#The fact that Brook came back to life and had to bury all of his crew mates. His entire ship.

[shima-draws]

Binks’ Sake hits SO differently now

[lychniis]

― PINK CAMELLIA.

diluc, kaeya, zhongli x reader.

 “longing for you.” + angst

WARNING(S) : just...pining. a horrific amount of pining. that's it, that's the plot, unrequited but not unrequited love, and a shit load of feelings left unsaid.

#main masterlist | flos anthalogy masterlist

&& . diluc ragnvindr · ( he lies to his heart ; the words stay unsaid )

“IS SOMETHING WRONG?” you ask, nervously shifting away one of the boxes as you look up at him with parted lips and a raised brow. He catches himself staring ( and he was always staring at you, across the street, from the bar, during your little talks and the conversations held during the afterhours; staring but never moving closer left the illusion shattering ) and shakes his head with the tiniest of smiles. It was there, but easily missable save for the sharp eyed and witty.

Your shoulders relax and you nod. “Alright then…” you mumble, carefully placing a tea set wrapped in thick cloth into one of the boxes. “You’re quieter than usual today, ‘Luc…” you add. “But…thank you for helping me pack…”

And there it was, that damned smile, the smile that took away the rationale and sanity and his peace of mind. The smile that invades his thoughts at night and fills them with you and your peace and the comfort you came with.

“It’s no issue for me.” He replies. “I am always happy to help you…” 

That was true, but not for this. Will you be safe? Will you be happy? Was he happy? 

Diluc knew life was filled with the good and the bad. The memories of his youth, the time he and Kaeya once played within the brook just a little ways off the winery, the smile his father passes his way, the inside jokes between him, Elzer and Adelinde and you. You and your small apartment and your silly musings and your walls filled with half finished paintings.

( The smell of it all has long faded. The walls were empty; Diluc feels empty. )

There were the happy things, then the sad. The hours he had left, the minutes that ticked by, the fact that you were leaving. Paths diverged every day, people met then part ways and life sets its course once more, unbothered by it all. Diluc knows that. He knows that.

Why does it hurt?

( His hands were trembling. He wants it to stop. )

You laugh, placing the last of the boxes out and pause by the doorway. He takes you in, one last time. 

Once upon a time, he may have found you a little annoying and strange; a bit of a sore spot, a presence he would have to put up with. Not now. Diluc would take all of you in, every part of you from the tiny peeving parts to the bits he adored ( and the silly nicknames, the ones that were so ridiculous and soft ).

He should tell you. He should, he ought to.

But he cannot. Because you were you, and he was Diluc. You were kind, and you deserved the world and someone safe. Not him. Never him.

So he stays quiet. He watches your belongings ( and the familiarity and the memories ) fill the cart. He watches your last checkup. He breathes in and he knows he should let you go. He should let you go ( even if Kaeya calls him foolish, if he is sick with worry, if he wants to pull you close and beg you to stay. Because Diluc knows this too : to love is to learn to lose. Because love was selfless, and it was cruel and it was pain and euphoria molded into one.

...fuck, he loves you... ) 

“I’ll be off then…” you declare. He snaps his head up. You were standing in front of him now. “I…I hope we see each other soon…” you add. “Shall we write often?”

“We shall.” he agrees and that provides a little bit of comfort. You smile again, but it seems subdued and suddenly, everything smells like you and Diluc buries his nose into your hair and hugs you back, tightly, desperately. Then you pull away ( and there it was again, the absence, the emptiness, the lacking of warmth ). 

“Every week?”

“Twice a week,” he promises and he intends to keep it. You chuckle, tugging at the hem of your sleeves. “I…” the words stay heavy in his mouth. You tilt your head. “I wish you a safe journey, then.”

You board the carriage and Diluc stays and watches it disappear into the distance, till it’s nothing but a speck. His chest feels like it’s torn apart. His lips tremble. Pathetic, he thinks bitterly. Pathetic.

( In the distance, you curl up on your seat. Mondstadt was far behind you.

You wish he asked you to stay. )

&& . kaeya alberich · ( maybe when he was less of a child ; he'll say it )

HE WAS A FOOL, Kaeya thinks. Foolish, utterly insane. 

But there was something in you he longs to touch, something that shone, that was beautiful — and he’d draw his hands back when he catches himself reaching out for it, he’d take a few steps back when he sees how he pursues you. He was a fool, he thinks again, because he was a coward. Because Kaeya does not know how to say he loves you. 

( Why did he love you, another face in the crowd? Why did he think he loved you, him, a runaway child from a nation with no god and no place in this world? Why did he love you, someone who was nothing like him?

Kaeya does not know, because he was a fool. )

It scares him, how you could undo everything with just a touch. You could look his way and everything would stop, and maybe somewhere the flowers bloomed or the rains in Fontaine stilled or a part of Dragonspine thawed over — a part of his traitorous little heart would thaw over. “Pull yourself together now,” he would sigh to himself in the silence of the room, under the noise of the bar. His eyes would immediately find you after. He wants to slap himself.

Kaeya wants to hate you. He wants to revile the smile on your face. He wants to ask you why you’re so easily holding that dagger over his chest with little knowledge of its sharp edge. He wants to listen to you hum under your breath. He wants to kiss your knuckles and laugh at his jokes. He wants you gone. He wants to tell you everything he feels about you, everything and anything.

But the thoughts stay to himself.

He greets you amiably, hiding away the painful thump in his ribs. 

He smiles away, masking the stutter in his voice, the tiny trip in his words, the tremble beneath the syllables.

His feelings stay hidden, another one of his secrets, something he would never disclose. No soul in Mondstadt would know of it, including you. Especially you. ( Because you dare, you dare to love him in return. You dare to light up when he stands in the same room, mirror his feelings in a way that didn’t seem twisted or wrong. )

Kaeya thinks that’s what scares him; his ability or lack thereof to keep those thoughts a secret How it felt so easy to open his mouth and let them come tumbling out into a messy pile that he’d rather not deal with. The feelings will leave, they will fade out and soon you’ll be another face in the crowd again, something of an ire but a fond memory. Kaeya was certain of it.

He still finds himself looking at you.

“Kaeya you fool.” he whispers to himself when his cheeks grow hot as you catch his gaze and you wave back at him. And the feelings stayed and they grew and they festered until it was the undeniable truth. He suffers in his silence, wrenching himself apart over his longing, over his wish to tear these feelings out of his chest with frustrated tears, with wanting to bask under the normalcy of you and the thoughts of something soft and loving.

He wants it to stop.

But Kaeya still pines, he watches from the corner of his eye, he vies for those moments of serendipity, he revels in those coincidental run ins, he takes in your similarities and differences, he wishes to meet your gaze and says he loves, to give you his heart just as you were ready to give yours. Kaeya wants those moments of sincerity in his ocean of lies, to witness you unfiltered.

But his lips stay sealed, the secret stays, hidden away amongst the countless others he holds and the lies he so seamlessly weaves. I love you, a part of him would yell when he says something else. I love you, please, I love you. But it stays muted, a pitiful noise in the background.

Because he was being foolish, because he does not know how to tell you he loves you, because Kaeya wants to touch something he knows he would only tear apart.

So he stays silent, for you.

( And maybe one day, he can smile and whisper those words into your ear beneath a ceiling. He could kiss you on the lips without the lies weighing him down. 

But not today. ) 

&& . zhongli | rex lapis · ( to love is to lose again ; is it worth it? )

ZHONGLI HAS LIVED too long to be capable of love.

The years have washed it away, to leave behind weariness. Grief had watered it down and hardened his heart and loss left behind its silt. Zhongli has lived too long to love anymore, because the grief still remains — it always remains, warping but constant. Because he was the aftermath of burnout, of a man torn by war and too many names crossed away from those who once lived. 

But a heart of stone is a heart nonetheless and the eyes of mortality drag him back down to earth ( because Zhongli never lost it. He never lost Guizhong’s teachings, nor did he lose the softness he once held for her. It simply stayed, waiting, waiting for another face that made him to stop, made him look, made him smile ). And he sees you one day, and something in his mind clicks.

You were meant to be a fond memory, a friend, someone who he cherished but not adored. You were meant to be someone appreciated at a distance, a soul who Zhongli would write into poetry in passing when your mortality takes you away. You were meant to be impermanent and fleeting ( a qingxing in bloom, a butterfly cupped within his hands ).

And then, Zhongli fell in love.

He fell in love with the ephemeral and time finally seemed to slow. The sunsets lasted longer, the moments of silence were drawn out, his hours at work seemed to span millenia. He sees himself facing a man less like Zhongli the rational, the even minded, the patient ( because the seconds feel too long now ) and more like Morax, hot blooded and hasty, who jumped at chances and lays out his contracts and strategies with cold tact ( Morax, who would do everything and anything to pull you to him, to sweep away for himself ).

It was strange and a little amusing and a little perplexing; seeing those years come undone by a single utterance of his name. 

But Zhongli was in love.

( And he was afraid of losing again. )

You were young, ready to face the world, ready for your future. You stood your ground with resolution, with stubbornness, and you were kind and eager and bold. “I think I might be in love with you.” you had admitted one day and Zhongli thinks about it after, over and over, every time his mind wanders, every time he thinks he sees you in the crowd and every time he shuts his eyes in leisure. 

Zhongli has lived a long time. Pain had worn him down, violence had weathered his gaze, blood stained his hands. 

And love taught him grief again. Love taught him the fears of losing a beloved. Love taught him what was soft but painful. Zhongli knows that one day you will be long gone and he will remain. Zhongli knows you would have to live with this knowledge, of his immortality, of him standing beside you as a memento mori.

( He could not hide from you, he could not hide away a secret so vast. Because love needed trust and trust was not hiding away his eternity. )

He looks into your eyes and he sees another face he might lose, the looming call of death, the thought in his head, if it was worth it, worth the heartbreak. Every rational thought telling him to pull away, to stop himself from cupping that butterfly close, to stop himself from taking your hand, from telling you he loves you too. Was it worth it? He asks himself, trying to envision a future without you, should he let himself be further ensnared; to experience a momentary high, this respite after years of battle. 

Should he tell you he loves you?

( Because he does, painfully so, passionately, sincerely, tenderly down to his very being, his very core. )

He looks into your eyes and he thinks it should be, and when you smile at him, he thinks he knows the answer.

❪⠀🎬⠀❫ AINE SPEAKS ;;

requested by : @x-zho

*evil laughter* "die potato." "not today".

taglist — @x-zho, @dustofthedailylife, @deus-lapidis, @silentmoths, @nebulaera, @aestellia, @ofoceansandtombsanew, @meimeimeirin.

AINE © 2022. do no plagiarize, repost or rework this piece.

[kissorkill16]

Death From A Coin: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Finch finds the real reason behind Lucy's death.

"So you're positive this is the reason?", asked Trinity.

"Absolutely.", replied Finch. "It's gotta be mind control. Like I said before, the animals wouldn't just attack us out of nowhere, and no one is telling us anything, so he must be forcing them to keep their mouths shut."

Trinity tapped her chin. She knew Finch had a point, and she knew that this had to answer for all of the insane things happening around Raven Brooks. "Alright, we'll discuss this later.", she said, "But hold on, I have to pee."

Trinity left the copy room, leaving Finch to herself.

Finch thought about just waiting until Trinity came back, but who knew when that'd be? Could be hours.

So she just walked around the room, browsing through old newspapers and blank pieces of paper.

She stumbled upon an old article that she recognized. Against her better judgement, she picked it up, and immediately wished she hadn't when she read the headline.

The Golden Apple Tragedy

She already knew what this article was about. Her cousin, Lucy Yi, was only seven years old when she died. A day of fun turned into a day of chaos. The little girl was at the front of the cars of the newest rollercoaster in the park, Rotten Core.

It started out as just a day of fun, but quickly spiraled out of control when the ride started going too fast, eventually flying off the tracks and landing in the woods. The car Lucy rode in was in a tree, but she however landed headfirst on a boulder.

People began rioting against Mr. Peterson, the creator of that ride, demanding answers, wanting to know why the ride was even allowed to operate before passing basic safety tests. Mr. Peterson begged them that he did take the ride for a few test runs, but no one believed him, they were all too focused on the fact that his creation killed a little girl.

Finch set the article down and slumped down against the wall, but then she noticed something in the picture on the top of the article.

Next to Lucy's picture, and the car she flew from, was a golden apple coin.

The same golden apple coin that Trinity had.

She couldn't believe she didn't notice that, but then again, it was so small, anyone could've missed it. Then she flashbacked to a conversation that she and Lucy had three weeks before the grand opening.

"Isn't it pretty, Finch? I found it on my drawer. I don't know where it came from or who left it there, but it's so shiny and beautiful."

She had once showed her the coin, and to anyone's eyes, the coins did look really pretty and shiny. But knowing what she knew now, those coins didn't mean anything good. Then she flashbacked to the note that Trinity once showed to the whole group.

"Lose this coin, lose your life."

Then, poor Finch had a terrible realization.

Mr. Peterson didn't kill Lucy, the coin did.

And Crowface was the one who gave the coin to Trinity, and that meant...

Crowface killed Lucy...with the coin.

Out of nowhere, Finch dropped the article and started crying uncontrollably. She couldn't believe that her cousin was dead because of that crow monster. Her poor, innocent little cousin is dead because of the stupid coins and Crowface.

Just then, Trinity walked back in, and she was surprised to see the girl scout crying.

"Finch?", she said. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Finch didn't answer, she just ran to Trinity, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

Trinity was shocked for a moment, but decided not to question it. She wrapped her arms around Finch, letting her bury her face in her shoulder.

Whatever this was about, Trinity thought she'd talk to her when Finch wanted to talk about whatever made her sad.

[casspurrjoybell-19]

TORN - Chapter 9

*Warning: Adult Content*   

"Five pairs of shorts, check... Swimming clothes, check..." Berlin Cahill rattled off his packing list for at least the fifth time, making sure that everything was neatly organized and packed in their designated places for his luggage. 

After making sure that everything was set and in place, he sits on top of the overstuffed suitcase in order to zip them closed. 

He looks upon the suitcase he'd conquered with a feeling of victory, patting himself on the back mentally before collapsing onto the bed. 

He heaves out a sigh as he closes his eyes, turning to bury the side of his face into the mattress. 

His eyes are drooping in exhaustion but he fights off sleep, remembering that his friends, ones that he'd miraculously made in the past week, assured him that he'd be able to sleep on the bus ride to the retreat. 

The retreat is supposed to be a bonding trip, announced after the rogue attack. 

Apparently, they thought it would be helpful for the bonding the two packs as well as relieve stress from the attack. 

Berlin sighed as he laid on top of his duvet, allowing his mind to wander for a moment.

‘When is Max going to get here?’ he wonders, silently counting off the days in his head. 

It'd been a week and a half since they met in the Goddess's afterlife and Berlin wonders how long it would take for him to follow through with his plan and come back. 

Berlin had been waking every morning, wracked with anticipation as he hoped that today was the day, only for the sun to set every evening without a trace of his Mate. 

Berlin sighs softly, blowing a strand of blonde hair off of his face before suddenly being abruptly pulled from his thoughts. 

"Berlin," squealed three loud voices as they burst into his room, jumping up and down in excitement and slamming the door loudly behind them. 

Berlin jumps up at the sight of them before smiling timidly and waving as they approached his spot on the bed.

"Hey," he giggled, standing up and hugging each of the girls in front of him who've become his best friends over the past couple of days. 

He was really happy that he'd met them and even happier as they took him under their wing so quickly. 

It had been notoriously hard for Berlin to make friends throughout his life in his previous pack, given his status, so having real friends was a welcome change. 

Hannah, Brook and Callie were their names and all three of them are taller than Berlin and they made sure that he knew it.

"Come on short stuff, we already saved you a seat on the bus," Hannah exclaimed, grabbing his arm and trying to yank him out of the room.

"Also one for the Alpha," Callie added with a frustrated sigh, pulling her red hair over one shoulder before linking arms with Berlin on the opposite side of Brook. 

He blushes at the mention of Oasis, a thin smile stretched across his lips, not quite meeting his eyes. 

He’d tried to avoid him over the past few days but Oasis was having none of it, finding his mate in the pack house whenever he was freed of his Alpha duties. 

Berlin was cordial with him, not wanting him to become suspicious of the fact that he was trying to keep his distance from him romantically. 

‘I don't want him to be hurt when Max came back.’

Berlin giggled as he took in the sight of Hannah struggling with his large suitcase and Brook rolling her eyes at Callie's words while they practically manhandled their young friend towards the door.

"I don't understand why he's so protective of you. Yeah, it's adorable sometimes but like, he's obsessed," she blanched as she finally got the suitcase to cooperate, pulling it up beside them while Berlin laughed softly at her words. 

Although he'd never admit it aloud, Berlin didn't mind the way Oasis was so protective over him. 

He freaks out when he doesn't know where his Mate is, constantly asking him what he can do for him and making sure that Berlin reeks of his scent every moment. 

He says that it's ‘for my own good’ and his friends find it annoying but Berlin doesn't mind too much.

‘It reminds me of Max.’

"It's alright. I'll mostly be sleeping on the drive there, so..." Berlin mutters, staring at his feet as Brook opens the door to his room. 

He felt all three of them jump just as it creaked open. 

‘What the heck... Oh.’

There stood Alpha Oasis Amador in all of his glory, arms crossed against his bare chest, his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his eyes cold and hard as he glares at the girls. 

"May I ask what you are doing with my Mate? In his room, alone?" Oasis immediately growls out, reaching to grab Berlin from the girls' grip and cage him to his sweaty chest. 

Berlin yelps out, pressing against him to try to get away from his ridiculously tight grip but it only caused Oasis to tighten his arms even more.

"Oh, h-hi A-alpha..." Hannah stuttered out, not sounding like the confident girl that Berlin knows her to be but more like himself, being the timid person he is. 

"Answer my question or I will tear out your fucking jugular," he growls out once again, pushing Berlin behind him before he could explain the situation fully. 

Berlin is sure Oasis assumes the worst and his Wolf probably made him jump to ridiculous conclusions, as the sight of three girls coming out of a closed bedroom with Berlin probably made his overprotective nature flare, no matter how obvious it is that he is completely and utterly, homosexual.

Either way, Berlin couldn't sit and watch him yell at his new friends. 

He’d just gotten them and he didn't want to lose them right after because they were scared of making his touchy Mate angry.

"Osias?" Berlin asks, tapping Oasis’ back gently with him finger with the hopes of getting his attention. 

He continues to growl at Berlin’s friends, ignoring him completely. 

The young man sighs, deciding it was time to up the ante if he wants Oasis to stop harassing them because of his anger issues.

“Osias." Berlin yells, stepping in front of his Mate with his hands on his slender hips, making his eyes as steely as he can, even though he probably only succeeded in looking like some kind of ferocious puppy. 

‘Goddess, please let this work.’

Oasis still heaved with anger but paused, looking down at his Mate. 

Berlin gave himself a silent pat on the back at his triumph, suppressing his instinct to roll over and show his belly under Oasis’ incredibly intense Alpha gaze. 

The flecks of gold in his eyes told Berlin that his Wolf, York, was close to surfacing.

"Osias... Please, calm down," Berlin spoke, trying to keep his knees from buckling, his voice dripping with honey as he slowly took steps closer to him to place his small hands against his large, tanned pecs. 

Hannah, Callie and Brook are frozen in their spots, staring as Berlin worked his magic. 

Leaning up on his tippy-toes, Berlin put his lips to Oasis’ ear and trails his hands slowly down to trace the hem of his mates shorts. 

"You know I would never..." 

Berlin felt his Mate’s arms slip around his waist and his lips at his neck at the spot where Max's mark used to be, making the young man shiver at the unforeseen attention. 

Just a little further...

"Please don't be mad. I'll be good," he whispers, giving him his best puppy eyes. 

Berlin feels a shiver go down Oasis’ spine and a growl rip through his chest. 

‘Got him.’

"Shit..." Oasis grumbled, his hands forming into fists before giving the girls one final glare and yanking Berlin against him, rushing towards his bedroom with his Mate in his arms. 

Berlin winks at his three friends over his shoulder, motioning for them to scurry away before Oasis decides to come back for them.

Brook shoots him a double thumbs up and Berlin blushes wildly as she stuck her tongue in her cheek and moved her hand, next to it, symbolizing a... blowjob... before they all ran away, leaving his suitcase in the middle of the hallway. 

He wasn't worried though, no one would mess with it even though it was unattended, knowing Alpha Oasis is his Mate.

‘Now, to deal with an extremely angry Alpha. Oh my Goddess.’

                                               ❦❦❦❦❦

It took about 30 minutes of pushing Oasis off, to get the horny Alpha to abandon the idea that Berlin was going to let him Mate, which was apparently his interpretation of the young man saying ‘I'll be good' and finally he walked off and took a shower. 

Oasis’ incessant growls and the fact that his eyes were swirling with gold tells Berlin that his Mate’s Wolf was on the brink of taking over and he bit his lip as he wondered when Max was going to get here. 

