#T_T i wanna be finished.... but to do that i gotta finish it.........

[cryptocism]

godddddd i keep hitting roadblocks with this chapter im gonna make up for it by posting some art

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 157

I'm— I just. SOB BLAINE AND FREDERICK??

Ooh!! I should've expected this room to show up in her dream. I'm guessing that it has something to do with the reflections in the sugars?? In the chapter where Frederick and Gwen was in this room, their sweet moment was interrupted by Gwen seeing her reflection in one of the sugar. Maybe the reflections will tell her something regarding her view of herself? Or maybe they will instead warn her about what's happening at the Palace's hall? (By that I mean the war)

Or perhaps...We will see Frederick?

Okay, moving on to the war—

Bruh they gotta STOP finishing each other's sentence it's driving me crazy and slowly taking my hope away from Blaine T_T

I still have my hopes on Blaine, but it's fading away veryyyy slowly. I'm trying hard to believe in him tho. Good thing I have fanfics and my imagination to help me cope through this :')

Also HECK YEAH IT'S SHOWDOWN TIME!!!

May I just say, I love Jamie speaking in Wingdings XD. I tried to translate it but weirdly it didn't translate into an understandable sentence/word. It's just gibberish.

Curtis with a broom...HE'S SO COOL?? Never underestimate butlers real (Curtis, Alfred)

Lorzanna moment!! They are adorable :D Also they are soooo gonna kick Leland's butt.

Also everyone should just use Laverne as a defense strategy here, just saying. It seems to be really effective.

Leland's threat kinda takes my interest here. What do you mean "or else I will"? Do you mean you can just literally stop what's going on right here right now? Then why not just do it now? Or by that does he mean he's going to punish the Plaid Princes in the dungeon again...or worse? Uh well at the very least all I know is LELAND SUCKS.

GO, LANCE, GO!! Betray your bs of a father and stop your big brother from succumbing to the dark side!! I have faith in you :') Honestly even though Lorena don't really understand Lance's fear of Leland and calling him a coward kinda stung, but at the same time it's kinda a wake up call for him? I guess??

Oh yeah, sorry for ruining the moment here but I've been thinking about how sick his new scars would be like it would be shapes like an X and that's so cool?!

Yeah I gotta agree with Lorena here, that was kinda creepy Leland... But Lorena's throw was amazing. Like dang..that spear must be heavy as frick and she throws it with a huge strength?? Lorena = Undyne confirmed?

Beckett to the rescue!! :D love that guy. Hopefully the misunderstanding between Maria and Gwen will clear up though :')

And lastly...the one I'm ejwnsuehw about the most...

Blaine c'mon man Blaine wait listen to me dude wait wait wait. Stop okay stop don't do this 😭😭 Literally go meditating with Whitney bro THIS IS NOT YOU. I don't think i can change you at this point but literally you don't even want to change. And this is the most difficult part because no matter how much you want to help someone, it's pointless if they don't even wanna help themselves. I'm really hoping he would get redemption arc especially because of what Isolde told him in chapter 144.

Oh! I almost forgot. Let's look into the fast pass section!

So first of all we have Blaine vs. Frederick :') but what takes my interest the most is.. The Prince vs. The Prez... Obviously the prince is Blaine, since it uses singular noun and in the thumbnail we see Blaine and Prez. But what caught my attention is "the Prez..." the prez what? The prez club? This could be something regarding cpc, or maybe Prez creates a new group? I can't wait for it to upload :D

Well that it's for today, now let me just sob on the floor while holding my plaid clothes in front of my cats again.

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts)

[jennilah]

things i gotta stop doing: giving any shit about RottenTomatoes

almost all of my favorite movies have a rotten or "barely passing" score, they always have (even though its not a grade like in school! its different! a low score doesnt "fail", i know this!)

i just finished watching all of the Halloween movies and the ones with the worst scores ended up being some of my favorites. like, truly abysmal scores.

same for the Friday the 13th ones, same with all the Godzilla movies, same for many other classic, beloved things

this is why i like making my own damn opinions on movies/games/whatever

i didnt always care. at some point years ago i started checking RT to look for hidden gems, but it morphed into an anxiety-ridden interest in "making sure" movies are getting what I think they deserve

stop it!!!! stop it jenna!!!! its needless self torture. especially when im nail-biting nervous in the days leading up to the RT "reveal" for stuff i work on. i care too much

sighhhhh.......... i think the problem is, because im guilty of it myself, is that if im unsure if i wanna see something i might peek at the score and let it decide for me. and i know other people do it too. and i want people to be just as excited to watch things as i am! especially my stuff T_T

i want people to give things a chance, even if the "score" sucks, because who knows. maybe it might be their next favorite movie too

