#That conversation always KILLS ME but I also really like this exchange where you tell him after you've dealt with the situation.

[maddymoreau]

[coraniaid]

Speaking of Faith, Hope & Trick: that first conversation between Buffy and Faith must be so different from Faith's point of view.

I mean, the episode itself is very much told from Buffy's perspective. She's only recently reclaimed her identity as "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" and she just started to reconnect with her friends as of the end of last episode. Of course she feels challenged by Faith's arrival; of course she feels like Faith's deliberately trying to upstage her. Of course she feels Faith is trying to intrude on her life. She reacted much the same way when she met Kendra, and that was when she was a lot less keen on being "the Vampire Slayer" and much more comfortable with her place in Sunnydale. As she tells her mother later, she's "just getting her life back […] not looking to go halfsies on it".

But think about it from Faith's side. Even while she's lying about where her Watcher is, she admits that she came all the way from Boston looking to meet "the infamous" Buffy Summers. She presumably set up the earlier encounter with the vampire deliberately to try to lure Buffy out (she's the one to lead him outside and she only starts fighting him seriously once Buffy and the Scooby Gang have arrived looking for her). She must have picked out her never-to-be-seen-again outfit and practiced her slightly too casual introduction of "I've got it. You're, uh, Buffy, right?" (as if she came all the way to California to meet some girl whose name she didn't quite remember) well in advance. She's already calling her 'B' while the vamp's dust is still cooling. You think she hadn't planned that too?

And Faith is trying to so hard to connect with Buffy in this scene. Yes, she tells a lot of "tall tales" (as Scott Hope will later put it) -- she wants to seem impressive! she wants Buffy to view her as an equal! -- but she's also the only person in the group who keeps trying to get Buffy to share things. It's not her fault that the rest of the gang talk over Buffy's attempts to talk about her own past battles or that they undermine her attempts to tell equally impressive stories. It's not even really her fault that she ends up sharing things about being a Slayer that Buffy as obviously been trying to keep secret from her friends (I mean, it's her fault a little, sure, but I don't think it would even occur to Faith to be embarrassed by anything she says).

"Did you really use a rocket launcher one time?" Faith asks, having already heard the story from somewhere and so done her best to convince Buffy that she too has done equally cool things (she hasn't). "What was your toughest kill?" she asks, having fled most of the way across a continent to escape a vampire she couldn't kill herself. "Isn't it crazy how Slaying always makes you hungry and horny?" she asks and "You and I are gonna have fun," she promises. What can that mean but: don't you feel the same way I do? Aren't you just the same as me? Aren't you glad I'm here?

Yes, Faith is jealous of Buffy's friends and her Watcher and her Mom, right from the start, but she didn't arrive in town looking to meet them. She came looking for Buffy; and look at how quick she is to accept Scott's description of her as "Buffy's friend" the next day. But Buffy (very understandably, from her point of view, because of experiences Faith has no knowledge of) just keeps trying to shut her out. The harder Faith tries to impress her -- by trying to win over Buffy's friends, and her Watcher, and her possible boyfriend, and her Mom -- the more aloof the other Slayer seems to get.

No wonder Faith gets annoyed by the rejection. No wonder she starts to get angry. No wonder she's ready to start exchanging threats once they're alone on patrols and the vampires aren't even showing up the way they're supposed to. Like she'll complain later in the season: she came to Sunnydale, she slayed, she did the good little girl routine, and what did she get? Not Buffy, that's for sure.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Hate and love

Hello!

This one is from a request, you still can ask me to write something if you want to :)

I have to say that I'm not really sure about this one, but here it is.

Enjoy ♥

TW : Angst, harassment, divorce, loneliness.

______________________________________________________________

Your arrival in Barcelona at the winter transfer almost a year ago has gone rather well. You quickly bonded with most of the players and you didn’t have any trouble becoming a part of the FC Barcelona family. You maybe wasn't in the Top 3 of the public favorite players, but you don't really mind. You were a bit sad about the departure of some of them this summer, especially Jenni and Ana who were kind of mentors for you during these few months. And even if you continue to exchange news with them, you must admit that it is not the same.

Playing previously in Seville, you already knew quite well some of the players of the team, usually staying on the pitch after the matches to chat a little. You were separated during the World Cup, your national team not being strong enough to pass the qualifications you were in the first to return to training in Barcelona. This did not prevent you from making the trip to Australia to support your friends and obviously the Spanish national team.

You celebrated their victory from the VIP party with friends and family before returning to Barcelona in your daily routine. The world champions have gradually returned to training and you have welcomed new players to the team, always in a good mood.

Everything seems perfect told like that, yet there is something that bothers you since your arrival in Barcelona.

Aitana Bonmati.

She never seemed very happy to see you arrive and you never understood why. At first you said to yourself that she was perhaps afraid that your arrival would cause an imbalance in the group, as can happen sometimes when an element has a too strong personality. Some are afraid of change and you have not asked yourself more questions than that, letting this information slip into a corner of your brain. She wasn’t necessarily part of the small group of girls you trained with regularly anyway since you don’t play in the same spot on the field.

But this summer, you could see that the new arrivals had the right to a big smile and other privileges to which you were not entitled. It’s not really a question of ego, but you don’t understand what you did to her to make her react this way with you. And that's hurt.

You have even noticed with the passing of time that she tends to be rather unpleasant with you, not responding to your hello when you arrive in the locker room for example. It happens to her to roll discreetly her eyes when you speak and you even surprised once Ona throwing her an elbow in the ribs while making the big eyes. It was a relief to see that you were not crazy and that your teammates were taking your side, but it also confirmed what you thought.

And gradually, it plunged you into a kind of constant anxiety, reminding you of some of your traumas during your childhood and adolescence. During which you were often mocked, the girl who preferred to play football rather than dance. Your father always supported you in your choices, unlike your mother, your big brother and your big sister. When they separated you went to live with him and he sacrificed a lot so that you would be where you are today, but you never had the heart to tell him about the harassment you were experiencing at school.

**********

"Can I talk to you?"

Alexia’s voice surprises you while you were focused on the laces of your Converse, making you jump a little. Lost in your thoughts, you were ruminating about the disaster you were during this training. You didn’t put a single ball in the net, you got so distracted that you got a remonstrance from Jona and you almost kill Mapi with a bad pass. Mapi preferred to laugh and quickly came to reassure you by giving you a friendly slap in the back and a hug, to your greatest relief. You would have been horrified to be hated by another of your teammates.

"Sure" you mumble without looking at her.

Alexia’s voice was sweet when she offered to follow her to one of the conference rooms and you complied after picking up your bag and stuff. All the other girls have already returned and the corridors now seem deserted.

When you arrive in the room, you watch Alexia open the blinds slightly as you stand against the wall, very close to the door. You’re anxious and just waiting to be scolded. It often happened like this, teachers taking you aside to say that you weighed on the morale or level of the class. That you had to work on it if you wanted to be accepted and have good results. But no one ever seemed to wonder why you didn’t get along with your classmates. No one ever noticed or understood the harassment you were experiencing. You never mentioned that either, but you would have given ten years of your life for someone to notice. Anyone.

So when Alexia turns to you with an almost maternal expression, it completely disarms you. Her eyes were soft and you can easily detect a form of concern in it.

"You can come closer, I won’t eat you" Alexia gently smiles before sitting on one of the tables, probably to make this conversation less formal.

After hesitating for a second, you settle down in front of her playing nervously with your hair.

"What can I do for you?" you ask, instead of "How are you gonna let me know that I’m gonna heat up the backup bench over the next few weeks?"

"I just wanted to make sure that everything was fine. You seem a little out of place these last few days and it’s starting to worry us. I talked with Jona about it today"

She seems embarrassed to tell you that she told someone else about you without you knowing, making you frown. Your facial expression is probably misunderstood by your captain as she hastens to add

"Don’t take this the wrong way. we’re just worried about you"

"I... I'm fine"

You shrug before biting your lip. You are a bad liar, you know it. And it didn't fool Alexia.

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable with it. But there are other people here who will listen to you with pleasure."

"Don’t worry about me. It was just a time like this, but I’ll be fine"

Because it's what you always did. Figuring and fighting things alone, even if you have now friends who you trust and who you know you can count on.

"You don't have to do that alone, you know"

"Why do you even care?"

You roll your eyes. Sur Alexia is a great captain, and you like her a lot. As a friend of course, but you can't denied that she deserve her title. Like most other girls she is sincerely kind and knows how to distinguish between competition and friendships in the locker room. This is an example for you, as it is for many other girls. And even if she knows all this, she remains modest and does not take the big head. Pretty impressive, in your opinion.

"Is that even a question Y/N?"

Alexia laughs, but it’s a surprise laugh. She seems surprised at the sincerity of your question. And, seeing that you don't answer, she gently shakes her head before answering you.

"Because we care, you're part of this family and even if half of us are totaly crazy, we care for each other. Whatever your problem is, you don't have to figure out alone."

And these sentences, even if it seems to be the most natural thing for Alexia, break down the barriers you have put up until now. You feel tears wet your cheeks without being able to do anything to stop them. As if the dam that you had formed all these years had broken and all the tears that you had retained until today finally decided to come out. And obviously, it bothers you terribly.

You mumble excuses between two sobs, but after more or less calling you an idiot, Alexia breaks the distance between you two to take you in her arms and rock you against her. You don’t know how long you stay like this, but you still stop crying.

So you tell her everything.

The harassment when you were little, from part of your family and the children in your classes. The divorce of your parents which you feel responsible despite everything, this feeling of loneliness that you have since you were born certainly. This feeling of never being fully understood by anyone, until you arrived here. And then you talk about your teammate who reminds you of that, without giving her name. You don’t want to be a problem and Alexia doesn’t ask you to name her. Maybe because she already knows who she is?

The blonde listens to you without saying a word, patiently wiping the tears that continue to roll on your cheeks. When you are silent, exhausted by these confessions and your tears, she speaks again in a calm and soothing voice.

"I’m not going to pretend that I understand you because I was lucky enough to have a family that always supported me. I wouldn’t be here without them, honestly."

The bond between Alexia and her mother, even her sister is know by anyone. You nod, still looking at her.

"But you, you made your way all by yourself. You're only 21 Y/N, you don't realise how strong you are. But being strong doesn't always mean you have to be alone. You have friends here, people who love you and care for you. You are not alone anymore."

With that you smile at her, feeling relieved. As if the weight of all these years were coming off your shoulders. You even feel like you can breathe better. So you thank Alexia, with simple words but you couldn’t explain how much you think about them. As she lays a kiss on your cheek, you put your arms around her neck to hug her and press your words. She gives you your hug back before training you out of the room. Tomorrow is another day and you promise to do better than that.

**********

The rest of the workouts of the week are much better and you decide to completely ignore Aitana. You remain polite nevertheless, but you act as if she's not there. And this seems to annoy her even more but you decided that's not your problem. Many times you feel her look burn your back and you have time to see her black look before she realizes that you are looking at her and she looks away.

But your morale and your game are back to normal and it’s a great relief for you. For Alexia and your coach too, the man simply slips you a short compliment at the end of a session. No need to make tons and that’s enough for you.

The last practice before the next game goes as usual. You do your warm-ups with your fellow defenders, then you are shuffled for courses and drills before a five-player mini-team tournament is organized. You feel a form of anxiety that makes your heart beat when your team is against Aitana, but you decide to focus on the game.

It goes pretty well until you are tackled a little too ferociously by someone from the opposing team. The pain in your ankle and instantaneous and you can’t hold a cry of pain as you collapse to the ground.

"What the fuck Aitana?" Mapi snaps, but you don't really care for now.

The second duel that took place next to you seems to have stopped too, but the tears of pain that fill your eyes prevent you from seeing it for the moment.

"You're ok?"

Irene has knelt beside you and you feel a compassionate hand behind your back. Long black hair obscuring part of the view informs you that it's Ingrid. You answer a simple no with a nod and a few minutes later you are transported to the infirmary. Ona offered to accompany you and you agreed, realizing that you didn't want to be alone.

**********

"Sprain" informs you the nurse and you let yourself go against the file of the infirmary bed on which you are. "It means rest for two weeks."

You pout, but turn your attention to Ona when she places a friendly hand on your arm. You are so used to spending this kind of time alone that you sometimes forget for a few seconds that she is with you. You must be able to easily win the worst friend award.

"At least it’s not the ligaments" Ona said softly.

"You’re right" you sigh.

She gives you a compassionate smile and you assure her that she can take a shower and change. You still have the prescription to wait and the nurse must come back with your brace and crutches. After making sure you weren’t going to go home with an Uber but with her and Lucy, she eventually left the room. She even offers to inform the rest of the team of your injury and you accept willingly, not wanting to go to put a show there downstairs.

A few minutes pass and you always wait when someone knocks on the door.

"I still haven’t finished Ona, but you can come in."

Except that it is not Ona who enters, but Aitana. The look fixed on her shoes and the air of someone who goes to the torture room. And this time, the anger you had not yet felt takes hold of you.

"I came to apologize" Aitana mumbles without turning her eyes towards you.

"Well, it's done" you answer coldly, turning your back on her.

You don’t want to look at her. You’re mad at her, at her behavior. That she doesn’t like you is one thing, but that she makes you unable to play for two weeks is another.

"It wasn't voluntary"

You hold a sarcastic laugh and slowly shake your head.

"Ok."

Aitana seems surprised at your reaction, but you don’t care. It's true that usually you are more the one who flees the conflict and who prefers to go with the idea of the person in front of you to please her. She stands there and it annoys you. So you suddenly turn your head in her direction and you talk to her dryly.

"All right, you can go now. Just leave me alone."

The tone of your voice seems to make her react since she frowns and steps in your direction.

"Don’t talk to me like that."

You feel your heart racing, you have never been very good at dealing with disputes and emotions. Until now you had managed to buried them deep inside when they became too powerful but it seems that since your confessions to Alexia you are no longer able to do so. She says it’s a pretty good things, but you're not really sure about that.

"Don’t tell me how to talk to you when you’ve been treating me like shit since I got here, Aitana."

Aitana is stunned. She never saw you angry and expected you to accept her apology so that she could get out of this room as quickly as she got in. Her lost look irritates you a little more, she knew very well what she was doing by behaving as she did since the beginning. And you gradually realized that you didn’t deserve this.

"Who made you come here? Mapi, Alexia, Jonatan?"

She blushs and it's enough for you to understand that you are right. If she had the choice, she would never had been here, begging for your forgiveness.

"Get out" you groan, turning your back at her once again.

She didn't and you sigh before getting up as you can. It may not be the most graceful way to do it and it may take some drama off the stage, but you don't care.

"I said get out" you say, raising your voice now. "You don't want to be here and I don't want you here."

But she’s still not moving and your patience is coming to an end. From now on there is nothing else that separates you, except the bed on which you were lying a few moments ago. The nurse still hasn’t come back, but this might be the time to do it please.

"I- " began Aitana, without saying anything more.

"What do you want? Two weeks without me aren't enough? Want to break my other leg too?"

The frustration you feel about not understanding Aitana’s reaction and behavior may be pushing you a little to say things you never had the courage to say before. But it was less positive to return the floor to your interlocutor, whose face and eyes finally come alive again.

"I told you I didn't mean it" she half-screams and you snort. "Maybe I was wrong for acting with you like I did but..."

"Maybe?!" you interrupt her coldly.

"You made my life a living hell! You came here with your damn smile and skills and all my life fell appart!" Aitana is clearly shooting now and you blink, surprised by her rage. "I was in an healthy relationship, happy in my life and with this team. And you came along and everything fell apart! I am straight ok, I am so fucking straight but all I can think about all the time is you! I hate you for the way you make me feel but I'm not fucking able to change it even if I tried since you are here"

It is your turn to remain silent, your brain analyzing each of the words that she just said. And all this has absolutely no meaning for you, except the part where she confesses her hatred to you perhaps. Aitana’s breathing is fast and noisy, you can’t tell if it’s that or your screams that didn’t allow you to realize that you were no longer alone in the room.

"Hmm."

You look over Aitana’s shoulder and you realize that Ona has returned to the room with Lucy holding your crutches and a sheet of paper while she herself carry your bag.

"Maybe it’s time to go home"

Lucy’s perfectly expressionless face keeps you from knowing how long she’s been here. Two steps behind her, Ona makes her look between you and Aitana without saying anything. You nod and pass in front of Aitana with a limp, Ona reacting by breaking the last meters to help you take your crutches in hand.

You follow them silently to Lucy’s car and after some arguments with Ona you finally agree to sit in the passenger seat. By taking your phone out of your pocket, you realize that you have received some messages from your teammates wishing you a good recovery. And you quickly understand that they have created a tournus between them so that you are not alone at home. There will apparently be only during the trip next weekend where you will not have peace. But it makes you smile and a little forget what just happened.

"You want to eat with us tonight?" Lucy asks.

"Nah I'm good thank you. I usually watch some crap TV show on friday night."

You see Lucy peeking at you to make sure you’re not playing superhero and you feel the way she’s measuring you. You look up and sigh.

"I assure you it’s okay. Enjoy your Friday night, I’ll probably go to bed early anyway."

This time it's Ona that Lucy looks through the rearview mirror but neither of them insists, to your relief. Being alone doesn't bother you. Once at home, Ona helps you get out of the vehicle and before she can open her mouth, you speak again.

"I promise, i'm fine Ona."

"All right. I’ll leave you alone on the condition that you swear on your cat’s head that you will write me if you're not okay."

"Leave the poor cat alone" you joke, making her smile. "I promise."

**********

The doorbell on your front door makes you frown. You’re sitting on your couch, a blanket on your legs and your cat on your stomach. Your sprain is better, it must be said that after a week and a half of rest it would be dramatic that this is not the case. You have resumed muscle training, but it is obviously out of the question that you start running again for now. You can now move without your crutches and it was a great relief to be able to get rid of them. Your ankle is still carefully immobilized but you are now doing quite well.