Despite the fact that Berlin trusted Max and knew he was going to come for him, he couldn't get over the feeling that he was betraying him in the interim. 

Berlin couldn't deny that he has feelings for Oasis due to the mating bond but his feelings for Max are so much stronger.

"Baby, come here." 

Oasis holds out his hand to Berlin with a smile as they walked out of the front door of the pack house. 

Berlin nods, quietly setting his hand in Oasis’ and drags his suitcase behind him. 

Outside of the pack-house were ten huge coach busses, onto which the entire pack were boarding. 

A smile broke out on Berlin’s face as he sees his gang of three waving frantically at him from their bus, motioning for him to come and claim the seat that they had saved for him.

"Oasis?" Berlin asks, looking up at him through his eyelashes expectantly.

“Yes?”

"Can we get on that bus with my friends?" he continues, squeezing Oasis’ hand softly in an effort to persuade him.

"No," he deadpanned, pulling his cell-phone out of his back pocket and looking down at it for a moment. 

Berlin was speechless. 

Was he really not going to let him sit with his friends?

“B-but...”

"We're flying," Oasis cut him off. 

"The higher ranks always do. I don't know why your friends thought that there would be some kind of exception," he sneers at the end of his words, leading Berlin to a fancy, black town car that sat waiting in front of all of the busses. 

Berlin felt isolated.

Oasis put their bags into the trunk before he opened the back door and sat, pulling Berlin in beside him, wrapping a strong arm around his slender waist. 

Berlin sighs as he stares out of the window, wondering what his friends were doing without him on the bus.

"To the airport," Oasis instructs to the driver before they pulled away from the pack house.        

                                                   ❦❦❦❦❦

Berlin stretches and yawns as his eyes flutter open, meeting with Oasis' handsome face as he looks straight ahead. 

He was pressed against his Mate’s broad chest as he held him bridal style, walking out of the private airport terminal. 

The plane ride was surprisingly comfortable. 

When they arrived at the departure gate, Berlin was taken aback at the sight of a medium sized private jet with Oasis' last name, Amador, written in detailed letters on the sides. 

The plane itself was beautiful, luxurious and Berlin was able to lay in one of the recliner chairs to doze off and sleep the entire flight. 

He slept like a baby.

Ortiz, who Berlin had come to know as the Beta of the Crescent Moon Pack, was also knocked out in the seat across from him, a line of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and leaving a growing wet mark on his shirt as he slept. 

A woman that Oasis introduced as his assistant, Sam, was on the plane as well. 

She seemed nice enough, if not a little bit quiet as she kept to herself.

"Welcome back, sweetheart," Oasis' voice penetrates Berlin’s sleep as he feels a pressure on his cheek. 

He recognizes the soft contours of his Mate’s lips immediately, subconsciously squirming away from them as he stretches. 

"Hey..." Berlin replies tiredly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a fist. 

"It's time to wake up. We could get you a coffee to wake you up if you'd like." 

Berlin shook his head at the mention of coffee. 

He’d never liked the bitter beverage.

"Or hot chocolate?" Oasis suggests with a smile a moment later as he sees Berlin’s nose scrunch up in distaste. 

His expression brightens at the idea of his favorite drink and he nods with a small smile.

"Yeah," he exclaims as they exit the plane, Oasis taking his hand and calling Beta Ortiz over to the little coffee shop right outside of the airport. 

Berlin casually leans against Oasis' side tiredly as they walk into the cozy little coffee shop with a banner reading 'Welcome to California' overhead.  

The scent of coffee and sugar was almost so overwhelming that it took Berlin a moment before he picked up on a familiar scent. 

He freezes.

He scans the coffee shop frantically, letting go of Oasis' hand as he sniffs, followed the scent to the back of the shop. 

He see the back of his head first and immediately knew that it was him. 

He knew his body like the back of his hand, he'd recognize him anywhere. 

Tears well in his eyes as he smiles, the grin finally reaching his eyes for the first time in months as he breaks into a sprint towards him. 

Berlin knew he'd come.

"Max," he calls out gleefully. 

Berlin couldn't move, breathing in deeply as his scent envelopes him and brings butterflies to life in his stomach. 

He couldn't help the tears that overflowed over his cheeks as Max turns around and lands his gaze directly on Berlin. 

They could've stared at one each other for hours, minutes or even seconds. 

Berlin couldn't tell. 

"Max..." he choked out, not believing his eyes as he smiled through his tears and reached out for him. 

‘He has come back for me. I knew he would... ‘

Berlin is so happy that it takes him a moment to realize that Max wasn't moving, not making one move closer to get to him. 

He had expected to be wrapped up in Max’s arms by now, running off into the sunset to begin their happily-ever-after for the second time.

"Max?..." his tone is hesitant, his tone one of confusion before he freezes, his heart dropping as he takes in his expression. 

Blank. 

Max was looking straight down at Berlin with no emotion present on his face.

All of a sudden he stands up, a cup of coffee in one hand and in the other, the hand of another, petite male. 

Berlin stumbles towards him, his mouth agape as he tries to understand what was going on. 

"Max... Max who is this? What is going on? What..." 

Berlin didn't know where to start, he was too confused. 

Max told him, he would come back, for them to be together. 

If that was the case, why was he standing with another man hanging off of his arm?

Berlin reaches out for him, searching for an answer, for any kind of reaction or sign that this was all a sick joke, that there was an explanation for all of this and he was there for him. 

Berlin wasn't able to touch him however, as the young man hanging off of his shoulder give him a dirty look and shoves him back, causing him to fall back onto his ass. 

Berlin yelps out in pain, looking up at Max to help him but his expression was stone cold. 

Unreadable. 

The small man steps up to Berlin with his hands on his slender hips, the same dirty look on his face before he sneered down at him.

"Hey. Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, slut."

[unknownwriting]

ｓｕｍｍａｒｙ- request: prom hc

ｃｈａｒａｃｔｅｒ ｓ- Portgas D. Ace, Sabo, Monkey D. Luffy, Trafalgar Water D. Law

ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ- underage drinking, besides that none :)

ａ/ｎ- so like I’m still a junior so I have no idea what proms like but I mean I seen a very movies sooo...I hope you still enjoy 💕

Unedited

Portgas D. Ace

Definitely the flustered type but he’s so unbelievably sweet about everything.

The classic type tho, showing up to give your roses and meeting your parents. Embarrassing by everything your parents say.

Ace was so sweet that your parents eve joke about y’all getting married and all that. It’s safe to say that the both of y’all left the house redder than the tie Ace was wearing.

As soon as y’all drove off tho, you were in total control of the date. All that Ace knew was what Garp and the others told them, so the rest of the night was all up to you.

Ace looked hella awkward when It came to the party. Ace is all down for a good party but a formal one, so not his thing. So a lot of the night he was following your lead.

Obnoxious eating? Yes. Drinking a lot? Yup. Passing out afterwards and scarring the shit out of the others? Of course, it wouldn’t be a party without it!

Y’all would met up Sabo and his crew and just goofed around for the most part. Sabo joked about y’all being a couple and all that, y’all would sneak off the pull pranks on the teachers, piss of the love-dovey couple, then did it all again

When it came to dancing, you and some other girls would go dancing while Ace and the others watch from the outside. When the slow dance came on you bet your ass your dragging Ace out.

Very lazy slow dancing, your hands wrapped around his neck with your face buried in the crook of it, while Ace’s hands rested on your bottom. y’all would sway back and forwards just embracing each and enjoying the warmth. and then once the song was over, the 2 of y’all would end with a passionate kiss.

The night was a pretty simple night, Ace wasn’t to into the party so he didn’t want to do much. As long as he was with you, he doesn’t care. You didn’t want to stay the whole night either, you just wanted to make your appearance hang out with the others a bit then leave.

Once y’all leave, y’all send the rest of the night as Ace’s place. Watching movies, ruining yalls clothes, then passing out in some tangled position. The drinks, food, and sore muscles is a problem for the morning

Sabo

Prom king and queen hands down. It’s just a known fact. Going with this man means the nights gonna be almost perfect.

Y’all would be the couple that has matching outfits. Like your dress with match Sabo’s blue tie, stuff like that. He would also spoil you as much as he could too when it comes to getting ready, like he’ll pay for you to get your nails and hair done.

And when it comes to the night of the dance he’ll pick you up, give you flowers, talk with your family, take you out to dinner, then y’all will arrive at the yall walk hand in hand to the ball room. As if y’all were royalty. From there on out, y’all let whatever happens.

When y’all arrive, Sabo was quick to find Ace and his date. You know damn well your not gonna enjoy the party without him. You didn’t mind tho, whenever the 2 of them are together crazy stuff always happens.

Not only does Sabo buddy up with Ace most of the night, but Ace is a social guy, having ties with a lot of people. So y’all spend a lot of the time hanging out with other people. Of course Sabo’s not going anyways where without his date. So if your not going Sabo ain’t either.

Not much time is spent on the dance floor because y’all are always with some group of people goofing off and talking. But once the slow dance comes on the 2 of y’all are definitely gonna be floor dancing.

Similarly to Ace, y’all have a very lazy dance style. Your hands around his neck and his hands wrapped around your waist. A few words would be exchanged between y’all but besides that’s y’all just enjoy each other’s embrace.

Y’all do end up staying most of the night. The plan was to leave a little after the slow dance after y’all had finished talking to everyone. Y’all were gonna join Ace and his date do a double movie date at their house. But everyone insisted y’all stay

So y’all end up staying bc luckily enough this is when y’all are named prom king and queen, it’s was mostly sabo who won but everyone still voted you too bc let’s be honest y’all are still a perfect couple.

But after the crowning y’all basically said your thanks you and all that then snuck off with Ace and his date to crash at their place.

It was a very active night with you and sabo talking with everyone and then being named prom king and queen. And as always to end a very active night, the 2 of y’all cuddle in each other arms and just savor the embrace of each other.

Monkey D. Luffy

Very spontaneous with this one. You don’t even know your going with him until like 3 days before. And he didnt event bother to ask you, someone brought up the question in which Luffy answered, “Oh, I’m taking s/o.” Never once did you hear anything about it

But although you had 3 days to buy a dress and schedule hair and make up appointments, you went anyways. A party with Luffy and the Strawhats, no way your were gonna miss out on this.

Now Luffy’s not as romantic as his brothers but he’s knows that he at least has to take you out to dinner, he mostly heard that from Grap and the others. However Garp seemed to forget to see Luffy when. But you got into the car you thought he just simply forgot, but it wouldn’t till after dance would he take you.

The dance it’s was a whole experience. You wouldn’t expect any less tho. With the strawhats involved it always a party that either ends in 2 ways: 1- in disaster or 2- not a planned at all.

To start of with, somehow they were able to find the alcohol?? Which shouldn’t even be on the school grounds?? And they were already drinking it like no tomorrow. Zoro was on his 5th glass already and Nami was in a drinking contest

Brook took control of the Dj booth was just playing songs at random, ‘big green tracker’ by Jason aldean then ‘kiss me more’ by Doja cat, then some classical track

Usopp and Franky were doing god knows what. Something to do with the lightings or something. Making the dance floor much more like a club. Sanji was chancing off a group of girls around the floor, and then finally Robin and Chopper were just in the back enjoying the food

They were all over the place but it’s what makes them the life of the party. Even though they were all over the place and doing their out think, Luffy was jumping around everywhere too but he still knows that y’all are on a date, so where ever he goes you follow behind.

This prom is definitely going down in school history. There is no way that people won’t be talking about it. Anything to do with the Strawhats goes down in history.

Of course unlike the others, y’all end up partying all night long and then crashing at some restaurants Luffy promised he’d take you. Although it wasn’t much of a prom date, you still enjoyed the time you spent with the others. And Luffy made sure to keep you close to his side all night long.

Trafalgar Water D Law

Law was that one cool senior, who had like a cool car and all that. With that being said, you were his 1 year younger lover. So while he doesn’t go to school anymore, he was still your date to prom.

Practically the talk of the school when y’all arrive, not because y’all are still dating but mostly because you were able to keep up with someone like him. With Law being cool he was still kinda a jerk, so having you with him was a relief

So law may be a jerk but he’s is a romantic one at least. Like sabo, he picks you up and gives you a bunch of flowers, he not to social with your parents but they are still cool with him. Then take you out to dinner

At dinner you joke about how he just left high school and now he’s back and how awkward it would be to see his old teachers. Of course, he doesn’t care. Law was more curious to see how the night played out. His senior year he didn’t go to prom so it’s the first with you.

When y’all first get to the party, Law’s pretty much glued to your side. Not because he find it awkward and uncomfortable but he just doesn’t know anyways besides the teachers. So you take him around and introduce him to all your friends.

Whether you introduced a boy or girl, Law kept a hand on you the whole time, almost as a way of saying that your his. This is when you first realized just how intimidating Law is. He really does seem to only have a soft spot for you. So when it come to dancing, Law stood near the wall letting you enjoy the dance floor with your friends without him.

He made sure to scare of any boy who got to close tho, as he watched you with such an intense gaze. However once the slow dance come on that all changed. You dragged Law out to the dance floor where y’all were both surrounded by a bunch of other couples.

Surprisingly for how much Law doesn’t say he’s not a good dancer he was amazing when it came to the slow dance. He was such a passionate dancing too, but so much love in the dance. With y’all’s hands intertwined and his hands resting on your hip and yours on his shoulder, the 2 of y’all swayed back and forward.

However once the slower dance was over, y’all really had no other reason to stay. So you law and a few other friends snuck out and just crashed at some bar where y’all celebrated both prom and graduation that was coming up soon.

Although Law already graduated, he would never miss an opportunity to share a drink and few heated kisses between his tipsy lover.

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Back to You - Part 2

summary: you’re consulting on a case with reid when he introduces you to his boss, aka, your high school best friend and the love of your life who previously chose haley over you.

pairing: fem!reader x hotch

warnings: angst, gets a little pg 13 here

AN: making this for sure four parter! this is mostly a flashback, hopefully this isn’t confusing with how i wrote it. also still on my phone so…

word count: 2.2k

read part 1: here.

“Hotchner and I met the second semester of my sophomore year and his junior year in introduction to psychology..." You begin and the entire story of you and Hotch spills out before the two of you.

It had been love at first sight for you. You looked up into those big brown eyes after he picked up a book you dropped and from that moment you were his. You'd always thought it come slower for him but unbeknownst to you, the way your eyes fluttered around his face when you said thank you that day and your surprisingly sultry voice sealed the deal.

From that moment on the two of you were practically inseparable. He came to all your orchestra concerts, you went to all his lacrosse games. You rarely went to his house, though mansion might be a better word for it. It was a cliche, you, the girl on scholarship to Holton-Arms Prep falling in love with the guy who's parents were the top donors.

All of your time together outside of school was spent at your house in your room that was in the attic, the park or the diner down the street that sold pie milkshakes. The two of you would laugh until your stomach’s were sore and crying. He would listen to you rant about your absent mother and you would listen to him complain about his stuffy, uptight parents.

The love between the two of you was known but unspoken. It was implied in the way your eyes held each other, the soft touches, the memorization of each other's orders, and the fact that the two of you were attached at the hip. You had other acquaintances but nothing like the bond you had with each other. Neither of you felt the need to tell the other exactly how you felt. That eventually changed for you. It changed when he met her, Haley Brooks.

He met her at one of his parents' fundraisers and they'd instantly pushed the two together, courting them off like a pair of cattle. He told you about it only once, and that was it. He and Haley were off to Yale in the fall, and their parents insisted they see each other so they'd have someone in their corner.

You couldn't be mad at him, because his love for you hadn't diminished. Nothing changed between the two of you except the amount of time you spent together, though he still prioritized seeing you over anyone else. If anything, his love for you grew stronger and he was trying to prove it without saying it. But when it was finally time for him to go and time for the two of you to be honest he couldn't do it. This would be the downfall of your friendship.

The day of his graduation party you met her. You knew that they were seeing each other but when he introduced her as his girlfriend you felt like you couldn't breathe. His parents looked at you disapprovingly and after that night you started to pull away. He was going on a family trip for a couple of weeks anyway so it was easy. He called you every day but you said you were busy most of the time to avoid him. It was working well but he came to see you as soon as he got home and things fell apart.

It was late, around 1 a.m. when you heard the familiar tap on your attic window. You turn over to see who it is though you know who it is. He's pushing his floppy brown hair out of his face, a wide smile on his lips as your eyes meet. His grin is infectious as you unlock the window and let him through.

His arms come to circle you immediately and you bury your face into his neck. He smells like clean laundry and aftershave, a scent you knew well. You pull back, guiding the both of you to your bed. The two of you prop yourselves up on your elbows as he tells you about his trip.

"I got you something." The shy smile that graced his lips so much in the beginning of your friendship is on his face.

"Me?" You point to yourself, eyes wide.

"Yeah, you, who else?"

"You know who else." You grumble, and his face falls for a moment.

"Don't do that. It's just me and you right now Y/n/n." His calloused hand, rough from lacrosse, caresses your cheek for a moment before he reaches into his back pocket. He hands you a baby blue velvet box. "Here."

You prop yourself up so you're sitting with your legs crossed and he mirrors you movements. When you open the box there's a heart shaped locket. On the inside of it is two pictures of the two of you; one in the diner and one of you laying in your bed, your head on his chest. "It's beautiful."

"I got a matching pocket watch." He says with a smile as he fishes it out of his pocket. "The locket fits into it." He shows you how the locket fits into the heart shaped divets of the gold pocket watch.

Your heart flutters in your chest as the sentiment. "It's perfect, Hotchner."

"So now, even when I'm away, we'll always be together."

You're leaning in to kiss him before you can stop yourself and when your lips meet his the dam of desire between the you breaks. His tongue invades your mouth and he nestles his body between your thighs as the two of you fall back into your bed. He continues to kiss you greedily as he presses his erection into your core in the perfect way. You’d thought about him like this more times than you’d like to admit. You couldn’t believe that this was happening, that he was really against you like this. He was so warm and soft and strong. Intoxicating.

"Aaron." You whimper into his mouth as the ache grows between your thighs. It's the first time his name has ever graced your lips.

"I like the way my name sounds on your tongue." He says softly as his kisses trail down your throat. He takes his time and you wonder if he's giving you a hickey. Before you can ask his mouth is back on yours, claiming you as your tongues move against one another’s.

"Aaron, I think I love you. Really love you."

Your words stop him in his tracks and you immediately know you've done the wrong thing by vocalizing this. You'd broken an unspoken rule. Saying it made the love real and now everything is different.

He pushes himself off of you, sitting up straight in your bed. "Y/n/n, it's not that I don't feel a way about you, I do. You know that I do."

"But you have her. I get it, I shouldn't have said said it, I’m sorry.

"We had sex." His voice is barely above a whisper.

"Oh." You try to keep your voice level but it feels like you’ve been punched in the throat.

"And I told her that I...that I love her." The words barely make it out of his mouth and though it's the quietest sentence he's ever said to you, it rings in your ears like a bomb has gone off.

"Oh." Your composure cracks and you sit up next to him, looking anywhere but at him.

"Y/n." He takes left hand into his and you look down at your hands together. In this moment you wish you would've held his hand more often but you couldn't have predicted that you'd lose him forever today.

"It's late, you should go." You pull your hand from his.

"Y/n/n, please. Can you look at me?" He asks and you do.

You look up into those big brown eyes that look black in sliver of moonlight that's pouring into your room. You study him thoroughly one last time. You linger on his bushy eyebrows, the dips in his cheeks where his dimples live, and his ever so soft mouth that you finally got to feel against your own.

"I don't want your parents to look for you and find you here, you know they'd be displeased." Your voice is melancholic but firm.

"Can we talk about this?" He begs, one of his hands coming up to run his finger over your bottom lip.

Shaking your head you remove his hand from your face. "There's nothing to talk about, Hotchner, we both know the facts. You've said it to her and you can't say it to me."

"The way I feel about you Y/n/n, it's unnatural."

"Which is why you have to go." You climb off the bed and towards the window. "You should take this." You hold the locket out for him and he shakes his head.

"I got that for you. For us." He looks and sounds offended, his eyebrows bunched together like they do when he's frustrated.

You take a deep breath in preparation for what you’re about to say. "There is no us."

He looks at you like you’ve just punched him in the face. "How could you say that to me after everything?"

"I don't think we should see each other again."

"That's ridiculous, and it's not happening." He says matter of factly but it was time.

It was time for this to end, it didn’t make sense anymore.

"You leave for Yale in a month and half, there's no point in drawing this out." You say between sniffles, trying so desperately to keep the tears in but failing.

"What happened to our plan? I visit on the weekends once a month, and the holidays, and I'd come back for your birthday. We had a plan, you can't just void the plan." He pushes, tears staining his cheeks.

"She'd want to come with you every time now that you’re…it doesn't make sense. Us being friends, it doesn't make sense anymore."

