#That's how I enjoy my media Shannon

[sirfrogsworth]

A few people took exception to calling my car's CD player useless.

I actually think it is great there are a few holdouts still using CDs.

CDs are truly one of the most perfect media ever created.

And I can prove that mathematically.

Some will say vinyl is superior. And as much as I love records, the audio quality is preferred, not better. People have a *preference* for how vinyl sounds, but it still leaves out audio information and has noise and artifacts caused by the mechanics of the turntable and an imperfect manufacturing process.

In fact, the lesser audio quality is exactly what people enjoy. It has a warmth and comfortably compressed dynamic range that is not fatiguing over long listening sessions. It's like choosing a nice fire over a 100% efficient space heater.

But if you want perfect audio quality that does not exceed the limits of human hearing, compact discs are where it's at.

It all has to do with Dr. Harry Nyquist and his Nyquist-Shannon Theorem. (Sometimes Shannon gets left out and it is just called the Nyquist Theorem.)

The simple version is he figured out how much something needs to be sampled in order to not lose any information. As long as you sample something at a frequency greater than or equal to twice per cycle, you will have a lossless... whatever.

In this case, a lossless audio recording.

So the range of human hearing is about 20 Hz to 20 kHz. That's the lowest and highest frequencies we can perceive. The scientists creating CD audio figured they'd do 22 kHz for some overhead and then you double that to get 44 kHz. (Technically it was 44.1 kHz.)

You can imagine the smooth curvy line as an analog recording. No gaps. No information loss.

The black squares are digital samples recorded over a period of time. You can see there are gaps between those black squares. A tiny bit of time passes between the squares where nothing is sampled. INFORMATION LOSS! NOOOOO!

Clearly the vinyl nerds are correct and digital is inferior, right? You are going to get the dreaded... STAIR STEPS!

Not so fast, bucko!

By getting enough samples over a period of time, you can use math to infer that smooth sloping line connecting those individual samples. So the digital recording also has no information lost once it is converted back to analog and played through your speakers.

This connecting of dots is called "interpolation."

You could take the curvy analog, convert it to digital, get the same black squares, and then interpolate the black squares back into analog and get the same curvy line. It goes back and forth perfectly. And this is all verifiable with an oscilloscope.

NEAT!

Then of course you need a good dynamic range--the spectrum of quiet to loud. Anything above 85 decibels will damage your hearing, so they went with a 16-bit depth which covers roughly 100 dB. Again, giving them a little overhead for death metal and overzealous trumpet players.

And the final component is data bandwidth or "bitrate" usually measured in kilobits per second. This is how much data is read every second. The 1s and 0s of it all. The bitrate of a CD is calculated by multiplying 44,100 samples per second per channel by 16 bits per sample and then multiplying by 2 channels. After all that mathing is math'd, you get a perfectly uncompressed 1,411 kbps.

So you've got all the frequencies you could ever hear combined with as much volume as your ears can stand with a bit rate that will give you no loss of data.

The *perfect* audio quality all encoded into little microscopic pits.

Now you may be asking, "Why do I see "24/96" or "24/192" advertised on fancy audio equipment and high quality streaming platforms like Tidal? Aren't 24 bits better? Isn't 96 kHz MORE than 44.1 kHz?"

Dr. Nyquist might say... this is some bullshit.

This confusion comes from the fact that recording quality and playback quality are two different animals. This misunderstanding happens with video and photo quality as well. Recording in 6K will give you a sharper picture even if your final playback quality is 4K. You can get bad pixels and noise and stray photons that do not contribute to the detail in the video. By giving yourself overhead you can ensure you hit the desired quality target.

And recording at 24 bits and 96 or 192 kHz, you get a higher resolution to edit and master with, but it is only advantageous to the computer software... not the human ear.

From a photographer's perspective, I relate to it like this...

If I have more megapixels and more colors and more dynamic range I have more leeway when editing my photos. If you try to push a low quality photo in the edit, it has this tendency to fall apart. You can get ugly color banding and harsh contrast and sharpening artifacts. By capturing more quality than you need in the finished product, you can process the photo much more dramatically before it deteriorates and loses integrity.

Audio and video are the same way.

So let's say you have a metal singer that screams at the microphone as loud as possible from 2 inches away.

At 16 bits they may surpass that 100 decibel dynamic range and distort the recording. But if you record in 24 bits, you get 144 dB to play with. Or you can even do 32 bits and get 1500 dB--a volume that no human voice could ever surpass. It guarantees a clean, distortion free recording, but 32 bits would be pointless for human listening.

The same is true with the sample rate. Having a higher resolution allows you to zoom into waveforms and adjust things to an extremely granular level. You can do precise timings, tiny pitch adjustments, apply loads of digital effects, and just have more room for audio activities without degrading the sound quality.

But outputting 192,000 of those black squares is going to interpolate the exact same smooth curvy line as 44,100 when it is played through speakers.

The oscilloscope knows what I'm talking about.

Now I am about to reveal a secret that no audiophile who has invested in a $115,000 high resolution 32 bit/3,072 kHz DAC wants to acknowledge...

The master recording is always more important than the playback quality.

If you have a high quality source it will sound great even in a highly compressed MP3. Just like the 6K video is sharper on the 4K TV. And the high megapixel photo looks better in an Instagram post.

If the source is good, the media will be good.

And since high resolution audio services often seek out the best masters available before encoding their playback files, it gives many people the illusion they are getting better sound quality due to the boosted specs.

When in reality, it was just a better copy of the original recording.

According to Nyquist, your human ears are not computers and all you need is double the frequency to hear perfect sound with no loss of information. So anything above 16 bit/44.1 kHz/1411 kbps and you are just wasting bandwidth on a server.

And I don't want to hear anything about "stair stepping."

IT'S MATH.

Your ears aren't better than math, okay?

If you don't believe in math, then you and Jack White can sit in the naughty math corner with his bespoke overpriced vinyl pressings.

I will say, there is a gap between your standard music streaming service like Spotify and your bullshit audiophile service like Tidal.

Free Spotify uses heavily compressed files. Which means the bitrate is quite low and there can be information loss. Or "lossy" compression. Modern compression is actually pretty amazing, but I'm afraid anything below 320 kbps may cause some songs to not sound as intended.

Depending on the content, some songs are more suited to compression than others. And even with premium Spotify, they cap songs at 320 kbps which still may not be enough for busier, harder-to-compress songs.

Also, I don't know if Spotify cares about getting the best quality master for a given song. Which, again, is the most important aspect of sound quality.

But services like Tidal waste bandwidth with their super specs and that isn't great for the environment. What I'd love to see is a company that makes their best effort to seek out high quality masters, and encodes their files at 16 bit/44 kHz with a lossless variable bit rate compression. Variable bit rate or "VBR" will do more compression during simpler parts of the audio and less compression during more complex parts. It's smart compression, basically. And as long as you use a high enough bitrate to achieve lossless compression, the sound quality will be the same as if there is no compression at all. So you still get smaller file sizes that use less bandwidth and have a smaller environmental impact.

That would be a streaming service I would consider paying for. Especially if they put great effort into getting high quality original recordings for their content.

In conclusion... if you are still using CDs you don't need to worry about audio quality. You're all set. There is a sort of beauty in what the audio scientists who created compact discs did. They figured out the limits of human audio perception and created a format that just slightly exceeded that. No "bigger number is better" marketing. No audiophile bullshit.

They said, "Here is what you need and nothing more."

They made a perfect thing and they should be proud of that.

[sisterdivinium]

You know, for a show with so many female characters that so many of us love given how they all get time in the spotlight one way or another and they fill that time up rather wonderfully since they are deeper and more developed than what we're used to seeing in general media, it is peculiar (to say the least) to see so few "alternative" ships to the main one.

I'm not saying the canon ship doesn't deserve its attention -- I'm wondering instead why the canon ship and it alone seem to guide the WN fans who just so happen to enjoy writing/reading fic or fanart or whatever.

You'd think all these cool women would inspire more ships or combinations thereof, but those of us who aren't invested in avatrice just... Float along, around one another, ignored (and, yes, mostly undisturbed too; being unpopular does have its advantages and that includes a lot less weirdos leaving you strange or awkward messages -- it does not, however, shield us from people flooding our goddamn tags on AO3 with fic that has nothing to do with our little ships and I do wish such negligence of the pairing itself meant we didn't have to deal with this spam...)

I am also not saying that fandom activity should be based solely on shipping (and recently someone on Reddit was rather confused by the fact that a lot of it is, which is quite an interesting topic to discuss in itself -- after all, there is more to fan creativity than shippy fic... Or there used to be), merely that, here, it appears that a canon relationship can outshine interest in the other, non-canon ones. It's already there and it was doubtless well-done by the show, so it's natural that it should claim people's attention, sure. It's just that being canon was never the parameter for whether people were interested in these or those two (or more) characters maybe being involved and trying to explore what that could mean through fanwork.

There has always been a complaint haunting fandom spaces concerning the minuscule amounts of f/f fic, art, discussion, w/e based on how few (interesting or sympathetic or relatable) female characters there are in media at large. So what I'm curious about is why fan creations made around WN -- a show that finally gives us a whole cast of female characters that are what we have been craving for decades -- don't also reflect its diversity.

There are alternative ships (I'm here, all happy in my tiny Doctor Superion bubble, and I know there are Camila/Lilith, Ava/Lilith, Mary/Shannon, Mary/Lilith shippers out there, so a warm hello to you if you're reading this), but go on AO3 and compare the numbers of things tagged with these proper pairings to the grand total of WN stories. Better (or worse) still, do so with the "otp: true" trick or simply by excluding avatrice from the search to see how many are left.

