#The funniest thing? She's actually an amazing driver

[thisiswasabis]

And this, Ladies and Gentleman, is the effect of Amnesio's driving

[moemoemammon]

You are fr the funniest person I seen write about obey me 💀 if I can request ~ what if MC is learning how to drive and the brothers are in the passenger seat either wanting to witness this chaos or helping MC?? Like MC slamming on the breaks, quick sharp turns and other stuff hehe ~ ty

Hit the Brakes, MC-!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

There is a reason only he and Mammon own a car. Despite being a moron, he's the only one Lucifer could trust to handle it responsibly, more or less. But you insist on learning, for some reason, and we all know the old man is weak to your mysterious MC charms.

He was confident in his ability to teach you properly, even as you put your deadly hands on the steering wheel.

Lucifer gives pretty clear and direct instructions, so it’s easy for you to catch on. After you give him an aneurysm, of course.

Never in his life has Lucifer gripped a car door so hard. He swore you were going to blaze through a red light at an intersection, but instead you slammed the brakes so hard his head nearly flew off from the whiplash.

“...PERHAPS it would be best for you to slow down BEFORE you’re only a foot away from your stop, hm? There’s no need to be in such a hurry. At this rate, we might have to practice for longer than I’d thought...”

Mammon

There's no way in hell anyone but MAMMON would be allowed to hop into the driver's seat of his precious Demonio 666 Lexura!

That is, unless your name happens to be MC. Then all you've gotta do is bat your lashes a couple of times and she's all yours to take for a spin. B-but only for a little while, so don’t get too cozy!

And now he's deeply regretting that. You know how he usually jumps into things without thinking first? Yeah, that's this. His instructions are less technical and more casual and easy to understand, but it’ll take a little more finesse before you’re ready for that license. 

His poor Demonio... He nearly had a heart attack with how wide your turn was around a curb. He thought the two of you were gonna flip over or something! THIS IS NOT A GO CART MC-

“OI! W-w-watch that curb! Don’t go gettin’ any scratches in the- UWAH!! What the hell are ya lookin’ at?! That’s red! RED!!!”

Levi

With the amazing innovations of virtual reality technology, and a sprinkle of magic, the possibilities of what you can do in a game are endless! That being said, it’s obvious you’d be able to take your driving lessons to VR without worrying about a lack of realism. That’s the only way Levi would teach you anyway-

He doesn’t have to worry about you crashing and exploding either, since it’s only a game! Yet...despite knowing that, Levi is suddenly fearing for his life....

His instructions consist of gamer slang so good luck deciphering all of that lmao

Levi prays to whoever’s up there that might be listening, because when you took a turn so sharp you nearly did a donut, he thought he was about to be welcomed into the arms of the Lord. He’s trying SO hard not to be a backseat gamer driver, but you’re seriously killing him, MC...

“Maybe if you- LOOK OUT!! U-uwaaah.... Don’t go so fast next time! And if you need to take a turn- WATCH OUT FOR THOSE NPCS!!!!"

Satan

He’s read enough to know how to operate a wide variety of vehicles, but book smarts can only take you so far. If you’re looking to pass your written test, he’s your man. The driving part? Uhh...

Satan likes to think he’s got a lot of patience, especially when it comes to you. But your hard stops and jerky starts are going to make him go insane. 

Regardless, he clears his throat and tries again. His advice can be a little overwhelming sometimes, but at least he's good at teaching you the road rules? So you don't have any trouble with blazing through stop signs.

Yeah... There's no spells he knows of that could give you a hand in your driving. This'll take some careful practice, and Satan might not be the best guy for the job considering he's never actually operated a vehicle.

“I thought I wouldn’t have any trouble teaching you, but I never realized how complicated driving can be. There’s a lot that wasn’t included in the books, and- ah, don’t look so glum. It’s fine if you put a few dents in the car. This is Lucifer’s, remember?”

Asmo

Bold of you to assume this twink knows how to drive. Asmo likes being the passenger more than the driver, you know? 

So when you ask HIM of all people to teach you to drive, he’s not so sure if he’ll be a big help. But who could say no to that adorable face of yours? Certainly not him.

But now he’s wishing he did once you get behind the wheel and kick it into light speed. He was hoping for a leisurely cruise through the streets of the Devildom, not a fight for his gotdamn life-

Driving advice? Yeah no, he's way too busy trying to fix his hair in the car's mirror. If he's going to be displayed all over the Devildom, he has to look good! Though your hard stops that shake the life out of him don't really help-

“MC dear, d-do you think you could drive a little slower? My hair is going to be ruined at this rate.... Ugh... the wind is drying out my skin... Let's ask someone else for help next time, okay?"

Beel

what’s a car-

Uh, can Beel even drive? Does he fit in a car comfortably?? Maybe you should ask someone else. He likes being active, and all his favorite food stops are within walking distance, so there’s not much of a need to go for a drive, is there?

But he’s glad to be there for emotional support regardless, since you need a plus one in order to go anywhere. He doesn't react to your rough handling of the car, so you don't have to worry about a screaming passenger. Lucky!

You’re also gonna get a LOT of parking experience with how frequently Beel asks you to stop. All this driving is making him hungry.

“Could we stop by Uncle Demon’s? I’d like to bring some donuts home. Oh, and AkuDonald’s is having a buy one get one special on their meals. Let’s go to Hell’s Kitchen, too. A black tapir sandwich with tartar sauce sounds good...”

Belphie

Another twink who may or may not know how to drive. Has he even touched a steering wheel before? He’s watched Mammon and Levi play driving games if that counts for anything. 

Also prefers to be the passenger, so he doesn’t really mind going for a ride with you. A carefree car ride puts him to sleep right away. As does everything else.

Yeah, he’s not much help when it comes to actual, useful driving advice. This man is knocked out the moment you hit the gas, and snores the entire way down the road.

It’s a good thing he’s such a heavy sleeper so he won’t be subjected to your lack of driving skills, but you can’t help but wince every time you hit the breaks a little too hard and his head thumps against the car’s interior-

“Hm..? We’re home already? I guess I slept the entire way and didn’t notice. I’d say it was a good nap, but for some reason I’ve got a splitting headache...”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Omg do you have more cute hcs with the lov and class1a/1b

I dont care how long or short it is, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE READING THEM 💕💕💕💕💖 😊😊

Theyre so comforting <333

YES I HAVE A BUNCH. COME TAKE IT ALL.

Tomura is an expert in video games, right? Well, he's currently working from afar with Hatsume and Melissa to create a VR system to help the kids at UA train.

Everything because the first thing he did when meeting Nezu was telling him the UA system sucked.

No more public exposure, no more simple barriers keeping away the villains from the kids, no more pushing them to dangerous places with no proper supervision.

The new job of the League when it comes to working is the UA is keeping the place as safe as possible and helping the kids recover from the trauma of the war.

Dabi doesn't like working directly with the kids, so his job consist on patrolling around the UA. In case a crisis is reported, he's the first at the place and his job is to keep the crisis on minimum 'til the teachers arrive.

The funniest part is the type of crisis he has solved so far. They include:

Helping people with their crushes because they tried to confess and caused an accident. (Dabi has the fun of his life with it, being honest).

Accidents in the kitchen. (No much he can do except using Shoto as a way of taking down the flames).

Stupid fights (He is banned from helping in those since he cheered for Shoto when he was fistfighting Iida for saying something to Midoriya).

And his favorite: keeping Mineta at bay. Dabi is not the type of gentleman that defends women constantly, because he just doesn't care about helping anyone. But Mineta is a type of gross he would have incinerate in the streets if he was a man and not a kid. So instead, he just walks from a safe distance and keeps scaring the kid when he's about to annoy one of the girls.

Tomura always find Dabi is the halls complaining about the no smoking rule

They make fun of each other a little until they realize they should be working and there are kids staring at them.

Class 1-A talks about Dabi like the older brother who was in jail.

Oh, but Dabi told me...

They are actually well informed about a bunch of stuff and they know how to take care of street criminals better now.

Ah, but they're also the ones who check if he is not drinking too much, if he's having proper rest, if his burns and staples are taken care of, if he's not too anxious or depressed, if hes' taking his meds...

If he's not following one of those, they call Natsuo. Oh man, Natsuo has become the emergency contact of half the League somehow. Maybe because he has a golden heart or maybe because they all are scared of Fuyumi by some weird reason.

Shoto is the other emergency contact when it comes to Dabi, hmmm, but sometimes he just follows Dabi bad example and well.

Dabi is the anti-Santa. He's gonna give you that one gift you wanted but everyone said no because it's dangerous.

"Dabi, I'm trying to make a safer space for the kids" , "Tomura, I'm trying to make them relax".

After getting fired twice by Aizawa, Dabi is finally behaving.

This has nothing to do with the fact that he's finally dating Tomura tho.

WHICH TAKE US TO: SPINNER, THE BROTHER WHO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.

Spinner works in the same thing as Dabi, but he's the reliable one.

Getting Uraraka down when she starts floating on her sleep, calming people down when they're having anxiety attacks, noting when someone is having a bad day and requesting the teachers to let the person rest...

Spinner is the one actually helping them with their ptsd. He makes everything so easy and pleasant. It's like they're just kids taking classes and having fun.

Besides, class 1-B knows he is amazing at cuddling and people love his hugs. Just by seeing Spinner, they cheer up.

He and Shinso are responsible for the purple hair tendency among the kids of General Studies. Their heroes.

He's also the one who helps the kids with their training sessions when they need a partner but there's no one else to help them.

He became one of the official bus drivers of the school after taking some lessons and requesting a license.

He sings with them while they travel, he always has snacks in case someone is hungry and he has pills in case someone is motion sick. Well, a bunch of pills since Dabi is always motion sick.

He had a crush on Tomura but he realized it was more platonic than anything.

Now now, Tomura and Spinner have matching gamer tattoos that said Player #1 and Player #2. Dumbasses in action.

If Dabi is the problematic uncle and Spinner is the responsible uncle...

That leave us with: Compress the artistic dad and Kurogiri the dad who's always working far away but you can totally rely on.

THE VIDEO CALLS WITH KUROGIRI AND COMPRESS ARE SO CUTE.

101 Flirting with Compress.

All the kids in all courses have a personalized mask. Compress is addicted to creating them.

His beautiful, mischievous kids that once, trying to distract him, stole his prosthesis and kept it going around the school from room to room.

Turns out it was a surprise party, but man if it was fun because Compress pretended the whole time he was a pirate looking for his long buried treasure.

HE GOT A PARROT AND HE NAMED HIM RED BEAK.

Bakugo almost exploded the whole place after hearing such a ridiculous name.

Well, Red Beak loves making fun of Bakugo, repeating everything he says.

RED BEAK AND KIRISHIMA ARE BESTIES. YES YES.

The Bakusquad would kill for Red Beak.

Sero is teaching him Spanish, Mina is teaching him to dance, Denki is teaching him bad jokes and Jirou is teaching him to sing.

Tokoyami is the official protector of Red Beak. Koda is the translator.

On the other hand, Kurogiri always gives them some honey and other things when he visits the school.

He congratulates them on their achievements, he hears them for hours talking about their adventures and he is the old friend you call when it's 3am, you're feeling bad but you don't want to worry no one else.

If you want to solve a problem, call Kurogiri. He's gonna give you the clues but let you solve it yourself.

The award for the dad with more patience goes to: KUROGIRI.

If you really really need to run away from some hours, he can use his quirk to rescue you and he would prepare some tea for you, wrap you in a soft sweater and walk with you through his yard. You can pick flowers or fruit with him until you calm down. Or you can watch old movies with him. Or bake. Being with him is like floating around in the sky, no worries, just clouds and stars and soft noises and lights.

The school always knows when it happens and they are okay with it. Mostly. Just don't do it too much.

Toga is another good option if you need to talk but you don't know with who.

She's actually a great listener and an expert on making things look less stressing than they are. You see, she pays attention at your triggers and moods and if she sees something is bothering the students, she finds a way to distract them immediately, while letting the teachers deal with the problem.

Ah, the queen of gossip.

If you want to know something about someone you need to pay the prize, tho. And she won't even tell you if she considers the secret must be guarded 'til the grave.

She's the one who takes the messages to the parents because she's fast, can hide at plain sight and doesn't put them in danger.

You never know where Toga is. She someone studies like the rest of them, but she's like, selected to secret missions. She has a lot of info but they all trust her somehow.

