#THIS ISNT AN INSULT ITS JUST FUNNY THAT IT KEEPS HAPPENING

[spitblaze]

you guys GOTTA stop making incredible fandom art that captures my attention so well with its themes and color and composition and implications it makes me go 'woah, that's cool, I wonder what show/book/game this is for?' and then I go to check the source tags and it's for a minecraft youtuber

[suffarustuffaru]

i need to share my very horrible idea to combine the reinhard/julius/otto/subaru boy drama into one julius-centric fic

ok so a little while ago ive made all kinds of ottojuli and reinjuli posts and while i havent finished all my major julisuba posts Yet i am quite fond of julisuba also and i think itd be incredibly funny if you just dumped all of these ships into one story. just go ALL IN on that boy drama!!!! go big or go home amirite!!!! the worlds WORST love trapezoid youve ever seen!!!!

this post is just me rambling fic ideas bc i sadly dont have time for Every Fic Idea and also i just. i just think itd be funny putting multiple ships with the same person in them into one fic. on a serious level its like mimicking real life relationships where sometimes people come and go and you have different dynamics with each person!! on another level i just think this is also very funny so!! here we go. under the cut:

anyway so my idea for this is that you know, julius of course meets reinhard when hes ten and reinhard is eight and then it alters julius's brain chemistry. at first he's in complete awe of reinhard. and then over time the shame starts setting in. that julius isnt as strong as reinhard. and the jealousy sets in a bit too, so julius's got this chip in his shoulder trying to carry his family's legacy and trying to carry the weight of knighthood to be as perfect as possible. to be as close to reinhard as he can. they meet again in their teens and julius shows reinhard the ropes of like basic knight stuff bc reinhard just joined the knights. and of course reinjuli become friends but julius has spent his whole life quietly watching reinhard from afar and now julius still has that distance with reinhard even as theyre supposedly friends now. reinhard is a God, you know? his powers and his leash from the kingdom and his family keep him distant and the two of them are ignoring that. classic homoerotic "do i want him or want to be him" friendship where both of you are too scared to get any closer for various reasons with a Twist (reinhard's very real monster complex that keeps getting validated bc Everyone Around Him thinks hes a monster).

anyway but then julius remembers that you know, shit between reinhard and him wont work out for many reasons, like reinhards family deciding to torment julius at various points in his life (heinkel, whos julius's boss, and reid, who went from julius's childhood idol to. you know.), and also reinhard needs to have kids because hes the sword saint, and also homophobia exists in rezero. and also even if those werent all obstacles julius still has his Complexes connected to reinhard and they got that distance between them so. no go. (repression gets in the way of relationships :((( )

also quick side note is that ex 4 happens and julius reinhard ferris go to vollachia and julius interrupts a meeting with vincent vollachia himself to go "I UNDERSTOOD THAT LITERARY REFERENCE YOU JUST MADE. THATS A REALLY GOOD REFERENCE I LIKED IT A LOT" bc hes a massive nerd and ig this is slightly-more-of-a-disaster-gay julius au so julius is like ............................. vincent was kinda cool for that.

AND THEN SUBARU CRASHES INTO JULIUS'S LIFE and julius is like seeing this guy who's also got a chip in his shoulder and then he insults the knights and says the knights are all depending on their dads (nepotism) and julius is like .......the chip in my shoulder was bad enough and also youre kinda like me fr. and you are clearly a fucking misguided kid so now i have to save your ass. i cant NOT save your ass. and reinhards like "julius and subaru nooo you dont have to do this :((((" and julius cant admit atm that hes also doing this to save subarus life so julius is just like "he disrespected the knights >:(((("

but yes we all know what happened there. julius saves subarus life. julius has to slice subarus throat in that one failed loop. they become friends across several timelines. they also homoerotically share souls, you know, typical bromance things, rivals to lovers except subarus the one going YOURE MY RIVAL and julius is like he is SUCH an upstart. hes really grown on me like a fungus but thats the appeal. and julius i think sees subaru as like a kindred spirit (or at least thats how i interpret julisuba) except subaru is like way more freer than julius is. same desire to prove yourself but subarus not restraining himself constantly like julius. its sometimes to the point of recklessness and general stupidity and what have you, but his boldness and bravery and determination and heart really is admirable.........................

yeah so anyway julius falls for ANOTHER guy again, you know how it is sometimes. the heart wants what it wants and julius is cursed to always have the worst meetings with his closest friends. and of course julius gets heartbroken bc wtf i have to kill my new friend :((( noo!!!! but in the finished loop its like. oh subaru...... hes really improved himself. hes grown so much already. hes kind of. inspirational really. idk how he does it. except subarus you know got that Mystery to him the same way reinhard does (theyre traumatized and Cant Take About It Normally so they just randomly lore drop what they can) and also subarus SUPER into emilia. and julius is like .................... well. subarus taken. haha. and reinhards. taken. fuck me. fuck. and like somethings going on with subaru and rem and emilia right. fuck. and subarus got his whole toxic masculinity / gender crisis..... and he doesnt know hes Bisexual yet...... man. what a loss for julius amirite haha.

and also subarus busy after arc 3........... and julius has no idea whats happening there but that seems Real serious :(( and julius's got other things to attend to so he hopes subaru reaches out to him eventually..... or that they cross paths again since subarus in the emilia camp and julius is in ana camp (and of course reinhard is in felt camp and like that was a whole debacle bc wtf. reinhard, u do know thatd be a big deal to our mutual friend felix?). so. julius pines from afar ONCE AGAIN HAHA.

(also of course subarus still attracted to reinhard here. its um. well julisuba can bond now over pining over reinhard but thats for later also!!)

anyway of course during arc 3 julius briefly runs into some gray haired merchant twink thats being dragged around by subaru bc ana camp rescued this guy from a cave somewhere??? and this new guy and subaru made a deal or whatever so he was just helping out in the background of the fight against sloth??

and whaddya know................ julius goes to drink at a bar bc you know he probably tastes wine for fun in his free time (hes definitely Fond of wine anyway iirc) and now hes Sad over the Ones That Got Away so. bar it is. and gray haired merchant twink is there!! no way. they start talking a bit casually while drinking you know and julius's taste is Unfortunately either the graceful ones (anastasia, because julius has great taste in women) or the cringe fail ones (all the twinks - except for felix - that julius keeps having the wildest first meetings with, because julius has slightly shit taste in men) so julius is like huh this otto guys kinda funny lol. endearing in a weird way!! and -

oops they both end up being a little. they make a little bit of a move on each other. bc they were drinking and got a Bit tipsy. ottos Also not over the one that got away (subaru) (again) and hey. the finest knight truly is. Fine. objectively fine. totally. so you know. things get a little out of hand, maybe they do a bit of cringe fail flirting hidden underneath five million layers of repression and the Horrors of Being Known but ultimately they both embarrass themselves somehow (read: how far they went with each other while under the influence is up to you) and agree to Never Speak of This Again bc oopsies they were both technically each other's first time being Straightforwardly Not Straight with another man. oops. anyway julius has to go back to his camp and otto fucking bolts but he bolts right into subaru and gets his ass dragged into sanctuary drama.

julius is totally not a little bit envious about that.................... about otto getting to accompany subaru to sanctuary... but dont worry julius!! youll get to make up for it later!! bc eventually arc 5 stuff happens. and julius is Glad to see reinhard and subaru again. even with all the Baggage. and subaru is of course Weird about julius but eventually subaru reassures julius after they both confide in each other about the astrea drama (theyre honorary astreas via being dragged into the astrea family mess). and subarus reassuring to julius in a whole new way okay. subaru, whos unrestrained and incapable of being on the down low about anything, and julius, whos always holding himself back with a gazillion layers of repression, starts learning to let go a bit...

but also juliotto meet again. its terribly awkward and they both agreed to never speak of their awkward encounters again. subaru is going ??? and reinhard is clueless. otto then also goes to save reinhard and felt from heinkel trying to take felt hostage, which was also terribly awkward but reinhard and felt are grateful about it (but lbr if reinhard and otto knew each other deeper reinhard would maybe be a little. Apprehensive. around otto while otto would be sympathetic with reinhard bc hes like male emilia). but then while otto manages not to get erased by gluttony....... julius gets erased. of course. which you know results in being forgotten by reinhard in julius's THIRD first meeting ever with reinhard. and subarus the only one who remembers him of course.

then arc 6 happens :,))))) and julius of course has to confront his ideas of knighthood, his identity, his self esteem, and who he is outside of His Name. and also julius gets his ass beat by reid. his childhood idol. who reinhard KNEW was a shitty person but never ever told julius (whether this is because reinhard wanted to spare julius's hero worship or because reinhard never got the chance to tell julius is hard to say lajdsf). but julius does get to triumphantly win in the end!! grow as a person!!! learn to undo a bit of that repression and not hold himself to impossible standards all the time!! hes growing still!!! hes finally solidified his friendships with people like subaru and emilia!! hes remaking his relationship with anastasia!! hes asserted himself, hes planning on going to meet reinhard again one day and duel him!! things are looking up even if its still bittersweet that he doesnt have his name back yet!! does this mean?? perhaps?? a HAPPY ENDING?? julius can have the two men (reinhard and subaru) he admires the most in his life?????? as friends???? or as boyfriends?????? slowburn mutual pining????????????????????????????????????????

and then comes. arc 8 otto. that piece of shit.

julius is very much someone who has to grapple with the weight of the expectations that people throw at him. and also reinhard is someone who May envy julius a bit, but there's also you know, joshua and subaru with the Explicit Envy and (past) resentment because theyre placing heavy expectations on julius!! theyre pointing blame at julius!! julius is trying to find himself outside of stuff like that, especially after arc 6, but he's still got stuff to work on you know? he still has duties to fulfill!! loyalty that he has to act on bc hes gotta help subaru and co in arc 8!! and then in comes otto.

otto is also someone with expectation placed on him, but its Different. ottos mostly a nobody and when hes Not a nobody, his reputation tends to be Derogatory. hes a menace. hes a bad luck charm. hes grappling with the fact that he has to keep being left behind - post-arc 5 bc he was injured, but also repeatedly during arcs 7 and 8 because hes too physically weak to be on the same playing field as emilia or garfiel or subaru on the battlefield. he feels Useless after placing his identity on the expectation that hes Dependable and Useful.

julius is a bit more on even ground with otto now that julius is. also mostly a nobody bc his name is still gone. and also julius had to deal with having that part of his identity crushed. julius tried to be useful over and over in arc 6 only to get his ass repeatedly curb stomped by reid in the beginning. he was a nobody. he wasnt dependable anymore. and also otto is that one guy he had a Passing Fling with over having The Ones Who Got Away and julius was still vaguely hopeful about maybe being pals at least but ottos brushed him off a bit since arc 5. theyre like each others secrets you know? and now otto doesnt know that shit - julius is the only one who Knows - and otto also hates julius's fucking guts now. over SUBARU. and julius has been through this whole rodeo clown circus with arc 3 subaru so this is an absolutely terrible ride through memory lane.

and this is julius's THIRD twink that hates him for terribly unfair reasons. julius is very tired and a bit heartbroken in this au trying to pretend it doesnt bother him. on one level it doesnt. bc ottos pathetic and clearly Overcompensating for Something. on another level it kinda does bc julius had a Thing going with otto. and otto is the complete opposite of julius. like hes different from the other guys julius has liked.

julisuba is about complimentary opposites - they appear Extremely Different at first glance but theyre very similar. theyre people who try to look and act bigger than they are, people who keep reaching to be The Best, to be Perfect, because theyre overcompensating. theyre worried their entire identity is only built off of trying to be bigger than the shadow that other people in their lives (like their families) cast. but they cant reach perfection. and julius is like subaru but if subaru tried to really make himself "refined" - if he tried to stop putting his heart on his sleeve all the time. reinsuba are very similar too. theyre very refined knights who try to keep themselves in check at all times while the weight of the world is on their shoulders. they cant have a hair out of place. except julius is like the "smaller" version of reinhard. julius is less powerful. its like comparing a human and a "god" - reinhard, whos untouchable. but its a double edged sword, because julius gets to be a normal person, because half the expectation placed on him is also purely from himself, while reinhard isnt. reinhard isnt Free. hes on a leash by the kingdom and his family. julius even gets his kind of "celebrity" status stolen from him via the loss of his name. hes truly kind of Normal now - julius is like if reinhard didnt have his crazy abilities and had a little more of a chance to be free.

otto? yeah otto is. very very far from all of that. hes so obviously imperfect that most of his reputation, when its brought up, is just him being known as a mess who's caused various forms of chaos everywhere he goes. either that or hes just. There. Invisible. very very average. and otto is someone who wants a nice comfortable life, someone who wants to fit in - julius and subaru arent Exactly like that, and while reinhard also wants to be normal, ottos the one who has more of an opportunity. but he doesnt. because otto Dooms Himself by being recklessly cutthroat. otto is like if subaru was just. More of an asshole, so ottojuli would just be a rather Extreme Challenge for julius to have to deal with HAH. and normally otto is someone who repays how people treat him - a very "you treat me like this, i'll treat you the same way in turn" kind of deal, except ottos developed a vendetta against julius and its basically like if subaru never let go of his arc 3 julius vendetta.

yes so anyway. etc etc stuff probably happens but i ran out of ideas lajdlfjasdf i just think combining ALL the boy drama and recontextualizing + adding to canon would be. batshit crazy. and terribly entertaining. im so sorry julius but i want to see you crack a bit under the pressure. reinjuli as a ship is like tragic gay yearning that never goes anywhere past being friends with quiet homoerotic tension, then julisuba is. you know. extreme rivals to lovers, starts out Rough but then ends up being super super sweet and theyre Trying their best underneath the self esteem issues. and then ottojuli is. toxic yaoi at its finest (pun intended). you get Every flavor of mlm possible!!

ok so you may be asking "ok what would you even name this fic then" and to that i say that this would be called To All the Boys I've Loved Before.

anyway i really wanna write this idea someday ill inform you guys (if youre reading this and are Interested) if it ever happens :< so. in conclusion this is just julius the entire time throughout all of these events:

[pinkniz]

Thinking about yandere Leon and Freddy so here goes my ideas because I refuse to write stories myself but I want to get it out of my mind

