#The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

[basil-touche]

I've been randomly flicking through parts of The Pirates! Book series today (for my brain is still obsessing over this years dead series) and I've come across the little bonus part in The Pirates! With an Adventure With Whaling (or Ahab or Moby Dick as this one has three different titles for some reason?)

After the part about dealing with debt, whale conservation and Nantucket there's one final gag about all the other books in the series, only one of which is real, their Adventure With Scientists, while the other 184 titles never exsited (yes I counted them all). There's one or two that would become other books in the series, intentionally or unintentionally I have no idea, such as The Pirates! In An Adventure With the Political Supremacy of the Bourgeoisie (The Pirates! In An Adventure With Communists). I think I've seen some used for fanfic titles before, I might use some in the future myself (still working on it :)!)

Here's a couple of my favourites:

The Pirates! In An Adventure With A Very Windy Day

The Pirates! In An Adventure With An Ant

The Pirates! In An Adventure With Lingerie

The Pirates! Commit A Series Of Horrific Atrocities

The Pirates Are Killing Music

The Pirates Justify Themselves

The Pirates' Rainy Day Indoors

The Pirates! Have Been Running With Scissors Again

The Pirates! Are Overdoing It A Bit

[girlzoot]

Halfway through the monologue the accordion broke, but fortunately the pirate with asthma was on hand to step up and do ‘human accordion’, which was a bit like human beatbox, but with more emphasis on wheezing. —Gideon Defoe/The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

[popculturebuffet]

Pirate Month III: The Pirates! In an Adventure With Whaling! (Comission by WeirdKev27)

Ahoy all you happy people and welcome back to Pirate Month! As we wind it down, it's time once again for our yearly look at Gideon Defoe's pirates series. We started with Aardman's fantastic adaptation of his work, went on to the first book and now where we are at The Pirates! An Adventure with Whaling... or Ahab if your in the US like me... or Moby Dick for the reprint for the 2012 uk reprint.

For those just joining in pirates is a series of comedy novels by british author Gideon Dafoe. The first book, and parts of this one and possibly others but we'll get to that, was adapted into a movie by Aardman Animation. I'd seen that film but now kev has me reading the books as he's a fan too.

Last year I read the pirates first adventure, adventure with scientests where our heroes casued a lot of black comedy deaths, halfheartedly helped Charles Darwin on his adventures, wore dinosaur masks, picked up a new crew member in Jennifer, met a humanpanzie and other nonsense i've likely forgot. I also found out the film was a great adaptation as while it didn't follow the book to the letter it captured the spirit of these books fantastically.

I did have one worrying question in the back of my mind going into the second one: Would the books keep up the momentum or lapse into the formula of "the crew meets and teams up with a historical figure, wackiness ensues" i'm delighted that while that's technically true, Adventures With Whaling ups the ante, tightens the plot and is still gut busting all the while. It's a nice evolution of the series that makes me excited to keep sailing with the other three books eventually. To see what I mean join me under the cut for whale puppetry, mobs of cowboys in las vegas, and severe crippling debt.

So to start us off Adventures with Whaling has a tighter plot. Like Scientists, the plot is largely a loose frame to work jokes in but unlike Scientests, where the pirates really barely cared about Charles Darwin's plight and only needed his money, here the stakes are a lot more personal and are the reason for all the wacky nonsense we know and love.

This time Pirate Captain makes a mistake i'm sure many has and overspends. With the pirate's unamed boat falling to bits their fearless leader Pirate Captain takes the crew to Nantucket, insert your own dirty limerick here, intending to get the boat fixed by Cutlass Liz

Yup to my plesant suprise Cutlass Liz was also in the books, having a bigger role that likely could've come up , and still could come up, in any sequels. I'm seriously hoping now Aardman is on steady ground with netflix we get a sequel. And reading through the jackets of the future books it seems like the pirate of the year compettion is directly taken from Adventures with Napoleon. The Aardman Film simply took a bunch of neat bits and pieces and the basic characters and reconfigured them into it's own mostly original plot about charles darwin badly wanting to get laid. Not something i'm against mind as it worked well and like i've said it gets the spirit of the books down perfectly.

Here instead of just another rival pirate and the object of Pirate Captain's affections for one fantasy sequence, Cutlass Liz is an infamous pirate who runs a boat yard and enters the book killing a pirate who couldn't pay her while terrifying the crew. So naturally.. the Pirate Captain gets into massive debt with her due to a combination of trying to impress her and his oldest foe, Black Belamy.

Yes to my delight Black Belamy is back, having set off the previous book by setting our heroes on Charles Darwin. He's also not voiced by jeremy piven, another well worn plus. He has a bigger role this time out, not only setting off the plot AGAIN, but also coming back twice to bedevil our heroes. He's also one of the few things the film didn't do better as rather than just a broish bully he's the kind of bully who pretneds to be your friend while mocking you and is far more cunning. While he generally just meant to insult pirate captain here, his later two schemes show a nicely petty and manipulative streak.

To start he just mocks the boat Pirate Captain was going to buy and Pirate Captain's own ego does the rest, instead buying the biggest boat possible. Thankfully Bellamy leaves before he gives a bs excuse about his treasure he bragged about to impress Liz but still for some reason agrees to still buy it.

Liz is at least.. sorta forgiving and agrees to give him a few weeks to pay it off .. or else. SO our heroes with low suplies, less money and a threat to cut off the captain's luxioruus beard set off.

This elevates the book as rather than the adventures mostly being disconnected, with the very loose goal of we need money , we have a firmer goal: We need money or we're all gonna die horribly.

It's not the only connecting bit too as while Liz is the looming threat that sets the plot off, well that and Pirate Captains fragile ego but that's the kind of threat you can nevery truly beat, there's another figure we see throughout the first half. While the Pirate Captain is having some drinks he runs into Moby Dick's Captain Ahab. I haven't read moby dick but thankfully this book just really requires you to know he's a grim old man whose leg got bitten by a whale and he's been trying to murder it ever since. Ahab pops up once or twice before becoming the center of the last act. It's small stuff sure but it helps make the silly story feel all the more impactful by the end: tying together these loose bits into one uprorarus set piece

Before we get there we have some smaller set pieces: the pirate captain's old mentor mails him a treasure map... that turns out to be a child's smile.. which they try to grin and bear but throw into the ocean because what the fuck man. I mean.. it's not a bad lesson but come on.

Since that fails the next one and one that made the book jacket is VEGAS BABY. Which I was so excited for and it did not disapoint. It's filled with kitchy landmarks, gambling and naturally our heroes loosing what little money they had left gambling. For once it's not even pirate captain's fault as he warned the crew. He runs into Ahab again who was told the whale was in the casino. And now I just want a version of Ocean's eleven where Ahab is one of danny's crew. I mean.. we're getting Godzilla vs the Great Gatsby and the rest of western literature this year, it's no longer impossible.

The Pirate Captain's real plan and reason for going is simple: Showbusiness! Vegas is all about those big flashy shows and this series has no concept for time or accurate history so the Pirate captain puts ona bit peformance. Antecdotes! Knife Throwing! An Albino Pirate! all the usual stuff.

To my shock given the title isn't adventures in vegas though given my love for vegas set stories I badly wish it was, it works. THey get a decent if not nearly enough pile of money scare a child who dosen't know the albino isn't a ghost, and have the child fead the albino merunge to show he's not threatning. All sentences I just got paid for recapping, all so over the top as not to be offensive

Sadly this dosen't pan out as Black Belamy, the bastard swoops in with a better show and the pirate captain's attempts to have a lymicrk battle with him result in him insulting an audience of cowboys and having to run for their life. A once an adventure staple, but not exactly good.

