#There are a lot of strong ass women and media and I love them

[fastfists]

Cause, I have to add...I do love me strong female characters BUT I also like when they have personalities and arn't just 'one of the guys but with boobs'/'not like other girls' type. Like, the reason all the Sonic girls are awesome? Yes, they all can fight BUT they all have distinct personalities — we got Amy who sweet, kind, and a hopeless romantic than we have someone like Rouge who is flirty, confident, and sassy. And that is just two of them, all them are distinct and badass. And other examples outside Sonic characters? Sailor Moon is a badass too; Sally the Ragdoll is a badass; Jessica Rabbit is a badass— why? Because they all are allowed to be characters that happen to be women and they're not shamed for that. And yes, not all of them are 'fighters' but Sally was willing to risk her self to help save Santa, Jessica was putting her career and self in harms way for her husband, and Sailor Moon whole thing is about protecting the world through love; most might not be fighters in the traditional sense but they can fight when needed. In conclusion, please stop making 'badass women' the 'not like other girls' trope. No one likes it, let them be bad asses by being good characters and strong ladies without having to basically shaming other women.

[gatheringbones]

[“It was only after I came out as a dyke that, for the first time in my life, I felt ready to celebrate being a girl, and I did. Actually, I overdid. Armed with Esther Newton’s Mother Camp, Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Joan Nestle’s A Restricted Country, I embraced femme. I dressed up in short flowery dresses, pushup bras, satin panties, and lacy stockings. I paid great attention to my long, curly, perfectly-coiffed hair, my glamorous makeup, and especially my pouty lips. I spritzed Lola’s smell on my skin—Estee Lauder’s Private Collection—and painted my nails. I wore all of it with black combat boots and a brilliant sense of irony. I reveled in my girliness, went over the top, learned how to tweeze my eyebrows and line my lips with a lip pencil.

My gender presentation was unmistakable: blatant female sexuality. I was a proud, in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, uppity, don’t-assume-I’m-straight-because-I-wear-lipstick-and-dresses femme dyke. Because femmes are always assumed to be straight or sleeping with men, and I do sleep with men, I made sure to always have a butch on my arm so I’d be read as femme. Even though I was sure I’d be mistaken for straight, the boys took one look at me and steered clear. It was as if I was too much of a woman for them to handle, like I was a handful, and I was. But butch girls love a handful—a handful of tits, a handful of ass, a girl who needs to be handled, a girl who can handle herself.

How I figured out I was a femme had a lot to do with the women I was attracted to and the dynamic between us. When I was in junior high, I used to mess around with a friend of mine named Angela. Angela was one of those girls who developed early; I remember she had big breasts in like sixth grade. We mostly kissed and touched over clothes, and we played out various boy-girl scenarios. I was always the girl—my early femme roots. My favorite of all our little scenes was the one where she was my male boss and I was the secretary. The boss made me have sex with him and told me if I didn’t I would get fired. Now this was all before Clarence Thomas, Anita Hill and the media awareness/obsession with sexual harassment. I remember she’d tell me to suck her dick and push my face unmercifully into her crotch, which smelled amazing,. The drama of it all—the force, the degradation, the power games—really got me off. After that, there was no going back to simplicity. I was hooked on the power.

Jen really epitomized all the girls I was attracted to then and still am. Being with a butch girl, I was valued for my combination of strength and vulnerability, for dressing up, for wanting an arm to hold onto, hips to wrap my legs around, being able to give my body over to her and say, I trust you, I’m yours. My butch loved me in low-cut dresses, appreciated my sexual voraciousness, worshipped my inner slut. I reveled in the fact that I could be strong and submissive all at once. Surrender and still be a feminist. Being a dyke is not just about who I fuck and love, it’s about being a girl who doesn’t play by the rules.

Butch girls don’t play by the rules either, and I love butch girls. Girls with hair so short you can barely slide it between two fingers to hold on. Girls with slick, shiny, barbershop haircuts and shirts that button the other way. Girls that swagger. Girls who have dicks made of flesh and silicone and latex and magic. Girls who get stared at in the ladies room, girls who shop in the boy’s department, girls who live every moment looking like they weren’t supposed to. Girls with hands that touch me like they have been touching my body their entire lives. Girls who have big cocks, love blow-jobs, and like to fuck girls hard. Every day, it is the girls that get called Sir that make me catch my breath, the girls with strong jaws that buckle my knees, the girls who are a different gender that make me want to lie down for them.

Someone else said it about me recently and it’s right on target: “She gets off on all different sorts of people sexually, but she falls for butches.” Like the poet who bought her first strap-on with me and then wanted to sleep with it on. The shrink-in-training who got harassed every time she drove down South. She did look so much like a fifteen-year-old boy: blue button-down shirts, neatly-combed blond hair. The ad exec who had names for her dildos and used to love for me to spit-shine her wingtips. The photographer whose face was so mannish she could pass almost anywhere. The writer who wanted a body like Loren Cameron’s. The telephone repairwoman who drove a truck. The cook who had a boy’s name. The academic who got cruised by gay men on Castro Street. The cornfed farmboy from the Heartland with arms so hard and strong you swear they’ve been working the land, not the iron at the gym.

And there’s the one who’s got the James Dean stare down, and dresses like a clean-cut fag, and looks at me like she could look at me forever and never blink or grow tired or move from the spot she’s in. She’s a girl who loves girls like me—girls in velvet bras, girls who want to surrender to her mouth. She’s a girl who isn’t afraid to throw a femme down on the bed and fuck her. Possess her. My kind of girl. This girl is different.”]

tristan taormino, from this girl is different, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000

[dreamtydraw]

Rewatching snow white ( the 1937 Disney movie ) with my little sister and I think it’s a great example on how people view feminity as weakness.

There is this image in media that snow white message is outdated because she gets saved by a prince and she’s naive but that so reductive of the whole movie and snow white as a character. Sure the social message of this almost 100 years old movie is vastly différent because of the war context and the goal intended for snow white as a character but aside of that ( because that important but too long to develop) even if you apply today modern standards, the film isn’t less feminist ?

Snow white is a polite pretty and kind woman. She takes care of the animals and in return they help her. She survive an assassination attempt and willingly choose to stay kind to other. When she chose to clean the house it’s because she thinks orphans lives here and she wants to help them. She’s a princess but used to be her step mother’s slave / servant ( in french she’s said to be a slave ) so that means before event of the movie she spent her time working. And about the prince she loves him, sure it’s very superficial but nevertheless she show mutliple time that she has interest in him through the movie ( two songs about it ) yet it’s only when he saves her that she end up with him, her goal is not to end up with him from the start, it’s after that she find safety that she wish for more like her love being reciprocated.

She rules the house, she pray for the well being of the dwarfs and dosen’t let negative comments going against her principles ( she force the dwarfs to clean themselves even if they insist to not do so and she still try to befriend grumpy politely when he say he dosen’t like her. )

And about the apple, she let the woman enter the house because she thinks the old woman is sick and need water, again showing signs of her good heart. The old woman tell her she’s gifting her an apple that grant wishes as a thank you for helping her, she dosen’t eat it because she’s dumb, she eats it because she thinks it’s a gift with good intentions for her good acts. + the old woman INSIST that she eats it.

She’s not dumb or incapable but a lot of people think she is for some reason and I’m pretty sure that reason is her femininity. Snow white is a symbol of feminity she’s humble, a good housewife a pretty girl and is in love. Sadly a lot of people think that the only way to be a strong female character is by being a bad bitch, in the eyes of a lot of people women can only be strong if they actively shout that they are by showing off or exercising roles previously offered by men.

Similar thing happened with the Mario movie where they toned down Peach hyper feminine character to make her more badass and people were like « oh finaly they gave her a character »

Hyper feminine characters aren’t less strong because of their hyperfeminity…..

Anyway that my little rambling and I take this occasion to remind people TO NOT watch the live action remake because of Gal Gadot’s presence importantly. Gal gadot is a proud zionist, idf soldier and was introduced in hollywood with intention of propaganda. + they used cgi instead of hiring real actors for the dwarfs and Disney suck ass. Watch Mirror mirror instead:

[thefangirlfever]

I needed to make a post about this because...well, the title says everything.

First of all I would like to say that I'm feeling a bit anxious sharing my thoughts about this. I don't know if I'm the most qualified to talk about this but it has been bugging me.

I know a lot of people have already discussed the way Miguel, a POC and a latino man out of all people, has been oversexualized to a point that it feels fetishy and a bit concerning sometimes. I think we can all acknowledge this and that already gives us a lot to think about.

But what I think is really interesting is that not only is Miguel an intentional thirst-trap, he is a thirst-trap created mainly by a team of male producers/ writers. From what I read, the people in charge of his character design were men (I want to say that I am by no mean attacking anyone who worked on this movie. They did an amazing job and I am just sharing my thoughts, not saying they are bad people for this choise or anything. Thank you).

And I find this very telling. Because when I first saw this headline, I thought "Oh finally, women have been given the chance to freely thirst over a male character the same way men do." And I think it was a big mistake from me to think this way. (First of all, there are also men and non-binary simping over him). Because, let's be real for one second there, do we really want to thirst over characters the way men do? I have been an anime fan for years and let me tell you, the way a lot of men/ fanboys view female characters is simply gross (I know, I know, not all men). It's also something I noticed in comics and video games. Like, have you seen the outrage when a video game studio wants to propose female characters who do not look like what some p*rn addicts imagines women are?

My point is that Miguel has been created not with the female gaze in mind, but with the male gaze (and it hurts to say this). That's what I got from reading the part of the interview. The emphasis on his butt, the overly masculine, muscular body... Miguel was created not by following what women like in men but by what men imagine that women like in men.

This is also something we can see a lot in various medias over the last years, especially in the romance genre. The way some "desirable" men are depicted do not fit what women seek in a partner but what men imagine women want (ofc every woman has different criteria when it comes to this). I think it's very blatant when you compare medias written by and for women like Shonda Rhimes's shows, Bridgerton, Outlander... and medias written by men. So, in the end, I think that Miguel has been created with that in mind "Let's make a big, tall, dark and broody, muscular matcho man. That's what the female public wants." (ofc it's never as simple as that but you get the idea).

So... does this mean that it's bad to simp/ thirst over this character? Surprisingly I'm going to say no and I even think that it's important that the women in this fandom keep making content around Miguel! Because when we write fanfictions, draw fanarts of him... we are now picturing him with a real female gaze and that's what brings even more complexity and depth to this character.

I have seen so many interpretations of this character since I joined this fandom and a lot of them were really cool/ beautiful, showing just how much people love this character. When you think about it, it's crazy that a character who only got 15 minutes of screen time can have such a strong effect on a fandom, meaning that he is more than just a thirst trap. I genuinely think that the content created by the fans gives this character his humanity back (because, yes, being sexualized to no end deshumanizes a person. Go argue with a wall, thank you very much). I've seen so many tender, soft but also funny depictions of him making him more than just some ass shots on the big screen. And even on the NSFW corner of the fandom, some people out there are really making him more than just this "feral beast" that we have been sold by giving him back his tenderness, his sensuality...

So, yeah, take this headline with care and think what you want of it. Those were just my thoughts. Feel free to disagree, tell me if I got something wrong or just leave your thoughts under this post because I'm genuinely curious of seeing other fan's opinions. I apologize for the mess of this take.

And now I'm going back to sleep.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Gorgeous -Pedri González

Guess who's back with more Vzlan! Reader fics?! Ajá, yo🤭😌 Also... Influencer!Reader

Warnings: High content of Venezuelan slang, curse words, some jokes (?) or mentions of them because I can't joke to save my life, lots of Spanish.

Please, feedback is highly appreciated!

Summary: The guys made him know you but your warm aura and way of being was the one to make him fall for you

You. Y/N Y/L/N. A pretty much famous Latina influencer. You kinda went all in, a lot of people followed you because, you liked sports and health, often gave outfit and makeup tips, travelled and the one you loved to do the most was photographic art, also you didn't had the need of being another persona in front of the cameras. You were exactly the same in and out.

And you guess the realistic side of you, the natural, humble but still strong and pretty girl you are, was the thing that attracted people the most to you.

Including, the football player Ansu Fati.

The young man had started following you back in 2020, when you moved to Barcelona and it was for a simple mistake he turned being your fan, he had bumped into one of your posts about this healthy recipe and asked his mom to try it out for him. When he grabbed a bite he fell in love with it and started following you for more recipes but at the end of the day, he fell into your "fandom" because of your natural personality.

