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thetriumphantpanda · 10 months

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Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter Eight)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 4.4k

Warnings / Soft!Joel as usual, some heavy petting, descriptions of panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (I am not a medical professional, please don't come for me), descriptions of food and alcohol, but nothing else.

Authors Note / Okay, so this came to me in a dream when I was really stuck on how to properly move these two forward and I hope that I've managed to portray it properly. If you enjoyed this then please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or popping into my ask with some love! And if you'd like to leave a tip, you can do that over on my Ko-Fi.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Summer soon makes way for the fall, the air becoming chillier in Jackson by the day. The leaves have started to change, and you can already feel yourself missing the warmth and comfort that summer brought. The days are shorter, but that might also have something to do with the fact that you were finally back to work at the library full time, spending your days with Kate, and your evenings, more often than not, with Joel and Ellie.

You and Joel were still taking things steady. You always returned to your home each evening and nothing had progressed between the two of you apart from the heavy make-out sessions you would sometimes have on his couch. He was careful with you, always searching your face when his hands would touch somewhere new, always asking if it was alright to put his lips to your neck, pointing to exactly where he’d put his mouth with his fingers. It was nice, you enjoyed it, and there had never been a moment where you felt he was frustrated with how slow things were going between the two of you. Always content to just sit with his arm around you, play board games with you and Ellie and just have quiet conversation in the dark of his living room.

It was, however, frustrating you. There had been occasions where you’d stood on the porch, waiting for him to open the door, where you thought that evening would be the one. It had happened more often recently, now that Ellie had converted the garage at the end of their garden as somewhere to have her own space, but every time you felt like you wanted to ask, ask him to lay you down underneath him and take what you were desperate for, something always stopped you.

Tonight, it was particularly cold out. Joel had set a fire which had warmed his living room, casting an orange, flickering glow over the game of monopoly that Ellie had just won. You’d been at it for hours, a back and forth of Joel trying to convince you to sell your properties to him in exchange for his utilities, you refusing and instead ganging up with Ellie to buy up most of the board, before she turned on you as well.

“Told ya,” Joel smirks, nudging you with his elbow, “Should’a sold your blues to me, then we’d be the winners.”

“Joel,” You chuckle, as you take the paper money from Ellie to put back in the box, “You offered me two utilities for my two blues, it was never going to happen.”

“Hey, I offered to throw in a kiss as well,” He winks at you, to which you swat his arm, “Usually wins you over.”

“You two a fucking gross sometimes,” Ellie laughs, “I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too long, oldies.”

She’s out of the backdoor in a flash, leaving you to finish clearing up the game and stack it away with the others, Joel is standing from the couch at the same time, “Nightcap?” He asks.

“Always,” You smile over your shoulder, “That’s what us old people do, right? Drink whiskey to help us sleep.”

He chuckles as he pulls the bottle from the cupboard. This had become an almost nightly routine now, you’d have a drink or two, cuddle up until you could feel your eyes get heavy and then go home to your empty house, your empty bed. But it didn’t ever feel that lonely anymore. Sure, sometimes you’d turn over and look at the empty side of the bed and wish someone was there, but more often than not it was Joel’s form you’d imagine there at night, not Mark, although he did still make his appearances.

The more you’d talked to Joel about him, the more comfortable you’d become with the idea that Mark would actually have really fucking liked Joel. Mark and Tommy had been close friends, and although Joel was certainly different to Tommy in many ways, you knew that if Joel had just been a friend, if Mark had continued to stay alive and healthy, they’d have been a firm trio of friends.

“You ever think you’d spend the rest of your days living out the apocalypse playing monopoly?” You ask as Joel hands you your glass, “Because if you’d have told me twenty years ago that’s what I’d be doing, I’d have laughed.”

He lets out a groan as he sits back down, opening his arm for you to curl up into his side like you usually do, “It does seem a bit domestic, doesn’t it?” He chuckles, taking a sip from his glass, “Nice though, especially when I got a pretty lady to cuddle up to as well.”

“You flirt,” You chuckle, sipping your own drink, “Mark would have hated evenings like this though.”

“Hmmm?” Joel hums, “Why’s that?”

“Just not his style,” You shrug, “Liked his evenings quiet, we’d eat dinner and read, and he’d be in bed as soon as it was dark.”

“You liked that?” Joel asks, hand running light touches up and down your arm.

“I didn’t mind it,” You answer honestly, “After years of bouncing from place to place, never knowing when you were going to have to move on or when you might die, it was nice to just be still and quiet I guess.”

“But you prefer getting your ass beat by a fifteen-year-old at monopoly?” He chuckles.

“I wouldn’t say prefer,” You laugh along, “It’s just a nice change.”

The whiskey, and the dying flames of the fire, are warming your bones. You finish the last of the whiskey and put the glass on the coffee table, settling back into Joel’s side, “You want a top up?” He asks, setting his own half-finished glass down.

You look up at him, “Not right now, but I’d like a kiss if you don’t mind?”

“Oh sweet pea, I never mind.” He grins, leaning down to capture your lips with his own.

There’s something in the air tonight that makes you bold as brass. You push yourself up a little so Joel isn’t craning his neck down to you so much, one of your hands coming to rest on his shoulder to steady yourself as you move to loom over him. You pull your lips from him just enough to settle yourself into a more comfortable position before they’re back together, this time, your tongue running along his bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open for you.

You don’t think you’re ever going to get tired of the way this man kisses you. Every time it’s like he won’t ever get the chance again. His big hands are cupping your face, pulling you further down, pressing your mouths closer together. The taste of the whiskey on his tongue is always intoxicating, but tonight even more so. Before you can really register what you’re doing, you throw one leg over his hip so you’re straddling his lap. There’s still a fair amount of space between the two of you, you’re hovering as far above his lap as you can manage, but Joel’s hands are moving from your face, resting on the waistband of your jeans where they are on your hips.

He lets out a quiet moan into your mouth which sends electric shocks down your spine to settle in your tummy and God, you want more. You let your own hands grip his broad shoulders and before you know it, those big hands of his are resting on the globes of your ass, gently palming them through the denim of your jeans. His touch is electric – his hands guiding you to settle further into his lap when you feel it. You sink down just far enough to feel the unmistakable bulge at the front of Joel’s jeans against your own aching core and jolts you. Makes you panic. How could you have possibly gotten this far without even thinking? It makes you want to be sick.

You pull away from his mouth and rest your forehead on his, “I’m sorry,” You mumble, “I’m fucking sorry Joel.”

“Hey,” He speaks, hands moving from your ass back to your face, “Look at me, sweet pea.”

You do, opening your eyes to meet his own, as always, not a hint of anger or frustration on his face, just one of concern, one that he’s pushed you too far and made you uncomfortable, “Why is this so fucking hard for me?” You speak, mostly for yourself.

“Because it’s a big deal,” He says simply, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, “You don’t have to be sorry about anythin’, it’s me actin’ like a damn teenager when I’ve got a pretty girl on my lap.”

You extricate yourself from his lap, trying not to watch as he adjusts himself so his erection isn’t so prevalent in his jeans. Once he’s gotten himself more comfortable, he finishes off his whiskey before he lets out a yawn. It must be late, the game had gone on for hours and you know he’s got morning patrol tomorrow.

“I’ll get outta your hair,” You mumble quietly, not quite sure why you’re the one feeling hurt now, “Know you’ve got an early morning.”

“Hey,” He grips your arm as you try and stand, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Thinkin’ I want ya to leave because we’re not having sex.”

“I don’t think that at all.” You say, defensively.

“Yes you do,” God why can he just always read you like this, “I’m not mad at you sweet pea, I will say it until I’m blue in the face, you take all the time you need,” He leans in as close to your ear as he possible can, “And when you’re ready, I’m gonna be so fuckin’ good to you, you won’t know your own name.”

You gasp, giggling at his words. The longer you’d been staying with him like this, the filthier promises had been dropping from his lips. Never to pressure you, only to promise you exactly what you had in store when you felt able to give yourself to him.

“Well,” You smile, giving his upper thigh a squeeze, “I’ll be sure to think of what that might entail when I get into bed later.”

A smirk appears on his lips, “Only if you tell me all about it tomorrow.”

It’s a few days later when you’re shutting up the library with Kate. She locks the door and hikes her bag higher on her shoulder, “You want to grab a drink at the bar?” She asks, “We haven’t been together in so long.”

You know that Joel is on patrol right now and won’t be back until later, and a drink at the bar usually means a good hearty meal as well, which you would really enjoy against the backdrop of the cold evening air, so you gladly agree. You’d been a few times in the past weeks, mainly with Tommy and Maria accompanying you and Joel, and thankfully, no-one, including Vanessa, had made any comments like the first night, so you were more comfortable there now.

You sit together with Kate, sipping a glass of whiskey and enjoying bowls of venison stew, watching as Ellie sits with a group of kids doing the same, but with glasses of juice instead. Joel had confided in you months ago that he was worried about her fitting in, that she’d struggled to make friends with people her own age, but since she’d started at the school, things had been better. She was attached to Dina and Cat by the hip most of the time, and it was nice to know she was able to enjoy being a kid for once.

“So, how are things going with your man?” Kate teases, dropping her spoon into her empty bowl.

“They’re okay,” You answer honestly, “Slow going, but that’s what I need.”

“I have to say, in the past few weeks you’re almost your old self.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot better to be honest,” You admit, “Like, I still struggle sometimes, but Belinda moved me to one appointment a month and said she thinks I’m finally on the road to a proper recovery.”

“Good,” She smiles, clinking her glass to yours, “And it’s not all him either,” She adds, “Sure he’s rugged and handsome, but don’t let anyone think we’re giving him all the credit for making you happy, you’ve done this all by yourself, you hear me?”

“I hear you,” You smile, taking a sip of your whiskey.

“Now hurry up,” She says, slamming her drink back, “I’ve got a date with Pride and Prejudice.”

You roll your eyes but knock back your own drink all the same, “You’ve read it at least six times since I’ve known you,” You stand, gathering your things, “And you’d still rather read it than spend time with me?”

“Sorry babes,” She chuckles, “But Mr Darcy wins every time.”

As you’re leaving The Tipsy Bison, you’re suddenly all too aware that there’s hell of a commotion going on in the street. The main gates are flung open, and people are shouting and screaming to each other as horses gallop in through the gates. Then, you can see Tommy. He’s dragging someone back through the gates. Then, you realise who it is and all the colour drains from your face. He’s dragging Joel and he’s covered in fucking blood. You bend over and try to not throw up. You can feel Kate at your side, trying to pull you up to standing again, you let her, but you can feel your knees start to buckle as you try and get down the steps and onto the street.

Maria is running towards you; you can see panic written on her face. Kate lets you go for a moment and as you’re running towards Tommy, you tumble down onto the ground, palms hitting the dirt and gravel. In any other circumstance you’d probably register the pain of landing on your knees at your age, but Maria is on the floor in front of you, bringing your face to the crook of her shoulder to shield you from whatever is going on.

“Joel… oh my god.” Is all you can mumble, just his name over and over again into Maria’s shoulder.

Then, you wonder what the fuck you’re doing on the floor. You look up and Tommy is coming towards you, him and another man dragging Joel, who looks to be just holding on to consciousness. You try and push yourself up, but Maria is trying to keep you grounded.

“Let go of me!” You scream, trying to tear Maria’s arms off you, “I have to go with him!”

“Darling, calm down.” She tries to soothe.

“No!” Another roar from your lungs, “Let me see him!”

You’re crying now, tears streaming down your face. You have to be near him. You have to know he’s okay. You can’t do this again, you can’t lose someone else, not like this. You’re trying to suck in breath through your mouth, but you just end up choking on the air as you continue to fight to get away, to follow behind Tommy who has rushed past you. You can see drops of blood on the ground, drop of Joel’s blood, and this is what finally causes you to throw up. His blood, on the floor, that means it’s bad.

You can feel someone else behind you trying to pull you up as Maria helps from the front, trying to get you away from the mess you’ve made from emptying your stomach on the floor. You fall into Maria’s arms again when she wraps them around you, running a hand over your hair to try and calm you down, whispering that it’s going to be okay and that you can see him soon.

Then, in your mind, your brain goes straight to Ellie. You’re whipping around, about to run back into the bar to get her, but when you do, you realise she’s the person who helped get you up off floor.

“Oh my God,” You breathe, pulling her into a hug of her own, “Ellie.”

She wraps her arms around your middle, squeezing you just as hard as you’re squeezing her before you pull away and cup her face in your hands. Her face is just as distraught as you must imagine yours is, although she’s not crying, just has a glazed look in her eye that breaks your heart even more. You don’t need to ask each other whether you’re okay. You both know the answer. You just pull back into each other and hug even tighter, until Maria is touching your lower back.

“Let’s go to the hospital,” She says, leading you both down the street, following the very obvious trail of blood, “Tommy can tell us what the fuck is going on, if nothing else.”

As you’re walking, you’re remembering the last time you made this trip to the hospital. Maria was guiding you then, you were crying then, knowing it was going to be the last time you got to see Mark. The last time you’d get to hold his hand. Watch the slow rise-and-fall of his chest. He was unconscious. He didn’t know you were there. He had no idea you kept hold of his hand right to the very end.

Your feet are carrying you at this point. You don’t feel like you’re inside your body at all, don’t feel at all human. The only thing anchoring you to the real world is Ellie’s hand clutched in your own and Maria’s guiding arm around your waist.

When you step through the doors of the hospital it’s a flurry. It looks as though Joel wasn’t the only one to get injured, although most of the other men in the waiting room look mainly walking wounded and not pouring blood out onto the ground. A nurse is tending to them as best she can, and then Tommy is bursting through the doors at the end of the hall, own clothes covered in blood, but looking like he might have gotten off scott-free, injury wise.

