#THANK YOU FATE I WILL NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NEXT 3 SHITTY THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO ME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heyitsyn · 4 years

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Enough

a/n: your sensei has come bearing gifts!!! hope you like my gift and happy 100 follower milestone everyone!!!! thank you for the ultimate support and love you’ve given me despite being only in this writer community for only about a week!! i hope to share more milestones w yall and hopefully more stories!!! byeeee

oikawa tooru x reader

(this is the full and last part of the oikawa angst)

Strangers.

That’s all you were.

Years of memories that were created before you could even walk, gone and forgotten for a relationship that didn’t even last a year.

Your parents have stopped asking for you both to interact during dinner, eventually getting used to you both not showing up to joint family meals, and there were no longer interactions shared for the next 3 years.

Until that fateful phone call.

It was about 2 in the morning and you were woken up by the loud and strong vibration from your phone that laid on top of your pillow beside you. You groaned at being woken up at such an ungodly hour on a school day so you didn’t budge and went back to sleep. But it continued for how many times and you made an irritated noise before finally opening your eyes and snatching it up to shout at who was calling you so early and why they needed you so badly.

“Hajime, I swear-”

“y/n, thank God,” he breathed out. “I know, I know, Tooru, she answered and I’m talking to her right now. You’ll be okay, alright? Here, just squeeze my hand.”

There was a bad feeling in your gut and when you heard him talking to, apparently, Tooru, you were already putting on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt over your sleeping shirt before running downstairs to get your shoes and almost ripping the fridge door to get ice packs on both hands.

“Hajime, it’s his knee, right?” You asked urgently, rummaging through the closet to get your emergency bag.

You had a sigh of relief when you found the old thing and bolted out of the house.

“H-How-”

“Practice match with Karasuno. I saw it. So, what’s wrong?”

“The shitty bastard called me because he was hurt and he couldn’t move since he messed up his knee and ankle.”

“Seijoh gym, right?”

Then there was a cry in the background.

“Yes. Now, please hurry, y/n. I know, Bakakawa! I’m telling her to hurry-!”

But you ended the call, focusing on biking faster, as fast as you could, because the longer he was hurt without medical attention, the riskier and bigger consequences were going to happen. His injuries were no surprise to you but hearing that pained shout from the other line got you to jump into action, regardless your feelings or your past.

Your bike was carelessly dumped to the side as you ran all the way to where you could hope was the gym building and you sighed in relief when you saw the bright light and the buff body of Iwaizumi Hajime pacing at the front.

“Haji!” You shouted and his eyebrows reduced from its intense furrowing before pointing behind him.

“I was already on my way to check on him when he called about being hurt but I had no ice or meds. You were my only option.”

There laid, Oikawa Tooru, clutching his ankle and knee with tears streaming down his face and his eyes tightly shut to block out anything from his sight.

Your knees slid across the floor as you quickly went to his side before you gently pried his hands from clutching his right knee and his ankle.

“Tooru,” you softly called out. His eyes flew open at your voice and his face crumpled up as a sob ripped through his throat and echoed through the gym. “It’s okay. I’m here now, it’s okay.”

You kept mumbling those words as you took off your sweatshirt and bundled it up so he could rest his knee on it. Iwa offered his jacket to elevate his ankle and you were hurriedly placing ice packs on his injured parts to prevent the bleeding in his tissues while taking out elastic tape so you could compress his ankle and knee.

“Tooru, listen to me, I know it hurts right now and I know you’re in so much pain but I need you to be strong okay? I know you hate taking pills but you need to be brave and take these so that the pain will be gone. They’re tiny little things so it won’t be hard but I’ll hold you as you take them, alright?”

Oikawa could barely register what you were saying as he was just focusing on your voice and the way your lips move.

God, has it been so long since you’ve last spoken a word to him that he completely forgot how your lips looked like as you pronounced each sound?

Only when you sat behind him and pulled him to your chest did he figure out what was happening. Iwaizumi forcefully shoved a bottle of water and gave him two white pain medicine pills.

He looked back at you to protest but once he saw your gentle smile did he breathe harshly before taking both pills at the same time and chugging down the water. You were about to scold him with the harm of taking more than one pill but quieted down when he made a hissing sound after he finished drinking.

“Breathe in and out,” you soothed.

He coughed and grimaced when it throbbed again. “But it hurts!”

Your brain began to race a thousand miles an hour to try and figure out a way for him to calm down but you were so worried that you couldn’t come up with anything. Then it struck you.

You haven’t done this in years due to the lack of interaction but this has worked every time he had a panic attack. By the looks of this, he was on his way to another one.

“Tooru, give me your hand, okay?” You laid out yours, only for him to shakily put his hand on top of it.

You turned it over so his palm was up and your other arm wrapped around him so you could reach his hand. Then you began tracing.

“Star!”

“Cloud!”

“Moon!”

He shouted every answer as you drew shapes into his tan skin and you proceeded into using simple addition problems to get his mind off of the pain and into something more practical like numbers.

“4!”

“18!”

“26!”

Iwaizumi watched in amazement as you were able to keep Tooru from jumping over the edge by simply writing characters on his palm and his olive eyes only widened as his best friend reduced the volume of his voice into whispers.

“Monkey.”

“Turtle.”

“Bread.”

“Milk.”

“Tree.”

Then he fell asleep.

The poor thing must’ve exhausted himself from training and the pain and crying.

His slump form remained against you and you tightened your hold around him, your own tears finally falling.

“I was so afraid this would happen,” you whispered out, noticing Iwa’s worried stare at you. “When he started this bullshit in middle school, all this obsessive behavior for defeating that dastardly Ushijima, I was so scared he would break himself. And he did.”

You choked out a sob.

“Haji, he hit me, did you know that?” You whimpered, not wanting to see his reaction with the thought of his best friend hitting the girl he has been crying and whining about for years. “Actually, he was about to hit Tobio but I pushed him away and took it instead because I was responsible for him as his manager.”

The words continued to spill out and you didn’t give a damn that you were spilling this out on your ex-boyfriend/best friend’s best friend.

“He felt so inferior to everyone, against Tobio for his genius ability, against Ushijima for being able to beat him for years, everyone. And there was nothing I could to prevent him from feeling so.” Iwa has now sat on the floor, noticing the melting ice pack which was making water roll down the bag.

“Instead, I was selfish and complained about not spending time with him because he was so obsessed with volleyball. For winning. But I really think I let go because I didn’t want to see him in any more pain. I didn’t want to see him torture himself anymore.”

Your fingers swept through Tooru’s damp forehead to push back the hair that stuck on the skin from his sweat.

“Then when he told me that I was actually a distraction and that he didn’t need me anymore, I saw it as the perfect opportunity. So I took it. And dammit, I feel so horrible. I will forever regret that I couldn’t help him and cut off all contact just because I was scared of what would happen next. Don’t you see, Iwa? I did this to him. This is my fault. All because I wasn’t there to stop him.”

Your tired, sad eyes finally met Hajime’s surprised olive ones.

“I wanted to talk, to rekindle at least friendship. But I knew that once I do, I’ll fall in love all over again and I’d be forced to watch him break and kill himself just for a damn trip to Tokyo. To hell with that. So I stayed away. I called him selfish but you see, I was the selfish one. It just sucks that I was able to realize it once it was too late.”

“Patellar Tendonitis.”

A normal person would’ve been confused with those words if it was directed at them but you knew what they meant, knowing they were directed towards the boy in your arms.

“Messed it up during training camp over the summer. Then his ankle got sprained. Shit went down from there.”

Your entire body trembled at the pain and suffering this boy went through and your tears flowed faster as he was so desperate for everyone’s approval that he covered it up with a smile and continued practicing.

Oh what a peculiar boy Tooru is.

“I shouldn’t have come-”

“No, you needed to.” Iwa cut you off. “For three years, he’s done nothing but mope around and cry for a girl he broke up with in middle school. During an age where you don’t even know what the hell love is, he sure got a pretty solid definition of that. And that definition, is you.”

“Iwa, you’re making me cry more!” You whined and brokenly laughed.

“It’s true,” he reasoned while leaning on his hands behind him. “This might sound creepy but he checks whenever your bedroom light is off at a certain time so he was sure you’d be able to sleep enough. If not, he secretly complains to your mother and she tells you to stop studying, right?”

You mutedly nodded, shocked at what you were hearing.

Was all that really true?

Has he been doing this since first year and throughout now?

“And this makes me feel more like shit.” Your voice cracked. “I want to just graduate and forget about this idiot and live my life. But I just can’t! Not when he’s doing this to himself.”

Iwa sighed, annoyed at his best friends’ stupid dilemma. “You know what, this thing Shittykawa is doing to himself, it’s always going to be like this. I’m sorry, y/n, but this is going to be our reality for the next few years. He’s already got his sights on playing professionally and that means more training for him to feel like he’s on the same level as those foreign players. But you need to accept him for that.” He chuckled and ran his hands through his spiky hair. “It took me a long time to accept it but he’s always going to be this shitty person who will continue to break himself just to earn a single point in a match. But to him, it’s worth it, right? As much as he pisses me the hell off, he’s still my friend and I’d just have to continuously check in on him and make sure he’s still able to walk.”

Wow, that was the last thing you would happen. Iwaizumi Hajime talking about Oikawa Tooru, the boy he always punched and threw around, with such pride in his voice.

“Just remember that, kay?”

It was a silent walk back home as you carried the boys’ and your bags while Iwa had the unconscious Oikawa on his back. Upon reaching his front door, you realized it was locked and you knew if his mother found you at the dead of morning, she’d give him an earful and that was the last thing you needed. So you offered your place, instead, taking his sleeping body straight to your room.

“Go home, Haji. He’s not going to school tomorrow so you can come over and keep him company so you don’t miss him too much,” you teased.