"So that's it, we just pretend like none of this ever happened? We just forget everything?”

"I could never forget a moment I've spent with you, but I can't spend anymore. Not when you won't choose me, it would hurt too much, do you understand?"

"I understand." He nods, wiping his tears from his face. "I know I don't deserve to ask you for anything but will you keep it?" He looks down at the locket.

Unable to say no to him you nod. “Sure."

"Can I hold you one more time?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, I don't know if I'll be able to let go."

"Alright." He takes a step toward you and you instinctively take a step back. He doesn't stop though, moving toward you to place the most tender kiss on your cheek. "I'm sorry I ruined everything."

You stare at the floor until he's out the window and once you're sure he won't hear you say, "Not sorry enough."

"That sounds incredibly heartbreaking." Dr. Reid's voice pulls you back to the present and you blink your eyes rapidly as you realize just how deeply you were reliving the memory.

"It was. It is." You take a deep breath. "I don't know how 17 year old me handled all those emotions.”

"Well we can consult as quickly as possible and I'll get you out of here so you don't have to see him again."

"Thank you, Dr. Reid, that means a lot. You're being so kind to me and we don't even know each other."

"Call me Spencer. There’s almost a sense of familiarity with you that I've gotten through interaction with Hotch."

"What do you mean?" You fidget, rubbing your fingers together at your side.

"He fidgets like you, and the two of you structure your sentences similarly. Now I understand why he goes by Hotch. He isn't a trusting person, if he trusts you, then you're worthy of my trust too." He says, a kind smile on his face.

“He only goes by Hotch?”

“He tries to. It’s subtle but he almost flinches whenever someone says his last name, I always thought it was weird.”

“Oh.” You murmur so softly that you barely hear it.

Spencer changes the subject. "Do you want to get out of here? There's this place that serves the best pie milkshakes. Hotch makes us go there whenever we have a case in town or have a night out.”

"Pie milkshakes? Like with the pie in them?"

"Yeah. Does that mean something to you?" His eyebrows knit together.

"Pumpkin pie and peach pie milkshakes were all we ordered at the small diner down the street from my house." You explain and the smile on his face widens.

"He alternates. It’s the only thing I really ever see him eat on the job, even when we’re out of town.”

This information is too much for you. Knowing that Hotchner does all of these things but didn’t choose you hurts. Why did he have to keep parts of you alive for him? Why didn’t he just let all of you go? It would hurt less if he would have.

"I think we do need to get out of here, I can't face him, not again." You stand and so does Spencer.

"Let's go."

read part 3: here.

tagged: @ssa-hotchswhore, @hotchwhore15, @ssahotchie, @azenpal

[the-modernmary]

you’ll always know me || aaron hotchner x reader

Summary: "I would have stayed... If you asked me to.

After your high school graduation, you left without saying goodbye to Aaron Hotchner, your best friend, and nobody had heard from you since. Years later, you're back in DC, and catching up with Aaron brings more than you could have possibly hoped for.

Warnings: mentions of weed

A/N: I really wanted some soft Hotch content in my life after all the angst in my best habit, and this is about as soft as I can get. Inspired by Taylor Swift's "dorothea". Honestly, I was listening to evermore, blacked out for about three hours, and this is what came from that. There is no other explanation for this. It's written differently than my usual style, but I hope y'all like it still!

