#THE RABIES IS KICKING IN CHAT

[cosmoboba]

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[hvghes]

this is me speaking my truth. @canuckshuggy broke my heart. kicked me to the curb when i wanted her fr. would leave me on a cliffhanger. called me a dog. said i bite and had rabies. made a application for a new lover and never told ne who said yes so i could have a chit chat. she tells me to not talk 😞 and gave me away to @drysdalesv saying she didnt wantvme anymore.

@shyannboh

[sansxfuckyou]

It's like a game, I suppose

Summary: You're dead, it's not fun, luckily, you have someone to guide you through the afterlife until she to kicks the bucket

Warnings: Death, ghosts, blood, a disease like rabies/mad cow disease, check tags for further warnings.

Authors Note: I am very, very tired, this is a relatively chilled out pairing though, can see some moirallegience shenagins, I don't know, maybe they end up hating each other in canon though, once again, I take reblogs as a form of currency over likes.

Eighteen weeks, you have been dead for eighteen weeks and the only who can hear you has never played a video game in her damn life.

That's some ass fuck luck if I've ever seen it.

You spend day in, day out asking her about video games from every single console, generation and genre you can think of.

And she knows none of them.

You can't even sleep anymore, so you're trapped with your thoughts while she sleeps undisturbed. You have a few bros at this rate, but they don't talk to you much, except occasionally Kankri, but even then. You don't mind the lack of chatting aside from the fact that the silence drives you insane and you're sure you're one straw away from haunting someone.

Its the middle of the night, she can't sleep, the rest of the ghosts have figured out to sleep after who knows how deep into their afterlife. She stands up, grabbing a deep red scarf as she makes her way to the door, you silently follow her.

Aradias never awake at this hour, you wonder what could've possibly kept her up so late.

She walks through the ruins, across a small thicket of woods as well, she seems in a rush. She isn't wearing a jacket, she must be freezing considering how late it is, or overheating given her Caste. Eventually she comes to a complete halt, pivoting on her heels to face you with a stern look on her often blank face, you freeze up and go invisible out of instinct.

"Sollux, I know you're there," Aradia said, her tone vicious, you returned back to visibility.

"Of course you do, ghost lady," you say, unable to help a small smirk on your face, she sighs as she leans against a pillar, sliding down it.

"Of course I do," Aradia said as she draws her knees to her chest, "do you remember how you died Sollux?"

You tense at the question, your ears twitch as your amorphous form gets the sound. You didn't like thinking about that very much, you couldn't even think about it. Like a roadblock that prevented you from knowing how you made it to the afterlife, you remember Karkat standing over your corpse and that was it. You knew there was a connection, there had to be, but nothing could put it together, it was so clear and so blurry.

"No..." You said, you sounded distant, despondent even, you sat next to Aradia, your form stable where there was contact.

"Do you remember Kanaya?" Aradia asked, you lit up a bit, Kanaya was nice to you, when you were younger at least.

"Yeah, I miss her a lot," you answered with, Aradia sighed.

"Do you want to know how you died?" Aradia asked, she sounded tense, she wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Of course I do!" You stated almost enthusiastically, it had been keeping you wired that you didn't know how you got offed.

"How much do you want to know?" Aradia questioned, her tone was a little bit shaky.

"All of it," you said, sure that it was a good answer, a good choice even.

"One sweep before your death, you contracted a disease that only got worse with time, at first it was fine, you were just a bit more easily agitated, but after a few months, you were snapping at everyone and your train of thought was constantly hopping tracks and you had no control left, you were broken beyond repair in the head," Aradia explained, she was tearing up a bit, oh fuck, maybe this was a bad choice, "by the time it was at it's worst Kanaya couldn't take it, she hated seeing you when you suffered, we all agreed, except for you, to put your out of your misery, she did it, she revved her chainsaw and tore through your organs until you died."

"Uh, that's just a little bit extravagant, pretty wicked way to go, aside from the crippling disease part," you said, trying to find a splinter of humor in your death, Aradia was laughing now, only lightly, out of sheer disbelief.

"Fuck, she screwed you up so bad, when it was time to bury you, we barely found all the pieces," Aradia said with a laugh before turning to you, "I'm sorry I don't know about video games."

"No, no, it's fine, you have a lot on your plate as is, tending to the other ghosts, but, what has you transfixed on death?" You asked, Aradias eyes lit up, that Rusty red transfixing.

"Well, it's just the last step, it means you succeeded in reaching the end of your journey, some are cut short, others are not, it's kind of like fates game of personal enjoyment," Aradia explained, she was enjoying it so much, she was so obsessed with ghosts, necromancy and death in general it was almost scary, "it's kind of humerus."

"It sounds like a video game," you said, it didn't really, but she smiled a bit.

"Yeah, yeah it kind of is," Aradia said, voice softening a bit, "we should talk about it more, video games, I mean."

"I'll listen to you talk about death as well," you said, she grinned a little bit.

An agreement set in place, now you have to hear about the stages of corpse decay.

[occasionallythreeowls]

The Path Assorted Headcanons

There’s an awful lot of them, so I put them under a readmore. Maybe at some point I’ll do post-game headcanons, if people would like that. Enjoy!

EDIT: A few of these were the result of chatting with @lilmisssammy, who has some fantastic (and often very funny) game headcanons as well!

Robin has a new best friend every time she meets someone. New tenant in their building? New best friend! Shy kid gets assigned to be her lab partner? New best friend! Scraggly, hissy, probably feral cat that hangs around their apartment building? New best friend!

Rose volunteers at the local retirement home and is a big hit with the residents. She’s spent a lot of time playing bridge and poker with them, and as a result is the undefeated champion of Red family board game night.

Ginger grew up on a steady diet of martial arts movies. They idolize Bruce Lee as someone who kicked a lot of tail despite being fairly short. On a related note, I think Ginger gets teased a lot at school for being small for their age (among plenty of other things, like their working-class family or lack of gender conformity—kids can be cruel), not that it stops them from picking fights with kids twice their size.

Ruby secretly still loves cartoons, despite feeling like she’s outgrown them. She likes to watch Saturday morning cartoons with Robin, and the two have bonded over this little ritual. Ruby claims she only hangs out with Robin to keep an eye on her, but in reality she just likes the kid, and is grateful that Robin never judges or teases her for her looks or interests.

Speaking of embarrassing hidden interests, Carmen has a hidden soft spot for TTRPGs. She “dated” (read: hung out with and occasionally said vaguely flirty things to) a guy who invited her to a D&D oneshot, and she had a lot more fun playing a bawdy, flirty bard than she’d care to admit.

Scarlet gets up before dawn most mornings to get a head start on chores and to steal away a rare moment of quiet for herself before her siblings wake up. Sometimes she’ll do some light exercise like yoga or a quick jog, sometimes she’ll curl up with a book, and sometimes she’ll just stand on the little balcony in their apartment and watch the sun rise over the city.

Their grandmother used to be a lot like Carmen in her youth. Carefree, charismatic, flirty, and full of life. She and Carmen have bonded over Grandma’s (probably exaggerated) stories of love affairs with dashing sailors and rakish gamblers.

Their apartment technically doesn’t allow pets, but Rose was able to puppy-dog-eyes her siblings into letting her sneak a rabbit into the apartment anyway. The rabbit is from the forest, and, as such, is just a little bit…off.

Robin holds surprise birthday parties for people months before their actual birthday (“it wouldn’t be a SURPRISE if it was actually their birthday, would it, Ruby?”).

Rose has an unfortunate tendency to bring sick or dying animals into the apartment to try and nurse them back to health. By some miracle Rose has never gotten sick doing this, but Scarlet has a recurring stress dream that one of these days Rose is going to get rabies and die.

Ginger and Carmen both love video games, but they have vastly different tastes. Ginger likes action games and platformers, while Carmen likes puzzle games and dating sims. The one thing they both like is Pokémon, though Carmen refuses to so much as look at any Pokémon that doesn’t meet her standards of cute.

Ruby has some “friends” at school who don’t exactly have her best interests at heart. They pressure her into drugs, petty theft, and other reckless behavior largely out of boredom, and Ruby’s more or less willing to do whatever they tell her to do because they’re the only people in school who don’t seem to completely hate her guts.

Scarlet is terrified of spiders. Even looking at one makes her feel physically ill. Part of it is just good old-fashioned arachnophobia. But a bigger part is the fact that she herself feels like a fly in a web, caught in the miserable situation of giving up her own personhood for the sake of everyone else around her and believing she’ll only make things worse the more she struggles.

Their dad walked out on them when they were young, and no one knows where he went. Carmen hopes he’ll come back one day. Scarlet hopes he rots in hell.

Their mom doesn’t have bad intentions, but she spends so much of her time working that she’s almost never around, and she’s a bit too willing to take her kids at their word that everything is fine, and she doesn’t have anything to worry about.

The forest isn’t good or evil, but more of a reflection of the mind of the people who go into it. It’s why there are so many items and locations specific to the siblings’ memories, aspirations, and fears. Visitors to the woods get back what they put in. Unfortunately, this also means that if someone is deeply troubled by something, the forest tends to make them confront it, whether they’re ready or not.

The Girl in White and the Girl in Red used to be one person, but something in the forest caused her to become so psychologically torn that she literally became of two minds: one trying to accept the nature of the world and people and trying to move on and heal; and the other in stubborn denial, refusing to learn and grow.

