#These tags devolved into a weird direction

[glossdebut]

take a bite: remastered | MYG ★ 6

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: Your fledgling career as a music journalist is finally going in some kind of direction that must be on the path to success. Your coworkers like you enough to invite you out on Fridays, your boss is starting to think you’re competent enough to let you score a few bylines, and you’re finally getting the hang of InDesign. All of your hard work, late nights, and complete lack of a social life are starting to pay off… Even if it all came at the expense of the longest relationship of your life. Fine. You’ve accepted the fact that romance isn’t for you, under any circumstances. You won’t risk your career for anybody. Not even Min Yoongi.

✧ SERIES TAGS: slow burn, eventual smut, eventual romance, producer!yoongi, music journalist!reader, neighbors to friends to lovers? you’ll see, reader is bad at feelings, reader is post-break up, now back and better than ever (excluding yijeong's bitchass)

✧ CHAPTER TAGS/WARNINGS: um… CLIFFHANGER?

✧ WORDCOUNT: 5.6k

✧ STATUS: complete

✧ AUTHOR’S NOTE: ACK. I'M SORRY NEW READERS.

CH. 6: y’all ain’t never been to a party before?

"Y/N, YOU WHORE!"

So… Many things are happening. Holy shit.

First, to your surprise, midnight kimchijeon with Yoongi last night very quickly devolved into more sex.

You had been a little bit anxious while you watched him cook, and even more anxious while you both ate in relative silence, that the weirdness coming off of Yoongi in waves at the mention of Jae had effectively killed the vibe. Thankfully, being bent over his kitchen counter and fucked into oblivion did wonders to kill that worry before it fully took root.

It was… You’ve never been fucked quite like that before. Practically drooling onto the marble beneath you as he pounded into you, his hands gripping at your ass, his gravelly voice in your ear, growling "thank me again. You wanna come? Thank me for fucking you like this, come on, show me how much you fucking like it," and you did. Fuck, he was mean, but you liked it, you liked it so much.

For somebody who very openly prefers to remain completely stationary (and horizontal, if he can help it), Yoongi sure has a fuckton of stamina. So… score.

Second, due to said stamina and your resulting exhaustion following round two, you ended up staying over at Yoongi’s apartment last night. Which was not the plan originally, but both you and Yoongi were unconvinced that you could safely make the journey down the hall back to your own apartment. When the opportunity to crash on a Purple mattress presented itself so enticingly, you were powerless to resist.

You both fell asleep very tired and very unclothed, the latter which probably would’ve resulted in even more sex come morning—sex you were very much looking forward to—if you hadn’t awoken to approximately seven trillion notifications on your phone from Rina, scaring the absolute piss out of you and forcing you to leave a very confused Yoongi to deal with his morning wood all by his lonesome. 

It’s around eleven in the morning, the latest you’ve slept in months, when you roll into your own apartment, sleep-mussed and fucked out.

Which brings you to the third thing.

Rina is here. Like, here. In your apartment. Not in Paris.

Breaking the sound barrier with her excitement as she looks you up and down, in all of your walk-of-shame glory.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, your voice still scratchy with sleep. You toss your keys on the closest flat surface to give Rina a very confused hug. You missed her, of course. Terribly so, and that outweighs anything else. But also, what?

"What weren’t you doing here?" Rina shoots back, squeezing you tightly. "And please tell me the answer is Yoongi."

It dawns on you that you and Rina haven’t really spoken since you actually went through with everything, being in different time zones and all. ‘Yoongi invited me to his studio where he produces music and then made me come so hard with his tongue I almost died’ didn’t seem like an announcement to be made over text.

"I don’t think that makes sense," you mumble into her shoulder before pulling away, sheepish. "But yes, I was at Yoongi’s."

"Slut!" Rina squeals, her hands latching onto your shoulders and shaking you. "I need to meet him."

Oh, fuck.

Your eyes widen instantly, slight panic overtaking you as you glance back at your door. You know Rina, and you know that she is not above striding over to Yoongi’s apartment right now and getting a good eyeful for herself.

"Oh my god, Rina, no." You catch her wrists, holding them firmly. "He’s barely even awake. I promise I’ll tell you every last detail if you don’t do that, holy shit."

She laughs, pulling her hands back to cross her arms, eyebrow arched with wicked amusement. "I’m waiting."

You sigh, trudging into your kitchen to start a pot of coffee, since you’re clearly going to need it.

"Tell me why you’re in my apartment first," you say, fishing two mugs out of a cabinet and setting them on the counter. "Not that I mind, but… Paris?"

After the coffee is brewed and doled out, you both move to your couch for a debriefing of the past few weeks. 

Over your steaming mugs, Rina explains to you that she has come to the liberating realization that the show will in fact go on without her. 

Her stint in Paris, as fun and fabulous as it was, also made her lonely, and once she was confident the theatre company she was collaborating with would do her work justice without her helicoptering over them, Rina immediately booked the first flight to you.

She plans to stick around for an undetermined period of time, as long as you’ll have her, if you’re okay with that—duh, you tell her with a flick to the forehead—and then go home to her boyfriend for a much-needed hiatus from theatre.

Rina tells you everything about Paris: the sightseeing, the shopping. Her show, the reaction it garnered. In return, you give her all of the gory details about Yoongi. All of them, because she’ll sense it if you leave anything out.

You tell her about the night in his studio, how you deliberated and deliberated until you finally gave in, and how you were rewarded with Yoongi’s head between your thighs, eating you out like a man starved.

You tell her about the horribly inappropriate and ridiculously hot phone call that took place in your office’s supply closet, how he described in detail what he was going to do to you when he finally got the chance.

You tell her about last night, how Yoongi made good on all of his promises and then some. How he took his time learning the cues of your body. And about the kimchijeon, because it’s really unfair that Yoongi seems to be good at everything.

Rina whistles lowly, raising an eyebrow at you as she takes a long sip of her coffee.

"Okay, I really need to meet him now," she says.

"There was a weird moment," you lament, sinking into the couch. "I might be overthinking—"

"Most likely—"

"But, there was definitely a moment," you continue, firm. You know what you saw. "I got this killer opportunity at work to write about this producer, and Yoongi knows him, so I asked him to put in a good word for me, and he, like, froze up for a second. I don’t know."

"Was that before or after he fucked your brains out?"

You snort, mumbling into your coffee as you go for a sip. "Between."

"Okay, so, he’s probably over it if he went back for seconds," Rina reasons, shrugging. "Why don’t you just ask him about it?"

You shake your head. "If he’s moved past it, I don’t want to bring it up again and risk popping the sex bubble we’re in," you say. "You’re right, I’m probably overthinking. Yoongi’s Yoongi. He would’ve said no if he really wasn’t cool with it."

Rina hums, nodding sagely. "Don’t pop the sex bubble," she agrees. "It’s your job, anyway. Using your connections. I’m sure he’s dealt with reporters before, being who he is. He probably gets it."

Your phone buzzes, and you set your mug down to fish it out from between the couch cushions. "Yeah."

Speak of the devil.

Once you grab hold of your phone, you’re greeted with a text from Yoongi. It seems he’s been busy since your abrupt departure. 

[11:58] Yoongi 😐🎧: Spoke to Jae. He’s going to be at an event tonight and he’s down to meet you if you’ll go. I’ll take you

And then, another.

[11:58] Yoongi 😐🎧: Kind of a fancy thing, though. Cocktail attire. Lmk 

Normally you’d dread everything he’s proposing—uncomfortable shoes at a party where you don’t know a soul wouldn’t be your first choice for a Saturday night—but you find yourself biting your lip to mask the stupid grin forming on your face. You’re getting your interview and there’s a high possibility you’ll get to see Yoongi in a suit? Everything’s coming up Y/N. 

You lift your gaze from your phone to Rina, who looks at you expectantly. 

"Bring any dresses back with you from Paris?"

★ ★ ★

When Yoongi swings by to pick you up hours later, you’re more than a little grateful to share a dress size with your best friend. 

Rina did, in fact, bring dresses back with her from Paris, and the second this particular one slipped onto your body she had no choice but to declare it yours.

It’s just your style—black, simple, form-fitting enough that you look fucking good in it, but long enough to wear to what is essentially a work event. Lace detailing on the bodice. A teasing slit up the side. And it’s from Paris, and while you don’t particularly love the French for much, they can make a damn garment. Yeah, you want to be buried in this dress.

Yoongi leans against the door jamb, not the slightest bit subtle as his eyes rake over you. You smirk to yourself as you bend down to get your heels on. 

"Pretty dress," he says, though his tone does little to mask what he’s really thinking. Fuck the party. Under any other circumstances, you’d agree, but duty calls.

"It’s hers," you say, standing upright and jerking your chin back in Rina’s direction. Rina, who is lingering in your kitchen, very obviously exercising all of her restraint not to crowd Yoongi right now and inspect him like a toy. 

"It’s yours," she corrects, gritting the words out. Good thing you made her promise to be normal.

You take a moment to look at Yoongi, who, to your delight, is wearing a suit. Black, like your dress. What a pair the two of you make.

"You clean up nice," you say, drinking in the sight of him just as shamelessly as he did to you. Letting your eyes speak for you.

The suit is simple, also like your dress, but the long lines accentuate his legs, making him look taller. Crisp white shirt. Black tie. Hair styled out of his face. He looks good, and he knows it. You can tell in the way he’s carrying himself.

Yoongi hums, smirking. "So I’ve heard." He glances behind you, at Rina, and then back at you. "The playwright? Rina?"

You nod, surprised that he was able to recall her name. 

He looks back at Rina, smiling at her. "How was Paris?"

The memory on this man. 

"Great," Rina says tightly. You’re almost proud of her.

"I’m Yoongi," he says, eyebrow raising at the weird tension wafting from your kitchen.

"I’ve heard so much about you," she says emphatically, and you snort.

"Ah." You note that the tips of Yoongi’s ears are pink. Yours would be too, if you were in a room with two people who discussed the way you fuck in-depth. "Good things, I hope."

Rina doesn’t answer that, because the second ducks his head, peeking shyly down the hall, she catches your eye and silently mouths ‘HE’S HOT!’ You bite your lip to hold back a laugh. 

"Ready to go?" you chirp as you grab your bag. Any more and Rina will snap, you’re sure of it.

Yoongi nods and steps back into the hallway, allowing you to slip out the door. 

"Nice to meet you," he calls to Rina as you shut it behind you, and then you’re both moving.

★ ★ ★

The ride to the party itself is uneventful. Although you’re giddy at the confirmation that the sex bubble has indeed remained unpopped, the second you’re seated in Yoongi’s car you shift into work mode. 

The tiny notepad you’d stuffed in your bag is now clutched in your hand, and the near silence in the car is only interrupted with the occasional question or clarification on something you’ve jotted down in your research on Jae. Yoongi answers to the best of his knowledge, supplementing where he’s able, but it’s clear you’ve done your due diligence. You’re ready. Or, as ready as you can be considering the circumstances.

Yoongi’s car comes to a crawl, and you peer out the window at the outrageous mansion he’s brought you to. You’d barely been paying attention when he’d stopped at the gate to give his name for entry, but now that you’re here, you’re struck by the luxury that awaits you on the other side of the passenger door.

A huge, freshly manicured lawn. Equally manicured shrubbery. A neon-lit fountain in the middle of the driveway, right in front of the imposing entryway to the biggest house you’ve ever seen in person. Modern, sleek architecture composing the monolith before you.

Yoongi hops out and circles the car to open your door, reaching out to steady you as your heels meet the gravel.

The house is clearly bustling with people, music seeping out into the night as partygoers filter in and out, as others gather on the balconies (plural!) for cigarettes.

"Whose party is this?" you ask, amazed as Yoongi hands his keys off to the valet—a valet, at somebody’s home. 

"Bang Si-Hyuk," Yoongi says as he watches his car depart without him, clearly not sharing your amazement. Right, you remind yourself. This is Yoongi’s world. This isn’t some anomaly for him. It’s just another day. You, however, feel horribly out of your element, even in your Parisian dress.

He offers you his arm and you take it, staring down at your feet as you walk through the gravel so as not to twist your ankle. You can do this. Networking opportunities galore.

The doors to Bang Si-Hyuk’s mansion are opened for the both of you by the two men flanking it, revealing the party unfolding inside. You gawk, clutching your bag and the notebook inside of it, as Yoongi takes your free hand. He gives it a small squeeze before guiding you past the foyer with ease, past clusters of celebrities and executives, caterers balancing trays of tiny hors d'oeuvres, all the way to the bar.

When prompted, Yoongi, predictably, orders an old fashioned. You opt for a vodka martini, something to quell the nerves mounting inside of you. You’ve come a long way from plastic cups of cheap beer at a western bar, it seems.

The bartender procures your drinks, sliding them over to the both of you on cocktail napkins, and Yoongi clinks his glass against yours.

"You look like you’re going to shit yourself," he says, grinning into his drink.

"I hate you," you mumble in kind, letting the vodka warm your throat. "Remind me again why you live in our apartment complex?"

"Because I’m not Bang Si-Hyuk," he says simply, setting his drink down as a woman with long, sleek hair in a slinky dress approaches the both of you, though her eyes are focused on Yoongi.

She’s gorgeous. You recognize her, but your memory fails you when you try to recall her name.

"Min Yoongi, as I live and breathe," she beams, sliding right into his space like she belongs there. Her hand finds his easily, and he lets it linger. Hm. "What a surprise."

"Noona," Yoongi says, mouth quirking up at the corners as he turns his head to you, his hand still clasped in hers. "Y/N, this is Shin Suran."

Suran like the singer, your brain helpfully pieces together. You’ve heard her songs on the radio before, read about her in Look Here long before you started. She had a single years back that charted like crazy, a single that you personally own. She’s done a song with Dean before. And she seems to know Yoongi very well, based on the way she’s still touching him. Something stirs in your gut.

Suran’s attention finally turns towards you, her hand leaving Yoongi’s at last as she reaches out to shake yours. You set your glass down on the bar behind you, wipe the condensation off on your dress as discreetly as you can.

"Y/N," she says, tilting her head at you as you take her offered hand and shake. "It’s lovely to meet you."

"You as well. I loved ‘Wine,’" you respond, politely extricating your hand to pick up your glass and take another sip of your drink. It’s true, you did love ‘Wine’ when it came out, and despite your distaste for this interaction in general, Suran is supremely talented, there’s no denying it. Not to mention a potential connection for you, thanks to Yoongi.

Suran laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners. "I appreciate that," she says warmly before glancing at Yoongi. "Although, that song wouldn’t have existed if it weren’t for Yoongi-yah."

…Huh?

It clicks then, your brain coming online in an instant. 

Yoongi, your Yoongi—the one who lives down the hall from you, who sends you cat videos while you’re at work, who calls you baby when he fucks you—is Suga. 2017 Hot Trend Award winner Suga. Over one hundred KOMCA credits to his name Suga. That he’s not just your Yoongi, but very likely one of the most famous people in this room. That he might’ve been Suran’s Yoongi, too, at one point.

You’d known that he was famous, sure. You’d been to his studio, seen the awards on the wall, although you’d been to preoccupied with wanting to fuck him to actually read them. His studio setup alone told you that he had money, not to mention the paid driver he sent you, the small flashes of luxury in his otherwise humble apartment. But this…

You realize, to add insult to injury, that the song filtering through the speakers right now is his. 

"Noona," Yoongi says, his eyes locked on you as he speaks, although you sure as hell aren’t his noona. "We’ll catch up with you later."

You barely catch their goodbyes, picking up your martini to stare into as Suran departs.

"Y/N," Yoongi says softly.

"You didn’t tell me you were Suga." 

The name feels weighty on your tongue. You don’t know why it bothers you so much, that you didn’t know. That he didn’t tell you outright. But it does.

Yoongi shifts from one foot to the other awkwardly, his body stiff next to yours.

"You didn’t ask," he mumbles. "It’s not like I was hiding it from you."

"Seems like the kind of thing to lead with," you mumble back, taking a long swig, letting the alcohol burn on its way down.

"Yeah, I don’t make a habit of doing that," he says sharply. You lift your head, trying to decipher the look on his face, but you’re at a loss. You’re beginning to realize just how little you know about your neighbor. Your friend. Your… Well, he’s more than that now, isn’t he? 

How many details about Yoongi have you let slip from your memory, while he seems to hold on to every little thing he learns about you?

He polishes off his drink and sets his glass down, pulling his phone from his back pocket to send off a text. He doesn’t look up from the screen as he speaks. "Ready to meet Jae?"

You sigh, suddenly right back where you were last night when you asked him about Jae in the first place, but you nod. "Yeah."

At the responding buzz, Yoongi pockets his phone and wordlessly leads you through the party. You ignore the way your hand in his feels more like a necessary evil this time around.

★ ★ ★

The man waiting for you on the balcony is nothing like what you’d conjured up in your head.

For one, you half-expected him not to show up at all. Such an elusive figure in the industry, and here he is in front of you like it’s nothing.

What you really hadn’t expected, though, was for him to look so exceedingly normal. Unremarkable haircut. Expensive but understated clothes. A face you’d see in passing on the street and not think twice about. 

He looks a little younger than Yoongi, but something about the set of his shoulders—the tense, the quiet focus—feels weirdly familiar. Maybe all producers are just like that, you think.

Yoongi steps forward with a wry smile. "Haven’t seen your miserable face in a while."

"You could’ve kept it that way," the man replies coolly, but the corners of his mouth twitch, betraying him. 

As you watch them catch up, you notice that there's an ease between them, the kind that only comes from unspoken trust. The rapport between them is immediate and understated, filled with shorthand you don’t understand. Yoongi said he knew Jae, but he conveniently left out the fact that they’re, like, close. 

They’re getting a little annoying, these omissions of Yoongi’s. 