It's... A considerable difference. And a mystery, at least to me.

[corvidinthewoods]

going to ramble a bit about hbomberguy, not the latest video directly more about some of the reaction to it. full disclosure i am a patron of his, have been for a few years, and became a fan of his channel years before that. i think maybe six years ago? give or take.

im maybe experiencing cognitive dissonance bc its nice that something ive enjoyed for a long time is gaining new audience, and of course new criticism. my initial reaction has been one of resistance that i need to check.

but after reading a bit more of the criticism im like. i kinda of agree? only kind of. i feel like the criticism is maybe not directed at me (or types of fans like me) but at folks for whom this is their first encounter with hbomberguy and are hailing him as a career-ruiner and gleefully enjoying the takedowns. dont get me wrong, takedowns are fun and they’ve always been core to his channel. his oldest stuff was debunking and clowning on right wing youtubers. but thats not all he is? and i dont like the idea of him as this Great Takedown Guy because personally the stuff i like best is his media criticism.

and thats not in the way some folks are like “oh yeah i enjoy hbomberguys media analysis but not his political stuff” i like both. but i think if folks are disregarding that side of his channel then theyre not like. idk how to word this im not the best writer. theyre missing out? or missing the point?

my personal favorite hbomberguy video is Halcyon Dreams. I also really enjoy Scanline (which is both him and shannon strucci), the CAD SLA, and the whole And Here’s Why series (especially speedrunning and pathologic). in much of hbomberguy’s other work, he will disagree with creators or producers in ways that aren’t career endings. and i don’t imagine he’s trying to become a person who does that all the time? i see behavior of his that indicates this to me, such as not naming who took his joke in the uber, explicitly saying “if you go harass Somerton you are worse than him”, and how most of And Here’s Why is neutral to positive, even tho the Garbage ones may get more views. the Sherlock has the highest

uhh where am i going with this. i always got points off for my transition sentences in essays

i guess im saying like. i don’t think it’s fair to just view the hbomberguy channel as waiting for the skeletons to come out of the closet. but i also dont think fans (especially y new fans) should put him up on this pedestal, particularly as Guy Who Destroys Careers. its not a good idea to idolize ppl in general, and its not great to live in a mindset of waiting for the next target for you to justify harassing.

[itgirlmind]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 𝒾𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒶 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Oh, the Internet. A myriad of a million hyperlinks, videos, and social media platforms barraging us with contradicting advice from every single angle...and here I am to throw some more in your lap! Below are a handful of online blogs, Youtube channels, and Spotify podcasts that I myself love and live by. Truthfully, I did plan on adding a list of self help novels that transformed me into moi but....there's just far too many. Perhaps another time, my darlings! I sincerely hope that the media I've included here resonate with you and allow you to step into your highest self. Enjoy!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ blogs

La Vie En Rose Diaries by Blair Natalia

Blogpost of Choice: Why I’m Treating Myself like the Princess I Deserve to Be ♡

The It-Girl Diaries by Lydia

Blogpost of Choice: Becoming Your Own Version Of 'That Girl'

The Skinny Confidential by Lauryn Bosstick

Blogpost of Choice: How to Remove Toxicity From Your Mind And Body

Aria Kaiser by Aria Kaiser

Blogpost of Choice: Lets Talk Food

The It Girl Guide (TIGG) by Sky Haarsma

Blogpost of Choice: Our It-Girl Essentials

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ podcasts

Early Call Her Daddy episodes

Sofia With An F by Sofia Franklyn

Busy, Yet Pretty by Jadyn Hailey

The Wellness Cafe by Trinity Tondeleir

The Skinny Confidential by The Skinny Confidential

The Balanced Blonde by Jordan Younger

The Blonde Files by Arielle Lorre

Already Friends by Allison Wetig and Ceara Kirkpatrick

Middle Ground by Jo Johnson and Caroline Stelte

Crying In Public by Sydni and Sarah

The School of Greatness by Lewis Howes

The Tony Robbins Podcast by Tony Robbins

Trying Not To Care by Ashley Corbo

For You From Eve by Olivia Eve Shabo

Unf*ck Your Brain by Kara Loewentheil

The Psychology Of Your 20's by Jenna Sbeg

Habits Of A Goddess (Affirmations)

The goop Podcast by Goop Inc.

Almost 30 by Krista Williams and Lindsey Simcik

Guide Me Glow by Shannon Tang

Girls with Goals by AnnCatherine and Caroline

Hot Girl Energy by Kaylie Stewart

The Bossbabe Podcast by Natalie Ellis and Danielle Canty

Girlboss Radio by Puno

Gals On The Go by Danielle Carolan and Brooke Miccio

Girls That Invest by Sim and Sonya

Her First $100K by Tori Dunlap

Victoria's Thoughts by Victoria de Vall

Breaking Beauty by Jill and Carlene

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ youtube channels

Alay Bowker x Give Me Glow ; vlogs, guides, and inspo

Alyse Parker; wellness, lifestyle, and spirituality

Claudia Sulewski; vlogs, style inspo, lifestyle

dear peachie; beauty, makeup tutorials, makeup trends

Elena Taber; vlogs, lifestyle, and travel

Emma MacDonald; vlogs, hauls, and modeling

Eva Meloche; vlogs, lifestyle, organization inspo

Maddie Lymburner; meals, workouts, lifestyle inspo

MadFit; every type of workout for every type of fitness journey

Makayla Merie; vlogs, workout attire, lifestyle inspo

Meghan Livingstone; holistic nutrition, gut health, meal inspo

Romee Strijd; VS angel turned vlogger

The Skinny Confidential; recipes, girl talk, and wellness

Thewizardliz; the queen of having an "it girl mindset"

Yoga With Adriene; yoga for everybody!

Much love, Auden♡

[lenaboskow]

gay!eddie is happening in the near future, a post brought to you by someone who spends way too much time dissecting queer media (and usually ends up being at least half right)

bear with me, it's a long one under the cut

i have a longer, more scene specific post that i will finish during the break if nothing happens tonight but i am a full believer that eddie's big arc this season (or next season, depending) is that the reason none of his past relationships worked out is because he's gay (not bi, gay)

disclaimers: i fully believe eddie loved shannon, just not the way he wanted to. you can also be gay and still enjoy heterosexual sex. sometimes sex really is just sex. this post is purely about romantic attraction.

I also tried to leave as much out about buck as possible (though that's hard, the man is obviously an integral part of his life) because gay!eddie diaz will happen no matter if buddie is endgame, and people need to realize that. their sexualities are more than just about each other.

anyways, on to the post-

it's canon that eddie will put christopher first when it comes to deciding relationships, and i think we first see that with shannon. rewatching season 2, i didn't get the impression that he wanted a romantic relationship with her, but he wanted her back in his son's life, and to eddie, those two go hand in hand.

and, if we're being honest, i think eddie's habit of putting other people first is the whole reason he got with shannon, because his family taught him that he was supposed to find a nice girl and settle down. who better to do that with than his best friend? my theory is further proven when shannon gets pregnant and eddie marries her out of a sense of duty, and then immediately ships off to afghanistan under the pretense of "providing" (and isn't it something that he picks a profession where he'll be away from his family for months at a time)

the only reason eddie returned is because of the helicopter crash, to which shannon immediately started talking about moving to california. while i believe that wanting to rest after the crash could be part of the reason he was hesitant, i think there was also a fear of what would happen when he was no longer near his family he was trying to please.

of course, eddie eventually moves to la after getting a job offer from both lafd and chicago. carla mentions that it is only thirty minutes from shannon, and while that could be because he wanted to reconcile, i think it was more to do with wanting to have his son's mother near. that, and lafd is the best in the world (according to eddie)

eddie only kisses shannon in 2x07 after she does her family interview for the school. this specific fact coupled with the absence of the eddie diaz heart eyes™️ (which, despite his closing off at the beginning of the series, we'd already seen in 2x01 when he and buck call truce) makes me believe he realized he could trust her and wanted her back in his son's life, and the way to do that was to get back together.

"but they hid their relationship for a while" eddie was still scared. comphet is a real thing, and causes people to act on things they necessarily don't want. i believe he pursued a romantic relationship with shannon because that's what she wanted, and if he kept her happy, she wouldn't leave again. this is why i wish we could've seen divorced shannon/eddie instead of her dying immediately, and i wonder if maybe it would've sped up the whole deconstruction process for him.

the next time eddie dates, it's with ana. on paper, ana is the perfect wife for him. she's a teacher, knows how to handle kids, is latina, the whole package. eddie tries so hard to make it work, that it actually does, and this causes him to panic. both carla and buck tell eddie not to take just chris into consideration, but to make sure he wants it too, and after some time, he breaks it off with her. the way ana reacted to the breakup makes me wonder if she could also sense the reason for the breakup.

marisol is where it starts to get tricky, but i feel like we've seen enough (or not enough) in these four episodes to piece some information together. chris is the one who encourages eddie to call her, and that makes me wonder if that's the reason they're still together. before the promo of the bucktommy date eddie and marisol crash, we only got two mentions of marisol, and both times was in relation to her helping with chris. at this point, eddie has spent more time with tommy than he has with marisol, as far as we're aware.

the synopsis of tonight's ep says that eddie and marisol "take a closer look at their relationship" and given that we haven't seen much of them on screen, it makes me wonder what this could be about. does it maybe have something to do with them crashing the bucktommy date?

obviously, i wouldn't be mad if eddie turned out to be bi. however, to me, all of his relationships seem be a big case of comphet. speaking from experience, as someone who's pursued relationships with men purely because that's what i was expected to do, not because i actually wanted to be with them. and just like eddie, there was a time where if my best friend (who was of the opposite gender) had asked me out, I would've said yes and married him had it come to that, because it would've made my family happy. i've gotten to a point where i don't care what my conservative family thinks or wants, and i truly believe that this season, we'll see eddie get to that place to.

if you've made it this far, thank you for listening, and here's to hoping we get gay!eddie tonight.

tag: @queeredmundo

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: 6x18 was the third time the audience watched their relationship movie

Several people have commented on 911blr, other social media platforms and post-mortem interview articles about the way the audience saw this movie before at the end of season 4 with Buck/Taylor and Eddie/Ana. However, the truth is, it’s the third time the audience has witnessed their dating fiascos.