Our heroes seem to be at a dead end, depressed about their possible death and lack of success on the stage. I love how pettily angry the pirate captain is about how little they appricated his work. Such a good character. He stays largely the same this time, a bit of an ass (the bit about him trying to go into the showers while jennifer there has aged like fine mlik on a sidewalk but thankfully he clearly never got away with anything), an egotistic and a layabout, but a guy who genuinely loves his crew.

Well.. MOST of them. There's one exception introduced this book and he is a delight, the only pirate beyond Captain's #2 pirate with a scarf, the albino pirate and jennifer to really get much of a personality: The Pirate in Red. The Pirate in Red is a sarcastic bastard who freqnuently makes jabs at the Pirate Captain's expense, only stopping when the captain gestures to his cutlass. He's the only one besides pirate with a scarf who seems to have an idea what he's doing and unlike Scarf Pirate, will actually point this out.

While Pirate Captain DEFINTELY wants to kill him he either defintly knows...

Or more likely it's a sign of a change between books: Scientests relied HEAVILY on black comedy, lots of casual murder and death. This is still present in Whaling, Liz's plans ot kill our heroes are repsented by a threatning greeting card reminder and several people still do die, but it's tone down a bit, more in line with the eventual movie. There's still racy jokes, some that work like PIrate Captain not wanting his beard to get hurt as it'll hurt their gay following as he's known as a bit of a bear, and some age like fine milk left inside a monster truck in a hurricane, like the mention of thiland's "Ladyboys". Bleh. But most of the humor has held up perfectly and it's leaning a bit more into the nonsense, while keeping some casual deaths and murder for funsies. IT's a better ballance. I also got a rather large chuckle out of both times the inventory included the acordian pirate who died last book still stuffed and and mounted after his death.

So while Pirate Captain is loathe to agree with Pirate in Red, he finds his suggestion to... do some fucking pirating for a change actually has merrit. We get them boarding a leper boat an da school trip, both jokes that would be used in the movie. Both are pretty funny with the lepers giving them used bits and with the kids after getting what little money they had they just.. hang out. They build frankestines out of the leper parts, which is fucked up but man if I didn't giggle and Pirate Captain dosen't take them with him as they have moms to think about. Awww

Eventually though they find a whaling vessle and Ahab. Once again the rest of the plot is kicked off by a bad bit of piracy.. but it works largely because rather than someone they barely know.. it's a casual aquantince and it's hilariously awkward, with PC having run through his first mate and Ahab being angry as hell. I just love how it comes off as if you ran into a friend while doing something embarassing and having to make that awkward small talk. And invite him to dinner which is also awkard.

It does provide our heroes an out though: Ahab blows up at the pirate captain making a whale with his mashed potatoes, but admits it's more because he's just fucking tired. So he offers bounty: the same 6000 dubloons our heroes need.

So the rest of the book, the bulk of it really is truly an adventure with whaling as our heroes have no clue HOW to actually do this. The schemes are fast, furious, and stupid with having a bunch of pirates pretend to be krill, dangling various pirates off the bow, and naturally loosing a bunch more to sharks, and the Pirate Captain reading his secret romance novel loudly, which the crew naturalyl enjoys but dosen't do anything.

Eventually in a turn I find neat that REALLY ups the stake the Captain gets obsseed: he works everyone harder, then does the unthinkable: his prized ham, which gets mentiond quite a bit gets nailed to the door for the winner.

I like how this emphasises how the crew works; Sure pirate captain's killed a few dozen of them, and is incompitent as hell.. but he makes the ship fun, gives them adventure and does love his crew. He's not a great leader but he's THEIR captain and him taking all that fun away makes them deseprate

So ... because rule of threes.. the turn to the devil himself: Yes Jennifer suggests the impossible: A few of them including her sneak out and ask Black Belamy. I'ts a genius turn I did'nt see coming: we've seen how clever he can be, and it's the exact worst thing.. but our heroes are short on time and actual ideas.

Belamy being his bastardly self is actually.. helpful, wooing jennifer with a dinner and to his credit not being a dick: he clearly IS trying to win her into bed with his fancy dinner, flirting and what not, btu when she just calls him friend and dosen't quite catch onto his intrest, he dosen't force it. It's a bare minimum but Bellamy is such a scoundrel it's neat to find out he has standards. And he agrees to help. Granted it's of course another scheme on his old school chum and arch enemy, but it's more of a solution than our heroes have

I love how Pirate Captain reacts too: he's mildly livid for a second.. but upon it being explained they were all worried about him, he's genuinely touched by their gesture and belamy giving them what seems to be THE whale in 20 minutes.

As I said though it' sonce again another classic Black Belamy prank. Honestly i'll be dispaointed if adventurees with communist doesn't have him pull some half assed con on our heroes at this point that only works because our heroes are a few barnacles short of a hive minded barnacle monster.

He painted a whale from the zoo white... and our heroes just run with it. Yeah for once his half assed scheme actually helps as they had no other plan so "Hope he buys it" is all they got. Pirate Captain naturally has to take it one step further and stupider: have someone puppet the whale from the inside and apologize. On his last fucking nerve with the guy, PC assigns pirate in red for the job.

So our gang plans to have the whale apologize and arrives to a sketpical ahab and cutlas liz for a GLORIOUS climax. I mean it this finale is just so damn good. It starts with Pirate in Red going off script to insult pirate captain who can't just point to his sword as he can't see him, one of my faviorite gags of the book. Lucky for them before Cutlass Liz can understandably kill them, Moby Dick himself shows up and starts destroying their boat thinking i'ts a lady whale. This is also a great callback as that was thier first scheme. So the book climaxes in pirate captain hanging on for dear life as the whale bats him around and destroys his nice new ship while everyone thinks he's a total badass, cumilating in him and his prized ham, which he ran back for while everyone else jumped ship, ending up in the whales blowhole.

With the newfound respect of their creditors and thier debts paid Liz gives the pirates thir old boat back and we get a pretty sweet ending as they all watch clouds as they did at the start of the book.. they didn't really gain MUCh from this adventure.. btu they learned something: don't get into debt to impress women. Also maybe whaling's not for them.

Adventures in Whaling is a perfect sequel: it ups the stakes, ties the plot together way better, ups the jokes nad in general is just a delight. I dont' knokw if I can wait a year for the next one, this one was pretty damn fantastic. Thanks for reading

[sparrowsfallingfromthesky]

some notable moments from the choose-your-own-adventure adaptation of Treasure Island:

Jim just never going on the adventure at all in one of the plotlines and kind of being like. "oh well." about it

Silver having his men lock Jim into a barrel of ale to drown?

"Oh quite right," Long John admitted. "I can be quite murderous if it strikes my fancy."