[eeveegay]

i have been really thoughtful these days

you'd think id be busier moving!!! but im actually kinda stuck in alola lol

the thing is uhhhhh, my family knows about the move and they've said if im not in alola finishing the island trials they wanna come with me to help me move

but like, doing that could open the opportunity for them to be able to visit and, if you've been around you know my relationship with my family isssss complex to say the least and my roommates do not like them specially my mother, she's weird as hell and i completely understand that no one likes my mom

but idk i wonder...i think there's a part of me that wants them to be a part of my life despite everything and really wants them to participate in this big moment of change and growth im going thru like they're doing to me in the challenge

buuuuuut

i also feel like a lot of that desire comes from me just wanting to feel like they approve of my life choices LOL i don't wanna give in to that bro!!!!

so yeah ive been at a standstill, not doing anything, because idk what i wanna do, like i gotta follow my heart and achieve my own desires not my parents or my roommates, i'm sure my roommates would understand if i asked for some exceptions for letting my family in but idk if that's what i wantttt

in the end making my own adventure in alola taught me a lot about what being independent and an adult means. but how am i supposed to put these lessons in practice when the more i try to seek my own path the more i realize i don't know myself?

lets hope i figure something out soon, we are kinda just avoiding conflict here in melemele and that gets tiring after a while T_T

[vyinter]

,

[callioope]

Thoughts on Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 133 below the cut!

Post-Battle Capeleb Scene

Me to spouse as I was pressing play: “I apologize ahead of time for any squealing this episode may cause.”

Cut to Capeleb picking up Essek after the battle! All King Kong style!!! Shoving him in front of the two clerics like “Heal him!!!” ahhhh that definitely got a squeal ... incidentally just as my husband was starting a call... oops. 

Bonus: Caduceus being like “dude I wanna heal you too”

Bonus 2: everyone like “Caleb you can put him down” Caleb: nO *puts Essek on his back* i mean caleb knows better than anyone you gotta protect the squishy wizard

Bonus 3!: Jester’s comment about “He doesn’t think clearly when he’s an animal.” and Essek’s “Evidently!” lol 

Let the Cleric Rest!

Okay earlier in the episode, when Laura was insistent on “guys we need to start our long rest ASAP,” I felt that in my bones. I play a cleric in the Tomb of Annihilation campaign I’m in, and we spent 3 or 4 sessions stuck in a dungeon filled with poison gas where we took 1d6 poison damage every hour. So no long rests there. Top that off with the fact that we’ve been in the Chultan jungle even longer, and we don’t get long rests unless we can find and secure a very safe location, and the pain of being a spellcaster and not getting a long rest is REAL.

And then no one was acknowledging her at first! Yeah later Fjord and Beau were like “yeah yeah we agree” but she had to say it so many times!!! And I kept shouting at my screen “listen to Laura Bailey!!!” thinking “my dudes you can do ALL of this talking and planning while you rest pleeeeze get that rest it” because I play a cleric too and running out of a spells is a thing.

Of course, having finished the episode/in hindsight, I’m actually not sure if the even had a full 8 hours from the moment Jester finished her Commune with Artagan to the moment the Tomb Takers arrived, but still. I feel so bad for Laura right now knowing she only has ONE SPELL SLOT left and they’re going up against the Lucien and Cree. She’s clever so I’m sure she’ll think of something but that just is a really sucky feeling going into any battle knowing you don’t have a lot of slots left, let alone The Super Scary Big Battle ahead. soo. yeah. Gonna be worrying about that all week through the end of the next episode. 

Also side note but jeez poor Laura rolling two one’s on that Heroes Feast. She needs to cleanse her dice or buy new ones altogether. she has the WORST luck with rolls.

TOWER TALK & TOUR!!!!!

IT!!! FINALY!!! HAPPENED!!!! I have been longing for Essek to see the Tower since episode 124 if not longer and at last! It was wonderful. AND CALEB SHOWED HIM THE NINTH FLOOR!!! amazing. fantastic. and what a talk. what a talk. ughh yes. they didn’t really have much time in the Tower outside of the Heroes Feast and the long rest but i’m sooooo glad Caleb got the chance to give the tour and they could talk. YAY!

