#THIS MAKES ME WANNA GO COMMIT ARSON

[vaguelyexistingcloud]

Oh FUCK OFF

FUCK OFF

[euphor1a]

to the boyfriend i want so hopelessly but will never have, happy birthday milove ♡

[thoughtvoid]

At least schedule more than one person the day after major sales and not just the day of (if that), you stupid sadists. Or, y'know. More than just two people for the entire day, trying to fill the pit you're providing excavators for.

[so-you-melted-22]

why the fuck do my friends always try to make plans on a weeknight?!?! i know for a fact that you all go to fucking school too and maybe you all wouldn't be failing the way you are if you would fucking sleep and study and not drink and smoke in the centre of the city every fucking wednesday to thursday night!!!! i love my friends but hell alive, just do something on a saturday for once!! waldorfschule also starts at 8 and requires you to be awake for it as far as i know so where do you people get the time from?? am i the only person in this fucking group chat from the deepest pits of hell that has plans of fucking graduating this decade?? alternative schooling kids are so fucking annoying!!! people who aren't in a graduating year are so fucking annoying!!! i think i will scream in the woods after that fucking afternoon course today!!!

[adventuringblind]

Don't Wanna Do This Again

Loscar x Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort

Summary: Logan finds out about his car at the 2024 Australian GP and it's affecting him more then he wants to let on.

Warnings: Sad Logan, Protective Oscar, Mildly feral Reader, Mentions of a past suicide attempt, insecurity.

Notes: Nobody asked for this but ima do it anyway

Side Note: My inbox is open if you wanna come chat with me :)

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Of all the things that could've happened, this was not the one he was expecting. Being punished for a crime he didn't commit... it makes his skin crawl with anger and insecurity.

In the end, he knew it had to be done. Alex has more experience, he's the better driver and their best chance at scoring any kind of points. Logan had spent the last few hours pacing the room, mulling over all the reasons this is logical. The reasons he shouldn't be upset about this.

It just - it doesn't cancel out all the feelings he's having about it. No matter how much he rationalizes it, he's still upset. With Alex, James, the team, but most of all - with himself. He's not good enough to be here. He's here for one reason and that is to be the token American and bring in more American fans because money. Which can't be good for the people getting the money, considering he's probably getting all their eyes stuck in the back of their heads from rolling them so hard each time he crashes out.

He needs her or Oscar, or both of them. Immediately before he can drown in the waves of emotions that are raging. Until then, he's going to continue the repetitive motion of pacing this hotel room. Further allowing himself to think a hole into the floor.

Then the door slams open. "Logan!" She does end up sending them both to the ground since he wasn't expecting the full force of her weight. "You weren't there so we panicked. Searched all of Williams before we ran into Alex and he told us what happened..." She's all the way wrapped around him now despite having to wriggle her limbs between his body and the floor.

"She tried to punch him." Oscar, who's stoic expression to most reads a million emotions to him, decided to sit on the floor next to them. He heaves Logan's head into his lap. One of his favorite spots because his thighs.

"...Did you get him?"

"No! Oscar stopped me before I could! The he dragged me out of the paddock because apparently setting fire to your garage 'won't solve the problem.'" She does her best Oscar impersonation. Something about it makes him feel calmer. It may not be getting his car back, but he knows they are willing to fight for him.

"Arson is never the answer; sabotage is." The words leave his lips so casually that Logan and the female have to take a second to register it.

Logan blinks up at him. "Osc, what did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing."

There is a silence that follows because both of them know he's lying. Oscar is sneaky and ruthless when he wants to be. Logan shoots him a look of disbelief.

"Okay, so I might have moved a bunch of the mechanics tools while they were out of the garage prepping for the change of parts. They may or may not be hidden around the garage and in inconvenient locations... and I might have also moved everyone's headphones around."

Logan nearly bursts. The small act was still one that was in his defense. Not blatant or in the teams face, just Oscar making them think it's karma or something.

The female, who's been peppering any area within reach with kisses, freezes when Oscar finishes. "How did I not notice this?!"

"You were busy trying to escape from Lando to fight James. It wasn't that difficult, really."

She grumbles something incoherent into Logan's chest. Obviously flustered at the idea of not being able to take revenge the way she intended and Oscar having all the fun in the meantime.

It's nice, the soft tender touches and the loving words. How he can say with such confidence that the two people here with him, comforting him, when they could be doing anything else, that they love him.

Logan chokes. The weight of all the emotions finally breaking through the dam everyone else is trying to poke holes in. The hands that were holding her gently despite her death grip, are now clutching at the fabric of her shirt like his life depends on it.

"Shh, let it out now Lo. This can't have been easy." Oscar is still carding his hands through the mess of blonde hair. "William's made a poor choice in the eyes of most."

"But it's the most logical choice! It makes sense they would give Alex my car. Why can't I just suck it up and move on?"

The is a soft hum against his chest, then a thumb - her thumb - stroking his jawline in a comforting repetitive motion. "Because you're allowed to feel, Logan. You're allowed to hurt. What you're not allowed to do is let this break you. You've spent all winter training, working, practicing, and building your confidence to let this one thing destroy that. If you need to scream, if you need to punch something - then fine." It takes a second to register that she's also crying. "Just don't try to leave us again... please."

"I'm not leaving. Not when I have you two here. Not when I still have people to prove wrong."

He can hear the smirk on Oscar's voice despite not being in the best position to confirm it. "Good, because I need you to record the engineers and James for me. And we would miss your pretty face, but you already know that."

They stay there until the sun goes down. Just breathing, being in the moment. Their phones off so nobody can bother them.

Until a knock on the door has Oscar moving. The other two groan at the loss, but are happy at the discovery of food.

"When did you order room service?"

"While you two were asleep."

Logan must have really been out of it given he had no idea he was asleep. The smell of food makes his mouth water, he hadn't eaten since the morning.

More then that - Oscar is indulging in his comfort food. "I figured you could use a cheat day after this."

"I should have bad days more often if it means you'll get me food." It's a half hearted laugh mixed with a grimace.