The Girl in White has some sort of history with the grandmother, but no one’s sure what, exactly, it is. When the siblings ask their grandmother about the strange girl in the pretty white dress, the grandmother becomes withdrawn and sad, only telling her grandchildren to stop going into the woods.

[cerastes]

Any advice for streaming? And thank you in advance if you can help.

Well, I'm not like a big streamer or anything, I just do stuff for a few people and have a blast doing so, and I hope people that habitually come to my streams are also having a blast, but if I can give any insight as both someone who loves to stream and who loves watching streams (video games in particular):

Engage your audience. Don't read every line of game dialogue, we got eyes, engage with us. Talk about the game, tell an anecdote, talk about any other game, talk about something. You don't need to be non-stop talking but if your only interaction with your chat is "I'm reading the in game dialogue" and you don't give, I don't know, your appreciations or thoughts or something, then what are we there for? Like, yeah, we are there for the game, but we are also there for you. Show us you.

I think something you need to understand is that streaming gives you a debuff to your gaming skill in general, because you are not just playing the game, you are playing the game for an audience that you are engaging actively. That'll take away from your regular ability to some degree, and it gets much better with more experience, for instance, when I started streaming (and this links to the first point), I'd do this thing a lot where I'd be like "ok chat I'm going to be quiet for a bit, this next part is hard and I need to focus" simply because my thought was "I NEED TO BE AT 100% GAMING ABILITY" and like, people aren't there for that, ultimately. I'd kick my own ass if I still did that nowadays, now if I eat shit because I was also hanging out with chat while playing in a scenario that I would've otherwise cleared, hell, it's content, it's nice for a joke, it's fine. Chat loves beef anyways.

It's gotta be something you enjoy doing, like, you have to like streaming to stream. I know an unfortunate amount of people who have had every intention of living off streaming and, well, they don't like streaming all that much, it just sounded better than their regular desk jobs or something and wanted to try it, but you have to like streaming to stream. I love streaming, I love playing games and having people around to joke or react or comment or roast me or banter with, it's like eating with people, enjoying a game together with others makes me happy, it's why I can do 8 hours or even 12 hours of streaming sometimes, I just like it a lot. You gotta like it or you're just not gonna wanna do it.

It's got to do with the previous point, but your enthusiasm and passion carries on to people. If you're not having a good time, chat likely isn't either. I find it that whenever I'm having the most fun, say, when I was doing Katana ZERO or Furi or more recently Rabi Ribi, chat was also super immersed in what was going on. End of the day, streaming is about you, the streamer, engaging with both the game and chat. You'll always have people that are there for the game more than for you, that's fine and nothing bad, I don't want to watch a game I don't care about either... But you know you're doing something right when people will show up to your streams regardless of game.

I don't have any deeper advice than that, really, just, have fun and be active, the rest will follow.

[myclownjunction]

A loyal guard dog! Karl Heisenberg x Reader Part IV

I laid this night a bit restless, trying to understand what in the bloody meaning he said three days he'll be locked away, does he have rabies, no-nonsense! Maybe he works on something more specific and more detailed and needs to be left alone, probably, there were so many things that it could be but what actually he hid...you thought that friends don't hide anything from each other. The time will show...as you drifted to the slumber of sleep still tossing and turning the full moon outside was peering into the factory waiting for the changes to begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day went pretty much as usual you patrolling the factory and kicking the ass of the lazy Lycans to guard the factory and not fight for nonsense, it's good that Urias was there to kick some sense too...with his hammer. However you didn't saw nor heard from your owner anything yet, despite the fact that he forbid you to call him owner or master, you still held to your word to call him master, that's how you were trained but when the time came it quickly changed to Heisenberg, he never really told you his real name but you told him yours as he first time met you alas he loves to use any cheesy nicknames while teasing you. You walked to the right-wing of the factory doing your regular patrol as you picked up an unusual scent it made you growl, 'An intruder?!' you thought as you walked toward the scent the closer you got to the darker parts of the factory, the more rooms appeared in front of your eyes the smell now was really strong, as you heard...moaning?! Snarls and curses were let out of the mouth of Heisenberg but like it wasn't him but a beast trying to mimic his voice, you stood there as the smell hit you now differently, it...it was HIS smell!! You gulped as you felt your mouth getting watery, you stepped away as you felt the warmness coil and tight into a knot making your really uneasy, you gotta get out of here...immediately 'Shit, this smell it does something strange to my body!' you thought as you backed away slowly trying to make absolutely no sound in the process but the burning in your abdomen scolded you to go and bathe in this smell to join its owner and have...' NO!' you barked at yourself mentally he was your master you couldn't as you walked to the stairs you heard a rather loud roar making your skin covered in goosebumps but not from fear but from excitement.

You pulled yourself back down the stairs and into the elevator you walked towards the familiar smell of someone important that you NEEDED right the hell now! It was the Duke a humble jolly merchandiser that brought most of the supplies, your first meeting with him was so fascinated, being locked in a cage for ages and being let out for a while you were practically in awe of every single thing happening in this world. The Duke always talked to you respectively as you had chats about this and that, you always thought that the Duke was something much more than jolly merchandise, you stormed from the elevator as if it was on fire and would crush any moment now, the Duke was surprised by your exit too "Ahh, a familiar and sweet face to meet. Good day my dearest, how could I be of any help to you, because as I see you definitely need help in there!" he laughed making his body jiggle as he removed the ashes from his cigar he always smoked, it smelled like cherry and cinnamon, you gulped and asked with the biggest hope in your voice "Duke, please tell me that you have Wolfsbane potion in stock?!!" you looked at him rummaging through his carriage as you crossed every finger you could biting your lower lip and chewing it in as the heat decided to start pooling itself into your core. He turned around looking at you and making a shaking motion with his head "I'm afraid Miss L/N, I don't have the potion in stock the last few were bough by Lord Heisenberg himself, didn't he told you about it?!" he raised his eyebrow his eyes sparkling mischievously at your surprised face as he snickered and took a drag from his cigar "You see Miss L/N, your friend...Lord Heisenberg has a specific condition that is called Werecantrophy, he always comes by to buy the potions for this specific...time!" he smiled as he looked at me with a pity in his eyes "Alas I remember he would bring it to the medkit, maybe you will find it there by chance! He bought 4 flasks with the potion after all!". You smiled and thanked him "Thank you Duke I'll make sure to try to find them! I hope to see you around anytime soon!" you walked into the elevator your body still on fire before the elevator closed its doors he told you rather aloud "I hope you gonna lend a good hand to help Lord Heisenberg, dearest one!" he laughed at your baffled expression, as the elevator took you to the level where your rooms were you barged into the room, looking desperately for the medkit as you found it, you practically slammed the poor box onto the workbench rattling its containment, rummaging through the bottles you found none labeled Wolfsbane Potion, your blood was boiling at this point, you wanted to scream, to tear and to break. You needed somehow to channel your heat somehow...'Think...THINK GOD DARN IT!' you snarled at yourself "SHOWER! I need a cold shower, damn right now!!!" you groaned as you stripped of your clothes running butt-naked towards the shower going into the cold water made you shiver and let out a yelp mixed with a whine as the water hit you like a whip making your skin cool down and your body accept yet another torture, you sighed as te feeling...didn't fade away. You stood there and turned the knob till the water was dripping, drip...drip...drip. You snarled in frustration as you hit the wall of the shower leaving the indentation but the pain didn't turn your attention from the slickness between your legs, you walked outside drying yourself up and huffed as the towel you took smelled of Heisenberg, an electrical charge ran through your body making you moan as if he was right there, his smell, his musk, you dressed up and walked towards the right-wing of the factory. You were determined to get rid of it, you will ask him to give you just one potion, he wouldn't refuse you right?! Right!?? You were walking fast towards the room, after all the smell was still lingering in the air like a damn cake, ready to be bitten, you shook your head what was happening to you, you had no damn idea as you neared the room that you heard the noises coming from it still held it's secret resident inside as you stepped on something it made clacking noise as if made of glass...You looked down to see the four poor bottles drained from their liquid, you stood there like a deer caught in lights, the smell was so much as you were practically panting it was so unusual to be so close, this smell was so well defining an Alpha as you failed to notice the door has opened slowly and the said so man standing there, as the door was open his pheromones hit you like a train, you wobbled to contain your balance you heard a dark and deep chuckle looking up you were met by pair of glowing yellow eyes.

"Ohh, sweetheart it took you quite long to come and pay me a visit!" his voice was so deep and gruff it made you whine, and he growls in response as he licked his lips littered with scars, his chest was heaving with rapid breaths he took as he took one long inhale he smiled showing his fags. "Damn it sugar, you practically smell of pure sex and lust!" he growled and smiled looking at your shaking and trembling from his pheromones was working their wonders on you! "Let's play a game little pup, you run I chase! If you succeed to hide I'll let you take the lead, but if..." he paused smiling and huffing "...I catch you, I'll make the whole damn village to know who you belong to, I'll nail you till the only thing you'll know is my name!" he smiled, his pupils dilated with lust seeing you rub your legs together your smell was maddening him as the veins on his strong arms and neck were pulsing his wolf self calling ut for him to claim you!

To be continued...

[boopdoopsmemes]

Out of context things my friends and I have said playing VR Chat  sentence starters!!

“Are you having some problems there?” 

