease you a little if your a loud moaner or if you whine a lot. He loves getting on your nerves <3

H-HAIR (are they groomed down there?)

He trims so it’s not hairy or anything

I-INTIMACY

Veryyy romantic with you, hobie always tries to take his time with you unless your both just itching to fuck. Slow and lazy kisses pressed to your lips while his hands are all over your figure. It almost seems like he’s edging you at times because of how much he’s pacing you but he just wants you to know how much he appreciates his girl <33

J- JERK OFF ( how many times do they do it? Do they do it a all?)

When hobie isn’t with you or when he wasn’t dating you he’d jack off 2 times a day on average. Thinking about your pretty moans and how you jolt every time he sucks at the one sensitive vein on your inner thigh, while he fists his cock in his hand needily. Wishing it was your small soft one <3

K-KINKS

Choking, bondage, sensory play, spanking (to some degree), edging, overstimulation, degradation & praise, dry humping/grinding though clothes, semi public sex (fucking you in a closet in hq if your a spider) dumbification, size kink, creampies, the list goes onnn

L- LOCATION (where do they prefer to do it?)

He honestly would fuck you in a storage closet or in a public bathroom if he was that horny, though most of the times he likes to have the seclusion of having you to himself in his/ your apartment

M- MOTIVATION ( what turns them on?)

Anything. This man can get turned on by you simply not wearing a bra under his band tee and see your hard nipples due to the cold of the ac. Then a few thoughts about you later..you’re now under him getting your pussy eaten out all because you didn’t wear a bra.

N-NO (turn offs, things they wouldn’t do.)

Wax play, threesomes, having someone else watch you, knife play

O-ORAL (giving or receiving, and how good they are at it)

Hobie absolutely loves having his head between your legs, hearing your gasps and moans just turns him on so much and can calm him down after a long day. He’s really fucking good at it too, he’ll use his fingers and his tongue at once if he feels like being a tease or just anxious to feel you cum

Now on the receiving side: he’ll rarely say it verbally but he loves seeing you on your knees for him, almost as much as he loves feeling your pretty lips around his shaft. Seeing the bulge in your throat from trying to take all of him turns him on so damn much.

P-PACE ( how fast are they?)

Depending on his mood he can be slow and deep or fast and rough, he usually quickens his pace when he’s getting close, his head in the crook of your neck usually whispering dirty things into your ear to near your orgasm. But usually he’s in the middle, hitting your g-spot with deep thrust and a good pace.

Q-QUICKIES

As I’ve said before, if he’s horny enough he’ll fuck you for a good 8 minutes in a supply closet if he needs your cunt that bad. Though he really prefers having all the time he wants to make his pretty girl feel good.

Sorry loves i got tireddd, hope you enjoyed the hcs though!

[mostlyghostie]

A new version of this Fantasy Library print!

Just about to sell out of the original run so I took the opportunity to amend a couple of things and add a bit more colour, I’ll be printing this with a few different background colours to choose from.

The book titles read:

1. A Massive, Brilliant Final Instalment of a Series You Didn’t Think Would Ever Be Concluded

2. Everyone You Recommend This To Will Love It As Much As You

3. A Clear & Concise Summary Of All Human History

4. A Novel You Once Loved But Have Since Forgotten

5. Still As Good As When You Read It As a Teenager (If Not Better)

6. A Perfect Short Story

7. A New, Canonical Entry In Your Favourite Series, Fixing The Problems In The Original Ending

8. A Brief Epilogue Telling You What Happened When Your Favourite Characters Grew Up

9. The Book You’ll Write If You Ever Have Time

This new version will be up on my shop by the middle of December 2022, in the meantime there are a few of the old one left and lots of other book and ttrpg themed prints!

ShelfWornDrawn on Etsy

[house-of-lovin]

safety net

Tara Carpenter x F!Reader

masterlist | over (1) | love language (2)

Summary: Tara Carpenter loved playing games with you. (inspired by safety net by ariana grande ft. ty dolla sign)

Warnings/Tags: toxic!tara, clueless!tara, mature language, implied sexual themes, mentions of violence and trauma.

Note: as promised THE LAST PART (woohoo😮‍💨) this was seriously a lot of fun and became a bit of a writing exercise using songs as prompts and trying to piece them together into a storyline. Thanks for all the comments, reblogs and feedback. They are so appreciated! Let me know what you guys think! <3

Word Count: 3.4k+

“You’re staring, again.”

Tara snaps her gaze back to the book on the table, ignoring her friends’ smug smiles. “Why don’t you just go up to her and apologize?”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me, trust me, I’ve tried.” Tara rolls her eyes. 

It’s been two weeks since that night at the party and you have been ignoring Tara. You spent the rest of spring break working at your uncle’s shop, avoiding the friend group, sans Mindy because you couldn’t exactly avoid someone you lived with. Tara attempted to give you space the following days and then reached out to you in hopes that you could talk and sort out the situation. Tara doesn’t want to lose you as a friend. 

“I’m not gonna apologize for something that wasn’t my fault, Mindy. Just because she caught feelings doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. But now she’s ignoring me?” Tara scoffs, “Well, some friend she is.” 

“God Chad’s right. You two are clueless.” Mindy’s nose wrinkled.

“She knows where to find me when she’s done being stubborn.” Crossing her arms, she glances back at you. You were sitting across the quad, on a bench surrounded by your other friends; laughing and talking, unfazed by Tara’s brazen staring. 

How were you not seeing her shameless looks?

She swallowed the pitiful lump in her throat as she continues to observe your carefree nature. 

“Weren’t you begging me to tell her to call you back like a week ago?” Mindy objected causing Anika and Quinn to snicker as they listen in, not bothering to pretend like they weren’t eavesdropping.

“Begging is a stretch,” She mutters weakly, picking at the corner of her book.

“Tara, why can’t you just admit that you want to be with her?” Quinn ponders, genuinely confused as to why you two are playing hopscotch around one another. Everyone could see how madly in love you two are.

It genuinely puzzled the friend group as to why it’s taking this long to get you guys to stop playing games.

They just wanted to see their friends together and happy, definitely not because of the growing bet pool. And not because it was getting increasingly expensive to wager in the bet the longer it ran because you two refused to acknowledge the clear feelings you have for each other. (It was starting to burn a sizeable hole in their wallets)

The brunette shakes her head defiantly, “We’re just hooking up.”

“You’re not acting like you guys are just hooking up.” Anika counters, “actually, you guys act more like a couple than me and Mindy sometimes.”

“No. We don’t,” She frowns.

“Yes you do and it’s gross,” The aforementioned girl interjects. “No one should be cuter than me and my girl.” She wraps an arm around Anika, leaning in to lovingly peck the girl’s cheek. 

“Y/N’s always bringing you coffee when you study with us at the library, even though her class is on the other side of campus.” Anika comments.

“She always loses on purpose when we play card games just so you can win,” Quinn adds.

“She laughs at all your lame jokes and obscure movie references – there’s no way you enjoy Suspiria as much as you say you do,” Mindy stated.

“Hey!” 

“Dude, she has a Spotify playlist titled with your name and heart beside it.” Mindy throws her hands up, feeling a bit fed up.

“Doesn’t mean anything, we share music all the time!”

“Tara, Y/N literally takes care of your plants when you complain about forgetting,” Quinn objects.

Tara’s still feeling persistent. “That’s not true.” 

Her dying plants have been on the mend these last few weeks and it’s definitely because she’s been paying more attention to them; placing the potted plants in a better area for sunlight and watering them more.

Quinn shoots her roommate a pointed look, “You were over-watering them, Tara. Y/N had to come over and change the soil. Did you even notice?”

No, Tara didn’t even notice. She was shocked at how much went over her head as her friends continue to list all the little things you do that, apparently, she’s been too blind to see. She glances back at you as you’re talking to a girl; smiling, unbothered. She recognizes her from her creative writing class – Tara didn’t know you two were close. Close enough for the girl to wrap a hand around your arm and lean into your ear something that the Carpenter can’t make out from the vast distance.

Tara’s eyes slither into tight fissures as she watches the random girl continue to make herself comfortable on you. Eventually, whatever she felt she had to whisper so close was over, but not before the girl planted a kiss on your cheek unsuspectingly. The Carpenter watches as you slightly jump from the contact, then eventually grant her a shy smile – the same smile you reserved for her. 

Tara feels an unpleasant drop in her chest because, for the first time since moving to New York, she allowed herself to finally feel everything she’s been burying.

It was suffocating, making her want to claw at her throat to get rid of the nasty sensation. Regardless of how much she swallowed in an attempt to get rid of the feeling, it only grew larger as it ached; begging to be acknowledged. Hastily, Tara stands up, gathering her things.

“Where are you going?” Her friends' questions were left unacknowledged as she footed it, not really sure where she was going; all Tara knows is that she had to get away before her friends see her break down. 

In her haste, Tara misses your concerned eyes tracking her disappearing figure.

●●●

Tara is choosing to ignore the world and her problems.

After that conversation with her friends, she ran home, plopped into her bed and hid under the covers for the remainder of the afternoon. She put on her favourite horror movies, hoping it would distract her from her thoughts of you. But her efforts proved to be fruitless. You tormented her thoughts regardless of how desperately she tried to drown them out. 

So, she sat there until bright blue skies turned navy and drove herself mad thinking about you.

Trust came sparsely for someone who was violently attacked by a deranged murderer. As much as Tara tried to push through the past and live as if nothing happened, it plagued her in her daily life. It revealed itself when a phone rang too loudly, near kitchen knives, or in dark areas – there were just certain experiences that were tainted by the memory of Ghostface. 

But then you showed up. She remembers opening the door to her apartment and there you were, standing behind Mindy with a $15 bottle of champagne and a poorly-wrapped throw blanket for the old couch to celebrate the Carpenter’s housewarming party (an attempt at some normalcy) with a shy smile and Tara was hooked. 

No matter how much she tried to distance herself, echoing sentiments that it’s a bad idea to get involved with someone so soon.

You lured her in, anyway.

It was in your tenderness that you had Tara wrapped around your finger.

Normally, the Carpenter would be annoyed with someone treating her like she was made of glass, but when it came to you; she knew it wasn’t out of pity. Your gentleness was welcomed with open arms because for once in her life, Tara finally felt like she didn’t have to be so brave all the time, at least, not when she was around you. 

She didn’t have to pretend her life was as put-together as she made it out to be. 

Because for once, someone had finally made her feel like she is worthy enough to stay for, to care for, and maybe to love. And that was terrifying because all anyone in her life had ever done is let her down and leave – Sam, her mom, her dad, Amber. So she kept you on a tight leash; taking control and leading. Never letting you close enough to see how she really feels about you. But there are cracks in the unsturdy walls she tries to put up, she’s not perfect. How can she resist you when you still willingly chased after her regardless of what she’s put you through – and how even through her harshness, you never lose your gentleness with her.

You create real balance and peace within her (not the fake one, she’s desperately fronting) and to someone who’s only known chaos and instability – that’s terrifying. So sue her, for being a little scared.

So, yes. 

Right now, Tara is ignoring everything around her because that realization is too big a burden to deal with.

She has her legs pulled up to her chest, the fuzzy blanket you gifted months ago, wrapped around her shoulders as she watches the TV from the couch; not really paying attention to the film. Her eyes begin to burn the longer she stares at the blue-lit screen causing a painful sting to her pupils. 

A terse knock on the front door startles her making her blink at the sound. 

Everyone was out for the night; Sam at therapy, Quinn at a hookup’s house and her other friends, all off doing their own thing. She wasn’t sure who could be at the door at this time. Cautiously, she stands to silently walk to the door – the pads of her naked feet connecting to the wooden floor litter goosebumps on her skin. Standing on the tips of her toes, Tara looks through the peephole.

She sees you shifting on your feet, glancing over your shoulder – looking unsure if you should even be there. 

Tara feels a pit forming in her stomach, but moves swiftly to unlock the door, opening it. 

“Hey.” She says softly, palm wrapped tight on the doorknob in an attempt to ground herself.

“Hi.” You rub a hand on the back of your neck.

“What–what are you doing here?” Tara sees you flinch, mistaking her tone for malice but you’re answering before she can correct herself.

“Mindy said you needed my help.” You drawl as if confused. 

Tara shares your confusion, brows drawing together. “I… don’t need help?”

You shake your head, clenching your jaw tight, “God dammit… I think she set us up.” 

“Oh.”

Rolling your eyes, “Yeah, oh. Look, that’s my bad, I’ll deal with her. You can go back to… doing whatever you were doing.” 

Tara sees you eye her attire glumly; an oversized shirt that covered her bare legs; assuming the worst. Her eyes immediately widened like saucers, grabbing your arm before you could leave. 

“No! That–that’s not–I’m home. Alone.” She clarifies. The word ‘alone’ taking a special raised and rushed tone. 

You scoff, pulling away from her, “good for you.”

“Can we talk?” Tara calls out, she can’t let you leave yet – despite her previous decision to ignore you and ignore her feelings. The longer you stood across from her, the more she realized just how much she’s missed you these last few weeks.

“No.” You continue to walk down the hall.

Tara grows desperate, running after you and grabbing your arm again to stop you from leaving. The concrete floors were rough on the soles of her feet. “Y/N, please.”

You turn, ready to yank your arm away from her grip but her watery eyes halt you; sympathy bubbling lowly in your chest and you curse inwardly at how easy it was for her to lure you back in. 

“Can y’all shut the fuck up? Some people are trying to get some sleep!” A voice interrupted, it was her neighbour, peeking his head a couple of doors down to yell at you two. He pops his whole body out when he sees Tara’s revealing figure, shooting her a lewd smile through his cigarette-tainted teeth,  “Oh hey, there.”

Tara feels you turn in her hold as your face drops – jaw clenching as you glare at her sleazy neighbour (who was at least in his late 40s judging by his greying hair) “Go back inside unless you wanna get fucked up and stop looking at her.” 

He stares back for a few seconds, debating if the challenge was worth his time. You move her behind you with a tug of an arm; blocking his view of her. Tara knows it's the wrong time but she couldn’t help but move closer; inhaling your familiar perfume. “Man, you’re not even worth my time.”

You wait until he shuts the door before facing her again, muttering under your breath. “Creepy motherfucker.” 

“Go back inside before anyone else comes out here begging for a show.” You tell her, lightly pushing her back to her door. But her hold on your arm tightens, “Not until you come inside and talk to me.”

You sigh, looking around the hallway in an attempt to buy yourself some time before you eventually gave in – tugging her inside the apartment.

Only once you were both inside did you pull away from her grip; Tara’s arm falling limply by her side. You look at her expectantly, “Well?”

Tara remains unmoving and silent, She curls into herself, leaning against the back of the couch just staring at you

You grow annoyed at her silence, running a hand on your face, “Tara you begged me to talk…” 

Still nothing from the Carpenter; she isn’t sure why she can’t say anything now that you’re standing in front of her. Maybe it was because she wasn’t ready to confront you and her feelings but as you stood there, about to leave, she knew she couldn’t let that happen. She wasn’t sure when she would see you again, this was the closest you’d been around her in the last few weeks. 

At this point, she was acting on pure impulse and heightened emotions.

“Unbelievable…” You mutter, grabbing the doorknob. She can feel practically feel the sharp snap in your patience as you try to leave, again.

“I don’t get you.” 

That stops you in your tracks, making you turn looking confused. 

“What?”

Tara begins to shake her head.

“I mean, I don’t get you… Like, why are you still here? Jesus, Y/N, you’ve been ignoring me but you still came here cause you thought I needed help. Even after all the petty shit I’ve been doing with those guys to fuck with you and after the party” She grabs at her hair; roughly tugging on it. “And even after all that, you still chase after me. Why!”

“Because I love you.” 

Tara inhales a sharp breath at your admission and how carelessly easily you said those words. Your brows furrowed like you looked genuinely confused by her question, it has Tara scoffing in disbelief. Unsure how you can still give her genuineness even after everything she’s done, she doesn’t deserve it.

“No, you don’t, you can’t. We’re just hooking up, it was just sex.” She denies, but a fog of tears is beginning to cloud her eyes. Even through the haze, she can see you approaching closer, holding a cautious hand out. 

“Maybe I am just a hook-up to you… but I didn’t just catch feelings for you. I’m not just falling in love with you, I already fell Tara. More like, I dove head-first without a life jacket,” You take the moment to chuckle dryly.

“And yeah, that wasn’t part of the plan but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself I didn’t tell you that there’s someone that wants to wake up and fall asleep beside you every day. Someone that wants to show you that maybe this time you don’t have to be so afraid to let someone in.” You shake your head, looking down for a brief moment of insecurity but you regain the passion in your eyes as you connect gazes.

“So, look me in the eyes and tell me that I’m just a hookup, and if you do. I’ll leave you alone – for good.” She desperately blinked away the tears as she attempts to meet your eyes to tell you that you are just a hookup, it is just sex, she doesn’t love you too. But when she meets your eyes, she sees tenderness again and suddenly her knees are buckling under her.

Her body doesn’t meet the ground like she expects it to. Instead, you grabbed her, wrapping a firm arm around her waist as you held her weight up. She can hear distant mutterings of comfort being whispered in her ear but nothing registers as she realizes that she’s starting to sob uncontrollably. 

“Baby…need you to breathe… ‘gonna make yourself sick.” 

She couldn't hear anything around her until her face is being pressed into soft fabric; clawing at it, in a desperate attempt to self-soothe. She’s having a panic attack. 

“Tara… Please, baby, you have to breathe–” You beg but Tara can’t hear you properly.

Nothing works until she feels you wrap her in a firm hug, still leaving her enough space so as to not feel suffocated. One arm around her waist, the other hand wrapped around her neck, as you rub soothing lines on her clammy skin. 

A few moments of silence pass until Tara feel the pressure in her chest ease as the ringing in her ears subsides. She gasps for air against your chest, coughing as a burning ache in her throat develops. The rubbing of lines on her neck turns into firm pats on the back as Tara continues to cough through her tears.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You shush her. Eventually, her coughs turn into occasional sniffles and deep breaths as you run fingers back up her hair comfortingly; giving her all patience she required.

“I’m sorry,” Tara says once she pulls her head off your chest, keeping a tight grip on your clothes.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Your eyes softened as you ran the pads of your thumbs to wipe away at her tear-stained cheeks.

She shakes her head in your grip, “Yes, I do. Even now, you’re still treating me so well. I don’t deserve it.” Her voice turns into a broken whisper as she finally allows herself to be vulnerable.

“Oh Tara,” You said so tenderly, “You deserve the world, baby. You’re amazing.”

“No, I’m not,” She shakes her head, beginning to pull away from you, not wanting to hear your words and how genuinely you believed it. 