You never tried, you were just you.

So when one day he was wheezing, laughing and crying when training was done, his teammates were a bit concerned about what had possesed him.

"Hostias, ¿Y a ti qué te pasa, tio?" Pedri had asked as Ansu kept on laughing, when Balde went behind him and saw his phone, the image of you in a podcast with your other three friends laughing your asses off, made sense to the other guy who nodded letting out a simple 'Ah!'

"What's up with him?" Ferran asked

"He's watching another video of Y/N Y/L/N" Balde joined him "When did she posted this one?" Balde, along with Pablo Torre, Eric and Ansu were big fans of yours thanks to the last one influence

"It's not hers" He managed to say "It's from these guys who she hangs around with always"

"You mean "Los Bichos"?" Pablo Torre asked getting behind them to see the content as well "I gotta go and see that one"

"What's the big thing about her?" Pedri suddenly asked. He had heard your name before and knew you were an influencer but never really saw one of your videos or really followed you on Instagram or any other social media. The guys looked at him as if he was crazy, not really believing what their friend had just said.

"She's amazing" Ansu answered "She gives good tips on health, fashion, she also does travelling and photography and she likes sports. Her carisma is what attracts people in"

"Not to mention the looks" Torre murmured "Hermosa" He blew a kiss towards Ansu's phone

"Aurora is basically in love with her, always having one of her lives, videos, podcasts or anything"

"Sira's the same" Ferran nodded "I have seen her, she's quite the jokester too"

Suddenly all of them were watching Ansu's phone

"Well, she indeed is really pretty" Gavi agreeded

"Sad that she may not be like we see her on real life tho" Pedri shrugged his shoulders

"No, she is" Torre nodded "One of my girl friends has met her and she says she's the sweetest"

Pedri could only see your smile and the way you threw your head back in laughter, amazed, you were beautiful. He wasn't going to deny it, he had eyes, big ones in fact, and he could see the beauty of women.

"How old is she?" Gavi asked

"She just turned twenty" Eric said

"What did you say her name was?"

"Y/N Y/L/N" He nodded pretending not to be interested

That very same night, Pedri was fighting himself to watch some of your content on Instagram and Youtube, he didn't know what was he afraid of, he was just going to see what's the fuss of the guys, nothing else.

But oh boy...

One video, turned into two, then three, four, five, six and by the time he realized it was 2:30 am, his battery that used to be on 87% was now in 4% and thirty videos he had watched

"Hostia, mae'mia" The Canarian murmured "It's really late" He considered plugging his phone and stop seeing your videos but the longer he kept thinking of it, the less he wanted to let go of his phone, he wanted to see your smile one more time, your laugh and your pretty big eyes, you indeed were really sweet in and out of cameras.

He had now seen the thing the guys had seen in you too. He decided to push the Follow button on your Instagram account and also decided to see the last Live you have done recently which was three days ago.

"¿Por qué no hablas español?" (Why don't you talk Spanish?) You had read confused "¿Y es que yo hablo chino?" (And do I speak Chinese?) You laughed lightly "I think I get what you mean, it's the accent, right?" You stopped for a second to drink some water "Well, déjame decirte chama que mi acento venezolano es demasiado bello pa' yo cambiarlo. I don't mean to say the Spanish accent isn't pretty, because it really is, I like it. It's just not my style because I'm obviously not a Spaniard" (let me tell you, girl, that my Venezuelan accent is too beautiful for me to change it) You paused a little

"Sí, que se me puede salir un poquillo el vosotros y algunas cosillas que hacéis" (Yes, I can get out a little about and some things that you guys do) You did a perfect Spanish accent laughing "Pero, no" You spoke naturally shaking your head (But no)

He smiled watching you and your Latina roots, defending and wearing them proudly.

That was only the start of Pedri crushing on you. The next following weeks, he had not missed a single Live, Vlog or post that you did. Soon the guys knew Pedri had developed a crush on you when Gavi spied on his phone and saw him looking a post about a photoshoot you had done for Vogue España

"You like her?" Eric asked

"She's really nice" He had nodded blushing

"But you like her?"

"She is nice" Pedri repeated "She probably doesn't know me"

"C'mon, the girl loves sports, she's actually a Barca fan!!" Ansu replied as Pedri smiled shaking his head

"It's just a mere crush, it'll go away in a while" He said and everyone dropped the subject.

"¡Hola mis amores lindos!" (Hello my beautiful loves!) You smiled at the camera "Yo estoy bien y espero que ustedes se encuentren muy bien también y si no pues espero que este mensaje les anime un poquito... Les hablo para notificarles que como cosa rara" (I'm fine and I hope you're feeling very well too and if not, then I hope this message encourages you a little... I'm speaking to notify you that as a strange thing) You laughed lightly "Mis chicos de "Los Bichos" me han invitado nuevamente a ser parte de uno de sus magnificos episodios de su podcast, el episodio va a ser en vivo, podremos contestarles algunas de sus preguntas, mandar saludos, revelaré unas pocas cosas que se vienen en grande y bueno, las demás vainas que los chicos hacen, ustedes ya saben como es la cuestión así que sin más nada que decir los espero este jueves a las 21hrs de España. Les mando un besote bien grande y un abrazo muy cálido. Take care!" (My boys from "Los Bichos" have invited me again to be part of one of their magnificent episodes of their podcast, the episode will be live, we will be able to answer some of your questions, send greetings, I will reveal a few things that are coming Big and good, the rest of the things that the boys do, you already know what the matter is, so without further ado, I'll wait for you this Thursday at 9:00 p.m. in Spain. I send you a big kiss and a very warm hug)

It was set. He cleared up his whole agenda, just to have Thursday night free all to himself... And well, to Fer as well.

"Why are you so suddenly obsessed with that girl?" Fer asked as Pedri got ready to watch your Live, he had connected his laptop to his TV and his phone besides him "You've been a month and something suddenly Y/N this and Y/N that"

"She's good" Pedri shrugged his shoulders

"You like her?"

"Puff, no" When Pedri turned around to see his brothers face he knew he couldn't lie "Maybe a little?" Fer raised his eyebrows

"I'm not gonna make fun of you" Pedri sighed

"Okay, she's gorgeous and I like her" Pedri admitted

"She seems really nice"

"Torre says he has a friend that has met her and that she's the sweetest" Pedri replied "I kinda want to meet her"

"Slide into her DM's and say: Hey, big fan. Wanna go out?" Pedri laughed

"Sure, she will say yes quickly" Both brothers laughed as the Podcast started.

"Welcome to another episode of Los Bichos, today we'll be talking a bit of everything but mostly about our love humiliations or just humiliating thing that has happened to us in general"

"And who's better to say that than Y/N Y/L/N?" Other guy said presenting you

"My life isn't that bad, Adrián" You replied smiling "Worse than Miguel's can't be, that's for sure" You point with your lips to the guy sitting in front of you as he shocked points at himself and laughs in disbelief

"Well, she's got a point" The first guy talked

"Nelson talks as if he has the greatest life ever" Miguel said pointing to the first guy with his head

"I don't actually but everyone's life is better than yours, pendejo" You all laughed out loud "Ve, ¿Y tú aquí haciendo algún tipo de propaganda?" (Look, are you here doing some kind of propaganda?) You shook your head

"¿Por qué dices eso?" (Why you say that?) You ask

"The big Barcelona jersey you have on" You look down and smile

"Mano, no; I'm not doing anything. Si supieras que el Barcelona me había enviado un email hace como tres semanas y yo nunca les respondí" (If you know, the Barcelona sent me an email three weeks ago and I never answered them)They laughed "Saben que yo soy fan del club y me hicieron una camisa con mi nombre y el número de mi jugador favorito" (They know I'm fan of the club and they made me this Jersey with my name and the number of my favorite player) You casually replied not thinking too much of it

"Which is?"

"Un jugador" You smirked playing with your golden bracelete, they started yelling a few "A"'s "B, C y D" They laughed "¿Tú creíste que yo iba a ser mongola para caer en esa vaina? No, señor" (Did you thought I was going to be a fool and fell into the trap? No, sir) You shook your head smiling "¡Maldición! I forgot this is live!" (Shit) You yelled "How are you guys doing?" You ask winning a round of laughter with the guys

"We're starting here... Y/N, care to tell us something humiliant that has happened to you?"

"My whole life" You replied as they laughed "No, kidding. Once I had something going on with this guy, it was December and..."

If Pedri liked you, by the end of that live he was most likely in love with you. You were simple and very funny, your sense of humour was the thing that ended up pulling him into you.

He honestly felt like a fan of his but with you. It was terrifying as hell.

"Ad, ¿Si vas a hacer por fin el stand up comedy show?" You asked

"Yes, I will be doing it" Adrián nodded "Why?"

"I wanna go" You pout a bit

"You're invited, don't worry"

"Remember everyone when is it" Nelson said

"This Sunday at 20hrs in the Batuar Hotel Cotton House, make sure to get the tickets as soon as possible they're almost sold out"

"We need those" Pedri said immediately grabbing his phone and getting on the app "¡Hostias, joder! It's too slow"

"Calm down, we'll get one"

After fifteen painful minutes when Pedri was about to finish the purchase, his screen filled out with the No Availabe words

"This event is sold out"

"¡Puta que le parió!" Pedri exclaimed feeling sad

"It's okay bro. She's here in Barcelona, we can see her any other day" Pedri sighed

"I really wanted to see her this Sunday"

"Maybe not this Sunday, but eventually you will" Pedri sighed in annoyance

"Anyway, let's finish watching this" He murmured his eyes on the screen.

His eyes fixated on the Barca home jersey you were wearing and the words my favorite player's number, he wondered... It could be his? Also... You looked incredibly good with the club of his dreams, he couldn't help but imagine you on the stands cheering on for him when suddenly he got himself out of that dreamland. He was really starting to seem like his fans who daydreamed about him.

His mood was down a bit Friday and Saturday when they were at training and Ansu came up to them

"I hope all of you are free tomorrow"

"Why?" Gavi asked as Ansu pulled out six tickets

"We're going to see Adrián Jiménez's live show were Y/N will be present"

Pedri quickly ran and grabbed a ticket, his mood lifted up completely, he grabbed Ansu's head and kissed him

"Thanks, amigo"

"Thanks, nothing. I will be your best man at the wedding"

...

Sunday rolled in and Pedri was nervous and excited, he would be in the same place as you, hopefully met you and make himself fall in love with you once again. You just had a thing that drew him into you and he liked it. Your Latina beauty keeping him on his feet everytime, you way of expressing yourself, your carisma, everything he saw from you, he liked it.

Thanks to Eric, they were a bit late, fifteen minutes late, the show had already started as they were looking for their table, thanfully everyone was into Adrián, they didn't recognized the six football players coming in, everyone but you.

You were surprised seeing them here, you didn't know they were fans of Adrián or the rest of the guys, but you were even more surprised when three of them sat in your table, you greeted them with a little "Buenas noches" and a warm smile, Pedri who was besides you smiled widely at hearing your voice

"Ferran Torres"

"Pablo Torre"

"Pedri"

You smile lightly "Y/N Y/L/N"

"Chica, deja de estar chanceando" (Girl, stop joking around) Pedri saw you lift your hands a bit surprised being scolded by your friend

"¡Pero no estoy chanceando!" (I'm not joking around!) You exclaimed a little

"¿Ah no?" He shook his head "What are you doing?"

"Greeting my tablemates" The place laughed at your face "¡Y si lo estuviese no es tú peo, mano!" (And if I were, it's not your deal, man!)

"Oye, mira tú-"

"¡'Tas en medio de un show, sigue hablando de como dejaste caer el telefono en el baño de la estación del metro!" (You're in the middle of a show, keep talking about how you dropped the phone in the subway station bathroom!)

"Verga y lo más arrecho es que lo tenía que usar urgente" (Fuck and the most awful thing is that I had to use it urgently) His words made the whole place laugh "You were with me that day"

"I definitely wasn't"

"¿Cómo que no estabas pero sabes lo que pasó?" (How come you weren't there but do you know what happened?)

"You texted it in the groupchat, tonto"

"Shit, I always do that, I eat and I pass pics, I shit and I pass pics, I walk and I pass pics, I play FIFA and I pass pics... I need to stop doing that"

"Please don't" You asked laughing "Me acuerdo aquel día que estabamos todos haciendo una videollamada, tú fuiste a hacerte una merienda y te ha salido una tarántula en uno de los empaques" (I remember that day we were all making a video call, you went to make yourself a snack and a tarantula came out in one of the packages)

"MOVING ON!" Laughter filled the room.