“Not this is the most fun I’ve had in quite a while.”

“You can climb the mountain.” 

“I’m not picking your cake up again.”

“Anything is better than what I normally do on uh- what day is it today?”

“Do I look like I have rabies?” 

“First of all- shut up.”

“The longer he talks, the more I feel my braincells dying.” 

“To be fair, you’ve done some pretty dumbass moves yourself.” 

“Yeah I know no one cares, I’m already over it.” 

“I did it! Fuck yeah!” 

“Maybe this isn’t so bad.”

“You gotta smack it like an old TV.”

“If you try anything, I can kick your ass.”

“You’re like what- a foot shorter than me?” 

“How are you still alive after doing all this crap?”

“Jokes on you, I can swim.”

“Trust me, you wanna have a couple days where you don’t kill anybody.”

“Really? NOW you wanna tell me?”

“I need more cake.”

“I tried baking once... I may or may not have burned something down.” 

“ [She’s] killed someone. Definitely.” 

[malhare-archive]

I was recently diagnosed as bipolar (adding to my ptsd, ocd, autism, panic disorder, anxiety, depression, and several physical ailments 🙃), and after the initial shock finally settled in my very first thought was "well at least Virgil won't treat me like a dog with rabies lol they'll get a kick out of this"

LIKE A DOG WITH RABIES.... Anon okay I've gotta respond to this one proper: I'm (technically sort of) bipolar too! Schizoaffective bipolar type. So if you ever wanna chat with someone who understands (at least the bipolar part) I'm around <3

[tlbodine]

Books Read in March

I started some of these in the end of Feb. but wanted to put them in this list because I wasn’t done with them in time :)

The Changeling - Victor LaValle

A man works hard, falls in love, has a beautiful family, and then loses everything in one awful moment. His quest to get it back takes him to a place outside this world, a journey through grief by way of monsters and mysteries. You ever read a book where you know from the premise where it’s headed but the event still hits you like a ton of bricks? Yeah. That’s the first half of The Changeling. LaValle takes his time slowly building up believable, complex, flawed characters so that by the time the horror hits you, it’s got way too much momentum to pump the brakes. Unfortunately for me the second half of the book doesn’t pack the same punch, it feels a bit like a kitchen sink situation where a ton of plot ideas all get dumped in at the same time. But the ideas are intriguing, and the writing is lovely, and I’ll happily read more from LaValle in the future. 

The Magician’s Nephew - C.S. Lewis

Boy I sure have been on a “stolen children/alternate worlds” kick lately huh? I’ve been rewatching The Magicians lately and it made me want to try re-reading the Narnia books, which I haven’t touched in 20 years but which I remember loving as a kid. And they’re all available in audio on Libby, narrated by Kenneth Branaugh (who is amazing), which makes them the perfect accompaniment for housework. Also, I’d never read this one when I was reading the Narnia books as a kid, so it’s a treat. It’s wild reading it now and seeing just how much influence it has on Lev Grossman’s story, and also the cross-pollination with Tolkien. It’s neat, and I like it very much (and don’t tell Tolkien but I think Lewis is actually a more talented writer, lion jesus notwithstanding)

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson

On the list of things I have shamefully never read, this book -- which is by all accounts possibly the finest haunted house story ever. How? How have I never read this? It’s beautifully written, although it’s also a bit..explain-y in the way that books of that era often were. It takes its sweet time getting anywhere, to the point I often felt like “omg stop sitting around chatting and get on with it!” But nevertheless, I love the idea of a house that’s feral and surly and malicious all on its own -- not haunted so much as actively hostile. And I love the character dynamics and intricacies. I know they made a Netflix show based on this book, I should probably go scope that out...

Survivor Song - Paul Tremblay

Tremblay is fast becoming one of my all-time favorite authors. I loved both of his books I’d read prior, and I’ve been looking forward to this one since its release last year -- spookily well-timed, considering the events of 2020.  Final verdict? It's quite good, TOO REAL, like really eerily prescient in a way that may have kind of tanked his release because in a post-2020 world it's so on the nose accurate about so many things that it feels lazy until you remember that actually he predicted all of this shit because he did his research and the trends are inevitable. it's ultimately more sad/tragic than scary and simultaneously ends exactly the way I predicted it would on page 1 but also completely surprised me. One warning, because it's a book about super rabies, there is a fair amount of animal death, some of it violent. None of it like....grotesque or in poor taste, and it doesn't linger on it, but there are multiple fatal interactions with rabid animals. 

I also read a good deal of short fiction this month as I was studying technique in preparation for my story structure guide. Some notable shorts: 

"The Other Place" by Mary Gaitskill https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/02/14/the-other-place?currentPage=all

"Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been" by Joyce Carol Oates https://celestialtimepiece.com/2015/01/21/where-are-you-going-where-have-you-been/

"The Road Virus" by Stephen King http://www.krypta-smierci.neostrada.pl/ebooks/Stephen%20King%20-%20Rare%20-%20The%20Road%20Virus%20Heads%20North.html

"Miriam" by Truman Capote https://literaryfictions.com/fiction-1/miriam-by-truman-capote/

"Dial Tone" by Benjamin Percy https://muse.jhu.edu/article/217364

"The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis" by Karen Russell https://electricliterature.com/the-graveless-doll-of-eric-mutis-by-karen-russell

[thatjacobsgirl]

[ panic ] - sarah jacobs && davey jacobs

as the days got shorter and sarah’s workdays got longer, davey insisted on walking her home from work every day. ever since the fight and her stint in the hospital, davey’s big brother mode was kicked into overdrive especially when it came to sarah. she wanted to be mad, but she couldn’t when she got to spend extra time with davey. as they walked along the road, chatting nonchalantly about their days, sarah’s senses were on high alert. taking in every moving shadow and person they crossed with scrutiny. they were almost home when sarah felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight. something was here. they heard a trash can fall over and instinctively, sarah pulled davey back behind her protectively. memories flashed across her mind of when she and les had been mugged in the street and sarah hadn’t been able to do a thing to stop it. well, not this time. she breathed a sign of relief as a racoon scampered out of the trash can, probably just looking for a meal. turning back to davey, who’s eyebrow was arched in surprised, sarah shrugged. ‘what? those guys have rabies.’ she pointed out. but she didn’t let go of davey’s hand until they were home.

@walkingmxuth​

[alyas-ladyblog]

A Not So Brief Hiatus P.7

First Previous Next

Ao3

Hey everyone! Sorry this update’s so late, school kicked up, so I’ve been trying to juggle that, my internship and this. I’m super excited that we finally got to the introduction of the Fox hero. Alya’s section of the fic will end soon, and we’ll be moving onto the next character, which will be fun :)

Anyways, hope you enjoy, and likes and reblogs are always appreciated.

Corporislatro, I am Hawkmoth. Aren’t you tired of your best friend acting as though she’d be anything without you? I’m giving you the power to make your best friend walk in your shoes, and you in hers. In return, you must bring me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculouses.

Do we have a deal?

“Yes Hawkmoth.”

---

“shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” Marinette whispered, clambering downstairs, Tikki floating close behind. 

Tikki suddenly yelped, and dove into the fruit bowl on the counter. 

Before she could react, Marinette heard a noise. 

She stiffened. 

Sabine walked out in her robe, blearily rubbing her eyes. 

“Marinette honey, what’s going on?” 

Marinette shushed her. 

“It’s an akuma. Go back into your room, and stay there,” she said, pushing her mom back towards her parents’ room. 

As she moved to close the door, Sabine grabbed her wrist. 

“What about you?” She said, and began pulling Marinette in. 

Another cackle sounded from outside, and Sabine paused. 

“Marinette,” Alya’s singsong voice floated through the house. “Where are you girl?” 

Sabine’s eyes widened. “Is that–” 

Marinette shut the door on her mom’s face. 

“I’ll be fine!” Marinette said through the door. “I’m just going back up to my room, and I’m gonna lock myself in. I’ll be safe, I promise.” 

She heard her mom pounding on her frame as she dashed off. 

She wondered how long it would take before Sabine remembered that that door locked from the inside. 

Marinette ducked behind the couch, away from the living room window. 

Tikki zipped out of the fruit bowl. 

“That was a close call,” She said. 

“Yeah, no kidding,” Marinette replied. “Let’s get this done quickly, I owe Alya an explanation. Tikki, Spots On!” 

The transformation washed over her. 

Ladybug emerged from behind the couch, sneaking into the hall and out the backdoor, and swung her way onto the roof of the school as quietly as she could. 

She surveyed the area, spotting Alya’s akumatized form pacing back and forth on her the Dupain-Cheng balcony. 

Ladybug pulled out her yoyo, using the camera to get a closer look. 

She started when she saw Alya. 

Her hair was pulled into two ponytails at the back of her head, and she wore a light grey, almost white jacket, and a black shirt with white cherry blossoms and pink vines on them. Her pants were a darker, more muted version of the same pink, and she wore a similarly colored cross body purse. 

“She’s wearing my clothes,” Ladybug breathed. 

Akuma Alya turned, and stomped her foot. 

Ladybug noted the black tears running down her face, and her white eyes, devoid of any pupil or iris. 

Ladybug’s eyes narrowed, and she zoomed in with her yoyo, looking for anything that stood out, that might house the akuma. 

“Fancy mew-ting you here, milady.” 

Ladybug let out a startled squeak and fell forward. 