"No, you can have this whenever you want. Don't need to wait for the bad days to do something nice for yourself." The, still half asleep, female who is refusing to detach from him, says into his shoulder.

It's not like he can stop himself from feeling the whirlwind of emotions, but he has people to ground him.

Because the bad days come, but it makes the good days even better.

[stuckonmain]

2012 Raph x reader Incorrect Quotes

Uhm...mostly, that is. There's a few that are just random TMNT 2012 incorrect quotes. This was very fun for me. Might do it again sometime if the mood strikes.

***

(Y/N), skipping rocks on a lake with Raph: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Raph: Yeah, it is.

Raph: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.

***

(Y/N): Why does Leo always do the laundry so loudly?

Raph: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.

Leo, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

***

Raph: You’re giving me a sticker?

Mikey: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Raph: I’m not a preschooler.

Mikey: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Raph: I earned this, back off.

***

Raph: Why am I always the bad guy?

(Y/N): Well, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

***

(Y/N): Is Raph always like this when they lose?

Mikey: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the fabled 'Great Jenga Tantrum'.

Raph: yOU BUMPED THAT TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT!

***

(Y/N): Hey, wanna help me commit arson?

Leo: What the hell!?

(Y/N): Oh, sorry, my bad.

(Y/N), whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?

Leo, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

***

Casey: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?

Raph: Not again...

Casey: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.

(Y/N): Just wait until you hear about whales.

Casey: What now?

***

Casey on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.

Casey on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

***

(Y/N): When I met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Raph: What changed your mind?

(Y/N): Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

***

Leo: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Raph, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.

(Y/N), who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Raph: Coming right up.

***

Casey: It’s funny how well you and Raph get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?

(Y/N): Raph hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

***

Casey: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Donnie: No, that's not how you make cookies.

(Y/N): FLOOR IT!!

Casey: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?

Donnie: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-

Casey: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Raph: DO IT!

Donnie: NO-

***

Raph: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

(Y/N): What the hell do you do?

Raph: I die? What kinda question…

***

(Y/N): I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Raph: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

(Y/N): You don’t have to wear…

Raph: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

***

Raph: *sneaking in through their window*

Leo: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Raph: I was with (Y/N)?

(Y/N): *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

***

Raph, at (Y/N)'s funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone: Of course. *They leave*

Raph, leaning over (Y/N)′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

(Y/N): Yeah, no shit.

***

Raph: (Y/N), I don't like you.

(Y/N): What did you say?

Raph: You heard me!

(Y/N), internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

***

*(Y/N) sneezes*

Raph: (Y/N), are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*Donnie sneezes*

Raph: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

***

(Y/N): Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Raph: ...So...as enemies??

(Y/N):

***

Raph: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

(Y/N): It was me...

Raph: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

***

Kidnapper: I have your partner.

(Y/N): What? I don't have a partner...

Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?

(Y/N): Oh my god, you have Raph.

***

Raph: I want to kiss you.

(Y/N), not paying attention: What?

Raph: I said if you die, I won't miss you.

***

*(Y/N) is crying after a breakup*

Raph: There there, (Y/N).

(Y/N), still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?

Raph: Great question—

***

Raph: *yawns*

(Y/N): Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Raph: Then you must be exhausted.

Leo: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

***

Raph: Watcha doin?

(Y/N): Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Raph: Scandalous.

Raph: Can I help?

***

(Y/N): Come on, Leo. Nobody actually believes that Raph is in love with me.

Leo, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Raph is helplessly in love with (Y/N).

*Everyone raises their hand*

(Y/N): Raph, put your hand down.

***

(Y/N): Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Raph: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

(Y/N): Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Leo, on a walkie talkie: This is Leo, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

***

Mikey: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Raph: Screw that, I’m not kissing anyone.

*(Y/N) walks in*

Raph: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

***

Raph: If you want my advice-

Donnie: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

Raph: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.

(Y/N): It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

***

Casey: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Raph: Throw rocks at he.

Mikey: Hot Dogs.

(Y/N): Kill him.

Casey: Thanks guys.

***

Leo: Why do you look like that?

Raph, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Leo: Like you’re dead.

Raph: It’s because I’m dying. Fuck off.

Casey: Raph accidentally called (Y/N) “babe” in front of everyone today.

Raph: *sobs into the floor*

***

(Y/N): I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Raph: Um...Neat.

*later*

Raph, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," Donnie. Who the fuck says neat these days? 

It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Donnie, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Raph. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Casey confessed their love for me?

Raph: Didn't you thank them?

Donnie: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked them.

***

(Y/N): How would you like your coffee?

Raph: As dark as my soul.

(Y/N): Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

***

(Y/N): Raph, I need some advice.

Raph: You need advice from ME?

(Y/N): Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

***

(Y/N): *sighs* I have no friends...

Raph:

Raph: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

***

Leo: You need to stop swearing so much.

Raph: Shut the fuck up.

Leo: Yeah, that's not how you do it.

Raph: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.

Leo: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.

Raph: Shit the beep up.

Leo:

Raph: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

***

Raph: *is throwing stones at (Y/N)'s window*

(Y/N): You have a phone for a reason, Raph!

*THUD*

(Y/N): DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

[tsuy4n]

Gonna make for all the brothers, thus, it's big Raph turn. (I couldn't find or think of the right dynamic name so I'll let ya all decide on this one!)

[Leo] [Donnie] >Raph< [Mikey]

[Y/n]: You have no idea what I'm capable of!

Raph: Don't take it personally but I feel like I'm being threatened by a cupcake.

—

Raph: How can someone say [Y/n] is evil?? They're the most precious little soul.

[Y/n]: *in the middle of planning a detailed plan to commit arson in their mind* Yeah, I'm adorable!

—

[Y/n]: Who the actual fuck–

Raph: Language!

[Y/n]: Whomst the actual sexual intercourse–

Raph: What.

—

[Y/n], literally to anyone: Fight me!

Raph: *In the distance* Lay one hand on them and you'll never see the day of light ever again.