Jim being utterly convinced that Mr. Arrow was "bewitched by the spell of a mermaid wizard under the sea" alksdfjkldjsfgo

"Everything I had seen of Long John Silver, from his earrings and crutch to the way he cooked to the way he manipulated everyone, revealed that his adaptability was what made him so dangerous." (true but also what a sentiment to come from the main character/narrator of a book/medium that relies on making different choices to steer the course of the story, who somewhat necessarily ends up having pretty inconsistent morals)

Jim's friends making him (and the pirates) walk the plank (into shark filled water)

Jim comparing himself to Odysseus

Jim getting thrown out of the plot of Treasure Island and into the very thinly disguised plot of? KING KONG?!?!??? (I actually had to google this because the whole section was so weird I was like what did I just read)

Jim running into Ishmael and Captain Ahab (in Boston?) and joining their crew

Jim being recruited to help the American Revolution from Paul Revere's silver workshop (eta: there's also a reference to apparently Johnny Tremaine in this section)

Jim trying to hunt a pig only to find the pig having a party with a rat, a "weird, blue birdlike creature," and a frog wearing a sea-captain's hat and then just backing away and never talking or thinking about this again (I really puzzled over this one but I finally figured out that it has to be a reference to the Muppets Treasure Island)

Jim trying to befriend a rattlesnake and promptly getting bitten by a rattlesnake and dying

The original ending from the book being edited to specify that Silver lives with his wife and Captain Flint (the parrot) as opposed to just Captain Flint

The actual literal ghost of Captain Flint (and the ghosts of the six men he killed on the island) threatening to take Silver's other leg and then running everyone off a cliff

They kept the original opening lines of the book (about Trelawney and Livesey asking Jim to write down everything that happened on the island years after the fact), but in twelve of the thirteen endings (the exception being the original) that either doesn't make sense or is literally impossible (for example he dies in six of them)

Anyway there's a lot I would have done differently but it's certainly a fascinating read

[thehyperrequiem]

The Pagemaster (Thehypercutter’s style) Cast

“A storm forces frightened Custard Cookie III (Jaimie Kelton) inside a nearby library for shelter. Eclair Cookie (Zeno Robinson), the librarian, sees that Custard Cookie III needs an adventure and tries to give the boy a book, but all Custard Cookie III wants is a phone. Before he can call his parents (Yuri Lowenthal, Elizabeth Maxwell), Custard Cookie III slips on the floor, hits his head and passes out. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a fantasy land populated by famous cartoon characters.”

Custard Cookie III (Cookie Run) as Richard Tyler (Live Action)

Megaman (Megaman) as Richard Tyler (Animated)

Pure Vanilla Cookie and HollyBerry Cookie (Cookie Run) as Richard Tyler’s Parents

Fireman (Megaman) as Adventure

Elecman (Megaman) as Fantasy

Waveman (Megaman Fully Charged) as Horror

Balan (Balan Wonderworld) as The Pagemaster

Eclair Cookie (Cookie Run) as Mr. Dewey

Dmitri (Henry Stickmin) and Beastman (Megaman Battle Network) as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

RHM (Henry Stickmin) as Captain Ahab

Tidal Whale (Megaman X) as Moby Dick

Pirateman (Megaman) as Long John Silver

The Order of No Quarter (Shovel Knight) as The Pirates

The Hydrac (Balan Wonderworld) as The Dragon

Stardroids (Megaman) as The Small Citizens

Slashman (Megaman) as The Hound of Baskervilles

Falzar Beast Out (Megaman Battle Network) as The Giant Squid

Cookie Kids (Cookie Run) As the Neighborhood Kids

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, March 15th

XANDER: Arrr! Careful, me mateys! These be fireflies spat from a volcano off the coast of Katmandu. Arr! LITTLE BOY: You're not a real pirate! Real pirates live on boats and don't look stupid! XANDER: (fake laugh) Oh, a salty swabbie! Maybe you be fishin' for the taste ... of me hook! He shakes his hook-hand in the boy's face. The boy is unimpressed. GILES: (calls) Uh, hello, Ahab, a little help please?

~~All The Way~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

take me back into your corner by The_Eclectic_Bookworm (Giles/Jenny, M)

I wish I knew you when I was a kid by Madonnalal (Tara & Spike, G)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Shadowed Suspicion, Chapter 416 by madimpossibledreamer (Ensemble, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure crossover, T)

The Vampire's Daughter, Chapter 19 by PuellaPulchra (Spike/OC, T)

Straight to the Heart, Chapter 9 by QuillBard (Buffy/Faith, M)

A weapon of victory, Chapter 8 by FPBarbieri (Buffy, Tolkien crossover, T)

No Going Back, Chapter 17 by Tru2urheart (Willow/Tara, M)

Keep You Ghosted, Chapter 3 by hydranjenna (Buffy/Spike, M)

A Slayer of Nightmares, Chapter 2 by LJMouse (Buffy/Spike, InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale crossover, not rated)

A Different Path, Chapter 5 by Anaxilea (Buffy/Faith, M)

Horrorshow, Chapter 4 by vampbrat (Fanged Four, AtS Ensemble, E)

Slayer No More, Chapters 1-3 by jsaint34 (Buffy/Pike, T)

Goodbye to Everything That I Knew, Chapter 25 by fortes775 (Buffy/Spike, R)

Afterburn, Chapter 24 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Forwarding Blue, Chapter 5 by Desicat (Buffy/Spike, PG)

All Choseny's Lost Drabbles, Chapters 1-7 by all choseny (Buffy/Spike, PG)

What the Drabble? Chapter 98 by VeroNyxK84 (Buffy/Spike, R)

Glimpses of the Cellar Dwellers, Chapter 15 by Maldorana (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

X.X, Chapter 15 by Rea (Buffy/Spike, R)

30 Ways to Say I Love You, Chapter 15 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Dreaded Lurgi, Chapter 15 by SomeKindOfADeviant (Buffy/Spike, PG)

Forever and Always? Chapter 15 by scratchmeout (Buffy/Spike, R)

The Dawnster Drabbles, Chapter 15 by Passion4Spike (Buffy/Spike, PG)

We’re Having a Baby! Chapter 15 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only)

Slowly At First, Chapter 10 by Gabby (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Bang, Chapters 1-14 by scratchmeout (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Enemies to Ghost Hunters, Chapter 15 by ClowniestLivEver (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

The Balance, Chapter 15 by ClowniestLivEver (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Triangles, Chapter 15 by ClowniestLivEver (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: I Drew Buffy! by parawh0remal (worksafe)

Artwork: William The Bloody - Spike in Peanuts style by MattanzaMFedora (worksafe)

Gifset: “Spikey” by clarkgriffon (worksafe)

Artwork: Tara MaClay by isevery0nehereverystoned (worksafe)

Artwork: practice sketches ft. cordelia by mistyintherivers (worksafe)

Artwork: Summerberg all day every day — Graveyard dates.... by pzyii (Buffy/Willow, worksafe)

Gifset: Spike/Drusilla by andremichaux (worksafe)

Fanvid: Tara and Willow- Unruly Heart by Multifandom_Fanatic (0)

Fanvid: Willow | Willow Rosenberg (+Tara) [BtVS 27 Anniversary Celebration] by Taco_Id (0)

[Fandom Discussions]

Oz fanfic idea by idle-flower

I’m noticing a lot of Faith-in-Buffy on this rewatch by inconsistentlywrittensoul

the scariest assassin in What’s My Line is just Woman With Gun by inconsistentlywrittensoul

Oz is such a slight presence in his first couple of appearances by inconsistentlywrittensoul

american high schools and extensive occult literature by jennycalendar

how male characters are handled in shows like Veronica Mars and Buffy by raisedbythetv89

I genuinely think that faith should’ve hooked up with willow in season 7 by thepunkmuppet