He grunted quietly before ruffling your head. “Like hell I would. But remember what I said, y/n. Don’t expect a change. Just accept what you have right now.”

When he finally left, you sat on the floor beside your bed, holding the hand of the currently wincing Tooru. He was having a nightmare and if you could guess, it was probably him being beaten by Shiratorizawa in a game.

“Look at me, years later from ignoring you, letting you sleep on my bed and trying to accept you. I’m truly pathetic, right, Tooru?” You whispered, leaning against his hand which was encased on your own. “During the practice match, you said you were being unfair, right? Well, I’m the one not being fair. After causing you years of confusion and pain, a mere few hours has caused me to accept you all over again.”

“Why?” His groggy voice startled you and made your grip loosen but he snatched it back up, squeezing it. “Why now?”

Your face twisted as new tears would emerge and you gave him a sad smile, “Because I just realized something. I realized that you, Oikawa Tooru, deserve to be loved. Just as you are.”

A sleepy smile appeared on his beautifully child-like face, “I’m glad.”

When you fell for him, you expected him to catch you or at least help you up. But no hand reached out for you. Then you realized that Tooru fell and landed the exact same time as you did so there was no way he would’ve been able to catch you or help you.

“Breathing the same air, in the same space, is enough to fall in love. I realized that it’s enough, actually more than enough.”

Despite just waking up, he was now able to fully process what you said and with the pain of his injuries and the lack of sleep, he was overly emotional and cursed as he started sobbing and crying.

You were finally going to take him back. You were finally going to be his again.

Your eyes softened at this and you delicately held his face in your hands, cupping it so he could look at you and boy, did his heart do a weird jump kick.

Your eyes were so warm, so full of love, that he felt naked under your gaze.

No cover, no mask, just love.

And it is enough.

“I will always regret those three years, Oikawa Tooru. But if you’d let me, I’ll willingly and diligently spend the rest of my lifetime making it up to you and helping you stand whenever you fall.”

He playfully glared at you then opened his arms for a hug, which you immediately accepted.

“You already gave your entire life to me once you promised to fall in love with me forever, baka.” You cringed at the nudge of his finger on your forehead but you smiled at him.

“I was, like, 10, Tooru.”

“But right at this exact spot, I started to fall for you and I knew there would be no one else that I’d love.”

“I’m still angry that you wanted to hit Tobio but I will have to punish you once you do something like that again, right?”

“Hah?! Stop talking about Tobio, y/n-chan!”

“He was a literal baby, Tooru. Actually, if you try and hit any of your underclassmen, I’ll hit you. And there would be no milk bread for a month.”

“HAH?! MILK BREAD?! NO FAIR, Y/N-CHAN!”

“hm? But it’s totally fair, though?”

…

In the end the author completely lied regarding a sentence from earlier.

Actually a few sentences, but that’s besides the point.

There was no ending, no final farewells, just happy beginnings and hopes for the future with a few bags of milk bread.

Because years later, those same exact words were written on a different photograph. However, there wasn’t that much of a difference because it still held a smiling and happy family. But this time, it was you and Tooru, just with an additional baby boy and baby girl.

a/n: i teased you guys too much and im so sorry!!!! but i couldnt resist not giving them a happy ending and i was getting a lot of asks for at least a part 2 so i do what the people wants!!!! now i think i might take a day or two for a break but idk i might end up posting something tomorrow probably

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too-scared-to-do-this · 4 years

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Of the Devil’s head

Chapter three - Sneaky as a house fire

Sander’s sides fanfiction

Wordcount: 1165

Ships: still just plain old eventual prinxiety

TW: Ammmm.... I mean, death? Can dead people die again? Oh well... Some mentions of fire and burning stuff down, a bunch of complaining, mention of torture (nothing specific) and I think that’s all. If I missed anything let me know :)

Summary of the whole story: They say, the one that wears the crown rules all - the living, the dead, the walking, the crawling, the rooted, the sane and the mad. They say, once you own the crown, you become the most powerful being on Earth and beyond. Roman’s stolen bigger things - a measly little crown won’t present a problem, even if he has to steel it straight off of the devils head!

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Chapter three - Sneaky as a house fire

Roman burst out laughing.

A cave? Really? They could have done literally anything else and that would be less cliché than a freaking cave!

Like, carving a hole in a tree. Or making a trap-door-like-contraption in the ground. For god’s sake, they are demons, they have powers - they could’ve made a portal! But no! These idiots went with a cave.

But, what did he expect? They left signs for if they got lost on the way back. Apparently, these creatures weren’t as smart as people gave them credit for.

He shook his head still snickering. This mission seemed to be getting easier and easier. If the servants were this simple-minded, how smart could the King be?

And while Roman took his sweet time entering the endless darkness; much, much deeper in the cave, the crackling and buzzing of Hell’s residents was in full swing.

“No! Please no! Please NO! NO! NOOOO!”

“Agh this is getting so annoying! Like, can you not? I’m trying to keep my hearing, thank you!” a servant rolled his eyes, pulling on the next soul’s arms. It pleaded and cried just like the one before, and just like for that one - it didn’t help. Remi sighed bored-ly and pushed him into the pit. “You see what I mean, babe? Bo-ring.”

The soul he was talking to was completely and utterly terrified.

The demon paid him no mind, though, and kept on talking. “Since Virgie lost his interest in torturing those measly humans it’s no fun here!” he tossed another soul down the cliff. It was it’s tun - the talked-to one’s.

Remi sighed again, falling into a daydream. “You guys have it so easy! Just stan around for days and then fall into the abyss. And you cry so much! I have it so much worse! I have been stuck here, working, for millennia! And there’s not a single Starbucks down here!!!”

The soul galped.

“HHhhh….” deflated, Remi rolled his eyes and sent it flying down the hole. “They don’t pay me enough for this…”

And while Remi kept on pushing damned souls into the fiery pit of Hell, Virgil sat on his throne, sprawled out. Scrawling through tumbler aimlessly.

It took him literal years to figure out how time worked down here. Turns out it doesn’t. You’re a timeless being living in a timeless hole. But tends to forget about it. Millenia is a long time to keep track of…

All he knows, that it’s been much over 2000 years since he first sat on this throne. It hasn’t gotten any comfier - the same shitty stone seat as before.

His father used to say he’d get comfortable once he got used to ruling. Well. Save to say neither of those things ever happened.

So now V just sits, scrolling through tumbler, bored out of his mind. Torturing souls isn’t fun anymore. And humans just don’t interest him. They all want the same thing - money and fame. No matter what time-line you’re in, it’s always like that.

No wonder so many people end up here.

It’d be fun to talk to someone though… anyone.

“Agh! Virgieeeeeee! I am soooo booooreeeed!” came Remis wine as he entered the throne-hall.

Well maybe not anyone.

He put his phone down and sat up a bit straighter, one leg still over the armrest. “Then go do something, Remington. there’s always work to do around here. Go look around and you’ll find something interesting.”

The skeptical glare the servant through at his king was beyond acceptable. But with him doing this for years, V just got used to it and didn’t pay it any mind. The dramatic demon slumped his shoulders and threw out his hands. “You know what I’m talking about, Vee. There is literally nothing to do here!”

“Well, what do you want me to do? I can’t exactly up and leave. And I can’t let you out either.”

“Oh, come on! That happened one time!”

“Remington, you burned down a Starbucks because they didn’t get the drink you wanted.”

“Yeees… I diiiiid… but she was being so mean to me! I politely asked and she refused to give it to me!”

“You burned down the whole building.”

“Babe, I needed that coffee!” he threw his hands in the air. Virgil just razed a single eyebrow at this. “Oh, my gosh! Okay, okay. I was wrong I get it… But I am a demon after all, it’s my job to do bad.” the servant grinned cheekily as if that would excuse any of his actions. “Besides, you used to love when we tortured humans. You can’t tell me you don’t miss their screams of terror!”

If Virge was honest with himself, he really did miss the rush of it all. But the faces of those people, the screams… They have all been haunting him since then. Coming back in his dreams to wake him. To ask him what wrong did they do to deserve such a fate… And V didn’t know. many of those people probably didn’t even deserve what they did to them… So, no. He didn’t miss it one bit. “You tell me. You are a Mind-reader, after all.”

“Agh! You’re no fun!” Remi rolled his eyes. “I miss Fun Virgil. If you see him, please tell him I desperately need him to come back!”

Just then, Virgil caught something in his peripheral. A white thing rushing between the thick stalagmite columns. He watched it sprint out and hide behind the next. Getting closer to the throne.

V bit his lip. Now this was something interesting. This might just turn out to be fun. The entity leaped out again, moving to the next stalagmite.

The devil looked back at his servant and grinned. “You want Fun Virgil back?” Remi turned his head with interest, eyebrows high on his forehead, grin in place. “Watch this.” the kind mouthed, nodding slightly towards the moving white blur.

The servant’s eyes widened. The sharp intake of breath that was done purely for dramatics, earned a silent glare from the devil. “So… you want me to get back to work then?” Remi tried to correct his mistake; eyes glued to the uninvited entity in the room.

“Yes, that would be great. There are many souls that need to be terminated. I don’t want Hell to get overcrowded.” V played along having lost the white blur from his sight.

Roman, who still thought he managed to get this far completely unnoticed, tried to climb the gigantic stone throne from the back. His plan was to reach around the side very quickly and snatch the crown off of the devil’s head. Then run, obviously.

It wasn’t really Roman’s strong suit, this planning stuff. But that never stopped him before.

He was so close already! Just had to slowly stick his hand out and grab the cr-

He didn’t estimate the distance he had to reach for correctly…

Roman went flying over the thrown straight onto the devil himself.

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Ouuh I’m back! And I wrote another chapter! Be proud!