She felt someone grab her wrist, and pull her back. 

As soon as she regained her footing, Chat let go of her wrist. 

“Sorry,” he said quietly, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

He crouched next to her. “So, what do we know?” 

“The akuma is Alya Césaire, the author of the Ladyblog. Still not sure what her powers are, or why she got akumatized, but I’m guessing it has something to do with Marinette Dupain Cheng, her best friend. She was looking for her earlier, and that’s whose balcony she’s standing on. And before you ask,” Ladybug said, holding up her hand as Chat tried to interrupt her, “Marinette is safe. I have her in a secure hiding place. Alya won’t find her.” 

“Okay good,” Chat said with a nod. “Alya again,” he murmured. “Seems the poor thing’s having a rough go at it. Oblivio only happened a few weeks ago.” 

Ladybug felt a twinge of guilt at that. 

“Well, if we get this done fast, we can talk to her afterwards and check on how she’s doing,” Chat said. 

Ladybug nodded. 

“Okay,” she said. 

The two sprang forward, and Ladybug swung onto the balcony, Chat Noir touching down a second later. 

Akumatized Alya shrieked, seemingly put on defense. She hopped back, sprinting across the rooftops, Ladybug and Chat Noir in hot pursuit. 

The two followed her onto the roof of a greenhouse, where Alya gave them a mocking salute and fell back, shattering the pane she fell on. 

The duo hopped in after her, landing in the middle of a variety of plants. 

Ladybug backed up slowly until she bumped backs with Chat Noir. She drew her yoyo, but waited to turn it into her barrier, knowing the light it gave off would put a target on their back. 

Chat did the same, holding his baton with one hand, his other hand ghosting Ladybug’s hip, assuring her of his presence. 

They held their position, looking around for Alya. 

The greenhouse was unnaturally quiet. 

Ladybug felt the hairs on her neck stand on end. 

“Look out!” she yelled, just as Akumatized Alya dropped down from a bar on the ceiling, firing beams of light at them from two wristlets. 

Ladybug and Chat Noir dove in separate directions, and dodged the incoming beams. 

“Stand still!” the akuma roared. 

“Keep her busy!” Ladybug commanded. 

Chat nodded. 

He ran right for her, batting the beams of light out of the way with his baton. “You trying to get a picture of me for the Ladyblog Alya?” He asked, bringing his baton down, right where the akuma was standing. 

The akuma sidestepped the attack, and drove her elbow into Chat’s ribs. “It’s not Alya anymore, it’s Corporislatro,” she said, smashing her hand into his face.

 Chat flew back and rolled back into a somersault, landing on his feet. “Don’t you know Alya? Cat’s always land on their feet.” 

Corporislatro bared her teeth. “I’m going to relieve you of all nine of your lives kitty cat,” she hissed, charging Chat. 

Chat’s eyes widened, and he leapt out of the way, tripping the akuma. “Meowch,” he said, “I love a good cat pun but that one was just plain vicious.”

 He saw a flash of light out of the corner of his eye, and Ladybug holding what looked to be…a box of tea? 

Ladybug’s eyes lit up in recognition. “I’ll be back!” She shouted, throwing her yoyo out through the shattered window, launching herself into the sky. 

Chat cursed under his breath. 

Guess he was gonna be babysitting. 

He turned back to Corpwhatever and sighed at the wolfish grin she threw his way. 

“I hope I don't have to get a rabies shot after this,” he said, and drew his baton. 

--- 

Marinette burst into Master Fu’s studio. 

“Master! I need your help.” 

Fu nodded, and turned to the phonograph. 

He drew the miracle box from it, and opened it in front of her. 

“Pick an ally to help you on this mission,” Fu began, and Marinette tuned him out. 

She looked down at the options. 

Turtle? 

No. Corporislatro was too fast. 

Bee? 

No. She was too evasive, and could switch to using those beams to attack from a distance. 

Dragon? 

There wasn’t any point. The akuma didn’t seem to have any weakness to the elements. 

What she needed was a distraction. 

Marinette’s hand drifted towards the Fox. 

She hesitated. 

Was that too soon? Would bringing out Alya’s old miraculous to use against her be rubbing salt in the wound? 

“Trust your intuition Marinette,” Fu said. 

Marinette nodded, and grabbed the Fox Miraculous. 

Fu handed her the box, and she gingerly put the necklace inside. 

“Do you have someone in mind?” 

Her phone vibrated. 

Luka⚡️10:58pm: There’s an akuma in the greenhouse near your house. Stay inside. Stay safe. 

Marinette smiled. “I think I have the perfect candidate.” 

---- 

Ladybug cursed, leaping onto another rooftop. The boat had been empty. 

She sprinted past her bakery, then came to a screeching halt. 

Her parents were outside the bakery, talking with someone. 

She dropped down in front of them. “Monsieur, Madame, you need to get inside, it isn’t safe for you to–” 

Her sentence trailed off, and she realized who her parents were talking to. 

Luka raised his hand in greeting. 

“The akuma has our daughter!” Sabine sobbed, quickly drawing her attention back to the problem at hand. 

“It’s alright love,” Tom said, pressing a kiss to his wife’s forehead. “Ladybug is here now, she’ll fix this.” 

Ladybug took Sabine’s hand. “Marinette is safe. The akuma was targeting her, so I took her somewhere protected. She’s hiding now and she’s in good hands: the akuma can’t get to her. I apologize for the scare.” 

Sabine nodded, and gave her a watery smile. 

“Thank you, Ladybug.” 

Ladybug smiled back. “Is there anything you can tell me about this akuma?” 

“Her power seems like it makes people switch personalities,” Luka responded. “She hit my sister, and my sister started acting like her girlfriend. It even changed her hair and clothes to match, and she was crying these black tears,” he said with a shudder. 

“After hitting her, the akuma tried hitting my mom and I, but lost her patience and left, and Jule-Rose seems fine. The akuma had said something about finding Marinette, so I ran here, to try and make sure she was safe.” 

Ladybug nodded. “Any other details?” 

Luka shook his head. 

“Well then, we best be getting you home.” 

Ladybug looped her free arm around Luka, and turned back to her parents. 

“Monsieur, Madame, for your safety, please get back inside.” 

Sabine squeezed Ladybug’s hand, and her and Tom went back into the bakery. 

Ladybug breathed a sigh of relief, and grabbed her yoyo, launching them into the air. 

She dropped them in a nearby alleyway. 

“Ladybug why did we–” Ladybug thrust the box at him. 

“Luka Couffaine, this is the Miraculous of the Fox, which grants the power of illusion. You will use it for the greater good, and when the mission is over, you will return it to me. Can I trust you?” 

Luka’s eyes crinkled in confusion. 

“What about Viperion?” 

“Not the right choice for this mission,” she said. 

“But isn’t there already a fox?” 

“She asked to be retired,” Ladybug explained, feeling the familiar tightening in her chest. 

Luka nodded, not pressing the matter, which she appreciated. 

He opened the box, and Trixx shot out. 

“Heya new guy! The name’s Trixx, I’m your kwami, you know the drill. Remember to focus when you cast your mirage, and keep playing until you want it to fall. To detransform, it’s Trixx, let’s rest, and to transform, just say Trixx, let’s pounce.” 

Luka slipped on the necklace. “Trixx, let’s pounce!” 

The transformation washed over him, giving him a fur trimmed hood, and a sharper mask, with an orange line under each eye, coming down to a point on his nose. 

Ladybug tilted her head. 

His suit was mostly cream colored, with gradients of orange concentrated at his joints and on his head. 

She’d never seen a fox quite like it. 

“Let’s head out,” he said, leaping onto the roof. 

“So, what do you want me to call you?” Ladybug asked, jogging next to him. 

Luka hummed. “Euterpe,” he said finally. 

The two stopped across the way from the greenhouse, where they could see flashes of bright light coming from within.

Euterpe’s eyes widened. “Is Chat–” 

“Alone in there with Corporislatro? Yeah. Listen, I need you to stay hidden, alright? This is Alya, even in her akumatized form, she'll know what having the fox around means, and she'll be on the lookout for illusions.”

 Euterpe nodded. “I’ll stick to the shadows,�� he said, peeling off from their spot and perching on the roof, watching the fight from above. 

Ladybug dropped down through the roof, landing in front of Chat Noir, reflecting one of Corporislatro’s beams back towards her. 

“I thought you were bringing a friend!” Chat said, knocking a beam to the side with his baton. 

Ladybug threw her yoyo, the end wrapping around the ceiling beam, and swung at Corporislatro, driving her feet into the akuma’s chest, sending her flying. 

“I did!” she said, dropping back onto the ground. “I told him to wait to make his appearance.” 

Chat feigned offense. “So when he makes a grand entrance, it’s ‘fine’, and ‘Ladybug approved,’ but when I make a grand entrance it’s ‘a strategic misstep’ and ‘showboating’, I see how it is Bugaboo.” 

Ladybug laughed, her back turned to where the akuma was. 

Chat’s eyes widened when he saw the beam coming for her. 

“Ladybug watch out!” He thrust his hand forward. 

Ladybug turned, and the beam hit her square in the chest. 

Chat flung his baton like a boomerang, sending Corporislatro flying once more.

He caught the baton, and turned back to Ladybug, who was doubled over. 