Besides your greeting and you apologising for your friend's craziness, you never spoke with any other of the guys just small smiles when the even was done you said your goodbyes to them and went to Adrián, Pedri sighed having lost his chance to talk to you

"C'mon, man. You let her go"

"I just couldn't do it... I don't know what happened"

"You'll have another chance, bro" Gavi patted Pedri's back smiling tightly at him "She was watching you too" The youngster smirked making Pedri shake his head

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, guys. Ya vuelvo" (I'll be back) And with that Pedri left them.

He splashed water on his face and cleaned his hands, slightly disappointed in the fact he didn't do anything else to talk to you. He shook his head

"Quizás no es hora" (Maybe it's not time) He murmured looking at his mirror reflection before leaving the bathroom.

It was like a destiny thing.

You were in front of him and seemed a bit lost, looking around with a confused face.

"¿Todo bien?" (Everything alright?) A male's voice pulled you out of your thoughts, turning around to meet the owner's voice

"Sí, todo bien. Sólo que, no tengo ni la menor idea de dónde puede estar la salida de este lugar" (Yes, everything's good. It's just, I don't have a single clue on where the exit of this place can be) You admitted "El muy..." You moved your moth but no sound came out "puto de Adrián me dejó por un chance que le salió, se fue así sin decir nada y..." (The... fucker of Adrián left me for a date he got, he left without saying anything and...) You sighed "I'm kinda lost in this big place" You smiled shyly "What about you?"

"Bathroom" You nod letting out a little 'Oh!' "Want me to help you?" Your eyebrows went up for a bit "I'm not an incredibly knowner of the place, I've come here twice... Maybe walk you to your car?" You smile shaking your head

"I would take up on your offer but I also don't have anyone to take me home, my car broke down yesterday, Adrián offered me the ride and you are probably busy or just want to have the rest of the night off, so I wouldn't like for you to ditch your plans to spend it glued to me because I was left alone" You smiled as he shook his head

"It wouldn't be a problem for me" Pedri said "I would love to help you, I can give you a ride if you like" He smiled softly "Venga, vamos" He offered your his arm "Maybe you can tell me about more of those healthy recipes? Or talk to me in Venezuelan slang?" You both laughed

"There are too many recipes I can share with my Venezuelan accent but we would need more time for that than a single ride" You accepted his arm watching him smirk

You looked at him smiling lightly "Then how about we can go for a coffee next time?"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[zombie-bait]

Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

[creatingblackcharacters]

Waddling on over with some thoughts I've had for the past few weeks. I like watching Kennie JD cuz she sometimes explains experiences of black people (especially black women) and one thing she pointed out was how a lot of black women (especially darker skinned black women) are given the narrative that they're meant to stay with toxic, abusive men because 'No one will love you, this is the best you'll get, it's up to you to accept and fix him because it's your duty as his partner'. In a lot of black romance media (from what I observed via Kennie JD) the woman sticks with an equally if not more toxic partner who she feels like she has to fix or that is "a challenge"

I realized that while writing Xingshen I accidentally made her a bit of a subversion. What I mean by that is she did have past lovers who turned out to be Not The Best, but each time rather than sticking around and feeding into them she left (though there would be times, as with all toxic exes, they tried to pull her back in).

By the time Xingshen's wife starts going along with a dangerous plan that would not only put them at risk but their twin son and daughter, Xingshen knows the signs and decides she's not doing this. She'd first tried in vain to get her wife to see reason, but she eventually decided she wasn't going to let her children be caught in the crossfire. She packed up her things, gathered the twins, and left without a glance back.

The first lover in particular was definitely one of those "You need to not be so hostile all the time" types when in reality Xingshen was only putting her mental health and well-being first, so it's a good character growth moment to see her make the decision to walk out early with her children without sticking around for the fall out and in the process deciding that she deserved better.

I could be talking out of my ass, but I hope this counts as a good example of subverting that black women HAVE to be stuck in shitty relationships if they're allowed by the writers to be in one at all.

Well, I appreciate you taking the time to pay attention to this, even if it was an accident! The concept of "Struggle love" is what you're talking about. It's not specifically a "Black" issue (it's a misogyny issue), but it intersects with and manifests differently via Blackness. It's a toxic cycle that keeps Black women from valuing themselves as anything other than the exhausting Strong Black Woman, the Caregiver, while also demeaning her for not being "submissive" (i.e., not threatening to her partner) and "feminine" enough to keep her Black man from feeling less than due to the oppressive world outside. If she can't fulfill this multi-oppressive, conflicting role, she's not a "true woman".

In your case, it's not one to one because Xingshen once had a wife, but I'm just explaining that's usually the root cause of what your YouTuber was discussing. I'm oversimplifying this for the sake of this ask, but yeah it's... Perpetually frustrating. So I'm glad you saw the value in Xingshen realizing her own value, packing her kids, and leaving 👍🏾 I'll always root for Black girls and women that know when it's okay to choose themselves.

[demigodsanswer]

Twice Upon A Pointe: 12/13 Coda

Coda: the concluding section of a ballet, especially the final part of a pas de deux.

Percy heard footsteps behind him, and he tried to wipe his eyes as quickly as he could. 

“Hey,” he said, trying to play it casual. 

“I thought I’d come see if you were okay,” Frank said. He sat next to Percy. “Hazel is holding back the small army of people hoping to be the first one to offer you comfort,” he said. “I’m sorry. About Annabeth.” 

Percy just nodded, swallowing his sadness as best he could. “Yeah, it sucks,” was all he managed to say. 

Frank just held open his arms. “Want a hug?” He offered. 

Percy nodded, and Frank pulled him in tight. Percy's voice broke as he finally confessed, “I think I love her.” 

“I know,” Frank said. “It’s so hard. Last year, when I thought Hazel was going to stay in New York with Alvin Ailey … it almost killed me.” 

Percy pulled back, letting Frank out of the hug. “Would you have ever forgiven her if she had stayed?” 

Frank nodded. “If it’s what she wanted, I’d never have been able to stay mad at her. Annabeth won’t hate you either.” Percy just stared at the ground and shook his head. “And if it hurts this bad to leave her behind, maybe Miami isn’t the right spot.” 

“It is,” Percy said, “everything about here feels good, and I want that contract, it’s just … she’s something else. I’ll always have my family if I’m here, even if they’re far away. I was ready to move away from them at eighteen if I needed to. But Annabeth …” 

“I get it. Girls like her and Hazel are special,” Frank said. 

“Would you do it? Go to another company if it meant losing Hazel?” Percy asked. 

Frank shrugged. “They’d need to offer me everything I’d ever wanted.” 

Percy stared out towards the road, where Annabeth had left. “Lupa just did.” 

“Maybe not everything,” Frank suggested. “C’mon, let Hazel and me take you out for a drink. We’ll hide you from everyone hoping to offer you comfort. You can talk this through with us, or we can take your mind off it, whatever you need.” 

Percy accepted Frank's offer. 

~

When Frank went to the bar to get their third round, Percy turned to Hazel. 

“Do you ever regret staying in Miami?” He asked. 

She took a deep breath. “I wonder a lot what my life would be like if I stayed in New York. It will always be a huge what if. But I trained her. I worked my ass off to get here. I earned my promotion and Swan Lake.” 

“And Frank?” Percy asked. 

“He told me to stay with Alvin Ailey, if it made me happy,” she said. Hazel reached a hand across the sticky bar table, and Percy took it. “Annabeth thinks she’s doing something kind. And she is. I know how much that conversation hurts to have, trust me. But you cannot let her be part of this decision. It’s your career. If you make a choice just for her, you’ll only resent her if it turns out to not be what you wanted.” 

“But Jason and Reyna --” 

“Are best friends. They still talk. She’s not mad at him. She’s pissed as hell that Lupa isn’t hiring a taller dancer, but she’s not mad at Jason,” Hazel promised. “Just … make your decision, and then work it out with Annabeth, okay? She won’t stay mad at you forever.” 

~ 

The strong drinks at Calypso’s with Frank and Hazel hadn’t helped him make up his mind at all. Or, rather, his mind hadn’t changed from it has to be Miami. He just hadn’t figured out how to cope with losing Annabeth. 

He’d called his mom the next morning, trying to sound as excited as possible. She tried to match the tone, but it seemed like the idea of him moving to Miami did nothing but hurt two of the three most important women in his life. 

“Estelle will be happy for you,” his mom assured him, “she’ll get the bigger bedroom now.” They both forced a laugh. 

There were no more performances or classes to take at Miami, just one last free day to see the city. 

Rachel took him out to brunch, and Percy sipped on black coffee, nursing a headache and remembering why he didn’t like to drink too much. 

“She really just ended it?” Rachel asked. 

Percy nodded. “I get that long distance is hard, and we were barely together before I came here but …” 

“You would have been willing to try it?” Rachel finished for him. 

Percy picked at his eggs. “Yeah. For her? Absolutely.” 

Rachel flagged down the waiter and ordered them two mimosas. Percy only managed a few sips, before he slid it to Rachel for her to finish. 

“And you wouldn’t stay in New York?” Rachel asked. 

Percy shrugged. “That’s what I told her. I don’t know … maybe it would be different if New York’s offer was real, but it isn’t. It’s just something Annabeth thought would happen.”

“It’s your career, Percy. She shouldn’t be mad at you for making the necessary choices for it,” Rachel said. 

“I don’t think she’s mad at me. I think she wants me to be happy. It’s just that if I’m happy here then I can’t be happy with her,” Percy said. 

I’m deciding for you, she’d said, removing herself from Percy’s choice so that he could pick his career without her messing things up. She wouldn’t let him choose her over his career, even if it meant both of them leaving heartbroken. Annabeth was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ll ruin it, she’d warned him. And before they could ruin everything together, she’d run off and done it herself. He wanted to be angry at her, or find some cold, uncaring words to say about her, but all he could think about were her gray eyes, resolute and sure, even as she started to cry. 

“Maybe you give her too much credit,” Rachel suggested. “Maybe it is better this way.” 

Percy couldn’t agree. He just slouched back in his chair, one hand over his eyes to block out the light. 

By sunset he was ready to be alone. His friends in Miami had taken him out to dinner -- one last round of shots at Calypso’s. Reyna noticed the sick look on his face when the waitress set down the tray of silver tequila. She took his shot from him and dumped it into her margarita, before filling his shot glass back up with water. 

“Thanks,” Percy muttered. 

The group was going to stick around after dinner for more drinks and maybe a trip to a karaoke bar, but Percy decided to just go home. He had an early flight. He left them all with a big hug, and they toasted to their newest company member. 

He went back to his AirBNB, packed everything he’d brought with him, and did his best to get some sleep. 

He was leaving Miami with everything he’d ever wanted. And he’d never felt worse. 

~ 

His plane left early in the morning, and by noon he was in his apartment again. Stella was at school, his parents at work. He’d be alone until nearly four at least. He dropped his suitcase in his room, not bothering to unpack it, before flopping down on the couch, not even moving to turn on the TV. 

NYCB Spring season rehearsals started the next day. Two weeks of A Midsummer Night's Dream opened the season. Another full length ballet. He’d looked over his schedule on the plane. He had been slotted to learn Lysander, Demetrius, Puck, and Theseus. Percy knew he would likely only be cast in one, maybe two, of the roles. He’d only had corps and minor soloist roles in Midsummer before. He almost felt something like hope to see he’d been slotted to learn more principal roles. He’d have to remember to ask Paul about the plot and the four men he’d been slotted to learn. No way was he reading a Shakespeare play by tomorrow. 

And then he remembered it didn’t matter what roles he got. He was only with New York for one more season anyway. 

 He closed his eyes, trying to let his mind settle. He had a dull headache from the plane, two days of “goodbye for now” drinks, and the stress of not crying over a girl who’d never even officially been his girlfriend. 

The universe didn’t want him to have a moment of peace though. His phone buzzed. 

Chiron Brunner. 

Chiron hardly ever called from his personal number, or called at all. Here we go, Percy though. 

“Hello?” He said. 

“Percy, are you back in New York?” 

“Yeah, I just got home,” he said. 

“Great, do you think you could pop down to my office?” 

“When?” 

“As soon as you can.” 

~ 

Percy took two Advil and headed back down, catching the downtown 1 train to Lincoln Center right as the doors closed. 

