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[bobmckenzie]

genuinely makes me sad when people hate on penny from stardew valley 😔 BE NICER 🔫 OR ELSE

[dvrk-moon]

COOL ABOUT IT - JAY PARK

— synopsis: you came prepared for absolution, but were only met with what seemed like self-punishment.

— word count: 6.7k

— warnings: alcohol usage, cursing, bad parental figures

— featuring: jake, iz*one minju

— genre: angst, exes to friends, a bit of hurt/comfort

— playlist: cool about it - boygenius

— a/n: anyone else a jay lover here

The air was damp and smelled like rain as you hopped out of the Uber. It was a moderately humid April night, though a cold breeze wrapped itself around you, sending an odd sensation down your spine. It wasn’t a chill; no, it was more of a relief. You had missed how the air could leave you with this feeling.

The Uber bid you a goodbye when you slammed the door of the black car shut. You sent him a thankful wave as you started walking.

You were headed towards a dive bar: a dingy, locally owned, little shack that was a couple miles from your apartment. You’d been there multiple times in the past; in fact, the visits had become more frequent ever since you’d crashed your car — hence the Uber.

It was sprinkling. You let your eyes trail the sidewalk and saw reflections of the bar’s LED signs in the small puddles on the ground. In a way, the situation could be beautiful. 

Emphasis on could. It really wasn’t to most people.

More raindrops danced on your hair as you finally reached the door of the bar. There wasn’t a bouncer tonight; there hadn’t been one for the past few times you’d gone. For it being a dive bar, you figured that they just didn’t care about busting minors in there anymore. It hurt to think about in a sense: since when did this generation stop caring about the youth?

But then you remembered that no one cared for you when you were that age. You pushed the thought out of your mind.

You patted your hair down in an attempt to de-frizz it from the humid raindrops and look a bit more presentable. It was a dive bar, so no one would bat an eye at you for the state of your hair, but then again, appearance in general was moderately important.

You strode up to the bartender and asked him for a Vodka lemonade on a closed tab. You hadn’t come here to drink, really, but more to just enjoy the environment here. It was a sketchy location, the dim lighting casted shadows upon the faces of strangers and majorly kept you from seeing anything. In general, the bar wasn’t very popular, but you still had to keep a guard up, even if you did find yourself comfortable here.

The bartender handed you your drink after you paid and watched you stalk your way down a small, dimly-lit hallway towards the pool tables.

On nights like these, you opted against listening to conversations with others or trying to socialize with anyone new. Most of the time you had come with a friend, but this time was different. You weren’t sure exactly what it was, but tonight needed to be a solo event. 

Which was why you were headed in the direction you were. If you didn’t want to socialize, you’d just watch people play pool. They always asked you if you’d want to join, to which you’d always decline. They never seemed to mind when you stayed and watched the game, though.

You brushed a piece of hair out of your face as you entered the doorway of the pool room. It was yet again another dimly-lit room, but because you were familiar with the surroundings, you could still make out everything. There were four pool tables: each in a line starting from about three feet from the entrance of the room to all the way to the opposing wall. The noise was surprisingly quiet tonight.

You made your way to a stool that was sat against a wall at a high-top table. Setting your drink down on the surface, you scanned your surroundings. No one you knew seemed to be here, so you’d just watch the games, just like you’d planned to.

You opted to watch the game closest to you; it was being played at the second table from the entrance by a group of three men and two women. You had friends of your own, so you didn’t even feel anything like yearning towards the group of friends in front of you, not even wishing that yours were here with you. Instead you smiled at the fact that love is found everywhere. In its own way, it was beautiful.

You rested your head on your hand and let your eyes wander around the place. A group of men in the back of the room laughed melodically as their friend failed a shot miserably. The dark haired boy threw his face in his hands as his friends teased him.

If you had to guess, you’d think he just lost a bet of some sorts. Your guess was proven right after you’d focused your attention on the first game again; the aforementioned raven-haired boy passed right by your line of sight.

On his return, he carried three different drinks with him. You let your eyes scan the man up and down; he looked devastatingly familiar. It wasn’t the alcohol in your system, but you almost called out an all-too familiar name when you’d seen him.

“Y/N?” A question from a familiar voice cut through the crowd at you. Your hunch was right.

The voice came from your ex-boyfriend, Jay Park. Seeing him at the drive bar wasn’t something you expected, but it wasn’t a negative experience to see him. He looked good, almost better than when you’d seen him last: your breakup.

You remembered the moment as clear as day. Jay’s swollen eyes, his fucked-out lips that began to chap from him biting them, his messed up hair, his red face, the emotions, the words exchanged, everything. The sudden interaction hit you like a freight train, every emotion that you had tucked away since that time making themselves known.

You widened your eyes at his figure in surprise, swallowing the ghost of a lump in your throat. “Jay,” you breathed out at him.

He also swallowed and his face softened into a small smile. Jay began approaching your high-top table, drinks still in hand. You let your eyes trail to the drinks while his eyes were trained on you still. You heard another familiar voice call his name from the furthest pool table, “Jay! The drinks?” 

Squinting your eyes, you realized the voice had come from someone you hadn’t seen or heard from in many months, yet still, somehow, you recognized it like it had been yesterday when you’d seen him last: Jake Sim, one of Jay’s best friends.

Jay’s head whipped around to his friends. He sent you an apologetic look as he scrambled over to his friends. You assumed that the small interaction you two had engaged in would have been the end of it. A small run-in with your ex at a dive bar and it would be one and done.

That was until he approached your table again, this time with no drinks in hand, just himself. He ran a hand through his hair and stood across from you.

“Long time no see,” he smiled, hints of sadness on his face.

“Yeah,” you said, slightly awkwardly. It was weird to see Jay again. You’d done really well at not running into him for the time between when you two broke up until now, and a part of you had wished that your streak of not seeing him had continued. Every single feeling you had towards the man was rushing at you at the speed of light; you weren’t sure how to handle it. It’d probably be best if you just left. But a part of you wanted to relive the past and talk with him.

“Kinda dead in here, right?” Jay joked as he sat himself on the opposing stool very cautiously, “Do you mind if I take a seat?” You shook your head at him, nodding your head towards the seat as you took a drink of your Vodka lemonade, “Go ahead.”

He sent you a quick nod and scooted his chair forward, “What are you doing here?”

You swallowed the lump again, and laughed softly at him. Why else would you be at a shitty dive bar, if not to drink?

“I don’t know,” you offered, stirring your straw in your cup, eyes trained on it, not wanting to make eye contact with Jay. You let out a breath before attempting to make small talk, “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Yeah,” he laughed semi-dryly. He looked over at the pool table with his friends and then turned back to you, “but I’m here with people. I feel like that makes more sense than coming here alone.”

“How do you know I’m here alone?” You shyly teased him.

Jay laughed, “I can tell when it comes to you. I think you may have forgotten that I dated you for quite some time. Those kinds of things don’t just leave your memories.”

The confession felt like an anvil being dropped on your chest. He was right, he did know you extremely well. The two of you had only broken up a couple months ago, so obviously things like that would not have left his memory in the short time period. You fought back a frown as you responded, “Yeah. You’re right.”

An immediate silence consumed the two of you. Even with the background noise of the other dive-bar-goers, you still felt like you could hear a pin drop. You took a look outside the small window at the end of the room. Though it was mostly covered by blinds, from what you could see, the rain had picked up quite a bit. You brought your eyes back to Jay, whose gaze had never left your figure. He was yet again the first one to break the silence:

“Um… so how’s life? Do you still work at that flower shop?”

You blinked at him once before finding the words to respond, “Yeah… yeah, I do.” You smiled softly at the thought of your workplace; it was a little corner store that sold locally grown flowers. It was right beneath your apartment, so you could wake up and smell the flowers, which always put you in a good mood. You relaxed a bit, “What about you? Do you still work at that restaurant?”

“No,” he admitted, “I quit a bit ago. I work at a record store now, the one we used to always go to.”

“Oh,” you remembered, again finding your gaze on your drink. The record store had been one of the first places Jay had ever taken you, so of course you knew what place he was referencing. It caught you off guard with the fact that he was so willing to reference the past you two shared, for it was still a sensitive topic to you.

“What made you leave?” you inquired, looking back at him.

“Well,” he started, “I moved. The record store was way closer than the restaurant, and I hated the management anyways.”

“I remember you mentioning you hated it,” you said, nodding at him, “but I didn’t think you’d quit. Where’d you move to?”

“I have a new solo apartment about a street away from the record store.”

You nodded again, “Does that guy with the weird hair still work there?”

He gave you a genuine laugh, “Yeah. Somehow, his hair is now worse.”

You also laughed, recalling the odd man’s hair. You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and tilted your head at him, “Did you ever end up changing your major?” The small talk was becoming more and more relaxing as the minutes passed by. In a way, it hadn’t even felt like you two were exes. It was more like catching up with an old friend. The way the dim lights illuminated Jay’s features ached your heart. The rain outside started to rattle on the roof.

Jay swallowed again. His phone suddenly lit up with a text notification, and he opened it. “Shit,” he commented, locking his phone. He placed it face down on the table and brought his attention back to you.

“What’s up?” You asked cautiously, furrowing your eyebrows in worry at the man in front of you.

“Nothing, nothing.”

He played off whatever had occurred on his phone and shook his head at you, hints of being defeated ghosting the features on his face. He glanced back down at his phone.

“No,” you furrowed your brow deeper at him, “Jay,” you placed a hand on his forearm, gaining his attention again. You sent him a caring half-smile before asking again, “What happened?”

Jay shook his head once again, “Nothing… it’s just…”

You left your hand on his forearm, not going unnoticed by him. Your ears perked up at the sound of thunder outside.

“The guys left. They didn’t even tell me,” he sighed, “but it’s fine. I drove here. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. You knew it wasn’t your fault that he was left alone, but you still pitied him.

As if on cue, thunder struck again, causing the lights to flicker before going out shortly after. You didn’t expect the rain to have picked up as much as it did, let alone cause a power outage. You sighed, “What comedic timing.”

Jay laughed again, turning his phone flashlight on. He looked at you through the darkness, “I feel like that may be a cue to leave.”

You nodded. Looking at your phone, you realized that the Cellular tower nearby must have also gone out, because you had no service. You rolled your eyes as you hopped down from your seat.

“Everything okay?” Jay asked, copying as you did and getting down from his stool.

“I would lie to you,” you laughed, “but in this situation, I quite literally cannot. I have no service, and I took an Uber here.”

“Oh,” he said, “I can drive you home. I drove here. What happened to your car, though?”

“I crashed it.”

“Not out of character for you,” Jay teased, “but let’s get going. The rain is probably going to keep picking up.”

You nodded as you two navigated your ways to the exit of the bar. To no surprise, the rain had in fact picked up. It was pouring. You spotted Jay’s car to the left of the bar, grateful that it was as close as it was. As you approached the car with an urgency, you shielded (or attempted to shield) your hair from the rain.

Jay unlocked his car and you quickly sat in the passenger seat, watching the rain pound on the front windshield. You could barely see anything in front of you.

“Are you sure you’re okay with driving?” You asked, facing him. You were both drenched, even though you’d only been outside for around 30 seconds. Jay removed his wet jacket, took at look at himself in the rear view mirror, and then finally brought his gaze to you.

“Y/N,” he smiled, “I really don’t mind. I live pretty close.”

“Okay.”

Jay started the car and a soft flow of AC filled the vehicle. He turned on the radio, which was at half volume, so he lowered it to talk to you.

“Do you want aux?”

The question was simple, but it still made your heart ache for the man. You knew for sure that there was a part of you that was still in love with him, no matter what you told yourself. It killed you to know your past was over.

“If you don’t mind.”

You plugged your phone into the aux and queued a song that reminded you of him. He didn’t know, and you would try to keep it that way. He seemed happy now, and you were too, on the surface. The breakup was mutual. You had no reason to be sulking over it.

“Damn, it’s pouring,” Jay commented, his windshield wipers going at record speeds. He took a look at the time, it read 8:49pm. Sighing, he continued, “I really didn’t think it would rain this much.”

“Jay, it’s probably not safe to drive,” you said, looking at him as he put the car into drive, “you really didn’t have to drive me home. It’s probably too far to drive there safely.”

“Well,” he started, “I live close. We could just go to my place until the rain blows over, if you want?”

You contemplated before answering, “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind? What if your power is also out?”

“We have an energy generator,” he said, “so it should be fine. Plus, it’s only around a two minute drive.”

“As long as you promise you don’t mind.”

“Y/N, it’s you. When have I ever minded?”

You breathed a laugh out of your nose, trying to hide any hint of sadness that had seeped its way into your heart. Jay really was an amazing guy. You hated that things ended like they did with him.

The rain picked up even more as Jay pulled onto the road, and it was almost impossible to see anything. You worried for the man- if it were you, you’d have probably just stayed in the car and waited out the rain. He truly was a caring person.

The car ride to Jay’s new apartment was silent, but it was majorly a comfortable silence. You could still feel awkwardness leaking through the air, but you were just grateful that there was even a lack of noise. You needed to sort out your thoughts. It wasn’t necessarily a bad idea to go to Jay’s alone, but you were afraid you’d have a hard time not spilling everything you could towards him. You two would catch up as friends, and then you would leave as soon as the rain passed.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and attempted to push away the sinking feeling in your chest.

The car ride ended with Jay somehow smoothly pulling onto what you assumed was the side of a street. You couldn’t tell- it was raining too hard to see anything. 

“Here,” Jay handed you his jacket, “hold this over your head.”

“Jay, it’s okay,” you replied, not taking it. You tried to lightly push it back to him, “you should use it. It’s your jacket.”

Jay tilted his head and rolled his eyes at you, “Please just take it.” No other words were exchanged as you held the jacket over your head and shoulders and quickly exited the car, waiting for Jay to also leave.

He met you outside of the passenger door and spoke over the rain, “Follow me.”

You trailed behind his figure as he led you both to the landing of the first floor, then beckoning you to follow him upstairs. To your surprise, he was right, and despite the thunderstorm, he still had power. The whole building did.

Once you two reached the third level, Jay stopped you and dug in his pocket for the apartment keys. He quickly found them and unlocked the door to his apartment.

He opened the door for himself and beckoned you in, then turning on the lamp in his hallway. Jay walked to the room that you assumed was the main living space, where a couch that looked to fit two people sat. “Take a seat,” Jay offered, moving to the electric fireplace in front of the couch. You cautiously followed him and sat down as carefully on his sofa, positioning yourself as best as possible to not touch any of his furniture with your wet clothes, though realistically that was impossible.

“Do you want me to take my shoes off?” You asked, looking at the trail that your shoes had left with water from where you’d walked in the apartment. Jay looked back at you and shook his head, “You don’t have to. I forgot to take mine off too.” He turned back to the fireplace and within seconds, he had turned it on and it had started heating up the room.

Thunder struck again from outside the apartment, causing you to turn your head suddenly at the noise.

“I have a bit of a headache, so I’m going to turn off the lamp as long as that’s okay with you.” He said, getting up from where he was crouched in front of the fireplace.

“Jay, if you have a headache, I can leave-”

“No,” he responded immediately, not facing you. “Stay.” Jay paused as he switched off the lamp, then walking back slowly to the couch. The next word was much softer than his previous ones:

“Please.”

You felt your face freeze at his words and felt his presence sit at the other side of the couch. 

“Okay.”

You attempted to relax at the situation, but you couldn’t take your eyes off the fireplace. It was killing you to be around Jay; every single emotion you had towards the breakup had been pushed aside for so long. It would be impossible to ignore it all now, and it was. You tried your best to keep a happy front.

“It’s been forever since I saw you last,” Jay started from the other side of the couch. You could tell he was facing you, but you refused to give in and look at him. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you in this weak spot when you’d done so well at pretending you were okay. He laughed bitterly, “If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you were avoiding me.”