“What the fucking hell happened out there?!” Maria is demanding as she lets go of your briefly to hug her husband.

“It was a fuckin’ ambush,” Tommy spits, noticing Ellie and you stood behind her, shedding his jacket and throwing it to the side so you don’t have to look at the blood, “A whole fuckin’ group of ‘em, waiting us out at the lodge,” He lets Maria go, “Fuckin’ bastard’s took us by surprise, started firin’ all over the place, it was fuckin’ carnage,” He’s checking on Ellie next, “Thought we got ‘em all, and then outta fuckin’ nowhere this one guy manages to take a perfect shot at Joel, right through the shoulder.”

“Can we…” You trail off as he takes you in an embrace, “Can we see him?”

He pulls away, looking at you with eyes that says he’s sorry, and you’re not sure if he’s saying sorry because you can’t or because Joel might be dead. It makes your bottom lip wobble and more tears to spring in your eyes.

“They’re tryin’ to dig a bullet outta his shoulder, sweetheart,” He says, “As soon as he’s comfortable we’ll let you in, alright?”

You nod and let him, and Maria lead you and Ellie to a room that’s empty down the hall. Maria stays sat with you whilst Tommy goes to find something warm to drink, bringing back a flask of coffee that you don’t even bother to ask where he found it. He set a mug in your hands, giving Ellie some water instead, and that’s how you sit for what feels like hours. The room is mostly silent, save for the few times your emotions threaten to get the better of you and you have to take big, deep breaths to keep yourself in control. Your hand stays firmly clutched to Ellie’s; you both take turns rubbing your thumbs over each other’s hands to keep each other calm.

You don’t know how much time has passed, but a doctor is opening the door. He’s got a mask over his mouth, but no gloves on, scrubs with splatters of blood on them. Everyone in the room sits up in their chairs, waiting for the axe to drop, “He’s fine,” There’s a collective sigh of relief, “He’s lucky the bullet got lodged, we managed to pull it out and stitch him up fine, he’s just a little tired from the blood loss,” You finally let out your own breath that you’d been holding in, “He can have visitors, but one at a time.”

You turn to Ellie, “You go first,” You say, pulling her hand for her to stand up, “He’ll want to see you.”

She stands but doesn’t leave to follow the doctor until she’s bent down to give you a bone crushing hug. Tommy follows her out soon after, mumbling something about needing to check on the other guys, which leaves you and Maria alone.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble, suddenly all too embarrassed at your outburst in the street.

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“All that,” You gesture wildly with your hand, “Out there.”

She gets up from her chair and kneels in front of you, comforting hands on your knees, “Don’t be so silly,” She soothes, “Even I was fucking scared by it all, I know how much he means to you, so you don’t need to be sorry, ever, you understand?”

“I just feel so stupid,” You can feel your tears starting again, “It was just a single bullet wound, why did I act like it was the end of the world?”

“Because none of us knew that?” She offers, “He was almost unconscious girl, there was blood everywhere.”

“I thought….” You trail off, not wanting to admit what’s on the tip of your tongue.

“You thought you were going to lose him too?”

All you do is nod, letting a tear trickle down your face. Maria’s cold hands come up to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears, “That man is a stubborn son-of-a-bitch,” She soothes, “Gonna take a lot more than a single bullet to tear him away from you.”

Maria is just lifting herself from t he floor when Ellie comes back into the room, Tommy behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders, “I’m gonna take Ellie home, but he wanted to see you.” He’s motioning to you.

“Will you be alright on your own?” You ask to Ellie, it’s a stupid question, because she’s probably one of the most self-sufficient fifteen year old’s you’ve ever met, but you want her to know that she has you if she needs you.

“I think I’ll probably just crash,” She shrugs, clearly still reeling herself from what happened, “I know where to find you tomorrow if I need you.”

You give her one last hug before Tommy is leading her away down the hall, pointing through the doors at where you needed to go.

When you push open the door to his room, Joel is sat, propped up in bed with his shoulder wrapped up in what has to have been almost all the communes supply of bandages. His face is pale, and you can tell he’s in pain, so you let the door close behind you and stand right there, waiting for him to invite you closer. His shirt is ripped, where the doctor obviously didn’t want to waste time trying to get him out of it in a dignified manner, and there’s blood covering the material and his jeans have a fair splattering of it as well.

“It looks worse than it is, I promise,” He speaks softly, motioning for you to come and sit on the chair next to his bed, “I’m sorry I scared you.”

You shake your head as you take a seat, shuffling the chair closer to the bed, “Don’t be silly,” You respond, “You were bleeding quite profusely, you didn’t need to worry about me.”

He offers you his hand, led on the bed, palm upturned, which you take, wrapping your own hand around his, giving it a squeeze, just to make sure he is really still here, “Are you okay?” He asks, squeezing you hand back.

“Joel, please,” You sigh, “Don’t ask about me when you just got shot.”

“Well, I know I’m okay, and now you know I’m okay, so I’m asking you, sweet pea, are you okay?”

“I was so scared Joel,” You whimper, lip trembling, “I thought- oh god – that I might lose you as well.”

He releases your hand, only to brush the tears from your face before he’s gripping it again, “You listen to me,” He speaks, you look at him, “I have been shot at more times than I remember, it’s going to take hell of a lot more than a bullet to take me away from you, do you understand me?”

You nod, using. Your own free hand to wipe away more tears that have fallen from your eyes, “Can I hug you?”

“Promise to watch out for my shoulder?” He teases, you nod with a small smile, “Then I’d love a hug.”

You stand from the chair, leaning over to wrap your arms around his neck. Joel sits forward just a touch to let your arms snake around him, before his good arm is clutching around you and pulling you down. You let your head drop to the crook of his neck, where you turn and press a kiss to his skin, breathe in his scent, take him all in.

It’s in this moment that you realise you might just have the capacity to love this man. This man who has done nothing but be kind to you. This man who has been so patient and soft and understanding at every marker of whatever this relationship was. This man who kissed you like his life depended on it, clearly capable of such extreme violence that would have kept him alive, but never once showing you that side of him. You can’t say it, not yet it’s too fast, but the panic you had felt at the prospect of losing him meant you knew exactly who he was to you. You could love Joel Miller, you wanted so desperately to love Joel Miller. You just prayed the world would give you enough time together to do it.

Joel Miller Taglist: @winwin70@jessie8605@trulybetty@amanitacowboy@morning-star-joy@tieronecrush@leeeesahhh@babeincolor@beee-haw@kirsteng42@mirandablue1@sixxslut@impala1967dwinchester@flash2412@gimmebackmysoul@kelp-dreaming@gracie7209@voteforpedro09@brittmb115@karokaroxx@amb11@heartfairy @grumpy-the-tired @Lillilotus @doctorstatic@morallyinept@southernbe@elissaa@pop-sugar102@u-luciferssatanicdaughter@alyhull@purplerain44@harryleatherfit@lovely-ateez@emilianamason @bootyliciousposts @lorilane33@casa-boiardi@cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @tightjeansjavi @cavillscurls @darkroastjoel @morning-star-joy

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thecameronchronicles · 1 year

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Between the Raindrops

TW: Angst. Smut. Enemies to lovers. Language. Degrading language. A bit of a slow burn.

SUMMARY: A fateful night changes your relationship with your least favorite pogue, indefinitely.

WORD COUNT: 3200

REQUESTED

Reader being kinda bratty so JJ doesn’t like her because he thinks she’s hot but too annoying until he sees her crying because of her boyfriend (maybe he cheated or was mean to her) so he comforts her until she’s stops crying and turns bratty again and JJ puts her in her place

Reader asking JJ to spend the night w her because it’s raining and it’s late but he doesn’t want to stay because he’s afraid of falling for a kook and he can’t trust her

Reader was JJs first kiss when they were younger they don’t have friends in common and don’t hang out at the same spots so they never really talked after the kiss until JJ sees readers boyfriend mistreat her and he stands up for her and takes her home and she invites him in

*I GOT ALL OF THESE WONDERFUL REQUEST AND DECIDED TO PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER, I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!*

Between the Raindrops

It was a secret nobody knew as it was best that way. The soft yet inexperienced lips had been well trained since then and you couldn't hide as your eyes zeroed in on them to test such a theory. Perhaps if not for the cruel arm at your wrist, you may have known since then. But with the title of "girlfriend" weighing heavy on your reputation as the perfect Kook you portrayed yourself to be, you couldn't deny the curiosities that looked just beyond your behaved existence. More specifically, how you craved to misbehave with a specific Pogue named JJ Maybank.

"Did he finally get tired of you complaining about how badly you want me?" JJ asked upon leaning over your shoulder at the annual bonfire as you took a moment to compose yourself. The only way to keep JJ at arm's length was to be cruel. Luckily, he made it easy to retort against him.

"Maybe how badly I want to be away from you..." You shot back as you scrunched your nose before turning back to your drink as you looked forward to the ocean. Completely unaware of how his eyes took you in from your ignorance. Every inch carved to perfection as far as he was concerned.

"Well tough luck, princess. It's so much more fun torturing you...I think it might just be my calling in life…"

"And you do it so well..."

"Maybe if you stop fighting your feelings and just give in to me, you wouldn't be so uptight...I could work all those little kinks-" He was close enough to feel the light mess of his hair to your cheek, your eyes fluttering at his closing proximity.

The thoughts that accumulated through a growth of maturity in the form of inappropriate conjurings were tempting to make a reality. He was close enough that you only had to turn and would no longer need to fantasize alone. And yet you were not alone that such an action would go by unnoticed.

The sudden slinking of an arm directing you away from JJ would be the silent saving grace you needed. Even if it would pull you into a more emotionally destructive situation.

It began as it always had with him nursing the bottle too heavily. The disposal of one would bring two others until he stumbled beyond the ability to stand up straight. This made you into the unintentional designated guardian to somehow who never seemed to know better.

"You're so pretty when you're quiet. You talk too much..." He said into your cheek as you tried to push him into the passenger side of the car, his body weight threatening to flatten you as he was nearly double your size. By some grace, you succeeded before his car stalled. No matter how many times you twisted the keys or hit against the steering wheel, it didn't seem to spark life into the failing engine.

"Need help, darling?" A teasing tone called from the side of your car as JJ happened to be present.

"I could fix it for you in no time..." You were desperate for the night to end for a multitude of reasons. For that, you would agree to his help, but damned to show the excitement his presence brought to your heart-and in the flutter between your thighs.

"You haven't let me touch you all night..." Your boyfriend reminded as his hands were quick between your thighs. Unbeknownst to you, JJ had been aware of the exchange, his hands turning to fists.

"Wanna pop the hood there, princess?" He reminded as you pushed away from the drunkard on your shoulder before realizing you never needed to.

JJ opened the door, slipped himself inside, before leaning close enough to be brazen and seduce you with a graze of his fingers once he set the hood to ascension and moved to work beneath the hood.

"You're my girlfriend..."

"You're drunk-" his hand forced yours to his pants, a half hard bulge making the moment anything but desirable.

"Fucking act like it…"

If not for the fact JJ was nearby, then for the fact your stomach twisted to the entire exchange. A common occurrence the longer you were with him. Always wanting someone else. Always wanting-

"JJ!" You gasped as he appeared at your side, your hand quickly moving back to your own lap.

And yet the analysis he gave you of the car had sounded synonymous to a new language, a few words recognized.

Engine. Had been the only one you could recall.

"I can give you a ride...but I'm not taking him..."

"I can't just leave him here..." To that, his phone illuminated.

"I'm waiting for you like you asked. But you already have my panties..." The photo of your best friend holding herself into the mirror you knew to wear a reflection of trying on Midsummers dresses the day before left your heart to twist. But not because of the loss of a truly heartless boyfriend, but for the embarrassment this would bring to you.

"Actually, yeah...I'd love a ride..."

"You're going with him? You can't leave me..."

"But Scarlett is waiting for you..." You shot back, throwing his phone back in his lap as he reached for you, toppling into the seat.

"You're nothing but a fucking tease-bitch!" He called out as his words were cold to your already fragile heart as you followed behind JJ. A borrowed truck acted as your carriage for the night as he left the beach.

"You're a guest, don't touch my stereo if you know what's good for ya, sweetheart..." He threatened as your eyes narrowed to the heavy music that left your head throbbing. But as you turned your gaze to the window, hiding the tears left by the heartache of the night, he would eventually turn the music down.

"You know...of all Kook Princesses you are the most...tolerable..." He explained with a grin reaching to showcase his dimples. Your eyes fell to his lips, tempting to reach across the car and connect them with your own.

"Scarlett isn't worth it..."

"You're only saying that because she rejected you..." You shot, hoping to keep him at arms length and away from acting on your desires. It seemed to work as he returned the music high and brought you home without another word.

By the time you made it into the driveway, the distance between the passenger door and your front door was scarcely visible from the new rain. A quick and heavy storm that rattled shutters and shook trees as you jumped to the lightning.

"You afraid of a little thunder or just realized the world doesn't revolve around you enough to keep you from getting wet?" He teased as your usual means of responding with sarcasm or aggravation faltered in contrast to your anxiety. You loathed the chaos of storms like this, knowing how cruel nature could be as it took everything in its path.

"Can you come in?" His eyes widened in shock.

"Just until the storm stops?"

Another rumble of thunder after a lengthy pause made you gasp.

"You don't even have to talk to me or anything..."

"A promise that you'll be quiet? How can I resist?" Before you could retract, he was on his feet and moving to your side of the car. You fumbled to retrieve your keys as you wanted to be prepared, moving past his chivalry and into the house with only a few drops dampening you.