read on ao3 || masterlist

~~~~~~~

“What’s got you in such a rush?”

  Rossi eyes Aaron carefully as the latter circles around his office, double and triple-checking that he didn’t forget anything. The last thing he wants is to have to come back to the office and cut his day short.

  Aaron shoves a few case files in his briefcase. “An old friend from high school is in town and I’m meeting up with her.”

  Rossi perks up at the word ‘her’ and he leans against the door frame. Aaron notices this, too, because he shakes his head quickly. “It’s not like that. We both got sent to boarding school for being problem children and we became quick friends. I haven’t talked to her since graduation. She just packed up her stuff and left the very next day.”

“You sound bitter,” Rossi points out.

  “Not at all,” he lies, trying to forget the hurt of running to your dorm for your weekly breakfast together, only to be met with an empty room and a singular polaroid. “I knew she hated it there and her goal was to travel and see as many places as she could. Honestly, I’m surprised she’s back stateside at all. Last I heard, she was doing some art apprenticeship in Italy, but that was years ago.”

  “You sound like you have a long evening ahead of you, so I’ll get out of your hair. And have some fun tonight, Aaron. You deserve it,” Rossi adds on as an afterthought. 

  The corners of Aaron's mouth lift slightly. “I will. Try not to let the building burn down while I’m gone. Reid is back on his physics magic kick, and I think I heard something about a lighter.”

  Rossi gives Aaron a two-finger, half-hearted salute in acknowledgment, which is all it takes for Aaron to shut his office door and head towards the elevator. Knowing that you’re just outside, he has to make a conscious effort to slow his pace from an excited jog to just an anxious speed walk. The elevator ride is slow, seemingly stopping at every single floor on the way down, which gives his mind ample time to wander and think back to graduation day.

  “There you are!” Aaron shouts from across the football field as he runs up to you, shoving through bustling groups of families trying to take pictures. He has so many stoles and cords and leis around his neck that you can barely see the suit he’s wearing underneath his gown. It’s a stark contrast to you, with only a singular chord for academic achievement, although a 3.2 wasn’t much of an achievement in the eyes of most people at boarding school.

  “Here I am!” you laugh, throwing your arms around him in a hug and breathing in the smell of his cologne.

  “Where’re your parents? Didn’t they come?”

  “Of course they didn’t. They’re not ones for celebrating something as trivial as high school graduation, not when it’s just expected of me.” You roll your eyes. “What about you? I thought you and Haley were going to do the whole ‘meet the family’ thing today?”

  Aaron is oblivious to the bitterness in your voice, although that’s nothing new. “We are, but I just wanted to give these to you.” It’s then that you notice the bouquet of flowers in his hand, although it’s now being pressed into your arms. “As a congrats. And a thank you for being there for me this whole time. You’re my best friend.”

  You try to ignore the ache in your chest at his words. “Thank you, Aaron. I… I didn’t get you anything, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he waves it off. “If you want to get me something, breakfast is your treat tomorrow.”

  “Okay, deal,” you agree, the smile coming back to your face. Selfishly, you don’t want him to go back to Haley or his family just yet. You want him to stay there with you so you don’t feel so lonely in the crowd of happy graduates. “God, I can’t believe you’re staying in D.C. for college. We always talked about getting out, seeing the world and never coming back.”

  Aaron shrugs, and you watch as he brushes away a piece of his hair that falls into his face. “I’m hoping that going to GW for undergrad will make it easier to get into law school there.”

  “And Haley Brooks is still here for another year,” you point out, half accusatory.

  “Yeah, that, too.” Aaron chuckles uncomfortably before quickly switching the conversation. “What about you? Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

  “There’s an art school in Glasgow I’m thinking of going to. But, you know… George Washington also has an art program. It’s pretty nice, too. I’m still deciding.” You trail off, looking straight into Aaron’s eyes, giving him every chance in the world to make the decision for you.

  Aaron hesitates, fighting an internal battle. “Go to Glasgow!” he says, fake enthusiasm in his voice, but your disappointment blocks out anything but his actual words. “Then I’ll have an excuse to visit Scotland.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was leaning towards, too,” you lie. “Aaron, I—”

  You’re cut off by a voice calling his name. You both turn around to see Haley Brooks waving him over, her other hand holding 7-year-old Sean’s hand. She looks like spring personified, her blonde hair in bouncy curls and her pink sundress swishing around her long, slender legs. Her smile is so big that it could have parted storm clouds, and you want nothing more than to hate her with every single fiber of your being.

  But then you see Aaron, returning her megawatt smile with his own, one you rarely ever saw, and how can you hate somebody who makes him so happy?

  “I have to go, I’m sorry,” he says, although there’s not even a hint of regret in his voice. “But I’ll see you for one last Sunday breakfast tomorrow?”

  “I’ll see you then,” you lied.

  How Aaron could have missed the signs of your unhappiness, he’ll never know. At that time, all he knew was that you left without ever saying goodbye, leaving behind only a polaroid of the two of you from your weekend trip to Virginia Beach, both of you drunk and laughing with your arms wrapped around each other. He still has it, buried in his nightstand somewhere, but he hasn’t had the courage to look at it for a few years now.

  As Aaron steps out of the FBI building, he recognizes you instantly, even though it’s only the back of your head, and it causes his breath to catch in his throat. He calls your name and watches as you turn around, your hair whipping around you, and the fact that you still have that same mischievous glint in your eyes is enough to make him feel like he’s sixteen again and nervously skipping class with you holding his hand and pulling him towards the school gates.

  “Aaron!” You jog up to him and throw your arms around him in a hug, which he happily reciprocates. You press a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling away, and Aaron’s entire face burns.

  You keep your hands on his biceps, holding him at arm’s length, as you study him. He looks almost exactly the same as he did all those years ago, with soft hair and the slightest bit of stubble, but he looks less carefree. He seems more mature, like life had aged him 100 years. Still, as cute as high school Aaron was, it had nothing on how good he looks now. “Look at you, Mr. FBI, all suit and corporate-looking! I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Yeah, I guess I’ve changed quite a bit,” he admits, and the sight of his dimples makes you want to melt right there into the sidewalk. “It’s really good to see you again. I’ve missed you.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you barely thought about me,” you joke, but hurt flashes through your eyes.

  Aaron wants to argue, to tell you that he thinks about you all the time, but decides against it. He doesn’t want to spend the precious few hours he has with you bringing up old issues. “Are you hungry? Because there’s this diner a few blocks down with giant milkshakes.”

  “Why are we still standing here, then? All you had to say was milkshakes, they’re my favorite.”

  “I know. I remember,” he says, and that all-too-familiar pang in your heart comes back like it had never left. “Come on, we can walk and cut through a park.”

  The two of you start your walk in comfortable silence, listening to the bustling city around you. Every once in a while, your hands would bump into his, and you were doing everything you could to ignore it.

  “So did you ever go to that art school?” he asks suddenly, looking over at you.

  You nod, a soft smile forming on your face. “I did. You were right, I loved Scotland.”

  “Where did you go after that? Nobody heard from you.”

  Your eyes sparkle as memories of your life the past few years flash through your mind. “Everywhere. Literally. I took a bunch of odd jobs and spent my time traveling,” you admitted. “I taught English in Vietnam for a year, worked on a cruise ship that went around South America, was an au pair for a French ambassador, went on research expeditions… Even dated a pilot for all of six months. Anything I could do that would let me see the world.” You laugh to yourself, shaking your head fondly. “I really put that private boarding school tuition to good use, huh? My parents were pissed.”

  “It sounds like you were living the life you dreamed of,” Aaron says softly, looking down at you.

  “It was,” you agree, your voice a little sad.

  “So then why are you back here in DC?”

  You shrug, your hands clasped behind your back, and you step down on a particularly crunchy leaf. “I’m just passing through. I’ve been going around the US and looking for a place to settle down. Finally. Figured I might as well put that art degree to good use. Maybe I’ll open a gallery or something.”

  Aaron nods slowly as the chill of autumn runs through his bones. It’s nice, though, in a weird way. He’s always preferred the fall over spring. “Where have you looked so far?”

  “Lots of places. San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, San Antonio, Miami… I’m heading up to New York next. Nothing’s felt right so far. But enough about me, how are you? I heard you married Haley Brooks.”

  That same bitterness you felt in high school when you talked about Haley comes back with a vengeance. It’s unfair, and you know that. How was Aaron supposed to know that you were practically in love with him in high school if you never told him? Even now, you’re sure that he hasn’t put together the pieces.

  You watch as his gaze falls slightly. “I did. She died a few years ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” you whisper, and you reach out to give his hand a small squeeze.

  “We got divorced a little while before it happened,” he explains, unsure why it’s so important to him that you know that. “I blamed myself for it for a long time. But I’ve, uh… I’ve made peace with it now.”

  You give him a comforting smile, fully aware of the fact that you’re still holding his hand. “Aaron Hotchner, making peace with something in his life? I never thought I’d see the day.”

  Aaron chuckles and bumps his shoulder to yours. “I’ve been known to do it a few times. But only a few. Haley and I have a son, though. His name is Jack. He’s 8 now.”

  You shake your head in disbelief, and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. “And you’re a father? Wow, you really have changed.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” he asks, and you shake your head wordlessly.

  “I like every version of Aaron Hotchner,” you promise. “Besides, change is a good thing. Especially since this city hasn’t changed a bit.”

  Aaron looks around, eyebrows furrowed, like he’s seeing DC for the very first time. “It’s actually changed quite a bit. But it’s subtle. Only people who have been here as long as I have would even notice it, probably.”

  The words cut through you both as a painful reminder of your abrupt departure from DC, and the silence settles over the two of you like a thick fog. This conversation was going to have to happen no matter what, you knew that going into this meeting with Aaron, but you didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

  “I would have stayed,” you whisper, your voice barely audible. “If you asked me to.”

  Aaron shakes his head as his Adam’s apple bobs. “I thought about it. But I couldn’t do that to you. I knew you wanted to see the world, and you said it yourself. This city had nothing left to offer you.”

  You pause, rubbing your thumb over your fingertips with your freehand. “It had you,” you reply, and Aaron feels like he was just stabbed in the heart. “That would have been enough.” Seeing Aaron’s dejected face, you quickly keep talking. “But I get it, don’t worry. You were head over heels for Haley Brooks. Everybody knew you two were meant to be together.””

  “What does that have to do with you leaving?” he asks, more accusatory than he intended.

  “Everything.”

  Aaron breathes out your name, unsure of what to say until he settles on: “I’m sorry.”

  You wave him off, forcing a laugh. “Don’t be. I was 17 years old with a crush. We do stupid things, like want to stay at home for a boy. I’m glad I left. Besides, Haley Brooks was clearly the love of your life, and far be it from me to try and break up the golden couple.”

  The two of you stop in front of the diner and you drop Aaron’s hand, much to his disappointment, although you’re still close enough to him to see your reflection in his brown eyes. “I didn’t know you felt like that about me,” he says.

  “Which is surprising, because everybody else definitely knew. But you’ve always been a little clueless when it comes to stuff like that,” you tease, flashing him a toothy smile. “But it’s in the past. So come on, I want to hear about this FBI stuff and drink a milkshake so big it makes my stomach hurt.”

  Twenty minutes later, you and Aaron find yourselves smushed together in a corner booth covered in cheap vinyl, splitting a chocolate milkshake and laughing as you stroll down memory lane. 

  “You know, I ran into Stephen yesterday! A little coffee shop not too far from here,” you tell Aaron.

  Aaron almost drops the fry he was about to eat. “Do you mean Stoner Stephen? What is he doing back here?”

  You take a sip of the milkshake, and Aaron’s gaze is intense as you wrap your lips around the straw. When you pull back, he’s still staring at the soft pink your lipstick leaves behind. “Apparently, he’s lived here for years. Also, did you know he’s crazy smart? Like… graduated 4th in our class, went to Brown undergrad and Columbia graduate, smart.”

  Aaron’s eyes go wide in disbelief. “And this is the same guy who, completely sober, tried putting his mattress in the pool so that he didn’t have to sleep in his own dorm?”

  “The very same one. He’s like a lobbyist now or something for some activist group.”

  “Wow, I did not expect that. Do you remember when he got so high that he thought his joint was going to catch the dorms on fire?” Aaron asks, the words barely discernible through his laughter. “So he warned campus police that the whole school was going to burn down.”

  “Yes!” you giggle, your head thrown back in laughter. “They thought it was an arson threat and they had to evacuate the whole school. I was taking an English final during that.”

  Aaron’s shoulder pressing against yours makes a shiver run down your spine. You idly wonder how much closer he can get to you if he really tried.

  As if reading your mind, Aaron turns towards you a little more so that your knees are touching and you can feel his breath on the side of your neck. “We went to the beach that weekend,” he says quietly, unwilling to break eye contact with you. “Drank cheap beer. You got stung by a jellyfish. I had to carry you back to the car.”

  No, no. You were not about to fall for Aaron Hotchner’s charm again that easily. Not again. It took you too long to get over him the first time. Still, you were leaning closer to Aaron, and Aaron was leaning in towards you, and your noses brushed as you tilt your head to the side ever so slightly and—

  And his phone rings. Aaron’s eyes flickered to your lips one last time before pulling away, giving you an apologetic look.

  “Hotchner,” he answers, and you pull your coat tighter around yourself as realization sinks into you. You feel like you’re 17 again, desperately waiting for Aaron to ask you to prom, only to hide in your dorm for days on end when he asked Haley Brooks.

  When Aaron hangs up, he immediately reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet, setting enough cash on the table to cover the tab and tip. “That was work. We have to fly out to Arizona. I’m sorry.”

  You nod understandingly. “Gotta catch the bad guys. When do you leave?”

  It’s silent for a few torturous moments before he finally answers. “An hour, at most. We brief at the office and then get on the plane.”

  “Wow,” you breathe. “You weren’t kidding when you said that you live out of your suitcase. Can I walk back with you, at least?”

  Aaron smiles, a small smile that makes you wonder how often he actually smiles now. It used to be a lot, but from what he’s told you, it seems like he’s had a rough go of it the last couple of years, and has a lot less to smile about. It makes you sad because when you were traveling the world, his smile was the one thing you missed the most.

  “I’d really like that.”

  The two of you make small talk on the way back, swapping stories about Jack and your various adventures around the globe. The autumn air is crisp with leaves falling all around you. At one point, there was a big gust of wind, and leaves and pine needles got blown onto the two of you, and you took your sweet time running your fingers through his hair, bushing it all off him. 

  When you get to the entrance of the FBI building, neither one of you says anything. You just stand there, both unwilling to say goodbye. You turn to face each other, just as close as you were in the diner booth.

  “Oh, you have a…” Aaron delicately reaches his hand to your hair. His fingers in your hair make your stomach do flips, and you’re almost positive he can hear your racing heartbeat. His eyes stay trained on yours the entire time, never blinking. “Pine needle,” he whispers, holding the offending object between his fingers.

  “Thanks,” you breathe, and you’re not sure if it’s the autumn chill or his hand reaching to cup your cheek that sends goosebumps throughout your body.

  As if he were magnetic, you rise onto your toes, bringing yourself closer to him, and you press your lips against his. Aaron deepens the kiss and runs his thumb across your cheekbone. His other hand wraps itself around your waist. The kiss is slow and sensual and better than anything you could have dreamed of — and you dream of Aaron kissing you more often than you’d like to admit.

  All too soon, the two of you pull away from each other, both wearing matching smiles.

  “I should probably… get in there… before my team sends out a search party,” Aaron says reluctantly, pointing towards the entrance. 

  You give his hand a soft squeeze. “Go save lives. I’ll probably be around for a few more days before heading up to New York. If you’re back by then.”

  Aaron purses his lips, deep in thought. “You’re definitely settling down somewhere? Done with seeing the world?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Have you… Do you think…” Aaron takes a grounding breath, trying to gather the words he was too afraid to ask back at graduation. “Have you ever considered settling down here? There’s a pretty big art community here.”

  You shrug, ignoring excitement building in your chest. “I think my work is a little too experimental for the people of the capitol.”

  “You’d be surprised,” he chuckles.

  You bring your lower lip between your teeth, chewing nervously at it. “I don’t know… I left for a reason. I just don’t know what DC has to offer me anymore.”

  Aaron spreads his arms out at his side, palms facing you in an uncharacteristic display of vulnerability. “There’s me,” he offers, and, when your eyes go wide, he adds, “And Stoner Stephen, if I’m not enough.”

  A laugh bursts out of you uncontrollably, which seems to put both you and Aaron at ease. “That makes it a very tempting offer,” you tease.

  “And I have a coworker who flips houses. He’ll be able to tell you where to get the best deal on an apartment,” Aaron presses as if you need any more convincing. As if your mind isn’t already made up.

  “First, I need to know that there’s more than one good place to get milkshakes,” you point out, shoving your hands in your coat pockets. “You’ll have to show me around when you get back.”

  Aaron’s lips quirk up in a hopeful smile. “It’s a date.”

  He makes his way towards the entrance of the Hoover Building, but you call out his name, stopping him once more. “We’ll also need a new Sunday breakfast place. Since our old one is closed down.”

  Now, his smile is one of pure joy, and his eyes are sparkling in a way you haven’t seen in years. “I know just the place. As long as you don’t up and leave without telling me again.”

  “Never again,” you promise, and for once, the idea of staying doesn’t terrify you.

  “Then we’ll get breakfast together as soon as I get back.”

  You smile at him, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours. “I’ll see you then.”

[auroracalisto]

oh god, i want to feel again

summary: using the prompt “stay alive for me.” from this list here.  the reader is the only other survivor from their little friend group, save for brooke.  all alone with friends who truly couldn’t care about her, she finds herself back at camp redwood.

pairing: xavier x reader

word count: 2.4k words

warnings: death, dead body mentions, no important deaths, mentions of suicidal thoughts, implied depression, implied anxiety, shitty friends

a/n: i love 1984 so much.  like.  stop me from writing about it.  please.  i loved writing every word for this.  also like????  don’t ask about the title.  i realize the sentence prompt has nothing to to with sleeping at last’s touch but it’s fine.  it’s fine.

You never should have let your friends talk you into going back to Camp Redwood.  And yet, you stood near them as the fawned over the scenery.  You couldn’t help but notice that it really was a beautiful place—it was just as beautiful as it had been when you had been there last.  But this place made you more nervous than you would like to admit.  Just thinking about everything that had happened made you want to cry.  But your friends told you they would be quick.  They just wanted to take a look around, maybe check out the cabins. 

However, you knew better.  Going to Camp Redwood was never something good.  Coming back to the damned place was a death wish—and your past self would have hit you for being so stupid to come back.

It had only taken an hour for your friends to leave your side.  But you weren’t surprised.  They were never really good “friends.”  In fact, the closest one to you out of the group once told you that the others were only friends with you for publicity.  Being the only other survivor out of your friends, save for Brooke, you were like a little legend in your town.  You knew it hadn’t been Brooke.  But it was your word against everything. 

You missed her.  She had been a good friend.  All of your friends had been.  Chet, Ray, Montana.  And Xavier.  Oh, God, did you miss Xavier.

There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t think of the blonde haired jazzercise instructor.  It hurt your heart to know that he was gone forever, taken by the very thing that made your “friends” fangirl.  On your way up to the camp, you swore you heard them talking about the Night Stalker.  It sent you into a memory that you couldn’t stand remembering.  Perhaps you should have just asked them to drop you off at the gas station and then pick you up later.  It would have been easier that way. 

It was 1987.  Three years after the massacre of your friends, and three years after you barely made it out of Camp Redwood alive. 

You found yourself sitting on the edge of the dock, staring out at the lake.  The water was dark and murky—not how you remembered.  But it had been quite a few years since you were last here.  You didn’t know what else could have happened.  You took in a deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut. 

You wanted to leave.  That was the first thing that came to mind.  Just moments after the thought ran through your head, you felt something brush against your foot. 

Your heart leapt to your throat.

Scrambling to your feet, and suppressing your scream, you looked down at the water and saw a bloated body.  They had obviously been in the water for some time.  You took a couple steps back, your hands gripping at your shirt.  But that’s when you saw it.  A flash of two blonde heads in the corner of your eye, standing by one of the cabins.  None of your friends were blonde. 

You blinked and almost thought that you were just crazy—but then you saw it.  That outfit.  The blues and whites and that signature coat.  Were you crazy? 

You didn’t know.  Even so, your feet started moving before you could stop them.  In a matter of seconds, you were running.  Through the mud, through the roots that sprung up from the cold ground, through the tree limbs that continued to snag your shirt.  However, you didn’t care.  If that was who you thought it was, it didn’t matter if you hurt yourself or scratched up your outfit.  It was okay. 

You reached the area you had thought you saw him—the girls’ cabin.  That’s where you had hung out during the short time you were there.  The sight of the log building made you sick to your stomach.  This whole trip made you sick. 

If only you had listened to your gut feeling and passed up your friends invite, then you wouldn’t be standing here, questioning your sanity. 

But then you heard a voice. 

“[Your name]?”

Not just any voice—Xavier’s voice.

You quickly spun around; your eyes were wide.  You saw him standing there, all alone.  He gave you an incredulous look before Xavier wasted no time in rushing over to you.  He wrapped his arms around you, one of his hands resting on the back of your head.

“What—what,” you breathed out, quickly hugging him back.  “What the hell?  You’re dead,” you spoke, burying your face in his chest.  “You’re supposed to be dead.  Why are you here?”

Xavier chuckled softly.  “I’m a ghost, [Your name].”  He slightly pulled back to look down at you.  “God, I never thought I’d see you again.  Why are you here?”

“My… my friends—”

Before you could finish, a scream erupted through the trees, sending birds flying into the blue sky. 

You pulled back, looking over your shoulder.  “My friends brought me here…”

Xavier rose an eyebrow. 

“What’s going on?” you asked, shaking your head.  You paid no mind to the scream—a part of you didn’t care what happened, as awful as that sounded.  The other part of you ached to go and help them, but you couldn’t.  Xavier was standing in front of you.

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“How are you—how are you here?  You’re a ghost...?”

He smiled softly, watching you with an unreadable expression.  “Yes.”

“That’s so vague,” you huffed, noticing a smear of blood on his cheek.  You reached forward, your thumb rubbing it off.  You frowned up at him.  “How the hell are you still here?” you repeated. 

“I don’t know,” he finally admitted.  “All of us.  We’re all here.  Well, save for you and Brooke,” he hesitantly smiled. 

You blinked slowly, furrowing your eyebrows.  “You’re all still here?” you asked, unable to stop your tears from forming.  “Xavier, I—I never thought I’d see you again.  And you’re telling me everyone’s still here?”

“You’re taking this pretty well,” he snorted softly.

“Yeah, well, you would to when you realize that all your friends are still here, and you didn’t watch them all die,” you said, taking in a deep breath. 

“Well, you did—”

“—you know what I mean, Xav.”

The blonde began to smile at you.  “I really never expected to see you again,” he said, giving you another tight hug.  “Why did you come with them…?”

“Closure?” you questioned your own answer, hugging him back.  “A chance to… to come to peace with what happened?”

“You sure as hell aren’t getting that,” he let out a laugh, not stopping himself from kissing the top of your head. 

You froze up, but you never once stopped him. 

“It’s only been three years, X,” you said, closing your eyes.  “I’ve lived… three hell-filled years without you guys.  I miss you so much,” you said.  You swallowed thickly, completely pulling back from the man.  “I… Brooke was sentenced.  They are convinced she did it,” you spoke. 

Xavier pursed his lips, and he took ahold of your hand.  “It’s okay.  It’s not your fault.”

“I… I just… I miss you.  I miss you guys so much, Xavier.  You have no idea.”

“Is that why you came?” Xavier softly asked, looking over you.  “To… be closer?”

Your eyes widened a bit.  You hadn’t thought of it like that.  But maybe, subconsciously, that’s what was going on.  Your mind knew that it was a way to be closer to your friends.  You never expected that you would literally get closer to them, in every way possible. 

“You make a good point,” you said, sniffling softly.

Xavier grinned, leaning forward to cup your cheeks.  “You look hot for a twenty-six-year-old,” he said. 

You slapped his hand away, unable to stop your cheeks from growing warm.  “It’s been three years, not a fucking decade.”

His smile only grew.  “You do, though.”

You sniffled again, looking up at him.  “You… I really never thought I’d see you again.  I can’t believe you’re here, Xav.  I…. It’s so hard to live without you.”

He frowned and leaned forward, kissing your forehead again.  You closed your eyes as his lips lingered. 

“I know.  But you can’t stay here.  There’s nothing here that would support someone who’s alive.  You need to go back home, get back to your life.”

“Xavier, I don’t have a life,” you frowned.  “I work, I come home, and I try to ignore the people who brought me here.”