—

*At Albearto's*

[Y/n]: Remember kids! Be yourself, stay healthy, commit arson, steal from the government, and eat the rich-

April: *pushes them where Raph and the others are hiding at* Okay, that's enough.

—

[Y/n]: If I leave my ass hanging off of the bed, will a demon eat it?

Raph: Please stop talking.

—

Raph: Alright, what do we say when we're anxious?

Donnie: My anxiety is chronic,

[Y/n]: But my ass is iconic.

Raph: nO-

—

[Y/n]: *wakes up from a power nap and sees Raph smiling at them* Did I die? Am I in heaven?

Leo and Donnie: *walks in and is arguing*

[Y/n]: We're in hell.

—

[Y/n]: When I was small–

Raph: *snorts* "was"

[Y/n]: *murderous gaze*

Raph: *coughs then smiles sheepishly* Sorry, continue?

—

[Y/n], is just a year older: *trying to convince Raph to do something that'll definitely get them in jail* I've been your age, you've never been mine. Pay attention.

Raph: I've been your height, you've never been mine, you pay attention.

[Y/n]:

—

[Y/n]: *under their breath* Future husband say what.

Raph: What?

[Y/n]: *screeches internally*

—

[Y/n]: Pfft, there's no way Raph actually likes me! Haha, you guys are funny.

Leo: *holding in a laugh* Yes he does.

Donnie: *monotonously* Yes he does.

Mikey: *smiling brightly* Yes he does!

Raph: Yes I do.

—

[Y/n], angrily: You wanna fight? You wanna catch these hands?

Raph:

Raph: *Holds [Y/n]'s little fists*

[Y/n]: Okay, I'm calm now.

—

Leo: Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Raph: *unamused* Because their hands are too sh–

[Y/n]: *smiling creepily* Because they're all dead.

Leo:

Raph:

—

Raph: DON'T BE SORRY! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ANGEL! YOU TRIED TO HELP ME WHICH IS A SWEET MOVE!

[Y/n]: You're yelling nice things at me again and it's very confusing!

—

Mikey: *walks in, visibly confused* Why is [Y/n] on a child leash???

Raph: They've had 5 redbulls and coffee with 10 espresso shots in less than 1 hour. This a precaution. I am not taking any chances right now.

[Y/n]: *visibly vibrating out of their skin* I CaN heAr CoLoRs. CaN yOu tAsTe ThE rAiNbOw?

—

Donnie: Sit down!

[Y/n]: Nobody tells me what to do.

Raph: Sit down.

[Y/n]: *sits down immediately and smiles cutely at Raph*

—

Raph: You need to stop doing weird things. Try going out sometime.

[Y/n]: I went to the park today.

Raph: There you go, I hope you got something from that.

[Y/n]: *opens jacket* Yeah, this squirrel.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

@sm-baby

I COULD BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW BUT MY HEART ACHES

[JUST FOR YOU]

It's been a while, hasn't it?

The office door creaks open

"Heya Pom! Brought back the paper i asked you yesterday?" Jax sounded so cheery. So happy while you just sat there on the chair like a drunkard... Well he's not a romance guy, of course he would be happy on his own. Damn rabbit.

"Not a word? What, still miss Sir Dentures?" He chuckles. He doesn't stop chuckling. What a clown... Thinks the jester. Ironic.

"Hm..."

His smile fades into a sincere frown.

Sigh

"Look here, Pom... It was necessary. He's free, paid for restoring us, we're all good now. No more murder and i got my nice charming scarf back and my favorite brushes, i'm the cool art teacher again!"

"So turn the dumb frown upside down aaaand please give me the paper i asked you? Please and thank you?"

"You're not a romance guy, of course you're fine. [___]hole..."

...

Oh...

"Oh for the love of- the censor is still here?! God darn it, i wanna say the f word for once! I loved doing that!"

You grip onto the table until it began to crack at the memory of him. Him, him, him. That stupid fucking human.

"Pom you may wanna lay off the grip there, i paid a lot for tha-"

A chunk is crushed. Like paper.

...

"Ah..."

Pomni lets go, revealing the chokehold put on the table left a permanent mark.

"Did ya dissociate again? I spoke well 'n clear, i paid a lot for that one!"

"Suck me, rabbit, you can get your s[__]t yourself" Pomni gets up and storms off from the office with no more words.

"Eh... Christ she's not okay..." Jax sighs

"Wonder if things coulda been better?"

Nobody helps at all.

Gangle offered to distract her, have a play, but Pomni wasn't in the mood.

Zooble offered a smoke but she didn't wanna try that kind of stuff.

Bubble is too much of an agent of chaos to give a shit, offered to commit "one (1) arson".

Kinger is just too far gone in his dementia, lucid when it was fucking funny and nothing more...

Nobody helps.

He knew how to help...

Only he knew...

Him...

The door to Ragatha's room creaks open

"Oh hey Pomni! How's your day go... Oh..." Ragatha notices Pomni is not any form of happy, if anything she looks like she's empty inside and wants to die...

"Oh you're not alright... Would you like to talk over tea..?"

"Mm... Will you let me vent properly?" Pomni groaned, still doubting that she won't pull out the whole everything is fine bullshit

"Oh- u-uhm- yes of- of course! Of course, i- i apologize for my past behavior, i really wasn't in my... B- best moments, at the time..." Ragatha stuttered. Don't stutter, you pretentious... ... Anyhow.

"Okay... Do you remember... Caine?" Ragatha already caught wind of the situation...

"The human with the dentures head? Yes, i remember him just fine, he restored us..."

"Yeah..."

"He was a good man, although didn't have the best manners he was alright nonetheless, knew how to make some laugh..." Ragatha and Pomni chuckled at the memory of Caine's wacky way with words. Jumping jellybeans? Seriously? That's a man right there!

A good dude...

"..." Pomni's pupils turned into black scribbles at the thought of him. The chuckling had faded as soon as it started, replaced by...

"I loved that human, if i'm being honest... He knew how to cheer me up, how to make the situation seem less bigger than it actually is... He knew how to kiss, god did he know..." Ragatha let out an "oh my" after hearing Caine kissed her, what else did they do..?!