Pursuing Lucien & Cree

Does anyone have any ideas of what they can do here? UGHH i wanna speculate on the best strategy for them (just because I find it to be a fun thought exercise). Like digging through the collapsed tunnel might take too long? Although we have no idea how long Lucien and Cree need. Hopefully the lack of the rest of the 3 Tomb Takers slows them down somewhat but who even knows at this point. I’ve been wondering if there are any teleportation spells that might work -- but Essek’s teleport is way too high to risk in Aeor right? Wonder if there’s any spells to magically clear the rubble? I’m stumped on this one. Super excited to see what they do but in the meantime while I have to wait would love to ponder this puzzle.

Fjord & the Rangers

not super wanting to like dive into intense discourse about this but like. I did have thoughts so here goes. I don’t blame Fjord for making the decision that he did, he had to make a spilt second decision and it seemed very in character for him to choose what he did. It did seem like he was trying to stall to help his party members get more rest, and it makes sense that he’d want to do that, BUT. here’s the thing. Battles in DND only take a minute or so TOPS. There’ s no way the battle itself would slow down the TT. If you’re hoping to delay the TT, you gotta hope the rangers can do enough damage to force them to at least take a short rest if not a long one. That’d only give an hour and that’s still not enough for the long rest the M9 need. 

ALL THAT SAID!!! I think there’s a very good chance that whatever that battle did helped lower the TT’s HP enough so that the traps the M9 laid could finish off the three members it did. So I don’t think it was in vain. Worth it as a delay tactic? Ehh not really. Worth it to hurt the TT? Yes.

And while I do think that Fjord and Essek knew the chances were high they were sending the rangers to their Doom (a) I think the rangers being here in Aeor know that’s an everyday possibility to begin with, and (b) I still think there’s a chance they might have been able to survive/flee. Maybe the TT decided to push past them and fled from the skirmish themselves? Yes it’s possible everyone (including Dagen T_T) fell during that battle, but I don’t think that’s set in stone. 

Also I don’t think the TT would think it’s weird to come across the rangers, they likely already knew they were there. And another thing -- even if they were like “Hmm rangers coincidentally by the entrance we were going to use?” Look they know the M9 became unscryable AND were trying to stop them. I honestly think the TT knew to be on the lookout for TM9 no matter what. And in hindsight -- which obvs Fjord did not have but we know now -- Lucien way underestimated them bc hey, despite everything, the trap still worked. Like, very much of what the M9 was trying to do during this whole arc was keep their cards close to their chest so Lucien would underestimate them. They really did lay the groundwork for that when they were traveling with them. Yeah technically they sort of revealed some of their hand during the Gelidon fight buuut they also ran from the TT limping later that day. So. Yeah. Anyways. 

I’m rambling now and gotta go start dinner. But those are my initial thoughts!!!! Happy to engage in polite discourse. Main things I love talking about are theories for what happens next!!! and also hello, this is my first like, big post in the tag although I’ve already posted a few times in the shadowgast tag. 

[moldy-mold]

Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

--

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

--

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

--

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

--

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

--

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

--

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

--

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

--

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

[gureishi]

so... today I finished off Rays route with the GOOD ENDING (thank god) and my sleep schedule is officially non existent! :D

lemme start off with Day 8, because that must've been the creepiest the game has ever gotten for me. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS:

EVERYONE IS LITERALLY GONE, SOMEONE PLS SEND HELP! T_T

I never knew there was a part of Saerans route in which he quite literally cuts off your contact with the RFA????? wish someone warned me, but the surprise was quite welcome too I suppose?? the glitches and the distorted music definitely amplified that scary and hopeless feel I got after being cut off from the rest of the members (especially bby Saeyoung, god I love that boy). OH AND THE WAY THE CHATROOMS WOULD GLITCH BEFORE LOADING?? THAT CREEPED ME TF OUT THANKS!! Although I was in a way also happy that I was able to talk to Saeran more! (it is his route after all).

The chats with Rika always left me feeling frustrated. I could see where she came from and understood her motivations for the way she acted and behaved, but it hurt to see the way in which she believed she was loving and caring for Saeran, and how Saeran internalized everything she told him, idk that just left me feeling a new typa broken.