You tightened your grip around her waist, preventing her from moving. “Yes, you are, if only you can see yourself the way I see you. Oh, Tara, you don’t even realize it. You amaze me, you make me want to be a better person, that’s what you do to me, that’s what you make me feel. Not the other stuff you’re saying.”

Shaking your head, passion raging in your eyes; eye contact with the smaller girl unwavering, “The way you care for everyone around you, and how you carry yourself despite everything you’ve gone through… Baby, it’s amazing to watch you be yourself. I know, I know… After Amber, it’s hard–” That makes Tara’s eyes widen, unaware you knew about her and her late friend. 

“–to trust people but, if you just gave me a chance and spared me an ounce of trust to let yourself fall… I promise I’ll be under there waiting with a safety net.” 

Tara examines your eyes, there was no ounce of dishonesty in them. But that’s to be expected, you’ve always been genuine with her, always up-front, and calling her out on her shit – with love. It was one of the things that made her fall for you. Where everyone around her treats her like she’s a porcelain doll, letting her get away with whatever she wanted – you stopped her, but always in a way that was more so loving and protective rather than overbearing and smothering.

The thudding in her chest begs for reprieve as her heart craves to be moulded with yours. Her heart wants to know what it was like to beat in tandem with you, to finally allow herself to be caught instead of trying (and failing) to hold herself up all the time. 

As Tara’s body caves in on herself, she pulls you down by the neck, unable to hide the content sigh that leaves her lips when your mouths meet in the middle. The kiss was sweet, passionate and firm; it poured out all love that words could never capture; where the tool of language proved to be invaluable in expressing her feelings. 

“I trust you…” Tara whispers when she pulls away, unable to school the smile breaking across her lips. You giggle, making her smile wider. For once the heaviness in Tara's chest feels bearable with you in her arms. 

No other words were exchanged as you two attempted to meet again for a kiss only to bump noses and miss because you two were beaming so wide.

●●●

happy reading!

:)

[ayselluna]

Ascendant Astarion Recommendations!

I'm a fan of both Spawn and Ascendant Astarion so I do enjoy reading both. But if you want to explore and read some good shit~ Ascendant fics well here you go~

I've read a lot so bear with me, These are my TOPS~ I LOVE ALL OF THESE:

A Gift, A Curse by @elemit - This updates daily most of the time, the author is getting busy IRL but it should be back on a daily update again soon I think. This is one of the darker theme of Ascendant Astarion "50 shades of 'FCKNG LITTLE TWAT' Ancunin" as one of the comment says haha some scenes are "traumatic" but the rollercoaster ride of emotions you'll get on this story is one for the books! ONGOING!

Fangs and Fractured Hearts - by @fangsandfracturedhearts - This one's one of the softer sides of the Ascendant, the dynamic of Tav and Astarion here is exquisite! The cliffhanger on this one just uggghhhhh. i love it!! ONGOING!

Hellish Rebuke by @bluedaze - this one's a classic! the details on this story is so genius I swear. Also I think a lot of Astarion fanfic writers got inspired with the Devil's dealing here. Also Tav here is effing smart and just chef's kiss! such a great heroine! ONGOING!

His Star - His Queen [Originally titled Across Stars and Time] by ARandomIntrovert - Now this a bit different, What if multiverse exists? Now there's two Astarions fighting over you, Spawn VS Ascendant, where do you think this would go? :)) Story's definitely amazing and unique! I easily got invested. haha ONGOING!

In Another Life by @locallegume - Definitely a softer side of the Ascendant but Tav and Astarion's dynamic here is one of my fave! <3 Tav here is not the overly good role model we usually read, she's troubled too and definitely has effed up issues. but sometimes you just need to find your own freak and be together forever. ONGOING!

Pieces Still Stuck In Your Teeth - by @howlsmovinglibrary / @wetcatspellcaster - The amount of Banter and D&D Lore on this one is superb! you have to watch out for the writer's notes! I love how I get to learn more D&D stuff and godssss how many times I almost got so swayed by the Ascendant here! good thing Tav's so good at bantering haha ONGOING!

Whither is thy beloved gone? by @brabblesblog - It has a sequel!!! - that's how good it is! <3 also The Ascendant here is my favorite! The confrontations are just so real and so true I caaaaan't. He wrote the Ascendant so good I actually sided with him more than Tav! A lot of smut ngl but I got into the characters more that I should have. you're missing out if you haven't read this. COMPLETED!

Remember ye not the former things by @brabblesblog - THE SEQUEL!! It focuses more on the aftermath and them working out their relationship, a lot more TAV bg story but gods, Astarion here , I just want to smother him with cuddles and kisses, TAKE MEEEEE ONGOING!

Most of these are still ongoing but I am updated w/ each, along with other Spawn Astarion fics :)) They are all good! some more soft than the others, some darker and evil :))

Let me know if you guys want to get some Spawn Astarion fics recommendations!

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

the babbit masterpost

HELLO welcome to the Babbit's Blog masterpost!!! On this post you'll find some fun facts about yours allegedly (me <33), some ref's for my different 'sona's, and a couple links to my fics and whatnot! Are you ready? No?? Excellent neither am i let's do this

Meet the Babbits!: the self-inserts/personas

the first ref is for my general/most commonly used persona, Babbit! They aren't really an anthro/furry as much as they are a humanoid with the head of a rabbit. I like to think of this one as the 'me' that's in my head- the purest form of my thoughts and feelings, but not the solid real-life me. The second ref is my self-insert persona, Rabbit, the one i picture using most often when i'm reading a fic or imagining a self-insert scenario lol. This one is like the me that people see and meet and speak to in real actual life, if that makes sense. It's the way I come across to people and all of the things I wish I could iron out of my crumpled up real-self <3 The third is a much more specific 'sona, Hazel, who started off as a FNaF:SB animatronic self-insert. She does have a backstory and lore now, which i think makes her more of an OC than a self-insert, but a lot of her is still me and a lot of what she experiences in her backstory is from my life/instills the same feelings that were taken away from things that happened to me, so I think she kinda counts enough to put a ref for her here sdkjfsdhfj (Why the different names?: makes things a little easier, and they hold meaning to me symbolically, I guess!)

Content!: Here's a short list of my various fics that will get updated as I create more! (it was, in reality, not fine.): FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader fanfic, gender neutral, for general audiences, fluff-fest, idiots to lovers "You're the new tech/repairman at the Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex, unfortunately. Your first task? To make the Daycare Attendant into two separate animatronics. It's an amazing opportunity, really, and there is nothing you love more than getting a chance to really work with such tech! The only bad part is that you don't know how to tell anyone that you just might be in over your head. (You are extremely in over your head.)" After Everything Was Fixed (but you were still broken): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x (Animatronic) Reader, gender neutral, read with caution, angst, harm to sentient robots, traumatized main character, hurt/comfort slow burn, romance slow burn "The virus was gone. Everyone was fixed. You had been put back together. It's a time for a new beginning, to do things right this time, to wash away the past and paint a better future. Their memories of the infection had- mercifully- been taken away from them. Yours had not. He doesn't understand why you try to avoid him. Even if you could tell him, you're not sure you would. You want to be his friend, but it's difficult; every time you see him, you remember the hundreds of times he killed you." A fic where you are a repairman-themed STAFFbot, taking place post-virus. In the past, Moon, infected by the virus, took delight in attacking and dismantling the reader during the night. Now, in the present, you find yourself burdened by the memories of the past while everyone around you has no recollection of the events. It gets more complicated as Sun and Moon, both now cleared of the virus, grow curious of you. This fic will follow a series of arcs, presently on arc one. For anyone curious, feel free to send an ask about the arcs in 'After Everything Was Fixed'! The Sun, the Moon, and the Blazing Comet (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon/Eclipse x Reader, gender neutral, teen and up audiences, travel/journey, betrayal, hurt/comfort slowburn, reconciling, themes of breaking the mold, found family (TBA) Hold My Broken Hands (title subject to change): AU FNaF Sun/Moon x Reader, gender neutral, mature audiences, dark romance, dark comedy, severe bodily harm, mutilation, murder, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, lovesick (TBA)

My AU's!: i'm going to make a Babbit-AUs-Masterpost and then put the link here i swear, i just have so many im sorry jdfhsjdfhs (like more than twenty)

Fandoms!: I enjoy, have been in, made or make content for: Pokemon Undertale FNaF Creepypasta (YEAH I KNOW LET ME LIVE OKAY) My Little Pony (I KNOW OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE) Steven Universe Star Trek Warrior Cats i'm sure theres more but i just forgot everything i have ever liked wheeeeeze

Whomst the hell?: HI I'm Rabbit! Or Bones! Or Babbit! Or Avarice/Ava, if you want to go for a more legitimate-sounding name. I'm 24 years old, prefer to use they/them pronouns, and so, so incredibly ace. I've been drawing as long as I've had the ability to hold a pen, writing since I was in grade school, and being a plague to the ones around me since the beginning of time! If you've seen my art, its probably from the absolute mountain of fluffy-wuffy love-dovey (y/n) x Sundrop/Moondrop/Eclipse doodles I've been sharing for several years now sdfjhsdj. If you've heard of my fics, it was probably the one I made just for fun that's now turned into an actual fanfiction that I enjoy writing, the silly-lovey-fluff incarnate (it was, in reality, not fine.) !

Likes n Dislikes!: I'm a sucker for sap, fluff, and lots and lots of love-dovey bullshit! I also like stories about finding oneself and monsters being befriended or loved. I like space, aliens, robots, the odd and strange, injecting humanity into things not human, monsters, creatures, animals, the fae, concepts of spirits and karma and the afterlife, and more! I dislike 'fanservice', most anime tbh LOL it's not personal I just don't enjoy it im srry, FLY BABIES i know they have an actual name but i hate that word too pls just dont i will scream, sexually aggressive/forceful content/characters, being made to feel small, dumb, or trapped,

Other!: I have a pretty high gross-out tolerance! I also have a pretty high 'wow that's messed up huh' tolerance, in that sometimes I will just say stuff that's super grim or dark or messed up and not realize it lmao. I am full of random facts and anecdotes, especially weird or gross ones! sometimes i get on tangents that can go for actual hours so pls forgive that lol

WARNINGS: THIS BLOG MAY FEATURE CONTENT BASED ON/RELATED TO THEMES OF GUILT, CHILDHOOD LOSS, GRIEF, SELF HATRED, DISCONNECTION FROM REALITY/SELF, TRAUMA, AND SEVERE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY. YES I AM GETTING HELP. YES I AM OKAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

bonus persona: crybaby

[drchucktingle]

DECONSTRUCTING DAMASCUS #1

hello buckaroos chuck tingle here to talk on my book camp damascus. i am very ADVERSE to spoilers and even though i LOVE discussing art i never want to discuss a book too soon, gotta give buckaroos a chance to read. i have been trying to find a balance of WHEN and HOW to have these talks because there is a lot to discover in camp damascus, and i finally think i have found safe way to do this.

i am going to write some posts talkin about various subjects relating to camp damascus themes and symbols and ideas. i will title these posts DECONSTRUCTING DAMASCUS and give them all the hashtag: "deconstructing damascus". if you do not want to be tempted you can go into your tumblr settings and MUTE hashtag "deconstructing damascus" until you are ready to come back and trot in this way.

i am also going to put all spoiler content below a READ MORE line so that buckaroos will not stumble upon it. you must click below to open these words up.

(EDIT: PART 2 IS HERE)

(EDIT: PART 3 IS HERE)

(EDIT: PART 4 IS HERE)

alright buckaroos lets trot. WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW

DECONSTRUCTING DAMASCUS #1: NEVERLAND

camp damascus is about SEVERAL things thematically, but i think in BROAD STROKES you can narrow this story down to two ideas. the first is about control through infantilizing victims of religious or conservative organizations, keeping them 'young and naive' forever, and the second theme is about taking a story and using the same text to pull out whatever viewpoint you want. in other words, there are MANY readings within a story and us readers see whatever story we want.

i will dive deeper into these topics in later DECONSTRUCTING DAMASCUS talks, but both of these concepts relate in some way to THIS discussion, which is the story of peter pan and neverland

camp damascus is about text having many interpretations, and so as a sort of META ART PIECE i wanted camp damascus to have many interpretations. i did this by creating thematic layers on top of each other in the SAME STORY, like a cake. in the case of camp damascus we have BIBLICAL LAYER, FAIRYTALE LAYER, and LITERAL LAYER.

today we are going to talk about the fairytale layer.

peter pan is the story of wendy darling, who is whisked away to a magical place known as NEVER NEVER LAND by peter pan, who is an eternally young boy. nobody ever grows up in never never land. in camp damascus we have rose darling, who is a resident of neverton, a small town in montana where all of to children are kept young and naive to their own true adult nature for as long possible. this is done in many ways, for instance all of the KINGDOM OF THE PINE kids act and talk like teenagers when they are technically adults (rose is 20). they are all still in high school due to intervention of the church. the practice of oppressing someones natural sexuality and growth into adulthood a way of keeping them young and 'innocent'. the KINGDOM KIDS are perpetually stuck between childhood and adulthood. when you are reading the book, there should be something about this age and behavior discrepancy that feels a little strange.

to capture this effect i also tried to create a book that was both categorically YA (young adult) and adult horror. there are topics and conversations and situations that should feel like you are reading a 'younger book', then moments of violence and layers of complex themes that feel like an adult book. it should straddle this line in an uncomfortable way.

now to the story itself. camp damascus is NOT a retelling of peter pan in any way. the plots are not the same at all. however it uses peter pan as a literary allusion in order to discuss the themes listed above. these references are to reinforce the idea of keeping buckaroos young and under the churches control by any means necessary.

many do not realize that the original peter pan character was quite a bit more sinister than the cartoon version. here is a quote from the original text about HOW neverland worked to keep the lost boys young:

“The boys on the island vary, of course, in numbers, according as they get killed and so on; and when they seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Peter thins them out; but at this time there were six of them, counting the twins as two.”

yes CAPTAIN HOOK is the big villain, but peter pan himself is just as brutal. this is where we get PASTOR PETE BEND, the current head of camp damascus. in his own way he is HIP AND COOL AND ETERNALLY YOUTHFUL just like peter pan, but he also falls into the roll of a ruthless captain who will do whatever it takes. to pull apart his name we have pete, as in peter, and bend. what is another word for bend? hook.

kingdom of the pine members wear a red band round their left wrist, which is where the hand of their prophet as severed. you can also note that when pete bend he uses a weapon he uses his left hand, which is pretty notable for someone who is right handed. consider where a certain captains weapon is permanently affixed.

also working for kingdom of the pine and camp damascus, under the direct orders of pete bend, is DR. SMITH. dr smith is a jolly henchmen with a white beard and glasses. despite his drab office he sits in a blue and white striped chair. i should also point out that a version of the name smee is smeeth. just SAYIN.

WILLOW is another interesting one. after her time at camp damascus she gets into photography. she turns to NATURE and TRUTH and as she takes these photos her finger is steady and rhythmic like a clock. click. click. click. click. click. could these photos eventually be the downfall of pete bend?

when we see willow early on she is drinking for a coffee mug with a certain reptile on it. her last name is crogall, which translates to the name of a specific animal in scottish gaelic. rose also goes to meet willow where she lives, one town over from neverton in a little village named lebka rock. i will let the buckaroos figure out what that means.

there is actually much more than this (who is saul for instance?) but i think i have said all that buds need to know to enjoy this layer.

thank you for reading. FEEL FREE TO REBLOG but try not to put spoilers in the tags. i will talk on OTHER aspects of CAMP DAMASCUS soon and i hope this has inspired you to look at the text in a brand new way. LOVE IS REAL

[pensbridge]

Master Post Bridgerton Live Event Season 3

Let me just say so much of what they said leans into exactly how I pictured it.

○ Some words to describe the season: Shonda-"intimate" / Jess B-"confidence" / Luke Newts-"unexpected" / Nicola-"romantic" / Luke Thom-"zoom in"

○ They talk about Colin's words last season and say it was a good place to start in the story/journey; confirm apology will come

○ Pen has 1 main suitor besides Colin who takes a real interest in her (Spoiler: it's Lord Debling)

○ Julia Quinn said it is a good friends to lovers story. She sounded so excited!

○ Someone (either Shonda, Julia or Jess) said they have some good awkward banter.

○ Julia Quinn really confirmed the Colin-Pen hand scene (1st real emotional and physically intimate scene for them)

○ How Jess B talks about Colin (again) gives me hope for his personal journey-mentioned about the 3rd son "not knowing his place in the world" & more

○ Protective El of Colin confirmed (we get El and Colin scenes), but she still loves Pen; Luke N. called it a non-romantic love triangle between the 3

○ Benedict takes roles of Anthony; he can fall into different roles very well, but who is he and what does he want?

○ Will and Alice acquire a new title this season; Martins talked about how they are "drawn out of the shadows"

○ Adjoa talked about how Lord Ledger affected her; called that romance "life-changing"; QCABS enriched Lady Danbury story coming into season 3

○ Lady D. personal journey-she's "shook" at an arrival that happens 👀

○ Golda-How do you do private intimacy in the view of the public (George and QC)? / she loves the Brimsley relationship

○ When talking about QC picking the diamond of the season said she's bored of what's going on and is "searching for something different"

○ [Other tidbit-they're hosting a Bridgerton wedding for a lucky real-life couple.]

○ Shonda quote about Bridgerton always "finding a way to give female characters agency" and Pen has a good way of coming into this in this season

○ Nicola-"so much happens" in their story

○ They talked about how the show has changed their lives-Claudia said she always walks away proud of what she's done and essentially there's not one part of the job she's unsatisfied with. aww; Adjoa said "a space for everyone"

○ Season 3 is "for the wallflowers"- Adjoa [they mentioned this a lot; the interaction on this between Adjoa and Nicola just made it seem like there is Lady Danbury-Pen relationship]

○ Nic and Newts recreated the pic in the mirror with candle stick!! what?! / They also watch fan edits and send them to each other

○ Easter egg in almost every episode according to Jess B. and they are "raising the bar on visuals"- "even brighter and more spectacular than ever"

○ Superlatives: most like character-Luke Newton; least-Golda; most bloopers-Johnny Bailey or Claudia (and I think she was offended at first, lol)

○ Chaos in Featherington fam because Pen steps out (Portia doesn't like when Pen changes from her citrus dresses)

○ Nicola "didn't expect to be as emotional as it was" from the first 2 episode screening

○ Adjoa said things will make you laugh then quickly after cry

○ Claudia said people make mistakes and people fall..., etc.

○ Theme: "Find your light." -Jess B.

○ The line in QCABS "We are untold stories" is what this season is about

[pandorasprongs]

JAMIE TARTT | and i don't even like you that much. wait, i do. f*ck.