"He... He was... He's amazing. Just that, amazing..." Pomni sighed, sipping on the tea she's given... "I loved him..." She began to sniff, putting down her cup.

"Oh dearie, come here-" Ragatha put down her cup and welcomed Pomni with open arms, knowing full well she needed to let it out of her system.

And that she did. Pomni got up and hugged Ragatha as tight as she could, and began to sob her lonely heart away, "He loved you too, Pomni, that cannot be denied..." Ragatha spoke as she held Pomni close. The poor jester, so alone...

How ironic.

She has friends, and yet she's lonely.

Caine had filled up a hole nobody could fill, and now that he's gotten out of the game after restoring everyone to their better conditions... That hole is empty once more, a gaping void and nothing to fill it.

How lonely this jester must be...

But it was necessary. He's free now.

[squircatlies]

Here's some notes I've compiled for trans people seeking to become fear avatars:

-the flesh- classic, we all know what's going on there, body image issues, additional limbs, twisted bones, general body horror, a lot of toxic masculinity and way too many gym bros in the space. Very popular with trans people in the fandom, because it's relatable but for me it's mid at best. 5/10

-the corruption- you can transition into a cool bug of your choice or a hive and noone could tell you shit about using they/them pronouns, very accepting community, but there's no place for privacy or personal space. 7/10

-the beholding- somehow I doubt the Magnus Institute's insurance policy covers gender affirming care, but maybe you could get someone else to pay for your transition via blackmail or sugarbabying, don't be surprised if your scars open to reveal eyes though, I think body hopping via eyeball exchange is only for Jonah, but maybe you could figure it out. 6/10

-the lonely- not gonna do much for you, unless you wanna transition into mist, also you easily cut off all the bigots from your life and send anyone who tries to mess with you into the fog realm, but it's gonna be really difficult for you to get a solid support network. 4/10

-the dark- go ahead and disappear from your old life if you want to, noone's gonna find you even if they try, you could also dabble in body hopping via black goo, the religious aspect might not be everyone's vibe though. 6/10

-the end- fake your death and live your best life, you could also shed your mortal vessel or perhaps become a skeleton, no notes. 9/10

-the web- if you want to transition into a spider this one's for you, very specific, but better than corruption imo, also web binder/tucktape anyone? 8/10

-the hunt- you might transition into a werewolf, very badass, be careful not to transition into a cop though. 5/10

-the stranger- literally just steal any face you want, frankenstein your perfect skin, it's that easy. 10/10

-the slaughter- there's no place for gender in war, sorry but you're getting ptsd, not hrt. 0/10

-the desolation- you get to sculpt yourself into any shape you want, kinda like the flesh, but without all the baggage, it's gonna hurt like hell, but you'll get used to it, be trans, commit arson. 9/10

-the spiral- your gender is literally unknowable, also you might become a maze-like structure or it may become you, if you ever felt gender envy while looking at a door, this one is for you. 7/10

-the burried- if you ever slept in a binder get in the coffin, I don't make the rules. It does give you a feeling of safety and cool dinosaur fossils, so why hide in the closet when you can hide underground? 3/10

-the vast- not a lot in terms of gender affirming care, unless you get gender envy from like space or something, but you get to fly, live really long and feed your enemies to the sky. 2/10

-the extinction- noone can question your gender if everyone is dead, I guess. But also there's trash everywhere. 1/10

[archdevilsupreme]

Fellow arsonists and dearest onlookers,

THIS is the reminder you needed to maybe, just maybe, remember some idiot dragging along Cazador's corpse all around Baldur's Gate (for like most of Act 3, as I kinda ran into this palace at level 9 like a fucking idiot not knowing where tf I am until I thought, oh just fuck it and go through with it now (I did die a lot...)

I would like to present the "Bag Of Death- Shenanigans" to you!

These determined adventurers swore themselves to be as fucking ✨dramatic✨ as possible.

So they started putting every corpse of their enemies in a backpack. Which they then put into their camp chest. While they do often fight about who is a worse influence on the other, they can agree on being insufferable as a team thus I need you to imagine Mazikeen (my Tav) arranging this pile of corpses while Lord Fangs is just standing by complimenting her on the creative display and giving signature sass. He's not helping. Of course he's not. Why should he, his job is to make this shit burn. He's also 15 points behind on strength compared to her. I love the thought of her moving and carrying stuff for his majesty, Lord Fangs.

But anyway.... I'm straying...

Their teammates hate them & their bullshittery, all these two wanna do is commit arson all the fucking time. You thought Karlach is starting fires? Nuh uh, it's this hellfire duo, they're just little devils, all mischief, all mayhem- all the time. I love them for this. (Tbh we all know it's just me, I'm Fãerun's most pathetic revenge seeking arsonist.)

Also Astarion very much deserved to igni the fuck out of this pile (what a weird way to spell Cazador).

Thank you for your attention, here's to having fun with fire!

[emeraldart]

I got bored so woe, incorrect quotes be upon ye (some Michael x Charlie, CC is named Cassidy)

long post ahead

Michael: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up. Charlie: Oh no. Michael: More like "oh yes!"

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Michael: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk? Elizabeth: It's Charlie's turn. Charlie: Don't die. Elizabeth, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.

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Michael: Kill me nowwwww. Charlie: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

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Elizabeth: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Charlie: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

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Cassidy: You know, people treat me like a god. Michael: How? Cassidy: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

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Charlie: Fight me! Michael: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Michael: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

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Michael: Well, remember when Charlie made a romantic dinner for me? Cassidy: Michael, they microwaved you a pizza.

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Cassidy: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Elizabeth: But did I make you cry? Cassidy: cries on the spot Elizabeth: …Shit.

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Elizabeth: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Michael: What the hell!? Elizabeth: Oh, sorry, my bad. Elizabeth, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Michael, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

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Charlie: Michael, we need that! Michael, holding Elizabeth over a trash can: Nope. Charlie: Gimme it— Michael: It’s garbage.