Buck always follows Eddie’s lead which makes it seem like Buck is waiting on Eddie to let him know he’s an option.  If Eddie’s not dating or attempting to date neither is Buck.  Buck starts dating the very next episode after Eddie does and it’s happened three times and the timeline below proves it.

In 2x7 “Haunted” Buck finally let go of Abby in the same episode that Eddie reconnected with Shannon. Then in 2x8 “Buck Actually” Buck started dating Ali.

Neither of them dated in season 3.

In 4x6 “Jinx” Eddie started dating Ana and in 4x7 “There Goes the Neighborhood” Buck got back onto the dating apps and had a disastrous date with Veronica.  Then he started to heavily pursue Taylor in 4x8 “Breaking Point” but she friend zoned him until after Eddie was shot and she told him she wanted him in 4x14 “Survivors”.

Neither of them dated in 6A.

In 6x14 “Performance Anxiety” Eddie’s aunt set him up on a blind date and in 6x15 “Death and Taxes” Buck said Natalia sees him followed by Eddie giving him a look filled with hurt.  So, Eddie started pursuing Marisol because he thought Buck rejected him again just like he thought Buck did after the will reveal in 4x14.

Once I realized this, I remembered Karen’s comment to Hen in 5x17 “Hero Complex”, “Once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern”.  Their relationship fiascos with these one dimensional women keep happening and this is the third time which means it’s a pattern.

Does this mean they’ll be together in season 7, PROBABLY NOT but isn’t it interesting that even though the creators and more than likely the showrunners knew they would be cancelled after season 6 but they chose not to make them CANON?

Since they knew they were going to be cancelled they didn’t have anything to lose if they had made Buck and Eddie a CANON couple unless they wanted to stall/delay it yet again.  Therefore, it could mean they were already in talks with Disney months before they told the cast about the switch from Fox to ABC.  Let’s be real for a minute because a deal like that doesn’t happen overnight since there are a lot of legalities and financials that have to be sorted and decided which could mean the 9-1-1 creators and Disney were in talks for months.  Also, it’s possible they were required to sign an NDA (Non-disclosure agreement) stating they wouldn’t release the information until May 1, 2023 when the official announcement was made, hence the reason why the cast wasn’t notified until two hours before the 9-1-1 Fox Cancellation story was released.

This speculation doesn’t dismiss the creators’ or the showrunners’ actions/agendas for 6x18 but all of this seems to be very suspect.  Also, viewers can voice their constructive criticisms about the show they enjoy watching on their own blogs so the creators of that TV show will know their audience isn’t happy and that’s the goal of my posts regarding my lack of enjoyment with season 6 overall.  Since it’s evident they’ve been reading fanfics, it’s possible they read posts and comments too, otherwise how else would they know what the audience thinks about the show they created for entertainment purposes?

Being frustrated with the outcome doesn’t mean anyone should be rude to the actors, actresses, writers and producers because they don’t have the final say.

Disclaimer:  I’m UNSURE if I will watch season 7 and to be honest if I do, I WON’T watch it live.  I won’t know for a while because I’m still reeling from the things that happened in 6x18 but after last night’s dust finally settled (for me at least), I read some wonderful speculation posts here on 911blr this morning and the users analyzed a lot of things I missed during my live watch because I was SUPER PISSED.  I didn’t even watch the last few minutes because it felt so RIDICULOUS and I won’t rewatch that episode again.  LIKE EVER!

For me, season 6 ended at 6x13 “Mixed Feelings” so when and if I feel like writing fanfic again (I probably will because I love writing it but I’ll take a few days to decide) I will act like 6x14-6x18 never existed.

[sapphic-luthor]

different anon here but does your gf have any good lesbian media/book recs (since she read so many lesbian books in such a short amount of time lol)!!

gf said, and i quote,

“i’m going to take the rest of the day off to work on this list”

so without further ado, here is her short list of recs copied straight from her (and with my own comments in italics for the ones i know):

Okay! So here’s my book recommendations.

- Fingersmith by Sarah Waters. Loved this book, love all Sarah’s books (haven’t read the non-gay one though, sorry not sorry). Sarah is a great one for the twists and I enjoyed this one so much that I actually recommended the book to my mam and she also loved it. The story is gay + set in the 19th century + lady/handmaiden trope so what’s not to like. Also really recommend. For related media, there’s a BBC miniseries based off of it, and a film by Park Chan-wook called The Handmaiden, which is honest to god one of the best films ever made. It is harrowing, but it is brilliant.

- Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters. Again, gay + set in the 19th century. Explores the queer scene in Victorian London to its full extent. A real page turner. GREAT fun, a little dark at points, but good and raunchy.

- The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters. Gay + 1920s + yearning + tense + murder + dramatic. My recommendation when it comes to Sarah’s books is to give them time. Do not put them down because I promise you they will get GOOD.  Slowburn of slowburns. Gorgeous.

- Affinity by Sarah Waters. Gay + Victorian prison + disgraced spiritualist. Compared to the other three this one is actually a little bit… boring? You’re kinda waiting for something to happen for a long time but WHEN IT DOES boy is it worth it. And that part that’s worth waiting for actually made me want to read it again.

- The Night Watch by Sarah Waters. This was a bit like Affinity for me in that I was waiting for it to pick up a bit but once again, Sarah did not disappoint and I finished it wanting to read it again. The story is told backwards through third-person narrative, takes place in 1940s London during and after WWII and follows ‘Kay, Helen and Julia, three lesbians; Viv, a straight woman; and Duncan, her brother, whose sexuality is ambiguous.’

- One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston. This was my favourite book of 2021 because I read it as a baby gay and it’s set in modern times and is so full of life and found family and fun but also considers life for gay people in the 1970s and things that they didn’t often get to experience (loudly, at least). It tugged at my heart this one. For the “sort by top kudos” “filter for fluff” fanfic reader. Not really my style.

- This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. This is the most beautiful book I’ve ever read. As Madeline Miller said, ‘this book has it all: treachery and love, lyricism and gritty action, existential crisis and space-opera scope, not to mention time travelling superagents.’ This story is truly gorgeous. Unbelievable. Not even words to describe how good this one in. Possibly my favourite read of all time.

- Afterlove by Tanya Byrne. This book made me cry! In…a good way? I’m not sure. But I enjoyed it. Set in modern day when MC dies and joins ‘a clan of fierce girl reapers who take the souls of the city’s dead to await their fate’ but can’t forget her first love who she’ll do anything to see again. This one just tugged at my heart a lot.

- Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. Epic fantasy. Dragons. Follows many characters in GoT style so it requires A LOT of focus. This isn’t a light read but it’s very good (and a prequel is coming out in 2023). IF YOU LIKE FANTASY AT ALL READ THIS ONE IMMEDIATELY.

- Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden. Okay this one will definitely not be the most well-written book you’ve ever read buuuuut there’s something VERY precious about it. It follows the relationship between two 17-year-old girls, Annie and Liza, in New York. As far as I know, when this book was published in 1982, it became the first YA novel ever to depict a main character’s same-sex relationship in a positive light. (In the 90s copies of this book were burned on the steps of a school in Kansas and there was a whole court case about it).

- Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth and Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Oh these are great. I was about 100 pages in to the first two before I could grasp what was going on but the story is intriguing, the characters are great, there’s good humour, and the world is fascinating. The first one, Gideon, is almost like Hunger Games meets Cluedo. I’d highly recommend these and I can’t wait until my gf reads them so I can talk to her about them.

- Everything Leads to You by Nina LaCour. This one is a nice, light read. MC is interning as a set designer so I found this aspect of it really interesting actually. Has some mystery, some gay love, so like why not read it.

- Matrix by Lauren Groff. ‘Born from a long line of female warriors and crusaders, and cast out from the royal court, Marie is sent to become the prioress of an abbey.’ This is a bit of a dreary, grey read (probably due to the setting and period, think Wuthering Heights), but there was something about it that fascinated me and kept drawing me back in.

- The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth. Lesbian rom-com set in modern Ireland. Very light, easy read (with some serious topics too).

- Not my Problem by Ciara Smyth. Again, a very light and easy read for the most part, with a touch on some heavier issues. Quite funny too!

- Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo. Set in 1950s America and tells the story of Lily Hu, a teenage daughter of Chinese immigrants as she begins to explore her sexuality. This time period was really interesting and the incorporation of Chinese culture into the story was something I hadn’t read before.

[littlerosetrove]

Well. I have some thoughts, which some of y’all may not like or agree with, and that’s fine. But please please if you’re going to “well actually” or “okay but” in the comments or reblogs then make your own post, okay? I need to vent on my corner here. You can do whatever you want in your own.