Maybe is the fact that she would kill and take a stab for you. And that she would never put Deku or Ochaco in danger. Or her family.

She's also Mineta's biggest nightmare.

Try sexualizing the girl and win a terrifying week, courtesy of Toga Himiko.

She won't let you sleep, she won't let you eat, you're gonna wish you were never born. She can make you feel as sexualized, observed and stalked as you make the girls feel. Oh, she's gonna show you exactly how it feels to be a girl.

Also don't sexualize the boys around her either. Stabby queen is not gentle to those who are not gentle with her friends. Period.

Friendly reminder: 0 stabbing accidents since she started studying at UA.

BECAUSE THEY GAVE HER A RUBBER KNIFE.

And finally, the Tomura headcanons.

He's always falling asleep on odd places. The kids have a new name called "let's put a blanket on Tomura".

And then they call Dabi or Spinner to take him somewhere more comfortable.

He's working so hard. He's really working so hard on redeeming himself, even when everyone has already forgiven him. But he has this fear of being a failure or being too much...

The kids are also well trained on how to help him through his anxiety or panic attacks. Even more, some of them have always a pair of gloves in them just in case.

Momo is more than happy to make him more.

It's kinda sad how much he's suffering even now. That's way they all do their best to let him know his doing great.

Kisses in the cheek, compliments on how he's looking, new products to his hair and skin, playing the games he recommends, telling how badass he is when he trains them...

Somehow being around Tomura has help them realize how important is communicating stuff. They all are way healthier now.

Tomura is just... So sincere. He's been instructed to share his thoughts, because he had a problem before with communicating properly. That means he used to forget saying certain information because it was obvious to him, but not to others.

He doesn't mean to hurt people. He's just saying what he thinks. Which also means he offends a bunch of people not by accident. And he doesn't apologize because he is just doing what he's been told.

Midoriya and Shigaraki's discussions are epic. And so are their fights. Yes, they fight like siblings. Which is crazy funny because they are like "friendly reminder you tried to KILL ME" and "WELL YOU DESERVED THAT FOR BEING A DICK".

They've finally found out that you can complain to him or get a little violent and he's not gonna even blink, just hear you out.

It was because Bakugo got a little violent with him and yeah, he just stared back waiting.

You can't imagine Dabi's anger when Tomura told him about Kotaro. He was frustrated because at least Tomura did step on Endeavor and humiliated him for life, but him? He is angry with a man that's dead and gone.

Okay no, the whole League is angry about the things that has happened to the whole League. That's the thing with finally being able to relax and feel. It all comes back in a flood.

They have prohibited being around school when the parents visit. Specially because they are no very civil to shitty parents.

And if a kid confess about having shitty parents, oh boy. The League is gonna BE PISSED.

The UA is still a total chaos, but now in the right ways. They have more normal problems, they don't have to win war and kill evil lords, they complain about not having money to go out and forgetting their homework. And the ex-villians can complain about life being boring a needing more action.

That's a good thing. That means they all are healing, together.

They're gonna be fine.

[uh-velkommen]

The White Lotus, HBOMax

Alright four episodes in and things are finally starting to ramp up. My face throughout the whole episode was stuck on discomfort. This show packs so much tension in every 45 minutes that I'm constantly waiting for somebody to pop off or something crazy to happen but instead we get teased with the smallest little plot pusher. Which is working. I'm officially intrigued. I do wish I knew the overall point of the show because that's what would've helped me decide if I wanted to keep up with but now my determination to find out how this all ends is doing just that...

Character breakdown + Spoilers/Predictions

Armond: The manager of the White Lotus resort. I love him in all his poor choices. He's just constant chaos simply because he has the power to create it. He's also the biggest driver of drama. He lies a lot, almost pathologically, and he will carry those lies to the grave for no real reason.

Nicole Mossbacher: Resort guest, Mark's wife, and Olivia and Quinn's mom. She's a pretty basic character who is teased about possibly having OCD and working during vacation. She was pretty chill in the first 2 episodes but every once in a while she says things that gives off I'm a centrist but my views lean a little more conservative.

Mark Mossbacher: In the beginning he's stressing about possibly having testicular cancer because his father died of cancer... Turns out his father had AIDs. He has a depressive episode over his dad being gay and then, while drunk, he inadvertently comes onto the Armond. The next day Armond tests the waters with Sober Mark and we get uncomfortably funny scenes of Armond coming onto Mark in front of the whole family. Mark's a very passive dude who doesn't do anything exciting in the show but we just find out that he has, in the past, repeatedly cheated on his wife and didn't tell her (he told his son that he did tell Nicole but I don't believe it) I think his theme is just being genuinely unhappy with his life at the moment.

Olivia Mossbacher: She's a college sophmore and has many moments where she calls out her parents questionable statements. She carries herself with a weird nonchalance where you'd think she's a mean girl but she's only ever expectedly mean to her brother. However, she brought along her friend Paula and we start to see that their friendship is built on some unspoken competition. The girls do tons of drugs on vacay until Armond gets his hands on them and breaks his 5 year sobriety. This is when and why shit starts to hit the fan. They know he stole the drugs but because everyone avoids admitting to having illegal drugs, no one is ever outright accused.

Paula: Olivia's poc friend, possible hypochondriac, and supplier of drugs, has secret rendezvous with one of the Hawaiian native resort workers. She refuses to say anything when asked about her nightly disappearances but Olivia knows why or for whom Paula keeps sneaking off. We learn that Paula doesn't want Olivia to know about her and her beau because Olivia always wants what she has. My theory is that this wouldn't be the first time Olivia has stolen a partner of hers and I think now because Paula isn't admitting to hooking up with this guy, Olivia is gonna steal him and use Paula's secrecy as a way of blame.

Quinn Mossbacher: Involuntary loner in my opinion. He comes off as a classic video game nerd, obsessed with the internet, cant live without his Switch and Fortnite. He doesn't have any friends and he takes all the teasing from Olivia and Paula without a fuss. But he starts sleeping on the beach alone and keeps running into these amazing sights to see. This is where we start to see him blossom and speak up. Its ever so slow but in episode 4 he actually walks up to a group of guys and introduces himself, interested in their boat related sport[?] (Or maybe even the guys themselves🤞) He's also the only one who knows about the Dad's affair and stupidly hints at it at the family dinner (he's just genuinely stupid).

Shane Patton: Also a resort guest and the funniest character to me. He's your run of the mill self-centered male Karen (Kevin if you will) and he arrives at the resort with his wife Rachel. They're on their honeymoon but so many moments make you question why in the hell did these two get married? He is in an unnecessarily one sided battle with Armond. First the resort accidentally downgrades his room. Armond gaslights Shane into thinking that he never purchased the bigger room. Shane gets a receipt. Armond tells him there's a German couple staying in the receipted room longer than Shane and his wife are there so the room will not be ready for them in time. Shane finds out the Germans are actually leaving wayy earlier. Armond apologizes and books them a romantic sunset dinner on a boat. The boat is actually a funeral where a strange grieving woman, named Tanya, fails to spread her mothers ashes in the sea. Shane confronts Armond and asks for Corperate's number. Armond creates a fake business card and when Shane realizes the number is fake, he bursts into Armond's office to find him rimming a coworker while high on Ketamine. Prediction: Armond's gonna get blackmailed for abuse of power in a classic Monicagate manner.

Rachel: Shane's wife. Rachel's a journalist who actually looked up to Nicole (her job as CEO of god knows what puts her in the public eye) but when she finally got to sit with Nicole over lunch, Nicole calls her out for writing an incredibly slut shamey article, claiming that Nicole used her femininity to get her where she is now. This is the first smack in the face that maybe journalism isn't for Rachel. Well that on top of the constant teasing from Shane about her career choices. Shane's family is much more wealthy than Rachel's and he always finds subtle ways to make it known. Shane also pays her no mind, flirting with Olivia and Paula and battling Armond. Even during their arguments (which happens too many times for newlyweds) Shane doesn't look at Rachel and just gives periodic "mhmm"s and "okay"s. Also Rachel hates the Mossbacher family simply because they all seem to be doing better than her.

Now for the boring ones

Tanya McQuoid: An eccentric resort guest (which is a polite way of saying, a weird ass person who is over polite and basically pushes herself into every other character's drama in the most unintentional way, she's also bad at reading the room) She comes off as calm and quiet but we find out that her mother recently passed and she's in Hawaii to spread her mothers ashes. She becomes creepily obsessed with the resort's massage parlor manager, Belinda, after a complimentary massage and suggests becoming a beneficiary so Belinda can open up her own massage parlor. Her "obsession" could possibly just stem from Belinda showing her an act of kindness during a hard time but I know I questioned Tanya's intentions for at least the first two episodes... In episode 4, some random dude, Greg, shows up and invites Tanya to dinner after "accidentally" mistaking her room door for his own. Tanya postpones a business meeting with Belinda so she and Greg can hook up that night. The presence of these characters feel a little out of place. Unlike the Newly Weds and the Mossbacher family, there is not a lot of plot overlap. Tanya will often pop up to converse with the others and brag about Balinda's skills but she doesn't cause any trouble. Tanya's also very wealthy so I definitely thing this "Greg" has some secret plot to take down Tanya or plant something or steal her cash and unfortunately I do not think Belinda will see anything bright in her future. Her plans will be left on the backburner which I say is unfortunate because she's a kind woc who is just trying to do her job and is clearly very skeptical about going into business with this strange, rich white, resort guest.

Honorable Mention

Lani: A Hawaiian native, trainee at the White Lotus. She shows up in episode one as her first day on the job. Later we find out she's also pregnant and goes into a premature labor on the job. She has her baby and disappears for the next three episode. Come back Lani, Armond has just started getting your name right!

Show Themes

The show does touch on conversations of race and class but I would not consider this a political show or one with an agenda (it's satire). I point out the characters of color here because their race becomes a device used to create tension but not in a Token POC kind of way. All the characters are rich and they are shamed for it by the show writers. By this I mean nobody is spitting in their faces and calling them Climate Killers but the choices the characters make, the things they say, and the way they act gives the viewer something to laugh at. Their ignorant entitlement juxtaposing with the beautiful Hawaiian beaches and tragic Hawaiian history creates an underlying experience of, look at these rich people not having a good time and they can't even realize why! As for the characters, there is plenty of time to sit back and question, is this character a good person, who's the real antagonist, how do these stories intertwine, who do we root for What story is attempting to be told here? What is the message!?

[lizacstuff]

Top 5 Sçk funniest moments :D

My apologies for taking forever to answer this. Since I used Eda & Serkan jumping in the pool and Drunk Serkan on my favorite moments list, I won't include them here, even though they'd both be at the top of any funny moment list. Once again, ask me tomorrow and get a different answer. 

Serkan vs his car - Episode 1 - There are so many hilarious, laugh out loud moments in the first episode, it was hard to narrow it down. Serkan rolling down the window as Eda is vandalizing his car, Eda hitting the gas pedal and peeling out as Serkan tries to give her a remedial driving lesson for his high performance vehicle, tomatoes flying through the air as Eda tries to eat one-handed at the business meeting, Engin bringing an army of people to try and get them out of the cuffs, Eda finding that Serkan is her passenger on the private plane, Serkan introducing Eda as his fiancé to Selin and Ferit on the beach, the list goes on. However, I'm going to go with handcuffed Edser getting in the car, and specifically Serkan. 

The physical comedy here is perfection. It starts with Serkan realizing that their cuffs mean he can't drive. With, literally, one-hand tied, Serkan attempts to maneuver himself over the driver's seat of his compact sports car. It gets better and better, with the windshield wipers going crazy and Serkan's feet hitting the windshield, until he's finally settled in his seat.  The crowning moment, however, is when our Eda, elegantly settled into the driver's seat, gets the better of him by calmly retracting the convertible roof. It's absolute gold when arrogant Serkan realizes he could have done that in the first place and saved a bit of his dignity. This was pretty much the road map for how their relationship was going to go. One person creates drama, while the other calmly stands back and waits for them to finish. 

Drain the pool - Episode 4 

Isn't this everyone's favorite? It's hilarious at face value, but it's also meaningful because it was the first time we got to see Serkan get (irrationally) jealous. Which means it was one of the first real signs that Serkan had caught real and serious feels for his fake fiancé. 