Chat watched in horror as her hair receded, changing into a short pixie cut. Two antennae sprung from above her temples, and her suit turned black, with a solitary red spot spanning the majority of her mask, her face covered in the same black tears as Alya’s. Shiny, bug-like armor covered her torso, and her yoyo disappeared. 

She stood up, eyes still closed, and Chat noticed two red spots, one on each cheek. 

Her eyes opened, and Chat recoiled. 

Ladybug’s eyes were indigo. 

Her now-indigo eyes widened. 

“Oh no,” she breathed. Chat rushed forward. 

“What happened?” He asked, placing his hands on her face. 

The second he touched her, he flinched. 

Waves of pure energy rolled off of her. This was not Ladybug, this was something even more powerful, something ancient. 

He recognized the energy. 

“Tikki?” Ladyb-Tikki nodded. 

“Alya’s power seems to swap whoever gets hit’s body with their best friend.” 

Something bubbled up in Chat’s chest, but he shoved that feeling down. 

This was serious. 

Chat grabbed Tikkibug, who responded with a small, “eep!” and jumped out the building, stumbling upon the white fox. 

“Change of plans Foxtrot, we need to go, now.” 

The new hero nodded, tucking his flute in between his sash and his back, and ran after them. 

Once they were far enough away, Chat placed Tikkibug on the ground gently. 

“Is she…” Chat’s sentence trailed off, not sure how to finish the thought. 

“Ladybug’s fine,” Tikkibug confirmed. “I can sense her freaking out, but she’s aware of what’s going on. It just means she’s having to control our powers now.” 

Tikkibug held out her hand, and the yoyo appeared in it in a flash of light. “I haven’t been in control in a couple of millennia, but I have access to more power than Ladybug does at the moment. I would prefer not to use it, because without me moderating the flow of power it can get a little…messy very quickly.” 

“What do you mean by messy?” The fox hero asked. 

Tikkibug winced. “I just wanted to summon some water, but ended up submerging an entire city.” 

“Oh, that kind of messy,” the fox hero said, his voice an octave higher than it was before. He took a breath and turned to Chat. “Nice to meet you by the way, I’m Euterpe.” He stuck his hand out. 

Chat took his hand, and shook it, marveling at how soft his suit looked, and tried not to think about Tikki admitting to sinking Atlantis. “Nice to meet you, Euterpe.” 

“What’s the plan?” Euterpe asked, turning to Tikkibug. 

She furrowed her brow. “We need to get Alya into an enclosed location, so we can limit her potential targets, and corner her, but one big enough to maneuver in.” 

“What about the Grand Palais?” Euterpe suggested. 

Tikkibug nodded. “That should work.”

[twistedtwinsproductions]

Was an absolute honor to have the North American Premiere at the wonderful @screamfestla who has supported us so graciously for years. Four countries in two weeks is a lot. We wish we could have stayed & chatted more, but it took the toll on us and we’ve come down with a mutated strand of rabies or so it feels. Thank you to the cast who came out to support the film, @littlemissrisk, @twistytroy & @supervandie, composer #ClaudeFoisy, soundtrack artist @drkevvy, and from Masters FX @masters.todd & Kyle from the Toronto shop (the folks who made the makeup FX that got us kicked off Twitter). Huge thanks to the entire team who made this possible - your work shined on the big screen. The US will get the film through @shoutfactory lucky December, Friday the 13th in theatres/VOD/home video. Please tell your friends about this unique Canadian body horror that features the best Canadian cast - @hanneke.talbot @hollingsworthb @mackenziegray57 #TedAtherton @gregbryk #StephenMcHattie @dionkaras @edie_inksetter @thekevinhanchard with our two Americans - @cmpunk & @theajmendez - and our phenomenal crew - @kimderkocsc @paularoguestorm @mywildweb @mihaichuk @karldjason @laurolash120 @mastersfx1 #UrbanPost @rogerhgingerich @morganne_m_muse #BryanDay @tokyorosed @jeff_collins101 - more than I can list - thank you for making this film happen. You know what you did & we are forever grateful 🙏🙏 As a last thought, in this rabid world filled vampires - don’t allow yourself to be infected. You can be anything you want to be in this world - always be kind. You never know what battles people are fighting. https://www.instagram.com/p/B3sIbZIFjV2Wg_wbmW91037nsJ7ghFIF58pYi40/?igshid=1ghu0jvmjl5ui

[bookenders]

Happy Storyteller Saturday! Let's say your whole cast goes on a camping trip. What activities would everyone be found doing? Who would be obsessing over trying to find a wifi signal on their phone? (I feel like the latter is Oz solely so he can work, am I right? XD) What happens when it inevitably starts to downpour?

Storyteller Saturday!

@quilloftheclouds​, these poor fools on a camping trip would be a true comedy of errors. I had way too much fun with this one.

I’ve never been camping before (I am not a big naturey person) but here’s my best guess at what would go on!

Allow me to get narrative for a mo’. This is a whole thing for these folks. 

Loooong answer incoming!

It’s a beautiful sunny day, and Car 1 has arrived at the campsite. Out step Oz, Gemma, Mel, and Harry. Car 2 arrives shortly after and Mary, Treena, Jill, and Fred get out and follow the others.

Car 1′s trip: Oz insisted on driving and Harry barely fought him about it. He and Gemma are in the front seats, Mel and Harry are in the back. If Harry sat up front, she’d annoy Oz so much that he’d kick her out halfway there. Gemma is at least a little more subdued, except when she tries to change the music from classic rock and Oz threatens to turn the car around if she doesn’t stop. Mel and Harry chat in the back seat, Harry doing most of the talking. Every so often someone asks Mel a question she doesn’t want to answer and then the whole car gets a little awkward after whatever she chooses to respond with, since no one knows what to say about that. Gemma usuallly rescues the car from awkward silences by pestering Oz.

Car 2′s trip: Jill is not allowed to drive, so Treena takes the wheel. Jill is in the passenger seat, Mary and Fred are in the back. Mary and Fred talk the whole way up since they’re besties. Treena and Jill sing along to the radio and try to get the back seat to join in.

Once they set up the campsite, Oz, Harry, and Treena doing most of the work, everyone does their own thing for a bit.

Gemma drags Mel on a quick hike around the area to look at plants, even though she already knows what grows there. Mel goes along willingly to make Gemma happy.

Harry sets up all cooking tools and takes stock of the coolers. Snacks are a free-for-all unless Harry is standing by the food, in which case she gives you what she wants to give you and you accept it.

Fred double checks his bags and confirms he forgot his pajamas and an extra pair of socks. He borrows one of Oz’s four extra pairs.

Mary finds a quiet place to sit and pulls out her sketchbook.

Treena thinks about catching up to Gemma and Mel but settles on finding a comfy place to sit and reading until she gets bored. She’s the one who is constantly secretly checking for wifi. 

Jill is also walking around with her phone in the air because she didn’t pay for Spotify. She’s also the one who is the most inappropriately dressed for camping and hiking and general outdoorsy-ness. Eventually she gives up and starts singing herself until someone joins in or tells her to shush.

Oz tries to teach Fred how to pitch a tent and start a fire. Mary watches nervously from where she’s drawing. The kicker: Oz learned how from Gemma. He’s a city boy who found out he likes camping, so Gemma volunteered to help him look like he knows what he’s doing. 

Jill keeps a bucket of water at the ready.

When Gemma and Mel come back, Oz offers to teach Mel and Fred at the same time, but Mel laughs and says she already knows whatever he has to teach her. Oz gets a little salty until Jill makes a dumb inappropriate joke and Harry ruffles his hair.

Other things that totally happen:

Fred accidentally kicks a tent pole and sends it crashing down on Gemma, who is inside changing into her warm pajamas. She shrieks and some birds fly out of nearby trees.

Mel hits a fish when skipping rocks in the little steam nearby. Woops.

Jill gets bored and pulls an inflatable beach ball out of her backpack. After about 5 minutes, it gets impaled on a high tree branch. RIP. 

The Ladies, Gemma, and Mel play flashlight tag while Oz sits out and Fred watches, recording the whole thing on his phone. Gemma trips and gets a face full of dirt. Mel piggy-backs her back to the fire to check for injuries. (She’s totally fine and makes a lot of terrible doctor puns while Mel pokes at her face and elbows and knees.)

Mary’s marshmallow falls into the fire. Fred’s marshmallow falls into the fire. Jill’s marshmallow falls into the fire. Gemma laughs until her stick shakes too much and her marshmallow falls into the fire. 

With this group, campfire songs and stories are absolutely amazing. Jill has the funniest ones, Treena has the coolest ones, Oz has the shortest ones (Harry jumps in every so often to keep them interesting), Gemma has the most wholesome ones, and Mel has some weird ones that everyone loves. Mary and Harry tell ghost stories. Fred asks the most questions and keeps the stories going for as long as he can. The ones they’ve all heard before are excessively embellished for Mel’s sake. 

Song-wise, Mel and Treena teach everyone a few folk songs (Fred picks them up the fastest). Everyone teaches Mel some popular songs, too. Gemma spends way too long trying to get Oz to sing Miley Cyrus, Jill and Harry joining in.

Mel shares some of her animal knowledge when they find a raccoon and she holds it like a cat. Everyone freaks out about rabies, but Mel just laughs. After confirming it is not infested with disease, Gemma pets it. 

Mel also finds a porcupine and teaches Jill how to pick one up. This is when Oz throws up his hands and returns to camp, Harry cackling behind him.