“So, they’re not your friends?” a female voice came from behind you. 

You quickly spun around, spotting a blood-covered Montana.  You could hardly breathe.  You let go of Xavier and rushed over to the girl, tightly hugging onto her. 

“Oh my God,” you breathed, tears forming in your eyes again.  You silently cursed yourself for your constant waterworks—but your emotions were all over the place. 

“Uh, definitely not God,” she laughed, hugging you back.  “God, [Your name], why the hell are you here?  You look hot,” she grinned.

“Hey, back off, I already told her that,” Xavier scoffed. 

Montana just smiled, pulling back. You noticed that your clothes were now bloody, but you honestly didn’t care.  You reached up, wiping your tears away. 

“I can’t believe… I can’t believe you guys are actually here.  Are you sure I’m not just crazy?  And making this all up in my head?”

Xavier smiled and took your hand.  “We’re here.”

You lost track of time.  When you finally looked out the dusty cabin window, the moon was peaked high in the sky. 

You looked over at your friends, not knowing what to say.  You didn’t want to leave them, again.  You couldn’t leave them again. 

You reached forward and took Xavier’s hand, dragging him out of his conversation with Chet. 

“Can we talk?”

Xavier smiled back at you and nodded.  He hadn’t been this happy about anything, for some time.  He couldn’t believe that you were here.  He never thought that he would see you again—and you were the one person that he would have done anything for, save for himself. 

The two of you stood outside of the edge of the cabin steps.  Xavier leaned against the railing and you found yourself sitting down on the top of the staircase.

“I… I can’t leave you guys.  Not again.  I’ve got nothing out there for me—”

Xavier’s face fell as he heard you.  “No.  I know what you want.  You’re not doing that.  No way in hell.  You’re the only one of us who survived, you need to keep on living—”

“—I only survived because you guys all died before I escaped,” you said, your bottom lip quivering.  “Xavier, I can’t function without you guys.  I can’t—I can’t do anything without thinking about all of you.”

“You will, eventually,” Xavier said, sending you a soft smile.  He leaned forward and grabbed your hands.  “You’ll be able to.”

“When, X?  When I’m on my eightieth birthday?” you questioned. 

He snickered softly and kissed your cheek.  “You know that’s not true.  You’ll be okay.  You need to go home, [Your name].  You know that we’re here.  You can visit any time you want to.  Stay alive for me.”

“But I’ll continue to age.  And you’ll all stay here, exactly the same.”

Xavier grinned.  “Well, you continue to age.  Get a spouse.  Make some babies.  Come and see us when you have the time.”

He was trying to talk you out of it.  He didn’t want you dead—if you died, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself (metaphorically, of course).  He had protected you until his last breath, and he would do it again.  Even if it meant sending you away, no matter how much he would have rather had you there. 

“I’ll continue to age, X.  But I’m not ever gonna marry.  And I won’t ever have kids.”

“Why not?” Xavier asked, brows furrowed. 

“Because the one person I wanted that with is here.”

He stopped for a moment, letting go of your hands.  “What?” he tilted his head, watching you.  “Who?”

“You, you idiot,” you said, tears welling in your eyes.  “I didn’t want to come back here because I thought that I would find things of yours.  I didn’t expect your whole damn ghost.  I don’t want to age.  I don’t want to just marry someone.  I wanted to marry you,” you said, choking back a sob with an awkward cough.  “I wanted to date you, I wanted to fall in love with you even more than I already loved you.  You dying made me realize that I would never have that.  I would never love anyone as much as I love you, Xavier.”

Xavier didn’t say anything, watching you intently.

“I’ve mourned you every damn day.  I—I’ve wondered, why did this happen?  Why couldn’t I have just died with you?  And I nearly did it.  Several times, Xavier.  I would have done it again,” you said, staring him down.  “If I came here and saw that you… you still had things here.  If I saw your blood or that—that damned horror oven.  I… I would have done it.”

Xavier quickly took your hands again.  “Stop it.  Stop talking like that.  [Your name]…”

“And see?  You don’t even love me back,” you said, finally letting out a sob.  “You’ve stared at me this whole time, and said noth—”

You were cut off by cold lips pressing against yours.  But just as soon as you had been interrupted, you started kissing him back.  You were still crying—all of your pent-up exhaustion and rage releasing with your tears. 

Xavier slightly pulled back, his forehead pressing against yours.  “I… I love you, too, [Your name].”

You squeezed your eyes shut.  Xavier leaned forward and wiped your falling tears away. 

“The only way you can stay here… is if you die.”

You took in a deep breath, looking up and locking eyes with the blonde.  “I’ll do anything I have to.  I just can’t leave.  Not again.”

Xavier sadly smiled, unable to stop his own tears from forming.  “Alright, then.  I won’t stop you,” he pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles.  “How… how do you wanna go?  It’s your choice.”

“I…” 

[chenziee]

The (s)we(e)t taste of revenge

[Read on AO3 or below the cut]

This terrible idea wouldn’t leave me alone all week so now I’m subjecting you to it, too. Enjoy Usopp Suffering™ because LawLu and ZoSan think they’re oh so very subtle :)

----------

Usopp startled awake in his bunk at the loud bang that came from somewhere a bit too close for comfort. At first, he thought there was an attack, a navy or pirate raid, or maybe even seakings. He was already half-way out of bed with Kabuto in hand when he noticed the badly muffled moans that followed.

Of course.

Of fucking course. No pun intended.

Usopp let go of his weapon and fell back in his bed, burying his head in the soft pillow and praying for patience not to murder the love sick assholes who never paid absolutely any regard to anyone or anything around—mostly the poor people like Usopp who always had to suffer through their… escapades. And Usopp was getting really fucking tired of it. Why couldn’t all couples be like Franky and Robin, who had the basic human decency to keep their private time private? It’s always Toraooo this and Straw Hat-ya that or ‘bleed out for all I care, Mr Nosebleed’ and ‘awww don’t be so jealous, Marimo’ followed by make outs and cuddling and flirting and sex.

When another, louder moan came, Usopp groaned quietly, cursing Brook’s snoring which only managed to irk him more. Of course the skeleton could sleep though this without issue and had to rub the fact in his face. He really was alone in this hell, wasn’t he?

Turing around, he tried to cover his ears with his pillow. It didn’t help. Did he have any earplugs? Franky definitely had some. But could he get them without alerting those two to him being awake? Because that would be awkward.

...Actually, why should he care? Rude awakenings asked for rude solutions.

Mind made up, he glared at Luffy’s bunk above him. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself before he delivered a swift, not so gentle kick to the bottom of it.

Immediately, Luffy cried out in protest, “What the hell, Usopp?!”

Usopp frowned, giving Luffy a dirty look when his head popped out from above. Then he sighed again. No point getting annoyed at Luffy of all people. “Torao, I know you’re up there,” he said flatly instead.

At his words, Luffy’s expression turned to surprised, then embarrassed, until settling on defensive. It took him a moment but then he finally replied, “Torao’s not here.”

Usopp rolled his eyes. When would Luffy learn that he really, really couldn’t lie? Plus these were bunk beds. Ship bunk beds. Really just wooden hammocks. Did this idiot of a captain honestly think a body materializing out of nowhere would not be felt by the person below?

Deciding to ignore Luffy, Usopp instead gave the upper bunk another kick, this time making sure he hit the side where Torao seemed to be. “Stop ignoring me, you ass.”

“What do you want,” Torao snapped finally, sounding as pissed off as Usopp had ever heard him.

“Do you mind?” Usopp said, suddenly so very tired.

There was a pause before Torao replied, a single ‘What?’ full of obvious confusion.

Usopp didn’t answer, simply stared at the bottom of Luffy’s bunk with a blank expression, hoping Torao would telepathically understand how very unimpressed Usopp was in that moment.

The silence hung over the room only for a moment.

“Mm, cook.”

“Z-Zoro, fuck, ahh…”

A beat passed.

“Oh fuck no,” Torao growled, now just as annoyed as Usopp himself was; maybe even more so. “Room. Shambles.” Okay, yeah, there clearly was some disgust in that tone.

Which Usopp guessed made sense, considering the horror that had spread on Torao’s face when Zoro had asked the captain couple about their sex life—god knows what compelled him to do so—and the obvioius relief that replaced it when Luffy had asked what sex was. When Zoro laughed and went to explain, Torao cut him off and said it was something boring that Luffy didn’t want to know more about and that was the end of it. Only the next morning, Zoro had woken up without his dick.

It was a weird exchange with an even weirder—if funny for those who were not Zoro—result and no one had dared to breach the topic ever again.

But well, it wasn’t like Usopp was complaining about Torao’s and Luffy’s refusal to even think about sex. Them rubbing how happy they were in Usopp’s face was bad enough. Every time he found them sleeping on the deck together using Bepo as a pillow, every time he heard Luffy call Torao’s name before jumping on his back, every time he saw them hold hands as they flirted all cutely, and every goddamned time Torao used his power to quietly teleport himself into Luffy’s bed... it made Usopp’s heart ache.

He knew his place was right here. He belonged on the Thousand Sunny, under the Jolly Roger proudly donning its straw hat, chasing his dream of becoming a brave warrior of the sea. He knew he didn’t make a mistake leaving but that didn’t stop him from wishing Kaya was there.

He missed her; he missed her so much it was almost unbearable and despite being able to pretend it was alright most of the time, watching Torao melt with every smile Luffy threw his way really wasn’t helping.

Yet, it was still better than what Zoro and Sanji kept subjecting him to, and if he were to choose one thing Torao was good to have around for, it was this.

Every time Zoro and Sanji would start fighting, Torao would dump some water on them before it could turn too heated. He would move them out of his way and to the other side of the ship whenever walking in on them making out in the kitchen, and Usopp had to say the enraged, embarrassed screams were so worth waiting for Torao to be the fist one to walk in during meal time, just to be safe.

“What just happened? Were Zoro and Sanji fighting again? What did you do?” Luffy disappeared from Usopp's view as he turned back to Torao, firing one frantic question after the other at him.

Bless his innocent little heart. Sometimes, Usopp wished he, too, had no idea what those two were doing on the literal other side of the wall. How very discreet of them, Usopp thought, even his inner voice dripping in sarcasm.

“Don’t worry about it,” Torao said and, judging by Luffy’s surprised yelp and the swaying of the bunk bed, he pulled Luffy back down to him so they could snuggle.

Usopp really hated them sometimes.

But it wasn’t like he was in any place to get all bitter right now, so he simply rolled his eyes, trying not to let any other feelings except gratefulness show in his voice when he thanked Torao.

Before the man could reply, the door to the boys’ room burst open. When Usopp turned to look, he wasn’t surprised to see Sanji standing there, pure anger in his eyes, hair and clothes a complete mess. What was strange, however, was that he was dripping wet. Head to toe. Like he just took a swim in the ocean.

“I’ll fucking get you for this,” he hissed, stomping over to his locker to change his wet clothes.

Torao huffed, shooting back, “I’d love to see you try.” There was a smirk even audible in his voice.

“Why are you so wet?” Luffy asked then, and Usopp had to stifle a laugh at how oblivious he could be.

“Because someone thought it was a great idea to dump me in the goddamned aquarium,” Sanji snapped.

Usopp couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop the laughter from bursting out and he didn’t even care if Sanji and Zoro would be out for his blood now, too. It was too funny, too amazing, and so much better than what he had hoped for.

“You’ll both learn not to piss off a cook, you assholes,” Sanji growled in response.

And Usopp… Usopp only laughed harder.

[hopelesshawks]

History of Us Part 18- A Nightmarish Memory

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Warning for mention of non-major character deaths

Masterlist Kofi

By the time you leave Shoto’s room to go back to yours, you’re pretty exhausted from the day’s events. The movie night distraction had certainly helped but you still keep thinking back over Rei and Endeavor’s conversation as you change into your pajamas and climb into bed. You know you’d never betray Shoto. Having him back in your life has been one of the best parts of transferring to UA. Your mind wanders back to earlier when you’d caught him staring at you. You’d brushed it off as disbelief that the two of you had finally hashed things out but even still you must admit butterflies had filled your stomach when you’d caught his gaze. You shake your head as if doing so will physically dispel the image and force yourself to close your eyes. Eventually you drift off to sleep.

Instead of dreaming you find yourself in a nightmarish memory. You’re eight years old again at your kitchen table eating breakfast when your father comes in already in his hero costume. “You’re coming with me today,” he announces in a tone that brooks no argument. “She’s a child, there’s no reason for her to go to work with you,” your mother protests. Your father levels a murderous glare at her but before he can berate her you pipe up “It’s ok, I wanna go.” Your mother gives you a sad and skeptical look but you insist “I mean it! I’m a big girl I’ll be ok!” “See? She says she can handle it,” your father tells your mother before turning back to you to command “let’s go.” You desperately want not to but little you hops out of your seat and follows after your father.

The contrast between your father at home and your father at work is extreme. At work he’s the charismatic Black Storm, the counterbalance to Endeavor’s grumpy and standoffish image. “Aww this your little girl?” one of the sidekicks asks, kneeling down to your level. “Yep! My pride and joy. Isn’t she the cutest?” your father gushes with an amount of care in his voice he’s never had for you at home. “What’s your quirk sweetheart?” the sidekick asks you. “I can heal stuff with this hand! And, uh, use dad’s quirk with this one,” you explain. “Dang a perfect hybrid? That’s rare,” the sidekick whistles. “Nuh-uh, my best friend is just like me,” you counter proudly, which only makes the sidekick chuckle. “And who’s your best friend?” “Sho-chan!” you beam. The sidekick sends an amused glance to your father as he explains “She means Endeavor’s kid, Shoto.” “Like father, like daughter, huh?” the sidekick laughs, ruffling your hair good-naturedly before rising. “Well meeting should be starting soon, Endeavor just got back from patrol. I’ll meet you in there!” the sidekick says before waving goodbye and going off to the conference room. Your father kneels down next to you before grasping hold of both of your arms. From afar it may seem like the gentle touch of a loving father, but his grip is tight, a silent threat. “No matter what happens in there you are not to look away. I want you to watch every minute of it. Got it,” he instructs. You nod obediently although his tone scares you. “Good. Let’s go,” he declares before grasping your hand and all but dragging you to a conference room.

Your father seats you at the head of the conference table while he sits to your right, a fact his coworkers find adorable. The meeting begins as soon as Endeavor arrives, closing the door behind him. It’s supposed to be a boring old briefing. Endeavor summarizes his patrol before handing it off to your father who begins by showing footage of a neighboring city on a large screen at the front of the room. You barely pay attention until you hear gasps of shock. You look over to see fires raging as explosions go off throughout the city. The look of glee on your father’s face is a stark contrast to the looks of horror and fear on the others in the room. “What’s the meaning of this?” Endeavor asks, rising suddenly. Your father doesn’t respond, instead he turns to his friend, eyes completely black with an unsettling grin on his face as multiple villains storm the room. As violence breaks out, your father lunging for Endeavor, you quickly scramble to hide under the table. You’ll be in so much trouble for disobeying your father’s orders to watch but you don’t care as you scrunch your eyes closed and cover your ears against the screaming and shouting.

You jerk up in bed, chest heaving. “It was just a dream. It was just a dream,” you tell yourself like a mantra to try and calm your racing heart. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a nightmare about the day of your father’s arrest. Endeavor and your father had been the only other survivors of that meeting aside from you. No one had even found you until medical teams came in to recover the bodies of the fallen sidekicks. Your father was carted off to Tartarus along with the other villains who’d assisted him, leaving you and your mother to deal with the fallout alone. The next day, while your mom was at work, you left the house in spite of her warnings, desperately seeking out the comfort of your one and only friend. You’d already been on the verge of tears when you arrived at the Todoroki household and began pounding on the door. Endeavor loomed tall above you, his gaze filled with disgust and rage. “C...can I see Sho-chan?” you had asked timidly. “No, he doesn’t want to see you,” Endeavor told you. “Why not?” you asked. “He’s afraid of you. He doesn’t want to be friends with a villain,” he replied before slamming the door in your face.

It was all downhill from there.

You had spiraled further and further down until your mother had been forced to move you away. The memory alone is enough to make you want to cry. You pull your knees to your chest and bury your face in them as you try and fail to banish the painful memories from your mind. Your heart aches for that younger version of you whose heart hadn’t yet hardened and learned how to protect itself. After a while of sitting there in misery, not daring to fall back asleep, you remember you’re not alone anymore.

You don’t move from your position on the bed until you hear a soft knock at your door. When you open it Shoto is stood on the other side looking sleep mussed in his pajamas, hair slightly wild. It’s a cute look on him, one you may have appreciated under different circumstances. “I’m so-“ “Don’t. I’m happy to be here for you,” Shoto cuts you off quietly but forcefully as he slips into your room and shuts the door behind him. Without another word he climbs into your bed and then looks at you expectantly. “Are you going to join me or are you just going to stand there the rest of the night?” he asks. You feel your eyes water as an almost overwhelming feeling of relief and gratitude crashes over you. You immediately join him in bed, curling up against him as he holds you tightly.

Black tendrils of smoke curl off the right side of your body as you let yourself cry into his shoulder. For the first time since you were a child you allow yourself to fall apart, knowing that Shoto is there to hold the pieces together until you can assemble them back yourself. You grieve for the last of your innocence that your father ripped away from you that day. You cry for the lonely child whose mother had to work all day and whose only friend was kept away. You allow yourself to well and truly release all the pain you’ve held onto for so, so long until your sobs finally dissipate to sniffles and eventually to silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” Shoto asks quietly. “Yea... Yea I think I do,” you admit before confessing exactly what had happened all those years ago.

Shoto listens, face impassive even as his own emotions wreak havoc in response to your story. Guilt for not being there when you so desperately needed him. Rage at his father for being the reason the two of you were separated for so long. Disgust with your father for dragging you into his massacre. Frustration that, despite being his first victim, you’ve been treated like you were your dad’s accomplice. Shoto has never wanted to fight both his father and yours more, but he knows that’s not what you need right now. You don’t need him to go fight the Big Bad. Frankly, you’d probably be offended by the notion you need defending. So instead he just holds you through it until you’ve shared all that needs to be said. “Thank you,” you finally mutter as you reach the end of your story. “I’m always here for you. I always will be. No one and nothing is going to separate us again,” Shoto asserts determinedly. “Promise?” you ask. “Promise,” he swears.

A/N: (y/n) never uses the 🥺 emoji because she thinks it’s too soft, but for Shoto she’ll make an exception ❤️

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @mindofess @todoplusultra @oliviasslut @lapysllazuly @immah0e4fictionalmen

[lost-khione]

Until We Meet Again

TW: death

I finally managed to finish writing my first fanfic!! 😁

Only ARR made me write a fanfic arggg

This one is in Gaku’s POV and set in the future where Futaba is dead already. I hope I did Yura’s lines right...

I hope you guys tell me how you like it if you read it. 👉👈

Read under the cut. Enjoy~

Every morning, I have this habit of checking my neck. I wake up earlier than Brother so I can do this. I always check my contract emblem - the proof that we are always connected.

"Gaku, would thou also care to look at my neck?" Brother asks as he studies me with a teasing glint in his eyes.

"No. I only need to check mine," I reply as I hurry to fix my clothes.

"You are aware that the bell wands are safely tucked on the bookshelf, right?"

"Yes.”

My eyes automatically flit to the place on the bookshelf where we keep the bell wands with the journal that Futaba and I kept when she was alive.

There was another reason why I woke up early today. I wasn’t really able to sleep much last night because the day today is a special one.

“Gaku,” Brother’s voice breaks my reverie.

I turn to him and his eyes no longer have the teasing glint earlier which is now replaced with a serious look.

He asks, “How many years hath it been since then?”

Instead of saying the words outright, he simply poses this question. So I answer him, “120,” as I look at him blankly not quite seeing him but seeing her from my memories instead.

“Gaku,” Brother calls me again before I get lost completely in my own memories.

He carefully stands up and tugs at my hand.

“Let’s go,” he says while flashing me a sympathetic smile.

I try to smile at him as well because I know looking gloomy won’t bring her back and I know it will just make her sad.

After all these years, I tried to remember how I took her death on our first lives together. But I guess the fact that I took our relationship to the next level on our second life together made all the difference this time. I still can’t help the sadness that’s gnawing at my heart. Lost in my own thoughts, my feet continue to move on their own as Brother leads the way.

We get out of the shrine and find ourselves in front of her grave. Her father allowed us to bury her here. He said back then, “I entrust my daughter to you. I know that she will also rest peacfully knowing she’s buried here.” He was truly a wonderful person.

I look at her grave and just sat in front of it while feeling the gentle breeze. I didn’t notice when Brother left but he just got back with a watering can in hand and his flute on the other.

“We wouldn’t want them to wilt,” he says as he puts his flute down beside me.

He diligently waters the forget-me-nots that we planted there. Once that’s taken care of, he picks up his flute and starts playing a nostalgic song.

So on this day, I let my memories wander and think of her.

I can still remember our final moments together clearly.

She had been living with us at the shrine after catching an incurable disease which was rampant at the Capital. She got permission from her father to spend her final moments with me while getting some treatment from Brother; although, Brother can only ease her suffering since there is no known cure yet.

Brother and I picked her up from their house to help her with her things. She kept on insisting that she can walk but I didn’t let her because I know she was feeling weak. I managed to make her agree to be piggybacked while Brother carried her belongings.

When we got to the shrine, Brother left to give us some space saying that he’ll play with his furry friends. He said, “Gaku, my friends are waiting for me. My Lady, I do hope thou feel at ease here and enjoy the mountain breeze.”

She smiled at Brother and replied, “Thank you for letting me stay here, Yura.”

“Anything for thee my Lady. I shalt take my leave,” and he left after that exchange looking to me briefly to which I responded with a slight nod.

She got her things from Brother and took out a thick leather bound notebook.

I curiously asked, “What do you keep in there? Notes about Divine Arts?”

She smiled happily and replied, “No, silly. Try to guess again.”

I thought out loud, “I’m pretty sure you won’t bring a school notebook.” After giving it some thought, I tried to guess again, “Then, is it empty?”

“You really think my head is only either filled with Divine Arts or none at all, huh?” She looked down looking a bit dejected.

“I really can’t think of anything else that you’d write about and bring with you all the way out here,” I admitted to her.

She didn’t look dejected for long. I think she just feigned dejection at my words.

“Well, it can’t be helped. I’ll let you see what’s inside.”

With that, she handed me the notebook. When I looked at it closely, I saw that it’s not brand new and already used. I noticed that the edges of some pages had some creases that were smoothed out. When I opened it, I was surprised at the words on the first page. It says: Memories with Gaku

I felt my eyes go wide in surprise and I heard Futaba let out a small laugh.

“Was it that surprising?”

I looked at her and said, “I just didn’t expect this. Since when have you been keeping this?”

“I got it since you took me on a date and gave me forget-me-nots. I know that you are well aware that I am a different person from who I was a thousand years ago. And I also understand that you only keep bringing up our past because they hold so much memory for you and my past self. So I decided to keep a journal where I wrote about our treasured memories so that in the future, you will have something to remember me by. At the same time, when we meet again in my next life, you can show me this journal and tell me about our previous lives.”

I felt really touched with how much thought she put into this. I gingerly flipped the pages and found myself asking, “Why did you only show me this now?”

“Well, I wanted to surprise you with it, but I’m not sure when. I thought that I’d show it to you once I fill up this one notebook before I start a new one but then, here we are and it’s not even filled completely. There’s still about one-fourth left to fill. Now, I have decided that both of us will fill the rest of the notebook.

She didn’t need to finish her sentence for me to understand what she meant. She meant to say that she hopes to fill it until the end of her days.

I felt tears prick behind my eyes. Not wanting her to see me shed some tears, I hugged her frail form tightly so as to reassure myself that she was still with me. I felt her arms on my back as well. She rubbed my back soothingly like she understood what I was feeling. She probably did.

After a while, she spoke softly, “I promise I'll be reborn again and this time, I'll be the one to find you.” After a moment, she added, “I won’t forget you”

Her bold proclamation made me smile. I replied frankly, “Don't make promises you can't keep. Don't worry, I'll love you no matter who you might be in your next life.”

She pulled back from me and looked into my eyes. Her reply came almost instantly in a forceful tone, “No, I'll definitely remember. I swear. This is my wish. Before she died, my past self fervently wished to be reborn again and see all of you. I believe that's what enabled all of us again to meet in this era. But I guess I'll be a little selfish this time and wish to remember you when I get reincarnated. And maybe, I can add that I get to be reborn faster this time so you won't have to wait too long.”

She says resolutely that brooks no arguments while gripping my hands.

I could only look at her with loving eyes. And hope that her wish may actually be granted by the powers beyond.

“You know that I have waited for you a thousand years before already, right? I can handle another thousand years if that's what it takes.”

“And here I am wanting to see you as soon as possible but I guess it's only me.”

She was so cute when she pouts so instead of talking back, I just kissed her.

