"If rest becomes a form of recovery from work, as is the case today, it loses its specific ontological value. It no longer represents an independent, higher form of existence and degenerates into a derivative of work. Today's compulsion of production perpetuates work and thus eliminates that sacred silence. Life becomes entirely profane, desecrated."
—Han Byung-Chul, The Disappearance of Rituals (trans. Daniel Steuer)
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So I read Trimax...and rewatched Stampede after...
I cried so hard and for so long and so frequently that the next day my eyes and head still hurt. I think about it and just want to curl up and cry over it again. Tis peak 10/10, I am resisting the urge to read it all again. I will rewatch Tristamp and 98 another 10 more times.
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13 yo Obi-Wan: You guys are keeping me captive 🥺
Jaster: Ob’ika, we are bringing you back to the temple to reunite with your people.
Obi-Wan: 🥺 then why am I in a cage?
Jaster: *looks pointedly at Jango covered in bite marks, bandages and a torn kute*
Jango: Jas’Buir, he’s really cute, the bites didn’t even hurt 🥺
Obi-Wan: Yeah, I’m just making friends 🥺
Jaster: *soul deep sigh* I am not letting you out of the cell so you can maul my ad again.
Jango: Buuuir, he’s just an ad’ika, lookit his ik’aad fangs, he won’t actually hurt me!
Jaster: You we’re begging me to get his fangs out of your wrist five minutes ago.
Jango: He’s just teething!!
Jaster: Jan’ika, I know you want to keep him, but he’s not even house broken yet.
Jango: Neither was I when you adopted me!! He’s chosen me! Lemme keep him!
Obi-Wan: 🥺 I will be a good boy if you stick your fingers in my enclosure 🥺
Jaster: *physically holding Jango back* No. We will revisit this when the baar’ur has given him a Xanax omfg- *dragging Jango out of the ship hold*
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One thing that I always think about post-dungeon recovery Mithrun who got home is that people were probably used to talking about him while he was still in the room.
Misiril's squad used to that when he was still in their care. Questions towards him were quickly redirected to others when he wouldn't (couldn't) answer their questions -- where was the rest of his squad? what happened to the demon? how did he even end up like this? Asking or talking to Mithrun is a pointless effort. So they stopped doing that.
And Mithrun, he's gotten used to this set-up, not like he could bring himself to care.
When his caretakers and visiting family started doing it, he continued to be apathetic to them (although, the numbness from this large, gaping hole in his chest makes him think that he used to care).
The caretakers would do their duties, but behind his back, they would probably gossip about Mithrun's chances of recovery. Others think there is still hope, a lot of them think this is going to be permanent. Which is good, at least to their business, because Mithrun's brother pays a lot to make sure he is alive. And Mithrun...is not in the state to do that himself. They at least try to whisper when they're around Mithrun, keep their voices low or mention him under an alias or a codename. But Mithrun knows they are talking about him. He is the elephant in the room.
His visiting family is less nice. They take one look at him and weep -- not out of worry, or pity, or sadness -- but of shame. There is no way they can show him to others anymore, they bemoan. There is no way he can represent himself as a member of the House of Kerensil, they cry. He's just like his brother! And, once upon a time, that comment would've hurt Mithrun, a stab right into his heart. But all he feels is a gaping numbness that cannot be filled (It used to be full, he can't help but think).
I wish he had died, someone from his family said while he was within earshot. And Mithrun, barely alive but still breathing, cannot bring himself to care.
The only person that I think would be delighted to see him alive, at least, is his brother. I can see him visiting Mithrun whenever he can (at least in elf time terms). Talking to him as if he can respond, asking him about things when Mithrun can't bring himself to answer. At some point, Mithrun's brother stopped talking to him when he visits; instead, he would just sit next to Mithrun and watch the birds and the flowers. He would drink tea and Mithrun would do nothing.
But once in a while, Mithrun's brother would tell him, I'm glad you came home, I'm glad you're still alive.
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Listen it’s all well and good when you’re relating to fictional characters, but when someone ELSE tells you you’re going to relate? When they say “this charscter does the exact same thing you do”? When you get to the relevant bit and they immediately quote the line they knew would make you get exactly why they’d said you’d relate so hard? When the character in question has a villain arc??
Absolutely unparalleled psychic damage.
In conclusion, truly wild experience, would 100% get called out like this again.
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it just occurred to me, martin wilby is the alex rider tv show's ash. there's a line in season 1 where the department is talking about wilby being responsible for ian's death and how ian “thought the world of him.”
very similar to how ash was responsible for john (and helen's) death, but john very clearly loved the guy. enough to make him alex's godfather and save his life. another very interesting parallel for the rider brothers.
ash and wilby are different to each other however. at least ash had somewhat more of a reason to join scorpia? a vendetta against alan blunt. wilby just straight up wanted money. yassen gregorovich stabbed both of them though.
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