"You must be Y/N," Jae says, finally turning to you.

You step forward, a little thrown but recovering fast, offering your hand. "That’s me. Thanks for agreeing to meet."

He gives it a firm shake. Quick, efficient. No extra flourishes.

"I’m out of here," Yoongi mutters, already backing toward the door. "One minute and I’ve reached my quota for this fucker already.”

"Likewise," the other man replies flatly, but there’s a hint of fondness underneath the deadpan. And then Yoongi retreats back into the party, leaving you in Jae’s care. 

Both of you sit on the patio furniture kindly provided by Bang Si-Hyuk on the balcony. The cushions are expensive and just a little too stiff, like they were meant more for show than comfort, but you try to relax anyway.

You glance at your notes. "So… Jae."

"Stage name," he says quickly. "Don’t bother asking for the real one. It’s not online, and I’d like to keep it that way."

You blink. "Right. Understood."

"I’m not trying to be rude," he adds, and his expression softens. "I’m just… not good at the whole public-facing thing. I like the work. The rest of it…" He waves a hand at the party like it’s offensive. "Not so much."

You relax, brush it off. Make a note in your pad.

"You don’t seem like someone who enjoys interviews, either."

"I don’t," he says honestly, laughing. "But Yoongi-hyung asked. He said you were worth it."

That makes your hands pause. Your pen stills against the paper.

Worth it.

You don’t know what to say to that. You’re not even sure you’re supposed to say anything.

"Honestly, I was surprised when he asked me to come tonight," he says. "He never shows up to this kind of thing."

You clear your throat, keeping your voice steady. "I asked him if he could connect us. That’s all."

"That doesn’t mean anything," Jae says, raising an eyebrow. "Lots of people ask him for things. Doesn’t mean he says yes."

"He must like you," he adds. Your heart gives a traitorous little jolt.

You think about Suran and how surprised she seemed to see Yoongi. You think about the text you got this afternoon, how he didn’t give any indication that going to this party was outside of his comfort zone. 

Another omission, except this time you don’t feel annoyance, but something else entirely. Something you don’t dare name. You shift in your seat.

"I’m not here to talk about me," you say shyly, balancing your notepad on your knee as you set your phone to record and slide it onto the table between you. "I’m here to talk about you."

Jae shrugs, and to your relief, lets the subject go with ease. "Go ahead. I haven’t done one of these in years, so… be gentle."

"I’ve read everything I could get my hands on," you continue, re-focusing. "Which wasn’t much. You’ve kept yourself impressively anonymous."

"It isn’t that hard," he admits. "Most people don’t care about who’s behind the song."

"That’s starting to change," you point out.

He nods. "Sure. But I didn’t get into this for recognition. I don’t really like the attention." There’s no shame in it, just a plain statement of fact. "I write. I compose. That’s the part I care about."

You don’t expect him to open up the way he does, but he does. Bit by bit. 

Jae is blunt, but not unkind. He speaks like someone who doesn’t waste words, but instead chooses them carefully. Polished, but not sanitized. 

He tells you about falling in love with music young, learning to play guitar and piano and any instrument he could get his hands on. How he made the shift from trainee to full-time composer when he realized how much he hated being the center of attention. He talks about writing for idols, how he likes the puzzle of it. Building a sound around someone else’s voice.

He speaks about craft the way Yoongi does, like it’s something holy. Something just for them.

This isn’t an exposé—you know better than to push for anything he doesn’t want to give—but it’s still the most anyone’s ever gotten from him. Every detail he offers is unknown to the public, guaranteed to make waves when they’re immortalized in print. 

Just the fact that he agreed to meet with you in the first place is major. You suppose you have Yoongi to thank for that.

You get so caught up in the flow of it, asking follow-ups and scribbling notes, that half an hour slips past like nothing.

"How did you and Yoongi start working together?" you finally ask. It’s not a question you had pre-planned, but you can’t help your curiosity getting the best of you.

He tilts his head, considering. "We don’t really work together," he says eventually. "We just… overlap. Same studios. Same people. We’ve passed projects back and forth over the years. I think we both respect how the other works. And I don’t have to explain myself with him."

You can see that, now that he says it. Not just the physical resemblance, but something more substantial. An internal rhythm they seem to share. The same patience, the same wariness. Two sides of the same coin.

The laughter from the party inside swells a little louder, reminding you how long you’ve been gone. Jae glances toward the glass doors, then back at you. There's no rush in his posture, but the spell of the conversation is breaking. 

You flick off the recorder, trying not to seem disappointed that it’s already over.

"It was really nice to meet you," you say, packing up your notes and standing.

Jae stands with you, smoothing his jacket sleeves. "The pleasure’s mine. You ask good questions."

You’re halfway to the door when he stops you.

"Y/N," he says, and you turn. "Hyung isn’t the easiest person to get to know. Just… don’t give up on him too fast."

Something that you’ve been ignoring for a long time unfurls in your chest.

"I won’t," you promise softly.

You push the balcony door open, your heartbeat thrumming in your ears as you make your way back to the bar. You will rescue Yoongi, want nothing more than to be with him again, but you need the liquid courage now more than ever.

Here’s what you know: You have spent the last three years terrified of falling. Starving yourself from the full breadth of friendship, of intimacy, of love, because of what happened the last time you let yourself have it. You’ve convinced yourself that any man that claims interest in you would do the same in the long run, that being career-driven is a deterrent to love and nobody will ever accept you for who you are.

But you also know this: Yoongi sees you. He understands you. Unlike your ex, he doesn’t feel hurt when you disappear for days on end, lost in your work, because he’s very likely doing the same. And yet he still finds time to read everything that gets published under your name. He offers his studio as a safe haven for you to write when the words stop flowing in your own office. He goes to parties he’d normally rather die than attend just so you can get an interview, because it’s important to you.

You’re tired of starving. And for the past month and a half, Min Yoongi has been quietly offering you something different, something you’ve been scared of since your ex left you three years ago, all alone in a strange city. Steadiness, care, closeness. Like a meal laid out in front of you after years of hunger. And for the first time in a long time, you think maybe you’re ready to take a bite.

Terrifyingly, you really, really fucking like him. Not just as a friend.

You finish your martini quickly before weaving through the crowd to find Yoongi. And you do, leaning against the furthest wall. Drink in hand, just like the night you met.

When you approach, he lifts his head and your heart soars when your eyes meet.

"Ready to go?" he asks, none the wiser to your sudden change of heart. 

"Yeah," you breathe. "Yeah, let’s go."

★ ★ ★

You barely make it into your shared hallway before you’re on Yoongi, your body pressing against his and your arms looped around his neck as you pull him into a searing kiss. He tastes like whiskey, and normally you’d hate that, but it tastes all the more sweet because it’s on Yoongi’s lips.

It’s so different, now that you’re allowing yourself to really feel it. You fit together so perfectly. His lips feel so right on yours. How could you have been so blind before?

You expect Yoongi to press you against the wall, or slide his hands up the skirt of your dress, or groan your name into your mouth like he can’t get enough of you. You know you can’t get enough of him. In his suit, waiting to be unwrapped like a present.

You want Yoongi to do those things, desperately. You want to pay attention properly this time, you want not to shy away from the intimacy of it all. You want whispered praise in your ear, eye contact while he fucks you, his lips on yours and his stilted moan as he spills inside of you. You want the softness that comes after, for him to clean you up with care and wrap you in his arms. You want to sleep in his bed for a reason other than exhaustion. 

But instead, Yoongi pulls away, grasping your shoulders gently as he creates distance between you. You look up at him, confused.

"Rina’s probably waiting for you," he says.

"I promise you, she’s not," you scoff, trying for playful as you lean in again, hoping he’ll meet you halfway.

But he doesn’t. He stays right where he is. Just out of reach.

"Y/N…" Conflicted. 

Right. Of course, duh! You’re getting ahead of yourself. 

You forgot, in the haze of your epiphany, that your last conversation with Yoongi didn’t exactly bode well for your sex bubble. You need to set the record straight, then.

"Yoongi, if this is about earlier… the Suga thing," you start, leaning in to pepper kisses down his neck, your fingers coming up to fiddle with his tie, loosening it. "I’m not mad, okay?"

Yoongi shakes his head, running his hand through his hair. "No, I just…" He trails off, sighing. "Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, Y/N. The friends with benefits thing."

You freeze.

Dread fills you instantly, replacing all of the warmth that had been inhabiting your body just moments before.

Why now? What’s changed? You know what’s changed for you, but it can’t be the same for him if he’s pulling away from you like this.

Yoongi gently removes your hand from his tie, takes a step back from you. Crushes all of your hope with his next words.

"I just don’t know if I can do this with you."

With you. 

"Oh," you breathe. You feel like you’re going to cry. The beginnings of tears are already welling up in your eyes, and you do your best to blink them away.

"I’m sorry."

You shake your head. "Don’t be," you say, forcing your expression to remain neutral. "I appreciate your honesty."

"I still want to be your friend, Y/N," Yoongi says, his voice pained, like he can see right through you. You wish he’d stop. "Please."

"Yeah," you say, your own voice breaking just a little. You don’t want to cry in front of him. Fuck that. "I’m gonna go home. See you."

Before he has a chance to say anything else, you’re speedwalking to your apartment, fishing your keys out hurriedly to unlock it and rush in. 

Once you’re inside, you lean back against the door, sliding down until you’re sitting on the floor. It feels so similar to the night you met him—running away from him in the hallway, feeling like you can’t breathe once you’re on the other side of the door. Too bad it’s so, so different.

At the sound of the door, Rina comes out from your bedroom, Pepper in tow.

"I thought for sure you’d be getting dicked down right about n—" You watch her stop in her tracks at the sight of you, her expression laden with concern. "Y/N? What’s wrong?"

"There are strings," you sniffle, looking up at your best friend with watery eyes. "And it’s my fault."

"Oh, Y/N," Rina breathes, setting Pepper down and immediately joining you on the floor, wrapping her arms around you.

Your mind flashes back to three years ago, in a position not all that different from this one. But that was for a relationship, one that lasted years. One that you foolishly assumed was heading for marriage. Why does this hurt just as much? Why did Yoongi nestle himself into the softest, most vulnerable parts of you just to rip himself away at the last second?

You finally allow yourself to cry.

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[incalculablepower]

some fics i've liked lately

it's been a weird year. when i made this list of recs back in january i fully intended it to become a monthly thing, but life happened and then i guess it just kept happening. in early 2023 things were ramping up in my new career, i was practicing and playing a lot with my band to prepare for our first show, i was settling into dealing with depression and anxiety with medication, i was getting over a miserable breakup. then i fell in love. i lost my job (the best and most favourite job i've ever had) abruptly this past may. this is my longest period of unemployment since i was a teenager and while you think it would be the best time to lose yourself in fandom, i felt the opposite. fandom was such a lifeline to me when i had a miserable job and was in a bad relationship and needed an escape but i was very present in my own life this summer. i took my partner to visit my family and spent a lot of time with friends and played shows (and recorded some music... shameless self promo once again) and in between i watched so much star trek on my couch. this is such a long preamble to explain why i haven't been fandoming as much lately and why idk if i'll write anything again anytime soon (let's say, once i have a job i want to procrastinate at) but -- i HAVE been reading fic! not as much as before, but i have been, and there's enough for a fic rest list so that's what i'm giving you today. when times are dire [podfic] - @aibidil

drarry. i have such a soft spot for middle aged draco and harry falling in love, the relationships they have with their friends and their grown children. @aibidil reads her own podfics and it's an utter delight. i usually only listen to podfics or audiobooks when i'm doing work around the house but i can going on walks with my headphones just so i could listen to more of this one.

purple haze by @ashesandhackles

romione. i was so so honoured to see this pop up in my ao3 gifts during @thethreebroomsticksfic pride fest this year. it turns the well tread romione ground of shell cottage and the yule ball over a bit, using them as settings to explore a confusing mix of jealousy and sexuality for ron and hermione. ashes knows i love mess with these and it captures that teenage chaos wonderfully, then lets them laugh at it as secure and settled adults.

crookshanks by @ala-baguette

gen. warning that this is a tearjerker, especially if you've ever loved and lost a pet. i think the pure and simple expressions of love and gratitude from crook's pov here would be a comfort to any pet owner.

at some point this year, i got REALLY into the idea of a one-sided dramione. it's hard to look for, especially since it's such a popular ship but i managed to find a few that scratched the itch until i find the time and/or motivation to write one of my own new years eve by 2daughtersofathena, the guardian angel by mylifebelongstothebbc, and a boy of hans by elixirsoflife. the last one being my personal favourite, a grim take on the hanahaki disease trope.

every mother is a grave by witchofimber

this was recced by @whinlatter in @thethreebroomsticksfic discord (btw i feel like no one on my followers lists needs anyone to remind them to read beasts -- but please read beasts) and when i saw "gillian flynn treatment" in the tags i slammed the mark for later button. this is probably the most balanced and realistic portrayals of molly weasley and her role as a mother that i've ever read in hp fic. it's not weasley family fluff but it doesn't devolve into something so flat as bashing either. molly is regular mother with flaws and strengths like anyone else and how they amplify and shift with love and grief and pain and stress and duty and pressure. every single relationship she has with her children is uniquely expressed and the way it ties the past to the direct aftermath of the war is so well done and a great way to organize this giant, messy family. particular care here went into fred and george, giving them their own identities in a way that can be difficult, given the source material. a favourite line:

“Probably have tried to make us name the twins after them.” He stopped laughing, sucked in a breath. “Do you want to?”  For a second she considered it. It would be wonderful, getting to use those names again like living things. But -  “No,” she said. “I - if they were alive, I’d have said no, so I’m saying it now. Let the boys be their own people.”  The truth was that she didn’t want to lose her brothers. To have their faces erased in her memory, painted over with her sons. To have to say no, not THAT Fab, I mean UNCLE Fab - he died before you were born. Anyway, she liked the names Fred and George. It was easier like this. 

the scrunchie by @saintsenara

another fic i've meant to read for ages and finally got around to just yesterday. the background drama of these side characters as a cheap scrunchie from boots floats around them is so perfectly teenage. reminds me of the other series i loved as a teenager around the time HP was coming out: georgia nicolson and gossip girl. i could also compare it to derry girls a little, how despite the environment surrounding them these girls are still being girls, arguing about stupid things and getting crushes on boys and having the absolute most ridiculous blowout fights with your sister (parvati and padma's portrayal here is probably my favourite i've ever read!)

i also can't leave without reccing @saintsenara's wip, one year in every ten. i can't get enough of a good case fic. tomarry/harrymort (both versions of this ship, oddly, apply to this fic) is not something i've ever sought out but i really think the way it's handled here could win over any non-believer. it's sharp and funny in a way that makes it turns into poignancy hit even harder. i screenshotted two full phone screen pages of chapter 27 so i could go back and read them over and over. it might be one of the best things i've ever read from ron's POV (emphasis mine):

It had been a long ten years, with a chair at their table always left empty and a hole in their hearts always unfilled. Grief was exhausting and boring and dully painful, like a slightly sprained ankle which you can still walk on, but which always bothers you a little bit.  But there had been love among the grief. There had been love before the grief - indeed love had caused the grief - and there had been love after. His love for his parents and his siblings had changed, the way wine left in a barrel changes and becomes richer and deeper. There was more sorrow in the love, as he threw a quaffle around with George and saw the tired lines at the corner of his eyes. There was more recrimination, more struggle with the mistakes they had all made in the past, as he finally sat down and had a real chat with mum and dad about how a lifetime of corned-beef sandwiches and maroon jumpers had made him feel. But there was more joy there too. And with joy came forgiveness and understanding and hope and fun.

image used is wildflowers (1915) by tom thomson

[nonuggetshere]

I think characters saying "Jesus Christ" in the most deadpan yet most sincerely done/disbelieving way is the funniest shit ever and I am so sad I can't use it with HK characters lest I imply Bug Christianity and Bug Jesus dying for our bug sins

[mermaidsirennikita]

Please do give us all your underrated romcom recs!!

For sure! Here are some I remember right now.

Ibiza--a Netflix movie, half "female friendship celebration", half romcom, the source of my URL. About an overworked uptight marketing girl (lmao...... real) who goes on business trip to Barcelona; her two best friends tag along and convince her to go to a club, where she has a chance encounter with celebrity DJ Leo West (Richard Madden at his best), after which she becomes convinced to follow him to his next show in Ibiza so they can hook up before her business meeting back in Barcelona. Unhinged, sexy, hilarious, everything people say Bridesmaids is, I love everyone in this movie and somehow none of the women are ever in true peril which is fabulous. Will leave you wanting to fall in love in a club/do something insane with your friends. Encapsulates the feelings of life changing travel better than anything.

Laggies--coming of age romantic comedy with some REEEEAL hits for MILLENNIAL MALLAISE, imo. Keira Knightley dips after freaking out when her boyfriend proposes; she has no life direction and ends up crashing with this teenage girl she just met. Teen girl's lawyer single dad (Sam Rockwell, sooooo sexy for some reason) quickly susses out that Keira is not a fellow teen but lets her stay anyway because she's got good vibes, his daughter clearly is desperate for a maternal figure of some sort, and he wants to bang Keira. Has a GREEEEAT impetuous makeout where he grabs her and she has to be like "I don't think you should fingerbang me in the street".

Down with Love--an early 2000s romcom satire starring Ewan MacGregor and Renee Zellweger at the height of their powers (fact: this movie is the sexiest I've ever found Ewan, as he's generally hit or miss for me). Honestly one of the smartest movies I've ever seen? Satirizes the Doris Day/Rock Hudson sex comedies of the 60s in this hyper-vibrant, gorgeous 1960s New York (the costumes and set design are insane). Puts Catcher Block, the slutty man reporter, in this Battle of the Sexes deal with Barbara Novak, the author of a huge hit book that basically tells women say down with love and prioritize their own pleasures (including sex), during which Barbara trashes Catcher specifically. The plot is iNSANE, I can't even really get into it. But there's also a genuine love story? If you like watching a slutty man get completely Stockholm Syndromed into falling for a crazy woman, this is it. Also, Sarah Paulson and David Hyde Pierce, literal gay icons, play the best friends who also fall in love.