The hallways were mostly empty, with most dancers enjoying their final day off. When Percy found Chiron’s office, the door was open. 

“There you are,” he said. “Come in, Percy.” 

Percy shut the door behind him. He suddenly felt seventeen again, just a student waiting to find out his future from the man who held it in his hands. But, Percy reminded himself, you know your future. 

He nervously glanced around the room. Chiron had fewer photos of himself up on the walls than Lupa did of herself; mostly he had pictures from the last fifteen years of dancers he’d directed in the company. Percy spotted one of Annabeth and Beckendorf, only nineteen and twenty-one, dancing the Romeo and Juliet Chiron had choreographed himself. Next to it was a new photo. It was him and Annabeth in that same Sleeping Beauty fish dive. 

“I never thought I’d make it onto the wall,” Percy said. 

Chiron smiled. “I’m not surprised. It’s a tribute to my greatest achievements,” he said. “Your Sleeping Beauty was certainly one of them.” 

Percy spotted a third photo of Annabeth. She looked so young; she was in the green Sugar Plum tutu, and Lee Fletcher was her cavalier. He wondered if it was from that very first performance she’d told him about. 

“Annabeth is in a lot of them,” Percy said. 

“Yes, of course,” Chiron said. Percy felt Chiron’s suspicious gaze on him. “Should she not be?” He asked. But to Percy it sounded like Has Lupa already gotten the better of you? 

“Of course she should be up there,” Percy clarified. He pointed to the picture of him and Annabeth in Sleeping Beauty. “You know, Lupa has a picture of the two of you in the same pose in her office?” 

Chiron smiled. “Believe it or not, we used to work very well together,” he said. “Mr. B paired us together himself.” It was always surreal to Percy to hear how casually Chiron talked about Balanchine. In Percy’s mind, the man was a legend, a god. But to Chiron it was just Mr. B, as familiar to him as Percy was with Chiron. 

Percy thought about asking what happened between him and Lupa, but Chiron gestured for him to sit down. Percy did. 

“When I decided to offer Jason Grace a contract, I called Lupa ahead of time, as a courtesy,” he started. Percy’s heart beat faster. “She did the same for me. I wasn’t surprised that she saw you were ready to be a principal. I’ve seen the same thing in you since Sleeping Beauty rehearsals started.” 

Percy’s mouth hung open slightly, but he couldn’t find any words, or even move his body. 

“Her offer made it easier for me to put pressure on the board to finalize your new contract. The pay should be competitive with anything Lupa is willing to offer you, but if it’s an issue, we may be able to negotiate something higher.” 

Chiron slid a manila folder across his desk to Percy. He opened it. The pages inside were fastened to the top, holding the contract in place. Percy’s dyslexia made some of the words swirl, but he managed to focus his eyes on the most important ones. Chiron had taken the liberty of highlighting them in yellow for him. New York City Ballet. Percy Jackson. Rank: Principal. 

“I hope you’ll consider both offers carefully,” Chiron said. And then, he spoke more warmly, less all-business. “You should know, this has been long in the works, since well before you went to Miami. I always believed you were capable of making it this far, Percy, it was just a matter of …” 

“Of what?” Percy asked. “This happened the last time, too. When I got into Miami as a teenager, my apprenticeship materialized. Why now? Why again?” 

Chiron nodded. “I understand this might be confusing. I apologize for the strange parallel circumstances. When you were seventeen, you had so much promise. But it was untested. You didn’t have as much training as everyone else, but that didn’t hold you back on a technical level. But it always held you back mentally. I wasn’t sure how reliable you could be, or if you’d have the mental strength to sustain yourself in a company. That extra year at SAB, and the experience you gained in auditions, it changed something in you. You had always been so willing to hide in the background, so unsure of your own talent. But once you were really tested, I started to see the dancer you would be. That apprenticeship contract was all but guaranteed halfway through your final year in the school. In less than a year, you had truly come into your own as a young dancer. 

“And then in the company, you were reliable. Stable. Strong. But you started to see yourself as an understudy, and nothing more. You started to slip into the corps, into the shadows. You were always talented, but I never knew if you were really ready to step up. You proved yourself reliable and adaptable in Opus. You had a star power to you that first night. You were no one’s understudy. You could take a role and make it your own, you could be adaptable, moving into roles on short notice, and dance them as if you’d rehearsed for weeks. You were the ideal soloist. 

“But a soloist isn’t a principal. You were adaptable and strong, but you didn't have that confidence. The Sleeping Beauty turned out to be the perfect test. When Beckendorf went out, it became clear early on that you were the perfect fit to replace him. But I was worried you’d only think of yourself as his replacement. If you did think that way, it didn’t show in your dancing. From that first rehearsal to the final bow, you were clean, confident, and everyone could tell Annabeth trusted you one hundred percent. After that first show, I started working on your principal contract. But, these things take time. And Lupa was there for those first few shows. To see Jason, I thought. But she and I have always had the same eye for dancers. She must have seen you and known you were ready. And she tried to steal you out from under us.” 

“The same eye for dancers,” Percy repeated. He doubted Lupa felt that way. “That’s what you said when you gave me my apprenticeship.” 

“Hmm,” Chiron hummed, “it remains true.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the desk. “I wouldn’t give you this contract if I didn’t think you were ready, or if I didn’t think you’d earned it. If I thought Miami was giving you the better offer, or if I thought that was the right place for you to dance, I would encourage you to go. But I’m not. You’re a talented dancer Percy, and you should stay in New York.” 

“You said that the last time too,” Percy said. 

“That’s still true too,” Chiron said. “If you do choose Miami, you will always be welcomed back here with open arms. There won’t be bad blood. But think on it carefully.” 

“Would you be offering me this if Luke Castellan hadn’t been fired?” Percy asked. 

Chiron raised a curious eyebrow at him; the public narrative had been that Luke retired. Percy’s verb choice told Chiron I know what he did to Annabeth. But Chiron didn’t dwell on it. 

“You are not Luke Castellan's replacement. Jason Grace was Luke’s replacement. They have a similar look, they’re the same height. Firing Luke freed up the money to offer Jason a contract. You are not the replacement for him.” He paused. “You are no one’s replacement. You, Percy Jackson, are completely singular. And if you’re going to be a successful principal, I need you to start thinking of yourself as such.” 

Percy looked down at the contract, and thought about what Chiron had said. He had spent almost a year working for Luke’s position. So many men in the company were fighting for it. But it had already been filled. So his contract … he ran his fingers over the brass fastener at the top of the pages, leaving smudged fingerprints behind. 

Miami had made space for him. They wanted him in the company. It had been so easy to imagine taking that offer when he thought New York never would. 

I don’t think it would make a difference, he remembered himself saying to Annabeth. Percy closed his eyes. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference if the contract had materialized only out of Chiron’s desire to spite Lupa. But it hadn’t. Annabeth had been right. They were going to make him a principal for his dancing in Sleeping Beauty. And Percy had been wrong. This contract did make a difference. It at least mattered in his decision making. He felt the world shift as his decision became much less easy to make.   

Percy summoned his confidence and said: “If I stay, I want to do Tarantella.” 

Chiron almost laughed. “That sounds like a fair request. I can make it happen. Lupa will probably demand some kind of compensation for stealing her program lineup, though. Ms. McLean has already demanded Slaughter be part of her contract.” 

Percy smiled when he realized what Chiron was implying. He and Piper were being promoted. 

“Annabeth is never wrong,” Percy said under his breath, but Chiron heard him.

“In all my years of knowing her, I’ve only ever known Annabeth to be wrong about one big thing. And even then … It wasn't her fault.” Chiron almost sounded guilty, like he knew he could have done more to protect her. The room got quiet, then, and Chiron’s gaze turned towards the photos on the wall. Chiron smiled. 

Percy followed Chiron’s gaze, and looked at the photo of him and Annabeth on his wall. They were two of Chiron’s greatest achievements. Percy couldn’t help but smile too.   

“When do I need to make a decision?” Percy asked. 

“Well, it depends on Miami’s timeline, but your contract with us expires at the end of Spring. So, by then, I suppose,” Chiron said. “Now, go get some rest. You’ve had a long month, and I don’t want you getting injured.” 

Percy nodded, took the folder, and headed out of the office. 

~

Percy stared at the folder in his hand, worried it might just disappear if he took his eyes off of it for one moment. Miami wanted him. They’d always seen something in him that Chiron has hesitated on. They wanted to make him a principal on only a few minutes of dancing alone. But New York … 

He thought of his future again -- him in Miami, running things down there, far away from Annabeth, their affection for each other long-since soured. 

But he didn’t want to run Miami City Ballet, he reminded himself. He didn’t want to run New York City Ballet for that matter. Maybe he would even enjoy dancing in Miami for the rest of his career. Jason seemed to be enjoying his change. Maybe Percy could enjoy his. 

But maybe it didn��t matter where he danced. What mattered to him more was where he lived his life. 

What he held in his hand was the thing he’d really worked so hard for. This contract, with this company, in his city. He wanted to make a change for everyone else here too. He couldn’t do that from Miami. Sure, he could teach Miami kids, but he didn’t know Miami. He couldn’t teach a new generation of New York kids who never would have danced otherwise, the way Miss Hestia had. He couldn’t take his sister to dance class and introduce dozens of girls to ballet superstars like Annabeth. He couldn’t have dinner with his family. He’d have to leave his friends behind. 

He thought about Hazel, and how thoroughly she’d asked about New York last year. And then he thought about how happy she looked at Calypso’s. Everyone, even Hazel herself, seemed to attribute her staying to Lupa bribing her with a principal contract and Swan Lake. But maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe she didn’t make the choice because of Frank alone, but he wasn’t the only person in Miami she loved.

Percy looked at the subway tracks in front of him. A rat the size of a small cat was dragging a hot dog in its mouth down into the dark tunnel. He hadn’t seen that in Miami. He looked at that enormous rat and realized Lupa could never actually offer him everything. 

The folder was still in his hand. He flipped it open and read those key words again. New York City Ballet. Percy Jackson. Rank: Principal. 

“Yeah, okay,” he said to the rat, before turning away and running up the stairs to the other side of the subway stop as the downtown 1 train pulled in. 

~ 

Percy slipped into Annabeth’s building as someone was leaving. He had her apartment number, but it took some running up and down the halls to actually find the door. Finally, though, he found 415, and then double checked he hadn’t read the number wrong. She’d texted him the new address when she signed the lease three weeks ago, when they still expected him to come back from Miami as if nothing had changed. 

Everything had changed since then, but maybe it had finally changed for the better. 

He knocked. 

When Annabeth opened the door, she looked annoyed to see him, like him arriving at her apartment was interrupting her being mad at him. Still, her hand went to her hair, tucking back and smoothing out some front pieces, and tucking loose strands into the clip that held most of it at the back of her head. She was still in her pajamas -- just sweats and hoodie with the name of her dance school in Virginia -- and her glasses. 

Yeah, he thought admiring her, a smile already blooming on his face, she’s completely singular.  

“You don’t get to decide for me,” he said. 

She stepped aside and let him in. Her apartment still had a few boxes left to unpack, and only seemed half decorated. Her coffee table was covered in pointe shoes that she was in the middle of sewing; her TV was on, the volume low. When he turned to her, her arms were crossed, and she stood a good distance away from him, her face stern and solemn. 

“What’s left to decide, Percy? You’ve made your choice clear, and I’ve made mine,” she said. 

“Annabeth …” Percy said, taking a step closer. She stepped back. Percy held out the folder. If I go here, he tried to ask, will you follow? 

She reached forward, grabbing it out of his hand. “What is this?” 

“Look at it.” 

She flipped it open. Percy’s heart pounded as her eyes scanned over the words, before she finally lifted her head. She looked completely unsurprised.  

“Chiron finally offered it to you,” she said. Her face was unreadable, only the rapid rise and fall of her chest under her shirt gave Percy any kind of hope that it wasn’t too late.   

“Apparently it was in the works before I left,” he said. He was trying and failing to match her neutrality. He couldn’t help but smile. Everything he ever wanted was in New York, right in front of him. 

“I thought it didn’t matter,” she reminded him.  

Percy shrugged. “I was wrong. Of course it matters,” he said. He stepped closer to her, and she didn’t back away. 

“But what about Miami actually wanting you, appreciating you?” She asked. 

“I was wrong about that too. They do want me, and dancing there was great. But you were right. Chiron wouldn’t keep me out of spite. City Ballet does want me in their company. They do appreciate me. Chiron made space for me. And everything I have ever wanted is in New York,” Percy said, taking another step towards her. “Why would I ever give that up?” 