Very tired of the "Buffy didn't have good sex until she was with Spike" take by spangelmybeloved

Spike and the first continued by multiple posters

Groo Should Have Been the Guardian of The Deeper Well by Mr_Wind-Up_Birds

Approaching Seeing Red with first time watcher, please advise! by Vaethe_W

For those who watched the show as it came out, did anyone know that Spike would fall for Buffy early on? by Kindofaddictedtotv

Imagine if Faith and Kendra met by sadhungryandvirgin

Would've been nice to encounter more Watchers w/Slayer experience by primal_slayer

When a Slayer is called by RavenNight789

If Buffy hadn't gotten a haircut... by Tuxedo_Mark

In “Entropy”, how could Willow tell… by hthbellhop76

Xander’s speech to Dawn in a potential by Eagles56

The Body by UKMegaGeek

Anya in Empty Places by sazza8919

How would their human selves [of the Fanged Four] all interact with each other? by Ivy_2535

Into the Woods has weird implications? by SafiraAshai

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[humanoidtyphoons]

it's so real of mont blanc cricket's pirate crew to instantly ditch mont blanc cricket tbh.

the SECOND they realize that cricket is not going to leave jaya, bc mont blanc norland, the man who ruined the generations of mont blanc line because of his lies. they are OUT.

this is a YOU problem, mont blanc cricket. WE don't want anything to do with this. GOODBYE.

they might not know captain ahab and moby dick, but like. they knew that mont blanc cricket was NOT going to set aside his obsession, he was going to let it consume him. so they'd rather ditch him and continue pirating and adventuring. honestly, that's smart and pragmatic of them!

man, i hope i get to meet mont blanc's og pirate crew! i loved the scattering of pirates! people who used to be pirates! people who still have an affection for it! so cool!

[honourablejester]

Spelljammer 5e Reaction

Not going to lie, having gotten the Spelljammer set, I was expecting a little bit … more? Particularly on the Astral Sea and Wildspace as a setting. I mean more of … who all is out here, where do they live, what kind of things do you find floating out here. Maybe a glimpse of Tu’narath? IDK, it just felt a little bit basic and lacking? Some basic rules for air and speed and gravity, and then a lot of ships. And they’re cool ships! I just … would have liked more setting first?

And I know there’s a design philosophy of less-is-more here, so that people can put whatever they want out there without the game contradicting them, but … some starting seeds would be good?

The adventure gives a bit more in that regard, giving you sample wildspace systems and some things en route (the shipwrecks are cool). But that’s a thing in itself, that the adventure is worth more for the setting than the actual setting guide? The Astral Adventurer’s Guide gives you 6 pages, out of 64, actually describing the setting of Wildspace and the Astral Sea (really 2 pages, the other 4 are air and gravity rules), and the rest of the book is ships and player races, and a bit about the Rock of Bral (which is cool, not gonna lie, but it’s also only another 6 pages).

Like. I have my character! I have my ship! Now where am I going in it? What is out here???

There’s one map-slash-diagram, showing the Astral Sea with wildspace systems, astral dominions and dead gods floating in it, and that’s pretty much it?

I mean, give me a sample dominion! Give me a legend of a god corpse and what it contains! Show me Tu’narath, the githyanki city built onto the corpse of a dead six-armed deity. Show me a salvager’s moon or a vampirate trade city! Put some legends of famous spelljammer wrecks with unimaginable treasures floating lost out there, and the obsessed captains seeking them like Ahab tracking the whale. Flavour. Put some damned flavour in!

Honestly, this is one of the most anemic setting guides I’ve ever read. Put some meat on it, for crying out loud! There’s hints, the bestiary and the adventure give a little bit, but …

6 pages of setting in 64. 12, if you’re in the Forgotten Realms and you’re gonna be able use the Rock of Bral. That’s it. That’s all you get. In a setting guide.

The art is gorgeous, but please. Put some actual setting in your goddamned setting guide?

I still love the idea of Spelljammer, don’t worry, space fantasy will always be my jam, but wow, there was an awful lot of not a lot in these books? Like, Ravenloft had so much, all those domains, and some meat on all of them. Spelljammer got absolutely nothing by comparison. I’m disappointed? You’re in magic outer space, where the corpses of dead gods and the palaces of living ones drift serenely, where galleons full of a vampiric pirates sail between worlds, and creatures from alien realms of existence extrude and meet in a silver melting pot of realities. Give me a hollow moon full of ithilids! Give me a trail of astral breadcrumbs left by a trickster deity to lure adventurous spelljammers to their dominion to regale them with stories! Give me a thriving trade in alien artefacts excavated from the bodies of dead deities! I mean, give me something? Anything.

I’m half tempted to just transpose half of Sunless Skies onto Spelljammer and call it a day.

Sorry. It’s just … a bit of a disappointing set? There’s not a lot there.

[scullysexual]

pirate au fic; i’ll tell you a tale of a pirate queen (1/ )

pirate au | multi-chapter | au | multiple parts | historical au | 18th century | currently no msr (if i continue, comes later) | i’ll post to ao3 tomorrow | wc: 1,123 |

A tale of a Pirate Queen.

I’m gonna try my best to continue and complete this though I can’t say when the next chapter(s) will be cause I think I want to write some more before I post again. Anyway, this hit me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I hope you like it :)

@today-in-fic

- - -

Chapter One: Bound To The Sea Below

She pulls out the tie, shakes out her hair, the wind blowing freely through the strands, tangling the red curls around each other. Her mother would be grabbing the hairbrush and telling her to sit.

But Mother isn’t here right now. Nobody is. Dana can hear chatter behind her, the occasional yell, but she is oblivious to it all. Just the wind in her ears and against her face, her eyes shut as she inhales the salty air.

This was where she belonged, without any rhyme or reason, sailing along the sea, bringing goods to other cities and countries. It just felt right to be here. It felt like home.

She grips the rope tighter, holding on as she adjusts her feet on the rails. One accidental step and she’s falling into the water below, it doesn’t scare her, though. Since she was eight years old, she had been climbing the railings such to everyone’s concern, but not once has she fell off. She even got brave enough to close her eyes and fly.

When she reopens them, her heart sinks a little at the sight of Charles Town Port coming into view. That was it, the adventure was over. It could be months, maybe even years, till she got to come along again.

Being on land, trapped in that house could be tortured some days. Dana couldn’t wait till she was free, until she could sail a ship of her own.

“You need to get down Dana,” she hears Billy, her brother, say to her. “Pa said we’re docking soon.”

His footsteps grow quieter the further he walks away. Dana takes one good look at the water, says her goodbyes, and climbs down. She gathers her hair into a low ponytail and places her very own cocked-hat on her head, and runs towards the cabin.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

“Can’t I come with you?”

Bags packed, ready to leave any moment, 11 year old Dana sits on the second to last stair watching as her father is about to set off to sea without her.

Her father kneels at the base of the stairs while her mother looks on. He places a hand atop of her clasped ones.

“I wish you could,” he tells her sincerely. “But the journey is too long. Even Billy isn’t going.”

Her brother is also with them, standing off to the side. His grunt tells her he is just as displeased with this arrangement as she is.

Dana pouts and looks towards the floor. It had been almost a year since her last trip, she was itching to go on another one.

“You’re going to miss my birthday.” The trip would last months, an order to be delivered to Spain.

“I will,” her father tells her, guilt laced in his voice. One of many birthdays missed. “But I promise I’ll bring you something back, okay?”