This got long, so my venting about Eddie's cheating storyline is under the cut.

Let me state: if you’re enjoying this cheating storyline for Eddie? Truly that is fine. I don’t think anyone who likes it is bad or anything. This is fiction after all. I, however, am not enjoying this fictional storyline, which is also fine. I just won’t engage with people who are on opposite ends with me for this story, and I’m asking the same in return. 

Also to be very clear: this is not me bashing or hating on Eddie. This is me very much disliking the storyline the writers have chosen for my favorite character. I fully understand Eddie is a flawed human being, but that doesn’t mean I have to like or enjoy every story they write for him. 

Now, has 911 done a cheating storyline? Yes, with the mains Hen, Michael, and Buck, and at least a couple times with random people on 911 calls. It may not be new, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. I didn’t enjoy Hen’s, Michael’s, or Buck’s cheating storyline, and I’m not enjoying Eddie’s either. I’ve rarely enjoyed cheating storylines in any media. It’s just not my thing. ALSO. Funny how every cheater in this show has been a queer main character. Eddie may not be canonically queer YET, but it’s obvious he’s going to be. So thanks, I hate it. 👍

No seriously. I DO think they’re eventually going to make Eddie queer. But then. Y’all. That will confirm Eddie as the FOURTH queer character to cheat. Like what the actual fuck. As a queer person, I do not care for this honestly gross trend. 

Clearly the writers and Tim wanted to do a story where Eddie romantically pursues a woman who looks like his dead wife, because Eddie has not moved on in 5 years, but more on that aspect later. Ok, fine. But why did they have to make it even more messy and complicated and unoriginal by having Eddie cheat? No seriously. No one cares about Marisol nor the nothing burger of a relationship between her and Eddie, because there’s nothing there! To either part! Hell Eddie keeps joking about breaking up with Marisol, so he definitely sees an end date to them (despite, I think, Ryan saying in an interview that Eddie cares for Marisol, and the word love was used, but? cool we’ve zero evidence of this in canon, so whatever). 

Why could the show have not had Eddie break up with Marisol nolastname first, and then quickly jump into dating a woman who looks like his dead wife? That way there’s no fucking cheating. Eddie is still grieving Shannon, sure I get that, but for his grief to drive him, knowingly, to be a cheater? For what purpose?????? Eddie is clearly unstable and acting irrationally, so frankly it’s enough to highlight this with, again, first breaking up with Marisol, and then immediately start dating Shannon’s doppelgänger. Boom. No need to cheat, and it’s still messy as hell. 

To quote @eddiegettingshot from their post here, when it comes to Marisol “it’s literally just flimsy writing she’s not even adding an emotional element except for by virtue of her existence.”

Let’s circle back to Shannon.

Look. I’ve never made it a secret that I don’t like Shannon. She’s not an unsympathetic character, and I know she’s flawed because she’s human. I Know. But I still don’t like her and never will. I’m also not a fan of this show keeping Eddie on a hamster wheel with the ghost of Shannon for FIVE seasons. I’m tired of Eddie’s stories constantly coming back to and revolving around Shannon. This is a TV show guys, not real life. I’m fully aware what grief can do to people, I have experience, but my gosh. Watching the story of Shannon dragged out for five seasons now is so. tiring. And yes, FINALLY, the show is addressing the Shannon of it all so Eddie can move the fuck on, but good gosh. It’s taken five seasons to get here. I really wish they’d taken the opportunity to do this story in season 6, but alas. 

Kinda repeating here, but fucking finally they’re working on Eddie moving past the ghost of Shannon, because Eddie’s been hiding who he is and what he wants behind her AND, to bring Chris into this, hiding behind him too. Using Chris as a shield to protect and deny himself from who he is and what he wants. We know a big reason Eddie dated and stuck with Ana was because “my kid loves her.” Eddie thinks he needs to give Chris another mother, for various reasons. Because of this he hasn’t been following his heart. Thus, Eddie has clung to the ghost of Shannon and their relationship because that is known (the nuclear family and the heteronormativity of it all, which I really don’t think Eddie actually wants, hence a fuck ton of denial and compartmentalizing), and the “unknown” is more terrifying to Eddie. Super understandable. But this is TV and I need Eddie to do something different and new. 

I don’t think they’ll go this far, but what in the world was Eddie planning to do? I mean I don’t think he’s even thinking far ahead at all, but what would happen if Eddie brought home this Shannon look-a-like to Christopher? That would be hella traumatizing to Chris, who is of course still struggling with the loss of his mom, and the mother he recognizes/understands left him.

A connected side not to all of this is, we still have zero knowledge of how Chris feels about Marisol. Sure the three of them went for ice cream, so we can interpret Chris is fine with her, but nothing more concrete or illuminating that. For once I’d love for Chris to actually get to say how he feels about things like this. SO we can only guess that Eddie, without talking to Chris, had moved Marisol in then back out of the house. We have no idea if Chris knew about Marisol moving in or not. Nothing. 

So we take these two huge things, Eddie possibly not talking to his son about having his girlfriend of maybe four months move in, and the potential (because again I don’t think they’ll go this far, but who the fuck knows now) of Eddie bringing a Shannon doppelgänger around Chris. I know grief is a hell of a thing - again, I have experience - but it all paints Eddie as a bad father (this season), and I don’t get why they’re taking it this far. Eddie is flawed, of course he is, and oh my god I know he’s only human, but come on. Why is the show painting Eddie being as, honestly, pretty damn selfish in this way? Again, we’ve zero knowledge of Chris’s feelings on Marisol, really, and now Eddie is cheating on Marisol nolastname by chasing after a woman who looks like his dead wife, and to what end????  (to be clear, I don't think Eddie is a bad father, it's just that the show is making him kind of look like one.)

All of this is going to blow up in Eddie’s face, and he’ll deserve it. 1) He’s cheating on his girlfriend with a woman who looks like his dead wife. I have no fucking clue how Marisol will react when the truth comes out, but my gosh if they have her easily forgive Eddie… I don’t care at all about Marisol, but if she has no backbone the way Ana never seemed to have one, then good grief. I’m white, but that will be two Latina characters just letting Eddie’s bullshit slide (to an extent). Idk, but that doesn’t feel right. 2) He’s going to hurt this “looks like his dead wife” woman because Eddie refuses to process his grief over Shannon. Thus adding a layer to Eddie’s selfishness. The show can have Eddie be selfish of course, but it does Not need to be in this way (i contain multitudes. i am ok with the doppelgänger weirdness on its own, but at the same time see that it's a very selfish thing eddie is doing). 3) Eddie is certainly lying to everyone, but he lied to Buck’s face. And remember how Buck felt so terrible about lying in any way to Eddie in 7x5? Yeah.... Yes Buck has experience with cheating on his girlfriend, but Eddie used Buck to lie. There's a difference. 4) Where the hell does Chris fit into all of this mess?? Christ, for both their sakes I hope Chris does not learn that his dad cheated on his girlfriend to date a woman that looks like his mom because, again, Eddie refuses to properly grieve and let go of Shannon. Chris already needs to go back to therapy anyway though, let’s be honest. 

However this mess of a storyline plays out, FFS, they better put Eddie back in therapy. Even without the cheating part, Eddie NEEDS to go back to therapy for so many valid reasons. He needs to talk about his guilt and grief when it comes to Shannon, his Catholic guilt (currently forgotten??), it hasn’t been brought up yet but his mommy issues, and he needs to learn about consent especially when it comes to sex. Like come on. Eddie has plenty of issues, so WHY was it necessary to throw in cheating? I’m so serious. They want him to continue to be messy? Fine, but pick a less uninspired path to add to the mess. 

*tired sigh*

Bottom line, I feel like the show is just continuing to disrespect Eddie and his character. In season 6 they handled his loneliness and then dating storyline, particularly the dating aspect, in a joking way. It wasn’t handled well in my opinion. Now in season 7 he’s cheating on Marisol who still has no character, and they’re in a no substance relationship that I don’t feel an ounce of investment in. A cheating storyline should resonate on some level, but it’s not here and it doesn’t resonate because we have two women no one cares about beyond the general feeling of “it sucks to be cheated on” and “it sucks to be lied to.” Congrats on the shitty writing.  They want to (fucking finally) work on Eddie actually confronting his grief about Shannon after five years of being on a hamster wheel? Great. But do it with more care. Not this. And remember how they introduced and treated Eddie’s apparent Catholic guilt as a joke? Yeah there’s that too. 

Eddie has complicated trauma and I really don’t like that it’s being treated as a mix of a joke (catholic guilt) and just disrespectfully (cheating). Eddie dating a Shannon doppelgänger is already messy on its own - and honestly I would have been fine with that because Eddie is a walking trauma, guilt ridden, repression bomb waiting to go off - so we did not need to add cheating to the mix. While I’m on board with Eddie being hella messy and delusional to date someone who looks like his dead wife, but the cheating never needed to be here. 

After all this mess blows up in Eddie’s face? Ya’ll. Eddie needs to go to therapy and it’s not a bad or wrong thing to point out that he needs to be single for a little while. Hello????? Just look at the mess Eddie is right now.  

*another tired sigh* I think I covered everything I wanted to say....

[equallyshaw]

𝔟𝔯𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔩. - 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔫𝔫 𝔥𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔢𝔰.

inspired by miss o rodrigos: brutal.

part of the "sour" imagine series.

Sour Masterlist:

Part two: all i want.

warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide indirectly (not named), mental health issues and angst.

word count: 3.5k

slight time jumps, 2018-2020-2022.