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.8k

SUMMARY: jamie is actually a board game nerd and starts spending more time with one of the employees of a local shop.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: this idea came to me as someone asked me if i wanted to buy another volume of a board game we had HAHA if you can figure out what game i'm referring to in this story, hmu! alsooo i want to apologize for the length i swear i didn't mean for it to get that long, but still, i hope you all enjoy! title is from the song 'apple cider' by beabadoobee!

It was another slow morning in the store, given that most of your frequent customers were forced to be in school at this time. You ended up continuing one of the readings for your class during your shift. Despite a wave of drowsiness hitting you the moment you opened the book, it was still better having free time to be tired than the afternoon rush when 13-year-old boys came in to get another booster pack of Magic: The Gathering cards.

You were practically setting all these children up for a gambling addiction the way they'd spend 20 pounds trying to get one of those shiny ones in their deck. You never bothered to learn the names really, because that wasn't part of your job description. When it came to those kinds of things, those boys probably knew more than you did.

When it came to board games though, that was your area of expertise. It was partly one of the reasons you applied to work here while you were finishing up your Master's, — and also because of how generous the owner was with your salary, — so you always loved helping people out for their board game nights. You didn't have regulars that would come in often, but here and there, there would be a person you recognize from before asking about another game.

You don't know how much time had passed, but after deciding that your brain could no longer take reading the word cognitive multiple times in a sentence, you end up shutting the book and resting your head on the counter.

Soon after though, you hear the bell at the top of the door ring, causing you to jolt up. You only catch a glimpse of the guy walking towards you before he drops his head, his cap completely blocking his face, and a loose black hoodie covering his frame.

For a second, you get worried that the store was about to get robbed but the man finally stops in front of you and speaks, in a thick Mancunian accent. "Do you have any suggestions for board games? Like for family and stuff,"

You swear you've heard his voice before. Maybe from school? Or a former customer? You decide to shake it off before replying. "Well, this is a board game store, so there's quite a lot to pick from. Do you have any specific theme in mind? How many players?"

"There'll be 3 of us, but I'm not really picky with the game. Not any of those monopoly type shit though, cause I'm sick of never winning."

You chuckle at the revelation and that's what gets the man to look up at you. It definitely wasn't his appearance he was worried about. His chiseled jaw and striking blue eyes almost draw you in, not to mention his hairstyle looks eerily like the one David Beckham had in the 90s, who you had to admit was a crush of yours as a kid. He could even pass as a contestant on one of those dating reality shows.

And then it hits you where you've heard his voice before. This guy was on Lust Conquers All and was immediately voted off. You remember it well because your sister was so pissed at him for joining the show since the football season had just started. Jamie something, but the show never mentioned his last name. You try to hide your realization by turning to the shelf behind you.

"Alright uh, I’d recommend this one." You turn back around and slide it across the counter as Jamie (?) starts looking at the box from all angles.

"Looks cool," is all he says in reply and he looks back at you, presumably for you to explain the game. You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear before going on your usual introduction to the game.

"Basically in the game, there are 4 characters you can choose to be your 'heroes.' Your main objective is to get your opponent's health to 0 using the different cards in your set. All the characters have different decks and skills you can use throughout the game, and some of them even have side kicks." You look back up for a second to see his expression and you can tell that you're still holding his interest.

"So for example in the one I gave you, you can battle Sinbad, Medusa, King Arthur, and Alice, who's fucking amazing, by the way."

"Alice? From fucking Wonderland?" You laugh at his surprise before nodding to affirm it. "She's your favorite then?"

"How'd you know?" You ask sarcastically. "But yeah, she's just really versatile and it's just really fun to shrink and grow every turn just to piss off the other players. I'm practically unbeatable using her." You admit though you're not really sure why.

Most of the time when customers come in here for a game, they don't ask questions and just buy the first one you suggest. That’s probably why you answered Jamie's question so earnestly. Cause he's the first one to ever ask you what you liked about the game.

You quickly run through the rest of the rules and mechanics of the game with Jamie chiming in occasionally. You describe the other editions as well and Jamie is tempted to buy the other one — "How is anyone supposed to beat fucking Dracula?" — before he ultimately decides to take home the one you offered.

"If I end up losing using Alice, you owe me a refund." He states as you ring up the game. You playfully roll your eyes as you scan the barcode on the box.

"Oh yeah, since you're the first customer of the day, you get a 7% discount on your purchase," you quickly inform him when you glance at the post-it note on the register screen reminding you about it in bold letters.

Instead of the usual gratefulness or blip of happiness from hearing that news, Jamie instead asks, "Is that really a thing or are you doing it because you know who I am?"

You look at him to check if he's serious and given his blank look, you assume he is. You don't know how to respond to that, so instead you just slowly shake your head.

"Wait, do you not know who I am?" His question itself comes off as arrogant, but given the genuine surprise in your voice, you're not sure how to feel about the guy after he says it.

You decide to answer him honestly. "I do, but given that you walked in here in clothes that make you look like a stalker who's about to rob the place, I didn't think you'd want me to make a big fuss about it, Jamie."

His shoulders seem to relax at your statement and once he goes quiet, he finally pulls out his wallet. You quickly place the game in a paper bag and hand it over to him.

He whispers a quick thanks and turns to leave, before pausing. He turns back to you, "Look, it's not like I'm dressed this way because I'm embarrassed to be in a store like this—"

"I didn't think you were," you answer blankly with a hint of sarcasm. You decide to mess with the guy a little bit because hey, when's the next time a famous footballer comes into your store again? "Why, is there something I should be embarrassed about?"

Jamie quickly shakes his head. "No, fuck no! I think it's cool, really. You know, being surrounded by all these games and cards and knowing so much about them. Especially someone like you,"

You tilt your head in amusement. "What do you mean someone like me?" Jamie's embarrassment only seems to deepen at that.

"Fuck I didn't mean it like that. Honestly, when I came in here, I was expecting some teenage boy to be at the counter. Wait no— I mean, girls can like all this stuff too! I just didn't expect someone attr—," he stops himself and shakes his head. "Shit, wait,"

You watch Jamie scramble for words and you decide to just put an end to his misery. "Look, look, I was just joking around. I don't give that much of a shit about what you said." The football player visibly relaxes and you hold in a laugh at that reaction. "And you're basically right about the kind of people who work here. Most of my co-workers can't work these hours right now 'cause they're off studying for their A-Levels."

"Yeah, well thank you for this," Jamie lifts the bag slightly and you give him a genuine smile.

"No problem. Hope you enjoy the game! And if you ever feel compelled to dress like a shitty robber again, you can come back and tell me what you think." Your sarcasm no longer throws Jamie off who instead, just playfully rolls his eyes and leaves the store.

You go back to your reading for your behavioral science class, putting your interaction with the football player in the back of your mind.

—

The next time you see Jamie is two weeks later, although this time, he comes in right before closing. Technically, you weren't the only one assigned for this shift, but you decided to let your co-worker go home early since he said he had an English exam the next day and still hadn't studied.

So, you were counting down the minutes to 8 pm when you hear someone come inside. Fucking hell. You force a smile, "Hi, welcome! We'll be closing in a few minutes, but please approach me if you need anything so you can have a speedier process."

"Are you really that desperate to get rid of me?" The person moves away from the shelves and turns out to be Jamie Tartt, you learn his last name is. He's wearing another grey hoodie but seems to have decided to ditch his hat. Good, because you weren't sure how much longer you could stare at the ICON written on it and not judge him. "I wanna know, did you think offering to help the customer would get them out of here quicker?"

"I had to try something," you defend yourself, shrugging. You notice Jamie carrying the bag you used to wrap the board game and slightly frown. "Didn't like the game?"

He follows your eyes and is quick to correct you. "I loved it, actually. First time playing a board game that Simon didn't win during the first round." You aren't sure who Simon is, but you laugh nonetheless. "And you're right, Alice is fucking unbeatable."

"I'm glad you liked it, and Alice," you start, but then glance at the time on your phone. "But, is that the only reason you came here?"

"Well no, I was wondering if you wanted to play. That's why I came so late, in case there would be too many people if I came at the usual time."

"Yeah, there was a fuck ton, actually, as you can tell from the fully stocked store." You say, pretending to look around the room. "But sure, if you want. I don't have anything going on tomorrow anyway," Now you're really glad that you didn't procrastinate that paper due tonight.

Jamie smiles as he starts to unbox the set and you grab one of the chairs behind the counter and push it to the other side for the footballer.

Never did you imagine you would spend a Saturday night with a hot football player playing one of your favorite board games, but here you were. In between one of the rounds, the topic of football is brought up and you admit that you don't know all that much about it despite your family being made up of fanatics.

"Everyone has their team they support. My dad loves Arsenal, my mum loves Chelsea, and my sister bounces between West Ham and Crystal Palace. Though, she fucking hates Rupert Mannion, so maybe this is the end of her West Ham support." You answer as you shuffle Jamie's deck.

"Shit, the season must be fun for you guys," Jamie remarks and you snort, though instantly regretting letting that sound out. The football player looks unfazed, so you decide not to apologize for it and answer his question instead.

"Yeah, I basically end up being their messenger till the finals, which ends up becoming World War 3 if their teams are competing," you hand him his deck back and start the round, but your conversation doesn't end there.

"What team would you support then, if you got into football?" He looks hopefully at you.

"Yours, probably." You confirm as you look through your first hand of cards. "I mean, I'm about to destroy one of their players at this game. It's the least I can do."

"We'll see about that," Jamie replies and you roll your eyes playfully, but you smile.

Working at the store meant you were surrounded by board game fans every day, but not even your regulars would come in here after your shift to play. You couldn't help but feel warm at how Jamie matched your enthusiasm about the game, something, you admit, you didn't expect from the player. You knew nothing would probably come from this harmless happy crush of yours, but if he decided to start coming in often to play, you wouldn't be opposed to it.

Your attention turns back to the game once Jamie picks his next move. He smirks at his decision until his expression suddenly shifts. "Wait, if you're not into football, how'd you know who I was the other day?"

You move your piece before looking directly into Jamie's eyes and respond, "I just really love trashy reality shows." Jamie playfully groans at the reminder and you burst into laughter before you continue the game.

True to form, whichever of the two of you uses Alice is the one to win that round. You finally decide on a tie-breaker with your favorite being banned from usage.

"Christ, if this is how you maneuver in a board game, I wonder how good you are at football." You tease, as you glance at his character being at only 4HP.

"I'm fucking amazing, actually. Ask your family, they'll tell you." Jamie moves a few spaces on the board, hoping to escape your Medusa, but instead, he falls into one of your traps.

You corner him and finally reduce his King Arthur's health. "And there you go, 3-2."

It takes Jamie a second to absorb everything before he slouches. "Fucking hell." You laugh before getting up from your chair and helping him keep all the pieces and cards.

"Better luck next time, Tartt."

Jamie, whose competitive side seems to be shining in this game, doesn't let it end there.

Almost every week, he would come into the store at night asking to play. He was definitely getting better, but after making a deal where the loser has to tell an embarrassing story after the round, you realize you know more about him than he probably does about you.

"God Jamie, how are you alive?" You ask as he shares a story from when he first started the league.

"How was I supposed to know doing multiple headers in one match could lead to a bloody concussion?" He retorts, only making your eyes widen even more.

"I'm pretty sure that's common knowledge to about 80% of the population," you say through your laughter.

It's almost 10 when you finish playing, so you grab your jacket and start heading to the door with Jamie. You lock the store up and notice that Jamie's still hanging around you.

It's dark outside, but it seems like his features were even more enhanced by the moonlight. The light hit his eyes just the right way that it made the blue more evident. You notice just then how his hair is neater today, mainly because of his sports headband. The front strands of his hair had fallen out it though, falling on his face in just the right way that it gave you butterflies. Did all footballers look this attractive?

You realize that you may have been starting a bit too long and as you tuck the keys in your jacket pocket, you decide to ask, "Need anything else?"

Jamie opens his mouth to say something, but instead, he just shakes his head. "Nothing actually, just good night," he waves and starts walking in the opposite direction, but you swear you hear him muttering something under his breath.

—

It had been a week since then and you had to start telling yourself to not be so excited when you hear the bell ring. Every time it did, you'd look expectantly at the door expecting to see Jamie again, asking for another or a new volume or even just game tips. Each time, you'd end up disappointed and would have to fake a smile to the customer approaching you.

This time you hear it ring, and you do your best to not look up. If it was Jamie, you knew that your boss George probably would be sounding an alarm. You only learned the Monday after that he was a major AFC Richmond fan when you mentioned that a football player had visited the store multiple times to play board games.

"Do you think we can get him to sign a picture and put it on the wall? Can you ask?" You quickly have to explain how those interactions were the only times you ever spoke to Jamie and had no actual way of contacting him.

As you close your laptop, — one more paragraph and that essay is done! — you look up to find two guys standing in front of you.

"Hi, do you have any board game recommendations?" the one on the right greeted, his accent quickly revealing him to be Welsh.

You don't have a chance to answer because the left one lightly elbows his friend before whispering (though loud enough for you to hear), "He already told us what to get, bruv."

You may not know who this 'he' is, but the guy pulls out his phone and shows you a picture of a board game, the same one you recommended to Jamie. Wishful thinking gets you to believe that they were friends of his and he liked it so much that he told them about it. And maybe about you, too.

You've never been so happy to be right.

You nod your head and as he kept his phone, you started pulling the same edition from the shelf behind you when you hear a screeching sound that almost made you drop the box.

"Oh my God, Colin Hughes, and Isaac McAdoo!" George exclaims and you wonder where you've heard those names before.

The owner joins you at the counter as you place the board game in front of you. Maybe you weren't pretending to be as peppy as you usually do, because George decides to ask, "How are you so calm? Do you know who these guys are? They're Colin Hughes and Isaac McAdoo!"

"I heard you the first time," you turn to the two guys once again, embarrassed on behalf of your boss.

"They're part of the starting team of AFC Richmond!" And that's when it clicks. On one of your all-nighters, you decided to take a break and search up Jamie Tartt just to see what you could find. You ended up at his club's website and saw the rest of the players as well. You didn't pay them much attention given that you were so focused on player number 9, but you saw enough pictures to recognize them, at least.

"So you guys do know Jamie," you think out loud and the two players turn to each other, before sharing looks of realization.

"Oh, you're the girl!" Colin exclaims and you can't help but feel butterflies in your stomach.

"Yeah, I guess so," you try and act as nonchalantly as possible, so neither of them picks up on anything. You turn back to the game and ask, "Is this the one you wanted?"

"Jamie said there were other versions?" Isaac asks and you nod your head to confirm it, which he smiles at. "We want the Sherlock one."

"Okay," you reach for that one on the shelf as George starts offering them discounts on the game.

When he almost offers to give it to them for free along with another set, you stop him by slamming the box on the counter. Why were you the one trying to keep his business alive? "Here it is, hope you enjoy it!"

You ring up their purchase, still trying to hold your boss back from scaring these footballers away before they can pay. You finally bag the whole thing and hand it to them. "Thank you!" you shout as they exit the store.

"Yeah, see you soon!" George says afterward and you look at him in confusion.

"What the fuck was that, George?" He only sighs, most likely the embarrassment only hitting him at that exact moment.

Once he goes back to doing inventory, you can't help but replay what Colin said. Oh, you're the girl! Why was such a simple phrase like that affecting you so much? For all you know, he might've mentioned you being a sore winner, which wouldn't be the first time you've been called that.

But you still hope he said good things about you and maybe even kept better things he thought to himself.

—

"Okay, time's up. Please pass your papers." You write one last word as you get up to give your exam to the proctor, sighing in relief that the semester is finally over.

You had asked for leave for the past few days and didn't have a shift until tomorrow, so you decide to treat yourself to some coffee and pasta for lunch at the campus cafe.

As you settle down at one of the tables, you get a phone call from George. He was more than happy to let you take the time off, so you wonder what emergency had to happen for him to contact you.

As soon as you pick up, George screams your name into the phone. You pull it away from your ear for a second, and respond, "What? What do you need?"

"Look, I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off, but you said that your test ended at 2:30, so I decided to hold off calling you till then. Anyway, someone came in a few days ago asking if we host board game nights."

"And we do," you answer for him as you chew your sandwich.

"Right, and then he said that he was from AFC Richmond." You flinch after imagining how your boss could've reacted at that revelation. "They wanted to hold it a few days ago," George pauses.

"Why didn't you say yes? You could've been game master."

"Yeah well, I wanted to, but they specifically asked for you to go." You put down your sandwich and straighten up. George continues, "I told them you were on leave, but they said they could wait till you were back at work. I said that your test was this morning and I would ask if you'd be willing to end your leave early."

"Okay, sure." You answer, a little faster than you intended. You couldn't believe that the team — and maybe even Jamie personally, — was willing to postpone their game night just so you would be the one to facilitate it.

The surprise was evident in George's voice. Normally, you would reject his idea the moment he mentioned board game nights, but something about this was different for you. "Oh okay, well, I'll send you the address. I'll be bringing the boards there since you don't have a car and I'll meet you there at 4 pm. It's a restaurant, so maybe you can get something to eat before 'cause shit can get crazy at those things and it's best to load up."

You don't know how a board game night could get crazy, but you decide not to comment on it. He sends you the details through text before you end the call and continues eating your sandwich. The place wasn't too far from campus, so you didn't have to rush to get there. But after 10 minutes, you consumed your sandwich and were out the door with your coffee in hand.

While walking, you decided to familiarize yourself more with the players trying to put names to face before you had to interact with all of them at once. You started to get the hang of it, — even looking at team photos and naming them one by one as a test — as you get to the venue at around half past 3.

You arrive at a restaurant called Ola's, and you remember seeing one of the Richmond players post about it. Your dad wanted to have dinner here once, but they were always fully booked so the four of you gave up trying to get a table there.

Because of that, you expected the place to be swamped with customers, but instead find an almost empty restaurant. You notice one guy standing in the middle of it and approach him.

"Hi," He turns around and you recognize him as Sam Obisanya, meaning he must be the owner. You introduce yourself quickly before asking, "Am I at the right place? I'm here to help host a board game tournament."

Sam's eyes widen as he seems to recognize you. "Oh yes, this is the place. Sorry, I didn't expect you to be so early. We already fixed up the tables, but I can also help in setting up the boards if you like."

"Ah no, it's alright. My boss is the one who’s bringing them. I came from my university, so I don't have any of them on me right now." You quickly explain and Sam nods as he leads you to one of the tables to relax, while he grabs some appetizers from the kitchen.

He makes his way back to the table, though he can't seem to stop looking at you. You subconsciously start fixing your hair, wondering if you should've gone to the bathroom before going in here.

He seems to pick up on this and is quick to reassure you, "Oh, I'm sorry for staring. It's just Jamie has mentioned you so many times, so it's nice to finally put a face to the name."