You finally turned your neck to look at him, catching him pursing his lips. You relaxed back into the couch, “Very funny, Jay.”

“I like to think I am,” he said.

“I know.”

You tilted your head at him, waiting for him to say anything in response to your comment. He waited a few moments before saying anything, “It’s really nice to see you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, it is,” you agreed, rubbing nervously at your forearm. It was a mutual break up. You needed to get your head in the game and not be willing to admit your feelings as easily as that.

Another silence fell across you two and you looked back into the fireplace. The crackling of the flames was inaudible in comparison to the thunder that was still making its presence known outside. Furrowing your eyebrows, you let your heart win, and sighed out:

“I’m sorry.”

Jay’s eyes, which were once trained on his hands, had joined his head in snapping up to look at you. Your words could barely be heard, but they cut through the excess noise like a knife.

“Huh?” He asked, taken aback. You didn’t let your attention leave the fireplace. Out of your peripheral, you could see that he had leaned slightly forward at your words, “You’re sorry? About what?”

“I don’t know,” you said, still not facing him, “everything, I guess?”

Jay scooted closer to you, leaning his head so that you could see it if you just shifted your gaze to the left of you. He cautiously put a hand on your knee, “Y/N. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I mean,” you said, finally looking at him again, “I feel like there’s a lot to be said. At least from my end.”

“You can tell me whatever you want,” Jay replied, a genuine look in his eyes. He removed his hand from your knee, “I won’t judge. I feel like you know me well enough to know that’s true.”

“That’s the problem,” you sighed, covering your face with your hands, “because that’s exactly what I’m sorry about.”

“What?” Jay asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “You’re sorry about knowing me well?”

“No, no,” you rushed to ease his nerves, removing your face from your hands and looking at him, “no. I’m sorry for knowing you so well but making us strangers.”

His gaze immediately softened and you saw him swallow. Jay blinked a few times before turning his face to the fire, “I appreciate the apology.”

A beat of silence followed. He turned to look at you before he started again, “I guess I should also apologize.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Jay. I initiated everything and it was my fault that-”

“I’m sorry I ever let you go.”

His words made your own get caught in your throat. You weren’t sure if Jay meant it in the same romantic way you did, but even as a friend, his truth still stood strong. You were sorry you ever let him go too, even beyond the relationship. But back then, you knew deep down that distancing yourself would hopefully make the healing process easier. And you thought that was true; until, of course, you caught sight of Jay just hours earlier in the dive bar.

You breathed a shaky breath as you tried to formulate your next processes of thought. As if a dam had been opened, feelings and truths that you’d withheld from Jay all those months ago during the breakup had come rushing out at full speed.

“Jay, it’s not your fault that we fell apart,” you said, feeling tears brim in the corners of your eyes, “it’s mine. I pushed you away. I should have been honest with you but I was a coward. And I ruined something really good. I- I just want to, y’know, apologize for putting you through that. Because you deserve better.” 

So much for being cool about it. Your voice cracked at the last sentence and tears threatened to fall. Turning away from him again, you pursed your lips and fought a frown as you breathed heavily.

“Y/N,” Jay started, grabbing the hand of yours closest to him to get your attention, “I want you to know that I never, never was mad at you for that. Never.”

Thunder struck again from outside the apartment window and yet your attention never faltered from Jay. You blinked at him twice, nodding at him slowly.

“That’s good to hear,” you said shakily, “but even if you were never mad, I still want to give you an apology. I put you through some bullshit because I couldn’t get myself together. And it’s not fair to you.”

“Y/N, it’s okay. Our past is the past. We had some great times, yeah? But you’re happy now, and that’s what matters. Dwelling on what happened is only going to take that happiness away from you.”

Nodding again, you snuck a glance at the hand of his that was still laid on your own. Your heart fluttered for a second before you realized that you yet again needed to get a hold of yourself.

“Can I ask you something?” Jay started cautiously. He looked worried, but continued, “I mean, now that the breakup has been months past at this point, I hope it isn’t a very sensitive topic for you.”

You shook your head at him, lying through your teeth, “It isn’t.”

He took a deep breath before laying the question down on you, “What happened?”

The two-word question was exactly what you expected him to ask, yet hearing it was like a tree falling silently in the woods. You, of course, knew that the tree would’ve fallen no matter what, and although you didn’t hear it, it still fell. It was just a matter of time before you discovered the fallen wood.

You swallowed the lump in your throat before trying to explain yourself, and as you told the story, everything came back to the both of you. An image was painted well in your minds:

It was about a year and a half into your and Jay’s relationship, around May. You and Jay had both just finished your second years of college. Jay had recently finalized paperwork for a transferring of universities, which would occur around late August.

He had received a scholarship from his dream school that he had applied for on a whim months prior to the acceptance. He, of course, loved the university that you were both dually attending, but Jay wanted to give his dream school one more shot. This worked out well for him, as he not only got accepted, but received a scholarship for the honors program. You both were beyond stoked.

The excitement ran through both of your veins for the first few weeks after the acceptance letter, but Jay’s seemed to last much longer than yours did. The school was seven hours away by car. With this information, there were multiple ways you thought of outcomes:

Jay would accept the scholarship, he would move up to where the school was located, and you would also have to try and transfer to his school.

This was ruled out almost immediately- you loved Jay, but you knew if you tried to transfer for him, you’d be sacrificing your own stability. With your financial state, the likelihood of you even being able to afford a school of a higher level was out of the picture.

So you considered another option:

Jay would decline the scholarship and stay with you at home. 

You didn’t even entertain the idea at all. There was no way Jay wouldn’t accept the scholarship; it was his dream school and the major was even covered. The odds of him staying home were next to zero.

So finally, you settled on what seemed like the final option:

Long distance.

To be honest, you were totally against it. Knowing how in-deep you were with Jay, you had no clue if you’d even be able to handle long distance. But even so, you tried to stay happy for him. It was really a dream come true for him, so to the best of your ability, you would act like it was for you too.

You still tried your best even when he started figuring out housing, which was when he left for a week in July to go to the college town.

It was in that same fateful week that you’d gotten news from your sister, who was the only person in your family that you’d been in contact with, that your grandmother, who had raised you, was in a critical condition in the hospital.

To say you had a simple home life would be the definition of a lie. Your life growing up was majorly normal, at least from what you were aware of. Now reflecting on that, you knew that wasn’t the case. Your father was deadbeat and your mother was in and out of rehab constantly. So, at age five, you and your sister had been sent to live with your grandmother.

At age ten, your mother had remarried and regained custody of you and your sister. Your new stepdad was the worst person you’d ever met, and he regularly abused your mother and manipulated her into thinking you and your sister were some sort of villains. Your mother ultimately ended up relapsing. As soon as you were able to, you fled. You found yourself hours and hours away from your hometown, and had no intentions of returning.

The only people you’d kept in contact with were your sister and your grandmother.

With the news of your grandmother’s condition and the lack of emotional support you had from Jay (as he was not only a time zone away, but also was extremely busy), your world began to implode in on itself.

You had decided to keep your family troubles a secret from Jay. Of course, he already knew about your past, but with everything that he was dealing with, you didn’t want to dampen his mood with your own problems.

By August, Jay was still riding his high and had found not only housing, but had visited the school many times. Meanwhile, your grandmother’s condition had only worsened. On top of it all, your estranged mother had tried contacting you, asking you for money. Your only support system at that point had been your sister; you’d still refused to talk to Jay about anything.

As a result, you kept distancing yourself from him, more and more. You started to get in your head about everything more as time progressed, with your brain being plagued with thoughts like ‘Jay is happy, and if I bring any of my problems up to him, I’ll probably just ruin his happiness’ and ‘my problems will only become a burden for him’. 

Right before Jay was set to move, you decided you needed to finally break things off with him. You knew deep down that it wasn’t really fair to him, but you had way too much on your plate to even consider his feelings at the time.

“So I didn’t want to become your burden,” you finished, breathing out a deep breath that you didn’t realize you’d been holding in.

“I see,” Jay said slowly, his eyes trained on the floor, processing everything you’d just laid down on him. It obviously wouldn’t be an easy situation to swallow, but with the heavy rain, you’d try to give him all the time you could. He licked his lips, “I wish you would’ve been honest with me, Y/N.”

“I know, I know, and I think about it almost every day-”

Your rushed words were cut off by him, “I would’ve stayed. You meant so much more to me than that scholarship did.”

“I-” your words got caught in your mouth as you tried to respond to him. You let a tear fall, “I’m so sorry, Jay.”

No words were exchanged as he pulled you in for an embrace and you just let the tears fall. You had desperately needed this closure, and unbeknownst to you, Jay did too. You were almost sure he had also let a tear or two slip.

Within the silence, you’d picked up how the rain had slowed. The once rumbling thunder had regressed into a regular shower.

You two finished the embrace and looked at each other. You cleared your throat before speaking, “I can’t explain in words how sorry I am for leaving you like that. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.”

“But I’ve forgiven you.”

You nodded, trying to change the subject. You wiped at the tears that had now nearly dried against your cheeks, and tried starting a new conversation:

“So, how’s the new university?”

“I left after a semester,” he admitted honestly, shrugging. You took his hand in yours again, not lacing fingers, but giving his hand a squeeze before responding to him, “Why?”

“I couldn’t imagine a future without you. Sure, the university was great, but that wasn’t what mattered to me. I missed you, you who were the only person I could come to after a long day, you who I brought home to my parents, you who my parents liked more than me, and you who made me feel like I meant something to someone.”

You were unable to form a response.

Jay continued, “It was never about the scholarship money. Y/N, I would’ve gone years in debt if it meant I spent those years next to you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. I would do it now, too. I came back for a reason.”

Jay laced your fingers with his and pulled you slightly closer to him, “Even if you never wanted to be near me again, I would be fine living in the debts of my past just knowing that I had you at some point.”

“Don’t say that, Jay,” you said, teasing him, “I’ll fall in love all over again.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Your heart melted as you eased into the fact that even after what you’d done, Jay still had some feelings for you. And you obviously did for him. You squeezed his hand again, relaxing into the couch, laying your head on his shoulder and looking down at your interlocked fingers. You brought your attention back to the fire.

Jay broke the silence, “How’s your grandmother doing?”

“Oh, uh,” you trailed off, feeling the lump reappear in your throat, “she.. um, she passed away. About two months ago.”

With no response, Jay released his hand from your own and wrapped his arm around your back, bringing you in for a more intimate embrace.

You stayed tucked in his chest for a couple minutes before breaking the silence again, “I appreciate you. So much.”

“It feels good to be appreciated by someone that you appreciate,” he said, looking down at you. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before speaking again, “I appreciate you, too.”

You smiled into him, “I’m glad you appreciate me.”

“You know who I don’t appreciate?” Jay started, suddenly fired up. You giggled at the sudden change in attitude, “Who?”

“Bryan.”

“Who…?”

“The guy that I work with. With the weird hair.”

You laughed, “Oh, I see now. Why? His hair is… he’s… got gusto!”

“That’s one way to put it,” Jay laughed too, bringing his arm from your back to your shoulders. He sighed, “He’s also just a dick.”

“No way,” you feigned shock, “the guy with the most ridiculous appearance you’ve ever seen is a dick? I can’t believe it!”

Your phone suddenly rung from the table in front of you, making you pull yourself out of Jay’s grasp and reading the caller ID.

“Minju”

It was your roommate and closest friend. You picked up, but sent Jay an apologetic look.

“Hey!” Minju called from the other line.

“Hi, Minju. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just wondering where you are? I don’t recognize your location. Is everything okay? Oh- am I being a cockblock?”

You laughed melodically at her realization but quickly eased her nerves, “No, you’re not. I saw an old friend at the dive bar and we decided to catch up at his place.”

“Oh, okay. Did you forget about our plans for tonight?”

You bit your lip before letting out a slow and guilty, “Maybe…?”

“You’re horrible,” she teased.

“I know, I know. We can still go, though.”

“Okay, great! Do you need me to pick you up?”

“If you want to.”

“Okay, be there soon. Bye!”

“Bye, Minju.”

You hung up the phone and looked back at Jay, “Sorry about that.”

“Everything okay?” Jay asked, tilting his head at you. You nodded, “Yeah, I forgot I agreed to plans with Minju tonight.”

“Oh, I see. Do you need a ride home?”

“No, I think she’s coming to pick me up. I appreciate the offer, though.”

He nodded, watching you sink back into the couch next to him. You craned your neck to look at him and said, “Thank you for letting me stay here until the rain blew over. I really needed this.”

“So did I,” he replied, craning his neck to look at you, “I’m glad we could have that conversation.”

You smiled genuinely at him. Pausing before your next statement, you let your mind wander. You swallowed, “Do you think that in the future we could ever try a-”

Your sentence was cut short by your phone ringing again, and to no surprise, it was Minju. You answered the phone:

“I’m outside!”

Minju only said that and immediately hung up, leaving you at a loss for words.

“Oh god,” you laughed, shaking your head, “I think that may be my time to leave.”

You stood up from the couch, grabbed your stuff, and watched Jay copy as you did, walking you to the door.

“It really was good to see you after all this time,” Jay admitted once you both reached the door.

“I agree,” you said, facing him.

“What was it you were going to say earlier?” 

His question seemed eager, and so you smiled at him genuinely. You grabbed his hand as you answered him, “I was going ask if you thought that in the future, we could ever try again. But I don’t think I need you to reply to know the answer.”

You let go of his hand, started opening the door, and got ready to walk out the front door. Within seconds, Jay grabbed your wrist.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

You laughed at him, “I was supposed to go see some friends but… I think my calendar is suddenly free.”

He let go of your wrist.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

a/n : i love boygenius. and jay from enhypen

[gwennybriggs]

Beyond The Classroom

Pt. 1

I don’t expect this one to be very popular, this is a self indulgent piece 🫡

Summary: Once a Little Eagle, always a Little Eagle. Melissa keeps that promise to you year after year as she shows up for you in every possible way.

Warnings: Child abuse, neglect, abandonment, over all sad stuff (Mel makes it better!)

WC: 3.9k

Notes: Wrote this because it’s the week before Mother’s Day and I just want my mama (she’s an awful human being and will never be a part of my life again, 6 years no contact). Melissa is a comfort character for me, so I’m using this as a hug from her. I know there are plenty of other people with bad relationships with their moms (gotta love mommy issues), so I thought I’d share in case someone else would also like this hug.

I see you, I love you.

P.s. This story is about 85% based on events I experienced as a child/young adult. I’m thankful every day for the teachers who stepped in to be the parents I didn’t have.

You grew up in a not-so-wonderful household with abusive parents and older siblings who wouldn’t have noticed if you had decided to run away one day. Melissa Schemmenti knew. She was the one person you felt you could confide in as a child. She called CPS on your parents a handful of times during the year she taught you, in hopes of keeping you safe. Unfortunately, with a broken system and a mother who could sweet talk The Devil himself, your parents got off scot-free, leaving you to deal with the aftermath each time.

You would go into school the next day with a new bruise and tears in your eyes. Melissa would hold you close and let you cry all you could before pulling a chair up next to her own so you could be near your safe person all day. When it came time for dismissal, she would hug you extra tight and send a silent prayer to God that you’d walk through the doors again in the morning. On Fridays, she would sneak a Tupperware container of homemade food and a handful of snacks into your bag with a note that said ‘love you, kid’, knowing that your parents restricted your access to food and that she was probably the only person you heard those words from most days. The world sat heavy on your second grader shoulders and Melissa did everything she knew how to make it a little lighter.

Even as you moved on past second grade, Ms. Schemmenti was there. She would check in with each of your teachers at the beginning on the school year and pop in to say hello at lunch from time to time. If you had a particularly rough night at home you would stop by her room and ask her to hold you for a minute before other students arrived. She always obliged.