No writers-block is stopping me from making Roman embarrass himself in front of the Devil!

So... I don’t know when the next chapter’s coming... I’ll do my best, but school has started again and my little bro’s on zoom-school too, so I’m basically doing homework for both of us.

I’ll keep you updated though :D

Anyways, as always, I really really hope you liked it! <3

Thanks for reading! :3

Tag list:

@alice-only-me

#hell in its gruesomely funny glory #of the devil's head #demon/thief au #Virgil the king of hell #Roman the thief #prinxiety #prinxiety fanfiction #ts roman #ts virgil #ts remi #sleep #tomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #what else should I tag?

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tastefullynefarious · 5 years

Text

Torment never looked so goddamn fine

Chapter 1 / 10 - Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

So... this happened... Season 3 got me feeling all kinds of ways :))

Quick sneak peak into what you’re heading into if you do decide to read this little story of mine.

1) About the 'reader’, she’s one of the kids from the MKUltra project thing, though she’s not nearly as powerful as El. I decided to give her a name instead of the whole Y/N thing, thought...well, you’ll see :)) 10 points to your house if you guess where she picked the name from, hehehe

A little disclaimer about her powers: I actually took the idea from a book i love - Vicious by V.E. Schwabb, so not my idea at all, just borrowing.

2) Wanted to make this ANGST!!! All the angst, but keeps slipping into mushy romance, so I guess it’s somewhere in between :)))

3) Writing this for fun and to give Billy more time to shine. Gone, but never forgotten!

Words: 3,037

Warnings: Really? There’s gonna be a lot, just not in this chapter I think... Also, beware of the aesthetics/moodboards! I live for them.

That being said, hope you enjoy!

Risin' up, back on the street

Did my time, took my chances

Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet

Just a man and his will to survive

Windows rolled down and sunglasses on, she made a sharp turn to exit the highway after checking the map for the hundredth time. It still seemed surreal that her mission was bringing her to Indiana of all places, but she got more and more excited as she approached her destination. Six missing persons reports, one confirmed death and another supposed resurrection, the latter being the last drop that made her come all the way across country. Something shady was going down in that otherwise uneventful town and if it was what she hoped, she would finally put an end to sleepless nights and anxiety ridden days. No more looking over her shoulder wherever she went and perhaps, one day, she'd finally be able to settle down somewhere, have an actual life.

She passed the town sign in a blur. Hawkins, Indiana, Population 30.000 - the last chapter of her epic quest, if fate was on her side, which it usually wasn't. Still, she was hopeful. She deserved a break and most of all, closure. She parked her Chevy in front of the motel just outside town and checked in for the whole week. Now that she was older it was easier to travel, less questions raised. The ID she had was entirely fake, not that she knew the truth to begin with. There were perhaps a few years added to her age if her calculation were remotely correct, but not too much that she'd get comments about it and just enough to go place freely. A smile always plastered on her face and replies like 'visiting family' and 'don't want to impose on them' always gave her a free pass. Motel 6 was no different and before she knew it, she was in her room - lucky number 13 - ready to set her base of operation.

She placed her duffel bag in the middle of the room and checked around. The room itself was nice, though nothing special. There was no option for a room with any kind of kitchenette or even a refrigerator which was a bummer. The bed was queen sized and the mattress comfy, not that she ever slept much. If she worked fast enough, that would hopefully change. The first floor offered enough privacy and opportunity to escape if needed. The bathroom also had a window large enough for her to squeeze through, but the bathtub was what caught her eye. Or the lack of one to be more precise. She was longing for a hot bubble bath, but she'd have to make due with a steaming shower instead. She thought that could be some kind of metaphor for life or something, make due with what life hands you, but didn't dwell on it too much as she went back to her bag and took out a smaller map and her notebook. It was time to get to work. The more time she wasted, the more opportunities 'papa' had to find her. Even in her own mind, the word dripped with venom.

She spent the next 20 minutes reanalyzing the map of Hawkins and reading the news reports on one Will Byers, the boy who came back to life. Her fist guess had been that the lab was taking people again for experiments, but there had been no obvious pattern in the missing people and the girl that died was in highschool, too old to take as a project on and too young to test on. Unless of course she was pregnant, which was still a possibility. The truly weird thing was the boy. Had he escaped? Was the initial 'death' a cover up, but the mother found a way to prove her son was taken? Every news outlet let the world know that the people responsible had been punished, but none mentioned Brenner. Was he still running the place? She circled the empty area on the map where the lab would be and decided she should scout the place out. As she got up from where she was laying on the bed and went to pick up her keys her stomach growled. She'd scout the place, right after she'd eat something.

The store came into view fast, the map of the town already burned in her mind. She parked the car fast and darted inside, the cool air pleasant on her heated skin. She had been wandering for a while from isle to isle, not entirely sure what she wanted to get, when she stumbled upon a girl trying to reach a box of cereal way out of her reach.

"Damn it!" She smiled at the girl, probably not older than 13 and moved towards her.

"Here, I can get that for you."

"Thank you." The girl smiled back kindly and put the box in a cart, barely managing to push it. She watched her for a moment, wincing when the small redhead almost crashed in another customer. Normally, she'd help without question, but she wanted to keep as low a profile as possible. But wasn't not helping even more suspicions? Besides, she was just a child; surely there was no harm in helping one kid.

"Hey, you alone here, kid?"

"I'm alone. Well, my shitty brother was supposed to help, but his lazy ass stayed in the car."

"I can help with the cart if you want."

"You don't have to…"

"Don't be silly, I want to." She moved to push the cart instead, letting the girl hold her basket instead.

"It's really nice of you, thanks. Name's Max, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Max. I'm Sandy." There had a been split second when she thought not go give her name, but almost laughed at the concept: a fake name for her already make-belief one on her ID. They shook hands, the little girl smiling brightly. Sandy wondered if she was usually so open to strangers or was she really dreading to haul herself against the cart any longer. "So, do you still need to get stuff?"

"Just a few." The little girl got a piece of paper out of her back pocket and lead the way through the store. Sandy couldn't help but look at all the products in the cart. Vegetables, milk, flour, at least three types of meat, condiments, all things used to prepare some proper meals. She wondered when was the last time she ate anything besides fast food and chips. As if on cue, Max's voice brought her out of her daydreaming about a steaming plate of Ground Turkey Sweet Potato Skillet. Ah, with lots of garlic! Sandy's mouth was watering from the mere thought of it.

"Is this all you're getting?" She was brought out of her little food fantasy and eyed the items in her own basket: cheap beer and chocolate chi cookies.

"I guess." She smiled sheepishly, biting her lover lip as the little redhead watched her with a raised eyebrow. Sandy raised her shoulders in defeat and just a hint of embarrassment. "I decided I will go out to eat tonight. I think I saw a nice restaurant a little back down the road." The girl's face lit up with the genuine curiosity that came with youth.

"Oh, you're not from Hawkins either?"

"I guess I'm not. And here I was hoping you could tell me if there are any cool places around town." If anyone was going to know know anything about secret lab in the forest it was going to be the kids in town: reckless and not completely aware of the consequences. Maybe that was what happened to the Will boy.

"The Arcade is nice, but other than that I haven't explored much. Basically everything you'll need is downtown though, so you're in the place."

"Thanks, kid." They approached the register and she helped the girl bag her stuff and even carry them since there was no way she could on her own. She was lost in thought again, wondering if she should check the lab first or go eat, when Max spoke again.

"You said you're staying at a motel, right? What brought you to Hawkins if not relatives? You planning to move here"

"Nah, just passing through. I'm a bit of a wandered I suppose."

"That's so cool. You must have been in so many awesome places. And with no one to constantly pester you." Sandy smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She always felt weird when someone complained about their parents or family in general, when she never had any of her own. But she also never could retort that being raised in a lab was worse than having your mother make you clean your room and finish your homework. Still, she tried to be nice to the kid.

"Ah, you'll see they mean well, your parents."

"It's… it's not my parents. I mean I love my mom, but my step dad and his son are awful." So she was coming from a broken home. Sandy would have given anything even for that distorted version of a family. No matter how annoying and mundane, it would have been 'normal', everything that she wasn't and probably never will be, even after she'd slayed her demon. But she wouldn't let her bitterness show. Max was just a kid, she would grow soon enough and see that family was a bound you found nowhere else. Bld was thicker than water and all that. "And now we moved all the way here. At least when we were in Cali I could still spend weekends with dad."

"I'm sorry, Max. I'm sure you'll see your father will visit when he can. And if not, you'll be old enough to go to him before you know it."

"Not sure Neil would like that very much." Sandy was about to ask if Neil was the step dad, but the girl continued almost immediately. "And then there's the devil himself." She followed her gaze to the blue Camaro and the boy standing on its hood, eyes glaring daggers at either Max or herself.

"That's your brother?"

"Yeah, it's Billy." They were still pretty far from him, but Sandy could see he was, like all devils, a handsome one. From the way his jeans wrapped tightly on his thighs and his opened button shirt, his whole attitude screamed confidence and there were few things sexier than that.

"Well hot damn."

"No, please, not you too. He's a complete tool."

"Hm, most pretty boys are, you'll see soon enough." They giggled as they approached the boy, Sandy sneaking a few looks at his car as well. A tool maybe, but he had good taste.