Leon

He's anxiety inducing to say the least, its like being stalked by a lion(haha funny but fr hes like that)

He stalks you for a long time before even approaching you

Eventually he starts getting closer by appearing in places you frequent, you will start noticing this strange man with red hair that seems to be everywhere you go. Whether its the grocery store, your favorite cafe, your workplace, he's everywhere but never directs a word to you

You will notice things you like or showed interested in start appearing in your house. He observes you so much he notices what you like and sometimes he breaks inside your house to leave you little gifts

At this point you're probably terrified but dont worry it will get worse because he's no longer satisfied with just observing you and what pushes him to actually pursue you its jealosy

He sees others approaching you, way too close for his liking and thats when he decides to take you away. He says to himself he's only trying to keep you safe but in reality? He wants to be the only one allowed to have you

He's cold most of the time, but if you could only know what he has done for you, the amount of blood he has spilled just for you

He starts sharing with you, sharing himself, his interests. He thrives on those moments when you two have something in common or (out of fear) you stay close to him and listen to music together

Dont worry, he'll often come clean up the room he keeps you in, feed you and bring you gifts. Hopefully (for him) you'll warm up to him and you'll finally allow him your touch which he desperately craves. Just be good and he'll be good to you because as much as he cares for you, he will NOT TOLERATE any misbehaving from you

Leon usually only punishes you by taking away the nice things he gives you and becoming colder towards you, if you try to run away too many times he will chain you up to limit your movement but when he's mad at you he starts insulting you. How can you be such an ungrateful brat? Are you really that stupid to not see how much he does for you? No wonder he's the only one that could tolerate your existence

He isnt violent per se but he can be forceful. He grabs your wrists to move you around the room he keeps you in with enough strenght to leave bruises just to make sure you cant break away from his grasp. If he has you tied up its likely that he'll drag you around

He isnt affected at all by your tears and pleas, he's genuinely convinced he's doing the right thing, that you can't be by yourself and that you need him, you just haven't realized yet. This is necessary to keep you safe. Stop crying already, you just have to sit down and he'll do all the work

Freddy

Oh boy

You're in for a treat, you see, Freddy is a classic meathead who can hardly stay focused in anything except the things he likes, and he happens to like you a LOT

In contrast to Leon slow and discrete approach, Freddy goes all in from the start. He flirts, he shows off to you, he will buy you anything you want but the problem is that in this pursue, he will start putting you in danger just so he can "save" you and show you how strong he is and how only he can protect you

It ranges from ordering his lackeys to attack you or straight up releasing miramon near your house so he can beat them in front of you

He slowly convinces you that you're only safe with HIM. And as you get more and more attached the worse he gets because he sees it as the "seal of the deal". Now you're mates.

He's extremely jealous of anyone who approaches you, he starts marking you with bitemarks and scratches you with his claws so others know you're taken by him and if they dont go away he doesn't mind crushing them, in fact he loves dismembering others just for you, isnt he sweet?

He never stops spoiling you tho, in fact, he has bringed you to his place, he lets you do whatever you want there and you have plenty of luxuries provided from him. He doesn't really mind because he sees YOU as his home so as long as you're with him he's content

Despite his possesiveness over you he actually likes parading you, he sees you as the prettiest creature on Earth and he loves bragging about you and how you're "all his", you can dress however you want and he allows you to go outside but he will GROWL at anyone who comes too close for his liking.

He's very violent and mean towards everyone except you, it's like as if a switch gets flipped in his head whenever it comes to you. He can do a little disembowling, a bit of bone breaking here and there, but he strongly refuses to harm you outside of marking you with his teeth and claws and your existence is such a delight to him and every time you praise him you're only fueling his obsession over you

If you put defiance he will find it amusing, go on, bite him, punch him, kick him, you are such a feisty little thing aren't you? He laughs at your useless attempts and can only find them cute but if you cross his limits he will break everything around you, furniture flying across the room, claw slashes across the walls and despite not wanting to hurt you, he actually loves seeing you cry

[fictionfixations]

twst spoilers (im looking through this through the lens of twisted wonderland)

I have a bunch of movie DVDs so I’m watching them.

watched part of the little mermaid (i ended up stopping cause the rest of the audio after the deal was just gone and there were more and more frame freezes and cuts)

and then aladdin

Anyway since I’m on a twisted wonderland fixation I wanted to watch the movies I had. So I’m going through little mermaid. I don’t think I have the second

..there’s one at 80 mins. It says disc 1. The other is titled ‘Ariel’s beginning’ idk the difference??? apparently ariel's beginning is the third movie, and a prequel. i didnt get around to watching it cause at this point im tired)

Guppy is an insult (i swear ive heard floyd call someone a guppy but im not sure where)

THE TWEELS EYESSS (and the white glowed yellow???? Or is that an artistic choice??? i have no idea what they did because i couldnt hear them and i didnt figure out how to turn on subtitles or rewind )

I love the yellow fish so much (hes just explaining it while lacking so many details you cant really follow)

Triton a shit father???? No I hate the crab (hes. kind of a bad influence.)

Ariel can. Be out of water with her tail? And speak? And

breathe???????? huh!?

SHES ON SAND AND ISNT DRYING OUT??? (so her only problem with it is that shes not human. and thinks he'll only get with her if she's human. it feels kind of dumb but i guess it kind of isnt if they have this huge thing against merpeople but they dont even know they exist? although there could be negative consequences ofc if they did find out but i really dont think ariel's aware of that. or if she is, then whyd she go so close if she knows they could be a danger??? ???

..i mean. its better than signing away your best magic for TEST answers. and then working for the lounge for the rest of your years at school??? with probably no pay. like. seriously?? people just accept things?? i mean i know nrc wouldnt accept kindness. but. ..apparently accept azuls deals without reading...)

'Beautiful girl singing.' (or it was beautiful singing voice) (What if she was a siren???? like cmonn) I couldn’t hear what happened to Ursula that left her away from the others ngl

...Tritons really the kind of dad to destroy Ariel’s stuff when she reveals she’s in love with a human. Okay yeah I don’t take back my thought of him being a bad dad

Well it’s human stuff but srsly???

THE FAN TURNED ON (curse non-soundproof walls) DURING MEETING URSULA ('poor unfortunate soulsss') IM CRYING NOOOOO (i didnt know how to turn on subtitles. i only figured it partway around watching aladdin :( )

I can’t hear the deal :(

Weird that Ariel still got married (and had like the foundation thing that helps merpeople get used to land??? i forgot what it was but it was because a princess in like the sunshine lands blah blah blah) Meanwhile Ursula is just. Admired fo being so kind. Do they not know??? then again they do admire jafar while he also still lost. ..i mean the stories twisted ig so we cant really know what happened. if it followed the movie or if something else happened. In twst* Sound disappeared. I think it’s the movie dvd cause there are weird cuts

im. gonna end it there because otherwise im not gonna understand a thing

aladdin go brr

The frame froze on jafar closing the parrots mouth 😭

I FOUND WHERE THE SUBTITLES ARE oh my god were the crackers a reference (in the game kalim kept shoving crackers in grims mouth and i was just so confused???) I just wanna give the tiger a hug (i dont remember what gender but so so cute when turned into smol bby)

I can’t really blame animal sidekicks that cause an issue in stuff (and kind of annoying) since I got attached to grim and I hated him for the longest time lol (anyway abu ended up helping out by stealing the lamp anyway when before there liekly wouldnt have been a chance. so. good on him)

Jafar just keeps calling him Abooboo throughout the movie. …i cant take it seriously its the funniest thing ever

Why is jasmine surprised (or at least look surprised) she could’ve just assumed jafar was mistaken since Aladdin said he went in disguise and stuff to hide why he was there????

Who the hell would believe jafar’s word? The sultan. But jasmine hates jafar!

Jafar only wanted to be with jasmine to get power??? So why does he want her now? I refuse to believe he’s in love ew

EWWWW THEY KISSED (well she did it to distract him while aladdin was making his way on the plan to stop jafar. but EWW it didnt even work because he saw aladdin's reflection in the crown!)

So gross HOW OLD IS HE!?

So glad jamil wasn’t like that but also it’s not a romance game thank fuck

'Still just second best’ OUCH thats rough hearing that insult

and its deserved. but also knowing jamils backstory makes it ow, although jamil never really. went as far. ....like. nobody actually dies. theres no attempt at killing someone excluding overblot actions and actions pre-blot BECAUSE its on the way about to overblot that what you normally wouldn't do you kind of do, and i really doubt you can be blamed for that when it kind of just. removes your morals, sort of? lowers your inhibitions. but like. makes what caused it so much more intense so then you break and boom overblot

something like that.

[the1975attheirverybest]

theres a video on twitter of matty staring at taylor and like zoning out and everyone seems to have taken that as confirmation that hes in love but isnt that just the concert experience? like having the moment of whoa shapes lights colours music i have no concept of being? unless im just in denial?

i didnt want to care and i just found it funny but the plot keeps thickening and i gotta know!!! i dont want to care but everyone else seems to and i dont want my band to get super big even though i have no right to say its my band when i havent even been here a year - 🐸

Hey! Guess what? It IS your band!!! doesn't matter how long you've been here. That's the cool thing about The 1975. It's not like other fandoms, it's mostly about whether or not you "get" what they're trying to do and whether or not the music moves you, makes you think, or makes you wanna dance. And if that's true for you, then you're entitled to it!

I know exactly what you mean, though. I feel like that's what happened with Harry Styles, lol. That's why I don't use my "primary blog" anymore. Though the One Direction fanbase is complicated (there's actually a book about it and about internet fandom culture that's really fascinating, for anyone interested, here it is). Like the bigger he got, especially with "As It Was," the more "outsiders" started to come in and the fandom kinda got weird. I don't think we're at risk of that with the 1975 though. Cuz the music they make is different.

Also, you are so right! That IS the experience of going to a show and seeing live music. Plus, Taylor has a phenomenal stage presence and what she's doing with this tour is breathtaking. Matty gets and loves live music so much. He always talks about being a kid and going to Reading and Leeds, or seeing shows at underground manchester spots etc. He knows what it takes to put on a show, too. Like he does it for a living, haha. So, to the people saying that him dancing to Shake It Off is him being " a supportive bf" or him looking in awe means that he's in love. Nah.....He ALWAYS says he chooses his favorite music based on whether it "makes me wanna dance, or it makes wanna cry, or it makes me think." Do you expect someone who believes in music THAT much, to stand stoically off to the side when he's at a live show of this scale? c'mon. He'd be insulted if people at HIS show didn't get the urge to dance. He's not gonna do that to other artists. Meaning, all these images we are seeing, unless we're told otherwise, are just Matty being Matty and being unafraid to express geeky excitement and people are simply gushing because that kind of thing is infectious. I get why we would mistake it for love or whatever. cuz we don't see it often. But thats why Matty's special.

anyways, this has been my lecture, lmao.

[wizisbored]

Can we hear some of your dragon au thoughts?

you most certainally can yes! was considering keeping this to myself so it could be a Reveal but its really not as big a thing as it sounds so anyway. in the dragon au, miss argentina is lydias biological mother. (side note before i continue - as dragons miss argentina and the jockey are just called Argentina and Jockey. one advantage of this au is that the dragons names dont need to make particular sense.) i do not have any particular reason for this, i just kinda went 'what if miss argentina was a dragon' -> 'what if they meet her at the stable and she could serve the meta purpose of demonstrating what an adult of lydias breed is like' -> 'theyre the same breed and come from the same stable maybe theyre related' -> 'yo what if-'

but anyway, as i said this isnt really as big a thing as it sounds? like, lydia will never see anyone in the same way she saw emily - who she considers her mother despite being a human - and she only finds out argentina is her bio mum when shes old enough that she would have left her already in the wild. im still figuring out exactly where they stand, but argentina does have a certain affection for her, and lydia doesnt reject it. but theyre more like friends who happen to be related. i think both of them are closer to jockey, who is lydias sister from (i think?) the same clutch.

this is why i said in the tags of a post, dont remember which one, that beetlejuice and miss argentina is just an objectively funny ship in this au. not saying this is a thing im going to do but god. the amount of stupid, immature, obvious jokes that could come from that. the sheer number of 'ur mum's. but regardless of the shipping status, i have decided that beetlejuice calls argentina 'showpony' as a sort of affectionate insult, since shes some dragon-y mix of a crufts dog and a dressage horse, which in beetlejuices view is pretty much the most rediculous thing you could be.

anyway. i realised in retrospect, as i often do, that certain things about this concept make sense and could add to the au. like, ive mentioned in the fic already that lydia has a pedigree, but now i know the details. or half of it, anyway. her father isnt really going to be brought up for more than one or two mentions, but i have the vague notion that hes some race winner. just going off argentina though, shes an award winning show dragon, and that probably made lydia even more expensive than she would be anyway just as a pure-bred animal. what im getting at here is that baby unhatched lydia cost thousands, and charles bought her as a gift for emily to keep as a pet. which i, at least, think is an interesting thing that could be explored.

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: S4E1: The Long Way Down Job

Allright, villain has a company that does the old "our victims cant afford to sue us, so we can break any law we want" school of law. Evidence on mountaineers phone.

Wait did Parker and Hardison end up together off-screen? I thought the pretzel thing was just a callback. (he's certainly acting like they bumped uglies...) but if it was meant to imply the naughties were gonna happen between the Train and Grand Theft Election... That was not clear to me.

Elliot's little "no avalanches on buildings" is both verry funny, and feels like he's genuinely trying to explain to Parker why they even asked. Like he noticed she seems a bit insulted at the question and just wanted to clarify.

Sophie's little joke about Grifter Christmas was nice.

Nate and Sophie have their little slept-together acknowledgement moment. Nate sees a female former associate, this is gonna be a jealousy thing isnt it? (i hate jealousy episodes. they rarely work well)

But yeah, it seems the writers realised they forgot to give Parker a big On Screen Moment in the last season finale, and have decided to rectify this by means of making the team steal a mountain...

again.

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OH its not a former associate, its the Client of the week... God am I really that bad at faces, and thank Heaven its not a jealousy episode. (i mean it might be with the way we saw Hardison look at Elliot and Parker leaving together, but its not a full jealousy episode. Only 1 of the 2 B-plots will be a Jealousy thing)

Love the way the Client imediately proves herself usefull to Sophie with the Personality-assessments. And the way the client goes from friendly to help Sophie to "OMG she's scary" the within about 5 seconds.