The day you moved on to middle school, Melissa cried right along with you. Both of you knew she wouldn’t be able to hug the hurt away or keep tabs on you as often. Of course, she made sure you knew how much she loved you, she gave you her personal phone number and said, “No matter how old you get or how far you go, you’ll always be my favorite little eagle. I’ll always be here for you if you need me and I mean it. If things go south at home, you call me and I’ll be there in a heartbeat. You’re gonna be okay.”

As the years passed, Melissa made sure she remained a constant- the only constant, really- in your life. Through your middle school years she became your tutor, meeting you at your school’s library every Thursday after dismissal to help you with your homework. Of course, those sessions were always a little more than just help with homework; she would bring you food and make sure you had clean clothes and basic necessities. One time you let it slip that your mother had ‘forgotten’ to buy you toothpaste and she dropped off a small bag of Colgate tubes on your front porch that night.

When you entered high school, Melissa made an effort to show up for every one of your art shows and track meets. Your parents never even made it to one, but Schemmenti was there. She always was. Your high school teachers even began to think Melissa was your mother; you never corrected them. And when you started working at the hoagie stand your sophomore year, Ms. Schemmenti would stop by once a week to have dinner with you.

The physical abuse dwindled a little as you got older and were able to fight back, but the verbal abuse got worse as a result. At one point during you senior year, your mother kicked you out after throwing a fit about you not inviting her to see you try on prom dresses. You called Melissa and she drove forty-five minutes at three in the morning to get you. Your mother knocked you to the ground and pulled fistfuls of hair, creating a tangled mess. When you were finally able to get her off of you, she screamed at you the entire time you packed your bag.

“FUCK YOU Y/N, YOU SELFISH BITCH! Couldn’t even include YOUR OWN MOTHER! It hurts, it’s almost like not getting invited to your WEDDING!” You dodged books and trinkets she threw at you as you tossed whatever sentimental things you could think of into trash bags to take with you. Photos of your grandparents, your favorite stuffed animal, and some of your artworks made it in before you heard Melissa honking in the driveway.

“You’ve never been my mom,” you seethed with tears streaming down your face as you dragged your bags down the stairs.

She blocked you from leaving at the bottom of the stairs and backhanded you, her ring catching the tender skin beneath your eye. You yelped in pain and stumbled forward, she grabbed you by the throat and squeezed. “You walk out that door and NEVER come back, you hear me? You are worthless, a waste of space and air.” She dug her nails into your skin before she released you and practically pushed you through the front door.

“You’ll never have to deal with me again. You want me out? I’m out.”

Your father followed behind with his fists balled up, “If you ever come back, it’ll be the last time you see daylight!”

Melissa waited for you by the car with her baseball bat, ready to swing if need be. Once your bags were in the backseat, Melissa tossed her baseball bat into the trunk and drove off. Your mother chased the car all the way down the driveway calling you every derogatory thing she could come up with.

The drive to Melissa’s house was silent save for the occasional quiet aob from both parties. Once you arrived, Melissa took your bags inside and walked you up the stairs to her bathroom to nurse your wounds. You winced as she swabbed your cheek with isopropyl alcohol and she frowned. “I’m so sorry, hon. I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner to stop her.”

“Don’t be, you still showed up when I needed you. It coulda been a lot worse. Thank you,” you cried as you leaned your head against her stomach just like when you were a second grader.

She held you until your tears dried then left the room to grab a change of clothes for you. Moments later, she handed you a pair of her sweatpants and an oversized Eagles t-shirt. “You can take the bed tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch. My spare room doesn’t have a bed right now, but we can fix that tomorrow after I call out of work. You need anything before I head down, kid?”

You looked at the ground, embarrassed to even ask, “Would you maybe… would it be okay if…. never mind, it’s stupid.” You shook your head and climbed under the comforter, it smelled like Melissa.

She somehow knew exactly what you were asking without hearing the words. She climbed into the bed and lifted an arm for you to scoot in. “Of course, sweet girl, it’s not stupid at all. I’ll keep you safe, promise. Try to get some sleep, I’ll be right here.” You settled into her embrace and took a deep breath.

You whispered, “I love you, thank you.”

“I love you too, baby girl. Sleep tight,” she whispered back before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. Sleep was the last thing on her mind as she held you, watching as the rise of your chest slowed. She stayed awake the whole night, guarding your peace.

Late the following morning, you woke up to an empty bed and the sound of people in the house. You popped your head out into the hallway to see Melissa directing three men where to go with the new bed set. She heard the door creak and looked over at you with an apologetic smile, “Hey, hon, sorry to wake you! They’ll be outta here shortly. I called your school and work to let them know you wouldn’t be in for a few days so you don’t have to worry about it. I washed the clothes that were in your backpack, they’re sitting by my bathroom. There’s also a clean towel for you and a new toothbrush on the counter. You’re welcome to use my hairbrush and whatever else you need.” You smiled back at her and closed the door.

You picked an outfit from the pile of folded clothes and shut the bathroom door to shower. Your body was sore from the adrenaline and you groaned in pain as you shed your pajamas. Standing naked in the mirror, you looked over the marks your mother left on you. The nail marks on your neck were already scabbed over, but the gash under your eye was bruised and definitely going to leave a scar. You traced your fingers along each mark, tears forming in your eyes. The shower was hot enough to leave your skin red, you wanted to burn away any remnants of what happened to you. You sobbed loudly as you tried to detangle the mess of hair your mother created, it hurt and you were so worried that you’s just have to cut it all off.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Ya decent?” You opened the door for her and she gently took the brush from your hands. She directed you to sit backwards on the toilet while she worked at the knots on your head. You nearly fell asleep sitting there as she hummed and massaged conditioner into your hair, working diligently to make sure you kept your beautiful hair.

“You sleep okay,” She asked as she rinsed your hair in the sink.

“That was the best sleep I’ve had in a very long time. I haven’t slept in a bed in months, it was so soft.” You said it like it was nothing.

She paused. “Whatduya mean you haven’t slept in a bed in months?”

You sighed deeply. “They took my bed away because they said I was a whore and didn’t deserve one. I told them that I’m a virgin and they took the door off of my room, callin’ me a liar.” You hadn’t told her that detail when you saw her at one of your track meets a few months before. You figured you’d shared enough heartbreaking details with the woman, she didn’t need to be even more worried about you.

Hot tears silently flowed down her cheeks. She was angry. Not at you for not telling her, but at the low-lifes you called parents. “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me,” she spat. She was ready to call in one of her favors from The Tire Iron. “Well I’ll tell ya one thing, kiddo, you ain’t goin’ back there ever again. You’ll never be without ‘long as I’m around, ya got it? And you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you want, no strings attached.”

You choked back your own tears. “Thanks, Ms. Schemmenti. I truly appreciate you.” She wrapped your hair in a towel and you turned to hug her. “What would I do without you?”

“Starve, apparently,” she teased when your stomach growled loudly. She grabbed your chin to look at you, “And no more ‘Ms. Schemmenti’. You can call me Melissa, Mel, Aunt Mel, whatever you want, just not that. You’re family, kid. Now c’mon, I’ll make you something to eat before we head out for a shopping trip.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Her brow furrowed, “You tryin’ to make me feel old? None of that ma’am stuff either.” You giggled and followed her down to the kitchen.

She made French toast and sausage and you devoured the meal in just a few bites. Satisfied with you having eaten, she grabbed her purse, dragged you to the car and pulled out of the driveway. Along the way, she asked you to make a list of anything you might need or want. You took your phone out and looked at it for the first time that day. The screen was full of awful messages from both of your parents and extended family members. You chose to clear the screen and turn off notifications without reading them all and opened your notes app to jot down a few things you knew you missed when packing bags.

Melissa pulled into the mall parking lot and looked over at you, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, what happened?”

You rubbed your eyes and tried to fake a smile, “Nothin’, I’m just tired.” She knew you well enough to know when you were lying, but she wasn’t going to push you on the subject.

“Mkay, kid. If you decide you wanna talk about it, you know I’ll always listen. And you know I’d kill for ya.” She gently nudged you with her elbow and the two of you made your way into the mall. You showed her your list and she took charge, guiding you around to every clearance rack and bargain bin in the vicinity. You paid for the majority of your new finds, but she insisted on helping with funds here and there. Many stores later Melissa stopped for a bathroom break and you found yourself in front of Auntie Anne’s. Remembering how much she loved soft pretzels- she’d get one every field trip- you decided to buy two, one for each of you. It was a very small token of gratitude, but you knew she’d be excited.

When she exited the bathroom, she scanned the food court for you and found you sitting at a table with all the bags. She sat down across from you and you pushed the soft pretzel her way with a little cup of honey mustard, “Thank you for today. Normally I hate shopping, but you made it fun.”

She gave you an upside down smile and took a bite. “I’m glad I could be a good distraction for ya, hon. And thank you for this!” She clinked her pretzel with yours to ‘cheers’ the day. As you finished your pretzels in silence while people watching, a dress shop on the upper level caught your eye. Despite trying on prom dresses, you never actually bought one.

Melissa‘s eyes followed your gaze and when she spotted the shop she knew what she was going to do. “Hey, I know you said you normally hate shopping, but since we’ve been having so much fun today… why don’t we keep the fun going and go pick out your prom dress? It’s what, two weeks out?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I can’t afford it now that I’ve spent half my savings on shit I needed today. Besides, I got to do prom last year, I’m alright missing out on this one.” You played with the straw in your drink absentmindedly and took the last bite of your pretzel.

Melissa thought back to the conversations she had with you about how excited you were for your senior prom. You buzzed about it every time the two of you spoke for months, it broke her heart to see you resign to not going. “My treat, hon. And I ain’t takin’ no for an answer, I know how bad you wanna go. C’mon,” she said as she prodded you up and dragged you to the dress shop.

You spent about an hour browsing and trying on different dresses, even somehow convinced Melissa to try one on with you for shits and giggles. You pretended not to see her sneak a picture in the mirror of the two of you in the matching dresses, a sweet moment she wanted to remember forever. Finally, you found the right one. The a-line strapless dress stopped mid calf, it was wine red and fit like a dream. When you emerged from the dressing room to show her, she gasped.

“Oh, beautiful girl! My favorite little eagle isn’t so little anymore.” She stuck her bottom lip out in an upside down smile as she reached to tuck your hair away from your eyes. She took a small step back and asked you to spin so she could see it all. The smile on your face told her you made your choice. With misty eyes she pulled you into a tight hug, limiting your ability to breathe.

“I can’t… breathe… help,” you choked out. The redhead lessened her squeeze and apologized but didn’t let go, she needed that moment to collect herself. You stood there embracing each other for a couple of minutes before Melissa finally released you. Once you changed back into your clothes, she took the dress to the register and paid.

You walked out together and stuffed all the bags in the trunk, laying the dress flat in the backseat. “Thank you. For everything, Aunt Mel. For a few hours, it didn’t feel like my world was crashing down around me. I’m lucky to have you.”

She kissed her fingers and then pressed them to your cheek before she started driving. “I’m pretty lucky to have you too, kid. And I’ll always be here to pick up the pieces when you need me.”

The drive back to Melissa’s house was quiet, aside from the classic rock station playing the weekly hits countdown. You checked your silenced notifications to see even more messages and missed calls from your family, Melissa glanced over and saw them too. “If you want, we can change your number this week, that way they can’t bother you anymore,” Melissa offered.

“They still pay for my phone, I can’t. They’d cancel my service the moment they found out.” You shoved your phone back into your pocket.

“Then I’ll just move you over to my cell plan. They don’t deserve the power they have over you, hon.” You opened your mouth to protest but stopped when she pointed at you. “Let me help, please. Because I can and I want to.”

“Thanks, Aunt Mel.”

A few minutes later you arrived back at the townhouse and dragged all of your new belongings up to your new room, hanging up the dress immediately. Melissa said she’d help you make the bed and get settled once she got dinner in the oven. While she was working in the kitchen, you curled up on the couch and flipped the TV on, settling on ‘Rick Steves’ Europe’ reruns. Rick’s comforting voice began to lull you to sleeping and you didn’t have the energy to fight it.

Melissa walked in to tell you she was ready and found you fast asleep. Her heart melted at the sight. She draped the couch blanket over you and lightly tucked it in so as to not disturb your slumber. ‘How could anyone hurt something so precious,’ she thought to herself. After she tucked you in, she made her way upstairs to gather your new sheets and comforter to wash them before starting on the rest of the room.

She grabbed the basket of your clothes from her own room and began to hang them up in your closet. Once she finished the task, she cleaned out the dresser and filled it with your socks, pants, and undergarments. One by one, she removed her family photos from the walls and replaced them with the handful of framed photos you brought with you. She recognized your grandparents’ photo from the one time she had met them at the beginning of your second grade year, right before they passed. They were your best friends, you were safe when they were around. Melissa decided to place the picture on your nightstand so that they’d be watching over you every night. Lastly, she organized your toiletries in the guest bathroom and set out a fresh set of towels and one of her robes.

Satisfied with her progress, she took a short break to check on you, change over the laundry, and take out the lasagna. You were still asleep and she didn’t want to disturb you so she ate alone in the dining room and texted her mother.

-Ma: Hot date?

-Mel: Nah. You remember me telling you about Y/N?

-Ma: You’ve talked about her for the last ten years, yeah I remember. Is the poor kid okay? Her parents treating her like shit again?

-Mel: They kicked her to the curb, said she wasn’t welcome back. She’s staying with me for as long as she needs to.

-Ma: Of course I’ll set an extra place for her, Amore. She need anything? You need anything?

-Mel: She needs all the love she can get, just make her feel like family. I’ve got everything else handled. Thanks, Ma.

-Ma: We can do that. Talk soon.

She finished her meal and gathered the clean bedding from the laundry room, making her way back upstairs to make your bed. Once the sheets were on, she fluffed the comforter and pillows before opening your backpack to retrieve your favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Bunz. Even at eighteen, you slept with him tucked in your arms every night. She hugged the well-loved bunny to her heart and thought back to the day she gave him to you. Right before holiday break your third grade year, she pulled you aside at dismissal and tucked him into your backpack. She told you to give him a hug whenever you needed to feel loved and she wasn’t around to give you a hug herself. Little did she know, that was the only gift you received that year.

Melissa placed him in the middle of the pillows, like the cherry on top, and went back downstairs to wake you for dinner. She sat on the arm of the couch and gently began to run her fingers through your hair. “You need to eat somethin’, sweetheart,” she whispered as your eyes fluttered open. You stretched and sat up, leaning your head against her leg.

“What time is it?”

“About 7:30. You’ve been through a lot the last 24 hours, figured you could use the rest. I got your room all set up for ya. I’ll heat up your plate and we can watch a movie before bed. How’s that sound?”

You rolled off the couch and rubbed your eyes. “Sounds good,” you yawned. You followed the redhead into the kitchen and sat at the counter. She warmed your plate in the microwave and placed it in front of you with a glass of water. You demolished your meal like you hadn’t eaten in days, complimenting her cooking after every other bite. You washed your dishes and then made your way back to the living room, joined by Melissa. She turned on one of your favorite comedy movies and watched the light return to your eyes a little more with each scene.

Sitting there, laughing at the stupid jokes on the screen with the closest thing you’ve ever had to a real mom, with a full stomach and a warm bed waiting for you upstairs, you realized something.

For the first time in your eighteen years of life, you were finally home.

[aha-chuu]

Alhaitham and Kaveh's dynamic is interesting, because I've seen a lot of people say either "oh my god Kaveh is so mean" or "oh my god Alhaitham treats Kaveh terribly". But, quite importantly imo, in this quest Paimon remarks that she "doesn't know which one of them is more problematic".

I think when considering their relationship you need to look at intention. Do Hoyo want to villainise one of their popular husnandoes as a toxic asshole? No. Even the "villain" playable characters like Childe and Wanderer are nice/funny on occasion. Kaveh and Alhaitham's interactions are intended to be humorous, to make you gasp and say "oh wow I can't believe he just said that!".