Despite what I said about being able to handle waiting a thousand more years, I continue to count each day and year that passes by.

I’ve kept my promise to you so I am hoping against hope that you actually kept your promise. My mind continues to unconsciously wander through our memories and now I’m remembering about my promise to her. She didn’t want me to promise that I’d find her since she said she’s the one who will find me in her next life. But instead, she wanted me to promise her something. She made me promise to keep a journal and write about myself as I wait for her so that she can read all about it when she’s back. It’s very like her and remembering that put a little smile on my lips.

I continue to sit there with my eyes closed as Brother continues to play his flute. I imagine her smiling in front of me and let my thoughts come out in a whisper, “I know I told you I can wait another thousand years for you. But I still can’t help but actually hope you’ll come back to me sooner this time just like you promised.”

I take a deep breath trying to get a whiff of the scent of the forget-me-nots in bloom even though I know they give off little scent during the day just like how I’m trying to desperately find a clue if she’s already reincarnated somewhere.

I open my eyes resolutely and fixed my gaze on her tombstone. I speak as if talking to her grave means that she can hear me, just like how I always do every year, “I hope your future self is ready to fall in love with me again because I’ll make sure that she does.”

I smile confidently and lift my head to look up at the sky just as dawn is breaking signaling the start of another day. I stand up to retrieve my hand drum and play alongside Brother with a burning hope in my heart that her wish was heard by the powers beyond.

[lafiametta]

@prismatickestrel asked for “sensation.” Set post-series, in an everybody-lives-and-all-the-crows-just-hang-out-like-besties-in-Ketterdam AU. 

Matthias had never really had friends before. 

There had been a handful of childhood playmates—and the drüskelle, of course, but even that had been a brotherhood more in name than in anything else. They had fought and trained together as comrades, but there were none in their number that he would have truly called a friend. 

It felt very strange, then, to have acquired five of them seemingly overnight, although he suspected that most of it was due to Nina. 

She was everything he was not: sociable, gregarious, the life of the party. At first, he had tried to beg off—these were her friends, he told her—but Nina, being Nina, was never one to take no for an answer. And so Matthias often found himself spending time with criminals and thieves—people he would have never deigned to associate with in the past—and eventually came to realize that despite their questionable backgrounds he actually enjoyed their company. 

It was all part of his new life: new friends, a new city, a new way of looking at the world. And Nina, naturally, had taught him many new things, a number of them in the soft feather bed they shared in their rented rooms off the Stave. 

Those, at least, had proved to be nothing short of a minor revelation, which led him to start wondering what else might be worth trying out. 

The occasion didn’t present itself until one night at the Crow Club—Nina’s birthday, in fact—when Jesper had returned from the bar with a celebratory bottle of aged Kaelish whiskey. 

“Pour one for me, will you?” Matthias asked. 

Nina leaned closer, speaking softly so that no one else at the table would hear. “Are you sure? You told me you’ve never had a drink before.”

He smiled at her, something he found was coming far more naturally to him these days. “It’s just one glass,” he shrugged. “It’ll be fine.”

It was more than fine, in fact. The amber liquid went down smooth, then burned a line of fire down his throat that he found strangely pleasurable. He drank it slow, taking small sips as he listened to Jesper regale them all with his latest exploit, a bet on goat-racing that he had made with a traveling merchant from Os Kervo, in a story that was growing more and more ridiculous with each new detail. Matthias’s head felt a touch lighter, but nothing out of the ordinary, so he didn’t hesitate to hold out his glass as the bottle came around again. 

By that point, Jesper’s tale had changed course, shifting to include Wylan, who had somehow been conscripted into helping him escape the clutches of the stadwatch. When Wylan lowered his voice to a deep, bombastic growl and threw his arms out wide, imitating the mannerisms of the stadwatch officer, the whole table laughed—including Matthias, who had never heard anything quite so funny. 

Everything began to seem very funny: Jesper’s stories, Nina’s increasingly bawdy jokes, even the wry asides that Kaz offered for the benefit of Inej. It was growing loud around the table, and he knew they were gathering stares from other patrons, but somehow it didn’t really matter. Matthias’s second drink became a third, and after that, it became difficult to keep track of how many times his glass had been refilled. 

The sensation was curious. He could feel his face growing warm, time simultaneously slowing down and speeding up, the faces of his companions growing blurry and then all at once sharpening into focus. And Nina: as he turned to look at her, he realized that she had never looked more beautiful, her emerald eyes sparkling with delight each time she smiled. He never wanted her to stop smiling—no, he would happily die and be buried in her arms if it meant she would keep looking at him just as she was at this moment. 

She laughed and pressed her lips into a delectable little pout. “Poor Matthias,” she murmured, as she picked up his glass and moved it out of reach. 

He didn’t understand—was she making fun of him?—but he set that bothersome thought aside and leaned down to rest his head on her shoulder. She felt soft and warm against him, a steady anchor as the room began to spin. 

Things became far blurrier after that; he had a vague recollection of Jesper and Wylan helping him out to the street, his arms draped over both of their shoulders, and perhaps there was some off-key singing as they staggered their way back to Matthias and Nina’s rooms. There were stairs and more doors than he remembered, and somehow he ended up in his bed, Nina standing next to him with a cup of water. 

“Drink this,” she told him, in a voice that brooked no argument.

He managed to take the cup from her, but before she could turn away he caught her wrist. 

“Happy birthday, Nina,” he blurted, “the most beautiful girl in Ketterdam...”

He must have said something right, because as soon as he emptied the cup she climbed into bed and curled around him, her hand combing gently through the hair behind his ear. It felt so good—achingly good—and all Matthias wanted was to close his eyes and give himself over to the magic of her touch. 

“Go to sleep, my love,” she whispered. And so he did. 

[send me a one-word Helnik prompt]

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot: Changes

Intro: Dealing with the changes of growing older can be a right, royal pain…

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW, NO under 18s!”)

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this all came from that damned photo of Evans and Dodger…and my mind went to a very warped place, sorry not sorry. (You can blame @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for encouragement!)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

July 2029

The Rogers household was at times with three kids all under 10 was chaotic. Before school, after school, at dinner times and bed times. But later at night, it was quiet, a time for Steve and Katie to relax with one another, ready to face it all again the day after. Well, that is when Bucky and Sam weren’t around, eating them out of house and home.

Tonight was one of those nights. All younger kids in bed, Emmy away with Brooke in Miami attending some beach party, and getting up to all sorts of mischief which Steve didn’t want to think about, leaving the two of them to snuggle on the sofa with a beer and a glass of wine, simply taking time out. And it wasn’t like they had to talk either to enjoy it. Like right now, Katie was curled up, her back nestling into Steve’s side as his arm lay across her chest, her nose buried in a book. Steve was watching some documentary on the History Channel, every so often dropping a kiss to the back of her head as she would reach up to rub his arm.

Domestic? Yes. Mundane? Yes. Absolute bliss? Yes.

The door the living room pushed open and Stark wandered in, tail wagging as he flopped down on the rug next to the fireplace, rolling onto his back, his preferred sleeping position. Katie eyed him for a moment and snorted.

“Thinks he owns the place.” she muttered, reaching out for her glass of wine. Noticing it was empty she gave a low groan and sat up.

“I’ll go…” Steve offered but she shook her head.

“No, honestly its fine…you need one or?”

He nodded, draining his bottle and she took the empty off him.

She headed out of the room and as soon as she had left Stark hopped up onto the sofa, laying his head against Steve who chuckled, giving him an ear scratch, his concentration still on the TV.

“Seriously.” Katie deadpanned and he looked up as she placed their drinks on the table. “I was gone for like 3 minutes if that…”

Steve shrugged and gave her a grin. “Guess he wanted a snuggle.”

“I don’t give a shit. Down.” Katie said, looking at the dog. Stark glanced at her reproachfully and instead twisted slightly so that he was on his back, looking up at Steve. “Fine…don’t listen to me…Steve, move him.”

“But look at him, baby…” Steve chuckled, glancing down at the dog.

“He’s in my seat.”

“Awww he’s comfy…”

“Steve!” Katie said louder this time and he turned his head up to see his wife stood there, arms folded as she glared at him then the dog. “I’m being serious…”

“Don’t shout you’ll upset him.” Steve said, not being able to resist teasing her a little more, but where as she would normally just laugh and call him a jerk or a dumbass, her eyes narrowed and her face grew stony.

“I’m not fighting with a dog over a seat on my fucking couch.” she said, “I said move him Steve…”

“Ok…” Steve said, holding his hands up “Stark, down…”

The dog gave a huff and slid off the sofa and Katie settled back into her seat.  Steve glanced at her, his eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me like that Steven.” she warned him “You let that dog get away with murder.”

Steve took a deep breath, and bit back the response that she had been the same with Lucky. He knew now wasn’t the time so instead he made a joke “Well, I have a soft spot for Starks…” he muttered as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna stay soft tonight too.” she said, pushing on his chest causing him to laugh. “Seriously though that dog’s a menace…” “He’s not that bad…” “Not that bad…” Katie sat up “Steve, 4 days after he arrived he ate 3 boxes of crayons-” “Yeah but it made his poop multi-coloured-” “He chewed up my favourite pair of Laboutins-” “I told you not to leave them by the stairs. I’ll buy you some new ones-“

“And last week he ate the keys to my Camero Steve, my fucking keys!”

“Yeah but you got them back-“ “And I put up with all of that…” she rambled on, her tone and pace increasing and Steve frowned slightly as he could sense now there wasn’t a bit of humour or good nature in her voice any more “What I’m not gonna put up with is him stealing my fucking seat next to my fucking husband on my fucking couch!”

She finished her rant and Steve blinked, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you done?” he asked her a moment later, his voice flat.

She took a deep breath and moved to grab her book, resuming her previous position. “Yes.”

“Feel better for getting that off your chest?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Sounded like it to me.”

She groaned and slammed her book shut “I’m going upstairs…” Steve signed “Katie, come on sweetheart…don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“All pissed off over the dog!” he said, shaking his head “You’re being ridiculous.”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he grimaced inwardly. The worst thing he could ever say in the middle of one of her outbursts was exactly that.

“Really… ok, well how’s this for ridiculous? You love the dog so much? You can sleep with him in his basket tonight…” she snarled at Steve, before she stormed out of the room.

Steve watched her go, his mouth dropping open before he let out a groan and threw himself back against the cushions. In a second Stark had jumped back up into the spot Katie had vacated.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked the dog, who promptly thumped his tail as he turned his head to Steve, before sneezing straight in the soldier’s face.

******

“And that’s all you did?” Bucky eyed Steve suspiciously.

“Yeah…” Steve protested his innocence “She just absolutely lost it! Then she gave me the cold shoulder this morning, and maintained radio silence all day other than to reply with the word OK when I said I was coming out to meet you guys after work.”

“So is it all down to the dog then?” Bucky asked.

“Possibly.” Steve conceded “He’s a little…different to Lucky…”

He trailed off, pondering what Bucky had said, wondering if his best friend had hit the nail on the head. Stark had been with them just over 7 months now and whilst Katie wasn’t overly hostile towards him, she wasn’t as loving either as she had been with Lucky. Steve got it, well he thought he did, she’d loved Lucky to pieces, but Stark was just as good a dog. Ok, so he was a little boisterous and far more mischievous than Lucky had been and had taken time to settle in. And he still had a habit of eating and chewing things but, all in all, the kids loved him, Steve loved him…

“Well, whatever it is I do know one thing…” Sam said, drawing Steve’s attention back to him.

“What?”

“The more you try and make sense of it, the less sense it’s gonna make.” he shrugged “Dude she’s a woman, just…”

Steve shook his head, whilst Katie was prone to her little moments and bratty outbursts, he was normally pretty good at getting into her head and understanding what was wrong with her. That was something that came from knowing her for 17 years and being in love with her for 16. Or 17 as he often admitted to himself that he was pretty sure he’d fallen for her that day she’d given him her cell number as they waved goodbye to Thor. Hell, if you added in the 15 he’d spent back in time after taking the stones back it was over 30…

“She’s not like that.” Steve said, “Ok she can be a bit hormonal at times but…”

“There you have it, maybe it’s time of the month?” Bucky shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes.

“She’s never normally that bad…”

Sam pondered for a moment “How old is she?”

“45 just gone, why?”

Sam made a noise as he clicked is finger and pointed at Steve “Menopause?”

“What?” Steve looked at him as Bucky scoffed.

“Shut up Birdbrain.” Bucky shook his head “That’s far too young to-“ “I’m being serious man…” Sam shrugged “That’s about the time my mom started going through the change and it was like living with a fucking velociraptor…” Steve took another drink of his beer.

“She been having any other symptoms? Hot flushes? How’s the sex life?” Sam pressed.

Steve groaned, his neck and ears flushing “The sex is fine, it’s great, as always…” he trailed off, refusing to discuss this anymore but even as he shook his head he thought back to a moment a few days ago when Katie had been complaining that she was really warm, despite him cracking the AC on full whack.

Bucky, sensing Steve’s discomfort changed topic and they spent the rest of the evening discussing far less dangerous subjects than Katie’s potentially dwindling ovaries before they called it a night and set off home. Sam headed for the subway to go back into Manhattan whilst Steve and Bucky continued towards their relative homes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky said “She’ll be waiting when you get home with an apology, maybe in the form of a blow job…” Steve snorted “Maybe.” “And don’t listen to Sam. He talks shit.” Steve bid Bucky goodnight, and as he walked the few blocks back to their house he pulled his phone out and started googling symptoms of the menopause, grimacing as he read them.

Hot flushes, night sweats, weight gain, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, sore or tender breasts, headaches, difficulty sleeping, vaginal dryness…

Fuck.

…a reduced sex drive

Double fuck.

…, mood swings, palpitations, joint stiffness, recurrent UTIs.

“Jesus” he groaned to himself, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He could attribute at least 10 of those to Katie over the past few months, remembering clearly the other day she’d flipped out at the fact her jeans were a little tight at the moment, and she’d had a banging headache yesterday morning, and had managed about 4 hours sleep…then there was the memory loss as she’d gone into the kitchen with the remote control and come back without it, having put it in the fridge, she’d complained last week her boobs were constantly sore…

Steve shook his head, if she was going through all this then she was entitled to be a little off and he was going to have to just put up with it as best he could.

He pressed his palm to the pad on the gate and once it was open enough he slipped through and walked to the door, sliding his key into the lock. Stark instantly shot out to greet him and after bending to give the dog loves he stood up and followed the soft tones of the piano to the den where Katie was playing with Rori on her lap already dressed for bed.

“Ok, now you try…” his wife said softly, and Rori placed her hands on the keys and began to track her mother’s movements.

“Almost…” Katie grinned, looking down at her, before her hands moved back and she played up a slowly “Try again.” This time Rori nailed it and let out a squeal as Katie laughed and dropped a kiss to her head.

“Nice work Princess…” Steve said, and they both turned to look at him.

“Daddy!” Rori said with a grin, shooting off the stool to run to him. He swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.” he smiled at her “You had a good day?”

Rori nodded “We did err…that thing where you do the numbers with each other and…what was it momma?”

“Times tables.” Katie smiled and Rori nodded.

“Yeah that, and then we did some reading and I got a gold star for doing a full chapter.”

“No way!” Steve grinned “You’re a brainbox just like your ma.” “So Momma made us all tacos for tea as a treat and then I did some piano!”

“I saved you some.” Katie looked at Steve “Wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not.” “Thanks.” he smiled at her taking her gesture for exactly what he knew it was, an apology. “The boys in bed?”

“Harry is. Jamie is in his room on his computer.”

“Ok, I’ll pop up. You ready for bed munchkin?”

Rori nodded “Story time?”

“You bet.”

With Rori in his arms he crossed the room to drop a kiss to Katie’s head before he took his daughter upstairs, Stark following. By the time he’d read Rori a story, tucked her in, checked on Harry and then had a hushed argument with Jamie about how he had another 30 minutes before lights almost 40 minutes had passed before he finally headed downstairs.

Katie was in the kitchen loading stuff into the dishwasher and he made his way over, wrapping his arms round her waist.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently, turning to face him, her hands gently scratching at his beard “I was out of order yesterday…” “It’s ok…” “No, it’s not.” she sighed “I’ve been up and down all over the last few months and taking it out on you and the kids isn’t fair.”

“Do you know why?” Steve asked, wondering how on earth he was going to broach the subject.

“Yeah, well, maybe. I spoke to Pepper before when she rang asking what time she should send Happy for the kids tomorrow, and she suggested I might be…” Katie took a deep breath “…going through the change, so to speak…” If Pepper had been in the room right there and then, Steve would have probably kissed her for being the one to bring this up so he didn’t have to.

“Anyway, I’ve made an appointment to go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.” Katie shrugged.

“Do you want me to come?” Steve asked.

“No.” she said, “It’s the middle of the afternoon. You’ll be in class.” “Ok.” he said, “Well, whatever it is we’ll work it together, yeah” “I know.” she smiled, as he leaned down to give her a kiss.

“And as the kids are at Peppers tomorrow, I think that means we can spend a bit of time alone…” he nudged her nose with his and she smiled “Take out, bottle of wine…” “The dog…” she smirked and Steve laughed.

“I’ll lock him in the hallway…” “You can’t do that to him!” she said, scoffing. “Poor Stark…”

“You hated him yesterday…”

“I don’t hate him.” she said softly “He’s just not Lucky…but Jamie made me realise something before. He pointed out that he has so many little personality traits that are different to Lucky…he’s his own dog, in his own right…I’ve not really been fair to him…”

“Hey…” he said, spotting the tears in her eyes. “Honey don’t…” “See!” she blurted out, spluttering a laugh as she wiped at her face “This is fucking ridiculous…”

Steve chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her again and she pressed her cheek into his t-shirt, breathing in his smell as she always did when she needed to ground herself. A mixture of the sandalwood notes in his aftershave, the soft linen smell of his clothes and, well, another smell, a manly type of note that she simply called his Steve scent. One that she insisted no other man smelt like and that she told him she was convinced came from the serum.

“I don’t wanna be going through the menopause” she moaned, “I don’t wanna get old, and wrinkly, and fat and…barren…”

At that Steve laughed, because he couldn’t fucking help it.

“Barren?” he looked down at her, shaking his head “You’re such an idiot…we have 4 kids…you gave birth to 3 of them.” “Don’t remind me.” she pulled back and narrowed her eyes “Rori’s birth still haunts me.”

“You know I was so proud of you that day.” he smiled at her. “Still am.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life.” she said, “And I mean that…even when we fought…and Tony…” she trailed off and swallowed “But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because she’s so damned perfect and amazing…”

Something washed over Steve at her words, a feeling of pure love but also unadulterated absolute, heartfelt desire and he tipped his wife’s chin up so that she was looking directly at him, and he dropped his face.

“God I fucking love you…” he mumbled, pressing his lips to hers again, his arms pulling her closer.

“Yeah?” she asked as his hands moved to her hips and he gently lifted her up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” he said, standing in between her legs, his mouth dropping to her neck. She rolled her head back, giving him better access as he nipped at her pulse-point, before his lips moved to that hollow at the bottom of her throat, his beard scratching her skin. She let out a soft sigh as he smirked a little, her legs hooking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Want something baby girl?” he asked and she let out a groan at his words.

“Yeah, you…” she said, shamelessly.

“Well we all know that you always get what you want, brat…” he muttered, his lips sliding up to hers and he kissed her hard, his tongue sliding against hers as his hands moved to pop the button on her denim shots before he gently grasped at the waistband and she shifted to allow him to pull them down over her legs, tossing them to one side. His hands slip up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling down one side of her bra, his hands gently teasing at her nipple, all the time listening to the soft noises and groans she was making as he continued, his nose brushing against hers, smiling softly.

“You like that?” he whispered, knowing full well that she did, but he knew she liked his soft dirty talk and she gave a sigh and a nod, followed by a little squeak as he pushed two fingers insider her.

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder as her hands grasped at his back through his T-shirt, and as he continued to stroke and coax her she bit down on his neck causing him to hiss slightly at the bite of pain.

“Need you…” she purred into his ear “Please.”

And when she asked like that, he was always powerless to refuse. This woman was his absolute weakness.

He moved his head to kiss her again, and removing his hand from her panties he reached up and pulled them down before he stood up, and she reached for his belt, opening it easily and quickly before doing the same to the button and zip on his jeans. She pushed them down, over his hips as Steve’s hands moved to her back and he gently pulled her forwards, sliding her towards him, letting her feel how ready he was. She reached down and gently gave his hard cock a pump up and down and he let out a groan as he pulled her off the counter slightly, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms round his neck, her lower back resting against the side of the worktop both of them letting out a load moan of satisfaction as he pushed forward, all the way home.

Steve’s head dropped to Katie’s shoulder, his mouth once more on the pulse point in her neck as he thrust again, his hands on her back, keeping her supported slightly

“God you feel so good…” he said, his lips moving back to hers as he set a pace that was torturously slow, and deep, and loving. Thrust after thrust he kept his lips either on hers or centimetres away, watching her intently as her pupils blew as he worked her up, driving into her, as deep as he could go, one hand resting at the back of her spine to keep her back from slamming into the harsh marble edge of the counter, the other guiding her head so he could kiss her, hard.

Her hands moved, the nails scraping lightly at the nape of his neck, and Steve felt himself falter for a split second at her touch.  

“Fuck doll…” he groaned into her mouth as she grinned cheekily, her hands sliding down to his bare ass as she urged him on, desperate for him to pick up the pace. So be obliged, giving her what she wanted.

Because he always did.

She held on to his ass for dear life, moaning with her body arching in his hands, the fabric of his jeans chafed delectably against her thighs, the belt buckle hitting her hard with every thrust and before long she let out a loud groan, her hands tightening on his skin as she cried out as he quickened his pace even more, causing her to gasp his name, a broken mumble of the word “Stevie…” before she let out a breathless gasp, her voice catching in her throat as the world began to tip on its axis.

“Come on, come for me doll…” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. And that was it, she dropped over the edge, her head falling back as her hands slid up and grasped tightly on the hem of his shirt as she clenched around him, again and again, groaning and trembling, powerless to stop her body’s reactions. It took him another couple of thrusts before he gave a soft “oh” of pleasure, her name tumbled from his mouth before he bit down on her shoulder softly, reacting his own end. He gave a few erratic thrusts, pumping with short, deep strokes which sent Katie over another peak, but this was feeble as she collapsed forward, her head laying on his shoulder, utterly spent.

They stayed still for a moment, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall as Steve gently held his wife to him, as they both evened out from their high.

“Love you…” she said softly, kissing the tip of his nose causing him to smile, that cheeky smile he saved just for her before his lips met hers again

“Good, because I love you too pretty girl, more than you could ever know.”

***** If he was honest, Steve had forgotten all about Katie’s appointment until just after lunch, when he ushered his students into the seminar room and smiled at one of them, a small, slight red head, also called Katie. With a quick curse at himself, he fired his wife a text telling her to call him when she’d been seen, and that he loved her, before he closed the door and sat down in his chair and began to talk the group through the notes from the lecture before he invited them to discuss the subject of Money, impressionism and the understanding how the juxta positioning of colours against one another reflected the effects of light on objects.

Katie didn’t reply, other than to say that she was ok, the appointment had been fine and that Happy was on his way to collect the kids to take them to Pepper’s for the weekend. He’d said goodbye to them this morning, the 3 of them not in the slightest bit bothered they wouldn’t see him until Sunday, which was always something that slightly peeved him a little, but also made him glad that they had a good time with the Auntie and Cousin whilst they were at the lake house. It was important to him, and Katie, that their kids kept a good relationship with Pepper and Morgan, as they’d all be so close before Tony had died, so once a month all their kids headed up there, and then 2 weeks later Morgan would spend the weekend with them.

Steve drove the relatively short distance home and walked into the house, finding Katie at the kitchen table, face-timing Emmy and Brooke. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and waved at his eldest and he best friend, joining in the chat until they declared they had to get ready for the next round of partying and bid them both goodbye. Katie dropped the phone to the table as Steve stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Katie waved off his offer and ran her hands over her face, a tired expression on her features as she stood up.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, a little concerned as he flipped the lid off his beer. “Yeah…” she nodded, her eyes flickering to the white bag on the table which bore the Pharmacy logo on the front.