Billy had been bored out of his mind, despite having parked for only a few minutes. What was taking that little shithead so long to buy whatever Susan had put down on that stupid list? He knew, in the back of his mind, that there was no reason to be so angry, especially at Max, who hated their situation just as much, if not more. After all, her father was still back home and actually wanted to spend time with his kid. Somehow, that thought drove him even madder. His knuckles turned white around the steering wheel, jaw clenching so hard his teeth began to hurt but he didn't mind the pain, he hadn't for a long time. He eyed the store's door, hoping to see Max, but of course he wouldn't, she'd left just a few minutes prior. He just hated waiting, hated being alone with his thoughts in daylight where he knew he would eventually snap at someone, most of the times the little shithead herself. He hated he was so angry all the time, but that only got him angrier still. He was like a bull who fluttered the red flag in front of his own face. Hopeless and useless, he deserved the pain and he deserved being brought all the way to Nowhere, Indiana. They'd been there for only a few days and he was already going stir crazy. The people were idiots, the girls were boring and the whole place was just shit.

He got out of the car for air, closing the door with a little too much force and regretting it immediately. After the hell he went through to getting that Camaro… He let out a long sigh and pressed both hands on the hood, his head hanging in between. He had one year of highschool left and then he could go back to California. He didn't care he had no actual place to stay or plan to make a living for himself. All he needed was his car and some money for gas and food. Once there, he'd figure things out.

When his temper cooled down, he lifted his head and his eyes landed on a red 67 Chevy Impala. It didn't compare to his Camaro, but it was still a beautiful car, despite looking like it had seen better days. He noticed one of the back doors was dented in, the passenger window slightly cracked and the rust eating here and there, definitely in need of a paint job. But otherwise it was in pretty good condition for such an old car. The last thing he noticed was the registration plate - 007 DOL, Florida - and a small turtle sticker placed besides it. His fists clenched as his mind wandered to the beaches again. Why couldn't they have moved closer to any ocean? Florida would have been far away from Max's father to placate Neil and close to his only solace, the beach.

He turned to go after Max at the thought of getting home late and his fathers temper, but stopped when he saw her coming out of the store, a young woman on tow. Both had their hands filled with paper bags, one in each hand. Had the shopping list been so long? He hadn't cared enough to even check. Arms folded as he propped himself on the hood of his car and stared at the girl besides his stepsister. There was nothing particularly impressive about her. She was wearing an ugly plaid shirt, at least twice her size, stuffed in some equally baggy jeans and worn leather boots. He wondered momentarily if she had stolen her father's shirt, before shaking his head and putting her out of his mind. He doubted he would have noticed her if she wasn't in Max's company so there was no need to give her a second thought. But as the two neared him, all giggles and whispers, he saw a glint in her eyes as she looked him up and down and couldn't help the smirk on his lips. Even if there was not much to her, it was always exhilarating to be the cause of that lust-filled stare and even more thrilling to play with it.

"You must be the infamous stepbrother."

"Yeah, thanks for helping her. I'm Billy." He extended his arm to take the bags from Max, but she only gave him the largest one, all while glaring at him. He ignored her, eyes barely leaving the young woman as he popped open the trunk of his car. "And you are?"

"A complete stranger." She was smiling, playing hard to get, but he saw the way she checked him out. She closed the space between them and placed the bags she was holding in the trunk as well. "These are all yours." She smirked as her eyes wandered, accentuating a little cut on her upper lip, barely visible until then. He was about to thank her again, but Max beat him to it, all bouncy and smiling.

"Thanks again for the help, you're a lifesaver." Max handed her the smaller of all the bags and when she wrapped her left hand around it, the sleeves rolled up just enough to reveal some intricate tattoo on her left wrist. "Maybe I'll see you at the Arcade some time."

"Don't mention it, Max. And sure, I'll check it out later" She then moved her eyes on him and he couldn't help but stare at that little cut on her lip as she spoke. It was oddly appealing and if anything it actually made her stand out from the millions of pretty faces.

"Maybe I'll see you around as well, Billy." She winked at him and waved at Max and to his utmost surprise she hopped in the Chevy he had been admiring earlier, 'Eye of the tiger' barely audible from within as she rolled out of the parking lot.

"Who was that?" He had half a mind to follow her as he got in his car and started the engine. He would have if the little shit wasn't with and if Neil wasn't waiting for them to get back. The girl was direct enough to make him believe she was up for a good time. Max rolled her eyes at him, but he let it slide. Who knew the little shithead could be a chick magnet?

"She's new in town too." There was a small pause, her eyes going back and forth from the road to him. "Just passing through though, so don't get your hopes up."

He scoffed, but didn't argue with her, the little shit was obviously lying. The girl was staying long enough if she was making plans to check the Arcade. Long enough for a little one night stand on the back of his car. Or maybe even hers. He had two purposed now. The first, dethrone the so called King Steve. The second, bang mystery Florida girl. Billy decided that if he was going to be stuck for a year in Indiana, he would at least make the most of it.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove x oc #love at first sting #fanfiction #i need help #Torment never looked so goddamn fine

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its-love-u-asshole · 6 years

Text

Salt Water and Seasickness [fic]

Summary: Tsukishima was used to being a stowaway. He was used to being on the run, surviving whatever life threw at him. So how he had ended up on the most dangerous pirate king's ship was a little beyond him.

Rating: T

Tags: pirate au, first meetings, minor depictions of blood/violence bc yeah Kuroo plunders towns n things, but he’s still a nerd...just a vicious one

Note: This fic is a commission for one of my favorite people @serviceace <3 Pinta is amazing and this fic is based off some hcs she thought up, and that I’m so happy I got to write! I hope you enjoy, and thanks to @emeraldwaves for reading this over!

AO3

The abused wood of the damp floor creaked and moaned under the weight of the ship, and Tsukishima wondered if it were possible for the rafters to cave in, crushing him.

Maybe he'd be better off that way.

There were no windows down here, far below deck, only a leaking roof and the picturesque view of rats scurrying across the floor. It stunk of fish and preserved rations, and Tsukishima's bare feet scraped against the chipped wood. He grimaced at the sensation, and coupled with the stench, his skin felt as though it would crawl up and off his body.

There was a rumbling crash of thunder, and the ship swayed violently on the restless sea. Thank god Tsukishima didn't get sea sick.

But he did get cold easily, and he huddled in on himself, shaking. His waistcoat and undershirt were still soaked, even though he'd been hiding in the ship ever since it left the last port, eight hours prior. Something told him he'd never be dry, but he was used to it. The cold hadn't killed him yet, no matter how torturous it was for his body.

Tsukishima was no stranger to harsh conditions, and he could bitch and whine as good as the rest of them, but at the end of the day he survived. He would be the last one standing when the world went up in flames, not from any kind of bravery or determination, but from pure stubbornness.

That's probably why he had no qualms about stowing away on the ship of the sea's most feared pirate king, known for slaughtering a thousand men without any unnecessary blade strokes.

Tsukshima said he was stubborn, not smart. Though...he wasn't a slouch in that department either. He might've been kicked out of medical school, but not for shitty grades. He'd been top of his class, and those skills kept him alive.

At the thought of coming face to face with the blood red pirate king Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima couldn't help but glare at the mold growing on the ship's beams.

I'd like to see him try to kill me.

That was far from a reasonable thought, or an admirable one. Not like he had any use for either. But with any luck, Tsukishima would never have to meet this Kuroo Tetsurou, nor the calamity which seemed to follow him everywhere.

Tsukishima remembered the first time he'd seen Kuroo destroy a town.

In fact, he was no stranger to seeing pirate fleets loot and ransack homes and businesses. Kuroo's raid wasn't the first he'd seen, but it had been the first to make him stop and stare.

Usually, raids were predictable. Some fire here, some bloodshed there...it was so gruesome and gritty that after a while, Tsukishima became numb to it. As long as he knew where to hide, knew how to negotiate...he'd be safe. What happened to the rest of the town couldn't be of his concern. He wasn't a hero.

So when the notorious Kuroo Tetsurou washed ashore with his swords and guns, the smell of ash and soot wafting along the sea edge, Tsukishima knew what to expect.

And for a while, things were normal. Kuroo's crew devastated the town guard in what felt like mere minutes. True to legend, Kuroo's swords must've been forged from the finest metal out there, because they cut through flesh and sinew like butter. Blood streamed down the roads, polluting the springs until they ran crimson, but nothing looked as grisly as Kuroo himself.

The sun kissed his tan skin, but the angelic rays didn't take away from his grim appearance. Actually, the contrast almost made the captain look inhuman, like a demon, or Ares himself. The red coat he wore bore gold accents, like a flame, and it danced in the wind as Kuroo's sword pierced the chest of a soldier.

Kuroo's pure white undershirt was drenched with blood, stretched open to expose his discolored chest.

Oh. No, not discolored. Battle scars. Trophies. Proof that no matter how many men had tried, no one could kill him. Kuroo's grin was triumphant, no trace of disgust or displeasure there at all. Tsukishima had never seen a pirate king look so pleased during a slaughter. Maybe after. Maybe when he got a particularly good kill in. But to just smile like that...Tsukishima was entranced from the start.

Kuroo's hair stood up at horrid angles, but rather than tremble in fear over the captain's potentially surly nature, Tsukishima had the urge to smooth the mess down with salt water.

Tsukishima recalled Kuroo's image in vivid detail, because he'd made the mistake of standing directly in his path.

Tsukishima hadn't meant to, he'd simply wandered down the wrong road at the wrong time. Bodies sat strewn in the street, and most homes were boarded up for families to hide in them. But Tsukishima had tried to get away instead of seeking shelter, and it could've cost him his life. One turn down what he thought would be a desolate road brought him face to face with Kuroo, pulling out his sword from another body.

Tsukishima didn't consider himself to scare easily anymore, but he felt his heart drop to his stomach, like it already knew they were about to be dragged straight to hell. Realistically, Tsukishima knew he was done for. He stood frozen, weaponless, with nothing but a messenger bag of medical texts by his side. He hated himself, and he cursed his carelessness, his unfair fate.