Salma left your apartment half an hour ago, and you’re supposed to stop receiving visitors. Your father phones you every day and hasn’t done it yet, but he has no reason to show up here unannounced. That’s really not his style.

The bell rings again, waking up your cat who is rustling a little before going to eat croquettes in the kitchen. So you get up from the couch and go to the door, opening it without removing the safety chain to see who it is. And almost immediately you close the door, but the fingers of Aitana who slip into the opening prevent you to do so.

"Don’t make me break your fingers"

"Just let me in"

"No? What the hell"

"Y/N, please…"

The despair of her voice makes you flinch and you press your forehead against the door. You’re too sensitive to people’s distress to leave someone with that feeling. Even if it was Aitana herself who put you in this emotion there a few weeks ago. You sigh and, already regretting your gesture, you open the door to let her in. You avoid looking at her when she enters your home, closing the door behind her.

"You have a cat?"

You refrain from pointing out that if she had been interested in you instead of making you regret your arrival, she would know. If you don’t talk about your cat several times during the day, there is a problem.

"How do you know where I live?"

Aitana stop looking at your cat who spread out on your plaid to turn to you. With your arms crossed, you wait for his answer with a certain hint of curiosity. Aitana has never set foot in your house and if you are not mistaken, she does not really live in the neighborhood.

"I asked Irene"

She shrugs and you signal her to settle down on the couch. You go back to your place, gently pushing your cat to be a little more comfortable. With a simple look he made you understand that you're annoying, making you smile gently. You caress him to apologize as he stretches, rolls into a ball and closes his eyes.

"I came to apologize"

Sitting on the edge of the couch, Aitana looks at you with the same suspicion as if she had been the last piece of meat in the middle of a horde of hungry lions.

"I’ve already heard that before" you answer by arching an eyebrow

"I know. But I just... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, really. My problems shouldn’t have affected you. I should have handled things differently, but I was confuse and scared."

She looks sincere and does not look away when you judge her with yours. Next to you your cat stretches lazily before turning around on the other side and continuing his nap.

"Ok. Apologizes accepted"

She looks at you so long it makes you uncomfortable. You have never been in her presence for so long and you find yourself nervously wrapping your hair around your finger.

"If I could, I would do things differently, you know? I understand it’s out of the question that something is happening between us now, but I would like to start all over again. Get to know you, possibly offer you a date and then two if things go well."

You’re slowly biting your lip looking at her. You’d be lying if you said that the words she said in the infirmary didn’t mark you. You were far from imagining that the reason for his behavior was related to an attraction to you. You think it’s pretty toxic, but you like to think people deserve a second chance. After biting your lip, you bend over and reach out to her.

"Well... Hi. I'm Y/N, nice to meet you."

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

Okay so you’ve done things with Child of Persephone reader and Nico and I loved those.

But I have an idea. Percy Jackson and daughter of Amphitrite. He has a step-sister now too lol. Could you platonic headcanons about their sibling dynamic?

Have a good day/night/evening!

⋆⭒˚.⋆ platonic! percy jackson x daughter of amphitrite! reader hcs

content: platonic! percy jackson x daughter of amphitrite! reader hcs warning: none i do not believe author's note: step siblings rise up frfr. platonic is so fun but also...tbh ran out of ideas lmao- I THINK ITS SHORT AND SWEET OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE-

you two were aware of each others presence but...didn't talk to start with

it was a tad bit awkward

you guys were relatively close in age, you were only a few months younger than percy

which could only mean that amphitrite found out about poseidon's infidelity and pulled an uno reverse card

i mean, you guys exchanged the brief conversation every now and then

"hey, do you think you could...ya know...tell your pegasus to stop trying to kill me?"

"sorry, he's, uh, hes not a big fan of your moms. oh, and could you tell the dolphins to stop knocking me off my surfboard...please?"

"sorry, they're not a big fan of your dad either."

obvi you both wanted to be closer, a shared yearning for the ocean that you felt like no one else would understand but it was just two awkward

until spring break, a year or so into you guys know each other

percy had been invited to spend his spring break with his dad and tyson at the palace and you'd gotten the same invitation from your mom

neither of you were aware the other had been invited until you showed, staring awkwardly at each other.

"oh, hey, jackson."

"sup, ln."

cue whistling to break the silence until your parents walk in, both of you heaving sighs of relief

but everything change the first night in poseidon and amphitrite's domain

percy had already changed into his fish pajamas, a sleep mask he'd stolen from annabeth nestled into his hair and about to be pulled over his eyes when there was a rapid knocking on his bedroom door

he frowned but spung it open to reveal you, buzzing excitement

"what's up-"

"come on! come on!" you cheered, cutting him off, grabbing his arm and dragging him as you raced off to gods know where

he really had no choice but to follow, but a smile slowly grew on his face as you dragged him to some large window

tons of fish were swimming around, schools and schools of brightly colored fish darting in and out of the coral and seaweed

large sharks loomed a bit higher up, but they were relatively docile, some even bumping against the glass like they wanted pets and bellyrubs

"look!" you all but screamed, pointing up and forcing percy to follow to where a huge whale shark was floating by

it locked eyes with the children of the sea and tilted it's massive fin in what could only be considered a wave

you squealed in excitement before plopping down, criss cross, to continue to watch the marine life

"i just thought you'd want to see it. you can go to bed if you'd like," you told percy, glancing up with him, nervousness creeping into your features as you realized what you've just done

"and miss the show? i don't think so," percy eased, waving his hand in dismissal as he sat down next to you

you two shared a small smile and nod, an understand of each other before turning your eyes back to the sea creatures

poseidon and amphitrite found their children the next morning slumped together before the window, drooling and snoring all over each other

from that point on, you and percy were a recipe for trouble

and then add tyson and it's a real mess

they have crazy ideas and tyson's just like 'i could build that'

and then they do

the most extravagant pranks, always signed with a doodle of a shark and a dolphin so people know who did it

like banksy but with pranks lmao

you both watch moana, religiously

once forced poseidon and amphitrite to watch it too, but with the added effects of you and percy doing the dances and singing the songs terribly off pitch

percy is moana and you are maui, always

you feel awkward the first time percy brings you home to his mom, proudly presenting you like you were a cat he found in a dumpster three blocks over

you're worried sally won't be your biggest fan bc of your mom but girl doesn't even care, pulling you into a tight hug and offering you cookies

and sometimes, following some epic prank on jason, you both just go and sit on the beach together

no words need to be shared, the water lapping at your toes more than enough comfort

"i can't believe at one point we weren't close," you'd mutter, youre words nearly lost in the sounds of the surf.

"seriously. now you're stuck with me for life," percy laughed, bumping his shoulder with yours

"brother from another mother or whatever," you giggled and percy rolled his eyes

"sister from another mister or something like that," percy tacked on, which just fueled the both of your laughs

the best of step siblings, even if they were a little awkward in the beginning

[cwritesforfun]

Art Donaldson x Fem!Reader: In Love

Y/N = Your Name

*** I do not own the Challengers characters or plot or anything from the movie ***

Masterlist

Y/N’s POV

You play tennis at Stanford and it’s great. You got a full-ride scholarship to play. You study management with a focus on Human Resources as well. It’s interesting to you.

You were Tashi Duncan's designated partner for practice until she got injured. She knocked on your door one late night and told you to win it all for her since she couldn't. It was intense, but you thanked her for her words. Once Tashi got injured, you were suddenly the one everyone watched on and off the court. It was terrifying because, until this point, you didn't even know if you wanted to play professionally. This changed everything and you were determined to make everyone proud.

You're sitting in the dining hall with your chicken wrap reading when you hear, "Hey Y/N. Could I join you for lunch?" You see Art Donaldson standing there smiling with his food and you say, "Sure, Art. Please sit." He smiles at you before sitting down and says, "So uh the College Championships are this weekend, are you nervous?" You answer, "Of course, why wouldn't I be? We all thought it would be Tashi taking the win and now all eyes are on me. I want to make everyone proud. It's nerve-wracking." He replies, "But you also have to make yourself proud in the process or it's not worth it." You nod and reply, "I know, but I think this season has just been very crazy and it hasn't set in for me, I still feel like this isn't my real life. Are you excited for the Championships?" He nods and answers, "I am, but I'm nervous. I know I've been improving a lot this year, but there's always room to grow." You reply, "On your backhand for example?" His eyes widen and he asks, "Are you serious?" You answer, "Yeah... if you want, we can practice together. I could use the extra practice." He replies, "Then you're on, Y/N."

You fall into an easy conversation with Art before exchanging numbers. You both practice together and it goes really well.

On the way to the Championships, you slide into your seat on the team bus and look out the window. You hear Art ask, "Hey, is this seat taken?" You shake your head and you reply, "Please join me." Art smiles and says, "I think you'll kill it today. I hope you know that I'm proud of you. I've seen how far you've come from the beginning to get to where we are now. You've come so far and grown into an amazing player. Not that you weren't before, but uh... everyone can always improve." You laugh and reply, "Thanks, Art. You know you have really pretty eyes." His face blushes bright pink and you ask, "Omg, are you blushing? That's so cute." He replies, "I think you're really cute and pretty too, for the record." You smile.

Art cheers loudly for you when you win your first match and even more when you win the Women's College Tennis Championship. The game ended and you could not be more shocked. You ran to hug your friends including, Art. They were all so excited for you. You all celebrate at the winner's party. Art even dances with you and makes sure you eat + drink lots of water. He's so sweet.

You and Art go on your first date then you go on weekly dates... you also practice together when you can.

You graduate college and you go professional in tennis. You call Art all the time and you try to visit him at least once a month or every two months depending on both of your schedules. You're both still happy and you realize you love him. You've fallen so in love with Art and you need to tell him. You plan out a practice schedule with your Coach and you start your drive to see him.

You arrive on campus and call Tashi who tells you that Art is headed to the dining hall for lunch right now. You park off campus since it's free and you run to the dining hall. You notice Art ordering food so you slide into the booth where you two first hit it off. It quickly became your booth together every time you ate together at the dining hall last year. You watch Art turn around, do a double take, and then run with his food to the booth. He sets his food down before you stand and hug him. He presses a kiss to the side of your head and says, "Oh I've missed you so much. I can't believe you're real and here. Wait why are you here?" He pulls away and you answer, "I missed you and needed to see you. I wanted to tell you something." He asks, "What's up? Should I be worried? Usually needing to talk is bad." You answer, "No, it's not bad. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Yeah, I love Art Donaldson. It's okay if you can't say it back yet, but I wanted you to know it." He smiles widely and exclaims, "Baby of course I love you back." You smile and you both kiss. He then asks, "Do you want something to eat? I can grab you the chicken wrap that you love from here. It will only take a minute." You nod and answer, "Pretty please, that sounds great." He kisses you on the side of the head again before going to grab you food.

You drive to Art's apartment after lunch and you show him your practice schedule. You decide to go with Art to practice tomorrow to surprise the teams. You want to see your old Coach and old team. You missed their energy and support.

As you lay in bed, Art exclaims, "I haven't been sleeping as well without you. I need your arms cuddling me to sleep." You ask, "Is that your way of asking if I want to cuddle?" He shrugs and says, "Please." You laugh and you wrap your arms around him. He rests his head next to yours and asks, "How did you know you loved me?" You answer, "Umm I've been falling in love with you the whole time we've been dating, but I realized I loved you like yesterday. I knew when you were texting me checking in with how I was and how attentive you were during our calls. I knew I needed to tell you in person because I missed you too." He replies, "I'm really glad you came to visit me. I've missed you so much. How long can you stay?" You answer, "I'm all yours for one week, baby." He smiles and you see him blushing. You ask, "When did you know you loved me?" He answers, "This is kind of embarrassing, but I've always fallen in love very fast. I started falling for you as soon as you told me that my eyes were pretty before the college championships you won." You smile and reply, "I remember that. It was so cute. I really wanted to tell you that I liked you right then, but I didn't know if would mess with our minds before the matches." He replies, "I would've dedicated the match to you and asked you out right then if you had. I really liked you after our first conversation." You reply, "I really liked you too. I thought you were into Tashi at first, which is why I also didn't say something sooner." He replies, "My Tashi phase was very short compared to my Y/N phase. I think I'll forever be in my Y/N phase." You reply, "Good to know. Good to know. I'm in my Art Donaldson forever phase too." He leans up and kisses you.

Art goes professional and graduates within the next year. You both move in together and try to attend as many matches as you can in the same tournaments. You support each other publicly and it gains a lot of attention from brands. You become a brand ambassador for a sportswear brand and a dress brand. It's very exciting for you. Life is good.

Art supports you when you quit tennis 3 years later ... when he asks why, you have to tell him that you're pregnant... he starts crying happy tears.

You start a job at a management agency and you use your time off to attend some of Art's matches. He is excited for you to be working and he treats you like a Princess anytime he's around you. You find out you're having a girl and he helps you design the bedroom.

You're both currently visiting Stanford ... Art wouldn't tell you why. It was weird. He just told you to request time off for 3 days and you both drove to Stanford. You walk into the dining hall and you see flowers on the table you both used to sit at. Art picks them up and exclaims, "Y/N, this table is where we both started liking each other and where we both said I love you for the first time. I felt it was the only place to do this... Y/N I've loved you for 5 years and I want more of them with you. With you and our future baby girl by my side, I know I can do anything. You make me feel loved and understood. You radiate such joy and positivity that I adore. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." He kneels on the ground and asks, "Y/N, will you marry me?" You feel the tears on your face and smile. He's literally perfect. You exclaim, "Yes I'll marry you, Art." You both kiss.

You get married at a courthouse on one of your free weekends because Art said he couldn't wait to be with you forever. Your family was sad but also so happy. You reassured them that you'd have a fun summer gathering with both families to celebrate.

....................

BRB...writing some for Patrick and Tashi too... maybe more Art... let me know... I can tag you, lmk that too... teehee thanks for reading

Masterlist

[trashedork]

Amabel Hightower Short Story Introduction

Words: 1,003 Note: I decided to write a short story introducing Amabel. You can read more about her here. She co-exists with Kate who is paired up with William. Also, I apologize if the boys are OOC. I only play the EN version of the game and have only read a few translations. Header made by @/natimiles

“Good morning, everyone!��

The morning light poured through the sheer curtains, casting a warm glow over the dining room where Amabel made her grand entrance. Her gray eyes scanned the area before landing on the lone vacant chair beside Elbert, who silently looked up from his plate to acknowledge her presence. Without skipping a beat, Amabel slid into the seat with a warm smile.

Victor’s deep chuckle resonated through the room, a pleasant sound that added to the morning ambiance. “Good morning, Miss Amabel! You sound like you’re in a good mood. Did something happen?” 

Eyes sparkling with excitement, Amabel couldn't contain her joy as she shared her news. “I’m just excited about the play that Liam and I are going to perform soon. Did I ever tell you that I got the role of Rosaline from Romeo and Juliet?”

“Oh, yes, you did mention it. But it’s wonderful news! You'll be fantastic in that role.”

“Hehe. I know, right?”

Elbert, who had been observing Amabel quietly, turned to Alfons, seated next to him, and in a hushed voice, posed a question. “Al, does Amabel look beautiful right now?”

“Yes. She looks beautiful like always.” The young man replied with a mischievous smile.

“I see...”

Amabel's laughter bubbled up at the edge of the conversation, her eyes crinkling with amusement as she caught wind of Elbert and Alfons' exchange. “Oh, my. Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Alfons.” Her eyes widened as realization set in and glanced at the surrounding men. “Ah. That’s right. That girl is going to be staying with us for a month.” 

Narrowing her eyes with a frown, she continued. “Hm… I don’t know how to feel. Having another girl here would be fun. I could spill some of your secrets to her if I wanted to. On the other hand, you wouldn't pay attention to me anymore.”

“You really are a brat, aren’t ya?” Jude said as he and Ellis entered the room. He took a seat in a vacant chair and leaned back, rocking back and forth slightly out of boredom.

“Me? A brat? Never!” Amabel retorted with feigned hurt, placing a hand dramatically over her chest. “I’ve been good ever since joining Crown! And before that as well! From the looks of it, the Fairytale Keeper is one too.”

Roger set his fork down after taking a bite of his breakfast, a smirk playing on his lips. “Heh. Looks like you have some competition, lil lady.”

“Hehe. I suppose I do.” Turning towards Liam who was sitting across from her, Amabel propped her chin on her hands, teasing him with a question. “Hey, Liam. Who do you think is cuter? Me or Miss Fairytale Keeper?”

“Hm… That’s hard. Both of you are. I can’t choose just one.” He hummed with a soft smile, his magenta eyes meeting hers.

William dabbed the corner of his mouth with his napkin before placing it down onto the table. “The little robin will certainly be an interesting asset.” 

“She better keep her promise. Otherwise…” Jude’s calm tone belied the warning glint in his eyes, a subtle implication of the consequences awaiting any breach of trust.

“She didn’t seem to be lying about not keeping it earlier.” Harrison intervened with a measured voice, his gaze calm yet piercing. 

Amabel clapped her hands together, her eyes alight with mischief. “Good! I would hate to get rid of such an innocent girl like her. Although..." Her eyes sparkled with a hint of danger. "If she does tell anyone, can I be the first one to kill her?"

"Absolutely not!" Victor swiftly interjected, his face displaying a grave demeanor. "Who else will record our evil deeds if she were to perish?"

Jude clicked his tongue, expressing his irritation. "We don't need someone like her. We were fine before she came here."

"Now, now. Calm down. Miss Robin will be a wonderful contribution to Crown."

Liam nodded his head, smiling brightly. "Yeah. I agree with Victor. I wanna know what she'll say about me."