It would have to suffice. Her father had brought many things back with him for various missed birthdays, each gift different and better than the last, though her favourite was the snow globe he brought back from France. The thought of what he would bring her this time gives her a spark of excitement. A smile spreads across her face despite her disappointment. Dana nods.

“Good.” He flicks her nose and she giggles before launching herself into his arms. “I’ll miss you Ahab,” she says into his shoulder.

“I’ll miss you too, Starbuck.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

On March 7th, there are no presents. There is no father.

Coldness drifts its way through the house, silence following in it’s steps. Soon, her mother’s cries taken silence’s place as it drags through the rooms of the house. March 7th is a cold and harsh day.

Sorrow turns itself into rage, rips through her tiny body as she claws at her bedding and curtains, barrels drawers over, launches objects off her shelves with her arm, they come crashing to the ground.

Her room is a mess and Dana falls against the wall, her hands covering her face as sobs tear themselves out of her, grief pouring out of her.

In the centre of it all lies the snow globe. It catches her eyes and Dana crawls towards it. It’s partially cracked but mostly intact. A ship riding the waves of an ocean. She closes her eyes and holds the globe to her body, flopping down onto the heap.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Billy takes over the orders, becomes Captain of The Lassie.

Dana knew that the death of her father meant no more trips, that for the next six or so years, she would never be able to set foot on one. Just as her father was taken before her far too soon, Dana hadn’t wanted that same thing to happen.

On the day Billy was set to make his first orders as Captain, Dana had come barrelling down the stairs, desperate to tag along one last time.

Dressed in her pants, her hair tied back, the disguise she always wore, she begged her brother to let her come along.

“You take up too much space,” her brother had told her.

Dana had shook her head. “I’ll stay out of the way, please.” Desperation in her voice and on her face, she needed to ride the sea. “Pa always let me, regardless.”

“Aye,” says Billy. “And Pa could’ve got in a lot of trouble, like I can now. Besides, girls bring bad luck and I don’t think we want anymore of that.” He goes to grab his bags, to leave her behind. Dana’s heart sinks. Just one last trip…

Billy stops before he leaves, his head against the doorframe and a loud sigh exiting his mouth. He looks towards his sister who fights to keep the tears from her eyes.

“This is the last one.”

A smile spreads across her lips, tears turning into joy.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Dana would capture the smell of the sea in a bottle if she could, would place it on the shelf. The sea killed her father but it was still home regardless of its danger.

This trip was her last trip, and was treated as such. She arrived home, a clearer memory of the water in her mind, a smile on her face.

Her sailing clothes are taken from her, locked with a chest in her mother’s room. She keeps her hat, however, hides it at the back of her closet but the day she can take it out and wear it again.

The next day, the corsets feels tighter, an anchor keeping her in place. Her hair is brushed until the tangles are free and it shines. The smell of the sea is nothing more than a distant memory. Dana becomes a vessel docked on the shore.

[davekat-sucks]

Fuck it, imma ask you this

What kind of kids would Roxy and Eridan have? Or would they get any kids? eriroxy should be legally married and living happily

I imagine Roxy would want a daughter and Eridan would like a son. If it's a girl, she would have traditional four letter human name. If it's a boy, then six letters like a troll. Viceversa too. Names like Rina, Roxann, Eric, Adrien, Darien, Rodi, and Dani are ones I have in mind for names. One of the kids would be absolutely spoiled, thanks to Eridan. He wants only the best for his kids and gives them all the luxuries they could enjoy. When you're father is from a high class status, he wants his kids to be part of it too. Roxy would drink less when she's around her kids. She would be the fun mom compared to the grumpy gills sea dweller. They would prefer her the most, but Eridan has his moments of being a good dad. Their interests would be one is into science so much, that their outfit is basically like a lab coat. Maybe long one to mimic the cape Eridan wears. He or She would follow Roxy in the lab to try and help them with any projects or experiments. They would also want to someday ride a pony. Maybe a unicorn. The other would definitely be interested as a pirate. Fascinated by Eridan's tales of FLARP, they decided to join in on it too. Eridan would do his best to teach him or her the parts of the ship, how it operates, and all the fish puns he knows. The Ahab's Crosshairs will definitely be given to him or her as an heirloom. Roxy would tease the gun being too easy, as it is a giant blast that aiming is not required. Their little sidekick during pirate adventures would be none other than Vodka Mutiny. Both kids will definitely wear scarves. The girl having one tied up like a bow to look cute. I rarely hear people making half human-half troll kids when shipping human x troll characters for Homestuck. Not even DAVEKAT gives them a child. Probably for the best. They would be shitty fathers. Or most new generation fandom forgets they can still have babies via ectobiology and adoption. I would be on one of the camps of one of their child being like a hybrid. Mostly a human that has troll horns and can breathe underwater. Eridan would be proud that a land dweller has finally evolved. If not, I say definitely one human and the other a troll. It would be an interesting experience on both to take care of babies for the first time. Be it their own kind and the other species. It may be hard, but they manage to pull through and love their children.

[killianmesmalls]

FINALLY!!! My con recap is... long. And I’m wordy. And it’s long. BUT IT’S HERE! Below the cut for anyone who is crazy enough to read it all. 

Friday:

By the time the weekend really got started, I had already had the chance to meet up with @lillpon Wednesday evening for a last-day-at-work happy hour and then again when she, @justmilah, and @fraddit came over to my place to hang out, watch Once, and put the totally last minute touches on my Tilly cosplay. (Also, BTW, yes I am using nicknames because 1) I figure it’s easier for people to follow along and 2) I don’t know how much some people want their real names to be attached to fellow crazies and sent into the ether.) We ended up venturing down to pick up the car from my father-in-law, and on the way found a meeting place for @queen-mabs-revenge to gather with us. Now, we couldn’t find her, kept checking to see where she might be, when LO, HERE COMETH A TINY ITALIAN IN A BIG MCFRIGGIN HAT. Yes, she was indeed sauntering down 8th Avenue in her Lt. Jones hat, which was probably the 18th weird thing most passing New Yorkers had seen in the two hours since they had woken up.

We then all tackle each other and me, @fraddit, @justmilah, and @queen-mabs-revenge continue on to meet my FIL for the car, where Mabs was super on board with helping him trek stuff from the trunk back to his apartment after seconds of meeting him. Such a polite. Without much ado, we make our way to the middle of friggin nowhere New Jersey, aided by the very comforting fact that Mabs navigates the way I need to be navigated to. Much thanks. Many appreciate. Wow.

Our first stop once we go around in circles a few times since driving in Whippany itself is a damn adventure was to meet up with @thesschesthair. While Mabs is confusing the front desk dude with her hat, Chesty over there gives us a call and I sneak out, lock eyes across the dingy parking lot of the Red Carpet Inn, by its derelict diner, and leap into her arms. She then comes over to attack Milah and Fraddit before properly grabbing Mabs so hard they were close to osmosis.

I’m not going to lie, it’s at this point through to Monday evening where things sort of blur. Mabs and Chesty requested rooms beside each other and GUESS WHAT. Yep, you guessed it, they had rooms that actually were connected by a door that was hidden behind Mabs’s oversized fridge. Oh! And there was a random toilet just hanging out outside their rooms. Because, why not? When Puh Pah has to go, he has to go. Also, it’s here that Mabs gives us all Alice-themed totes from Poundland (YES, LAUGH, IT’S GREAT) and then we do roundabouts again to get to the Marriott where the rest of us are staying.