Mrs. Winterbourne. Another fucking bonkers movie that has a bit of drama but also sexy uptight lusting-after-his-brother's-widow-but-not-really Brendan Fraser. This girl, who we're supposed to think is 18 but it's Ricki Lake and she's not, gets abandoned by her boyfriend after she gets pregnant. She ends up on a train with this nice couple, including a woman who's just as pregnant as she is. She admires the woman's wedding ring and the lady is like omg try it on because she's nice and also weird, and then THE TRAIN CRASHES. Our heroine wakes up and she's had her baby and the baby is fine but the nice couple is DEAD and she was wearing the ring and was pregnant so everyone thinks SHEEEE is Mrs. Winterborne. The dead guy's rich family never met his wife, so they welcome her and her baby with open arms and she kinda has to go with it? Anyway, Brendan is the dead guy's IDENTICAL TWIN (which means he was also the dead guy) and he immediately is like "this bitch is lying" but he's also falling for her against his own will??? Truly this movie is reverse Gorilla Twins.

Blast from the Past--another Brendan Fraser movie you kinda have to see to believe. Basically, Sissy Spacek and Christopher Walken are a couple in the early 60s and Walken is a scientist who believes the earth is going to devolve into a nuclear armageddon, so he's built this bunker for him and his pregnant wife underground. He thinks nuclear war has begun, and rushes underground with said wife, and their son is born and raised into this perfectly preserved 1962 world. He's Brendan. Anyway, 30+ years later, he surfaces into the real world as 90s era Brendan Fraser, which means, hot, and is completely naive and gets led around by jaded girl Alicia Silverstone, who falls in love with him and wants to take his virginity REAL BAD.

My Fake Boyfriend. A truly wacky little gay romcom about Keiynan Londsale creating this ideal fake dating profile and his best friend living vicariously through it, which becomes complicated when Keiynan meets a guy he actually wants to be with.

Fire Island. I don't know how underrated this is? Maybe at large. Anyway, it's just a really fun modern queer Pride and Prejudice retelling with multiple super good couples and a greeeat Mr. Darcy.

Bros--I know that Billy Eichner is annoying and went all headass about this... but tbh, though it's not without issues, this is a very fun romcom with a sweet love story at the core that doesn't fuck around with adult issues like questions re: monogamy

Imagine Me and You--again, I don't know how underrated this is, I feel like it's Thee Lesbian Romcom in some circles, and it's imperfect, but I dooo love it. It's one of the few movies that sells love at first sight. It's dated but it's fun. Also. Lena Headey.

Always Be My Maybe--has everything I want; attractive people having sex, drama, childhood friends to "forget my number" to lovers, Keanu Reeves playing hIMSELF. I feel like this got decent recognition, but nowhere near what it deserved. If you haven't seen it, Ali Wong and Randall Park are childhood friends, his mom dies and he becomes super depressed when they're teens, right after they lose their virginities to each other (or she loses it to him? at least one is a virgin and neither knows shit about sex) and then feelings are hurt immediately after and they come back into each other's orbit years later when she's a celerity chef and he's like, her HVAC repairman lol. They rekindle the friendship but there's mooore.

Love, Rosie--I have my quibbles with this one, but I also have a soft spot for it because... childhood friend drama. Sam Claflin and Lily Collins are best friends since literal toddlerhood, he's clearly got feelings for her in high school but she fucks a random on graduation night and gets pregnant and doesn't tell Sam because she doesn't want him to stay behind and help her as he has a scholarship to Harvard med. Sloooow burn with lots of tension and angst and some charming found family vibes.

Palm Springs--again, debatable on how underrated it is because it's very much critically acclaimed, but this movie is never in the conversations Set It Up is waved into and it's actually excellent, so... Cristin Millioti (SHOULD be a romcom queen by RIGHT) is at her sister's wedding and goes off to hook up with random stranger Andy Samberg because she's a messy bitch. After a series of wacky events, she gets sucked into a time loop that Andy has been in for literal years, where they're reliving the same day over and over. A lot of crazy shit happens, hijinks are had, and they fall into (complicated) love. A chaotic favorite.

P.S. I Love You--I feel like this dog has had its day to an extent, but it was actually dragged when it came out, and I remember this because I remember going "why?? It's great". The only Gerard Butler movie worth seeing besides 300, probably, this stars Hilary Swank as a young widow whose husband (said Butler) recently died of a long term illness and left her a letter per month, telling her what to do in the first year after his death. The supporting cast is GREAT (Kathy Bates made me weep), it's both very funny and incredibly sad and uplifting and raw, Hilary fucks Lucky Charms Jeffrey Dean Morgan (the Irish accents in this are Bad but it's much better than Leap Year) and the ending subverts expectations in a great way.

Brown Sugar--This is obviously a very popular movie (MY DIVOOOOORCE) but I don't think it's upheld to the same status as The Best Man franchise and I always see Love & Basketball recommended over it and that seems wrong. Taye Diggs and and Sanaa Lathan play childhood friends who now work in hiphop adjacent industries and struggle with both authenticity and how badly they wanna bone each other. THEN HE GETS ENGAGED. This one is messy, with cheating and hurt feelings and real adult issues, but it also has one of the funniest scenes committed to celluloid so.

Music and Lyrics--a Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore CLASSIC that actually reads like a romance novel onscreen. Hugh Grant is a washed up 80s pop star who wants to land a gig writing a bop for a pop princess, but he can only do the music, not the lyrics. He finds out unexpectedly that the weird chick watering his plants (Drew) is a good little lyricist and they begin working together, which leads to... love. Has a genuinely great grovel, I gotta say.

Just Like Heaven--cheesy, but the spot I have for it is soft (weird). Mark Ruffalo is a sad widower who's moved into a new apartment, only to find out that it is haunted by the GHOOOOST of the woman who was in his apartment beforehand (Reese Witherspoon) (there is a happy ending). It's of AN ERA.

Moonstruck--should not be underrated because Cher won an actual Oscar for it, but many people don't seem to talk about it today? Probably because of the hero, but OVERLOOK THAT. Cher is a widow who's just gotten engaged to this one dude who's Just Fine, and she wants to make sure his brother, one-handed Nicolas Cage, goes to the wedding. Except oops, she ends up fucking him right after they meet because one-handed Nic Cage has the juice, I guess? He gives this big speech, she says he's a wolf, it's great and verrrrrry Eyetalian American.

Faraway--I just saw this and it is PURE. GOLD. A middle-aged wife and mother loses her own mother and finds out her husband is having an emotional affair at the same time. So she goes to this little house in Croatia that her mother secretly owned, without telling ANYONE. Except oops, there is a squatter in the house, and it's a MAAAAN. Funny, sexy, a great example of two attractive middle-aged people who look like attractive middle-aged people falling in love. A real "find yourself at any age", uplifting movie that made my heart so warm.

Austenland--not super underrated, but fun. Keri Russell is a Jane Austen lunatic who goes to an Austen-themed resort and ends up encountering her own Darcy type.... But is he just playing a part??? Jennifer Coolidge is also in this. Being excellent.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2023-06-19

Pathetic quilt stunt achieves nothing

Listening: A lot of MiSLeD, a small South African punk band. I started listening to them a while ago because I needed an album to pad out a bandcamp Friday and they turned up. It took a while to warm up to their extremely, unbelievably blunt style. Very little subtlety, but good loud angry music. Here's the hyperlocal anti-cop "Carguard in Disguise" from their acoustic album "Rolling Blackout"

Reading: Among other things rereading the webcomic Postcards in Braille, by Kurisquare. Cute, low-plot slice of life comedy comic from 2014-2017. I have no clue how I found it way back and I've never been able to remember the name until I tracked it down recently. Follows a bunch of friends hanging out and going through low stakes emotional scenes. The protagonist is blind and the author puts some neat well researched notes on adaptive technology in the comic, which has come in handy for me more than once.

I should really check out her other comics now that I've tracked it down, she's got a bunch of new ones out since I last encountered her work.

Watching: I have begun the grand Fast and Furious Watch, so far I've got two book reports and three movies down. Tokyo Drift is so, so stupid it's taking me a minute to write it all down. Go check the #furious book report tag to see the first two.

Making: My weird awful washer-dryer decided to steam-dry(?) the Penrose quilt instead of being normal so I'm dealing with colour runs. Mostly washing and rewashing without letting it dry, plus using some "colour catchers" which are dye-attracting sheets that seem to help a little.

Felt very sick when I first saw that! It's cleared up a lot and it should be fine but still! Not great! It's nine months of hand sewing, and there's basically no way to easily fix any damage to the main patchwork. Most of the runs are confined to the backside so that's good, and the worst of it is already gone.

Playing: Terra Nil, a Devolver Digital city builder themed as an ecological reclamation game. You show up to a barren wasteland and you have to revive the soil, put down biomes, adjust the climate, and establish an ecosystem. Saw it on Loading Ready Run:

It's pretty fun, desktop and mobile deal as most Devolver games are, and if you have Netflix it's bundled in the game subscription system they have.

I've cleared the main missions which unlocks another round where you go through variants of the same environments, each one has unique challenges like a tropical environment where you have to establish coral on land and move it to the ocean, or a volcanic environment where everything is covered in ice to begin with. Very tricky when you start each level but once you establish yourself you build up a pretty good safety net.

The main gimmick is that at the end of each level you have to pack up all your terraforming equipment and take it with you, which necessitate a trail of monorails or canals that you close up behind you.

The most frustrating thing is the animal system, which is bad because it's illegible in two directions. You have to select small regions that meet the criteria for an animal to live in it, stuff like "contains ice and ocean and prey", and it's not always clear why something is failing or saying you've only partially met some demand. In addition there's no easy way to see which conditions you need to meet as you're playing, so you either need to constantly tab into the information book or you need to just hope you don't accidentally screw yourself in the endgame. I haven't yet but it's been close, I once had just barely enough bamboo near grassland to get pandas.

Tools and Equipment: here's a tech tip: you basically never have to hot wash anything unless you're explicitly trying to sterilize it or kill mites or whatever. Modern detergents are very good at removing grime even at room temperature. I mostly wash things at 30-40°C. It saves energy and reduces long term damage to your clothing. You should however probably hot wash fabric before you sew with it, and we suspect that's part of why the quilt ran: my mother was in charge of washing it and probably just put it in at her normal 30°C cycle instead of a hotter prewash.

[lonniemachin]

Hi! So first, I love love love your tags on the Anarky panels I posted because you're absolutely right, the direction of the 99 comic was... A Choice tm. But second of all, I wanted to ask, because I was curious as to your thoughts on the initiatory violence thing: do you think Lonnie might consider the oppression/oppressive systems that he fights to be first blow, and so in punishing them, he is instead reacting? I just thought that could be a character motivation that might explain that line! No worries if you disagree; I'm just curious to hear what you think! Full respect to you and your blog, and I'm so glad someone else out there loves Lonnie! :D

first of all, i really, really appreciate it! anarky fans are very few and far between, and i get really excited when i find people talking and posting about him. he’s one of my top favorite DC characters and i only have one or two friends who share that sentiment, so i feel much the same way :)

you know, as someone who’s read a lot of anarky comics (including ones i really, really hate) and has put a sizable amount of thought towards him and his characterization, that never really crossed my mind when i considered why that line was put in despite past instances of lonnie initiating violence towards others (i mentioned johnny vomit, but there’s also him poisoning Bates, him shocking Pantalone in Robin 1993 Annual, him electrocuting a man to near-death in Green Arrow, etc. i ignore everything penned by tim seeley, because red hood vs anarky and robins was a messy mistake of a character assassination TO ME) it’s a really interesting thought and im glad you brought it up! that particular motivation seems like it could track for him really well and is something that can be found in actual anarchist schools of thought, so i definitely don’t disagree! most of those people were participating in the systems he targets, though i do think he does tend to get too into what he does sometimes and isnt always the best at being an anarchist. side effect of being an angry bleeding heart kid, but his heart IS in the right place.

i’ll be honest with you though - after my first couple reads of the 1999 solo and the 1997/8 miniseries, i tend to skim when i reread. it left a sour taste in my mouth because it’s when alan grant went full Randian Neo-Tech and decided to pivot lonnie in that direction, and the ways in which the character changes from a smart and cocky yet theatrical and emotion-driven little punk with ancom-adjacent views into an “I Read Atlas Shrugged Once” Rational faux-Intellectual make me a bit sad, so i think i have the habit of sweeping everything that i havent picked out for my analysis of the character aside (i’m especially interested in just how damn lonely and self-isolated he is… PLEASE get some friends!). i do acknowledge this is probably a result of him growing up, but i wish his views would’ve strengthened instead of getting… weird. what I do find noteworthy about this is that some of my favorite parts of him aren’t completely changed. he’s still very expressive and emotive and full of compassion for people, has a dry wit, and his moral compass remains pretty intact. he’s still a bit of a weirdo teenager. with everything that grant DID try to do with him however, i always chalked up inconsistencies to his constant upping of the ante (in part to editorial mandates, so the bizarre stuff isn’t entirely his fault. to a point he was doing his best with what was given him, but.) and the fact that grant himself stated that lonnies “evolving philosophy” was reflective of his own. lmao

sorry if this makes no sense and devolved into a rant or something, im out right now and got really eager when i saw this so i was like i have GOT to say something ASAP. here, have a him as thanks for reading ⬇️

[hxseok-honee]

atlas heart || part 28

a/n : aha,,, ahaha,,,,, listen, i know this is a jimin au okay I KNOW -- but this chapter belongs to jung hoseok and thats that im sorry

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_______________________________

When Y/n finds Jimin down by the lake, she feels that every fiber of her being wants her to turn back, wants her to run and hide under her blankets -- as if she’s the one that needs protecting from him. He doesn’t see her until she’s a few feet away, approaching him from the shoreline. The smile he gives her when he turns is kind but reserved, like he’s preoccupied. She lets out an awkward laugh.

“Why did you want to meet down here in the middle of the night? Way to be weird, Jimin.” He rolls his eyes playfully, nudging her with his elbow before gesturing back toward the ground not far away, covered in grass instead of the sand here by the water. Y/n follows him there, taking a seat next to him with question marks in her eyes when he doesn’t answer her. He snickers at her confusion.

“You’re really stuck on this, huh? Maybe I just wanted to look at the stars with you.” Her features scrunch up cutely as she reacts to his admittedly cheesy one-liner, and he feels the tips of his ears go red. “Okay, I swear that sounded better in my head.” She grins before turning away, looking up at the sky in contemplation. Jimin thinks that maybe, in other circumstances, they really would have been able to sit here together in peaceful silence and watched the stars all night long. He hates that he has to ruin it.

“I actually… I have to talk to you.” She doesn’t pull her gaze from the sky, but he does notice that her expression has clouded over with something he can’t place. It looks a lot like resignation. Swallowing once and trying to shake out his nervous limbs as subtly as possible, he takes a single deep breath before turning his upper body to face her. She still won’t look at him.

“I know you’re probably going to hate my guts after this, and I completely deserve that because I’m selfish and stupid, and I’m too nosy for my own good, and I never should have pushed so much, but I--”

“I know.”

“Yeah, I know you know that I’m an idiot, and that I’m annoying, and that I ask too many questi--”

“Jimin, I know.” He stops then, and the look of pure confusion he gives her breaks her heart. She has no idea that the pained expression she’s giving him is breaking his. She can’t even keep her eyes on him when she continues. “I know that you know.”

Jimin jaw drops, and he gets the idea that he looks a bit like a dying fish, closing and opening his mouth as he tries to figure out how to continue. He hadn’t planned for this turn of events when he’d practiced the conversation in his head.

“You -- but how? Was I too obvious?” He sits up straight, terrified that his suspicious behavior had already gotten her into more danger. “Did I do something that risked your secret? What was it? Tell me so I can make sure never to do it again--” Y/n’s eyes shut as she sighs, and she quiets him with a shake of her head.

“Dumbledore told me, the day after you’d gone to see him. He wanted to warn me.” Jimin stares at the side of her head, processing that she’d known almost two weeks that he’d figured everything out, but she hadn’t confronted him about it. “I haven’t told the boys yet, but I’ve been freaking out about it. I wanted to talk to you right away, but… I decided to wait until you were ready to talk about it…” Her eyes flick to him, but at the sight of his gaze fixed completely on her, his attention fully hers, she looks away. “I was scared that you hated me. Even when you kept reaching out and talking to me, I felt like… maybe you hadn’t realized exactly what I am or what that means. I was waiting for you to leave me. Or expose me. I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“I would never do that to you.” It falls out his mouth, feeling oddly like a confession when he says it without thinking and is immediately embarrassed. He clears his throat when she looks up at him with wide eyes, scratching awkwardly at his collarbone. “I needed time to process… not that you’re a werewolf, but that I had been such a fucking idiot the entire time. I should have listened to your friends and just let you be. I was nosy and selfish and objectively really annoying, and I hadn’t even realized that they were just trying to keep you safe by pushing me away. I’m really sorry, Y/n… for endangering you like that.”

He won’t look at her -- he can’t. But when a cold hand closes around his own, squeezing gently, he at least is able to look in her direction. She squeezes again, and, with as much courage as he’s ever had to gather at once, he lifts his eyes to meet her. She looks to be on the edge of tears, but she’s smiling at him, and it confuses him to no end.