—

I'm so insecure, I think

That I'll die before I drink

And I'm so caught up in the news

Of who likes me and who hates you

And I'm so tired that I might

Quit my job, start a new life

And they'd all be so disappointed

'Cause who am I, if not exploited?

—

we broke up right after my 18th, because somebody was scared about what my supposed 'celebrity' status would do to his career. we broke up two weeks before i was awarded the gold medal for figure skating, at the 2018 olympics. he broke up with me because, he could not deal with the attention i got. attention, you say?

as much as i love this life, i hate what comes with it. i was barely 17, when the media turned me into a sexual icon for skating, or was a scapegoat because i came in 2nd at worlds and said that team usa did not have a chance at gold. they were wrong ofcourse, but you don't think i hated it too? i hated people on social media, following our every move. following yours, and sending me pictures + videos of you at parties with girls at your disposal and all up on you. that team usa's golden couple, were not as perfect as people made them out to be? because of my position i am terrified of what people will say, and what my coaches, teammates and managers think. always trying to please people, be the perfect starlit that i needed to be to win.

right before the olympics, and right after you broke up with me, i broke down. and some people will call me a baby because a lot of it was over you but was also, because of the amount of hate i had gotten. the amount of accusations of cheating, and apparently i was 'caught' drinking at a party which made team usa upset or that i went after a team usa hockey player that was not quinn. all untrue, ofcourse. i remember so clearly, thinking about dropping out because my mental health and anxiety were at a all time low and nobody did anything to supress the rumors, you even played along with it liking comments about me being in the wrong. i remember wanting to pull out, and doing a big fuck you to team usa and you, quinn. i wanted to be petty and disappear from the world. completley. it had gotten that bad. my coach shannon though, was one of the first to notice. she noticed how i didn't participate in anything other than what was required of me, and was one of the only people who tried to intervene on my behalf to no luck. team usa, pathetically, only and truly cared about hockey. skating, they could of gave two shits.

but then again, if i quit that would feed into there power. people would reval at the thought of tearing me down and 'winning' because i quit. i didn't want to give them that satisfaction but i didn't want to deal with it. also, the skating world and team usa needed somebody to not only be there scapegoat but somebody they could use to there advantage, not my personal. all they cared about was using me and then dumping me. so quickly, after taking a week off to personally sort out treatment options, i went back out into the plymoth ice and worked my ass off. tweaking parts of my routine, to add extra points and showed off my 'hard' side. something we had never explored before i needed to be soft and pretty. but the comittee, wanted me to win and to overshadow the rumors of why i took that week off. they told me this was it, if i didnt pull off a gold medal.

and i think about to this day, what would of happened if i did pull out of the 2018 games. who would i be now? where would i be? would i be with who i am today?

—

Where's my fucking teenage dream?

If someone tells me one more time

"Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry

And I don't stick up for myself

I'm anxious and nothing can help

And I wish I'd done this before

And I wish people liked me more

—

ever since i had come to plymoth to continue my training at the age of 12 because the skating window was small, i hadn't lived a normal life. even more so, my parents had me homeschooled instead of going to public school with the rest of team usa. they believed that i would achieve more and quicker, if i spent more time in there. i had no friends. my coach shannon being my best friend and closest confidant, made me closed off. i mean i spoke to my teammates but becuase they were older, it was difficult to make that bond but i loved them nevertheless. and that's when you came into the picture. skating me off my feet, at the age of 15. literally. somebody decided to skate backwards during a open skate and bumped into me without realizing. i remember rolling my eyes, getting up and skating off the ice to disappear to the second rink. away from everybody.

you were so curious about me, asking anybody you could to find info about me. again, i didnt really have any friends so you relied on the trainers and coaches to coax information about me. i wish people my age, liked me more. it was so lonely, skating everyday and then going home to do school and then go back to the rink to do some off ice training. people thought i was weird becuase of it, even some of your teammates. it wasn't normal, and then you and some of the others our age, pulled me into a small knit group. where i thought for once, i was normal.

and then the rumors began, and nobody stood up for me. this was before we even started dating. i didn't stick up for myself because i wasnt given the oppurtunity or clearence to do so. i was scared to even walk by a camera when i had to. i tried to hide, and make myself small so i wouldn't be seen. nothing would help, though. and then once we broke up, i finally set the record straight in a instagram post after i won gold.

"to all the doubters, naysayers and drama fanatics- this is for you. i have worked my ass of since i was 12 to get here, through all the upsets, injuries, and extreme isolation as a kid, i have won. i won gold, baby. take that."

—

All I did was try my best

This the kind of thanks I get?

Unrelentlessly upset

They say these are the golden years

But I wish I could disappear

—

and then i wasnt seen until 2020, when the pandemic hit and my training was halted. i was seen on my way out of the training facility in plymouth. my manager said to the media, that my time was not over. that i still had a huge shot of making the 2022 team, despite this set back. i hated having the 'spotlight' back on me. i hated people watching my move again, fearing i would misstep and be looked down upon.

people still felt like i owed them something. people believed that despite me winning gold, i should of cleaner, sharper then what i did on that ice. i remember a rumor swirling around about how you had liked another instagram comment, about my routine and how i was apparently sloppy. does that make you feel good? does it make you upset, that i went to the olympics and you didnt? are you jealous?

god, i could never win with you. after everything, you still want to bring up old shit? shit that neither of us, had ever commented on? after seeing that swirl around on twitter, i shut the world out once again. my amazing boyfriend who was on the 2018 hockey olympic team wanted to reach out on my behalf but i kept telling him no. that you didn't deserve the time of day or energy spent. that he seriously didn't need to drive ten minutes down the road, to make a point. my skating would take care of that.

and then my mom was terrified during quarintine that i wouldn't be able to get a second gold because of not being on the ice. saying that even though i was in my prime, and my golden years, i might not be good enough because of this set back. so as soon as the rink reopened, i spent hours upon hours going over the basics and then moved my way onto the harder stuff that i had never attempted before. but i had moments where i felt like, i wasnt enough. that two of the closest people to me at one time, felt like i wasnt good enough. and i hate that you still have some power over me. that your opinion matters, because it did at one point.

—

I feel like no one wants me

And I hate the way I'm perceived

I only have two real friends

And lately, I'm a nervous wreck

'Cause I love people I don't like

—

even days before leading up the 2022 olympics, i still felt like i was not enough. and even though my boyfriend, from across the sea kept trying to keep my spirits up i was still sad and very lonely. a lot of people think that the olmypics are fun, and that is true, but it's also isolating. im also not the most outgoing or boisterous person to be around, so it made things difficult. yeah, i had friends from other countries that i got to hang with but i also just wanted my boyfriend. besides, shannon my coach- he was my best friend. i wish he was here again, but he was living out his dream in the nhl. now newly, apart of the seattle kraken. (a/n an hour plan ride from vancouver....) he couldn't be here. and then he went to post a picture of us two, and for the first time since we got together in 2019, we were finally public with the world. it was a shock to say the least. i enjoyed five minutes of blissfullness, before all the rumors and comments started to come in. and i know you saw that picture, and grew uncomfortable. im glad it did, because i know you cared more about me than you ever said.

and the days leading up to my final event, i freaked. i was a nervous wreck, thinking i sucked and that i would choke. and people were reaching out, thinking they were calming my nerves but no, it made it worst. and then you sent me a dm on insagram, thinking my number had changed. it was a simple, "go usa! cheering you on from vancouver." and im not gonna sit here and say i didnt appreciate it or love it, i had a tendancy to love people i didn't like becasue im a doormat. i allow people to walk all over me, and then just shut myself out from the world. it's what i do. it's what you do.

—

All I did was try my best

This the kind of thanks I get?

Unrelentlessly upset

—

i didn't win. i did not win the gold, i set out to get. maybe outing our relationship jinxed me? maybe the comments got to me and gave the other skater an edge? no, i couldn't blame it on him. he had done everything right, i just didn't win gold on my own accord. and now people are coming after me saying that i shouldn't have even gone to the olympics. i shouldn't have had the oppurunity to represent usa all these years. after everything i've done for the sport and country, this is how you repay me? so me, winning gold in 2018 doesn't matter? im only being reduced to my 2022, performance? a silver medal? like yeah, i wanted to win gold, but silver i think is still pretty good.

you did too. you messaged me right after the podium saying how phenomominal i was and how much you were rooting for me. even joking that you got some of the canucks team too, despite not being from there home country. and that you were there if i needed somebody to talk to, as friends ofcourse. i thanked you, but didn't go any further. god forbid that got out, and rumors ran wild.

my boyfriend welcomed me with open arms, as i touched down in seattle. i wanted to go there first, before going home to plymouth and seeing my extended friends and family. he was so sweet, and proud. he wanted to show me off every chance he got, which i liked but dreaded at the same time. i knew after the olympics were over, it would take a lot of convinving to get me to be in the public eye again. i hadn't even thought about the next four years and what it might entail. if i wanted to do another olympic run and to finish my career off with another gold.

and then he wanted me to go to the seattle vs vancouver game at home ice, the second week i was with him. i had ofcourse, laid low and kept pushing off the detroit parade/rally of me and another winter athelete's welcome home event like last time. my boyfriend kept saying that the kraken wanted to honor me, since i was thinking about extending my trip and potentially moving here. i mean, him and i had been dating for almost three years. the next logical step was to move in with him, but i wasn't sure i wanted that just yet. i wasn't sure if it was him, i wanted to do it with.