Registration was a breeze, and then we collapse into the lounge area where we meet up with @theonceoverthinker and an already-registered Chesty, where she and I are off to the side making inappropriate jokes and then deciding it’s time to wine o’clock this con. Guys? The pub in the Marriott got some play by the Pirate Crew (thank you, @freifraufischer for dubbing us all as pirates), we tried their Poisoned Apple sangria, shot the shit, and then went about checking in and getting ourselves settled while at various points meeting up with @captregina, @lillpon, and @freifraufischer.

At some point (again because all is a blur) we went to Chris’s Q&A where I asked him a couple of questions and honestly blanked on most of the experience because OMFGITALKEDTOSMEE. Then Jared came on, was very much however you’d imagine Jared being, and I was still very much focused on Chris saying how much Smee would love Alice and knowing that Colin and Rose day was tomorrow.

Afterwards, we got autographs, where Mabs’s delightful totes came in handy and I had Gil, Chris, and Jared sign the back of the Alice tote. Gil was nice and I complimented Jared on how much him being open about anxiety meant to people, but it was Chris that, to me, was the MVP. He was incredibly personable, funny, and a total teddy bear. I asked him about the blooper he was in where it seemed like Smee was trying to convince Hook to not duel with Ahab (the one where Colin spat in his face) and Chris said he honestly forgot what was happening in that scene, but he would ask Colin. Still, the one thing he did remember was when he knelt down in front of Colin in the post-duel “Congratulations, Captain, you won!” scene, he split his pants. The camera was to his back, but his treasures were on full display in front of Colin.

I also asked Chris for a hug because, I mean, YOLO, and he obliged! Honestly, he’s a damn pumpkin and I adore him.

Now, there was karaoke night after this, but some of us were bad idea bears and decided to say “f--- this” and went into the pool with some sea salt gin Mabs had brought over. We’re super classy, guys.

...What happens at the pool, stays in the pool. :P

Saturday:

OMG COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY! COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

I was legit saying this and hopping up and down I don’t know how many times. I focused most of the morning trying to make sure I had myself together, getting my tights ripped just right, getting my hair done, venturing to @captregina’s room so I could do her hair (where I met @brave-lassie), doing her eyeliner, doing my makeup, meeting up with everyone, and trying to contain my feelings about COLIN AND ROSE DAY!!!

I missed most of the Wild Bunch Q&A in my efforts to get ready and in waiting for Rose’s photo ops. I lined up with Capt just by where the actors enter into the room they do the photo ops in and got my very first in-person look at Rose.

Guys.

GUYS.

That precious angel GLOWS. I cannot say enough how adorable and lovely she looks and is in person, but I will try my best. She’s insanely precious. Honestly, I was probably a walking hearteyes emoji. I try to keep my cool as I wait for her in line, where I’m set to get a picture with her than a shared picture with her and Capt, and the moment she sees me in my Tilly cosplay she exclaims, “NAILED IT!” Then, like a spastic idiot, I told her I couldn’t help myself since she’s my favorite, and she said, “You’re my favorite!” Bless her. She’s insanely personable and tilts her head to you, and is a personified cupcake.

After that, I brought Capt in for a shared picture with her, where we handed her my bunny mask and Rubik’s cube I had made with the help of Lill as we (plus Milah and Fraddit) had lounged on my couch Thursday night. She geeked out a bit over them, I asked her which one she wanted to hold, and she chose the Rubik’s cube, I held the mask, and Capt and I held a pillowcase she had gotten a while back that said, “We’re all mad here.”

Rapid fire they then did Colin and Chris photos followed by Colin and Rose, where all of us collectively lost our minds throughout. There are some pretty stellar ones people got with Colin and Chris, and then OMFG KNIGHTROOK.

Not going to lie, I kind of blanked on it a bit. I just remember saying “hi” to them both, taking a photo in the middle of them, and then ushering in PERFECT TACO HAT LT. JONES MCMABS in for the second photo, where I pulled a crazy face and she pulled that cheesy salute in that pic of him and Bernard.

Then was Rose’s Q&A, and as you can tell she’s still the embodiment of sunshine with a dash of silliness. I must have had a massive smile on my face the entire time in between bouts of laughter.

Before her panel ended, they called for Colin photos, which I needed to get to early because I had Rose’s meet and greet, but HELL NO WAS I MISSING ANY OF ROSE. Nope. So I stayed, then dashed out, and totally thought I’d be fine because…hey, I had already met and touched the man, how hard could this be?

BEING A NORMAL HUMAN AROUND HIM IS IMPOSSIBLE. I just hope I didn’t sound too much like an idiot when I said another hello and asked, “Do you mind if I give you a hug?”

Tired panda just opened his arms and we took a quick picture, and his face was SUPER CLOSE TO MINE and I didn’t know what to do with myself and suddenly that scruff was AGAINST MAH FACE. I think I entered a new plane of existence at some point but remembered I had feed and managed to use them to walk out and not completely venture to a new reality.

It was probably a good thing I didn’t have time to transcend to nirvana because ROSE’S MEET AND GREET WAS NEXT. It got off to a late start since Emilie was still in the room when we got up there, but I’d wait howmstever long for her.

SHE IS AN ANGEL. I mean, absolute, 100%, grade-A, undiluted angel. She makes an effort to engage with everyone and really make eye contact with you, speak to you for as much as she can, and is just naturally her sweet and funny self. She then took selfies with everyone, where I told her my name was “Carrie, like the movie” which is my default at Starbucks because then people know how to spell it. She fake scared and pretended like she was ducking her head and going to walk out, which we shared a laugh at before our picture.

I missed most of Karen David’s panel, but right afterward was COLIN!!! Tired panda did his best to wake up and be his silly, smartass self, bless his heart. I’m so glad he said he wished there were more to the KnightRook story because he feels like there’s more to explore with that and HARD AGREE, COL! Also massive, MASSIVE shoutout to Overthinker for her crazy awesome questions!!! You are indeed worthy of being his favorite!!! Also, props to @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt for her original question about craft services. Dudes, the things we don’t think about!!! I need to try a grilled cheese with pickles now, that sounds AMAZING. OH! OH!!! AND HE DID THE WORM! AND SANG! How were we this #blessed?!?!

We then had a hot minute (or roughly 30) before KNIGHTROOK PANEL!!! Guys, those two and their dynamic will never not kill me. THOSE TWOOOOOOO!!!! HOW PERFECT ARE THEY?!?! I think their humor together is priceless and she’s like a damn coffee bean to him. It’s a good thing I like odd things because I CAN’T EVEN WITH THEM. (:smirk:) AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH he goes and kills us with his Millian answer and I see Mabs and Milah vibrating into the ether.

After that is almost immediately autographs, where they had us line up for Colin then head over to Rose. They tucked tired panda behind this black curtain, and Mabs, Capt, and I coordinated getting various things signed for us and others. When I told him something was for someone who had contributed to the Whitecaps charity, he replied, “Oh! Very good.” Then he got my spyglass and went all childishly curious, peeked inside the box, then raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk.