"You truly are a princess..." He explained while looking at your photographs of former pageants.

"First place? Must not have been a beauty pageant then..." You tried to ignore him but the storm continued outside.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched you journey to the bathroom.

"Showering..."

"You can't...you could get electrocuted..."

"I've done it before."

"Might explain why you're a few brain cells shy-" your eyes narrowed to him.

"What the hell is your problem, JJ? What have I ever done to you?"

"Since you're a Kook I would say, well, existing..."

"And you think being a pogue makes you superior?"

"I think I know what it's like to work for something."

"Stealing isn't working."

"I've never stolen anything on the Northside...I work honestly..."

"Then why do you keep getting fired?" You managed to silence him. The victory in this leading your arms to cross at your chest.

"Run out of lies?" He was turned slightly away from you, seemingly running on low steam as he turned to face you. But he didn't stop as he directed his focus to you. He kept moving at you until you were pinned at the wall. His hand at your shorts and beneath the brass button with his fingers at your clothed clit, set almost as a threat.

"Ah..." You gasped.

"You stopped going there. You stopped doing brunch at The Island Inn so I got fired. You stopped playing golf so I stopped being a caddy. Because I want to have to look at me..." He brought your hand to his seam just as your boyfriend had done. Only when you felt him, you were electrified with what that present swelling could offer you. Whereas you were borderline disgusted when thinking of anyone else but him.

"I know you know what to do, don't be a fucking tease." He used your boyfriend's words against you as it made you motivated to prove him wrong. It was irritating and endorsing in unison as you began to stroke him over his trunks.

"No. With what I've had to put up with...I deserve you on your fucking knees...." A grip to your hair and you were guided downwards.

"All those remarks from that smart little mouth...now you're gonna make it up to me by letting me fuck it..." But he then moved away at the moment your hands rose to his hips. You couldn't explain the magnetism to him. There were plenty of handsome guys in the Outer Banks. And yet, there was only one who brought you to your knees. Only one you wanted to be on your knees for.

"Crawl, princess. Queens stand and you're too much of a fucking brat for a title like that..." You had watched him sit on the couch directly across from where he left you. And even as he looked at you with such arrogance, you were eager to please him. To prove him wrong.

"Slowly. You need to earn this cock after all you've put it through wearing all those goddamn bikinis..." He cocked his jaw.

"Matter of fact...strip. I want you to do it in only your bikini." You rose up to your knees and reached for your crocheted top.

"Slowly!" He threatened as you ignored him before throwing the fabric at him.

"I said slow-"

"Then do it yourself." When he sat forward, you moved to your shorts, tracing your fingers down your torso and lower still.

"You don't touch anything I've made wet."

"No?" You slipped your fingers into your bikini bottoms, the jean fabric of the shirts now low enough to where he could see every move you made behind the elastic of the suit.

"Fuck..." He spoke softly to himself.

"Come here..." He managed to speak behind his clenched teeth as you offered only a weak smirk.

"Not sure I need you, JJ. I could come right here...with you watching me...wanting me...Just out of reach…"

"You don't get to come unless I say..."

"Why should I listen to you? Think because you kissed me once that you deserve it?" He was moving quickly towards you, pulling you to your feet and pushing you onto the couch, before ultimately bending over you with an intimidating pin.

"Because nobody is ever going to make you come like I could-"

"You seem pretty confident for someone you didn't even know how to kiss..."

He scoffed. "That's because I was kissing the wrong set of lips to make you behave." He was between your legs before you could respond, your suit simply pulled to the side as his tongue ravaged you. Your fingers twisted his already messy locks into further disarray as he rose between breaths.

"Dirty fucking princess..." He spoke beneath sultry eyes that rose long enough to watch your mouth part in disbelief.

"Need someone to shut you up for once..."

"You-" He set two fingers to plummet inside of you, your words ceased as he pumped just long enough to saturate his digits. Once they were to his linking, he brought them into your mouth.

"If you didn't taste so sweet, you'd be over that arm with an ass redder than your cheeks right now..." He offered a single slow lick, looking at you from beneath his lashes.

"Pathetic." He spit between your lower lips, making your eyes roll as he set to his own pace. He tietired you as you weren't able to find solace in any context. As he neared you to that edge, you were pulled back just as quickly.

"JJ!" You whimpered as he took hold of your hair, dripping over your soaked sex as the sight only worsened your pulsations.

"You're gonna work for something for once in your life." To this, he spit on your clit, making slow circles.

"That's just to hear you whine a bit more for me." Your eyes fluttered closed before being forced open as he pulled you to the edge of the couch.

"Apparently you didn't hear me." He dropped his trunks and allowed his cock to spring free.

"Work. For. It." He ordered cruelly, eyes blown with lust as you took your hand around his base.

"I made it good for you, you better return the favor and be selfless for once in your goddamn life..." You spit towards your hand to make it pleasurable for him before he worsened the tension within your hair.

"Gonna teach that dirty little mouth a lesson." He forced himself into the back of your throat with little warning. Your eyes instant to water, but your body seemingly made for this torture.

"Look at me." He ordered as you obliged.

"You wanna come tonight, you say you're fucking sorry for being such a little brat or I'll come down this tight little throat without feeling bad about it for even a second."

He lowered.

"And before you think that's the easiest option, you've built me up quite a lot, you'd almost drown with how hard I'd come..." Your eyes rolled for only a second before you appeased him. Your throat opened to his disposal as he took full advantage.

"You sore already?" You shook your head.

"You will be...so...fucking...sore..." His head fell back as every single one of his muscles tensed. He may have impressive stamina and yet his patience was dwindling. The definition of such evidence worn on his weathered breathing patterns.

"Get on top of me." You only took him faster, forcing him to the very ridge of your throat as he dripped down the curve.

"Fuck!" He belted before forcing you over him. But in the straddle he made of your body, he only held you in place, hands behind your back with his dominant hold as the other focused in your hair.

"You're gonna keep quiet for once in your life and ride me like I know you've wanted to...and maybe I'll let you come..."

You only moaned as you were sunk into him, swallowing his abundant shaft with your sex as he responded in approval.

"I'm not doing the work. If you wanna come...you're gonna earn it." He informed you as you made yourself work for the challenge. His body rammed into the couch as his fingers sunk into your hips while you controlled the pace. Yet it lasted only a fraction to what you believed it would.

"You don't deserve the control..." He bent you over the arm of the couch, one leg bent over his arm, as he plowed into you this way. The only means you had to keep from cascading over the ledge had been that of his grip to your hair. The pain silent to the pleasure he offered you.

A bruising grip guiding you to his will as the only intelligible sound was that of skin to skin. Sweat offering the slick of quick motions until he was near his edge.

"You don't come until you apologize."

"JJ-" The hand moved from your hair to your breast, pulling your suit free.

"Better hurry. If I come before you do, I stop. Isn't it worth it for an apology?" He moved his lips to your ear.

"Nobody even has to know..." But as you tried to offer this to him, be moved harder. Deeper. Faster. All until you shook in his arms.

"Too good, baby? Hmm? Can't even say two little words?" He turned you to face him.

"I'm..." He teased, guiding you.

"Sorry! I'm fucking sorry-"

"Good girl. Now show me." He was a restless spirit at your back, demonic and angelic to each battering as you unleashed twice over as he found his initial coming. Your name the final sound to the end grip made as he coated you from within. His cock trailing the mutual cum down your thighs.

"Storms over, princess."

"Stay..." You were soft, holding yourself into an embrace only his touch would comfort.

He hesitated, unsure of how this would end if he would. But the plea in your eyes sent him back towards you.

"Only until you sleep..." He pulled his shorts back over his hips while remaining on the couch, making awkward movements as you brought his face to you.

"Then don't let me sleep. I don't want you to leave..." This kiss was softer. Passionate. Real. Better than the first a decade prior, but without the cover of curiosity. It was a point of no return between you and JJ, a point that should never have existed, but one you both dove over together.

Repeatedly....

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @drewspisces @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @jjmaybanksangel @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916 @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

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#jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank smut #outer banks #outer banks smut #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks jj #obx #obx smut #obx fanfiction #outerbanks #outerbanks fanfiction #rudy pankow

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emerald-truth · 9 months

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Yesterday I watched Data's Day and it made me cry and I need to talk about it.

First of all I love that it was lowkey a slice of life episode? Like Data is just describing his normal day and some crazy stuff happens as usual on the Enterprise but it's also just like. The crew hanging out. I especially love his conversation with Worf about what wedding present to buy because it's just so normal? Everyday? And just seeing his casual friendships with everyone? And they all love each other? I love the whole tng crew so much.

Anyway, what made me really emotional was how much I related to Data as an autistic person and I know people talk about this all the time but I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR MYSELF.

Right in the beginning of the episode he talks about how he used to have trouble maintaining friendships but now that he's become better at predicting other people's emotions he's become able to form friendships. And just. The whole ordeal of having to take years and years to LEARN TO MAKE FRIENDS when it seems to come so naturally to everyone else, when it seems like something that should just be easy. Yeah. But then also the absolute joy when you succeed! When you think ah yes I've finally learned to understand others enough, to do the correct analyses, to make the correct predictions, I can finally make friends! And Data is so pleased with himself just like I have been the past couple years. And the thing is! He makes mistakes still in predicting emotions! But his friends forgive him and help him understand! And it's just so??? Oh my god the happiness that comes with being accepted despite your flaws, despite who you are and what you can't change about yourself. With being reminded that you still deserve friendship and a special place in people's lives even when you make mistakes. Because even though he upsets Keiko by trying to change her mind about the wedding she forgives him and still lets him act as "the father of the bride" because she still loves him! Everyone does! Because he's so sincere! Oh my god I love Data so much-

But the thing that made me cry was one little moment when they suddenly redirect their course towards the neutral zone and Data says it's a good thing his duties can't be interrupted by emotions such as the uneasiness he might feel about such a change to the course. While clearly exhibiting signs of being nervous like tapping his fingers and glancing behind himself at the drivers. And this is something about my experience of autism that I hardly ever see in fiction. Not only do I have trouble understanding the feelings of others, I have trouble identifying MY OWN FEELINGS. I have low body awareness so instead of feeling emotions in my body I have to engage with them intellectually which means I often can't tell that I'm experiencing an emotion even when people around me can. I saw another post a month or so ago talking about how Data probably has similar troubles because his emotions don't manifest physically the way they do for humans. And just. I've spent so long feeling like and being accused of being an unemotional person because I don't feel my emotions the way other people do, so to see this implication that Data DOES have emotions even when he himself doesn't always notice them is so lovely. Just because he or I don't always feel emotions physically, and must understand them intellectually, doesn't mean we are uncaring. It just means so much to see a character who thinks of himself as emotionless be portrayed as so gentle, kind, and loved.

And then the end of the episode- Data says he believes humanity is not an inherent quality but a way of thinking and something he can achieve. And that's so reassuring. Even if I'm not human now, maybe someday I will be. And even if I'm not human, even if I'm never human, I can still be good, I can still feel, I can still make friends, I can still be like Data.

#data soong #star trek #star trek tng

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lieutenant-teach · 1 month

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Wandering around the galaxy, ex-Commander Cody and little Din Djarin meet an unexpected adversary, and Cody learns about a new burden he acquired unknowingly. 2/3 part (1 part), (part 3).

Cody enjoyed the planet Trask - being away from the Core Worlds, it remained unscathed by the Clone Wars; being small, not densely populated and lacking valuable resources, it wasn’t occupied by the Empire that aimed at most important and valuable planets and systems. No matter how much Cody disliked the Outer Rim for its mostly criminal population and their shady occupations, now he was glad to catch some breath in there.

Especially while he had a kid on his hands.

Din turned out to be a not very problematic child, though quite different from the cadets on Kamino. Not physically trained, which is a huge minus when you’re on the run. But, like a cadet, he didn’t complain about lack of comfort and stability in such life, though Cody tried his best to provide him with food better than rations. Regrettably, it required more sallies on the surfaces of various planets, thus it was more dangerous for both of them. Cody shuddered from a mere thought what the Empire would do if they were caught.

Apart from physical comfort, Cody attempted to give at least a little bit of emotional comfort to the kid. At times Din woke up crying, and Cody held him until the boy fell asleep again, exhausting himself from tears. At these moments Cody felt like breaking apart a bit every time, pressing Din to the chest, listening to his occasional whimpering in his sleep. The kid deserved a normal life, not all of this disaster happening to the Galaxy.

He felt both proud at a little brave cadet and bitter at a child forced to grow up too quickly when Din asked to teach him shooting.

They’d spent several days in the town in some kind of a ratty tavern, avoiding unnecessary questions and suspicions, as they easily passed for a father and a son due to similar complexion and hair and eye colour. Cody worried that he would be recognized for his distinct face, but not yet – the locals had never acquainted a Jango Fett clone before, and all the Republican propaganda portrayed troopers only in full armour, a very clever way to erase personalities. Though he continued to pull down the hood when walking the streets – just in case.

When one day they met someone from Cody’s past. Or, more precisely, from Kenobi’s past.

Cody felt someone was watching them. So did Din – the boy was glancing around nervously and squeezing Cody’s hand tighter. Cody lowered another hand near the blaster; if the follower was daring enough, they’d shoot right in the centre of the market brimming with unsuspecting citizens. And then he recognized a face in the crowd, watching him like a hawk. He raised an eyebrow, the person nodded to the street corner nearby, inviting for a talk.

– Where did you take the kid? – she attacked him with a low voice as soon as they turned the angle. Din hid behind Cody at the harshness.

– Hello there, Duchess Kryze, - Cody answered curtly. – I deserted.