"Me too. I hope she'll write about me a lot." Amabel agreed with a giggle.

"You two... You guys are always like this." Harrison sighed.

William let out a faintly foreboding chuckle, unveiling a smile filled with amusement. "I, too, am intrigued. I'm eager to see what our beloved robin will come up with."

As breakfast came to an end, the clinking of plates and the murmurs of conversation gradually faded away. The maids swiftly cleared the table, and the members of Crown dispersed to attend to their respective tasks and responsibilities. 

Amabel prepared to retreat to her room, but was stopped by Ellis, his voice soft and earnest. A gentle smile graced his features as he spoke with sincerity, "I like it when you smile, Miss Amabel. It suits you."

"Thank you, Ellis. You're very kind, you know." She replied, her lips instinctively quirking upwards. 

“I’ll always make you happy. No matter what.”

Amabel gave him a nod. Ever since she joined Crown, she had always heard him say that. It was strange at first, but she had gotten used to it over time. Somehow, it made her happy. It was as if she was special to someone. Needed. “Thank you. Well, I’ll see you later. Bye, Ellis.” 

“Mhm. See you later.”

Watching Ellis retreat into the corridor, his silhouette bathed in the morning light, Amabel felt a sense of contentment settle within her. In the quiet moments shared with him, she found a kindred spirit, a companion who understood her in ways she had yet to comprehend.

With her lips forming into a cunning grin, her thoughts wandered to the Fairytale Keeper. A pure-hearted maiden coexisting with a group of vile creatures... The atmosphere at Crown Castle was bound to become even more lively and disorderly with her presence. Yet, that was precisely what Amabel relished.

Perhaps she could demonstrate to the Fairytale Keeper the ways of the castle, all the while ensuring she understood her position. After all, she was the one who truly belonged in the spotlight.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲

A/N: Just wanted to put a disclaimer here to say that I don’t condone any of what Billy has done on the show. I really don’t like canon Billy, but fandom Billy has me in a chokehold. Also I’m sure this is obvious, but this series takes place in an AU where Billy and Eddie didn’t die because fuck the Duffers for killing off interesting characters because they’re too chicken to kill off their core main cast. 

18+ only, MINORS DNI

You were ready for the ground to swallow you up. Of all the people for the bottle to land on did it really have to be Billy Hargrove, asshole extraordinaire? He’d had his way with most of the girls in Hawkins your age and even some of the older women that drooled over him at the swimming pool. You didn’t think there was one girl over the age of eighteen that he hadn’t at least fingered in the locker rooms at the pool. He was a ladies man through and through, many of those women having their hearts broken in the process. You were grateful that he’d never laid his eyes on you in that way or tried to pursue you. However, that didn’t stop you at least being a little bit curious.

“Jesus, let’s just get this over with quickly before I die of boredom.” His monotonous tone of voice reminded you of why being curious was a bad idea, huffing when he yanked you up off the floor and dragged you into the guest room.

You ripped your arm out of his grasp and scowled at him. “Manhandle me like that again and you’ll be getting castrated real quick.”

His laugh was irritating as he looked you up and down. “And who’ll be doing that, huh? You?”

“Just get in the closet already and shut the fuck up.”

He smirked but did as you demanded, bending his head down a little as he climbed in. You hauled yourself in after him and realised very quickly that there wouldn’t be enough room for you both to stand up the way you were. Why would there be? He was a big man with broad shoulders and took up most of the space.

“Don’t leave me hanging, baby. C’mere.” Before you could protest, Billy had pulled you closer and somehow managed to turn both of you around so that you were leaning up against the wood, his hands over your head boxing you in. You could barely make out his features in the dim light of the closet’s exterior, but you didn’t need to see to know that his eyes were on you.

You licked your lips anxiously at how close he was to you. You hadn’t been this close to him before, only looking at him from afar and exchanging a minimal amount of conversation any time he joined the group. Before everything had happened with the Mindflayer the previous summer, he’d hated everyone’s guts and wouldn’t have been caught dead near any of you. However, almost dying in Starcourt had made him realise that he needed to change his behaviour and attitude. Almost a year had passed since then and whilst he wasn’t a completely changed man, he was a little kinder to everyone and more bearable to be around.

“You know,” he began, startling you out of your thoughts, “Max is always telling me that I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and were grateful at how dark it was currently. “We didn’t want you to die. We just did what was right.”

“I’m talking about you specifically. I don’t remember shit, but she said you pushed me out of the way and ended up taking a hit for me.”

Sighing, you ran a hand down your face. “Yeah, well, I didn’t wanna just stand around and watch you die. Enough people died last summer without you being added to the list.”

An involuntary shiver ran down your spine when you felt his thumb and index finger tilt your chin up as if he was looking into your eyes.

“You could’ve left me to die. I was ready to go.”

His words left you momentarily stunned. You and Billy had never really talked about what happened to him because you’d made the conscious decision to never be alone with him for too long. Out of everyone in the group, it was Eddie that had reached out to him the most because of their shared interests in music, drugs, and feeling like the outsider in a group of people that hated them. You’d never paused to think about what Billy had felt or what he’d gone through.

Billy’s breath against your lips made you acutely aware of the fact that he’d leaned in closer to you. “Why don’t you let me show you how grateful I am, hm? Might as well do something to pass the time until we’re allowed to leave.”

You swallowed, nodding before you realised that he probably couldn’t see you. “Y-yeah. Sure. Why not?”

He chuckled at the way you stammered and before you knew it his lips were moving against yours, the hand that had been holding your chin now making its way into your hair. Your eyes fluttered closed as your fingers gripped the front of his shirt. His lips were soft and slightly slick with spit as he continued to kiss you. Your heart was hammering in your chest while your brain tried to register how uncharacteristically gentle he was being. You’d expected him to slam you against the side of the closet and pull your hair, tongue thrusting into your mouth and teeth clacking. It was a pleasant surprise to find that he wasn’t as rough as you assumed he’d be. The tip of his tongue flicked teasingly against your bottom lip, and you opened your mouth to accommodate him.

“Mm, you taste good,” he purred against your lips, briefly breaking the kiss before his other hand hitched up your leg and encouraged you to wrap it around his waist. His fingers dug into your thigh as he slotted himself between your legs. Your chest was pressed up against his and you were almost certain he could feel your heart racing.

The sudden feeling of his hand squeezing your ass and pulling your hips against his had you gasping into the kiss, his fingers know longer tangled into your hair. You felt something prodding against your lower body and you couldn’t help but whimper when it ground against you. Your tongue rubbed against his and ran over the backs of his teeth, unsure what he liked or wanted. Whatever you were doing, it had him growling into the kiss as he began to rhythmically rock his hips against yours. Your hands scrambled to tug his hair, throwing caution to the wind as you both tilted your heads in different directions for better access. You moaned lightly when you felt Billy smack your ass and he chuckled against your lips.

“Didn’t peg you as someone who liked it rough,” he commented before proceeding to start kissing his way down your neck. Your hips jerked against his when he sunk his teeth in, his tongue quickly licking at the mark before he started sucking the tender skin.

“I’m – mm – not usually.” You whined as he lapped at the place he’d bitten and sucked, likely leaving a hickey in his wake. “You bring it out in me.”

You felt him smirk and chuckle against you. “Oh, do I now? Wonder what else I can bring out in you.”

You desperately ground against him, the friction exhilarating. “Why don’t you give it a go and see, big boy?”

A euphoric smile tugged at your lips when he smacked your ass again, his teeth grazing against you.

“Is that a challenge, sweetheart?” The way the pet name sounded spilling from his lips sent heat straight to your groin. It was a name that you never would’ve thought he’d call anybody, but it sounded absolutely sinful the way he said it.

Just as you were about to pull him back in for another kiss, two loud knocks sounded on the closet door. You both froze your moments, dismayed that you’d already ran out of time.

“Come on out, lovebirds. It’s time for someone else to have a go,” Robin called to the two of you from the other side of the door. You heard her footsteps as she left to return to Steve’s room and reluctantly untangled yourselves from one another.

The air outside the closet was notably cooler as you stepped out, Billy following after you with a hand on your hip. Before you could force yourself to go back to Steve’s room, he spun you around and brushed his thumb across your bottom lip.

“How about we ditch this party and pick up where we left off at my place?” he asked, his voice low and sultry as he stared into your eyes.

You felt your face grow hot under his gaze. “Who says we have to go back to yours?”

The way he grinned down at you had heat rushing down to your groin once again. You realised now how it was that he managed to hook up with so many women and somehow get away with it. Damn fucker was an expert at it after all.

“I like the way you think,” he purred before grabbing your hand and leading you into another guest room, the two of you ignoring the shouts from the others.

[loganscroftersstash]

the eye of the storm.

platonic loceit/dlampr

—

hello gang

it has been… a while since i’ve written sanders sides content. i was into it for years before i dropped it and now i’ve picked it back up again. i forgot how much i loved this series. i’ve been rewatching it and remembered just how much i was so excited for the reveal of the super mysterious and spooky orange side, and i got a little pang of inspiration from the working through intrusive thoughts aside video. here is some really shitty angst/comfort; it’s been a while so my characterizations may be off, apologies in advance. and also my apologies for the spacing— i wrote this on docs and i didn’t realize the spacing would be so wide. sorry!!

scroll to v end for authors notes!

—

The date with Nico had gone so good! Thomas was reeling him in hook, line, and sinker; and Remus was able to be contained for the whole time! Sure, he had some moments, but nothing that none of them couldn’t handle. Now, as the sun set and shades of fuchsia and orange painted the sky above the exhibit, everyone decided it was time to go home.

The moment Thomas began to walk back all of the sides sank out, reappearing in his mind in an all too familiar routine. Remus was the only one absent for their outing, everyone else should have been here.

While Roman and Patton were happily reminiscing about the date, exchanging compliments and giggles, Virgil glanced around. He refused to glance in a certain serpent’s direction, but the room still felt empty.

Something was off.

Was it the coffee table? Couch? Maybe the blanket…?

Click.

“Where’s Logan?”

That seemed to break Roman and Patton from their conversation, and they both turned to look at Virgil.

“…Hey, yeah! Where’s our Logan?” Patton asked.

“Oh, who cares! He’s probably sulking because Thomas went out and had fun with the cutest frickin’ guy ever!” Roman proclaims, overly dramatic as always.

Patton puts his hands on his hips. “Now, Roman. Be nice to Logan! He was just trying to get Thomas to be productive— ya can’t argue the state of his home is a little…”

“Revolting?” Virgil finishes the sentence for him.

“I was gonna say icky, but that works too!” Patton grins at Virgil. “But anyway, don’t get mad at him for trying to help!”

“Pfft— help. Nerd.” Roman chuckles, earning a slight glare from Patton. “He could try to help by not getting in the way of our already non-existent love life!”

“You know, Patton’s right, Roman.” Janus murmurs from his corner. “Your twin gave him quite the bit of trouble today…”

Roman straightens his posture, almost defensive, as he glares at the slimy fiend. “What do you mean? What did that mangy mongrel do to him?”

Janus shrugs. “Oh. Nothing. I’m sure you wouldn’t care about that, Logan is just a speed bump on the road to love, and all that…” He says dismissively.

“Tell. Me.” Roman insists, moving closer towards Janus. “What did he do?”

Janus examines his glove, almost unbothered before he looks up at Roman. “Well…”

Roman glares. A silent message to get it the hell over with.

“When Thomas was up in the wee hours of the night, Logan and him decided on a new schedule. You know how those work out for Thomas.”

“Yeah. They don’t.” Roman murmured.

“Mhm. Usually it’s just because Thomas is more… spontaneous. Carefree, if you will. He likes to jump from task to task. Doing a list can be overwhelming, but Logan was just so dedicated to helping him stick to it. And poor Thomas even wanted to do it!…”

“…Jan. You lied, kiddo.”

“Whatever.” Janus shrugs. “Anyways. Remus decided to make Logan’s life a living hell by trying to kill or maim Thomas or Logan himself, but usually he ended up hurting himself.”

“Is that where the sparkly green eyepatch came from?!” Roman gasped.

“…Yes.” Janus murmured. “Anyways. Logan tried to reason with him and—”

“Is no one gonna ask why he knows all this?!” Virgil interjects.

Janus huffs. “Are ANY of you going to let me talk?!” He sighs. “And before you ask, I listen. To everything. Are there ANYMORE questions before I answer the first one?!”

Patton raises his hand for a moment before it shoots back down.

“Perfect. Great. Back to what I was saying… Logan confronted Remus after a few failed attempts and tried to reason with him, because this was one of the few times he’s actually gotten Thomas on a schedule and he tried to stick to it. So, you can tell why he’d be a little irritated about his incessant attempts at getting him off task.”

Roman raises a brow. “And…?”

“Logan screamed at him.”

“Oh.” Roman chuckles. “Yeah, he does that—”

“His eyes shone orange.”

A silence fell over the room. There was a silent, unspoken yet unified agreement that they all knew what that meant. And they knew it was bad.

Virgil was the first to break the silence. “…fuck.”

“…Did… Thomas? See? Do we have to have another confrontation so soon?!” Patton gasped.

“No. No he didn’t. Remus mocked him for the outburst almost instantly and as far as I’m aware, the interaction was over after that.”

“…What made Logan lose his cool that badly over something like that?” Roman hummed.

Janus rolled his eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. How about the fact that you all ignore him?”

“How dare you! I don’t ignore Mark Zucker-nerd; I just don’t listen to him!”

“…Roman. Buddy. That’s ignoring.”

Roman paused, looking down. “…so it is! But either way— we don’t ignore him, Janus. It isn’t my fault he never has anything helpful to add!”

“Oh, please. Logan is literally the embodiment of Logic. He’s resolved how many of these past issues? Logan does the most and gets the least reward, Roman. You have the most influence over our host, followed by Patton and Virgil. Maybe lately me and Remus have had a little fun taking the wheel every now and again— but when was the last time you let Logan make a big decision? You decided to skip the callback, you decided to go on the date. All Logan gets influence on is his little passion project, which he’s probably abandoned at this point because I seriously doubt there’s much passion left in him.”

Janus’ rant has left the other sides staring; Roman in disbelief, mostly at the audacity, Patton in shame, and Virgil in guilt. Deep down, they knew Janus was right.

“…Okay. Maybe I’ve been… a little… controlling.” Roman murmured.

“A lot.” Janus hummed.

Patton leans over to him, “Hey, Jan— kiddo. Small wins.”

“Right, Patton,” He whispers back, sighing. “Anyway. I suggest we try to make this up to Logan one way or another. After we make sure he’s alright.”

“I’m not checking on him. I love the guy, but if I step ten feet near conflict I’ll throw up and die.” Virgil mumbles, throwing his hood up.

“Logan doesn’t usually take comfort from me all that well. I think he finds it kinda patronizing…” Patton frowns. “But I’d be happy to try!”

“No, you're right… and he’d only think I was mocking him.” Roman murmured.

One by one, all their eyes drift to Janus.

“…You want me to go in there. Don’t you.”

“Well, yeah! You’re the most neutral with him! Logan doesn't know you super well and while I’m sure he didn’t appreciate your impersonating of him, I think you see eye to eye with him on a lotta stuff! That helps!” Patton grinned. “You might be the best candidate for this kinda thing.”

Virgil sighs. “….I can’t believe I’m agreeing with this… but yeah. Janus is the best candidate for this particular job…”

“…Of course. Fine. I’ll go check on him.” Janus huffs. He leaves his little corner in the shadows, brushing past the other three and making his way down the hallway. It doesn’t take him long to reach Logan’s door. Usually there’s light peeking from underneath the door, but that’s absent this time. Hmm…

Janus knocks three times.

Usually a “one moment” or a “come in” would follow. But there is silence.

Janus waits a moment, before knocking again, this time accompanying it with a “Logan? You alright?”

He’s met with silence again.

Janus sighs, placing his hand on the doorknob and twisting slowly. He pushes the door open, peeking in just a bit to get an idea of what he’s getting himself into.

The moment the door opens just a crack it’s blown open with immeasurable force, pulling Janus inside and slamming the door behind him. The room is barely a room anymore— more so a culmination of wind. Janus can make out a few objects— calendars with black and red marker scribbled over the dates, some books and some pages torn from them, blank sheets of paper, and a few pens and little knickknacks. Glancing around quickly, Janus realizes there’s a soft, barely there orange glow coming from the center of the room.

Fuck.

“Logan!” Janus calls, trying to push his way through but inevitably getting pushed back against the door. “Logan, let me in! I will help!”

There’s some sort of loud noise, but Janus can barely make it out throughout the pounding sound of wind against his ears.

Fine. Be difficult. It takes a lot of strength, and a lot of mental willpower, but he’s able to carve out a path directly into the eye of the storm. Janus heaves a bit as he walks, immediately taking note of Logan.

He’s… never seen the other so distressed. And honestly, it stings.

Logan is sat on the floor on his knees, hunched over and sobbing. Janus has never seen him cry, never heard it either. But this is just too much…

“…Logan?” He calls quietly, softly. Trying his best not to startle the other.

Said side looks up with a horrified gaze. His eyes gleam with amber tones and the best descriptor Janus has at the moment is overwhelmed.

“Calm down, calm down.” Janus shushes, kneeling to Logan’s level. Instinctively, Logan tries to back away, and Janus lets him. He gives Logan his space. “Deep breaths. Breathe…”

And he tries. All he can manage is panicked and shaky short breaths that can’t be delivering much air to his brain. Janus could see this plain as day. “Logan. Think you’re stable enough to talk?”

Logan glances up and after a moment's hesitation, he nods quickly.

“Five things you can see. Can you do that for me?”

Logan glances around quickly. “Books.” He murmurs, almost rapid as he speaks. “…Calendar. Marker. Pen…” He looks around again. “Cube.”