It was very tempting to lash out and get angry or even just to submit to Saeran and his horrible tormenting, but I held on to get that sweet delectable good ending! (gotta get that cute kiss CG after all)

Also I was worried about Saeyoung and his safety ALL THE TIME, I knew there was a part in the game in which he'd be kidnapped but when it finally happened I honestly wanted to stop playing lmao, also Saejoong Choi can take a piss somewhere, I hate him and I wish they revealed more of his crimes in Saeran's route :(

Saeran's route also honestly made me love Jumin so much more, his so endearing, honest and caring. Love that we get to see more of his relationship with V here, you can actually see that they're best friends and that makes my heart smile.

and AWW THE END WHERE WE SEE V WITH RIKA? That really played with my emotions, and has got me considering jumping straight into his route, because I for one know his life doesn't get any better in Saeran's AE unfortunately. (and of course I won't jump straight in again, since everyone around me has been saying getting two hours of sleep every night just to play an otome game is not healthy at all)

I love the calls we get with Saeran after he finally comes to and realizes his worth, the drugs finally out his system. His so adorable and soft and even goofy at times that it makes me question whether I actually see Saeyoung as my fav (though I'll have to think alot more about that T_T, I swear tomato boy I definitely still luv u lmao)

Also love that Saeran has the most kiss CGs out of all the routes, like yes we love to see it ^^

Oh and the guests for Another Story are just such a treat from Cheritz. I mean we literally invite a dragon?? (a shame Saeyoung couldn't see his dragon buddy) and a coding language??? cmon you can't tell me that's not cool.

even though you gave me the sleep friendly guide, I still ended up getting 100% for nearly everyday (except for 2 of them which was 90%) and I must say I'm quite drained and tired but also happy that I was FINALLY able to experience Another Story, something I only really read about online before without knowing too much detail of what specifically happened. It has quite honestly given me a bigger appreciation of the game as a whole :)

I would love to play Saeran's AE but am so scared of getting a bad end, and also there's like no guides for it anywhere? so there's that to worry about too i guess.

I did decide I'd perhaps take a break from playing this game for a while since unfortunately life continues and its back to work for me, but perhaps sometime soon I'll see myself playing through the alluring and mysterious photographers route instead? ;)

also this route got me thinking alot more why Cheritz didn't give the MC eyes?? Like what purpose does the MC not having eyes provide?? idk Cheritz just give her eyes please, I think that way there'd be alot less questions floating around my bloated and overfilled mind, thanks.

Also thanks for coming along with me and listening about my journey of playing through this Another Story, I really appreciated it! :))) <3

I have been so eagerly waiting for this update!!!! Congrats on getting that good end! I'm really impressed with your dedication—and also, like, please get some sleep 😭❤️

He really is such a sweetheart, isn't he? I totally relate to that feeling of like I LOVE YOU wait I wanna MARRY YOUR BROTHER wait I love you uhhhhhh help, both of you come here and give me a hug.

I am so excited to hear how you feel when you play V's route and, eventually, the AE! And I'll recommend another of Seeme's guides, hehe. I used it last time I replayed the AE and it was great. Here! There's a sleep schedule-friendly one too (though you are clearly a completionist when you play these routes and I feel that—I'm the same way).

Those kiss CGs! Are! Amazing. He honestly needs a lot of kisses.

As far as the eyes thing goes, it sure is weird, huh? Apparently it used to be pretty popular for otome game MCs not to have eyes so it's easier for players to self-insert. Lots of newer games seem to have MCs with more specific appearances (and personalities), though.

I do like to self-insert when I'm playing otome games but also...I look nothing like this MC anyway, so her being eyeless does nothing for me, lol.

Would you prefer an MC with eyes even if she's more clearly not you? I think I would.

Also this route ending man it kills me literally just thinking about it. But just! Remember! That our boy is fine in the end. He's okay!!! He's safe and he's happy and he's got a boat ❤️

Thank you for sharing this Saeran route journey with me, my dear. I enjoyed every second of it!

[sunlightandsuffering]

Hi Lys... how are you doing? I don't even know what to tell you at the moment, I'm going through all the AUs in your blog lol... I'm thinking of re reading MMDS just because... trying to draw and write just because... I don't wanna go back to do my homework and work T_T but how are you doing? any tips for a newbie writer btw?

HIIII BESTIE!!! 💕 What a mood lol I'm avoiding studying too 😂😂 I might have to make myself do it after this lol, I reallllly need to study but I really don't want to 😂 But yeah sometimes u just gotta be creative!! I'm writing rn too lol!! I'm doing well, I hope you are too!!! Hmmm I still consider myself pretty new as well 😂 But idk, just write what u want I think! When ur inspired, jot some stuff down, looking up prompts helps too if u ever don't know what to write about, they have lots on Pinterest. And Pinterest boards for like story vibes are fun to make too!! Also music, I have a smut playlist!! 😂😂 And I name a lot of my fics after songs I like that give me fun vibes, I'll usually just listen to something on repeat when I'm determined to finish a fic :P