For the laugh out loud part, Kerem and Alican were terrific. Seyfi's: "I thought you wouldn't ask." when Serkan tells him to sit down is forever one of my favorite moments. Then we get to see Serkan trying to work, him fidgeting as he picks up and sets down a book, and then finally his attempt to end the lesson only moments after it began. 

We already knew that things were starting to get real for Serkan in episode 3 when he got so angry and tried to freeze her out from touching his heart/soul, but this, this cemented it.  Because there wasn't any reason in the world for him to be jealous. The swim instructor was hired by Serkan. Eda was actually visibly disappointed that Serkan wasn't going to "teach" her to swim himself, so it wasn't like she rejected him for the guy. Eda invited him into the pool. The instructor wasn't hideous, I guess, but he also wasn't someone who would turn Eda's head. He also didn't flirt at all, like he knew Serkan hired him, he knew this was Serkan's fiancé and he knew Serkan was watching. It was all above board. But yet, Serkan, lost. his. damn. mind. If Serkan could lose it to the tune of trying to end the lesson and ordering Seyfi to drain the pool in this scenario it was a sure sign that he was way further gone than even he realized. Bonus Serkan's reaction to seeing Eda in her very cute, but also modest swimsuit. I mean it almost showed less skin than what she wears to work! Good times. 

Mountain Pervert - Episode 9

It's hard to quantify how much I love everything about their handcuff honeymoon at the Mountain House. The episode has it all, Eda's hypocritical tantrum about him handcuffing her, the sexual tension in the rain, Serkan doing everything in his power to get back in her good graces except the one, very easy thing that would have done it (a simple apology), Eda's joke about the world-renown architect who has a leaky roof (but seriously, Serkan, get a crew in there), not that I complain about the romantic bed-sharing that leaky roof led to, and of course the mountain pervert. 

Throughout the entire episode, Serkan was working every angle (except the easiest and most obvious) to get her to forgive him, so it was a little contrived that he got mad enough to take off on her, but I'll overlook it since it set up this hilarious scene. Obviously, once he left, he had to come back. We knew that, but apparently Eda didn't. How fortuitous for the visuals and our funny bones that Eda just happened to get soaking wet and just happened not to have any clothes there, so she just happened to be covered only by a flimsy bit of terry cloth wound around her nubile body.  I suppose it's a fitting punishment, though, for him having stalked off, that she impaired his vision to the point he wasn't actually able to have his mind blown by a mostly naked Eda. I have no idea what she sprayed him with, if it was an actual defense spray like mace, or something like hairspray, but in any case it would have stung. His comically pained reaction to whatever she sprayed into his eyes is wonderful. Great physical comedy from both Hande and Kerem. Serkan milking the situation to get Eda to continue to tend to his injuries was the icing on the cake.  Hamile - Episode 17

How good was Serkan mistakenly thinking Eda was pregnant with their child? I could do an entire post choosing the top 5 comedy moments just from this episode. Serkan's every interaction with mini-Serkan was delightful. Having no idea what food could fit in mini-Serkan's tiny mouth and down his tiny throat was hilarious, and showed exactly how inexperienced this highly educated man is when it comes to babies. Loved him giving the history of architecture and deciding mini-Serkan would be a businessman like him. 

His constant glances at her tummy region and insisting she eat healthier, both warmed my heart and tickled me. As did Ayfer and Aydan watching them through the window as they embodied the picture perfect young family, meanwhile our favorite broken-up couple had no idea why the mothers couldn't stop staring at them.  

However, if I have to pick one, the funniest moment was how it all began when Serkan, at a client's home, mistakes the client's pregnancy test for Eda's. The emotional journey that Serkan takes in the space of about 30 seconds results in a parade of exaggerated facial contortions and is a delight to behold. Kerem kills every second of it. Is there anyone better than Kerem at the incredulous: "NE!!!!!!!!!!!"  No, no there is not. He is king. 

To woo or not to woo - Episode 27

I don't think Chef Alexander has brought all that much to the show but all is forgiven because he was the catalyst for one of the funniest scenes in the series. 

His bumbling entrance into Serkan and Eda's engagement ceremony brought a whole new level of comic relief, we'll ignore that the man would have to be a dipshit to not understand how he could be misunderstood (on second thought, ChefA might be just that kind of dipshit) with the talk of wooing and making an offer.

Lots of amazing things crammed into this sequence. Aydan's never dimming rivalry with Ayfer, Serkan speaking English to get Chef to move it along, Ayfer telling him to make the offer to her mother, Eda insisting that it needs to go to her, Alex's request for Ayfer to come to him 2 nights a week, Serkan's disbelief (Kerem's adlib) that this was even an option, Eda threatening to hit him with the flowers and Aydan wondering if the rest of his nights were free (Neslihan's adlib). But the best part might be Ferit cracking up in the background. The whole scene is just pure joy. 

You know, after putting this together, I didn’t realize how much I appreciate Kerem’s comedic chops. He’s talented. 

[rosyrosethings]

Assistant Y/n gets drunk

Y/n is harry’s assistant and the company is celebrating its 50th year anniversary. Assistant Y/n gets drunk

Y/n has been running around all day. Planning styles bank 50th-anniversary party. She’s been making sure everything was okay, from the food to the band. After she yelled at the caterer for making the wrong dish. She went back home to get dressed for the party. Harry was home also he had been out getting pampered for the banquet. While Harry was out he thought maybe he should buy Y/N’s dress. He knew whenever it was something big like this she never thought about herself. So he did he bought her a bright yellow dress when he saw it he thought it would look so beautiful against her dark skin. He wanted to give her the night off and have her relax, planing this had to be hard on her so that's why he put holly in charge of the receptionist. It was the last minute he didn't care he was the boss.

He walked over to Y/N’s room holding the dress on a hanger the dress was covered by white paper protecting the dress from the dirt. He knocked on the door of her bedroom.

“Harry you can come in.” He opened the room door seeing. She was sitting in her pajamas at her vanity flat ironing her really kinky hair a dramatic difference in length.

“Have i ever told you I like the fro better?” he asked

”yes multiple times. One day Mr. Styles I would wear it for you but tonight isn't the night.” She said looking at Harry through her mirror. He looked down at her bed. Seeing black dress pants and a black button up shirt.

“Are you wearing that?”

“Yea Harry. I’m your assistant. I have to make sure everything goes right. I’m gonna be running around making sure everything is perfect.” She said,

“Well you’re fired.” He said nonchalantly. She immediately turned around and looked at Harry.

“What?!”

“Well you’re not fired. Just for tonight. What im trying to say is. You have the night off. I put holly in charge.”

“the receptionist?! You’re giving the receptionist my job?”

“Noo nooo. Just for tonight. I want you to enjoy tonight. You're the best assistant I’m not giving no one your job. I just want you to be Y/n and not Harry assistant tonight.” he said as knelt down in from off her.

”Harry i don't have anything to wear.” he lifted the dress up. .

”this is just for you. So you wear it.” He said as he laid the dress on the bed. “I got a driver for you and I’m gonna go pick up Bridget so I’d see you later.” He said and he left the room. She smiled slightly at the thought of him thinking about her. But she immediately texted holly asking if everything is okay. She got a text from Harry. She opened it

If i catch you texting or getting in contact with Holly. You’re fired. -Harry

She immediately rolled her eyes and threw her phone on the bed getting ready.

//

Harry was at the party. It was decorated nicely. There were tables for people to eat and dance floor with a stage for the band. Harry was sat next to Bridget of course he still hasn’t seen Y/n. He’s was currently watching the front entrance waiting on her arrival. Y/n was kinda of scared of entering alone. So she texted Niall knowing he was there because she planned the whole event. She wanted to text Harry but he was more than likely with his girlfriend.

Niall met her outside of the venue and took her hand and walked her into the club. She stared at Niall perfectly tailored suit.

“Harry’s gonna be so upset when I walk in with you.” Niall said,as they walked into the crowded room. Seeing girls walking around with trays of champagne glasses. Y/n quickly took one. Her nerves building up.

“No he won’t. He’s probably somewhere not even thinking about me.” Niall laughed at her response. He looked over to see Harry already sending him daggers with his eyes. Harry eyes were locked on there arms interlocked together. He sent Harry a half smile. Niall enjoyed messing with Harry. So he leaned over toY/n closely and whispered in her ear.

“I want you to laugh like I just said the funniest thing in the world.” She looked a bit confused but did it. Throwing her head back in laughter and placing her hand on his chest. Harry kept his eyes on them.

‘What the hell was so funny?’ he thought to himself. He looked over at Bridget and the guy she was talking to. “Excuse me for a second.” He said not even looking at them. He walked over to Y/n and Niall.

“Niall can you please stay away from my assistant.” Harry said playfully but very serious. Niall sent him a smirk.

“Is someone jealous?” Niall asked, Harry’s face got a bit red. Niall laughed and kissed Y/n’s cheek.

“I have to mingle. Talk to you later.” He said, Harry got more frustrated. Niall knows what he’s doing to him.

“Are you enjoying the party?” Y/n asked as she started to drink more of her champagne. Realizing it was gone Harry laughed at her as she continued to turn the glass completely upside down. Harry took the glass from her hand and grabbed another glass from one of the waitresses roaming around and handed it to her giving the empty glass back to the server.

“Yes, I am actually. You did an amazing job planning this. I’m a little nervous about my speech though.” He said Y/n took the other glass of champagne quickly drinking it before setting it down on a nearby table. She’s never been at a fancy event like this that didn’t involve her working so she was nervous.

“No need to be nervous Mr. Styles. I typed your speech up and printed 3 different times. Should be a copy in your suit pocket and I have the one in your car and one in my clutch!” She said as she held up her clutch proudly. He sent her a smile.

“You’re not my assistant tonight.” He said with a cheeky smile. She rolled her eyes.

“I will always be your assistant!” She said as she placed the empty glass down. As she grabbed another glass from the multiple roaming waiters and waitresses.

“Y/n why are you having so many drinks?” Harry asked, he never saw her drink this much.

“Bit nervous, I’m not working. I’m always working. I live with you for crying out loud.” She said sipping from the glass.

“Sounds like someone is a workaholic.” He said,

“You spread your workaholic ness to me. It’s a disease.” She said pouting her lip. He laughed. Placing his hand on her chin. Pulling down her bottom lip.

“no pouting tonight love. even though you're super cute when you do it. ” He said sending her a smile. She could help but to smile. She loved his smile and his teeth.

“Harry. There you are cmon let’s dance!” Bridget said pulling Harry away from Y/n. Interrupting their moment. Harry gave Y/n a quick glance and was swept away by Bridget.

Y/n enjoyed the rest of the night mingling with her coworkers and drinking drinks. Harry’s speech went well. But once the speech was over. Y/n was drunk as a skunk. She was stumbling over and somehow she stumbled into Niall who was babysitting her all night.

“Niall, you’re so cute, and Irishhhhh.” She slurred and she repeatedly kissed his cheek. Niall laughed, Niall had his arm around her waist keeping her up.

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing the cute Irish man.” She said as she kissed his cheek with a big wet kiss her arms wrapped around his neck.

“Harry wouldn’t be very happy with me if he saw this.”

“Harry, Harry, Harry..” she whined, as she threw her head back.

“That’s all you say. Im singleee. Harry doesn’t own me and besides he’s with briii.” She was interrupted by a hiccup. ”get.”

“Harry doesn’t even want me. Ya know i almost kissed him? And after that he acted like nothing happened! So ya know what I’m done.” She was interrupted by another hiccup. “Who cares if he’s hot and bossy, and really smart, and has amazing hair, and amazing body, and have beautiful green eyes.”

“Sounds like to me you love him.”

“Mee love Harry?” She said looking at Niall. “Pfft i dont love him. .” She stopped talking and scrunched her eyebrows. Thinking about what she just said.

“what’s going on here?” Harry asked from behind them. Y/n and Niall turned around. Y/n face broke into a ridiculous grin. She let go of Niall and stumbled her way to Harry who caught her right before she fell. She smiled up at Harry. His arms wrapped around her waist. She looked up at him,

“Hiii.” She giggled, he laughed

“Hello love, someone has had a bit too much to drink.” He said, looking down at her. She wrapped her arms around his neck laying her head on his shoulder.

“Harrry. Niall has been soo nice to me butI did miss you. Your speech was amazing and Niall kept me company while you were busy.”she said going from topic to topic. Harry smiled trying to keep up with her. Harry glances at Niall quickly still holding her clutch in his hand.