“Alright. Good. Four things you can feel?”

“…Clothes. Glasses.” His tone is almost robotic, despite it being watery. “Wind… and… and… and the floor.”

Janus can see and feel the wind slowing, even if just a little bit.

“Good. How about three things you can hear?”

“You. Me. Wind.”

“Almost done. Two things you can smell?”

“Um…” Logan panics again. Another question he can’t answer. Of course. “Cologne? Maybe… and… and…”

“Focus, Logan. You’re okay. It’s okay.”

“…Ink.”

“Good. Last one. One thing you can taste.”

“Salt…”

The wind slows to a stop. All the objects fall from where they were propelled. They could deal with that later.

“See? You’re okay. It’s okay.”

Logan looks up, eyes still watery and overflowing with tears. He’s shaking. The word that comes to Janus’ mind is helpless. He knows it’d make Logan worse so he decides to keep that thought inside.

“Now. Would you like to talk about this?”

“I don’t know how!” His tone is surprisingly aggressive, but it doesn’t seem like Logan. It’s out of character for him. He’s crumbling. “I don’t know how to… to talk about this! I’ve never— I’ve never felt so… so…”

“Breathe, Logan.” Janus offers. “It’s alright. Just—”

“LET ME TALK.” Logan shouts; the ferocity of the moment is only comparable to earlier when Remus had pushed too far.

And Janus falls silent. He doesn’t take it personally. He knows it isn’t— Logan is just so overcome with it all he’s lost control. He knows just how bad they can be.

And Logan realizes just what he’s done a moment after, and he falls back into helpless sobs, curling around himself. He feels so fucking awful. Not only is he useless, but he’s an asshole too. Another flaw to add to the ever growing list.

“Logan, I know you’re overwhelmed…” Janus reaches a hand out to touch, but he hesitates, and quickly lets it fall back to his side. “Tell me what’s going on. What’s got you so upset?”

Logan hesitates speaking, before he sobs out his words, “I’m so awful, Janus…”

“If this is about today, you’re not. Remus is especially heinous and you know that—”

“It isn’t just today!” He shouts. “It’s getting harder and harder to do my job and get through to him— I-I’m not good enough, Janus. I can’t do anything anymore! I used to be able to… to do everything, and it was fine. My calendars were in perfect order, I kept the others in check while maintaining a balance— I wasn’t a fucking emotional wreck!” Logan sobs, looking up at Janus desperately. “I’m useless. I can’t— I’m not—”

“Logan. You’re magnetizing.” Janus murmurs.

“Magnifying.” He corrects.

“See? You’re still capable of doing your job. And you still do your job just fine.” Janus puts a gentle hand on his shoulder, smoothing over the wrinkled shirt. “Everyone’s been in chaos these last few months… and that’s partly me and Remus’ fault. We haven’t been easy adjustments.” He sighed. “But,” And he holds up his finger with a dramatic pause, “You of all people have been the most versatile. You put forth your best effort Logan— more so than the other sides have. You know that.”

“But my best isn’t good enough.”

“It is. It is. You don’t believe it is, but it is.” Janus assures. “It isn’t your fault you’re getting overshadowed.”

“Perhaps if my methods were different, if my tactics were better—”

“Shhh.” Janus presses his finger to Logan’s lips, effectively silencing him momentarily.

“Logan. You’re doing nothing wrong.”

“Then why am I getting ignored?”

Janus didn’t have an answer immediately. And he could tell that upset Logan even further, despite the fact he was trying to conceal his tears.

“I don’t know, Logan. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “But I’ll never ignore you. You know that, right?”

He sniffles, nodding.

“…Do you want a hug?”

Logan hesitates for a long moment, as if weighing the pros and cons. Potential comfort and warmth, but also a huge dent in his reputation.

This was a pretty big dent too. Fuck it.

“…Please.”

Janus wraps his arms around Logan, hugging him tightly. “You’re alright. It’s alright..” He murmurs. “You’re okay.”

While Logan quietly cried into Janus’ shoulder, the scaly of the two silently wills the objects back into their places. He doesn’t need Logan even more stressed.

“Do you feel better?”

Logan nods, swallowing thickly. His throat feels scratchy…

“…I don’t think I’ve ever felt those… those feelings so… intensely.” He cringes at the word; it feels sticky and wrong on his tongue.

“I know… but it’s all over now. You’re calmer. Your room isn’t a tornado.”

Logan blinks, glancing up. “Oh. I was…” He looks around quickly. “Everything is in its place…?”

“I put it back. I know mess overwhelms you.”

Logan can’t help the microscopic smile.

“Thank you, Janus… I… apologize for all this.”

“Don’t mention it. It was out of your control. Now,” He pulls away slightly. “Do you need me to stay? I’m more than happy to.”

Logan thinks for a moment, and then shakes his head. “No. I believe some time alone would benefit me. I need to ‘recharge,’ if you will.”

Janus stands and makes his way to the door. “Alright. If you need anything else, you know where my room is.”

“I do. Again, thank you.”

“No worries, Logan. That’s what friends are for.”

—

(i wrote these authors notes as i wrote the story; i didn’t wanna stick them in as i wrote so i put them all at the end.)

authors note: i forgot how vividly i imagined their headspace; even down to the order of the doors. in case you’re wondering, the hallway of their rooms (which you enter from the right side) goes from left to right as such: virgil, logan, roman, and patton. the dark sides have their own separate wing (because of course they do)

authors note 2: i feel like sides have a lot more willpower and control in the headspace than we originally think— and the dark sides seem to be more powerful than the core 4 so they have an easier time doing stuff like that. obviously since deceit can transform into any of the sides— which i feel like the other sides can do but choose not to?? if they can become thomas’ friends they should be able to transform into each other,,— and remus can summon objects outside of the mind palace and headspace— we’ve seen other sides with fidgets or swords or little caps but never anything like super big i don’t think? it’s been a while hah

authors note 3: i’m trying to make up some shit about the orange side while also keeping it vague so it’s not too specific. mostly cause i want this to be logan centric but also i want this to have the best chance at holding up after he is revealed

authors note 4: logan may be the logic side but he is also the autism side

authors note 5: this just became a loceit fic but i’m not even mad. logan x anyone supremacy

authors note 6: this just became a self projection fic but i’m not even mad. logan x self projection supremacy

authors note 7: i didn’t know how to end this so have some weird janus and logan

okay hi!! finally done writing. got this done in like… two hours shockingly. i speed ran this fr

no beta read we die like men.

reblog if you enjoyed!!

[theviridianbunny]

Under the Starlight - James Vega x Zachary Shepard

In the final hours before reaching earth - two soldiers spend a quiet moment under the starlight.

I'm taking a bit of my own advice I gave my irl bestie @withoutyouimsaskia last year- I'm being brave and posting my writing here- this mini fic has been in my drafts for over a year now!! finally got it done!! Fic is under the cut- this is also avilabe to read over on my AO3 .... I've kinda always struggled to write- but I still greatly enjoy writing - even if it takes a long time for me to create/ even when my brain is in 75 places at once!! I think proof reading is the worst part for me uGH BUT ANYWAY i really hope you enjoyed reading- i really enjoyed writing this !! ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊

The final battle was upon the crew of the Normandy, the air inside the ship was thick and tense. Zachary had excused herself from the mission brief with Hacket as soon as she could. Normally she would sit for a momet with a cup of coffee- makeup up some sort of plan- or gathered her thoughts in the company of her crew.  But not this time...

She’d excused herself Without too many words or acknowledgement to the rest of her crew, She’d retreated to her cabin.  Not wanting them to see her full of this anxiety and all these big feelings.  Hearing Liara call to her to sit with her for a moment, The commander turned to her dear friend, saying how she needed a moment to herself, and she’d be down soon… 

Zachary Shepard, She was a beacon of hope to the galaxy. At least, that's what she’d been telling herself.   She had to be strong not only for her crew, but for the galaxy. It felt like the fate of everything rested on her shoulders.  

There was approximately four hours to kill until they reached earth. Setting the lights in her cabin to a dim mode the cabin glowed with a soft purple light. The cabin was also illuminated by the large fish tank that was full of beautiful tropical fish and two small jellyfish. 

She’d changed out of her dress uniform into something comfy ( Zachary opting for a pair of sweatpants and a soft cotton black T-shirt. Her N7 embroidered hoodie draped over her shoulders)  She carefully placed her dog tags on the bedside cabinet. They were down neatly next to a  photograph that had been taken on shore leave, at the citadel.       

It was a photo of her and her dearest friend, Liara T’soni. The photo was a “candid shot”, taken by EDI. It showed The commander and Liara sitting together at the citadel praesidium, mid conversation.  Liara beaming ear to ear as Zachary cracked a joke.    Zachary couldn’t remember what she’d been joking about, but the photo held fond memories.  

The recent shore leave to the citadel had brought Zachary closer to her crewmates.  In particular, one lieutenant James Vega.

During the times where Zachary was on what she called “house arrest”. Her ship grounded, her crew scattered out across the galaxy.   Over the period of time she was grounded, Zachary grew to know Jmes not only as a co-worker, but as a friend too… they'd flirted a little with each other a little as well… Hell - The two had been skirting around each other awkwardly until they eventually gave into their feelings and shared an intimate moment together on the balcony of Hakket’s citadel apartment. 

Nothing more than a kiss and a deep talk about human connection, but that was all they’d needed in that moment.  Exchanging Words of longing, lust and devotion.  Emotional vulnerability- baring all to each other. 

The idea of intimacy and so much more - a fantasy. One that may have bloomed into something in another life…

Zachary confessed in that moment- that in another life- she’d like to have settled down with him. They’d have a house by the beach and a chocolate Labrador Retriever…

The memory of shore leave on her mind- the commander lost in the moment for a little too long… Coming back into the present-  She decided it’d be best for her to cut her hair. Catching her reflection in the fishtank and running her hands through her hair. 

So- she paced to the bathroom and stripped down to her vest and pants- grabbed her clippers from the cabinet and placed them onto the counter.  The commander looked at herself in the mirror- she looked tired. Her fair skin was blotchy and dry- dark circles under her eyes. Small patches of skin scarring from where she’d picked it with anxiety.  The battle scaring up her right cheek was all the more prominent at this moment. Cerberus was to blame for that set of scars…

Her grape purple hair had grown out too long over the months- she wanted to look and feel like herself… she'd always wanted to keep her appearance sharp and neat- but she'd been slipping… She’d not worn any makeup when attending meetings or going out on missions.  Zachary was known for her bold lipstick choices… Choosing dark colours that made her feel confident..   Looking to and then Picking up the clippers- she took them to her hair and shaved off all her hair that had  grown out. Shaving her hair Down to a grade 2 buzzcut. The cut hair falling into the sink basin- Zachary would tidy it all later…  She'd also fix up the fine hairs on her neck- tidying the cut clean if she had time before arriving at earth.  She would also put on her favourite lipstick.. A deep sage green.

But for now- this would do.  Looking at herself in the mirror- she tried her best to smile.. Trying her best to not feel hopeless. She was trying her best. 

After Freshening up in the shower- she got dressed- back into the clothing she wore before  and  picked up her boots. 

Inspecting them as she sat on the side of her bed…  noticing how beaten and tattered the laces had become. 

She grumbled. Thinking if she’d planned her time better, she could've gotten new laces or given her boots one last polish. Feeling like she had to keep up appearances.  Even if she was going to die- and going to send her men and women to their deaths too….

She slipped on her boots, the commander struggled to tie her laces. Feeling like she had the dexterity of a dear on a frozen lake.  

As she tried again- she heard EDI speak to her over the normandy’s intercom. 

“Lieutenant Vega is requesting a meeting with you Commander, May I send him up to your quarters?” 

With a somewhat displeased grumble, Zachary replied

“Sure thing EDI…” With a sigh, “Thank you” she added quietly. Zachary continued to attempt to tie her laces. 

She swore at Vega under her breath.  She’d told everyone she wanted to be alone… 

What could be so important- what could he want?! 

–

The commander had been so focused on trying to tie her laces that she didn’t even see or hear James enter the cabin. Until he coughed so announce his presence.  Zachary looked up from her boots, with a frustrated grimmiss, she grunted in acknowledged to the lieutenant, she continued to fumble with them. Determined to get them done up.  She wasn’t going to let a pair of laces defeat her- not when she’d faced far greater enemies- like a clone of herself or an actual reaper! 

A sigh laced with defeat escaped her lips, her hands shaking. She felt overwhelmed by everything.  Letting go of the lace, Zachary slammed her hands onto the bedding she sat on, gripping the sheets and balling her fists.  Zachary scrunched her eyes shut and swore under her breath, before she composed herself as best she could and tried to tie her laces again.   

The commander was dead panned and focused on this until  James came to her and  took a hold of her hands, pulling them away.  She’d not realised how worked up she had become…   Grounding her and bringing her back into the moment,  James held Zachary’s hands for a good few moments and gave them a firm reassuring squeeze. His thumbs moving in small circles over the backs of Zachary's hands…  He then let go- then without any words, he got down on his knees and began to tie the laces of Zachary’s left boot. A subtle sign of worship and devotion.  

This fast rush of emotion running through Zachary, she looked up to the ceiling of her cabin, staring through the skylight, watching the stars pass her. A blush scattering over her cheeks,  She tried her best to not feel vulnerable in this moment of intimacy between the two.  

“I don’t need help with my laces.” She quietly protested… she felt embarrassed, for lack of a better word or emotion.  She was the sharpest shooter in the godforsaken Galaxy- she didn't need help with something as mundane and childish as tying boot laces. Her eyes travelled down to James and she watched him tie her laces.

“Well- if I didn't help you'd be trying to do them up until we got to earth! ” optimism James’s voice.  

James worked with precision, tying the laces up. He then moved to the other boot and worked with an equal amount of dedication and precision. 

Standing up, looking at Zachary, he smiled and held out his hand. He helped Zachary up, the two of them locking eyes.  The commander stood at five foot seven in her double soled boots, there was a considerable seven inch height difference between the pair.

“Dance with me?” He asked- breaking the silence. The two were still holding hands. 

Zachary tiled her head, her head foggy and confused. 

This- this is what Vega wanted?!

“Dance…. you want to dance…? As in… actually dancing , or… or do you want to brawl?” 

Zachary stretched out her arms, gesturing to how small her cabin was, it definitely wasn’t big enough for a fight

"Because I’m not sure there’s room in here for us to fight, unless we go down to engineering,,” She paused for a moment

“ or… or are you using dance as a euphemism for sex?” she asked, grinning at James. 

This comment made the lieutenant laugh, it filled the otherwise silent cabin with life. 

Zachary continued to smile… but she was still very confused on what James meant by “dance”. 

“Oh, you crack me up Zachary” 

“No! James, I’m being serious here… remember the first time you asked me to “ dance ” one on one,  we ended up brawling on the engineering deck… if you remember, I almost broke your nose with how hard I swung at you….. and the last time we agreed to dance,it ended with us thinking about and expressing the want to fool around on shore leave” she protested.    

This was true. This was so true. 

“Well” The lieutenant grinned  “yes, you have a point there.. let me try again…” James reached into the back pocket of his cargos and pulled out a small usb stick. He walked over to the commander's music player and slotted it into the usb slot.

After pressing the play button, soft, slow piano music started to play. He walked back to Zachary and took a hold of her hands, lifting her right hand, he kissed it tenderly, and watched as Zachary's cheeks flushed.  He smiled at her and watched as she smiled back.. .

“Zachary, will you dance with me one last time ?” He asked softly. 

Zachary felt the lieutenant pull her away from the bed.  Pulling her into her and holding her close.  

He held Zachary close, ran a large hand through her freshly shaved purple buzz cut, hearing her sigh with contentment as the anxiety within her gave out ever so slightly. 

The two together, not sharing words. But sharing the same space,the same moment and the same air.   They danced- slowly. Zachary had no idea what she was actually meant to be doing- she just held herself against James- resting her head over his chest- her eyes closed- just feeling and being in the moment with the one she loved. 

She rested her head on his shoulder- hands interlocking. A soft embrace. They danced under the stars and moonlight.  This moment was just for them. 

Zachary felt like she was home as they danced. Safe in the presence and embrace of the lieutenant.  Yes, the feeling of impending doom still loomed over her- but she was no longer alone….

[dent-de-leon]

hey I need to share my widomauk brainrot with someone

if you go back to episode 111 and watch Caleb’s face when Jester talks about bringing Molly back he looks so stunned but so hopeful like he could really get someone back and not even just someone but Molly of all people

anyway I’m fine

YES, I LOVE THAT LITTLE CONVERSATION!! It's such a heartwarming moment. There's so much to this one little exchange. The way Caleb hesitates at first, tries to cushion his expectations and not let himself get swept up in some foolish hope that'll only break his heart, "I have a foolish question, perhaps...Well, it's not possible. But if he still lies at rest where we left him, is it possible?" Hardly daring to let himself believe it, but wanting to so badly.

Also YES Caleb's soft voice here and the moments where he just breaks off and Liam's expressions!! The way he has to stop and just take a breath for a moment when Jester says, "I can bring him back"--it kills me.

And then, when Jester confirms his suspicions, gives him that one thread of hope he needs to hold onto, he wants nothing more than to chase after it right now. "Who wants to go visit Mollymauk?" And the rest of the Nein, as much as they love Molly--many of them are so very hesitant, understandably so. Resurrection can be messy, painful, dredge up too many aching memories.

What if it isn't Molly? What if he doesn't want to come back? And if it's really him, can they face him? How do they look him in the eye after everything, knowing they couldn't save him? They're scared. Hurt. Yasha just looks so pained at the thought of revisiting the grave. And then there's Caleb, who's just caught up in the moment, ready to run right back to Molly and finally bring him home.