“I take it the Doctors gave you something then, for the…” he said, nodding towards it, taking a drink from the bottle. “It’s not the menopause.” she cut him off, shaking her head.

Steve frowned, “It’s not.” “No, I err…” she swallowed and looked at him “Steve, you might wanna sit down.”

“Are you sick?” Steve frowned, ignoring her instruction, his mind flying all over the place. That was his worst nightmare; that she got sick and it was serious, meaning she’d end up leaving him and the kids behind…

“Steve…” “Baby you’re worrying me…”

“I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.

The bottle Steve was holding slipped from his hand and landed on the tiles, shattering at his feet, showering the bottoms of his trousers in beer but he paid it no attention. Instead, he blinked, his wife’s words echoing around his head.

“Pregnant…” he whispered. “How, I mean…you’re on the pill…”

Katie shrugged “It can happen, apparently, and of course it would happen to us…”

Steve looked at her as she stood, her eyes locked onto his. They had certainly not planned this, one iota. Harry was meant to be their last, their little “one more” as they’d put it. But here they were, with another “one more” on the way.

“I…” Steve was struggling to find his words. “Honey…this…I…shit…”

“You know I expect this one…” she pointed to her belly “To be more articulate than you’re being right now when they’re two…”

He looked at her, blinked and then his face split into a huge grin and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in an excited kiss. “Oh my baby momma…” he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as she smiled up at him and he grinned cheekily “I got you pregnant 4 times…”

“Yeah, now I come to think of it the plants in the hallway are withering a little. Maybe you can go jerk off in the pots, bring them back to life.” she quipped.

“I’d rather fuck you if it’s all the same…” he grinned, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs, hauling her up against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Take me to bed Soldier” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and not one who needed asking twice, Steve kissed her again before he backed them out of the kitchen.

N/B SURPRISE MOFOS…BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! Baby Rogers no 5 is on the way!!!!!

**Original Posting**

[tsrookie]

This Is Me Trying

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: Hey everyone! Soooo I was actually planning to scrap this fic, since I seriously couldn’t think about practically after Chapter 11. But then Chapter 12 came out, and boom! My brain finally decided to finish this! @kaavyaethanramsey Thank you so much for pre-reading! And a special thanks to @openheart12 for being totally chill with me taking this song for inspiration even though she had plans to do the same!

Song Inspiration: This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift. I’m going to do some shameless promo for Taylor since her label ain’t bothering with that🙄

STREAM FOLKLORE!

Word Count: 3600+

Warning(s): One curse word

Summary: My version of Ethan’s thoughts after the MK heist. This man is NOT EASY to write!

——————————

Edenbrook was mostly quiet during the night shift. Most doctors left as soon as their time was up, not wanting to spend any more time in the hospital than they already had to.

But that wasn’t the case for a certain diagnostician.

The lamp on Ethan’s desk shone with a clear light in a stark contrast to his confusing thoughts. His mind was clouded. Clouded with thoughts of her.

Dr. Alyssa Brooks, the one he had hand selected from a thousand applications, the resident who had taken Edenbrook by storm as just a mere intern, and the woman who now held his heart.

He’d kissed her twice in less than two days. He couldn’t be the emotionless robot he had pretended to be for 10 years. He wanted to throw away everything to just hold her in his arms without a worry in the world. He didn’t want to just stand next to her. He wanted to be with her. But he had no idea how.

I’ve been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting

I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

His mind automatically took him back to one of the most painful nights of his life: The night he’d returned from the Amazon.

“You’re an idiot Ramsey. An absolute moron. You know she’ll be there, then why the hell are you going there?!”, he’d scolded himself as his legs, as though they had a mind of their own, took him to Donahue’s.

He had no idea how she would react to seeing him. He was, after all, the man who was a complete coward and ran away from her and his feelings for her.

He wouldn’t have blamed her if she was in the arms of that scalpel jockey. At least he would treat her the way she’d deserved to be treated. Unlike him, who only knew to run. He had hoped that she would’ve buried her feelings for him.

The look on her face said it all. The pain, the betrayal, but also the care and concern, was plain to see in her brown doe-like eyes. Two months apart had done nothing to help either of them. He’d still cared for her way more than a mentor was supposed to care for a mentee. And then she’d kissed him.

In those few seconds, he’d felt more air in his lungs than he had ever felt in two months in the Amazon forest. He’d desperately wanted to kiss her back. He’d wanted to let her know that he cared about her more than she could possibly comprehend. But he didn’t.

It almost killed him to tell her that they had to reset. But he didn’t know what else to do at that point. That would forever remain one of his biggest regrets. He’d put them both through so much of pain that he could never forgive himself. He’d hurt her so much. Yet, she’d never given up on them.

He shook his head to bring himself back to the present. He looked into his wristwatch. 12:30 am. It was past midnight. He had to go home as he was past the point of trying to get any work done.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don’t quite know what to say

But I’m here in your doorway

He drove out of the hospital and his eyes caught a flash of red walking on the pavement. “Alyssa?” She whipped her head around, recognizing his voice. She looked exhausted, but he wouldn’t blame her, knowing the day she had. Her ginger roots were all over her face and her clothes were completely wrinkled.

“Hey Ethan...”, she croaked in a raspy voice.

“Why on earth are you walking home? I thought you always took the train.”

“The station seemed overcrowded. Wasn’t in the mood to bump into any frat boys.”, she chuckled lightly.

“Get in. I’ll drive you home.”, he said. She opened her mouth to protest, but decided against it seeing the deadpan look on his face.

Her eyes were trained on the road. He glanced at her a couple of times but it didn’t seem like she noticed. She didn’t seem as lively as she was after they’d returned from Mass Kenmore. Something was nagging her, and he was determined to find out what.

“Is everything okay?”, he asked gently, not wanting to push her.

“Hmm... yeah it’s fine... everything’s fine.”, she replied unconvincingly.

“Alyssa...”

He took her hand in his and pulled over at her doorstep. “What’s wrong?”, he asked again, looking straight into her eyes. They were glassy and rimmed with red. His eyes slightly widened, realizing that she had been crying.

“It’s... a lot Ethan. First, it’s Kyra. She’s going to have major surgery. An extrapleural pneumonectomy. It could either save her, or...”, she trailed off, biting her trembling lip. He held her hand tighter, to try and give her the strength to continue. She took a deep breath and continued.

“I’m terrified about what could happen to her. I know I said that I could handle it this morning, but having her in this literal life of death situation... I just can’t”, she choked out a sob.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her on instinct. Her fragile frame trembled as she cried into his shirt. His heart broke to see her like this. He knew that Kyra had a slim chance of survival, but seeing the impact on Alyssa was too much to bear. He’d been through the same situation when Dolores died, and she’d helped him get through it. No matter what was to happen to Kyra, he was going to stand by her side through it all.

“And Raf...”, she suddenly said in receding sobs. “Raf’s leaving town and I have no idea why. It’s completely out of the blue and I’m really worried about him. He hasn’t been the same since the beginning of this year, and now he just decides to leave Boston.”

Ethan was surprised as well. He had known the paramedic only for a couple of months and even he was surprised at his decision to leave. He seemed to love his hometown and it seemed completely out of character for him to leave like this.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know that she was going through so much. It hurt him beyond anything to see her in her most vulnerable state.

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

“Alyssa, I...”

He searched for the right words to say. He had comforted plenty of patients in the past, but nothing had prepared him to hold Alyssa in his arms.

“I know that I can’t take all this away, no matter how much I want to. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, or just want me around, I’ll be there. That’s a promise.”

He owed it to her. He owed her the world and more. She’d stood by him and been his rock through all his issues with his mother. He wanted to be there for her. He had to at least try.

“Thank you Ethan...”, she said with a soft smile that was enough to light up his whole world. He reluctantly let her go with a kiss to her hand. “Sleep well Alyssa.”

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

His lips still tingled from touching her hand. “Heaven knows how I’m going to keep up this pathetic act.” As he drove along the nearly empty streets, his mind went back to the most stupid decision of his life...

“You can’t live life like this Ethan. You can’t keep isolating yourself from her.”, Naveen had told him when he had made the foolish decision to run away to the Amazon. The old man had always known what went on in Ethan’s mind. There wasn’t a day where Naveen hadn’t chided him for locking himself up in his own cage. But he didn’t know what to do. His walls were up too high for anyone to climb over them.

But then Alyssa barged into his life. She broke into the invisible cage he had alienated himself in. All his high walls came up short for her. No one else had broken through his soul like her. He watched the walls he had built for over twenty years come falling down for her.

But despite all that, he had majorly screwed up. He had been nothing but rude and cold for weeks in her second year thanks to Gwyneth Monroe and Leland Bloom. He was furious at the board, but deep down he had known that the team would change a lot due to the budget cuts. He knew that it was completely unfair to direct his anger at her and everyone else in the hospital. But he didn’t know what else to do. His values and Naveen’s vision had been compromised, and that clouded his mind from thinking of anything else.

The regret and guilt in her eyes had pained him immensely. As time passed, he had accepted the fact that the fault wasn’t hers and that he was truly thankful to her for making the decision he was dreading. But he had no idea how to tell her all of that. His words and actions had hurt her and there was no going back and changing them. And it wasn’t even the first time. Hurting her repeatedly was all he ever did.

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn’t pour the whiskey

He remembered his days from med school. After Tobias had betrayed him by stealing Serena Jane, he didn’t bother with romance. He completely submerged himself in his studies. His peers found true happiness and love while he had accomplished more than anyone could have dreamed of, but stayed unhappy.

Whenever he opened up, he would just go through a world of pain. Tobias was the only person who he had truly trusted. But then he had stabbed him in the back in every way possible. He hadn’t planned to let Naveen in, but the old man had become like a second father to him. And then he had nearly died, which had terrified Ethan more than he had let on. He shouldn’t have let anyone in after that.

But then there was Alyssa.

His Rookie. He knew damn well that that nickname had become a term of endearment. That was why he rarely called her that after her second year began. He didn’t want to get her hopes up only to hurt her again.

He fell asleep with all these thoughts tormenting him.

The next day was pretty dull. He hadn’t seen her in the morning since the team didn’t have any new patients. He knew that she was probably working on Kyra’s case in her free time and didn’t want to impose. By the end of his shift, he was questioning his decision to even show up at work as it was incredibly tedious and monotonous without Alyssa by his side.

He found himself sitting at Donahue’s, with his eyes flicking to the door every once in thirty seconds in hopes that she would walk in. “You look like you haven’t slept properly in days”, said Reggie’s voice. “I mean, I know you’re busy as hell, but you at least used to look like you were a normal human back then.”, he chuckled. Ethan let out a heavy sigh as he stared at his untouched glass of whiskey. “You okay?”

Ethan considered Reggie to be a... good acquaintance, which was more than he considered three-fourth of the people in the hospital to be. But was he about to pour his heart out to him?

He looked down at his full glass and realized he didn’t even need the alcohol to express his agony. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s... Alyssa.”, he said as his eyes filled with pain.

“Tell me.”, Reggie said as he leaned on the bar countertop.

“I don’t know what to do about her. She’s a brilliant young doctor and my mentee. She has the skill and potential to become one of the greatest doctors the world has ever seen. And I need to push her to be that. Caring about her... that’ll get in the way. I might start being lenient with her if I’m with her. And I don’t want that to hinder her development...” He trailed off as a lump formed in his throat.

Opening up like this brought the bitter truth to light. There were too many professional obstacles for them to be a normal couple. But those were nothing compared to their emotional issues.

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

At least I’m trying

He took a deep breath as he continued, “I don’t even know why she would want me. I’ve done nothing, absolutely nothing but cause her pain from the very start. I was the one who first kissed her. I was the one who lead her on. I was, sorry, am the coward who broke her heart by running away to the Amazon. I dragged her into the mess that is my personal life. But she still wants to stay. She’s by my side whenever I need her and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay her for everything she’s done for me.” He choked out a small sob. He loathed himself.

She was the last person on the planet who he ever wanted to hurt, but that was all he had ever done. Trying to make up for all that pain seemed nearly impossible.

“I don’t deserve her Reggie... I just don’t. I don’t even know how I fell in so deep. It all just... happened. And now I’m stuck in a dilemma where I need to be the best mentor I can be for her but I also can’t live a life without her as something so much more than just my mentee! I want her to be my-”

He stopped as he suddenly realised what he was about to say. He was about to admit that he wanted her to be his girlfriend. He wanted an actual relationship with her.

Reggie smiled knowingly at him. “Say it Ethan. Say it out loud so that you can finally accept it for yourself.” “I... I want to be in a relationship with her.”, he said. He let out a breath that he didn’t realized he’d been holding. He felt free.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound

It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

He suddenly heard a laugh. Her laugh. His favourite sound in the whole world.

He whipped his head towards the source of the sound and sure enough, she was there. She was in the middle of what seemed like a drunken dance off with Lahela. But he didn’t look even half as drunk as Alyssa. Her eyes were hooded and worn out. Her clothes were all wrinkled up, but she didn’t seem to care at all, which was quite a surprise.

Something told him that she had overworked herself and was drinking to combat the exhaustion. But the way she moved made him feel otherwise. The way her hips swayed slowed in the dim light of Donahue’s sent his thoughts into the gutter.

His mind flashed with memories of the night she had won her ethics hearing. The way she had flashed a lopsided grin at him when he’d lied to a resident while leaving the bar. Her incredibly messy yet perfect room. The night they’d last slept together. The night he’d last felt her body perfectly intertwine with his. It all seemed like nothing but a distant memory now, with all that had happened. But he could never forget that night, no matter how hard he tried.

He let out a sigh as he looked at Reggie. “I think it’s better if I left now... It’s for the best if she doesn’t notice me.”

“Too late for that, since your Rookie is on her way to the bar right now”, came a reply with a smirk. Ethan let out a frustrated sigh, but he found himself unable to suppress the slight smile on his face as she made her way towards him.

“Ethaaan! What a *hiccup* wonderful surpriiise! I had noo idea you’d *hiccup* be here!”, she said in a singsong voice.

“Dr. Broo- Alyssa, what exactly do you think you’re doing near the bar in this state?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Juuuust a few more *hiccup* drinks. I’m purrrrfectly fine.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. It seemed like it was now up to him to make sure she could at least walk straight.

“No. You are not having any more. I can’t handle a hungover member on my team when the Senator arrives.”

“You’re not the boss of me!”

“Actually I am.”, he smirked as he ushered her out of the bar.

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (Maybe I don't quite know what to say)

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

The cold Boston air hit them in the face as they got outside. Winter was coming, and it seemed that his favourite resident had forgotten to bring a coat to combat the chilly weather.

It didn’t take him more than a second to realize she was shivering. Wordlessly, he took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She looked up at him in surprise, her glassy eyes filling with life. He looked away on instinct, but couldn’t suppress the smile at the corner of his lips on seeing her in his clothes.

“Hey... I dunno if I’ve *hiccup* said this before, but I’m really glad to have you in my corner *hiccup* ya know. The past few days have been... so overwhelming and... I would’ve *hiccup* lost my mind if it wasn’t for you.”

He turned to look at her. Her brown eyes were filled with sincerity and... something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something new. Something... affectionate.

If she could be wasted and still manage to talk to him with complete honesty, then his sober mind could do just the same.

He took her hands in his. They were cold, and sent a jolt of electricity through him. “Alyssa, I meant what I said yesterday. If you ever need me, for anything, at any time, I’ll be there. Nothing will ever change that, no matter what... changes between us.”

He saw her face light up at his words, and he realized that he had quite the same expression himself.

He didn’t know whether she was going to ask him anything further of the topic of... them. It seemed like she decided not to, and he was grateful for it. He still didn’t know what exactly to do, but he knew that it was foolish to keep pushing her away.

“Alyssa where on earth- Oh!”

Doctor Trinh’s eyes widened as she witnessed the tender exchange between them. Her expression morphed from shock to utter delight as she saw their joined hands. If it was someone else, Ethan would’ve immediately pulled away. But this was Alyssa’s best friend, and a doctor who he knew he could trust with their secret, especially since she had seen him come out of her room the previous year.

“I’ll umm... tell Jackie that it’ll take a while.”, she said sheepishly as she turned away from the pair.

“No it’s alright. I need to *hiccup* get some rest before tomorrow. We’re done here. Unless... there’s *hiccup* anything else you want to say?”, she asked as his eyes locked with hers again.

“Yeah... just that I don’t want you to worry too much. Everything’s going to be okay Alyssa.”, he said with a smile that mirrored hers. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, as she reluctantly pulled away from him for the night.

“Thank you Ethan... for everything.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The ghost of a smile adorned his face as he went back to his car. He wasn’t sure about how she felt about everything. Hell, he still wasn’t sure about how he was feeling. But it was something beautiful. Something he hadn’t felt for anyone he had been involved with. Something that filled his heart with joy. Something he had thought that was impossible for him to feel since his mother had left him at eleven.

Love. Ethan Ramsey was in love with Alyssa Brooks.

The very idea terrified him. The worry of losing someone he loved had been rooted his mind since childhood. But she was different. His heart opened up to her in a way it had done with no one before.

It was going to be a long road, filled with obstacles and barriers. He didn’t even know if she felt the same about him. But he wanted to try. His life would never be complete without her in it, and the thought of a reset could never cross his mind again. Changing his view on the world was worth a try when it came to her. Because she was worth the risk. “She always has been.”

At least I'm trying

——————————

A/N 2: Hope you guys liked it! I’ve shamelessly included Louis Tomlinson and GoT references even though it’s supposed to be inspired from a Taylor Swift song��� Let me know if you found them! And I hope I managed to stay true to the fact that our man is super oblivious to the fact that MC is head over heels for him as well😅 I tried to make this one seem like an actual fic instead of a kinda boring narration that I did last time. As always, constructive criticism is much appreciated❤️

Taglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @ohramsey @aylamwrites @caseyvalentineramsey @ohvamsey @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @nithya @mrsmatsuo-ramsey @imonlybibecauseofethanramsey @rookiefromedenbrook @bratzlahela @eramsey28 @the-pale-goddess @ohchoices @wellhelloramsey @pitchblackstars @mvalentine @swiftlydarcy @utterlyinevitable @angela8756 @akshara16 @sushiharrington @drethanramslay @lion-ess24 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey

Sorry if some of the tags don’t work😓 Let me know if you want to be added or removed!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever: Changes

Intro: Dealing with the changes of growing older can be a right, royal pain…

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW, NO under 18s!”)

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So this all came from that damned photo of Evans and Dodger…and my mind went to a very warped place, sorry not sorry. (You can blame @icanfeelastormbrewing​ and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for encouragement!)

I love your re-blogs and comment, as always.

SSF Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

July 2029

The Rogers household was at times with three kids all under 10 was chaotic. Before school, after school, at dinner times and bed times. But later at night, it was quiet, a time for Steve and Katie to relax with one another, ready to face it all again the day after. Well, that is when Bucky and Sam weren’t around, eating them out of house and home.

Tonight was one of those nights. All younger kids in bed, Emmy away with Brooke in Miami attending some beach party, and getting up to all sorts of mischief which Steve didn’t want to think about, leaving the two of them to snuggle on the sofa with a beer and a glass of wine, simply taking time out. And it wasn’t like they had to talk either to enjoy it. Like right now, Katie was curled up, her back nestling into Steve’s side as his arm lay across her chest, her nose buried in a book. Steve was watching some documentary on the History Channel, every so often dropping a kiss to the back of her head as she would reach up to rub his arm.

Domestic? Yes. Mundane? Yes. Absolute bliss? Yes.

The door the living room pushed open and Stark wandered in, tail wagging as he flopped down on the rug next to the fireplace, rolling onto his back, his preferred sleeping position. Katie eyed him for a moment and snorted.

“Thinks he owns the place.” she muttered, reaching out for her glass of wine. Noticing it was empty she gave a low groan and sat up.

“I’ll go…” Steve offered but she shook her head.

“No, honestly its fine…you need one or?”

He nodded, draining his bottle and she took the empty off him.

She headed out of the room and as soon as she had left Stark hopped up onto the sofa, laying his head against Steve who chuckled, giving him an ear scratch, his concentration still on the TV.

“Seriously.” Katie deadpanned and he looked up as she placed their drinks on the table. “I was gone for like 3 minutes if that…”

Steve shrugged and gave her a grin. “Guess he wanted a snuggle.”

“I don’t give a shit. Down.” Katie said, looking at the dog. Stark glanced at her reproachfully and instead twisted slightly so that he was on his back, looking up at Steve. “Fine…don’t listen to me…Steve, move him.”

“But look at him, baby…” Steve chuckled, glancing down at the dog.

“He’s in my seat.”

“Awww he’s comfy…”

“Steve!” Katie said louder this time and he turned his head up to see his wife stood there, arms folded as she glared at him then the dog. “I’m being serious…”

“Don’t shout you’ll upset him.” Steve said, not being able to resist teasing her a little more, but where as she would normally just laugh and call him a jerk or a dumbass, her eyes narrowed and her face grew stony.

“I’m not fighting with a dog over a seat on my fucking couch.” she said, “I said move him Steve…”

“Ok…” Steve said, holding his hands up “Stark, down…”

The dog gave a huff and slid off the sofa and Katie settled back into her seat.  Steve glanced at her, his eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me like that Steven.” she warned him “You let that dog get away with murder.”

Steve took a deep breath, and bit back the response that she had been the same with Lucky. He knew now wasn’t the time so instead he made a joke “Well, I have a soft spot for Starks…” he muttered as he dropped a kiss to her lips.

“Yeah, and it’s gonna stay soft tonight too.” she said, pushing on his chest causing him to laugh. “Seriously though that dog’s a menace…” “He’s not that bad…” “Not that bad…” Katie sat up “Steve, 4 days after he arrived he ate 3 boxes of crayons-” “Yeah but it made his poop multi-coloured-” “He chewed up my favourite pair of Laboutins-” “I told you not to leave them by the stairs. I’ll buy you some new ones-“

“And last week he ate the keys to my Camero Steve, my fucking keys!”

“Yeah but you got them back-“ “And I put up with all of that…” she rambled on, her tone and pace increasing and Steve frowned slightly as he could sense now there wasn’t a bit of humour or good nature in her voice any more “What I’m not gonna put up with is him stealing my fucking seat next to my fucking husband on my fucking couch!”

She finished her rant and Steve blinked, raising his eyebrows.

“Are you done?” he asked her a moment later, his voice flat.

She took a deep breath and moved to grab her book, resuming her previous position. “Yes.”

“Feel better for getting that off your chest?”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Sounded like it to me.”

She groaned and slammed her book shut “I’m going upstairs…” Steve signed “Katie, come on sweetheart…don’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“All pissed off over the dog!” he said, shaking his head “You’re being ridiculous.”

As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he grimaced inwardly. The worst thing he could ever say in the middle of one of her outbursts was exactly that.

“Really… ok, well how’s this for ridiculous? You love the dog so much? You can sleep with him in his basket tonight…” she snarled at Steve, before she stormed out of the room.

Steve watched her go, his mouth dropping open before he let out a groan and threw himself back against the cushions. In a second Stark had jumped back up into the spot Katie had vacated.

“What the fuck just happened?” he asked the dog, who promptly thumped his tail as he turned his head to Steve, before sneezing straight in the soldier’s face.

******

“And that’s all you did?” Bucky eyed Steve suspiciously.

“Yeah…” Steve protested his innocence “She just absolutely lost it! Then she gave me the cold shoulder this morning, and maintained radio silence all day other than to reply with the word OK when I said I was coming out to meet you guys after work.”

“So is it all down to the dog then?” Bucky asked.

“Possibly.” Steve conceded “He’s a little…different to Lucky…”