“Alright seems like you had enough fun. We are gonna get you home.” She smiled,

“Is Bridget coming?” She asked lifting her head to look at him. He wanted to say no but she was coming. So he didn’t answer. Even though she was drunk but she wasn’t dumb. She looked over at Niall who was right there.

“Can I stay with you tonight Niall?” She asked sending him puppy dog eyes. Pulling herself off of Harry. But he didn’t wanna let her go but she pushed his hands off of her.

“Y/n you’re ..”

“Noo. They’re gonna be fuckking and my room is right next to his and I’m gonna hear her calling him daddy all night and besides if i come with. You can be my daddy.” She said with a smirk. Niall face turned red as a tomato. Harry immediately got angry.

“Nope. None of that. Sorry Niall she’s going home tonight.” He said grabbing her hand. Harry started to pull her through the crowd of people finding the exit and told the valle driver to bring his car immediately. Texting Bridget tell her to meet him at the front entrance. He looked at Y/n still pissed by what she said but he was holding her hand. He never did that before. But she looked at Harry.

“You, you ruin-hiccup-.”

“What did i do?”

“Ruined my chance to have sex for the first time in foreverrrrrr.” She mumbled stumbling toward him pointed her finger at him angrily. Harry chuckled amused by what she saying to him.

“I ruined it?”

“Yes you-Niall was going to help me and now I have to -hiccup- take care of myself.” He places his arm around her waist to stop the stumbling. He looked down to his side look right at her.

“I don’t want Niall touching you and I heard you ranting on about how beautiful I am. I don’t think it’s his touch you really want.” He said with a smirk. They were interrupted by the valet driver pulling up with Harry’s car. Handing Harry the keys. Harry gestured for him to open the back door. He did and Harry put her IN the backseat of the car. Closing the door behind her. Handing the valet driver a tip. He waited outside of the car to wait on Bridget. Soon she arrived.

“Harry why are we leaving?” She asked pouting her lips.

“There’s a drunk girl in my backseat andI have to take her home.” He said as he opened the front door of the car for her.

“Harry can’t she take an uber home and we can stay.”

“No she can’t. I’m taking her home to make sure she gets there safely. Now please get in the car.” He said as he opens the door. She listened kinda upset that he treats her like a child and treats Y/n like his girlfriend.

The car ride was quiet because Y/n was sleep in the back and Harry decided to take Bridget home. She didn’t even want to go home but she didn’t argue. She just silently got out the car going in his house. Harry didn’t bother trying to talk to her. She gets angry whenever He does anything for y/n.he proceeded to take Y/n home.

“Harry I’m hottt...” she said from the back seat of his car followed by the sound of shuffling.

“Y/n what are you doing?” He looked in view mirror to see her there naked in her matching black lace bra and underwear.

“Y/n.” He sighed quickly focusing back on the road. Trying to forget the image he just saw How good she looked. He pulled up to the house. Y/n got out the back of the car. She was barefoot leaving her shoes and dress inside the car. Harry immediately got the car and covered with his jacket.

“You can’t be out naked. Y/n...” he said. As she placed her arm over his shoulder.

“You don’t like my body?” She said asked as she walked to the front door with him.

“No, Y/n that’s not it. Let’s just get you inside and put you to sleep.” He said as he opened the door.

“I’m not sleepy.” She said walking inside throwing his jacket off. She turned around to face him. Harry locked the door and looked at the basically naked girl in front of him. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down.

“She’s drunk.” He whispered to himself. tying to control his hormones. She strolled towards him wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Meet me in your bedroom.” She whispered to him as she went upstairs very clumsy until she disappeared in his bedroom. He sighed. Isn’t like he doesn’t want to do it. She’s just drunk and not in the right mind set. So he’s just going to upstairs and get a change of clothes and sleep on the couch.

He went upstairs to his room. To see her sleeping. Face first on the bed. He couldn’t help but laugh. He left his room to go down to her bathroom grabbing her makeup wipes and making his way back to his room. He sat down beside her and turned her over causing her to groan.

“Harry I’m tired.” She mumbled out.

“I know, I know, but I have to take that makeup off your gorgeous face.” He said as he took the wipe down her face.

“But i dont wanna..I just sleep” she mumbled.

“You after I wash your face.” He said softly to her. She looked up at him and smiled.

“I'm in love with you,” she mumbled. Harry's throat hitched. ”hmm it's like a massage.” she mumbled shortly after. He started down at her. She's drunk he thought immediately.

”Can I sleep now?” she said with a yawn.

”Yes love, sleep have sweet dreams.” he pulled the cover over her as she made her face comfortable on his pillow.

“Goodnight love.”

[jaxxandcomet]

Goodnight, Pogues ∞ JJ x Reader

Summary: The carefree, confident and kind kook turned Pogue has an encounter with Rafe on the beach, leading to a few shots being fired. 

Warnings: Blood, death, swearing, guns, sexual assault, sexual references ( if there is more let me know! )

Word Count: 2k!

This was not requested but I had the idea of a series where the seemingly perfect girl gets in an accident and it changes how she sees the whole world. Loosely based on On My Block, at the end of Season 1. 

GIF by heapass

The day had been amazing. Full of blue sky, puffy white clouds, and salty spray. The ocean felt amazing underneath your board. The sun shifting through the water and rippling the sand below. 

“Surfs up bitches!” You yell jokingly as JJ hits a huge wave, riding it perfectly before falling off at the end. You and Pope, who stands in the shallows next to you, leaning on his surfboard, laugh. 

“You never swear.” Pope says and you nod at him. He was right, you never did. You were the perfect daughter to the kooks, smart, independent, kind, confident, carefree but because you hung out with the Pogues, basically lived at John B’s, and were dating JJ, the high strung people from Figure 8 never called you their own. 

“I was joking mother fucker.” You answer Pope, as he smiles, bursting into laughter. 

“I guess you’re changing then y/n.” Pope says and you shake you’re head. 

Little did you know you would have no choice over the change coming. 

A few minutes later JJ and John B paddle towards you all and you fall into you’re boyfriends arms. John B splashes you as a joke and you sink under the water, swimming under your surf board to grab his leg. 

Popping up a few seconds later, Pope and JJ are doubled over in laughter, leaning against their boards for support. 

“You screamed like a little baby, man!” JJ moves your board to hug you and you flip off John B, who’s face is almost too red. 

“Good one y/n. You and JJ are the funniest people in all of Kildare County.” Pope said and John B shook his head. 

“Sorry Johnny, its true.” You joke and flash another smile. By the time you hit more waves and walk back to shore, JJ and John B are drinking beers and the sun says its almost four. 

“Chief. Nice waves you caught, baby.” JJ gives you and smile and pats next to him on a towel. A group of tourons next to you give you a look and JJ flips them off as you sit next to him. 

“Sorry about that.” You say to the tourons. Its not like they know that you and JJ are together. Maybe they want to get in his pants, which you can understand. If you were them you’d want to steal JJ for yourself. 

“So whats for the eating boys?” You ask and Pope walks up, shrugging. He sits down to your left. 

“You.” JJ says and you playfully slap his arm. 

“Sarah Cameron.” John B says and you roll your eyes at both of them. 

“Not girls, dingus one and dingus two. Thank you for the compliment babe, but I mean like actual food.” You say back and they look unfazed. When John B started dating Sarah it was like a blow to the heart for you. John B and JJ had been there for you when you’re father left and your mother married a rich kook on the other side of the island. You’d basically fallen apart then. You felt like he’d been replacing you. But Sarah and him were made for each other, and you couldn’t break them apart if you tried, and you never would. 

“We could throw a kegger after begging Ki for free food?” Pope suggests and you shrug. 

“I’ll pay for you guys. Ki told me once that they give the leftovers to the homeless.” You say and JJ squeezes your arm. 

“Your too amazing y/n.” He was right, you were the calmest, neatest, therapist like person the Pogues ever met. You’d never be seen getting angry, or not seeing the other side of things. If you friends got into an argument, you were always the mediator and tried to help them see the other side of the misunderstanding. 

Loading up your gear, as well as helping Pope out, you pile into John B’s van and head over to The Wreck, and you see Ki outside, taking someones order. 

You let JJ and Pope get out first and then shut the door behind you to grab your boyfriends hand and rub the back of his hand comfortingly. Sitting down at one of the tables near the back of The Wreck, Ki comes over, wearing a light pink ruffle crop top and jean shorts. Her curly hair is pulled up into a half bun, the ends frizzing. Her eyes sparkle as she eyes you all down. 

“I got your orders already in boys and girl.” She says and sits down, signaling to her father at the bar that she is now on break. “I get off work in 30, what are we doing?” She asks, leaning against Pope as his face turns red. You’ve known forever that he is head over heals in love with Kiara, and you can’t really blame him. She’s gorgeous, smart, cares about the environment. You’ve tried to get the answer out of her if she likes him, but she never says anything, so you stopped pressing. You didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. 

“Kegger,” John B says and you see him typing something on his phone. 

“Inviting Sarah Mr Kook?” JJ asks and you try to read John B’s face. He smirks and then looks up. 

“What? Uh, yes. I think.” You nod your head. Sarah is a good person, perfect for John B. She, too, was entirely beautiful, kind and the best girlfriend for John B. They fit together like puzzle pieces. 

“Have you given her some of that John D already, mate?” JJ asks and you groan, fixing your posture after you leaned over in fake anger. 

“You don’t have the answer that John B, but we all want to know.” You say. He’d told you that he nailed a few girls, which you were okay with. John B had nailed you and been your first kiss, which was hard to explain to JJ. You’d been so into him freshmen year, and then, it happened. But now, John B was entirely Sarah’s and JJ was yours. 

“I mean, yeah.” John B blushed and JJ’s hand and his met in a high five, just before he setting a hand on your thigh. The warmth spread through your body and you grinned at your boyfriend, leaning in for a kiss. 

“Thats my boy, Pogue style.” JJ says and you cringe. 

“Okay ya’ll, this is getting weird. I’ll be back with your food soon.” You watch as Ki walks away, and then turn to JJ to see his gaze following her, landing on her ass. 

“Well since the food isn’t here yet, JJ, do you want to go and get the stuff for the par-tay?” John B says, scooting his chair loudly to get up. JJ shrugs and you give him one more kiss as he walks away towards the door. Its just you and Pope now. 

“Did you see him watch Ki?” Your best friend says and you nod. 

“Don’t you feel jealous? Like I mean, if I were dating someone and the person looked at another girls butt, I would be pissed.” Pope says and you make eye contact with him, shifting your weight on the table. 

“I don’t blame him. I know I’m beautiful, but he spent a lot of his life looking for a girl to have sex with. He told me sometimes it slips his mind. Then he feels bad about it. I love him, I know I’m enough for him. We are a good couple. I feel safe, you know.” Talking through it made your emotions feel better. Even though you didn’t get mad, the feeling of saying things out loud always helped. 

A few minutes later, JJ and John B come back, and Ki brings the food. Once everyones eaten, you all pile into the car, and John B hands you the keys to his van. You smile at him. 

You normally drove John B’s car, mostly because you were the most confident and had the longest attention span. You sat in the front seat and look back. 

“Everyone buckled up?” You ask and Pope groans. 

“Yes, Mrs bus driver.” JJ says in a high pitched voice, you break out a laugh, just like you have hundreds of times today. Sometimes your friends don’t understand that even though you feel great about your driving skills, and fairly sure you won’t crash the van, you just want them to be safe. 

When you arrive at the boneyard, some kooks are already there, and you see Rafe Cameron with his stupid buddies Kelce and Topper doing a line of coke. Your face crinkles up with anger. Drugs are not a way to lessen the pain. Nor is drinking or smoking, for that matter, but especially not things like coke or dope. You shrug them off as people start arriving for the kegger, mostly just tourons looking for a good ol’ hookup on their week or two of vacation. 

The sun starts to set as your boyfriend and John B set up the fire. You’re sitting next to Pope, who’s explaining something about dead bodies farting to a tourist that keeps checking her phone. You would normally listen to him, but you zone out. 

Rafe, Topper, and Kelce are still doing lines of coke, even though they must be soaring high right now, and some blondie delivers a few cases of beer to them, adding to the pile of disguared bottles littering the sand. 

After looking back at Pope and the girl, who walked away, you touch your best friends arm and pull him gently up. 