then the night rolled around, and i was being honored with my lovely silver medal. i took a deep breath and stood near the ice, shaking with nerves. i hated these things, again- explortation got old real quick. i walked out, waving my arms in the air and plastered my gold and fake winning smile to the sold out crowd. i could feel the thump of my heart beat in my ears, as i posed for the obvious picture with the captains. as i was walking back to exit the ice, my boyfriend stopped me trying to give me a full on kiss. and i freaked, turning my cheek in time to have him give me a kiss on the cheek. he knew i hated pda, and to do it on this stage- was so very uncalled for. i hated things like this. but then matty beniers who i knew back in plymoth skated up and saved the day. he greeted me with a huge smile, and we hugged. and then will borgen who was also at the 2018 olympics team, skated up as well and hugged me. they marveled at my silver, and congratulated me once again. i then tunred back towards my boyfriend and i gave him a small, flushed smile and turned back to the camera one last time. waving, before walking back off the ice. the seattle kraken gave me one last boisterous cheer, and i turned towards them blushing like a fool. and it was impossible to miss your gaze, from afar. i turned away quickly, and headed off.

later that evening, everything blew up. after a dissapointing loss again the canucks he broke up with me. my boyfriend of three years and friend of four, broke up with me. why? i never got a direct answer. and that night, i got on a red eye back to michigan. again, shutting out the world. i pushed off the parade/rally once again, apologizing to my fellow usa athlete stating that i was going through something personal. once again. they understood, and appreciated the extra time to spend with friends and family.

i was walking through the local coffee shop, and saw the one person i hadn't seen in person for a few years. mrs. hughes. the person that quite honestly, acted more like my mom then my own. she cared more about what i felt, thought and did outside of the rink. whilst, my mom cared more about my accolades and what i needed to work on or fix. the hughes at one point, was my chosen family when we were dating. always there to hang out, advice and a needed laugh. i ordered, and walked over towards and empty table pulling out my laptop to go over some school that needed to be done. being a senior at university of michigan was going to be over soon, and i couldnt be happier. but that didnt last long, when i felt ellen tap my shoulder. i turned in my seat, freaking out before a soft smile appeared on my face. she saw my under eyes that were now chronic from the lack of sleep, she saw the exhaustion plagueing my eyes, the messy hair from not bothering to tame my natural curly hair. she saw i was falling apart, and that everything was becoming to much. it was brutal out here.

she sat with me, and we spoke for three hours. going over the break up between quinn and i, why i left skating for a week, after the 2018 olympics, quinn's draft, me and ryan's relationship, getting back into the public eye, this olympic run, the breakup and now i was here. i was in the present. she gave me advice, comfort and motherly love that i ached for. she told me that quinn wouldn't stop bombarding the family groupchat about my every move at the olympics. he would stay up late to catch my skates or early. nearly missing a morning meeting, but it was worth it since i won silver. ellen told me that i won despite, the color of my medal. and that i should be proud no matter what. opposite of the words my mother chose. ellen said that i shouldn't rush another run, until i was for certain i was ready. i joked that i'd need a hughes by my side for that one and at this point i'd take any one of the three. she laughed, claiming that having some hughes drama might be good luck after all. i mean, i did win a gold medal after what quinn put me through.

she told me that when i was ready, i might reach out to quinn again. as a friend, ofcourse. what did i have to lose? she didn't say it to get us back together, but to mend that brutal breakup between us. that quinn stubbornly, never moved on because he still held out hope for the two of us. i nodded, claiming that i might reach out to him soon.

—

Got a broken ego, broken heart

And God, I don't even know where to start

—

i reached out to you via text after confirming it with your mom, that it was still the same number. after some back and fourth on our break up, i finally was able to make peace with it. i was able to make peace with you, after all these years. and then we got onto face time, and i saw that stupid face of yours. one that brought me back to the good times. and then you asked me about my relationship with ryan and i sat there for a few seconds debating on telling you. but ellen would tell him, if i didn't. i told him that ryan broke up with me after the game, never giving me a clear reason. and now i had to put together a make shift reasoning and mend my broken heart. i didn't know where to start though. i saw that it made you uncomfortable, and i understood why. even though we had broken up, you still had a huge love for me. you still cared about me, and with the rumors throughout the years, you still kept up with me. hanigng onto any sliver of information on me when i kept my profile low. always hoping to see me in michigan when you came home, always hoping that luke would run into me at practice and say something. we did, but it never went past the how are you's and good luck's. you still loved me, in the most stubborn way. and then you suggested sarcastically, that i take a trip out to vancouver once, i had the parade/rally. i caught your eye and smiled. "i mean, what's stopping me?" i innocently asked. you took that sliver of information and ran with it. arranging everything, and coordinating his schedule to accomidate my flight in. in the back of my mind, i discarded the return home flight. knowing full well, that by the time it rolls around- i wouldnt be needing it.

i would be flying in with a broken heart and wouldn't leave simply because, i wouldn't want to. knowing, just knowing that you'd be back in my life in more ways than one. Until you know, you become a traitor once again.

—

i hope you all enjoyed!!! there will be a follow up imagine for this becuase, why not? i can't not now, im too invested in this relationship. please reblog and like!

Tags: @jayda12 @dazeddobson

[ltwharfy]

"Bob's Burgers" Season 8 Episode Ranking Rewatch (Long Post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post! If you want to check out any of the other seasons, I've been using the "bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch" tag for all of them.

Now, on to Season 8 (over halfway done with the rewatch!):

Average (Mean) Score: 4.45

Mode (Most Common) Ranking: 4

Ranking Breakdown: 9 5s 11 4s

Season as a whole thoughts:

This is the first season to have 4 as the mode ranking. And it's kind of interesting, because it actually has a higher mean score than two seasons (2 and 3) that had 5 as the mode. And it's so close to Seasons 3 and 6- literally separated by .02 from each of them in mean score! It kind of goes to my main thought about "Bob's Burgers"- it was really consistently good for a long time.

And I emphasize this because, after going on about how much I loved Season 7 in that post, I don't want anyone to think I'm saying the show went off a cliff after that! This is actually only one of two seasons (4 being the other) that I've rated so far that I didn't give anything lower than a 4. Which means I really enjoy all the episodes- but maybe there are fewer that I would call favorites or say that I love.

There were two episodes that I gave 3s when I caught them on TV a few months ago but decided to rewatch before completing this season's sheet and ended up moving them up to 4s. I'll discuss those in the individual episode comments. (And if I'm torn on which rating to give, I always err on the side of giving the higher rating. Given that these are all episodes I've seen multiple times before, that familiarity might dull the impact of some of the jokes or plot twists.)

Some thoughts on specific episodes (and feel free to ask if you want my thoughts on an episode I didn't comment on):

"The Silence of the Louise": As I've mentioned before with regards to Rudy and Louise and to Gene and Courtney, I enjoy when characters and their relationships evolve over time. So, I love this episode for moving Millie and Louise's relationship to a different place. I didn't particularly enjoy Millie in "Fort Night", but she is really a fun character and Molly Shannon does a great job with her voice- I'm glad that they came up with ways for Millie and Louise's relationship to evolve, and that she didn't just remain a one-note nut. And, honestly, their relationship- that one-sided obsession (with undertones of a crush) that the other finds offputting is a very real childhood relationship dynamic that I haven't seen portrayed in media that often, and I like that the show addresses it.

"Sit Me Baby One More Time": Mr. Boom Boom. Tinkle-dinks and Tinkle-dinkers. "And that's how you pee in a restaurant". If this episode doesn't crack me up, it's a sign that I'm dead. Beyond the jokes, I love Tina's realization at the end- that she was actually kind of mean to Tammy. Tammy is probably my favorite antagonist character on the show because she and Tina have a lot of similarities- they are both insecure teenagers at heart, they just handle it differently. Usually, Tina's more insecure and Tammy's overly confident to the point of obnoxiousness- but the roles are capable of switching occasionally, and that's interesting.

"Thanks-hoarding": My favorite Teddy episode. This is right up there with "The Amazing Rudy" in terms of just really speaking to me as a child of divorce (I don't think it's ever indicated that Teddy's parents divorced, but they certainly had a difficult marriage.) One day, maybe I'll write an essay comparing Teddy's story of having to be "the peacemaker" at Thanksgiving to Rudy doing his magic tricks to reduce the tension in the dinners with his parents. Just the notion of these kids feeling like they need to take on these responsibilities (that they shouldn't have to) because of their parents' damaged relationships really resonates with me and its nice to see it addressed on TV.

"V for Valentine-detta": How did the show manage to go over seven seasons without freaking Nat Kinkle?!? I was thinking about including some of my favorite Nat lines from this episode, but I'll just say all of them because its easier.

"Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien": This episode would get a 5 solely for introducing the phrase "Abraca-books!" to my vocabulary (I mean, I never say it, but I would in the appropriate situation.) Also from the library subplot, I really do want to start using Mort's line "I like three of the four levels it works on"- with no further elaboration- as a response to all sorts of things. Oh and the ga-ga plot is great too! Gene's speech about "everybody" liking something is great, we get some good Branca moments, and we get to see another side of Rudy- I mean, the Rudester- which I absolutely love. Sometimes I think fans just see Rudy too much as the sweet innocent bean because of his asthma and his family problems- but he's just a regular (sized) nine-year old, and it's fun to watch his success at the new popular game go to his head.