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I really like how the writers decided that Elliots not-a-backstory-backstory means he can natural 20 any check to identify an armed goon. See a bootprint? Spetznas, see their haircut? RAF. Guy can't hack a macbook or lift a pocketbook but he can identify a Navy SEAL by the "distinctive" way they wipe their buttocks or a Mossad agent from the way they chew their gum.

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Wait, Miyasha is normally at the Alps this time of year and he's got a hired goon climbing the mountain that doesnt work for our Villain Of The Week...

Im betting Miyasha also wants the pocketbook because, as a competitor, its in his best interest for his rival company to suffer the full weigth of the law.

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And im wrong, He's not here to climb, he's here because he's buying the company. But Sophie is gonna revalue the stock price before he even has a chance to sell. Spetzy does work for our VOTW.

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Ah he's not on the mountain... he's IN the mountain. And Nate passed out.

Nate and Client talk grief, title drop.

Parker and Elliot find the victim. Elliot takes the notebook, the only thing they really need to make the job. Parker decides they "we're getting him out too", Growth.

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Sophie is leveraging the Germans against the Japanese. Starting a small financial war all as a distraction

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Oh yeah... the victim has a name (Alan). Thanks for shaming me Parker don't I feel like a right asshole.

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Wait so Sophie got the Germans to buy, which got the Japanese to sell, which got the Germans to sell which is tailspinning his company? Sophie is literally crashing wallstreet as a distraction.

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Parker wants to do the right thing... She wants to be like the others. They compromise on listening to his private, dying message to his wife. Respecting his wishes.

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"Notebook is all we have". No it isnt, you have the phone. She's grifting the Spetznas, She's putting it on him right this sec.

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Congrats on Alan for being the most competent victim this show has had so far, getting the evidence. Keeping multiple copies (notebook, digital copy on phone for emailing, some spares at the home that his wife said got raided).

God this episode is an emotional roller-coaster. Like hell? This is the first episode of the season? This is not how most shows start a new season, most of the time its a simple "remember, this is the premise of the show because we might have new watchers whose friends told them to watch us 2 seasons ago but their schedule was full. But everybody knows schedules change with time and now we're making more and their schedules' been cleared so they have the time and they're giving us a shot". Not "swap out the lighthearted Robin-hooding for an episode that is legitimately making me tear up". Y'all didn't steal a mountain, you stole my tears. I did not give permission for a season-opener to Heist my Fucking Tears.

good job, never do it again

---

Ok, so yeah they definitly got together officially in-between scenes. Like the line about "whatever works for you is normal". Very cool line that has aged fantastically, (not a sarcasm. I think the line has aged very well with the increased acceptance of gender-binary-non-conformance/non-traditional relationships) Feels a bit weird that Parker's been really emotional with Elliot this episode, he leaves and the emotions resume with Hardison though. Like it feels like Elliot is getting shafted by the episode. He is as much an emotional support as Hardison is, give the man some credit.

Elliot gets to cook again though, which is nice. Sweet to see someone who isn't Parker ask about another crew-mate's MO for a change as well. ("never seen that opening before" is definitely "how did you do that" in Elliot-ese)

Place is bugged. ("operates like Hardison", im gonna say its Chaos Times 3? but as Nate says, "could be any of 50-odd billionaires we've ticked off") Episode Titledrop.

[muffysisthecarbs]

when i was younger I felt so useless. there always came a point in my friendships when that friend would abandon me. always every single friend. so obviously I was the problem. all these different friends over all the years no matter how much i changed, they all eventually realized that they didn't wanna talk to me anymore or they wanted someone else more. the first time it happened i was in 4th grade and it kept happening. I try so hard to be a good friend and i really keep thinking i am a good friend but eventaully the people im close to decide im annoying or im not cool enough. it mostly happened in my school years. its always my fauly. like. they all do it. all these different people so obviously im the problem. but i dont know what;s the problem. like dana if im texting you that i feel like shit today and my brain feels like mush and i wanna see you why arent you replying specfically to the message where i say i wanna see you. especially after yesteray i askedyou to hang out and you said yes after a birthdya party you were going to but then you never left the party and then told me you were drunk. why am i not important enough for you to say "okay im gonna get to the party at 12pm ill leave at 3:30 so so we can hang out at 4" why arent you answering my 2 messages that i wanna see you cause i feel like shit and i feel hollow. why arent i important enough to take care of. why isnt my love enough for poeple why dont people like my love? why isnt christian talking to me anymore? its been 2 weeks of silence. i ena i know why they arent talking to me becausse before their flight i made a joke about how i didnt want their plane to crash and the joke was that i did want it to crash "gee wiz i sure do hope your plane doesnt crash 🥺.....🤭" and then you ask me whats wrong with me? but when you told your boyfriend that i got hit by a car when i was 6 you couldnt stop laughing. you always laugh when you tell people i got hit by a car. and im okay with it cause it is funny in a morbibd way. you love making morbid jokes. why is my morbid joke enouhg to not talk to me for 2 weeks. silent treatment wowie. when I told Sam in 10th grade that she was "being flippant" as a joke because we had just learned "flippant" in vocabualry she texted erica that im so rude and now she "understand why [Erica] treats [me] so badly" because erica did treat me very badly. she would ignore me and yell at me and ditch me and insult me. and everyone knew it and sam knew it and she told erica that she gets it now. im worthy of being treated badly. im in so much pain and im so sad and im so alone. and YOU KNOW WHAT KILLS? this isnt new I keep being sad and alone. like persistnelty.

i keep getting emails and breaking my neck to check my pgone cause i think its someone texting me but its never a friend. i dont get love. but really i dont think i even want love. i want obsession i want someoen to love me more than i love them. i dont evne have the BALLS to kill myself and i want to so bad which is anothe fialure on my part. lol being suicidal is a faliure and failing at suicide is a failure jesus christ was a life of snwoballing failure. im not cry typing im just bad at typing and whats the point in fixing a typo lol? what even is this desire to publicize these thoughts? no one reading this could do anything to help. no one reading this knows me. by this far in this who is even reading this? i have a therapist. ive had two! im such a faker lmfaoooo. its 3:19 pm I skipped work yesterday and toyda which is amother failure on my part. im in pain. how can i work when im in pain how can i live when im in pain? so the answer is obviously to die. but its not.

in a sisyphus way its obviousl not the answer to die. but i still want to. why isn't suicide okay? why can i just decide as an adult that i dont wanna live anymore and then kill myself? should i show up at hte hospital and be like "hi i havent made an attempt on my life but im super suidical right now" that would be so embarassing. im so scaredddd of being aliveeeeee ahhhhh and its crazy cause im already alive.

im scared im sscared of snakes but thats okay cause i never have to interact with snakes. im scared of being alive but im constantly being alive. cronic anxiety slay? i have to pee. i spedn a lot of time wishing for something bad to happen to me. i pray for cancer a lot. a quick one. cancer to excuse me from the responsibilities of life and then i can kill myself and everyone will be able to justify my suicide more. why dont i matter? why do i have to prove my value? and why is my attempts to prove it never enough. i just wanna receive love!!!!!! from my friends. my friends dont love me. love doenst make peolpe treat others liek this. yadda yadda yadda shut up dumb bitch all this talking for what? nothings gonna change lmfao

[bloodyshadow1]

Watched season 5 of big mouth because the show's a guilty pleasure. It was funny and I liked most of it.

Surprisingly I liked how they did Nick's storyline even if I didn't like the storyline itself. I dreaded since the trailer his plot this season since our seemed like they were just going to do a crush storyline again with him pinning over her the whole season, with them maybe getting together in the end or future. But they didn't,they nipped it in the bud quickly, made it clear that it wasnt going to happen, and never rewards nick for his behavior. Jessi finally snaps and gives him a harsh public verbal beatdown of how they'll never be together because he again tries to ambush her with a grand gesture instead of accepting the rejection. Nick becomes a little dick filled with hate towards her and towards everyone, but the show surprisingly never takes his side.

He's constantly blaming jessi for what happened when it's clear it's not about him. She's not leading him on which missy (his current partner in hate) points out that nick ambushed her trying to get her to love him and while harsh she left him have it. He makes her "affair" with Ali blaming her for not telling him that she liked Ali instead of him. I didnt like watching his parts because he's a little asshole, but it's okay because the show makes sure the audience is aware we arent supposed to be on his side. I will say my complaint would be its almost like season 4 taken to an extreme, too the point if redundancy. I almost wish they left nick in a bad place in season 4 because it could have smoothly transitioned into his behavior in this season. They put him in a good place at the end of season 4 only to make him this way in 5, even the end feels them same with him meeting another version of himself and finding some comfort with him.

Andrew didn't do much this season, most of his obsessive and creepy behaviors only last the one so with the teacher. The rest of the time hes trying to be sensitive and comforting but mostly backfires, but does yield some good wholesome moments.

I really liked Missy's storyline. Like nick she becomes full of hate, but unlike him she has more valid reasons. Between jessi taking over her meeting, then blowing her off when she demanded an apology, then having her cool older cousins be mean to her, then having her parents refused to see the problem shes going through leads to a perfect storm where she becomes a malicious monster. The show does a good job of showing that while her anger is justified her behavior isnt. She is wrong for posting untrue insulting rumors about Ali and jessi, but the show makes it clear Jessi and her cousins were also wrong for how they treated her. She starts to get better when she gets genuine apologies and apologizes to ali. She realizes she doesn't like how being hateful makes her feel and it becomes a healing process.WE also got to see a more postive caring side of mona which was nice.  She is still a mess and a dumpster fire, but you can see how she does care about Missy, like the other monsters, and doing her best to try and help however she can

Jessi s arc was also great her and Ali were cute and her struggling with her crush and friendship with her and choosing to be a good friend for now. The show does a good job making sure to never endorse her behavior towards missy and samira as anything but shitty, and doesn't make it okay that it's because she's struggling with her new found bi/pan ness. Which the show also does a good job recognizing that, as she still has her crush on Judd, she isnt a lesbian just because she also likes girls. All in all jessi gets to be complicated, she gets to be the hero, the villain, the victim and more growing from it.

The other storylines are fine, Jay is a little freak as always, but he gets put through the timer this season. I think he's cute with Matthew, but I'm just neutral to it since I don't think they're going to last, even if the show keeps them together. Lola is similar, her life stuck and im sympathetic to the little monster, but her behavior is unacceptable and im glad she and Jay didnt get back together. I also liked nicks parents dont and diane got character development. They were always pretty good open parents, but they were advisability always to open. It's okay to be sex positive, but also worry about your kids having sex. It's also hard to be in a relationship with some one likr elliot whois so positive and nice, it becomes stressful because it makes it harder to talk about the difficult stuff as a romantic partner because he seems so calm and stress free.

Overall the season was good, I'm glad they toned down some of the gross humor that they seemed to double down on last season. It was pretty repetitive but good.

[moonlights-inkwell]

Demand an Encore

Jaskier x Reader

Word Count: 6,958

Summary: anon said: hello! i see your requests are open...! could i maybe get a Jaskier x reader where the reader very shyly explains (maybe after an embarrassing moment?) that they are into spanking? and Jaskier indulges them and it is fluffy/smutty? if not, that's okay!! i figured I'd ask. thank you! 💜

A/N: Anon. I literally owe you my life, because Dom! Jaskier now literally lives rent free in my head. A fic from Jaskier's perspective? It shocked me too. Oops. Also. Clapping joke title on a spanking fic? I think I’m way funnier than I am  

Warnings: Smut. Spanking. Oral (female receiving). Clothed sex? Sorta. Discussions of Sadomasochism. Canon complicit violence. A very bad take on Jaskier's perspective.

Title from Wild Blue Yonder

“Oh wank!”  

The expletive draws his eyes from his lute and upwards, to you.  

You’re busy, always busy, swinging that blade about and clashing it noisily into Geralt's. Parry, swipe, dodge, sword fighting is as boring a sport as Jaskier can even imagine, only marginally better than fencing because at least there’s some danger to sword fighting. Paint drying is a more interesting thing to watch, lectures less painful to listen to. Jaskier hates it. Sparring holds no interest to Jaskier, beyond when he tries to describe how sword fighting looks for a new song, but there are no new songs. The monsters have seemingly realised that Geralt is about, and have kept themselves to themselves, and so the well of songs about danger and adventure has dried up- like a brook during a heatwave. There’s no song about battles to be won, and if he plays Toss A Coin once more then he’s quite sure that Geralt will shove his lute up his arse sideways. All he wants is to work on a new melody and the clanging is quite possibly the worst thing he can imagine. The clanging, clanking, crashing of steel on steel is enough to drive him to distraction. All he needs is a new song, but no. He simply must be tormented by the sound of metal hitting metal. Needs must apparently, at least when it comes to sparring. 

He’s sure Geralt is doing this to spite him specifically. Revenge for years upon years of songs and mindless chatter and taunting, wrapped up with the knowledge that the bard would never complain about your training- that your safety is paramount to him, even if it is noisy as all hell and infuriatingly distracting.  

Cornflower blue eyes scan up and take you in, on hands and knees and holding your sword at such an angle to block Geralt’s swipe; face crumpled with effort and concentration while the Witcher above is as stoic looking as ever, bringing his blade down closer and closer until you slide to the ground and roll away from the sword. The buckles of your over-bust drags against the ground and knocks loose two of the buttons of your blouse, revealing an expanse of skin below the clavicle and to the dip in skin between breasts.

He wonders, not for the first time, how you manage to fight in a corset. When he was a lad, a little longer ago now than he’s quite happy to acknowledge, how a girl at a ball had collapsed because her corset was laced too tight and even after fetching a healer, the girl walked awkwardly until he left for Oxenfurt, probably long afterwards too. Yet, you can fight in one, swing that blade around with a relative ease that Jaskier can’t even manage if his trousers are tailored too high in the crotch. It’s strange. Watching you duck and twist, bend and thrust that blade around all while being held in place by tightly laced bones, it’s impressive- like watching someone dance. You aren’t a master swords-man but you’re skilled and it’s nice to watch. The exhilarated grin across your face, panting with heaving chest: it’s beauty. Pure, unadulterated beauty, even with a smear of dirt across your cheek, sweat beading about your forehead and a nick on your arm that’s letting out a small but steady stream of blood trickling down from your upper arm.