“Even if it’s just the stuff Luke left behind?” Annabeth asked. 

“Luke Castellan is an abusive asshole who got dumped and fired in the same week. It’s not stuff he left, it’s what he lost.” He rested a hand on her face. “I’m so sorry I said that to you. You were never what I meant. I promise, I won’t lose you.” 

Annabeth’s facade finally broke. She let herself smile, the faintest little whisper of hope, as her eyes filled with tears. 

“You’re staying in New York?” She asked, her voice quiet, a few tears escaping to trace lines down her cheeks. 

His hand was still resting on her face, and he used his thumb to brush away a tear. 

“Yes,” he said. 

“You promise?” She asked. He held up his pinky, and she almost laughed as she twisted hers around his.

“Yes,” he said again, “so, Annabeth Chase, can I please, please finally take you out to dinner?” 

She dropped the contract on her coffee table, her tears halting, before she tangled both of her hands in his hair. “Oh you can do so much more than that,” she said, before pulling him down into a kiss. 

Whatever invisible boundaries had been set up between them crumbled. There were no worries about Luke or Miami; everything that had held them back had gotten so, so small it was inconsequential. Percy pressed his hands into her back, the way he did in a pas de deux right before a lift. She took the familiar cue and jumped. He caught her, holding onto her thighs as she wrapped her legs around his hips. 

They moved together in perfect time, matching each other as though they were a single person. They didn’t need choreography or rehearsals for this dance; they already knew it. 

~ 

They’d dozed off. Percy had curled himself around Annabeth, not caring that he was mostly breathing through her hair. It smelled faintly of lemons and hairspray. The last time he’d been in her bed, he’d tried to stay far away from her, not rolling over or invading her space in the middle of the night. Now, he didn’t want to leave any space between them. One hand was pinned between his chest and her back, while the other reached over her, resting on the soft skin over her rib cage. Her breathing was soft, and her face peaceful and relaxed. He might never get off of her, he thought. She looked so beautiful. Something told him that if he’d seen this particular vision of her before he’d left for Miami, he wouldn’t have considered their offer for a single moment. 

His phone started to buzz somewhere, pulling him from his half-asleep cuddle. He carefully untangled himself from Annabeth, hoping he didn’t disrupt her sleep, as he slipped out of the bed. He found his phone in his pants pocket over by the bedroom door. He grabbed it, trying to pull on his underwear as he read the caller ID. 

Percy stepped out of Annabeth’s room, shutting the door quietly as he answered. “Hey Mom,” he said, trying to keep his voice casual. 

“Did you make it home?” She asked. “Did your flight get delayed?” 

He looked at the clock on Annabeth’s microwave. 5:00 pm. They’d been expecting him home. 

“Yeah, I’m back in the city. Sorry, I should have texted. I went to see Annabeth,” he explained. 

“Oh …” her voice got very sympathetic, “Percy I’m so sorry. I know how much you care for her.” 

Percy just smiled as he looked at his City Ballet contract on Annabeth’s coffee table. “It’s okay, Mom. We’re okay,” he promised. Much better than okay, but Sally didn’t need to know. “I’ll be home for dinner. Seven, you said?” 

“Yeah, your sister got you the most ridiculous cake I’ve ever seen.” Percy laughed. “If Annabeth is up for it, she’s always welcome,” Sally added. 

“I’ll offer,” he said. 

“Love you sweetie, I’ll see you soon,” Sally said. 

“Love you too, Mom,” Percy said, hanging up the phone. 

He walked back into Annabeth’s bedroom. She was still laying down, her bare body snuggled under the blankets, but her eyes were open. 

“Have you told her yet?” Annabeth asked. 

Percy shook his head. “No, I came straight here once I got it,” Annabeth smiled and sat up, letting the blankets fall away. Percy kept his eyes on her face to keep himself from saying something dumb like awooga. “You’re invited to dinner, though, if you’d like to help me surprise them.” 

“I’d love to,” she said, slid out of bed and slipped on her glasses. “I’ll start getting ready.” 

Before she could go into the bathroom, Percy grabbed her hand, and pulled her into another long, tender kiss. When they parted, Annabeth just smiled a wicked smile, and pulled him into the shower with her. 

~ 

Annabeth had slipped the contract into a tote bag for him with a bottle of fancy wine to make it look less suspicious. 

When they got to Percy’s front door, Annabeth let go of his hand. He turned to look at her as he pulled out his key, and saw she was near tears. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. 

She smiled, the sad look on her face disappearing. “Oh yeah,” she said. “You’re surprising them with the news, so I figured I should act like you’re still moving to Miami.” 

Percy leaned in and kissed her. “Alright, just let me know the plan next time so you don’t scare me.” 

 Annabeth gave him a thumbs up as she slipped back into her melancholy mask. 

Percy opened the door and announced to the apartment that they were there. Stella ran at him first. She gave him a big, tight hug, but didn’t say anything except: “Mom invited Miss Hestia.” 

Percy squeezed her back, happy that for once his little sister was more excited about seeing him than seeing Annabeth. 

They walked together into the living room, where his parents and Miss Hestia were sitting, looking over some old pictures of him. 

“Hello,” Percy said. “Are we embarrassing me already?” He asked. 

The three of them jumped up, each taking their turn to give him a big congratulatory hug. It took everything to not whip out the New York contract, but he’d decided to do it during dinner while they were all sitting down. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Sally said, holding onto him tight. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” she said. Percy choked up a little, and he wouldn’t have been able to say don’t worry, I’m staying even if he planned to. 

“You must be Annabeth,” he heard Miss Hestia say. Percy pulled loose from his mom, and turned to the two women. 

“Yes, Percy’s told me so much about you,” Annabeth said, holding out her hand. “Are you still teaching?” She asked as they shook. 

“Oh yes,” Miss Hestia said. 

“Percy and I would love to come help one of these days,” Annabeth said, volunteering him, not that he minded. 

“Maybe this summer?” Percy suggested. 

“Before the big move?” Miss Hestia asked. 

Percy and Annabeth nodded, still keeping up their act. 

“Let me show you your cake!” Stella said, pulling Percy towards the kitchen. As he headed into the kitchen, he watched his mom pull Annabeth into a sad hug, offering her comfort about Percy’s move. 

“It’s all right, Sally, we’re figuring it out,” he heard her say. 

Maybe dinner was too long from now, he thought. 

Estelle lifted the white cardboard lid of the bakery box, and inside was a round cake with a printed image of Pit Bull and the text “I’m in Miami Ballet.” Percy laughed. 

“Now, how on earth did you come up with that?” He asked. 

“Well, I’m funnier and smarter than you,” she reminded him. 

“And a better dancer,” he added. 

Stella smiled, before pulling him to another hug. “I’m gonna miss you. You promise you’ll come back and visit, right?” 

Percy couldn’t take it anymore. “Of course,” he promised. He broke the hug and took the folder out of his tote bag. “But …” he handed it to her, “look at this.” 

Stella’s eyes scanned over the highlighted parts. She looked up at Percy then, her brown eyes wide and welling with tears. 

“You’re not moving to Miami?” She asked. 

Percy panicked a little. “I’m sorry, you can still have the bigger room --” 

She started to cry. “I’m not sad, I’m happy,” she said. Percy almost cried then, when she started crying in that loud, heartbreaking way little kids do, and he couldn’t do anything but pull her back into the tight hug. If there were any last doubts about his choice, this killed them completely. 

Sally ran over to them. “Stella, sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asked. 

“Percy doesn't need to move to Florida,” she said through her tears, still holding onto Percy. She managed to hold out the contract. “Look!” 

Sally opened it, and Miss Hestia looked over her shoulder. Percy saw Annabeth drop her facade and nudge Paul to go look too. 

“Does that say New York?” Sally asked Miss Hestia. 

“It does,” Miss Hestia said, her smile almost audible. 

Sally turned to Annabeth. Annabeth just smiled wide. “He’s staying in New York,” Annabeth confirmed. 

Everyone piled on top of him. Stella didn’t let go as their mom hugged him. Miss Hestia wrapped her arms around all three of them. He heard Annabeth say, “Should we get in there?” And Paul said, “I think so.” Soon there were two more bodies crushing him. 

~ 

“So, if you two are official now, can I finally embarrass you by showing her your baby pictures?” Sally asked as she cleared away cake plates (Pit Bull’s face had tasted delicious). Percy wasn’t sure they’d communicated with her that they were official, but there was no point in challenging her if she was right. 

“I’m pretty sure moms only do that in movies,” Percy said. 

“But I would love to see them,” Annabeth said. 

Sally was already on her feet, and Stella jumped up to help her. Sally plucked a few frames from the mantle as Estelle went to the living room to get the big photo album off the coffee table. 

“This one isn’t too embarrassing,” Sally said. “It’s Percy at one of his first competitions. He came in twelfth.” 

Sally held out the frame holding the photo of the top fifteen junior boys and top fifteen junior girls to Annabeth. 

Annabeth grabbed it quickly. “Oh my god!” She yelled. She pointed to Percy. “Is that you?” She asked. 

“Well, this seems like a bit of an overreaction,” Percy said, already embarrassed. 

“No it’s …” she looked up at him, and pointed at the photo. He hadn’t really looked at the photo in years, and if he did, he selfishly only glanced at his younger self. He followed her finger to Giselle in the middle, the little girl who’d won not just his competition, but the national-level one too. The little blonde girl with the hops on pointe that no one else could do at their age. And he realized just how familiar she looked. She’s going to be famous, Lester had predicted correctly. 

“Percy, that’s me,” Annabeth said. Of course it was. 

“Oh my god,” Sally said, leaning over Annabeth to take a closer look. “It really is!” 

But Annabeth was already leaning in to kiss him. See, Percy tried to say through the chaste, family-friendly kiss, we were always meant to be. 

~

They indulged in extra desserts and wine as they sat on the couch and let Stella scroll through different YouTube videos on the TV. Naturally, she kept picking ones with Annabeth in them. Most of New York's rep was under lock and key, but there were a few good recordings. Stella found several favorites, like Marzipan, Romeo and Juliet’s balcony scene, and the Black Swan coda. While they all admired her, Annabeth offered a steady commentary of “oh that was terrible”, “point that foot, Annabeth Chase”, and “turn out from the hips, dear.” Percy just pulled her in closer and kissed her red cheeks, no longer feeling quite so embarrassed about the half hour they’d spent looking at his childhood photos. 

“You look beautiful,” he promised her. 

When Miss Hestia finally stood up to leave, Sally told Stella they’d had enough ballet for the day, and it was time for her to get ready for bed too. 

Estelle gave Percy another big hug, before turning to Annabeth. As she hugged Annabeth good night, she added: “Woman to woman? You could do better.” 

Annabeth laughed, and Percy just scooped his sister up and carried her to her room. 

When he came back, Annabeth leaned in close to him, her mouth near his ear. “Do you want to come back with me?” She asked. “We can go to rehearsal together tomorrow.” 

Percy nodded. “Yeah, of course.” 

Percy stood up and tried to play things casually. “We’re going to head out soon too,” he told his mom. 

She smiled knowingly at the conspicuous we but decided Percy and Annabeth had both been embarrassed enough for one night. 

“Alright sweetheart. Let me pack you some leftovers.” As she did that, Percy packed his dance bag, adding some things for overnight. He didn’t want to presume too much, but he did pack two days worth of clothes, just in case one night turned into more than that. 

Annabeth was chatting with his parents when he walked back out, helping them stack plates and arrange tupperwares. 

“Ready to go?” She asked. Percy nodded. 

Percy hugged his mom tight as they got ready to leave. 

“I’m so proud of you, Percy,” she said. “Really. I have always been proud of you, and I will always be, but, this …” she touched the tote bag on his arm where the contract was stored away again. “You’ve worked so hard, and you deserve it so much.” 

For the second time in three days, he felt himself cry, just a little. His mom wiped away the tear, before pulling him in for another hug. 

“I love you, Mom. Thanks for … ” he didn’t quite know how to put into words everything she had done for him and sacrificed for him, from ballet classes to Gabe, so he just settled on a simple but insufficient, “.. everything.” 

“Of course, Percy. It’s what moms are for.” She gave him an extra squeeze before letting go. “Alright, I’ll let you go enjoy the rest of your night now,” she said, pulling away from him. 