Gemma takes the opportunity to teach everyone a little natural medicine on a group hike. Mel assists. It’s adorable, like a Science Museum tour for kids. Everyone has a great time.

In the event of the inevitable downpour:

(because, let’s be real, this would totally happen to these poor fools.)

Oz immediately stamps out the fire.

Fred, Mary, and Harry shriek and rush to their tents. Jill basks in the rain for a moment before flinging her hair out of her face and hustling to her own. Treena brings any water-sensitive things into her tent as soon as it starts.

The tent situation: Harry and Mary in one, Jill and Gemma in one, Oz shares with Fred (which is hilarious to me), and Treena and Mel share one. Guess who assigned tents to a group of adults like a 4th grade teacher? (It was Oz.)

Gemma and Mel don’t really care about the rain (and they each have a second pair of PJs because Gemma made sure they were prepared), so they stay out and make sure nothing’s gonna be damaged. They may have a moment before Oz shouts at them to get inside before they get sick. 

Treena and Jill agreed earlier in the car that Jill and Mel would switch tents, calling themselves the word’s chillest wingwomen. Sorry, not sorry, Oz. Let the ladies have some alone time on this “vacation.”

Mel totally sneaks out and sits in the rain for a few minutes to meditate.

Harry sets a bucket outside to catch rainwater. She doesn’t have any real reason for doing this. She just wants to see how much rain she can get in a bucket. Fred makes a bet with her on how full it’ll be when the rain stops, then suddenly everyone is betting on the bucket of water. Gemma and Mary win in a tie.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: The Happiest Place on Earth

Title: The Happiest Place on Earth Summary: Phil Lester hates his job playing Prince Charming at Disneyland, until another British boy shows up and unexpectedly charms him instead Word Count: 4.6k Rating: Mature Tags: Disneyland, Flirting, Strangers to Lovers, Semi-Public Sex, Hand Jobs Author’s Note: This fic was inspired by the @phanfichallenge’s Disney Challenge. Thanks a million to @ivy625fanfic and @jorzuela for their general wonderfulness, assistance, and encouragement! Also on AO3

The Happiest Place on Earth

Phil pulled off his white NASA t-shirt and black skinny jeans (with the stylish rips that had of course made the jeans ironically more expensive) and began to don the costume that he had rapidly come to despise. He was a fan of colorful clothing, but even he recognized the cheesiness of the bright red polyester pants, and the ridiculously thick white polyester coat always made him sweat like a pig in the Californian summer heat.

God, he missed England! He missed the rain, and the green grass, and the snow in the wintertime. Here, the only greenery was carefully manicured topiary. But he couldn’t control where his father found work, and so he’d relocated with the rest of his family to this godforsaken suburban desert called Anaheim.

Sure, he could have stayed in England on his own, but when not only his mum and dad but also Martyn had all planned the move here together, he hadn’t wanted to be left behind without the three people he was closest to in the entire world. They’d always been a tight-knit family, and he would have missed them terribly.

But he was beginning to think that moving back to England on his own might be the only answer, as working this wretched job at Disneyland had come to seem like a fate worse than death. But he hadn’t been able to find any other work with his degree in English Language and Linguistics. The other Californians he’d met outside of work had joked that his university education had prepared him very well for a career articulately asking, “Would you like fries with that?” Ha bloody ha.

Playing Prince Charming every day might drive him insane, but at least it paid better than McDonald’s. Marginally.

Phil donned the military-style coat with its ridiculously fiddly golden closures and high, scratchy collar, and adjusted the fringed epaulettes on his shoulders, then also the snug belt at his waist. Last, always last, he tugged on the pristine white gloves he was required to wear at all times. Yes, he had to wear not only a thick coat but also gloves in the 33ºC heat. This job sometimes felt death-defying, as if earning his meager wages might actually result in him expiring from heat stroke at any moment.

With his naturally sunny disposition, he had thought that playing a Disney character to amuse children all day would come naturally and even make him happy. But it hadn’t turned out quite as he expected, and his sunny disposition was growing cloudier and cloudier under the bright California sun as he toiled endlessly in this costume so ridiculously unsuited to the local weather.

He slathered his face with sunscreen, since no other skin on his body would be exposed to the sun, before he combed and shellacked his hair into the required unmovable quiff, and then practiced a bright smile as he gazed into the dressing room mirror.

Well, thus started another shift at the happiest fucking place on earth.

***

As he escorted Julie (a.k.a. Cinderella) down Main Street, they maintained their constant smiles and stopped to chat with any park guests who showed an interest. They also, of course, posed for about a thousand photos per hour.

“Oh, you’re even faking a British accent!” a woman in plaid shorts and a striped tank top cooed at him after taking several photos of him with her children as they pelted him with questions about what it was like to be a prince and were he and Cinderella married and where did they live and did they have any kids and a million other questions Phil had to answer a hundred times every day, always making sure to stay in character.

That was the most important part of his job, as the management had stressed over and over during his hiring process and continued to stress nearly every day. He must always stay in character, must always be Prince Charming. Even when one of the overly entitled children kicked him in the shin, he had to laugh it off and tousle the boy’s hair with a faked fondness that potentially put him in danger of getting his hand bitten.

Luckily, the annoying costume gloves would have protected him from whatever rabies the brat might be carrying.

“Your accent doesn’t sound quite right, but it’s good enough to fool the kids, and that’s what matters at Disneyland, right?” The woman grinned at him, showing red lipstick smeared across her front teeth. She made no attempt to control the four children apparently in her care as they ran about and climbed on anything they could get near.

Phil smiled at her, trying not to grind his teeth audibly, and said, “Children certainly are a blessing and a joy, yours especially. It’s been so wonderful to talk with all of you,” and then he took Julie by the gloved hand to guide her away.

“One more picture!” the woman yelled after them, so he and Julie turned, and she looped her arm gracefully through his as they’d been forced to practice a thousand times, and they posed with those bright fake smiles as the tourist snapped a few more photos with her phone before they were released to stroll again down the boulevard full of families sweating in their summer clothing, sure that none of them ever spared a thought for the costumed park employees in their much less comfortable attire.

He thanked his lucky stars that at least he didn’t have to wear one of the non-human costumes, like the fellow who played Mickey Mouse. That guy was always a disgusting, sweat-drenched mess at the end of his shift, but at least he didn’t have to actually talk to the park guests like Phil and Julie did.

It must be much easier to stay in character when you didn’t have to smile or talk.

Suddenly, out of the constant babble around him, Phil noticed an English accent, then another. A family stood nearby, and they were clearly from one of the southern counties. Berkshire, maybe? The voice he had first noticed seemed to belong to an utterly beautiful boy near Phil’s own age, and he couldn’t help but stare a moment until Julie patted his arm to remind him to keep playing his character role.

Always stay in character. Always be Prince Charming. He smiled brightly at the beautiful boy, who raised an eyebrow.

And then suddenly the boy walked away from what Phil could only assume was his family and approached Phil and Julie. “This guy’s a philanderer, you know,” he told Julie, jerking his thumb at Phil. “He’s got loads of other girls on the side. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel … and who knows how many other hapless women who subscribe to the ridiculous gender roles that require them to passively wait to be rescued by a man instead of proactively getting themselves out of their own stupid predicaments.”

Great. A heckler. They didn’t appear often, but when they did … joy. This one was surprisingly—and intriguingly—articulate, but still … a heckler. Phil forced the smile to stay on his face, nodded politely to the beautiful pain in his ass, and began to lead Julie away. The heckler grinned at him, showing deep dimples that only made him more lovely, and Phil contained a groan of dismay at the bolt of intense desire that shot through him.

“He’s also the villain of the story,” Beautiful Heckler continued loudly as they started to turn away. “Anyone who’s watched the Shrek movies knows that.”

“If you’ll excuse us,” Phil bestowed upon the little asshole his most gracious smile, “my princess and I must continue to visit with our many guests.”

The heckler’s brown eyes went wide as he heard Phil’s voice. “You’re English!” he exclaimed in obvious shock. Phil only nodded, his hands embarrassingly sweaty in those terrible gloves, and tried to extricate himself and Julie from this potentially out-of-character conversation.

“Indeed, I am. It’s been lovely to meet you, but we should continue on our way. Please do enjoy your stay in our magical kingdom.” Julie’s hand tightened on his arm, signaling him to speed up their escape. It wasn’t his job to stand talking to a twentyish twink with gorgeous dimples when there were hundreds of small children and lipstick-smeared mothers waiting to meet their favorite Disney characters come to life.

But Heckler Boy put his hand on Phil’s other arm and asked, “Where are you from? And why are you working at Disneyland, of all places?” He was shaking his head in disbelief, shiny brown curls bouncing slightly.

“I’m from a kingdom far away,” Phil replied in character, ignoring Julie’s increasingly tight squeeze on his arm. “But I journeyed far to find my true love.” He turned to smile at Julie, and she smiled at him with her mouth but glared at him with her eyes.

Phil gave in and nodded his best aloof Prince Charming nod at the beautiful heckler, who was now staring at him in apparent fascination, making Phil want to do nothing but stay there and stare at him in return. But he wasn’t Phil right now, and he couldn’t flirt with anyone but Julie, and he couldn’t be visibly gay—though, honestly, what Prince Charming didn’t seem at least a little gay? So he just patted the boy’s hand on his coat sleeve, wishing that there wasn’t a layer of polyester glove preventing their skin from touching, even just for that brief moment, and then he and Julie continued on with their stroll, only to be stopped almost immediately by a family with two small children who wanted to pose for photos.