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of the football player. You grab some of the food he offered as you reply as calmly as you can, "Oh yeah, did he tell you how he is nowhere close to beating my number of wins?"

Sam lets out a short chuckle. "No, but I'm not surprised. He did say you're very good at it." You smile and decide to ask why they decided to do a board game night.

It takes a second before Sam replies, "Oh well, Coach always says to do team-building activities every once in a while, and seeing as Jamie has asked almost everyone on the team to play the game at least once, we thought it would be a good idea. I think Isaac and Colin got their own board too and they started bringing it to the clubhouse."

"Shit, I didn't realize that football players loved board games so much," you remarked as you hear the door to the restaurant open.

Both of you look up to see George, who is trying to carry 12 boxes of board game sets. You rush out of your seat to help him out and so does Sam. The sight of the player almost makes your boss drop all of them from his arms, but you quickly scoop four of them and Same takes another four.

"Sam Obisanya," George exhales, once some of the weight is literally lifted off him.

The player simply says, "Hello," and states that he'll start setting up the four boards on the tables near the back.

You snap your fingers to get George out of the trance and the two of your start setting up on the rest of your tables, dropping the character figurines at the bar table and putting the sign-up sheet next to it. Slowly, the restaurant starts filling up with players with George gradually losing his mind at the number of footballers from his favorite team.

You finally get him to leave, but only by promising to convince the team to take a picture with him when he came back to pick up the boards. You're pretty sure he's already making plans to put it on a canvas and hang it on his bed.

You settle yourself behind the bar table to be in charge of the players setting up, each time expecting it to be Jamie standing in front of you. You try and keep your focus on the task at hand every time you hear the boys greet someone new.

Isaac and Colin are the next to write their names and they give you a look that you can't quite decipher. Soon enough, Jamie finally gets here and you straighten up in your seat. He greets some of the players till his eyes land on you.

He approached the bench and once he looked up, he observed out loud. "You're here,”

"Aw, did you want to get rid of me that badly?" You mimic him before explaining that you finished your leave earlier, "just to see you, of course." — with some truth behind that statement. Jamie laughs — albeit, a little awkwardly, — and takes the clipboard. As he signs up, you decide to take the chance to tease him. "Heard you were talking about me to your teammates."

Jamie's eyes widen and he stops writing to shoot glares at the rest of AFC Richmond, not sure who told you. Jamie turns back to you and you laugh. "Don't worry, Tartt. I'm sure you just told them how I'm an absolute god at the game and you're glad I'm not playing tonight." The football player simply rolls his eyes as he joins his teammates.

Once the whole team is complete along with their kit-man Will, you decide to start the tournament. "Okay, hi everyone! Welcome to your board game night." The crowd cheers and you're startled by their enthusiasm. You quickly explain the rules of the night, — though they seem to already know most of it, — and the order of players. It's a draw lots method, so the players will be randomly given a character and an opponent.

Once everyone gets their characters and settles in, you start making rounds in case anyone had any questions. After a while, you start heading back to the bar when someone taps you on the shoulder. You find Jamie already done with his round.

"How'd you win that quickly?" You don't try to hide the surprise in your voice. "Even I take like 20 minutes minimum to win."

"Oh I didn't," Jamie clarifies, and you widen your eyes. "I just couldn't attack Dani. I mean, look at that face." You turn to their table and find Dani smiling at you — "This is fun!" — and waving using his Dracula figurine.

You laugh at his reasoning. "Alright then, guess you're done for the night." You walk back to the bar and Jamie stops on the opposite side of it.

"You hungry? Sam said there's prepped meals in the back and since none of the games are ending soon…" Jamie offers and you obliged, seeing as this might be the only time you might ever get to eat in this restaurant. He grabs two plates from there and settles down next to you. Surprisingly, he managed to grab one of your favorite dishes. You remember mentioning to him that you had tried it at another restaurant in the past and loved it, but you doubt he even remembers it and dubbed it a coincidence.

You decide to keep the topic off board games and instead let him talk about what he's doing since he last saw you. Turns out they had multiple back-to-back matches, so practice was tight and he didn't have time to visit you. He also said the next time he did, it was one of your teenage co-workers manning the counter.

"Oh, Chuck! Yeah, he's pretty shit at board games." You say blankly while you shove another spoonful of food into your mouth.

"I ended up just buying a card game and leaving." Jamie continues and you laugh.

"Sorry, you went all the way there for just that. I go to class on Wednesdays, so I don't have a shift then." The conversation then shifts to your degree and you explain that you plan on becoming a psychologist.

"There is another upside to getting that degree too," Jamie chimes in, and you tilt your head. "You can fuck with someone's head while playing."

"Okay, psychology isn't mind control." Though, you think about it for a second. "But it is pretty close. You’ll be my first victim.” You make your sound more ghostly in that last sentence and Jamie pretends to act terrified and faint.

There is a short silence between the two of you when you realize that most of the rounds are done. You start organizing the next round and once the games start, the other players start going around and rooting for their teammates.

It leaves the area near the bar much more isolated and Jamie lowers his voice. "About that card game I got, it's pretty fun, too."

"Yeah?" You ask as you bring your plate back to the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'd love to take you out and talk about it," you stop in your tracks before turning back to the footballer who adds, “If you want."

You turn around to see Jamie is much closer to you now. It's only then you realize how much taller he was than you, but despite that, you’re not intimidated, especially with him looking so expectantly at you.

It takes a second before your mouth turns into a smile. "I think I'd like that."

Jamie does this small bounce thing on his heels, before trying to tone it down. You only laugh and kiss him on the cheek before heading to the crowd of players. He follows suit and rests his arm on your shoulders.

Some of his teammates notice and start cheering. You look at them confused before deciding to ask Jamie, "Was this all an elaborate scheme to ask me out?"

He shakes his head, "No, 'course not. Was there a deal made after I lost a game to Jan? Possibly," The both of you laugh as you playfully push his head away. You start to accept that this unfairly attractive football player — whom you'll be going on a date soon — can be as much of a nerd as you.

If this is what George meant when he said game nights could get crazy, well, maybe you should’ve given them a chance earlier.

[miyaur]

hello! can you please write for liyue’s men (with like tartaglia/baizhu/scaramouche too) and their types? like what they look in a s/o and what kind of s/o they’d like/it would suit them best? thxxxxxx

⟢ my kind of woman ft. liyue men + tartaglia & scara ・synopsis. what kind of person are they into? or really who'd match them best? ・notes. yay jing yuan and blade theme my baes, anyways!! i love this sm ive rly wanted to write ab smth like this!! oh also this is really just my thoughts plus relationship headcannons :D ・warnings. suggestive , GN!READER. title is inspired by mac demarco's song :)

opposites attract, the olive theory, i like to believe that most lovers are usually the opposites of each other, or atleast disagree with something in a way. ・for zhongli, having to deal with childe and hu tao everyday, it isn't a breath of fresh air when it comes to an s/o that's overly affectionate and loud, not that he finds it annoying, finds it very cute, every little bit of affection you give him makes his day always. other people might find you overtly obnoxious, but he'd never, everything about you honestly is really.. perfect.. to him. can't describe it in words, even if you were to be similar, he's the type to always expect it, and be the only person not being scared by you, and he's honestly okay with that, hu tao is probably your guys' matchmaker! will trap you both in a closet together while you visited the funeral parlor, gives it about... 15 minutes.. and small hickey can definitely be seen on you and him, is both happy and goes "ew... get a room!!" and also the person to stash both of you guys into a cramped area when she knows very damn well you both like each other.. well took you both long enough honestly, definitely got impatient and pushed you guys... a bit..

・alatus xiao... definitely will tell you you are annoying at first, but you are the annoying he loves <3. the only annoying person he will listen to, and give forehead kisses to, and cuddle all night 'till he sleeps. you really are an exception... but if he'll be totally real with himself, he loves it when you bug him to tell him about what happened today, or who you've talked to, or if you've seen anything new, falls in love all over again every time that you do. likes zoning out when you rant, and all he can see is your pretty smile going on and on about some vendor who gave you free food. likes to shut you up with a kiss, does it often, and makes both of you red. whenever you hear him say something like "do you ever shut up?", it translates to "please keep talking with that soothing voice of yours." i promise he loves you so much, just is still getting used to it.

extrovert x introvert kind of way, one that talks alot, one that listens alot. ・oh loverboy childe/tartaglia.. literal devil x angel type of relationship, in this case, he's the devil. loves bothering you, like even if you give him something while he waits for you to be done with whatever you need to be done, he can't be distracted from distracting his lover?! still a huge sweetheart, don't get me wrong, the type to really memorize things about you too, notices so many little things about you, like even things you don't even notice. but someone who can tolerate his shenanigans are the best match for him. the best hugs ever too, so when you're stressed, just ask for cuddles and kisses and he'll be there to talk to you, even if you don't wanna talk about it, he'll talk to you about his day to comfort you instead. loves you like you are an angel from heaven that blessed him, because you were, and you did.

・kaedehara kazuha.. in this case you are the extrovert, likes to listen you rambling about something from work, the type to hold you close to his chest and hum a familiar tune to get you to sleep, likes to just watch and listen to someone who tends to talk a lot with no one listening to them, but he's always there for you. such a sweetheart with it too, loves to hold your hand while you do, if anyone tells you you're annoying best bet he'll deal with them, with words. isn't shy to say you're his s/o, unintentionally tells everyone about you, "honestly s/o is such a dear for me. they ---." he's ranting to a toucan by the way.

grumpy x sunshine, this is scaramouche with his s/o, if i do say so myself. literal showers of affection in private, 'cold-hearted' in public, promise he doesn't mean the insults he spits at you. still willing for a bit of pda though, basic holding hands is the only kinda he allows tbh, lowkey flexes you when he's with someone else, "oh you know, s/o would've done better than you." so even if you haven't even met them, probably one of his coworkers or friends are already fed up with you (as a joke and seriously), if he's ever upset, he'll really just come over to you, ready for your little kisses on his cheeks, and your head on his lap, just adoring each other, like no one else would.

sun x moon is what baizhu and you would be. and goes so far to already decide what to call your children together. stars. in this case, you're his sun, loud, kind, caring, everything he could imagine, him? oh he's not all that special. he thinks you fell from celestia because wow you really shine, and he's more than thankful everyday that, and likes to spend time with both you and qiqi. so he also does call qiqi a star too <3. just like kazuha, he likes listening more than talking, does the zoning out thing too, changsheng has to tell him to stop so he listens to you, a bright person with someone like him really just.. he knows how much he's been blessed by archons.

❀ᴗ͈ ᴗ͈）taglist: @edit-me-prettyplease | wanna be tagged for my posts? click here!

[absolutebl]

Okay, FINE, the shows you should watch for BL's QUEER AF roots

You ready to go hunting?

Many of these are difficult to find. Also many of the images of them and their posters have been block/banned by tumblr, so, no screen grabs for you! (Good times.)

I don't necessarily *like* any of these, but if you are queer and in this fandom and need to dialogue around BL's queerness - these are going to provide a foundation for you. They are important for various industry, reputation, directorial, and cultural reasons. As seeds often are.

Trigger warnings throughout.

The true beginnings:

Boys Love, Japan's 2006 movie is a REALLY rough start featuring a journalist + hot model = murder gay, mild necrophilia, cheating, abuse, rape, and suicide for love. Start as you mean to go on, why don't you, Japan? Is it queer... maybe? Is it BL... honey, I am very sorry to inform you, this started BL.

Note: Yoshikazu Kotani is famous in og BL circles since he acted in 3 early BLs, both Boys Loves and then Same Difference. Also he v tall and hawt.

Eternal Summer, Taiwan 2006 - unlike Japan, Taiwan did NOT start how it would, eventually, go on. But what a messy way to start. A high school story of 3 besties in a love triangle, self discovery, and sexual awakening that fucks it all up.

No Regret, Korea 2006, is a very unhinged queer catastrophe piece about a lost gay man who ends up a host and then almost a murderer because of both his job and his identity.

Note: This is the directorial feature film debut of Lee-Song Hee-il Korea's (so far as I know) first openly gay director who specialized (to this day) in queer content.

The Love of Siam, Thailand 2007, this was Thailand's queer awakening, sure they would backpedal for YEARS after, but in 2022 they began to remember what this movie was (and did) and overtly referenced this quiet little masterpiece. This movie is sad but stunning in that way that the best queer works from Thailand can be (like Present Perfect or ITSAY.) It has Thailand's quintessential softness around theme and character, which you'll understand perfectly when highlighted against the backdrop of the early 2000s works from Japan, Korea, and Taiwan. Thailand will never lose this soft style and it's one of the most attractive qualities of Thai BL: it's never very harsh with us or its characters. This movie very easily COULD have been quite harsh indeed.

I thought long and hard about including Rice Rhapsody AKA Hainan Chicken Rice (Hainan ji fan) on this list and finally decided it doesn't really qualify. Still let me mention Hong Kong's 2005 movie. It is amazing, fascinating, and very rough going for an ostensible comedy. It wasn't the actual beginning because few saw it and Hong Kong never really picked up or ran with BL let alone QL, but it was hella queer. It's also hella homophobic.

Just Friends? (2009 Korea) - this is Korea's first (kinda) upbeat version of a BL featuring already established boyfriends, one of whom is on military leave, trying to decide on coming out, family life, and the future. All of these are themes Korea will pretty much never tackle again, retreating as they would to their bubble. But what a fun little offering this little show was and is to this day. You should watch it.

Like Love 1 AKA I Love You As A Man: Part 1 - China's 2014 offering is actually pretty classic early form live action yaoi with things like whipping boy, a university setting, rich/poor jock/nerd pairing, hard grumpy/sunshine and a very odd title. It's pre-censorship with an HEA, also explicit, yeah China once did that. This is a lot less queer that it is classic BL and classic Chinese romance, neither of which have any kind of connection to reality. But hey, that's what I'm here for. But it's important to note the drifting away from queerness beginning to occur.

Love Sick - Thailand's 2014 "boys in blues shorts" high school set soapy (in all ways) offering is widely considered the true beginning of Thai BL and by default, eventually, BL as we know it today. (As the biggest producer they somewhat dictate taste and trends in the genre.) This is one of those BLs that owes almost nothing to yaoi, although it started a number of tropes that are now endemic to Thai BL. What it is, instead, is a well scripted story of bisexual self-discovery and the inherent chaos of loving someone of the same gender for the first time, all wrapped up in hormones, existing relationships, and communication issues. It is high school queer angst at its messiest. Nothing is going to be easy for these boys because queer isn’t easy but also because life isn’t easy… welcome to adulthood sweethearts. Is is overtly queer? For 2014 Thailand? Sure is.

Love Next Door 2 a movie from 2014 and one of Thailand’s early very high heat pieces, it’s odd, but sexy I guess? Some unexpectedly decent queer rep including femme characters getting screen time + HEAs. (Part one from 2013 has the same high heat content and features the same lead character (and actor) discovering he is gay with the sex worker next door, but isn't as good nor is it relevant to this installment.)

A few other unknowns, for the queer babies

Wait For Me at Udagawachou AKA Udagawachou de Matteteyo - from Japan in 2015, this is a story about two boys in high school one of whom is a repressed outsider and the other who has a terrible secret (body dysmorphia & cross dressing). When the first boy discovers what's up with the second one, his reaction is very much fetishization. "Oh Japan must you?" kinda started for me with this show. But in this case, Japan, weirdly MUST. This is the ONLY show laboring under (and testing) a pointedly straight lens (or is it?) and identity examination (yes but which boys' identity? that's the question) that I've EVER seen even edge into the BL genre. It is crazy queer, even as it mostly focuses on the fetishization of identity from an outsider's perspective. I WISH more people in fandom would watch it so I could at least talk to someone about it.

The Lover (BL Cut) Korea's 2015 series had multiple couples in an apartment complex, one pair of whom is a BL romance between a Korean man and a visiting Japanese tourist (played by a Kpop idol). It's comedic, slapstick sexy only (no kissing), but basically starts up Korea's bubble and use of idols in BL. It's kinda fascinating to watch them dodge around and still represent gayness in what (is sadly destined to become) a very Chinese way, but which Korea in pursuit of Hallyu and market share would morph into the bubble.

Mr. X and I from China in 2015 is a compilation piece and, I think, the first of this kind of multiple narrative shorter grab bags AKA "Sampler Pack BL." Two of the stories are very queerly sad, but the third is CLASSIC BL of the kind that would become China's best (and last) true BL, Addicted.

Sweet Boy, (Thai 2016) Chimon's first gay role and it is quite sad, oddly sexy, and similar to Dew the movie or My Bromance (just so you know what you are in for) but the acting is on point. When Thailand goes dark, this is how they do it, but this is rough going for baby queers because that's the darkness it is exploring. Our old thematic friends: the pain of self discovery and coming out into a homophobic environment and unfriendly reality, and the cost of being the one able (and willing) to stay in the closet.

Method (Korea 2017) this movie is a May/December actor/idol pairing, that should have been everything I wanted in life but is more about the older character cheating on his wife and their weird “artsy” relationship and frankly, I hated it. And I don’t say that lightly. Is it queer? Who tf knows, but is sure has some interesting things to say about the nature of PERFORMATIVE queerness.

Red Balloon is Taiwan's 2017 precursor BL to their biggest and most famous prestige piece Your Name Engraved Herein. If you're making a choice, choose that instead, but this series certainly paved the way for it to come into existence. Both shows tackle the pressures of culture and social structures on self acceptance and identity and the loneliness inevitably caused by conflict between the two.

(As indeed does Life Love On The Line, Present Perfect, Grey Rainbow, Tropical Night, My Sky, and many other queer meets early BL pieces that revolved around coming out and family acceptance.)

China's 3 2017 "they tried to censor the gay... and it went HORRIBLY wrong":

Beloved Enemy,

The Fairy Fox,

Mr. CEO is Falling in Love with Him.

Honestly these 3 are basically the uncanny valley of BLs.

The Novelist AKA The Pornographer series (2018-2020). Messy psychological machinations, gaslighting, fetishization, sexual corruption, and more good times from "well, what did you expect?" Japan, but also no holds barred queer, just well and truly fucked in the head (and arse) about it.

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - Drama llama queers so queer and so dramatic it's like Japan is trying to PROVE something: obsession, cheating, break-up, reunion, then break up again, all of it explicit. This show is just SO JAPANESE. I can't even, but you should watch it and you'll know exactly what I mean. Something like My Personal Weatherman owes it's lineage to this kind of BL. If you like Japan naked, boney, emo, and smoking (hot & ciggy) you will love this, and should watch it. It's objectively amazing, I can't stand it, but I NEED people to talk about it more.

More Queer Stuff about BL from moi

BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men 

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer? 