“You’re not… mad? Because I completely understand if you are--”

“I’m not mad, Jimin. I’m kind of relieved that you know now, even if I am probably going to always be scared that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m a monster and run for your life.” He breathes out a laugh, knowing that she’s not joking. He just can’t imagine a version of himself, now or ever, that would look at her and see anything but the girl he’d been desperate to befriend all this time.

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/n. I want to help you, if that’s okay. I want to do anything I can to help keep you safe.” It’s then that she pulls away from him, her expression turning apprehensive. Jimin takes one look at her and assumes it must be about her friends. “I know that Hoseok and Jungkook don’t like me, but I can talk to them if you want me to! I can explain myself and make sure they know that I’m just trying to help--” She shakes her head suddenly, cutting him off with a wave of her hands. She can already tell how her conversation with them later tonight will go, dreading having to ask them to meet so she can break the news.

“No, it’s not them… I’ll handle the boys -- it’s probably better that you aren’t there when they lose their minds, so I’ll talk to them. It’s just… things are more complicated than you think. It’s not really as simple as helping me… there are things you still don’t know, and it’s not my place to tell you…” Jimin thinks back to the way Dumbledore had called the situation ‘infinitely more complicated’ than he knew, and the way Y/n’s talking right now has him going out on a limb.

“Is this… about Remus Lupin?” Y/n meets his eyes with alarm, her breath catching audibly in her throat, and Jimin knows he’s right. “He’s… like you, right? His friends are involved, too.” She gapes at him, unsure how to respond.

“How…” He looks away, rubbing at his neck uncomfortably.

“Well, the night I figured things out -- it was a few days before the full moon, so your symptoms were a little more apparent at the time. I saw him in the Great Hall the next day, and he was looking just like you… and his friends, they act a lot like Jungkook and Hoseok sometimes… it wasn’t hard to put it together.” Y/n sits there in silence, not certain if Jimin is just really observant and was hyper-aware of everything because he’d just realized such a monumental secret, or if she needs to talk to the Marauders and her own friends about being less conspicuous. Probably both. She barely hears Jimin when he starts talking again.

“Is… that what’s keeping you from letting me help? I swear I won’t say anything -- I’ll even pretend I don’t know about him. I’ll do anything.” She watches him as he starts to devolve into what’s probably the third rant in the last half hour alone, and she knows he’s desperate to prove himself to her. He doesn’t need to -- he’d made his innocence and kindness clear to her long before he’d had any idea of her affliction. It’s everything about him, really, that’s causing her so much pain. She’s scared for him.

“Jimin… are you sure this is what you want? We’re in the middle of a war… and you’re a muggleborn. If anyone were to find me out, and they link us… I don’t know what would happen to you. Everything’s so delicate and dangerous, I don’t know if I can put you in that kind of danger.” This time it’s Jimin that reaches out for her, slipping his fingers through her own and linking their hands once he has her in his hold. He looks entirely level-headed when he looks her in the eye and responds.

“I’m with you, Y/n. I’m with you.”

--

Y/n stares up at the entrance to Slytherin common room, a deep frown set into her features. She’d made what she’d believed to be the right choice by not having Jungkook and Hoseok in the same room when she told them about Jimin -- they have a habit of enabling each other’s worst characteristics, and the last thing she wants to deal with is two enraged boys in the middle of the night. But now that she’s here, having just left a furious Jungkook in the room of requirement, she’s not looking forward to having this conversation again.

Jungkook had been surprisingly calm when she’d broken to him that Jimin had discovered her secret, but if there’s only one thing in the world that Y/n can say with complete confidence, it’s that she knows Jeon Jungkook. The look of complete ease that he’d given her had terrified her far beyond any explosion of anger. She almost prefers that he had reacted. It had taken her the better half of an hour to calm him down, only feeling comfortable texting Hoseok that she was on her way to him when she’d seen an emotion cross Jungkook’s eyes other than blank detachment. Even then, it was only annoyance at the fact that she refused to let him “talk” to Jimin on his own.

Now, it’s almost 3am, and Y/n’s only brushing away her tragic attempt at reasoning with Jungkook when the door to the Slytherin common room slides open, revealing a sleepy-eyed, bedhead-ridden Hoseok. He’s only half-dressed, clearly unable to be bothered to care about his appearance this late at night. He scratches at his bare collarbone with one finger while he squints at her, his blatant concern hidden slightly by how disgruntled he looks.

“Do you have any idea what time it is? Why would you do this to me?” Y/n snorts, knowing from experience how objectively rude Hoseok can be in the first few minutes of being awake. She hopes he stays bogged down by his sleep-deprived mind long enough that he doesn’t completely lose it when she talks to him. She glances past him into the common room before responding.

“Is there somewhere we can talk in private? I have something to tell you.” Immediately, the sleep is gone from Hoseok’s eyes, and Y/n mourns the hope that he wouldn’t be clear-minded during their conversation. He nods once, pointing over his shoulder.

“My room’s fine.”

“Isn’t Yoongi there?” Hoseok shakes his head, a slight smile gracing his features while he explains.

“He got a call from Kim Seokjin not that long ago -- something about a late-night snack run and how eating alone is ‘a lonely habit’.” He shrugs, and Y/n guesses that Yoongi must get dragged out against his will by Kim Seokjin quite often if Hoseok is unbothered by it. Hoseok points again in the direction of his bedroom, and Y/n only follows with a nod.

By the time they return to his room, Hoseok’s awake enough to be self-conscious, so he’s searching for a shirt immediately, gesturing for Y/n to close the door behind her. Then he flops down onto his bed, crossing his legs and patting the spot at the end of his mattress for her. When she decides to remain standing, running her fingers along the edge of his bedpost awkwardly, Hoseok squints, suspicious.

“What happened?” Y/n closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, looking Hoseok head-on and ripping the metaphorical band-aid off.

“Jimin knows about me. He just told me. Before you say anything, we talked about it, and--”

“That little shit--” Hoseok’s standing from his bed, fists balled up in rage as he heaves out an enraged breath. “When I get my hands on that nosy, obnoxious fucking twerp--”

“Hoseok, wait! Wait.” Y/n holds her hands out in front of her, planting them on his chest while she stares up at him with wide eyes. “It’s okay! It’s fine, we talked! He’s not going to say anything to anyone, even about the stuff with Remus--” She’ll admit that saying that last part probably wasn’t her best idea, considering how Hoseok reacts, blind with fury.

“What do you mean? What does that mean?!” He’s growing louder now, and Y/n knows she has to calm him down before he wakes the entirety of Slytherin house. Taking his face in her hands, she tries to force him to focus solely on her, but it only results in Hoseok gripping at her wrists, desperation clear in the way his hold is shaking. He’s looking at her with wild eyes, demanding an explanation for something so wholly unacceptable, but Y/n can’t give that to him while he’s like this.

“Hoseok, I need you to breathe, okay? I’m okay. I will be okay. But I need you to lower your voice and breathe. Don’t think about anything else.” This display -- a total loss of control -- is what she’d expected from Jungkook, but the boy who’d been beside her their entire lives must have known better than to show his ruthless side and risk upsetting her. In this moment, Hoseok, who’s always so keen on hiding himself behind a mask, is seeing red the way he never has before, and that’s what scares Y/n most.

“Eyes on me, Hobi, hm? Look at me -- I’m right here, and I’m okay. Look at me. See? I’m perfectly fine. Nothing’s gonna happen to me, I promise.” She’d somehow managed to bring him down from his erratic high, keeping his face close until she could see in his eyes that he’s looking only at her. His breath is ragged, and if she thinks she’s caught the slightest tremble of his bottom lip when he opens his mouth, he’s hiding it well. But what he whispers to her breaks her heart clean in half.

“You can’t promise me that. The more people that know about you, the harder it is for me to trick myself into believing you.” Taking a breath to stop herself from tearing up, she releases him slowly, stepping back when he only moves to sit back down on the edge of his bed.

“Hobi… you can’t do anything to Jimin, okay? You can’t confront him or do anything rash. I mean it.” It takes a few moments, but finally Hoseok is lifting his eyes to meet hers. He nods, and Y/n knows that’s all she’ll be able to get out of him. She wishes it was enough, that weak agreement, but if there’s one other thing in the world she can say with complete confidence, it’s that she doesn’t know Hoseok quite as well as she knows Jungkook.

--

Jimin’s on his way to class the next morning, lost in his thoughts about Y/n -- he can’t seem to focus on anything else these days -- when he’s unceremoniously dragged by the back of his robes into an empty classroom and shoved against the nearest wall. Hissing at the pain, he barely has time to slump over and catch his breath before he’s being pinned back against the cold stone by a pair of very determined hands.

He stills completely when he finally lifts his gaze and meets the eyes of Jung Hoseok. The Slytherin is visibly furious, his glare almost manic as he pushes Jimin’s shoulders back into the wall. He only lets up when an involuntary cry of pain escapes Jimin, but he never lets the boy go.

“Now, you’re going to listen to what I have to say, and you’re going to listen closely. Yeah?” Jimin isn’t sure it’s a question that needs answering, considering that he’s literally trapped, but the increased pressure of Hoseok’s knuckles on his chest has him nodding frantically. Hoseok doesn’t release him when he leans down into his face.

“For some ungodly reason, Y/n has decided that you can be trusted, and I’m sure you loved that she said she’d talk to us so you wouldn’t have to do it yourself, huh? But I think that you deserve to have the whole picture, Park -- look at me when I’m talking to you.” Jimin had shut his eyes simply from the proximity of Hoseok’s hateful glare, unable to handle it, but when the older boy shakes him roughly, he opens his eyes so wide that he’s terrified to even blink.

“This game you’re playing? Using your obvious little crush on Y/n as an excuse to pry into her business and put her in danger just because you like sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong? It needs to stop. Because you don’t know all the rules, Jimin. And you don’t get any do-overs.” Jimin can feel the grip on his shirt starting to tremble, and at first he thinks maybe Hoseok’s so enraged that he’s actually shaking, but the glint in his eye tells Jimin differently. It tells him that Hoseok is scared -- he’s terrified. The uncertainty of Jimin’s existence in Y/n’s life -- not knowing if this is going to end badly for them -- it’s scaring him, and Jimin gets the feeling that Hoseok’s someone who deals with fear by being angry. Taking a very big risk, he whispers out to the 7th year.

“I swear, I just want to hel--agh!” Squeezing his eyes shut when Hoseok lifts him away from the wall and promptly slams him back into it, he doesn’t finish his plea. He can feel Hoseok’s breath fanning angrily over his face, and he swears a low growl rumbles from deep within the Slytherin’s chest when he responds.

“Shut up! You don’t know what that even means. You don’t know how to help. All you’ve done is screw things up for us, so let me welcome you into our little group with a warning.” A hand clamps the sides of Jimin’s jaw, lifting his face and squeezing hard until Jimin opens his eyes to look at Hoseok.

“You get one chance, so if you even come close to screwing that up, Y/n is the last thing you’ll have to worry about. Clear?” Jimin nods again, the hand on his face making that incredibly difficult. Finally, Hoseok releases him and steps back, watching with unmasked annoyance as Jimin fixes his clothes and rubs at all the spots he’s sure will be bruised by morning. They stare at each other, Hoseok eventually rolling his eyes with a sigh.

“Y/n told me you want to help. She asked me to mentor you in potion-making. I only agreed to it because she’s very stubborn when she wants to be, and someone needs to take over her doses. I won’t go easy on you, so you better be ready for a summer of hell. I need to know she’ll be safe with you once I’m gone, and frankly, I don’t even trust you to boil a pot of fucking water, much less a dangerous, highly sensitive potion.” Jimin swallows hard but doesn’t comment on the blatant insult, only processing that Jung Hoseok has agreed to train him.

Hoseok’s eyes flicker to the door, and Jimin takes that as his cue that the conversation -- if that’s what this was -- is finished, so he wanders out of the room in a slight daze, Hoseok following closely. As if the universe is telling him that this moment can, in fact, get much worse, Jimin meets the eyes of one Jeon Jungkook as the Gryffindor happens to be passing on the way to class. Where Hoseok’s glare was unbridled fire and rage, Jungkook’s gaze is turning to pure ice, and Jimin can’t decide which is worse. Jungkook doesn’t even acknowledge him as he passes, breaking eye contact and going on his way as if Jimin doesn’t even exist. Hoseok chuckles darkly behind him.

“I almost feel bad for you, Jimin. If you think you have it bad with me, you’re in for a real treat with Jungkook.”

[lucas-koh]

Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC XIV

Open Heart; only somewhat canon compliant.

Parts 1-13 linked in bio

Song: When My Love Won’t Stick To You - Whitaker

Rating: M, swearing, sexual language, references of violence

Word Count: 3286

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela @eleanorbloom @bryceslahela @thegreentwin @kelseaaa @kingkassam || please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from this list

A/N: just to say Stitches will not be updating next Friday, since it’s Christmas Day I will not be majorly online. I’ll be posting again Jan 1st 2021💛

Chapter Fourteen: Everything Goes But The Memories Made

“What?” She barely whispered, her head spinning. Bryce had just revealed to her that he remembered her from their college days when they’d shared a kiss once, drunk.

He looked nervous, afraid to continue, but he did.

“Truth be told, I always had a soft spot for you. You know when you just feel warm around someone, even if you barely know them? That’s how you made me feel. When I’d see you studying at the library with snacks and coffee splayed all around you, or when I’d see you at the hospital for lectures, it was always just a mental ‘hey, I know you’ and suddenly everything would feel okay. Seeing someone you recognise is really grounding, you know? Especially when there’s a distance and you don’t really know them. And I liked the competition of it all, that you were so smart and always number 1 but didn’t even know it was me at number 2, because you were so confident in your own abilities you didn’t need to look back. I wanted to be your friend, but you didn’t seem to have the time, so I let you be. And then you kissed me at that frat party and I thought, god, this is amazing. I didn’t think into it too much - college and all - but I have thought about it a lot since. And then when you crashed into me on our first day at Edenbrook, at first I didn’t know who you were. You look different, you know. It’s been like, seven years, after all, it wasn’t until I saw your name tag that it hit me. Why you’d felt so familiar. But I wanted to wait until you recognised me too, if you even did. And then when you did, I got nervous, and tried to ignore it.”

Holy shit. He… he really remembered me. Not even just from the kiss, either, he remembered me before that.

Suki stammered a little before the words came out, “…Bryce… I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say?”

“Honestly? I was embarrassed that you didn’t recognise me to begin with. More so, I was embarrassed that I’d known you and recognised you and always thought about you every now and then and you hadn’t,” he said. “I guess it felt sort of… creepy?”

“Wow…” was all she could stifle out. She was at a loss for much more.

Bryce had remembered her, for all this time. Things felt like they were looking up, the way he’d opened up to her and finally told her the truth. Unfortunately, the altercation with Fred and Ben wouldn’t stop nagging at the back of Suki’s brain.

“…sorry,” Bryce exhaled, rubbing his hand across his neck bashfully.

“No, I- don’t worry. I get it. It was just a kiss I’m sure you had loads, but it’s weird.”

“This is why- I didn’t want you to think I was weird.”

“No! Not you! I’m really glad I’m not forgettable,” she laughed lightly, “it’s weird that… oh god it’s going to sound ridiculous.”

“It can’t sound more ridiculous than what I just said. I won’t laugh,” he said, then twisted the corner of his mouth up into a grin, “maybe.”

She sighed, burying her head in her hands before coming out with it. “I guess it just feel like we keep being pulled together, like, i don’t know,” she felt her cheeks become seriously hot, “fate.”

Bryce had lied, because he burst out laughing, which then devolved into a coughing fit and had Suki patting him on the back. Maybe a little harder than she was meant to.

“Ow!”

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Except she was laughing, too.

“I know, I know. You just looked funny. Honestly? I do see what you mean. All signs pointing to us ended up here,” he gestured between them, sat facing each-other in his bed.

Maybe this cosmic power she’d been cursing for all the early embarrassing encounters wasn’t so bad after all.

—-

Bryce and Suki talked for hours about college, and their stories, and people they knew in common. They laughed about how Suki didn’t even know Bryce sat near her in most lectures, and only knew him by his reputation.

A little later, after raking through Bryce’s Stanford yearbook and finding Suki in there, Bryce pulled out his high school yearbook.

“This is my senior photo. Just before graduation.”

Bryce was smiling up from the page, his golden tinged hair darker and shoulder length, and silver piercings shone from his ear, eyebrow, nostril, and lip. When Suki had known him he’d been piercing free.

“Oh my god! Why the hell did you stop looking like this for college? You know, I might’ve actually spoken to you if you’d looked like this.”

“Eh. I wanted to be taken more seriously. Why?”

“Don’t make me say it you dick.”

He nudged closer, smug all over his face. “What?”

“Because it looks good on you.”

“So I don’t look good like this?” He motioned down his body, which might’ve been sexy if he was in better shape. Well, as in his cold. His physique was perfect…

Suki gave him an affectionately knowing smile, “of course you do. I like the way you look very much,” she nodded. Then when Bryce’s face lit up she added: “but you’re not going to catch me saying that again anytime soon, okay? Your ego is big enough.”

Bryce moved to get up from the bed, “look, I’m just going to the piercing shop I won’t be long-“

Suki pulled him back down to the bed with a laugh, “Bryce! Although I wouldn’t oppose I’m not sure you’d be allowed in surgeries looking like metal face.”

“It would make things interesting though…”

“What?”

“A lip ring. Maybe a tongue ring. Imagine the kissing, or me going down on you…”

“Bryce.”

“What! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t consider it.”

“You are not getting any action while you’re sick.”

He leaned closer to her in the bed, “I got you to kiss me.”

She sighed and pulled the back of her hand up to check his temperature. Before she got there however, he took it from her.

“What’s this?” He brushed a finger lightly across her fingers, by the edge of the bandaging.

Ah, crap. This guy really does make me lose my mind. I’d forget my name if I spent too long around him.