Then it was off to see Rose, who was taking more time to talk to fans, which is understandable given the fact that Colin had a longer line and Rose also can’t seem to help herself. Chesty gave me her badge so I could get a second autograph, like a friggin champ, and I had Rose sign the spyglass and also had the title page of the manuscript I’ve written (I NEED TO FINISH EDITING IT) and told her it was a 1920s Alice in Wonderland retelling, and I thought having her sign it would be a good luck charm. She sounded super enthusiastic about it and wrote a long note for me on it, which I will for sure cherish forever!!!

OH! And on my way to get into the Rose line, I hear someone say my name and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S @leiandcharles!!! HUZZAH!!! I probably sounded like a spaz because I was on a Colin and Rose high and was all over the place but she pretended to not be terrified of the insanity that was me… ANYWAY!

It was then time for dinner. With the pub PACKED TO THE GILLS, especially after there was a bomb scare at a nearby hotel so the people there had to come over to ours for a bit, a group of us went up to Capt’s room to hang out and get pizza. I’m probably going to blank on everyone that was in that room, but I do remember dragging Leia there, meeting @coaldustcanary, Overthinker kicking over my drink and being roasted about it by Chesty (still makes me giggle!), and generally being a nuisance with Capt, Mabs, and Milah while Fraddit, and Lill went off to introduce Chesty to Chipotle. It has since changed her life.

At some point we declare we should hang out at the pub again, and a group of us went to go shoot the shit until Mabs passed out right there in the booth (CALLIN’ YOU OUT, POPS!) and everyone was sufficiently either toasted or tired. Some of us then venture up to my room, and shenanigans ensued. THUS ENDETH COLIN AND ROSE DAY!

Sunday:

While I was sad this seemed like a less crazy day for us, I was also a bit relieved because hot DAMN was I tired after the day before. Still, we didn’t have much time to really collect ourselves because the Mills fam gold panel started at 10, so a group of us wandered down to breakfast.

We then get in to see Andrew, Lana, and Bex, where Lana and Bex were of course hysterical together, Andy looked cute, and you could feel the collective vibrating of all Regina and Zelena fans which was adorable. I mean, I love Regina, but there was some LOVE in that room from her Evil Regals. I do wish Andy had gotten a bit more attention or had been a bit more vocal, but it’s got to be hard to not just let Lana and Bex own the stage.

There was then a decent break before Bex’s panel. That woman, as you all likely know, is HYSTERICAL. She kept the room laughing through most of her panel, and you can see she has nothing but love for her fans and her costars.

After her panel, I don’t have anything I’m too fussed about until 2 (MILAH WAS ROBBED IN THAT VID CONTEST, BTW, JUST SAYING) and so some of us gather together for lunch in, you guessed it, the hotel pub! Dudes, our options were limited and it looked like a library and had loaded potato soup. What more do you want?

It’s then time to MEET LANA, where me, Mabs, and Capt try to strategically settle ourselves somewhere out of the way but close enough to the side door to get a good look at the queen as she walks in. And, DAMN, that woman is gorgeous! Me and Capt then leap into the line where she proceeds to get two very adorable photos done and then I get pulled in to get hugged by Lana (!!!!!!!!!) while Capt hugs her from the back. She was super sweet and patient the whole time with everyone, and you could really see how much she loves spending time with her fans.

We then decide some of us need shots because some of us (*cough* Capt *cough*) are about to pass out from being so near Her Majesty’s presence, and then we wander into the ballroom for Henry Squared’s panel. Andy was adorable, Jared was typical Jared. I’ll be honest, I don’t have anything from that panel that seems to stick out to me as a solid memory, though maybe that was the whiskey shot’s fault.

Then comes Lana’s panel and, once again, you can feel the energy of the Evil Regals in the room. For however silly Colin, Rose, and KnightRook panels are, HOLY DAMN Lana panels are just filled with all sorts of emotions! It was like a damn rollercoaster! I laughed, I teared up, I was generally all over the place. SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS. It was delightful but also made me just desperately need to laugh about fart jokes with my fellow Colin heathens. WE DON’T KNOW EMOTIONS.

Sadly during the following break, it is time to say farewell to the spun sugar that is Lillpon. I console myself knowing I’ll see her again, but it’s depressingly others’ last time with her, but ONLY FOR NOW. Yes? Yes.

Next up is autos with Andrew and then Lana. Andrew was a sweetheart. I was standing next to Capt and Mabs, where we proceeded to tell him how great we thought he was in season 7 and how much that season and his performance in it meant to us and brought back some love for the show. He seemed genuinely touched and said it meant a lot to him to hear that. Bless that boy.

We then wait a bit for me, Capt, Mabs, and Milah to venture up for Lana’s autos. By the time we got to her, we had this whole strategic thing planned out where I’d bring up S7 Hooked Queen, Capt gets her Hooked Queen picture signed, and Mabs gets the word for Capt’s tattoo. Lana says she did expect when they started that she thought Hook and Regina were going to be a thing but alas. Oh! And Mabs tells her that they’ve got family from the same area of Sicily, where Lana proceeds to say they do kinda look alike, and it is now confirmed #fam.

With everything over, we head once again to, YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN, the hotel pub. Chesty and Fraddit have already settled in and eaten, and me, Mabs, Capt, Overthinker, and Milah get ourselves all ordered up where we both mourn the end of the weekend and still buzz from the high the last three days had given us. A series of more shenanigans ensues, and none of us are ready for the weekend to be over. I’m pretty sure we collectively tried to drag it out for as long as possible.

For one last hurrah, we then venture to the pool again and meet up with @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker, where we all debrief and collectively laugh about the weekend, in addition to getting all into our feels about how Swan Queen fans and Hook fans are being all chill and friendly with each other. WHO KNEW PEOPLE COULD HUMAN?!

It was a fantastic end to the weekend, and there were more days ahead that involved ridiculous conversations in the car (Thicc Lady and Pointy Boi! Is this Central Park?! etc), meeting Mabs’s ENTIRE FAMILY, hearing Chesty lose her mind several times, enjoying super Long Island experiences with them, Milah, Overthinker, and Fraddit, and so on. Some of us also went sailing on a tall boat later, where we hoisted the main sail and felt like proper pirates! Then there was just general hanging out, but I won’t bore you further with that.

Instead, I’ll bore you with shoutouts!

@lillpon DESCUSTANG!!! You’re such a damn delight. Both sharing a bed and hoisting the main sail with you was brilliant and I love you forever. YOU MET COLIN!!!

@queen-mabs-revenge What are words? I have none. And if I started I’d probably turn into a mess so FARTS BELLY PT CRUISER POINTY BOI FARTS! I’ll probably emotion at some point and send it to you in private and then go run off to watch bloopers or something to get back to some sort of state of normal.

@fraddit SEVEN?! WHAT’S IN THE BOX?! Resting judge face or no, you’re fantastic, I love you, and you’re forever welcome in my apartment! Or basically anywhere with me.

@thesschesthair You funny asshole, I don’t know what I would have done without you to be there to say jokes as foul as mine. You were such a good sport about me being an annoying shit. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed we can celebrate your birthday with a Captain Charming shindig!!!

@justmilah You’re so sweet and so funny and just damn precious. I LOVED going to the American Girls store, traipsing around Rockefeller Center, exploring actual Central Park, getting Millian and Knightrook feels in the AMNH, and wasting time at Johnny Utah’s with you. You’re always welcome!!!

@captregina Mah darling! I’m so glad and relieved that you had a good experience! You earned it, and I’m excited to talk about it over brunch with you.