Like, during the most recent story quest, for example. Kaveh accusing Alhaitham of having no empathy when he's clearly pretty emotionally stunted and decently moral is mean. But saying "At least I'd be a fungus with empathy!" Undercuts that - it's clear neither Alhaitham nor the player are suppose to take those words seriously.

Alhaitham dismissing Kaveh's field of work with "you work yourself to death just for a smile" is so belittling, but it's a retort to Kaveh saying his scribe job is at "rock bottom" in the Akademiya. Alhaitham isn't lashing out or trying to demean Kaveh in front of others (this interaction happens after the player has "left"); he's just continuing their verbal sparring match. I think people take this jab so seriously because it can be seen as a jab at a lot of people working out of passion, but in the context of the dialogue we're not supposed to regard it so deeply.

It's also fairly clear that nobody in game takes them seriously either. Tighnari says Kaveh is "as pent up as an anemo slime" in his Alhaitham voiceline - another funny quip - and Collei details how hard it was to suppress her laughter when Kaveh was talking about Alhaitham. Nobody thinks they're genuinely bad for one another, or that getting them separated is all that crucial.

Even the interactions in this story quest are just so silly and domestic: Kaveh can't get the painting straight, Alhaitham buys ugly furniture, they're arguing about rent and drink tabs, Kaveh is doing an unfair amount of housework and Alhaitham fucks off without entertaining his own guests. it's funny, or at least it is clearly intended to be.

I've heard that in the other dubs the VAs tones are different and it makes the lightheartedness clearer. Personally I've thought since their first interaction in the AQ that Alhaitham is having fun during their quarrels, and Kaveh is just melodramatic enough to act traumatised even if he isn't truly offended.

Then when it comes to whether their dynamic is supposed to be read platonically or romantically... Well Hoyo won't do anything canon, but it's hard to argue that there is no intentionality in how their relationship is portrayed. What other character(s) has an idle animation directly referencing their relationship with another character? How many other voicelines explicitly reference two characters as a pair? Nahida's Kaveh voiceline, Collei's, Tighnari's - I'm sure there are more. "Roommates" "senior & junior" "academic rivals" -> certainly there's a case to be made that they're just very close, but Kaveh and Alhaitham getting fifteen minutes of epilogue interaction in two different quests (where none of the content is related to either quest) says something. Fanservice, quite possibly.

Also Kaveh's line "We used to be friends, but not anymore"; I've seen plenty of people interpret this as "oh we're not friends, we're dating*". I think this is fun in fanon, but on a canon level it's basically a promise by Hoyo to fix (or explain) their current dynamic. Hoyo, for all their many faults, are detail orientated enough to follow up on such a line. Perhaps it will just be in Kaveh's voicelines/character stories, but I anticipate a future event or Kaveh hangout in relation to their bond. Nothing explicit, but more exploration. It's fairly clear Alhaitham and Kaveh are popular enough characters to warrant it.

All this to say: I have lots of thoughts. I have seen people call them toxic and (while idm the drama of that in fanon shipping) that isn't really the intended case in canon. Or, at the very least, the intention is not to to take their squabbling so seriously.

[cryingatships]

NorthSonic fic idea-

Everyone in x hunter is all tired after betting in the Epic NorthSonic Get Together bet that went on for a whole year after the events of Pit Babe, started and maintained by Kim who kept tabs on every development and in which everyone participated, including Jeff the self-proclaimed hermit and Babe, who like to stay 10 feet away from messy romantic relationships these days.

(Jeff had his future seeing powers wiped away with the magic serum shortly after the Pit Babe events so Kim allows him to participate. Tho Jeff regrets giving up his powers slightly after seeing the wagers involved.)

But it leads to nothing for literal months.

Kim is so, so close to giving up his detailed spreadsheets with times and dates and locations of where North and Sonic were seen together and everyone in the team is quite close to assuming that the alpha and omega were just v v good friends who sometimes liked to cuddle and nuzzle and share their bed and nest with e/o. It happens. They have seen weirder things. Like Way getting knocked up with Pete's child and marrying the man in the course of 3 months.

At this time members from other racing team have also joined, some under diff aliases, cause North and Sonic, the chaotic duo, were popular and well-loved in the thai racing scene, and there was no lack of hush-hush gossiping about the relationship status every season.

X hunter secret betting association (secret cause they want to keep it out of Alan's eyes, not knowing that he knows this already and has even placed a bet with an alias in favour of North and Sonic being together. Can't be caught publicly making bets about his team members, he needs be a responsible owner u.u)

Except the spreadsheets fall on North and Sonic's hand (or maybe only one of them) along with the wagers. By now the entire narrative has shifted, and most are betting that North and Sonic are not, and will not, be together ever.

The only people still favouring the duo being together are Alan (under his alias ofc), Kim (he swears he get couple vibes from the two), and Kenta, who is participating solely to support if bf, and a random few names from the other teams.

NorthSonic sees this, and like the gremlins they are, they see this as a lovely opportunity to make a nice, quick buck. Afterall, who told ~80% of the thai racing scene to speculate so shamelessly into other people's love lifes?

They laugh at how delulu people are these days, because in which universe would they fall in love and be together? Their laugh tapers off into silence and they stare at e/o's eyes. They turn a little red, look away, and a few minutes later together arrive at a wonderful idea—they'll place bets and pretend to get together for a month to snag the money.

It all goes well.

They turn out to be very good actors—turning their usual cuddles, back hugs etc a little longer and posting pics of them visiting places together like always, except this time they stand a little closer and put heart emojis and kissing faces when they post and tag e/o.

Then they start occasionally dropping a kiss or two on the other's cheeks, forehead or lips. What's a little kissing between homies, right?

Then they both start bringing each other random gifts and flowers, red roses and perfumes and all that glitz that online magazines will heap praises on them for.

It's nice. Too nice.

They both start realizing that maybe they like the more than a homie. It's slow. But it's there. North and Sonic both feel shy yet can't stop cause BAHTS.

The deadline for the bet arrive and they (along with Kim, Kenta and Alan) have a very, very happy day.

They have a nice dinner at a nice beachside restaurant in Pattaya as an ending celebration for their successful, month-long fake relationship while sipping fancy imported wine.

Then they go to a beachside bar, like they do after every successful race, and get drunk off their asses. They stumble back to the hotel, fall on the large bed of their suite (cause why pay for two suites when you can share one with your homie?)

They make good use of the nice, soft, large hotel bed.

They wake up in the morning and find themselves staring at e/o and smile and decide to not talk about it.

They go back to Bangkok together in one car.

North drives Sonic to his house and go to Alan's himself, where he stumbles into the team-uncle's arms, ignoring Jeff's very concerned glances, and is escorted (more like dragged) to a room by Alan, who then shuts the door after him, telling Jeff to not worry, he can take care of it.

Alan gets a call and leaves the room. Some time passes, during which North completely panics and wonders if his friendship will ever be salvageable, if he can ever look at Sonic as a friend, if he wants to look at Sonic as a friend, would Sonic ever look at him as someone more than a friend, why would Sonic never look at him as someone more than a friend, why is Sonic so pretty, why does Sonic have the prettiest eyes, Why does Sonic look so hot when he's moaning and telling North to fuck him harder, why is Sonic so nice and soft and cute and small for an alpha, would Sonic ever knot him, how would Sonic help him through his heats if he were his boyfriend, why did he never realize how much he loves Sonic, why is he not dating Sonic anymore, why did he not confess when he had the chance, why was he so greedy for money, is not getting to date Sonic the retribution for being so sinfully greedy about Money-

Alan comes back right then as he's spiralling out of control.

He offers North an ibruprofen, a bottle of water, and a long, long hug during which he pats the boy and tells him it will be ok as the omega wets his shirt with tears and snot. (Alan cringes only a little. He's quite used to it by now.)

He gives North a short speech about the importance of communication, and another about birth control and safe sex. North splutters at the later one and mournfully says that it's useless, Uncle should save his breath.

Alan smiles mysteriously and leaves the room.

Fifteen minutes later Sonic is pushed into the room by Alan and the door bangs close, leaving two of them in the room.

(Alan smiles at Jeff's raised eyebrows and says it'll all work out. He was the one who talked Sonic into coming here, he knows his boys and he knows they are finally ready to take their heads off their asses.)

When the door is opened 2 hours later (because Alan can not possibly starve his boys, no matter how much he wants them to talk it out), the couch and the table in the room have already been sullied. The bed would have been next, and also Alan's eyes, but North and Sonic were a little too too tired by then.

Alan is sad for his furniture, but it comes with the two dumbasses in his team finally sorting themselves out and making Alan worry less, so it's a worthy trade. And he also has the money from the bet :)

The rest of the team only knows much, much later, thanks to a slip of tongue from Jeff while talking with Charlie, who tells Babe, and the secret is out.

Kim is very happy and by proxy Kenta is too, but the rest are a little miffed. They get over it soon after seeing how happy North and sonic are.

The secret is never spilled out of the team, however, because even Kim, with his cute korean looks and winning smile can't keep it down if ~70% of the thai racing scene starts yelling at him for unofficial fraud. And also cause he, and NorthSonic really like their profits from the bet.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Its an early Thursday morning. 6:00am, on the dot. I’m waking up at this hour because I’ve accidentally become slightly nocturnal again, and had fallen asleep at about 7pm the night before. No matter, I think as I chase away the last remnants of sleep. Time to check the news.

Its there, at the top of the Twitter trending tab, that I see it: 

BREAKING: Buckingham Palace says Queen Elizabeth II is under medical supervision because doctors are "concerned for Her Majesty’s health." 

Many of the Royal Family are at her side. The people of the United Kingdom are preparing for the worst. I feel adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Tumblr, I think in a moment of hysteria. I must go to Tumblr. They must be in a state of euphoria over the news.

I head over to Tumblr.

I check the trending page, expecting “Queen Elizabeth” or “down with the monarchy” or something of the sort to be at the #1 spot on the tab.

Surely, at the very least, “crab rave”

Right?

...

I stare blankly at my screen. I am in a state of shock. Too stunned to speak, some may say.

How? I beseech. How is this trending over the Queen of England’s health scare? The one that may very well cause of the end of the British monarchy as we know it?!

But I’ve been on this Hellsite longer than I’ve been able to formulate intelligent thoughts. I know they wouldn’t trend Undertale this high for no reason. And if its a new Deltarune update, well, I certainly can’t complain. I am a fan of the franchise, after all.

So I check the Undertale tag.

“AND WITH THAT, SANS UNDERTALE HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN CROWNED ULTIMATE TUMBLR SEXYMAN”

As the Sisters Moirai would have it, I had peacefully slept through a war. A war of ultimate consequence, that would decide the fate of two illustrious*, two remarkably renown communities, nay, kingdoms, over who could win perhaps the greatest, most dangerous prize. A prize which has spilt endless miles of bloodshed in its pursuit, which has devastated entire lands, decimated people in both mind and body until they were completely and utterly unrecognizable.

The prize, the title, of who was to be... the Ultimate Tumblr Sexyman.

The contenders: Sans the Skeleton of the hit RPG “Undertale” and Reigen Arataka from the popular shonen anime “Mob Psycho 100”

As it was transcribed, the battle had met many close encounters, but in the end, Sans the Skeleton would come to win the crown and claim victory over Reigen by a total of 420 votes (i shit you not it was 420 votes exactly i cannot believe you assholes managed to get it by 420 votes yall are actual meme trash and i am both disgusted and awe inspired by your cursed efforts)

Though I was unable to experience the spectacle myself, I had bore direct witness to the fallout. The internet now had an abundance of Super Smash-like fan content of Sans and Reigen engaged in combat, and there was an apparent brief rise in S̵͖̫̿̌ạ̸̛̎̚n̶͔͈͗͂̄s̷͉̚m̴͌͋͜͝a̴̻͚̺͛͆ē̶̤̔͗d̶̛̖̰͒͊a̷͙̜͙̾͗. Toby Fox himself has gotten involved by using Twitter to publish fanfiction. That was perhaps the hardest for me to accept.

Thus, it was on September 7 of the year 2022 that the battle of Sans vs Reigen had occurred and concluded. From what I had heard, it was a legendary event that would be seared into the minds of every Tumblrina, and forever remembered throughout the tales of human history.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took more psychic damage waking up to all of this than I did the day my father ended up in hospice after having a stroke on a school day so thanks for that and have a good one

* “well known, respected, and admired for past achievements”; yes I knew some of you would struggle with this one

[yoonzinhoe]

pretty u ; vernon x reader

DETAILS theme: kilig, confession, fluff....just so much fluff,,,, au: college students, upperclassman!vernon, sophomore!reader ___

"Let's go out tonight?"

You shot your roommate a 'really?' look. "In the middle of the week before the week of exams, really?"

"I seriously want you to say that sentence and hear yourself again," she retaliated, rolling her eyes. "You're always in here lately,” she groaned, “you need a life!"

You shook your head, turning your head back to you readings. Your roommate, Kim always had it easy, being smart and all, even if she crammed the night before the test she'd probably still end up on top, or she wouldn't, well, either top or second top.

Regardless, it'd be better not to lose 3rd place, so—

Clack.

Your thoughts where interrupted by a faint tap coming from your university dorm window.  Kim put her eyeliner pen down, sending a look over to the window and then to you, which you responded to with a shrug and a dismissive wave.

Her shoulders fell with a short sigh, walking towards the window. You noticed her eyes widen and a smile slowly form on her face as she tilted her head towards you as if she knew a secret.

"Dude, what?" You deadpanned.

Putting a hand on her mouth and the other on her hip, she replied teasingly, "Oh my God, you're gonna love this."

With yet another eyeroll you finally got off your desk, shutting your readings close and walking towards Kim. "Are you kidding me right now? I have like a paper due tomorrow and org work to finish and oh my God you're not even listeni—" you felt her fingertips on your chin as she groaned and forced your gaze out the window and down to the pavement, where a trio of upperclassmen in your department stood playfully gazing  back— two of them on bicycles and one without.

You recognized the one without a bike first— Lee Chan, a blockmate of yours. Chan was known to many as ‘Dino’ so as not to confuse him with another Lee Chan in your grade. He always seemed to be surrounded by upperclassmen (they’re friends maybe?) and you remembered feeling sorry for him most of the time because he was probably being bullied for lunch money or homework answers or some other ridiculous crap. He was nice and friendly, though.

Boo Seungkwan made circles around him, poking him in the ribs occasionally to piss him off. Seungkwan was popular for his event hosting skills. Oftentimes he was selected to conduct culminating activities, but he was more oftenly requested to sing.

When Seungkwan finally got out of the way you met eyes with Choi Hansol.

Vernon.

An upperclassman of yours who was often seen reading in the library either dead alone or with 12 other people messing around him. There was no in between.

Vernon was always kind to you— you knew each other from the Literature Club and the English Society Organization along with Hong Joshua. There were multiple occasions wherein Vernon would come to your dorm or approach you at lunch to notify you of what you missed during the meetings you'd skip due to org overload, and even more occasions where he'd just recommend a good book.

It was funny. Anyone who had ever talked to Vernon could always confirm that he wasn't a talker. He wasn't necessarily antisocial but he was just a little more quiet when he wasn't with his friends. However your encounters with Vernon were always different, though, and you could complain about how he could talk your ear off if he really wanted to.

If you didn’t enjoy his chatterbox self, at least.

He waved at you, gesturing for you to come downstairs, and you smiled.

Kim smiled, turning her head, quirking a brow, and scoffing teasingly, "Oh my God??"

"Shut up Kim," you retaliated, clipping your hair up and putting on your university hoodie. You grabbed some tinted sunscreen and lipbalm to apply on the way down.

"I'm in literal tears you like him so much," Kim cackled, racing you to the door to milk the moment.