Actually gay, not BL gay - the idea of “by queers, for queers, about queers,” the BL bubble, sanitized gay, and a queer lens

Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity

BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage

Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge… is it queerbaiting?) 

BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more:  Is that BL actor actually queer?

So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl 

Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom 

BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers

10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience 

If you like these kinds of shows try the "Moody Arthouse Smackdoodle" section of this post too.

Happy watching!

(source)

[crybaby-bkg]

our love is god

Gojo Satoru x f!reader Warnings: gaslighting, emotional manipulation (both light but current themes), codependency, get togethers and then break ups, reader cries a lot in the later half lol, cowgirl position, heavy petting, unsafe sex, creampies, baby trapping, hinted stalker gojo, drinking at a party. I think that's all but pls tell me if I missed anything. other than that, enjoy!! Word Count: 8.2k Notes: I can’t write him normally I fear </3 nor can I write a fic for him without including a title from the heathers lol anyway, he’s not as obsessed in this fic as I originally intended, but I still enjoyed writing this so :) I hope you all enjoy reading it!!! 🖤 Minors/blank/ageless blogs DNI! Also available on ao3!

When Gojo first introduces himself to you, you’re the definition of unimpressed. He’s all pretty white smiles and even whiter hair, shining blue eyes with a knack of typically getting anyone he wanted. It’s why he took such a liking to you and your indifference to him, his status, his charms. 

So, you’re still not sure how you ended up dating him after almost a year of pursuing you. You’re stubborn, you can admit, but also weak for the idiot that is Gojo Satoru. He’s still as annoying as he was when you first met him, but there’s something about him now, that has captivated you. Maybe it was his persistence, or his wits, or the never ending love that spilled from between his ribcage whenever he was near you. 

Either way, you find yourself tied to his hip most days. Even though your majors in college are different, you’re still together more than people expected. Despite living together, being around the other is a necessity, a need, akin to each breath you exhale that he inhales into his own greedy mouth. You have your first class and he meets you for a quick break before his second; you have the whole afternoon off on Wednesday’s and you wait for him at the campus cafe you first met at; you want to stay home to study and he drags you off to a night with his friends. 

You don’t think that he can live without you. Not necessarily in the sense of being a man child and being unable to provide for himself, no. Gojo Satoru could do whatever he wanted, and did, long before you two had met. But, you think its a certain codependency that starts cracking at the perfect mirror that is your relationship. 

“Don’t you wanna be a stay at home wife after you graduate?” Satoru whispers in your ear, his mouth pecking your flesh as he hugs you tight to his chest. You’re on your couch, thighs split open to accommodate the thickness of him, his legs and his cock carving its way inside of you. The way your breath hitches doesn’t go unnoticed by the blue eyed man, but he can’t pinpoint if its from his words or the way he slowly pushes his hips upward until his tip nudges that sweet spot inside you 

“What are you talking about, ‘Toru?” You ask shakily, wrapping your arms tighter around his neck, burying your face in his skin. But Gojo doesn’t let you escape, instead pries you away from his body until you’re forced to lean back on his knees. He likes this view the most, when you’re vulnerable, when he gauges you with things he knows will require complete honesty, that its harder to hide from him like this. 

“You heard me,” Satoru grins, nodding his head toward you. He holds your waist in too big hands, drinking you with all too knowing eyes, grin too wide to be anything else but devious. “Didn’t you tell me you wanted to be a stay at home wife before?”

“I never s-said that,” you whisper back, eyes fluttering shut when he starts using your body to fuck his cock. He fills you up in a familiar way, a way that you know you’ll always come home to, even when you get that sinking feeling that you should run. Gojo pouts at you, leaning his head back on the couch until all you see is his stare down the bridge of his nose, his Adams apple bobbing when he swallows down a moan. 

“Didn’t you?” Satoru questions, grin widening when he thrusts a little harder than you expect, feeling you clamp down tighter around him. You gasp, squeezing your eyes shut before they flutter open to glare at him, rolling your hips to get some friction on your neglected clit. 

“Stop it, ‘Toru, you always do this.” You groan under your breath, leaning your own head back to rest between your shoulders. 

The few hiccups you had in your relationship with Satoru always centered around his…cockiness, knowing he could get anything he wanted. While it was both a factor that helped you into this relationship with him, it also chips away at your love for him everyday. It’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, of knowing what you want. But its something completely different when that want goes against what your partner is saying isn’t okay with them. 

He’s done this before, with little trivial things. Don’t you love this kind of ramen? Even though he knew you had an aversion to spicier foods. Don’t you want to change your major to this instead? Even though you were sure and loved the major you had before. Don’t you want to change for me? Erase your identity for me? Become one symbiotic being fused into me? Don’t you want to live in my skin, as I want to with yours? Don’t you love me? 

“I do not,” Gojo huffs, leaning forward to grip your head on both sides, leveling your glare with his own relaxed one. “You just have so much going on in that pretty little head of yours, that you forget things sometimes.”

“I think I would remember saying I wanted to waste away all the years I worked my ass off for college, just to stay at home and be up under you everyday.” You snip back, losing your concentration for your impending orgasm, growing more and more frustrated as he keeps yapping his stupid mouth. Gojo must sense this though, as his hands slither down to your hips, holding you still as he fucks up into you hard enough that you cry out and topple over into his chest. 

“That doesn’t sound like too bad of an idea to me,” Satoru grunts out, holding you close as he keeps snapping his hips into you. It’s like something within him has changed in just a split second; like you speaking the words aloud have rung true in his mind. It should scare you, that he’s not paying attention to the sarcasm in your voice, nor your disdain for the idea itself. But, he doesn’t stop snapping his hips until you cry out and shake in his lap, cunt clenching down around him sporadically as you mewl into his skin. 

“I like the idea of coming home to you,” he grunts in between breaths, still using your hole even though you whine to him about sensitivity. “With a big rock on your finger, all domestic, waiting and dependent on me.” 

He whispers the last part, squeezing you to him even tighter before you feel him shoot ropes of cum inside of you. Its warm—and always familiar—making you sigh as you slump into him even more. You let him finish before hearing him let out a final low grunt, pulling you into him until your head is tucked under his chin. You sit there in silence, feeling him still throbbing inside of you, and you think he must still be having those stay at home wife fantasies. You want to put an end to them immediately, so you speak up in the quietness of the room,

“Don’t get stuck in your head thinking your fantasy will become reality, Satoru.” You remind him, pinching his side where your arms rest. You can hear his smile in his voice when he speaks, wrapping long arms tight around you, so tight you fear you may never escape. 

“It always does.” He singsongs, pecking the crown of your head before resting his cheek on top of it. You frown, going to pull away, but he holds you so tight, that your breath momentarily escapes you. 

“Well, not this time.” You mumble, feeling the tiredness of a long week start to overtake you. Gojo doesn’t say anything for a long time until he’s sure you’re sleep, whispering into the air, 

“We’ll see about that.” 

…

You’re surprised that Gojo is surprised when you break up with him. You thought he would’ve been able to see it coming, especially since you had started pulling away in your last few weeks together. Instead of spending damn near every moment together, suddenly you were always busy with something else; you couldn’t go to the cafe, couldn’t sneak into empty hallways between classes, couldn’t come to the parties his friends would throw. 

He thought he could pull you into him more during these moments, discuss things he knew you loved, dropped subjects he knew would push you away. But it was too late for any of that—you were checked out of this relationship before your mouth could even form the words. 

“You don’t mean that.” Gojo mutters under his breath, the fringe of his hair blocking his vision as his head hangs low between his shoulders. He sits on that same couch where he tried to convince you that his dream of you dropping everything to become a stay at home wife was your idea. The thought makes your stomach churn—he’s always done this to you. Always planted ideas in your head that you knew weren’t true, but if Satoru said it, then there must be some sort of truthfulness in it, right? 

“I do.” You say firmly, back straight where you stand in front of his hunched over form on the couch. Your body is poised to run in case he does something unhinged, and you’re sure he won’t, but you refuse to take any chances. He gets quiet for a long while, before croaking out a quiet,

“Why? What did I do?” You could scoff. What did he do? What didn’t he fucking do to you to drive you to this point? 

What was the driving force to disconnecting from him? You wonder if it was the codependency that he forced upon you, like he couldn’t live without you? If it was the constant messages of your whereabouts that shredded you thin, when you weren’t around him, when you tried to be independent? Was it the clinginess? The feeling of his skin glued to yours all the time, the feeling of being trapped in his shadow? Was it the overbearing love, the struggle to breathe on your own? Was it all of it? But instead of expressing any of this, all you can spit out is a meekly excuse,

“I just don’t think we’re meant to be together.” You whisper, suddenly ashamed at your cowardice. You had a whole speech prepared on how you would break up with him, how you’d point out his flaws, his incapacity to love you as a person and not as a possession. But you swallow it all down, afraid too much will come back up, that you’ll ruin the front of your clothes with your verbal bile that he won’t be able to clean like he used to anymore. 

“That’s it, huh?” Satoru asks you quietly, craning his neck slightly so that a glowing blue eye can peek through his fringe. It unnerves you more than it should, and you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand with every passing second. He knows there’s more to it, more that you refuse to say, but honestly, you’re not sure if its worth it anymore. You just want to leave. 

“That’s it.” You nod, finality barely lacing your tone, as you still stand on shaky grounds. You clear your throat and look around the apartment, wringing your hands together as Gojo continues to watch you. 

“I’ll, uh, get my clothes and stuff tomorrow. You can keep everything else.” You tell him, avoiding his gaze as your eyes dart over to the front door. You wonder, if he chases you, will you be able to make it out alive? 

“Where are you going to live?” He asks you, finally lifting his upper body so that he sits up on the couch, his hands folded neatly in his lap. You don’t think he’s taken his eyes off of you yet. 

“Me and a friend found an apartment not too far from campus.” You don’t want to disclose too much information, afraid he would find you and pretend that you guys never broke up. Pretend that everything is okay, and be glued right back to your flank as if nothing had ever happened. Or maybe you just think the worst of him, you conclude, when Gojo smiles at you. It’s not as unsettling as you would think, more on the side of acceptance, but it baffles you all the same. 

He unfurls himself from the couch, standing too tall, too broad, too intimidating, despite the fact that he curls in a little to keep you from being scared. He opens his arms to you, and you try not to stare at the bulging muscles beneath his black tee, muscles that are all too familiar and call your name to come running back home. 

“Well, okay then.” Gojo finally speaks after what feels like hours. “I wish you the best.” His voice sounds all too genuine, all too sweet and convincing. 

He’s taking this…well? Gojo, who wouldn’t let you breathe in your own breaths without his mouth being pressed right against yours? Whose heart slowed to the rhythm of your own to always be in sync? Who would hold you close every night, almost as if in fear that you would escape in the night and leave him stranded? He’s…alright with you breaking up with him?

Like you’re under a spell, your feet move heavily until they fit perfectly between his own spread ones, arms coming up to his sides until he embraces you tightly. He’s warm, always is, and smells so familiar that you feel your own heart ache knowing that his scent will become a haunting memory instead of the comfort of home. He wraps you up in him until his arms squeeze your shoulders and your face is buried into his chest. 

You don’t realize that you’re crying until he kisses the top of your head, shushing you to stop your hiccuping sobs as you cling to his shirt. Why are you crying? This was your decision after all. But why does him accepting your breakup hurt more? Why didn’t he fight for you? He would always fight for you. 

“Okay, I have a lecture in about twenty minutes.” Gojo tells you, a signal to pull away, and you do, but it hurts more than it really should. You wipe your face with your sleeve, avoiding his eyes as he holds you back by the shoulders, ducking his head down to catch your gaze. 

“I’ll always love you, you know that?” He tells you, eyes searching your face. You swallow down a hiccup, scrubbing at your eyes petulantly as you nod a few times. 

“I hope you have a successful life.” You can almost hear him tacking on a quiet without me, but he only smiles at you again before pecking your forehead one last time. After that, he squeezes your shoulders before he lets you go, turning on his heel as he starts gathering a few things. He’s at the door in what feels like seconds, his broad back facing you, feeling you staring at him. He turns his neck until his eye catches your own, winking at you once before opening the door and walking out. 

It’s the last time you see Gojo for a while, and it makes you feel emptier than you care to admit. 

…

As time goes on, you start to get better. Things get a little easier to deal with, you start gaining more independence while living with your friend, start going out more, getting better grades. You never thought that you were necessarily a terrible match with Satoru, but you think in certain aspects that he held you back more than you ever recognized in those moments. 

But, overall, everything is going fine. Well, mainly everything, save for your love life. 

You wanted to take a break from dating after being in your relationship with Gojo for over a year, but its been eight months since you split, and you don’t see yourself getting with anyone else in the meantime. You’re in your last year of college, so you’re hoping for some kind of hookup before you graduate, but it feels like something else is off. Like the people around you avoid you when you’re near if they aren’t already yours friends, like they’re hesitant to be near you without setting clear boundaries that they’re not interested in you at all. 

You chalk it up to your past with Gojo, as most people knew you were together. Maybe they’re scared of pissing him off and getting with his ex. You’ve heard rumors from people that he thinks you’ll get back together soon, but you’re not sure if these words actually came from him, or if people just like to gossip. Either way, you try to let it roll off of your back, and put yourself out there to people who don’t go to your school. 

Which still ends up being a dud. You think you just might be cursed, or something. You can’t even get laid with a random hookup! You’re sure its Gojo doing something to make everyone lay off of you, but you also haven’t spoken to him since the breakup, so you’re not sure if confronting him about it is a great idea. 

Except, the choice is taken from you when you find yourself in the cafe that you first met him in, and he’s there too. You hadn’t noticed him, if he was already there when you came, or if he slithered in after you, but he’s there. Sitting diagonal from your booth, facing you, hands under his chin as he yaps away to his friend, Suguru. You remember the guy well, although you were never too close with him, and he seems intrigued with whatever Gojo is blabbering on about, which is typically unusual. 

Your eyes quickly flit back over to your laptop screen where you text who you’re sure will be another unsaved contact from a dating app, pretending to not see the white haired man. But luck hasn’t been on your side in a while, as you can see him perk up from the corner of your eye as his whole body turns to you, his conversation abruptly cutting off. He calls your name once and you pretend not to hear him, but then he’s standing and making his way over to you, and you fear you can’t avoid him any longer. 

“Long time no see.” Gojo greets you, standing over your table with too big a grin. You act surprised at the sight of him, gasping a little before raising your eyebrows, fingers slowing in their typing until they stop. 

“Hey, its been a while, hasn’t it?” You ask, even though you know, and you’re sure he knows too, that you’ve been avoiding him as much as humanly possible. But Gojo only smiles wider at you, cocking his head to the side as he takes you in shamelessly, and you do the same. 

He looks…bigger, than he did before, his shoulders broader, his physique just a little wider than you remember. He looks more relaxed than you think he would be, after you unceremoniously breaking up with him, and then actively avoiding him for almost an entire year after that. He looks…good. 

“May I?” Gojo asks, referring to the seat in the booth across from you. You stutter for a second, wondering if you should allow him back in, even if its in the tiniest amount. You did last time, in this same cafe, and ended up with him glued to your very being. You don’t know if you’re strong enough to unstick him another time. But you swallow and force a smile, nodding once to the empty space in front of you. 

“Sure,” you mumble, trying to quickly shut out the dating app on your laptop, exiting out of the messages without looking too obvious. But its like Gojo always knows when something is up, and he rests his chin in his hand as the other taps at the table, too loud in the quiet cafe. 

“Meet anyone new yet?” He asks, making your eyes shoot up to his own guiltily. But he smiles that easygoing smile at you, making you suck in a deep breath as you finally calm enough to close out the app. 

“No luck in that department yet. Not sure if its an unfortunate thing, though.” You hum, eyes flittering up to his own that are covered by his infamous circled glasses. He never really wore them when he was around you, and you feel weird by the sudden melancholy that overtakes you at the thought. You’ve grown without me, Satoru, you don’t treat me the same anymore. I thought you always would. 

“Me neither, but I don’t think its unfortunate.” He tells you, tilting his head a little to the side as he huffs out a humorless laugh. You want to ask him what he means by that, but you’re afraid of the answer. Thankfully, he speaks before you find out what his statement really meant. 

“How were you grades last semester? Did you end up passing that dick professor’s class?” Gojo asks softly, all of his attention on you, makes you feel a little overwhelmed, and all too familiar. But if its a negative thing, you can’t really figure it out. You didn’t like the constant attention, the clinginess and dependency, but there was something about someone so devoted to you. Someone who looked at you like you molded lighting bolts in hand and struck down soft soil to create the earth. Someone who looked at you like you held the secrets of their life behind your teeth, like some prophet one could only wish to get close to. 

“I passed. Barely.” You mumble, smiling a little when Gojo celebrates with a clap and a small cheer, making Suguru turn around slightly to catch the commotion. He calms when he sees you sink in on yourself in embarrassment, smiling at you all the while with a look too familiar. That goes on for what feels like hours, like the entire world has sunken away, drowned out into a blurry nothingness as your background. 

Here, its just you and Satoru. Here, there are no issues or problems in your relationship. Here, you love him and he loves you and that is enough. Here, your love for him conquers all doubt and fear. Here, your love is perfect. 

The spell is broken suddenly when Gojo leans back in the booth, stretching a little. You feel the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding come flooding back to you, making you slump over a little in your seat. A ding from your computer signals suddenly, making your eyes dart over to the notification. Its from the dating app, the guy you were just texting suddenly telling you that he can’t make it to your date tonight, but that he’d love to see you after midnight at his place. 

You deflate, and Gojo is far too perceptive. He clears his throat once, making your eyes snap back over to him in surprise, and then quickly guilt. But why do you feel so guilty? You’re single, you broke up with him. But its something about the way his mouth twitches at the corner, that makes shame sink deep into the pit of your belly. 

“I’ll see you around,” Gojo says lowly, tipping his head at you and standing before you can get a word out. Your mouth opens and closes a few times, before managing to spit something out, 

“And I’ll—I’ll see you!” You cringe the moment the words leave your mouth. But Gojo only gives you a half smile, reaching out to rub gently at the crown of your head, an act he would always do whenever you did something he was quite fond of. You guess things never really change. 

…

Your roommate had convinced you to go to a party with her, one to celebrate the end of your fall semester. You were reluctant at first, but after the umpteenth rejection, you decide your ego needs some kind of boost. Since it was a little colder, you dressed warm, but still adorned something that you hope would draw more eyes to your form. 

When you get there, the party is in full swing. There’s a loud bass playing somewhere in the house, people littering the dance floor, cups of mysterious juice being passed around to everyone who enters. As you make your way inside, you quickly lose sight of your friend, and it doesn’t bother you as it usually would. 