@theonceoverthinker YOU FAVORITE PHD GENIUS! Stellar questions from a stellar person. It was amazing to hang out with you and we should do it again soon!!!

@the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt You’re a precious angel and it was delightful to meet you! I’m so glad you felt welcomed into the fold. But, of course you were! You’re wonderful!

@brave-lassie From one “mom” to another, thanks! Also, you’re a sweetheart and YOU MAKE AN AMAZING RED!!!

@leiandcharles @freifraufischer @coaldustcanary @reginamotherfuckingmills and @agntreginaskywalker IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU ALL! And thank you for being so patient and awesome with some of the shenanigans.

[feely-touchy]

How many ships have I bottled up

afraid of sailing

spiders trapped under a glass.

Now what?

Prone to panic and wailing

how many shells have I covered back up?

pale in comparison to beach isn't much

enough for me to get dirty.

Playing between sea, sand, sun

Now what?

Prone by flights of fancy and sinking muddy feelings

afraid of failure

failure to launch

smoke flooding homes in fits.

All around Troy is burning.

Harboring enemies

aware of my feeble frame

returning to cinder

consequence, in finality, sinks in.

I terrify me.

Scaring scarred Hook but also what Ahab hates

something by nature, not God,

which destroys and leaves

too powerful in puddles to think

over-privileged natural thoughtlessness

unpleasantly contently contemptibly inhuman.

Our upturned shale of old bones

humanity left in wake

shadow undersurface

reflections cast off

harpoons catching whirlpools

hemorrhaging forth a redder sea

free of pirates, whalers, prop bleeding-hearts.

Throw sails where caution once was

break open baubles

send off contents on adventures

Odyssey or lost at sea

our discontent a part of the long winter

parting a part-one to sweet reunion

arrival an act of revelry

when even departures are hard for beginners

[girlzoot]

“Are all your friends that dour, Captain?” asked the pirate with a hook for a hand as the pirates wandered back to the Lovely Emma. “Only the ones racked with eternal torment,” explained the Captain. “The rest are pretty frivolous.” —Gideon Defoe/The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

[callmeasafebetimbettingimn-blog1]

Sea Of Thieves Evaluation In Progress

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Uncommon promises that death expenses will differ how to download sea of thevies, depending on the sort of death and whether it could have been avoided or not, but that it will not charge players at all for PVP associated deaths. After you and your crew have made it to square T26 on the Sea of Thieves map, you all require to pull out instruments, and begin playing the very same tune in unison. You will want at least one particular person (possibly two) on the drums at when, and you will want to hold the tune for at least fifteen seconds prior to the Megalodon shows up. Sea of Thieves is an open-globe pirate-themed adventure for Xbox A single and Windows 10 Helmed by Uncommon - the British developer responsible for classics over the years such as Best Dark and Conker's Undesirable Fur Day - it was billed as the ideal sea of thevies pc download game Uncommon has ever created. But, Sea of Thieves is anything but that. 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[johndescole]

laton characters from an outsider pov

like a month ago @/toobertpoondert who is the Adult in our chat offered to give their impressions of the layton characters based on what me and @/shloominaty were dumping out of our brains about the series, so here

i think screenshots would be hard to read so im gonna just , provide the character name and what they said. we were sending the images of the characters, not the names

layton: “ That's Hershey layton, aka rectangular puzzle man. He's a gentleman and a dad. Gonna guess he's jewish cause like. Hershel. A kind face and good hair under that hat. “

luke: “ Oh that's luke aka Luke Prime. Puzzle boy, adopted son of puzzle man. I think he has parents but Hershel is his dad anyway. Gentleman in training. He keeps Capri suns in those bags. Gotta stay hydrated on adventures. “

flora: “ Puzzle lass. Maybe a puzzle daughter? I think there's another woman that's puzzle daughter or maybe wife. Nice hair,  probably good at riddles. Those boots are very tall, can she walk okay? “

don paolo: “ Ohh! Pointy!!! Shaped like a villian (triangle) but not necessarily a villian. That is a dress, not a coat. Wears gloves because some textures BAD. Looks stressed out/vigilant. Uses lots of product to keep his hair like That. “

at this point i said “don paolo massive sexy”

emmy: “ Now That's puzzle lady that I've seen. She's an lesbian. Points out obvious shit that Hershey is too overthinky to get. “

clive: “ Ok so that one is Clive aka Bigger Luke. Inconsiderate, does not bring enough capri sun for everyone. Pretty good at rubix cubes and puzzle boxes, but little else. NOT luke from the future, just a fashion stealer. Who wore it better??? (It's luke, not Clive.) “ (i guess we spoiled this one too much hshghudhfidhdh)

anton: “ Hairless gibbon, nice fashion sense, vampire kink. Next. “

randall: “ That one's randy! Hershel's ex boyfriend from college. They still get along. Wanted to be a pirate when he was a kid. Good at number puzzles. “

masked gentleman: “ Wears the mask to be mysterious and so you can't prove he's not at least 1 member of daft punk. Plays harpsichord. Sets up music puzzles. Probably one of those weird guys with too many pet birds. “

descole: “ Descole! Mysteriously born without feet or arms. Phantom of the opera fanboy. Layton's arch frenemy. Probably tried to blow some buildings up a là v for vendetta. He and layton pause during battle for a mid battle tea break. Hides pets in his robe. You'll be in the middle of a conversation and he'll by like "btw have you met my pet mouse? His name is Better Hershel." “

bronev: “ Chicken legs Chuck. Can't too good. Stoner. "Wow my hands are huge."  Smelly. “

claire: “ Randy pre-t and pre nose job. “

aurora: “ Oh she's possessed, for sure, look at those eyes. Ghost princess. Puzzles about dead poets. “

desmond: “ Okay so that guy? Layton's cousin. Probably named Samuel. Allergies and asthma, but a good sport. Team medic.  Knows about plants “

chemey: “ Fishy Uncle Frank. Good with numbers, bad with people. Smells like tuna. Best friend is his old cranky cat “

grosky: “ Roberto. Artificial legs. That button down and tie? Just a printed t shirt. Drenched in cologne. Bad cook, good food critic. “

dimitri: “ He need some milk. Sailor moon tuxedo mask fanboy. Insomniac. Edgy riddled about death “

bill hawks: “ Professor Hypotenuse (a nickname. He's actually named Filmore.) Librarian who tires of the ruckus layton and his friends cause when they do research. Called hypotenuse because he's an eternal 3rd wheel.”

clark: “ The image title says Clark triton but he's captain Ahab. Bluegrass fan. Is a lawyer, but makes illegal moonshine. “

[drunkensxilor]

☠ Flor de la Mar Event ☠

CELEBRATING THE 100 FOLLOWERS IN THIS BLOG!

Here, some history before we start...

The Flor de la Mar (Flower of the Sea) was a 400 ton Portuguese carrack built in Lisbon during 1502. It was caught in a violent storm in the Straits of Malacca. On the 20th November 1511 it was shipwrecked on the reefs of Sumatra. The ship broke in two and the treasure was lost to the waves.

The exact location of the shipwreck is confused, probably due to the inaccurate maps of the time. It is considered the richest treasure still to be found.

More detailed story here.

Now...

Captain Brineybeard, the most fearsome pirate of our time...!

His marvelous ship, Ahab!

Along with his crew...!

Have decided to go and find the legendary treasure of Flor de la Mar. Given the possible risks in his quest, he’s looking for more people to join him in this adventure. Only the bravest.