When they parted, Percy turned to Paul. “I never really thanked you,” he said to his stepdad, “for everything. I wouldn’t have been able to go to SAB without you. You’re just a high school teacher, and you had a baby on the way. I mean, really, none of this would have been possible without you supporting me. And you didn’t need to do that. I’m not your son.” 

Paul rested a hand on Percy’s shoulder, and just said, “Of course you are,” before pulling him in for a hug.  

Behind him, he heard Annabeth sniffling. 

“Sweetheart, you can’t start crying too,” Sally said, pulling Annabeth in for a hug. 

It seemed like Sally could tell Annabeth had not had a sufficient number of mom hugs in her life, because she refused to pull away first. 

“Come out to Montauk with us this summer,” Paul said when Annabeth and Sally let go of each other. “I’ll teach you how to drive. I taught Percy, and you can’t possibly be worse than him.” 

Annabeth laughed. “That’d be great,” she said, opening her arms for a hug as well. Theirs was a shorter goodbye hug, but it made Annabeth smile all the same. 

“Alright, I think it’s time we let them get on with their night,” Sally said to her husband. 

Annabeth took Percy’s hand as he led her out of the apartment and back downtown. 

~ 

It was past eleven at night, and he knew he needed to get ready for bed. But all Percy could do was stare at the contract in his hands. He wasn’t thinking about anything except that it was real. He didn’t process the sink turning off or the bathroom door opening, until Annabeth was kneeling behind him on the bed in her bathrobe. She draped her arms over his shoulders, her chest to his back, and her face near his ear. 

“What are you thinking about?” She asked. 

“That I haven’t actually signed it yet,” he said. 

Annabeth leaned back a little. “It’s not going to disappear,” she said. “Or are you having second thoughts?” 

Percy turned his head towards her. “I’m not going to disappear either,” he promised with a quick kiss. “I was just thinking that I should do it now. I can give it to Chiron tomorrow.” 

Annabeth was smiling. “Have you read it all the way through?” She asked. 

“Well, no … but I was going to,” he said. He wasn’t stupid enough to sign something without reading most of it. 

“Don’t sign it yet,” she said. Percy raised an eyebrow. “Let me read it tomorrow. I’ll compare it to mine. You might be able to look at Beck’s too. Just to make sure you’re getting everything you should. Have you gotten Miami’s offer yet?” 

“Not the official contract,” he said. 

“Maybe even wait to see their offer. If they offer more money, Chiron might boost your pay,” Annabeth said. 

“Sneaky,” Percy teased. 

“Strategic,” Annabeth corrected. 

“I thought you’d want me to sign it as soon as possible,” Percy said, “and commit to New York.” He looked at her carefully when he said New York, and she understood what he was saying. 

“When you were going to pick Miami, what did you hope would happen with us?” She asked. 

Percy shrugged. “That we’d make it work somehow. I wasn’t thinking it was a choice between you and other women.” He was smart enough to know that mentioning Rachel’s name might send her into another spiral. 

She nodded. “I’m sorry I made it about that,” she said. “And that I wasn’t willing to try. I just didn’t want you to choose me over your career and what you deserve.” 

Percy brushed her hair back. “I accept your apology, and I forgive you. I’m a dancer. It’s something I do. I can dance anywhere. Everything else, my life, my family, my goals, they’re all in New York. And, Annabeth?” He kissed her gently. “There was never anyone else I wanted to be with. The whole time, you were all I could think about.” She smiled and leaned in. When they pulled away, Percy added. “You do owe Rachel Dare an apology though.” 

Annabeth carded her fingers through his hair. “I sent her an Instagram DM during the party. I’m sorry I was so mean to your friend.”

“You did warn me that you get jealous,” he said. 

“I’ll work on it,” she promised. 

“You’re really okay with me not signing it yet?” Percy asked. 

“I trust you,” she promised. “And I do think you can probably get a little more money out of Chiron.”

“More money might not be a bad idea. I’ve been thinking it’s time to move out of my mom’s place,” Percy said. “Kind of lame to bring a girl back to my mom’s apartment.” 

Annabeth shrugged. “I love your family, and … we can always come back here anyway.” She brushed some hair out of his face. “No need to rush out of there. Save your money for more important future things.” 

“What kinds of future things?” Percy asked. 

“Oh, you know,” she kissed him, “vacations, fancy dates, and other future stuff.” Her cheeks were pink, as she kissed him again. 

“Come on,” Percy said softly between kisses, “don’t be embarrassed. Tell me what you were thinking about.” 

“You’ll think I’m crazy,” she said. 

“Try me.” 

Instead of saying anything, she just opened her robe to reveal she hadn’t put her pajamas on yet. She pulled Percy further into the bed. His contract flopped to the ground, forgotten for the time being. 

“Annabeth,” Percy said. “Tell me.” 

Annabeth pouted a little when she realized her distraction hadn’t worked. 

“Future stuff,” she said, “you know, like moving in with someone, marriage, kids …” 

“Just someone?” he asked. She hummed. He kissed her again. “Do you want those things, Annabeth? Do you still want them?” She’d had or nearly had them before and walked away. Percy knew it was the future he wanted with someone, but she might not. 

“I do,” she said. “Not yet, but … Luke didn’t ruin everything, you know? But do you want them?” She asked. 

Percy leaned down to her, kissing her lips first, before moving to her neck, then her chest. 

“Yes,” he promised. He’d gotten everything he’d wanted so far -- his promotion at his company, in his city, and now he had her too. And there was still so much of his future he could dream about. 

No, not dream, he remembered. Goals. Goals he could work for. Goals he could -- would -- make happen. 

[http-byler]

okay listen. I spent like 40 minutes ranting about this to someone who could care less TODAY so I feel like I gotta put it on here too bc at least you guys will care…

Mike was SO outta pocket with that snide little “she didn’t look fine” comment and I think it speaks to all the relationship problems between him & El. and to preface, I am a Mike defender til I die so this doesn’t come from a place of Mike hate/slander. that comment was just so unnecessary and petty in its delivery.

you can tell that it was just him being upset about El lying to him and not about Angela because even Will gives him a look like “wtf are you doing”. everyone else is trying to make El feel better because they know her and they know she needed that reassurance. and I’m not convinced that Mike doesn’t know the gravity of the situation for El. he JUST saw the horrific bullying she’s had to deal with and Will told him that it’s been going on the entire time. so it’s completely hypocritical of him to praise her for humiliating Troy, and even going as far as to break his arm, for bullying Mike & Dustin. why is it okay for her to use violence to stand up to his bullies, but not her own?

he knows the answer and we all know the answer. he’s just upset that she lied to him! because now he’s like, embarrassed and everything he thought he knew just, wasn’t true. his relationship for the past six months has been solely through letter correspondence, and he’s just found out that all of it was fake (or at least, that’s the extreme I think his dramatic ass would take it too). Friends Don’t Lie. that’s one of, if not, the first things he told El about friendships. and yet, in s3 he’s the one to lie to her! so again, were at a stand still because he’s mad at El for something he allows himself to do.

ultimately, what I took away from that comment and their subsequent fight scene is that they love each other, just not the way that they feel like they should.

El’s basis for relationships is based on fantasy. she learned about romantic relationships from tv shows and movies, never learning what a real relationship should be like! Mike’s basis for relationships is his parents’ marriage and his friends’ parents marriage (as well as entertainment media). we can see just how little he knows about relationships throughout s3 when Lucas has to walk him through every single aspect of it, even the concept of an “olive branch”. and honestly, it’s not bad or wrong of them to not have a good level of understanding about romantic relationships! they’re kids! even Lucas and Max, who are established as the couple who does understand romantic relationships, get it wrong sometimes.

because they don’t have a grasp on what makes a romantic relationship work, they end up jeopardizing their platonic relationship as well! because I believe they do love each other, I just think it’s platonic! they’ve been through so much together, and I think a lot of Mike’s feelings that he believes are romantic are actually just a feeling of relief that she’s still there. he watched her “die” and he had to deal with the grief of her death for a year. having her back, that feeling of joy at her being alive and the fear of losing her again, it’s all such strong emotions! emotions one could mistake for romantic feelings. especially in a time where men and women were expected to date and not “just be friends”.

as for El, she might have romantic feelings for Mike. it’s hard to tell sometimes if she really feels the love for him she says she does, or if that’s just her going through the motions of what she has seen portrayed. because in season one, Mike is the one to kiss her, and she is understandably surprised by this (though not upset by it). but then she disappears for a year and in that time she watches movies and shows about romance. they teach her what that kiss means and how she should act with someone she likes romantically. so when they meet again in s2, she leans in as well and this time, she knows what she’s supposed to do. and I don’t doubt that she feels differently about Mike than she does about the rest of the party members. he was the one to take her in and he was kind to her and respected her before the other boys were/did. it makes sense that their relationship is set apart from the rest of the party. but that doesn’t make it inherently romantic.

their fundamental relationship problem stems from not knowing each other. they love each other so much, and they would (they have) risked their lives for each other. But! they don’t really know anything about each other and don’t necessarily share the same interests. El doesn’t know that much about Mike as a person, but she still knows a hell of a lot more about him than he does about her. she doesn’t know that much about herself.

s3 showed us just how much of her life revolves around the men in it (hop, brenner, mike). Max was integral to El’s storyline for an abundance of reasons but the s3 storyline has got to be the most important. she’s the first person to tell her that she is her own person and that she can make her own decisions about who she is. and we’ve seen her smile and laugh a couple times in the show, but that montage was the most fun we’ve seen El have ever in the show. nothing dampens the mood and she’s learning what SHE likes and who SHE is outside of the box she’s been shoved into her whole life. and it’s only for a day. then reality sets back in and she’s sudden thrust into the role of protector again. that silly, happy, pre-teen girl we just saw is gone in a flash. she’s still figuring out who she is and it’s impossible for Mike to know her if she doesn’t know herself.

in the place of knowing each other well, they put each other on this unreachable pedestal that makes them feel inferior in their own relationship. El is “Superman” to Mike. he believes that he’s “just some random nerd” and that he got lucky that he found El. he has no idea how harmful that ideology is to her and to himself. and he hasn’t even really learned his lesson. he put her on a pedestal and was upset when she fell. and yet, he puts her right back up there, expecting a different result. she doesn’t want to be some superhero, she wants to be a normal teenage girl, she wants to be someone outside of the powers she had/has. and she reminds him that she’s not a “superhero”, as least not anymore, but in the Van he expresses the same sentiment to Will because he thinks so highly of her anyway. he bases so much of his self worth on being needed and helpful that his self esteem is practically on the damn floor. it makes it impossible for him to connect with her about insecurities because he feels like his are true and hers aren’t. he IS some random nerd and she’s NOT scary or abnormal.

now El, she sees mike as this, righteous guy who is so good in his heart that he’d never do the things she’s done. she’s put him on a pedestal as well, though it’s not as dramatic as Mike’s. she wants to impress him, make him like her more because he is good. hop is gone and brenner was literally her abuser, all she has now is Mike and she wants his validation. she wants him to believe everything is going great and that she is normal and good and everything she think he is. she doesn’t want to be spiteful or angry or violent or bad. she doesn’t want to be feared. and Mike was the first person to make her feel that way. he’s one of the only people that can still make her feel that way (besides the Byers now probably). so telling him those lies made her feel like she could still be normal. as long as Mike believes it, then maybe it can be true. but eventually, he finds out the truth, and now she’s realized (she thinks) she “doesn’t belong anywhere”.

they don’t feel comfortable enough with each other to show who they really are or express their insecurities. that’s where their relationship really fissures. so unless s5 really reworks the entire foundation of their relationship I just don’t think they can come back from all that. even after Mike’s monologue! because that monologue can still be true as a completely platonic thing. he loves her, and he can’t lose her, he’s not lying! but I don’t think it’s enough to save their relationship.

especially because the things they want from each other can be fulfilled by other people.

Hop is back, all the love and validation she needs can be provided by her family. romantic love isn’t necessarily what she needs, she just needs someone to love her for who she is, and they do.

Will accepts, understands, and loves Mike for all that he is. his good parts and his bad. and Mike feels comfortable with Will too, he seeks him out to talk about his feelings and insecurities.

the things they want so badly in their relationship with each other aren’t being met, and they could get it from other sources. so in conclusion, I believe their relationship is over for good and that Mike is a complex and flawed character who is still learning how to be himself and love himself.