Except, Kuroo didn't approach him. The raven, gore soaked and grinning, just winked at him, and their eyes searched each other's for five never-ending beats of Tsukishima's heart. Weirdly enough, Tsukishima's shoulders relaxed, and he watched Kuroo run off after the spell broke between them. Tsukishima hadn't known what to do. He should've probably ran for the hills, gotten to higher ground, stolen a carriage, anything.

He'd gotten lucky.

But his brain and his heart didn't listen, and soon his feet were walking on their own accord towards the red shoreline.

And then something else unexpected happened. For the first time in all his years, Kuroo managed to surprise Tsukishima in his looting practices. Kuroo evacuated the fucking town. As in, he didn't kill or threaten any of the civilians, and Tsukishima was again left speechless.

Who was this man?

Tsukishima wasn't sure he wanted to know. But maybe he should've thought about that before he was running across the sand, right for Kuroo's ship.

And those were the dumb decisions which led him to stow away below decks, as well as the decisions which led to having a knife pressed against his throat.

Awesome.

Tsukishima winced as the cold steel broke skin, but it didn't stop him from snarling at his captor defiantly. He refused to give an explanation, his only regret was getting caught, and he was not going to beg for his life.

"Last chance, scum. Who are you?" One of Kuroo's subordinates screamed in his face, the knife digging deeper. Had Tsukishima had more energy, he would've complained about the troublesome volume. Tsukishima grimaced, surging up with the last of his strength to headbutt the other. It wasn't that effective, given Tsukishima's three days without food, but it stung enough.

The pirate stumbled back, clutching his head and dropping the knife on the floor.

Fuck, it's too far to grab.

Then he might've had a damn chance...

Pretty optimistic, for him, but his rational thinking was weaker as well due to his lack of strength. He overlooked the various bows, swords, and guns pointed at him.

Hopeless.

The pirate fumbled for the knife again, his forehead shining red from Tsukishima's assault. "Why you little--"

"Yamamoto, quit it. That was your fault for getting so close. You have a thick skull, you'll live," another associate said, and Tsukishima squinted at his short stature and childlike face. If it wasn't for the way all the other crew members turned to him as soon as he spoke, Tsukishima would wonder what he was doing on the ship. False judgements like that would get him killed if he wasn't careful.

"Well excuse me for trying to get information," Yamamoto mumbled, pocketing his knife.

"Does it matter? Kuroo will just kill him anyways." The voice was so sudden and soft that it almost spooked Tsukishima for the first time while being on the ship. And that said a lot, given how he'd been woken up by rough hands grabbing him and dragging him to the deck of the ship. The speaker stood near the railing, looking disinterestedly at a map of the next coast. His eyes only met Tsukishima's once, but it was enough for the blond to feel like he'd been thoroughly scanned.

Afterwards, a plethora of voice began to jumble together, debating on the outcome of Tsukishima's life as well as wondering about his 'short sighted' thinking.

"He probably didn't realize whose ship he was on."

"I wonder how Kuroo will do it..."

"Why waste energy? The guy already looks like skin and bones..."

"He better not have eaten any of our stores...Kuroo will have his head for that."

"Maybe we should just toss him now, who needs Kuroo? We all know the stowaway policy."

Tsukishima growled, tugging on his ropes. He'd rather jump overboard than listen to this.

But too many eyes were still on him. And he knew himself well enough that he wouldn't give up upon hitting water. Then what would he do?

He wasn't given much time to think about it.

"Enough."

The voice, stern and strong, froze Tsukishima to the spot. He might've imagined it, but the sea felt like it had calmed too, the characteristic ripples of waves and flocks of gulls dispersing into nothing. The ocean respected its master, that was the sole explanation Tsukishima could find.

Kuroo moved forward onto the deck, his steps loud and deliberate. No stumbling, no weakness. His black boots stood out against the harsh red of his attire, though he wasn't soaked in blood this time around. Those eyes were just as piercing though, not leaving Tsukishima's for a second. Tsukishima was the prey, and Kuroo would not let him escape. It became clear right away.

What was confusing was the fact that Tsukishima didn't appear to mind. His shoulders relaxed, and his heart rate didn't speed up. No sweat, no labored breathing, nothing to indicate fear.

Well, alright then.

Kuroo's heavy steps stopped a few feet away, and Tsukishima tilted his head, waiting.

Kuroo didn't radiate anger, but his expression was grave, skeptical. Whatever he asked, Tsukishima knew he wouldn't be able to lie. People who could discern lies from truth were rare to come by, but Tsukishima knew how to pick them out, because he was one. So was Kuroo.

"What is your name, and who sent you?" The captain eventually said, and Tsukishima sighed into the silence between them.

"Tsukishima Kei," he began, smiling at Yamamoto's indignant huff at Tsukishima's new willingness to speak. "And no one sent me. There's no ulterior motive either by the way...I'm not here to avenge dead family or anything."

"He's lying!" Yamamoto roared from the side, much to Tsukishima's aggravation. Kuroo didn't look away from him.

"You expect us to believe that you just happened to wander onto Kuroo Tetsurou's ship?" Another subordinate said. "The crest and sails are unmistakable."

"Fukunaga, I can handle this," Kuroo interrupted, and his crew automatically backed off.

Tsukishima wasn't deterred. "No, I knew whose ship it was, I just didn't care. I needed passage."

Which also wasn't completely true. Tsukishima still wasn't sure what had compelled him to board the damn vessel. He could've found another way. These days, Tsukishima was an experienced wanderer. He had no home, no commitments, and he could find work anywhere. But he'd rushed onboard despite that, when he could've waited for another less dangerous cargo ship to sneak onto.

Unfortunately, Kuroo picked up on that. His lips lifted into a smirk, sending shivers through Tsukishima's body. "Passage to where? You couldn't have known where we were headed."

Tsukishima huffed, glaring. "Anywhere."

The lack of an excuse notably startled Kuroo, someone most likely used to seeing people sweat and fumble as they tried to save their own skin. Tsukishima might've had a need for self preservation, but he was no slug, and he refused to squirm and cower.

Certainly not when he heard the quick unsheathing of a sword, and most definitely not when said sword ended up pressed against his neck.

So theatrical...

The sword was more magnificent up close. He'd been right before, the metal was sturdy and stunning, shining in the sunlight and freshly sharpened.

The hilt was silver and encrusted with red jewels, obviously plundered from a wealthy province. Tsukishima eyes gleamed, and his hand itched to wield it.

"Right," Kuroo said, calling Tsukishima's attention back to his suspicious eyes. "No matter. Keep your lies and whatever you’re hiding, they're of no use. We can't take the chance of keeping you around. This is the price you pay for trespassing."

Tsukishima bowed his head as the sword pulled back, ready to deliver the final blow. For whatever reason, the panic bubbled up and then dissipated in an instant, like his body was trying to distance itself from the inevitable. That, or Tsukishima didn't have much of a "life" for it to flash before his eyes. At least he wouldn't have to be depressed about that much longer.

Kuroo stepped forward, taking position, and Tsukishima nearly glanced up, wishing to look at him one last time. But he refused, because no one got to see or know his last emotion, not even someone as regal as Kuroo Tetsurou.

"Any last wor-ergh--"

Tsukishima's head shot up like a bullet at the guttural sound, all thoughts of death put on hold.

What...

Kuroo burped again, his form trembling for the first time. Vulnerable. Sick. Tsukishima's eyes sparked with recognition. He couldn't help it, he was a doctor at heart.

No way. This is either the best thing or the worst thing I've ever seen.

Kuroo's face twisted, turning a few varying shades of green before ultimately paling. The captain stumbled as the ship rocked, clutching his stomach. His eyes snapped shut, and his breathing grew labored. Like that'll help.

Tsukishima could practically see the signs as they happened. Clammy skin, maybe a light sweat, churning stomach...

Seasickness obviously doesn't care if you're a famous pirate king.

And Tsukishima couldn't help it, he laughed, fucking laughed at the most dangerous man he'd ever met. Flat out lost it, though he'd been seconds from death. This is amazing.

Kuroo's head shot up, his glare lacking the needed intensity. It was more like a measly squint, and the overall effect was dulled by the fact that Kuroo looked two seconds from barfing on everyone and everything. "How dare you. I'm--oh god...everything is spinning..."

Tsukishima laughed again, but for once, it wasn't cruel. He hated admitting it but it was....sort of endearing. Kuroo brandished a sharp sword and radiated authority, but here he was, hunched over in front of his whole crew. What was better was that the crew didn't look the least bit surprised, just somewhat fed up.

Ah, so this happens a lot...

"You should sit down," Tsukishima said, trying to move forward. He instinctively moved towards Kuroo, as if to help him, which was an...odd feeling when said person wanted to kill you.

"I'm fine," Kuroo said, but the syllables were cut up by unattractive burps. "Oh man..."

"He really is," Yaku chimed in with a sigh. "This has been happening a lot this week..."

"Don't tell him that."

Ignoring Kuroo's complaints, Tsukishima's mind raced. Frequent nausea on relatively calm seas could mean the captain had a bug of some sort...

"Have you been eating?" Tsukishima asked. "You could be more sick than you realize. Is your appetite normal? Are your bowel movements--"

"Too far, too far," Kuroo pleaded, much to Tsukishima's annoyance. The sternness from earlier was gone, replaced with childish whines.

"Are you seriously getting weird about this? You gutted a man like...3 days ago," Tsukishima argued. It had looked really freaking cool too, but he left that out.

"That's different," Kuroo forced out, gagging shortly afterwards. "Ugh, someone cut out my stomach..."

"Untie me first," Tsukishima deadpanned.

"Okay okay, can we stop this? An execution shouldn't take up the whole morning," Yaku intervened, but even his eyes flashed with worry when Kuroo crouched to the floor. "But...maybe a postponement is in order..."

Yamamoto and the rest of the crew gaped, but well....it was Kuroo's job to carry through with the executions, and he wouldn't be doing that anytime soon.