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Cassidy: we could make a boys club! Charlie: Im non-binary. Cassidy: Cassidy: Anti-girls club.

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Elizabeth: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Michael? Michael: Cassidy, easily. Cassidy, laughing: What the fuck, man. Michael: Well, Charlie would be too easy. They’d probably be into it. Charlie, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

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Michael: banging a pen on the table out of frustration Charlie: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table? Michael: I— Michael: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

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Michael: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it. Elizabeth: …I was hungry.

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Elizabeth: Did you win? Or just not die? Elizabeth: Either way, hooray. Michael: …Is "no" a valid answer? Elizabeth: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

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Elizabeth: Cassidy! I thought you were dead! Cassidy: No, just in deep cover. Elizabeth: …But it was an open casket. Cassidy: It was very deep.

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Elizabeth: Go ahead, Michael. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry. Cassidy: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

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Charlie: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Michael: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

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At a speed dating event Michael: Oh wow, people are really shallow. Charlie: Consider it a background check. For example: Do you have a death certificate? Michael: Checks their pulse Sorry, not yet. Charlie: Good, I'm not fucking a ghost again.

————

Cassidy: ARE YOU- Michael: Fucking. Cassidy: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Michael: Fucking. Cassidy: IDIOT! Elizabeth: …What was that? Michael: Charlie banned Cassidy from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

[alornights]

hello! if your requests are open i’d like to req mysterion x fem!villain!reader (aka shes on Prof. Chaos’ side :D) and she’s always dressing up as mysterion just to fuck around and do weird shit pretending to be him for shits n gigs!! ^^

headcanons r great if you wanna do that but if you wanna do a fic u can! (if you wanna make this nsfw age him up pleas 🙏😨)

⟢ just like you.

➜ in which ! you dress as mysterion for shits and giggles.

💌 ﹫mysterion aka, kenny mccormick.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗bit of violent descriptions.

🍓 ⟡ notes — we love a good villain!! i dont do nsfw lmao so no worries on that part, but i do hope you enjoy this lil headcanon/fic thing <3

it actually wasn't your idea to dress up as mysterion rather it was butters who overheard the guys talking while he was in the jail cell on how if you wore a mysterion costume, he'd flip out.

oh how fun it was to dress up as him.

barely anyone could tell it wasn't him unless they got a close-up of you. so obviously, as a villain, you do some rather, reckless things. like robbery. and arson. and a tad bit of demon summoning.

so when the mysterious man wakes up and checks the news to see all the allegations about him and sees you instead.

he goes nuts.

"What the FUCK, is wrong with you?!" He sneered, kicking you to a wall, letting your body sag as you coughed a bit. "Do you know how much shit I've had to deal with because of you?"

Despite the pain you may be in, you smile back. "Aw shucks, did little ole me get you into that much trouble?"

He stares at you in disbelief before dropping down to where you sat. "You summoned a bunch of demons. What do you think?"

"I think I looked hot doing it." You simply responded, cupping his cheek with a wink. "You agree don't you mystery man?"

no he does not find you hot. he finds you extremely beautiful.

if it weren't for the fact that you were a villain and had committed so many crimes he totally would not be kissing you right now.

"Don't get your hopes up." He responded plainly holding out his hand to help you stand up.

"Uh huh sure." You responded with a knowing tone before turning around, "I'll see you tomorrow for another fun night, cya!"

no, he did not let you go because he has fun chasing you down and fighting you. no, he did not let you go because without you his life would most certainly not be less boring.

does he regret letting you go though? absolutely.

two days later he wakes up to see that all over twitter there are pictures of "him" drawing penises everywhere, giving people sign-up sheets to join professor chaos, and hanging around + helping racoon man summon a bunch of dead people to be your minions.

is later forced to do a press meeting with the freedom pals explaining to the public that no, that is not him.

"You can not keep getting away with his."

"But you let me because you love me."

"I do not."

You raised an eyebrow holding out your hands. "Okay, then arrest me, hero. Since you do not love me and instead, hate me."

He stares at you blankly as you smiled cockily. "You suck."

You laughed loudly walking up to him, slinging your arms around his neck, and pressing your bodies together. "Sure sure, you suck too."

He groaned turning away as you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Life would just be too boring without you.

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt. 3 because I have no life :] (the link I used to generate these)

*obligatory "none of the shipping quotes are me actually shipping them"

AJ: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. AJ: Fruits that do live up to their names? AJ: Orange.

Sam: Yo dumbass, get over here. AJ: Okay- Luke: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming! AJ, sadly: I thought...I was dumbass...

Sam: Do you take constructive criticism? Tom: Not without crying.

Tom: Luke, take out the trash. Luke: Sure. Sam, will you go out on a date with me? Luke: *seductively takes off glasses* Luke: Wow... Sam: *blushes* Haha...what? Luke: You're really fucking blurry. AJ: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us. Tom: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this: Tom: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately." Tom: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Tom: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Tom: I also want to softhack his circuits. Luke: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again. Tom: Here is my wall of inspirational people. AJ: Is that a picture of you? Tom: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tom: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins? Luke: Can't relate. AJ: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins? Sam: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Tom: What the hell!? Sam: Oh, sorry, my bad. Sam, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Tom, whispering: Of course. What do you need? Luke: I’m scared that when you become rich and famous you’ll be embarrassed by me. Tom: Oh Luke, I’m already embarrassed by you.

Luke: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Luke is such a nice person, Luke is so happy-go-lucky! Luke can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Luke CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Luke IS be in a bad mood. Luke: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable...and also assault with a deadly weapon. Tom, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK?? Tom, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW! AJ: Not to brag, but I can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying. Tom: I feel like I can be myself around you. AJ: You’re weird and quiet around me. Tom: Yes. AJ: *Reading a letter* Tom: Well, what does it say? AJ: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Sam killed my pet rock. Luke: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting. That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

AJ: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Tom finally snaps and commits murder? Luke: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him. Sam: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Tom: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Sam: Seize the dick.