Tonight, you’re on the hunt for someone new—someone not Gojo. But, you think you might’ve personally pissed off a deity or something, because of fucking course, he’s there at the party. Sitting on a couch between his friends with his too long limbs and dark glasses despite it damn near being pitch black in the house, save for some colorful lighting strobing across the walls. 

You catch his face, a stream of a soft baby blue gracing his features, at the same time his head turns in your direction. Even though you can’t see his eyes, you know he’s looking at you. You can always tell when he is. And he smiles a little smile, tipping his head and his cup to you, and awkwardly, you do the same back before stiffly turning on your heels to head for the kitchen. 

It’s just as stuffy in there as the rest of the house, but there is a little more breathing room. You take a second to catch your breath, mumbling a quick apology to whatever deity you pissed off, before grabbing a cup. 

“Hey, can you pour me some too?” A voice rings out from beside you, making you perk up in surprise. You look over and find a pretty handsome guy beside you, smiling and offering a red solo cup in your direction. He smiles when you look at him, and you smile back with a nod. 

“Of course. Tell me when,” you say over the loud music, filling up his cup and laughing when a little spills over because the guy is too busy looking at you. He chuckles under his breath, grabbing a few napkins to wipe up the mess as he stands there watching you pour your own drink. 

“I don’t usually fumble this bad, you know.” The guy tells you, pretty smile beaming as you look at him from over your cup, mirth shining in your eyes. You cock an eyebrow at him, resting your hip against the counter. 

“Oh, really?” You tease, to which he nods quickly. “So I just make you nervous then, huh?” You grin, to which he grins back cheekily, shrugging a little as he forgoes an answer to take a swig of his drink. Conversation with the guy goes smoothly for a few minutes, before he suddenly turns stone still, looking over your shoulders. You cock an eyebrow, repeating your previous question, before turning to see what’s captured his attention. You don’t see anybody, and when you go to ask him what’s wrong, you discover that he’s already disappeared into the crowd. 

The rest of the night goes eerily like this, like there’s some bad omen just lingering above your head, like there’s some warning sign strapped to your chest telling people to stay far away. Every conversation that you start with someone ends up the same; a look over your shoulder, before turning pale, and scurrying away with some excuse about having to be somewhere else. 

By the end of the night, you have to bite back tears in the bathroom as you stare yourself down in the mirror. Is it your clothes? Your breath? Your makeup? What the fuck is driving everyone away from you like some walking disease?

The answer to your question pops up in front of you the moment you swing the bathroom door open. Gojo stands in the doorway, entirely too tall, entirely too broad, entirely too handsome. Maybe its the few drinks you’ve downed in the past couple minutes, but the alcohol in your belly is pulling you home. 

“I saw you come up here, and you looked upset, so I just wanted to check on you.” Gojo tells you under the muted bass of the music downstairs. He looks so sincere, his glasses pushed down to the perkiness of his nose, looking at you with a gaze so intense, you feel your legs tremble. 

“I know we broke up a while ago, but I still care for your well being, you know that right?” He professes, reaching a hand out to wipe away a stray tear you hadn’t caught. You try not to lean into his palm when his hand lingers, and he’s gone too fast for your liking. 

You stare up at him all the while, silent, taking him in. It’s been so long since you’ve got to look at him, really look at him, and take every part of him in. When you look at him, you don’t see the dependency or the whining or the frustration when you became too independent. 

No, you see the Satoru that loved you, that put you to bed on nights when you put your physical health after your studies. The Satoru that celebrated your accomplishments every opportunity that he had, who encouraged you to do more, try harder, be your best self. You see the Satoru that always offered companionship, even on days when things were too hard for him to handle himself. You see the company that always stayed beside you, the familiarity of him, his smell, his pretty blue eyes, his chest that welcomed your tears and your snot and every cry you’ve ever had. 

Without a word, you fall into his chest, arms still limp at your sides. You catch him off guard a little, feeling him stumble back once before he braces himself, bringing his arms to wrap around your whole body. He squeezes you tight to him, rubbing the back of your head as you hiccup little cries into his shirt, clutching the fabric of his sweatpants tight in your trembling hands. 

He stands there and lets you get all of your emotions out until you finally slow, still rubbing a comforting hand over your head and down your flank. When your hiccups have longer and longer intervals, is when he finally pulls you back by your shoulders. The position is all too familiar, makes you have flashbacks to that day where you changed the course of both of your lives. Gojo squeezes your shoulders when he sees your bottom lip tremble, and he can’t help but pout back amusedly at your watery eyes. 

“You wanna get out of here, and go back home?” He asks you, leaning down a little so that his face is so close to yours. You can see the different specks of blue in his irises, watch how his nose crinkles a little when you hiccup again and nod slowly, how his mouth curves into a smirk when you wipe at your face with the backs of your hands. 

“Okay, let’s go then.” He says softly, unable to resist leaning forward to peck at your forehead. Your eyes close at the contact, feeling yourself melt back into the person you were a year ago, melded into Gojo, and always finding yourself going back home with him. 

…

Everything feels all too familiar, at the moment. You ride in Gojo’s sleek black car late in the night, the windows rolled down and music that you both hate playing too loudly on the speakers. The only thing different, is that you’re still teary, and he’s quiet. 

“I’m really sorry, you know?” You mutter, still wiping away the tears as they flow freely, now you think because of the alcohol. You wish you would’ve been able to have this conversation a little more sober, but its too late now. You just babble on and on while Gojo listens, one hand on the wheel and the other resting in his lap. 

“I just felt so overwhelmed in our relationship, like I wasn’t myself anymore. And I can’t blame you, like, I have to take some accountability for not doing more to maintain my identity in order to appease you. But I just—I just lost who I was and I just needed a break, but I don’t want space from you anymore.” You rattle on, too afraid to look over at him, scared his jaw would be ticking and his mouth would be set in a firm line. The car is silent for a few seconds before Gojo speaks up,

“So that’s it?” His voice crackles in the car above the music that quiets for a few beats. “We were just on a year long break, and didn’t actually break up?” Your stomach sinks at his words, hands wringing together as you try to piece an explanation together quickly. 

“Well, um—”

“So glad I didn’t cheat then.” Gojo cuts you off, making your head whip over to him in surprise. He’s grinning now, big and wide, reaching a hand over to squeeze at your thigh as he tilts his head in your direction to wink at you. You feel yourself slowly deflate, nerves crumbling with every passing second, every sentence Gojo prattles on with about how much he missed you. 

When you finally gain your composure, you realize that you’ve stopped at a red light, and Gojo is looking at you again. You blink bleary eyes at him—so sweet, so innocent—you watch him practically melt in the drivers seat. His skin is tinged with the red of the traffic lights, makes his eyes look even paler, his mouth even pinker. You sigh softly into the air when his big hand snakes up to cup your cheek, finally allowing yourself to relax into his touch. 

“You’ve always been such a pretty crier.” Gojo whispers to you, and you want to kiss him so, so bad, but you don’t. You let him take control since you hurt him so bad with the breakup, let him control the moment, but you secretly wish that he kisses you until your lungs stop. Instead, he runs his thumb across your bottom lip before pulling away, and you belatedly realize that its because the light has turned green. 

Gojo's hand drops into your lap again though, rubbing gently at your thigh as you keep staring at him. He’s talking about how little the apartment has changed since you’ve been gone, about you moving back in, about having some movers ready before the weekend is up. And you’re listening, you are, but its so hard to fully tune into what he’s saying when he looks so pretty and his big hand keeps stroking at your sensitive thighs. While looking at him, you try and inch his hand closer between your legs, so many memories flooding back of you being in this same position before. 

Except, this time, Gojo does not appease you. No, instead he turns to you with a frown, eyes bouncing back and forth from you and the road, as he stills his hand when you try and tug at it. 

“What were you saying earlier? About needing a break before, about wanting to wait?” He asks you softly, cooing at your little pout that instantly takes over your face. 

“Just wait until we get home, baby. I’ve been without you for so long now, I wanna cherish the moment.” He says fondly, tugging at your bottom lip when you pout. You nod, but don’t say anything, dejected at your rejection from him, telling yourself you should’ve known that things wouldn’t have gone back to the exact same. Only, Gojo sees your little pout, and he’s missed you so damn much, that he can’t help but spoil you. Just a little. 

“Unzip your jeans for me, love.” Gojo calls out to you, nodding his chin in the direction of your legs. You try not to perk up too much, but you listen without a moments hesitation, quickly unbuttoning your jeans, zipping the zipper down in the now quiet car. 

You don’t take them off or shimmy them down your hips too far, just a little, just enough for Gojo to squeeze his hand between them and your panties. From there, he pets gently at your cunt, lithe fingers stroking between your lips, pushing as far as he can into your hole that pulsates around the fabric. He pulls and gently tugs at your pubes, grinning when you hiss, and taps his finger against your hole once more. He feels your increasing wetness starting to spread, and it makes him chuckle, moving deft fingers up to start petting at your clit. 

You sigh softly, dropping your legs open as much as you can with the restrictive material, holding onto Gojo’s arm like a life jacket. And he lets you, coos down to you about how sensitive he forgot you were, how swollen your little clit is already, how you’re seeping through your panties, how dirty you’ve always been for him. When you feel close to coming, from being untouched in so long, from missing his fingers so much, he suddenly stops. 

You whine, digging your nails into his arm as you blink at him confusedly. But Gojo is already pulling into the apartment complex, grinning all the while. 

“Don’t worry,” he says, tapping your clit once, twice, with the pad of his finger to watch your hips stutter. “I’ll get you what you want in no time.”

…

Falling into bed with Satoru is as familiar as breathing, as walking, as loving him. Feels as familiar as waking up beside him and being welcomed by your favorite coffee drink and being kissed despite your morning breath. Feels as familiar as your skin melting into his own, as sharing a set of lungs and kidneys, as your hearts beating the same pattern that is all too familiar with you both. 

When he sinks his cock into your aching heat, you feel like all is right in the world again. What were you thinking before, when leaving him? How could you do that to him, to the both of you? Why would you ever leave when Satoru always felt this good?

You moan into his mouth when he lays on top of you, flat on your back with one leg over his shoulder, as he traps your other leg between his thighs. His pubes brush against your clit when he leans into you, his fringe brushing away the sweat starting to gather on your forehead, huffing a laugh against your lips. 

“Did you miss this? Miss me? I haven’t heard you say it enough tonight.” Gojo teases you, rolling his hips into your sweet cunt with every word. Your eyebrows screw up at the pleasure, and he can’t help but blink bleary eyes open to admire how pretty you look under him. You nod quickly, nose bumping against his as you wrap your arms tight around his shoulders. 

“Missed you so much. ‘M so sorry for leaving,” you babble on, grinding your hips into his, feeling him throb deep inside of you at your words. He groans, tongue slipping out to trace the seam of your lips, dipping it inside when you so graciously welcome him in. 

“You miss me, or was it just my cock?” Satoru asks against you, laughing a little when you quickly shake your head, holding him tight to you. 

“Missed you, missed you so fuckin’ much, ‘Toru.” The sound of his nickname falling from your lips makes him groan into your cheek, pulling his hips back to fuck into you a little harder. He holds the back of your head until your foreheads press together, eyes staring at your fluttering ones from the pleasure, drinking in every piece of you that he can get. 

“You still love me, don’t you? Didn’t forget about how much, right?” Satoru asks, hips starting to slam into yours, pace quickening. Your moans are stuttered with every breath, and you’re sure you’d be sliding up the bed if he didn’t keep such a tight grip on you. You throw your head back with a little yelp when he suddenly presses a wet thumb to your clit, rubbing it in quick little circles. 

“Huh? Did you forget all your love for me?” Gojo sounds disappointed in you, and that’s the last thing you wanted. Your hands find his nape and his scalp, pulling as soft as you can as you blink a few times through the tears of pleasure. 

“No, never, I could never forget, ‘Toru. Love you so much, so, so much,” you chant your love for him, holding on for dear life to his skin when he starts fucking you with renewed passion. Your words make his cock throb from deep inside of you, make him wanna bring you to the edge just like how he used to. 

And he does, but only this time, he doesn’t let you jump from the edge, no. Instead, Gojo pulls out, shushes your cries with a kiss to your greedy mouth as he moves your leg from his shoulder. He positions you until your lower body is twisted to the side, legs tight together, pretty plump lips peeking from between. He slots his dick back inside of you, comfortable and familiar, sinking in deep and growling at your squeak at how thick he feels in this position. 

“Fuck, feels like you’re splitting me open, ‘Toru!” You whine, reaching out for him when he sits up on his knees. He leans into you, lets you cup his cheek, sucks your thumb into his mouth when it falls open. Gojo looks rabid now, his glasses slipping off of his face as his hips slam into you. Usually, he wouldn’t be so desperate, but you’ve deprived him of this sweet pussy far too long for him to be rational about any of this. 

“You like that? Yeah?” Satoru asks you, one hand holding your hip, the other reaching out to squeeze one of your tits in his hand. You push your chest out to him, nodding and hiccuping as you moan with every thrust inside of your aching cunt. 

“Yeah,” you whine back, eyes glossy as your hands fall back, one holding onto your pillow beneath you that smells just like his shampoo. The other grips the back of his hand that holds your tit, eyes screwing shut when he sneaks down to start thumbing at your clit again. 

“You’re so desperate for me, isn’t that right?” Satoru coos down at you, glasses falling from his face, bouncing off of your hip. He pants from above you, his usual carefully styled hair going awry and all over his head, licking his lips as he stares down at you. You nod quickly, holding on for dear life as you start feeling your orgasm starting to creep on you again. 

“Must’ve been miserable everyday without me, without my cock.” Satoru groans down, leaning back on his knee as he keeps fucking you to admire the sight. He throws his head back when you squeeze your thighs even tighter, cunt clamping down around him, gritting his teeth all the while. 

“Knew you’d come crawling back to me, it was only a matter of time. You looked so pretty doing it,” He growls, watching your telltale signs that your orgasm is near. But, Gojo is a petty bastard, and still insists that he makes you wait. For all its worth, its the least you could do for breaking his heart over needing stupid space. 

He waits until he’s sure you’re on the brink of your orgasm before pulling out once more. You groan and whine this time, but he only manhandles your body until you’re on your stomach, thighs pressed together once more. He cages your legs between his own, pulling at your cheeks until they spread for him, and he takes a second to admire the pretty sight before him. Gojo can’t help but lean down and press a quick kiss to your dripping hole, feeling you clench down quickly and squeak. 

He laughs at you and smacks a hand down on your ass before sitting up again, holding his base so that he can tease his cock at your hole. You whine for him to stop teasing you, to put it in already, make you cum like he has so many times before. 

And he does just that; pressing his leaky tip in inch by slow inch until you’re full of him. You let out a filthy moan until his base and balls are snuggled into your ass, whole body going limp below him. You let him use you as you please, head feeling fuzzy the entire time as he leans his body weight on top of you, fully crushing you. 

“Our love is so strong, isn’t it?” Gojo hums into your ear, committing to slow strokes this time, because he likes how you quiver underneath him when he grinds his tip against your sweet spot. “Feels like nothing could ever break it, like nothing could ever come between us.” 

He kisses your shoulders as he speak, intertwining his fingers into yours, holding your hands where they rest on the pillows beneath you. Its an intimate gesture, makes you swallow the cry that wants to rip out of your throat, burying your face into fluffy fabric that smells of him to moan loudly. 

“You wanna make it even stronger, don’t you?” Gojo whispers under his breath, feeling his cock brush your sweet spot over and over until it drives you crazy. All you can do is nod, squeezing his hand as he nibbles at your ear. 

“Let’s have a baby, together.” His words should alarm you, and so should the lack of a condom that you’re just now realizing. So should how sinister his voice has become, and how his cock swells and kicks inside of you at just mentioning it. 

But, it doesn’t. You don’t think you’ve ever loved him more, supported an idea as much as you did in that vert moment. 

“How’s that sound? Really solidify our love for each other, right?” Satoru pushes and pushes and pushes until you’re teetering on the edge once more. You know, that if you answer correctly, he’ll let you finally jump over. So you do. 

“Put a baby in me, Satoru,” you demand of him, words muffled by your face in the pillows. Gojo groans loud at that, eyes squeezing shut as he thrusts into you so hard that it sends you up the bed, the friction on your clit finally making you reach your orgasm. You cry out loudly, head flying back as Gojo shushes you, mouthing at your throat all the while your legs kick up and your toes curl. 

“And after this, you can make your dreams of being a stay at home mom finally come true.” You drown his words out as you cum, shaking beneath him as you gush all over his cock, long awaited after being denied three times tonight. You think its worth it, even though the back of your mind convinces you that you’ve just made a deal with the devil himself. 

But its hard to be upset when Gojo cums inside of you, filling you up to the brim as he groans into your cheek. His hips keep bucking and stuttering inside of you, fucking his cum back in when you feel it start to slowly slip out. He doesn’t let even a drop slip from around his cock, keeps fucking you and fucking you until you cry about being sensitive. Only then, does he pull out, but he props your tired hips up. 

“Can’t let any of it go to waste, right?” You can hear the grin in his voice, but you’re too tired to tell him you started birth control a few months ago. He rubs your hips and your ass, fingering his cum back in every time your hips shake from exhaustion. Only when you collapse on the bed, knocked out cold, does he let up. 

Gojo sits back on his knees to admire you, the fingertip shaped bruises on your hips, your spent cunt, your drooling mouth, your shut eyes, and wonders. Wonders how you’ll feel years down the line when—and if—he finally tells you how he got you back. While he made you think it was because he allowed you space and time, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

After your breakup, Gojo was always there. Always lingered around the corner, always looked out for you because no one else in this world would. Even if that meant scaring off potential dates, and getting rid of the more persistent ones. Even if it meant having to watch from afar as you tried to move on from him. Even if it meant switching out your birth control for placebos that you were none the wiser of. 

He just loved you so fucking much, and his love for you was stronger than anything in the universe, and he would do—and did— anything to get it back. Even if you would never know of the sins he committed to have you again. 

reblogs and comments are so appreciated! thank you all for reading 🫶🏼

[imaginespazzi]

Part 2: If Only You'd Been Here

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you (but ain't nobody love you like I do)

(In which a sadistic writer tortures her beloved ship a fair amount and maybe her readers too)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and maybe Fluff if you squint

Words: 6.5K (someone please be proud that it is in fact shorter 🙈)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good morning my lovelies <3 Just a couple of things I changed that you should know before you read. If you follow WCBB, you know UCLA didn't win the Pac-12 tournament in 2023 but in this universe they did. You also probably know they lost in the NCAA tournament last year to SC in the Greenville region but in this universe, for plot purposes, they're gonna be in the Seattle region. I kept their seeding and who they were playing vague because it was gonna get too complicated to figure out. Also if you saw my list of part titles a while ago, no you didn't lol. As always, feel free to know what you liked, what you didn't, and anything you'd like to see in future parts. And as you're reading, let's just remember y'all love me and everything I do is for the plot. Happy reading and have a wonderful week lovelies!