“Work casualty,” she tried to laugh nonchalantly and pull her hand back to his forehead to seem normal. But he brought it back down to inspect it. His brow furrowed as he tried to decide what was under the gauze, and then he used one of his hands to grab Suki’s other one. He turned this one so that the palm was facing up and the scars from the month before were visible; standing paler than her skin tone right in the centre.

He held each hand in his own like they were feathers, opposite directions up.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, moving his thumb as if about to graze over the scars, asking permission.

“No, go ahead.”

He followed the neat shape of the puckered skin with the pad of his thumb, as gentle as he had been when he’d stitched it. Suki’s hand felt cold under his touch, the sensation on her scar able to feel each fingerprint dragging over.

He dropped her scarred hand somewhat to the mattress, but still held it in his own, shifting their hands slightly so that it was more of a classic hand-hold.

Suki tried not to focus on the bolt of electricity coursing from that spot. She’d wanted to hold his hand for so long, and here he was holding it like it was no big deal. His thumb ran up and down her skin in a soothing motion.

He turned his attention to the other, biting his lip as he looked.

“Whatever caused this, it’s gonna have to answer some questions.”

“It was just, uh, slammed it in the double doors. Those are heavy,” she cleared her throat, hating every fibre of herself for lying.

“Stupid door.” He brought his face down to the bandaged hand and placed a featherlight kiss to the top of her knuckles, “I’m a surgeon, I have magic kisses.”

“Oh dear,” she laughed, a little breathless and trying to seem light and uncaring, “did you take some medicine this morning? I think it’s kicking in.”

He chuckled, almost back to his usual Bryce chuckle, “but,” he cleared his throat, clearly gearing up to make a cheeky comment by the smirk on his face, “if I had a tongue piercing, my kisses really would be magic.”

“Oh my god,” Suki couldn’t help but laugh at him.

As they laughed together on Bryce’s bed, hands tangled together and bodies close, Suki truly felt happy. Like things really could work out for her. For them. And Suki was having an amazing time just being with Bryce.

The only problem was the albatross hanging around her neck.

—-

The next thing Suki knew, she was waking up in Bryce’s bed. He was sat beside her, scrolling through his phone.

She blinked her eyes a few times to make sure she was seeing things right, and moved to sit up.

“I… fell asleep?” She asked groggily, causing Bryce to turn to face her. He smiled when he saw her.

“Yeah. I figured I should just let you, you seemed pretty tired.”

She realised she must’ve fallen asleep when Bryce had been searching for some Stanford pictures, because that was the last thing she remembered.

She sighed, “you should’ve woken me.”

“Nah, you were working all night.”

And getting into it with your colleagues…

She sighed again and bit her lip, figuratively and physically.

“You really should’ve woken me,” she whispered, unable to handle Bryce treating her like this knowing she’d stuck her nose where it didn’t belong.

He smiled back at her, she could see in his face that he knew something was up.

“You’re fine. It’s what friends do.”

“Bryce.” She felt like she was sighing his name a lot these days, and not in the way either of them liked the most.

He twisted his face up into a grin and Suki noticed his eyes were much brighter now, “Suki.”

She rolled her eyes, but she was terrible at hiding her guilt. She had to get out of there, because if Bryce was the one trying to alleviate it she’d feel even worse. She started to shift in the bed, but Bryce reached an arm out over her waist.

She just sort of lay there shocked as he shifted over closer to her, putting his torso over hers.

“At least let me try and kiss away some of those frown lines. If I remember correctly, it’s one of our benefits,” he smirked, hell-bent on making her feel better and in turn making her feel even worse. She couldn’t kiss him and feel like it was okay, because even that, even what was happening at that moment, felt like overstepping and taking it too far and Suki knew that it was on her. She was the one who caught feelings, who started blurring the lines and the rules and taking liberties where possible. She was the one unable to tell Bryce the truth. About her feelings or about her meddling.

But she also knew they were on borrowed time, and this might be the last chance she had to kiss him.

So she put as much as she could into it as she pulled his face to hers, hands on his cheeks and feeling the soft skin with a little bit of stubble beginning to come through, committing it to memory. Her lips pressed to his slowly but definitely, making sure each inch of herself was tied to him. With the kiss her head was filled with every other kiss they’d shared: at college, in the supply closet, at the housewarming party, and the many since. He wasn’t trying to force more like he had earlier, he seemed to be savouring it as much as she was, his lips sweet and slightly chapped but so familiar and Suki felt at home.

Kissing him was that to her.

She felt her face scrunch up as she kissed him, praying to god this wasn’t the last time. His familiar citrus scent washed over her and she never wanted to stop kissing him.

Reluctantly, but knowing she had to, Suki pulled her mouth from Bryce’s. Her eyes were glued shut and her forehead lulled against his, feeling his hair tickle her skin and his hot breaths wash over her face.

“Woah…” he exhaled, speechless to say much more.

Bryce’s kindness and the fact that she liked him so ridiculously much just meant that Suki’s guilt kept growing and growing. She just knew this couldn’t last.

—-

A couple of days passed by and Suki had been bogged down with work again, and hadn’t been able to see Bryce since that day. He’d texted a couple of times and seemed to be on rising spirits, so she was pleased about that.

It was just, every time she thought about Bryce, she couldn’t help but think about what she’d done.

Or about how the clock was ticking down until he found out.

And it was.

Bryce was back to work that day, he’d told her, and she was filled with anxiety the entire time.

Suki was on her way home later that day, just about to enter her apartment building when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“We need to talk.” It was dark and low and every part of her went cold. She turned to face him, that face of her dreams stern and distant and everything she never wanted to see.

“Okay. There’s people home. We can go to the river.”

Bryce just nodded and started in the other direction.

Suki nervously followed behind him, afraid to catch up for she didn’t know what to say. Building in her chest were nerves and dread and like a hairline crack in her heart which she knew would expand soon enough.

She thought about the last time she saw him, the kiss they shared. How happy they’d been.

They came to the river as the sun was just setting, sparkling over the water like constellations. Bryce’s soft caramel skin was golden in the sunlight, the light reflecting in his eyes and Suki’s heart was put through a wringer just looking at him. Was this it? The last time she’d ever get to see him like this?

Suki searched her brain for ways to start, how to apologise, but Bryce beat her to it.

“Why, Suki?” It wasn’t anger, it was at a loss.

“Why what?” Bad move, Suki. He knows. There’s no point still lying to him.

“Why did you meddle in my business?”

“Because they had no right to do what they did.”

“You’ve made it worse! Now they’re never going to leave me alone! I don’t care about being liked I care about doing my fucking job! It was fine—it was over!” Bryce’s voice was now angry. Suki wasn’t sure which hurt worse. Or maybe they exacerbated each-other, like a hammer and a nail. The nail was the disappointment, and the anger just kept bruising it further into her chest.

“I- are you really pissed at me for standing up for you?” If she just let him know her intentions, maybe she could fix this.

“I’m pissed at you for going and stirring shit up! You crossed a line!”

“It wasn’t just me, Jackie was there too and I don’t see you yelling at her.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with Jackie!”

“What?” She spat.

“You-” his face scrunched up and she felt her heart scrunch with it, “you kissed me. Twice! Knowing you’d gone behind my back and disrupted things.”

“What did you mean you’re ‘not sleeping with Jackie’? Why does that mean we’re held to different standards?” She asked, her voice raised, ignoring his words because the truth hurt too much to say.

“And you didn’t tell me! You spent the entire day with me where you could’ve mentioned it and you didn’t even bother! I thought we were-” He ignored her too, but his voice halted like he couldn’t say what came next.

She couldn’t tell if his voice was breaking from the cold or the anger – but it was heartbreaking.

“No, I didn’t, because I had no clue how you’d react. And look! You’re so… mad,” as she said the last words her voice shook and it came out like a whisper. In fact, her hands started shaking too. Her eyes were beginning to blur from stinging tears welling at the bottom. She’d upset him – the last thing she ever wanted to do.

“You’re damn right I’m mad!” He yelled, and Suki flinched at the noise. “Your hand – you told me you shut it in a fucking car door! I saw his face Suki. You seriously hit him? For some stupid petty rumours?”

“Yes, I hit him,” she could really feel the tears coming as she spoke firm and loud, “he could’ve fucked everything up for you.” And it was cloying with her words, when it came to Bryce, it seemed the anger couldn’t come without pain, too.

“He’s not the only one who fucked things up for me. I mean, you violated my trust,” he shook his head, his hair blowing in the light breeze, “I trusted you,” he said this quieter, and Suki got the impression he wouldn’t have been able to yell it. It was hurt.

“And I ruined that.” I ruined everything. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’ve never cared for someone like this.

“Yeah. You went behind my back on something I told you in confidence, and then lied to me about it. I feel so fucking—” he shook his head, at a loss for words. But he looked embarrassed.

“That wasn’t—I—just wanted to them to know how bad they fucked up! I was so mad that they did that to you.”

“It was months ago! It’s over, old news! And it was my problem to solve.”

“Well you matter to me! Okay?” It came out like a sneeze she couldn’t hold back and her heart was beating more rapidly as soon as she said it. Shit.

Bryce’s expression then was completely unreadable. Suki had no idea what was going on in his head. He just looked at her like that for a few moments, her statement hanging in the air like cigarette smoke. And then Bryce finally came out with something.

“We’re sleeping together Suki – what did you think you were doing?”

And her head was running like a machine; all cogs and whirring and sparks and clanging. The emphasis he’d put on that one word, and she knew where this was headed. Every bad dream, every nauseous predictive thought she’d had lately was laid out in front of her and coming true.

She didn’t want to ask her next question. But she had to. She had to. She knew it wouldn’t come out with any semblance of strength, but at this point, it didn’t really matter.

“So I am just a body to you?” she whispered it with a heaviness which hung in the air. They both knew this moment was going to change everything. There was no going back from here.

Bryce stared at her steely-eyed and jaw clenched so hard it looked like it might pop. She wasn’t prepared for his next word. She never would be.

“Yes.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior. 

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!! 

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like. 

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun. 

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above. 

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history. 

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine. 

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series. 

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY. 

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night 

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of  “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing. 

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask! 

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

[typhos-c-dragon]

Tag! You're It

Second DT Drabble, y'all! Just a heads up, this takes place in between chapters 18 and 19 of DTfiles, though I still recommend that you read chapter 19 before reading this.

Emma turned off the sink of the Watcher World's women's restroom, pumping out two sheets of paper towels from the dispenser. God, this place really was old-fashioned, wasn't it? If they couldn't afford an air-dryer or two, couldn't they have at least gotten one of those motion-activated towel dispenser things?

As Emma finished drying her hands, she couldn't help but feel like she was being... well, watched. Undoubtedly due to some chucklefuck's brilliant idea to have eye designs plastered throughout the restroom. Seriously, she could understand wanting to adhere to the park's theming, but this was just too much.

Still, she forced herself to disregard the weirdness of it all. She had a boyfriend waiting outside the Drowsy Town Theater who was probably worried sick about her. Maybe she should've asked Paul to walk with her to the restroom, might've quelled their worries a bit. Again, Emma shoved the thought aside. She was here for business. Business she wasn't getting paid for, mind you, but business nonetheless.

But as Emma stepped out of the restroom and into the balmy 70° air, she was met with a sight she wasn't expecting. The Blinky mascot she and Paul had encountered in the gift shop, standing mere feet away from the entrance to the women's restroom. Staring directly at her.

"Hello again~" Blinky greeted her in that familiar childlike voice. "Did you miss Blinky?"

"Not particularly, no," Emma replied in a deadpan tone, not willing to deal with more bullshit from this creep who threw Paul into a panic attack earlier. She attempted to walk around the stout purple cyclops, only for him to sidestep into her path. "Mind getting out of my way? I've got places to be."

Blinky didn't respond, simply choosing to stay frozen to his spot and wordlessly peer down at her. Emma could've sworn she heard him breathing heavily.

"Fucking move, dude!" she groaned irritably, attempting to step around him once more. Once again, Blinky shuffled into her path. "I don't have time for this!"

"Hehehehehe~" Blinky giggled. Did... did his lower eyelid just twitch? "Little Emma's getting grumpy~"

Emma froze. How did he know her name? She hadn't mentioned it during their first encounter, had she?

"Still afraid of what daddy told you~?" Blinky continued. "Still think that Blinky likes to hang around little girls?"

Emma's heart leapt into her throat, her eyes widening. "Wh-what!?" she sputtered in shock. How the fuck did he know about that!? Dad had always said it out of earshot! Not to mention that it'd been almost two decades since her last visit to Watcher World. Emma swallowed, attempting to hide her unease. "L-look, what do you want with me, man!?"

"You said to stay away from Paul," Blinky recalled, raising his arms up. "So Blinky wants to play with you instead~"

Blinky swung his arms out to grab her, and Emma narrowly dodged out of the way, stumbling to the ground. She looked around at the passing park-goers, who all appeared blissfully unaware. Had nobody seen that!? Emma looked back up at Blinky, who was slowly approaching her.

"Hehehehehehe~ Little Emmy Doll wants to play tag~" he chortled gleefully.

As Blinky came closer, Emma began to consider her options, trying to remain calm. Blinky was blocking her way back to the Drowsy Town Theater, and he'd probably grab her if she tried to charge past him. Not to mention, Paul was most likely still there, and Emma feared what would happen if she led Blinky back to him. She had no choice. She had to run in the opposite direction and hope Blinky lost track of her.

Not willing to let the cyclops come any closer, Emma rushed to her feet and sprinted off. As the distance between her and Blinky grew longer and longer, she could hear him burst into another giggle fit. She chanced a glance over her shoulder, and saw that Blinky was now giving chase, running after her on all fours like an animal. He appeared to be gaining on her, which gave her a jolt of adrenaline that allowed her to speed up a bit. God, of all the days to be chased, why'd it have to be the one where she chose to wear sandals?

Emma continued to run through the park, the sound of Blinky's ecstatic giggling growing closer by the second. She could still see the other park-goers in the corners of her vision, but they weren't doing anything to help her escape from this... thing that was clearly chasing her! If anything, they were just watching the chase play out!

Up ahead, Emma saw an opportunity to take a sharp right turn. An arrow-shaped sign pointing in that direction that read "This way to the Eye-Drop!". Emma continued to run straight for as long as she could before suddenly bolting to the right. When she glanced over her shoulder again, she saw her plan had worked. Blinky had anticipated that she would keep running straight, only to realize he had to force himself to turn at the last second, causing him to awkwardly skid to a halt. She could just barely see him tumble over as she turned back around. Emma took the opportunity to hide, ducking behind a wall and nestling herself between a vendor cart selling purple lemonade (whether it was actual grape-lemonade or just regular lemonade with purple food coloring is not something Emma was particularly concerned with at the moment) and an overflowing trash can.

Catching her breath, Emma cautiously peeked out from her hiding spot, surveying the area in case she had to start running again. The Eye-Drop, apparently a log flume ride, looked to be at the edge of the park. So unless she wanted to try her luck at climbing over the chain-link fence and escaping into the Witchwood surrounding the park, Emma was stuck in a dead end. The best case scenario was that Blinky walked into the center of the clearing without seeing her, so Emma could carefully sneak back out the way she came to go get help.

But when Emma glanced back towards the entrance, she saw that Blinky was just standing there, blocking her only way out as he scanned the area with his massive yellow eye. Emma wanted to scream. She was trapped, she was terrified, and her lungs felt like they were on fire from running. She had an idea. An idea she didn't wanna go through with lest it put Paul in danger, but an idea nonetheless.

Pulling her phone from her pocket (thank fuck she wore shorts with real pockets today), Emma tapped on Paul's contact, marked with his name and a pair of blue heart emojis. She considered calling him, but quickly banished the thought. If she called, Blinky would hear her. She just had to send Paul a quick message to let him know something was wrong, where she was, and that he needed to get to her ASAP. Thinking quickly, Emma typed up a message.

"PAUL SOS IN FRONT OF EYE-DROP"

Emma sent the message and put her phone away, praying that Paul didn't leave his phone on silent again. But just when she thought she could take a moment to breathe, the massive yellow eye of Blinky came into view, and Emma let out an instinctual scream of terror.

"Peekaboo, Emmy Doll~!" the cyclops exclaimed mockingly.

Before Emma could protest, Blinky lurched forward and grabbed her, lifting her from the ground with ease. He wrapped his bulky purple arms around her waist, pressing her back against his belly and pinning her arms to her sides. Despite how his tight grip was quickly squeezing the air from her lungs, Emma screamed as loudly as she could muster, kicking her legs out wildly as Blinky carried her out to the center of the clearing.

"No! No!" she cried, tears of fear stinging her eyes. "Put me down, please!"

"Hehehehehehe-HAAAAH~" Blinky giggled, punctuating it with a disgusting croak. "You're a squirmy little wormy, Emmy Doll~"

As Blinky stopped in the center of the clearing, he lowered Emma back down. He didn't release his grip on her, but her feet were touching solid ground again. Emma continued to scream, begging the people around her for help. But they didn't come to her aid. They just watched, with wide smiles and hungry purple eyes. Had they always been that color? Anyone who wasn't in line for the Eye-Drop or operating the ride had crowded around, presumably to watch Blinky do... whatever he was planning to do to her. Torture her, most likely. The reality of the situation began to sink in, and Emma's screams devolved into desperate cries.

"Please, just let me go!" she pleaded, hating how vulnerable and weak she sounded. She continued to try and thrash out of Blinky's grip, to no avail.

"We'll have none of that, miss!" an unfamiliar voice spoke up. "Here at Watcher World, we have a strict 'No crying' policy!"

Emma opened her tear-filled eyes to see three purple-outfitted people standing in front of her. A smiling man in a barker's outfit, a little old woman wrapped in a starry robe and shawl, and a stone-faced man in an usher's uniform.