"Shut up actually!" you yelled back, swiping your phone off the dining table of your dorm. You turned to Kim, "I'll be back in a bit,"

"Take your time," she chortled with a shrug and surrendering hands,.

As the door shut behind you you couldn't stop the smile building up on your face any longer, looking forward to maybe another book recommendation or something-- to be honest, you felt kind of happy to see him out of the blue. Running down the stairs, you spread a drop of the sunscreen on your face before lightly patting to lock it in, hurriedly smoothing the lipbalm over your lips. 

You made sure to quickly check your reflection in the mirrored glass surface before you opened up the door, only to be greeted by Vernon's sweet smile, he looked up shyly, "Hi."

"Hi, what's up?" you replied nonchalantly and totally not out of breath at all. You noticed Dino snicker behind him before Seungkwan pushed him away, hitting him with the palm of his hand ("Ah! Ah! Hyung what the hell?!" he'd yell, "We talked about this earlier?? Literally go! Go, go already!").

Vernon glanced at them and then you, gesturing to go somewhere. "Come with me to the playground?"

You smiled, eyebrows raised and a shiver down your spine, “In this cold? How do I know you aren’t going to kill me or something.”

"I think you know what I have to lose if I did that." He chuckled before swinging a leg over his bike, "Hop on," 

You looked away, embarrassed, before seating yourself behind him on his bike. "Hold onto me," he said, not even daring to look at you. You snaked your arms around his torso and you felt him tense up. "All good?"

"Yeah." You smiled, “let’s go.”

When you got to the park, you headed over to the swings-- the afternoon was cold and the sun was only setting, the golden rays feeling refreshing on your face. 'Maybe I should go out tonight, what's the harm?' you thought to yourself, the weather was so nice anyway. 

You noticed Vernon walking over to you with coffee milk in one hand and redbean bao in the other. Two of each. "What's this?" you tilted your head as he offered one pair to you.

He crouched down in front of you. "Kim told me you've been busy with school lately." he said, eyes meeting yours.

"Yeah, week before the week of exams, you know," you replied, taking a bite out of the bao. Still hot. You blew some of the air out your mouth to cool down, "Can't study too hard."

Vernon stood up, looking towards the sunlight. You watched his hair dance with the breeze-- his face painted with a golden yellow shimmer that made him mistakable for a painting. "Don't work too hard,” he said, crouching to meet your eyes as he halted your swinging.

Taken aback, you flinched. "What?" 

He looked down at you, and then away.

"You tend to overwork yourself often and you end up skipping meals. You should remember to look after yourself and take a break sometimes,"

"Is that what you're here for?" you laughed, "To remind me?"

The right edge of his lips curled slightly, “You just won’t let me be cute, huh?”

“Huh?”

"I have something to tell you," he sighed, cutting you off quickly. You could tell he was nervous.

"Yes?"

"I want to make sure you're safe and healthy. I want to remind you to take breaks and be there for you when you need help or anything at all. I want to treat you to breakfast, lunch, dinner, the movies," he paused to look up, like he was scared of the next few words, "I've never felt like this before-- so compelled to be close to someone like this." he maintained eye contact steadily, taking a breath.

"Don't take this the wrong way but I can't see anything but you," he held onto the tip of your chin, lifting it and causing you to look at him, "I just can't get enough,"

"I want to pick up all the pretty words and give them to you," he pulls you closer, "I promise myself every morning-- I promise I'll tell you what I've always wanted so say--", your eyes meet and he silently asks for permission. You grant it. "You're so pretty." he finishes and you feel him pull your chin towards his face before your lips are on his own.

[heartsfromia]

try again — l. seokmin

pairing: non-idol! seokmin x reader

word count: 1,745

genre: fluff, minor angst

warnings: nothing

author's notes: yes i do imagine seokmin looking as fine as the pic set above in this :)

You hated reunions.

Alright, hate might a strong word, but you had an obvious distaste towards events that are just a get-together to show off how much money and assets you have obtained since the last time you had met the people you obviously didn't care about. You found reunions to be a waste of time; it wasn't necessary to have an entire event catered to some sort of "whose life is better" contest.

Don't get it wrong, you weren't a complete outcast in high school, but you had a small circle that if you wanted to meet them, you would. You didn't need a reunion to do that.

However, Mingyu didn't like the idea of you spending your Saturday night alone in your apartment with your kitten, when you could go to your high school reunion after 5 years since your graduation.

"I have better things to do, Mingyu," you tried to convince your best friend. He, however, wasn't convinced with his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at you with a questioning brow, as if to ask "what?". You rubbed at your neck, shrugging, "I planned on rewatching Game of Thrones."

"You can do that some other time, Y/N, come on, don't you miss our friends?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "More like your friends, you were always the more popular one."

Mingyu only rolled his eyes, heading over to your closet to find something representable to wear. The reunion was tomorrow, and without your permission, he already signed you up and even went as far as to pay for your entry ticket since he knew you wouldn't bother to pay for it.

You groaned, rolling onto your back as you watched Mingyu rommage through your things. "I really don't want to go, Mingyu, it's such a waste of time to meet people I don't care about, you know?"

He spun around quickly, locking eyes with you, "Even your ex? Even Seokmin?"

You sprung up from where you lied, turning to Mingyu with your eyebrows knitted together. "Seokmin?"

He nodded, turning back around to pull out a leather jacket from your closet. "Seokmin told me he was considering going—said something about our schedules being too busy, so this might be the only time we get to meet after a while." He walked over to the edge of your bed, dropping an array of clothing pieces.

"'We'?"

"Him, Minghao and I," he stated, eyes not moving from the clothing pieces. "I think red might look good on you, Y/N."

"Are you sure he's going?"

"He's considering, but who knows, his schedule is the most packed, even for weekends," Mingyu explained, before facing you to ask, "wait, do you still keep tabs on him?"

"Pfft… of course not," you lied, avoiding his sharp gaze. Of course he wasn't convinced, but he didn't need an explanation. Of course you kept tabs on the one ex you've had that wasn't a complete psycho. Despite already deactivating your main social media accounts, you used burner accounts to see how Seokmin was doing every once in a while. The midnight stalking hitting worse whenever you break off a relationship with past boyfriends that, in your opinion, were nothing like Seokmin.

He was the perfect boyfriend, after all. You were incredibly grateful to have him as your boyfriend, making your relationship with him that off the books—you were high school sweethearts.

However, much like high school sweethearts, it started in high school and ended in high school.

The terrible part about it, is that you left Seokmin in the dark about the reason why you couldn't continue the relationship. Thus, breaking up with him became your biggest regret, and you knew you had to fix it.

And the only way to do so was to show up at the stupid high school reunion with Mingyu and his annoying grin.

"Don't leave me alone," you remember telling him as the you both arrived at the venue, only for him to proceed to leave you alone as the DJ the committee had rented began. You watched from where you were sat, glaring at the six-foot nuisance as he busts out questionable dance moves on the dance floor.

"Didn't think I'd see you here."

A chill ran up your spine, spinning around to find Seokmin. Your lips stretched into a small smile, reaching your eyes as you greet him, "Hey, Seokmin."

"Did you come alone, Y/N?" You shook your head, before pointing to Mingyu who was now doing the robot. "Ahh… he really hasn't improved."

You laughed, nodding in agreement.

"Do you want to accompany me outside? It's a bit stuffy in here," he invited, and you nodded, quietly following behind him as you both walked out of the ballroom and onto the balcony outside. The committee for the reunion really leveled up with booking a hotel's ballroom on the higher floors—the balcony overlooking to the city skyline.

"So, how are you, Y/N?"

"I am getting on well," you answered, looking over at him. "How about you?"

"I'm doing well, too," he looked over at you, sending you a smile. You felt the atmosphere between the two of you shift, knowing well enough that he had more questions he wanted to ask, but was hesitant. How you both broke up wasn't the most ideal as it left more questions than answers, that you knew you couldn't give him at that moment.

"I'm sorry," you blurted out finally, breaking the silence between you two. He faced you, brows knitted in confusion but didn't say anything, allowing for you to explain.

"I'm sorry I never could tell you the real reason why I broke us up," you began, "I guess… not getting into the school I wanted hit me harder than I thought, and… and well, you… you were got accepted into the school you wanted, and I don't know, I felt like I was being left behind…"

He didn't say anything at first, only stared at the side of your face as you explained.

Seokmin remembered that day, when you decided to end your three year relationship through text. It came all of a sudden, a day after he had told you that he got accepted into his dream school and you were happy for him, even asking if the two of you could go out to celebrate for his acceptance. The break up was out of the blue.

So out of the blue, that Seokmin on that day had drove over to your house after you had stopped responding to his texts of him asking why, what had happened. He was worried.

"Y/N, Y/N, let me in," he knocked on your day, taking note of the absence of your parent's car. "Y/N, please, let's talk about this."

You opened the door, your face swollen from crying the night before. Immediately, he engulfed you into a hug, and you broke down, tears sinking into his shoulder as you let yourself cry. You needed this—a hug, but it still didn't change anything, you still ended it with him.

"So, you broke up with me because you felt like I was leaving you behind?" He asked slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"Dumb, I know," you sighed weakly.

"Yeah," Seokmin couldn't help but agree, "but I understand, Y/N, I just wished you had told me."

"I was too embarrassed, and also, I didn't want to rain on your parade, you were accepted and I wasn't… I didn't want to ruin your mood back then."

"And breaking up with me didn't do that?" he asked, his tone teasing, which only caused you to burn up in shame, turning away in embarrassment. Seokmin reached out, tugging at your arm. "I'm just teasing, Y/N."

His hand slowly ascended down where he had gently grabbed your elbow, the skin in which his had grazed upon had burned beneath his touch. The heat from him trailing up your arm to the apples of your cheek, extending towards the tips of your ears. Even after all these years, he still had the same affect on you as he did before.

"I missed you," you uttered, barely above a whisper, causing his eyes to look up to yours, the corner of his lips tilting upwards into a soft smile.

"Me, too," he replied, looking down at your hands as his fingers slipped between yours, letting the warmth from his palm radiate into yours.

"Did… did you ever move on?" This was the question you've always wanted to ask him, hoping that if he did, then you could move on from him completely. You never attempted to reach out, to confirm your assumption that your high school relationship was only ever to stay in high school, with absolutely no possibility of continuing on as you both grew up.

You were stuck in a loop as you forced yourself to move on, but your taste in men had downgraded after Seokmin, and as cruel as it sounds, no one could ever replace the void that Seokmin had occupied before.

"I never really could find myself in a relationship after you, Y/N, as cheesy as it sounds," he explained, "especially when I had no way of contacting you… finding closure was impossible, but the thing is, I don't want closure for something I never wanted to close."

Seokmin was always pure in your eyes. When the world around you felt dark and cold, no one found anywhere near you, he'd show up and with a single smile, he'd scare off everything you hated away—he was an eternal sunshine in this dark world.

"It's you, Y/N, it has always been," he concludes, encompassing your other hand with his as he pulls you closer, "no matter how hard you try to disappear, I'd always look for you."

You smiled up at him, feeling warmth drip down your cheek and Seokmin reached up, wiping away the tear that you didn't know had formed, but kept his hand against your cheek.

"Let's try again, Y/N, yeah?"

You froze in your spot, glancing between his eyes to find a hint of uncertainty, that he was just caught in the moment of meeting you after so long, but nothing. He's sincere—he means it.

"If we were to end it, then I wished we had ended it in a better way, but if I had to be honest, Y/N." The soft smile grew into a wider smile, although his eyes stayed the same; warm. "I hope we never end it."

[luulapants]

“I don’t drink beer. How do I write characters that do?”

Beer has been an integral part of human society for about as long as we’ve had a human society. Some anthropologists now theorize that we fermented grain for beer before we used it for bread. It’s the most popular alcoholic drink worldwide, and everyone has their own regional variety. This will mostly focus on US beer culture, which is what I’m familiar with.

Who’s drinking beer?

Beer has a reputation as a “man’s drink,“ at least in Western cultures, but there are plenty of women that partake. Showing a woman drinking beer, though, might convey to readers that she’s “one of the boys” or down-to-earth.

The cheap stuff is really, really cheap, and therefore seen as a blue collar, “working man’s” drink, but the low price point also makes it good for events with lots of people. It has high water content, so it’ll keep people hydrated at an outdoor event better than other options. Most have a relatively low alcohol content by volume, making it a good choice if you want to keep drinking for a while without getting too drunk.

For beer snobs, the craft beer world can be a hobby or a lifestyle. They might brew beer at home or have a local brewery they hang out at. They’ll go to brewery events where new batches or special reserve bottles are released and sold. Some bottles can cost quite a lot!

You could reasonably expect someone to have a few beers in the fridge. Frequent drinkers would replenish the stock often. Less frequent drinkers might have a few they forgot about. It does go bad eventually, so it’s not like a hard liquor where you could have a bottle sitting around untouched for multiple years and offer it up to someone. When it goes bad, it gets a “skunky” taste.

How are they drinking it?

Most good beers are meant to be poured into a glass, and there are different glass shapes for different styles, all purported to enhance the beer in some way. The basic is going to be a 16-oz pint glass. You should pour slowly with the stream hitting the side of the glass, not the bottom, to avoid it all turning to foam and overflowing. The foam is called the ‘head,’ and if it gets too tall, you have to wait for it to go down before drinking or else get foam on your nose.

Pouring the beer into a glass allows it to breathe and means the drinker is smelling the aroma of the beer as they drink. A glass suggests your character is enjoying their beer for its taste.

Drinking straight from the can or bottle, then, suggests a character that doesn’t care about the flavor or a beer that isn’t worth savoring. An exception is Corona, a Mexican beer, which is best enjoyed by cramming a lime slice into the bottle’s opening. It drops into the beer, which fizzes in response.

Cans are cheaper than bottles, generally. Cans often need to be crushed before they go in the recycling bin, to save space. Some people have mechanical crushers, some will crush with their hands or under their boot. If you want to show that someone is a real meathead, they might crush it on their forehead.

Of course, an exception to the “dignity” of glasses is the iconic red Solo cup, a plastic disposable cup associated with binge drinking at parties.

Binge drinking and drinking gimmicks

A beer can only be chugged (drank quickly all in one motion) from a glass, due to a lack of air flow into a can or bottle. Chugging can be a great sexually suggestive shorthand, since it’s best done if the drinker can completely relax and open their throat, basically pouring the drink directly down their esophagus, and... well, you catch my drift.

To get around the air flow issue, cans can be shotgunned, a practice associated with binge drinking, party culture, college/frat behavior, etc. To shotgun a beer, the side of the can is stabbed with a knife. You then cover the knife hole with your mouth, tip your head sideways so the can is upright, and crack the tab. This allows air to flow into the top hole, causing the beer to flow quickly out of the knife hole and into your mouth. It requires you to chug the entire beer or risk getting soaked.

A beer bong involves a large funnel with a long plastic hose coming from the bottom. The drinker puts the end of the hose in their mouth while a second person stands above them, the higher the better (I once saw a beer bong from a 3rd floor balcony), and pours a beer into the funnel. The gravity pressure then carries the beer down the tube at high speed, forcing the person at the bottom to drink as quickly as they can.

Not to be confused with beer pong, a game played on a ping-pong or similar-sized table. A triangle of red solo cups is arranged on either end of the table, each filled with a small amount of cheap beer. It’s a two-on-two game, with each side taking turns throwing a ping-pong ball, trying to get it into one of the other team’s cups. If it lands in a cup, someone from the other team needs to drink that cup and remove it from the table. There are usually elaborate house rules. Most people claim there is a “sweet spot” of drunkness where they are best at the game.