[myelocin]

hi nic sorry for asking this to you but im really lost atm, my dad died suddenly five months ago, but the pain i felt on his last days were so great even five months later i still find myself avoiding any minor convenience, and about last week my uncle and my 1 yo cousin died as well, which adds the lasting pang in my heart, but im currently in uni entering third semester and since im taking stem i can’t really afford slacking off, but i also feel very unhappy everyday,, i’m really confused nic do you have any advice ?

hi! i'm so sorry i just got back to you now T_T i'll put everything under the cut btw! :D

first off, i give u a hug :< and second, i rlly just wanna say that healing can never truly be measured by time. you feel more in some days than others. sometimes love gets to u before sadness, and sometimes it's the other way around. you're alright. you're feeling what you feel, and letting what comes in to teach u what it needs to teach u before u gotta let it go...eventually.

i'd just say if the grief hits u harder on some days,,,then just sit still and feel it out. like what else can u do yk. it's been 8 years since my own mom passed and i still have nights where i feel like my sadness is even greater than the first night i spent alone. healing is a whole rollercoaster man T_T it's honestly better to just let it be and let yourself feel instead of holding it back and trying to make urself feel better by saying that u should be feeling things this way now bc it's already passed. truth is, you feel what u feel when u feel it. ur heart will always fight for time to demand for you to grieve if you've been holding it back.

be kind to yourself T^T

i can't answer what makes u happy bc that's just something u gotta answer for yourself. it could just be a question right now, but clarity will always meet you halfway so don't u worry :) the hardships in life come with the intention to strengthen your armor and not wear u down to the bone. it feels like it, but you're still up and walking, so you've got this. you don't have to be fine all the time, but just know you're already doing so incredible just starting your day and finishing it.

take ur time.

at the end of the day you're only human. ;w; a million hugs for u anon. ik the world is so heavy sometimes....my dms are always open for u btw :)) i cant solve your problems but sometimes just having company around when u vent helps,, and i don't mind holding your hand for when u feel like the hurt's tipped you off balance.

[fieryanmitsu]

Intertwined Roots | ch. 6 - “tic-tac-toe” | A3! AU

This is another chapter that I was really looking forward to writing, since it introduces our last main character! This was also a chapter that I had planned out quite early on as well, so there was definitely a lot of anticipation to writing this!

Also, I realized that I’ve been using the wrong spelling for Tasuku’s nickname this whole time. I’m trying to stick with the localized spellings, and it’s spelled “Tachan” with only one ‘a’. I’ll have to go back and fix it in the previous chapters…!!

“Intertwined Roots” is an A3! alternate universe series where Izumi, Itaru, Tsumugi and Tasuku grow up as childhood friends.

For the summary, background and notes about the “Intertwined Roots” universe, along with more chapters, please refer to the “Intertwined Roots” Masterpost.

Masterpost for my other fanfiction: here

AO3: Link in my Blog Menu!

INTERTWINED ROOTS – ch. 6

“tic-tac-toe” | spring | Itaru (age 5) & Izumi (age 4)

Izumi sighed as she pushed away her picture book and flopped backwards onto the floor, her foot idly kicking at one of the coffee table legs. Though it was her favourite book, she had lost all motivation to turn the page and had been wearily rereading the same words over and over again.

Bored.

It had been four days since she’d last seen Tsumugi and Tasuku. This was the longest she had gone without seeing one of them since they’d first met almost two months ago.

“Mommy, when are Tsumu and Tachan coming back?” Izumi whined from her spot on the floor.

Haruna looked up from the kitchen counter she was cleaning and glanced at her daughter with an amused smile.

“That’s the second time you’ve asked that today, Izumi. They’ll be back at the end of Golden Week – so three more days.”

The young girl let out another miserable sigh.

“You’re going to chase all of your happiness away if you keep sighing, Izumi,” Haruna tutted lightly as she wiped her hands on her apron. “I’m done cleaning the kitchen for now, and there’s still time before I need to start dinner. How about we go to the park? Will that cheer you up?”

Izumi immediately sat up at the mention of the park. It wasn’t quite the same going to play without her best friends, but at least it would be more interesting than sitting at home. With an enthusiastic cheer, the girl scrambled to her feet and got herself ready. Soon, the mother-daughter duo left their two-bedroom apartment and leisurely made their way to the park Izumi often frequented with Tsumugi and Tasuku.