Smiling for the tourist’s camera, Phil dared a quick glance in the direction where he’d left the beautiful British boy and saw him still watching Phil, which made him blush a bit. Blushing in this costume was extremely unpleasant, as it only made him even warmer than he already was, but he couldn’t help it when such an attractive guy was watching him like that.

After the family had taken their photos, Phil took Julie by the hand again, tucked her arm through his, and escorted her further into the park.

He didn’t look back toward the boy again.

***

Phil groaned with pleasure as he pulled off the hated gloves at the end of his shift, divesting himself of the rest of the horrible costume as quickly as possible. The entire thing was soaked with sweat. It was lucky the park supplied him with a clean costume each day, because he could never have kept up with the laundry himself.

In another stroke of luck, the “backstage” area had showers, so Phil cleaned up with a thorough soap and shampoo, running the water cool enough to give himself goosebumps, but glad of the temperature change after an entire day of roasting in the sun and polyester.

Donning his own clothes again and giving his black hair a quick combing, he snuck out through the backstage entrance instead of the employee exit he was supposed to use. Character-role employees were forbidden to re-enter the park in their street clothes, lest a guest recognize them, spoiling the oh-so-important illusion. Phil couldn’t have said what inspired him to break the rules today when he never had before, but if he’d been forced to guess, he probably could have intuited that it had something to do with a certain heckler with irresistible dimples.

In a park filled with thousands of people, he was extremely unlikely to even see the guy again, let alone have a conversation with him … but only 10 minutes or so after he left the employee area, he saw him. Phil wondered if maybe the guy wouldn’t recognize him now that he was out of costume, but when their eyes met, the boy immediately grinned and said something to his family before turning and walking toward Phil.

He looked Phil up and down, and his first words to him were, “I like the ripped jeans a lot more than the prince outfit. You look hot in a very different way.”

Phil had no idea what to say to that. He’d sort of secretly hoped to see the guy again, but he’d had absolutely no expectation of the guy actually hitting on him.

“Um,” Phil stammered, “I’m not … I’m not really supposed to talk to guests … when I’m out of costume.” He was blushing again, and he cursed his fair skin for giving him away.

The guy leaned close and said quietly, “What if we go somewhere where people won’t see us?” He smirked.

Phil looked around, then walked toward one of the buildings that housed supplies, then ducked behind it so that he and the boy—who had eagerly followed him—were hidden between the wall and the nearby foliage. With the sun going down and the park beginning to get a little dark, there was very little chance anyone would see them here. But he could still see the beautiful boy in the dimming light.

“I’m Dan,” his beautiful heckler said, and then he leaned in to kiss Phil, just like that.

“Whoa!” exclaimed Phil, pulling away slightly. “I mean … what are you…”

Dan raised his eyebrow again, just as he had when their eyes first met hours ago and he asked smugly, “You don’t want to?” And Phil found himself numbly shaking his head.

“No,” Phil rasped out, his voice exhausted after a day of greeting strangers, then laughed a little. “I mean yes.” And then he smiled his first real, honest smile of the day, and Dan kissed him again, this time with a much more enthusiastic response from Phil.

Phil didn’t even know how long they’d been kissing when he felt Dan’s hands slide underneath the back of his t-shirt, stroking the bare skin of his spine. Phil gasped, and his head fell back slightly at the incredible unexpected pleasure.

“I can get away tonight if you want to … you know … meet up and … do something. Together,” Dan suggested awkwardly, kissing the notch at the base of Phil’s throat and then flicking his tongue out against the sensitive skin there to make Phil moan.

Phil lowered his head to look into Dan’s eyes. “I don’t even know who you are,” Phil protested. “Why are you in California? How long are you here? Are you a student, or do you have a job, or…”

Dan asked wryly, “You don’t really care about any of that, do you? Really?”

But Phil shook his head, then nodded, confused. “No. Yes. I do. I don’t just … do this.”

Dan raised that damned eyebrow again. “You don’t? Because, you know, you could. You could pull almost anybody you wanted. You’re fucking gorgeous, you know. Even better out of that ridiculous costume.” He ran his hands through Phil’s damp, freshly showered hair. “And I like your hair better like this. It looked like plastic before, but it’s actually really soft.” Then he stroked his hands through Phil’s hair to the back of his head and reeled him in for another kiss. He pulled away slightly and whispered, “My family’s here on holiday.” Then he kissed Phil again before breathing against his lips, “I’m on my gap year.” Another kiss, longer this time, his tongue stroking against Phil’s in a maddening caress before he slowly pulled away to kiss the side of Phil’s neck and murmur against it, “And we’re in town for another week. During which time I really really hope I’ll see a lot more of you.” He pulled away to look Phil up and down before blatantly licking his lips. “And I do mean that in every sense.”

Phil leaned back against the wall of the outbuilding, breathing heavily. “Jesus. Do you do this on every vacation? Everywhere you go? Just find some stranger and pull him into a corner and suggest…” He shook his head slightly, not sure how to finish that sentence. Because what exactly was Dan suggesting? Quite a bit, if Phil wasn’t mistaken.

Dan sighed and leaned away slightly. “Do we really have to have this conversation? Because … no. No, I’ve actually never just dragged someone off into the bushes like this before, but I feel like … I don’t know. Both of us being from England, and meeting here, and the way you looked at me, and the shivers I got…”

Phil interrupted him. “You got shivers?”

“Didn’t you?” Dan asked, and for the first time he sounded a little uncertain.

“Yeah,” Phil admitted with a slow grin, finally feeling a little more confident. “But I thought it was just me.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Dan replied. “It was like … an electric shock. Like fate or something, meeting you here. I feel like I’ve known you forever, almost from the first moment our eyes met. I can’t explain it.” He breathed out a sort of frustrated sigh. “Are you really going to make me say all this sappy stuff, or can we just kiss some more, and maybe make plans to meet up later?” He swallowed, then looked at Dan with those warm brown eyes, and they looked happy, which made Phil happy, too. “Because I’d really like to meet up later,” Dan whispered, like it was a secret, then leaned forward to kiss Phil again.

They kissed for a long while, Dan pressing up against Phil, pressing him up against the wall so that Phil could feel that Dan was just as hard as he was. “Won’t your family be looking for you?” Phil gasped, reluctantly pulling his lips away from Dan’s.

“I told them I’d meet them at the front gate after the fireworks,” Dan purred. “There will be fireworks, won’t there?” And he slid his hand down to stroke the front of Phil’s jeans, making Phil groan.

“Yes,” Phil gasped, and he didn’t know if he was answering Dan’s question or responding to Dan’s wayward hand. He reached down to press Dan’s hand against his cock through his jeans … and noticed that Dan’s fingers were shaking. Perhaps the boy wasn’t as confident as he seemed? Maybe they should put this all off. Dan had suggested meeting up later, which would give him time to decide if he really wanted this.

Phil spun their bodies around so that Dan was against the wall, with Phil the one leaning forward to press them together. He ground against Dan once, then once again, and Dan’s body arched against him with obvious pleasure. “There’ll be fireworks if you want them. I promise. But not here,” Phil said firmly. Then he frowned. “I mean, there will be fireworks here. There are fireworks here every night during the summer. But not these kinds of fireworks.” And he ground his hips against Dan’s again, and Dan was the one gasping now. Phil wrapped a hand around each of Dan’s wrists, then pinned them against the wall on either side of his head. He thrust against Dan again and they both groaned. “Because for these kinds of fireworks, I’d rather have you naked.” He waited to see how Dan would react.

Dan opened his eyes to look at Phil, and the pupils of his brown eyes were hugely dilated, though Phil wasn’t sure if it was in response to him or to the growing darkness. Dan’s body leaned limp against the wall, as if he’d collapsed, as if he’d completely submitted to Phil. He’d started out as the aggressor, but now he just gazed at Phil in willing, helpless abandon. Phil leaned in to kiss him again, licking his tongue into Dan’s mouth until the beautiful boy was groaning again, his body tight as a bow, pressing as close to Phil as he could get. Both his hands grasped at Phil’s back as if he were absolutely desperate. “Please?” he begged, pressing himself as tightly against Phil as possible.

“Oh, fuck it,” Phil ground out, and he let go of Dan’s wrists so he could reach down to unzip Dan’s jeans, slipping his hand inside to feel him hot and hard through his underwear with its rather obvious damp spot. Dan had been leaking pre-come while they were making out. The evidence only made Phil harder. “I can get you naked next time.”

Dan’s hand reached between them, fumbling to get Phil’s jeans open with eager hands.

“I’ve never done this before,” Phil laughed as they rubbed at each other there in the hidden corner where anyone could happen upon them.

“With a guy, or outside, or at work?” Dan asked, breathing heavily. He squeezed Phil’s cock briefly through the denim and Phil closed his eyes with pleasure.

“Oh, I’ve definitely done it with a guy,” Phil chuckled, “but never outside, and definitely not at work. But somebody tempted me too much for me to resist.” He leaned in to press their mouths together again and felt the eagerness in Dan’s returning kiss. He slipped his hand into Dan’s underwear and Dan cried out at the first touch of skin on skin. Phil quickly placed his other hand over Dan’s mouth, whispering, “Shhh. We don’t want anyone hearing us and coming back here to see what’s going on.” Dan nodded, and Phil took his hand away from the boy’s mouth. As he pulled his hand away, Dan licked his palm with a saucy grin.