A keg is a barrel-shaped pressurized vessel that holds a large quantity of beer. For parties, a keg can be the most economical option for serving so many people. The keg will be stored in a large ice-filled container, often a trash can or storage tote. The keg must be “primed,” a plunger on top pumped repeatedly to get the vessel properly pressurized. People use the attached hose, which has a button or nozzle on the end, to dispense beer into their cups. It has to be re-pumped regularly, and by the end of the keg, this becomes laborious and frustrating, often leaving you with nothing but a sad trickle of foam.

A keg stand involves doing a handstand with your hands on the rim of the keg, usually with someone holding your legs to stabilize you, and drinking from the keg hose while upside-down. It frequently results in beer going up your nose and can show that a character is a fun party person or a walking disaster.

Ordering at the bar

Yes, in movies, a man will sit at a bar and say “beer me” and a beer appears in front of him with no conversation. No, that’s not realistic. Bars have a wide variety of beers, and you need to tell the bartender what you want. If a character wants something cheap, they might say, “A Miller Light,” or maybe a sarcastic, “A can of your finest Coors, sir.” Otherwise, they might read the menu, either posted on the wall or on a sheet of paper at the bar. They could also ask the bartender, “What’s on tap?”

Most bars will have a stock of cans and bottles in a fridge. They might ask if you want a glass with it. Beers on tap are stored in kegs under the bar and attached to spigots, usually with decorative handles. Some may be mainstays of the bar that are always available, and others might rotate in and out.

No, your character doesn’t have to specifically name drop a brand. You can give a general description: a can of the cheapest beer they had. A stout a little too syrupy for his tastes. A local IPA. All of these choices will say something about who your character is as a person.

Cheap Beer

Most mass-produced are light lagers with a pale yellow color. Those who don’t like them describe them as watery or tasting “like piss.” If one is hitting the spot at the end of a long day, it might taste slightly tart, slightly bitter, but mostly refreshing. Worse ones are more bitter and have a sort of “funk” to them. The big names like Miller, Coors, Bud, Natty Light, or Mich will be instantly recognizable as a cheap beer, but if you really want to get regionally specific in the US, many places have a local one that is so, so much worse.

For home drinking, cheap beers can be bought in the traditional six-pack, but serious drinkers are more likely to buy a case, usually 24 beers. As for where you can buy them, that varies from state to state and county to county. Look up the local laws on whether beer can be bought in grocery stores or convenience stores.

Craft Beer

The craft beer industry has exploded in popularity in the US, with microbreweries churning out small batches of local beers with creative, complex flavors.There are a kajillion different variations, but I’ll try to hit the big categories:

Lagers are usually associated with cheap beer, but there are craft lagers such as bocks, dunkels, and schwarzbiers. They’re fermented at lower temperatures and usually have a lighter flavor and a low alcohol content.

Sours are, as the name says, sour! They are light, low alcohol content, and often fruit flavored. These are summery and the fruity ones are sometimes seen as “girly.”

IPAs (India Pale Ales) are usually light with heavy hops content. Those who don’t like them describe them as too bitter or tasting like grass. Those that like them describe them as floral and complex. IPAs had a “craze” in the early 2010s and were disparagingly described as “pumpkin spice for men.” Because they are light and easy-drinking, they’re less “butch” than others.

Stouts are the other side of the ale spectrum: heavy, black, and thick. It’s like drinking bread. They are often strongly and complexly flavored with things like coffee, chocolate, banana, peanut butter. They can be aged in whiskey barrels to give them a smoky flavor. They can be syrupy or bitter. It’s hard to drink too much of them because they are filling and calorie-heavy, but they usually have a very high alcohol content, two to four times as strong as a light beer. They’re seen as a beer for “serious” beer drinkers. Guinness is the most well-known commercially available stout, but most beer snobs will stick up their noses at it.

Porters are the less-heavy predecessor of the stout. They’re dark brown with lots of hops and a malty flavor. A good compromise if you want a strong, dark beer to show you’re A Man™ but don’t want a beer you practically have to chew.

In nonsense stereotypical terms, darker/heavier/higher alcohol content = more tough/butch, lighter/fruitier/lower alcohol content = more feminine. That said, I wouldn’t want to drink a heavy beer in the sun on a hot day, so context also matters.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know!

[hanasnx]

hi i asked abt zena and ani. I js wanted to say that their dynamic is my favorite thing in the world. how he’s so nonchalant abt everything and mysterious and her just wanting to crack him. im in love.

also. “ever shot a porno?” god kill me now. i need more of their banter. just the way they speak to each other is so 🫠

i’d love to see a more personal (wink wink) interview between them both.

thank you indy for blessing this earth with zenakin.

(also could i be 🪐)

this is so crazy cool to me tbh bcos i didnt write them together originally to have crazy sexual tension i just feel like i cant not imbue sexual tension into my writing. i love that you asked me about them and youve picked up on their dynamics. the prompt is a little too vague so i hope im doing it justice. also yes ofc you can be that emoji <3

"Bet you thought you saw the last of me." ZENA DAREN remarks smartly, a haughty curl to her lips at the sight of ANAKIN SKYWALKER sitting before her once again. He takes a sip from his water bottle, and she finds herself staring at the way his Adam's apple bobs from the movement. He wipes his lips with the back of his hand, and drops the bottle next to his chair leg.

"You are persistent, I'll give you that." he relents, and nods in subtle commendation. "Didn't even realize I had an agent until you relentlessly overwhelmed her with every trick in the book. Can't say I'm not impressed." Zena can't tell if this was another one of his signature dry jokes. Krayt House couldn't be so popular now that he wouldn't notice an entire person signing on to be his personal agent to coordinate events behind the scenes? How many papers has this guy signed to have not kept track of something like that? No, must be a joke. It's still taking considerable effort for her to nail this guy down. Like a Rubik's cube, she can't put it down until it's a clear solve.

Her pen points over the precipice of her clipboard. "You told her you weren't taking interviews anymore." The accusatory tone of voice utilized causes Anakin to raise his brows in mock offense.

"The series is over. Why should I?" he debates, sinking further back into his seat that unconsciously pushes out his hips. Those black pants hug him well, and Zena swallows. Additionally, he crosses his arms over his broad chest, swelling the muscle in a most please way. Cords of tendons lovingly tended to in the gym are on full display. At this point, she knows he's attractive— he has been all this time— but what would she expect from a professional porn star with his kind of experience under his belt? It won't go anywhere if she pursued it, but she's far more fascinated in him as a puzzle to solve.

"You neglected to mention to her that I would be an exception." She shrugs, as if it should be obvious, leaning her back against the chair as a snooty expression adorns her countenance.

He scoffs. "You think after a couple of links that you're an exception?"

"Out of the roster I'd say I'm the most consistent contestant. You agree to be on my show thirty-seven percent more than others on average."

Anakin tilts his head forward to peer at her through his brows curiously, "Oh, so you're keeping tabs on me, huh?" There he goes again, being that charming smooth-talker that can tongue-tie her in seconds. It's frustrating.

Warm color blooms on Zena's cheeks, and she rallies. The stumble is noted by her counter-part, who scans her vulnerable figure in her usual professional attire. Her legs crossed neatly over one another in a pencil skirt and heels is practically smoothed over as if his piercing blue gaze was a large hand. "That's not—"

"I get it." He pinches his shoulder to his neck with a sniff of his nose, swiping at it with his thumb as he glances to the side. "We both know you've got a little thing for me. Look, I was just showing up to do my job. It's not my fault you got the rights to me during the run of the series."

Without thinking, Zena blurts out, "Are you always so self-centered?"

The corner of his lips quirk up. "Only when it helps me get a read on my opponent." Once more, Zena is rendered speechless. She's been trying to decipher this guy since day one and all she's managed to do is grant him insider access to her own mind. Anakin takes advantage of her reticence, gesturing to her camera with an incline of his head and his curls bounce from the motion. "Forgot to turn on the camera." he points out to her. Her gaping mouth cannot be occupied by a single word, and he takes it one step further. "I like your glasses. New pair?"

[rthko]

I once overheard a homosexual man say that the most desired type of gays are the natural blonde or brunette twinks that look like Tom Holland and Shawn Mendes or the guys in BelAmi porns but that they are hard to bag if you don't fit their beauty standards. I looked these pornoactors up on the internet and they were indeed beautiful, yet unattainable and unrealistic. I did not flick the bean as I watched purely for investigative purposes, but I couldn't help but wonder if you homosexuals ever feel intimidated by these twink and perhaps even twunk creatures, with their speedos and 8% body fat and their "gay golden retriever" aura. So is it true? Are these types of gays at the top of the gay pyramid? #listening&learning here.

This is often true. Last night I was at this dance event as one of only two people I could see wearing crop tops. So I found the other guy, a twink with some level of abs, and said "hey, nice to see someone else in a crop top!" He said "hey, if we've got the body for it we might as well show it, right? Have our fun before we hit thirty and crash." I think he basically meant to be friendly but this annoyed me. I'm basically a twink myself (or fully, depending on how much or how little body hair you think counts), so I do think a lot of the resentment is excessive and keeps me from being seen as a dimensional person. But when I have interactions like that? I get it. And I have some educated guesses as to how the interaction would have played out if I weren't also skinny.

Is this type at the top of the social pyramid? It depends. It's all very high school, and it depends on how you define popularity. There's the Mean Girls style definition of "everyone puts them on a pedestal because they're so intimidating and hot," and the definition of "just genuinely charismatic and well liked." If someone has enough insecurity veiled in arrogance to lash out because of it, are they truly popular in a meaningful sense? I think the most genuinely popular guys in a lot of gay scenes are attractive, sure, but more down to earth, "imperfect," and friendly in a way people find refreshing.

The guy with me at the event was a bear who I and a lot of others there found very attractive, but others, due to porn standards, insecurity, or whatever we want to pin it on, would not feel the same way. Yet the whole time he was saying hi to people, being greeted with hugs and kisses on the cheek, and asking people how they were doing in a way that shows he genuinely cares and keeps tabs on them. My fellow crop top twink, wish him well, stood around clutching his cocktail. It's not a competition, but I know who I think is winning.

[oathena11-writes]

I just wanted to let anyone who follows me know that I'm taking a break from posting on AO3 until April, maybe later depending on how things look once we get to April.

I am hiding away the further explanation of why because it's more of a vent and whine session than anything and I don't want to subject anyone to that if they don't want to see it. And it got way out of hand.

(note: this whole thing is unedited)

Back in December I decided that I was going to take a break from posting, but because I was already done with several FoxQuin week fics, I decided to wait until after I was finished posting those fics to take a break from posting, even though that was inviting the possibility of things getting worse.

I used to be fine not getting comments, I had made my peace with it. I'm not sure why things started shifting for me last year, but it did.

By late September, early October, I was at the point that posting was just torturing myself. Any time I posted, I had to swallow down the disappointment of no comments, sometimes the first comments would appear days after posting, and sometimes they never appeared at all. 

I had some good fics I posted and even getting three comments on a chapter blew me away and made me excited- that's how little attention I'm used to my fics getting.

By December, I knew I was just torturing myself to keep attempting to post fics when the lack of comments got to me every time.

I know I'm not entitled to comments, heck I know why people don't comment. I hardly comment, it's hypocritical to demand comments when I struggle to even remember to comment before hitting kudos and subscribe and closing out the tab. I am working on commenting more consistently but it's a work in progress.

It still hurts. I know why it hurts, and I wish I could just make it stop. Because I love writing and I love sharing what I write with people even if I don't get comments. I love knowing that maybe there's a silent person out there who was impactd by the story.

I have always admired those who get many comments, who have an interactive audience who are all excited and vibing and sharing theories and excitement... I have always hoped for that myself but I don't really get that kind of interactions on my fics, just the generic comments of loving my fics. Sometimes, no one tells me what they love about my fics, what I'm doing right. No one comments on the parts I thought were particularly clever, on the big reveals, or anything. 

And it's fine if my fics aren't to anyone's taste, if I'm not as good of a writer as I think. I have an idea of my flaws, but I don't really intend on changing because every time I reread old fics, I adore them. I wrote them in a way that makes my brain happy, that is easy for me to read and I might spot some minor things, and things that I might change now, over a year later, but for the most part? What I know others might see as flaws are parts of fics that I adore.

It still hurts.

Maybe some of the trouble is just that when I write for events, particularly fandom specific events, my mind sees it as a gift to the community. 

But sometimes, I get even less interaction on my event fics. It hurts to write a gift to the community and to be so rejected as to not get a single comment. It hurts that the event fics that I pour my heart and soul into, trying to strike a balance in writing what I adore (though it's usually not the norm) and what the community loves, and I edit and post, thinking 'yeah! I nailed a lot of things this community. I put in x, y happened, and I even put in this popular fanon'. But then there's... nothing. No one cares that I put in all my effort to craft something that the community would love, often stepping out of my comfort zone to do so.

I know some of it is that I write strange headcanons that most people don't have, that I write rare pair ships, that my interpretation of things has no one group it belongs to because I often get a little from everyone.

Or maybe people don't comment because they don't like the responses I give, or because I haven't been responding to comments as much sense September.

Sometimes, not knowing is the worst. I have theories, but I don't know. If I do know it's because I'm an awful writer, great, I can put that to rest and I won't stop posting, but at least then I know what it is about me that people just don't like.

I know this is just a really self indulgent whine and who wants to read this, really? I'm not tagging it because I don't want people to come to my post. Because I am begging for attention, for someone to show me to care but I also know people hate that so I'm just posting this to have the vent out there, so I can pretend people saw and care. 

I know I'm not a big author, and I know now I won't ever be. I wish I was, I want people to love my work as much as I do. I want to nerd out with people.

I have been accepting that that's never going to happen. I can live with that.

But hardly getting comments... to the point that 5 of 7 FoxQuin week fics getting one or two comments, and 1 getting 5 is still making me get teary at all the positive things people had to say, all the nice comments.

I wasn't expecting that. I went in fully bracing myself for no comments on most fics and maybe 1 or 2 on two fics, if I was lucky. But that's not what happened. I got more comments than I'm used to and I kind of don't know what to do with them because I am so used to getting no comments at all that I am getting teary just thinking about it. 

Most of the time, all it takes is one or two comments to make my day. One if it's not a generic comment will have me going back to reread it several times a day until I finally respond. 

But no comments at all sends me to despair some days, especially on the fics I'm excited to post. Those getting no comments is devastating. Those days, where there's no comments within the first two days of posting just make me want to cry, and I don't know why it keeps hitting me so hard, or why it got worse last year. 

But that's why I decided to take a break from posting so that I can take some space, and hopefully by the time April comes around, posting without responses won't be so earth shattering. Hopefully I won't feel so rejected, so alone, so unimportant. 

I don't want to stop posting forever. At the very least I need to finish the ongoing stories I've already started posting.

But I needed to stop torturing myself. I needed to breathe and remind myself that it's not the end of the world and get some space from the tears that have been shed over lack of comments.

So... yeah. My mental state is not the best right now when it comes to posting, and I could have said worse things; I left out some of the really stupid irrational lines of thoughts that come up because I do spiral. I know how to handle it; I am safe at home. 

But I am losing spoons over it and I just can't keep doing this. 

I hope I can resolve this by April so that I can keep posting and don't grow too much of a backlog.

Thanks for reading my stupid, whiny, attention-seeking rant.