"You really should get midship," Tsukishima advised. "It'll be more stable there. He also needs fresh water, and some bread."

And then, Tsukishima's voice seemed to have a mind of his own, because before he knew it he said: "I can take care of him. I'm a doctor."

Sort of. Pretty much.

He left out the whole 'got kicked out' bit.

"No way! That's too far," Fukunaga argued, looking to the rest of his shipmates. "He could be an assassin! Or...some spy. We can't just--"

Kuroo wretched again, and the sound made Tsukishima shrink away. "Fine. So I'm guessing you guys know how to help him then? Know all the potential remedies and what medicines to get from the next port? Right?"

Tsukishima didn't care if he was being insolent, he didn't have time for idiots.

The crew looked between each other, concerned, and Kuroo looked up at Tsukishima again. He was clearly faint...and would only get worse. Actually, he'd probably been like this everyday if what his crew said was accurate. No one had noticed though, no one had questioned it.

"Yaku, if we keep him monitored, it won't be an issue," the quieter pirate from before said, rolling up his map as he stepped into the middle of the group. The next port is a small one, we can get Kuroo what he needs without getting into that big of a fight."

Right. Because they likely wouldn't be able to bring Kuroo with them if he got sicker. However, the prospect of escape hardly crossed Tsukishima's mind.

Whatever was wrong with him, he didn't know.

After a few more tense moments, Yaku sighed in frustration, and Tsukishima knew he'd won. "Kenma is right. Someone untie the prisoner and escort him to Kuroo's room. Do not let him out of your sight."

The look of warning he got from Yaku was more intimidating than the near brush with death had been, but as Tsukishima rubbed at his rope burns and watched the crew lead Kuroo to his room, the blond felt immense relief.

Tsukishima rung out the wet rag, listening to the water trickle into the bucket on the floor. He tried not to be too intimidated by Kuroo's stare, and briefly wondered why the other hadn't passed out yet. He should've, given how shitty he looked and how hot his forehead was, but suspicion was a powerful thing. The captain hadn't taken his eyes off Tsukishima the whole time he'd been treated, and every few minutes Yaku or Yamamoto came to check on them.

Though, after the thirty minute mark, they'd all seemed to calm down. Tsukishima had done nothing but give top notch treatment, and pleasantly too. The crew had allowed him to eat first, and with his stomach filled, Tsukishima could devout all his energy to nursing Kuroo.

He folded the towel, moving to place it over Kuroo's head, and brushed the raven's sweaty bangs away. "It's not much but...this ship is poorly equipped to take care of these things. At least your crew is good at what they do, or I would seriously wonder how you were all alive."

And he meant that. There were hardly any tools or medical instruments here. The chance of effectively treating knife or gunshot wounds? Slim.

"Never needed a medic before," Kuroo grumbled, voice rough as sand. Wordlessly, Tsukishima handed him another saltine cracker, and water.

"Eat it slowly," Tsukishima advised, before getting up to adjust the curtain on the porthole. The empty sea....unsettled him. "And that's very arrogant of you."

Kuroo just laughed, sipping at the water with a grimace. "Maybe so."

"You'll need to take it easy for a few days, definitely no going off ship for anything other than stretching your legs. The fresh air will help," Tsukishima said again, taking a seat on the stool by Kuroo's bed.

Without much else to do, he curled in on himself, knowing Yaku would probably have him stay in the ship's brig when he returned to take Tsukishima away. Guess he deserved that, medical skill or not. He remained a trespasser.

But again, Kuroo never failed to surprise him.

"My crew can handle the expedition," Kuroo said, turning onto his side to stare at Tsukishima more directly. The towel slipped slightly from his head, the water droplets rolling down his face, and Tsukishima adjusted it carefully. "I'm sorry for the rough treatment out there by the way."

Tsukishima startled, mouth falling open slightly. A scolding or complaint, he might've expected. But an apology? From Kuroo Tetsurou? Tsukishima was most likely dreaming at this point, or he truly had been killed.

He swallowed, stunned, and nearly told Kuroo it was fine.

Fine.

It certainly was not. He'd almost been killed! Yet here he was, baffled by this endearing, murderous bastard's genuine apology. Before he could respond, Kuroo continued, confusing Tsukishima further.

Pirate kings were not supposed to be this reasonable.

"We used to take in stowaways, make them part of the crew. It was usually fine, but...one of them nearly killed Kenma, and tried to steal from me," Kuroo explained, and he had Tsukishima's full attention. "So...there went that tradition. But don't worry. Now that we know you're not a threat I can probably convince the guys to spare you."

"How do you know I'm not a threat?" Tsukishima said suddenly, out of habit. He was used to being underestimated, but maybe this wasn't the best time to get confrontational. He'd just been pardoned dammit. But Kuroo froze, his expression too comical for the blond to keep a straight face. With no anger present from Kuroo, Tsukishima laughed, and a moment later, so did Kuroo.

"I'm dangerous in my own right, but not to you," Tsukishima assured. The way Kuroo nodded, believing him, made Tsukishima fight back a smile. And once more, Kuroo picked up on the things running through Tsukishima's mind, like a sixth sense.

"Why is that?" Kuroo asked. "I'm not exactly the gentlest guy out there."

I know. And well, there was no use lying to him. Tsukishima shook his head, huffing to himself.

"I don't know," he whispered, glancing away to pick at the few vials sitting about. He'd have to fill them up when they docked...

The confession felt too intimate to say right to Kuroo's face, and Tsukishima began to make a list in his head to distract himself as he spoke. "I don't know why I'm on your ship either. I was led here, that's all I know."

He heard Kuroo shift in bed, his tone curious and far too childlike for his occupation. "Led?"

"Yes...like I couldn't help it," Tsukishima said, knowing how ridiculous it sounded. He was no pirate. He didn't particularly like the sea. He didn't particularly like anything, but...

But he knew when to trust his gut. It had yet to let him down in this cruel life of his, regardless of where it took him. Like a murderous pirate king's ship...

He scolded his phrasing internally, sure it would be seen as a lie, but Kuroo was far more competent than that.

"Oh, well then I get it," Kuroo said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Tsukishima looked back at him, perplexed, and felt his hands freeze up at the captain's small smile. Kuroo coughed a second later, and his eyes drooped, like he was going to let himself succumb to sleep now after all this time. Now that Tsukishima was trustworthy. Somehow, the realization made Tsukishima more relaxed than he had been in a long time. "That's how the sea was for me. I still don't really get it, but I had to listen. So here I am."

"Here you are," Tsukishima echoed dumbly, not knowing where to go from there. All he knew was that physically, he'd be content staying right in that spot, and it scared him.

"Nuh-uh Tsukki," Kuroo grumbled, the drowsiness taking over. Tsukishima caught the towel as it slipped from Kuroo's head, watching as those golden eyes fluttered closed. He flinched a bit at the nickname, but...that could be ironed out later. "Here we are."

Tsukishima's breathing stalled for a moment, and he felt stuck in time, watching Kuroo slip into a deep sleep with the ease of a young child, comfortable in Tsukishima's presence. The blond clutched the towel tightly, feeling the water run over his knuckles as he digested the words. He hadn't had anyone refer to him as part of something in many years, and it was nearly too much.

He shouldn't have cared so much. He refused to. And yet...

He pushed the blankets over Kuroo's shivering form, rewetting the cloth in order to make sure Kuroo was fully set for the night. The whole time, he couldn't shake Kuroo's declaration.

Idiot...who says things like that?

He was sure that wasn't the worst of it either, and there would be much more to come.

Maybe that was alright though.

Tsukishima would stay here for as long as he was allowed, or for as long as his soul willed him to. It was annoying, irrational, but he also knew it was right.

Not that he had any chance of fighting it anyways.

Tsukishima stood up as he heard Yaku's steps coming to collect him, content with spending a night in the brig while Kuroo rested. A fair punishment, in the grand scheme of things.

He'd have lots of time to prove himself he hoped, and the desire to made him squint at his reflection in Kuroo's broken side mirror.

So this is who we are now...

So be it.

Tsukishima never imagined in a million years he'd be a pirate, but he couldn't find a single regret about it in his head, not when it was on Kuroo's crew.

And well, that was a start.

#kurotsuki #adri writing #kurotsukki #haikyuu!!

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hotcocosharing · 7 years

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Lose To Win Chapter 22: Can You Handle It?

Title: Lose To Win Chapter 22 Fandom: Kiss By The Baddest Bidder & Her Love In The Force Rated: Drama, Thriller, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Mystery? MPD’s OC: Mika HIJIKATA KBTBB’s OC: Mia SAKATA Characters: Goto, Kaga, Shuichi, Eisuke, Soryu, Mamoru, Baba, Ota

Summary: Soryu, Mika & Kaga had threesome, (click here to read) then one headed back to Eisuke while the other followed his target.Unpleasant surprises keep coming their ways till blood is spilled. Soryu’s shot and Kaga left him to bleed (to death, sort of). Now Eisuke watches his friend being operated by a total stranger in the middle of the VIP suite, this trip is not going well for them? Are they losing before the game has even begun?

Tagging: adrienneloves so you’d know what happens to Soryu and Mika. silver-red-rose & hifftn who’ve always been here for me :’( Thank you! I know this series is taking forever and if you’ve missed my feeds or simply want to know what happens next, let me know and I’ll tag you. Background: Mika went to the Tres Spades Hotel under Eisuke’s request. (Order) and led to seeing her ex- Hyogo Kaga. With Jin Namba’s persuasion, Eisuke agrees to work with Public Safety, going on an eight days cruise trip with Kaga, Goto and Mika. What kind of mystery and danger await? You have no idea!