Jester pulling him aside, gently trying to tell him why the others are holding back, but still offering him comfort. "I think--I think one of the reasons why some of us are a little hesitant to go visit Molly is, you know, because it is a little painful to do that. Just so you know...But it's important." And the soft, very hopeful way Caleb says, "I think so." Because this really does matter to him, and Jester understands that. They're both the most excited at the thought of reviving Molly, both just want to be with him again. Regardless of how much the past might hurt.

And because I love how Caleb is the one most driven to resurrect Molly when they first visit the grave--I also think the context of that original conversation is so heart-wrenching. Because, the thing is, Jester initially offered to bring his parents back. "I mean, between Caduceus and I...we could bring them back."

We also get just about one of the biggest lies Caleb's ever told: "I have not looked into it." But of course he has, of course every waking moment since his memories came back in the sanitarium--in his grief and guilt and regret, he's been agonizing over this. Obsessed with going back in time and fixing the past. "I want to bend reality to my will."

He's wanted nothing else more than this, for as long as he's been Caleb Widogast, ever since the boy who was once Bren lost everything. And he wants it so badly, that for a time, he's willing to use just about anyone to further his goals, to get one step closer to unravelling the secrets of the most powerful arcane feats. In the beginning, that was always the plan. To just stay with the rest of the Nein until they were no longer useful, and then move on when it was time.

Mollymauk himself is no exception. And in fact, the very night before he died, Caleb was frustrated at himself for even traveling with someone like him. For spending time around a ridiculous Circus Man who couldn't possibly be of any use to him. “Look at this one. He’s like a walking rainbow, what is this? Why are you with him? It makes no sense. He’s a circus performer, he’s not going to help you—”

How ironic, how poetic, that Caleb scoffed at the thought of staying with Mollymauk when he had "nothing" to offer. How tragic, that it's the loss of this happily foolish, recklessly protective Circus Man that makes Caleb realize he wants so badly to stay. That he can't bear to lose anyone anymore.

And the grief and pain he feels over Molly's death is still so raw and gutting, it haunts him for the entire campaign, another regret he can't let go of. Burying Molly with a letter, telling him to come and find them. Convincing himself this isn't forever. Going after Lucien because he only ever wanted to bring Mollymauk back.

So it's not just Jester offering to resurrect Molly for Caleb. It's that Jester offered to bring back his parents, that one thing he's always wanted more than anything, and yet Caleb asks for her to resurrect Mollymauk instead. He justifies it to them, to himself, unwilling to entertain the false hope, even when his dream could be so close: "There is a very good chance that the...Scourgers collected their remains, but maybe. Scourgers collected their remains, but maybe." "Jester, you only just asked about bringing back my mother and father. While not possible because we have no--well, it's not possible."

And maybe he's right, and his parents were already beyond their reach. But even still, Caleb is willing to push aside his greatest desire, the thing he's tirelessly worked toward for years, just on the faint hope that he might get to see Molly again. It's so heartbreaking and sweet, so touching that Caleb still lets himself hold onto that hope, that fairytale dream. "This could be a conversation, or it can be a reunion." That's love.

And it's the kind of fondness and longing that reminds me of how Molly sees Caleb in the Lucien book, that moment where his thoughts drift back to the forehead kiss. "Caleb. Softness and light." I just hope he knows his Magician felt that way about him too.

[munningham]

Chrissy lives AU - what comes next Part 2 (this ended up just being Christmas Break)

Part 1 here

After the night where Chrissy showed up on his doorstep at midnight, Eddie starts sneaking into Chrissy’s room every night once her parents go to bed. He makes her laugh and lets her cry and paints pictures with his words of the amazing life they’re building in Chicago. There’s a lot of hilarious mornings of Chrissy frantically trying to hide Eddie under the bed, in the closet, behind the door, before her mom comes in.

Eddie hears it all though. How Mrs. Cunningham talks to a Chrissy, the endless stream of backhanded compliments and criticisms and always always always comments about her body. Eddie knew Chrissy had it rough and eating disorders are no joke, but actually hearing the monologue that Chrissy has been listening to every day for 18 years.....it takes everything he has to not lose his shit and start screaming. Conformity really is killing the kids.

After the first morning he promises that he won’t leave until after Mrs. Cunningham has done her morning wake up call. He sits with Chrissy after her mom leaves the room and quietly has her repeat her therapist’s affirmations. You are loved. You are enough. Your body works just the way it is. You are strong and capable. She’s a stupid mean old bitch who never deserved you. (That one is Eddie’s).

They exchange gifts Christmas Eve night. It’s unconventional, but there’s something so beautiful about the two of them sitting on her bed with just a small light on, with the moon lighting the room through the snow falling outside. The first gift Eddie gives her he swears is not her real gift, but it makes her burst out laughing. Carefully wrapped in a box is Eddie’s old Black Sabbath tshirt. “I mean, it’s already yours, I hardly get a chance to wear it anymore, I figured we should just make it official” he forlorns, putting on a dramatic show of huffing and sighing like seeing Chrissy in that tshirt isn’t the hottest sight in the universe. Eddie’s next gift is a new necklace. It’s a crystal wrapped in gold wire, on a gold chain. Eddie made it himself, twisting the wire in spirals and swirls and carefully wrapping the ends so there would be no sharp edges. “This stone, it uh, it reflects light. It’s not a flashlight or anything but I just, I liked that it could give you light. And tell me if it’s too heavy, I don’t want it to be uncomfortable.” Chrissy kisses him soundly and wraps her arms around his neck. “I love it Eddie, it’s perfect. And no, it’s not too heavy.” It is weighted, but it’s a comfortable weight. Like it grounds her, she feels its presence when the world starts spinning out of control, like Eddie is there with her. She tells him it’s the best gift she’s ever gotten, but Eddie shyly hands her a third small wrapped box. She instantly takes back her words when she sees what’s inside: a mix tape of Eddie covering her favorite pop songs. George Michael and Cyndi Lauper sung by Eddie’s earnest, raspy voice with his guitar is the most beautiful music in the world. This gift makes her cry.

Chrissy also gives Eddie three boxes. The first is a new set of guitar accessories (slide, clamp, new strings, and a tuner that actually fucking works). She teases him that it’ll take all the fun out of watching him try to tune his guitar by ear or banging his old piece of shit tuner on the coffee table. “Veronica is gonna be so spoiled” Eddie grins. The second small box is a set of shiny black dice with silver numbering. They’re not the cheap dice Eddie’s been using since middle school, they’re really fucking nice. “Where the hell did you find these?” Eddie asks. Chrissy grins. “I asked the guys from the store in Chicago. They gave me their catalogs and let me put in an order through the store.” Eddie is impressed the store employees were even able to have that conversation with her - as loveable as those guys were, they were completely inept at pulling two words together in front of a pretty girl. The third box has a framed collage. It looks like a shadow box for a sports team, but it says “Hellfire Club”. It has the yearbook photos dating back to 1981, where a sophomore Eddie Munson stands grinning with a bunch of other freaks and rebels. Over the years the other kids in the photos change, but Eddie is always there, grinning with his tongue out making devil horns. The last photo Eddie doesn’t recognize. It’s not a yearbook photo. He looks closer and sees Henderson, little Wheeler, both Sinclairs, along with the new faces of Will Byers, Max and El, posing in the theater, proudly wearing their Hellfire T-shirts. “They actually kept it going?” Eddie softly asks. Chrissy grins and nods. “Every other Friday after school. They weren’t thrilled about taking a photo until I told them it was for you. You built something Eddie, you should be proud of it.” Eddie stares at the shadow box some more, with a wide smile on face, until he finally looks up. “You’re amazing Chrissy. God I love you.” “I love you more Eddie”. “Not even possible, princess”

Eddie has to go back for work after Christmas, but Chrissy’s break lasts until the end of January, so he calls in reinforcements from The Party. Between Christmas and the end of January, the Cunningham residence experiences a never ending stream of calls and visitors. Steve drops by to visit some afternoons and charms the pants off of her parents (“You know Chrissy, he’s going through a rough patch right now, but the Harringtons are such a good family, you should ask him over again”). Steve and Chrissy have definitely had very similar experiences, they have some heart to hearts about not living up to expectations and finding your people.

Steve’s presence is also not the worst thing in the world because Jason is also home for Winter Break. Jason stops by one afternoon, but when Steve opens the door and gives him a look, Jason leaves without ever coming in. Chrissy thanks him and then awkwardly tries to explain that Jason might think there’s something going on between them, and don’t get her wrong Steve is a great guy and would be an amazing boyfriend for someone, but she really loves Eddie. Steve smiles and shakes his head and cuts her off.

“Relax Chrissy, I know. Don’t think for a second I don’t see those eyes you and Munson make at each other, Jesus it’s disgusting. I also really don’t feel like being axed or stabbed or whatever these freaks do to guys who hit on their girls.”

Chrissy opens her mouth to object, then sees the smirk on Steve’s face. She lets him continue. “Jason’s an asshole. He’s one of those assholes who’s only ever going to think of girls as property. So, unfortunately that means he’ll only back down if he thinks another guy has “staked his claim” or some other macho bullshit. So if I have to swing by every so often and eat your mom’s sugar free cookies to keep him from bothering you, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Chrissy smiles and gives him a warm hug. “You’re a really good guy Steve Harrington. You really don’t have another girl you’d rather be spending the holidays with?” Steve just hugs her back and doesn’t answer.

Robin and Nancy take Chrissy out during the day as much as possible. Nancy is also struggling with college and the pressure to live up to her own expectations and how do you find a normal when you sleep with shotguns and keep flamethrowers in the closet? Even with going to college with Jonathan, it’s still rough. Robin is living her best lesbian life at Smith. The 3 of them have lots of talks about finding yourself and being yourself and what are we supposed to do in this fucked up world anyway.

The Wheelers is still the place to hang out, so Eddie calls their house as often as he can without being annoying so he talk to Chrissy. Nancy runs interference when she needs to. (“She’s not here right now but she’s okay, Eddie, I promise.” “You don’t know what her mom is like Nance.” “I know, I know. I’ll call her after dinner tonight to check on her.”) Chrissy tells Eddie that Jason came by, but Steve scared him off. “So he’s going to uh, just like, “have a presence” I guess, to keep Jason away.” Eddie is not crazy about pretty boy Steve Harrington half-pretending to date Chrissy, but he also knows how dangerous Jason is, and Chrissy is there alone, and the whole damn town is rigged to back their golden boy, and honestly Steve is probably the one guy in Hawkins that Jason won’t take on. That doesn’t stop Eddie from calling up Steve and having a little chat with him, thanking him for helping with Chrissy and Jason but also, “just keep your fucking shirt on this time Harrington.”

[sapphire-weapon]

One of the most emotionally resonate lines from the RE4 Remake is Leon saying:

"This time it has to be different."

I've been repeating that to myself a lot these days because I can't get it out of my head.

I've also thought about this a lot, to the point where I wrote two different posts on it.

But one more thing I do want to say about it is that I feel like the game didn't go hard enough on giving context for it. Literally the only thing that foreshadows this line is the "You can't save her. You can't save anyone!" bit -- but that's just one quick moment, and it's the only one that exists.

It's also a bit weird that it comes from Krauser, because like.

Krauser wasn't in Raccoon City, but Leon is very clearly referencing Raccoon City when he says "This time, it has to be different." So, when Krauser says the thing, there's not that immediate smack in the face moment of "oh fuck he's talkin bout Raccoon" -- because, even though that is what he's talking about just because he knows Leon very well, we as the audience don't associate Krauser with Raccoon City. So it's a bit of a delayed response from us before we go "oh shit is that what he's talking about?"

There was a real missed opportunity here when Ada told Leon to leave Ashley behind because she's unsaveable. If Leon's response had been something more like "Is that an actual fact about her, or just a lack of faith in me?" it would've been a better use of that dialogue exchange with a stronger thematic tie.

IMO, Ada was severely underutilized in general when it came to this emotional throughline in the narrative. She tells Wesker that Leon is "predictable" and she tells Leon to his face that he hasn't changed -- and then the game doesn't explain what the consequences of that actually are.

Again, the conversation between Ada and Wesker was lacking a follow-up in the form of something like "He'll do exactly the same as he's always done, and the girl won't make it, either."

I also feel like Leon should've had more of a reaction when Ada told him he hasn't changed.

Because the reality is, if Leon really hasn't changed, then Ashley will die.

Things won't be different if he's not different -- because it was usually his fuckups that got people killed.

Like. Without those extra bits of context, it almost feels like RE4make frames the events of RE2make as "bad shit that just kind of happened" -- but the truth is that a lot of the tragedies that occurred in Leon's campaign in RE2make were a direct result of his naivety, lack of experience, lack of confidence, and hesitancy.

"This time, it has to be different" isn't just Leon saying that he can't bear to live through another bad ending -- it's him swearing to himself: "I won't make the same mistakes again."

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 2x08 recap

Well, I guess it’s not surprising that I broke my record with this one lol. Honestly this episode made me suffer so goddamn much and I loved every single minute of it. 

So in honour of the hiatus this week, have this very belated monster instead lol

Like seriously, you already know you’re ~In For It~ when the ep opens with Thony watching her baby boy sleep like she’s been sitting there practically all night ugh.  And then her hurriedly packing a bag with enough clothes to last at least a week or more and not even waiting for the rest of the household to wake up before getting Fi to get them out of there?? God you just know she spent the whole night thinking about the danger she’d put them in, and all the choices she’d made, and now she’s doing what Thony does and Trying To Fix Everything Herself. At least she finally tells Fi a tiny bit more about what’s going on with Garrett and the FBI though (sidenote: I find it really cute to imagine the conversation last night where the family is all ready to go to bed and Garrett is just like ‘oh don’t mind me, I’m just gonna hang here on your couch for a couple hours… any chance you have an iphone charger?’ lol). But ugh I love Fi’s “If we go, we go together” to Thony bc firstly these two and their sisterhood gets me every time, but also it’s reminiscent of Arman’s “We’ll do it together” from 2x07, and now I’m emotional thinking about the fact that for years Thony could only truly rely on herself, and now she is surrounded by people who love her, who want to help carry her burdens with her and who would do anything for her. Plus the whole “Oh so this is about him?” / “No, it’s about you! It’s about our family” exchange is so goddamn amazing because the truth is that it’s both– Fi and the kids are her family, but now Arman is her family too, and she is doing whatever she can to protect them all ughhhhhh

Ugh Chris and Fi continually have such incredible scenes together. I love their dynamic, the conflict and the support and the way that they’re still always a team. There’s such a well done mix of parent-child dynamic (like her reassuring him when he started to freak out that the cops had come back), and a kind-of-team-mates situation (him helping get the kids ready to go to JD’s, etc), which makes a lot of sense for an oldest child and a single parent. Chris has shown before that while he’s definitely a moody teenager lol, when it comes down to it, he really does take that ‘man of the house’ role seriously and if Fi’s biggest protector– like when he got in between her and Marco and defended her when Marco was yelling at her in like 1x09 or whenever that was. Which is probably partly why he ended up going to the police station too, because he couldn’t face her being punished in order to protect him when his whole job (as he sees it) is protecting her. 

Honestly this show just loves stomping on my heart– Thony’s face as she says goodbye to Luca just kills me, because it just takes me back to 1x06 and “I just want to hold Luca without thinking it’s going to be the last time, you know?” ughhhh.  Back then it was Luca who could be taken from her at any moment, and while tbh that still remains a possibility (whether from rejection of the liver, or one of Kamdar’s men coming after him), now the fear is more that she might be taken from him, that she won’t live to see Luca and the others come home. And god the shot of her standing there alone as they drive away, not even able to force a smile and a wave as they go?? I already feel personally attacked by this episode and we’ve literally only just gotten to the title credits ugh

Ok as much as I hate female characters being killed off to further the development of a male character, I do kind of look forward to seeing what happens with Garrett as a result of all this. Also oooh his suggestion of a mole is interesting– hopefully not Jefferson though, bc he’s cute and I like him haha. I think Garrett might be grasping a bit at the mole idea because if that’s not the case, then he’d have to face the idea that maybe it was him that messed up and left her vulnerable somehow. Also lol getting Kamdar on profiteering is so Al Capone; he’d probably love the idea of following in such famous footsteps. He’d have his lawyers get him off immediately though, bc lbr he can afford the best. But damn Russo’s “[these men are] never the ones pulling the trigger”-- don’t we know that all too well ugh

Of course Thony is doing housework lol– I’m going to take that as a subtle throwback to 1x01, when she was frantically cleaning the kitchen after Theo’s murder and Fi said that she does this when she’s spinning out. Bc though she looks outwardly calm rn, I definitely think she is spinning out, especially with the way she freezes at the knock on the door. But ugh the way she practically slumps in relief at Arman’s voice just gets to me; she’s there alone, spending every moment in fear of someone coming to hurt or kill her, and then the one person she feels safest around– who has literally proven (twice!) that he’d kill for her– turns up instead. (I’m not crying, you’re crying). Though I’m guessing she was expecting him– from the way they talk about meeting with Garrett, it sounds like they’ve been in communication between last night and now; plus, given that Fi took the van, Thony has no transport to get to any meeting location. But ugh the way he only ventures a few steps into the laundry– far enough that he gets a small glimpse of the rooms beyond, but still not really entering her home, because he has no idea whether he would be welcome in that space or not. And when he sees the neatly made bed that is clearly Luca’s, and hears the kind of eerie silence that never exists in a house full of kids, he knows what she’s given up because of him. I love his “you should have gone with them”– telling her that she doesn’t need to see herself as trapped like he is, and that he wouldn’t blame her if she left, even if it caused Kamdar to retaliate against him. Her safety is what matters to him more than anything else. And then omg when he says he’s going to stay with her (Is anyone else hearing faint strains of ‘Someone To Watch Over Me’ playing in the distance or is that just me??), and she just nods???? (never mind me, I’ll just be over here screaming into a pillow for a few minutes at the idea of them staying there alone together aaaahhh). But also oh man I am obsessed with the fact that the old Thony would have said that she was fine, that she was handling things and she could manage on her own. But now she has learned to trust him, and to let herself rely on him to be there for her. She knows that she’d be safer with him there, and she also knows that he doesn’t have a place of his own at the moment– but above all that, she just wants him there. She needs him, and she’s still hurting for the both of them about what happened last night– you can see it in the way her eyes are less able to hold his, and hear it in “I keep playing it in my mind… what he made you do…” ughhhh.  I love her line “maybe we could have done something different” because I could see him instinctively taking that to mean she wished that he had found another way, had made another choice rather than shooting Maya; but she’s actually wishing they’d been able to do something that would have prevented Robert ever using him in that way, would have prevented that pain and burden being put on him. Like I definitely think she is struggling a lot with Maya’s death, but when it plays over in her mind, I don’t think it’s Maya that she’s focused on. I think it’s Arman’s face that she keeps seeing, the panic and then the pain as he realises what he’s going to have to do, and the devastation afterwards, his tears in the car still haunting her. Honestly even though this show hasn’t given us a Thony-crying-in-the-shower scene since the pilot (which is both a good thing and a tragedy, honestly lol), I’m absolutely certain she sobbed in the shower last night after taking off that red dress. Crying for Maya, for Garrett, for herself; but above all, for Arman.