– And still wearing their armour? – her hand was hovering over her own blaster, her posture tense as a nexu ready to strike.

– Better something than nothing, - he shrugged. – Why are you here? – He thought with regret that they’d have to leave the planet – if he met Bo-Katan Kryze, an heiress of Mandalore, who knows who else might hang around there.

– Why should I believe you? – she gripped her blaster, ignoring his query. – Who’s to say you don’t want to… - her eyes widened, she even took a step back. – How did you get it?!

– What? – Cody was taken aback, then he moved his free hand that wasn’t covering Din to the hilt of a saber on his belt.

– The Darksaber. How did you get it? – she hissed, her face twisting with anger.

Losing the blaster while fighting off the pirates intending to ransack your ship and sell the kid you take care of into slavery wasn’t fortunate. There were just too many for one man, as tough as Cody was – if not for Din’s shout ‘Cody! There!’ and him throwing something he dug seconds before from the mud. First Cody thought it was some dagger, but when the air hissed and enlightened with a brilliant black blade shining white on the razor-sharp edges and producing threatening buzz – he realized it was something different. Lucky him, he still remembered several lightsaber-wielding lessons General Kenobi gave him back during the war.

The saber was heavier than the General’s, almost non-cooperative, his first swings were clumsy and messy. But Cody knew he had to protect the kid, and with each movement the blade became lighter and lighter.

Still, Cody preferred non-Jedi weapons. So after fighting he disengaged it and clipped to a familiar spot on his belt – again, just in case of an attack. There weren’t many helpful blades conveniently lying around and waiting to be picked up during a skirmish, after all.

– Found it, - he shrugged again, playing nonchalant, mentally working out the ways of retreating.

Bo-Katan squeezed the fists, she was burning with barely controlled rage, though Cody couldn’t understand the reason. He remembered vaguely it was some Mandalorian weapon of historical significance – maybe, that was why she was so unhappy? She wanted a part of her culture back.

– You have no claim to this sword! – Bo-Katan raised her voice, then caught herself at a possibility of attracting unwanted attention of the passers-by and continued a bit softer: - This is a Mandalorian weapon, not designed for such like you! You have no right to wield it!

– I don’t have any ‘claim’, and you’re scaring the kid, - Cody intoned his ‘commander’ voice that some especially impressionable troopers called ‘regal’. Din mumbled ‘I’m not scared’ from behind his back and stepped a bit forward as if ready to confront Bo-Katan by himself. She threw a dirty look at the boy and turned her attention to Cody again, looking at him with thinned lips and narrowed eyes.

– According to an old Mandalorian tradition, whoever wields the Darksaber has the claim to the Mandalorian throne. But only in case of an honest fight.

– Duchess, I never intended to get involved in Mandalorian politics, - Cody felt an unpleasant feeling that despite his wishes he was getting tangled into something quite unsavory. – You can take the saber and overthrow your Governor Saxon or whatever, I’m not a part of it. – He knew this woman wasn’t sharing the peaceful policy of her sister, but frankly (and quite meanly) Cody didn’t give a flying kark about Mandalore. He knew these people had always had civil wars now and then ignited by their biggest ruling clans, and it couldn’t be worse than the Imperial occupation now. He even felt pity for Mandalorian citizens if all they wanted was to live in peace. Although, New Mandalorians were a very fresh change as per info he read, but the peace historically never lasted long on Mandalore.

But also there was one thing that turned almost all the clone troopers off while mentioning Mandalorians.

– I cannot just ‘take it’, - Bo-Katan spat and raised her chin proudly. – A true Mand’Alor must win it in a battle. Fairly speaking, I even feel insulted challenging such a disgrace to a Mandalorian. Dar’manda.

– Disgrace? – For one small second Cody’s stomach fell of rising fury born out of utter hypocrisy of this woman who had her opinions shared by all her compatriots. He didn’t even notice Din flinching as his voice dropped so low it was freezing cold as Hoth. – Did I ask to be created like this? Did any of us have any say in it? You dare to call me ‘soulless’ – where were you? – He stepped forward almost menacingly. – Where were you all, when millions of Mandalorian clones were being created and used in a war and discarded when ‘defective’, used as chipped puppets to kill the Jedi, who actually cared about us? So noble, so proud, so honorable Mandalorians – did you care about us? We, born Mandalorian, were never ever considered by all of you even as sentients, much less a part of you. We protected you – and you call me ‘disgrace’? Just because we were unfortunate enough to have some Mandalorian as our donor?

Bo-Katan clearly never expected such harshness and such words, moreover, it never ever crossed her mind – she even backed a bit, looking at Cody with surprise.

– You say this sword makes me your king? – Cody grabbed it from his belt and squeezed in his hand. – Who would even want to be your king? A people, who cannot live peacefully even on their own planet! Tearing themselves apart time and time again because of what – difference in traditions? At least we had a community – we, ‘disgraces’, as you love to call us.

Bo-Katan blinked, as if really seeing Cody for the first time. Cody exhaled sharply, only now realizing he was shaking with helpless rage – of unfairness, of disgust, of all this pain never noticed by the Republic. He steadied himself, composing his expression again. Glanced at Din, who was looking at him with a weird mixture of compassion, fear and determination.

– Take the sword, Lady Kryze, - Cody held out the hilt. – I reclaim my responsibilities that I obtained unknowingly.

– I cannot, - she didn’t hold out her own hand. – Challenge is obligatory.

– Then let the Empire and its minions continue ruining your people. Whatever, Duchess, - he threw the Darksaber into the mud to her feet. – I’ve said my piece.

#star wars #din djarin #commander cody #fanfiction #my fic #fanfic #cody and din #bo katan kryze #mandalorian culture #mandalorians critical #anti mandoclones #clones #clone troopers

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cat3ch1sm · 6 months

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HI EVE

So umm I wanna start writing hxh stuff but I'm scared it'll be really ooc :(( I watched the whole anime, restarting it and I'm reading the Manga too so I know the personalities of the characters well but I'm still not confident I can portray it right... it would be super embarrassing if I post my first story/ headcanon and the comments i get are "they wouldnt say that" "they wouldnt do that" "that wouldnt happen" 😭the way you write characters sound so like them and I rlly wanna make hcs and stories like you so pls spill your secrets 🙏🙏 if it helps, the characters I think I'll be most writing for are the main 4, kalluto and alluka (they're so underrated!!) mb hisoka andddd silva & kikyo? (I kinda wanna make some cute scenarios w them like they go on a date or smthing 🥺 idk why) but ofc, I would love to learn how to write for the majority of the hxh characters. But ummm it's okay if u don't have any advice, I'll just cry infront of my blank Google docs page 😔😔 (I'm jk, have a good day!!)

🐢~ OMG HI IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I FEEL AWFUL :(( @xl3vviii i love uu thanks for your request and patience 💚💚 i will try my best to explain my process in a general way so it’s easy to write for any character you’d like! i really hope this helps you<333

🍀~ and i totally feel you on the not wanting mean comments thing😭😭 broo ive been fortunate enough to not really receive those kind of comments but i did once and WOW was i embarrassed and changed it immediately😭😭 and the crying in front of a blank google doc page?? you are so real for that 😭😭😭

🌲~ another note to my followers in general: i want to sincerely apologize for my absence. my devices i usually post on all decided to conveniently stop working so that really sucked but my phone is back again!! im really grateful for you all and your patience, and i want to thank you guys so much for 3.5k! i have no intentions of leaving and i hope i can write lots more for you guys. hopefully i don’t ever need to be gone that long again! i love u all so muchh and thank you a million times 💚💚

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

a/n~ so sorry if this sucks cause ive never given a tutorial for my writing but i will DO MY BEST

so you said you wanted to write cute scenarios of dates for the hxh main four+ hisoka, silva , and kikyo! first thing i usually consider when i get requests especially, or just when i have an idea, is: would this character even do this? like if someone asks me, “hey, can you write headcanons for illumi zoldyck with a soft/sweet/kind s/o?” that would be possible (though maybe a little far-fetched canonically). it’s fine to stretch those boundaries a bit for fanfiction, i think. but if that request had instead been like “can you write reader x soft/sweet/kind illumi?” that would’ve been a hard no. don’t alter characters’ natural personalities because then it’s not the same character. what sometimes helps me is, especially if i haven’t watched or read any media of the character im writing for in a while, is looking up the character’s wiki on the FANDOM site and reading through their personality traits as well as their key moments because it helps me to determine what the character would do in the story and how they might react to some things. feel free to also go back and look at clips of the anime or pages of the manga; i find it helps as well!

so for what you want to write specifically, cute dating scenarios, i think that most of the characters you’ve chosen are a good fit. the main four are good for a prompt like that, and the zoldyck children you’ve chosen can be fitting as well. but as for hisoka, kikyo, and silva, that kind of prompt might not fit so well because obviously these characters can’t be seen as sweet or kind or loving. has hisoka ever expressed any interest in wooing someone properly or is he someone who operates on lust? did kikyo and silva court each other and go on little dates or was their marriage probably arranged/forced/only useful for selfish purposes? do their personalities even allow for sentiments like dates? would they even consider that? before writing something ask yourself if you can really see the character doing that clearly in your mind.

i think it’s a great thing that you’ve watched and read the respective canon content of your characters, and it’s good to refer to it if you ever find yourself struggling to characterize someone accurately. however, it is fanfiction, so don’t feel like you need to be super rigid. write whatever you’d like, honestly. but here’s a really common thing i notice when people write fanfiction: they take one aspect of the character and run the shit into the ground. a prime example of this is hobie brown from across the spiderverse and his “i don’t believe in consistency” line. like Jesus Christ. well-written fictional characters, like the ones of hxh, are often as versatile as real people are. make sure the character doesn’t feel like some one-dimensional version of themselves, and please don’t write for the character only based on one aspect of their personality. for example, hisoka is rather unpredictable, so that’s something you’d probably want to incorporate into writings for him. but for characters like most of the zoldycks, you’re going to want to tread a little lighter since they aren’t the main characters and thus we don’t see a whole lot of them. in situations like this, you might have to focus on just what you can see of them. so again, just ask yourself if you can see the character really doing what you’re writing them to do. would they act that way in an actual episode of the anime or volume of the manga? if you’re unsure or the answer is no, try going a different route.

it is also okay to make mistakes. practicing a lot will eventually get you to where you want to be. i still find myself slipping up in my writings and getting carried away (so read over your writings before you publish them)!! my dms are open if you ever would like me personally to review a piece and offer maybe more specific advice!

i hope this helped you, dear💚 again feel free to dm me if you have any more questions. thank you for your support 💚

#cat3ch1sm #anime #hxh headcanons #hxh memes #hunter x hunter #hisoka x reader #illumi x reader #killua x reader #gon freecss headcanons #illumi hxh #gon hxh #killua hxh #writing tips #writers on tumblr #x reader #hxh x reader

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moaserendipity · 2 years

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My Top 10 BL's of 2022

I am Back with my BL drama top 10, I might’ve been quiet but I have been actively watching BL dramas. Remember this is my opinion and you might not agree with it but I made up my mind and these are my top-tier BL’s of 2022😎❤️‍🔥

10. Cherry Blossoms after winter 7,8/10

This heartwarming BL was something that I needed when I watched it. I wished it was again longer though because it just didn't feel finished yet and was sometimes a bit rushed. Like I would love to see more about them as high schoolers, especially with that bully storyline, and then the College part was also short or the acceptance of his mom, that could've gone better I feel. But other than that I loved the chemistry between our main leads. The tension was there every time, so that was a big plus, and just their whole relationship, it made me feel warm.

09. To My star 2 8/10

We all know what I am going to say...Again way too short, also I was super confused when I started watching. The sudden jump in time and then back. I was so confused and heartbroken as well. Thankfully everything got clear throughout the other episodes but yeah. This BL definitely did not disappoint as sequel and I can't thank them enough for making it because I feel like we finally got real closure and to see them, in the end, being happy together made me feel so warm and for a change, I didn't feel sad when it ended because they were happy and I felt that happiness. These two actors are definitely amazing together.

08. Cutie Pie 8,5/10

I wanted to watch this because of Zee and mainly for Zee but when the first episode aired I was hooked. I love Nunew and his chemistry with Zee but not only them, also the friends were amazing. I fell for Syn & Nuer even though I disliked Nuer at first because he was after Kuea but that changed when his attention went to Syn, and from that moment they had my heart. Of course, we can't forget about Nat and Max who are playing Yi and Khondiao because they were brilliant as well. Now I have to admit that I probably said every single episode that I was in love with Zee, which isn't a lie because this man can act, the way Lian looks at Kuea, I think I drowned every single time. The reason I give this an 8,5 is simply because of miscommunication, also the sudden change from hate to love was like huh? like why you tell him you don't love him but the next day you suddenly do. The purposely hurting your lover just because you want to see who he really is? yeah, it didn't sit well with me but that being said it's still a good BL for sure!!

07. Love Mechanics 8,9/10

The BL that I have been waiting for, for what is it 2 years!! Did I maybe overhype it in my head, yes I did. Now I have to say that I think what they did was brilliant because the NC scene in the first episode wasn't forced anymore, because both were under influence, still not completely okay but it's better than before.. I love Yinwar because their chemistry has always been on point but with this 2-year gap it's nice to see how much they grew and the acting was so much better. Now what I didn't like and this is kind of a pet peeve of mine with BL's is the lack of communication and with this BL that was definitely the case, no one wanted to listen to one and another, which left to heartache which wasn't necessary at all and also the Yeehwa involvement which often led to the misunderstandings, was annoying to me but other than that I loved Yinwar portraying Vee and Mark because together they were brilliant.