“Better.” Geralt says firmly, Jaskier watches as your face breaks into a grin and you just glow. A relaxed, genuine smile that makes you look younger than you are. You've mocked him before for how he just soaks up any validation, but even the slightest praise has your skin all but shining, cheeks flushed and mouth upturned. He understands entirely. Praise, acclaim, acknowledgement, it’s addictive; more so than any ale, any drug. Praise leaves you desperate for more, shaking and craving a next hit, almost insecurely hoping against hope that any second will bring that much needed praise. Bard's are like faeries, they require attention to survive while thriving on the energy people give, And Jaskier has been desperate for attention long before he became a bard.  

Praise from the Witcher is a seldom given gift- one that Jaskier doesn’t think he’s ever been given- but he praises you. Training is important, and Geralt seems to have realised that he’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so sparring is when he speaks most, even then it’s minimal though; but he compliments. Your form, your grip, the strength of blows. Praise from the Witcher is a seldom given thing.

Jaskier isn’t jealous.  

He isn’t.  

Jealousy implies that there’s something to be envied, like a possession that he wants. You aren’t a possession, he knows that, and even if you were, you wouldn’t be Geralt’s. His fingers fall from the frets of the lute, sending a sour note that makes him cringe out through the clearing.  

“Gods, Dandy- if that’s a sign of what your new song sounds like then I don’t think I want to hear it!” You call over to him, head tilted as the sword twirls between your fingers. “I thought you were supposed to be a good bard.”

“You wound me, Love. Wound me.”  

“No good bard would write Toss A Coin.” Geralt says, but there’s humour in his voice- well, humour enough for it to be noticeable against Geralt’s signature style of stoicism. Must be a good sort of day, for Geralt to be joking about and complimentary. These sorts of things don’t happen every day.  

“Leave him be, Bully!” You swat at Geralt's side, grinning at Jaskier. “Don't you worry, Dear Heart, I love you- even with this brute insulting you.” It’s as if you don’t even remember that you started the insults, but that smile is enough to keep him quiet. That must be a sign of love, that Jaskier could be quiet for you: he’s never been silent for anyone before, even when he had himself half-convinced that he was in love with every person he's spent more than a night with, he’s never been able to keep quiet for more than a few minutes or so, he’s felt an overwhelming need to fill the silence. It’s pleasant to just bask in atmosphere that comes from being about you.  

The swat at Geralt had not gone unnoticed, even if it took a moment or so for him to strike you. Geralt, facing Jaskier, lifted a hand to thump you on the back, too absorbed by the simple pleasure of retaliation to have perceived two very simple things with those enhanced Witcher senses: that the laces of your boots have come undone, and that you had bent down to tie it.  

Time slows sickeningly, as Jaskier realises what’s about to happen only a second before the SLAP comes through the air at a volume none of you anticipated. Not to the lower back, a spot that while painful is little more than inconvenient when hit, but instead to your arse- angled upwards as you bent to fiddle with the ribbons of your shoes. The white-haired man had wanted something vaguely friendly but still running with undercurrents of the same energy that comes from sparring, but instead he had brought one enormous hand down onto your arse with some force. Unexpected, and completely out of nowhere as it is, it somehow is not the most surprising part.  

The moan is.  

A loud, broken moan- somewhere between pain and pleasure- which Jaskier knows all too well. That sound haunts his dreams. Jaskier would know it blind, dumb and senseless. Your moan, normally reserved for during the nights when his fingers slide inside of you, when his tongue breeches you. It’s weak, beautiful, and oh so very unexpected. Its a noise more beautiful than music, more beautiful than the sound of children’s laughter- always his , finally heard by another. Geralt looks horrified, cat-like eyes wide and filled with something akin to fear, but nothing like the unadulterated horror written across your face; sun-coloured skin turning red with embarrassment, lips parted wide but slowly contorting into a grimace, eyes wide but watering.  

Jaskier forces himself up and towards you, while Geralt steps back, saying your name softly and apologetically,

“I am so sorry-"

“Little Miss-"  

“I'm going to the stream to wash!” You say loudly, side-stepping around Jaskier to make a beeline into the thicket of trees, where a stream was hidden. Without any thought, Jaskier groans and looks up at the Witcher, eyes narrowed into accusatory slits.  

“So much for those Witcher senses of yours.” It’s a ridiculous thing to be annoyed about. Geralt does not have any feelings for you beyond the platonic, and Jaskier knows that, knows full well that Geralt wouldn’t do something like that to you, least of all in front of your lover and a man far too willing to write humiliating songs about Geralt.  

“It was an accident.” All stoicism has returned to Geralt’s voice, despite the still apologetic look written across his features. “She’s going to hate me. She sounded so pained.”  

That almost made the Bard splutter with laughter. Moans like that are many things but not pained, at least not in a way that isn’t seen as pleasurable. Somehow, he manages to keep the laughter down and instead claps a hand to the taller man's shoulder.  

“I doubt she hates you. Missy is a resilient little thing.” He tries to sound comforting, but some humour seeps through, making Geralt turn and squint at him.  

“This isnt funny, Bard.”  

“I’m well aware.” Jaskier nods. “I'm going to check on her though. To make sure she hasn’t drowned herself.”  

“Don’t joke.”  

“I’m not.” He trills as he walks along the step-worn path to the trees.  

The stream is a pathetic little thing really, barely a foot in width and surrounded on all sides by the thickest section of trees which almost blocked out all light. It was easy to believe it was around dusk, but it couldn’t be much later than midday, the shade made it appear so much later than it was. And there was you, hunched over by the reeds and moss, scooping up water and splashing it in your face and onto the gash still trickling blood to try to clean it. Even in spite of the shadows, your flushed cheeks are still clear to him and he stops to take you in.  

He’s had many lovers. Too many to list really, but not one of them holds a candle to you. Every girl before you was perfectly primped and polished, in fine clothes with perfect hair and made up faces, and they were beautiful but artificially so. Made that way by clothes and corsets and cosmetics. You though, you’re something else. Beautiful with the sun in your eyes, unkempt hair and rumpled clothes. Indescribably perfect cast half in fire-light, with bags beneath your eyes and blood across your cheek. Sonnet worthy while drunk and stumbling, singing out of tune to his ever songs. Godly in the dark, mouth open and back arching towards him as you stumble headfirst into climax. He loves you. He loves you, and it’s the first time he thinks he has ever really loved anyone: more than infatuation, more than lust, but actual love. Love that makes his head muddled and heart sore. He doesn’t deserve you. Wants you, needs you, but will never deserve you. Reckless, wild and brilliant you, willing to leave a life behind to fight monsters. A fool. Beautiful little fool, selfless and-

“I can feel you staring at me.”

“Hard not to stare at a goddess. Careful, I hear some gods will drown pretty things like you out of jealousy.”  

“Fool.” You say softly, but there’s a chuckle in your voice so he comes closer to you, stepping behind you to twist your hair away from your throat to press a kiss to the crook of your neck.  

“Your fool.” He breathes out shallowly, letting his chin rest on your shoulder while his arms wind about your waist. “Are you alright, Dear Heart?”  

“Embarrassed, I suppose. My pride will recover though, Dandy.” The lightness of your words combined with your stiff posture makes sure Jaskier knows you’re lying.  

“Little Miss-"

“Geralt must be embarrassed as well. I should have apologised to him before-"

“You moaned.” He cuts you off, making you shut up, stiffening even more. “And you may try to deny it, but I know that noise. I might just be the only person who knows that noise.”

“Jaskier.” It sounds like a warning, but he doesn’t care.  

“If it’s because it was Geralt, I understand.” He says softly, feelings coming out unbidden. “I understand, of course, and I love you but I understand if I’m in the way.”  

“I liked it. Be... being hit. Not Geralt.” You whisper.  

It truly is a day of surprises. Jaskier can feel the grin slip onto his face and his hands move from your stomach to your hips to begin tickling.  

“Is that so?” He asks softly, revelling in your choked-out laughter and how you lean back against him. “My Little Miss wants to be spanked. Well, darling, you should have told me earlier.”  

“I didn’t know it was a thing!” You argue between laughs. Jaskier so often forgets that you were a virgin before he got his hands on you, so of course you hadn’t known. His tickling doesn’t stop as he pulls you backward, rolling you onto the ground and climbing on top of you to continue his assault.  

“Would you like a lesson in masochism, Dear Heart?” He teases, head tilting to the side as he looks down at you.  

“Maso-what?”  

“The pleasures of pain.” He explains, and watches how your face turns pink once more. “Oh, she does!”  

“Stop taunting me!” You argue, thrashing beneath him but not with any intensity.  

“Taunting? Never. I’m just trying to work out if I need to rent two rooms when we next go into town.” He too easily grabs at your arm when you reach up to swat at Jaskier. “For your lessons, I mean.”  

“You... weren't joking?” You ask lightly and he shakes his head.

“I never joke about teaching My Muse about what brings her pleasure.” He says lightly, climbing off of you to sit by your side. “If you want me to.”  

“You Wouldn’t mind?” You ask incredulously, drawing out a chuckle from the bard.  

“Darling-heart, don’t be a fool, of course I wouldn’t. You know how I like pleasing you, and having you know what pleases you pleases me. Besides, it’s hardly my first dalliance into sadomasochism; there was a countess I used to know who couldn’t achieve orgasm unless tied up, with wax melted on her and at least three people watching her-"  

“Jaskier.” You say softly, and he stops.  

“Sorry. What I mean is, liking someone slapping your perfect bottom isn’t something to be embarrassed by, darling. Alright?”  

“Alright. Thank you, Jaskier.”  

“No need to thank me, Dear Heart.”  

It takes weeks for Jaskier's plan to come to fruition. Weeks of traveling and camping in the woods until the three of you are able to find a town in need of a Witcher and his services. It’s a simple job, just a few drowners, but the pay is good and there is a very decent inn more than willing to accommodate all of you, and with two rooms none the less- which is far easier to negotiate while the two of you are off to do what you do. The inn-keep is a pleasant, portly man in his middle forties who seems to appreciate Jaskier's way with words, and is more than willing to forgo payment on the rooms in return for a show- and who is Jaskier to disagree with a deal such as that?  

His friendly demeanour is welcome too, means the Bard actually has someone to talk to while he awaits your return- but that plan dies a death when the job takes significantly longer than he expects. Normally, it only takes a few hours for something like this, but the sun is set and his songs just coming to an end when you finally return.  

The crowds, cider-drunk and rowdy had sang along to every song they knew, and sang over these they didn't- but that was fine. Drinking songs were always nice to hear, but their song dies when the door to the inn-cum-tavern opens and you pad in, followed closely by Geralt. Both drenched from tip to toe and scowling, hair stringy and clothes dark with saturation. That explains a fair bit and even with how upset you look, Jaskier grins, grip on the lute loosening and stage persona rolling off of him. Wet and angry as the two of you are, the sight of you is enough to make the crowd let out a loud, drunken cheer before beginning an enthusiastic if out of tune rendition of Toss a Coin. For once, the Bard is uninterested in joining in and instead opens his arms wide for you, it takes less than a minute for you to run to him and wind your arms around his middle while the people mill around Geralt to interrogate him about monsters and the like. Jaskier sighs and presses a kiss to your forehead.  

“You had me worried.”  

“Almost drowned. But I’m fine.” You say apologetically against his jerkin. “Tired though.”  

“I’ve booked our room. And I think my performance is over.” He says soothing, fingers carding through your wet hair. “Come on, Darling-heart.” He offers a hand, though it takes you a moment or so to reluctantly pull back from him you take it and follow him up to your rented room.  

The room is tiny, little more than a box room with just a bed and small table but it’s clean and that is more than enough for you. Before even a minute can pass, you release Jaskier's hand to flop down onto the bed, moaning when you sink down into the mattress.  

“Comfortable?” He asks playfully and you hum in agreement.  

“I got you wet.” You reply after a minute and Jaskier chuckles.  

“I don’t mind, now wait here. I’ve something to sort out for you.” The door clicks as he slips out of the room and you’re alone in the room, just you and the tingling sensation running through your body and making your brain feel as if a mist has descended over it, yet you don’t even realise it until the door opens once more and you lift your head up to look at the noise. It’s a girl, looking about fourteen or so, carrying two large buckets to the archway across from the bed which you had not even noticed, and in your drunken haze you consider why she would be taking buckets to another room through yours. Jaskier follows after her, buckets hanging from each hand and you notice how steam is billowing from the buckets until he disappears beyond the doorway. Confusion comforts your mouth into a frown, so instead of giving it much thought you let yourself sink back into the mattress, deciding it not worthy of a second thought. Water crashing against water echoes from the other room as your eyelids grow heavy and slip shut. Someone had told you once that the sound of water is enough to drive even an insomniac to sleep, you believe them in this moment, the sound of water is so relaxing to your dazed mind that you don’t question why you can hear it at all, so you simply shut your eyes and listen. You have no idea how long you lay there, listening and breathing, it could be seconds or millennia.

“Are you awake, Dear Heart?”  

“hmm?”  

“Come on, I ordered you a bath, you need it.” A bath. You smile and he grins at you. “Now, darling. Come along. You'll soak the sheets through.”  

“I'll soak you through.” You retort tiredly, rolling off of the bed and toeing off your boots before following him into the bath's room. He watches as you walk through and is upon you within seconds, unlacing your corset and unlacing your chemise before you can move your fingers to do it for yourself. “Julian, I know you find me attractive but stripping me?”

“I don’t want you dying of cold.” He chides playfully, kissing the exposed akin of your shoulder as he pulls off the blouse. “Forgive me for loving you.”  

“I love you.” You say softly and untie your trousers, pulling them and your underwear off in a single movement. He smiles at the sight and presses a hand to your lower back once you step out of the sopping fabric.  

“I know, muse. Now in.” He says encouraging you into the bath, turning to fiddle with a few vials of scented oils. “Rose, Lavender or honeysuckle?”  

“Lavender. It smells like you.” You say softly and sink into the water, letting out a loud moan when the heat overtakes you. He turns back to you with a smile and pours a little of the oil into the water.  

“Oh, you like the smell of me?” He teases and moves around towards you.  