[thelesbianpoirot]

There are a lot of people who mock Taylor Swift because they don't like her music and she's a rich apolitical white woman so she's fair game to them and that is whatever. I don't like her music myself. Her fandom base is largely female, but she does not have the huge gay male backing big a female star usually has. That intrigued me because gay men love massive female pop stars.

However, there is a vocal section of men, straight and gay, that mock Taylor Swift. I learned it was because she isn't sexy to them. A lot of people who find her sexy are lesbians. She doesn't make sexually explicit degrading music which is usually what you need to be an uber popular woman in today's music market. So the female icons gay men of today flock to are all hot women showing their tits and ass.

once a post that got popular that said people need to leave lesbian women who are apart of the slash shipping industrial complex alone, because it doesn't mean attraction to these characters, it is just a dumb male centered hobby, and It compared it to how gay men love sexy starlets. It's why homophobic Nicki Minaj will always have a more loyal young gay following than Taylor Swift. Everyone on the post kept saying all lesbian shippers are actually bisexual. They couldn't fathom why women would be doing the woman hobby, identifying and engaging with male characters if they weren't sexually attracted to them.

Yet no one questioned the sexuality of gay men obsessed with the sexual appeal of female popstars. They can't just be talented, they have to be sexy. And so many gay dudes commented some version of "of course we wouldn't like her, she's flat, sexy as cardboard, etc misogynistic insults." So many gay men are mad when Billie Eilish wears baggy clothes and doesn't have her tits out. Why are you as a man invested a sexy woman if you're not attracted to her? Can it be you identified with these women growing up and still as a man you benefit on some level from the sexual exploitation of women in media. It can be a completely neutral and (or a negative thing) devoid of sexual attraction for you. The same thing with straight men, they idolize big strong masculine men in media or athletes, to the point of hero worship, collecting merch excessively, demanding that every male character be a muscular beast in the live action adaptations, posters on their walls, obsessive curating their online life about them. Get mad when even hot female characters take the limelight away from their male favorites. Are all these men bi or gay? You wouldn't think that.

So how about we apply this to lesbians? While tumblr is filled with openly faux lesbians (bi and straight up straight women dating men) there is a concerted effort to always question a woman's word, and believe everything a man says. Do we think lesbians raised in male dominated society are born inoculated against male worship/centeredness, even if it's not sexual. Straight men aren't. Do you believe lesbians are inherently born with a feminist mindset, and there aren't male worshiping lesbians out there. That there are certain hobbies that make a woman a lesbian, and some that disqualify her? There are some lesbians getting surgery to have a faux dick attached to her person, without ever wanting to ever be sexual with a real deal dick. it's clear that we are just as vulnerable to male hero worship as anyone born in this patriarchal society, and sometimes it manifests in the most womanly of ways, slash shipping.

Slayerlez was right. I miss her.

[l0velylecter]

Thank you for writing from a girly/feminine perspective! A lot of popular writing styles nowadays stick to the very tomboy-ish and gruff "not like other girls" perspective and I have trouble relating to that. I hope I'm not offending anyone with this ask but it's nice to find a writer, especially in the COD fandom, who doesn't perceive femininity and gentleness as a weakness.

Hi, darling anon! 

Thank you for this sweet message. Before I continue, I just want to clarify that :

There's nothing wrong with tomboy-ish and gruff girls, but you are right: there is something wrong the moment their authors use them to bring other women down for being the opposite.

Whatever I will say next is just my opinion, nothing is fact-checked, so feel free to disagree if you do 

I noticed that a lot of times, things get lost in translation very easily when writing about women. And in this block of text, when I say women, I also refer to non-cis women. Often modern media have, unfortunately, conditioned us into thinking that women are inherently weak, so we tend to either accidentally (or with purpose) make women 'different from other girls / unlike other girls.' to have people take them seriously.

But the real question here is: What's wrong with other girls?

There are many ways to uplift women other than bringing each other down. Of course, girly girls can co-exist with adjectives like smart, badass, powerful, strong, and independent. 

And honestly, as a girly girl, I am quite tired of girly-girl erasure. And I am tired of girly girls being portrayed as only two-dimensional characters with no worth or substance to the story. Always the punchline to an overused and unfunny joke. 

And even if these headcanons and imagines are all so well written, as lovely as it is to see kick-ass readers/characters who can let's say: physically fight, use a gun, and are part of the military, as a girl who can't even lift her suitcase I find myself unable to relate to these pieces. One might say: ' But it's just fantasy, it's supposed to be unrealistic.' 

I agree, however, I want my fantasies to also cater to my perception of reality if you get what I mean — my preferences and style. Maybe it's easier for me to see myself as a benefactress to a private military unit than a soldier. This is why I prefer to write about readers as civilians, non-active duty personnel, people in non-military professions, etc. because I can picture it better. And as a writer, my skill of writing can also improve and expand, sooner or later I won't be that restricted in writing and can write about all sorts of readers in all sorts of scenarios. Because I know I cannot put women into boxes, certainly not one that excludes people from enjoying a fandom: which in this case is call of duty.

By the end of the day, my wish is to see more inclusivity in writing about women/female characters! women are allowed to be traditionally feminine, women are allowed to be kick-ass, women are allowed to be smart, women are allowed to be brave, women are allowed to be strong, and women are all allowed to be all of the above at once! 

If you don't agree with how an author writes their reader, it's not difficult to scroll and find something more to your taste. I have received a few messages in my inbox complaining about how I am writing unrealistic reader povs, I never reply to these because by the end of the day: this is all fantasy. And I'm sorry, but to quote one of these messages: maybe it is difficult for certain anons to see themselves as an 'it girl'...but not me though ( stay safe💋) 

In conclusion : women of all backgrounds and settings are not weak, and women shouldn't be restricted to just a 'trope' or a label. there is strength in being gentle and there is courage in being kind. 

Again, please correct me if I use any wrong terminologies, and these are all just my opinions. Thanks for this wonderful compliment anon, you gave me a chance to speak out about what I've held in my heart for a long time. You made my week <3 

smooches x

[onlyonewoman]

As a 40+ woman who's a hardcore feminist and is quite good with both the rolling pin, the sewing machine, actual handwashing clothes, drying herbs and shit like that: I HATE the current tradwife trend on social media for three main reasons: 1. It romantisizes a period of time in history where women literally had less choices in every single aspect of her life than now. 2. You NEVER hear women in their 80's gushing about what an amazing life they had as stay-at-home wives - let alone how happy their own mothers were. You only hear those who have the luxuary to choose. 3. These so called tradwives are, based on what the average houswife was capable of between, lets say, 1900-1950~ish, nothing but a bunch of vlogging cosplayers who love to pretend they're not telling other young women how they should live. I'm sorry, Mrs. Cosplay Wife, but unless your hands are sore, strong and sinewy from hours of physical labor, your pantry stuffed with boring jars of boring food you're preserving in various ways and you know how to mend clothes both by hand and on machine, you're nothing but a fraud. A real damn house wife is someone who works hard around the house to provide for her family - however it may look. It means long hours of sometimes really boring labour. It means knowing how to take GOOD care of the households clothes and linen. Not just throwing them in on a whim in the machine. NO! We're talking meticulous care here - and lots of ironing and, if possible, mangling. It means preparing and cooking meals every fucking day, doing the dishes, the basic plumbing, getting your ass out into the fucking woods during berry season when others lay on the beach! Forget about spending quality time with your kids - they're either in school, doing homework, helping with chores or out playing. Your husband is too busy trying to support a family of too fucking many on a salary that was good enough in the 50's, but not now, so how about some goddamn reality check? If you're blogging/vlogging about how much you love the 1950's estethics and how much you love cupcakes and traditional values, you're just a young, privileged snob, rich enough to not know a flying fuck about how the real housewives in the 1850 ruined their hands with laundry before turning 30 or how those who took drugs to keep the depression at bay in the 1950's felt, because without a world of strangers constantly engaging with and making you earn YOUR OWN money instead of forcing you to ask your husband for it (because, you know, traditional wives HAD NO FINANCIAL FREEDOM), all those colorful, expensive brand kitchen stuff you're prancing around, all the sponsorships and your own bank account, you'd be just as stuck as the women you're trying to cosplay as. You're not traditional, you just have a thing for a certain aestethic and that's fine. But remember: as long as you earn more on strutting around in chechered aprons that aren't made to spill on, moving through you sparkling kitchen with 50 gadgets your great grandma couldn't even imagine over her depressing zinc tub with dirty dishes, than the average worker at a laundry, a restaurant, a goddamn sweatshop couldn't even dream of buying despite working as hard as the actual homemakers did back when managing a home meant absolutely vital stuff for a family to survive, you don't get to point that well-manicured finger at those who call you out on your bullshit. You're not traditional. You're influencers with advertisers who're using your homes, looks - and sometimes your kids - to earn money by cosplaying a 1950's look that most families - especially the non-white and the disabled - weren't a part of. And on top of it, you can't even darn a fucking sock without ruining your expensive manecure. My great grandma would've eaten you for breakfast - before heading out to march for voting rights.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

@ anon’s response. The reason I make the argument of the crossover is because I both have experience modelling and escorting and because it’s been recorded for years the way modelling agencies groom young models into sex work. For instance as a direct intersection between modelling and sex work, the way in which models are paid to go on dates to boost men’s profiles or simply give them a beautiful companion for an event. This doesn’t even include the many prominent model agencies that have been exposed for essentially sex trafficking women. This might be more prominent in high fashion or IG modelling but the intersection is absolutely there. Also many models (some very famous like Karen Mulder, who was demonised and degraded for speaking about how her and other girls were turned into prostitutes by the elite modelling agency) have come out and essentially said the same thing. It is not suspecting, it’s simply calling out how prostitution and modelling have had an insidious relationship, especially when you consider how high fashion agencies love scouting young girls from impoverished countries - refugees from South Sudan more recently and in previous years poor Eastern European girls. There are simply parallels and strong direct connections and intersections. I’m sure much could be said about the dark side of IG modelling but that has turned into a sensationalised mess used to mock and degrade those same models.

interesting insights! i think your wording in the original message threw us off but this makes a lot of sense. thank you for explaining!

does anyone already have sources on these connections by any chance?

but thinking about it youre really onto something here… we know that a lot of „instagram models“ have onlyfans. they would probably prefer to be influencers who get brand deals and not having to resort to this but it has been established as a way to make money via social media as a woman. it is insidious indeed. i think we have all seen that quintessential „ig model“ who posts mostly bikini and ass pics and they do get ridiculed when its actually the men following them who are the ridiculous ones.

[limeade-l3sbian]

i couldn't get behind the lesbian ending of lok because it felt like an ass-pull for representation after they both went for the same guy earlier, especially with the cattiness between the women before then. i also couldn't get behind kuvira because she was a cop, and because her character existing implied toph slept with a man (and was also a cop), especially when kuvira also went for men, romantically.

more than that, i'm bothered by the shitty plot, especially the way they threw out basically everything important to the world of atla. atla very strongly supported things like harmony with nature and portrayed much of industrialization as a bad thing for the world (due to both the harm it does to humans AND the harm it does to the environment), but the "better world" of lok is steampunk? only about 100 years or so have passed iirc, and the world has become a completely industrialized, westernized, capitalistic place. it's depressing. the destruction of the avatar cycle combining with that really grossed me out.

plot wise, it just felt infinitely less cohesive and controlled than atla. atla felt like it had things to say (many of them based around social justice and environmental justice), and built a strong story around those things without faltering for even a moment. lok felt like a sloppy anime that clumsily tried to forcibly inject social justice talking points into the plot. it's unfortunate because there are a few impressive character designs and concepts, and i would have loved an atla sequel following a female incarnation of the avatar (and actual, solid gay representation would be nice too), but it just failed to be anything actually impressive, imo.

on the downlow, i kind of feel it paved the way for the steven universe era of cartoons, where children's cartoons are heavily marketed to adults (who they rely on for an audience more than the actual kids the show is meant for) using nostalgic references and weirdly inserted social talking points and instances of representation that feel more like the creators are saying "LOOK HOW STUNNING AND BRAVE AND SUBVERSIVE AND PROGRESSIVE WE ARE" rather than actually trying to tell stories, convey messages they feel strongly about, or represent people authentically. i know a lot of right-wing people use that sort of argument in bad faith, but a lot of these pieces of media with gay representation or therapy talk make me feel like i'm a brand or a market audience rather than a normal type of person.

i couldn't get behind the lesbian ending of lok because it felt like an ass-pull for representation after they both went for the same guy earlier, especially with the cattiness between the women before then. i also couldn't get behind kuvira because she was a cop, and because her character existing implied toph slept with a man (and was also a cop), especially when kuvira also went for men, romantically.