06. My Only 12% 9,1/10

When I started watching this, I knew I was set up to cry a lot and that was not a lie the first few episodes, I cried a lot. I really have to give it to Earth & Santa because I was completely invested in their relationship. Earth is really a brilliant actor and knows how to make you cry your eyes out! I think the sudden change in character was brilliantly done. the way the roles were reversed in which Cake was now the one that got treated how he treated Eiw first. I loved that a lot. I think Santa was brilliant in expressing the jealousy he felt as Cake for Eiw and I do think it's good that he actually spoke his mind, even though it hurt Eiw. I love how Cake is there for Eiw even in the most difficult part of life. I just loved it. I just really think this was a seriously good BL.

05. The Eclipse 9.3/10

The Eclipse, another GMMTV BL, which is brilliant. Now I only knew Khaotung as a light-hearted goofy character so I was pleasantly surprised to see him being this badass guy who isn't afraid to stand his ground and then he was paired up with First, who played the brainwashed perfect. This is amazing and I love how they change when they are together. Now I must admit that I am not crazy about their school being this crazy ass cult, I just hate Cults and everything surrounding it, it's creepy to me but other than that this is an amazing BL. I love seeing people fight for what they believe in and their rights, and I am totally on board with it. I also have to praise Neo for his character in this BL, I LOVE seeing him play a serious character, it just suits him so so much better and I love that he is paired up with Louis, they have such great chemistry! I do hope we get more projects with Khaotung and First because they are perfect together.

04. Not Me - 9,5/10

Not me was a surprise to me because I had kind of forgotten about it until I suddenly saw the trailer popping up again. I loved this cast and especially, Offgun & First, Fluke, they really were outstanding. The rest of the cast of course! I love how Off finally played a serious character instead of the goofy player kind of person because he can pull it off so well. I was very impressed with every episode. Gun also was outstanding as Black & White, I love it when he plays characters like this, it really suits him, and also he was playing a twin. Then we have the side couple Fluke and First, they were brilliant, I felt their emotions through every scene and when that scene with Yok in the hospital happened I was a sobbing mess. The reason I gave this a 9.5 is that I already knew who put Black in the hospital and also I felt somewhat disappointed with Grams character, I was so convinced that he was in love with Black but then he suddenly wasn't but other than that this was brilliant and refreshing!

03. Semantic Error 9.7/10

Semantic Error, what a fantastic Korean BL this was. I was hooked from the start and loved the dynamics between the two main leads Park Seoham(Jaeyoung) & Park Jaechan(Sangwoo). I cannot express my love for this drama enough. I was obsessed with it and it's now one of my comfort BL's. I love how Sangwoo's hate changed into Love. It was definitely a battle within himself and the way Jaeyoung stayed patient with him, was just amazing. The reason why it has a 9.5 rating is that for me it was too short but this is always the case with Korean BL's, I do have to admit that I was already happy that the episodes were a bit longer this time around but yeah other than that it was a perfect warm BL.

02. KinnPorsche La Forte - 9,9/10

This Bl was THE BL that I had been waiting for, for over a year if not more and it did NOT disappoint. It took me on a real rollercoaster of emotions. I went in for KinnPorsche and I enjoyed them a lot. I laughed a lot because they might have the worst bodyguards, but who cares. The chemistry between Apo and Mile was amazing and I couldn't help but feel flustered at times....like that scene in the bathroom..but yeah they were amazing. I also fell for KimChay. These two cuties, one that loves too much and one who didn't know how to accept that love, very Taylor swift if you ask me but I loved every second of it and I really hope they will give them their own side story! Now Tankhun..This man was brilliant, I never laughed this hard while watching a BL, I applaud Tong for his brilliant acting! Now the couple that took over this BL and that was VegasPete. The way I fell for them was no joke. I was obsessed and still am. The angst between them and the way they fell for each other and then that scene where Vegas got shot. Everything was perfect. Now you are wondering why 9.9. I think they started too late with VegasPete's story and I want more of KimChay!

01. Love In The Air - 10/10

Love in the Air was THE surprise of this year, at least for me. I didn't know much about this BL until I randomly came across it a few weeks before it would air BUT boy did it leave an impression. BossNoeul & FortPeak did terrific jobs, especially since they are new actors. I have never seen a BL Drama where there was so much love and communication. PayuRain didn't really have a plot but this was not something that I missed because I thought their love story was wholesome. everything was perfect. Their Chemistry was top notch and I just loved everything about them! FortPeak also was amazing. The way Peak portrayed Sky was brilliant; you could feel his pain and how Fort showed how Prapai changed for Sky was amazing. The pain Sky had been through and for Pai to be the one that opened his heart again and even saved him, I have been in awe and pain and in love the entire time while watching this BL, so I think it's fair enough that this BL is at the top of my list for 2022. In my eyes, this was the best one!

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acourtofserpents · 4 months

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Rambling ahead about Humans and Fae and their nature, please be warned it's messy and very pure stream of consciousness-y.

It's interesting that for Fae, humans are fleeting fancies with short lives but... humans are the same for each other too.

Like, as a species, we are obsessed with liminal spaces, of lines that cross once and never again, we are always aware of our mortality, we have deities and religions and intellectual movements dedicated to the concept of time and crossroads and liminality and meaning of life, we build, destroy and rebuild border and kingdoms and countries and inventions, we invented obsolescence, we have fleeting fancies, we have crushes, we marry, divorce, remarry, we can disappear from a previous life and go start a new one elsewhere, we have relationships that always hang in the middle...

Humans are more like Fae than they would think. Yet in a way, I find the former more resilient and unique.

If anything, Caerus is the living proof of how FRAGILE the Fae is. He gets dumped and he immediately loses all sight of logic and morality, succumbing completely to his emotions. He attempts to justify this moment of weakness with tradition and nature, but who is he trying to fool. Even to this day, he is stuck in that moment, he cannot let go of the "betrayal".

When you can compare him to MC's mother who saw how she was being treated and said, no, I refuse. I will not stay where I am mistreated despite all my efforts. And she escapes. She sees nothing wrong with that— she knows love existed but it's not enough, it's not worth the withering of her soul. She rebuilds her life. She finds love again. She forms a family. She finds happiness and meaning to her life. She is no longer consumed by the thoughts of Caerus. He was a moment in her life— lovely and horrible, and it passed.

Of course, humans commit atrocities at the event of a broken heart too, but such things are rare in the grand scheme of everything, and they require certain defects to pre-exist to come to where they are in the first place. When our heart is broken, we cry, rage, wallow... then we get up because "more fish in the sea!" We get support by friends and family, we have books for comfort and understanding— every moment of the human life is liminal.

In a way, I can understand why the Fae are so fascinated and disgusted by the Humans— because they have all that magic and long agespan and riches beyond belief, but humans don't, yet they drive far richer and more colorful lives than they do. Humans find meaning in everything they look and dissect, they get knocked down and they get up, they leave marks with or without meaning to, they can forget and move on. They can heal.

I dunno, man. Human vs Fae in fiction is fascinating to think when you (as in, general, not specifically you the writer) constantly portray the Fae as hedonistic creatures bound to their nature and rules and consumed by moments past, and that's what Humans not only are not, but actively rebel against such bonds, even if we know we might not be there to enjoy the fruits of our labour, but at least the ones after us will.

“He was a moment in her life— lovely and horrible, and it passed.”

#i will never recover from this #i want to tattoo this on my forehead #what a beautiful and interesting way to think about it!!!!#and i definitely agree!!!#you put it so beautifully #no because i can tell you’re rlly smart just by this analysis alone #thank you so much for sharing with us!!!#please let me pick your brain #what #who said that #not me #thank you for the ask <3 #asks #a court of serpents #acos #venus rambles

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moonstarlupinsworld · 25 days

Text

For her and the world [PT. 2]

Ms. Weems X Wednesday X Reader

(Platonic relationship)

TW: Aftermath of poisoning, mentions of death, hospital, past trauma.

A/N: Can you believe it took me over a year to realize that meant "author notes? And I'm in Ravenclaw, imagine that! Anyway, I just want to say I've been working on this for a while but didn't know the right way to portray what I wanted, that's why it took so long, but it's finally here.

Summary: It’s been almost two days since Ms. Thornhill decided to attack. Nevermore was a mess, but the students stopped the fire before things got even worse. But Ms. Weems can’t feel that calmness, not with you still unconscious at the hospital, trying your best to stay alive.

Whoever said that dying was a painless process clearly has lied. The excruciating pain and the burning sensation of your lungs not getting enough air accompanied you as your brain finally detached from anything that could connect it to consciousness. You’ve often tried to imagine this exact moment, especially when you lay in bed, motionless and simply thinking about existence. In your altered mind you thought it was quick, and that as soon as you closed your eyes you entered whatever the afterlife was like.

The reality was you entered some sort of dream. A dream about your life… At least that part was right, your brain decided to show you all the good moments before shutting down forever.

It didn’t take much for the first memory to enter, and it wasn't a good one. You were around five, sitting on the floor with your toys all around your bedroom. Everything was quiet, the cassette mom had left for you still playing in the background.

“Everything you care about will burn to the ground!” you heard someone say in the office, “and in the process, everyone you love will be lost too.”

It sounded like… No, he couldn’t be here, not after saying all those mean things to mom. So you ignored it, trying to find the doll you’d left somewhere so she could sit on the wooden train.

The door barged open, and there he was. His pupils were dilated, and he was sweating, barely blinking like a deer caught in the headlight, he almost looked like a maniac. Before you could react, he rushed to you and grabbed you by the arm in a rough movement, forcing you to stand up. You started crying as he frantically packed many toys in a bag, moving around and grabbing random clothes from your closet, dragging you around.

“We’ll go… safe, I’ll keep you safe”, he whispered, “your mom thinks this school is everything… She didn’t even want you in the first place… I locked her in the office, just to have more time”.

You tried to scream, kick, get out of his forceful grip around your wrist, but you couldn’t. What was he doing to you? He promised never to use his powers on you, he pinky swore.

It was even more stressful to re-watch it from the outside, knowing that you couldn’t help that little kid in front of you.

Thankfully, Larissa had managed to break the door lock, and was quick to use her high heel to knock him out, a clean hit to the head was enough.

“My sweet little child” she whispered, carrying you in her arms, trying to ease your shaky state “There, there… Mom’s here, darling… No one shall harm you again.”

Ever since then, you used that bedroom as an office for any teacher who might need it. You were moved to one of the other three rooms in the small apartment hidden behind her office. And your bedroom was just a playroom now since you hated sleeping on your own again.

After that, all the memories went by quickly. You were around six when they found you covered in Larissa’s makeup, marker doodles all around your clothes, and your hairstyle with new bangs (made by yourself). You saw yourself with mom at her important meetings, taking notes in your notebook with colored pens. Dancing with her cassettes and different vinyls late at night, singing along. Cooking your favorite foods together…

You were a straight A’s student, the pride of every academy you attended, and the perfect, shy kid who never created major chaos. Everyone around you would say how lucky Ms. Weems was to have you as her child.

And of course, how could you not be perfect? You’ve seen her cry, knowing how hard it was to achieve that. You’ve heard the comments people made about her and the school. You’ve seen how much it took her to be where she was. You had to make the path as easy as you could for her, so she didn’t have to worry with you. When you were old enough to enter Nevermore, the distance between you got wider. You found your friends and were not sleeping that often at her quarters anymore. Thankfully, she realized it before it was too late, and you started being close again.

All this small presentation was coming to an end, and before you could feel it, the last slide came by. It was late at night, and you were back at her quarters, helping with emails she had to send.

“Y/n/n?” Larissa asked, looking at you with a smile, which you half replied, not taking your eyes from the laptop, “I don’t know if I have ever said this out loud, but I have never felt luckier in my life”

“Really?” you asked, distracted, signing the last email and sending it, “Did the chief finally give up on the whole ‘mysterious creature thing’?”

She laughed before asking you to turn off the computer. You did so, and she grabbed your hand. Even if you were just looking, you could almost feel her warm, comforting touch.

“I feel lucky because I got you, silly child” she replied, looking at you with proud eyes, “you are everything to me, and honestly I don’t think I would have been able to endure much of what I did without you… I’m so proud of you”...

Everything went dark and empty, and after being in some sort of shock, accepting your own death, you panicked. No, you didn’t want to die. Not like this. Not alone in the dark. You’ve sacrificed yourself for the better, and now you were whining like a child. Does that make you a weak person? Does that invalidate your sacrifice?

Darkness surrounded you no matter the direction you took. Running in circles, you tripped with your foot, falling face first to the ground. Tears streamed down your cheeks, your breathing shallow as you tried to find something to ground you. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, only silence. A silence so deep you could hear your breathing, you could listen to your thoughts clear like water. Nothing was real. What was going on?

Your senses, overwhelmed, begged for the torture to stop. There was no purpose in trying to stand up, so you curled up in a ball, hugging your knees and closing your eyes. Every time you were feeling down, scared, or sad, Larissa had been there for you. She was always there, holding your hand, stroking your hair to calm all your aches down. You felt like that helpless child you once were, trying to find her in this nightmare.

“Y/N?” An echoed voice flew across the emptiness, “I’m back, all right? I won’t go away anymore, promise”.

Your eyes opened, searching for the source of the sound. It was only you, the ground, and the darkness… After brushing away the tears with a rough hand movement, you listened, staying still.

“I spoke with the cops again… they say it might be better for us to hide after you get better, just in case” she whispered. You recognize that voice, vaguely. “Donovan said you were really brave back there… Of course you were, you always are…”

Where was she? Sitting up, you keep on trying to find the source of her voice. You are sure now, that’s mom. Her voice started cracking as she revealed all the things that had happened since the first attack, how she rushed to the hospital and almost lost you twice. How you were connected to a bunch of things and in a state of deep sleep (she feared to called it the real name just in case you could understand you wouldn’t get scared). The attack at midnight at Nevermore, how the students were forced to escape in a very short amount of time. Thankfully not many people were injured severely.