“Of course, I do.”  

He smiles at that and sinks down to his knees behind the tub at your back and picks up a rag, soaking it in the water and then moving it up to rub at your shoulders and the knobbles of your spine. The sweet floral smell is carried on the steam coming from the water, sweet and familiar and made all the better by the contented noises that come from you. He likes you like this, all pliant and sleepy and willing to let him help without complaint, it makes him feel useful in ways he never can on hunts. You shoulder so much, act so brave and mature and it’s so nice to see you just let him take control and look after you. He hums a little tune as he washes your back and feels your back move as you chuckle.  

“Tickles.” You say, giggly and more awake than before. “What song is that?”  

“It’s something my mother used to sing.” He says gently, scooping up some water with his hands and pouring it over your head before working out some of the tangles in your hair. “I don’t think it has a name.”  

“It’s pretty.” You hum, head tilting into his hands like a kitten. “Why aren’t you in here with me?”  

“I got the bath to warm you up, Silly Little Miss. I’m warm.” He says with a sigh and pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck.  

“I want to touch you." You whine, twisting around to face him.  

“There's time for that later, Dear Heart. “ He shakes his head affectionately and kisses the tip of your nose. “I have plans for you tonight.”  

“Oh?” You ask, leaning up on your knees and allowing your breasts to lean against the lip of the tub. It’s a trick, trying to lure him in, and he knows it, but gods above it’s tempting. Far too much willpower is exerted to not reach out and take them into his hands. A siren, sent to toy with his heart and mind. He sighs and leans in to kiss you gently.  

“You remember a few weeks ago? When Geralt slap-"  

“Yes!” You interrupt quickly and he rolls his eyes, reaching up to smooth your hair down.  

“And you said you liked the feeling?”  

“I remember, Jaskier.”  

He smiles and rubs his thumb across your cupid’s bow.  

“Well. We have the room to ourselves, so I thought that we could experiment with that."

You blink at him owlishly before squinting at him. It would almost be enough to worry him, but he knows you too well to think you’re angry- you’re confused, but still very relaxed.  

“Experiment.”  

“Yes.”

“With you... hitting me.”  

“With you letting me dominate you, spank you, and make you feel good.” He clarifies. It sounds foolish, and far too perverse when laid out so candidly to someone not well versed with this. You nod sagely.

“...And if I ask you to stop them you will.”  

“Of course I will.” He says seriously and rests his hands on your shoulders, leaning in so you are eye to eye. “This is for your enjoyment, if you say stop, this stops. Just like always.” You smile and close the gap between his lips and your own. It’s soft and lazy, with no indication of proceeding any further than just chastely kissing, his hands still on your shoulders and your hands creeping up into his hair. It’s perfect, always is, and not for the first time, Jaskier considers that he could spend the rest of forever just kissing you and never be bored. Still, all too soon he pulls away, fetching a towel while you heave yourself out of the tub waiting for the bard and the towel. Even though you reach for it, Jaskier ignores your outstretched arms and instead swaddles you in it himself, drying you.  

“I can do it myself!”

“You can, but you won't.” He says firmly, rubbing your skin. Beneath the soft fabric, he can feel you start to struggle which makes him hum and swat at your arse. It’s not enough to hurt, especially through the towel, but it serves as a good warning for who is in charge tonight. Dominance is nothing new for him, but he isn’t dominant with you. You were a virgin when he met you, all sex had to be approached with kid-gloved hands, even now that you are confident with it Jaskier has never felt any need to try and guide you towards that sort of thing. Submission, he had assumed, would be a difficult thing for you; you spend so much time fighting and fending for yourself during fights, asking you to hand over control never seemed to be a good idea. Control keeps you safe but you trust him. Trust him enough to give him control. It’s enough to rush to his head, that level of trust. Of course, it’s flattering when anyone allows him control, but it means so much more when someone who loves him, someone who is so dangerous would allow themselves to be vulnerable. He loves you, has since the second he clapped eyes on you, but this is more than love now, this is adoration. “Now, be a good girl and don’t argue.” Seldom does Jaskier have a need to be stern, so you doing as he says is to be expected. You go limp, eyes wide as he towels you dry. “There’s my good Little Miss.” He says once he finishes, folding the cloth while you stand stock still, pupils blown wide.  

“Good.” You repeat back to him, starry-eyed and blushing, so he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth before nodding.  

“Well, you are my Good Little Miss, aren’t you?” He asks gently, watching the enthusiastic nod he gets in response with a smile. “I know.” He says with an air of finality, turning away from you and heading back into the bedchambers to sit on the bed. It takes a few seconds of silent sitting for you to finally walk to the doorway. You’re naked as the day you were born, wet hair hanging in snakelike tendrils around your face, skin glowing gold from the warm light of the fire reflecting off of the still damp flesh. You’re beautiful. Too beautiful, comfortable in your skin and his looking at you, pale criss-crossing of scars running across the planes of your body like gold holding formerly broken ceramics together. How Jaskier has ever gotten a chance to lay his hands on you is beyond him, why a bard such as himself can even look at you, never mind touch or kiss you. A goddess, battle-hardened and wise, intoxicating and intense but oh so soft and kind.

“You’re staring.” You laugh, leaning against the door frame and smiling at him.  

“Yes. Yes I am.” Jaskier says simply and beckons you closer, which you do with a slight swing of your hips that he is entirely sure isn’t purposeful. You settle beside him, looking at him with a look somewhere between reverence and fear- like he's simultaneously the most beautiful and awful thing you’ve ever seen. He hates how much he likes it, the power it feels like he possesses in this moment. You look so small and defenceless, and he is too aware of how large he is by comparison. Usually, Jaskier feels slight- especially in comparison to Geralt and his hulking mass of muscle and manliness- but he’s suddenly far more aware of how big his hands are compared to your own, how he almost dwarfs you in height. You aren’t dainty, and he knows how much damage you can do with little to no effort, but you look so now.  

You lean in to him slowly and tilt your head, taking him in before smiling with a raised eyebrow. Well? Your face seems to scream. I'm waiting. It’s all the encouragement he needs to put his hand between your shoulder blades and push your torso over his lap unceremoniously. Every jutting bone, every knobble of spine, outline of rib exposed when you let out a noise of mild confusion, but rest there with your stomach over his thighs. His fingertips, calloused from lute strings but still soft from the warm water, trail down your back slowly; his skin is colder than yours, leaving goose pimples in his wake as he moves towards the rounded flesh of your arse.  

Pink and pert, the flesh juts out from the dip at the base of your spine, like a peach. Jaskier loves it. Loves all arses really. There is something so strangely enticing about them, likely the fact they’re so often covered that seeing them seems taboo in a way that seeing tits isn’t. Every inch of your skin that he gets to see is a luxury not afforded to others, and while his hands finally reach the plump skin, he had been moving towards he kisses your back, gripping one cheek firmly while rubbing soft circles into the other. A moan, airy and musical comes from you spurring Jaskier in his ministrations: shifting the cheek to the side, revealing a hole he had never paid much mind to at all, only to release his hold and watch as it bounces back into place. The jiggle is hypnotic, he thinks to himself wordlessly as he repeats the act on the opposite cheek, earning another moan from you in response.  

“Jask.” You whine out and he hums in confirmation, feeling you push yourself back against his hand. “Don't tease.” He chuckles. Teasing is hardly what he'd call it. No, this is isn’t teasing, teasing is something gentler than this. This is preparation. He can hardly just start spanking you, especially when you've never done it before, but the whining makes him smirk. “Jask, if you don’t hurry, I’ll go to bed.” You insist and try to push yourself off of him, so he presses down on the middle of your back and brings his hand down on your arse harshly.  

The sharp sound of skin-on-skin rings through the air, followed by a gasp. A tingle ran across his palm, and he snicks at the sensation.  

“I thought you were my good girl, not a brat, Missy.” He says, voice low and on the verge of a growl. “I told you, I am in control tonight. Not you.”  

Brat. You shiver at that, going still, and he smirks, grabbing the cheek he had just struck before tugging at it. He releases it before sliding his hand up your thigh.  

“I. I can be good.” You whisper meekly. That isn’t enough though and he swats at the cheek once more, lighter this time.  

“You will be good.” He corrects you, leaning in close to your ear and catching sight of your red cheeks and misty eyes. “I know you will be, won’t you Darling?” You nod quickly and he smirks. “That's my Princess.”  

At that, your posture loosens and you relax against him. Praise. That’s good to know. Lazily, he rubs a circle against the curve of skin before striking it once more.  

“I'm going to hit you ten times, and I want you to count them out loud for me. Can you do that for me?” He asks gently and you nod instantly. “I need you to use your words, Darling.”  

“I. I can do that.” You say, tilting your head to look at him with a sweet smile. Jaskier smiles back at you, then brings his hand back down with a hard slap.  

“One!” You say loudly, jolting forward and dragging your stomach across his crotch. He’s been so invested in planning and preparing that he hasn’t even noticed the hardness developing between his legs until it’s rubbed against. The moans from the bath had been enough to make him half hard, but seeing you like this, lips parted and the skin of your bottom turning an inviting shade of pink, it’s enough to have him fully hard.  

“Two!” You shout out after his hand lands hard against your rear before two more swats come in quick succession.  

“Three! Four!” The numbers are more moans than words, loud and needy. In the back of his mind, Jaskier wonders if the drunks downstairs are still singing and making noise, shouting and swearing, or if they too can hear the moans of pleasure. It’s sick, but he wants them to hear. Wants them to hear the pretty song that you’re moaning out, to look at you in the morning as you shift uncomfortably in your seat and know how you loved every second of it, see him smirk and know exactly who drew every noise from you.  

He’s a bard. He knows how to make noises, but these might just be the prettiest ones yet. A hand rubs at the pinking skin and then, quickly as it comes it's gone and brought down, this time to the space where arse meets thigh.

“Five!”  

He could listen to you moan all day. Sex, or at least sex while travelling, is normally a quiet affair. Quiet murmurs of affirmation, whispered begs and pleas, it’s not enough. Jaskier loves sex, loves the intimacy that comes from being as close to someone as humanly possible, but more so than the enjoyment of sex, Jaskier loves the theatrics of sex. Sex is like performing. Doing all possible to please an enthusiastic audience, listening to the sounds of enjoyment as it builds and crescendos, fingers moving faster, doing his best to not make a fool of himself.  

“Six!”  

Slap!

“Seven!”  

He can’t help himself from hoping that this won't be a one-time occurrence. For a few stolen moments you can hand over control to him and give the both of you what you need.  

“Eight!” Your stomach rubs against his cock once more and he chokes back a moan. You'll be the death of him. Ruin him entirely. It isn’t enough that he loves you, isn’t enough that you are the most beautiful person he could dream up, no you have to do things like this. Unintentionally ideal. Perfection given human form.  

“Nine!”  

His hand comes down one final time and you scream out a broken, “Ten!”, and Jaskier heaves out a sigh, rubbing the red skin as gently as he can to soothe you when you begin to tremble. Calloused fingertips slide softly across the abused flesh.  

“Oh Darling. My good girl. My good, brave little miss.” He coos sweetly, gently guiding you up to sit on his lap, one hand still running the skin while the other threads itself in the hair at the nape of your neck. “You did so well.” Gently, he presses his forehead against your own, staring into tear filled eyes. “Oh, Dear Heart, did you not like it?” Worry washes over him suddenly. He should have reminded you that you could say no once more, that he wouldn’t be disappointed.  

“Kiss me.” You breathe back against his lips and he sighs softly, hand shifting to your jaw to tug you into a chaste kiss. You tremble against his lap, but kiss back far more forcefully than he had kissed you. Gentle but seeking, tongue pushing between his lips to make its way into his mouth. He smirks slightly, but doesn’t open his mouth, feeling you rock against his lap- sweet nectar between your legs dripping through the fabric of his trousers while shaking fingers toy with the lacing of his doublet.  

“Darling-"  

“You're wearing far too much.” You whine pulling back to stare at him. “Take it off.”  

“Take what off?”  

“Everything.” One word has never held so much weight. He could look at you like this for always, so soft and desperate and wanting- it makes his heart beat faster and his cock jumps against the heat of your core. He wants to strip himself, rid himself of the offensive articles and just let you take from him all that he has, but he holds your jaw gently instead, using the warm skin as a means to ground himself once more.  

“Ask nicely.”  

“Jaskier.” You say with a slight scowl, but he narrows his eyes and tilts his head, trying not to laugh at your intent look. “Please. Please strip.”  

“I think you can ask nicer than that, Dear Heart.”  

“Julian, please take off your clothes. Please.” You ask softly and trail your hands along the chemise beneath his half-unlaced jerkin. “Please, Dandy? I want to touch you- can I?”  

The pet name brings a soft smile to his face, hands moving to your hips to shift you onto the bed before undoing the rest of his jacket and shucking it off, to toss it to the side. Ducking down, he peppers a few feverish kisses to your thighs, toying with the ties of his chemise while you tug it over his head. Needy and half frenzied is unlike you, but he can’t say that it isn’t perfection. Shy, unsure sex has been too common, the occasional rushed shag when you two can spare a few seconds less frequent, but this magically manic need is sweet. Jaskier is a performer; performers preen under the watchful eye of attentive audience, need the knowledge of a job well done, which he normally gets from you in the form of moans and frantic rutting. This enthusiasm is perfection, especially while his face is so close to your cunt that he can smell the arousal dripping from it.

Nudity can wait, The Bard smirks, grips your thighs in a vice-like grip and widens the distance between them so he can get his mouth on your sex, tongue gathering slick and relishing that sweet, musky taste. Sweeter than any fruit, more addictive than any wine. Jaskier’s lips find your clit, that bud of nerves that might as well contain every breathless moan that you can fit in your body, and sucks, tongue flicking across it with the moans and curses that such an act wrings from you. Nose buried in the curls that cover your mount, cornflower eyes look up to take you in, writhing in ecstasy, breasts quivering with every stuttered breath. He knew that he had missed something while spanking you’d but it falls into place now. Your face.