“Want to go and look for sand dollars and watch the sunset?” You ask, and he nods his head. When you and Pope both met, you found matching sandollars, small and perfect, and got them made into bracelets. You’d been on the beach after a fight with John B, and Pope came up to you, wondering what a kook was doing on the cut. You didn’t explain the circumstance, and you don’t exactly remember how you both found the sand dollars, but now they were tied around your necks as perfect pendents, keeping you guys together. 

You grab JJ’s arm and whisper what you and Pope are doing before he tells you to be safe. You lean in for a kiss and you can feel his smiling, tasting beer and mint on his lips. 

“I love you, and I will.” You say, and he turns back to John B, who is talking to Sarah about something. 

You and Pope walk past the other groups of people, getting wasted, as usual, and then find your way to the ocean. For a few minutes its quiet, just you and Pope shifting through the sand to look for anything beautiful, until you both sit down on the edge of the foam to watch the sunset. Its red tonight, a deep and startling color. Full of hints of gold, and sandy colors, and then some darker ones mixed in. 

“You always try and watch the sunset.” Pope says as you pull out a small notebook from your shorts pocket. Inside, you describe the sunset tonight. Its colors, how it made you feel. Try and compliment it. 

“I try to. Somedays I miss it, but its nice to see something beautiful every day.” You say, and then stand up suddenly. You see something in the sand in front of you. Bending over, you find its a broken sand dollar, one side torn to a sharp, serrated edge that would cut your skin. 

“Ugh.” You say, kissing it before someone whiles behind you. 

“Nice ass, y/n.” Rafe says, and you turn around to see him stumbling towards you, empty beer bottle in his hand. 

“Thanks Rafe, but stop looking at it.” You say and he grins, tossing the bottle on the ground. Pope’s up in seconds, glancing back at the firelight where the kegger is still happening. Its the only thing, other then the moon, lighting the scene about to take place. 

“I don’t want to. You know, maybe I could have some of it.” He says and you shake your head. He’s coming closer to you and Pope steps beside you, fear, and anger, in his eyes. Your scared to, but don’t let it on. No one can know your emotions, especially not this high, and drunk kook. 

“I don’t think so. In fact, maybe go back to your friends.” You say as he comes into three feet of you. His hands reach out to grab you and Pope pushes them away, just as Rafe shoves him to the ground, kicking his side. You push the sandy haired boy and his knuckles dig into your skin. Pope is trying to get up, but Rafe must have broken a rib because his breathing is hard and flushed. 

“You must have known you’d get fucked tonight, with that outfit you’re wearing.” Rafe says, and you kick him at his groin. You were wearing a pair of Levi jean shorts, a lacy white bra, and one of JJ’s button shirts to cover up your breasts, leaving the rest unbuttoned. 

“What I wear has no affect on if I want to have sex with you Rafe,” you say, calmly, though fear is coursing through your bones. Rafe, struggles to get up, and almost falls over again, and your backing towards the waterline. 

“Whatever you want to believe y/n, but you’ve made me very angry.” Rafe says, a little to loudly, and you cringe. Any chance at this not getting physical was out of the picture now. “And you know what happens to people that make me angry.” You stop moving backwards as your heals touch the water, and glance back at JJ, who, once he heard Rafe’s voice, came turning and walking quickly towards the scene unfolding. 

While you were looking at your boyfriend, and now John B, who are both making their way towards you, Rafe, puts his hands on your waist and shoves you down. You try and punch him in the face, and grab his ankles and you kicks you in the side. Crawling away and standing up again, five feet away, he comes running at you. 

Cold fingers slide around your neck, and you can’t breath. Rafe must be choking you out. With a last grain of effort, you spit in his face and try to back away, and then he pulls something out, and two shots are fired. 

For a second, you didn’t know it was you that got shot. People were screaming and running away from the boneyard, and something wet was seeping into your shirt. 

Then, the pain hit, and a scream came erupting from your mouth. Thousands of knives stabbed you right below your ribcage, in two different spots, and you fell to the sand, shaking. 

This was like the movies. It was the movies. How could you be feeling so much pain? You must be dead already. It only made sense. This was to much. But you couldn’t leave JJ or Pope or John B or Sarah or Ki without saying goodbye. 

Someone was right next to you, looking into your eyes. The pain was getting worse, and making your vision white. All at once, your hearing came back, and Pope was next to your left side, with JJ on the other. Both were holding your hands, which were laying in red sand. 

You look down, but the pain stops you from seeing the bullet holes in your chest. 

“Call 911!” Ki shouts and Sarah picks up the phone, dialing the number. 

Your breaths come out in shocked waves, pulling and turning. Its getting harder to get oxygen as well. Somethings clogging up your throat. 

As you wheeze for air, and try to stay afloat, you desperately want to watch whats happening, but your so tired. What time is it? It must be past your bed time by now. You have to tell JJ and Pope goodnight, just like you always do. 

“I-I lo-love you gu-guys.” You muster out quietly, and JJ shakes his head. With each word and breath your getting more ready to fall asleep. “Goodnight, Pogues.” You say, and JJ clutches your face. You’ve never seen him cry like this before. Big tears sliding down his face. 

“Don’t fall asleep. Please don’t fucking fall asleep!” He screams and you hear something wailing in the distance. 

“But I-its getting hard-harder to breath JJ. I don-don’t want to fight any lo-longer. Please let m-me sleep.” Your voice is horse and choked. Your breathing is the same, only coming in short bursts.

“Don’t give up, please.” Pope says and you shake your head. 

“Listen to Pope, don’t fall asleep. We love you. Keep fighting!” JJ orders, but you zone out. Is that blood in your mouth? Something tastes metallically. 

“Don’t let her fall asleep JJ. She might not wake up.” John B says, and you watch as he stares at you, Sarah hugging him tight. She must have already called the ambulance. 

“Look at me, okay,” JJ says. You try to, but yours eyes are closing. Pain stiffles a cry as Pope is leaning over your midsection, pressing something to seep up the blood pooling from out of you. “Your going to be okay,” JJ says. 

“Goodnight John B, goodnight Sarah and Ki, goo-goodnight Pope. Goodnigh-good-goodnight JJ. I love you guys.” You speak slowly, and JJ shakes his head. 

“Don’t fall asleep, please.” 

“We love you Y/N. Please don’t leave us.” Ki sobs and Pope looks into your eyes. 

The wailing is getting louder. Closer. And then the long awaited sleep breaks through. 

Tell me if you want it to be continued! 

a and c 

@apoguecalledjj​ @drewswannabegirl​ @yuxsh06​ @kindapinkskies​ @spider6oy​ @jjmaybankwildtimes​ @midnightmagicmusings​ @r0s3mm​ @pankowrudeth​ @ijustreallylovethem​ @love-chx​ @girlsru1eboysdroo1​ @ceruleanjj​ @outrebanx​ @thegreatestofheck​ @anonymous0writer​ @poge-life​ @popcsheyward​ @ad-infinitums​ @jjsmaybcnk​ @collecting-stories​ @maybebanks​ @northcarolinanative​

[overdramaticly-dying]

Many Unhappy Returns

Sorry for being gone from these for so long! I was really upset after Rise ended, and just sorta lost my energy there for a while- but I am feeling pretty confident that we can get it back!! 

In the meantime though, it’ll be fun to talk about some episodes! So per request that is over six months old now (sorry @alwayshere195​) Many Unhappy Returns!

- We all know how much the visuals in this show absolutely slap but this episode really kicks it off right away with beautiful scenery

- “Thanks for doing the dirty work for us! Big up Shreddy!” (the fact that this is their super-great-Grandfather makes this so much funnier for reasons I can’t explain)

-Leo would have been seriously injured in the Shredder hadn’t just disappeared like that

- “You fools! You have doomed humanity!” “Have we? No seriously, tell me, this has all been very confusing.”

- “Wow, one season later and I still got full battery, nice!”

- Leo’s overall support of his brothers and his confidence that they can handle it is actually really sweet

- April’s ‘get to safety song’ 

-”Two data points? You’re hypothesising with two data points? Scoff!” 

*Fifteen minutes later*

- ok but just in general, I just really love that they aren’t afraid to have Mikey have genuinely good ideas

- “No one’s responding, I’m the only one who made it!”

- “really? cause’ I thought my overall ninjocity was totally working” “It wasn’t”  “I’m pretty sure it was about to...”

- “She’ll help me! I’m the face man, people love me!” “Last time you saw her she tried to kill you.”  “Who hasn’t?”

- why are there so many good Leo lines? Also, just in general, despite this being a serious episode, the comedy still slaps while not seeming out of place- this is why I love rise tbhhh

-ngl the entire scene where Splinter tells Leo that Big Mama is his ex is probably one of the funniest things ever

- Splinter apparently met Big Mama in 1984- I kinda wonder if that was a nod to the fact that the og tmnt comic books came out in ‘84

- Splinter’s story is actually really sad tho- he lost so many people in his life, and finally thought he had found happiness with Big Mama, who he assumed was just a driver, not even an actor. Then he was betrayed by her.

-Big Mama’s assistant is there, just standing around and looking cool while the entire fandom begs to know if it’s Venus de Milo

- Leo’s whole plan while Splinter just freaks out in the back

- out of context, this shot is great, but with added context, it’s even better. Like u know that awkward moment when your grandfather walks in on you trying to kill him?

- eventually Donnie just goes on his phone while their tickling Shredder, and Mikey just chills on Shredder’s shoulders. Like sure, why not

- “You have thrown me into the lion’s den!” “I think it’s more of a kraken’s den”

- It’s the first time we hear Splinter say Leonardo’s name fully, and he’s just telling him to shut tf up

- “My other sons would’ve taken this seriously!” *cuts to them tickling Shredder*

- FREAKIN MIKEY LIFTING THAT ENTIRE BOAT????? IT’S AWESOME

-asdfghjjhgfd foreshadowing as to what the drill is for??? yes please not to mention the shot is just simply amazing

- APRIL FREAKING O’NEIL WHO GOT A CRANE LICENSE  BC OF POSSIBLE FIGHTS WHERE IT MIGHT BE USEFUL???? WE STAN but also what was that conversation like with her parents

-Kraken Tom and the Evil Six. Why is that so funny.

- ngl, Leo’s plan reveal actually had me gasping the first time I watched it. Like idk, despite them showing several times in the first season that Leo is incredibly smart and good at planning, it never clicked in until this episode for me, and I think that was a pretty popular experience- the audience realized just how smart Leo actually was at the same time Splinter did, but it was still seriously foreshadowed and didn’t feel random- just A+ writing for ya there folks

- “I have calculated that this is the site of our final resting spot- I mean, go team!”

- Donnie with his own headstone will forever be iconic and relatable af, but also just another way to add in how much I love the team behind Rise, and how much effort they put into this show

- Leo guessing that April finally used her crane license was kinda sweet tho

- “Trust me.”  “I do.” 

- Donnie and Mikey are both so terrified while they fight, but they still do it, and idk, I think it’s really important that they showed main characters who are still strong and fight despite being scared.

- WHOLESOME- also Splinter hugging Leo tightly idk I just think it’s sweet

- Splinter just shoving his sleeping children into the sewers gives off tired dad vibes and we stan

- one last thing: I love how in Rise, you really get the sense that they don’t want to be fighting the Shredder, they don’t ever want to deal with this. You want them to beat the Shredder because you know they have ‘normal’ lives to get back to, that ultimately they’re kids who still want to get back home in the end, and while I doubt any of the other tmnt turtles wanted to fight their Shredder, it hits a little differently in Rise- maybe that’s because we see a lot more of their normal lives- but I thinks it’s really cool that the writers provided a scenario like that.

tl;dr- this is an epic episode, but the more serious nature of the plot doesn’t mean that it lacks the comedy- in fact, the tone matches with the rest of the show perfectly, and it’s seriously awesome that they managed to pull it off. It’s a great episode for the start of a new season, and has a bunch of foreshadowing as well.

[darlinvandijk]

Baby you’re drunk

Concept: request where “I HAD THIS DAYDREAM THE OTHER DAY, WHERE THE GIRL IS DRUNK AND KEEPS TELLING RUEL ABOUT HER AMAZING BOYFRIEND - WHO IS RUEl”, because I found it cute as fuck and decided I had to write about it. Also they’re of legal age to drink since I don’t want to like promote underage alcohol consumption! Dm me and whatnot for requests! Hope you enjoy :)

I let out a laugh as I watch Andy gag after taking her shot, reaching for the juice she had on standby to be her chaser. The girls and I decided that today we were going to have a girls night in, to relax and catch up with one another, let’s just say there may be a bit of alcohol involved in our activities for the night. I grin as Jade grabs my hand and pulls me up with her, dancing to the beat of the song playing, feeling completely at ease with life.