The best part was that you were able to help after all. Thanks to the video, the police department had been on patrol nearby the school all evening, and reacted quickly when things went south.

After a brief pause, she spoke to you about… yourself. She missed your jokes, your smile, the interesting conversations you used to have during tea time, and the pictures saved in your shared album “Mom and me”. She felt guilty, ashamed of not being able to protect you and standing still as Ms. Thornhill stabbed you with the venom, her body only reacting as your knees buckled and you dropped to the ground half conscious.

“...But I don’t know why am I even talking about this… I think you are not able to hear me, darling” she said in a sad whisper, clearing her throat so her voice wouldn’t break again “I miss your voice, y/n/n… My sleepy kitten.”

But you were there! You could hear her loud and clear, why was she saying all of that?

“Mom I’m right here, I can hear you!” You yelled, but no words left your mouth. Only a strained yell, making you sound like a squeaking mouse. “Mom I can hear you! Get me out of here, please!”

Standing up, you try to yell again, to make her notice you. How was she talking to you but you couldn’t see her? This was not funny, it was simply terrifying. You wanted to speak, to scream for help. After trying with no result for your voice to be heard, you started to give up… after what seemed like ages, you decided it was not worth it, curling up again. You started to feel sleepy. Was it possible to sleep in a dream?

“Mom I’m scared! Please…” you choke up on your tears, sobbing “ I want to wake up… help… please, someone help…”

After a long time (you didn’t know how much exactly) you woke up, still in that nightmare. Trapped inside your mind, what a fun experience! Groggily you stretched, your ears trying to seek for the known voice of Ms. Weems.

But she was nowhere to be found, and instead you were left with another. After a few minutes of listening you realized who it was: Wednesday.

“I thought you would be awake by now. After all, you have proven to be extremely strong Y/N” there was a small hint of a kind note in her voice, “Thank you for covering me during the personal investigations… I should have known that the outcome of everything would be bloody and disastrous.”

You smiled. After all you did, it seemed like Wednesday and you were friends. You were glad her first year wasn’t as horrible as she had imagined.

Someone knocked on the door before entering, greeting the raven-haired girl good morning. The first minutes an uncomfortable silence filled the room before Ms. Weems took lead of the conversation.

“I’m glad to see you again, Ms. Addams”

“I was only hoping to be able to say my farewells and thank them ” she explained “I won’t be able to see them until the next term of your torturous school begins”.

Even if you were not able to see them, you could bet almost anything that comment made your mom smile. She was happy, even if she didn’t wished to admit it, that Wednesday had survived the whole term at the school.

“I will be happy to see you again” Ms. Weems replied, before adding “And, Wednesday?”

She looked her in the eye, knowing what Larissa was about to do, but before trying to stop her, the principal continued.

“Thank you. First, for saving my child… If you hadn’t took out the syringe before the entirety of the liquid was inside them… I don’t even wish to imagine what could have happened… And second, for saving Nevermore. You are an extraordinary, gifted, and intelligent girl… I am sure your mother will be proud”

This time, Wednesday stood still for a second, before thanking them with embarrassment and asking for her not to do that again in the foreseeable future. Ms. Weems choked out a laugh, trying still to understand what could be going inside the young girl’s brain.

Wednesday searched in her pockets for something, and after a few seconds she took out a phone, handing it to Ms. Weems, who took it not fully understanding. With the faintest of blushes, she cleared her throat, looking at the principal.

“I was wondering if Y/N has one of those things Enid seems to enjoy so much… So I could write to them, once they are awake… Insta-gram, I think” after a few seconds of silence, she added, like defending herself “I’m still getting used to having one of those.”

With a subtle nod, Ms. Weems searched for your profile, followed you on that phone and handed it back to the black-haired girl. She thanked her, said her farewells, and left. Larissa was quite amused at the ever so mysterious girl being more into social media, and how flustered she looked when admitting she knew nothing about those things. Even the one with the darkest hearth had a sweet inside, even if they don’t usually admit it, she thought.

But after the minutes of amusement, the tears came back to her already red eyes. She had never seen more undone. Her always flawless hair was messy, half combed into a bun. Her face pale, dark circles fully visible under her tired eyes. Her hands were cold, but she rubbed them one against the other to warm them up. Yours were as cold as ice, she only wished for you to feel a bit warm.

The nurse had come early in the morning and announced you were responding to the treatment, and changed your oxygen mask for a cannula. It was now up to you wheter you woke up in a few minutes or hours. That got Larissa’s hopes up, before realizing maybe you were not ready to wake up yet.

She announced the good news, grabbing your hand and rubbing gentle circles on it. Trying to motivate you, she started thinking out loud places where you could hide. A few sobs were heard as she kept rambling, trying not to break down again in the sight of an unpredictable future.

This was enough right? You were making everyone so worried, and mom had stated the fact you needed to hide as soon as you were in good shape again. You had to try to wake up, for her. The world was no longer in danger. And even if it was, you didn’t think it mattered anymore. You tried to get control of your body… And then you felt it, a warm sensation around your hand. Slowly, you were beginning to feel again.

“You see? I told you Wednesday wanted to be your friend. After all the mischiefs you conjured during the past months I woulnd’t expect anything else” She sighed, grabbing your hand, “could you please show me you are still in there, kitten?”

Just a sign. You could do that… How, you had no idea. After a few minutes of what you thought useless attempts, the darkness dissipated, leaving space for a very bright light.

“I felt your hand moving, great job Y/N” she encouraged you, happy tears streaming down her face, “You can do it darling, just open your eyes.”

It took a lot out of you, but somehow you managed to escape your prison. Your eyes opened slowly, squinting a bit as you adjusted your vision to the bright room. Groaning, you started feeling your senses again.

What happened? Where is this place?

“...Mom?” you asked in a whisper, still lost and half-asleep.

“I’m right here, sweetheart.” she reassured you, stroking your hair. “Welcome back, sleepy kitten.”

With a vague smile you simply let her stroke your hair as you finished understanding everything that was going on. Then, aware of your surroundings, you cleared your throat. Still, not a noise came out.

“It will take some time, don’t worry” mom’s voice explained, “you just woke up from a really long nap, after all”.

The first meal you had after being entirely on IV therapy was glory. It wasn’t much, true, but you felt like it been ages since you ate something. Your body was recuperating, and you had no major side effect, aside from the weakness and the fact you were not able to walk five steps without falling over. But it could be worse, right?

You wrote to Wednesday as soon as you were allowed to have your phone back, and it was so funny to see how many accidental typos she made, or how many times she would send weird stickers. After a few weeks you were given the all clear, finally ready to go to your new home. Where? That was gonna be fun to find out. Thankfully mom was able to infiltrate on her office, grabbing two bags full of clothes and other important stuff, so you were not able to miss any of your favorite stuff.

Your sacrifice was for her, and you were happy you took the risk, even if now you are weak and might need some aid when walking. The mystery was over, everything was good.

Things won’t last much like that, sure, but for now it was time to rest and see where destiny would take you.

#wednesday addams #larissa weems #hurt/comfort #hospital #fanfic #wednesday fanfic

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oxygenbefore1775 · 6 months

Text

ok, this was bound to appear on my blog - Zeke and misuse of regeneration

pairing: zeke x reader

tags: canonverse, postcoital aftermath (yet again, slightly nsfw)

cw: mentions of sex, zeke is not (very) nice plus loses patience quickly, blood, injuries, knife, it starts kinda wholesome though, the last 2k is just them playing chicken with each other, zeke's having his own table moment kinda

wc: 5,2 k

a/n: so i have this wip i'm writing in my mother-tongue and instead of writing it chapter for chapter, i write only the interesting bits and sometimes translate them for tumblr - thats why the premise and the whole oneshot might seem strange

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

This time, you had to admit it. Last night, in a desperate need to satiate your hunger and fulfill desires, you were perhaps a bit too reckless.

At that moment, something as trivial as consequences didn't concern you. Shapes melted into each other, disappearing in the darkness of his bedroom, just like your sense of judgment. With your patience running thin, waiting another second for the two of you to get into bed was something you just couldn’t bear with. Yes, you pushed him. The many cheap romance novels you’d read always seemed to portray this sort of action in a flirtatious if not seductive way, a testament to the ardency ignited by your lover’s mere proximity. The books were wrong, it turned out. That much you understood the moment a muffled hit sound reached your ear. Such a far cry from the scenes you used to read about so often. Nothing pretty about the way his brows knitted into a tight frown as he took a sharp breath through gritted teeth, that’s for sure. Your next clue should have been the ribbon of white smoke rising up from the back of his head, curling and winding as it dissipated into the darkness. Did it stop you for a second? Not at all. Quite the contrary - you rushed to join him, collapsing on top of him. Stupid, yet there was not a grain of mindfulness left in your head to produce a coherent let alone a logical thought.

But now, as you made your way towards the kitchen to raid the cabinets for any scarce treats, the pale morning light compelled your eyes to confront the consequences (and the cause, for that matter) of your frivolity.

It was a relief that he sat at the table facing away from you. Normally he’d position himself right across the entrance, ready to meet your gaze the moment you’d walk in, robbing you of any opportunity to see him in an unfocused state. Strange. The treachery of the wooden floorboards creaking under your feet alerted him to your presence at once.

Reluctant to come off as sneaky, you broke the silence first. “Good morning.” It sounded more like a question than a pleasant greeting, but tolerable enough to lay the start to the conversation.

Zeke didn’t answer, his attention fully captured by the morning’s newspaper rather than by you. At least this behavior of his was not out of the ordinary. Without any further attempts to contribute to this incredibly one-sided chat, you reached for the coffee pot - it never hurts to treat yourself to a scarce commodity like this and not that he would mind anyway. Glancing at him over your shoulder as you poured yourself a hefty amount into a mug, your gaze almost drilled into the back of his head, as if he would sense this kind of impertinence coming from you and turn around to look at you.

There, in the gold of his hair, a dark spot caught your eye. Blonde strands stuck together in a quite small yet still noticeable clump at the back of his head. It’s the same stain that you found on the wall near his bed in the early morning. The same place he hit his head on, courtesy of your behavior. The tips of your ears suddenly got consumed with heat. Now that you think about it, it's quite fortunate that Zeke was sitting with his back to you, otherwise he would have picked up on your embarrassment at the moment’s notice. Should he notice and your composure would not hold against his teasing, no matter how tame.

As you routinely took a little sip from the mug, you couldn’t help but to keep looking at Zeke from a safe distance. At that bloodied lock on the back of his head.

He would have told you by now, making sure that you know the outcome of your recklessness. There was some sort of distorted glee for him in seeing you all flustered. Yet he stayed silent. And not that you remembered him having a shower in the morning or going into the bathroom for that matter. Could it be that he hasn’t noticed? Impossible. A bleeding wound at the back of your head wouldn’t be something that you just miss.

Your gaze slid along the lines of his fingers, all too gingerly holding the paper, as if he was listening in on you right now and not paying any mind to today’s articles anymore. Appropriate or not, you still felt obligated to tell him.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a comb?” a slight tremble to your voice, you glued your eyes to the mug in a desperate attempt to appear calm to him.

Still, Zeke chuckled in response. The sparks of benevolence in that chuckle - usually he’d save them for the nights and that’s why you were surprised to hear them now. He must’ve hit his head really hard to warrant this kind of attitude. Well, again, you had no one but yourself to blame.

Although seemingly intrigued by your out-of-place question, he still didn’t turn to you.

“Why exactly?” A hint of mockery laced his thoughtful voice, the one you were so used to by now.

His form, soft and light in the rays of the morning sun, beckoned you as if there was no usual hesitation in disturbing or imposing your company on him. Without further ado, you closed the distance between the two of you by going behind him - an insolent attempt to approach him that didn’t escape his attention. There was no other way to explain the unexpected tension piercing through his body the moment you rested your hands atop the chair’s back.

Of course he wasn’t fond of it. Any situation leaving him vulnerable to the likes of you (especially to the likes of you) didn’t find any favor with him. The reverse cases were much preferable where you were the one defenseless against and woefully ignorant of his next moves.

Despite all of that, he let you. In all the time you stood there pondering, never once did he turn around, look at you with reproach, put you in your place with his single word - he froze in wait, if not silent anticipation.

As alluring as it was, you held back a toothless taunt regarding his less-than-usual antics this morning. Chances are, he’d not let it slide so easily.

“It’s just-” you paused for a second, still unsure if you indeed wanted to tell.

Rather than responding, your hand reflexively reached for his head, fingers sinking into the blonde strands at the back. A playful smile threatened to break through as you noted the unexpected softness to his hair which was peculiar only to children. The temptation to card your other hand through his hair almost overcame you but was quickly suppressed by the all-too-natural possibility of his discontent with that action of yours. Good thing you found that bloodied lock before another unexplainable urge entered into your head.

As he continued to show surprising leniency toward your every action so far, you decided to delve into the clumped mess of hair, exposing the scalp beneath. Given the substantial amount of blood that emerged, it indicated a rather deep wound.

Your eyebrows furrowed as your fingers explored, expecting a rough scab beneath a blood-soaked strand. Instead, you felt smooth skin. Untouched, as if the hit from the last night causing the wound had never happened. The very same wound that had miraculously healed without a trace. The regeneration as an explanation completely escaped your mind. No wonder it did, though - sometimes you forgot about the abilities that distinguished Zeke from other Eldians at the zone.

“Has a bout of compassion suddenly befallen you?” He inquired, taking notice of your bewilderment. “Leave it, I’ll take care of it myself.”