Every emotion flit across it, as clear to read as sheet music to him. You have an expressive face at the best of times, but it only seems heightened by sex. He knows many men prefer not to face their lovers and, hell, in his more adventurous days had preferred it himself, but seeing how you feel written across your features is part of the joy of sex. It had taken a while to convince you to stop silencing yourself during intimacy, that those moans are his and hard earned, but those expressions mean even more. Miniscule twitches of the brows and lips that let him know that you enjoy what he is doing, he loves them. Loves you. Those noises are meaningless without that face, pink and contorted with pleasure. That face. He could stare at it all day.

He doesn’t miss Lettenhove, not for a minute, but he does miss paintings. Portraits, moments trapped in time, forever perfect. He wants a painting of moments like this; nothing pornographic, just your face, with not a care for anything but pleasure. To see him through those nights when hunting takes too long and he's long asleep by the time you return. A little painting to have with him always.  

“Jaskier-" You whimper, fingers curled into his hair and tugging. “Please. Please.”  

He hums softly and slaps your thigh, revelling in the sweet little gasp that comes from you before a gush of fluid hits his lips. The Bard pulls back and blinks in shock. You’re shaking, twisting in the blankets as he just breathes you in. Squirted. You just squirted on him. He was half convinced that such a thing was just A rumour but... you did it.  

Blinking rapidly, Jaskier stares up at you awestruck and starry-eyed, trying desperately not to spill into his trousers.  

Oh yes. This is going to be a regular occurrence.  

[jawllines]

How do I get thicker skin? One of my friends I love with keeps saying things that I can’t tell if she means them as insults and maybe she’s insecure and jealous or doesn’t actually realise what she saying but it’s happened so much I just don’t think it’s a possibility atm. She says things about being so much smaller than me and how she’s so so thin and I’m big and correct it to taller than her when we’re pretty similar sizes if not I’m smaller but I’m a lot taller than her. I used to be bigger but I’ve lost weight and she’s put on. She knows I’m very insecure about the way I look especially weight wise and I just don’t know what to do bc these comments hurt and make me sort of relapse into a slight ED. She also says similar comments about measurements and clothes sizes, not eating and thinking it’s funny to one of my friends who is recovering from an ED so I just don’t know if she’s unaware or idk jealous?

YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER BUBBLES. IT ISNT ABOUT GETTING THICKER SKIN ITS ABOUT SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH HER AND LETTING HER KNOW THAT THAT HURTS YOUR FEELINGS!!

[soopysoap]

Uh, I read your post about having an 80's au for the foreigen kids. And since I'm a Foreigen kids stan, can you tell me more about it?

HI. ANON? ILY.

They're really just random n messy ideas and i forget how many there are but i'm throwing them all here

so the whole thing takes place in highschool and mainly surrounds the cockswolds cotswolds (mainly mark but rebecca is usually there too)

most of them are seniors, rebecca's a junior

mark is an unpopular nerd, therefore the main character because it's the 80s. so is rebecca but she's not the main character

uhh everyone else is kinda just there

like there are no side characters all the foreign kids are kinda equal focus- wise but the main one is mark i guess

like the leader of their group idk idk

estella is the stereotypical rich popular girl, but she's also a closeted lesbian they're all closeted tbh so she's trying to hide that from her mom. Her mom, instead of being all 'Blah blah blah brrak hearts to fuel my life' or something she's just obsessed with status and how popular Estella is. She's always pleased when Estella has a boyfriend, but it's not often. Basically Estella is more smiley and happy than she usually is, but she's stil usually indifferent. Smiles either when she's genuinely happy or wants something. Most of the time she's deadpan or rolling her eyes

Gaydamien is the rich popular jock, his ego is huge. His dad (since he cant be the son of satan in this one) is the principal of their school. He usually gets what he wants, no matter what. Instead of "You dare [insert something here] to the Prince of Hell????" its that but with "Damien Thorn???" yknow because of his last name. He's been dating Estella to boost his ego, mainly. Doesn't realize he likes guys yet. Estella and Damien hate each other, but everyone believes they're dating because they're too scared to say otherwise. They complain about each other to each other AND to people in private.

Pip is just- he's less of a nerd but more of a kid that's just. There. He isn't nerdy but he definitely isn't popular. At all. He's just a pushover man idk what to tell you. He's usually being bullied. He has a huge crush on Damien, because he got him out of trouble with some other jock like. Once. Always gets giggly around him, it's funny to watch. Also very passive aggressive @ Estella because she's dating him. They have very few classes together, but whenever they do he's always like "hey :) so hows damien" and she responds with "why would i know" and he's like "because??? youre dating him???" and she looks really confused for a second and then is like "OH- Oh yeah okay uh. I don't know. So." and then she starts complaining about him or something and pip is all ":) why not just break up?"

Pip also hates Christophe

Which, speaking of, Christophe is also an annoying egotistical jock who plays football with Damien. Damien and Christophe are best friends. Christophe and Gregory are dating in secret

Gregory is the stereotypical gay kid. No other way to put this. If Ryan Evans from High School Musical had a superiority complex. He's a theatre kid, and takes pride in tha- OH MY GOD. Rachel??? Maybe he's Rachel Berry from Glee??? it would kind of work idk,, ok uh anyway yeah he's always bullied for being openly gay and it sucks but he took defense classes in Yardale (yes he's still a transfer from Yardale, yes he constantly mentions it) so he's able to hold his own. But Christophe usually steps in to get Gregory out of there and tend to his wounds.

Rebeccaaaaaa she's the unpopular girl, just started school and doesnt know shit about it after being homeschooled almost her whole life. Has a little crush on Estella, but Estella "Doesn't" notice her. (Estella just thinks of her as some pretty girl who isnt worth her time) Rebecca usually keeps to herself, is usually gossiped about. Estella never gets involved, but whenever she'd get asked about it, instead of defending Rebecca she just says "I hardly believe any of the rumors. She was homeschooled, not taught in witchcraft or satanisim. Or whatever else everyone's saying. Everyone should really calm themselves, if they were so worried about what people thought of them when Rebecca started going here then they should get that in order first before ruining Rebecca's social life. God. You all have to grow up." So, not necessarily a defense but also not an insult. Rebecca still finds it sweet.

Mark is a neerrrrrrd 80s main character. Minus the popular love interest and yearning 😩 And also if the main character had a god/superiority complex.. he's bullied the most other than Gregory, mostly by Damien n Christophe. Girls don't like him, guys don't like him, he really only had Pip and Rebecca for a while. Pip because he's overly nice to almost everyone and wanted to befriend Mark immediately. Usually during lunch Mark sits with Pip and Rebecca. Mark has to hear about Damien all the time from Pip though, so that's annoying.

Uh I know that Pocket is TECHNICALLY a foreign kid but idk shit about him and dont really think about him but he's Estella's cousin and often hangs out with her since he doesn't really have a friend group. He's also really good friends with Pip. BUT since this is a horror au he dies off early

After theyre all friends some stuff happens yada yada yada Gaymien realizes he's pan and has a crush on Pip, Estella takes Rebecca out for a makeover , Christophe gets severely injured because this is a horror au as well, Damien and Pip make out at some point-

Estella and Rebecca both know that theyre Lesbians but they refuse to admit that they like each other

Kinda thinking of this as if it was stranger things or something so i definitely want there to be like... a series of bad events. everyone thinks everythings cool and fine and whatever and there are moments where our group kinda just get to chill n' be kids. idk i just want there to be a falling out in the group and then they all realize they need each other or something dumb like that

also for some fun chill moments we can have estella and rebecca walking around holding hands and laughing n' stuff bc they love each other idk idk

and after the falling out when they all join together again estella is the first to see some scary stuff but she was also the first to drop everyone except damien and christophe (because of her mother) and so she blames herself and doesnt think she can go to them and just has to deal with it on her own

eventually she tells damien who immediately tells pip who immediately wants to get the group together again

everyone's (the cockswolds) are reluctant to hang out again because of the way they were just forgotten so easily, but they go anyway. because of the horror stuff. they both are pissed at estella though

at some point estella gets badly hurt and rebecca saves her and starts nursing her back to health

estella: why are you... why are you doing this. dont you hate me?

rebecca: i'm doing it because i actually care for you, idiot.

estella: i care for you i just... couldnt...

rebecca: what? spend time with a lowlife like me?

estella: you know thats not what i meant-

they go on like that for a little while longer until they wind up confessing to each other "Because I love you! Is that so fucking hard to believe?!" Would be rebecca's and Estella's would probably be "I don't hate you! You're my favorite person, and I hated having to stop hanging out with you! I love you, okay?!" it would be :) fun

damien and estella come out to each other first. well- damien doesnt really come out he just tells her how confused he is and they hug it out and estella tells him she's a lesbian and they both talk a little while longer and decide that breaking up would be the best idea

thats all i've really figured out for sure,, i have some more ideas but this is. a lot already so. i'm just gonna stop before i write too much 👉👉 anyway, anon ily ty for this. also sidenote: the horror stuff has to do with weird sacrificial cults. i know i have nothing for that and really only talked about how everything starts and drama instead of the interesting stuff but 🥴 i have no defense i just love my kids ok drama is fun

[macklives]

alright, im actually kind of in the mood to unpack some stuff regarding karkat's character and the way alternia works actually, so i dont mind giving this a go. and while act 5 isnt completely finished yet (so this is an analysis post for act 5 up until page 2305), there is still more to explore, and im pretty sure i have a lot more to read regarding both karkat AND alternia. until then, i will give a general layout as to what i know so far and how i can expand this in a psychological way (especially considering i did my psych exam so my mind is FRESH from studying)

alright, starting with what seems to be the deal with the hemospectrum, theres a total of 12 blood colors. HOWEVER, one of those blood colors is a "mutant" blood which is unwanted in troll culture as it is, well, "mutant", meaning whoever has this blood will get brutally slaughtered. hurrayyy. im guessing it is even lower than aradia's rust blood, as she is allowed to live but is the lowest on the hierarchy triangle. meaning karkats blood is not even ON the hierarchy triangle and simply buried underground where they hope he stays. so its not exactly pleasant to be living in a society where everyone is trying to KILL you or at least keep you away from everything.

from what i remember, troll reproduction is a vital aspect in their culture, that everyone is forced to mate and drones will come by each house to collect the genetic material. this is mandatory apparently, and if someone were to object, they will be “culled" as quickly as they could say no. alternia seems to be really keen on the whole "blood and carnage" thing, which means their probable solution to anybody breaking the law, is to kill them on sight and just leave them there to rot - regardless of who they are and what families they comes from or have. trolls are free to kill whenever or whoever they please without any governmental repercussions. which means revenge upon revenge happens without any policy.

however this is very important when looking at karkat, because karkat may not be able to do the whole reproduction process (not that we necessarily want him to, im saying this in terms of how its mandatory for every troll and there will be a time when the drones WILL come for karkat). but as he is already a mutant and if they were to "collect" from him, they would find out his blood regardless of how he hides it. they will either cull him for saying no, or cull him for his blood. karkat, in this sense, is doomed regardless. which makes his character much more interesting.

and keep in mind alternia kind of sucks, because from the looks of it, trolls are constantly tested throughout their lives to prove themselves to society that they are allowed to live and survive. but ONLY if they are the strongest among them. alternia wants to become this fearful planet where the weak die off and only those proven worthy can stay to grow up and slaughter more of their kind until the world is nothing but blood thirsty strong murderers. im not too sure who is governing alternia but they can suck a dick if they think this is how good morals work. alternia only really has one way to solve things which is to kill those who question/fight back, OR to kill those who CANNOT fight back essentially. which puts all the trolls through a double edged sword where they cannot do anything but follow the guidelines given to them by troll's society and government, and try to survive as much as they can until then.

if i remember correctly, when it comes to the law side of things. if you look at it from terezi's introduction where she explains prosecutions with her plushies (lemonsnout ect ect i forgot the term for them lol), she said "you are guilty until proven innocent" which is the polar opposite of "innocent until proven guilty” used in OUR own society today (tho i guess we are by far the "good guys" in this situation, but we are far different than how trolls live their lives). anyways, what this means is that everyone dies regardless unless theres literal proof that they have not done the crime. even so i wouldnt put it past them to do nothing about their case even WITH proof. terezi even goes to say that technically there is no way to deal with the law on alternia, and most of crimes get solved through death. she even demonstrates this by how easily she hung the "suspect" and flipped a coin to determine his fate. however, even with the coin landing on the side of safety, where the suspect were to be released, she said "im blind remember i cannot see this coin" and essentially "killed" him. while terezi may have just been playing with her plushies, theres something we can take from this which dictates how their actual court cases are actually solved.