And now, standing here with him in the laundry, she seems like she’s trying not to cry again, her voice all low and her body tense, and it’s only a minute before he cracks and has to reach for her; he’s clearly been holding himself back from her but he just can’t anymore. But ugh the gentleness of the way he touches her arms– instead of just pulling her into an embrace, he basically asks permission to hold her, giving her the chance to either step back and maintain her space, or to lean into his support. And though she hesitates for the tiniest moment– which I’m interpreting as her being afraid to hold him because she feels that if she does, she might not be able to bring herself to let go– she soon gives in and just lets herself have this, lets herself lean into him and wrap her arms around him. Tbh I wasn’t sure at first if her arms were still kind of between them, but after many rewatches I’m convinced she’s definitely holding onto him– and plus I stg there is a sound right before she sighs, like movement against fabric, and I choose to believe the sound mixer person put it in there as the sound of her arms wrapping around him under his jacket lol. And then oh god the sigh. The way she closes her eyes and lets out that breath, lets herself have just those couple of seconds to forget everything else and just be held by him?? Help??

Except ugh that’s all she allows herself– after that one brief moment, her eyes open again and her jaw clenches, and she bites her lip and holds on just that little bit tighter before she forces herself to move back and away, getting them both back on task. And he lets her go immediately– the whole time through the hug he kept his grip light, giving her the control, and honestly the hint of reserve in the way they hold each other makes perfect sense. For him, it’s about not wanting to push her; for her, it’s about protecting herself. She may trust him completely, and be able to rely on him for anything, but she’s careful with her heart, and he’s still married. He’d never deliberately string her along or hurt her, of course, but his situation is still complicated and she doesn’t know what is going to happen. What she does know, though, is that she loves him, and that this might be all she ever gets to have of him. 

God it is such a blessing that the caddy is so recognisable (and probably very inefficient in terms of gas lol), because it means that the bike is the go-to choice for transport these days, and I am so supportive of this lol. Not only is it hot, but I am definitely into all the semi-embracing involved haha. Like what’s the bet Thony actually holds him closer than she needs to on the ride, sinking into him in the way she couldn’t allow herself during their hug? And ugh they look like such a sexy matching pair with their jackets (ngl I saw a jacket the other day that looked a fair bit like the one she wears in this ep, and I ended up buying it lol), which just further highlights their partnership as they face off against Garrett. But oh boy, this is awkward: “now we’re going to take Kamdar down for murder. Him, and whoever pulled the trigger [...] I’m going to make sure every one of those bastards rots behind bars” and lol well if they were planning on trying to tell you the truth before, Garrett, they sure ain’t now.  And ugh the way Thony stands up to him and says that they can’t help him catch Maya’s killer, and Arman immediately looks at her– possibly wondering if she’s about to tell the truth, but trusting her enough not to try to stop her if she is– and then instead she protects him, using logic to explain to Garrett why they can’t help, yet still lying to him just like she’d said she didn’t want to do. Honestly I love so much that even despite her reluctant regard for Garrett, and the way she feels indebted to him for the ways he’s helped her family (though lbr that’s got to be tempered by the ways in which he has previously also hurt her and her family), there’s no question about which side she’s on. Even from the start, her loyalty to Arman outweighed Garrett’s threats and the power of the law behind him, and though she wants them all to be on the same side, she will protect Arman to the end, even if it means completely betraying Garrett and screwing him over. Still, she and Arman are caught between a rock and a hard place rn, trapped by both Kamdar and by Garrett. But if they can take down one, they can be free of the other, so they agree to set up the meet to trap Kamdar. I love that when he brings out the listening devices (sidenote: they’re cool and I’d probably choose the USB or the necklace lol) Arman immediately refuses to let Garrett put her at risk by making her wear one, while Garrett tries to push her into it by using her family as an argument– and I could have easily seen that escalating into a conflict between the two men but Thony just calmly uses logic again and tells Garrett about Kamdar always checking for wires. And ughhhhh that means that this is yet another moment where the writers could have given me the gift of the Robert-making-her-undress reveal but didn’t! Goddammit haha. Anyway to Garret’s credit, he does actually listen to her most of the time, which is why I can’t help but have a certain fondness for him haha. But ugh I’m forever obsessed with all the little glances between Thony and Arman in this scene, the silent conversation happening that Garrett is not a part of– this is some legit married behaviour lol

Okay I’m like unreasonably delighted by the fact that Thony brings Arman in through the front door this time? Like look it could have purely been due to filming factors (ie, having the whole thing shot in the kitchen/lounge area saves having to film them walking through the laundry first), but still. The symbolismmmmm. @enigmaticfox has already made this amazing post about it (seriously go read it) and like she said, there’s something so impactful about the way Thony opens the door wide and grants him access (get your mind out of the gutter Laura), and then when he hovers in the kitchen– looking to her for direction, not wanting to overstep his bounds– she instantly invites him further into her space, the place that is her home and her sanctuary. I love that she takes her shoes off– part habit, of course, but also a sign of feeling comfortable and secure– while he leaves his on. Which is also likely partly habit, since leaving shoes on in the house is common in the US, and also when a guest in another’s home in Mexico. But I also think he is half-expecting to be dismissed at any moment, and so taking off his shoes would feel kind of presumptuous, like it would be sending a message that he’s now here to stay regardless of what she wants. And ugh the way his eyes move around the space, taking it all in, and then focus over in the direction of Luca’s room– while he doesn’t look directly at her bed, I’m choosing to believe he clocked it and realised that that area is her ‘bedroom’, and so despite his intense curiosity about this aspect of her life that he hasn’t yet seen, he respectfully keeps his gaze away, letting her have her privacy. And then ugh I could even get all metaphorical about the way he sits on a single chair while she sits on a couch (aka, furniture which is designed to be shared by multiple people) and also with one of Luca’s toys right next to her– her family isn’t there, but they’re there, always beside her; meanwhile he's alone, visibly separate– except that with her body language, she bridges that gap between them. And don’t even get me started on the way she crosses her legs up under her, much like she does when around her family– like with her taking the shoes off, this is another sign of how safe she feels with him, basically the human equivalent of how a cat will only sleep with its paws tucked under its body when it's around people it trusts. You don’t sit like that if you feel there is any chance you need to escape the situation or protect yourself; it's purely the way our instincts are wired. But ugh anyway of course his first question is to ask her if she’s okay– he knows her, can see she’s struggling just from the look on her face, from the way her eyes are mostly fixed elsewhere rather than meeting his; and all he wants to do is try to ease that burden. I think that being in her space– what is so clearly a family home, but now completely devoid of that family– has really highlighted to him what helping him has cost her, what it could cost her if they don’t get this situation with Kamdar and the FBI resolved as soon as possible; he suddenly feels he’s done nothing but drag her into danger and pain and emotional turmoil, and you can hear in his voice that when he says “then you can get back to your family and forget about all this” he also means forget about me. And then when her response to that is to look him in the eye and tell him “We have to be done with this guy”, you can see how it affects him– there's something so soft and grateful in the way he looks at her ugh, knowing that even after everything she’s been through because of him, she still hasn’t abandoned him; that they’re still in this together. 

So I’ve decided that Agent Chan is one of my favorite side characters lol. She was there during the hotel raid in 1x10 as well, right? Though ugh her not-super-subtly pointing the mic and talking into her earpiece is making me stressed lol. As is the fact that Armony literally cannot control what Kamdar will say– god how terrifying to walk into that situation, knowing that they’re being listened to by the literal FBI, and knowing that Kamdar is exactly the kind of man who loves both the sound of his own voice and gloating over other people's misfortunes? Honestly it’d be a miracle if they managed to pull this off without him saying something that tipped off the FBI about their involvement with Maya’s death. (Also sidenote, but something I love about this show is that we repeatedly see cleaning ladies? Like I mean this one that’s just walked past Armony may turn out to be plot-relevant, but we also see them when they have no bearing on the plot at all– like at Cortes’ place, and in La Habana, etc. I like to think that the show is reminding us that these women are always there, and they are not invisible). Anyways I swear that Joseph has never checked either of them at the door like this before, but sure I’ll just roll with it haha.  And then oooooh damn who do we find in the office? Not Kamdar, but Nadia. I have questions about this, because firstly Arman said they’d ‘set up a meet with Kamdar’– so did they actually contact anyone to say they were coming? Or did they just rock up? Because if they’d contacted Joseph or whatever, then surely they should have known Kamdar was out of town. Unless Arman contacted Kamdar directly and the devious prick just thought it would be funny to have him be faced with Nadia instead when he got there? Which tbh would be consistent with his character, and would also answer my next question, which is when the hell Kamdar put Nadia in charge, considering that last night at the party she seemed very out of the loop. So ok headcanon time: Arman messaged Kamdar to make a time for the meet in the afternoon, and RK (I’m getting sick of typing Robert or Kamdar lol) decided to have a little fun, and immediately called Nadia and told her he wanted her to run things while he was away. It’s genius, really; he gets to score points with Nadia by showing her he trusts and values her, and he gets to set up Arman to most likely have another fight with Nadia while also not getting his cut for the deal. Win-win for RK lol.

Anyway I do like that Thony was the one to suggest aborting mission first; though lbr that was likely mostly because the whole point is to get RK, but at the same time I think she wants to leave Nadia out of things if she can. (another sidenote: I find it very satisfying that Garrett believes Thony and Arman had no idea about Nadia’s connection to RK lol– oh Garrett, you sure miss a lot, don’t you buddy). But ooooh then Nadia insists that she’s RK’s right hand, and so they can deal with her– and tbh I think that that pisses Thony off big time, because Nadia’s supposed to be Arman’s wife, and yet she chooses to ally herself with the man who is trying to destroy him?? I think that that is the moment when she decides that she can’t keep going out of her way to try to protect Nadia, especially since doing so potentially endangers herself, Arman, and her family. Both she and Nadia have chosen their sides, and so now it's just a matter of bahala na– whatever happens, happens. Of course Arman can’t see it like that, and simply has to protect Nadia; partly because she’s family, but also because he’s already betrayed her once by falling in love with Thony, and can’t face the idea of betraying her in this way too. And while Thony understands his need to protect her, I can see her being frustrated about it, especially given her temper– like is he really going to put protecting Nadia above potentially saving the rest of them??? 

Okay the fam all rocking up at JD’s and being welcomed so warmly is just so cute ugh. I just love them?? And then ugh J-Fi being all cute in the kitchen (while putting away the biggest slices of pizza the world has ever seen??) and Jazz watching them is just so funny– I know, girl, I ship it too. Although apparently JD’s gf is called Laura so maybe I should ship that instead, out of solidarity to a fellow bearer of the name lol. (Ngl, I would date this man in a heartbeat haha). But ugh this height difference kills me, and so does their comfort together ugh. He’s sweet and kind and he makes her laugh, and he loves her family like they’re his own (bc they are). So please pleaaaaase writers let them be together ughhhhh

Ooooh Garrett is Big Mad about Arman sabotaging the sting, and lbr Thony’s not delighted about it either. But ugh the way she looks at him every time he says ‘my wife’ and defends Nadia so vehemently? You can see how much it hurts her, each time a sharp reminder that he’s not hers–  she used to have better armour to protect her from that reality, but the more time she’s spent with him, the thinner it’s gotten, and now every reminder pierces straight through. And yet even despite that, she still comes up with a way to get RK without endangering Nadia– but she doesn’t do it for Nadia’s sake. She does it for him, and then when she realises that there’s no way to make the plan work without him taking back his place in Nadia’s life– and all that that entails– she does what she has to do and lets him go, even though it means breaking her own heart. (I’m fine, I’m not crying, shut up). But god this scene was so fucking LOUD with things unsaid; for example, when Arman says he can’t get the keycard bc of being kicked out, the natural response from an outsider, ie Garrett, would be ‘well just kiss and make up then??’ because of course the expectation is that as the dumped party, he would be wanting to fix things and get back together. And then there’s the way Thony suggests it– the “well maybe you should reconcile” where she almost manages to hide the unwillingness with which she says it (it’s the tone and the maybe that gets me, bc someone who was emotionally unaffected in this situation just wouldn’t sound like that). And then to immediately follow that suggestion– that very reasonable suggestion of a man making up with his wife after a big fight, aka something that most people would presume he wants and is already actively trying to do– with the statement “It’s the only way we can protect our families”?  Like honestly they’re both acting as if she’s sending him to the gallows rather than back to the life he was living literally less than a week ago, which is not at all a normal way to behave in this conversation– that is, unless you’re sacrificing the very thing you want most, and telling the man you love to go back to his wife even though it means the two of you can never be together. Because like I said in this ask, it would be a real dick move for Arman to go profess love and devotion to Nadia, and then drop her again the moment he got what he wanted from her– and so if he is going to go ahead with this reconciliation, he has to be all in; he has to commit to making his marriage work, because both he and Thony have too much honour to do otherwise. Which means that getting the keycard for Thony will basically be his parting gift to her, and they both know it; it’s in his quiet ‘alright’ and his grave expression, and it’s in the way she looks at him like the words I don’t want you to do this are screaming inside her head. Which, honestly, is a huge fucking deal in itself; even if she’s not admitting anything aloud, she’s still letting him see what she previously would have done her best to hide, and I can’t help but feel that that– the truth written all over her face, the silent admission that this was never just a one-sided thing– is her parting gift to him.

Meanwhile Garrett is just over here seeing all this intense eye contact and mutual angsting and is all like ‘Seriously guys? Right in front of my salad??” lolll. Like honestly, if he didn’t know they were in love with each other before, he sure as hell does now. Though unless he really is an absolutely terrible FBI agent, he’d no doubt have already had some fairly major suspicions based on… well, everything these two have done since they met lol. And I mean the way he looked right at Thony when Arman said Nadia had kicked him out of the house suggested he has a pretty clear idea of what’s up haha. But ugh okay headcanon time: Thony can’t face the idea of the long ride back home with her arms wrapped around Arman– possibly holding him for literally the last time– or the conversation that he might try to have when they get to the house (she’s holding things together right now, but there’s no knowing how long that will last, especially if she has to Talk about it), so she asks Garrett to give her a ride back, saying something about how they don’t have much time so Arman needs to go and start working on the keycard (read: on Nadia) right away. And Garrett looks between the two of them and then is all ‘right, sure, yeah’ and so she just turns and heads straight for the car, and Arman immediately takes a step as if to follow her and reach for her arm, but then he stops and clenches his jaw and turns back to the bike without a word, his movements jerky and rough as he shoves on the helmet and then roars out of there, leaving Garrett standing in a cloud of dust. And Garrett just sighs and shakes his head, then walks around to get into the car. Thony’s staring out the window and he can see the muscle working in her jaw, so he just starts the car without a word, and neither of them say a thing until they reach her house and she starts to get out. “Hey, Thony,” he says quietly, and when she half-glances in his direction, he adds, “I’m sorry.” Because even though he thinks she’s definitely better off being as far from Arman as possible, he knows a little about having a broken heart. She tells him that Kamdar needs to go down for everything he’s done to them, and Garrett promises her that he will. Then she nods and climbs from the car, and he watches as she disappears into the house alone. 