[blackestnight]

what's in my bag: hopeless nerd edition

by popular demand (read: like three people), have the contents of my bag when i'm playing ttrpgs in person!

in no particular order:

laptop. i use digital character sheets for most of the games i play, mainly so i don't have to do math every time i level up. pf2 (my preferred ttrpg system) also has specific restrictions for organized play, and the digital tool i use has a settings toggle for society-compliant characters, which is super handy. i can also keep tabs open for quick rules/item lookups.

case, etc. i keep my laptop in a soft sleeve that comes with a pocket for the charger, a wireless mouse, and a tablet pen. the laptop is a 2-in-1, so depending on available table space i might fold it up and keep it in my lap in tablet mode, using the pen to navigate my character sheet instead of the mouse.

power bank. a relatively new addition. outlet space is always at a premium at events, and while my laptop's battery is pretty good, my phone is old and the battery is starting to give out, so better safe than sorry. i got this power pack for like $40 at meijer and it's great.

binder. for holding chronicle sheets (basically after-session rewards handouts for organized play). i have different folders for each character. i also try to keep hard copies of character sheets in case of technological or internet failure, but uh. i usually. forget. oops.

gum. usually with me wherever i go anyway. it's good for mitigating the takeout breath after ordering dinner. also helps mitigate distracted snacking.

water bottle. hydrate or die-drate, bitch.

pens and pencils. even as a person who uses digital sheets, you need pencils. i don't care who you are. if nothing else, you may end up needing to play a pre-generated character and keep track of HP, and you don't want to be the asshole marking up someone else's sheets in pen. i prefer pens for my own note-taking and filling out chronicle sheets, but i always keep a few pencils (a nice one for me and shitty ones to loan to other people).

miniatures. not strictly necessary. not all games use physical minis and maps for tactical combat, and small things like coins, bottle caps, extra dice, or (especially for enemies) candies are all mainstays of the tradition. i don't always bring mine to regular home campaign sessions, but for society play and cons i keep them in a little plastic tacklebox. i have some fancy ~custom~ minis for long-running characters, and more generic plastic ones, plus some poker chips and bases for things like pets, mounts, and summons.

dice. clickety clackety, i roll to attackity. my dice collection is extensive and nearly all blue (gasp). "but cyan," you ask, "do you actually need to bring that many dice?" yes. the most superstitious people you will ever meet are theatre nerds and tabletop gamers. you need several sets on hand to combat the Dice Curse. (or loan to other players. or roll fireballs. et cetera.) my dice bag was handmade for me by my best friend in high school, based on my first ever d&d character, and i still use it all the time. for events where i'll be able to spread out more, or for home games, i also have a dice vault with a built-in tray.

tray. to keep my dice from running away, or getting damaged on the table (or damaging the table if we're talking metal dice). lays flat when unsnapped for easy transport. also, it's a kitty!

notebooks. i usually have a couple on me for different purposes. the skull notebook is for session notes—which i don't usually take, WHICH IS BAD, and i'm trying to get into the habit. i'll write shorthand bullet notes during the session and then tidy up/convert into better summaries in a digital notebook later. the sticker-fied (yes, i put stickers on basically all of my possessions) is for brainstorming and note-taking for my homebrew campaign, because nothing is quite as inspiring as a weekend of getting tormented by other GMs.

book. for downtime/between sessions. the nice thing about tabletop cons is that there's always a chair somewhere.

and that's basically it! i might swap a couple things out if i'm running as a GM, but as a player this is my go-to.

and if you're looking at this and going, "where are the rulebooks?" the answer is i usually don't bring them with me in a physical format when i'm traveling. for PF2, i have access to all the PDFs, but Archives of Nethys and PF2 Easy are both fantastic (and FREE) digital rules references. i prefer Easy for searching items and spells, but AoN is an unparalleled rules resource, and they work directly with paizo to update the rules with each errata release. it has every rule, item, spell, creature, and character option from every book, with no paywalls or ads. the only thing you can't get are official maps or encounter blocks from the adventure paths. check it out if you're interested in playing!

[blingblingsparklesparkle]

ALR NOW THAT I KNOW AT LEAST SOME OF YOU WANT IT

The Carver Lore Post

(^This isn’t part of it but I do think his favorite color is purple)

Also this is all my opinion (mixed with a little projection) and obviously not canon

ANYWAYS, I will be separating everything into different categories‼️‼️‼️

Home life

I can see Carver growing up in a middle class, small town kinda situation. HUGE mama’s boy, meh with his dad. I think his mom coddled him a lot growing up and he wasn’t entirely able to take care of himself.

I think people have mentioned this before, but I do see Carver as the youngest child. He has an older sister, maybe about 4 or 5 years older. They don’t fight all that much, if anything they’re frenemies. She cares a lot about him and it was really hard to move when she got into a college.

His family is very tight knit but aren’t super into family gatherings so when Carvers invited to other people’s family gatherings he gets excited.

School life

He wasn’t the best at school but certainly wasn’t the worst. He did pretty well but wasn’t exactly sure what to do after high school.

Not incredibly popular but still pretty well known, mostly because he was on the swimming and basketball team (though he quit basketball in sophomore year because he got bored) Generally liked, had enough charisma to not seem like a complete asshole.

Social life

He never had a lot of people he considered friends despite being a bit of an extrovert. Carver never really felt like he knew how to actually talk to someone. He could do small talk and act like he understood what to do but at the end of the day it was exhausting for him.

Maria & Ladybug

I am a strong believer in Maria, Ladybug, and Carver all living in the same town growing up. I think Maria was a mutual friend of Carver and Ladybug but slowly they all just became one friend group.

His friendship with Maria has always been pretty strong. They started off as just lunch buddies but quickly started warming up to each other. They have gotten into a few fights but most of them were resolved quickly.

Carvers friendship with Ladybug was rocky to begin with. Every few months they had a new big argument and it all ended in a sort of rivalry. They still talk, but both have a “I’m not apologizing until he apologizes!” mentality when they’re both in the wrong.

First kill

I think he was the last one to actually kill someone. Carver was friends with someone in the business who happened to have someone wanting to take them out. He happened to be there while the two were fighting and managed to kill the assassin relatively quickly. He felt surprisingly calm about it and the agency Carvers friend worked with started keeping tabs on him.

The trauma and mental health stuff

I’m not gonna get into the specifics bc I’ve talked about it before on my Medusa tattoo post and elsewhere but even outside of that I think Carver went through some sort of major traumatic event. He didn’t tell anyone for a long while, and when he did it was only his close family and friends.

He doesn’t view it as big or important really, Carver doesn’t even see it as trauma. It takes him a while to really understand the impact it had on him.

Trauma aside, he’s always been a very anxious person. Panic attacks are rather physical for him and he’s almost always on high alert. He isn’t very good at regulating anger and it got him into a lot of trouble growing up, but he’s always managed to narrowly escape punishment.

I think his family would be pretty unsure about therapy or mental health in general. They aren’t super traditional but they still hold up some of those values. It would take a while for them to agree to let him go (mostly bc his doctor recommended it)

Speaking of his family, Carver did grow up in a Catholic home but he’s not very religious himself. He doesn’t have a really negative experience with the religion outside of a lot of Catholic guilt he needs to work through.

Regarding mental health, I’m of the belief that Carver’s autistic and has PTSD. I think his parents were recommended an autism diagnosis but decided against it and never told him. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly ig) Ladybug pointing out his symptoms was what got Carver to realize he’s autistic and has PTSD.

[sapphireshineauthor]

A Personal Breakdown and Comparison of the Big Three of Fanfiction: Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net, and Wattpad

Considering the whole chaos with AO3 that happened recently, I wanted to write about this again since it's been on my to-do list. Disclaimer, I am trying to be objective, but some factors may still appear as personal opinions on the matter, so keep that in mind. This is a long one, so be prepared for an extensive read, I still tried to be concise but thorough. Experts on these sites, feel free to step in and offer your expertise as well on here. Also do correct me on any potential mistakes, this was a long one...

Archive of Our Own:

Pros:

Easy User Interface

Tagging system/fic filter system

Various options for site customization

Search by tag system, addition of major warning tags

Html support, picture and audio integration options

Copy and paste function

Zero advertisement

Engaging comment sections

Friendly UI, writer and reader friendly.

Has function to download fics for offline reading (formats: AWZ3, MOBI, PDF, EPUB, HTML)

Cons:

Tags can get cluttered

Search Bar doesn't work as well as search by tag filter

Rusty crossover format

Rusty character/relationship involvement sorting

Cannot upload documents

No personal DM function.

Can take awhile sorting through tags depending...

Archive of Our Own (AO3) has been my personal favorite of these websites. I've been using it for several years and despite dabbling in various other sites, this one is still my preference.

To start off strong, the pros for AO3 (obvious or not) is the interface. I personally find it extremely easy to use and all the options given are extremely nice for writers and readers alike. For writers, you can give yourself pseuds to help categorize your own fics, sort by the fandoms you write, add tags, allow co-writers, moderate and respond to comments, mass edit stories, and so on. While the site doesn't seem to have an option to upload a document, it does have options to include pictures, audio, and various other media, including links to other stories or videos. It also allows authors to directly respond to comments on their fics and allow for more discussion and engagement in the story (or fandom) between authors and readers (don't be afraid to leave comments!)

In terms of being a reader (and writer) one of my favorite functions by far is the bookmark, history, and subscribe functions. They are what they say, bookmarks can be a public or private tab that are various favorite fics you wanted to save for later or keep note of and not want to search for it again. History is a list of all the fics you've clicked on and it's private solely to you, no one can see your fic history, so if you don't want to bookmark, but remembered something you read, you can look for it in your history. Subscriptions are also a favorite if you don't want too many tabs, you subscribe to a story and you'll get an email every time that fic is updated with a new chapter. Additionally, fics can be downloaded for offline reading (most popular format it seems are epub and pdf).

Now then, onto the main event, tags. If there's one thing AO3 is known for, it's tags. All sorts of them.

The pros of the tags: easy filtering, searching, and organizing.

The best part about AO3 tags is how easy to filter fics are.

It's part of a writer's duty to tag what they have in their stories (and at least tag what we think is relevant if we have trouble thinking of specifics) and most uphold this duty, even at the most basic forms of relevant characters or themes or warnings.

AO3 has an extremely well made filter system (in my opinion), and I've been making good use of it in recent days. If you want stories with a specific character or genre, or theme, use the "Include" function and type in those relevant tags.

If you want to exclude fics specifically, you can "Exclude" the relevant tags and the system should exclude all works with those tags, ratings, or themes, in them from your search. If there is an issue with it, my only gripe is that there aren't any "filter preferences/presets" for the site. By that I mean if you click on a new character tag, you need to re add all of your filters to get your specific stories again unless you're well adept at using the back button (which honestly most people are adept at) and re-organizing your filters there, but it's an extremely minor issue that doesn't really affect the experience.

Now then, the cons of the site. There aren't many, but there are a few. Which again, involves the tags. AO3's extensive list of relevant tags for various fandoms is a blessing as it is a curse. One such factor is the idea of crossovers. Crossovers may be easy for other series, but for series that have various media forms for the same fandom, they end up having different fandom tags.

For example, my fic "Scarlet Eyes in the Academy" had a total of 5 fandom tags, even though it's only a crossover between two series. This is because both have different media that have their own tags, My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)/(Light Novel)/(Manga), and Moriarty the Patriot (Anime)/(Manga)

The reason why a lot of authors tag all various media forms for a series is simply so the most people can see it, regardless of which medium tag they defaulted to. Especially if the mediums don't have many differences to the series.

I can understand why some series need separate tags to differentiate the medium, but in the long run (especially if the medium doesn't have many unique changes to the canon), it's various tags for the same series and since linking more than one fandom tags will equate to a crossover, trying to find an actual crossover fic is a challenge (some fandoms don't really apply since they don't have multiple tags, such as Genshin Impact and Red vs Blue).

On another point, which is mainly the character tags. This is a common issue I see from time to time, but like the crossover aspect, is a small issue compared to the pros of the site. The thing with the character tags (or relationship tags) is that writers can add them, even if the story is not focusing on them. They appear in the story, but how much focus is on that character/relationship is in the eyes of the beholder (at the whim of a writer). It's not a major issue, but one that I see from time to time when comparing/analyzing fic sites.

But if there's a plus to the character tags, it helps filter through the fandom medium tags. As it will link all the fics that have the character regardless of fandom tags.

Other Notes: unlike other sites, AO3 doesn't have direct DMs and is unable to do document uploads, but even without those two things, it's a wonderful site for fanfiction. It also allows fic downloading for offline reading (just don't do any fic reposting without author's consent, that's just rude).

In conclusion: AO3 has a lot of benefits and has a relatively friendly UI for writers and readers alike. The tag system overall is extremely well done to help narrow down your fic search. I consider it to be the best of the three. The only downside is that it's not the best when looking for crossovers and fics for specific characters, themes, or pairings can get lost among the tags. There are also many guides available on this site in regards to the many functions of AO3.

Fanfiction.net :

This one, I think, sparks a certain level of nostalgia in many of us (especially those a bit younger in age). It was one of the first fanfiction sites to be made "mainstream" (i.e. the most prevalent option when fanfiction is searched for). But it has seen better days…

Pros:

Private DMs

Document uploads

Major character tags

Main genre tags

Easy crossover functionality

Good app, easy UI.

Cons:

Annoying/Invasive ad placement

No option for warning tags

Cannot interact openly with comments

No easy pic support (if any, for inside the fic itself)

Fics can be easily reported even for small reasons

The copy and paste function is extremely broken.

Okay, once again, starting strong with the pros. Ff.net has been a site that is prevalent for older fandoms. It has a nice filter system to go by genre, characters, and ratings and the UI is quite easy to use (the more nuanced filter system also makes it easier for searching compared to AO3's more… fic tag cocktail mixing experience). The site allows for uploading word documents to upload fics (which is a double edge sword as their copy and paste function is extremely wonky and broken last I checked). It also allows for checking traffic on a fic, which I find is a very fun statistic to look at every now and then.

It also allows for private DMs within the site itself so if authors want to talk, there's no need to rely on an external DM site/application (Discord, Tumblr, Reddit, etc).

The biggest pro for FF.net is it's crossover archive (specifically when you go into a ff.net fandom archive and click on crossovers). It sorts out all the crossover fandoms by fic count and it is easy to look for a specific fandom crossover if it exists.

I think that roughly covers all the pros, now, the cons. The main issue I have with FF.net is… the ad placements.

If I could include the horrified duh duh duuuuh! Sound effect I would.

On mobile it's even worse, anyone recall the days when the ads were those odd little boxes next to the review box at the bottom of the chapter? I miss those days.

However, while the ads have been an issue, I think the biggest issue is with how content is moderated on the site and reporting works. I personally haven't had bad experiences with the site, but I've seen other authors apparently get their fics taken off the site due to reports (despite the fact the works themselves not having anything wrong). The famous RWBY reacts to RvB fic (React Watch Believe Yikes) was taken down because of copyright reasons despite the fact they clearly stated that they got permission to use the RvB transcripts in the fic (that fic is now on AO3). I haven't heard much beyond that, so do fill in what I missed if this issue had gotten worse or better over the years.

The other con for FF.net is interaction, while the site allows for private DMs, it doesn't allow public interaction with comments. Authors can still reply, but it's then taken into a private DM chain specifically between the author and the specific commenter. Perhaps it's a minor issue, but it's one that should be brought up.

And also, last I checked, the DMs are supposed to send you an email notification everytime someone DMs you, but it's been wonky for awhile and straight up broken at points.

And lastly, while the more succinct filter system is fine, it does so at the consequence of not letting additional tags be shown. So ratings and genre can be filtered, but nothing more. It doesn't help that the summary boxes are short either, so authors either have to make shorter summaries to put important warnings, or omit the warnings so the full summary can be in place. I also believe this lack of tagging is another reason why reporting fics seems to be an issue there.

In conclusion, FF.net is a fine site, it's easy to use, perfect for crossovers, allows DMs and has fun statistics. However, you should probably keep anything "explicit" pretty mild, or proceed with caution. I learned the terms lemons and limes from somewhere after all.

Wattpad:

Cracks knuckles, okay, this one. I used this one the least, but I do have some thoughts on it (Wattpad experts, feel free to add onto this if you'd like).

Pros:

Can comment on specific paragraphs

Easy picture integration

Decent chapter/book format

Decent story saving/favorite book

Okay UI

Cons:

Bad tag filters

Hard search function

Ads can be a bit annoying.