NOW, vriska (yes ik pls bare with me here, i will not make it about vriska but i do have a point here), from the last few pages i saw, can basically kill her friends in an instant, without any remorse. i can tell she sees this as the most "necessary" solution for her problems. i wouldnt say its for survival, but she does do it as a way to provide some sort of safety on alternia. she is a higher blood, and apparently the high bloods are known to kill whoever they please as long as its convenient. and since trolls have this whole fad of "killing the ones who cause you trouble so the problem is out of the way", she is wired to think its the only solution when threatened or when you dislike a person. 

god, she killed aradia because she wanted "revenge", because she wanted to get back at aradia for tormenting her with ghosts EVEN IF aradia did so because she threw tavros off a cliff in the first place. this may have worsened their friendship, KEEP IN MIND THEY WERE FRIENDS, but NEITHER, and i mean neither terezi/vriska/aradia, had any remorse if the other dies as long as there was a reason. in the story, vriska didnt care what happened to tavros because she disliked him, therefore becoming pretty bias over his fate. because of this attempt at killing, aradia didnt care what happened to vriska either, and neither did terezi. terezi sold her out to one of the most powerful beings on their planet, solely because of their revenge cycle. as long as the troll in question did something "malicious”, then that plays a factor in their morals. vriska gave no second thought to killing both of her friends (or at least attempt to with tavros), terezi also tormented john in act 4 which led to his “doomed timeline death” and sold vriska out after she realized vriska wouldnt change. so no fucking WONDER karkat tries to hide who he is, he's overly cautious to not let it slip out because even the people he calls friends could backstab him at any given time considering theres LITERAL EXAMPLES OF THESE TROLLS HAVING DONE SO.

to karkat, he sees this as dangerous, which is why he even CALLS vriska dangerous to begin with. she might not even hesitate to kill him herself or maybe sell him out to the drones, because 1. she may not want to be a witness to something society actively seeks to destroy and 2. she cares more for her survival than karkats. EVEN if they were friends (re: aradia and vriska and terezi). so it just shows. 

on that note, i find it funny how karkat indirectly distracted vriska after she baited him with the question of his blood in a past conversation, which prompted karkat to monologue about troll romance. he was, yes, VERY interested in this topic to start with, but it was a nice little bonus for karkat as to not be found out by the one person who would most likely kill him even if it wasnt on purpose. however, we do not know how this will play out IF she does find out, we just know karkat is in the right to be scared of the theory.

and, alright i do have to mention this, while karkat may have been an angry fucker to START with, who spites the world and throws out insults every chance he gets, i feel he does this as more of a survival instinct as well. he doesnt care what he says to people no matter what they rank on the hemospectrum. they dont know his blood color so he feels he has some sort of immunity, but he just needs to keep it hidden. it also may just be his personality, as he IS a character who was given specific traits and andrew went along with it without so much thinking about plot. yet if you look at this from more of the metaphorical route, think about it with uhhhh lets say the perspective of how dogs work. for example, when you put a chihuahua next to a doberman, a doberman is more of an excited, energetic dog whereas a chihuahua will rain hell down on anybody who so goes near them. sometimes this is to make up for their size, to seem as menacing as the larger doberman, as they have nothing else to fend themselves with. another way to look at it is, if you see a bear (i forget if its black/brown or grizzly) you make yourself seem like the bigger person by scaring it off with sounds and eventually it will leave you alone. these sort of tactics work in the sense of survival. this is sort of what karkat could be doing, he uses insults and a defensive shouting to not really "hide" himself, but to have some sort of way as to not be found out if people start to question. someone asks him "hey karkat whats your blood" he goes "FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF, END OF STORY" which could make a person go "yo sorry dude forget i ever asked". so this could be a factor as to why he is so crabby, however on the other hand, he is crabby because that is also his character. andrew probably thought yo cancer = crab = crabby. however i do like how he is perceived and the whole "mutant blood" really made me do a double take on how he views life himself. he has to always hide who he is or he will get physically killed. alternia would take joy in finding out he does not belong there because lets face it, alternia is a bitch of a planet.

this also brought me to ask the question, why does karkat want to be a leader if hes so scared of what would happen to him if he were to be found out? which then, at first i said lol this is just karkat, he wants to a leader because he just wants to be the leader, he likes when things go to plan and that he the most say in their sburb plans considering he thinks everyone else is a "dumbass". to which, i then thought about it more and went ouch what if hes a leader because he knows hes not valued enough in society, that he somehow wants to feel some sort of importance in the world, so he wants to become a leader. i imagine younger karkat, not knowing why his blood is so undermined, finding out he is not wanted and suddenly on the most wanted list without having even DONE anything. even TAVROS said he was on that list, but only because he was weak and had no back-bone, here karkat may have been strong but no matter what, he was to be culled BECAUSE of his blood. something he cannot change no matter what. imagine a little kid knowing he will die at any point because of who he is (rlly sounds familiar if you think about it). so of course, he hides himself from the world, but do you think for an instant, little angry karkat wants to simply be FORGOTTEN about? i doubt that, he wants to be heard, he doesnt necessarily want to be rejected as he knows he will be, so while he does hide his blood, he wants to have a voice no matter what. when being a leader, people dont reject you, they LISTEN. they all may not want to because karkat is just a fucking ticking time bomb, who can lash out at any second, but i feel theres now a reason why he has this superiority complex. he wants to sort of become the person he knows he never will become (if you put it into that perspective). so thats kind of why im giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

i would also like to point out a sort of.... comparison?? not with the dogs but with unwanted children in a family household. this doesnt necessarily apply to karkat, but sub in family household with society and it might as well. (on that note, a warning/viewer discretion, if you have any problem with this kind of discussion, i wouldnt read further into this paragraph and skip to the next one) alright, the unwanted child psychology basically deals with the process of a child which is neglected by their parents, and/or know that they were never wanted in the family. i read an article a while back when we were discussing this in a lecture, we were browsing multiple people's perspective on the matter, and one said "An affective relationship may be suffocating to [the unwanted/neglected child]: it’s a defense against intimacy of which they know nothing. Normally they fluctuate between egotism and deep feelings of inferiority. They don’t understand what a balanced and healthy self-esteem looks like." it explains how the child who grows up in an unwanted home admits great emotion deprivation, because the child's bonds of affection are extremely fragile, and this can lead to both egotism and feeling like they are inadequate. and it really strongly shows karkats personality. we havent gotten that much from him in general, but considering how he uses this egotism to cover up the fact that he may be doomed, really shows the similarity. i liked this short article so i want to give some points to take into consideration, specifically this part: "It will be very difficult for unwanted children to build healthy relationships of affection in their adult life. Love is a foreign language to them. They don’t know how to decipher the codes and much less how to build them. It’s very hard for them to need and to be needed. That’s why, more often than not, they completely shirk their conflicts with peers and superiors, or do nothing but generate them. They speak incessantly about the broken relationship that marked their arrival in the world. A person with such a background will need help to get through those abysses of love that live in their heart. The most important step is that they recognize that their discomfort doesn’t depend on who they are, but the circumstances that led to their being." it may not be 100% tru for karkat but theres a small portion of it that can link back to karkats view on life and how being this mutant can really change who he is as a person. and i hope you can see the similarity between karkats character and this form of psychology. yet i also do not fully know the depth of karkat vantas. however i do hope it continues to build up in this way, as it would be both interesting and make us feel more for him as a person.

alright, i think if i write any more i will never stop aghjsk, which is a bit too much for a sunday afternoon, basically to sum up this post, trolls are violent and karkat will be killed if hes found out, even by his friends if it comes down to it. so karkat cannot really trust anybody, hes alone and imagine the thrill he had when he saw jack cut his hand to show the bright red blood? that he finally has someone LIKE HIM. imagine when he finds out about the kids. so i believe in his growth, while he needs to get a better vocabulary, i do get why hes so defensive all the time. because hes both scared and unwanted. and he wants to make up for it.

and i guess with all that being said, you can tell i now have a slight soft spot for the kid lmao

[soulwillower]

isn’t this easy?• bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader)      

warnings: swearing, some angst, fluff, poorly written, unedited!!!

... idk what this is

[losers + reader are aged up to high school in this.]

2.2k words

♡

bill’s eye rolls were getting increasingly more aggressive and painful to watch as you and the losers sit in the clubhouse, silently eyeing the boy as he leans against a pole with his phone to his ear. on the other line, an upset voice spits words like “insensitive,” “asshole,” “stupid,” and “embarrassing” but bill says nothing back, sighs emitting slowly from worried down lips with a pained and embarrassed look.

bill was broke, and not in an economic sense as much as in his relationship. he’d never admit it to you up front, but he told eddie and ben three days ago that his girlfriend was taking so much more than she was giving. and its killing him. 

its not like none of you noticed, it’s just that he’s still with her despite that that hurts you.

you cant help the twinge of anger that lights a fire deep within you; you open your mouth to question the berating insults that were just flying through his phone from the girls that was supposed to love him.  

richie asks before you have a chance. “whats got your girl’s panties in such a twist, big bill?” mike chuckles and okay, not exactly the words you would have chosen, but the grimace and shrug bill responds with suggests the job was done either way.

“e-earlier today i m-made a thats wh-what she said j-joke.”

you blink and share a look with eddie before looking back in shock to bill. “and thats all? you got all of that just from a joke? what, was it bad?”

he shakes his head, “i th-thought it was funny. she and her boring flathead f-friends didnt. i’m in the d-doghouse, now.”

it’s quiet then, because all seven of you - and possibly bill himself - were all thinking it, but not even you or richie were bold enough to just say it. plus, bill could never betray the treatment that he’s always known, and it's killing you to watch him wilt under this girl. he gets this treatment from his parents and now his girlfriend, too. it hurts you everywhere.

and in the silence of the group, the sarcastic 'cheers' gesture that bill makes with his can of soda is a sad reminder that he’s going to stay true to the golden core that once defined a now-dying infatuation.

but you’re fairly certain that golden core started rotting the moment they’d met. 

- 

sometimes, when bill gets flashbacks or around the certain times that he cant help but stare forlornly at the empty room across his hall, he would call her.

she didn't get it, of course she didn't. she tried to help him the first few times, like a decent girlfriend - really, the bare minimum - but it got hard for her. or she didn't want that part of bill. 

she only wanted the ‘good parts,’ you’d heard. but that doesn't make sense, because every part of bill is a good part. 

she doesn't get him, she doesn't understand the depths of trauma and hurt that swirls slowly below the depths of his 6’1 frame - behind his smiles, his leadership, his kindness, cheer, and unsullied bravery and intuition.

the losers get it, you get it. because you were there along with him the whole time and though still none of you want to outright address it for fear of getting violently sick as you recall memories. 

but you and bill can talk about it in a way that’s accessible for the two of you and it’s typically stuff that makes you laugh or makes you uncomfortable upon reflection, the fuzzy memories that get harder to recall the older you grow. 

and because of that, more often than not you’ll get a text and then sit in your car down the block until you see her leave his house before sneaking to his room to comfort him and brush tears off his cheeks that roll down from both the petrifying fear of repressed memories along with the stinging pains of rejection from his disdainful girlfriend.

it was heartbreaking.

during those nights he tells you that he doesn't deserve someone like you and you think that’s absurd. but he also tells you how nice it is that you make him laugh when he knows he’s about to cry, and how you know exactly how he feels when those intrusive feelings get in the way and its almost too much. he says he loves you, and when you say it back it’s with a stabbing pain through your heart. because he loves you, but not in the same way. 

and sure, you dream of the day where bill wakes up and realizes that holy shit, you’ve been in front of him the whole time. but even that isn’t as important as your longing for bill to wake up and see that he just deserves better than her. 

you could give that to him, but even so, he just needs to get out of her talons because they were ripping him apart.

- 

and when it had been a few days since you'd last gotten to see bill, you decided you needed to check in on him. out of childhood habit, you walked through the backyard and went to knock on the back door. but his figure is already there and before your fist can make a sound,  the door slides open. “oh, hi.” you say, eyes wide, fist hovering above the empty space that once was bill’s sliding door.

bills green eyes swim with happiness and he gives you a tired smile, stepping out with you and giving you another glimmer of hope. “h-hey y/n, wh-what’s up?” he asks you, following you without question. you shrug, “wanted to go to the park. need to get away.” you explain, leaving out the 'you' at the beginning of your last sentence. he gives a blinding smile as he’s helping to lift you over his back fence. “g-good, i’ve been missing my g-girl lately.”

you think about those words the whole way to the park and they still make you smile as your legs brush against each other on the park bench. you can't help but watch him as he talks. the way his lips form words as he tries to force them out of his mouth, the embarrassed blush totally absent from his cheeks now that his girlfriend isn't around. he told you once with a grimace that she doesn't always love when he stutters.

you do, of course. you always love everything about bill.

and minutes later, when you crack a lewd joke, he looks shocked and unsurprised all at once that you can't help your stare as his green eyes flick around, checking if any kids at the park heard before looking to you. he tips his head back with a bright laugh, the melodic sound coaxing a laugh of your own from your lips. his arm casually comes to rest against the back of the bench as laughs still bubble from his cherry lips, his red hair glinting in the sun.

he looks at you and for the first time in months, he looks completely relaxed. “y/n!” he says, halfway between amusement and chastising, his lips still smiling. you smile back at him, holding his soft gaze as he shakes his head softly.

isnt this so easy?

you wonder briefly why it isnt easy like this with him and her.

because you just don’t get it. bill’s the kind of boy that everybody loves - very few people dislike him and if you discredit the psychopaths or lunatics that this town is riddled with, the people left are far and few between.

his girlfriend dislikes him now, though, and he dislikes her. but hes too nice to see that, because he just wants everyone around him to be happy even if its at his own expense.

- 

and then two weeks after their phone call in the clubhouse, he showed up at your door with short breaths, stuttering words, and tears swimming in his eyes. it was one in the morning and he looked almost as bad as you’d seen him since that one summer back in middle school.

and when you were up in your room, he told you all about their breakup and how that itself didnt hurt, but what was killing him was how foolish he’d been to keep on dating a girl who didnt show him the kind of love he wanted.

he started to say something else, but stopped and you didn’t bring it up, as much as you wanted to.

bill was sleeping on rocks at home, spending sleepless nights thinking about where they’d stepped and the entire mess that had thankfully ended tonight. but he couldn’t sleep well and the evidence was right under his eyes.

so you’d let him stay with you, and he insisted on sleeping on the floor but you thought that was nonsense. he curled up with you on the bed and it was the best sleep the two of you ever had.

- 

then it happened again a couple weeks after their break up. bill had run up to your front door and pounded on it until you begrudgingly answered. he'd woken you up, because it was seven in the morning and you gape at him - he looks like he's been up all night. "bill-" you start but he starts stuttering, talking a mile a minute as if he has to say something now or else he never could again.

the feeling of an empty pit in your stomach that wishes for a splash of light starts to grow as he looks at you almost warily. "y-y/n, i have to- just listen, p-please, because i n-need to a-ask you..."

you wait patiently, terrified because he looks like he might be sick, but he starts anyways. “y/n. you u-understand me, you always h-have...” he looks very anxious, and bill is rarely anxious so you start to panic. his next words are shocking.

“y/n, are y-you... are you in l-love with me?” he asks, and the air leaves your lungs. he’s watching you, looking torn, and it breaks your heart. it looks like he’s in pain and he looks so lost. you nod slowly, shrugging. “yeah, bill. i just- i cant help it.” you say, feeling defeated and somehow elated by your admission.

his eyes well with tears and he shakes his head. “im so s-s-sorry.” he whispers, voice cracking. it kills you. “i’m s-sorry, f-fuck.” 

you’re scared and confused and deeply sorrowful as his words leave his lips. just because he doesn't love you back doesn't mean he has to be sorry about it at all. 

 it hurts you to think that a boy who gives so much love for everyone can be so lost and unsure with himself, feeling so undeserving of real love. “y-y/n, i'm s- i didnt kn-know. i d-didnt know, i'm so s-sorry.”

he's hysteric and your heart hurts as you realize he's sorry that you had to see him with his ex all the time and you shake your head. you’ve never seen bill like this before. 