Luke: Watcha doin? Sam: Stealing my neighbour’s cat. Luke: Scandalous. Luke: Can I help?

AJ: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Sam: ...What??? Tom with a gun to Luke's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Luke: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Tom, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots. Luke, in line behind him: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

Luke: I’m this close to falling in love with Sam. Tom: Your fingertips are touching. Luke: Exactly.

Tom: You believe me? Luke: Tom, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

AJ: My head hurts. Sam: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity. Tom: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress. Tom: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed.

AJ: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Tom! Sam: How petty can you get? Luke: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about. Tom: I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration. Luke: Are you okay? AJ: Did you actually just ask him that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know? AJ: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair* Luke: So, you’ve finally arrived- Luke: Here to save prince- Luke: I’ve been waiting for this day- Luke: Stop skipping my dialogue- Luke: Seriously, stop- Luke: MOTHER FU- Tom: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone. Luke: And I need you to be less vague and weird. Tom: Things will get better! The Squad: Tom: Okay, maybe they won’t. Tom: But they will be terrible in new and interesting ways!

Tom: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie* Sam: You can't just skip to the happy ending! Tom: I don't have time for their problems. Luke: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Sam: Tom annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow. AJ: There is nothing special about tomorrow. Sam: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over. Tom: You know, Sam, when you generalize, you tell general...lies. Sam: ... Sam: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns. Luke: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Luke: Hey guys, what are your favorite kinds of pudding? Tom: Pudding deez nuts in your mouth? Is that what you were about to say? Do you gain joy from tricking your innocent cohorts? What if I actually wanted to tell you about my favorite pudding?

[n3onstarss]

2012 TMNT boys x wolf mutant reader

Type; headcanon

romantic or platonic?; platonic to romantic

type of reader; GN wolf mutant

Leonardo

You CANNOT tell me he didn't have a wolf phase as a kid

He has facts stored in the back of his brain you didn't think he'd know honestly, and he asks you if every one is true or if you follow this specific behavior pattern

i mean, he doesn't ask immediately cause he doesn't wanna put you off, but once you two are more comfortable he opens up more and the questions roll out

I'm pretty sure he's asked more questions then Donnie ever has

Immediately decides 'thats my best friend' the INSTANT you prove you're not trying to hurt anyone

who cares that you were breaking and entering into a mall late at night, you were probably just shopping anyways

surprisingly okay with commiting crimes with you, on accident or on purpose

arson? YES. murder? less of a yes, not off the table when it comes to the foot clan. Graffiti? if you want to, go ahead

still a strict leader and overprotective mother hen to his brothers and sisters

but you're not a brother or sister so you're chill

never outright asks for anything from you, you just gotta guess

piggyback rides? sure, if you want. help this stubborn, short turtle get something off the high shelf? if you insist. sparing in the dojo and teaching each other moves? YES PLE- well, if you're sure you want to

denies everything his brothers claim

one time Raph told Karai y'all were dating on one of her visits and Leo denied it so fast. luckily you weren't there, he already felt bad for how quick he'd denied it

if you're poly, it's either you and Casey or you and April for him, and he doesn't want anybody else

wants to be big spoon, smaller spoon by majority vote. secretly enjoys it, but won't admit it readily

Will eventually just start climbing in your lap or sitting between your legs whenever he can. he likes when you're even taller than him then usual and it makes him feel small and safe

like, if you're meditating or reading or something and sitting crosslegged then BAM, here's Leo climbing up and leaning into you

Raphael

Eugh boy, 'kay

he ALSO had a wolf phase, but more of a werewolf phase in specific

like, old horror movies, teen wolf, tricking his brothers into thinking a werewolf lived in the sewers, the works

When they find you, wandering NY looking for help and confused when people run away, he feels kinda bad

he knows how it feels to be alienated and hates seeing anyone else experience it

y'all are fast friends, being fast, deadly and violent together is perfect

you're actually invited to missions really quickly since you, Raph and Casey are such a good team

no home to go back to? no problem. motherfucker helps set you up wherever you want to be

roomies? a park? the woods? cryptid along the highways? an abandoned apartment? the docks? farther into the sewers? whatever you need and wherever you want to live, he'll help

if y'all get together romantically, he won't believe he deserves you for a bit

if you're polyam with either Mona or Casey or both, the feeling is worse in the best way

how did this angry little turtle score a wolf, a salamandarian and/or a human?? he doesn't know

LITTLE. SPOON.

refuses to admit it to anyone, but he MUST be little spoon somehow. face to face, spooning properly, laying on top of you, sitting between your legs on the floor during movie nights, he needs you as a shield, it's the only time he can let his guard down

if you're poly, he needs to be sandwiched at all costs and will do his best to wiggle in where there's room

Is super clingy, pretends he's not. calls you the whole way home every single night and will end up just popping over to yours for sleepovers if he can't sleep with a little paper note on the table

once he decides your Chompy's other parent there's no going back from that

Donatello

OH, OKAY HERE WE GO

meets you the same way as either Raph or Mikey, your choice

if Mikey, throws a wrench instead of an iPod-

knows quite a bit about wolves and mutation both. not from phases, just research

almost immediately starts lecturing to no one in particular about wolf traits, diets, behaviors and other such info until Raph hits him over the head or everyone wanders off

everyone except you, that is.

friendship is immediate and he can't believe he finally met a mutant who isn't family and isn't out to kill them!

after you start showing interest in his work, he's head over heels for you, he falls faster but you fall harder

loves trying to make your tail wag even before y'all get together

little compliments, small practical gifts like coffee or a weapon

eventually it progresses to you always sitting near him so he can pet you! he uses it as a stim and it calms any anxiety you have, win win! plus, it's almost the same as having your hair brushed and/or braided as a kid

if you're poly it's, once again, with April or Casey, or both even

doesn't have a specific cuddle spot since some days he's touch adverse and others he's not, will just get comfy and pass out wether it's bedtime and your asleep or not