With everyone off work and school for Golden Week, the park was livelier than usual. Many families were spread out across the grass with picnic blankets and the air was filled with the joyful shouts and squeals of countless children. Izumi’s eyes swept across the playground, taking in the swarming play structure and fully occupied swing set, spring toys and sandbox. From what she could tell, most of the other children were several years older than her – about Fuyuki’s age.

“Izumi, after we spread out the blanket, can you help me pick some flowers for the house?” Haruna asked gently, feeling her daughter’s hand tighten around her own.

Perking up, Izumi nodded at her mother before they proceeded to claim an open area of grass with their pink and white blanket.

“Mommy, I’m gonna go this way to find more flowers!” Izumi called to her mother, several dandelions clutched in one hand. The young girl wanted to find some daisies to go with the yellow flowers she had already plucked.

As she walked further from her mother, scouring the grass for a glimpse of white flowers, she suddenly noticed a solitary figure crouched ahead of her on the outskirts of the playground. It was a young boy with fluffy hair and oval glasses. He was holding a stick in one hand and scratching it against the ground.

Maybe it was because he made such a striking sight, playing by himself in stark contrast to the bustling play structure behind him, but Izumi found herself fixated by the boy.

Curious about her new discovery, she scampered closer to the young boy and, before either of them realized, she had come to a stop in front of him. The only thing separating the two children was the drawing of a grid in the dirt between them.

Sensing her presence, the boy looked up from his drawing and glanced wordlessly at Izumi. His magenta eyes locked with her brown ones for just a moment before the boy’s gaze flickered back down to the dirt. Without even acknowledging her, he continued to scratch away at the ground.

Izumi watched as the boy drew an X in one corner of his three-by-three grid before drawing an O next to it. Then, he drew another X in the empty square above his O.

“Are you playing tic-tac-toe?” Izumi blurted out, surprised.

The boy looked up at her again with wide eyes, but didn’t answer her.

“I didn’t know you could play by yourself!” she exclaimed in awe, unperturbed by his silence. She had never thought to try that before.

Crouching down and setting her half-finished bouquet aside, Izumi studied the grid with an intense expression.

“Are you going to put the next O here?” she asked, pointing at an empty square. “Wait, no, put it here!”

Izumi was so caught up in her own excitement that she didn’t even notice that the boy still hadn’t said a word to her. In fact, he was staring at her as if she was speaking a completely different language.

“Can I play, too?!” Izumi asked eagerly, wanting to implement her great tactical plan to win the tic-tac-toe game. “Here, lemme borrow your stick!”

With her hand held out open and expectant in front of him, the boy reflexively placed his twig in her hand. Izumi quickly scratched an O into the dirt, blocking off the potential win.

“Your turn!” Izumi chirped, handing the stick back.

Though the boy still didn’t respond to her, he took the stick and drew an X two squares below her O before wordlessly proffering it to Izumi. Noticing that the boy was ignoring the row closest to her, Izumi drew another O beside her first one. Then, branch back in his hand, the boy scratched out his final X and drew a diagonal line through his three-in-a-row.

“I win,” he murmured quietly, a small smile spreading across his face.

“Ehhhhhh?!” Izumi exclaimed in dismay, more shocked that she had lost than by the fact that the boy had finally spoken. “Again!! Let’s play again! I’ll for sure win this time!”

“HEEEEEY! It’s time to go hoooome!!” a loud voice suddenly interrupted.

Looking up at the unexpected holler, the two children saw an older girl waving in their direction.

“Um, I gotta go,” the boy mumbled, standing up and dusting off his pants.

“Wait!” Izumi exclaimed, shooting upright as well. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Umm…”

Brows furrowed, the boy glanced anxiously over his shoulder at the older girl waiting with her hands on her hips, before whipping his head back to look at the bright-eyed child in front of him.

“Uh, I… I don’t…” he stuttered nervously, unsure of how to respond.

“Come back tomorrow, okay? After lunch!” Izumi insisted. “I wanna play tic-tac-toe with you again!”

Without waiting for his answer, Izumi took the boy’s right hand in both of her own and maneuvered his pinky to stick out. Hooking her own pinky around his, she shook their hands up and down furiously.

“There! Now it’s a pinky swear! So, if you don’t come back tomorrow, you’ll have to swallow a thousand needles!”

Dropping his hand, Izumi knelt to pick up her discarded flowers, oblivious to the dazed look on the boy’s face.

“Oh! I forgot! I’m Izumi! What’s your name?”

“… Itaru…”

((I commissioned some artwork for this chapter of the fic, you can check it out HERE!))