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Chapter 1: The Reunion Chapter 2: RSVP Chapter 3: Recharge Chapter 4: Welcome Back Chapter 5: Decision Of A Lifetime Chapter 6: Our Story Chapter 7: Stress Release Chapter 8: Play Thing Chapter 9: What The Three Words Mean Chapter 10: A Real Man Chapter 11: The CEO Chapter 12: Boarding Chapter 13: What Did You Wish For? Chapter 14: Don’t Tease Me Chapter 15: One Hell Of A Night Chapter 16: Feeling Lucky? Chapter 17: Left In The Past Chapter 18: Poker Face Chapter 19: To Victory Chapter 20: Wish Comes True Chapter 21: Last Apology

Chapter 22: Can You Handle It?

“He’s alive, isn’t he?” Kaga’s appearance isn’t exactly welcome at this moment but his comment just makes it worse.

“You piece of shit!!! You left him there to die!”

All you could see is red, the blood of Soryu Oh and the rage boiling inside. You are beyond furious, shaking with fury, betrayal, and disbelief. Like being smashed by a fifty-foot high wave, unprepared. You couldn’t have seen it coming, Kaga is reckless, sure but he’s not that ruthless. Not when it comes to human lives.

“So he’s alive then.”

“Oh my god, are you even hearing yourself?”

“No, are you hearing yourself? I WAS DOING MY GOD DAMN JOB!”

“Is that what you tell yourself when you leave him there to bleed to death!?”

“Fuck sake! He was fine when I left! And he’s still breathing, isn’t he?”

You raise your hand and slap Hyogo Kaga across the face as hard as you could. A large red hand-print is now evident on his cheek, the two of you stare at each other. No one else in the room at all bothers to say another word, let out a snort or even hint what they have been thinking once Soryu has finished the surgery. Luke had returned to the suite in time and joined Mariana so Eisuke was relieved that his best friend wasn’t going to die in the middle of high sea. The blood transfusion had weakened you slightly but not nearly enough to get over your disappointment.

“What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with you! You’ve gone soft! If his life could save the rest of the people on this ship, I would personally end it without a blink of an eye!”

Your hand raises again, Kaga grabs and twists it a little, his voice booms through the spacious suite.

“It’s not my problem that you two fucked or the air head is in love with you. Don’t blame this on me! I’m a public safety officer, who the hell are you!?”

Kaga’s POV

Today is one of those shitty days I particularly hate, total bust at work, man down and the ex-fiancée who I’ve recently reconciled with now wishes me dead. To top it off, I see a man waiting outside my room with an angry expression on his face.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

It’s a relief that Mr. Hijikata couldn’t raise his voice, I honestly don’t think I’d take another meltdown without punching someone in the face.

“Your action could have killed my client’s child!” I am about to swipe my key card and continue this unwanted conversation inside but the door swings open and Soryu’s puppy glares at us.

“Get lost! You are not welcome here!” Throwing my bags out the door, the young mobster quickly shuts it to our faces.

Eiji san looks sympathetic for a second before his stern expressions returns. “I’ve warned you how dangerous they are, stop jeopardizing cases and people lives. Kaga, you are not a hero. Stay away from my client.” As if things couldn’t get any worse, I pull out a pack of cigarette to only find it empty. “Oh fucking great!” “Here.” I turn to see the lazy detective offering me the one thing I crave most, “I take it that you have no place to stay? If you ain’t gonna complain about sleeping on the couch then this way.”

Kishi hasn’t said much once I’m in his suite, not that I’m in any mood to talk. “Well, keep this pack and help yourself with the mini bar. I’m gonna head back, I’d lay low if I were ya, kid. You ain’t exactly popular right now and I seriously don’t wanna deal with an actual dead body just yet.”

With a firm pat on my shoulder, he lets out a loud yawn and leaves. The headache of Namba nagging is not comparable to my rage that’s on the edge of erupting. Whoever is responsible has a hell lot to pay and they’ll be sorry for ever crossing me.

The room is filled with dead silence after Kaga has stormed out of the suite and you choose to cool down by the balcony before calling Jin.

Goto has already filled him in but you’re not happy with how the mission has gone, truth be told, no one is.

“Keeping him out of trouble was one of your missions.” Jin says bluntly, “If we get caught up in the rights and wrongs, we lose track of the real issue.”

“The real issue is he investigates alone without sharing important information and almost causes a team member’s life!” You try to hold onto your temper, this isn’t Jin or anyone’s fault but Kaga’s.

However, Jin’s gentle reminder backfires. “We are public safety, it’s not up to us to question morality.“

"I am in the MPD!”

Silence.

Is he frowning? Scratching his chin likes he always does while searching for answers? “You were one of our best Mika, one of us. I remember who you were and what you’re capable of but do you? Or running away for the past few years have completely changed you?”

“You’re fighting desperately not to realize that I’m right, you don’t want to see it. This isn’t about Kaga or who the shooter is, you have made things personal.” He goes on quickly, “I wouldn’t put you on the mission if I don’t think you’d handle it.”

”You are upset, I get that and if you can’t do it, fine, withdraw from the case now or else do your job. So can you handle it or not, Mika?“

Damn him, Jin is right. You don’t want to think, the thought of losing Soryu Oh for good has terrified you. Working in homicide isn’t pretty but you don’t go to work every day worrying if any of your partners are going to make it or convince yourself that it’s alright because that’s what they sign up for. As much as you love preventing crime, it takes tremendous sacrifice to be a Public Safety Officer. Facing dead bodies and catching murderers by day with occasional one night stands by night leads a much easier life.

But Jin’s right, he often is. You’ve been running away for years and yet fate has put you back on spot, facing your fear, pushing your limits and perhaps this really is your true calling whether you like it or not.

Eisuke’s World

Meanwhile back in Eisuke’s suite, the next phase of the party is about to begin. Mia sees a black envelope in Eisuke’s hand and peeks from his side.

{ If choosing to accept this invitation by signing below you agree to the trade of your most precious belongings for a confirmed seat at our next exclusive event- THE AUCTION. This debt will be collected at our convenience. }

An icy hot shudder runs down Mia’s spine and she’d feel the blood draining from her pale face, her breath stops short with her heart stutters a wild, frantic convulsion in her chest.

Just how far is this going and when will it stop? She couldn’t stomach another surgery on the cruise or see anymore dying body, especially when one could be Eisuke so easily.

She wouldn’t be able to live without him, he is her whole world so there’s only one thing left to do. She is going to stop him from going to the auction, putting an end to this nonsense before the mission costs her the love of her life.

NOTES: Is it time for Eisuke to lose? We shall see, got smut coming so I personally look forward to that ;)

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dontdropthattuturu · 7 years

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A little party never killed nobody