The detachment in his tone clashed with the ease with which he leaned into your touch.

Now would be the perfect moment for your stubborn disobedience (and all the other things you’d done on top of that to cause his discontent yet it failed to do so. As if coming to terms with this unexpected display of concern, he remained seated, unmoving and silent, inadvertently fueling your determination.

“I was only thinking of using a comb to split the strands into the smaller ones so that it would be easier for you to wash out the blood,” you tried to explain, absentmindedly twisting one of his soft blonde locks on your finger. “That’s all.”

Whether it was the hint of guilt in your voice that you sought to compensate for or the inherent allure of your proposition, it managed to fracture his indifferent facade, revealing his willingness to accept your ill-thought care.

Finally, he turned his head to meet your gaze. The coldness in his eyes gave way to the unusual mellow - the one you’d never seen before but the one that beckoned you to him even more so.

“Try looking by the washbasin,” he replied after a long pause.

As the comb's teeth sank into the thickness of his blonde hair, your mind relinquished its current consciousness, allowing muscle memory to guide your every movement from that moment on. With trained swiftness your fingers delicately unraveled the clumped strand, careful not to tug too hard and thus disturb him. Very soon dried blood flaked off his fair hair and dusted across the teeth of the comb and your fingertips, sticking to the sweat of your skin.

Somehow, you anticipated his patience would wear thin at any moment. The way he so often and persistently demanded your attention didn't exactly scream patience, prompting you to brace yourself to keep his head in place in case he felt like fidgeting in his chair. Only he never did that.

How you longed for just a fleeting glimpse of his face in the morning silence. A mere glance to decipher the current emotion painting his features. Were his eyes open, his brows slightly furrowed in a barely palpable annoyance at your sluggishness? Or, on the contrary, did a gentle warmth conquer the coldness of his features, causing his eyelids to grow heavy with each stroke of the comb? You found yourself yearning for the latter, especially as his breathing deepened and slowed - only those on the verge of sleep breathed in such a manner.

As much as you’d enjoy the endearing sight of him nodding off under the touch of your fingers, you didn’t wish to put him in an awkward position. And not that you particularly fancied the prospect of waking him up later. You couldn’t imagine this particular scenario happening between the two of you - you two weren’t there yet and probably would never be. Rather than carrying on with combing in silence, you decided to speak in an attempt to pry his mind away from sleeping.

“Did it hurt?” you asked, your fingers casually tracing the healed spot on his head.

A stupid question, if not painfully rhetorical. After all, you were there to witness his reaction to the hit so you should know better than to ask something like this. Yet you couldn’t help your impudent curiosity. And unease. Maybe.

“Certainly,” Zeke assumed, as if he could only speculate on the correct answer. “A smashed head usually hurts.”

Again with the facetious remarks. And there you thought that you’d successfully managed to ease the tart-tongued captain into an idle chit-chat. Nevertheless, undeterred, you pressed on with the conversation. Anything to get your mind off of the metallic smell in the air going up your nose from all the combing.

Memory came to your aid, offering a glimpse into the events of the previous night. As dismissive as you were of the injury, despite being the cause of it, he also didn’t excel at acknowledging the damage the hit brought him.

“Why didn’t you stop me then?” you didn’t mean to appear upset yet that’s how it came off sounding. “Why did you carry on as if nothing's happened?”

Now you remembered how brief his response to the pain was. Allowing himself not a moment longer, wincing curtly before the regeneration process seamlessly kicked in. Before he pulled you in, back down to him, in a hasty kiss. No words of blame directed at you nor the general disgruntlement with the situation.

“I should ask you the same question.” Rightfully noted yet this evasive answer failed to satisfy you - a sentiment you conveyed through a subtle tug on a strand of his hair. Only then did he change his response. “Would you lay off of me if I say that I just wanted to fuck you so bad?”

So much bitterness to his cold tone - you could’ve easily mistaken it for aloofness were it not for the tension in his body. Instances when his words didn't align with his body language were moments of attempted deception. Even he was susceptible to a minor flaw like this. Normally it would be your sign to back off, stop trying to lure the answers from him yet your insolence blinded you to all the warnings.

For a brief moment, you let him believe that he indeed had gotten away with his evasive answer. Engaging in the task of combing his hair, your fingers delicately navigated through the strands, sweeping away the last remnants of dried blood. The staining caught your attention, a single lock of his fair hair now tinted with a subtle reddish-brown hue. Cute, even if a bit gross.

Perhaps he was too used to blood to pay attention to the small amount now staining him. Strange that you didn’t come to this conclusion earlier. It was only logical, considering his occupation.

Sometimes you’d forget you were fucking a Titan holder. You’d never been in a warzone to see him transform into one.

“So it wasn’t that grave of an injury, huh?” your voice dripping with feigned adoration. You hoped that blatant flattery would help you get away with your not so subtle inquiries. “Good thing it wasn’t me hitting my head on the corner.”

Tears would undoubtedly have welled up in your eyes if you were in that situation. Such intense pain is beyond handling with a straight face, not to mention dealing with the aftermath of receiving such injury. You would lose much more blood though, considering the lack of regeneration that’d help with closing the wound up.

You anticipated a chuckle or a shadow of laughter, any sign that he might entertain the idea of talking to you, but none came.

The dynamics between the two of you were never defined by lively conversations, or any kind of conversations, for that matter. Silence and sporadic bickering were the hallmark of your shared moments. Considering the transactional nature of your relationship, there was little to complain about. Still, a chat never hurt, especially this morning when he seemed to lack his usual aversion to being nice to you. It was intriguing to hear about the honorary Marleyans - or, more precisely, the abilities that set them apart and distinguished them from the likes of you. It seemed like the perfect time to steer the conversation in that direction. The worst thing he could do was to stop talking.

Tension laced his body as he finally broke the silence. “Unlike you and the others, my injuries are of little significance as I’ve come to learn. It’d take much more for my body to be rendered beyond repair. Speaking from experience.”

The harshness to his voice that he oh-so ineptly tried to conceal with casualness. Too bad you couldn’t recognize it at the right moment. Yet another question was already falling off of your lips.

“What injury would suffice to label you beyond repair then?” The misplaced frolic as you fluffed his hair for the finishing touch, putting the comb down. “Would cutting your body in half do the trick? Or would they need to-”

“Well aren’t you the one with the morbid interest for my regeneration?”

His sudden remark dripped with cloying endearment, yet the way he said it - oh-so quietly and without seeking to meet your gaze - made you come to a complete stop. The unsettling sight of his lips pursing into a bloodless thread lingered, even as your view remained limited from standing behind his back. You’d rather for it to be a smile or a pout or a grin - something, anything capable of possibly shedding light on his inner monologue.

Your nails dug into the flesh of your palms as you pondered an appropriate reaction to his words. Tacky. Must be the dried blood that clung to your skin during the combing process. His blood. Although you wouldn’t mind if it was your blood at this precise moment, despite knowing all too well that you didn’t have the strength nor the pain tolerance to puncture your own skin.

As luck would have it, your head remained empty. All the more reason to feel unease.

“It would be quite insufficient if I were only to tell you about my body's abilities when I am perfectly capable of providing a demonstration.” Only then he deigned to cast a glance back at you, his blue eyes as cold as ice behind the lenses of his glasses. “Don’t you think?”

With that, he gestured at the chair beside him.

“I don’t know what you mean,” the treacherous tremble in your voice hovered, a dead giveaway of your inner unrest. Summoning every ounce of composure, you accepted his suggestion with a straight face and sank into the chair next to him.

“You’ll see soon.”

You hoped you wouldn't. You hoped that he would drop the act soon and return to his usual self. Only, he was already behaving normally, perhaps even more casually towards you at this very moment.

He kept his word; a couple of moments later, you noticed an army knife on the table. Had he brought it here, or was your mind too teemed with thoughts to notice? For a brief moment you let fear take over as you struggled to figure out a reason he’d need a blade now that didn’t include either of you getting hurt in the process. He must’ve noticed your glazed-over eyes hence the encouragement, very much unwelcomed, to his smooth voice.

“Not to worry,” As his warm fingers reached out to touch your palm, their gentle contact served as a very much unwelcome distraction from the enveloping unease. “I’m not allowed to harm civilians, only the military .

His reassurance failed to provide any relief. If anything, it only made you even more suspicious of him considering his famously non-civilian status in the internment zone. Before you could utter a word - not that you could conceive an appropriate response for this entirely unfeasible predicament - he directed the knife toward you, the handle being the closest.

“We use it to trigger transformation,” with that, he looked up at you as if pondering his next words. “I won’t transform today I promise.”

Your lips parted as you struggled to maintain composure in view of his insinuation. He arched an eyebrow at the sight of your understandable puzzlement, almost baffled by the fact that you couldn’t comprehend him.

“I thought you understood everything I’d said just a moment ago,” he didn’t mean to sound menacing, evident in the way he tilted his head, almost in an innocent and curious manner, but he did to you.

On that, you had to agree with him. For a brief moment you contemplated feigning cluelessness, hoping it would spare you from the part he intended for you. Yet, there was little room for misinterpreting his words and he didn't deem you capable of such a fit to actually believe you.

As quickly as your stiff body allowed, your finger tapped the blade, confirming its metallic nature. How many times must he have used it to draw blood? What difference would yet another cut bring? This time, however, it wasn't to trigger a transformation, as you assumed he regularly does in his position, but to impart a 'lesson' in excessive curiosity. Although “lesson” would be the wrong word to describe the impending punishment. Between the two of you, you still weren’t sure who would be the one getting punished here.

“Would you lay off me if I do it?” this time, you spent no effort trying to keep your voice steady. There was no more dread to your predicament worth harboring.

He only nodded in response. An air of conceit emanated from him, almost palpable, as if he believed he was graciously presenting a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to you. Well, who were you to deny yourself the pleasure of taking control? He should have answered when you asked first, without pushing you to the point of exasperation.

“Not a lot of concern coming from a person who’s about to be left at my mercy,” your lips curled into a grin as you sneered at him, unconvinced of his willingness to be put into such a compromising position, “And what if I decide to stab you?”

Again, you failed to elicit any reaction out of him. “By all means, it’d be even more interesting. All the more spectacle for you to enjoy.”

His words prompted you to grab the knife more quickly, pulling the hand he offered closer to you.

The blade hovered over the open palm of his hand as your troubled gaze scanned his skin in search of the best place to leave a cut. The one that would allow for the deepest wound. The one that would have the most vessels to slit for the blood to spill. The one that would be the most-

The knife twitched in your hand.

"But it’ll be painful," you couldn’t help but indulge in your habit of glancing up at him, making your stalling painfully obvious. "Will it not?"

What nonsense you began to spew once push came to shove. Compassion is the wrong sentiment to hold at the moment, especially towards someone like him - not only he’d reject it but also tease you for its display.

He didn’t feel the need to answer. The inquisitive look in his eyes carried enough challenge to make you feel embarrassed, prompting you to look back down at the blade. Among all people, Zeke was likely the last deserving of pity from you. The many years of his service to Marley stripped injuries of any significance other than their role in triggering the transformation, with the resulting pain being merely an unfortunate by-product of triggering the transformation, something one needed to learn to ignore. He was the one to suggest it in the first place, absolving you of any sense of guilt - that’s what you told yourself to uproot the hesitation plaguing your movements. Yet, it didn’t feel that way.

In an attempt to save face, you hastily rushed to press the knife against the palm of his hand. The blade sank into the soft flesh but did nothing to puncture the skin.

Having observed your struggles, Zeke commented in a patronizing tone, “You do know that you also have to drag it across, right?”

“I know,” you shot back, your voice struggling to convey the sternness you so desperately wanted him to hear, “Shut up before I change my mind and lop off your tongue instead.”

He could only scoff at your empty threat. The likelihood of you following through was significantly undermined by your current inability to leave even a small nick on his body.

It felt awkward to hold a knife clearly not suited for the size of your hand. You realized just how unassuming it made you appear in his eyes and that's why he didn't seem threatened at all. His hand you were clutching so hard radiated pleasant warmth, soft skin in stark contrast to yours, cold and clammy with sweat. No point in trying to wipe it off - he already knew.

A slight drag of the blade, you mused to yourself, as your grip on the handle tightened. Maybe it’ll be painless yet deep enough for him to finally stop with the torment.

“Right, this is going to take forever if it continues like this,” a murmur just above your ear unsettled you, and for all the right reasons.

The next thing you knew was the cold, sticky dread as you felt him pry the knife from your stiff fingers.

“No-no-no,” was all you could mutter as you watched him bring the blade to the same spot on his palm you couldn’t bring yourself to injure, cutting short all of your attempts to snatch the knife from him. “Please, I’ll do it.”

The urgency in your voice was as clear as it was sudden. In every sense, you should have welcomed the relief from such a burden, yet it only managed to deepen the fear within you. An instinct whispered that between the two of you, he would be the least inclined to show mercy to show hesitation.

He effortlessly shook off the weight of your hands tugging at his wrists. Witnessing a smile on his face, whether benevolent or wicked, would have offered more comfort than the serene facade he now wore. It was easier for you to provide suitable answers when you know precisely what plagues his mind.

As your lips moved in futile appeals for him to cease already, an audible sigh escaped them as soon as you watched the blade gliding across the flesh of his palm. Dropping to your knees to draw nearer, you clasped his arm - the one wielding the knife - almost cradling it close to your chest. You could almost deceive yourself, misinterpreting the gesture as one driven by tenderness.

“Please, stop,” you muttered, eyes fixed on his palm. Despite wanting to lock eyes and convey the urgency of your plea, the fear of witnessing his pain held you back. “I’m afraid of blood,” you lied, “I get nauseous the moment it comes into view.”