“Babes lets do more shots!” Andy screeches, the rest of us cheering as she does so. We all line up at the counter with our shot glasses, clinking them together before letting the burning liquid race down our throats. I let out a light cough before taking a drink of my cranberry juice, feeling the alcohol add to my already tipsy state.

Time flys by, because next thing we know we’re all giggling drunk messes sprawled out across the couches, all holding our own solo cups filled with whatever concoction we came up with. I take a swig of my drink, laughing as Ally tells a completely unfiltered story, knowing we’re all going to regret the drinking we’re doing tomorrow morning. Let’s just say, the thought of a terrible hangover didn’t stop us.

“Lets prank call someone” Ashley slurs out, grinning at the massive smiles we all send her about her great idea. We gather up in a circle on the floor, prank calling multiple people from each other’s contacts, before we get to the call the girls are most excited for. They all drunkenly smirk at me as I give them a weary look, unsure of if it’s a good idea.

“I don’t know if we should call Ruel, like what if he gets worried” I state, not noticing the slur of my words from being completely inebriated. They all laugh and reassure me that it’ll be fine before I ultimately agree and dial the number to my beautiful boyfriend.

“Hello?” He questions as soon as he answers the phone, confused on why an unknown number was calling him. We all laugh but try to keep it quiet, unknowingly failing as we do so. On the other side Ruel rolls his eyes, knowing exactly who’s calling him, since he just so happened to fall in love with the exact laugh that was the loudest.

“Is this the Krusty Krab?” I ask, mustering the deepest voice I can. The girls collapse around me completely losing their minds, as I hold in my laugh with tears falling down my face. I wipe at my eyes as I lose my shit, feeling as though I’ve asked the funniest thing known to man.

“No, this is Patrick” Ruel replies with a roll of his eyes, knowing I’m completely wasted from the slur and sway of my speech. The girls and I immediately burst out laughing, hanging up the phone as we try to keep our identities hidden. As soon as I hang up, I almost instantly see my phone light up, with an incoming call from Ruel. We all instantly try to stop laughing, knowing that if he catches on to how unsober I am, he’ll instantly come and pick me up.

“Hey baby” He states as soon as I answer, causing me to blush as the girls all smile at me, all of them absolutely adoring the relationship we have. I take a deep breath in, hoping I’ll be able to pull off a good enough act to stay a little longer, the girls all give me encouraging looks.

“Hi bubs, what’s up?” I question, hearing him let out a chuckle, oblivious to the obvious slur in my tone. All of us give each other weary looks, unsure on how to trick him into letting me stay, all of us knowing he doesn’t like when he’s not with me when I’m intoxicated.

“Just missing you, you’ll never believe the call I just got baby. They asked for the Krusty Krab, you wouldn’t know who called me would you?” He questions, all of us instantly freezing at his question, because there’s no way he could possibly know that it was us that called him. I let out a nervous laugh before trying to answer as strongly as possible.

“Really? I have no clue who that could have been, but we’re uh watching movies so I’ll talk to you later, love you, bye!” I blurt our, rushing to hit the end call button, but him beating me to it as he cuts me off.

“Nope, I’m coming to get you. Make sure you’re ready to leave, because love I can tell how drunk you are. You’re all going to regret this in the morning, love you and see you soon” He laughs out, all of us hearing the obvious smirk in his voice. We all let out matching groans before I reply to him and tell him that I love him and will see him soon.

“Okay we have approximately 15-20 minutes till he gets here, time for shots!” Ally yells, rushing to grab the drinks as we all stumble after her in excitement. We drink a little more than we probably should, enjoying our time together as we laugh about childhood memories, but end up going silent as we hear someone knock on the door. Andy gets up to answer the door, leaning across the doorway so that Ruel is stuck outside laughing as he sees the state we are all in. We’re all staring at him wide eyed, not fully comprehending who the tall green eyed boy is, watching me with a small smile.

“Andy I know you and the girls don’t want her to leave, but it’s time for her to go home and sleep off all this alcohol” he laughs, watching the sad looks on our faces as we all groan. We know he’s right in the back of our minds, since he’s the only one that can actually handle and take care of drunk me, also the only one that can take care of hangover me, because trust me she’s not a pretty site.

I get up and stumble around as I hug the girls goodbye and walk to wear he’s still standing in the doorway, he softly smiles at me before lacing our fingers together. I watch our hands and smile, feeling the way they perfectly fit together. He chuckles and waves goodbye to the girls, lifting me up into his arms and walking us to the car. He opens the passenger door and slides me in, buckling me up as I stare at him in awe, completely floored by the beautiful boy in front of me. He lets out a soft laugh and brushes some of my hair out of my face, watching the way my face heats up as his eyes look over my face. He closes the door and walks to the drivers side, getting in and buckling up so we can leave, placing his hand on my thigh but looking at me in shock as I push it off of me.

“Sorry bud, I can’t let you do that. I have a boyfriend, who won’t be happy about this.” I huff out, giving him a small glare for trying to make moves on me. He looks over at me and rolls his eyes, realizing that I might be a little more than just tipsy from my girls night. I continue to stare at him, with a hazy glare, watching as he glances over at me every now and then while he drives. My eyes slowly start to wander over him, before I snap my attention to the windshield, feeling guilty about how attractive I found him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know. What’s your boyfriend like?” He questions me softly, causing me to breakout in a lovestruck grin. I let out a sigh, thinking about the beautiful boy I’m smitten with, not realizing that said boy is watching me with a matching love filled grin.

“He’s perfect, like he’s cuddly and loves me for me. He’s kind of an idiot, but he’s my idiot. I miss him” I start off excitedly, before getting sad and feeling my eyes start to well up with unshed tears. The smile falls off his face as he watches the whirlwind of emotions pass through me, immediately questioning me again to get me to not cry.

“I bet he misses you too, don’t worry you’ll see him soon, since he’s the one that has to take care of you when you’re a little too tipsy. Now tell me more about this oh so perfect man” he laughs out, watching the way I excitedly shake my head up and down, thrilled with the thought of getting to talk about him. I reach over and grip his arm that’s resting on the middle console, completely overwhelmed with happiness.

“I don’t know where to start, he’s tall as fuck, he has pretty green eyes, and his hair is literally just ughhh-” I groan out, wondering how such an insanely attractive guy like Ruel fell for me. I glance over at the green eyed boy for a second before noticing something, “hey you kinda look like him, do you know him?” I slur out, watching as he laughs and gives me a little smirk. He nods his head causing me to gasp, confused on why I’ve never met him before.

“Yeah, we’re actually like really close. He talks about you all the time you know-” he states, watching the curious look that fills my eyes. I shift to turn and face him, falling over a little onto the dashboard before his hand shoots out and presses me back against the seat, cutting him off from what he was about to say. He watches me with a cautious look before letting his hand move back to the console, “how about I tell you more once I get you back home.” He states, leaving no room for arguments. I nod my head, feeling more sluggish than usual, before slowly drifting off.

———

I wake up to the feeling of someone removing my pants, instantly becoming alarmed. I let out a shriek and kick my attacker away, not being able to fully control the movements of my body, only to have them grab my feet and let out a laugh. My blurry eyes finally land on the figure, seeing the same boy from earlier watching me with a small boyish grin, I smile back before I notice I have no shirt on and my pants are halfway down my legs. I drunkenly sit up and push him away, using my arms to cover my body.

“Stop it! I have a boyfriend, I told you that. I love him too much to let you do this you little fuck” I snap out, my speech still heavily slurred from my drinks that I had half an hour ago. He rolls his eyes and walks to the closet, pulling out one of my boyfriends shirts, before coming to sit on the bed next to me.

“I know you have a boyfriend, because guess what? He’s me” he groans out, wanting to get me dressed and back to sleep. I watch him with a glare, completely not believing him. Upon seeing my doubtful expression, he stands in front of me with a groan. He exasperatedly throws his hands in the air, unsure on how to convince me, since I’ve never gotten this drunk before.

“Look I promise I’m you’re boyfriend. That’s why we look the same, that’s why I knew how to get here, knew where his clothes where, and also how I had a house key considering you left yours here. Also you’re never getting this drunk again, I don’t think I could take it” He states, watching the look of awe take over my face, as if he just performed a magic trick in front of me.

“You’ve been my boyfriend this whole time? How come you didn’t tell me! Oh my god I have the hottest boyfriend alive, do you love me?” I excitedly slur out, watching the way his face softens as he sits next to me, softly taking the rest of my pants off and putting his shirt on me. He grabs my hand and places a kiss to my palm, before leaning his face against it.

“I love you more than anything, I love you so much that I’m willing to take care of you when you do shit like this, and also willing to take care of you when you’re hungover. You’re gonna be an absolute monster in the morning” he muses, watching how my love filled grin turns into a glare at his words, him instantly chuckling before reaching for the nightstand. He passes me a water bottle, watching me stare at it with a hesitant glance. He lets out a sigh before opening it and placing it against my lips, I instantly push it away.

“I think I drank too much today, I shouldn’t have anymore, you should know that Ruel.” I state, crossing my arms defiantly. He lets out an annoyed groan, running his hand down his face, looking at me with a pleading glare. I clumsily grab the bottle, lifting it to my nose, before giving him a confused look.

“Baby it’s not vodka, it’s water. You’re too drunk and need it, so drink the water before I take drastic measures” he dramatically groans, throwing himself back on to the bed. I let out a laugh at his antics, drinking from the bottle like I haven’t drank anything in years. He rips the bottle away from me, looking at me with fear in his eyes, watching me as he waits for the inevitable.

“Oh no I drank too much, I’m gonna puke” I cry out, watching his eyes widen as he puts the water on the nightstand and sprints to the bathroom with me in his arms. He drops me onto the floor, instantly using one hand to lift the lid, the other hand going straight to my hair to put it in a makeshift ponytail. I gag as feel all the liquid in my stomach slosh around, feeling Ruel rub my back lightly. Once I finish, he sets me on the counter, getting out my toothbrush and brushing my teeth for me, giving me a small smile as he sees my teary eyes.

“Baby you’re gonna be the death of me” he groans out, causing me to shrug and wrap my arms around him. He carries me to the bed, wrapping me up in his arms, knowing the next 24 hours are going to be long. I shift backwards, pushing myself into him as much as I can, having sobered up a bit from everything leaving my stomach. He lets out a chuckle and kisses the top of my head, squeezing me tighter against him.

“Ruel, it was me” I hesitantly whisper out, feeling him tense at my ominous statement. He shifts and leans over me, peering at me with cautious eyes. I look away, not able to handle his unwavering gaze. He instantly tilts my head back so that I make eye contact with him, giving me a small nod in hopes of urging me to elaborate.

“What was you Baby?” He questions slowly, watching as a guilty expression covers my face. I put my hands over my face, letting out a sigh, knowing the truth has to come out at some point. Hopefully he doesn’t break up with me over it.

“It was me. I was the Krusty Krab caller” I cry out, throwing myself on top of him. He freezes and sends me a small glare. Watching as the guilt on my face worsens, letting out a groan and running his hands across his face.

Let’s just say that after that night I never drank that much again, because my Krusty Krab call almost broke him. He’s the shell of the man he once used to be.

[readyplayerhobi]

Could you by any chance tell us more about what it was like to be in korea? I feel like I should know more about what goes on in other countries, because in America, we really only get to know about what goes on in ours.

Hmmm, I've travelled a lot so I might be less aware of things that might be unusual. Stuff I noticed was that there seemed a lot of protests all the time around the government buildings 😂 prepare for a long post and not all of it is hugely relevant lol just things I observed in Korea. And FYI, Seoul is my favourite place I've ever visited so I LOVE IT.

There were a lot of guys in military uniform just walking round. Obviously on leave but I found it interesting they just all seemed to wear the uniform still.

A lot of street food that pops up in the mid afternoon. The streets fill with them and there's so many different kinds of food available. They're really good too!

The subway stations were massive and Koreans actually paid attention to the signage most of the time so it wasn't often you'd see someone say in the pregnant lady seat or the disabled/elderly/with kids seats unless they were one of those.