"Sleeping with the Frenemy": One of the series' funniest episodes, in my opinion. When Babs' sent me an ask for some of my favorite quotes from the series and I found the task of looking at all the characters and all the episodes too daunting, I provided a list of favorite Louise quotes from this episode. And it's not even a Louise centric episode! Also, Brett the BFOT is probably my favorite Tina's one-off love interests. Honestly, the bit where Tina (as Tammy) and Brett are sending each other weird/silly/dumb texts all night? That's one of my relationship goals right there. Just having someone who can play off your silly texts is one of the most wonderful things in the world, I think.

"Cheer Up, Sleepy Gene": One of the two episodes that moved from a 3 to a 4. I think I gave it a 3 initially because sometimes Alex and Gene's relationship bothers me just because it seems like it developed less naturally than some of the other ones I like. Like, Alex is very clearly introduced as "Hey, it's Gene's new friend!" and then when he's brought back it's as Gene's best friend. And almost all the episodes he is in focus on his and Gene's relationship- he doesn't just hang out occasionally like Rudy or the Pesto Twins or Tina's friends. But ya know what, all that said, I still like him and his dynamic with Gene! And this is a pretty fun episode. And I love the snoring subplot which gives two wonderful Linda moments- her "Aw, we're dying" after Louise's theory about their snoring, and her "The Americans" reference to being "a Russian agent, like Felicity".

"Boywatch": The other 3 that got moved up to a 4. I think my initial rating was because I didn't really care about Tina's relationship with all those one-off characters in the JGs. But, despite that, upon further review it is a pretty funny episode- I mean, it has both Gus ("Tina Belcher isn't a quitter." "But maybe she should be?") and Sgt. Bosco ("Um, it says Police on the back of your shirt.") - how can it not be funny?!

"As I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of Ramps": I'm so glad they told a story that addressed Louise still riding a tricycle as a 4th grader- I just remember that aspect of her character really puzzling me as soon as it was introduced. I never really questioned the ears (Hats are cool. Nuff said.) but Louise riding a tricycle as a nine year old seemed really weird. So, it was cool that they turned it into a story about her facing fear and insecurity- and then having her learn to ride a bike at the end, and keeping that change going forward. A great way to show her growing up in a way that really wouldn't effect future episodes that much (unlike, say, if she stopped wearing the ears.) Also, if you read my fics you know I love callbacks and I can't believe I haven't worked a reference to "I threw you a benefit" into one of my Roudise fics! I love the way she says that line.

"Mission Impos-slug-ble": I love the introduction of Burobu so much! Honestly, the names of the slugs are just a hoot- Sluggy Stardust! Slugsaphone! Other highlights: Frond dancing to groove is in the heart! Getting to see some of the Wagstaff staff's marTuesdays! "Yeah, they'll get constipated" "No"! "Did John Lithgow play John Larroquette in a movie once or was that just a dream?"! Louise randomly holding Rudy's hand when they are hiding in the teacher's lounge! (Er, sorry for the shippiness.) Also, this episode really made me realize how completely I can disassociate home/restaurant-set B plots from school-related A plots; I am genuinely surprised every time that it turns out that the B plot of this episode is Bob's Harry Pickle eulogy.

Random thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-It's really funny that we get back to back episodes ("Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien" and "The Secret Ceramic Room of Secrets") with flashbacks to Frond's time as a student at Wagstaff. Are those the only young Frond flashbacks we get in the whole series? Why were they so interested in it at that point of time? Were they trying to sell a "Young Frond" spinoff that didn't get picked up?!? (Probably not.)

-I like three of the four levels this season works on.

See you in Season 9, whoever is reading these!

[fereldanwench]

so i finished my lost rewatch last week, but i have this problem in which i often cant just let a show end and i have to immediately restart it, which means I'm watching s1 again lmao

s1 i think will always have comfort show status in the spirit of the x files or roswell--i had the box set in college, and i pretty much always had it on when i was chilling in my bedroom. plus the star wars RPG i was really involved with at the time also had a lot of lost fans (soooo many face claims were actors from the show), which added to a fandom coziness

anyway, i just really like having it on in the background

but this also means i have Thoughts of varying import and controversy so under the cut it is

there have been a lot of jokes over the years about how oceanic flight 815 had a ridiculous amount of hot people on it, which is true, but i feel like shannon and boone are like a time capsule of early aughts hotness which i find kind of fascinating. shannon especially--tall, skinny, blonde, tan, square face--she is like the epitome of what was supposed to be hot for young women in 2004. which, uh, as a curvy brunette teen i thoroughly resented and probably contributed to some of my disdain for the character at the time lmao

still not really a huge fan of her character, though, even with that envy and contempt long behind me. and i will never understand what sayid sees in her--sayid has always been a fave, and i liked the scenes with him and shannon bc he's such a romantic and i love that about him, but i just have a hard time believing he'd be attracted to her personality-wise

i actually noticed there seems to be a little bit of chemistry between him and kate early on, which, yanno, she's obviously got her hands full with jack and sawyer, but i was like hmmm, that could be an interesting dynamic to explore. I'm not invested enough to read lost fanfic but if i was, that'd probably pull me in

i've also found myself liking claire a lot more now, although i will always find emilie de ravin's voice SO grating. and it's not the accent--her (bad) American accent in roswell didn't help either. she just sounds like she's always 3 seconds away from sobbing and i just wanna tell her to take a deep breath

i was always on the fence about charlie, and while there are things about his character i find sympathetic (namely his struggle with addiction), I've decided i don't like him lmao I've teared up quite a bit during my rewatch, and i remember crying when he died in s3 when it aired, but it did nothing for me this time around

you know what does make me tear up every single time despite knowing it's doomed (or maybe bc i know it's doomed)? the scene when they get michael's raft into the water in s1. hits me every time

i watched a video recently that showed the top googled shows over the past 2 decades or so, and while i was never super involved in the lost fandom, it did occur to me when i saw it listed as the number one show for a while that i think lost was probably the last major fandom to enjoy a pre-social media community. i mean it was like right on the cusp of web 1.0 and 2.0: a lot of the social media juggernauts like facebook and twitter would launch while it was on air, but i think most of the community still existed on personal sites and forums

[loveyouanyway]

Hi Naomi 💕💕💕

Merry Christmas if you celebrate! :)

I’ve seen these games before and I thought you might enjoy them so sending you these!

here’s an AU idea and a fic title, tell me five things that would happen in each story

AU idea: Olympics AU

Fic title idea: if you told me that we were through, know that I would break the truce

hiii 🪐 💖

thanks! merry christmas & happy holidays to you too <3 sending festive love to anyone reading this!

ahh thank you so much for the ask. i don't think you understand how much i appreciate it! the possibilities are endless, i love this

as a former competitive gymnast (im talking about competing locally when i was younger for 5 years, not anything big but it was an important part of my life!) i need a gymnastics buddie au. i love other sport aus but a gymnastics au would mean so much to me.

anyway enough rambling

backstory kinda? in the upcoming olympics, eddie represents the us and buck represents the uk (since oliver's british. eddie is in love with the accent btw) and they have this lighthearted rivalry on social media as for the title part, im thinking they get together privately but eddie breaks it off because he's sadly battling with internalized homophobia and believes buck deserves someone who's out. but obviously buck's like no <3 we're staying together. or something?? idk if it really fits the lyrics but yeah. also i listened to the song! :) it would ofc have chris (im not sure what the deal with shannon would be tho) and he would tease eddie so much about his crush on buck. the fic would include lots of buckley diaz family fluff <3 oh i want the diazes to have a pet rabbit (i have one too! i got him in january. his name is bernie lol and he's the best) and buck is the bunny's favourite. buck would also share lots of cool rabbit facts! hmm what else? this is very vague but maddie and eddie bestieism.

saturn, i told myself i wasn't gonna write a gymnastics buddie fic when i posted this but ahh idk now. tysm for the ask again. i hope i did this idea justice asdjfksjd

[in-arlathan]

Get To Know Me

Who dis? It's me! Been a hot minute, hasn't it? This year has been a pile of dung up until now, if I'm being completely honest, hence my absence from Tumblr and most social media. I had an accident in December and have been feeling like dirt ever since. But: I'm back now! Mostly thanks to my beloved @johaerys-writes and the amazing @mogwaei who tagged me for this game. Thanks to you two! ❤ It's been a please reading your posts.

And now: Let's dive in!

Share your wallpaper: I'm a very boring person who has her own artwork as a wallpaper on her phone (talking about this study I did last year). XD It reminds me that (every once in a while) I do create something that I actually enjoy without any self-doubt or regret, and I like that.

Last song you listened to: "Eyes Closed" by Ed Sheeran. I'm a very basic person, lol.

Currently reading: Let me check Goodreads real quick... Yeah, I'm reading far too many books at the same time again. So here's the top 3 of books I'm reading and enjoying the most atm:

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

There's also a bunch of fanfic I need to catch up on but my mind has been all over the place.

Last move: "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves". My P&P podcast party had been invited to a preview 2 weeks ago and we had a fun time watching that movie.

Craving: Time off. I've been working non-stop for the past 8 months or so (with Christmas being the only exception) and I'm feeling super drained right now. Luckily, there are a few short trips coming up in April and July, so there is that!

What are you wearing right now: Basic black jeans and a white knitted sweater. It's spring but it's still flipping cold in my apartment. Ooph!

How tall are you: 168 cm or 5'5 feet (I guess?)

Piercings: Just the two for my earrings. As I said, I'm *very* basic. :')

Tattoos: Currently I got two but I plan on getting more later this year. Gotta save up some money first.

Glasses? Contacts? I got 3 different glasses (transparent, gold and brown frames) and contacts because I like to switch things up.