Unconvincing, painfully so, and he perceived it as such.

“Probably should have thought about it before deciding to comb my hair earlier this morning,” the twofold meaning seared in his reproach as he pointed to your fingers, his blood caked beneath your nails.

More words danced at the tip of his tongue, laden with sentiments threatening to spill forth. Bold inquiries forever bound to remain unspoken. It occurred too often for you not to pick up on it. Yet, in this moment, such awareness faded as your focus narrowed to the subtle sway of the knife as it lifted up delicately. The pressure from the blade left a slice in his skin, a pale crack tracing across his palm. No blood. Thankfully, you couldn't help but acknowledge it to yourself.

You had to speak before he had a chance to come up with another rebuke - or even worse, decide to deepen the cut.

“I’ll do it if you want me to,” you had to assemble all the remnants of composition within you to sound even just a bit assertive as you were still kneeling beside him.

As your touch graced his right hand, his fingers eased into a state of relaxation. There was no doubt in your mind that he was more than willing to surrender the blade - out of the two of you, he wanted you to do the swing. A complacent expression lingered in the cold depths of his eyes, a silent conviction that he had successfully played you. In some sense, he indeed had.

As you resumed your place at the table, your hand reached out for his - the very one he had attempted to harm not too long ago. Your gaze fixed upon the cut, the many layers of skin ruptured and now exposed. While it might have been more sensible to complete the job, to add another slice and breach the blood vessels, your touch redirected to his finger. Precisely on the soft pad of his digit is where you chose to apply the blade.

The resistance of the flesh intensified as you pressed the metal deeper, each push of the blade causing a nauseating churn in your stomach. The sensation heightened as you felt the skin give way under the blade. It was unfathomable to think that he could do this routinely, let alone in a much quicker and more mindless motion than yours.

You could only be glad that it lasted mere seconds. After tossing the knife onto the table, you observed as blood began to flow, scarlet beads collecting at the edges of the cut. Zeke watched on in silence through all of that, following your gaze. You assumed - and rightfully so - that he expected your tears to follow his blood yet your eyes held nothing but weariness and annoyance - sentiments you made sure to convey to him the moment your gazes met.

“So?” you proded, as you quirked your eyebrow in an inquisitive manner.

You almost flinched at the sudden feeling of a drop hitting the back of your hand. Pulsing out of the wound and dripping down the curve of his finger, blood blossomed into a splatter upon contact with your skin. Were you not quick enough in putting your hand away, another couple of drops would have followed. Had you not been quick enough to withdraw your hand, a few more drops would have inevitably followed.

Sure enough - just before needing to prompt him once more - a surge of warmth followed by a wispy ribbon of white smoke emerged from the cut. It would be dishonest of you to deny the sense of wonder that overcame you at the sight of the wound vanishing, its pink edges seamlessly melding back into his flesh. Although you couldn’t help but question if it was truly worth it, considering the sheer absurdity preceding it.

Not a minute later and the cut was no more. Much like the unfounded worry you held for Zeke. The emotions fueling your actions throughout the morning now condensed into pure exasperation. Perhaps, you mused, you should have reconsidered extending your help in the first place.

The scarlet stains on your hands suddenly felt revolting as you glanced at them one more time. The metallic stench returned, almost mocking you for the events of this morning. A strong inclination to leave seized you - you craved distance from the aftermath and his stupid remarks, should they follow. As well as the persistent urge to cleanse the sticky blood off your skin

“I’ll be away for a while,” you muttered under your breath, standing up and leaving the kitchen under the weight

Even if he made an attempt to stop you, you would not pay any mind to his whims. It would require an extensive session of scrubbing before you would no longer see the maroon specks on your skin and the lingering scent of metal dissipate from the air.

#i have no excuse #tw: bl00d #tw: knife #zeke #zeke yeager #zeke x reader #zeke jeager #zeke yeager x reader #zeke oneshots #aot oneshots #tw blo0d #tw knife

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callmeklair · 8 months

Text

okay, i totally forgot to post this chapter and was almost about to post the new update and cause confusion kshakbsn, so with this chap, Tumblr is finally caught up with Ao3 and new chapter tomorrow on both the sites together :D

ALSO i really love how i was able to portray Yui in this chapter, my baby deserves better.

declaration

Chapter four

“and now I'm finally free from his grip.”

Next day Yui walked down the corridors of the school hallway eagerly to reach the special classroom and tell Shin that she will accept his proposal, trying her best to stay composed, but the excitement won’t let her.

Many people mistook Yui as some crazy person as she was happily jumping up and down while walking in the hallway.

I mean who wouldn’t? Yui was always a shut-in, no matter how many people approached her. She rarely ever smiled and today they get to see this precious girl’s brightest smile. They were mesmerised by how delicate and soft her smile was. It was a surprising scene…

"Shu…?" Yui quizzically called out to the blond who suddenly took a hold of her hand, stopping her in mid of her little rendezvous.

"Don't…."

"...huh?"

"I said don't go." His voice was harsh yet desperate, causing Yui to become more confused. The hold on her hand gets tighter and the next thing she knows is that she is in an unknown empty classroom and Shu is hugging her with his head down on her shoulder.

To Yui, all the vampires' behaviour was starting to get stranger and stranger. A lot of emotions were starting to swirl inside her mind causing a knot in her stomach. This is weird and confusing…… and scary. She doesn't know why but the current atmosphere and behavioural she is encountering is making her shiver.

"That tall guy from Mukamis told us about your little hangout today. ha… seriously can't believe he gave you permission without consenting others. and you… it's still dangerous out there for you, have you forgotten? the founders."

".....!"

ah! she knows what it is.

fear.

The sudden change is causing her to fear. Just a few days ago she was considered nothing but a sacrificial bride, blood bag, food, eve, prey. and now suddenly they are….

is it because of the lunar eclipse and the threat involving founders as they are at their weakest now? Their worried nature for her suddenly doesn't settle well with her. until now all the things she has seen and been through with them… due to them, is causing her to fret over even to the slightest difference in their behaviour.

she knows this feeling. the fear exists not because they are vampires but their sudden attitude. she doesn't want to go through it again…. after the truth about her father was revealed.

what if their behaviour is caused by the lunar eclipse? what if they are just being worried because of the founders' threat and their inability to fight during this course of time?

these thoughts always appeared at the back of her mind whenever she saw them being different.

she was scared to make herself comfortable with their new way of behaviour, thinking it will all be over when the lunar eclipse ends or the threat of the founders'.

is that why she might have tried to find comfort in Shin's arms? is that why she is so unguarded around him because for once she wants to enjoy herself without any other thoughts than the moment happening? no fear of being bitten, no fear of losing her blood, no fear of angering anyone, no fear of watching her actions carefully, no fear of causing even the slightest mistakes.

she really was desperate huh

she bitterly laughed at herself, internally, with tears starting to threaten to form near her eyes.

"I have not shu-san"

"then why…" It was the first time Yui had heard him speak with such a low broken voice. this is making her own self cry at his state. why are things taking such turns that she can't even feel safe with their nice way of expressing themselves.

"what should we do then? keep hiding from them? keep running away? Aren't we just helping them by making things easier by doing all these?"

"Shu…" with little confidence within herself, Yui reached out to him and took a hold of his face in her small palms as they made an anguished eye contact.

"If their goal is me, no matter what they're going to hunt me down. even if the new transferred students are founders', we….." Yui didn't know how to comprehend her words. she wants to convey Shu about her strong determination but she falls short on how, as she can't find the correct words to describe her feelings and thoughts.

"I think I understand where you are getting at" his tone was still lower than usual but a little relieved as he started to get what Yui was on about. She is trying to protect them in her own way by finding things herself as she is the main queen connected to all of these.

Yui still remembers, when she returned from the Mukamis and asking Reiji about the details of their plan as she is involved in it but only to be dismissed by him saying that it's none of her concern before getting bitten.

that incident made her realise again how helpless she is in front of these vampires and even if she is involved in something, they won't tell her easily and keep her in the dark.

it's risky but it's also the only way to find the truth herself.

after all, she has already given up on resisting these people as she is completely aware of her powerlessness against them.

"I'll be taking my leave now" Yui politely excused herself without waiting for other's response as she left the empty classroom and rushed to the rooftop to calm her thoughts down.

– At rooftop :

she can't visit Shin in such a state, he will obviously notice the cracks in her voice. she can't be vulnerable in front of him, especially if he is one of the founders', maybe.

deep down Yui prayed miserably for Shin to not turn out a founder so she can keep drowning herself in their small cherishing moments with him.

so that she can finally be a little selfish.

no she is already being selfish by ignoring the dangers and threats around her.

w-why. Yui's thoughts start to become darker. it gets worse when she peers at the forest surrounding the school from all directions, through the metal bars which reminds her of a prison.

Grabbing them, she symbolises how the scenery beyond looks like she is watching it from a cage.

an open cage, yet… it's still a cage.

something small goes inside Yui's right ear and she hears a soft tune calming her down a little. Turning, she sees Chaewon giving her a small unsure smile fearing the blonde woman in front of her didn't want to be disturbed and she went out of her own way and still did it. But Yui was already too exhausted from her frenzy convictions to notice it.

Yui touches the small object in her ear, taking in its shape and realising it's an earpiece. and smiled.

this time, Chaewon again smiled but with certainty.

a moment passed as both of them indulged themselves in the humming in their ears.

finally Chaewon spoke. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. But when I saw you, it looked like you were getting farther from your own self."

"thank you"

Yui finally took in the girl's appearance as she noticed how her delicate features and siren eyes glimmered under the moon. her deep black long hair, which reached until her waist contrasted with her pale white skin. she looked more fragile and weaker than last time she saw her on that day. is it because of her? is it because she interfered where she wasn't?

as if reading her thoughts, Chaewon shakes her head and calls out to her. "No, I should be the one thanking you, for that day. remember? you saved me from my horrible boyfr- no, ex. If it weren't for you, maybe I wouldn't be here and instead inside a hospital or worse. That day after leaving, I immediately filed a complaint against him in the school with the help of one of the teachers"

Chaewon paused to give a teary smile.

"and now I'm finally free from his grip. so, thank you so much again."

For the first time in a while, Yui felt refreshed. a sense of achievement. No words can describe what she was feeling right now after finding that she was able to help someone to get out of their shackles that had bound them down roughly.

"uhm, I never got to know your name. mine is Ahn Chaewon, what's yours?" a new kind of energy was emitting from the girl in front of Yui and she giggled at it as she was reminded of past her. no. she is still her, just crushed between the circumstances.

"I'm Komori Yui" Yui has lost count of the times she has smiled now after conversing with Chaewon.

She has made another friend.

– At special classroom :

Yui was surprised to find the special classroom empty, but soon her expression turned sour as she thinks that she won't be able to go to Shin's house anymore and practise dance with him, if he has not come to school today.

her thoughts were interrupted by echoing footsteps behind her and her expression turned back to glee and turned around.

"What are you doing here?" it wasn't Shin. but instead his older brother Carla. Again disappointed, she tries her best to not show it obviously on her face.

"I-I was looking for shin-kun. I h-had something-g to talk to him about" more than disappointment, Yui was trying her best to hide the overwhelming pressure Carla's presence was causing on her. why does she become like this everytime in front of him?

an eerie silence befell upon the two of them and Yui inwardly begged Shin to show up as soon as possible. As on cue Shin finally showed himself.

"Yui?" the amount of relief and joy she felt just only by hearing his voice. she cried in happiness to herself in her mind.

"Shin-kun!"

"what are you doing here? with my brother?" his voice came out off-note. Yui wondered if anything happened to him, his usual cheery tone was very down.

"I wanted to t-talk to you a-about yesterday." still pressured by Carla's presence, she tries her best to not stammer and get straight to the point.

"oh." his usual smile returned as he beamingly asked if she was ready and she nodded, signalling her acceptance of his proposal.

"what is this all about?" confused, Carla's demands to know what they are talking about as he doesn't like being kept in the dark.

"it's nothing much nii-san, she just wanted to learn how to dance with me" as he explained, Shin came closer to Yui putting himself between his brother and her like a shield.

"hmph. do whatever you guys want." and he left soon after not prying more in their business but not before giving Shin a doubtful look.

– At Tsukinami manor :

"and 1, and 2 and 3. now twirl around by taking hold of my finger"

"like this?" Yui took Shin's finger as instructed by him and twirled.

"yes, very good, but your posture is a little loose which can make you disbalance and fall."

"okay, I'll take note of that!" Yui beamed as she looked around the room once again. She is still in disbelief that Shin lives in such a big luxurious yet classical manor with his brother alone. Isn't this place way too big for just two people? just like Sakamakis' and Mukamis' manors, least people but big houses.

Right now she and Shin were inside a big hall which was totally covered in baby blue and cream white palette with specks of gold. a huge chandelier hanging above them like those she has seen in royal genre movies at her home.

this house is totally giving royal vibes.

She secretly glanced at Shin and noticed how he blends so well with this colour palette, no. this colour palette blends with Shin. the gold lightening glistening over his strawberry hair as his pure golden eye shine with a sparkle and take the spotlight.

his eye…. she has never seen any gold more shining than this. she might have never had any interest in gold before but now she does and he is the reason.

"mesmerised?" Shin smirked as he observed Yui's reaction and her curious stare.

"very… it's beautiful" at this point she didn't know herself if she was talking about the room or Shin.

anguish. contempt.

it's that eye, which has brought her a sense of calmness, relief and freedom in the midst of all the chaos and hell she is living in.

only if she knew, how that eye is also going to bring all the emotions opposite of what she achieved above in some time.

anguish. contempt.

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