December 2022

The distinctly “car” smell of her car is starting to make Paige more than a little nauseous. Going by the way Drew is pouting in the passenger seat, he’s also clearly over it. They’ve been driving in circles for what feels like hours. At first, still enamoured with being allowed to sit in the front, her little brother had gone along with her ridiculousness. Now, as they approach maybe the 12th or so lap around the neighbourhood, he seems less than thrilled. 

“Alright let me out and you keep driving,” Drew says, fiddling agitatedly with his seatbelt, “I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Well hold it in,” Paige retorts unhelpfully as they re-round the block. She keeps her eyes focused on the road, ignoring the glare her brother sends her away. He takes in a dramatic breath and leans back onto his seat. She grips the steering wheel tighter as they pass the house again, still not brave enough to pull into the driveaway of a place she’d once considered just as much a home as her own. 

Drew lets out another groan, “I shoulda just stayed home.”

“Well you didn’t-” Paige’s reply is cut off by the sound of a phone call reverberating around the car. The CallerID reads “Azzi (DON’T YOU DARE IGNORE)”, a name the younger girl had plugged in herself with a warning look the day Paige had left LA. Chewing whatever dry skin is still left on her bitten-to-death lips, Paige clicks accept on the call. 

“What number lap is this?” comes Azzi’s exasperated voice and Paige can’t help the smile that creeps onto her face. 

“Oh you know my car’s feeling the need to exercise today,” Paige hums back, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than she had just a couple of seconds ago. Sometimes, she’s not sure how she managed to go a year with this constant heavy weight pressing down on her ribs, and no Azzi to slowly ease her out from under it. 

“Azziiiiii,” Drew whines dramatically, “please come save me. I’m gonna die in this car.”

Affronted, Paige splutters, “nobody forced you to come.”

“You begged me to come,” her young brother quips back and it elicits a laugh from the girl on the other end of the line. 

“I did-”

“Paige,” Azzi cuts her off, “just come inside okay? You’re wasting gas for nothing.”

“I- it’s just-,” Paige’s hands tighten even more around the wheel, as she stops on the sidewalk, switching on her turn signal, but still not entering the driveway. She leans her head against the wheel, overwhelmed by emotions she can’t quite name. Drew places a comforting hand on her back and she sends him a reassuring smile, trying to shield her younger brother from the havoc in her brain. 

“Hey,” Azzi’s voice floats through the fog, “it’s just me okay? Me and you and us. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

It’s like a child being soothed with their favourite binkie, that’s what Azzi’s promise feels like to Paige. She finally turns into the driveaway, and both Drew and Azzi cheer in tandem. The knot in her chest loosens just a little bit at that because the large crowds that scream for her make her feel adored, but this, her own personal cheer squad for her littlest of achievements, well it makes her feel loved. 

“Freedom,” Drew yells as he practically flings himself out of Paige’s barely parked car. She rolls her eyes fondly at her mini me as he dramatically pretends to kiss the ground. It’s a small distraction from the memories that are swirling like a tornado in her mind. Minnesota is home, it’ll always be home but this place, this had been her safe haven, something she could hold onto at a time where everything else was slipping out of her hands. And then, like a fool, she’d let go of it. 

The door opens even before they’ve made it halfway to the door and Azzi’s brothers run out into the front yard. Jon pretends to take pictures and José practically falls to his knees as they swarm around the blonde. 

“Paige, Paige, can we get a picture or an autograph please,” they yell teasingly, “please Miss Bueckers we’re your biggest fans.”

“Move over boys,” Tim Fudd’s booming voice hollers, as he swats his children away, “her biggest fan is actually me eh Paige?”

The girl in question nods solemnly, her smile stretching the full length of her face, and both Jon and José let out a groan as their father beams at Paige. And then Katie’s there, not a hint of anything but pure happiness on her face as she wraps the younger girl into a hug. Paige melts into the embrace, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. Because all she can think about is the hundreds of calls and texts from Azzi that she’d left unanswered, all she can think of is Azzi's devastated face as she’d told Paige about just how hard she’d tried and that wretched ache of i don’t deserve this i broke your daughters heart wraps itself around Paige’s  heart. 

Over Katie’s shoulder, Paige watches as Azzi finally walks out into the law, her cheeks immediately turning red from the cold. The younger girl winks at Paige with a radiant smile, before giving all her attention to Drew who almost trips as he excitedly launches himself into Azzi, tiny hands wrapping around her waist. Paige watches, still buried in the warmth of Katie’s arms, as Drew animatedly tells Azzi all the stories he possibly can and Azzi nods along emphatically as if she’s being told the most important facts of her life. And Paige takes a snapshot of it to add to her ever growing collection of moments i just knew. 

***

January 2023

“Call her.”

Paige doesn’t bother replying, burying her face further into her tear-soaked pillow. Maybe if she ignores her teammate, Caroline will get the message and go away. The earth-shattering pain that she’d subdued for the last couple of months had finally reared its ugly head. And that too at the worst time possible, when her team needed to be a source of strength and with cameras catching the teardrops falling as she mourned the loss of not being able to play in the epic UConn-Tennessee rivalry. She’d done so well at holding it in, breaking apart only a couple of times, sometimes alone and sometimes with Azzi on the other end of the line. Until tonight, when the bright lights and roaring crowd had reignited the itch to just fucking play ball. 

“Paige,” Caroline says again, “stop being stubborn and call her.”

“She has a game tomorrow, she doesn’t need my dramatic ass worrying her right now,” Paige replies, getting into a sitting position when she realises the other girl isn’t about to just let this go. 

“You’re eventually going to call her. The two of you haven’t gone one day without talking to each other since this summer,” Caroline gives her a look, a hint of a smirk play on her face when it tints Paige’s cheeks pink, “seriously, just call her.”

It’s not that Paige doesn’t want to. She’d scrolled through her contacts and stopped at Azzi’s one too many time’s tonight. And each time, just as her fingers had hovered over the green call button, she’d felt guilt claw at her neck. Since she’d shown up in LA, Azzi had shown up for Paige every step of the way, checking in regularly, listening to Paige vent her anger at the world and whispering words of comfort that only sounded true when they came from Azzi’s mouth. Sometimes, if she tries really hard, Paige can feel the ghost of Azzi’s arms wrapping themselves around her shoulders, just as they had that one night in LA when Azzi had held her, so delicately as if she was made of porcelain, through the worst of her breakdowns. 

“She needs to focus on her game,” Paige says after a moment. 

Caroline sighs, mind wandering to the countless texts on her phone from Azzi begging her to take care of Paige and to let her know when the blonde wasn’t doing okay, “I know but she’d want you to call her if she knew. You need her.”

“And where was I when she needed me?” it’s the word need that triggers it, the quick snap because it’s all Paige has been able to think about lately. 

Without basketball, she’d had far too much time on her hands and she’d ended up going down a spiral of watching Azzi’s games from her freshman year, something she’d religiously avoided doing when they had happened live. At first, it had just been this immense feeling of pride, seeing her best friend be the college basketball phenomenon Paige had always known she would be. She’d shoved away the envy of it was supposed to be us that immersed her seeing the way the Bruins celebrated their new star player, and just let herself be happy in her best friend’s happiness. 

And then something changed around at the beginning of January 2022. It had only lasted a couple of games, but Azzi had hit a wall. Threes were short, cuts were made at the wrong time and she kept on getting lost on defence in a way that was very unlike her. And all Paige could focus on, eyes glued to the screen, was how completely and utterly exhausted Azzi looked during that stretch, despite the fact that she’d just come back from winter break. The smile had vanished off her face, replaced by stress lines Paige wished she could go back in time and erase. 

It wasn’t until she’d binged through all the games, cheering silently as Azzi slowly returned to form, that the realisation had hit Paige. She’d been slapped with the memory of a store decorated brightly for Christmas and a familiar voice calling her name, as she’d purposely walked the other way, pretending she hadn’t heard and the more than deserved i’m done trying text that had followed right after. For a year, perhaps longer, Paige had convinced herself that she was the only one who had lost something, she was the only one who had a right to hurt, to break. And still, she thinks she’d take all of that pain again a thousand times, if it means she could erase the fact that in all of her self-pity, she’d broken Azzi too.

“Where was I when she needed me?” she repeats again to Caroline, as the brunette stares at her in confusion, “the answer to that Carol, is that I was anywhere but with her.”

Caroline’s eyes soften in realisation as she takes a cautious step towards Paige, “oh P don’t do this to yourself.”

“I want to call her,” Paige confesses in a whisper, tears brimming in her eyes, “it’s the only thing I’ve wanted to do all day and maybe- maybe I should have but I’m just- I’ve been so unfair to her.”

“You were hurt Paige.”

“I know- I know that. But so was she. You don’t- god Carol- you don’t even know the things I said to her before she left for LA. And she’s still here,” the first tears fall from her blue eyes, and then the next and the next until there’s a steady waterfall streaming down her face, “you know I almost didn’t let her in when she first came over this summer?”

Caroline doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to come sit next to Paige and wrap her arms around the point guard. 

“I didn’t answer her calls or her texts for a year and still, still she’s picked up every call, replied to every text I’ve sent her since summer. I know- I know I need her and she’s going to be there of course she is. But when she needed me, where was I?” Paige drops her face into her hands, “I just- I don’t deserve her.”

There’s a moment of silence as Caroline rubs Paige’s back and lets the older girl wallow in her guilt. And then she reaches for Paige’s phone on the nightstand, ignoring the little grunt of protest. When the screen lights up, there’s already a notification of new messages from Azzi and Caroline can’t help but smile. 

“I think,” she begins softly, “Azzi’s a smart girl so maybe give that tiny little brain of yours a little bit of rest and let her decide who deserves her,” she hands Paige her phone “let her be there for you. I think maybe she needs that too.”

Caroline gives Paige’s shoulders a little squeeze before heading out the doors, giving the older girl a moment of privacy. Paige sighs, getting herself comfortable against her pillows, and rubbing away her tears, before finally giving in and pressing the facetime call button. 

“Do you want a distraction or do you want to talk about it?” Azzi says as soon as she picks up and Paige can see the concern etched all over her face.

“Or maybe I’m perfectly fine?”

“Ah we’re playing the pretend game tonight. Should have cleared your throat for a second longer maybe Miss Perfectly Fine, your eyes are red as fuck and you sound like a dying cat.” 

“Wow, that was rude. Maybe I’m sick?” 

“With what? The “lies to her best friend” flu?”

“That UCLA education has you making up illnesses now? Damn Az, you’re supposed to get smarter in college.”

“You’re so funny, like so funny,” Azzi huffs sarcastically before they both dissolve into giggles. It’s always just been so easy with them. And Paige’s isn’t a poet, but if she was, she’d write sonnets about the sound of Azzi’s laughter, and the way it makes the corner of her eyes crinkle. 

“I watched the game,” Azzi says after a second, “and I saw you.”

Paige smirks, “so you didn’t actually watch the game, just stared at my gorgeous face the whole time?”

“There’s that comedian streak of yours again.”

“Hey you’re the one who said you were watching me instead of the game. But who could blame you really?”

“I didn’t-” Azzi rolls her eyes, as Paige’s cocky smirk deepens, “stop it.”

“You can admit I’m a pretty girl Az,” she teases, delighted when it makes the younger girl blush. 

“Fuck off, you have enough people telling you you’re a pretty girl.”

“Yeah but it means more coming from you,” she says quietly, biting her lip. It’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say to your best friend, at least not in the soft, wanting way that Paige says it. Except they both know that the lines in their friendship are far more blurred than they should be, even if they've both done a pretty fantastic job at ignoring that kiss. Paige had learned over Christmas that Azzi was exceptionally good at the pretending part, moving away the moment Paige’s hands lingered a little longer than they should, changing topics if they even got anywhere near addressing the something between them. It shouldn’t have hurt but it did and Paige doesn’t understand how she can so desperately miss something that she never even had in the first place. 

“So distraction then?” Azzi says after a second, changing the subject back to her initial question. 

Paige closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath, “it was just- it was a lot tonight. I didn’t realise I was being that obvious.”

“You weren’t. I just know you a little too well.”

“These are my favourite types of games, you know. The rivalry, the crowd booing my name and getting the chance to quiet them, that’s- that’s the type of game players live for and I just- I miss it Azzi. I miss shooting, I miss defending, I miss just standing on the fucking court sometimes. I miss playing basketball. So. Fucking. Much,” a fresh set of tears leak out of Paige's eyes, as her free hand fists at her bedsheets. 

There’s silence as Paige’s words linger in the air. In a way it’s freeing to be able to say it out loud, to just let herself feel how she feels instead of fighting them. 

“You’re gonna miss it every day until you play again,” Azzi says quietly, her own voice thick with emotions, “and it’s not really gonna get easier until you get it back. But when you finally do, just- just imagine it okay, your first game back. The feeling of the crowd. Dribbling up the court. Making that first shot as everybody loses their minds. Finally just playing the game you love. That’s when that feeling of loss will finally go away.”

Using Azzi’s steady breathing as an anchor to still her erratic heartbeat, Paige lets herself get lost in the picture the younger girl has just painted for her. She lets her mind run to the future that lies ahead of her and if she focuses hard enough she can almost hear the Gampel crowds roaring as she finally returns to the court. 

“It’s kinda really fucking annoying how you always know what to say,” no it isn’t, it’s the only thing that’s keeping Paige going these days. 

“Surviving an ACL injury will do that to a girl,” Azzi says with a pained smile. 

That’s not it Paige thinks, it’s not experience, it’s you and I really wish you were here. But she can’t say that, so she changes the subject instead. 

“Tell me about your game tomorrow.”

They both settle back into their pillows, getting into more comfortable positions. Azzi tells Paige all about her upcoming game and then moves onto another topic, then another and another and another. They’ll wake up tomorrow morning to phones that died and no memory of when they’d fallen asleep. And then they’ll remember who was on the other end of the line, and if that makes them smile a little too hard, well that’s just another thing they’ll pretend didn’t happen. 

***

March 2023

It’s only natural that when Paige finally feels like she can learn to live with just having a little bit of Azzi, that the world would show her just how wrong she could be. She’s been in a much better headspace these days, her knee finally starting to feel like itself again, bit by bit. The guilt of not being able to help her team is still settled into the pits of her stomach but even with that, she’s reached a sort of acceptance. And while she’s still struggling to fight the part of her heart that wants so much more, she’s learning to be content with just having her best friend back.

It’s that little bit of time in between conference tournaments and the NCAA tournament when it feels like the calm before the storm and it’s the first weekend since before the season that the UConn team finally gets to go out and let loose for a bit. They’re riding the height of winning another Big East title and even if it’s a little bittersweet that they did it without her, Paige is beyond the moon happy for her team. 

She turns up the music in her room and changes the lights for the sake of a little ambience, before sitting down at her desk, to call Azzi and do what little of her makeup she knows how to do. Normally she’d get one of the other girls or Kayla to do it, but she’d rather sacrifice a flawless makeup look then miss out on having Azzi tease her about how she still didn’t quite know how to do her eyeliner properly yet. 

The fact that it takes Azzi longer than the third ring to pick up should be Paige’s first warning sign but instead she’s sucking in a deep breath at the sight of her best friend who looks breathtakingly beautiful tonight. Paige’s heart stutters as she takes in Azzi’s face, the light layer of red lipstick (that Paige wants to kiss off), the blush-tinged cheeks (that Paige wants to caress delicately) and the perfectly done mascara on her eyelashes (that Paige wants to feel flutter against her own skin). 

She lets out a low appreciative whistle, “celebrating that Pac-12 championship in style huh?”

“Something like that,” Azzi bites her lip and really that should have been warning sign number two, “was there- was there something you needed?’

“I can’t just call you?” Paige asks, noticing the tension on Azzi’s face, “are you busy?”

“No it’s not-”

“She is actually,” a different voice cuts in aggressively and Azzi immediately gives whoever it is an exasperated look. Paige doesn’t know who it is, but she guesses it’s one of the UCLA players. It’s no secret they aren’t huge fans of her. They’d made that much clear the few times they’d met Paige during September, always regarding her with a wary eyes. It wasn’t their fault really, Paige understood their protectiveness, in fact she appreciated it more than they would ever understand. 

“Chill Angela.” 

“Are you not busy then?” the other voice who Paige assumes is Angela Dugalic says, clearly a little annoyed. And then Azzi’s phone is being shifted away from her and instead it’s Angela’s face that covers Paige’s screen. 

“Oh,” the blonde manages to get out, taken aback by the sudden change, “hi Angela.”

“Hi Paige,” the other girl says, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness. 

“Angela,” there’s a clear warning in Azzi’s voice and Paige already knows, even before the words are let out into the open, that whatever Dugalic is about to say is going to tear her apart. 

“Azzi has a date tonight,” Angela pronounces the last words with a gleeful lilt. 

The world spins and Paige’s head spins with it, as she grips onto her desk for some semblance of stability. She can hear Azzi spluttering in the background as she tries to get her phone back but it’s of no use as the UCLA forward powers on. 

“With a really pretty girl,” Angela smirks at the camera, clearly trying to prove something, “Zoe’s really wonderful. You’d like her, Paige.”

Zoe. Recognition registers in Paige’s brain. She remembers seeing the name flashing on Azzi’s phone a couple of times, accompanied by a photo she never quite caught a glimpse of. But as she tended to do with most phone calls that came during her time with Paige, Azzi had simply just declined the call and texted whoever that she’d call her back later. And so Paige hadn’t really bothered caring about Zoe, chalking her up to being some random friend Azzi had made. But fuck, maybe she should have cared. 

“And Azzi really likes her I think. They’ve been tiptoeing around it for ages you know? But we all knew it was only a matter of time.”

A strangled noise escapes Paige’s throat and she tries her best to disguise it as anything but the cry of despair it is. It feels like there’s a thousand knives digging into her skin, pressing harder and harder until she has no blood left to bleed. 

“They’re gonna make the cu-”

“Give me my phone back Angela,” Azzi’s voice cuts in harshly and Paige hurriedly rushes to contort her features into a smile right before the camera’s back to facing her best friend. 

“So you’re all dressed up for a date then?” Paige manages to get out and the word date sounds like bile on her tongue. 

“Doesn’t she look lovely?” comes Angela’s voice again; the girl seemingly on a mission to break Paige as much as possible, “give her a proper look Az.”

“Angela,” Azzi hisses through gritted teeth. 