As you can see, I have an issue when it comes to filtering. Both Ao3 and FF.net have good filtering/tagging systems. While Wattpad does have a filter/tag system, I think it leaves a lot to be desired.

Okay, once again, starting with the pros. I think my favorite feature when it comes to Wattpad is the option to comment on specific paragraphs rather than just the whole chapter/story. I dunno, I find it fun as a reader (and as a writer) to see if people had specific thoughts on specific passages.

Secondly, the writer UI is decent and quite friendly once you get the hang of it. You can start a "book" and update it as you see fit. Although the way to add/update/edit an ongoing book is a bit more cumbersome than AO3 or FF.net…

Lastly, the picture integration for Wattpad is pretty nice, allowing easy insertion of images directly into the passage or on a "chapter banner" at the beginning of the chapter.

That's pretty much it for the major pros, and onto the cons. Which is surprisingly not many (as least that I've experienced), but those few in number make up for a lot in experience.

So, the cons, which is once again, the tagging. It always rolls back to that aspect/function. The tagging for Wattpad is honestly quite messy. Not only can several tags for the same thing exist, but they exist because the tags themselves (like in Tumblr) become different tags depending on how they're formatted (ex. "xreader", "x reader", "characterxreader", are three separate tags), so filtering out tags can be quite an issue. Not to mention more work on the author's part to add literally every iteration of a tag/phrase/pairing to make sure it appears where it's supposed to appear.

The other issue from what I can see rn actually is that a guest user (someone not logged into an account) cannot do manual searches on the site, at least on mobile. You can only search externally on the web, which is technically a minor issue, but an issue nonetheless.

Additionally, readers can't see all the relevant tags when browsing through stories until they click on it and see the summary. Again, a minor issue, but an issue all the same that should be brought up.

Also, from what I heard, there's supposedly paywalls on the site now. Looking into it, Wattpad does seem to have a paid subscription service. One feature of that service is "paid stories". I assume this only attributes to original works (since fanfiction will be in hot water otherwise). Additionally, the paid subscription gives access to offline downloading and site customization (for which AO3 has for free), it also says it offers options for "early access to subscribers" which I assume again is for original stories and functions like a creator's Patreon account. The subscription also allows for ad free viewing of stories.

In conclusion, Wattpad isn't nearly as chaotic as I last remember, but it still seems leagues behind the tagging and UI of AO3 and FF.net. The writer's UI for posting stories is fine and the picture integration in combination with paragraph comments is a fun feature. The fact it's asking for subscriptions for functions that the other two provide also knocks it down a peg. It's a fine site, but definitely not the most ideal for fanfiction. Especially as it seems to shift more to original stories than fanfiction. Finally, unlike AO3 and FF.net, Wattpad doesn't really have anything exclusive to its site that puts it above the rest (unless you count the comment on specific paragraphs bit).  

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In conclusion: Everyone has their favorite sites for fanfiction. All of them have their pros and cons and for which one is "the best" it boils down to what you're looking for in your fanfiction stories.

Archive of Our Own: Seems to be the mainstay for newer fandoms, perfect for creating your own fic viewing experiences and filtering, allows for website customization skins, more interaction between author and readers, allows fic downloads for offline reading.  

Fanfiction.Net: The home to older fandoms, good for a more casual browse, allows private DMs, perfect for looking for crossovers, just beware of the ads.

Wattpad: An okay site, interface takes a bit getting used to, but filtering is not as good as the others, ads are present but not as much as FF.net, requires subscription to remove ads and allow customization. It also seems more curated to original works than fanfics.

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And that concludes my analysis of what I consider "The Big Three" of the fanfiction world. Shall I do other sites as well? Did this help in regards to looking at sites? Experts in any of the three mentioned, do add your own notes to correct or add to any of the points I made. I primarily use AO3 so I may have missed some things for the other two.

Either way, I hope you enjoyed this surprisingly long essay. Hope you enjoyed ;)

[icharchivist]

was having banri thoughts lately just bc like. why not right. and then i suddenly remember u mentioning that some ppl... did not like banri at the start? which is wild to me bc in my mind ive always been ride or die for him. like i love juza so much but i feel like. that doesnt rly oppose liking banris character as well? banri is such fun character drama at the beginning of autumn and then his and itarus dynamic is fun from the start... gosh and the acting in the final bits of the autumn troupe between him and juza! suchhh fun tension. like. idk. it just started making me think like wow. digging thru a3 on my own with mostly the influence of like, just you has probably skewed my opinion of what the common perception of a3 is like. for example in my head winter is the most popular troupe which... it maybe isnt? i feel like recently i saw u mention summer might be the most popular(? this couldve been a dream) and i didnt realize itaru was super popular until like. last month. i mean if i had to pick a character i thought was the most popular i'd pick. misumi.

LKFJDLKFJD god what an ask

yeah i doubt i'm exactly the "common a3 experience" but to be perfectly honest i haven’t really kept tabs on the fandom per se since hh mid-2020 when i started to dig into some tags and saw so much negativity i was just :/ and stopped doing so (the curse to liking rascals </3).

Nowadays my knowledge of the a3 fandom is mostly the people interreacting with me, which already generally means that they vibe with what i post, so it gives me a skewed vision of the fandom like, are we all like that? or are the loud voices that made me go avoid the tag still here yaknow?

More stuff under cut

For Banri, i'll admit i wasn't too hot about him when i started the game, which now i regret so bad because he's my precious little meow meow hands down. He has such a good arc!!!! I know in my case i just had a hard time because i cared for Juza right away and i was still so high on Summer's development i kept comparing Banri to Tenma and going "here's why Tenma is amazing and Banri is cringefail". But it lasted me until a bit before Banri sees the portraits, when he starts to be conflicted, after that i was all, oh wait i like that guy. And then the more content i saw of him the more i loved him and he became my fav Autumn Chara. (so if you want to ramble about him more you’re free to do so because i’m team i adore this guy. please do. you’re so right in what you say of him.)

But so i did expect people to have my experience - hard time in the beginning, then mellowing on him before the end of the Autumn Chapter. And it wasn't the case 😭😭😭😭 At least at the time, the Banri's takes were rancid. Like it was genuinely annoying at a point, you couldn't go anywhere without some Banri bashing fuckery, even after his initial arc, people just. really hated him. My most hated takes were that i saw so many people say Banri would bully Yuki or stuff implying they would have an antagonistic relationship and it's probably why i cling to Into the Night so much, like HELL you're going to twist one of my fav crosstroupe dynamic!!! I legit saw so many things reducing Banri to a menace and a bully, and if not that, talking about how much everyone in the dorm hated him, and it was really driving me insane then.

I remember once making a post about how i was so close to blacklist "Banri" because people didn't filter this bashing with tags so i was just ready to just, not see Banri anymore, but it was breaking my heart. But somehow after this post i got a few people coming back at me about how it annoyed them too and i saw some of those people make their own posts in a more. direct way. and after that i never saw Banri bashing again. My power (< absolutely not, coincidence at best i'm sure).

A lot of Banri bashing i saw back then were from "newcomers" in the sense that it was after the anime aired, and a lot of people were just coming in without knowing about the events. imo i think the events do help giving a better feel to Banri in general so the fact people were fresh from the anime might have skewed things. I remember a friend who was in that case, newcomer and all, only read the main story, didn't like Banri after reading the main story. Then, Main story act 2 came out and while they didn't read the events, they read the main story and they started liking Banri there (because he did develop so much since then)

And as a whole i'd say, by act 2 it must have died out a bit.

There's another chara who gets bashed a lot but. Act 2 stuff 😔. Unfortunately a chara i like a lot so this was my breaking point of "i'm not checking the tags anymore none of you know how to behave". I think it mellowed since then? and i know the chara is popular in the JPN fandom meanwhile.

else i've seen like, Tasuku having very little content from fans and a few people being mean to him when they talked about him, but it was a long time ago and i sure hope it died out. I don't think i'd say he's bashed, more that most folks don't have strong feelings about him and stopped just with a bitter taste over his anger toward Tsumugi in the first winter chap.

Now. About popularity, Winter is DEF NOT the most popular troupe. Pretty sure it plays between Autumn and Summer in term of popularity. That said it's not like any of the troupes are unpopular so any ramblings about each Troupe would be meet with pleased reactions from the fandom, so it is harder to gauge that but yeah.

Troupewise something i noticed is that i think Summer is the most popular in term of GROUP, while Autumn is the most popular in term of Individuals. So a lot of people liked Summer specifically for their dynamic and how each of those charas played out each other more than individually liking each of them, while for Autumn it was, they liked all of them strongly! not specifically for their dynamic, though of course it plays a part, but as individuals. I mention it because i think it was the key difference in rank up in why i think Summer plays were okay to rank up to while Autumn were a nightmare. (that said that can also be "blamed" on "fans gravitate around characters that have elements they have as well" or something which means Autumn fans were more likely to be competitive and stubborn in a way Summer were more mellow.)

Itaru is definitely the most popular character of the whole game, period. It's not even a competition at this point it's so funny. when the EN server was live, anytime Itaru had a rank up card was a bloodbath (< survivor of Kniroun ranking up at 0.2%. Didn't sleep normally for the whole duration of the event it was so much.).

By the end of the server things were dying out a bit but still in general you could get a vague idea of popularity by how wild the rankings could be. For instance the fact Tasuku's ranking was a breeze without even trying was indicative of how he's not that popular.

In general i've noticed, at the time at least, that Winter ranks up were rather easy. I've ranked up for a few of Summer and i didn't see much of a problem otherwise*. Spring was really chill unless Itaru was in rank up. Autumn was THE Bloodbath. There were Autumn Stans organziation all over, the appp SYSTEMATICALLY broke EVERYTIME Autumn was around, it was always much more challenging, so yeah man.

Misumi* is probably the one i'd consider the second most popular character of the game, pretty much.

(*The funny thing is that Misumi got his lead play very early in the server's history, and i know i ranked up for him then and i didn't think it was too hard. In retrospect i'm sure it has more to do with the fact the game didn't have as many people playing it, than it had to do with popularity, so my word on Summer not being a problem is based on weird stats)

A while ago, for the Taiwanese server, there was a special set of cards in term of popularity on this server. Itaru got a SSR, Masumi got a SR, and Misumi got a R.

Masumi is in a weird position because i'd say he's fairly unpopular in the EN server, while he's popular in the JPN and Taiwanese server. Honestly i'm assuming he's especially popular with the teen audience.

AND THE MOST TELLING PART:

The first Cross-troupe's play was involving the most popular character of each troupe, by a poll being made by the JPN server. The leads were Itaru and Banri, then Misumi as a secondary character and Tsumugi as a more support character.

Meaning at the time, this was the order of the 4 most popular characters of the game.

When the mixed troupe event came to the English server, i remember a poll circulating on tumblr and likely twitter as well, trying to see if the EN Server had different favorites. Itaru still came on top, Misumi followed closely afterward. For Autumn, it was Juza and Taichi that were on the top of the Autumn poll, not Banri, and for Winter, i think it was still Tsumugi but Homare was very close behind.

So that was the popularity at least back then, god knows opinions now.

I've seen Homare be extremely popular on tumblr for sure. I have no doubt in Juza's popularity as well.

I saw a lot of Taichi fan going "Taichi is underappreciated" but i saw so many of them i was kinda just thinking "bro i'm pretty sure Taichi is in the popular character squad by now" But i'm also on the other hand as i've once seen a post saying Hisoka was popular and it stunned me a moment going ????? because as a huge Hisoka stan i don't see it???? There's a few devoted fans, and he has a better fanbase in JPN server, but in EN server??? (I'm comparing the last rank up for Hisoka VS the last rank up for Taichi in my mind and i genuinely don't see it for instance) so i also think it's likely i have a "fav blindspot" where i just don't think people are vibing with the charas the way i'm vibing, just. exactly like what i'm talking about with the Taichi stans so.... (that said i also once was tagged in a post that was going "i don't think i've ever seen a Hisoka or Tasuku stan" and a friend just went @ icha come here. Schrodinger Hisoka who's both popular and unpopular depending on who you're asking. And Tasuku IS MY UNDERRATED MEOW MEOW)

I think i recall Tenma being popular for a time, and Yuki is well appreciated by everyone around here. Kazunari has a loud fanbase but i'm pretty sure the seiyuu thing was a huge blow to them and a lot of them got more quiet at the time.

And for what it's worth i do think there's a sizeable portion of the fandom that really like Tsuzuru, but i think it's just, something you get to see a lot when a huge part of the fandom is creatives. And to be completely fair, Clockwork Heart is the one event i had a massive burn out at and didn't pay attention to the rankings at all, so i can't tell if people went really wild about it. And the next Tsuzuru rank up event was literally the last event of the EN server and i'm sure it's not indicative of anything since a lot of folks just didn't want to bother. So unlike the others were i'm using rank up as a gauge of popularity i can't tell how Tsuzuru's might influence his.

SO YEAH that's for what i could pick up BACK THEN, as i remind, i didn't really look deeply into the fandom itself. I'm really good in my corner so it might not actually be indicative of the fandom trends and i'm maybe completely off base.

Then about how, i, personally, don't represent the fandom, unless the fandom changed since then: When i first liveblogged a3, it was when the server was new and no one was on tumblr about it, so i was a little unfiltered from people's opinions. when i came back about a year later to comment on act 2, getting all worked up, and running then into the growing fanbase on this website, is when i started to run into fan takes and everything.

And, let's be clear, i came back because i was crying very hard over Hisoka and Azuma and the full Winter Troupe, and Chikage, so i really came here with my Big Winter Boots only talking about Winter and then Spring.

I ended up getting a feel of what people were talking about a lot at that time, and kinda ended up talking more about what i considered my Underrated Gems.

For instance, i absolutely adore Itaru. I ranked up for him, i've bleed for him, i love the dude. But he's so popular i figured i legit had nothing to say about him that a hundred people wouldn't have been able to say before. So i've mostly didn't really talk about him much despite loving him a LOT because i just didn't think i had anything to say. (now in my current reread i'm doing it so disconnected from what i know of the fandom that i indulged in talking more about how much i like him LMAO)

Meanwhile, there's characters i love that i know the fandom don't talk about much so i end up talking about them more, and it's the case of Tasuku. I wouldn't be surprised Tasuku is really low on most people's popular list. I'm just Not Most People and you're going to hear me ramble about that hunk of a man every few days or so.

I've made my niche in the Winter Troupe appreciation gang and i'm pretty sure by now a lot of other Winter people follow me as a result because i couldn't shut the fuck up, so then my perception of the fanbase gets skewed because i just think of Them ahah.

And there is the fact i adore the rookies, mainly Chikage and Guy, but don't talk about them so much mostly because they came out later in the main story and i've been rereading act 1 so many times instead,,, and didn't talk much about act 2 in case some people managed to save themselves from being spoiled (like you!!)

So my personal perception of a3 is probably not reflecting the whole a3 fanbase really much. God the amount of times i talked my friends's ears off about Winter, that they kinda just humored me without thinking much about it, until they found out one of the More Popular Chara (Itaru, Tenma and the whole Autumn Troupe mostly) and suddenly they're like *twirls hair* heeyy Icha tell us more about a3. It's genuinely so funny to me.

and again i don't know perhaps i'm full of shit, and it's not like i've kept tabs on the fandom recently either!

But that is at least a bit of what i remember in term of popularity and what i can say is that i shouldn't be taken as an example of the fanbase's views in general.

I'm vibing in my corner, and by experience, it usually meant i ended up talking about more niche things, but since i'm disconnected from the fandom i'm pretty sure i still have opinions that are popular opinions. So who knows! not me!

So yeah that's all i can say about the popularity of the a3 fandom. Def not an indication of it by me.

and it must be funny for you since you only really have me as your fandom gateaway because well. *waves at post* yeah.

The more you know!