Couples everywhere. Oh lord, so many couples always taking pictures. On that note, I've never seen so many people take pictures and selfies as I did when I was in Korea. It was something my best friend and I both noticed. Like there were some girls who spent half an hour taking pictures of themselves to get it right?!

They were exceptionally polite. I didnt come across a single Korean who was rude or made me feel unwelcome. Everyone was always pleased to hear my attempts at Korean and they were always happy to try and help. Often ended up with what seemed like some kinda weird sign language going on lmao. And let's not even get started on the time my friend managed to lock us in instead of opening the door for the guy delivering fried chicken, so we had to tell him the door code through the door so he could open it and show us how it worked 😂😂😂😂

Also, the kids were so cute! I don't even like kids but oml. I went to the toilet at Gyeongbokgung Palace and as I was coming out, this herd of young kids in school uniforms comes rushing in. They take one look at me and all stop dead, bow their heads to me and tell me annyeonghaseyo or hello in English before carrying on. Amazing, that'd never happen here 😂😂

So much free shit in stores. Good god, you spend so much you get x free. You spend so much you get y free too. I ended up spending like...25,000₩ extra on something in a shop cos the woman told me I'd get a discount and somehow ended up with 30,000₩ off my bill. Figure that out 😂

Lots of tiny dogs like the ones BTS have. Understandable though, as it looked like pretty much EVERYONE lived in an apartment in Seoul. The only houses I really saw were the old style ones.

The most ridiculous number of coffee shops and cafes you've ever seen. So many, so...so many coffee shops. And so many make up/skin care/contact lens stores. It kinda baffles me how they all make money.

I almost got run over like twice lol koreans...have interesting driving habits. We were literally gobsmacked to watch people regularly just stop at the side of the road, get out and go in a store for like half an hour. Without locking their car...and often leaving it running! One dude in a coffee shop just walked out for forty odd minutes and left his MacBook and no one even looked at it. Koreans don't seem to have a culture of stealing I guess??? We were like 'lmao that'd be gone in 10 minutes in the UK'.

On another driving note, I did not understand the driving rules tbh lmao some people would just dump their car wherever they stopped? Like a taxi driver literally left his car at a five way intersection just...on the corner of one of them? Also...so many Hyundai's and Kia's 😂😂 with obscene levels of darkened windows.

I probably had a slightly more unique experience in Korea because I'm white but my best friend is Chinese. They often mistook her for Korean and would just start chattering away to her while she just looked at them wide eyed. I mean seriously, this happened so many times lmao. And they deadass would ignore I existed. Which was hilarious to me because I'm 5'8, visibly foreign and not skinny so they were definitely aware I was there.

Like we got odeng at a street stand and this Korean ahjussi starts chatting to my friend in Korean and she has to stutter out that she's English in Korean. Then explain she's Chinese ethnicity but English. He was fascinated and didn't believe her and it was like 'dude, she's literally stood with me'. The best story I have from Korea is when this little ahjumma comes up to us when we're looking at the map in the subway and starts talking to my friend. She starts to try to tell her she's not Korean when this ahjumma literally stops what she's saying, scans me up and down then walks off without saying another word. I thought it was the funniest thing 😂

Lots of freaking churches, good god. There were so many and with huge ass crosses on top so they could be seen. I mean...I'm from England so I'm used to seeing churches obviously but there just felt like SO MANY. This seems to be a reoccurrence I've noticed, I've just realised lol

Honestly...Korea was amazing. I love it haha, can't wait to go back!

[smashskate]

Honey Newcomb - For @eeriesims​‘s “The Many Suitors of One Clary Wiggins”

Honey Newcomb is your resident nymph-next door; A bubbly personality surrounded by unearthly beauty, she’s a staple character in the Glimmerbrook community. Having lived there since she was a child, Honey is well integrated with the residents who inhabit the sweet little sea town. Although she was urged by her mother and father to go to a specialty school to develop her inherited powers, Honey decided she would rather settle down with a normal job, taking up the position as Head Waitress at Dino’s Diner. Since then, she’s developed a strong foundation within the community, often letting people confide in her over a morning cup of coffee. If you need help with a problem, need to vent, or just want to talk, you go to Honey. She also bakes a mean apple pie; you’ll always come back for another slice.

General Information

Name: Honey Erytheia Newcomb

Birthday/Age: October 7th, 1994 (Age 25)

Astrological Info: Libra Sun, Cancer Moon, Pisces rising

Species: Hesperides Nymph

Height: 5’5

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

Gender/Pronouns: Female, she/her pronouns

Nicknames: Honey (her name is a nickname in of itself), Bee + Honey Bun by friends and family, Betty by many of the townsfolk for her similarities to a stereotypical 50s blonde

Occupation: The Head Waitress at Dino’s Diner; everyone knows her, everyone loves her.

Fun Facts

“You know, back when I did roller derby…” - The key factor that drew Honey to the waitress application at Dino’s was the inclusion of rollerskates in the uniform. Honey competed in professional roller derby during her early twenties, and never quite gave up her love for it. However, she soon found out she was much more coordinated on the track than in the diner when she fell flat on her arse the first day. She’ll bring her past up at random points, but mostly to convince people that she’s not a complete mess on wheels.

“How are y’all doin’ today?” - Somehow, over the years, Honey developed a slight southern drawl. This was peculiar, since no one in her family has a southern accent and Glimmerbrook is nowhere near the deep south. However, customers find it quite charming. Honey chalks this quirk up to her being incredibly impressionable, assuming she picked it up from some passing tourists.

“He’s not weird, he’s adorable!” - Being a nymph, Honey has always had a connection to nature and animals. This has brought her to collect an interesting array of pets over the years. Her most beloved pet is her tarantula, Alberto. People never seem to want to get to know him, and just think he’s strange. It wounds her deeply, he’s a lovely fellow once you warm up to him!

“Oh my gosh, I’m not even goin’ that fast, stop screaming!” - Honey is a horrible driver. She’ll never admit it, and always offers to give people rides or be the designated driver. Don’t let her. Please, it’s for your own good. She drives a buggy that looks like its been through a hurricane.

“See, watch!” *fuse bursts* - Honey’s overarching classification is a Light/Star nymph, although specifically her species is a Hesperides. This means that she cannot create light, but she can manipulate it. Or rather, she would be able to, if she went to school to hone her skills. As it stands, all she can do is make lights shine a little brighter, although it usually comes with a few busted fuses. She can light candles without matches though, which is pretty cool.

“A second chance can’t hurt, right?” - In her younger years, Honey was incredibly trusting, almost to a fault. She often put others before herself, and some took advantage of that. While she’s learned from her mistakes, there's still a part of her that always wants to see the best in people. She doesn’t like to use the term naive, but she knows that it’s an accurate descriptor sometimes.

“... Sorry, what was I saying?” - Honey tends to ramble a lot, and often loses her train of thought. You’ll get her started on one topic, and in a few seconds you’ll be miles away. You might have to tap her on the shoulder to reel her back into the present.

Fun Little Quirks

Her favorite fruit is peaches, and she has to have some at least once a day. It brings her life a little more consistency.

Her handwriting is incredibly neat. The cooks who read the orders at the diner appreciate this immensely.

She’s played the violin since she was a child. While she hasn’t played ensemble in years, she still picks it up for a tune now and then.

There's a tally board in the kitchen at the diner counting how many plates she’s broken. They’ve already had to move to a second page.

She loves to embroider, and often gives her latest projects to her friends for free. Most of the shops in town have one hanging in their window.

Important Questions

How did you meet Clary?

“Well, it’s the funniest thing! I actually heard about her before I met her. I was pouring a morning cup of green tea for Guillermo Reyes, you know, the librarian? And you know how much that man loves a little gossip. Well, he told me that he had heard from Layla who heard from Jack who heard from Mabel that Ronnie had seen a mysterious woman pull up to Etheline’s house late the afternoon before, and that apparently it was her granddaughter! So, of course, I’m intrigued. And then, as luck has it, right when Mr.Reyes walked out the door, she walked in! She sat down at a booth, and I was so nervous that I forgot to take off my skates when I went to take her order! So, of course, I fell. Oh gosh, I’m embarrassed even thinking about it! Thankfully, she didn’t make fun of me, just gave a little chuckle and helped me to my feet. I took her order in pretty much a daze. I almost fell over again when she waved at me on her way out.”

What was your first impression of Clary?

“Honestly? Well, of course I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Dark hair, dark eyes, ugh! I could go on all day! I also noticed her ears. While elves and nymphs aren’t exactly uncommon ‘round here, their ears haven’t really been passed down. So seeing a dame with those ears? Shocking, but amazing! I haven’t seen someone with ears like mine in many moons. Her hands were also incredibly soft. Literally, I don’t think I’ve ever felt something so soft in my life! Well, that’s probably not true... but that’s how it felt!”

What is your ideal date?

“Oh gosh, I haven’t been on a real date in so long! Well, from my experience, it’s always best to get to know someone a little bit before going on a date. I would invite them over to the diner a few times, just to form a bond. They also get to see me in my natural habitat, at my happiest and my most stressed. Then, once that’s done, I’d love a picnic at the wharf! Sure, the area’s a bit grimey and cluttered, but it’s just so peaceful there, you wouldn’t believe it! One of my other favorite past times is stargazing in the fields just outside of town. There’s this hidden nook in the trees there that my parents used to take me to for training. It gets the most beautiful lighting, day or night. I’ve always wanted to take someone there!”

What is your ideal relationship?

“I really just want someone who’s as invested in the relationship as I am. Some people only want to date for the sake of dating, not actually caring for the other person as they should. If I get into a relationship, I want to feel everything. The highs, lows, and in-betweens. Obviously no relationship is perfect, but I am a firm believer in clear communication. I need to know how you’re feeling.”

“I’m also super touchy-feely. Doesn’t matter when or why, I’ll probably be draping myself over you in some way. Physical contact doesn’t have to lead to something more; Sometimes the best thing is just knowing that the other person is there with you.”

“I want a relationship where we listen to each other. Even if I don’t understand your emotions regarding something, I want to validate them and be there for you. But I want that from the other person too. I tend to be pretty insecure at times, and it would be nice to have someone to snap me out of those thoughts every now and then. I believe that in a relationship you grow together.”

“I never really know what to expect out of a relationship, because everyone’s different. I’m not gonna lie, there's been a few people who have taken me through the ringer, and I haven’t come out undamaged. I want someone who can show me how beautiful love can be, even with its faults.”

What is Honey’s personality like?

Like her name, Honey is sweetness personified. She dislikes the stereotype of nymphs being air-headed and easily manipulated. She is kind and caring, but she doesn’t want to let people walk over her. Sadly, she is often one to walk over herself. She tends to be very self-critical, always wondering if she could have ever amounted to something more. Although she never craved a life beyond her current status, her mother’s powerful reputation as a healer looms over her. She’s also probably the clumsiest person you will ever meet, often taking off her roller-skates to deliver orders to tables out of fear of falling over. Big “i’m baby” energy.

Even though she’s young, Honey is definitely the mom type. Everyone who walks through the door has a story, and she wants to make them feel welcome and wanted no matter what, rain or shine. If someone’s feeling down, she’ll make the sun shine a little brighter. She also has a knack for guessing just what people want to eat on any given day. If you think you don’t know what you want, no problem. Honey’s great at reading people, but there have been times where she’s let the glasses stay on a bit too long.

Honey lives in a cottage in the suburbs of Glimmerbrook. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming, but don’t come in without being invited. She’s got about fifteen guard animals waiting.

Honey’s hobbies mostly revolve around baking, cooking, and general upkeep of the diner. After hours, you’ll most likely find her bundled up on the back steps of the diner, sharing a hot chocolate with one of Glimmerbrook’s interesting residents, or giving tourists tips on the hidden gems around town. Honey is perfectly amicable with the townsfolk, and loves them dearly, but she’s never been able to find that special someone. She hopes that one day someone will come to sweep her off her feet and make her feel the things she’s heard about from the local lovebirds.