Ahhh, I’m so glad I was finally able to introduce Itaru!! Honestly, one of the biggest reasons behind how this series came to life was my desperate need to have a universe where young Itaru is happy and grows up with wonderful friends who appreciate and love him T_T.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please do leave a comment if you have any impressions! As usual, any reblogs are much appreciated! Thank you for stopping by!

There’s also a couple more days before my 100 Followers Milestone Event ends, so if you’re interested in entering a draw for a gift fic or want to submit an A3! Drabble Request, please do check out this post for the rules!

-Anmitsu

[rosaline-kei]

I finished reading the last chapter of your fanfic Love and honestly I'm glad you didn't give up updating it. Yes, I do think it's a bit messy but I'm honestly happy with the characters. They feel like childhood friends growing up and learning to love, so you did a good job. I hope you keep writing and if to you it "reads like shit", remember that you can always improve it later.

Aw thanks! :)

Yeah, it’s definitely messy HAHA. i wholeheartedly agree. I think it’s mostly because it was originally supposed to just be a one-shot about Armin’s unrequited love lmao but then for some reason i decided to continue it without really plotting the middle part properly before i went for it T_T GG to me lol. I guess i got too excited? lesson learnt...... sorta.

I really hope i won’t disappoint you with the upcoming chapters because i plan to go with a trope that maybe some people won’t particularly enjoy? We’ll see.

I’ve never written a love-triangle-centric story before so yeah, I should’ve balanced the story/romance etc a little more but i think its too late? So i just gotta roll with it and in the future improve from there. Anyways, thank you for dropping a comment here <3

I don’t particularly mind constructive criticism, so if you want, you can PM me and tell me about the aspects you find messy; i really wanna improve if i ever plan to write love triangles again in the future :,) Once again, thank you for dropping a message!

[2dsheep]

hello! i just finished binge reading your fic The Forest, and i just wanna say taht i absolutely love it!! little kid erwin is so cute and demon levi is such a good laugh (and so patient dfhjdf) the ending of ch13 broke my heart tho, poor erwin D': i look forward to following this story

I think you are by far the best thing that has happened to me all week! (´∀｀•)Writing can be super hard, and on my worst days it kinda just chips away at my self-esteem, and I end up constantly wondering if I’m doing good enough. And then I get a message like this and I just...melt. It means so much when someone leaves a message, so thank you thank you thank you xxx. I’m super happy that you’re enjoying my fic! I gotta say, I love my little kid Erwin and it breaks my heart that I’ve been so hard on him these last couple of chapters T_T Levi also has the patient of a saint, I don’t know how he does it. I love kid!Erwin but I don’t know if I’d be able to put up with him hahaaThank you again and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[loxxxlay]

I can’t remember shit so making a checklist for stuff I wanna/gotta do before grandthorki day:

Find favorite lines in grandthorki fics

—> Set&schedule countdown posts

Finish day-of post checklist

Decide queue hours and such

Finish Figment of Choice (please T_T)

Finish the Grandthorki Day Fic (this is a long shot, so at least finish the first chapter...)

Finish prompt “No, Stop!” for whumptober

[satans-wafer]

ok, i reeeeaaally wanna embroider seven inches of satanic panic cover into a patch but jeisjdidid i gotta finish the trans ghost patch T_T which do i do.......

[sapphireorison]

Ten Writer Questions Tag PT.2

Tagged by @the-bookdevourer :)

Do you have anyone (authors, family, friends, etc.) that has inspired your writing? I write like I must breathe, and I get inspiration from everywhere. When I was wee, I devoured the teen section at my local library, so a lot of my early author-inspiration is from 80s and 90s scifi and fantasy authors, like Anne McCaffrey and Diane Duane and Jane Yolen and Patricia C. Wrede. And, admittedly, Piers Anthony and Lovecraft, though those latter two... :considers: You know how when you read a book and you go ‘wow this is terrible but I can’t put it down’? Best figure out why you can put it down. I also get a lot of inspiration from my friends in what they yearn to have written that’s not out there yet. It makes me want to write that, and in learning more about what they want that simply doesn’t exist yet, I become a better writer. 

When did you first start writing? And what was it about? Very, very early. I wrote stuff for school, mostly, cute little stories about nonsense based on whatever book or series I was obsessed with at the time. Beyond that, I ‘wrote’ plays for me and my sister to perform for my family, and then in HS moved on to trying to figure out novels. I’ve always created stories in my head, and because I was primed by the types of books I loved (big, epic, glorious) that was always my goal. So I would fiddle around with the beginnings of them. It’s only been within the last ten years or so that I’ve started finishing them, and they’ve gotten closer to what I have in my head as the kind of books I need to write.