But ugh anyway. I appreciate the symbolism of Arman ringing the doorbell rather than letting himself into the house; it’s not his space anymore, and he doesn’t have a right to be in there without her permission. (And maybe he knows she’ll be more receptive to him if he’s seen as being especially respectful of her boundaries, who knows). Ngl the ‘what the fuck bro’ look she gives him when she sees him standing there is actually kinda funny though. But ok I really want to know how long has passed since they saw each other in the office– probably no more than a few hours, right? Bc I assume Garrett wanted to meet with Thony and Arman pretty much right away after the sting went bust, and I assume Arman went right to the house when he left the meet, so it can’t have been super long? Though tbh I would love if Arman didn’t go straight to the house, and (headcanon time lol) instead took a different road back to the city and ended up stopping by some ravine somewhere, tossing his helmet away from him with a roar of frustration before violently hurling rock after rock over the edge, until he finally slumps back onto the bike, both physically and emotionally exhausted. And then he still doesn’t go to Nadia, but instead rides straight to Thony’s place, sitting there behind the back fence for who knows how long before finally letting out a curse and taking off for ‘home’. But ugh anyway my point (before the headcanoning lol) was that I respect how quickly Nadia went from that sleek sparkly blue number in the office, to her (very cute) around-the-house wear lol. I guess she was upset by the altercation in the office and headed home soon after? Also I love that despite literally being on a mission to woo Nadia back, the first thing he does is order her to stay away from Robert. Like bro are you trying to suck at this? But then ugh when she tells him to leave her alone and go back to taking care of ‘Thony and her kid’– and I wonder if she wishes now that they’d had a child together, so he would have had more reason to stay, since it clearly seems that she alone isn’t enough? Loved that she repeated the ‘there is no us’ and says that he made his choice– but tbh, part of the whole problem is that he hasn’t made his choice? He’s been actively avoiding it this whole time, because while he knows he’s in love with Thony and wants to be with her and would do anything for her, he still loves Nadia as his family, and doesn’t want to just completely abandon her. Especially considering the fact that if she came over from Argentina with RK all those years ago, she likely has no family in Vegas; Thony at least has her little family unit around her, but Nadia has no-one but him. Well, him and RK– and as he says, she’s not safe with RK. Loved getting that bit of backstory that she’d left RK because of being afraid of him (honestly though I am SO curious how one gets away from a man like that and stays in the same city without him trying to drag her back in; unless getting married to a guy who had the protection of a major crime family had something to do with that….?).

Anyway I'm also loving that this scene is proving some of my theories right about Nadia thinking she can control Robert, and also wanting to be around him because he values her. And then she tells Arman to go, and he pauses, clearly trying to find the right thing to say, and settles on the truth, that he’s worried about her. But she’s not interested in hearing it, because she knows that that’s not the issue here. And ugh the shininess to her eyes as she asks him if he loves Thony just hurts me. I hate seeing the pain she’s experiencing because of the two of them and the connection they share– one that they ever intended on, but never stood a chance against, but still. It sucks. I love that even as he made himself lie and say no, it comes out as barely more than a whisper, rather than a firm denial; and then he can’t just leave it there, because on one hand, the lie feels too much of a betrayal of Thony, and on the other, he can see that Nadia doesn’t believe him anyway. But he can’t tell the truth either, because if he were to let that yes out there, she would never take him back; she has too much pride to knowingly be with someone who's in love with someone else. So he settles for the middle ground, because he knows that framing his feelings for Thony as unclear and uncertain and confusing is something Nadia could accept, especially when he says with all honesty that he loves her.  Because he does! She’s his family, has been practically the only family he’s had for years, and he wants them both to always be in each other’s lives. But he hasn’t been happy as her husband for quite some time, and Thony’s appearance in his life just made him able to understand why.

But anyway hooooo boy I do have to say that was some impressive kissing haha– ngl on my first watch I practically had to watch this scene through my fingers, but I’ve built up a bit of a tolerance now lol. And ok I don’t know how much of it was deliberate manipulation, but I did like the way he was very respectful with her, going slow and not pushing, letting her decide if she would let him kiss her or not. And damn when a man can kiss like that, who could blame her for letting him??? 

Gotta say I don’t think I have ever seen a show have scene transitions so goddamn rude as going from Arman seducing Nadia on a goddamn countertop, to Thony sitting motionless and alone in her dark and empty house for hours, to Thony’s entire family laughing and having fun together in the warm light of JD’s place without her???  Like jesus christ writers, why must you hurt me in this way????? (Though ngl the camping in the living room thing was fucking adorable). But ugh Thony calls Fi, reaching out to her family while sitting on Luca’s bed because it’s the closest she can get to being with him, and it’s also a reminder that she’s doing this for him, to keep him safe. And ugh the somberness in her voice is such a contrast to the loud and laughing voices of the family, and even though she tells Fi she made the right call (about sending her family away, about sending Arman away) it seems more like she’s trying to convince herself than Fi. And then she sees Luca, and it makes her really genuinely smile for a moment– and then all too soon he’s gone to play with his sibling-cousins and the call ends and she’s hit again with how completely alone she is. (Like literally when was the last time she spent an entire night alone?? Definitely not since Luca was born, and ughhh that knowledge hurts me).

And then the next thing we see is her curled up on top of Luca’s bed, looking so incredibly small, and tbh I think the writers were having a competition to see how many times they can make me almost cry over Thony in this ep because god dammit this hurts?? Having her so alone and terrified is just awful– and then when she’s startled awake by the sound of someone outside and runs to grab any weapon she can, knowing how little chance she has of protecting herself?? Fuck. She’s so caught up in the panic that even after she hears Arman’s voice, she forgets she’s holding the knife for a moment and has to put it down in the laundry, but then she doubts herself again– she’s been wanting to hear his voice, wanting for him to show up and stay with her like he’d said he would before everything went to hell– so she has to peek out through the blinds to be sure it really is him there. And then she lets him in, heart still racing but her terror replaced by relief– not only that there wasn’t some intruder breaking in to get her, but also that Arman was there, and she wasn’t alone. I really wish we knew what time it was during this scene– ie, like midnight vs just barely pre-dawn, because that would change her perspective of why he’s here. I’m going to assume it’s just late at night, and so she’s looking at him secretly hoping that he’s come to tell her that he failed with Nadia, that there would be no reconciliation and that they would find another way to get access to the office. And hoping that maybe then he would ask if it was still okay for him to stay, to watch over her so she wouldn’t be alone… but instead he says that he’s just stopping by, and then hands her the keycard– and she just stares at it for a second, because let’s be real, it’s like he just handed her a certificate that has ‘JUST RENEWED MY WEDDING VOWS! ALSO MOST DEFINITELY JUST CAME HERE FRESH FROM HAVING EXCELLENT SEX WITH MY SUPER HOT WIFE’ emblazoned across it in fucking giant neon print.  And god the way she takes in a breath and opens her mouth like she’s trying so hard to find something neutral to say– even something simple like ‘okay thanks, I’ll call Garrett’– but then she makes the mistake of looking up at him and the words just die in her throat because she can’t do it, she can’t pretend like this is fine, like it doesn’t hurt to have him standing right there in front of her but now even further out of her reach than he’s ever been. The fact she doesn’t hide that pain from him is huge– yet another wordless admission that she previously never would have allowed herself– and he sees it, and it hurts him too, knowing that he can’t fix it. He’d probably been lying there staring at the ceiling while Nadia slept, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to say to Thony, because how do you tell someone that you love them and wish you could be with them, while actively taking steps to be with someone else? No wonder she cuts him off– I don’t think she could have handled it if he’d tried to tell her what he felt for her right then. So she brushes it all aside with an “It’s fine”– even though they both know it is absolutely not fine, but he respects her decision anyway and doesn’t try to continue the conversation, knowing that he doesn't have a right to try to close the distance between them that he himself has just created.

Ngl when I watched the ep for the first time, I viewed both this moment and the ‘maybe you should reconcile’ scene as him thinking her response meant she didn’t feel the same way about him, and being all angsty like ‘how could she just send me back to Nadia like she doesn’t even care?? Waaaaahhh she doesn’t love me back’ lol, because the idea of him wallowing in completely oblivious misery while she was wallowing in fully-aware misery was pretty damn delicious haha, but then the moment I watched those scenes again I was like ah no he for sure knows exactly what this is doing to them both, and tbh that’s actually even more delicious lol. Because that means that mixed in with all the turmoil and angst and pain, there’s a glowing thread of ‘oh my god she loves me back’ (or at the very least, ‘omg she wants to be with me too’ in case he doesn’t dare hope that she’s like truly ~in love~ with him) but that in turn makes the turmoil worse because it shows exactly what he’s giving up. And I’m honestly so proud that she let him see the truth, let herself be vulnerable and open instead of hiding what she really feels away behind layers of hastily-rebuilt walls. Bc they’ve been doing this dance for so long already where they’ve been practically shouting their feelings for one another through their actions, even as they don’t dare to breathe a word of it aloud; but now they’ve finally at least acknowledged that they’re there, even if they haven’t put a name to them. Which would be really fucking amazing if it wasn’t happening in a situation where they both think that any chance of being together is now gone hahaha. But ugh anyway she manages to bring things back to business by mentioning Garrett (a sure way to kill any romantic moment lol) and then sighhhh she opens the door and shows him out, which is some more downright rude symbolism from the writers tbh. Also this reminds me, I answered an ask about this scene here, which also has my interpretation of his “I don’t know how much time I can buy you”. (Ngl I am immature so I giggle at the implication that he cannot satisfy a woman for very long lol, but also c’mon we already know that’s totally not the case for him haha). But tbh I do love that line, because while he’s mostly trying to protect her by encouraging her to get in and out of the office as quick as she can, there’s also a hint of a plea there; like he’s saying that this reconciliation is by no means guaranteed to last, and is begging her not to give up on the two of them just yet. Which makes her tiny nod mean even more; lbr, he’s going to be clinging to that faint spark of hope in the days ahead. But ugh the way she glances out at him through the blinds one last time while locking the door behind him, and then looks down at the keycard she’s still holding, her jaw clenching? She’d gotten what she needed, but the question is– was it worth it??

Okay seriously, seeing Nadia wake up looking so happy and satisfied really sucks haha. (I mean, this is a great sign for how much Thony is going to enjoy her future life with Arman lol, but damn I really did not need the reminder of all the sexing that occurred– so thanks for that writers, you absolute sadists lol). Seeing her react to the empty bed beside her was hard too, and then the way she smiles at him when he appears with coffees?? Like dammit he’s already broken her heart once and now it’s almost definitely guaranteed to happen again– and even worse this time, because I’m convinced she is going to find out that this make-up was a ruse to allow him to steal her keycard, probably when he inevitably confronts her about the marriage certificate and she realises that the only way he could have seen it is by accessing the office. Not only will the realisation that he used her like that– and even worse, used her in order to help Thony– absolutely shatter her heart, but it will be such a huge blow to her pride that I wouldn’t be surprised if she legit tried to murder him lol. And tbh I wouldn’t be able to say that it’s not warranted, because holy shit this really was a betrayal of epic proportions (no matter how good his intentions were or the fact that he was trying to protect her, it was still unforgivable), and like I said in one of those previous Asks, their relationship will never, ever, ever recover from it. Which tbh is why I couldn’t hate all the Arman/Nadia in this ep, because the way it happened (Arman fighting to get her back, not for her, but for Thony) was literally like watching the titanic get put on a collision course with the iceberg; there’s nothing but absolute catastrophe lying ahead. Plus that’s not even to mention the fact that he was able to convince Nadia to take him back so easily, which clearly shows that the only reason they hadn’t reconciled earlier was because he actually hadn’t even been trying at all. Regardless of what he’d been telling her, he didn’t actually want to get back together with Nadia– especially not when her leaving him had freed him from the obligation that had kept him bound, that had kept him apart from Thony– but it wasn’t until the moment that Thony asked him to reconcile with her that he'd realised it. And then it didn't matter, because like he said in 2x04, he always does whatever it takes to keep Thony safe– even breaking his own heart.

Phew honestly it’s a relief to have an FBI scene, bc this ep is just too goddamn heavy lol. I’m happy to see Agent Chan again, and I hope she was the one who actually messed with his car haha. And then ta-da, looks like the cleaning lady we saw earlier did turn out to be plot-relevant after all, as Thony has put on her trusty cleaning-lady-disguise and taken her place. But ugh I can’t help but think about the fact that she’s in here alone, literally risking her life to get them all free of RK, while Arman is busy canoodling in the comfort of his king size bed. Though lbr, I don’t think anyone hates that fact more than Arman– how awful it must feel, to be deliberately deceiving one woman you love in an incredibly hurtful way, all the while knowing that the woman you love even more deeply is in danger and yet you’re here betraying her (no one will ever convince me that he doesn’t feel like he’s cheating on Thony right now) instead of there protecting her. Aaaand oops I managed to make the FBI scene about Armony lol. Also I get what Russo means with her comment, but I still take offense at her calling Thony ‘your girl’ lol. She is only one man’s girl (and as the song goes, he needs her, lol) and that man sure as hell ain’t Garrett. But ugh of course RK has a fucking advent calendar instead of a safe; thank god Thony gets lucky and finds the ledger after only a few goes, rather than having to search the whole fucking thing lol. But the ledger is not the only thing that she finds– and whatever that piece of paper is, it’s clearly hugely important, because she risks going back to get a photo of it even though she can see Joseph already headed her way. But ugh I do appreciate that Garrett was ready to rush in and save her, but looks like he has learned his lesson about busting in after what happened with Cortes. But also omg the stress of Joseph walking right past her in the hall?? Good thing the old cleaning-lady-invisibility appears to still be effective. Though ngl I was imagining a scenario where he and the other cleaning lady are a ~thing, so when he sees her there he goes over to flirt a bit, and then he realises it’s Thony and they stare at each other like wtf lol. But of course that would not have gone well for the mission, so I guess I will just have to give up on my Joseph x Faceless Cleaning Lady ship dreams for now haha. 

So Thony’s sitting in the kitchen looking at the photos on her phone (or lbr, one in particular, aka the mystery paper) and there’s the knock at the door, and she freezes for a moment, waiting– and then as soon as she hears Garrett’s voice she goes to let him in. And tbh I wonder if her waiting to hear who was at the door wasn’t just about making sure it wasn’t a potential threat, but also maybe she was wondering if it was Arman again, and so she hesitates because she’s not sure she can face him right now? Especially because they’ve now achieved what needed to be achieved, so technically he could call off the reconciliation with Nadia (though as I’ve said before, they both know he actually can’t/won’t, not without it making him an utter bastard). But maybe I’m just making stuff up here lol. Anyway I find it kinda interesting how she and Garrett are a little matchy matchy in their blue tops, like she and Arman had matched in their black jackets. Maybe the costume department showing her connection to both of them? But again, probably just me making stuff up. And then lol of course he casually does the social faux pas of scrolling through someone’s photos without permission, and she gets the phone back real quick, clearly to stop him seeing the pic of the mystery paper. But okay so he tells her they can get RK on criminal profiteering, and I’m confused again about the way he’s changed his tune?? Earlier in the ep he was super against the profiteering charge and was determined for him to go down for murder. What changed?? Or is Garrett planning to use the information gained from the ledger to trap RK in some other way? I need answers lol. But ugh it genuinely sucks when he is all compassionate towards her now because it just makes her feel so much more guilty about Maya… which is why she tries to make it clear to him how grateful she is for everything he’s done for her and her family, and how he’s not to blame for what happened with Maya. I guess she’s hoping that he will remember this conversation after he finds out the truth about Maya, and will know that she did genuinely care for him and that she wasn’t just using him the whole time. (Sidenote, she thanks him for everything he did for her family ‘last night’ but it was actually the night before that. Keep up, writers! lol). Also I can’t remember what ep it’s from, but I swear Garrett has said ‘good work today’ to her before and I’ve decided it’s his little catchphrase lol

Ughghhhhhh have i mentioned lately how much I love the De La Rosa family?? The pureness of the sibling bond between all three kids, and the way that all of them (Fi included) are able to have fun and be silly together? Like ngl this video game scene was an incredibly accurate family depiction haha. Also I love the melodic little sound Fi makes as she walks into the room, like a happy little wordless greeting? God she’s so cute, I want to be besties with her lol. Anyway honestly being here on this little ‘holiday’ with JD has been good for all of them ugh. But oooh the conversation between Fi and JD about Thony is interesting– she tells him it’s unfair for him to say he doesn’t want Jazz anywhere near Thony until the FBI stuff is over, but honestly is it unfair? He’s her father and he doesn’t want her in danger, and I mean before now it wasn’t like there was a way to remove Jazz from that situation, but now he’s back and has a safe place for her to stay, and she’s far better off with him than at the home where Thony’s enemies could find her. And his point about Thony putting them all in danger is kinda fair too tbh. Of course I’m a Thony supporter all the way, though, so I want to say ‘It’s not her fault! She didn’t have a choice!’.... except that that’s not entirely true. With regard to season 1, it was; she was doing whatever she had to do to save Luca, and if that came with a small risk to the family as a whole, she had no option but to accept that and take steps to minimise it as best she could. But now– with all the stuff with Kamdar– it’s different, because it’s not Luca or the family that she’s trying to save, it’s Arman, and she did have a choice. Bc honestly, after 2x04 (when Mr Motel Mustache is dealt with), she could have basically walked away from it all– she didn’t need to continue getting meds with Arman and selling them to help his and Nadia’s debt. And when the fight in 2x05 happened and Arman said they were done, she could have decided that they really were over and that she needed to remove herself from his world, and from him, and he wouldn’t have tried to force her back in; even with RK telling him to get Thony to come clean the office, if she’d outright said no and told him she wanted nothing more to do with him, he would have called one of La Habana’s cleaners and then just gone and borne the consequences of RK’s displeasure himself. But the truth is she was never going to do that. She was never going to walk away from him, not when he needed her– even though she knew it meant putting herself directly in the sights of a man as dangerous as Robert, she did it anyway. But the real question is, if she’d known then everything that would happen as a result of helping Arman, would she still have made the same choice? (Honestly, my gut says yes).  And okay anyway I love that Fi defends her and says that Thony’s the only one who’s always been there for her, but I mean really? How? They’ve been living in separate countries for 15 years, and who knows if Thony has ever even been able to visit before– not to mention that in the past 5 years she’s been completely occupied with just keeping Luca alive and also not going bankrupt from Marco’s assholery. Like I appreciate Fi’s loyalty but I have some questions lol. But oooh yessss at JD’s insistence that they all stay with him until it is all over, I fully support this! Bc as much as Thony being all alone hurts my soul, I love the J-Fi and kids family dynamic– and I mean, Thony’s house being empty means that Arman can come over and that they can…. talk….. without being interrupted lol. Just saying, those two have some reconciling of their own to do  :P