He grasped Dan’s cock and pushed his underwear out of the way with his other hand. Meanwhile, Dan was still struggling to get Phil’s jeans open. Suddenly, Phil wondered if Dan had ever done this before. “How about you?” he asked, then stroked Dan’s cock lightly, not wanting this to be over too quickly. “Have you done this before?”

“Of course,” Dan replied, finally getting Phil’s jeans open and slipping a hand in to rub him through his underwear. Phil’s hips bucked toward the touch, but he’d heard the obvious nervous lie in Dan’s words, and this all of a sudden got even hotter. Not only was he exchanging hand jobs with a stranger at work, but it was the boy’s first time with another guy.

“I don’t believe you,” Phil whispered against Dan’s lips. “I think I’m the first guy you’ve been with, even though you’re…” his words cut off in a moan as Dan’s hand slipped into his underwear and grasped him in a tight grip. “Even though you’re doing fantastic.” Phil bit his own lip in pleasure, then leaned forward to nibble at Dan’s arching neck, giving it a flick of his tongue in apology and wondering if he would leave a mark. He liked the idea of Dan returning to his family with Phil’s mark on him, even if it might not be the best idea. He decided to try to be more careful.

Dan was panting now, thrusting into Phil’s hand as he squeezed and stroked Phil’s cock with an obviously inexpert touch, unaccustomed to this angle. “Okay,” Dan admitted on a moan. “Yeah, I haven’t done this with a guy before.” He leaned forward for another passionate kiss before adding, “But you just … the way you looked at me … and then in those ripped jeans … like I said … shivers.” And Phil felt Dan’s body shiver again, just at the memory. But a moment later he realized it had been a different kind of shudder as Dan’s cock pulsed and he began to come. Ironically, the first boom of fireworks above them happened at nearly the same time, and Phil saw Dan’s ecstatic face illuminated by blue lights falling above them.

“Faster,” Phil urged as Dan’s hand slowed during his own release. Obligingly, Dan sped up his strokes and soon Phil too was coming, his orgasm spurred by the knowledge that they could be caught at any moment, combined with awareness that Dan had never done this before and Phil was his first.

As their breathing slowed, fireworks continued to explode above them, occasionally illuminating their faces with a variety of different colors as they stared at each other. Phil hadn’t hoped for anything more than maybe a glimpse of the dimpled heckler, and he now guessed that Dan had probably hoped for nothing more than perhaps a quick make-out session. They both gazed at each other in wonder, chests still heaving.

“I saw fireworks. How about you?” Dan laughed breathlessly, his smart mouth finally making a reappearance. He was grinning, and his dimples were shadows in the light of the sparkles falling high above their heads.

“Definitely fireworks,” Phil replied and kissed that smart mouth. “And shivers.”

“And shivers,” Dan agreed on a quiet breath.

They lingered, kissing more softly now, their bodies leaning together as if they were holding each other up. Phil noticed Dan holding his hand away from his body and laughed. “My shirt is white. Nobody will notice before I get it home and wash it.” Dan didn’t seem to understand what Phil meant until Phil grabbed his hand and wiped the come off both of their hands onto his NASA t-shirt.

Dan laughed softly. “God, I hope we didn’t get my jeans. What’ll my parents think?” Phil guessed that he was probably blushing, though the hues of the fireworks hid any natural color of Dan’s skin.

“Probably nothing even nearly as good as the truth,” Phil joked.

He stroked his hand down Dan’s body again, making the boy twitch, but Phil merely slipped his hand into Dan’s jeans pocket to pry out the boy’s phone and type in his number. “Call me. Then we’ll see about more of those fireworks.” He grinned at Dan. “Like I said … they’re every night during the summer.” He kissed Dan softly again as he slid the phone back into Dan’s pocket.

Dan gazed at him with eyes deep and filled with stars. “What name should I look for in my phone?”

Phil frowned, confused. “What?”

“Did you just put your name as Prince Charming, or do your friends call you something a little less pretentious?”

Phil laughed and said, “Oh my god. I can’t believe I never told you my name. It’s Phil. My name is Phil.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Phil,” Dan said formally, and then broke into giggles.

Phil pulled away and giggled along with him, seeing his own giddy happiness reflected in Dan’s face as the firework show’s grand finale exploded in multiple colors at once above them. “I have to … um…” Dan stammered shyly. “I have to go meet my family at the front gate.”

“I know,” Phil replied, then kissed him one more time, just a brush of their lips.

“But I’ll call you,” Dan hurried to add. “Phil.” And he smiled again.

“I know,” Phil repeated with a grin, and then gave him one last kiss. Dan turned to walk away, but looked back once before he disappeared into the crowd. Phil smiled and raised a hand, then chuckled to himself when he realized it was the one that was still slightly coated in drying bodily fluids.

When he was sure Dan was gone, Phil turned to walk back toward the employee lot where he’d parked his car. He walked loose-limbed, thumbs hooked into the front pockets of his ripped jeans … and for the first time today, Disneyland really did feel like the happiest place on earth.

Author’s End Note: I’m just going to ignore the logistical difficulties of mutual simultaneous hand jobs when one participant is right handed and the other is left handed. Pretend I never even pointed out the potential awkwardness.

[significantfoliage]

911, S2 E7: Haunted!

- BUCK NARRATION????

- McFucking WHAT, IS THAT A FUCKING ZOMBIE????

- ah, the episode title is Haunted, understood

- I really don't think heavy machinery is the solution to Not crushing someone but okay lol

- for being in LA, I feel like other languages should be relevant more often

- okay it's a Closed trail, that's why they don't have any closer units

- I swear they've gotten a copter on less before, kinda surprised they didn't have one out there already

- thanks 911 for commiting to this ghosts bit. Doesn't really seem to fit the shows vibe?? But it's fun

- fucking obsessed with Athena just jumping on this. I've decided it's because Buck is secretly her favorite (besides her bestie and bf obvie)

- look at Ediie all spiffed up and checking out a school for Chris 😊

- OH SHIT WHAT???? EDDIE YOU GOTRA DIVORCE HER ASS OR SOMETHING AAAA

- the chick in this haunted maze couple is Adorable

- lol I don't think rabies kicks in that quickly

- OOF 2018 AND DO I HAVE TO NAME THE PRESIDENT JOKES, OUCH

- Athena adopting the siblings is my Fav Thing

- ARE YOU SHITTING ME THE CALL SEEMS ACTUALLY HAUNTED THIS IS SO FUNNY

- dang it Buck, Please Move In With Eddie

- dang now I want Chinese take out

- hahaha now the siblings are going to talk around how Eddie needs to move on

- really concerned about how this chat with Eddie's wife (still wild) is going to go

- also it's definitely bullshit that they need to do a family interview and assumed a wife situation

- like okay. She made some points but also?? Why wouldn't she divorce him or even NOT GET WITH HIM if the military service was a problem??

- EDDIE'S COSTUME HELP 😂😂😂🤣

- Christopher's costume 🥺😍💜

- that horse Clearly needs more training lol

- love that summary of how horses are super fucked up

- okay now I'm mad at this show cause I fucking hate horses and this horse boy is making me feel things I fucking hate this AAAAAAA

- why is no one stopping this kid from coming through a police/fire barrier surrounding a dead/dying animal???

- all love to Athena, ma'am why would you deliver this news Halloween night

- oh geez she just seems like. Kinda ablest? Well intended but shitty? Very like. Parent of an autistic child stereotype

- YALL WHY ARE YOU KISSING YOU HAVE YEARS OF BAGGAGE YOU NEED TO UNPACK

- Buck pacing with a tea bag brewing in his mug is Adorable

- please don't remind me about NHS

- okay I still hate narration summarizing episode lessons and themes as both opening and ending. It just gives like. He-Man and South Park vibes, idk. But having it be Buck and it be what he wrote in this letter? That's a lot better for me than usual

- Buck owns like. Nothing. He fully lives like a college student. Bro please get an apartment, Eddie makes enough to raise and shelter a whole child. You must make enough for a one bedroom apartment.

- EDIT CAUSE I FORGOT WE DIDNT GET ANY GOOD ANSWER TO THE GHOST CALL SO I GUESS GHOST CALL IS JUST CANON NOW

[jahennam]

the LIs play overwatch

ifritah: on her third account -- the other two are suspended, decent player but stuck in plat chat hell, dps main specifically pharah,

zsan: heal slut, diamond/masters mercy and zenyatta player, cries at every dev update bc they won’t leave the healers alone

anka: arcade is great except for deathmatch, plays whichever hero has her new favorite skin, will only play comp if someone joins her -- silver/gold

noor: tanks are great, started in gold is now in grandmasters, main tank player but can flex to healer -- she likes lucio

alibaba: that one sniper who bm’s after ever kill, he’s a good shot but shows off too much, also in plat hell but he doesn’t care

vali: the strongest flex player there is, likes the non traditional heroes like symmetra or doomfist, comp is too mean so he gets his competitive kick from deathmatch

bonus -- marzban: toxic torbjorn one trick who made it to top 500 so thankfully the rabies will kill him off soon