"Wha...?" Emma huffed out tearfully. "Who-?"

"We're here to bring you to your big star turn at the Drowsy Town Theater, miss!" the Barker cut her off. "You've got a knack for this acting thing, don't you, miss? After all, you were in Brigadoon in highschool, and you fucking killed it, correct?"

Emma could only err and stammer in confusion as the Barker rambled on. She didn't even bother to ask herself how this random stranger knew about her 2003 portrayal of Bonnie Jean in Hatchetfield High's production of Brigadoon.

"Look at the poor dear!" the old woman spoke up, her voice pitying and condescending. "She's all shaken up!"

"Must be having stage fright," the Usher man said, his voice as flat as his appearance. He looked to the white-haired old woman. "Why don't you do your thing, Madame Iris?"

"Gladly, my boy!"

The old woman- Madame Iris apparently, stepped forward and raised her wrinkled, bony hands. The tips of her long, talon-like nails grazed Emma's face, sending a shiver of repulsion down her spine. The robe-clad old woman muttered a string of nonsense under her breath, and her appearance began to change. Her withered skin became smooth and youthful, her frizzy gray hair turned brown and silky, clean white teeth began to sprout out of her gums where they hadn't been before, and her robes and shawl morphed into a yellow tank top and jean shorts. Soon enough, where the old woman once stood, was a mirror replica of Emma herself.

The crowd around Emma cheered and clapped. Blinky- who still had Emma trapped in his arms, giggled in delight. Emma herself looked down at her legs, relieved to see that she hadn't somehow shifted into the haggard old woman. The woman wearing Emma's skin laughed, with Emma's laugh.

"Ah, look at me!" she cried happily, relishing her new look. "I'm a knockout! I'm as spry as a bird!"

Emma could've vomited watching this batshit old crone dancing around in her skin, running her hands over the skin of her arms and laughing in her voice. Though Emma did notice one thing off about her little spell.

"Nice try, dumbass," she spat bitterly. "My eyes are brown, not purple."

The not-Emma merely shrugged in reply. "We can't get rid of Lord Blinky's mark on us, no matter how drastically we change our appearance," she explained casually. "I'm sure it'll still be enough to fool your little boy toy, my dear~"

Emma's heart nearly stopped. "Wh-what're you going to do with Paul!?"

"That's not important, miss!" the Barker chimed in, stepping back up. "What's important is that we get you ready for your big debut at 5!"

"What the fuck does that mean!?" Emma demanded, trying once more to futilely worm her way out of Blinky's iron grip. "What're you going to do to me!?"

The Barker stepped aside, allowing the Usher to take his place. The Usher stooped down so he was at eye level with Emma, gently took her chin in his hand, and locked eyes with her.

"Aren't you tired, sweetheart~?" the Usher asked in a soft, strangely familiar voice. "Don't you want to sleep~?"

Emma felt her eyelids begin to droop, and her heart rate slow. "Puh-Paul...?" she asked drowsily.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart~" Paul- no, the Usher, no... Paul... told her gently. "Come to Drowsy Town with me~"

Emma fought to stay awake, but Paul... God, his voice was so soothing... And his hand felt so gentle on her face... So familiar, so reassuring...

She couldn't help but drift off.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 3 of 26

Title: Acceptance (The Southern Reach #3) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Weird, First-Person, Second-Person, Third-Person, Unreliable Narrator, Female Protagonists, LGBT Protagonist

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 1/11/2021

Date Finished: 1/20/2021

Area X, a self-aware wilderness along the coast, has existed for decades behind a mysterious border. The landscape itself annihilates humans and repurposes them for its own ends. Hundreds of people have died attempting to uncover its secrets. But no one has yet discovered its origins or true purpose.

Now, Area X has spread past its former borders, perhaps to the entire world. Acceptance follows several key figures through the history of Area X, and their attempts to fight against an impossible threat.  

You feel numb and you feel broken, but there’s a strange relief mixed in with the regret: to come such a long way, to come to a halt here, without knowing how it will turn out, and yet... to rest. To come to rest. Finally. All your plans back at the Southern Reach, the agonizing and constant fear of failure or worse, the price of that... all of it leaking out into the sand beside you in gritty red pearls. 

Full review, major spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Extreme body horror, altered states of mind, and psychological manipulation, including hypnosis. Several characters lose their sanity, and you see it happen in real time from their perspective. Intentional self-harm/mutilation as a plot point. Some violence and gore. There are brief references to animal abuse and terminal cancer. Not many happy endings in this one.  

This review contains major series spoilers. It’s also super long, as the book covers a lot of material. 

Acceptance is the most narratively ambitious book in the Southern Reach trilogy. While Annihilation and Authority feature a single protagonist/perspective, this one has four rotating POVs and one guest narrator partway through the book. It also covers a broader timeline than previous entries, from the origins of Area X 30-ish years ago to the ongoing present-day apocalypse. Acceptance is one of the few books I've read that utilizes first-, second-, AND third-person narration in a single volume, adopting whichever one makes the most sense for the character and their situation

While this sounds complicated, it's basically just a way to tell four different stories at the same time. VanderMeer also uses each storyline to address the major questions of the series. How did Area X come to be? What happened to the biologist? What was the former director of the Southern Reach trying to accomplish? And perhaps most pressing-- what is the fate of the world now that Area X has spread? Not everything is resolved, but it's definitely a conclusion.

The stories have some unifying connections, containing similar themes and callbacks/references to each other. However, for the purposes of this review I will be looking at each story and protagonist individually.

First up is Saul Evans the lighthouse keeper. He's been mentioned before, but never in much detail. Going in, we know a few things-- (1) he knew the director/Cynthia when she was a child and (2) something happened to him that turned him into the Crawler, the eldritch creature which writes the sermon on the walls of the tower in Area X. In Acceptance, we learn he's a former preacher who had a crisis of faith and left his old life, taking up the role of lighthouse keeper on the forgotten coast. It's implied this is partially due to him realizing he's gay and fleeing the resulting homophobic fallout. His past vocation explains the elevated, sermonic language of the words in the tower.

From the onset Saul is an intensely likeable character. He's trying to build a happier and more genuine life for himself. This part probably takes place during the 70s or 80s, but he's cautiously optimistic about his new life with a local fisherman named Charlie. He also forms an unlikely friendship with Gloria (aka Cynthia), a local kid who loves exploring the coast. However, he is tormented by the "Séance and Science Brigade", a shady organization that investigates/worships(?) paranormal phenomena. They sabotage the lighthouse beacon, which we learned in Authority is a marvelous piece of technology with a mysterious history. Shortly after, Saul accidentally absorbs a fragment of the beacon into himself, and shit goes downhill real fast.

While the catalyst of Area X may seem a little weird, the reader can piece together that part of the beacon has extraterrestrial origins, and Saul unintentionally activates part of it. The gradual shift from a normal life to something deeply unsettling has its appeal. I especially like seeing his logs/journal entries and how they devolve as proto-Area X overtakes his mind. The disturbing bar scene near the end is great as well. We know going in that this story has a bad ending (from a human perspective), but learning specifics about Saul as a person gives this more impact. Saul's is a sad tale of a man who wants to make a better life for himself and gets screwed over by bad luck.

Cynthia/Gloria/the former director is the next perspective character. In Annihilation she serves as the antagonist, but in Authority we learn it isn't that simple. She had ulterior motives, handpicking the biologist for the expedition in order to use her as a weapon against Area X. And, of course, we learn she was the little girl in that old picture of Saul, which means she probably grew up there before the border came down. 

This part opens with Cynthia/Gloria's death as "the psychologist" in Annihilation, but told from her perspective. From there, the pacing is a little slow, in similar style to Authority. We learn how Cynthia lived her daily life, how she infiltrated the Southern Reach, and her interpersonal relationships with Grace, Whitby, and Lowry. However, her storyline ramps up when detailing Area X and the lead up to twelfth expedition. Lots of old scenes/dynamics from Annihilation hit different with the new context. Especially interesting is the interview between Cynthia and the biologist; turns out there was a lot more context that the biologist obscured in her story. On some level we already knew she was an unreliable narrator, but it's fun to have it pop up again in a different book entirely.

I admire how VanderMeer makes someone who comes off as a throwaway villain into the one of the most complex, important characters in the series. This part is also really cool as it's written in second-person perspective, and the story justification for this (Area X examining her memories) is neat. While I like Cynthia's characterization in this part, the additional bits in Saul's story and his interactions with Gloria add helpful context and emotional impact. The end of the book being her letter to Saul is so damn sad.

The third main storyline follows Control and Ghost Bird in the "current" timeline-- exploring Area X in the immediate fallout of Authority. I love this part for several reasons. The contrast between the two leads and how they perceive themselves, Area X, and the current situation is great. Control is very much losing control, feeling "the brightness" taking over (a callback to Annihilation). Meanwhile, Ghost Bird is in her element, seeing and experiencing things the regular human characters do not. There's the sense that she's truly something "new" in terms of both humanity and Area X.

We also learn a ton of stuff about Area X that is hinted in earlier volumes but confirmed in Acceptance. (MAJOR SPOILERS) The first is that Area X isn't on Earth at all; something briefly hinted at in Annihilation, when the biologist doesn't recognize the stars in the sky.  Instead it mimics Earth, or something representative of it. The second big thing is that time works differently here. The uncanny state of decay noted in earlier books isn't actually a direct result of Area X. It's just the passage of time, because way more time passes in Area X compared to the "real" world.

The guest narrator/story is told within the Control/Ghost Bird storyline. The two meet up with Grace, who has managed to survive the Area X attack on the Southern Reach. She took shelter on the mysterious northern island and discovered an old journal written by... the biologist from Annihilation, which details what happened to her over the last THIRTY YEARS (yeah, the time thing) until she finally decided to give into Area X.

This section is sobering and sad; basically a glimpse at how the biologist's isolation slowly made her go mad. She finds an owl (hello cover) that she believes is her husband post Area X conversion and the two live together for decades. When it dies, the biologist loses the will to keep fighting Area X. It's ambiguous if the owl really is her husband, or if she's just projecting, but her heartbreak at the end is probably the strongest emotion she shows in the series. But what is interesting about this part is it confirms a cool detail. Injury and pain can halt the progression of "the brightness" within someone. Which is how the biologist managed to survive 30 years, how Grace survived what turns out to be 3 years, and so on. Even more interesting, when someone DOES finally succumb after warding off the brightness this way, they turn into something more strange and alien. Hence the moaning creature, and Saul/the Crawler. It's also probably why some creatures have incongruencies, like the dolphins with human eyes.

The biologist? She transformed into a giant, oceanic eldritch abomination COVERED in eyes. Just primo aesthetic. We get to see her from both Ghost Bird and Control's perspectives. Ghost Bird feels solidarity and a sort of euphoria meeting her alternate self. Control... basically breaks in the face of something like that, full cosmic horror style. Again, the contrast here is really appealing to me.

Both of their story arcs end in a way that is narratively satisfying, though the ending is open. The future seems hopeful in a bittersweet way, but presumably Area X has destroyed humanity as we know it. Whether that's a good or bad thing depends on your perspective and is a central thesis of the series.

So, I said I'd discuss how this series approaches aliens. While there's an appeal to anthropomorphic alien species one can talk to and communicate with, I think an "unknowable" perspective is more realistic. After all, who's to say alien life formed under similar conditions or has any resemblance to our own? The extraterrestrial element in The Southern Reach is very much this type. But it's a fine line to walk in fiction, because handwaving the weird alien stuff as impossible to comprehend (and thus conveniently ducking any responsibility for explaining it) is lazy writing when done wrong.

The thing I find interesting about this series is the human characters understand lots of the what of the alien elements, but not the why. For example, Area X transforms humans into various plants and animals. We know it instills a sense of "brightness" in humans exposed for too long, which encourages assimilation into itself. Humans infected in this way, even if horrified or resistant, have thoughts of this being inevitable, even a good thing. The biologist takes samples in Annihilation and finds several plants and animals have human cells. Control logically knows what Area X does to people, but he is ultimately helpless to resist the process when he experiences it firsthand.

As for the why of it all... we don't really know! There's multiple ideas presented throughout the story. Ghost Bird probably gets closest to the "truth"; that Area X is part of a machine organism from a dead alien civilization, and that it has a bizarre effect on Earth's biology based on its now defunct programming. Other worlds would have their own Area Xes based on this idea, as it's implied the Earth version is just one piece of many. But it's worth noting that Ghost Bird is a creation of Area X and sees things differently than the other characters. Unreliable narration is ironically consistent through the series. So it's hard to say if this is true or not; perhaps it's silly to think any explanation would be understandable to a human mind. Obsession with finding the answer is a recurring theme that drives characters insane. I think this is an interesting compromise when discussing the unknowable; to have some facts and theories but not necessarily a concrete answer. 

If I have a criticism for this book, it's the role of the "Séance and Science Brigade", especially in Saul's storyline. While they're set up earlier in the series, we only really see them in this book. Our limited perspective via Saul leaves a lot of ambiguity as to their purpose, function, and goals. There's an implication that Control's family influenced the organization's decision to sabotage the beacon and create Area X. But I consider the subplot with Control's mom/grandfather to be one of the weaker ones in the series, and this book didn't help. The S&SB comes off as campy and ineffectual, which is perhaps intentional? But since they're narratively the fanatics who caused Area X to happen, I really wish they felt more sinister and impactful. There's some attempt to make them scary, but it's not very convincing when compared to Area X. Kind of like a Saturday morning cartoon villain vs the unknowable cosmic horror of the universe. This is a nitpick, though.

While rereading the series, I discovered there's a planned fourth book which may or may not star a minor character from Saul's story. I'm interested to see what else there is to explore about Area X and the Southern Reach. As it stands, I still really like this series. Between the horror and general weirdness, it's not for everyone, but it sure does appeal to me. I think this is one of those series that you'll either adore or hate. Obviously I recommend it.

[simtrospective]

SCRAPPED STORY CHALLENGE by @bugsims

01. Post a few screenshots from a scrapped scene / edit / story! 02. Share why you scrapped this specific thing. 03. Tag five friends, and watch the fun play out!

Thank you to @gilded-ghosts for the tag.

Because I wrote so much that you might prefer to skip, let me do 03. outside the cut. I tag...

@ladykendalsims - @jet-plane-sims - @boogey-studios - @pinkmonsimblr - @dynastiasimss

The above pictures (plus the related tray files) are all I have left of an idea that was half-formed to begin with and which never got off the ground at all.

01.

Depending on if you’re a follower of mine + how long you’ve been following me, you may have seen a few of these shots before but I’ll explain them anyway:

Set 1: The characters Charlie, Hick, and Craig, in their original states on the left and their enhanced, final states on the right;

Set 2: A few WIP pictures of the performance space/club/thing I built;

Set 3: A bunch of test shots I took to see how the characters looked interacting, what they did naturally, and how they looked when I ~directed them. I used these pics to try and find my editing style for the story. I didn’t find the style I wanted. Clearly.

02.

I scrapped this idea because it never came together; I didn’t connect with the characters; I didn’t care about the storyline; I’m not done with my new save so I couldn’t ~comfortably start telling this story when the rest of the world was/is disordered; and on and on. The point is, I wasn’t feeling any of this. Oh! And I hate the whole vibe and time period and aesthetic irl; what on earth was I thinking writing about it?!

So. What was this going to be?

[[Under the cut because this is... so, so long. So long.]]

Charlie, Hick, and Craig were

going

to live in Del Sol Valley in my new save, in the Pinnacles neighborhood, which I was

going

to turn into a Laurel Canyon-style neighborhood. An entire community of would-be songwriters/musicians were

going

to live in the two smaller lots and commune with one another and be the New Guard colliding with the Old Guard; the huge mansion lot was

going

to house an aging former film-current soap actor confronting his mortality and also hating the living shit out of these hippies whose existence he took as a personal affront--I digress. Back to the “story.”

Charlie, Hick, and Craig met after each arrived in DSV separately and they vibed and they moved in together, all in a matter of, like, a week’s time. Charlie and Hick vibed especially. So much in common! Such poor little rich [kids]! Both came from pampered environments in which their family money and respective fathers’ connections allowed them to skate through life and to play at being musicians because--despite crying oppression at the hands of upper class WASP-dom--they'll always have safety nets to ensure they’ll always be okay. Charlotte Grant graduated from her all-girls prep school and put on a floppy hat and became Charlie Grant; Richard Hickey (lololol) ripped up his acceptance letter to Britechester and grew his hair out and hitchhiked and told people to call him “Hick.” They’ve lived parallel lives and “recognize” one another as soon as they meet. They have an electric connection, but neither will verbalize that. Above all, they... really want to sleep together.

Craig grew up working class and has no safety net; he just wants a little adventure before he gets a real job/grows up/gets married (his gf back home is off to college; they’re long-distance; it’s... not going to work). He’s a good guitar player and he’s a good songwriter and that’s it but maybe it’ll be more? What do they say about the lottery? Can’t win if you don’t play? Charlie and Hick want to be famous ~rule the world. Hick plays guitar well and tries to write songs but they’re shitty. Charlie is passively learning the keyboard and writes songs that are not... bad...? Some are... good?

Charlie and Hick--can you tell they eclipse Craig, yet?--have weird sexual chemistry and tension: they tease, they flirt, they taunt, they enjoy one another’s attention but they never so much as hug. They both have cruel streaks as only disconnected, spoiled, emotionally stunted bluebloods can: the torture of their relationship/non-relationship gets them off more than anything else could and that thrill drives much of their behaviors: bringing wanton strangers home for one night stands, each hoping the other is watching/overhearing, fighting about little things, acting like inappropriately close siblings, acting like strangers. Craig suffers their whims; Charlie and Hick aren’t just united in their toxicity and their dreams of fame, but in how they make Craig into a third wheel or a--well, punching bag is too strong a term. Charlie and Hick think they’re teasing their bff but you know how it is to be teased allllll the tiiiiiiime and how it can make your head spin when people who can’t get along with one another join forces--without even having to discuss it--to turn on you. Their relationship gets patched up, you’re hurting, they insist it’s not a big deal and even that you even liked it. We’re all friends. We’re all best friends omg.