In-Game Information

Traits:

Cheerful

Outgoing

Clumsy

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Outfits (L to R: Work ~ Everyday ~ Date)

[moodyoranged]

ballard girls <3<3

who has known each other the longest?  hadley and faith actually.  they both grew up in ballard,  and had ties to the boys group that had them hanging out.  i think this group differes from ballard boys in that they kind of linked up in college and weren’t like lifelong friends like the guys (though some of them did know each other before then)

favorite things to do together/hang out spots?  they also just like to hang and talk for the most part.  i think they’re the type to do little crafts and activities together too.  maybe bake. they like going out more than the boys do but they also love hanging out at hadley’s parent’s place or austin and camryn’s place a lot too

who texts the gc the most?  oh they all feel like excessive texters.  i’d say probably hadley maybe camryn they just feel the most extra about something like that but faith always politely replies and tayla and anna both put their two cents in.

who never answers calls/texts?  jade on account of the twins faye on account of being a hot bitch with other shit to do.

who’s the best at keeping secrets?  faith or tayla.  maybe faye. they just all feel like they would either be sympathetic to why you would want to keep something a secret OR just understand the concept enough to do you that solid.

who’s the worst at keeping secrets?  hadley.  i love you baby girl but that’s not your super power.  anna i got my eye on too.

who’s the designated driver?  again i think they take turns.  faith if i had to say ends up there the most because she’s a goody girl but they give her a break if girlie ever wants to let loose she deserves it.

who’s the funniest?  oh well its hard because i love them but idk if any of them are exactly Comedians... i could see maybe tayla or faye having some jokes

who’s the most boring?  none of them are boring they’re all amazing.... jade is boring in the sense that she’s a mom now and she has to be home by 9pm so her mom can go to sleep because she works very early :pensive:

traditions?  i think they have more little traditions than like big ones  ( even though their yearly christmas party and secret santa gift exchange is a little bit iconic you are dealing with a group of people here who don’t have an off button when it goes to being cute amazing friends who don’t have an off button with gift giving ).  but anyways they’re like the kind of people to have monthly outings and celebrate all their little benchmarks and having different little traditions they’ve carried since college.  they’re like a sorority but they weren’t they were just an insane friend group that thinks their bi-yearly no-partners-allowed lakeside getaways are their god given right.

worst falling out?  i think they don’t have fallings out just mostly little spats.  like you said anna and hadley have the potential to get on each other’s nerves and i think jade did feel the need to confront them when she felt like they were moving on from being her friend.  but like they’re good at having a come to jesus moment and resolving their problems quick after they come up

who is the closest?  i think camryn is very close with hadley and faith in different ways like we’ve talked about how their dynamics are different but they’re something of a trio. beyond that idk i think in my brain i make tayla and anna close and then jade falls in a little more with them.  and then faye and tayla and camryn feel like another close little group but ultimately beyond camryn hadley and faith i think they work best as one big friend group they just compliment each other well as we’ve discussed hardcore tonight

who is the least close?  hadley and anna.  as established they just cannot be alone together they have to be in a larger group or at least have camryn sitting between them to work

best potential couple? hadley and faye gay!hadley rise and tbh i think getting wifed up by a girl boss would do her some good.

worst potential couple?  not to keep resorting to hadley and anna but.  it’s right there.  gay!hadley but in a way where her life becomes worse and we cannot have that.

who has kissed?  again i think like they’ve maybe kissed in a cute girl friends in a selfie way or like pecking for spin the bottle/other party games.  i don’t think any of them have really kissed kissed in a context outside of these

who has hooked up?  again i think none of them i think unless you have some headcanons i haven’t heard about.

who are most likely to hook up that haven’t already?  these are boring friend groups for these last few q’s because they are a little strictly platonic like they’re just best girl friends for real and idk if any of them are exceptionally likely to hook up. 

@loveback

​

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[thevoidwell]

Ahhh running late with today's ask (you'll have a lot to answer lol) but do you have any headcanons on how chaotic a road trip with the hell bards would be? Bonus if Vaness is forced to be there

OMG THIS IS AMAZING and it would be absolutely hilarious

Caden usually drives, but if it’s a long trip, then Zander will take over sometimes so he can have a break

Vaness tried to convince them to let her drive instead because she was worried they’d crash the car, and Lev said that she wouldn’t be able to see over the steering wheel

She was not amused, but Lev was

Needless to say, Lev is a road safety hazard and should never be permitted to operate a vehicle

No one really knows if she’s actually ever gotten into an accident, but it’s probably likely and it’s just better not to risk it

Lev has the weirdest taste in music, and while Caden and Zander are accustomed to it, Vaness is not

Zander is constantly making sure everyone’s seatbelts are buckled because he doesn’t want anything to happen or for anyone to get hurt

It’s become a running joke (“Zan to the rescue with Car Safety 101″) but they know it actually comes from good intentions and so they secretly appreciate it

One of the things that irritates Caden the most is impatient drivers.  He will lose his mind over people who swerve into a lane at the last second (“You had so much time”) and people who hit the car horn ten times because they’re angry that a pedestrian exists

Caden himself, though, is also an impatient driver, and will also lose his mind when there is traffic

The Hell-Bards do the thing that everyone does on a road trip where, when they see any kind of animal they hadn’t expected to see, they suddenly announce the kind of animal (“Horse” “Oh look, deer”)

Vaness thinks it’s the stupidest thing because any fool can see the animals without you announcing their presence to a quiet car but one time she slips up and does it, too.  They never let her live it down, because it’s hardly stupid now that she’s done it

One time, Lev sees a turkey vulture and doesn’t recognize what it is at first.  She just sees a really big winged creature, and panics as she forgets the name, so she just blurts out, “Pterodactyl”

Caden and Zander think it’s the funniest thing so from then on, every larger-than-average bird is a pterodactyl

Vaness doesn’t laugh, but she privately thinks it’s a little bit funny.  In the kind of stupid, it-shouldn’t-be-funny way

When they get to their destination (this is assuming Caden is driving) Zander always reminds him to park close to wherever they’re going.  Caden never actually does this, and many a time they’ve been in the pouring rain walking twenty minutes to get back to the car because he didn’t listen

The longer the trip, the more chaotic Lev starts acting because she can’t stand sitting still for more than, like, three hours.  Sometimes it gets to the point where Vaness will ask Caden or Zander to stop just so they can all take a break and not have to put up with a hyperactive Lev

Once they get back, Vaness says it was the most horrible experience of her life and she’d never go on a road trip with them again, etc.  But she had fun.  She just can’t ruin her reputation, after all

[atomicfilm]

The types as people I know

ENTP: dnd enthusiast, trying to sell the world on his beliefs, owns like 69 :0 rubix cubes so people will know he’s smart, probably wears a cloak when he’s home alone, loves volunteering at bingo w/ elderly people, always trying to compete w/ me to finish our work first/best and usually looses because he overlooks something, 98% of people are annoyed by his presence, likes to start fights/debates, actually super sweet and big on respect but misunderstood

INTP: we all adopt really random catchphrases (mine is “that’s hot” and my friend’s is “j’accuse”), we have very specific interests (”your thing is learning about concentration camps in the Czech Republic? Mine is 18th-century poems about cats in fishbowls”), devoted to comedy, going to vote but doesn’t openly support anyone because the candidate will mess up, caught between dreaming and reality, doesn’t really understand other people’s perceptions of them, built to withstand anything (and I mean anything, more on that later), managing my bookmarks is my routine chore

ENFP: stereotypical gemini through and through, I love her but I can’t stand to be close friends with her, has a bunch of plans to marry people and move in with friends later in life, friends w/ everyone she has ever met (if you say you don’t like her then you’re on her hit list), very nice but definitely scheming, attention split between 8,917 things rn, falls in love easily and obsessively, so so creative, great singer, wants to go into advertising but will probably become a pediatrician, loves babies and taking care of things

INFP: lots of feels, really into the arts, nervous about talking, people pleaser, writes poems in their spare time, would adopt 500 puppies if it made financial sense and wouldn’t stress them out, stressed out anyway, sees the red flags but ignores them, either your literal mom or the mom friend

ISFP: aesthetics-oriented, their room is really clean except for one area with whatever they collect (shoes, tchotchkes from Asia, snowglobes, ect.), usually overshadowed in the art department but turn out to be the best artist in the room, speak French and/or want to move to Paris (except it’s dirty, wah), they typically measure in oofs (”big oof”, “little oof”, “8 oz. of oof”)

ESFP: a new boyfriend every two weeks, eyebrow game strong, funniest person in the room (or at least that’s what they think), extremely sassy, watches videos of tobacco spitting contests in the Midwest for fun, 9/10 times (this is a fake statistic) they’re a theatre kid, forget who you are if they haven’t seen you in a year (even if you were close friends prior), drives fast (and poorly), hot (and knows it), very confident, their default state is shirtless, dramatic 

ISTP:  everything is an adventure, their ideal romance movie is Baby Driver, wants to learn how to hot-wire a car, doesn’t realize they look punk but they do, should be employed as a makeup artist, probably pretty kinky (or at least act like it), either a fake f-boy or a very, very real one 

ESTP: wants to be an architect or CEO, mostly wants to be paid to do nothing, most-often found asleep during class or telling a story in a crowd at a party, drives drunk a lot, already dating someone but tries to get with you anyway, straight male w/ dangly earrings (queer vibes), very hilarious and everyone knows who they are, their closest friends are introverts who they force to share the spotlight w/ them, either don’t show up or show up late, fun to be around, class valedictorian but everyone thinks it’s someone else

ESFJ: once had a nightmare where all of their friends got drunk and they had to take care of them, brings you cupcakes on your birthday, all of their friends are social degenerates and they don’t know what to do, watches children’s movies their entire life, has more stuffed animals than friends, everyone knows who they are 

ISFJ: their catchphrase is “I need healing” (warning: they will steal your catchphrase), carries a singular band-aid at all times, makes lots of jokes about Communism, makes racist jokes against themself, their extended family lives with them, uncomfortable about breaking rules, always wants to pay for things, everyone’s boyfriend but only dating 1 person/no one, big on the American Dream, literally Captain America, appears to be a virgin at first, makes lots of sex jokes once you get to know them, n e r d, good at everything /  you thought perfect people didn’t exist? you were wrong

ISTJ: ESTP’s best friend, the obviously intellectual one, does everything with amazing skill, supports their friends tirelessly, great at math, understand systems really well, the designated driver, try to follow the rules as best as they can, laughs a lot at other people’s engineering mistakes, quiet and unnoticed most of the time, surprisingly funny

ESTJ: give you advice even when you don’t ask for it, seem like they’re judging every decision you have ever made, won’t speak to you if you lie to them, the stereotypical club president, takes initiative, likes to mention that mission trip they went on very frequently, shops at Dillards (always hunting for good deals), has a very traditional sense of fashion until you see their crocodile cowboy boots, they have a very idealistic sense of society and if you don’t meet their standards they’ll yell very loudly, remembers everything, constantly fact-checking, actually should be president 

ENTJ: control freak, but only because they don’t trust you enough to make the right decision, ready to race you at all times, could probably run a mile in 6 minutes without breaking a sweat, confident, prefer strategy games like Settlers of Catan, if they were a society they would be Ancient Rome, want to motivate you to succeed, see themselves as the best but want everyone to match them, running out of patience, seems insensitive and ready to cut you off but probably has a warm, beating heart (idk I haven’t dissected them, personally)

INTJ: I don’t think they really exist, supposedly everyone on Tumblr is one but they only make up approximately .8% of the population, if I met one I would probably think they’re a weirdly assertive/controlling INTP, I think people mistype as one because their ideal sense of self is being an effective problem-solver who challenges tradition from the comfort of their home and purposefully does things (i.e. learning a new language for business) but are they really

Idk 

I can’t tell if they have a high sense of self or are trying to demonize themselves

INTJs are textbook villains in the movie world but also probably a lot of detectives or something

ENFJ: don’t know any of them/anyone I think could be one personally but I wish I did / I feel like if I met one I would want to be as good of a person as them all the time

INFJ: not very reality-oriented yet in love with science, wants to be a writer, curious, wants to figure everything out but primarily wants to love everyone, passionate about a few specific projects that they talk a lot about (social issues), always reblogs positivity posts, once gave a ted talk about mental health, he’s the debate captain yet cries every time he loses a debate (because he has a lot of self-doubt), prefers to nap than to talk sometimes, eventually realizes they wants to adopt all of the people younger than him and protect them from the world, easy to love, they may reflect your personality, may also have very particular body movements (the one I know does a lot of fan kicks), actually make NTs feel (like a lot, like a lot a lot, like real crying), eventually dates their best friend and marries them, doesn’t draw but collects art