Last drink: I'm currently having some coffee with oat milk aka The breakfast of Champions. Or so I keep telling myself XD

Last thing you ate: Chicken wrap with lots of cheese. It was amazing.

Favorite color: My taste in color(s) shifts constantly but I'm currently obsessed with green in various tones. I keep getting back to like a warmer green because it makes me feel very cozy. But I also adore a good color combo of orange and violet/lilac or yellow and dark blue. It depends on my mood.

Current obsession: Truth be told, because of the current state of my mental health, I have a hard time being obsessed about anything. It's not like I can't enjoy things (I know that that feels like and I don't want to get back to *those days*) but there's not hyperfixation that lives rent-free in my head. And you know what? It feels terrible! I miss the feeling of being utterly obsessed about something. I crave that level of excitement, honestly!

Unrelated Obsession: Okay, I guess this means non-fandom obsessions. I do have one of those! A short while back, I read a book by the title "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World" which was fascinating. I loved that it was not Euro-centric and instead focussed on the achievements of Genghis and his successors. I've been gobbling media with the same or similiar topics – including finally playing "Ghost of Tsushima" which send me reading up on the Mongol invasion of Japan. It's been an intriguing ride!

Any pets: I'm too allergic to have cats, dogs, and other animals and I hate it. I want a little doggo so badly... 💔

Do you have a crush on anyone: IRL? Not anymore. I used to have a crush for most of last year but since he started ghosting me a few months back, I decided to focus my attention elsewhere. I'm *done* with dating and have been for the past couple of years. As for fictional characters... I have to go with Solas, although (as I mentioned) my excitement has died down somewhat. I still love that boy to death but I'm not as obsessed as I used to be.

Favorite fictional character: How dare you make me chose one?! I have a trillion fave characters and they're all precious to me ;_; No, I will not pick one because I truly can't!

The last place you traveled: I went to Cologne, my hometown, three weeks ago, but I assume that doesn't count as traveling. I think my last real vacation was in 2019 when I travelled to the Leipzig Book Fair. Oh my... 😅 (And I was wondering why I felt so drained all the time, lol. Dang... what a reality check. This hurts!).

That's it! Hope you enjoyed the read :3

Time to forward some tags. As always, please feel free to join in or ignore the tag: @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @thebookworm0001 @ohmypawsandwhiskers @pikapeppa @oxygenforthewicked @fiadhaisteach @noire-pandora @ellie-effie. Sending all of you lots of love. I hope you're doing great!

Until next time, lovelies! <3

[pastelpinkmomoi]

Fav heart fragment characters in order ??

(T_T) I love them all in their own way but I shall answer anyway!! (Under the cut is a lot of indecisiveness and rambling don't say I didn't warn you)

1. It's a tie between Natalia and the man I put on my 15th birthday cake. Clive is the reason I got into Heart Fragment but I'm so head over heels with Natalia that I kind of drawn my artsona with her aaaAAAAA

Really excited for Book 3! Clive is forever in my heart but I wouldn't be surprised if Nat took his place <3

2. Coming in close is Shannon!!! In my opinion, her route is the best written in terms of exploring feelings so far plus I feel I relate to Shannon so deeply on a personal level about a lot of things. Shannon you are best girl ♪(^∇^*)

3. My favourite route to play so far is actually Lana's! Which I find surprising since romance is my go-to but there's just something about cherishing the validity of platonic and familial relationships. I'm so up for playing ACNH with Lana so she deserves this spot

4. And cutting it close is our protag Xani >:3 (all genders. Xani is Xani) Despite my pathetic lack of experience in VNs, I adore how customizable their personality is and how their choices affect the plot. I enjoy a set protagonist because when it comes to story-heavy media I'm not too eager to self-insert (•ө•)♡ (see above: mention of artsona x Natalia)

Also how can I forget that I literally bought fem!Xani's charm?? Her outfits are sooo cute ESPECIALLY that purple blouse!😭

5. I feel like Jasper and Kay should be higher up on this list but I simply have a preference for the others ^^" Nevertheless, Jasper is the route I'm most looking forward because I really enjoy his dynamic and interactions with the protag (the kidnapping in Shannon's route doesn't count. NO. SHOO).

Enemies to lovers(?) doesn't describe them enough. The trope doesn't do them justice. One has wanted to murder the other for TWO DECADES and the latter has been in the dark about it until now. The fact that Xani/MC and Jasper have a lot of things in common (dare I say more than MC and Clive) but they want to rip each other into pieces is making me jump up and down excitedly omg.

AND KAY. Kay I don't hate you but I just like the others more than you :( But I really really hope that we get to see him again in Book 3 because he deserves a happy ending just like everyone else.

Honourable mentions: the side cast

Mr Gray Green- Icon. Legend. He is the moment.

Shay- Love her. Ethereal being. Pls come back soon </3

Teryl Sterling- Future bestie-in-law I approve

Inigo- I think you guys don't appreciate his comedic integrity enough. He is THE man. Really kind of him to close the game for us if we ask him to :3

Marcus, Choi, Charlie and True - Amazing designs. Lemme see you all again :(

Dexter- COME BACK. PLEASE.

Dustin. He's a Heart Fragment character. Not my favourite. At all. Put him on the moon. Now. No minions to accompany him. Just. Put him on there.

This was a hull to get through but thank you for the ask 😭 I did need an excuse to ramble on about it!!! Never a bad day to gush about Heart Fragment!!

[crymeariveronceagain]

Okay, so, I missed the prompt for yesterday but I still want to do it. Sooo. Here we goo.

What Kotlc means to me

There's something kind of special about how I got here, in a really strange way. There's something special about it. Being 15 and trying to read every single book in the library. Picking up a book because I need somewhere else to go, someone else's life to live. Reading the entire series through Nightfall in 3 days.

I never looked back, to be honest? I had huge opinions and my cousin had read the books and another friend of mine has also read the books so I talked about it with them, and the Flashback came out and I read it and got so annoyed with Fitz and Alden. Like, literally. Part of my love and attachment to this series was born from my distinct hatred of specific characters.

And I'd never been one to write fanfic. My mom had thoroughly pounded it into my head that fanfic wasn't real writing, and that I should be doing more real things with my work. I guess, with kotlc? I decided that didn't matter?

Who cares if it's not real writing, I enjoy it deeply and I loved sharing it with other people? It brought so much joy to me when I was able to capture the voices of Keefe and Sophie in Walk Through Hell. I remember sitting there and thinking "This sounds like something Shannon would write".

And I remember recommending the books to everyone. My then-boyfriend took me up on reading it, and fell in love with it, too, and I think that was the only time he ever liked my writing, when I sent him the Google doc for Walk Through Hell.

I was a Pinterest fan for a long while, and Tumblr posts in the making lurk in the comments sections of the kotlc pins. I went on mini rants about how Keefe and Sophie and even Fitz, even though I changed my tune about him after a while of character analysis. But nobody really interacts on Pinterest. Comments get likes or maybe a comment back, but it's not a social media. It's just media. No social. Like YouTube.

So like, in a really dark part of my life, I started posting stuff to AO3. And it just opened up this world where I could write and discuss my thoughts through my writing? If I had something to say I could say it, even if it was writing a fanfic about it and posting it, qnd people would see it! People would comment, or leave kudos!! It was insane.

And, eventually, I joined Tumblr.

You would not believe how freaked out I was the first time @hunkyhair-my-beloved interacted with one of my posts. Like. Holy crap. You guys don't understand how much of my Pinterest collection of kotlc stuff was their incorrect quotes. Like, not even kidding. I literally felt like I was interacting with a celebrity.

So, I guess.

Kotlc is writing stories. Kotlc is getting mad at characters and writing a 6k dissertation on why they're awful, or a 10k thesis about why they're misunderstood. Kotlc is reading the tags of the people who reblog stuff from me. Kotlc is rolling my eyes at @fintan-pyren. Kotlc is giggling at incorrect quotes and crying when I think about songs that fit Keefe's character. Kotlc is sharing my stupid media analysis with people who actually love hearing it, and enjoy my nonsense enough to stick around and come back for more.

Like, I look back on it now and I'm like, ah, yes. I coped with my spiraling life by writing about Linh Song in a similar situation to me. I wrote about Sophie to understand myself. I wrote about Keefe to get inside my own head and understand the pieces of my own broken heart. Yada yada yada.

At the time, I wasn't thinking about any of that. I was just doing something fun.

Kotlc for me is being up at 1 in the morning writing so that I finish the next chapter. It's grinning at AO3 comments and laughing with you crazies. Kotlc is just.... Fun. Kotlc is so much fun.

As much as I can get worked up over the ways I think canon is lacking, stars.

Kotlc means a whole lot to me.

[bookwyrminspiration]

wait. do you know how everyone is getting the stellarlune preview? cause Idk where in the world they found it???

wait where did the preview drop?? (from a different anon in another ask)

_________________

Here's the link to the first three chapters of Stellarlune!

Honestly my same reaction when I first heard about it. It was first introduced in this post, but I'm betting that's gotten pretty buried in the kotlc tag given all the excitement.

From my understanding, the preview was given out (meaning people could scan a QR Code and get access to the PDF) at the San Diego Comic Con, which Shannon was at yesterday (the 24th). She had two events there and some signings according to her instagram, but there was no mention of the preview on her social media. That may change soon, but I think it was intended to be a "hey you came to my events here's a special treat!" kinda thing, which was then shared around.

So that's where everyone's been getting it! Hopefully that helps and I hope you enjoy the three chapters! I've already shared some of my thoughts on it, so if you saw that hopefully you didn't get too spoiled or don't mind spoilers!!