But sometimes they have fun together. They have a lot of fun together. Sometimes it all is everything each dreamed it would be. DSV is a wonderland and their careers are happening and life is happening and they’re best friends. They’re soulmates for life.

The three work on music, perform at clubs. Craig is starting to come into his own as a man. I hate the term coming-of-age but in the background of the Charlie & Hick Show, Craig is maturing. He has to, because C&H are fuck-ups. They jeopardize scheduled performances. They don’t know how to talk to club owners. They’re not interested in paying their dues. They are unable (or unwilling) to promote themselves without being obnoxious attention whores. They don’t practice or help write songs. They don’t take care of the house. Hick is late with his rent. Charlie thinks she can flirt her way out of everything. Craig is also the only one of them who works; he has a day job at a print shop, gives guitar lessons on the side, and makes sure the three get gigs and don’t get evicted. The only thing C&H put consistent effort toward is making the social scene or finding a party or scoring drugs or getting laid. As the group’s local star(s) rise, their fates start to change course which increases the interpersonal tension. Hick’s fun-loving nature is starting to turn into a legit substance abuse problem and he’s picking fights with the wrong people and socially devolving, his arrogance and issues and general laziness rendering him unable to relate to others; Charlie is getting a lot of attention from older men In the Business, who have the money and connections to make her a solo star, which she is shrewdly considering; and Craig’s resentment toward his “friends” and disillusionment with the superficiality of DSV is making him rethink his motivation for coming west in the first place.

Oh, and Charlie and Hick--again, as their paths change and as their weird tension remains unresolved--continue to take their bullshit out on Craig and now it’s not funny anymore, it’s not cute, it’s not exciting, and neither is it when Hick ruins a show by being too stoned to perform and neither is it when Charlie brings unsavory characters home who trash the three’s equipment and neither is it when C&H steal Craig’s songs and perform without him at a gig they didn’t tell him about.

What I intended was that the story would at first seem to be The Charlie and Hick Show, all about them, as if we’re supposed to root for them, but ideally, through my ~deft hand 🙄 the reader 🙄🙄 was supposed to be like, Um... hold on-- until it eventually was quite obvious that these two--though human; though in situations we could understand and empathize with--were captured at a point in their lives when they were Super Toxic Assholes, and what you were watching all along was Craig as Hero.

So I had ideas, but I didn’t know how to fit them together and I didn’t want a really long story and I couldn’t--I just couldn’t figure it out. I do know that the end was going to be Craig screwing them like they’d been screwing him, a final middle finger with consequences. I know that he and Hick were going to have words and Hick was going to try and fight him (such a loser) and Charlie was going to throw a Hail Mary of like... trying to seduce (lol) Craig into staying omg I always had a thing for you/we’d be such a great team/I always thought we could ~be something ~together uwu bullshit like that. Was this true? Was this true in her own mind? I think I was going to set the story up so that if you reread, yeah, it could be true, but she’s so flirty and manipulative and socially savvy and used to getting what she wants that who knows what her real feelings ever are? Ultimately that would’ve been irrelevant bc Craig never looked at her that way and hates her and Hick now; good going guys. It’s worth noting, I guess, that when I put the group on a test lot, Charlie was super into Craig immediately, went right to him, stood close to him, was eager to make romantic overtures; she went 0 to 60 in an instant and as so far as is possible in this game they had chemistry, but Craig was not feeling the romance. And no one was feeling Hick.

Anyway, Craig was going to move on with his life and Charlie and Hick were going to learn nothing and blame him, ~the end.

And then, as I continued to play my save and maybe tell more stories, there would be Easter eggs, references to Charlie, Hick, and Craig older/in the future and where they went in life in the background of other, unrelated stories: Hick’s substance abuse problems and rehab stints and going by Richard again and his eventual moderate fame and eventual sobriety and attempted comeback and his bad relationships with his exes and children; Charlie’s legit fame + marriage to a producer + eventual fade away + moderate comeback + solid second or third marriage and bff relationship with her children 🙄🙄🙄 and her palatial house on the coast and now she exclusively wears white and ivory and pampers her dogs and eats raw (but drinks wine) because it “cured” her undiagnosed, unnamed “autoimmune disorder,” which she wrote a book about resulting in a semi-comeback but as a Famous Person and not a musician. Craig going to college and becoming a high school English teacher who plays in a local band on the weekends and who has a good marriage (not to the long distance gf) and nice kids, one of whom would eventually have her own story where she pursued musicianship with her dad, which got him back into his first passion but it was a qt father-daughter project and not An Attempt to Be Famous.

So. Idk. That’s what this all would’ve been. But it wasn’t, and it won’t be!

[saecookie]

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who Rating: Explicit Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler Additional Tags: Polyamory, Fluff and Smut, OT3, Established Relationship, Threesome, Fluff, ALL THE FLUFF, this was supposed to be goofy and evolved into that big well of softness

Summary:

There's balance and there's care. Tonight was time for reciprocation, tonight they would be the kind of lover they usually were granted : worshippers, unwinder of sore muscles and whisperers of breathless praises.

The day had been pretty exhausting. Nothing too dangerous, for once – they had been lucky on that part. They had just let themselves wander into some of the lushest forest this side of Six6's southern hemisphere. There had been a lot to see, from the bioluminescence of the shrubs to the weird wavelength chanting of the flying mammals inhabiting the forest. Jack had seen his fair share of wonders during his time at the Time Agency, but he had never been able to just stop in childlike marvel as he was right now.

Unfortunately, what could have been a perfect, quite romantic outing was seemingly not for them. What had started as a leisurely stroll, chatting hand in hand ; had devolved into not finding their way back to the ship. They had had to walk for three solid hours at the end of their day, one already full to the brim of wonders. After two hours of trying to find their way back, they were weary, quiet rather than snapping at one another at each new change of direction. Jack could only glance for a few seconds at Rose or at the Doctor before they became annoyed at him checking up on them. Upon finally seeing the TARDIS, he had let the quietest relieved sigh. They were still silent and a bit on edge.

After that trainwreck of a trip back, Jack had gone straight into the galley. Rose and the Doctor had wandered a bit around the console room. It was their little ritual when coming back to the TARDIS, and it wasn’t his to invade. He picked a few things out of the pantry, made them some quick dinner and put it on a tray. Knowing those two, he made his way to the media room. It soon found them not particularly paying attention to the movie they had chosen, only for the sake of unwinding together. The soundtrack playing in the background was just enough to add a layer of comfort to being in each other’s presence. Jack would have denied it all, but he was already dozing shortly after putting his plate down. There was nothing to be done : he was warm, he was safe, and his favourite people were at arms' reach.

"I think she's fallen asleep."

The Doctor's voice was barely above a whisper, just enough to be heard above the lulling sound coming from the screen.

Jack faintly tried to blink the sleep away, to no avail.

"Mhm ?"

"I think Rose's fallen asleep."

Groaning himself out of his own drowsiness, Jack sat up against the back of the couch. Indeed, when he looked across the room, he could only see a Rose-shaped blanket bundled up in her favourite armchair. What a sight she was, all golden hair and pink fingers. The ups and downs of her chest were the only perceptible movements underneath the covers. A wisp of hair had fallen in front of her eyelids, and her head was slumped across the armchair at an angle that couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

After seeing her so annoyed during their walk back to the TARDIS, tense and frowning, giving only snappish answers, Jack took some time gazing at her. She seemed to already be in deep slumber, no worry lines in sight, her eyes faintly moving every now and then behind her eyelids. Peacefulness had finally settled on her features, lacking her usual playfulness but looking more like herself than she had all evening. She seemed warm and unworried, and that was honestly all Jack ever wanted for Rose. If he could have wrapped her up in that blanket forever and still shown her the splendors of the universe, he would have done so without a second thought.

"I'm taking her to bed. You should too, you're already half asleep."

That got a grunt out of Jack. For all the eye candy Rose was, his eyes still had trouble staying open. He tried to pay attention, but barely saw the Doctor crouching to get Rose and carry her out to her room. He could only hear the soft whispering and cooing noises, reassuring her as she stirred. Her huffs of disapproval stopped before they were even out of the door, Jack already asleep by then, smiling over the cuteness of his two favourite people.

He woke up to a soft touch to his shoulder. He leaned into it, still not exactly awake. For all the gruffness the Doctor was showing the world, Jack how he was actually always very careful in his touches, always light and gentle. Caring. In all his time knowing him, and from the moment the Doctor stopped considering him a safety hazard, he had been nothing but mindful of him. It had unhurriedly matured into caring, then bloomed into what they had now.

"Told you to go to bed Captain." There was a distinct chuckle under that faked sternness. Before even opening his eyes, Jack smiled at him and shuffled, getting himself more comfortable. The media room had always known how to make itself cosy.

"Mhm. Well, I didn't. Whatcha gonna do ?"

This time the chuckle was not hidden under any pretense. Jack peeked under his eyelashes. Those blue eyes were looking down on him, and he'd never get enough of that soft smile that felt like sunrise, the one the Doctor always saved just for Rose and him. It made him glow from the inside out, as if revealing himself, how he was really made of attention and care and love for people.

He must have dozed off again because the next thing he knew, a shudder made its way down his spine. Lips were brushing against his in a soft caress. If he had ever opened his eyes, they were definitely back to being closed now ; quietly enjoying the warmth they were sharing.

They broke apart as softly as they had met. He chased after those lips, after that taste of time they carried, the burnt tang of trouble. A light hum escaped Jack’s mouth as his eyes fluttered open. There was such an air of smugness about him.

"What about this ?"

Jack sat back up, displaying false thoughtfulness. He leaned in,  almost falling in the Doctor’s lap. There was a warmth to their loose embrace, a tingly anticipation, the kind when you knew everything would fall together without the shadow of a doubt, but waiting for it to happen as you would the first bite of a birthday cake.

“Fine by me,” Jack purred in his ear.

There was something delicious in the closeness, the anticipation becoming expectation, building steady. It was with some eagerness that he pressed their lips back together, keeping it chaste at first though. It wouldn’t be said that Jack Harkness didn’t know how to build some good tension.

Then the Doctor’s hand found his cheek, palm cool against his chin. Tilted Jack's head up a little, deepened the kiss, and suddenly Jack wasn’t controlling anything anymore. A groan escaped him, unbidden. Being given directions usually turned his knees to jelly ; now, he was drowsy enough to be reduced to a puttering mess. There was something to be said about the firmness of the Doctor’s touch, the slowness of his motions, the intent behind every glance. It was empowering, it was raw, it was safe.

In one swift motion Jack couldn’t be bothered to identify, the Doctor got some more leverage over him. He whined when their lips got separated, panting heavily in the space between them, lost to the sensation of his lover’s attention solely directed on him. When the Doctor’s mouth fell to his throat, moaning was the only thing he could do. He fumbled for something to grab. All of this was too much : too fast, too soft, too intimate for his sleep addled brain. A series of open-mouth kisses were pressed there, insistent and feverish. He got pushed backwards at the shoulder, still heaving.

Jack could only let go and try to reciprocate the best he could, but he was sleepy, and everything was fuzzy, and there was a body draped across him now, and what could he do except be pretty and sigh happily ? Where they had previously been leaning sideways across the back of the couch, Jack was now a whimpering wreck against the armrest. He could feel the full weight of the Time Lord pressing him into the couch, his breaths shallow against his skin. It was making a lot of funny feelings bloom into his chest and into his throat, something fluttery. He somehow knew that the blush he was feeling on his cheeks was spreading on his chest, soon bared by his lover’s hands. His eyes were glassy, unfocused as the hand that wasn’t holding his jaw and neck in place trailed down, not bothering to unbutton his shirt and going for his trousers right away.

Rose definitely didn’t wake up to a soft touch to her shoulder. She woke up to high-pitch whimpers. Those were directed at her wall, which didn’t make sense considering that the TARDIS was a transdimensional being and all that jazz. She frowned, rubbing her eyes as the noises kept going, slightly muffled. She looked around her. Her room stared back. She must have fallen asleep watching tv, and one of them had carried her to bed.

How thoughtful.

It would have even been more thoughtful if they hadn’t promptly proceeded to wake her up shagging against her wall. If glares could burn holes, there wouldn’t be a wall anymore. It wouldn’t change a thing about the shagging, but maybe the TARDIS would consider sending those little pants and broken cries another way. They were lucky she liked them, or she would have already stormed out of her room and thrown some nasty words at them. Really, had they never considered respecting someone’s sleep schedule ? The day had been tiresome enough as it was.

She lay there for a few seconds, trying to just wake up, let the irritation abate. She stared at the ceiling, listening idly to her lovers. They were enjoying themselves, that much was obvious. And how she loved them ; how she loved them loving each other. She could actually have gone back to sleep— she was exhausted, her eyes were drifting close every now and then. Her body, apparently not so much. Lying in her bed, with pleas of more and yes and fuck from people who usually made her feel that way, was making her feel things. Some very, very nice, tingly things. Warmth pooled low in her belly, crawling out. It made her smile, in a lazy kind of ripple effect. They were right there, enjoying themselves : that simple thought was enough to content her.

Loving and feeling loved were two of the most wholesome, striking things. Seeing love blooming between people she cared about was another one. It was a new unexpected depth to the already unending well of all the love she felt just simmering under her skin.

She stayed there for a little while, well awake now, basking in their almost presence, letting herself fully feel the arousal pulsing within her to the rhythm next door. She really loved hearing them. Her hand came slowly drifting over her neck. That caused some new shivers in its wake. She could stay here, maybe help herself nicely back to sleep…

On the other hand, they did wake her up and wouldn’t it be the nice thing to do to let her have some fun too ?

In the end, they weren’t even against the wall. A wall. Any wall. From what she could see, waiting in the doorframe in her pyjamas, they were just making out like teenagers on the armrest. The back of the couch was hiding the rest of their bodies from her. They must have already brought themselves to an end : their kisses were lazy, their whispers barely audible but still there all the same.

It was enough to watch them for a little while, all chuckles and soft smiles and fumbling to get more comfortable. They couldn’t stray away from each other’s mouth for more than a few seconds. They traded kisses with laughter and eye crinkles. Their hands weren’t in sight, but she was ready to bet that they were in their laps, and not in a modest way.

She was so fond of them. That adoring wave washed through her, almost winning over arousal.

She must have made some sort of noise, because the Doctor was suddenly looking her way. A new sort of light was adorning his gaze. God, she loved this man. As if on cue, Jack looked her way as well. A slow grin brightened his whole face up. He looked silly, but he was her silly. He stretched his neck to see her around the back of the couch, putting him in an even sillier position. Still no hands in sight. Rose giggled, so thankful for the two men in front of her, for the ease between the three of them even after the day they had had, for the light they brought and the softness in their breath.

"Rosie ! Up for round two ?"

She bit her lip, the lingering annoyance at being woken up long forgotten in the wake of that thrilling feeling they never failed to bring her. The Doctor offered her a nod and a smile, already shifting to make some space for her. One of his hands came in view. The flashing expression on Jack’s face told her all she needed to know about what the other hand was already up to. And if fondness had battled arousal at some point, it was now a settled thing. She hurried around the couch, took the hand offered to her by Jack, and let herself be on the receiving end of their thorough affections.

[fanexus-dot-net]

FAQ

What is the purpose of Fanexus?

Fanexus was originally conceived as a way to make it easier to organize fandom content. The founders are fans who have followed fandom activity as it has migrated across many different social media platforms, and found that none of them quite suited their needs. After spending years thinking about how each of these platforms could be altered to better support fandom activity, we eventually realized that we’d amassed the money, skills and connections to make a platform ourselves.  

Fanexus is also open to use by original creators; original works are where fandom begins, after all. Enthusiasts of non-media fandoms, such as people who are passionate about interests as broad as cooking, crafting, interior decorating, brewing, extreme sports, rock collecting, history, model-building, archaeology, philosophy, etc, are also all welcome to use Fanexus as a place to post about and discuss their interests and ideas. Fanexus can be used for any type of interest so long as it doesn’t violate our rules regarding legality, harassment and hate speech.

While we originally wanted to create Fanexus as a means to better organize our content, as we’ve watched toxicity in fandom grow to increasingly alarming levels in the last few years, we’ve decided that making Fanexus a space that actively opposes this toxicity is a goal of equal importance to us. We want Fanexus to be a place where people can explore weird, complex and dark things in art and fiction without being accused of endorsing those things, and can have nuanced discussions and debates without things immediately devolving into insults and dogpiling.  

You can read more about the philosophy driving Fanexus here.

Why an integrated wiki?

We would like to go over some of the issues we’ve faced as fans that inspired the inclusion of the wiki:

There are a lot of fandoms that have very complex fanon worldbuilding/terminology/characterisations/etc, and this can be very confusing for a new fan. The way we have the wiki set up means that users will be able to go straight from a post that mentions those concepts to the wiki page for those concepts (we’ll elaborate on how this works in a later post dedicated to this feature), instead of having to search through other parts of the internet for an up-to-date fanon wiki for this fandom. We feel like people will be more likely to keep these wiki pages updated than they would if it were an external wiki, because once they have accounts on Fanexus, it will be very easy to quickly go and update a wiki page on the site, rather than going and creating a new account for a separate wiki.