He trailed off, pondering what Bucky had said, wondering if his best friend had hit the nail on the head. Stark had been with them just over 7 months now and whilst Katie wasn’t overly hostile towards him, she wasn’t as loving either as she had been with Lucky. Steve got it, well he thought he did, she’d loved Lucky to pieces, but Stark was just as good a dog. Ok, so he was a little boisterous and far more mischievous than Lucky had been and had taken time to settle in. And he still had a habit of eating and chewing things but, all in all, the kids loved him, Steve loved him…

“Well, whatever it is I do know one thing…” Sam said, drawing Steve’s attention back to him.

“What?”

“The more you try and make sense of it, the less sense it’s gonna make.” he shrugged “Dude she’s a woman, just…”

Steve shook his head, whilst Katie was prone to her little moments and bratty outbursts, he was normally pretty good at getting into her head and understanding what was wrong with her. That was something that came from knowing her for 17 years and being in love with her for 16. Or 17 as he often admitted to himself that he was pretty sure he’d fallen for her that day she’d given him her cell number as they waved goodbye to Thor. Hell, if you added in the 15 he'd spent back in time after taking the stones back it was over 30...

“She’s not like that.” Steve said, “Ok she can be a bit hormonal at times but…”

“There you have it, maybe it’s time of the month?” Bucky shrugged and Steve rolled his eyes.

“She’s never normally that bad…”

Sam pondered for a moment “How old is she?”

“45 just gone, why?”

Sam made a noise as he clicked is finger and pointed at Steve “Menopause?”

“What?” Steve looked at him as Bucky scoffed.

“Shut up Birdbrain.” Bucky shook his head “That’s far too young to-“ “I’m being serious man…” Sam shrugged “That’s about the time my mom started going through the change and it was like living with a fucking velociraptor…” Steve took another drink of his beer.

“She been having any other symptoms? Hot flushes? How’s the sex life?” Sam pressed.

Steve groaned, his neck and ears flushing “The sex is fine, it’s great, as always…” he trailed off, refusing to discuss this anymore but even as he shook his head he thought back to a moment a few days ago when Katie had been complaining that she was really warm, despite him cracking the AC on full whack.

Bucky, sensing Steve’s discomfort changed topic and they spent the rest of the evening discussing far less dangerous subjects than Katie’s potentially dwindling ovaries before they called it a night and set off home. Sam headed for the subway to go back into Manhattan whilst Steve and Bucky continued towards their relative homes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky said “She’ll be waiting when you get home with an apology, maybe in the form of a blow job…” Steve snorted “Maybe.” “And don’t listen to Sam. He talks shit.” Steve bid Bucky goodnight, and as he walked the few blocks back to their house he pulled his phone out and started googling symptoms of the menopause, grimacing as he read them.

Hot flushes, night sweats, weight gain, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, memory loss, sore or tender breasts, headaches, difficulty sleeping, vaginal dryness…

Fuck.

…a reduced sex drive

Double fuck.

…, mood swings, palpitations, joint stiffness, recurrent UTIs.

“Jesus” he groaned to himself, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He could attribute at least 10 of those to Katie over the past few months, remembering clearly the other day she’d flipped out at the fact her jeans were a little tight at the moment, and she’d had a banging headache yesterday morning, and had managed about 4 hours sleep…then there was the memory loss as she’d gone into the kitchen with the remote control and come back without it, having put it in the fridge, she’d complained last week her boobs were constantly sore…

Steve shook his head, if she was going through all this then she was entitled to be a little off and he was going to have to just put up with it as best he could.

He pressed his palm to the pad on the gate and once it was open enough he slipped through and walked to the door, sliding his key into the lock. Stark instantly shot out to greet him and after bending to give the dog loves he stood up and followed the soft tones of the piano to the den where Katie was playing with Rori on her lap already dressed for bed.

“Ok, now you try…” his wife said softly, and Rori placed her hands on the keys and began to track her mother’s movements.

“Almost…” Katie grinned, looking down at her, before her hands moved back and she played up a slowly “Try again.” This time Rori nailed it and let out a squeal as Katie laughed and dropped a kiss to her head.

“Nice work Princess…” Steve said, and they both turned to look at him.

“Daddy!” Rori said with a grin, shooting off the stool to run to him. He swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Hey.” he smiled at her “You had a good day?”

Rori nodded “We did err…that thing where you do the numbers with each other and…what was it momma?”

“Times tables.” Katie smiled and Rori nodded.

“Yeah that, and then we did some reading and I got a gold star for doing a full chapter.”

“No way!” Steve grinned “You’re a brainbox just like your ma.” “So Momma made us all tacos for tea as a treat and then I did some piano!”

“I saved you some.” Katie looked at Steve “Wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten or not.” “Thanks.” he smiled at her taking her gesture for exactly what he knew it was, an apology. “The boys in bed?”

“Harry is. Jamie is in his room on his computer.”

“Ok, I’ll pop up. You ready for bed munchkin?”

Rori nodded “Story time?”

“You bet.”

With Rori in his arms he crossed the room to drop a kiss to Katie’s head before he took his daughter upstairs, Stark following. By the time he’d read Rori a story, tucked her in, checked on Harry and then had a hushed argument with Jamie about how he had another 30 minutes before lights almost 40 minutes had passed before he finally headed downstairs.

Katie was in the kitchen loading stuff into the dishwasher and he made his way over, wrapping his arms round her waist.

“I’m sorry.” she said gently, turning to face him, her hands gently scratching at his beard “I was out of order yesterday…” “It’s ok…” “No, it’s not.” she sighed “I’ve been up and down all over the last few months and taking it out on you and the kids isn’t fair.”

“Do you know why?” Steve asked, wondering how on earth he was going to broach the subject.

“Yeah, well, maybe. I spoke to Pepper before when she rang asking what time she should send Happy for the kids tomorrow, and she suggested I might be…” Katie took a deep breath “…going through the change, so to speak…” If Pepper had been in the room right there and then, Steve would have probably kissed her for being the one to bring this up so he didn’t have to.

“Anyway, I’ve made an appointment to go to the Doctor’s tomorrow.” Katie shrugged.

“Do you want me to come?” Steve asked.

“No.” she said, “It’s the middle of the afternoon. You’ll be in class.” “Ok.” he said, “Well, whatever it is we’ll work it together, yeah” “I know.” she smiled, as he leaned down to give her a kiss.

“And as the kids are at Peppers tomorrow, I think that means we can spend a bit of time alone…” he nudged her nose with his and she smiled “Take out, bottle of wine…” “The dog…” she smirked and Steve laughed.

“I’ll lock him in the hallway…” “You can’t do that to him!” she said, scoffing. “Poor Stark…”

“You hated him yesterday…”

“I don’t hate him.” she said softly “He’s just not Lucky…but Jamie made me realise something before. He pointed out that he has so many little personality traits that are different to Lucky…he’s his own dog, in his own right…I’ve not really been fair to him…”

“Hey…” he said, spotting the tears in her eyes. “Honey don’t…” “See!” she blurted out, spluttering a laugh as she wiped at her face “This is fucking ridiculous…”

Steve chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her again and she pressed her cheek into his t-shirt, breathing in his smell as she always did when she needed to ground herself. A mixture of the sandalwood notes in his aftershave, the soft linen smell of his clothes and, well, another smell, a manly type of note that she simply called his Steve scent. One that she insisted no other man smelt like and that she told him she was convinced came from the serum.

“I don’t wanna be going through the menopause” she moaned, “I don’t wanna get old, and wrinkly, and fat and…barren…”

At that Steve laughed, because he couldn’t fucking help it.

“Barren?” he looked down at her, shaking his head “You’re such an idiot…we have 4 kids…you gave birth to 3 of them.” “Don’t remind me.” she pulled back and narrowed her eyes “Rori’s birth still haunts me.”

“You know I was so proud of you that day.” he smiled at her. “Still am.”

“I’ve never been so frightened in my life.” she said, “And I mean that…even when we fought…and Tony…” she trailed off and swallowed “But I’d do it all again in a heartbeat because she’s so damned perfect and amazing…”

Something washed over Steve at her words, a feeling of pure love but also unadulterated absolute, heartfelt desire and he tipped his wife’s chin up so that she was looking directly at him, and he dropped his face.

“God I fucking love you…” he mumbled, pressing his lips to hers again, his arms pulling her closer.

“Yeah?” she asked as his hands moved to her hips and he gently lifted her up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” he said, standing in between her legs, his mouth dropping to her neck. She rolled her head back, giving him better access as he nipped at her pulse-point, before his lips moved to that hollow at the bottom of her throat, his beard scratching her skin. She let out a soft sigh as he smirked a little, her legs hooking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Want something baby girl?” he asked and she let out a groan at his words.

“Yeah, you…” she said, shamelessly.

“Well we all know that you always get what you want, brat…” he muttered, his lips sliding up to hers and he kissed her hard, his tongue sliding against hers as his hands moved to pop the button on her denim shots before he gently grasped at the waistband and she shifted to allow him to pull them down over her legs, tossing them to one side. His hands slip up underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling down one side of her bra, his hands gently teasing at her nipple, all the time listening to the soft noises and groans she was making as he continued, his nose brushing against hers, smiling softly.

“You like that?” he whispered, knowing full well that she did, but he knew she liked his soft dirty talk and she gave a sigh and a nod, followed by a little squeak as he pushed two fingers insider her.

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder as her hands grasped at his back through his T-shirt, and as he continued to stroke and coax her she bit down on his neck causing him to hiss slightly at the bite of pain.

“Need you…” she purred into his ear “Please.”

And when she asked like that, he was always powerless to refuse. This woman was his absolute weakness.

He moved his head to kiss her again, and removing his hand from her panties he reached up and pulled them down before he stood up, and she reached for his belt, opening it easily and quickly before doing the same to the button and zip on his jeans. She pushed them down, over his hips as Steve’s hands moved to her back and he gently pulled her forwards, sliding her towards him, letting her feel how ready he was. She reached down and gently gave his hard cock a pump up and down and he let out a groan as he pulled her off the counter slightly, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms round his neck, her lower back resting against the side of the worktop both of them letting out a load moan of satisfaction as he pushed forward, all the way home.

Steve’s head dropped to Katie’s shoulder, his mouth once more on the pulse point in her neck as he thrust again, his hands on her back, keeping her supported slightly

“God you feel so good…” he said, his lips moving back to hers as he set a pace that was torturously slow, and deep, and loving. Thrust after thrust he kept his lips either on hers or centimetres away, watching her intently as her pupils blew as he worked her up, driving into her, as deep as he could go, one hand resting at the back of her spine to keep her back from slamming into the harsh marble edge of the counter, the other guiding her head so he could kiss her, hard.

Her hands moved, the nails scraping lightly at the nape of his neck, and Steve felt himself falter for a split second at her touch.  

“Fuck doll…” he groaned into her mouth as she grinned cheekily, her hands sliding down to his bare ass as she urged him on, desperate for him to pick up the pace. So be obliged, giving her what she wanted.

Because he always did.

She held on to his ass for dear life, moaning with her body arching in his hands, the fabric of his jeans chafed delectably against her thighs, the belt buckle hitting her hard with every thrust and before long she let out a loud groan, her hands tightening on his skin as she cried out as he quickened his pace even more, causing her to gasp his name, a broken mumble of the word “Stevie…” before she let out a breathless gasp, her voice catching in her throat as the world began to tip on its axis.

“Come on, come for me doll…” he whispered, his breath hot on her ear. And that was it, she dropped over the edge, her head falling back as her hands slid up and grasped tightly on the hem of his shirt as she clenched around him, again and again, groaning and trembling, powerless to stop her body’s reactions. It took him another couple of thrusts before he gave a soft “oh” of pleasure, her name tumbled from his mouth before he bit down on her shoulder softly, reacting his own end. He gave a few erratic thrusts, pumping with short, deep strokes which sent Katie over another peak, but this was feeble as she collapsed forward, her head laying on his shoulder, utterly spent.

They stayed still for a moment, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the wall as Steve gently held his wife to him, as they both evened out from their high.

“Love you…” she said softly, kissing the tip of his nose causing him to smile, that cheeky smile he saved just for her before his lips met hers again

“Good, because I love you too pretty girl, more than you could ever know.”

***** If he was honest, Steve had forgotten all about Katie’s appointment until just after lunch, when he ushered his students into the seminar room and smiled at one of them, a small, slight red head, also called Katie. With a quick curse at himself, he fired his wife a text telling her to call him when she’d been seen, and that he loved her, before he closed the door and sat down in his chair and began to talk the group through the notes from the lecture before he invited them to discuss the subject of Money, impressionism and the understanding how the juxta positioning of colours against one another reflected the effects of light on objects.

Katie didn’t reply, other than to say that she was ok, the appointment had been fine and that Happy was on his way to collect the kids to take them to Pepper’s for the weekend. He’d said goodbye to them this morning, the 3 of them not in the slightest bit bothered they wouldn’t see him until Sunday, which was always something that slightly peeved him a little, but also made him glad that they had a good time with the Auntie and Cousin whilst they were at the lake house. It was important to him, and Katie, that their kids kept a good relationship with Pepper and Morgan, as they’d all be so close before Tony had died, so once a month all their kids headed up there, and then 2 weeks later Morgan would spend the weekend with them.

Steve drove the relatively short distance home and walked into the house, finding Katie at the kitchen table, face-timing Emmy and Brooke. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and waved at his eldest and he best friend, joining in the chat until they declared they had to get ready for the next round of partying and bid them both goodbye. Katie dropped the phone to the table as Steve stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Katie waved off his offer and ran her hands over her face, a tired expression on her features as she stood up.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, a little concerned as he flipped the lid off his beer. “Yeah…” she nodded, her eyes flickering to the white bag on the table which bore the Pharmacy logo on the front.

“I take it the Doctors gave you something then, for the…” he said, nodding towards it, taking a drink from the bottle. “It’s not the menopause.” she cut him off, shaking her head.

Steve frowned, “It’s not.” “No, I err…” she swallowed and looked at him “Steve, you might wanna sit down.”

“Are you sick?” Steve frowned, ignoring her instruction, his mind flying all over the place. That was his worst nightmare; that she got sick and it was serious, meaning she’d end up leaving him and the kids behind…

“Steve…” “Baby you’re worrying me…”

“I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.

The bottle Steve was holding slipped from his hand and landed on the tiles, shattering at his feet, showering the bottoms of his trousers in beer but he paid it no attention. Instead, he blinked, his wife’s words echoing around his head.

“Pregnant…” he whispered. “How, I mean…you’re on the pill…”

Katie shrugged “It can happen, apparently, and of course it would happen to us…”

Steve looked at her as she stood, her eyes locked onto his. They had certainly not planned this, one iota. Harry was meant to be their last, their little “one more” as they’d put it. But here they were, with another “one more” on the way.

“I…” Steve was struggling to find his words. “Honey…this…I…shit…”

“You know I expect this one…” she pointed to her belly “To be more articulate than you’re being right now when they’re two…”

He looked at her, blinked and then his face split into a huge grin and he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in an excited kiss. “Oh my baby momma…” he pulled back, his hands cupping her face as she smiled up at him and he grinned cheekily “I got you pregnant 4 times…”

“Yeah, now I come to think of it the plants in the hallway are withering a little. Maybe you can go jerk off in the pots, bring them back to life.” she quipped.

“I’d rather fuck you if it’s all the same…” he grinned, reaching down and grabbing the back of her thighs, hauling her up against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Take me to bed Soldier” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and not one who needed asking twice, Steve kissed her again before he backed them out of the kitchen.

N/B SURPRISE MOFOS…BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!! Baby Rogers no 5 is on the way!!!!!

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[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 14

"Look all I'm saying is that people have been in and out of here all day. Maybe he just got in with one of the other guests" Bucky said i pulled out my bags and started throwing my clothes inside.

"Im not willing to take that chance Bucky!" I snapped "as long as I'm here I'm putting you and the girls in danger! You dont know what his capable of!" 

"You think I'm gonna let him close enough to hurt you and the girls??"

"He already got close enough! he took photo's of me in the shower!!! Christ he could've done more if he wanted to but his playing with us! Its all a game to him"

"One his not gonna win"

"His already winning dont you see that?" I cried covering my face with my hands.

"Baby i cant loose you!" Bucky said clearly panicking as he pulled me into his arms "dont let him win I'm begging you, you belong here with us"

"Your not gonna loose me Bucky" i mumbled into his chest as i wrapped my arms around him "I just think it'd be better if i go back to my place. Until Jack is caught, its safer for the girls if I'm not here"

"No!" He snapped leaning back to look at me.

"No?"

"Im not letting you go back there alone thats crazy! we'll be fine here....the girls will be fine. I'll check the house with Steve and Sam make sure his not here still.... i'll change the alarm codes.... the safest place for you and the girls is here with me"

"But...."

"No buts, your mine, he can't have you" he said pressing his lips to mine "I'll even get Steve to stay while we sort this out".

"Bucky if anything were to happen to those girls id never forgive myself"

"They will be fine babe"

"You really believe that?"

"I do. Id never put them at risk"

"Okay...."

Sleep was hard to come by that night, once i knew Bucky was asleep i carefully slipped out of bed and grabbed his sweater off the back of the chair before heading downstairs. I made a cup of coffee and went to sit on the sofa, my face turned towards my shoulder so i could inhale Bucky's calming scent off his sweater. My phone that was on the table next to my steaming mug of coffee started to vibrate.

"Unknown Number Calling" flashed on the front, i knew it was Jack.... who else would be calling me at 3am? I reached for the phone and hit the green button connecting the call.

"What?" I mumbled trying to keep the nerves i was feeling in check.

"Hey baby" he replied sounding smug as fuck, if i could guess id say he was smiling "you look tired.... you not sleeping properly?"

"What do you want Jack?" I sighed shaking my head, there was no way he could see me... all the curtains were closed so i knew he couldn't be lurking outside watching me.

"I told you already. I. Want. You."

"Too bad. You can't have me"

"Oh sweetheart you know thats not true"

"Jack your fucking delusional! There is no version of this that ends with us back together! Go find someone else, your good at that! In fact why dont you give Lucy a call? I'm sure she'd welcome your attention" i said referring to my ex best friend that he had cheated with.

"I told you i made a mistake with her. I was stupid i know that now.... but if you just give me another chance you'll see we're meant to be together"

"No! Jack i dont want anything to do with you!! if i never saw you again...that would be too soon!! please just leave me alone!"

"Never" he growled down the phone "if i can't have you no one can" he added before the line disconnected. Once i knew the call had ended i broke down, finally letting the tears fall.

"Y/N?..... sweetheart you okay?"

I looked up to see Steve standing in the doorway in black sweat pants, his hair a mess. As soon as he realised i was crying his rushed to my side gathering me in his arms and holding me tight.

"Whats wrong?"

"Jack.... hh...he just called me" i said holding onto Steve like my life depended on it.

"He what?! what did he say?"

"The same old shit his been saying, that he wants me back.....it was, it was what he said before he hung up" i looked up at Steve and took a deep breath "he said if he cant have me no one can. Steve, what if he goes after Bucky??"

"Bucky can handle himself darlin'..... im more concerned that he'll try and hurt you. If he knows you won't go back to him....."

"Oh my god......" i started to panic as i thought about Jack coming after me and that he might actually kill me...."that way no one gets me" i whispered.

"Hey, we wont let anything happen to you okay?"

"Im so tired Steve" i cried burying my face against his bare chest.

"Try and get some sleep sweetheart"

"I cant, what if his watching....."

"We checked the house, his not here"

"I know that but i can't switch off! I need to be awake incase.... i need to make sure the girls are safe"

"The girls are safe.... YOU are safe i promise" he said kissing the top of my head as his hand stroked up and down my back soothingly.

"Doll?" I heard Bucky's sleep ridden voice say as he walked into the living room "Steve?.... whats going on?"

"I came down for some water found her crying on the sofa, Jack called her" Steve told Bucky as he closed the gap between us, Steve instantly passing me into Bucky's arms.

"Take her back to bed Buck she needs to sleep"

"I cant....." i started to say with wide eyes.

"You can, i'll stay awake"

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart. Now go get some sleep"

"His right, come on" Bucky took my hand and started to lead the way back upstairs "we'll talk in the morning?" He turned to his friend with a concerned look on his face.

"Sure" Steve nodded at his best friend.

"Thank you Steve" i called over my shoulder, he was already switching on the TV to find something to watch while he kept watch for the night.

"No trouble at all sweetheart, goodnight"

"Goodnight" i smiled back.

I was laying in bed tangled in Bucky, his arms wrapped around me and our legs tangled together, my fingers gently stroking up and down his arm as my eyes wandered around the room, all sorts of things running through my mind. I felt his arms tighten around me and his face snuggle against my neck as he started to wake up.

"Morning beautiful" he said quietly pressing kisses behind my ear.

"Morning"

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Some" i nodded and shrugged a shoulder before turning to look at him. Bucky was so beautiful, i could look at him forever and never get tired of the sight. "I love you" i said trailing my fingers over his beard, a smile spread across his face instantly.

"I love you more"

"Sure you do" i rolled my eyes before giggling as he started to tickle my sides.

After finally dragging ourselves out of bed we went down for breakfast, Steve was already sat down with the girls, Rosie sitting in his lap.

"Morning" he looked up smiling as we walked in.

"Hey pal"

"Morning Stevie" i smiled before walking over to the coffee pot.

"You feeling better? Get some sleep?"

"Mmhmmm" i nodded before taking a seat next to Brooke.

"Really?"

"She got a couple of hours" Bucky added sitting across from me next to Allie.

"Good, Becca called earlier by the way, wanted to take the girls out for the day. She said you were okay with it, she asked at the party?"

"Oh yeah she did"

"I told her i'd drop them off on my way home, i need to go grab a change of clothes"

"That'd be great actually"

"Thats settled then. I was thinking, you should call Sam and report Jacks call last night.... they should have record of it"

"Yeah i thought so to" Bucky nodded taking a mouthful of his coffee.

Steve and the girls had left half hour ago and the house was eerily quiet without them around. Bucky had called Sam and told him all about the phone call i had received from Jack, Sam was going to look into it ASAP.

We had settled on the sofa to watch a movie and make the most of some alone time with no interruptions from the girls. It quickly led to a heated make out session and some good old fucking on the sofa.

"Your sofa is better for this by the way" Bucky chuckled as his naked ass squeaked on the leather making me cackle loudly.

"My sofa is definitely better for this" i agreed "We should probably get dressed before Steve comes back, i dont think he'd appreciate walking in to our naked asses on the sofa" i laughed against Bucky's chest.

"Yeah i guess so".

We reluctantly started to gather our clothes and get dressed, a cell phone ringing got our attention. We both started lifting various items of clothing looking for the phone.

"Its yours" i said handing Bucky his phone before pulling my sweater over my head.

"Barnes" he answered in his 'work voice' "your fucking kidding me..... no! Chloe that should have been done last week and filed already!" He moaned running a hand through his hair "he wont accept it until i sign it? Fuck sake!"

"Bucky if you need to go in i'll be okay" i said quietly so Chloe wouldn't hear me.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes" he snapped before hanging up the phone "I cant believe that girl sometimes! i told her to file this case a week ago! Now they need my signature...."

"Its fine Buck, Steve will be back soon anyway i wont be alone for long. I'll lock the door once you leave and set the alarm"

"You sure? You could come with me...."

"Id rather just stay here, i'll go have a bath and maybe try and get some more sleep now you've worn me out" i chuckled.

"Oh but now i wanna stay and join you!" He moaned leaning in to kiss me.

"I'll wait for you to get back for the bath then"

"I'll be quick!" he laughed jumping up getting his keys and heading out. I couldn't help but laugh at what a dork he could be at times. I watched him drive away waving through his open window then locked the door behind him once he was gone and set the alarm before heading back into the living room, i straightened up the sofa and made sure it was clean and tidying before making my way into the kitchen.

I was wiping the table over clearing up bits of cereal that the girls had spilt when my phone started ringing. I thought about ignoring it at first, i wasn't in the mood for another call from Jack! But then i thought it might be Bucky or Steve checking in so went back to the living room to get my phone.

I was a little surprised to see it was Sam calling me.

"Hey Sam, you looking for Buck cause his just had to go into work real quick"

"No, no I'm not looking for Buck, wait are you at home on your own right now?"

"Yeah, he'll be back within the hour, im fine the doors are locked and the alarm is set"

"Y/N i need you to stay calm and listen to me...... i need you to leave, just get out of that house" he said sounding panicked.

"What?.... why?" I felt my heart start to race.

"I traced that call, it came from within the house!!"

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