PLEASE PLEASE CARRY HIM HOME FROM MISSIONS

if you carry him home, princess style or piggy back or whatever, he'll blush like a tomato and, eventually, doze off

tends to overwork himself, you're gonna have to physically drag him away from his work with the lure of cuddles and kisses or just straight up grabbing him and walking away (if he's at a good stopping point, be nice about it :p)

no home to go back to? new roomie! or if you lived on your own he just makes sure you're safe there, either way you prefer it

can and will set up a mini lab in your apartment/house for "emergencies" but really it's so he has an excuse to come over and stay over longer, he may not look the part but he is CLINGY

Michelangelo

meets you not dissimilar to Leatherhead

you ended up wandering the sewers to get away from the people on the streets, and somehow wound up at the entrance to the lair

he was just dancing around but when he opened his eyes there was some glowing eyes in the shadows and he kinda panicked and threw his iPod at you lmao

Bonk

new friend instantly, introduces you to ICK and the fam

probably the only one out of his brothers with no clue about wolves, just assumes anything you do is normal for the longest time

cuddles even before romance, he is a physical touch person! will hang off your arm or neck like a little kid or just constantly be touching you

baking partners! you always need to shower at a local warehouses chem shower after because flour fights are inevitable and it gets stuck to your fur easily

French braids all day baybe!! will even steal a wig so you can style his hair back

if you're poly it's either Casey, Mondo or Renet

must be big spoon, surprisingly. doesn't like being babied for a while but eventually just gets comfy in whatever cuddle position he feels like and passes out for the next 3 hours

will ask you to carry him around from the get go, no shame or shyness

once y'all get together it's even more clingyness and now kisses added in too

tries to teach you to skateboard, but you end up rollerblading across the rooftops instead! loves just being near you when he can

Will straight up walk through Times Square or Central Park with you when it's really late. pretends y'all are furries or cosplayers and keeps moving

DANCE PARTIES

[yaboirezzy]

I saw @thepixarau's idea of all the classic pixar films' characters together. And it's so good that I had to steal it make my own version

Helen: DASH!

Dash, standing next to her: What? I didn't do anything, I've been with you all day!

Helen: Sorry, force of habit. LIGHTNING!

McQueen, covered in dirt and mud along with Mater: I was out tippin' with Mater!

Helen: Oh sorry nevermind. MIKE!

Sulley, who just entered with Mike: He was with me at our company meeting

Carl: Then who broke a giant hole in the kitchen?

Buzz, who tried to cook something on his own:

————————————————

Arlo: Say, does anyone know how to deal with haters?

Merida: Fight them to the death!

Mei: Leak their IP address!

Ember: Commit arson to their home

Ian: NONE OF THAT!! Just come up with a counter argument or ignore them for Luxo's sake!

————————————————

Remy: Alright, infiltration mission with: Buzz, Mike, Lightning, Dory, Dash, Russell, Joy, Mei and Wade is on the go!

Marlin: Uh, don't wanna alarm you but those nine all share one braincell together

Woody, facepalming: So we basically sent someone on a solo mission

————————————————

Carl: What in the world is this "susus amongus" thing you kids nowadays are talking about?

Russell, Dash, and Mei: *stands up, clap their hands together, inhales*

Miguel, Violet, and Ian: Please don't guys/DO NOT/Not again-

Barley, barging in: YO FORTNITE JUST DROPPED A NEW UPDATE!

——————————————���—

Remy: DID YOU JUST EAT THE WAX FROM BABYBEL CHEESE???

Alberto: *vomiting into the sink* I THOUGHT IT WAS EDIBLE

Atta: Good morning to everybody except these two apparently

————————————————

Mike: May luck (and this picture of Boo and Spot fighting for shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with us

————————————————

Joe: Do you think we'll ever get our own "Many Years of Pixar" Anniversary someday?

Ember: With the way we are? I fear and wish for mercy upon everyone involved on that day

Joe:

Joe: You know what fair enough

(Again credit for the idea goes to @thepixarau)

[rozcdust]

Mockingbird

Pairing: Shinichiro Sano x F!Reader

Genre: Crack, fluff, lil angst

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: Canon divergent, OOC, profanity, domestic abuse, bodily harm, gang violence, dehumanisation, mentions of gore, Tora and Baji committing arson, casual misogyny, y/n genuinely tries to be a good parental figure

You were born rotten, but he had a chance.

pt. 1 | previous | playlist

“I’m going out, see ya!” Kissing your cheek, Kazutora ran to the door before you could even look up, clearly in a hurry to get away.

That could mean only one thing.

“Little man.” Your eyes narrowed, arms on your hips as you observed your brother trying to sneak out before you could stop him, his shoes in his hands and a sheepish smile on his face as he turned to look at you, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yes, y/n?” Batting his eyelashes with a pleading puppy look in his eyes, he tilted his head, feigning ignorance as if he doesn’t know why you were mad at him.

Cheater.

He knew you were weak, and he wielded that fact around like a fucking sword.

Who knew something so adorable could be such a menace at 11?

“Come here.”

Sighing, he came up to the kitchen table where you were seated, and with a frown, you carded your hand through his hair, messing it up.

As expected.

“Kazutora, baby, your hair is still wet,” Narrowing your eyes, you crossed your hands over your chest, “What did we say about going outside with your hair wet?”

“That I’ll get sick.” He sighed once again, shuffling his feet.

“And what happens when you get sick?”

“Everything hurts and I’m miserable.”

“Precisely. And what do I get to do then?”

“Laugh and say you told me so before getting stressed?”

You glared for just a moment, before sighing, taking your gloves off and leaving the fake skin you were practising on at the table.

“…Correct but that last part didn’t have to be said. Why didn’t you dry it properly? You can’t go outside like that babe, you’ll freeze!”

“I like it better when you dry it for me, I always accidentally tug on it when I brush it and didn’t wanna bother you.”

“You’re never a bother, Tora. There, sit, I’ll get the hairdryer and brush.”

Perking up, he sat down on the couch, waiting for you.