For day 3 of ushioi week. Prompt: drinking/ party games Warning:/

There was a party in Oikawa dorms, so of course the grand Oikawa just had to attend. The only downside was, that Ushiwaka-chan also was there. Mercifully and openly he may have accepted thin as part of the university’s volleyball team and there for his ally, he wasn't ready for any kind of interaction that went beyond that. Still, here he was. At the same party as Ushiwaka. It's a tragedy but at least there were so many people here the chances were slim that they would even see each other, not to mention speak to each other. Because that was a bad thing damnit, he curses his mind as it supplied him with pictures of an undressed Ushijima from the changing room, okay yes Ushiwaka was hot and he may or may not have had one or two or twenty fantasies about him but they were still....something.....probably not nice...to each other. Anyway he could admit that Ushijima was hit but that was it. His personality still was shitty and that weights harder than any potential hotness. Except that in the few months he had spent with Ushiwaka as his teammate he had learnt that his personality was anything but shitty, he was gentle, patient, earnest and compassionate. Okay he had a crush. On Ushiwaka of all people. Damnit. Instead of worrying Tooru decides to down some drinks since he was way to sober for any of this. At the same time Ushijima questioned his life choices. Why was he even here? Because if the slim chance that the gorgeous setter appeared, with whom he had been in love with since middle school? Probably, yes. Exasperated by his own foolishness he sight, what did he expects to happen anyway? Oikawa sees him forgets about all his distaste for him, falls in love with him and kisses him. Yeah sure, super realistic. Those things didn't even happen in his dreams! Still here he was with a beating heart, even though the chances for winning in lotto were higher than for oikawa miraculously liking him back. But hope dies last, than what would we be without it? Most of the evening goes by without even seeing a glance of Oikawa and just as Ushijima is about to leave the party, since he’s getting a headache from the loud music , he spots him. Dancing. With sole this glance Ushijima is completely enraptured. The sway of Oikawas hips mesmerizing, the light screen of sweat glistering on his skin intoxicating, his fluffy hair mussed in unspeakable ways and his face. If that expression. Darkened eyes half lidded, almost maddening him with their intensity and red port lips, promising pleasure he can't even imagine. He feels himself being sucked in, pulled towards Oikawa. Like a predator closing in to the part he moves towards Oikawa, to lost in the sight before him to acknowledge any if the other people dancing. Shorty before reachining Oikawa he lets go of an animalistic, deep, possessive growl. He's so close to touching Oikawa,if he would just reachn out, he could pull him close and kiss those tempting lips, feel the curve of his hips. His motion is abruptly cut short through a heavy hand on his shoulder. Ushijima turns around and is met face to face with an exceedingly intoxicated Bokuto, who practically screamed at him:” Yo, Ushijima we're gonna play truth or dare.” This was all the explanation he got as Bokuto drags him towards an calmer room to play. Accepting his fate, Ushijima settles down between Bokuto and Kuroo. He looks around and spots the other people, who he will play Truth or Dare with, except for Oikawa, who sits beside Kuroo, he recognizes none of the others. For the first few rounds things are pretty uninteresting, neither Oikawa nor Ushijima have to play and from the other two only Kuroo had to play one round. The dares and questions had been rather tame as well, run three laps in the room, dance the Macarena, was this or that rumour about you true? Most of the players left after that, only Kuroo, Bokuto, Oikawa and he remained. “Okay, time to spice things up a little.”, Kuroo grinned. “Truth or Dare, bro?”, Kuroo asked mischeviously. “Ahhh, that grin of yours promises embarrassment,bro. Sign me up with a sweet Dare.”, Bokutos grin rivaled Kuroos and now the two of them grinned at each other like Cheshire cats. “I dare you to flirt with Oikawa.” Bokuto got up imeadeatly and stalked over to Oikawa, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively he said with a deep voice:”Is there a phone in your back pocket? Because I hear that as calling for me.” Oikawa just raised an eyebrow, while Kuroo seemed to die via laughter but Bokuto ignored them and instead pushes further:” I lost my phone number, can I have yours?” The setter visibly texted back: I don’t have a phone, which made all three of them burst out in laughter. After five minutes of straight laughing they considered Bokuto Dare as done and decided to move on, for this Wakatoshi was glad since watching other people flirt with your crush never was a charming experience. Next of was Bokutos turn to choose someone, of course he choose Ushijima. He briefly considered what to take but in the end rolled with the easiest one.”Truth.”; he said. “Were you ever in love?” Before he could even start to answer that question Tooru snorts:” Of course not, he probably isn't even capable of that.” That hurt. Hurt a lot and probably explained his harsh interruption:” I have, in fact I still am. Thank you very much.” The other three players looked at each other surprised, since Ushijima was busy avoiding to look at Oikawa he missed the short sparkle of hope in his eyes. The other two didn't. “My turn end!”, Kuroo all but squealed, Ushijima wanted to protest since it was his turn but the challenging look in Kuroos eyes made him shut up. He didn't even have any ideas for any Truth or Dares. For a second Ushijima had been lost in thoughts but was startled out of it by the words:” I dare Oikawa to sit in Ushijima lap for the rest of the game.” In his slightly drunk state Oikawa didn't protest and instead all but crawled in his lap, while all Wakatoshi prayed was to not get a biker right now even though that would be tough. This went on for a few more rounds mostly dorky and funny dares and truths such as: For the rest of the round behave like an owl, what’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you and last but not least prank calls. A few more risky ones also happened ( mostly for Ushijima and Oikawa) such as: Strip your shirt of ( Oikawa), whisper dirty talk in the others ear ( Ushijima ) and do the talk about the birds and the bees ( also Ushijima). Now all of them were severely intoxicated, they decided to wrap things up and Kuroo requested the last dare for Oikawa. “Kiss your crush.”, Kuroo mindlessly giggled,” Your so damn obvious I wonder how he couldn't notice.” Now Ushijima was confused, Oikawas crush, he hadn't even known that Oikawa had had a crush, he felt his heart splitter into thousand pieces. Just as he was to get up and excuse himself Oikawa turned around and with a loud “smack” kissed him. It was over so fast Wakatoshis drunken brain needed a moment to process that he had just been kissed and what the implications of that were. Apparently he had taken to long since Oikawa just looked at him in shock for a second before getting up and excusing himself with a hurt expression, all while he had sat there, in shock. He blinked once, twice, than hurried to get up and follow Oikawa to the restroom. Thankfully they were alone there, he didn't need an audience for this. Tooru stood at the sink and splashed water on his face, his eyes were slightly red rimmed as if he had whined shortly before. “What do you want Ushiwaka-chan? Haven't I embarrassed myself enough for tonight?”, Oikawa sounded sad and tiered, he probably just wanted to go home and sleep all his worries away, but before that could happen he still had to make a vital confession.” I like you. I had a crush in you since middle school.”, blurted Ushijima out, that may not have been the most elegant way but he said what counted. Oikawa just looked at him in stunned silence, tears started to spill again and he threw himself at Wakatoshi whining:” You idiot, I realized my crush on you a few weeks prior but do you know how long I probably had been in denial?” Oikawa apparently didn’t really need an answer, since he just kissed Wakatoshi over and over again, instead of letting him answer. Not that he was complaining, at last he got to taste those plump lips, feel that slim body against his. He could die right now and he wouldn’t care.

#ushioi #ushijima wakatoshi #oikawa tooru #ushijima x oikawa #ushioiweek17 #haikyuu!!#fanfic #day3 #party games

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lelou-quotes · 4 years

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QUIT: Resenting My Job (And All Other Circumstances I Can’t Change)

[Part of my mission to “live deliberately” involves ruthlessly cutting out anything that saps my time, energy or money to no good end. I’m calling these things my “Quits,” and this is one of the many items that have found themselves on my Quits List.]

It’s no secret that I don’t love my job. (Let’s be honest, how many people really do?)

That doesn’t mean I don’t show up every day (except Free Fridays, ha-HA!) and work my little tail off. That doesn’t mean there aren’t many aspects of my job that I enjoy, or at least appreciate (good coworkers, a level of flexibility, a boss that treats me well). As far as jobs go, it’s not a bad one, and as far as my currently needing a job goes, I’m thankful for it.

But it means nothing to me personally. It eats up days and months of my life that I long to be using for so many other things. It takes up my time, my energy, and thoroughly effs up my writing productivity by keeping all my best writing hours from me. And the whole 9-5 structure goes against every fiber of my anti-establishment, fiercely independent nature.

So. For all the thankfulness—and as Freakin’ Awesome an effort I try to give every day that I’m there—I resent the living daylights out of every minute I spend at my job, knowing all the while that I could (and should) be spending it elsewhere.

It’s not easy to admit what I’m about to say next (a revolutionary does not part easily with her righteous indignation), but I’m slowly beginning to realize that maybe this attitude isn’t the best way for a Cordelia to approach her circumstances, even the not-so-perfect ones.

Begrudgingly Accepted Truth #1: Resentment Isn’t Action

I’ve written before about how frustrating it is to be working towards a new life but still have to show up every day for the old one. Sometimes, having my blog to attend to and an ebook to write and Quits to work on makes the daily 9-5 a little easier to deal with. Sometimes I find I can laugh off inconveniences and keep up a generally positive attitude because I know that I’m working towards my eventual escape.

But most days, it just plain sucks. Most days I can’t help but think petulantly about what a waste it is and how unfair it seems and how somehow the Fates ought to be able to grant me an out because they must be able to see how badly I want this change.

This gets me absolutely nowhere. But I do it anyway, because it feels therapeutic. It makes me feel like I’m doing something to take a little control back from a situation I can’t escape:

You can ask me to make those copies, but damnit, I’m going to dislike every second of it…

I’ll deal with this crisis, sure, but I’ll be thinking the entire time that I’m meant for something much more important than this…

It’s my own childish, passive-aggressive attempt of flipping off the unavoidable by throwing a shitty attitude at it. But it does nothing except to make me childish and petty. It does nothing except turn the unavoidable into the thoroughly shitty.

Begrudgingly Accepted Truth #2: Resentment Isn’t Constructive

The un-fun reality is, whatever I happen to think of it, I’m stuck here for now. Face facts, put on your big girl pants: this is what I have to do for the time being to get myself to the point where I can do something different.

I’ve said again and again (and believe oh-so-vehemently) that if you’re stuck in a situation that makes you unhappy, you need to either change it, if you can, or find a way to deal with it if you can’t. Complaining about it or resenting it does nothing but make you–and everyone else around you–miserable.

But when it comes to my job, I haven’t been following my own philosophy. I’ve been doing the exact opposite, actually. And that ends now (she says to herself sternly. Are you listening, Self??)

Resenting what I’m doing doesn’t change the fact that I still have to do it. It only makes me unhappy while I’m doing it.

On the flip side, doing my job cheerfully and with the best attitude I can muster isn’t a public endorsement of my love for said job. The universe won’t look down on me and think, “Oh wow, look how cheerfully she’s working right now! Maybe this job is right for her after all. Let’s just leave her there a little longer…”

It seems so silly when I write it out like that, but I’ve actually worried that venturing a little enthusiasm would be…almost dangerous…for that very reason. Like having an enthusiastic attitude toward my un-significant job would somehow be a compromise of my morals. I wonder how many people similarly hold themselves back from giving their all at something because they don’t think it’s “worthy” of their time. But the truth is, my time is worthy of the best I can give it, even if I have to spend it on something I’m not particularly in love with.

Resentment won’t change my circumstances, and trying to appreciate what I can of them won’t lessen my integrity as a rebel. I’m only lowering the quality of my time–and the quality of myself–every time I approach my (unavoidable) circumstances with resentment.

Begrudgingly Accepted Truth #3: Resentment Makes Me a Lower Version of Myself

This whole Quits project isn’t just about escaping the 9-5 and getting rid of obligations I don’t care about. It’s about turning myself into a better version of myself. And nurturing a rotten attitude toward the things I can’t change–especially something like my job, which takes up so large a percentage of my days–goes totally against this goal.

There’s an inherent dignity and grace (and awesomeness) about someone who keeps up a great attitude in spite of shitty circumstances. And there’s an all-too-common unattractive mediocrity about someone who bitches and moans about their circumstances, even if only in their own head. (Outwardly, I’m a cheerful-enough little worker, but inwardly, oh, I’m all simmering, ugly bitterness.)

I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to be the kick-assest I can be, in all situations–even the un-ideal ones. That’s what a Cordelia does. That’s how a Cordelia ought to live her life.

So, this Monday morning, I am going into work with a smile on (goddammit!), no matter how much I secretly dread the time-suck and wish I were anywhere else. I’m going to remind myself that where I am is where I am, and it’s up to me whether I make the situation into a decent one or a crappy one.

It’s time to start taking my own advice.

http://www.cordeliacallsitquits.com/quit-resenting-my-job-and-all-other-circumstances-i-cant-change/

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