“bill, it's okay, i just want you to be happy, that’s all. i don't need you to- we dont have to-“

“-i don’t want to f-f-fuck it up w-with you, too. i’m s-scared.” he says softly, eyes bright and teary like summer grass after a long rain. his hands are shaking as he lifts them to rub at his tired eyes, lip quivering.

the world spins for both of you as you tentatively walk forward, grabbing his cheeks softly. theyre warm under your touch and when he looks down at you, the spinning stops.

“why do you think you could ever fuck it up with me?” you ask softly, genuinely curious as your heartbeat thumps against your chest. his eyes are closed, in either fear or regret. 

“you couldn’t if you tried. i love ‘thats what she said’ jokes.” you say teasingly.

bill laughs wetly, his cheeks slightly squishing as his wide smile is obstructed by your soft hands. “i love y-you.” he says, eyes opening to stare at you seriously. you raise your eyes, surprised and elated at his words.

“you do?” you ask dumbly, hands falling from his face to his shoulders to steady yourself. “y-yeah, i do. i think i have for a r-really long t-time.” he says sheepishly with a smile.

you can’t help but let out a relieved laugh, your shoulders relaxing as he grins down at you with a look full of nothing but love. 

“can i k-kiss you?” he whispers, hands sneaking to your cheek and neck. “please.” you say just as quietly, unable to wipe the smile from your face.

when he closes the gap, he tastes like salt but he kisses you softly with more intent and feeling than you ever thought possible.

his hands are gentle and rough all the same, kissing with wild fire and with calm waters. you feel pinned to earth and up in the clouds, his lips on yours and tongue swiping gently in your mouth. he’s smiling into your mouth, laughing gently with love as he pulls you closer, arms wrapping tightly around your middle.

the darkness that ached for the splash of light within you is completely gone now, replaced with glowing love, admiration for the boy that you’ve loved since middle school.

 he belongs with you.

[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

[thethousandyearwitch]

“Thankless Job”. 2589 Words, HisokaxIllumi  Illumi has to work at a Burger Joint and realizes that Customer Service isnt for him.  A Shitpost gone wrong, dont expect perfect english, dont expect perfect plot. kthxbye 

fanfiction.net link

"You need to get a job." Those words have been ringing in Illumis ears for the past week. The way which his father had said it, so matter-of-factly, and the way his mother started wailing almost immediately, talking about "new experiences" "learning normal skills" "honest money". Illumi did not understand how the money he'd get from missions was "dishonest" money, but he also knew better than to disagree with his parents. And so he could do nothing but watch and write applications, while his brothers got assigned mission after mission. He wasn't surprised that a TOPBURGA♪  accepted his application and hired him after a short interview. The place does not exactly scream professionalism and high-class, with it's grease stained walls, the lingering small of something burning in the air, and the sound of screaming children. The sensory input was almost too overwhelming for the eldest Zoldyck son, but he knew that his pool of jobs to choose from wasn't that deep.

And so he stared at himself in the mirror while buttoning up the last button on his brightly orange shirt. The work uniform was atrocious. The shirt was too tight around the shoulders, but  too wide around the waist, and was tucked into pants that didn't even reach his ankles. Gently he pulled his ponytail through the back-end of a white cap, fashioning the talking-burger logo of the chain. A last look into the mirror, going over his form, examining the working-class stranger looking back at him. That could not be him, he thought, resting his eyes on the reflection of the name tag "Iluhmi". 8:30 am. His shift starts.

The first 2 hours had been going surprisingly smoothly. Working as a cashier wasn't difficult to Illumi, he could take comfort in such a repeated, calculated task, blocking out most of everything that was going on around him, including his managers mumbling about 'customer service face'. He got the job done, and he got it done well. Mentally he was preparing for his lunch break already, wanting to breathe fresh air, leaving all the noise behind for glorious 30 minutes of silence. But suddenly Illumi felt something greatly disturbing this make believe peace he has already been looking forward to. A familiar aura, so piercing, so overwhelming, a weaker soul would be inclined to activate a fight or flight instinct that had been driven out of any and all of the Zoldyck children. There was only fight. And yet Illumi wanted to leave, not to flee, but simply to hide, to not be seen. Not like this, not by him. The doors of the small Burger joint swung open, and in came the familiar magician, brandishing is trademark grin, so perverse that Illumi felt it would be justified to call security. But he didn't, instead opting to look blankly ahead, hoping, praying that Hisoka has stumbled into this restaurant by accident, and would leave any second. Hope is for Fools and Prayer never works. Illumi was face to face with the pink-haired intruder now. "My, oh my, what a surprise to see you here, dear Illumi " It is against company policies to assault a customer. "That Uniform looks quite... Dashing on you, might I add." It is against company policies to insult a customer.

"Welcome to TOPBURGA, may I have your order please?" Maybe acting cold and rejecting would work, pretending not to even know this person (by stretch of definition). "Oh, I don't think that's a sufficient greeting for a PAYING CUSTOMER, do you? " It would not work. Illumi could tell by Hisokas widening grin and narrowing eyes that he was prepared to make a scene. Illumi cleared his throat, before digging his nails into the off-color counter in front of him, forcing himself to smile, looking Hisoka directly in the eyes. He had never wanted to murder this man this badly ever before. "Welcome to TOPBURGA♪! May I take your order, please~?" Hisoka clapped his hands together, looking pleased as ever. "Now that's the spirit! Feels wonderful to work with a smile on your face, right?" Illumi felt a piece of a soul that he think he didn't have die. Reverting back to a blank stare, Illumi coldly put in Hisokas order into the cash register, trying to block out Hisokas low purrs of "um"s and "ah"s while he was deciding on his meal. "That'll be 6.99Jennie Please."

As Illumi held out his hand to receive the cash (which was definitely not enough to  compensate for what he was emotionally going through), Hisoka gently placed his hand on top of the cashiers, slowly running his nails over Illumis open palm after dropping the coins. The sensation ran shivers down Illumis spine, but surprisingly he didn't dislike it. Faintly he wondered how it would feel to have these nails run up the nape of his neck, or gently massaging his scalp. Of course Illumi would never let anyone touch his hair, much less Hisoka, who would probably get way too much joy out of it.

Quickly banning these thoughts out if his head , he handed Hisoka his order number. "Your order will be ready in a moment." Illumi wondered if he could pass a note to the cook and ask him to burn an order on purpose, as Hisoka finally took a couple steps back to lean against a wall and wait. Conveniently the business started to fill with customers, keeping Illumi busy and his mind occupied, ignoring the magicians piercing stare on him. Even as a coworker finally handed him his order, he found a table in perfect view of the counter, slowly eating fry by fry while watching Illumi work. Does he not have anything better to do? Is there no one else he can harass?  Of course he's just looking, but anyone who has ever met Hisokas gaze knows that that basically counts as assault. Why does it bother me so much, anyway? Illumis thoughts were echoing in his head. Hisoka took up too much space in his mind, distractingly much. "You're being watched." The soft voice pulled him out of the echo chamber of his mind.

"Pardon?" Illumis eyes focused back on the customer in front of him, trying to process the figure in a soaked black rain coat, hood pulled over their head. The rain had started a couple minutes earlier, and as everyone who had sought shelter in the burger joint had been served, or was simply there to wait our the weather, this lone figure was the last in line. "A customer has been watching you for the past 30 minutes, he sits in the second row to the right." "Oh, him. I've been aware-" Illumis explanation cut short as the figure pulls off the soaked hood of their coat, revealing yet another familiar face. "Chrollo." "Oh, Illumi? I didn't even recognize you in that.." Chrollos eyes quickly darted over Illumis form, before letting out a small chuckle "..lovely attire." "Thank you, I've already been made aware that I look 'dashing', according to my pursuer." Chrollo leaned on the counter, and though Illumi felt proportionally more uncomfortable with the increasing number of familiar faces in this place, he did find comfort in being able to talk comparatively normal to someone for the first time today. "So, is the Zoldyck family planing to become a chain restaurant empire now?"

"Very funny." It was not very funny. "I'd prefer it if you leave this establishment. If Hisoka recognizes who you are, I feel like there is not a job for me to come back to tomorrow." Chrollo chuckled, before holding up an apologetic hand. "Understood, I will just have a water and be on my way. Though.." He quickly glanced over his shoulder "..I feel like he's already preparing to fight me just for talking to you like this. His determination in staring me down is admirable." Illumi glanced at the clock, and sighed in relief, before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. "My break has started. That'll be 1.20Jennie." Without another word, Chrollo placed the money on the counter, took his water, and waved Illumi goodbye. The hard working man at the counter was about to turn and leave for his well deserved break, when something was amiss. He froze mid-turn, glanced back at the interior of the restaurant. He's gone, he thought.

Did he see Chrollo after all? The image of Hisoka confronting Chrollo outside came to mind, but was quickly pushed aside. It was time for Illumis break, and whatever happens outside the restaurant is none of his business. Instead he grabbed his water bottle, and excused himself through the backdoor. The rain had stopped, and the sun was pushing through the thin of the clouds. The back of the restaurant was facing a small park, and a wooden bench had been set up for employees to take a break on. Illumi sat down, grateful that the bench itself had been sheltered under the roof of the building, and took off his uniform cap. A small sigh escaped him, staring away into the distance. What has my Life come to? Is this how its going to be for ever? How did Hisoka get his nails so sharp, and why does he always look at me? Is this an informal way of telling me im out of the family business? Did my fa- Wait. He caught himself mid thought. That magician had done it again, sneaking his way into the back of Illumis mind, like a maggot eating through wood. He could never, ever give him the satisfaction of knowing he had those capabilities. Illumi could practically already hear the self-satisfied purr of the other mans voice. "Whats got you thinking so hard, dear?~" The reality of that voice made Illumis head shoot up, facing the other man who was leaning casually against the wall next to him.

"None of your business." Plenty of his business. Too much of his business, actually. His smug face and awful grin and piercing gaze. "You know, I do like your hair in a ponytail like this, it frames your neck perfectly~" Hisoka reaches out towards Illumis face, but his hand is quickly swatted away, giving a fake pout at this. "Why does the eldest of the Zoldyck children degrade himself to such lowly work anyway?~"

Illumi stood up, determined to leave. He wanted peace, quiet, a clear mind, all things mutually exclusive with the presence of Hisoka. "My dear Illumi, if you really needed money that badly, you could have always come to your good friend for help~" Illumi felt his muscles twitch. He wasn't sure what to address first, that he doesn't need money that badly, or that him and Hisoka are the furthest thing from friends. "I wouldn't mind playing your boss for a while~" The magician was directly behind him, he could feel his aura lingering all over his back. Hisokas low voice purred softly behind Illumis ear "I promise you'd get your own uniform, too~" A hand was suddenly resting on the nape of Illumis neck, and index finger massaging through the small hairs that slipped out of his ponytail. For a fraction of a second, he could feel his blood come to a freezing point, forcing him to inhale sharply.

The thought of working for Hisoka was ridiculous and repulsing. Working with him was already often a strain on Illumis sanity. And now just being in his presence , so close he could swear he could hear the others heartbeat (though it was probably only his own ringing in his ear), it upset something deep inside him. The fraction of a second passes, and his blood shot up to a boil. Illumi turned around, a hand immediately pushing Hisoka back against a wall. "I have no qualms about killing you right where you stand." "I'd let you, if it would calm your nerves~" It was no surprise that the magicians grin had only gotten wider after impact with the wall, and seeing Illumis rage burn through him. Illumis hand was pushing against Hisokas throat, though one of Hisokas hands was just holding lazily onto the others wrist, making no attempt to escape his grip.

Illumi could feel Hisokas pulse through his grip, calm despite the circumstances, which only irritated him more. Neither of them break eye contact, while Illumis thoughts run deafening through his head. The past week had been more stressful than any mission could have ever been. This shift in his routine, in what is normal for him just being torn away, proved to be far more damaging than expected. Hisoka was right, his nerves needed to be calmed. His fingers twitched around Hisokas windpipe, who was still meeting Illumis gaze unblinkingly, licking his lips in anticipation. "You are a vile person. I'm sure you'd get off on it if I were to actually kill you right here." Illumis face inched close to Hisokas, not letting go off the grip around his neck. What am I doing it echoed. "We'll never find out if you don't try~" Hisokas hot breath fell on Illumis lips. Too close. Stop. His head was pulsing, and he just wanted to muffle all of his thoughts. Calm my nerves. Their Lips met, softer than expected, and suddenly Illumi felt like all of his muscles relaxed for the first time in his life. He's just helping me calm my nerves.

Hisokas free hand rested on Illumis hip, in turn Illumi released the grip around his neck, and instead wrapped his arms around the others shoulders, pulling him closer to himself. Hisokas tongue licks along the others lips, and reflex-like he opens them. Tasting him like this made Illumis head spin once again, so sickly sweet, as if he was made out of candy. One of his hands starts holding onto Hisokas hair, not pulling, but curling soft strands around his fingers, a gesture almost too soft, too kind for someone like him. In response Hisokas grip around his hips tightened. A new kind of tension tightened in Illumis chest, coiling around his throat, forcing him to finally pull away, catching his breath. He could feel all of the blood that had rushed to his head, feeling the heat flush his cheeks. Quickly he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, straightening his back. "This did not happen." "Of course not, love~" Hisoka chuckles, stepping away from the wall he had been pinned to, stretching his arms and shoulders as if he had been chained up for hours. "Don't do that. I'm not your 'love', you're a glorified stranger to me." "Oh, Illumi, you hurt me so deeply!" Another fake pout, though his eyes were sparking with scheming intent. "Guess I have to ask someone else to join me on a mission in Yorknew then~!" "Excuse me?" "Well, my dear Illumi, theres a ball in Yorknew, and some very interesting people will be there. And by pure coincidence, I have a +1. Though I can't just take any stranger with me~" Hisokas grin was all telling, the bait was all for Illumi to take. The luxury of a Ball in Yorknew, with the danger of Hisoka being present and most likely still itching to "calm some nerves"...And the escape from this thankless job. Illumi undoes his ponytail, and starts unbuttoning the badly-fitting uniform. "When will we depart, associate?" Hisoka started beaming, overjoyed at having broken down one of Illumis walls. "I'll pick you up tonight, love~"