He was turning out into such a momma’s boy, and you weren’t sure you actually minded, considering how skittish you were at that age, you’re glad he didn’t have a problem with being affectionate or asking you for help.

Coming out of the bathroom and plugging the hairdryer in, you started brushing his hair, carefully, so you don’t accidentally hurt him.

It was getting a touch too long, sometimes covering his eyes, but you weren’t gonna tell him that, you considered it none of your business to tell him what the fuck to do with his own hair when he could make that decision for himself.

If he’ll need glasses in the future because of it, however, you considered it your full right to mock him.

“Tell me if it’s too hot, okay?” Glancing at his eyes, he nodded, smiling, and you went ahead, fingers carefully carding and passing through his hair to dry it fully.

He got sick as Mother Earth a couple of months ago, leading to multiple miserable days for him and countless sleepless nights for you, and you doubt either of you wanted to repeat that particular experience.

Deeming his hair dry enough, you turned the hairdryer off, setting it on the couch next to him before brushing out any new knots that formed, and then ruffling his hair again basically on instinct, messing up all of your work.

He fixed it with a pout.

“There, done. Which friends are you going out with?”

“Keisuke. I think he’ll soon be here, he said he’ll pick me up.”

“Ah,” You nodded as you followed him to the door, helping him put his jacket on, “When do you plan to get back?”

You had nothing against the little arsonist, if anything, you heavily preferred him to Kazutora’s past, far shittier friends, even if Keisuke and Kazutora both did give you a heart attack a couple of months ago when they met, with Kazutora coming home beat up and smelling of smoke at 4 a.m.

And with a new piercing, but you decided that was the least of your concerns at the time.

Both of the boys got an earful from you as soon as you finished crushing Kazutora halfway to death, before you invited Keisuke in for some food, deciding both the boys were probably hungry after committing several charges of property damage and arson.

You had no right to forbid them from it, however, as you’ve done far worse.

The doorbell rang, and Kazutora went to open it, a giant grin on his face when he saw Keisuke standing on the other side, a similar grin on his own face.

As much as you adored the fanged boy and his mother both, you became fast friends with the woman as she was young herself and worried over Tora as much as she did over her own son, Keisuke had one, rather persistent flaw.

“Hi, Tora! Hi, Tora’s mum!”

Sighing as you pinched your nose bridge, you gave the boy a hard glare.

“For the last time, Keisuke, I’m not-“

“Bye bye y/n!” Kazutora interrupted you, giving you a quick hug and a kiss before dashing off, slamming the doors behind him.

Those two will be the fucking death of you.

At least they were adorable.

“Shin?” Takeomi snapped his fingers in Shin’s face, ineffectively, “Shin?”

“I think he’s glitching.” Wakasa leaned down to glance at his face, an eyebrow raised.

“Shinichiro?” Takeomi snapped his fingers again.

Still no response.

Wakasa sighed, and in one quick motion, he woke Shinichiro from his daydream with a slap.

That did the trick.

“WHAT?! WHAT!” Shinichiro looked around, bewildered, finding three pairs of questioning eyes pointed back at him.

“Where the fuck did you just go?”

Shinichiro sighed, the breath leaving his lungs sounding like one God only reserved for the lovesick and idiots.

Or in Shinichiro’s case, both.

“She’s so pretty.” He slid back into his chair, his chin meeting the elbows of his crossed hands on the table, a small picture of a grinning girl held between his thumb and pointer like a prize.

“And she could kill you,” Benkai snatched the picture from his hands, ignoring Shinichiro’s protests as one hand held the photo, the other holding Shinichiro’s face to prevent him from snatching it back, “She is cute, though.”

“Yay, rejection number 21.” Wakasa groaned, plopping back into his chair, the cigarette between his lips unlit.

Takeomi glared at Shinichiro, clicking his tongue with impatience.

“She’s Dead Snake’s second in command, Shinichiro, and they’ve been trespassing on our turf more and more. You can’t be thirsting after her right now.”

Shin pouted, plopping back into his seat after he gave up on trying to get the photo back, instead blankly looking at Takeomi.

“And?”

“And we have to deal with them.”

Shin blew a raspberry.

“Let me live, Omi. Look at her! Isn’t she gorgeous?! I’m allowed to think a girl is pretty and want to ask her out, ya know?”

Takeomi sighed.

“Waka, please.”

Wakasa took the pleasure of smacking Shinichiro over the head again.

“OW! What the fuck?!”

“Don’t underestimate her,” Takeomi got into Shinichiro’s face, his own deadly serious, “She’s the second in command for a reason, and that reason is that she’s batshit insane. She will pull out your fingernails and make you eat them.”

Shin sighed dreamily.

“I’ve always liked strong ladies.” He placed his head into his palm, tilting it, staring out the window of the bar.

“You aren’t listening.” Benkei groaned, finally returning the picture, “She will kill you if you fuck with her. I’ve heard she’s trained in what, like 6 or 7 martial arts? What are you trained in, huh?”

“Being a pussy.” Wakasa helpfully supplied, finally stopping his search through his pockets for a lighter and grabbing Takeomi’s instead.

“So pretty.” Shin instead sighed again, “Do you think she’d get along with Mikey, Emma and Izana?”

“Dumbass,” Takeomi shook his head in disappointment, instead turning to Wakasa and Benkei, “We’ll have to deal with them sooner or later, and I’d prefer that be sooner. The Tiger will be hard to get through, but I’m sure a couple of our guys could handle her so we win and get our turf back.”

Shinichiro finally seemed to be paying attention, craning his neck to glance at Takeomi.

“The Tiger?”

“That’s what they call her. See this?” Takeomi pointed to the tattoo on your shoulder blade, one of a tiger stretching “Plus she often wears a necklace with the word ‘Tora’ on it. I’ve heard she’s broken someone’s hand after trying to touch it.”

“So she’s hot and violent! Just my type.”

“Motherfucker, you’ll die. Either way, you’re not getting near her when we face them off in a week.”

“WHAT?!”

. . . next

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a/n: updating while dissociated is hellish, who knew? thankfully i had this prewritten 😭