LISTEN ANON LISTEN AUGHHH

Okay! One, you're right! the lebsian ending meant a lot to my coming out development, but i was literally trying to tell people, like, "didn't this shit feel a little rushed?" like, yes they did write to each other and all that and oh, asami said she liked korra's hair (you know, like girls do).

Two, I think you've got Kuvira and Lin mixed up, but your point is no less valid since I completely understand what you're saying. i think the move to turn toph into a cop was supposed to be a funny little "isn't that crazy that the most rebellious member of the group became a cop?" but it's like, yeah, it is crazy. Two point five? If you want to tell me that Toph isn't a lesbian, I might lose some support but I can kind of understand that. To me, Toph is just a tomboy who doesn't like to be restrained. But at the same time, I also don't think that woman is one to just have sex with a cop, have fucking kids, and ugh. Like, I understand they wanted the fun of writing the offspring of a fan favorite, but honestly? Maybe Lin and Suyin should have just been adopted under some strange circumstances because I have never been able to buy that Toph slept with a man. I think that woman cares about herself and helping out when need be.

Three! Kuvira and Lin being straight is another example that another anon said about the writers not being able to fully commit. You know damn well those women aren't straight and you damn sure didn't draw them for the osa gaze. THAT WAS FOR US.

more than that, i'm bothered by the shitty plot, especially the way they threw out basically everything important to the world of atla. atla very strongly supported things like harmony with nature and portrayed much of industrialization as a bad thing for the world (due to both the harm it does to humans AND the harm it does to the environment), but the "better world" of lok is steampunk? only about 100 years or so have passed iirc, and the world has become a completely industrialized, westernized, capitalistic place. it's depressing. the destruction of the avatar cycle combining with that really grossed me out.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS

I'll be honest, I wondered how they would go about portraying the future of this world since something that really drew me to it was the necessity of bending. To be a bender was a true boon in the original series. So much so that an entire city functioned off of it. I thought it was so cool the way the fire nation stole the concept of the hot air balloon and were able to create something arguably better around their bending. Bringing more tech advancements into the mix always felt like it would sort of ruin a little of that magic, and to me, it did. Seeing them driving and stuff, I was kind of flat faced. Like nah, what happened to the cool ass animals they ride on and stuff? It definitely took a little bit of the magic away. There had to have been a better way to push the plot into the future (if you really felt so inclined) without completely turning it over on its head.

plot wise, it just felt infinitely less cohesive and controlled than atla. atla felt like it had things to say (many of them based around social justice and environmental justice), and built a strong story around those things without faltering for even a moment. lok felt like a sloppy anime that clumsily tried to forcibly inject social justice talking points into the plot. it's unfortunate because there are a few impressive character designs and concepts, and i would have loved an atla sequel following a female incarnation of the avatar (and actual, solid gay representation would be nice too), but it just failed to be anything actually impressive, imo.

I stand by the fact that I liked the series, but people often think that means you can't talk crap about it at all, and that's simply not true. But this is. I think what I enjoyed about this continuation was the inclusion of more fight scenes. I liked seeing the different ways people used their bending. I've always loved that. I'm an action gal lmao. Plot wise, tho? I understand your point completely.

on the downlow, i kind of feel it paved the way for the steven universe era of cartoons, where children's cartoons are heavily marketed to adults (who they rely on for an audience more than the actual kids the show is meant for) using nostalgic references and weirdly inserted social talking points and instances of representation that feel more like the creators are saying "LOOK HOW STUNNING AND BRAVE AND SUBVERSIVE AND PROGRESSIVE WE ARE" rather than actually trying to tell stories, convey messages they feel strongly about, or represent people authentically. i know a lot of right-wing people use that sort of argument in bad faith, but a lot of these pieces of media with gay representation or therapy talk make me feel like i'm a brand or a market audience rather than a normal type of person.

Damn, that's true. The only thing I'll say is that I don't even really think it did that either. I can't tell you any lesson I learned or was told through LoK except "gay ok" and I already knew that.

You've got some really dope perspective, anon. <3

[jerzwriter]

Do you feel like we are seeing a lot more far-right bigotry on tumblr this year than we have during pride month in the past? I saw one post from this meme blogger called "r4cs0" where he was claiming that Chipotle had changed their corporate policies to ban homosexuals from their restaurants after a homosexual man was caught stealing guacamole by smuggling it out in his anus. It was definitely fake news and I think a lot of people were reblogging it because they thought it was a joke, but if you go to r4cs0's blog there is actually a huge amount of homophobia, transphobia, dendrophobia and general bigotry going on over there.

Hey Nonny,

I definitely feel it. This pride feels really off to me, and I don't like it. I am speaking from a U.S. perspective, but I know this applies to other nations as well. The anti-rhetoric is always there, but it feels more blatant like they're more empowered. That's been happening ever since 2016, but this year feels more intense.

My personal feelings? Roe v. Wade was overturned. Now, that in and of itself still has me on FIRE, but like I said on day one, Roe being overturned was not just about Roe, and the far-right has no intention of stopping there. Between that and the far-right media, they're emboldened and not letting down.

I even see it in things that, in general, I don't put too much stock in. Like Target's decision to remove their pride displays from certain stores in the South. Now, I never saw Target as the biggest ally, and I think a lot of corporate pride is BS propaganda, but this isn't good. Why? When I'm in lower Manhattan, it's not the kids there that need to know they're loved and supported... they know. This happened in the communities where they are most ostracized, the most in danger. It doesn't sit well with me.

Also, a lot of companies are putting out their pride logo for a day, then taking it down. Excuse me, but fuck you. America is not a democracy, no matter how much we like to pretend we are, in practice, we are very much a corporatocracy, and right now, we need corporations to be allies more than ever - for lgbtq+ rights, women's rights, racial equity - and so many are backing down instead of standing up - and that's not good. I'm looking hard at where I spend my money these days, and I think we should all try to do that.

Now the shit you are reporting here, I'd like to say anyone who sees that and believes it should have their heads examined, but in our crazy-ass climate, who the hell even knows what's real and what's not anymore (and that's QUITE by design). It's disgusting and disheartening, and it is dangerous.

I'm old enough that I remember when pride was a lot more than a party - and honestly, that has to be remembered, and we need to focus on that. It's great to celebrate, it's important to celebrate, and we should celebrate. But we have to stay vigilant, we have to fight, and for those of us fortunate enough to live in more progressive areas need to really remember those who don't and work for them.

Here's my only hope... the younger generation, in general, is progressive, so I hope the future will be brighter. But don't think the forces at play don't know that the younger generation is more progressive and these bigoted dinosaurs' days are numbered. That's why they're doing all they can - who cares if it's legal or ethical - to consolidate power.

It's hard to see all of this. I've lived through a lot and seen things improve so much. To see things moving backward is just sickening.

Stay strong, Nonny. Sending you love and HAPPY PRIDE... no matter what.

[sulietsexual]

I saw you rebloging content about Daisy Jones and the Six, I was curious what were your overall feelings/thoughts on the show? I really enjoyed it personally, I’m a fan of the book but I was able to have a lot of fun despite some things obviously being pretty different

Oh man, I have so many feeling about this series, not all of them good, but I'll start with the positives.

I have a major '70s fetish, have since I was a kid, and so I automatically enjoy media set in that time. While I didn't think the series leaned into the decade as much as it could, I did like the obviously '70s musician influences on the costuming (particularly with Daisy's Steve Nicks looks and Cami's Bianca Jagger-inspired wardrobe). I also loved all the '70s music used and the way the series captured the spirit of music and live shows of that decade.

I really liked the original songs as well, particularly The River, Honeycomb and Let You Down Easy. I loved that all the actors actually sung and played their instruments for real and jesus does Riley Keough have some pipes on her! Those Presley genes are strong!

I also really liked most of the characterisation. Even though so many of the characters were so messy and at times highly unlikable, they were also charismatic, well-written and portrayed in such a way that you really empathised with them and understood their motivations. Daisy is a particularly strong character and I think Riley was perfect casting. I also find Sam Caflin to be quite charming, so Billy became a much more endearing character because of him, despite the fact that he is such an ass.

A favourite character of mine is Simone, and I've heard that she's much more fleshed out in the series than she is in the book. I absolutely love her character arc, her exploration and eventual comfort with her sexuality (her relationship with Bernie is honestly the best relationship in the series) and her dynamic with Daisy. I absolutely love the way she calls Daisy on her crap and the way she is also so supportive of her.

Also Teddy Price is awesome and his relationships with Daisy, Billy and the band are amazing.

The series has a good pace and I think every episode is written well and moves well. I like how we see Daisy's journey paralleled with The Six's until the two finally converge. Also, the way the series opens is amazing, I loved the whole tease of why did the band fall apart?

With all this being said, I have one big fat issue with the series (from which stems many smaller issues) and that is the ending, which gave me horrible echoes of the How I Met Your Mother finale. The minute Older Billy said to his daughter "And when your mother got sick" my stomach just dropped because I knew where we were headed, and yes, the series went there, and had a dying Camila tell Billy to essentially be with Daisy. And I know this is somewhat true to the book, but it just drove me crazy.

I don't know how different it is in the books, but the entire series was built around this "soul mate" connection between Daisy and Billy; I mean, even before they meet they are linked together by music, events and the trajectory of their lives. We see their similarities long before we even see their connection, and once we do see them meet onscreen, it's obvious that the series is about them. Everything revolves around their dynamic and the way it affects the music and the band, both positively and negatively. Everyone interviewed talks about how the two of them are electric together and both Older Billy and Older Daisy talk about one another in terms of being The Other Half.

Which, for me, makes Camila's story that much more tragic.

I don't doubt that Billy loved Camila and their initial courtship and relationship is very sweet. But, for me, once Billy cheated on her on the first tour, there was really no going back. I understand narratively why Camila stayed with Billy initially; this was the '70s, she was pregnant with his child and didn't have the options women have today. She also loved him and, like I said, I do believe that he also loved her. She saw him get sober and work on himself (to a certain extent, at least) and their initial reconciliation was sweet and they do have many sweet moments after.

But once she realised the depth to which he and Daisy had fallen for one another, once she confronted both of them about it, once she had confirmed that Billy loved Daisy - I don't understand why she would ever take Billy back. How could she ever go back to someone knowing that she was second choice, that the only reason he stayed with her was because she represented stability whereas Daisy was nothing but chaos?

And I know that the series was maybe trying to show that Billy was making the "right" choice with Camila, that he was choosing the stable and happy path, as being with Daisy at that moment in time really would have been disastrous for them both. But, again, this doesn't work for me, because it really comes across as Billy settling. The entire series kept telling me that he and Daisy were soulmates, that they were two halves of one whole, which makes his love for Camila seem second-best.

And I don't think that this was actually the intent of the series, nor the book. I'm guessing this was supposed to be a tale of how even though we connect with someone, it doesn't mean that we're supposed to be with them, which is fine, and I think that works for the Daisy and Billy storyline, but I just don't agree with him getting back together with Camila. She deserved better.

In fact, both she and Daisy deserved much better from Billy, as he really treated both women like crap at various times. So the ending of the series, where Billy gets to play Happy Families with Camila until she dies and then gets to reunite with his "soul mate" essentially lets Billy have both women and this ends up feeling very uncomfortable.

I would have preferred for both women to leave Billy, permanently, and for Billy's redemption to be through his daughter; in fact, I liked that they somewhat worked this angle in, when Billy says that he never missed a soccer game or dance recital. But I think the series would have been better had Camila divorced Billy and gone on to have a good life of her own, maybe even marrying someone else. Then, when she's older and maybe feeling nostalgic or reflective as she's dying, she tells her daughter that her father has become a good man and deserves to be happy, and that maybe he should call Daisy.

Also, just as a last annoyance, I really didn't like the reveal that it was Billy and Camila's daughter who was interviewing the band, as that made everything so weird, like, why are these people telling this young women who they knew as a child and watched grow up all these intimate details of their lives, not to mention, all of them are basically telling her "Oh, your Dad's soulmate is actually Daisy, not your mother." Again, I don't think this was the intent and I would like to read the book to see if this maybe comes across differently. But it bugged me.

So, to sum up, I did very much enjoy the series but the ending does bring it down for me, and I think some of the intent got muddled, possibly due to moving from page to screen.