In a similar vein, fandoms can produce very interesting AUs that many different fans contribute to. We’ve had the experience of coming across a piece of artwork or fiction based on one of these AUs and wanting to know more, but then finding it very difficult to track down information that explains what the AU is about, and people’s various different takes on it. We thought that by providing a wiki feature, people could create pages for each of these AUs and then update them as they develop. The AU itself may not be complex enough to justify the creation of an entire wiki for it, but having a page or two dedicated to it could certainly be helpful. The same logic applies to things such as OCs.  

People develop their own personal headcanons which can be very complex, and it can be tiresome to have to explain them over and over. So if users can create wiki pages for each of their headcanons (or AUs, OCs, etc) and link them whenever they’re necessary to understand the context of say, a fic they wrote or a piece of art they made, it could save them a lot of bother. Personal wiki pages won’t be available on launch, but we’re endeavouring to add them as soon as we can.

Can you tell us more about your other features?

Details of the features we’ve announced so far can be found here. 

We intend to add new features to Fanexus to improve our users’ experiences for as long as we have the funding to do so. We endeavour to add features that are highly demanded by our userbase, so long as the features in question are within our legal and technical capabilities to implement, and align with the philosophy of Fanexus.

How is this being funded? Will it be free to use?

Right now the beta is being paid for by the founders. Once the beta is online and in use, we plan to have a Kickstarter to fund the development of additional features we couldn’t afford to include in the beta. Fanexus will be freemium, which means it will be free to use, with premium features such as added customisation, that will be used for the ongoing funding of the site.  

Will there be a mobile app?

Currently we have a responsive web app, but a mobile app is one of the first things we intend to develop should we get the required funding via the Kickstarter. 

What kind of customisation options will Fanexus have?

In the long term, we hope to introduce in-depth customisation options to Fanexus, some of which will be premium options. We will take feedback from our userbase to decide what customisation features we will prioritise implementing first.

Are all ships welcome on Fanexus?

Yes. We understand that the reasons someone may enjoy a ship can be very complex, unexpected and/or personal, and have nothing to do with a belief that the ship is healthy or a desirable relationship to have in reality. So long as a person understands the separation between fiction and reality, and knows what a healthy real life relationship is like, we maintain that they should be able to ship what they like. We just ask that they tag their content for people who wish to avoid it. This extends to the shipping of real life people, with the provision that if Fanexus gets a direct request from any of these real people asking to have shipping content of them removed, we will remove content containing them specifically, out of courtesy.

Is NSFW content allowed on Fanexus?

Fanexus welcomes NSFW content, simply requiring that it be tagged with an adult content warning so that it is hidden from underage users.

Our servers are currently hosted in Denmark, so content posted on Fanexus must abide by Danish law. 

Further details of what sort of content is and isn’t permitted on Fanexus will be outlined in our TOS, which will be shared prior to launch.

How old do you have to be to use Fanexus?

Fanexus will be 13+, with adults-only spaces. On sign up, users will be asked if they are over 18, and anyone who indicates that they are a minor will be required to enter their DOB. Posts and blogs that are marked as Adults Only will then be hidden from minor users until they turn 18. Minors found to be lying about their age to interact with adult content will be banned. We looked into ways we could have people prove their age on sign up, but we couldn’t find any practical, reliable method. People were uncomfortable with providing personal information, and given that many adults don’t have credit cards, while many minors borrow their guardians’ credit cards, having people make a credit card deposit to prove their age wasn’t a viable solution.

Will Fanexus be doing anything to protect minors?

We believe that the best form of protection against online dangers is education, and so we’re in the process of compiling educational resources to be made available on the site so that people are aware of what sort of red flags to look out for when it comes to a variety of online threats. We also want to provide information about the separation between fiction and reality, so that minors (or anybody impressionable) won’t misunderstand or be manipulated with fiction into thinking that unhealthy behaviors and attitudes presented in dark/complicated/self-indulgent fiction and art are acceptable in reality.

We currently have the following ideas for distributing this information:

We’ll have a staff blog that provides site updates, and also periodically posts articles containing this information.

We’ll keep a compilation of this information available on a page on the site, which will be easily accessible via the navigation bar.

Eventually we want to introduce a feature where if a user searches for particular keywords, a banner appears above the search results, linking to helpful/education information relevant to the keywords. The banner will be able to be hid so it doesn’t show up again in subsequent searches.

We will of course also have a mod team watching out for any reports of suspect behaviour that may be endangering minors (or any of our users), who will take action to neutralise these threats. Another feature we are planning to develop to help our mods protect minors is a keyword detector for comments and DMs. This will scan the comments and DMs of minor users for any keywords that suggest they may be being targeted, and send a warning to our mods to check up on them. 

What is your affiliation with the Prostasia Foundation?

The Prostasia Foundation is a child protection organization that adopts an evidence-based approach to child sexual abuse prevention, that respects human rights and is sex-positive. Being evidence-based means that their positions are based on scientific research. Fanexus reached out to Prostasia because we agree with these tenets, and wanted to find ways to create a safe space that doesn’t resort to censorship. Prostasia proved to be extremely helpful in this respect, offering us information on legality, the impact fiction actually has on reality, and effective methods to protect minors, all based on research. They have also offered to help us develop our keyword detector feature.

Prostasia has an Advisory Council made of voluntary, unpaid experts from relevant fields. These advisory members do not carry any vote or authority on deciding Prostasia policy, and the views that they express on social media or elsewhere are not necessarily representative of the views of the Prostasia Foundation. Fanexus’s point of contact with Prostasia has been with the Foundation’s Executive Director, and we have no affiliation with the members of their Advisory Council.  

Similarly, Fanexus has no vote or authority in deciding Prostasia policy, nor do we sign off on anything they publish, unless it directly references us. The reverse is also true, while Prostasia provides us with advice, they don’t sign off on all the decisions or statements made by Fanexus.

Are you trying to replace Archive of Our Own?

No. We love Archive of Our Own and we have tremendous respect for the Organisation for Transformative Works, but we can’t affiliate with them due to the rules that govern not-for-profit organisations. You will definitely be able to host fanfiction and original fiction on Fanexus, but we’re currently more focused on covering the areas that Archive of Our Own doesn’t already have great features for, such as providing a space where people can host art, have discussions, role play, and document information about their headcanons, worldbuilding, original characters, etc.

Will Fanexus be open to all or invite-only?

We want Fanexus to be open to all eventually, but we also anticipate that the sort of people who promote and thrive on fandom’s toxicity will sign-up with the express purpose of breaking the rules we put in place to protect people from them. To avoid that happening en masse on launch, Fanexus will initially be invite-only. Once we have an established community of fans who can report trolls and other troublemakers, we will open Fanexus up.

In order to get an invite to Fanexus, you will need to apply via this form. If you are accepted, you will be emailed an invite (please check your junk mail) to our  Forum and Discord. Users of the Forum and Discord will be given priority invites to the site.

When’s the release?

As of the 29th of August, most of our initial features are finished, and are in the process of being bug-tested. We plan to start allowing users of our Forum/Discord on the site within the next month. Fanexus will open up to the public after the Forum/Discord users have thoroughly tested the capabilities of the site, and we’ve implemented any further features required to cover weaknesses they’ve found.

Are there other places I can follow Fanexus news?

We share updates on the following accounts:

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[spectraspecs-writes]

Tatooine - Chapter 80 (Bastila)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 79. Chapter 81.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——————

We have to spend the night on Tatooine, because when we get there it’s pretty late. The Czerka office is closed, the only thing open is the cantina. I saw Carth and Canderous head off in that direction. I told Carth I’d lock the ship down for the night. I know how to do that, at least, even if I can’t actually fly the thing.

I closed the engine vents almost as soon as we landed. I don’t want to be grounded here for an hour trying to clean them like last time. I want to get Griff the tach glands and go. No idea which planet I want to go to next. Manaan or Korriban. I don’t really know anything about either planet. I’d been on Tatooine before - not for long, but I’d been. And everyone’s heard of Wookiees and knows they’re from Kashyyyk. But Korriban is in the opposite direction from the planets I did my scouting on, and Manaan’s closer to the core than I’ve ever been. (I know, it’s hard to believe I never went to Coruscant. I never needed to. It wouldn’t have been cost effective to the Republic to bring us in that far just to send us back out to the Outer Rim. No, our orders got transmitted.) I don’t know much about either planet. If I didn’t know about the Star Maps, I wouldn’t know anything about them.

I reach into my back pocket for my datapad - maybe there’s some information in there that I didn’t pay attention to - and I find a second datapad. There’s mine, which all things considered is in pretty good shape. And the other, which has moss growing on it, a cracked screen - I forgot I’d picked it up on Kashyyyk when we fought the Great Beast. This, a circlet, and a lightsaber. Right.

Well, I’m not doing anything right now, and it’s too early to go to bed. So I curl up in the engine room. Might as well read it.

It’s a personal journal, belonging to one Guun Han Saresh. It goes back a long time, at least twenty years before the final entry. From what I read, I know Guun Han was a prideful man. Which isn’t surprising, because there’s a number of references to his wealthy Tarisian family. Even Jedi training can’t quell the ego of little rich kids, it would seem. His father commissioned the circlet for him. It has benefits, so says Guun Han, but no Dark Jedi could ever take advantage of those benefits. If nothing else, it’s cute, the circlet. Modest, but sort of fashionable? I mean, what would I know about fashion, I’m usually happily covered in dirt, but I think it’s cute. I’ll give it a shot when I face Malak. I think I’m a light side Jedi. I’m a nice person, if that means anything.

Guun Han’s journal also talks about the war with Exar Kun. Exar Kun was well before my time, I was just a kid when the war ended, it didn’t really concern me. But Guun Han was living it. He talks about friends and fellow Padawans leaving the Order, following Exar Kun to the Dark Side. Guun Han fought in the war, and helped to rebuild when it ended. The journal starts to get interesting when it talks about an animal called the terentatek. He doesn’t say much about what they are, or much of anything about them. Only that they killed Jedi and the Jedi set out to kill them in turn. I have no idea when they stopped or how many they killed when they sent Guun Han to look for more. 

Not just Guun Han, though. He mentions a bunch of times before the terentatek even comes up, his two best friends, Duran Qel-Droma and Shaela Nur. The Council sent the three of them off together, apparently on the grounds of their devotion to the light. Which didn’t do anything to help Guun Han’s ego.

But he also mentions a bond between the three of them, a lot like the bond Bastila and I have, I guess. He talks about knowing what the others thought, felt, dreamt about, and that they knew the same about him.

And from there it sort of… devolves. As the entries go on, Guun Han starts to sound angrier, and he’s a lot less verbose. He also starts to sound a tad paranoid. He acts like he was the leader of the group but I get the feeling Duran and Shaela felt differently. 

The last entry feels quite derailed and angry: “Duran and Shaela have given in to their passion for each other, and are doomed to fall to the dark side. I tried to warn them against expressing their love, but they called me arrogant and accused me - ME! - of being the one on the dark path. I left the fools on Korriban.” His first mistake. “But I am not about to abandon the mandate given me by the Jedi Council. I will destroy the terentatek wherever I find them. I have heard rumors such a beast may exist in the Shadowlands of Kashyyyk.” Must be the Great Beast. “I shall go there and slay the beast, proving that I do not need either Duran or Shaela with me to defeat these creatures!” And his last mistake.

I don’t know anything about terentateks, but I know the one we apparently took out was not a one-person job. Guun Han was an idiot for thinking he could take one out on his own. But my thoughts keep drifting to Duran and Shaela. I don’t know why, I have only third-person information about them. Maybe I’m just getting anxious about the whole love thing. Who do I trust about this? Out of the four people I’ve talked to about it, three of them are very vehemently against Jedi love. Master Zhar wasn’t vocally vehement about it, but he tried to steer me away from it. Bastila’s… well, been Bastila about it. And Guun Han felt strongly enough about it to leave his friends behind. Jolee’s the only one who’s been cool about it. And I don’t know what his motivations are or where his views come from for sure. I just have hunches. I don’t think he would actively try to mislead me or hurt me, but I don’t know a whole hell of a lot about him. I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t like not knowing. And the first thing I want to know is more about these terentatek things. I just killed something that maybe wasn’t a natural predator, not if there’s also one on Korriban and they’re still the same animal.

“Rena?” Bastila comes in. I didn’t even hear her. “Are you all right?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah,” I say, “Just got a lot going on in my head. I’m okay.”

She looks sideways at Guun Han’s datapad. “What are you reading?”

I put it away. “Nothing. Just a datapad I picked up.” She’s got a feeling coming off her, that wasn’t the only question she came in here with. “You’re curious about something?”

She sighs shortly. “Am I so transparent?” she says, coming further into the engine room. I stand up and lean against the engine. “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, considering our bond. Yes, there is something I would like to ask, if you'll permit it.”

“Yeah, sure, go for it,” I shrug.

“In our time together I've been watching you.” Oh, really, because I’m--? “No, not because I’m attracted to you, honestly, Rena, and I would prefer not to joke at the moment.” Okay, no problem. “You are a true servant of the light, you follow the tenets of the Jedi Order despite the lure of the Dark Side. And with so little training. For me it has always been a constant battle. Don't you find it difficult at all? You make it seem so easy. Or is that only an illusion?”

I shrug again. “I don’t know, I guess I don’t think about it much.”

“You don't?” she repeats, “Sometimes I find that it is nearly all I can think of. I have never found the Jedi training easy to master.” She sighs and leans on the wall. “I've always struggled for control over my passions. I've always been too quick to anger, too quick to get involved.” I can believe that. “My instructors constantly berated me for it. I've often dreamed that I might be able to confront Darth Malak myself. I dream I can use all this power I have to kill him and stop all the death and destruction. I just think about all the evil that the Sith have caused and I... I get so furious! Yet we are told that these feelings are the path to the Dark Side.”

“Well, we might disagree on the love thing, but we definitely agree there. Anger leads to hate, hate is definitely the Dark Side,” I say, “But, I don’t know, if that’s what it would take to take out Malak, then maybe it would be worth it. That kind of evil…”

“But what comes next?” she interrupts, “After using all that power, would you decide to impose your own view on the universe? The Dark Side corrupts your very thoughts! The very thought that I could become as evil as Malak… I just can't fathom it. It just doesn't seem possible! How could I…?” Then she stops. Completely changes her train of thought. “No, wait.” What? “I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be asking you this. The Jedi teachings are clear - who am I to question them? And even worse, who am I to try and make you question them?” She shakes her head and starts to leave. “These are dangerous thoughts, the indulgence of a vain mind.” She turns now to the entrance, before briefly turning back. “Please, forget I ever mentioned this. I’m sorry.” And she leaves.

Well, that was very confusing. Sounds like Bastila’s got her own demons in her head to deal with. Weird as it sounds it makes me think of Guun Han. He thought he could use all the power of the Force to take out the terentatek himself, and look where it got him. Dead on a world far from home. All that pride gone to waste. It just killed him.

[definitely-not-an-alb]

Okay this might seem like a weird question, but @ Tiny Fandom, what’s your opinion on (pre-emptively, and by someone who’s more mother-languagely in English then me) putting in a request ticket for an ‘Peter Grant - Extended Universe’-Fandom-Tag at the OT3? I’m assuming a Tag for the Series will be happening anyways, but here’s my reasoning: 

This fandom is still very small, so preemptively sorting will be a lot easier.

We’re barely 8 year into this ‘universe’ and current (!) canon is already spread out over at least three mediums and a shit ton of publications/platforms (Books (+Short Stories, +Novellas, +Moments), Comics/GNs, Audio Exclusives) with a fourth on the way

The Show is definitely going to establish a separate canon

There was talk of spin-offs before, and the novellas are already heavily inching in that direction

(Worst/Best Case Scenario there might be an American Knock-Off Show)

We’re already all making up our own continuities re: Which parts are canon and which aren’t (Which is a great way to approach canon, as long as everyone stays civil, which we are generally quite good at, I dare say)

I’m bringing this up because I feel like I’m life watching the start of a similar thing as the Hannibal Lecter Extendet Universe is right now, and we have a tag over there, and oh boy do we need that tag.

For those unfamiliar, there wasn’t really much of a fandom in the sense we’d think off until the show happend, at least on A03, and that fandom’s general approach to canon is ‘has been taken out back, shot, disassembled, but though a grinder and served as Tatar to the unsuspecting reader’; there’s currently the four Books, the four Movies*, the Manhunter Movie from the 70′s and the Show, and that’s only the stuff I know off. There might be more. It’s a sprawling mess.

Now here’s the thing: The movie and book fandoms are relatively normal and literally no one gives a shit about Manhunter, but the Show’s fanon timeline is A Mess. As in generally a Hannibal TV fic might include: The Show, Hannibal Rising (The book or the movie or both, they don’t match up with each other or the rest and are both kinda bad), one of the tree Clarices OR an unholy agglomeration of all three (four, if you count Miriam Lass), random shit from Hannibal (the novel), Hannibal (the movie) or both of them, James Bond - Casino Royal, Charlie Countryman, any other movie Mads Mikkelsen and/or Hugh Dancy ever starred in. I’m not talking about crossovers, I’m talking about this fandom randomly colonizing a James Bond Movie and a Romanian romance drama staring Shia LaBeouf and declaring it ours.

A lot of this, I think, is down to Bryan Fuller not (re)establishing backstories, so people used the one from the books, except the series takes place during the early 2010′s, making backstories and birth dates written for the 70s a right mess. And then there’s the weird stuff, of course.

There’s weird fanon, and then there’s the Hannibal TV Fanon Timeline. I’d draw you a map, but quiet frankly skdjksbvksv

Basically what I’m saying; The ‘Rivers Of London’ Tag might devolve into a giant mess really fast, and preemptively clearing house and making a specific tag for the people who want to pick and choose canon from all properties vs the people who only want the books/only want the series etc. might be a good idea. Especially because I already see us running into the ‘no clear backstory in this property but in that other one over there’-problem, and also conflicting worldbuilding.