“N-no show me the fit,” Paige counters, because that’s what a best friend’s supposed to say right? Show me how fucking perfect you look for a girl that’s not me

Azzi hesitates, swallowing nervously, before she takes a couple of steps back so the camera captures all of her. And Paige wishes she’d never asked to be shown in the first place, hell she wishes she’d never bothered to call tonight. Because she thinks the image of Azzi’s casual light blue jeans and simple green off-the shoulder top will be etched in her mind forever, captioned with the words not for you. 

“You look lovely Azzi,” she whispers quietly, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Zoe won’t be able to keep her fucking hands off of you,” Angela supplies and this time the glare Azzi shoots her is murderous. 

“I think I hear Emily calling your name Angela.”

“I don’t-”

“Yes,” Azzi says pointedly, “yes you do.”

Angela rolls her eyes but doesn’t protest this time. She turns to the phone with a devilish grin, clearly feeling accomplished in being a menace, “nice talking to you Paige.”

She waltzes out, leaving Paige, Azzi and a silence that feels like it could drown them. 

“You could have told me,” the blond says after a second, averting her eyes from the screen, “aren’t dates the kind of thing best friends are supposed to tell each other?”

“Paige-”

“It’s good though- you-uh- you deserve a night out.”

“P-”

“Listen, I uh- I’m going out too so- I- umm- I better get going but-,” Paige takes in a deep breath, “have a- have wonderful time on your date Az.”

She hangs up before Azzi can reply, the concern in the younger girl's eyes becoming too much to bear. For a moment, she stares straight ahead at the wall, just processing. And then she lets herself fall apart. 

***

It’s 1 a.m., Paige is drunk and miserable and so fucking tired; it’s an extremely dangerous combination. Aaliyah and Amari had practically had to carry her to her dorm because she’d been stumbling far too much and everyone was worried she’d eventually fall flat on her face. Personally, Paige thought they just didn’t have enough faith in her. She wasn’t even that drunk, she couldn’t be. After all she could still feel that stupid Azzi-sized scar on heart and wasn’t the whole point of being drunk supposed to be not being able to feel? But she has to be drunk because sober her would know better than to do what she does next, would know better than to call Azzi when she has no control over herself. 

“Paige? Is everything okay? Are you okay,” Azzi’s voice is filled with concern when she answers.

“Azziiiii,” Paige slurs, “areyoustillwithyourdate?”

“What?”

“Are. you. still. with. your. date?” Paige pronounces each word slowly. 

“I- yeah. She’s in a different room. Paige, are you okay?” 

“Interesting,” the blonde remarks quietly, “you never picked up her calls when you were with me. And we weren’t even dating.”

She hears Azzi’s breath hitch on the other end, can almost picture her doing that nervous swallow of hers, “ I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You didn’t care if she was okay then? Those times she called you?”

“That’s not- she didn’t call me at 1 a.m.” the younger girl justifies hollowly. 

“Bullshit,” Paige scoffs, “1 a.m. isn’t even that fucking late. Why is it so hard for you to admit you care about me waaaayyyyy more than you care about Zara or whatever?”

“Zoe. You’re drunk Paige, go to bed,” and Paige really should listen to the edge in Azzi’s voice.

“Where did y’all go?” she asks lightly, changing the subject, “c’mon Az, best friends share their date stories right?”

“Baltaire,” Azzi relents, choosing to let this battle go. 

“Oooh that restaurant we passed that one time wow,” Paige coos, “too fucking bad you hate fine dining huh? But she wouldn’t know that now would she? Because she doesn’t fucking know you.”

“Paige please,” Azzi breathes out quietly in a pained voice.

“But you know who does know you? Me. And I would have never taken you to some boring old fancy ass piece of shit restaurant like that.”

“Don’t-”

“I would have taken you on a picnic. Do you remember that park you loved, the one by my air bnb? There, that’s where I would have taken you. And I’d have gotten you supermarket sushi even though I fucking hate that shit but I know, I know, you like it. And flowers. Did she get you flowers? Because I- I would have. Roses and peonies and lilies, a whole fucking bouquet.”

And Paige is crying again, for the second time tonight, one hand gripping at her phone as the other one tries to wipe away the frantically falling teardrops. 

“And we’d stay at that park til the sun goes out and I’d take a polaroid of you in the sunset and I’d keep it forever. I swear Azzi, I’d keep it forever and I’d put it on my wall.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, as if it’s the only word she knows, as if it’s the only word that matters. 

“I’d bring my laptop so that when it finally gets dark, we can watch a movie. You choose Az, whatever you want. And I’d get distracted and start playing with your hair or something and you’ll pretend it’s annoying you but you’d be smiling. Fuck I love your smile.”

“You can’t- you can’t just say these things Paige.”

“Why not? It’s the truth right- why can’t I say the truth?,” Paige says petulantly, “but hush okay I’m not- I’m not finished yet. And then, then we’d just lie under the stars and it'd just be you, me and the sky. Perfect.” 

Azzi lets out a broken sob and Paige hates it, she hates it but she keeps on talking. 

“And then I’d take you home and I’d kiss you,” she whispers the last bit like a confession, “everywhere. Fuck, I’d make it so good for you Az. So good. Everything you wanted, everything you needed, I’d give you all of it. I’d make you come apart on my fingers and then my tongue-”

“Shut up,” Azzi’s voice is suddenly cold and frosty and it feels like all the heat has been sucked out of Paige’s room as well, “shut up, shut up, shut up.”

“Azzi-”

“No,” Azzi all but yells, “you don’t get to say all of that to me.”

“Then who does? Her? Zia or whatever? Who the fuck even is she?” Paige spits out venomously.

“Zoe. Her name is Zoe and you wanna know she is Paige?” 

She should say no. She should apologise for interrupting Azzi’s date and hang up the phone, but no, Paige doesn’t do any of that, “enlighten me why don’t you.”

“She’s the girl who was there,” Azzi says, her voice cracking, “she’s the girl who held me last year when I was going through the worst time of my life. She was there when I couldn’t make a fucking shot and I thought maybe I’d never be good enough. She was there when I let the pressure and the media and all of it get to my head. She was there when I was crying my eyes out over losing the one person I was sure would always stay. She- she’s who you were supposed to be because she was there, and you weren’t.”

Paige isn’t sure if it’s the bitterness behind Azzi’s words or the brokenness of her sobs that is the reason for the ache in her own chest. All she knows is that she still remembers tearing her ACL, and she doesn’t think it hurt as much as this. 

“It was supposed to be you,” Azzi sniffles, “I wanted it to be you. Because I’d have let you- fuck- Paige- I’d have let you take me on a picninc and if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favorite mac and cheese. I- I know you don’t really care about flowers so I’d get you chocolate, the rum-filled ones that you love. And that sunset polaroid would have been a selfie of us, where you’re kissing my cheek and I’d have it framed. I’d pick out a movie but first- first you could watch whatever basketball game was on and you’d get exasperated when I don’t know the team because I’m literally a basketball player,” she lets out a wet laugh, “but I know you secretly like explaining the NBA to me. And then- then I’d have let you take me home and I’d let you take everything. Whatever you wanted, it’d be yours.”

The vivid image of a date that never happened fills every inch of Paige’s brain. She feels like she’s in a bad dream, trying so hard to reach for a happiness that keeps on evading her grasp. 

“But you weren’t there then Paige, and you aren’t here now.” 

“Azzi-” Paige chokes out. 

“Go to bed Paige,” the younger girl says, her voice shaky but adamant, ‘Get some sleep. Maybe you’re drunk enough that you won’t remember this when I call you tomorrow.”

“Right. So we’re gonna pretend this never happened. Again. We’ll just keep on pretending forever I guess,” Paige retorts bitterly. 

“Yes, we will. Because if I stop pretending, I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.”

***

The buzzer rings around Climate Pledge Arena as the UCLA women’s basketball team loses in the Elite 8 on a last second buzzer beater. Azzi’s face contorts into one of sheer disappointment, and in the stands, Paige feels her own heart drop. She’s not one to root for a team outside of her own and god knows what would happen if Nika found out that she’d been screaming her head off each time the Bruins, or at least one specific Bruin, scored, but for Azzi, well, there’s not many of her own rules that Paige follows when it comes to her best friend. 

It had taken a fair amount of convincing on Paige’s part to even be able to come to this game. Everyone had wanted to leave immediately after the Sweet 16 loss but Paige had insisted they needed to stay in Seattle, do something to get the team’s mind off of the terrible end to their season. And that wasn’t a complete lie because even if she hadn’t been able to help when they needed it on the court, she could try and help boost morale. But she knew her teammates weren’t fooled. They knew the schedule just as well as she did and they knew exactly what or better yet, who she wanted to stay for. 

On the court, Paige can tell Azzi’s fighting back tears. The brunette had given it her all, scoring an efficient 34 points and really the game could have gone any way. That last minute heave from the opposing team really probably shouldn’t have gone in, but at the end of the day the NCAA tournament was a lot about skill but also a little about luck. But Paige knows, Azzi isn’t thinking about any of that, too busy finding a way to blame herself even though she’d had a near perfect night. They were just too similar sometimes. 

Azzi’s eyes flicker through the stands, clearly looking for a familiar face. Paige resists the urge to run on to the court and pull the younger girl into her arms and soothe away the defeated look in her eyes, if only for the fact that Azzi doesn’t actually even know she’d figured out a way to stay back for this game. Despite being in the same city, they hadn’t been able to spend nearly as much time together and while Paige’s teammates had tried to be of some help, Azzi’s teammates had seemed determined to pull her away as much as possible. All of that on top of the fact that they’re still playing that stupid game of pretend had left Paige wanting for just one moment alone for the two of them. 

As soon as the UCLA team starts heading back to their locker room, and the crowd starts leaving, Paige scurries towards where she knows Azzi will be. Their assigned locker room isn’t that far from where UConn’s had been and Paige gets there in almost record time, her mind firmly planted on being there for Azzi. She’d missed so many opportunities, but this time, this time she’d be there. 

Azzi’s leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and Paige has to take in a breath at the sight of her. Sweat sheens against her tan skin and her gameday braids are falling apart just a little but still, she’s perfect. Before Paige can take a step towards her, there’s another girl, all dark hair and long legs, brushing past her, rushing to get to Azzi’s side. It’s like the world has stopped and yet is spinning too fast all at the same time, as Paige watches this girl, Zoe, pull Azzi, Paige’s Azzi, into her arms. 

After the night of the date (and everything else they’re ignoring), Paige hadn’t bothered to bring it up and Azzi had never said anything about it again. Naively, the blonde had thought that maybe that meant nothing much had transpired after the date, silently patting herself on the back for possibly even having had a hand in that. Except, the way Zoe holds Azzi isn’t fucking platonic and the way Azzi relaxes in Zoe’s arms, isn’t fucking friendly. 

“I”ve got you Az,” Zoe whispers into Azzi’s hair and Paige wants to die. She should look away, she should walk away but her feet seem to be glued to the ground. And she remembers the way Azzi’s eyes were searching the crowd and oh- she’d been looking for- Paige can’t even let herself complete the thought because she’s sure she’ll burst into flames the second she does. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Azzi says quietly to Zoe. To Zoe, and not Paige. If she could feel anything beyond the dagger twisting in her heart, maybe Paige would hear the way there’s still a tinge of disappointment in Azzi’s voice, as if she’s wishing it was someone else. 

It takes Zoe pressing a kiss into Azzi’s forehead, eliciting a sigh from the brunette for Paige to finally tear her eyes away. Her feet finally move and then she’s running faster than she has in a long time, ignoring the way it causes her muscle to ache. She can’t tell if her rapid blinking is to usher away the tears or to try and prevent the memory of Azzi with some other girl from welding itself into her eyelids. It blurs her vision and in the speed of things, she can barely tell where she’s going. Paige runs chest-first into a wall, bruising her elbow. Her phone slips out of her hands, falling to the ground with a loud thud, the screen protector cracking into pieces. 

And when Paige looks at the mess of her phone on the floor, she thinks it couldn’t possibly have cracked harder than this silly little stupid heart of hers.

[sageandlily]

October 2023 favourite reads (Kpop boygroup edition)

🕸Hi! another month come to an end quite fast this year and it's the spooky season month, Ocrober. I didn't read that much fic this month because I got caught by a lot of stuff in my life and social media has been draining me for some reason. But, this month fic recs mostly in greek gods, mythical creatures and bridgerton-ish theme. Once again I always wish that both the stories and the writers (who are amazing, beautiful and talented!) gets more recognition and appreciation.

May November be an amazing month for all of you who came across this post🖤

Viewfinder (🔞Seungmin x reader x Lee Know) by @seospicybin

Absolutely love the dynamic between reader and the boys. What a roller coaster!

Collateral (🔞I.N x reader x Hyunjin) by @seospicybin

As somebody who currently trying her best to applying job in magazine industry, this fic really hit something on me.

Gladius Maximus (Son of Zeus!Bangchan x reader) by @neo-shitty

I'm a sucker for anything demigod or percy jackson inspired so when this fic came on my for you page, I immediately click on it and I'm not regretting it.

Star Lost (Son of Zeus!Bangchan x reader) by @neo-shitty

The sequel for the fic above.

Enemies to lovers (Son of Aphrodite!Hyunjin x reader) by @taelme

I just wanted to tell you how much i love this fic and you're such a talented writer bcs i re-read this fic 3 times!

Too Hot Too Handle (🔞Felix x reader) by @seospicybin

In conclusion: the title tells you all😵‍💫🥵.

The Secret Admirer (San x reader) by @edenesth

I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers trope and San is so ashuekwlfh.

For Me (Mingi x reader) by @hwanchaesong

I'm waiting for the sequel dear writer!

Patience (🔞Seungcheol x reader) by @fantasyescapes17

I'm in my bridgerton rabbit hole when suddenly this fic came out in my for you page and I am HOOKED.

The Siren's Call (🔞Felix x reader) by @petrichor-han

Just a beautiful writing also Felix as a siren?? i can imagine how majestic he is.

The Most Lonely Creature (🔞Yeosang x reader) by @atzfilm

Honestly as a Yeosang biased atiny, this was one of my fav mythical creature fic of him. I've re-read this twice hahaha

Project Omen (🔞Wooyoung x reader x Hongjoong) by @atzfilm

I just wanted to tell you how much i really like this fic bcs this one has been in my mind since i read it last August?? I decided to re-read it several times and it still got me. Kudos to you, such a talented writer!

Thank you for checking this post! See you next month🖤

[nilusanimationworld]

Since we're close now to get KFP4 updates soon...hoping next month (or april) I wanna talk/discuss about something(s)

So I was re-watching all the 3 movies & the shorts I actually realized & noticed couple of things 

Since we all know Oogway in the third movie tells Po about how he saw the future of Kung Fu the day they met right? And we see both Po & Tigress in his vision right? 

Followed by Oogway passing the torch (which is the staff in this case) saying Po is his true successor

Firstly let me start of by saying I love Po okay? Besides being Oogway's successor Po is definitely Shifu's golden student by achieving the Dragon Warrior title and all BUT here's the big question. Does Po also deserve to become Shifu's successor? Yes BUT ALSO NO! Po has got enough titles & credits at this point. Besides Po there is also one more character that deserves at least one title & that is none other than TIGRESS!!!

TIGRESS (DESERVES) SHOULD BECOME SHIFU'S TRUE SUCCESSOR!!

Before anyone decides to attack me let me just point out couple of hints given in the movies itself why Tigress should have Shifu's true successor title

Shawls & Clothing pattern.

Remember the whole drama & discussion we all had & still having about Tigress outfit suddenly being changed? I think I might've figured that reason out too. Both Oogway & Shifu have a similar green shawls right? Which for some strange reason I always thought it was the same shawl just passed down to Shifu after Oogway's death. But turns out both have very different pattern design at the back of their shawls

And SURPRISE BEHOLD it actually matches Po & Tigress. Oogway has almost a Yin Yang pattern which is Po who represents Black & White warrior which Oogway himself tells Po that he represents both sides of yin & yang.

As for Shifu & Tigress's case its the floral & vine patterns. What does the floral & vine pattern has connection to do with Tigress? Well if you watch all the movies including the the shorts her vine patterns actually are representing 'growth'

You'll notice carefully you see no patterns on her vest when she was a kid PLUS also on the brown robe which she used to wear as a teen which also closely represents Shifu's way of dressing since Tigress was desperate to become just like Shifu

But once she finally decides to unleash her real true strength after ripping the robe you finally spot a sapling like pattern on her vest indicating & representing she's finally growing & is out of her shell which later one as she grows older you notice her vine patterns also keep growing & finally her golden hanfu also has a little Lilly/Lotus pattern fully bloomed representing Tigress is a fully grown warrior of her own. Plus the whole growth theme fits very well for both Shifu & Tigress since both have come out from their cold shells & are showing more warmer & compassion sides

Po & Tigress are literally the next Oogway & Shifu 

Even their relationships!!

Despite Shifu & Tigress both question Oogway’s & Po’s decisions or plans they still remain extremely loyal & trust their masters. 

Heck! Not to mention BOTH Shifu & Tigress has watched Oogway & Po (sorta) dying into petals!! 

Shifu passing the staff to Tigress

Okay let’s just say GOD FORBID Shifu’s time comes to end there’s 70% chances Tigress could get his staff since Po has already got Oogway’s special yin yang one. Plus it would actually mean a lot for Tigress & something really special to cherish. Not only it would mean Tigress being the next master of the Jade Palace but also a way of Shifu finally able to express his feelings to Tigress as a father since both Shifu & Tigress aren’t too good in expressing in openly about it. 

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DREAMWORKS GIVE US ONE GOOD HEART WARMING FATHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT BETWEEN SHIFU & TIGRESS! PLEASE I BEG YOU!!

Plus if you watch the third movie Shifu actually looks completely shocked not expecting Po to get gand looking staff from Oogway. There could be chances that Shifu may have thought of passing his current staff to Po but after seeing the staff given by Oogway himself to Po Shifu might change his mind to give to Tigress? Or at least I’m hoping!! 

Also Fun fact the original storyline for KFP3 besides Mr. Ping & Li Shan fighting over Po whether he should become a noodle master & run his goose dad’s restaurant or choosing becoming a farmer & returning back to secret panda village with his biological dad. Shifu was also included in the fatherly fight as he wanted Po to be the next master to run the Jade Palace but the idea was completely scraped off! So fingers crossed Tigress is in the line on getting to be master to run the Jade Palace since Po already has enough titles & responsibilities to handle as Dragon Warrior & a Teacher 

And lastly Po & Tigress both have grown as warriors under Shifu’s training & Oogway’s wisdom. They’re both are perfect balance 

In conclusion! There is still hope for Tigress to also play a very important role in the franchise & I am PRAYING EVERYDAY KFP4 does justice to the franchise!! 

Anyways what are your thoughts? Feel free to discuss y’all! I really missed the whole pandom discussions!! :)