Speaking of the reconciling, god the way Nadia looks like she’s walking on air as she heads into the club is absolutely killing me (though again, what an excellent sign for future-Thony’s happiness haha) bc ugh it’s not fair that the source of her happiness is built on a lie, and that the whole thing is going to come crashing down around her very soon and leave her even more brokenhearted than before– bc let’s be totally honest here, this reconciliation was doomed from the start; we can’t control who we love, and despite Arman’s best efforts and intentions, at this point it would be easier for him to stop breathing than it would for him to stop being in love with Thony. Plus like I said before, there’s no way the man is going to be able to just ignore the marriage certificate– the evidence that she’s been lying to him since they met, and also the thing that could potentially mean their own marriage is void– and so when he inevitably confronts her about it, she’s going to realise that he got into the office somehow, and put two and two together. And ugghhhh even despite my love of Armony, that moment is going to be so hard to watch, because while Nadia has her flaws, she doesn’t deserve this.  And ugh we see just a tiny glimpse of that hurt when she realises the keycard is gone and is faced with the horrible possibility that Arman took it– but of course Thony protected him and left it somewhere where it would be found quickly, but would also still be believable that Nadia would leave it. Which is just even further manipulation of Nadia and ugh it feels gross to watch (though at least we know that both Thony and Arman feel terrible about it, and are only doing it because they have no other choice).  But ugh anyway on a happier sidenote, it’s cute that Nadia waved to the bouncer on her way in; I bet she’s made friends with all of them and they think she’s the best, and I could totally see her with a whole little army of loyal bouncers lol. (So look out, Arman! haha)

Okay so I might be getting a little conspiracy-theorist here, but I’m going to say it anyway: what if Russo is dirty??? Like what if Russo actually was the mole, and has been indebted to RK this whole time??? I mean I know Garrett found the tracker in Maya’s things, and so he now believes that that’s how RK knew where to find her– but who brought him those things? Russo. Russo, who knows him very well, and so would have known that he would have taken absolutely every precaution to hide Maya, meaning that Maya’s abduction and murder would have had him convinced that there must be a mole in their department. And so she preempts that by planting the tracker in Maya’s things and letting him discover it himself, completely erasing his suspicions and leaving her in the clear. Which makes me also wonder if her big promotion is either a) because Kamdar pulled some strings for her to get her the job she wanted, or b) was her looking for reassignment so she can get away from RK without him threatening to expose her. And so what if the whole reason she is pushing for him to be brought down for profiteering rather than murder is because that’s run by a different department, and so RK won’t know that she was involved? Bc I can imagine that if her department tried to take him down, he’d be like ‘well you better make this go away or I’m telling everyone about our arrangement and taking you down with me’. And so while she can’t risk being the one to take him down, she desperately wants to be free of him, which is why she’s pushing for the profiteering angle. But anyway I know I may be way off base with all this, but idk this theory just has a grip on me now lol. Like I don’t think Russo is bad, I think RK just has her in a tough spot, like he has Arman and Thony and so many others. Plus, the way Russo says “Now you know you’re not to blame” after Garrett finds the tracker makes me believe that she didn’t just plant it to cover her own ass– she also did it so he would be able to forgive himself, because she genuinely does care about him and hates that he’s hurting. But ah well, I guess we’ll see in the coming eps whether I’m onto something here or not lol

Damn, the fact that Thony is waiting for Arman outside despite the lingering threat of RK sending someone to hurt her?? I guess she really doesn’t want him in her space rn / is really trying to keep her distance now that the situation between them has changed. (again, the fantastic post by @enigmaticfox really highlighted this).  But ugh I need to know what she said to him to get him to come over– like I assume she texted rather than calling (hearing his voice and knowing that Nadia was likely only in the next room would have just been too hard to bear), and she was probably careful with her words in the text because she knew that there was the possibility Nadia would see his phone. So did she use some kind of code or something, because a ‘we need to talk’ would definitely not go down well if Nadia were to see it lol. So maybe she made up something about there being an issue with the meds that they needed to sort out, knowing he would understand what she was trying to say– and then after sending it she immediately gets a text back saying ‘on my way’ like he’d been keeping his phone close and just waiting to hear from her. But ugh I feel for the position she’s in– caught between the need to protect her family, and the irresistible urge to protect Arman (even from himself). And even as she asks if he knew about the marriage, she already knows the answer; simply because if he’d known, he would have told her already. They don’t keep things from each other, not anymore, which is why she risked going back to the certificate to get a photo– she wanted to be able to show him the definitive proof, so he wouldn’t be forced to choose between her word and Nadia’s. (Sidenote: from the certificate itself, we can see that Nadia’s surname was De Leon, which is freakin badass; and also that she and Robert got married 8 years ago, which means the maximum amount of time that she and Arman have been together is probably about 7 years, but may well be less). But anyway ughhh the way Thony makes it clear to him that she genuinely wanted to help him protect Nadia, but that if the only way to take down RK is for Nadia to go down too, then she’s going to have to take it, because she has to put the safety of her family first. And then they just stare at each other, because they both know what this means; if he chooses to put his family (aka Nadia) first– and protect her even if doing so means RK walks free– then he and Thony will have no choice to be on opposing sides in this fight. 

And that’s the last place either of them wants to be. 

[itchyeye]

Thoughts on irrefutably romantic jonelias? Like, evil beholding husbands running the institute together. Absolutely SMITTEN jonah, and a jon already knew he was magnus from the very start of s1. Jon completely willingly going along with the ritual, and all of his archival assistants and FRIENDS none the wiser that his ass is probably planning on killing them all in horrible ways……… sorry i have Oh So Very Many Thoughts on this.

(Would you. Would you mind if i dmed/pmed you about this on my main blog, actually? Because i tragically wouldn’t be able to keep gushing in reblogs because of the potential Pitchfork Hunting that seems to happen in these kinds of fandoms. The brainrot is So Real i am suffering)

i can tell you that six months ago i would've said that this didn't appeal to me but since then my brain stem has been consumed and replaced by an aggressively carnivorous and overtly amorous snail so this CALLS to me

i'm actually picking up an abandoned fic i first wrote in 2020 that explores an overtly romantic, established relationship jon/elias and i keep forgetting as i'm drafting that jon actually doesn't know about the body hopping thing

i actually have several wips at the moment and i keep forgetting this fact in all of them because it's just something i feel like they SHOULD share... obviously i love the slow build up and i love the "where they've always been, Martin. watching over MY institute" reveal it's like. truly unparalleled. but knowing elias while knowing he's jonah is just a specific depth of character knowledge that i feel like these two deserve to share. because they're in wuv.

maybe because re-listening with the knowledge that elias has been jonah all along is just soooooo delicious i want jon to know it too? idk. i love this concept. it still comes second to me to elias crafting his perfect archivist on his own but it's really appealing.

i think you could also do some really interesting things to jon's character here in terms of his web alignment? for this to work mr. spider would have to have gone very differently. you have the makings of a very engaging au on your hands.

you're more than welcome to DM me from your main! i'll keep our conversation private, just leave me a note that it's you. i'm sorry you feel like you can't talk about this publicly :(

i'm also happy to exchange discords!

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Helluva Boss new episode rambling (spoilers!)

So.....I-I really hate to say this, but I gotta be honest here.....I-I think this episode wasn’t as good as the last one. I-I still enjoyed it, and it’s still a good episode! But it’s not at the same level as Exes and Ohs, for a few reasons.....

Well, more like....ONE of those reasons is just Moxxie bias, but there’s another one, and that’s.....while I appreciate how in this episode, they tried to focus on the humor more so the dramatic moments pop out more, but....I just didn’t find a lot of it particularly funny. The big example is Striker’s theme song- I was just groaning at the lyrics rather than laughing, and I wish they’d played a cooler song at that moment instead to add to the tension of Stolas being kidnapped. And that bit with Striker yelling at the band just....didn’t make me laugh? I think it just dragged too much for me (especially when the one guy holds the last note). But humor is subjective, so it’s just me ^^; Same with Blitzo taking Loona to the vet. I didn’t find those scenes funny, but again, it’s just me. I’m trypanophobic, so I’ve never laughed at “hahaha this character’s scared of a shot” humor in any show, not just this.

My least-favorite part of the episode was the conversation between Blitzo and the receptionist tho. I actually got a bit uncomfortable there, and I literally couldn’t tell you why without coming off as the Fun Police, so I’ll just move on.

And there’s also Striker himself, who seemed.....a BIT goofier than his last appearance, where he was 100% taken seriously to Knight Of Cerberus levels. I-I do only say a BIT cuz he’s definitely still threatening.....he does very nearly kill Stolas, and there was that particularly chilling moment where he was gonna gauge out his eyes-

But there were also a lot of parts where he was just....dunked on, mainly verbally by sassy-mode Stolas. And yes, I did actually like that part, but it didn’t really do wonders for Striker specifically, y’know? XD And also.....the statue of himself. Really? I can’t see the Striker from Harvest Moon Festival doing something that goofy. (.....He HAS always been the “constantly feeling himself” type of guy, but...it’s so on the nose-)

But.....yup, that’s all my issues. Still liked the episode.

There are STILL jokes I laughed at. Just not as much as I would’ve liked. My favorites were the “cut off theme song reprise” bit when Millie asked the band where Striker was (I cackled at that part XD) and literally anything that came outta sassy Stolas’ mouth. I get that he wasn’t taking Striker seriously, and the whole point of the episode was to show that he’s able to get seriously hurt despite how powerful he is....but god I still loved those scenes where he’s just- telling Sriker off- d-despite being in a dire situation- and Striker’s reactions when he’s all “Blitzy’s hurt me worse before in bed” is priceless! XD YES, this was a LOT like the interrogation scene in Truth Seekers, but that’s one of my favorite scenes in the series so I’m happy to revisit that kinda humor

There’s also this exchange: “What does he look like, your highness?” (Stolas looks over at Striker) “Um.....sexy?” “THAT’S STRIKER, SIR!”

Moxxie, as a fellow bi disaster, um.....that’s the guy that almost killed you and incapacitated your wife-

And in general, that mini running gag of Striker recoiling in shock when something kinky is said....Not a favorite, but pretty good. XD

M&M defeating Striker by themselves was AWESOME!! The fight scene was really cool, and the way they worked together was satisfying. In particular, I love how Moxxie got to do a bit more hands-on combat here (him beating up the dude in the gas station being another example).

And of course.....there’s the ending.....oh my GOD do I love when Helluva hits me in the heart. It’s happened many times, but....I THINK this is the first time it’s been in a single sentence. When Blitzo, who also wasn’t taking the hostage situation seriously, cuz why would this one be any different.....sees what happened when he wasn’t there, and....

“He can get hurt?”

If there wasn’t enough proof that Blitzo cares, THERE IT IS. That look on his face when he said that....

And the fact that he struggles so much with being genuine that he didn’t know what to say to Stolas- H-he couldn’t even bring himself to apologize- UGH- DX

I hope Via went to see her dad in the hospital....H-he needs someone....

(Also I get that Stolas and Blitzo both struggle with their feelings and there’s this mutual misunderstanding going on where they both think the other doesn’t truly love them but GOD I really hope they follow this up next episode rather than have another Seeing Stars u-turn PLEASE- *cough*)

So....yeah, there was a LOTTA stuff to like in this episode! I just personally liked the last one more. Last one just.....hit harder. But....looking at the episodes I’ve called my favorites, maybe I’m realizing that I like Helluva more when it’s being a dramedy than a straight-up comedy. And this one was trying just a BIT too hard to make me laugh in certain places

[coraniaid]

would you be able to talk about chapter 20 for the coexist directors cut? it’s my favorite chapter for faith (and joyce!) and i’d love to hear any additional thoughts you might have

Thanks!

This was a chapter that took me a while to get right – the first of too many multiple months long gaps between updates – but I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

(Spoilers for Coexist below.)

I feel that the key scene for this chapter is the conversation in the garden between Faith and Joyce.  It’s the first part of the chapter I wrote and I believe it’s the part that works the best too.

I worried a bit while working on it that I was being a little too charitable to Joyce: that maybe this version of the character is a bit too quick to accept her daughter and a bit too willing to be self-critical of her past actions compared to the canon iteration.  If she is, I think you can justify that by noting that this version of Joyce had a very different summer than canon!Joyce: Buffy was only gone for a few days, not all summer, and with Giles dead Joyce doesn’t have such an obvious scapegoat to blame and has had time and opportunity to have a bit more self-reflection. 

I don’t think it really is too charitable though, and hopefully other people don’t either.

For a start, I think canon!Joyce gets on fairly well with Faith, at least at first.

In canon, I think we only see Faith and Joyce interact on a handful of occasions: 

in Faith, Hope & Trick, when Faith tells Buffy that Joyce is “cool” and Joyce tells Buffy how much she likes Faith (and encourages them to go on patrol together).

In Amends, when Joyce sends Buffy to invite Faith around for Christmas (and Faith, who guesses the invite is from Joyce instantly, brings her a “crappy” gift in exchange)

And then in This Year’s Girl when … well, admittedly Faith ties Joyce up and threatens to kill her, but she also tries to tell her that in some way they are the same, because Buffy has discarded them both.  She’s still trying to connect with her.

Meanwhile at the start of Who Are You? the next episode Joyce tells “Buffy” (actually Faith) that she doesn’t know what could have driven Faith to her current behavior and that she’s sure that she’s “horribly unhappy”.

So I think it’s fair to say that Joyce likes and (to some extent) empathizes with Faith, while Faith (who implies her own mother was abusive and is now dead) seems to genuinely like Joyce (or at least want to impress her).  Indeed in Enemies we’re told that Buffy’s relationship with her mother is one of the things about her life that Faith envies: “you get the Watcher; you get the Mom .. what do I get?”.

So in that regard, it makes sense to me that (in a world where Faith doesn’t defect to the Mayor), she’d probably have a basically positive relationship with Joyce.  Still not a completely trusting one, but one where both of them see the other as important to Buffy and try to win the other one over.

On the other hand, of course, Season 3 is the season where Joyce “tries to march in the Slayer Pride Parade”: it’s the season where the show is least subtle about the idea of Buffy “coming out” as a Slayer as a metaphor for her coming out as bi.  And I think it’s fair to say that – between Dead Man’s Party and Gingerbread – Joyce doesn’t always handle that very well.

(I think it’s interesting, in that regard, that Faith does not appear at all in either Band Candy or Gingerbread, the two episodes where – under magical influence – Joyce’s lingering hostility to the idea of Buffy being a Slayer are made most manifest: “You wanna slay stuff, and I’m not allowed to do anything about it” / “I wanted a normal, happy daughter.  Instead I got a Slayer.”  We don’t see how this repressed, resentful side of Joyce feels about Faith.)

If you take the metaphorical reading seriously, it’s easy to decide – as quite a few fics I’ve read have done – that Joyce would also react badly to Buffy coming out in a more literal way.  And certainly there’s evidence in canon to support this.  In Season 5's Buffy vs Dracula Joyce at best doesn’t realize that Willow and Tara are in a relationship or at worst thinks that it’s something that they’ll grow out of “when you girls are older”; by the next episode though she does seem to have realized, as Dawn tells us that “I guess her generation isn’t cool with witchcraft”.

But – while I certainly don’t think Joyce would behave flawlessly – I do think that she would at least try to react well.  We know that Joyce wants to understand Buffy; we know that she wants to get to know her romantic partners.  Yes, we also know that Joyce assumes Buffy will be dating boys – Joyce definitely has expectations about her daughter she hasn’t quite set aside – but Joyce also tells Buffy repeatedly (going all the way back to Season 1’s Witch) that she doesn’t think she needs to understand Buffy in order to care about her and want her to be happy.

And, honestly, I don’t think it’s sensible to focus only on the metaphorical side of “coming out” as a Slayer.  Ignoring the subtext, it seems fine for Joyce to not be happy about the fact her daughter spends her nights fighting vampires and that this is dangerous enough that she could be and already has been killed doing it.

[Obviously I’m ignoring the Normal Again sized elephant in the room here.  This version of Joyce definitely didn’t have Buffy sent to “a clinic” when they were in LA, and would be rightly horrified at the thought.  As, I’d argue, would the Joyce we see on screen during any of the show’s first five seasons.]

So, to me, this version of Joyce – well-meaning but perhaps a little awkward – is just as consistent with canon as any other version of the character.  I think – or hope – that how she deals with finding out that Buffy and Faith are together makes sense.  And that Faith too reacts in a way that makes sense of her character at this point in the story: still suspicious, but wanting to trust and to be trusted.

Faith wants to think that Joyce is different from her own mother, but her own childhood trauma means that she’s still wary.  Meanwhile Joyce wants to make a good impression on Faith  – as a Slayer and Buffy’s girlfriend, Faith represents two different parts of Buffy’s life that Joyce would want to connect with – but it’s possible that she’s still not totally comfortable with the thought of her daughter being in a relationship with a woman.  I tried to be deliberately a little vague on whether Faith was right to think that Joyce was giving her odd looks when she thought she wasn’t watching. I think that ambiguity (and Faith’s reaction to having what Joyce did last year spelled out) is an important part of what makes the scene work. As is, for that matter, Buffy's own uncertainty about how her mother will react.

Another scene I think works well is the earlier scene where Faith heads back to Jenny’s and starts trying to talk herself into thinking that Buffy’s going to give up on her.

At this point in the story it’s probably pretty clear that Faith isn’t going to go to the dark side (and not just because this story is tagged as having a happy ending).  But I wanted it to feel plausible that Faith could still do something reckless – jump to assumptions about how Buffy feels, or rush off and attack the Mayor herself  – because I still wanted Faith to feel like the angry and miserable teenager she is in canon.  Just one who, thanks to a lot of luck (and the author frequently tipping the scales on her behalf) didn’t quite ever make the same mistakes.