 How long have you been working on your current project? It feels like ages, but I don’t think it’s been more than a year and a half at most, perhaps two. This one was percolating for a long time before I started writing because I had the concept first, then the characters, and then the world, and only after a while did I have any inkling of a plot and I know better than to start without a plot by now.

 Of all your OCs, which do you relate to the most? Why? My earlier OCs were more ‘me’ than any of the ones I have now. But the one I relate to most was one from a very, very early attempt at a fantasy novel. She was a bookish protagonist with a demon stitched to her soul whose goal was to usher a younger demon-possessed girl to someone, somewhere, that could help her. :considers: Even that teeny explanation feels like a direct window into my head. My OCs now are very much not me. The only one even faintly close to me is the fellow who I’ve iterated through over the years. He’s the one I relate to the most because I’ve used him the most. He’s full of well over a decade of experiences in various media as I’ve tried to find a home for him. 

Tropes are often looked down on, but which one(s) do you enjoy and use? Fake relationships, mutually requited slow-burn pining, and messy reunions after one of the people thinks they’ve lost the other forever. All of those are for romance. In general, though, I love the ‘weird uncle’ trope, where an antagonist gets beaten and then sort of gets absorbed into the protag’s family because they’re not bad they’re just, you know, themselves. I also fucking love the trope where touch is a huge indicator of trust, where names are important so that when someone start using a different name (for themselves or another) it means a major character change behind-the-scenes, and I really really love affectionate bickering. I don’t even know if that’s a trope, but it’s great.

 Do you have a set schedule for when you write? No. Well, sort of. I prefer to write in the evenings, after about 5 or 6pm, and write for about four hours in a coffee shop or at the kitchen table. This is, mind, the /optimal/ writing situation. I don’t usually get a chance to write as long, or as often, as I know makes me happiest. This was the schedule I used to polish off two longfics I wrote and now that I don’t get to do this every/most nights, my monthly progress is much lower. I’m lucky if I do 10k a month. 

When you’re writing, do you write in chronological order or wherever you feel? I gotta do chronological. But, like, chronological for the *book* not the story. My brain views things very much as cause-and-effect, specifically about what am I causing the reader to think at this point in time and how will that effect how they view this later scene. So even if things are out of place and there are flashbacks and so on, I have to write from the beginning of the book to the end otherwise I can’t develop the later parts properly because I’m missing pieces that need to be included. 

What’s your favorite part about starting a new project? Worldbuilding! I’ll start 600-word prompts, build out a fucking massive world, and then tidy up the prompt and move on to something else. Unique worlds rev my engine, and whenever I feel bored or stale on a current project I’ll build out a world-prompt and it’ll refresh me to come back to my primary project.

What’s one thing about your current project that you’re excited about? It’s so much more action-y than I thought it would be. Stuff is happening! Things are gonna explode!  There’s way more mystery involved than anticipated because there’s so much to explain I’ve had to pick and choose what to reveal. And, honestly, I’ve lived with the characters so long in my head that I’m just excited to find out how they feel about each other and what they want out of the world--the kind of stuff I can only find out by making them interact and seeing if I need to tweak. 

 Do you have any writing goals that you want to accomplish by the end of the year? Halfway through Current Project and hopefully finishing a fic that I, uh, abandoned during the last chapter. The rest is posted and I’ve let it sit for two years. T_T Conveniently, there are several months (including Nano) to work on Current Project, and ‘halfway’ is only another 20k for me. So I am fairly confident I can hit that one at least. :) 

For the 10 new questions, here are the ones I liked from Bookie’s list along with a couple from mine and one or two of my own creation: 

What’s your favorite thing about your writing? 

What’s your favorite character you’ve written and why are they your fav? 

What makes your writing unique? 

Describe your antagonist’s ‘villain song’ as if they were a Disney Villain.

Which of your characters (OCs) is the one you most relate to? Why? 

What are you favorite tropes? 

What inspired your current project? 

There are lots of different media types that you could write! What is your ‘primary’ type of media that you write? Short story? Novels? Novellas? Comics? Plays? Roleplays? Video game scripts? TV show or movie scripts? Where do most of your words go? And, to follow up, what type of writing is your current project? Which types have you done? Which do you like? Do you have a favorite? 

What’s your favorite genre to read? To write? Why does it draw you?

Do you have any writing goals you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year?

I’m supposed to tag people, but I am shy and tagging is scary. If you follow me and you do the writing thing, I really wanna hear from you. :D I will even reply and it will be super exciting.